Working on a fic and i keep wanting to post an excerpt
Some characters working through some feelings together.
I wanna eventually start posting the fic to ao3, but i wanna get together the first five chapters together and beta read.
btw, Alastor is my self insert
"Look, I- I just…" Alastor paused, rubbing his shoulder in a self soothing gesture, looking away from Leo. "I don't know what you want. To gloat? I've been trying to make it clear I've given up. Why come back if all you're interested in is hurting me?"
Leo froze at that, looking down at the man in front of him. Alastor flattened his ears, balling his fists and staring at the ground as the silence dragged on.
"You know, I tried for a really, really long time to figure out what I did that made you hate me. Was it something I said? Something of my past that reminded you of her? Was I not good enough?"
He laughed, though it was high pitched, nervous energy bleeding into empty giggles as Alastor hid his face in his hands. "It took me a really long time to accept I'd probably never be good enough for you." Alastor continued, mirth gone as he frowned, going silent. The words hung between them for several seconds, heavy with meaning, Alastors breathing becoming more shaky as he waited.
Finally, Leo spoke up, his tongue heavy in his mouth with the unfamiliar and uncomfortable words. "I… apologize."
"Oh." Alastor seemed surprised by Leo's statement, stuttering for a few seconds. "...I don't know why you're apologizing." Alastor shifted his weight, his shoulders tensing like he was preparing to fight, but wasn't ready to try attacking Leo just yet.
Leo couldn't help wondering how often this had played through Alastor's head over the years. But as he considered his next words, Leo came to a realization. It felt like someone had just pulled a layer of cloth away from his eyes, leaving details of the scene in stark clarity. Alastor's pose wasn't hostile, it was scared. Defensive, even.
Suddenly the headache, the anxiety, his hands shaking even after Leo had crossed his arms to try and steady himself. It all made a horrid amount of sense. It wasn't his feelings, after all. It was so easy to just forget Alastor could radiate his feelings onto others, like how Lukas could project his thoughts and opinions to anyone nearby, should he choose to.
But it also meant that Alastor was currently terrified of him, and it sent Leo's non-existent stomach turning in knots, feeling like he was back in an all too familiar situation, although this time, on the opposite side he once took up. It took him a few moments to find the words to use, inhaling needlessly to ground himself before speaking them out loud.
"Hey, I'm sorry." He offered, not knowing what else to say, and instead reached out, intending to cradle Alastor's head in his hands, only to freeze as the dragon hybrid flinched away, as if expecting Leo to hit him. Leo froze, that feeling returning swiftly and while he understood why, Alastor's reaction had hurt.
"...Do you want me to leave?" Leo asked after a pause, his voice unusually quiet over Alastor's ragged breathing. There was a moment when neither one of them spoke, Leo watching his every reaction, sure that if he still needed to breathe, he would have suffocated at this point.
"...No." Came Alastor's soft, breathy response, the dragon hybrid's eyes flickering from left to right, darting around wildly. His wings shifted slightly in agitation – they were still tucked closely against his sides, his tail tucked between his legs, though he was starting to stand back up. "...I don't think I can be alone right now."
"How about this…" Leo paused, an idea running through his head, despite Lukas's warning of it being a bad idea. "Just for a little bit… You can do anything to me you want." Leo hesitated, holding out his arms in invitation as he forced down his near overwhelming anxiety to speak again "No consequences."
Alastor paused, staring at him now, his expression wary, and boarding on what Leo could only assume is hurt. "...No consequences?" Alastor asked, after a moment, slowly straightening up fully, his tail swishing against the marble floor, catching on the sitting area rug.
"No consequences." Leo repeated, assuring him, and internally preparing himself as Alastor approached him, looking unsure about himself as he reached out, pushing Leo into the sitting couch behind the god of night.
He was glad he didn't have to breathe, or else the wind would have been knocked out of him with the poor way he handled the fall. By the time he'd recovered, Alastor had crawled onto the couch next to him, and seemed to be judging his reaction before...
Curling up on Leo's chest, white wings wrapping around the ghost's torso like a larger, softer hug as his mind reeled for a moment- He hadn't expected this. If anything, he'd expected rage, hatred, a fight. But instead the dragon hybrid seemed to instead take the chance for physical affection, his face buried in the god of night's mane.
Leo lay there, for a long moment, before finally raising a hand, placing it on top of Alastor's head, and feeling the smaller male flinch with his full body, but not pull away. Feeling like he could continue to press ahead, Leo gently began to pet Alastor's head, slowly feeling him relax with the affection.
"You don't know how long I've wanted to do this." Alastor finally spoke up, his voice muffled by Leo's mane. "And part of me is mad because of it. Mostly because..." Alastor hesitated for a moment before he pulled back, and looked up at Leo with large golden eyes, a small frown pulling down one side of his mouth as he shook his head. "Like… Imagine if your bonded denied you any connection with them. Treated you as if you were nothing more than an insect that'd stain their shoe. Compared you to their abuser. All on assumptions they'd made about you."
Alastor stopped, taking several breaths as he tried to calm down, finally continuing once he'd blinked back the tears threatening to form. "And then they only start to care about you when it's revealed you have some kind of connection with them. Not when you were fighting for your life. Not when you were suffering. No, they only care about you when you have value to them. When their reputation is at stake with you. It's just..."
Alastor took another shaky breath, seeming to curl even tighter into Leo's chest. "The fact that they are bound to you doesn't seem to bother them much as much as what other people think about them, you know?"
Leo shifted, moving from half flopped across the couch to laying down properly, giving Alastor a more steady surface to curl up on his chest. "Is that how you feel we've treated you?" He asked, as Alastor's ears pinned back, the hybrid going silent. "Do you feel that we've belittled you? Do you think it's true that my bondmates haven't thought about you enough, and that the fact that you don't receive their care isn't an issue for them?"
For a moment, Alastor remained silent. Then he nodded hesitantly, and wrapped his tail tight around Leo's waist, nuzzling into the space where Leo's neck would be beneath his mane. He didn't say anything, so Leo decided to keep talking. "...How about I promise never to treat you like that anymore?" He said softly, as Alastor nodded again. "Okay? And that's a promise."
Alastor didn't respond immediately, so Leo gave him some time to collect himself. "...Alright." Alastor eventually responded, sounding reluctant, and he looked up at Leo, eyes bright with gratitude, "Thank you."
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ok I don't normally make posts like this but this like just happened and while I blocked the person I think more people should be aware:
So this person was following me and reblogged something from me (a post by a mutual expressing annoyance at people for making statements about the fnaf lore ending at certain points), and in the tags insulted the people the post was referring to by calling them pedos
Obviously this is a bit extreme since there's literally no correlation whatsoever and throwing around terms like that at people they do not apply to only weakens the power of those words when they get used toward someone who is actually the kind of monster they describe. (Also I know as someone with OCD that when I feel like someone is validating my intrusive thoughts it makes them worse. And POCD is a thing. So yeah this person's behavior really has the potential to cause serious mental harm for innocent people)
So, I tried to be civil by privately messaging this person. The following exchange is what occurred:
I took these screenshots at different points 'Cus I could kinda predict where this was going to go. This person started adding publicly in the reblogs on that post screenshots of our messages acting as if I was looking suspicious.... for just trying to be reasonable.
That person also @'ed me questioning why I wasn't responding to these public reblogs. The answer is that I wasn't looking at my notifications and also didn't want to make a scene on people's dashboards, 'cus this stuff really didn't need to be public.
To my knowledge this person is actually a victim too (at least from what little I observed of the blog that's what I managed to get), which makes this behavior even more baffling to me.
Don't engage with this person. I am not trying to call a harassment campaign (genuinely I've been harassed in the past and it's terrible), all I'm asking is for people to block and ignore, and to be wary of you get any messages from this person.
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