#I'm not old enough to mourn my childhood yet

[safire-was-a-person]

I have a memory,

or maybe it was a dream

of an island like the last photography,

a patch of trees at the edge of a frost covered field.

Everything was tinted softly in blue

maybe because that colour's my favourite,

maybe because it reminds me of you.

Islands

Mindaugas Buivydas

edited by me

[yoredoesmore]

Can I request for Soshiro Hoshina and if possible Soichiro Hoshina (I know he barely showed up yet in the manga but I love him so much- dw you can decide to not make for him) I just want headcanons or like a fix of them being in an arrange marriage- you can choose if they were at first enemies to lovers or childhood friends,can you also make gn reader a badass and for a bit of angst they almost died during a mission- like if you know that scene from spiderman where Gwen fell and Peter couldn't save her- but just have this end in fluff 🏃🏻‍♀️💨 I'm sorry if this request is complicated sorry- YOU CAN IGNORE THIS IF YOU'D LIKE HAVE A NICE DAYYYY💕💕✨✨✨✨✨

a/n: I take so much time making these requests but I hoped you stayed patient with me > <

Till Death Do Us Part | Hoshina Soshiro

pairing: Hoshina Soshiro x Gn!Reader

genre: /romance/slowburn/enemies to lovers/angst/fluff

summary: your mother may have the power to give you and your entire life away to secure your family's survival but only death itself could ever actually make you fall in love with that man..

wc: 2,4k

a/n: I don't know what this format of writing is called but I hope it isn't too confusing > <

Enjoy!

An Arranged Marriage – When those words first slipped from your mother's lips, you wanted to scream. Your heart pulsed with unease, anger even but you knew all too well that this was for the best. If there was one thing your mother held dear in life, it was the clan. Its prestige and well-being were of great importance to her and the only way to keep those secured was to give you away to a good family.

A childhood long lost – Your clan's reputation has become as bad as it could be. Your father passed away, your relatives were at each other's throats, holding onto old grudges and most traditions have been lost in time and ignorance. Only a fool would take someone as tained as you in, thus you wondered what clan would be idiotic enough to have you carry their name.

“A childhood friend?” You scoffed, the mockery in your voice as evident as the stars on the dark firmament. Not knowing who was stupid enough to have you join their family kept you up all night, therefore you decided to confront your mother. Turns out that she too had her own demons that kept her from getting any sleep.

“I never said friend.” The woman took a long drag from her Kiseru, relishing in the flavor of the tabaco before letting go of it all in one long puff.

“His father is an old acquaintance of mine. If you remember his child is of no importance, all that matters is that they are in our depths.”

The Farewell Before Death – The day of your wedding was as uneventful as one could imagine. You did not get to see your husband until moments before the ceremony. Most of your time on that day was spent in the botanical garden next to the shrine, a beautiful place where all your thoughts roamed free. You enjoyed the peace and quiet, until they were broken by an unfamiliar voice.

“The ceremony is about to start.” A man you have never seen before stood before you, dressed in what seemed like some sort of uniform.

“Can I not enjoy my last moments of peace without any disturbances?”

“Well, I was just-”

“About to leave?” Your smile sat gentle on your face, yet it reeked of toxins similar to the ones the flowers were producing. Without raising another word the man took his leave, allowing you to mourn your last seconds as a free individual in silence.

It wasn't your intention to be rude, but you were not in the mood to entertain guests. Thus, you sat there in silence until your mother came looking for you.

The Groom – As you kneeled in front of the altar, you yet had to register in your mind that this moment sealed your future forever. Other's would call you foolishly selfless but you have always found yourself putting the need of those you were close with above yours.

You didn't get to see the groom until he kneeled by your side. It would have been a lie if you said that you weren't at least the tiniest bit curious, so you allowed yourself a small peak.

“Can't tell me to leave now.”

That voice..

The man from before sat to your left, a sheepish smile lingered on his lips. Finally, the fact that you were to be married and bound to him to eternity registered in your mind.

Oil and Water – After a week of the ceremony passed, the situation became clear for all to see– this marriage was going to be difficult. Your mother had claimed that you knew each other from the past but neither of you were able to recall any interactions. But that's besides the point. Your opinions, thoughts and approaches to a situation– they could not vary any more from another than they already did. Like oil and water, the two of you stood on opposing sites, unable to find common ground.

And it didn't help that you had infiltrated his workplace.

It was one of his “demands” that his partner would join his journey– it was either that or make yourself useful in the estate. You scoffed when you heard your options and immediately declared that you would become one of the greatest defense force officers Japan has ever seen.

And you were right.

Unwanted Attention – Only two weeks after your enlistment, you already became the talk of the base. Everybody wanted to know who this new cadet was and how they were so skilled without having attended any training courses. The focus on your person only increased when people found out that your last name was Hoshina.

The attention was quite bothersome, to the point where you couldn't go anywhere without having someone ask you about your relationship with the Vice Captain. But to your surprise, everything died down one day. After asking around, you found out that Soshiro mildly threatened to personally deal with those who continued to bother you about your personal life.

After that, people only came to your for training advice or other work related things. Your skills were admirable after all.

Before he passed, your father used to train you. He was once a defense force officer himself, stationed in Kyoto but when he suffered a life changing injury during battle he was forced to retire. But still being full of passion and spirit he made the decision to pass all his knowledge down to his child.

A common ground – Although your marriage was blunt and flavorless (with little to no interactions outside of work or even at home) both you and Soshiro seemed to get along just fine during missions. He would give you commands, which you followed precisely. And whenever you came up with a way to defeat a Kaiju, Soshiro would execute your plan perfectly. Your performance on the battlefield earned you acknowledgement and respect from your peers and even Ashiro. You were greeted with smiles and bows, a different vibe from what you were used to back at your home.

Time Brings Progress – The more time passed, the more you found yourself interacting and being with Soshiro. You still didn't see him as your husband but he was no longer a mere stranger either. In fact, he has grown so comfortable around you that he started to tease you like he did with his squad. He would throw in a couple sneaky remarks every now and then and you would give him the same amount of sass back. It was a fresh breath of air in between the usual blunt atmosphere.

What Couples Do– You noticed a subtle difference in Soshiro's presence over time. He showed a more tender nature when he was alone with you, a soft side you had never seen him embrace before. It was small stuff like him making sure that you were included in conversations or checking in on you when you were working overtime. Even at home, he made the time to leave little notes behind for you when he had to work on your day off or asking you if you needed anything before going to bed.

When you addressed his behavior during dinner, all he did was chuckle.

“Ain't that what couples do?” He simply smiled, placing a neatly cut piece of steak on your plate. He sounded so carefree and calm, different from his usual cheerful demeanor.

“But ya warmed up to me as well.” He suddenly said, looking straight into your eyes.

A Sacrifice – It was an attack like you have never seen before. After the night of the dinner, you mustered up the strength to ask your husband if he wanted to go out for the evening– since it was your first day off together, but unfortunately you never made it to the restaurant. A Daikaiju of a fortitude level of 8.1 showed up and all troops were called to the scene.

You were fighting alongside Soshiro, your guns reaching the monster where his blades were unable to cut, yet the situation continued to stay dire. The snowfall was hindering everyone's vision and the troops seemed conflicted about the outcome of the fight– but then you saw an opening.

A weak spot that has been off radar due to the heavy snow blocking your view of the monster. You immediately alarmed Ashiro and told her of your plan. But for it to succeed a distraction was needed.

That is when you looked at Soshiro. It took him a moment to realize what you were about to do but it was already too late. You began to set up one of the big guns the force had brought along and aimed it at the beast.

Soshiro's hands pulled and pushed on your shoulder, trying to stop you from the reckless action you were about to perform but you stayed persistent.

“I can't let the less experienced cadets handle this, Soshiro. I promise you, I got this.”

Your voice reeked of determination but deep down concern sat in your chest. The weapon was only strong enough to mildly injure the Daikaiju and hopefully draw its attention towards the high rise you stood on. But the final strike had to be executed by the Captain and it had to be perfect, since you only had one shot.

Soshiro trusted your skills but he did not want to take any risks. This was your first huge mission and if he were to lose you here, he would never forgive himself. Especially now that your relationship was taking such a good turn..

“Ya have only been here for two weeks, Y/n. Don't try to act cool.” He sighed as he suddenly pulled you into a hug. It was the first time he had shown you physical intimacy since your wedding but it felt oddly comforting. His hand pressed onto your back a little bit too tightly but you saw it as a sign of concern.

Soshiro had to be physically pulled away by the other members when the time came.

Where the Snow Falls – You waited patiently, anxiety pulling on your skin as the cold winter night claimed your consciousness. But when the moment came for you to deliver the shot you did not falter. A clean beam aimed right at the Daikaiju's back, and just as predicted it came charging towards you. As it's tail came swinging for the building, your hands reached into your pockets, grazing over the wedding ring inside the fabric.

At exactly that moment, Ashiro aimed her weapon at the weak spot you had mentioned before, a thin layer of skin right at the sole of the Daikaiju's feet. The Monster came crashing down in an instant but instead of falling backwards due to the lack of balance, the Daikaiju came crashing down onto the building you stood on.

“Y/n!” The fear in Soshiro's voice echoed through the entire street.

The sudden impact of the monster with the building left you no time to react. You fell off the edge in an attempt to escape the masses of its body, caught in a deadly free fall. The world around you came to a sudden halt as your brain tried to come up with a way to escape this situation by going through memories of a similar essence– and to your surprise it found soemthing.

Fragments of your childhood, that day, featurin a snowy day like this one. You were outside of your estate, playing with a child whose face you did not remember. The snow fell heavy on the land, yet the boy you were with played recklessly without a care in the world. That's when it happened. The snow under his feet began to shift and dissappear, threatening to take the boy with it but in the last second you reached out for him and grabbed him by your hand.

“Y/n!” He had yelled out back then as you pulled him back to safety.

“Soshiro!” You screamed out as the ground came closer and closer.

Your husband came charging towards your body in inhumane speed, the safety of his suit long disabled. He wasn't going to reach you in time it seemed, thus you simply closed your eyes and held onto your ring.

But to your surprise the impact with the ground never came. Instead you felt something pull on your back, yanking you bank up before gently swaying you around in the air. A parachute?

Your heart beat so intensely, you feared it was going to spill out of your chest. As you landed on the ground, your knees immediately gave in, causing you to slump down into the rubble.

The other's wasted no time and came to your aid but Soshiro was the first to reach you. His arms embraced you in a desperate hug.

“You put the parachute on my back..” Your voice was a mere whisper as you pulled the man even closer into your body, filled with shock and trauma.

“Yes, because my partner is as selfless as they come.” He sighed, rubbing your back in comforting motions.

Soshiro refused to let go of you, even after the medic team arrived. After that day he stayed by your side, like a shadow, and refused to leave it ever since.

The Beginning of Something Beautiful – To think that it was a near death experience all those years ago that led to your marriage and another near death experience that strengthened your bond was borderline amusing.

You and your husband have become inseparable, finally taking your relationship status to heart. It did not happen immediately but over time you found yourself embracing his love more and more and of course you gave him some warmth back in return. It was the beginning of something beautiful.

“Y/n, Soshiro, are you guys down to drink with us tonight?” Kafka asked, one of his arms wrapping around your shoulders in an excited manner.

“Can't do. Soshiro and I rented a bunch of movies for tonight for our little marathon.” Your husband immediately came to your side as he heard his name slip from your lips, a proud smile on my face.

“Let's hope we don't fall asleep like last time.” You both laughed and got ready to leave the base.

You wondered if Soshiro remembered what happened all those years ago. That you saved his life and now he has saved yours. Perhaps this was all destined to happen and the heavy snow was there to set it all in motion. The two of you were indeed only able to be separated by death itself.

a/n: I have no idea if this story makes sense. I re-read it so many times and changed and added so many things it's loose in my head. I'm not super satisfied so pls give feedback if there's something I can improve :<

[harrietswriting]

hi hi uhhhuhhhhhhhhhhhahahahah

i really like dallas winston.. so..

dallas x reader literally just hanging out? the book made me so sad in 7th and it’s coming back and dallas winston is just heaven sent and doesn’t have enough stuff about him 🙁

an: I took some creative freedom hear and made this sad 😭I'm so unmotivated rn but this is cute so I'm doing this. I tried to research about Dallas's past for this and I found out that for some reason, I was under the impression that Dallas was born and raised in New York, then ran away from home, and that's not really true? But for this fic- his dad is in New York and he ran away from there. I did not make this cute.

W: angst!!, hc about Dallas's past, mentions of abuse, neglect, violence, drinking, and death, not fully proof read, sad because I can and want to.

Dallas Winston x Reader

Angst

You leaned your head back against the wall and sighed.

"What?" Dallas looked over at you. Your legs were over top of his and his back rested against the wall. He placeed a hand on your knee.

"Nothing. I'm just bored." You shrugged.

"So, what do you want to do?" He asked.

You shruged again. He rolled his eyes. "Come here." He patted the spot next to him, so you moved and sat next to him. He slipped his arm around you, pulled you closer, and kissed your temple. You smiled sweetly.

"Its kinda nice being this quiet with you. I can't remember the last time we've just enjoyed eachothers company. You're always talking my ear off." He smiled smuggly.

You huffed out a laugh. "Be quiet." You mumbled with a smile.

He smiled back and pulled you tighter against his side. You two sit in silence for a moment longer, until you broke it.

"You never talk about yourself. Sometimes I feel like I don't know much about you, Dal."

He froze for a moment then looked at you. "What's your point?"

"Tell me about yourself. Like, about what your life was like in New York." You suggest.

He sighed and leaned his head back against the wall. He stared ahead at the other wall. "It was hell."

You waited for him to continue, but once he doesn't, you chimed in again. "Why?" You asked.

He looked at you. He had this look- he didn't look upset, no, he almost looked sad, worried. He sighed again and looked back at the wall.

"My old man, he never really cared for me. He only cared when I screwed up, ya know?"

Your heart ached for him. Even though he wasn't looking at you, you can see his subtle sadness. His eyebrows furrowed slightly, and his voice shook just a bit. It was obvious this was hard for him to talk about. He took his arm off of you and clasped his hands together in his lap. He fidgeted with his ring.

"My mom left before I was old enough to remember her." He looked down at his lap.

"I'm sorry." You said softly. This is so new, Dallas being vulnerable around you, you're kind of unsure on what to do. You gently put your hand over his. He immediately held your hand in both of his.

"Its not your fault." He told you. "I mean, that wasn't it. I could handle my old man beating me and all, but I wasn't in a good part of New York." He glanced at you. "I was in gangs, and not like the gang here, with the guys, like actual gangs, starting when I was really little, like 10."

He continues to give a pretty basic outline of his childhood. He was constantly in fights, stating drinking and smoking at an age way too young, and never had any real good friends before he moved here, he told you.

Dallas Winston was a tragic case. He was born to broken people in poverty, and grew up surrounded by violence. Worst yet, he never had someone to love him, not until he moved here. But, sometimes now you wonder if he ever knew that he was loved.

You place the flowers you brought and sniffle as you stare at the engraved named on the piece of stone by your late lovers final resting place.

Dallas T. Winston.

Mournful tears slip down your face and into the grass below as you recall the day he told you about his past, the day he opened his world to you, the day you finally realized that he had never been shown love.

You can't blame yourself, you know he'd hate that, but you can't help but wonder if this could have been prevented, had you told him you loved him, instead of being too afraid to do so.

You must tell him. So, has your eyes become waterfalls and your chin, a leaky sink, you say it.

"I love you, Dallas."

But it was too late. He died without knowing he was loved.

an: I'm sorry, halfway through I was like and lets make him dead! So here! Sorry for being inactive. I'm trying to get requests done. Love y'all 💕

[homunculus-argument]

I've learned to be neutral about other people being religious, but my own experience with it was definitely coloured by my issues with my dad. He was a proper Edgelord Atheist, loathing religions as a whole and christianity in particular, never hesitating to remark about how stupid and backwards or primitive it is. My mother didn't care either way, she only talks about god when she talks about gardening. So he was the only one in the house with any strong opinion about it. And yet, me and my sister were babtised, put into a christian daycare for a while and then put into christian religions classes at school.

I always loathed religion classes as a kid and didn't know why, I hated hearing about it and having to put up with it and always felt like the teacher is just insulting us by lying right at our faces, about something that surely nobody actually believes for real. My childhood best friend was put into the non-christian option despite of coming from the same kind of a vaguely culturally christian background as I did, and I envied her intensely for it. I asked repeatedly to get to go to the non-christian classes as well, and was told "no", because my mother didn't think that letting your kids do that was an option even though my friend's parents clearly had already done it.

I had a serious Edgelord Edgy Atheist phase in my teens, and was wrangled into going through confirmation anyway because Everyone Else's Kids Are Doing It Too. The aforementioned friend got to go through a non-religious version of the same thing, which I had not even known was an option, so I didn't think to ask for it. Being wrangled through jesus classes as a 15-year-old bag of spite who was only marginally self-aware enough to avoid physically wearing a fedora, I was not a pleasure to have in class.

My father was physically present in the house until I was 14, until my mother finally accepted that this man's presence might actually cause physical harm - his drunken attempts to cook almost caused a fire, and he drove drunk with me and my sister on board once - and he reluctantly agreed to be removed from the picture. His absence at home made no impact nor difference in our daily life, the man who sleeps in the spare room just wasn't sleeping in the spare room anymore.

We saw him frequently enough after that, he visited us for family events and joined us for outings. At some points I tried to bond with him, over mutual interests and passions, even tried to prompt him to join me on snide remarks about religions that he used to make all the time, but he would not. He refused to bond with his children even over mutually hating the same things. It slowly occurred to me over time that the reason why christianity had played any role in my life was because he had never, at any point at all, moved a finger to stop it. Harmless or not, he had no instinctive desire to move his children away from things he considered bad. He had hated it enough to make it known that he hates it, but genuinely just did not care enough to consider not letting him children grow up in an environment he loathed.

My father died when I was 17, and I never really mourned him - not out of hatred, but because his death had hardly even altered the empty absence that was his presence in my life. I had grown up with religious classes trying to tell me about a loving god, and I had not understood why I had hated it, why I felt betrayed and lied to. My relationship with the christian god I was taught to understand has been exactly the same as my relationship with my father.

Desperately shrieking into a void that is so vast that not even my own echo would answer, and knowing for certain that the dead silence I'm hearing in return is the complete, absolute absence of a loving Father.

[gaysullengirl]

𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐞 𝐛𝐥𝐮𝐞, 𝐬𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧. five things

❝ i hate it here so i will go to secret gardens

in my mind ❞ -taylor swift, i hate it here

   Isabelle Cruz absolutely despised five things.

One, failure. The feeling like she was never doing enough followed her around like a stray cat, mostly she hated the idea of being a failure to herself but the idea of other people being disappointed in her made her shudder.

Two, being perceived as weak- or being perceived at all.

Three, germs. Isabelle didn't care to relentlessly research articles about germs until she meet Spencer. She adored his ramblings except for the ones about germs- sometimes he was like a human germ encyclopedia.

Four, losing freckles during the winter. It was awful for the memory of each freckle to gradually disappear, Isabelle still mourned the loss of her favorite freckle, which was just underneath her left eye.

Five, feeling numb- which was unfortunately for her happening right now.

The sound of a gunshot rang through Isabelle's ears as sat on the curb just across the street from an unsub's house.

"First time you've ever shot an unsub?" Morgan curiously asked her.

"No." She responded, not even turning her head towards him.  

"Then what's the problem?"

'I don't know' Isabelle wanted to say but didn't, instead she continued staring at scene in front of her.

The front yard of the house was taken over by police officers and agents scattering in and out of the house.

"We caught him and saved David." Morgan said, hoping it would comfort Isabelle.

But it didn't, yes they caught the awful man killing children and yes, they saved a little boy, David.

But somehow she still she wasn't content.

It didn't feel right to be content.

Isabelle noticed Spencer walk to Morgan and whisper something to him but she didn't bother looking- or listening to their conversation.

Spencer sat down next to her and watched the scene with her.

"What are you thinking about?"

Isabelle stayed silent for a moment, debating if she should lie to him or tell the truth.

She sighed, "I just feel stuck, like I'm a security guard watching my entire life play out in front of me on tapes and I'm just- observing my own life."

"It's normal to feel like that after moving, humans tend to want what we can't have- and one of those things is control." He stated.

This was why Isabelle adored Spencer's ramblings, her brain made her think she was the only one going through something and therefore she'd never recover, but Spencer somehow managed to co

for her with facts and statistics.

"Why are you thinking about this right now?" Spencer asked.

"I always think about it- it takes up like 90% of my brain function."

"You've always spent too much time up here." Spencer responded, pointing to his head.

Isabelle just scrunched her eyebrows.

"I remember one time you were staring at the wall and I asked you 'what's on your mind?' and you told me you were yearning for your childhood."

"That's a reasonable thing to yearn for." Isabelle defended.

"I'm not saying it's not, I'm just saying you think too

much."

She scoffed, "Really, you're saying that to me? Spencer Reid is telling me I think too much?"

Spencer just shook his head slightly and smirked.

୨୧

The next day was filled with paperwork, paperwork, and paperwork.

It was the thing Isabelle hated most yet loved most about her job.

In the moment, it was hell, her hand cramping, racking her brain trying to remember what happened because she somehow already forgot.

But later, reading the reports, remembering the stories was something she could talk about for hours.

It was like opening an old journal that had sat collecting dust, reading over the things that caused so much anxiety at the time, which were now mundane.

"Hey do you wanna go to a bar with us?" Spencer asked and Isabelle smiled, "Yes I would love too, who going?"

"Me, Derek, Penelope, Emily, and Jj."

"Okay, just give me a sec-" Isabelle was cut off my her phone ringing.

'Unknown Number' It read, she clicked accept and brought the phone to her ear.

The only sounds that could be heard were heavy breaths, her eyebrows curled into confusion and she hung up.

"Um yeah, I'll be there in a sec." She told Spencer.

"Who was that?" "I don't know, it was just breathing must've been a butt dial or something."

authors note!

hope u enjoyed! :)

[kara-knuckles]

Finished my reread of episode 13, and I'm once again angry about Baird's treatment compared to Allerdale.

I actually like Allerdale as her own character, but it really irks me that the game plays the childhood friend angle with her, despite Siege only knowing her for a week. Yes, meeting Siege left a very strong impression on little Allerdale, but Siege doesn't remember it. She only recalls it during her Mausoleum of Kings visit, right before Allerdale betrays her, and yet it is enough to qualify her as "an old friend".

Meanwhile, Baird is basically Siege's sister in everything but blood. They grew together since they were kids, they lived under the same roof, fought the same battles, watched the same shitty movies. But she is pretty much immediately forgotten about, even though it was really easy to give Siege a talk with Delphine about the important people they lost. Heck, they could have amped the angst by pointing that Delphine lost both her mom and a good friend in a span of a day.

And the story treats their deaths very differently. Allerdale is mourned. Allerdale is tragic. And yet, she isn't even dead. But Baird? She completely disappears from the lives of everyone. The only time she is brought up in episode 13 is to say that Delphine is a friend of Siege's friend, and I think she isn't even named in that conversation.

[adviceformefromme]

Hi hon, I've always loved your blog and advice—and I'd love to have your guidance and thoughts on my issue.

I carry a lot of guilt and shame over making a terrible mistake 5 years ago, which led to the fall of my longest childhood friendship (16yrs at that point). I thought I was able to accept it, but I still have dreams about my friend that reopens the grief I have for our friendship. Today's dream was probably the worst; it featured them being willing to mend our relationship, us interacting like normal, planning to get matching piercings together, and it felt so real, I was so happy.

I came across their social media acc while taking off followers from a personal art account I hope to invest in this year. I was rly tempted to check on their ig reels and YouTube, but knew I shouldn't and decided not to in the end. If me no longer being in their life makes them able to live their happiest and most fulfilling life, I want that for them, I want to be happy for them. Even if it does hurt/make me sad. It wasn't a perfect friendship, but they were my best friend. I want to heal from this as much as possible, since healing completely is prob unrealistic.

I have a group of close friends, ppl who are much more communicative w me, but we all live far from each other so we only interact digitally. I've moved so many times in my life, that digitally is also the best way for me to keep in touch w any irl old friends—it's hard to keep irl friendships strong when you don't see them in person as much as you could in the past.

Tbh I'm kind of a loser. I'm jobless w/ no degree & don't have a driver's license. I know my lack of motivation to get my life together contributes to the lack of opportunities in seeing my friends in person. I am so comfortable in my home environment, even if emotionally/mentally abusive and fear change even if I know it's good for me. I have dreams and yet I'm scared to make steps towards them. That's a whole other thing tho.

I don't know what I need to move past this mourning. I want to stop carrying this sadness with me. I feel it bear such a heavy weight in my chest. I'm at fault and to blame and i feel terrible for being a bad person/friend to that person, even if I know I'm a better/good friend to the ppl currently in my life. Please help me.

Hey sweetie, I sense so much sadness in your message from how you describe your life, to your loss with your friend. I would recommend journalling or releasing your emotions through some form of expression. It needs to be expressed. Write, cry, paint do what ever you need to do to release these emotions because it seems they are completely weighing you down and hacking away at your self esteem. Writing your friend a letter did come to mind if you really want to let them know how you feel and if it would shift some of the pain you've been feeling. I can't recommend forgiveness healing enough! I've wrote about the process here. The journey to loving yourself and being kind to yourself is a process, especially if you are going from a place of feeling low confidence and self belief. But please don't give up on your hopes and dreams. They are within you for a reason. You are not a bad person, you are human and we all do things we wish we didn't, all we can do is show up better. Do our best each day. Listen to those positive affirmations instead of the music that brings you down. Choose the foods that give you energy, instead of foods that give you the food comma so you actually feel motivated to do your best. Read a book that inspires you, watch a documentary about struggle to success. Go help someone. Do a random act of kindness. Plan your tomorrow. Choose to wear something that makes you feel special. Brush your teeth before bed. Light an incense stick. There are so many little things you can do each day to add some light and love into your existence. Lean into the goodness and I promise the heavy weights of the world will start to shift. You'll start to feel a little lighter day by day. But it will be worth it. The light is within you, keep tending to your fire.

xoxox

[fiyalin-alaijad]

I don't think there's a chance for redemption for us.

With my time with Fiyalin coming to a rather abrupt end, I'm drawn to giving her a final send off; both as a personal goodbye, and a way of finally getting to show who she really was. This isn't really intended for an audience other than myself, but it seems fitting for it to be left here.

Fiyalin was born into a world that was formed from the remnants of malice and a constant struggle to have your voice heard. A child born out of wedlock to a sheltered mother and an absent father, her chances at a normal childhood were slim to none. Her mother's family were High Elves, while her father was an Eladrin, leading to her distinct gray-green skin that further cemented her as the black sheep of her eventual family.

Adopted by the aging husband of her mother, a regional lord who wanted an heir of his own, she was largely ignored as a small child. Upon the birth of her sisters, the ignorance shifted to distain and thinly veiled hostility. He now had his heirs, and was constantly looking for ways to rid himself of his wife's "mistake".

She had two friends while still at the estate. The local hunter contracted by her step-father. He was kind, soft spoken, and silently aware of the abuse she went through. He taught her to use a bow, track animals, and showed her how to nurture life through gardening.

Her other friend was the library, and more specifically, an old book that spoke to her. It told her that she could run away, right the wrongs done to her, and wield power far greater than what was containing her. It told her she was smart, and strong, and important. All she had to do was ask, and Fiyalin did so without hesitation.

It would be a number of years before she ran away, and she slowly honed her new arcane skills in secret until her sisters pushed her too far and her step-father attempted to kill her.

For awhile, she just roamed and worked odd jobs until finding a group of people to travel with. They hunted monsters, caught thieves, and helped where they could. But Fiyalin is simply not allowed to be happy for long. After witnessing a cruel shopkeeper strike an urchin working for him, she broke into his shop that night and slaughtered him. Fearing the consequences and the disgust of her friends, she fled. It was a number of days she spent in a manic state before stumbling through the woods and into a caravan leaving Midgrove Citadel. It was time to go finish the job she started and claim what she saw was rightfully hers.

In the caravan were three people that would inexplicably change the trajectory of her life. The story from this point is common knowledge, minus a few details that I feel deserve to be known.

Initially, Fiyalin disliked Elizabeth as she looked like her sisters. This soon changed when she saw that Elizabeth had not yet been infected by the cruelty Fiyalin had been raised with. Almost against her own will, Fiyalin saw Elizabeth as another chance to be kind. Unfortunately, that's not something she had the chance to fully learn.

She was there when Elizabeth saw her home on fire and wanted to hold her hand while she pushed her off the edge into the pit of power, fear, and grand ambition she was dragged into years ago. Fiyalin has always been alone, and she wanted Elizabeth to be alone with her. She saw them as the Pact Sisters that would bring an end to the haze the gods had pulled over the world, and bring an end to the injustice they both had faced. She had seen Elizabeth grow darker, but not dark enough to see her.

After years of the Gift Giver telling her how the gods were failures, and the constant anti-Ostian propaganda, there was little chance for her to have a positive relationship with Sato. She saw him as the epitome of divine ignorance, but still grew attached as he was a kindness similar to the one she had experienced from the hunter. She mourned his first death, but would not mourn the second.

Virall was familiar to her on a level she had not yet seen. In another life, he would be the father she deserved. He was violent, but with an intent beyond ambition. He was kind and understanding, even without being shown who she was at her core. With what would come, she hoped he would still be as understanding and kind to her.

Jammer was the first friend she had killed, and he likely would not have been her last. If not for the chaos of the surrounding events and the firm hand of the Gift Giver telling her that she will be protected, this likely would have been another collapse. He wasn't close to her, but she saw a mutual thread of zealous discomfort with their identities.

Belle was of immediate interest to the Gift Giver, and therefore an immediate interest to Fiyalin. She was naive, extremely gifted, and largely easy to take. Her family posed little challenge, but it's difficult to go unnoticed when dragons have such keen senses. Fiyalin did genuinely care for Belle, and did her best to keep her safe and sheltered from what the Gift Giver would eventually use her for so she did not have to feel fear at the end. Fiyalin failed in that regard.

When all was said and done, Fiyalin hoped to have her estate and make a place of warmth, kindness and life; the opposite of what it was the last time she ran away.

As I had said at the start, I don't think there's any redemption for us. Fiyalin was never a hero, and would not have died a noble death. In a way, this is the best ending for her from my perspective. I have a feeling in my gut that she won't receive an ending she deserves, whether she wins or loses. Fiyalin will die alone, in the dark, and surrounded by those who won't handle her with kindness.

Maybe she doesn't deserve kindness and what is to come is what was going to happen all along, but I'd be lying if that hurt. I don't think I'll have another character like her, at least for a long time, so I hope to at least maintain a semblance of the story that was told.

Oh, and, Elizabeth? Be gentle about it, please.

[fenrisisms]

17, 21, and/or 25 for hela and/or kat?

yayyy my girls thank you <3 it will always be AND i love to yap especially about lesbians. thank you for the questions !!

17. what were they like as a child?

hela - wide eyed and curious, infinitely fascinated with the hows and whys of the world. she's also carried a lot of her childhood earnestness into her adult life as well, she's just genuine in her interest in other people. she was one of those children that teachers would describe as a 'pleasure to have in class' for sure LMFAO. i don't think the clan really considered her a remarkable child, but she was well-liked by her peers because she's just like. nice.

kat - truly the only way i can describe her is audacious lmfao. she definitely had a tumultuous childhood (her parents were qun defectors who then joined the fog warriors in the fight for seheron so that was where she grew up. as you can imagine that does things to a person) but i think she grew up kind of feeling untouchable and very assured of her place in the world. i wouldn't exactly say she was arrogant, but definitely confident beyond her years and okay yeah. maybe a little smug about being so Good At Everything at such a young age. her parents being killed really rattled her confidence, but she got it back in her early teens and has held it very tightly ever since, although she was a LOT more rambunctious and rowdy than she is as an adult that's for sure

21. what is their biggest regret?

hela - okay well. hela is 20 years old and the most significant event of her life is like literally the conclave so i'd say probably That, although i do think post-inquisition she'd have the time & space to start mourning the fact that really so much of her life and the time she had to explore and discover herself was lost to being the inquisitor, and ultimately she just regrets that it all happened when she was so YOUNG.

kat - she has a very practical attitude toward regrets where i think she lets them go very easily because she just doesn't have space to like. hold on to that hurt, nor does she want to, but contextually post parent-death she ended up sent to orlais as a "servant" (read: they were not paying her ass) which is where she met her adopted siblings and became irrevocably bonded to them for life when they staged a full-scale revolt and escaped together. and i think some nights when she's alone with her thoughts for too long she really regrets not having kept in touch with the others who escaped with them. like she has Her Guys with her and she knows they're safe and alive and happy, but i think she wonders about the others sometimes too.

25. what did they plan for their life to look like before the events of the game happened?

hela - she was just baby so jot that down. and i don't think she really HAD plans for life yet, she was still trying to figure out who she was as an adult and adjust to her new dynamic within the clan, but i think with that limited understanding, that was what she expected from her life. she would live with her clan, and she would be free, and she would be happy there and maybe one day she'd have a wife and children. i think she had a lot of vague ideas about what her life should be like but i don't think she really knew what she actually wanted just yet.

kat - on the contrary, kat's old enough to have had an established life. she's always kind of operated on a "holy fuck i'm surprised i made it this far" kind of approach to her age, so everything has always been one meticulously-planned day at a time to her. okay today it's this job, the next we'll focus on after we've finished this one because i'm not gonna die distracted etc. and she LOVED her life. she thought she would do her mercenary jobs until she fucked her shoulders up too much to swing her axe anymore, and then she and her siblings would use all the money they uh. repossessed <3 to find some nice place to retire, probably in rivain or something, and they'd leave the new guard to take over the company, and live the rest of their days drinking good booze and talking shit together... or they'd all get themselves killed, but they'd go down swinging and they'd go down together. the sky getting blasted open and kat becoming a religious icon was Not part of the plan. and kat really hates when things do not go according to plan.

[luv4jeno]

jeong jaehyun fanfic recs!

my all time fav jaehyun fics ◡̈ will be updated regularly!

→ theres a LOT but i promise they’re all good😭

🫐 - #1 favs

🍓 - fav author (check out their other works!!!!)

one shots ୨୧ (1k+)

boyfriend material. (6.2k) by @mochidoie

ꕤ fluff, fake dating cliche, strangers to lovers, slight angst 𖦹 Although you and Jaehyun had never spoken a word to each other before this class project, he asks you to be in a fake relationship in order to prove to his longtime crush that he is boyfriend material.

I Can See You (16k) by @saythenametotheworld 🍓🫐

ꕤ workplace romance ; oneshot & inspired by I Can See You by Taylor Swift 𖦹 After a wild, unforgettable hookup with Jung Jaehyun, you were convinced you'd never see him again. Apparently, you were wrong because why is he strutting into your office as your newest coworker?

by @jaevie 🍓 :

1. The Peace in Her Arms (30.1k) 🫐

ꕤ god!Jaehyun (koschei!Jaehyun) x priestess!reader 𖦹 After winning the war against Death, Jaehyun, the Lord of Life, finds himself a lovely wife to enjoy peace, but is soon met with a violent rematch that forces him to send his wife away. Two years later, after carrying his victory with him on the way back home, he finds out that the mournings and havocs of conflict don’t even compare to the pain of his wife not taking him back.

2. The Lies of Apollo (8k) 🫐

ꕤ spy!jaehyun x spy!reader & Romance, enemies to lovers, forbidden love, smut 𖦹 As powerful corporations seek to sun privatization, two spies find themselves falling in love and discovering the wonders of physical affection.

TRY AGAIN (32.4k) by @kaleidohscopic 🫐

ꕤ exes to lovers! au, slight coworkers! au, romance, angst, slow burn, humour, some pining, a touch of smut 𖦹 if you could have it your way, you'd never have to see, hear, or even think about jeong jaehyun ever again. a fortuitous blind date, and that same dimpled smile after all those years, is somehow enough to make you reconsider. maybe he was always meant to be by your side.

by @/loseyoutoloveme on ao3 🍓

1. kiss me. kiss me? (28.1k) by @/loseyoutoloveme on ao3 🫐

ꕤ college/uni!au, school reunion, love at first sight, mutual pining 𖦹 Why does everyone know who he is, including your social recluse roommates? The seven of them don’t stop giving you sly little looks until they're all out the door of your house, and you’re sure they’re going to be discussing you and Jaehyun Jeong for the rest of the night. And why do they say his first and last name together in full, like it’s a thing. Like Kim Kardashian, or Michael Jordan, or Morgan Freeman or… you don’t know. Jaehyun Jeong. Jaehyun Jeong. Jaehyun Jeong. Literally five minutes ago he was just Hot Guy With the Hoodie, your anonymous yet hot campus crush, and now he's somebody.

2. i don’t know anything about you, but yes. (33.9k) 🫐

ꕤ friends to lovers, enemies to lovers, past relationship(s) & angst w/ happy ending 𖦹 You just got done telling your mother you no longer want to be single and her first concern is informing the strange housekeeper she foisted on you with no explanation? Who you already barely talk to? Who couldn’t care less what you do with your free time? Who doesn't know anything about you? You hope she doesn't think you have a crush on that man like the mega-crush you had on your old housekeeper's son. He knew every detail about your life, he deserved to be crushed on. → this is SO good i'm emotionally attached to this fic😭

he fell first, and he fell harder (18.7k) by @taurusdaylight🍓

ꕤ basketball captain! jaehyun x fem! childhood best friend reader 𖦹 jeong jaehyun really loves basketball. but also, he’s terribly in love with his childhood best friend of seventeen years, you.

by @sehunniepotwrites 🍓 :

1. THE MIDNIGHT SHIFT (4.9k)

ꕤ Hospital!AU | New Year’s Eve!AU | Fluff | Comedy | Pediatric Doctor!Jaehyun | Pediatric Nurse!Y/N 𖦹 Working as a pediatric nurse in a busy hospital has both its pros and cons. Some of the pros include: working with children, saving lives, and working alongside the extremely charming and surprisingly single Dr. Jeong Jaehyun. Some of the cons include: not having enough time to date, getting baby fever while being undeniably single, developing a crush on a co-worker, and being called into work on the one holiday you were granted off. Your dreams of ringing in the new year at a lavish party with a boy to kiss were ruined by the night shift but at least you had Dr. Jeong to keep you company when the clock strikes twelve.

2. Something Stupid (1.5k)

ꕤ Friends-with-Benefits!AU | Friends-to-Lovers!AU | Fluff | Suggestive 𖦹 Out of all the things that could spill out of his mouth while spending time with you, Jaehyun finds himself saying the stupidest words of all.

3. IN THE RAIN (1.9k)

ꕤ College!AU | Friends-to-Lovers!AU | Fluff 𖦹 All this time, you were looking for love in the wrong places and in the wrong people. As a serial dater, you never thought you would find it in the pouring rain and in the person you trusted the most.  → reading this was like watching a kdrama scene @$@&$&

4. Head Over Broomsticks (3.5k) 🫐

ꕤ Gryffindor Beater!Jaehyun x (f) Quidditch Announcer!Reader & Hogwarts!AU, Sports!AU, Quidditch!AU, humor, fluff, suggestive 𖦹 When your friends are tired of watching you and your crush go around in circles, they take matters into their own hands. Putting their Advanced Potions skills to the test, Donghyuck and Chenle conjure up a powerful truth serum and slip it in your drink right before a Quidditch game, which leads to a few inappropriate comments about No. 77, Jeong Jaehyun, of Gryffindor’s Quidditch team. This would’ve been fine if you were just a regular spectator but you are much more than that--you’re the Announcer and everyone is subjected to hear your unfiltered thoughts. Just great.

Oops, Baby (I Love You) (12.5k) by @prodbymaui 🫐🍓

ꕤ modern royalty ; arranged marriage 𖦹 you had been living your life as a rebellious and controversial crown princess, now you must face the consequence of purifying your tainted image; marrying the gentle and infamous crown prince of South Korea.

redamancy: with Jaehyun (14k) by @icedcappujaeno

ꕤ arranged marriage!au | rich people! au | fluff | angst | smut

try again (19.8k) by @gimmehyuck 🫐

ꕤ idol!jaehyun x teacher!yn 𖦹 jaehyun remembers the night he met you, and even after that one night he often thought of you and wished things would have been different, but by a weird twist of fate he gets to see you again, except this time... you're not alone.

HAPPY NOW? (19.9k) by @hwaflms

ꕤ fake dating?, exes to ??? au 𖦹 your family has been pressuring you for months to bring your boyfriend, jaehyun, over for dinner, and you think it’s really sweet that they like him so much. the only problem is that your “boyfriend” jaehyun, hates you.

romeo roulette (21.2k) by @wincore 🍓

ꕤ soulmate au, office au, fake dating, fluff (a lot), angst (a little), romcom, magical realism 𖦹 if finding your soulmate is the same as a damn game of russian roulette, you are determined to not pull the trigger at all. except, you know who your soulmate is and he doesn’t—and given a choice to pretend, you find that jaehyun is the lesser of the two burdens to bear.

enchanted (23k) by @taelme 🍓🫐

ꕤ regency!au, (not so)enemies-to-lovers!au, viscount!Jaehyun 𖦹 in a world where marriage is nothing more than an economic proposition, and where a person is no more than what they can offer, you and Jaehyun rediscover what it means to be with each other, in the very essence of the word → veryyyy bridgerton coded

when the fratboy falls (8.9k) by @gyeomsweetgyeom🍓

ꕤ fratboy!Jaehyun x tutor!reader 𖦹 Jaehyun is a fratboy with a notorious reputation for being a playboy, you have never heard of him. surely, he can use tutoring as an excuse to get close to you, right?

someone to bring home (10.2k) by @rouiyan

ꕤ medstudent!jaehyun x (fem.) reader (featuring older brother and medstudent!johnny) ꕤ college au, strangers to lovers, brother’s best friend au, home for thanksgiving au

by @smileysuh 🍓 :

1. The V Week Spy (20.1k) 🫐

ꕤ frat au, forestry major Jaehyun, Valentines Day theme 𖦹 Every year, seven days before Valentines day, sororities and frats are paired together, and eligible himbos, hoes, bimbos and fuckboys alike volunteer to be raffled for a chance to become the year’s V Week Spy. V Week is open season, with outings and parties tailored to be the perfect excuse for sexscapades, with the knowledge than 1 boy and 1 girl are undercover, grading sexual performances. Once the week is over, at the annual Valentines Day Party, the evaluations are presented- It’s a bad time to be unsure about someone’s feelings towards you, and an even worse time to fall in love.

2. christmas puppy (11k)

ꕤ uni/frat au, best friend's brother Jae, boy next door Jae, secret romance, established relationship 𖦹 “God, you’re so jealous,” you laugh. Your best friend’s brother doesn’t usually act this way, at his frat, everyone knows you’re his, no one would dare come near you- but here, in your hometown, surrounded by past crushes and would be romancables, it’s open season, and it’s clear that it’s making Jaehyun uncomfortable.

3. knight of roses (9.1k) 🫐

ꕤ Fantasy au, fairy au, royal au, knight!Jaehyun, princess!y/n 𖦹 The Knight of Roses looks so beautiful as he says his piece, and the idea that he’s already committed to you is one that makes your heart race in your chest. He’s so beautiful- and you’ve tried to deny it for too long. You hate being the girl who falls for the same man that everyone else has their eye on, and Jaehyun has no lack of suitors, especially in court. However, you suppose there’s always legitimacy in the looks of a man who has captured the hearts of many.

romanée-conti (24k) by @yougotthatbilly

ꕤ sugar daddy!jaehyun | slowburn | smut 𖦹 Having a sugarless- sugar daddy is proving to be more difficult than planned.

the wedding (9.5k) by @jae-canikeepyou

ꕤ fluff + crack-ish + rival!jaehyun 𖦹 jeong jaehyun’s your long-time friend, and as far as one could remember, every single and little thing you both do ends to a competition; it turned into a permanent kind of relationship you have for over a decade now. no one expects that it would ever change, not until a childhood friend of yours from high school decides to make you two as his singers for his upcoming wedding.

against all odds. (13.2k) by @starryhyuck

ꕤ hogwarts au, gryfindoor!jaehyun x slytherin!reader 𖦹 jeong jaehyun has always had the biggest crush on you. that is, until he finds out you’re engaged to nakamoto yuta.

honeymoon avenue (12.3k) by @lisired

ꕤ smut, a pinch of angst, fluff, stuck in an elevator with your ex-fiancé, exes to lovers, unprotected sex, oral (f receiving) 𖦹 A year ago, wedding bells were ringing and you were screaming, “Yes!” at the top of your lungs. Last Christmas, you were supposed to be wed under a mistletoe. This Christmas, company finds you in the form of your ex-fiancé that broke off your engagement after you’re both inconveniently trapped in an elevator.

remember when (12.7k) by @moondustis

ꕤ angst, smut, soulmate!au, rich kid!au, convenience marriage!au, hurt/comfort, college!au 𖦹 A story about vulnerability and the lines we draw to avoid it. About soulmates, desires, setting yourself free. And, of course, a story about love and discovering exactly what it is.

by @ppangjae 🍓 :

1. moon river (17.1k)

ꕤ president’s son!jaehyun | arranged marriage!au | doctor!reader | fluff | angst | implied smut | slice of life!au 𖦹 Your mother warned you of many boys. She’s warned you of the immature ones, the players, and even the fools and cowards. But man, she has never warned you of guys like Jeong Jaehyun, the President’s son, who seems to be falling in love with you with every passing day even though he’s already engaged to someone he’s been set up to marry.

2. ordinary people (18.3k)

ꕤ fluff, angst, slow burn, fake dating!au + friends to lovers!au + ceo!jaehyun 𖦹 Jaehyun’s parents are coming home for Christmas and he may have made the biggest mistake of telling them he has a ‘girlfriend’. Insert you, his best friend, who so happens to be the only girl he knows and trusts. You, on the other hand, would have never expected Jaehyun to show up at your door at two in the morning with nothing but a proposition; to be his fake girlfriend. And man, are you in big trouble.

3. June 24 (3.8k) 🫐

ꕤ fluff + soulmate!au + time loop!au 𖦹 Some share the same tattoos with their soulmate. Others have countdowns embedded in their skin, counting down the days left until they meet their soulmate. But you? You’ve stopped aging since you turned eighteen. You’re twenty-three now and on one fine day, fate decides to have you wake up and live that same day; the same 24 hours until you meet your soulmate.

4. the stages. (2.4k)

ꕤ roommate!au + friends to lovers!au | fluff (lots of it) 𖦹 The stages of falling in love with your roommate slash best friend, according to Jeong Jaehyun.

by @anashins 🍓 :

1. His Love Her Force (28k) 🫐

ꕤ undercover detective!Jaehyun x ballerina!reader 𖦹 Fleeing from a ruthless stalker, you are forced to participate in a witness protection program at the other side of the world, pretending to be the wife of a taciturn undercover detective from now on. Despite all differences, you slowly start to settle with your new life as a married couple - until your newfound happiness is stripped away from you all over again.

2. fwb jaehyun but he's secretly completely whipped for her (1.2k) 🫐

𖦹 Jaehyun gets hit on at a party, but he has his eyes on one girl only, even though he claims he doesn't do relationships.

forevermore (9.4k) by @jenoloqy

ꕤ fluff, comedy, best friends to lovers au, college au 𖦹 in this episode of “college is ruining my life”, three boys guide you in finally making a move on your crush (and best friend), jeong jaehyun: basketball captain, owner of half the gray hoodies in your closet and probably more dense than donghyuck… if you look carefully. here’s the story of your four failed attempts to confess, and the one time you did successfully.

Between Sunrise And Sunsets (2.6k) 🫐

ꕤ fluff, established relationship 𖦹 It’s way too early for boyfriend!Jaehyun to be driving with you, so you try to keep him awake on the road with a game of trivia and sudden confessions → author deactivated but i’ve linked the reblog of the full oneshot here :)

EYE OF AFFECTION (12.9k) by @himechia 🫐

ꕤ colorblind!jae, painter!reader, jae's mom is reader’s art mentor, jae hates art, strangers to lovers, major crushing from both sides 𖦹 for as long as he can remember, jae's world has been in black and white - giving him no reason to appreciate his mother’s profession as an artist and the beauties that art can provide. however, an accidental meeting with you gives him reason to doubt his former beliefs - proving to him that there may be true beauty in a world that’s void of everything bright, that beauty being the sunshine that you provide. 

city of angels (4.6k)

ꕤ angst, fluff, college au, non idol au, strangers to friends to lovers au 𖦹 in which jaehyun is a few drinks in and he starts thinking about you a little too much than he would like to admit. the problem? he’s been purposely avoiding you for some time. why? because he’s scared. of what? of what you two were becoming.

series ୨୧

Spitting Image (12h 32 min reading time) by @/playerhyuck on wattpad 🍓🫐

ꕤ text!au, dad!au, idol!au 𖦹 Everyone has secrets, some come in the form of a 5 year old who spills hot chocolate all over the carpet. Who knew a mere part time job could lead Kira to meet her idol, and eventually find love where she never expected to. 𖦹 The earth shattering sneezes, the weird sense of humour understood by 1% of the population, the deep dad laughs, and the rough manhandling of nct albums (and members), made fans jokingly speculate that Jaehyun was hiding a family somewhere, but what if it ended up being true after all? → jaehyun in this fic is just SO jaehyun

by @baobaojng 🍓 :

1. secrets of the hill (27.4k) 🫐

ꕤ 1800’s jaehyun!au , arranged marriage! au , supernatural-ish?!au , victorian? 𖦹 in the present day you are confused; you do not know who you are and you find yourself on an impossible quest to find out— until you wake up in the 1800’s, engaged to a hauntingly beautiful and uptight man who tries to figure out why the girl he’s been betrothed to has drastically changed. → so good but hasn’t been updated in a while :(

2. when icarus falls (32.1k)

ꕤ college athlete!au , crush!au 𖦹 some tragic story of you sharing one class with your long time college crush jaehyun who never notices you until he accidentally reads your work and he gets curious— oh, and he uses lame excuses to get to talk to you.

ERROR (7.1k) by @ppangjae 🍓

ꕤ college!au | e2l!au | fluff ; pairing. comp sci TA!jaehyun x fem!reader 𖦹 You’d be considered lucky to have computer science genius Jeong Jaehyun as your TA, but not for academic reasons. 

Our Kids Talk about Us (20k)

- two parts ꕤ single parents au, angst, fluff, romance, smut 𖦹 After his beloved wife's death, Jaehyun still wears his wedding ring to keep women away from him. When your kids become friends and his daughter starts to move on, he suddenly finds himself being the one stuck in the past.

seven letters (16.7k)

- two parts ꕤ soulmate!au | childhood friends to lovers!au | slight fake dating!au | fluff | angst 𖦹 On a camping trip, you find a message in a bottle that’s been washed up the shore, only to find out that it’s a message from you in the future. Your message tells you three things: 1. You must make Jeong Jaehyun fall in love with you because, 2. He’s your soulmate and 3. Because of your future self’s mistake, he ended up falling in love with someone else.

by @/loseyoutoloveme on ao3 🍓

→ i reccomend all their works esp if you love reading long fics!!!

1. at the heart of it all (50.8k) 🫐

ꕤ enemies to friends to lovers - open ao3 link for more info 𖦹 V doesn’t even look up from his computer at Jaehyun, not even dignifying his worst enemy with a response. You think that if you don’t act as a middleman here, your boyfriend is going to behave in a manner that will definitely get you kicked out of this quiet library.

2. convenient solutions to love’s grim, grim dilemmas (159.4k) 🫐

ꕤ basketball player!jh & news reporter!reader, fake dating, enemies to friends to lovers 𖦹 Is it even worth comparing Jaehyun Jeong, star point guard for the Chicago Bulls, with Johnny Suh, renowned starting pitcher for the Chicago Cubs? You’ve loved John for what feels like an eternity of years, since the very first day you met in college. It makes sense that you would hate anyone who wasn’t just like him, and Jaehyun is that. → i think about this fic too much🙁 its so good trust me💔

3. two stones and one bird are hanging out in their bush! (252.8k)

ꕤ footballplayer!jh, doctor!reader 𖦹 He must not realize he’s doing it, because he blinks at the sound of your snap and warbles in confusion, “Ma���am?” “It’s doctor,” you growl. Who the hell does this dumbass athlete dude think he is? Your title is right there on your fucking scrubs, M.D., F.A.C.S., Chief of Trauma Surgery. You’re not a fucking receptionist and you fucking worked for this, so he needs to use the title you earned. No exceptions.

4. he’ll be nobody after tonight (101.6k) 🫐

ꕤ based off princess diaries 2 𖦹 A princess has to get married to a prince, a lord, a duke, a count, anyone that has the littlest bit of royal blood in their veins. Not an annoying surfer boy in her PhD classes. Not that you’d ever want to get married to someone as annoying as Jaehyun Jeong, but still. Having the choice is the point.

5. you’re the loveliest, lemon drop (54.9k)

ꕤ friends to lovers & singer!jaehyun 𖦹 You focus your attention on your cousin’s unrecognizable companion. His back is turned in most of the shots, his profile in the third image giving you a sliver of a glimpse at his face. Of course he’d be vaguely hot even in these crappy pap shots, but you really just don’t have any idea who he is. You voice it as much, “Who the hell is Jeffrey Jung anyways? America’s sweetheart?”

6. ah, she’s here. time to wake up. (184.9k) 🫐

ꕤ time travel au / inspired by sleeping beauty & cinderella 𖦹 “Let me see…” You raised your voice to break up your friend's relationship tussles for the third time, then bent over to read the elegant museum placard. You almost fell on the goddamn ground when you recognized the name, “Prince Jaehyun, the last Jeong prince of America—Holy shit, this is him? Why did I think he was a crusty old dude?”. You checked the painting again and yup, he was still hot. Which didn’t make any fucking sense.

7. by the way, i love you (80.9k) 🫐

ꕤ f1!au & best friends to lovers & inspired by romeo and juliet 𖦹 Your family and the Jeongs have been at each other’s throats for forever now. They argue about anything and everything, every inevitable interaction you have is stroked in the outline of Ferrari vs. Mercedes with the brothers at the helm. There’s been shouting, there’s been drama, there’s been loads of tears, and there’s even been blood two or three times on the race track. But somehow, both the youngest kids - both you and your best friend, because despite all of this Jaehyun is still your best friend - ended up on the outskirts of it. You don't get it.

just friends timestamp series by @smoll-tangerine 🍓🫐

ꕤ best friends to lovers 𖦹 you and your best friend jaehyun pretend to date each other because you are a broke university student who likes to take advantage of some deals that require you to be, well, not single.

by @jeongvision 🍓

1. parent au time stamps series 🫐

2. "CAN I BORROW"? timestamp series (extra scene: roommates au + “Quick, my ex just walked in! Pretend that we’re dating.” ) 🫐

→ i recommend checking out her other parent aus in her masterlist 😋

drabbles & timestamps ୨୧

(mostly fluff)

[00:27] by @morningsunandnightsky 🫐

[1:32] by @chocojae 🫐

[10:15 am] (747 words) by @yunopouts 

[11:49 AM] by @lattaeyongs 

[6:53 pm] by @peachjaem00 

[8:00 pm] by @floraljae 🫐

[10:28PM] by @nctsplug02

[11:40 PM] by @cozyjae

made to hold hands by @flirtyhyuck 

loving you is easy by @omlhyck 

clingy (351 words) by @daydreamingyuta 🫐

loving you is easy by @smileyerim 🫐

whiplash by @lino-jagiyaa 

reincarnation by @nizhspo 

sweet (400 words) by @doeilovr 

dimples (587 words) by @hyunverse

by @gyeomsweetgyeom 🍓 :

[8:34 pm]🫐 [7:41 am]🫐

dimples🫐 just makes sense🫐

→ her jaehyun drabbles are the cutest thing ever i def rec checking out her masterlist!

by @nsheetee :

Jaehyun x Reader + “Cruel Summer” by Taylor Swift.

Ravenclaw!Jaehyun x Ravenclaw!Reader 🫐

by @theje0ngs :

speak now (2k) - runaway groom!au

05:34 (329 words) - new parents!au

by @jungstruly :

singledad!jaehyun color tattoo🫐

texts ୨୧

text recs here !!!!

last updated 2024/11/06

lmk if any of the links dont work <3

→ also this list is mainly for me to rmb my fav fics so plz give me any recs if u don’t see it here >_<

[useless-anxiety-cucumber]

I think that May is a month for mourning.

You wouldn't think it, with it's deceptively clear skies and sun that pokes it's green head out again, not yet knowing how not to scorch.

As May ticks by like book pages turn and mushroom multiply, I find myself grieving what I thought I had gotten over.

I grieve my dog. I grieve my old friends. I grieve my parents. I grieve myself.

The dog is not yet dead, nor near to it, but I know that she will end, one day, and all I'm going to get is a phone call. I miss a goodbye I haven't said and never will.

My friends have grown up just like I have, on paths that since divulged, perhaps never to cross again. We have and will all spread out, each other's faces to become smudged memories we gaze fondly at in 4 years time, when we find our old yearbook and remember.

I can feel the end coming with my parents, like the calm before the massive storm that you know will raize the land. It is so bittersweet, to leave those who raised you, who threatened you, who took care of you and who disparaged you. I will think of my mom when I see heart-warmingly tacky cow decorations, and when I taste the burn of tequila, and when I have to stop myself from screaming and tearing my hair out, and when I smell acrid lye. I will think of my dad when I see pale beers, or a sweet chocolate left for someone, or an anti-abortion protest.

Myself is all that remains. I know that I must let go. I must let the little girl my vessel is puppeteering free, to exist only in the vestigial memories of childhood. But I am scared. I am scared of losing everyone I've already mourned. Somehow, it's still not enough.

[dinosaurchurch]

A year ago I said goodbye to my father. He would've been sixty-one his birthday this year.

It's strange for me to say it that the further away an event gets the more fuzzy my memories become, this I feel is no different in that regard. There's times where small details become blurry to me until I'm reminded of them (it's partly why I take so many pictures of the people and the places I've witnessed). The things I wrote at the time of his passing I no longer cry over when I read them. It's almost as if I'm remembering the moment through a foggy pane of glass when it comes to my emotions, I remember the heartache but I can't make myself feel like that now when reminiscing on the event. I don't know if it's because I'm not at all an emotionally inclined individual (I've never been super in touch with my emotions, it still takes me a while to digest them) or perhaps this is something everyone goes through as grief and time passes.

I remember my nostalgic streak biting back hard at the time as the floodgates of memories opened up on everything little thing I thought I had forgotten. Things from my childhood cropping up that I didn't realized I missed until I really thought about them and what they provided. Even through the rocky times and the moments where I wanted to hate my father so much I found I just couldn't, a part of me truly is soft deep down inside much to the dismay or judgements of others.

One of the things I promised myself was to not make the same mistakes as my old man; That I'd embrace my faults and not let them get the best of me but rather understand them and do what I can with them to make life easier if I could. It's difficult for me to put this into words but it's the sense of having foresight to know what I should do spite it being hard because of what I've witnessed other people doing.

There was a lot of potential I believe my father had (just like anyone) but in the end he wasn't able to achieve that, I think that was one of the things that hurt the most is seeing him crumble away into fruitless desires and inevitably force a wedge between him and others. It's that self destructiveness and the passiveness to not change course that eventually takes it's toll on the people around you even without you realizing it, perhaps that's why as much as I frankly don't give a shit about other people and what they think of me I still try to make life as pleasant as possible if I can. Life isn't worth living if everything has to be done out of spite or out of your own vindictiveness. I don't think so anyways especially now that I've gotten older and I've mellowed over the years.

A person's death is one of those strange occurrences that shifts your mindset and is something that you can't really prepare for or fully explain to someone if they haven't experienced it for themselves. Sure, everyone mourns differently - hell even some other species do like elephants or wolves but it's that connection being severed that places a solid ground for people. Sometimes it's fear that you really are here for a limited time, that sense of your own mortality or that deep sense of connection with those around you as people come out of the dark to comfort you in your hour of need.

I've had people ask me if I'm afraid to go, but frankly it's not me I'm afraid for but rather who I'm going to leave behind and the kind of state they'll be in. I don't want to leave others unable to cope once I'm gone, I want them to be strong and remember me for the small yet impactful things I might've done. Even if it's just one person that I changed the course through some strange turn of events for the better that would be good enough for me.

I think my father's death really put things into perspective for me that no matter how much prep time I have for something, I'll never truly be prepared. Life is funny enough like that overall, it's why I've had to loosen up the reigns on myself and having to have everything scheduled - there's no point, it should be a strong guideline but not set in stone if you can help it.

One of the more interesting things that I don't think people talk about much is how one person can keep other people in touch and connected with one another. You take that person out of the equation and you drop other pieces completely. There's now an entire part of my family that doesn't talk to me or some of the other people now that my father is gone and I don't know if I ever will talk to them again. I'm not someone to go chasing others to get their attention, I've done enough of that to last me a lifetime. Some people really are the glue that keeps everyone together, it's incredible what kind of small yet loud impact someone can have on your life even if they're not super close to you.

The biggest takeaway from all of this is no matter how long it's been, a part of you will always long for the person that's gone. I think how I handled it will be a lot different from a lot of people because I have my emotions buried so deep. I tend not to show how I feel but I still feel deeply about the moment, it was bad enough that a small handful of people thought I didn't care. That always struck me as jarring and is definitely one thing I'll forever remember about my father's passing is how little I wear my heart on my sleeve. It's not that I don't intend to, it's just how I am, how I've been and probably how I always will be.

Hopefully where ever he is he's resting easy. He might not of been perfect by any means - none of us are - but I like to think that the soul heals over time even on the other side...

Cheers.

[hxli4n]

i wrote this little... something? at 5am, while incredibly sleep deprived. anyway, i kinda like it & wanted to share, so here it is!

----------------------------------------------------

mourning is a funny thing, you know?

you don't have to have a loved one die to experience it. i'm lucky enough to say that everyone in my family i'm close to is alive, and still plays an active role in my life.

and yet, i still mourn sometimes. i mourn the previous phases of my life, my past interests, the people i once considered my favourites. i mourn everything and everyone i've ever loved, no matter how small of an impact they had on my life.

quarantine wasn't ideal, of course - but the memories i created there are still deeply engraved in my brain. i remember every laugh, every interaction with people i normally would've barely talked to. i remember the late night talks, the silly jokes, all the little things. would i wish to go back to that time? no, probably not. but i still mourn.

i mourn the things that used to make me happy, even if i've found ones that make me much happier now. i vividly remember when a certain thing had such a deep impact on me that i think it saved me, saved my life in a way. it was my entire existence back then - and yet now i left it behind, i barely even think about it anymore.

and it's the same with people, really. past friendships and relationships i look back on, no matter how brief they might've been. i cling to the memories of them, to all the things they've given me with their presence.

and sometimes this mourning is nostalgic - it's looking back at old pictures, smiling, remembering how much it all used to mean. it's remembering all the times it pulled me out of a bad mental space, all the times it made me excited and happy more than anything. of all the videos, all the hours i spent with people i barely even talk to today, if at all.

but sometimes, it's anything but nostalgia and soft smiles. sometimes it's hysterically crying in my room, clutching my phone in my hand,  wishing i was still there. sometimes it's sleepless nights, thinking about how happy i was back then, itching for the person who caused that happiness - although really, it's just the feeling itself i'm longing for. sometimes it's desperately trying to hold onto the long gone feelings something used to cause me.

it's all the things that shaped me into who i am today, no matter how tiny or seemingly silly.

so yes, i mourn sometimes. i mourn my childhood, my previous favourite medias, the stupid videos and even stupider jokes. i mourn the people who are still in my life - not because i think i'll lose them, but because i hold them so close to my heart it feels impossible not to. i mourn my memories with them, despite being excited to create even more of them to hold onto.

it's all a paradox, really - i live in the past, constantly looking back, but at the same time, all that is in front of my eyes is my future, wondering what life holds for me.

i feel like a child, unable to let go of things he was supposed to move on from years ago. and yet here i am, still on the brink of adulthood, mamaging university and being away from almost everything i used to know.

but i love to think that that's just what life is - navigating between the past and the future, just trying to stay alive and enjoy things while we can.

and i also love to think that i'm managing it. i don't dare to say well, sometimes i feel impossibly close to giving up - but i'm alive, and that's what matters.

[luckyyyduckyyy]

TAG GAME NOM NOM NOM-

Thank you @divinit3a! 🐶🐕🐶 And you too @juukai I was going to tag you but it seems you beat me to the punch! How dare!!!!! /pos

I adore tag games <333

Tagging goobers I think would like to do this! If you're getting multi tagged, sorry but it's my duty to tag you. (No pressure tags tho <3)

And if I didn't tag you and you want to do this PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE- (Do it! I would love to see what y'all say! :D )

@midnight-mourning @pointyfruit @sinister-sincerely @fishm0ther

@ping-ski @r0b0-wannabe @amarynthian-fortress @flowysgonemad @meridiantears

@buzzybee3 @itsmuffiiee @alynwrench @mitathemita

What is your favorite color?

Pink! Specifically pastel pink! I love all the pastel colors though. (Oddly enough I don't have many pastel clothes-)

2. Describe the aesthetic of your favorite kind of jester. If you cannot vividly imagine a jester dancing in your head, describe any silly little guy that so strikes your interest.

I would be thrown into jail for life and doomed for eternity in the afterlife if I don't highlight the DCA. My main goobers! I never been so interested in Jesters or Clowns before, even solar themes, so when they initially caught my interest I was so confused. But just tricksters are so awesome, and gremlin, sassy, or even mean characteristics from them are so unique and lovable! Of course I love it when they're extra sweet too though <3

The poofy pants! The curly shoes! All the bells! Love it so much! I also reallllly love patterns, stripes and polkadots being my favorite! Though a good ol checkerboard can never go wrong!

I wish I could give more details about Jesters, but besides the dca I am a jester novice... 😔

3. Tell me an animal fun fact you think is particularly neat.

Chinchillas are the fluffiest animals in the world and can live up to 20 years in captivity. (They're my favorite animal too!)

4. What is/was your favorite toy, either from childhood or now?

This old, pink dog, LPS doll I had since elementary, it even has a code for the MMO game attached to its butt! It's very old and has stains, my dog chewed her nose off and I had tried to shoddily sew it back on with my little baby hands. Never properly fixed it even now because it just brings a sweet pang in my heart. I'll fix it if the nose ever falls off though.

5. What is your favorite word? You are entirely allowed to list multiple if too many are just so good, let's hear all your best words.

While I do have the funny words I like to use all the time like Goober/goobies or duders, I sincerely think my favorite word is love. I love to use it lol, it's so versatile! You can use it in average conversation, or use it to express just the wide varieties of love that are out there! I'm also a bit of a romantic I think, so love is also just something I like to see everywhere. :3

6. What is a line, section, or snippet you've written that you're particularly pleased with/proud of?

It's hard to pick! I got a lot of stuff I like, but I am very proud of my latest fic "Naturally, please show me your bones, bones, bones". I think it really shows how much better of a writer I am now than when I started. :)

" Like the dutiful animatronic he is, Moon carefully sat you on the bench inside the station and started to retrieve items to patch you up and care for that nasty burn.

Without removing his hand from your face of course, he could do everything one handed, deaf, and blind if need be.

He just didn't think you'd allow him to treat you if he released you yet; he did rush into such an act without even warning you.

How ungentlemanly of him…

But then again, he already knew his bones were ugly. "

I also have been working on another Moon-centric fic in my off time over a couple months and I got some bangers in there too! I was rereading the entire thing recently to re-introduce myself to what has occurred thus far, and found myself just so satisfied with this little scene! (No context because I'm evil hehe)

" He keeps his gaze on you while you start to row again. He seems to try to say something, but no words come out, eyes sparkling with unshed tears. Instead, he startles when the next soul passes through his hand, and the two of you watch the souls go by–conversing about their dreams as if nothing happened. "

7. Favorite non-real creature? (Includes cryptids, fantasy creatures, mythical beasts, yokai, original species, monster, any creature that isn't real but still makes you go "Oh, this one is neat")

Fae. It's such a good concept and creature man, I could eat them up all the time. I wish there were MORE in the dca fandom just so I can ALSO eat it up!!!! I love all the possibilities they have and just how morally grey they are usually portrayed as!

Though I eat up any creatures! Mer, cryptid, doll, ghost, Mutant, Monster, Hybrid, just anything really. Go wild man I'll even read about a sentient blender!

Making my own silly tag game

Normal tag games don't have the questions I think are really important, so here are exactly seven questions I actually care about.

What is your favorite color?

Describe the aesthetic of your favorite kind of jester. If you cannot vividly imagine a jester dancing in your head, describe any silly little guy that so strikes your interest.

Tell me an animal fun fact you think is particularly neat

What is/was your favorite toy, either from childhood or now?

What is your favorite word? You are entirely allowed to list multiple if too many are just so good, let's hear all your best words.

What is a line, section, or snippet you've written that you're particularly pleased with/proud of?

Favorite non-real creature? (Includes cryptids, fantasy creatures, mythical beasts, yokai, original species, monster, any creature that isn't real but still makes you go "Oh, this one is neat")

@ your pals to politely request they tell you these fun things about themselves via reblog. @ as many people as you want. @ no one. @ yourself. @ an image of a funny horse. There are no rules here.

I will tag some of my pals here :) @venomous-qwille @eyndr-stories @writing-forever @aviul @ohno-the-sun @pillowspace @kc-wilson-art

[lilac-5ky]

Today is a sad day for me, it's the birthday of my best friend who passed away 6 months ago... I'm trying to remember our happy memories but it's still hard...

But I was wondering if you'd be willing to write a scenario of takasugi comforting his s/o on their deceased best friends' birthday ? I just need some tender stuff in this sad day

A/N: First of all, I'd like to say that I'm really sorry for your loss. It's always sad to have young people pass away and I can't imagine what it must be like for you. I haven't really lost anyone close to me so it's not as if I can channel that feeling, still, I decided to write this right after receiving your request. I hope this is enough to comfort you in the slightest and hey, if you want to talk to someone, I can listen.

Uh side note, I may need to be a bit vague or a bit specific while writing this considering details might be required.

Takasugi comforting S/O after the death of a friend.

Six months, half a year, that's how long it had been, you realized looking at the calendar. Six months had gone by since that fateful day, since the day your cherished friend, your comrade, the one person that tied you to your previous life, had fallen in battle. She had been the one person who'd been with you through it all, the happy moments, the sad moments, the war, pretty much everything. If you were to be honest with yourself, she had even been the reason behind your joining the Kiheitai. If it wasn't for her, you wouldn't have considered Takasugi's offer, you wouldn't have forsaken everything to go on what appeared to be a suicide mission. Yet here you were, while she...

In all these months following her absence, so much had changed that you had no time to look back, no time to reminisce, no time to mourn. To follow Takasugi meant to look into the future, to drag your feet if needed forward. Allowing yourself to hesitate would only result to you becoming deadweight to everyone, including him, especially him. To even think that if it wasn't for her, you wouldn't have joined him, you wouldn't have met him, you wouldn't have fallen for him and he wouldn't have fallen for you. Words couldn't describe how grateful you were for her, to have been her friend even if it was for a short period of your lifetime. No matter what, the debt you owed her would be one you needed to carry on, a debt you'd make sure to repay whether that was in this life or the next one.

And so, six months had passed with you carrying on, refusing to shed a single tear for her, no matter the pain. Yet something about today was different, it was her birthday after all. Usually, you didn't care much about birthdays, always nagging when your own birthday came around. She always tried to make things into a big deal, forcing you to try to repay her kindness in the form of gifts during her birthday. No matter how small or grand it was, she always appreciated whatever it was that you got her, while you insisted that there was no need to celebrate getting older like that. Still, now that she wasn't around anymore, you longed to celebrate just one last time with her, just this once.

This is a mistake, you mumbled out loud, clenching the gift bag tight against your chest as you walked through the port, looking around you just to make sure you weren't followed. You walked frantically through the crowd, making your way to the city. There was no telling how long you'd been walking, each step bringing you closer to your destination, the only thing indicating how much time had passed being the sun setting behind you.

Soon, you reached your old neighborhood, the familiar rows of houses standing there stubbornly against the passage of time. No one lived there anymore, everyone having either moved away, evacuated or...

Your steps became heavier as you looked at your own house, a reminder of a forsaken past, a bygone era. Walking through the ruins, you found yourself standing before her house, the place where you'd spent the majority of your childhood at. This is where you played together, where you ate together, where you had planned each and every of your shenanigans together, a house that felt more like home than your actual home.

"Y/F/N, I'm back. I'm home." Pushing the heavy iron gate open, you took a few steps in. The house, although ravaged, was in a better condition than your own. The pillars stood ever so proudly, gatekeeprs of your childhood memories, the floors welcoming your feet with each thump.

Once you reached the porch, you sat near the edge of it, your feet dangling back and forth against the dirt while you placed the bag next to your side.

"It's been so long, hasn't it? I remember the last time we were here, it was back then when you first told me about the Kiheitai. I thought you were crazy, you know? Joining a man whose sole aspiration was to watch the world crumble beneath him. You must have been crazy to follow him yet, maybe, after all I was the one who was crazy enough to follow you." Reminiscing that night, you couldn't help but chuckle softly. "You barely knew how to keep your sword up back then. If the old man knew, then he'd definitely scold you. Really, you are lucky that he passed away first or else..." Pausing for a second you sighed. That's right. Neither her father nor her were around anymore. You were all alone, the only thing keeping you company being the ghosts of the past as you watched your own memories unfold before you.

"Y/F/N, you know, you are really cruel. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have gotten through all this trouble. Look at me now, I'm one of the most wanted people in the entire Edo and all that because of you and you... you aren't even here to see it, are you? Are you even listening to me?" Words started to strain your throat, each time your voice came out sounding like a croak. There was no point holding on anymore. No one was around to see, it was okay.

Reaching to the bag next to you, you fished out a bottle of sake. It was one of the many objects you had brought to her, most of them being her favorite snacks that you had managed to obtain while traveling. Balancing the bottle between your legs, you popped it open.

"You stupid drunkard, I even brought this to you and you won't come drink it. Why aren't you taking it? Why aren't you getting all flushed, begging me to pour you just one more drink, huh? Tell me, Y/F/N, why?" Before you knew it, tears were falling from your eyes, cold rain staining the ground below you drop after drop. Bringing the bottle close to your mouth, you took a sip in an attempt to drown the pain away, the warmth of the alcohol setting your insides ablaze. Once you had enough, you twisted the bottle slightly, angling it towards the ground to pour her a shot, when a hand got in the way, slowly pulling the bottle away from you.

"Such a waste." At the sound of the man's voice, you looked up, finding no other than Takasugi himself looking down upon you.

"Shinsuke? What are you doing here?" Wiping your eyes with the back of your palm, you looked at him. You hadn't even heard him approach you, his steps as quiet as the wind.

"Bansai told me. If I knew what you were about to do, I wouldn't let you have a day off." Taking a seat next to you, he toyed with the bottle between his fingers, peering at the ground. You had promised yourself that you wouldn't let him see you cry, the loss of your friend being a private issue. You had pledged to him that you'd be his ally before his lover and the last thing Takasugi needed was a hesitant and frail blade. However now that you were here, away from prying eyes, you couldn't help but wish that just this once, you could stop being that person for him, that just this once, he would comfort you the way only he could.

"You know, Y/N, this was what she wanted. I've seen many fall in the battlefield, from farmers to renowned warriors, from men and women, to children, even, and I've come to realize that, death makes no discrimination. But, people who join the Kiheitai all have a thing in common; they are well aware of the fate that awaits them and they still choose it over everything else." Bringing the bottle to his own lips, he took a sip, his eye stealing a glance at you. "The point is, no matter how unfair or cruel her fate was, she had braced herself for it the second she joined me. It's the same for her as it was for the ones before her. The ones who have to suffer through a crueler fate, are us after all, don't you think?"

"What... what do you mean?"

"No matter how many die before us, we need to keep moving, using their bodies as a bridge if it means that we'll reach higher. We wouldn't be here if it wasn't for their sacrifices. Mourning them, letting sorrow get to us, that's all useless. Instead of letting such bothersome feelings get to you, use them. Fight against this world no matter what it takes, even if you have no blade in your hands just keep fighting. Destroy everything until there is nothing left, until no injustice remains, until we reach the end. This is the life your friend chose, the life you chose. "

Hearing him speak, you knew that he meant well with his words but right now, they only served as a reminder of all the horrible things you'd seen with your eyes. He was right, he was speaking nothing but the truth, yet rather than comforting you, his words only managed to scratch that lump in your throat.

Bringing your hands to your eyes, you buried your face between your palms. God, you looked so pathetic, so weak, yet you couldn't help it anymore. All the suppressed emotions, all the pain, the anger, the guilt was pouring out of you.

Crying to your heart's content like that, you felt Shinsuke moving closer to you, his hips nudging yours while his hand traveled all the way up to yours, taking hold of it. You were forced to look at him, tears getting in the way, blurring his form out. Although you couldn't be certain, you noticed his lips curling into a half smile, a reassuring one at that. Hesitantly, you leaned closer to him, nesting your head in the small of his neck. You knew that Takasugi wasn't the one to appreciate physical contact to that extent, yet you couldn't help it. When it felt as if the earth crumbled beneath you, he was the one stable thing in your life, the one thing you wanted to cling onto and to your surprise, he didn't seem to pull away from your touch.

"How did I let such a fragile woman entice me." Takasugi whispered in your ear, as you felt his hand on the back of your head, caressing you softly as he kept you pressed against him. "Weep all you want today as long as you fight back tomorrow. Even if the world comes to an end, I'll make sure you'll be the last one to see it. Let's reach the end together, Y/N, for your friend, for... Shouyou sensei, for everyone." And with that, you allowed yourself to get lost in his touch, his embrace being enough to mend your broken heart, even in the slightest.

A/N: I HOPE THIS DIDN'T SUCK OKAY, I reall wanted to write something for you ASAP, didn't even have enough time to proof read and change things or to like give it a proper read. Uh, Takasugi isn't the most comforting person, I felt like he'd try to see is "reasonably" and to justify it before giving in a bit so yeah there's that. Once again, I offer you my condolenses and I hope this was close to what you, at least had in mind.

that being said, I'll go through it later and will correct any mistakes and whatsoever, really rushed through it to have it ready by today

[princesssarisa]

1.   Who are your three favorite characters from The Muppet Show, Muppets Tonight, The Jim Henson Hour, the Muppet movies, etc. and why?

Kermit, because he's just plain likable and iconic.

*Miss Piggy, because she's hilarious, glamorous, feisty yet tender, and iconic for a good reason.

*For the third, it's a tossup between Gonzo, because he's a fun, likable character all-around, and Rizzo the Rat, because I like sarcastic New York characters – they remind me of my dad.

2.   Who are your three favorite characters from Sesame Street and why?

*Big Bird, because he's sweet, innocent, and full of zest for life, yet sometimes relatably angry or sulky, and relatable to anyone who's been a six-year-old child.

*Oscar the Grouch, because he's funny, he shows that it's okay to be grouchy, and as I mentioned about Rizzo above, caustic New Yorker characters remind me of my dad.

*Ernie, because he's funny, exuberant, and mischievous, yet warm-hearted and sweet, and his skits with Bert feature some of the show's best humor for adults as well as kids.

3.   Who are your three favorite characters from Fraggle Rock and why?

My memories of this show are fuzzier than of the others, but I did watch a decent number of episodes back when the Disney Channel used to show it in reruns, so...

*Wembley Fraggle, because he's so innocent, perky, insecure, neurotic yet fun-loving... he's just adorable.

*Mokey Fraggle, because she's so sweet, poetic and spiritual, yet just silly enough to still feel like a Muppet.

*Junior Gorg, because he's so goofy, naïve and exuberant that even when he's trying to catch the Fraggles, it's impossible to dislike him.

4.   What is your favorite television program starring any of Jim Henson’s creations (e.g. The Muppet Show, Sesame Street, Fraggle Rock, Dinosaurs, etc.) and why?

Overall, I have to say Sesame Street. It was a mainstay of my childhood and countless other people's, its cultural impact is immeasurable, and it never loses its appeal.

5.   What is your favorite Muppet movie and why?

The Muppet Christmas Carol, because I've seen it more times than any other (at least once every holiday season since kindergarten), and it's funny yet moving and heartwarming... I love it every time.

6.   What is your favorite Muppet/Sesame/Fraggle song and why?

I couldn't possibly pick just one. You'd have to ask me my top 20 favorites, or top 100.

7.   If you could have dinner with any living Muppet performer who would you choose and why?

Either Frank Oz, because he's had such a magnificent, widely varied career, or Dave Goelz, because he's the last of the original Muppet Show performers still active with the Muppets today.

8.   If you could tell Jim Henson one thing, what would it be?

I'd tell him that, to combine two quotes from The Muppet Movie, he did just what he set out to do – make millions of people happy.

9.   If the President called you and asked to discuss Muppet projects, what would you tell him was the “Greatest Muppet Moment of All Time”?

This would probably be an unpopular choice, especially because it's not a funny moment. But I'm tempted to vote for the scene of the Cratchits mourning Tiny Tim's death in The Muppet Christmas Carol. Who ever would have thought that Kermit and Miss Piggy could give such poignant performances as grieving parents? Maybe it's because it was the first version of the scene I ever saw, or maybe it's because it carries the subtext of Jim Henson and Richard Hunt's then-recent deaths, but I still think it's the most moving version of that particular scene in any Christmas Carol adaptation.

10.   What’s the name of that song?

That's its name. "What's the Name of That Song?"

11.   If a judge ruled that Grover had to be your personal assistant for a month, what jobs would you have him do?

Draw pictures with crayons to decorate my office. That would be fun for him and I don't think he would bungle it.

12.   In your opinion, what is the worst Muppet production ever made?

I don't know. I haven't bothered to watch any of the productions that have a bad reputation.

13.   Who is one celebrity you would love to see cameo in the next Muppet movie?

I'm not sure, but I'd like to see another opera singer perform with them. They did an outstanding job when Beverly Sills guest starred on The Muppet Show back in 1979.

14.   If you could take a picture with any Muppet, who would you choose and how would you pose?

Miss Piggy, and I would imitate her pose, because she's the ultimate role model in confidence and glamor.

15.   What is your favorite piece of Muppet merchandise that you own? (Feel free to include a picture!)

My annually-watched DVD copy of The Muppet Christmas Carol.

THE GREAT MUPPET SURVEY

@softlytowardthesun

1.   Who are your three favorite characters from The Muppet Show, Muppets Tonight, The Jim Henson Hour, the Muppet movies, etc. and why?

2.   Who are your three favorite characters from Sesame Street and why?

3.   Who are your three favorite characters from Fraggle Rock and why?

4.   What is your favorite television program starring any of Jim Henson’s creations (e.g. The Muppet Show, Sesame Street, Fraggle Rock, Dinosaurs, etc.) and why?

5.   What is your favorite Muppet movie and why?

6.   What is your favorite Muppet/Sesame/Fraggle song and why?

 

7.   If you could have dinner with any living Muppet performer who would you choose and why?

8.   If you could tell Jim Henson one thing, what would it be?

9.   If the President called you and asked to discuss Muppet projects, what would you tell him was the “Greatest Muppet Moment of All Time”?

10.   What’s the name of that song?

11.   If a judge ruled that Grover had to be your personal assistant for a month, what jobs would you have him do?

12.   In your opinion, what is the worst Muppet production ever made?

13.   Who is one celebrity you would love to see cameo in the next Muppet movie?

14.   If you could take a picture with any Muppet, who would you choose and how would you pose?

15.   What is your favorite piece of Muppet merchandise that you own? (Feel free to include a picture!)