#I'm not my system is fucked and I need to go to the doctor

[phalangemedes]

100%, I think we can start at the bottom of the 'humanity has issues' hill and die about 2/3's up it still plumbing the metaphoric depths, and it's not that the Houses are better or worse, it's just a different hill at the other end of the solar system.

Ohh you get the feeling Cohort propaganda would absolutely push the luxury space communism angle though. Littering it through the BoE strongholds to sew dissent before the kindly 'how about we strike a deal...' that invariably ends in genocide.

I do wonder with Gideon, specifically, how much of her robustness is from John. Not simply because she didn't die but because by all accounts Ortus was a big strapping lad but never particularly healthy. Which isn't to say that is a lack of nutrition thing, because it could be Pluto’s barely heated climate, genetics or any number of things, but it's a concept I hadn't really put a lot of thought into before this. How much of that House was Harrow actually keeping upright, because we know she arterially scraped the oldies, but there's so many more finicky processes unwell people require. I'm put in mind of Pal flushing out Judith's renal system. Was a tiny baby nunlet, freshly burdened with her parents suicide, having to.. march around pews of aging devotees Online Doctoring them?!

Oh I getcha! I don't think either of us are saying there's any salvaging for how these literal teenager babies have been treated, but that there is a spectrum between a lack of care via ignorance and purposeful, antagonist abuse.

It is wild that the least bad thing they did was try to murder her as a baby... Christ, poor Griddle. There has been a literal queue to murder her, from mummy dearest upwards.

It's less a fight for who's the worse House in terms of humane care and more 'these are all different categories that go in the same tupperware at different dilutions! wow! john wtf! could you not have tried a bit harder, babe!'

I want Tor to completely lose control of her, I know she has piles and piles of short stories just gagging to be put into the most glorious and incoherent edition of lore haha. But until then... you don't need new stuff to go insane, AS IS DEMONSTRATED BELOW..

The Sixth are happy, I think you can stop at that. They are part of a mostly functioning system, where they were able to pursue their desire for knowledge to the fullest and most importantly happily and together. What isn't to envy, honestly?! Give me a safe haven and a person who wont shy away from me even at my worst and I’d probably join a cult too.

Yes! Unwanted Guest was so delightful and the complexity of their relationship as a group was so sweet, even in the barest hinting. She was so tender with them, even in that strange, half hallucinatory prison of River edge and death.

I don't really think the Tomb does MINOR characters, but the ones that are on a linear plot beside, not within, the main one are so tantalising. What do you mean we don't get to spend 400 pages with beautiful terminally disabled gremlin of a woman?!

It's a.. next step thing, isn't it. The leap into the void that could either be the making or the breaking, but the risk of betterment is better than the decay of stasis. I think I probably read it as more despairing because I am, at heart, a massive cynic. Which doesn't lessen how beautiful it was! But I have no doubt my own mourning for Pal and Cam will have coloured the overarching feeling of transition. (when I tell you I s o b b e d. I've read it twice now and it fucks me up a bit more each time, I am a terminal romantic, I fear)

Me too! And no apologies, it's great to hear from you and honestly, pretty rad that we're both having to percolate before getting back to it. It has the chill, thoughtful undertones of snail mail penpals

I have such a big beef with the way that the TLT fandom talks about Cam and Pal being codependent. I have not seen any word of god quotes that talk about them that way, but it seems to be this widely accepted truth that just doesn't click with my reading of the characters.

Certainly by NtN Pal has a dependent relationship with Cam, as they are sharing a body. There are even some parallels to codependency with how their use of necromancy in Cam's body causes her harm.

What I just don't get about the codependent label is that I don't see Cam and Pal enabling one or the other in destructive behavior. Certainly they partake in risky behavior that Pyrrah criticizes them for, but it seems to be a mutual decision. Cam is just as reckless as Pal is, and possibly moreso.

(And also Pyrrah is a huge projecting hypocrite. Love her tho I may, it's true.)

Pal's quotes about how grand lysis wasn't their inevitable end, but was the best and kindest option left to them complements the discussions we overhear in their recordings. Pal's pursuit of Cam's consent and her enthusiasm in giving it just doesn't match the codependent relationship that fans keep referencing.

[gay-ppl-real]

Oh yeah I wrote the words again btw :)

Frank finally decides to open up about their feelings - to his best friend.

[insufferablemod]

.

[jon-withnoh]

🙃

[onethousand825days]

anyway. nothing is wrong with me because I made it all up :) of course :)

[danlous]

There are literally 3 euros left on my bank account

[heartshattering]

My life feels like one case of "Hey I reallyyyy should've taken this medical condition a lot more seriously when I was first diagnosed with it" after the next 🙃

[ourceliumnetwork]

i have acquired a mystical and powerful ointment (hydrocortisone cream) from the village herbalist (rite aid) to assist with the curse set upon my bloodline from many generations ago (eczema)

[jewishbuckley]

"was there a reason you didn't cancel this" honestly I thought I had so no there wasn't a reason but also if clients are going to have Your personal number and reach out to You about canceling (when they Should be reaching out via email per our cancelation policy) then You should be canceling the appt anyway imo. all the other trainers cancel their appointments AND add their appointments to the system 🤪

[eats-the-stars]

having a medical issue that dulls your ability to feel certain types of pain is only cool in fiction. in real life it just makes it extra hard to tell if you need to go to the doctor right now, or if you can just walk it off.

[snazum]

life update!!! I started vyvanse (though I'll have to stop when I run out it's not covered by my insurance lmaoooo, wonder what I'll be switching to XD)

so things are looking up for the snazums everywhere, I start school in like 2 months so that's exciting and now that I'm diagnosed with ADHD that should help me get supports and meds n shit to deal with my terrible education habits. (look lets just say i've switched my degree 3 times, fell into academic probation and took a year off school)

now i just need to get a job which should be in my future soon, like no way I just don't get one XD But I'm feeling good, which i hope that means the meds are working (praying that's why, and i'm not just in the up swing for the next couple weeks. or at least if i hit the down swing it's not like rock bottom it's like aw that sucks oh well keep chugging ya know?)

[fuckyeahgoodomens]

David Tennant interview at the British LGBT Awards, June 2024 (x)

Int: You being an ally to the community isn't something new. You've been doing it, but recently you've obviously really stepped up for trans and non-binary people in a time that's so, so needed. What made you do that?

David: I don't know that I feel like I've done anything that I wouldn't just sort of be normally doing. I mean, it's for me it's just common sense that there's there should be any suggestion that people aren't allowed to live the life they want to live and and to be who they want to be with and to express themselves wholeheartedly. I mean, as long as you aren't hurting anybody else, everybody else just needs to fucking butt out. I don't really understand why...

Int: ...it's controversial.

David: Yeah, there is and the thing... the thing, if there's something that's particularly sobering and depressing, it's that certain debates are being weaponized by certain elements of the political class, often for no... it seems it's not ideological so much as opportunistic. And I just think that's pretty disgusting, really.

Int: I couldn't agree more. What message would you like to send out to trans youth?

David: Please don't feel like you're not loved and that you're not accepted and that you're not... you know, most people in the world are good and kind and just want you to be able to be who you are. Most people in the world don't really care. I mean... you know what I mean?

Int: We're all narcissistic.

David: Exactly. Everyone's so self obsessed that really, the sort of noise that comes from a certain area of the press and of the political class is... it's a minority. It really is. And please don't let that make you feel diminished or dissuaded or discouraged, because, you know, you just... you have to be allowed to be yourself, and you are, and you are yourself and you must thrive and flourish, and we're all here for it.

Int: Amazing. I think, yeah, it's so important .I think sometimes it feels like there's so many people, but it is a minority. It's such a minority.

David: It's a tiny bunch of little whinging fuckers that are on the wrong side of history and they'll all go away soon.

Int: Like what happened with gay people 20 years ago.

David: When I was a kid, when I was a kid, exactly. You know, I was at school when Clause 28 came in and it all felt like being gay was something to be terrified of. And gay men in particular were demonised as paedophiles and now that just feels historic and ludicrous and, I mean, I don't see all those... all those battles aren't won, but we're in a very, very different place. And I feel like.I feel like history is on a progressive trajectory and it might get knocked sideways now and again by people for all sorts of reasons, which are often quite selfish and quite, as I say, not coming from a place of any sort of genuine belief system, but other than a place of opportunism. And that's something that we... I hope that in 20 years time, we're talking about, you know, these culture wars as something of the past.

Int: I believe we will. I'm a huge Doctor Who fan, so.

David: Oh, good, me too!

Int: You are my Doctor.

David: Oh, thank you very much.

Int: But recently, obviously, you came back for the 60th anniversary and you got to work with Yasmin Finney.

David: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Int: What was it like working with her?

David: Oh, she's brilliant. She's fantastic. Yeah. And she's in the show again now, she's back in it, so that's fantastic to see. She's lovely, talented, cool as a cucumber, articulate, brilliant. I learned a lot from her as an actor and also as someone who, you know, who's become a sort of de facto activist just because of who she is and where she is, and she becomes a sort of symbol of hope, and she's wonderful.

[cextra-loz]

The longer it takes for my doctors to prescribe me anything other than metoprolol the more powerful my rage and fury becomes.

[wereh0gz]

I was gonna comment this under a youtube short abt a specific stim (tapping your ears) that reminded me of something from my childhood but I realized I was on youtube and decided I won't risk being emotionally open on that hellhole so I'm posting it here instead

Anyways the video reminded me of when i was in elementary school back when i still lived in Puerto Rico. i got so overwhelmed in one of my classes because all the other kids were being deafeningly loud and i couldn't keep up with the notes (had written two whole whiteboards worth of notes and the teacher was erasing one of the boards to write more)(notes were all fully handwritten, no guided notes packets or anything)(was always made to write ALL OF IT, no shorthands) and then the teacher started using a goddamn WHISTLE to get the kids' attention and shut them up (didn't work, just made more noise which made me more overwhelmed). i burst into tears and started tapping my ears almost unconsciously to try and mitigate the noise since just covering them wasn't enough somehow.

I still do it sometimes when there's too much noise but like. In a less noticeable way i guess? Just kinda rub my ear which gets a similar effect to tapping it. Bc i know it's weird and i was already the weird kid by then so like i can't be More Weird. Y'know. So most of the time i just endure loud noise and try not to get super pissed off or cry instead.

Anyways i'm not saying i'm for real neurodivergent but i am saying that my parents should've done something about my very obvious issues way earlier on instead of just chalking it up to me being "shy" or "sensitive" or "a perfectionist" or whatever the fuck. Bc this incident among other things that happened before and after it were literally big flashing signs that i was Not Normal. But noooo instead they had to leave current me with emotional regulation issues constantly wondering what the fuck is wrong with me

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

Heylo my maggotsies... I'm sorry to do this but I have a thing that I really, really need to do (thank you Ash for helping me realise that) but I'm terrified to. so well. I'm going to make one of the posts (Neil reblogged me a couple of days ago so I feel pretty safe making one now since he only lurks by once in two weeks so this is as good a time as it gets to make a post and not expect many notes, yes I'm an overthinker and I'm actually scared of this getting notes).

Sigh. Here goes.

...I'm scared of even typing it.

Nope okay I can do this let's go.

If this post gets 1k notes, I'll look up jobs in design and film making that don't need a college degree.

2k notes, I'll sign up for an Alliance Francaise course so I can have another language on my CV, and I'll find a course that teaches me how to use design software.

5k, I'll look up distance learning alternatives, because just talking about physical college yesterday made me spend the whole morning and afternoon today in and out of nightmares screaming. Fuck.

10k, I'll tell my mum that I can't do the offline college. She's been talking to me about it, but I've been dodging because I'm not well-off and I really need to be earning and idk how to do that without college and I feel so guilty.

15k, I'll officially back out from the college (does that count as dropping out, if it hasn't begun? maybe half. i am a college and a half dropout, my 11th grade self would hate me and my 10th grade self would refuse to believe it).

I don't know what I'll do then. I don't know how to live as trans here in India, I don't know how to earn enough to be able to help my family, I don't know what I'm good at and I'm so fucking terrified. But. I spoke to @random-doctor-on-the-internet last night (I love you Ash you're such a fucking amazing human) and they made me realise that well maybe landing in a hospital with steroids to relieve an allergy attack because of exam stress isn't normal and so.

Well. Here I am. I know I can't do it, but I'm scared to risk everything, it's just not something people do here, dropping out. But also (TW s**cide statistics mentioned below the cut)... And so I've just. Got to do it, got to save myself and say no to college (cue say no to school, kids joke). Somehow be brave enough. And yeah.

To quote a financial express article: "In an alarming situation, a total of 7,62,648 suicides were reported in India between 2018 to 2022, Of this student suicides account for 7.6% at 59,239". Maybe if more people did say fuck you to the system here, that wouldn't be the case. That number could have been 59,240 (aside from everyone who wasn't counted and hushed up), that could have been me, and I don't want to put myself in that situation again. You know? Yeah.

[thebibliosphere]

Whenever I talk about the medical neglect and ableism I've encountered as a victim of the healthcare system, there's always some cockwaffle who feels entitled to come into my inbox and make the argument of "not all doctors" while talking about how "people like them" (because it's always someone in a field of medicine who does this) are doing their best and it's really hard because so many people fake being ill to get on welfare (Yikes), but like, yeah, obviously #not all doctors, because if all doctors were negligent, bullying scum bags, I'd be dead.

But here's the thing: while I truly believe that the majority of doctors are doing their best in a system stacked against them and their patients, their presence does not negate the mass harm caused by the bad ones. And there are far more bad ones than you realize.

Fuck, John Oliver literally did a segment on this last week:

Yes, the truly bad, malicious doctors are in the minority. Most are just horrifically burned out and fighting a losing battle against a system, killing both them and their patients through a lack of funding and resources and profound overwork.

But the malicious ones do exist, and they will go out of their way to harm patients who don't kowtow to them.

I almost lost my life because when I was in my early twenties, I told a doctor I didn't think she was listening to me, and I disagreed with her assessment of my mental health (she was not a mental health doctor, and I was there for heart palpitations and chronic pain). She retaliated by putting "non-compliant" in my file.

There was also a fun little "doesn't show respect" note too that lives rent-free in my head because I know I wasn't rude. I was polite. I just didn't agree with her, and my refusal to accept her off-handed comment that "you probably have bipolar or BPD" (again, I was there for heart palpitations and chronic pain) meant I was "refusing care."

I wasn't. I just refused to be slapped with a mood/personality disorder when I was there because I kept fucking fainting when I stood up.

(Spoiler alert: it was dysautonomia)

That "non-compliant" marker followed me around for years. It followed me across an ocean and effectively ensured that any doctor I saw was going to treat me like absolute dogshit because no one wants to help Difficult Patients. It wasn't until I was so undeniably ill, literally on the brink of death, that anyone helped me.

I'm alive because of a good doctor. And all the good ones that came after him because of him.

So, I know they exist. You don't have to tell me that.

But I really fucking need you to acknowledge the bad ones and that you're part of a system with a long, long history of abusing minorities and vulnerable people. I need you to acknowledge that because it's the only way we're going to survive this godforsaken nightmare and make things better.

So yeah, #notalldoctors, but if you feel the need to say that because someone talking about being literally left to die by the medical system hurts your feelings, I'm going to have to ask you to take a step back and ask yourself if you're going into medicine for the right reasons.

Namely: do you want to help people, even the "difficult" ones?

Even the ones who might disagree with you?

Even if they're on welfare?

Even if they'll never get "better" in a way that means "cured"?

Just a thought. But hey, what do I know. I'm just someone who experienced hemolytic anemia because doctors kept telling me I was anxious and needed to exercise more 🤷‍♀️.