#I'm not gonna unpack the imagery

[malachia-il-bibliotecario]

guess who visited me in my sleep

[ariestrxsh]

𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊 content warning: smut, innocence corruption, purity kink, sexualization of religious imagery, teasing, masturbation, voyeurism, mentions of sex toys, mostly just really suggestive, sub!virgin!matt, experienced!pervy!reader

𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊 author's note: don't read if you're religious. it's going to offend you a lot if you do, and i really don't want to offend anyone. this fic is a bit of a slow burn with a lot of lead up and sexual tension before they actually do anything. :) i anticipate this storyline to have several parts.

𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊 summary: a good little christian boy named matt moves in next door, and once you find out he's a virgin, you test his morals, determined to tease him until he caves.

the song was requested by @greer2301 💖 (i hope i don't disappoint you with the storyline, and i'm sorry it took me so long to get to this one!)

me & u part one

It was a Saturday afternoon in your suburban neighborhood, the summer sun beating down on your face directly overhead. You stood in your front yard in a solid white t-shirt and jean shorts with a hand to your forehead, shading your eyes from the brightness, and your other hand on your hip as you watched a giant uhaul pull into the house next door that had been up for sale for as long as you'd lived there. An old, orange truck followed right behind it.

Were you finally getting new neighbors?

You watched as a handsome brunette with tattoos who looked to be about your age got out of the rust-colored vehicle. He was in a white tank top and faded blue jeans, and he was really cute. An older man, who you presumed was probably his dad, emerged from the driver's side of the uhaul.

The younger boy's blue eyes caught yours as he opened up the back of the truck to get out some boxes, and he shot you a shy smile and a small wave. You had to have him.

Several hours later, as the late afternoon sun was beginning to set in the sky, and after the boy and his father had a chance to unpack some of their belongings, you headed to your kitchen to bake a batch of chocolate chip cookies, so you'd have a reason to go over and talk to him. Maybe find out his name, maybe find out if he was single or not.

You got out milk, eggs, flour, and chocolate chips, and after mixing them all together, you portioned out perfect little dough blobs and stuck the pan into your oven, nearly burning yourself, and set a timer.

Once they were done baking, you beelined it for your new neighbor's house with a plate of fresh, homemade chocolate chips cookies and a glass of milk.

When you stepped onto the lawn, the blue-eyed boy was walking down the steps of his new porch, and he glanced up at you. "Hey. I'm your new neighbor. I saw you guys unpacking your stuff. I figured you could stand to take a break from unloading boxes and have some cookies," you said, offering him the plate.

"Hey, thanks," he said smiling, accepting the plate and the glass from you. He thought you were really pretty, and talking to you really brought out his shy side.

"What's your name?" You asked, studying all his attractive features up close in the golden hour lighting, his perfectly-shaped nose, his pretty teeth, and his luscious, pink lips. You loved the way the sun was hitting his gorgeous blue eyes.

"Matt," he responded timidly. You introduced yourself to himself as well. "You gonna invite me in?" You peeked over his shoulder and in through his doorway, walking past him and letting yourself in. "Uh, sure. There's not much in there yet," Matt replied, following you into his brand new house.

"Uh, sorry about the mess," Matt nervously apologized, gesturing towards the general disarray. "I get it. I've moved before," you responded understandingly. The walls were empty, and so was the rest of the room besides a kitchen table, some kitchen chairs, and several half-unpacked boxes, overflowing with dishes and kitchen appliances.

You admired the dark brown, hardwood flooring, the matching cabinets, and the gorgeous granite countertops. He placed the plate of cookies on the island in the center of the room and took a bite out of one. "Mmm. Still warm," he grinned at you, washing the sugary treat down with the milk you gave him.

"How old are you?" You asked him, your eyes drawn to his strong, veiny hands and his rings on his long, slender fingers. "Twenty-one," he told you. "Same," you responded while you watched him devour another one of your cookies. "These are really good," he complimented your baking, blushing and wiping a few crumbs from his mouth.

"Was that guy who was unloading stuff with you, your dad?" You asked him, and he nodded. "Yeah, he left to go get us some food for tonight," he mumbled in between bites.

"Naughty boy. Spoiling your dinner," you lowered your voice and smirked at him. You noticed his eyes subtly widen, and he stopped chewing for a second.

"You should show me your room," you seductively said, biting your lip. "Uh, sure. Again, there's not much in it," Matt shrugged, completely oblivious to your overt flirting.

You started up his stairs, admiring the sturdy banister, imagining how good it would feel to have him fuck you over it, and once you got to the top of the stairs, you turned around, noticing Matt behind you, his eyes glued to your ass.

You gave him a look that silently asked, like what you see? He pulled his gaze from your bottom to your eyes with a guilty look on his face like a puppy dog that had gone to the bathroom somewhere he shouldn't have.

"Which one's your room?" You asked him. "Third door on the left," he said, clearing his throat and trying to pretend he wasn't just checking you out. You led the way, even though you knew the layout even less than he did.

You turned the knob and pushed open his door. His bed was already set up with flannel sheets and throw pillows, and on the opposite wall, a desk with a laptop and a few books on it. As you peered out the window, you realized you had a direct view of his room from your room.

He had a connected bathroom, and as you wandered into there, you admired the sage green back splash of the shower through the transparent shower door. You imagined how steamy the two of you could make the glass.

Other than that, more scattered boxes decorated the area, some opened, some not.

"What are you gonna do with the place?" You wondered, pacing around his room. "I want to paint it," he said, scanning the room with his eyes. "What color?" You inquired, wandering back over towards the entrance to his room and subtly shutting and locking his door while he was distracted by deliberating your question.

"Still not sure. Wanted to go for something cooler, darker. Maybe a forest green or a stone blue. Something earthy," he mumbled, wondering if he had taken too long to answer your question. You could tell he was nervous and shy, and you found it extremely endearing.

"That sounds awesome. I'm gonna help you paint it," you stated, taking a step closer to him. "Sure, that'd be nice of you," he said agreeably. "What are you doing tomorrow? You should come see the badass treehouse I have in my backyard. It's really private up there. We can do anything you want," you chewed on your lip, looking him up and down.

"We can smoke some weed and just talk. Or smoke some weed and not talk," you said, standing on your tippy toes and whispering into his ear while you took your pointer finger and seductively caressed his chest. You noticed a small tent forming in his pants.

He liked how dominant and direct your demeanor was, but he was worried you may have misread his character. He had never smoked weed and had never had sex. Still, the way you spoke to him and touched him turned him on.

He grabbed a pillow off his bed and held it in front of his erection as if it were less obvious. "You'd better take care of that," you teased him, glancing down at his bulge. "Uh, I don't do that. My dad and I are going to church tomorrow morning," he swallowed anxiously, blushing at your observation.

"You don't what? You don't smoke, or you don't jerk off?" You asked, smirking at him. "Uh, I don't smoke," he nervously smiled. "Isn't it a sin to jerk off? You really are a naughty boy, aren't you?" You maliciously grinned at him. His breath caught in his throat, and he started to look at you in desperation, but he caught himself, immediately shifting his gaze around uncomfortably.

"You could come if you want," he offered, his eyes still darting around the room as if he were afraid to look at you. "I can cum if I want?" You teased him. "To church. You could come with us to church," he clarified, looking down and reaching behind his head with his tattooed arm to nervously rub the back of his neck. You loved making him nervous.

"Why? So you can watch me burst into flames?" You jumped at him, putting your fingers up behind your head, making devil horns while you playfully smiled at him, but he still jumped back, startled by your joke, and he nervously giggled at it once he realized you were probably kidding. A good little Christian boy.

"You know, you're cute enough that I'd consider going to church with you. But it's really hard to beat getting high in my treehouse and touching myself, so I think I'm gonna pass," you told him.

His jaw dropped and a needy expression overcame his face while he imagined you sitting on the floor of a treehouse, one hand holding a joint between your lips, and the other down the front of your unbuttoned denim shorts.

"Maybe I'll still be up there when church lets out," you tempted him. He couldn't believe how comfortable you were saying all that out loud. "You think I'm cute?" He asked, raising his eyebrows, still processing everything you'd just casually admitted in the last few seconds.

"Yeah, and you think I'm cute," you confidently stated, staring at the throw pillow in front of his pants. His cheeks turned a deep shape of red, and he wiped away a bead of sweat from his forehead.

Suddenly, you heard the low rumbling of an old truck and a car door shut. "Uh, I think my dad's home. I don't think we should be up here alone with my door shut and locked when he walks in," Matt said, wide-eyed.

He reached into his jeans to tuck his erection into his waistband. You watched in awe, hoping to get a peak, but he was too quick about it. He headed out of his room, and you trailed behind.

When his dad materialized through the front door, you and Matt were descending the stairs into the kitchen again. "Oh. Hi. You already made a friend, Matt?" His dad smiled at you, put the Cane's bag on the counter, and stuck out his hand for you to shake. His hands were rough and calloused. You daintily shook his hand, shot him an innocent smile, and introduced yourself.

"Yeah, she's our neighbor. She brought us over some cookies," Matt motioned towards the nearly empty plate. "I kinda ate most of them," he giggled. "How kind of you," the older man commented. "I'd offer you some food, but I only planned on feeding the two of us," he motioned towards his son.

"Oh, please. Don't worry. You guys moved in like six hours ago. I don't expect you to feed me," you responded. "I just wanted to pop in and introduce myself. Bring you something sweet," you innocently tilted your head at Matt's father.

"I'll give Matt my number in case you guys need any help unpacking or painting or anything," you grinned over at Matt. "Y-Yeah, sure," Matt stumbled over his words, fidgeting with his phone in his pocket, and handing it to you nervously.

You saved your contact in his phone with a peach emoji, a wet water emoji, and a heart beside your name, and when you handed it back to him, his eyes subtly widened, and he cleared his throat. "Thanks," he muttered. "I'll catch you around," you smiled and subtly winked at Matt, and then you saw yourself out to let the men enjoy their food and get a good night's rest after a long day of heavy lifting.

When you stepped out into the night, you got a closer look at their truck. It was a rust-colored Dodge Dakota from the 70's with a cross hanging in the rearview mirror, and there was a bible on the dashboard. You wondered just how strong Matt's morals were, and what you'd have to do to get them to bend - or even break - for you.

After Matt and his dad sat down at their table and ate together, Matt excused himself to go take a shower. It was the first time he'd had a bathroom connected to his room, and he appreciated the convenience. It took him a few minutes to figure out how the temperature and pressure dials worked, and once he did, he stood underneath the hot water, letting it hit his sore back and soothe the aching muscles in his neck.

He washed his hair, and ran his soapy hands all over the rest of his body. He tried to focus on cleaning himself, but he couldn't help that he was having dirty thoughts. He tried to push his impure fantasies about you to the back of his mind, but the more he tried to run away from them, the more they persisted.

He was pretty sure by now that you were flirting with him. He'd felt the sexual tension between the two of you while you guys stood in his locked bedroom together. He wished his dad hadn't come home when he did, because he wanted to know just how bold you were and how far you would have taken it.

He started getting hard again, and no matter how hard he fought the urge, his hand had a mind of its own. It was the one sin Matt was weakest to - lust. His fingers slithered down below his waist, and he started massaging his cock while his mind was flooded with you.

He imagined what it would have been like to see under your clothes, how your lips would have felt against his neck, and how your fingers would have felt wrapped around his dick like he had his now.

He pumped his hand back and forth over his length, caressing every vein and coaxing a few whimpers from his pretty mouth. Matt was saving himself for marriage, but he could still fantasize about you, right?

He pictured you on top of him with your breasts bouncing in his face. He imagined you straddling him, how wet and tight you'd feel enveloping his rod, and how pornographic your moans would sound. He fisted his cock urgently, his eyes rolling back and his jaw hanging open. The neediest sounds poured from Matt's lips as he replayed the way you sounded when you called him a naughty boy.

It didn't take much before ropes of cum were painting the shower floor, and Matt watched breathlessly as his hot, thick fluid mixed with the water and circled the drain. He immediately felt ashamed after, knowing God didn't make your body as beautiful as it was for Matt to fulfill his carnal desires with.

He figured you'd be disgusted with him if you ever knew. Little did he know, if you had any idea what he was doing behind his steamy shower door, you would have found it flattering.

He finished rinsing himself of his sin, and he grabbed a towel, one of the few things he had unpacked in his bathroom, wrapping it around his waist and stepping out of the shower.

It was right at this time that you were laying in your bed in the dark, trying to fall asleep when you rolled over and noticed Matt's bedroom light come on across the way. You caught a glimpse of Matt through your window in his room in just a towel, having just finished up in the shower.

You couldn't pull your eyes away from him. He looked so good with his hair all wet, and you admired his shirtless figure and the 'v' shaped lines that pointed down to his cock that you were dying to see.

You held your breath as he turned and dropped his towel. You couldn't see much, but you caught a glimpse of his bare ass for a few seconds before he slipped his pajama pants on, and you couldn't deny how cute it was.

Blissfully unaware that you could see him, he knelt down at his bedside and started to pray. You wondered if this was an every night occurrence, and for the most part it was, but Matt would spend an extra long time praying whenever he'd committed a lustful sin, which was more often than not. You peered at him from the comfort of your bedroom, wondering how good he'd look on his knees for you.

After about ten minutes of praying, Matt climbed to his feet, shut off his bedroom light, and crawled between his sheets to drift off to dreamland.

𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊

You were pulled from your deep sleep the next morning at about 8 a.m. by the sound of your phone vibrating next to you. At first, you ignored it, thinking you were getting a text, but when the buzzing against your night stand continued, you realized you had an incoming call.

You didn't recognize the number, but you still answered. "Hello?" You sleepily mumbled into the phone. "Uh, hi," you immediately recognized the shy voice that responded to you. "Last chance for you to come to church with me. I'm leaving in half an hour," Matt told you.

"You wake up at 8 a.m. every Sunday to go to church?" You asked in a groggy tone. "Actually, I've been up for about an hour," he told you. "Do you have any coffee at your place?" You asked him, rubbing your eyes. "I don't even have a coffee maker at my place," he laughed. "I mean, I do somewhere, but it's still packed up."

"I'll come with you to church if we can stop for coffee on the way," you smiled into the phone. "Uh, yeah. We can do that," Matt said, attempting to conceal his excitement about you agreeing to go to church with him.

"Do I have to wear a dress?" You wondered. "You don't have to, but I'd like to see you in one," Matt replied, biting his lip. "I'll be over in like fifteen minutes. In my sunday best," you answered before you hung up.

You put on an off-white, vintage smock dress that synched at your waist and had long, puffy sleeves. You brushed your teeth, combed through your hair, and ran downstairs.

You were greeted by a confused look from your mother. "Where are you going so early looking so nice?" She asked, peering up from the book she was reading. "To church," you casually said, resting your hand on the doorknob. "Church?" Your mom said confused. "Yeah, I made a new friend. I'll be home later!" You called out before shutting the door behind you.

You made your way over to the boy next door's house, and you knocked while you waited patiently on his porch. A few seconds later, Matt opened the door and his eyes danced across your outfit. "Wow," Matt whispered, taking in the sight of you in a dress. He thought you looked like a fairy.

You looked him up and down as well, admiring his black slacks and black button-down long sleeve. You admired his emerald green tie, wondering how it would feel to grab him by it.

He had a notebook in his hand, and you glanced at his long, slender fingers again that were wrapped around the cover of the book, dreaming about how they'd feel curled inside of you. "What's the notebook for?" You asked. "Oh, nothing. It's just my journal."

"Your diary?" You raised your eyebrows at him. "You write about me in it last night?" You bit your lip at him. "No," he looked away and blushed. "Well, what do I have to do to get you to write about me in there, hmm?" You cooed, reaching for Matt's tie and fiddling with it while you flirted with him.

"Are you ready to go?" He asked, ignoring your question and looking a bit annoyed at you. "Yeah, are we just waiting for your dad?" You asked, gaze still fixed on his black-painted nails, and your mind still fixed in the gutter.

"My dad's not feeling so good. I think the elevation change kind of got to him, so he's staying home today," Matt responded, nervous to be alone with you, but you stared at him hungrily. "Just me and you?" You lustfully asked. You couldn't wait to be alone with him. He sheepishly nodded. "Well, I'm ready if you're ready," you chewed on your lip.

The two of you left to get coffee. You got a frozen caramel coffee drink, and Matt just got a black coffee.

Since Matt was new to the area, he had you navigate the two of you to the first place of worship that came up when he searched for Christian churches, and the two of you showed up just in time for the 9 o'clock service to start.

Matt backed his truck in to a spot on the side of the building, and the two of you slipped into the church, relieved that no one greeted you or asked if it was your first time there. You guys wanted to avoid the spotlight and just take your seats somewhere near the back.

An energetic man walked out onto the stage and immediately drew in the attention of the crowd. It didn't take long before you realized it was one of those weird, eccentric churches where the pastor claimed to be not like the other pastors, but he really just seemed like he was trying to use God as a way to get into people's wallets.

The sermon given revolved around the first book of the Bible, the Garden of Eden, original sin, and the way Adam and Eve gave into temptation. The whole time, you just listened quietly, your eyes shifting back and forth between the man giving the sermon and Matt, who seemed to be in a trance.

The service lasted about an hour and a half, and after the closing prayer, you and Matt shuffled out of the church along with the rest of the crowd, and you made your way back to the truck. On the way back home, you sat next to Matt in the truck that he and his dad shared, facing the shy brunette boy while you mulled over the service given today.

"Do you think Adam and Eve fucked in the garden?" You asked him, breaking the silence and looking at him seductively. Matt pulled his eyes off the road and glanced over at you for a second. "What!?" He asked in an appalled voice.

"Like the apple and the snake. You think those are just code words for something else?" You wondered, chewing on your lip. "I don't think you should be talking about stories in the Bible like that," he widened his eyes at you as if you were about to be struck by lightning.

"I mean, that's what they're alluding to, though, right?" You suggested. "I-I don't know. I never thought that far into it," Matt responded, dumbfounded. "You think Adam and Eve liked getting punished by God?" You smirked at Matt.

His cheeks grew red, he swallowed hard, and he started wiping his sweaty palms off on his button-down. He looked so cute when he was all flustered. "You think Adam was a naughty boy and liked getting caught eating Eve's fruit?" You said, slowly parting your legs and flashing Matt a sneak peak of what was under the skirt of your dress.

His eyes were immediately drawn to the little damp spot on the front of your white panties. "You're all wet.." Matt whispered, wide-eyed, unable to pull his eyes from between your thighs. "I know. I can't help it when you're around," you muttered, parting your legs a little further and gently petting yourself over your underwear.

"Please don't make me sin," Matt peered up at you with his needy, blue eyes. "I can't make you do anything," you teased him, brushing your finger over the soaked spot on the cotton fabric. "If you sin, it's because you want to."

"You're making this so hard for me," he whined, his eyes dancing between the road and the juicy treasure between your thighs. "You're right, I'll stop. I don't want us to crash," you smirked at him, pulling your hand away from your special place and slamming your legs shut.

The desperation on his face turned to disappointment. He didn't want you to stop, but he was riddled with guilt and shame about the way he was thinking about you.

"Can we stop at a store on the way home? I need to pick something up," you asked him. "Sure. Just tell me where to go," Matt responded quietly, still trying to clean his mind of the image of you spreading open your legs and gently rubbing the wet spot on your panties.

You led Matt to a parking lot with a sex shop in the plaza, and it was then that he realized you were up to no good. "Why are we stopping here?" Matt inquired, his wide eyes shifting back and forth between you and the shop you told him to park in front of.

"Don't worry about it. I just need to go in for a minute. It won't take long," you said, unfastening your seatbelt. "Well, you shouldn't go in alone," Matt killed the engine and started eagerly unbuckling his seat belt as well. "Yeah? You gonna protect me from all the dildos?" You chuckled, knowing he couldn't protect you from anything if he tried.

Secretly, he just had never been inside an adult entertainment shop, and considering sex was almost all he thought about besides God, he was curious. But he'd never admit it out loud.

The two of you walked in through the front door, clearly both in church clothes, and the girl at the front counter greeted you by name. "Who's this handsome devil?" The cashier asked, motioning towards Matt, and he blushed.

"This is my new neighbor. His name is Matt. We just got back from church," you told her. "Hot. It's always the religious ones that are a little freaky," the girl said, eyeing Matt and biting her lip. "I-I'm not," Matt quickly said, shaking his head.

"Yeah, he's a virgin," you whispered loudly. "A-am not!" Matt defensively said, turning bright red. "We're not here for him. I was actually looking into getting a new vibrator. I like the ones I have already, but I just want something with a little extra kick, you know?" You told her.

"I have the perfect thing for you," she winked at you, and she started to lead you towards the back. As the three of you walked past the magazines and DVDs, Matt's eye caught the cover of a few, and he started growing hard in his black slacks. He prayed neither of you would notice, trying to adjust himself as subtly as possible.

"This is the womanizer. We just got a shipment of them in this morning," the woman held up a toy. "And this part right here uses airflow and pressure while it vibrates to simulate oral sex," she informed you, turning on the toy and holding it out for you to feel.

"Wow," you said, your eyes twinkling as you felt the sensation against the tip of you finger while you imagined how it would feel elsewhere. "You sold me. Which color should I get, Matt?" You asked, looking over at your cute neighbor who was still trying to fix the erection forming in his pants.

Your eyes flicked down at the way the fabric strained around it, you smiled, and then you looked back up at Matt's embarrassed expression. "Um. Pink, I guess," Matt quietly responded. "Yeah? Like the color of your lips?" You smirked at him, knowing your comment was going to fluster him.

He reached up and rubbed the back of his neck. "Whew. Is it kinda warm in here?" Matt asked, loosening his tie and turning an ever deeper shade of red. "I want a pink one," you said, turning back to the sex shop worker. She smirked at Matt and the tent growing in his pants before she wandered off to the back to go grab you a packaged one.

"You come here so often, they know you by name?" Matt quietly asked you. "What can I say? I like sex. Sex with myself, sex with another person, sex with more than one other person," you chuckled. "You've had sex? How many guys?" Matt asked, sounding a little jealous. "A lady doesn't fuck and tell," you whispered, winking at Matt before the woman reappeared with the vibrator you and Matt had just picked out.

"Are you sure you don't want a sex toy recommendation, pretty boy?" The cashier turned towards Matt. He glanced between the two of you like a deer in headlights. "Uh. N-no, thank you," Matt studdered, wiping sweat from his brow.

The three of you made it back to the front of the store, walking past BDSM gear and lingerie. "Okay, with your employee discount, it's gonna be $40 even," the girl smiled at you.

"Thanks, Carly. By the way, since I'm here, can I get my paycheck?" You asked, handing her the cash in your wallet. "Yeah, girl. Of course. I'll be right back," she told you after shoving your crinkled twenty dollar bills into the register.

"You work here?" Matt asked, looking at you wide-eyed. "Just part-time," you responded. "And your co-workers know," Matt gulped. "That you masturbate?" He whispered. "Yeah, I mean, if they're the ones thinking about it in their free time, that's their prerogative," you chuckled at Matt.

Carly reappeared from getting your paycheck and handed it off to you. "See you on Tuesday!" You waved goodbye and left the store with Matt trailing behind you.

"Why would you embarrass me like that and tell her I'm a virgin?" Matt asked you, starting up his truck. "Sorry! I didn't mean to embarrass you! I was just being honest. Plus, some girls find it hot," you smiled at him while you buckled your seatbelt.

"Really? Do you?" Matt inquired, putting the truck into reverse and backing out of the parking space. "What do you think?" You narrowed your gaze at him. "I-I don't know. Is that a rhetorical question?" He asked, still bright red from the interaction with the sex shop lady while he shifted into drive. "C'mon, Matthew. Let's go home," you turned your gaze back to the road in front of you guys.

"Okay, if you tell my dad we went into a sex shop, he's going to kill me," Matt looked over at you with a serious expression as he pulled into his driveway. "Why would I tell him that? Plus, you're not going home just yet. We're gonna go hang out in my treehouse. Remember?" You reminded Matt, slugging him in the arm.

"I-I don't wanna smoke weed," Matt admitted to you. "That's fine. You don't have to. I'm not gonna make you. But I am going to smoke weed, and you can hang out with me up there while I do, and we can just talk. Get to know each other better," you suggested, staring at Matt's lips and licking your own. "Okay," Matt hesitantly agreed.

He followed you through the wooden gate on the side of your house into your backyard where the two of you climbed the rope ladder up to your treehouse. Matt noted how much bigger the structure looked on the inside once you and he were in it.

You made your way over to a bag you had stuffed in a crevice in the wooden-pannel flooring, and Matt's nose wrinkled as a pungent smell filled the air when you opened it. Matt noted that it contained a lighter, rolling papers, and several nugs of a green substance.

"You keep your weed up here?" Matt asked you, his eyes widening. He'd never seen it in person, just in movies and in pictures where teachers in school were showing him what to stay away from. "The devil's lettuce," he remembered church leaders referring to it at sermons.

"Yeah, my mom's one of those people who's in denial about everything, so if I keep it out of her sight, she can more easily pretend I don't," you snickered. You sat down on the floor with your back up against the wall, and Matt was directly across from you, leaning up against the opposite wall.

You started to roll a joint, grinding the flower up with your fingers while you watched Matt's nervous expression. "So, why don't you smoke? Does it make you paranoid or something?" You asked him as you rolled. "I don't know. I've never tried it," Matt shrugged.

"Why not?" You questioned him, licking the joint sealed as you stared into his innocent, blue eyes. "It goes against God's word," he confidently told you. "Where does it say you can't smoke weed in the Bible?" You asked, lighting the end of the paper.

"The Bible says you shouldn't alter your state of mind," Matt replied, watching the smoke from your marijuana cigarette slowly drift out the window of your treehouse. "But you had coffee this morning? Caffeine is a drug and a consciousness-altering substance," you smirked at Matt, using his own logic against him.

"That's different," he said, rolling his eyes. "How? Is it because you're one of those cherry-pick Christians?" You taunted him, blowing out another plume of smoke. "You're gonna get me second-hand high," Matt snarked at you, unbuttoning the top button on his shirt and covering his nose and mouth with it.

"You didn't answer my question. Listen, I don't care if you pick and choose what things to listen to or not, but I was just curious as to how you know what you're gonna follow or not. And you're not gonna get high. I'd have to hold you down and blow it in your mouth," you sneered at him.

The idea of you pinning him down had Matt's palms sweating and his heart racing.

"You get turned on really easily, don't you?" You seductively spoke, taking another drag. The end of the joint crackled while you inhaled. Matt licked his lips and subtly nodded.

"Naughty boy," your lips curled into a malicious grin, knowing this would drive him crazy. Matt hugged his knees up towards his chest to hide the fact that he was getting another hard on.

"So, tell me, Matt," you took a final drag off the joint and put it out. "Do you think it's a sin to masturbate?" You inquired. "Well, yeah," Matt shifted around uncomfortably. "But you still do it," you smirked at him. He silently looked at you, neither confirming nor denying your accusation.

"What's the difference if someone else did it for you?" You stared at him lustfully, testing him. "I guess I'm not sure," Matt softly responded. "Well, you should think about that," you told him as you started opening the package that contained your new vibrator.

"W-what are you doing?" Matt asked nervously. "I'm just testing it out," you assured him. "In front of me?" Matt inquired, his eyes growing wider. "Relax. I'm not gonna get off with it in front of you. Unless you want me to," you smirked at him, turning on the vibrator and running it across your palm and your wrist.

"Here, feel it," you said, crawling over beside Matt and placing it on his fingertips. "Wow. That probably feels really good," Matt quietly responded, imagining how you'd sound and look with it between your legs. "I can't wait to use it tonight," you whispered in his ear, gently grazing his earlobe with your lip. Matt's stare flicked up to meet yours while you ran the toy across his palm.

"Are you gonna think about me?" You were shocked at the words that left Matt's mouth. It was the most forward he'd been with you, and it kind of turned you on. "Of course, I am. I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since I met you," you quietly whispered, your gaze dancing between his perfectly blue eyes and his full, pink lips.

The tension in the air was palpable, and you felt a magnetic-like pull as the two of you leaned in to close the distance that lingered between the two of you. And just as your lips were about to touch, you heard your mom calling your name from inside the house.

You pulled back, shut off your buzzing toy, and sighed. Matt was looking at you with a desperate and needy expression. You leaned in and whispered in his ear again, "I've gotta go. Text me. And when you write about me in your diary tonight, make sure you call me mommy."

part two posted here 💖

taglist: @bsturnzmtt @sturniolo-girl @munchingmini @butterbean-01 @coolasice01 @theyluvme-2315 @zariyam @brookiecookie-18 @maggot3647 @slut4chriztopher @strnlslvr @sleepysturniolo @lvrsturniolo @sofieeeeex @imjusthereforthesturniolosmut @matts-myloverboy @new2024cats4life @witchofthehour @slutforsturniolosss @jaysturniolo @sturniolosweetheart33 @whoahoahoahoahoa @ilovechrissturniolosposts @smt-obsessed @sturnioloxlver @that1fangirll @hrtz4alex2211 @luvhsien @sp3ncerslvt @sturniolo-munch44 @jakewebberswifee @karttpet @ssturniolooss @thenickgurl @sturniolo-fann @sst7niolo @slxtformatt @chestersturniolo @riowritesitall @camzeecorner @mattsturnixlo @annedebeijer @scorpioosworld @mattlover-00 @sweetlikesug4rvenom @m11rx @sturniolocharms @mickelodeon-2003 @sigmarizzler1

[alchemistc]

Catie's Big Ass bucktommy fic rec (Part One)

So I'm not gonna lie, I have most of these fics priv. bookmarked because I HAVEN'T COMMENTED ON THEM YET AND I FEEL REALLY GUILTY ABOUT THAT. But more than one anon has asked for this and it tickles me pink that y'all like my writing enough to trust in my recs. So. Please, please, be better than I am and make sure to kudos and comment if you enjoy any of these works.

(Guys, there are SO MANY amazing writers in this fandom. So many truly breathtaking fics already. I got two hours into this and realized I was going to need to split this into parts because I have too many things to say about each of these and I want to do them all justice.)

Writers you can trust in:

@rcmclachlan /ao3 : I will sing RC's praises to the moon and back. There is something about the way RC injects humor into the tiniest of lines that makes me want to scream into a pillow until I pass out. You will see more than one of RC's fics in this list.

@kirkaut /ao3: kirkaut is the reason I jumped on this bandwagon. The unhinged spiral into LFJr obsession and the prevalence of well thought out meta and incredibly hot fic drew me in. If you are not following kirkaut, change that now.

@26-cats-in-a-trenchcoat / catfud_ohplease on ao3: Devastating prose. The ability to turn a theme on a dime and STAB YOU IN THE HEART with it. Mac owns my whole soul when it comes to really scratching that itch behind my eyelids for thematic imagery and really creative ideas for fic that aren't just run-of-the-mill smut/angst/fluff.

@devirnis / ao3: Ali only has one bucktommy fic up on ao3 but it is devine and I love it. Ali is also the only writer who has tempted me into reading buddie. This is not an indictment on buddie fandom or buddie fic writers in general, I just tend to be a one ship kinda gal and I don't really dive into fic for a ship I don't vibe with. Ali's writing has made me reconsider this position.

@beefcakekinard / thingbe on ao3: The domesticity. Literally just reread one of Rose's fics this morning and HAD to comment on it again because it made me want to fling myself to Jupiter.

(This is not a comprehensive list, but I just realized how many fics I have already bookmarked for bucktommy and I'm already under a readmore.)

Fics that make my brain go brrrr:

only fools rush in - somnum365 ( @firehose118)

Tommy lets Buck set the pace. Buck is ready for something.

Super hot and all about checking in. I've got a thing for discovering sex with a partner starting out with frottage and this delivers. The characterizations are so great.

Colin Firth Thinks You're Hot - IDontGoHereEither (@herrmannhalsteadproduction)

Buck is late for a special date night with Tommy, but he still stops to help a stranger stuck on the side of the road. Luckily, that stranger is about to help HIM.

Cute as fuck with a super fun guest star. Who doesn't want Mr. Darcy to think your boyfriend is hot?

sad girl poetic thursday night - screamlet

Date night menu: pasta primavera and emotional unpacking.

There's something about the pacing of this that sent me into a tailspin. The stream of consciousness that actually bleeds from the dialogue into the action and vice versa. Hng.

I Was Only Falling In Love - Princessfbi (@princessfbi)

Tommy in crisis mode.

There's a moment in this fic where Eddie has to pull Tommy back from the precipice of something and it lives entirely rent free in my head, forever and ever amen. The firefam taking care of Buck by taking care of Tommy.

let me count the ways - ashesandhalefire

Buck and Tommy in the aftermath of a good evening are chattier than they probably reasonably should be

There is something about this fic that feels like the witching hour is upon you, like you could live in this little pocket world Buck and Tommy have created for themselves forever. The dialogue is fantastic, and the way they communicate with each other is just *chefs kiss*

let's make it cinematic - kirkaut

Tommy helps Buck deal with some of his impotent rage in the face of the Gerrard of it all.

Listen, I do not have a praise kink. This kinda makes me wish I did.

"[...]Everything is.” He circles a finger around in the air. “It’s very spinny.” - this line of dialogue came for my fucking throat.

Sick with it - Mellow_Yellow

what if in an alternate universe babyslut Buck joined the 118 when Tommy was still in his closeted asshole era and they had a torrid affair??

The way this is a little fucked up. The way the characterizations aren't exactly familiar because they haven't aged into what we know them as in current canon. The way you can see in every broken line and every stutter step that Tommy is falling for Evan and has No Fucking Idea what to do with that. Ugh. Best Met Earlier AU I've ever read.

He blinked as Tommy walked by, eyes sliding closed again before he left. He felt a light touch on the top of his head but figured he was imagining it. He couldn’t think of anyone at the 118 who would touch him that carefully. - just absolutely fucking end me they're so good/bad for each other

A Full Body Workout - Persiflager

Tommy and Buck spend a day trying to distract Eddie from the *gestures vaguely* all of it.

The way this is so quiet in the way it shows you how Tommy and Buck care for each other. The way they are down bad but still so hyperaware of the pace they've set, the things they've talked about. The way they take care of their friend here. I'm obsessed with the tone of this one. Also, as a general theme, nothing draws me in more than well thought out dialogue, and this one has some fucking GREAT dialogue.

Your love is better than ice cream - Cecily_v, liminalmemories

An alternative meet-cute, where-in Tommy doesn’t know the 118 and decides Buck is worth it anyway. Buck is confused but figures some things out.

There is so much I love about this AU. How they meet. How their relationship progresses. How it feels glacially slow in comparison to the canon storyline but also how in character they both are. The foundation of their love in this fic is downright eatable.

just couldn't fall til we met - thingbe (@beefcakekinard)

Buck and Tommy spend a quiet morning in together.

This is the one that crossed my dash earlier today and made me eat fucking glass on reread. The closeness. The way they're both so tactile. The blink and you'll miss it hints at a life being built together. Eating this UP every time I read it.

The Premium Twunk Appreciation Society, President: Tommy Kinard - everythingremainsconnected

5 times Tommy almost faints like a Victorian maiden at the sight of Buck’s flesh, and 1 time he can do something about it.

“Hey,” Evan said, shoving Eddie out of the way and filling the screen with his playful glare, “organise bro time on your own time, I’m on the phone with– with Tommy.”

“With who?” Eddie repeated. Tommy didn’t need to see his face to hear the fondness in the mocking. “Who’s on the phone? I didn’t quite catch that.”

- They are so stupid about each other in this fic, please read it and watch steam blow out your ears at how sweet and hot and down bad for each other they are.

desire (i want to turn into you) - chthonicheart

The first time Buck’s really able to bury his face between a man’s tits, he nearly cries.

pwp but with a whole heaping of character study. HOT.

rule four (you were only waiting for this moment to arise) - middyblue (daisyblaine) [@middyblue]

Tommy has doubts.

There is a general mood to this piece that feels heavy in a way I can't quite explain. There was a weight on my chest all the way through this in the BEST way possible. The way Tommy navigates his mind and struggles to trust the little slice of peace he and Buck have carved out is just mindbogglingly beautiful.

Come Fly The Friendly Skies - RC_McLachlan (@rcmclachlan)

Buck meets their rescue mission's would-be pilot and is extremely normal about it.

"Throttling is what I'm gonna do to you if you don't shut up and let the nice man steal a helicopter for us,"

WHEN I TELL YOU I AM INCANDESCENT WITH RAGE over how funny and insightful this fic is.

Every characterization is picture perfect.

Maddie gives great hugs, but she's so small; if she had this guy's build and could basically fold Buck into her like an old blanket, they'd have to pry him out of her arms with the jaws of life.

In the back of Buck's mind, in a place he hasn't discovered, he's already picked out a venue and chosen his centerpieces. He's mentally putting together seating arrangements. This line of Buck's thoughts on Tommy Kinard told me so.

Please read this and join me in trying to destroy RC with my mind (lovingly).

little by little - MediaWhore

Buck & Tommy, during and after the wedding.

There is something so soft and gentle about this fic. The way Tommy just gives in to the exhaustion and props himself up against Buck because he knows he'll be able to take the weight (he wants to take the weight and Tommy knows it). The quiet flirting, the way they take care of one another. The jumpscare of Marge and Phil and how this fic is right at the edges of exploring that but Buck has me important priorities.

“It was badly done,” - the way this is so in character for Ma Buckley and the way it made me want to SHAKE HER TIL HER TENDONS SHATTERED AND SHE CRUMBLED LIKE A SATISFYING CASINO IMPLOSION

Soft and heartbreaking and mending all at once.

while you arranged flowers - newtkelly

Buck’s got a wedding date, but as far as today goes, he’s also got a regular one.

The way I want to wrap this Buck up tenderly and hide him from the people in his life who DON'T DESERVE HIS AFFECTION, HIS LOVE, HIS JOY.

The non-urgency of this, the absolute too-much-too-soon he's dealing with in his own mind while he grapples with the reality of seizing a second chance with both hands and getting to explore himself within the confines of a very lovely, very sweet and kind, VERY HOT man he wants to get on his knees for.

Beautiful prose, excellent dialogue, an insightful character study.

[idlebirdsparagon]

Musings On Sacrifice And Happiness Regarding Ram & Bheem

@hag-lad this snowballed a bit and took me a few days, but I was not making empty promises in the tags; it is done.

All right folks. This little analysis was inspired by this post by @enigma-the-mysterious and is an exploration of Ram and Bheem's attitudes toward their mortality and potential deaths. Neither of these two knuckleheads (affectionate) seem even the least bit apprehensive at the thought of their own deaths and I want to unpack that.

Content warning for talk of death, and disregard for personal safety, as per the movie.

Bheem: "I'll die with pride."

[Note: this section will be a little less of a deep dive into subtext and deeper meaning/conjecture and more a general explanation of the text, mainly because Bheem, barring the necessity of his Akhtar persona, functions narratively as the "what you see is what you get/I said what I meant" type. But it's fun to talk about him, and I'm making a culminating point at the end of this so I need this here for the sake of ✨️balance✨️]

Given his role as the protector for the Gond people, I would argue that it's reasonable to assume Bheem is, at any given point, ready to sacrifice himself for those he considers to be under his protection, whether directly a part of his tribe or not, especially based on the description of the protector given by Venkat Avadhani; yes Bheem is often likened to a tiger within the fandom (I do this too), but I think the imagery presented of a man willing to break a tiger's teeth and pry open its jaws to save someone is incredibly visceral and indicative of how far Bheem is willing to go as just one person.

Bheem lives with the knowledge that there's always a high chance that he will die as a natural outcome of his role among his people, as evidenced by how he doesn't promise his return when comforting Ram, saying instead "If we get out safely, I'll come meet you again."

And if he dies for the sake of ensuring that others get to live, that's a net positive for him; his purpose as protector fulfilled.

His entire line to Ram before he leaves to rescue Malli is a verbal acknowledgement of how much love he holds for his friend and an assurance to Ram that he'll have comfort in his final moments should they come to pass; he's not actively seeking to die, and he'll do his best to avoid dying, but he won't deem it an untimely tragedy should it happen. And having forged such a close friendship with Ram, that's another net positive he's been party to, so he can die with pride having done his job and holding the memory of Ram in his heart in his final moments.

Ram: "I will die gladly, Uncle."

I'm not gonna ease into this idea, I'm too eager so I'm just going to lay it out: Alluri Rama Raju does not live for himself and does not pursue his mission with his wellbeing in mind. Ram operates under the notion of being an instrument of the revolution and, even in times of his most heinous acts, regards himself as such rather than as a person. This is ultimately a topic for another dissection, but to tie it into the point of this post: when a tool breaks, do you weep? Does the tool?

I'm not going to wax poetic about material loss versus emotional loss; there is a nuance there that begs for a much longer word count. However, I will underline the point I'm making about Ram and how he regards his life.

Ram is given the mantle of being the weapon of the revolution at a very young age and we are told that he has worked for 15 years toward his (and his father's) goal; if you subscribe to the ideology that your life is that of a tool meant to achieve a goal, rather than as evidence of a living being, how will that change how you regard that life? Is it something precious outside of the mission?

Ram has a severe reckless disregard for his personal safety; jumping into a throng of protesters with nothing but a lathi as his weapon/protection being the biggest example of this.

(look at him go. wild. i'm armchair diagnosing him as clinically unwell.)

Ram is well aware of his prowess as a weapon and that gives him the confidence and internal permission to take wild risks without a moment's hesitation; he also knows that, ultimately, a weapon, if broken beyond repair, is replaceable; while he isn't looking to break himself, he certainly isn't being precious with his existence either.

And I would posit that he functions on a day to day basis under the need to accomplish his mission, get the weapons for his people and expel the British; beyond that? I wouldn't put money on Ram having planned for the future, or even having thought of making it to whatever future might be there for him. Though this idea is more of a headcanon than anything else; feel free to agree with or dismiss it as you like.

Then comes his ideological shift in the face of Bheem's rousing defiance of the Empire, and Ram's participation in it, in front of the people of Delhi at the whipping post.

Ram is forced to reckon with the fact that in his bid to be the weapon that brings about the downfall of the British Empire, he has effectively put that weapon into the hands of the enemy and allowed it to be wielded against the people he has been trying to liberate, and he knows this. The thought has been building for some time, as evidenced by his letter to Sita, but being ordered to flog Bheem expedited the process of cementing it as truth, with the final acknowledgement of that truth happening during Komuram Bheemudo.

But what to do with that realization?

What do you do when your purpose is thrown at your feet and you're forced to look at the culmination of your life's efforts as something that has been horribly corrupted and been rendered ultimately impotent? Let's me be specific with this rhetorical bit: What is Ram meant to do when looking at his guilt made manifest in the wounds littering Bheem's body, put there by his hand? Guilt that has been looming over his actions since his final shot in his village at his father's back?

(do you ever think about the fact that they show us the moment Ram stopped genuinely smiling until the day he met Bheem?...i do)

After the flogging Ram says Bheem is a volcano; I want to take that metaphor and turn it in my hands a bit to say I'd regard Bheem more as the catalyst for the eruption of people in Delhi, the introduction of magma into the chamber that triggers the previous buildup to come rushing forth; again another analysis for another time. Suffice it to say Bheem's actions and defiance in the face of the British and his torture incite immediate and tangible results in a way that Ram's methods from the inside never have and never would have been able to.

Here's where I'm going to bring it back to the idea of Ram and his happiness to potentially die for Bheem

Ram pins his hopes of a successful revolution onto Bheem. He doesn't seem the type to excuse failure in any capacity in regard to himself, and he has just been made painfully and undeniably aware that what he has been doing for the past 4 years has not been working; time to effectively decommission himself as the weapon. And if he dies, well, such is the way of things, no? Ram is beyond skilled in a great many things, especially combat, but I doubt he's ever regarded himself as invincible, he gets hurt too badly and far too often for that to make sense. Luck eventually runs out. He can do what needs to be done, he has every confidence in that, but he's aware of the possibility that doing so will come at the cost of his life. And with all that he has done up to the point of his about face after Bheem's flogging, he's more than ready to pay that price in his own blood.

Ram's life is not his, at least not by his estimation, and if he can keep Bheem alive, his own life is fine to be forfeit. He can die happy knowing Bheem still lives, with the added bonus of knowing the revolution will continue in his absence. At least in death he will have successfully done something good for his people and country.

To Summarize:

Both men are at peace with the idea of their respective deaths: Ram ultimately because he doesn't see his death as a loss if Bheem is still alive, and Bheem because he doesn't see his death as a tragedy if it means saving the life of another, especially with the knowledge that he can hold his friendship with Ram in his heart as he dies.

Though of course, within the context of the movie, neither of them has to die for the other, and I like to think that after the events of the movie they will gladly keep each other alive and never even think to regard doing so as a burden.

And that's where I'll end this analysis. If you made it this far, or just skipped to the summary, thank you for reading!

[unbidden-yidden-deactivated20240]

Hi folks, I added this to my pinned post but I wanted to highlight it separately from that:

***As of 8/4/2023, I am listing this link and this link as required reading for all new followers who are Christian, were Christian, are non-Jews who grew up in a Christian culture and/or have only learned about Judaism through Christianity, before you follow me. I am being completely serious about this, I don't want you in my space unless you have taken a relatively short amount of time to be an ally to Jews and at least learned this perspective. If you fit this description and have already followed me, it would mean a lot to me if you would also do this. Thank you for respecting this boundary. I am happy to be a resource for people who are learning, but there will be required reading and these links are a prerequisite.***

I have gotten a lot of new followers from this post (among other posts in my "every hour is theology hour around here apparently" tag, but especially that one) and while I love that people are interested in what I'm saying I do want to point out a few things:

I am not a formal scholar of theology or religion, or any type of clergy

I am not a Torah scholar either

I am a random person who has informally studied comparative theology and various source texts on my own time because it's interesting and meaningful to a lot of people, including me

I study Jewish religious source texts in particular because I'm a Jew who is both interested in that type of study and also traditional enough to believe we have a religious obligation to study Torah

I have a vested interest in Jewish-Christian relations and comparative theology because I'm a ger who came from a religious Christian background and my family is Christian

All that said, I am happy to be a resource for people who are learning or want to learn about these same things with me. I am happy to share what I know and learn from others. However I want to be clear from the outset that I am just a person and this is a personal blog. You're gonna see other stuff here. I may not be correct about certain things (unintentionally) due to my lack of formal training.

And most importantly, the links: why?

The reason I am requiring that new folks read those links in particular is because that is the baseline I want for our conversation. I have seen a *lot* of liberal/progressive Christians use antisemitic Christian imagery in their progressive Christian posting, some of it on my post calling for Christians to be allies to Jews.

I don't think anyone is doing this with that intention; I think they are engaging shallowly with that part of my post. I have noticed that A LOT. So many goyische progressives either don't understand and/or don't care about antisemitism, despite caring about every other issue under the sun. I am, unfortunately, quite acquainted with this and it is what it is. But I am specifically asking progressive Christians to step up in a big way because Christianity is the root of a lot of antisemitism for the last 2000 years. Not all of it. But a lot of it.

If you are going to claim to be a progressive Christian, you need to start the long journey of unpacking what you think you know about Judaism. Unless you have studied Judaism from Jews, you need to start with the assumption that you know nothing about us.

Again, I am happy to help people who are learning, but if I see one more person reference the Pharisees or the "cleansing" of the [Jewish] Temple as examples of Jesus being a progressive political rebel, I am going to lose my mind.

[ipatrichor]

dead boy detectives episode seven thoughts

hey what if i cried. what if I lay down on the floor and curled up in a ball and wept and wailed my little heart out?? what then???

ohhh my god. oh my god. i've said like twice now that this show keeps giving me everything i've ever wanted but it just keeps being true!!! i'm going to sob how does every episode just keep getting better How do the writers know exactly what i want and then do it better than i thought of are they in my head??? oh my godddd this episode was devastating

hey i'm gonna cry. what do you mean edwin died scared and alone so he made sure charles didn't. that's devastating actually!!! he died in the dark and he was scared and he had no one, so he brings charles a lamp and answers his questions about ghosts and reads him a detective story with silly voices. what the hell that's so. i do not have words for this it hits so deeply!!! edwin is so deeply kind in a way that doesn't always come across because he's also a prickly bitch, and i love him so much holy shit

hell was genuinely so unsettling what the fuck. the spider MADE OF DOLL HEADS(??!!!?!?!?!?!) was bad enough, but it was such an incredibly good choice to have it appear empty on the way in and only be able to see all the suffering on the way out. it really upped the creep factor in the first part, and then really made the escape feel frenzied. very well done!! the imagery was insane, i really Believed that this was Actual Hell

actually on that point. there was one detail that meant so so much to me, in a way i'm not quite sure how to explain but will give my best effort. after edwin's conversation with simon, after they reach some kind of closure, the blue light implying that simon is able to move on in some way and maybe leave hell... if someone wasn't raised christian & subsequently deconverted idk if that stands out to anyone else, but. okay basically there's a conversation about how hell, by definition, cannot be just because it's infinite punishment for a finite crime. and that wasn't necessarily the point of the scene, but as someone who's been doing a lot of unpacking stuff around this recently it just. it hit hard man. in a good way! that scene actually means so much to me... god this whole episode is fantastic

crystal confronting daniel!!! my god i am so proud of our girl!!! yess take your agency back and regain control of your life!!!!! also jenny frequently being annoyed by crystal but still following her to a spooky abandoned area with a knife just so she won't have to face her abusive ex alone... god i love jenny. like yeah she's abrasive and kinda a dick but also she truly cannot stop herself from providing support to these two weird as hell teenagers living above her shop.

AND NIKO!!!! god niko was absolutely brilliant this episode... absolutely the mvp of the entire show goddamn, she really read the rules and made that the night nurse's problem <3 i love that for her so much. however i will say something has been worrying me. that magic 8 ball that's supposed to tell you when you're going to die has apparently been consistently saying 'outlook not good' and it's been mentioned twice now. and given that this show doesn't establish things like that and let them go to waste... i am Concerned. not to mention, the scene where it was her and the night nurse talking about zombies?? like idk it could be nothing!!! but also that is classic foreshadowing so i am simply concerned!!!

alright i got most of the immediate thoughts CONFESSION SCENE. HOLY SHIT. okay so i know i'm not super into confessions and i tend to nitpick when fictional characters behave certain ways pertaining to romance depending on whether the narrative promotes it or not (yes, i have a complicated relationship with romance, it came free with the demiromanticism. but also my partner is amazing so if written characters aren't that's just kinda a skill issue? lol). ANYWAY. this scene though was amazing. edwin tells charles how he feels, putting no pressure on charles to respond or feel the same. and charles clearly isn't sure how he feels- it doesn't seem like he's ever thought of edwin in that way before, and he's awkward about it but still assures edwin that even if he doesn't know if he can return those feelings, edwin is still incredibly important to him and nothing's gonna change that.

god it's just. such a good way to handle that scene!! literally everything i hoped for ^^ even if charles doesn't feel the same (which i didn't think he would given they've been hinting at romance with crystal and not building romantic feelings towards edwin the same way they've been building edwin's feelings for him but as always who knows) he still reaffirms how much he cares about edwin, because like i've been saying they're the most important person to each other and it truly does not matter if it's platonic or romantic!!!

i also love how well this lined up with established characterization haha. like, of course charles made a deal with the night nurse and leaped into hell headfirst and alone to rescue edwin, he's impulsive even when he isn't emotionally compromised and he'd never abandon his best mate. of course niko tries to connect with the people around her and ends up being incredibly helpful with a unique insight, that's what she's been doing this whole time! of course crystal runs off to find her own way to hell after being stopped from accompanying charles, she hates feeling useless and consistently endangers herself for the sake of her friends. of course edwin tries to convince simon to escape hell with him, he's heartbreakingly good and has spent the whole show trying to help people no one else can. it's all so... god, they are who they are and i love them so much

anyway i will leave u all with a funny thought i had. i haven't engaged with the fandom outside of my pal noble sorry if this is a joke everyone is already making

the cat king: i'll be here waiting when he escapes hell again, god i'm such a romantic meanwhile, charles breaking into hell:

[best-overplayed-song]

Re: Take Me To Church in response to anon-- a take by someone who first heard it a bit After it came out at the age of 20, was concerned it was overhyped, and on listening had to admit that it was in fact good. (Also disclaimer, I've got less context about like, Irish/English history and stuff than OP so uhhhh sorry this is just gonna be my own personal vibecheck)

Tw: sex mention.

A lot of my feelings on the song are more related to this bit: Take me to church I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies I'll tell you my sins, and you can sharpen your knife Offer me that deathless death and revolve around a. Possibly more sexual interpretation, so take that as you will (I was horny at 20 what can I say)

Okay first off let's talk about Why Church Is Horny. Religion and sex are both things that people often have a lot of feelings about. Christians specifically have even more feelings about sex, usually because they're saying it's bad. However, from a Catholic perspective, there's often a LOT of erotic imagery and stuff going on behind the scenes. See: lactating Jesus, saints' mysticism (for instance, Theresa of Avila, Catherine of Siena), and honestly just general medieval saints… people were SO horny for God. Plus, from an anti-sex Christian perspective, stuff still gets horny more often than you'd think. Milton was a Puritan, and that doesn't stop Paradise Lost from having originated Sexy Satan as a trope. All of which boils down to, coming from Christian, English-speaking cultural context a lot of your feelings about sex and religion, both of which carry enough baggage on their own, become intertwined.

So. All of that means you get the invocation of Christian stuff in the Bedroom anyway--lots of people say stuff like 'oh god' during sex, for instance. Think about the popularity too of the sexy nun trope, or even Destiel. A lot of people find desecration of the (Christian) holy, hot as shit, though it remains taboo.

For that reason! "Take Me To Church" being a song about sex?? About a woman referred to as a "lover," not a wife? Sex as worship? Get all those cultural hotbuttons pinged. (And that's just the first line we're looking at.)

I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies Hoo boy. So, again, worship = sex? That's a lot as seen above. Invoking the dog imagery as part of deference to a woman also gets into stuff about gender roles, taboos, and the breaking thereof. There's a lot to unpack here-- deference of a man to a woman, of an animal to the holy, the admission that it is a shrine of lies, and tied into all that is the implied desire and consent to do these things. That's sexy!

I'll tell you my sins, and you can sharpen your knife Shame is a strong feeling-- one that comes up a lot when we look at this religion/sex network. Telling of sins evokes the Catholic sacrament of confession. And then we get to the knife. I don't know how to explain my interpretation of this without getting real kinky so uh, let's just say that pain and blood can have significant associations with both Christianity and sexuality, and the use of the knife thing in this context brings in Yet Another hot-button thing.

Offer me that deathless death I always just interpret this as euphemism for an orgasm. But! That's not to belittle it. Could a deathless death also be an assumption to heaven? In the context of the previous line(s), it takes on so many alternate connotations it's insane. Has he been stabbed for his sins? (That carried penetration imagery with it fyi.) Has he been forgiven his sins and gets to go to heaven? Or is it sexual release? With the ambiguity the song leaves, all three are possible, keeping up all those threads of violence/pain, shame, ecstasy, sex, divinity, submission… there's A LOT here.

Anyway I'm gonna stop there cuz this is too long. I don't even like this song THAT much, I'm just here to explain why people do.

OH YEAH AND PS: ADD TO ALL OF THIS THE SHAME/RELIGION/SEX FEELINGS AND ASSOCIATIONS CAUSED BY THE LISTENER BEING QUEER okay bye

I loved reading your interpretation! Thanks for the breakdown!

[wander-whimsy]

The Tortured Poets Department: The Anthropology

Day 3: My Boy Only Breaks His Favortie Toys

Co-interns, are you ready to unpack the brilliance of Taylor Swift's latest creation, "My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toy"? Under the expert guidance of our esteemed chairman of the department, Taylor Swift herself, let's delve into the depths of these captivating lyrics and decode the emotions behind each word.

In "My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toy," Taylor Swift once again demonstrates her unparalleled ability to craft deeply resonant narratives that speak to the complexities of human relationships. As co-interns under the visionary leadership of our chairman of the department, Taylor Swift, let's embark on a journey through the poignant storytelling woven into these captivating lyrics.

From the very first verse, Swift paints a vivid picture of emotional turmoil and inner conflict. The imagery of voices in one's head and a plastic smile crumbling under the weight of hidden pain sets the stage for a narrative filled with raw vulnerability and self-discovery.

Throughout the song, Swift masterfully explores themes of love, loss, and self-realization. The chorus serves as a poignant reminder of the fragility of relationships, with lines like "My boy only breaks his favorite toys" and "I'm queen of sand castles he destroys" encapsulating the bittersweet nature of attachment and detachment.

As we analyze each line, we uncover layers of meaning that resonate deeply with Swifties everywhere. References to past collaborations, such as "Renegade," add depth to the narrative, while insights into Swift's personal life offer glimpses into the inspiration behind the lyrics. Additionally, the mention of "Kens" as male-presenting Barbies adds a playful yet poignant layer to the imagery, highlighting the disposable nature of the men in the protagonist's life.

The bridge, with its haunting repetition of "Once I fix me, he's gonna miss me," speaks to the universal struggle of self-acceptance and the realization that true happiness comes from within. Swift invites us to confront our own insecurities and fears, urging us to embrace our flaws and imperfections.

In the outro, Swift delivers a powerful conclusion that leaves a lasting impact. Through the imagery of a broken toy and shattered dreams, she reminds us of the importance of resilience and perseverance in the face of heartbreak.

In essence, "My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toy" is a testament to Taylor Swift's unparalleled talent as a songwriter and storyteller. Under the mentorship of our esteemed chairman, Taylor Swift, we gain invaluable insights into the intricacies of human emotion and the universal quest for love and understanding. As co-interns, let us continue to celebrate the brilliance of Taylor Swift's music and the profound impact it has on fans around the world.

[wanderingnork]

Best Dying Screams in Horror Movies

Horror is a genre where we celebrate the power of a good scream. We revere "scream queens," female characters whose screams of terror in the face of a monster or killer become the ultimate symbol of horror. (There's a conversation about this idea and the idea of the "final girl" and where they overlap and how they differ, but that's for another post.) A common refrain about the movie Hereditary is that Toni Collette in her leading role was cheated out of an Oscar for her magnificent portrayal of a grieving mother--largely thanks to her screams upon finding her child's body. Screams can be of grief, of fear, of rage...or, as the title gives away, as a final expression of despair and terror before a violent demise.

I'm putting the recommendations under a cut, because the circumstances of these screams will be discussed. By nature, that's gonna get disturbing quick. Besides, since this is about dead characters, it's going to be full of spoilers for twists and plots and deaths. Tread with caution!

Final Prayer / The Borderlands: Released under two separate titles, this movie deals with Vatican investigators sent to look into reports of miracles at a rural church in England. Turns out that the church isn't just a church: it's the maw of an enormous, ancient, supernatural being. Said being is awake. And hungry. Two of the characters find themselves deep inside the tunnels under the church, and stumble into the creature's stomach. This movie put me off saying the word "melt" for three weeks. While we do get a scrap of dialogue at the very end (nearly-silent sobbing and the faint whispers of the Lord's Prayer), it's...quite clear that by this point, both characters are functionally dead.

Saw (2004): The last thing we hear from Adam, as Jigsaw closes a steel door to leave Adam alone in a room of total darkness with no key to unchain himself, are blood-curdling screams. To the point that director James Wan had to leave the room while the scene was being shot, because Leigh Whannell (playing the character of Adam) is his best friend and the screams became far, far too real for Wan to handle. Game over.

Alien: In the final action sequence of the movie, as the Xenomorph hunts down the crew, Ripley sends the other two survivors to get ready to self-destruct the ship. When the Xenomorph catches up with them, Parker gets a quick death by a simple bite. Lambert, on the other hand...well, we see a giant spiked tail sliding up between her legs, then cut to Ripley who gets to listen over the radio to Lambert's dying scream. As an acknowledged scream queen, Veronica Cartwright (Lambert) really gives it her all. On my most recent watch, it occurred to me that doesn't just sound like a dying scream, if you know what I mean. Given the highly sexualized imagery surrounding the Xenomorph...there's probably something to unpack there. And with the knowledge that Lambert is canonically a trans woman, we can add another layer. But later.

IT (2017): Right out of the gate, we get a scene that sets the tone of the rest of the movie: the death of Georgie Denbrough, who has the unfortunate luck of losing his paper sailboat into a storm drain where Pennywise the Clown is waiting. His actor pulled off panicky howls of fear so well it puts a pit in my stomach, and his final cry for help to his brother Bill as Pennywise drags him into the sewers is gut-wrenching. As an older sibling, this is my worst nightmare, and it's so very well-captured here.

Annihilation: This one's different than the other recs on this list, because the dying scream...comes out of the mouth of the killer. It's the bear. When the bear kills one of the team members, we hear a copy of her dying screams for help through the bear's roars when it returns to hunt down the rest of the team. One of the other characters even muses on it later. "Imagine dying frightened and in pain and having that as the only part of you which survives."

Food for thought: What's the emotional impact of a noisy death versus a more silent death? If any of these characters died without screaming, would it change how you felt about that death? Why DO we idolize screams so much in this genre? Do we feel the same about other loud expressions of emotion in horror? Does any of that translate to real life? And, reflecting on that quote from Annihilation, what do you think about the fact that audiences remember many characters in horror only for the fear and pain they endure?

(Previous Recommendations)

[dropthedemiurge]

Good to know I predicted everything that happened in this episode xD Dad, Not, Travelling, Alcohol, Kwan, etc. Still, there were surprises with Pear and Pisaeng.

I THOUGHT THERE WOULD BE MORE ANGST THOUGH

I thought Pisaeng was gonna be dead too lol

I know this is supposed to be "Kawi's life is great but everyone around him suffering" universe but somehow I'm having feelings for Pisaeng this time %)

Pisaeng, no, your heart is so big 🥺

Imagine staying best friends for 8-12 years with your crush who knows about you feelings but can't reciprocate them - living from one rare drunk kiss to another, hoping to get an ounce of attention from someone who's only getting further away, but he's getting happier so you should be content and happy for him too. Pisaeng even has an anniversary of his confession day, Oh My Gosh. He supported Kawi, he was his comfort zone and celebrated his wins, never shying away from his feelings - and Kawi wasn't even rude to him, he acknowledged those. Still, he had "love of his life" and Pisaeng was just best friend who fell in love with one person for life.

I know I'm usually on Kawi's side but it pains me to see Pisaeng's life being stagnant in fruitless hope 🥺 But Kawi is going to try and fix this. He admitted Pisaeng was very important in his life. Just wait a little longer, and he'll come and hug you as tight as he never did before.

The Message in a Drink

P.S. I am also glad to see they are not leaving this without a comment - but alcohol has its own character arc in this show, the way Kawi never drank for 30 years and then needed it to break from his mold to trying to drown his confusion and mixed feelings and fears in drinks and now he is popular and loved but running on alcohol addiction and Max points he needs a rehab, he needs to stop and seek help. They aren't just giving the message "drink all your problems away" every episode, alcohol imagery brings strong negative message in this show, no matter the character. It's so subtle but getting louder and louder.

I love this show, it's a tip of an iceberg and there is SO much to unpack I don't wanna spam anyone. But UUGH, P'Waa, the director you are!

[variousqueerthings]

OKAY SO first things first:

Nathan-Stewart Jarrett: an actor that I first saw back when Misfits was a thing who was so severely under-served by that show and ever since has become one of my favourites to keep an eye on. And yes, he's amazing here, of course he is. I'm also always interested in seeing which actors navigate queer narratives in various ways, and NSJ has been in quite a few interesting projects along these lines, including History Boys (the West End debut -- which, I haven't seen the play version of, and his character isn't gay himself, but those themes are there), Candyman, Generation, Benjamin, and of course Angels of America (I recommend all of these) -- bottom line is, he's played a number of queer men from different walks of life, in very interesting stories, and it's cool to add this movie to the list. I think the way he goes across genres and interacts with queerness in them makes him quite an underrated artist in the context of queer cinema, my guy is out there giving bountifully

George Mackay: I -- despite myself (because I'd prefer to think of artists on their own merits) -- often think of GM as the rich man's Eddie Redmayne. ER wishes he could GM level of performance. you probably know him from Pride, and you're going "ah yeah, your random white boy," and it's like, yeah, he is that, but Pride excepted, I've usually seen him playing across type, and he's very good at that. the other movie I'd want to highlight is True History Of The Kelly Gang, which is suuuch an interesting piece of Cinema that's got some of my favourite lighting choices of all time and really straddles the line of queer-as-presentation-as-queer-adjacent-narrative-as-queer-history. also recommend Captain Fantastic as a movie that has queer-adjacent feeling to it

these two as the main cast is perfect choice. that is all [insert a spiel here about actors I feel do an "acceptable amount" of queer narrative in order to get the accolades and/or a career jump, but aren't actually interested in queer culture and abandon those stories when it's not beneficial to them -- these two are not actors like that. I don't know if they're queer themselves and it's none of my business, but certainly they are doing great work in queer storytelling spaces]

THAT IS ALL!

now for the movie:

it's stressful

OOOH do I enjoy a movie that is fucked up and focuses on queer themes, this movie was tailored for me

this is one of those movies where you sit there going "there will be no resolution" and then there isn't and you're stewing in it forever and ever the end

no, but there's a lot going on here that would take an essay to unpack, but I'm not gonna do that, I'm just going to acknowledge the way this movie plays with power-dynamics. Jules is not only gay and femme, but also Black, and is pretty consistently surrounded by mostly white characters (that have speaking roles) outside of a couple of crowd scenes (I think most notably in the dessing room), not just in relation to going undercover with the man who hate-crimed him, but in his daily life as well, and while at the bath house. there are other Black characters in the background (I'd have to rewatch the bath house scene, but I think outside of the bottom in the corner there were noticeably mostly white men in that space), but I did notice that his biggest interaction was when he was pretending to be straight and dancing with a Black woman that he didn't know, so there seems to be a definite deliberate compartmentalisation of parts of him, that is made much much worse by the hate crime

the film doesn't lean into exploring race, but I do think a lot of it is the visual imagery anyway -- that is, it also doesn't "talk about" the complexities of being a closeted gay man in a hypermasculine environment, the complexities of the main character's trauma, the complexities of gay men's environments generally, etc. it's more about depicting masks/drag than analysing it in the text. what I do think is interesting is its title in all this

"femme" is also a word that's never said in the film proper, and I'm interested in the ways it puts this at the core of the conflict and relationship. the main character is hate crimed for being visibly femme, but not along the axis of being visibly femme and Black? (I confess here I had to cut the sound for about 5 or so seconds, because I was in need of putting a slight buffer up between me and the scene, so if I am wrong about this, let me know)

meanwhile the relationship is not just between a femme bottom (who's been hatecrimed) and a masc top (who did the hatecriming), the former is Black and the latter is white. I do feel like this is very intentional, it's meant to just sit inside you while you're watching, but there is a question of whether something could have been expressed out loud at some point -- whether it would have fit with what this narrative wanted to do or if the creators are happy to just let things... fester

(festering seems like the right word for the main character's way of dealing with trauma in this movie)

but yeah, so femme is always On your mind because of the title, and I think it's interesting that that is the title, it makes you zero in on the catalyst of the violence and on the power dynamics and ideas around visibility/invisibility between feminine queers and masculine queers in I'd say majority cis men's environments, and you just know as you're going into their relationship proper that at some point Jules is going to start ordering Preston about and that Preston has secretly been wanting that the entire time

I did like that Jules still bottomed in that scene, they didn't start creating false equivalences around bottoming = subbing = femme, and vice versa. Jules is in control of that moment

cutting up the hoodie to make it a crop top and using it in drag was really the fucking Moment for me. the Drama. the Subtext. the Analysis just about the hoodie that I'm not going to do here

so let us! get into the ending!

no happy endings, just cycles, Jules sitting on his bed in the cropped hoodie with blood on it, holding the same-but-quality hoodie that Preston gifted him in his hands, looking like he's going to hug it, before we cut to credits

this movie takes a trope (bully is secretly gay and into the victim) and blows it up large and goes "and where does this end?"

it doesn't try to wrap it up (never thought it would) but there's still some niggling Something there, that is partially my wondering where it could have gone next if this were "the real world" and partially wishing it actually had like. 3-5mins more runtime to it, because I actually think it could have driven the knife in (to the audience) even more

by that I mean I feel kind of like I don't know where Jules is by the point he stumbles into the dressing room, because we leave Jules right as Aphrodite's set is about to start, and she was... putting her trauma into a public space, but through the medium of drag, so it's not Jules, it's Aphrodite (and there was a line earlier relating to how Aphrodite felt more real than Jules I think it was?) so there could have been a fascinating moment where Jules thinking he could do this through the voice of Aphrodite is deeply affected. there's a disconnect for me from that moment going into Preston's POV (which is fine to an extent, we -- like Jules -- understand that Preston's life isn't easy either and we've seen now that he's Caught Feelings, but he is not the main character I mainly came to see doing fucked up shit), and then cutting away from the set as he walks away from it

Jules-as-Aphrodite is hurting herself onstage, and I kind of wish that we'd returned to that focus, because that's what has been happening over and over in this film, is "100 ways not to deal with your traumatic hate-crime how deep can this pit go?" and that felt like the culmination for me, even moreso than the fight at the end. yes, that triggered Preston, but girl is triggering herself just as badly, and for longer. the theme of trauma as a scab that one can keep picking on is That Bit Onstage. that's my only reeaaal structural thing, is that some of that ending felt rushed when I think it could have taken its time. there may be more to it than that, but that's the gist. BUT the final image really works for me

the cycle of violence at the beginning to violence at the end is very interesting. Jules is hurt again, but has managed to damage Preston, but perhaps didn't actually... want that in the end, and the pursuit of it hurt him worse (and yeah, I like revenge stories that show the cost of revenge), and what do you do about the fact that you did pity this person, but you still couldn't quite stop yourself, and violator-to-victim feels a lot more complicated now

(I have some complicated feelings about whether I would say Preston was victimised by Jules, or just personally hurt, although there is a potential Thing where Jules wasn't just The Relationship He Thought They Had Which May Or May Not Have Been A Lie, but an introduction to a queer community that he's clearly never had -- that being said, this man has beaten up at least one queer person, he has some Soul searching he needs to do, but the fact that it's a character drama more than a And What Did We Learn From This Kids is what makes it interesting -- Preston is not a good man, but Jules may still feel deeply affected by having caused him pain, even as Preston was the architect of his own ultimate emotional destruction)

in the end, lots of questions. about how femmes exist as visible targets in the world, about the complicated nature of queerness-to-oppressor that isn't just a neat line, about the intersection of race within that, about how reaction to trauma by wanting revenge is a way to forever exist within that trauma, about desire being something one can't control necessarily, and about the different roles we have to play in our given settings

CONCLUSION: the last point especially embodied by Jules who moves from femme to masc as demanded, whose Blackness is read differently depending on the code switching, who is a literal drag artist, who is an incredible reader of situations and can take advantage of that to his own ends (again, I think this is a way that his being Black is very deliberate -- there's an air of hyper-vigilance in most scenes he's in), who generally just... I could spend a million years with this character, because he's very proactive in a lot of scenes he's in, and that's the strongest thing to me about this movie. it's not "just" a reaction to trauma, it's a character who sets in motion the various plot moments by making very active, interesting, often self-destructive decisions. I am so into explorations of queerness that utilise the idea of transformation as power, and Jules moves through the world with so much of that transformational ability.

Jules is a trickster god and eternally watchable

"[...] then we came to realise that drag is the key word of the whole film. Whenever we were writing the characters, or even discussing the characters with the actors on set, we would always talk about ‘What is this character's drag?’"

Ultimately also this is a film that works so well for me, because it got that casting right. I think if it had been any of those glossy prestige actors I'd have switched off to what it was trying to say (this has happened to me increasingly with big fancy films that try to play in the sandboxes of the marginalised and the maligned and in genre-fiction). it needed to be on the tight focus that it had, with character actors and queer makers

noir for queers is such a juicy under-explored area, and this film definitely scratched the itch I had for it

fuckit, watching femme

[littlemisssquiggles]

So...about The Owl House Season 3: Episode 1---"Thanks To Them"....

..So...I woke up to watching this special this fine morning and...my God, there is so much to unpack and digest from it that I don't think I'll be able to get through in just one musing post.

So for now, this squiggle meister is simply just going to focus on the one major element of this special that got me the most out of all the great that was featured in it.

In case some of you don't know, Hunter is pretty much my favourite character in the entire series (second to Willow, of course).

So obviously, if I'm gonna discuss this special, I just HAVE to talk about all that went down with him.

[SPOILERS AHEAD! NUFF SAID!]

Firstly, to everyone who said that the Owl House leaks were fakes fabricated by Dana and the TOH team…well, ya'll must be feeling mighty silly right now because, it's one thing to be bamboozled once and another to be tricked twice.

Turns out, the leaks that were said to be fake…weren't fake at all. All the imagery that was shown in the leaks---from Hunter being possessed by Belos, to Luz rocking an Azura cosplay costume…it ALL happened in the episode so…there's that, I guess?

I mean it doesn't change how genuinely GOOD this episode was as whole but, still, there was that lil scare that happened in the fandom community.

That being said, yes, you did hear me right---Hunter got possessed by Belos in this episode!

Turns out all of us who theorized that would happened; myself included, were indeed right on the money. It happened folks and boy oh boy, was that a scene!

(Side Note: I love how Hunter's trademark lil front hair curl returned even after he got rid of it at the start of the episode. I find that detail a lil funny given all the comics and memes that were made after he got rid of it XD)

Secondly, rest in peace Flapjack! You were the true MVP of this episode in my eyes. I'm really going to miss this brave little bird, man.

Flapjack sacrificing himself to revive Hunter who died (albeit, temporarily because of Belos) was easily my favourite moment from this episode.

After everything that Hunter and Flapjack have been through together over the course of the second season and after all the times that we've seen Flapjack actively help and at times, even saved Hunter, it was so great that this little bird went out doing what he's always done---protecting his partner. Protecting Hunter.

Ah man, at least he went out knowing that Hunter loved him and he in turn, loved Hunter. I just…ah man, I'll need a minute with this moment because them feels.

Really hitting my heartstrings, man! It's gonna be a tear-jerker revisiting all those old tender moments between Hunter and Flapback from previous episodes, especially those from Hollow Mind.

That being said, Flapjack's death and sacrifice did get me thinking more about palismen in the general and what they actually are.

I strongly believe there was more to be learnt from the way palismans are born from viewing this special. Like it was already established through previous episodes that palismen are infact living creatures---they do possess souls which can infact be used to prolong the life of others as we saw with Belos/Phillip using palismen to keep himself alive for so long.

In respect to that, this does make me curious about one thing:

Is Hunter no longer a Grimwalker and can now be considered fully human now as of Flapjack's sacrifice?

In the episode intro, when we caught a glimpse of Caleb, we saw that his eyes were brown.

Hunter's eyes are red and as I just noticed, Flapjack's eyes are brown as well, like Caleb's. And after Flapjack revived Hunter, his eyes turned from red to brown.

So now this pegs the question, did Hunter's eyes change colour to reflect him becoming fully human as his brown eyes now match that of his predecessor or…did it turn brown to symbolize a part of Flapjack becoming a part of Hunter moving forward as a representation of their friendship and strong bond which has transcended two lifetimes?

And herein lies another curious theory that I have.

Imagine if…Flapjack WAS Caleb? Like imagine if…palismen work like the Chirithy from Kingdom Hearts?

In Kingdom Hearts lore, when the original keyblade wielders of the first Keyblade War "died", they were given options for their afterlife---either they reincarnate or their hearts goes to sleep and their partner Chirithy bonds with their wielder to protect their sleeping heart; becoming a Dreameater Spirit in the process.

So putting my KH nerd hat on for a hot minute, imagine if…palismen work like the Chirithy and when their witch partner dies, a piece of their soul becomes a part of their palismen?

Like when a witch dies, they impart a piece of their souls in their palismen so they can keep living on without them? Or something like that.

Or perhaps...palismen have souls so that in the event of their partners dying, they can sacrifice themselves to revive them as a failsafe? Y'know something like that?

I just like the concept of Caleb's soul taking refuge inside of Flapjack after he died due to their magical bond?

Like despite Belos/Phillip desecrating his body for so many years with the creation of Grimwalkers, I like the thought of Flapjack keeping the last piece of Caleb---his soul---safe within him for many years until he was finally able to "return" it to Caleb by reviving Hunter, making him whole again and giving him a second chance at life.

OR…

Perhaps... this was a sign of Flapjack finally fulfilling a last dying wish for a former friend?

Alright, really hear me out on this one:

What if…we've been wrong all along and Flapjack was never Caleb's palisman to begin with and was in fact, the former palisman of the witch who invited Caleb Wittebane to the Boiling Isles in the first place---Evelyn.

"...Goodbye Evelyn..."

I find it interesting that Belos said this line before killing Flapjack.

Makes me wonder if to Belos, Flapjack was synonymous with Evelyn because he was probably her palisman before?

Maybe Flapjack was Evelyn's partner before she was killed by Belos and because Flapjack knew how important Caleb was to Evelyn as his former partner and creator, that factor also contributed to why he choose Hunter in the end?

We still don't know the full details about what truly happened between the Wittebane Brothers and the witch Evelyn (who is obviously going to turn out to be a Clawthorne ancestor of Eda. There's no doubt about it).

For all, we know, Phillip may have killed her too along with Caleb and that's when and why he became trapped on the Boiling Isles?

Perhaps…Evelyn got hurt trying to protect Caleb and then Caleb got killed in the crossfires of Phillip attempting to finish the job?

And even after escaping, Evelyn ended up succumbing to her injuries and died, leaving Flapjack with the duty of watching over/protecting Caleb in her place?

As I said, what if…Evelyn was mortally wounded by Belos during their scuffle and although Flapjack was willing to give his life to save her, instead Eve made the little bird promise to save Caleb instead since Caleb was important to Eve.

But before Flapjack could get a chance to save Caleb, it was too late and Philip had already gotten to him---thus beginning his vicious cycle of Grimwalkers and his many, many attempts at trying to "save Caleb" since he failed so hard the first time.

There is still so much to learn!

And I know for the most part that all of what I'm theorizing right now on the spot probably sounds a little bit farfetched to become canon but nonetheless, for now they're just curious thoughts that I'm more than happy to share and still wanted to toss onto the table of possibility.

Either way, as I'll say once more, there is still so much more to be gaged from the backstory of Belos/Philip with his brother and that's why I loved this part of the special so much.

Hunter's part of the story with Belos isn't over and for that, I'm excited to learn what's next for the two of them.

I also really liked how this special reinforced that Belos/Phillip Wittebane is still meant to be the final big bad of The Owl House.

"...This is for the good of your souls. You'll thank me later..."

I wonder if he used that same line on his brother before killing him (by accident). But yeah, Big Boi Baddie Belos is still the penultimate villain of the series, it seems, which is super fantastic for me since admittedly, I genuinely love Belos as both a character and a villain.

He's just so fascinating to analyze and discuss and each new revelation regarding his backstory and his former motives, especially regarding his whole history and relationship with his brother just makes even more intriguing to me.

What's even weirder to me is that I've been seeing some comments that paint KC a.k.a The Kid Collector as the key central "villain" of The Owl House.

Listen…just because the little god child took over an entire island of innocent civilians just so he could play with them does NOT make him the final boss of the game, dagnabbit.

Nevermind that I also really, really love the Collector as a favourite character too. He is not the main big bad---at least not in the conventional sense and I'll explain why.

All things considered, I still wish to believe that KC is a very misunderstood being.

Just a cosmic star child with more knowledge and power than he can probably comprehend who was manipulated by a resentful old man hellbent on causing the genocide of an entire society of magical people all because he held one of them responsible for "taking his beloved brother away him".

Thus this makes me more worried for the fate of KC moving forward towards the second special because the writing on the wall is enough to kind of guess what's probably going to go down.

As established in this special, Belos is now able to possess other living things and basically steal their life force to keep him alive.

Even prior to possessing Hunter, we saw him possess and consume other leaving creatures in the human world such as forest animals like the deer and rabbit.

We saw Belos almost consume Hunter fully if it weren't for him fighting back.

That being said, if Belos can possess living beings then what's stopping him from possessing the Kid Collector next?

I feel like KC is in danger of becoming Belos' next target for possession---y'know as a little payback for taking him out in season two finale?

Belos almost destroyed the Boiling Isles by manipulating KC. Who's to say he won't try to do it again, only this time instead of manipulating the god child, he can simply take control of him and gain all of his godly abilities.

Now I know what you might be thinking that---that KC is way too powerful to be tricked or even overpowered by Belos that easily, right?

But I dunno…look at how easily Belos took over Hunter? Belos was able to possess Hunter by him simply touching a little tiny drop of his goop.

What's to say he won't do the same to KC? Make him believe he's destroyed him only to be blindsided and hit with the goop?

I tell ya---I really feel like Belos may try to possess KC next and once he has the power of a God, he can literally do whatever he wants with his powers.

I mean…technically, the Day of Unity isn't over.

The Collector didn't really stop it. He just nudged the planets apart with a tiny boop. But they're still pretty much there in the sky above the isles.

So if Belos possesses KC, he can just as easily use him to jumpstart the draining spell once more.

But... then again, I doubt Belos would want to do that without killing himself in the process since Luz did brand him with a sigil so if he jumpstarts the draining spell then… he'll die along with the Boiling Isle citizens too?

Unless…that's also what Belos wants?

Like he decides to pull the sacrificial hero card.

Killing the entire Boiling Isles even at the expense of his own life (and probably KC's too if he takes over his body), all in the name of the "greater good" and his cause or what not?

I mean this is all just theory for now and I could be wrong in all of this. However; I was right on the money about Belos taking control of Hunter so... who knows? I guess we'll see how things shape up in the second episode special.

---

In conclusion...

This first special gave me a lot to process but overall, I really enjoyed it!

There was so much really good and great from it especially in regards to the terrific development it gave for characters such as Luz, Hunter and even Camila (surprisingly enough). I focused so much on Hunter that I forgot to say how much I loved how great of a supportive mom Camila was to Luz in this episode.

I am SO looking forward to seeing her side of things for the second part.

While I'm not expecting her to "la chancla" the Kid Collector or anything like that, I am expecting her to be a total badass momma all the same.

"Thanks to Them" was a fantastic start to the series' finale season of The Owl House and naturally, as to be expected, I cannot wait for the next one.

In the meantime, I'll probably share some more squiggly thoughts and musings from this first special because I don't think I'll be done gushing about it for some time (at least until The Dragon Prince returns next month).

~LMS (2022)

[uglypastels]

My thoughts on Midnights (spoilers below obv)

Lavender Haze - super cute and fun. Great opener, but all I could think of during the chorus was how it kiiinda sounds like I Think He Knows.

Maroon - love the storytelling. The imagery used with all the shades of red- i need a moment.

Anti-Hero - super fun while also painfully relatable with some of the best lyrics followed by some of the more questionable lyrics. (I need the bridge and chorus breakdowm engraved into my bones, thats all).

Snow On the Beach - now, ngl, I'm not a fan of Lana Del Rey, but I think their voices merge together beautifully. The same thought comes up with HAIM's feature on no body, no crime I think; should the feature have a bigger role than just harmonies (bc is there a purpose for it then really??) or is this actually the perfect way to use it? Perhaps a bit of both. I think it worked great, anyway.

You're On Your Own, Kid - the bridge saved it for me, personally. It is definitely a song that needs a lot of unpacking, too much for me to do at 6/7 am, but until the ending it didnt really give me a lot. (The siren sound at the end tho- unpleasant)

[At this point my cat came to join me on my shoulder]

Midnight Rain - the intro made me feel unwell. And oh great its also the chorus... just for that, this might be a skip for me, eventhough I do really like the lyrics in themselves but what

Question...? - the sentences in this one made my head hurt and again some slightly interesting choices were made at times in the production that ruined some great lyrical moments for me.

Vigilante Shit - the second I heard the title in Midnight Mayhem I knew this was gonna be good and it certainly did not disappoint but maybe had more potential?? I constantly felt like it was missing a big loud chorus that you could scream along to (you could of course consider this a metaphor for how she's bottling up her real emotions in a situation and internalising all of it, causing her to stay up at night, plotting)

Bejeweled - that post-chorus Nice! thats it. Thats the post. Send tweet.

Labyrinth - the beauty of the lyrics made me too happy to care how emo this song made me

Karma - my cat is literally sitting on me and purring her little heart out <3 At first I thought that we might have overhyped the idea of karma, for i was expecting something much darker but the fact it is such a happy song is fucking perfect. I imagine Miss Swift sitting on her porch drinking a large fruity cocktail as she watches her enemies burn. Purrfect. And I'm sorry the personification of karma ohh *chef's kiss* the last line of the breakdown had me breaking down. Fav so far I think.

Sweet Nothing - this one made my cry. It's just so fucking sweet but I also can't help but think how Joe is seen by the public as just Some Guy who's been up-and-coming for years and yet??? But he's clearly just vibing and she's vibing with him and I'm happy they're happy

Mastermind - ok but can we talk about the contrast of this song compared to Invisible String (the golden string to lead her through the labyrinth in her mind maybe???) where she basically says everything happens for a reason and somehow they ended up together but actually no, that reason was her- but was it tho?? Because if he knew all along that means he was in on the scheme so perhaps they are both masterminds that found each other... idk, i just think they're neat.

[whateverthedragonswant]

5x13 - Fears & Thoughts

Hoo boy! What an episode!

So Maddie and Chimney are done. Wow, I gotta be honest, I didn't see that coming. Just another thing feeling out of sorts this season. But...I'm curious to see where this goes.

Gotta say, I am so happy we had a Buck and Maddie moment. Finally!!!!! And Uncle Buck and Jee-Yun is so cute!

Love how the fear emergencies didn't just revolve around actual phobias but the common theme seemed to be 'trapped'. From being trapped in a cage in the ocean, waiting for the sharks aka doom, to being encased in a huge web-thing, waiting to be eaten. The woman who had no fear and felt like she had no other alternative than to end things because she couldn't feel afraid anymore. Just the overall theme of feeling trapped. And this is the very same episode we see Buck feeling stuck between a rock and a hard place with Taylor moving in, Chim being scared about leaving Maddie alone with Jee-Yun, Maddie afraid to go near the bathtub until she forces herself to confront her fear, Eddie in therapy being asked what scares him and then us seeing him have a breakdown when he finds out all of the soldiers he saved were dead & confessing to Buck that he's afraid he will never feel normal again, Taylor saying she feels like Buck trapped her by asking her to move in with him so she won't leave, Albert talking about how his job isn't exactly what he thought it would be -- all of it is just related to this one overall theme and I am loving it.

I'm also loving how Taylor is forcing Buck to change to her couch. How the boxes are all over the place and "we'll just have to cull as we unpack, we probably have two of everything", and Taylor can't even find forks for her and Buck to eat their dinner.

Not gonna lie, I feel a bit bad for Taylor. I don't hate her character like some do but it's becoming increasingly obvious that this relationship isn't endgame. "No more lies" and Buck still has yet to tell her that the woman he kissed was the new firefighter in his firehouse. I wonder when she will find that out and what her reaction will be. And is it me or are they purposely making Taylor fade into the background and acting like a naive, lackadaisical girlfriend who bums around the apartment all day, typing away on her laptop, and humming as she goes about? She's felt very off herself (just more of this season's overall theme of being off) and I feel like 5x13 is where we started to see just a little bit of her true character shine through (once Buck told her). And Buck telling Maddie "I do love her. You know, she's been there for me through you guys leaving and everything"...I kind of wish I could be that court reporter that reads back to him what he said earlier in the season: "That's not how you talk about someone you're in love with." Buck, my man, can you hear me? This is your conscience speaking, stop dragging Taylor through this and realize this relationship isn't what you want! They're literally beginning to dismantle it in the show right before your very eyes!

I've said it before and I'll say it again: Buck forcing his way into the room Eddie is locked in...what imagery! That coupled with "You're the guy who likes to fix things." I see you, 911. Very interesting analogy you got there.

Did Buck really just call Lucy Firefigher Donato? Didn't Buck try to figure out a new nickname for Eddie back when he arrived at the 118 even though he wasn't a fan at first? I know Buck is trying to put distance there with Lucy for obvious reasons but damn what a contrast they purposely gave us in this setup.

Not gonna lie, I really thought Buck and Eddie were going to hug when Buck saw Eddie sobbing on the floor, but my hopes were thwarted, dashed, went up in smoke. Buck's reaction to me felt slightly off. We've seen his reaction whenever Eddie is in physical danger but it almost seemed as if he didn't know what to do in the face of this breakdown. I know Eddie is usually the guy who keeps everything in control like Bobby has said, but I don't know...it just felt slightly off to me. But it was a great scene though! And of course, my heart hurt for Eddie. I truly hope by him opening up to Buck about this, by seeing that Frank was right about how when the box exploded it would not only affect him but everyone around him, that he truly takes care of himself and is more open-minded to the idea of him continuing therapy (and asking for help when needed). I also wonder if this is going to somehow lead into Eddie coming back to the 118 now that Buck knows what bad shape Eddie is in and why, especially with him being "the guy who likes to fix things" and being concerned about Chris.

I also think it's a very interesting sort of parallel that we have now of Eddie exploding on Ana and Bobby and the whole "I already apologized for that." All related to Eddie's anger and "I was upset." We've also seen him explode on Buck before, but the contrast there is that we saw Eddie work it out with him, we weren't just told about it. Very interesting, indeed.

I'm really curious to see what happens in the next episode. Gotta say I'm slowly starting to feel like my 911 is coming back, slowly but surely. 5A was a bit rough. Oh, and if I ever look up what all of the 1st episode animal symbolism is again for a future season, feel free to tell me to shut it. I will slap my own hands. I feel like I was stupid and predicted how out of step the 118 was going to be, how the family was going to break up, but I never anticipated just how much. I was excited seeing it come to fruition but then I immediately put the car in reverse, shaking my head and going "not this! not ever this!" as the season progressed.

So, I'm really glad that Maddie is back as is Chim, and we're starting to course correct a bit.

[crackinglamb]

WIP Whenever

Tagged by @fiadhaisteach and @natwhumps, thank you!

I'm a day late because my real WIP this week has been recovering from a moderately severe blowout of my back that prevented me from sitting upright for more than 20 minutes at a time (I'm doing better today, not great, but better).

I'm also not gonna tag anyone since I'm pretty sure everyone's done it already, but if you have something to share, consider yourself tagged. Yes, you.

But of course, I also have words. Have some snarky espionage planning banter. (@about2dance, this is the scene I mentioned yesterday.)

---

“Where are we, anyway?”

“Hmm, Nevarra?” he replied, sounding as if he wasn't entirely sure. “The boundaries of nations are ever fluid.”

Sufficiently warmed back up, she left the hearth and went to his side at the table, looking over the rations he was unpacking. There were bundles of dried meat and fruit, small packets of nuts, two loaves of bread that seemed remarkably fresh and glass bottles of water. “That would make this the Planasene Forest, then?”

“Yes.”

“And you keep supply caches in Nevarra?”

“For my agents. They often have need to travel light and remain inconspicuous. Foraging and hunting are dangerous activities for lone elves.” His tone was dryly sarcastic, but she still heard the anger in it. It was always there, that righteous wrath for his People.

“Are there any pies you don't have your fingers in?”

She grinned at the face he made, at first mildly disgusted by the imagery, then contemplative as he parsed the idiom. He tilted his head towards her, as if just then registering that she was right next to him. “I have few agents in the Anderfels.”

“Few, he says,” she teased. “But that means that you do have some. So that's a no.”

“I have no agents in Par Vollen,” he offered instead.

“Not for a lack of trying, I bet.”

“The Qun has proven remarkably difficult to infiltrate.”

“Because they need to pose as viddathari, which means having a working understanding of it, right?”

“Indeed.”

“You should shuffle them through Rivain. Lots of places there have viddathari.” She unwrapped a strip of jerky and took a gnawing bite of it before noticing the gleam in Solas's eyes as he looked at her. “What?”

“An intriguing solution.”

She shrugged. “Elves in Rivain already enjoy greater freedom and consideration than anywhere else. Plus, with the number of times it's been overtaken by the Qun, there's a real mix of cultures. Seems obvious to me.” She gave him a sly grin. “Surprised you didn't think of it already.”

“I have had other considerations,” he said, somewhat wryly.

[lostandsearching]

Hey

Told you I'd be back

First of all - Did someone hurt you? Because between the endings of 'Piece Of Me' & 'The Abyss Calls' it really seems like you like to kill R off (I know you've turned 'The Abyss Calls' into a series now but still...) Like, are you ok? Do I need to call someone?

'Piece Of Me' - the way you wrote Wanda was so good, all her insecurities (which are valid and made it all the more heartbreaking during my 2nd read through) were incorporated so well

From the beginning you show just how protective R is of Nat with the way she threatens Wanda...

["You're both part of the family now, we protect family"] & ["I'm pretty sure I'd give you anything you asked for"] - oof if Wanda could fall any harder she just did

Wanda and R are so cute

But alas people on this site just like to keep breaking my heart... The continuation of the relationship in Wanda's coma and the inevitable angst ending... I swear I don't have a heart anymore from all the pain from these stories...

I'm still holding out for a part 2 (wishful thinking) for 'Piece Of Me' where R didn't actually die and she was buried in the rubble where Hydra found her first with no memories and they turn her into a weapon (just putting that out there)

'The Abyss Calls' - I liked the way the memories were written into the story and the whole thing... Just so good... It's so beautifully written - the imagery of the heart with the thorns throughout the story and the way you used it at the end - so good... The references to Icarus (even at one point where you compare Wanda and Nat to Aphrodite and Athena to keep in line with the Greek mythology thing you have going) - still just so... good...!

The fact that Wanda is the one who instigates the relationship makes it hurt all that much more when she ends it, R was happy with just having a friendship with her

Wanda breaking R and the downward spiral - ouch.

["The emptiness is a vivid representation of the state of your heart as pain dances within, cloyingly."] & ["...you just want the pain to ripped away from you just as your heart had once been."] &["...she grips you tightly hoping to keep together what’s left of you until she can help you put yourself back together..."] - These lines! So good

I'm expecting the next chapter to start off with something like "but the world is cruel and you not so lucky when you wake up to a room too bright to open your eyes..."

Looking forward to the next chapter

- M

Well....OK this is a lot to unpack and my sleep deprived arse won't let me sleep until I answer this so here we go!

The Abyss Calls was always a series but due to the content of the story I wasn't sure I was gonna release it as one, I already had the 4 songs set for the chapters while I took a break, still stuck on the 5th. If you've got the speed dial to whoever created mankind and can ask them where my sanity went, that would be great!

With 'Piece of Me', the way I see it, this story is set before the Lagos mission and this loss of R was the reason that Nat and Wanda began to rely on each other more and what had established Wanda and Vision's friendship. R may have died but at least they had a each other and a piece of R with them forever. I see that as a win :)

The Abyss Calls, I have a thing for Greek Myth so I wove it into the story lol. If people can tell me about Greek Myth, I think it's hot af.

With chapter 2, It's called The Ghost of Me and the summary is -

"Natasha had found Y/N on the brink of death, rallying to try and save her life. How does she cope with the loss and what does the future have in store for the ex-assassin as she lives with the phantom of her best-friend? Will the ramifications of Y/N’s thoughtless action push Natasha into the depths of despair?"

Make of that what you will hehe.

Most of all, that fact that you read through Piece of Me twice makes me smile and that you enjoyed both fics so much really makes posting them worth it. To know that people enjoy the worlds my mind creates as much as I do is always nice to hear so thank you for the kind words and for sharing your thoughts with me :D

Now I'm off to try to sleep. Thank you for the lovely ask!