#I'm not even sure I like all of it or that it's cohesive but it's. Something.
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heavy traffic
Nobody Wants to Die 2024
#wrapped it up#it was an interesting experience#if all the cliches#if they're fun that's not bad per se#it lost cohesion after the first half#then it picked back up towards the end#hated some parts but loved the environments#story left me with so many questions#many world building technicalities left unadressed#like what even are the actual logistics of the Thing#but then there's multiple endings I guess so maybe a replay in time?#I'm not sure if it's a rec at this point#anyway it was an Experience#nobody wants to die#indiedev#critical hit games
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among the boundless billions zaniness like laugh track as it definitely has that moment of expressing "rolling my eyes as The Left makes a kerfuffle of Acting like they have a stance as a veneer over the true belief that [xyz] is cool & chill actually" like what, approximate 0.000% chance wendy isn't, as usual, given the Objective Stance of "yeah yeah ohh we are cancelling involved parties talking about how we Don't watch this But. we all love this damn epic movie & already have it memorized so shut the fuck up, kids today" like. don't wanna really delve into how much billions thinks taylor or anyone is "really" trans / nonbinary like not too much benefit of the doubt in this material including what does provide info abt that specifically
& the general like [head in hands. what do you think any of this could possibly be about (you're the one that made your show at all about Power)] of "yes, it's bad/wrong to be someone that someone has done something to / victim of something" like that to be anti misogyny All Women Must Be Epic Winners b/c there's something to be proved: that they don't Deserve to be victims (of misogyny), not taken as a Given. while when we see some epic winner men stepping on other men (who need not all be guaranteed Winners so as to say misogyny is wrong), that's often Good, well beyond any assumption that various forms of basic disrespect / violation / patterns of emergent/entrenched power difference as Bad (for being things done to people, not for there being people they're being done to), & generally billions has to take an extra step when ppl get shitted on & tell us the Specific Cases when it was undeserved actually & someone was being mean to a specific person who didn't deserve that. & the specific cases when hey guess it wasn't that bad(tm) or when hey It's Okay that you're someone something was done to, in this case. & tell us what we were supposed to know all along like when someone who something was being done to (wrong Of Them, whether b/c they inherently deserve it no matter what, &/or b/c they failed to be someone who could make it Impossible to do anything to them, which, how do you do that besides being The Authority / Superior yourself, exactly? nonrhetorically? what if the in group vs out group / fascism / authoritarianism protected Me?) was actually being treated Too Well b/c ah well the abuse meant you were getting any attention, maybe it meant you were claimed as any superior's property, maybe it meant you weren't Already disposed of, as all Losers were in the end, You're Welcome.
obviously referring to winston where it's spelled out all the abuse towards him was deserved, & More than he deserved in the case of rian having more access & taking advantage of that, all for billions' enjoying its own sendoff there of, again, maximizing violation & violence short of [real violence is physical & leaves bruises / draws blood / Literally kills] which would be distasteful in general But doesn't it make wags look like the winner & winston the loser is that the former's completely unrelated completely impersonal ego blow gets way amplified taken out on winston, the most vulnerable recurring character when spyros as [first & ultimate Everyone Hates Him role] is more entrenched in there & billions still magnanimously pities tuk, as it does winston too, just not quite as much. again that like completely surface level realized power fantasy of forcing the mirror up to the Inferior so they're like nooo my inferiorityyyy & in doing so like, the projection in that lmao, we get it re: the valuing of & need(tm) for such Power Tripping & Reaffirming My Superiority & My Ego Restored; Everyone Claps like good god. & then for all ben & tuk are the slightly softer Two Too Nice Boys duo to the rian & winston quant duo, also like too nice i guess but not as much, ben is in charge of tuk but Any instance of rian being in charge of winston outstrips them in that "yay interpersonal abuse" dynamic, like then in the end billions may be like "yeah it's possible to be mean to them unlike how being mean to winston is actually Nice b/c he deserves everything he gets, we only vicariously enjoy it vs Feeling Bad for tuk & ben sometimes (still magnanimously & it's Not That Bad / just goofin)" like ben & tuk still Fail by not being people it's impossible to do anything to. & not Exceptions who anyone is really being Too Mean to. like if they were women, in which case, no problem surely with a "positive" kind of victim blaming where there is something Inherent that Will be victimized so hey how about to cancel that out there's this special Paternal Protection you Need always, Or Else? :) but instead they are men who are asian & is ben gay & w/tuk & winston nobody mentions glasses or fatness but billions doesn't really do much or very in depth textual mentioning of Anything, even w/nonzero mention that there may be gender & race in this world. a gay man, once. no disability. we just Know who are the inferiors who deserve it when they're treated inferiorly, or if they don't, they start deserving it when they fail to stop/avoid it, but if you start mentioning the factors behind who we all totally agree is inferior like whoa nobody was Saying any of that? being the real agent of oppression on the basis of the factors only You spelled out, much? nonbinary? i never say anything about the Gender Binary when i'm subscribing to it, sounds like You've created & enforced it. obfuscation & deflection onto [so Just Normal nobody has to label, explain, or argue it] couldn't serve a purpose & protect the existing power differences as they are. maybe You're the problem? perhaps you brought it upon yourself & now you're causing too much trouble standing up for yourself while everyone else's criticism is laser focused on you as the prior & continuing negative actions done to you are taken as a given / unquestioned / covertly protected to overtly encouraged?
anyway so wild if the Completely Normal(tm) Victim Blaming is uncritically recreated & oft embraced for "if you're watching this & don't wish you were axe / find him appealing" [billions as a sequence of vicarious power trips] purposes in this series....but a bit wild considering like this is your multiseason show that wasn't just purporting to be those power trips for [enough demographic & apparently specific personal tastes overlap w/creators] & was at all purporting to question the matters of power at play in the material, or yknow, at least to not be completely superficial material while said material is textually & thematically all about power difference being leveraged, how, the consequences, & so on. thus i will have to intermittently talk about it forever like this like lord unbelievable. & the funny little & sometimes less funny less little characters it has trapped in there so that those of us who were never meant to be in the audience can be cursed with this knowledge. like i have some feedback. "imagine not victim blaming" & "imagine adjusting your perspective can go beyond superficial layers added to politely defer to some other ppl while they're present but really like cmon do they deserve that. am i not just saying what we're allll thinking"
#another random night another Verbal Effusion of [forehead to hand]#winston billions#who needs actual questions about power or the consequences of getting to consider others Lessers & acting accordingly#when we can last minute be like uh wendy is god actually. take it away wendy (wait she just does whole other shit half the season)#okay Now take it away wendy i guess b/c the series is dead set on you being the Moral Center#if mostly b/c gosh everyone either loves owning you as pseudo wife or correctly recognizes & defers to your superiority#the scene i couldn't bear to sit through at the start of s7 way too long sequence of wendy Going To Work to the ''cuz im awesome'' song#i was like. lol. i was like okay that is wendy's mood / perspective then. Wrong. it was billions conveying Fact to the audience. rip#abt as great setup for ''the only other shoe that finally dropped was that of Yeah It's This Completely Surface Level'' as possible (:#prince has exactly the same attitudes & actions as wendy does? uh well you see. it's just bad when he does it#if only more wendys were in charge. if only we go ''well even if it's bad if wendy does it? or axe or whoever? Could Be Worse''#nothing to analyze in the [but at least it's not worse] dead end re: justification of Power Leveraging & minimization of its consequences#tl;dr just the victim blaming embraced everywhere & the idea that everything that Deviates from the Norm Too Ethically Mindedly#is just that veneer slapped on overtop of [haha but truly: the norm] like no but seriously we all know It's Not That Deep(tm)#even for the characters written to exercise this [my Extra Mile Ethics] trait regularly it's expressed as this Polite Addendum#to the [what's Really at play] normal. the And Enbies tacked on; that's that on that & it Is an extra veneer to the norm#prince asking if taylor's changing up their pronouns; no more Meant a red flag than him immediately shitting on winston i'm sure#yet yknow why tf suppose taylor more than anyone else would Change Pronouns. taylor who the series also only ever shows as being#misgendered As A Woman. whose drag / cisguise As A Woman is not treated in the same way a man's would be / is#whose emotive / expressive affect isn't either. billions like [the genders are m/f] to [perhaps also amab/afab] Tacked On#as something politely Extra you do to their face that doesn't actually change (threaten) your idea of what's just Normal & True#like it's normal & true that ugh god don't you hate the autistic people around you? don't you wish you could go sicko mode on them#so that they couldn't be around you anymore & they'd have brought it upon themself & really it was good of you b/c The Group Cohesion#thanks you & b/c you just gave them free ABA? yes yep Surely Unquestionably#problem isn't abuse & concomitant violation in & of itself. it's Bad to be someone that's done to. we will announce Exceptions#rest of you either you brought it upon yourself or you failed to Correct that you're not someone who inherently deserves it#that is: someone who just can & will Stop It if done to them. well so you see winston pushing back is ignored or treated to further#backlash & then he withdraws (expression of his experience / creation of a consequence which tells the other Stop Doing This)#&/or otherwise conveys displeasure / being hurt (same as before. ''uh well push back / express xyz'' ppl did & were steamrolled/ignored)
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I was kind of getting into this with the tags on the other post but it's interesting to have the comparison of having watched Lawrence of Arabia before knowing things about him (and also being 12) and after knowing a bit more, because I think that the movie does fundamentally touch on the theme that he's not a hero, even as he is at times - and he's a not-hero in a very interesting and particular way. I do think that the way that his story is told in it does inherently become a bit of a tale, in which he becomes a character, and so loses some of his complexity, but I do think that he manages to resist a lot of things by the inherent nature of what he did. Personal myth-making in The Seven Pillars of Wisdom (which I have not read but do know things about) aside, I think things about him are in fact very hard to redefine, such as some of his more masochistic tendencies, his queerness, his uncomfortable place within the British Empire, his own self-aggrandizing, his relationships with the historical figures contained therein, his cycles of burnout, and a whole bunch of other traits which make him not what people want to see as a hero, inhuman and too human by turns. What I mean to say is that while the film certainly takes a particular stance on him, he still resists easy categorization, especially in moments drawn from primary sources, and I think that knowing how complex he was and wanting to see him complicated, the movie does a good job allowing for that reading as well.
#not a cohesive rant but i enjoy how un-collapsible he is#what i mean is that the movie taken as-is gives a particular reading of him but if you want to add in other readings they also work#i think this was what the other person was saying about most takes on him really being quite bland#he's a guy who resists simplification and forces the story therefore to also resist simplification#you can't tell it without the betrayal at the end and elucidating the betrayal at the end requires taking a particular stance#and for all its orientalism and poor characterization of the arab characters they still remain complex if you want to read them that way#as does the british imperial military structure. none of them are getting out of this with an easy ending#i think that's what makes it such a good movie even after all these years like it holds up to the scrutiny#i guess that's what i'm getting at here. it's not just lawrence it's all of it#but i think that's because of the primary sources they used. i think it would have collapsed much more otherwise#sorry i have a lot of Thoughts about this movie it's rattling around in the brain for sure#perce rambles#freak in the desert
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Me months ago: Teehee can't wait for STAE #6 when Hawk gets that letter postwar
Me today: Hmm
I seem to have misinterpreted series length. Raise your hand if you are surprised.
#i THINK the next four fics may be combined into one big fic#like maybe they're all novella-length and get put into four massive fucking chapters to keep it cohesive#but i'm not sure#maybe the whole next fic will be these same 5k chapters in length even if it's 80k long#or maybe they will be four separate novella-length fics#either way i'm in hell thank you for asking#my ramblings#my writing commentary#some things are evergreen
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I just wrote the most esoteric and overpersonal free verse poem of my lifetime
#it's about my very silly childhood trauma of being left in a car for about 10 minutes while my parents had a phone call outside#where I couldn't see them. i was 7 I was in their line of sight I had our dog with me I was totally safe#but I hadn't been TOLD they weren't Immediately coming back which was what I Expected#and so when they Didn't I got Terrified even though they were like. 10 feet away. I just couldn't see them. and hadn't been#expecting it. akskdkfnskfn apparently my Misplaced Expectations have been getting in my own way since I was a kid#and it's also about my childhood dog. and about my brother leaving. and age gaps. and about my childhood dog#as an illustration for God's presence in my life.#but it's like. REALLY weird and esoteric and messy#I'm not even sure I like all of it or that it's cohesive but it's. Something.#Lu rambles#sometimes i think i could write poetry
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how did you like The Shining?
It was enjoyable, I liked the set design and I do like when a movie has a pretty fluid original soundtrack rather than prescripted beats. Hard not to remember that Kubrick abused the shit out of Duvall. I can see how people get very obsessive over interpreting this movie. I don't think it sparked that in me but it was like, worth the watch. Tbh I think if I didn't know about the immense hype around it I would be even more meh on it. I was sort of always a bit out of place watching it because, purposefully as far as I could tell, it felt as if everyone was acting around each other, without being an interacting whole, which was an effect that just didn't really play out well for me. If I even rewatch it maybe I'll like it more then but for now I'll put it in "It's always fun to watch a movie with my friends but this was solidly mid to me."
#asks#it files into the type of media where an overall simple story is made purposefully vague and more ambiguous and then lots of#specific details are peppered around#as to inspire people to think way harder about it even though#it kind of obviously seems purposefully lacking#which like. i guess some people enjoy that#but I personally prefer movies and books that just unilaterally commit to what they're doing#like it's not complexity that i shy away from at all#but nothing feels more limpdick to me than something that kneecaps its own message to provide a larger avenue for artiste interpretation#all the supposed interpretations of the shining are limited imo by the fact that none of them seem to be baked in as the dedicated thought#i'm all for niche interpretations#and i dont think author intent is The One True Interpretation#but I think a story should be consistent enough that interpretations can be very strong even if they werent the authors intent#or the inconsistencies should be part of the interpretation#which does seem to happen with the shining dgmw#idk#it feels like a very 'why are the curtains blue' movie. and i actually really love symbol interpretation and whatnot like that!!#i just like. when it is more cohesive. i hate when it feels like its being purposefully waylaid#im sure some shining fans may find this take highly degenerate but thats their problem#if youre going to do an abstract interprative piece#the main meat should still stand strongly on its own#and it just didnt feel like the shining's did for me
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every time i think the inks are gonna be Really hard the colours are harder.. always there to keep me in check hvfsh
#just me hi#screw colours hfvhs#yea i could just skip it but this is a very busy piece it needs cohesion#but the colours are not Helping !!#i'm all over the wheel and i hate doing that. sigh#/i also HATE drawing bookshelves more than anything i've decided#the double lines the everything you have to put on them the funky colours you have to use and then i can never get the right shade and it's#always too dark??? bookshelves suck at every step hfshvf#most things if i wanna draw them i just will. but bookshelves?? Bookshelves??? evil evil object that was never designed with the artist in#mind and i think everyone's lives would improve if we replaced them with a large hole in any room that needs one or more#like listen man but i'm pretty sure the bottomless hole is a better storage system than those damn shelves. it doesn't collect dust (that#you can see)‚ it won't break‚ it lets out a nice breeze now and then‚ you don't have to bother with anything you put down there again‚ it#doubles as storage And garbage. what Can't it do!! it's even a storm drain for your house !!#and if we ignore the sounds of the tectonic plates shifting down there it's like the most perfect thing ever. aside from children prolly#falling in often#this thing Barely has a kill-count !! :D#//anyway. i have things i'm sposed to be doing rn lol#so toOdleS
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my sister made me watch shadow and bone i didnt expect to like it and yet
#first of all loved the costume design#the costume design is SO GOOOOOD#i mean i dont know that much about costume design but god#i was unsettled by their coats being called kefta the whole time cuz that's just the arabic word for ground meat i'm pretty sure#i was like. a caftan? is that what you mean? please just say a caftan i cant keep thinking about ground meat#the embroidery <3#the cohesive diversity of the costumes <3#it all felt very.. real? like the costumes felt immersive#the darkling was unbearable i hated the way he spoke i dont even care that [redacted] i wanted him to die the whole time for being annoying#baghra i love you inej i love you alina i love you mal i love you#jesper u were annoying at first but u kinda grew on me#nina and matthias i love you#i've only seen S1 for now and i dont think i'll watch S2 right now
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idk how much clearer i can make "i cannot talk to people" to my dad bc no matter how much i try to express the fact that it either makes me cry or makes my throat close up to the point that i can barely get words out + my tongue feels glued to the roof of my mouth he just tells me i'm "thinking about it wrong" and that THAT'S the problem like.... this is not a voluntary reaction. "it's over zoom so it's fine" the inperson-ness is not the issue i started crying doing a customer service chat yesterday i literally don't know how to make you understand🧍🏻♀️
#like i get the shakes writing emails. what's not clicking#'change your mindset' this is like when i told my parents i used to only get nervous Right when i was doing auditions and they just told me#i needed to relax like wow thanks <3 i'm not choosing to be like this it's literally not an active thought process it's just Happening#WHICH IS WHAT HAPPENS NOW TOO#like sure if i think about it beforehand i can psych myself out but even if i don't i Just Cannot Do It it's like something is running in#the background#bc i am doing something else when it happens so that's the thing i'm actively thinking about!! why do we not understand that!!#'change your mindset' i'm going to start snapping i truly am#i understand being able to talk to people and ask questions is important but i CAN'T and you're not helping me overcome the issue#sorry but 'just do it more' is not helpful in this situation. like at all. I gave myself a sore throat recording a presentation during#zoomuniversity and i was recording it alone in my room... my throat closed up to the point i could barely speak#how do you not understand how genuinely difficult stuff like this is for me. it isn't something i can push through when i have a physical#reaction that gradually makes it impossible to do so and bc it makes it so hard for me to even form words it makes me look like i'm actuall#incapable of forming cohesive thoughts#it isn't helpful for me to be like 'just talk to this person' it really just isn't
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smau request- maaaybe tomura trying to convince reader to wake up and hang with him super late bc he’s def a night owl & they end up staying up until sunrise; flirtation & heavy petting etc as we love to see it
i wrote this at 2am my brain is fried but waow loser/slightly more confident shiggy ily+ enjoy this mix of written and smau <3
twilight zone // tomura shigaraki
"oh my fucking god, knock much?" tomura exclaims, spinning around towards you in his swivel chair.
"shut up." you yawn, rubbing your eyes away from the bright PC screen illuminating the room. "like you weren't expecting me or something."
from his desk, tomura watches you click the door behind you and crawl into his bed. you pull the comforter up to your chin and nestle into his mattress as if he was the one that intruded on you in his own bedroom.
"wasn't half-sure if you were even going to come." he murmurs before shutting down his PC, diminishing the only light source in the room.
you feel the bed shift beside you as he stiffly lays down. "might as well light some candles too while you're at it." you tease.
despite how groggy you sounded, tomura could hear you signature smirk in your voice- the one that never failed to irritate the fuck out of him. he hadn't thought this far ahead- wasn't even expecting you to respond to him this late at all. all he could think about was how quick his late-night confidence was dwindling into nothing, making him squirm a bit in his own bed.
"i'd prefer to not have to look at your face." he mutters.
owch.
you don't respond. the exhaustion was ready to take over once your head hit the pillow. you think about the last time you had been in his bed like this.
it was about a month ago when you found yourself too drunk to even form a cohesive sentence. he didn't understand what you were blabbering about, but once he saw your swollen lips, flushed cheeks, glossy eyes, and handle of whiskey under your arm, he just assumed the worst.
you were drunk, touch starved, and desperate, but of course he knew better than to let you sloppily smash your lips into his like you intended two when you stumbled into his doorway. he spent that night half asleep in his gaming chair, periodically reaching over to make sure you were still breathing with his trash can pulled up next to your side of the bed.
once you sobered up the next day, he scolded you. relentlessly. strings of obscenities dripping from his mouth.
from that point on, he made sure to always find a way to keep you two at bay- something that he himself wasn't even sure how to go about. elbow nudges. kicking your feet under the dining room table. laying your legs over his lap on the couch without you asking. pats on shoulder. all to make sure that night never repeated- unsure if he could handle you throwing yourself all over him again.
"are you fucking falling asleep?" you feel a jolt on your shoulder as he shakes you awake. "wake up."
"i'm tired." you whine.
"well stop. i didn't invite you here to sleep in my bed." he huffs.
"the fucks got you up, then?"
"nothing."
you go silent for a moment.
"don't be annoying or else i'll leave." you deadpan.
"don't ask stupid questions then." he returns the attitude. "isn't it obvious? i can't sleep. can't even game right now. i just want to..." he voice falters at the end.
"...hang out with you, i guess."
oh.
your jaw slightly gapes open in surprise, spikes of heat crawling up your neck.
you tightly grip the fabric of the comforter. "well, when you say it like that, it sounds like you actually like me." you chuckle.
"didn't say that. we live together. bothering you is my only option."
"lucky you, i love when you bother me." you scoot closer, noses onto a few inches away from one another. "and even more when i bother you."
"yeah, i know. it's like you can't resist me or something." he pulls the comforter up over his mouth, shyly muffling his words.
"i should be thanking you then, right? thank you so much, tomu, for letting me lay in your bed with you. please. i want you. i need you. it's all i can think about when i'm just across the hall from you. " you roll your eyes.
he scoffs. "wouldn't be the first time you were pathetically begging for me either."
"as if." you spit. "i'd never."
"but you have."
a beat of silence passes. you press your lips together as hotness comes over your body while the events of that night surges back to you.
"you said you'd never bring that up again." you clench your teeth, cringing at the memory of tomura retelling that night's endeavors to you the morning after.
"needed to humble you a bit." he chuckles. "told you it's not a big deal though if you're still embarrassed about it."
"no shit, i'm still embarrassed." you tug the covers up to your nose. "i tried getting at you and you rejected me. i'll never live that down, tomu."
tomura goes quiet for a moment. he must've been thinking. he does that often- retreat back into his head when he isn't sure about what else to say. or maybe he had finally fallen asleep.
you glanced over his shoulder to the analog clock sitting on his desk.
4:27AM.
it was late- or early. maybe these past few sleepless nights had finally caught up to him, hopefully to save you from having to relive an embarrassing moment.
to him, tomura's brain was malfunctioning. crashing. blue screen error.
"uh. wait." he begins, breaking the silence. "reject' isn't the right word. you were drunk. i just did what anyone else would have."
"call it what you want. i just wanted a smooch and you weren't with it. it's whatever, i'm over it, you heartbreaker." you dramatically sigh.
"well, i'll give you one now if it'll get you to shut up."
it was your turn to error and crash now.
"really?" your eyes widen.
tomura's breathing stops. he wasn't sure what gave him the confidence to say that outloud. maybe it was because he couldn't clearly see your face. it was almost like you weren't there- like he was speaking out into the void that made it so easy for those words to slip out.
he didn't mean it. right?
"yeah."
fuck.
"-if you want though." he quips.
please shut the fuck up.
"last month wasn't a rejection. i just didn't want you to only want me when you're drunk, you know."
stop talking.
"but you're sober now and we're talking about it and i just-"
your lips crash into his. it catches you off guard as much as it does to him. despite how much you enjoyed listening to him ramble out his nervousness, you couldn't risk losing another opportunity to kiss him.
your hands crawl up to the side of his neck, rubbing the tender skin below his jaw as you draw him closer to you. the floodgates have opened now. tomura met your lips with the same eagerness.
you were pressed up against one another, legs intertwined, sharing a breath and heartbeats as your hands glided over each other's bodies.
your stomach was twisting with anxiety. how long had you been waiting for this moment? all of those shy glances around the apartment, subtle touches, and hidden affections had clearly not gone unnoticed.
his hand runs from the nape of your neck to your lower back where he slips his hand under your shirt, causing you to pull away in surprise from the sudden contact.
"your hands are freezing, tomu." you gasped. "what the fuck?"
"sorry." he sheepishly mutters against your lips. he keeps his hand against the soft skin of your back, lightly rubbing the area as an apologetic gesture as it warms against your body.
"sorry." you repeat, humiliation starting to creep up your neck as you two settle with the realization of what line you two had just crossed.
a beat of silence passes.
"um. so." he coughs.
"so...yeah." you respond.
it wasn't long before you two started giggling to one another like a couple of children.
"shut up." you laugh, hiding your face into the pillow.
"guess i did say you coukd have anything you want if you came over." he breathlessly chuckles.
"please. shut. up." you squeak out. "i'm going to sleep. it's already like..." you peer over his shoulder. "almost 5:00AM, tomu. good fucking night."
you turn around, letting your back face him. you could die right now. melt into this mattress and into nothing. thank god it was dark and thank god he shared this humiliation with you.
he slings his arm around your waist, bringing himself flushed against your back.
"i'm not tired." he mumbles into the back of your neck, peppering kisses into the soft skin. "stay up with me."
you mentally kick yourself. because you do- not that there was much left of the night to get through, anyways, but because when the night's haze dissipates, you'll be dealt with a bigger issue that you wouldn't be able to pass off as a drunken mistake.
#*light a cigarette* yeah.#mha#boku no hero academia#bnha#my hero academia#bnha x reader#mha x reader#mha smau#tomura shigaraki x reader#shigaraki tomura x reader#tomura x reader#shigaraki x reader#shigaraki tomura#tomura shigaraki#mha shigaraki#shigaraki tenko#mha tenko#mha tomura#shigaraki smau#tomura shigaraki mha#tomura smau
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pls tell me u will write a part 2 for not alone?🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
took me a while to get this to feel cohesive (also couldn't decide for the longest time what I wanted the outcome to be for a few people so that took a while to figure out) and I'm still not 100% sure it reads cohesively but I hope you all like it <3
poly!marauders x fem!reader who they are 'worried' about...whatever that means [2.2k words]
part 1 | part 2 | part 3
CW: hostage situation, attempted overtaking of camp, brief and hardly noticeable implied suggestion of SA, death of minor and unnamed character, blood, injury, Sirius being an arrogant son of a bitch even when his life is at risk
You have quickly come to realise why the boys chose this location to set up camp since agreeing to stay with them.
It was in a rural, secluded area with a small population prior to the End Of The World As You Knew It which left it almost next to empty now, but it was still in walking distance of a small town with various shops that they could pilfer when they began running low on supplies.
There was a creek about half a kilometre behind the barn that they could use to collect drinking water and also to bathe and wash their clothes.
And need to bathe and wash your clothes did you ever.
So, whilst “keeping an eye on the encampment” (which was really just a polite translation of none of the boys trusting you enough with their safety to bring you along on a run into town), you opted to head down to the creek to clean up.
The water was freezing, but you breathed through the pain in your toes and fingers as you waded into the water, reminding yourself that feeling pain meant you were alive - that you were still here.
You used to fear pain - before - but now you almost craved it; now you found comfort in the discomfort, knowing that it meant you had survived another day.
Soon enough your body acclimated to the cool, running water and you submerged yourself into the deepest part to let the steady flow wash away the layers of grime, dirt, and sweat that you were likely covered in.
There was a time in your life you probably would have felt rather horrified that three very attractive men had seen you in such a state - but it seemed that there was no room for vanity or ego in an apocalypse.
Once you were cold enough that you were sure you had squiggle lines surrounding your being like an old cartoon character, you used a rock to scrub at your clothes, feeling (though cold) quite peaceful as you listened to the trickling water and various birds singing around you.
You laid your soaked clothes on a boulder in the sun to dry and pulled on a second set of clothes - or rather, your only other set of clothes. You wondered for a moment if you should have more - how many sets of clothes should one have in an apocalypse? You couldn’t bear the thought of having to carry around a third change of clothes, so came to the conclusion that you were fine with just the two.
You were interrupted in your musings when you heard your name being shouted.
“James?” You called back, hastily finishing tying your shoes before grabbing your gun.
But it was Sirius you saw first, sprinting through the bushes and staring at you with a mixture of dread and outrage.
“Is everything okay?” You asked him as he stalked towards you.
“Where the fuck were you?!” He barked instead of answering, looking like he was just itching to grab you roughly by your shoulders.
“I- what? I was here? What happened? Is everything okay?” You continued, not moving your eyes from the fuming man in front of you as you heard James and Remus step through the bushes Sirius had just come bursting through.
“No, everything is not okay; the fuck were you thinking just taking off and not saying anything!?” He berated you.
“Pads.” Remus warned carefully; slightly breathless from chasing the long-haired man over to you.
“You’re a fucking piece of work.” Sirius spat with finality before turning and shouldering his way past Remus and James, disappearing through the bushes on his way towards the barn.
“Was the trip not successful?” You asked quietly once you could no longer hear Sirius storming away.
“No… it was.” James offered cautiously.
“He was just… worried about you, dove.” Remus placated.
You shot him an unimpressed glare. “He was worried about me, not about me.” You muttered back, shoving your gun back into your bag and running your fingers through your wet hair that was leaving damp patches on your shirt. “If you guys don’t want me here, just say so, but if you’re going to keep me around you’re going to have to start trusting me.”
“We do trust you.” James argued, causing you to scoff derisively as you slung your bag over your shoulder.
“Not enough to join anyone on excursions! And not enough to take a night-watch shift alone; but sure, add taking a fucking bath to the list of things you definitely trust me to do.”
You didn’t wait for a response before you were stalking back to the barn, leaving your clothes behind to dry for the rest of the afternoon.
You were just about to push through the slightly open door (none too gently, either, mind you) when you heard Sirius’ voice.
“There’s no one else; I’m alone.”
Ice cold dread seeped into your bones as you held your breath in wait for a response.
“Are ya now?” A cocky voice taunted. “This seems like quite the setup for one bloke.”
You crept along the edge of the barn until you found a hole you could peek through.
Sirius was kneeling with his hands up in surrender whilst three men stood before him - one man loomed over him and the other two formed a blockade between him and the barn door as well as the stairs to the loft.
“What can I say?” Sirius countered. “I’m quite the bloke.”
The man currently interrogating Sirius was apparently not interested in his haughty quips and slammed the butt of his rifle into Sirius’ jaw, causing him to fall over.
You quickly looked over your shoulder, ears straining to see if you could hear Remus or James following you back, and you prayed to a God that you weren’t even sure you believed in anymore that they had decided to stay at the creek to give the two of you a chance to cool down.
You crept back along the side of the building slowly before pulling yourself up the ladder to the hay hood that Remus had put up as an emergency exit.
You could kiss that brilliant, brilliant man right on the mouth for it now.
You crouched low and snuck over to look beyond the edge of the loft; the man with the rifle was the only one with a firearm from what you could see, the other two men holding only a crowbar and machete.
You silently opened your rucksack, pulled your gun out and put a knife between your teeth as you edged closer to the beams so you were effectively standing directly atop of the man currently looming over top of Sirius.
“I’m not gonna ask you again, where the fuck are the others?” He spat at him.
“We heard the lot of you arguing - we could just finish you off and go looking for them, if that’s what you prefer.” One of the cronies added tauntingly.
“You’d be looking for an awful long time.” Sirius grunted as he spat blood out from his mouth. “Seeing as I’m alone.”
“Stop fucking lying.” The interrogator barked as he landed a kick to Sirius’ ribs. “Pretentious or not, one bloke doesn’t need four sleeping bags.”
“How do you know I, hmph, didn’t find it like this?” Sirius choked out as he rolled onto his back where he spotted you in the rafters.
You brought your finger to your lips, and Sirius let his head roll back towards the guy so as to not alert him to your presence.
You watched as one of the guys - the one with the machete - started poking around the makeshift kitchen area, and the other moved towards the door to keep watch.
Taking the split attention of the group to your advantage, you waited for Sirius to look back up at you before you jumped from the rafters.
Sirius rolled out of the way just before you landed on the interrogator, the two of you crashing to the ground - though you were the only one prepared for the impact - causing the rifle to slip out of his grasp which you kicked towards Sirius.
You slipped the knife from between your teeth and held it against the interrogators throat and pointed your gun at the machete wielding man, firing a shot which hit him in the right shoulder.
The man with the crowbar who had been stationed near the door made for you when Sirius shot the rifle, the bullet grazing the man's thigh and bringing him to his knees.
Your ears rang when an elbow met your temple right before a fist connected with your mouth as the interrogator forced you off of him.
“Is this why you were lying?” The man spat as he stood above you. “Trying to keep this thing all to yourse-”
Sirius shot the rifle again, silencing the interrogator for good as he fell to the ground with a thud.
Apparently, the machete wielding man didn’t deign to wait around and see how things played out after you’d shot him in the shoulder and had fucked back off from whence he came, so you and Sirius pointed your firearms at the last man still standing (or… you know, breathing at least) who seemed to have the sense to raise his hands in surrender.
Remus and James appeared at the barn door, then - both winded from clearly having run at the sound of shots being fired - to find the two of you holding the remaining captor captive.
“Nice of you to come by, boys.” Sirius joked as he lowered the rifle with a pained groan now that Remus and James each had a weapon pointed at the attempted usurper.
“What the fuck just happened?” Remus barked as he took in the body on the ground and the state of each of you at the same time James murmured “we thought you were firing at each other”.
“Oh, take a wild guess.” Sirius muttered bitterly, hissing in pain as he lowered himself into a chair.
“How many were you?” Remus barked at the man, sounding so unlike himself that it actually made you flinch.
“Fo-four, four of us and a 12 year-old. Us…three and then a woman and the child stayed back.” He responded quickly.
“From around here?” James continued.
“No…passing through.”
Remus looked up from him to share a look with Sirius; a well practiced silent conversation passing between the two of them.
“Keep fucking moving then.” Remus gruffed as he grabbed the bloke by the collar of his shirt and threw him out the door.
Your - for all intents and purposes - home fell eerily silent then, save the sound of your attempted assailant’s leg dragging along the gravel road as he stumbled away from the barn.
“You alright?” Remus asked finally as he let out a breath.
“Fine, moons. Never better.” Sirius muttered.
You were too busy watching the blood pooling around the interrogators body to realise your companions were waiting for your response.
You looked up at the lingering silence to see all of their eyes on you.
“M’fine.” You offered.
James hummed in acknowledgement, though you could sense disbelief in his tone. “Rem and I will get rid of him, okay? Please try not to get into any more altercations whilst we’re gone?” He tried to joke, but there was a lingering anxiety in his voice as he and Remus began wrapping the body up in a blue tarp.
“Do not go to sleep until we’re back; either of you.” Remus added before muttering something under his breath about concussions and how someone not concussed ought to be on watch in case they come back, except “they” was replaced with “those” and then some Welsh word that you were sure was simply very unflattering.
Once they had left, you and Sirius sat in silence as you both grappled with what had just happened, and alternatively, what had just almost happened.
You weren’t sure what you might have looked like - though the metallic taste of your teeth let you know that you at the very least had a busted lip - but Sirius’ jaw where the rifle had hit him was already turning a purple colour, his chin was scraped and bleeding from hitting the concrete flooring, and he had a protective hand placed over the ribs that were kicked.
You wordlessly placed a bowl of water in front of Sirius before moving to your seat with your own bowl to clean the blood from your persons.
You could feel his eyes trained on you as you wiped away blood that was staining your face; likely equal parts your own and someone else's.
“Don’t go down to the river alone… please.” You heard him say quietly suddenly, feeling your eyes roll to the back of your head as you let your two arms fall from their tasks.
“Are you still on this? Haven’t I proven my trustworthiness yet? Honestly, I-”
“It’s not safe.” Sirius interrupted; a strange look crossing his face as his brows furrowed at you. “It’s not safe.” He repeated, quieter this time.
He stood abruptly then; abandoning his bowl of water and grabbing a pack of cigarettes before disappearing around the side of the barn for a smoke.
Oh.
So apparently he had been worried about you, not about you.
And though you really wanted to feel embarrassed that they had picked anything like that out for you, you also couldn’t help but notice that a new jumper, trousers, and some knickers had been folded and placed on your sleeping bag for you.
#marauders era#marauders au#marauders fanfiction#reader insert#self insert#remus lupin#james potter#sirius black#the marauders#marauders#poly!marauders#poly!marauders x reader#poly!marauders x you#poly!marauders imagine#poly!marauders blurb#poly!marauders fic#poly!marauders ficlet#poly!marauders angst#zombie au#zombie apocalypse#zombie apocolypse au#remus lupin x reader#remus lupin x you#sirius black x reader#sirius black x you#james potter x reader#james potter x you#poly!marauders drabble#ellecdc fics
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Bachelors distracting you!
Stardew Valley Bachelors x reader
You need to get work done but they want your attention, and one way or another, they will get it :3
Not proofread, and not very cohesive between characters. Tried to keep it Canon. May or may not have succeeded.
Sam
"No, babe, a new season just started I have to get going on my crops!"
• Would definitely pout and try and hold your hand to prevent you from leaving the house
• As you got out your money and some leftover seeds from last year, he would (not so sneakily) get out his guitar
• He would then start playing a brand new song for you
• Like. Has been saving it for something, and it wasn't quite done, but he just had to get you to stay!
• Then when you tried asking him about it, he would say "no, I'm sorry, I have to work on this song more!"
• Basically mocking you from earlier saying you had to work haha
• This would successfully get you for like an hour, it makes him happy.
Alex
You were bustling around town, and he wanted you to talk to him, even if just for a bit!
• As soon as he saw you enter town he started lifting weights.
• And the more he saw you enter and leave buildings he started using heavier ones, trying to get you to think he is soooooo impressive.
• Eventually when you come to his house BUT DONT TALK TO HIM (how dare you/j) he does that jock boy thing where he wipes his sweat with his shirt
• A cocky bastard (affectionate) who just wants to see you flustered and pause for a second to admire him.
• Yeah. That definitely distracts you as you leave.
(God he is such a dude bro (affectionate-))
Sebastian
You were busy doing work around the farm, and he wanted attention but didn't want to outwardly bother your day.
• Ngl he would either work on his motorcycle purely because he knows you think it's hot, or he would play his synthesizer.
• Depends on how confident he is feeling that day, but he knows both of those need to be done eventually anyways!
• He rarely practices his synth, and knows it fascinates you.
• It's just so cool he knows how to play it!!
• If he works on his motorcycle, you just watch because you are trying to figure out what he is doing
• You want to be able to actually know what he is talking about when he tells you about it later!
• Either way, he knows he grabbed your attention for a little bit, and that's enough for him
• Definitely would not be up in your face about it tho, he is very low key about like. Everything-
Harvey
• Wouldn't try to distract you from your farming or anything
• Knows how important your job is
• Would however distract you from menial activities like reading or watching TV if you haven't given him enough attention that day
• Would start cooking
• Like something he knows you really like, but also smells so it would get your attention
• Also plays music. Like some early 2000s girly pop music. He loves that stuff but doesn't play it often because he thinks it's embarrassing he likes it (it isn't I love that shit)
• But yeah that grabs your attention from whatever you were doing
Shane
• Starts bringing the chickens outside of the coup!
• Knows you think they are cute
• And he knows you think he is cute when he is taking care of the animals
• Plus it's also practical for him to do animal stuff so you can farm
• But yeah he doesn't really want a lot of attention, just wants to see you smile for a bit!
Elliott
He just wanted to see your face stick around for a little longer! Didn't want you to go, even when he knew you had work to do.
• Would play his piano!
• Works like a charm because he always has something new
• You wonder when he has the time to practice new pieces all the time
• You sit next to him for a bit, leaning on his shoulder
• After he finishes the song, he let's you go back to whatever you were doing.
• He got in enough time with you for now, but he would make sure to get all of your attention later
An* I had like no ideas for Harvey and Shane. Sorry if they are kinda clunky- This was mostly inspired by my ideas for Sam and Alex, but this was fun to write!! Also, these lowkey make no sense, and they weren't proofread, so just take the concepts loosely and run with it! :)
Rasmodius, aka The Wizard (by request)
I imagine that this would be when you stopped by to visit him but had to leave to go work. Like y'all weren't living together.
• Would use magic!
• A silent spell that makes little illusions around the room.
• He is a little shy, so like Sebastian or Harvey, he wouldn't outright say anything.
• But he makes everything so pretty you can't help but stare for a while.
• The lights danced near the ceiling, a mirage of all your favorite colors
• He gets your attention for a while, and it keeps him content until he sees you again :3
Masterlist
#sdv#sam#shane#sebastian#stardew valley#sdv x reader#sebastian x reader#stardew valley x reader#harvey#elliott#alex#sdv alex#sdv elliott#sdv sebastian#sdv shane#sdv harvey#sdv sam#sdv x farmer#girl idk what im doing haha#sdv rasmodius#m. rasmodius#rasmodius x reader
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FREAK・。♪ LN4
( lando norris x fem!reader )
IN WHICH. y/n is full of surprises and shows lando just how dirty she can be. (based on this ask)
WARNINGS. 18+, MINORS DNI, reader x brother'sbsf!lando, riding, mentions of sex toys, high hotness part 3464476, lando is lowkey in love with the reader, getting caught... but not really getting caught.
NOTE. my dearest anon requested and i HAD to write this. my last high!lando installment probably for a while because the summer is coming to an end 😭 i do have one more other fic coming tho, so stay tuned. anyways enjoy luvss <3 also credit to @lesbiacebian for the dividers.
"are you really slagging me off for your girlfriend?"
lando's voice is incredulous, syllables barely pristine as the weed in his head breaks down any cohesion left. the hand pinching the spliff falls to the bed as he sits up, staring at his unmoving best friend.
"she just texted me, i'm not gonna ditch her for you, lando, no offence."
"all taken," he grumbles, then moves to take a harsh inhale of his joint. he may be completely high out of his fucking wits, but he's certainly not pliable like that. he came to get so faded with his friend (and, second to name, supplier) that his brain would feel like it's being suspended over a grill and burned with smoke.
"well," lando sees him shrug half heartedly, "she's putting something on the line for her late night endeavours."
lando scoffs, taking another godforsaken drag. pussy, he thinks, he's getting fucking pussy.
"you're a nasty piece of shit, you know that?"
the boy ahead of him waves him off, "better start going mate, she'll be here any minute."
lando stares blankly at him for so long his eyes begin to unfocus, before he's shaking his head, sliding off the sheets. what a dickhead.
"fine whatever." he opens the door, taking an inhale and exhale of the joint wedged in his lips, and he descends the carpeted stairs with little sentience. his limbs feel dismembered and he can barely perceive the distance from on step to another, but he reaches the ground floor anyways, making his way to the living room.
he guessed he'd find her here, practically one with the couch and eyes welded to the tv screen glimmering with another uninteresting reality show.
the light's off, and considering he could barely walk in a straight line due to the blunt puffing out smoke from his mouth, he doesn't notice y/n turning towards him, pressing pause on the tv.
"lando, hey."
her voice is light, as if she's afraid of disturbing the night, and she swings her legs off the couch. lando subtly scrutinizes what she wears, a tight tank top, and equally as tight shorts, and he begins to feel blood rush to his dick.
"hey," he smirks with the blunt still in his mouth, and shuffles towards the now empty space beside the girl who had him thinking with his dick. he forces the thoughts away, he's not acquainted with the whole corruption kink thing, and y/n screams bloody virgin.
"what brings you here, high out of your mind?" she's staring intensely, as if a blink would make him vanish, grinning light-heartedly.
lando chuckles, taking a long drag, "your brother wanted to get laid, and i'm sure not a voyeurist."
even the thought of it makes y/n grimace, "point made," she curls her legs back unto the couch as lando's eyes follow her.
it's not long before the sound of the doorbell ringing shrills once, dragged until the duration of it could barely hit it being a nuisance. y/n's brother tumbles down the stairs, opening the door with much vigour before dragging her up the stairs with hurrief footsteps. the whole ordeal plays out with silence between y/n and lando, hearing the ruckus with barely concealed amusement, and is cut dead once the bedroom door slams.
"i do not want to hear all that," y/n groans, "his room is right above this one."
"happens when you're pussy whipped like him," lando huffs out a cloud of smoke, "forget who the fuck is around."
"you know you can... go back home," y/n's sceptical, and rightfully so because lando has no idea why he's staying. nevertheless, he makes up an incomplete incentive that sounded valid only in his head.
"i know, but i'm high as fuck and walking in this heat home... yeah no."
his neck flexes as he sucks in as much weed as he can, and y/n watched avidly. something about seeing lando at the mercy of his inhibitions, eyes so red that wherever he looks, he paints it crimson, and lips selling his soul away to the strings of smoke. he's too out if it to notice y/n's assessment, with his head sunken into the couch behind him, and it makes the girl laugh.
"you're gone, aren't you?"
lando does nothing but smirk affirmatively, before limply taking another drag.
"and i could definitely do with a bed to sleep on," he pushes a sound out of his throat, "your brother... fucker, he is."
"for sure," y/n agrees then shuffles to get up, patting lando's thigh. he flitters his eyes open in surprise, diluted, however, because of his lack of level headedness, "what?"
"just this once, i'll give you my bed."
"really?" the word is chipped between his teeth from the burn scarred into the back of his throat.
"yeah," she smiles. lando pretends he doesn't feel his heart grin with her.
"i'm feeling nice today."
he stands up, stretches and feels his joints scream out inexplicable noises. the bed seems like paradise now.
"oh mint, thank you."
receiving a hum in return, he follows the girl up the stairs, praying that his legs don't give way. his mind dozes off as they get to the landing, and it's only when he trails behind her inside, on autopilot, and she shuts the door, does his conscience focus like accomodating vision.
"i need to go the bathroom, one sec."
his mind has one whiplash after another as he process her rapid disappearance, before tuning back into the room. it's tame, like any young adult room would be, with half-wave plant bunting snaking around her room. her headboard, however, glows white, abd he figures it's from the leds stuck under the rim.
he walks up to the bedside tableand picks up a small framed picture of her and her brother. young, they were, standing side by side with identical sunglasses on. he smiles, then situates it back.
the drawer beneath is open, just enough for him to slip his hand through and open it, but of everything he could presume to find, he does not expect to meet a clear purple dildo, thicker and longer than biologically possible. he feels like there's a broken wire in his brain, hanging and tickling just where it triggers his dick to harden.
he doesn't know why he's enthralled by it, staring at the phallic toy as if it would magically display the images of it being pushed and pressed into y/n, but then he finds himself wishing so. corruption was never his thing, but now it doesn't have to be. because y/n is already debauched from the hot inside, to the deceiving out.
he stands there, idle, and it pushes a huff of laughter from behind him.
"you can get in the bed, lando," she pronounces like he's a formative infant. but he's not moving.
"what is this, y/n?"
he can't see her face fall, confused, but he hears it in the way she speaks, "what?"
then he's storming to her, standing just before her with a burning look. y/n's not stupid, can tell the way he's turned on but whatever he's seen, if not by the way his eyes flick down to her lips, then by the bulge that pokes her peripheral vision, and it's that her eyes widen in shock.
"oh fuck."
"oh fuck indeed," he takes a final drag before quelling it on the desk behind her, "who knew you were shoving 8 inch dildos up your pussy?"
y/n knows where to push his buttons, get the heat rising like a flood of lava just before it turns into a battle of who will give in first?
her arms are wrapping themselves around his shoulders, pulling him in, "and who knew," a hand, calculative and slow, slides down to press the hard on in his jeans, "you would get turned on by it?"
then he's kissing her, hard, wet, messy, with tongues and soft lips eager for each other like they were quenching years of thirst. lando takes everything that y/n gives him, lapping at her tongue and biting at her lips with unrestricted composure.
she's pushing him back, hands scrambling on his top to get it off, and when she does, gives him a final nudge to the chest that has him flying to the bed.
he smirks up at her, watching as she dwindles to nakedness and lando thinks that he can't be seeing this. y/n, in front of him, stripping as if it's a private show, with her brother just a few doors down. it's fucking filthy, and makes him hot all over.
"you gonna suck me off?"
he'd found a way, though he feels semi paralyzed, to rid himself of his jeans, slowly jerking his dick as precum begins to trickle down his skin.
"want to, but i need your dick inside me," y/n says, all breathy and pent up, causing lando to groan as she crawls her way up his thighs.
"fuck, you're gonna kill me." his heart is accelerating in his chest, the libido in him heightens as y/n chuckles at him and takes his dick out of his own hand and he feels completely brainless.
"you ready?"
all he can muster is a nod, and then hot fucking tightness. their moans are akin in volume, elastic and lewd, and as y/n slips further down, lando's dick feels completely rock hard and throbs as he swears every gallon of his blood pools at his cock.
"fucking hell, you're tight, y/n," his mouth feels wet and dry simultaneously and he squeezes his eyes shut as she begins to roll her hips and press down hard.
she bounces and grinds like she's meant for it, and lando can't process that sweet, innocent y/n is bouncing on his dick, squeezing him like she wants to keep him there.
his hands grip her ass, thrusting upwards to meet her hips and the cacophony of slapping skin snaps any vocal composure in him. lando moans like he's being eaten by pleasure itself and y/n grinds and grinds and grinds.
"fuck, lando," her head is thrown back like it's completely broken, and lando preens.
"you're so fucking good for me, y/n, keep going," he can't hold back, feels his hands grip her hips and her ass careening into his thighs with every bounce and, fuck, it's so dirty and so good.
y/n looks slutted out, debauched as she splits herself on his cock. it sends lando tipping over the edge, about to cum fast and deep, when a harsh knocking pounds into the door.
they both freeze, panting as sweat licks heat into their flesh.
"for fuck's sake, keep it down! some people are trying to sleep!"
it's shortly followed by angry footsteps and a slam of a door.
lando, still hard and pulsating in y/n's cunt, has a face of bewilderment, "shit— i forgot he was there."
y/n turns back, smirking, and slowly rolling her hips again, "and continue to do so. now fuck me, lando."
#‧₊˚✩彡 planete.thinks: high!lando#lando norris fic#lando norris#lando norris x reader#lando norris smut#lando norris x y/n#formula one x you#formula one x y/n#formula one x reader#formula 1#f1 imagine#f1 fic
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"You drive me crazy."
Obsessed! Nikto x Reader
Word count: 2472
Nikto's POV! Sporadic uses of "Y/N" — otherwise, reader is referred as "You".
To say that Nikto is obsessed with you would be an understatement 😵💫...
Nikto's psychological state gradually deteriorates as you read!
Google Translate Russian lmao 💀,, please forgive any errors! 😟
Edit: Realising that this fic is darker than my usual works. Warning my readers for darker content!
Edit 2: Added the appropriate "dark content" tags. <3
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I'm crazy: I don't think I needed to say, yes?
I know it. We know it. Everyone else knows it.
I've lost my mind long ago. We're losing it as we speak. I've lost myself long ago and I have not known what to do with ourselves.
Of course, not all was lost. I was cleared for service. I can approach situations without hesitation or uncertainty — but most importantly, kill methodically.
All I need are targets. Just give me targets. Nothing else matters. Nobody.
But I found you. I found you. And you found us. Although there was nothing to find, you found us.
How? It's a mystery. An enigma. An unsolvable puzzle.
My name is Igor. Igor Vasilyevich Yurievich.
Игорь. Igor. I—gor. Two syllables. Four letters, in English. A not so common name in Russia, according to the statistics: in 1991 — the year of my birth — approximately 37 baby boys born were named as such. In 2021, only 17 baby boys born were named Igor. I would assume the number declines each year — maybe less than a dozen Igors were christened this year. Or a single digit. Nine. Eight. Seven. Or even less than five.
October 13, 1991 was my exact date of birth. I was born in Novgorod, when Russia was still the Soviet Union. I had parents. A sister…
…Yet that means nothing to me.
Igor Vasilyevich Yurievich? That is foreign. That is not anyone that I know of. I am Nikto. I am no one. Nobody to know, yet somebody that I know of. Not this… Igor. I am nobody. Никто.
When the voices are quiet, that's when I can silently mourn the man that I once was.
Though, can you mourn someone whom you don't know? Can you mourn the faceless person in the casket, whose face is unrecognisable? Can you mourn at a funeral that no one attended, and hadn't taken process?
I'm crazy: I don't think I needed to repeat it, yes?
I knew it. We knew it. Everyone else knew it.
But you didn't. You. You.
You… remind me of someone.
They're dead now.
They were just a target. Too bad I can't remember who they were.
But you're not. You're more than a target.
You treated me with kindness when everyone avoided me like the bubonic plague. A Black Death following the death of the former Igor Vasilyevich Yurievich and the black, black blackness lingering — a reminder. But not anything that allows us to remember, or reminds us of who we once were.
I don't remember anything. I don't remember anyone. Photographs of my family before the torture are irrelevant. Documents stamping my existence could just as easily make us inexistent. Nobody exists any more aside from Nikto.
A cacophony of voices has infiltrated my brain. Our brain. We will never be me anymore. We are who we are now.
I am a broken man. I hear the voices of many men, who won't let me sleep, won't leave me be, won't give me peace. I was one of those men. Maybe all of the men are me?
But if all of them are me, and I am all of them, then who are we? What are we?
Then again… who I am is nothing. What I are is everything. What we are — crazy.
The pieces of the puzzle aren't fully there. Surely you must have been aware, my treasure?
You were doing your due diligence to arrange the puzzle pieces, so meticulously and with dedication, devoting hours of your time and wishing for the finished product to be cohesive, but you won't find that within us. How unfortunate.
Some of the pieces are missing. Some of them don't even fit. What you're left with is an incomplete picture — one which will never be completed.
No matter. You can be the missing puzzle piece, yes?
My fellow operatives named me Никто — “Nikto”, meaning “Nobody” or “No-one” in Russian — for… what did they say? My “uncanny ability to replicate other people and hide [my] true identity”? Ironic — seeing as replicating an identity is not the same as claiming your own, and being an individual. Having an actual identity, as opposed to being forced to think that being nobody can suffice.
Funny. I was apparently religious before all of this.
Have you heard of Orthodox Christianity? It's a branch of Christianity most often practised in Eastern Europe, in case you weren't aware. Orthodox Christians believe that Jesus redeemed humanity by sacrificing himself through crucifixion — unlike Catholics, who believe that Jesus sacrificing himself through crucifixion was all in an effort to redeem humanity.
Perhaps I was an altar boy in my childhood. Or wore a cross around my neck. Maybe I was devoted, and prayed in the morning, before a meal for grace, in the night, before a mission for mercy, during a mission out of desperation, and after a mission as gratitude.
Such bullshit.
Obviously, God doesn't exist — not in the ethereal, omniscient sense.
Oh no.
The God is You. You are my God.
Just like with Orthodox Christianity, and the salvation of humanity after the sacrifice of Jesus, your presence, your mere existence, was salvation. You brought redemption unto us.
Of course, following my torture, God became an abstract concept. How could the Holy Father abandon me? How could my prayers after the tortue be so wilfully ignored? Why would he actively play a passive role in my damnation, as I'm burned, as I'm beaten, as I'm bruised, abused, cut, and mutilated?
No one was born a sinner. Not even me, this nobody. So what kind of retribution was this — a disfigured face, ruined body, and voices which infiltrated my psyche, words equivalent to the evil of the Antichrist?
But You? You made it worthwhile. Your kindness. Compassion. Charity. It was all worthwhile. Even to gaze at You from afar.
Well.
For the most part.
We have repented for our sins: stealing Your dirty laundry, Your hairbrush, Your t-shirts, and other trinkets which we deem Holy Relics; using Your lip balm without permission, You none the wiser; committing sinful acts in the comfort of your own bedroom, only for You to return, oblivious. We apologise for that nagging paranoia, demanding You to turn around, to catch a glimpse of the eyes staring at You, but You not noticing us when we were camouflaged in the shadows. For stalking You and learning Your schedule. For hacking into all of Your devices and acquiring every little piece of information available from Your digital footprints.
But, You forgive us, yes?
Don't look so horrified, dushka. We left no trace, yes? No evidence. You said You have forgiven all of our transgressions. Think of this as a confession, nothing more. Besides, we never tampered with You belongings. They're all still with us. Just like you will.
You are our oxygen. Without You, we can't breathe. Our lungs suffocate without Your natural scent to fill them, to keep us alive. Our eyes go blind with time without the sight of Your face, Your body. We can't hear anything other than Your voice — our ears tune out any frequencies and wavelengths that don't leave those pretty little lips, yet wage civil war amongst ourselves, spitting curses that cut like knives and pierce like bullets. And Your lips. And Your eyes. And Your eyebrows, hair, hands, neck, God — everything.
You won't abandon us, yes? You wouldn't abandon us, would you, мое сокровище? You are our treasure. I treasure you — all of us do: your pretty little lips, that speak in the softest of tones to us; those eyes that stare in slight fright, yet crinkle in as genuine of a smile as you can manage; those eyebrows that furrow over your bright eyes in the subtlest of frowns, in sorrow or frustration, maybe vexation — and that's just your face. What about your hair? Your hands? Your neck? Your body? What is there not to treasure?
Боже мой, Bozhe moy, my God. Oh God, it's as if an angel has descended and granted us salvation, a merciful deity absolving us of our sins and cleansing our soul. And both the angel and deity are You — working in perfect sync, so benevolent and forgiving, taking pity on a creature so pitiful, so ruined, so unfixable.
We can't remember what some of those was.
Those puzzle pieces, of course.
Zakhaev’s torture stole some of the pieces to the jigsaw, and the puzzle won't ever be solved. We ourselves interrogate, torture, eliminate, kill. Sometimes we dissociate. Other times I am completely in control. Yet all the time, we are committing sins, sins, sins.
And You forgive them. Forgive us.
Every prayer is us praying for you, to you, about you. And each one concludes with your sacred name, whispered in hushed tones as the syllables are too precious to utter out loud.
Poor, poor thing. You probably didn't even know what you were signing up for, did you? You probably intended to be charitable. Sympathetic. And you were, sweet one.
But you were naive to have assumed that we wouldn't become possessive of you like an unwanted stay mutt of its only bone. So innocent — perhaps stupid — but we like to think that you were misguided in your intentions, yet guided by some God.
An ignorant God? If You're the God to worship, then are You an ignorant one? An innocent, naive, and unconditionally loving one? Yet, one that, despite Their obliviousness, can knowingly soothe with a simple string of words? With a caress?
What an oxymoron. It suits You. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Aw. Are those tears, dushka? Let's wipe them, hmm? Kiss it better, yes? You will like our lips on you.
Don't scream. Don't hurt those vocal cords. We like the sound of your voice. We want you to talk.
There there, little one. You look beautiful when you cry, but you look most beautiful when you're smiling. Smile, hm? Do it for us. Your Nikto.
You don't have to be afraid, you know. Don't be afraid, krasotka. We love you.
Here, put your hand on our chest. Feel how our heart is beating? It beats only for you.
Our abdomen, our stomach. You feel how toned that is, yes? You feel the muscle?
What about our biceps? The strength in our forearms? They're all for you. We're all yours, yours yours yours.
Our blood looks good on you, dushka. The blood really accentuates your nails. But please, stop. Stop.
You don't have to scratch us, or scream. You know that none of that will change anything. You know that we will love you, even if you tell us you hate us. It's too late.
Get used to touching us, yes? What's left of us, anyways. Yes, our body won't be the most appealing, or the handsomest, but it's all for you. Every inch. All for you — just like how you are all ours.
You're ours, just as much as we belong to you. You could stab us with a knife and we'd smile. You could shoot us with a gun point-blank in the head and we'd thank you. What an honour it would be to live with you by your side, or die by your side. We're a dead man either way. Your dead man. Your Nikto.
You underestimated my capacity for violence. Or were perhaps too naive to understand it.
That's okay. Put your hand on my face. Just like that. See? Nothing to fear. It's just us. Your Nikto.
I can feel it shaking. Why do you shake so much, hm? Don't be afraid. There's nothing to be afraid of. You should know there's nothing to be afraid of. After all, you were fearless when it came to speaking to me, and weren't afraid to reach out to us. Surely you don't want to abandon us now?
That's too bad. You won't abandon us. We won't let you.
I'm crazy: I don't think I need to repeat it, yes?
I know it. We know it. Everyone else knows it.
You drive me crazy.
You drive me crazy.
You drive me crazy.
So crazy.
So, so crazy.
I am already crazy yes but it is You who drives me to insanity do You know that? Why do You deny? Do not deny us this yes? Yes You do know that it is You who makes me mad beyond return of course You do You've always known it and You know it now little one You're just pretending feigning ignorance with surprise in Your eyes. Why pretend that it was all a pretense? Your kindness? Your sympathy? Your company? It was not pretense to us no it was everything. Everything we could have hoped for prayed for and lived for.
You drive me crazy.
You drive me crazy.
You drive me crazy.
So crazy.
So, so crazy, baby.
Craaazyyy. Crazy crazy crazy!
You have made us the craziest we have ever been from the moment we met Your eyes and will be forever driven crazier with Your around from the day You die. And that won't be anytime now, my treasure. We will treasure You, take care of You, keep You safe. You will want for nothing, we can assure You — nothing, nobody, no one. Only Nikto. Nobody will ever look at You, as their eyeballs will be gouged out for having the audacity to spare a glance at the pinnacle of perfection. And nobody will ever want You, nobody will taint that precious skin with unworthy fingers, as anyone who tries will have them broken have their bones crushed to dust their skin muscles and tendons ripped to ribbons until there is no body left.
Nobody will ever look at You. Only Nikto. Us. Forever, and ever, and ever and ever and ever we will have our eyes on You until our retinas dissolve and our pupils can no longer absorb light and we become blind and crippled, crying, crying crying crying for You, crying only for You. You crying out for us until Your voice is hoarse from moaning, until our name becomes a prayer just as much as Yours is to us.
We love You. Think of nobody. Only Nikto. Only of Nikto. Only for and against Nikto. We will live for You. We do already, do you understand? We're yours. Yours. Yours yours yours yours yours yours to have yours to hit yours to scratch with those nails yours to scream at yours yours yours yours yours. Yours. Yours! Yours!
Yours!
Y/N.
I'm crazy: I don't think I needed to say, yes?
I know it. We know it. Everyone else knows it. You should have known it.
And if you didn't know it, then You will know it.
Because You drive me crazy.
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A/Ns
Really really really Really REALLY had doubts about posting this and thought that no one would like it. I felt inspired and happy and proud of myself when I was almost finished but it took me days to conclude the work since I was second-guessing whether or not I should post this after all. Kind of embarrassed, in all honesty, but I decided to post it in the end since I quite like it. :'>
I just wanted to highlight your, @//connorsui, lovely, lovely words when you reblogged my last Nikto post 😭😭😭💘💘💘. To receive not only some compliments, but your thoughts on my headcanons AND analysis *AND* your evaluation of my post was so, SO heartwarming to wake up to in the morning 🥹🥹🥹💓💓💓, especially when it was so long!!! Like, what?!! 😢😢😢😢😢😿😿😿😿😿😭😭😭😭😭💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💖💖💖💖💖✨✨✨✨✨
Thank you so so so SO much for your positive feedback !!! I've read it over four times by now. O really appreciated and still appreciate it. ☺️💞🫶💖✨✨💕💕
(I also want to kiss Nikto's scarred face ☹️☹️☹️ just wordless acts of intimacy where words aren't necessary and just to show the man some affection, regardless of how he looks 😟💝 need that ugly traumatised Russian man SO BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭)
Inspiration for this gained from:
thisvvv song!!! and Chapter 7 in Metro 2035 lol,, when Artyom was drunk and disorientated I thought it was written really REALLY well and I wanted to incorporate his meaningless drivel into this.
Nikto's voicelines and his various voices/sporadic changes in character
the Fandom Wiki
my own headcanons lol 😋
From fluff this whatever the fuck this is!!!!!!!!!! Hope you enjoyed 💗💗
#aking10592_ ≛彡#tw dark themes#tw dark content#dark content#Nikto#nikto#Nikto x Reader#nikto x reader#Nikto x You#nikto x you#Nikto COD#nikto cod#COD Nikto#cod nikto#Nikto Call of Duty#nikto call of duty#Call of Duty Nikto#call of duty nikto#call of duty fanfic#cod fanfic#cod fanfiction#cod fic#cod x reader#cod x you#cod headcannons#cod headcanons#cod hcs#Call of Duty#call of duty
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K-Pop Spotlight: DAY6
Come one, come all to a K-Pop Spotlight that is sure to dazzle and delight ’til the final curtain. This week, all eyes are on DAY6 following the release of their eighth mini-album, Fourever, and brand new title track, "Welcome to the Show." We caught up with the band to discuss their goals as they approach their 10th anniversary and their ever-growing connection to their fans through their music. Check out our full interview below!
Tracks like “Welcome to the Show,” “The Power of Love,” and “Get The Hell Out” seem to have very different themes. Can you tell us a little about how these songs relate to each other and what aspects make this album cohesive?
SUNGJIN: As we pursue the idea of being a 'band that sings every moment,' it seems like our albums, including the recent one, prioritize diversity in songs and situations rather than unity. Consequently, our albums contain various genres and narratives. However, there seems to be a commonality in most songs, depicting situations that everyone has either gone through or might experience.
Young K: First and foremost, I would say this album is a compilation of the best songs we could create. There's definitely a theme of love running through it. "Welcome to the Show," "The Power of Love," and "Get The Hell Out" all talk about the concept of love.
What goes into creating titles for DAY6 songs and albums, especially those that don’t come directly from your lyrics? Do you find it hard to condense the intentions and themes of a song into a title?
Young K: While there have been cases like that, all the songs on this album came from the lyrics. Sometimes, when choosing a title, we select the one that best describes the song—other times, we choose to give it a twist or make it more intriguing.
WONPIL: Naming songs involves a lot of deliberation. We often contemplate which title will catch the eye and capture the song's essence. Usually, we try to take it from a verse in the chorus. This can be a challenging part of the songwriting process.
Is there a creative project you’ve always wanted to work on but haven’t gotten the chance/found the time?
SUNGJIN: I'm very curious, and have a principle of "trying to experience as much as possible." There are so many things I want to try musically and personally, especially among the things I know but haven't tried yet.
DOWOON: I hope we can have a song that we can collaborate on with My Day, like a choir.
What does your work/studio setup look like? Where do you feel the most creatively inspired?
DOWOON: We try to keep the studio as tidy as possible and make it comfortable for practice sessions.
WONPIL: When working on songs, we talk a lot. We get inspiration from little conversations, joking around, sharing stories, and listening to music from various eras regardless of genre while giving opinions. We also try to build emotional connections with the songs. There’s a lot of communication going on. The songwriting process takes place in the studio of our long-time collaborator, composer Hong Jisang, with whom we've been working together since our debut.
How do you want to evolve as a musician/producer?
Young K: I want to be eagerly anticipated and awaited as an artist. Without those who wait for us, we wouldn't release or even step onto the stage. So I’m always thankful for My Day.
WONPIL: My biggest goal is to make good music for My Day and the public, so I think I'll continue to ponder. When working on songs, I pour my sincerity into them. I constantly strive to express this sincerity musically, fully capturing the emotions I want to convey. I hope to create songs that can still be listened to even after 10 or 20 years.
Design your own Tumblr blog: choose an aesthetic, a blog name, and would you be a frequent poster or lurker?
SUNGJIN: I think I’ll use it to catch up on friends' updates. For the blog name, THUMB BLUR sounds good to me. I might end up being a lurker who never posts.
DOWOON: Maybe a blog for plants? I think I'll post it like a diary.
Want more DAY6? Check out their new mini album Fourever and the music video for the title track “Welcome to the Show,” both out now!
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"Ranpo. I'm falling asleep, man."
Your complaints are met with Ranpo's own disgruntled mumbles pressed into the damp skin of your neck. "Don't call me man. I'm trying to kiss you and that's what I get?"
"Trying to kiss me while I'm trying to sleep. Can you wait for the morning?"
Apparently, he can't, because he stays in his position on top of you. Every line of his body is pressed into yours as his arms stay wrapped around your shoulders, pulling you in and keeping you locked. You don't hate this, truthfully, but you are falling asleep. The only thing keeping you awake is your annoying partner who you love but also want to kick out of the bed for the night.
Ranpo trails innocent open-mouthed kisses along the soft part beneath your jawline before moving up to the corner of your mouth. He sighs a content little hum into your skin and you have to fight back a shiver. He's awfully good at this. You know he's not trying to do any more than kissing—he never does when you're both bone tired and swaddled in bed—but his incessant gestures are inching you more and more to full consciousness and you really need to get a full seven hours of sleep tonight.
"I need it," he tells you, earnest in the way he always is when the exhaustion starts to make his clever brain fuzzy. He's always a little more mushy with you past eleven PM, words and thoughts and actions slurring into one barely cohesive jumble. "Just a little. Won’t you do it for me? 'Cause you love me 'nd all."
He needs it. Good god. He’s gonna kill you with that one day.
Whatever smart response bubbling on your tongue immediately fizzes out when he covers your lips with his own. Hot and slow breaths puff between the both of you as he moves his mouth against yours in slow, pliant motions. You're far too weak for him and far too awake now, so you let him take you apart just for a moment, just to take the edge off his spontaneous neediness.
"Yeah, sure. Love you and whatever," you manage to squeeze out between his perpetual line of kisses, now spanning across your lips and to your cheek and the spot right beneath your eye, close enough to let you feel the way his soft breaths flutter against your eyelashes.
"One more," he tells you—but it's more like he's telling himself. Like a goal, a promise, a self-fulfilled prophecy. "Just one. M'kay? Then you can fall asleep all early like you're a senior citizen."
"This senior citizen is letting you kiss them, baby. Don't complain."
And, oh, isn't it such a delight, hearing the way his breaths turn shaky for just a second after the nickname leaves your mouth. Every time you call him baby he goes shaky and bashful, too embarrassed to say anything smart. It’s his weak point and you’re too addicted to be good about it.
“If you wake me up early,” you tell him, finally able to pry his face away from yours with the help of a firm hand cupping his cheek, “I’ll make you breakfast. And you can kiss me again. I’ll even walk to the store and get that good jam that you like.”
“You’re a good bargainer.”
“Comes with the job. Will you let me go to bed now?”
He makes a contemplative noise, a hum that buzzes through your fingertips from where you hold his face. “I said one more, right?”
Indeed he did. With a sigh, you let him press a big stupid kiss on your lips, complete with an obnoxiously loud mwah! sound effect from him that you roll your eyes at. What a man-child.
(You still walk to the store for him in the morning. You’re weak at heart, really.)
#ranpo x reader#bsd x reader#bungo stray dogs x reader#bungou stray dogs x reader#ranpo edogawa x reader#edogawa ranpo x reader#bsd drabble#ranpo drabble#bsd x you#bungou stray dogs x you#ranpo x you#quick drabble i wrote while actually in a haze last night#i barely proofread… i cant promise that this is legible…#i should be finishing up the chuuya request in like 2 days#and then the other requests will follow#i’m so excited omfg#send more in if u want guys i’m ready and willing and able
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