#I'm not even supposed to tell people irl about my sexuality

[barclaysangel]

I might be a lesbian

God that sounds so scary to even type out. I've suspected for a few months that I could be but my bff Jay @king-of-wicked seems fairly convinced that I am.

The only men I crushed on irl were just guys that were nice to me cause I was lonely. Almost all of my male fictional crushes are feminine in some way. And I do feel more for girls than I do for guys. I've never dated anyone irl though (I had a couple online girlfriends years ago but we just stopped talking and there was never a "breakup" but still, I would get all giggly and happy when I did have an online girlfriend) so I can't outright say if I am attracted to both men and women or only women.

I've gone from saying that I was bisexual, to biromantic, to queer, to sapphic over the past few years. Now thinking that I could actually be a lesbian scares tf out of me.

My parents are mostly ok with me being "bi" since there was still a chance of me being with a man and having children that way. I want kids more than a partner, but I'm scared to admit to my parents or even myself that I might have been forcing my attraction to men because I had so much compulsive heteronormativity shoved down my throat growing up.

Just wanted to get that off my chest. I'm far too scared and unprepared to label myself a "lesbian" so I'm just going to go with "sapphic" for now and...see what happens, I guess.

I'll just wait for the right partner to finally drop and slap me in the face with realization.

That's what I'm going through this pride month, hope y'all doing better :)

[doing-swell]

hello, my name's swellie 💖✨🌈 aka: new pinned post! new pinned post! read all abt it!

welcome to my blog! I started on here almost exactly a year ago, and since then I've learned not only so much about my pregnancy kink, but also about myself. being here has been formative for my kink exploration journey, and it's helped me deconstruct years of catholic school girl trauma (s/o to catholic guilt!).

This is a pregnancy and birth fetish vlog. This is an 18+ only environment. DO NOT INTERACT IF 18 OR YOUNGER. I am a 27 year old white cis woman with brown hair. I identify as a neurodivergent bisexual woman on the ace-spectrum. I live in the US - New England specifically!

I've had a pregnancy kink since I was a kid. I even got in trouble for google image searching "pregnat" on my childhood computer lol (it was 2006 folks, what else was i supposed to do?) I created this blog to share the beautiful side of this kink. I hope you enjoy! <3

Keep reading below!

As a queer person I will absolutely not condone any form of homophobia, transphobia, racism, misogyny, etc etc. I am an open and tolerant person, and please do not try to take advantage of me because of this. I mostly only follow back people whose content I enjoy seeing.

When I interact with kink content here, I mostly imagine myself as the pregnant carrier. I mostly get off to picturing myself in some sort of pain (i.e. labor) or I like to picture myself with a pregnant person.

Things I really enjoy:

Wearing a fake pregnant belly

Pregnant bellies (specifically, large pregnant bellies, smaller bellies, those with stretch marks, red bellies, moving bellies)

Breeding <3

Impregnation <3

Poking pregnant bellies, rubbing them etc

Stirrups, medical torture stuff, etc (FANTASY ONLY. I CANNOT REPEAT THAT ENOUGH. DO NOT INTERACT WITH ME IF YOU FEEL OTHERWISE)

Birth, birth denial, labor and contractions

Pregnant lesbians (because duh,,, I’m fucking gay)

Historical pregnancies or pregnancies set in the past

Clothes not being able to fit/spilling out of old clothes

Giant swollen boobs (especially with veins 🙈)

Giant bellies in laps <3

Waddling and being out of breathe, struggling to sit up, contractions, unable to get up from sitting, etc

Curves🤤🤤

I’m not into:

Anime/ drawings

Monster fucking, slime, pups/litter talk, etc

Mpreg

Beastiality, aliens, monsters, anything sci fi

Eggs or pushing out objects

Feederism, feedies, or stuffing (in very very specific circumstances I tolerate this)

Anything to do with fatphobia or shaming folks for their size/weight

Swollen feet

It gets weird when it gets misogonistic in a "I would actually vote to overturn roe v wade if I had the chance" kind of thing -- if it's fantasy/pure imagination, I'm all ears. But when I think you would actually hate crime me IRL..... that's when I [not-so] politely decline ❤️🫶🏻

Other disclaimers:

I am in a relationship right now and she knows about this blog and my kink. She is so supportive and I love her very much. We are very open to exploring ourselves sexually, but never, and I mean never, would I risk my relationship because of something on here. If you cross a line, I will immediately tell you. Please do not assume I want to fuck you or be in a relationship with you in real life, this is purely for kink purposes. I think of you as my friends! If I talk to you, or respond to your DM's or like your content occasionally, that means I'm grateful to have you in my life and you make my life better by being in it. Xoxo, thank you for understanding!

Please send me asks, tell me about your fantasies, ask me questions about my fetish. I want to learn more about you as well! I’m an open book when it comes to most things, I promise I won’t judge you 🙈

I don’t want to tell you my real name, where I live, or anything about me in real life. You won’t ever see my face. It’s what I’m comfortable with, full stop. If you do get my name or anything from me, it’s for you only. Do not share that without my consent. For purposes of this blog, you can call me Swellie 🤪

I love interacting with mutuals through tags and captions 💋 it’s my way of flirting and will swoon if you do the same

Happy swelling, babies 🫡

[mel-loly]

LITERALLY THO-

⚠️TW⚠️: Big (but also very important) Text

I FULLY AGREE WITH THIS MEME, THIS IS LITERALLY MY ENTIRE BLOG!😅

And I have explanations for why they are ““similar”” to me:

Mel Creator has the same personality type/likes-tastes as me and I also have ALMOST the same clothes as him irl. The only thing that changes is that he is an adult, his sexuality, gender and a bit of his appearance, but the rest is literally me (that's why I use him a lot to answer asks).

And Mel-Loly is literally me in my dreams, like- I made him based on what I wanted to be (if possible): with strong self-esteem (KINDA) always, don't blame himself so much and know how to act rationally, good leadership, able to “put things in place” even when everything is going all wrong, being tall, having a beautiful marriage, a son/daughter, lots of scars, wings, and yeah.. He is literally “me” of my dreams.

And certainly, if I (Melissa, Mel Designer) died(like, being very serious), they both would go with me too.. Because the characters are literally based on how I feel, live, my dreams, events, and literally everything, is based on me(especially Mel Creator). So much so that both of them were once “me”, like at the beginning of the blog, Mel-Loly was me, until a while ago I changed to Mel Creator(that's why the "Creator" at the end of the name, because it was supposed to be called me/Melissa, the creator of the blog, but now I'm just the designer, he's the one who "commands" the rest), and now I draw myself based on reality, and not on something “fictional”.

This is also one of the reasons why I revealed my real name, because I saw that there were already two characters with the name “Mel”, and so as not to confuse people even more, I decided to reveal it, because this way, it's a little easier to “differentiate”. Obviously, like I said, they are literally based on me, so it would be REALLY HARD to tell who is who if it weren't for their appearance(that, in fact, I changed Mel Creator in terms of “color” because of that too, because of the confusion it was causing of the names and etc, but mainly because I really like dark-skinned characters and, yeah..😅) and some name changes, and even with these differences, there are still confusions, so I kind of came to a conclusion that.. I don't care anymore if you guys confuse me with them, or if you think we're the same, because I understand you, and I also find it funny the idea of you thinking that, like- like this meme, It's funny to me that people think this, that we are the same/the same person just in different universes, because on one hand, it's a "half" fact, so.. Yeah-

Thank you, Tsu, for the meme and the ask, I thought it was good that you did this because it gave me an opening to talk about this subject and let you guys now know that this meme is “half” a fact and I'm fine with people calling (or just joking) me, Mel Creator and Mel-Loly the same person :] because before I had problems and even got irritated by it, but today I really don't care anymore, and like, I even like it and think the idea is funny/cool! So much so that I'm going to make an art of myself with them to post ^^💛

Thanks again for the ask/meme and hope you...

[urproblematicfav-arsonk]

ok you made good points for the most part but something in your helluva post confuses me: how in the world has stolas been "sexually abusing octavia the entire series"?

going off of the definition of sexual abuse (rape, assault, trafficking, molestation, coercion, etc.) i cannot think of anything that even remotely points to evidence of that.

surely, SURELY you aren't claiming that just because he said something sexual on the phone in front of her? not even TO her or ABOUT her? that's a misstep for sure, but going so far as to call that sexual abuse is... just not correct.

maybe if he did it on purpose or specifically because she was around, but to me it reads like he forgot she was there and got caught up in the phone conversation. there's no evidence that it happened more than once either, so "the whole series" is a biiig stretch.

i REALLY hope that specific moment isn't what you mean, because that's the kind of claim that really softens the meaning of the term... but i really can't think of anything else that even suggests it.

I feel like theres definitely a way to say "Hey! We seem to disagree on this interpretation of this show! I have no fucking idea where you are coming from, can you explain?" Without turning it into a...definition....of rape.......to the rape victim........and also accusing said rape victim of "softening" language?? Would the term sexual harassment be better?? I personally think it's arbitrary to say "thats not technically sexual abuse, its just weird, stop calling it that" when it's something sexual.....that hurts someone?? Idk its semantics.

So anyway ignoring the vibes you brought to the table, I was talking to my irl friend about Helluva, back when the stolitz shit was happening. And I was complaining because of how CLEAR the abuse in that dynamic is to me. And he was like "I think cuz of your trauma that you're reading into it too much and taking it too seriously." And I was like "IF VIV WANTS POINTS FOR DOING SA REP, THEN IM GONNA TAKE EVERYTHING SUPER SERIOUSLY"

The difference between us is that I was sexually abused, and trafficked(not sex trafficked but still) so when I watch this show, I IMMEDIATELY pick up on things happening there. While he doesn't because he's """normal"""" and not traumatized, so he just sees fun dick joke show about dick and balls. I think a lot of this fandom is a mix of both. People like me picking up on signs, and other people who just are here for jokes and don't necessarily notice all the really bad shit because thats not exactly their lived experience. Completely understandable, I don't hold it against anyone for not noticing it the way I do. But I do see it, and wanna bitch about it.

We're in hell. This show is set in the actual human bible hell damnation hell for hell people. I think there's a way to read some characters as "uwu babies", but I'm not gonna. It's hell. In hell. I'm going to be giving no one the benefit of the doubt, and assume the worst in people until proven otherwise. Especially when the characters in question are dickbags who never actually change.

What Stolas is doing is...sexual harassment? Is that better??? Stolas is openly engaging in pretty intense kinkplay around his daughter and that is in fact, Bad.

(its also entirety possible Octavia knows that this dynamic is sexually violent and is forced to listen to her dad want to rape a guy, and no dont come telling me thats wrong too, fuck off.)

And as someone who's been through the exact same kind of trauma as Octavia, I can say it definitely fucked me up✨ The only thing I'll give Stolas is that it doesn't seem like he's been doing this around her since she was a small child like I was, but its still bad. That's still inappropriate behavior, that's still something he should know to stop immediately when he sees she's around. Octavia is a depressed, struggling teenager who needs love and support while dealing with this sudden divorce. Stolas spends EVERY episode that is supposed to be about them, either tryna fuck Blitz in front of her, or ignoring her to interact with Blitz and or yell at Stella.

Stolas' problem as a character(not a bad thing, this should be a story/character arc) is that he's deeply entitled, and doesn't see how is actions effect others. Stolas is upset that he was forced into marriage? Wow, isn't Stella such a bitch for doing that too him? No empathy for the woman also being raped and abused through this forced marriage. Stolas is gay and wants to fuck? Let's not think about the class difference, and that he's literally holding Blitz' survival in his hands in exchange for cock. Stolas wants the sexual experiences he was robbed of because of his trauma? Who cares if it destroys his family and makes his daughter feel worthless, he wants to sext. His arc should be about facing the fact that he's abusive, and hurtful. He is hurting Blitz, and Octavia with his sexual behavior. But if he was supposed to be a "good" character with "good intentions", then he should have no problem apologizing and ACTUALLY changing. Stolas doesn't seem upset that they're upset, he's upset he got "caught". He's upset Blitz demands respect and doesn't suck his dick the second he shows any remorse. He's upset that he can't fight Stella and fuck all he wants and instead has to deal with his moody teenager ACTUALLY needing attention and support. My comment about "the entire series" is because the only things we see are the bad parts of their relationship with no development, even if its only a few episodes.

Also since we're playing the virtue game, saying "but he didn't do it on purpose" is actual victim blaming and rapist apologist behavior so like, good job?? Saying rape or sexual abuse isn't as big of a deal just because it was an accident, or unintentional is definitely a take to have. Now, I'd say this is a stupid furry series that doesn't matter in the long run, but you're the one whining about language??

Anyway. Hazbin/Helluva are poorly made shows that annoy me. Pls stop fucking with people about shit like "softening" language and all that "real victims" and all that purity culture savior complex bullshit. Its super weird. Rambling times over, its like 5am im going back to sleep. Also I'm proship, this is media analysis not a moral thing except for the part where I was fucked with over language.

[thebottomfromhell]

I read your Hantengu smut post from a while ago and I love the dynamic of him being with a teasing partner!!!! Aaaaahhhhhhh!!!

I can just imagine the grief reader would give him. Oops, undergarment flash! Oh, that’s my chest pressing against you! Woah, my hand slipped and gave you a little spank!

Welcome to a new episode of let's bully Hantengu (main body)! On the other hand, I'm glad you liked the post (even if idk which Hantengu smut post is 😅), I hope you also like this one.

Dynamic of Hantengu with a teasing/bully GN reader

Warnings: Slight bullying, Hantengu's... everything (+exagerating some things), Slight exposure of underwear, Implied sexual content and a Non-consented spank (ask for consent irl, people, ask if the other party is ok with it first).

Hantengu loves you, he loves you a lot. You are a spark of joy in his scary, miserable life, with your playful attitude and genuine, shameless, soul, how could he not? The problem is that, sometimes you get too playful, to the point he can keep up with it. Hantengu easily gets nervious, overwhealmed, anxious, scared or embarrassed, so maybe you could tone it down a bit? ....

Nah, what for? Honestly speaking, you like to see him startled, to hear him whine, sob and whimper, for him to tremble at the same time he holds into something or someone for comfort. He is so cute when he does, and so easy to tease you just have to. Just some words or touches are enough for hin to become a sweet mess only for you. Seriously, it's amazing this guy is supposed to be the fourth most dangerous demon after his king, because for you he is "My little crybaby. Do you want some cuddles, huh? Would you like me to make you feel better because everythin is swo scawy for Hantengu?"

He sobs again, burrying his face in your neck as his ears and face becomes each time more red, embarrased but not wanting to let go as you are both a source of comfort and grief. He doesn't even phantom how you can do it so easily, Karaku and Urogi he can get, they are an emotion so they can't really care about anything than enjoying things or do stuff they consider pleasurable. He doesn't know what is worse, when you use words or when you use your body to tease him.

It can be little things, like showing the side wings of the fudonshi over the pants, when you use them, having them showing off more the V line on your lower body. The first time it happened he made a little jump and a gasp, thankfuly none of the clones where there at the time, but it didn't help that you laughed about it, smirking. "Is something wrong? Did you see something?" In that second he couldn't move his eyes away as he started to tear up, you were still putting something on top, so he didn't know where to look.

"No, nothing!" And he looked away... for about an hour as he blushed violently and trembled, eyes closed hard and not a single breath coming out of his body. You laughed about it as you pressed yoursef against the back of his head, since he was sitting. "C'mon, love. Talk to me." He can feel your chest against him, and he starts sweating cold. "Y-Y-Y/N... Y/N your-" he stopped himself, not knowing how to call that body part in a way that is appropiate. "My... what? Tell me." Oh, you knew exactly what, but making Hantengu say it is way funnier. He stumbles in his own mouth, not managing to make out a single word as he blushes even harder and tears come out his eyes.

He is clearly overthinking. "What if I say it? Will it make me look like a pervert? Will Y/N accuse me of being one? I'm not a pervert! I didn't want to look! I didn't! I'm innocent!" And so on as he started breathing hard until you decided to have enough and started to comfort him, making him forget about it. Not that you didn't do it again, the exposed underwear was easily dealt with, he just stopped looking, moving his head everytime you were not using top or kimono. The body pressing was harder to get over from, but he just stays still when you do until you let him be or spice things up.

But then, it happened. Hantengu still has scars from when it happened, he never saw it comming. A normal night, he was just helping with something in the house, can't even remember what, and he was walking besides you, and the second he passed you... he felt it. Your hand hiting one of his buttlocks, making a loud noice as he feels the impact, tensing the second you make contact, face and ears heating up as an unnatural and miserable expresion takes over his face, throwing in the air the towels he was carrying as he lets a high pitched and even louder "EEEEEEEEEEAAAACK!! WHAT WAS THAT?!" feeling everything speeding up as he turns around to look at you, who was looking somewhere else, almost innocently.

"Hm? "What was" what?" He blushes harder as he doesn't know what to say. "You-you know... that." You try to keep your laugh to yourself, some choked chuckles scape, but you only smirk, face hurting in the process, as you ask again. "What?" You really want to laugh as tears start to form in his eyes, he just looks so lost, so cute and it's really hard to pretend you didn't do it when you both know you just spanked him. Hantengu starts to hug hinself as he starts subbing in confusion, a little inner though making him question if you may be actually telling the truth...

That though spirals as he breaks down into your arms. "I-I-I hat-hate you!" He days crying and you just had to tease more... leading to the current state. "Ok, shhh~ it's ok, I'm sorry. I am so sorry baby, I won't do it again, promise." He is having the grief of his life and you are having fun... he really hates you. It's always the same, you tease him and end up also comforting him. Why?! "A love you." You kiss the tumour in the top os his head as he calms down... that is why. He is trapoed like this, can't stand you but also can't have enough of you... he really hates you...

[dukeofankh]

The idea that men having unrealistic beauty standards for women comes from them watching pornography has always struck me as like, laughably and obviously wrong. That's...where I honestly saw the most representation and celebration of "unconventional" beauty? And not in a "everyone is beautiful" positivity post way, with raw, unfiltered, honest hunger for things men are assumed to find repulsive. When I met women with saggy breasts irl I wasn't like "oh no! What's wrong with them? They're not supposed to be affected by gravity..." I was like, "Oh dope, these are some of my favourite kinds of tits".

Some people can get into bubbles, sure. But it's not a porn issue. You honestly don't have to look that far. There is a media industry built entirely off of dangerously dishonest representations of women's bodies... it's just the regular fucking film industry.

Let's say I wanna see a legit, actual fat woman being the centre of attention, and being portrayed as devastatingly attractive. Please, by all means, what Hollywood films should I watch? You might come up with a few examples, maybe. But I listen when my fat friends talk, I know how shit rep is for fat women. Can I go to the theatre and be more confident than a coin flip's chance that the movie I see will even acknowledge or portray the existence of fat women? Because I can find thousands of examples of that in porn in seconds. It's an entire fucking genre. The dudes that you presume have a monolithic and universal hatred of rolls of fat have a pretty sizeable wing that will honestly get fucking apoplectic in the comments if someone is described as fat who's merely chubby.

Can you honestly, with a straight fucking face, tell me that I can go to the theatre right now, pick a random movie, and be at all likely to see a movie with a woman with even one (1) hair on her body below her eyebrows? There is plenty of porn with totally hairless women, some of which is super fuckin gross about it, sure. But like, doesn't matter how "gritty and realistic" a movie is, I'm more likely to see a corpse than an armpit hair in a movie theatre. By comparison, there are legit mainstream porn performers who do regular, mainstream scenes with a bush, hairy armpits, all of it. It's not uncommon. It's not hard to find. And it's...the point? It's hot? It's not just fine, it's not there to demonstrate how artistic the movie is being, it's hot.

There is definitely tons of porn built around showing the most conventionally attractive women possible, but proportionally, compared to mainstream films, porn has way more varied body representation. You take two guys, lock them in a room, and show one nothing but Hollywood movies and the other nothing but porn, one of those guys would react with surprise/horror when presented with an average naked woman, and it's not the one who's been watching porn. Like, porn is about wanting to fuck people. Wanting to fuck all sorts of people. In order to do that, you kinda have to...show all sorts of people? If you want to make porn about, "Hey, what if you could have sex with that fat mom" or "what if your sisters chubby goth friend wanted to sit her totally untrimmed bush right on your face," a porn studio is just gonna...get someone who fits that body type. They're not gonna rewrite her as someone thin or put her in a fatsuit. And there's sizeable genres built entirely around body types that are basically banned from existing as anything more than a joke or a tragedy in mainstream film.

Where does that leave us? Do you have to love porn now? Include it in your next moodboard about positive representation? No. I understand why that level of sexualization and fetishization isn't actually comfortable for plenty of people. I'm not trying to convince you that it's good.

I'm trying to tell you that even if you have really negative feelings about gross dudes or the porn industry in general, our fucked up beauty standards for women have so much more to do with mainstream cinema than they ever have, or ever will have, to do with porn.

[tirfpikachu]

ugh

ouch. ow. i just saw my ex at the mall. i don't think they saw me. i'm at the mall library now and i feel so dead inside. genuinely so deeply sad. this person i loved so much, platonically too, who i have such intense history with, who stayed w me out of pity bc i'm disabled & autistic & poor for like 5 years... this enby who went behind my back and cancelled me for rejecting a trans woman since i'm not able to feel attraction to omab/male people.... it all cost me irl friends i had been close to for years. it made me feel like a disgusting bigot who fetishized ofab/female bodies and only cared about bodies, not the actual person. they made me feel so gross for being exclusively same-sex attracted. for being a homodyke. they really think of me as the scum of the earth. they really think i'm some monster who was evil for telling someone transfem (multiple transfems) my sexuality, and not making up some lie to make her feel better. i'm supposed to be ashamed of my sexuality. i'm supposed to hide it. we had ended on such a nice note too, we were joking around while they got their bike at my place and even did a dorky goodbye handshake. and then all this. i'm so fucking sad now. seeing their dumb little green beanie and a bit of their face. stupid dork. so trapped in normie tra thinking. they're dating a very close-minded tra trans guy too now so ofc he must've been like "omg babe that's a horrible terf you should out her"

i feel so heartbroken all over again. beyond the romantic aspect they were just my best friend first and foremost. it all hurts so bad eugh. i'm really trying to self-care and talk w server gyns and feel better but it's just all so hard and i'm so sad. i hate that it kinda ruined my nice outing. i hate that they come to this mall regularly, i love the library. but now i'll be a bit wary coming here, expecting to cross paths. ugh.

[nerves-nebula]

A year ago, I saw that you were getting confessions from people about their sexual abuse, and you didn't seem to mind, and I have not been able to stop thinking about it since. I have been thinking about sending one of my own for a while now ( nearly did once! But my phone ran out of charge just as I was about to), but I kept backing out. Recently started a word document mapping a timeline of events that is currently over 3K words long (which is kinda ridiculous considering my trauma is pretty minor compared to most people's). I dont know if I'll ever send you the contents of that word document (kinda lot to dump on someone, and even with the shield of an anon ask I worry about someone irl finding it and recognising me... somehow), but I have been, well, not enjoying it per se, but it has helped to write my thoughts down, pretending that I'm saying them to somebody else. I'm just not in a position to tell anyone what happened to me, and I dont know I'd I'll ever will, but that's just life, I suppose.

aaaaaye cheers to thatttt. congratulations! or i'm sorry! whichever you like.

tbh i'm like the least affected by the abuse that went on in my household so don't feel too bad about it being pretty minor shit. nothing all that terrible even happened to me, i'm just a self obsessed weirdooo.

anyway, while i certainly don't MIND how many people felt comfortable sending me asks just to have a place to put it out there, i certainly don't miss it. i just don't think i can help people, i'm more like a brick wall that goes "wow that sucks. congrats for recognizing it tho!"

in fact i think there's a really long ask someone sent a while back that i forgot to respond to. it was like a whole year ago by now, and it's kind of lost cuz tumblr on my laptop doesn't let me see all my old asks for some reason. which i feel bad about, but i did read it! i read them all!! its just that some deserve more than a "wow that sucks" so i wanted to give them more time. ironically the ones that deserved more of a response were the ones that didn't get one. oops!

point is, i'm happy to be your sounding board, or i guess in this case your silent imaginary friend haha. but i'm not good for much more than that. i'm glad you sent me this tho, whenever i get something like this it makes me wonder how many more people have a similar situation going on but just didn't feel the need to send me an ask about it or somethin. for everyone who's told me there's gotta be like, idk, at least one other person who was shy or who doesn't vibe with sending anon asks like this haha.

[drbased]

Hi, I saw your addition on this post:

https://www.tumblr.com/maslows-pyramid-scheme/763959982738833408?source=share

And I was wondering if you had any other input on straight people being bicurious/thinking they could be bisexual? Because I can kind of relate to that. I'm an OSA woman and have been questioning/bicurious for years now but don't seem to be getting anywhere.

I'm interested in kissing women (never have) but I don't usually fantasize about sex with them. I always thought since I am not repulsed by the idea, it must mean something, and radblr likes to say that unless you are repulsed, it counts. I have been vaguely interested in one or two women before, it was never sexual but still felt a bit different from just platonic. I feel like I can't 100% relate to my straight friends who would never even consider kissing a woman but I also can't relate to lesbians and bi women who love vagina. Am I just a curious straight woman who likes women's company and isn't grossed out by female bodies? Is that a normal way to be straight? Or am I bi with a preference for men? I genuinely can't tell anymore.

You and me both, sister. Every since I was a teenager I always considered myself 'probably bi, but not really curious'. You're clearly further along the spectrum than I am though, because I've never found myself being attracted to a woman IRL. The only thing is, if I am attracted to women I'm exclusively attracted to gnc women - not 'butch', but more, say androgynous in both attitude and dress. Bonus points if she actually looks androgynous - but at that point I find myself thinking, well is that just because I like male characteristics then? Problem is I've never seen a woman IRL who looks like what I think I'd be attracted to, so the jury's still out, I suppose.

I must say, I've not heard anyone on radblr say that unless you're repulsed, it counts. In fact, I've actually heard the opposite - espeically from lesbians who defend their right to define sexuality around what you actually desire, not what you can tolerate; lesbian sexuality is about desiring pussy, regardless of whether you're repulsed by or merely indifferent to cock. So, then, under that logic I consider myself functionally straight.

The issue is that as women we have this extra hurdle to overcome in defining our sexuality; there's this fundamental societal belief that women are just inherently attractive, to the point where I've seen drag queens - literal gay men - get upset that they're not attractive enough because they don't look like women; like, shouldn't your entire concept of attractiveness be based around what looks masculine? And this belief system is used to devalue lesbianism and women's bisexuality as legitimate sexualities - of course women are going to be attracted to women, haven't you seen women? Everybody loves boobs! And I'm here constantly wondering if women with our curves and small faces are so 'inherently' attractive or is that just hundreds of years of patriarchal conditioning - or is it because as some radfems point out that women have never had control of reproductive selection, and that's why men are generally uglier? Because no matter how much I want to fight it I do have to admit that I don't actually fancy that many men - just like with women I almost exclusively like androgynous features on men. And I've seen it said a fair amount both in and out of radblr that if you're attracted to androgynous/feminine men then that's a secret sign you're actually a wlw?

Idk girl, it's just a permanent unknown in my head. And I've never seen another women talk about their sexuality like I do. So in answering this ask I suppose I'm also asking if any other straight women have the same experience as I do? Do you, anon, find yourself gravitating to gnc/androgynous/feminine men as I do? Have you accidentally ended up dating exclusively bisexual men? We have to find all the straight women who have these concerns and set up some sort of conference because I just want to kNOW.

[aropride]

hi

hello internet strangers want to hear about my personal life as per usual

well as those familiar w my lore know my title ix case (us-specific college thing where, tldr, if u get sexually assaulted u can do a little mini court case thru ur school) is finally fucking over + i won . which is awesome. unfortunately the respondent (title ix word for "person who did the assaulting") got preeeetty much no sanctions at all . like literally nothing changed . the lawyer recommended they be moved to the other dorm hall but they couldnt, so basically they got put on probation and that's it. Lmao. which means my situation is WORSE than before i filed the complaint, bc b4 i filed the complaint they were in the other dorm hall, and then they moved to mine. but i can't do shit about it unless i want to take my school to, like, court.

well anyway the respondent's life changed in no meaningful way Except they moved out of the dorms last month by their own choice. i assumed that meant they were embarassed abt what they did But i guess not. Bc they've been getting really into on campus events and hanging out in the central building that i like to hang out at. and its like. okay. whatever.

but the thing is . theyve been going to a lot of queer-centric events recently . and while im the only person whos filed a complaint or won a case against them. i am not the only victim i know that for a fact and the other victim is also a queer person. So can you see why im worried about someone who managed to sexually assault two queer people within the first week of living on campus like, integrating themself into the community like nothing fucking happened

and theres this school dance coming up in a couple weeks and im worried that will give them an opportunity to like. hurt someone else.

and i want people to KNow what they did because i dont feel safe with them on campus anyway but i especially dont feel safe now theyre talking to people and making friends (especially bc most of their friends r like. friends of friends. like i dont know them but i know of them yk) . i dont know what theyre saying about me (if anything) and i especially dont know if theyve hurt anyone else. and they might have! because they demonstrated a frankly dangerous lack of regard for consent repeatedly Like i think this is a genuinely dangerous person, whether by malice or stupidity or both, and i dont want anyone else to get hurt

BUT THE KICKER IS...! well first of all we're bound by a no-contact order (baby version of a restraining order). you cant be in the same classes and you cant talk to each other (irl, online, or thru a 3rd person) the title ix coordinator has provided jack shit about what a no contact order actually entails btw lol 😒. But if i were to tell someone and they went and told that person, idk if that would be considered 3rd party contact, which would get Me in trouble

i also dont know if it would be considered "breaking confidentiality" if i said their name- again, don't know jack shit, don't have documentation of the actual rules i'm supposed to be following. but i really dont feel like this is a safe situation for this person to be on campus with no one knowing what they did

im also just generally worried about them finding out ive told people and getting mad and going to the coordinator and me getting in trouble when the only reason im even considering this is bc, again, the school didnt do jack shit

and i dont even know How i would tell aynone . like im not rly friends with most of these people . i see them around and some of them i think are cool but theyre not friends or really even aquaintences . so it would be fucking weird .

but i dont know what to do and i dont want anyone else to get hurt . and i know thats not on Me, but. i also dont want to sit back and Know. and not say anytthing

[multi-lefaiye]

haiyaaaaa what have i missed on the Multi's Soap Opera (i cant think of a funny name for it)

hiiii hello hello! most of the multi lefaiye soap opera is stuff i don't really wanna share on tumblr bc it concerns some private stuff with some irl friends and loved ones that i don't wanna share without their permission, but just know it's been a wild time. a lot of it sounds fake even to me. just a couple weeks ago my glasses blew off my face during a storm and shattered on the ground, and that's not a joke.

but one thing i have no problem sharing is absolutely wild work stories. so here's a list of things that have happened so far in the eight months (wow) since i started this job (i work at a storage facility rn):

within my first week i found a briefcase full of drugs on the property. the guy who owned it ended up taking it back before we could really do anything about it, though.

i witnessed an actual physical assault. like... straight up, someone was attacked and beat up right outside the office. i still don't really know if the perpetrator was found or anything but i know at least the victim was safe in the end.

the power went out while i was working alone and the building was pitch black for like 24 hours. yes i was still expected to stay in the building until closing time. yes it was kind of terrifying. yes there were Noises.

just a few months back, we found out one of our customers had been storing human ashes in her unit. y'know. like from cremation. she was storing two urns full of People and then one urn full of Dog. and we know that bc the unit was foreclosed and sold and those were found inside. they've been just chilling in our personal company storage spot because we don't know what to do with them but we can't throw that out. or, rather, we COULD, but we both feel weird about it.

not as fun, but i've been sexually harassed by a customer once so far, and it was a weird as hell experience. 0/10 do not recommend.

answered a phone call from a customer one day to hear him just. loudly crying on the other line and telling me that it's a bad time and he can't talk right now. still not really sure what happened, but he's okay now as far as i'm aware.

it's not as common now that i've worked here for a while, but i still sometimes feel like i can hear people talking in the building when i'm supposed to be alone, or sometimes i think i see people moving out of the corner of my eye. doesn't scare me anymore at least.

anyway yeah i've been thinking on the backburner for a while about a workplace horror-comedy story taking place at a storage facility.

the coolest update in the multi lefaiye soap opera (tm) tho is that i'm on testosterone now! i'm slowly growing a mustache!! waow!

but yeah :3

[leffee]

what would be the guidlines for fic requests?

Fanfic requests guidelines⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩

Well, I was going to have that in a post but now that I have this ask I suppose I will talk about those fanfic requests here. Idk if anyone remembers that but some time ago I talked about it, so if you're having deja vu that's why.

First of all I won't write smut (to be clear, by this I mean sexual acts and that's it. Anything else if fine as long as you're not weird about it. I myself enjoy having Vinnie tied up, blindfolded, and gagged sometimes. Yes, I'm serious. The difference is that for most people who think about others like that it's sexual in nature because it invloves sexual arousal and sexual acts, but to me? It's just a nice way to make physical sensations more intense which I think are great cause I love touch (I mean in fiction, no one ever touches me irl fr cause I ugly :( ). Also nothing drugs related.

Everything else is fine I think, be it gore, violence, alcohol etc. I prefer to write them in a human au or anthropomorphic au (basically humans but with ears and tails etc) but I can write them like they are in lps, so as pets or any other au you might want.

While those are general rules there can be things I didn't think of, so still, if I see something I'm uncomfortable with I probably won't write it.

Now, arguably the most important point here: I want to hear back from the person who requests. If I spent my time writing for you then I want a little something back - preferably a comment on ao3 where those things would be, but if you really don't want to do it there then send me an ask here on tumblr, or even in my dm's. Of course there you can't be anonymous so keep that in mind. I'm serious, if someone requests and I don't get an acknowledgement that you read what I wrote for you I won't take another request from that person. I will turn off anon asks if I have to. I'm not trying to be mean here, I don't mean that you have to absolutely praise me with multiple sentences, but I just want to know you read what I wrote for you.

I don't guarantee your request will be done quickly, as in I'm giving myself unlimited time to write it. If I don't let you know that I don't want to write it then it means I do want to, but I don't know when it will be done. Remember that one time when I did open requests and then didn't write one I got from lpsluvblr until like a year later? Yeeeah. Basically be ready it might take this long. Seriously, I don't get payed for that, so I don't promise I will do it quickly.

Another important thing: I need at least a short description of the plot. Don't just send me a name of the ship, or request like this one anon sent me this time I opened them "Turth or dare fanfic". Sorry if you're reading this anon :') I promise I'm not trying to be mean or point you out, I just want to show what is too little for me. So in this example at least tell me who you want to be involved and what to happen. Basically the longer and more detailed the better, not just because for me but also for you - the more specific request the more I know how to write it in a way that you will like it. You want one person in the ship to act more dominant? You headcanon Russell with specific skin color? Your Pepper and Sunil don't really like each other but it's not the main point of the ship? Tell me. I won't be able to write it if I don't know it.

Oh, also a few Vinnie-specific things for me: if he is included in the ship you want in the request I'm automatically making him the more submissive one, I am not making him any taller - he is the shortest motherfucker there and I ain't changing that, basically if he is involved I'm writing him the way I imagine him, the one and only thing I can change is shorten his hair since I like him with really long ones, so if that's something that bothers you feel free to tell him. Aside from that I'm not changing him, you have to pay me to write him tall, I'm serious.

TL;DR:

no smut or drugs

preferably human or anthropomorphic au

if there is something I'm uncomfortable with even when you followed all those rules I will let you know that I won't write it

I want to hear back from you, even if it's just a few emojis or something like "Thanks for writing it for me, I appreciate it"

your request will be done but I don't know how quickly (or not quickly at all)

give me at least some details of plot of what you want to happen

Vinnie stays short and the more submssive side of the ship (in a non-sexual sense cause ew)

Request preferably in asks, but it's also possible in an ao3 comment or in dm's if you'd rather. In such case if this is what you prefer I won't tell your name when I write the request. Still, I would really really prefer asks. I think that's all feel free to ask if you're unsure of something :>.

[altschmerzes]

Hey you don’t have to answer this obvs if it’s something you don’t want to share/talk about but I’m curious how did you meet your wife/navigate getting married in an aromantic way? I kinda feel like I might be aro and I’m getting older and feeling like. I want a partner and I don’t want to be alone but I don’t know if I really feel romantic love, and I just feel kinda hopeless about finding that, but it’s nice knowing there are people who do find it.

absolutely, yeah!!! i love to talk about my relationship honestly, for a lot of reasons (it makes me feel very happy and warm inside, and i love to talk about this wonderful thing i have in my life with this wonderful person, i am a Wife Guy for real) but also for exactly this reason too - bc i don't think a lot of people know that what we have, what we're doing, is an option. or if they do think of it, they don't think it's realistic or something that can actually happen.

i spent a long time thinking that what i wanted, the thing that would actually make me happy, that i daydreamed about just... it was a nice thought but the odds that i would be able to actually have it were so low that it didn't warrant thinking about at all. i wanted a partner, someone i could live with and raise kids with and build a life together with, and i wanted it completely platonically. i didn't want romance and i didn't want sex either but i did want intimacy, emotionally and physically. i assumed this would only be possible with another aro(ace) person, because i didn't think anyone who wasn't aroace would want that, or that it would be like. unfair somehow, or asking someone to give enormous things up to be with me. (this was all a bunch of jumping to assumptions and internalized bullshit, btw. my fiancee is a lesbian and is just as happy as i am, wants our marriage and our life together, exactly the way that it is, just as much as i do - and has been extremely patient and kind in reassuring me of this.)

(haha this got long again, it usually seems to when i'm talking about My Aro Experience and relationships and em sldj. further under the cut-)

and then it was like, well, i already have no idea how i'd meet another aroace person irl, and even then i have no idea if we'd be compatible. if we'd have the same values and vision for our lives. if they'd want kids. if they'd be comfortable with the kind of physical affection i really wanted to engage in. etc. so i just kind of told myself that y'know, it would have been nice if i had the option of not being alone, but i didn't, so i had to just get used to it. (and it is perfectly fine if someone wants to be alone. that's great. that's a huge thing the aro community is fighting for all of the time. but i did not want that. i just thought it was the only choice i had, if i wasn't willing to force myself into a romantic and probably sexual relationship i didn't want.

my wife and i actually met quite a while back, when we were like. sixteen or so, online. we've been friends for a really long time. which is why when im asked how long we've been together by people who don't know our relationship is platonic, or that i'm aro, or whatever, i have a hard time answering it XD. because like, our engagement was the first we'd ever decided to Be In A RelationshipTM, but if you think about it as a progression of the same relationship we've always had, just as dating before an engagement would be, we've been together for like. coming up on close to ten years.

figuring out navigating our relationship has been a little difficult at times but mostly it's been absolutely wonderful. difficult mostly in the sense that there's no script for this, nothing set out that tells us this is what a relationship like ours is supposed to look like, or usually looks like. we've had to figure it out ourselves. but also that's one of the things that's really been wonderful about it. we can decide at every single point what it is we want, what it is that'll make us happy.

like - at first we decided to have separate bedrooms when we moved in together after we finished our respective degrees/got married/got immigration all sorted out. and then after sharing one when we went to my hometown to introduce em to my family we were like. well. we were fools, huh. so, turns out we're sharing a bedroom. (and i'm... really happy with that, particularly, because it turns out i sleep really well when em and i are together. i used to write a lot about characters sleeping in the same bed, cuddling, etc, and i still do, but i always sort of assumed it was completely obvious i had no idea what i was talking about bc it couldn't possibly be the way i described it. and now that i've been there, it's better.)

the rest of the world is a little trickier, haha. it's a little weird and bad sometimes that people are constantly assuming i'm in a romantic relationship, tbh. even in the aro community i see a lot of people talking like the only people around are nonpartnering/single or in romantic relationships. and the rest of the world, people who don't know i'm aro or who do but like.... forget that a lot? or assume it's changed or doesn't matter or something? is kind of exhausting and uncomfortable. for the most part, we don't bother explaining the nature of our relationship to people. this is also something we talked about! we discussed how much we wanted to clarify or contextualize, and decided that ultimately like... with the exception of people we're very close to, and in contexts like this (fairly anonymous post on ye olde internet with the ability to immediately block anyone who clowns on it), it's really nobody's business unless we decide it is and we're cool with just letting people assume whatever. that doesn't mean it doesn't suck sometimes, but it's a calculus i've made and we've made together.

anyways, just. there you have it!!! i trust my fiancee and i love them and they love me and our greatest priority is always making sure the other person feels safe and loved and respected. and i feel that in every conversation we have. it's a unique situation and we've had to figure a lot of things out along the way, and that's included a lot of conversations i just don't know how to have, but we've figured it out together. i felt hopeless for a really long time, too. i wish i could go back and tell myself in the past where i'd end up. and that's part of why i keep talking about it so much and so openly, so that people know they don't have to just... there are options, y'know? options for going after what you want and talking about what you want with anyone in your life who you have a significant relationship with. i could've cheated myself out of the best thing that's ever happened to me by assuming it just wasn't possible. i'm so glad that i didn't.

[aibidil]

On neurodivergence and romance

Been thinking about neurodivergence and romance. Like, romance as a concept, not dating or anything like that.

A few years ago, I had this bizarre moment where I started asking everyone what they thought romance was, because I just didn't understand. (For context, I've been with my partner since we were teenagers. 😂) Everyone could tell me what romance wasn't, but no one could seem to tell me what it was? Like, it's not buying flowers and chocolates. Ok. But then what is it? How is sexual romance different than having a friend whom you also fuck, I asked them? (They definitely think it’s different than friend+fucking.) So, like… am I aro? But that couldn't be!—how could I be aro and in committed monogamy for two decades?!

But what I'm thinking now is that this is really less about my romantic status or sexuality labels and more about my (and my partner's) neurodivergence. It's about the fact that we never seem to want to do anything the "typical" way, and that extends to our relationship. One of the hallmarks of the neurodivergent brain is that we don't accept societal norms/rules at face value, but rather, we have to go back to first principles and decide whether it all makes sense. This is why we (as a group) don't follow rules that don't make sense—notably, including rules about gender and sexuality. The gender binary is a fucking con, and if you are a person who is going to interrogate gender and not simply accept whatever society says about it, of course you'll come to the conclusion that it's all bullshit. (Check out Unmasking Autism by Devon Price on this point, he has a fab explanation.)

And I think it's the same with romance, for me. I'm not sure I'll ever understand what romance is, but I'm also confident that that isn't due to any problem or lack in my relationship with my partner. And maybe for me, sexual romance is just "wanting a committed relationship with a friend whom you also fuck." And sure, it seems like that's not true for everyone, but it seems that way for us? And that’s ok.

The other interesting thing is that I think this actually serves me well when writing romance, which is bizarre. You’d think that I, a person who literally cannot come up with any way to define romance, would suck at writing it. But in reality, I think romance in fiction is often so neurotypical that it becomes unavoidably cliched and ends up lacking any feeling of reality or human authenticity. But because I, on the other hand, have no idea what romance is, I can’t really write cliched romance. Instead, I end up focusing on the workings of the relationship, with no thought to what “romance” “should” look like.

And actually, I think that’s what happens in my real life, too. Somehow I have no idea what romance is and don’t care about it at all, but the end result of it is that I have a fulfilling romantic relationship?! …. The irony?!

The other bit that strikes me as fascinating is that neurotypical people irl are always telling me how lovely my relationship is and how perfect my partner is, but my reaction to these comments is basically…confusion. Because I know that my relationship, though it seems that way to them from the outside, would seem hugely lacking to them if they saw it from the inside. Because in my relationship, neither of us ever does anything that romantic partners “should” do. So I find myself trying to argue against people, trying to convince them that my relationship is worse than they think, because of this deep sense that they don’t understand what they’re talking about. But I don’t actually think my relationship is shit, I just know they would think it’s shit if they saw it in its entirety. So my interpretation of the situation (again with the irony), is that they are jealous of my relationship, even though they would actively prevent themselves from pursuing a relationship like mine because it lacks so many neurotypical markers of relationship happiness.

I’m not sure where I’m going with this, but I suppose it might be to validate any neurodivergent (lack of) experience of romance, and maybe (if I’m feeling bold) to claim that us neurodivergents are the only ones in a position to offer any insight into what romance is and isn’t, or who can push society toward healthier views of romantic love. 💜

[alittlefrenchtree]

So, Challengers.

First thing is about a detail but it was actually my first thought about the trailer and it’s about both player’s screams at 0:27 and 1:53. They’re not badly acted but yet I don’t think I can see them as authentic while having already watch a real tennis game. It’s probably an impossible emotion to act to be honest, even more when you never been there yourself. 

A tennis match is an overly psychological torture that drives anyone crazy in no time. A player once described it as having a gun pointed to your head while you’re trying to play. Imagine living this, unbelievable levels of fear and stress for 3, 4, 5 or even more hours straight, multiple times a week, every week. The scream is supposed to be the scream of someone who just scored a point that made them survive a minute more. That made them believe they could make the gun disappear for a day or two. It’s something really difficult to grasp and reproduce when you’re not playing yourself. Long story short, they’re not scared enough, I think.

That being said, I’m not quite sure about the trailer itself. I’m not hyped and I’m not not hyped so I don’t think the trailer really worked on me. Since Bones & All is the last Luca movie I’ve seen, my concerns are close to the things I didn’t really like in B&A. By being both a cannibal story and a love story, for me the movie has failed to being interesting at all in the two genres and I wonder if they have found a better balance with this one.

Tennis as a sport is already enough to make a story, so telling something else at the same time can be quite something. I’ve seen King Richard (the movie about the Williams’ family) when I was just toes deep in the tennis world and it seems to work well enough for me at the time but maybe I’d be more demanding about it today.

A good sign is hearing a line describing tennis as a relationship in the trailer because there are very other few words that could have been used here. A family relationship with the Williams movie was a good idea, and I believe a married/love/sexual relationship is also a good idea is also good idea but I’m waiting to see how they manage it. I’m already seeing a few ways to do it (like Tashi-the-human being drawn to one guy but Tashi-the-player being drawn to the other and her trying to make everything co-exist in her life) but we’ll see where it goes.

Also since the movie is called Challengers, I hope they didn’t make it too glamourous. The Challengers circuit is the hell door to the very thankless and difficult part of the tennis world, the one not many people outside of the tennis world knows about so it would be interesting to see. Art being a former champion trying to comeback is a story in itself so yeah. You know me, I rather see one thing deeply explored and told in great details than several things that only get a superficial treatment but I’m rarely satisfied. So we’ll see.

But overall, if this,

Isn’t the real story of the movie, I’d be disappointed with Luca 😁 I mean there is everything right here in front of his eyes irl, all he had to do was to copy and paste so I HOPE he didn’t waste the true potential of this beautiful sport 🤓

Anyway, I'm just glad to have a good excuse too talk about tennis here, so feel free to come chat with me if you want 💜

See you later or tomorrow for the post about the Dune 2 trailer 🥰 (that will be basically me in caps lock shouting that everything looks amazing)

[chaos0pikachu]

Re: Cutie Pie, I feel like the age gap was really something people focused on when criticizing the show. I even saw one person argue that Lian had groomed Kuea (on MDL, so I shouldn't have expected much better). Unfortunately, I think that Western fandom has created this idea that age gaps = unhealthy power dynamics, whereas in Cutie Pie as you pointed out, Kuea (or rather, his family) have more social power due to their aristocratic background.

I do think being uncomfortable with age gaps is like, valid. What I wish though is ppl who are or at least claim to be uncomfortable kept it consistent.

Wen and Jim from Moonlight Chicken have a canonical BIG age gap, it's literally a sub-plot of their story. Jim is supposed to be in his late 30s/early 40s (hilariously, I need ppl to stop casting Earth as these older men it don't work but w/e) while Wen is in what his mid-20s at most? They have at the very least a literal decade plus between them.

Like, Kuea is older than Rain (from the info I've been able to find, Rain is 19-20 while Kuea is 20 and 21 in seasons 1 and 2) and Chay (who's 18) they're both in relationships with older dudes, and fandom doesn't infantize either character like they do Kuea. It's honestly, weird. There was a bit when Chay got this treatment, but it died down (from my observations) pretty quickly especially after the show ended.

Look, if this was real life I'd tell Kuea I'm sus of his older boyfriend b/c being 21 and married is bonkers to me personally. You're young, you barely know who you are, you still have a lot of growing to do emotionally. But it's fiction. Kuea isn't real. He'll be fine.

IRL I'm more worried about the literal government of America banning queer content - like Gender Queer - in libraries, schools, and trying to throw teachers in jail or slap them with huge fines for even mentioning or trying to teach about race and sexuality. I'm way more concerned with drag queens being harassed, called groomers (yay we're back here again! /s), threats to children, while schools aren't even safe from gun violence to which the same lawmakers just toss their hands up at and go "well we can't fix that but those DRAG QUEENS??"

I'm sorry y'all, this turned into a side tangent but it's gotta be said fandom is not activism.

Anyway in terms of Cutie Pie, Lian being older, but Kuea being from like a literal nobility class contributes to the push and pull of their relationship throughout the show. It's purposeful, because throughout the show they're constantly trying to find a balance between who they are vs how the world sees them.