#I'm kind of such a pathetic person jesus christ

[spocks-kaathyra]

when the weed starts tasting like the realization that I'm still deeply lonely and I'll never be loved how I need and it's selfish of me to even want it

[eddiestightywhities]

TRUST ME, I'M A LESBIAN

.

Hen was actually so, so wrong.

Buck was completely one hundred percent uninterested in how disgustingly attractive New Guy was, with his lean, mean firefighting-machine physique and those super pretty, long-lashed, stunningly big brown doe eyes of his.

Eddie Diaz. Ugh.

Ex-army medic. Top of his class at the academy. Infuriatingly unflappable.

Also too cool for a dumb nickname like any other normal fucking person. The douchebag was too cool for school in general, apparently.

Although neither of those things ended up being true, as Buck found out after two hot seconds of his ego pointlessly scrapping for position of Top Dog. Like when his new kick-ass partner answered to ‘Eds’ as if he always had, the moment Buck's subconscious decided it was just gonna be that way. Like when he'd discovered his awesome new friend was a single dad with a son, a kid of elementary school age, who just so happened to be the brightest shining light Buck had ever had the privilege of having to squint at.

That kid, just—wow. Buck was completely smitten, right from the off. Christopher was amazing. Way smarter than Buck, and way cooler than Eddie (who actually, adorably, turned out to be six-foot-worth of pure marshmallow that Buck kinda wanted to simultaneously squish and eat).

These irrefutable facts were first presented to him after inviting himself over to the Diaz residence with an offer of help to clean up following the earthquake, and then he sort of just…

Well, he sort of just never really left. At least, his heart always stayed behind at 4995 South Bedford Street, each and every time he reluctantly drove away from what very quickly became the undisputed best part of his life.

Until all of that changed in the space of a single heartbeat.

A few years down the line came the day that Eddie almost gave Buck a fucking coronary when he crowded into Buck's personal space and backed him into the fridge with a hand bracing either side of his head—post-it notes coming as unstuck as Buck did, magnets clattering to the kitchen floor and managing to sound like wedding bells to Buck's pathetically romantic ears—when suddenly Eddie was kissing him, and kissing him, and kissing him.

And—holy fuck.

After seeing God, Eddie had nervously asked Buck and his heart to stick around, for long enough to not just have (make) dinner and choose their after-meal movie, but to be the little spoon with Eddie in Eddie's too-small bed until morning time came around.

Eventually, after so many cosy nights on the porch with a beer and and arm snaked around his waist, and mornings consisting of packed lunches and pecks on the cheek, Eddie asked Buck to never leave.

Obviously, Buck and his heart sang out with a chorus of yes, yes, a thousand times yes! Or rather he'd screamed it with every goddamn fibre of his being, because Jesus fucking Christ, Buck was just as in love as Eddie apparently was.

Eddie didn't just want Buck; he wanted Buck to stay.

They'd grinned at each other like toothy, goofy idiots, before Eddie was kissing him again, and again, and again, and kind of never really stopped—never for very long, at least.

Yeah, sorry, Bobby and Co.

Funnily enough, it wasn't necessary for Buck to go home and pack a bag, seeing as most of his stuff already lived at Casa Buckley-Diaz (that was what Chris had started calling the place a while back). Thing was, all three of them already knew Casa Buckley-Diaz was Buck's real home, and had been for a really long time.

So that's how everything and nothing at all changed: Eddie and Christopher weren't just a part of Buck's life anymore; they just were his life.

Hen, it turned out—both annoyingly and completely wonderfully—was actually so, so right.

And yes, Buck definitely learned his lesson: Always trust a lesbian.

.

look, i've had A Time of it this last couple of weeks, and also have the dreaded block and just needed to write something—like, anything, y'know? i guess that this is the silly little fanfic-y no-dialogue something-anything i managed to come up with xp

[weebsinstash]

I know the point in Apology Tour is that Blitz has hurt a lot of people but uh to put it bluntly am I not supposed to think the people going to the "fuck this guy we've been broken up with for years" party aren't like, extremely pathetic and petty too, or is that just a thing about relationships I don't understand

like imagine you've just been going on with your life and you find out like every single person you've dated in the last like 10, 15 years all have this big house party to commemorate how much they hate you and they're literally like, burning dolls of you, putting your pictures on a dart board, cutting into anatomically detailed cakes that look exactly like you, they basically just gather to talk shit about you and you don't even. Talk to them anymore. They're just having big get-togethers and staying bitter as they talk about you like you're the devil as they like, sadistically cut up effigies of your likeness

to be honest about it, i would see all of that and I would be less likely to feel bad about hurting all of those people and immediately kind of jump to the conclusion that the relationship didn't work out because all of them were as equally shitty people as i was if not worse and tbh I'd be tempted to even make fun of them. Like CHRIST that is so much energy to put into someone "you're over". Like do they really go to those every year? Maybe I'm just a freak but I'd see all that and be like "Jesus you guys just need to go to therapy, I dodged a whole magazine of bullets here--"

[spurgie-cousin]

The person/bot who thinks I'm mormon and wants strangers involved in their internet beefs is back 😭😭

I just blocked them bc jesus christ, it is deeply pathetic to do a spam campaign on tumblr of all places just because people have the audacity to criticize mormonism. Like y'all really aren't beating the cult/controlling allegations with this kind of behavior.

[astrid-nomically-steddie]

Part 2 of My Steddie mean girls au

Part 1

Steve feels like an asshole.

He really didn't mean to do this. What was the point really? To be popular? How stupid is he. He ruined his only chance at real friends. And for what? To mess with Carol? Yeah sure she's a bitch but why does that matter? And Tommy? Yeah he doesn't even really want him. Steve just wanted to get back at Carol.

God he's pathetic.

And Eddie. Jesus fucking christ. Eddie. He's been so nice and sweet to Steve and he just basically threw it all away. He took a bit fat dump on their friendship and a chance at something more for nothing. And Robin, she was so kind to him too. He shakes his head. He needs to fix this now.

Steve gets up, wipes his face and takes the canvas with him. He doesn't even glance at the painting knowing if he did he would stare at it for hours. As soon as Steve is 10 feet from his house he can feel the music pumping through his feet. Shit. The party, he thinks. He sighs as he walks closer to the door.

When he walks in the music screams in his ears. God I'm going to get a massive headache after this. One of the basketball players comes up to him, Steve thinks his name is Jake? Jason?, something with a J.

"Hey Steve. Had a good time with Hagan, huh." He said sluggishly.

"Umm, yeah I guess." Steve replied wanting to get away from him.

"You guess? Tommy told me you loved it."Jason? said.

"Loved what?" He was so confused they only ever kisse-.

Oh. My. God. Did Tommy tell people they fucked?

"Ummm, you guys did fuck. Right?" The guy - Jake? No Jason definitely Jason - said.

"No?! What are you talking about? We barley even made out!" Steve replied slightly frantic and a little angry at Tommy for lying.

"OK, jeez. Just asking! That's just what I heard. Don't shoot the messenger and all that shit." Jason mumbled as he began to walk away.

Steve stood there in shock and anger. He couldn't believe this. He needs to think but he can't because of this stupid fucking party. That's it he can't take it anymore. Steve power walks to where he knows the radio is and full on unplugs it. He gets on top of his fireplace and screams at the, now confused, party-goers.

"That's it! Party's over, guys! Go home!" He yells over all the protests. He sees Tommy and his friends stare at him with annoyed looks. Steve watches as Tommy tells his friends something and goes to walk towards where Steve is. "Dude, what the fuck?!" He says.

"What?" Steve replies slightly confused but with left-over irritation spilling from his voice. "What do you mean, what? You stopped the music and told everyone to go home!" Tommy argued but Steve thought it was pointless because he was, So. Fucking. Done. "And?! It's my house and my party. I can do what I want." Steve huffed, "Now, get the fuck out of my house, Tommy!" He practically yells at him.

Tommy just stands there in shock not knowing what to do. "Well?! What are you waiting for? Leave!" Steve yells this time. Not just at Tommy, but instead at everyone who stayed standing there like complete idiots. They all scramble to get their stuff and rush out the door. Tommy shakes his head and starts to walk away. Before he leaves he tells Steve, "You are not as cool as I thought you were." Then he walks away with all his friends. They keep looking back at him and giving him looks.

Steve feels like a total fool. Who was he to think that Tommy was an actual good person? God he's a complete buffoon. As time went on and the last people trickled out he began to clean. After around 5 minutes later he felt a tap on his shoulder. He quickly turned around.

The face he saw was definitely not one he'd thought it would be.

[docholligay]

Affinity by Sarah Waters

I have read this book multiple times. I love this book. I love MOST of Sarah Waters' books. She gets me on some base level, and also it's some of the only gay writing that is also...good? I cannot recommend her shit enough.

Spoliers below

It's really interesting reading this up against the novel I'm reading right now, because Margaret is so pathetic and sad, but still Waters manages to create some sympathy for her, even within me, a person not inclined to give the very pathetic a whole lot of sympathy. (I like Selina so much more. Selina is great.) Contrast this to Pen in what I'm reading now, where...I fucking hate her. She is a doormat and deserves every bad thing that comes to her as she lets it fucking happen.

Don't get me wrong, when the end comes, I'm shrugging my shoulders and going, "Well! Could have seen that one coming!" But Margaret is devoted to this story she's built up in her own mind, and in her own idea of being different and special. Jesus Christ, marry a man and make out with Helen on the side. But no, Margaret has this romantic idea of herself, and so she could never do that, or even take her OWN MONEY and go....fuck off somewhere. She's a prisoner, too, of herself, though.

Anyway, I admire that Sarah Waters can make me feel anything for exactly the kind of character I don't like. It shows immense skill. Selina is an easy pitch for me, I am trying so hard to remember if I knew Selina was on the take or not the first time I read it. I can't remember but it barely matters.

[gay-jesus-probably]

TOTK being like that makes a lot of sense when you look at Japanese propaganda and apologia about imperial Japan and I wish people who think you’re overreacting would look at that

Oh yeah, considerable smarter people than me have pointed out that TOTK's story and worldbuilding is pretty much an exact replica of the kind of propaganda that supported Japanese imperialism. And given that far right nationalism is a very active problem over there right now, having one of the biggest game companies in the world sell that as an extremely popular game meant for children is... alarming. To put it mildly.

I don't know enough about Japanese culture to feel qualified to comment on it though, but the points I've seen raised are pretty fucking concerning. And is also why I find it so infuriating that I keep getting condescending messages from people telling me that it's just a game and I'm reading too much into it. Though I also find those arguments to be pretty damning for the 'totk is a good story' crowd, because I've been rambling about this for weeks now, and so far literally the only arguments people have been able to raise against me are either just "it cant be imperialist propaganda, thats bad and the game said they're the good guys" or "why are you trying to get immersed in the story of a role playing game and analyze its themes, it's not that deep".

The thing is, I'd say I'm approaching this from a charitable pespective by trying to analyze the story. Because, as I've mentioned, if I take it all at face value, it's a boring mess that I couldn't possibly care less about. The darker undertones and implied politics of the game are the most interesting part of the writing. Otherwise all I'm left with is just some incredibly flat and boring writing.

I mean jesus christ, just look at Sidon's pathetic excuse for a character arc! He was acting completely normal, then suddenly he announced that actually he could not do the dangerous thing that needed to be done. Then Yona informed him he didn't want to do the thing because he was sad about Mipha, Sidon immediately realized he wasn't doing the thing because he was sad about Mipha, and then he decided he wasn't sad anymore and would go do the thing. And after that thirty second conversation, the writers really had the fucking nerve to have Yona say "Wow, he's grown so much as a person lately". It all just came right the fuck out of nowhere, with zero nuance or subtlety as they outright informed me "hey, he's having a character arc aaaand he's done PRAISE THE WRITERS FOR THEIR GENIUS". Like guys. Please. I could write more compelling dialogue when I was twelve, what the fuck is this.

[charlesdesvoeux]

top five tertiary characters from amc's the terror

WARNING: we're about to enter my mind palace aka The Terror That Exists In My Head bc some of these guys get like. 3 lines tops so a lot of my thoughts on them are informed by fics and whatnot but here it goes

1. Charles Des Voeux: my namesake, my sewer gremlin, my beloved. he doesn't get a whole lot of screen time but when he does it is DAMNING. he's bitchy, he's racist, he's weird he's a weirdo he doesn't fit in have you ever seen him without his stupid hat on. the dezza that exists in my head is indeed a very weird guy whose mind astounds me; he thinks he's doing a very good job at coming off as Normal but he is NOT everybody knows he's weird and they're either kind of scared or think he's pathetic. extremely classist (son of a baronet, after all) but also he was shipped off to the navy bc his own family found him a little unsettling so he resents them too. of course he also has a psychosexual fixation on Dr. Stanley and the stuff he is into sex-wise more generally would probably freak an average 21st century person out so you can imagine how his 19th century peers saw him.

2. Tommy Armitage: my darling tortured boy. i am SO fascinated by hickey's assessment of him just before carnivale (while he is delusional in many aspects he is great at reading people imo); why is he so fixated on the marines, why does he "long for it" in hickey's words? does he feel degraded by his work as a steward, essentially a servant? does he feel like he's a coward and wearing that red coat would give him courage, would mean that he's amounted to something in his life? he also feeds Heather at carnivale and I think that speaks volumes to the extent that tozer probably trusted him. his devotion to Sol- AND IT IS THERE IN CANON IMO, YOU HAVE TO LOOK FOR IT A LITTLE BIT BUT IT IS THERE- is also so interesting to me. He followed that man into mutiny, into ruin, saw him become a shadow of himself but continued to love him.

3. Henry Le Vesconte: yeah, I'm gonna call him tertiary. he doesn't have a lot of lines or screentime; I think he tends to be more prominent in fics due to his station as lieutenant (and bc from episode 3 onwards he was the only surviving lieutenant of erebus) and also because HE IS A CHARACTER WITH POTENTIAL. dandy-ish and charming, with just a touch of the rake. to see him broken and desperate and ultimately mutinous, abandoning crozier to the mutineers and the ill to their fate in a desperate attempt to prolong their survival when he started off sooooo different is very intriguing to me. also post-abandoning-captain-quiet-mutiny-starvation-march nedconte makes me feral.

4. William Pilkington: he went down but he went down swinging (he's the one who dies with a wilhelm scream). did you know he interacts with Armitage at least 3 times in the show??? considering how little time they get this is HUGE trust me #tommypilks is real. I see him as a guy who was probably pretty convivial and fun to be around before... everything that went down, maybe even a little cocky but in an endearing kind of way. to see the desperation in his face as him and Tommy try to talk tozer into going back to the ships and as they face tuunbaq for the final time and thinking about what he used to be.... Jesus Christ. There's also this image:

which I think about every day. "he has that sadness in his eyes" etc. and his expression as crozier is brought to mutineer camp. also interesting!!!!

5. Edmund Hoar: considering that he has like. 2 lines I think about him a lot. The fact that he rose to the post of captain's steward in his early 20s is really impressive imo but what really made me go "hey WHO is this guy" was the carnivale soup moment:

that's him on the left, Samuel Crispe from Terror on the right. like wait a minute what is going on here. a steward kind of has to maintain a level of "propriety" and "respectability" bc they work closely with command but fuck it- its carnivale, our id is showing, and hoar's id told him to get into the soup with this other guy nearly naked. two bros chilling in a big pot less than 5 feet apart cuz they are gay. also in my mind he's like the bratty teenage daughter to bridgens' impossibly patient dad and that dynamic is very dear to me.

bonus: my "canon OCs" (people that existed historically but were not mentioned in the show) William Elphinstone Malcolm (jirv's best friend who in my show!version is in love with him and jirv is also in love with him but won't admit it) and Eleanor Franklin (Franklin's daughter by his first wife who in my show!version is essentially "what if cornelius hickey was a Poor Little Rich Girl lesbian")

[cookinguptales]

tumblr please don't delete my read more it's important

really fighting feelings of worthlessness and loneliness lately and when I say bruhhhh there are days when I am not winning.

I just feel like I can't do anything right lately. my art isn't up to my usual standards, when I can even get it done. my home is a mess. my personal relationships are in shambles. one of the only family members who doesn't think I'm going to hell for being a gay blue-haired liberal has cancer and I feel selfish for even having feelings about it when I only just met her. (and it doesn't feel fair that I had to go without extended relatives who loved me for almost my entire life when I potentially had one right there but I'm well aware that that's pretty much the most selfish possible take on the situation, so I'm just keeping my mouth shut and trying to support the rest of the family.) I'm behind on my work, which is just complicating my personal relationships even more, and I just found out that things are about to become even more complicated at my job and like. jesus christ.

I'm just so fucking tired these days. I feel like I just keep getting sick and I keep getting behind and I can't do anything right. and I know a lot of that is just the weather changing and things will be easier once I'm in the pacific northwest in a couple weeks but. I can't tell you how stupid it feels that the weather can pull me apart like this. I barely leave the house these days but I get sick just sitting in rooms that have sunlight. it just makes me feel like I'm even more pathetic.

I keep trying to be positive on main but y'all I just feel like I can't offer anything to anyone these days, which I guess probably makes me try even harder to do it, which just makes me more upset when I fail because I'm spreading myself too thin.

idk. idk. I feel like I just need to sit in the woods by myself for a while and have a little cry. maybe once I get out to california. like damn, the trees don't care if you feel unlovable or not, they were there before me and hopefully they'll outlast me and there's something comforting about that, maybe. I have this weird, desperate need to earn love from people and you can't do that with a tree. it just is not possible. being out in nature makes that part of me go quiet for a few minutes sometimes.

I guess now is the part where I apologize and make some kind of self-deprecating joke about how I miss having a livejournal to pour my embarrassing thoughts out on but like. idk. I don't have the heart for it rn.

some of this is hormones, I know, but some of it is just. a lot of things are really shitty right now. they just happened to coincide with when I'm having body-wracking cramps because fuck me, that's why.

there's no end to this post and I'll probably delete it later. I just had to get it out in words bc it's the way I process things. this isn't a cry for help anything, I just had to talk and the notes app is not doin it anymore. bye.

[misireads]

Harrow the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir

[ physical book, read in english ]

well this post is just going to be one big spoiler of both gideon the ninth and this book so. here's the spoiler-free review:

oh my ghod. oh my go my hod oh my god oh my gofd oh my

and here's the rest:

💀🚀🌊

after the bombastic finale of the first locked tomb book, harrowhark has become a lyctor and been taken to god's VIP space station with ianthe, the only other lyctor from their canaan house adventure. with the mentorship of two (or three, if attempted murder is mentorship) remaining older lyctors, they begin to prepare for joining the cosmic battle against "resurrection beasts" that roam the space. but something's not right with harrowhark; she's weak, sickly, and doesn't remember gideon having ever existed.

parallel to this, there's another timeline that's an alternate re-telling of the events in canaan house, except that nothing's the same. cavaliers and heirs begin to die in different order from the original, and the murders seem to be committed by a single gun-wielding, mysterious entity they call "the sleeper". also, harrow's cavalier is ortus, the man who was originally meant to be her cav but refused and was quickly killed off in the first book.

��� you. never. know. what you get. in the locked tomb

➕ i love love love love muir's writing on so many levels. first and foremost i'm a lover of words and her words continue to be delightful. the writing also manages to be confusing as fuck but in a way that you parse together in the end anyway, at least eventually. usually. like this book really established what lyctors even are because that wasn't super clear in the first book. and even when you don't understand, it doesn't matter all that much because the words themselves are so good anyway. i'm thoroughly duped by her writing tbh

➕ how genius are the PoV changes here. at first i was like, ehhh a second person PoV? not sure how i feel about that… then i was like, oh it's to differentiate it jumping between this AU version of the first book events and the so-called present! okay i see now, pretty clever. then i got fucking annihilated by the chapter ending with the line about palamedes seeing "me" i have never ever ever been so

➕ DEVASTATED AND SIMULTANEOUSLY EXCITED ABOUT A FUCKING BOOK CHAPTER IN MY LIFE THAN I WAS BY THAT ONE!!!! gosh. just thinking about it makes me tingle. in all the places. jesus fucking christ i have not been into a fictional character like this in so long, this book was a horrible terrible lovely rollercoaster ride for a devout palamedes sextus fangirl. when i realised there's a re-telling of the first book i was like, and the sixth were there? :) the sixth were there right?? and then they were and it was to say their faces had been blown out and they died. and i was like oh. okay. well. and then in the jungle planet chapter camilla appears and i was like YEESS HEERRR IT'S HER YEEES SHE'S HERE because half a six is still good. and then just ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh auyughhghhhhhhhh himmmmmmmm i WAS DECIMATED!!!!!!!!! in a good way. and the scene about palamedes and camilla was also sooo good because it really paved the way for there obviously being more of them later. and because that "later" wasn't in this book, it has to be the third. which already WAS MADE IMMINENT IN THE EPILOGUE!!!! YOU GIVE ME A FUCKING NUCLEAR BOMB OF A BOOK AND THEN END IT WITH AN EPILOGUE THAT ENDS WITH A MENTION ABOUT PALAMEDES' BEAUTIFUL EYEESSS??????? OUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

➕ okay. alright. umm. absolutely hilarious how in the first book we had gideon's voice which was full of ass and whimsy (which i kind of forgot, until she kicked in here and it was a blast) and harrowhark was kind of mysterious and really strong and just. like. kinda cool. and in this one? we have harrow's point of view and she is such a pathetic little meow meow. can't fight, kisses a girl, likes to be hugged. learns to make soup (even if it is murder soup, but anyway). not to mention that the whole premise of this book is that she loves gideon so much that she refused to live an existence without her and preferred tampering with her brain over that. what a fucking gigantic gay tsundere ass bitch i can't believe it, in my gideon the ninth post i said i didn't quite ship-ship them but appreciated them but you can't just read a story like this and not be like oooookay guys here we are. they are married. and the little sort-of triangle with ianthe? even that i love. especially ianthe calling her harry

➕ i also really enjoyed abigail and magnus being alive more because i adoooore these hets. and obviously dulcinea, the REAL dulcinea. can't be a pal fangirl without loving dulcie like he does

➕ a grande finale battle being fought by an ancient figure who's brought to life by harrow chiming in to ortus' slowburn fanfiction about the guy? bro. but also, it was so funny that the characters have all sorts of cool necromancy magic powers and fight with fancy swords and then an enemy walks in with a gun like, you fucking stupid idiots. and shoots them

➕ we have a canon coffee shop AU here, somehow.

➖ now. honestly…. i didn't really understand what happened in the story. and that sounds diabolical when i loved the book so much. but i truly kind of dropped the ball, especially with all the soap opera-ing at the end there. but i'm not even mad because it means i can re-read and understand better in the future (or read summaries online. either works) plus i'm pretty sure the third book will explain this all about gideon's parents better. much like i truly didn't understand rat's ass about lyctors and god in the first.

⭐ score: 5 -- i give up, i'll go for the full five, because i can't justify anything less for myself after having to put a book away for a minute just to kind of squeal and squirm in my chair over a chapter, i loved it soooooo much. and there's still one more book?! i have NO idea how the story of gideon and harrowhark can continue from here but i assume it does. somehow. these books man, you just have no idea what happens. either way i'll be there for palamedes' beautiful eyes.

[riamuposting]

Update post!

You guys ever been so happy and excited you couldnt sleep all night or the morning after? Something like that happened to me while I was gone, but make it fucked up ahd posible hypomania

Tldr is I got too happy while infodumping that it caused what was likely at least a hypomanic episode, couldn't sleep all night, and was spouting nonsense and laughing at everything. Stayed more than 24 hrs awake.

Man that was scary, I thought I would never sleep, and the day after when I got my logic and normal reasoning back I felt so guilty and weird and bad bc i made my mom suffer so much (I always do...)

Long detailed storytime post under the cut

Okay, so... as part of my "be less miserable" proyect, I have been out of my room more often and having tons of random conversations with my family, mostly my mom. My mom let me talk to her one night about an old hyperfixation I'm admittedly still not fully over... MLP.

I just talked about the lore and my own personal plothole fixes/theories mixed in to the story, and I got more and more happy and energetic. I talked and talked enough for my mom to be bored senseless, so she asked me to let her rest for a while. I ended up talking to my little brother about my theories, dang how pathetic (I'm 19 he is recently 13)

I try and try to sleep at like 10pm and well, 3 am comes around and all i have been able to do is stare and the ceiling and be a fucking philosophist for hours. I thought about the most stupid shit imaginable, like... "Luke Skywalker is the star wars jesus christ" kind of stupid. I go downstairs to eat something and hydrate and I hear something in the room of my brother and my hyper and sleep deprived ass thinks it is a good idea to check if my brother is awake so I won't be alone anymore (no likey, boring and sad). Tldr he is awake to pee and I scare the shit out of him, he kindly tells me to go fuck myself.

5:30am, getting my lil brother ready for school... and well, poor mom, having to cook and wash last nights dishes while dealing with a sleep deprived and hyperactive Luna(me), I was such a handful. After my lil brother is gone I just continue to pester her and that is when I tell her I never went to sleep bc I was too happy/excited and I start blabbering about my mid night thoughts even while trying to stay quiet...

Mom is keeping me busy while she has breakfast and shit, she let me stay with her bc I was looking a bit off and very energetic, and she was probably worried or something. After like a couple hours of trying to make me exhausted enough to sleep she gives me a double serving of a relaxing sleep tea she had on hand, I calm down enough to not be a chatterbox but im still laughing at every fucking thing. (I thought the pun "tea-licious" was histerical. Seriously.)

I am sent to my room to try to sleep again, and although I am more chill, I get no sleep. Lunch comes around, I eat, and I'm still not asleep. I'm given something a bit stronger, and finally after an hour and something of more ceiling staring, I fall asleep.

---------------

[storiumemporium]

IT'S TIME BABIE I'M WATCHING ONLY MURDERS IN THE BUILDING WHILE WE DO THIS

“I could love you for more than a day,” you tell Aegon, smiling, drowsy, sipping you blush-pink Salty Dog at the rooftop bar in Kansas City. It’s June, tornado season: a clashing of contradictory air currents, quintessentially American destruction. “Yeah?” he says, daylight spilling out of his gaps under the night sky: the gleam of string lights reflected in his cobalt eyes, the white of his teeth, the eternal-summer warmth of his voice.

ABSOLUTELY BABEY I LOVE YOU SM

You're truly such a lovely man, I adore you 🥹

“Aegon,” you say, and you wait until he’s done downing his Salty Dog and is looking at you again. “Someone’s inability to love you has nothing to do with your merit to receive it. It’s about them, it’s not about you. And that’s especially true when it comes to parents. If your father can’t be there for you in the way that he should, that’s his deficit, not yours. He’s the one missing pieces of himself. He’s the one who has failed. You can’t use his inadequacy to measure your worth. You should be proud of yourself for succeeding in spite of him. You should be proud of the person you are.” He’s spinning his empty glass between his palms, amused, perhaps somewhat anxious; he is afraid of the answer. “And what kind of person am I?” He waits for one of those familiar soulless tropes to resurface, the disaster playboy, the hot loser, the paradoxically remiss eldest brother, the addict, the slut, the comic relief. You say instead, somehow knowing that it’s true: “A good one.”

Oh this is about to hurt me, isn't it ha h a 🥹

Aegon rubs your back, gentle and sympathetic. “Would weed gummies help?”

Oh baby ilysm, the attempt is appreciated 😭

“Percocet? Oxy? Valium? I know where to get heroin in Vegas, but I wouldn’t want you mixed up in something like that.”

You're so loving and so misguided it's making my heart fucking hurt— 😭

You gaze pathetically at him. “I’m eight weeks pregnant.” “Oh, fuck,” Aegon gasps. “It’s Aemond’s.” “Oh, fuck! How…? When…?!” “Tokyo. Club Camelot. Just once. And then we never talked about it again.” “Jesus Christ, you love a spontaneous bar bathroom hookup.” He blinks a few times, processing this revelation. “You don’t have to have it, you know. If you don’t want to. You have options. Maybe you wouldn’t back in Kansas, but—”

You know it's true friendship when they can gently flame you even as they're trying to comfort you in a hard time 💀

“But you can’t leave,” Aegon says. And his large, murky, deep blue eyes are glistening.

Babygirl please I love you but you're Actually a hazard to an infant 😭

Aegon says suddenly: “Let’s get married.”

I'm gonna cry Maggie wait—

“I’m not a sex addict. I’m a sex enthusiast.”

Now he smiles, faintly, sadly. “And you want a different Targaryen.”

In another world babygirl, in another world 🥹

“You have to tell him,” Aegon insists, pointing to your belly, not showing yet but soon, soon, so soon. “If you’re keeping it, then that’s my family in there. You can’t just haul it off to the hellscape that is the American Midwest and push the rest of us out of its life. It can’t be a secret forever. Aemond would want to be involved. I want to be involved.”

No I'm not kidding when I say I'm going to CRY BITCH—

“Hey,” Aegon says. Gingerly, he turns your face towards his with one hand. His cheeks are splotchy with pink sunburn. He’s sweating out White Claws and Coppertone Sport. “I know you think you’re doing this alone, but you aren’t. I’m going to take care of you.”

Here goes the waterworks I'm about to make a TSwift song abt Aegon

You look at him with tears brimming in your eyes, hot, ashamed, blurring out your vision. “You’re so different than Aemond. You’re weightless and warm like daylight. You glow. But you do that for everyone, not just me. And I can’t count on you.” “I love you,” Aegon says. “Not in a Jack and Rose on the Titanic way. In a different way. But I’m never going to forget about you, Stargirl. I get that I might disappear for a while, but I’m never going to not come back someday.”

The fact that it's not the same way, and yet somehow feels so much more special for it? That it's not just the intense, romantic sort of love that can burn out as fast as it comes- but the sort of unyielding love of people who can see each other, and can speak for each other?

Like, finding that sort of burning passion for someone is easy. Finding someone who makes your chest unclench? Who makes you think "ah, that's home." Someone you can be so completely intimate with and it comes without expectation? To have someone I could cuddle with, who could barge into my room and cuddle with me? To feel utterly safe no matter how vulnerable?

I love them I'm gonna be SICK—

“You want some help?” You stare at him from where you are kneeling on the cold tile. “Really?” “Yeah. You look…wobbly. You sit on the shower floor, I’ll wash your hair.”

Quit quit quit quit I can't handle it my heart is full and hurting at the same time I'm A WEEPY BITCH FUCK GODDAMN

You laugh; it feels incredible. “I will gratefully accept your offer. I might not have a choice, actually. I don’t think I can keep my arms above my head for that long.” Aegon stands, walks into the shower, starts reading bottles. “You want to smell like Japanese cherry blossoms or a coconut?” He pauses. “A fatherless clandestine bastard child conceived in Tokyo. Cherry blossoms it is.”

He's so playful and so gentle I'm committing Minecraft, how DARE he be such a fucking mess and such a sweet boy at the same time

“Stargirl!” Aegon scolds mildly, ambling over to massage your shoulders. “I told you not to eat all those New York-New York corn dogs!” He shakes his head and smiles casually at Baela. “You can’t take these Midwestern girls anywhere. They see battered meat on a stick and lose all control.”

Nah because I love Aegon sm but I really didn't expect the wombo combo of him taking it so well and coming through SO HARD for Stargirl.

“She died?” You cradle the plushie shark in your arms. Suddenly, without warning, there are tears welling up in your eyes. You are distraught. You are consumed by irrational pregnancy hormones. “And she was the only shark of her kind here? So she didn’t have anyone who could understand her? She must have been so lonely.”

Poor Aemond is oblivious to the fucking MINEFIELD he's stepping into mentioning animals around Stargirl 😭

“It’s sad, bruh,” Aegon sniffles, conjuring up some tears in his large, oceanic eyes. “The only one of her kind, bruh.”

Aegon actor arc when?

“Thank you for taking care of them,” she is saying, as Criston holds her and blushes a dark hectic pink. Then she turns her attention to Daeron and Aemond, touching their faces and their hair, asking if they are sleeping well, what they have been eating, what their favorite parts of the tour have been thus far. Aegon has not moved from your side. He fidgets awkwardly, shuffling in his Crocs, slurping on the Double Chocolatey Chip Frappuccino he bought from a Starbucks in the Excalibur. One of the strangers—a weathered older man in a grey suit, tall and vigilant like a wolfhound—examines him with a cool pale gaze. Aegon evades it.

Oh I'm already upset over this 😭

The third stranger, oddly, comes directly to you. She is delicate, nimble, light eyes and hair like watercolors, soft and edgeless. She makes you think of birds: sweet songs, hollow bones. She takes your hands in hers and beams like she’s known you for years, like you are old friends. “You must be the one Aemond has told us so much about.”

SWEET BABY HELAENAAAAAAAAA~

“No, I know who Shelby is,” the stranger says; and her dreamy, girlish voice is perfectly neutral. She might as well be making some throwaway comment about a squirrel in a tree, a fish in a koi pond. “I mean you. The girl made of stars.”

Aemond I love you, you are the most emotionally constipated individual on the planet. How are you waxing poetic about me while also refusing to make eye contact 😭😭😭

“What on earth are you drinking?” Otto chides Aegon, wrinkling his dignified nose. Aegon is stung, although he tries to hide it. “It’s a Double Chocolatey Chip Frappuccino. It’s delicious.” “It’s a milkshake for adults. It’s diabetes in a cup. Put some effort into taking care of yourself for once, it’ll make you feel better.” Aegon says flatly: “Yeah, I’m so glad you guys stopped by.”

Yep I'm going to beat the shit out of a couple old men I TELL YOU HWHAT—

Alicent looks to Criston; he smiles bashfully in return. “Well, Criston mentioned that you’d be in town, and your father just so happened to have a convention to attend here over some of the same days, so I figured…why not drop in and surprise my wonderful, accomplished, handsome sons?” Her prominent umber eyes drift to you. Helaena is still clasping your hands. “And their…friends.”

I know Alicent is trying her best (luv u mamas) but it still leaves a sour taste in my mouth while Aegon is standing there without a touch of affection being berated over a fuckin frappuccino 🤡

“I’ve got drinks!” Aegon announces, appearing with a loaded tray. He weaves between chairs to deliver the beverages. “A pina colada for me…a strawberry daiquiri for Rhaena…a Twisted Pink for Luke…a margarita for Mom…no!” he barks at Daeron as the youngest Targaryen (for now, for the next approximately seven months) tries to grab a red slushie. “Not that one!” Daeron is confounded. “But it’s a strawberry daiquiri. Isn’t that what I ordered?” “Yeah, but that specific daiquiri is Stargirl’s.” “What makes it different?” “Extra whipped cream,” Aegon says without missing a beat. He passes it to you. Nonalcoholic is what it actually is: sweet and refreshing and without any bite whatsoever.

Aegon please why are you so sweet and good at this WHY do you have to be a WRECK you could be my BABY DADDY GOD—

“You’re freaking me out,” Criston says. “Cregan? I’m scared. What’s he up to?”

For once? Nothing but goodness, baby 😭

“But I’m not normal.” And her eyes glisten with it: this knowledge that can’t be escaped, a lifetime of whispers and rumors and being hopelessly misunderstood.

Bbgirl I love you it's okay being normal means wearing beige and doing taxes—

And only now do you realize you have an audience, peering over with wide eyes: Alicent, Criston, Shelby, Aemond, Aegon, Cregan and the Victoria’s Secret models, Otto wearing the first smile you’ve ever seen from him. Helaena, calmed and content, goes to sit by him; he begins braiding a green ribbon into a lock of her hair.

Please that was so cute, also I hate you Otto but I'll respect your girl grandpa ways 🥲

“For the record,” Aegon says. “I am definitely dirt.”

Bbgirl you're MAGICAL

“Um. In a minute.”

Please Aemond is such a horny fuckin teenager I love him so much 😭😭😭

“Careful,” Aegon says, grabbing your arm to stead you on the steps. “They’re slippery.”

Yknow rent a tux? Yeah Aegon but it's with one of Cristons "I'm not a step dad, I'm a dad who stepped up" shirts. It will be returned with Dubious Stains.

Now Shelby is saying something to Alicent at the other end of the long table. You don’t listen too closely, because you’re in the habit of mentally muting her. Still, you can’t help but catch snippets. It’s about the importance of public figures being good role models. “…So it’s probably for the best that she’s not interested. Young girls are very impressionable, you know.”

Great, the walking talking human equivalent of a picked scab is having Opinions on Things. 😒

“Um, not really, no. I think a popstar’s job is to be a popstar, not to impersonate Mother Teresa or stop global warming or anything. They’re not running for president. But I mean, yeah, I guess they shouldn’t be murderers, so I agree like 1%.”

HELL YEAH STARGIRL GETTEM, navigating all of that EFFORTLESSLY, we stan

“Lovely Shelby,” Jace says, taunting her. “Are you implying that our supernaturally poised and responsible Stargirl would set some sort of nefarious example for the little girls of planet Earth?” “Yeah. That’s exactly what I’m saying.” Now Shelby is staring fixedly at you, cold like deep water. “Because of what happened when you were in high school.”

Oh naur this rancid BITCH—

How…? Aemond…? But no: he looks just as horrified as you do, this is the last thing he expected, he didn’t think she knew, his eyes fly to yours and stay there, frenetic blue emotions but no words.

Oh bb this is a Nightmare but I'm glad it wasn't you 😭😭😭

Your hands are shivering violently. You take one deep, shaky breath. “Actually, what happened was—” Aemond lunges to his feet. “Don’t,” he commands you, holding up a hand. Then he turns to Shelby. His voice is deeper than you’ve ever heard it, stormy, cutting, wrathful. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

HAHAHAHAHAHA YEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

“No, don’t you dare look at her,” Aemond seethes. “You don’t look at her. You look at me.”

“What the hell does she have to be ashamed of?” Aemond asks Shelby. “She doesn’t use people. She doesn’t sell false versions of herself. She is kind, and wise, and forgiving, and beloved. And what are you? A professional liar. A manipulator, a snake. Someone who knows how to pity but not how to cure.”

AEMOND BABY PLEASE 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

“And if you fight me,” Aemond says. “Or if I hear a whisper of you trying to disparage anybody at this table, I will end you, Shelby. Every app you use to edit your photos, every so-called friend you’ve worked to sabotage, every sponsorship you haven’t disclosed, I’ll expose all of it. I’d call up the fucking Rolling Stone if they cared enough about you to publish it. I will end you. Now stand up.”

Officer I swear I was just wading in waist high water that's why I'm drenched that's ALL OFFICER I PROMISE I SWEAR—

“Good.” Then he looks fiercely around the table, pausing to lock eyes with every single person. His meaning is clear. You will not ask questions. You will forget this happened. He sits back down beside Shelby’s vacated seat and pops a red grape into his mouth.

We love a man who can flip sweetness and danger like a fucking switch on his woman's behalf. (Not that he himself is even aware that Stargirl is his.)

“Need a napkin?” Aegon asks; he has followed you. “I don’t actually have one. But I could take my shirt off and give you that.”

That's nasty, but in a sweet way..? So you get a pass this time, weird ass boy

“I figure if it was something you wanted me to know about, you would have already told me.” He smirks. “I do think it’s interesting that Aemond knows something about you I don’t.”

Respectful Boundaries King 😩👌

“Oh. Right.” He considers you with great sympathy. “A lot of discomfort over something that’s the size of what, a chicken nugget?”

“Her husband…he’s…he’s not a great guy, you know? And Alicent, she’s…she’s so…she’s so incredible but so sad, she’s been through hell this past year, and after Aemond was hurt we…uh…well we spent a lot of time in hospital rooms together…and I just love her hair and her eyes, and her devotion to her family, and the way she smells…”

Criston you are ASTRONOMICALLY DOWN BAD my king, but that's okay ily anyhow 😭

“Watch out for him,” she says quietly, discretely. “Anytime his parents visit, he’s a little extra fucked up for a while.”

Mmmmmmmmmm don't Like That

You contemplate this for a while before you choose your words. “In my opinion, Aemond needs to know that his contributions to Comet were real and they he will always be welcome here. But he also needs to find a new purpose. He’s a guest in the band. He’s not a part of it anymore. He can’t go back to who he was before the accident, he’s learned too much about how people treated him when he was hurt. Even if he got up on stage again for a farewell performance—which I think would be beneficial for him—he’s never going to be a full-time popstar again. He needs something else. I don’t know what that thing is, but he needs to be free to find it.”

That purpose is coming at him REAL FUCKING FAST BESTIE—

“You haven’t looked good for a few weeks now,” Luke says. “I don’t mean that in a rude way. You just seem sad or sick or something. Or both.”

I mean you're not necessarily wrong bb 😭😭😭

“We’ll be back in Kansas City in a few weeks,” you whisper as you collapse onto the bed, one hand resting on your not-showing-but-soon belly. And as your eyes drift shut, you realize how good home sounds, better than it ever has before. Is that nesting? Is that just getting older? You don’t want to leave Comet. But you do want your real life to begin.

That's what happens when you spend an extended period of time with addicts and generally INSANE people, babe. You're ready to breathe 😭

He doesn’t reply, doesn’t move. You reach out to shove him. His eyes are closed; he is limp. He’s not breathing.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!??!?!?!??!?!?!?

“Aegon?!” you shriek, shaking him, hitting him. There’s no part of him that is glowing now. The sun has set, but the moon is full: his skin is silvery-white and bloodless. You’re screaming for anyone who will hear you.

YOUR PROSE HAS NO BUSINESS GOING THIS HARD FUCKING BLOODBORNE ASS LINES WHILE I'M PANICKING BABY NO—

“Come on, Aegon,” Aemond is saying, patiently but firmly, slapping at his brother’s face, pinching his cheeks. No blood rushes in to darken the battered flesh. “We’re all here. We’re all waiting for you. Come on back.”

I'm gonna do something drastic 🥹😭

“Second dose of Narcan,” Criston tells Cregan as he stops compressions and administers another round. And that does it: Aegon gasps, jolts, comes alive again. His skin transforms from blue to white to pink. “Jesus fucking Christ,” Criston hisses, and buries his face in his hands, trembling with relief and adrenalin. Cregan is informing the 911 dispatcher that the patient is back from the dead. Aemond lifts his brother so he’s sitting upright and holds him, smoothing back his hair, murmuring to him words too hushed to understand. Aegon says, dazed: “Did I do it again?” “Yeah. Yeah you did. But you’re back now.” “I’m sorry, Aemond.” “Stop—” “I’m so sorry. I should have been at soundcheck.” “Stop, Aegon. It’s over, it’s done. None of us knew what would happen.” There are glittering, glass-like tears on Aegon’s face. His voice is choked and heavy, so heavy. “I’ve never wanted to hurt you.” “You’re hurting me now.” “One of these times you should just let me die.” “But then who would torment Father? I don’t have nearly as much talent for it.” Now they are both laughing, and you see that Aemond has a few tears of his own: only from his right eye, only from the one that fate spared.

I'm sorry I have to rip this entire scene bcause I'm in so MUCH PAIN OH MY FUCKING

GOD

OW???? OUCHIES!?!?!?

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH AND I'M HURTING SO MUCH AND WHEN YOU SAID THIS TOPIC WOULD COME UP IN THE NEXT CHAPTER THIS IS N O T WHAT I HAD IN MIND MY HEART IS CRYING FUCK—

The way Aegon is just chewing himself to pieces in this fucking horrifying cycle, he's hurting so he hurts himself, he hurts the people he loves so he hurts himself, but hurting himself hurts them and hurting them hurts him, so he just keeps fucking spiraling for it. And no one can force him to get help, to get better, but no one is reaching out to touch him, either.

And that Aemond can stay so calm through something so fucking terrifying and to have it in his face how miserable his big brother is, and how the VERY VERY FIRST thing that comes to his mind is Aemond and his eye and how fucking sorry he is. How he deserves to just die for it.

My boys. Those are my BOYS.

“I haven’t helped him at all,” you say to Aemond. “Not last June. Not now. Never.”

Pls baby we're like the only steady good thing in his life 🥹

“That’s not true. You don’t know where he started.” He watches you, this man who sees so much and yet so little, who maybe loves you but sometimes hates you and is the father of a soon-to-be child that you already feel you know. “Do you love him?” “Yes. But not in the way you mean. I would kill for Aegon, but I’d never marry him.” Aemond chuckles, like this is a ludicrous combination of words. “Has he asked?” And then when he sees your face, too exhausted and woeful to censor itself, his jaw drops open.

HAHAHHAGSJGSGJGS PLEASE HE'S SEEING MOTHMAN AND BIGFOOT GET COFFEE TOGETHER

He smiles. “That’s fair, I guess. Everything I’ve written since June has been about you anyway.”

Okay I've copied way too much already so I'm not going to take from the paragraph but—

Aemond seeing Stargirl the exact same way she does Aegon is such a heavy, deafening, drowning realization to have. The irony is so fucking painful and so revealing, this little circle of viewing the other as out of reach, the sun in the sky, warm for a reptile to sun themselves against, but never to covet for their own.

Quite revealing as to what goes on in their minds, too. The difference being, Aegon also doesn't believe he can be touched.

And then his tender little confession that Stargirl became his muse? UGH—

Aegon is dressed in a pale blue hospital gown, no neon. His feet are bare; you can tell because one of them is sticking out from under the blankets. His hair is slicked back from his face. He is afflicted with a slew of twisted wires and beeping monitors. But he is still Aegon: beautiful, bright, generally harmless to anyone except himself. He blinks blearily up at you. “No one has ever loved me, and it’s because I don’t deserve it.”

Can you stop hurting me

For

FIVE

Minutes!?!?

“You can’t leave me,” you say softly, tears falling down onto his blankets. “I can’t do this without you. Not just the tour. Everything. I can’t live in a world without you in it. You can’t leave Comet. You can’t leave me.” And Aegon murmurs, petulant like a child as he drowns in sleep: “You’re leaving me first.”

Apparently NOT because

FUCKING OW

I'm not saying this to be dramatic, I think this is one of the best pieces you've written, it's fucking phenomenal. You haven't shied away from topics like this and yet you still managed to sideline me with it, I just didn't expect that this would happen so abruptly, all of the signs where there from like- chapter two, and yet so wrapped up in everything else it didn't even occur to me that he's going to hit the wall eventually.

Once again, incredible work, some of your best amongst a sea of already amazing pieces.

I'm going to put Aegon in my trunk.

Comet Donati [Chapter 8: Fool’s Gold]

Series Summary: Sex, drugs, boy bands. You are a kinda-therapist recruited (via nepotism) to help Comet Donati through a recent crisis. Things are casual with Aegon, very not-casual with Aemond. Loosely inspired by One Direction.

Chapter Warnings: Language, references to sexual content (+18), drugs, alcohol, smoking, Aemond being very horny for one person in particular, mental health struggles, pregnancy, bodily injury, illness, death, a Targaryen family reunion, the tragedy of a hammerhead shark.

Selected Chapter Quote: “Do you love him?”

Word count: 9.9k.

Link to chapter list (and all my writing): HERE.

Taglist: ​​@doingfondue��� @catalina-howard​ @randomdragonfires​ @myspotofcraziness​ @arcielee​ @fan-goddess​ @talesofoldandnew​ @marvelescvpe​ @tinykryptonitewerewolf​ @mariahossain​ @chainsawsangel​ @darkenchantress​ @not-a-glad-gladiator​ @gemini-mama​ @trifoliumviridi​ @herfantasyworldd​ @babyblue711​ @namelesslosers​ @thelittleswanao3​ @daenysx​ @moonlightfoxx​ @libroparaiso​ @burningcoffeetimetravel-fics​ @mizfortuna​ @florent1s​ @heimtathurs​ @bhanclegane​ @poohxlove​ @narwhal-swimmingintheocean​ @heavenly1927​ @mariahossain​ @echos-muses​ @padfooteyes​ @minttea07​ @queenofshinigamis​ @juliavilu1​ @amiraisgoingthruit​ @lauraneedstochill​ @wintrr13​ @r0segard3n​ @seabasscevans​ @tsujifreya​ @helaenaluvr​ @hiraethrhapsody​​

Only 2 chapters left! 💜

“I could love you for more than a day,” you tell Aegon, smiling, drowsy, sipping you blush-pink Salty Dog at the rooftop bar in Kansas City. It’s June, tornado season: a clashing of contradictory air currents, quintessentially American destruction.

Keep reading

[eddie-munsons-blog]

“But GOD FUCKING DAMMIT! Let it overflow! Do something stupid! I’m stupid! Do me! I’M YOURS! Fuck, I've never been courted like that! Makes my fucking brain melt!”

To Eddie ♡

Oh eddie… I- I don’t even know what to say- your blushing? Hiding behind your hair? Because of ME. LITTLE OL ME. the “IM YOURS” line made me scream into my pillow so thanks a lot. I know you are eddie- I know EXCALTY how you are and that’s why I like you so much…and yeah I might seem really excited and confident now but- Eddie I’m a nobody..I’m not loud in public like you- and I’m shy..YOU make me shy..

Everything about you gets me flustered! I CANT tell you who I am..you don’t even know me. But I know you..and Eddie your best guy there ever was and you get a lot of attention..I’m just a spec in your world. But I’m trying out here..I like writing to you. I like making you feel special because it’s what you deserve eddie..and honestly I can’t contain the way I feel about you so this helps me a lot. I have thought and written pages about! With lipstick kisses all over the paper it’s embarrassing. But I’m telling you because you need to know someone out here is that crazy about you. Anytime is see something- for example this leather jacket I saw at the thrift store- I think of you..and this one metallic silver nail polish I have..you! And the time I went out with my friends and I saw this guy- with long dark hair I thought my heart was gonna burst out of my chest..but he wasn’t you when he turned around..

And my friends oh my friends try so hard to make me move on..but I never could. Id never be able to move on eddie, you consume me. I don’t care if all I get to do is watch from a far it’s enough for me as long as it’s you..

Is it true your hitting your pillow right now? *Thank you Percy* <3

also I told myself I’d stop with two letters of me acting pathetic but here I am..

~ From your secret admirer ♡

I appreciate your honesty. I know I seem dangerous, dangerously loud, with dangerous opinions that more than not make me enemies... But don't put me on a pedestal. As much as being complemented by you flatters me, I'm just a guy. A loud loser, really.

You act as though you have nothing to give, and I’m holding the keys to the world. Yet I am the one that is empty-handed while you bring gift upon gift in the form of kindness.

Do you know how hard it is when your heart longs for somebody it doesn't know? I don't know what you look like, I don't even know your name, and yet I feel like burning alive with every letter of yours.

At least you can admire me from afar, have your mind run loose over me. I have nothing, even though knowing your feelings is everything!

I promise you that through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I will find a way to have this work whenever you're ready.

So, I beg of you, let your friends stay ingnoted and don't move on from me—Stay. Stay right here with me, hidden away behind a letter. For love is only a four-lettered word that I will lay at your feet, kneeling before you.

✨Percy’s note✨: Jesus Christ. Can you believe that's the same guy that flunked English twice? He's probably turning this whole thing into a song as we speak—well, no. He lies there on the carpet and is dramatically dying like his own personal brand of Romeo. 🙄

[alligaytorswamp]

U kno i stopped being friends w someone what feel like long time ago.. and like absolute fool I'm still thinking about them every fucking day

[letstalkaboutfandomsbaby]

Scummy, sleazy!Naoya who’s your next door neighbor and you honestly can’t stand him. He’s stomping his feet and slamming shit 24/7, plays his music or tv loud at all hours of the night and don’t get me started on the banchee screaming women that are in and out almost every night. You tried to be nice, asked him to keep it down a little. I mean, he’s not the only person that lives in the building, right? He should just respect his neighbors but you didn’t know what you started by coming to him at 11 at night, banging on his door to “keep it down asshole people are trying to sleep!” Well now, it seems like you’re not getting any sleep because every night, as soon as you’re tucked in and your head hits the pillow, you hear the wet, sloppy sound of Naoya jerking his cock in his room, that just happens to be next to your room and, what’s that? Is he actually moaning you’re name??!! 👀👀

BABE?? YOUR MIND IS JUST—JUST SO BIG JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

Ok, ok, you've forced my hand. I have to write Naoya x chubby fem reader bc my mind is RACING with possibilities

CW: chubby fem reader, misogyny, fatphobia, some bullying, male masturbation, breeding kink, allusions to baby trapping

Jesus christ ok—

Scummy!Naoya is the absolute WORST

Imagine living next door to this bastard as a woman jesus christ

Now let's be clear: Naoya is not a good guy here sksksk he is still an arrogant misogynist who deserves a good kick in the nuts

But... *debby ryan ear tuck* he's still kinda hot sksksk

ANYWAYS yall are neighbors and he's a NIGHTMARE

Always making noise, never listening to your gentle requests to please turn the volume down bc you have to wake up early for work

He just simply doesn't care about you and your stupid problems

I imagine Naoya as this privileged little playboy who lives off daddy's money and has never had to work a day in his life

He doesn't like the apartment he lives in, he thinks it's too cheap and dingy, but again, living off daddy's money so he doesn't really have a say where he lives

He still complains tho sksksk

And he doesn't care for his neighbors

He wishes he could live in a penthouse with a new girl in his bed every night, but nooooooo he has to live in a corner apartment with you as his nextdoor neighbor

Speaking of you: he hates you skskks

He thinks you're so ANNOYING: your smile, your laugh, the baggy clothes you wear when you walk around the apartment complex

He thinks you're a sad excuse for a woman, working and living alone and weighing far more than average

He thinks you're pathetic and he HATES that you love yourself as much as you do

He doesn't go out of his way to speak to you, but if you do interact, he's far less than kind

"You're still single? I'm not surprised, seeing the way you look and the fact that you're as independent as the average man. Maybe if you lost a few pounds and acted like a lady, people would like you more."

He's clearly insecure about himself and just taking it out on you bc you're pretty and nice and sexy and funny and perfect and he can't stand it 🙄💅

But you're unbothered bc you're confident and know your worth and some pencil dick weasel like him can't ruin that 😌

He's still a pain in the ass tho 😒

Always playing his shitty rap music and stupid shows super late and super loud

And then there's the plethora of women who stop by to have screaming matches with him

They wail and cry about how he cheated on them and he always claims that they weren't even dating which makes the screaming WORSE

The sound of slamming doors and thrown objects has become far more common than you would like

One night you've just had enough: you have to be up at 6am and Naoya has been watching TV at full volume for the last two hours and you're DONE

You stomp over to his apartment in your pajamas and bang on his door nonstop until he answers

"What the hell do you—"

"NO," you interrupt, jabbing his chest with your finger. "I'm tired of telling you to quiet down. You're a fucking adult; you need to start acting like one and be respectful of other people. If you don't turn your shit down, I will call the police and get your ass thrown out of this apartment. Don't fucking try me."

You stomp back to your apartment without another word, sending him one last glare before slamming your door shut.

To your surprise, the TV is turned down quite a bit and you're finally able to rest

Naoya can't sleep tho, still shocked by everything that transpired

He's never seen you so angry before, your eyebrows furrowed, lips turned down into the meanest frown he's ever seen, making your pretty plump features look ugly—

Wait

Pretty??

Shit... now that he thought about it, you really were pretty, with your bright eyes and plush frame, looking so soft and delectable. He wondered if you tasted as good as you looked—

WHAT NO WAIT NO HE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO THINK OF YOU IN THAT WAY!! You were just some stupid fat woman that lived nextdoor who shouldn't work so much and instead should spend her time lounging around at home eating juicy fruit in the nude and spreading her legs for him when he came home from work—

OKAY HE'S GOTTA STOP

He's just tired and horny, he doesn't actually like you, it's just that he's not in the right mindset to recognize you for who you really are. He'll go to bed and he'll be back to despising you by tomorrow

But... that doesn't happen 🧍‍♂️

Naoya keeps thinking about you, how your tank top and shorts hugged your frame so well, how he could see your nipples hardening beneath your shirt and how he had the sudden urge to suck them into his mouth and bite them...

Sooooo... Naoya may not hate you as much as he originally thought...

He doesn't want to admit it, but he actually finds you incredibly attractive

Yes he's a fatphobic piece of shit and thought that you were a slob at first just bc of your size but now he thinks your wide hips are perfect for child-bearing and that the extra fat would aid you during pregnancy pregnancy kink is off the CHARTS for this asshole

Nah but fr, he's starting to peak glances at your curvy body whenever you're not looking

Every time yall meet at the mailboxes downstairs, he's lagging behind so he can watch you as you walk upstairs, your hips swaying, your ass looking like a perfect round peach

He's started coming over to borrow flour or milk, any excuse to see you and admire the way you look in your casual clothes

One time you answered the door in a towel and he had to hide his boner while you got him a cup of sugar he was so tempted to turn things around and be like "why don't you give me some real sugar, babygirl?" Turn this into some kinda porno but he couldn't speak he was so nervous 😓

He's thinking about bending your body in the craziest positions, your rolls squished together and your tongue lolling out of your mouth as he pounds into you, hearts in your eyes as he fills you up for the nth time that night

He's struggling to fall asleep without jerking off at least once before bed

He's thinking about you, obviously, how your back would arch beautifully as he pushes your head down into his sheets and pounds your fat cunt for hours on end

He's sure you'd be so precious in bed, your mean attitude melting away after creaming on his dick a few times, turning whiny and needy, hooking your ankles around him and making grabbing hands at him, silently begging him to come closer

He can practically hear your cute, breathy moans in his ear as he jerks his cock late at night

"Oh my god, Naoya! Fuck me, fuck me!!"

His imagination runs wild as he fucks his lube-slicked hand, imagining it's your pretty chubby pussy taking him instead

He's so wrapped up in his little fantasy of you that he's not thinking about how loud he's being

"Fuck, Y/N! That's it, fucking take it. So good, so fucking good, shit! Gonna fill you up, gonna get you fucking pregnant. Gonna make you my cute little housewife, keep you safe and well-fed—fuck, you feel so fucking good—"

He cums with a groan of your name, cleaning up after basking in the afterglow for a few minutes

There's a knock at his door 😶

He's confused af bc it's like midnight but he goes to the door anyways and lo and behold look who it is, it's the girl he just jerked off to

He's like "🧍‍♂️ what... what're you doing here?"

"You know I can hear you, right? These walls aren't as thick as you think they are."

His first reaction is embarrassment, but then he sees the outfit you're wearing—an oversized t-shirt that reaches your mid thigh—and suddenly he's glad you heard him

He leans against his doorframe, smirking softly, eyes roaming you as his dick starts to harden once again

"Oh yeah? What're you gonna do about it?"

[losergender]

i tried to open chapter 7 earlier and my computer literally crashed i couldn't make this up if i wanted

"he almost sounds... kind" no he doesn't get yourself together

"the annoying part was patro was right" what does this sentence mean. nvm just understood it o7

she cares so much about classical music for no reason T___T

we got lore on the snake pet. apparently she's another spartan's animal protector but her guy is "gone"

THE SNAKE IS FLIRTING WITH A JAGUAR??? AND THEY'RE SAPPHIC??? AND THE SNAKE JUST CALLED THE PROTAG HOMOPHOBIC WHAT?!?!DFGF

they leave her clothes in her bedroom for her and they give her like a bra in every size possible for her to choose from and i think that's actually a good detail idk

oh of course spartan blood is too acidic to test. of course. how could i not think of that.

she's fluent in ASL but i don't think it was ever mentioned which is a bit random (specially when w her being hoh could have been quite easy to bring up) (then again the author doesnt seem to remember shes hoh and visually impaired very often)

"maybe it's always been awkward. i tended to have that effect on people, specially men" please shut up

i see 0 chance of these two men being horribly and uncalledly mean because of hidden personal reasons that have shaped their personality (which with how straight up abusive they are is not enough) and i'm sure it's gonna be a "they were born like this!" situation which is even worse and ew

"swearing is a sign of a weak mind" you've been swearing the whole book

"i wasn't sure i had ever felt pleasure" not even 3 chapters ago when you were watching porn in the school library? :( really?

"our power would rip you through shreds from the inside out. it would tear you to pathetic pieces and BOIL YOUR WOMB" when they inevitably have horribly written sex i hope his dick is 2 inches

"sounds like an average menstrual cycle" rare protagonist W

STOP MENTIONING YOUR EMMY NOETHER AND CARL GAUSS FANFICTION FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

"do you have math books?" "no. i'm not a loser" okay i did chuckle

this world building sucks so bad that i have to pause my sweet maisie peter's "want you back" to fully comprehend this shit

"there was a strange creaking, a groan, heavy panting and more creaking" please tell me those fanfics taught you enough to not go check plsplspls

NOT THE EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ITALIAN FROM HER DREAMS AGAIN. (he's telling her she'll survive) (at least i think it's a him) oh he's not even being supportive he's also really mean

the evil mental test she has to survive has the following categories:

"thagorean" (maths ft. philosophy). why would she split pythagoras' name? i don't understand

"lost classical lore" this cannot be serious

"discipline and power (d and p for short)" there's a marina song about that

bonding with an animal protector

no comments

btw they just assumed her father is zeus based on the fact that she's blonde (but ig that if she has to be hercules it makes sense)

"i wasn't a bird girl. no one had proved birds weren't spying on us" alexis for the love of jesus christ and his virgin mother

"why were they always flying" BECAUSE THEIR LEGS ARE SHIT THEY'RE BIRDS ALEXIS

i hate this guy but i can't blame him

important piece of info but in chapter one she mentions this one neighbor that was so insufferable that someone had tried to kill him by hitting him with a shovel in the head and she keeps talking about stuff he used to say and she says "paul (pre-shovel)" and "paul (post-shovel") all the time

why are you ancient greek and wearing a toga

"one boy in the group wore a golden laurel crown" omg zagreus!!

i don't get why if there are so little of these guys and so little of their women why they're so insistent on killing everyone. like call me crazy but one would think that not killing people reduces the death rates by a bunch

welcome to sunny reacting to stuff in which sunny reacts to stuff. in this tumblr post, we're dealing with blood of hercules (the i'm a girl and as it turns out i'm hercules book) because i'm doing So Bad Mentally that i am in dire need of something that will make me laugh.

chapter 1 reaction below

montana?? out of all states?? okay go off

"kids at school called it apocalytic core. i called it hell" already laughing. i love my life decisions.

SUPERSEED I'M SORRY WHAT?

"if you wanted to live (i didn't)" you and me both bestie

does the author know verb tenses

i'm saying so little bc otherwise the post would be huge. every single sentence is hilariously bad this is so silly

summary if anyone is interested -> pretty unclear dystopian setting, 10-yo befriends an echidna named nyx and then gets a foster brother delivered to her room the next day. the titans are like superhumans killing normal people and the "spartans" are 12 protector families (8 are olympian, 4 are cthonic and those are dangerous murderers or something).