#I'm just trying to figure out what triggered it
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raileurta · 3 days ago
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Well this post got me thinking about how the humans would react to Raf's death. It also would not be pretty to say the least.
⚠️ Trigger warnings in the tags ⚠️
Both Fowler and June are devastated at the loss. He was just a kid involved in war he shouldn't have been anywhere near. I bet for the longest time they would blame the Autobots for the loss and resent them for it. They would also become extremely overprotective of the other kids. Especially June who was already protective. This whole thing made her lose complete trust in Arcree's ability to protect Jack. (The femme bot doesn't blame her for it) She would try to keep Jack away from the base for any excuse. Logically she knows he is technically safer there but her heart is too scared of being away from her kid. Fowler also can't help but agree with her. He is much more aware and strict about the kids now too. He was even tempted to sorta kidnap them and send them to a secret base in Washington or something. For now he is going to have the kids being monitored 24/7.
Jack is depressed as hell to say the least. He blames himself for not being able to protect Raf. He was the one "meant" to stop their trio from being hurt and he failed. It cycles through his mind constantly on what he could have done to prevent this, how he could have been better, why wasn't he better?
Jack visits Raf's family a lot and tries to help them any way he can. He feels like he has to atone for his failure in some way. Then when that doesn't work to help free himself of the guilt he would resort to "punishing himself." I'm pretty sure you can figure out what that entails..... 🔪
Jack also is much more aggressive about preventing Miko's reckless behavior. He will tackle, and even restrain her to prevent her from potentially getting herself hurt. They have many arguments now and aren't really on speaking terms. He will text her a lot though just to see if she's alive, Miko will always respond no matter what.
Miko at first just went into shock. Her mind went into a complete shutdown. For two days she barely spoke, ate, or just did much of anything; once the shock wore off though she exploded. She ripped off the posters off her walls, broke everything in sight, screamed, cursed out the world, and even smashed her hand through her mirror. Once the adrenaline wore off she clutched her bleeding hand and sobbed. She doesn't know how long she sat there crying but by the time she was done her hand had stopped bleeding and she was covered in dried blood.
Miko stared at her arm the glass embedded in the skin, and felt nothing but seething hatred for Megatron. It wasn't the kind of usual fiery animosity she held towards the man but a freezing loathsome whirlwind that had frozen itself across her entire body. This wasn't some superhero show anymore, where the hero would defeat the villain in a spectacular explosion of power but a cruel war that was going to end with the excruciating death of Megatron.
She planned, rewrote her plans, researched, planned again and did more research. For one of the only times in her life Miko didn't rush into something. Megatron was going to die and there couldn't be any way he would survive or somehow come back from death again. Miko had to make sure it was perfect, Raf deserved it she almost religiously thought. Early into her plans Miko recruited Bumblebee into helping her. The scout hated Megatron just as much as she did. Bee told Miko everything he knew about how Cybertronians could be hurt and the ways to do it. The autobots always feared transformers tech landing in human hands and they had a great reason to do so. Humans had remarkable twisted minds that could think of things that would disturb even some of the most callous of bots.
Miko is no different, especially when she is motivated by pure unfiltered hatred. It took many sleepless nights and three months of preparation but they finally had everything ready. They just had to wait for the right opportunity. By this point bumblebee's anger has calmed down slightly and he was now starting to doubt if they should really do this. The consequences could be disastrous.
You see Miko had realized scraplets or the rust plague couldn't really hurt her so she could easily use them to defeat Megatron. So she has been breeding scraplets, training them, and trying to selectively breed them so they would be able to resist the plague. Miko had the scraplets micro dosed with black energon so they would crave the stuff and be more powerful. Bumblebee would obtain metal for them to eat and he tried to make sure the other autobots weren't catching on. Once they could get on the nemesis Miko would command the scraplets to infect as many bots as possible. They had made around 100,000 of these suped up mega disease scraplets so there's basically no way anyone is escaping uninfected. They were basically sentencing every decepticon to death.
Bee questions whether Raf would want this and Miko just replies,
"It's not about whether he would want this or not but what Megatron deserves and he deserves to die. If I have to kill every decepticon to do it? So be it. I don't care what happens to them, every bot on that ship is a horrible person. "
He reluctantly agrees with the reasoning and continues with the plan.
After the ship would go down a infected wounded Megatron escapes the scraplets his priority would try and cure himself. When he tries to make it he's in for a horrible surprise; while they were preparing the scraplets they had also set out to purposely destroy ingredients essential to the cure (They of course made a lot of vaccines themselves) Any place he might look for the ingredients he would just find a data pad stating,
//Start message
"Hello Megatron, you may not remember me but I do. My name is Miko nakadai, and I was a friend of Raf, the human charge of bumblebee that you mercilessly had killed. He was just an innocent child but you didn't care, why would you? You're the powerful evil overlord of the decepticons, the bot who strikes fear to every Cybertronian who knows of you. Humans are nothing but organic trash that would be crushed under your foot. That's not going to be the case anymore. You're going to care, you're going to see what you have done, and you will regret having ever laying a figure on Raf. You shouldn't have messed with humans and you especially should have not messed with my friend.
If you don't want to die from the rust come to the coordinates X"00'X0.x" alone and we will provide you a cure. Also don't even think about contacting the other Autobots or you can kiss that vaccine goodbye."
//End message
Megatron then would come to meet Miko and Bumblebee. They would talk/integrate Megatron about Raf. Then Miko would pull out the apex armor, activate it and fight Megatron with Bee. If all goes well they kill him (maybe torture him a bit before that) and drop his remains on Raf's grave.
When they do get a hit on the Nemesis location they slightly panic and rush to get things in order. When they are ready the ground bridge opens and as they are about to leave they hear Ratchet say,
"I should stop you shouldn't I?"
The old bot is standing behind them looking at the ground bridge location pinned in on the nemesis. Miko and Bumblebee don't know what to do for a second before Ratchet's words register in their minds.
Should? They think.
Ratchet monologues for a bit about how stupid, dangerous, this is and how he should stop them from doing it. But..... he opens his servo to look down at Raf's broken glasses. He just can't. Ratchet looks at them tears streaming down his face. The same look of pure hatred in his eyes and demands to be there to help kill Megatron. Miko and Bumblebee look at him, they both just simply nod.
Nobody had said a word about it but they all knew no matter what happens Megatron has to die. Even if that means destroying themselves in the process.
They enter the ground bridge together.
Wow that sorta mini fic came out of nowhere. I'll leave it up to your imaginations on what happens next. Thank you @lets-try-some-writing for the inspiration.
Follow me if you want to see the future stuff I write. ✌️ 
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fizzigigsimmer · 3 days ago
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Thoughts on a scenario where billy figures out Steve’s bi (but not necessarily realising Steve’s into him) before Steve figures out that he himself is bi?
So many thoughts anon. Lol this is actually part of the dynamic of a fic I am currently writing now. I have read a lot of fics where Billy realizes that Steve is attracted to him before Steve does... but strangely few that take it any further? Like, Billy rarely takes it beyond flip flopping over whether Steve wants him or not, due to insecurity. Which fair, lol that's often how our minds work.
But it's always interesting to me when Billy comes at it from a different angle and does a bit more detective work. Not just for the opportunities for hilarity - because what a teenager thinks is a sign of bisexuality is basically tumblr on steroids and the comedy abounds - but because of the ways it forces him to slow down and reexamine his approach. Suddenly Steve is not just the object of his desires, or the answer to his most immediate and crushing need for affection and validation. He becomes fully human to him, just like in the shower scene.
It's not the same scenario, but the underlining hurt is the same, but Billy knows what it's like to be abandoned by someone - to have his love betrayed. And I've always thought that is the underlining reason he doesn't go in hard on Steve in that moment and almost seems to be giving him a half formed peptalk by the end. And we don't see him bother Steve again until we get to the scene at the Byers house. Which was a really weird situation that he totally could have responded to in a lot of ways. But up until he actually sees Max there and realizes that Steve is trying to hide her for reasons no one could fathom being good, Billy was low key being civil to him.
And just as a bonus point, I'd argue we see the same pattern of behavior between him and Max. He's generally awful to her. Angry, volatile, big brother from hell etc. But then he sees her leaving the school upset, a boy hot on her heels locked in some kind of argument. I'm not gonna pretend to understand the totality of what is going on in his mind here, cause I'm not sure the directors do either, but suffice it to say it obviously triggers some deep emotions inside of Billy and tripes more than a few wires. And yet his approach is, yet again, strangely soft for him as he tries to explain to her why she should stay away from Lucas. That's why it takes Max by such surprise when he flips on a dime. Soft wasn't working. Soft got him dismissed. But this is obviously important enough to him to scare him, and Billy reacts to fear with what he's been trained to think strength is.
In short, I think realizing that Steve Harrington might actually be Bi, would throw Billy for a loop and we'd see more of that softer side come out. Thinking Steve might be going through some of the same things he's been through in terms of grappling with his sexuality would alter his behavior. He'd try to help and it would be just as volatile, mixed up, awkward and hilarious as you can probably imagine; but Steve would catch on pretty quick to the fact that weird and annoying as Billy is, helping is what he's trying to do and he'd have to look back on all of their interactions differently.
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ghwosty · 4 months ago
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when will these horrors (tummy upset) cease
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hurglewurm · 7 months ago
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two nights ago: [vivid dream about having a panic attack, gasping and wheezing, heart pounding painfully, curled up on the kitchen floor shaking while my family has dinner in the other room]
last night: [vivid dream about apologizing to my friends that i'm depressed again, feeling weighted down by all of it, on the verge of collapsing because it's too heavy, darkness encroaching]
me irl: genuinely just chilling
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thevioletcaptain · 4 months ago
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#so one half of the couple i'm house/dogsitting for had an unexpected medical emergency on their trip#which -- i won't go into details but it culminated in a pretty serious diagnosis and emergency major surgery#and now they're coming home today after getting medevac transport back to california#and have asked me to stay here for a few more days while they settle in#as the one who had the emergency needs 24/7 care during recovery but is being released from hospital to recover at home#and they need someone to basically keep looking after the dog/keep her from getting in the way while they figure out what care he needs#anyway i agreed to stay a few days like they asked#which means i'm trying to finish my coursework before they get back later this afternoon but man my focus levels are LOW#and honestly they have been for several days at this point because once again it seems that waiting to hear about medical stuff has become#somewhat of a panic response trigger for me since the extended nightmare of february this year with my dad#and mostly i've been able to compartmentalize but the energy that takes has truly wiped me out#to the point that i'm genuinely shocked it hasn't set off a fibro flare up (touch wood)#also i really don't know this couple very well at all -- they're mostly friends of my parents-in-law#i've looked after their dog for them several times over the past couple of years#but obviously that's been while they aren't home#and i've only had fairly brief interactions with them#so i do feel a bit awkward about being here while they're going through something so serious and personal#but they're nice people and they need the help and i'm able to provide it so i'm gonna push past that#anyway just a tag post venting thing
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naylor · 7 months ago
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okay, blanket advice: if you're not sure if all of your friends drink or some of them don't for whatever reason, please disclose with them if you cook or bake with alcohol. it's fucked up finding out you might have compromised your sobriety when you already ate half the plate, and it honestly feels like a betrayal of trust.
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ame-to-ame · 6 months ago
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there are things that you don't do for a year or more and pick up just right where you left off and these days i fear loving you might be one of them
#double meaning on that but. yeah.#it's like. i haven't touched the imaging software i use for an entire year. soldering iron in decades. pick it right back up. to my surpris#muscle memory is crazy#i don't draw for months and pick up right where i was with a few sketches bc the work you put in stays even when you don't actively practic#when it's something you've practiced weekly and daily it sticks with you and ig that's good#but then it's like. the horrors. that haunt you. yk? what if a part of me will always save a soft spot for my ex. what then.#what if I'm fine now and I'm doing okay and i don't miss it and I think i'm okay moving forward and i see her and suddenly I'm on the floor#what if some part of me that was in love never really went away what if i haven't managed to kill all of it yet#bc i genuinely would not know what to do. i. i don't want to admit it but one of my worst fears is liking someone who doesn't like you back#and what's even more horrifying is if it's obvious. if everyone can tell. and usually I'm good at hiding it! (not really) but it's just. id#it's shame in liking someone who you tell yourself you don't want to like and you know you shouldn't. and not having control over it.#hoping praying that either she does something that turns the little switch in my head that sends her into the unforgivable category#or that i become straight. or that i become straight. mhm. yep. or ig the other option is i get a crush on someone new but like. mm.#i kinda have gotten w every person I've had a crush on since hs and i kinda don't think im ready for another rs so soon.#the baggage i just got is. hm. idk i kinda don't wanna unpack it. it's something that can easily be done if i had the missing pieces but.#i don't think I'm ever gonna get them. so. instead I'm gonna take. maybe another 3 months or 5 months or a year or a few. to just. slowly.#idek. it's just triggering old things. bringing me back to when i was 14. i never really got closure from that either. it took me 3 years.#I'm sure this time it'll go away faster but idk experiencing it a second time has a different feel to it. idk. it's weird.#it's like. idk. it's like you're watching it happen and you're not even there anymore. idk. i really don't know.#oh. I've been dissociating.#idk maybe it's for the best i really don't know i really don't know and everyone says i have to do what's best for myself but idk what is#my life is on track things are moving forward I'm doing better and healing but i can't escape the feeling of dread#something is going to catch up with me sooner or later and idk what it is idk at what intensity and idk if i will be ready for it#but anyway. when you love someone intentionally every day for a while. when does it go away? will it go away?#or will i have to live haunted by ppl who are alive but changed. so practically dead w/o the opportunity to mourn. for the rest of my life?#like i don't think i get it. loving this person was like. cooking and eating. intentional. ingrained into everyday life. effortful.#what if my mind does forget but my body still remembers. what then. what if it's like searching for sth you don't remember having anymore#ig I'm just trying to figure out how much to forget these days. how much won't hurt if it all comes back to haunt me#delete later
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saintcarrionn · 6 months ago
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why do men
#UGHHHHHHH. trying to sort out room allocations for my uni house next year and. hang on i need to set the scene#firstly there's 5 of us. secondly - and crucially - in that 5 there's only one guy. we'll refer to him as housemate M#now this guy is like a little brother to me. i love him. he's great. our sports club thinks we're either cousins or dating. great guy#apart from one tiny issue: he's got mad only child syndrome despite in fact having an older sister#so he doesn't want to share. he doesn't want to compromise. he especially doesn't want to take one for the team and have the small room#that no one wants bc it's small and doesn't have a mirror. this is where the guy thing comes in bc the rest of us are all girls#and we each Need Mirrors. we also just Have More Stuff. and not to be a misandrist but he's a man how much space does he really need#so this is already a problem bc we've taken months to even get to the point where we're actually figuring this out#and now!!!!!! housemate M is being obstreperous!!!!!!! he refuses to take said small room!!! he wants a big one!!!#he's forcing housemate Z to give up the room she originally wanted and making her take the small room!! he's being a dick!!#and i HATE THIS bc i KNOW what's going to happen#I'M going to have to take one for the team and take this miniscule room that won't fit my stuff and will doubtless trigger my claustrophobi#just so HE can be comfortable!!!#this is making me so mad. this is making housemate Z so mad. why are men like this. he's not even 19 yet get a GRIPPPP#BECAUSE ALSO!!!!! housemates M and H did JACK FUCKING SHIT for this house. they contributed ZERO to this whole process#me and Z and J did EVERYTHINGGG. so why are me and Z now being forced to compromise??????#I HATE LIVING WITH OTHER PEOPLE. SHOOT ME IN THE HEAD#uni life#<- if it doesn't KILL ME FIRST#2nd year
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moe-broey · 7 months ago
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Ohhhhhhh. Okay.
(thoughts/revelations about bride alt Sharena jumpscare)
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pierswife · 7 months ago
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Work doodles ft. "Hey look it me, you want a peek into the good ol mental--" /funny
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visdiefje · 1 year ago
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Man I can't wait until I can recover alone for a while
#I was alone in my apartment today and put together a standing clotheshanger shoerack combo#and it was actually so nice to do stuff and NOT receive verbal feedback I didn't ask for#I actually HATE when I start to do things wrong and immediately there's an audible no no no#it makes me feel like I Have to be on top of things and do them right immediately so everyone can be silent to me about it#trying to navigate life without triggering an unskippable cutscene as it were#if I do it on my own I will find out I'm going about it the wrong way soon enough#and I'll correct it#no nitpicking needed just using my time and brain to find a solution#it makes me feel so much better about myself#I'm already starting to see why I've always felt so incapable and inadequate. I can tell I really need this#I'm really curious what else I can do now that I'm allowed to figure it out in silence#more than ever reaffirmed that auditory is my quickest sense to wear me out/overstimulate#which is why reveiving verbal feedback I have to interpret makes me want to fly into a rage sometimes#because I NEVER get enough time to figure it out. they see me not change my course of action immediately and they take it out of my hands#it feels so. crowded and like nothing is in my control#give me time. give me space to breathe. let me make a mistake and understand firsthand why it's a mistake#please please please stop narrating everything to me. please. can we be quiet for a while.#you can sit with me but please don't tell me anything.#bien rambles
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thethingything · 11 months ago
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so we've been looking into a bunch of stuff about ciprofloxacin and first of all we should absolutely not have been prescribed it. we have like 4 or 5 different contraindications.
second of all we were told we'd had it before and been fine but I can't actually find it on our medical records because I'm pretty sure the doctor said it was what we took in 2017 but our records say we were given something different. in that case I guess our medical issues suddenly getting really bad out of nowhere wasn't due to being floxed, but they definitely got worse after we got floxed in 2019.
third of all there are so fucking many stories of people taking it and experiencing severe, permanent side effects. like it'd be one thing if these were really rare effects or whatever but this medication is notorious for it and there have been lawsuits over it
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#on the one hand the idea that our illnesses weren't initially triggered by a medication feels like a relief#because it feels less like it could have been avoided and if it was avoidable that'd probably feel a lot worse#but on the other hand I'm now really confused about the doctor telling us we'd taken it before and been fine#because there's no fucking trace of us having taken it before and we really shouldn't have been prescribed it#god this is a nightmare to navigate and like it sucks because we already knew it fucked us up when we took it in 2019#but I think our amnesia did its thing and blocked it out to an extent so now we just kind of go ''oh yeah that's the med we refuse to take'#without really thinking about what it did to us but realising why it had those effects is kind of making it sink in#and I do not like that I'm once again having to figure out just how badly a medication fucked us up#while also dealing with trying to figure out if the doctor lied to us about being prescribed it before#because for the last 5 years we've been working under the assumption that it's what we took in 2017 but apparently not#and I feel kinda ridiculous because I ranted about it to our mum earlier and was like ''hey so this might have fucked us up''#but no because by the sounds of it we never actually took it until 2019 so now I'm gonna have to explain that#and explain that the doctor probably just fucking told us we were fine with a drug we'd never actually been given before
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wandaluvstacos · 1 year ago
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my ill advised midnight post is that the asexual community's obsession with calling everyone valid is annoying. I thought we moved on from that in 2015 but I guess not. i don't need anyone's affirmation for being myself, I am myself whether or not anyone on the internet thinks it's cool or not.
What I'd actually like is to find descriptions of experiences that are like mine, but all I find under certain tags are "if you are *insert particular identity* then that's valid!" like... thanks, that's not actually what I need, what I need is specific people with specific experiences to express their frustration with the shit that frustrates me too. I don't need my head patted like I'm a child. Even if you thought I wasn't valid, I would still exist and still have to deal with the world.
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loumauve · 1 year ago
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#running face first straight into every single rejection sensitive wall atm and it's so frustrating#like. can we just not do this rn brain? I'm too tired to deal with this on top of everything else#all it does is make me alienate myself from people I care about and make me feel like shit afterwards#and it doesn't fix any of the underlying issues either. (like. I've been upset about ppl not doing what I do)#(as in read all of my fic like I try to read all my friends' fic usually. but like.. not everyone can and not everyone wants to)#(but it's one of those irrational things of 'if they cared about me wouldn't they also try' even tho that's not a fair ask)#(and like.. most people don't read random fic for fandoms they're not even in so this is entirely stupid to be upset about)#(but here we are anyway)#just.. me. raw to the very nerve and too tired to fix anything that might help alleviate it#I just want to feel normal again. and like I have control over my emotional state#but between 'dude fucked up bc of his borderline being triggered by grief and letting out all his frustrations on me for weeks'#and 'other dude grieving but not processing and not even taking a break to figure out where he's at emotionally..#..therefore dropping all of his unprocessed baggage and his part of the group work right on top of me' I'm just having a heck of a month#and idk. it would have been nice to talk to sb about my fic even if it's older now and not the best perhaps#(doesn't help when everybody you know writes really great fic and you're just outside the door scribbling some ideas into the sand)#idk. usually I do better in disconnecting self-worth and accomplishments and stop myself before the comparisons with others start#but rn it's all too much and I'm drained and exhausted and nothing feels good or helps much at all.#anyway.#it is what is I guess. and what it is is fucked and I doubt it's gonna change anytime soon.#that's not me being unrealistic or depression talking. it's based on how things have progressed thus far#there's another year and a half of this kind of stress which will likely get worse when our group grows from 18 to 31 in October#and then I'd have to start working proper again which I haven't in over two years bc of all the rehabilitation I've been going through#and it's terrifying and I'm already exhausted and worn down and worn out and I just don't know how normal is ever gonna be my life again
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secretlythatsme · 6 months ago
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thinking of a dpxdc au with deaged danny + memory loss + vivisection + plus stuck in ghost form like... the angst potential is so good.....
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tansyuduri · 9 months ago
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So I edited like 40 pages today and I might have gone overboard
Also brainstormed ideas for a fic and am now nearing the edge of an anxiety atack.
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