#I'm just trying to figure out what triggered it

[shadystranger]

—So what changed your mind?

The damnest thing

DEAN: I-I-I don't need you coming up with some way to stop me. I-I-I don't need to get shaky on this thing.

Sam, you tried. And I love you for trying.

Sam, you're the last person I could tell. The last person I could be around because you're the only one that could've talked me out of it. And I won't.

Okay, Sam. Let's go home. Let's go home. Maybe Billie's wrong. Maybe. But I do believe in us.

I can't keep waking up every morning with this false hope. I'm done trying to find a cure, Sammy. I'm willing to live with this thing forever.

—Dean, listen to me - whatever you're doing, whatever you've done, please...

I let Rudy die. How was that not evil? I know what I am, Sam.

—You summoned me because you knew I would do anything to protect you.

DEATH: It's for family [the world] that you must [kill Sam].

SAM: This is where you tell me you're gonna pull the trigger? DEAN: Yeah, it is. We don't have a choice, Sam.

SAM: Now you - you want my permission? (Stammers) You want me to say I'm cool with losing him and losing you all at once? 'Cause I can't do that. I won't say that, 'cause I... (getting emotional) No. I've already lost too much.

Dean? Dean! (Sam is still running, yelling for Dean.) Dean, don't! Dean? Dean! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, Dean! Hey, hey, hey! Dean!

DEAN: Look, man, I get it. I get it. We have lost way, way too much. And it's hard not to feel like just... cashing out. I felt like that. After Chuck, back at the crypt. But you know what brought me back? You did.

SAM: I know, I know, I'm sorry. I know. But... but what I'm saying is that I don't feel free. and... and sometimes it's... it's like I-I-I can't even breathe. But maybe tomorrow. You know, maybe I'll... I'll feel better in the morning. DEAN: And what if you don't? SAM: I don't know.

DEAN: what I found out about Chuck... it's like-it's like I wasn't alive. Not really. You know, like, my whole life I've never been free. But now... now me and Sam, we got a shot at living a life. Without all this crap on our backs.

DEAN: Chuck has to die. He has to! Otherwise he'll keep us tap dancing forever, and I can't live like that, man! I can't live like that! I won't! SAM: Just put it away, and we'll figure it out, Dean, we'll find another way, you and me. We always do. [Dean uncocks the gun and puts it away.]

I mean, the world is ending...... the walls are coming down on us...... I look over to you and all I can think about is: I just didn't wanna let you down.

[fivelasanctum]

Time Commission Handbook Notes

Bought this book recently and it bred life into the Founder Five character more than any personal headcanons. A tragic version of Five to be sure. I'll just around and list things I noticed while perusing the book. Spoilers ahead if you haven't read the book.

Auggie fletcher narrarates most of the book. Kinda cute xD He has a crush on lila. Describing her as 'pure' despite her being the secret weapon of the time commission and the handler's enforcer. Apparently lila felt bad for him when he would have unseemly grunt work. Like cleaning the bathrooms and helping to pick up shattered plates. Most likely from the handler's tantrum. Like her rage when she flung five's item off his old desk.

Five does a flow chart for his mission when he pretended to join back up with the commission. Herb and Gloria also made ones. Five's was the shortest since he could figure out the expedient way to solve it with less factors involved.

Founder five did a foreward about working in the shadows, why he created the commission. To fix a universe that kept breaking. How he is in the passenger's seat but more along for the ride. By the time of writing in the handbook he is more hands off and tired. Yet still is trying to give hope to prospect agents wanting to be part of the well oiled machine. Doesn't feel he is needed as much. Hero/god complex with feeling what they do is to help humans continue living. Saving the world. Then ended it by thanking the would-be prospects.

Margot Archfield is Auggie's supervisor. The one writing in the margins of the book. Trying to edit and silence Auggie.

bar graph of statistics with special op deaths. 26 percent for marital strife xD 3 Percent for faulty briefcases. Makes sense why lila was pissed when hers wasn't working because you are stuck completely. Stranded. Explains the impact of five seeing both suitcases drained of time juice.

Auggie is kind of a five fan boy lol ♥ Their is a new character introduced named Cassidy -'the tragedy' Cartwight. Cassidy was a mother whom lost her son when he tried to save her from being mugged. He ended up getting murdered. She joined the time commission in order to find a way to go back in time to save his life. She was bullied severely because she never killed anyone. Had no successes with her missions. She used the times she was deployed in, to try to go back in time to save her son to no avail. What I found shocking is that she was sent out to kill a FLOWER MERCHANT. Being told it would trigger the events of pearl harbor. She didn't care about it. So I'm thinking the Handler first sent her out to take out one of Lila's parents to make things easier for her with her goal to kidnap lila if she had no attachments. Handler was still in power around that time of the narration. It failed since it was cassidy. So Handler then sent the 'legendary assassin' five out to clear the way. Killing Lila's parent with no questions.

Cassidy was someone founder five felt sadness over. She had apparently died three years before the writing of this version of the handbook. Founder actually met her in person at the behest of the board to reach out to the younger generation. He admired her for her steadfast pursuit to try to save her son. In terms of trying to change the past and future, they understood each other in that capacity. Apparently he tried to quell her bullying from the shadows but didn't work since he was trapped in the bunker. He likens himself to rapunzel. Hurt his heart because she reminded him of himself. Determined to save her family like him. Clawing and hitting their heads on the wall to find a solution. Respected her gusto. Saw her as better than him in the pursuit to get back to the past and change the events for the better but she failed. So that must have propelled Founder's depression further. Not seeing the point of it all by the end of season 3.

He mentioned that he hopes 'their experiement works' so their isn't a need for people like cassidy to struggle so hard to have a loved one back. Thanking Auggie for mentioning her.

My take on her connection to founder: Was that they were acquaintances' but that founder was protective of her due to her still having been steadfast in her goal. Whereas he lost his way from time with failures and depression.

Unfortunate news that took the wind out of my sails while reading. Apparently their is an alternate five that becomes a stay at home husband in Dublin, Ireland. Married to his fashion model wife Delores. Initially reading that pissed me off. Dolores is real to Five's mind but she is an imaginary companion formed from a part of his psyche to cope with years of solitude and madness. Representing his conscious most likely. >.>; Having never been a person born to a mother I fail how that would work. Unless he bonded with someone having that name. Lingering memories from the alpha(main) timeline.

After I had time to process, I figured the author wanted to put lila there but since this came out right before season 4 was released it wouldn't do to mention Five and Lila being romantically linked. That would have spoiled the last two episodes of season 4. They went to great pains to keep things hush-hush. Late night filming, separate filming crew for the lila/five scenes. Couldn't show much in trailers etc.. Might be biased but I think that makes the most sense. Another take on it is that in that timeline it was the reverse situation. Where lila and five had their obstacles in the main storyline. With her being married with kids. Unhappy in the marriage because she had to do everything with the responsibilities with kids, maybe the house work as well. In the alternate timeline, five was in her position with being a stay at home dad and his wife focusing on her career. Interesting fanfic ideas lol

Their is something to my theory of founder five creating paradox psychosis. Auggie says the flatulence side effect was approved of from the founder. Questioned if he was a prankster regarding that stage but added it in the book all the same.

Was a small blurb about the would-be pursuers of Five to take handcuffs with them since he apparently can't blink unless his hands are free. Though auggie's supervisor pipes up it's not verified. (S and M fivelila confirmed? xD)

Alternate timeline lila is in a rock band called the Mimics where they have basement shows in east London. Soo the rock band AU fics can be semi canon since alt version is in a band. * Founder five mentions how his health is failing him (We don't know his true age since founded the commission) How the commission was a failure despite their minor victories. Comes in line with his message to Five to not save the world and to just lay down their sword quietly. Founder could have known about the end result with the ben/jennifer situation outside of addressing the Kugelblitz one. Thanking those that helped him with the commission as he basically tries to make peace with the inevitability of death and to not bother anymore. Was the second to last passage in the book. Founder five deserves a hug at this point Q~Q

[antianakin]

[Image ID: Text from an ask reading "Do you ever get the impression that Palpatine's relationship with Anakin is actually far more one sided than it looks? Because on one hand, Anakin DOES give a damn about Palpatine, but it felt more in the sense that it’s because he thinks Sheev understands him and gives him the liberty to get what he wants. I sort of got that when it comes to the scene where he sees Mace and Sheev battling it out. He's devastated about all the death, but isn't all that against killing the guy up until Sheev points out he can "save" Padmé. Especially considering we're told he's not actually happy about killing the jedi, but does it anyway because he thinks it's necessary in order to achieve his goal. Thus, it makes me wonder how'd react if he figured out Palpatine was lying by the time he finds the two battling. Would he join Mace or just watch them? Considering how trigger happy he usually gets when violence's involved, I'm not completely sure." End ID./]

@theneutralmime

Anakin's relationship with Palpatine is likely one of the more complicated ones that he has in his entire life. There's a deference towards Palpatine that Anakin doesn't show towards anybody else which could indicate more distance in the relationship, but it could also represent a level of RESPECT that he doesn't offer anybody else, and it's likely a mixture of both. Palpatine is also one of the people Anakin is the most HONEST with, shown by how he's the only person aside from Padme that knows about the Tusken massacre (and Padme is arguably only brought in on that secret because she happened to be there in the immediate aftermath). But we also see Anakin choose to disobey a direct order from Palpatine in order to save Obi-Wan on the Invisible Hand, showing a preference for Obi-Wan over Palpatine in the moment.

So while Anakin certainly respects and trusts Palpatine quite a lot, perhaps more than he does anyone else (even Padme), there's also a level of distance in his relationship with Palpatine that there isn't with anyone else (including Mace and Yoda, who we see Anakin more willing to joke around with and tease in TCW).

Anakin is clearly willing to kill Palpatine when he first discovers Palpatine's true identity and only doesn't because Palpatine claims he can save Padme, but by the time he shows up in Palpatine's office later, his entire goal is to save Palpatine's life.

As to whether he'd have tried to save Palpatine from Mace if he knew Palpatine was lying (I assume you mean specifically about whether Palpatine could save Padme or not), I don't think he would. I think if he genuinely believed Palpatine wasn't going to be able to help him save Padme, he'd have let Palpatine die. Anakin wants to believe himself a hero, which is why he tries to convince himself that the Jedi were "trying to take over" and so killing them was the right thing to do. But obviously his ultimate goal is just to save Padme, so if Palpatine can't achieve that, then he can much more easily just stick with the Jedi side of things and be a hero by killing the Sith. Less mental gymnastics.

I've heard that there was an early draft of Revenge of the Sith where, as Palpatine is attempting to convince Anakin to kill Dooku, he reveals that Dooku actually hired the Tuskens to capture and kill Shmi. I don't know why they took it out, but my assumption is that it becomes a lot harder to convince the audience that Anakin would side with Palpatine later on. Because once he discovers Palpatine is the Sith Master, he can connect Palpatine to his mother's death, and Anakin isn't going to react well to that particular revelation. It would make it REALLY FUCKING HARD to trust Palpatine, even just so far as it takes to believe that he has a way to save Padme. Because once Anakin knows that Palpatine helped kill his mother, what reason does he have to believe that Palpatine isn't just trying to kill PADME? And obviously, ultimately, that revelation about Dooku's involvement in Shmi's death didn't make it into the final version of the film. So I personally think that this is proof that if Anakin believed Palpatine was lying about being able to save Padme that he never would've bothered with trying to save him. I think he'd have killed Palpatine where he stood when he discovered Palpatine's identity and then informed Mace and the others about it after the fact.

[ghwosty]

when will these horrors (tummy upset) cease

[hurglewurm]

two nights ago: [vivid dream about having a panic attack, gasping and wheezing, heart pounding painfully, curled up on the kitchen floor shaking while my family has dinner in the other room]

last night: [vivid dream about apologizing to my friends that i'm depressed again, feeling weighted down by all of it, on the verge of collapsing because it's too heavy, darkness encroaching]

me irl: genuinely just chilling

[thevioletcaptain]

.

[naylor]

okay, blanket advice: if you're not sure if all of your friends drink or some of them don't for whatever reason, please disclose with them if you cook or bake with alcohol. it's fucked up finding out you might have compromised your sobriety when you already ate half the plate, and it honestly feels like a betrayal of trust.

[s1ithers]

drawing my husband, noting when it ticks over & becomes unsettling to look at (in this case, Leg 7). this is actually going to work, that drider's gonna cure my arachnophobia in real life

[ame-to-ame]

there are things that you don't do for a year or more and pick up just right where you left off and these days i fear loving you might be one of them

[triangle-dog]

Me, lying in bed with full body pain despite several different medications after eating 1 piece of a walnut (I do not (didn't?) have a walnut allergy) because my immune system is so out of whack: I want a puppy

[collectate]

why do men

[moe-broey]

Ohhhhhhh. Okay.

(thoughts/revelations about bride alt Sharena jumpscare)

[pierswife]

Work doodles ft. "Hey look it me, you want a peek into the good ol mental--" /funny

[visdiefje]

Man I can't wait until I can recover alone for a while

[thethingything]

so we've been looking into a bunch of stuff about ciprofloxacin and first of all we should absolutely not have been prescribed it. we have like 4 or 5 different contraindications.

second of all we were told we'd had it before and been fine but I can't actually find it on our medical records because I'm pretty sure the doctor said it was what we took in 2017 but our records say we were given something different. in that case I guess our medical issues suddenly getting really bad out of nowhere wasn't due to being floxed, but they definitely got worse after we got floxed in 2019.

third of all there are so fucking many stories of people taking it and experiencing severe, permanent side effects. like it'd be one thing if these were really rare effects or whatever but this medication is notorious for it and there have been lawsuits over it

[wandaluvstacos]

my ill advised midnight post is that the asexual community's obsession with calling everyone valid is annoying. I thought we moved on from that in 2015 but I guess not. i don't need anyone's affirmation for being myself, I am myself whether or not anyone on the internet thinks it's cool or not.

What I'd actually like is to find descriptions of experiences that are like mine, but all I find under certain tags are "if you are *insert particular identity* then that's valid!" like... thanks, that's not actually what I need, what I need is specific people with specific experiences to express their frustration with the shit that frustrates me too. I don't need my head patted like I'm a child. Even if you thought I wasn't valid, I would still exist and still have to deal with the world.