#I'm just trying to build a life for myself dude.

[brieandpinotgris]

for a second there I thought you actually believed in me

a moment of bigness not enough about you please drive home your generosity your willingness to go out on some limb for me when no one asked you to and naturally let's hide it all for should I fall we can keep the shame mine but should I rise to the occasion: the kingdom, the power, the glory, of course, are yours.

[petew21-blog]

Workout routine

My best friend from school, Emily, married last summer while still being at university with me. She is still young, but claimed that her boyfriend truly loves her. Bullshit if you ask me, he never respected here and treated here like a trophy wife since the beginning. Yeah I hated him. He was a homophobic asshole and acting like some fuckin' alpha male. Why Emily dated him I never understood

One day we were on their garden studying for an upcoming exam. I was nervous most of the time cause James was working outside fixing stuff and eyed me like a prey. Emily went to get us some snacks and drinks.

He came up to me and started some homophobic talk how I could choose this path of sin and so on. I couldn't look up at him. Cause he was very close to me, very shritless and VERY sexy. Way too much. If I looked up even for a second, I would immediately get hard.

"You gays are the worst thing about this generation. You can't even work, y'all do your artsy useless shit and nothing usefull"

"Can you just let me live and go on about your life? I don't want to listen to this."

"Well you're on my property so you'll listen to whatever I have to tell you"

A call from inside the house. Emilly called him

"You're lucky. If it weren't for her you'd be already on the ground biting dust"

What an idiot. I was raging. I think I'll just leave and go home. I can't calm myself down and I don't want to cause any drama with Emily. Even if I think her husband is horrible, I don't want ot loose her a s a friend"

Emily came out of the house, smiling. She brought the snacks and water. She looked at me "Sorry for... taking so long. I had to sort something that couldn't wait. Now drink up, you haven't drank for hours. I should have brought drinks sooner."

I took the glass and took a sip. But then I felt really nauseaous. My vision was blurry now and I felt like vomiting. All I could make out of Emily's face was that she was smiling.

Then my vision started getting clearer again. But it was strange, I wasn't outside anymore. I was in their kitchen, holding a glass. "How did I get here?" went through in my head. As I looked for the nearest surface to put down the glass I noticed that I was shirtless.

Wait, what?!? This isn't my body!!!

I let go off the glass destroying it. But nothing could have prepared me for being this ripped in the matter of seconds. This is something I always wished for, but never thought I would get. I was always the skinny twink trying to build more muscles, but couldn't. And now, I have massive muscles.

I found a mirror in the hall. No, this can't be happening. I am James. I can't be him. He is an asshole. A homophobic asshole.

But his body thought otherwise. His dick got hard. And it isn't small. Which might be cool to play with, but now I was still angry everytime I looked at the mirror.

"Enjoying yourself?" Emily asked as she entered the house

"What have you done, Ems?"

"I gave you a new body. The one you have been lusting for. And as a side effect I got myself an improvement for a boyfriend. I loved him before, but I was blind and deaf to all the things he said on your account and to all the things he commented about me. Never appreciated me. But you are the best man I ever knew. And I wanted to be with you even if I wasn't your type. But now, I think I might be" she said as she placed her hand on my new crotch.

I thought I wouldn't like this, cause I was gay for my entire life, but James's body is still straight. But in my mind I could even picture myself with a dude and not be disgusted

"Ems, I think you didn't turn me straight as you wished for. I think I'm bi, actually"

"Whatever is best for both of us. I got a cute gay friend who you might like and who would love to explore your body, with me. But I think there might be some emotions involved, you know. Cause of the previous ownership and so on." she said and laughed out loud.

I took her up and put her on the kitchen table. Embracing her and going for a kiss.

"Ems, you are the best friend I could have ever wanted. I love you and I will love you now as your husband"

We could hear a scream outside coming from the garden. We could only smile at each other as we knew what was coming

Two months later:

"Hey, my name is James and this is my colleague Robert. Robert is a small gay dude friend from my wife. We are going on a road trip to get to know each other better with the permission from my wife. So we would like a room"

"Oh, there's only double bed? That's absolutely fine with us, right Robert? Bro's will be bro's and NO HOMO. Hahaha"

A story request from Inbox: Could you do a swap with a Twink and his best friend’s bodybuilder husband?

[allaboutnayeli]

the biggest bully ever ( selma bacha x reader )

prompt: your girlfriend is probably the biggest bully in your life (lovingly)

author notes: i wrote this just because i saw a video of selma jumping up and kicking someone in the face. i just know she is like a bad ass little kid. (also i love her so..)

selma prides herself on being your biggest supporter. always finding some time in her schedule to come see your games with paris saint german. proudly wearing your jersey while yelling as loud as she can in the stands and of course making sure to take a few pictures for the gram after the game is done. posting with a cheeky caption of, just met my favorite player ever! what a legend. however, you know first hand that this is just a cover up for how much of bully she really is.

in the privacy of your apartment or hers, she is the complete opposite. especially when you two are playing a game together even if it isn't a competitive game. making it even more laughable.

it was a nice sunday evening when you forced (selma knows she loves playing the game. she just won't admit it) your girlfriend to play minecraft with you. now if she thought you were going to be fighting zombies, creepers, and spiders. well she would be totally wrong. that would her job while you spend your minecraft time building a nice farm and house for the two of you to stay in.

"it's domestic! i'm like your little pixel housewife" you say as you continue to focus on working on the garden you were building. selma smacks her lips, "it's not domestic. just unfair! i don't wanna be the only one fighting off these dudes."

on her screen, selma was actively battling off a creeper. almost throwing her controller in frustration as the creeper blows up and creates another hole in the ground. she pushes you slightly, but just enough that you put down a block you weren't going to. "stop being childish and go kill some cows for me, dumbie" you say as you delete the block. giving selma a quick sight of you sticking out your tongue before going back to finishing up the veggies part of the garden. your girlfriend rolls her eyes, going back to fighting off a zombie to reach a few cows in the field behind it.

instead of getting some cow meat like you asked, selma runs away from the zombie. bringing it and other mobs along to you two's house. she smirks in revenge as she brings the mobs straight to you. you shout in surprise as the mobs surround you. "babe, help me! why would you.." you say as you try to fight them off. giving selma a nice punch on the shoulder once you were finally succumbed to the mobs and died. "that's what i said earlier, but you didn't come to help your absolutely amazing girlfriend, so you had to die" selma shrugs. acting nonchalant until the mob of mobs started to surround her. she manages to kill off a few, but end up dead just like you.

you laugh loudly as you push her shoulder using yours. she glares at you, frowning. "i'm totally killing you myself next time. less effort" selma says before standing up and heading to the kitchen for something to calm her frustration. you still got the last laugh though.

the french player can also be the biggest bully when it came to your games. whether you win or lose, she is always there to make a few snarky comments about your defense or how you let the ball pass you too many times. it was even worse if you two went against eachother.

it was one of the biggest games of the year for the division 1 league; paris saint germain vs lyon. your girlfriend and you were set to both play this match. the playful banter between you two the day before the game fueled the competitive spirit in you. selma was always competitive and ready to do whatever she needed to make sure lyon scored a win.

"ready to lose, babe?" selma says as she stands next to you in the tunnel. you roll your eyes before shrugging, "we'll see." the sound of the crowd ramps up you two's competitiveness as the two teams walk out onto the pitch.

the game goes off well for paris saint germain at first. with ramona scoring a goal for your team. however, despite your team's great defense, lyon was still able to score three goals. the game ends in disappointment with a lost of three to one. you groan out in frustration as you look at your teammates. the lost was a bit of sting just because paris saint germain needed the win, but also because you knew selma would never let you live this down.

after the game and lyon's celebration finally dying down, selma finally texts you; told you that I was gonna win. the text makes you roll your eyes. you message back, shut your mouth for two seconds please.

you two text back and forth. with alot of bragging from selma and tons of insults from you. eventually selma does stop her bragging, messaging you, but truly don't worry bae. you did well I swear. the message makes you smile as you lean your head against the bus window. thank you, baby. congrats on the win even if ... undeserved. after sending that text you shut your phone off and let the tiredness from the match catch up to you. letting yourself slowly fall asleep. knowing good and well your phone will be full of selma going back to being a bully.

[drdemonprince]

woof. your recent posts really resonate with me especially now that im making more gay and trans friends, im meeting so many cool nonmonogamous trans people that seem to have casual sex with basically all their nonmonogamous trans friends and like. its almost giving me a complex where if i think someone is cool and want to be friends with them, even if im not attracted to them, i have a perception that the only way to befriend them is to pursue them sexually. or that if they dont wanna fuck me when they fuck all their other trans friends that means there's something wrong with me (again even if i don't particularly want to fuck them!)... i love being trans and poly, and i love having more trans and poly people in my life, but sometimes i think about this one reddit comment where a dude said he noticed his gay friend had way more fun at straight bars than gay bars bc at straight bars he wasn't worrying about his appearance/body image/validation/sexual prospects

yeah honestly i get this so much and it's a very dismaying swirl of emotions to have. i don't like fucking friends. at all. it actively makes me feel unsafe and like i'm only useful to someone insofar as i'm satisfying a desire for them. it makes me feel more disposable. plus im insanely jealous if i have an actual emotional connection with someone i'm fucking so i wouldn't do well in a whole poly queer mish mosh of dear devoted friends who also sometimes bang. i would be plotting the downfall of the people i was most primed to view as a threat and sowing discord between people and shit. not good.

i also think it is a little fucking concerning when people only date/have sex as their sole way to make friends, and are only friends with people they want to fuck. this tends to create a very homogenous friend group that is heavily restricted based on desirability politics. it's also just really objectifying and unsustainable.

now i must say!! this is very much in the minority of poly people -- poly people are generally fucking AMAZING at being friends because even as just their buddy they treat hanging out with the same degree of intention and care as they would going on a date. they can hang! they want to go out and do things! they're more practiced in building a new intimacy of *any* kind than most monogamous people are.

it's just that there are some weird culty up their own ass bad boundaried polycules out there, in the same way there are abusive, codependent, jealous, miserable fucking monog couples.

but even tho most queer and poly people are more ascended than that, yeah, there is a weird unsettling constant self-evaluation that can happen in spaces where fucking almost anybody is theoretically on the table. some of that is a problem in how people treat one another, and some of that is just insecurity in between your own ears.

i get it fully. im hyper conscious of myself and how i imagine im being perceived and how people are seeing me when im out in queer spaces. and most of it is me being fully insane and making myself miserable based on nothing. because literally who cares who is attracted to me in that space and who isn't??? what matters is what i want in that moment, and my behavior, which i have control over. i should be able to just float around smiling at people and dancing and chit chatting and if someone is feeling my energy and we can talk, great, if they try to make it sexual when i dont want it to, i can just walk away. like it fully does not need to be that deep.

but it's a hard internal hurdle to overcome and every time someone hits on you, ignores you, misreads your identity, etc it can be used by your mind as fodder for The Narratives and The Insecurities and make things worse and it really has to be an intentional practice to not do that to yourself.

if you can bounce along carelessly in the straight club because you're not worrying about how people see you, you can bounce along carelessly in the queer club and not worry about how people see you. literally treat queer people the same way you'd treat straight people who seem perfectly fine but are not your problem and not a focus for you. you can stop trying to mind read the intentions of every queer person and stop sizing yourself up in their eyes and not worrying about who is fucking who and who is in love with who and who is secretly jealous but pretending not to be. and just. hang out. and feel things out. and exist in your own body and pay attention to what interests you and what you are experiencing rather than how they are experiencing you.

i say this as a reminder to myself!!

[olderthannetfic]

RE: porn addiction discussion:

I've seen a lot of both breakups and divorces over that very thing in the past decade, Imo I don't think its reasonable to expect everyone who has seen a dissolving in their relationship due to the excessive pornography usage of one partner partner to just suck it up and get used to liking porn themselves, accept watching porn together as a replacement for their sex life, otherwise /they/ must be some non-communicative creep who just wants to use their partner like a dildo.

More and more chicks get pressured by guys into doing that. Or like the other asker said, acting out things from porn that they dont wanna do, and regret it/dont enjoy it. I think its less about ~protecting pristine sacred christian piv~ and more of an acknowledgement that its not realistic to expect the majority of sexual relationships to be able to healthily function like that as long as theres 'communication'.

Communication isn't the end all be all when there's only one clear party that this scenario benefits. The person with the broken dick. To promote the idea that they should, can and is be used against people who don't want that for themselves or their relationship, under the guise that if their boundaries are firm they must be some flavor of "sex negative/christian/radfem/prude"

There's nuance to the topic. People with the same level of porn usage can be happy together, engage in their kinks mutually, all that jazz. But there are also an increasing number of relationships where a dude uses porn and sex-positive language to pressure chicks into doing things they dont want to, having the kind of sex life that they dont want to, which becomes a slippery slope. Or a dude gets so into porn that hes leaving it open on his computer for their kids to see in an exhibitionist sort of way, completely disregarding welfare.

And I don't mean that as any sort of hyperbole or rhetoric, that example happened with my own Dad. Lemme tell you, your father leaving open pages and pages of anorexic amputee torture porn on the family computer that you, as an 8 year old girl, have to rush to close before your younger siblings come in the door after you home from school, will have an impact on both that relationship and ones level of comfort with porn longterm.

And even then, I still got into relationship after relationship once I was old enough, where guys were constantly wanting to replace sex with watching porn with them, and when we did have sex they always wanted to 'try something they saw' rather than just have fun doing something mutually enjoyable and intuitive. Partners sneaking off at my 15 year old sisters birthday party to jack off to 'teen porn' in the bathroom, leaving home for work early just to jack off in a gas station parking lot for 2 hours, watching porn in bed next to me when I have to get up for work soon, being unable to maintain an erection without porn-related stimuli (be it watching or scenarios), spiraling into cheating, etc. Years and years of sex positivity, attempts at understanding, experimenting, and accommodating, and communication on my end didn't help, until that communication was "I can't keep trying to salvage this by myself anymore, I'd be happier alone."

Not everyone is going to be down with it, or should push themselves to be, and not all reasons for not wanting that for your own sex life are rooted in some Christian or Radfem rhetoric. Lived experience plays a role in such stances. Strong boundaries can be hard to build when there's pressure in both the bedroom and outside world that the ones you have are 'wrong', but it's worth it to stand up for ones own comfort, security, and happiness rather than endlessly accommodating.

Personally, I'm overjoyed to have now found a longterm relationship now where the furthest extent of that either partner engages with is fanfic and lewd art. I wish everyone the same luck in finding a partner that has compatible desires.

--

~broken dick~

Oh please.

This kind of discussion is obsessed with "porn" meaning mainstream live action porn aimed at straight guys and with the kind of dumbass men who think that stuff is a model to emulate. In reality, there are shittons of types of porn. People who pressure their partners suck regardless of why.

These experiences sound shitty, but I'm still rolling my eyes at this spin.

[reverseblackholeofwords]

Not to be sappy on the tumblr dot org, but at the beginning of this year, I literally began to question if I was ever going to really write again. If maybe I just didn't love it anymore and I'd been wrong for years thinking it was something I would do for the rest of my life. That maybe somehow I'd just grown out of it at some point, or I just didn't have enough room in my head for it anymore.

Which is wild because I've been writing stories since I was six or seven. Like they taught Tiny Me how to form sentences in first grade and she took that pencil and ran with it. (My first ever story I remember writing was a Charlotte's Web fix-it fic btw, I'm not joking) But that's how much writing means to me, I'm twenty years into this now. It's been with me all this time, and in January I would've told you I didn't even want to try to write anymore.

It was maybe the most I've ever questioned my own sense of self, because I'd been forcing myself to write for almost four full years at that point and never felt that same sense of joy I used to when writing. I kept hitting my head against a word document trying to remember what I thought was so wonderful about this, and again and again I was disappointed and gave up.

And yet a few months and one (honestly kinda silly) hyperfixation later and I've written around 105-110,000 words just this summer. That's a full-length novel. That's more than I've written in the last four years combined. By a lot.

And the amount of joy it's brought me again? Just to remember what made me love writing in the first place? It's like stumbling over the other half of my personality I've been missing and going- Oh, there you are! Let's go, dude, we've got stuff to do!

All of this rambling to say, if you've lost the spark for that thing that you thought you'd always do forever, even if it takes almost four years like it did with me, give it time and give yourself some grace. Life sucks sometimes, we're all tired, and it takes a period of dormancy for your brain to rest up and recharge.

And then when you do find that weird or silly or angsty or whatever Spark of Inspiration, take that little guy and run with it. Go build it into a bonfire or wherever this metaphor is going. Have fun and revel in the joy of it again. Ignore anyone who tries to tell you that you're doing it wrong, it's your bonfire, dude. Toast some marshmallows or something, you deserve it.

[karma-creations]

My favorite bits/lines from every Secret Life session after watching all POVs

Session 1

tango trying to ask multiple questions at a time to get scar talking for a little while and scar outright telling him to shut up so he can infodump

joel’s response to lizzie, his ACTUAL WIFE, saying "I love you": "oh thank you"

joel: "hey bdubs your house is upside down" bdubs: "YES I KNOW IT'S UPSIDE DOWN- i'm sorry. i'm sorry"

bdubs not-so-subtly begging mumbo not to build a house inspired by his and mumbo straight up going going "uh huh" before suggesting a house inspired by bdubs's

cleo catching etho with the bed shrine

mumbo: "it could be like the alps, but bad. like, much worse."

martyn: "we can do a bit of, uh, tankin' and spankin'" gem: "……bit of what?"

skizz: "all of us are pretty old, maybe our island's called heart problems"

tango: "well, i'll be honest, skizz… everybody's teamed up, so… you're all that's left, we're gonna have to shack up" skizz: "well! it’s like a giant hug!"

Session 2

everyone going "OOOOHHhhhhhhhhhh…….." after skizz's creeper got put in a boat

mumbo: "I'm happy to be in whatever group you guys- oh hey bdubs"

bdubs: "I DON'T NEED NO MOM, I'M A GROWN MAN!" cleo: "really? how do you explain the everything?"

cleo (to bdubs): "you're just a horse girl at heart, aren’t you?"

skizz going "BREAK IT UP BREAK IT UP" at the same time as tango chanting "FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT"

scar: "was this your idea, pearl?" pearl: "no" scar: "this is amazing, only you would have come up with something like this"

martyn: "that's right, I'm a yellow life, and I've come to KILL you" bigb: "….wow, dude"

grian: "I've had the weirdest interactions whenever I see you" bigb: "y'know, I hope they get weirder"

everyone singing happy birthday off-key and out of sync

mumbo: "is there anything that I can help with? I come with no resources and very little talent"

bdubs: "I know how to crit punch, so it's gonna hurt you more than it hurts me!" gem: "..I also know how to crit punch" bdubs: "oh"

scar: "can I give you a ride, bdubs, wherever you're going?" bdubs: "freaking no, not on that thing! you kidding me?" scar: "aw. well I was just offering!" bdubs: "…all right, fine."

Session 3

*joel and lizzie arguing* grian: "aren't you guys married"

grian saying "I don't like what this has become" then immediately joining in the chanting when it’s joel's turn to fail

grian: "I love you, etho" etho: "……thank you?"

mumbo: "right, show me the gear knob on that camel" grian: "I’d rather not"

cleo: "yes, tango, the thing that I know about you is you don't know how minecraft works"

cleo's constant ethubs jokes

etho waterboarding everyone

scar: "losers will be beaten with my beatin' stick"

joel: "you are a FAILURE!!" martyn: "wow that was whole chest" joel: "sorry I’ve had a really rough episode"

bigb accidentally picking up torchy and tango being DEVASTATED

cleo: "why are we coming out this way?" bigb: "so no one can hear!" cleo: "well impulse is right there" impulse: "who?"

torchy out for blood the entire time

Session 4

cleo accidentally hitting etho with her sword and etho's immediate response: "I'LL DO THE DISHES I'LL DO WHATEVER YOU WANT"

cleo: "hey grian" grian: "🎶hellooo theeeere🎶" cleo: "hello, are you singing?" grian: "🎶absolutely not, I would never sing🎶"

mumbo: "what's your favorite welsh town" grian: "……….🎶let me googleee🎶"

grian: "I don't know what to do with myself now, cleo, what do we do?" cleo: "I don't know, I think we should burn things down"

grian: "ignore the stairs, they wouldn’t burn"

scar: "you guys are still here? I went and stole a bunch of stuff and you guys are still yapping over here"

jimmy: "I'll go in BigB's hole" scott: "you're gonna do WHAT????" cleo: "I always knew there was something about you two"

scar singing back at grian with no hesitation

grian and scar spotting martyn hiding behind the tree

jimmy: "WHAT ARE YOU DOING" scott: "hi, I’m just making the path connect-" jimmy: "STOP CRYIN' AND TELL US WHAT YOU'RE DOIN'" scott: "I'm making the path connect like lizzie did"

joel: "anyway, just came over here to ruin your day"

bdubs: "okay, you count us in" bigb: "okay. seven"

mumbo: "what do I win?" bdubs: "uhh- you win.. eight baked potatoes!" mumbo: "YEEEEESSS!!!!!"

bdubs: "you can't hit me! I can say and do whatever I want! okay, going to the house real quick though, to lock myself in"

people gaslighting jimmy and martyn (mostly jimmy) into thinking there’s a zombie/skeleton horse spawner somewhere

bdubs: "hey, hey! I consider you a friend! apparently it’s not reciprocated." gem: "it’s not. what do you want?"

jimmy: "martyn I think he can see you-" *beat* martyn: "WELL HE DIDN’T UNTIL YOU SAID THAT YOU IDIOT"

martyn: "oh yeah, wait! why are you wearin’ that?" scar: *incoherent cop sounds* (/ref)

jimmy: "he'll come back like nothing's happened now" mumbo: "hey guys 😀"

skizz: "here's the thing, I'm not too bossy, I- Boppers, go home for a second, I gotta talk to these guys"

[sunnychuuya]

GEISS WHAT TOME IT IS

Time to PROBABALY FUCKING PISS MYSELF OVER SALLY FACE CUZ I SUCK AT DEALING WITH HORROR

I have light tho so maybe I won't be as fucked over

I'm hi key so glad I'm making these posts cuz I don't remember what the fuck happened last night

-IM NOT A GIRL

-wrf is wrong with miss rosenberg girly pop get help that's dark

-mr Addison family is dead! Dude I don't fucking care he's suspicious as hell

Watch this turn into nothing hes prolly just a fucking dude idc tho hea sus

-Oh FUCK DID SHE JUST FUCKING DIE WHAY THE HELL

WHAT THE FYCK WAS THAT

What the FUCK FUCK

HUH ?!

-bro my bracelet is like a little tight and I had it pressed under my leg and it fucking imprinted sals name on my arm lmaoo

-MEGAN LORE?

-okay wait this might be a stretch- Megan has a cross necklace and ik Travis is like super christian(ive seen him with a cross necklacein fanart i dont think its on his canon sprite tho?); and ik Kenneth is the one who sh0t sal but what reason would he have to be involved here idk I just wanna get down all my thoughts even tho most aren't righg

-nvm rhe necklace is in the building apparently im dumb

-Wait actually sal hasn't started school yet has he? So he wouldn't know travis anyway

-idfk

-having the light on makes this game so much easier go play

-IM NOT DOING DRUGSS

-"I just want you to know ghat I understand what it's like to be afraid. To hide away from the world" rahehhehe sal ur 15 u shouldn't have to be offering advice to an adult I wanna be sals friend so bad it's unreasonable

-I d o n t. L I k e m r a d d I s o n

-PLEASE LARRY LOOKS SO GOOFY I LOVE HIM

-"Holy fuck knuckles" jnfjdjdjd

-oh pleasant so I'm assuming Megan's mom was a cheater

-is Megan's Dad the one who killed them ??

-yea okay I'm a fucking dumbass I just want to try to connect everything even if it doesn't work I'm low-key tempted to just delete that paragraph about the necklace but shh it's fine

-GUYS WTF IS THIS

YEAH SAL SHES DOIN GREAT

-oh a noose!

-VIDEO GAMES

-feel like this game is foreshadowing 4 sure

-like there's no way this is just here for some reason

-dam devourerers of God is sick name bro almost makes me hope this is foreshadowing

-j i m

-the way chapter 2 faded out like that is sus this is foreshadowing for sure

-GREG

-oh okay so this is just real fucking life then?

-well that makes me scared about the devorous of God thing especially cuz the circle things I keep seeing

-this is ominous bro

-this game is underestimating how much of a dumbass I am wtf is happening I'm walking in circles

-made it back to the circle rock

What.

Why did it restart

Gyys I'm too dumb for this

Circle rock again

Help I'm in the dark now had to turn off my lights what do I dooo I'm so bad at this

it restarted avajn fml

I sent out a post as a cry for help but I might just have to look up a tutorial

FUCK IT. I'm going to sleep.

Goodnighttt I made like nooo fucking progress despite playing for two hours

@mypinterestgotbannedsoimherenow

[jules-van-hering]

my life would be so much easier right now if I believed in sth. some sort of god(s), The Truth™️, whatever...

but the closest I have to that is bruce and that feels a bit weird ofc. cause girls/women being obsessed with a celebrity and their life & work invites judgement. and I am generally deeply afraid of judgement, like you don't even know how much, literally throws me into a trauma response so fast. I really wish it wasn't like that.

but now I'm thinking about shamelessly embracing bruce as my divine guiding light. has anyone else here done this? the church of springsteen? but not the way the weird straight conservatives who have claimed him over the years. I'm not gonna fucking call him the boss. he's bruce to me. I mean a specifically queer (as in sexuality and identity but also politically) church of springsteen. do we have an illustration of him as a saint, like that one of carrie fisher with her dog? or wait! the one on stage where he emits steam from sweating so much! that's a good one. alternatively all the pictures of bruce and clarence from the born to run photoshot work as a holy images too I think.

anyway it's just wild now at the end of my twenties looking back to when I became a fan at 16, seeing so clearly how his music helped me through the narrowmindedness of my hometown and my working class family's expectations and at the same time now being in a spot again where it all speaks to my soul and situation so deeply with all the family estrangement, trying to build a life for myself that really suits me in a new place with a new family of misfits and freaks and thus finally realising why it all hit so much back then as a teen. I already clearly felt that I was caged, I didn't know exactly by what, I couldn't precisely name it, but something in the music resonated with my subconscious and gave me a safe place where these feeling and thoughts could have a home and grow until they were ready to break out

to me his music first and foremost is a call to live life authentically. you gotta live it, yes, that is one of his core messages. but it ain't shit if you're not authentically you. I love that because it's also very much in line with philosophical existentialism which I am a big fan of. according to sartre it is your responsibility to be yourself. there is nothing else except existence. you cannot create a life in your head only. l'enfer c'est l'autres. but heaven is other people too.

in bruce's work there's this big focus on friendship and love and sex, all these form of human connectedness. he always writes about relationships, there's not much about him being a lone solitary dude on his own journey. he is such a romantic, believing that love can save us and that we have to fucking act on it!

[crazylittlejester]

DAILY BRAINROT

I got jump scared by a pedestrian on my way to get groceries because I was thinking about this, and I don't have a good excuse because I am also a pedestrian.

Adding a "half out of control ADHD" disclaimer on this one.

I have been seized by the brainrot, and it is holding me hostage until I finish writing out Legend and Wild meeting for the first time in the vigilante AU, and that's why the next chapter of poor Hyrule's fic hasn't been touched today.

Legend gets to be happy in this AU because I think he's earned it. He's been around for like... basically forever, so he gets to have all the friends he wants. I am aggressively improving his quality of life here. I went to the effort of finding him a sandwich recipe (and honestly might try it myself because it looks tasty).

Back to the point, which is that I was thinking about what powers everyone would have in this AU when I was going to get groceries. It's a very tough question, and the fact that my area of expertise in high school was Marvel is not helping because there are too many options to pick from. So I only managed to work out the abilities for two of the boys so far, which is half the reason why I'm making Wild and Legend play nice with each other today.

Long story short, I decided Wild should actually get a copy-and-paste ability AND I HAVE A GOOD REASON, OK. I love love love the idea that the Shrine of Resurrection's Sheikah Juice stuff is actually liquid information and since I can, I figured why not just replace his blood with it or something?? It's fanfiction I can do what I want. So now Wild has blue Shrine Juice blood and is sort of partly like a computer I guess, which means he has the ability to copy "files" and store them in his "system memory." Which... actually kind of explains the amnesia, I guess. Had to delete a few "files" (memories) to make space for the new "files" (abilities/powers). Obviously I've got to put a limit on him otherwise he'd be WAY TOO POWERFUL, so I'm thinking that each "file" either has a cool-down period of 1x every 24 hours or he has to pick 1 power to use for each 24-hour period. This explains how the Champions' gifts and the abilities from TotK work, and it makes me feel Very Smart.

Legend is actually pretty boring in comparison. I didn't really want to have to pick between his numerous items, so I gave him a very basic enhancement ability with an emphasis on speed and agility in the legs so he can run around on top of buildings and do parkour. His power isn't anything special, it's how he uses it that's actually interesting because he's had to make up for being Very Vanilla. It DOES let him keep up with most people, though, with few exceptions. And I like this because I think it kind of does reflect on how he's not really a special person by himself and that his being interesting comes from his experience and knowledge and inventory. He's the guy who's been everywhere, done everything, and knows everyone, and that's where a surprisingly large amount of his flavor comes from.

I have a rough idea for Sky, but I'm not completely sold on anything for him, yet (because of the whole deal with Demise and all). I'm extremely tempted to make him think he's a normal guy when he just uses his Terrifying Prophetic Abilities in his sleep. Like, he thinks he probably sleepwalks so he tells Twilight and Warriors when he moves in and the first week goes okay, but then for the second week he is walking in his sleep and doing Crazy Shit while spitting out Creepy Prophecies about stuff. It's concerning, and they're trying to figure out how to tell Sky to go to therapy because he is An Absolute Ray of Sunshine during the day. (Maybe he just has remlit powers?)

Legend gets to be happy in this AU because I think he's earned it <- OBSESSED WITH THIS.

COPY AND PASTE ABILITY. I LOVE IT.

REMLIT POWERS ALSKDKDKD

dude oh my GOD i fucking love all your au’s so much, the insane amount of detail you put in em???? I eat it up every goddamn time. thank you for bestowing upon me your brainrot every day 🙏

[yallemagne]

I watched a review of a Colleen Hoover novel a while back (the only way I would ever be able to consume her work) and this video's preamble in particular really... awoke me.

The video was by SAVY WRITES BOOKS and the review was of Ugly Love. The one where the baby has huge balls and dies in a car crash. Yeah.

Something Savy said was that the book was falsely advertised as a romance when actually it was a work of erotica. It blew my fucking mind. All the stars aligned. I realized then that some of the writing I hate most? It's just a fucking genre! EROTICA!

Lol I talk about sex so much in this I figured it earned the mature filter. No one's gonna read this anyway, this is functionally a diary entry.

I've made it clear before that I hate the trope in fiction where someone drops everything in their life to be with a literal shitstain of a man just because his stinky penis is large... AND THAT'S JUST EROTICA!! The reason why I'm so mad at that trope? It's because they always advertise it as Romance or Thriller, and it's just PORN.

Romance takes place in a realm that is adjacent to reality. When someone is abusive in a romance, there is a reasonable assumption that it will be condemned and a more healthy example will be raised. Emotional abuse? Physical assault? They are not displayed as attractive tendencies in a romance.

Erotica runs by porno rules. No matter what the author has to do, someone's gotta get a penis in them by the end of the page. The author is obviously writing with one hand in their pants no matter how horrific the events they are writing are because that's the point! It's their kink! And so long as the writing is advertised to the right audience? It will be the audience's kink as well!

In erotica, rationality is simply not required. You don't need build up, or... really anything. It's porn. It's smut. If you're writing a dubious scene or what have you, you don't need any preamble, you just jump in because the point is not to enlighten, it's to entice. I hate fiction that includes rape scenes that are written to be tantalizing. But holy shit. It's not that that person has a hard-on for rape (though it could be, rapists exist and are capable of creating art as well), it's that that author has a consensual nonconsent kink and just skipped the negotiation straight to the sex.

And y'all are gonna scoff at me and call me a dumbass... but I'm asexual. This is a bit confusing to me. I'm a complete outsider when it comes to sex. But when I think about it and try to put myself in the mind of a sex-haver, I imagine sex to be the most enjoyable when there is like... tangible intimacy between the two (or more) parties. Like I can enjoy a piece of fiction where people simply fuck dirty, and I have written smut like that, but... when it gets to the point that everything in the main character's life is being sacrificed for a penis... as a person who, in real life, finds penis to be laughable at best and repulsive at worst (if any penis havers take this personally omgggg it's not you it's genitalia in general), I just... cannot abide... But it simply is not for me. That's magical.

Man, it just pisses me off, dude. That people are marking their erotica as romance. Romance is already a niche genre. It's looked down upon by men, women, and enbys alike for being most popular with women. And then romance readers aren't able to enjoy their romance because a bunch of weird erotica (neutral) has infiltrated the genre and is all anyone wants to talk about. And I imagine some erotica readers are like "hey... where the fuck are my books at???" But erotica is obviously more niche than romance because of how appalling it can get, so publishers are just like "porn is shameful, market it as a romance so we can get a movie adaptation" and I find that shitty.

[little-tunny]

My new year's resolution this year was to draw every day. I've never been very technically good at drawing so i feel like I'm starting from 0. I really admire the energy and expression in your art! Do you do anything to warm up? What's your process like when you have a technical skill you want to get better at? How do you choose the animals to represent people in your comics?

Great resolution!! Drawing is the best. :^) Set small goals for yourself and reward yourself when you complete them. AVOID BURNOUT AT ALL COSTS! I never draw more than 5 hours in a day. 30 minutes of practice, at least 5 times a week, would be an attainable goal. When you complete it, buy yourself a fun treat! If it's not fun, you won't want to do it, and you'll burn out. Draw things that make you happy! I love animals, so I really only draw animals. I stopped feeling guilty about being self indulgent years ago. Some of my favorite artists are just strange little dudes who only draw cats, and we all love them for it. I don't do many warmups, usually I just have an idea in my head and start chipping away at it. But if I'm left with a pen and paper I'll absentmindedly doodle all over it every time. I've never been to art school, but always wanted to take a figure drawing class! Some day I will. You can take figure drawing classes on youtube, but drawing from life will give you a better sense of something's form. Sites like sketchfab have all kinds of 3d models you can turn around and draw from any angle. Copy some works from artists you admire (its alright as long as you're just doing it to study and not posting them as your own!) Think about what part of their work draws you in. Mix and match elements from different styles you like. Steal someone's eyes and yoink someone else's hands. Make a Frankenstein of all your inspirations. Draw your pets sleeping! Draw a weird chair in your house! Redraw a funny meme you like! Draw weird objects you bought from the thrift store! Turn them into cartoon characters. Break real things down into their most basic shapes/elements and rebuild them. Small things build up to big things. I would prefer to have finished works than perfect works. You will learn more by doing more, rather than trying to perfect a single drawing for hours and hours. Get it done and move on to the next thing. I just get a sense of people's aura for their tunny assigned fursona, and mix that with an animal I think would be fun to draw. Sometimes I just think "this old man seems like a fish" and then i google around for the silliest species I can that fits the vibes the best. I don't think of myself as very technically skilled, but I do love drawing, and so I hope this helps you love drawing too!

[wellhalesbells]

Best of 2024 - Q1(ish)

✨✨ I forgot I told myself I was going to start doing this this year. A few people I follow do kind of a 'best of' thing and since I forget everything that happens almost immediately I thought: hey, that's a good idea for you, you should do that. So here I am with it sorta on time-ish \o/ ✨✨

Books

The Warm Hands of Ghosts, Katherine Arden. I tend to go into books with very little to no idea of what they're about (on purpose) so absolutely everything here was a surprise in the very best way. If I could've directed it, I would've directed it in exactly this way!

Voyage of the Damned, Frances White. This was such a lovely surprise?? I'm really enjoying these cross-genre books and this has to be the one that absolutely nailed both the best. It's a fantasy murder mystery and both are very involved - the world-building is excellent and the murder mystery is fun and terrifying in the best way!

Remarkably Bright Creatures, Shelby Van Pelt. I love books that like people, that prize connection, and that want to build community. Basically books that remind me that people are generally good and willing to try and that's this! Plus: octopus!

Empire of the Damned, Jay Kristoff. Empire of the Vampire was one of my favorite reads in 2022 (when I read it) and the sequel definitely lived up to its predecessor. The story is so compelling and the characters are so impossible not to fall in love with. Happily, this did not suffer from middle book syndrome: so much happened and so much moved forward.

Dinner on Monster Island, Tania de Rozario. I took this out at the library on a whim - it was available and it had a cool cover so I was in. I learned so much. I knew next to nothing about Singapore so everything to do with that blew my mind and Tania de Rozario's voice is wonderful, not to mention she connects so much of her life and surroundings to horror movies and that is a touchstone that I have in spades.

I should also special mention Howl's Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones, which I adored.... though it did completely ruin the movie for me (which I had also never seen and watched a few days later), haha. Sophie is the catalyst for absolutely every single thing that happens in the book and Howl is useless and dramatic without her and to see her be so very ineffectual in the film (and have things that happened because of her be taken away from her) while Howl was so powerful was like.... wha??? It was beautiful animation but... yeah. And Stardust by Neil Gaiman, which was so enjoyable! It has that irreverent, this-might-as-well happen humor that I love in fantasies.

Comics/Mangas/Manhwas/Etc.

On of Off, Vols. 1-3, by A1. Um. Can I just say that I love when one of the characters in a queer couple is a big huge dude? I don't know, a few years ago a switch got flipped in my head and size difference is now VERY MUCH A THING for me. I don't really want a small dude, I just want a big huge dude and a normal-sized man. (Or a big huge woman and a normal-sized woman - see Cosmoknights, which.... I'm realizing now probably had something to do with the switch and its aforementioned flippiness) Voila! I also like when the big huge dude is like: I'm not really that into it and then falls hardcore in love and has a dramatic: "What in the actual fuck just happened?" moment. This and The Dangerous Convenience Store have that exact dynamic and I cannot stress enough I could read it 100,000 more times and not get tired of it.

Saga, Volume 11, by Brian K. Vaughan. Just bring back Marko. Like, just do it. Every time it teases me with it, I want it more. Bring him back, gimme, I want. I remain in love with this series but, crap, does it just want to rip my heart out every chance it gets.

The Other World's Books Depend on the Bean Counter, Volume 4, Kazuki Irodori. This is my shit. It's a fantasy world that a completely ordinary corporate worker is sucked into and he ends up entirely reorganizing the structure of their accounting department so it a) actually functions and b) is accountable (ha). However, he has no resistance to "magicules" and the best way to acclimate him to all the magic that constantly surrounds him is for him to have sex with a very attractive soldier. Like, that's just brilliant writing is what that is, no notes. I love it, it wins all the things. (It's based on a novel that they only just began releasing in English and the comic is the superior version for me at this moment in time.)

Cherry Magic!, Vols. 9-10, by Yuu Toyota. I cannot believe I'm still so invested despite the fact that the original hook for this manga has disappeared and it's essentially just a very domestic, slice of life story now but it's just so nice to see them both happy and married and together?? So the original plot of this was there's essentially some old wives' tale that if you're a virgin at thirty you get magic powers. Cue Adachi turning thirty and he can suddenly read people's minds when he touches them and finds out through this power that his coworker, Kurosawa, is in love with him. It's a really cute, fun series and I am happy for it to go on forever. (Also, they made an anime out of it this year and it's stupid cute. There is also a live action series that I haven't watched yet.)

Therapy Game Restart, Vols. 1-3, by Meguru Hinohara. So, Minato is pile of endless insecurities in a trenchcoat and Shizuma is his confused but calm partner and it turns out I am really into that? Consistently surprised by how much I am into that but I am, in fact, into that.

Special mention to The Third Ending by Chobom - I really hope this is getting an official printing at some point because I am in love with it and I will buy the fuck out it (the fact that it's behind a digital paywall right now is the only reason this isn't number one). It is so exactly, specifically to my tastes it's ridiculous. So the idea here is Joon confesses his feelings to Yoonseul in high school, when he doesn't know him too well but likes what he sees, and Yoonseul turns him down a little harshly (he was mad at someone else and was a little less careful with his words than he would've been otherwise). Yoonseul starts having bad days on nights when he dreams of that memory and the two meet again and start hanging out so Yoonseul can assuage his conscience. They become really close friends and they end up drunkenly kissing, Yoonseul knows it's a mistake and Joon overhears him talking about it to a friend and how much he regrets it. Joon confesses his feelings again and Yoonseul, again, turns him down because he can't imagine anything physical happening between them. That should be the end of it. Except, very slowly, Yoonseul realizes he is completely in love with Joon and he's fucked this thing up to high heaven. Cue my absolute FAVORITEST dynamic - the chasee becoming the chaser.

TV

Fisk (s1-2), Netflix. This is an Australian comedy about probate lawyers and if you're on the fence about it watch the episode with the Popovitches (season 1, episode 3). I very nearly peed my pants.

Only Murders in the Building (s3), Hulu. Okay, I'm a big fan of musicals and it's not a love I indulge very often so when I do watch them, I tend to get way too into them. (Yes, I bought this album immediately.) I adored this season and I adored Howard - making him a series regular was ingenious.

The Righteous Gemstones (s3), Max. This season was so good. This show in general is so freaking good but I really loved this season. This family is so genuinely fucked up but to get to the last episode and have them rise to the occasion and figure out their brand of love was so satisfying. And I do adore that they tried to copy other functional families they saw before realizing that was just never going to work for them.

Mr. Villain's Day Off (s1), Crunchyroll. Okay, I love this manga and the show is so exactly this manga. Like, I've reblogged a ton of shot for shot comparisons so when I say 'same,' I mean 'same.' The entire idea is this monstrous alien bent on destroying the world enshrines his days off with reverence and diligence - he's just a normal guy, obsessed with pandas, who's only evil at work, thank you very much. It's just so silly and weirdly heart-warming?

Girls5Eva (s3), Netflix. There's something about Renee Elise Goldsberry for me that is magnetic. I love everything about her, I love getting to watch her do comedy, I love hearing her sing, I love her character. Also, the singing? I've mentioned how I am weak for the singing, yes?? (Yes, I have these albums too.)

Minx (Starz) was also really, really good but I wish it hadn't been canceled prematurely! It definitely wasn't finished, y'know, and it was so unfortunate to end it with Doug on the wrong side of things - I want to see the resolution, dammit!

Movies

The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent (2022). I haven't laughed at a movie like this in a long time. I've watched it twice so far this year; I went home two weeks ago and made my dad watch it with me and tears were streaming down our faces by the end. Pedro Pascal should never not be doing comedy because he was made for it.

Bottoms (2023). This is so exactly my sense of humor? The ridiculousness of this was just *chef's kiss* Also more Ayo Edibiri in everything.

Talk to Me (2022). I had been waiting for this movie to get onto some streaming platform so I could watch it and I think the best compliment I could give it is that I wanted to watch it again the next day. Great horror, great resolution!

John Wick 4. I expected this to feel so long and bloated and yet it didn't at all. I was invested the whole time and I think it helps that I watch action films, like, once every three years so these feel like fun little treats more than anything.

Nate Bargatze: The Tennessee Kid. There's a joke in here that I relate to so hard it's almost embarrassing. Talking about ordering coffee, he goes: "If you could just do whatever you think it is and if it's wrong, I won't even tell you, how about that, I will walk out of here as if that's exactly what I ordered. I will go outside, I will throw it away, and go try again at a different Starbucks." That is exactly how I would handle that and this entire special is filled with that. I giggled so hard.

Also, special mention to Taylor Tomlinson's specials Look at You and Have It All. I love how honest she is on stage and how open she is with her audience. It's rare to have that and I think it feels so special because it is.

See you all again in Q2 (ish, probably, lbr) *salutes*

[garnettfox]

Miracubots au: Akumas

Been a few days but I'm back!

Upfront, we don't have Akuma forms settled for everyone. SOME BITCHES *Stares at Chief, Dani and Kade* ARE SHOCKINGLY HARD TO DESIGN FOR.

So this isn't a complete list, hell if this ever became an actual fic some of them might end up changing.

Without further Adu, a very incomplete list of Akumas:

Ticket Master: Might as well get the Mr Pidgon equivilant out of the way, Don and his speeding tickets make him a weekly Akuma giving everyone in Griffin Rock headaches, especally the Heros. Everyone keeps begging Chief to just impound his car already but Don always pays off his fines so his hands are kinda tied.

Crawdaddy: So you know how there's occasionally a Dude who just has a Flobbster on a Leash? Ya, Ya he get's Akumatized over worrying about his pet's health. Don't worry the Flobster turns out ok.

Demolicious: Expect the spelling of this one to change a half dozen times because I hate myself and thought a portmantu of Demolition and Malicious was a great idea. Graham's Akuma form surprisingly enough formed when Graham just comepletly lost his temper after a stressful week and having to deal with a Karen of a tourest who decided to let her kids play in a derelict building he and Boulder where trying to safely demolish, and blamed him for the kids getting hurt.

Evilistratior: Alright this one was briefly mentioned and is something I kinda put in just for me. Being a very old OC of mine Dusk who I love very much. Think Bendy and the Ink machine meets Samarah from the ring and you kinda get the vibe of our Evilistratior, though instead of objects he creates ink creatures by drawing in his sketch pad as Dusk's an artist. As part of the self indulgent nonsence he becomes Graham's boyfriend. They even end up getting reakumatized into Demo and Evie together and are just an annoyingly sweet couple even when Evie's setting ink demons on everyone and Demo's trying to blow up the fucking island.

Glory Hog: Heatwaves Akuma caused by lingering stress over the entire Swallowtail situation and Kade falling back into his own glory hog ways. Glory Hog has the ability to 'Take away all attention and direct it to his self' Basically if you get hit by his beam, you kinda seace to exist for other people. They don't see you or acknowlage your there, your basically a ghost walking through your own life which is kinda horrorfying.

Emperata: Chase's Akuma formed after their reveal, Chase struggling with the sudden change in dynamic when he's become so acustomed to just the Burns family knowing. Coupled with the towns people not knowing how to treat him and just falling back on treating him like a robot when the more socal members of the team get readily accepted. Causes him to become Emperata, appearing as if Chase really had the horrorfic surgery done to him, and able to inflict the same on his brainwashed minions.

Halloweenie: More of a joke Akuma TBH, Blades after getting scared during Earlyween and getting upset at some teens tormenting some frightened younger kids, becomes the pumpkin fairy themed Halloweenie....Who makes everything cute. That's it. Cody and Frankie actually let him run around unchallenged for a bit because he is literally hurting no one, even if someone's wearing a scary costume and get zapped they can just, take the costume off no problem. And there have been a few occasions where letting the Akuma get it out of their system has calmed them down to be beatten without much of a fight.

Razorback. Boulders Akuma and it's a *bad* one. The idea I came up with was uhh....Graham and Dusk on a date off island when they run into uhhh....Anti-Anti-Fascsits if you catch my meaning. Resulting in Graham getting hurt enough to need the hospital and Dusk in jail needing bailing out for defending the pair of them. Boulder having never known about this side of humanity is just so blindsided and *angry* he's more or less a ball of walking distruction before he's calmed and deakumatised.

Defensor:....You saw it coming, don't pretend. Ya in this universe the episode where Cheif get's hurt and goes the hospital goes a little worse, not too much so, but the bots getting a nasty reminder of not only how fragile humans are but how short lived they are...What's more, their humans are emergancy responders, a profession that famously *shortens* those already brief lifespans....Ya, their pain and grief causes them to be fused into the group Akuma Defensor, who desides to take over the security systems Vigil was meant to once operate, they'll keep their family safe....no matter what....

[theseasasleep]

Story of Kunning Palace E03 (semi-live reaction)

So, it's our heroine's fate to always be crushed on by the spoiled Princess? LOL

There's no way a young woman who climbed all the way to Empress can avoid most of the path to that fate. In most of the webnovels of this type I've read, reaching that type of pinnacle means you have a fate with it, regardless of the ultimate outcome. The best Xue Ning can do is flip the script on circumstances while doing her best to skirt around the thornier aspects of future events.

1st Life: the Princess thinks back to her first encounter with Xue Ning with humiliation, embarrassment and rage

2nd Life: the Princess will think back on their first encounter with pride, happiness and warmth

So far so good. Although I totally get why she'd want to avoid tangling with a temperamental royal who she had a terrible experience with.

...

I really like how this show is shot. Sometimes you never know with cdramas if you'll get a cheap or pedestrian directing style or a dramatic and/or compelling one.

...

The show is still building its foundations and I'm just so eager to jump into the action!

*fight sequence starts 1 minute later* AND HERE WE GO!

Dude is more pissed off by the damaged qin strings than the assassination attempt! HA!

Xue Ning, as hostage: *minimize connections to minimize involvement* Mr. Hostage-taker, sir, I know Xie Wei only through the grapevine...

Xie Wei: MISS XUE NING, PLEASE DON'T SELL OUR CONNECTION SO SHORT! YOUR FATHER AND I ARE GREAT FRIENDS! IN FACT, YOU ARE MY LIFE SAVIOR!

Xue Ning:

...

Take me instead.

Mmm. Something about the silky oomph with which he said that line combined with his expression... Okay, okay, Zhang Ling He. It took three episodes but you got me: the character of Xie Wei is now officially attractive to me. All he had to do was low key deliver a line that just vibrates with high key threat.

Man, what era are my hormones in? Between finding my mojo over one ML threatening to tear an offensive man's tongue out and fixing my posture when this one is nothing but velvet menace, I need a name for it. I need to know. Should I be worried? Scared? Aroused?

oh. oh. he's so sexy... okay, now you're just showing off; put the murderous sexiness away

Not this man calling her out, leaving her neither a fissure to hide in or a crumb for modesty!

I... I can't wait until he's incandescently in love with her because I just know, I just know it will be so magnificent I won't know what to do with myself.

Girl, while you are absolutely right to defend your current relationship with Yan Lin and right to say it is a flirtation that is undeserving of such rude scrutiny... you (and us) know that man speaks no lies. You are trifling with Yan Lin and you would have done him plenty of harm without the benefit of literal 20/20 hindsight.

That being said, I see @dangermousie point: kicking off a relationship trying to gin up, stoke and maintain fear in the other party is an excellent way to receive future comeuppance in the form of watching the woman you desperately love side-eye you as she lavishes protection and support on her other suitors.

...

I like Yan Lin. Not too sorry to say that. Hopefully Life No. 2 keeps him off the rapist track.

It's nice seeing Xue Ning enjoying festivities. The impression I have of her first life self is that while she reveled in being "wild", she likely didn't really allow herself to enjoy being young and with friends, too busy being hungry.

Dear. God. That seamless transition from earnest Yan Lin in Life No. 2 waxing poetic about his first impressions of Xue Ning to embittered Yan Lin in Life No. 1 waxing poetic about his first impressions of Xue Ning with the exact. same. words. Add to it the implied threat of sexual violence in LIfe No. 1!!!

Chills.

*gagging* Did I say I like Yan Lin? Show, it's going to be hard for me to keep that opinion if you keep flashing back to that.

Me during the Life No. 2 Ning x Yan kiss scene:

I want no part of it.

All right, dude, are you telling me you raped her because she plain text told you she planned to marry someone who could help her achieve her goals?! She didn't sell you out to the devil... Or refuse to shelter either you or wounded family members... but because when you were at your lowest, like the bitch she admittedly is... was..., she told you the truth and cut ties? I mean, that's reason enough not to warn her a coup is coming for her ass in Life No. 1. There's no reason for rape, ever; even if she lit your dog on fire, you can't rape her. Just WTF, guy?!

...

Not that it excuses any of her horrid behavior but I can see how lonely Xue Ning is in what should be her familial home. That cozy scene between her parents and half-sister where in her absence there is only affection and warmth and in her presence, only awkwardness and discomfort.

She lived a childhood in poverty and exile being spoken and looked down upon; returned to her parents' home to find herself being shunted as second-born (in an era where hierarchy matters) and defective instead of receiving proper homecoming. I can see why the attraction of her sole dream, her ultimate goal - becoming Empress - would become all-consuming, especially if such a dream sustained her in exile and fueled her defiance at home.

...

Oh, jesus christ, Yan Lin, don't be an idiot! Don't believe in an enemy soldier during wartime, like...?!

...

So Xue Ning might have accidentally sold Yan Lin out to the devil.

But in her defense, that wasn't her intention. Just to watch him. Like a politics-minded creeper.

Me to Ning as she reads her former coachman cum spy to filth: GET HIM.

[justsomestoicguy]

The Red Means I Love You

It's been a week since my ill-fated slip-up with Stain. 

He left things off on a "let's continue this another time" note. But it's the kind where he purposefully tries to steer away from the topic.

And honestly? I'm grateful we haven't resumed that convo, because I am far from ready yet.

But on a lighter note, I managed to escape my group's wrath with the 'ol "family emergency" excuse. 

Well… mostly.

Tanaka gave me hell for ditching the project and my work. I had to play the sympathy card hard, claiming, "Family's complicated, you know?", knowing damn well she wouldn't buy it for one bit. But hey, it was enough to keep her off my back.

So now, I've settled into a routine: Ops on Tuesdays and Thursdays—schoolwork and friends the rest of the week. 

Oh, and keeping in touch with Stain through a burner phone. Very secret agent-y, if I do say so myself.

Today, I'm back at the 2nd Training Corps, which apparently only consists of Toga and me for now. 

I had some suspicions about why Stain placed me here with her, and they were immediately confirmed when Stain mentioned Scourge left him a list of people to take in in case of a worst-case scenario (shrewd as always, Scourge).

He thought that, by extension, that also meant getting me close with said people, and so he did what he did and put me here.

It left me wondering, though, what other names are on that list? Dabi? Twice? Other "salvageable" members from the League of Villains?

Unfortunately, I couldn't ask Stain about it since he's too busy running the Ops. Dude's surprisingly competent. 

And as for Toga, well…

"Ran-kun!" she calls out, her voice bright and bubbly. "You done sweeping over there?"

I finish up the last bit of dust and lean on my broom, glancing at her. "Yeah, just about. Sensei'll have our heads if she finds a speck of dirt left."

Why are we on cleaning duty, you may ask? Well, because according to our very wise and very pretty mentor, Onibi-sensei (or just Sensei as we call her), "Discipline is the key to success."

Not quite what I imagined when I signed up for secret vigilante work, but hey, I'll take what I can get for now.

Toga skips over to me, her smile widening. "It's kinda fun, y'know? Doing this with you."

"Sure," I say, forcing a chuckle. "As long as it doesn't involve getting yelled at, I'm game."

We've been getting along pretty well, all things considered. 

Unlike me, Toga has happily left her old life behind. And while I know her reasons (thanks, MHA fandom), I'm waiting for her to tell me herself. Building rapport and all that.

But, of course, it's never that simple. 

Toga has a... unique way of expressing affection. 

Case in point: she pulls out a knife, eyes twinkling with that signature, unsettling glee. "Ran-kun…" she addresses sweetly, almost innocently.

Great. Just great. I sigh, trying to keep my cool.

"No, Toga-chan," I say firmly, holding up a hand. 

Her smile falters, eyes darkening with a hint of hurt. I quickly add, "You shouldn't just rush into people like that. It's not polite. You should ask nicely first if you want something from them."

She blinks, caught off guard. For a moment, I think I've made a terrible mistake. But then her face lights up with pure unadulterated joy. 

"Oh! Okay! Er, Ran-kun, can I taste your blood, please? Pretty please?"

Don't be so blunt about it!

Still, I reluctantly (though I tried not to show it) nod. "I—sure. But let me do the dirty work myself. And no drinking directly from me, okay?" I motion for her to give me the knife.

She pouts, clearly not thrilled with the stipulations, but agrees, handing me the blade.

I scream internally, grabbing a cup from a nearby counter and mentally preparing to make a small incision on my hand. 

C'mon, Ran. Just get this over with.

Angling the knife, I slice swiftly, drawing blood from the back of my hand over the cup.

Y'ouch.

It hurts, but I'm thankfully able to keep a neutral face. Toga watches with rapt attention, practically bouncing on the balls of her feet. 

As the cup fills to about a centimeter, I pull my hand back and press some tissues against the cut. 

Toga snatches the cup and downs it all in one go, her face glowing with satisfaction as her eyes fluttered shut in apparent ecstasy. 

Shivers. Everywhere. 

Yeesh.

"So sweet," she murmurs. "God, you're so sweet, Ran-kun." Toga grins and clings to my arm with a dreamy look. 

"I love you sooo, so much!"

Ah, the "L" word. Here we go.

Gotta shut this down, fast.

"I don't like girls," I blurted out. If there's anything that can get her to back off, it's this.

She blinks in surprise before beaming again. "That's okay! I can turn into a boy for you!"

"No," I said instantly, "that wouldn't be true to yourself, now wouldn't it?"

That finally gives her pause, and she sulks. "Oh..."

"But," I continue, searching for the right words, "you have the cutest smile a girl could ever have, y'know? And your love for people is... intense, to say the least. Which I deeply admire."

Her face lights up again. "You really think so?"

"Absolutely," I say, patting her on the shoulder. "But you deserve someone who'll love you the way you love them. And that someone just isn't me."

She looks down, clearly disheartened, but I emphasize, "Don't worry, I'll still be here for you as a friend, okay? We're friends, right?"

Her face brightens once more. "Yeah! Friends!"

I chuckle weakly, inwardly sighing in relief. 

It's hard work being in good graces with Toga, but I'll put up with it.

She was one of my favorite characters in MHA, for one.

For another…

Having someone with her quirk—perfect for infiltration and espionage—on my side could be invaluable. 

Especially with the goal I have in mind.

Just then, I hear the door creak.

Geh—Sensei's back.

"Boss Stendhal!" 

…Now that catches my attention. 

I turn around and see Stain approaching us.

"Boss Stendhal!" Toga repeats, waving at Stain excitedly. "Ran-kun and I were just finishing up our cleaning duties!"

Stain nods. "Good. Discipline is important."

He then turns his gaze toward me. "Akako Ran, I'd like to have a word with you."

My eyes widen, and a smile begins to blossom.

"Are we finally gonna talk about it?" I ask, skipping as I walk toward Stain.

He nods again. "Yes."

"Talk? About what?" Toga chimes in, gaze flicking back and forth between Stain and me.

"It's confidential, Toga Himiko," he replies.

This makes her pout. "Fiiine," she drawls, huffing her way away from us.

I watch her leave with a chuckle. It's good that she didn't protest, at least.

"Akako Ran."

I glance at Stain.

"Let's go somewhere private," he states.

My nerves and excitement become almost too much for me to handle.

"So you'll hear me out on my plan?" I whisper, wanting to make sure.

Stain studies my face.

"Since it concerns the Hero Public Safety Commission, after all."

Heh.

My grin broadens.

—

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