#I'm just so fatigued I'm pretty worried it may get worse | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hoshigray · 2 years ago

Text

Only You Can Tie My Hands | K. Nanami

Hear me out: Nanami returns home from work to his loving partner, and you happily welcome him. Taking off his blazer, led him to the bedroom, giving him a "massage," doing all the things to help ease the poor blonde of stress. But what does a "massage" entail, and why does it involve his necktie?

A/n: Although it may seem like I only write for Toji because most of the stuff I put out is about him (bc I'm his one and only domestic wife outside of his late one whom I respect), don't get it twisted!! Some of these JJK men can make me swoon just like him (Choso and Nanami, my darlings~~~), so I'm writing yet another lil something in honor of one of them! This draft was an option for a poll but wasn't picked for a drawing. However, that doesn't mean I can't post it at all sooooo you get a win, Nanami stans :D

Cw: slight dom! reader x Nanami - the reader is androgynous or gn! bc I wrote pretty ambiguously in this piece - slight bondage (you tie up Nanami's wrist with a ribbon cloth) - sex with a blindfold (using Nanami's tie) - sensual touching - kisses on the body - handjob - ball massaging - blowjob - pet names (Nanami calls you beloved, darling, love, sweet pea; you call him "babe" and "honey") - throatfucking kind of (??) bc you go at your own pace.

Wc: 2k

It was a difficult day, but that's usual for Nanami Kento.

Today he had meetings after meetings with many of his sorcerer subordinates, had to go on two missions, and, of course, had to deal with the ever-annoyingly casual Gojo Satoru.

Nothing he couldn't handle, but the poor blonde man would be a fool to say he wasn't exhausted. All he wants to do is be in his space, his home. He can practically feel the soft surface of his bed.

It's all he's thinking about when he opens the door to his apartment and crouches to take off his shoes.

"Kento!"

Okay, that was a lie. There was something else he's been dying to see once he left work. Something more precious than his bed.

Then comes you walking from the corner, and your bright smile was the first thing that captured him. It was filled with such a glow that his fatigue almost vanished there and then.

He offers a small smile and straightens himself to greet you. "Hello, my love."

Your smile beams harder. It was a good thing Nanami wore his goggles before removing them. You rush to kiss him, and he hums into your lips. Then your gleeful glow is substituted with instant worry. "Oh honey, what happened to you? You look as if you didn't eat anything!"

"I didn't," Nanami admits as you unbutton and take his tan blazer. He follows you to the bedroom, where you hang his suit in the closet while he flops onto the bed.

"Kentyyy~" You use his nickname before you lecture him. A smile quirks up on his lips because you're the only one who refers to him with said name, and he prefers to keep it that way. "You're so lucky I cooked up something. You know you have to eat!"

Nanami hums, readjusting to lie on the pillow and headboard. His eyes follow your figure sit beside him, a warm hand coming up to stroke his cheek. "I know, darling. I was just caught up in too much, is all."

And you know he's telling the truth. It's the fourth day in a row that Nanami comes from work looking way more exhausted than he'd allow. But it was worse yesterday when he returned from past daylight hours, surprising even him. His face still looks the same, but you can make out slight depictions of dark circles forming under his eyes and muscles tensing, not from lack of sleep but because of his body being worn out.

Despite your worry, all he asks is for you to stay safe and smile. And you do just that with a willing heart. Thank goodness it's a Friday.

"Well. since the weekend is finally upon us," a brow is drawn upwards from your building excitement. "I cooked your favorite: chicken alfredo. But!" You cheekily stop him from saying something because his mouth opens, yet no words dare leave until you finish your sentence. "With a bread bowl! And yes, the pasta isn't ribbon."

A chuckle is well-received as you smile harder. "Oh, really? Is that what you've been working on all day?"

"Uhh, of course!" You proudly huff as you lightly pinch his cheek. "You've been working too hard this week, so you deserve to be spoiled by me!"

"You spoil me already just by living with me, my love." He leans in to kiss you, which you gladly reciprocate. One kiss leads to two, and two leads to three.

You break the kiss when you feel a hand finds its way behind your head, giggling at his sneaky action. "Aht aht aht, can't go having dessert without a meal."

"Oh, I know," his forehead gently lands on yours, "but wouldn't you be so kind as to let a tired man like me have a little taste?"

The way his mocha brown eyes survey yours, practically begging you for any sign of yielding to his request, it almost has you drop your guard down. But something else comes to your mind, and you can feel your grin go from ear to ear.

"Perhaps I have an idea to relieve you from your stress, Mr. Nanami." You lightly push his back onto the headboard, your eyes silently commanding him not to move from that spot. He indulges as you get up and grab for something in the closet. You come back to the bed with a smooth ribbon fabric. "Please put your hands up above your head."

A brow is raised, yet Nanami continues to oblige your wishes. With grace and patience, you wrap the fabric around his wrists and tie them onto the headboard. Nanami now voices his thoughts. "Something tells me you're going to get more out of this than me."

You only giggle as you untie his necktie from his blue dress shirt. "I wouldn't say that when I haven't even started yet, Kenty." You then tell him to close his eyes and wrap the dotted material around them.

Completely vulnerable in his line of sight, Nanami feels the weight of your body dent the bed as you move from the side of him down to where his legs are. He feels your hands slide down from his chest in tease, fingers delicately tracing his abdomen after you unbutton his shirt to reveal his well-built physique. You sensually kiss his body as your hands roam to his tan pants.

His breathing goes uneven when you spread his dressed legs apart, leaving his clothed groin in your line of vision. He hears you hum in loving anticipation. Oh, you're definitely getting a kick out of this. The sound of the zipper on his trousers alerts him, and he'd be a fool if he denied the titillation brewing inside him.

As for you, the image of his hard cock in his briefs has you swooned. The urge to pounce him beats your head like a drum, but that will have to wait for later. Because right now is meant to be a moment for him to relax and possibly give you something to do after cooking all day. The groans from Nanami when you stroke his member through the underwear are so hot to the ears that your ass sways from side to side to ease the heat growing south.

When his length is set free, your breath hitches at the marvelous sight. Even after all this time being together, you can't control the arousing pulsation of your core that manages to creep up whenever you see his dick. It's good that Nanami's blindfolded because how you liked your bottom lip would've baffled him.

Speaking of him, the blonde isn't used to this. When it comes to intimacies, looking at you is the highlight. Watching you ride him while his rough hands propel you down to his cock, how your body struggles to take his fingers drilling inside your sensitive hole, or the beatific expression on your face as you beckon him to come close for a kiss as he drives himself deep within you.

Just looking at you as he does whatever with your body can drive him crazy. Take that away, and Nanami feels like he's in an uncertain territory where you do what you want with him. It's a rarity and totally out of routine...That doesn't mean he doesn't like it, though.

How can he, when he silently gasps for air when he feels a wet muscle slide along the underside of his shaft? Or when your lips place teasing kisses on the beautiful veins that decorate his dick? And, oh Lord, when your tongue laps around the tip, causing the man to bite down on his lip?

You laugh at his attempt to suppress himself. "It's alright, honey, no need to limit yourself. Let it all out." You coo at him as your hand snakes up to his dick as the other massages his inner thigh. Pretty fingers slide up and down the length, and the pads of your fingertips rub against the sensitive tip, causing the poor blonde to groan through gritted teeth.

"Haaaah, haaah—Hnngh!" You could listen to his whimpers all day. "Aghhh—Y/n, my beloved, you're so..." The way he slightly ruts his groin towards you is telling. You smile at him even when he can't see it, but he knows you are. He knows you're watching and listening to him dissolve into a mess.

"I know, babe. I know just how to make you relax, huh." The hand on his inner thigh moves to his sack as the other strokes the base. Nanami jolts at both your hands, sculpting his dick simultaneously as his mind runs in circles at the pleasurable torture.

When he senses your plump lips faintly kiss the tip of his cock, he knows he's too far in. He curses the restraints on his wrists and eyes because he only wants to see you take his length to the base right now. Now those thoughts are challenged as your lips take in the pink tip of his member and slowly inch downwards.

Your jaw relaxes while you take in all of him at your own pace, his cock sinking further into your mouth until your lips almost brush his pelvis. His penis pulsating inside your mouth and throat has you under a euphoric spell. You slowly bob your head up and down, putting your hands on his thighs to hold him down before he starts thrusting and screwing with your slow tempo.

Nanami does all he can to maintain his composure, but God, the feeling of your throat on his shaft is doing wonders. Not only do the inner walls of your oral cavity feel so warm around him, but the blindfold has him using his imagination of how you look right now. He can just picture your pretty hooded eyes looking up at him, gauging his reactions as your ass rocks to and fro, tolerating the neediness between your legs.

It kills him that he can't physically see and touch you; however, your fleshy touch, paired with his creative fantasy, is doing just as much. That is, until a hand returns to massaging his balls, urging him to hunch further. He's now close.

"Hnngh!! Oh fuck, fuck, fuck," If you weren't so full in the mouth, you'd giggle at the blonde's curses. "I'm about to—Mhmm! Oh God..."

You decide to help him in his release, slowly withdrawing his cock from your mouth and going for the head, your tongue lapping and licking in his most sensitive glands. Your hand on his sack kneed presses down harder, and Nanami wastes no time shooting his load to you. You happily take in his cum with your mouth, none going to waste as you're licking in any excess amounts.

Once he's done ejaculating and you're done drinking his essence, a pop leaves the mark as your lips leave his twitching head while you sigh blissfully.

Nanami breathes heavily in euphoria, "I thought you said...dessert shouldn't come before a meal."

"Don't question the methods of a cook, babe." you climb on top of him to undo the ribbon cloth on the headboard, your pants mixed with his. "So, I hope that helped ease some stress of yours."

"No."

No??

And it was at that moment you realized you probably shouldn't have untied his wrists first. Because one moment you're above him, your back sinking deep into the mattress the next. His hands pin you down by the shoulders, and a leg is positioned between yours, a knee rubbing against the aching sensation between your pants.

Nanami takes off his tie to free his eyes, brown orbs now cast with the intoxicating guise of lust and want. Your blood runs cold. Oh, I'm in danger.

"N-Now, Kenty, we shouldn't be doing this now," you try to plead before he does anything rash. "You have to take a shower and freshen up before dinner or else—"

"No, sweet pea. I don't think it's fair you get to have a piece of me, but I'm subjected to wait afterward to do the same." He removes your pants in seconds and sets your legs on his shoulders. Heat spreads around your face when his face draws near your opening, and you already have a hand grab for his hair in anticipation.

"Dinner can wait, darling. Right now, I just want you."

489 notes · View notes

anexperimentallife · 7 months ago

Text

Life/Health Update

The thing we've been most worried about is the damage to my heart from COVID and anti-inflammatories. BP has been slowly going down over the past few months, so that would seem to indicate that at least SOME of the damage to my heart is healing. Let's hope. Need to get all those tests done again to know for sure, but for now they've taken me off one of my BP meds, so that's promising. (This was the main thing we were considering trying to get back to the states for, so I could use my medical benefits.) The rest of the stuff impacts quality of life, but isn't directly life-threatening, so if the other issues have to wait, they have to wait.

The hole in my throat still needs closed up. That will probably be the priority once we get my mouth issues (below) sorted. This one is kind of dangerous, as food, medication, and liquids often get stuck in there, and can throw off med dosages and sometimes cause me to choke. Been lucky so far, I guess.

One place in my jaw still pokes through inside, and another is threatening to. If those places don't start reabsorbing within the next few days, they'll have to open up the inside of my mouth AGAIN to file them down. So I'm gumming my food for at least another eight weeks before we can do anything about new teeth.

We're able to get the eye drops that take down the swelling in my retina fairly regularly now, so here's hoping that if I keep using them for three more months they'll have some kind of permanent effect. Probably still need surgery on that eye, though. Sucks that this happened to my formerly good eye--it used to have 20/10 vision. Temperature seems to play a role in the amount of fun-house-mirror-vision, but we live in the tropics, so not much to do about that. (We live in the mountains, so it's not as bad as the lowlands, but AC is rare up here.)

I don't think the cataract in the other eye has gotten too much worse, but that's obviously going to need surgery eventually, as well. If I can come out of this with one good eye, I'll consider myself lucky.

Brain fog (combination of long COVID, ADHD, Autism, and a traumatic brain injury) is still bad, but not as bad as it was. Nothing to do about that but wait.

My spine injuries are still an issue, with occasionally arm cramping/paralysis that used to be JUST in my right arm, but now sometimes spreads to my left. At least the cramping keeps the muscles toned? (Trying to look at the bright side here.) Neck exercises and stretching help with that, as does ice. (I mean, yeah, there's the constant pain, too, but that's the least of my concerns.)

Still need that second foot surgery, because the cauterization didn’t completely take from the last one; not only am I open for another infection (like the two-year one that an infectious disease specialist finally cleared up for me), but walking is pretty painful, too, even if I’m not talking about joint injuries.

Joint injuries... Hoo boy. Definitely gonna need a hip replacement eventually, and probably both knees.

I have chronic fatigue now, plus every pre-existing condition and old injury I had has been exacerbated by long COVID. It sucks. My stamina is improving little by little, though.

Treatment for all of the medical stuff has to wait for one thing at a time to be affordable. My health was stable until COVID, but now... Damn. Unfortunately, COVID came around around the time we found out we were having a baby, and four bouts of COVID have left my health completely fucked and exacerbated all my old injuries.

(If you're new here, you may not know that the licensing contract to convert some of my old fiction to a game--which, fortunately, did not count as "work income" for social security purposes--got canceled just weeks after El was born, meaning our income dropped way down, and that a snafu with Eleanor's birth certificate made her stateless, which took every bit of our savings plus the proceeds from a fundraiser to correct. If not for the combo of COVID and El's birth certificate snafu, we'd be fine both medically and financially.)

I'm working on plotting out more Quiet World and Alex And stuff, which I'll be shopping around, but frankly, even if it sells, it probably won't be much. (If you were here in 2013, you may remember that I had just started to have success selling my fiction to pro markets when my sons died, which threw me for a loop for several years, so I have to start over building a reputation.)

We've considered a move back to the US to use my medical benefits, but a) that'd be expensive af, and b) the US may be on the edge of becoming a military dictatorship, so even if we had the money for it, we'd want to wait to see what November holds.

So yeah, that's what's been going on with my health and our finances. As always, @thesurestthing and Baby El bring me joy, and my sort-of-adopted niece @geniussheepworld is a great help to all of us.

With so many people in the world suffering so much, I am reluctant to post a funding link. We are MOSTLY financially stable--it's just that we have to save up for my medical stuff while we work to finish paying off about 11K USD of debt from El's paperwork thing and all the medical whammies (and thank you to everyone who has helped already)--but if you want to help with that, the best link is either our paypal donation link or Ko-Fi.

#uncle rob gets personal #uncle rob gets medical

11 notes · View notes

writingseaslugs · 1 year ago

Text

I'm alive...kinda?

So it's been a while huh? Since the end of March actually, since I last posted anything. Which sucks because it was literally right after I was super excited to do a collab with a friend, as well as my plans for getting content out! So what happened you may ask (and I'm referring to the lovely people who are in my inbox asking and being concerned, I'm so sorry for worrying ya). Well, let me tell you!

Health.

Sucks.

So here's a quick TW because I'm going to go into detail about everything that's happened since the last time I was here under the cut. This includes both issues with eating (involuntary), as well as surgical stuff. There will also be a TL;DR at the end of this post.

So as I've mentioned previously (I think) I have chronic nausea. I'm almost always feeling sick after I eat therefore I don't really...eat much. Especially not when I'm working because I can't afford to be sick and have to go home (my job requires me to be on my feet, interacting with clients all day and I woke 9-hour shifts). So because I'm unable to get enough nutrients (normally I won't even eat until I get home from work, and if I do it's protein drinks and pudding during my work day), I'm pretty...weak most of the time.

Let me tell you, eating is so important to function like a human. If you don't you are tired, your muscles hurt, and there are so many other horrible things that go into it that I won't go into detail about.

My biggest problem with not being able to eat enough is fatigue. I am always tired and in a brain fog that writing is impossible. If I can even get the energy to open up my laptop and bring it to my bed, it's typically dashed the moment I open a Word document and can barely type.

I had maybe a solid good week or two a month back right after I went on vacation to see a friend (probably because I was able to eat regularly-ish due to not having to worry about being sick at work) however, like always, it was quickly squashed with reality and I went back to brain fog central, but I feel like it was worse this time.

I only had the energy to talk with three of my closest friends, and occasionally I'd have the brain capacity and energy to play games with one of them, but that's about it. I can't tell you how many times I had to cancel my weekly call with one of my friends from being too tired or putting off playing a game with my other because I just didn't have the energy to cross my room and pick up my controller. It was bad.

Most of my days off have been in bed, sleeping, and trying to eat. So it hasn't been great.

However, two weeks ago something happened. I had stomach pain. Which granted, I have had before. Not the normal nausea but physical pain that if you pressed on my stomach it hurt. I was even walking with a limb by the end of the day. It doesn't happen often but I'm stubborn and don't like going to the hospitals so I had always chalked it up to a "self-correcting problem". For years. Whenever this happened it would go away within a few hours (nine hours max).

So when I woke up the NEXT day and it was still hurting, something was a bit wrong. I called out of work because there was no way I would've been able to stand and made a small deal with myself that if it wasn't gone by the next morning I would...go to the doctor. I know, crazy that I was gonna wait to be in pain for nearly three days but I hate hospitals and I didn't have health insurance with my new job.

Well, this wasn't good enough for my mom and she convinced me to go. The only way she did that was she seemed concerned. Now I'm dramatic. Very, very dramatic. And also a bit of a hypochondriac so I always feel like when I'm sick or in pain I'm simply being dramatic and that it's not actually serious even though my anxiety is telling me I might literally be dying (the number of times I have almost passed out by standing up and brushed it off, or laid in bed and suddenly my heart rate was going off like I sprinted a mile and decided I was probably fine is impeccable).

So I go to the emergency room and they ran some tests and what would you know! It's my appendix. And it wanted to break up with me...how admirable. And apparently, it was way worse than doctors initially thought because I happen to have an abnormally high pain tolerance so when asked on a scale of 1 - 10 what my pain was I said a 3. Apparently, with how bad off it was, I should've been at a 10+ but oh well.

The surgery that they predicted would be no longer than half an hour ended up being an entire hour, and I got four incisions when they said I'd only have three.

So I've been recovering for the past two weeks and should hopefully be back at work on Thursday. Decided to make this post because for once I've been able to eat decent meals for a few days in a row since I haven't been at work, and my brain is actually working for a while. I'm hoping maybe it'll continue so I can start writing again (Writing Twisted Wonderland content is a huge comfort of mine) but who knows.

Maybe my chronic nausea will be solved and I'll be nice and healthy and be able to eat regularly. I can dream. However since I have had a lot of people in my inbox asking me where I've been and if I'm doing already, and how I've essentially ghosted several friends in the fandom since I just don't have the energy to message many people, I figured I should give you the explanation as to what happened.

I'm going to try to get a little bit of writing done today, maybe bust out a few requests. I'm a bit stressed out since one of my good friends is currently on their way to the hospital because she's also a sick bean like me, but also I know damn well she'd enjoy seeing some Twisted Writing so imma do it.

Thank you for listening to my ramblings! I love you all!

TL;DR - I got really sick and couldn't write and then my appendix said bye.

#slug speaks 💛

31 notes · View notes

queendopamine · 1 year ago

Text

Opening up about mental health, the healthcare system, and my diagnoses

I'm no stranger to therapy. Though I've never lasted longer than 6 months, I've tried different therapists over the years. I know I need to dig in and do some deep, hands-on work. I've gotten by with some of the tools they've given me, as well as my own efforts at attempting self-help.

In May, I went back to therapy and also saw a psychiatrist for the first time ever. I did a psych eval with her last week.

I received a diagnosis of anxiety, PTSD, and Bipolar. These are also things the therapist had evaluated me for and talked to me about. I scored high on her tests for them. I've always been good at tests...The damn test was how I got my bipolar diagnosis in 2010. Some NP at a walk-in clinic gave me a couple assessments and heard my story about how I reacted on Prozac. Said that depression was only telling half the story and gave me some meds. I had to go off them after a couple months because I got pregnant, but that was as far as I ever went in my Bipolar journey.

Since 2010, I had distanced myself from the Bipolar dx and label. Not only did I not like the stigma, but I just didn't relate to it as much as other things. Borderline seemed to address a lot of similar symptoms. At one point, I even thought I had DID. In 2020, like many chronically-online Millennials in the pandemic, thought I might have ADHD. For much longer, I've considered that I have OCD.

But for now, my doctor is choosing to treat the Bipolar and said she didn't "get ADHD vibes from me" and for now, she wouldn't agree that I have ADHD (I got through school, I finish my work on time, I paid attention to her questions --those were her reasons). She said I might have OCD tendencies based on what I described but she didn't fully label me as OCD or change my treatment at all.

She did say that over time, things could change--as in additional dxes might be given or they might be changed. And of course, we might try different treatments. It's all trial and error.

To start, I'm going on a mood stabilizer (Vraylar) and an anti-anxiety medicine (hydroxizine). I hope I can find the right combination of meds and that the side effects will be minimal and manageable. I havent been on a mood stabilizer in a long time. I don't really remember much about it. I've tried many different anti-depressants and Xanax. The anti-depressants always seemed to make me worse and Xanax just makes me sleepy as fuck.

My doctor gave me an overview of the Vraylar and Hydroxizine. She told me the symptoms and what to look out for. But then reading the pamphlets about them gave me a whole different perspective. Drowsiness was the big one that stuck out to me for both--not only did she not warn me about this, but she even told me hydroxizine wouldn't cause me to be sleepy and I could take up to 400mg a day and I'd be fine. It would help me sleep, but it wouldn't put me to sleep, like Xanax would, in her words.

Like many anti-depressants or mood stabilizers, Vraylar warns of potential weight gain. But it also can cause high blood sugar and high cholesterol. I already have elevated cholesterol so that's unfortunate. I didn't tell my psychiatrist this and now I am wondering if she'll switch meds when I do tell her. I'm not sure why I didn't mention it. All those potential side effects worry me though. I already struggle with my weight and because of my PCOS, I am pretty much already at risk for diabetes--though no tests have come back to indicate that I'm even pre-diabetic, so that's good. The cholesterol is something to worry about though and I will bring that up when I see her again.

Drowsiness is the worst symptom though and I'll tell you why. It's because I switched back to Zyrtec for my allergies and even though I take it at night, it's just a lot. it makes it hard to get up the in the morning. I can handle it okay during the day when I halve the pill, but I still end up dragging around, fatigued. I hope my body adjusts. I don't want to be tired all day. I have horrible allergies and have been receiving allergy shots for them, which contributes to fatigue on shot days. I can't live my life like a zombie all the time.

Just feeling overwhelmed and frustrated and annoyed. I know it's going to take time to adjust to both new medications and even to the Zyrtec. And if Vraylar and Hydroxizine don't work, it will be onto something else. I'm just eager to get it right and feel fulfilled and content. I want to be able to workout if I want to. I want to relax if I want to. I just don't want to be ruled by fear or lack of energy or zero motivation. I want to be in control of my body. Drowsiness is opposite of this.

Onto the PTSD...that shouldn't have surprised me, but it did. I wasn't expecting that. I don't know if the meds will help with my PTSD symptoms. But I know that my stepmom and her sister both receive ketamine treatment periodically. Both of them have bad depression and it helps them tremendously. According to the website, it helps with PTSD and bipolar symptoms as well. So I've considered that as an option, but I want to try meds first.

That brings me to the other issue--cost. I'm lucky that I can pull together the funds when needed and tighten up spending enough to afford these expensive-ass therapy/psych appointments. I also have a boyfriend I live with who makes almost 2x what I do and can pick up the slack or give me money if I really need it. Most people are not in that situation. There are people in my own family who cannot afford certain things. Mental health is a luxury to them.

Something so important and life-changing is a luxury that they can't afford. It's tragically common. Health insurance in the US is a joke. I can't even bill them for these sessions. It's not that they don't cover any mental health/behavioral health (though that's part of it sometimes), it's that the places I have visited do not bill health insurance for some reason. Maybe it's harder to work with them. maybe there's something about the way they bill. I truly do not know. But it's expensive as hell and I know if it were easier, they would bill insurance.

So yeah it's hard enough that I have to scrape together the money and really budget out my spending and think of every dollar. But there are people who have to do this with groceries, with feeding their children! People who have to choose which bills to pay. They can't just scrape together some extra money and spend it on mental health. Those people are fucked. and then their kids, who grow up in poverty or who are surrounded by this constant survival mentality, will grow up traumatized and in need of therapy they can't afford either. The cycle continues.

Does the government care? No. This system isn't built well and it's failing the people who need it the most.

I could talk more about the PTSD and Bipolar. what they mean to me and the symptoms I'm having. But I'm tired (go figure) and this is all I can manage.

#personal #trauma #PTSD #bipolar #psychiatry #therapy #mental health #american healthcare

4 notes · View notes

getmemymicroscope · 11 months ago

Text

Well, I guess this is it for the DCEU as we know it, and this movie ... well, sorta just fits into pretty much everything else (aside from Wonder Woman, Shazam!, Blue Beetle, and the Snyder cut; also, maybe, Aquaman the first; finally, also from Harley Quinn, though I'm not sure if that fits into this 'DCEU' storyline) in that it ... sorta just happens. Very reminiscent of the recent Flash movie, which makes sense since that was also released upon us after we had already been told that this DCEU was dead. (Also, fuck WB/DC forever for cancelling Batgirl but then still giving us Flash and this instead.)

I mean, I guess there's nothing inherently wrong with this movie (as long as you don't pay attention to the personal lives of the star cast), but on the other hand, the movie just sorta blahly exists.

I mean kudos for completely ignoring the rest of the DCEU (in fact, we may have had more MCU references than DCEU references!) - it's been a while since we've had this sort of 'stand alone' (I know, I know, it's a sequel) movie in a time where sequels and prequels and offshoots and remakes are all the jam. And while this one falls into that 'jam,' it does dissociated from the rest of everything (other than, of course, Aquaman) as much as it can.

But on the other hand - the movie feels like a watered down (ha ha, see what I did there?) Thor: Ragnarok in way too many instances (and maybe even a bit of Thor: Love and Thunder), combined with A Bug's Life or Land of the Lost or Jurassic Park or something like that. And perhaps most concerning, the best parts were probably in the trailer (and this was not an exciting trailer) and I frequently found myself bored (and, no, this is not superhero fatigue, because I do still enjoy most of these movies/shows). I don't know, I know the DCEU is dead and I did just praise them staying away from the rest of the DCEU in this movie - but on the other hand, maybe it is what this movie needed. Some cameos to liven things up. Because bringing back Patrick Wilson, even with the addition of Randall Park, just wasn't enough.

I didn't mind the story too much, though I'm not sure Mantis got much scope as a true villain. By the end, you know that this king dude is going to be reborn, at least for a minute - but the movie had gone on so long that you kinda wish that Aquaman and his brother would've ended the fight before he could be resurrected. I mean, sure, he's immediately killed off to end things, but even those extra couple of minutes probably weren't necessary.

While I know this isn't a MCU film, there was a complete dearth of laughs, but also a distinct lack of the "dark" that the DCEU has been apparently trying to embrace, albeit without much success.

The movie does have a message of 'family' which is pretty nice, and does argue about the concerns of global warming (as if 'death of humanity/destruction of the world' wasn't enough, no we also have to worry about the resurrection of monsters who have been trapped in ice under the seas for eons!), which is great to see - it's just unfortunate that it sorta gets lost amidst a pretty blah film.

WB and DC fucked up the DCEU so bad - all the hate possible to them. Especially that asshat that fucked over the Batgirl movie. May he have an even worse holiday season than he's ever had before, and may it continue on for more than just the holidays. Until he releases the movie we want, in fact - I think that would be fair. Fuck him.

Wonder what they're gonna do with Aquaman now...

#movies #movieblr #gmmm does movies

0 notes

crowithy · 1 year ago

Text

Okay so here's as much as I've gotten from last night to now minus some info because I want to work on it a bit more BUT.

His name is Micheal Mush (a bit stupid but I like it. >:[ ) and his epithet is Decayed. I liked the idea of epithets causing physical effects to the user so he's like borderline zombie appearance wise.

Before I go on I think I should put this under a read more, I won't go in too much detail but it might be a little uncomfortable for some people.

Descriptions of decaying skin/face picking (as well as a drawing but like it's not graphic or anything so I doubt it matters but rather be safe than sorry)

Okay here's a little quick doodle I did earlier today to kinda sketch out how much he's affected/how it looks. HE'S NOT MISSING AN ARM I NEEDED SPACE TO WRITE

I'm not the best at anatomy but this is pretty much him, the ribs do not poke out that much I just forgot to erase the guidelines I made. But he's not really at a level of proficiency that would reasonably have him looking like this but it's mostly because he picks at skin and subconscious activation of his epithet on those areas, causing him to pick at it more hence why it's this bad. It's the worst on his cheek and part of his ribs, there's small holes in the skin showing bone there.

He's eventually stopped picking but it's still slowly getting worse, but that's out of his control.

Some more doodles of him (design may change this is just me doodling in class)

(the ew emo was added by my friend)

I'm keeping his story to myself right now because it was made last night and I want to make it a bit more cohesive so have some little random facts because either have no more coherent info

He says he doesn't listen to MCR,but 85% of his playlist is MCR

Part of his ability involves mushrooms (because they decompose stuffy)

He prefers soft foods that he doesn't need to chew as much. He's worried his jaw might decay and fall off if he chews too hard.

He currently lives with Pom (another OC of mine)

He wanted to do welding but because he's easily fatigued, it's really difficult. I don't know what I want to give him for a job but something involving computers

He loves cooking but refuses to cook for other people because he worries he might make people sick by just being around food.

This was literally my entire inspiration for him

He's not aroace but he has no interest in being in a relationship

Probably a furry

Has a younger brother named Cici

He naps a majority of the day

One of the first OCS I didn't project onto in some way (well minus the face picking but that was kinda needed because I wanted a zombie look)

Guys I caved and made another epithet erased oc

#crowithy ocs #(oc) Micheal Mush #crowithy doodles

6 notes · View notes

prijune · 3 years ago

Text

Mood of the week:

#prijune art #genshin impact #xingqiu #I don't feel good what so ever ever since yesterday 5am night had the WORST chest pain and I'm just hella exhausted and think I'm sick #I've been resting and making sure I eat but I'm so exhausted worse than usual cause of the whole thyroid thing so I dunno #We're gonna go see the doc soon because we had a few questions anyway but like ugh #I'm just so fatigued I'm pretty worried it may get worse #I know posting at like 11pm instead of sleeping is kinda meh but I was resting just a moment ago and I'll go back to sleep in a few #drawing this helped a bit but also RIP Xingqiu he didn't deserve it but here we are

10 notes · View notes

thestarfishinjootsoffice · 2 years ago

Note

Hello! I was wonder if you could do Slasher headcannons with a S/O who struggles with Anxiety? If not that's alright!

Now I don't have an anxiety disorder so im doing research and I'm not sure it's you're talking about an anxiety disorder or just dealing with getting anxious but I'll make it the first one.

I tried to make this more serious but I failed

Slashers with reader who struggles with anxiety!

Michael

He may notice you seem extremely stressed about things, whether small or big and he doesn't understand it I mean if you're away from him then yeah he gets pretty nervous but about somethings like dates and schedules to the point it messes up in your daily life? Why?

But tries to comfort you. If he sees you fatigued then he'll usher you into bed, if you can't sleep then he'll just lay down next to you until you do which I'm unsure how long it'll take but he's quite the patient man, if he's in his younger days that is.

If you start crying because of it or get a panic attack and come to him he'll sit and let you cry on him and may have a hand on your hand, head or back while at it. He wants you to get help despite his strong dislike for you being away from him he sucks it up. But at the same time he also doesn't, because look like happened when he was with Loomis, he was supposed to help him and look how he turned out.

But he'll suck it up. If he notices if your mental health is getting worse when you are "getting treated" He'll just find and kill whoever is in charge of you.

Sinclair brothers

Bo has a hard shell yes but inside his heart is bouncing all over the place of worry. He may have had his fair share of panic attacks and it's horrible. He hopes there's something he can do to help. He listens to whatever problem you may be having and comforts you with what things you may like. He also tries not to lose his temper or yell around or at you. Which may be hard since he's angry 90% of the time but anything to help your anxiety reduce at least just a bit. He has magical hands that can and will remove anything that stresses you out and magical hands that will make you forget what stresses you out... He'll cuddle the shit out of you behind closed doors with many affections and kisses. Or just warm and gentle holding. You choose he'll do it. 🫶

Vincent is probably the most understanding, his worries and anxiety attacks when he imagines someone seeing him without his mask or when he can't find it. He doesn't know what much he can do since he's very awkward and and can't speak and is just '🧍' but he can listen and hold you however you'd like. If you want to touch and play with his hair then please do so, if you want to do a little a wax sculpting you're more than allowed. You're both doing wax sculptures to take your little mind off things, but if you start worrying if it's going to look good or not then he just "✋". If it's work then he'll bring you drinks and food of your choice and signals you to take a break. If your boss keeps pushing you to the point you break down then uh... Hey why did your boss go missing suddenly?

Lester the most carefree and happy though seen what it does to his brothers and hates it that it also happens to you. Very very sad. He takes you out on walks and Or driving around. Literally just holds you if he notices you being too nervous. And just the most sweetest soft kisses and affirmations that everything will be alright and you don't have to worry about anything because he'll be helping you through it all. Just soft cuddling as your pour your feelings out to him. He doesn't want you to feel alone and he won't make you feel alone. Snacks and drinks and heavy blankets and anything else that might help you for the time being. If there's someone or something that stresses you out too much they're either gone or oh look it looks like there's a hand popping out of the pile of roadkill! Anyways let's play with jonesy.

Bonus: jonesy! She just knows when you're feeling anxious before you do. plays with you, lets you pet her, kisses you. Just lays around you. Loves going on calming road trips with Lester so you're going too if you want to that is. If you're worried about your looks or something she'll just bite or bark at whoever gives you the looks or talks bad about you. She'll never let you feel bad she's your best friend 🫰🫵

Hannibal

He noticed this when you were first appointed, it's okay nothing special so did many of his previous patience but your case is really severe and you don't seem to get better. That's alright. There isn't always immediate changes it takes time. But no matter how much he gives time Or uses his techniques you don't seem to get better. This bothers him. And eventually he finds himself attached to you, like really attached and not just your disorder but for who you are. So now he is no longer Dr lecter. He's your best friend (boyfriend?) hannibal. Isn't that illegal? No because he's no longer your therapist and you're not longer his patient. How does that make sense? Don't ask anymore further questions.

He can read you like a book and he'll bring all your necessities you need when you start feeling really tense. During the attacks he'll rub your back while he holds a glass of cold water to your mouth while telling you it's okay. It also stresses him tf out. If you start becoming distant or get irritated more than usual he prepare something nice for you like food or a very pleasant warm bath and he assures you that he'll be there to help you. He'll make a healthy schedule for you and make you start looking after yourself, though he wonders if you're gonna leave him if you start finally getting better.

There may come a time where you are in a corner and uncontrollably crying and hannibal is just across the room staring at you as he calls will and says "Will, Will they won't stop crying what do I do." He knows what to do but is too afraid to do anything.

Billy and stu

It's really chaotic.

You may be on the ground and stu is just screaming and aggressively searching on his phone on what to do while Billy is shakily holding a glass of water and just says

"I heard water helps... You want water...?"

You're practically going to be sandwiched between them when it's cuddling time. And god forbid anyone makes you anxious and cry because they're gonna be on the news report later.

At least one of them is always going to be on your side incase anything distraughts you and there's gonna be no one there to help you ease down. Stu will be there to make jokes to help you feel lighter and Billy is just uh Billy. You three will maybe watch a movie or two and go on fun or relaxing outings. No person or something will make their s/o feel anything negative.

605 notes · View notes

softxsuki · 2 years ago

Note

Could you please write headcanons or oneshots (whatever you want, I'm okay with both) with classmate boyfriends Armin and Jean (separate) who are comforting reader who can't find motivation to do anything because of mental breakdown?

Armin and Jean (Separate) Comfort Unmotivated Reader

Pairings: Armin x Gn!Reader, Jean x Gn!Reader

Warnings: Feeling overwhelmed, lack of motivation to do anything

Genre: Comfort

Post-Type: Headcanons

Word Count: 670

Summary: In which you can't find the motivation to do anything because of mental fatigue, so the boys try and comfort you

[A/N: Hey! Got this done for you today like promised. I hope everything's okay with you and you enjoy these headcanons! Thanks for all your support <3]

Armin:

Armin is very understanding about your situation and wants to do everything he can to support you in your time of need

“What do you need? Is there anything I can do to help? Just tell me and I’ll do it,” he says once he finds out why you’ve been down in the dumps lately

And he really will do anything for you, even if it’s something as time consuming as having him stay in bed with you all day to cuddle; he’ll clear up his whole schedule and not go to class just so he can be with you

He is worried though so he might get a little chatty which will annoy you a bit, but if you tell him you just want to sit with him in silence until you’re ready to talk about it more in depth, then he’ll quiet down and just let his questions pile up in his head

Reassures you that you don’t have to do anything until you’re ready and he’ll most likely help you out with your homework (or do it for you) just so that part of your grade doesn’t suffer, but there isn’t much he can do in regards to your exams or anything you have to complete in class

If your room is messy, he’d tidy up for you; after all, it’s said a change in environment can change someone’s mood pretty quickly

He’s very big on knowledge so he looks up the best methods to help motivate someone again and any other things that may help lift you up from your mental fatigue

Expect tons of cuddles and words of affirmation, he’s very worried and is trying to keep himself together, so these cuddles and being with you is also comforting for him

Jean:

Jean is a little more naggy about the whole thing, but it’s because he cares and he’s worried about you

He’s not the best at expressing his emotions in the way that he initially intends to, so he begins by scolding you for not telling him earlier

“Why didn’t you come to me when you first started feeling this way? We could have dealt with it together before it got to this point,” he sighs

He’s definitely not mad at you, it’s just his way of venting, but he quickly calms down ones he sees that his words don’t help you at all, and if anything they make you feel a little worse

So he changes up and tries to get you back on your feet

His main priority now is getting you motivated again, he wants to see the excitement in your eyes again and see you smile once more

He fits you into his schedule, and takes a more direct approach

No skipping classes–he’s dragging you to all your classes

At home, he sits and does homework with you so he can make sure that you’re getting it done

Seems a bit strict? Well he is, because he wants you to feel okay again instead of dragging yourself around with no desire to do anything

However, in between all the strictness, on your days off, he takes you to your favorite spots in hopes that it helps motivate you again

Jean’s logic: If I take them somewhere where they made good memories, maybe those good memories will resurface and make them feel better

Look, he knows you’re feeling overwhelmed and that there’s a lot going on in your head, so deep down, he does get a little soft with you and takes relaxing walks with you while holding your hand and enjoying the peaceful scenery

He also likes taking you to cozy cafes nearby to take a breather

He cares about you deeply, so even though he may be a little tough with the way he goes about helping you, it all comes from a place of love

Rewards you with kisses and your favorite food whenever you complete a task

Celebrates all the little things you do until your motivation is fully restored

REQUESTS ARE OPEN :D

Posted: 9/22/2022

193 notes · View notes

helloalycia · 4 years ago

Text

my patient’s neighbour [three] // wanda maximoff

summary: your relationship with Wanda gets a little bumpy when her work life crosses over with your personal life.

warning/s: implied kidnapping, mentions of anxiety

author's note: so the ‘i love you’ confession was actually inspired by an incorrect quote on @aquamarinescarlet’s page! i thought it would be cute aha

It was two months into our relationship when I knew I'd fallen in love with Wanda. I can't remember the exact moment when it hit me – I guess it had happened gradually over time – but I remember the embarrassing moment when I told her.

She'd brought me as her date to an Avengers party thrown by Tony Stark. I'd been to one of them before, about a month into dating her, as she'd wanted me to meet her friends from work AKA the freakin' Avengers. They were actually really great and (somewhat) humble people. I didn't expect to become 'friends' with any of them, more just be friendly whenever I saw them through Wanda. To my surprise, I became quite good friends with Natasha Romanoff.

We had the same dark sense of humour, both had an unexplainable obsession with horror films and she was genuinely just really easy to talk to. I wasn't expecting it, but it was nice to gain a new friend in addition to a new girlfriend.

So, I was at my second Avengers party with Wanda by my side, but the party had ended about half an hour ago and I may or may not have been drunk.

We were sat on the couch, conversing with the other Avengers, and I was sat between Wanda and Natasha. The others were involved in their own conversations and I was too dazed to realise what I was doing until it happened.

"Wanda has no idea I'm in love with her," I said (not-so) quietly, leaning over to my left, into Wanda's ear unknowingly.

Wanda, who was playing with my fingers in her hand, paused and glanced to me with bright eyes, a surprised expression on her face.

"You're in love with me?" she asked, lips twitching into a smile.

I blinked, her words settling in, before I licked my lips. "Oh, sorry." Turning to my right, I moved to Natasha's ear, whispering loudly, "Wanda has no idea I'm in love with her."

Natasha glanced to me with a quirked brow, amused smile on her lips. "She doesn't? You sure about that?"

"You're in love with me?" Wanda repeated, sitting forward and earning my attention.

I gasped, wondering how she knew, before slapping Natasha's arm and looking to her with a frown. "You told her?! I trusted you!"

Natasha ignored me, instead looking to Wanda with an encouraging look. "I'll leave this one to you. Good luck."

She stood up, heading over to Thor and Bruce Banner on the other couch, and I booed her as she left.

"Yeah, run away, you secret-give-away'er!" I called after her with a pout, before crossing my arms.

"I think it's time I take you home," Wanda said decidedly, trying not to laugh as she pulled me up off the couch.

"I don't like Natasha anymore," I mumbled, allowing Wanda to take me away.

She bid her goodbyes to her teammates before leading me to the lift. I don't really remember what else happened until we were suddenly at my house – well, my parents house, but they had given it to me as they travelled the world with their retirement money. She was leading me inside and to my bedroom, getting me dressed like the sweet girlfriend she was, before tucking me into bed.

Of course, being the clingy drunk I was, I pulled her on top of me and didn't let go as I wrapped my arms around her.

"Stay," I mumbled into her shoulder, closing my eyes.

She chuckled, trying to pull away. "Y/N, you need to sleep, c'mon."

"I will," I whined, not letting her leave. "If you stay with me."

She paused, before giving in with a sigh. "Fine."

Tiredly, I smiled. "Yesssss." I patted the spot next to me. "Right here, please."

In the light of my bedside lamp, I saw her roll her eyes playfully, before turning off the lamp and jumping under the covers with me. I sighed with relief, cuddling into her side without hesitating.

"I love you," I mumbled, barely thinking about it.

She tightened her embrace and I felt her kiss the top of my head. "You're probably gonna forget you said that in the morning. But I'll remind you. And if you still think it, then I'll reply."

Her words went into one ear and out the other. I hummed in response, not knowing what I was answering to, and let myself get lost in her scent as I drifted into a peaceful slumber.

When I woke up the next morning, I quite liked the idea of sharing bed with Wanda and waking up to her dishevelled hair and our intertwined legs, even though I didn't remember inviting her to stay. Of course, I also had a banging headache and felt like someone had hit me with a train, so I didn't get chance to appreciate it much.

"Fuck," I mumbled, pulling the duvet over my head to block out the sun streaming through the slit in my curtain.

Wanda, who was shuffling beside me, yawned and stretched her arms. Suddenly, I heard quiet laughter, before she spooned me, wrapping her arms around my stomach and pulling me closer. Her leg raised and clung to my waist, and as much as I appreciated the way she fit perfectly against me, I was still in pain.

"Why did you let me drink that much?" I groaned, squeezing my eyes shut.

"I believe that was your own conscience decision, dorogoy (darling)," she said in that know-it-all voice of hers, and it was hard for me to be annoyed at her because she had a raspy, morning voice and her accent was especially thick with fatigue and damn, Wanda Maximoff was pretty sexy in the morning.

"Whatever," was all I said, but I placed my hand on hers and joint our fingers together.

"You know," she started, tucking her head comfortably into my neck, "I quite like waking up to you like this. You're very cute, even if you're cranky."

Despite aforementioned crankiness, I cracked a smile. "I like this, too."

It was very domestic, something I didn't get the privilege of experiencing with Wanda because she worked a lot, and it felt good.

After hanging around in bed for a little while longer, I got up and showered whilst Wanda offered to make me some breakfast – "Pancakes are a hangover's cure! Or at least according to Tony". After getting ready, I came downstairs to find a stack of pancakes and maple syrup waiting for me.

"You are a Godsend," I told her, pressing a haste kiss to her lips before sitting at the table with the pancakes. "Thank you."

She chuckled, grabbing her own pancakes and sitting opposite me. "Anything for you."

After I dug in, complimenting her on how delicious they tasted, a comfortable silence fell between us. Well, until Wanda spoke up cautiously.

"So, does anything from last night ring a bell?" she asked, making me look up to see her staring eagerly.

My content expression fell. "Shoot, did I do something embarrassing?" I facepalmed. "God, what was it? Did I fall asleep on somebody?"

She smiled with adoration, eyes twinkling in the morning sun. "No, nothing like that."

I could tell there was something though, judging from her hesitant expression. I scrunched my face with regret.

"What did I do?" I asked, unprepared to hear it. "Did I say something to you?"

She played with her fork, twisting it around in her plate nervously, which was very unlike her. "Yeah, actually, you did."

I waited, feeling like the silence was deafening the longer she stayed quiet.

"You said you were in love with me," she said, voice so soft and quiet that I barely heard it.

I felt my heart drop to my stomach. "I what?"

"I mean, technically you said I had no idea you were in love with me, but I think you were supposed to tell Nat that," she continued, eyes avoiding mine. "Then you told Nat and you got mad at her because you thought she told me."

I facepalmed for the second time that morning. "Oh, God..."

"Then you invited me to stay the night and told me you loved me before you fell asleep," she finished rambling. "I just, er, wanted to check if you meant that..."

I raised my eyebrows with disbelief. "Are you kidding?" I reached over the table to grab her hand. "Wanda, of course I meant that! But I hoped to tell you at a better time than by accident whilst I was drunk."

Blue eyes flickered to mine, excitement creeping onto her face. "You meant it."

I breathed out, realising what exactly I'd just said. "I– yeah. I meant it. I'm in love with you, Wanda."

Her smile widened. "I'm in love with you, too."

My heart fluttered in my chest as I relaxed my shoulders. "You love me."

She giggled, squeezing my hand. "We just did this."

"Right! We did," I said, shaking my head, grin forming on my lips. "Sorry. I'm just so happy right now."

"Me, too," she said in agreement, thumb stroking the top of my hand.

I didn't think things could go wrong from here. I was on top of the world! But of course, the world had a funny way of ruining things.

—

Dating a superhero had its pros and cons, I suppose, but neither really showed themselves to me often as it was as if Wanda's superhero life was separate to the one we shared. When she and I were together, it was just us. And she would leave for work and I wouldn't think about it. Then she would return and it would be us again.

If I took a moment out of my day to stop and really think about where she was, what she could be doing, the danger she could be in... I just couldn't do it. Even when she would show up to our next date with a fresh bruise from training, or a broken bone from a mission gone too far, I'd worry about it for the time being then try to let it go. Those weren't superhero perks, those were reasons to be concerned. And I couldn't handle imagining the time when she'd come back to me in a worse state, or to not even come back at all.

So, her superhero life rarely overlapped with our shared one. And I was happier that way. Until it did.

I was running errands one day, little things that required me to run around the city – dry cleaning, grocery shopping, picking up some DIY stuff for my house. It was a pretty relaxing, fun day. I'd treated myself to lunch, was soaking in the sunshine and planning to unwind with some Netflix on the couch.

"Hold on, I need to unlock the front door," I mumbled into the phone. I was talking to Wanda, catching her up with my day as I returned home.

"Try not to drop your phone this time," she teased from the other end, and I could just imagine the smirk on her face.

"So funny," I said with an eye roll. "Real comedian."

She laughed as I placed my phone in my pocket, not quite hanging up. Pulling my keys from my shopping bag, I fiddled with them, attempting to find the key for my front door.

Suddenly, something metal and cold pressed to my back and I jumped, dropping my keys with surprise.

"Don't draw attention," the person said, and I went rigid, looking up to see a reflection of someone unrecognisable in the glass of my front door. "You're going to leave your things here and come with me."

"Who are you?" I asked, trying to turn around, but the object pressed harder into my back, making me wince.

"Leave your fucking things here and give me your hand," the man ordered, ignoring my question. "Phone included. And don't even think about making a call."

I swallowed hard, panic settling in as I listened to the threatening stranger. Pulling my phone from my pocket, I realised that the stranger had no idea I was already on a call. With an Avenger nonetheless.

"I'll put it down," I narrated my actions, soon coming to realise that the object behind my back was in fact the barrel of a gun.

Hoping Wanda was still listening in and could hear the exchange, I put my phone on the ground and placed my shaking hand in the man's outstretched one. He tucked his gun back into the waistband of his jeans before tugging me down the steps and to a black van parked opposite my house.

Too paralysed with fear at the sight of two more strange men getting out the van, I felt my throat go dry and words get stuck at the bottom. Looking around, I hoped to find a neighbour's eyes or dog-walker's lost gaze, but nobody was here. Whoever these men were had timed their entrance perfectly.

When we reached the van, the back doors were opened and the man spun me around roughly before placing a bag on my head and shoving me inside. Hot tears ran down my face as I squeezed my eyes shut, wondering what the hell was happening and who these people were. But mostly, I hoped Wanda was already on her way.

—

The whole incident was over soon. That's what we were calling it now. The 'incident'. Of course, it could have been called other things... the kidnapping, the abduction, the capture. But we settled with the 'incident'. It was less explicit, as if minimising how utterly terrifying the whole experience was.

I never did find out who those men were. Wanda offered to tell me, feeling a need to explain herself and blame herself and drag herself down in the dirt to make me feel better, to bring me out of my silence and give me something to feel good about. I recalled her mentioning they were after her, getting to her through me – her girlfriend.

She rescued me quite quickly. Being tied up and locked away and left to cry like a child, wondering if I was going to die any minute at the hands of captors whom I had never met nor done anything to in my life, wasn't fun. People always wonder what they would do in those situations; maybe they would square up and put up a fight; maybe they would scream and shout and get everyone's attention; maybe they'd even retort with sarky remarks and go out with a blaze of glory.

I never imagined what that would be like, but I discovered I could do neither of those things. I just let them take me, let them threaten me and point their guns at me and tie me up and lock me away and–

I let myself cry and feel terrified and shake and lose my words and imagine the worst. Some would call that giving in, but this wasn't something you could prepare for. Surely my response was justified? I wasn't sure. I just knew that when Wanda burst onto the scene, taking out the men with ease and taking me out of there, taking me home, I was momentarily safe.

But then as she began to ramble off her explanations and apologies and regrets, I found myself turning in on myself, unable to hear her out. I didn't blame her one bit, but I also couldn't listen to one more second. So, I tuned her out.

I sat on the couch, staring at the way the thread was coming loose on one of my cushions. I thought about how quickly the whole 'incident' had happened. How one minute I was sat in a cell and now I was sat on my couch. How I was then shaking with fear and now I felt nothing.

"...you listening? Hey, are you okay?"

I only tuned back in when she sat on the cushion I was looking at. Her fingers rested on my cheek, guiding my head upwards so I was looking her in the eyes, glassy and red and swollen from crying. I probably looked the same, though I was all out of tears.

"I promise you nobody will be back here," she said with certainty, thumb stroking my cheek. "There's S.H.I.E.L.D. agents posted all along the street. And I'm happy to stay here if you need me to. You're safe now."

I knew I was. And despite my calm exterior, my heart was still racing in my chest, adrenaline still pumping through my body as if expecting to make a sudden break for it.

"What are you thinking?" she muttered, eyes flicking between mine curiously. "Talk to me. Please."

I shook my head, looking away. "I'm okay."

"It's okay not to be," she said quietly, squeezing my hand.

"I know."

So, we kept that bit up for a few more days, maybe a week. Me pretending I was okay, though still distant from Wanda as if she'd caught the plague, and her pretending she knew I was telling the truth.

But I knew she sensed the nightmares I had, waking me up in cold sweats. I knew she saw the way I tensed when a shadow cast along the wall from a moving object. Or the way I never faced the front door when unlocking it to get inside.

I guess she couldn't take it anymore at some point, possibly a week or two later, as when I was mixing my soup in a bowl after heating it up in the microwave, she sighed loudly.

"You okay?" I asked, glancing up at her. She was stood by the counter, seeming tired.

She'd been staying with me since the incident happened, obviously, and it was nice having her around so much, despite the circumstances. But I knew she was worried and had been keeping it in. I just didn't have the energy to acknowledge it.

"I'm fine," she said quickly, though her fingers still drummed on the countertop.

I let it go, shrugging, before paying attention to my soup. Her impatience was obnoxiously loud, filling the house with a discomfort she was dying to express. Eventually, she did.

"I'm not fine," she decided, and I stopped stirring my soup as I looked to her tugging on her sleeves distractedly. "I'm not fine because you're not fine."

"I've told you I am," I said monotonously, eyes boring into hers.

"I know you're not," she said, crossing her arms and hugging herself. "I've noticed you and..."

I quirked a brow. "And?"

She frowned, eyes softening with empathy. "Don't make me say it, Y/N."

I pressed my tongue to the back of my teeth as I looked down to my steaming soup.

"Talk to me," she pleaded, rounding the counter and leaning beside me, searching for my eyes. "I just want to help."

I swallowed hard. "I have nothing to say, Wanda."

"A really scary thing happened," she began hesitantly. "The fact that you don't have anything to say– that you've not said anything, isn't right."

"Well, I guess there's something wrong with me," I said dismissively, before grabbing the pepper grinder before me and using it.

"No, there's not," she reassured, not giving up. "You just need to talk.”

I set the grinder down, turning to face her abruptly. She straightened up with surprise, taking a small step back.

"What do you want me to say?" I asked, voice calm but full of unintentional malice. "Huh? What do you want me to tell you? That I'm terrified somebody is watching my house, waiting for a quiet moment to break in? That I have to follow you into every room you go in because I don't want to be left alone? That I can't fucking sleep because I'm scared that when I close my eyes, I'll be locked in a nightmare I can't escape? Is that what you want me to tell you? Does that make you feel better, Wanda? Because it doesn't make me feel any better. It just reminds me how fucking terrified I am."

I pocketed my shaking hands, blinked away the tears that threatened to fall, swallowed down the lump rising in my throat. She watched me, unsure what to say at first and I didn't blame her. It was an outburst waiting to happen.

"I'm–"

"Don't say you're sorry," I snapped, before flinching at my tone. "I know you're sorry. And I don't blame you for what happened. I just– I don't know what to do anymore."

Her eyes were studying me like green lasers burning holes into my skin and I hated that I couldn't meet them. I hated even more that I couldn't leave the kitchen out of anger or frustration because I was too scared to be left alone without her by my side.

So, I leaned against the counter, turning away from her, and let out a shaky breath, eyes burning and heart thumping in my ears. Her arms suddenly wrapped around me without question, and I let her take me into her chest, squeezing me so tight so I knew she was there.

Closing my eyes, I felt tears rolling down my cheeks, but no sound came out. I struggled to breathe, unable to take in air through my nose as I stuffed my head so hard into her shirt that I couldn't see a thing except darkness. I knew I'd eventually be okay, that I'd eventually get back to some sense of normalcy. But for now, having her here with me was okay. And I found it much better to just be with her then have to go over and talk it out.

She was warm and strong and smelt like home and God, I loved her. I was lucky to have her.

—

It took about a month and a half to get over the incident. And after that, we never brought it up again. It was just easier that way. We continued on like usual, falling back into our old routine of having a separate us and her separate superhero life.

At some point, I thought it would be nice for her to meet my parents. They were back in town for the week, wanting to check in and see how I was. It was nice having them around and I was excited for them to meet Wanda, who I'd mentioned in some of our Skype calls.

"We don't have to make it a thing," I said as I proposed the idea. We were cleaning around Anna's apartment as she napped in her bedroom. "It's not like an 'oh, meet the parents' thing. They just happen to be in town and we're having a dinner, so I thought you might want to come. If you don't, it's not a big deal. I haven't told them to expect you. Not unless you say yes. Which you don't have to."

She chuckled, eyes gleaming with amusement. "Dorogoy (darling), calm down. Breathe."

I neatened the cushions on the couch with a bit too much force. "Am I not breathing? I'm pretty sure I'm breathing."

Her hands slipped into mine as she spun me around to face her. An amused smile on her lips, she said, "You need to relax. If you're like this now, then who knows what you'll be like on the night of the dinner?"

It took me a second to realise what she'd said and when I did, my eyes widened. "Wait, the night of the– does that mean you're going?"

She laughed, tugging me closer to her. "Yes, I'm going. I'd love to meet your parents!"

My shoulders relaxed as her fingers played with mine mindlessly. A smile appeared on my lips as I said, "Thank you. I– it'll be fun. No pressure. Just a dinner."

"Just a dinner," she confirmed, before kissing my forehead gently. "Can't wait."

And so on the day before my parents left for Scotland, yet another trip on their never ending retirement travels, I waited for Wanda to pick me up so we could go to a restaurant to meet my parents, who were already there after spending the day shopping in town.

She arrived at the door with a beautiful smile and bright eyes, looking me up and down.

"Just on time," I teased, tilting my head to the side, before being serious. "You look amazing tonight, Wanda."

"As do you, moya lyubov' (my love)," she said sweetly, leaning forward to kiss my cheek, before stepping inside. "Also, these are for you."

She removed her hand from behind her back as I closed the door, revealing a gorgeous, colourful bouquet of flowers.

"I saw them and thought of you," she began to explain without even realising how cute she was; a smile crept on my lips as she continued, "but then I realised I've never gotten you flowers before which is very dumb of me because a pretty girl deserves pretty flowers, right?"

There was no doubt that my face was heating up from the attention, flustered yet honoured at her words.

"Wanda, I love them," I said, accepting the flowers and meeting her gaze. "And to be fair, nobody has ever gotten me flowers before."

"You're kidding," she said with disbelief, stepping forward and wrapping her arms loosely around my waist. Reading my serious expression, she added, "Not even for your birthday? Or a celebration?"

I shook my head. "Nope."

She gave me a knowing look. "Well, that's very unfortunate. But I'm glad I could be the first."

I held her gaze, amusement dancing in her smile. Mirroring her expression, I leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her nose, making her scrunch it up delightfully.

"Me, too," I said, and I meant it.

"Come on, we should get going," she said, squeezing my waist before letting go. "Don't want to be late, do we?"

"We do not," I agreed, before putting the flowers in a vase of water and leaving them by the door.

"You ready?" she asked, holding open the front door.

I intertwined our hands and met her smile with my own. "I'm ready."

Taking the girlfriend to meet the parents. What could go wrong?

#wanda maximoff x you #wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff imagine #wanda maximoff x reader #scarlet witch #elizabeth olsen imagine #elizabeth olsen #marvel imagine #mcu imagine #marvel #mcu

442 notes · View notes

husbandograveyard · 4 years ago

Note

Hey there! I hope I make it in time, I'm very excited you're opening your box 😩💕. May I please request Platonic HC for Ace, Marco, (and Izo if you write for them of course!) Comforting their friend/cremate who is being plagued by nightmares from their past? Like they're afraid to lose the crew/family, that they've always wanted . Thank you dear, I can't wait to see the requests for this batch 😌

Hi dear! I love this idea! Especially since Whitebeard giving this whole bunch of misfits a family and a place, ugh breaks my heart every time. (╥﹏╥) You used general terms so I went with a gender neutral reader and Izo is included! Am anime-only, have not seen that much of Izo, so I do take some own interpretations of his character. To not make them too repetitive I gave all 3 a slightly different situation! Much love, I hope you enjoy these!

Platonic Comforting HC - Ace, Marco, Izo

Ace

Ace, once he gives in to the whole family thing. Is pretty close with almost everyone on the ship. He checks in with his own division, but will know all the names and faces of people from other divisions and will regularly check in with those he crosses paths with.

Often it’s just a “Hey, Hello, how are you doing?” moment, it’s not like he doesn’t have anything to do, but when he has time he’ll settle for an actual conversation.

You’ve been very lucky to catch him often on one of those free moments and you were pretty proud to state that you were by now friends with the freckled commander.

He knew you very well, and thus he notices when things are not as they should be.

And after crossing you in the hallway for a few times, barely getting an ‘hello’ and a smile in return, he knows something is up and pulls you aside the next time he spots you.

You first deny that anything is wrong, but the deep dark circles under your eyes tell a different story. Ace is persistent and doesn’t give up until you finally confess that you have barely been sleeping.

He knows some of your past, and you tell him how it’s been coming back to haunt you in your dreams. How you are finally feeling so happy to have friends, to have a crew, to have a family. How you finally feel like you have found your place in the world.

And how every time you close your eyes at night, that all gets taken away from you, in so many different, horrific ways. Every nightmare is worse than the last one, and at this point, you are just putting off sleep.

Ace understands how you feel, he struggles with so many things but could not imagine losing his family at all… it’s the subject of his nightmares too, but he does not have them often enough to disrupt his sleeping pattern, as they now do to you.

He gives you words of comfort. How everyone, including him, in this crew, would never leave you, and would never leave you behind. In no situation.

He assures you you’re a family who will go to the ends of the earth in order to protect one of them. That’s just how Whitebeard works.

And you know all these things, but hearing them being said to you with such sincerity, Ace’s hands on your shoulders as he looks in your eyes, stares into your soul, as he tells you to never doubt that, it just does something with you, and you feel as if a load is off your shoulders, thanks to the reassurances, and just the fact that you got it off of your chest.

Ace proposes to nap together whenever he has a free moment during the day, or whenever he falls asleep doing something. That way, if you lie next to him, people will think his nap was on purpose, and that way, if the nightmares plague you again, you can wake up, see him, and get back to sleep, having some living breathing reassurance next to you, that this family is here to stay.

Marco

Marco has many sleepless nights, not necessarily because he cannot sleep, but because he is the type of man that will finish his work no matter the time, resulting in all-nighters more often than not.

Being the ship’s doctor, he definitely knows better, but the peace and quiet at night makes working just a little bit easier.

And he does take a regular break to just stretch his legs, get on deck and get some fresh air under the night sky filled with stars. Whenever the sea is calm, it works insanely relaxing and it’s his favorite time of day.

He is usually all by himself, save for the handful of crewmembers on patrol and those in the crow’s nest on night watch.

It’s very rare to see someone else on deck, and that’s why you, leaning over the railing as you stare into the waves, stick out like a sore thumb.

Marco of course, cannot just let you stand there. If you’re up at this hour, and out of your cabin, surely something must be wrong.

And it becomes even more clear that something is wrong, as he approaches you and notices your shoulders are jerking up in the typical fashion of someone who’s crying.

Your hands are clutching the rails and your gritting your teeth, angry at your own emotions, pirates don’t cry, you think and in your very overwhelmed state, you don’t even notice Marco walking up to you.

It is only when he softly puts a hand on your shoulder and asks you if you’re okay that you notice, and you jump a little at the sudden touch and sound, turning your head away, ashamed of your tears.

He stands next to you, looking over at the sea as well, not staring to make you uncomfortable.

He lets you know that you can talk if you want, but if not, he'll just stand there with you, so you’re not alone in whatever you’re going through.

It’s silent for a long time before everything spills from your lips, you were calmed down and had stopped crying, but as you’re talking you feel the tears well up again.

Marco rubs your back as you speak and cry out, and offers you to come to his cabin, where he prepares some herbal tea. It helps you calm down and will definitely help you sleep.

As you’re walking, he points out all the little things on how the crew is working together, distracting your mind from the negative and showing you how this crew is there for every single member of it.

It’s all facts, easy for you to wrap your mind around, and that combined with his generally calming demeanor makes you feel tired even before you can even start drinking the tea.

Marco will only send you back to your cabin if you promise to reach out next time you feel that way, to any crew member you want. You’re never alone here.

Izo

Izo was just checking supplies in one of the storage rooms, taking notes of all that needed to be restocked next time the Moby Dick docks at an island when he hears some soft snoring.

His initial instinct is Ace having had another bout of narcolepsy, but it’s strange: Ace does not come in these supply rooms often, mostly cause there’s ammunition stocked and they don’t really want someone who’s literally made out of fire to be close to possible explosive materials.

So when he goes looking for the source, he’s pretty surprised to find you there. You’re usually pretty focussed and all ready and doing your chores, so it is strange to find you sleeping away somewhere.

Especially in that position. Concerned for your back and your wellbeing, Izo gently shakes you awake.

Bad idea, you jolt up, panting and you nearly hit him in the face.

Izo needs to take a few minutes to calm you down, and once you realize what had happened, you feel your cheeks heat up with embarrassment.

You feel like you need to explain, but at the same time you don’t want to explain and you’re just incoherently mumbling at this point, worrying Izo even more.

He tells you to breathe. Relax. Wait a few seconds. Calm down. And then you can tell him. Counting the supplies can wait.

You get it all out, how your worst fear is losing everyone you met right now, and how every time you close your eyes, you see the whole crew dying, or leaving you behind, and how now you can barely sleep.

How you went in here to get something for Thatch and just passed out from fatigue.

Izo gives you an insanely good pep talk. Both of you sitting down on the floor in the darkness of the supply room. You have no choice but to look him in the eyes and believe him. He’s so convincing.

Every single time you throw in another doubt, Izo obliterates it. The crew is here for you. They will uplift you. They will protect you.

They will train with you to get stronger, help you whenever you feel down.

They are a family, and the moment Whitebeard welcomed you onboard you were a part of that family too.

And they’re Whitebeards crew, like hell are they gonna die over some trivial fights.

He’s almost getting a little worked up by the end of his speech and you cannot help but smile.

He’s right, and you will think about that speech before you go to bed, in hopes the nightmares stay away.

211 notes · View notes

sillyrabbit81 · 4 years ago

Text

Her Heavy Cross

Summary: Three years after tragedy hits, Lana she decides to start dating again. She meets Will through a dating app and they begin an online romance. After months of constant requests, Lana relents and agrees to meet and go on an irl date with Will. But is Will who he says he is? Lana is quickly pulled into an intense relationship forcing her to confront her tragic past. Will Lana face it or will she close her heart forever?

Pairing: OMC x OFC (Female and Male POV)

Word Count: approx 3.3k

Warnings: swearing, smut,

Authors Note: The story started as a Henry Cavill fanfiction but I changed it to be an original character, but shades of Henry are still there. Hope you enjoy the story and thanks for reading.

Part 19

Part 20 Final Chapter

Liam and I took it easy for the next couple of days. We spent some time with Perrin and Cole, taking them for walks and making sure they were getting along.

We watched Inglourious Basterds in Liam's theatre room, which was amazing. It was like being in an actual movie theatre. The dimmed lights and sound system made the experience great. Liam cooked me dinner. We even played Scrabble a few times. We were pretty evenly matched, so the games were competitive. We worked out. We fucked. We made love.

On Saturday morning, I woke with a sore neck. I prayed it was just a strained muscle from working out but the stress I was under during the week tended to catch up with me on a Saturday. By about 4 pm, the left side of my head started pounding, and my eyes became sensitive to light. Every sound in the house felt like screaming in my ears, and I wanted to throw up. I would have cried if I didn't already know how much worse it would make it my migraine.

I told Liam I had to go to bed. Even though my migraines were terrible, I was lucky I could usually treat them with some codeine and a few hours of sleep. They rarely last more than six hours. Liam was lovely about it. He insisted on helping me get changed for bed, and he even went and got me a cold washcloth for my head. He laid in bed with me until I fell asleep.

I woke up around 11 pm feeling groggy, but the migraine had gone. I got out of bed and went looking for Liam.

I found him asleep on the lounge under a blanket downstairs. It looked like he had planned to sleep there all night. Perrin was curled up on the blanket between Liam's legs, and Cole laid on the floor in front of the couch. Cole looked up when I came in, rubbing himself against my legs like a cat and nudging my hand for a pat. Perrin's ears came up, and his tail wagged but didn't move. Lazy old Dog.

I knelt in the spot Cole had been. Liam looked so much younger asleep, almost like a boy, since he had started shaving. Apparently, his character is clean-shaven a lot of the time, so he will be switching between being shaved and unshaved depending on filming. I didn't want to startle him, so I ran my fingers through his hair until he started to wake. Liam stretched a bit before opening his eyes, and he looked so cute doing so I almost pinched his cheeks. Perrin finally got up, realising his warm spot was compromised.

"Hey, Sweetheart," he said and looking at his watch. "Are you ok? do you need anything?"

I smiled at him and shook my head. "Just you," I said.

Liam smiled one of his full Hollywood smiles. He takes my breath away when he does that. "How's your head?"

"I haven't had any complaints," I said, winking. I think I've watched Drag Race too many times.

Liam chuckled and shook his head at me. "And you certainly won't get any from me." He said, getting up. Kissing my forehead, he said, "I'm glad you're feeling better."

I took his hand and pulled him towards the elevator. Like the gentleman he is, he pretended I was able to pull him.

We get in bed, Liam on his back and me with my head on his chest. He stroked my hair, trying to lull me to sleep. I always find it difficult to sleep at night if I have a nap in the afternoon. I was content to breathe my calming breaths and not worry about forcing the sleep I knew would eventually come.

Since sleep was alluding me, I asked Liam, "are you nervous about tomorrow?"

"Meeting your family?" I nodded. He shrugged, "a little. It's been a while since I've been introduced to the family. A couple of years, actually. But I'm mostly looking forward to it." He gave me a quick kiss. "What about you?"

"After Thursday, I don't know if I'll be nervous about anything again." Liam chuckled. "I'm a little concerned about my mum. But I'm excited about you meeting the kids. I wonder if they will recognise you."

"Sometimes, kids do. Other times they say that's not him. He doesn't have a cape." I chuckled. Liam didn't speak for a while, so I tried letting Liam's breaths rock me to sleep. Then he spoke again, "Do you want kids?"

"You know, I do," I replied. We had spoken about it when we first started talking. Not wanting kids had been a deal-breaker for both of us. It was one of the first questions he had asked once we had gotten past the superficial talk. I looked at him, puzzled. "Why?"

"When you first told me about your contraception, I thought with my dick, so naturally, I was excited about not having to wear a condom." Liam's lip twitched, "Having said that, I wouldn't mind seeing you put a condom on me again." I rolled my eyes and indicated he should keep talking. "But then I thought you got that thing put in when you were still with Andy. If it's none of my business, that's fine. I had just been thinking about it, is all."

"You're wondering why I would use such a long-lasting contraception when I was married and wanted kids."

He nodded. "That sums it up."

"Well, several reasons. I had to replace the one I had. It had expired. Second, I have Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, and one symptom is very irregular periods. I was always scared I was pregnant. I could go months without a period, and when I did, they were hell. I would get migraines for weeks, mood swings from being happy to almost suicidal throughout my cycle. When the period came, there was bad cramping and back pain, joint pain, fatigue. So, I had my first implant when I was 20."

"That sound's awful, Sweetheart."

"Yup. I got the last one put in instead of trying for kids because I was 26. Yes, Andy and I wanted kids, but we wanted to wait a few more years, pay more off the house, grow up a bit." Liam nodded.

I was surprised that talking to him about Andy in such intimate detail didn't make me start crying. I still felt sad and missed him, but it was different now. There was a fondness to the thoughts rather than the fear and guilt that would usually arise. Anthea had been right. I had to talk with Andy and be honest with him about how I felt. As if verbalising how I felt to Andy, wherever he was in the universe, eased the guilt I was feeling. It made me realise that it wasn't wrong or selfish to seek love again. It was what made life special, sharing your life with someone else.

Liam was looking with furrowed brows. "Are you ok?" He asked.

I wondered if I should tell him what I was thinking. Would he be interested? Would it be weird for him to hear about Andy? In some ways, Andy had always been the elephant in the room. He was mentioned in passing, but other than last Friday, I hadn't told him anything meaningful about him or how I felt. He had been right when we argued, Andy was a shadow that loomed over the relationship, and that was my fault. I decided to be honest.

"Yeah, I am." I gave him a half-smile and said, "I spoke to Anthea, my mother-in-law, on Tuesday." Liam's face was unreadable. Too late to stop now. I kept going. "I wanted her to hear from me that we were dating before it was official. It turns out she already knew. She was cool about it, happy for me. I was surprised by her response, and I thought she would think it was a betrayal. But she said I should talk to Andy, and I would feel better."

Liam still wasn't showing me what he was thinking. His face was stoic. I thought again, I should stop. "Keep going," he said, his voice not much louder than a whisper.

"So I visited Andy and told him about how I was feeling. I told him about you and how I felt about you. It seemed to work like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. I felt free."

Liam was quiet for a while. I could almost see him arranging his thoughts. After a while, he said, "it seems the only one who makes you feel guilty is you."

"I think that was true, but not anymore," I said. "Are you upset I told you that? Is it... I don't know... tmi?"

Liam gave me a half-smile, "no, Lana. I'm glad you told me. I'm glad you did that. Not just for me, but for you."

"Then why were you looking at me like that?"

Liam's smile was full now. "Because I thought you were going to break my heart. Instead, you told me something private and because you wanted to. Not because I forced you or put you in a position where you had no choice. It makes me believe you may care about me as much as I care about you."

I cupped his face in my hands and looked deeply into his eyes, so he knows what I'm saying is true. "Liam, I do care about you. I don't think anyone else could have opened my heart. I was ready to go the rest of my life alone. If it weren't for you, I would never have taken those final steps to move on. For being the catalyst I needed, I will always be thankful for you and care about you."

Liam POV

Lana held my face in her hands. Her green eyes shined in the dim light of my bedroom as she spoke to me. "Liam, I do care about you. I don't think anyone else could have opened my heart. I was ready to go the rest of my life alone. If it weren't for you, I would never have taken those final steps to move on. For being the catalyst I needed, I will always be thankful for you and care about you."

My heart stopped a moment before it started to thunder in my chest. Lana so rarely bared her soul to me. She dropped hints sometimes, said little things to make me believe she could love me. But too often she was closed off when things get too intimate or too real.

She had changed so much since I first spoke to her, yet somehow she was still the same. She was kind and generous. I picked up on that early. That she was so funny and witty was something that she was slow to reveal but was a joy to watch. Watching her start to open her soul to me was beautiful. To see her courage and strength as she pushed through her grief was inspiring. That she saw enough in me to want to go through all she went through was humbling.

I loved her. I was desperate to tell her. I almost told her so many times. But my fear kept me from saying it. I didn't want to scare her off. I knew now she has to set the pace. She will be ready when she's ready and I will be there when she is.

Lana kissed me, and my body lit up. Her lips were like a match igniting a fire that travelled through my whole body. I instantly grew hard and needed her. I kissed her back, my tongue licking at her lips, urging her to open for me. When she did, I was lost, and all control left me. I needed to be in her.

My tongue entered her mouth, and her taste reminded me of apples and honey. She tasted so sweet to me. I wanted to taste her everywhere. I rolled her onto her back, reminding myself not to throw her around too roughly. She could take a lot of punishment, but I was still careful.

I sought Lana with my hands, pulling off the underwear that separated me from her. I put my hand between her legs, and my fingers parted her. I groaned when I felt how wet she was already, and I had to taste her. I moved between her legs as she opened them wide for me.

I put two fingers inside her, and my cock ached. "You're so warm, Lana," I told her, and she moaned, arching her back, her hips moving as I fucked her with my fingers. She was so responsive to my touch, and I loved watching her every movement. Her body moved in the most spectacular ways, writhing and seeking her pleasure.

I couldn't wait any longer for a taste, so leaving my fingers inside her, I let my tongue find her clit. When her taste hit my tongue, I hummed with delight. Lana's fingers slid into my hair as she pushed me into her and her hips rocked as she grinds herself on my tongue. God, she was so sexy. I wanted to stay here forever, watching her and listening to her moan. I ran my hand up her hips to her tiny waist. Feeling her hips under her soft skin was so erotic. I needed to fuck her, but she needed this first.

Lana started panting, her moans became short cries as she exhaled and I knew she didn't have long. I felt her walls close in on my fingers as she started to cry out my name, begging me not to stop. As if I would deny her this. As if I would deny her anything.

When Lana came, she was beautiful. Her eyes closed hard, her body convulsed, and her thighs trembled. Then she did this thing where she throws her head forward, and her body almost curls into a ball, and I know she's finished. Even when she's standing up she does it, I almost dropped her the first time. It's the cutest fucking thing I've ever seen.

I lapped at her one more time, taking one last taste. She shuddered and tried to close her legs, giggling. She smiled at me, and my heart melted, but my cock was in pain. I needed to have her.

I kissed her, and she licked at me, tasting herself. She drives me wild when she does that. I felt like an animal, my careful control was gone, and I pushed my cock into her. She was so wet and tight, her body moulded around my cock, taking me all in, holding me so tight I almost came.

"Fuck," I swore into her mouth. Lana bit at my lip, playful, but I knew what that meant. She wanted me, and she didn't want me to be gentle.

I wasn't gentle. There was no way I could be. She had me too worked up, and all I wanted was to own her and claim her as mine forever. I started to thrust into her, her tits bouncing as she takes all I give her. Her lips were parted, and her cheeks were red. Her hair looked like a halo of fire on the sheets. Its vibrance thrilled me. I pushed my self off her and watched as my cock pumped into her. Seeing her stretched around me, I felt my orgasm rise again. Not yet. I wasn't done with her yet. I slowed down.

"Liam," She whispered my name, and there was no stopping it. My body took on a mind of its own, driving itself to release. She cried my name again as I felt my seed rise into me, and ecstasy flowed through me as it pumped into her.

I fell on my side next to Lana and took deep breaths. She gave a hum of contentment and I pulled her into me, hugging her tightly and I felt the surge of love again. She was so beautiful and sweet but so fucking sexy. She made me feel drunk. Even moments after orgasming, I wanted her again. I put my face into her hair, smelling her sweet pomegranate shampoo. Lana hugged me back as she played with my chest hair, and I smiled, she loved to touch me there, and it felt so good when she did.

My mind wandered as she caressed me with her pretty little hands and pink fingernails. The first time she had touched my chest, she had seemed so hesitant and unsure, even looking at me for permission. It had been such a turn-on.

It had been so hard not to fuck her that first night. I did try and seduce her. I knew what effect I had on women. It's hard not to know when you're famous and have women hitting on you all the time. I think I could have, there were a few times there where if I had played my cards right she would have let me. But knowing what I know now, I'm happy I didn't. I'm sure she would have run, and I would never have seen her again.

When she did let me, she had knocked me for six when she bit me. It was almost out of nowhere, and the way she opened up to me after about her desires was amazing. We still had so much to explore, only just getting to know each other sexually. I could tell she was getting more comfortable with it. She was probably going to teach me a thing or two. That thing she did with the condom, I think I almost told her I loved her then. I chuckled.

"What are you laughing at?" Lana asked. Her accent made it sound like she said, "whadcha laughn at?" I don't know why, but her accent excited me, especially when she swore at me. Her mouth was filthy. Maybe it was the combination of her outward elegance and her potty mouth that I liked. It was such an exciting combination.

"Nothing, Sweetheart." I kissed her long neck gently and held her. She seemed to accept it and squeezed me into her.

"I love you, Lana," I said, and my heart stopped. She froze. I don't even think she was breathing. My blood was like ice as my heart started to beat again. Oh, God, I fucked up. I'm going to lose her this time. I wanted to take it back. I was such a fool. Fuck.

Then Lana found my mouth and kissed me. The warmth that spread through my body was such a relief. Her kiss held such sweetness and passion. It was the promise that I needed. She wasn't mad. She wasn't going to run away. I held her close and kissed her back. She didn't have to say it for me to know that she loved me too.

End.

#original character #original story #original fiction #romantic story #happy ever after

21 notes · View notes

rant-2-me · 3 years ago

Note

My mental state has just worsened over the days, though I'm not sure why, and I just feel so unmotivated and lacking any energy to practice any self care other than napping, and also feel anxious because I'm not studying enough.. feel like I'm just 1/4th assing my responsibilities.. And when someone asks me how I'm doing, sometimes I blurt out that I'm not fine, and the guilt I feel afterwards for making them worry, so I find myself withdrawing from initiating conversation with them, even though I really want to, and this makes them worry about me more.. I just don't know anything anymore, everything feels too much, yet I can't rant in a clear conscience without feeling guilty for bothering them, and thinking how I don't deserve to complain because they have had so much worse (yes I know pain is relative, but I feel so horrible, like a whiny child, who doesn't know how to be content with her blessings)......

Sorry I know it's a lot.. feel free to delete it if it's triggering or making you uncomfortable in any way... I just needed to get it out..

My lovely nonnie, im so, so glad you sent this ask. and got it all out of your system. yeah this sounds cheesy but like ive been there, with not knowing how to reach out—im proud you had the courage to send this ask. girlboss vibes.

also this ask took a while to answer and im so so sorry about that, but I didnt want to do anything less than the best for you, so let's just jump right in <[:)

Lacking motivation, god I've been there, but doing self care is super super important so here is a how-to, hon.

How to do selfcare when you’re not motivated to:

1. Be a little “gross.”

Gross is in quotes because it’s so subjective, but you undoubtedly have a few behaviors you consider kind of gross regardless. Now’s the time to do them without judgment. For me, that’s meant showering less, eating weird food combos (sometimes in bed), and letting my brows and mustache grow magnificently unruly. For you, it could mean doing something you normally judge yourself for or cutting back on activities you only do for the benefit of others. Now is not the time to allow “socially acceptable” behaviors to rule you.

2. Eat whatever the hell you want.

This should be a rule always, but I’m not going to pretend there aren’t societal, social, and personal pressures that go into why we eat what we eat. Try to shut down the voice that judges or polices what you’re eating right now. We’re in the middle of a goddamn pandemic. If dinner has to be some slices of cheese and deli meat eaten in front of the open fridge, so be it. If you have a lot of cravings and are snacking more than you normally would, cool. If pre-pandemic you decided you were going to stick to a certain meal plan and it’s just not happening anymore? Don’t beat yourself up.

Yes, what we eat is connected to our mental health, and I don’t want to discount that—but if the stress of eating healthfully is making you feel like crap anyway, whether that’s because you can’t fathom cooking or don’t have the means to shop for certain foods during isolation, just eat the sleeve of Oreos and try again another day. It’s okay.

3. And wear whatever you want.

Or, more realistically, wear whatever you can. Even if it means wearing the same ratty sweatpants for a whole week. Or month. Maybe you started all this out aspiring to get dressed every day to work from home productively, or maybe you have a whole collection of comfortable loungewear you feel guilty for not utilizing. Whatever arbitrary rules and expectations you’ve set for yourself, you can throw them out.

On the other hand, maybe you need to quiet the voice that tells you there’s no point in getting dressed or feeling presentable. If it helps, by all means, play with your look, wear awesome or weird outfits, do your hair and makeup or whatever activity might feel a little silly given your current reality. In the middle of a pandemic, nothing is a waste of time if it makes you feel good.

4. Use shortcuts to avoid creating chores.

In my first week or so of working entirely from home, I was baffled by just how messy my apartment got. How on earth were so many messes piling up when I wasn’t even doing anything but working, sleeping, and eating? I hadn’t realized it, but a lot of my small tidying routines had become casualties to the pandemic. And, it turns out, slacking on the little ways I pick up after myself every day (such as doing the dishes right after I use them) added up quickly.

Instead of forcing myself to stick to the same levels of tidiness that I used to maintain, I’ve found shortcuts. For example, I use paper plates and plastic cutlery when I feel too fatigued to wash dishes so they don’t sit in the sink for days on end. Or I stick to the same two “outfits” to avoid clothes piling up when I’m too depressed to put them away every day. If you can find a small way to go easy on yourself, even if it feels a little wasteful or indulgent or gross, it’s okay to tap into those shortcuts right now.

5. Be kind to yourself if your place is messy or dirty.

I won’t lie: I’m someone whose space impacts my mental health a lot. Typically, keeping my apartment clean helps keep my mental health in check and letting my apartment get gross makes me feel worse. That’s still true in a lot of ways, but to adapt I’ve been trying to be mindful and accepting of where I’m at. And it’s…helped?

It turns out that taking the pressure off does a lot to mitigate the guilt and some of the other negative mental health effects I usually experience. In practice, it involves a lot of talking to myself. Instead of seeing my apartment turning into a depression cave and immediately thinking, “Oh, God, I need to clean up, this is so disgusting, I’m a monster for living like this, of course I feel depressed,” I go for kindness. I think (or even say out loud because, well, desperate times), “Of course my apartment is a mess right now. I’ll get to it when I get to it. I can handle the mess for now.”

6. Accept your new sleep schedule.

idk anyone whose sleep hasn’t been screwed in some way by all of this. Anxiety, depression, fatigue, pent-up energy from sheltering in place, tech use, new work responsibilities, screwy schedules…pretty much every aspect of our new reality can impact our sleep. Some people are sleeping a lot more, some are sleeping a lot less, and some are cycling through both extremes. Oh, and the temptation of naps! It’s all there.

Trying to maintain a healthy sleep schedule during all of this is a worthy endeavor—and more power to you if you’ve figured out how—but there’s a good chance that it feels impossible.

By “accepting” your new sleep schedule, I don’t mean pretending it doesn’t suck; I mean doing what you can to be gentle on yourself about it. For me, acceptance has looked like watching some comfort tv and reading my favourite books at 2 a.m. instead of staying in bed and anxiety-spiraling about how I can’t sleep. Is it ideal? No way. But I’m not going to waste energy stressing about something I currently can’t control.

7. Give yourself plenty of room to do absolutely nothing.

I’ve given myself permission to do a whole lot of nothing. That includes getting rid of the pressure to be productive and practice self-care, yes, but in a broader sense, it also means not forcing myself to actively “adjust” every day.

Some days, I just need to do nothing but feel my feelings. Or avoid feeling my feelings. Or stare at the ceiling. Give yourself space to do (or not do) whatever you need to.

also, nonnie? my love?

Never feel guilty about telling someone who cares about you when you don’t feel okay.

People who genuinely care about you—and I’m sure they are many—will care if you aren’t feeling good, there are always going to be people who care about you, who want you to be okay, that’s why they ask, why people make rant, why “how are you?” is such a common question.

But if you do need to talk, but you feel like you’ll “burden” people who you do talk to, here’s a guide to ranting.

Guide to ranting:

1. Pick the right person. Someone who’s in the right headspace to listen to you, you could also pick someone who cares about you—if you’re anxiety tells you nobody cares about you, pick someone who “should” care about you in your relationship, e.g: a friend you’ve had for a long time, a friend who’s told a few of their problems, or friend you might not feel close with, but seems very kindhearted and a good listener.

2. Pick the right time to talk to them, so you can have their undivided attention. If they are busy—as most people will be with something—they’ll have a hard time giving you good advice and listening to you. Ask them when they are free, and then ask them:

3. “hey, can we talk? I’m not mad or you or anything, it’s just that I have been not feeling great, and I just want to rant to someone about it.” and “No pressure to say yes, you might have your own stuff to do deal with.” to make sure they are the right person to talk to.

4. It’s ok to test the waters. Start slowly, you don’t have to share everything at once if you don’t want to.

5. You never know how your friend will react to what you say.While you can’t know how they’ll react, just remember that sometimes people’s initial reactions may come from a place of shock, surprise or not knowing what to say. Their initial reaction isn’t always their longerterm reaction, it may just take them a little time to process.

6. Look for ways to take action. Don’t get me wrong, ranting can be amazing for you, but on its own may not solve your problem.

But maybe venting to people isn’t for you. No matter! There are other ways to get out emotions:

Ways to rant without talking to anyone

1. Cry it out— simple and rewarding. When the baggage is just too heavy to carry cry it out. It can help you ease the pressure and ease your mind to think straight after days of holding that frustration in.

2. Work out — easy and fun. tire yourself out and release all the frustration in working out! This is going to be so satisfying for you as you try and punch, kick, balance, lift, and breathe those frustrations away.

3. Clean & rearrange — practical and can be fun. we get frustrated by so many things and one thing that can truly help clear our minds is to have a clean place where we can stay and live for the moment to breathe. Clean your room, rearrange your things and you’ll be surprised by the satisfaction this brings — a signal of a new beginning.

4. Scribble — simple and fun. Make scribbles, doodles, drawings, take a pen or a pencil, and let go. It does not have to be “good” art or professional at all. Just draw whatever comes to heart, sunflowers or clouds or rainbows—anything.

5. Write it down — fun and simple. Let those words out of your head and just live in the moment.

How to fight the lack of motivation.

1. Don't fight the lack of motivation.

If you feel down or unable to muster tons of energy, let it be ok. Be easy on yourself and acknowledge that it's ok to have a dip, especially at this time of the year.

2. Once you have accepted your slump, get to the bottom of it.

Ask yourself, "What is the root cause of this sluggish feeling?" Go deeper than the obvious reasons. Is it related to work? Your personal life? Relationships? It might also just be the weather. Get clear on what areas of your life you're feeling the most resistance.

3. Dig into that area. What is not ideal about this aspect of your life? What would make it better?

Make a list of how you'd like your current situation to improve--and be specific. If you truly can't find a reason to be less than enthusiastic, then accept your feelings and let them pass with time.

4. Take your list of what is missing and go through it.

What is holding you back from being able to create the things that are missing in your life?

5. Get support for creating the life you want.

Do some research and find an expert to help you. Even though they love you, friends and family aren't objective enough, and they tend to give advice that is a reflection of their own life and insecurities.

6. Think of current habits that are contributing to a less-than-ideal life.

Maybe it's fear, laziness, or not having enough confidence. Pick one to focus on.

7. Address this habit over the next 2 months.

They say it takes 28 days to create a new habit, but this varies from person to person. If you focus on it for two months, you are sure to build the neural pathways needed to call it a new way of being.

8. Buy a book, read articles or do some research on this particular behavior or feeling.

Read about the common causes of this habit as well as the proven ways to bust through and work around it.

9. Create a plan around shifting your current habit.

Make sure that changing this habit ultimately helps you move forward in the area of your life that is not ideal. The energy from clarity, awareness and then action will immediately get you feeling more motivated, no matter what.

10. When all else fails: make a list of activities that excite you, and do one of them right now.

Talk to a fun friend, dance around at home, workout, watch a funny YouTube video, tackle something on your to-do list. Accomplishing something will give you a hit of dopamine in your brain. If you're too overwhelmed by your day, sit for five minutes and meditate. Put on some soothing music and breathe.

okay, that's all nonnie, I hope you feel the lust for life in your lungs, please have all my love, i hope this helped, this ask took a while, but it was worth if it helps

and if you need to dont worry to send another ask, if you like spam the inbox!! queen!!!

take care, much love my sweet honey, bye <3

—*putting daisies in your hair as they leave* mod peppermint <[:)

#mod peppermint #ask #anon #rant

2 notes · View notes

ask-chef-teruteru · 5 years ago

Note

Teru, hun, please talk me out of anxiety buying a hoody I don't need in 105° weather. I just had to watch a show with a car accident and now I'm freaking out and looking for comfort somewhere. :(

“Oh, bless your poor lil’ heart...

I’m sorry you wound up seein’ that. Gettin’ caught off guard by things that’ll upset us— it’s one o’ the worst feelin’s n’ I don’t blame ya for seekin’ comfort. It’s brutal handlin’ things that cause huge anxiety spikes like that.

Buyin’ yourself a hoodie that ya won’t be able to wear this time o’ year won’t make you feel better though, sweetheart. I know comfort is an aspect you’re askin’ for too, but you wouldn’t be askin’ to be talked outta that purchase if that part wasn’t important too, so I’ll do my best. The way ya can kinda get cozy n’ get lost in how loose a hoodie fits can be consolin’, yes, but you’ll just feel worse once what you’re feelin’ now passes if you spend your money on somethin’ you know you won’t be able to enjoy any time soon. Hottest months o’ the year are still ahead of us, n’ buyin’ somethin’ now for somethin’ you won’t be able to wear at all isn’t a comfort, is it?

Buyin’ yourself somethin’ to cheer yourself up ain’t inherently a bad idea of course. Maybe look for somethin’ that won’t be such a setback on your budget though since hoodies can be a lil’ on the pricey side. Somethin’ small you can use any time you feel like, like a keychain or a sticker for example, would still let you look forward to gettin’ somethin’ new without comin’ with so much buyer’s remorse. Not that I’m sayin’ you gotta buy anything at all, but sometimes a better choice can be the best choice.

As far as comfort goes though, sweetheart, keep remindin’ yourself that what you’re feelin’ now will pass. Try to take deep breaths and give yourself time to settle your nerves. Whenever somethin’s got me panicked, I have the tendency to, um, wanna fixate n’ worry myself sick n’ make it worse. Distraction may well be your friend here— I find it useful to find one o’ them videos or gifs or whatever format ya prefer where it tells ya how long to breathe in n’ hold it n’ exhale because it kinda forces your body to settle down. Might also do somethin’ else to soothe yourself, take a hot bath or shower, sit back with a favorite movie or somethin’ that’ll help you feel better. Olfactory sense is easiest to fatigue, but it’s pretty effective at first. Lightin’ a favorite candle or smellin’ a favorite cologne or perfume tends to be soothin’ too.

If nothin’ else helps, know above all else that you’re safe and you won’t be fightin’ with your anxiety forever. It’ll pass and you’ll get through it, and it’s never easy, but you’re strong and you’ve made it through this far and should be proud of yourself! Be kind to yourself the rest of the evenin’ cause you deserve it. If you wind up buyin’ somethin’ you can’t use for a while, don’t be mad at yourself and keep in mind that ya can have it in your closet for a rainy day.

I love you, sweetheart, and I hope you’re able to get through what you’re goin’ through quickly and feel better.”

#asks #anon #sorry i couldnt give you an answer any sooner #i dunno how helpful anything i said was but youre free to come back any time to vent #ill be here for you as best i can

6 notes · View notes

dxmedstudent · 5 years ago

Note

Hi dx, I'm starting med school this fall and moving to Ireland to do so! Ive got chronic fatigue though and Im worried about being able to manage the workload. Im on meds so I'm doing pretty well, working 10 hour days rn with a 2 hour commute, but im pretty drained at the end of it. Have you or any of your followers got any suggestions for handling med school when youre just so tired all the time?

And another ask:Hi, following on from the anon asking about studying, do you have any specific tips for studying medicine with chronic fatigue? I find sitting in lectures (and the journey to and from) drains me even more than I am usually. Thanks and have a great day! Hey, peeps! So I have someone important in my life who has gone through a chronic fatigue condition in med school. I’ve seen a lot through what they went through, but I wanted to be able to give a more useful answer. I took a little time to think, and to ask them what advice they would give. They gave me permission to share an edited version with you.

It is possible to get through medical school with chronic health problems. Don’t let other people tell you otherwise. You may encounter people who doubt you, but never let them get to you. Remember that many people with chronic illness have achieved great things and it doesn’t have to be a barrier to success.

There is usually a way to get through whatever obstacle comes up. The key is to take everything literally one day at a time, and do not get overwhelmed by thinking about all the demands for the year at once. Focus on what needs to be done right now. Next week is another week.

Let yourself have setbacks, and don’t give up when you have worse periods of health. There will be times when you’re more tired and stressed, but you have to give yourself space to recover back from that. Remember that everyone, whatever their health status, has bad times, and that usually they will pass. If things aren’t getting better, talk to your family, friends, personal tutor at university. Seek help with clincians.

Keep in touch with your fatigue clinicians and be open about new obstacles and your fears about things. They can help with a lot of problem-solving aspects and support you during times of difficulty. They are also useful to rant to when you are stressed out as they know a lot about the problems of people with CFS who they’ve seen in clinical practice.

Consider reading books on CBT and acceptance commitment therapy (ACT) - these have really helped me through psychologically difficult situations and build resilience when medical school has thrown difficult things at me. In the hardest year of medical school it really helped to have written advice to look at when various situations came up.

Tell the university (occupational health, senior tutor, personal tutor etc.) - I cannot stress this enough. It is confidential, and they have to accommodate you because it is a disability. This can become really important if you have issues completing sign-offs/assignments on time, getting hospital placements closer to home, getting extra time in exams etc. It can also be useful if you have problems with exams (not being well enough to do a sitting) for the university to know what is going on and how best they can help you. If they do not know what is going on, then they cannot help you. This is one of the best things I did at medical school in terms of having a safety net for when things were more difficult.

Do not feel you have to attend 100% of everything. If you are feeling very fatigued and not gaining much by that point in the day, it is usually better to go home and do some quality studying at home. So many students who have no health problems will go home early, so do not feel guilty for doing so when you feel fatigued and like you’re not having a good day. Just remember to catch up what you’ve missed.

Talk to the students in the year above about what the demands of the coming year are like, what the exams are like, what textbooks/resources to use, and other *off the record* tips which the university would never tell you. This will help you out in planning how to approach the work for that year. It is very important to know what you’re preparing for and the best way in which to do it.

On placement, talk to the teaching fellow/head of the placement if you have any issues completing tasks or sign-offs etc. They can help you and give you advice about how to get things done. This has been of great comfort to me during placements where sign-offs have been very tricky and I’ve worried about whether or not I will complete everything. Also ask how previous students did it - you’re not the first cohort who’s gone through the system.

Let yourself adjust the intensity of your concentration when attending lectures/seminars. Some days you’ll be able to be at your highest level of functioning, and other days you may feel less functional. Your levels might look something like:

Highest level: concentrate/listen, participate/answer questions, write down notes.

Medium: concentrate/listen, no writing or participating.

Low: zoning out some of the time (5 mins etc), prioritising more important slides or mentally checking in again when possible.

Use breaks during lecture days to really give yourself a breather. It is best to physically leave the space where the lecture took place, ideally go to a canteen and have a snack (food and drink are very important for boosts), or go outside (fresh air is important). Let your brain truly wonder and do something not related to university or teaching. Don’t hang around with peers unless they talk about things which are less brain intensive or non-university topics.

Take on a reasonable workload during group assignments, and don’t let other students foist extra work or their work on you. Be strict about your role and that you will not do their work for them.

E-books (textbooks) - either download pdfs and upload on google drive etc. or buy on kindle etc. This is VERY useful for reading and studying whilst out and about for medical school, and fitting in revision during parts of the day which are empty/less busy. There are often quite a few times where you will be waiting around between teaching/clinics/hospital activities and if you use your time wisely you can really get a lot done. You can also read on public transport when commuting which is a good use of that time too.This becomes especially important close to exams where time management is key. This is one of the best things I did.

Pacing - plan for deadlines in advance. If you have sign offs/essays/histories to do, space them out and plan everything in advance. Make a plan and stick to it, but be flexible enough to change things around if you don’t feel up to doing a particular task on that day. Make sure it is realistic personal timetable, and has time for you to attend university, study and complete assignments/sign-offs, as well as relaxation/social time.

If you feel you are doing too much, cut back and do the bare minimum of what you need to do. Whilst it is nice to aim high and everyone at medical school is crazy competitive, the aim is to pass and go into the next year, and complete the degree. Scraping passes = still a doctor. Many people forget this, but the priority is to get by and become a competent doctor. You are doing what you can do, and you don’t need to get a Distinction in all your exams to be a good doctor.

Do not feel guilty for not being able to work as hard necessarily as other students can all the time. Be proud of yourself for being there and for doing something so difficult as medical school in the first place. Medical school is very hard even for people who do not have any problems with their health. There is really nothing wrong with coasting along and doing just what needs to be done. It can be frustrating to not be able to do more, but tell yourself that you’ve done your 100% which is all you can give at this current time. Sometimes you’ll be able to do more, and sometimes you’ll be able to do less. But don’t feel guilty about it. Know that you are doing your best and that’s all that you can do.

Similarly, everyone feels they are not doing enough/like they don’t know enough. Doctors on placements will also occasionally have a go at you, not realising that actually for your level you do know enough. You may feel you like you’re not enough, but the truth is that everyone feels like that. Many people at med school act like everything’s fine but underneath the surface, we’re all working very hard and tired.

You are not alone - many people at med school have either physical or mental health problems. They are all also battling through the challenges and you are not alone in your difficulties. Remind yourself of that and know that everyone is on their own journey/battle.

Believe in the work-life balance Pie chart - Everyone should ideally have equal time in their day dedicated to 1/3 cognitive, 1/3 self care and 1/3 social activity. In med school, the latter two may fall back a bit even for students with no health problems, but it is very important for these things to be done consistently during med school. “If you can’t look after yourself, you won’t be able to look after other people”. The only way you can achieve your goals and look after patients etc is by looking after yourself (with the pie chart) and keeping yourself in the best health possible.

Cognitive:studying, reading, academic extracurriculars, any activity where the mind is actively involved.

Self care: pampering yourself, hobbies, leisure activities, exercise/yoga, playing with pets, praying/worship etc.

Social: going out with family or friends. Relationships. Support groups. Societies/clubs etc.

Join support groups either in real life or on Facebook - it is really useful to have somewhere to rant about issues which specifically affect people with CFS/ME, and to have their support when you have a hard day. Family and friends will not always understand everything you’re going through, even with the best of intentions, so it’s important to have peers with CFS/ME on those occasions.

Don’t be afraid to turn down going out or doing extra things in the day if you’re really not up to it. Better to keep yourself at a functioning level than overdoing it because you feel you *should* be doing something. It’s best to be honest with yourself about what you can do today.

Learn to say no - if other people ask you to do things and you are feeling overwhelmed at the time from work/personal life, do not feel bad about saying no if you have reached your limit of how much you can cope. Do not feel guilty about this, and realise that it is crucial to not take on too much at once, in looking after your health for your ability to get through medical school. People can and will ask you to do things either not realising that it’s over your coping limits or not caring. You have to learn to put yourself first and forward and know your limits - it is not worth the payback which can inevitably happen when we overdo our limits. Medical school does not give you a lot of time to rest or recover, so you really have to make sure you keep yourself functional and within your limits.

Work steadily during the year - if you have fatigue then you cannot leave things last minute and cope with the physical and mental stress of this. Make sure you are making notes and keeping up during the year, and increase your revision before exams to a comfortable level. Be careful not to overdo it in terms of number it hours a day, as most likely you will lose your concentration and not absorb the information anyway. Best to do revision in chunks, with breaks and other things to break up the day. If the next day you get payback, it’s a sign to dial back the number of hours of revision. Even if you’re doing less hours of revision than you planned, if you’re better focused and rested you will pick up more information. “Quality not quantity”.

I hope this helps! Good luck with your studies, and I hope that things go well for you in the coming year.

#askdx #ask dx #chronic illness #fatigue #i-cant-promise-that

23 notes · View notes