#I'm just mentally shouting at myself

[thelastspeecher]

Being at work is a lot of trying desperately to beat back my rejection sensitive dysphoria with a stick

[finniestoncrane]

trying to look outwardly mean and scary and pretending i don't give a fuck is hard when i smile like i'm filled with rainbows at leaves with a neat shape and also at leaves without a neat shape bcause i don't want them to feel left out

[inseparabiles]

I don't know if it's a blessing or a curse when you have a diagnosis of what the fuck is identity and then your entire self just becomes entwined with whatever it is your shattered sense of self decides it associates with that day but god does it give things a different flavour for sure

i.e. yes I'm having fun. I'm in a great mood. Yes I'm also taking things very personally and crying under my desk because this thing that I just saw? I felt it in my deepest self somehow. It's now a part of me. Nobody is welcome. But yes I'm having fun

[2boldlyqueer]

I am doing real badly these days

[beananium]

i think everytime someone mentions i "need to" lose weight / go on a diet or comments on my weight in general (especially if they're seeing me losing weight as a positive thing) i should legally be required to bite them

[madcap-maggie]

I can talk a big talk online all I want but at the end of the day I still haven't fully gotten over my phone anxiety

[starsmuserainbow]

Feeling shtty these last days for no real reason. I hate having days like that. Was going to say 'screw it, I'll do an allnighter since I'll feel sht anyway', but I'm just so exhausted I can't.

[apollo-zero-one]

One of my cats, the one who is the best natured, the most tolerant and loving, bites my mom. Real, hard biting that breaks skin. He doesn't do this to anyone else in the house. She acts very victimized by it.

But when I ask, were you bothering him? I know you like to annoy the cats on purpose, were you teasing him after he gave you warnings to stop? Were you ignoring boundaries he set? And she'll give the most nonchalant, 'Yeah, probably.'

I'm realizing a lot about my own childhood trauma. I'm remembering, vaguely, distantly, the way I would have my own warnings ignored. I think I remember being overpowered, physically. In good fun! To play, to tickle! Except that I was so so small, and whether I wanted to play was irrelevant. And I was laughing, clearly I liked it! There was nothing I could do once she was playing, so I started avoiding physical play, keeping myself out of positions I could be trapped and tickled as much as I could.

I remember... How important it was to me to speak for my brother. To make sure he was clearly understood. He needs this, he wants that. He doesn't like that.

He doesn't like that. (Please stop doing that to him.) (Please stop doing that to me.)

We both got bigger and were eventually able to defend ourselves. Strong enough to squirm free and crawl away, or to stay curled up in a ball and not have our limbs pulled open and tickle spots revealed. My brother learned that if he gave no reaction, it would bore her until she stopped, and that worked for him. I learned that I had to grab her wrists and physically push her away for her to stop, and that, in combination with avoiding getting into the situation and repeatedly saying while in a safe position I didn't really like to be tickled ('Of course you do, you used to ask me to tickle you as a kid!' maybe sometimes.) finally got her to stop.

We're both big now. She bothers the cats. She likes to touch their noses and whiskers. The girl cats have learned when to walk away from her, they are able enough to squirm and then run. Roman is too big, too out of shape to run, so he's learned that when he has had enough, the only thing she'll listen to is his teeth.

I don't like being touched by strangers. I hate being tickled, it makes me feel out of control, and helpless. I hate feeling helpless.

I love my mother and she never meant any harm. But I am recognizing more and more harm from her as I start to dig deeper into my past and recognize things as trauma that I didn't flag earlier because they didn't sound traumatic. "I was often held down and tickled by my mom as a child" sounds like a cute childhood story. "I was physically overpowered, touched in ways I didn't want to be, had my protests ignored, and made to feel helpless by a parent" has a much different ring to it.

I was also shamed/guilted into having very, very lax physical boundaries. My mother could touch or grab me wherever and whenever she wanted. I was never sexually abused, never, so it has taken me a long time to recognize the situation as traumatizing. My mom jokes that when I started picking my own clothes, I always dressed like a prude, I never wanted even an inch of skin uncovered on my legs or waist and I would make sure to find the right clothes to achieve that. Leggings, all socks, oversized shirts, layers. As soon as I learned I was allowed to wear jeans I started to do so, and to this day Denim feels like armor to me. She's mentioned it's a texture she doesn't like. I wonder if that's related. I wonder if I was always subconsciously (maybe even consciously, I don't remember much of my childhood and I mostly have emotional amnesia about the parts I do remember- as if it was someone else's life I'm remembering) shielding myself from unwanted touches.

[itslilimethinks]

.

[doux-amer]

Sick of this stupid team making the stupidest mistakes and sloppiest passes and their laziness and slowness on the ball and lack of finishing ability. I'm angry at Quansah, but once again, just like our matches against other big clubs, this is down to the whole team being miserably bad. Genuinely wondering if this team even wants to win the league for Klopp before he goes because they sure don't play like it.

[thereisnothinghereagain]

Where are all my adult anas?

It's a different world stepping into Eds shoes again half way through life.

I don't have to worry about my parents getting mad at me

I don't have to worry about my school teachers getting mad at me

I don't have the typical teenage drama that spurred this mentality shift

I remember Ed being a call a shout for help just to be seen and cared for as a teenager. But now no one sees me, I have no watchful eyes on me. No one whispering under their breath, no parents staring at me across the dinner table as I play with a half eaten plate, no boy trouble or pubescent drama fueled by hormonal rage and indifference. I'm not doing this to impress the boy I like or try to fit in with the popular kids.

I am invisible

Except from myself.

I'm in a strange state of visible translucency. I tell people I'm fasting and they believe me, I tell people I'm too tired to come meet them for dinner they believe me.

Fuck, even my live out partner whose been here for the last 3 days who I have said the words 4norexi4 to and who has watched me consume nothing but tea for 3 days doesn't question my choices.

How different a world it is when you're seen but not seen. I am validated but I remain a shadow.

[reasonsforhope]

"Democratic Gov. Andy Beshear banned the use of “conversion therapy” on minors in Kentucky on Wednesday, calling his executive order a necessary step to protect children from a widely discredited practice that tries to change a person’s sexual orientation or gender identity through counseling.

The governor used his executive powers after Republicans who control the state legislature repeatedly blocked efforts to enact a state law banning the practice. Beshear said he would no longer wait for others to “do what’s right.”

“My faith teaches me that all children are children of God,” Beshear said during the signing ceremony at the Kentucky Capitol. “And where practices are endangering and even harming those children, we must act. The practice of so-called ‘conversion therapy’ hurts our children.”

It was the latest action in a national debate over conversion therapy and the rights of LGBTQ+ children and their families.

The Kentucky event stirred many emotions. Activists for mental health and LGBTQ+ rights cheered the governor, but as he prepared to sign the ban, someone nearby shouted, “This is a denial of affirmation therapy!” Supporters drowned out the protest.

Among those in attendance was Zach Meiners, a 34-year-old filmmaker who said he wants young people to be spared the anguish and harm he endured during four years of therapy as a teenager, which caused him “anxiety and depression in ways that I’m still unraveling.”

“I can speak firsthand to how devastating it can be to someone’s mental health,” Meiners said in an interview. “And I consider myself very lucky to be a survivor.” ...

Nearly half the states and the District of Columbia prohibit conversion therapy on minors, Beshear’s office said. In Kentucky, 21% of LGBTQ young people reported being threatened with or subjected to conversion therapy, according to the Trevor Project, a suicide prevention and crisis intervention organization for LGBTQ+ young people."

-via AP News, September 18, 2024

--

Note: That last paragraph puts in perspective for me just how far we've come, even amongst all the hate. Fifteen years ago, not a single state banned conversion therapy for minors. Ten years ago, only two states banned conversion therapy. As of this law, 24 states now ban conversion therapy for minors, plus DC, with another three having some restrictions on the process.

I remember how amazed and relieved I was, when my state (California) became the second state ever to ban conversion therapy for minor in 2012. Now those protections apply to almost half of the states, and probably well over half the US population (I'm too tired to do the math but blue states tend to have significantly more people.)

They can't close the barn doors on this. It's too late. We're already out the door, and our rights are breaking out alongside us more and more every year.

[finniestoncrane]

i wrote some proper yandere stuff for the first time for this evening (just some headcanons), i'm excited to see if i did it well or not!! i also feel a little bit better today, thank you to everyone for sending me nice messages u-u

[imaginedisish]

Inside Out (Logan Howlett x f!reader)

A/N: Oh my god I'm back again. This is another soft!Logan fic. I couldn't hold myself back from writing this one. The next fic I have planned is going to be devious and diabolical, I promise, but for now, here's another angsty, soft and smutty Logan one shot. Couldn't stop listening to "Inside Out" by Duster while writing this one. I think it fits. Hope you guys enjoy :)

Summary: After a tense battle, you and Logan have it out (in more ways than one).

Warnings: SMUT! 18+ Minors DNI! Oral (f!receiving), Fingering, PIV (unprotected...wrap it up, this is fiction!), Allusions to PTSD/mental health, Frenemies to Lovers, Fem!reader, AFAB!reader, Mutant!reader, Telepathic!reader (with heightened senses/visions), cannon typical violence/allusions to death, non-sexual intimacy becomes sexual intimacy (not sure if that warrants a warning), angry!Logan, reader has hair (length/texture/color not described!) major angst, probably grammatical errors, I think that's everything.

Word Count: 4477 wow

You and Logan are surrounded. You can hear the other members of the team nearby in the forest, screaming, grunting, fighting. Guns going off, ricocheting against trees. And now, there is a circle of government-sanctioned mutant hunters pointing their machine guns and rifles directly at the two of you. 

Your heart beats out of your chest. How the fuck are you going to get out of this? It seems impossible. Sure, you and Logan can regenerate, but not nearly fast enough. You’re outnumbered 2 to at least 40, and more to come. Maybe this is the end. Maybe there’s no going home this time. 

But then, an idea crosses your mind. Briefly. A flash. A shot in the dark. But it’s there. And if you’re strong enough, it might just work.

You wince as another presence weaves itself through the fabric of your thoughts. No, Charles shouts in your mind. It’s too dangerous. 

You shake him off, forcing up your mental shields. Logan recognizes that look on your face. He can tell you’re up to something. He has always been able to read you like a book. 

“Don’t you dare put yourself in danger,” he mutters under his breath so only you can hear him. “We are all walking out of here, and you’re no exception.”

You close your eyes. “When I tell you to get down, you get down.”

“Absolutely not!” His nostrils flare. The government agents cock their guns. 

“Lo, get down.”

“Fuck no!”

You can feel it coming—feel their fingers bracing their triggers. Pulling. Pulling. Pulling. Everything is silent for a moment. You can hear everything. Nothing. There’s a squirrel running up a tree just a few feet away. A cold breeze sweeps through your legs. Peace. 

It never lasts long, does it?

“NOW!”

BANG! The shots ring out, echoing against the branches, the sound shaking the trees. 

With half your focus, you shove Logan to the ground, and with the other, you stop each and every bullet pointed in your direction. You stop the agents too, freezing them in their places. Dense, heavy sweat builds upon your brow. You’re trembling, your hands stretched out towards Logan and the agents, but you’re still in control. You can hold on a bit longer.  

You swallow harshly, forcing the bullets to rain down to the ground. With the twist of your hand, you remove the magazines from each of the guns and unload them, the ammunition falling to the ground, too. With the agents still under your control, you bend their wrists just enough so that they sprain; just enough so that they can’t fight back. 

And then comes that sudden, familiar shift in your body and in your mind. You’re weakening, losing control, struggling to breathe. You growl in agony, your head ready burst from the pressure of hanging on too long—but you have to finish this. You have to save your friends. 

You have to save Logan. 

With one final push of your hand, you send the government agents flying deep into the forest, screaming in pain at the sheer force it takes. You fall to your knees, down on the ground next to Logan. You try to catch your breath, your chest heaving rapidly. You cough, choking on your own breath and saliva as the taste of metal burns at the back of your throat. You swallow it all down. One more second of that, or a few more agents to fend off, and you might not have made it. You might have died trying. 

You regain some of your energy after a few moments on the ground. It’s not until you try to stand that you notice Logan’s hand on your back. He tries to help you up, but you shake him off. 

“I’m fine,” you protest, dusting off your uniform. 

“Fine?” Fuck. He’s angry. “You call that fine? You almost died!”

You turn to face him. He wants anger? Oh, you can show him what anger fucking looks like. “We would be dead if I didn’t do that! I did what I had to do!”

He prowls toward you. His claws are still out. “Are you fucking crazy?” He’s backing you into a tree now. “Tell me, what the fuck was that? What did you think you were doing?” He retracts his claws as he pins his hands into the tree, right next to your head. The bark scratches into the rips in your uniform. 

You condescendingly poke his chest with your pointer figure. If he’s going to treat you like a child, you’re going to do the same to him. “Saving your ass, that’s what!” You shout back. 

“This is not the time or place for you two to have it out.” Scott’s grating voice fills your ears. He is the last person’s opinion you’d like to hear right now.

You and Logan snap your heads to face him. “Shut the fuck up, Scott!” You spit in unison. He throws his hands up and backs away. 

“You could’ve gotten yourself killed!” Logan practically growls. 

You shake your head, your nostrils flaring. “I was protecting you!” You shout. “And I did! It worked!”

The rest of the team starts to board the jet, but Logan shows no sign of budging. Storm crosses her arms as she stands in front of the ramp. “Logan, let’s go.” 

He doesn’t move an inch, still caging you in. “I’ve got the bike. I’ll take her with me.”

“My bike!” Scott calls from just inside the ship. Logan shoots him a death stare. Even you roll your eyes at the comment. 

“Logan,” Charles chides from next to Storm, his voice a warning. 

You tilt your head past Logan to see Charles. “It’s fine. I’ll go with him. We’ll meet you guys at the mansion.” 

Charles nods. You swear you can see a faint smirk spread across his face, but he’s turning around and wheeling himself up the ramp before you can truly make out his expression. 

The ramp shuts behind him, and the jet powers up to leave. “So how are we settling this, hm?” You ask, cockily. Logan works his jaw, staring down at you with a fury you’re not quite sure you’ve seen before. “What would you like to do, bub?” You smirk. “What, you gonna tell me we’re supposed to be a team or something? Thought that wasn’t your style.” You know you’re being harsh, using his own words against him, ripping into him, but you don’t care. The jet takes off, but neither you nor Logan pay it any mind. 

His tongue swipes his bottom lip, and you can’t help but watch. You try to ignore how much you like the sight of it. Of him. 

“Never,” he seethes, not wavering an inch. “Never do anything like that again.”

“Why?” Is all you ask, knowing full well you’re poking the bear. “It’s nothing you wouldn’t have done.”

He ignores you and presses on. “I swear to God, if anything ever happens to you, I will punch a fucking hole in the goddamn universe so big that…” He trails off, his eyes searching your face. There’s a shift in his expression. “So fucking big that…” But he still doesn’t finish the sentence. His eyes are glossed over, like he’s holding back tears. 

You’re suddenly embarrassed. You can’t keep his stare, his eyes locked on you. You look down at the leaf-covered ground, and you realize just how dirty you are. Blood on your hands, under your nails, caked into your skin. You’re finally understanding the gravity of the moment—of what could have been if your plan didn’t work. 

“It was the only way,” you pause, feeling tears sting behind your sinuses, burning as they reach your eyes. “Only way I saw it ending without you d-dying.” You have to choke the words out. “C-couldn’t lose you,” you mutter, hoping he can’t hear you. 

“And what?” He says, not backing down. “You think you’re the only one with something to lose?”

“N-no,” you stutter softly. “That’s not what I meant at all. I just—”

“I’d rather die than live in a world without you.” He says finally. He pushes himself off the tree and away from you. He turns, walking towards wherever he parked the bike. 

You look at his back in disbelief. “W-what?” “You fucking heard me,” he shouts, not bothering to stop and wait for you or to elaborate further. You push your back off the tree and follow him through the forest. 

“Slow down!” You call out, still not quite fully recovered from using your powers. But he keeps pressing forward. “Logan!” You call again. “Please, I—” You stumble a bit, almost falling over, but you catch yourself just in time. You reach out to a tree for support, gripping a low branch tightly in your hand. You suck in deep, shaky breaths as you let your eyes fall closed. 

Logan shouts your name in the near distance, his voice filled with panic. His footsteps crunch the leaves of the forest floor. You can tell he’s sprinting with every twig that cracks beneath his boots. “Fuck, are you okay?” He’s next to you now, his arms enveloping you, reaching around your waist to offer you support. 

You can feel your tears bubbling to the surface, threatening to burst. “I’m sorry,” you mumble, opening your eyes to look up at him. “I just didn’t see any other way.”

“I know.” His voice is gentler now, calmer. He helps you straighten up, taking a tentative step and watching as you take one too. He walks slowly, making sure not to rush you, keeping an eye on your every move. “I’m sorry too,” he says. “What you do…you just scare me sometimes.”

You hope he doesn’t see the tear that slips out the corner of your eye and down your cheek. “I scare myself. I still can’t control my powers. I know I’m a monster.” You can see the bike in the distance, so you take another step, but Logan stops. “I just feel so inside out sometimes, like I can’t be comfortable in my own head never mind my own skin.”

“I didn’t mean it like that.” His voice is steady now, firm. His grip around your waist tightens, keeping you in place. “You’re not a monster. You’re beautiful—” He cuts himself off. “What you can do, is beautiful.”

“Then what is it that scares you?” You need to know. 

“You’re just so selfless. What you did back there…” He pauses. “You knew you could die. I saw it in the way you were standing. The way you looked at me. It was reckless.”

He searches your face, your eyes, your lips for an answer. “You’re no better,” you huff out. Logan smirks, guiding you towards the bike yet again. “It’s just what you do when you care about someone.”

“I know.” His lips are pressed against the shell of your ear. “I know,” he repeats. 

He helps you onto the back of the bike, holding your hips as you straddle the seat. His hands linger longer than they should. He squeezes softly before letting go and walking to the front. He straddles the bike himself, grabbing the key from his jacket pocket and turning it into the ignition. The bike springs to life. 

“Hang on, alright?” He calls out over the roar of the engine. You nod against his back, slipping your arms under his jacket and around his waist. He kicks the stand up, and the bike rumbles underneath you as he presses on the gas. You tighten your hold on him as the bike jolts forward. 

You rest your head on his back, letting yourself fold over him completely. He’s warm and solid underneath you. You shut your eyes, too tired to watch the tires speed across the black pavement. Aside from the engine, the tires against the street below, and the wind, there’s no sound. No one around. It’s just you and Logan. Alone. 

You feel him breathe in deeply. “Don’t know what I’d do if you didn’t make it.”  You can feel the words reverberate in his back. “I mean it.”

“But I did,” you say, lifting your head so that you can speak against his ear. “I’m right here.” He hums in affirmation, and you rest your head on his back again. You hesitantly reach your hands under his shirt this time, arms wrapping around him as tight as possible. You know this is pushing the boundaries of your “friendship,” but he doesn’t stop you—doesn’t push you away. He just hums again. “I’m not going anywhere,” you murmur, and shut your eyes. 

“Good.”

The ride back to the mansion isn’t terribly long, and you wish it could’ve been longer. Logan drives the bike into the garage, taking the keys out of the ignition and kicking out the stand. You lift your head, and before you can even think of getting up on your own, Logan is wrapping his arms around your body and lifting you off the seat. 

You let him hold you there for a moment. You try to tell yourself that this is just a hug between friends, that this whole situation is what happens when you care about someone too much. But it’s hard to lie to yourself when you feel so impossibly strongly about someone. 

He drops his arms from your body and silently takes your hand in his. He guides you to the door that leads to the mansion, keeping you close. 

It’s dark once you step inside. Everyone must have gone to bed. It likely took you and Logan five times as long as the jet to get back to the mansion. Quiet fills the halls. There’s not a stir, not a creak, not a step. You can sense that everyone is asleep, or at least in their rooms. 

“Lo?” You whisper. He squeezes your hand. A surge of confidence racks through you. “Can you stay with me?” You’re not quite sure what you mean by that—what you expect him to do if he stays. All you’re certain of is that you don’t want him to leave. 

He nods, leading you up the stairs. “Won’t go anywhere, sweetheart.” He guides you down the hall towards his room. “Let’s get cleaned up, okay?” 

He opens the door and guides you in, shutting it carefully behind him. He lets go of your hand, the sudden emptiness making your palm feel cold. How do people become so important, so quickly? How can someone letting go of your hand hurt so bad when they’re still just a few feet away? You’re not sure, but you know this feeling is dangerous. 

He’s rummaging through his drawers for a few seconds before he pulls out a t-shirt and places it on the dresser in front of him. He grabs another set of clothes, closes the drawer, and carries them over to you. He extends the shirt out to you, a soft smile playing on his lips. That’s what he is right now: soft. You’re not used to this side of him. 

You take the shirt from him, smiling back. “You should shower. You can use mine.” His head tilts towards the bathroom on the other side of his room. You nod and pad over, opening the door, turning on the lights, and closing the door behind you. 

You keep moving, undressing and turning the water on. It doesn’t take long for the water to heat up, the steam fogging every inch and surface of the room. You step inside the shower, letting the water run down your body. Your eyes fall closed while your mind searches for some kind of peace. You try to recall what Charles often told you: Calm your mind. But it isn’t working this time. Your mind is racing. 

You envision Logan’s angry, fearful face; his concern and panic. Charles’s call that it would be too dangerous echoes and reverberates. You see yourself dead on the ground, Logan holding your lifeless body in his arms. Even worse, you find yourself imagining that it didn’t work at all—that you couldn’t save the team, never mind yourself. This time it’s Logan’s body you see, on the ground, dead. Just like that, your whole world can slip out of your hands and turn to nothing. 

Choked sobs escape your throat as you let yourself fall to your knees. There’s a piercing, splitting pain somewhere deep inside your head. These visions, these feelings, this pain—it’s physical and mental. And it’s too much. It’s not the first time you’ve had visions like these after a fight or a mission, but it is the worst episode yet. 

There’s a knock on the door, followed by Logan calling your name. You try to answer, but your voice is caught in your throat. Logan knocks harder, but you still can’t speak. “I’m coming in!” The door swings open and his eyes widen as he sees your crumpled form on the shower floor, face stained red with tears. 

He shoves the shower door open, practically cracking the glass in the process. You’re suddenly hyper-aware of how naked you are, but it’s clear Logan isn’t. His gaze is trained on your face. “I-it happens, sometimes,” you stutter, reassuring him that this is normal. “A-after missions.”

Logan’s shoulders relax, his eyes softening with understanding. “I know what you mean.” His hands come up to your arms, rubbing gently. “Let me help you.” He gestures with his head toward the shower. You nod and watch as Logan takes his shirt off. He stands to take off his jeans, and you look away, taking the moment to force yourself to stand. You hear him step into the shower and slide the door shut behind him. 

“I’m sorry,” you mumble, swallowing harshly. 

Logan stands behind you, less than a foot away. The shower is just big enough for the two of you. “Nothing to be sorry for. Just let me take care of you.” 

“Okay,” you whisper. You hear him shuffle a bit, squeeze a bottle, and shuffle a bit more. 

“Can I touch you?” He asks. 

“Y-yeah,” you answer. You wonder if he can hear how fast your heart is beating. But before you can think about it too much, his hands come up to your wet hair. He massages shampoo into your scalp, his fingertips scrubbing ever so gently. You feel your shoulders settle—your body relax. No one has ever done anything like this for you before. 

You watch as the dirt trickles down your body to the drain. After a few moments of massaging, Logan nudges you forward a bit, and you take the hint to step under the water fully. You close your eyes as he scrubs the shampoo from your hair. 

When he’s done, he removes his hands from your hair and slides them down to your neck, and then to your shoulders. You step away from the water, almost bumping into his chest in the process. 

“’M’sorry,” you mumble. 

“No more apologizing, darlin’.” His hands come off your shoulders. You feel lost without the contact. You listen as the bottle pops open again, and Logan quickly scrubs the shampoo into his own hair. You instinctively step forward to let him rinse, and he does.

You take a deep breath, trying to concentrate and calm down now that his hands aren’t on you. But it doesn’t last long. He opens another bottle, pouring more liquid into his hands. 

He rests his hands on your shoulders again. You can feel the body wash run down your arms. “Can I…” Logan trails off, his hands firm, unmoving until you give the word. 

“Mhm,” you hum. His hands start to work the soap into your arms, up to your neck, your collarbone, stopping just above your chest. “Logan,” you murmur, letting yourself lean into him. You feel his heart beating against your back. His breath fans over your shoulder.

You can tell he’s losing his composure, the way he slouches around you, inviting you in. This isn’t something friends do. You two aren’t friends. This is something more. 

And he knows. 

“There’s no coming back from this,” he whispers, his lips at your temple. “If we do this.”

You push back further into him. “Who says I’d want to go back?”

Your back is suddenly met with the cold shower wall, your chest flush with Logan’s. His lips press into yours, swallowing your moans as his hands come up to your breasts, pinching your nipples lightly. He moves down your body quickly, leaving a trail of kisses down your jawline, your neck, the center of your chest, your stomach, stopping just above your clit. 

“Relax,” he soothes, his thumbs brushing your hips. He spreads your legs with the palms of his hands before pressing a kiss to your clit. You shudder at the feeling, whispering his name and throwing your head back. 

He licks a long stripe up your cunt, landing on your clit, taking it into his mouth and sucking roughly. He laps at you hungrily, like a man starved. One of his hands resting on your hip comes down in between your thighs, experimentally sliding through your folds, teasing your entrance. 

It feels so good, but you want him—need him—closer. He inserts two fingers, gently pumping in and out, flicking your clit with his tongue at the same time. 

“Logan,” you whine. You look down at him, his head buried in your cunt. He looks up at you, his eyes wide and filled with lust. You’re already close. But it’s not enough “Need you, now. Want you here.”

“I’m here,” he mumbles against your core. You’re shaking, melting underneath him. 

“N-need you,” you beg again. “Please.” 

He sucks on your clit one last time before removing his fingers from your cunt and standing up to meet you.

His hands rest on either side of your head. Your breath hitches in your throat at the sight of him. “Are you sure you want this?” His voice wavers just a bit, a slight tremble shaking the usual steadiness of his words. He looks down to your lips and back up to your eyes—his jaw working, as if he’s searching for a sign that you’ve changed your mind—that you don’t want him anymore. 

But you’ll always want him. You always have. 

“Y-yes,” You stutter. He wraps one hand around the back of your neck and uses the other to hoist one of your legs around his waist. His hard cock rubs against your stomach as he moves to line up with your entrance. 

“Wanted you this whole time, pretty girl.” He thrusts into you, sinking down to the hilt. He stays there for a moment, pulling you into him, his free hand grabbing your ass and picking you up so that both legs wrap around his waist. 

He uses the wall as leverage, fucking you into the tiles at your back. Once he’s sure you’re stable against him, his hand leaves your ass and comes in between your bodies, searching for your clit. He begins to stroke, drawing perfect circles there, while his cock hits that sweet spot inside you. 

It’s perfect, everything about this moment is perfect. It all feels so good. You moan his name, his hips rutting into you over and over again.

“Doing so good for me,” he husks, biting the skin just under your jaw, licking the spot where your pulse point is, peppering kisses there. You wonder if he does it because it’s a reminder that you’re still here, still alive, still breathing. “Taking me so well, sweetheart.” 

His words work to coax you off the edge, each swipe of his fingers and thrust of his cock bringing you closer to your orgasm. “L-Logan,” you stutter, his name—him—the only thing in your normally noisy mind. This is what peace is. This is the calm you’ve been searching for your whole life: it’s him. 

You can feel his pace growing faster, his cock pushing deeper, stretching you out as he plunges into you. “You feel so fucking good,” he groans, kissing your pulse point again. “So fucking beautiful.” 

Your walls flutter around him, your clit becoming overstimulated and sensitive as he flicks roughly. You’re so close. “Lo—” but you can’t find the words. 

“That’s it, pretty girl,” he mumbles, his forehead pressing to yours. “Want you to look at me when you come. Can you do that for me?” 

You moan a yes as he buries his cock deep inside you, before pulling out and pumping back in again. 

You can feel your eyes growing heavy, but you keep them open, watching Logan as he pulls your orgasm from you. “That’s it. I’ve got you.” His words, the bass of his voice, him, it all sends you over the edge. He works you through it, still circling your clit, his pace growing sloppier as he chases his own orgasm. 

You wrap your legs tighter around his waist. He knows what you want. “Inside,” you whisper. 

“Oh f-fuck,” he moans, coming inside you, filling you up. 

His thrusts begin to slow, his hand leaving that space between your bodies. You feel like air, weightless, drunk off the way he makes you feel. He carefully slips out of you, but he doesn’t put you back down on the ground. He simply readjusts, picking you up in his arms and carrying you out of the shower. 

He sets you down on the bathmat and crosses the tiled floor to the towel rack, where two towels conveniently hang. He wraps one towel around his waist as he strides over to you. He starts to dry you off, rubbing you gently, kissing each spot he dries as he goes. He’s worshipping you, taking care of you. No one has ever taken care of you like this. 

Once he’s finished, he wraps you up in the towel, and picks you up again. He carries you back into his room, resting you gently on the already turned-down bed. He crawls in after you, discarding his towel in the process. You toss your towel to the side, too. You nestle in under the covers, and Logan does the same. 

He wraps his arms around you, pulling you to his chest. You can feel that peace again, that calm from before, when he was buried inside of you. It was him. It was always him. Your mind is quiet, no longer all loud and inside out. 

“I’ve got you,” Logan whispers, his legs tangling with yours. 

You bury your face into his chest. “Don’t let go.” But you know you don’t need to ask. 

His mind is already made up. 

“Never will.” 

[secret-moonstruck]

DOLLHOUSE | ENHYPEN VER.

— Pairing: enhypen x fem!reader | part 01 (Masterlist)

— Synopsis: A sadistic little vampire who thought she had total control over her dolls, her toys, but how far did she have that control. Maybe she was under their control.

Facts: Human blood is the best to feed a vampire. However, the exchange of blood between vampires always touches all the physical and mental senses and emotions. The blood of a newly transformed person is more intense, as it still has the energy of human blood mixed with that of a vampire.

— Genre: smut

— Warnings: unprotected sex, fingering, oral sex, praising, cum inside, making out, clit play, begging, hickeys, cum eating, overstimulation, gore, blood, torture, more. Read at your own discretion.

— Notes: I'm new to this writing thing, and English is not my first language. Sorry for not writing so well, I wish to improve and bring better and well-written stories.

Since Jay's little rebellion, everyone spent most of their time locked in their rooms as punishment and as a precaution.

Y/N was sitting on her throne, or rather lying down, her legs raised in guard, as she read a book. However, she was bored there, so she absently with a subtle movement of her hand opened the glass door to Sunoo's room, he was the one she trusted most, he was always very docile, obedient and was always willing to obey her, always with a sweet smile on her face.

- My sweet Sunoo, prepare my bath, please. - Y/N said caressing his face while he was kneeling in front of her.

Soon Y/N was in her bathtub, Sunoo massaging her legs, while she took the wine he had served.

She was feeling tired so as soon as he helped her with her robe she sent him back to his room and locked him, even though she trusted him, she thought it was better not to risk another escape.

As Y/N woke up she felt her arms hurt, she tried to pull them out but they were stuck, she opened her eyes scared, her hands were chained to the guard of her bed, and her bed...it wasn't in her room it was in the middle of the room. hall, the glass wall of Sunoo's room was broken, glass was scattered around.

She looked around scared, everyone was there, smiling while the watched.

Heeseung and Jake were at the table, she noticed some things spread out on the table, Sunghoon and Jungwon on one sofa, Ni-ki and Jay on the other sofa, Ni-ki was holding a dagger, which she recognized very well, she had used it several times in them, Sunoo was sitting at the foot of the bed, his usual sweet smile.

Y/N pulled her hands trying to free herself, but she didn't understand why she couldn't, those chains shouldn't be anything to her. 

- Oh, don't do that Y/N, you'll hurt yourself. - Sunoo's worried tone was false, loaded with irony, the tone he used when he wanted to provoke her, to irritate her and make her torture him more. 

- What did you do? - Y/N shouted angrily, still pulling her hands, her wrists already bleeding as she tried to free herself.

Sunoo excitedly walked over and sat down next to her. He played with the sharp end of a piece of glass.

- My little Y/N, always so confident, so arrogant, but she is actually very innocent, so naive. You trusted me so easily. It's just knowing how to please you that you become blind.

He ran the piece of glass gently across Y/N's neck.

- Did you like the wine earlier? I just added some of the poison you love to make us drink, maybe a little more concentrated. I know it doesn't have that much effect on you since you've been a full vampire for years, but your powers and strength are useless at least for a few hours.

He pressed the glass to her neck, a trickle of blood oozing out.

 - But I don't understand, how did you not notice that I already completely transformed myself some time ago? I haven't taken that damn poison for weeks. You always praise how my blood seems to be more intense than others. But you still didn't notice that it was because I had already transformed? That energy flows stronger in me? Like I said: you are very naive. Every time I pleased you you gave me more of your blood, it was so fast get transform me

Running his tongue over the cut on Y/N's neck, tasting her blood, he closed his eyes, a sadistic smile on his face.

- If I wanted, I could have killed her so long ago. - Sunoo's voice, close to her ear, didn't have the usual sweet tone, goosebumps ran through Y/N's body. - But it wouldn't be funny, it was satisfying little Y/N acting arrogantly, thinking she still had some control. You look so beautiful when you are proud of your achievements. So many times I could just dominate you and do whatever I wanted with you, but this wasn't the time, I wanted to have a little more fun with your illusion of still being in power.

- Let's go, the poison won't last long. - Ni-ki rushed him. Everyone was impatient.

Y/N finally understood what was happening. They wouldn't do that, would they?

- Sunoo, what happened? You were always so sweet.  - She looked around desperately. - Jungwon, you won't let them do that, will you? Heeseung, please? 

- Leave them? - Jungwon's smile scared her, what was happening? Normally he was so pure, even more so than Sunoo. - Of course not Y/N, I'll do it myself.

Jungwon approached the bed, she noticed that he was holding the collar he normally wore, it had his name engraved on it. He placed the collar around her neck, tightening it beyond comfort.

- Perfect, this shows who you belong to. - He smiled satisfied. - Ni-Ki, you were so impatient, weren't you?

Ni-ki's eyes carried a darkness so thick that Y/N, for the first time feared for her life, was he going to kill her? But that didn't seem to be what they planned.

Y/N closed her eyes in fear as Ni-ki brought the dagger closer to her chest, but instead of death she felt cold air touching her skin as the blade cut through her clothes, the cold tip brushing against her warm skin. 

A pull on the collar made her open her eyes, when she felt the tightness around her neck, making her choke for a moment, she saw Jungwon sitting on top of the bed pulling the chain while smiling, Sunoo was no longer there, now he was sitting at the table laughing at your reaction while looking for something among the things on the table.

But what really mattered was Ni-Ki, the anger in his eyes usually amused her, he was usually trapped, he couldn't do anything against her. But now, it was Y/N who was trapped, she was the one trembling beneath his body.

- You always liked playing with me. How did you say it? “My little Ni-Ki” - His laugh sounded more poisonous than the poison they gave him. - Let's see what you're going to call me now.

With the dagger in her hands, Ni-ki finished cutting off her clothes, leaving her completely naked, exposing her to everyone in the room. She tried to shrink, she had never felt so vulnerable, but to her surprise, at the same time she anticipated what was going to happen.

- Since when do you have any modesty? After what you did to each of us, don't you think it's ridiculous to have some kind of shame?

Ni-Ki was removing her own clothes when Heeseung intervened.

- Wait. That's not why we got her. - He said pushing him away.

Heeseung noticed the tears on Y/N's face and misinterpreted it, he thought she was scared, but she was angry with herself for being anxious about what was to come.

- You know we're not really going to hurt her, right? - He said kissing her tears. - At least not that much.

Y/N didn't know if Ni-ki was trying to calm her down or scare her more, but his hoarse voice was only making her excited.

Ni-Ki continued kissing her tears down her face, her neck, towards her chest, Y/N's breathing becoming heavier as her tongue passed over her breast, playing with her hardened nipple. At the same time she felt hands over her legs, she looked down, only to find Heeseung in between her thighs, he smiled at Y/N before dipping his tongue into her folds.

- Damn, I was wrong, this bitch wasn't scared, not wet like that, it's obvious she's enjoying it.

Her small moans were heard throughout the room, while Heeseung and Niki's lips made her forget everything around her.

Her breath hitched when she felt a few tugs on her collar, she looked up only to find Jungwon masturbating.

- Y/N, won't you pay attention to me? - He said pouting, his expression not matching at all with what he was asking.

Jungwon moved to her side, hitting Y/N's lips with his leaking cock, making her open her mouth, entering all of it at once, making her choke, the position was uncomfortable being trapped while sucking him. 

Moans leaving his lips as he felt her moan into him when Heeseung pulled away from her. Y/N tried to look at Heeseung but Jungwon pulled her collar, turning her attention to him.

Y/N felt someone rubbing his erection against her wet core, she knew it was Ni-Ki when he moaned as he entered her. Soon her hands that were trapped fell, someone had released her.

 - That's better, you'll be more useful loose. - Heeseung said taking her hand and wrapping it around his dick.

Switching between Heeseung and Jungwon, Y/N tried to pay attention to both of them. Jungwon always whimpered when her lips were around Heeseung instead of him, but it wasn't long before she was covered in cum as one followed by the other came all over her.

Her mind was blank as Ni-ki manhandled her pussy with hard thrusts. He didn't seem to find it enough, as he lifted her leg over his shoulder going deeper into her when he was about to cum, when he felt her tightening more and more around him knowing that she was close to her orgasm he withdrew, she moaned disappointed, as he continued pumping his member cumming all over her. 

- Have you forgotten that this is your punishment? - Ni-ki said laughing as he walked away.

She was left there alone for a moment, until Sunghoon approached Y/N while pumping his hard member. But before that Sunoo got off the table laughing.

- Wait one moment. - He approached carrying something in his hands.

He dropped a whip on the bed next to her before pulling her down onto all fours, he slapped her hard on her ass, leaving a mark, before pushing her legs apart, Y/n felt the cold liquid dripping down before feeling a pressure when he slowly inserted a plug in it.

- Perfect. - Sunoo said smiling, ignoring Y/N's angry look as he walked away from her, she perfectly noticed the outline of his dick, hard against his pants.

Trying to turn around, Y/N was stopped by Sunghoon's hands on her waist.

- Now, you're just mine. - Her voice gave Y/N a shiver, but she was relatively calm, Sunghoon was a crybaby, always submissive to her.

Her back arching in surprise she felt the sudden pain, when Sunghoon hit her with the whip, not once or twice, but several times in a row.

- What the fuck? - Y/n shouted at Sunghoon, but he remained silent, his eyes focused on the pink marks that were engraved on her skin.

Y/N screamed in fright when he suddenly turned her around, picking her up and taking her somewhere. With the cries of protest from others.

They were in his room, he dropped her onto the bed facing the large mirror that was on the wall in front of the bed.

Sunghoon was behind her holding her, his hand cupping her face making her look at her own reflection while their other hand traveled down her body, his lips kissing her neck.

- Look how beautiful you are, so fucked up, so messed up, it suits you, being ruined. - He pulled her hair, reinforcing what he was saying.

He slid inside her, at the same time he bit her neck, tasting her blood, his movements were slow, but not smooth, she felt his entire body against hers, the vision in the mirror of him fucking her made everything more intense , especially when his gaze met hers as he came, she trembled under his touches, so close to cumming too, when she noticed his smile, his gaze changing as he withdrew from her, leaving her frustrated again.

- Sorry Y/N. - You still don't deserve this, you've frustrated me so many times now it's your turn. 

- Please Sunghoon. - At this point Y/n was already crying. - I need it, please don't do this. 

- I'm sorry. - He said once again before taking her back to the room.

When she arrived back at the lounge she saw Jay and Jake already in her bed, Sunghoon released her between them.

- Wow, she's really squirting. - Jay riu from Y/N.

- It seems like it's not so fun to be a toy for others, right Y/N? - Jake said pulling her closer to his body.

Jake pressed his body against Y/N's back, she could feel every part of his body against hers, his lips on her neck. Jay was in front of her, his hands running around Y/N's waist as he pressed himself more and more against her, his lips almost glued to hers but without touching, Y/N's body felt like it was going to explode, feeling the two of them. Crushing her between them, the heat of their bodies, burning her, and what she craved most, their erections rubbing against her body.

Y/N moaned at the empty feeling as Jake slid his hands removing the plug from her, only to feel him slowly penetrate her, her barely processing what was happening as Jay filled her pussy as well.

She felt like she was melting as they moved in sync, she was so sensitive after being denied her orgasm that she couldn't last long, her whole body shaking. 

Lucky their bodies were pressing down on her, but not so lucky when she practically screamed in desperation as they continued moving while she was so sensitive after finally cumming. She thought she couldn't take it and would come again when she felt Jay filling her with his cum, not long after Jake doing the same. The problem was that now she needed it more, they took her so close again…

Y/N felt her body falling as they pulled out of her, both of her holes oozing with their release. Jake left her there as Jay kissed her again before pulling away. Her body lying on the bed, it seemed like everything was spinning.

- Poor thing, what did they do to you? - Sunoo's voice is always filled with irony. - But it's not over yet, is it?

Already exhausted, Y/N feared what Sunoo would do, she couldn't read. Normally he is always sweet and obedient. But he was a tease, and that's what was scaring her, especially since he was the one who started all this.

As he approached, she noticed that he was carrying something in his hands, but she didn't identify what it was, she soon recognized the dagger that Ni-ki used earlier. Sunoo dropped the dagger and something else on the end of the bed before finally removing his clothes. Y/N only thought about how difficult it must have been to have his dick trapped in his clothes for so long, she observed the veins that surrounded it, she wanted it in her mouth, but when he saw her going towards him, he stopped her.

- Not now Y/N, I already have plans for you. - He said pushing her back to the center of the bed.

Y/N's eyes following Sunoo's every movement as he picked up the dagger, she expected him to use it on her, but to her surprise he used it on himself. he made a large gash on his collarbone, blood running down his chest.

- You're weak and tired, probably hungry too. - Sunoo said getting closer, she thought he would let her drink his blood. But when he smiled she saw that he was teasing her with his blood.

While Y/N's eyes didn't leave the direction of his chest and abdomen covered in blood, he took a large black ribbon and tied her hands.

- Just in case. - He repeated something she always said when she arrested them.

Sunoo turned her back to him and pushed her making her fall on her stomach holding her waist up, with her hands trapped she couldn't get up. she pushed her face against the bed as she felt him slide into her, 

Still with her face against the bed, Y/n muffled her moans as he moved, his movements weren't fast, but she felt every millimeter passing through her insides as he gave strong thrusts. He was getting annoyed that she was stifling her moans, so he pulled her by her hair, making her rise up against him, making her scream at the sudden pull.

- I want to hear you Y/N. - Sunoo whispered in her ear, his deep voice making her shiver. - When we're done, you can drink my blood as much as you want.

Hearing this she involuntarily tightened around him, the smell of blood was making her more and more hungry and desperate, she needed it, he pulled her hair again when they were both at their limit, Sunoo who waited patiently to be inside her He couldn't take it anymore and finally came violently inside her, making her cum in succession.

He had to hold her while her body shook during her new orgasm, she thought she was going to faint, she couldn't take it anymore after everything she'd been through with all of them.

When he finally pulled out of her, turning her towards him, she thought it was over.

- You look like you're about to faint, I'll be good, you can drink my blood. - He said, fixing her disheveled hair.

Sunoo leaned back against the guard of Y/N's bed, she in his lap, weak and tired her tongue ran under his abdomen and chest licking the blood that was dripping down, she could think how pathetic she looked but at the moment her mind couldn't. She couldn't process anything, she could only think about the taste of his blood as she drank from the cut he had made. When Sunoo noticed that she looked a little better, he pushed her away.

- There's still one thing missing. - Y/n's eyes widened when she heard him say that. 

- Isn't it over yet? - She asked, her voice was hoarse and weak already.

She noticed Sunoo looking behind her and turned around just in time to see Jungwon climbing onto the bed. She looked confused between the two.

- Do you remember the times you tried to see which of the two could withstand your torture more? So let's give back. - Jungwon joked.

Y/N felt Jungwon's hands on her waist making her rise up on her knees, the feeling of déjà-vu of being trapped between Jay and Jake. However, she noticed that the situation was not the same when she felt them both lining up in her pussy. 

- Aren't you going to…? - She couldn't finish speaking when she felt both of their cocks entering at the same time. 

Y/N hid her face in Sunoo's neck and bit him, not to drink his blood, just because she needed to take it out on something, she didn't even know what she was feeling at the moment, with the two of them moving inside her, maybe she was going to die at that very moment. And she really thought about it as the orgasm hit her like never before in her life. 

Tears rolled down his face as they continued until finally enjoy.

Sunoo continued holding her body against him as Jungwon withdrew. She heard something but her head didn't absorb any words. She was almost dozing off when Sunoo took her away.

Y/N was between sleep and consciousness as he washed her and took her to his room.

- I confess that it was difficult to watch everything, but it was my idea, I couldn't go back. - He said, placing her on his bed. - But even if I'm jealous, I can deal with it because I know I'm your favorite at the end of it all.

— Note2: Sorry if it's not good, I'll try to improve it.

[vivwritesfics]

Better Than He Ever Was - MV1

This gif makes me feral - I am on my KNEES

Y/N is pregnant and Max is sweating

Related works: Mini Me Prodigy

When Y/N Verstappen found out she was pregnant with Fabian, Max was terrified. He was utterly, utterly terrified.

He played it well, cheering and happy smiles when Y/N showed him the pregnancy test. To everybody on the outside, he was the overjoyed father to be, talking about Y/N and their baby on the way any chance he got.

There were very few people who saw beneath the facade Max was putting on. The first was Christian Horner, who himself was like a father to Max. The next was Charles Leclerc, who was way too excited at rhe prospect of being an uncle that he forgot he wouldn't actually be related to the baby.

Both said the same thing: that Max should talk to Y/N about it.

But where was he to begin? How did he tell her, after seeing how happy she was, that he wasn't ready to have a baby.

When she started showing? Oh boy.

It was never something Y/N wanted to keep hidden. As soon as she had all the tests she had taken come back positive, she posted something to all of her social media's. Max did, too, playing his part well.

Y/N didn't wear baggy clothes to hide her bump; she showed it off with pride. At every single grand prix she'd be standing beside her husband, hand over her stomach and the press took pictures of them.

Most husbands, when their wife's baby bump began showing, would be over the moon. But when Y/N started showing, it just made Max more fearful.

Y/Ns very first proper indication of the was when they were discussing baby names.

Any moment she got, Y/N was writing down potential names. She had at least twenty of each.

"How do you like Felix?" Y/N asked him as they watched a movie together. Max had been sim racing all day; this was the first proper moment she'd had to spend with him. "Or Daniel?"

"Daniel can be the middle name if it's a boy," Max said as he fed her a Malteaser.

Y/N moved over to her list of girls names. "If it's a girl, I liked Mila. Thought Mila Verstappen had a really nice ring to it."

Max just hummed.

It was two weeks after that Y/N finally sat him down.

"What's going on with you?" She asked, her hand resting on her bump. That morning her snack of choice had been stroopwafels, and she'd accidentally finished the entire box (but who could blame her? They're addictive).

"What do you mean?" Asked Max as he lifted the box to see what he was inside. Nothing, empty. He made a mental note to buy more.

A terrible, horrible feeling settled in Y/Ns stomach. "Please, Maxie," she placed her hand over his, rubbing her thumb over his wrist. "Tell me what's going on. I'm begging you!"

Max let out a huff. He hated himself. "I love you," he said, which definitely wasn't concerning. "I love you so much and I know how excited you are to have our baby, but I don't know if I can do it."

Her heart was beating so loud she was sure Max could hear it. "Wha-what are you trying to say?"

"I'm trying to say that I'm so fucking scared, Y/N. I'm terrified of being a dad. What if I raise our child like my dad raised me and the kid ends up like me? I'd never be able to forgive myself if that happened."

Oh. This wasn't a dire as Y/N thought it was. This was something she could deal with. "Come here," she said softly and tried to pull his chair closer. Max shuffled over. He let Y/N wrap her arms around him and rested her head on his shoulder. "Do you remember last summer, when we went on holiday with my sister and her kids? Do you remember how they loved you so much that they wouldn't leave you alone?"

They'd rented out a villa. Max and Y/N had just come back from their honeymoon when Y/N's sister had invited them away.

As soon as they had their things unpacked, the kids grabbed their uncle Max's hands and dragged him into the pool. "Let's race!" The oldest shouted. Max was more than happy to oblige. He raced them to the other side of the pool and back, letting them win, of course.

When Y/N and his sister started on lunch, Max was blowing up the inflatable pool toys and looking after the baby. He was a natural with all three of them. Y/N watched them out of the window as she buttered the bread and passed it to her sister. That was when she realised how wonderful of a father Max was going to be. That was when she realised she wanted to have his children.

By the end of the holiday, the children were obsessed with him. According to Y/N's sister they didn't stop talking about him until at least two weeks after the holiday.

Max nodded his head. At first he'd been secretly reluctant to entertain the kids. But he loved it, and he actually found it fun. Of course, it wouldn't be the same when it was his own child.

"You're going to be an amazing father, Max. You're so kind and caring and kids love you. Plus, you're aware of how shitty your dad was to you, you know what you have to differently," she said, running her fingers through his hair. "I'll be there with you every step of the way," Y/N whispered and kissed the top of her head.

Max was still terrified, but he was trying not to be. But Y/N saw him change. He really did become that cheering and happy father he was pretending to be at the start.

Aside from Formula One, Max's life became getting Y/N whatever she and the baby were craving. Stroopwafels, mostly.

They discussed names more when Max became more comfortable. He was a big fan of Nora. Nora Sophie Verstappen. It had a very nice ring to it, Max thought. Little baby Nora.

They'd struggled to settle on a name for a boy. After Max had suggested his mothers name for the baby's middle name, Y/N was afraid Jos' name was going to be thrown into the mix. Not after all of Max's fears and anxiety. They'd decided Hugo, Hugo Verstappen was to be his name.

If it was up to Y/N, Jos wouldn't be in the child's life. But, of course, it wasn't just up to her. It was a decision she and Max had to make together.

When they found out they were having a little boy, Y/N and Max were over the moon. They decorated the nursery, painting the walls to be like a Formula One track. The bottom third was all grass, the middle was the track and the rest was blue skies with fluffy clouds.

The track went all the way around the room, with little race cars painted onto the track. There was a little Red Bull with a 33 on it, and a little Ferrari with a 16. It was a friend who painted it for them, going into intricate details for the cars and garages.

And then Y/N went into labour.

All of those fears Max had managed to get past came flooding back. His wife was about to give birth to his little boy.

Max wasn't much help through the delivery. Actually, through most of it he wasn't allowed in the delivery room, since he was panicking too much.

He wasn't a Hugo. That was what Y/N and Max decided the moment he was born. He was a Fabian. Fabian Hugo Verstappen. He was the most gorgeous little boy in the world. That was all Max could think as he stared at him, cradles in his wife's arms.

His son. His boy.

"Welcome to the world, Fabian Hugo Verstappen."