#I'm just feeling a bit feelsy again

[red-man-of-mustache]

I managed to get my old blog back! Last time I contacted Tumblr support they basically shrugged their shoulders like they couldn't/wouldn't do anything. This time it only took ONE message and bam, I have access again. It feels good to go back and reminisce. See a bunch of old ideas I had for Mario and whatnot. I'm gonna get a little feelsy under the cut though, I just wanted to tell someone about this. I won't be going back to it or anything as I've already started over here but it's nice to have possession over it. Two-factor authentication did it's job(a little too well) when I lost that old phone number.

I made that blog when my then girlfriend suggested I do so. Tumblr wasn't even in my sights at the time. I was fresh out of High School and the tumultuous time I spent there was horrific to my general inspiration to write. What I mean is, I began Freshman year full of hope and vigor. I even wanted to write a book. I still have about six or seven chapters of it somewhere in my laptop but I gave up around sophomore year as I was an outcast, dealing with an alcoholic parent, and all around just not having a good run of things IRL. Thusly I moved further and further from certain hobbies I enjoyed, like writing/role-playing.

As stated, I graduated High School in June of 2014 and my girlfriend suggested I make a rp blog for Mario in July of that same year. I thought nothing of it. I made the blog, followed a bunch of people, and sat back for a bit to see how it was done. I learned some of the terminology and then got right to it! To this day it was the most fun I've had just goofing off, making random jokes with people across the fandom, and not having a care in the world to drag me down.

It was an escape.

If any of you were around, you'll know I spoke about follower count a lot back then. That wasn't to brag, rather I was amazed that people would follow my dumb ol' blog whether it be to watch me write or write with me. The concept still amazes me to this day really. I started going to college shortly after, and admittedly I would often be blogging when I should have been doing homework or even in the middle of class. I loved(and still love) what I was doing. I enjoy writing Mario because I grew up with him and I find comfort in his games. Mario represents a part of me that feel as though I've lost touch with in recent years. The bravery, the happy-go-lucky. The optimism.

As I wrote through the years, on and off through to 2018, I met a lot of people and more often than not I'd vanish on these newfound connections because just to be blunt I am horrible at keeping in touch. Absolutely dogshit at it. If I go too long without speaking to someone I just would figure why bother? Then never say anything again. A vicious cycle really if you feel like an outcast because you reinforce those feelings through inaction.

I was in an especially horrible slump the year I lost that blog. I had a job I hated(but paid well) I was smoking constantly to escape the pain, and I was in a very unsavory living situation. From almost every angle I felt suppressed and tumblr was my only escape. But I started letting it affect my time here as well. Another not so glamorous fact about me: I have trouble letting go of things. Paradoxical with what I just mentioned about keeping in touch I know but people, things, experiences, I cling to the good in my life given the trials I've had to endure. So, I contacted support and tried to hash things out. I was turned down and although I felt at the time it wasn't fair I could just pick back up and do as I used to do, for once I resolved to not give up and made this blog here. I still had access through my old phone(the app specifically. That was the only place I was still logged into it on)) it just didn't have service or the phone number assigned to it for me to receive the Two-factor authentication code.

It hurt at the time to archive my old blog and just go about my day but that was a practice in letting go. Sort of. I'm still using the same name, same character, and my method of writing is just a little bit spruced up. But I needed it. I needed to move on because there was just as much pain associated with that blog as there was good times. I needed to grow and move past it. And I did.

Of course, I took an extended hiatus on this blog as well. At the time I was financially in the gutter, emotionally I was volatile and my physical health didn't help either of those things. It's not all bad though. I've made a lot of good progress recently. The past year really. Unfortunately at first, my weed consumption got to the point where I could hardly function in day-to-day life without it and I was simultaneously worse off mentally for it. It almost drove me to suicide. I did attempt it, once. But that was my breaking point. May of last year. I decided I cannot go on this way and I checked myself into a mental hospital.

After a short stay I came out with a new resolve to fix my life and get over the time I wasted burying my feelings in THC. I had quit, after smoking daily from 2015 until then(2023) I stopped cold turkey. That jumpstart being away from it for a week helped a lot. I'll be a year clean in two months. Afterwards I started seeking better job opportunities, even working two jobs at one point to maximize gain. The truck my uncle helped me get had broken down in November and well, I decided that it would take an exorbitant amount to tow and fix it. I took THAT money and went to the dealership, got a used car I loved. First time I've had a car note in my adult life and I was 27 at the time. My mom (who deserves her own post really. She's not been the best person and that's putting it lightly) ended up in the hopsital around that same time for dry bronchitis. Still an alcoholic by the way, but I actually had hope for her. If I could kick my habit then she should be able to as well, right??

Wrong. She got out the hospital and got even worse. I came back home to look after her tentatively for a bit but planned on going back with my roommate afterwards. Her belligerent drunken rants had gotten markedly worse and if I were to guess it was that brush with death. She claims she went to the hospital because she couldn't breath. I wasn't around at the time to get her there but someone luckily was. Fast Forward to the end of January. My mom and I get into an argument. Usually that doesn't happen because I'll either let her speak her piece and move on or I legit just ignore her. But tonight she was trying to get physical with me, a grown man. Throughout my childhood she was physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive and always used threats to keep me in line but she realized none of that worked anymore and was especially angry.

She was poking at me, trying to land punches on me and eventually I shoved her away. I tried multiple times to walk away by this point by going to other parts of the house but she would follow me, block my way and again try to get physical. Things simply boiled over. After shoving her she grew angrier and we got into things physically. I didn't hit her the entire time. Not a scratch was on her because(and this isn't my ego talking) I was only trying to control the situation. I mostly pushed her around while she clawed at my face, threw things, and she ended up hitting me with an air fryer. When she did that I called the police.

The police came and saw the two of us. Me bleeding with cuts on my face and her unmarked. They spoke to both of us and took me to the hospital and her as well to get examined. I was able to go home that night. She went to jail.

My brother heard what happened and stole my car that night, but again that's a story for another time.

I'm putting all this out there about me because I returned to rping Mario a little bit after all this happened(January 31-February 1st is when it all went down). I was going through a lot on my old blog but I still chugged along because life has it's ups and downs. That's something Mario would say. This past year I've won more than I lost. I've been getting therapy as well to try and pin down if I have anything going on in the ol' noggin so, really, I'm in a place where I think I can sustain this hobby again. At first it felt like life crushed my optimism and hope for a better future but that was because I let it.

I say all this to say, that I'm glad to be back. I'm glad all of you no matter if we write together everyday or every other day gives me a chance. It warms my heart to write these posts even if I'm not here everyday. Sometimes I get busy, sometimes I don't have the energy but I refuse to give up as I've done in the past. That will never happen again.

So bear with me is all I ask. I wouldn't give this up for the world.

[flyinghome-againstthewind]

8. What I like the most about your writing

The emotions! You pace things out and delve into the characters' mindsets so that I'm desperately drawn in as a reader and feeling all the things. Plus you sprinkle in absolute chef's kiss fluffy/domestic/sweet moments.

9. A fic i’m excited for you updating/posting

Obviously I can't wait to see what's next for our Seaside babies, but also that snippet you posted of Soften Every Edge has me very grabby hands 🥺🥺🥺

15. A question I have about one of your fics

I know you're a multi-doc fic prepper, but were any parts of TBBFIY unplanned, or have there been any scenes in Seaside so far that cropped up and surprised you?

🥺🥺🥺 That is high praise, thank you friend! And now that our Seaside babies are at least in a good place to rest (😏) for a bit, I'm eager to spend a little time on Soften Every Edge, and hopefully will have more snippets to share again soon 🥰 I have noticed that it's the more emotional and/or sweet, feelsy moments that I tend to leave room for inspiration to do its thing and that come together late in the process. The most recent example was Jamie and Claire's wedding in Seaside. In outlining, I just had a space saver for it and none of the details worked out, because I knew it would be a civil ceremony and nothing too exciting to write about. I figured I'd get to planning as I got closer to it. Then I had the idea of handfasting on the beach, and so in the back of my mind, I knew that that would be the real wedding, but I didn't spend much time thinking about what the chapter as a whole would look like beyond that. So the kilt scene with Jamie and Fergus entered pretty late in the game as I was trying to structure the chapter and it ended up being one of my favorite moments from the wedding. 🥹 Thanks for the asks/answers, my friend!

[fanfic asks for the askers!]

[chocobothis]

For the fic writer asks, how about ❤️, 💕, 💭, 💛, and 🦋?

❤️ What is your favorite line that you’ve written in a fic?

“Solus,” he directed her eyes to look into his, “you are as much a Mando’ade as anyone else. Having lightsabers or using the Force doesn’t make you a Jedi. The same as wearing beskar’gam and some half-heartedly attempts to follow orders doesn’t make you Mando’ade. Every battle you’ve fought in this war has been fought as one of us.”

-

💕 What is your favorite fic that you’ve written?

Okay, I have next to now published fics meaning there's none I can actually link for this. It's probably a fic that got dubbed "Secret Sharing" in the google doc to give it a name.

The fic is set in an AU where Solus got pregnant before she left the Order; it's the same twins, Jila and Tarre, just arriving two-ish years sooner with no planning. But, it's her on Krownest and actually having to talk to Pre as her Manda'lor and leader but also the father of her children. Solus, someone toting impressive amounts of PTSD (many sources), anxiety, and sheer exhaustion, wanted to keep it quiet as long as possible. Her plan was to be ahead of the narrative but that collapsed. Then to the shock only her everything is more than okay.

It's just a feelsy piece for me where Solus gets to made to feel at home again. Internally she expected there to still be strings attached when she showed up. Like, she could join Death Watch but she would still be an Other due to her past. Then what happens isn't the past repeating itself. She has a completely positive interaction with her superior, Pre, unlike most of her interactions with the High Jedi Council. There's also this assurance that he doesn't doubt her strength or capability in doing this on her own. But, she doesn't have to be alone.

-

💭 What inspires you and your writing?

There's no measurable rhyme or reason for my inspiration. Sometimes it's a song or a writing prompt or a trope I want to explore. Other times, I have an idea pop into my brain that demands attention right that moment.

Something I do try to include for though is Arc Questions. It gives me a goal to write and develop my characters toward. For example, with my major fic I'm working on with Solus it's a question about Identity. There's the comparison made in the series of "Your lightsaber is your life." (It's probably one of my favorite lines in Star Wars because of the endless possibilities.) She wields two as two individual weapons but never combined as a staff. When one is broken on Concordia the question for her, someone with two separate, conflicting identities, is now, "Which part of you died: the Jedi or the Mandalorian?" Then the story and her growth works in part to answer that.

-

💛 What is the most impactful lesson you’ve learned about writing?

Honestly, that improvements aren't linear or predictable nor does everything have to follow the exact plan. I'm a little bit of a control freak about my own life in terms of I have a schedule and plans and immensely dislike deviation with out advanced notice. But, my best writing is done when I let go of the control. Things evolve and bloom in unexpected ways that frankly turn out better in the end.

-

🦋 Which character is your favorite to write?

This is so difficult because there's so many characters I adore writing. From canon characters, it's probably tie between Pre Vizsla and Jill Valentine. Carlos Oliveira and Bo-Katan Kryze are close seconds because I am a simple person. I see a character that becomes my all time favorite (preferably with Fun Trauma) then I write them, possibly getting more trauma or having soft times. Then from my OCs, it's Solus Ve'tra followed by Jila Ve'tra and Nico Bright.

Fanfic Writer Ask Game

[loosesodamarble]

Hello hello, Erika! I hope you're doing well. Sorry to drop in randomly and unannounced like this, but do you know the song "The Long and Winding Road" (Spotify Link; YouTube Link)? It's always been one of my favorite songs by The Beatles, but when I just listening to it the other day, it made me think of your lovely Nacsele and I got all feelsy about them 🥺💖 (Have I told you how much I love that ship because I LOVE that ship) I debated a little bit about whether to share or not before ultimately deciding to send you this ask. Maybe I'm way off base here, but in any case, it is a good song. Cheers!!💕

Hello there, Acacia~! Don't ever feel sorry about dropping into my inbox, I wholly welcome it. And thank you for the well wish; I am doing well at this time. 💖

Now, I've never heard of "The Long and Winding Road" before but now that I've listened to it...

THE NACSELE VIBES!

I'M SO HAPPY THAT YOU LIKE MY SHIP AND THAT YOU PICKED OUT A SONG FOR THEM AND AKHFIAEUHTEHTKAHIUHG!

I could see this song as being from Nacht's POV. His life is one filled with loneliness and uncertainty and struggle. But Nacht still finds a way to Josele. He always comes back to her because he loves her and needs to be there for her, even when he worries and tells himself that she's hurt because of him.

All the pain they've endured and the tears that they've shed... They're just a part of the long path that Nacht and Josele take to being together...

I love it~! Thank you again, Acacia~! 💖

[ravenwolfie97]

i want to have a nice place of my own...

[wren-of-the-woods]

1, 7, 49 💜

1. What fic of yours would you recommend to someone who had never read any of your work? (In other words, what do you think is the best introduction to your fics?)

My instinct is I'll Stand Here With You, because it was the first fic of mine that got a lot of response and still has the most kudos out of anything I've written! It's also soft and feelsy which is still a pretty good indicator of what I like to write. I wrote that over a year ago, though... If I had to pick something more recent, I might say We'll Build a Den Out of Pillows (And Get Drunk Again) for the somfts and the inspiration from TAD or Home for the feels!

7. Any worldbuilding you’re particularly proud of?

I answered this here, but forgot to mention that I also have worldbuilding for fics that are as-of-yet unpublished! About a year ago I did a lot of worldbuilding for a mer!Jaskier fic which was never finished but which I'm still fond of, and I have a few other ideas floating around (soulmate AUs, a winged!Jaskier AU, etc) that would be very fun to worldbuild. So I suppose the answer is "as of now, only sort of, but hopefully more will come soon!"

49. What are you currently working on? Share a few lines if you’re up for it!

I have a few things in the works that I hope to finish in time for some of next week's What About The Bard prompts!

Here's one from a 5+1:

Yennefer looked around. The small tent was very, very cramped. There was no way they were all going to be able to lay out their bedrolls. 

Jaskier frowned, seeming to have come to the same conclusion. “Hold on. Where do we sleep?”

There was silence for a few long moments as everyone looked around them with expressions ranging from annoyance (Yennefer) to constipation (Geralt) to thoughtfulness (Jaskier). Ciri was the first one to speak.

“I guess we’ll just have to cuddle,” she said. 

~

And here's a bit from a shorter one:

“Geralt,” Jaskier begins haltingly, “What—”

He is cut off by a gasp when Geralt leans down and slowly, gently brushes his lips against the back of Jaskier’s fingers in the faintest of kisses. 

“What are you doing?” whispers Jaskier. 

“Kissing them better,” says Geralt, as though it’s obvious. 

Jaskier gapes at him, speechless for what may be the first time in years. 

“It was Ciri’s idea,” says Geralt. “I thought I might try it. Unless you mind?”

“It’s fine,” squeaked Jaskier.

From this ask game!

[reitziluz]

(maybe not so) quick notice about shit-all

essentially, i'm going to do the rewrite that i've been stopping myself from doing for over three years.

"oh no it'll never get done, it'll stop me from actually writing new material, the chapters are already published and you can't edit published material" - fuck all that noise. i've actually been held back from writing new material because i've had to devote so much brain power to stop myself from thinking about all the tweaks i'd like to do to solve the problems that are stopping me from writing rn.

and, writing tip, when you get stuck, the problem is often way farther back than you think it might be. for me, it's mainly chapter 22, "sweet things", because the whole emotional logic and everything collapses and breaks there. so i'll need to edit/rewrite at least chapter 22 anyway, so might as well work on the rest too, right?

a couple key points (spoilers start to drop)

i started writing shit-all when the broccoli arc was not even halfway done, iirc.

i had already built dimple as a key player in the fic so at the time i just called it an au and a day

i absolutely detest writing for ongoing series and never have done it before mp100

the reason for 3 is because once again the canon concluded into a beautiful whole that actually serves some delicious bits that would make the fic stronger and i 100% would have incorporated them into the fic IF I HAD ONLY KNOWN ABOUT THEM BEFORE

i also wish i had realized that no actually, the end of mp100 has a pretty clear timeline

separation arc is around reigen's birthday, 10/10. the culture festival is most likely on november 3th on culture day. the memories in ch 98 are made on new year's eve/morning, but at the start of it winter holidays (dec 25 to jan 7) are starting "soon" and it's stated to be a little over a month since dimple disappeared.

so broccoli arc happened mid to late november.

AS YOU KNOW THERE'S MULTIPLE CHAPTERS OF SHIT-ALL THAT HAPPEN ON CHRISTMAS EVE FAIRLY EARLY ON

the entire focus on christmas was purely a bit i committed to way hard and couldn't back out. i'm not that big on christmas. i just wanted to enjoy how it's more of a romantic couple's holiday in japan than the family holiday in my culture.

the christmas chapters end on ch 12

the best spot with the LEAST adjustments needed for the maximum impact for dimple to beef it is between chapters 15 and 16 and even that necessitates an awkwardly long jump in time during a very tumultuous time in the fic to make the rest of the timeline work too (because the final arc happens in january, because tsubomi moving is one of the announcements the teacher does as they've returend from the winter break, and she's stated to be moving "within the month", and that all happens in ch 21)

the lucky part is that this gives me an excuse to edit out the christmas stuff. or not even edit it out, but to move especially some of the feelsy headcanons for reigen to strenghten some later chapters instead (for example, to bring some oomph to the end of ch 19). chapter 18 would get the biggest hit, but i also could lift the haunted house scene and drop it right into ch 22, and it would practically fix all my problems with that chapter.

i've... honestly already mapped out all this in a spreadsheet. it is a fucking nightmare of 100K to rewrite, but also i already tested out rewriting the first scene of the first chapter, and it's pretty damn fast and easy work. i know that by ch 5 i'll have to start straightening up the timeline, and the fic will lose some of its wintery charm (which already was me projecting the long winters i experience onto a place that has different shit going on), but it feels pretty manageable. again, it's not like i'm making any forward progress anyway without doing this, and when i'm working on my own projects, i have in the past just started again from the beginning when i've gotten stuck at 50K or whatever.

the question remains, how do i want to do this? currenlty i'm thinking about starting out posting the chapters as i finish them (while also redrawing some old art too maybe) until the changes in actual content got too jarring. like, probably would do the christmas chapters as one batch etc.

i probably will just edit the descriptions etc over on ao3 to inform people there about what's going on, until hopefully i'll finally get to post ch 25 and there'll be a giant author's note about holy shit please take this chance to reread the work a lot changed

... honestly, best case scenario, it'll be a fun rereading opportunity on all fronts fhgsdhdfsh

[arrowflier]

Something major feelsy for Ian and Mickey possibly inspired by this: The only Heaven I'll be sent to

Is when I'm alone with you

I was born sick, but I love it

This took a while because I'm still not satisfied with it, but I suppose that why it's a speedwrite! Warning: Terry style homophobia

“Get your sick homo ass out of my house!” Terry shouts from his chair. His eyes are wild, and spittle coats his chapped and broken lips. If his body allowed it, he would be shaking with rage, but as it is he can’t even turn his head away from the scene that provoked his ire.

That scene is as follows: Mickey puttering about the small kitchen of the new Milkovich house, putting together the unappetizing mush that is all Terry’s doctors say he can digest, while Ian opens the fridge to fetch the beer that Terry definitely shouldn’t have but won’t take his medication without. Unthinkingly, Mickey presses a hand to Ian’s lower back as they brush past each other, a casual intimacy that he gets to have whenever he wants, now. Ian leans back to drop a kiss behind Mickey’s ear as he walks past, and Mickey gets a brief second to cherish the exchange, now a common thing, before his father ruins it all.

He tenses immediately at Terry’s explosive reaction, hands tightening on the bowl he holds. He drops the spoon entirely, watches it clatter to the floor next to Ian’s boots, splashing them with lumpy brown sauce. He stares at it as his father’s voice echoes in the room, followed only by harsh breathing.

There on the floor, the lukewarm food looks like shit. The shit his father has put him through all his life, the shit he’s done himself. All of it, his whole shitty existence, dirtying his husband’s feet.

Ian reaches toward him with a cautious hand, and Mickey is suddenly aware of how hard his heart is pounding.

He’s had enough.

He takes a breath. Picks up the dirty spoon, wipe’s Ian’s shoes clean with the rag he would have used to wipe his father’s chin. Sets the bowl carefully on the counter, takes the beer from Ian’s hand and puts it there too.

Then he storms over to Terry, puts his hands on either side of his wheelchair, and leans in until he can’t stand to be any closer to his filth.

“Fuck you, dad,” he whispers in the man’s shocked face. “Good luck conning any of your other sons into giving a shit about you.”

It’s almost funny to see how wide Terry’s eyes can get when the rest of him can’t move, but Mickey doesn’t linger to watch. He goes to the door, throws it open, and looks back at Ian.

“You comin’?” he asks, and doesn’t wait for an answer before he walks out.

Ian follows.

His bravado fades as soon as the door closes behind them, cutting off Terry’s rancid shouts. Mickey takes two steps forward and sags against the porch rail like a puppet with cut strings, burying his head in shaking hands.

He can feel Ian's hand on his back, right between his shoulder blades, a grounding presence in the storm of his fucked up life.

Neither of them say anything, but eventually, Mickey's body relaxes enough for Ian to tug him away and down the stairs. They walk quietly through the detritus of the front yard and down the sidewalk, up the mirrored stairs of the Gallagher house. Ian opens the door and stands back, letting Mickey enter first.

Going inside is like coming home. It is coming home. Mickey had never lived in the house next door, but something about it had always reminded him of how he grew up, and Terry had never been a highlight of that experience.

The Gallagher house was different, with its warm colors and soft furniture, framed photos on the mantle instead of guns and knives and drugs. It calms him, calms them both.

But it still isn't quite enough.

They pass through the house like ghosts, sides brushing until the reach the staircase. They stop there, long enough to look at each other, and Mickey knows Ian can see the tears in his eyes that he'll never let fall. Ian lifts a hand to Mickey's face, just briefly, and he turns his head into it with half-lidded eyes.

Then they climb the stairs silently, Ian guiding Mickey by the hand, backing into their room to keep his eyes on Mickey's own. He lets go once they're inside just long enough to close the accordion door behind them and shed his bulky camouflaged jacket, taking his phone from the pocket and fiddling with it before dropping it on the dresser.

As he approaches Mickey again, takes him easily into his arms, the strains of a familiar song start to play from the tinny phone speakers.

Mickey laughs, and if it comes out a bit strangled, neither of them mention it.

"You're a sappy motherfucker," he murmurs into Ian's neck, and feels him nod.

“My lover’s got humor,” Ian sings along lowly, ignoring Mickey’s resulting scoff and swaying them both to the music. “He’s the giggle at a funeral.”

“Knows everybody’s disapproval,” Mickey chimes in reluctantly, pulling back to raise his brows. Ian huffs a laugh and pulls him closer.

“I should’ve worshipped him sooner,” Ian continues, and Mickey rolls his eyes as he leans further into him.

He breaks the lyrics to mutter “Not possible,” and Ian smiles in knowing agreement, bending down.

Their lips meet to the swell of the music, and it's like a release.

Mickey breaks, clinging to Ian's shoulders, mouth open as he gasps wetly into Ian's. Ian's arms around him feel like the safe haven he's never had, tightening around his waist until his spine bends with the need to be closer. Always closer.

"Mickey," Ian whispers against his lips, leaving his mouth long enough to brush fleeting kisses against his cheeks, his nose, his burning eyes.

"The only heaven I'll be sent to," Mickey murmurs back with the still-playing song, clenching a hand in Ian's hair to bring his face back down, "Is when I'm alone with you."

The kiss again, deep and sweet. Mickey's teeth ache with it, as he runs his tongue into the space behind Ian's like they can fuse through sheer force of will.

"Command me to be well," he offers next, and it's a lyric but so much more on his lips.

Ian backs them to the bed, falls over Mickey as they go down. Mickey lets himself be handled, lets himself be cradled in his husband's arms, one cushioning his head and the other glued around his waist. He gets one leg around Ian's hips, pulling him even closer, the other running down to twist somewhere around his knees.

He seals their lips together, and ignores the wetness on his face. He doesn't think of Terry, or his distant family. He doesn't think of the pain, or the terror, or the jeers at his perceived weakness. He just thinks of Ian, his husband, there with him, around him, inside him as his tongue slips back into Mickey's mouth on a sigh.

He gasps when they part for breath, faces still close enough that he can nudge his nose into Ian's cheek to whisper in his ear.

"Take me to church, Ian," he breathes.

And he lets himself go.

Take me to church/I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies/I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife/Offer me that deathless death/Good God, let me give you my life/Take me to church

[mostlikelytofangirl]

Yk something that really sucks in fic? How often people like to erase LSZ's complicated family history in favor of 'wangxian nuclear family'.

WWX (my absolute beloved) is at least partially responsible for the death of A-Yuan's parents, and the parents of any other kid the Sunshot Campaign orphaned (not to say it was his fault exactly, war is war and bad things happen in war). He also wasn't present for most of LSZ's life, and LWJ was also missing from his formative years.

Idk I know it's not malicious but it makes me feel cold when people try to paint over the inherent and defining tragedy of LSZ's backstory. Imo, in AUs with no Sunshot and especially no cultivation, it makes more sense for Lan Sizhui to simply remain Wen Yuan.

Sorry, I'm rambling. I don't mean any offense to fic writers that do this, I just think there's so much wasted potential.

- Regular Anon

I can understand where you come from, yeah.

I know it's adorable to think in terms of wangxian married with a son, but truth is that realistically any strong bond of wangxian with LSZ would occur post-canon.

Now, to be fair, we don't know how those 13 years passed for LWJ and LSZ. There is definitely a strong sense of mutual respect, but not much a feeling of father/son. And yes, I know the Lan are not prone to sentimentality and open displays of affection, but they at least address each other as family members. As much as LWJ got LSZ accepted not only into the sect, but into the main family, he didn't do it as a father of the boy. A mentor and tutor, most likely, but even there, we can only speculate about how truly close they were, given how we don't get many clues of their bond during canon. LWJ is out there "being where trouble is" (or something of the sorts), and LSZ is off carrying on missions with other juniors with little reference to any time they could spend together.

With WWX. Well, dude was dead. And during the year or so of Burial Mounts life, he was more of that one cool, funny uncle that babysat you from time to time. A-Yuan's main caregivers where granny Wen and the rest of the renmants. It's undisputable that WWX cared lots about the kid, but to claim that he raised him is a bit of a stretch. Their reunion was all sorts of feelsy, but that's bc both believed the other was dead (one actually was lol), and it was —again— like seeing that cool uncle/favorite nephew you thought you lost.

So yeah, I see what you mean with lost potential there. It would be interesting to explore LSZ's feelings and thoughts regarding his real family, and how those he thinks of as family now were in part responsible for him losing his first family. Even canon hints to this as his arc concludes with him and WN (his last blood relative) going on a journey to learn of their lost sect.

I don't want to be a killjoy with this, it is cute to think of them as a little happy family after all their pain, but imo, when it comes to LSZ, wangxian's canon relationship with him is more of supportive uncles than parents and I think they are pretty ok with that.

[lovelywingsart]

I'm just gonna post the stories for the Survival AU... whenever.

Schedules have never been my strong suit, so I'm just gonna post whenever and however I want! uwu Could be every other day, could be every few days, It'll just depend on how I'm feeling and how quickly I can write.

Trust me when I say, I'm not forcing myself!! This honestly will just work MUCH better for me in the long run. I still have 'Dear Mother' to work on, as well as a few other ongoing things.

Speaking of 'Dear Mother', I'm hoping to work on it again soon! I just didn't have time or energy thanks to work and, obviously, Covid. So you can look forward to that soon, too. uwu If you wanna catch up with that too, strip 1 is right here!

Figured I'd just say this here so noone expect anything in any specific time like others do. There is no schedule for me, so enjoy the hella spastic posts~ With that being said, I'm currently working on editing the next Survival AU story since I was in the mood, so you'll get that here in a little bit!~ It's another feelsy one, so I hope y'all enjoy~

[beautifulterriblequeen]

B2:S - Chapter 3

Much of this series will be about the differences and additions in the novel version, and how they contribute to my understanding of story canon. But there will be character appreciation, the odd theory and headcanon, and suchlike as well.

Here be Lujanne, Callum, Rayla, Ezran, Bait, and Soren goodness!

Spoilers for Book Two: Sky below.

Lujanne having excellent fitness for all her walking around the Moon Nexus, and she's so energetic that Callum has trouble keeping up with her! She seems like those active grandmas who almost never stop moving, who have a lifelong supply of endless stamina. It makes me wonder if Lujanne will need that level of fitness for some upcoming conflict.

Callum feeling really hungry over not eating grubs and then still deciding he'd rather be hungry. It makes me wonder all over again how Lujanne got to the point where she eats grubs, considering that other Moonshadow elves we know of back in the Silvergrove don't. I still love my hc that the giant leech ate all of Lujanne's moonberry bushes and she's taking her revenge. Whatever's going on there, Callum is definitely not at that point yet.

When Lujanne asks Callum how he knows she's real, he thinks to himself that he'd put up with just about anything from someone who was going to teach him magic. That's a great parallel and foreshadowing for Viren's student/master relationship with Aaravos! And it's telling that neither student gets exactly what they hoped to get. Lujanne doesn't actively teach Callum any spells, because she believes he can't learn Moon magic at all. Aaravos does offer Viren power, but it takes him to some very dark places - literally and figuratively - and the cost is terribly high.

Callum sees a moon shape among the ruins, and Lujanne explains that the Moonhenge layout is an intricate rune that uses the structures themselves as part of its symbols and power. That's apparently a thing even with ordinary Moonshadow villages like Hollow Wood in the east, which is the coolest idea I've seen in a while: city planning as magic runes!

Yes, that's the same shape as the pendants Ethari made for himself and Runaan. Protection? Home? Feelsiness? A sense of safety and belongnig for all cycles and seasons?

Wonder what this Moonhenge rune stands for, then, and how much of this landscape is included in that rune. I bet it's more than we think!

But it makes sense now, how toppling the stone pillars would disable the spell the druids would cast to connect with the Moon Nexus lake. Breaking the infrastructure of the Moonhenge breaks the rune.

There's a physical sensation involved with the visuals that Historia Viventem brings up! When that one ghostly druid walked through Callum, he felt icy cold. Like in ghost stories. I really wonder about what exactly Historia Viventem is doing when it activates. It shows truth, "what really happened here?", so it must have some kind of time-related element, maybe tied to how the moon always repeats the same cycles or something. But it also seems to draw on the spirits of any living people involved in the flashback, because Callum could physically feel that wispy shape passing through him. So very interesting!

Orrr... is that all wrong, and there's something else at work with this spell than time? Maybe the world beyond life and death can act as an imprint of the things that have happened in the living world, and the spell that Lujanne (and later Callum) casts taps into that place, with perfect recall. I'm looking really hard at the sentence that says "dozens of translucent elf ghosts" and "phantom Moonhenge" and "lost in their own world" here.

Lujanne says more here than in the show about the world beyond life and death, being her mysterious Moonshadow-mage self. She says that "beyond" and "between" might both apply to where this other plane of existence is, and she doesn't much care which. With all the relativity swirling around this place, and not much in the way of empiricism, it's sounding like perhaps multiple conflicting ideas might actually coexist in such a place, allowing more ideas to fit there than we might normally believe is possible. Which is a fascinating bit of worldbuilding. Basically, every headcanon anyone has ever had about the Moon Nexus could all be true at the same time, for all we know.

Oh oh oh, Callum coming in soft with a secret wish! He takes one look at the Moonhenge and immediately thinks of finding a way to see his mom again! Poor boy, my heart! I'd say that could be another interesting parallel with Viren, but then, who wouldn't hold that sentiment?

Oh my, is this another breath of life into Ye Olde Ley Lines headcanon? Lujanne mentioning the Nexuses again, so soon after talking about the runic design of the entire Moonhenge, makes me wonder if the six nexuses are in fact giant runes. On Earth, the places where ley lines cross are called nexuses, and there are those who believe those points got marked with ancient structures, like Stonehenge and many many others. If Xadia were crossed with magical lines which naturally formed nexus points where they met, and if powerful magical runes were built across those entire areas, well. That would be cool beans, fams. Can I smack a map of Xadia and release a spell like Luz Noceda does? Because ngl that is my first instinct here.

Lujanne has got to be missing some grandkids to spoil, right? The way she's always whipping out cake and ice cream for Callum, and she's so grandma-ish about it. Headcanon about her being Runaan's mom aside, she is canonically lonely and she's very sweet to Allen and Ellis and I think she's missing whatever family she once had in the past. She may never get to have that family back, so she's finding a new one among the humans who live nearby, and I think that's sweet. Found family isn't just for the young.

But Ellis is straight up gonna be her fave, I bet, because she didn't turn up her nose at Lujanne's illusion food!

Ezran and Bait have a lot more to their relationship than was visible in the show, and I'm so excited by it! Ez can tell by looking at Bait's colors that he's not truly jealous of Zym, even if he's really grumpy about the dragonling taking up his favorite human's time.

And Ez thinking a lot about his dad and the things he's taught him. They're soft leadership material, and I love that so much! "Pick your battles" and the importance of encouragement. Ahh, my heart. Ezran, you're going to be such a good king.

But wait a second: both times that Bait gets extra grumpy in Zym's first training session, Ezran has just mentioned something about flying. Guys, I think Bait wishes he could fly, really badly. And that's his biggest problem with Zym, and with Ezran teaching Zym to fly, instead of Bait who doesn't have wings so. Bait is so old that his secrets have secrets, and I'm really curious how flying fits into them now!

Rayla, Dramatic Assassin: "I need to patrol for dark forces." That's what Lujanne called the source of the purple wisps that found them. I wonder if that's an official term all Moonshadows know, or if Rayla is just taking her cue from a veteran Moon mage. And I wonder how far Rayla is falling into the apparent pattern of "one mage, one assassin", since she does spend a lot of her time patrolling without being asked.

When Callum tells Lujanne that he was bad at prince stuff, and she asks if he didn't give up and got good at those things anyway, it's an opportunity for Callum to embrace subverting his parents' expectations in favor of seeking his own path, which is a primary theme of the show. But Lujanne is a couple generations older than Callum, at the very least, and I have to wonder what her upbringing was like. Is her version of success the one she took? Was she bad at magic once too, but she persisted? She is very soft and doesn't want to kill anyone.

Maybe Lujanne had dreams of doing something else with her life, but she felt she had to pursue the destiny that others handed to her, so she studied magic as hard as she could, and she did get good at it, but using it to defend Xadia from humans is not what she wanted to do with her life. Whether there's a parallel between her and Ethari on that point, there's one between Callum and Ethari, I think. How much of your life are you willing to let others direct for you?

LISTEN I WAS DYING AT THE EAR BREAD SCENE OKAY

This is my new favorite Soren and Claudia moment ever. Soren loves him his bread, okay. Even as earplugs for Claudia's sleep ocarina tune. The fact that it's "super effective" makes me think of a Pokemon defense. The fact that he learned it at camp, where he also learned about Moonshadow Madness, is hilarious. Later on, Corvus doesn't know Soren by name, but I still love the idea of Corvus being a kind of Strider-esque camp instructor, filling the ears of his young charges with all kinds of useful tactics like ear bread for magic spell songs (which actually seemed to work as intended), and warnings about the enemy elves' blood-themed tactics (which may or may not come back around in BH)

I thought they were gonna go in a kind of deep direction when Soren still wanted his ear bread back, but then he just. Eats them. Just noms them. I love this kid. Give Soren all the bread!

[biancablack2474]

DO NOT READ DO NOT READ DO NOT READ. I'M EVEN GONNA ADD A GIF AS A BARRIER LIKE DO NOT READ THIS YET. Look at Tom's back muscles like DAYUM.

OK ONTO THE LOVING PART.

Bianca. Binaca. Bicancan. Bainca. Bicon. I consider you one of my closest friends and it took like mere days to do that. Like, I finally started talking in the gc and then you talked to me and it was like an instant fit. There's just something about the both of us that just understands and so we can make each other cry laughing and I love that.

You're caring and kind but it's like kinda reading through the lines of humor you send. You have your moments where you can be serious but you're like me and don't let a moment last too long before your humor is coming out to "ruin" the moment. Idk just having a moment can't last too long cuz then I'll like start crying or get too feelsy so i have to buffer it with humor 😂 idk if that's why you do it but... even through your humor i can tell you care and that's all that matters 💜

Ok i regret picking that fucking gif because it is DISTRACTING to say the least!!!!!!!!

Also, you're the best in-in law i've ever had. I've never had one at all but if I ever do....even if they don't necessarily exist, you're always gonna be my favorite. Can i call you grandpa, or should it be....inpa, ininpa hehehe inpainpa ok these are getting out of hand MOVING ON.

I'm too shy to say cute shit in person but like you're very pretty and have the most adorable laugh. When you made your best man speech you legit sounded a bit nervous and that made me go AWWWWWWWWWE on the inside and then i remembered what was happening and became nervous again 😂 but hearing you just as nervous calmed for a bit if only to think of how cute you are lmao YOU ARE CUTE. DON'T LET NOBODY TELL YOU OTHERWISE. THEY SAY YOU AREN'T AND I'LL MAKE THEM SWALLOW MY FUCKING FIST THEN I WILL REACH MY OTHER HAND UP THEIR ASS AND CONNECT MY HANDS AND USE THEIR BODY AS A FUCKING JUMP ROPE. 😤

But this message isn't about how I'll brutally murder people who make you sad so, I love you.

Also, i love that we have taken the Loki motto and made it our own "i love you" thing. With that being said....

For all time? 💜

P.S. I feel like this was less feelsy and more humor im sorry when i talk or think of you my chaotic humor comes out i can't help it 😫

AHAHA OMG I LOVE THIS SO MUCH😂😂 I freaked out thinking of gonna be Extra Feelsy — but the chaos balanced it out almost perfectly (I say almost because I maybe might have treated up 🤏🏼 much)

^^ in response to the gif

I've honestly never gotten close to a person faster than than I've gotten close to you 🥺 even irl! YOU'RE CARING AND KIND YOU LITERAL ANGEL! You sound like one too darlin'

Idk just having a moment can't last too long cuz then I'll like start crying or get too feelsy so i have to buffer it with humor 😂 idk if that's why you do it but...

I got you girl 😭 this is EXACTLY why I do it too! Like I don't mind cuddles or "physical forms of affection" but words are sometimes a bit too overwhelming for me😂 We DO just understand!

Inpainpa sounds perfect omg😭😂 you can call me that, I GIVE MY FULL APPROVAL! WE WILL BE THE ONLY IN-IN-LAWS IN THE WORLD MWAHHAHAHHA

Again please refer to the GIF I put because 🥺🥺🥺🤭 AHHHH! You're very pretty too! And you're like THE Most Chaotic Angel ever!!!!!

I WAS very nervous and my brother had also just walked into the room so I freaked out some more and I forgot my entire best man speech😭

⚠️

THEY SAY YOU AREN'T AND I'LL MAKE THEM SWALLOW MY FUCKING FIST THEN I WILL REACH MY OTHER HAND UP THEIR ASS AND CONNECT MY HANDS AND USE THEIR BODY AS A FUCKING JUMP ROPE. 😤

Honestly— this is why I love you👏🏼👏🏼 PERFECT! THE CREATIVITY *chef's kiss* Who would've thought of connecting the hands 👌🏼⚠️

Making the Loki thing our "I love you" was the best thing we ever did and it wasn't even planned 😌

For all time? 💜

Always💓

THANK YOU FOR THE CHAOS! I LOVE IT😭 It was still feelsy tho 🥺

[sezja]

Previously: CALL ME, DATE ME, KISS ME, WANT ME, MISS ME

I decided to tweak today's prompt a little bit for feelsy reasons.

NEED ME : The first time Guydelot realized Sanson needed him.

The journal makes for better reading than Guydelot expected: it's a glimpse at Sanson's thoughts, the way his mind works - pages and pages and pages of notes on song, from the heart of a man who truly loves it. In the sweltering crush of the airship's engine compartment, tucked safely out of sight, Guydelot pores over the pages with a hunger he barely recognizes; there's notes about him in here. Notes about his songs, his actions, his choices.

'I begin to realize,' he reads, again; he's read this entry a dozen times. 'I begin to realize I need not only a bard of his calibre to realize my goals, but the man himself.'

He traces the words with his fingertips, dizzy from far more than the heat of the engine compartment. Written sometime in Tailfeather, no doubt, before Guydelot had stormed off in a wounded huff; those entries, written later, were notes on apologies Sanson meant to make, explanations, attempts at wording and rewording what he meant to say so as to avoid further arguments. But it's this entry he finds himself reading, again and again.

'I no longer need just any willing bard: I need Guydelot.'

The airship lands, rattling him from his thoughts. Well, it's now or never, isn't it? But he hesitates, listening to the sounds of the airship's passengers disembarking - if he's misunderstood this, if he's wrong... well, hells, he's part of this quest, isn't he? He's helped get them this far, hasn't he? So he deserves to see the end of it.

Besides...

'I need Guydelot.'

His grip on the journal tightens. Right. Someone's gotta take a leap of faith here, and it's not gonna be Sanson the Stiff, is it?

NEED ME : The first time Sanson realized Guydelot needed him. (Mild nsfw.)

Covered in bruises and scrapes as he is, no part of Sanson is more wounded from his time as a hostage than his pride - he cannot decide what stings more: that he was tricked and captured in the first place, or that Guydelot feels it's necessary to be so careful with him. They're only bruises; he isn't made of glass. Guydelot's touch is so gentle as to be infuriating, all but insulting. Sanson wants... not rough, not precisely, but he'd like the memory of his capture, his captivity, driven from his mind by-

He arches; Guydelot's wandering hands have found something tender that isn't a bruise. "Guydelot-" "Shh." The bard's lips against his neck, sweet and agonizingly gentle, never mind how Sanson squirms. He does not want to lie back and be spoiled; he wants to pretend for the space of one night that the past two weeks never happened - that they simply returned from the mission, uneventful but successful, and are celebrating that success. He does not want this to be about reassuring him of... of safety, of strength, of whatever this is meant to prove.

The frustration is its own spice, though, undeniably. Infuriatingly.

Guydelot kisses his neck again, then the hollow of his throat, teasing a sound of unwilling pleasure out of Sanson. Then, abruptly, Guydelot rests his ear against Sanson's heart, and simply... stays there a moment, breathing hard.

It's another long moment before Sanson realizes Guydelot is weeping.

Sobs rattle the man as he trembles on Sanson's chest, tears falling hot against Sanson's skin. Has he ever seen Guydelot cry? No, nor did he ever expect to, not without the prompting of some great tragedy; Guydelot has always seemed impossible to shake. Belatedly, Sanson wraps his arms around his lover, threading his fingers through Guydelot's hair with one hand, rubbing his back with the other.

This was never about soothing Sanson's nerves, he realizes.

It had not dawned on him until this precise moment just how hard his abduction has been on Guydelot.

"Shhh," he manages, his own eyes stinging. "I'm right here."

[datingdonovan]

I hope the thing about the mbti personality and why the relationship ends are still open!

I'm INTP and all my relationship ended because of my insecurities of my personality and body (I'm a bit chubby...)

Thank u very much if you do it and merry Christmas!! ^^

a/n: omg these were actually closed but you were miraculously the only person to request after the deadline so let's do it :)!! I hope you enjoy and have a very merry Christmas as well!!! p.s. im sure you are amazing :) ive found that so often we're our biggest critics when really very few people are noticing the things about us that we have glaring insecurities about!

ok ok ok so I know you've been hesitant to start dating again after the last few times, but I swear I've got somebody you might like. this is such a funny thing to say, but I met him because he was teaching one of my pe classes? I guess he has to volunteer as part of some club or maybe a class he's taking or something??? I have no clue, I barely know the guy. anyway, his name's... iwaizumi

ok so whatever the reason he's doing this phys ed teaching thing, like he is REALLY good at it. I swear he's so so sweet and understanding with people like don't get me wrong he's a really intense teacher and pushes us so HARD but like, he totally knows everyone's limits and knows how to get people out of their comfort zones in a way that's not too aggressive?? I for one am terrible at doing the different poses omg but like, he's so gentle when he corrects you and his goal is never to make you feel bad about not doing it right, it's to help you in whatever way he can. truly this guy kinda has the patience of a saint and is so kind to every body, which is really funny because you wouldn't initially expect it. I feel like he can come across as super gruff, and he has some friends in the class who seem like they're taking it just to goof off and make his job harder hahhahaa and with them he has a SUPER short fuse haha :) but with everyone else he's such a good calm teacher who like, seems very serious about what he does despite the fact that this is literally a pe class we have to take to graduate hahaha. yeah I get this sense that since he has this tough exterior he wouldn't be phased by much even if you were a little bit bad at feelings or communication, and honestly he might act out of turn sometimes too like he does with his friends hahaha but on the whole he seems really very chill and like, he probably doesn't want to have drama in the relationship like I feel like you two could be really honest with each other and not worry too much about if it hurt to hear something, because the goal is always to just be better together :) I feel like he's really very supportive in his own quiet, kinda stern way, maybe not the most typical doting boyfriend hahaha but he's extremely aware of what people need and he really seems devoted to helping them achieve their goals, and I just think he would be so supportive of YOU and totally encourage you always to love yourself and be confident. omg he would also LOVE you I mean are you kidding he would think you're so smart and snarky and fun!! I feel like he would be so in awe of your quippy energy omg!! and I feel like the fact that you're both sort of on the quieter, more reserved, maybe a little less feelsy side would make you this intense cool couple that like, is sort of a mystery to everyone else like you'd both be so attractive and cool and you'd also get up to some wacky shenanigans but the two of you together at home on the couch is like, so chill and intimate in a totally different way that no one sees. ugh literally everyone is swooning over his muscles in this phys ed class but I can just see him only having eyes for you, covering you in kisses omggg... I swear. before the end of the term, im gonna try to get his number for you... but. like, in the least awkward way possible

[lizacstuff]

I'm sure others will ask this but what are you thoughts on the episode of SCK?? I love your in-depth analysis lol. I personally loved it!!! Also can I just say that the edser/hanker chemistry is off the charts lol. If this was the first episode I watched ever, without subtitles, their scenes would be a giant neon sign that says "THESE CHARACTERS ARE MADLY IN LOVE!!!". Eda was beyond cute/in love/adorable in this episode with serkan, girl has got it bad and I wish she didn't have her stupid grandmother and these insecurities in the way ahhh. I really love the Ayfer/Aydan duo, they're fun when they're together and Ayfer wasn't annoying like the last few EPs. Also, Balca can go choke lol, I'm so glad Serkan didn't fall for her trap for him to stay over!! He was like nah come to the party (my girl is waiting!!!). Was serkan about to tell Eda that he had to stop by her house? He seemed really nervous. ANYWAYS, I love EdSer and am going to go watch their scenes 1000x before next week 😭🥰

Thank you! I love Edser too!!!!  Like you, I enjoyed this episode, though it was despite some of the narrative issues (that I posted about here.) There were good, meaty Edser scenes, which is why I watch this show. Once again I'll start with the non-Eda/Serkan thoughts and then get to the feelsy stuff at the end.

Babaanne's introduction did not disappoint. The actress has the right energy for the role. I guess we now know why Eda has been adamant about cutting her out of her life, Babaanne is next level controlling and vindictive. We'll have to see how she develops and what her endgame motives are. Does she want her revenge more than she wants her granddaughter and daughter in her life? Or does she think if she wins and arranges everything including an advantageous marriage for Eda, Eda will eventually go along and decide it's awesome and reconciliation will come about that way? *evil laugh* She doesn’t know her granddaughter at all if she thinks that’s a possibility. 

(more under the cut)

I enjoyed her non-Balca scenes, especially when she was going toe-to-toe with Eda. That scene in Serkan's old upstairs office was intense, both actresses really brought it and kudos to Eda staying true to her defiant character. No one pushes her around. Prepare yourselves to see her waver a bit, I'm sure it's quite jarring to see your loved one in jail and know that he's there because of you, but she'll get to the point of fighting beside him. I have no doubt.

It was nice to see Ayfer protecting Aydan and Seyfi, it made for some great comedy and it was a good change after all of Ayfer's annoying, unrelenting negativity in general and about the Bolats. We'll see what happens between the two now that they appear to be vying for Chef Alexander's attention. Nesilhan just cracks me up when she's portraying Aydan play acting, the stilted voice she takes on is always hilarious to me, like when Ayfer was introducing "Aisun" to Serkan.  As we move forward, though, I want to see some badass Aydan. She  was introduced to us as a force of nature, so I hope we see that woman, a woman who will go to the mat for her son and Eda, emerge at some point. No hiding from Babaanne long term. Everyone needs to gear up to fight!

Peril and Engin got married! Their scene at home was really well done and gave me a bit better insight into them and why they might work. The only thing I was disappointed about here was that Serkan was not their witness. He counts them as some of his only friends and they didn't call him? Come on, show!  They could have easily structured the ep to have him get the call while there was chaos at his loft that morning and it would have been the perfect excuse for him to grab Eda and head to the wedding leaving the moms and Babaane to Chef Alexander.  It wouldn't have changed anything about the episode because Eda still could have gone to do her thing after the wedding and everything else would have been the same, except it all would have had a bit more heart. Missed opportunity there. 

I've decided that Ferit is a catch. At the beginning of the show he was just so naïve, that he seemed foolish, but he's really turned into a sweet, upstanding man. You hold on to him, Ceren. The irony in his relationship with Serkan is just outstanding to me, because ALL of this started because Serkan was willing to upend his own life (and Selin, Ferit and Eda's) will the sole goal of keeping Ferit out of his business, and now here we are 24 episodes later, Selin is long gone, Eda is the love of his life, and Ferit has turned into a solid, trust-worthy business partner and friend who is putting Babaanne in her place on the first day. Love to see it. 

Balca, that snake just gets more unhinged as we go along. Good GAWD. WTF is wrong with her? Her eventual comeuppance better be big. I'm really to the point that I can't enjoy any scene that she's in, it's just too maddening, because neither Serkan nor Eda are taking her seriously enough. Which I realize they don't know what we know, but dang I hope Serkan is finally connecting the dots because her behavior is not normal. As Eda says, who gives a gift like that to their boss? Who calls their new boss instead of the police when there's an intruder in the house?  By now he should be able to figure out she's manipulating him.  

Also how was she not daunted when she called and Eda was there?  What did she think would happen when he came to get the gift when he had Eda to get home to? On top of everything else she's shameless and delusional.  As for the gift, that was creepy AF. Did she seriously think that her boss, who she's known a week, would be romanced by that?  Or any man for that matter? Did Selin give her the impression he was so arrogant that this would be the perfect thing for him? As much as I want less of her on screen, I would like to know the thought process behind that embarrassing monstrosity. Because it was not a savvy move. But the good news is that no one was more creeped out by it than Serkan Bolat. It seemed to really unsettle him, which it should. It was nice to see Eda getting over her jealousy, perhaps that came with her decision to try and move forward. Before she was in this state of flux, deep-down wanting Serkan to be hers, but not being able to admit that and feeling an outside threat during that confusion. 

I saw some criticism of Eda because she was openly mocking and dismissive of Balca. However, while I agree her behavior was a tad immature at times... Balca was totally asking for it.  She's been at the company for mere days and her weird, manipulative, obsessive behavior is totally inappropriate. Also if she didn't take a hint from Eda opening mocking her, Eda picking out her gift from Serkan, Serkan deferring queries about his NYE plans to Eda, Eda being at his house when Balca called, I think we can safely say that Balca in unaffected by any of Eda's behavior, thus Eda isn't hurting anyone. While Balca is over here, claws out, trying to start a war. Balca is the villain here, not Eda for recognizing and making fun of it.

Despite the emotional inconsistencies between Eda and Serkan in this episode, during one scene they were hot, the next, one or the other was cold without rhyme or reason, there were many great conversations. I really enjoyed their conference room scenes in particular. Serkan confident and calming her down, Eda being enraged by Babaanne, but listening to him and letting him calm her down. 

His little Eda Bolat coffee cup gag was priceless, he did succeed in both diverting her and flirting with her in one suave move. Also a nice bit of foreshadowing there, which there was a lot of this episode. Not just this and the bouquet catch, but also every single one of their domestic scenes. 

As I said in this post, the rewrite, or whatever happened this episode, did cause some pretty big emotional inconsistencies from scene to scene. I know most people loved the scenes when Eda went to find Serkan, but it was a little whiplashy for me.  We go from Serkan being calm and collected and happily flirting with her about being Eda Bolat at the office, to a short time later him being moody and standoffish with her at his house? It's understandable that he would be upset at her suggestion that she leave the company, but I would think the man that broke her heart for her own good, would understand why she might think of  leaving in order to get rid of someone who is threatening him! 

It just felt like a weird time for him to hit his threshold with her, especially since this was when they were supposed to be heading to Paris (huge writing fail that there was no "Oh I guess we have to postpone Paris" throwaway line).  However, perhaps that was accelerated for him in the face of a real threat?  Like if it was just another day he's fine with her waffling and their little contract game, but he feels in his bones that this is go time and he needs to find out if she's ready for what's coming?  (Look at me finding reasons for the inconsistencies as I answer this ask, lmao).

Then the shaving scene was interesting. She starts by saying "Leaving was a dumb idea, I'm still here, I'll be by your side," which YAY and seems to me to be a huge step forward for her.... but then he doesn't feel it. Why exactly, didn't he feel it?  So then she transitions to the biggest head scratcher of the episode for me, and I really hope it's a translation fail. She basically references the movie they saw and says,  "If I could erase all memories of you, I would." Um... what? Is she really saying to him she wishes they never met? I sure hope there was some modifier in there, like "bad" memories only or something. It seemed way harsh and inconsistent with their feelings for one another. However, once he starts talking about being a machine before meeting her and his heart being too heavy without her, the dialogue is pretty great. He really bares his soul and she reciprocates with intimacy.  The second half of this scene is absolutely lovely. 

The visit to Aydan's house was interesting.  At some point I'm gonna need Aydan and especially Ayfer to step up when it comes to Babaanne.  Ayfer ran scared the whole episode and it's just not fair of her to leave the burden on Eda. Hopefully, she'll get there. There was a reason Babaanne told Eda not to tell Ayfer about the threats, and threatened harm to Serkan and family if she did so. I'm guessing Ayfer may be better equipped to deal with her mother than was suggested in this episode. The conversation about Eda running from her grandmother as a child and losing the bracelet was very affecting and well done, and thankfully Serkan was out of his sulky mood and in full-on supportive boyfriend mode. Phew, good to have you back, Serkan.

That throne Babaanne brought in was something else. Worth a good laugh. However, I feel like it highlights a few cracks we've already started to see in Babaanne's scary façade. First, there's the one I just talked about, with Babaanne not wanting Ayfer to know what she's up to, so we now know who might be successful in opposing her or might know things that could shut her down.. her daughter. Then this ridiculous throne move had to be her way of unsettling everyone, but as we see that fails with Serkan. He's pretty unflappable when it comes to her nonsense antics. 

Then Babaanne singles out Balca as her ally, which on one hand, it was astute of her to figure out who was the outsider, ripe for the picking, but she straight up choose the wack job, who let's face it, is not going to be all that competent of a foot soldier for her, because she has no allies and she's not in anyone's confidence. Plus she made that critical error with the present being so off-putting to Serkan. Balca might be able to cause problems, but she can’t get Serkan to transfer his affection for Eda onto her, so her usefulness here is limited. Babanne needed to try and fool someone like Melo, Ferit or Leyla. Prey on the nice ones who might try to be accommodating just so everyone gets along. 

Anyway, I loved the Edser scenes in the office, he brought her lemon water! My heart.  And I loved the meeting with the inner circle. Serkan has a plan! Of course our boy does, he wouldn't be Serkan Bolat if he didn't. It's always fun to see how much they all trust him to lead them through these tough times. He will once again emerge victorious. It just may take some time on this one

Note Blaca wasn't invited to that meeting, someone already can sense she can't be trusted. In the meeting later with Babaanne, I loved how Eda was sitting next to Serkan at the head of the table, totally squared off against her grandmother. That blocking was not by accident. It showed them facing her. On the same side. Together. United. That's what we call foreshadowing and that's how they're ultimately going to defeat her. Together. 

It's interesting to me that earlier in the day when Eda tells him maybe she should leave the company he gets upset, but when she shows up at his house and straight up says they can't be together, he's completely calm and is his normal confident self, talking her into staying the night with his usual ease. I'm thinking her manic rambling about him getting tired of her and her grandmother separating them was just too obvious of an emotional spiral after an exhausting day (that lasted 47 years and multiple wardrobe changes) so he didn't take any of it to heart.

As for the reason she needed a place to stay, WTF is Ayfer doing letting Babaanne stay in their home??  Kick her out for the love of God. I don't mind, since it gave us this fabulous sleepover, but come on woman, at one time you were strong enough to remove your niece from her which could not have been easy, where is your backbone now? Find it. Fast. 

LOVED LOVED LOVED every second of domestic Edser. How cute are they? Serkan wheeling her dinosaur suitcase was so adorable. And how cute is it that he bought hot chocolate for her? And THEN, THEN when they went to look at the stars? My heart melted clean out of my chest when he said, "I'm already looking at the most beautiful star."  Remember in 13 when he asked her, "How are you real?" and she basically told him to be careful or she'd get spoiled and expect that kind of romance all the time? Well apparently the romantic robot has an endless capacity to generate heart-stopping one-liners so she really needn't have worried. 

Eda's phone call with the girls was another whiplash moment for me. So wait... all episode her trepidation has been around her grandmother interfering or Serkan getting tired of her, but now she's back to wondering if he can change? Ne? And she isn't articulating what she wants him to change, or talking to him about change at all, only asking her friends if they think it's possible?? The change thing made perfect sense to me in eps 20-22, because she was coming off of his lie that broke her heart, but now I can't figure out what she wants from him. I think this is another casualty of whatever writing changes happened in this episode. I really hope the writers pull it together and figure out what the character's headspace is and stick with it. It's one thing to yo-yo from episode to episode, but to yo-yo scene to scene is too much. 

I know that they're trying to create suspense for whether she would meet him to ring in the New Year, and start fresh, but there are much more elegant ways to do this than constant retread conversations that don't make sense in context with the scenes that came before. Honestly, this episode had a LOT of wonderful scenes and humor and heartfelt moments, but it also felt like a franken-episode,  like if different writers were assigned different scenes and then they assembled the episode without going back to smooth out the tone and emotions.

That leads us to Serkan discovering Eda in the bath. What do we think was going through his mind there? lmao. He looked exceptionally pleased and he did the jokey flirty thing, taking a mental picture, but then when she comes downstairs in her jammies, he has gone into stone-cold work robot mode. I suppose the best I can guess is that he knew she was confused, he knew he had convinced her to stay under the guise it would be platonic and the "last time." 

He's always been a gentleman with her. So perhaps he felt compelled, for her sake, to keep it in that place, but seeing her in the bath send him into overdrive and the only thing he could do is throw himself into work to make sure the situation didn't go any further before she was fully ready? That's my best attempt at explaining it.  Still she was flirting hardcore with him when she came downstairs, it feels like that was the moment he's been waiting for since episode 19, and he let it sail by.  Ah well, at some point soon both their engines will be revving at the same time and we’ll finally get to the sexy times. 

The next morning was 100% adorable. Serkan Bolat serving breakfast in bed. I swoon!  What a sweetheart, because I'm pretty certain that Serkan does NOT like crumbs in his bed so this was a big gesture. And you could see how much she appreciated it, despite teasing him about the portion size. Eda, that breakfast would have been just fine by me, but if the girl has a big appetite, so be it.

Also, Edacim, it would be a lot easier to buy your "confusion" if you hadn't brought him a heartfelt gift that would have taken a good while, like weeks, to procure and then sketched in it for him!!!!  She had to have been planning that for some time.  Anyway, a very sweet gift and one of those moments where actions speak louder than words. We all want to hear Eda say the words "I Love You," but she just said it very loudly here in the form of this gift. Even if she wasn't fully aware she was saying it. It's obvious where her heart is, she just has to give herself permission to follow it.

This ep also brought the funny when half the cast of characters barged in on Edser’s little love nest. Good for both Eda and Serkan for refusing to be a part of the subterfuge for Babaanne. I'm hopeful we're going into a secret relationship/engagement storyline, but at this point I like that neither were cowing to her. Eda is an adult and it's nobody's business but her own where she stays the night! 

It cracks me up that Eda and Serkan were discombobulated by the intrusion, had the silent #married conversation, and headed upstairs together. Mostly because they are the two in the dark, what are they going to figure out by going upstairs alone? What they really needed was to talk to any of the other people to find out what in the hell was happening. Not that I blame them for wanting to escape that scene together. However, what was beautiful was their connection in these scenes. They were functioning as partners, as each other's person, as the one each turns to when they need support (or escape).  And that's really saying something since they were in a room full of the people they're both closest too.

Finally, I'm glad they spoiled the final scene in the fragman, because I would have been too stressed watching Balca's psychotic efforts in keeping Serkan away from the party, and Eda, if I hadn't known he would make it.  As it was, it  was too much to watch. They've done absolutely nothing to make her even a little sympathetic. I feel zero empathy for her, I don't understand why she's willing to take these risks. No man is worth it, girl! Especially not a man you just decided you wanted because of his initials!  The character needs to serve her purpose and go. Soon.

As for Serkan making it in time, THANK GOODNESS. I don't think Eda could have handled being stood up again. Even taking her call was a mistake. That's why we have voicemail, Serkan. And clearly he should have called the police on his way. I sincerely hope that he finds out the break-in was a fake and that's what makes him realize what level of crazy he's dealing with. I assume, because he didn't know what else to do, he left Balca in his home and that's what he wanted to tell Eda right before the police arrived. I shudder to think what damage she might do there alone. Installing a hidden mic or camera for Babaanne? Going through his things? Planting more items. Ew. If that spec is right the place will need to be fumigated.  

Serkan's gift was, of course, perfection. Talk about love in gift form, and did you notice that one of the charms was an "E" and one was an "S"? A sweet, heart-felt detail and a nice little nod to which initials really matter on this show.  Interestingly, after a full episode of inner turmoil, once Serkan arrived, Eda seemed to be all-in. She was bubbly and happy to see him and definitely acting like he was her date. And then the hug! Finally! They've obviously been physically close in recent post-break up episodes, for example elevator, pottery, dancing, skating, but what a relief to finally have this pure, intentional display of affection from her to him. Also a cheek kiss! This show, I swear it makes me grateful for the most chaste of moments.

As I said in another ask, I think the, "Will you be my girlfriend?" was in Serkan's head. We didn't see him say it, she didn't respond and the audio was hollow like it was a thought or memory or dream. However, what I can't answer is why we heard that. Why put it in there? We know he wants them to get back together, so that line doesn't inform the audience of anything they don't already know. So maybe proposal foreshadowing?  On the other hand, there is the line earlier in the episode that was voice over added after the fact (when Edser are in the small conf room and Serkan says he’s going home) so maybe they added the audio after the scene for some reason? I don’t know with this episode anything is possible. 

Then, of course, Babaanne ruins their moment with her evil plan. Next episode will she be sitting on her throne stroking a hairless cat Because it feel like Babaanne may like a bit of evil aura to surround her. Anyway, next stop... jail! I'm honestly excited to see how the next ep plays out. We're going to go through some things, so prepare your soul, but I honestly think we may end the ep in a better place. (new cliffhanger notwithstanding) We shall see. 

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

hi em!! i'm the enfp anon from the other day (thank u btw!!!) and i was wondering if you could help me a little with my ennea typing as well? i'm pretty sure my tritype is 471/741 i just don't quite know if my main fix 4 or 7? i know it probably sounds real dumb, since those two types are so different from one another and some other people have suggested i look at the core fears and how they behave which ofc i've already done, but i'm still sort of at a loss :( (1/4)

on one hand i seem quite bubbly to people and scatter brained and try not to talk to people i'm uncomfortable with about feelings, because i wanna avoid them seeing me sad. which leads to some of them thinking i'm emotionally shallow, which i??? don't really get??? but i do really dislike that people expect me to be open with them, especially because i'm actually super feelsy and melancholic (mental health issues aside jsknssm) but these things are just.. more personal i guess (2/4)            

i really, really crave emotional depth and immediately shut down from shallow conversation topics. intensity is something i feel i crave on a deeeep level ya know? even the songs i write are about the deepest insecurities, the hardest breakdowns or when i feel at my absolute happiest. if it doesn't stimulate me emotionally and intellectually i'm not really interested (that sounds so harsh dndbnsk) and it's also soooo rare that i feel like connect to someone? i always feel a bit (3/4)            

different? (gosh i hate how that soundss) just like my sadness makes me inherently broken and different? nsjsma i'm literally getting emotional writing this oof but ya i'm VERY sure i'm a gut 1 and that i have 4 and 7 somewhere in there but sjdnsm sigh i guess identity issues kinda screw w your self perception :( i hope (once again) this isn't just a big mess! and thank you again!!! i love checking you blog and really hope you're well!!!                                                                                                                 

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You’re a 4 oh my god this is the most 4 thing I’ve ever read in my entire life I don’t even know where you got the idea you might be a 7 because you’re so incredibly a 4.