#I'm just emotional abt it idk why
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Star wars IS sexy and ep6 was full of intentional and very much sexual - phallic - innuendos, Amandla and Manny being like wtf reading the final draft of ep6 but they still gave it their all and brought us all these amazing scenes between their characters without it being too cringe or cheesy and omg I love them *sobbing*
#the acolyte#oshamir#osha aniseya#osha x qimir#qimir#Qimir x Osha#Oshmir#I'm just emotional abt it idk why#Anyway#RENEW THE ACOLYTE
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same teacher, different lessons
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#sonic the hedgehog#dr. ivo eggman robotnik#miles tails prower#sonic frontiers#SPOILERS. THERE ARE SPOILERS IN THIS COMIC BY THE WAY.#SONIC FRONTIERS SPOILERS#smiles gently I can not believe I let sonic the fuckign hedgehog ruin my life#(I can I totally can)#hi <3 if you follow me because I drew this sonic comic. don't!#don't do it! follow me bc I'm funny and hot and devastatingly smart don't follow me bc I draw sonic stuff. bc it won;t happen again#I mean it. not bc I dont like or want to do sonic stuff. but bc I am literally in the middle of a job rn#one that I want to invest 100% of my time and brain in#this comic is actually an effort to win my brain back so I can do my job lol#because I finished miss penny snapcube's streams of this game and it force fed me emotions#I just! I just thought sonic would come tell eggman abt sage!! idk seems like something he'd do!!!#and also the whole thing abt letting the characters move on and have a future and change and develop#vs Killing My Baby Little Guy Daughter For Like Ten Minutes#thematically interesting! also for some reasons I had. a pretty easy time drawing this#I was mouthbreathing galloping like a horse to finishing this. Because I Need To Work#I didnt expect to have a good time with these designs tho idk why. probably bc I most suck shit at drawing animals#but to be fair yet again sonic and tails are little guys. theyre animal but theyre also like dudes. also sonic's design is kinda perfect#as far as character design goes he's really pretty goo- wait I made a continuity error hol on#okay. okay I fixed it. no problem. no matter 's all good now#okay. I go sleep now. today has been very noisy. but this actually got me through it okay#thank you sonic the hedgehog. that was pretty cool of u#have a good night guys! absolute freedom is probably really really sad#long post
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guys u don't get it i'm unwell
#THE FOURTH PHOTO I'M SICKKKKK#brb crying /pos idk why but this is rlly hitting different#like#as a lesbian of colour these two gettung tgthr and frida being insecure abt their rls#idk its just rlly emotional to me#clone high spoilers#kahlopatra#clone high#ch cleopatra#ch frida kahlo
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#one piece#sanji#black leg sanji#everysanji#fishman island#ch644#i'm actually reading these chapters right now bc i know that fishman island is like.#a metaphor for racism and to some extent isolationism of communities#and how that allows for hatred to grow unchecked and hate is a very unproductive emotion#i dont think the hatred/dislike towards humans is entirely unprompted#i mean obviously we see how fishmen are treated above ground thats what sabaody is about#priming us for fishman island and the conflict here#since hody jones. you can see where his mindset comes from#and why he thinks that way. but at the end of the day he just wants mindless violence against the oppressive class#and that's just going to be unproductive and make things WORSE for EVERYONE#inb4 anyone says anything i am native american and have kinda sat with these feelings a lot#not about to go into my whole complicated feelings abt my own heritage here#that's what random posts on my main blog are for#but i also dont think otohime's idea of trying for peace without any violence was going to work either. not in the climate they were in#like its a very noble idea but at the end of the day... there does need to be some pushback but you have to target it in the right areas#like i think fisher tiger targeting the slave auctions is more of the direct action called for#and obviously people get caught in the crossfire on both sides.#but that is directed violence vs directionless violence ie what hody jones wants#its a bastardization of the cause to create more bloodshed than necessary. you know.#idk where i'm going with this anymore okay i'm gonna go back to queuing more sanjis
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feeling very Devil Wears Prada "florals? for spring? groundbreaking" seeing the "Taylor's album has emotional range!! No other artist could ever!!!"-posts as if that's not also what every other (good) artist is doing, as if conveying bunch of emotions isn't the whole main part of the job
(emotions? in music??? groundbreaking)
#!!! I'm not hating on Taylor !!! I'm hating on swifties (some of them at least; the delusional ones)#like are u sure no other artist could ever. are u _fully_ sure#anyways I listened to it and it was fine; felt like 31 versions of the same song but I can respect that as a stylistic choice#that's just not for me (like she obv knows what she's doing & is good at it))#(like Cigarettes After Sex does that too and no one's giving them shit abt it (probs bc ppl are pretty much only lukewarm towards them#and also the whole ''let's be unreasonably critical abt whatever a woman is doing''-thing))#maybe the range is in the lyrics but I'm more of a ''I want to hear the emotion'' rather than ''I'll look up the lyrics to see what the#emotion of this song is''-type (can't hear lyrics in songs for the life of me without seeing them written out idk why#and that's very much a me-issue; not a ''bad music''-issue)#ttpd#april 2024#2024
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Man if Marcy keeps ending up with like child protection services in all these fics over her parents being slightly distant then my parents should be in JAIL
#idk if I'm wording it correctly but this goes hand in hand with some posts I#I've made abt Marcy's parents not being super great but also not being like...#like i didn't imagine them as outright abusive or deserving of losing custody over her#and people kept reblogging them and tagging them as abuse?? 😭😭#like if THAT is abuse. then what the fuck what up at my house#c'mon! her parents growing to kinda hate her because they couldn't stand her personality and failing to fulfill her emotional needs#while still always making sure she always had her material needs met#and doing their best not to blow up at her#resulting in them always acting mildly annoyed towards her#is not *really* abuse. right? like that's just how pretty much every parent feels tbh#like i've never seen a parent who genuinely likes their kids. every parent i know is either sick of them or morbidly depressed#like wondering why the hell they chose this life for themselves#some parents are just better at being optimistic and focusing on the nice parts than others#but not all have the mental fortitude to smile through the disgust and resentment they feel all the time#which tbh is an inhumane thing to ask from a person. parents are humans too and there's only so much a person can repress#i'm convinced parents like the boonchuys only exist in fiction#i just imagine Marcy's parents as being average parents who just don't always have the patience a kid like Marcy needs#like over here my parents are breaking my assistive devices and spying on me while i'm in the bathroom and I never considered that abuse#i just used to drive them insaneeeee back in the day lol#just like with friends and couples. sometimes parents and their kids aren't meant for each other y'know? and maybe that's just Marcy's case#i do know that's my case#but strangers online are here crying abuse for less#so now i'm like. hehehehe. say what now#personal
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again and again i find myself lamenting that audio roleplay isn't taken more seriously by some people. like yeah, they often have a romantic element, and by nature they usually directly involve/address the listener- and i totally get that those things aren't to everyone's taste. no art or entertainment is universally appealing, and that's okay! but.. it still makes me a lil sad that the "cringe" reputation of asmr/audio rp precedes it. there's a whole lot of talent and creativity being poured into these audios by so many people that i feel goes unrecognized and/or disrespected simply due to the medium that the stories are being told through.
#this post brought to you by: me bingeing Sam & Darlin's entire storyline over the past few days and having a Lot of feelings abt it#asmr#audio roleplay#rp audio stuff#redacted audio#anyways i don't have a conclusion to this post. and i'm not Mad or Upset or anything i'm just thinkin' out loud#and i mean it's not like it doesn't get plenty of praise within its respective audience bc it does. at least for the more popular creators#but i feel it'll still always have the shadow of its cringe reputation looming over it#which makes it hard for some ppl to openly appreciate or share with others that aren't already fans of the medium#like do u know how many comments i've seen along the lines of 'this is great but i'd die if anyone knew i liked this kinda stuff' ?? :(#idk maybe i feel strongly about it bc i'm a self-insert fanfic writer. and i feel like the two have a lot in common. including a bad rep.#like. not every audio will be well-written or produced and neither will every fanfic. but that doesn't mean it's a less legitimate artform#and i'm lucky to have never (yet) received negative comments on my work. but that doesn't mean that it doesn't make me sigh when people-#-say shit like 'this reads like fanfiction' as a way of calling something bad. or other similar sentiments that make the same implication#and i wouldn't be surprised if audio creators feel the same way when they encounter certain comments or statements#like. those YT videos where ppl will 'try bf asmr for the first time' or whatever and it's just 20 mins of cringing and over-reacting? eugh#tbf i haven't watched many bc why do that to myself. so Maybe there's some that are respectful but still. imagine getting roasted like that#and yes yes i know that by posting stuff online you're inadvertently sighing up to be criticized by Anyone but still. man. i dunno#i'm going on a tangent but my point is. i'm grateful for the creators that still make their art in spite of the public's perception of it#bc some of the most impactful emotional experiences i've ever gained from fiction took place in audio rp and i'm so serious abt that.#anyways. this post almost feels like i'm 'making up a person to be mad at' but i promise it's not that serious i'm just yapping. mostly.#certainly not trying to start any kind of debate or anything either i just have a lot of fixation-induced energy and nowhere to put it#this is Eric's fault (/lh) for cooking Sam up in a lab catered exactly to my taste and making Darlin' waaaaay too painfully relatable#but it's also My fault for bingeing the Inversion /and/ the Quinn arc /and/ the Summit all within a couple days. but i can't help myself#feels like i've run an emotional marathon. triathlon. The Emotional Olympics if u will. i'm feeling Everything#who knew that beating the shit out of ur fictional abuser could feel so goddamn cathartic! it's a nice replacement when u can't do it irl#anyways i'm off on a tangent again. thanks for coming to my TED Talk i'm gonna crawl back in my hole now#actually i'm gonna go relisten to a few audios. as Research for my Sam & Darlin' playlist as well as a post i'll be making about it soon#u Know i've got it bad when i not only make a playlist but start Posting on here about the songs that remind me of them. i'm cooked guys.
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Something I really especially love about btas is that every character is just… a human. Batman doesn't just show up and incapacitate 30 people no issue, he has to fight and brawl with just 1 or 2 henchmen. He can be taken out by hits and poisons and such. The rogues have to surrender when the cops get guns to their faces, and can be overpowered even by normal people. Joker isn't some pure evil incarnation of the Devil or whatever, he's just… a really bad man. Same for every other villain and character. And Bruce actually gets to show personality and emotion beyond Brooking and Grunting. He makes jokes and laughs and gets sad.
I'm really getting to understand why people call this the best Batman adaptation.
#my dc posting#batman#btas#batman the animated series#im not done w it and not even watching it in any particular order#but im currently watching Trial and the rogues are just 👌so peak#''could batman beat superman'' my brother in christ what the fuck are you talking about. he mainly fights like regular ass gangsters and sh#t that's not his natural habitat!!!#like idk when reading comics or fanfic its like. they dont feel grounded in reality anymore#but in btas the movement!!! the fucking movement and timing and lack of embellishment or sometimes even ost!!!#like yeah these are just some ppl in costumes duking it out!! goddd this show is so peak why cant everything be like this#im so tired of modern batman. mr 'i show no emotion ever complete control freak beat my kids' is not my guy!!!#also harley fucks so severely. just all the rogues. they are so horrible and toxic and nothing makes me happier than watching them do fucke#shit#yknow???#this show does apparently then later on commit the unforgivable sin of skipping jason todd in favour of tim#just like young justice#so i'm never gonna watch those seasons/shows#bc jason's my robin and i barely tolerate any other. which sucks bc nobody is interested in putting him in one of these cartoons!!!#shut the fuck up abt tv shows and live action adaptations who cares?? i hate actors and irl shit!!! animate my boy nnnNOW!!
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‧₊˚ ☽ ⋅
#also i wanna learn how to just like...#not unload on someone when i'm triggered and emotionally volatile and upset#and im stuck in like this little 12yr old kid's intense and overwhelming and confusing feelings#thats also mostly are rooted in self hatred and low self worth and an inferiority complex and just like yeah so insecure#bc when i say those things it's just a pained agonized scream and all of those things#are just what me skewed with emotional pain is thinking#not what the actual me feels#bc yeah that isnt what i actually mean or want to say#and most of it is also missunderstood bc im not able of delivering it how i mean it#so yeah i just so badly wanna learn how to just wait and hold my tongue#take a step back and take a breath and just think ruminate reflect etc etc and then calm down and feel less crazy#and get out n the other side of that pain induced little space in my head :////#bc i end up saying things that just are not what i mean and are riddled with insecurity and just like not a good or rational place#bc u cant take it back#bc u have already vomited all of these skewed things u've said out of pain and low self worth#i just dont know how to regulate my emotions#and idk what the line between venting and unloading is#but yeah omfg when i do calm down i feel so ashamed of everything i've said and i've also hurt someone and im just like#fuck why did i say that???? what??? and like just bc i feel smth in a moment bc of pain doesnt mean that is the conclusion i'll come to lat#after i've thought abt it and thought abt reality and what is important etc etc#just life FUCKKKK!!!!! i wanna scream im so frustrated w myself but idk how to learn this??? idk how!!! :(((
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I rediscover kpop every 2-3 months and lowkey get emotional every single time
#like... was outro: tear by bts always this incredible? (yes it was)#my fav groups currently are aespa and txt but i started out as a diehard bts and red velvet stan#loved everglow and gidle since debut too#when i tell you i started tearing up when “sweet crazy love” by oec played on shuffle... i miss loona like a mf man#thank god i'm not so crazy about kpop anymore but man#it's so much fun to just listen to all my favs every once in a while and marvel at how good they are#oh omg my biases are yeonjun karina hobi and seulgi (lesbian)#i wanna get into nct's music highkey#mamamoo... taemin... chungha... everglow... gidle... i'm abt to get emotional brb i need to listen to them all#mamamoo bias? wheein OF COURSE#idk why i'm ranting lmao i just luv kpop
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tdov was like a week ago already but I just wanna say when I came over to vacation slash help my sworn brother move flat he told me, "ever since you said you wanted to get top surgery I've been thinking about it. it's straight up number two on my bucket list"
#bakuspeech#number one is a house bc obviously. if u can own a house wouldnt u#he was very drunk at that time of the evening. I was not bc I have the constitution of a hot air balloon and any stimulant will blow me up#(relatively new development. france fucked me up big time turns out)#we held hand on his bed for like the whole evening. it was honestly very funny in hindsight but we were extremely earnest in the moment#and Im like. working on this thing as well. I dont got meds or therapy lmao Im bootstrappin here#but yeah early last year his bf offered to get me meds and I... turned it down... I think I was worried abt like. idk. something#but one year past looking back Im fully like that was a stupid move you shouldve gotten meds. youve once again fucked urself baku#but yeah with that kinda realization Ive also come to realized I've somewhat? accepted. that I'm just gonna be. like this#this in light of a number of likely chronic stuff too (hence my balloon-like constitution lmao) and#that's kinda bled into the rest of me without me really noticing#but him bringing that up fully unprompted... kinda jolted me out of it#its just. really incredibly sweet. that someone doesn't want me to settle for what I make do with#and like. preps for that work. just kinda held my hand and told me it's possible to do this actually#I didn't really express how I felt very well in that moment I think my brain is very bad and I process emotions with like a day of delay#but. well. Im thinking abt it Right Now. so yknow thats the kind of impact that had on me lol#not super sure why I wrote all this down here really. I think I just want a good n nice reminder that object permanence is real#and I exist in my friends' life even when Im going insane in a hole by myself#and with the power of friendship we can alter the universe's plan for ourselves and also kill god#that's that. anyways I eat lunch now and then pass out probably. last night was... eventful lmao#but!! very good things on the horizon hopefully. well manifestly we hold hammers and we use them#have a good day lads. let's go out and slay monsters under a highway
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something i look forward to hopefully exploring in his phel's canon verse is him gaining trust in others and kinda just . . . learning to be a person outside of his duty. we'll see how long that kinda stuff takes but i enjoy exploration like that
#● ☾ ⭑ 𝗠ᵒᵒᶰˡᶤᵍʰᵗ ᵛᶤᵍᶤˡ ( ooc )#// just rambles but yeah that's smth i'm excited to eventually flesh out and like give him friends & support#// since hs he has the group and it honestly makes me eternally happy that universe did that for him#// like him having a genuine friend outside of his sister would kinda just mean so much and be v big imo#// bc it means he's accepting he can have flaws and trust others and just i can't word rn#// i have a lot of emotions abt phel and using this to get out some of my present foul mood with thoughts#// i have plenty of just things i wish for him#// maybe one day he learns love but my biggest wish first is him to learn to be human to be him#// bc i picture he's very reliant on the noctum to avoid the way his heart aches over the lives he takes#// over how he wishes it wasn't him and his sister with this duty sometimes#// i have thoughts#// this got a lot of tags wow#// idk why i like writing thoughts in tags vs post text it's force of habit#// makes my words seem quieter bc i hate taking up space#// but yeah now i'm gonna go lay down and think abt phel being happy#● ☾ ⭑ 𝗠ᵒᵒᶰˡᶤᵍʰᵗ ᵛᶤᵍᶤˡ ( tbd )
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i've been watching todd in the shadows' top 10 best and worst songs of every year from 2014 to 2022 and i gotta say! this really helped me figure out what my issue with pop music in the last few years is (beyond the basic stuff like tiktok encouraging shorter songs or putting all your energy into one line and nothing else etc)
it's that. pop music isn't fun anymore?? or at least like, the truly fun songs, that make you wanna get up and dance, are so so rare and usually get pushed to the side (and those that do succeed get played to oblivion to the point even the artist gets sick of them. see: say so)
it's kinda like the big boom of edm pop music in the early 10s that made so many popular songs sound the same except today it's all the same sounding beats and quiet singing and not a lot of other elements going on for them or making them particularly memorable
and it's making me sad :^( i like pop but currently, at least the mainstream scene, is so barren and uninteresting
#so many fun pop songs in the last few years relied on 70s and 80s sounds and i think that's part of it?#this decade's unique pop sound is sooooo. repetitive. boring. quiet. mellow even#it IS more emotional which imo is a good thing but like. not for me bc i like having fun and don't care abt lyrics#idk maybe i'm looking in the wrong places. but i will say this is why i listen to kpop or indie pop more now for example#if you do have recs for me for some hidden gems absolutely don't hesitate to hmu 🫡#(or even unhidden gems. i'm not as well versed in today's music as i used to be bc it kept disappointing me so i clocked out lol)#also just making sure all my bases are covered: this is just my opinion my taste not some overlapping statement abt all music. obvs
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good morning i am just very slightly worried about prom <3
#🌙.rambles#no classes today 🥺 gna do my hw for next week tho n then. yes.#I'M WORRIED THOUGH YEAH BCS. hfdsksdjf most of the other ppl r friends or r in the same class#kinda worried i might not enjoy as much bcs. who knows if i'll be able to talk properly or if i might just get nervous instead#n maybe at one point i cld go to one of my other friends too but she's going w a guy n i don't want to intrude ig#n she has her other friends too. my friend at our table yeah has other friends too#i'm worried i might just. not enjoy at all bcs of anxiety or maybe i'll just feel lonely or smth hdkfajsdlf nothing i can do abt that thoug#maybe when i'm anxious i'll just cope by dissociating n just thinking of noctis or claude or smth 😭😭 or artem n write a story in my head#n i'll go out of my comfort zone n use up all my social energy#recently they just announced in our batch gc that we can have yk same couples. wasn't in the ltp or smth tho 🥹#wish i had at least another friend or smth. so maybe it wld've been possible to bring one of my friends from another school ^^#platonically bcs she's like. bi. 🫣 i'm still rather amused at how she. mentioned she was bi when like#i had my arm around her shoulder n she said smth along the lines that it was kinda weird for her bcs she wasn't used to it?? IDK 😭😭#didn't quite catch the rest of her words but sorry girl i'm just naturally affectionate w my friends#n idk why but if you're like. biologically female or actually even just like. yk your gender is female n you identify along those lines#i'm just automatically more comfy w you n physically affectionate.#nyways she told me she doesn't have prom tho when we were talking abt sch we were like talking abt school events n :<<#hmm. yk it's not like i need. someone for prom like. yk i just need myself. but i guess it's a bit of a childish old wish of mine#that said though i'm fine just still rather worried bcs in social situations i just. end up feeling rlly lonely haha#like i was doing well i rmb friday of the fair but then i was bottling my emotions n pretending i was completely okay 👍#definitely wasn't crying when everyone was away <3 n then my anxiety just. god i don't want to think about it#until the end i was just. hanging on to a piece of thread. sorry you saw me cry a bit. sorry i lied that i was fine#sorry i let myself. go through that. twin n friend laying their heads on my shoulder as they were falling asleep n i was just. crying#n then later that night i just ended up crying even more. painful memories.#just have to accept that my social energy's just shit n ppl will always have another that they'd prefer talking with.#i have. apollo at least yh? n i guess to each person i mean at least. something. i think#sorry i'm not usually like this but it's just. smth i just can't help but be anxious about. one of my biggest insecurities#i'm so used to being alone though i've realized. last year wasn't real goddamn. n. 2020 was.. i don't know#ah i'll be productive now. i. move forward from the past n i never forget in a way that it. helps spur me onwards but#sometimes the past haunts me. sometimes is.. perhaps a big understatement bcs i think too much but. uh. yh that's enough i'm fine.
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And maybe the solution kinda is to find a partner - romantic or qp - bc lots of that is stuff partners do for each other, and I am capable of doing the same or similar support for someone else! But having social anxiety and depression, being nb and ace and vaguely aro and overall queer af as well as adhd and autistic and awkward, plus chronic illness....
#also. unless i have a crush on the person first. someone telling me they like me/that I'm cute or asking me out gets like.#a total awkward lack of interest and lack of belief. how can they like me?? *i* like me but what about me do *they* like?????#its weird bc i like my face and my hair and my body. i just dont see why someone i have no emotional connection to would think so xD#idk what kind of aro/ace weirdness that is but yeah.#also theres like. the anxiety that they dont know abt the adhd/autistic/ace/queer side of things so how can they actually like me if#they dont Know those things abt me?? and also can i trust them with that information? are they a safe person bc i dont rlly know them well#either! and i wouldnt want to Not share those things abt me. but would it be Safe?#plus not being able to drive yet i dont want to have to rely on them or my parents or sisters to get ro and from a date yknow???#so like. not right now. but also i need to be in an established relationship by the time my parents leave ny#lol#I'm antisocial but not in the like. 'yeah people suck' kind of way but rather in the 'im depressed and lose interest in exerting energy#for interaction very quickly sorry' kind of way#sigh
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aouuugh my uterus......
#long long day at work codeine wasnt helping with cramps and my meds are less effective on my period :(#ive been doing okay most of the day tho just starting feeling kind of miserable omw home bc such a long wait at the bus stop in pain#and im kind of lonely at the moment but wont be able to climb tomorrow bc of cramps so thats my main social source gone :(#and it always feels worse at home bc if im having a hard time like in physical pain or feeling down my roommate cant rly handle it#like she cant rly be in the room with me the headphones go straight on. which is ok im realising its just how her type of autism works#so im trying not to get as upset at her abt it. with varying degrees of success but it just takes time#i mean i dont get upset AT her like ik its not her fault and i dont want her feeling like it is. I keep it internal + cry once im alone#just different social needs n boundaries innit. we're a bit incompatible is all#but its still hard. I'd like support from other ppl when I'm struggling i mean i think thats a fairly normal thing to want#but of the friends I would be comfortable talking to abt how i feel none of them have that kind of emotional availability#which again is ok like its not on them. and im very capable of dealing w my shit myself one way or another so its not a Need#but idk. it would just be nice. I feel like I've had to be so independent most of my teenage and adult life and I wish I could take a#break from that sometimes. even just a hug would be nice man#sorry i always come on here and talk abt the same problems... well youll see me do it again no doubt abt that 🫠#ughh and i feel so guilty for wanting things ppl cant give even though i know its not really my fault either and im allowed to want things#and i dont cross boundaries or make them feel bad abt it. i really hope i dont anyway. but still ahhh...#its so hard for me to feel connected to anyone if they cant rly engage w me emotionally at all like its a non negotiable#factor into closeness and trust for me and i get so frustrated bc i feel so distant and alienated from the ppl i care abt most#and ik i overreact bc of my rsd so maybe its just that its probably not even a real issue. but its real to me bc im the one who gets upset#man. anyway its okay just a really really long day. im gonna wash my dishes and then shower#and finish my book. maybe i should play some dead cells i miss it. i dont really want to think abt how i feel anymore#maybe ill see if anyones free to hang out tmr evening so i dont have to feel as lonely even if i cant leave the house after work#all good nice to have a plan anyway. done sniffling. my hot water bottle is helping thr cramps a littlr i think#.diaries#oh i dont think its helping actually ow. i took more codeine an hour ago why doesnt it do anything. not fairrr 😭
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