#I'm in SHAMBLES

[doodle-bug-nightmares]

NOAH I HAD TO FUCKING PET MY DOG TO STOP CRYING YOU ASSHOLE I'M GOING TO SHOW UP AT YOUR HOUSE TONIGHT AND TAKE YOUR FINGERS

Uh.... I won't pay for anyones therapy

@knowledge-paradox @almaprincess66 @imobsessedwiththeatre @hamalicious-soup @papers-pamphlet

It has been longer than Jonathan had anticipated since the death of the love of his life. Of his husband.

Jonathan... Jonathan didn't know what he felt. And it brought forth such guilt, a guilt he was not able to handle.

Jonathan usually was able to handle guilt. He could handle the guilt of not marrying Annabelle- who surely has long forgotten him and found a suitable husband- and he could handle the guilt of engaging in the impurest of acts with the purest of men.

Jonathan was no stranger to guilt. This time, though, it was different. This was no guilt he could simply brush under other matters. This time it was far worse.

He had been unable to grieve since he could remember. The first time he had come into contact with this was when his mother, the woman who had proved herself to be his mother despite their lack for blood relation, had died. Then, the family friend who had taken Jonathan in had passed of fever shortly before Jonathan had joined the war.

Jonathan also knew his reactions - or lack thereof - were no average human nature. He knew that far before he had to assist his dear fool to handle the loss of his father and older brother- to think they were once enemies was quite the far away fantasy- and far before he watched his brother in law, Giles, succumb to his grief even after he had expressed a rather lacking amount of emotion. Grief seemed to be what united all of humanity.

All except Jonathan.

He did not know grief, but he knew guilt. He knew the guilt of missing out on a crutial part of how others experience loss. And this guilt was the very same guilt that was tearing at him since he had been seperated from his love. This guilt was slowly picking him apart, tearing every happy memory he shared with his dear fool away from him, since the joy has slowly been concealed with a thick veil of guilt.

The time after he had been empty of any grievous feelings he may have been expected to feel. He had just been so insanely alone. He had contacted neither of his daughters to inform them of their fathers death, why, he couldn't say. He had just not found the time to, he was too consumed in his guilt to even remember he had not informed them.

But this matters not now. They have found out when they arrived the next day with their children- he was a grandfather, he couldn't believe it, he never imagined he could have had grandchildren- to celebrate their now deceased fathers birthday. Jonathan had to tell them and he did so as if he chatted with them about the weather. This has sparked the first bout of guilt.

After that, the second bout had been at his funeral, where he had been asked to give a speech since he was undeniably the closest to Frederick, his Frederick. This had opened the gates and with every day, the guilt intensified. He had been acting as if the love of his life, the reason he was no husband to Annabelle Preston, the only person who he had let very close, never existed. And this sparked an intense amount of guilt that slowly consumed his life.

He had stopped eating and drinking properly. He had not felt he had no right to. Why should an emotionless monster like me eat? he thought. He had also stopped going out of the house. All his friends were dead, his husband was dead, and all he had was the guilt of being the sole survivor. He had not cut his hair, he found himself unable to. This was the hair that has traces of the love of his life in it, he was in no circumstance able to cut the only remainder of his husband off.

Frederick, in his last years, had been working on copying his mothers journal. This copy was still in his office, finished, and yet Jonathan could not pick it up. He also could not bear to let go of his dear fools own journals, especially the one where Frederick wrote about his feelings for Jonathan. This made Jonathan feel human and sane, unlike the times where he was alone and pondered if he truly was human, if he couldn't even feel the feeling that united everyone.

This didn't matter, nothing mattered now. When Jonathan had woken up this late summer day, he knew he would not experience the next sunset. And he felt at peace with this. This endless swallowing guilt would finally find an end and he would finally manage to hold the love of his life in his arms again. His daughters begged to differ. His beautiful girls were desperate to keep him in the realm of living despite Jonathan sincerely wishing to go. Ever since he had broken down coughing- the first time he had exhibited signs of illness at all- they had been caring for him as good as they could, sometimes forcing water or food down his throat so that he wouldn't die of starvation or dehydration. It was quite silly, couldn't they see that Jonathan had nothing more to live for?

His girls were grown up and married away, his dear boy was dead, his brothers in law were dead, he had been surviving for way longer that he should and delaying death made no sense when all he wanted was to get rid of this awful guilt that has been slowly eating away at him. He knew he didn't want to hurt his daughters, but he couldn't delay death much further. He had already evaded him for long enough, he wouldn't want or need to evade him more. He just wanted everything to stop. He wanted to hold his dear boy in his arms again. He wanted to be reunited with his mother. He yearned to see everyone again, but mainly he wanted to stop feeling.

Which is how he found himself here, in his bed, alone, with not much time left to spare, a cold tea and an untouched bowl of soup next to him on his nightstand. He had been too weak to properly do anything for a long time. And honestly, he deserved this. He deserved this for not grieving, for not being able to feel this simple human emotion that united everyone else. He didn't want to delay his fate any further.

As he laid in his misery, he felt a sort of bliss. Soon, everything would be fine. Soon, he would cease to exist. Soon, his suffering loneliness would be over. He impatiently awaited his death. The release from his guilt. He snapped out of his running mind when he faintly heard steps approaching. His hearing isn't what it used to be, and that is something he loathes about his old body. He opened his eyes a little and spied his eldest. He regretted that he would have to leave his beautiful daughters behind, but he is way past the age he anticipated to die.

Neither said something. It was quite hard for Jonathan to use his voice; it has been for weeks. And Katja had no words left to say. She had been talking to him for near every day, the words have slowly run out of meaning. Jonathan didn't mind, he cherished the silent company more than any words their oldest might have spoken.

It is quite strange, how different he was to his husband, even in death. Frederick was nothing without anyone to talk to while Jonathan cherished silence. And still, Frederick always spoke in a way that never made Jonathan tired of it. The opposite was the case, actually. Fredericks words were the only ones he felt were precious enough to chase. And now.... and now they were gone and all they left was the emptiness of Jonathans hand and the guilt in his heart. A guilt that was slowly finding its end together with Jonathans life. And he could not be more grateful for that.

He turned his head slightly to his daughter and, with great effort, managed to smile weakly. He truly isn't the young lad he once was anymore, he noticed. "Je t'aime, Katja" he whispered weakly, his life leaving him further with every word spoken. The woman, not young and yet always young for Jonathan, turned her head to her father, tears in her eyes and about to spill as Jonathan smiled properly for the last time.

He smiled because he loves his daughters. He smiled because he loved his husband, and still does. And, mainly, he smiled because this goddamned guilt would finally find its end. He found his salvation in letting death win the game of endurance they were playing, it was a foolish game, no one can outlive death. Especially not Jonathan, who had been cheating in deaths favor.

He felt his heartbeat come to an end after seven decades, it stopped finally in peace as he exhaled his last breath. Finally, he was free. He heard Katja start to sob next to his bed, but it was faint. And soon everything was soaked in welcoming darkness and cold as he was leaving the plane of the living, walking away from it and towards where his dear boy was.

He was finally free.

[estlsss]

deep inside young rhaenyra is crying screaming throwing up because she got to see a momentary glimpse of something she has always wanted but could never have

[preciouslittle-bhaalbabe]

OK

[anya-chalotra]

“Danielle was in my apartment and told me about a party she was planning where everyone in the cast has to dress up like someone else in the cast. Naturally, she gave me Amita and for the next few days I scrambled to find a way to make that work. A very serious conversation with Freddy comes to mind where he generously offered style advice and thanked God he had gotten Kit. A couple days later, I showed up to Danielle’s apartment only to realize everyone had actually dressed up as me. It was obviously surprising and ridiculous and hilarious, but also it came at a time where I desperately needed something like this. Danielle set up a whole party themed around me because she’s an angel, and all the cast was there and giving love. It’s difficult to put into words what that meant to me at the time, but it was everything.”

[kazsbrecker]

brb suing the hbo tlou writers after the bill and frank episode

[moonstainn]

He didn't like pain

Edit: I wrote a small fic for this

[gallusneve]

Shall we?

[linusbenjamin]

But you know the business and I know the chemistry. I'm thinking maybe you and I could partner up.

[earth-orbit]

literally the type of hug people need to give to our precious boy. vessel, i believe you did your best, remember that you're so loved, sweetheart

[fangsandfeels]

Astarion's reaction to Yenna's kidnapping is...something

At first, it's breathtakingly endearing. In spite of his attempts to look and act uncaring and callous, a kid spends a couple of weeks cooking soup at the camp, and he urges you to save her. He could have said something like:

"Ugh, whatever, might as well kill Gortash because I don't want Orin coming after someone who actually matters after she is done with the girl"

or

"Following a rambling bloodstained fanatic's orders is so unbecoming. We relent and the next day there will be a line of city madmen yelling orders at us. Let's just pay the shapeshifter a visit and give her the duel she wanted a bit earlier, hm? The child is good as dead anyway"

But no. He says that they should get the girl back. And then he basically says it again.

And then it becomes clear that he refers to a very particular case of kids disappearing in this city, the case he had everything to do with, the case that still haunts him...and the realization hits like a train.

[jfkonfucius]

i think you might like this but in season 2 episode 2 when confucius asks jfk on a "playdate", in the spanish dub he straight up asks to go on a date

he

WHAT

[rose-void-789]

Oh but he's still so beautiful

[dragon-spaghetti]

So Full Moon huh.

[soggywetcatgirl]

i hate playing viddy games!!!!! this shit sucks!!!!!!!!

[lokisasgardianleather]

i'm deeply afraid for these babies rn.

[resol-nare]

I've been catching up on The Dragon Prince and GOD. The beginning of season 6 didn't pull any punches did it??? Viren doing a complete U-Turn at the end of 5 and forsaking all dark magic and walking off into the woods to die, only to wake up in 6 alive because Claudia slaughtered and sacrificed the bug elf kid to save him, prompting him to march off to Katolis to turn himself in while his daughter sinks into despair because everyone has left her but Terry, but she's done so much wrong and she's done horrible things, and Rayla cut off her fucking leg, so she pushes Terry away so that he won't leave her first, but he WAITS for her and she comes back and he helps her because he loves her and im-- *gets shot*