#I'm hoping making a post about it will help me make it true haha

[myownwholewildworld]

a man called joel (part 2)

↪ a "a man called otto" inspired fic ― jackson!joel miller x f!reader

series masterlist | AO3 summary: worried about your exchange with joel, you decide to go to tommy's house, see if there's somthing you can do to help. little do you know, it just makes things worse. author's note: hi! tyvm to everyone who has shown some love to this series so far <3 it's taken me a bit but here's part 2! i'm posting it before i change my mind haha. please heed the warnings and if you like what you read, please consider interacting with this post! love you all <3 tags/warnings: 18+, mdni. topics of death/murder and losing a child. dealing with the grief and guilt joel feels about sarah, ellie & tess. suicide attempt. tommy, maria and benji make an appearance. joel being a good uncle but a dick to everyone else. arguments. mean/cruel!joel. there's a suicide letter from joel to tommy. dual pov. reader is female, has hair. no use of y/n. joel is 61 and reader in her 40s. wordcount: ~7.4k. divider by @\saradika-graphics

He was such a failure, he couldn’t even kill himself properly. What a fucking shame of a human being.

After closing the door right in your face, Joel trudged towards the couch in his living room, exhausted, mind still buzzing from the near-death experience. He sighed heavily, eyeing the noose and broken hook on the floor, pieces of plasterboard dotted around the mess where he had laid just a few minutes before.

He should have died. Death had been so close, within reach… At his fingertips. And now felt distant again, like a dream he’d woken up too early from. And despite the heartache, the vision of Sarah silently begging him not to do it, Joel needed to chase that illusion. Yearned for another peaceful moment with his daughter, longed for the moment he would see her again. Alive and young and well. Like no time had passed, like she’d been by his side for the past two decades—his personal guardian angel.

His heart was still mourning the loss, his pipedream gone. Hadn’t thought of God and Heaven in a very long while, his wavering faith lost when Sarah was taken away from him. But now, perhaps, there was a chance that Sarah was waiting for him. Somewhere, somehow—and Joel was determined to find her. Whatever it cost—even his life.

Had you not interrupted, his dream may as well have come true. But the banging on the door and window along with your incessant calls had ended up filtering into his brain. Like a motherfucking, unwanted wake-up call. You’d brought him back when he truly just wanted to die, to reunite with his baby girl. Damn you.

He’d only had to try again. Try harder next time. Because he wasn’t done. Not yet, not until he put an end to his own misery. Joel was determined to finish what he had started, and nothing nor no one could stop him.

Not even you, with your pleading doe eyes. His stomach twisted at the thought of your hand reaching up to his face. How your eyes roved over his neck, worryingly and intensely. How your nose scrunched a little and your lips fell into a pout. How your brows creased with concern for a stranger, an old man you didn’t know. Joel could only hope you hadn’t put the pieces of the picture together.

His heavy sight wandered around the room, his hand palming the wrist where Sarah’s watch rested.

Time.

“Fuck, what’s the time?” Joel mouthed, throat dry and tender, while he stood up.

In the kitchen, the clock on the wall told him he was already late. Ten minutes late to a dinner he hadn’t planned on attending. And now he’d have to go, pretend nothing had happened, because of you.

Joel walked towards the door, his back stiff like a wooden plank. His left knee cracked loudly, and a burning thunder went up his thigh. At the same time, the dull pain on the back of his head shot all the way through his skull, piercing his eyeballs. The sudden sting almost made him lose his footing, feeling dizzy and unsteady. He crouched down a little, his hand grasping the armrest of the couch as Joel fought an unexpected wave of nausea.

The fall had definitely been a bad one. Regrettably, not bad enough to have him killed. Only if he had hit his head a bit harder…

Joel pinched the bridge of his nose, pressing his eyes together while bile rose up his throat, leaving an acidic, bitter taste on his tongue. Groaning, he palmed the nape of his neck and then a bit further up, just to notice how his fingertips became wet. Frowning, Joel squinted one eye open to inspect his fingers.

Blood. Fucking great. Now he’d have to deal with that before going to Tommy’s. And of course, he blamed you. For all of it.

Thirty minutes later, Joel was at his brother’s doorstep, curls damp and nose cold. Rubbing his gloved hands together, he blew some warm air into his cupped palms to heat up his face, mind drifting back to today’s events.

“Joel?”

His eyes focused, travelling up from his boots to the frowning face in front of him. Seemed like his little brother had already spoken and was waiting on his reply.

“Are you gonna come in or are you gonna stay out there in the cold?” Tommy asked with a huff, moving aside to let him in.

“Right. Mind’s somewhere else today,” Joel mumbled an excuse while Tommy closed the door behind him.

“You’re late,” Tommy warned. “Maria ain’t happy, turkey’s going cold.”

Joel hmphed, removing his gloves and then his coat. Hung them on the hook by the door. When he turned around, he almost bumped into Tommy, who was standing too close.

“What’s that?” his brother’s eyes squinted, head tilted.

“What’s what?”

“Your neck. It’s… bruising. The heck have you been doing?” Tommy’s fingers reached up to the neckline of his shirt, pushing it down to have a better look. Just as you had tried to do.

Joel swatted his hand away, huffing dismissively. His skin crawled, the idea of being touched unbearable, even by a friendly hand.

“‘S nothing. Had an accident, that’s all,” he mumbled, sauntering towards the dining room.

“An accident? Did you accidentally put a rope around your neck or what?” Tommy laughed at his own occurrence, palming Joel’s shoulder as he walked besides him.

Internally, Joel flinched—a gesture he didn’t let break through the surface. “I have. I’m tired, brother. I want this to be over. It’s… I feel like my life is slipping away through my fingers. I’ve survived insufferable things, and it just feels wrong now. I’m drained of purpose. I’m tired, so very tired. I need’a rest—lay my head on the pillow and drift away… forever. See my babygirl, hug Tess. God, Tess…” he thought. But those words never escaped his mind, tucked away in the confines of his guilt, of his dread. Of his desperation.

Perhaps he should have spoken then—crack the shell of his feelings open, ask for help. But what had help gotten him so far besides heartache? Besides an overwhelming sense of failure? Speaking to Gail had only made things worse for him, forcing him to paint the picture of a crude reality with a clarity he’d been evading for years. Decades.

But he didn’t speak—wouldn’t burden his brother with his thoughts. Because it wouldn’t make a difference, Joel had made up his mind. No words would change everything he’d done, all the decisions that had led him to Death’s door.

“Benji’s been asking about his uncle the whole day. He’s got two new toys, a couple of miniature dinosaurs. Ellie gave them to him this morning,” Tommy happily chirped away, unaware of the hole he was digging in Joel’s chest. Deep and throbbing like an open, infected wound—a wound that would never heal, that would fester until his heart would rot past mending. Past salvation.

Was Ellie getting rid of everything he’d gifted her? Was she trying to erase the memory of him? Of everything they had shared up until that fateful day?

Joel had found those dinosaur toys in their visit to the Wyoming Museum of Science and History for her sixteenth birthday. Ellie had been so impressed with the life-size sculpture of the Tyrannosaurus Rex in the thick woods of the museum, Joel knew she would appreciate to have those as a memento. She’d been so elated with his gift, those two miniatures had had a special place of on her bedroom’s shelves up until she moved out to the garage.

And now she had gotten rid of them, passed them on to Benji. “At least she’s not thrown them away,” Joel weighed in his mind. Had he found those in the trash… it would have dented his rugged heart even more, that muscle condemned to the forgetfulness of death.

“Uncle!” Benji jumped off the chair, running towards him with his arms extended.

Joel’s whole demeanour shifted, a ray of sunlight slipping through the cracks of his darkness. Benji was a blessing in his life, loved him as his own. His nephew would never fill the hole of his loss but softened the edges of the gaping wound in his chest.

He knelt on the creaking wooden planks, arms outstretched to give Benji a big hug. The little Miller laughed, the sound so full of life, Joel wondered when was the last time he felt so at ease, so problem-free.

“Look! Ellie gave me these!” and then Benji shot off his embrace, skipping towards the table.

Besides an almost empty plate—Benji always had an earlier dinner than the adults and already had a dinosaur-themed pyjamas on—laid the two toys that held a special place in his heart. Benji tiptoed near the table and managed to grab them before he returned to Joel, still kneeling on the floor.

“This one’s my favourite, Uncle. Ellie said it’s a Tydono… I dunno, something-saurus! Big, big dino, he was the king of the jungle! Would eat anyone in his path. And look at this one!” Benji kept on babbling, explaining everything Ellie had told him about the figurines.

Joel listened attentively, a softness tugging at the corners of his mouth. His nephew was recounting the same stories he’d chronicled for Ellie three years ago. A part of him—the one that held to a fragile shard of hope—wanted to believe that Ellie still thought fondly of him, that perhaps she didn’t hate him as much as she’d yelled.

“Benji, it’s bedtime,” Maria chipped in, entering the dining room from the kitchen. “Hi, Joel.”

“Hey,” he greeted back with a nod, eyes going back to the Brachiosaurus toy Benji was still talking about, purposefully ignoring his mom. “I can put him to sleep, read him a bedtime story.”

“Yeah, if you don’t mind. Thanks,” Maria agreed. “But quick, I’m reheating the turkey.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Joel agreed. “Come on, big guy.”

Joel picked Benji up, his knees and lower back loudly protesting when he stood up. Helped his nephew get into bed, read a passage of his favourite children’s book and stealthily walked out of his room when Benji drifted off. He’d enjoyed this bedtime routines with Sarah—but unlike Benji, she would get too excited about the story and ramble about it endlessly. She’d talk so much, she’d tire herself out and fall asleep halfway through a sentence.

With bated breath and an aching heart again, Joel carefully closed the door behind him with a soft click. When he arrived downstairs, Tommy was carving the last of the turkey and setting it down on a plate.

Joel reached for the dish and mumbled a “thank you” before he sat down at the table with his brother and sister-in-law. For a moment, the silence was hefty and thick, like trying to breath through a wall of water.

“Tommy said you have a new neighbour. Don’t scare her away like you did with the last one,” Maria warned him, a mighty brow cocked, looking at him over the fork she held.

Joel huffed, rolling his eyes.

“Agnes was a pain in the ass. Still is. In the span of a week, she knocked my mailbox down twice, and not by mistake,” Joel shook his head in disapproval, stuffing his mouth with the turkey.

“That’s what you said. Both times I checked, your mailbox was still standing,” Tommy butted in, a glitter of joke in his eyes.

“Because I fixed it before you came round,” he hissed, eyes averted, focused on the food.

Had he been looking up, Joel would have caught the hint of worry in Maria’s eyes. How she’d thrown a sideway glance at Tommy when she saw the bruising around his neck. How Tommy had shrugged, downplaying her concern.

Solitude is a silent storm that breaks down all our dead branches.

And the silent storm was brewing with every metal clink of cutlery. A storm Joel had been avoiding, playing ignorant to how things looked on the outside.

“How’s everything with Ellie?” Maria asked out of nowhere.

Joel’s heart plummeted to the bottom of his stomach—a strangling twist contorting his entrails when the simmering anxiety took a hold of him. But he couldn’t show it—how this all affected him, how the solitude wrecked him, playing mind games with him. As if Death was mindlessly toying with him.

“We’re good,” was his automatic answer.

“We ain’t blind, brother,” Tommy intervened. “Everyone’s talking about it.”

“Fuck everyone then and their stupid gossiping. People are fucking bored in this town if that’s the only thing they can talk about. Don’t they have anything better to worry about? We are fine,” Joel barked, throwing the fork at his plate, hand shaking. “‘S just a phase.”

“Problems don’t just resolve themselves if you don’t talk about them, Joel. They don’t disappear; they just grow bigger until they are blown out of proportion. If you need us to talk to her…” Maria offered calmly, unfazed by his sudden outburst.

“I said we are fucking okay, alright?” Joel’s tone grew louder, frustrated, the legs of his chair screeching against the wooden floor when he pushed it back to stand up. “Mind your fucking business, both of ya.”

“Hey. Watch your fucking mouth!” Tommy stood up, one hand pressed on the table while the other pointed an accusatory finger at him. “You don’t come to this house to disrespect us like that.”

“Perhaps I shouldn’t come at all,” Joel gritted out, the tips of his ears hot with anger.

“Yeah, perhaps you fucking shouldn’t!”

“Both of you, calm down,” Maria spoke serenely, the only one keeping a cool demeanour. “No one is getting kicked out of our home, Tommy. You’re welcome here, Joel. We are just worried, that’s all. We don’t need to talk about it now, I’m sure you’ll come around when you’re ready.”

Just as Joel was about to reply, a gentle knock on the front door quickly dissipated the argument. Surely for the better—deep down, Joel appreciated the concern, his rage misplaced.

“I’ll get it,” Tommy muttered.

You twisted your hands resting on your lap, the loud noises of the community hall not reaching your ears at all. You were physically there, but your mind was elsewhere.

You really had tried to keep your mind busy for the rest of the day, pull out some dying weeds before running back inside to clean. But every time a task required some sort of focus, you just couldn’t do it. Your hands were too flimsy, trembling. An impending sense of doom had taken over your soul and you just couldn’t shake it off.

Joel Miller wasn’t well. So far, that was everything you knew. The whole exchange you had with him, how he became instantly defensive when you mentioned his fall… Any other person would have admitted what happened or at least downplayed if they were embarrassed. Not him, though. If your fingers had reached any closer to his neck, you were sure he would have bitten your hand off.

Perhaps he was just a grumpy old man. The type who would bark at every neighbour if they stepped on the grass or if something dropped from their back pockets, instantly accusing them of littering.

The type who would not let anyone help him, not even when he wasn’t okay. And that was what worried you the most. You had seen people falling to their demises just because they were too proud to admit they needed a hand. But his sin wasn’t pride, it was… something that was luring him into the dark. Something personal and painful. Something that was eating him alive.

A sudden noise startled you, jumping on the wooden bench, derailing your train of thought.

“Sorry!” A kid exclaimed happily, grabbing the football leaning against the leg of the bench.

You smiled at her, heart warm with memories of a life lived what seemed a century ago. A sparkle caught your eye—she was wearing a beautiful piece of jewellery around her neck, most probably a hand-me-down from a family member before the outbreak that changed everything.

“Don’t worry, it’s okay!” You replied before the girl giggled and ran away.

With a grin still curling your lips, your mind went back to the topic nagging at the back of your mind: Mister Joel Miller.

There and then, you decided you couldn’t just stand by with your arms crossed. And of course you were not about to knock on his door again, afraid he might actually kick your butt and throw you off his porch. Approaching Tommy was probably wiser, just to see if there was something you could do covertly, perhaps keeping an eye on Joel for him.

Standing up, you thanked the people around you on the table for the warm meal and waved them goodbye. A cacophony of “byes” followed suit—everyone was so nice here, it was like a blanket hugging your heart.

You stood just outside the main door, suddenly realising you didn’t know how to find Tommy. Thankfully, there was a woman smoking outside—Gail, as you found out when she introduced herself—who gave you directions to Tommy and Maria’s house when you explained to her where you wanted to go.

Wrapping yourself in your coat and securing your woolly scarf around your neck, you trudged forward through the thick blanket of fresh snow. A few minutes later you arrived at a cul-de-sac with just a handful of houses, not far from yours. Gail had said that the one you were looking for had a swing bench on the porch.

Scanning the area, you clicked your tongue when you saw it and ran towards the house—your toes were freezing in your winter boots, the cold nipping at the skin of your face. Determined with your mission, you walked up the steps and knocked on the door.

There was a rush of movement on the other side, some loud voices filtering through. Unable to make out what they were talking about, you just patiently waited for someone to open.

A minute later, Tommy appeared under the frame—a pronounced pinch on his brows, his mouth twisting angrily, as if you had inconveniently interrupted a heated argument.

Clearing your throat, you took a step back, realising this might not be the best time.

“Uh, hi, Tommy. Sorry, I didn’t mean to— I can come back lat—” you stumbled over your own words, feeling awkward and out of place.

“Hey,” Tommy greeted you by name. You were surprised he remembered, considering how many people he’d welcomed in. “Don’t worry. We were just having family dinner, you know how those go…”

You nodded with a weak smile—yes, you did. But it had been a long time since you sat around a table with your loved ones. A very long time, indeed.

“Who’s it?” A deep, husky voice inquired from the adjacent room.

You knew who it was before the booted steps betrayed his presence, your heart racing wildly in your chest as your mind tried to come up with some sort of excuse for your visit.

You gaped, a shaky sigh escaping your lips, when the source of your worries appeared behind Tommy. The reason you were here—to tell Tommy you thought Joel wasn’t okay, that he needed help. And you were doing it so behind Joel’s back.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” he barked bitterly, nostrils flaring and a hand on his brother’s shoulder to push him out of his way. “Huh?!”

His unrequited rage took you aback. Stepping further back, you almost lost your footing with one of the steps but managed to grab onto the handrail before you fell backwards.

Why didn’t you think of this? That Joel might be here for dinner? What were you thinking?

You stared at Joel, then at a surprised Tommy, then back at Joel, all the while you just wanted to throw up your heart at their feet.

“I asked you a goddamn question,” Joel snapped, walking out onto the porch.

Your heart sank to your stomach. He was truly pissed off at you. Perhaps rightfully so—being sneaky like this was not a good start to any friendship.

“Whoa, whoa! Calm the fuck down, where are your fucking manners?!” Tommy quickly intervened, grabbing at his brother’s shoulder and pushing him back away from you. “What’s wrong with you today?!”

Your eardrums throbbed with the increased blood pressure, your heart pumping violently in your chest. You knew you had erred, but didn’t deserve such dreadful treatment—your intentions were pure, coming from a good place. You just wanted to help, make sure that Joel was surrounded by a loving support system.

As your mind raced and the two brothers confronted each other, Maria, Tommy’s partner, made an appearance. Her aura almost instantly put you at ease, her presence calming.

“Can the both of you keep quiet? You’re gonna wake Benji up,” she scolded them, stepping between the Millers before her eyes found yours. “What’s the matter?” she asked you with a smile, offering you a hand to walk inside with them.

You glanced at both Joel and Tommy, who were obviously locked in on each other, then back at Maria. Letting go of the handrail you were holding onto for dear life, you gestured with your hands.

“It’s nothing. Just a clogged pipe at home, nothing of importance. I can come back tomorrow so you can point me in the direction of someone who can help,” you stumbled over your own words. “I don’t want to interrupt, I’ll leave you guys be.”

“Nonsense,” Maria said, stepping aside to let you in. “Come on in, we were about to have dessert. We’ll send someone first thing tomorrow to help you out.”

“I’m going. M’not hungry,” Joel mumbled, jaw tight like a bow.

Was he leaving because he didn’t want to be in the same room as you? Did he despise you that much with so little interaction? You two had really started off on the wrong foot.

“Don’t be a child, Joel. I’ve got my hands full with Benji already. You’re having dessert too. Let’s go,” Maria reprimanded him, and you felt bad for forcing this situation onto him.

“I can go…”

“No, you’re staying. Everyone’s staying,” and with those final, indisputable words, Tommy, Joe and you followed Maria inside.

The house was warm, the smell inviting—cinnamon mixed with vanilla lingered in the air. The soft orangey shadow the lamps and ceiling lights casted was very comforting, pleasant to the eye. When you followed Maria’s lead into the dining room, you spied some toys scattered on an empty spot on the table. This wasn’t a house, it was a home. Lived in, cared for, full of life. Of hope too—Jackson was a permanent stronghold, a place where families could settle and blossom.

“Any allergies?” Maria asked you, tipping her head towards the empty chair besides Joel in invitation.

“No, none.”

You hesitated, Joel’s discomfort radiating off him, enveloping you. But considering there were no other empty chairs, you had no other option than to sit next to him.

Maria left the room, quickly followed by Tommy. You could hear them bickering in whispers because the silence between Joel and you was loud. Your hands nervously twisted on your lap, deciding whether to apologise or just put the matter to rest.

Before you could make up your mind, Maria and Tommy returned. The younger Miller was carrying a tray with some delicious cinnamon rolls, while Maria set down some porcelain mugs on the table.

“Tea? Coffee?”

“Tea, please.”

Her hospitality was touching, especially considering the state of the world outside Jackson’s palisade. You’d only encountered hatred and greed out there, a thirst for power so potent and pungent it would consume a human’s soul within seconds. Jackson and its people felt… different—neighbourly, kind, altruistic. The town seemed to run smoothly.

Maria and you did your best to fill the silence with chitchat once you’d relaxed a little. On the other hand, the brothers appeared to be in some sort of mean staring contest between themselves. Which, truth be told, made you feel a tad better—perhaps Joel wasn’t really mad at you but at Tommy, and you just happened to be in the crossfire.

“Yeah, of course I would like to help,” you said instantly when Maria mentioned that they were one person down on tomorrow’s afternoon patrol. “I’ve been out there for longer than I care to admit, I know my way around this area too.”

“Perfect. Joel’s patrol partner is in the infirmary with a fever. I was going to cancel it but if you don’t mind joining him, I’d greatly appreciate it.”

You almost choked on the last bite of cinnamon roll, which you had to force down by sipping on your tea. Being on patrol with Joel did not sound appealing at all—not because you would be uncomfortable, but because you knew he would.

“Listen—” Joel began to complain, but as soon as Maria shot a warning glance at him, he stopped right in his tracks. “Alright.”

“It’s settled then,” Maria concluded with finality, she wasn’t going to let Joel argue with her.

Fifteen minutes later, you were saying your goodbyes to the Millers and thanking them for having you. When the door closed behind you, you ventured a bashful look in Joel’s direction.

“We don’t need to walk together,” you gave him a way out of this uncomfortable situation.

“You want to walk the streets alone at night?” Joel questioned, raising a thick, silvery brow.

“Do I have something to worry about?”

“As idyllic as Jackson is, not every single one of us are saints.”

The veiled truth behind his words confirmed what you suspected—Joel didn’t see himself as one of the “good guys”, as worthy of the tranquillity this town offered. How much truth there was to that… you’d only have to unearth it yourself.

“Do… do I need to worry about being alone with you then?”

“What? No,” his reaction was instantaneous. His eyes had widened when his brain caught up with his own words. “Fuck, no. That’s not what I meant. I just— Well, you shouldn’t trust someone just because they are from Jackson.”

“It’s okay, Joel.” A little smile had softened your lips, his mortification somewhat endearing. “We can walk together. I trust you, I think.”

Joel hmphed but didn’t oppose. In silence you walked, but this time wasn’t as excruciating as you had feared. Perhaps he was a man of few words, and that was okay. You understood that when there was nothing of importance to say, it was better to remain silent.

Arriving at your street, your paths parted when it was time to hide in your respective homes. But before you disappeared through your door, you turned around.

Joel was standing in the middle of the road, watching you go up the steps of your porch—as if he was making sure you were getting home safely. When he found himself caught, Joel shoved his hands in the pockets of his furry coat and veered.

“Joel?” You waited for him to face you. “I’m sorry. I know how that looked like, but I wasn’t trying to… I just, you know—”

“It’s okay. I overreacted. Hope they can sort out the pipe for you tomorrow. Don’t be late for patrol,” and with that warning, he trudged forward through the snow and climbed up the steps of his porch.

You pouted—he’d misunderstood. You meant to apologise, “I wasn’t trying to go behind your back. I just worry unnecessarily, I’m sorry I overstepped your boundaries.” But he didn’t give you a chance.

With a heavy sigh, you pushed the door open and locked it behind your back. There had to be something in this house you could block a pipe with, so the plumber’s trip wouldn’t be in vain.

It gnawed at him—how you cheerfully tried to make some small talk while the only thing he could do was grunt and huff in response. Joel wasn’t trying to be rude on purpose, he just didn’t enjoy the proximity of humanity anymore. Not that he had been a big fan of socialisation in the past anyway, but since losing almost everyone he held dear, Joel didn’t see the appeal in connecting with someone else.

And after his confrontation with Tommy, the abyss separating him from the rest of the world just cracked further apart. Everything he touched, died—not everything, but everyone. As if Death was chasing after him, patiently waiting to claim him.

Death followed him everywhere, sniffing at the cuffs of his pants, but never deciding to give him the final clutch of its claws.

Joel was tired of this waiting game. Wanted it over, to be put to rest. Besides Sarah’s grave back in their Austin home. He’d even dared to put those thoughts into words a few days ago.

As soon as the ink had dried on the parchment, Joel had regretted it—asking such a thing from Tommy was cruel, evil. Selfish. But deep down, it was his dying wish; he truly believed that his bones wouldn’t find solace sitting alone six feet under, that Sarah’s presence would sooth the ache he’d left behind in this world.

He’d also written a note to Ellie. But that one… it wrecked his soul just remembering it—how the tears had blurred his vision, some falling onto the paper, smudging his calligraphy. All the things he wished to say when the silence between them would stretch, the unspoken, broken words that would hang in the void, pestering and rotting what little was left of their bond.

Did he hide them well?

“Do you like to read?” your question caught him off guard. “I saw you with a book when I met you yesterday.”

Joel looked at you askance, riding beside him. Blinking rapidly and watching his twelve, he’d hoped you hadn’t noticed the dampness in his eyes—the only visible tale of his agony.

“Mhm, sometimes,” Joel conceded, sharpening his senses to ensure the surroundings were safe.

“Anything you’ve read lately?” you insisted, your mare coming too close to his horse, rubbing necks together, neighing softly.

His stallion didn’t appreciate the caress, pulling from the reins and swaying away. The subtlety of the animals’ exchange didn’t go unnoticed by any of you, your expression wavering for a moment—were you so hurt too when he openly rejected your hand yesterday afternoon?

“Easy, Old Beardy,” Joel whispered, leaning forward to pat the horse’s neck. When the animal calmed down, he straightened his back and gave you a stern nod. “Yeah. Been reading One Hundred Years of Solitude. Dunno if you’ve heard of it.”

“Are you kidding?�� your hearty laugh piqued his interest, a frown creasing his brows. “I love Gabrial García Márquez’s writing. My favourite book is Chronicle of a Death Foretold. Have you read it?”

“‘M afraid not,” was his succinct reply.

You were insistent, he’d give you that.

“Oh, I have a copy you can borrow. It’s been with me since, well, all of this happened,” you gestured around you. “While I was working in my family’s garden center, I was also getting my degree in literature. My thesis was going to be about Gabo’s writing, actually.”

“You didn’t finish?”

“The outbreak happened in my third year. Didn’t have a chance,” your excitement died off with your words, a pout painted on your lips.

“Sorry,” he apologised, even though he wasn’t sure why.

“It’s okay. I’ve made my peace with losing the life I had before that ominous day.”

You’d made your peace. What an alien thought—one Joel couldn’t grasp. It’d take a very strong, determined person to let go of the tethers of the past. Perhaps you were braver than him, at least on the outside.

Was he the only one who crumbled to his knees whenever the memories flooded back? Had age weakened him? Broken him past mending?

“Anyways, about the book you’ve been reading! There are so many beautiful passages in there. Any favourites so far?”

You were assuming he’d only read it once, but reality was, he’d lost count.

“Yeah, uhm…” Joel cleared his throat, the words coming back to him as if he’d been mentally reciting them for weeks. “He felt himself forgotten, not with the irremediable forgetfulness of the heart, but with a different kind of forgetfulness, which was more cruel and irrevocable and which he knew very well because it was the forgetfulness of death.”

He should have thought before that quote slipped. To anyone, it’d have been a quirky answer, a dark one at that. But you, it seemed, had picked up on the sadness of his heartfelt delivery—how it spoke more about himself than he’d ever admit—because the silence that followed was telling, consuming.

“It… it is a beautiful quote,” you whispered, and Joel felt the full weight of your eyes on him. “The forgetfulness of death is what we all are condemned to if we don’t nudge a dent on the people we leave behind when we pass. Is that…?”

Joel raised a hand, signalling to halt.

A faint sound that he’d grown too familiar to—a clicking, throaty call. Subtle, but enough to make his senses flare, the hair on the back of his neck stand. As far as Joel could tell, it might only be one, but the noise the clicker emitted could summon others.

Reeling your mount closer to his, you listened in silence. And when Joel’s eyes searched for yours, you gave him an understanding nod.

“We’re too close to Jackson,” you muttered.

“Yeah, gotta take care of it before it becomes a bigger problem,” Joel dismounted Old Beardy and you followed suit, tying both horses to a rail guarding the dilapidated building you both were circumventing. “Go right, sweep the area. Make sure there’re no others. I’ll go left.”

You didn’t question his decision—the alertness in your orbs bright enough to make him understand you’d encountered hundreds of clickers. Your body language had shifted too, your stance stiffer, your shoulders squared as you unsheathed a knife from your belt.

He did the same and turned around, hunting knife on hand.

The building was a wooden structure, possibly an old shed for the farmland besides it. The wood had rotten, blackened with the passage of time. The ceiling was half collapsed, an outbuilding with barn doors attached to the side.

The clicking became clearer as Joel sauntered towards the outbuilding, fingers clutching around the hilt. Crouching a little, his free hand caressed the O-shaped rusty handle and pulled, taking a step back to put some distance between himself and the threat.

A woman laid among the mouldy straw, wriggling in pain. She was in the first stages of the infection, at the point where one could still see their humanity. She had greying brown hair, wavy and long.

It wasn’t her suffering what froze him in place, but her eyes. In the darkness of the shed, they were green as a blooming meadow. The same eyes he’d woken up to for thirteen years—Tess’s. The similarities were striking, like a dagger of the past staring right at him.

Since Tess’s death, Joel had drowned the memories of her, locked them away in a godforsaken drawer of his mind and threw away the key. Because he’d never done good by her—never said what she really meant to him, how she kept his mind cool and his path straight. And in the decade they’d spent together, Joel never dared to say the three words that would have settled their relationship. Never told her how much he cared for her either—because he was a man of acts of service, wasn’t eloquent enough with the spoken word.

And then she died, sacrificing herself for the greater good, for him and Ellie to escape unscathed. Succumbed to clickers alone, with no one by her side. Without a chance to right the wrong he’d carried in his soul, his heart.

Had she known? Joel regretted never whispering an “I love you” when she’d fallen asleep in his embrace. Never opened up to her—his feelings too messed up, entangled with a fear of loss, with a caution he’d learnt after losing Sarah. Because he’d thought that if he ever said the words out loud, Joel would lose Tess. Because everyone he touched, died.

And that wasn’t the worst part, not telling her how much she meant to him. It was how Joel had stepped back away from her when she walked towards him after becoming infected, how he’d built a wall to guard his own sanity, without considering how Tess must have felt. How she’d whispered “oops, right?” to hide her own hurt at his rejection.

“I never asked you for anything. Not to feel the way I felt—”

How his breath had hitched after muttering a breathless negative. “No, you didn’t have to ask, Tess. I do feel the same way. You mean the world to me—we’ve been together for thirteen years. How could I not?”

But instead he’d been too stunted to speak, to voice his feelings, to crack the dam he’d been hiding behind for so many years.

“Joel, save who you can save,” and with that, he’d grabbed Ellie and got the fuck out. Didn’t even hesitate, didn’t mutter a goodbye, didn’t look back—his protective instinct taking over, needing to take Ellie to safety.

It still haunted him. Wrecked him even to only think about how he’d wronged her till the very end. He was a bastard, deserving of all the bad things that had happened so far. This was the universe’s retribution for all his wrongdoing.

The woman’s head snapped around in his direction, a deep clicking sound reverberating in her chest. Slowly she got up, dragging one of her feet along the straw, head tilting sideways in an unnatural, mechanical way.

And Joel simply froze. Was this poetic justice? How he was supposed to die? Perhaps it was—the end would most definitely be fitting. It was what he deserved. For being emotionally stunt, for being selfish, for being a coward, for being a murderer. For existing in this world and feeding into its malice. For being a part of the problem.

His shallow breath caught, a flood of memories drowning him—everyone he lost, appearing in front of his eyes like a grotesque newsreel. It felt like a heavy stone was crushing his chest, his lungs constrained within his ribs, his heart pounding fiercely while sweat gathered atop of his brows. Panic bubbling, clouding his mind to a point where Joel couldn’t think straight anymore.

The clicker approached, and this time, he didn’t step back away from her—from Tess. Joel dropped the knife, the woman snarling at him, his eyes shutting close.

The prospect of dying wasn’t daunting, but strangely soothing, his heartrate slowing down. Welcomed.

“Joel? Joel!”

A commotion took him back to the present—you had decked the clicker to the floor, the hilt of your knife gruesomely protruding out of her temple.

Joel blinked—not in relief, but gutted at the lost chance. The irreversibility of such a death would have been a balsam to the open wounds of his soul.

You got up to your feet and threw yourself at him, blissfully unaware of the situation. Or so he thought. You enveloped him in a crushing hug—your warmth seeping through the thick fabric of your coat, reaching his bones.

“Oh my God, Joel. Are you okay? Are you hurt? Has it bit you?” you stumbled over your own words, frantic with a rush of adrenaline.

Your hands patted his neck, his shoulders, his arms, his chest—your eyes wild with worry, searching for any sign of an infected wound. Inspecting him from head to toe, with a concern he’d not seen in someone’s eyes ever before.

Your eyes finally focused on his face and, for whatever reason, they darkened. Your eyebrows lifted into your forehead, the sadness washing over your features was a heartbreaking sight. As if you cared about him—a complete stranger who had only been rude to you, kept you at arm’s length.

“Joel,” you whispered, your ungloved hand raising up to his face.

This time, he didn’t retreat, still coming to terms with the fact that today he wouldn’t yield to the forgetfulness of death.

Your thumb brushed his cheek, a slow, sweet motion as your lips fell into a thin line, a sorrowful pout curling your mouth.

“Joel, why are you crying? What’s the matter?” you uttered, voice tinged with an anxiety he was feeling deep down in his aching bones.

Joel hadn’t realised the sheer magnitude of his emotions until then. Until your fingertips became wet from his unwanted tears. Then it hit him—not the sadness, but the anger.

“I ain’t crying,” he barked, taking a few steps back, the warmth of your hug turning cold. Running the inside of his elbow through his face, Joel turned away from you. “‘S nothing. I’m fine.”

You looked at him doe-eyed, but with a resolution he feared. You shortened the distance he had imposed, getting dangerously close to him, open hands reaching towards him.

“I said I’m fine!” he shouted at you, losing his composure. “What’s the fucking matter with all of you?! Why doesn’t it register in your fucking brains that I want to be left alone, huh? Is it so fucking difficult to comprehend? Are you fucking stupid or are you just pretending to be? God fucking dammit.”

He snarled like the animal he was—like a scared dog cornered, barking and showing teeth, because he dreaded the gentle hand that approached him.

Dreaded falling to his knees and breaking down in front of you, of anyone.

Dreaded opening the dams of his demons and not being able to herd them back inside.

Dreaded that once he spoke the words out loud, they would only be truer.

His heart was racing again, the vein in his neck bulging, blind with a misplaced rage you didn’t deserve. Deep down, he knew you didn’t. But his fear was louder than his reasoning.

Your whole expression folded, taking a step back away from him. Had Joel been the animal he thought himself to be, he would have smelt your fear. But he didn’t need to—the light behind your eyes dimmed, like a lighthouse running out of power in the middle of a stormy night.

You managed to hide your face from him, veering around without a word to head towards the horses.

Only then Joel realised he’d fucked up. He’d mistakenly taken his fury out on you. He wasn’t mad at you―damn, he wasn’t mad at anyone except himself. You just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Twice in a row.

“Hey,” Joel called out walking towards you, tone softer with remorse. You quickly glanced at him over your shoulder before your head snapped back to the horse. This time, your eyes transpired no emotion. “Look—”

“I got the message loud and clear, Joel,” you cut him off coldly, getting on your horse. “It’s getting dark. Let’s go back.”

You didn’t wait for him, trotting away before he could get on Old Beardy.

“Fuck,” he groaned under his breath, shaking the reins to catch up with you.

taglist: @wow-life-love4 @denisanoemi @wencontre @ccmoonshine @mystickittytaco @peelieblue @guelyury @marisemonteiroo @fangirlcentral1 @layaispunk @brittmb115 @mrsbilicablog @thedilfdiaries @eff4freddie @missadangel @moel-jiller @sunnytuliptime @queenofdisaster12 @lizzie-cakes @pedrofan @ladywraith @jessthebaker @readingiskeepingmegoing @aleariixx @anoverwhelmingdin @prose-before-hoes

[codenamethebird]

Honestly, I'm kind of hoping we see Melinoe's relationships fall apart a bit. The Warsong update has given us some new dialouge that's quite interesting in this regard.

We actually have Melinoe questioning things a little bit, mostly in regards to Prometheus having a point. But the moment she admits this to Hecate, she gets swiftly shut down. Hecate tells herself to not even consider it and stay true to her beliefs. Which under different circumstances would be a pep talk, but considering the context of, 'are the gods wrong in their treatment of humanity', has kind of sinister implications.

Like don't get me wrong I don't think Hecate is some secret supervillian, but she's a Titan who is part of the order of the gods. When Mel asks her why she helped Athena punish Arachne, she doesn't really apologize and basically says Arachne deserved it. For all Hecate loves Melinoe, she raised her as living weapon (which oof when Ares calls Mel that, ahhhh). She can't have her weapon against Chronos having doubts about their mission. She can't risk the weapon turning against herself.

In a similar but different path, Odysseus has some new dialogue where he's acting funny and seeming to question things. And when Mel asks him about the whole the whole god mortal thing, he blatantly avoids the question like an extreme sport. It actually made me crack up how blatant he was. And when Mel presses him, he says a very non committal 'both gods and mortals are complicated", which says nothing and everything lol. The conversation ends with him promising that he would tell her if he thought she and Hecate were doing the wrong thing.

Which if we take him at his word, still is sooooo vague. He could very much be in my opinion that Chronos is bad and needs to be defeated, but also the gods suck and he's not lying to Mel.

There's also the other option that he's just lying lol. He is Odysseus. But even beyond that, his boss and literal titan is like 20 feet away. Said Titan, who I mentioned above, shuts down any bit of doubt in Mel. He's just a shade, he has very valid reasons to keep his mouth shut.

But yes, back to my first point of this post, Melinoe's relationships possibly falling apart. In a reversal of Zag's quest bringing him closer to his companions, Mels feels doomed to tear them apart.

The mortal (ish in some cases) characters in this story as possibly being dragged towards Prometheus and his ideology. Arachne and Heracles already have issues with the gods, [Pan]Dora was screwed over by them too + her connection to Prometheus, Odysseus seems to have his doubts, and even Icarus has some dialouge of him expressing confusion at Prometheus being their enemy.

On the other end, it looks like Mel is headed in a direction of also doubting her belief in the gods, which will put her in conflict with them and their allies. I don't know what Hecate will do if Melinoe tries to work with Prometheus.

But yeah, I think it would be very fun to have Melinoe's relationships start falling apart as she grows and changes throughout the story. Lots of angst potential, of course, but interesting story developments as well.

Also in a way to make this sort of plot work within the context of how Hades 2 is played, and a different fun reversal of Hades 1, Melinoe can start keeping secrets from the people in the crossroads. Like how Zag lied to the Olympians about why he was doing his runs (especially in the epilouge), Melinoe might have to start lying to Hecate/Moros/Nemesis/etc about the exact purpose of her runs.

But yeah that might me getting a little too crazy with plot ideas haha.

[eriochromatic]

What are your thoughts on what Silco was like before Vander tried to drown him? I'm seeing these takes on the Silco tag that he was always a bad person and not a real revolutionary, but I don't think that's true. The flashbacks suggest he was coming from a sincere place but became selfish, paranoid, and power hungry (controlling) post-fallout.

LOL I mean you're asking a Silco artist (who specifically likes drawing him in domestic settings) what they think about Silco. so like. no he's not a bad person to me haha.

Of course I'm in the camp that his actions were sincere, perhaps I'm a being a bit generous but I think his actions in s1 are still consistent with that sincerity of wanting undercity independence. We never know exactly what he was going to do once he got his nation of Zaun, so that can be left in the Schrodinger's box of interpretations, positive or negative. But he pretty much agreed to all of Jayce's non Jinx demands like stopping shimmer production and giving hextech back to Piltover. You could even argue that he didn't push back on the blockade that much because he knew he was close to getting independence and could temporarily stop shimmer trade. He specifically says "Jinx will deal with [the blockade]" which is a bit strange bc its not like Jinx is known for her diplomacy LOL. But I think it's because he knows Jinx is currently building a hextech weapon, and the blockade truly won't be an issue once they can just blast through it with Fishbones. Also, that entire scene was clearly there to indicate that unlike the other chem barons who can only see temporary solutions to fix their trade issues, Silco's underlying motivations are still Zaunite independence, not selfish capitalistic gains. Like, Finn clearly did not fucking understand how much power Zaun now has with the hex crystal, he was only focused on blockade hurting his own business.

Honestly calling Silco selfish is the weirdest take to me because the only selfishness we see him display is in relation to Jinx, and his possessiveness is more of a fear of abandonment than actually wanting to control her imo. I guess makes sense ppl might think of Silco that way since we see Silco most often in relation to Jinx, so that colors ppl's opinions. But if you take in account all the scenes that have nothing to do with Jinx… idk I find he's more lenient than the non-Silco fandom makes him out to be. Act 1 his ill will towards Vander was because of ideological and not personal reasons- he was willing to take Vander back if Vander supported Silco's ways. like. thats kind of insane to me. Silco already forgave Vander for ATTEMPTING TO MURDER HIM but was like "you know what's actually unforgivable? you becoming an enforcer bootlicker" idk how much more you can do to show that Silco isn't really motivated by personal selfish reasons (until Jinx came into his life) but revolutionary ones. And honestly I think he himself did not realize how much he loved Jinx until she nearly died, I don't believe for a second he was trying to manipulate her at any point in time. He's just a broken person trying to fix another broken person but like there's a reason why you gotta wear the oxygen mask first before helping your kid, I don't blame him for unintentionally pushing his trauma onto Jinx since it's not like there's therapy in Zaun

So yeah like. I see Silco in a very sympathetic light LOL, flawed and misguided perhaps but doing what he believes is necessary for success… you could argue that under Vander's leadership they would've just continued to be under Piltover's heel forever and Silco at least got something done idk. so I definitely see flashback Silco as someone who's even less culpable of whatever crimes he commits later on, he probably still has a bit of that youthful naivety and hope before the bridge incident fucked everything over lol. and I mean. as much as s2 was a mess, it unfortunately is canon. s2e7 Silco is clearly a well adjusted individual, if he really was a "bad person" I don't think the show would bother showing him in that AU.

Ultimately though I think people see what they want to see, if they already have a bad impression on him the flashback won't do him any favors, they'll just fit his actions into the box they've already given him.

Slight side tangent, there's a visual novel called Umineko (WHICH I THINK EVERYONE SHOULD READ, IT SHOULD BE REQUIRED READING), and a big theme in the story is "Without love, it cannot be seen," and that has really influenced the way I interact with characters in fictional narratives.

Obviously I love Silco as a character, I wouldn't be spending all this time drawing him if I didn't, and I've probably spent more time thinking about him than the average Arcane viewer. If a person watches Arcane and doesn't like Silco, I won't be surprised they come out of it with a surface level understanding of him without really diving deep into his motivations and actions. It's actually pretty funny because the friend that got me into Arcane was one of those Vi stans whose perception on him was on the more negative side but bc I yapped about him so much they've switched over to seeing the more positive side of him. And I mean same with me and Vi, I don't think I would like her as much as I do if it wasn't for that friend haha

[so-i-did-this-thing]

Hello! I just wanted to say I stumbled across one of your posts and ended up looking through the trans tag in your blog for a while and idk it felt so so nice to see a middle aged trans guy just living life and being there for others who are at earlier points of their own trans related journeys, and I hope I can look as awesome as you and be as comfortable in my own skin and style and everything when I'm older.

I guess I also wanted to ask if you had any insight or advice about a couple things, if you're willing to share.. First thing is, did you ever struggle with passing but looking much younger than your age and that somewhat affecting your perception of yourself? I'm 28 and I started T 11 months ago (though at a pretty low dose because I wanted slow changes) and my face just recently started visibly shifting to a more masculine contour and I love it, but I still don't really look like a 28 year old guy.

I've always passed easily even before T but people think I'm like 18-21 max. Things were fine while I was in college (I came out at 19 so for a while my face just felt fitting enough and didn't make me feel either dysphoric or in a weird age limbo) but every year it feels more frustrating and makes me feel sort of alienated from myself including in mental ways, like I'm just a little kid who can't grow up. Like I'll never look like a "real guy" even though I can be stealth because I look like a weird teen and not like a grown up man. It's especially bad when I look at my amab younger siblings who are now also adults and see how I "should have looked" in some other life if I was cis. I guess maybe that's just another manifestation of dysphoria that I didn't have to deal with before? Did you ever experience something like that? And if yes did it get better after some years on T or how did you deal with it?

The other thing is just.. internalized transphobia. It's one thing to know things in a logical or intellectual sense but it's so hard to really feel and believe it sometimes and let go of all the awful transphobic stuff my family said to me during the first years of me being out. I just kept going anyway because I needed to be true to myself and my family basically bullying me wasn't gonna just magically change how I felt about my gender, but what it did do is put my already low confidence and self esteem (in this context regarding my gender) down on the floor. And sometimes I still just think and worry "what if they were right and I was wrong and I'll never be real and valid because of x y z", "what if I'm just delusional", "what if I'm a ridiculous freak". I know, in a way, that no I'm not. I'm just a trans person and they're just transphobes. But feelings like that just get to me sometimes and I don't really know what to do about them even nearly 10 years after coming out. Does that get better at some point? Just like you kinda stop giving a shit what people think about you in general as you get older? But how can you change those internalized views affecting what you think of yourself?

Bit nervous about asking this stuff tbh, so sorry it was so long also sorry if I worded any of it in a not so great way.

I will say though, that seeing older trans people like you does help a little bit. Just makes it feel like "hell yeah I wanna be like him when I grow up". So thank you for showing me that today ;u; (and also for inspiring me to put a little more thought and effort into my styling and fashion choices haha)

Heya, Anon! Let's see what I can cover here:

Looking young.

Oh my god, yes. I was getting carded to buy superglue and spray paint well into my late 30s (I started T at 33). When my partner first asked me out for a date, they were worried I wasn't old enough to drink yet (I was 36).

This is me 1 year on T, age 34.

Years 6 & 7 (ages 39 and 40), is when I feel I started looking older.

I feel like it's only been recently, 14 years in at 47, that I look in my 40s, and a "mature" adult. My beard finally getting full helped, as did my receding hairline. And I feel like my skin texture has toughened up enough, to where wrinkles show more.

That said, yes, it is tough and annoying to deal with. Even when people tell me I look like a particular cis man (where I actually see the resemblance, lol), when I look at us side-by-side, I feel like I'm just a pale shadow of him. I feel jealous and dysphoric, even while I'm flattered by the comparison. I wonder what I "should" look like, and it feels like something has been stolen from me. Its a roller coaster of emotions.

That feeling never really goes away, but you need to afford yourself some grace. You're going to be your own worst critic, and I guarantee you that, of many cis men you grew up with, you can probably still see the kid in them. So of course, you're going to see the kid in yourself.

But, you also just need to let time run its course. HRT is a marathon, and a lot of changes don't really settle for about 5 or 6 years.

I hate to say "enjoy it while you can" because I sure as hell bristled at being mistaken for a teenager or barely 20 when I was in my 30s. But do enjoy what you can of it. Because once you hit middle age, you're going to start dealing with a strange intersection of dysphoria and aging that I myself am still trying to navigate.

One other way I help myself get over negative feelings is to think of how differently my life would have been if I were cis. I honestly worry I would have been a worse person; even though being trans creates a lot of obstacles in my life, I feel like it's been a net gain: being able to know myself so well and help others learn about themselves.

Internalized transphobia

This got better for me with age. My epiphany was that, even over a decade into my transition, I was still softening myself for the benefit of friends and family. I was still using my gender-neutral birthname (I only recently changed it). I would call myself a "person", "guy", or "dude", instead of a "man". I dressed on the young and casual side, eschewing full-on masculine outfits like proper suits with ties.

I only recently pulled myself out of this. It still is a habit-in-progress to refer to myself as a man, even though I have always felt like one. And I've started to dress more vintage, not just because of hyper fixations, but because it's a way to lean into a presentation that is unequivocally, "this is a middle-aged man". And it's done a lot of good for my mental health.

What I'd suggest is to see if you are holding yourself back in any way wrt your gender presentation or how you talk/think about yourself. Give yourself full permission to acknowledge that you are a man, full stop. You're a young man, sure. But still a man, and a full-ass adult at that.

I hope some of this helps. Transition gives us a unique toolset for examining who we are and how we want to move through the world, and that work certainly doesn't end after finally getting on HRT. <3

[butterflydm]

Wheel of Time 3x02 Deep Dive (show spoilers)

Time for our Elayne episode! I didn't know going into it that it would be an Elayne episode, though I did suspect we would get more of an emphasis on her because we were introducing her family, but we got even more than I was hoping for. My dearest darling light of my life! <3

Spoilers through 3x03. This also has spoilers for the promo posters (if that counts as a spoiler). I am going to try to get out the posts for 3x03 sometime before the new episode comes out, but no promises.

I'm not going to try to unknow the big 3x03 reveal, lol. Gaebril is Rahvin and Rahvin is Gaebril.

This flashback is everything that I was hoping for! We heard that there was limited shooting in a castle made up with Andoran banners and that the actresses for Morgase and Elaida were spotted there, so I suspected something like this was coming, but the content of it was so good and contained some very interesting surprises (that I will mostly talk about in the other post haha).

The main focus of this scene as we're starting out is Elayne -- we meet Morgase cradling her stomach, and she's pregnant with Elayne (confirmed when she mentions being pregnant with a daughter). We can see the long red-gold hair and her empty great serpent ring, which tells us that Morgase left the Tower without becoming full Aes Sedai. The last time we met someone like this, it was Lady Amalisa back in the first season, Lord Angelmar's sister.

It is VERY interesting to me that Morgase is so certain that she's pregnant with a daughter. Did Elaida tell her that? We do learn in 3x03 that Elaida is a Seer, though we don't learn the details in the show, I don't think (though I haven't rewatched 3x03 yet, so maybe we learn more than I'm recalling right now!)

It is very interesting to compare Morgase's more pared-down look as a brand-new Queen to what she wears when she's been settled into power for a couple of decades. But also, we do see here that Andoran fashion is pretty modest. The one granddaughter is scandalously baring her shoulders and arms, but everyone else is pretty covered up.

"I told you this day would come, your Majesty." And we meet Elaida, who can tell the future in some capacity. Standing by Morgase, perhaps an equal part of this victory, having helped Morgase come to victory against her rival claimants to the throne.

We meet Morgase's sons - one old enough to run to her and say "Mama" and the other still needing to be held by his nursemaid. They did a good job showing us this part of Morgase first, before we get to the part of her that was ruthless enough to win a crown. We see that she loves her children, we see her happiness with them. Taking a moment to kiss both Galad and Gawyn on the forehead before she turns to settle onto the throne.

And we see the three rival claimants -- an older woman with gray in her hair and her granddaughter, perhaps. A young girl. And a woman around Morgase's own age or a bit younger, who is still wearing a breastplate.

I still really love the detail that the Lions are lionesses. It makes so much sense and it's so great!

Red and white and gold are the predominant colors that we see on display here -- and it looks like they may (stressing 'may') be Morgase's own colors in the show, as we see that the houses each seem to have their own colors -- yellow and black, red and black, and green and silver. Maybe the gold is always there -- the throne is gold -- but the red and white is House Trakand? It's not quite like that in the books, from what I recall, but it does feel pretty striking here. otoh, the checkerboard tiling of the floor is red and white, so that may just be Andor's colors, like I believe is true in the books.

I'm going to ignore what I may or may not remember about the colors in the books and focus on the show. Red is a hugely prominent color here, and we learn that Elaida Sedai is of the Red Ajah.

Despite this, Elayne does not seem to show any particular sympathies towards the Red Ajah perspective. It's interesting to me that we didn't get any real interaction between Elayne and Elaida in this episode (I wonder if she was planning to talk to Elayne at some point, but then lost her chance when Nynaeve & Elayne snuck out in 3x03). Instead Elaida's attention was firmly focused on Siuan and Morgase.

I wonder if Siuan's frequent visits to Caemlyn, per what we hear in the show, plus Elayne being allowed to spend summers at the White Tower, were ways Siuan was trying to use to make sure that Elaida wouldn't have too tight a hold onto the Andoran Daughter-Heir? Make sure that Elayne was exposed to Ajahs outside of the Red Ajah?

If that was her plan, it appears to have worked. Elayne has no evident lean towards the Red Ajah at all and, in fact, showed a remarkable willingness to help and support a male channeler (yes, he's the Dragon Reborn, but that doesn't seem to matter too much to a lot of the Red Sisters).

"But that war is over now, because I won it."

Morgase feeling the need to emotionally twist the knife here, when she's planning to kill them off anyway in just a couple of minutes, is a fascinating look into who she is a person. I mentioned this on a gifset that I reblogged of this moment, but I adore this bit of characterization so much. In the books, we just kinda get a vague "oh you know, regrettable things were done in the last Succession War" but no details. But this is a woman who chose to wade into a field of blood either because she wanted to be queen that badly or because she believed she deserved it that badly. Of course her hands are drenched in blood, and I am very glad that the show did not flinch away from that.

Elayne, who was sheltered and protected and indulged as the precious only heir to the throne, has never experienced the things that Morgase experienced, never made the choices that Morgase has made. And Morgase has likely actively shielded her from some of those choices, or framed them in the best light possible. This is her darling heir who must be protected above all else.

And we really needed this moment to give real teeth to Morgase's threat at the end of the episode. We need to know that she's not afraid to get her hands bloody for the sake of her legacy in order for us to believe that Siuan is in genuine danger as soon as Elayne disappears from the White Tower at the end of 3x03. This is not a woman who will be happy to hear that the Amyrlin has managed to lose her daughter a second time.

The three houses that swear to Morgase here (and lose the Heads of their Houses) are House Baryn, House Anshar, and House Caeren.

And the big significant thing here is that it isn't House Trakand soldiers who kill the Heads of the Houses -- it's the male members of their own House (Lady Baryn says, "Brother?" in horror when she realizes what's happening). Morgase went to them before this, told them the plan, got them to agree, and got them not to snitch. The member of House Caeren who stabs his grandmother (maybe) even tries to help her when she goes to kneel in fealty. Moments before he kills her.

And the boys' nursemaid (I know her name but I don't think it shows up on screen anywhere lol) covers their eyes before the murdering happens.

Not a single one of Morgase's people flinch at this. They were prepared.

(the look of relief on Grandma Caeren's face turning to horrified realization once Morgase says 'but' here is perfect and heartbreaking.)

It's after her rivals are permanently taken out of the picture that Morgase is crowned by her Aes Sedai adviser, who also clearly was anticipating what just happened and even dismissively is like, well, let's get on with this now that we're done with that bit of business.

What a great opening.

And going from that to our darling Elayne, giving us more context on her past, and also shining a light of contrast on the advice she gave Rand (peaceful transfer of power is always preferable to destruction) vs what her mother did when she took power.

Elayne does a little bit of spying here! She spots Verin and Leane arguing. Verin is arguing that they need to trust some more people while Leane focuses on how many Black Ajah Sisters were revealed, and doesn't want to trust another person outside their small circle.

Then the trumpets play, and we learn that Queen Morgase has arrived at the White Tower.

The amount of ceremony that Morgase insists on! I mean, you can understand why Siuan also feels the need to push back against that and make her wait a bit for her entrance. It's all about the public power play.

Littering the floor with flower petals that the novices will need to sweep up later, and they are all decked out in their fanciest. This is Queen Morgase looking to make sure that the weight of her throne is being felt by everyone watching.

The order of precedence is, of course, paramount in cases of royalty. They go from least to most importance (in terms of the throne), and so we have:

Lord Galad of House Trakand

Lord Gawyn of House Trakand, First Prince of the Sword

Lord... (please hold while the Compulsion is buffering) Gaebril, Prince-consort of the Queen

(said by Leane with seething hatred) Elaida Sedai of the Red Ajah, advisor to the Queen

By the Grace of the Light, Queen of Andor, Defender of the Realm, Protector of the People, High Seat of House Trakand, Queen Morgase

The full history of the family is not given to us, but it is implied that the younger brother is the one who is the First Prince of the Sword, which is interesting to note, because the older brother does not appear to have a fancy title.

Rahvin making Siuan simper like that for him is genuinely so awful to watch when you know what's happening. I do love his robe though. That's amazing. This Rahvin is so much more insidiously awful than the Rahvin in the books, who was just more straight-forward as an abuser. Much like Lanfear, depth and nuance was brought to him, both in the writing and in the performance (which is excellent).

When Elaida enters, she notices the repair work done on one of the columns -- so enough time has passed that they've been able to fix up the Hall to look... mostly good as new. And they do have the One Power to help them.

"And what time of day are they kidnapped?"

Literally, I laughed out loud. Morgase is genuinely funny in how biting she can be. I enjoy her a lot.

After Morgase and Siuan posture at each other, we get the confirmation here that the Andoran royal family has their own official quarters in the Tower (so that's where Elayne was staying when she was here before). It's a pretty tense confrontation, where both Siuan dresses down a sitting queen and, while Morgase backs down slightly, she then also goes on the attack, pointing out that Siuan may be called 'Mother' as her title but she is not actually a mother and does not understand Morgase's feelings about her daughter.

I love the music in the "Rand & co travel to the Waste" scenes so much. I'm pretty sure it's Rand's theme, yeah? Gorgeous music.

lol Aviendha cracks me up too. Between Morgase and Aviendha, we have had so much hilarious judgement happening on the screen this episode. Everyone looks very cute in their traveling gear. Rand looks particularly hot, very nice fit on him.

This is such an awkward roadtrip, bless.

You have Egwene and Rand, who have Not Talked about their relationship status and who maybe had sex on that last night in the Inn before a mirror manifestation of Rand attempted to strangle Egwene, but maybe not, but definitely haven't been having sex while cuddling on the side of the road within earshot of three other people. You have Moiraine and Lan, who are having a private disagreement on exactly how ruthless is too ruthless, and who think that Rand should be going somewhere completely different than the place he's currently going. And you have Aviendha, the only Aiel here, saddled with three wetlanders and a man who should act Aiel but acts like a wetlander instead.

Perrin's roadtrip home is much less awkward, bless.

I love the effects for when the Waygate is being opened by Ogier key instead of channeling. It's beautiful!

We get a reminder of Perrin's tracking abilities, we get a little bit of lore on the Longing (Ogier die if they're away from home too long), we get given a reason to be suspicious of Alanna and Maksim later on (Loial says only Darkfriends go through the Ways without an Ogier, which is a call back to Liandrin kidnapping the girls in s2). Short scene that accomplished quite a bit and has gorgeous scenery to boot!

Next comes Elayne's reunion with her brothers! And her... 'reunion' with Gaebril. The pause with Elayne is even longer than the ones with Siuan & Leane, likely because Elayne needs more layers of Compulsion woven in, since Gaebril is supposed to be part of her household. And we see Rahvin echoing what Elayne would want out of a stepfather -- he's indulgent with her but honest; he shares her annoyance over Galad's stuffiness. Show!Rahvin is really very much that "what women actually want" meme, which makes him even scarier than he is in the books.

We see that Elayne has a close and teasing relationship with Gawyn and a stiffer and more formal relationship with Galad, who is also the one who is clearly designated as Mommy's Rule Enforcer. Though Elayne is clearly much closer to Gawyn, she's more mildly annoyed and stifled by Galad than anything else, I think. But I do suspect that Galad and his rule enforcing has definitely shaped a lot of the way that Elayne lets loose when she doesn't have a Rule Enforcer around.

"Morgase, let all of her ducklings out of her sight at once?"

Obviously, this is Rahvin talking, but the decision that Morgase made (to not let Galad and Gawyn join Elayne in Tar Valon) predates his intrusion into Morgase's life, so that was all her choice and I think this reasoning probably does apply - Morgase was nervous about all of her kids being away from her at the same time, so chose to keep home the ones that didn't absolutely need to leave.

"You know nothing of the world. It makes you vulnerable."

While Galad delivers this... poorly (he and Moiraine went to the same school of not being able to read the room), the actual content of what he's saying -- that Morgase's overprotectiveness might done more harm than good has theoretical merit. Theoretical. Of course, we've actually seen Elayne facing adversity and seen that she was able to handle it quite well. Galad sees what he wants to see when he looks at Elayne, I think, and not actually Elayne (oh, hey, it's like we're talking about Rand's character themes all over again!).

He wants a little sister to protect -- he actually tries to do that over and over in these two episodes. He tries to do it to Nynaeve and Min, neither of whom need it any more than Elayne needs it. Elayne grew up when Galad wasn't paying attention and he hasn't adjusted. I'm pretty sure when he looks at her, he's seeing preteen Elayne with dirt on her knees from climbing the garden walls without permission.

And Galad's personality is so overpowering that Gawyn kinda drifts along with him, making jokes and being the Fun Brother for Elayne.

Ryma! I was so glad that the subtitles told me her name because if you change someone's hairstyle I will not recognize them (see: my bafflement over Elayne-notElayne in the teaser trailer, who was definitely actually Elayne but with a different hairstyle and eyeliner).

I really like that Ryma is the person who is leading this effort to help Mat, and we can see Nynaeve still looking at her at a mentor figure, one less complicated and dangerous than Liandrin. Ryma wasn't captive for too long before the Seanchan were driven off, I don't think (I think it might have only been a day or so) but we can see from how she talks about mental injuries lingering that she is still taking time to emotionally heal herself, without Basan.

"Healing him? I won't lie, Wisdom. I fear we may as well be trying to bring him back from the dead."

Basically a fancy way of saying that she believes that it's impossible. She doesn't think whatever's happening with Mat is something that can be healed.

"The alliance between Andor and the White Tower is the axis upon which which peace in the Westlands exists."

*stares off into the distance*

Ah, yeah. Not gonna be great when Elayne goes missing again after 3x03. That's gonna be real bad. Especially since Siuan promises Morgase here that Elayne is safer in the White Tower than anywhere else in the world.

The question is also brought up in this scene how much of the posturing between Morgase and Siuan is real and how much was done for the public eye -- Siuan mentioning that they both know how they need to behave in public. This is where some of Siuan's posturing about Liandrin sits too, where she was explaining things for the Sitters in the Hall - Siuan herself isn't actually shocked that Liandrin *would dare* but she is emphasizing that point to her audience of Sitters and (presumably, if four Sitters hadn't revealed themselves as Black Ajah) likely planning to roll that into her big pitch about how they need to change their way of handling the Dragon to be less about "control" and more about "partnership", thus mending the gap between herself and Moiraine's handling of Rand. But there were many more Black Ajah Sitters than Siuan had ever dreamed possible.

This scene between Elayne and Morgase is so good. How Elayne does revert to being a bit younger in her mom's presence, the way that we see Morgase relax in a way that we haven't seen before now, because this is her precious baby girl, and how much of a lead she's willing to give Elayne before she does pull back on it. The little moment when Elayne says "Mum" instead of "Mother" when she can tell that she's hurt Morgase's feelings, and how Morgase overpowers the conversation after that and simply Tells Elayne How It Will Be and reminds her of Where Her Duty Lies (and this is something that Elayne very much feels the weight of, as she touched on this subject with both Aviendha and Rand in 3x01, though that was regarding Rand's duties and not her own).

"I want to stay, Mother. I want to be an Aes Sedai." "Oh, love. I wish I could give you all the things you want."

Elayne sounds so much younger here, especially when you compare it to how she was talking to Rand during 3x01. She can see the future that she pictured for herself disappearing without a trace as she's pushed back inside Caemlyn's safe and suffocating walls.

Snapshot: Rand and Egwene, still not talking to each other about their relationship.

Egwene is thinking about her Accepted Test, almost certainly, as she touches her Accepted ring and watches Rand and Lan spar. In this scene, we see both Moiraine trying to get Egwene to confide in her, and Lan trying to get Rand to confide in him. They both fail.

It does remind me of how Moiraine was able to reach out in Egwene in 1x02 but none of the boys (especially not Rand). She sees something in Egwene, some reminder of perhaps herself. Maybe Siuan. She sees the determination and the drive. And she tries to get Egwene to see that the two of them are aligned but Egwene isn't reaching back out to her.

Lan trying to get Rand to talk about his feelings is very lovely to see and even though it didn't work, we do hear later from Rand that he appreciates Lan's willingness to listen to him.

Now the specific thing that Moiraine brings up here is what Siuan brought up in 3x01 and that Egwene's Test brought up -- that Rand might go mad and hurt her. The idea of Rand going mad and hurting the people he loves is a reoccurring theme. It's the whole reason that he asked Moiraine to lie to his friends and pretend to them that he was dead. It was the fear haunting his steps every day in Cairhien. And now it's the fear haunting Egwene too. And she doesn't feel like she can share this fear with anyone -- she can't share it with Rand, because she doesn't want him to feel like she's afraid of him. And she doesn't trust Moiraine enough to share it with her, because she's worried anything she tells Moiraine might get used as a weapon against Rand. Much like Rand has placed the idea of trust within people from the Two Rivers, so has Egwene, I think.

It seems very lonely to me.

I really like the prophecy discussion that we get here, where Aviendha tells us a little bit more about how Aiel prophecies about the Car'a'carn are more nuanced than wetlander prophecies about the Dragon Reborn. And Moiraine is definitely interested to find out more about these prophecies, since she is being swept along by Rand regardless and she wants to have something solid underneath her feet.

It is funny to hear Aviendha calling wetlander prophecies "clean" after Rand spent multiple scenes in 3x01 complaining about how unclear they were and how many contradictions they seemed to have.

The landscape is so gorgeous. I'm glad they get to shoot on location. And the place where the Two Rivers is set is just beautiful.

Perrin has finally come home, only to find that home changed while he was gone. He's not the only one who changed.

Whitecloaks have come to the Two Rivers.

Hmm, so no sign of Fain yet in the Two Rivers in either 3x02 or 3x03, but he was definitely done up in Whitecloak gear in the group enemies poster, so that's interesting.

We also haven't seen or heard anything about the dagger yet this season. Both Fain and the dagger are MIA.

Are they MIA in the same place?

We get another little confirmation here that the EF5 have been writing back regularly to the Two Rivers (Perrin was also doing this last season when he was on the road hunting the Horn) -- or at least Egwene and Perrin have.

Morgase talking to Elaida for the local gossip among the other Reds, but just as Elayne wouldn't tell Morgase any details about the recent attack, none of the Reds have been talking to Elaida. Of course, it was 'Sealed to the Hall' and it sounds like Siuan has been trying to make sure it stays that way. Cleaning things up as quickly as possible and issuing orders that this is "internal Tower business" and that no one is to talk about it. Siuan is in damage-control mode and I wish I could say that I think it'll get better but I also know that the Daughter-Heir of Andor is going to disappear from under her nose a second time at the end of 3x03 so...

"There is a real fear among the Sitters, which is uncommon."

Oof, yeah. Several of them recently died and they can't talk about why or what happened. The stress levels must be through the roof. There's word that there was "a Darkfriend" in the Tower, but not that there were at least five that the Sitters would know about, and not who it was.

Siuan, Leane, and Verin trying to figure out how to keep doing damage control with Elaida around, with Siuan banking on the fact that she's Morgase's advisor and will be leaving with Morgase. Leane is the one cautioning that they shouldn't be trusting more people and, this time, it seems like she's talking about Min, who Verin and Siuan are trusting to give them information about people via her viewings. It sounds like it was Verin who found her in Cairhien and brought her back to the Tower?

I am really glad that the show went with Min pretending to be a servant instead of the route that the books take in this plotline. Yeah, we learn that Verin has been having Min pose as a servant to try to get an idea of what might happen in the future.

"I've been seeing dead Aes Sedai. Dead Warders, here, at the Tower."

Min guesses that some kind of battle must happen here in the future (because her viewings are always about the future). At least nine dead Aes Sedai, she tells Siuan, Leane, and Verin here. We don't see her having any viewings of these three specifically -- the show has been more sparing with her viewings than the books generally were, which I think is a good choice.

Overturned bottles on the floor in Mat's room. He's still drinking a lot -- trying to drink and flirt his problems away. Today, he is flirting with a novice of the White Tower named Clara. We get another hint that Mat is down with group sex that includes men, when he's still game about being with Clara once he thinks there are potentially "andoran princes" about to be involved in the days' events, but of course it's only Clara's friend inviting her to go ogle Galad & Gawyn with her.

I do think is this partly the show's more sexually unrepressed vibe, but this is the third time Mat's implied he's down to be with multiple partners at a time -- there's the "if you think she's up for it" in s1 when he temporarily thinks (or pretends to think) that Rand is talking about them both having sex with Dana; there's him trying to flirt heavily with Bain & Chaid (being aware that they probably come as a set); and then there's his "the more the merrier" vibe here when he thinks that Clara has invited friends.

So knowing that Elayne has been summering here, and the novices excitedly announcing that ~the Andoran princes are here~, I don't think this the first time that Gawyn & Galad have put on a show for the ladies in the Tower (would not be surprised if they both had their sexual awakenings here, in fact, as it seems that their big show-off fights have a tendency to lead to them getting a partner for the night). We see novices, Accepted, and some Aes Sedai and servants, all watching the show.

Min briefly shows up and spots Mat, then quickly takes a swing of her drink and exits (is she not ready to talk to him yet?). It seems at first that she was about to settle in and watch the show but after she sees Mat on the far side of the courtyard, she leaves pretty quickly.

Elayne and Mat are the only two people not enraptured by the show -- Mat is officially no longer the most interesting man in the White Tower, and Elayne is being So Brave about how her brothers are embarrassing her by showing off so that they can hook up with some of the women here. Nynaeve is enjoying the show but doesn't think much of the brothers as people (and we get a nice little bit of banter between her and Elayne about it). Mat and Elayne's faces during this scene are my favorite part about it, lol, though I don't mind the acrobatic sparring around.

It is interesting to me that Galad looks around for the reactions from the crowd before he goes for the sword at the end. Is he deciding whether or not to try to extend the match? Assessing if he and Gawyn have already put in enough of a show to secure themselves bedpartners for the night? It's just an interesting beat for me.

"My family never turns up anywhere without each one of them having 12 plots and plans they're hatching. And that's just what you can see on the surface."

Elayne is definitely having a moment of melancholy here, though it doesn't last too long. Thinking about how her mother is insisting that she leave the Tower, but maybe also thinking about whether or not she does the same sorts of things that her family does.

"You are the only two in the Tower I can be absolutely sure are not Black Ajah."

Siuan including Elayne in this play here is so incredibly dangerous of her. I wonder if she was assuming that Nynaeve wouldn't be able to keep it a secret, or if she figured that Nynaeve would need help. But Elayne is, as Liandrin said "a complication".

Her political importance means that including her in things like this is potentially very very dangerous, and the consequences of Siuan's choice here is going to lead to Elayne disappearing from the White Tower (again), and this time Elaida, Gawyn, and Galad are all on the scene to 'witness' her disappearance (as it were). We've been warned several times in these first three episodes how important the alliance between the White Tower and Andor is, and how key Elayne is to that alliance, so Siuan is taking a desperate gamble here.

I understand it, because the threat of the Black Ajah is that grave. Siuan learned that four Sitters of the Hall were all Black Ajah. She may or may not know about Jeaine and Chesmal as well (since it sounds like Alanna disappeared with Ihvon directly after the battle) but has probably guessed about them, since they abruptly vanished from the Tower. Even Leane and Verin must come under her suspicion now, since she had her moment last season when she doubted even Moiraine. But Nynaeve and Elayne both helped Rand in Falme. Elayne saved Rand's life, and Nynaeve is from Rand's village.

She's taking what she can get, in other words. But it is a dangerous gamble, especially since she doesn't tell the girls "when I say 'investigate', I mean get information that you then give to me, which I will then follow up on; please do not sneak away from the city to investigate on your own". She may be assuming that Elayne will intuitively understand this (and Elayne may assume that her talk with Morgase at the end of this episode also covers her in the event of her second disappearance from the Tower but I, ah, really have my doubts about that).

Elayne worrying about Nynaeve being involved because of her block preventing her from using the Power on command, awww. <3

Confirmed here that Liandrin is the strongest of the Sisters who went with the Black Ajah group, which is probably another reason why the others worked so hard to keep her alive (in addition to her being their main contact with Lanfear). Siuan also points out that Nynaeve could have been targeted for a kill during that fight in the Hall and yet she wasn't, so we have some additional set-up here about how Nynaeve and Liandrin's complicated relationship might come into play later in the season.

"And why should we trust you?" "That's exactly how I want you to think."

You may regret this attitude, Siuan, after Nynaeve and Elayne disappear from the Tower without telling you where they're going! (and since Amico and Joiya are both lying their asses off about Liandrin's destination, further questioning of them won't help)

After Nynaeve and Elayne speak alone, Elayne speculates that part of the reason that Siuan brought her into this, specifically, was to try to prevent her from being back to Caemlyn with Queen Morgase. We get a minor breaking moment between Elayne and Nynaeve here, when Elayne disappoints Nynaeve by choosing her duty to Andor over her duty to help in the fight against the Black Ajah. "I should have known better than to..." just after telling Elayne that she was the only person that Nynaeve would trust to help her with this. Heartbreaking!

And so we lead into Elayne struggling between her two duties, and how she can reconcile them both.

Back in the Two Rivers, Perrin is getting the update on the Trolloc situation (bad) and the Whitecloak situation (also bad). The word that the Whitecloaks are spreading is that he killed Daddy Bornhald in Falme and that he's a Darkfriend. They're offering 100 pieces of gold for anyone related to him, and so Bran, Tam, and Abell have smuggled all of the Aybaras out of the Two Rivers for the time being, so now we have a reason in place for why we won't see those actors.

Alanna and Maksim are so emotionally-stripped down and joyless, compared to how they used to behave. It's heartbreaking. They do appreciate Bain & Chiad's takes on the situation, though.

Perrin and Loial try to ask Alanna and Maksim some questions about how they got here (she deflects) and how Alanna got injured (Trollocs).

This is when Perrin makes his decision that he should turn himself into the Whitecloaks in order to get them to stop harassing the Two Rivers people, and he confesses to Marin al'Vere that he did kill Daddy Bornhald in Falme.

So far, after a brief but unknown time-skip between episodes, this episode has all been covering a single day and now night has fallen on that same day.

Okay, now it is time to get into Lanfear messing around with Egwene's and Rand's dreams. *crackles knuckles*

So I absolutely remembered that the show made a point of illustrating to us that Lanfear was screwing with their dreams at the same time, but I didn't remember that the reveal was the very first time that Randfear see each other again after parting ways in s2.

Episode one makes a point of having Lanfear only have scenes with Moiraine and we only have one reference to the fact that she's prodding Rand in his dreams (and it's because Rand actually told Moiraine about her doing it! another show of trust and vulnerability from Rand to Moiraine that I don't know if she gave enough weight to). And now that Randfear do finally have a scene together, the show deliberately intercuts it with Lanfear actively torturing Egwene with memories of her time as a damane with Renna.

We learned in 3x01 that Egwene has been having these dreams every single night for the past month (and Rand has probably been having Lanfear bugging him about Tear every night too).

So. Let's add up what Lanfear has been up to:

torturing Egwene every night

working on trying to get Rand to go to Tear to get Callandor

(probably) having Liandrin steal objects of power from the 13th Depository, the most important being (as we learn in 3x03) part of a male a'dam that can be used to collar the Dragon (and that is certainly what Liandrin believes its purpose to be)

(probably) tried to have Siuan kidnapped

attacked Mat, Perrin, & Rand in an attempt to scare Rand's friends away from him because she believes his friends are holding him back

So, you know. I'm not feeling too much like she wants to turn away from the Shadow. No matter what she tries to tell Rand.

There are a couple of items on there that aren't 100% confirmed, but since Lanfear did poach Liandrin from Ishamael last season, it seems pretty likely that she's the one giving Liandrin her orders right now.

The fact that Lanfear can mess around in two people's dreams at the same time is pretty scary!

The way that TAR Lanfear is copying Egwene's hairstyle is made so obvious by them matching the shot of Egwene cuddling in Rand's arms (IRL) to Lanfear cuddling in Rand's arms (TAR).

Things I will note: Rand and Lanfear are both fully-clothed (if perhaps in sleepwear) during this scene.

The place where Lanfear has the two of them meeting up is in Rand's room in Cairhien, where she used to have sex with him as Selene - and, honestly, it's no wonder that Selene is on Rand's mind with Lanfear doing her best to remind him of their times together every single night.

Rand talks about how (during the times he was with Selene) he thought that this room was the only view that he'd have for the rest of his life (due to going mad and dying young, presumably).

Rand talks about how he thought the rest of his life was going to be here in Cairhien - "In this room." I am pretty sure that Lanfear just mentally inserted "with you" into his words there even though he didn't actually say it.

The big Lanfear & Egwene parallel - living in the past. Both Lanfear and Egwene are trying to hold onto relationships that have reached their natural endings. First Lanfear was trying to push and prod Rand into being LTT for her, and now she's trying to go back to when she was Selene for him, and he was her obedient rent boy (this time did not actually exist for Rand & Selene, which is part of what makes me doubt her accounts of her time with LTT as well. We still have not seen the two of them interacting in the Age of Legends -- we've only seen LTT with Latra and with Ishamael). Similarly, it is a habit of Egwene's to cling to the reliable safety of her relationship with Rand when she's been faced with trauma (but that safety is an illusion).

Rand has Lanfear's number and she does not have his. When she muses that them together in this room "might have been a nice life", Rand counters that it wouldn't have been big for her (correct) and she says that it wouldn't have been big enough for him either (incorrect). All her boasting about how well she knows him, but the show has made a point of showing us Rand's actual dreams about his life, and they involve quiet domesticity. And even Lews Therin was doing everything that he was doing for the sake of creating a safer world for his kid (oh, wow, surprise LTT & Morgase parallels!). That's what we learned in the 1x08 cold open when LTT was talking to Latra.

Lanfear's words about ~knowing Rand best~ and being the ~only one who cares about him as a person~ really only hold water if none of the Two Rivers people are around, so she must be absolutely pissed that Egwene is still here, after all the work she went to in 3x01 to try to instill some terror of Rand into the girl. I imagine that anger is part of what is driving the way she treats Egwene in her nightmares.

"You're heading to the Aiel Waste? What happened to Tear and Callandor? It's harder to protect you from the Forsaken if you don't tell me what you're doing. What you're thinking."

He doesn't breathe a word of his intentions in the Waste to Lanfear here, only responds to her point about him making it harder to protect him from the Forsaken if she doesn't know where he is by saying that going somewhere unexpected will help protect him from the Forsaken.

"There are Darkfriends everywhere." Rand is definitely thinking about that, I promise you, Lanfear! But, yeah, Rand was offering Moiraine more emotional vulnerability than he's giving to Lanfear here.

I am honestly baffled that some people got "Rand has been having sex with Lanfear for the past month" out of these scenes. They keep all their clothes on. Rand gives her no information at any point that she doesn't already know. She's the one who takes his hands and places them on her body, and he pulls away and warns her against insulting Egwene.

She is also doing her best over in Egwene's dreams to drive up Egwene's fears of being overpowered and controlled.

"Someday, [Egwene's] going to see you as you really are, you know. The way I see you. All that darkness raging beneath that farm-boy smile."

I am thinking about what Siuan said to Nynaeve in this episode about Liandrin. She didn't kill you. Think about how you can exploit that weakness. Rand knows that he's Lanfear's weakness.

I do think that Rand is still physically attracted to Lanfear (there is one moment where he leans in towards her) but I don't think he's particularly happy about that and there really is no indication in this scene that he and Lanfear have actually acted on that attraction in the past month, only that she is trying to manipulate him to getting to the point where he will break and finally give her what she wants.

So. That's my opinion on that.

And, though I saw some reviewers treat this as a joke, Rand explicitly calls what he's experiencing "nightmares" when he's trying to comfort Egwene after they both wake up from their Lanfear-invaded dreams. "I have nightmares too. Remembering things I've done." The things that Lanfear sees as fond reminders of their time in Cairhien are uglier reminders to Rand of how he didn't see that there was a literal Forsaken in his bed.

But before Egwene wakes up for real, she does manage to wrench herself away from her Lanfear nightmare and briefly meets Bair, who tells her "You do not belong here" and then presumably told Rhuarc about the strange girl who was wandering around in her dreams last night (hence them finding Rand's group the next day).

But yeah, Rand is Egwene's safety blanket for her nightmares (which means, ironically, that the very thing that Lanfear is doing to attempt to drive Egwene away from Rand is actually making Egwene cling to Rand even more tightly).

For once, Mat isn't being haunted by the voices of his last lives, but instead is being haunted by the very living voices of Galad and Gawyn having sex on the rooms on either side of him. A knock on the door gives him hope and he gets extremely excited about potentially being able to make fun noises of his own with a friend for the night... and is let down when it ends up being Min,

I... I am not entirely sure how to parse Mat and Min's conversation. I will share it with all of you so that you can tell me your thoughts on it.

So. Mat and Min do not talk about Rand here. At all. Never comes up. Doesn't come up in their 3x03 discussions either, from what I can recall.

Rand was the central issue at the core of the breakdown in their friendship last season. Rand got stabbed, Min saw that it was going to happen, and this was the central main issue around Mat's entire emotional journey of the second half of s2. But neither of them bring up Rand at all here.

What's up with that?

I can't tell if the show wants us to notice that (I certainly did) or if the show wants us to breeze past that and pretend that Rand wasn't at the core of Mat & Min's scenes last season. Thoughts? I feel like, as a Cauthor shipper who was unexpectedly surprised by how much Rand-Mat emotional importance was put into Mat's storyline last season, I may not be objective enough to understand what the show is trying to tell me. Does the avoidance of Rand's name feel like an obvious elephant in the room to more casual viewers?

Okay, moving on from the topic they avoided to what they actually talk about.

So we start the Mat & Min scene with a reminder that They Do Not Find Each Other Attractive. She finds his bare chest repelling and he tells her that it wasn't meant for her anyway.

Mat is snippy and annoyed at her, and she also seems fairly frustrated and annoyed. He demands to know why she's here and when she says "Siuan wants to see you," he gets kinda smug over the fact that, yep, this was not about her coming to potentially mend their friendship but instead about her acting as someone else's messenger. Better Siuan than Liandrin, but still acting on someone else's orders.

(we also briefly have a moment for the show to let us know that Galad and Gawyn are not virgins)

"I know you're upset with me for how things went the last time we saw each other but-" "Yes, you could say that I'm still a bit upset about how you sold me out to the Forsaken!"

Just... a glaring absence of Rand's name.

"I'm trying to apologize!" Min protests which... I mean, her working for Verin/Siuan is probably her way of attempting to make up for working for Liandrin, but how is Mat supposed to parse that as an apology when this is the first time you've spoken with him? Anyway, after Mat points out that she didn't actually apologize, she does say "I'm sorry."

I do love everything we get here with Elayne. Her trying on the crown and looking at herself in it envisioning the future. And thinking about what Nynaeve said, no doubt.

Her conversation with Gaebril/Rahvin is very useful and illustrative (unfortunately for him as well as for us!). He seems to be encouraging her to go home with Morgase, though, with his mentions of there being unrest and potential uncertainty about her position as Daughter-Heir, so hopefully that means that he's not happy about her decision to stay at the White Tower (and then disappear completely).

So the things that Rahvin knows about Elayne: that she wants someone who will relax and drink with her and tell her the truth about the important things. That she's thinking about the crown, and trying it on. He definitely picked up on her annoyance towards Galad right away.

Siuan and Mat's scene here is very cute and good. She handles him pretty well, leading him to come to the inevitable conclusion that he has maybe been handling things wrong when it comes to the Horn of Valere and all the boasting that he's been doing.

We do also get Mat's formal name dropped here for the first time in the show -- Matrim Cauthon. It's used here in a cute way. Mat tries very hard to be proper in front of Siuan, the way he thinks that he should act in front of someone so important.

Elayne's scene with Morgase here, where she stands up for herself and tells her mother that she is going to stay in the Tower and that she will forge her own path instead of trying to follow in her mother's footsteps... also very good, and a very nice conclusion to the little character arc that she had in this episode, and it feels like this really cements her as having actively chosen to be part of the group (since she really just stumbled into it by accident in s2). Now it's her choice.

The only part of this scene that makes me nervous is that the 3x03 reveal of Rahvin makes me very concerned that every word Elayne said here to her mother has now been repeated to Rahvin. That would mean that Rahvin now potentially has his eye on Elayne as someone strongwilled enough to stand up to her mother and invested enough in the fight against the Shadow that she healed the Dragon Reborn in Falme. Those two things could definitely make Rahvin more interested in Elayne, which is not great!

More Andoran lore -- in the cold open, we learned that the Queen had died and there was a Succession War. Now we learn the other half of why the queen's death caused a succession -- because her heir had "disappeared without trace and was never heard from again. There never was a Queen Tigraine".

Morgase is gonna be really unhappy when she learns that Elayne has disappeared again! Really, really unhappy!

"I healed the Dragon Reborn as he clung to life."

I am imagining Morgase (under Compulsion) recounting these words to Rahvin and am very nervous about that! But it's a fantastic scene for Elayne and Morgase.

But Elayne also makes it very clear here that her plans are to become Aes Sedai, so Rahvin is (presumably) going to be just as surprised as everyone else when she's suddenly gone from the White Tower after 3x03.

"For Andor's sake or for Siuan's?" "For mine. I will go through the Arches tonight. I will root out the Shadow in this Tower. And I will become the first Aes Sedai queen."

And we have more parallels between Rand and Elayne's plots here, as Elayne tells her mother that there's no going back to being sheltered safe at home (though Elayne does soften this by reminding her mother that her eventual destination is to be Andor's queen, and to return home to Andor, but in this specific moment in time, they are being paralleled), just as Rand can't go back home to safety either.

"Safety is a luxury this world no longer affords us," is just a fancier way of saying what Rand said in 3x01 - "Safe's not possible anymore".

So after seeing Rand express zero actual information on what he was thinking or feeling to Lanfear in their shared dream, Rand actually does take steps to go speak with Moiraine, who is actually the person that Rand has been showing the most willingness to be emotionally intimate and vulnerable with this season, despite Moiraine not always being great at offering that back. Because Moiraine already knows the worst of it -- that he was sleeping with Lanfear for months -- and she was still able to tell him in 2x07 that she trusted him.

(of course, he doesn't know that she's been making deals with Lanfear behind his back)

Moiraine is grappling with how little control she has over Rand, and asks Rand why he's training with Lan, and Rand's answer is very telling. "He listens" and the sword is "something I can control". Those are two very important things for Rand right now -- control over himself and wanting someone to trust. (he isn't actually confiding much in Lan right now that we've seen, but he appreciates that the option exists)

And it's Moiraine that Rand shares his feelings about the One Power with, not Egwene and not Lanfear. That he's not afraid of the power but that it's the longing and the thirst mixed in with the poison that gets to him. This is a really good moment between the two of them. And I really love how One Power and the corruption mingle in the weaves when Rand is channeling. And the Power also looks so intimate when Rand uses it (from the very beginning, it's like the Power wants to cling to him).

Morgase leaving Galad and Gawyn behind seems to be a step that Siuan was expecting.

Leaving Elaida behind is shocking for Siuan, because it means that Andor no longer has an active Aes Sedai advisor, breaking a thousand-year old tradition (and we know that Siuan thinks of Elaida as a troublemaker).

And Morgase makes it clear that Elaida being left behind is a threat.

"If anything happens to Elayne, and I mean anything, the next time I come to these Shining Walls, I will have my army at my back."

So, you know. I'm sure it'll be fine that Elayne disappears from the Tower at the end of 3x03! Nothing bad will happen at all!

Ahhh, we get Rand's new theme again! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

And our first glimpse of the Three-Fold Land!

The Aiel come to greet the group (to Aviendha's surprise) and Egwene recognizes the woman from her dream.

"He will take us back home... and he will destroy us."

Very excited about that. <3

[atinyniki]

파이팅 해야지

my mooties ! (in no particular order) pt. 1 || pt. 2

@skzoologist: my life. my heart. my soul. my darling dearest. my wife. my butterfly. my best friend. soulmate, if you will. my life would not be the same without you. i think about you and everything you have done for me every single day. thank you for being with me through all my struggles. i don't believe i'll ever be able to repay you the same way, but i'll always be here for you no matter what. there is no one else i would have chosen to be my best friend, absolutely no one could ever compare to you. your artwork is so fucking phenomenal, i still have the drawing you made set as my lockscreen. your writing is so amazing and perfectly angsty, i haven't found anyone who can write like you. i love our dynamic and how i can speak so freely with you. our personalities are so vastly different and i think that's the reason i find it so easy to speak with you. i wouldn't trade you for anything, zehina. thank you for showing me what a true friend is, i love you sosososoooooooo much cutie (yes you're cute shut up) <3

@writingforstraykids: i love talking to you so much. i'm so glad to have had you from the very start of my whole journey on tumblr. there's not a single moment where i'm afraid to reach out to you anymore. you are my safe place. i know life has genuinely been treating you like shit recently, but i hope you know that you always have me to talk to about these things. thank you for everything, i love you <3

@galaxycatdrawz: azzy. my cutie lovebug. my bomi buddy !!! my little troublemaker hehe :3 i love you sososo much and i cannot explain how much you've helped me within the past couple months. thank you for never leaving my side, you genuinely make every moment so much better. we'll have known eachother for an entire year soon, and i can't wait to find new things to experience with you <3

@theo4eve: theooo ! i remember the last time i made my mooties page, we had only been mutuals for a couple hours. i'm glad that we've gotten to know eachother since that time. we haven't spoken as much since my break, but i hope to speak frequently with you again soon ! love you <3

@shua-f4lmings: my anna bug ! so glad to have met you. you are sososo talented and unique ! thank you for reaching out to me all those months ago, i love yapping about different groups with you hehe <3

@sona1800: sona, my darling. it's shocking how i've found my long lost twin on tumblr hehe :3 i love talking to you and spending time with you, and i'm so grateful for all those nights you've helped me with my feelings. thank you so much, simply for being you <3

@silverstarburst: ash ! we haven't really talked in a while but i miss you so much ! thank you for always being here for me anyways, i'm back online regularly now so i'll always be here if you need someone to talk to as well !!! love you <3

@miuracha: miu my angel. you are so fucking talented and amazing and omg i love you. idk why but i get such bad cuteness aggression when talking about you :3 still will never forget about how i almost passed away after you followed me back haha... and after finding about your 8 million accounts....... <3

@jinnie-ret: jinnieeee ! you are literally just the sweetest ever and so fucking supportive. thank you for always being here for me. you're so talented, and even after my huge reading/writing break your fics were still just as refreshing as ever ! hope to talk more soon <3

@kaiyaba: omg cadence ! i'm not sure if you post anything anymore, but i'm glad we've still been in touch outside of tumblr ! miss you, hope we can interact on tumblr more often too <3

@cham3li: jenny jenny jenny jenny oh my god my sunshine my baby my mini me ! i've missed you so much. i hope we can talk more now that i'm back hehe, hopefully life has been treating you well :3

@milf-ivy: ivyyyy ! it's so fun to meet people of the same culture here on tumblr, i think it's kinda cute how we found eachother in this little community :3 we don't talk much but i love you a lot and i miss you ! hope we can talk again soon <3

@cinnamostar: hehehahhaha stacy... honestly we don't talk much about groups anymore, it's mainly just videogames lol. still so happy to have you in my life nonetheless ! i think we lowkey went on hiatus around the same time, but i hope we can both get that spark back ! love you <3

@hyuuukais: waaaa i have no idea how you follow me either like i am nowhere near your level of writing omg... your works are so fucking addicting and i literally remember how i squealed when you posted your xdh masterlist lol. hope to see more works from you soon <3

@seungiesz: im in love with your little text scenarios. no like literally. we have never spoken to eachother but your works are so cute and i hope to read more of them soon ! maybe we can interact soon hehe <3

@riariks: aaaa hi hello ! i love your little drabbles hehe :3 i remember i used to read a bunch on your old account ! hope life is treating you well and we can interact more hehe <3

@kayewrite: i've literally only read 1-2 fics from you a while back, and from what i can remember, they were amazing. you're genuinely such a talented writer, i know you've been inactive for a little bit, but i hope to see you again soon <3

@anautumncarol: honestly i wish i was able to read more of your fics since you normally post on ao3 but holy shit your fluff is soooo good ! i love reading your fics when i'm in a bad mood ! you're amazing at what you do <3

@starseungs: lord have mercy i cannot even believe you follow me back. you are so sosososiiofigehruifehwuifkjeifjk so fucking talented and you're such an amazing writer it's like flabbergasting. literally continue doing whatever you're doing bc it's working so well and im addicted. not exaggerating <3

@eczlipse: your smut... lord have mercy. i love your writing format tbh it makes it so easy to read ! i don't think we've ever interacted but your writing is so yummylicious like i literally love it. pls keep doing what youre doing bc it's working xoxo <3

@jeonginsleftcheek: ozzy ! im 100% sure you literally don't know who i am bc i think we started following eachother as soon as i went on my hiatus, but i love your works ! hope we can interact now that i'm back <3

@uki-kiki: idk if you write for any kpop groups but from what i know, i love your little scenarios and bits of poetry. i'm not quite sure if you're active anymore, but i hope you're doing well <3

@efflorescing-mary: i love your poetry ! i know you're a kpop stan but i'm not entirely sure you write for any of them lol... all i know is that your works are amazing ! idk how long it's been since you've written something but i literally love the way you write <3

@wmewtew: honestly i don't know if we've talked like ever... but i love the fics you reblog they're so yummyyyy agh ! i hope we can bond over them sometime hehe <3

@aeinzzzketchup: i'm not sure if you write anymore bc i can't find your main anymore :( it's sad to see all these people leaving aghhh ! i hope you know you always have a place here in our little community <3

@thefantasyden: love your writing ! it's so like straight to the point when it comes to smut hehe :3 i haven't gone through your entire masterlist yet, but it's definitely on my bucket list <3

@biteyoubiteme: ugh your formatting is soo nice like i wish i could write the way you do... that being said i love the stuff you write and your content is so amazing ! we def need to interact more lol, expect reblogs on your fics soon <3

@zee-143: i'm pretty sure we met through theo if i'm not mistaken hehe :3 we've barely talked but you're such a cutie and i hope we can get to know eachother more <3

@dmnksrt: hehehhe ik you through zehina :3 i remember you from a while back honestly but i think you've gone offline for now too </3 hope to see you back on soon tho <3

@hyunnjiin: i also don't know if you post fics... but i know you reblog a loooot of stuff ! i hope we can bond over some of that content some time hehe <3

@wooyoungchangbinstaytiny: nithya... you haven't been active since all the chaos ensued lmfao. clocked leah and kylei's asses though, you'll always have a special place in my heart for that <3

@beomiinee: holy shit it has been soooo long </3 i think you've deleted all your fics unfortunately :( but i still definitely remember you !!! i'm always here to talk if you wanna darling <3

@moonchild9350: hehe i loooove your writing, especially because of how fluffy and smutty it is at the same time ! i'm probably gonna read more of your works soon, you have a lot omg <3

@miyaluvvsyou: miyaaaa heheh hiiii ! idk if you write at all but thank you so much for helping with so many of nat's masterpieces lol ! i've read some of your works years ago on your madderton account too, literally phenomenal <3

@solisyeah: hehe your writing style is so cute and easy to read ! it makes your fics so enjoyable. i know your life has been sososo hard recently and i'm pretty sure you're completely off tumblr anyways, but i hope it's better now <3

@evermourning: i know you're inactive too, but i love your series, your works are so fucking adorable ! will miss your writing lots, hopefully life is treating you well <3

@hearts4leeknow: i miss you so much you have no idea. it's been almost an entire year since you've been off tumblr, and everyday i regret not getting to your request fast enough. it's still in my drafts, i wanted to post it when you got back, but you never did </3 i hope one day you can come back to our community, love you forever <3

@slvt4felix: hehe your series are soooo cute and i love your writing ! not to mention your art ?! it's actually so amazing like hooooly shit. you have to start making more of that lol, it's so good <3

@arafilez: ara aaaa omg i've missed you so much ! you're one of the first ateez writers i ever got into, and i think it's so cool how we're also from the same area lolll ! i love your works so much. they're amazing, and so are you <3

@chqnverse: lord have mercy... your writing nora. it's so fucking good oh my god ! it's so unfortunate that we had such a rocky start to our friendship, but i hope we can talk again soon ! miss you <3

@wegc: i genuinely remember falling in love with your writing and sending in an ask after the first couple fics i read by you... i lowkey don't know if you write anymore but i'm glad to see you're still active on your personal account <3

@uknowme-not: i'll never forget you darling. i remember how excited i was seeing that someone had sent me an ask for the very first time. i cherish what you said to me in that ask forever, thank you so much for supporting me <3

@hyewka: stg i go back to your fics like every other day. i will reread the bunny hybrid soobin drabble over and over and over again till the day i fucking die. i'm actually never forgetting about you, you're so cool pls never die xoxo <3

@astraysimp: aaagh your skz!dad fics have always had a chokehold on me, i still go back and read them from time to time ! your account has the cutest concept ever omg i love it so much <3

@redlightsallnight: i think you were last active in 2024, but omg the things you reblog... unfortunately i don't think i've been able to find any of your works yet, but i'll surely read them if i see them anywhere <3

@owocontroversy: hehehhahahah your mood boards... yum yum ! i don't think you write, but you're pretty chill and i love interacting with you ! it's definitely been a while tho, hope we can catch up soon <3

@shampgyu: agh i miss you... i know you've changed blogs but i was too pussy to dm you and ask for your new account </3 i hope that we can reconnect someday thooo <3

@turtledove824: hehe awhhh i think i only remember one of your fics, it was the christmas one !!! but it was still sooo cute, i mainly know you for our interactions tho :3 miss you, hope we can talk again soon <3

@lixie-phoria: i love your headcannons and drabbles oh my godddd ewhjgfuyiewflk like how are your works so good !?!? and you make it look so easy too... you're so talented babe, keep it up <3

@mxltshake: i'm not sure if you post anything at all but i fuck with your reblogs heavy, and i've seen that we agree on a lot of the same controversial topics !!! hope we can yap about that stuff eventually hehe <3

[danieyells]

hey danie! just wanted to talk about the preview for the next episode real quick.

I don't really see the fully/mostly blonde thing on the character on the right, only on the ends?

in my perspective, the character on the right is lyca, they just added a lot of shine to it up top. by the character's ears and the hair spike, it looks black to me. the lighting kinda reminds me of lyca's city warding card where he's eating the pizza.

of course, super possible I'm completely wrong lol - but I will say it's interesting that the only people we see are subaru, zenji, and maybe towa? cause if they are towa and lyca, then it could be like exploring the outside friendships hotarubi has (or maybe just the ones subaru and zenji have? I hope the upcoming preview reveals the full squad)

anyways, thanks for always posting the leaks and answering our questions!

Hihi!

It looks very light all over to me. The bangs especially. I do see the black on the ahoge and back/side though and you're right that it's lit the same as that warding card, but that has a clear light source behind him. . .I don't understand where the light is that's influencing it that mych from this angle??? I think that's what's theowing me the most kabdhdjdb I agree there's like a 90% chance it's Lyca(the other 10% is Haku--he has a similar light color at the top of his hair already) if it's indeed one of the ghouls and not An Episode NPC haha

Towa and Lyca as explorations of Zenji and Subaru's friendships(and since Towa's likely been left with Lyca and probably Ritsu during this last mission so they could take care of the animals it might explore their relationship too) would be amazing. . .also we know Lyca is slightly aware of Zenji's presence so hopefully we can get some more about his ability to sense him despite how weak a spirit he is. . .and then there's the theme of tanbata being about these lovers who can only see each other once a year. . .Towa who loves love and said that he wouldn't be able to stand only seeing his soulmate once a year when he talked about Tanbata on the home screen. Lyca who misses Neros and hopes he can be reunited with him someday. Zenji who watches over his brother and doesn't want him to know he's still there, never to be reunited with him again. And Subaru. . .I wonder what his stake in this will be. "Lost Stars"/"Lost Child(ren) Of Tanbata" makes me assume that somehow the mission will involve reuniting Otohime and Hikoboshi(it's said that if it rains on Tanbata they can't meet because the river floods and the magpies can't make a bridge for them. . .so maybe the ghouls try and help them instead? Maybe it rained in the middle of them trying to reunite and they got separated from the flooding?), . . . . . . .or maybe it has something to do with the wishes people make on tanbata coming true but somehow it's going very wrong???

The next preview is in a few days so I hope it at least clears up who's involved haha.

I'm happy I can help in any way!! I wish I could post better leaks if only for the cards but they're really restrictive about it now. . .hopefully I can keep answering questions though! I've been way better about it lately hahaha fingers crossed I can keep it up and also get back to posting sprites(i've been asked for them multiple times lately it's just A Process to get them the way I do it and don't know how people export them without it being A Whole Thing. . . .) Thank you and everyone for sending me questions and being so patient with me!! 💞

[thefandomenchantress]

(Sorry for not just answering this in the comments, I had a feeling I was gonna go over the word limit (I was correct haha) and figured maybe I should just make a post about it).

Spoilers for Chapter Two Episode 13!

I'll be honest...I am very scared for Ace right now. A lot of his trial behavior is kinda suspicious if you squint, but then again, he's Ace, so he's always going to be hastily throwing around suspicion and be generally incompetent when it comes to solving the murder. And after watching all of chapter two...I just can't accept that it's him.

Now, it's fair to say that's just favoritism on my part. After all, I'm willingly to make a lot of stretches to keep on believing in my Eden's The Culprit agenda. And...Yeah, true, you are kinda right. Even if I was in a scenario where I couldn't find a single objective reason for him not to be the culprit, I still wouldn't be able to accept it was him until he was executed.

But I can't help but think I do have at least a little evidence to prove Ace isn't the culprit.

I actually made a post a while back about the Ace culprit theory, and how I don't think it works. And I'm going to reiterate a point I made there, since I'm not sure if I conveyed what I meant all that clearly.

This is about the tape.

Yes, yes, I know. Everything's about the tape these days, but I still think it's important!! After all, the grippy tape was used in the murder mechanism, and disappeared while only Ace, Eden, and Teruko were in the room. Meaning one of them has to be the one connected to the murder, (meaning they are at the very least an accomplice).

Teruko and Eden both technically could've taken it, Eden much more so than Teruko, but this isn't about them, so I'll skip that. I'm sure you've heard stuff about that before somewhere, anyhow.

Let's get to the main point:

Could Ace have taken the tape?

Okay, okay, fine, real answer time. In my opinion? It doesn't make much sense to me. After all, if Ace took the tape, we have two options:

Ace was planning to murder someone and already had a plan in mind when he took the tape, knowing he'd need it for a mechanism.

Ace didn't have a plan in mind and wanted to murder Nico when he took the tape.

Now, let's take those one at a time so I can tell you why I don't buy them.

Let's start with option one.

Ace knew he was going to murder someone with the tape down the line and took it.

Now, let's put this into perspective for a moment. Ace is actively being murdered. Even if we assume that Nico is not the true person behind Ace's almost-death, we can assume that someone was cutting Ace's neck open before this. And if Ace was conscious, he wouldn't wait for them or anyone else who can take advantage of his weakened state to come back. So Ace must be unconscious at least until Teruko and Eden make Nico run away.

That means the only time Ace can be having even sort of coherent thoughts is in the minute or so Teruko is investigating his body. He is actively bleeding out, someone just tried to murder him, and everything has gone to shit. On top of it all, he's a character who's usually rather impulsive.

And in order for him to have known he'd need the tape for his new murder plan, he'd need to have thought of a whole murder mechanism scheme while under those conditions. Seems a little iffy, but let's assume, for the sake of this post, he's secretly a murder-plan-making genius! So of course he easily thought of that entire extremely complex murder plan that far in advance!

That means Ace has a plan when he manages to get the strength to stand up. He knows he needs the tape, so he grabs it, while knocking Eden over and shouting in hopes it will distract them enough to not notice he took it (Let's also ignore that Teruko is watching him this whole time and probably would've noticed him taking it). He then pretends he's going to go kill Nico immediately, while secretly plotting to kill them or someone else in the future.

But if Ace isn't planning to murder Nico immediately like he says, then why is he so insistent on it? Non-culprit!Ace readings make this easily understandable; Ace's emotions are running high from the murder attempt and he's running off to find Nico because he's angry and thinks they tried to kill him. However, if Ace doesn't actually want to kill Nico, why does he bother putting on such a big act pretending he does?

If this is an act, color me impressed. Ace has, in the past, shown himself to be a pretty terrible liar who is also not very good at keeping secrets. So him being able to pull this off while bleeding out...Yeah, he definitely deserves an Oscar, haha. Because he really sells it. He's banging on Nico's door, yelling in a very aggressive and convincing manner, and tells Levi he is going to murder Nico almost nonchalantly. If this scene was later revealed to all be an elaborate 4D-chess move by Ace, I would be super surprised.

And none of it is even that necessary if it is an act. Ace could've stomped out of the room without telling them he was going to kill Nico if he wanted to, it's not like it was necessary for his plan. After all, if he was planning a murder, why would he purposely prove that he would be willingly to commit one? It's way better to play into his scaredy-cat tendencies here, instead, if he's trying not to gain suspicion. Like, imagine:

Eden: O-oh my god! Ace, are you alright?!? Y-you're bleeding a lot, let's go to the infirma--

Ace: Get the fuck away from me! I'm not trusting any of you fuckers to get anywhere near me! I was totally right to not trust any of you in the first place, you're all gonna try some shit like this eventually! You probably think that now's the perfect time to strangle me while pretending to help, huh?! Well, too bad! I can do it myself.

(Cue Ace getting the fuck out of there before they can realize he took the tape).

I mean, why would he possibly think that pretending he's going to murder Nico while secretly planning another murder is a good idea?! Even if people don't connect the tape to him, they're going to think that he's completely capable of an act like that if he's desperate enough. If he hadn't done this, his classmates might've kept on thinking he was too much of a scaredy-cat to seriously consider hurting anyone, which would help his chances of winning the trial.

You could say he did it to disguise the fact that he had a plan to murder someone later. No one would suspect that he was planning to murder someone later if he pretended to try to murder someone now. But no one was accusing him of plotting anything in the first place? So I really don't see how it's necessary. Better to play it safe than to risk actually running into Nico when he doesn't actually plan to harm them. His little charade can only go so far. The only way this even sort of benefits him is if in the trial, people say maybe he was plotting something, and he can refute with his reckless behavior here. But, uh...Would it really be realistic to say Ace, of all people, thought that far ahead and meticulously planned out every detail in the mere moments he woke up from the turpentine? I don't know, seems like a little bit of a stretch to me.

Let's remind ourselves that, in this scenario, Ace is most likely scared for his life. He is scared someone else is going to murder him now that Nico tried, and that is why he is planning a murder now. In that case, I think the most important thing is that Ace's primary emotion is that moment is fear. Which he doesn't have a very good track record of hiding. When Ace is scared, you will know. So if Ace was scared and planning a murder in result during that moment, I don't think he'd have masked it as well as he did. Ace doesn't seem scared, just angry. Because he hates that, in his eyes, Nico was able to make him vulnerable like this.

I just...Don't think the dialog of Ace in the hallway scene after his almost-death would work as well if he was secretly not trying to murder Nico and only refusing help from the others because he was planning a different murder, and not because of his own character flaws. None of his lines seem disingenuous in the slightest to me. Which is weird, considering all the other times Ace has lied, it's pretty easy to tell.

In short, I simply don't understand why Ace would do the things he did if he was just secretly planning to murder someone. To me, his behavior makes much more sense if he's actually blinded by rage instead of secretly planning something super smart and complex.

...Alright, let's move on to scenario two.

Ace was actually planning to murder Nico when he took the tape, but plans change, and he uses the tape for murdering Arei instead.

Unsurprisingly, I don't buy this either.

If Ace really did plan to murder Nico in this moment and was admitting it full-heartedly, with no qualms about getting caught, why would he hide that he took the tape? He tells Levi he's going to murder Nico upfront, so obviously he doesn't care that they know what he's doing.

In that case, he wouldn't have stealthily picked up the tape while Teruko wasn't looking and put it in his pocket immediately (Both of Ace's hands are seen in his sprites, so it's not like he was just holding it in his hand, if he did take the tape he took it as quickly and unnoticeably as possible, hid it somewhere on his person, then didn't mention it).

If he's planning to murder Nico and hasn't thought about what happens afterwards, or knows he will be executed and still doesn't care, then it's not like he has anything he's going to do with the tape after he murders Nico. Meaning the only reason he would take it, is if it had something to do with murdering Nico.

And in that case, Ace doesn't care about how much the others know when it comes to how he does the murder. So he wouldn't be shy about admitting he was going to use the tape to uh...Idk, strangle Nico? Or restrain them? I don't even really know how he would use only grippy tape to murder them anyways. It's not like he'd use it to put over their mouth to keep them quiet, he's shouting threats to them in the middle of the hallway for everyone to hear. He could not give less of a fuck about who knows Nico is in danger.

Ace has literally no reason to be secretive about taking the tape in this scenario. The only way it would work is if Teruko and Eden just so happened to not notice even though Ace wasn't bothering to be subtle, which is...Kinda weird, since Teruko's usually pretty damn observant.

Plus, Ace has a lot of blood on his hands during the gym waking-up scene, but maybe he managed to get the tape in his pocket before any blood could get on it? Since there wasn't as much on his hands before he woke up? Idk, possibly still notable.

To summarize this whole section a bit, if Ace was planning to murder Nico when he took the tape, he'd have little reason to take it and no reason to take it sneakily. If he was secretly planning another murder, it's hard to justify why he pretends he wants to murder Nico in the first place, or how he even thought up his murder plan so quickly and under such intense circumstances. And since Teruko was presumably looking at Ace the whole time, Ace would have a hard time even picking up the tape in the first place without Teruko noticing.

(I've also seen people say that if Teruko and Ace can't 100% confirm each other's witness testimony about the other not taking it while Eden was on the ground, you can't really prove who took it in the trial).

...So that's it with the tape, I think. All in all, I don't think Ace taking it makes much sense, or at least not as much sense as Eden does.

That's my main reason for being doubtful of Ace being the culprit, but I guess there's maybe some other things I could mention...

Ace is supposed to be the Mondo of the Chihiro-Mondo = Nico-Ace murder situation.

This can be seen by how the almost-murder takes place in the gym, and how Ace is the one who wants to be strong despite feeling deep down that he is weak. He's also the one who is afraid of getting hit by cars, and the one who's friend mysteriously died...

Yeah, I'm willing to bet Ace's friend being dead and Ace weirdly mentioning being afraid of cars hitting him in chapter 1 probably means his friend met a similar fate to Mondo's brother. Except without all the biker gang stuff, haha.

Which, uh, isn't good if we're trying to make Ace not the culprit, since that secret was one of the major reasons Mondo killed and all that. And I was worried about that...Until Ace just sorta brought Taylor up unprompted in the middle of trial. Like, if that was a big, personal, secret reason for why he murdered Arei, not sure why he would just randomly bring it up now when the DRDTdev could just--Have him talk about it later, when he's the culprit. And if we assume Ace thought that Taylor dying was his secret and killed so that secret wouldn't get out, then that wouldn't make sense, since Ace brings it up in conversation without hesitating. Even Ace wouldn't kill for a secret and then blab about it only a day later. So I doubt Taylor's death is going to play any sort of role in Ace's motive to murder.

(Unlike Eden, who's secret does include someone she was close to and probably regrets not being honest with when it came to her feelings and--okay okay fine I'll shut up now sorry--).

Plus, Ace having Mondo parallels doesn't mean he has to be the culprit. Nico wasn't the victim just because they had Chihiro parallels, so the same can be true for Ace. It does make him a little more suspicious, though, sadly.

Also...

I wonder how this would pay off if Ace died? I immediately assumed that oh, Levi will die, and Ace will realize that this statement was not true. But it could go in way more directions than that.

This line has to be pretty damn important if it got the bold yellow letter treatment. That statement is going to affect Ace or Levi (or both) in a very major way.

If Ace dies, then...I guess I'm not sure if that statement would affect Levi as much without Ace being there. Levi has already said that he would not care if Ace died. It would simply be as if he never knew him, like he was a stranger. And I guess, in my mind, it makes a lot more sense if Ace is a living embodiment of what he said to Levi than him just being gone.

I mean, imagine if Levi threatened Ace and then Ace was the culprit in chapter 1. Levi would not care nearly as much about what he said, because everyone thinks Ace did a bad thing by framing Teruko and not admitting to the class that he murdered Xander, even if it was with good intentions.

Now imagine that Ace is the culprit of chapter two. He murdered Arei with not-good intentions, framed Eden, and never admitted he did it until the bitter end. No one liked Ace before, and they certainly don't like him now. He took advantage of Arei's trust in Eden and for that no one will forgive him. Ace was not a good person, and most of Levi's classmates will reinforce this. So if Ace wanted Levi to die, it doesn't matter, right? Levi tried his best to help him, and he failed, but he tried his best, like Eden said.

What I'm trying to say is that if Ace dies here, I'm not sure how one would make it so that this line really resonates with Levi enough to make a significant enough impact on him that it's highlighted. If Ace is gone and made out to be a no-good murderer by the killing game system they're trapped in, and no one thought Ace was a good person as is, Levi wouldn't put stock in Ace's opinion nearly as much as he would, say, Eden's. Ace was a bully and a murderer, so his opinion doesn't matter, right? I doubt anyone else in the killing game will disagree, so I'm guessing none of them will be ecstatic to defend Ace's honor if Levi asks anyone about it in chapter three.

Long story short, this line makes a lot more sense to me if both Levi and Ace survive trial two (Or I guess if Levi gets executed because of that 'all murderers must pay for their crimes' rule but still).

Other than that, a few other points that make Ace being the culprit less likely are that we have no evidence of Ace knowing about where to find Hu and Teruko's old clothes and that sort of thing. Then there's the spelling mistake I don't think Ace would make given how he acts in the investigation and trial, as I said in another post (Would they really make a point to have Ace of all people correct Teruko's language twice only to have a sticking point be that a word was misspelled in a letter he wrote?).

Plus there's the fact that, allegedly, the culprit made the time ambiguous so that no one would know they did the murder at AM not PM, and Ace didn't have an alibi for either time slot. It'd be weird to do that and then not get yourself an alibi for the fake PM murder time. If the culprit didn't do that on purpose, then I guess they just got really, really lucky when no one found the small piece saying pm or am. Like, that's a smaller piece, so it's not surprising no one found it, but it being such a small piece of the note makes it look like it was ripped out purposefully.

Honestly, the only thing I'd sort of like about Ace culprit theory is that it would confirm Ace writes all fancy and nice, haha. Which would be a really funny subversion of expectations, but not funny enough for me to not be sad he's the culprit and is going to die.

Another thing I've seen floating around is that if the culprit really did copy/reuse the Nico-Ace murder contraption, they would need to know how it works. And if Ace was in the gym that night, that would mean he knows how it works and would be able to replicate it!

But this entire time, we've gone under the assumption that Nico (or whoever almost-murdered Ace) knocked Ace out with the turpentine, and that's why they stole it. Ace is pretty strong physically, so someone needing to knock him out to overpower him isn't too unbelievable. And in that case, Ace wouldn't have gotten much of a chance to look at the crime scene, since he was unconscious for the whole murder attempt. The only time we saw him awake was in the time he woke up bleeding out. And seeing as Ace isn't exactly the brightest, I doubt he could've just looked around while actively dying and immediately have known exactly what was up and how he almost got murdered. And on top of all that, if he was secretly planning a murder, he'd have been focusing on his whole pretending-to-want-to-kill-Nico thing, too, further dividing his attention. Whoever set up the mechanism or saw it for a longer period of time without bleeding out, probably would've had a better shot at knowing how the mechanism worked.

Oh, and before I go: I've mentioned this before, but "All That Glitters" and "A Good Person" aren't really themes that I think would suit Ace as a culprit. After all, they mean 'not as good as it seems' and 'being a good person'. Unlike some other characters, Ace hasn't had any involvement in the Good Person dilemma except telling Levi he's not one. And I don't think anyone thought Ace was 'good' in the first place, let alone not as good as he seems.

I could probably go more in-depth...But I'm tired so short, straightforward theme explanation it is, haha.

I...Think that's all? Honestly, I might be able to think of more reasons in the future...But for now, I think I'm done. I refuse to accept the culprit is Ace, so I'm just trying to point out any evidence I can that it's not him. My heart wouldn't be able to take it...

Still, I don't judge anyone who does buy the ace culprit theory, I just don't buy it personally. So there's the answer you were probably looking for, in way less words, haha.

[quintessenceofdust88]

Hii ⌛⌛⌛⌛⌛⌛ may i ask.

And also I've got a question abt this wip. Is Bobby gonna be a father to Mateo or like a grandfather? Yeah, Mateo is biologically his, but the boy didn't know him and now Buck is gonna be like a second father (when bucktommy resolve this misshap of course) and Bobby is like a father to Buck which makes him a grandfather to Mateo.... It's something like from a "once upon a time" where you can relate to one character by so many ways.🤔 Anyway, sorry for this long nonsense 😅 It's so interesting to see how and where it goes

(just to be clear, this is still from my old make me write game hehe, but I'm only posting it now, and i'll link my new one at the bottom, ok? cause this fic is still an option!)

Hiii love! Of course you may! Lemme address your question before giving you the excerpt though! You're absolutely right that there's a OUAT vibe to this lol! 😅 I hadn't realized but now I can't unsee it and I love it haha And omg you have nothing to apologize for do you know how happy it makes me to see ppl speculating about my fanfics? ♥ the dynamics exploration between all of them was one of the main reasons why I wanted to write this! Now, I do think this might be a point of tension between them. Bobby will not want a grandfatherly role, he'll want a fatherly role because Mateo is his son, and he has a lot of lost time to make up for. But Buck (once he and Tommy work things out) will also get closer to Teo, and he's younger, and he's so great with kids, and Bobby might worry about this very fragile position he's finding in his son's life, and it might be bring tension between him and his other son. (Not to mention Buck's worries... 'if Bobby has a 'real' son now, what place do I take in his life?'. Suffice to say, there's drama for alll sides ahead hehe)

Anywayyyy, now that I've ranted lots (sorry about that!), I'll add 20-ish sentences below the cut for you. Thank you again for this ask Rina dear, and I'm sorry I went a little overboard hehe!

- ⌛ (cont. from here)

"Out of all the things that Tommy expected Bobby to say, this was certainly not it. He's upset about losing Evan, of course, but, in the grand scheme of things, he should have known it was too good to be true.

“It's just as well, Bobby. He'd have broken up with me when I told him the truth anyway. This way at least Mateo didn't get attached to him before it happened” Tommy muses, motioning for Bobby to sit. 

Tommy slides him the glass he filled and then fills another one for himself. Then, he sits in front of Bobby, trying to think how on Earth they should start this conversation. A conversation that should have happened seven years ago. 

“Did you… Did you even think about telling me? Back then?” Bobby asks, sounding impossibly sad. 

A rush of anger rushes through Tommy, and he sighs deeply, trying to swallow it. It won’t help anyone, and especially not Mateo, if he loses his temper with Bobby. He has his own truth to spill out, but he’ll try to do it with no resentment. It’s been too long for it now anyway. 

“Of course I did. Do you think I wanted to raise him on my own? Go through a pregnancy alone?” Tommy asks, and tries not to cry when he remembers every milestone and fear he lived on his own. “But you didn’t want to listen.”

“What do you mean I didn’t want to listen? Tommy, I had no idea!” Bobby tries to justify himself, and Tommy believes him, but that’s too little, too late. 

“My last day at the 118, remember? I went to your office after the party, and you assumed I was there to say I had feelings for you, that I wanted to keep seeing you even if I weren’t at your station anymore.” Tommy recalls, his voice completely detached, as if that hadn’t been the worst heartbreak of his life (until tonight, a small treacherous voice provides, and he pointedly ignores it). “Do you remember what you told me?”

- There you go love, I hope you enjoy it and that you have a wonderful week! ♥ (make me write - new one)

[the-himawari-otome]

[Shuuen no Virche] Birthday Short Story - Yves

The birthday celebration of a certain handyman

<Original post here>

･ﾟ･:,｡★ translation under the cut ★,｡･:･ﾟ

Mathis: H-Happy birthday, Yves!

Yves: Thanks, Mathis. And the rest of you guys— I can't believe you went through all the trouble to hold a dinner party just for me...

Adolphe: I mean, you're always helping us out after all. Although... you probably didn't need us to celebrate for you, huh?

Yves: Hey, that's not true. I'm super happy about it!

Adolphe: You say that, but...

*Baaam...*

Ankou: You can't help that thought when you see all the gifts from the townspeople piled up in the garden...

Lucas: Indeed. The moment I saw that huge amount of boxes, I thought you might be moving homes...

Hugo: Haha. He's a real natural charmer, isn't he?

Scien: Well, you won't be running low on supplies for a while.

Yves: Gosh, while I'm grateful for the gifts from the neighbourhood... it feels especially nice being celebrated by my precious friends.

Ankou: ...I see. Our princess and the others should be arriving shortly as well. Please enjoy today's party to your heart's content.

Lucas: I must say, it was surprising that Scien came to participate in the festivities.

Scien: Dahut was nagging me to bring over a birthday gift. I decided to have a drink and a bite to eat while I was at it.

Hugo: Isn't that what the person being hosted should say, not the host themselves...?

Yves: Now, now. Don't sweat the details. 'Tis the occasion, so let's all enjoy it together.

Mathis: That's right! I helped with the cooking too!

Mathis: Ah, but before that... Wouldn't it be better to give him his gifts first?

Lucas: Yes, good point. More guests will be coming later. Let's give him ours first, shall we?

Yves: Huh, you even brought presents? That's too much...

Hugo: Alright, I'll go first. —Happy birthday, partner. Eat this and stay your ridiculously energetic self from tomorrow on.

Yves: Thanks, Hugo. I'll be relying on you too! Is this... a fishbowl? ...And inside is— Woah, there's a fish I've never seen before!

Hugo: It's a big one, right? It's a special catch reeled in by the genius fisher, yours truly.

Yves: It looks like it'll be worth slicing up! I'll cook it up nice and tasty for us.

Hugo: About that. Eat it yourself. Alone. Seriously, by yourself. Down to the last crumb. There's no need to share it with me, got it?

Adolphe: (He's just making sure he doesn't suffer any harm himself...)

Ankou: Now then, as for the gifts from the others—

Lucas: Um. If I am not mistaken, it seems there are ominous sounds and fumes emanating from the gifts all of you are holding...

Adolphe: ...Yours is the same, isn't it?

Scien: It appears all of us had the same idea.

Mathis: I see, everybody brought fresh ingredients that Yves can cook!

Ankou: I-Indeed... However, we also prepared tangible items in addition to the ingredients...

Lucas: Oh my, to think our gifts would overlap to that extent.

Yves: Woah, woahhh...! Is this much okay!? I'm going to happily accept all of it, you know...!?

Adolphe: ...Well, it's fine as long as he's happy. Mine's a whetstone, so you can use it to maintain your sword.

Yves: Great, thanks! ...It really is wonderful to have people who are special to you celebrate your birthday.

Yves: I wonder if it's alright to be this happy. ...Won't God punish me later?

Scien: I won't, so don't worry.

Hugo: Haha. God guaranteed it. Don't fret, Yves.

Yves: ...I see. That's true. I hope I'll be able to continue to spend my birthdays together with everyone I care about.

Yves: And forever with her—who bound me to this fate.

*CLICK*

Yves: ! Hey, come on in. I was just thinking about you. Thanks for coming for my birthday.

Yves: Huh... a present? I see, you also—I appreciate it. ...Can I look inside?

Yves: ...! It's a gorgeous gem— You found it at Marché? And you thought it would suit me?

Yves: ...Thank you, truly... I'm over the moon...!

Yves: I really am blessed with encounters. After all, I was able to meet a girl who's giving me such a wonderful present—

Yves: From the bottom of my heart, I love the happiness I feel for having met you, my hope—

And I pray that in the future that awaits, I will be able to dedicate my first "love" to you...

---

[DO NOT USE OR REPOST MY WORK W/O PERMISSION, THANK YOU]

[greenplumbboblover]

Lyra's Yearly Recap - 2024/2025

I actually forgot I did this quite a few times the last few years, but this year I wanted to look back of what I accomplished from my resolution list.

And then see if In can make some of that true this year! (and what else to add!)

2023/2024 Resolutions:

(See: https://greenplumbboblover.tumblr.com/post/738067930777059328/accomplishments-of-2023)

I'm not answering all of them, but I do want to set some record straight!

Finishing LISISV

Haha... yeah I misjudged that completely lol. I got to a point where I lost complete motivation on... well, everything. I had no motivation for personal projects, CC making (one of the reasons why some of my mods in this year were so riddled with bugs), playing games... hell, even interacting with others. Now you could call that depression, but I wasn't showing those symptoms properly either. I found myself in a weird place where, on the one hand, I felt guilty of that I just couldn't do those stuff that I wanted to do, and that then causing me to feel super overwhelmed... yet telling myself constantly that "adults don't feel overwhelmed on those tiny silly things!". I was pretty mean to myself this year, honestly... But all that sad stuff aside! I have made some personal changes in December that are helping me a lot already, before getting also some mental help for other things. But I'll save you from those details. 😉 --------------- The second thing that didn't help was that I would at some point feel a HUGE disconnect with the characters I had in my head and my actual writing. I would make impulsive thoughts, without realistically navigating how it would work out in the future. I would introduce characters, without really giving it a thought on how I wanted them to come across... how to fully tackle certain cases. So! I spent a majority of that time researching a lot of the ways writers actually attempt those issues and solving those. I was hoping to make a post to help others with that soon, since It's really awesome insight at times! And... then there was the whole posing. But I resolved that with the Pose Add-on IMO already! Chapter 10 however, is actually taking a long time because I do struggle a lot with the fact that I consider it my "old" way of writing, and I REALLY want to move on to my 'new' ideas and style. So the willpower is simply not always there.

LISIV PLANS:

Alright, now that we have all that out of the way, here are some of my plans for this year and the story: Splitting certain stories into sub-stories: My current personal problem I have with the story, is that there are some really cool characters, but with the current format, I can't explore their characters as intensely as I'd like to. I also know that I love to jump back and forth from one story to another.

How that would look like is:

Morgana will have her own "Sub-story"

I am pondering of doing the same for Dustin and Zelda.

We travel 5 years into the future, where I want to do more with Mortimer and Bella. But also the Landgraabs and the Alto's.

I am also thinking of making a separate (short) storyline for Gunther and Lolita. The moment I was making the flashbacks, I really have been wanting to write more about it.

Same as 4, but maybe for some other townies! They will be short, but I think it can be fun! :)

Figuring out what to do with Interests & Hobbies

The infamous mod of being delayed... again :p.

I guess you all are probably exhausted of me hearing "no wait! I will finish it!", and then another mod gets released, and another year passes... and personally I have that same thought.

So I am putting the mod entirely on ice. There might not be a chance that I even finish it ever.

However I do want to add something here:

I will be working much more with Stories be told

I am going to be making more hobby items in return! I have been craving that "small but cool" modding projects a lot the past few years. I just like to be ambitious and unrealistic I guess, lol

However, I will be modding WAY less this year due to other factors.

My 2024/2025 Resolutions:

I think I've mentioned this now a lot of times, but never properly done it...

Wanting to write more. Whether it's for the sims, or even personal!

Wanting to get more into 3D modeling. Mostly for myself, but here and there I could probably release some CC pieces! :)

Keep up with Simblr.cc of course!

Post more of my thoughts on LISISV and Character stuff (@nocturnalazure suggested this a while back, but the more I thought of it, the more fun it sounds!)

Doing more Sims photoshoots!

Either way! May this year be your year! Where issues get resolutions and love is all around you.💖

[vintagelacerosette]

Tag game 🩷🎀

Hosted by the wonderful Jess @jrooc

Sorry for the lateness!! I was tagged by these twinkling starlights Kaka @stocious Dosho @doshiart Kat @mybrainismelted Pie @gallapiech Ice @spookygingerr Michelle @mmmichyyy Willow @ian-galagher Jen @wehangout Georgia @iansw0rld Cyn @ms-moonlight-inn Evie @ energievie Gigi @guinguin1984 Becki @francesroserecs Michelle @michellemisfit

Thaaankss 🥰

Name and A03 handle:

Shermyn/Myn & Dynastyria (no written works yet!💕)

Current Location:

On the lounge couch

Favourite picrew (don’t have one? you can skip this or do this one)?

So many to choose from!!!

Picrew 1 (I am obsessed with cardcaptors) , Picrew 2 (Willow made of usss & I treasure itttt 😍) Picrew 3 & Picrew 4 (bc who doesn't love a good bread bowl)

What’s one thing you want in a picrew?

I think more body size inclusively 🙌🏻

Favourite thing you’ve created (or seen created) for the fandom?

Tie between Molly's draw this in your style/Gallacrafts & 2024 gallavich valentine's!

Why is it your favourite?

It's the first time a drawing really looked how I thought it did in my head & I impressed myself. Also, I'm obssessed with the pastels in the gallavalentine. 🩷🩵💜

Did it come easily or was it hard to create? 

Hard bc I find body poses hard, then I start to procrastinate bc of that, but then I've got the deadline so it makes me stressed haha

Last ao3 fic you commented on?

from way up there (you and I, you and I) by the amazing @sam-loves-seb It was the cutest I couldn't even!!!

Biggest WIP heartache you’ve ever experienced? 

Where the Feigned Wind Falls by the very talented & missed Jenna @ianrightsonly

Thank you for sharing your story & I hope one day you'll come back 🥰

Favourite trope or head canon you like included in a fanfic?

Ohhh gotta be lust at first sight, then we fuck our way into true tender feelings!! I'm a sucker for it!! Notable writers of this are Jane @captainjowl & Kay @goodkwuestion & they are so damn good at it

Least favourite?

I haven't seen with gallavich thankfully but turning one character in a gay ship into the opposite gender to make them het!!

Secret or surprising kink or trope?

Omg it's gotta be uniform kink bc of Ray @whatthebodygraspsnot Kinktober 2022. It awoke something in me & I was like I finally get it ahaha

Describe how you feel after you’ve created something new?

I feel relief & feeling proud. Then I stress about when's a good time to post for most of ya'll to see bc of timezones 😅

Top hype man you have that always helps you get across the finish line:

My loves Benja @svltburn & Vey @look-i-love-u

I run to Ben in my art WIP bc like a kid showing art to an adult & Vey's given me amazing advice with writing that sparked inspiration 🥰

I'm in the headspace of desperately telling ppl about my fic ideas & wanting it to be a surprise so idk i may reach out for more hype men haha

It’s been a bad day, you turn to the fandom and you _____

Like Evie I mass reblog fandom works to spread love 🩷

I'm tagging these sparkling rainbow darlings if they wanna play & for anyone else consider yourself tagged 🌈

@ burninface @deedala @jademickian @sgtmickeyslaughter

@darthvaders-wife @matt404b @gallavichsbitch

@deathclassic @look-i-love-u @celestialmickey

@takeyourpillsbitchh @sickness-health-all-that-shit

@whaticameherefor @heymrspatel @gallawitchxx

@psychicskulldamage @sleepyfacetoughguy @doodlevich

@awa444 @suzy-queued @crossmydna @iandarling

@y0itsbri @michellemisfit @mikhailoisbaby @samantitheos

@pookiebearmick @reganmian @firecrxtch

@howlinchickhowl

[darcytaylor]

I'm aware this is unfair and you don't have to entertain it, but I resent Antonia a little bit for making me think less of Luke because of her actions. Whenever she posts, I reexamine my opinion of him, not because of anything he's done, but because him being with her doesn't square with the opinion I've formed of him based on how he shows up in the world. I know it's not his responsibility to fit in with my view of him, I'm just tired of this. I don't know what to think of him at all anymore. I want to be a fan but she's making it hard. There's always that niggling feeling in the back of my mind of, what if he's in on the trolling, y'know? I just hope it isn't the case.

Thank you for sharing this - it’s an honest and vulnerable perspective, and I know people can relate to the dissonance you’re describing. It’s natural to form an opinion of someone based on how they present themselves publicly, and when their personal choices seem at odds with that image, it can feel weird (I’ve brought this up in another post a while back). I think your self-awareness about this is important, especially in acknowledging that it’s not his responsibility to fit into the image you’ve formed of him, even if it’s frustrating at times.

I also get why you may be questioning if he’s in on the trolling (if there is any trolling to begin with - I mean, there probably is some, but most of it seems pretty harmless). That said, I do think things tend to get blown way out of proportion by the fandom. However, unless there’s clear evidence of something more intentional, try to remind yourself that it might just be social media noise and not reflective of any deeper meaning on his part (and even hers).

On a more personal note, I’ve realized that I wouldn’t likely be friends with Luke or his type of friends (sorry, but it’s true, haha). Theatre aside, I can tell they’re not a group I’d naturally connect with - and honestly, that includes Luke. Have I seen some questionable things done by Antonia and her mother? Yes. But again, I don’t know any of the people involved. Who knows? Maybe I’d actually be best friends with all of them, haha! It’s entirely possible my preconceived notions are shaping this belief.

So again, I can’t stress this enough: it’s important to remember that we don’t actually know any of the people involved, and that includes Antonia (we don't actually know what kind of person she is). The image she’s curated within the fandom is partly her own doing, but at the end of the day, maybe she just doesn’t care about how she’s perceived in these spaces. While that might bother some people, it could also be seen as a good thing. If she’s happy and living her life on her own terms, then maybe that’s all that matters to her - and that could be valid.

I’ll admit, I’m way more of a people-pleaser. I hate confrontation, and I’d feel emotionally crushed if I had thousands of people hating me online. But just because I’d approach things differently doesn’t mean her way is wrong or ultimately makes her a bad person. It might just reflect different priorities, values, or ways of dealing with public scrutiny.

She is also very young, and what she posts is on brand for her and her friend group - which includes Luke. This doesn’t make me hate Luke, though. I think he’s super talented, and I find myself more invested in his career choices than his personal ones.

I think this all comes back to the complicated nature of para-social relationships. It’s okay to feel conflicted or even disappointed - it’s a natural part of navigating these dynamics. But maybe it’s worth considering whether entertaining her social media is really helping you. If it’s becoming too frustrating, it might be easier to block her and remove that source of stress for yourself. I know people on the internet tend to repost things, so it can be hard to avoid her altogether, but there are definitely spaces that don’t focus on her actions and posts. Maybe try to find a community like that (even just for a little while), because at the end of the day, she’s just a person who might be dating Luke.

[moonstruckme]

Hey I’m a silent viewer and I was wondering how you started writing fanfictions? Whenever I start to write one, I delete what I’ve started a few days later because I get embarrassed and feel like it probably sucks. How can I overcome that? I do feel like I have a lot of ideas.

Sorry if I’m bothering you lol

You're not bothering me lovely! I completely get that, I think for me anonymity has made a huge difference, like when I was posting my first couple of fics I kept telling myself "this doesn't matter, because literally nobody knows this is me and I can just abandon this whole blog if I feel like it" (I haven't felt like it and now think I never will lol) and as you continue to post it does get easier. I still post things all the time that I'm embarassed of or that I don't think reflect my best work, but I'm somewhat desensitized to the embarassment now and it does make it harder to be embarassed about a fic when other people find things to like in it. And I think we can all agree on here, most stories are better than no story. That's true for both readers and writers, I think; if readers find your fics, they're generally appreciative whether you think they're good or not, and as a writer I personally feel like I can't write anything really "good" until I'm writing consistently, and writing stuff I'm less happy with is just part of that process. Your process is your process, but I'd advise against deleting stuff unless you're really sure you never want the internet to see it, because for a lot of people (myself included) editing is easier than starting from scratch and something is better than nothing. Hope any of this is helpful haha <3

[lizzaneia-elizalde]

Another yandere set 2 ask, from yours truly! This is another one inspired by the yandere set 1 asks regarding fatherhood…

How would each of the yanderes’ react/behave during their darling’s labor and post-labor?

I wanna know who’s panicking, composed, excited, etc.

Sorry I got baby fever right now…

Yandere men and their darling in labor and post-labor

Assuming the reader this time is AFAB, or is in an A/B/O situation! By the way, i'm so sorry if i'm moving so slow with the requests! I've been busy lately so i'm trying my best to write.

"Why don't you just close the requests?" True, but some people use the ask box to talk and chat to me without compromising their anonymity. So, I hope you can be patient! I don't really like rejecting asks, so I probably will answer all of them. I know, I can reject them or not answer. I'm working on it lol. Especially that there's a lot of asks like these, which includes all the yandere OCs in a set... It's a bit exhausting. I kind of regret it, but hey, we're here already lol.

I added a section of... You'll know if you read HAHA

YAN! DELINQUENT

Liam will definitely panic. He's sweaty, he's smiling, he's about to blow off his top from the way the nurses were so nonchalant with your labor (It's normal). Can't they see you're about to die (You're contracting)?! Oh god, you can't voice out your pain without you talking (The midwives are not dumb enough to not read body language)! He will swear up and down that no more babies. NO MORE! It's already painful enough seeing you get swarmed by other people, let alone touch you.

Post labor Liam will be calm, fussy, and overprotective. Well, more overprotective than usual. He has a 70/30 chance of fainting, and will praise the gods if you delivered safely.

But, if you died... He will let out a gut wrenching cry by the foot of your bed. The baby won't even be noticed by him as he clenches his chest, sobbing and heaving his heart out. It will take more than days to calm him down, and have the heart to take care of your child. He will love the child, since he knows the child is innocent. But a big, gaping you-shaped hole in his heart is carved painfully in place.

YAN! BULLY

Uno will be the quiet panic-type. He sure is calm... On the inside. He's about to scream and rip the heads off of everyone who's touching you even a smidge wrong. NO MALE HANDS! NEVER! He's never been like this, ever. Even in your wedding, pregnancy, he never panicked. So why now? He's biting his cheeks to the point it bled, and you swore every single nurse and midwife in the delivery ward were yelled at by Uno.

Post-delivery Uno will calm down and act like nothing happened. "See? I know you can do it, nerd." Yeah sure. As if you can't see the blood stained teeth from him biting his cheeks. For the first time, he'll cherish a person other than you. He's so soft that it's new to you too.

If you died, Uno will turn the whole hospital up and down. He'll ruin everything, blame the midwives and nurses for not taking care of you enough, the hospital for lacking the resources to make a safe delivery.... And unfortunately, your child for killing you off. I'm gonna be honest, Uno will be the type to blame the child for your death. So, be healthy, darling!

YAN! NSFW ASMRTIST

Rose would be composed. He knew you were gonna be fine. Of course, nervousness will still be there, but he had enough trust in this hospital that he hopes you and your baby will be fine. That, and all of those breeding roleplays was his fault so he had to be composed since he brought it upon himself.

Post-delivery Rose would be relieved. He's right. And the cute little bugger is so small. He fits just by 3/4's of his arm. Wait, why is the baby so small? Are they really this small? But you were eating quite a lot... He's also a big guy, so the genes..? Is it from you? Or just recessive? He will have many questions. All those pregnancy asmr roleplays didn't really help.

If you died, Rose would feel like the whole world collapsed on his feet. What do you mean you died? He swears you would be okay. That you will be alive and well. He suddenly feels an immense guilt eating him up. Should he have panicked more? Should he have ensured the personnel that you're going to be alright? He sinks to his knees, weeping. He will swear on your body to take care of the baby well.

YAN! ISEKAI'ED ADVENTURER

Aeron is definitely skeptical. Sure, this world has magic, but it doesn't have the technological advancement of the modern world. It's also a world where he can't be with you in the delivery room. So all he could do is pace around the hall as he hears your cries of pain. He'll also cry with you if the delivery was too long for both of your likings.

Post-delivery Aeron will burst through the door and will go to you first. "Are you fine? Do you feel lethargic? Do you feel weak?!" The nurses have to pull him off of you so you can have the baby latch on you. He'll pout, but grips his arm as he watches you and the baby with a fond smile.

If you died... Aeron will regret everything. He knew he should have found a way back to the modern world. Maybe you could have delivered safely. He shouldn't have had a baby with you. A demon king's child will be too much on a mage's body, with all of those mana mixing. The whole hospital will be engulfed in demonic power as he suffocated everyone except his kid. He'll disappear with the child, forever retreating to the Demon realm to raise the kid alone.

YAN! PLAYER

Amor would be excited. He never thought he'll finally get a kid of his own after years and his past life. His parents spoiled him a lot, his guardian angels (gods) spoil him too. And this kid? A product of you and him?! Gods above! That's like, such a blessing! He'll be persistent in asking the nurses and midwives if the kid is there, if you're alright... OH god are you okay? All of these other people touching you... He feels the bile rising up to his mouth. But he knew these people are just doing their job, and then--

Post delivery Amor would be all over you. He'll kiss your face, your lips, your forehead, immediately buy you food you cannot have, and spoil you rotten as you recover. And his kid? Oh his kid is so cute! Look at them. So pretty and small... Is that his nose? Oh they got your eyes! His hair color and your hair texture... Oh they're the perfect mix!

This is one of the rare times were you are guaranteed on not dying... In the backstage, Amor shook the gods on putting so many blessings on your body to make sure your delivery will be safe and easy. That the child will be healthy. So, no deaths at all.

YAN! PARASITE

Acheron will be overly cautious one. He will have you deliver in your home, in his lab, where he transformed it to a delivery ward. He trained in birthing too, so he's as good as professional midwives too. He will be there for you, ensuring that the pregnancy will end well. Because honestly, technically speaking, this child is from this body of his and yours. Not your original body. So he's a bit conflicted.

Post-delivery Acheron is smug. He knew he could handle the delivery well. The baby is healthy, and he's planning on how to make the kid a parasite too. Which can earn your ire or approval, depending on what you want. But now, he's content, and actually loved this little kid, despite knowing the biological composition of the kid.

If you "died", Acheron will be filled with regret too. He wasn't skilled enough. He should've listened and admitted you to a hospital. He'll have to extract the parasite from your body and dump the body, and then find another body for you to inhabit. He'll have to nurse your parasite form to healthy levels first before letting you wriggle into a body. He will be a bit cold to the child though, but a bit more time with him will calm him down.

YAN! EMPEROR

Callisto will only have the best midwives. He'll be overbearing, making sure you WILL be alright. He will, for the first time, be religious and pass by the church to pray that your delivery will be safe. He will force himself in the delivery room. No matter what anyone says. He's the nervous type, biting his nail and barking orders if something even went wrong just a bit.

Post-delivery Callisto will be proud. He's not the type to freak out, he'll just feel the calm washing over him as he showers you with kisses, saying "you did so well", "thank you so much", "Take your time recovering", etc. The baby, he's more or less concerned since he knew the baby will be fine.

If you died though, he'll storm out of the palace, then to the church, and blasphemize the whole place. If he's the chosen one, then why did you die? Why did the love of his life slip past him? After hours of desecrating the church, he will be hell bent on revenge, making the church the enemy. His kid will be not loved, unfortunately. He will neglect them, only providing the bare minimum. Don't get him wrong, the kid will be the heir, but they have to prove himself.

YAN! COLLEGE STUDENT

Alpheus would be the type to be suddenly so overwhelmed with worry. Since he's never been one to feel, the sudden feeling of panic, dread, and worry settled in his stomach. He would probably lay down on the hospital floor, clutching his belly as he rocks back and forth. The nurses and midwives would have to fuss over him before you to the point that you're getting annoyed. He will have to be separated from you, or else he'll probably goes to shock when he hears your pained cries.

When you're done, he goes to your side, crawls beside you, and becomes a clingy mess. He'll apologize, kiss and nuzzle you. He can't believe he subjected you to such a painful ordeal. One child. Just one is enough. He can't have you (and himself) be in this situation again. But the baby is worth it.

When you die, Alpheus will for the first time, cry from grief. It's his first time experiencing something like this, that it overwhelms him. He CANNOT father your child. Unless some divine intervention happens and he'll be fine again. The child will go to his parents, and they'll hope that he'll recover, for the baby's sake and yours up in heaven.

YAN! DEEP SEA CREATURE

Viper's not a worrywart. Since you can't exactly go to the civilization to deliver your eggs safely in time, he would have to let you birth on what's akin to a nest. He'll be there with you, his hands all over your body as he whispers encouraging words to your ears. use his tail as a pillow, who cares. As long as you're comfortable and safe, everything will be fine.

Post-delivery will have Viper give one of his rare smiles. He massages you gently, telling you that you did great, feeding you food, and then fixing the clutch of eggs you birthed. He will have you asleep in no time to rest your weary body as he fusses over the eggs and making sure none of them are wrong.

If you actually died during the birthing process, there will be only two outcomes. If you came to him willingly and you weren't forced to love him, he would take care of the eggs diligently, not wanting to waste your life. If you didn't, let's just say a little cannibalism goes a long way with eggs. Viperfish caviar, anyone?

YAN! HUNTER

Orion will panic throughout your pregnancy. He really thought that he's gonna be the laidback type, knowing you'll be fine and whatnot. But noooo. Now he's here, pacing back and forth in the delivery room as he watches your face wince and cry from the pain. Oh, he almost can't take it anymore. He's begging you to get an epidural. He's really doing it. If you refused, he would shut up and look at you like a puppy kicked. But who cares about him rn? You're giving birth!

Post-delivery Orion will have him faint lol. He'll already wake up when you are cleaned up with the baby also cleaned up. He'll zoom past the nurses and midwives then go to you, where you held the baby up to your breasts to feed. He'll feel a much more overwhelming love in his heart, and he cries his heart out. If it's a clutch of eggs, he'll be starry eyed as he watched the eggs float in an egg incubator, eyes filled with adoration and gratefulness to you.

If you died, he'll be more or less in denial. No way, right? No way you just died like that after giving birth to your precious child/children. You just left them like that? You're so heartless. But deep down, he knew it wasn't your fault. And he goes home that day, eyes hollow, but filled with grief and love for your baby/ies.

YAN! KING

Soma would be pissy. Nobody should talk to him, or he'll blow his top off to them. You were giving birth! Can nobody understand that?! This is a crucial time that it needs his 101%, no, infinity percentage of his attention if that makes sense. He'll also break the rules and be inside the delivery room, letting you hold his hand and even break it. May it be from the pain or from you wanting to exact revenge. Who cares? He'll let you break it if it meant your comfort.

post-delivery Soma would be a lot calmer, and he'll immediately order the people to make you more comfortable, and treat you to make your recovery as fast as possible. Your kid will be given the best amenities, and made sure to have the best upbringing. Hell, he'll have the kid enrolled already and they only got birthed lol.

If you died, he'll be in a stormy mix of emotions. First, grief, second, denial, third, anger, and fourth, relief. Soma knew that what he did to you was wrong and not normal. He doesn't regret it at all. But now that you died when he himself did this to you... As he carries your baby in his arms, he somehow felt relief that you're gone from his clutches, and probably off to somewhere safer than by his side. He will take care of the baby, and he will slowly turn to normal.

YAN! GOD

Technically speaking, Liviticus can just spawn a kid. With the right genetic mix, etc. So it's up to you if you want to go with the nuances of pregnancy. He will be calm. Like, calm calm. It's almost unnerving how he smiles and leads you to an almost fantasy like ward (a forest) laid you down on the delivery bed (a comfortable circle mattress by the foot of a gigantic tree trunk) with helpers in tow (fantastical beasts), and guides you to a safe delivery. You weren't in pain, just a dull ache in your system as you push your child.

Post-delivery Liviticus will have him shower you with the most dazzling display of flowers and sprites dancing around you. The whole forest, and somehow the whole world feeling festive as they made this day a celebration, getting a divine message that the God's child is born. Everyone is ecstatic as they gave thanks to you, and worship you, and give blessings to you.

Again, unlikely to die. Considering your mortal body is dead, and now you're a goddess/god, you cannot die no matter what.

YAN! PROSECUTOR

Yuta was a nervous soon to be father, but he's more or less calm. He's following procedures to a tee, almost robot like. But in reality, he's on autopilot. He already panicked enough internally that he's robotic in your delivery day. You're already worried enough, why would he burden you with his whims and wiles too? He can't afford you getting your mind off of the baby at all. So, he's acting all calm and collected as he held your hand, wishing for everything to be over.

Post-birth Yuta will have him finally break down. At first, all of the personnel around him and you will be shocked as he slumps down to his knees. He doesn't even know why too. Until the tears fell, one by one and he's sobbing from relief. He'll thank you a thousand times, prostrate in front of you, and be spoiling you once you're good to eat. He's truly grateful.

If you die, Yuta will also fall to his knees and sob, but this time from grief as he lost his trusty partner, his true love. Why did he kill all of those people for? Just for you to die? He misses you a lot. He wants to hold you, kiss you again... But all for naught. Mysteriously, the people who helped you give birth died in random patterns. He'll also include others to put the suspicion off of him. But who cares right now? As he cradles your baby and watches the whole midwifery section burn and ensure that no mother dies from giving birth, he sighs, and wishes you were there with him.

[they-hermes]

Can't figure out a way to put this without sounding like I'm insulting the guy, but in your opinion is there anything about Sideswipe that's interesting or fun or anything? Thought of this because hard agree on how much all the prankster twins fanon sucks, but that made me think of how Sunstreaker has done so much and has had interesting backstories and has lots of trauma and has so many funny lines and moments, but Sideswipe has practically nothing, right? Is there anything there?

its ok we can say he has no personality haha well its only half true. sideswipe along with all transformer does have a personality its just one that is very generic and does not stand out compared to the rest of the cast, coupled with his limited appearances/no major roles in media. i mean they let sunstreaker be one of the magnificent six and not sideswipe! hes had 0 backstory other than being sunstreakers brother, even sunstreaker was shown to be a gladiator in marvel.

this is his og bio, and its not nothing, but "reckless fighter" is a pretty generic trait for a soldier in war. its even more generic in the transformers, famous war media. i. the g1 cartoon hes hardly memorable, except for making jokes that largely contributes to his prankster twin fanon persona. even the tf wiki makes fun of him for doing nothing

his biggest role as g1 sideswipe is in idw, and he had a spotlight issue, but he appears in it for about 8 pages (the other half is plot that has nothing to do with him) and all of it is complaining about how people like sunstreaker better! for a spotlight you'd think we'd see something about him, but its all just crying about sunstreaker, who has had much more story and a personal arc than sideswipe

so yeah hes so far real boring. honestly his relationship with sunstreaker (which he never has a direct confrontation with until the issue he literally dies) and his relationship with arcee are his biggest traits. great accomplishment there sides.

to be a little nicer, there's still thing to pull from his canon that are fun and interesting. ive made posts about how i think sideswipes one sided rivalry is funny, and i do like his and arcees friendship, even though it was more about arcee than sides bc shes an actual three dimensional character. and the life of sideswipe from OP is a pretty good issue to read, it gives him the most character hes had ever

look at it! sibling rivalry and bitter friendship! fun and interesting, everyone say thank you john barber. oh and he does say "i didn't know decepticons had uncles" from the g1 cartoon thats funny.

so yeah, sideswipe has a few good moments, even under his brothers shadow, i hope i helped you out anon