#I'm having a breakdown tf you want me to do?

[ranbowkng]

His Kingdom, His Power, My Glory

Gary thinks it'll be a good idea to infiltrate the church. A tired priest, with an adorable face, reminds him why that's a bad idea.

Gary smirked as he pulled the hood of his jacket tighter. This plan was genius. Why keep sending cultists to sneak into the church in the dead of night to make a mess of things when he could just spark turmoil in the middle of the day. The best part, they wouldn't kick him out, and they wouldn't know he was doing it. Perfect.

"Morning Father," he nodded, walking right past the priest standing at the door, greeting church-goers.

"Good morning! I- oh hold on!" The priest grabbed Gary by the sleeve, pulling him back slightly, "You're new here aren't you?"

"Ah, was it that obvious?" Gary smiled, fearing that his genius may have betrayed him already.

"Just a bit," The priest chuckled. Gary got a good look at him, he had dark brown hair, and royal blue eyes that seemed to glow. Gary could have gotten lost in that expression for hours, but he had a mission to attend to, he had far more important manners than pretty boys to worry about, "We actually have a rule, no hats or hoods in the congregation."

"Oh? My apologies," Gary said, pulling his hood down, "My old church was a bit less strict."

"No sunglasses either unfortunately," the priest smiled, but his grip on Gary's sleeve tightened.

"Afraid I can't do that," Gary said, "Got a bad eye disease. Don't wanna scare the kids away."

"Hmm," the priest's look was brimming with disappointment, but he resigned, "Alright then, we will keep you in our prayers, but please consider how you're affecting other members of the church."

"Yes, sorry Father," Gary chuckled, wanting to sigh in relief. He would not have been able to explain the peculiar case of his eyes to the priest.

Once he took a seat, he grinned ear to ear. What a fool the priest must have been to believe such a stupid lie. Regardless, the sermon was starting soon. From here Gary would be able to learn just what happens at a church service, and just how he can tear it apart.

As it turns out, there was too much sitting and standing. Too much listening and not nearly enough talking. Too much and not enough of everything, it was mind numbingly dull. Not even the Order would stoop so low as to make it's devoted followers sit for an hour doing nothing with no freedom to move.

But Gary-begrudgingly-endured it. He was certain that eventually something would happen that would be worth it. Then again, if he had to endure one more of those godforsaken psalms! They weren't quite songs, because a song required being good.

Eventually he found something, a payoff. The priest who had greeted him at the door had finished reading the gospel, and he spoke directly to the audience.

"God loves us all," he began, speaking slowly. You could hear the sound of his careful thought between each word he spoke, "The other day a woman had come to me asking how I knew."

This was perfect! If he wasn't reading off of the text then that only meant one thing, an open discussion. And when people spoke without reading off of their source, they were prone to making mistakes. And one slip up would be enough to pick him apart piece by piece.

"So I was open with her," he said, "I have suffered loss, divorce, and failures over and over again."

"Sounds like God hates you!" Gary shouted. As soon as he spoke everyone turned to him. A smirk was plastered on his face. He'd win over the crowd in twelve seconds flat.

The priest just gave him a tired glare before he continued speaking, "Despite my grievances, I still have the privilege of waking up every day. I have a new chance to prove myself every day. And the Lord tells me that I am his child and he will continue walking with me."

"I thought Jesus was the only son of God!" Gary yelled. He did his homework. Well, he read just enough to know where the hypocrisies stood out.

"We are all children of God under Abraham," the priest spoke through grit teeth, "We will be going over that next week."

"Sounds like God needs to close his legs!" Gary's smirk was growing into a grin.

"Alright," the priest took a deep breath, "Let's start over, since you clearly seem confused. I was trying to explain to a woman that God loves her and is with her through her every struggle. And to do so, I used my own life as an example."

"How did you manage to prove it?" Gary said, "Hey! Father! How do you know it's actually God talking!? Are you-"

"Some of us clearly need to start working on our relationship with the Lord!" The priest said, his chest rising and falling quickly as he tried to calm himself, "Some far, far more than others, but regardless. God is patient and will wait for us until the end of time."

"If God's so patient why are you getting so upset?" Gary argued.

"God is a patient man, I am not," John said calmly, "And that's okay! Because God gives us strength. Strength to overcome any challenge like frustration, or an inability to respect your church leaders."

"I fail to see how-"

"God gives us strength!" The priest spoke over him, "I believe we all have it in us to become better people through the Lord. Amen!"

Gary wanted to speak up, but the congregation seems to have accepted it was time to shut up. Unbelievable. How does a man who looks so pathetic manage to control the situation so well? Oh well, at least he can still figure out the weak points in the sermon simply by listening.

Meanwhile, said priest was glaring at him. A far older priest had taken over, but he still was looking straight through Gary with furrowed brows. Gary stared back, not that the priest could see past his sunglasses.

When the sermon was over, Gary was about ready to collapse. How does an hour of doing absolutely nothing become so exhausting? He would never blame his acolytes for their boredom during a meeting ever again.

He stood, prepared to leave, only to be stopped.

"Excuse me sir," it was the priest. He had gripped Gary by the sleeve, a soft smile on his face, "May I speak with you for a minute?"

Gary tried not to let his confident smirk falter, "Of course! What can I do for you?"

The priest chuckled slightly, "Oh no, I meant at the front. I have a couple things I'd like to discuss with you."

"Ah," Gary said. Had he been anywhere else, there was no doubt in his mind he'd be able to strike down the priest with a single glance, but this was a church. He was already weakened here, but this is where the priest would thrive. And yet, he was cocky, "Well, I don't see why not."

"Good," the priest said, "Follow me."

The priest waited for the entire congregation to leave. He stared up at the stained glass window as he waited to be alone with Gary. Gary kept a hand in his pocket, rubbing over his claw-like nails.

"I can explain," Gary said, "It's actually my first time in a catholic church, I didn't know the proper proceedings for the gospel."

"No no, I have to thank you," John said, "When one questions the bible, it means they simply wish to apply it to their life. I'm glad you gave me the opportunity to expand on what I had to say."

"Wait, really?" Gary said.

"Of course," the priest said, his nails digging into his palms, "Although, I would like to make a request." He turned towards Gary.

"Oh?" Gary raised an eyebrow, "What can I do for you?"

"Take off your sunglasses," John said, "I'd like to look you in the eyes when we speak."

"But my eyes-"

"I am not a child," the priest said calmly, "I will not panic at the sight."

"But-"

"Is that a no?" The priest asked. Gary felt that he didn't have a choice.

"Yes, of course," Gary said, reaching for his glasses, slowly taking them off. He and the priest's eyes never stopped looking on to each other.

"Mmm," the priest looked at his eyes, black with glowing red irises, "You're a demon."

"Nonsense!" I'm a normal human being just like you!" Gary argued.

"I'm no fool," the priest said, "I knew you were a demon from the moment I saw your face. Your eyes are a simple confirmation."

"I apologize," Gary said, "I simply needed information about the church."

"I'm afraid that this isn't your territory," the priest said, "Now I have to request you leave before I exorcise you."

Gary chuckled, despite the priest's clear advantage, "I'm afraid I won't be doing that." He used a clawed finger to tuck a piece of the priest's hair behind his ear, "For you see, I have a new interest to pursue, and I have no reason to leave just yet."

"Then allow me to give you one," the priest said. Before Gary could even process what was being said to him, the priest gripped him by the wrists and pushed him backwards, slamming his back against the altar, "Leave this church. If you come back I will give you a fate far worse than an exorcism."

"Heh, I suppose you reciprocate my interests," Gary smirked, only for the priest to increase the pressure he was using to hold him down.

The priest glared at him before speaking again, "You will not come back, but I will keep my eye on you. When I find your lair then we can...discuss things as adults. But for now, I expect you out of my sight, understood?"

Gary's breath hitched slightly. It's been so long since someone's given him a command without solicitation, "Yes sir~"

"Ah-ah," the priest said, "Use my proper title."

Gary rolled his eyes before smirking, aiming to piss the priest off, "Sure thing, daddy."

The priest's eyes remained unamused. He slid his right hand away from Gary's wrist and down to his throat, "I said..." his grip tightened. Not enough to constrict, but enough to cause pressure, "My proper title."

Gary did not want to admit out loud the things that those words did to him, "Of course...Father."

"Good," The priest's voice was quiet, mumbled only so he could hear. God he'd kill to have that done to him with a mattress beneath them, "Now go on, get out and don't show your face. I expect to be meeting with you very shortly."

"Of course Father," Gary said, turning to leave before the priest could get any ideas about exorcising him.

After all this, perhaps information wasn't the only thing he could get out of the church. This would be far less boring as well.

[numberonetribble]

Stuck at my mom's house until the 27th, can't finish the comic I was working on until then :( here's a rough Cowboy!pinup sketch of Bumblebee and some Breakbee + Piston angst:

[starmocha]

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ masterlist ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Sometimes I write fics (and share wips). Or analysis. Or I'm just rambling into the void. I write for a lot of fandoms, but only post Love and Deepspace here I'm just lazy. So...yeah. :D

LINKS: AO3 ⋆ ★ FF.Net ⋆ ★ FF.Net ⋆ ★ Dokuga

OTHER LINKS: Series Index ⋆ ★ Breeding Kink & Family Fics Masterlist ⋆ ★ Tag List

new → old

last updated: jan. 19, 2025

FANFICTIONS

ZAYNE ★⋆. ࿐࿔

you're the only one, my love do you want to build a snowman? (it doesn't have to be a snowman) Carrot Cake I For You — 《 MDNI 》 12:30 PM Checkup the day bleeds into nightfall

— DAWNBREAKER

calling your name

RAFAYEL ★⋆. ࿐࿔

and this year i promise in a gingerbread house built for two never the same

XAVIER ★⋆. ࿐࿔

you shine like the stars, you light up my heart Time-Out

SYLUS ★⋆. ࿐࿔

i'm on the run with you, my sweet love — 《 MDNI 》 meet me at midnight — 《 MDNI 》 ‘tis the damn season and deck them goddamned halls to: my true love Sunday Reset want me, need me, love me — 《 MDNI 》 Bride of the Dragon King :: Prelude Little Dino Hide-and-Seek Elysium — 《 MDNI 》 Relentless Conqueror — 《 MDNI 》 it was always you — 《 MDNI 》 but if it's forever, it's even better — 《 MDNI 》 even if the stars fall down pain is all you'll find would you still love me if i was a worm? (and other thought-provoking questions) yours & mine — 《 MDNI 》 Crow in the Bedroom Caller ID Rock-a‐Bye Unhelpful Company you are my favorite mistake — 《 MDNI 》 tag, you’re it — 《 MDNI 》 fly to you like birds do — 《 MDNI 》 Mirror, Mirror — 《 MDNI 》 call me master (and i’ll call you mine) — 《 MDNI 》

CALEB ★⋆. ࿐࿔

Push & Pull — 《 MDNI 》 Pillow Talk — 《 MDNI 》

OT5 ★⋆. ࿐࿔

but grandma i love him! (and him and him and him and him)

MISCELLANEOUS

Scenarios, headcanons, yapping, brainrotting, deteriorating...

ZAYNE ★⋆. ࿐࿔

Sometimes you just have a breakdown while ovulating and that's ok — 《 MDNI 》

RAFAYEL ★⋆. ࿐࿔

Decorating Nursery

XAVIER ★⋆. ࿐࿔

[placeholder for blorbo by proxy]

SYLUS ★⋆. ࿐࿔

Beyond Cloudfall: In Another Life Daddy is a Kitty? Taking Little Birdie to the Amusement Park Sylus' reaction to his daughter making a (boy) friend at the park Horny Tribal!Sylus Thoughts — 《 MDNI 》

CALEB ★⋆. ࿐࿔

A Colonel and His Lover I'm a whore for him but I like it Caleb misuses his Evol — 《 MDNI 》 Push-ups with Caleb General's daughter!Reader's arranged marriage to Colonel Caleb AU I really am just a whore for this man tf Undressing for Caleb — 《 MDNI 》 Gaming with Caleb

OTHERS ★⋆. ࿐࿔

Open Secret (Zayne/Caleb) — 《 MDNI 》 Me and my hand fetish against the world (pre-Caleb; OT4) — 《 MDNI 》 LADS men's children's names (pre-Caleb; OT4) ⭐️🍎 Dormmates AU (Caleb/Xavier) LADS men being bros Acts of Love (pre-Caleb; OT4)

ANALYSIS ★⋆. ࿐࿔

Hypothesizing Sylus' dragon myth, part 1 Hypothesizing Sylus' dragon myth, part 2 Hypothesizing Sylus' myth, part 1 Hypothesizing Sylus' myth, part 2 Just me geeking out about the Greek myths referenced in the game

NON-WRITING POSTS ★⋆. ࿐࿔

Zayne post I look at to make myself sad The reason I write a lot of Sylus breeding fics Cat Zayne Post Zayne post I look at when I'm sad Sylus post I look at when I'm sad

All Love and Deepspace fanfics are posted only on Tumblr (@starmocha) and AO3 (loveppears (108am)). They will always be cross-posted to one another. Stories are prohibited from being posted elsewhere. Reblogs are ok and encouraged! ♡

If you would like to translate my stories, please message me first for my permission and conditions. Thanks for reading! ☆

[startheskelaton]

I kinda got three questions I've been wanting to ask about the One Spark au!

1. Is shipping Nightflyer, Sparkplug, and Soundblaster and some of the other characters fine to do? Just wondering a bit on that if that's alright!

2. What's like Bumblebee, Rodimus, and Arcee's feelings on finding out about Sparkplug's two boyfriends being from not just cybertron but also one being the son of Starscream while the other is somewhat related to Shockwave because we kinda got some perspective on how her parents would feel in regard to it so I'm kinda wondering the same for like Sparkplug's siblings-

3. Also is Bumblebee together with Knock Out and Breakdown like he is the medieval AU?

Also want to say your art really pushed me to draw mechs more! <3

1: I am begging you guys, PLEASE MAKE WHATEVER SILLY SHIPS YOU WANT WITH MY OC’S. I genuinely love reading about your head cannons, and you know I’m a sucker for shipping in general. To be honest I’d love to ship Sparkplug with different characters based around what AU she’s in, however her age makes it a bit difficult because I don’t wanna be a creep and create a huge age gap. She is 18 in the main story but TF ages are just really weird and convoluted. But I am begging you guys, make whatever fan content you wanna make, just don’t use AI

2: they would be pretty protective, however I do feel they would have their preferences

3:… honestly I’d be into it. I feel like after Knockout and Breakdown force the Autobots to science up a baby for them. They just hang around and tease bumblebee because he’s a prime now

[ajearthlinggg]

exposing you based on your fav will wood/wwatt song (my longest post)

A lot of these have nothing to do with the song. They're basically headcannons lmao. My Blake Jennings is showing

No instrumental chnt except Rhumba sorry

i started this in June enjoy

EIAL

6up 5oh copout: its low hanging fruit to say you hate cops, and I'm taking it. You hate cops.

Skeleton Appreciation whatever the fuck: Covid RUINED you

Front Street: you like Heathers

Aikido!: how's that obsessiveness and inability to let go going?

White Knuckle Jerk: you also like nu metal for the same reason. (Its incredibly horny)

Cover This Song: same as Aikido but only with your exes omg do not text them they are assholes

Thermodynamic Lawyer: PLEASE take time to calm down when you get overstimulated I promise if you don't do anything abt it you will have such a terrible mental breakdown

Red Moon: YOU LISTEN TO MALE MANIPULATOR MUSIC STOP TRYING TO HIDE IT YOU CANT BE IN THE RADIOHEAD CLOSET FOREVER

Lysergide daydream: I honestly do not like this song at all so you get a pass (don't kill me)

The First Step: you're usually quiet but you know how to SCREAM.

Jimmy Mushroom: you're usually quiet but- I'm just kidding. You're always quiet

Chemical Overreaction: you're usually quiet but if- I'm just kidding. You are never quiet

Everything is a lot/dte: insomnia. I dont know why,but insomnia

Self-ish

self/ish: closet theatre kid

2012: fast talker to a not comprehendible level

Cotard Solution: turn off the v-sauce it is 2 am

Mr. Capgras: turn off the 🌽 it is 2 am

The Song With Five Names: you have incredible taste. You can't describe that taste, but hey, its incredible

Hand me my shovel: you were the only talented kid in your elementary music class

Dr. Sunshine is Dead: you love the smell of cigarettes

TNA

Suburbia overture: BPD BPD BPD BPD BPD BPD BPD BPD BPD BPD

222: your English teacher loves you (you're so goddamn gay)

Laplace's Angel: your English teacher hates you. How do I know? Because you can't pronounce anything (its la-plass-es not la-place-is)

i/me/myself: you have to beat off the fake fan allegations with a stick everyday

Wbtta: hey queen. How are those hyperfixations going

Outliars and hyppocrates: you spell the title wrong every. damn. time.

bbw: same as 2012 but holy shit triple it.

Marsha, thankk you: dyslexia and ADHD

Love, me normally: I get it. I'm not even gonna expose you. You already have it bad enough

Momento Mori: you are just SO quirky! (knives whisper things to you when you hold them)

Icimi

Tomcat Disposables: you'd shove photos of your pets in your friends faces even if they were dangling off a bridge

Becoming the last names: you either have wonderful parents in a happy relationship or your parents have been divorced for years and you will never relate to this song

Cicada Days: stop using self deprecating humor around the wrong people PLEASE

Euthanasia: this song is a masterpiece I have nothing to say about you.

Falling Up: WONDERFUL TASTE. AMAZING CHOICE. NO RECOLLECTION OF YOUR CHILDHOOD.

That's enough: you love Alex g you just don't know it yet

Um its kind of a lot: you either already love Scott pilgrim or it will happen. Its a canon event

Half decade hangover: omg twinn!! I have an addictive personality, too!

(I feel like this is a good time to say don't take these too seriously)

You liked this: ...what?

The main character: you can't relate to the song, you hate yourself

Sdrr: IF I SEE ONE MORE PERSON TAKING THIS SONG SUPER SERIOUSLY IM GONNA LOSE MY SHIT YDHZJABXV

Bfb: ur just a silly lil guy

Willard!: you're a therian. There is no human explanation to this.

white noise: you love pink floyd you just don't know it yet

Atkf: HOW TF DID I FORGET THIS ONE anyways you get bad habits (nail biting, staying up too late. Etc)

CHNT

Yes to err: you are still waiting for chnt season 2 BC you want to see what happens with Adam

Your body, my temple: I have a strong feeling you have a tummy ache right now

Venetian Blind Man: you love nobody sexually you just don't know it yet (this is a very ace choice idk why)

Rhumba of Death: you LOVE Halloween

When Somebody Needs You: Tyler the Creator is probably your favorite rapper

Live

Trww

Self/ish: You can't sleep if your room has the SLIGHTEST amount of light in it

10-4 6-up: unlike the original, you don't just hate cops, you hate anybody who can tell you what to do (your teachers are probably just trying to do their job. please)

Cotards Solution: you can't sleep without background noise

Dr Sunshine Lives!: You never get sick physically (mentally on the other hand...)

Where do you get off: omg the horniest of the horny. Gerard Way on stage levels of horny. Nine Inch Nails levels of horny. (Or you really like Umbrella Academy idk why)

Aikido: you can't relate to it. You hate everybody

Take a break grab some water this is getting long

Thermodynamic Lawyer: you have gotten kicked out of restaurants because of how loud you are

Front Street: WE GET IT. IT'S BETTER THAN THE ORIGINAL.

Wasting away again: I am so sorry holy shit

Hand me my (x), I'm (y): you suck at algebra

The First Step: you wish you could do the AUGHHHHHHHH

2012: severe social anxiety

Mr capgras: literally the opposite of 2012 (live)

Chemical Overreaction: you know so many random fun facts

Fibrodysplasia: I'm not even gonna talk about your mental issues because I will be banned from this app (which is pretty much impossible)

Icid

Cicada Days: you also get a pass fuck I'm so sorry

The main character okay you ACTUALLY can relate to it

Icimi: OMG I LOVE YOU

atkf: you cry every day even if you aren't sad

Becoming the last names: please don't become a Disney adult

Vampire ref: LISTEN TO MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN PUTTING IT OFF AND IK YOU LOVE HOT VAMPIRE MUSIC

Half decade hangover: oh my god talk to somebody it'll be okay I'm so sorry

Tsw5n: you love the way he says "what the fuck"

Euthanasia: once again, ANOTHER PASS. IM SO SORRY I HOPE YOU'RE OKAY

Jimmy Mushrooms: You. Me. Marriage. Now.

Laplaces Angel: you listen to LitWTC

i/me/myself: you were trying to separate yourself from the normal i/me/myself fans

The first step: idk why but you REALLY like lemonade

skeleton appreciation day: you can NOT play any instrument

tomcat disposables: you love concept albums

White noise: unlike cotards, you need to sleep in SILENCE

Love me normally: arctic monkeys. that's all I have to say. idk what about them but, yeah

misanthrapologist: GAY QUEER LGBT HOMOSEXUAL FRUITY ZESTY ROMANTICALLY ATTRACTED TO PEOPLE OF THE SAME GENDER

Falling up: wonderful taste once again please don't become a Disney adult

thats enough let's get you home: you say "YIPPIE!!" a lot

And if I did: god made you shy because he knew if you weren't you would be unstoppable

[deadgirlrolling]

Tf earthspark season 3 spoilers and rant in no particular order

OMG!!@!!!!! THEY BROKE UP!!!!! 💔 listening I ship breakbee and everything but! I'm kind of glad they broke up don't kill me

Ok ok!! Prowl!! Was adorable!!!! I loved him!!!! He was so cute!!!! Especially when he gave Megatron that hug

Poor Robbie!!! His GF was a FREKEN!!! Alien!!! Like what do you do in that situation!!

I missed the kids fr!!!!

Also at first when bee was crashing out I thought Prowl had done something to bee but when it was about the mission I was like oh "everyone knows about the breakup huh"

A lot of relationship drama this season

Ngl thought more Autobots would show up

And!! I loved!!! When Prowl was pressing Optimus about the Terrans, bee immediately fought with Prowl for his kids bee was so ready to punch him just because he was saying that his kids aren't qualified for that job at hand

(What bee really wanted to say to prowl)

Bee: BITCH!!!! Gets my kids and dad's name!! Out yo motherfucking mouth!!!

Also love Dottie and Alex's relationship they are the best 👌

Also breakdown I'm sorry but you don't deserve Bee!! You don't!! He tried to help you!! And you're going to backstab your so-called FRIEND??? (Let's be fr Bee was in love with Breakdown) but I also believe that Breakdown was in love with Bee at one point but he would sacrifice Bee and his relationship in a heartbeat CAUSE HE DID!!!!

Like I said I do like breakbee but let's be honest it's has way!!! More angst than people like to admit

Also kind of sad it didn't show much of Bee and Prowl's relationship cause Bee definitely must have trusted him a lot considering this is connected to G1

Me when breakdown betrayed bee

[lifemod17]

thoughts on 'Unaired EP'

IN THIS ESSAY I WILL-

below the cut in case you don't want spoilers <3

Nobody's Soldier

THE FUCKIN FALSETTO IS DRIVING ME INSANE ITS LIKE HE LACED THIS SONG WITH CRACK

"Benzos and gasoline" line is WILD (it is so hot for no reason wtf Andrew)

the little break that happens at 1:43 with. i don't even know what that is? like a sort of distorted / reverbed guitar bend / riff? either way, LOVE THAT.

also lets give it up one time for the organ, that is SO GNARLY, YOU CANNOT DENY IT!!!

hearing the live version vs. this recorded one is different, I literally went "OMFG WHAT IS THIS PART" starting at 2:53 when he gets all whisper-y WHY IS IT SO HOT

Listen man, I am a sucker for a good pause, and that pause after the bridge has me UNWELL.

SLOWING IT DOWN for the ending will never not be iconic. you don't see that happening a lot!

the intake of breath on the outro??!! tumblr user lifemod17 is NOT FARING WELL

July

so full of hope and promise and really just about having that thing or that someone to look forward to. The definition of "postpone that funeral"

THE SYNTHS??? FORGIVE HIM FATHER FOR HE HAS SYNTH!!!

"JUST KNOWING THAT'S GETTING ME THROUGH"?!?!?!? I wanna throw up. that is a Tonee-ass line. yeah 'July' is DEFINITELY taking the crown. This is my favorite from the EP.

i WAS right! he says 'prada' because it just made so much sense with the 'wore me out' line.

the whole second half had me in SHAMBLES. the lyrics were already insane but also throw in his soft voice mixed with the FUNKY & GROOVY beat?? I fear it is so over for me (I was genuinely screaming into a pillow and needed to sit down even though I was already sat and also I didn't know what to do with my person so I was just laying there and looking up at the ceiling while fighting off tears. I was SHOOK.)

It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy and makes me want to roll downhill a field and pick flowers to give to strangers

Have I mentioned the pen game? Because it is on level 9000. His pen was on fire when he has writing this

B A S S O U T R O GOT ME ACTING TF UP

That You Are

I was not expecting the lyrics to be "that I'd be anywhere that you are". im sorry but that is devastatingly beautiful and rips my heart out brb sobbing

my wig quietly and peacefully ascended from my head.

it's a lot more raw, production wise. the vocals aren't super clean, but I actually really like it this way!!! it makes the song that much more precious, gentle, intimate

Bedouine's vocals NEVER DISAPPOINTS!! She always has a way of transporting you with her music- makes you feel like you're floating above water

I needed to sautee the yearning for this one, its so pretty but hits you right in the feels

The fact that this is speculated to be the contender for the spot of 'I, Carrion (Icarian)' I'M GONNA CRY AGAIN Andrew please do an EP breakdown cuz I need to know!

that little instrumental interlude towards the bridge is so lovely and the entire song really! I think they did a good job of splitting the vibe 50/50 <- I say this because I listen to Bedouine a lot and the vibe of her songs is definitely here. it just really shows that they both wrote this together. its not a feature, its a collab

We're all gonna cry and then afterwards we're all gonna hug cuz this song just inflicted so much emotional damage upon all of us

[deadlysoupy]

if tf one did anything for me, it 1) made me really passionate about optimus and megatron's relationship and made me re-think the entirety of just how tragic the transformers civil war is

and 2) that i adore optimus and bumblebee's relationship even more now

the first one is pretty self-explanatory and i feel like everyone came out of that movie (who is a tf fan i mean) feeling absolutely baddy and insane

but the second one. my favourite iteration is earthspark, so my constant thought is now, compared to "oh my gosh orion and bee are adorable together i can totally see their dynamic" of tf one, is "holy shit tfe optimus and bumblebee are so dysfunctional why are they like this" and i'm just having so many thoughts about them right now

i would make a separate post but i kinda don't want to so here are my general thoughts (not very coherent i just need them out of me)

it feels very disjointed to be honest. it really seems like they wanted to give them a mentor/mentee dynamic but didn't go through with it

optimus keeps sort of kind of worrying about bumblebee without explicitly stating it, they have a lot of awkward moments (especially in early season 1 i noticed), but i can't tell if it's writers not wanting to commit or it's intentional

there are two episodes bothering me. one: episode 23, right in the beginning, when optimus sends bee to find the hidden ghost facility. they have this interesting almost silent communication, optimus only has to say "bumblebee, what's in that room?" and bee immediately knows what to do. the most important bit here, though, is where bee, after optimus warns him about potentially getting caught or killed, says very methodically "i must disavow any knowledge of your actions". and then he drives away, with optimus looking almost solemnly at him

a similar conversation already probably happened, since bee knew what to say to sort of calm optimus down, but at the same time... was optimus worried there? would he have said this had he NOT been worried?

and then there's season 3 (season 2b?). the hate plague. i'm not going to focus much on bee's perspective (that earns another post), but on optimus' instead. he tries to calm bee down, tries to reach him, tries to reason with him, and what gets me here is that he actually cares. remember, this is probably only a few days or so after the whole breakdown fiasco, and bumblebee is obviously still thinking about it. so optimus doesn't get him to track down the cybertronian ship - he's afraid bee might hurt even more. he says "i knew you would be emotionally compromised going into decepticon territory". which only leads me to the same thought: if you untangle all his diplomatic wording, he says he cares. he cares that bumblebee got hurt and that he didn't want him to relive that betrayal again

they are so awful at communicating with each other they can't even tell if they care about one another. which is odd, right? we can tell optimus can tell megatron his feelings, but he can't do that with bee

and i'm just. what happened between them? is optimus emotionally distant from bee or is bumblebee reluctant to include him? why are they like this??? they drive me crazy istg

[wordsvomit101]

As usual credit to Hiki (@shyanimeboi) for this god sent gift they grace me. The amount of lore drops got me feral, it feels like Christmas, it feels like summer coming.

I won't post all of it since it is best that you go support the original poster at here: Hikifans on X: "Here is part 3 of the story. Sorry it was abit of a long wait, was stuck grinding for satans beginner nightmere candy https://t.co/IStdo8f7Xs #whatinhellisbad" / X (twitter.com)

Anyway here is the ramble

True but I don't lust as much as you girl (no problem with anyone that related to MC, she's just not for me). If I have that much sexual drive in me, for more than 70 guys at that??? I need to check myself out for medical attention, or else I gonna feel dread every time the lust comes (it is surprisingly a thing that I saw people talk about on TikTok)

Ppyong is a deadly combo man, he is cocky but also a masochist. His appearance is so my type too

MC being a freak, as usual, you go sis ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

THE WAY I CHOKE ON MY OWN SPIT- Like wtf do you mean?!!!! Why are you doing this to my fujoshi kokoro??!!! I know you want to do it but how do you want to do it?!! Shibari? Choking? WHat Ishb Ittzdhbjsfbnv?!- *Error*

NAURRRRR ༼;´༎ຶ ۝ ༎ຶ༽ MC DON'T TAKE THIS AWAY FROM ME!!!!

ASK HIM!! ASK HIM TO SPILL IT ALL OUT!! I NEED TO KNOW!! TELL HIM TO SPELL IT OUT-

*Error*

So, uh, they show a close-up shot of Juno's chest and he asks if Minhyeok is hard like his and MC is a bad liar, said "probably" and Juno calls her out on it.

And MC actually admitted and said that Minhyeok's chest is actually "wide like this"???

You did??? But then again why am I surprised that she did, they had to be kissing at some point if they stuck together for more than a decade with that amount of tension between them

Ok so Minhyeok played soccer in high school, MC and he are in different classes and they were going to give him back something they lent. But come across Minhyeok changing in the classroom, pretty standard

Yup, he knows, he definitely knows and he is tempting her. Also, apparently, Minhyeok's chest is toned, but flatter than Juno's, his abs also feel different than Juno's...

If you can't tell I'm furiously taking notes right now, someone on the dev team is looking out for my shipper's heart and I wish that person woke up on the right side of the bed every day and had their taxes filled on time, etc.

Woah that has to be some intense session you got there, I awake until 3am before and I still have energy fueling me.

Relatable, highly so, I got deadlines every day during the semester. You think it's fine when you get used to it after 3-4 weeks but then it hits you with a week's worth of exams that you need to finish within that time while maintaining other stuff outside your major, and then combine it with other stuff outside uni (҂ ꒦ິヮ꒦ິ)

Too high of a standard girl, if I were him, I would already be too high on coffee and delirium to even see what I'm typing on the computer.

I'm surprised he's only tired, I expected some breakdown but then again, it's Minhyeok. The guy built different

Wait that's so cute!!! Awww (∗˃̶ ᵕ ˂̶∗)

Minhyeok sure is deep in his sleep, cause the slightest noise or outside touch would wake me tf up, I will go straight back to sleep later if it is nothing but if this happens it would me start kicking before I could even think

Built like a campus crush and act like a campus crush. If he has time to be good at sports then he most likely be in one of the SKY universities in Korea. If he also doesn't go to Hagwon then that would be even more crazy

Ok rude, you not even gonna clean the wet chair up??? Even if you're my best friend, I would still drag you back to clean the mess yourself cause ain't no way I'm touching the juice that came out of your bussy

THE TENSION IS REAL BOISSS

I know what you are MC and don't worry I won't judge, just tell me how big the file is compare to others

Ok, that is it, love part 3, they feed me a good amount of lores, and thank you again to the heaven-sent Hiki (@shyanimeboi), please watch the full video on their channel. I couldn't do this without them sharing this with all of us for free at that 🛐🛐🛐

Thank you for reading through my fangirling and good days to everyone!

[somegirlontheinternet135]

GOOD MORNING- AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!

✨ I'm back✨

And in a big way too!

I admit, I haven't been able to post a lot recently(school and life had been kicking my ass recently-) Issues arising from my personal and social life made it hard to keep afloat; but within the darkness, there is always light, and that came to me in the greatest way to start the new year! For those new here, I've made it clear that Shadow Milk was my favorite💕 out of the beasts! So knowing he'll be playable soon brings me such joy! That being said, they DID NOT DISAPPOINT with this teaser! The visuals. The animation. The VA Shadow Milk just absolutely killing it as always!? I'M-

Sigh. . .

Safe to say, I'm pretty excited for this update! And I can't wait for what's to come! Like. SERIOUSLY. I CAN'T WAIT WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S COMING OUT IN 5 DAYS!? GIVE IT TO ME! GIVE ME MY SILLY JESTER NOW!!!! GIVE ME-

Ahem. . . Anyways. . .

Let's get to the fun part: the predictions✨

We can all the ancients go to the beasts' respective areas for a reason(Dark Cacao wanted to confront the one responsible for causing the plague, Golden Cheese gets kidnapped, etc) Things get slightly easier given Pure Vanilla and friends are already in Beast Yeast. With Shadow Milk in case, it's likely that he'll trick the group into going into his domain, trapping them; how exactly this'll play out, there's a good idea but it's kinda outlandish. Remember the dough baby they found? the baby born from DE's lab? And the same baby that gets sent to the Cookie Kingdom? Well since I don't know the exact timeframe of when the update happens, it's a possibility that this update takes place after they've just found the baby. Which paints another possibility of Shadow Milk taking full advantage of the situation, taking the baby & bolting, causing the main gang to give chase. A cat-and-mouse game that leads them to a trap

Given the imagery we see in the teaser, it's not unlikely for Pure Vanilla to have a breakdown of sorts somewhere in the story. This is further shown in the new teaser we got (yes I'm slow tf- I'll be linking it here tho✨) showing from Pure Vanilla in the tarot card, "The tower". . . Falling from it. . . Oh no. . . And with White Lily gone, he's definitely screwed(rip PV TwT)

Speaking of White Lily, it would be a crime the biggest elephant in the room in the teaser! White Lily disappears halfway through the trailer, and the most logical thing is that White Lily was captured by Shadow Milk, till you remember a crucial thing, it's a game. Yes, this may be me reading into the title of all things, but it's not too far off from what we see with Shadow Milk, he's one to play with his food, torment his victim, and what way to do that than with a game, and when there's games, there's eliminations. I believe that during the story, each of the gang will be "eliminated" one by one, leaving Pure Vanilla as the last one standing. As a plus, games also come with prizes, what's a better prize than the baby Shadow Milk stole?

Last but not least is the star of the show himself, Shadow Milk, of course as the main villain, we'll get many great moments from him, including moments of comedy! It's likely we'll get some fourth wall breaks, maybe some out-of-context jokes. I'm personally hoping for a musical number because a Shadow Milk villain song is overdue!

And that's all I got unfortunately TwT I'm sorry I couldn't give you more and I'm sorry I haven't been able to post! Life has been so consumed and a moment of peace feels short. But now that it's a new year, I have so many new opportunities, and I hope this year will be a chance for new changes! May everyone's new year bring about new hope and prosperity!✨🎉🎊

Be on the lookout for my other projects

And as always, stay tuned!^^✨

[manic-sapphic]

~oh, just catra leaning full tilt into a mental breakdown of proportions on par w total planetary destruction. so, just another tuesday. don't worry about it~

corrupted catra is still such an interesting figure to me and fun af to theorize about. i mean, how tf did catra know adora came through a portal? no one told her that shit in their actual reality. i'm pretty sure it's not an uncommon theory that she's drawing some knowledge from the planet itself after being exposed to the portal magic.

but i almost view it kind of like, similar to how much of the first ones tech - such as light hope or the crystal castle itself - can almost be seen as possessing a sort of sentience able to both read thoughts and store knowledge, so could the portal itself. cause catra wasn't the only thing corrupted - the portal was from the moment of its creation. everyone knew it would be in some way or another; that's why they tried to stop catra from pulling the lever.

and based off the reality it creates, almost all of it reflects a reality we see catra actually enjoys - the polar opposite of the reality they'd all just left. and after every other character we see lost to the expanding entropy of the corrupted reality is gone for good - catra is the only one who crawls back out.

i view the corrupted portal almost like a sentient entity itself that catra created when she opened the portal, however unintentionally. it gives her the reality she wants - the one she misses - and when it all falls apart along with her, it's almost like maybe cause of her connection w this entity as it's accidental creator, it fused w her in such a way not only she - but this portal entity itself - could come back to finish what they started.

this time, armed with all the knowledge stored by the planet itself - which doesn't seem too far-fetched of a concept, given that (as we find out later) the magic of etheria has been essentially being mined and stored by first ones tech all this time. and the portal was created using a combo of etheria's magic and first ones tech - the sword.

just some thoughts i've had about it that i'm sure others probably have as well.

also though, i included the few seconds after adora punches out corrupted catra as a gif cause while her expression is angry right after she does it - it quickly falls to one i see as a sadness. she knows she had to do it, but she wishes she didn't. probably partly from seeing what had become of catra that made her have to do it.

which also kinda kills me when i think of the prior episode, Remember, when adora and catra are in the woods and adora says to her "this can't be what you wanted!" the saddest thing about that, to me, is that it's honestly not. but at that point, what catra wanted was something i dunno if she even fully understood; but either way, she just felt she knew that she could never have it.

[thewulf]

Hey love this might be a dark request. But one I've been needing however feel free to not write this or write it in a happier version for yourself. Who this fic is with I'm torn between John price, gaz, or aragon lmao. But let's get to it. Recently I was SA. Now I wasn't R@ped. But I was peer pressured/manipulated and intoxicated to verbally consenting to things I didn't want to do. I'm not asking for it to be relived but rather comfort. Everyone always talks about feeling disgusted but I want comfort for the guilt and second thoughts. "maybe it was my fault" "maybe I'm being sensitive" "it's my fault". How I came to terms of it being sexual assault was due to my mother and best friend telling me it was after I came to them about it. I just need comfort you know? Despite my family knowing, like most my issues a lot of things are brushed aside and I feel invalidated, which causes me to seek validation getting me into such problems. So I just need a hug and confirmation that I have someone. Even if fictional.

Have a lovely month hun, you deserve good things❤️🤗

Aww love I'm so sorry that happened to you :( people can be so cruel... but I can certainly write something comforting/sweet for you.

This one is giving big John Price energy. Idk he always seems like such a big teddy bear for the right person. Here's what I'm thinking - feel free to message me if you don't like the direction!

Captain Price has always had a soft spot for you (I'm thinking reader is 25-30 while Price is 35-38). You'd joined TF 141 a few years prior as their tech specialist (kinda like Penny from criminal minds!). You went on missions with them but didn't always go into the field. There so happened to be a mission you weren't required to go on so the guys packed up and shipped out. When they got back Price noticed something off with you immediately. Shying away from him and his usual touches you loved so much. Kinda keeping your head down when he/the guys are speaking. Not speaking up or bantering them as usual.

After a week of your odd behavior he finally decides he needs to talk to you. He catches you after a training session and the comfort insues. Kinda feel like reader has to breakdown and he builds her back up kinda thing. Hella heavy but supppper comforting/sweet at the same time.

Thank you for trusting me with your request! <3

[justrandomayatolover]

!!! Remember asmo saying mammon's a masochist?? What do you think for mammon trying to tell the reader that and blushing through trying to explain what he likes??

I have no idea what you're talking about but that won't stop me >:D

Reader being clueless and Mammon being a mess (lol) 18+

Includes: gn!reader, clueless reader that has very slow thinking

"... dear Diavolo" Mammon whispered quietly to himself, contemplating if he really should tell you, but you are in relationship after all, so he should, right?

Slowly the door to his opened, showing you in them "Is something the matter Mammon?" you asked, clearly worried because it's not everyday that THE Mammon asks you to come to his room in lower case, you thought that he has some demon killing disease or some but... "We need to talk" was what you've heard, does he wants to break up? Surely not, right...?

You slowly sat on his bed next to him, he gently took your hands, made a deep breath and started talking, stuttering a bit in process "I.... Well.... Y'know.... I'm a m... asochist" he had his head lowly, too embarrassed to even look you in the eyes but you on the other hand scrunched your nose, narrowed your eyes and made a 'huh??' Sound, having no idea what the hell was he talking about.

"what's that?" You asked and his head practically shoot up "what do you mean what's that?!" He thought to himself, did he really had to explain it? He would rather hang from the ceiling than explain it to you, but he had to, he started so he needs to finish

"Y'know! Like when! In bed! Come one you know!" His face now completely changed colour to deep red, the same Lucifer has when he's mad aka all the time, but you were still confused, tf is a masochist? Is it like Devildom's vegan? But in bed? Does he eat in bed? And then sleeps there?

So now, three hours later and like 30 breakdowns from Mammon later, after explaining that he's hard into choking and humiliation but as well as edging, you finally got it "oh so you're just kinky?" you asked with a big dumb smile, getting only embarrassed whine that came from the crook of your neck as that's where his face was "..y..you can say that"

Little did he know that right behind his door were his brothers, listening in, holding back their laughter at Mammon's attempts to explain it to you

Lol my bf will read it, hi my boi, I just read the ask again and it was asking for my opinion, well, he's a sub thank you and goodnight

[pzdragon666]

Wavewave week Day 4 - Friendships

Friendship

Tf fic

Ft. Soundwave, Shockwave, Illusion, Megatron

-

Soundwave was known to be very shy whenever he'd suddenly fall in love with someone.

Even back in the pits...

It was the same cycle.

And as always, he needed help this time. With Shockwave...

"/I don't need help./" Soundwave protested.

Both Megatron and Illusion were pushing him to Shockwave's lab, ignoring his complaints.

"Soundwave, every time you have a crush, you always back out and not interact with them. I expected you to be much braver than this." Megatron said.

"《And you literally have a breakdown whenever some other older bots got what you wanted, and this time, we're helping your hopeless aft》" Illusion types the code onto the panel.

As soon as the door opens, the door immediately closes.

Both turned to Soundwave.

"Soundwave." Megatron warned.

"/I'm not talking to him!/" He yelled.

Megatron rubbed his temples as Illusion sighed.

"《It's not so hard! It's fucking Shockwave! He's like- the most nonemotional guy in the face of Cybertron. If he doesn't like you, he'd be straightforward about it》"

Soundwave slumped as she said that.

Megatron hits her helm.

"Don't listen to her. I'm sure he likes you. Trust me, he talks about you a lot." Megatron said.

Soundwave looked torwards the door, feeling a small twinge of hope settke in his spark.

"/Alright, I'll do it. Wish me luck/" With that, he turned around and entered the lab.

"《Can we kill Shockwave if he rejects him?》" Illusion asked her brother.

Megatron shook his helm.

-

Soundwave entered the lab, seeing all sorts of experiments around. He then noticed Shockwave working on something.

He quietly strolls forward.

"/Shockwave./"

He turned around.

"Soundwave. I believe you have something to tell me." He spoke.

Soundwave's visor brightens as he said that.

"/Shockwave: knows why I'm here?/"

Shockwave nodded.

"I got an alert someone trying to enter my lab. I accessed the cameras outside and hears your conversation with our lord and weapon specialist."

Soundwave gulps.

"/what does Shockwave think...?/" He asked, bracing himself for the answer.

"I must say, I did not expect one of my superior officers to reciprocate my own feelings." He said.

Shockwave took his servo, lovking theirs together.

"I would like to get to know you more." Shockwave's finials moved eagerly.

"/Soundwave: looking forward to it/" He squeezed his servo.

-

Both siblings were trying to listen in on their conversation, which was hard.

"《Think he actually did it?》" She asked.

Megatron shrugged.

"Well- he's not running out like usual. Maybe he did it." Megatron said.

"《Good for him.》" She said.

"....Illusion."

"《What?》"

"Get off my shoulders."

-

@chamm0y @kyamo18 @mr-playlist @splashscreenofficial @kiyuu-draws @radiatwave @robomusical @bumblecow @lanth57

[mariequitecontrary]

2024 TF Reverse Mini Bang Memories Part 1

With the @tf-bigbang discord server closing today, I thought I'd share just a few of my favorite memories during my first community fandom event :)

Not to be dramatic, but this event changed the trajectory of my part in the transformers community for the better. It felt like I was at a 4 month long summer camp! I had so much fun talking to everyone and making so many precious, precious friends that I truly hope to stay in touch with.

So buckle in and grab some boba or your preferred drink of choice, because this is going to be long and sentimental.

A Welcoming Start

I joined at the beginning of April, due to someone reposting the Big Bang's twitter post about how writers were still welcome to join. I thought, "Only 5k word requirement over the course of a few months? Yeah sure. I can do that." Little did I know I'd actually committed to writing a fic almost 5 times that length

The vibes in the discord server started out with a bang (heh). Everyone was immediately kind and welcoming to one another. It was an immediate safe space to be excited, let loose and show our freak XD I loved how ferally affectionate we were with bringing new friends into the fold.

A sketch by @nepetacataria-art perfectly shows this I think XD

The Support and Love Shared

The sheer amount of love, comradery, and support shared with one another was astounding. Almost 200 writers and artists shared tips and tricks and offered advice and encouragement to each other! It was unreal and I learned so much. It truly encouraged me to improve in my craft and even inspired me to want to learn how to draw again!

Oh, and the RECS everyone shared!!! Everyone shared so many fics and art pieces that I am now obsessed with! I have been blessed with a LOT of quality, amazing content that I never would have seen otherwise! My tbr list grew from large to neverending haha <3

Teasing the Artists Before Match Ups

I'm ngl, I had WAY too much fun once the sketches were released to the writers and the secret-authors-corner channel was made. We all OBSESSED over all of the art and fangirled over each one! But we also talked, and talked, and talked. And dropping out of context messages into the public channels for the artists to see was too much fun!

Talking Transformers

IT WAS THE BEST THING EVEERRRRRR!!!!! WOWOWOWOWOW! I loved raving about characters and lore, both canon and fanon! Even when I wasn't a part of the conversation, just lurking and reading what people talked about whether it was AUs, comics, shows, character breakdowns, brainstorming ideas...it was all so cool and so fun. Everyone is so creative and thinking about the sheer amount of fun we all had makes me tear up.

Like, SO MANY plot bunnies were made with everyone! Myself included! Sometimes people would just say a random ass thing and then five others would hop on, riffing against each other and developing that little idea into something concrete and so so JUICY.

Two out of many MANY conversations that I personally loved were the video games x transformers ideas and talking tentacles and transformers in the nsfw channel XD

Writers Panicking, As We Do

It was all in fun, but it was very entertaining and validating to be in a space where we can all stress about our writing, our fics, and approaching deadlines.

The mods clearly enjoyed adding endless fuel to the fire and (lovingly) watched us all scream and run around in a fiery chaotic panic over every little thing.

Streaming

I didn't get to join many, but it was always so cool watching artists draw! I also had a lot of fun streaming Hades 2 with a few friends with it was first released :)

Team 0 - A King Julien Starscream Fic

It all started when Writer's Choice Period began...and the example inspired many of us writers to obsess over this...I'll let the screenshots tell you XD

A King Julien Starscream fic just WORKS and you can't tell me otherwise! @mendely's sketch REALLY sold it to me as a thing that's GOTTA happen.

Madagascar AU FTW

AND THEN THE MODS MADE IT A THING THING

@useless19's king julienscream puppet owns my soul and their little vid is possibly the finest piece of silent cinema I've ever watched in my entire life. I was ENRAPTURED.

@sxpaiscia's art KILLS ME. PUTS MY HEART IN A CHOKEHOLD. Julienscream lives in my head rent free and 50% of it is imagined with their art in mind.

The sad end to the story is...the Team 0's fic wasn't completed within the time requirements to be posted with the rest of the Mini Bang's fics :( Do we still plan on continuing and finishing it? HELL YEAH WE ARE!

To Be Continued...

Did you know that there is a limit to the amount of images you can share in one post? SMH.

Link to Part 2!

[chnt-confessions]

i think i'm the only person in the entire fandom that has any genuine empathy for elijah, and i'm stuck thinking there's something deeply wrong with me for that. i feel like quite a lot of people split black on him (and joshua) and then split white on jedidiah, and sydney. the ONLY two options are to dehumanize or objectify him. no hate to jedidiah-likers, but jedidiah is not a victim. he doesn't act entirely the way he does because of trauma, he acts that way because he implicitly looks down on sydney. what kind of man jeopardizes the entire world for a man that he let gravely sick in the first place, only to gaslight and neglect him?? all this because of mommy and daddy issues that, like, 70% of the population has?? i had to headcanon extra issues and trauma for him to just to keep myself sane. i don't mean to invalidate his trauma, but he has lived such a privileged life and can easily go to therapy and yet. i'm sorry but it's bojack-horseman levels of "how tf do you expect me to feel bad for you? lmao." like, i need him to get better because people will likely die if he gets any worse, but other than i couldn't care less about this guy. i'm way more sympathetic to sydney because he's trying his best but he seems to have an empathy deficiency of some kind (it's not his fault but it is painfully obvious sometimes and i wish i could fix him but i have to fix myself first because i also deal with this); i also relate to the "feeling unlovable" aspect of things.

we have only seen elijah at his worst. the elephant man is elijah "mental breakdown, 2 years and counting psychotic episode" core; did everyone just assume he was born like that? and if he was, that would also make me sad tbh. he had a similar upbringing to jedidiah and yet he does not show it at all and i'm wondering what tf was different. he also generally sucks at being a villain sometimes (i.e. telling sydney his weakness, letting sydney go back to jedidiah, reacting way better than most people would when sydney told him that he couldn't get the journals). when jedidiah says "sydney, you're always fine." vs when elijah says it; jedidiah said it to gaslight sydney and because he feels bitter about the fact he's working so hard to keep sydney alive and can't use it to manipulate him (i'm joking but i'm also not joking), while elijah was just being a little acolyte and also he's symbolically the earth, so when he says the earth will catch him when he falls, he is fr. idk what snapped in him with the murder-suicide thing but considering that he is the earth, and unfortunately due to sydney's weird little mind and jedidiah's horribleness, the earth is, like, post-apocalyptic now so it probably has something to do with that (idk why he switched from stabbing to burning alive; probably cuz of the theatrics/j). anyway, he does suck and he needs to go back to russia and never come back for everyone's good, but i really do think he would be better than jedidiah could ever be (yes, even with therapy; i'm literally speaking facts/hj) if "everyday [wasn't] a living fucking nightmare." and i'm constantly like "._." whenever i remember that jedidiah is the reason "everyday is a living fucking nightmare." also i really wanna see someone do elijah/the elephant man analysis/interpretation that doesn't reek of disgust and hatred (or lust; do whatever you want, but i'm judging you rn), just for variety tbh. here is his official playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/389N5sUULTXFC63I3CSn7c?si=756dacaa18cd491c some of the songs in here are, like, "???" and i want to see someone's else's take on them (even elijah haters tbh) sorry for the essay, that's all i wanted to say :)

also im so happy that i can say this anonymously, thank you chnt-confessions for doing god's work, i love you platonically <3

(ABOUT THE LAST PART) no need to apologize and I'm really glad to make you happy!!