#I'm having a breakdown tf you want me to do?

[ranbowkng]

His Kingdom, His Power, My Glory

Gary thinks it'll be a good idea to infiltrate the church. A tired priest, with an adorable face, reminds him why that's a bad idea.

Gary smirked as he pulled the hood of his jacket tighter. This plan was genius. Why keep sending cultists to sneak into the church in the dead of night to make a mess of things when he could just spark turmoil in the middle of the day. The best part, they wouldn't kick him out, and they wouldn't know he was doing it. Perfect.

"Morning Father," he nodded, walking right past the priest standing at the door, greeting church-goers.

"Good morning! I- oh hold on!" The priest grabbed Gary by the sleeve, pulling him back slightly, "You're new here aren't you?"

"Ah, was it that obvious?" Gary smiled, fearing that his genius may have betrayed him already.

"Just a bit," The priest chuckled. Gary got a good look at him, he had dark brown hair, and royal blue eyes that seemed to glow. Gary could have gotten lost in that expression for hours, but he had a mission to attend to, he had far more important manners than pretty boys to worry about, "We actually have a rule, no hats or hoods in the congregation."

"Oh? My apologies," Gary said, pulling his hood down, "My old church was a bit less strict."

"No sunglasses either unfortunately," the priest smiled, but his grip on Gary's sleeve tightened.

"Afraid I can't do that," Gary said, "Got a bad eye disease. Don't wanna scare the kids away."

"Hmm," the priest's look was brimming with disappointment, but he resigned, "Alright then, we will keep you in our prayers, but please consider how you're affecting other members of the church."

"Yes, sorry Father," Gary chuckled, wanting to sigh in relief. He would not have been able to explain the peculiar case of his eyes to the priest.

Once he took a seat, he grinned ear to ear. What a fool the priest must have been to believe such a stupid lie. Regardless, the sermon was starting soon. From here Gary would be able to learn just what happens at a church service, and just how he can tear it apart.

As it turns out, there was too much sitting and standing. Too much listening and not nearly enough talking. Too much and not enough of everything, it was mind numbingly dull. Not even the Order would stoop so low as to make it's devoted followers sit for an hour doing nothing with no freedom to move.

But Gary-begrudgingly-endured it. He was certain that eventually something would happen that would be worth it. Then again, if he had to endure one more of those godforsaken psalms! They weren't quite songs, because a song required being good.

Eventually he found something, a payoff. The priest who had greeted him at the door had finished reading the gospel, and he spoke directly to the audience.

"God loves us all," he began, speaking slowly. You could hear the sound of his careful thought between each word he spoke, "The other day a woman had come to me asking how I knew."

This was perfect! If he wasn't reading off of the text then that only meant one thing, an open discussion. And when people spoke without reading off of their source, they were prone to making mistakes. And one slip up would be enough to pick him apart piece by piece.

"So I was open with her," he said, "I have suffered loss, divorce, and failures over and over again."

"Sounds like God hates you!" Gary shouted. As soon as he spoke everyone turned to him. A smirk was plastered on his face. He'd win over the crowd in twelve seconds flat.

The priest just gave him a tired glare before he continued speaking, "Despite my grievances, I still have the privilege of waking up every day. I have a new chance to prove myself every day. And the Lord tells me that I am his child and he will continue walking with me."

"I thought Jesus was the only son of God!" Gary yelled. He did his homework. Well, he read just enough to know where the hypocrisies stood out.

"We are all children of God under Abraham," the priest spoke through grit teeth, "We will be going over that next week."

"Sounds like God needs to close his legs!" Gary's smirk was growing into a grin.

"Alright," the priest took a deep breath, "Let's start over, since you clearly seem confused. I was trying to explain to a woman that God loves her and is with her through her every struggle. And to do so, I used my own life as an example."

"How did you manage to prove it?" Gary said, "Hey! Father! How do you know it's actually God talking!? Are you-"

"Some of us clearly need to start working on our relationship with the Lord!" The priest said, his chest rising and falling quickly as he tried to calm himself, "Some far, far more than others, but regardless. God is patient and will wait for us until the end of time."

"If God's so patient why are you getting so upset?" Gary argued.

"God is a patient man, I am not," John said calmly, "And that's okay! Because God gives us strength. Strength to overcome any challenge like frustration, or an inability to respect your church leaders."

"I fail to see how-"

"God gives us strength!" The priest spoke over him, "I believe we all have it in us to become better people through the Lord. Amen!"

Gary wanted to speak up, but the congregation seems to have accepted it was time to shut up. Unbelievable. How does a man who looks so pathetic manage to control the situation so well? Oh well, at least he can still figure out the weak points in the sermon simply by listening.

Meanwhile, said priest was glaring at him. A far older priest had taken over, but he still was looking straight through Gary with furrowed brows. Gary stared back, not that the priest could see past his sunglasses.

When the sermon was over, Gary was about ready to collapse. How does an hour of doing absolutely nothing become so exhausting? He would never blame his acolytes for their boredom during a meeting ever again.

He stood, prepared to leave, only to be stopped.

"Excuse me sir," it was the priest. He had gripped Gary by the sleeve, a soft smile on his face, "May I speak with you for a minute?"

Gary tried not to let his confident smirk falter, "Of course! What can I do for you?"

The priest chuckled slightly, "Oh no, I meant at the front. I have a couple things I'd like to discuss with you."

"Ah," Gary said. Had he been anywhere else, there was no doubt in his mind he'd be able to strike down the priest with a single glance, but this was a church. He was already weakened here, but this is where the priest would thrive. And yet, he was cocky, "Well, I don't see why not."

"Good," the priest said, "Follow me."

The priest waited for the entire congregation to leave. He stared up at the stained glass window as he waited to be alone with Gary. Gary kept a hand in his pocket, rubbing over his claw-like nails.

"I can explain," Gary said, "It's actually my first time in a catholic church, I didn't know the proper proceedings for the gospel."

"No no, I have to thank you," John said, "When one questions the bible, it means they simply wish to apply it to their life. I'm glad you gave me the opportunity to expand on what I had to say."

"Wait, really?" Gary said.

"Of course," the priest said, his nails digging into his palms, "Although, I would like to make a request." He turned towards Gary.

"Oh?" Gary raised an eyebrow, "What can I do for you?"

"Take off your sunglasses," John said, "I'd like to look you in the eyes when we speak."

"But my eyes-"

"I am not a child," the priest said calmly, "I will not panic at the sight."

"But-"

"Is that a no?" The priest asked. Gary felt that he didn't have a choice.

"Yes, of course," Gary said, reaching for his glasses, slowly taking them off. He and the priest's eyes never stopped looking on to each other.

"Mmm," the priest looked at his eyes, black with glowing red irises, "You're a demon."

"Nonsense!" I'm a normal human being just like you!" Gary argued.

"I'm no fool," the priest said, "I knew you were a demon from the moment I saw your face. Your eyes are a simple confirmation."

"I apologize," Gary said, "I simply needed information about the church."

"I'm afraid that this isn't your territory," the priest said, "Now I have to request you leave before I exorcise you."

Gary chuckled, despite the priest's clear advantage, "I'm afraid I won't be doing that." He used a clawed finger to tuck a piece of the priest's hair behind his ear, "For you see, I have a new interest to pursue, and I have no reason to leave just yet."

"Then allow me to give you one," the priest said. Before Gary could even process what was being said to him, the priest gripped him by the wrists and pushed him backwards, slamming his back against the altar, "Leave this church. If you come back I will give you a fate far worse than an exorcism."

"Heh, I suppose you reciprocate my interests," Gary smirked, only for the priest to increase the pressure he was using to hold him down.

The priest glared at him before speaking again, "You will not come back, but I will keep my eye on you. When I find your lair then we can...discuss things as adults. But for now, I expect you out of my sight, understood?"

Gary's breath hitched slightly. It's been so long since someone's given him a command without solicitation, "Yes sir~"

"Ah-ah," the priest said, "Use my proper title."

Gary rolled his eyes before smirking, aiming to piss the priest off, "Sure thing, daddy."

The priest's eyes remained unamused. He slid his right hand away from Gary's wrist and down to his throat, "I said..." his grip tightened. Not enough to constrict, but enough to cause pressure, "My proper title."

Gary did not want to admit out loud the things that those words did to him, "Of course...Father."

"Good," The priest's voice was quiet, mumbled only so he could hear. God he'd kill to have that done to him with a mattress beneath them, "Now go on, get out and don't show your face. I expect to be meeting with you very shortly."

"Of course Father," Gary said, turning to leave before the priest could get any ideas about exorcising him.

After all this, perhaps information wasn't the only thing he could get out of the church. This would be far less boring as well.

[lifemod17]

thoughts on 'Unaired EP'

IN THIS ESSAY I WILL-

below the cut in case you don't want spoilers <3

Nobody's Soldier

THE FUCKIN FALSETTO IS DRIVING ME INSANE ITS LIKE HE LACED THIS SONG WITH CRACK

"Benzos and gasoline" line is WILD (it is so hot for no reason wtf Andrew)

the little break that happens at 1:43 with. i don't even know what that is? like a sort of distorted / reverbed guitar bend / riff? either way, LOVE THAT.

also lets give it up one time for the organ, that is SO GNARLY, YOU CANNOT DENY IT!!!

hearing the live version vs. this recorded one is different, I literally went "OMFG WHAT IS THIS PART" starting at 2:53 when he gets all whisper-y WHY IS IT SO HOT

Listen man, I am a sucker for a good pause, and that pause after the bridge has me UNWELL.

SLOWING IT DOWN for the ending will never not be iconic. you don't see that happening a lot!

the intake of breath on the outro??!! tumblr user lifemod17 is NOT FARING WELL

July

so full of hope and promise and really just about having that thing or that someone to look forward to. The definition of "postpone that funeral"

THE SYNTHS??? FORGIVE HIM FATHER FOR HE HAS SYNTH!!!

"JUST KNOWING THAT'S GETTING ME THROUGH"?!?!?!? I wanna throw up. that is a Tonee-ass line. yeah 'July' is DEFINITELY taking the crown. This is my favorite from the EP.

i WAS right! he says 'prada' because it just made so much sense with the 'wore me out' line.

the whole second half had me in SHAMBLES. the lyrics were already insane but also throw in his soft voice mixed with the FUNKY & GROOVY beat?? I fear it is so over for me (I was genuinely screaming into a pillow and needed to sit down even though I was already sat and also I didn't know what to do with my person so I was just laying there and looking up at the ceiling while fighting off tears. I was SHOOK.)

It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy and makes me want to roll downhill a field and pick flowers to give to strangers

Have I mentioned the pen game? Because it is on level 9000. His pen was on fire when he has writing this

B A S S O U T R O GOT ME ACTING TF UP

That You Are

I was not expecting the lyrics to be "that I'd be anywhere that you are". im sorry but that is devastatingly beautiful and rips my heart out brb sobbing

my wig quietly and peacefully ascended from my head.

it's a lot more raw, production wise. the vocals aren't super clean, but I actually really like it this way!!! it makes the song that much more precious, gentle, intimate

Bedouine's vocals NEVER DISAPPOINTS!! She always has a way of transporting you with her music- makes you feel like you're floating above water

I needed to sautee the yearning for this one, its so pretty but hits you right in the feels

The fact that this is speculated to be the contender for the spot of 'I, Carrion (Icarian)' I'M GONNA CRY AGAIN Andrew please do an EP breakdown cuz I need to know!

that little instrumental interlude towards the bridge is so lovely and the entire song really! I think they did a good job of splitting the vibe 50/50 <- I say this because I listen to Bedouine a lot and the vibe of her songs is definitely here. it just really shows that they both wrote this together. its not a feature, its a collab

We're all gonna cry and then afterwards we're all gonna hug cuz this song just inflicted so much emotional damage upon all of us

[wordsvomit101]

As usual credit to Hiki (@shyanimeboi) for this god sent gift they grace me. The amount of lore drops got me feral, it feels like Christmas, it feels like summer coming.

I won't post all of it since it is best that you go support the original poster at here: Hikifans on X: "Here is part 3 of the story. Sorry it was abit of a long wait, was stuck grinding for satans beginner nightmere candy https://t.co/IStdo8f7Xs #whatinhellisbad" / X (twitter.com)

Anyway here is the ramble

True but I don't lust as much as you girl (no problem with anyone that related to MC, she's just not for me). If I have that much sexual drive in me, for more than 70 guys at that??? I need to check myself out for medical attention, or else I gonna feel dread every time the lust comes (it is surprisingly a thing that I saw people talk about on TikTok)

Ppyong is a deadly combo man, he is cocky but also a masochist. His appearance is so my type too

MC being a freak, as usual, you go sis ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

THE WAY I CHOKE ON MY OWN SPIT- Like wtf do you mean?!!!! Why are you doing this to my fujoshi kokoro??!!! I know you want to do it but how do you want to do it?!! Shibari? Choking? WHat Ishb Ittzdhbjsfbnv?!- *Error*

NAURRRRR ༼;´༎ຶ ۝ ༎ຶ༽ MC DON'T TAKE THIS AWAY FROM ME!!!!

ASK HIM!! ASK HIM TO SPILL IT ALL OUT!! I NEED TO KNOW!! TELL HIM TO SPELL IT OUT-

*Error*

So, uh, they show a close-up shot of Juno's chest and he asks if Minhyeok is hard like his and MC is a bad liar, said "probably" and Juno calls her out on it.

And MC actually admitted and said that Minhyeok's chest is actually "wide like this"???

You did??? But then again why am I surprised that she did, they had to be kissing at some point if they stuck together for more than a decade with that amount of tension between them

Ok so Minhyeok played soccer in high school, MC and he are in different classes and they were going to give him back something they lent. But come across Minhyeok changing in the classroom, pretty standard

Yup, he knows, he definitely knows and he is tempting her. Also, apparently, Minhyeok's chest is toned, but flatter than Juno's, his abs also feel different than Juno's...

If you can't tell I'm furiously taking notes right now, someone on the dev team is looking out for my shipper's heart and I wish that person woke up on the right side of the bed every day and had their taxes filled on time, etc.

Woah that has to be some intense session you got there, I awake until 3am before and I still have energy fueling me.

Relatable, highly so, I got deadlines every day during the semester. You think it's fine when you get used to it after 3-4 weeks but then it hits you with a week's worth of exams that you need to finish within that time while maintaining other stuff outside your major, and then combine it with other stuff outside uni (҂ ꒦ິヮ꒦ິ)

Too high of a standard girl, if I were him, I would already be too high on coffee and delirium to even see what I'm typing on the computer.

I'm surprised he's only tired, I expected some breakdown but then again, it's Minhyeok. The guy built different

Wait that's so cute!!! Awww (∗˃̶ ᵕ ˂̶∗)

Minhyeok sure is deep in his sleep, cause the slightest noise or outside touch would wake me tf up, I will go straight back to sleep later if it is nothing but if this happens it would me start kicking before I could even think

Built like a campus crush and act like a campus crush. If he has time to be good at sports then he most likely be in one of the SKY universities in Korea. If he also doesn't go to Hagwon then that would be even more crazy

Ok rude, you not even gonna clean the wet chair up??? Even if you're my best friend, I would still drag you back to clean the mess yourself cause ain't no way I'm touching the juice that came out of your bussy

THE TENSION IS REAL BOISSS

I know what you are MC and don't worry I won't judge, just tell me how big the file is compare to others

Ok, that is it, love part 3, they feed me a good amount of lores, and thank you again to the heaven-sent Hiki (@shyanimeboi), please watch the full video on their channel. I couldn't do this without them sharing this with all of us for free at that 🛐🛐🛐

Thank you for reading through my fangirling and good days to everyone!

[justrandomayatolover]

!!! Remember asmo saying mammon's a masochist?? What do you think for mammon trying to tell the reader that and blushing through trying to explain what he likes??

I have no idea what you're talking about but that won't stop me >:D

Reader being clueless and Mammon being a mess (lol) 18+

Includes: gn!reader, clueless reader that has very slow thinking

"... dear Diavolo" Mammon whispered quietly to himself, contemplating if he really should tell you, but you are in relationship after all, so he should, right?

Slowly the door to his opened, showing you in them "Is something the matter Mammon?" you asked, clearly worried because it's not everyday that THE Mammon asks you to come to his room in lower case, you thought that he has some demon killing disease or some but... "We need to talk" was what you've heard, does he wants to break up? Surely not, right...?

You slowly sat on his bed next to him, he gently took your hands, made a deep breath and started talking, stuttering a bit in process "I.... Well.... Y'know.... I'm a m... asochist" he had his head lowly, too embarrassed to even look you in the eyes but you on the other hand scrunched your nose, narrowed your eyes and made a 'huh??' Sound, having no idea what the hell was he talking about.

"what's that?" You asked and his head practically shoot up "what do you mean what's that?!" He thought to himself, did he really had to explain it? He would rather hang from the ceiling than explain it to you, but he had to, he started so he needs to finish

"Y'know! Like when! In bed! Come one you know!" His face now completely changed colour to deep red, the same Lucifer has when he's mad aka all the time, but you were still confused, tf is a masochist? Is it like Devildom's vegan? But in bed? Does he eat in bed? And then sleeps there?

So now, three hours later and like 30 breakdowns from Mammon later, after explaining that he's hard into choking and humiliation but as well as edging, you finally got it "oh so you're just kinky?" you asked with a big dumb smile, getting only embarrassed whine that came from the crook of your neck as that's where his face was "..y..you can say that"

Little did he know that right behind his door were his brothers, listening in, holding back their laughter at Mammon's attempts to explain it to you

Lol my bf will read it, hi my boi, I just read the ask again and it was asking for my opinion, well, he's a sub thank you and goodnight

[chnt-confessions]

i think i'm the only person in the entire fandom that has any genuine empathy for elijah, and i'm stuck thinking there's something deeply wrong with me for that. i feel like quite a lot of people split black on him (and joshua) and then split white on jedidiah, and sydney. the ONLY two options are to dehumanize or objectify him. no hate to jedidiah-likers, but jedidiah is not a victim. he doesn't act entirely the way he does because of trauma, he acts that way because he implicitly looks down on sydney. what kind of man jeopardizes the entire world for a man that he let gravely sick in the first place, only to gaslight and neglect him?? all this because of mommy and daddy issues that, like, 70% of the population has?? i had to headcanon extra issues and trauma for him to just to keep myself sane. i don't mean to invalidate his trauma, but he has lived such a privileged life and can easily go to therapy and yet. i'm sorry but it's bojack-horseman levels of "how tf do you expect me to feel bad for you? lmao." like, i need him to get better because people will likely die if he gets any worse, but other than i couldn't care less about this guy. i'm way more sympathetic to sydney because he's trying his best but he seems to have an empathy deficiency of some kind (it's not his fault but it is painfully obvious sometimes and i wish i could fix him but i have to fix myself first because i also deal with this); i also relate to the "feeling unlovable" aspect of things.

we have only seen elijah at his worst. the elephant man is elijah "mental breakdown, 2 years and counting psychotic episode" core; did everyone just assume he was born like that? and if he was, that would also make me sad tbh. he had a similar upbringing to jedidiah and yet he does not show it at all and i'm wondering what tf was different. he also generally sucks at being a villain sometimes (i.e. telling sydney his weakness, letting sydney go back to jedidiah, reacting way better than most people would when sydney told him that he couldn't get the journals). when jedidiah says "sydney, you're always fine." vs when elijah says it; jedidiah said it to gaslight sydney and because he feels bitter about the fact he's working so hard to keep sydney alive and can't use it to manipulate him (i'm joking but i'm also not joking), while elijah was just being a little acolyte and also he's symbolically the earth, so when he says the earth will catch him when he falls, he is fr. idk what snapped in him with the murder-suicide thing but considering that he is the earth, and unfortunately due to sydney's weird little mind and jedidiah's horribleness, the earth is, like, post-apocalyptic now so it probably has something to do with that (idk why he switched from stabbing to burning alive; probably cuz of the theatrics/j). anyway, he does suck and he needs to go back to russia and never come back for everyone's good, but i really do think he would be better than jedidiah could ever be (yes, even with therapy; i'm literally speaking facts/hj) if "everyday [wasn't] a living fucking nightmare." and i'm constantly like "._." whenever i remember that jedidiah is the reason "everyday is a living fucking nightmare." also i really wanna see someone do elijah/the elephant man analysis/interpretation that doesn't reek of disgust and hatred (or lust; do whatever you want, but i'm judging you rn), just for variety tbh. here is his official playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/389N5sUULTXFC63I3CSn7c?si=756dacaa18cd491c some of the songs in here are, like, "???" and i want to see someone's else's take on them (even elijah haters tbh) sorry for the essay, that's all i wanted to say :)

also im so happy that i can say this anonymously, thank you chnt-confessions for doing god's work, i love you platonically <3

(ABOUT THE LAST PART) no need to apologize and I'm really glad to make you happy!!

[mystycalypso]

i see u on my account... *poke poke* thought i'd leave a message here...

anyways heloooo ^_^ unrelated but thoughts on trinity bales? and maybe cats? trinicats?

I'm sorry I'm stalking tumblr while- ironically drawing Trinity cats wheeze, hold on lemme just

Nicky gets ambushed by Trinicats (the cuteness is overwhelming) (I'd color it but uh- A. I cannot draw cats for the life of me TvT and B. I have to get Maritza's Entry done (you guys are gonna love her design I promise))

I also have notifications on for like- all the other hn artists on here just bc uh, I am feral for this franchise and all content even slightly related to it (My graduation cap for reference is gonna be either Mr. Peterson and Imbir or the rescue squad kids with the words "Goodbye neighbor" on it)

Other Trinity thoughts are just, I need more of her lol. I'd love an episode showing more of her dynamic with her father or both her parents since the incident happened. Plus the more information I can gather about each of the members the better I can write their late teen to adult selves in rtrb (who- I might redesign the outfit for a little. I was having some art block when I designed her so- her outfit is just her child outfit again and I don't think that's fair compared to how different say Maritza's outfit is, but I needed entry one out before people started asking why I started with two and had no one lol)

I also just want to see how her dynamic develops with other characters, obviously Nicky is at the forefront of my mind for this because well- I need to know how inevitably they do end up looking into this stuff together. But also Ivan and maybe finally questioning his feelings about Mr. Peterson. Or Maritza on why she has to pretend they aren't all messed up from the incident (/j I still love you Maritza) or Finch on why she's... uh

Probably a stand up person and I won't hate her in the slightest (even tho who tf takes pictures of someone having a breakdown?) (Kaydin says I need to stop bullying 13-15 fictional characters ú_ù /j)

Ig if there was anything else, I mean, okay for context I've had several family members with diabetes, type 1 and 2, and, okay have they actually cut like- all sugars out of her life? There are cell phones so I assume there are artificial sweeteners which sure doesn't mean you can shovel down junk food but they're okay in moderation. Plus they don't seem to monitor her school lunch so just like- let this girl have some actual-ish lemonade pls instead of- just highly saturated lemon water, she deserves it

[absolutebl]

any other high quality bls like itsay?🥲

Okay, to start, none of the below posts have been updated in a while so I would add these 2022-2023 offerings:

Eternal Yesterday *

The Eighth Sense

180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us*

Moonlight Chicken

Sing My Crush*

Tokyo in April is

I Feel You Linger in the Air

ALSO, currently airing Unknown and Gray Shelter.

With regards to ITSAY I am not your huckleberry but here's what I got for ya...

And pulling from the "moody arthouse smackdoodle" list in this post about BL's dark side:

Your Name Engraved Herein (Taiwan 2020 Netflix) - this movie is fantastic but it is also seriously depressing, it’s a self acceptance journey, but if you wanna wallow in high quality acting and serious gay drama, this’ll do it. 

Goodbye Mother AKA Thua Me Con D (Vietnam 2019 Netflix) - like YNEH this is a great movie but it deals openly with homophobia, bashing, family trauma and social acceptance. 

For Love, We Can (Hong Kong 2014) - an indie movie about parental homophobia, light/dark pairing, and (of course) HIV. 

The Cornered Mouse Dreams of Cheese AKA Kyuso wa Chizu no Yume wo Miru (Japan 2020) - obsession, cheating, breakup, reunion, then break up again, explicit. 

Pornographer movie series - AKA The Novelist, Mood Indigo, Pornographer Playback (Japan 2018-2020) emotional manipulation, cheating, obsession, seduction, May/December (age gap AKA younger/older), kink, touch of necrophilia, explicit.   

Method (Korea 2017) - May/December, actor idol pairing, that should have been everything I wanted in life but it’s more about the actor cheating on his wife and their weird “artsy” relationship and frankly, I hated this. And I don’t say that lightly. 

Itsuka no Kimi e (Japan 2007 YouTube) - okay this is basically about a college student who saves this boy from drowning and then gets embroiled in his, and his identical twin’s messed up lives. It goes very weird.

His the series AKA I Didn’t Think I Would Fall In Love (Japan 2019) - boy goes to visit his absent father ends up kinda homeless on the beach gets adopted by local family falls in love with the boy working and living with them. Lots of long drawn out glances. 

Innocent (Taiwan 2021 GaGa) - mental health, childhood trauma, actually kinda sweet. 

More on ISTAY et al here.

* are ones that I don't recommend if you have the same taste as me, but I DNF'd ITSAY so, you calearly don't have the same taste

[punkeropercyjackson]

To explain the problem with how the Atsv fandom deals with Hobie a lot and sometimes with Gwen too............Hobie and Gwen have certain expectations put on them as a slightly older black character and a female character who's the male mc's love interest.Hobie is expected to be overtly sexual and uncommited to his partners('I hate labels' was him being nonbinary,please be fucking serious)and have a huge mean edge to him or either a caretaker to the Spiderband with no personality and stories of his own and Gwen is expected to be a 'normal' straight girlfriend-Hence all the emphasis put on her being a girl and Miles a boy even when it dosen't fit-including the toxicity frequent in white ones with black boyfriends specifically(that's what 'snowbunny' means btw)and her experiences as a friendless abuse victim who's trans and was kicked out by her cop dad for doing activism isn't something that you can ignore,because GWEN can't ignore it either and neither can Hobie with his own lived antiblackness and adultification that are inherently intertwined with eachother

Gwen wasn't written to be a stereotypical hashtag quirky cis white girl with no real problems besides wanting the guy to like her back,Gwen was CANONICALLY written as a usual TRANS girl and those are absolutely different because i known both closely and she reminds me infinitely more of tgirls who're pastel softgirls for gender validation instead of white woman fragility and the only reason her and Margo weren't a trio with Hobie pre-Miles is the same reason Peter B didn't come with Gwen to visit Miles and it's that writers wanted to isolate them from eachother to emphasize Ghostflower as if they didn't pull it off just fine in the first movie and when the only weak points in the second one are FROM them doing that and if you think about it for 5 seconds you'd realize that Margo and her have every reason to love eachother so much and hang out.And Hobie has plenty of interesting traits and potential even without his comics lore and he never shows interest in sex-Rightfully so,because this is a fucking children's franchise!!!-and any 'vibes' adult Hobie bullshitters got was them being creeps who can't turn off horny mode and you can just say you don't ship Ghostpunk and Punkflower instead of making a fool of yourself by denying how much mutual romantic interest and chemistry Hobie has with Gwen and Miles

And y'all WILDIN' if you actually think Hobie's Team Dad status to the Spiderband is something that takes zero toll on him but i know for a fact it eventually does and he tries to hide it because he feels guilty but they find out and let him breakdown and take care of him too starting from then on because he's not their ACTUAL Dad,he's a 17 year old and he's their best friend and that's what best friends DO.Gwen ain't a pick me either,she's a trans legend who didn't magically turn cis when she started passing contrary to how y'all think transfemininity work and Hobie didn't 'adopt' her,him taking her in was intersectionality and solidarity between black people and trans women which has an extremely important history in punk culture and deadass one of the first thing's i learned when i started my research after i decided to go pastel punk.You all look dumb as hell with these janky ass takes,especially those random hate comments i'm always seeing on Hobie x Spiderband posts and the defenses towards the cisfeminization of Gwen and don't even get me started on the Switfie allegations as if Hobie isn't obviously a The Cure fan and Gwen a Tv Girl one,and if you want minority characters to be written offensively with no depth so bad,go back to watching Danny Phantom and Miraculous Ladybug and leave Hobs and Gwendy tf alone!!!!!

[leonenjoyer69]

Both your OCs occupy space in my mind lol I love both Harry and Elias. Would you mind giving some more rambles please and thank you? About either one. I just love learning more about them.

VJEKBKDKF TYSM, I'M GLAD YOU LIKE THEM :D it makes me very happy to know that people enjoy my ramblings and art of my lil fellas :3 (also, all you sweet anons are gonna be the death of me with your mysterious identities!)

(SUB NOTE: if anyone ever has any ideas at all or art requests or something for either of my sillies PLEASE don't hesitate to bring them up I would literally love hearing any suggestion or answering any question ever)

Anyways!!! I've actually been waiting to drop a bunch of stuff on these fellas that I've been talking about with some folks on Discord (which y'all can also ask for if you wanna talk to me on there I LOVE TALKING TO YOU GUYS), so thank you for granting me the perfect opportunity >:3 so, without further ado, I shall begin:

First of all, i just wanted to drop my height HCs bc,,,, why not lmao

I can't exactly visualize heights very well in my mind so these may be a wee bit too tall, idk, but yeah! I think giving Hyde an extra half inch would be funny bc you KNOW that mf would just round up lmao. Elias is a bit taller than Hyde, which Hyde kinda hates sometimes, itty bitty fella.

Anyways!! Harry is first up for rambling bc I have less for him rn lmao. I don't remember if ive mentioned it much before on here, but I know I included it in the fic i did for him, and that's his Scottish accent :3 we as a fandom don't write Jekyll's accent enough so I like projecting it onto injured Hyde and now Harry 😌 MORE SCOTTISH JEKYLL PLEASE-

Harry didn't really have to worry about keeping face in the mindscape (except for when around Mind Lanyon, who would pester tf out of him over it) so he fell back to at LEAST having an accent. He partially fell back on it because 1, it made him feel a wee more comfortable, and 2, because of how often he revisited memories from university (specifically during his and Lanyon relationship ofc), so he's used to hearing himself speaking with at least a drawl.

But yeah, that accent kinda sticks with him when he gains control and he has quite a hard time shaking it, which makes for some fun interactions, like when Lanyon's trying to break down his office door :3333

I believe I've mentioned this, but Harry is very very sensitive to most physical sensations (touch, pain, etc.) and has some light and sound sensitivities for a decent bit after gaining control. Because of how long he spent in the mindscape with numbed senses, It really messed with him to suddenly have control again. Eventually he starts getting used to it again, but for the first few days he's practically on the edge of a mental breakdown at every moment. He's also super jumpy from it (and from the ungodly paranoia he got from the mindscape lmao) and is quite firmly "no touch" for about a week (except for when he initiates stuff with Lanyon). Once he gets used to it tho his touch starved ass is a lot more affectionate and such.

One last thing for him! He's also far more sensitive to hunger and thirst sensations/pain, so he tends to take far better care of their body while in control. It took him a short while to get used to eating and drinking again, but he's more than happy to do it, not realizing how much he had missed it. Plus, he's seen how horrible Jekyll and Hyde would take care of themselves, so he certainly doesn't want their neglect to be his downfall. He's also a bit more sensitive to being tired, but can't sleep very well (especially without Lanyon) because of paranoia and nightmares.

OKAY, NOW, onto Elias!! Most all this stuff is from a discord convo that I didn't feel like rewording, so... Sorry if the formatings weird 💀 (questions are indented and italicized, as well as abbreviated)

OKAY SO, For how Henry (or whoever) convinces Elias to switch back:

Elias usually throws some sort of fit when he's initially order to switch back (except for the very rare instances where he's actively wanting to switch back, like when everyone's busy and he starts getting lonely anyways), though most the time he'll simmer down when Henry starts sorta begging or when either Henry or Lanyon (or very occasionally Hyde) lowkey bribe him. Usually Henry (or Hyde) will bribe him with physical touch/affection (hugs, cuddling, kisses, stuff like that), or bonding time, like going out and doing things together and such (or just doing stuff together at the society, like watching Henry do science or doing paperwork 💀). (Also, sometimes Jekyll will just get somewhat impatient and start asking more desperately and the guilt kinda gets to Elias, Henry usually feels bad about it tho) otherwise, Lanyon will bribe him (quite grudgingly, might I add) with more time out, going to the park with Elias in shadow form and talking, or letting him get a gift for Jekyll or Hyde. But yeah, Elias is lowkey like a little affectionate, overactive puppy :3

[...] I misread "letting him get a gift for Jekyll or Hyde" as "letting him get a gift FROM Jekyll or Hyde" and swore for a moment that sometimes Jekyll/Hyde sent gifts to Elias but Lanyon stole them [... ]

LANYON WOULD TOTALLY STEAL ELIAS'S STUFF TO USE AS BARGAINING LEVERAGE 💀 but yes, bribery is the go to, this guy does NOT like being locked away, so when he does it's either out of guilt or he's getting something out of it, hehe

[...] Imagine that since Lanyon is probably taller than elias, he just hides some lf his stuff on higher places so that he cannot reach them, I feel like Elias would annoy the hell out of him so that he stops doing it though (Lanyon puts them back where they where, and when Elias isn't there, he just hides them again) also, I just imagined Jekyll like guilt tripping or manipulating him so that he drinks the potion

Oh he absolutely would, Lanyon would have a whole "confiscated" shelf for it too, and Elias would definitely whine about it with sooo much persistence. AND JFKGKKF YEAH JEKYLL WOULD 😭😭 both out of selfishness and not, since he still hasn't tested how the formula behaves when an alter ego is out for prolonged amounts of time, and sometimes he just wants Robert back.

Jekyll likes Elias, he just has more of a preference for Lanyon. Jekylls probably also got a bit less patience for Elias's whining after dealing with Hyde's for so long lmao, he always feels kinda bad about being mean or anything to Elias tho, since it's kinda his fault that Lanyon split.

Would Lanyon ever like bother Elias with the fact that Jekyll likes him better?? Like maybe, at one point he just gets too tired of him wanting to hang out with Jekyll and says to him that Jekyll just deals with him out of pity, and like Elias then just feeling kinda bad about it and wondering if Jekyll actually likes him??

If Lanyon's feeling especially spiteful and annoyed, probably, but also Elias worries about that enough on his own and bothers Lanyon with all his self deprecating thoughts anyways 💀

How does Hyde feel about Elias?

He's generally guilt free about the whole "splitting Lanyon" thing and /gen likes Elias way more than he likes Lanyon lmao. He still gets that sorta bitter anger and resentment when he looks at Lanyon, but he doesn't get that with Elias. Hyde kinda thinks that Elias is all the best parts of Lanyon (Except for Elias's emotional sensitivity sometimes, but Hyde deals. He feels surprisingly bad when he upsets Elias..) But yeah, Elias is most of the reason why Hyde is complacent enough to actually kinda lay low after messing up Blackfog and stuff, so Jekyll certainly likes Elias for keeping Hyde somewhat in check lmao

And that's everything I have for this!!! Thank you so much for the ask :D

[thewulf]

Hey love this might be a dark request. But one I've been needing however feel free to not write this or write it in a happier version for yourself. Who this fic is with I'm torn between John price, gaz, or aragon lmao. But let's get to it. Recently I was SA. Now I wasn't R@ped. But I was peer pressured/manipulated and intoxicated to verbally consenting to things I didn't want to do. I'm not asking for it to be relived but rather comfort. Everyone always talks about feeling disgusted but I want comfort for the guilt and second thoughts. "maybe it was my fault" "maybe I'm being sensitive" "it's my fault". How I came to terms of it being sexual assault was due to my mother and best friend telling me it was after I came to them about it. I just need comfort you know? Despite my family knowing, like most my issues a lot of things are brushed aside and I feel invalidated, which causes me to seek validation getting me into such problems. So I just need a hug and confirmation that I have someone. Even if fictional.

Have a lovely month hun, you deserve good things❤️🤗

Aww love I'm so sorry that happened to you :( people can be so cruel... but I can certainly write something comforting/sweet for you.

This one is giving big John Price energy. Idk he always seems like such a big teddy bear for the right person. Here's what I'm thinking - feel free to message me if you don't like the direction!

Captain Price has always had a soft spot for you (I'm thinking reader is 25-30 while Price is 35-38). You'd joined TF 141 a few years prior as their tech specialist (kinda like Penny from criminal minds!). You went on missions with them but didn't always go into the field. There so happened to be a mission you weren't required to go on so the guys packed up and shipped out. When they got back Price noticed something off with you immediately. Shying away from him and his usual touches you loved so much. Kinda keeping your head down when he/the guys are speaking. Not speaking up or bantering them as usual.

After a week of your odd behavior he finally decides he needs to talk to you. He catches you after a training session and the comfort insues. Kinda feel like reader has to breakdown and he builds her back up kinda thing. Hella heavy but supppper comforting/sweet at the same time.

Thank you for trusting me with your request! <3

[mariequitecontrary]

2024 TF Reverse Mini Bang Memories Part 1

With the @tf-bigbang discord server closing today, I thought I'd share just a few of my favorite memories during my first community fandom event :)

Not to be dramatic, but this event changed the trajectory of my part in the transformers community for the better. It felt like I was at a 4 month long summer camp! I had so much fun talking to everyone and making so many precious, precious friends that I truly hope to stay in touch with.

So buckle in and grab some boba or your preferred drink of choice, because this is going to be long and sentimental.

A Welcoming Start

I joined at the beginning of April, due to someone reposting the Big Bang's twitter post about how writers were still welcome to join. I thought, "Only 5k word requirement over the course of a few months? Yeah sure. I can do that." Little did I know I'd actually committed to writing a fic almost 5 times that length

The vibes in the discord server started out with a bang (heh). Everyone was immediately kind and welcoming to one another. It was an immediate safe space to be excited, let loose and show our freak XD I loved how ferally affectionate we were with bringing new friends into the fold.

A sketch by @nepetacataria-art perfectly shows this I think XD

The Support and Love Shared

The sheer amount of love, comradery, and support shared with one another was astounding. Almost 200 writers and artists shared tips and tricks and offered advice and encouragement to each other! It was unreal and I learned so much. It truly encouraged me to improve in my craft and even inspired me to want to learn how to draw again!

Oh, and the RECS everyone shared!!! Everyone shared so many fics and art pieces that I am now obsessed with! I have been blessed with a LOT of quality, amazing content that I never would have seen otherwise! My tbr list grew from large to neverending haha <3

Teasing the Artists Before Match Ups

I'm ngl, I had WAY too much fun once the sketches were released to the writers and the secret-authors-corner channel was made. We all OBSESSED over all of the art and fangirled over each one! But we also talked, and talked, and talked. And dropping out of context messages into the public channels for the artists to see was too much fun!

Talking Transformers

IT WAS THE BEST THING EVEERRRRRR!!!!! WOWOWOWOWOW! I loved raving about characters and lore, both canon and fanon! Even when I wasn't a part of the conversation, just lurking and reading what people talked about whether it was AUs, comics, shows, character breakdowns, brainstorming ideas...it was all so cool and so fun. Everyone is so creative and thinking about the sheer amount of fun we all had makes me tear up.

Like, SO MANY plot bunnies were made with everyone! Myself included! Sometimes people would just say a random ass thing and then five others would hop on, riffing against each other and developing that little idea into something concrete and so so JUICY.

Two out of many MANY conversations that I personally loved were the video games x transformers ideas and talking tentacles and transformers in the nsfw channel XD

Writers Panicking, As We Do

It was all in fun, but it was very entertaining and validating to be in a space where we can all stress about our writing, our fics, and approaching deadlines.

The mods clearly enjoyed adding endless fuel to the fire and (lovingly) watched us all scream and run around in a fiery chaotic panic over every little thing.

Streaming

I didn't get to join many, but it was always so cool watching artists draw! I also had a lot of fun streaming Hades 2 with a few friends with it was first released :)

Team 0 - A King Julien Starscream Fic

It all started when Writer's Choice Period began...and the example inspired many of us writers to obsess over this...I'll let the screenshots tell you XD

A King Julien Starscream fic just WORKS and you can't tell me otherwise! @mendely's sketch REALLY sold it to me as a thing that's GOTTA happen.

Madagascar AU FTW

AND THEN THE MODS MADE IT A THING THING

@useless19's king julienscream puppet owns my soul and their little vid is possibly the finest piece of silent cinema I've ever watched in my entire life. I was ENRAPTURED.

@sxpaiscia's art KILLS ME. PUTS MY HEART IN A CHOKEHOLD. Julienscream lives in my head rent free and 50% of it is imagined with their art in mind.

The sad end to the story is...the Team 0's fic wasn't completed within the time requirements to be posted with the rest of the Mini Bang's fics :( Do we still plan on continuing and finishing it? HELL YEAH WE ARE!

To Be Continued...

Did you know that there is a limit to the amount of images you can share in one post? SMH.

Link to Part 2!

[thejockout]

Subject Diaries #0 - Jockout the Subject, Part 1

In traditional Jockout fashion, I'm getting to this a little later (and differently) than I'd expected, but I've made it at last.

Initially, I was planning this first post to be a fairly blunt description of the files I've been listening to and the effects I've been experiencing; but I realised it's kinda weird to do that without ever really talking about my desires and what I'm into with hypnosis, lol. I will still give a little breakdown of what I've been up to (and that's what my future posts in this series will mostly be) but for the first one, I think I wanna talk a little more broadly first about my experiences/wants with hypnosis.

You've already met Jockout the hypnotist, so now let's talk about Jockout the subject:

As in my bio, I'm 22 (for a few more weeks) and live in Ireland in a suuper rural area, far from any population centers. I work as a freelance writer (AKA unemployed most of the time), so lots of time on my hands.

I've got extensive history with masculinisation hypnosis of all types and flavours. I first got into it fairly young via "Turn Straight" hypnosis (which is sad, looking back!) but it very rapidly transformed into all this. I was interrogating my sexuality and came to realise that more than being attracted to men, I was attracted to manhood, and I was into TF/mind control stuff. So falling into the masculinisation hypno hole was a pretty logical progression. Like many of us, I started on WarpMyMind but did get sick of that place quickly.

So that's setting the scene for who I am. What's my actual experience level with hypnosis?

Firstly, I am predominately a file subject. I've done some live trances and toyed with the Hypnosis4Guys circuit before but out of 10 people I've tranced with, 1-2 were ethical with me at most. I've dealt with people ignoring limits set pre-session, photos being taken of me without my consent, sessions being recorded, clumsy attempts to use triggers on me when I voice objections... I do have hypnotist friends I trust now who I could trance with, but tbh, I'm just more comfortable trancing on my own time nowadays. I feel strongly that hypnosis files can still have effect, despite what a battery of Twitter hypnodoms will tell you to the contrary. It just takes a different set of skills to live trancing.

As a subject, the files I've got the most experience with in total are Jack Drago's Masculine Conditioning series, Rigsby's Absolute Jock, and too many of @avissapiens' catalog to list, though I've spent the most time with Douche Gymbro, Perfect Muscle Bull, Painted Himbo, and Abyss Drone as a default "I wanna trance but don't know what file" option. I've done too many other random files to count, but these are the ones I stood by for the longest. (@hyphyphurray is the most recent addition to this staple rotation, someone I only started listening to sometime in the last few years... but more on that in my next post.)

The final thing bit of context I want to give, but haven't already, is my view of masculinisation/personality change hypnosis as a whole. What is it? Is it real? Does it work? How much of it is fantasy?

"Is This Kind of Hypnosis Real?"

Well, the answer changes depending on who you ask. My belief is that personality-change hypnosis is not "roleplay" in the sense we usually use that word in kink, so I prefer to think of it as role experimentation. It provides a chance for us to explore the fit of different psyches, mannerisms and thought patterns to our own defaults, which allows us to see how well they might fit.

For this reason, I often think the different masculine roles explored in hypnosis (himbo, jockboy, jock, bull, pup, bro, alpha, beta, slave) are kind of like mental outfits we try on during trance.

Some people feel more strongly than others that "there is only one of these outfits for every person and you must choose", but I take a looser approach than that. In my own trancing, I like to bounce around. I enjoy files that use the Himbo/Pup/Bro/Jock/Bull/Alpha labels all pretty well, with the only types I dislike being the extremely-submissive ones. I have a pretty varied hypno diet for this reason... and to extend the "outfit" metaphor, I kinda feel like a Disney employee who does Tigger for the morning shift and Gaston for the evening parade or something. They're both ostensibly outfits I'm choosing to put on, roles I'm choosing to play. Are either me?

That's a choice we all make for ourselves, I guess - imo, the "self" that we embody is inherently a kind of role, just one we've gotten very practiced at, so I see no reason the the roles we play within hypnosis are less significant. But I won't get into philosophy/psychology here because it's honestly kinda boring and I have no interest in trying to convert anyone into agreeing with me. But tl;dr, this kinda role experimentation does matter, and the roles it allows us to play with are no less real than others we perform socially, professionally, sexually, or etc., outside of hypnosis.

So.

That's enough for now, as an introduction to what I believe in as a tist/subject. In the next post, I'll be talking about what I actually want from hypnosis as well as what I've achieved thus far. And from then on, these posts will be more like status updates on how my own TF journey is going!

Hope you enjoyed!

-------

This post serves as the introduction to my broader Subject Diaries series, a blog series I plan to maintain on a fortnightly/monthly basis updating people on what I've been listening to, files I've been enjoying, and effects I've been experiencing. When I'm not trancing, I'm usually off being a mystical forest bro in the wilderness of Ireland, but I am always available for commissions here on Tumblr/Soundcloud if you reach out via DM. My flat rate is currently $55-80, but you can always check my pinned post for more up-to-date info. You can also support me with a one-time tip either via Paypal or Ko-Fi, but you'll have to DM for the first.

'Til next time!

[dana-chan-the-control-brain]

"Simply allow the sick person to continue harming themselves while you search for the root of the behavior to help them heal so the behavior stops but in the meantime they WILL CONTINUE HARMING THEMSELVES FOR HOWEVER LONG THAT TAKES" is not a take I was expecting on Tungle.hell but maybe I should have.

Like, you and your friend's extremely rational breakdown of that scene aside.

People need to calm tf down I think.

Also...

Vanessa throwing away their pills is like........

VERY IMPORTANT???

To her character arc???

Because people are taking this scene TOO literally and literally miss the symbolic meaning in the gesture and the connection that Vanessa forms with Mike here, and you only really get this information on a rewatch.

Which, I assume, people HAVE rewatched the film

Mike TOLD her why he takes the pills, and I think she was piecing it together and feeling sympathy for him. Like, that's when she offically decides to help him! It's important for her character arc!!!!!!!!! Cause then she was piecing together who Garret was!

SHE FIGURED OUT WHAT HER FATHER DID TO MIKE.

As she was nearly teary eyed when he was talking about HIS STORY.

Vanessa didn't want him sleeping on the job cus… "You're going to die so fast, wtf you doing man?"

She knew her Dad was out to kill Mike. The process was just halted because of the break-in.

This is when she decides she wants to help Mike.

Not stand up to her father... She feels too weak to do that. She "Wants to help in her own way" << HER LITERAL WORDS.

She wants to Aide in just keeping Mike alive and try her best to not pull the wool over his eyes as much. (she changes her mind on this a few times, but it's evident Afton has a grip on her she can't let go... She's dealing with her own form of Nostalgia poisoning her mind just like Mike is in a different way.)

And another thing if you do want to take the scene too seriously....

In real life, I had a landlord who took heavy narcotics that were prescription and didn't need them. You know what happened? He overdosed, His heart stopped beating and I had to call 911 on him a few times. This is a true story, as people who know me can back up this claim.

AND WHAT DID MIKE DO IN THE MOVIE???

LIKE IN NIGHT FIVE HE OVERDOSED BECAUSE HE HAD A RELAPSE.

THATS WHEN THE KIDS ALMOST KILLED HIM

He didn't really get that far hobbling away from Foxy before he passed out again cus Vanessa is patching him up with no memory on how he got there

And if you got a pharmacist recommending Warm Milk, then he really doesn't need them. I know it's 2002. But even back then, I don't think Pharmacists were like THAT naive.

Well, Gee, it's almost as if the pills are not supposed ta be the focal point but a device used ta further the plot and a metaphor for "escaping reality into nostalgia" or something to match the themes and tone of the overall film? I'm honestly sure if it was soo important to the movie I'm pretty sure the movie would have pointed it out.

Like...

An object in a movie representing an IDEA OR THEME and not being used as a literal physical object?!? What madness is this?

But what do I know?

Like Rosebud is just a sled dude. don't worry about it

[yanderes-galore]

Romantic scenario with TF: Prime's Breakdown please?

Breakdown's fate in TFP was disturbing if you think about it- Not too confident on if I got his character right but I'm trying lol. Darling is an Autobot forced into being a Decepticon in this.

I went from having no ideas for this to having many ideas. Adoring the angst in this. Let me know what you think.

Clouded Judgment

Yandere! TF:P! Breakdown Scenario

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Angst, Violence, Manipulation, Forced relationship, Delusional behavior, Possessive behavior, Attempted mind break, Stockholm Syndrome.

Autobots and Decepticons have been fighting each other for millions of stellar cycles. Those who were once friends were easily pulled away from each other during the war on Cybertron. There was a time you knew Breakdown... before you decided to take sides.

Breakdown and you had been close companions on Cybertron. You two were so different but so compatible. You didn't like the fight... while Breakdown craved it. You wanted to help everyone while Breakdown wanted to go with who was strongest.

Despite differing beliefs... Breakdown still saw you as his close Cybertronian companion. He respected you and your ambition... he even liked you more than just friends. Breakdown held you close to his spark... you thought of him the same.

Then Megatron came into the picture.... Your differing beliefs tore you two apart. Breakdown didn't even get to say goodbye before you were chased away by the very Decepticons he had joined. He wishes you joined...

He wishes he never lost you.

You never left his mind throughout the war. In fact, he encountered you a few times. As he expected... you fell in with the Autobots... and he had to fight you. Breakdown's rival was Bulkhead, they were always matched in strength...

Breakdown was angered even more when he thought of you and Bulkhead being friends instead of you and him being... lovers....

After the war Breakdown didn't see you for stellar cycles. Not until he came onto Earth with Knock Out.... That's when he found the Autobots.

That's when he found you.

Breakdown could no longer just focus on Bulkhead anymore. Breakdown's job was to destroy the Autobots... which he could do.

But he could never break you.

You clouded his judgment. Whenever you met optics he felt his spark stop. He couldn't do this to you... no matter what Megatron said.

You always tell him you don't want to fight him. He can see the sadness in those glowing optics of yours. He knows you don't want to fight him... and maybe you don't have to.

Breakdown still had feelings for you. He was actually grateful you decided to be his distraction for the Autobots. It gave him the excuse to talk to you.

Maybe you thought the same?

The moment he saw you transition to vehicle mode, he followed. Your vehicle form was smaller compared to his but you were fast. Breakdown allowed you two to play this game of chase before he angled his cannon at your ties.

With a quick shot he shoots out your tire. You spin before rolling into vehicle mode. He hears you groan in pain, flinching when Breakdown swaps out of vehicle mode.

"Funny how it's you who chose to be my distraction." Breakdown teases. It sounds too friendly to you though... it appears he hasn't forgotten what you shared between each other.

You probably wouldn't forgive him for what he plans to do next, either.

You don't look him in the optic, scoffing while struggling momentarily to stand. You didn't forgive him. Breakdown could tell you didn't....

"Still a Decepticon I see...."

"You know... I've still missed you after all this time."

"I suggest you can your words. I don't want to hear them."

"You're afraid you'll get attached again, aren't you?"

You glare at him.

"Attached?"

"Don't act like I'm dumb. I KNOW how you felt back then!"

"Those feelings are gone, Breakdown."

"No they aren't..." Breakdown steps closer, causing you to back away with a blaster up. "I know deep in that spark of yours you still love me. You still wish we were together. I chose to follow you here for a reason!"

You give a confused expression, Breakdown stands a few paces away from you.

"If I beat you... I'm making you a Decepticon."

Your optics widen.

"Breakdown what is this nonsense-"

"It's not nonsense!" Breakdown roars, his temper flaring. "Are you really going to push aside how you feel for me, after all these years?"

"You're projecting, Breakdown! As if you haven't done the same!"

Unintentionally going along with the deal Breakdown made, you fight. You fight ruthlessly against each other. Just as any other Autobot and Decepticon would....

Unfortunately you were too caught up in your emotions to realize Breakdown isn't the same weight class as you. While you were faster, once he managed a hit, you were flung into rock.

Breakdown heavily vents, yellow optic staring at your pained figure. He grins confidently before stomping over to you. You stare at him with scared optics as his bulky body leans down to hold your face.

"You hesitated." He smiles. "Did you think I wouldn't notice?"

You try and get up but Breakdown pushes you back into the rock hole. You grunt and he laughs at you.

"I'm sure I can convince Megatron to make you a Decepticon. It'll certainly be better than allowing you around... Bulkhead."

You can hear the sneer in Breakdown's voice when he mentions Bulkhead.

"Be honest with me..." He tightens his grip on your chin and you can hear your metal creak. "Was Bulkhead my replacement? Did you cling to him when I left? Bulkhead is nothing compared to me and you know that...."

"... was Knock Out my replacement, Breakdown?"

There's a deafening silence between you before Breakdown narrows his optic at yours.

"No. Never. I could never replace you. I've wanted to find you for many stellar cycles. Now... I have you. I don't plan to replace you, I don't plan to lose you..."

He transitions his grip to your arm.

"Which is why you're coming with me."

---

You felt only pain. It felt painful to betray the Autobots... your family, with an oath of loyalty to Megatron. It felt painful to receive the Deceptibrand on your metal, covering the Autobot symbol once on you. The emotional rollercoaster Breakdown forced you on certainly didn't help.

You were always around the larger Con. On The Nemesis you felt out of place. Your loyalty did not come from the spark... it was forced.

All Breakdown cared about was the fact he managed to force you to join him in the end. It took stellar cycles but he managed to reunite with you. Even if it was only possible through your suffering.

"I've never stopped loving you..." Breakdown says to you in private. He gives you a sparkfelt smile and keeps you close in his large arms. "Now I don't have to."

Your turmoil eats away at you from the inside. You feel judged by the other Decepticons. You still miss the Autobots....

The only thing that distracted you from it all was Breakdown. With every affectionate glance and touch... it was your only solace. You really did miss him.

Breakdown promises to love you forever like he did before now that you're a Decepticon...

He's the only Con that keeps you sane now... if you lost him you may just lose yourself too.

[aachria]

Alright for once i wont make this long fr (jk)

Ah yes, Ed's weird past life dreams that i always forget are a thing until they jump out at me like an old fandom i was in that i forgot existed that i suddenly want to read fanfic for.

Ed thinking of Sanji and then crying is evil evil evil of you, sometimes i picture you cackling eviley in your lair while writing but then i realize you're definitely sobbing alongside us 😭

NOOOOO going through the strawhats one by one is so mean of you 😭😭😭 also is ed still falling did i miss something 🧍‍♀️

"It ends with me and Luffy, as many things do" like the dream earlier 100% ended on luffy right?? Luffy was the boy right??? Like no way its not him 😭 even if its in a past life

So ed is still in the air and ed is alone and i honestly cant blame them for crying

"I mean, there’s always the chance Coin really will pull through with the pizzazzy ass pickup, but I’m not holding my breath for that." IAM I AM !! IM SO SO SO EXC8TED FOR THEM 🤭🤭🤭

Mf lands and immediately just 🧍‍♀️ makes a graffiti i mean at least bbg isn't cruing anymore 🤷‍♀️

Damn who tf are these giys is ed gonna get beat up 😭 more than they already are 🧍‍♀️

Bro shouldve asked the date at the doctor's

I hope Coin is on lulusia and i hope ed can get to luffy fast enough but the possibility of Ace dying is too real rn

Ed's weird dreams are like a weird rash that only pops up after they've been in a chlorine pool. Should probably be brought up to a doctor, but is it reeeeeally that much of an issue??? (Yes they should go to the doctor for that rash. That rash should be addressed. This metaphor got weirdly out of hand.)

I cackle while perched on my chair WHILE I cry, I'm a multitasker. Maximum angst said systematically go through the Strawhats, so I systematically went through the Strawhats. C'est la vie.

Hmmmmm yeah I wonder about that hmmmm.

Yeah I'd cry too. Ed's real for that.

BREATH EASY POOKIE. BREATH EASY.

The best way to ignore a breakdown is to vandalize public property with stolen goods. Graffiti is good for the soul 👍

Lmaoooo would I keep beating Ed up? Yeah I totally would wouldn't I.

A smart person would have asked the date. Ed is a very very VERY stupid smart person.

Man I hope Coin is in Lulusia too. That would be awesome. Anyway.

[darkchocolatedimples]

keeper characters as things my friends and i have texted!

i'm cleaning out my phone and found wayy too many screenshots

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sophie: i've almost got keefe convinced that storks drop off babies

sophie: this may or may have not incited a breakdown 3:30 am but i've almost done it

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keefe: i'm at the mall with biana she's looking for shoes i'm looking for hot people

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sophie: how does one develop insomnia in level 2? don't know but i'll call it endurance training

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fitz: shut up you simp for my sister

dex: i'm proud

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dex: HOW IS A DEAD PERSON GONNA BE TRAUMATIZED

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keefe: i think i kissed my pillow once when i was 12 or 13

keefe: you know, 70 years ago

keefe: when we still lit things with candles

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sophie with mallowmelt: rock bottom tastes better than it sounds

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dex: idk what it's like to pull a girl i was the one pulled

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keefe: bro my brain waves feel like a siren

keefe: yk what i mean

fitz: i do not

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dex (with braces): imagine loving someone

dex: ...

dex: who has braces

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keefe after sending a picture of himself: omg whos the stylish one i wanna meet him

biana hyping him up: me too he seems so hot wtf

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sophie: YOU WANT PROBLEMS

sophie: ILL GIVE YOU SOME

fitz: this doesn't sound good

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alden: i'm taking a samoa

biana: okay they're five bucks

alden: what no discount? i'm your dad

biana: six bucks

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keefe: i just have the need to be the hottest smarted person in the room at all times to make myself feel valid

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dex: i just wasted 20 mintues of my life on a koala i will never get to see

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fitz: i'm in a whole foods crying by the bobo's toasters

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marella: 420 what's your emergency

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biana: ur so bagelicisous

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marella: shut up band kid

dex: shut up lesbian

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marella: i hope sometimes when the guys at our school are getting a little too cocky they remember that there are literal 2d drawings pulling more bitches than them

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sophie: projection>>>having problems

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biana to keefe: sugar baby would look so good on you

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biana: i love being able to hit men's booties knowing they can't fight back

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dex: british people (derogatory) what tf is beans on toast

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keefe: i WILL breathe more air than you

tam: is this a threat

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dex: this be lookin a little homosexual 🫣

biana: ^us when we see keefe and fitz

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sophie: kmsing 🤭🤭🤭🤭

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biana to fitz: hate to break it to you, you don't like her, you like the boy you think she has a crush on

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grady: maybe getting older is...beginning to like and appreciate bananas

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kenric and jolie: i hope i'm important enough to be the main character from my grave

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sophie: lmao why should i care about anything i'm 15 and i eat chocolate 🤷‍♀️

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keefe: just bc you know you're making me sweat shake and shiver doesn't mean you can or should use that to your advantage (please do) like what the fuck

———————————————————

fitz: i'm not that much of an asshole

dex: this is untrue

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dex: good news! no more cannibalism. bad news, beastiality?

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keefe about sophie: the way we're twinning

keefe: she drinks red bull and cuts bangs at 2am i impulsively get stitches with no thoughts in my head bc i think its cool

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stina: currently about to fight this seagull will update

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dex: i wouldn't mind a shorter guy actually if they're too tall i'm gonna have to break their knees to kiss them

biana: that's the fun part! like glowsticks 🤩