#I'm happy for them to feel comfortable enough now to explore their identities and to come out

[moonlight-at-dawn]

So many of my friends from back home that I made back in high school are coming out as trans now as we approach our 40s

[rosesnink]

WILDFLOWER

Author's Notes

Surprise, @triciabeloved ! I'm your gifter for the Trunk or Treat event! Your art is always soo amazing and your OCs are so well-developed and nuanced and intricate, not to mention that I relate so much to them both, a mere fic wasn't enough, I wanted to bring back to the fandom the songfics! I hope you have a very spooky halloween and that the rest of 2024 treats you kindly and we can chat when my awkwardness leaves my body. Bon appetit and happy trunk or treat!

English isn't my first language, so please forgive any typos/grammar mistakes

For better experience, listen to 'WILDFLOWER' by Billie Eilish.

Likes are nice, but reblogs keeps a post alive!

Summary: Louie and Sophia aren't the most normal siblings in Cedar Cove, and dealing with it is no easy feat at all

Word Count: 1.3k

Category: Siblings, hurt-no-comfort, siblings doomed by the narrative, angst

Rating: G-rated

Characters: Louie and Sophia Magnaye, siblings

Warnings: This fic explores of mentally abusive/untable parents, reader's discretion is advised

Book: High School Story Prime

Things fall apart and time breaks your heart

I wasn't there, but I know

Louie and Sofia Magnaye knew that they weren’t the closest of siblings. Yet, Louie, as well as Sophia, held hope.

Any sort of hope that the other would take the step. That the other would somehow read their mind and simply be the sibling they needed for the other. It couldn’t be just hope. They were siblings. Siblings were the other’s rock, their support, their protector and keeper. My sister’s protector. My brother’s keeper. Just like in the movies.

But this wasn’t movie. It was real life, and real life was not fair with these two.

She was your girl, you showed her the world

Louie was the favorite, everybody knew it. Sophia didn’t resent him, she did not want that for herself, but by God, why her, of all people? Was she not a human being, with flaws and imperfections, just like any other?

Why, why, why did her mother had to make it sting every time she erred in her ways? Why not just let it go?

You fell out of love and you both let go

One thing was to think that your mother didn’t like you. As teenagers, mothers and daughters mostly often clash and disagree, but to see for herself how she never bothered to call and seemed fine with her being gone stung. Hard. The little girl in her screamed and begged in the cold, thick walls of her newer self to turn back, to hug her mother and to see her fight for the child she once wanted.

But such thing never happened.

And knowing her mother, it would never happen. At least, not with Sophia.

She was cryin' on my shoulder, all I could do was hold her

Only made us closer until July

Finding who she was without her brother to keep and protect was grueling and painful to say the least. Many see shedding skins as something cool and badass, but they did not warn Sophia that shedding that skin would tear her apart in a million pieces, and all you could do was watch in horror and feel.

Now I know that you love me, you don't need to remind me

I should put it all behind me, shouldn't I?

Sophia was proud of Louie, that he had found this identity of his, his safe place, away from the overwhelming place of their parents, but why didn’t he call? Did he even wonder where she was? If she was safe, loved, fed? Like a normal brother who loves his sister.

But when were they ever normal siblings?

But I see her in the back of my mind

All the time

Like a fever, like I'm burning alive

Like a sign

Did I cross the line?

Louie always felt terrible for not doing more for Sophia, he really did. She was a child as well, albeit the older, but still a kid who did not deserve that, but what could he do at such age? With what power, what tools?

Every time he wandered across the house, there she was. Doing her usual stuff. But at the same time, she wasn’t. Her dinner seat was empty, her bed was cold, her wardrobe was empty, and the only thing left was her essence and the ghost of her.

Sometimes, Louie swore he heard her, loud and clear, saying the most banal and the most hurting stuff. Why didn’t you call? Why didn’t you find me? Do you care so little? Am I so irrelevant to you?

But Mama had told him that Sophia was better off on her own, yet it didn’t feel right. But if he disobeyed, all would be lost. His mother wasn’t the best, but her love and approval were nicotine. Painful without it, and an adrenaline rush that left you wanting more once you had it. It killed him, but it also gave him purpose. Usefulness.

Should have he called, wondered, asked?

That was a question that would haunt him for life.

Mm, hm

Well, good things don't last (good things don't last)

And life moves so fast (life moves so fast)

I'd never ask who was better (I'd never ask who was better)

Building Berry was challenging, but brought him that joy and happiness that he had craved all along. Autumn, Julian, Nishan, they all were the family he lacked and desperately needed. Yet, Sophia’s ghost still followed him. Still lingered. Still asked those damned questions.

Time passed, and when he saw her again, the world gave yet another turn.

'Cause she couldn't be (she couldn't be)

More different from me (more different)

Happy and free (happy and free) in leather

She had changed. And yet, he still saw her as Sophia. His sister. His keeper. The one who stood and endured, all for the love she held for him, even if it was once.

“You’ve done an amazing thing here, Louie. I’m glad you gave people the home that you and I…”

She didn’t even finish the sentence. She didn’t need to. He knew how it ended.

And I know that you love me (you love me)

You don't need to remind me (remind me)

Wanna put it all behind me, but baby

“What about you? Where were you?”

Sophia looked at him softly “With a trusted friend. It was hard, to put myself together, but I made it. I survived the horrors of the forest, and have built my family. Like…” Like you.

It was daunting and comforting, that they still finished the other’s sentences without having to do it out loud.

They were still siblings who knew the other as if they had birthed one another.

Comforting, yet it hurt like a wound in salt.

I see her in the back of my mind (back of my mind)

All the time (all the time)

Feels like a fever (like a fever), like I'm burning alive (burning alive)

Like a sign

Did I cross the line?

“…Did you ever wonder if I was okay, Louie? If I was safe? If I missed you? If I wanted to see you?”

The pained expression on his face said it all. “All the time, Soph.”

And he’d forever kick himself for not do it.

“So did I, you know. I knew that you were provided for, but…”

But you were never seen. Or loved. Not unconditionally, at least. It always came with a price. A price too expensive for a child.

You say no one knows you so well (oh)

But every time you touch me, I just wonder how she felt

Valentine's Day, cryin' in the hotel

“I never meant to, but… you know Mom…”

Sophia’s fists clenched. Of course she’d want her away from ‘corrupting’ her golden child.

She wanted to yell, to ask what was so wrong with her that she just wasn’t enough for her, no matter what to do.

She remembered telling her friend “It doesn’t matter if I win four Nobel awards in a night, to my mom, it’ll still not be enough.”

And like then, he heart flinched. Because it was so true, it just hurt so damn much.

I know you didn't mean to hurt me, so I kept it to myself

And I wonder

“Did you ever regret it? Leaving us… leaving me behind?”

Sophia’s pain finally came visible “I regret leaving you in that hell house. I should’ve brought you with me, tell the authorities… anything to keep you by my side and protect you as… as your keeper.”

He held her hand, and gave it a meaningful squeeze.

Do you see her in the back of your mind?

In my eyes?

He was about to speak when Autumn’s voice called him back to his duties. Sighing, he made a face “Duty calls.”

“Of course. Here’s my number, in case that…”

You say no one knows you so well

But every time you touch me, I just wonder how she felt

Valentine's Day, cryin' in the hotel

I know you didn't mean to hurt me, so I kept it to myself

Finally, she turned around and left, and Louie readjusted his beanie, going over to Autumn, hiding his true feelings once again, like he had been doing it all his life.

[pizzaronipasta]

Fuck it, I'm trying out a new label.

Bigender

Lately, I've been fantasizing about wearing skirts and thigh-highs, but at the same time I've been really happy with my (short) hairstyle and my facial hair. At first, I thought this was just me finding out I was gender non-conforming. I rationalized it as me finding thigh-highs sexually attractive, and enjoying the sex-positivity of rocking them for myself.

But that made me wonder what that meant for me. Did that make me a femboy or something? My attachment to my more masculine features made that a really confusing question. Eventually, I turned my thoughts to gender identity. Either it could answer my questions, or it could at the very least rule out a lot of possibilities and make things easier to figure out. I thought about it long and hard. The process was infuriatingly fruitless, since I felt something when I considered identifying as a girl, but I hated the idea of committing to it fully. And at the same time, I was very comfortable with identifying as male, but it still felt like something was wrong. In the end, I gave up and went back to considering myself gender non-conforming, maybe something like a femboy.

But the uncertainty was agonizing. My mind kept wandering back to this topic, never any less confused. Finally, when fantasizing about presenting femininely at one point, the word "she" happened to flash in my mind. Before then, I didn't mind she/her pronouns, but I never identified with them. It never felt like they were referring to me. But in that moment, the word "she" just felt so natural, so right. I realized that the reason I never truly identified with she/her pronouns was because I had never explored my femininity like this. I also realized that she/her pronouns didn't feel right in many cases because I associate my name with he/him so strongly. So I thought up a variant of my name, similar enough that I could easily identify with it, but much more feminine. It immediately felt good when I tried out switching back and forth between my two names. (Even saying "my two names" just now felt nice.) Pairing the names with the corresponding pronouns, I could finally identify properly with both identities without dissonance. I still have some doubts about a couple things, but I feel like I've finally figured out enough to give the label a proper trial run.

Also, thank you @sonia-wah-wah for bringing bigender concepts to my attention. Some posts you made a while back put the idea in my head and are probably what planted the seeds for all this. Good luck with your own questioning, if you still have anything to figure out.

[hyphensix]

Hi. I'm hyphensix, and this is a letter to my younger self.

Hey. I know you're going through a lot right now and things feel overwhelming and hopeless. I remember how it felt, like there was nothing within my power that I could do to change my life for the better, like I was trapped and my circumstances were insurmountable. But you're going to get through it and build a life that you never even thought was possible. You're not just going to survive, you're going to thrive. I know that's hard to believe right now, but you have to believe me, and I promise you'll get there.

I know you don't like who you are right now. You hate so many things about yourself, and you feel so much shame that you hide the real you. Nobody really knows you, because you're terrified of how they'll see and treat you if they do. That's a really hard place to be in. It's exhausting to keep people at arm's length while craving acceptance and belonging. You feel damaged, broken, unwanted, undeserving of love--but those things aren't true. You are enough, you are whole, and you are worthy of being adored and loved.

I'm not going to lie to you, it's not going to be an easy path to understanding and accepting your worth. You may not even be aware of it, but you went through a lot of trauma growing up. You never felt safe or comfortable in your home, or kinship with your family. You felt like you were always being watched, always being judged, never good enough. Your parents treated you as a trophy to be shown off, not a person with goals and desires--your priorities were dictated to you, your performance never measured up, and your wants were dismissed. You were never given real chances to follow your curiosity, explore your identity, or make mistakes--you had to be perfect, constantly, to someone else's image of what perfection was.

But you are your own person, and you don't have to be perfect or live your life according to someone else's vision. You don't need someone else's approval to pursue your own happiness, and you don't need to bleed yourself dry trying to make them happy. It's an unfamiliar, uncomfortable thought when you always took measure of your life according to someone else's standards, and you may feel lost and anchorless at first, but that's okay. It's all part of the process of standing on your own two feet. It takes time to build up those muscles, and you'll stumble and fall as you learn, but before long, you'll have the strength and independence to go where you want to go.

And if you find yourself struggling, give yourself the same patience you give to others who falter. Ask for help and give opportunities for others to help you like you help them. It's not weakness--refusing assistance when you need it, avoiding being vulnerable in front of others, and faking bravado is weakness of ego and character. You don't have to constantly put up this front that everything is under control and you've got it all figured out. As long as you keep putting in the effort, as long as you don't give up when things get hard, and as long as you understand that this journey isn't about reaching some endpoint and coasting, but constant and consistent incremental self-improvement, you will keep making progress to a better and happier life. And you'll find close trusted friends along that path.

There are things in your life that you can't control, no matter how much you want to. You can't change other people, they can only change themselves if they want to change. Conversely, you are the only one who can make changes in your own life. You may not be able to dictate your circumstances, but you can exert control over who you are: what you say and what you do. For so much of your life up to now, you've been reacting to things that happen to you, letting the swings of your emotions lead your words and actions. But it doesn't have to be that way. You can feel your emotions and that initial reaction, then decide deliberately how you're going to respond to the situation. Building your character, too, is like building a muscle. The more you exercise it, the stronger it gets over time.

But you don't just go into a gym and lift random weights, you go in with a plan with exercises designed to get you to your goals, personalized to your current state and abilities. Cultivate that mindset of understanding where you are, defining where you want to be, planning how you'll get there, and what you'll do when you face setbacks. Start small, set realistic and achievable goals, and make steady progress toward them. You can't change the past, but you can move forward in the future. You can be the person you want to become. You will be the person you want to become.

I believe in you, and I'm rooting for you. I hope we'll talk again soon,

hyphensix.

[autisticlifelessons]

Hello there,

I'm a parent to a child that I strongly suspect has autism and ADHD. The characteristics were subtle at first, but over the years they've have become more apparent. They're now in their tweens, and I'm finding it difficult to connect with them.

They have obscure interests, and while we try to appeal to those as much as we can, it never seems to be enough. They want the novel experience of something new (ADHD), whilst still wanting to stay firmly within their comfort zone (ASD). Most family and social events are met with hostile disapproval and repugnance, but they also complain about being bored and lonely. This is a complex balancing act to include them and make them feel comfortable, and more often than not I don't get it right, try as I might. This is causing my child a lot of frustration, depression, and moodiness since their emotional and psychological needs are not being met. They aren't willing to compromise, and I don't know what else to do to help bring some happiness and joy into my child's life.

It also doesn't help that I have another child with special needs that requires my time and attention as well. I have ADHD, and my older child's bluntness can be incredibly hurtful and trigger my own RSD (which they also have, but struggles to empathize when the shoe is on the other foot). I am aware that I am the adult in the situation and should handle this better, yet I am also a sensitive ND person and going through my own psychological growth in life. There seems to be arguments or heated interactions between them and other family members on a daily basis, and I don't want that for any of us.

I have seen my child at their best, and they practically GLOW with elation and confidence during those times. They're so very intelligent, talented, and clever, and it saddens me so much to see them so depressed and withdrawn the rest of the time. There is an important place in this world for my wonderful child, but I'm unsure of how to help them.

Is there any advice, even small, that you could offer for someone in my position?

Hey

I haven't been doing much with this blog lately so I'm so sorry if you have been waiting a long time for a response.

That sounds like a really sucky situation and I am sorry you and your family are going through this. You sound like a wonderful parent doing their absolute best and it must be so frustrating to feel like your efforts aren't getting you anywhere.

The tween years are a time of transition and can be rough even for neurotypical children as their bodies and minds change and grow and they begin exploring their identity. It may be that there is nothing else you can so except continue to support them as best you can until they find some new equilibrium. In terms of protecting your own and your other child's wellbeing, it may be time to enact a bit of 'tough love' by asserting boundries on what is and isn't acceptable. You could help them come up with coping strategies such as box breathing to help them calm down when they are frustrated.

I hope that helps. But coming from a family of neurodivergent people with differing traits and support needs I know how hard it can be to try at support someone while trying to protect your own mental health.

Hang in there, you got this xxxxx

[cityofsinx]

✑ main ✑ bio ✑ face ✑ muse ✑ wishlist ✑

about:

This is a sideblog, and I follow back from my main @grimmusings. Please direct IMs there, since it's easier for me to keep all my messages on one blog. It's also easier to start interactions with me there, where I regularly post open starters and meme prompts. For a full list of rules, see my main. Honesty hour questions will largely be answered IC and treated as anonymous unless signed by a muse.

All details vary based on verse, but in general I write Nancy based on the Sin City (2005) film, with occasional elements or connections from the comics pulled in as needed. However, her primary verses and character arc will come from the first film, without influence from A Dame to Kill For (2014) unless specifically plotted. I’m happy to write her into AUs and fandom crossovers, but for ease, I typically write as though Basin City exists within the Marvel/DC universes as a lawless entity unto itself, much like Madripoor.

And now, some warnings! Sin City contains quite a lot of triggering material, specifically:

Nancy is a stripper at Kadie's nightclub and still is in some verses, so this may be written out occasionally and referenced often.

She's also canonically in love with a man old enough to be her father, so there will be legal age gap shipping here.

Finally, she's been the target of a rapist/pedophile (Roark Jr. / That Yellow Bastard) once or twice, verse depending. I will not be exploring that theme in depth in any threads, since I'm not comfortable writing underage/non-con, but it will be referenced from time to time as part of her history.

If you’re not comfortable with these concepts, that’s perfectly fine, but this isn’t the muse for you.

wanted connections:

This is by no means a comprehensive list, and I can roll with most muses as far as basic interactions. I’m happy to ship Nancy with other comics characters and OCs/fandom crossovers based on chemistry. There is never any pressure to ship with me, even if they're on my list.

OTPs: John Hartigan Possible Ships: Dwight, Johnny, Wade Wilson, Frank Castle, most antiheroes (she's soft for all the tough guys with good hearts) NOTPs: Roark family, Kevin Other: Marv (<3), Eric Draven, any Marvel/DC muses

default verses:

sin city: This verse takes place during the time Nancy is a law student and a dancer at Kadie's, after John Hartigan's release from prison and Roark's second attack. It may or may not acknowledge Hartigan's death.

a really good lawyer: After Hartigan and Roark's deaths, Nancy finishes law school and becomes a lawyer, fighting the corruption in Basin City much the way her hero did. It does not acknowledge the events of A Dame to Kill For.

multiverse!madness: Various comics universes collide, whether Marvel/DC/etc. have always existed on the same Earth, or other-dimension shenanigans are at work. Duplicate friendly!

verses by request only:

I'm happy to write these, but since they're more specific AUs, I don't default on them for asks/memes. Please feel free to request them.

a dame to kill for: Nancy goes down a darker path after Hartigan's death and seeks revenge on the Roark family.

gods & avengers: Comics characters are reincarnations of Greek gods. Nancy is vaguely aware of Persephone's power manifesting in her, but she has yet to realize her true identity.

welcome to westview: A month after being Blipped back into existence and still heartbroken over Hartigan's death, a grieving Nancy joins Wanda in Westview for her happily ever after.

[ankoku-teion]

Ok, so. To do a somewhat better job of articulating my feelings on this:

I know for a certainty that I am not simply cisgender.

I have questioned my gender previously but never took it further than the inside of my head. June of this year, I took a leap and bought myself some feminine clothing and it has changed my world significantly.

I started doing some research and some reading and some deep exploration of myself. Because I've never really tried to engage with the gender identity labels before.

I started off exploring the ideas of being a-gender, enby, or gender fluid.

I've not got a strong internal sense of what my gender is exactly. There's nothing in there that says "i am MAN" or "I am WOMAN" that a lot of other people seem to have. So maybe a-gender. But a lot of the a-gender people I've read/spoken to have a very definite sense of NOT being those things, which I also dont have. I just lack the abstract concept, which I think is because I'm autistic, so I just engage with my gender in a different way. Which is true of my emotions. I dont have an abstract concept of a lot of emotions, instead I experience them as physical sensations which I then have to consciously translate.

So probably not a-gender?

I've ruled out gender fluid too on the basis that I dont feel differently from day to day, I still want to express it in the same ways I just feel external pressure not to in some situations. (And sorting out what was internal Vs external took me a long time too)

Over the course of this I've been edging towards the trans label too. It might fit me? But.i don't quite feel comfortable identifying that way. I feel like I'm trespassing or something. I have friends who are binary trans and on HRT, and have been for years, and I've talked with them a lot over the years about their struggles and experiences. Taking on the label feels disrespectful to them I guess. And trying to talk about this with them was fucking nerve-wracking too, even though I knew they'd understand, I couldn't suppress the fear that they'd call me out as a weirdo and tell me I was appropriating their community.

So for now I'm settling on Enby. Because I know I'm not a cis man, but I don't feel comfortable with trans woman either. Trans as a broad umbrella term, I'm ok with, but "trans woman" specifically gives me trepidation.

I definitely like dressing femme, the first picture I took of myself in a blue dress with my red wig was the first picture of myself that I've seen since I was 14 and not instantly hated. I wear silicone breasts and a bra full time now too, and it just feels right in a way I can't explain.

Every time someone on this site uses she/her or calls me Sarah I get a small thrill of happiness down my spine. And my friends have remarked that I'm noticeably happier and more energetic overall the last couple of weeks.

I actually enjoy clothes shopping now too? It's still as awkward and frustrating as it ever was, if not moreso now because it's even harder to find anything that fits, but when I do, it makes me happy enough that it's worth it.

I'm still crap at painting my nails, but again, it makes me very happy. Even the opportunity to be frustrated and disappointed by the results feels better than not doing it.

I saw a post a couple of hours ago about fish not knowing they're wet, and that being a metaphor for trans folk in denial and dysphoria. And I honestly am starting to feel like the fish being lifted out of the water. Panicky and scared. But also now I know the water is wet.

My mental health has been in the shit since I was 14, Ive constantly hated myself and my body for seemingly all different reasons or no reason at all. Now in hindsight it kind of makes sense.

I'm taking this whole thing in small steps and avoiding the big questions for now, because trying to think about that now is overwhelming, but it kind of all falls into place when I look back on it.

hey are you a girl now

Ehhh, I guess?

I'm definitely happier being femme. Still not entirely sure what to do with that.

[jennagrinsoverml]

Hey Jenna! Thank you for your help with finding fics to read! I'd like to know your opinion about smut fics. The ML fandom seems to be divided, a part of the fandom is strongly against any smut. Is it really inappropriate to write and read smut?

Anon, I was so entertained to get this ask.

Not only am I very much in favour of smut fics, I even write them myself!

But you are correct that the fandom is divided on this in a way I haven't really seen in any of my previous fandoms. For most of my extremely lengthy time in fandom, I've found smut to be much more prevalent. I got my start in Buffy fandom when I was 14 years old and when I discovered "NC-17" fics (as we called them then), well, I didn't have much interest in reading anything else.

Now, some people are going to read that I was a 14 year old reading explicit depictions of sex and they're going to clutch their pearls.

I think that's ridiculous.

I think that written fiction is a wonderful and SAFE way for people (even, no ESPECIALLY minors) to explore things that they're interested in or curious about before actually engaging with those things. And, especially in the case of sex, I certainly think it's a lot better than many of the alternatives like porn or trying things before you're ready. A lot of people will engage in sexual acts before people think they're old enough to read about those same acts and I think that's ridiculous.

I'm now old and married with kids of my own and I have absolutely no regrets or qualms about my early foray into smutty fic. Honestly, I don't even regret my TERRIBLE attempts at writing my own then because they were learning experiences.

I think that this fandom generally being a lot younger is part of the lack of smutty content, and that's okay. I'm certainly not suggesting that fans who are not interested in or not comfortable with that kind of content should seek it out. That's part of why I always make sure to put the M and E rated fics at the end of my rec lists under a warning. (But I only state minors should "beware" and not that they can't read them because I'm not actually against minors reading smut if they want to and can handle it.)

But I do want to push back against this idea that sex is somehow different than any of the other things that humans can do with our bodies, this idea that there's any kind of value or morality attached to it. I know this fandom likes to use "sin" to refer to smut, but I specifically don't do that because I think it's harmful. Some of the people using it may be joking or tongue in cheek, but I think these ideas can hurt people, make them feel guilty about their natural desires or the consensual behaviour they engage in.

People touching each other's bodies to make each other feel good isn't inappropriate, as long as everyone's consenting. People reading about this or writing about it isn't inappropriate either.

It's just sex.

Anyway, you didn't ask for recs, but I'm going to throw some on here anyway (jumping my rec list queue to boot!) because the smut writers in this fandom are amazing and I appreciate them so, so much! Frankly, I wish there was more 😘

ALL OF THE FOLLOWING FICS ARE RATED E!!!!

Let Yourself Be Happy by @kasienda

Kwamiswap ladrien with an amazing identity reveal. I'm reccing this first because of @kasienda's focus on sex positivity, the fact that she eschewed fandom tradition and wrote them 17 because--and clearly a lot of people aren't ready to accept this--but teenagers have sex. And because she wrote it in response to the kind of purity culture BS that had people actually sending her anons telling her to kill herself.

Something Sweet by @ghostlyhamburger

A game of truth or dare leads to a lot more for adrinette. Honestly, choosing just one of @ghostlyhamburger's fics was so hard. With 120 explicit fics, 63 for the love square alone, @ghostlyhamburger is single handedly feeding the smutty side of ML fandom.

your lips are meant to be kissed by @zimtlein

PRPR that starts with a forehead kiss. The sexual tension in this one just bout killed me and then OMG does @zimtlein deliver at the end!!

@devillustrator | nsfw art blog | will draw for €€€ by @isadorator

2-part series ladrien with the hottest identity reveal I've ever read and I've recced this fic so many times and I will rec it so many more times because it doesn't have nearly enough kudos for how amazing it is!!! Y'all are sleeping on this one. (Read it for Adrien letting his dorky Chat side out and punning during sex if for no other reason.)

Charmed, I'm Sure by @chatonne-rousse

Ladynoir FWB that doesn't shy away from sharing those benefits with us. Also there's an identity reveal and it's fantastic.

[songfell-ut]

General project and also life update

Hey guys, remember this pic? If not, well hello to this pic by @xxkoichiixx because it's an excellent pic.

I don't do this often, but it occurs to me that y'all have something of a stake in my general affairs, and I have an update about them under the cut.

Tl;dr is that I did not swindle you guys but

God, I hate this fecking interface. Anyway.

You all know how I raised funds a little over a year ago to go on an anniversary trip with my husband, and promised to write a certain quantity of smut? I fully intend to do so, and it will probably be soon, taking place immediately after the end of chapter 27.

The reason I feel icky about it has nothing to do with smut in itself, and only somewhat to do with it being so gosh-darn late. The thing is, when I pitched the whole thing as "husband desperately needs and deserves this trip please help make it happen," I wasn't fibbing whatsoever. He did, and we had an absolutely wonderful time, the memory of which I will genuinely cherish for the rest of my life.

Does that sound alarming? It should. We're getting a divorce.

There are several reasons, and the ones I feel comfortable sharing are that I realized I cannot help him become a better or happier person, despite 15+ years of my absolute best efforts, and I do not owe myself or our daughter any more of the heartache of living with someone so bitter that he barely tolerates his loved ones.

He's also wanted to explore his gender and sexual identities for a long while, but it's a terrible time to be LGBT+ in America and he's genuinely frightened to do so. I fully support him in whatever he needs to do to be happy, and anyone trying to taunt me for "making him gay" will receive a head pat and a kick in the dick (said dick will be provided first if necessary)...but ngl, it does kinda sting that he has to ditch us for everything to be just right.

Actually, it stings a lot. 2022 was one of the worst years of my entire life. I thank all my fandom friends for their love and support, without which I low-key don't know what the fuck I would have done. Shout-out to @dale-the-human in particular. You know what u did >_> <3

(I'm logged into this account on my laptop and my God, the computers I used at college 12 years ago had better emojis than this)

Speaking of Dale, it's been a rough time all around, but we're still slogging along on the videos. I don't remember who I told that it'd be about a month, but that is probably not correct, for which I apologize.

Songfell itself is coming along too, but as you can imagine, in addition to the stress of existing in general, I have had tremendous difficulty writing about a broken family trying to heal. It's even worse for Beauty & the Bones, as "husband who does not give a shit about his wife's feelings/expresses it badly enough to really hurt her" could not be a sorer subject for me and all I want is to make that Sans suffer. Aggre: Seeing Red should hopefully get updated by the end of the month, but we know me, so we'll just have to wait and see.

In conclusion, I hate to provide that cap-off to the smutraiser, but the money generated was not wasted, and the trip was crucial in helping me see that while the man I married is in there somewhere, all it takes is a molecule of reality to crush him, and he will no longer accept my love or friendship to help him through it. (And a giant part of the heartache is that we emotionally split in September, but he's still living here because he can't afford to move out. Cute, eh?)

You guys have been unrelentingly patient with me, and it means more to me than I can express without dissolving into weepy gifs. I will try to get better about responding to reviews and posting literally anything on Patreon shiiiit I knew I was forgetting something argh and life in general. Peace out for now <3

[wearequeer-andwearehere]

hey so I'm a teenager and I've never really thought about my identity all that much. I've kinda been shielded my whole life from this stuff, but lately I've been interacting with some people online and I keep getting asked what my pronouns are. I'm afab, and I'm okay with being a girl, but I don't mind any pronouns. if someone used he/him on me or called me a boy I wouldn't be bothered, but I also don't feel like I'm entirely a dude. if someone used they/them on me that's also cool. and people using she/her my whole life has never bothered me. personally, idrc all that much about labels, if other people use them and are proud of them, thats great, I want people to do and be whatever makes them happy. but I'm kinda curious about where I'd land on the gender spectrum. I've kinda wondered if I'm genderfluid, but that doesnt exactly fit because at any given time I'm okay with being anything. so I found the gender pangender, but I don't feel like I'm "all genders". if someone asked me how I identify I just say I'm a cis female but by definition I'm not. sorry for this really long winded question, but in summary, is it okay to have like.. no labels? or does that make me cis?

hey anon!! hope life’s going okay for you kid!!

see the thing is, i used to stress out about shit like this too, but with different labels. i was like omg am i cis, wait shit am i transmasc, or am i genderfluid, am i nonbinary?

then i realised:

it doesn’t matter. what matters is what makes me HAPPY.

so, don’t ask “what gender am i? am i cis or trans?” ask “what makes me happy?”

if you wanna go by they/he/she, do that. if a label makes you happy, then use it. be happy and it’ll all fall into place.

the thing is, labels are like jackets. you can try em on for a bit. if you don’t like em, that’s okay! try another one, or lots of them, or don’t have one at all!

so basicallt, pick a label you think you’d like. maybe multi gender, in your case (having many genders,) and just, yknow, try it on for a day! wake up, brush your teeth, and imagine introducing yourself, in the mirror, “hi, i’m x, i use these pronouns, im multi gender!” and like go about your day, go to school talk to friends do the dishes watch tv and think at the back of your head “im multi gender,” just try it on, see how it feels! you can always ditch it if you don’t like it.

there’s this misconception that just bc something feels weird the label ain’t right. but that ain’t always true. someone once compared it to new shoes, and that’s exactly how it feels. sometimes, new shoes feel weird bc they’re just the wrong size.

but sometimes, new shoes feel weird bc you’re not used to them, and you haven’t worn em enough yet, but after a week or so, you think, goddamn these are so comfortable, how did i ever walk with the old ones?

so if a label ever feels weird, think: is it bad weird, or new shoes weird?

to answer your question: if you don’t feel cisgender, if u wanna explore other shit, then you ain’t cis. but if u want to ID as cis you can. it’s up to you kid. explore and fuck around with gender, and if you do turn out to be cis, you just know yourself better now.

now go be happy and fuck around and don’t worry too much about labels, alright?

sending so so much love!! i hope i could help you out. take care of yourself, kay? <33333

[eligaxy]

Wind

☆ℜ𝔢𝔩𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫𝔰𝔥𝔦𝔭 : Venti x gn!Reader

☆𝔚𝔞𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰 : near death experience, you’re confused asf about everything, bad writing cause i suck, spoilers for the we will be reunited quest!! And also for venti’s backstory, venti is serious for once (yes it’s a legitimate warning🤚)

☆𝔊𝔢𝔫𝔯𝔢 : Some angst, some fluff? Idk bye🤨

☆𝔖𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔞𝔯𝔶 : "It's okay, it's over now" he kneeled to be at your level, his arms still wrapped around you, and you didn't have the energy to fight your urge of nuzzling into him. "I'll always be here for you, wherever there is wind, remember I'm here too. You only need to ask." (2.8k words)

♪𝔑𝔬𝔱𝔢𝔰 : i’m an idiot simp, i did this in one sitting and half asleep, english isnt my first language BLA BLA IM SORRY FOR MY POOR WRITING BUT HAVE THIS

basically you don’t know if you can trust venti or not, head says no, heart screams yes

Also, I was listening to stormterror’s lair ost while writing it, just because its fucking amazing, you might wanna listen to it too

I’m nervous to post this?/&:! This is the second fic i’ve ever finished in my whole life

i love venti and he’s hot in his god outfit i don’t make the rules

KAY ENJOY <3

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

"Please, anybody... Just help me."

Saying you were exhausted would have been an understatement. After reuniting with your sibling, you had been frantically searching for clues about khaenri'ah and ways to Inazuma. With no luck, you couldn't find any traces of Dainsleif or of your twin. The ruins had been sealed and you had no idea what happened to the inverted statue or the corpse you had found there. Desperately, you clung into every little information you had, you would have turned every rock on this archon damned continent if you had to, which is what led you into those ruins near Guilli plains.

Walking along the destroyed buildings your eyes caught sight of a dandelion and you froze. You missed them so much, why couldn't they go back home with you? All you ever wanted was to be by their side why, why were they running away from you?

You remembered your travels, the moments you shared together, their protectiveness over you, the fondness in their eyes when you smiled at them. You remember the times you got hurt and healed one another with your now missing powers. You remember sleeping by their side and being grateful to the universe to let you keep your ray of sunshine everywhere with you. How ironic.

What had they meant 'once you reach the end of your journey' ? What does that even mean? Stupid twin, if they knew you were here the whole time, why hadn't they come to you? Why were they always leaving just when they were within your grasp? Why? Did they know how much you missed them and how much your heart broke when you finally saw them? Did they?

You only realized you were crying when a small gust of wind had your wet cheek react to the cold, breaking your train of thought. Wind.

The wind is everywhere, you think, free as a bird, always accompanying every citizen of this world, never truly alone. With this in mind, you resumed your exploring, slower this time.

A sigh escaped your mouth. You didn't want to admit it, but the wind did comfort you a little. Almost as if he was here. God of freedom and of the breeze, he was more a singer than a protector and you couldn't bear to think about him. Was it true? What Dain said... Did he destroy this nation? Was he the cause of the scenery that still haunted your nightmares up until 500 years later? Your brain simply couldn't accept that Venti, your Venti, you catch yourself thinking, could have made such an act of wrath. He was the epitome of freedom, why would he take the very thing he based all of his existence on from mere mortals? Barbatos simply couldn't be afraid of being overpowered, he didn't even care about power. All he wanted was freedom and happiness for his people. Surley this couldn't be right?

But then again, who were you to deny the wipe out of an entire nation? The gods did it. They were afraid that Celestia would be overthrown by the pride of humankind, the destruction of khaenri'ah by divine beings was a fact. There was no misunderstanding about this. That was the one thing you were sure of. So why did you feel like crying even more now?

The mere thought of a gentle soul such as Venti committing innocent people to an eternity of suffering didn't sit right with you. Even when his dearest friend Dvalin had turned against him, he didn't try to stop him, didn't even ask the dragon to save him. He healed and helped him, gave him a choice.

'What is freedom if demanded of you by a god?' was the same person that asked this question the same one who committed mass murder? Genocide?

Did the little wine-lover bard you had grown fond of destroy all hopes and light your kin had?

You remember that night when he freed Stanley from his burden, freed his and his friends' spirits. You had marveled at his action, in that instant he was a god, and he definitely hadn't struck you as a murderer. You remember that look of silent pain and grief in his eyes when he sang the tales of the nameless bard he had taken the appearance of. You knew he trusted you enough to share his story, something so personal, you could almost feel the war that took down the tyrant of Mond. Oh how much you cherished that evening, treating him to some well deserved dandelion wine afterwards, his favorite, and asking him to sing you more about the time where was nothing but the spirit of a breeze.

Your heart broke a little, remembering his rosy cheeks and drunk smile, you wish you could talk to him, ask him what happened. What did he do, was he really as dangerous as you had been told? If so, then why did you feel so good around him? Why did you feel like you could give hi-

You stopped walking upon seeing a ruin guard up ahead in the distance. You're so stupid, you think. Feeling this way is not gonna get you anywhere, especially with how the bard had been missing for a few weeks now. Ever since you had last seen your sibling.

Where was he, where was he wandering off to? You walk towards the disabled ruin guard, not really paying any mind to it, still thinking about the god you longed to meet with. If you could see him, what would you even say? Would he even answer your questions? Why did your stomach feel so light and funny when you thought about seeing him, why aren't you angrier?

You're almost at the killing machine's level now, so lost in your thought you don't notice the five other similar robots hidden behind a wall next to it. You notice them only when it's too late and you've already turned them on while thinking about examining them and collecting their serial numbers. When you hear the familiar tick of the mechanism turning on, you internally panic and think about running away only to calm down moments later and think to yourself that you can simply beat it and take what you came here for. Even if you are emotionally and physically tired, you can manage, you think.

That was before hearing five other consecutive ticks right after it, and all around you.

Turning around, your gaze falls upon the small army of field tillers. Fuck.

Paimon wasn't with you today, you had asked for some time alone which she hesitantly accepted, so you couldn't ask her to go fetch help. You would have been worried if you had all your capacities but with the state you were in, you were wondering how you were going to survive this fight. You were alone, none of your companions with you, and deeply weakened by the busy day you had and the few hours of sleep you had managed to steal away from the night. Was it today you would meet your doom, with all your questions and uncertainties unanswered?

You tried your best to fight with the strength you had left, but quickly grew desperate after what felt like hours of efforts to swing your blade and being able to only take one monster down out of the six. It didn't help that you got injured along the way, their blows becoming harder and harder to dodge. After being thrown on the grown for the third time, you understood you had at least two broken ribs and that your shaking legs would soon fail you as well.

Fear crept upon you, you would die here today, alone. Alone. You couldn't talk to your sibling after all, couldn't understand. You didn't even get to talk to him one last time. Him... You would die without the knowledge of the truth about your bard. You would die alone. You didn't want that, you couldn't look death straight in the eye.

"Please, anybody... Just help me."

-

In Mondstadt, there was a musician, a weird singer everyone had heard about at least once. He lived off of his songs and was mostly known for having a great story-telling and being an alcoholic.

The number of people who knew the true nature of his identity were few and he was perfectly content with that. He didn't wish to be a god anymore, his gnosis had been taken away anyway and it's not like he had any power over the city of wind nowadays. Even if his people still worshipped him as Barbatos, it didn't sit right with him to be called a god anymore. It actually never did, he thinks to himself with a smile, he never really took any responsibilities that came with the divine title which is why he was so weak today. But it didn't matter to him, his smile turns into a soft giggle.

Sitting on a mill that was once born from his steps he looks fondly over the city he founded. Even if they were godless, the citizens were still thriving and free. He cared oh so very deeply about the place even if he rarely, if not never, showed the affection within his heart. He remembers the day he grew strong enough to dispel the storms over his actual Mondstadt, and made the weather gentle enough so that there was no need for fireplaces. Nowadays, he loves watching birds nest into the chimney tops and seeing them found their own home. It gave him a sense of belonging like no other, not above his people, but walking among them and watching them nest into this cocoon he created. He was proud of what happened to his land and would do it all over again if he had to.

Especially since it led to him meeting you. This thought doesn't catch him off guard, you often roamed around in his mind after all, and it's not like he didn't write at least three songs about you and your feat, your smile, your courage...

Ah there he goes again, rambling about you in a whisper. He turns around to the statue of him his people erected in his honor, chuckling at how they never made the connection with his signature braids. His, but not really his, since he had stolen this form from someone who was much more deserving of this power than him. Seeing his friend being honored with the statues of the seven around the land made him happy, he hoped that it was a good enough thank you gift in return for everything that the bard whom he couldn't even remember the name of anymore did for him.

Upon gazing at the statue, he remembered telling you of his long gone friend. It was the first time he had talked about him to someone else, he didn't even mention it to Venessa, she who made him believe in himself again. He could ask himself why, but he simply knew that you had something different, more than meets the eye. Perhaps it was because you weren't from Teyvat, or perhaps it was just you being as simple as your natural self but he was simply and utterly captivated by your being. You inspired him to no end, at first he thought it was because he had never met someone like you and he loved new things! But as time grew and he got to know you, he understood quickly the meaning and depth of his passions. He thought of it with a light chuckle, content with your presence alone. He really did need and want you around.

So why did he purposely avoid you like the plague?

The wind had brought to his ears that you had met with Dainsleif.

And your twin.

His first reaction was to search for you, talk to you, he wanted to be here to know what happened! You had searched so long, he couldn't contain himself, still listening to what the wind told him, he started running with excitement but... But wait, Dainsleif was... He told you what?

Oh.

So you heard about Khaenri'ah. He had stopped dead in his tracks and turned back, only sending a warm current of wind your way, hugging you from afar.

He wasn't ready to talk about this yet, not ready to face you and absolutely not ready to answer your questions. He was a coward, he thought, running away like that but what else could he do, really. It was only natural for him to be as uncatchable as air.

A sorry excuse to avoid the fact that even if his past had marvelous story like the one of the nameless bard, it also had its share of darkness, something he wasn't ready to dive back into. Especially not now when your arrival has been shaking this world up like it hasn't been since at least 500 years.

But oh, how he longed to see your face or to hear your voice. So he asked a breeze to report to him what you were up to, and where you were. Just in case! he tells himself, what if you needed help ehe? But he knows you're competent and you won't need the help of a weakling coward like him anytime soon. Or so he thought.

Because when the breeze only gives him a few words back, his blood runs cold.

"Please, anybody... Just help me."

-

As you murmured these words in your desperate state, not really for anyone but yourself as a last resort, a prayer of some sort, you tried to stand by leaning yourself on your sword and failing miserably. You didn't dare look up as you heard the loud footsteps of the metal giants coming your way. It was over, and you barely managed to accept it.

As you rested your forehead against the cold handle of your sword, you closed your eyes, tears starting to make their ways out of your closed eyelids. All you could feel was remorse.

A soft breeze moved your hair slightly and your chest felt like a black hole had taken place where your heart used to be, regretting to not have been able to meet him under the tree at Windrise one last time.

The breeze quickly grew stronger, until it felt unnatural and you looked up from the ground, only to close your eyes again immediately when you realized the wind was too powerful for you to keep them open. If you had struggled to see though, you would have been blinded by the white light that soon illuminated the whole ruins. You didn't have enough time to register the situation when you felt a hand being laid atop your shoulder, snaking around your collarbones and pulling you back into... nothing? Another arm circled your weak form and a voice you immediately recognized said

"I've dealt with things worse than you, now crumble."

You realized that if you couldn't feel a chest behind you while still being embraced by his arms, it was because he was floating above you, and not standing behind you. A look in his direction confirmed your suspicions but what stunned you wasn't the fact that he was flying, but the attire he wore. Barely covering his body, a white set made of materials that seemed like clouds and liquid gold contrasted perfectly with his regular green clothes. His hair was glowing green and his eyes that were focused on the ruin guards up ahead had a marvelous shine that you had never seen before. He had that same aura he did the night he freed Stanley, but there was also something different about the way his hands gripped you a little too tightly or the way his voice sounded.

"Venti.." You muttered his name, relief and affection flooding you all at once, in his presence you felt as if nothing bad could happen to you. How foolish could you be, just a few hours ago you were speculating wether or not he had wiped out an entire civilisation and now here you were, being saved by him and feeling safer than you had in months.

"Close your eyes, I don't want give you a headache" he said, slowly floating legs first towards the ground. His unusually serious voice surprised you (and him) but you did as he told you. Letting go of your sword and leaning back into him, you let him deal with the monsters ahead of you.

"It's okay, it's over now" he kneeled to be at your level, his arms still wrapped around you, and you didn't have the energy to fight your urge of nuzzling into him. "I'll always be here for you, wherever there is wind, remember I'm here too. You only need to ask."

Being protected by a god really didn't feel that bad. Especially when you were in love with said god.

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

Thank you so much for reading whatever this is until the end :’)

Don’t hesitate to comment or reblog, tysm <3

Ps: venti loves u and so do i do pls take care of urself mwah

[corysmiles]

Sup! I'm back from Barcelona! Hope you're doing well!

Remember that sbi rust prompt you gave me a month or 2 ago? It is done (not readproff tho so there may be some mistakes) anyway enjoy my grand return!

Edit: did you know 250 paragraphs is the limit lenght to an ask? On an unrelated note I will have to cut this into multiple parts so enjoy this first chapter!

-----

"Whaaat the-"

Wilbur took a step back, mouth agape and watched the figure inside of the dome. A human, identical in the looks, if not for the size of it.

When he went to explore the looming monument that rose from near his house, he expected food or scientific papers, perhaps some gas masks and equipment, not a... giant.

Weren't those things a myth?? Just a silly fictional creature to scare children away, not... not real and THERE, sleeping right in front of him??

The thing was curled up on himself, unable to fit in the 30ft wide sphere if going to its full lenght.

Wilbur was trapped in the walls of flesh.

And to his dismay, he was just in time to witness the creature wake up.

Lazily, they opened their eyes, squinting. They looked at their surroundings, the roof, the walls, the floor.

And the man was able to pinpoint the exact moment their eyes landed on him.

They gasped softly, almost mute. Their eyes widened, and they stood here, studying the punny intrudor for a too long moment. Only after, they spoke, barely above a whisper.

"Uhm... hello."

Wilbur expected the giant to speak, seeing how akin to a human he was, but he didn't expect such a young voice to be held by the.... boy?

"Hey." Wilbur waved, hand as shaking and hesitant as his voice.

"... What's your name?" They spoke.

Wilbur gulped, more on instinct. "Uuh, Wilbur. Who are you? What are you doing here?" He pointed.

They nodded in a hum before looking at the floor below, eyes a bit blurry.

"I...my name is Tommy. And uh... this is where I sleep."

The stare the human kept on the boy was intense, full of disbelief and curiosity. It was uncomfortable.

He shifted a bit. And Wilbur's eyes darted towards the small movements. Ah, right. Humans were hyperaware.

"It's been a while since I met someone around here."

"Yeah, I can imagine that... ever since the nuclear incident, it's been quite the task to find someone." Wilbur explained. What did this being knew exactly?

"Oh... I see." He lowered his head, before letting it rest on the floor, and holy shit he was even bigger than he thought.

He swallowed the lump back down his throat, and sat legs crossed.

The giant, which looked like a teenager now that he got to see his face up close, kept looking at him, expression almost bored.

Then, without much a warning, he lifted his hand and moved it towards the human, who instantly scrumbled away as fast as he could.

"wowowwoowowo- what-"

The hand froze, and when he looked at Tommy, the expression was sad, almost hurt.

Silence filled the room for a minute.

"Sorry" the giant apologized. "I must be quite scary, huh?"

Without much thinking, wilbur nodded. "Um, yeah"

"It's okay, I'm not gonna hurt you." He reassured, his voice pathetic. "Can I come closer?"

Wilbur looked at the hand, then at the teen. He took a deep breath before nodding, earning a pleased smile from the blond.

More careful, a hand thrice his size came to him, fingers slowly wrapping themselves around the human. He tensed, unwilling to move an inch despite his mind begging him to get out of here.

He closed his eyes in anticipation, but after a minute of stillness, he felt a rough pressure on his head, ruffling his hairs.

"Wha- what are you doing?" He asked, refusing to open his eyes yet.

Before he got an answer, the mass, which he recognized as a thumb, moved from playing with the hair to caress his skin as gently as possible.

With much hesitation, the human opened his eyes and met the face of the teen, who beared an expression of pure shock and wonder.

As the thumb rubbed against his cheek, he inhaled, shivered.

"You're so small... so fragile..."

His face was washed with a wave of sadness, while Wilbur drew his hand closer to the gun hidden in his jacket.

"How do you feel, wilbur? Do you feel fragile?" His voice was as sad as unreadable.

And at the moment, Wilbur did feel as powerless as a bug stuck in a web. A tall, wide web. Not that he would tell Tommy.

"... Is that a threat?" He asked instead.

"No, I'm just curious." A sort of melancholy couldn't leave the giant's face. "If I were to threaten someone, it would be because they acted like a bitch. You're not a bitch as far as I know."

The curse took Wilbur off guard, and he found himself giggling at the vocabulary. The blong smiled as well.

Then, the thumb moved from the face and slowly descended to cover his chest (entirely)

And....

It felt... like a hug?

How long has it been since Wilbur has been hugged.

The gesture was confusing.

"... why?" He voiced.

"I don't know. I know people like hugs. Makes them feel safe."

He eyed the fingers around him before focusing, wary, on the face.

"What are you planning to do to me?"

"Huh?!" He raised eyebrow and his hands left Wilbur's surrounding in a too quick motion, gesturing in defense. "Nothing!! I just want you to be comfortable. Been a while since I talked to anyone." Without the giant controling his volume, Wilbur had to cover his ear at the sudden booming sound.

He nodded nontheless, still unsure, and the silence drawn out.

"...why did you want to explore the dome?"

For some reason, the echoing voice was quite soothing to the human's ears, now that it was bearable. He took a few steps and put his hand on the part of the dome not blocked by an enormous mass. His finger carressed the copper walls until he was sat.

"I wanted to explore. I don't live very far, and this structure intrigued me. I expected to find some researches, not.... uh..."

Tommy smiled and understood the man without him having to finish. "Yeah. I'm not really something to be expected."

He nodded. "And you've been here for a while?"

"Not so much." The giant responded, "I usually travel from place to place trying to survive, pretty much like everyone else."

"I see..."

"I can try and look out for any paper or stuff if you want, so next time you come, I can hand them over."

Wilbur paused. The idea of returning to the giant made him frown, but the blond did seem to hold no grudges against him.

".... Maybe." He landed on.

And visibly, the teen was elated at the news, his grin growing to his ear and his hands joining in a clap. (As gentle as he could to not make the small man deaf.)

"Welp." He got up, before he got a sugar overdose from seeing that excitment. "I think I'm gonna head back."

"Do you want me to help you get back home?" The other proposed, enthusiast.

"No."

It was quiet for a moment, silence only disturbed by the giant shifting position. It was... unusual. But the enormous teen didn't seem hostile, and if Wilbur could get himself such an ally, he wouldn't take it down.

And so he returned home.

---

2 days later, he returned.

He was surprised as well, but curiosity guided his steps much more than his fears ever since the giant teen revealed himself a potential ally.

He inhaled deeply before climbing the stairs, his feet landing on the metalic ground.

The smile on the teenager's face when he turned around and met the tiny man was as heartwarming as nervewracking.

"YOU'RE BACK!!!" He cheered, and already the human had to cover his ears, the joyous scream deafening. He realized his mistake pretty soon though as he covered his mouth and mumbled, much quieter "Sorry. Hi Wilbur."

"Hello, Tommy." He replied, cautiously removing his hands from his ear. "How have you been?" He started. Usual politeness shouldn't be too awkward.

It took all the self control of the blond to keep his voice quiet enough when he said "I've been fine, thank you." The energy bubbling from him only made Wilbur chuckle.

"Good, good." Wilbur took a few steps towards the blond (or rather his face, since the teen was kind of all around the room) "You seem happy to see me."

Tommy nodded way too quickly and strongly as he confirmed. "Yep! I-" he pained keeping his voice low "-I wasn't sure if you'd really come back. I'm very very very glad you didn't lie. Especially since I have..... THIS!!"

He didn't even bother whispering as his hand came to view, previously hidden behind his back, and coming towards Wilbur in a fist at a racing pace. The brunette couldn't help but flinch back.

Tommy stopped mid-way, realizing his carelessness once more. He whispered an apology and the hand came, much slower this time. (Almost comically slow, but Wilbur wouldn't really complain)

Then, when only at about 6ft away from the man, the hand opened, revealing several piles of papers.

Wilbur's eyes widened. He looked at the blond, confused.

"You said you wanted to look for researches and stuff, sooo I tried finding some. And you were right! There are papers everywhere in here!"

Wilbur looked at the floor which he now realized was almost white from sheets, as well as the several seemingly blank pages stuck on the giant's body, and nodded, repressing a chuckle.

"Yep. Everywhere."

Tommy held back a laugh as well, and Wilbur tried visualizing how this.... god knows how tall being could try opening drawers with his nails barely thin enough to hold the handler, and reading papers the size of a pins on his hands, all while trying to manœuver his body so he wasn't blocking the rest of the building.

He would lie if he said the thought wasn't amusing.

He went for the paper, and without much thinking hopped onto the hand, since the papers were mostly at the center of his palm.

He grabbed a few and sat down, begining reading when he felt a shaky inhale. He looked up to meet the amused eyes of the blond.

"... Seat's comfortable?" He teased, as playful as baffled.

Wilbur frowned, then looked below him and his eyes widened as he registered. He shot straight up.

"Oh-oh oh I'm so sorry- I- I sincerely apologize I-"

He didn't get to finish his sentence as he covered his ears, a wheezed laugh echoing through the entire thing and sending Wilbur shaking from the vibrations.

He found himself laughing as well, barely able to keep up his balance as he stepped out of the hand, a good chunk of paper held between his chest and arms.

The laughs finally died down, the blond disforming his face with his hand trying hard to muffle the sounds. He looked back at the human with what could only be described as adoration. The hand left his face and he chuckled still as he talked.

"Ahh, don't worry about it. I expected you to just take the papers and go, but this? This was funny. Definitely the first time someone sits on my hand like that."

"I-... is it a bad thing?" Wilbur asked, taking slow steps backward while he kept a smile. The last thing he wanted was to upset a giant he was trapped with. Sure, the kid was nice, even though overwhelming, but a wrong gesture could change that first part pretty quickly.

"Nah, I don't mind. If the floor is too cold for your liking, you can sit here."

Wilbur sighed in relief and gave the blond a smile. "Alright. Thanks."

He still chose to sat on the floor, and started reading again. His intuition was right, there was tons of information in here.

He read in silence, only disturbed every once in a while when Tommy asked what was in the sheets. Wilbur explained as easily as possible and kept the details for himself. Tommy was satisfied with the answer he was given, though, so that wasn't a problem.

He was only a quarter through the first pile of paper when he felt something approaching. He froze when a mass, probably a finger, found itself on top of Wilbur's head.

There was a beat of silence when neither moved, and the finger ruffled ever so slightly his hair.

It was a bit awkward, but it wasn't uncomfortable, so he didn't protest.

A soft voice pierced through the silence.

"If I press on your head too hard or hurt you, warn me. You're small so I don't know how much pressure I can apply on you."

"Alright." Wilbur nodded. "You're doing fine right now, I'll tell you if that changes."

The rest of the reading was done with Tommy gently playing with Wilbur's hair or tapping his back in an attempt at a 'massage' (as Tommy called it). It was distracting, but not uncomfortable. At times, even soothing.

It was almost night when Wilbur read most of the first pile. He got up with the paper he read already and looked for an empty drawer.

Fortunately, since Tommy spent 2 days scrambling to get every possible paper out, it wasn't much of a challenge. Below Tommy's angled leg was a furniture. He went and deposited it.

"That should be good." He said as he closed it. He then turned around to meet the blond. "Well, I think it's time for me to go home. I'll be back soon though, this place is VERY interesting."

He forced himself not to fake a gag at Tommy's smile. Urg. So genuine.

"Yeaaayyy" the giant stage-whispered while clapping his hands as softly and quickly as possible. "It's nice having you around. Can I do anything to help you?"

Wilbur brought a hand to his chin and thought for a moment. "If you find an empty book, you can give it to me next time. I'll bring one myself though so you don't have to tear this place upside down to find one." That made Tommy chuckle.

And so, Wilbur returned home once more.

THIS IS SO GOOD MEL OMG!!!

Pls read this it’s amazing and so well done, I love the rust server and this is so good :D

[wodenscild]

Hello little agender creature that appears to be om the same boat as me! Haha yeah sexuality crisis boat ofcourse. So no crush but a squish. I honestly can't tell them apart so please teach me how.

Yes so i think I'm pansexual right but also demiromantic and maybe demisexual?? But also i think a lot of people i barely know look attractive?? But i dont like them?? Why must this be so confusing :< and also how many things can you be? Like ya got sexuality then also the ace-spectrum and also demi things and also polyglamerous i think and gender and gender-addons and I'm just more and more confused :-;

I just yell at my brain to shut up and turn music on so loud i cant hear my thoughts. It's easier than tryna figure this hella big pile of shit out, and maybe I'll get the courage to do it later. Not right now. Periods are the worst i don't want to do anything but eat chocolate and play videogames, lucky that it's weekend

-Mystery anon 1

The euphoria from being called an agender creature >.< oddly reassuring thank you <33 been having some dysphoria issues lately ToT but AAAAAA IDK THE DIFFERENCE ANYMORE EITHER I MIGHT BE ARO IDK- I hoping when I move to the new city I will meet a lot of people that I can explore things with so it will make things more clear-

Though I figured out that this particular instance is a squish but really intense because I am seeing her so soon & will be living with her the excitement sorta enhanced it- if I tried to ignore that I feel the same about her as I do with Fénix, Galaxy, & Birb <33 so I guess by comparing I think this is a squish :D

& sexuality wise- hhhhhh I don’t even know anymore?? Am I bi?? Am I ace?? Am I just dysphoric?? OH OMGS THAT REMINDS ME BELOVED ANONYMOUS :”D my roommate to be told me that there are a tonne of surgeons in her state, so went to an LGBT meet up today to see if she can’t put me down on a wait list to talk to someone about the possibility of getting a radical orchiectomy & penectomy which is just- SO COOL I HOPE SHE FOUND SOME LISTS FOR ME TO TALK WITH WHEN I GET THERE >.< I am really excited for this :]

But yeaaahhhhhh sexuality & romantic orientation is just complicated :// I could not sleep at all last night from my anxiety & trying to figure it out- funnily enough my gender (or lack there of lol) is what I feel most confident in- I have been confidently agender for- gods maybe 2-3 years? I had a year as transfem due to some disheartening stuff with how… gender nullification surgery is largely unavailable so I felt like the only way I could get rid of that stuff was with vaginoplasty & to make myself comfortable with that I tried to convince myself I was transfem but that- crashed & burned DKFKSKDKFKSKEKE

༼ つ ◕ ◡ ◕ ༽つ that is the best way to deal with questioning your identity ToT I rather just vibe & play games than figuring out what I am attracted to & what I want- also best of luck with the period mate!! I hope it won’t be too much of a pain (relatively & if at all possible)- OH & HAPPY WEEKEND <33

Much love,

Mesa

[ginkgomoon]

Shaw's Birth Chart- An Astrological Study

Late second birthday gift to Shaw. I haven't done any heavy analyses/studies in a while but I felt happy that I also completed some good solid Shaw content! Please enjoy. *Cries because it's finally done and before June is over.*

What is Astrology?

Astrology is the study of stars- the placements and movements of different celestial bodies to correlate what’s happening on Earth. It comes from the early Latin word astrologia.

There’s a rule that we live by-

As above so below

This means whatever happens within our solar system will ultimately affect us here on Earth. For example, the moon governs our emotions, and since our body is approximately 70% water, why wouldn’t the moon affect us too? But it’s not just us, it's the moon’s gravitational pull on the oceans, in the same sense, it’s also the moodiness you may feel during full moons!

There’s many aspects to Astrology, and that would normally be too much for a single post so I’ll be elaborating on the major contributions to one’s birth chart. This will include the planets and the signs.

There’s the inner planets, consisting of the Sun, Moon, Mercury, Mars and Venus, moving quickly within the chart. Then there’s the outer planets, Jupiter, Saturn, Neptune, Uranus and Pluto, the slower moving planets. And of course, the different signs of the zodiac with different personalities. They follow the order beginning with Aries, then Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius and finally Pisces.

Shaw's Placements

Sun ☉ The Sun represents our character, personal identity and ego. Your star sign is also known as your Sun sign. It is the “you”. The “Self”. It shows your creative force, confidence, focus and our will to live. It’s the driving force of our charts in many ways, like how it is centred in our solar system. It’s the part of us that is the “adult”, censoring the “inner child”, and overall provides information on our vitality, and what we came to do.

Shaw's Sun is in Gemini ♊︎ The air sign of Gemini is famous for their self-expression and communication. Geminis are witty, clever and flexible people. They can easily gain social contacts just as they can easily adapt in various situations and communicate through intellectual conversations. Geminis love to collect and share all sorts of information and are rather seen to be “geniuses”.

Although, they can be easily bored if they’re not getting enough mental stimulation. Geminis with their abilities to detach themselves make them excellent observers, but this can make them very difficult to be close to and be intimate with. People note them to be confusing and hard to understand, but this is because their mind is always active and switching from one topic to another (as they are represented by “the Twins”). Geminis enjoy seeing the “lighter” side of life, making them more fun and pleasing to be around. It’s guaranteed that there is never a dull moment when you’re with a Gemini!

Shaw holds a good representation as a Gemini. He always has a witty remark to say to MC, has a way with words, is shown by how he reacts to “fight or flight” situations, and stresses the usage of his favourite word, “bored”. Shaw, by having this placement of the Sun in Gemini also gives much strength to his Mercury (the planet of communication) which is also in Gemini (more on this later).

Shaw: “What do people usually do during dates?”

MC: “Uh, it’s usually eating, shopping and watching movies.”

Shaw: “That’s too boring, isn’t it? Since it’s a date with you, I’d like to get your feedback. What would you like to do?”

MC: “Nothing else.”

Shaw: “Then, what do you want to do?”

He thought for a couple of seconds and raised his eyebrows slowly, with a hint of glimmer of dark light in his eyes.

“You'll agree to anything that I do…?” -One Day Date

MC: “Why did you suddenly take an interest in reading?”

Shaw: “For the final exam.”

Despite his concentration, he flipped the pages with incredible speed- it seemed as if he didn't like what he read. -Summer Night Birthday Date

Shaw values all forms of communication and self-expression, whether it would be through music, writing, and teaching others about ancient relics. Additionally, it appears that he enjoys a range of hobbies, such as playing the bass, skateboarding and spray-painting, due to his interest in the wide variety of passions he developed. MC notices this on one of her earliest dates with him.

MC: “Hey, you seem to have a wide range of hobbies.” -One Day Date

Moon ☾ The Moon in our charts shows what your home is like, your upbringing, the relationship between your mother, the unconscious, your instincts and what you need. It tells us a lot about a person’s emotions, how they deal with it and how they express it to others.

Shaw's Moon is in Capricorn ♑︎ Productivity, work, and feeling useful and respected are the basic need for Lunar Caps. They like to keep their emotions in check, as they want to maintain being the cool-headed, practical and steady person of any group and in any project. Moon in Capricorn suggests that they have clear boundaries and realistic kinds of goals, looking for reassurance and security in what they do. They value and respect tradition and all things tangible and real. Moon Caps look forward to working towards their distant future goals, planning one step at a time. When feeling moody, their emotions will emphasise the pressure they had already put on themselves. Additionally, this is why letting their guard down to be comforted and to be reminded that they are not alone is very beneficial. Capricorns are unwilling to stand down, especially when it comes to emotionally “letting go”, hiding their sensitivity under a sarcastic manner. Wherever Capricorn is found in the chart, there is a desire for control, structure, and organisation. Emotions are well dealt with and handled in an efficient and practical manner.

There is a certain mysteriousness and sadness behind Shaw that can be subtly detected and yet to further explore deeply. This might have come from past trauma, possibly related to family relations. He has realistic expectations and justifications for his emotions, and when it comes to his goals, he will utilise these to help him slowly achieve them. Shaw is slowly letting his guard around MC, and gradually allowing him to love.

MC: “How can you draw so well?” I murmured quietly, envying his skills which require much talent.

Shaw: “Is it good? In a few months, it will fade into obscure and worthless trash."

He glanced at the wall with an undisguised contempt, as if it was not his own work that he was judging.

“It’s a failure.” He shook a spray can and started spraying it on the wall.

MC: “Wait! Why are you doing this?”

Shaw did not avert his eyes, and stood with his arms folded, refusing to give in.

Shaw: “But it's flawed now.” -One-Day Date

After a few seconds of silence, he frowned and put everything in his arms back on the table except for a can of coke. “Don’t act like you know me so well.” -Exciting Moments Date

Perhaps it was because I didn't believe that Shaw would appear so calm or so still, or because I wanted to explore why he looked so focused, I also looked at him in silence.

Shaw: “You really like to immerse yourself in your past.”

MC: “Find strength through the memories, then grow and become stronger.” I suddenly recalled a line from a TV series, and read it out.

A flicker of doubt flashed through his eyes, and eventually condensed into a dismissive look.

Shaw: “Who told you that we can only become stronger with memories?”

MC: “Why are you so dismissive?”

Speaking of which, what made Shaw so strong if it’s not finding strength from his “memory” or “past”?

Shaw: Why are you telling me this? Reminiscing every day means you’re getting old.”

-

Rain started to shower from the gloomy sky. I looked up, and found that the dark clouds were only above this small area of filming location. It was actually very sunny over at the antique market.

Fortunately, the rain was not heavy, and was even getting lighter as he predicted. He pulled at his hair, shaking off the scattering beads of rain. Such serenity did not match my impression of him, yet it was unexpectedly harmonious and natural.

MC: “Are you the rain god? Why does it always rain when I'm out with you?”

Shaw: “It’s because I can control the weather.”

At this point, the rain, which had stopped just a short while, suddenly fell again, but more densely. The smirk on his face was not gone yet. The rain seemed to be getting heavier. I felt more saddened as he spoke, yet Shaw just laughed. -Seeking Date

As a Capricorn Moon, his value and respect for tradition, and in all things tangible is very much obvious, and is highlighted with his display of knowledge about historic relics in Loveland’s museum shown in various dates, being the only student in the Department of Archeology of in Loveland University, as well in this scene from Season 2 that I couldn’t bear to leave out.

Mercury ☿ Mercury is the communication planet. When you write, speak, absorb information and how rational we are, you’re using your Mercury. It refines our Sun sign and helps define how we take in and give out information. It also talks about short distance travelling, governing your thirst for knowledge, your wit and negotiating skills. If someone is an excellent talker, it’s thanks to their Mercury placements.

Shaw's Mercury in Gemini ♊︎ Since Mercury is already ruled by Gemini, which makes it a favourable placement for quick-witted communication. Gemini Mercury placements may come across as being scattered and restless, but this is because of their different interests, seemingly knowing a little bit about everything. They easily gain knowledge where all sorts of facts and figures are up their alley, however generally have too many interests to deeply delve all into one. They can thrive in a stimulating environment as they are fast adapters who effortlessly learn and multitask at lightning speed.

This overlaps with Shaw’s Gemini Sun Placement. He may confuse MC sometimes with his personality and wit, but it’s nice to see MC adapt to it as well, because they have a lot to learn and grow from each other. He encourages MC to live life more boldly, while she teaches him to take things slower and be more aware of how his emotions and thoughts should work in harmony under special circumstances.

“He has no problem with the noise from rehearsals, and yet he can't stop criticising me for being noisy. He gets easily bored by things and yet he never gets tired on aimless strolls. Moreover, he always disagrees with me…” -Exciting Moment Date

MC: “Are you doing something illegal?”

Shaw: “What do you think?” Shaw looked at me playfully, and I could not help taking a step back vigilantly.

MC: “I'm a good law-abiding citizen and I won't be your accomplice!”

Shaw: “That's not up to you.”

-

MC: “Oh no! What should we do, what if we get caught!”

Shaw: “Nothing. Having a date at the police station should be a good experience.” -One-Day Date

Additionally, those reoccurring moments when he says that he had changed his mind also stems from the “twinning” aspect of Gemini in his thought process.

Shaw: “Give the cake and forks to me.”

MC: “Didn’t you say you didn’t want it?”

Shaw: “I changed my mind.” -Exciting Moments Date

Venus ♀︎ The planet Venus is ultimately the planet of love, beauty, wealth, our material things and what we do with all that sort of jazz. It’s the pleasures, our sentiments, what we do for leisure and what we value. Grace, charm, creativity, and entertainment are ruled by Venus. We can use this planet to see how we approach relationships of the heart, investigate our ability to attract and the attraction to others (or things).

Shaw's Venus is in Cancer ♋︎ These kinds of people are quite sensitive and insecure when it comes to love, with egos perhaps said to be a little bit undeveloped but have so much love, comfort, security, and care to offer. These aspects are emphasised for Cancers, who pay more attention to your feelings rather than said words. All they want is a safe, solid and secure relationship. They can be moody when it comes to love, though they are not afraid of emotional confrontations and to put their emotions on display when feeling it’s safe.

But once they are hurt, they will have a hard time forgiving. Pleasing them will involve a lot of sentimentality, as recognising their influences and attachments are from the family and home. When fearful of being rejected, they can resort to some frustrating tactics to find out how loved they are. Venus Cancers will want to be cared for, and in return their partner will be rewarded with a loving, dependable and patient lover.

Shaw puts up a front with his teasing and seemingly lack of interest to attend events with MC, though we can tell that he’s a very thoughtful and intuitive lover. Once he has allowed himself to internally address his feelings, he will use straightforward methods in how he communicates it to MC, again, strengthened by his Gemini placements. Additionally, Cancers will cling onto something or someone that is of value to them, because it evokes memories and emotions. In the same sense, if there is someone that Shaw has his eye on, he will inch closer to them, and will be unwilling to give them up once he has them.

I tried to reach out and pull him down while watching out for him, but he just took me by surprise and grabbed my hand instead. I quickly pressed down my skirt with the other hand. Probably realising something, his amber eyes widened slightly, then let go of me, with a low “tsk”. -Seeking Date

Shaw: “Why can’t you let that go?”

MC: Because I'm sick of you treating me like this. One time, you waited for me to get to the Live House to tell me that there was a change in venue, and there was also this one time when you- achoo!”

I pulled my jacket tighter around myself. Suddenly there was a rustle above my head and I found myself covered in a warm coat. Shaw stood up without a word as if he didn't hear me. Clad in a white shirt, he looked at once familiar and strange from behind.

Then I noticed his hand in the pocket. I was expecting him to conjure something for me like he did last time with the Dragonfly Eye. Before I could react, Shaw suddenly grabbed me by hand. With no gloves on, he tightly wrapped his slender fingers around my palm. I felt an unexpectedly soft and warm sensation.

MC: “Let go of me!”

Shaw: “No, I don’t want to.”

-

Shaw: “You've been asking questions about me all day. Do you really want to get to know me? Bring your ear closer. I can tell you all about myself.”

-Exciting Moments Date

His hand flew past my face and landed on the back of my head. With a slight jerk, he pulled me toward him. Our foreheads were then pressed together, and I felt the warmth of his forehead resting on mine, my breath on my skin, his unintentional touch, and his body pressed against mine. -Summer Night Birthday Date

“Do you like me? Yes or no?” -Unanswered Phone Call

Mars ♂︎ Mars is the go-getter planet. Full of fire and passion, nothing would be done without it. It can give insights on how we can chase our goals and what our desires and our plans of attack are. Aggressive behaviour, lust and anger fall under this planet.

Shaw's Mars is in Libra ♎︎ Mars Libras often reflect about the things they do before they act, needing to weigh out all the decisions first. They also can get easily caught up in defending themselves and others, as well as charming others to win others’ favour if needed. They wish to not be disturbed in their life or how they “operate”, going about with the desire to balance everything, with almost having a seemingly passive-aggressive approach to situations. Mars Libras know when to compromise and manage conflict, as well as predicting problems and discord well in advance. Libras will question themselves on how they can make the playing field more fair, intervening when necessary and when things aren’t. Shaw demonstrates this during his bus stop intervention when he first meets MC, on his dates with her, as well as his confrontation with Gavin.

“Don’t hesitate if you have already thought it through.”

-

MC: “What’s the matter?”

Shaw shrugged, lifted the corner of his lip, and looked at me, saying this firmly word by word.

Shaw: “Don’t forget that this is our punishment. Be a good loser.” -One-Day Date

“What are you laughing at? Stop it.” he reached out his hand, trying to mess up my hair. I quickly dodged backward and started laughing harder.

“Hey.”

A stunned look flashed Shaw’s eyes. Before he finished his sentence, I slipped and fell heavily backwards. He looked at me before a hint of schadenfreude appeared in his eyes. Then he said in a raised tone, “that's what you get for laughing too hard.”

He then sat down with me. I turned to him in confusion.

MC: “Why did you sit down when you’re supposed to help me up?”

Shaw: “Because I wanted to.” -Exciting Moments Date

Brutal gales whipped up gravel and rocked trees. A bolt of lightning split the sly, illuminating the two people locked in a standoff.

Gavin’s face was completely devoid of its former calm, and in its place was wrath. The man opposite Gavin squinted his eyes ever so slightly. He went wild with laughter, and an arrogant expression swept back over his face.

Shaw: “Well, we’re finally starting to get serious. It’s about time.”

Gavin: “I warned you! She’s off-limits.”

Shaw: “Are you threatening me?”

Gavin: “You aren’t worthy.”

The man lifted his eyebrow and slowed his speech purposefully.

Shaw: “Anyway, my objective has been reached. I don’t mind toying with you. But I don't know how long this girl you’re obsessed with has long to live...”

The two fought with increasing ferocity. The man was slowly losing ground. Then, the sky roared, and a white flame connected heaven and earth. The man was gone without a trace. -Chapter 11-24

Jupiter ♃ Jupiter is the largest planet, a gas giant, known to expand as the “benefactor” of our solar system. Everything it touches is basically blessed. It’s the good luck, confidence, joy, freedom and adventure that it gives to one’s being that it’s so well known for. Jupiter is where you seize your opportunities, take a leap of faith and count your blessings.

Shaw’s Jupiter is in Aquarius ♒︎ Shaw attracts the most good fortune when he’s tolerant and fair, cooperative and inventive, being different from society’s norms and standards. He values technology, people and personal freedom the most, desiring to display his unique skills and talents. He is open to new methods and eccentric ways to progress. We see this as he’s willing to share his knowledge with others, shown in the CN Creative Date and Summer Solstice Date, and when Shaw offers a hand to help MC by making her alias “Mary Sue” to help her successfully break into STF in later chapters. He also shows her the electricity firework he makes with his Evol, which fascinates MC enough for her to reach out and touch it.

I looked at Shaw's on the other side of the wall. The flaunting design was imposing, as if it was about to jump out at me the next second. Then I looked at my grinning rabbit, which seemed to be the clumsy work of a child.

-

In the gold and purple pattern, “SHAW” could be faintly recognised while a grinning rabbit stood at the top of the world. They actually seemed… quite in harmony? -One-Day Date

MC: “Is that the same MP4 player you had on the bus?”

Shaw: “Yes, someone gifted it to me a long time ago.” Emboldened by his straightforwardness, I couldn't help but move slower. -Exciting Moments Date

Floating on his palm was a sizzling firework giving off dazzling sparks. I was stunned by the sight. I couldn’t believe that Evol could do that. I reached out to touch it, but Shaw stopped me.

“Are you out of your mind? It’s charged with electricity.” -Summer Night Birthday Date

Saturn ♄ Saturn is the planet of karma, restrictions, life lessons, hard facts and the challenges in life. It governs structure, our fears, work and self-discipline. Saturn is cold and calculating, however once the challenges and lessons Saturn have been mastered, great wisdom with great rewards can be obtained.

Shaw's Saturn is in Aries ♈︎ Aries Saturns are highly resourceful coming up with fresh ideas for our goals. They don’t like showing weakness and need to be careful when limiting themselves due to fear of failure or making a poor decision. They’re very self- reliant because they rarely ask for help. They need to be shown that not “being first” is okay.

It’s proven that Shaw has a competitive side to him, seen in the CN Summer Solstice Date and his Rumours and Secrets, where Shaw refuses to give up and ends up doing dolphin flips on his skateboard in a match against a senior and wins after his first loss. In Accompanying Date, he acknowledges his embarrassing moments when he got caught skipping class, then reflects on them. We also see this as he flees his battle with Gavin when he almost loses.

Shaw: "I just remember winning. Don’t people at ten years old want to get swept away, win against everyone, and leave them far behind?" -CN Summer Solstice Date

Shaw: "The fence of the school was disagreed with by the elementary students. Back then, my skills weren’t refined yet. I got discovered by a teacher when I fell from it." While reminiscing, Shaw pouts unhappily. -CN Accompanying Date

The two fought with increasing ferocity. The man was slowly losing ground. Then, the sky roared, and a white flame connected heaven and earth. The man was gone without a trace. -Chapter 11-24

Uranus ♅ Wherever Uranus is in the chart, it’s where we want to break free, where we want to do things our own way, when you don’t care what everyone else is doing or thinking about. It’s where we express our ideals on freedom, innovation and experience great epiphanies. We strive for independence with the influence of the Uranus character. As a result, we learn to rebel, break traditions and authority. It shakes things up from our past and into the modern future. It is often associated with unpredictability, chaos and anarchy.

Shaw's Uranus is in Aquarius ♒︎ These people are interested in innovating, changing and updating traditions related to technology, community and individuality. They see freedom through or in these areas, and are ready to rebel if needed. Aquarius Uranus people are open to new ideas and free thought.

Shaw is no stranger to the concept of rebellion. He sneaks into places he shouldn’t be in, spray-paints graffiti, and helps MC access top-secret information in STF. His comments on history further outlines the unique outlook that he challenges with traditional views.

I looked around nervously, remembering that last time, we were chased by city police for street graffiti.

Shaw: “Don’t you want to come? Hurry up.”

MC: “Do you just do anything you like? Do you abide by no rules?” -One-Day Date

Shaw: “What do you think history is?” Student: Those historical relics you told us about just then!”

- Student: “If everything is history, how does one learn it?” Shaw: “There’s no need for an intention. It’s everywhere.” -CN Summer Solstice Date

Neptune ♆ Neptune is the inspirational planet of dreams, inspirations, soulmates, enlightenment and sacrifice. It’s all about connection with the universe and the world around you, however can have the polar effect of deception and illusion, along with disappearances of sorts. It can also govern your music tastes and influence on how you can inspire others.

Shaw’s Neptune is in Capricorn ♑︎ With this placement, his idealistic world will be based around realism, morality, and responsibility. He has to believe in the ground foundations of realisability of his dreams- enough so that it usually has a realistic thread about them. General optimism and faith will be lacking if he’s not doing something that he is passionate about and finds inspiration in. However, he has the capacity to change his practical dreams into reality the most. His influences and contributions come from his connection with Dark/MC, again with Mars in Libra, and is seen as a guide and spectator, though less passive than a Time Observer. It’s also clear that Shaw cares a lot for his music and his band. He even recognises a plagiarised song in one of his Rumours and Secrets.

“Playing with the band is just a hobby, so Shaw rarely creates something from scratch. He must have hidden things he wanted to say in his music, but never mentioned it to anyone.” -Summer Night birthday Date

Shaw: "No wonder these people didn’t realise it, they copied an unpopular song from the 80s. You should also improve your musical literacy so you wouldn’t be confused by these things." -CN Glacier Navigation Rumours and Secrets

My phone started buzzing in my outer coat pocket. I took it out and saw an unfamiliar number. A few moments of hesitation, I answered it. An unfamiliar voice came from the other end.

“Long time, no see. I’m sure you’re trying to guess who I am right now.” There was something in his voice that gave me a sense of déjà vu.

MC: “May I ask, what this is about?”

“I can’t just call you for no reason? Everyone has already forgotten you. You are officially someone who shouldn’t exist in this world.

MC: “Impossible! Just who are you, anyway?”

“Go see for yourself. For instance, at the place where it all started.” -Chapter 19-1

Outside the floor to ceiling window, a tall man with light purple hair was looking at me in the eye, an unmistakable smile on his lips. Who is this person? He waved at me and strove in the diner.

“Oh, here you are.” He greeted me with such familiarity, a few loose strands of hair fell over his forehead, softening his sharp eyes. His actions were swift and sure, giving me no time to interrupt. His face seemed so familiar but I can’t remember where I’ve seen it before.

MC: “Who are you?”

Hearing this, the young man’s brow raised, and the look of amusement flashed over his eyes.

“You don’t remember? You bumped my skateboard.”

MC: “Oh! We met on the bus. But how is it that you remember me?”

He didn’t answer me straight away. He just observed my expression with great interest, seemingly enjoying watching my reaction.

“I’m the one who called you. It’s me. The dream world has no effect on me.”

Pluto ♇ Pluto is the Lord of the Underworld, and is not to be messed around with. It’s responsible for great destructible transformations and corresponds to the life, death and rebirth cycle. It’s the detoxing planet, for you to awaken and be reborn. It shows us where we can change the world, alongside right where we can go into the abyss of the cunning and controlling energies of Pluto. Its powers can be ever so subtle, however it can have the forces to trash you with the realisations of what you need to let go in order to transform. Think of it as the “healing crisis” moments that you can thank Pluto for.

Shaw's Pluto is in Sagittarius ♐︎ They take beliefs and philosophy of life very seriously, more than most. They believe deeply in personal freedom and expression, questioning ideologies in place. They often watch for a tendency to move from one project to another, perhaps due to inhuman expectations. They are motivated and driven by the vision of a better world, therefore their faith in humanity is strong.

Shaw helps MC multiple times when she is in need, additionally supporting her beliefs and vision to save the world and everyone in it, like when she first entered the Winter World and helped her rescue the kidnapped children against her battle with Leto in the Chapter 34. He even gives her his necklace- the Dragonfly Eye in the end of Season 1 and wishes her well once they meet again.

Shaw: “Oh yeah, the other you is really funny. Today, she saved someone on the street. Did you use to do stuff like that too?”

Dark MC: “I’m not like her. I don’t do meaningless things like that. Stick to the plan.”

Shaw: “Oh? I’d thought you’d like this scene. What are you planning to do, anyway?”

Dark MC: “Why of course, I’m going to accept my place as QUEEN.” -Behind the Curtain Chapter 5

MC: “Shaw, what are you doing here? Where’s Leto?”

Another thunder flashes, Shaw’s face was reflected clearly and I saw him lift his eyebrow slightly.

Shaw: “You are so slow. Did you bring the notebook? Keep it and give it to me later.”

MC: “You haven’t answered why you are here.”

Shaw: “And I thought you were starting to get smarter. None of us can stay out of it now. If I don’t intervene, this world is finished.”

I would love to see more about Shaw’s background character and his upbringing as to why he had appeared a bit defensive in some dates. Poor Shaw :( Hopefully this study allowed you all to gain a deeper understanding of Shaw and his character, and to why he’s important in the main storyline and other events alike.

[heyjude19-writing]

Hello! I hope you have an amazing week ahead! I'm loving ASDD and even though we don't celebrate Halloween where I'm from I'm still getting all the spooky vibes from the fic and have tonnes of theory. So you've successfully conquered a new genre of writing.

I was going through some of my favourite chapters in RN and BCAB this weekend and I have noticed that you include Lucius only as a third person or give him a very small role and I was wondering if there is a reason behind it? Do you not like him in canon much (I can't blame you)? I would actually love to see a Lucius characterisation by you if you're comfortable writing him.

Also, the hotness coming from your collaborative Kinktober drabbles are the best end of my day! So thank you and all other writers for that.

Hello anon!

I hope you have a fab week too! First, thank you for your ASDD love! My little turn to horror has been a good time, I’m glad you like it so far :)

And lol kinktober is some of the most fun I’ve had with just tossing out some filthy ficlets with niffizzle and mightbewriting. We’re happy to see so many people enjoy them for how ridiculous they are 🤭😂

Ok and now to your question! Ooh anon i love this. I like to joke that you’ll only ever see Lucius dead or in jail in my fics. And it is for the reason you said, I don’t particularly care for him much in canon, he’s quite one-dimensional to me: a wealthy bigot and henchman that screws up more often than not (omg he lost a horcrux and the prophecy, like yikes my man.) I often refer to him as the Messiest Malfoy because he really does not have his shit together. His motivations (to me) are quite simple and not enticing enough for me to want to expand upon. I’d much rather explore how his presence or absence post-war would affect Draco (and Narcissa). The Malfoy family dynamics fascinate me, despite my opinion of Lucius. Draco’s canon characterization is so tied up in how he relates to his father and his identity as a Malfoy, so even though I don’t technically write Lucius, I do feel he is a big part of my stories in the way Draco has to deal with those issues. While I’d probably never write anything from his POV, I wouldn’t say no to Lucius playing a bigger role in a future fic if I felt the story warranted it.

Thanks for reading my stuff anon!

[poursomesunaonme]

Hi beanie!! Congrats on this amazing milestone :) I love your works, and this event is so creative!!

So here are my signs:

🌞 - Taurus

🌙 - Scorpio

💫 - Scorpio

My preferred character: Kento Nanami 🖤

I'm not sure what to ask, but maybe something about whether I'm compatible with someone like him? Maybe another question could be when the heck the love of my life is gonna show up 🥲 Feel free to add on anything you want to this!

Could we pick from the Ethereal Visions deck? Those cards look so pretty :o

Thank you so much, and congrats again!!

- mal

🔮 four of pentacles (reversed): the pentacles suit represents the physical aspects of our lives. the four represents stability and security, meanwhile, the reverse is interpreted as greed or mistrust.

🔮 king of pentacles (reversed): the king means power or strength; the reverse dips into the idea of instability or suppression.

🔮 four of wands: the wands suit delves into our identities and emotional cores. the four presents union and celebration.

sweet mal,

i’m so happy that you stopped in! thank you so much for your submission:) and lookie there, we have the same sign and ascendant signs how neat! no wonder this reading was easy to understand for me hehe

i’ll start off with a basic summary of what i got from the cards (i’m so happy you picked this deck, she really is the best). first off, don’t be worried by the reversals; i like to think of them merely as little caution signs and guides to the virtue that is found (usually) with the upright. now that that’s out of the way: the four of pentacles. in the image, a woman is balancing perfectly on the pentacles and is comfortable enough to be snuggling with the rest. so this leaves the takeaway of stability and security. something that would thwart those senses (hence the reversal), would be greed or mistrust; just think, if she were to try to reach for something out of avarice, it would throw off her balance. the king of pentacles represents power and strength; so the reversal would hearken a sense of instability or suppression. i’d like to stop and draw your attention quickly to the warnings between the upright four of pentacles and reversed king of pentacles: they both have control as a meaning, but these similarities are meant as a caution to know the boundary between a lax control or a control freak. and finally, the four of wands. the wands explore our character and our deepest self! the four means union and celebration.

so in summary, there are a few main points that i would like to make. first being that the pentacles correspond to earth signs, so please take that advice about knowing the boundary of control to heart (being a taurus myself, i understand that it’s extremely difficult). but i think that setting an expectation on marrying a certain type of person might be damaging to future relationships. i think that’s the sense that the pentacle cards were trying to convey in this reading, that it’s super important to maintain a healthy balance of tame expectations and a sense of trust in the universe. so that being said, once someone comes along, you’ll have the clear headspace to make wise decisions!

however, with nanami, you two are absolutely compatible; so if you ever find a cancer or other water sign person, hop on! as for when that type of person will saunter on into your life, i can’t tell you, sweets. but i will say that patience is a virtue and the universe is a very mysterious place:)

i hope that this provided some insight, babes! thank you so much again for your submission!<3