#I'm gonna cry holy crap

[milliemakesmagic]

So, I have such a huge urge to talk about this. Trigger warning: unhealthy online relationships, and mentions of sexual harassment.

In 2020 during the height of quarantine, my friend (and Pinterest lol) introduced me to this film called, "Red Shoes and the Seven Dwarfs." I was immediately interested because it was the first time I saw myself as an animated character. I'm a pale, brunette, with brown eyes and a slim figure. (Yes I know, basic, and most girls in fiction look like that, but I actually DO look incredibly similar to how they animated her.) I grew extremely attached to the gifs and pictures I'd find of Red Shoes because

OH MY WORD IT'S ME BUT ANIMATED

It's quarantine. What else am I gonna do.

When I finally saw the movie I absolutely loved the quirky retelling of Snow White, with the absolutely STELLAR women of all sizes empowerment, AND THE KID FRIENDLY WAY OF SAYING DON'T OBJECTIFY WOMEN. 👏👏👏👏👏

But around that same time, I was talking to a boy online who eventually became my online boyfriend. And even though he claimed to be Christian and respectful, he had a LOT of issues with objectifying women...and by extension, me. He claimed to be respectful of boundaries. But he wasn't. My rose colored glasses were so thick that I didn't see it all until after I had loved ones step in to separate me from this guy before things became dangerous. But I truly thought he was the Merlin to my Red Shoes. And in a way, he was. Merlin is a difficult character for me. I LOVE his character arch and charm. But I sometimes can't get over just how much he did for Red Shoes only for her looks. There was a lot that my relationship with this guy. I was stuck with a Merlin that wasn't going to change his ways. His eyes would always stray to prettier things.

After the hellish breakup, I started therapy, and developed a lot of unhealthy coping strategies. When you fall in love during the "end of the world" you kind of assume he's all you have. So when I lost that and then realized that he'd been sexually harassing me and I was too smitten to notice, it was a LOT to take in. "If I'd given up their magic you wouldn't have helped me find my father would you?....Would you? I thought we were both under the same spell. But now I see that, I was wrong."

My ex used to refer to me as Red Shoes, he understood how much I loved that I felt like I was her. And when he and I split, the pain that movie gave me was unbearable. My Merlin never loved me for who I was inside. I was only pretty.

I even had sent him photos of my in my Red Shoes cosplay that I did for my birthday. I was so excited to show him. Next thing I knew he was blocked, and my costume, my own pair of red shoes, were boxed into the closet where they couldn't hurt me anymore.

And I thought that was the end. I wasn't the princess Snow White. I was some twisted version of Red Shoes that got a crappy ending and a pervert for my "prince."

I dated one or two people a few years later. But it was all surface dating. Nothing emotionally invested. And then my friend introduced me to this guy. And you want to know what one of the first things we did together was?

We sat down together and watched Red Shoes and the Seven Dwarfs. And he held my hand, and squeezed it when he could tell I was getting emotional.

Months later I have a ring on my finger to be his. And tonight as I laid here listening to the Red Shoes soundtrack that no longer hurts like hell, I realized that my love and connection for this movie wasn't ever between me and my online abuser. It was meant to be a stepping stone for me and my now fiancé. That boy wasn't my Merlin. This man, who respects me, loves me, encourages me and builds me up to be all that I can be, HE'S my Merlin, my prince.

We agreed that I'd wear red pumps on our wedding day. To me, it's a reminder of how far I've come and that God never gave up on me.

And with a loving, secure, and healing heart I can finally truly say,

"I got Merlin'd."

[starr-n-art]

Nolia for @ydteus I did a while back

[seriousturd]

BMB Chapter 373 Moodboard

Spoilers under the cut:

How I'm gonna be looking like anytime I remember this section

[jeonqkooks]

our beloved summer | jjk (7.5) (m.)

You made a vow to hate Jeon Jungkook ever since he packed up and left you without a single explanation, but when he shows up at your door after years of radio silence, it turns out that maybe your resolve isn’t as strong as you thought.

pairing: producer!jungkook x songwriter!reader rating: 18+ (minors dni) genres/warnings: exes au, fluff, Angst, smut; THE REASON™️, crying because obviously there's gonna be crying, mentions of hobi leaving :(, cursing, uhm she hits him; kissing (well, of course 😂), br*ast play, t*tty s*cking, oral s*x (f. receiving), f*ngering, unprotected s*x, r*ding, cr*ampie, uhm idk i think that's it word count: 6.9k (poetic, i know) note (1): holy fucking shit i am literally shaking like a chihuahua as i'm writing this a/n. what the hell it's finally here. we've been waiting for this for almost a year and a half. TREMENDOUS thanks to Jo @daechwitatamic, Ari @/wintaerbaer (edited 2024: crossed out but not removed bc even tho she plagiarized obs afterward, she did beta this for me so i guess i still gotta give her that lmfao), and Jazz @jeonwiixard for beta-ing this for me and for reassuring me that it's not a load of crap (probably) and especially Jo for telling me if i back out she'll come kick me. frick! gaaaah. okay i'm gonna let you read or i'll go out of my mind

series masterpost / playlist ; moodboards ; taglist

as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡

I want you to smile, to feel like enough 'Cause you deserve yellow and lions and love I hope you come back when you're doing well Forgive me for being the worst of myself

New Recording 28 - Chelsea Cutler

The second the door is closed, his mouth is on yours again. 

His hand on your waist, yours in his hair, it’s similar to how it was mere minutes ago, just the urgency has increased tenfold. You want his suit off as much as you want your dress on the floor.

Jungkook detaches from your lips to let you breathe as he cages you between his body and the door, but it’s not like you can focus very well on breathing when he starts kissing down your neck, sucking bruises into your skin. His hands travel south, one palm curving around your hips to grope your ass, the other settling on the back of your thigh to lift it up, opening your legs wider so he could better slot in between them. With your leg lifted, it makes the slit in your dress ride up, exposing your core to the cool air of the room. You can feel his growing bulge pressed against you, right over your panties. 

You whimper his name when he sucks on the sweet spot on your neck, his hips grinding against you slowly.

“Yeah?” You can hear the smirk in that one simple word and the honey that drips from his voice. “What is it?”

“Want you…”

“I’m right here,” Jungkook says. His slender fingers rub you over the pink lace that you’re wearing underneath your dress, teasing your opening through the fabric for a few beats before he pushes your panties aside. “Fuck, you’re so wet.”

His breath is hot on your neck. He presses his lips against your skin absentmindedly, the tip of his index circling you but not pushing inside just yet.

“Tell me you want me too,” you pant, your arm hooking around his neck to hold him close.

“I want you.”

Truth.

You pull him in for another bruising kiss before you blindly push him further into the room, your hands roaming the broad expanse of his clothed chest. He stops when the back of his knees hit the bed.

“Hey.” Jungkook breaks away from the kiss to look at you. “Are you sure?”

If Jimin knew what you’re doing right now, he’d say that you have zero self preservation instincts.

He’d be right, though. If you had any self preservation instincts, you wouldn’t be doing this.

Your stupid, battered heart has only ever wanted him.

“I’m sure,” comes your immediate reply. It’s desperate, but you don’t have it in yourself to even care. “I’m sure. I want this. Please.”

“You were drinking.”

“I’m not drunk. I promise.”

Maybe it’d be better if you were drunk. Then you could at least blame this lapse of judgment on a pathetic state of inebriation and not on your stupid self who’s always weak for him.

He stares at you for a minute, searching for any sign of your willingness being driven by alcohol. He seems relieved when he finds none, and it isn’t until then that he shrugs off his jacket, before helping you take off his dress shirt and trousers.

You haven’t seen him like this in so long.

Every defined line on his body, accentuating every detail that you could spend hours running your fingers over.

He looks different but at the same time, not really. A tad more muscular, but still the same lean frame. Hard chest and abs on full display for you. God, your fingers are fucking twitching with the need to touch him.

Once he’s been stripped down to his boxers, he leans down to kiss you before you stop him with a hand on his chest. The lone tiger lily on his arm catches your attention.

Your fingers reach out to trace the black ink on his body, the lines delicate, your touch feather light. You’re suddenly curious. When did he get it? You can’t remember if you two ever talked about getting tattoos.

“What does it mean?” you ask. It strikes you with the realization that this is just one of the thousands of things that you missed, a reminder of your lost time. 

“Please love me,” he says, bringing his hands up to cup your face. He looks at you, just for a few seconds, before clarifying, “It means ‘Please love me,’” then kissing you again.

Jungkook clumsily and blindly searches for the dress’ zipper on your back, giving it a few impatient tugs until it finally starts gliding down your body. Your lips never part from one another as the dress falls to the floor, pooling at your feet. But once you step out of it, he does pull back to look at you from head to toe. His eyes fall to your chest, clad in a lacy pink bra that matches your panties. The look he gives you is the same one that he did when he saw you in your dress earlier today. But there’s something else in his eyes - realization, pride, perhaps a question too.

His hands are back on your body instantly, throwing you onto the bed, crawling over you like a predator. He discards your bra with ease, flinging it to the floor with the rest of your clothes. You shiver when the chilly air meets your bare chest, but the sensation quickly goes away when he takes your breast into his warm mouth. You let out a delighted sigh, arching your back to push yourself further into him as his tongue flicks over your stiff nipple. One of his hands comes up to squeeze your other breast to make sure that it isn’t neglected, rolling your pebbled bud between his thumb and forefinger. He switches to sucking your other tit after a while, then pawing at the one he just had in his mouth.

“Jungkook,” you whine his name when he makes out with your tits for too long, because there’s somewhere else that desperately requires his immediate attention. “Need you…”

He releases your nipple with a wet pop, and he looks pleased with himself when he sees that they’re thoroughly glistening with his spit. “Sorry,” he says with a chuckle. “Didn’t mean to keep you waiting.” He starts making his way down your body, kissing every inch of your skin that’s on display for him, before you put a hand on his shoulder when his face gets close to your thighs.

“What are you doing?”

He looks up at you as his fingers ghost over the fabric of your panties. “Can I?”

You lick your lips, contemplating whether or not you have the patience to wait for him. But alas, you decide, “Okay.”

Jungkook makes quick work of sliding your underwear down your legs and letting it join the pile on the floor. Even in the dim light, he can see just how wet you are, practically glittering with arousal, looking so utterly inviting that it makes his mouth water. All of this, just for him.

He doesn’t waste another second, diving right into you to lick a stripe up your dripping folds. Swiftly burying two fingers into your heat, he doesn’t stop until he’s knuckles deep. Your lips part in a silent but delighted moan. You forgot how good he used to make you feel. Your fingers could never feel as good as his, not thick enough to stretch yourself open and not long enough to reach deep inside of you.

“Fuck,” you drawl, your eyes fluttering shut when the tip of his tongue meets your throbbing clit, teasing it until you’re practically grinding against his face. You thread a hand into his hair, gripping his dark locks until he’s groaning, sending blissful vibrations all throughout your body. The figure 8’s that his tongue draws on your clit sets you alight, sends you into a whole other dimension completely as pleasure courses through your veins. 

“So good,” he mumbles. To you? To himself? You can’t tell, but that doesn’t really matter. “Still so good.”

You hear it, just how soaked you are, as he begins thrusting his digits in and out of you. He strokes your walls delicately with each press of his fingers, scissoring you open for what you know is to come. 

His tongue dips into your entrance then, teases your dripping hole as you pant heavily, 

Your legs close in on his head as the orgasm nears, but he keeps your thighs apart, firmly holding them open as he makes you unravel.

This is fucking unreal - Jungkook with his whole face tucked between your legs, desperate to make you come with his talented mouth. You never would have anticipated this when you woke up this morning.

No, just a while ago you were crying by yourself down at the beach. Now you’re crying out his name as he smothers himself in you.

Once he starts curling them inside of you, it’s embarrassing how fast you come. You clench hard around his fingers as the orgasm washes over you, dripping down his fingers and he uses the added wetness to carry you through the high.

“Jungkook…” you whimper, sounding completely fucked out even though it’s only just beginning. After a while, the heightened pleasure fades into the background, and he presses soft kisses against your inner thigh.

He crawls his way up your body until he’s facing you again. You watch his fingers and the way they’re coated in your juices, wondering what he’ll do with them next. Jungkook languidly smears the wetness all over your lips like he’s carefully painting them, only to kiss you afterward. When you moan against him, he takes the opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth. Your hand finds its way into his boxers then, wrapping your fingers around his hardened length, pumping him in your fist until he’s shallowly rutting against you.

The kiss gets broken when he suddenly pulls away, realization dawning on him. “Shit,” he exclaims. “I don’t have a condom.”

“Oh.” You blink at him, then you both just look at each other for a while. This isn’t a problem with no solution, even if the solution is a disastrous one in hindsight. You just want him, so badly that you can’t think of anything else.

He waits for you, doesn’t dare say anything else until you do.

Yet again, the opportunity presents itself for you to stop.

But you’ve already gone this far, and though it’s damn near impossible, you want him even more than you did before.

“Are you clean?” you ask.

It’s evident that he’s surprised by the way his eyes widen, and his silence that follows for the next half a minute. “Yeah,” he tells you.

“Okay. Then we don’t need a condom.”

He says your name once, his fingers brushing your hair away from your face sweetly. You always did like your name best when it used to fall from his lips so softly. “Are you sure?” he asks.

“I’m sure. I promise.”

Jungkook sucks in a breath, like he’s steadying himself, before he rids himself of the remaining piece of clothing on his body, then settles between your legs again. This time, his cock rests directly on your bare pussy. The anticipation makes it harder for you to breathe, makes you squeeze your thighs around his waist to not let him leave.

“How long has it been?”

Your answer is vague. “Too long,” you say. You don’t want to tell him that there’s been no one else since him, but you have a feeling that he understands it anyway. You think that he’d be pleased with your answer, that maybe it would boost his ego in a way, but there’s only a certain sadness that settles in his eyes. 

“Okay.” Regardless, he pushes past the sudden gloom that befalls his features, blinking away the disheartenment swimming in his irises, to align himself with your entrance. He rubs his cock against your pussy to coat you in his precum, even though you yourself are certainly more than wet enough for him to slide home easily. “Ready?”

“Yes,” you confirm, bracing your hands on his shoulders as he eases the tip into you, making the both of you moan at the contact. You feel him, all of him.

For a second, you wonder if he has ever forgone protection with anyone else, or if it’s only ever been just you.

Jungkook takes one of your hands off his shoulder to lay it flat on the bed next to your head, lacing your fingers together, giving your hand a slight squeeze. “Breathe. You can do it.”

“Give me a minute.”

“We’ve got time,” he says, his voice smooth like velvet.

“Can you kiss me?” you ask, almost like you’re shy even though he’s balls deep inside of you.

He chuckles lightly, so endeared by you and your silly question.

His lips meet yours sweetly, like doing so would help make the stretch less painful. Maybe it does, at least a little bit. 

You can feel his cock throbbing inside of you, and he’s probably trying so hard to hold back, but he keeps kissing you nonetheless.

“You can move,” you say after a while.

“I’ll go slow, okay?”

“Okay.”

He rears his hips back, slowly, then thrusts forward again. You whimper from the slight burn, but it’s nothing you can’t handle. His movements are gentle for the next couple of minutes or so, and it isn’t until you start opening up more that he sets a steadier pace. Even when he starts to fuck you faster, one of his hands is still on your hips, rubbing your skin soothingly. 

“Fuck,” Jungkook grunts out, followed by a sigh of your name as he pumps into your cunt, every ridge and vein of his cock dragging deliciously in and out of your walls. “You feel so good.”

He gazes down at you as he moves, and there’s just something so intimate about it that it makes you want to cry again.

You know what it’s like to have him fuck you, and this isn’t it.

No, this is something else entirely.

I love you, you think. I love you so fucking much.

“Missed you.” His words come out hushed, caught in half a moan, half a whimper. “Missed you so fucking much.”

“Did you think about me?”

“Always,” he says, without even missing a beat.

“No,” you clarify. “When you were sleeping with other people, did you think about me?”

“I only thought about you.” His hips stutter as he tells you this, like he’s confessing to something that he shouldn’t. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

You never admitted this to anyone, not even Taehyung even though he probably sensed it, but you used to feel like you could be physically sick just looking at the photos on his feed every time you’d lurk on a drunken night. They were never flashy, just subtle enough for you to know that there was someone. It made you nauseous, because the place next to him was always supposed to be yours.

You just stare at him, not knowing how to process this bit of information. Sure, it’s an ego boost. There’s some pride in knowing that you were the one on his mind even if you weren’t together.

He’s so utterly gorgeous like this that you can’t form a single coherent thought, too lost in the way his eyes bore into yours and in the blossoming warmth that spreads all over your chest from hearing his words.

How did he manage to get even more beautiful? Sculpted by the gods. The standard for all men.

“What is it?” he asks when you stare at him for too long.

“I…” You blink away the daze. “I wanna be on top.”

“Okay.”

Jungkook slips out of you just long enough to get seated with his back against the headboard and pull you into his lap. You hover over him, letting his tip rub against your dripping hole for a moment before you sink onto him. You tip your head back and sigh as you envelope him fully again, the only difference is that you can feel him so much deeper like this.

He grabs your ass with both hands, kneading your skin as he helps you ride him. The sounds that you make together are downright obscene, bouncing off the walls, ringing in your ears.

“Harder,” you tell him shakily. “Don’t wanna hurt you.”

“I want it to hurt,” you say, holding onto him like you’re bracing for impact, because you know he’ll give you what you want. “Make it hurt.”

Jungkook sighs once, then digs his heels into the mattress to steady himself before his hips go wild, thrusting into you with such force that it nearly has you sobbing, your head falling onto his shoulder. It makes you burn with pleasure, like a star before it becomes a supernova. When the tension starts building quickly, you can’t help but slam your hips down harder to meet his thrusts, to chase that high.

You press your lips against his skin, any spot you could find - his jaw, his neck, his shoulder. “Tell me you love me.”

The words are ready on the tip of his tongue, like he’s been waiting for an opportunity to say it. He doesn’t miss a single beat as he tells you, “I love you.”

“Mean it.”

“I do mean it. I love you.”

Truth.

For some sick and twisted reason, his words send you crashing over the edge, falling into that abyss of pleasure that you’ve been searching for. You say his name, over and over again, like you’re making up for all the years that he wasn’t around to hear it.

Your walls convulse wildly around him as you cry out, your toes curling, your thighs shaking. He holds you close, thrusting into you through your orgasm until you’re dizzy, like you could actually pass out from the overwhelming bliss.

“I’m close,” he tells you in a raspy voice.

You catch your breath long enough to say, “Come for me.”

“Where do you want it?”

“Inside,” you say without much thought. If you were in a clearer state of mind, you would know that it’s reckless and stupid. You’re not on birth control, and if anything were to happen, you would have no one to blame but yourself.

But you aren’t in a clear state of mind, and maybe this is even more dangerous than if you were fueled by alcohol. At least you can sober up from alcohol.

You just want him so badly that rationality seems like a luxury you can’t afford right now.

“Y/N,” he whispers shakily, though there’s a warning edge to his voice that you understand.

“I want you to come inside me. I want it. I want it so bad. Please.”

Jungkook groans at your answer. 

He doesn’t ask you to look at him, instead choosing to hide his face against your neck where you feel something wet glide down your skin as he grips your hips. It’s followed by a sniffle, and hands that hold onto you like you’re a lifeline. 

He’s crying, and that breaks your fucking heart.

You don’t know what to do. Part of you wants to tilt his chin up to look at you, because it feels strange without his tender gaze on you, but you decide against it even though the tips of your fingers tingle with the need to do so. 

Your walls clench with purpose, squeezing around him, trying to help you get there. It’s not that long before you hear your name falling from his lips in a choked out moan, so needy and beautiful and makes you nostalgic. He empties himself inside of you, making you shudder from the sudden warmth that he paints along your walls.

You stay in the same position for a few more minutes until your chest is no longer heaving with exhaustion and euphoria. He gently pulls you off his lap to lay you down on the bed, pressing an apologetic kiss against your bare shoulder when you wince from the oversensitivity, from any kind of movement at all. 

When he moves to throw on his boxers and goes to stand up, you reach for him. “Where are you going?” You instantly feel pathetic for asking.

He pauses, then squeezes your hand as that sadness from before makes an appearance in his eyes again. “I’m just going to the bathroom,” he tells you, his voice quiet.

The relief on your face must be visible. “Okay,” you say. Rationally, you know he probably wouldn’t fuck you and leave you the second the deed is done. But again, rationality is a luxury at the moment.

Jungkook returns a couple of minutes later with a warm cloth, and dabs it between your legs to clean you up. You grimace when he touches you there, evidently sore already from the activities you just engaged in.

“Sorry,” he’s quick to say, though it isn’t really his fault. Or maybe it is his fault. You’re not sure if that even matters.

When he’s done, he gets under the covers with you. “Come here,” he says, then shuffles your body closer to his until he’s holding you with his hands on your bare waist. He leans down to kiss you, and you let him. God, you feel like you’re fucking melting.

It’s different from the kiss down at the beach, and it’s different from the needy ones you shared in the past hour. It’s soft and slow and easy, like there’s nothing for you to worry your pretty little head about.

Jungkook breaks away eventually, and rests his forehead against yours then. One of his hands on your waist slides up to your ribs, until his thumb could brush the underside of your breast. The touch is gentle, sweet, completely innocent.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispers. He means everything he tells you. “You’re perfect.”

You even blush, like you’re a stupid lovesick teenager. “Tell me,” you say.

“Anything.”

You reckon it’s self-indulgent at this point. You’re only asking to feel better about your place in his life, or rather, the place that used to be yours.

“Tell me you can’t live without me.”

He nudges his nose against yours. No hesitation. “I can’t live without you.”

Truth. You know it’s the truth.

Nonetheless… “Liar.” Your tone is soft. There’s no bite at all. You touch his face, trying to commit to memory every detail, how his soft skin feels under your touch as if it’s the last time you’ll ever get to see him like this. Maybe it is. You never got to have a last time with him, never got to know that it was ending before it already ended. You’re not thinking about the morning because you don’t want to, but the seed of anxiety is there in your belly. Your fingers trace his jawline as you say, “You lived without me. You were doing fine without me.”

His lips ghost over your cheek. “It wasn’t much of a life,” he says. “I couldn’t bear it without you.”

The thing is, you know that he’s being honest. And it should make you feel good that you affected him as much as he affected you.

But then… it keeps leading you back to that question. The question that you thought you could go the rest of your life without knowing the answer to. But for that to be possible, you needed him to stay gone, stay out of your world forever.

He shouldn’t be here, tangled up in the sheets with you and kissing you like his life depends on it. 

He shouldn’t tell you that he misses you, that he loves you. Shouldn’t tell you to please, love him too.

It’s contradictory, isn’t it? You needed to never see him again if you stood a chance of moving on with your life. You needed it and yet, all you wanted was to have him back by your side.

The tattoo catches your attention again. It feels like it’s laughing at you, mocking you.

You clench your teeth once, your eyes beginning to turn glassy. Jungkook sees it, and he’s quick to break up your train of thought. He presses his mouth to yours, shushing you with a deep kiss that makes your head spin, despite it all.

“Don’t think about it,” he mumbles against your lips, so desperate to get you to stop. As if he can sense where this could lead.

“How could I not? I don’t know who you are anymore.”

“You know me.” He holds onto your wrist, to keep your hand on his face before you can pull it away. “I’m still the same.”

“No, you’re not,” you say quietly, absentmindedly.

“Yes,” he insists. “Yes, I am.”

Maybe that’s true. Maybe you do see the person you used to know. But you only ever see him in glimpses and it always leaves you with a terrible, nauseous feeling afterward.

He doesn’t understand how much it hurts you to catch glimpses of the boy you used to love - the boy you still love - only to realize that maybe that isn’t the person he wants to be anymore. It feels like he keeps trying to kill that version of himself, like he despises the person who meant the world to you.

Are you gone forever?

Come back quietly.

“How old are you?” you ask after a moment.

The question makes him pause, his soft features twisting in confusion. He leans back a bit, so his eyes could focus on your face better.

“What?”

“How old are you?” you repeat.

It takes him another while to answer as he tries to see where you’re going with this. But when his search comes up empty, he just answers, “29.”

"I don't know who you are at 29. The last time I knew you was 24. No. You hadn't even turned 24 yet. Where was 25? 26? 27? 28? It’s unfair that you still know who I am when I don't know who you are. I feel like I never aged a day past 24. You carried on living but I'm still here."

His eyes well up once again, but this time, you can see it. The first tear spills over, lands somewhere on your collarbone. This is what you used to want, right? To see him hurting, just like how you were hurting? Well, be careful what you wish for.

No part of you feels victorious that you’re making him cry, that the score is finally being settled, because none of this undoes all of the shit you had to go through. If anything, it makes you feel even worse, like you’re still losing.

“I never moved on from us. I couldn’t move on from you,” he says, voice cracking toward the end. Your heart is doing the same thing in your chest, but you’re glad that he can’t see it. “I swear I miss you every day. I wanted you with me every day. You have no idea how much I wanted to come back to you.”

Jungkook looks so dejected, like a reflection of you these past few years. You recognize that look in his eyes. You know that sadness all too well. He was in as much pain as you were.

He loved you when he left you. He still loves you even after all this time. 

You inhale shakily. For the first time, you feel infinitely selfish for only focusing on your own misery without even stopping to give him the benefit of the doubt, to consider the possibility that maybe letting you go wasn’t something he wanted. Maybe he isn’t the antagonist that you spent years making him out to be.

There’s more to it, and you need to know.

“Then why did you leave me?”

Graduation was just shy of a month ago, and two weeks before that was Hoseok’s flight when he left you all behind.

You and Jungkook, along with Taehyung and Jimin had gone to see him off at the airport. Of course you did, you were his best of friends after all. The goodbye was full of jokes accompanied by sniffles, and tears that overflowed without permission because you all agreed that you would hold yourself together for Hoseok. Jimin was probably the one who cried the most, even though inside, you were equally sad to see your friend leave.

A part of your life was ending, and that in and of itself was depressing enough already, but you thought at least the whole group would still be together and start the next chapter by each other’s side.

Nonetheless, it wasn’t the end of the world. All of you could still make it work, even if it wasn’t the most ideal of situations. You promised to keep in touch, promised to message the group chat every day and have video calls every weekend. You were still kids, and kids tend to be optimistic like that.

What none of you could see coming was how everything would fall apart in a matter of mere weeks.

Jungkook thinks that decades from now, when he’s old and gray and helpless, he still won’t be able to forget that day.

He should’ve been more concerned when your mother contacted him out of nowhere, asking him to meet with her, asking him not to let you know where he was going.

He’d shown up half an hour early to the cafe where they were supposed to meet, just because he didn’t want to risk being late and have your mother disapprove of him even more. Not once had she expressed anything other than disdain toward your relationship, but you’d always told him it didn’t matter, that you were the only person who could decide what to do with your life, not anyone else, let alone your mother. He always believed you back then, even if deep down, he still wanted her to see that he was enough for you. Her unattainable approval still mattered to him.

Jungkook spent thirty whole minutes running on nothing but anxiety and caffeine. That was probably his first mistake, ordering a cup of coffee which only made him more nervous than he already was.

When your mother arrived, it barely took her any time at all to get right into what she came here to say. She hadn’t even bothered with a drink.

Was that how it was always going to end? Should he have seen it coming from the beginning? Was he the only one who thought it would be you and him all the way until the very end?

Maybe he was more of a hopeless romantic than he thought.

It was the way she had called him a phase that she hoped you’d grow out of. That she had let you keep this relationship for long enough, but now that you’d graduated - now that you’d be starting a life for yourself - she couldn’t sit back and watch you throw it all away for a boy who could never give you what you deserved.

It was the way she told him she didn’t want history to repeat itself. How she didn’t want to subject you to the same fate that she and your father had to suffer through. How she had left your dad because in the end, he wasn’t enough for her and you, even though you were a child and you deserved to grow up with a father and with love.

She said the same thing would happen to you and Jungkook, because you were meant for greater things and he was not meant to deserve you. She made it clear that he would always hold you back, that he would never amount to even a fraction of what you should receive in life.

“If you love her, you would let her go.”

Cliché, right? Like the kind of stuff you only ever see in movies? Well, movies have to take inspiration from somewhere.

He thought about his own mother then, and about how people could have such different ways of showing love. He believed that your mother loved you, and he still believes that. She wouldn’t have gone through the trouble of seeing him if she didn’t care about you. She wanted the best for you, and that wasn’t him.

She didn’t have to tell him to keep it a secret from you, because he wouldn’t have told you regardless. He was well aware of how strained your relationship with your mother was, and letting you know would only drive it closer to the edge. She knew he wouldn’t tell you. He loved you, and that was the one thing that she could count on.

Just sitting there in that café, Jungkook felt like all of the air had been sucked out of the room, even though he was surrounded by the other patrons and their lively laughter as they chatted away. The pitiful way that your mother kept looking at him forced him to learn what it was like to feel truly worthless.

The pity in her eyes only intensified when he couldn’t even say a single word in response, couldn’t think of anything to defend himself.

Silence meant agreement, and that was what he chose. Jungkook - the naive boy that he was - stopped believing in you. He’d believed her instead.

He was just a kid, what else was he supposed to do? 

She was your own flesh and blood, and he knew nothing could ever replace that. He would rather let you hate him, resent him for the rest of your life, than let you lose your family.

That day, he lied to you for the first time ever, saying he couldn’t come over because he was tired. The sunflowers he bought for you just hours prior ended up dying on his windowsill.

He wouldn’t see you again for a few more days, then for months afterward.

July was supposed to represent a blossoming summer, but all he could remember was the dreadful promise of a winter that would inevitably come.

You call his name when he takes too long to answer. “Tell me.”

“I love you,” he merely says. His hand brushes your cheek.

You frown, despite the way the three words make your chest tingle.

“I love you,” he says it again, trying to ease the furrow between your brows.

“That’s not what I asked.”

“I’m sorry.”

His voice is soft, barely even audible, but it’s this gentleness that makes his words ricochet, ringing in your ears loudly like a gun going off in the quiet of your room.

Again with the apologies.

Fuck this.

It’s hard to take it to heart when you don’t even know what he’s apologizing for.

You gave Jungkook the chance to explain himself, but if he doesn’t take it, then that’s not on you. There isn’t much else that you can do.

You swallow hard, then shove him off of you so you could get out of the bed. Your legs instantly tremble as you attempt to stand, but you soldier on as you put on your bra and underwear, then grab your dress from where it lays abandoned on the floor. You’re shaking, but it’s difficult to determine if it’s because you’re angry, or cold without his warmth nearby.

He’s quick to his feet too, rushing toward you before you could leave.

“Don’t touch me,” you hiss when he reaches for your arm. He doesn’t listen, because when has Jeon Jungkook ever fucking listened?

“Y/N, wait-”

“Wait for what?! I asked you a simple question and you can’t even answer me.”

He runs a hand over his face frustratedly, clearly torn over something. He holds your angered gaze, but the way he looks at you is much milder, gentler even if it’s equally frustrated. “I’m trying to protect you.”

You don’t know if it’s the wrong answer or not. You just know that in this moment, it irritates you to no end.

“Oh my god,” you gasp mockingly. “Someone is trying to kill me.”

“What?”

“Someone is trying to kill me. Someone is waiting outside that door right now, waiting for me to come out so they can kill me. Holy fucking shit, I’m about to be assassinated.”

“Y/N, I’m serious.”

There’s that burning sensation behind your eyes again. “And you think I’m not? What do you mean you’re trying to protect me? Protect me from what? Do you think this is a fucking k-drama? Jesus Christ,” you scoff harshly. “What do you want from me? What the actual fuck do you want?”

Jungkook aims for you again, and in an attempt to ward him off, your swinging fist inadvertently collides with his chest. The dress falls to the floor again, laying next to your feet, that useless piece of fabric.

It probably doesn’t do much damage to him, but he’s a bit startled regardless. So are you, if you’re being honest. But you do it again, and surprisingly, he lets you.

“You coward.” You shove hard at his chest, making him stumble backward. “You unbelievable asshole. You fucked me, you said you loved me, and you still can’t tell me why you left me.” 

He allows you to push him until his back is pressed against the wall. And even then, you don’t relent. Your fists continue beating against his chest as you start sobbing, spilling ‘I hate you’s in between so many expletives it could make his grandmother faint.

He might bruise in the morning.

You hope he bruises in the morning.

The least Jungkook could do is bruise for you.

You want him to curse him out for so many things - for loving you, for leaving you, for not even having the balls to tell you why he broke your heart. For coming back to remind you that you still love him. For proving that he still has you in the palm of his hands, and every twitch of his finger can make you feel like the walls are crumbling down on you.

But even as you tell him how much you hate him, you’re still thinking: Come back. I don’t want to keep losing you. Come back to me.

Because he’s the only person who can hurt you like this. When you think about him, it used to make you so depressed that you could hardly function. There’s no other way to put it to make it sound less pathetic. That’s just how it is.

You shouldn’t have agreed to this weekend, shouldn’t have been nice to him, shouldn’t have let him convince you not to think about it. You shouldn’t have opened the door for him in the first place, because there was always a part of you that knew he could get under your skin so easily just like that.

This wasn’t your second chance at holding onto him. It wasn’t a do-over. It was a re-enactment.

The years haven’t made you wiser, that much is clear.

You don’t know how long this goes on for, but at some point, you begin to wear yourself out. Your movements start to slow and the energy to violently sob leaves your body until you’re nearly collapsing. Jungkook catches you when you don’t have the strength to hold yourself up anymore. Why are you always so fucking helpless?

“You just…” Your voice gets caught at the end of a sob. This is rock bottom all over again. “You make me so sad.”

You grasp his arm weakly, feeling like your own lungs are failing you. You can’t breathe. It’s too much, too infinitely humiliating. He’s doing this to you again, and this time you have to shoulder most of the blame, because you are the one that enabled your own heartbreak for the second time.

You’re still crying, and you hate that this is the first time he’s ever seen you cry like this.

“I’m trying to protect you,” he says firmly, looking at you like he’s trying so hard not to break down alongside you. “Please, I’m so sorry.” The words come out as a whisper now. You can feel the tremble in his voice and the shake of his hands where they hold you. His big bambi eyes - the usual home of constellations - now house tears that threaten to spill onto his supple cheeks. “Please. What can I do to make you believe me?”

It’s those stupid fucking eyes. It’s your stupid fucking self.

“You need to tell me.” Your tears keep on falling no matter how much he tries to wipe them away. “I can’t take it anymore.”

“It’ll make things worse,” he tells you, his voice cracking as he does. He sounds like he means it, and maybe he does believe that whatever he’s hiding from you will only hurt you more. It almost has you caving, but you can’t do this a second time. You’re exhausted, both physically and emotionally. In the morning, you’ll think about how this is all so dramatic, the way you’re acting right now. The most k-drama-esque thing that has ever happened to you. But in the moment, you just feel like someone plunged a knife in your chest, and they keep twisting it, twisting and twisting,...

In the end, you decide that it’s a risk you’ll have to take, because nothing can be more painful than the absolute hell he’s putting you through. He’ll never understand how utterly excruciating it is to experience this kind of heartbreak.

“If you don’t tell me now, I won’t be able to survive you again.”

up next...

our beloved summer (08) ⏤ aka the JK centric chapter

all rights reserved © jeonqkooks. reposting, translating and/or modifying is not permitted by any means. [posted september 30, 2023]

[smolvenger]

Hot for Teacher (Professor! Tom Hiddleston x fem! Reader Oneshot)

Summary: After being private about your relationship, your professor boyfriend, Tom Hiddleston, introduces you to his students.

Word Count: 2K

Warnings: Some thirsty comments and cursing, but no smut. Established relationship and lots of fluffy moments. Grammar and spelling mistakes that slipped past me. Reader not being a student and being an Adult Adult (tm). A big fancy ball because I decided not some hum drum party was gonna do. (I'm the writer, I can do what I want). I rip off YouTube comments and Ana Huang and stuff I see on Tiktok and Instagram.

A/N: For @holdmytesseract's request! I am sorry this took a while due to stuff happening, but here it is!!!

A03//My Ko-Fi//My Etsy Shop//Masterlist//Wattpad

Taglist: @asgards-princess-of-mischief @jennyggggrrr @five-miles-over @fictive-sl0th @ladycamillewrites @villainousshakespeare @holdmytesseract @eleniblue @twhxhck @lokisgoodgirl @lovelysizzlingbluebird @raqnarokr @holymultiplefandomsbatman @michelleleewise @wolfsmom1 @cheekyscamp @mochie85 @fandxmslxt69 @skittslackoffilter @mischief2sarawr

You always visited the campus coffee shop on Mondays at 10 am to overhear students being thirsty for your boyfriend. You couldn’t help but stifle a giggle at their comments. They were leaving their English Literature Survey class. Only they weren’t discussing books.  

“Sooo nice of him to lower the word count for the essay, he knows it’s a lot.”

“Holy crap, did you see how tight his shirt was today? I could practically see his titties.”

“He needs to quote Shakespeare again. I think I’m developing a kink.”

“If I caught my girl in bed with Professor Hiddleston, I’d tuck him in.”

“If I was at the club and Professor Hiddleston was hitting on my girl, I’d start to cry…because he didn’t choose me.”

“I’m a hardcore lesbian, but Professor Hiddleston is on my cheat card.”

“I’m a hardcore asexual, but Professor Hiddleston is so hot that if I had to get pregnant I’d want him to do the honors.”

You sipped up your drink, sitting in a far corner. Smiling bright as you heard them. Stifling a laugh so hard you could feel your drink always threatened to snort out of your nose. You would cup your face, ensuring they didn’t take note of you. Even get out the notes app on your phone to type them down. Not that you’d ever show him. 

He was their hot Professor. But to you, he was just Tom.

Just Tom. A boyfriend who cared for you respected you, and listened to you. Who did the bare minimum and so much more. They didn’t know his flaws, living with each other's smells and body odors and functions and insecurities. And the little, beautiful moments that made you all the more in love with him. How you would both go to bookstores and geek out after certain works, make a mess in the kitchen trying a new recipe, or stay in your pajamas until 1 pm watching something on the TV. Did they know how loud he snored at night? Or how sensitive his neck was? Or that he was fidgety if he sat too long? 

Then one of them said “His girlfriend is one lucky ass bitch. I wonder what she’s like?”

“Oh…he hasn’t said anything about a girlfriend, do you think…he’s single?!” one asked.

They all shot up like meerkats with big smiles.

You froze, only staring quietly at your drink. 

Tom didn’t talk about you in class. Nothing. Nada. Goose eggs.  They didn't know you existed.

So far you were sure they were not little homewreckers- not successfully, at least. You trusted Tom and he trusted you and his students respected his boundaries. But he blocked them on social media so they wouldn’t dig anything about him. Tom was a private person and he wanted that to be respected by his students. 

When you both met to hang out and make dinner later that evening- his special Spaghetti bolognese recipe, he gave you a hug and kiss on your head.

“Oh, you missed a spot!” you teased.

His eyes crinkled beneath his glasses.

“Oh- uh,” he voiced out.

You dived in to kiss him on the lips, his beard scratching your chin.

“How are you?” he asked.

“Oh, just fine. Your students were…wondering about me today. I saw them at the shop.”

“They didn’t recognize you?”

“No- they don’t know what I look like. Or about me, period…we’ve kept it that way…”

Both of you got into the kitchen, rolling up your sleeves and preparing the pasta and sauce. It smelled of garlic, onion, and olive oil, making your stomach rumble. How easily smelling that in a kitchen could solve all of your problems!

He smiled at you. Then, as the pasta was set to boil in the pot, he turned to you. His sleeves rolled up (making you giddy inside) and his face was a little flushed from the heat of the steam from cooking.

“My angel, I don’t want to keep you in hiding- and you shouldn’t.”

“Tom, what do you mean?” you asked. You stirred the sauce, then tapped the spoon and set it on a jar for attempted cleanliness.

 I love you. And this is a part of my life…would you like to meet them? I promise you, they won’t hurt you. I won’t let them!” 

He went up to hug you from behind and you watched the simmering food.

You paused, taking in a breath. What were you afraid of? Were you ashamed of Tom or being with him? No, not a bit.

 You turned around to face him.

“They’re college kids. They’re basically puppies…I think I’d like to meet them.” you agreed

--:::------::------------------->◇<--------------------::------:::---

You both decided what event it should be that you would meet them. There were events called Bookish Balls that were all the rage now. It was a prom for adults. Proms where everyone dressed like fantasy characters and showed off costumes and even cosplays. It was everything from complex armor to a dress with some elf ears on. 

You knew he had a Shakespearean-era outfit from a play he did that he kept you just had to find the right look. It would be more exciting and less creepy then if you jumped on them at the mall like a pair of stalkers. 

And the ball looked like fun.

You and Tom both arrived. He was in his Shakespearean garb and crown. You had your own outfit- you adored it. You couldn’t help but look at each large mirror you walked by as you walked down the dim hallways with carpeted floors.

All the students were talking about it- tickets were 60 percent off for students. Since they were all raving about these hot new fantasy books between their required reading of Dickens. They all rattled their iced coffees like maracas and gossiped and shared pics of their outfits on their phones every day before class according to Tom. Most of them would all be there.

Little did they know their Professor was going to be there, as well as his girlfriend.

You both arrived at the fine, fancy hotel. Tom was dressed in his leather doublet and pants with a large cape and a grand crown. Ever the king. You had splurged on the fancy outfit you wanted badly- and you felt as if you were a heroine in a story as you walked through.

“You look stunning- they’re going to adore you,” Tom assured you.

You hoped so. If they met you and humiliated you in some way tonight or after, you would move to Antarctica and learn to speak penguin. 

Taking his arm and feeling like royalty, you both went down the fine large building. You saw people gathered. There were some stage lights and the large gala room had trees with flowers everywhere as well as thrones, little game booths photo booths, and a banquet. And, of course, a packed dance floor. A live band played. Many people wore crowns and wings and elf ears and were dancing away with zeal. Women twirled their ballgown skirts with smiles so big it lit them up. Many flicked their capes dramatically or wrapped around them like blankets. There were fairy lights and glitter everywhere and there were photo ops and even a costume contest. It was in full sway.

 Including a crowd that included Tom’s students. They jumped up in time to the song, breathlessly singing along to every word.

Tom held out your hand, both of you feeling like the king and queen looking over their jubilant subjects. You both walked down. Hoping your outfit looked as nice on you as you hoped it would.

The song was entering its last chorus. The student's backs were turned and their capes and wings were bouncing as they danced. They hadn’t noticed you yet.

He went to his group of students and cleared his throat. At once they turned their heads.

They looked at him and then you and their jaws dropped.

Tom said.“hello, here is  Y/N, my beautiful, amazing girlfriend.” He then leaned you in and gave you a kiss on the cheek.

All of their eyes bugged out of their skulls and jaws dropped like broken nutcrackers among them.

You were worried the girls in the group would glare at you like they were going to rip out your stomach intestines.

But instead, all of them collapsed into a collective “AAaaaaawwwwwww, hello!” and “What?! WHAT?!” Their eyes flitted toward Tom in tight leather (who wouldn’t?) and you in your presence. 

You went up like in any social situation. You gave them a smile- warm, genuine, polite, and friendly.

“Hi there, it’s nice to meet you- I heard all about you guys!”

You shook their hands. You got to meet them and learn names- Kelly, Hailey, Jessie, Emily, Daniel, Isaiah, Chase, Cameron, Kat, Miranda, Edgar, and so many more your head spun. But you eventually got it with practice.

But they let you dance with them. Be relaxed and have fun. It moved from a band to a playlist of all the classic dance songs. The band blasted Single Ladies and the girls invited you, dragging you in. You tried to copy the moves from the music video, but couldn’t quite and they all burst into laughter anyway.

It then slowed down- it was a ballad, the Cody Fry song about falling in love being like a symphony.

“Well…could I have a dance with my lady?” Tom asked, holding out his hand.

They gasped and looked at you.

“Oh, what a gentleman! I’d be delighted!” you said, accepting his hand.

They let you and Tom have a slow dance- how handsome he looked in the light, beaming at you. They smiled as if they were watching a rom-com at the end. There were no angry glares- at most, some looked a little reflective and sad. But none dared interrupt the moment with you and Tom.

Would they hate you after seeing the affection?

If so, they shut their mouths and minded their beeswax about it.

There were loads of pictures- you were willing to take some (they were seeing you as the surrogate Adult Adult more than their adults) and they included you in some, including some selfies.

Tom excused himself and returned with even brought you a little plate of food. a plate full of little sandwiches, cheeses, and fruits. You both rested your feet and shared some, feeling their eyes on you. For dessert, there were some gooey brownies that melted in your mouth. Tom eagerly grabbed some, his large hands packing as many brownies as he could. 

But you realized his beard had streaks of chocolate brownies on it, you burst into laughter and you heard some giggling from the students too.

“Oh, let me take care of that!” you offered.

You got out a handkerchief and wiped it off of him. You definitely heard “awwwws” in the distance. Looking at it, his beard was now clean.

“There you go! But dashing as always!” you said.

He held your hand and kissed it. The “AWWWWWS” got louder in the back and you both had to suppress your laughter.

Rejoining the students, you saw them less as little judges or would-be homewreckers. You got to talk to them. Maybe you judged them harshly- you remembered being in college when you were that young too. Of course, they grumbled about the coursework sometimes and you gave your own insight. 

“Oh- you’re seriously reading Persuasion? Oh, just wait! Austen takes some time to get used to when you read her stuff- read them slowly and you will catch onto what’s happening! The yearning in that one is beautiful” you encouraged a distraught Hailey. 

You even discussed what fantasy books they were into and got some more recommendations for your ever-growing TBR. And at the end, every last person in the crowd gathered and danced. You and Tom joined the students with big grins and aching feet, but you wouldn’t stop until that last song ended its phrase. No drama. No pettiness. And no hiding. No fear. Just people at a party. Young and happy and alive.

--:::------::------------------->◇<--------------------::------:::---

The other morning, you were back at the coffee shop. Waiting on them. Soon enough, they arrived in their band, though you remained in the corner. 

“I couldn’t believe he had a girlfriend!” Daniel gasped.

“Really?! I’m not! A man that fine can have his pick,” Kelly commented.

They began to all get iced coffees and gather around.

“She is gorgeous- didn’t you see her at that ball!? And she’s super nice!”

“Yeah…I want them to be happy and he seems so happy-”

“Oh, he is cheesing after her- you saw how he smiled?! And how he got the plate for her? Like, he’s a walking green flag!”

‘She’s so lucky!

“Listen, I am glad they’re happy…I just wish it were me…”

They all sighed and agreed,. You waited for that whole vibe of that phrase to blow away.

Then, quietly you walked over.

“Hello everyone,” you said.

They gasped and turned heads.

“YN! YN, hi!” one boy, what was his name- oh yes, Cameron!-said.

“Oh, I just wanted to pop by,” you added.

Then, Emily stood up. She got out a chair from one table and moved it over to where everyone sat .

“Do you have anywhere to be? You can…you can join us! You’re welcome to!”

You smiled at them and took a seat.

[cynthiesjmxazrielslover]

Bittersweet love

An original AUmodernAzriel x Reader

these songs remind me of them <3333

Warnings: Mentions of abuse, mention of trauma Summary: Growing up with your abusive father and your mother who never spoke up against him, you had truly given up hope of any chance of a real relationship, of real love, the ones of the kind that you read about in your books, till you're proven wrong.

A/N: this is my first fic ever+english isnt my first language, and I wrote this in a daze, the idea came to me at like 3 AM,so....enjoy muah<3 Thump.....thump. DAMN IT CAROLINE GET OUT HERE! Another night another fight, that too on their anniversary, a classic. I scoff thinking about all the picture-perfect smiles and the absolutely lovely speech my dad had read out for my mom tonight, a show, it was all a show, no one knew what went inside our house every week, how my dad hit my mom, screamed at her and then bought ridiculously expensive gifts for her as if that would fix everything. I was so so tired of their useless fights, every time it all ended the same way, with my mom never leaving. I heard the rain outside before I saw it. One thing about me was that I always loved the rain, growing up, and till now it just felt right to cry under its cover, to cry with it, to admire how beautiful it felt to be enveloped in her comfort and just...let everything go. I sneaked out my window and walked out of our backyard. There was an abandoned house right behind mine, I spread rumors just so everyone thought, it was either haunted or inhabited, in truth it was my den. Snacks, clothes, comfy blankets, duvets, you name it. It had all I needed to feel better. When I entered my lair I noticed that most of my snacks were empty and the empty packets pristine clean. Oh no, someone had discovered the truth, I turned around only to find a pair of hazel eyes staring back at me, the darkness enveloped him, I couldn't see him, but guessed well enough he was taller than me. I cursed at myself for being stupid enough to enter an abandoned place at night in the middle of a heavy down pour. No, no, no, no. I stepped back I couldn't die like this, not in this shit hole. "Um, hello there. Are you okay? you just seem a little pale" I gaped at him. He had the most alluring voice id ever heard on a man and damn did it mess with my senses. "I won't hurt you, I promise. Look I'm not armed plus I dont even have enough energy to argue right now." He stepped a bit closer enough that I could make out his silhouette illuminated by the moonlight. His hazel eyes were a sweet honey brown shade, tanned skin, muscles, tall as frick, and hot too. Holy crap this guy looked straight out of a book. "Hello?". Realizing I'd been gaping at it the whole time it took me second to remember the situation I'd found myself in before I said "Hi, Im Lana" I lied, my name wasnt lana but i wasnt gonna tell some random guy who ate my snacks AND all my blueberry sour candy my name, Im not that dumb. He steps out of the shadows so i could get a proper look at him, and so he could look at me i realize. "Hello Lana, Im Azriel". I looked at him, really looked at him noticed 3 things, 1. He didnt look much older than me, meaning either he was in school or in college, 2. He was wearing my oversized hoodie which looked a little too small on him, and 3. He looked in a bad shape. He had bruises on his face marring his body, burned hands, swollen eye and looked cold, very cold and malnourished. He looked almost......homeless.

I snuck a glance outside.

I silently swore, if this man- Azriel, stayed here any longer he would DIE, either of fever or due to infection. I might already have brought a one way ticket to the deepest darkest pits of hell but doesnt mean he did. Without a thought i spit out "Come to my house". "Im sorry what?" he chuckled out smirking at me as a flush crept over me. "I-I meant that you cant stay here, there's heavy rain and its cold here. pfft that's totally what i meant" i stammer out. Reminder to curl up and die in a corner later on. He furrows his brow at my statement, a hint of amusement on his face. "Haven't you heard of stranger danger Lana?" He pipes out, his voice low and gravelly. "I doubt an 18 year old guy who wears Minnie Mouse hoodies with dora the explorer socks and a pink bow pajamas would try to kidnap me" Okay now this dude was really crossing it for me. Reminder number 2- Drown these clothes in holy water before wearing them again. Now it was his turn to be embarrassed. "I still look better in these than you could ever. But you're smart and these clothes fit me like a fucking tank top and shorts, so yes, Lana, I'll come to your house. Only because Im freezing out here" He added FRICK. FRICK THIS WAS A BAD,BAD IDEA

Azriels POV I stepped out of the shower, steam rising from the hot water. I smelled like lavender soap and vanilla- The scent of real men. I put on the fresh pair of clothes Lana gave me, A little smaller than what i wore but better than those hoodies of hers anyway. I saw her reading a book when i stepped out, no gods not another book-obsessed psycho. She motioned for me to sit down and applied some bandages, honey, and anti-septic cream and gave me some medecine, pain killers i guessed. She seemed to know what she was doing, better than going to a doctor if it meant it was free and she wasn't going- "Who gave you get these" My chain of thoughts are interrupted by her words. "I got myself banged up by a....raccoon?" A raccoon? A RACCOON? Thats the best I could come up with? Telling a girl that i got banged up by a raccoon? She laughs at my answer. It's not a soft melodic sound like i expected but a burst of laughter. She snorts and smirks at me. "Damn, a raccoon huh? Wait,does that mean your're pregnant now?Plus,what? did it tackle you to the ground with its little toe beans? What were you even fighting over, who gets the last thrown out doughnuts from the dumpster, oh, or, did she kick you out of the house instead? You're lovely raccoon wife." She laughs out, barely able to form the sentence without controlling her laughter. I roll my eyes but I cant help smile, I knew very little about this girl but i did know 4 things, 1. She was a terrible liar, introducing herself under a fake name when her name was written under every single one of her drawings, 'y/n' I liked that name, it sounded different yet familiar on my tongue. 2.She might have just saved my life 3. She had a very good taste in candy and 4. we are about to become very, very, very good friends, something I hadn't had in a while. Tell me in the comments if you want to be tagged in the next parts, plus im open to supportive constructive criticism so let me know how i can improve =) taglist: @anarchiii @starlightazriel @velarisdusk @siriuslystyle1989 @scorpioriesling

[mileymint]

I keep forgetting I'm friends with THE @electrozeistyking and then proceed to get jumpcared seeing her in my notes. Like holy crap guys look at my awesome popular friend who's super good at art, I'm just a little guy but they think I'm cool too

Idk how to explain this feeling but yeah I'm definitely feeling it

This applies to a very large amount of my mutuals also. I love you all so much and this is honestly insane to me. I'm gonna throw up and cry /affectionate

I WILL be annoying and brag about having yall as friends, I can't even put it into words how much everyone here means to me

Like GUYS look at @yadchi-i-guess and @leefl00f , these guys are so cool

Lookit @cherrysandcats ‼️‼️ LOOK AT EM‼️‼️‼️

LOOK AT @sweatertheman AND @mirror-ralsei AND @pap03 AND @zixzs-ajk AND @itslilacokay ‼️‼️

I HAVE SO MANY COOL FRIENDSFJABDKANFK!!!!!!

[antiyourwokehomophobia2]

Extremely long vent under the cut

I am so fucking over everything. I feel like I just doubled back to my starting line. I feel like I played the game and failed fucking spectacularly. Like. Worst you could possibly do. The fact I'm back to being with my mom and being single makes me feel like an eighteen year old kid again. I feel like a loser and I genuinely want to die. I don't think texting the crisis text line two days in a row is a good sign. My entire life has fucking gone to shit and I'm genuinely so fucking over it.

All I've ever wanted out of life was to tell my silly lil stories and marry a woman who loves me as much as I love her but you can't have shit in this economy. This is genuinely fucking insane. I cannot BELIEVE what has happened to me. I genuinely never in a million years thought my life would ever look like this. Life threw me a curveball and knocked my teeth clean out. It's so fucked. I think I might actually kill myself, I'm genuinely so fucking over this. I tried to be strong and be resilient and all I'm alive for is to see my life fall completely the fuck apart. I want out. I'm done. I've never been a strong fighter or whatever the fuck. I cry at images of trees that have light shining in between the branches.

I'm not a soldier and never have been but I've been fighting anyway and I'm *tired*. I don't want to fight anymore. And for fucking what?? Some stupid dream of grandeur? A woman that will never come into my life? I've always loved people more than they loved me. I'm not going to find princess charming or whatever the fuck. It's not happening. Something is fucked within me. I'm too sensitive or too idealistic or fucking SOMETHING because holy fucking shit. I am so fucking done. For fucking real. I want out. I want to be gone. I wish guns weren't so expensive and people knew what happened after death because holy SHIT, I am so fucking over it. I cannot live like this. It's fucking over for me. I actually thing 23 is a perfect age to know if you want to kill yourself. I wanted to at eighteen but didn't, but Holy fucking crap I think I knew better then. I didn't do it because I wanted to see what would happen and fucking LOOK. This is what I stayed alive for?? Fucking THIS ????

And I can't fucking believe that when I asked my (now ex) gf of five years if she wanted to marry me, she fucking said "I THINK SO" girl, are you fucking fr right now. Five fucking years. I need you to be locked and fucking loaded. But whatever. I realized I wouldn't want to be with someone who placed me so low on the priority list. But whatever. Whatever. I feel like God stripped me of all my fucking stats. I'm gonna kill myself for real. I can't take this shit, y'all, I fucking can't. I can't believe I'm back in my hometown and I have to constantly watch my back because god fucking FORBID I run into anyone from high school and they see me and what I've become. I will actually kill myself on the spot, I can't handle that. And Jesus fucking CHRIST, I cannot fucking believe I'm living back with my mom. I fucking hate that woman and could go the rest of my life without ever talking to her again. Jesus fucking christ. And having to live with her stupid boyfriend. Fuck him. No he didn't do anything to me but I had a dad and don't need to be out here saying "my mom's boyfriend" how fucking cringe are you kidding me. I played the game and I failed SPECTACULARLY.

Holy fucking fuck, bro. I can't believe this shit. Seriously. Fucking seriously. You gotta be kidding. Youth really is wasted on the young because what do you mean I'll be 25 in 2 years and barely started anything. How incredibly fucking pathetic. Holy fuck. There are sixteen year old kids on Broadway and shit and I'm what? Struggling to get a degree because my dad died in my second year and it wrecked my progress?? It wrecked me so bad that my mom had me move back in for health reasons?? Are you fucking serious??? This is what my fucking life is right now? I can't fucking believe it. I'm gonna be policed constantly. I just know it. And I'll never feel comfortable in this house. And they didn't even bother to clean even though they fucking said they would. God, Jesus fucking christ y'all, I have zero hope. Optimist? Hopeful? Nope. Not me. Not any fucking more. This is it. I want to kill myself and I might actually do it because holy fucking shit WOW. This is insane. I did not stay alive at eighteen for this ridiculous shit. Unacceptable. Completely unacceptable. I have no hope anymore. I'm done. I'm so fucking done.

I fucking tried. Extremely hard. It wasn't good enough and I'm finished fr. I can't keep taking shit like this. I wasn't built for it fr. 5 years (18 to 23) feels like a long enough waiting period. I'm done.

[neptune-lover]

Pregnant? Pt5

Tag list: @hauntedpostpersona @moxkindagirl @babybatlover

Tw: talks of pregnancy, mentions of death and miscarriage, mentions of vomit/throwing up and mentions of sex, use of their real names

It have been 10 minutes and almost like deja vu here you were sitting with your partners in a circle around the faced down pregnancy test but this time it was Rhea's instead Y/n's. "Ok it should be time to flip it over now" Y/n said "I'm nervous I mean I know ow I haven't had any symptoms but still what if it is positive"Rhea said in a shakey voice. " It's okay Demi I already have a doctors appointment to double check that the test was correct and I am actually pregnant. That's actually why I hadn't told you guys"Y/n had said . "I would like that to come with you and get checked also" Rhea said sheepishly " Of course baby" Y/n said "I'll flip it over for you Dem" Damian said. "Thank you Luis" Rhea sighed in relief "of course" Damian said as he picked the test up and turned it so it was face up but only so he can see it. He kept a straight face almost like Becky had yesterday he passed it to Finn who passed it to you who passed it to Dominik. All of you kept straight faces Dominik handed the test to Rhea and she gaps "holy crap it's positive". You all get smiles on your faces when Y/n start crying but not from happiness but sadness " What's wrong bunny" Rhea asks. "I'm just scared the last time I was pregnant it ended up being a miscarriage. I'm scared it might happen again." Rhea hugs the Y/n and says"Bunny it's gonna be okay we know what happened last time but I promise we will do everything in our power to keep both the baby and you safe we won't let anything happen to the baby or you that could affect the baby." "Ya we won't let anything bad happen to our little beans" Dominik said "Little beans really" Finn said "What that's about what they are the size of right now" Dominik stated "that's true" Damian chimed in. All this bickering between the boys made Y/n chuckle. "There's that smile" Rhea said "Our appointment is in 3 days so we have a few days till then so can we just chill for the rest of today " Y/n said. "Sounds good to me you guys wanna have a movie day then" Damian asked "YES" Rhea and Y/n shouted at the same time. "Can we watch the greatest showman(AN: you can change this to a different movie if wanted) " Y/n asked "Ofc we can Princess" said Finn. And with that you guys snuggled into bed and watch movies for the rest of the day.

I hope you guys enjoyed part 5 I have so many ideas for this series and feel free to keep requesting stuff for me to write

[amberjazmyn]

dr spencer reid one-shot

𝓲𝓶𝓪𝓰𝓲𝓷𝓮 - instagram part two

𝔀𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 - none

𝓭𝓮𝓼𝓬𝓻𝓲𝓹𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷 - a series of instagram posts from usersdrsreid and ynreid.

𝓪𝓾𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓻'𝓼 𝓷𝓸𝓽𝓮 - i had so much fun writing the first part that i knew i had to do it again and just because i really love dr spencer reid

part one masterlist

- - - 

liked by drsreid, derekmorgan, emilyprentiss, penelopegarcia, jenniferj and 456,789,50 others

ynreid what you don't see in the first photo is me laughing at spencer crying over the realisation that we now share the same last names 

View all 839,45,10 comments

drsreidi knew i was gonna cry all day anyway love, so it's okay to laugh

derekmorgan i think we were all crying at one stage

drsreid derekmorgan apart from y.n lol, she didn't cry once derek and big props to her because i did at one stage think we had gotten her but, we never did

emilyprentiss this day was literally the best wedding i've ever attended omg

penelopegarcia hands down my favourite wedding in the world. congratulations you silly poms

aaronhotchner and i thought i had cried my tear ducts dry but nope

ashleyseaver omg you guys are so fucking cute! 

ellegreenway lol, jj in the right-hand corner just screaming in joy 

liked by ynreid, emilyprentiss and 783,149,67 others

drsreid the reason why i cried the entire day wasn't that i was "losing my freedom as a single man" or anything else like those snarky comments i see. i cried the whole day because i had waited so long for today to arrive that when it did, i couldn't grasp the fact that i was finally marrying the girl of my dreams. 

i absolutely adore you mrs reid, more than words in any of the english or any other language dictionaries can explain. the reason why i cried all day was that i hadn't ever woken up as happy as i did this morning with the knowledge that i was going to be marrying my best friend. i cried all day because i got to fulfil the dream that your dad dreamt and made for you before he had the opportunity to see his gorgeous little girl get married to the love of her life. i cried all day because i didn't get to see my wife be walked down the aisle by her dad. i cried all day because we got to see aaronhotchner walk her down the aisle. i cried all day because finally got to vow my everlasting love to my soulmate. i cried all day because i finally got to fulfil my father-in-law's wish of marrying his little girl, just like he wanted me to do, that he had written down on his bucket list of "last things to do before i die". i love you so much mrs reid and i promise to love you every single day until i can no longer do it on earth. 

View all 928,875,67 comments

ynreid it was a perfect day spence, even though daddy never got to be here physically <3

emilyprentiss best wedding ever!

aaronhotchner i'm forever grateful that i was able to hand y.n over to you, spencer. it was an honour and i'm so glad i got to honour her father and your father-in-law

penelopegarcia omg, i cried so hard when i realised that hotch was walking y.n down the aisle, my lord.

jenniferj bro, didn't think i'd tear up seeing hotch walk y.n down the aisle but, it did and then i couldn't stop crying.

davidrossi so glad i had the pleasure of officiating the ceremony. it was beautiful you two.

ellegreenway i'm so glad we got to be a part of it, spence.

ashleyseaver i'm still so frustrated that i ugly cried any time that the camera was in my direct eyeshot 

ynreid ashleyseaver you still looked fucking gorgeous dear daughter! thank you for being one of my bridesmaids <3 

liked by drsreid, aaronhotchner,derekmorgan and 456,781,90 others

ynreid did someone order a baby reid?

View all 543,836,77 comments

drsreid yeah, i think i ordered it a few months ago. it still hasn't arrived yet

ynreid drsreid how rude, cannot believe it's taking this long!

aaronhotchner you guys just got married and already you're popping out children!

derekmorgan i think i just choked on my saliva holy crap what?!

penelopegarcia i've only just emotionally recovered from the wedding and now you're telling me you guys are pregnant?!

jenniferj and now i'm sobbing

liked by ynreid, emilyprentiss, penelopegarcia and 932,581,50 others

drsreid say hello to sage eleanor emily reid everybody.

View all 37,98,08 comments

ynreid my two precious angels <3

emilyprentiss omg sage eleanor emily reid! only the cutest name ever!

penelopegarcia cutest goddaughter ever!

derekmorgan ok but like, who named sage?

drsreid derekmorgan y.n did actually, derek. sage was a traditional name in your family as was eleanor and then we wanted to honour one of you guys and we decided emily would be the perfect name. i cried instantly when she suggested we name our daughter after her grandpa's sister.

jenniferj best girl dad ever!

liked by drsreid, aaronhotchner, davidrossi and 894,142,99 others

ynreid spence, today is all about you and the amazing father you are to our little girl, sage eleanor emily. you love our daughter in ways that i could have only seen in dreams. you always make sure you give her all the attention in the world. you are sage's entire world and she is yours and it's plainly obvious. i am so grateful we get to parent our little pretty girl genius. i love you so much reid sr. 

View all 874,619,12 comments

drsreid can you please stop making me cry bubs? i've been crying all day because of how loving you have been! i love you mrs reid

ynreid drsreid i love you more mr reid

aaronhotchner happy fathers day spencer <3

davidrossi happy father's day reid. sage is a beautiful girl, just like her beautiful parents

derekmorgan happy father's day pretty boy 

ashleyseaver happy father's day, spencer! sagey has gotten so big! 

liked by ynreid, emilyprentiss, aaronhotchner, derekmorgan, penelopegarcia and 876,912,34 others

drsreid happy mothers day mrs reid. you are the best mother to sage and we are so grateful to have you in our lives. it was almost magical to see the way your body changed during your pregnancy with our daughter. seeing you nurture her before and after she was born whilst still being a kick arse with the fbi always brings tears to my eyes and motivates me to be a better agent because you were born to be a natural mother and fbi agent and sage is the luckiest little girl in the world, just like i'm the luckiest husband in the world. sage eleanor emily and i love you every single day and every day is mother's day in this household!

View all 492,697,12 comments

ynreid i can see why you got me to cry today without even trying. it was payback for making you cry during our wedding, our entire pregnancy and when i named sage. touché mr reid, touché

drsreid ynreid i sincerely promise it was not as payback because it made me cry seeing you cry. it was not payback at all

emilyprentiss happy mother's day y.n. can't wait to see the reid fam tonight <3

ynreid emilyprentiss thank you em! spence and i can't either. sage is also very excited to see her godmother, it's the cutest thing <3

aaronhotchner happy mother's day my darling y.n <3

derekmorgan happy mother's day pretty girl <3

- - - 

imagining spencer as a girl dad is everything in my dreams and therefore imagining mgg as well being a girl dad is everything of my dreams. i'd love either of them to become girl dads!

ok ily bye xx

wc; 1651

[1dk-whoshifter]

Unfairness & Bella's position in fanfiction .ᐟ

Ahh (ง •`⎽´•)ง well well well and the opponents of this week is~..

The way Twilight could be written and How Bella seems to catch crap no matter what happens to her in rewrites/Fanfiction.

Point in case ☝🏿🤓 she's either written out or becomes a side point human ✌🏿✊🏿✌🏿✊🏿 . Like give me a Bella who's life is still interlocked with the supernatural world despite never meeting him or despite them not being love interest (っ ͡¬ ₃ ͡¬)っ

Give me Jane x bella or Tanya x bella hell even Victoria x bella side stories would be acceptable.

Like, come on!!! stories where Bella stays human and becomes a teacher like she wanted, having a peaceful stress-free *cough* Renee*cough* life.

Anywho I think Twilight vampires have it rougher than any other vampires genre, like I know what you're thinking but hold on and listen.

1) They can't Eat, Sleep, Cry or wear makeup.

They sparkle so they can get a taste of normalcy but not enough to make them 'human'.

They can't wear makeup, dyed their hair, wear contacts for to long, or play any strength based games with humans.

Oh 🤓☝🏿 and did I forget to mention they can't do drugs nor drink alcohol of any kind.. So yeah..

The things that the human body normally does to gain serotonin, the twilight vampires are unable to do whatsoever.. so their ment to be miserable and sober until they get their lives together like.. 😬

2) blood singers are canonical for every vampire so it doesn't matter if you're a older vegan and you somehow have curved human blood since the moment you were born, you will eventually meet that one person who will f*** your streak up.

3) suicide always been possible in Vampire media for most vampires to commit suicide whether it's burning yourself alive, or decapitating oneself, ripping one's heart out or a stake or holy water, some way somehow vampires have been able to get death after ..death.

4) but Twilight vampires are unable to do anything like that because they have to be dismembered, burned and then the Ashes are basically scattered before they're truly at rest after immortality.

So in short being a Twilight vampire would f****** suck! 😭💔

but do I still want to do it?... yes🥹🥲

. I really have to stop sporadically writing at 3am.⚈̀ ᴗ ́⚈

-Dirty D∅x

Ps. That person with Bella in the drawing isn't Bella's love interest, but what I'm gonna call mini Døx and he usually is added into a drawing when it pertains to a gender neutral imaginary reader~ - BigDøx

[alltimefail-sims]

I think I made Celebrazioni D’amore kinda sexy...😏

I'm gonna ramble now!!! ↓

HOLY CRAP this lot has been a HUGE challenge. Every time I'd think I was close to being done, this freaking lot would provide me with an even more bizarre and questionable feature than the one previously conquered... but despite nearly throwing in the towel, here we are! Phew!

I changed so. much.

The biggest change I made is that I shrunk the building down quite a bit to eliminate the excessive, gaping, empty spaces that were quite literally everywhere and serving no function whatsoever. I also moved and downsized the mega stairs, fixed all the visual balance issues (like one side of the build being heavier than another or tables being off-center from the stage and etc.), made the bottom floor's main area an actual room (yes... that was an issue in the original build), removed the heinous carpeting (goodbye random cheetah print patches), landscaped basically from scratch, and so. much. more. I'm relieved to say that when I look at these pictures though I still feel like I'm looking at the same lot... just a more functional and aesthetically pleasing version of it.

The OG build made a good attempt at something adjacent to "character," and even though it was a bit of a swing and a miss, I wanted to maintain that intention. I never do nightclub or lounge lots so this became a great exercise in pushing myself to build in a style I don't typically gravitate toward. (Using neon, colored lighting and modern fixtures in the same build?? Unheard of for me!) Some of my favorite parts aren't even pictured, so I'm really excited to share the whole thing. Although I'm not done (fingers crossed that I'll wrap it up tomorrow...) I am pretty damn close, and that's a win in my book! I have two things left to do: first I need to decide if I'm going to keep the exterior paint colors (currently a combo of dark purple and magenta) or swap one of the colors out for something like a plain "base" (such as brick). After that I just have to... *gulps*...playtest it (yes I am shuddering and crying profusely. Ask your god to give me mercy). TLDR: I will probably post this lot by Monday at the latest, so keep an eye out for it!

One last thing!!! I promised it would be extremely DLC-lite... and it is!!! It uses less DLCs than every single one of my shell builds. Woohoo! Goal met!

Okay, I'm officially done talking now! If you read all of my rambling... you have my undying love and appreciation. You are also probably entitled to financial compensation for your time (note: we at B.B.R.U.* are not taking cases and claims at the moment, unfortunately). But might I say that you are cooler than the other side of the pillow? 😎 Hopefully that will suffice.

Byeeeee friends! ❤

*B.B.R.U. stands for "Broke Bitches R Us," in case you were wondering. It's my company and I'm the CEO, bless

[bjfinn]

MOTHER'S DAY

"Mom???"

"It's so good to see you again, Pumpkin," Emily said. "I've missed you."

Lydia jumped up and threw her arms around her mother, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Oh, God, Mom! " she exclaimed, laughing and crying at the same time. "I've missed you so much! I -- I ... oh, God! "

Emily hugged her tightly, and then she held the girl at arm's length. "I'm back."

Lydia sniffed loudly. "But ... how? "

"I -- I don't know," Emily replied, shaking her head.

"Are you ... are you real? " But Lydia knew the answer -- she'd felt the warm of her mother's touch, the beating of her heart. Emily Deetz was back. In the flesh.

Then a thought occurred.

"Beej," Lydia said. "It was Beej. He brought you back. Somehow." Ghost zombie Jesus, indeed.

At the sound of his name, Beej appeared. "Hey, Lyds!" he said, grinning. "What's going ---" He stopped, eyes wide, gaping comically at the woman standing beside his BFFFF. "Holy crap! "

"Beej!" Lydia exclaimed, grinning happily. "You did it! Thank you so much!"

The demon shut his mouth and shook his head. "N-no," he replied. "No, I didn't do this. I'm don't know how it happened, but it wasn't me."

Lydia's brows furrowed. "If it wasn't you ... then how --" She looked back and forth between them in confusion.

"I don't know," Beej said. "I don't think this has ever happened before."

He stepped up to Emily, eyes narrowing in suspicion. "Who are you really? "

"Beej!" Lydia chided. "It's my mom -- I know it's her! I can feel it."

The demon sniffed at Emily like a dog. "You don't smell like a demon," he said at last. He shook his head. "No, you're not a demon, or a ghost -- you're a breather. You're really Lydia's mom?" he asked.

Emily nodded.

"I don't get it," Beej said. "I mean ... why you? Why are you the only breather who gets to come back? What's so special about you? "

"I don't know," Emily replied.

Beej shook his head again, trying to process. "Well," he said. "This sure complicates things."

"What do you mean?" Lydia asked.

"Dee," came the reply. "She's married to your dad now, remember?" His hair turned purple. "You get your mom back, but I'm gonna lose mine."

Lydia's face fell. "I ... I'm sorry," she said. "I hadn't thought of that."

"Beej," Emily told him. "I'm not going to make Delia go away -- I don't want to disrupt anything. I don't know why I came back, but I'm sure it wasn't for that. I just want to be part of my daughter's life -- for as long as I can. You won't lose Delia because of me, I promise."

He looked down at the floor, unconvinced. She put a finger under his chin and gently lifted it, raising his gaze. "You've been a very good friend to Lydia," she told him. "And you're a part of this family now -- a very important part."

The side of Beej's mouth twitched.

Lydia put her arms around him. "You're my best friend," she told him. "More than that -- you're my big brother. You're not going anywhere, and neither is Delia."

Beej smiled tentatively. "You mean it?"

Lydia nodded and gave him a playful punch on the arm. "Yeah, you big dweeb!" she replied.

"Okay," the demon said, grinning happily, his hair green once more. "Uh ... what are we gonna tell Chuck and Dee?"

*****

"Lydia -- Pumpkin -- what do you mean Emily's back?"

"It's true, Daddy -- Mom came back," Lydia replied. "I don't know how, and I don't know why, but she came back from the dead."

"Lydia," Charles said, shaking his head ruefully. "People don't return from the dead -- it's just not possible."

"After everything that's happened -- after meeting Beej -- how can you be sure?

'There are more things in Heaven and Earth', and all that."

Charles took a breath, held it for a moment and then let it out. "Good point."

"Who's to say what's possible and what isn't?" Delia said. "Maybe Lydia's grief was so strong that ... something took pity on her and decided to do something about it." She looked at Lydia. "Are you sure it wasn't Beej?"

"He says it wasn't," Lydia replied. "And I believe him -- he was shocked when he saw my mom standing there."

"Uh ... where is your mother now?" Charles asked.

"She's waiting in my room -- I wanted to prepare you before you saw her." She went over to her bedroom door and opened it. "Okay, Mom," she said.

Charles and Delia both gasped when Emily came out of Lydia's room, Beej following.

"Hi, Charles," she said. "Miss me?"

Charles jumped up and raced over to her, and he gathered her into his arms. Tears began to spill down his cheeks. "Emily," he breathed. "Emily -- it really is you." He released her and smiled. "You look just like I remember."

He looked over at Delia. "Emily," he said. "This is Delia -- my, uh ..."

"Your wife," Emily finished, smiling. "I know. I'm glad you found someone else." To Delia she said, "It's a pleasure to meet you, Delia. I want to thank you for everything you're doing for Charles and Lydia. And I want you to know that I don't want to take your place in this family -- you're Charles' wife and Lydia's step-mother. That won't change, I promise you."

"Th-thank you," Delia said. "It's nice to finally meet you, Emily."

"I understand that you've become a mother of sorts to Beej, as well."

Delia nodded. "We've become very close," she replied. "Uh ... have you met Adam and Barbara? They're the former owners of our house."

"They're ghosts," Beej said. "We all live here together."

Emily's eyes widened. "Really? Well, that's certainly --"

"Strange and unusual?" Lydia quipped. "Yeah, you could say that."

"I'll call 'em," Beej said. "BABS! SEXY! COME AND MEET LYDIA'S MOM!"

A moment later, the Maitlands came running down the stairs. They stopped short when they saw Emily.

"Oh, my God!" Barbara exclaimed, covering her mouth with both hands.

"How did --" Adam began.

"Who knows?" Beej said with a shrug. "Who cares? Point is, Lydia got her mom back! And we're all gonna be one great big happy family!"

*****

"How do you feel about Emily being back?" Delia asked the next morning.

Beej shrugged. "I'm happy for Lyds," he said. "She seems like a nice person."

"But?"

Beej sighed. "I mean, what if she and Chu-- Dad -- decide they wanna be together again? What happens to you? You're gonna leave ... and I don't wanna lose you -- you're my mom."

"Oh, honey -- that's not going to happen," Delia reassured him. "Emily said she doesn't want to come between me and Charles, and Charles isn't the kind of man to do that. He believes in the sanctity of marriage. And neither of them would want to put Lydia through that.

"And besides," she said, giving him a hug, "we don't know if her being back is permanent yet." She looked at him. "Do ... do you know?"

The demon shook his head. "No," he told her. "I never heard of anything like this happening before." He paused. "I hope it is permanent -- it'll kill Lydia to lose her mom a second time."

*****

"Are you and Daddy going to get back together?"

"Like I said, I have no intention of coming between your father and Delia."

"Good," Lydia said. "I mean, I'm really happy you're back and I hope it's for good, but I don't like the idea of my mother being the other woman, you know?"

Emily smiled. "Neither do I."

"And besides, Delia and Beej have become really close -- she's kind of his new mom now, ever since he came back after killing Juno."

"Who's Juno?"

"She was his real mom," Lydia told her. "She was a demon, and she hated him. She was always so mean to him. And when she crashed our wedding --"

"What?"

"It was a green card thing -- Beej needed somebody to marry him so he could become human. Anyway, she tried to take us all to Hell, but he killed her and saved all of us. Then he went to find his father, and when he came back a few months later, we all ... kind of adopted him -- especially Delia."

"I see."

"Yeah, so it'd kill him if she left -- and he's my best friend. And my big brother now. I don't want him to get hurt."

"Well," Emily said, "you have nothing to worry about -- I promise."

*****

Over the next few days, Emily settled into the family -- but there was a bit of awkwardness with Charles.

"Charles," she said, "I think we need to talk about ... the situation."

He took a deep breath. "I suppose you're right."

"First, let me assure you that I have absolutely no intention of disrupting your new life with Delia -- she's your wife now, and I respect that."

"I'm glad to hear that," he replied. "I still love you, and I always will, but ..."

"Good," she said. "I mean, I'm glad we're on the same page."

"Besides, it wouldn't be good for Lydia -- she's been through enough."

"Yes, she has," Emily agreed. "But you've done a wonderful job with her."

Charles shook his head ruefully. "No, I haven't," he told her. "In fact, I almost ruined everything. After you died, I thought the best thing to do would be not to talk about you -- I thought it would make both of us feel worse. I couldn't see that talking about you, reminiscing about you, was exactly what she needed.

"And I hired Delia to be Lydia's life coach because I thought she was wallowing in her grief -- but I was the reason she was wallowing. I pushed her away, and she very nearly killed herself because of it. If it hadn't been for BJ ..." He shook his head again. "That demon was more of a help to her than her own father."

"You made some mistakes," Emily said. "Everybody does. But you thought you were doing the right thing -- that's all anyone can do. And you were struggling with your own grief, so don't be too hard on yourself."

"You always did know how to make me feel better," he conceded, smiling. "Welcome back, Emily."

*****

"Lydiaaa!!! " Beej wailed. "Why didn't you tell me about Mother's Day???"

"Sorry -- it didn't occur to me that you didn't know about it."

"How many holidays do you breathers have, anyway?"

"Lots."

He scowled comically. "Great. So how do we celebrate this one?"

"By showing our mothers how much we love and appreciate them."

"Okay, uh ... I don't know how to do that."

"It's not as much work as Christmas," she assured him. "I always used to get my mom some flowers and make her breakfast in bed, and we'd spend the day together."

"Flowers, breakfast, spend the day together -- got it. Uhh ... how much time do we have?"

"It's tomorrow."

"Tomorrow??? How are we gonna do all that in time for tomorrow???"

"Relax," Lydia said, laughing. "We'll go get the flowers this afternoon, and we'll do a brunch instead of breakfast." She stopped. "We should include Barbara, too -- she's been like a mom to both of us, and Mother's Day would probably be a little hard on her since she had a miscarriage."

"Yeah," Beej agreed. "Sometimes I feel bad for her and Adam."

*****

"Happy Mother's Day!"

Emily, Delia and Barbara, seated at the dining room table as Lydia had instructed, turned to see the teenager and her adopted ghost-demon brother enter -- each bearing a tray of brunch dishes.

"Oh, my!" Barbara exclaimed. "What is all this?"

"Pancake tacos, sun-dried tomato, mushroom and spinach tofu quiche, morning glory muffins," Lydia replied with a smile. "Also kiwi-mango-pineapple smoothies ... and mimosas, of course."

"I made those," Charles said from the doorway.

"This is wonderful!" Emily said. "Thank you both!"

"And it's all vegan," Beej added. "So my mom can have it, too. Don't worry, though," he added, "it all tastes good -- I tried everything, just to make sure."

Delia smiled warmly at her adopted ghost-demon son. Thank you, she mouthed. "There's so much food!"

Barbara picked up her mimosa glass. "Here's to our weird and wonderful family!" she said.

*****

Once brunch was over, Adam and Charles did the dishes while Delia, Barbara and Emily finished their mimosas in the living room.

"What do you guys wanna do today?" Lydia asked.

"Would anyone be interested in a little yoga?" Delia suggested.

"Oh, that sounds like fun!" Barbara said. "I always wanted to take up yoga."

"Me, too," Emily chimed in. "I never got around to it before."

"Do you guys want to join us?" Delia asked Lydia and Beej.

"Yoga?" Lydia said doubtfully. "I don't think so ..."

"Ah, come on!" Beej cajoled. "It's fun -- you get to twist yourself into a pretzel!"

Lydia chuckled at that. "Well ... okay, I guess one time won't kill me. Let me go get changed." She headed to her room and closed the door.

"BJ and I have been doing yoga as part of his therapy," Delia explained to Emily.

"Therapy?"

"To help him, uh ... integrate better into life with people."

"Hey!" Beej said, scowling.

"Sorry -- the living," she corrected herself. "After all, demons are people, too."

Beej grinned. "We also do other things," he said. "My favourite is art therapy. Afterwards I'll show you my drawings. Uh ... if you want."

"I'd like that," Emily told him.

Beej grinned shyly, his hair turning bright green. "Babs is teaching me pottery and Adam's teaching me woodworking, Chuck takes me birdwatching, Lyds gave me her old camera ... and Dewey's teaching me music -- I can play along by tuning into somebody else's thoughts when they play, but he's teaching me how to play on my own."

"Sounds like they're keeping you very busy!" Emily said, smiling.

"Yeah, it's exhausting!" the demon replied. He blew out his cheeks in an exaggerated sigh. Then he smiled. "It's fun, though."

So Dewey's a musician?"

"Yeah, he's the best! He was gonna be a big rockstar, but ... well, he got kicked out of his band. Now he teaches music at a fancy private school in Staten Island."

"Okay," Lydia said, reappearing. She had changed into a t-shirt and a pair of yoga pants that Delia had given her when Charles had first hired her to be the girl's life coach. "I'm ready for yoga."

"You kept them," Delia said, smiling.

"I just hadn't gotten around to getting rid of them yet," Lydia replied, rolling her eyes. "But I gotta admit, they are kinda comfy."

*****

"So?" Delia asked Lydia. "What do you think of yoga now?"

Lydia gave her a sidelong glance. "Yeah, okay ... I didn't hate it."

Delia hugged her, squealing with delight. "I knew you'd love it if you just gave it a chance!"

"I didn't say I loved it."

"But you will!" Delia said, booping the girl on the nose. Lydia rolled her eyes.

The doorbell rang. "I'll get it," Delia said.

"No, let me," Lydia told her. She and Beej returned a moment later, their arms laden with flowers -- white lilies, pink carnations, yellow mums, blue irises. With a flourish they presented the blossoms to the three women.

"Oh!" Emily exclaimed. "These are beautiful!"

"I'll get something to put them in," Barbara said and headed for the kitchen. She returned with three vases, and she and the others began arranging the flowers while Beej looked on -- his experience with flowers was limited to eating them.

Thank you so much, both of you!" Delia said, hugging Lydia and Beej. Emily hugged them as well, and then Barbara.

"And thank you for including me, even though ..."

"You've been a mother to both me and Beej," Lydia told her. "Any kid would have been lucky to have you as their mom. I'm sorry you never got the chance -- you and Adam would've made awesome parents."

Barbara shrugged ruefully. "I guess it just wasn't meant to be." Then she smiled. "Maybe we didn't get the family we wanted, but we got the family we needed."

"Be right back," Beej said.

"Where are you --" Lydia began, but he'd already disappeared.

The demon returned a moment later, a sheaf of papers in his hands. "Wanna see my art?" he asked Emily, a look of pride on his face.

She nodded, and he handed the small stack of drawings to her. She looked at each in turn -- they were much better than she would've expected. "These are really good!" she said. "I can't believe you've only been drawing for a few months."

Beej grinned broadly, his hair blushing pink as he bit his lip. "Thanks," he said.

"He's a natural," Delia agreed.

"Show my mom your photos," Lydia suggested.

He disappeared again, and returned with a photo album. Then he brought the small collection of pottery pieces he'd made, followed by some examples of his woodworking.

"I never would've thought that a demon could be so creative -- and have so much talent in so many different areas," Emily said. "I guess there's more to your kind than meets the eye."

"Nah," he demurred. "I'm ... different from most demons. I got bullied a lot when I was a kid, because I'm a halfbreed."

"I'm sorry to hear that, Beej," Emily told him. "But at least now you have people who love you and care about you."

*****

For dinner, Charles had ordered from Winter River's finest restaurant -- the same one that had catered their first dinner party.

"Don't worry," he said. "No shrimp cocktails or suckling pig this time."

"Yeah, we're still sorry about that," Adam said.

"Don't be," Charles replied. "The Deans loved it. Of course, they always were a bit off. But I have to admit it was rather fun -- rather frightening, but fun."

When the delivery arrived, the three women sat at the dining room table while the others transferred the food to serving platters and brought them to the table. A wedge salad starter with Italian dressing, followed by a chateaubriand roast au jus, accompanied by sautéed baby carrots, petits pois, asparagus and mashed potatoes, and for Delia a harissa-spiced butternut squash half with maple drizzle.

"This looks amazing!" Delia gushed. "That roast looks absolutely sumptuous!" She looked around sheepishly. "Would ... would anyone mind if I ... had a taste? It's just that it's been so long since I had meat ... I'm wondering if it's still as good as I remember."

With a chuckle, Charles carved her a couple of slices and drizzled them with the jus.

Delia used her knife and fork to cut a piece and tentatively brought it to her lips. She put it in her mouth and began to chew, and then she let out a moan.

"Oh, my God, that's SOOO good! " She cut another piece. "You don't know how good this is after all those years of eating brown rice and tofu!" She looked up then, a look of embarrassment on her face. "I mean, I love vegan food -- there's so much more to it than that. But ..."

"It's all right," Charles said, smiling at his wife. "No one is judging you. It's entirely up to you whether you still want to be a vegan or not."

She smiled, still a bit embarrassed. "I -- I'll think about it."

*****

"This has been a wonderful Mother's Day," Emily said. "I'm very glad that I got to come back for it -- whoever, or whatever is responsible."

"Do you think you're back for good?" Lydia asked.

"I don't know, Pumpkin," came the reply. "I hope so." She stood up and pushed her chair in, then suddenly she reeled slightly.

The others rose from their seats, alarmed. Charles put his arm out for Emily to steady herself on.

"Mom?" Lydia said , worried. "Mom, what's wrong?"

"I ... I don't know -- I feel ... dizzy. Tired. Like before -- like the first time."

Lydia lifted her mother's hand and placed two fingers on Emily's wrist. The pulse was weak and thready. "Mom. No, not again -- please."

"I'm sorry, baby," Emily said. "I ... I guess my coming back was only temporary."

"No!" Lydia cried. "There must be something we can do, some way --"

"Something ... something is pulling me back," she said.

"No! " Beej exclaimed, his hair flashing crimson. "No! " He looked up at the ceiling, his face a mask of rage. "NO!!!" he roared. "I WON'T LET YOU TAKE HER AWAY!!! YOU LEAVE HER ALONE, YOU BASTARDS!!!"

Lydia stood up and went over to him. "Beej," she said, putting a hand on his shoulder.

He shrugged it off roughly. "No!" he said angrily. "It's not fair! " He looked up again. "WHY LET HER COME BACK IF SHE CAN'T STAY??? HUH??? ANSWER ME, YOU COWARDS!!! WHY??? "

"BJ," Charles said quietly.

"YOU FUCKERS!!! I'LL FIND A WAY TO BRING HER BACK FOR GOOD!!! " the demon roared at the heavens. "EVEN IF I HAVE TO DESTROY EVERYTHING!!! MY BEST FRIEND IS GONNA GET HER MOM BACK -- OR ELSE!!! "

"Beej, no," Lydia told him firmly. "Don't."

He looked at her, equal measures of rage and pain in his expression. ''But ... RRRAAAAHHHH! " he snarled in helpless fury. He took a deep breath, and then another, and another. "I'm calm, I'm calm," he said, as much to convince himself as anyone else. "Okay ... yeah, I'm good." He smiled awkwardly at Lydia, and then he looked up again. Biting his lip, he angrily raised both middle fingers and waved them around at the ceiling.

He blew out his cheeks in a loud sigh.

"It's all right, Beej," Emily said. "I got to come back and spend a bit more time with my family -- that's more than anyone else gets."

"Yeah,'' the demon replied. "But now everyone has to go through the grief and pain of losing you a second time." He went over to Emily and sat on the bed beside her. "I promise," he said, taking both of her hands in his, "if there is a way to bring you back for good, I'll find it.

"After I killed my ... my real mom, when I came back here ... they let me. They made me a part of their family, and Dee became my mom. And then you came back, and you're like a mom to me, too. You're my family, Ems -- just like Chuck and Dee and Lyds and Babs and Se-- I mean Adam. And you didn't get to meet my brother Dewey! You gotta meet him -- and his girlfriend Rosalie! And ... and my friend Alex -- she lives in Rhode Island! And Pac, too -- he's Dewey's friend! And ... and lots of other people, too!" He wiped his nose with the sleeve of his jacket. "I know we've only known each other for a few days, but I ... I love you."

"I love you, too, Beej," Emily told him.

"So I'm gonna find a way," he said.

She smiled at him. "I have no doubt that you will," she replied. "Lydia? Come here, Pumpkin."

Lydia sat down beside her mother. Emily hugged her tightly. "I love you, and I'm so proud of you. You'll always be my baby." She looked up at Charles and Delia. "I'm so happy that you two have found each other. I'll always love you, Charles, and I'll always be grateful to you, Delia.

"Adam? Barbara? The two of you are wonderful people -- it's a real tragedy that you passed on before you could have children. But I'm glad that you're here for my daughter.

"And Beej," she said. "You are ... one of a kind." She laughed softly. "Who would've thought that a demon could be such a good friend? You know, I think that you might just be the best thing that could've happened to this family -- if you hadn't come along, Lydia ... well, you know. You saved her life that night on the roof. And you've saved everyone's life a couple of times since."

Beej looked down at the floor, grinning sheepishly. "I guess," he said, scuffing the floor with his shoe.

"And for that, I owe you my eternal gratitude." She sighed heavily. "I-I think it's time for me to go now. Take care of each other ..."

"Mom?"

"Goodbye, Lydia -- always remember that I love you."

And with that, Emily closed her eyes and breathed her last.

"Nooooooo! " Lydia wailed. "Mom, pleeease! Don't go!"

She grabbed Beej and hugged him fiercely, burying her face in his chest, and he held her tightly as she sobbed, his own face contorted with agony.

Charles and Delia held one another, weeping softly, and the Maitlands cried in each other's arms.

"I meant what I said," Beej told Lydia. "I'll find a way to bring your mom back. Nothing will stop me," he added softly, his eyes glowing with demonic fire.

[whattraintracks]

Grudge Match – vibrating I am so excited for this episode

“collect Michelangelo” idk why but this word choice is sending me 

ouch this tension between all of them (Raph getting in Leo's face about his attitude; Mikey avoiding training) is hitting really close to home

portals once again proving to be bad news for turtles

gosh I will never get over how Raph will flip a switch from yelling at a brother to defending him in an instant

Kluh’s like a rematch? nah I just want him dead

actually, Kluh and Ammag make an interesting parallel to Karai and Shredder

Don: Man, it stinks to be you :D

Raph: This is the best day of my life!

guys pleeeeeeeease

Splinter’s pizza with pepperoni and karma, I cannot

his statue!! every time I think about the three generations of Hamato in the pavilion of past champions I get a little teary-eyed

oh, shoot! I did not expect to actually cry about Leo and the Daimyo’s Son!

just just just Leo facing an enemy who tried to kill him specifically and hurt his family multiple times

but instead of dismissing or hating this kid, he is for the first time in a while dorky, unsure, kind Leo again

excuse you, how am I supposed to emotionally recover from this?? 😭😭😭

I sense some foul play in this joint 

“we still talking about me here?” astute as always Michelangelo

Mikey's persistent ‘get me out of here!’ is really showcasing how for him the championship was less about being the best and more about wanting attention from his family

which I totally understand

Raph is straight-up stimming he is so excited about Mikey’s fight

you Can Not tell me Ue hasn’t been following Leo around like a duckling

you know I would read the heck out of a fic about Leo and his emotional support child

barbarians! what's a barbarian? non-romans, said the romans, being invaded by non-romans.

okay, yeah, Don and Raph's glee and Mikey's panic make more sense given they fully expect Mikey won’t get too hurt because of the safety spells but Mikey forgot about them

it's unfortunate that uh those spells no longer exist

no!! leave Ue alone!

ooh forgot how good the Battle Nexus music theme is

look at my boy go!!!!

sure enough, they're all immediately freaked when those safety spells didn’t take effect

love how expressive Raph’s body language is, he is all in

fascinated by the three father-son duos at odds with each other here (Ammag and Kluh v Splinter and Mikey v Daimyo and Ue)

HOLY CRAP HE’S SO COOL

HE’S HOLDING ONE NUNCHUCK WITH HIS FOOT!!!!!!!!!!

have I mentioned lately how much I love Mikey and Splinter's match in Big Brawl? because it feels relevant to bring it up now

Splinter passing on their legacy means so much to me and I really love how the Battle Nexus sort of became a Splinter and Mikey thing

and it's really cool to see how the Battle Nexus drives home some of Splinter’s lessons for Mikey

point is Mikey’s “my father taught me better than that” is a perfect way to end the rematch and the various father-son conflicts

those are some flamboyant, glowy costumes and weapons you boys've got on

“I’m gonna have to move out.” Raph's just like me fr. I'm pretty sure I said that exact statement to my mother growing up (probably about doing chores but that’s neither here nor there)

as easy as it would be to take Don and Raph’s whining the wrong way it really was just played for laughs and I'm surprisingly okay with that

I'm still gonna read a bunch of hurt/comfort fics about this but yeah

[zombiecicada]

Flare: day four of sticking my dad’s things to the ceiling. Today, the tv remote.

Flare: to everyone saying I should stick myself to the ceiling, it has to be something he would actually look for.

-

Flare, finger gunning: you can’t spell autism without ‘u’ and ‘i’!

-

Flare: alone on a Friday night? God, you’re pathetic.

-

Flare: the devil whispered in my ear “you’re not strong enough to withstand the storm.”

Flare: I whispered back “at least I didn’t lose my golden fiddle to some hillbilly from Georgia.”

-

Some kidnapper: I’ve invited you here because I crave the deadliest game...

Flare, calmly nodding: Knife Monopoly.

The kidnapper: I was actually going to play Russian roulette, but now I'm really interested in whatever knife Monopoly is.

-

Flare: I love French’s version of ADHD, it’s TADA. Sorry I can’t sit still, TADA.

-

Flare: yeah, I suppose I could be more mature and responsible.

Flare: but the truth is, the amount of serotonin I get from being a rational person pales in comparison to being an ✨unhinged disaster✨

-

Flare: I don’t have road rage. I have road revenge. I’m gonna follow this guy who just cut me off home and post his house for open house every weekend for the rest of the year.

-

Flare: this might sting a little.

*chucks an entire box of bees at someone*

-

Flare: You’re talking a lot of crap for someone with a perfectly flammable house.

-

Flare: I am real tempted to fill one of my pockets with glitter, and then whenever someone says something painfully dumb I can reach into my pocket with a deadpan expression and release upon them a shower of glitter over their head like a baptism of stupid.

-

Flare: if being cool was a crime, I’d be in jail.

Flare: not because I’m cool, but because I mauled someone!

-

Flare: someone made my best friend cry, do da do da!

Flare, grabbing a shovel: that someone is gonna die, oh do da da day!

-

Flare: I now identify as a threat. My pronouns are now try/me.

-

Shapeshifter: *transforms to look like Flare*

Flare: Okay, are you like BLIND? You look nothing like me. First off, I'm way taller. Secondly, I DO NOT look so sleep deprived and lastly, if you could drag comb through that hair you're like a 7 on a good day and I've been told I'm a constant 10.

-

Flare: The next time you’re mad at someone, don’t see something mean or shitty! Just remind them that it only takes 20 CCs of air injected directly into a main artery for their heart to spasm, skip a few beats, and die.

Flare:

Flare: oh and make sure to make direct eye contact!

-

Flare: *spins around in chair ominously* I’ve been expecting y- *chair continues to spin* shit *tries to stop spinning* shit *tries to grab a table to stop spinning* sHIT *falls out of chair*

-

Flare: If I'm extra sarcastic with you it probably means I'm flirting with you or you really annoy me and I can't handle your crap... have fun figuring out which one.

-

Flare: Pros and cons of dating me.

Flare: Pros. You'll be the cute one.

Flare: Cons. Holy shit, where do I begin-

[whosname]

Looks like no one needs me in this company today, so let's finish Samumenco, come with me!

----------

Gods, the second opening is fucking great. I love Spyair and everything but I like the second one more.

Holy crap! Sawada Haiji!!! talking about tone shifts. Love that they're looking into the most complicated answers.

[head in my hands] GOTOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

oh, this is fucked up

----------

IT'S THE POWER OF LOOOVE, SAMUMENCOOOOOO!!!!!!

GOTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

---------

[head in my hands crying] GOOOOOOOOOTTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh the episode's name wasn't a metaphor

uh oh

UH!!!!

...aaaaah, the power of love...

----------

right, right, i think i'm gonna lie down for a second