#I'm genuinely unhappy

[queerhellion]

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuaaaaaaaaaggggghh

[humming-fly]

Delighted to discover that the way shadow unlocks new abilities in sxsg is a perfect parallel of the pringles iron maiden

[hippolotamus]

tagged by the lovely and talented @daffi-990 (new chapter!) @mountedeverest @wikiangela (be sure to check out their things) and various other people through the week. Brain did not wish to write this week, but I put together some unexpected words on a thing that's been bothering me in S7 😅 anyway, have some of Eddie's complicated mental gymnastics. (and I did another lil thing earlier but didn't tag everyone because i know not everyone likes BuckTommy but if it interests you...)

As much as Eddie gave Buck hell about Natalia, about dating someone from a call, he easily categorizes Marisol separately. Because Eddie is good at that, at making different mental compartments for sorting the things he needs to. Things like work (people they saved, people they lost), Christopher (school, growing up, friend circles), his time in the army, family (his sisters, abuela, Pepa, his parents, safe topics of conversation). Even one for himself (father, son, brother, husband, widower, firefighter). Needless to say, it’s an extensive list. A well practiced method that allows him to say ‘Marisol from the hardware store’, not ‘Marisol from the 911 call’, without feeling guilty or like he’s lying.  Other than the convenience of a half truth, he was genuinely pleased to run into her there. She’s pleasant, helpful. There’s something kind of adorable about her overalls and the way her hair is pulled into a messy ponytail. Something that makes her a little less intimidating and a lot easier to talk to. Like he doesn’t have to perform or put on an act. He can just be a guy trying to figure out the right adhesive for his son’s school project.  It’s a nice role to slip into. Easy. Simple. Easier still to justify having Chris there when he calls Marisol to ask her out.  That all comes screeching to a halt when he picks her up for their date. They're only supposed to be going for a casual dinner and movie. He chose a black button up shirt, the sleeves rolled up on his forearms, and one of his nicer pairs of dark jeans. What he considers a respectable yet casual look. Marisol opens the door to greet him and something in his brain goes offline. Not for any of the typical reasons people usually get thrown off. But when has his brain ever acted the way it’s supposed to? It’s not- she’s not unattractive or off putting. Necessarily. But she’s… girly, soft, feminine. Her hair falls around her shoulders, slightly curled at the ends, and she’s applied enough makeup to be noticeable but not too much. She’s wearing a short-sleeved olive green dress that falls to mid-thigh and strappy heels.  Several of the neatly arranged boxes in Eddie’s head, with their partitions and labels, tumble together, spilling and jumbling their contents with another unmarked box full of thoughts he’d like to pretend he doesn’t know exists.

@actuallyitsellie @epicbuddieficrecs @loveyouanyway @a-noble-dragon @tizniz

@fortheloveofbuddie @weewootruck @saybiwithme @bidisasterevankinard @shipperqueen6

@ramonaflow @taketheplanspinitsideways @spotsandsocks @dangerpronebuddie @theotherbuckley

@stereopticons @kitteneddiediaz @mrs-f-darcy @diazsdimples @drowsy-quill

@your-catfish-friend @thekristen999 @filet-o-feelings @underwaterninja13 @lizzie-bennetdarcy

@rainbow-nerdss @steadfastsaturnsrings @queenmabcreates @inell @jesuisici33

@bucksbiawakening @shortsighted-owl @queerbuckleys @bi-buckrights

@elvensorceress @giddyupbuck @hoodie-buck @indestructibleheart @ladydorian05

@lemonzestywrites @monsterrae1 @statueinthestone @slightlyobsessedwitheverything @the-likesofus

@thewolvesof1998 @watchyourbuck @wildlife4life and anyone else who wants to 😘

[asmo-cosmetics]

a lot of the characterization in the arcana is wildly wrong but perhaps the most glaringly obvious bit is that asra would be irreconcilably jealous and heartbroken that he's not the one you want to be with in every other route but especially lucio's (hates him) and julian's (still in love with both of you)

[guinevereslancelot]

decided to leave my job and i'm gonna fr gonna cryyyyy

[look-at-the-stars-tonight]

i would like to stop experiencing the full spectrum of human emotions every day please. putting this out into the universe

[shinraelectricpowercom]

Current Events in Silm fandom rlly reinforce my feeling that, despite claiming an ethos of acceptance/tolerance of anything that doesn't hurt ppl, a lot of ppl in the section of Silm fandom I frequent do follow a set of socially-agreed-upon mores about what concepts are "not acceptable" to discuss or propose (or the ways in which certain topics must be discussed to be acceptable), that you all seem to have agreed on despite the things those mores restrict not being harmful to anyone.

And when someone does say smth that violates those mores, the response is disproportionate to the amount of harm done (which is typically none, imo). I know it's tempting to say "but we just want people to be comfortable and safe", but treating ppl badly for the sin of sharing thoughts you dislike is NOT the same as preventing people from doing things that are harmful. The former is much more of a harmful behavior than the sharing of the thoughts that sets it off. Fannish etiquette, people: you shouldn’t act like someone’s meta makes them morally suspect just because you disagree with it; save the “this is morally bad” for things that are ACTUALLY harmful. We're all stuck on this website together & if you want to have any sort of community, you need to ACT like you're in a community, and that means letting other people say things you dislike. Block them if you need to! I block people all the time because i know it's better for me AND for them if we can both blog in peace.

I am not particularly comfortable with the young-queer-on-tumblr silm fandom rn due to this tendency to rebuke things that are uncomfortable rather than harmful. Maybe that's fine with you. But if your goal is to make all fans feel comfortable and accepted, you need to actually do that. If your goal is to make people who share your unwritten rules comfortable in your space, you need to admit that, and write those rules down, and curate your space so it follows them.

Edited 8:10am PST to clarify the specifics of the behavior I find concerning.

[aq2003]

there comes a beautiful time in life where i have to ask myselg th question, "did i accidentally project too hard onto the character that i only relate to a little bit and in doing so hugely missed this one entire aspect/interpretation of the characters . am i stupid"

[pendragora]

Our fandom whines about the lack of nuance and critical thinking, but then fails to comprehend the complexity of human emotion when it comes to seeing something you like being ruined or executed poorly

[memento-mariii]

Villainess isekai as horror: your identity, your autonomy, your very own body is stolen and puppeteered by some unseen foreign entity. Not only do your loved ones fail to notice the change, they seem to genuinely prefer the copycat over the real you. Your entire existence was overwritten in a matter of seconds, and the worst part is, the world seems objectively better off for it.

[vocalsynths]

I genuinely don't know if I have maladaptive or immersive daydreaming. All I know is that I am currently avoiding doing Important Life Social Things because I want to daydream.

[mirillel]

Miscellaneous leftover ramen stir fry

[monster-noises]

I have the Damnably hardest time telling if my art's ever improved it's Comical. Like there's an early enough point that I can look at and go: "oh yeah I've definitely gotten better Since Then" and when I re-do the same image exactly I can Kinda see it but like.. I saw an artist I love on twitter do an "my art at 14 vs. my art now" (which is just around when that time cut off for Clearly being able to see improvement is) and I was like Oh! I have a Character that would make this Real easy! And pulled this up:

and like objectively I KNooooooow the one on the Right is Better, like I know this I can see it with my eyeballs, but also like

is it?

is it reeeeeally?

cause in my head it doesn't Feel like it looks better/any different, like I don't look at that and go "dang! I've come a long way! look at that!" I just go like "hm.. well... I mean yeah I... mmmm I guess I've.. gotten... beeeetter.. you can Kinda see where this is more solid and... oo... (etc etc)" and this isn't me fishing for compliments, it's just... such a weird phenomenon??? that I don't think I've seen anyone else deal with??? like what the fuck is this? is it some weird severe form of imposter syndrome? is it the fear my art Hasn't improved manifest in some strange sideways thought processes??? Was I Cursed as a Child to never be Satisfied by anything I Do???? it perplexes!

[pinktinselmonstrosity]

are we going to talk about how expensive it is to eat healthily because i feel like i'm losing my mind

[girl-drink-drunk]

i think where i'm at, gender and body image-wise, is that i've realized that looking like the pretty girls would make me hate myself less, but looking like bruce campbell or matt berry would make me love myself

[catboytenya]

being a g1 lore lair but loving imps means you need to either forsake your one lore rule that dragons have to be g1 or you have to fork out every dollar you've ever owned