All respect to Douglas Adams and "never got the hang of Thursdays" but what the fuck is up with Tuesdays
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Grief is so fucked. One minute, you're bopping along to your tunes as you load the dishwasher at one in the morning, and the next, you're crouched down on the kitchen floor, hand still on the closed dishwasher drawer, sobbing to Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls because it dredged up some core foundational memory you'd somehow forgotten about and then you're just fine.
Like wow, golly, that was weird. Anyway... ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ…
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Actually going insane over the implications of Jason asking Dick to be the Robin to his Batman in Battle for the Cowl.
Like I initially took it at the purely surface-level of Jason wanting a partner in the general sense. Which made sense, it's a huge responsibility and a lonely one so an assistant/sidekick/partner seems a no-brainer if you can get one.
But then I really thought about it, because Jason is not asking Dick to be his partner in the general sense; he's not even asking Dick to be his Nightwing. He's asking Dick to be his Robin.
And they both know exactly what Jason means: "Be the light to my darkness. Be the smile to my scowl. Be the hope to my fear. "
He's saying "Be 'Robin'; be the embodiment of Love and Justice and Goodness. Be the exceptional person that you have always been. Be the slightly-less exceptional person that I was when I wore your colors. Be the person that I was in the process of becoming and might have been (or might still be), if only Joker hadn't clipped my wings."
He's saying "I am prepared to become vengeance, become the Night. And I will go further than Bruce ever dared to, because it is what is needed. I will be the necessary evil. But you don't have to be. If Batman is Gotham's curse, Robin has always been its blessing. I will be the brutal punishment to our world, and I am asking you to be its incandescent gift."
He's saying, "Be for me, what we were for Him. Be my anchor, my comfort, my hope. Remind me what it's all for, why it's all worth it. And remind yourself as well."
He's saying "Be 'Robin' again--for both of our sakes."
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here's a fun fact: there were 114 jews in sunderland in 2001 (this was the only year i could find census data); the chances that roy billetted with a jewish family are like. vanishingly small. and i don't think he was canonically intended to be jewish but if there's no jews in a story i will add them (add us), and i really do think there's something about the alienation of growing up jewish away from any sort of jewish community that's very resonant with his arc. because he moves hours away from home and then he loses his grandfather — loses the person who was implied to be his primary caregiver, who had things left to teach him and never got the chance: how to ride a bike, but maybe also how to set a seder plate and build a sukkah and taper off caffeine the week before yom kippur once he's old enough. you can't pick up judaism through osmosis, is the thing, not unless you're around other jews. so he grows up five hours away from home and the school holidays, the holidays from football, never line up with his holidays so he doesn't celebrate; starts to forget what he would have been celebrating, or how. but then he comes back to london and phoebe's shit dad fucks off for good, and his sister decides they're going to raise her jewish. and it's fucking awful, having to learn his own culture from books and from his sister, pushing down the resentment that it's ingrained in her the way it isn't — the way it maybe never will be — in him, but he doesn't want phoebe to grow up feeling the way he did. and so he learns.
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pietà (*major spoilers for st:id! death cw!*) full image below additional spacer.
i like to think that aos bones has an interesting relationship with parenthood...
especially pertaining to his relationship with jim. not that he sees jim as his son, necessarily (i don't think they're deliberately portrayed that way in canon, nor do i headcanon them like that, but honestly fandom is fun because we all have fun in our sandbox, so if anyone happens to see them that way, neat!)
but when you're a parent, and at the same time a parent friend, it's easy to take the path of least resistance when it comes to defining the undefinable relationship you have with this guy you can't seem to live without.
is he your captain? your best friend? your patient? a command prodigy and a tactical genius? a sight for sore eyes? your personal nuisance? the one and only person you can't seem to get rid of, who drags you places you hate and points out everything beautiful to you and beams like he won the lottery when you can't help but grin just a little, who brings the light back into places you forgot could be lit up like the dawn, who saw you at your worst while actively at his own worst, and plopped his fool ass down and decided you were worth fighting for?
and that's a lot of things. especially many when you're fighting tooth and nail to keep his scrap-happy ass intact and also keep an eye on a whole starshipful of people. it's a lot easier to stick to what you know-- whatever is the least risky, the safest option, one that could never possibly backfire and bite you in the ass. sometimes you forget he could see you as anything other than a parent (give or take the friend.) but parenthood goes hand in hand with grief. parenthood has its own set of burdens. but it's easy to put yourself in that box and pretend to forget about all the other boxes, collecting dust in the closet, and sometimes he prods at the closet door with something pleading in his eyes. you pretend not to see that, either.
...you don't take it well, when he dies.
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(remaining panels under the cut for gore + implied noncon)
Test Track AU (T$$ AU Masterlist)
previous /// next (cw: injection)
(suggested by anon! not adding the tag list to this one just in case)
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