#I'm done rambling for now
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Thinking about DP x DC Jason Todd being a revenant again. Here's my scenario. Jason gets called that by some ghost. He's like "what the fuck is that supposed to mean?" He's heard the term before but he doesn't know any actual lore. He googles it. He scrolls past the Leonardo DiCaprio bear movie. He opens the wiki. Sees the words "animated corpse" and gets a chill diwn his spine. He starts reading the first section.
He closes Wikipedia.
That night he has a nightmare that his family buried him, again, this time with precautions. He wakes up in his own grave, full of stones, too heavy to move, to scream.
#CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT THIS#like reading this section in the context of jason is SO HORRIFYING#the idea of someone knowing it was possible for him to come back. to wake up down there. and wanting to keep him there#stay dead. we want you dead. you're too troublesome alive. you're meant to be down there.#so anyways. jason internalizing all this shit and feeling uncomfortable in his own body because he's thinking of it as a corpse#and of himself as haunting a place he doesn't belong#and then meeting danny and danny says 'wow you're a revenant aren't you! The dead so restless they can't bear to stay in their graves'#and he smiles. 'You're amazing. Your will is so strong'#and the Ghost King tells Jason 'You're alive but that doesn't mean you aren't one of mine. I will come for you'#and batman says 'we will keep you safe from that entity and his threats. you don't belong to him'#and jason says 'he didn't mean i was his possession. he said i was his responsibility. he said he would help me if i ever needed him'#and bruce sees the faraway look in his son's eyes and doesn't know what to say#okay I'm done#for now#dp x dc#dpxdc#revenant jason todd#danny phantom#dc#batfam#jason todd#my rambles#my writing
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DID YOU KNOW THAT ANDY SURIANO TALKED ABT YOUR COMIC ON INSTA???????????
YEAH I SAW IT!
really cool!!!!!! nice things were said about my art and story!!!!!! i am so flattered!!!!!!!!!! i am still figuring out how to react to it all!!!
#i most definitely didn't have an anxiety attack for 2 hours after seeing it because i am a human who reacts in normal ways...#<< false statement#i really don't enjoy recieving attention ahajdkkfkgkuj aaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAA#asks#misc asks#i also recieved a really nice dm!! that i hope i replied to in a normal and not cold or too distant kind of way!!#i suck at communication when nervous agsjdklg augh anyway yeah#i feel so silly getting so stressed over things like this o|< it was a cool moment tho#NOT TO OVERSHARE ON THE INTERNET OR ANYTHING. I'M DONE RAMBLING IN THE TAGS NOW
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hold on I'll make this my personality for 3 months
#i cannot get over how phoenix slowly started appreciating apollo throughout aa4#THE END OF AA4 WHERE HE SAYS “THEY'RE IMPORTANT TO ME TOO” TO THALASSA IN CONTEXT OF TRUCY AND APOLLO#I'M CRYING PHOENIX#it took you 2 YEARS to tell him that Yes you believe in him#at least it actually helped apollo here but you really should use your time wisely lmao#(why haven't you told Them they're siblings yet. apollo is out of the fucking country now what have you DONE)#ace attorney#phoenix wright#apollo justice#gattocatto's silly posts#gattocatto's ramblies
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do any other artists feel like. yeah you're a 'good artist' because you draw things that look nice, but like. TECHNICALLY? you're really not great
i really hate that i can recognise that yes, my art is good, but is it VARIED? is it dynamic?? is my anatomy good? is it full of texture and colour theory? do i know how to do This? can i do That? no, not really. and that's quite painful actually
#ramble#yes this is the artist's perspective bs and yes this is anxiety because it's 1am#and yes i'm forever learning and growing but also#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.#drawing my little guys is fun but i am not good enough for the industry right now and that fucking sucks#i really feel like if i walked into a studio with my portfolio right now they would laugh at me#one of those days where i wish i'd done a more useful degree y'know#i'm going back through the phase where i don't know what i'm going to be anymore and it's scary#some days i really want to give it up and never draw again and do something worthwhile because i Know my life would be easier#and i hate that something i love so much makes me feel so hopeless#signs that i should go to bed ^^^^#i will resume my pity party tomorrow
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I've always wanted to learn bookbinding, ever since I was a wee little nerd, but there are a lot of things I've always wanted to learn, and this one has both a daunting upfront materials cost and a daunting upfront research cost. however, my sister is a jewel among siblings and gave me for christmas last year a handy dandy bookbinding manual, a block of good paper, and a little bag of tools.
but I still didn't have a suitable workspace, nor any of the many important tools and materials that she didn't include in her gift. so I just read the manual and pined. until maybe a month ago I got fed up with pining, flattened a cardboard box for a cutting mat, and went to town.
and I'm real proud of myself, so here's me rambling, plus photos!
I went to the thrift store and got glue + some fabric to bind the cover, went to Michaels for a paintbrush (and later went back for a metal ruler lmao it's amazing how useful it is to have a straightedge for cutting the paper), and...could not find material for the cover boards. so I went home and pined some more. but the urges were too strong, so after a couple hours of moping I got a stack of printer paper at the grocery store (I could not bring myself to use the good paper for my first, inevitably weak attempts, I just couldn't do it) and started making a little booklet. which was a great idea, it turned out, since it makes for good practice with cutting the paper, measuring things, punching holes in the signatures, etc.
I have a big box of greeting cards from Michaels, which I used for the covers. it didn't feel like I was making a Real Book, so I got some colored paper from the stationery store and used that for end papers.
so fancy~
galvanized by this success, I ordered a stack of chipboard online to use for cover boards; and once I was confident that I could cut paper without making it look too stupid (getting that straightedge ruler sure helped lol), I made signatures out of the good paper, left them under some heavy books overnight since I don't have a book press, and then punched holes in them! (huzzah for this nice video on getting the holes right)
my sister's gift included good linen thread. it's unwaxed, but after some poking around on r/bookbinding it looks like that just means I'll have to be more careful to avoid tangles and keep good tension. I am fine with this. I can be extra attentive. (I considered just running it over a beeswax candle, but one commenter said if your wax has paraffin in it, it could melt in a hot car, ruining the spine. I can't guarantee my candle is 100% beeswax, I didn't make it, so maybe we just move on.)
I don't have good linen fabric to use for the tapes, but the important part there is that the fabric be thin, sturdy, and not stretchy. the probably-cotton I got from the thrift store fits the bill, so it'll do!
this is a french link stitch, which I got from this exceedingly good tutorial. apparently it's strong enough on its own that for a book of this size, I don't actually need tapes, but I'd already cut the things so eh here we are. and tapes plus french link will make it a stronger binding still (according to a friendly redditor on r/bookbinding), so we carry on.
specifically we carry on to the gluing step. now as I mentioned, I do not have a book press, and you....kinda need one for this step. you need to hold the book block in place with the signatures facing upwards, pressed together hard enough that the glue won't run down between them and stick the pages together (though you do want the glue to get between them just a little, just for like a 16th of an inch). you at least need some clamps and a couple boards to sandwich the book block with.
but you know what? I'm not a professional, this is my first ever book, if it's a little bit off it'll be fine. so we grab all the heaviest books off the bookshelf and improvise.
it's fine! I'm sure it's fine! and just in case it's not, I've tucked a bit of cardboard underneath to catch any glue that drips down so it won't land on the floor. see? I'm prepared! I'm acing this.
and actually, it really was fine. I used clear elmer's glue, applied with a flat paintbrush from the art supplies aisle at Michael's, and frankly I liked the way the flat paintbrush let me slip glue in between the signatures. I did poke around on a couple bookbinding sites to see what kind of glue I should use, and the gist is that although there are better options than this, elmer's glue is perfectly serviceable, and the main downside is it's not archival grade. but I don't need my first bookbinding attempts to last 200 years, that's fine.
the next step is to add the mull. mull is a specific type of fabric – extremely loose-weave linen – and the idea is to paste it down over the spine to essentially hold the tapes and signatures all in place in relation to each other.
but I don't have mull! so I'm using more of the thrift store probably-cotton, because it's thin enough and not really stretchy at all. I'm sure this will be fine too. I painted a layer of glue onto the spine, then left it to dry a bit while I measured and cut the fabric, then painted a generous stripe of glue down the center, where it'll affix onto the spine. then I added a bit more glue to the spine, just to be sure, and pressed the mull into place, rubbing it thoroughly to make sure it's firmly affixed to every signature, with no creases in the fabric or air bubbles beneath it.
honestly I might have overdone it on the glue. I've never done this before, I don't know! I think it's okay, though – I tried not to ever let it become a thick layer, just a slight coating, since the danger of too much glue is that it might crack once dry and weaken the spine.
and now we leave it in the press overnight to dry, and pick up the next step in the morning!
#finx rambles#bookbinding#finx makes stuff#technically this is the second hardcover book I've made#but it's the first I'm making using Approved Techniques™#instead of watching a handful of half-relevant youtube videos and making up the rest#which was fun!#but did mean that once I was done I didn't know where to go from there#and at the time I couldn't find better resources#(I really wanted better youtube videos! just didn't know how to find them idk)#(it was 2020 I was unwell. as I'm sure we all understand)#but now I have an abundance of good sources#and I'm determined
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Almost
#zutara#atla#zuko#avatar the last airbender#katara#zutara fanart#Wip#First page of three is done!!!#Won't be sharing until I have the whole thing but I'm. So. Close!!!!!!!#It's been ages since I started this project omg#But it's worth it#Hopefully I'll get the chance to finish it tomorrow... Won't be making any promises tho#I've missed you guys and I can't wait to share this with you#Anyways I know it's ZK month (and all the content has been WONDERFUL so far) but I won't be participating. Sorry about that.#Working with prompts is such an amazing creative exercise but I know myself good enough to be certain that I'll never get past the first...#... prompt without coming up with seven different AUs and I can't deal with more of those right now lol#Like I've got this Blue Spirit! Katara and Painted Lady! Zuko AU on the works since last week or so. And more lore for the og BS/PL spirits#And also this S3 canon divergence AU... And another one... And another one...#And I need to work on them at my own rhythm otherwise I'll go nuts#So uh#Yeah#Love u all and I hope I'll get to share this one soon (if only to start on yet another comic. I've got ideas for two of them. Yay)#Dema out#(Sorry for the rambling I'm just anxious)#(Don't know why but I stopped caring a long time ago)
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a quick cheat sheet because @meso-mijali was preparing to kill me over the fact that one character's acronym is SQQ and the other's is SQH
#for anyone else that might enjoy this and for meso to reference the next time i'm rambling and she wants to strangle me#done in all of 30secs on a layer of a completely different picture#svsss#doodles#i'm part way through book 3 so these just happen to be the characters i'm talking about the most right now#if i included anymore than this she really would hunt me for sport#meso i love and appreciate the fact that you've tolerated me getting into three separate series with increasingly obscure acronym names
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this was kalim's idea
#they were NOT invited by jamil#it was ace who did#i don't think kalim was even aware of the basketball game until ace invited them#they're giving attention to the guy who doesn't want it and not to the one who DOES want it#[—✦-#-✧ my art#twst art#twisted wonderland#twst#scarabia#jamil viper#kalim al asim#twst yuu#twst yuusona#(💜) yuusha#(💜) scarashackle dish#-✦—]#this was inspired by a webtoon i was reading aajkdsdjskal#i said i was going to take a break#but the little gremlin in my brain said no and i spedrun this piece#then the battery on my stylus finally died while i was drawing and i have zero replacements atm#i think the universe was trying to tell me something#anyways every now and then i try a new style of drawing#and sometimes i'm just pleasantly surprised#like wtf i've never done this before#i love it i should do it more#sorry for rambling in the tags aldjlfjsklfd#twst is rotting my brain
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ONE VERY SPECIAL HAJIME HINATA !!!!!! new year's kisses for the birthday boy :)
#martzipan#hajime hinata#chiaki nanami#nagito komaeda#komahinanami#komahina#hinanami#ok that's all the tags. ERMMM TEEHEE !!! i had fun with this one#which kinda surprises me. bc it's been a while since i've drawn#but. kmhnnm reigns supreme in my head always and forever. my little muses#you can tell i had no clue what typa outfit to put kmda in. but it's ok i got to show off the neck so it's fine <3#there's one specific detail in here that i really enjoyed adding. and i'm curious to see if anyone will notice it#if not it's a treat for me but. potential game for the keen viewers out there#OKAY i'm done rambling now. gonna go do some cooldowns and then Go To Bed bc i have just barely managed to evade a headache#happy new year folks <3
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hotel manager
#zeno's art#i'm not sure if i should tag the show itself as i'm not a fan but i guess its “fan”art so i will#hazbin hotel#charlie hazbin hotel#vivziepop#i was bored and wanted to draw something#my main goal here was to create a design that looked distinct and could (potentially) be moderately easy to animate#of course based on charlie's character i added as many angel images as possible through the hair and bowtie#(i know white on white is a character design sin but i wanted to show the angel wing detail ;w;)#also to express the personality and juxtaposition of a sweet devil her horns are supposed to curve into a heart shape#of course the garterbelts are upside-down/st peters crosses because of her satanic themes#i also tried to go harder into the goat theme but its still subtle i think#i actually think the goat theme is really interesting because of the story of the sheep and the goats in the bible#but i cant remember if it was actually something intended in her original design#i'm not going to draw anyone else so dont even anticipate that#this was basically a cooldown? ok i think i'm rambling now#goodbye#ok edit to say it clearly: i am not a fan of vivziepop or her work. i just wanted to redesign charlie as a cooldown/exercise for fun#because i used to be a fan of the character before i wised up about what vivzie had and has done#and before i matured and noticed the cracks and fundamental flaws in her works#so yea i dont support her at all and this redesign is critical i guess#also the reason why the tag “vivziepop” is there in the first place is so that anyone who has that tag silenced can scroll past#without seeing anything related to her work. in case that clears anything up#its the same reason why i tag “long post” and “food” and the like
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will theo ever be happy
Maybe in another life.
#theo#jack#confusing and alienating everyone who only followed me after i started drawing furries by referencing my old nonfurry character dynamics#but this got me thinking about theo's only happy endings and how they all involve jack...#who i'm not drawing right now. oops. sorry fella#oh theo... see what happens when you're separated from your emotional support tramp#you start committing crimes against nature and people get worried about you#real answer: probably not in amaranthine but who knows WE'RE NO WHERE NEAR FIGURING OUT AN ENDING HAHA#i could ramble for another thousand paragraphs about why he probably won't be happy in amaranthine but to summarize:#1. trying to do crimes against nature for insane reasons#2. only “positive” relationship is an evil parasite who is using and manipulating him#3. only person he talks to about his problems is a dead body#4. no jack to keep him stable... so far. i want to add him to the story but that's a long way off#but if you want to make A version of theo happy you can play our game Wishbone (once it's done...). he's in it because of course he is.#my draws#asks
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Hey, I’m just here to say you’re extremely missed and that, even though there’s probably not much I could say to make any of the bad things less awful, I’m hoping for an easier and gentler future for you soon. Take care, ok?
Oh man, thank you so much for sending this, and I'm sorry it's taken so long to respond (and to the other person who sent me an ask, too—I'm not sure when I'll get to it but please know it was seen and means so much). It has just been. So awful. I won't dump on the public at large everything that's happened, you don't need that novel, but it feels like every day life's falling apart more and more.
Just, seriously, thank you for sending this, and to the couple of people who checked in with chats (again, I'm sorry if I haven't responded yet, spoons are just very limited). There have been a lot of times throughout this where I get overwhelmed by everything going on and some truly horrific people I've met in the fandom and I've considered deleting everything permanently! Very often!!! Tbh I'm still struggling with that VERY intense urge while writing this. I feel so unsafe, and scared, and run down.
And tbh, it's really hard to believe anyone could care about me when I feel so awful and worthless, I feel like it must be an obligation, or I somehow accidentally manipulated people, but I'm trying to cling to that being the brain demons talking. Because I really appreciate the time and effort anyone's taken with me. And I really miss fandom and fun, even if it's weighed down with some significant trauma—I still love the stories and the characters and, most importantly, the amazing people I've met here. Outside of any fandom I've poked around in, the wonderful people I've met matter the most, and I'm trying to cling to that.
I really enjoy talking with everyone, running little projects/events, and for the first time in years actually writing again. (I've been slowly plucking away at that AU I mentioned a few times and I want to start posting for an event this month but! Ahhh!!!) I would like to try and be active again, and I'm so sorry for just being such an absolute goddamn mess. I feel like this is all too much to even say, but I do want to just be honest about all of it. Still, again, thank you so much for reaching out <3 And I'm sorry this is so ridiculously long even though I don't feel like I'm saying much and nothing important, I didn't intend for this answer to be a word-vomit update, just. Things suck, but you guys are good, and I hope things are as okay as you can be on your side of the screen <3
#Ask#shiromouse#Yadda yadda#I feel really bad for even saying all this honestly kasjndkasjdn#I'm really so sorry if this is too much#The guilt has been especially bad since I was... uh baited let's say#A very very bad incident#Done by a 'friend' in the fandom maybe about a year ago now#It's just been so hard to trust and feel okay and exist man#Because you can't forget#It makes it so hard to want to exist#And my house is falling apart my animals keep getting sick#I swear it's something new every day#ANYWAY time to stop rambling#I'm gonna try to restart the queue in the next few days I just still feel... overwhelmed#That's why I stopped it#I just couldn't stand existing#BUT YEAH#GOTTA STOP RAMBLING
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I've been following @druidposting's DR2 playthrough on discord and we just had a really good discussion about DR's Closing Arguments. Specifically the way the murderer is depicted as grey and featureless, which until now I found a bit annoying.
In Danganronpa it's repeatedly the case that we don't have the full picture until the talking actually stops- which always goes beyond the end of the trial. We generally vote first and come to understand what the murderer's actual motive was, sometimes filling in important pieces of the timeline in the process, afterwards.
But none of that matters for the killing game because characters' emotions aren't directly relevant to who was the 'blackened'- the only thing that matters to Monokuma- so it comes out afterwards and does nothing to change their execution. It doesn't matter how sympathetic they are (basically everyone) or whether other people share responsibility for the situation (eg. Hanamura, Pekoyama, Momota) or whether they intended to murder at all (Nanami). They objectively pulled the trigger and nothing else matters. Nothing about them as a person matters.
The Closing Argument mechanic might illustrate that problem- literally. They're a dramatic, conclusive summary of the entire case... constructed before the vote even happens, before we know if we're actually right, and they're missing something really important:
The actual perpetrator.
We quite literally don't even begin to see the real person behind the crime, any real exploration of their mental state, anything besides the cold, hard facts of the murder that are necessary to convict them, until the comic finishes and the protagonist makes their final accusation- replacing the grey figure with their real appearance in a shot that's often intensely emotional.
And these comics lack crucial parts of the case's timeline and sometimes important parts of the very scenes they depict that we only find out about afterwards. And those are what we know; characters may die with some pieces of the truth and prevent us from ever learning them. These aren't objective depictions of the murder, they're the protagonist's subjective attempt to connect the facts they have. A join-the-dots portrait of someone with missing dots and no colour.
Even characters' expressions may not match how they truly feel, with the grey placeholder potentially looking way more confident and sinister than they were in reality. Pasting Falter's commentary here since they put it well.
For obvious reasons this could especially be a problem for characters that die before the trial- the ones we never get a post-vote testimony from. DR1 chapter 4 really highlighted that in the way Asahina's huge misinterpretation of Oogami's feelings took up a lot of the post-trial discussion, only for Monokuma to reveal Oogami's real suicide note and recontextualise everything.
It might really be a problem for how Komaeda's depicted in DR2 chapter 5. While he isn't greyed out, we get panel after panel where he's either level-headed or maniacally evil, and even the depictions of his self-torture and death don't humanise him:
But we know that his real feelings were more complicated than that. We have his actual corpse to compare the last page to.
He died afraid.
If we approach the comic as Hinata's mental image of him instead of reality, he died without anyone truly understanding him. He was alarming, very hard to relate to, actively fought against people doing so, ensured even the killer didn't watch him die, and the survivors couldn't begin to understand his motive until a chapter later. The Closing Argument reflects that.
Early in DR1 Togami calls out the rest of his class for judging others by their own standards. However, he, too, is doing this, maybe more so than many other characters; his inability to view other people through anything but the cold, brutal logic of the killing game bites him in the ass in chapter 4. In DR2 chapter 2 voting without a good understanding of Pekoyama's motive or Kuzuryuu's involvement nearly got everyone killed. Komaeda's a walking embodiment of the problems with flattening people into caricatures and not empathising with them, suffered from people doing that back to him, and his case- the Closing Argument for which turned everyone else into grey placeholders- was impossible to solve with objective facts. It was only survivable because the survivors cooperated and one person tried to analyse things the way he would.
The games have always been a critique of the justice system and Japanese society and push us to care about others as individuals, not reduce them to- and judge their right to exist by- something they've done or their net impact on society. There are always consequences when someone neglects to do that, and the above might be yet another way the games explore that theme.
#danganronpa#dr analysis#komaedology#komaeda#.txt#sorry @ non komaedaheads for making it about komaeda again LMAO#that was not the intention initially he's just... a really good exploration of this#and i think about his expressions in that comic vs his corpse and what we retroactively knew he was dealing with a lot#btw don't send spoilers to falter please!! i'm @ing to credit them- this was a discussion not solely my ideas- but they are not done yet#and aren't reading this post until they're caught up for obvious reasons#this came from discussing ch2 since the incomplete picture people voted with nearly killed them#(btw don't @ me about komaeda's description in the second-last paragraph being an oversimplification; i know :p )#(he has nuance- especially outside of the killing game- but i'm just focusing on the thematically relevant broad strokes here)#(eg. i feel like he demonstrates empathy sometimes but kodaka has said that lack of ability to empathise/be empathised with#is a theme for him- and the ways he's been proactive in the killing game consistently lacked regard for others' feelings/individuality#reducing them to interchangeable Ultimates(TM) instead. it's partly why he self-destructed while everyone else#was able to forgive themself and keep moving forwards imo. your worth being defined rigidly by objective contributions to society#does not mesh well with the idea of rehabilitating people who've destroyed the world before they could even start to improve it#and even if he did give them a chance at surviving he still succumbed to his own ideology in the end#killed himself for 'hope' and to be 'important' like he 'wanted' but died terrified and in pain and alone instead of fulfilled#man i wish 2.5's ending/postnwp canon in general dug into that ;-; )#ANYWAY ty for reading all that. i feel like i rambled a lot in this one. i have a headache now ghdkjsfgdsf
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To understand Obi-Wan, you have to understand that his reputation of being demure or a bitch are not mutually exclusive. In fact, I would say you can't have Obi-Wan without at least a little of both.
Obi-Wan is someone who always has a remark on the tip of his tongue. It's just his instinctual first reaction. Always some quip or bite of sarcasm. But the thing is, he knows when to rein it in. He knows when his choice words are appropriate and when they're not. And if he feels particularly compelled to be bitchy when he can't, he'll phrase things in a way that will be scathing without the target ever realizing what hit them.
He's known as the negotiator. He knows his way around words. Now, it's my understanding that we so rarely see him utilizing this particular skill set in canon because that's not what the story was ever about. It's demonstrated in other ways. How he's regal and more reserved amongst figures of respect to downright maliciously petty while facing foes like the Sith.
Take Anakin's perception of Obi-Wan. He sees Obi-Wan as a perfect, stuck-up, unflappable Jedi. This competes with the fact that Obi-Wan is particularly catty and playful with Anakin and routinely chides him for behaviors... yet does many of the same himself. He's far from perfect but obviously wants Anakin to know what's best and do better than him.
Anakin has this perception of Obi-Wan (not only because it seems he's never good enough for him) because it's how he perceives Obi-Wan's station in the world based on how Obi-Wan is treated by others.
To really get into Obi-Wan, one must talk about how his self worth issues constantly war his ego. Constantly building himself up only to tear himself down again. Going around saying Sith Lords are his specialty (having never actually defeated one lmao) yet finding himself shocked and deeply honored when Mace calls him the master of soresu.
His moments of grandeur are sharply transposed by his feelings of insignificancy and inadequacy.
He's a complex, multifaceted, hypocritical human being like any. He's elegant and bitchy and yes, at times a sopping wet cat.
He's all these things because he's Obi-Wan
#also should be noted that we usually don't see Obi-Wan at his baseline#he's in high stress situations where he's bound to dial things up to 100 and frantically jump to whatever works#ALSO also should be noted that when it comes to a difference of morals he always feels he's in the right and therefore will get combative#okay I'm done speaking for now#lasagna rambles#obi wan kenobi#character meta
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isn't it weird how if you get up at 7 or 8, do your work all day, then have free time and go to bed at 11 that's absolutely fine
but if i said i get up at 10, do fun stuff in the morning then work in the evening and go to bed late, i could be called lazy, nevermind that i'm getting just as much or MORE work done as i would in a traditional work day
#ramble#idk if this is a me problem or not#i've tried to do the early rise early bed thing again and again and it just does not work for me doing freelance right now#maybe it's bc i used to work at a bar so i'm more comfortable being active in the evening#i love working at night because there's less going on to distract me#what used to happen is i would get up early then fight executive dysfunction all day saying i couldn't do fun stuff until i did my work#then my will to work would hit at 10pm and i'd be up till 2am anyway#right now my routine is waking up later and playing a game or knitting for an hour or so and then working in the afternoon and evening#something something capitalism and 9-5 and adhd don't go together#this sounds like i'm just making excuses but it works and i'm actually getting shit done and sleeping enough so i don't see the problem#i just figured i'm probably going to sit and do nothing for a few hours in the morning anyway so i might as well give myself permission to
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Nothing is as spooky as feeling one of them shrimp emotions. Y'know the type. The ones where you can't quite categorize them and feel like it's on another plane of Feeling
#What a curious sensation#For one it's quiet#It's like the usual feeling of hollow emptiness but it's coloured pink and yellow#Like being lightly buzzed despite taking. nothing#I cannot stress this enough I haven't done anything to warrant this#But yeah it's..quiet#My thoughts I mean. Only one track of thinking#And even now as I'm typing it's just repeating back what I'm saying here as opposed to like 7 different conflicting things at once#How strange#Don't think I like it#It's not chaotic enough#sp-rambles#Just lemme do my thing it'll go through its course
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