#I'm disgusted with myself
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Physically I am still at work
mentally I am getting impaled by Sylus
#love and deepspace#love and deepspace sylus#lnds ramblings#i wrote two more sylus fics before i even saw that trailer#and now#now#i'm disgusted with myself#two more hours and then i am subjecting everyone to a weekend of my sylus simping
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I still can't believe I've found someone I'm this compatible with and who hungers for me so
#like ik confidence shld come from within etc etc but I'm suddenly carrying myself w more confidence#It's hard to uphold my previous line of thinking where I assumed im disgusting and untouchable and hard to be around#Meanwhile I'm seeing him again in a week but he was like 'we should see each other before then sometime this week tho'#he wants more of me and I want more of him. That's wild. Surreal
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I was working on a new fic that I was really looking forward to, but in light of recent revelations, I'm gonna be taking a step back I think
also i removed him from the member masterlist and all of his fics, excluding things like YIMA and the poly series which I'm considering re-editing to get rid of him
#because honestly i'm disgusted and shocked#and i know my fics are entirely irrelevant in the scheme of things#but i kinda want to go through all of them and edit him out#which is easy (and already done by the time i'm posting this) for him as a background character in#some of the other members fics i've written but in others it's more complicated#like in yima and the poly series#as well as anything i've ever written that directly involved him#i also.... like was thinking about some of the stuff i included in yima with hc watching cameras#and now i..... i really want to change that bc when i was writing it i was like ah yeah this is pretty like gross#but now i'm like actually thinking realistically about that and it's fucking foul#so i'm definitely taking a step back#and i may quietly re-edit some stuff or i may just not be able to bring myself to do that#i have removed his masterlist from my member masterlist and all of his fics
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I'm obsessed with the fact that Amalia and Yugo have individual thrones while Armand and Aurora had to share (I don't have a screenshot for it, but if anyone could add one, I'd really appreciate it).
That's right, babies! You show 'em how to be a literal power couple!
#wakfu#wakfu spoilers#wakfu webtoon#wakfu la grande vague#wakfu the great wave#wakfu season 4#wakfu season 4 spoilers#amalia sheran sharm#yugo the eliatrope#yumalia#armand sheran sharm#aurora#realistically speaking I know it's probably because while Yugo and Amalia are both rulers in their own right and each other's consort#Aurora was just Armand's consort#meaning she did indeed have less power than him#but until the webtoon gives her some depth and maybe some redeeming traits I ain't giving her nothing#I'm sorry#but as much as I came to appreciate Armand his interactions with Aurora always made shudder in disgust#I can't bring myself to care about that ship#ankama#dofus#waven#krozmos
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Hold me like one of your french girls
#fanart#oc#fnaf#springtrap#fnaf springtrap#five nights at freddy's#Cat#oc x canon#i am disgusted by myself#no I'm not hjsddsgsdlgjsgfs#fluff
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mentally, i'm playing with my chuuya and dazai dolls, making them kiss then giggling and blushing into my pillow as I die from happiness.
#I disgust myself#then I'm gonna throw them in a fire and laugh maniacally as I watch them burn to ashes#soukoku#bungou stray dogs#bsd.txt
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Soft Like Moss
One Piece | G | Zosan
For all that he appears to be a man made of nothing but hard, sharp edges, Sanji has learned over the years that underneath his rough exterior, there is a remarkable amount of softness which makes up the core of Roronoa Zoro.
Tags: established relationship, fluff, character study, relationship study, sanji is so fucking whipped, figuratively and literally soft zoro Notes: was thinking about all the ways in which zoro is actually kind of soft and then promptly entered a fugue state which produced this absolutely appalling piece of fluff, so enjoy while i go hand in my membership card to the toxic yaoi fan club because quite frankly i don't deserve it anymore.
{Read on Ao3}
#one piece#zosan#sanzo#roronoa zoro#black leg sanji#one piece fic#i can't believe i wrote this it's embarrassing. i'm embarrassed.#it's so sweet that i'm making myself nauseous ugh#UGH#anyway they're gross and disgusting and i hate them both passionately#sophie fic
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canon accurate Krieg
#art#zip's fanart#One Piece#Don Krieg#drawn to cheer myself up after receiving a devastating comment on one of my fics#thinking a sincere fic about my fave character is satire and hilarious/ridiculous/disgusting (positive?)#I'm like 🧍♂️ okay. thanks. never writing again.#I explained it to my partner and his response was “at least they read your fic :)” and the Sims 👨🏼🤝👨🏼➖➖ icon appeared above my head
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thank u fanfic writers who write disgusting age gap + fauxcest/incest fics about my favourite fictional men, you are doing god's work🫶
#one of my fav authors recently posted smth so depraved. so disgusting. so sick and twisted. i'm obsessed#mutuals can dm me for my secret joel miller side bloggg🤭#can't [redacted] myself coz there are still unfinished stories to be read...#also unrelated but my tummy stopped hurting🎉 i think it's coz i ate 3/4 of an easter egg in 2 days#i ate some toast and it helped
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Astarion when you call him out on his manipulation: "Oh hehe I know, I'm just soooo silly throwing those three little words around, aren't I? But it can be true for...if only for tonight...😏" (Is being eaten alive by guilt and shame).
The Emperor when you call him out on his manipulation: "Be grateful I don't fucking end you right here and now."
#sorry emp fans i just myself getting increasingly disgusted by him with each run I do lol#just got the shirtless flirty dream with him last night and that was the final straw lol#literally just told him 'hey I know this is an act' and he gets SO pissed lmao#emperor more like incelor#i never sided with him anyway but each time I'm confronted with THAT scene specifically my hatred for him goes up a lil bit more#and like it's just funny to me that ppl will compare these two characters#i agree to an extent that they were both lying to tav for survival reasons#but it's their reactions to being called out on their lying/manipulation that are super telling#bg3#astarion#bg3 spoilers
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I keep going back and forth on the topic of where I fall on the allo/aro spectrum, partially because I kind of like. Don't wanna be aro (I'm already trans, queer and autistic with depressive tendencies, I don't need to add another thing to the list)
But another part of it is that even if I am capable of romantic love I probably just wouldn't know, because I already don't really know what platonic love feels like? And I'm not saying I can't love anything or anything like that it's just. Like many other emotions, I kind of have to retroingeneer it, sort of
I know I love my cats, not because I feel a surge of Something when I look at them, but because it makes me smile when they do something cute—my face knows what I'm feeling in those moments, I'm not sure I do. I know I love them because when Pouet died I cried every day for a month and I still cry sometimes, when I think about her. I know I love my cats because my brain keeps lighting up with fear signals when they're sleeping and I don't immediately see their chest move as they breathe.
I know what anxiety feels like, I know what anger feels like (when it explodes), I know what depression feels like because I dealt with them for so long I learned to recognize their physical symptoms! If these emotions didn't leave specific signals in my body then I'm not sure I'd know what they are.
And the thing is... I don't really like. Know what love or affection feels like, I think. Yes I can feel myself smile when I speak to certain people, but I also habitually smile at everybody because it makes things easier socially. I know I like people because if they ask me if I want to do an activity I either say yes or I have regrets about saying no.
My point is: I feel like I don't know my emotions so much as I know the buttons they push in my body, so to speak, but the problem about platonic/romantic love is that I can't imagine they make that different a shame, so who's to say which one it is?
It's funny, in a way, that I don't know something like that at my age. It's also really inconvenient, tbh. There's not really a reason for me to think about this rn except sometimes if I meet a cool dude whom I know is gay I wonder for a minute or two what a relationship with him would be like (which I'm going to assume is not that weird a thing to do) and the last time that happened led to, well. Ponderings about romance I guess
Anyway, the tl;Dr is that it took me decades to figure out the emotions I can recognize now, and I've largely approached social interactions with the inner spirit of a wet Chihuahua for most of that time, so how the fuck do I know if I can't identify those because I'm shit at self understanding or because I don't feel them???
Idk, it's complicated
(Tho honestly it would also be a little bit hilarious if after all this shit I landed on nah just aro. Not my preferred option right now but eh xD)
#Matt has a life#Shit from home#BUT ALSO#When I came out as a lesbian it was sort of a logical reasoning#'oh I'm not interested in being in a straight relationship so I mist be a lesbian'#V neutral when you look at it#Whereas figuring out I was trans came with such a wave of like#relief and joy that EVEN I couldn't miss it#it was so strong it's been the cornerstone of getting myself out of anxiety spirals everytime I wondered if I was allowed to identify#as trans despite not starting any official transition process for the past eight years#you would THINK that an accurate label ought to feel like that right?#aro... doesn't#is it prejudice I haven't dealt with? is it bc it's not accurate? is it because my trauma is largely centered on my gender identity#and having suffered less about the romantic spectrum side of things made my reactions less intense?#a mix of all of those? some degree of repression because I'm still not done feeling like if I try to have a presence in people's life I wil#make them uncomfortable and disgusted because I'm some sort of monstrous being?#I sure as shit had no shortage of shame back when I had that coworker of mine that made me blush and stammer and was 5 years younger than m#URGH#Can you tell I don't have a therapist#10n
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it is hot as balls and humid as heck in Singapore but at least I can wear crocs in public
#art#outfit of the day#ootd#self portrait#drawing myself is so weird bc I'm androgynous in all the wrong ways#but in the fun way where people are disturbed and disgusted so they leave me alone so i can be hairy in peace
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I took this quiz. And some episodes were easy. Some made me just plain mad (Anti-Mavity Motorbike. No. I hate this stupid running joke). Some made me mad because I understood IMMEDIATELY what they meant (Awkward Bed Sharing, Paving Slab, Smacked Bottom) and it annoyed me that it made sense. And some made me mad because I knew the exact episode but could not remember the actual title for the LIFE of me (PE Teacher, Floating Fingers). And others made me want to sob (Cup-A-Soup, Solid Right Hook) because I loved the description choice so much.
Anyway. I need there to stop being so many "the [Blank] of the Doctor" episode titles. I can't keep track of them. At a certain point if I knew it was an 'of the Doctor' episode I just skipped it.
#doctor who#also guys you won't believe this but i could not remember the title of 'Smith and Jones' which is literally one of my favorite episodes#i totally drew a blank and i kept getting stuck on the hospital being called Royal Hope and assuming that was part of it#i didn't totally cheat. i instead searched my blog for martha since i knew a gifset from the episode would pop up eventually#and i literally said '...OH my god.' out loud in annoyance when i saw the title. i'm so mad at myself. i'm a DISGRACE.#LOOK. IN MY DEFENSE. I JUST STARTED MY PERIOD TODAY FINALLY AFTER IT WAS LIKE 5 DAYS LATE.#AND I'M IN SSRI WITHDRAWAL AND FINALLY GOT MY REFILL BUT MY BRAIN IS STILL DOING ITS BRAIN ZAPS#SO MY MIND IS NOT FULLY HERE. this was not the right time for me to attempt this quiz.#i should have quit after not remembering Smith and Jones and tried again tomorrow but i'm stubborn#it's the episode i've rewatched THE MOST. so i really should have remembered the name without a reminder. i'm very disappointed.#also i hate that the set up of the quiz is that if i suddenly remember an answer that i skipped it takes forever to find it again.#i'm really mad about PE because i can quote so much of the episode and i adore Danny Pink but i could NOT remember the title.#i kept going with like 'the janitor' or 'school reunion' which is a different episode and I knew that but i was frustrated.#oh and this reminded me that i still to this day have not fully watched the last couple episodes of season 6#i always forget that i didn't watch them. until plot points from them come up and i'm like 'oh yeah that happened but i didn't see it.'#so Closing Time and God Complex i knew but i was like i have no shot remembering those episode titles#also i fully had Curse of the Black Spot and Legend of the Sea Devils mixed up#also i could not remember the title of Doomsday and i fully was like 'nah i don't care enough to fight for this one'#and i blocked Praxeus from my memory to save my sanity since that body horror was truly disgusting#similarly i'm realizing i blocked Knock Knock from my memory too. i'm not a person particularly scared of bugs. but that episode... nope.#i don't think i've given away any answers here. pretty sure i've only mentioned either the description OR the title of episodes#but not both. anyway i'm really mad about one particular description because i KNEW it was referencing its episode#but then i second guessed myself and skipped it and then couldn't find it again because of how sporcle designs these particular quizzes#not gonna say the description or the episode but yeah i was really mad
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"smash or pass tfa Ratchet" the fuck u mean "pass" i would literally [THE REST OF THE POST HAD BEEN DELETED FOR VIOLATING TUMBLR'S COMMUNITY GUIDELINES] no just kidding i would dig my own cum out of his pussy with my tongue and then suck on his prolapsed cervix until his ovaries fall out
#i dont want to post this#it's not that this shouldn't be said. it's just that i'm a 100% serious about it that makes it so disgusting#but i have to stay true to myself#valveplug
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Saw this post and had to make it StanXeno
#novice-comics#dr stone#dr. stone#dcst#dcst spoilers#season 4 spoilers#stanley snyder#lyrics from disgusting by kesha#this was a quick sketch#please don't judge the bad anatomy too harshly#I'm trying to force myself to post sloppy instead of dying in perfectionism purgatory
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there’s a question to be asked i think about to what extent “getting out” can be conflated with “being saved” in this show, and what freedom actually means to any of these characters.
like you can argue that shiv saved ken by voting against him on gojo, but what if your intent behind saving someone is to inflict a worse punishment than if you’d just left them trapped? can a child weaned on poison survive on milk, or are you just sentencing them to a death by inches, starved of the only thing they know? and if you save someone specifically because you know that being saved is the worst thing that can happen to them, is that kindness or cruelty? at what point does a good thing become a malicious act?
and you can say that roman is finally free, but what exactly is he free from? the company? his father? does unlocking a cage mean saving a dog, or are you allowing him out on the street knowing there’s a kill shelter nearby? if the driving anxiety behind roman is that he’s an idiot and a failure—that he’ll never amount to anything, and trying will only lead to pain—and he’s finally cut loose once all of those anxieties have crystallized into cold hard fact in his mind, what has he actually escaped from? if the cage is in your mind, is it even possible for somebody else to unlock it?
the fundamental truth of a tragedy is that even being saved can be a death sentence, if the characters are incapable of escaping the thing doing them the most harm (themselves and their childhoods)
#'what about shiv' if i think about shiv i'm going to kill myself. she needs her own post. there's too much there to get into.#anyways seeing a tremendous amount of At Least Roman Is Free <3 tags that have me going. right. for sure. free from what?#because it's certainly not the intense amount of self disgust that has driven him in circles this entire time.#i fear he may feel the weight of alienation on his soul for the rest of his life. and he won't even try to alleviate it anymore.#and ALSO the idea that shiv went out of her way to save kendall as an act of like. altruism. like it was a sacrifice on her part#which i feel is a very toothless perspective on shiv and the psychological torment that's been weighing on her essentially since birth#like her choice in regards to gojo is one of the meatiest most harrowing bits of character work i've ever seen#and while of course there was love inside that action (because nothing these characters do is entirely divorced from love)#i don't think it was necessarily a kind or forgiving or sacrificial love#like this was an intense vitriolic snapping from a dog that has been kicked by her dad all her life.#and who absolutely refuses to accept that from her brother (because that would mean acknowledging that kendall takes the mantle of Dad-#and that she's subservient to him. which is the one thing she absolutely will never do#because it's a level of degradation that's finally a step too far)#anyways. um. insane season that i still can't look at directly or i'll perish on the spot.#succession
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