#I'm at an ethics meeting
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"I believe the technical term was: a shitshow"
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I woke up a few mornings ago and decided it was time to find out what George Karizaki was about.
#kamen rider revice#george karizaki#fan art#george karizaki walked up to me and told me 'you actually need a pretty high IQ to understand the humor of rick and morty'#out here handing out drivers that hurt people on purpose 'for science' lmao#ethical science who?#probably uses his superior adult strength to cut kids in line for kamen rider live shows#he moves like he watches a lot of anime lol#oh... and I enjoy him so much. did I say that? afkjae;kfj#he's for sure evil but he's our friend?????#djfalkd he's so entertaining 10/10 guy#this was my little treat for finally finishing all the drawing for chapter 6 aaahaha#but i'm getting killed out here at artfight so time to buckle up i think!#blorbo in law for so long.... hi george. great to finally meet you
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tomgreg is not "i could fix him" nor "i could make him worse" but "i could make him feel like a real person." from both ends.
#tomgreg#there is genuine incompleteness on either end without each other#i'm thinking nrpi and the mutual obsession and being (successfully) singularly inclined toward monetary success#EXCEPT in regards to each other#greg having only the most naive aspirations until he meets tom#tom having an essentially directionless desire to be a caretaker until he meets greg#i'm thinking of that one rebvilla tg art with the caption#'doderick fell from the fantasy doggy land and became a real boy in the arms of a guy named tom'#i'm thinking of how the last time greg smokes weed onscreen has him throw it away when tom shows up#how he first does coke. an upper. onscreen directly as tom shows up#tom wakes him up and guides him#greg gives him someone to guide#they're both sponges that soak each other up bc they were sorely missing something#the ethics of their behavior are besides the point#the point is that they cease to be performative about it. tom gets less conservative greg gets less liberal#bc both were masks that weren't necessarily real#'don't be an asshole greg you don't have PRINCIPLES' <- tom accurately calling greg out for being fake#i'm thinking we don't change minds. maybe we do change minds.#once again whether it's in the direction of being 'good' or 'bad' could not be FURTHER from the point#bc the human condition does not condern those things. LOVE does not concern those things.#they just push each other in the direction of being complete people. of being fucking real#mine
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moodboard for this past week ❤️
#they should invent a grad school thats not fucking insane#i'm hanging in there but im the most unwell i've been in AWhile#this week was just horrible#there was already the freezer food incident but it also started off with a very severe pain episode thats putting me in constant woe#even mundane motion has been agonizing which is McAwesome bc we had a lab inspection which involved moving hundreds of pounds of equipment#during which we found a blackwidow and rats which we had to deal with and was a whole thing psychologically on top of the physical toll#the new class fiasco is still popping off and i had to respond to at this point over 400 emails in the fleeting moments outside of lab#AND A STUDENT TRIED TO FINANCIALLY BRIBE THEIR WAY INTO THE CLASS ? ?? ?? ?????#then the instructor wanted to use me as a guinea pig and i had to test new circuit boards but I wasnt given any time to do so properly#i had to test them plus get them operational and deal with my incoming students all in a frantic 10 minute window#im in charge of running our meetings too but the instructor was interrupting and having side conversations that made it really hard-#to train the other people on the new equipment in a smooth manner#which meant that a bunch of people had to keep me after to ask questions which made me late for my drs appointment#where i found out i cant get the new covid vaccine bc my heart and blood levels arnt stable enough#and joanns lost an expensive+critical fabric order of mine+i had to give a big presentation this week on my research that was stressful#and my inbox is still blowing up from being needed all over the place between teaching lab and classes and yall i am. so so tired.#im in so much pain and so stressed out#debating the ethics of turning into a pile of lint to escape my responsibilities and mortal frame
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I want to thank Misha Collins for inspiring me to do things that, for legal reasons, I cannot disclose online
and no, this is not a joke. Misha, through GISH especially, showed me not just the power of art-as-activism, but what creative modes function best in that setting, and how to organize and lead such efforts.
what I've done with that knowledge, again, would be legally dangerous to admit online
but I'm so happy I know how to do it. I've become a leader in my community, and a supporter of large and powerful movements.
specifically, those spaces know me as an artist. an artist with endless and diverse creative ideas, who knows no fear, takes no shit and is especially good at resistance and point-making via "funny" and lighthearted art.
would Misha approve of what I'm doing?
most likely, FUCK no he wouldn't
he's made himself damn clear where he stands on this stuff, even via silence alone
but I have him to thank anyway.
#misha collins#misha fucking collins#supernatural#love the character hate(?) the actor#Dont Meet Your Heroes.jpg#no ethical celebrities under capitalism#listen I'll meme on and cheer on Misha forEVER but know I have zero respect for him as a person at this point#“Misha Collins” the celebrity/public figure? hilarious. memeworthy. what the fuck is wrong with this man#actual human person Misha Collins? yikes. ik exactly what the fuck is wrong with this man and its Rich White Dude Syndrome#i feel like its a good day to mention that celebrities are putting on an act even when they act as themselves#fuck! im getting to know that firsthand rn!#for a far less controversial example see Jensen Ackles being a Total Deangirl Freak(i love him) and only wearing green at photoshoots#vs Jensen Ackles flying to hawaii to do a golf tournament while wearing khaki kneeshorts#btw I dont think this makes all actors bad or is a bad thing. its just part of the nature of celebrity.#the spn characters > the actors “in character” as spn actors > the blandest rich white texan men you'll ever see (they are v pretty though)#long ass tags#headcoldposting sry coherence is gone#I personally try to “play myself” on camera as principled organized and well-spoken. creative but clear on the movement's goals#in actuality I'm panicking almost 24/7. I drown myself in destiel angst nonstop and 50% of my internal monologue is in Old English.
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it's crazy what a significant life change will do to you. life feels so much better. like a freshly peeled orange. like laying on a flat, sun-warmed rock. insane weight lifted!! brain rewired!!!
#i'm finally leaving this frankly abusive toxic relationship i had with my ex-boss behind me#the whiplash is insane like holy shit looking back i can't believe i survived 5 years of this#it was so bad. so so bad#and now this new job is showing me i good i can have it and how healthy it can be#i still don't dream of labor but i have an ethical and fulfilling role i'm happy with and it's insane#never thought it would happen#what next?? am i about to meet my spouse or something???#shut up mag
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why are they laughing at him as he gets straight up killed??? he doesn't deserve this! he's a sweet kid at heart! he literally just needs one (1) real friend!!
#jack facts#willow and xander and tara all got that exact type of chance and you could argue the same is true for cordelia and anya!#and why don't we just not even start in on angel#like jonathan went from attempted suicide to so grateful for one moment of attention he created a whole award to give about it#to IN ONE YEAR becoming so powerful a witch he seamlessly altered the perception of the entire population of the world#without any adverse effects to himself and only the one (1) flaw that is inherent to the spell he used#to all but instantly giving up that power when he realized it posed danger (that he understood) to people#to feeling genuine remorse for doing that even tho he needed it explained to him why they were so upset#and making every apparent effort to learn that with humility and offer whatever wisdom he could in return#to... this.#like why tf didn't anybody say hey man are you doing alright after being suicidal?#hey man the spell you did was wrong but that doesn't mean you can't do magic anymore why don't we meet up sometimes and study together#or better yet he could have mcfuckin joined the coven god damn#like they went from witch being a relatively gender neutral combo of innate talent and learned skill in early seasons#to now we're supposed to forget the boy willow and amy did spells with in hs + the fact that giles himself was in an all male coven#and even believe that only Special Girls like willow and tara can do any significant amount of real magic at all#why on earth is willow the biggest witch of ever and started out floating pencils and then having a whole plotline#about learning to use her power ethically and control herself and practice temperance and etc#AND anya gets to be a good guy even though she has to be taught about ethics and consent and compassion and all that too#but jonathan's thing is being soul crushingly lonely and having no self esteem but being incredibly sweet once given the time of day#and is instead relegated to two bit loser villain?#why because he's the Actually Uncool type of unpopular instead of the Too Smart And Nice To Be Popular type of unpopular?#makes me sick he literally just needs a friend. just one genuine friend who cares about him personally. that's all.#and it's not like they're doing a ''this is what happens to vulnerable kids when no one cares about them!'' thing which would be different#no they're just like lol he's unpopular like our protags but he's also short with a nasally voice! which means he's bad!#once again i swearrrrr i'm not doing armchair psych on a creator based on the content of their work#please i swearrrrrrrrrrrr i'm not doing that i prommy i know it doesn't work that wayyy i knowwwww#don't worry about ittt i'm so totally definitely not doing that at allllll#anyway
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So I watched that three part BBC documentary on Ze and honestly, it was just okay? I think I expected too much from it, which is on me. There was definitely far too much putin - I skipped through most of that.
It does give a solid enough background on the birth of Ukraine as an independent nation & the struggle to get there. There was some nice K95 archival footage in the earlier episode, but no particularly new information. They do give Ze a fair amount of credit outside of the 'comedian to president' pipeline which is v important I think.
Overall, I'd hoped for a lot more from something which made out it would be sort of, in Ze's own words? I'd have much preferred a longform interview with him & surely they must have filmed more than the maybe, idk 30 mins of footage that's sprinkled through the 3 episodes?
For me it was a solid 6/10 - nothing groundbreaking or earth shattering; just a decent enough foundation.
#I'm kinda disappointed by it? like - it's a lot more surface level than I had anticipated#there was one quote where he talks about his own work ethic ( 'when everybody works. you work. when everybody sleeps. you work' )#and he always seems to have been like that- I am constantly in awe as someone who is exhausted by three meetings a day#but yea - it was just fine IG
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Lookit all these babies.
#Nah man this can't be real lol#I'm a cat woman and getting my cat needs meet and then some#Lookit these sweet angels#Love ethics#& were you paying attention
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#my new job is like a damn dream btw#i'm not getting paid as much as my target was but it more than makes up for it in really good work culture#and tons of employee engagement/amenities that are just fucking Nice#not that i utilize most of this but: cafe with free food and drinks. 24/7 on-site gym access. very flexible work schedule.#frequent free food events#discounts on sport/concert tickets/ski resorts/etc#unlimited PTO. tuition reimbursement. volunteer support (can take time out of your work day to do volunteer work while still getting paid).#my manager's ethic is: don't care what hours you work as long as you're here at the morning meeting and get all your work done#basically as long as i communicate i can work 7-3 or 8-4 or 9-5 or whatever suits my personal schedule#and i am allowed to leave when my work is done. no sitting around twiddling my thumbs trying to look busy#if all i have left is data analysis i can leave early and do it from home if i want#i can set up my work so that i can work from home once or twice a month. something i never thought I'd be able to do as a bench scientist#its so amazing compared to anywhere else I've worked#i'm sure it's laughable compared to the super wealthy pharma companies but those are evil places so i'm happy with this#ALSO i get regular raises and a merit bonus every year#just...wow what a great place to settle down for a few years
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The more I go through business grad school, the more I realize I don't belong and belong in a more creative field
But, idk how stable the creative fields are right now, so I'm in business school trying desperately to fit in yet not????
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#personal#like you can't get me to like a*i art and writing you just can't and I won't#yet everyone is using it bc business school majors have no soul it's true#so how am I out here trying to be an ethical business person???#like some of the people I meet are okay enough#but then idk there are just awkward pauses bc the connection just quite isn't there????#like I'm trying I really am#but idk#and then with the classes it's just :/#and yet it seems like everyone is having such a breeze with everything meanwhile I'm floundering trying to find myself????#and idk what to do if I drop out?#disappoint my family some more is what hahahaha OTL
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musings below
#I would love to write fic. the ethics of RPF are convoluted but I don't bother with convoluted#I mean look. I don't know these guys so. In essence when you write fic about them you're only toying with an _idea_ of them. Not really the#Although admittedly it would be jarring to have your likeness used for fangirly wetdream daydream written in the purplest prose#the purplest prose youve ever seen and slapped onto archive of our own#The other problem is I'm not good at writing#and the Other other problem is that I actually have incredible respect for Carlos hes something of a personal hero for me#musically. theatrically. and stylistically as well. Adore that guy#and he's actually very Online. and. Present. for being an older gentleman. Alright he's not that old.#Lots of political commentary. I love to read his newsletters as well. He is actually a very warm man. Something a lot of people don't know#because they were never able to get over his theatrics and sense of style. found him arrogant or pretentious.#And he is pretentious but I say this in a strictly loving way#Anyway. Let me tell you a secret#Carlos actually has a tumblr. Yeah. And well#Frankly the idea of him being on the same platform as me horrifies me to no end. Imagine if he saw what I was doing#PFSSHSHHS. I think at the precise moment Carlos ever opened my blog. wherever i was#and whatever i was doing the flesh in which i inhabit would instantly initiate self destruct#because i couldnt live after that NYAHAHAHA#And he is so accesible by virtue of being very authentic genuine. but i can never ever interact with him online becaaause#I have a personal guideline I must always strongly adhere to. NEVER. MEET. YOUR HEROES.#So yeah. That's my musing for tonight. It's 3 AM and I'm unhinged. Like maximum of seven people will ever read this. Whatever
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as always pls do not interact with this post or read the tags
#if i distort this picture enough maybe i can talk about superhell tonight#and if YOU recognize this picture you are just as BAD as me#the height difference is killing me it's really killing me it's not the oerfect distance for a forehead kiss but thats not what i want#that can be platonic. nothing platonic going on here folks!#when they make out it's always going to be deliberate because he's always going to have to lean down#there is as always something poetic about him meeting him at his level#it's like. i could've left. i could've stayed in the ohl. i could've not chosen you#at every stage that i did choose you above everything else#it's like. we were not meant to be together like this#both literally and figuratively too!#but i want you with a ferocity that rivals nothing else in my life#and i'm going to get you. because you want me too. because we can have everything we want!#i'm going to meet you at every level i can#honestly would not be surprised if through the strength of superhell he gets an nhl contract#or even an AHL contract that puts them in the same place#literally package deal do noy separate you are one half of my whole soul etc#anywhas no mistake what they have and what he wants and what they BOTH want which is simply. chef's kiss#it's like. this has always been clear to us. never been a question. 0 hesitation 0 moral ethical objections 0 regret#the first time he kisses him he knows its going to happen because again. no accidental forehead kisses with that heigh difference#its all about CHOICE. its all about KNOWING YOURSELF AND EACH OTHER. its always about being DELIBERATE#going to superhell tonight#thinking. perhaps even thoughting. thunking.
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The kingdom of heaven will still need mole sanctuaries. But let's all stop living in one. It can be isolated by time instead of space.
#i am not a child#i am also not a mole#i guess i'm just trying to upgrade the mole sanctuary to meet with baseline ethical standards#i am not required to complete the work#neither am i permitted to abandon it#neither am i permitted to allow these breaches of human rights to continue#let's find a reasonable compromise together
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A pro-Palestine Jew on tiktok asked those of us who were raised pro-Israel, what got us to change our minds on Palestine. I made a video to answer (with my voice, not my face), and a few people watched it and found some value in it. I'm putting this here too. I communicate through text better than voice.
So I feel repetitive for saying this at this point, but I grew up in the West Bank settlements. I wrote this post to give an example of the extent to which Palestinians are dehumanized there.
Where I live now, I meet Palestinians in day to day life. Israeli Arab citizens living their lives. In the West Bank, it was nothing like that. Over there, I only saw them through the electric fence, and the hostility between us and Palestinians was tangible.
When you're a child being brought into the situation, you don't experience the context, you don't experience the history, you don't know why they're hostile to you. You just feel "these people hate me, they don't want me to exist." And that bubble was my reality. So when I was taught in school that everything we did was in self defense, that our military is special and uniquely ethical because it's the only defensive military in the world - that made sense to me. It slotted neatly into the reality I knew.
One of the first things to burst the bubble for me was when I spoke to an old Israeli man and he was talking about his trauma from battle. I don't remember what he said, but it hit me wrong. It conflicted with the history as I understood it. So I was a bit desperate to make it make sense again, and I said, "But everything we did was in self defense, right?"
He kinda looked at me, couldn't understand at all why I was upset, and he went, "We destroyed whole villages. Of course we did. It was war, that's what you do."
And that casual "of course" stuck with me. I had to look into it more.
I couldn't look at more accurate history, and not at accounts by Palestinians, I was too primed against these sources to trust them. The community I grew up in had an anti-intellectual element to it where scholars weren't trusted about things like this.
So what really solidified this for me, was seeing Palestinian culture.
Because part of the story that Israel tells us to justify everything, is that Palestinians are not a distinct group of people, they're just Arabs. They belong to the nations around us. They insist on being here because they want to deny us a homeland. The Palestinian identity exists to hurt us. This, because the idea of displacing them and taking over their lands doesn't sound like stealing, if this was never theirs and they're only pretending because they want to deprive us.
But then foods, dances, clothing, embroidery, the Palestinian dialect. These things are history. They don't pop into existence just because you hate Jews and they're trying to move here. How gorgeous is the Palestinian thobe? How stunning is tatreez in general? And when I saw specific patterns belonging to different regions of Palestine?
All of these painted for me a rich shared life of a group of people, and countered the narrative that the Palestininian identity was fabricated to hurt us. It taught me that, whatever we call them, whatever they call themselves, they have a history in this land, they have a right to it, they have a connection to it that we can't override with our own.
I started having conversations with leftist friends. Confronting the fact that the borders of the occupied territories are arbitrary and every Israeli city was taken from them. In one of those conversations, I was encouraged to rethink how I imagine peace.
This also goes back to schooling. Because they drilled into us, we're the ones who want peace, they're the ones who keep fighting, they're just so dedicated to death and killing and they won't leave us alone.
In high school, we had a stadium event with a speaker who was telling us about a person who defected from Hamas, converted to Christianity and became a Shin Bet agent. Pretty sure you can read this in the book "Son of Hamas." A lot of my friends read the book, I didn't read it, I only know what I was told in that lecture. I guess they couldn't risk us missing out on the indoctrination if we chose not to read it.
One of the things they told us was how he thought, we've been fighting with them for so long, Israelis must have a culture around the glorification of violence. And he looked for that in music. He looked for songs about war. And for a while he just couldn't find any, but when he did, he translated it more fully, and he found out the song was about an end to wars. And this, according to the story as I was told it, was one of the things that convinced him. If you know know the current trending Israeli "war anthem," you know this flimsy reasoning doesn't work.
Back then, my friend encouraged me to think more critically about how we as Israelis envision peace, as the absence of resistance. And how self-centered it is. They can be suffering under our occupation, but as long as it doesn't reach us, that's called peace. So of course we want it and they don't.
Unless we're willing to work to change the situation entirely, our calls for peace are just "please stop fighting back against the harm we cause you."
In this video, Shlomo Yitzchak shares how he changed his mind. His story is much more interesting than mine, and he's much more eloquent telling it. He mentions how he was taught to fear Palestinians. An automatic thought, "If I go with you, you'll kill me." I was taught this too. I was taught that, if I'm in a taxi, I should be looking at the driver's name. And if that name is Arab, I should watch the road and the route he's taking, to be prepared in case he wants to take me somewhere to kill me. Just a random person trying to work. For years it stayed a habit, I'd automatically look at the driver's name. Even after knowing that I want to align myself with liberation, justice, and equality. It was a process of unlearning.
On October, not long after the current escalation of violence, I had to take a taxi again. A Jewish driver stopped and told me he'll take me, "so an Arab doesn't get you." Israeli Jews are so comfortable saying things like this to each other. My neighbors discussed a Palestinian employee, with one saying "We should tell him not to come anymore, that we want to hire a Jew." The second answered, "No, he'll say it's discrimination," like it would be so ridiculous of him. And the first just shrugged, "So we don't have to tell him why." They didn't go through with it, but they were so casual about this conversation.
In the Torah, we're told to treat those who are foreign to us well, because we know what it's like to be the foreigner. Fighting back against oppression is the natural human thing to do. We know it because we lived it. And as soon as I looked at things from this angle, it wasn't really a choice of what to support.
#riki babbles#I had this in my drafts for ages and I was like 'not the time' but a friend encouraged me to share so here it is#palestine
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augh I tried to draw earlier but wasn't really feeling it? now suddenly after I've already closed the program so that I could maybe play a game for a bit the urge to draw is back. I might even want to do some studies, however that works; what the actual hell??
#it is so ANNOYING#I Do really want to get better at certain things tho. desperately want my blorbos to look how I actually want them to#when putting them to paper (or whatever I'm drawing in/on)#also the anxiety over interacting with a specific stranger on the internet has kicked back in super hard#there are certain things that I don't actually mind that much if people do them; if they meet some certain criteria:#1) don't be a creep about it (pretty broad definition but I'm mostly talking about people who still crush on child/teen characters-#as a grown-ass adult)#2) do it Away From Me (very easy to facilitate this one honestly; one can kind of just block blogs if they make them uncomfortable-#I mean honestly I've blocked perfectly innocuous blogs for things as simple as takes I disagree with#or for just. Annoying Me. not even directly either; sometimes I just find people annoying and That Is Okay)#not everything is like. a moral/ethical judgement and I can get past things as long as I very deliberately ignore it#most people have sideblogs or whatever for these kinds of things anyways; so it's neater and easier to categorize squicks and shit#the thing is. I don't always know if it is something innocuous or Not without asking directly. and that's generally seen as Rude lmao#it's kind of agonizing trying to determine whether a person is doing something that makes me uncomfy but can (probably) safely ignore#or if they're actually genuinely into gross and heinous shit lmao
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