#I'm always nervous on putting my stuff in the actual tags since its such a small fandom.

[littlemarianah]

Prompt: “How am I supposed to focus when you look at me like that?”

@tetheredfeathers and I started a challenge to write a text between 500 - 1000 words with this prompt.

Click >here< to see her version of this.

Just something fun to pass the time... I ended up writing my new non-reaped AU project, where Katniss and Peeta never go to the games.

I'm tagging these three incredible and talented writers to continue our challenge.

@mollywog @nightlocked-in @rainymyx

title:

The streak of luck.

A tide of luck had swept over me the last few weeks. Spring is always the best time of year to find things in the woods, but this year I outdid myself. I found two bee hives full of honey. It was very painful and I spent days recovering from the bee stings, but I managed to bring two bags full of honeycombs to sell on the rob. Honey is a rare item in district twelve, so it made me a lot of money.

I think that since spring began, there hasn't been a day that goes by that I don't come home with something to sell with. From juicy wild berries to Turkeys, swallows and wild dogs. I've been finding things more valuable lately.

This month, we had the luxury of spending more stuff than just on food. I was able to buy new boots for Prim, cold coat for me and a supply of oils for my mother to make ointments and resell.

And in the end there was still money left. So I bought a sewing thread and a needle. I grabbed my mother's old white dress from the back of the closet. She and Prim did all the repairs for me. Then I took my dress to Hazelle and paid her a good amount to wash it. She asked me for bleach, to remove the yellow stains from age and mold. Then she asked me for violet fabric paint. It was difficult to find something like that on the black market, it ended costing me a whole rabbit.

I was afraid it would turn my dress purple, but she said that the dye mixed in hot water removes all the yellow stains and makes the dress white like never before.

She was right. It was so beautiful it looked like I had bought it brand new.

As I get older and become more and more like my mother, her dress looks more and more like it was made out for me. The straight cut at the collar makes my long neck - which Peeta praises so much - stand out. The long sleeves hide my thin arms. The tight waist makes it my hips look more accentuated than they actually are. It's a simple dress, it looks like a nightgown. However, its fabric is so elegant that I look like a bride from the big city.

My mom puts my hair in a low bun and Prim makes a lavender flower crown to match spring.

The shoes I will wear are a problem. I only have my beat-up hunting boots and old school shoes. None suit the occasion. My mother's shoes are beautiful, but they are so tight on me. I refuse to spend the whole afternoon limping.

There is a third option, which I don't like very much. There are the shoes I used to wear at the reaping. The last time I wore them I was 19 years old, two years ago. This blue heels are so old they look gray.

I wish I had thrown them away, but you can never waste resources like that. Shoes are expensive. Even if they don't bring back good memories, they are still valuable. My mother cleans them and rubs them with lard to make them shiny. I feel weird, but it's my best option at the moment.

So here I am, dressed like a spring bride. And there he is, dressed like a merchant groom. Waiting for me at the door of the Justice Building.

He has combed his hair back and applied gel to keep the curls in place. A perfectly ironed white shirt, black pants with a silver buckle belt and a brown suit over everything, which make his shoulders pointy. He's perfect. On his feet are also his reaping shoes.

“You look so beautiful." he says.

“You too." I reply.

Then we link our arms and wait until they call us. I feel the heat radiating from Peeta. He doesn't usually get nervous, but today his forehead shines with sweat and he fixes his collar compulsively. So far I've counted five times in the last two minutes.

“Are you okay?” I ask.

“Oh, my brother lent me this shirt. It's itchy" He groans, awkwarly. I smile at him and he seems to relax.

There are several couples around us, waiting too. Everyone wants to get married in the spring.

Many young women in white. Some with lacy and chic dresses, others with old and yellowed, but all the same holding the hands of their lovers. The young men, one exhausted by work, one covered in coal dust, and another with elegant blue suits and shiny shoes.

We are all there, waiting to get to our turn.

When the door finally opens the old man calls out "Thompson" in a deep voice.

Then a couple enters, the girl with a veil and a garland and the boy with a leather hat. The two are shaking with so much excitement, they are completely in love. Still too young to free themselves from the burden of the Hunger Games. It's not good luck marry before you're 19. So I sigh, and wish them good luck on next summer.

After a few minutes, the couple leaves smiling and receives a round of applause from their family members who are waiting for them outside.

Then the man screams again "Greenwood".

An older, handsome boy, next to him is a blonde girl in a flashy dress. They are accompanied by their parents, elegant merchants. I start stomping my feet anxiously. I want to end the waiting once and for all. After a couple long minutes, they finally leave the building and when I least expect it the man is shouting for "Mellark". I head towards him as if he were calling my own name.

My witness is my mother, I wanted it to be Prim, but she is still a minor. Peeta's witness is his middle brother. He seems a little uncomfortable being there, but he pats Peeta on the back to encourage him.

“Mrs. Everdeen and Mr. Mellark, is it of their own free will that you both meet here today to be united in matrimony?” says the old man.

“Yes.” Peeta said vigorous.

“Yes.” I said in sequence, quieter revealing my nervousness.

Peeta takes my hand gently and squeezes it with his sweaty palm.

I thought I was calm until this moment, now I'm sure I'm terrified. While that old man talks boring things about marriage and laws and the importance of family I get lost in Peeta's flush face. His lips are tight and raised in a restrained smile. I feel my heart skip a beat.

When the man stops talking we each receive a pen. Peeta leans over the thick book first, writing “Peeta Mellark” in cursive. Then it's my turn, my hands shake and I sigh, before finally putting the ink on the paper.

I start with the "K" of my name, with a less sophisticated calligraphy than Peeta's. Now my tremor is visible to everyone around me. Peeta's eyes are the heaviest on me, they make me blush.

“How am I supposed to focus when you look at me like that?” I sigh. He giggles and looks away as I write "Mellark." My new last name.

[meruz]

hi im putting all my asks in one post again. these are from like the past month and a half approx? some digimon thoughts some tmnt thoughts some art musings u know the usual

@waywardistics YAYY thank you so much for ordering! I'm glad it got to you & that you are enjoying it!

this is kind of a missive to everyone who ordered but: I am very nervous about pre-orders whenever I do them... nervous that not very many people will order, nervous that there will be supply chain or production dilemmas and I won't be able to get copies out to people in a timely fashion, nervous about having people's money but having an indeterminate amt of time where i have not yet "held up my part of the bargain" etc etc SO. THANK U GUYS...FOR ORDERING and being patient and im so glad it got to y'all

@seanonthemoon (idk why i cant tag u BUT) interesting... i gotta be honest I don't think abt the crests that much. i agree that they're very much like heres the "girl" crest heres the "nerd boy" crest etc to the point that it becomes almost meaningless. but i think what makes them even more meaningless to me, and is probably the reason they kind of designated girl/boy crests etc is that i think like the digivices they're toys and merchandise more than they are actual narrative tools LOL. I wouldve loved something with cody and mimi! theyre both so deeply empathetic and sensitive.. theres a lot they share but i think because they look so different on the surface it would make it difficult to market that merch...booo capitalism boooo toy marketing its all sexist bullshit at least here in the u.s. idk if japan is that different though.

I'm actually a little frustrated with how often 02 and 02 related media squanders cody in general lol. he feels like a parallel of izzy, joe, and TK(season 1 tk) while also being kind of none of those and suffering through lackluster characterization as a result... and then once ken joins the team it feels a little redundant. there's a couple cody-centric eps of 02 I remember really liking but then i think abt how he's been used since in like post-series content and 02:the beginning where they made him type on the computer even though obviously that's yoleis thing but because he had nothing else to do and aghh... my blood boils. i feel like the youngest but most serious anime achetype even at its bare bones is actually rly interesting idk why they don't play it up. UM. Once again my opinion is that he should be taller LOL and maybe they should play up his kendo martial arts honorable training stuff more idk. tallest + youngest + most serious just seems like a recipe for success for me. well. theres still time. and theres always fanfic.

THIS IS SO NICE TO SAY and not the first time someone has said it but i appreciate it everytime because i really admire the mm art style so much. It's like part of why I got really into the movie because I really recognized my own artistic sensibilities and aspirations in the way they stylized everything.

UM And i feel like since watching the movie and looking at all the concept art and making my own art i do feel like its only become more obvious how much my own art is lacking LOL LIKE when you see something that feels so similar I think the differences only become more stark. those artists are definitely on a different level than me. But it's nice to hear people say it doesn't look so different from their pov. thank u ^^

thank u!!!!!!! i love mundanity and naturalism... there's something so beautiful abt it to me lol... I feel like my anatomy needs work actually but ive been feeling better abt it this year so it's good to hear! thank you!

DLKGDSGDLALSNDF WAS IT TOO FAR..?? firstly, yeah I was thinking late teen/young adult ages for both of them ie 18-19ish, definitely not the age the kids are in the movie lol.

but also they arent DOING anything in that pic it is literally just a confrontation + some innuendo... I think teens should be allowed some less than subtle innuendo.. its like one of the top 3 classically teen pastimes...

this is such a funny ask to get because i feel like i haven't been able to do thin lineart until like. this past year or two maybe LOL. UM having a line-centric art job helped I think. I started on craig of the creek back in 2022 and thats a show where we spend a lot of time inking so I had a job where I was constantly moderating my line weight 40 hours a week every week for over a year. disappointingly, much of improvement is simply horrendous amounts of practice.

Here's a tip though: I think a lot of thin lineart boils down to confidence. I think instinctively we read thick, bold, fast lines as confident but theres actually a lot of obscuring you can do with a thick line. if you're not sure whether the nose on the face or a browline should be a little more left or a little more down you can hide that with a thick line and pretend its a shadow. or hide it with a bunch of quick lines and the eye can kind of approximate where looks best among the mass.. whereas a thin line is rly singular and stark and hides nothing, it needs to be precise. so anytime i know i want thin lineart i spend a LOT of time sketching, making sure i know exactly where i want my lines to go. so im not second guessing by the time im inking...

ok thats kind of a broad tip lol... here's one thats more applicable: IF POSSIBLE, lower your pressure sensitivity on your device. most devices have some way to edit your pressure sensitivity curve. I use a surface pro at home and this is what my pressure curve looks like most of the time.

When I work on a wacom it looks even more like a reverse L shape LOL. I'm naturally a really heavy-handed artist and I use a "light" or "hard" pressure curve to compensate for how hard I'm always pressing on the pen lol. if you're like me and you struggle with going too hard with the ink too fast... this will probably help a lot!

SFHASLDFH I LOVE THIS ASK this is like the type of question a person gets asked when chalk drawing on the sidewalk at recess LOL. but i understand because I've been struggling also for like. months. I think I'm finally starting to nail it down though so here's some of my observations.

[feel free to save this img but **please do not re-post it or share broadly**. my biggest fear in the world is to spend 30 min on some notes and become a widely proliferated art tutorial im not even kidding. i made it low contrast and difficult to read on purpose.]

my other tip is to just look at and study a lot of reference because that's all ive been doing. the tmnt are really cartoony so its difficult to use like actual anatomical reference unless ur going for that look BUT theres been so many adaptions in so many different styles that there's a real treasure trove of stuff to look at for how to simplify, stylize, and dissect these characters while keeping the recognizable essence. so theres lots to pull from.

If you want to expand further, it's also good to have 5) something sci-fi 6)something fantasy 7)something mundane/slice of life. a bedroom is a really good go-to. And of course some bgs can be two or more of these things at once.

I've definitely answered asks abt bg tips before but here's one specifically for if you want to do bg design for a job:

Your portfolio should probably have at least one of each of the following 1) an interior 2) an exterior 3) a cityscape 4) a nature scene. Just to cover kind of the basics of what you'd be asked to draw on any given project.

I actually feel like I don't have that many cityscrapes in my portfolio... this is something I'm gonna try to work on in the coming year LOL. OH ALSO. This is a very basic tip and people will tell you it all the time but its worth repeating: look up portfolio websites of artists who have the job you want. An easy way to do this is to go onto imdb for any cartoon or movie you like and to find the names listed as "bg/background designer" or whatever then just google that name +"art" or "animation" most artists have some public facing internet presence so it's not hard. spend time studying their work and hold those images in your head! it's a good way to get a good idea of what "industry standard" looks like and comparing ur own art to it... I know people sometimes get bummed comparing their art to others but if you can keep your head up lol.. it'll help you figure out what you need to work on!

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ok thats all i have to say sorry for typing so much. happy new year everybody who read this far LMAO!!!!!

[nejishadow]

PART 2 of Kenjikoto / makokenji drabbles and general Kenji ramblings from the Kenji discord.

Wanna see me ramble about them in real time, bounce ideas, think way too hard about Kenji headcanons and generally just wanna talk about Kenji?? Join @bakafurai's Kenji Discord! Link in its' bio!!

Like my other post, you're free to be inspired by these ideas for this ship, flesh them out, fanart / fanfic whatever! I encourage it because I haven't written fic in years! Just tag me, link me, something, because people being inspired by my work is the biggest boost to my productivity ever. I also recently moved so I can't draw until I get a desk, so I can only ramble forever lol

Everything under the read more because there's a lot and they're long.

General Kenji Headcanons and Thoughts

@shadowfreak98 and I were discussing the idea of if Kenji would like sour candy. It was brought up Kenji's pretty picky, and doesn't like people who eat food they don't enjoy, so a good chance he wouldn't like sour candy - it's painful, not enjoyable!! This combined into: His sister probably likes sour candy, so it's always in his bag, even with him not liking it. Makoto gets a lot of them, since he seems the type to eat 4 warheads just to see the results.

---------------

Since Makoto dresses very casual in summer and his winter is more "formal" (??) and Kenji criticizes Makoto's fashion sense, I've assumed Kenji likes more punk-y alternative stuff. Odd that Atlus gives multiple Magicians canonical interest in fashion but then doesn't expand or give particular examples. Chokers are generally first associated with punk-y cultures, which a lotta street fashion dips into, and I can see Kenji's camo cargo starting to go in that direction.

I am horrible at putting together outfits, but mid 2000s street fashion Kenji and Makoto can and should exist.

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General Kenjikoto Stuff

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Makoto getting tired of hearing Kenji criticize his fashion but not giving great tips. Kenji going alright, come to my house after school. Has a ton of different clothes, he can think of some things that'll work! Kenji throwing half his wardrobe at Makoto, but realizing. Having Makoto try on these outfits means Makoto is wearing his clothes. He's not sure how this is making him feel... pivot! None of this fits, Makoto is taller, we're going shopping!!

Related idea from bakafurai that Kenji does give Makoto one larger hoodie from his closet because oh no. Makoto looks really cute in it. Just take it! Ordered it online or something but got the wrong size, could never throw it away. Lets Makoto keep it (little bit out of panic little bit out of honesty), but regrets it (not) as he now thinks about it whenever he looks in his closet.

Meanwhile Makoto at the dorm sunk into the couch with it, drinking something warm, just… comfy.

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Kenjikoto kiss (maybe first kiss?)

Makoto, gently holding Kenj's face, can tell he's a bit nervous. So he starts with the forehead. Then the bridge of the nose. The cheek, and finally the corner of the mouth. Leans back a bit to give Kenji space, a chance to back out. But Kenji's the one to lean forward and actually meet their lips. It's a bit clumsy but it's honest and it's theirs.

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Kenjikoto is in my heart of hearts autism4autism and this image sums up my thoughts perfectly. Not one I rambled about because I didn't have the energy but one I very much would love to see explored.

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Kenji makes just the worst joke ever heard Makoto can't help but chuckle a bit, but can't stop it from turning into an actual laugh Kenji goes a bit wide eyed just - oh… I want to hear this all the time

"Don't ever tell that joke again, it's horrible." (Lying) "Ok, ok, I promise." (Lying)

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Kenjikoto wedding

Makoto wearing a very plain suit - "What, isn't this what I'm expected to wear?" Pulls at the lapel

"… Makoto. It is YOUR wedding, not theirs. We're getting you something that'll make you light up the whole room."

A moment of silence … shrug "ok. If you say so." He's happy Kenji cares so much but - can't express it in an eloquent way

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The Section All About AUs

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Short ramble based around @bakafurai's Reversed Fates AU This is one that only bakafurai has permission to expand upon or use since it's directly based on his ideas

Kenji moping/stressing around the dorms for awhile, maybe he studied hard for some tests but still didn't get amazing scores, any reason

Makoto notices, but doesn't know what to do to fix it. Studies and researches, because he knows prolonged stress isn't healthy.

once he's gathered his info, he goes to see Kenji in the kitchen the next morning, and gently pulls him into a hug, as best as he can do

Kenji just huh?? Bwuh what?? Freezes up cause it's too early to think

"I read several articles that body contact relieves stress… is that incorrect?" Steps back a smidge, but keeps a hand on Kenji's arm. "Your heartrate went up instead. Apologies. I should have asked, I still haven't mastered mannerisms."

Kenji, now awake to realize how he reacted panicks a smidge, just "No, no Makoto it's not your fault! I… just wasn't expecting it. Once you get around our age people just… kinda stop giving out hugs like that."

A head tilt from Makoto, processing but a bit confused. "I didn't read anything about hugs losing effectiveness, why would they stop?"

Kenji contemplates for a second, and decides it's too early and I'm too hungry, I'll have that convo later. "It's complicated, ok? I'd need a lotta time to go over that. Never mind it! Let's just… try that again?" Opens his arms a little

Makoto nods and slips back into the hug, maybe holding a bit too hard, but Kenji thinks, actually this is kinda nice, relaxes somewhat

Bonus if Kotone comes down trying to rush, and doesn't care about this at all: she's irritated they're blocking the fridge and she needs her food dang it, do this somewhere else!!

It's all rough ideas what can you do.

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Wrong Number AU

starts pre Makoto transferring in

he flirts with a girl and he thinks it's going well, gets her number (but oh no she gave him a fake number gasp)

texts it later at night because he doesn't want to seem too enthusiastic. But shortly gets a response telling him 'I didn't give out my number to anyone. Sounds like you got duped'.

Kenji, so disappointed, laments for a bit. Decides he's gonna text back the number to apologize for bothering them. But they don't mind, even offer to keep talking! Something like 'Nobody is ever texting me anyway, it's interesting to have a change of pace. Feel free to talk about whatever.'

is that… odd? That a stranger would want to talk to him? Well, Kenji doesn't feel that weird talking to strangers irl… this is kinda safer. They don't seem malicious

So Kenji starts texting off and on. Once or twice every couple days, about a new ramen promotion, about a horrible test. But quickly it's every day. To several times a day. He even starts sending photos of fun stuff he sees (never with identifying info, for safety!). Number even starts sending pictures back! They're never as hyped or excited as he is over things, but sends some beautiful landscapes and views of the sky.

Over time they reveal at least a smidge of info as they begin to trust each other - both highschool boys just trying to get through life. Number has an interest in photography but doesn't see a career in it, Kenji talks about his passion for fashion

People start noticing how much he's on his phone. Has it threatened to be taken away a couple times in class, his parents comment he looks happier when he's texting lately, they're glad he has friends he wants to keep in contact with

Rio's the first to actually learn the truth. They're hanging out and Kenji keeps taking out his phone, who is he texting so much he's picking it up every few minutes?? We're supposed to be hanging out!

He ends up telling her the whole recap, up to now. She thinks he's crazy. A complete stranger, they could be lying about everything! Do you really know them? She just wants Kenji to be safe. Maybe he should think of deleting it

And Kenji does think about it, honest… but… it hurts? To think of losing all that they built over the (I presume) months. Nobody else had cared so much, even with his sometimes clinical / flat text tone sometimes

promises her he'll consider it. Really

later, after mulling for so long, texts: "so. I realized I've referred to you as 'Number' in my head all this time. Do you have anything you want to be called? You don't have to tell me your real name! Something your friends call you?'

the gap between texts is much larger than usual. He worries. Paces a bit. Did he overstep? But text comes back

'I don't have any friends. Outside of you. Pick something for me?'

relief rushes in. It's ok. They're friends, he said so.

insert the him starting to fall a little bit. They reveal a bit more info at a time. Have super late night philosophical rambles

before anyone knows, a new school year has come around. Of course, Makoto transferring in disrupts their usual texting schedule, makoto doesn't check his phone during class. Kenji doesn't think to approach him, he has Number after all!

Unsure how long it would take to realize, cause you could either do

they do this for months more without finding out Or

they become irl friends, and dont know until they swap # s

Some fics, with the reveal of the number being the same, it kinda goes a betrayal vibe? But I think with these two it might be relief Especially if Kenji is starting to like "both" of them, and he's been a bit torn for awhile, about how to split his time and deal with his feelings. Makoto maybe even something like - I should have known. Maybe I did know but just… didn't want to risk it.

Thinking of the things they can say to start connecting the dots

one of the nights Kenji is hanging out at the dorm, Makoto's taking pics on the roof. "I have a friend who's kinda into photography. Maybe you can teach me stuff so I can understand him better!"

Kenji dragging Makoto shopping once he sees all his outfits are the same 4 colors with no accessorizing. "I don't know much about fashion… only know one person who does actually" "Well, now you know two!" Peace sign

Eating ramen and maybe Kenji makes a comment super similar to something he texted. Makoto notes it, but maybe dismisses it because it's a common enough comment about ramen

Maybe Kenji brings him a place he'd discussed with number as a fun place to go, and Makoto notes he'd never been there / to one. Kenji just thinks he attracts shut-ins

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Insanely short idea(s) for Angel / Devil:

If Kenji's an angel / Makoto a demon:

Makoto's a demon who got lost, was so apathetic he just wandered and wandered

By the time Kenji finds him he has zero bad vibes and / or energy, or at least ones Kenji can sense, so takes him in

If Kenji's just a regular guy and Makoto a Creature:

Makoto was sent to him to Teach A Lesson (could be Angel or Demon), but would rather just chill. More just turns into an extended hangout

If Makoto's a regular guy / Kenji an angel:

Kenji's first Big Job is to try and teach this guy to form emotional bonds / overcome his trauma, but by the end he's way too attached

Makoto doesn't 100% believe this is happening so goes along with it

I can't think of Kenji being any sort of demon or devil, because if he was he'd be awful at it lol. I think at most he'd be some spirit

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There's even more ideas I have but this post is already miles long! See you tomorrow for part 3!!

[fezwearingjellybananas]

Answer the questions then tag 5 fanfic authors

Tagged by @kitkatt0430 thank you!

How did you get into writing fanfiction?

My friend sent me a e-mail with some Doctor Who/Sherlock crossover fics to read and they were fun and I already liked writing but was too nervous to actually share any of it, so it seemed like a good way to practise being less nervous because it didn't have to have my name attached to it or be connected back to me in real life

I am less nervous than when I first started, but I'm definitely still too nervous to share anything with my real name attached to it.

How many fandoms have you written in?

AO3 has 25 on my profile but some are connected (like the various dctv shows and several different comics that are all dc)

How many years have you been writing fanfiction?

Ten! More or less, I don't have the very first stuff I put on ffn any more, but it's about 10

Do you read or write more fanfiction?

It probably varies from month to month depending on how inspired I am to write, but I think it might lean towards read, certainly at the minute

What is one way you’ve improved as a writer?

I may still be nervous often, but I have grown in confidence, which in turn does let me experiment with fics more- like using first person POV in the Barriscowest Sherlock Holmes AU, leaning more into horror with Nightmares, dipping my toes in the Eobarry sandbox, criticising the soulmate trope in Blank- without worrying too much about "this one is different will people like it" to actually sit down and write it, and I hesitate over the post button less.

What’s the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

I read an entire research paper on CFL quark matter for a throwaway line (and because I was curious) and I still understand literally nothing about CFL quark matter. I'm so glad I did chemistry not physics

What’s your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

All of them? I really love the ones where people pull out a line though, especially when it's a line I loved writing. And @goldheartedchaoticdisaster's Eobard insults, I love those so much

What’s the most fringe trope/topic you write about?

I guess I like playing around with rare pairs sometimes to see if I can make a story out of changing relationships around? There are a handful of ships where my fic is the first to use the tag, and there is still only one fic in the Tess Morgan/Tina McGee tag and I wrote it. The same is true of the Laurel Lance/Lily Stein tag only AO3 haven't listed it as a tag you can search for yet apparently, so that probably fits fringe

What is the hardest type of story for you to write?

I think everything has its challenges but the hardest parts are always when the characters don't know what to do because putting myself in their spot is also going to mean I don't know what to do, but to get the plot rolling something's got to come next

What is the easiest type?

Short, dialogue heavy conversation fics. Or I assume these must be since that is often what I end up writing

Where do you do your writing? What platform? When?

On my laptop, on my phone, in notebooks (though this is typically original writing, not fanfic), and typically mornings and evenings, but honestly whenever I've got a moment and an idea

What is something you’ve been too nervous/intimidated to write, but would love to write one day?

Original fiction. I've got the idea, I write little bits occasionally, but I know all my trouble writing that one stems from anxiety over what do I do when it's done. One day I'll write it though

What made you choose your username?

Doctor Who. I was panicking a lot and it was the first thing I could think of so I entered it into the box before I could chicken out yet again (Eleven has his "fezzes are cool" bit, the jelly is as in Jelly Babies, and the banana is from the Ninth Doctor)

Tagging @roboticnebula @ftl-faster-than-life @alittleflashvibe @annnesbonny and @spectralarchers if you would like to?

[squiddokiddo]

Greetings!!! I just wanted to say how much I love your art! The way you draw Gordon is my favourite. Your style is amazing and unique and I particularly love the colours you use, they're so colourful, and all the little details you put into it.

Thank you for all the aro & ace positivity too, I've needed to hear it lately.

I really enjoyed the fic you wrote, and if it is something you enjoyed and want to do more of, I would be very happy to hear more adventures of Gords and Squirt.

I like seeing whatever you make, whether its only Gords, or your ocs, or even just stuff that reminded you of them. And ocean stuff, the ocean is awesome. It's all cool, so whatever makes you happy!

I've kinda been lurking around the thunderfam for a while, hi. Your art is comforting and it makes me smile, so here I am to say thank you. Because, yeah, making any sort of art is hard, and you are amazing and deserve to hear it!

I feel like I should have a question, because this is an ask, so: What is your favourite sea creature, aside from Gordy, of course? :)

--AstraNite (I really like cuttlefish, they're neat!)

Hi, thanks so much for dropping me this ask. It was a really sweet surprise, I definitely needed a pick-me-up.💛💛

I'm going to try and address everything you've mentioned, give me a minute lol.

I'm really glad that you like my drawings, I haven't been getting a lot of comments on them atm so I'm really grateful for your feedback. It's interesting that you find my art comforting since a lot of the things I make are for my comfort too. I've said this before but I had a really rough childhood and TAG and Gordon have brought me a lot of comfort during some really tough times.

I'm happy to hear that my drawings are bringing other people comfort too.💛💛

°o𖦹°o𖦹°o𖦹°o𖦹°o𖦹°o

Ace and aro positivity: yes I'm also aroace and there's nothing but love for fellow aros, aces and aroaces on this blog.

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I'm so happy that you liked my fic, it was my first so I was really nervous and ocs can be very hit or miss but the fandom seems to really like Squirt which makes me so so happy.

I have been trying out more writing but none of it came out anywhere near as good as the first one. I do hope to post more Bigsquid and Squidkid adventures and hopefully expand on their relationship and Squirt's backstory (which is still an ongoing mystery to me) but I'd also like to try making things that aren't OC centered because I know it's not something everyone enjoys lol.

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Ok onto sea creatures, cuttle fish are very interesting, the way that they change colour to camouflage and intimidate other animals. Yeah they're pretty cool.

My favourite sea creature (apart from Gords) uhhhh I like sharks, no particular species, they're all cool. I think sharks have a really bad reputation when they're actually quite chill. They don't tend to attack humans, their eyesight is bad and they often mistake us for seals and other animals that they eat.

As Gordon would say: They're sea puppies.🦈🩵

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Thanks for dropping into my askbox, I hope my answers were ok. If you ever want to chat or anything my pms and inbox are always open.💛💛

[plushie--plush]

Almost forgot to meet my quota of drawing these nerds at least 50 times a year.

What’s in the box? Its probably eyeballs. At least its not one of X’s boxes.

Mer Chrism

[supernaturalgirl20]

Catching Feelings

Pairings: Marcus Moreno x nanny!reader

Warnings: Smut +18, fluff, angst, mutual pining.

Summary: After your sex filled dream about your new boss, your about to meet his daughter. This isn’t going to be awkward at all, right?!

*As always comments and reblogs appreciated*

Chapter 2:

The evening arrived sooner than anticipated. As the car that Marcus had sent round for you pulled into the drive, you find yourself gaping at the beautiful rustic home. You get out of the car and make your way to the front door, your nervous, which isn't helped by the fact you had illicit thoughts about Marcus last night. Oh god! Those hands and the thought of them slipping between your legs. No! Focus. You ring the door bell. Your lost in thought when a voice startles you

"Oh thank god your here, come in quick. Can you cook?"

"Uh.....yeah I'm not bad at it. I make a mean chicken alfredo"!

"Fuck.....sorry sorry.....Missy I didn't just say that."

“Is everything ok?”I say looking towards the kitchen. Missy grabs me by the hand and pulls along. I’m greeted to the sight of pure chaos. Marcus is hunched over the sink, seemingly in defeat and I can’t help myself I let out a laugh. He turns around with lightening speed, his hand goes to scratch the back of his head. Something he must do when he’s nervous. I catch a tinge of pink on his face.

“He’s a disaster in the kitchen, seriously you should see what he does to eggs.” I turn to Missy

“Ok, here’s the plan. How about me and you clean up this mess and then you can help me cook something up?” Shrugging her shoulders she says “sure.”

“Uh.. I will just..”

I turn to Marcus “ you….will go relax and we will call when foods ready.”

“Are you sure, I feel bad.”

“Dad just go.”

Holding his hands up in defeat “ ok ok, I know where I’m not wanted.” With Marcus gone Missy turns to you “ok let’s get to it.”

***

With the kitchen clean you fish out the ingredients to do your chicken Alfredo, explaining each step to Missy as you go.

“Is it always this chaotic at dinner or was that just for my benefit you say with humour in your voice. Missy let’s out a snort.

“Oh no that’s pretty much how it around here. My mom. Used to do the coming and since she’s gone dad tries his best but… I don’t know. My abuela normally cooks.” You see she is getting sad talking about her mom so you change the subject.

“Ok looks ready, give your dad a shout”

You all sat together around the table. “This is delicious, you are amazing.”

“Oh …thank you”

“Missy is right, this is the best meal I’ve had in a long time, really thank you. Also maybe don’t tell my mom I just said that.” You laugh at the fact that this grown man, and a heroic no less is still afraid of mom. Catching his eyes, his gaze is searing into you, you look away quickly trying to distract yourself . Standing you go to clear the table but are stopped with a hand on your wrist. Looking up you meet those warm brown eyes again. “No, you’ve done more than enough tonight. Leave all the cleaning to me and Missy.You can go sit in my study and I’ll bring you a glass of wine. Oh it’s just down the end of the hall.”

“Um… ok thank you.” Once you arrive into his study you can’t help but notice all the pictures he has. One in particular catches your eye. It’s one of Marcus kissing his wife the day Missy was born.

“I love that picture.” You jump slightly having not expected him to be there. “ I’m sorry I wasn’t snooping I just..”

“It’s ok, if your going to be living here you should know about our family.” You look up at him surprised “does that mean I got the job?”

“You we’re amazing tonight” he says moving closer, so close you can feel the warmth coming off his body. “Plus you have the Missy deal of approval, which really is the most important thing.” It’s as if she knew her name has been mentioned. She came bustling down the stairs all kitted out for bed. She comes up to you and without eating wraps you in a hug.

“I’m so happy your going to be living here with us, and thank you again for the nice food.” With that she ran back up the stairs to bed. Marcus gestures for you to sit.

“You have a beautiful home” you say looking around the room.

“It is…beautiful.” Clearing his throat he takes a seat beside you, leaving a comfortable amount of space between you. Your not sure if your relieved or disappointed. You make conversation by asking him about his wife. He takes a sip of wine before he speaks.

“It’s been four years since she passed. It was a car accident, drunk driver, she died instantly. He suddenly go quiet and stares at the floor like it’s the most fascinating thing. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have mentioned her.” “It’s ok, it’s only fair you know these things. Enough about me, tell me what makes you thick?”

“Me, oh gosh. I suppose family really. It’s why I jumped at this opportunity, I love children. It’s probably why I want a big family of my own one day.” He’s looking at you that way again. There’s something behind his eyes, you think it’s admiration.

“ I feel the exact same way. Everything that I do, it’s for Missy. Nothing else matters.”

“She’s a wonderful kid, you should be really proud.”

“Thank you.” Your suddenly aware that you both have somehow moved closer and your breath catches when you look into those brown eyes. A bolt of confidence course through you and you lean towards him. Marcus mimics your actions. As you inch closer you close your eyes. He whispers your name and you can’t tell if it’s a promise or a warning. Your still dreaming when he spills his wine all over you. “I’m so sorry here let me get something to dry that up” he’s says as he leaves the rooms be arrives back with a towel, and a change of clothes. “ I’m afraid this is all I have.” You look down to the clothes he has and notice there his own, a t shirt.

“No, thank you these are perfect.” With that he leaves you to change while he goes and refills the wine. When he walks back in he almost drops the glasses. His eyes rake over your body and he feels himself getting hard his thick cock straining in his pants. Seeing you there in his clothes is doing things to him. It’s making him almost feral. He wants to posses you. He is brought out of his thought when you move to take the glass from him.

***

You spend hours chatting getting to know each other when you look at his clock. “Oh god, I better go, I didn’t realise the time”. You go to stand.

“You can stay, I mean here, in the spare room, if you want?” Thinking it over for just a moment “that would be great actually.”

“Ok I can show you where to go.” As you enter the room you see a large king size bed, and the images from your dream flood your mind.

“I want you to ride me baby.”

“Y/N?”

“Sorry did you say something?” “ I said you can start moving your stuff in whenever you like.”

“Brilliant.”

Your unconsciously biting your lip and when you meet his gaze you notice his eyes are fixed on your mouth. You run your tongue along the bottom lip,knowing he is watching you. He clears his throat “ok uh…I guess I’ll let you get settled for the night”. He makes to leave when you say

“You could stay here too!” He stops suddenly turning to look at you. You can’t tell what he’s thinking. Afraid you have ruined everything you say “I’m so sorry, forget I said anything, thank you again…” Your rambling is cut short as his presses his lips to your hungrily. His hands trace the curve of your body, slipping under your top to grab your breast. You let out a moan. Suddenly he pulls away and rests his head to yours. “Are you sure you want this, I won’t be able to stop once we start.” “I’ve thought of nothing else since we met yesterday. Please Marcus, I need you to fuck me.”

He wastes no time and pushes you onto the bed removing the sweatpants he lent you earlier along with the t-shirt. Your laying on the bed in nothing but your underwear and he can’t take his eyes off you. “Your gorgeous.” “Marcus you have too many clothes on” you say with a slight pout. Stripping himself so he is completely bare before you,you gulp as you take in his thick cock. Will that even fit! He crawls on top of you and you moan when his obvious desire for your comes in contact with your core. You rock against him. He rolls onto his back pulling you with him so you are now straddling him. His hands run up and down your spine sending sparks of electricity through you. He moves to unclasp your bra “you won’t be needing this anymore.” Your nipples grow hard as they meet the cool air and you let out a gasp as he runs his tongue over its peak. Your growing inpatient now so you quickly remove your thong and line him up at your entrance. Slowly you sink down on him and his head pushes back into the pillow as he groans in pleasure. “Jesus, your so fucking tight.” You pick up your pace as you ride him letting out a loud moan. He puts a hand over your mouth “you gotta be…quiet…don’t….want…Missy..to…hear us” He look down to where your joined watching as his cock moves in and out of you “this pussy was made for me, isn’t that right baby?” Your unable to speak as your body is thrown into ecstasy. Without warning he flips you over and begins pounding into. He can feel his balls tighten as he nears his release. “Where…do ..you want..me?” “Inside, I’m clean and on the pill.” With that he fills you up, you can feel his release dripping out of you. He moves off you and makes his way into the bathroom. Arriving back with a cloth to clean you up. He gets back into bed beside you and wraps his arm around your waist. “That is not how I pictured tonight going at all.” You laugh “me either.” “You should get some sleep” he says and you feel your eyes getting heavy as you give in to the tiredness.

The next morning you wake to sunlight shining on your face. As you turn over you realise your alone. You put your hand on the side Marcus was and it’s cold, meaning he’s gone a while. You flop back onto the bed and put your hand on your forehead. Oh god what have I done.

Previous/next

Tagging:

@lunaserenade , @asta-lily , @maievdenoir , @librariantothejedi , @seasonschange-butpeopledont , @elinedjarin , @day-off-inkyoto @toomanystoriessolittletime

If you want to be added or removed please let me know.

[mrs-cavill-wife]

Forbidden Witch (3/?)

Pairing: Charles Brandon x Female Reader (Cassandra of Boudicca)

Warning: Fantasy. Language. Forbidden Love. Tell me if I miss something.

Author's Note: Yay, our sorceress is back! I'm so so so sorry for taking so long to back to this Fanfic. I've been sick, my mind got "blocked" and stuff but I'm back to it and sorry if this one is short. yes, I decided she'll have purple eyes. Hope you guys enjoy it, if you do, like, reblog and/or comment. I'm all ears to feedback.

Tag List: @lexyvaldez26 @thereisa8ella @natura1phenomenon @mrsavery @number1chonie @themanfromu @littlefreya @legendarywizarddetective @lovingbearherringhairdo @zealoushound @deangal-101 @everydaymultifandom @rmtndew @summersong69 @jgtfvhsg @tellingyouastory @sillyrabbit81 @nuggsmum @pussyverson @oh-for-fic-sake @foodieforthoughts @fanficlover91 @r-t-doll @its--fandom--darling @poledancingdinos @hlkwrites

Cassandra's POV

Soft knocks woke me up from my messy dreams. I blinked my eyes a few times getting used to the light. I sat up in bed and stretched my body looking around a little confused. Sometimes I have dreams so messed up that I forget where I really am, but within seconds, everything was fresh in my memory. Days ago, I saved a child, a boy, who was swimming in a river in the middle of the night. On the way back to his house, I found out that he is a prince, from the kingdom of Aluma, and since then, out of gratitude, I have been here, in a beautiful large and comfortable room, in the castle.

"Come in"

I got out of bed and Lady Juliette entered my room, just like every morning. I should have stayed only one day, two at the most, but the hospitality, the politeness, the ambient, the treatment of the King and Queen, the happiness of that little runaway, I couldn't refuse to stay any longer.

I smiled at Juliette, watching her open the curtains and the huge windows that looked out onto a beautiful balcony. Then she approached the bed and I stood up as she bowed slightly.

"Good morning, Lady Cassandra. did you sleep well?"

I tilted my face playfully looking at her with mock disapproval and she smiled shyly.

"Oh Juliette, I've told you that we don't need cordiality. How long have i been here? A few weeks, probably months, we're confidants, already friends and I have no title."

She's still shy and started to make my bed and I helped her with the pillows.

"I know, my la.. Cassandra.. It's the orders, I'm just a lady-in-waiting, a helper, I must respect whoever is above me."

I got closer to her after we make the bed and held one of her hands.

"I'm not above anyone else, we're equal inside and I consider you my friend and I want you to act as such, do we agree?"

When I arrived, I was a little unsure, but in front of so many good people, I had nothing to fear. And to make things better, Juliette and I got closer over time. I never had great friends, I guess I never really cared. Since from my childhood in Boudicca, to Aretuza and then to whatever path fate takes me, it's always been me and Atlas, but at the moment, I'm very happy to have someone, who really responds when I speak, at least with words, and not neighs. Juliette smiled happily and went to the bathroom to prepare my bath.

I went to the balcony, the view was just incredible, the birds sang, the sun shone and burned against my skin, on the horizon, I could see part of the Kingdom, the village, but in the distance, mountains. I took a deep breath, basking in the morning scent, eyes hooded, just concentrating on the sounds, until Juliette informed me that the bath was ready.

As soon as I walked in, she left so I could take off my nightgown. We're friends but I still don't feel good about exposing myself like that.

After a relaxing bath with warm water, rose petals and sparkling foam. I put on a robe and found a tray on my bed with my breakfast. It had fruit, bread and juice. Normally, the king and queen would like me to join them at the dinner table, but today was different.

"The kitchen is quite busy, the king is having an old friend today. He is very excited, asked them to prepare the best dishes."

A couple of days ago, I heard some buzz in the hallways. A friend of the king was coming to visit him and it seemed he was creating a commotion around the servants. Maybe it's my imagination, but the ladies looked as fervent as a pan of boiling oil. At a dinner, the king said he would love to introduce me to one of his great friends, I just nodded.

That same night, the queen visited me in my room with a woman. A middle-aged seamstress, a few strands of gray, the queen said she was one of her favorite seamstresses and the most sought after in the kingdom and among her royal friends. She asked the woman and me to talk, and agree on nice clothes for me. I had been wearing dresses loaned to the queen for a while and she knew I didn't feel very comfortable so she contacted her seamstress.

Since today is a big day for the king, I had several options above my bed, my hair was already done with a simple braid. Time passed and I couldn't make up my mind. Juliette was nervous about my lateness, soon the king's friend would be there. For some reason, I felt more indecisive than ever, I almost didn't recognize myself.

But after so much choosing, he manages to make a decision. I looked in the mirror, admiring my necklace and my dress.

"Not that bad"

I walked downstairs with Juliette behind me on our way to the throne room. Madeline played with her son's blond strands while King Alexander chatted with some guards. The castle was cheerful, everyone seemed to want to give the guest the best reception.

As soon as she was seen by little Eric, he smiled and ran to me. I bent down a little and we hugged. Eric and I have bonded, he's an amazing kid with a thirst for adventure.

"Oh dear, look at you"

The queen approached me, looking me up and down and smiling as if I were blood of her blood. Her cheerful voice caught the attention of her husband, who approached, he took my hand and twirled me around making me feel a little shy.

"Cassandra, with all due respect, you look beautiful today."

Madeline and Juliette both chuckled softly at my blush, which also made the queen elbow her husband lightly, scolding him playfully.

Noises echoed in the distance, some voices, horses and carriages

The big door opened, one of the servants reported that the duke had arrived. The king released him, taking his queen's hand on his arm and inviting me to meet his friend at the castle entrance. I walked behind the royal couple with the little prince beside me, chattering about something I didn't hear, my hands sweating with every step I took.

When we arrived at the entrance, I could see two carriages. One loaded with suitcases, so I assumed the guest was in the other. The door of the second carriage opened and a man was the first to exit and suddenly, it was like everything had frozen around me.

The birds stopped singing, the wind got warmer, the sun didn't burn my skin, which was now chilled, my feet felt numb and my heart didn't slosh with blood. A brief deja vu flooded my mind, the memory of my imagination, every detail I imagined came alive and was right in front of me.

Tall man, defined body, strong, noble, fair skin, blue eyes.. like the sky in a spring morning, dark short hair like the night, lips that held perfect white tooth.. I am dreaming or..?

"Charles"

The king shouted happy. The handsome man bowed to the king but quickly the two of them ignored the formalities and embraced.

"How long?"

Charles. It's a good name. And his voice.. only two words left his mouth but that sound, it was like i heard a fire, hot, warming my frozen heart... but with some air of danger, like an unexpected fire that leaves you anchored. He complimented the queen and her son then took back his attention to the king that respectfully, put his hand on my back, approaching me to your friend.

"Charles, I want you to meet someone."

Alexander talked and Charles approached, finally he noticing me and our eyes crossed.

"That's Cassandra of Boudicca, the sorceress."

Charles eyes got wided while showed his beautiful smile, he delicately held my hand and softy pecked my knuckles without taking his eyes from my face.

"My lady."

He said directly at me and I could feel the air leaving my lungs.

"I am Charles Brandon, Duke of Suffolk"

I bent slightly, still looking at the being that came from my dreams.

"Wow daddy, she has purple eyes"

My body woke up to reality with a sweet childish voice. I looked down and beside Charles, there was a little girl, blue and curious eyes just like her father..

Wait a minute? Father? Did she really say.. daddy?

"Yes darlin, but it's not polite to look at people like that and point."

A beautiful young woman exits the carriage and stands beside Charles and the little girl, bowing towards the King and Queen.

"I've never met a sorceress before. It's a pleasure to meet you, Cassandra, and I'm sorry for my little curious daughter behavior"

Daughter..? So she and Charles..?

"I am Phoebe, Duchess of Suffolk, Charles wife and MacKenzie's mother."

Yes, they are..

A few seconds ago, I found myself in some kind of.. dream? and now, it felt like the beginning of a nightmare. It's actually quite real, just like the shiny ring on her finger.

Charles Brandon POV

As soon as I arrived, I was greeted by the king and his wife, and their little son. I greeted them, I missed them, Aluma, the castle, the memories at each place.

After the greetings, Alexander wanted to introduce me to someone I hadn't noticed at first. A beautiful woman, with a gorgeous dress, braid hair, her aura was mysterious, especially with those bright lavender color eyes, her expression looked frozen. I was able to confirm that that wasn't just what was cold, as soon as I touched her delicate hand, I felt her fingers tremble, her palm was sweaty.

I cordially kissed her knuckles with my eyes still locked on her colorful eyes, I never saw something so pretty, so magical. Magic could be the right word to describe her, after all, she is a sorceress.

"This wonderful young lady saved our Eric."

Madeline said and my cheeks burned instantly. Charles laughed and ruffled the boy's hair.

"Still getting in trouble, Eric? You need to stop running away."

The king and I had a brief conversation, until Alexander invited us inside. We both decided to go riding, to remember the old days in battle. So I went up to mine and Phoebe's room to get ready as soon as the servants told us the bags were already there. We went upstairs and left Mackenzie and Eric running together.

Cassandra's POV

As soon as the King and Charles were getting ready to ride, I excused myself from the Queen and went to my room, without running, but walking as fast as I could.

I walked into my room and slammed the door, then leaning my back against it and laying my head back as my breathing was uneven.

How was someone I imagined, now, here? Face to face. There are many people with these features, but everything about it seemed so perfect, like when it turns a short story into a play, bringing people and events to life. He was a dream, but a dream I couldn't dream.

I jumped in fright feeling them knock on the door. I took a few deep breaths, trying not to look crazy, tried to look decent and slowly opened the door to find one of the servants.

"Yes?"

"My lady Cassandra. Your Majesty requests your presence in the stables. He would like you to join him and the duke to ride."

Oh great.. I don't think it would be polite to deny it so I nodded my head smiling a little uncomfortably.

"Tell him I'll be there in a few"

The servant bowed and left. I closed the door again and ran my hands through my face.

I'm not feeling myself anymore, feels like this man has awakened something in me, something difficult to control and I think I'll have to learn because I can't seem to get away from him and these confused sensations.

[littlestarofthewest]

Gahd I love your kinky fics!! Pls can u do one with a younger femreader & arthur? Like they like each other but she's younger so he's hesitant to start but then just shows her how a man his age gets it done *wink wink* I'm not into the daddykink but I do like an age gap haha I know youve just done creampie (it was so daamn good!!) but pls pls creampie & dirty talk 🤤 how Javier opened her up....I can imagine Arthur loving that 😂 ps. Honestly best fics out there! ♥️ Thanks for the prompts again!

Thank you for all the love, dear

Also dedicating this to @emily-strange who had a very similar request (you two should talk xD). Sorry I kept you waiting for so long (since freaking December).

Title: Young Love | Word Count: 9352 | Rating: Explicit!!! (18+)

Pairing: Arthur Morgan & female reader | Tags: angst and fluff and smut

Arthur has no idea what it is that makes you so different. Back when he and John rescued you, you were just a young girl that needed help, and by now, he wishes he would still feel about you this way. 

For months, Arthur tried to treat you like Mary-Beth or Tilly, a young girl that could very well be his sister. It’s just that you make it so hard for him. You’re not naive and silly like some 19-year-olds Arthur met, and although you’re more on the shy side, you still have a way of teasing him with winks and smiles that shouldn’t affect him as much as they do.

In the beginning, Arthur fell headfirst into your trap. He rescued you, after all, so you tended to stick to him, and Arthur let you. You were easy to talk to, with a hunger for knowledge and a good sense of humor, not easily offended when he spoke out of tune. 

When it became clear that you would stay with the gang, Arthur and John taught you how to shoot, and you went on hunts with Charles. After a while, Hosea also allowed you to take part in little heists, Arthur always by your side to make sure you were safe. 

It started then that he began to see you in a different light. You were smart and cunning, using your innocence to lure people in. Men, in particular, are unable to withstand your shy smile, and Arthur found himself to be one of them.

It’s not that you used it against him, but whenever you asked something of him, there was no way for him to say no. Soon, Hosea found bigger jobs for the two of you, calling you a great team. You ended up on the road a lot, often just the two of you.

Arthur did his best to act respectively, but you seemed so comfortable around him that you sometimes didn’t care much about decency. He got to see more of your long legs and your cleavage than was good for him, and you had no trouble touching him or sleeping closeby when sharing a tent.

Slowly but surely, Arthur got more and more enticed by you, and it got so bad that he dreamt about you in ways that were anything but decent. Soon, those dreams and reality blurred together, and Arthur found himself staring at you at the worst of times, imagining all kinds of inappropriate things.

Today, Arthur would give anything to not be in camp. It’s your 20th birthday, and since it’s your first one since you’ve joined the gang, Dutch announced a little celebration. Arthur gave you his present, a new hunting knife, early in the morning, and ever since then, he tried to stay away from you.

Now, Arthur‘s sitting on a log farthest away from the fire, nursing a beer in his hand. The others are going to town with whiskey and rum, the alcohol taking its toll. Karen is sitting on Sean’s lap, the two of them the loudest but not the best at singing along to the songs Javier plays. 

Once in a while, Uncle chimes in with the banjo, causing some laughs. Soon, most of the gang is drunk enough to dance around the fire. John and Abigail do a surprisingly decent job, not arguing for a change, while Lenny tortures your feet.

Arthur can tell that you’re soldiering on, but while Lenny is kind and wicked smart, he’s still not the most skilled when it comes to dancing. When Hosea gets up from his seat, Arthur hopes that he might release you, and he actually claps Lenny’s shoulder.

“My dear boy, I fear you need some more practice before we can let you dance with the ladies.“

Everybody laughs, and you give Lenny an apologetic smile, but he just shrugs, not taking offense. Arthur’s sure Hosea will take over now, showing Lenny how to do a better job, but instead, he turns around.

“This lady deserves a decent birthday dance,“ Hosea says. "Arthur? Would you be so kind?“

All eyes dart to Arthur, and he wishes the ground would open up and swallow him whole. He loves Hosea with all his heart, but sometimes he would like to smack him. 

"Arthur can’t dance,“ Sean blurts out, saying out loud what everybody else must be thinking. 

Dutch laughs at the heartfelt announcement. "No see, there’s a big difference between not being able to do something and deliberately denying the world your gift.“

Arthur shakes his head, ready to disappoint both Hosea and Dutch, but then Hosea points at you. "Come on, you can’t say no to a birthday dance with this lovely young lady.“

That’s exactly the problem. You’re young, way too young for Arthur, and he can’t say no to you, not ever. Looking into your curious face, Arthur puts down the bottle and gets to his feet. Hosea pats his shoulder, and Dutch applauds as if they already watched a great show.

"Now watch and learn, gentlemen,“ he cheers.

Arthur does his best to ignore everybody else, his eyes focused on you. A tingling feeling rushes through his body the second he takes your hand, and he leads you away from the fire to have more room. Besides, it will be easier to talk to you without the others hearing what he says.

"I’ll have to put my hand on your back,“ Arthur warns you, wishing he could say something that would turn you away, but you just smile at him.

"It’s alright, Arthur,“ you say, amusement in your voice, "I know how dancing works.“

Arthur swallows hard when he puts his hand in place on the small of your back. You rest your hand on his shoulder, and just like so many times before, you have no problem with being near him. Taking a step forward, you close the gap between Arthur and you, and he feels like dying when your body presses warm against his own.

Counting in a whisper, Arthur tries to give you an idea when to start, and then you’re off. Although Arthur hasn’t danced in years, it all comes back to him now. Just like shooting a gun, it’s something you do without thinking. Lead by Arthur, you have no trouble following along, and some of the gang members even whistle and cheer.

By the time the song is over, Arthur has a hard time letting you go. Still pressed against him, your chest rises and falls with the exhausted breaths you take, your face flushed, and your hair a little looser and out of place from being swirled around. You look as if you and Arthur did something way more indecent than dancing, the picture searing itself into Arthur’s brain.

To make the torture complete, you smile at him as if he just hung the moon, going on tiptoes to press a kiss on his cheek. "Thank you, Arthur.”

There’s clapping from around the campfire before Dutch and Hosea take turns telling stories about heists where their dancing skills were essential. When Arthur is sure that nobody focuses on him anymore, he takes the chance to sneak away, heading into the nearby woods.

On the first day at the new campsite, Arthur found a hidden arch in between two big trees that leads to a small meadow. He leans against a tree with closed eyes, filling his lungs with fresh evening air, trying his best not to think about the dance. Of course, he ends up thinking just about that, and especially about how you looked afterward.

“Arthur?" 

Your voice draws Arthur out of his daydream. It’s not you in his imagination, but you’re really in front of him. "What?”

“I’m sorry,” you say in that timid voice you use when you think you did something wrong, “I didn’t mean to disturb you.”

“No, it’s alright.” Arthur pushes himself off of the tree. “Just didn’t think anybody knew of this place.”

“I found it a day after we made camp,” you say, twisting the fabric of your skirt with your fingers.

Arthur knows that it’s a habit of you that only shows when you’re nervous. He’s not used to seeing it when the two of you are alone.

“Is there something you need?” he asks, thinking that you might have some sort of problem.

“I wanted to ask you something,” you say, still fidgeting with your skirt. “I know you’ve already given me a great present, but there’s something else I wish for, and you’re the only one I want to ask for it.”

Arthur’s heart pounds faster. It’s as if you know that he won’t be able to say no, and since you’re asking him in the middle of the woods, it’s probably something more than just a request for more shooting lessons. Still, Arthur can’t help himself. It’s you, after all, so he has to ask. “What is it?”

“In Mary-Beth’s novels, people always have these great kisses, but all the boys I’ve met were just-” You don’t finish the sentence, but Arthur has been a 19-year-old boy himself. They often aren’t that great with romance and tenderness. 

You take a step towards Arthur, making his heart almost leap out of his chest. “I’m 20 years old now,” you continue with a sigh, looking up at him. “All I want is one real kiss. With a real man. Like you.”

Arthur can tell how hard it is for you to say this, your voice getting quieter with every word while the blood rushing through his veins becomes so loud that he can hardly hear you. Still, you manage to hold his gaze when he’s looking for words.

“Those are just books, ya know?” Arthur says.

It’s the wrong thing to say. You shrink like fruit in the hot sun, all hope draining from your face to be replaced by sadness. Arthur hates to see you like this, especially when he’s the reason for it. But what else can he say? It’s not his place to give you any kisses. The way he thinks about you is already shameful enough.

“You’re right,” you finally say, your voice near tears. “It’s stupid. I shouldn’t have asked.”

You turn around, and Arthur’s heart stands still. He failed you. After promising to protect you, he hurt you more than anybody else. And why? Because of stupid rules. It’s not like you’re asking for something terrible. Just a kiss. Just a favor from a friend.

“Wait,” Arthur says, the word barely more than a whisper.

You turn back around, and Arthur takes your hand, tugging just enough to have you come back to him. You look up to him, waiting for an explanation, but he knows he doesn’t have the words for this. Instead, Arthur cups your face with his hand, pulling you closer. 

He feels like he’s drowning in your eyes, unable to stop now, so he leans in to close the gap between you. Arthur can hear you taking a shaky breath, his own chest feeling like it’s about to burst. He’s never considered himself a great kisser, but he tries to be gentle with you, knowing all too well what novels you’ve been reading.

At first, your lips barely touch, Arthur still giving you a chance to stop. Instead, you lean into it. Arthur puts his hand onto the small of your back the same way he did during the dance, drawing you in before pressing another soft kiss to your lips. Your hands come to rest against his chest, sending waves of heat through his body.

Arthur knows that this should be it. You got your kiss after all, but something deep in his soul keeps him in place. It kept screaming and clawing at him for months, telling him how much he wanted to be with you. You mentioning other boys kissing you awakened a horrible ache in Arthur, raging like a fire that consumes him.

Despite telling himself over and over that he can’t be with you, Arthur longs to have so much more with you. The thought that someone could take you away is killing him, forcing him to hold on to you. 

Arthur teases your lip with his tongue, and you eagerly open up for him, giving him a sweet taste of what could be. His hand runs down from your face along your neck, touching soft, warm skin before it ventures deeper. Arthur caresses your side, his fingers trailing along the curve of your breast and down to your hip.

With his other hand moving down to the swell of your ass, Arthur pulls you even closer, deepening the kiss. Your hot tongue brushes against his own, the sensation so overwhelming that everything around the two of you blurs. 

Arthur gets lost in your kisses, the warmth of your body, your scent, and all the promises your body makes, pressed against him like a second skin. His fingers claw into the flesh on your hips as he rubs himself against you, lust tightening his pants.

You let out a soft moan, and from one second to the next, the world shifts back into focus. Searing pain shoots through Arthur’s body as if hit by lightning. This isn’t one of his fantasies where he’s allowed to be with you. It’s real, and it’s you. A girl who deserves so much better than him.

Arthur steps away from you in a hurry, his tone harsh as he barks at you. “Go back to camp!”

You take a step toward him, reaching out. “But Arthur-”

“Goddamn, girl! Go back to camp, right now!”

Arthur’s never thought that he’d be able to even raise his voice when talking to you, but now he shouts, making you freeze on the spot. You stare at him for a few seconds before you finally come to your senses. You turn around and rush through the trees, running from him like a startled deer.

With a growl, Arthur turns around, punching his fist against the nearest tree at full force. He’d hoped the pain would drive out the thoughts about you, but even with his knuckles bleeding, it’s not enough. Memories rush into his mind, of you looking at him, talking to him, touching him. 

Arthur remembers the dance with every detail, and even worse, the kiss you just shared. Usually, it’s a gift to see something and be able to draw it right from his memory, but now it becomes a curse. He’ll never forget the taste of your lips, the way you held on to him, how your body melted against his. In dark, lonely nights, he’ll remember that enticing sound you made when he pushed himself against you.

You didn’t shy away from his touches, and Arthur realizes with horror that you might have let him do even more. You asked him for a kiss, but that’s rarely where the stories end. Maybe, you would have wanted more. Maybe, you would have allowed him to have you, right then and there, on the forest floor.

With a grunt, Arthur frees himself from his pants, stroking his cock so hard that it’s more painful than pleasurable. The thoughts consume him, the memories of you so vivid as if you were still there. 

It doesn’t take Arthur long to reach his peak, his cock throbbing, hot spurs of come shooting against the bark of the tree in front of him. Tucking himself away, Arthur watches as it trickles down. Out of control as he is, he could have done such horrible things to you. 

Consumed by shame, Arthur walks back through the trees, a plan forming in his mind. If he wants to protect you, he can’t be near you until he’s ingrained it in himself that he can never have you. Arthur has to go - far away.

——– 

You have a hard time focusing on your work, looking up again and again to sneak a peek at Arthur across camp. If you keep going like that, the water will be ice cold until you’re done washing all the clothes, and Miss Grimshaw will have your head. Still, you can’t keep yourself from doing it, almost like you need to have your fill of Arthur before he disappears again. 

With a sigh, you remember the time after your kiss. In the morning, Arthur was gone, only Hosea knowing where he went. He didn’t come back for four weeks, and when he did, he avoided you at all costs. You barely got to see Arthur at all for about three months after that. He either was in his tent or out of camp altogether. 

Over the last month, Arthur stayed more often and didn’t leave the second you showed up. You at least got a “good morning” out of him every day, and once in a while, you had brief conversations about the weather or the latest successful jobs of the other gang members. 

You feel like it still might take quite some time before things could go back to normal, if at all. You don’t blame Arthur, though. You risked your friendship over a stupid crush, using his kindness to trick him into getting what you wanted. 

Of course, you should have known that Arthur didn’t feel the same way as you. To him, you must be nothing but a stupid little girl that needs constant supervision and help. You asked Arthur for a real kiss from a real man, ignoring that you didn’t even come close to being a real woman. 

After all this time, you still can’t forget how Arthur kissed you, giving you all that you wanted while you had nothing to offer in return. All you could do now is to apologize and beg Arthur for forgiveness. 

With another sigh, you go back to scrubbing the laundry. When you carry the basket with the wet clothes through camp to hang them up to dry, Hosea and Arthur walk past you. You give them a quick nod, keeping up appearances for Hosea’s sake. Arthur looks up, and it’s the first time that you get to hold eye contact with him for more than a second.

“Mylady,” he says, his voice soft.

The two men keep walking without pause, but you almost trip, your heart pounding. It’s been so long that Arthur had a kind word for you, but the familiar greeting brings you right back into the time before the kiss when everything was alright.

Your eyes fill with tears, and you do your best to quickly blink them away, but when you begin to hang up the clothes, Mary-Beth walks over to you.

“Are you alright?” she asks, leaning over to get a better look at your face.

“Sure,” you answer, focusing on the laundry.

From the corner of your eye, you can see Mary-Beth looking over to Arthur. “I didn’t mean to say anything. After all, it’s your business if you get along with Arthur, but this? If he makes you cry in the middle of camp, I’ll have a word with him. I mean it.”

You’ve never seen Mary-Beth talking so fiercely, and usually, she adores Arthur. That she would pick a fight with him over you makes your heart melt.

“It’s not him, it’s me,” you explain. “I did something foolish, and Arthur is right to be angry at me. I appreciate that you’re trying to help, but please don’t say anything to him.”

“But the crying,” Mary-Beth insists.

“Happy tears,” you say, giving her a big smile. “I think it’s going to be alright again.”

Mary-Beth looks back and forth between you and Arthur before pulling out a handkerchief and giving it to you. “Fine. But if there’s anything you need, please tell me.”

“I will. Thank you, Mary-Beth. You’re the best.”

She blushes a little and finally walks away, giving you another chance to look over to Arthur. You almost get caught when he and Hosea come your way.

“Can we have a word?” Hosea asks you with a smile, and you almost drop the shirt you’re holding.

You can’t believe that Arthur would tell Hosea about the kiss, but you can’t think of anything else they would want to talk about. “Sure,” you say, your fingers playing with the wet fabric in your hand while your heart pounds so hard that you wonder if they can hear it.

“I’ve got some information about a rich couple that moved from the city into a cabin up north. Really secluded, good spot if you know how to live off the land,” Hosea explains, giving you a chance to breathe again. It’s about a job. Nothing more.

“And they know how to do that?” you ask.

Hosea smiles. “Not from what I hear. I want Arthur and you to go up there and check it out. You might be able to charm them, offer your help. Maybe you can find out if they still got more riches left in the city.”

“Or we could just rob them,” Arthur says, his voice barely audible, but Hosea nudges his elbow into Arthur’s side.

“Don’t act like the brute, Arthur. We both know you’re much more than that.”

You know that to be true, but Arthur just grunts as if he doubts Hosea’s words. You wish you could tell him otherwise, but you don’t even dare to look at him.

Hosea takes a piece of paper out of his jacket and hands it to Arthur. “That’s the place.”

Arthur studies what looks like a hand-drawn map while rubbing his beard. “I say we head out right now. If we make camp when it gets dark, we should be able to reach the cabin tomorrow by noon.”

You wait for Hosea to answer, but when he stays silent, you look up to find the two men looking at you, and you realize Arthur’s talking to you, not Hosea.

“Oh, sure,” you hurry to say, “just let me finish up here, and I’ll get my things.”

“Great,” Hosea says, “glad to have the two of you on this. I was worried I’d have to send Bill.”

He winks at you and walks away, leaving you alone with Arthur. You rack your brain what to say, but Arthur beats you to it. “I was kinda planning on wearing that again.”

You stare at him, drowning in his eyes until he nods to your hands. You’ve been wringing the shirt between your fingers, only now seeing that it’s one of Arthur’s. “Oh, of course. I just-" 

You turn around on the spot, hastily going back to work. "I’ll meet you at the horses,” Arthur says behind you. His voice is warm, flowing down your back like a sweet caress. It tightens your chest how much you missed him talking to you. 

“I’ll be just a minute,” you manage to say, only able to catch your breath once you hear Arthur walking away.

After finishing the laundry, you pack what you’ll need for the trip and say goodbye to the other girls. Mary-Beth gives you a wary look when she hears that you’re riding out with Arthur, but you give her a big smile to reassure her that you’re alright.

Not that you are. On the one hand, you’re looking forward to working with Arthur again, and the trip might finally give you a chance to apologize, but on the other hand, you’re nervous as hell. It’s been so long since you’ve been alone with Arthur, and he might still be angry with you.

With your heart almost beating out of your chest, you walk over to Arthur. He already saddled up your horse, checking if everything is in place on his own mare. 

“Hey,” you say, trying to make him aware of you.

“You ready?” he asks, not looking up from what he’s doing. 

“Yes, I am,” you say, and when he stays silent, you feel the need to keep him engaged. “Where are we even going?”

Finally, Arthur looks at you before handing you the map Hosea gave him. When you reach for the paper, your fingers brush over Arthur’s skin. It’s warm and so weirdly familiar that this brief touch tightens your chest again while Arthur gets back to his work. 

You stare at the map, trying hard to level your breathing without Arthur noticing. Finally, Arthur pulls himself up on his horse. “Ready to go?” he asks, and you quickly climb onto your mare.

As you head out on the narrow path, you hold the map out to Arthur. He takes it back, his fingertips trailing over your skin this time. Arthur doesn’t react at all, but your body fills with heat, brought on by the memories that have been haunting you for months.

Your horse keeps pace with Arthur’s while your mind drifts off, remembering how everything started. At first, you were just thankful for Arthur saving you. Even in your short life, you had to learn that there were evil people in the world, especially men when faced with a young girl. Arthur was nothing like that. 

Despite his own claims to the contrary, you can’t bring yourself to think of him as bad. He might be robbing people, but he doesn’t lay a finger on them. Just like he always respected you. At first, you thought of him as a good friend, a little bitter or sarcastic at times, but also funny, kind, and awfully sweet if he wanted to be.

Your feelings for him changed one day when Arthur helped you down from one of the wagons when the gang was moving camp. He waved at you with outstretched arms before lifting you down. You held on to his broad shoulders while his large hands closed warm around your waist. He set you down on the ground and smiled, having your heart pounding like crazy.

Maybe you’ve read too many of Mary-Beth’s books, hoping for so much more than there was, but everything changed after this moment. You found yourself staring at Arthur at all times, and somehow he turned from a friend to a man. You were always aware of his body and his voice, your body reacting to him in ways that often took your breath away.

After a while, you found yourself wanting more, and when Hosea sent you on all these jobs together, you even tried to seduce Arthur. Not that you had much experience on how to do that, but usually, a little naked skin and closeness does the trick for most men. Arthur didn’t react at all, not even when sleeping with you in the same tent, making you want him even more.

And then there was your birthday. The dance put a final nail into your coffin. There was something about the way Arthur held you, how he effortlessly made you follow him, and twirled you around. You wanted for him to do more, to take you like those confident men who swept the women off their feet in the books. 

Arthur disappearing into the trees was a siren’s call to you, and when he walked to that secluded meadow, it seemed like fate. This could have been your fairytale, so you put up all your courage, offering yourself to him. You imagined it many times, but then Arthur kissed you in a way that was beyond your wildest dreams. You asked for a real kiss but never thought that it could be that good. 

Despite Arthur’s anger, you still can’t fully regret what you did. Now that Arthur showed you how he feels, you have to make your peace knowing that you’ll never be with him. But no matter if you die alone or find another man, you’ll at least have the memory of one perfect kiss.

“Are you hearing me?”

Arthur’s voice only slowly reaches your ears, stopping you from wallowing in your memories. “What?”

“Let’s head for the saloon over there. They might have rooms.”

You stare in the direction of his outstretched hand, your mind racing. You planned to apologize to Arthur once you made camp, in the silence of the night. You won’t have a chance for that in a noisy saloon. 

“But it’s still early,” you say. “We can make a few more miles until dusk.”

Arthur’s already steering his horse off the road. “We don’t have to. We already made more than half of the way. You’re better off with a real meal and a bed to sleep in.”

You bite your lip, hating that Arthur messes up your plan by looking out for you. It’s infuriating and sweet at the same time, the embodiment of Arthur. 

After hitching your horses outside, you venture into the saloon. For such a secluded place, it has quite the amount of customers, even more so considering the early hour. You walk to the bar with Arthur, where he orders two whiskeys, but before you’re able to drink, he suddenly taps your shoulder. “Excuse me for a second. I know these men over there.”

He walks over to a table where a bunch of rowdy fellers play poker, leaving you with a burning sensation where he touched you. You make up for it by downing one of the two glasses in one go, contemplating to drink the other, too. 

“Now, who would let a sweet girl like you drink alone?”

The high pitched voice behind you sends a shiver down your spine. You’ve had men talk to you like this many times, but it hasn’t happened since you’ve joined the gang. When you were out, you always had someone like Arthur or Charles with you who kept idiots at bay without even trying.

“I’m not alone,” you say, trying to spot Arthur, but you’re suddenly surrounded by four men.

The one who spoke to you before comes closer, putting an arm up on the bar to box you in. “I don’t see nobody.”

“My husband will be back any second,” you say, hating how weak your voice sounds.

The man gives you a wide grin, presenting his half-rotten teeth. “He’s not here now, missy. Only you and us.”

He trails his fingers over your hand, and you react without thinking. Using the element of surprise, you duck below his arm, sidestepping another guy before he can grab you. Basically flying through the room, you reach Arthur, immediately clinging to his arm. 

Both Arthur and the men at the table are staring at you in surprise, but nothing in this world could make you let go off Arthur now. “I missed you at the bar,” you say, trying to sound casual, but your voice is shaking a little.

Arthur takes a look at them, and his eyes narrow, a wild look appearing in them while you can see the muscles of his jaw clenching. He reaches into his pocket before turning back to the men at the table. “Anyway, I just wanted to pay back what I owe,” he says, handing a few dollars to one of the men, “no hard feelings, right?”

The man counts the money, a smile coming onto his face. “Of course, no hard feelings,” he says, sharing the money with the other men.

“Have a good day, gentlemen,” Arthur says, tipping his head. 

As Arthur turns, he pries your hand away from his arm, prompting you to protest, but then he puts his arm around you, his hand resting on your hip as you walk back to the bar. Arthur orders more drinks and keeps standing so close that you can feel his body against yours.

“So that’s your husband, missy?” the man with the high voice asks from the other end of the bar, letting your blood run cold. You forgot to mention that little detail to Arthur.

“Excuse me?” Arthur asks, an edge to his voice that you know. It never ends well for the person he’s talking to.

The man sneers at him. “I’m talking to her.”

“You don’t talk to my wife,” Arthur says, the words making you shiver. Then he steps in front of you, shielding you from view with his whole body.

The two men stare at each other in silence, and you know that something terrible is about to happen. The man moves his arm, there’s a loud bang, and then he falls backward, blood trickling down his forehead. All eyes are on him as he collides with the floor, his gun slipping out of his hand. 

Deep down, you seem to relive every lesson about shooting a gun that Arthur and John have given you. You step around Arthur, pulling his second gun out of its holster and pointing it right at the man’s face nearest to you. He stares down the barrel with wide eyes while Arthur trains his gun on one of the others. You know you’re outnumbered, but you won’t go down without a fight, and everybody in the saloon just saw that Arthur might be quicker than them.

The men look back and forth between you and Arthur, contemplating if they can take you. Before it can come to that, the poker players get to their feet, taking position behind you and Arthur. The man who took Arthur’s money rests his hand on his gun.

“The way I see it, your friend here was outta line. That’s really no way to talk to a married woman.” He looks around, and the other men in the saloon give small nods to agree with him. “I suggest you take him out of here and be on your way. We wanna play in peace, you understand?”

The men don’t move until Arthur slowly lowers his gun. You follow his lead, and the man in front of you steps back. They put their guns away to pick up the body and quickly make their way outside.

“Thank you,” Arthur says to the poker players, and the man who spoke just shrugs.

“Never liked those fellers anyway. You fancy a game?”

“No, we’ll better be on our way.”

“Suit yourself.”

The men go back to their game while Arthur puts his hand on your back, leading you outside. He unties the horses, constantly looking around. 

“Why are we going?” you say, your heart still pounding from what just happened. “Wouldn’t we be safer with these guys?”

“These guys are only friendly for a prize,” Arthur says. “And the men who left was O'Driscolls. I bet they’ll be back in numbers. We don’t want to be here when that happens.”

Arthur gets on his horse and holds out his hand to you. “Come on.”

“I have my own horse.”

“I won’t let you ride alone when those guys might come up behind us.”

Arthur just shot a guy because he didn’t like the way he talked to you. It’s probably useless to argue with him now. You take his hand, and he lifts you up with ease. “Hold on,” he says, and you happily reach around his waist, pressing yourself against his back.

Arthur spurs on his horse, quickly bringing it into a gallop, barely giving you time to whistle for your own horse to follow. You ride hard until the sun begins to go down. Arthur checks both sides of the road to find a good spot for camp, and you end up on a hilltop. A few large boulders shield you from view while the higher ground lets you see for miles in any direction. There’s no chance that anybody could sneak up on you here.

You get a fire going, and Arthur sets up a tent while you try to make a decent meal out of the provisions you brought along. When Arthur is done, he sits down on his bedroll, and you hand him a steaming bowl. 

“It’s not the decent meal you were talking about earlier,” you say, feeling guilty that Arthur’s plans got all messed up because of you.

“I’m sure it’s fine,” Arthur says, bringing the bowl closer to smell its content. “I remember the great meals you used to make on our last jobs.”

You almost joke about that being a wife’s job, but while Arthur backed up your lie in the saloon, he might not find it funny. Instead, you eat your food in silence. When Arthur’s finished, he takes out his journal and writes, leaving you to stare into the fire. Everything is so nice and peaceful, you’re not quite sure if you should apologize to Arthur at all. What if that only rips open old wounds?

Sneaking a look at Arthur, you can see the difference in how he moves his pencil. He’s no longer writing but draws something. You tell yourself that it’s none of your business, but you’ve always loved Arthur’s art, and you are one of the few people he sometimes shows it to. Hoping that this might be something you can talk about, you crawl over to Arthur.

“What are you drawing?”

Arthur puts the pages together for a moment, looking like he’s embarrassed, but then he opens the journal and hands it to you. The drawing shows a campfire with a woman sitting in front of it, staring into the flames. You.

“You’re so good at this,” you say, your eyes fixed on the page. 

“Good at something useless,” Arthur grunts.

You have to disagree. It’s still a mystery to you how someone can capture life and emotions with a pencil and paper. The woman in the drawing looks lost, though. You won’t be able to just forget what happened, you have to talk to Arthur.

Putting down the journal, you take a deep breath. “Arthur, I’m sorry.”

He studies your face for a long moment, deep in thought. “Sorry for what?”

“The kiss,” you blurt out before you lose your courage. “You’ve always been such a good friend, and I took advantage of that. I asked you because I knew that you wouldn’t say no. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“I shouldn’t have yelled at you,” Arthur says, and you feel like hitting him for taking any of the blame.

“You were right to be angry. I should have known that you’d never feel the same way about me.”

Arthur takes a deep breath as if it’s hard for him to say the following words. “If you was a little older, or I was a bit younger-”

Arthur trails off, but your heart is already pounding. You thought that Arthur doesn’t feel anything for you, but here he is, drawing your picture and worrying about your age, not angry about the kiss at all.

“I thought you didn’t like me, Arthur.”

“Jesus, girl,” Arthur huffs, almost amused, “of course I like you. You’re right out perfect. It just doesn’t matter what I feel. It’s just not right.”

“It matters to me,” you say, your voice breathless as hope blooms in your heart, “I don’t care about the age difference.”

Arthur’s lost for words for a moment, but then he shrugs. “It’s not just that. You deserve way better than me.”

Usually, you’re not one to get your way. You accept what others tell you and move on, putting their wishes above yours. This can’t be one of those times. It’s too important, and you couldn’t live with yourself if you didn’t try everything to be happy. 

“I might be young, but I’m not naive or stupid. I know that you’re not perfect, but neither are the ranchers who hurt their cattle or the merchants who draw up the prices when the poor can barely pay them,” you say, talking yourself into a frenzy. “Unlike those fancy dressed crooks in the big city, you are so much more.”

Arthur lifts his hand as if to interrupt you, but for once, you don’t let him, continuing your tirade. “I fell in love with you because you’re kind, funny, and caring. You’re not lining your own pockets, but do whatever you have to to help your family and even strangers. You don’t take pleasure from cruelty, but manage to ease other people’s misery and pain. You’re a good person, Arthur. I really don’t see how I could possibly do better.”

Staring at you out of big eyes, Arthur opens his mouth, but nothing comes out until he clears his throat, his voice still hoarse when he speaks. “In love?”

It’s unnerving that this is the one thing Arthur took from this, but you said it, and there’s no point in denying it. “Yes, I love you, Arthur,“ you say, shrugging your shoulders. "I’m old enough to know that I want to be with you. Not a better or younger version of you, but you just the way you are.“

Arthur drops his head, his eyes fixed on the flames in front of him. You would give anything to know what he’s thinking, but you won’t ask. You said everything you wanted to say, and if that’s not enough for Arthur, then there’s nothing you can do.

When Arthur looks back up at you, there’s an expression on his face you’ve never seen before. You can’t tell if it’s good or bad, your heart racing in your chest. All you know is that whatever Arthur’s about to say next will decide your future together.

——–

Everything you said to Arthur is swirling around in his head, making him dizzy. For months, he tried to get over you, and Arthur only agreed to let you come along because he was sure he finally got his feelings under control. He should have known better.

What happened in the saloon showed Arthur how afraid he was to lose you, and calling you his wife, even as a ruse, made him happier than anything in a long time. After what you just told Arthur, the two of you can’t go back to things how they were before, and he has to admit that you’re right. You’re able to make your own decisions, and if you decided – for whatever reason – that you wanted to be with him, then who is he to take that away from you? 

Arthur‘s heart sings at the mere thought of giving in. No matter his feelings of right and wrong, nobody can blame him for losing this battle, not if you’re sitting there, begging him with all that you have to allow the two of you to be happy.

When Arthur looks into your eyes, the longing in his heart grows so unbearable that he can’t take it anymore. He opens his arms, inviting you in. "Come here.“

You fly into Arthur’s arms without a second of hesitation, proving once more that he’s doing the right thing. Arthur pulls you into his lap, and you put your arms around his neck, making him look up into your beautiful face.

"I tried for so long,“ he says, defeat in his voice. "I can’t get you out of my head.“

Arthur trails his fingers along your cheek as you smile at him. "You’re not supposed to.“

He draws you in, and you follow, letting him kiss you. Arthur thought there could be nothing better than your first kiss, but nothing compares to this one. This time, there’s nothing bad or shameful about it. 

You melt against Arthur’s body, your hands running through his hair while he holds you close, not wanting to let go ever again. Arthur wouldn’t mind staying like this forever, but you roll your hips, grinding against him.

"Arthur, I want you,” you say, looking at him in a way that makes his heart miss a beat, but then you cast your eyes down as if ashamed. “If you want me, too.”

Every impure thought that Arthur had about you rushes through his mind, and he has a hard time not to throw you down to the ground and have his way with you. After all, you deserve much better than that. He’ll respect your wishes, but he still feels like it’s his responsibility to protect you.

“Of course I want you,” he says, his words getting you to look at him again, “but we have time. There’s no need to rush anything.”

“Rush?” I’ve been thinking about this for a long time.“ You let out a little laugh before running your hand over your face as if you want to hide. "I even tried seducing you when we were alone, but you never seemed to care.”

Arthur can’t help that his mouth falls open, thinking about all those times he had to hold himself back. “You did that on purpose?”

“What do you think? I don’t just undress in front of everybody,” you say, playing with the buttons on Arthur’s shirt.

“You gave me such a hard time with that,” Arthur says with a sigh. “This is already bad enough.”

He’s holding you by the hips, feeling how you begin to move on top of him. “Then maybe I should try one more time,” you whisper.

You reach down to unbutton your dress, pushing down your chemise. This time, Arthur looks without reservation before leaning in and kissing the exposed skin. You bury your fingers in his hair, still rolling your hips, and Arthur has to admit to himself that you might not be as innocent as you seem. It makes no sense to treat you like a delicate flower when you’re actually the storm.

Arthur reaches down to hike up your skirt, his fingers trailing along the soft skin of your thighs. You hold still but reach down to help him, pulling your dress up right over your head. It takes a little fumbling, but it’s worth it. Having you sit on top of him in your thin chemise brings heat to Arthur’s whole body, and he can’t help that he’s getting painfully hard in his pants.

There’s a knowing grin on your face, almost as if you’re mocking him, and Arthur can’t take it anymore. He lifts you up and leans forward, carefully putting you down on his bedroll. Without hesitation, Arthur pulls up the skirt, and you wiggle under him, letting him undress you fully.

Arthur can’t remember having seen anything so beautiful in his entire life. In the dim light of the fire, your skin has a lovely glow, your body a perfect combination of straight lines and inviting curves. If he wasn’t so desperate to touch you, Arthur would have loved to draw you like this.

With his fingers, Arthur follows a line from your cheek along your neck, tracing your collarbone and climbing up the swell of your breast. Your nipple hardens under his touch, and Arthur can’t help but lean in and suck it into his mouth. You let out a surprised gasp, soon followed by barely audible moans when Arthur keeps teasing your breasts with both lips and hands.

You reach for him, eagerly pushing down his suspenders, and Arthur comes up for a moment to let you get him out of his shirt. Your eyes roam over his naked chest while your hands massage his muscles, coming to rest on his shoulders. You draw Arthur in, letting him kiss your breasts and stomach while your fingers dig into the skin on his back. 

Arthur moves even lower, his hands closing around your thighs. You eagerly open your legs for him, giving him a first look at the sweet locks that cover your mount and lips. Arthur traces his fingers in a swirling line through them before touching your soft center. You gasp again when Arthur pushes between your folds, enticing wetness greeting him. 

He wouldn’t mind teasing you some more, but you reach for him, beckoning him to come back to you. “Arthur, please.”

Arthur follows your plea, crawling over your body, his arms propped up next to your face. You pull him in for a kiss, your tongue licking into his mouth as if you might die without his taste. You keep him close like this while your hands wander down his chest and to his pants. You pry them open, getting hot waves to roll all over Arthur’s body.

The anticipation is unbearable, and Arthur moans against your lips when you finally close your fingers around his cock to get him out of his pants. Free from the enclosure, you reward him with slow strokes along his whole lengths, making Arthur bite his lip.

You soothe him with soft kisses, but you’re just as desperate, your hips moving under him. “Take me, Arthur, please.”

Arthur wishes he could show more restraint, but he’s dreamed about this way too often in too many ways to hold back now. He runs the tip of his cock through your folds, using your wetness to get himself slick as well, and when your fingers dig into his shoulders, Arthur pushes in. 

You’re so hot and tight, he hopes he can keep this up and goes as slowly as he can. You still gasp in surprise, and more sighs and moans break out of you when Arthur conquers you inch by inch. Once he’s fully sheeted inside of you, Arthur holds still, enjoying the feeling of being close.

“You okay?” he whispers against your lips, and you take a deep breath before being able to reply.

“God, yes,” you sigh, rolling your hips again.

Arthur dares to move with you. You kiss, again and again, hands roaming over heated skin, while Arthur pushes into you at a steady pace. Your hands wander around Arthur’s neck, and soon you seem to hold on for dear life. With your breathing speeding up, Arthur knows you won’t make it much longer, and the harder he thrusts into you, the more desperate become your moans.

Leaning in to kiss and bite your neck, Arthur finally throws you over the edge. Your thighs shake as you come, your muscles clenching around Arthur’s cock. You cling to him, whispering profanities he never thought you capable of knowing, and it becomes harder and harder for him to hold back.

Still, Arthur tries not to overwhelm you, but you keep moving, spurring him on. “Please, Arthur. I want you, I want all of you.”

With your beautiful, young body moving under him in ecstasy, Arthur can’t hold back his lust. His fingers dig hard into your flesh as he buries himself deep in your hot core, filling you up with his come.

You’re both drenched in sweat and breathing heavily. Arthur wishes he could ask if you’re alright, but he doesn’t have enough air. Instead, you share a few soft kisses. Despite that first wave of satisfaction, Arthur can’t stop touching you. His fingers trace over your smooth skin, leaving goosebumps in their wake.

Arthur’s been thinking about being with you for so long, he feels as if he’s in a dream. He kisses his way down your body, and when his hands massage your thighs, you open his legs for him. Arthur trails his fingers over your soft lips, making you roll your hips.

Teased like this, Arthur can see how your muscles work, and his come is swelling out of you, trickling down. The sight steers something inside of Arthur. It’s as if he marked you, finally making you his. 

He can’t help but touch you, and the urge to taste you as well overcomes him. Arthur leans in, running his tongue over your clit, and you let out a surprised moan. With his hands on your thighs, Arthur keeps teasing you with his tongue. 

He doesn’t mind his own taste that’s soon replaced with yours, your moans and soft cries growing more urgent. The way you move under Arthur steers up his own arousal. Caught between your legs like this, he can’t hold in his own moans.

You bury your fingers in Arthur’s hair, lifting your hips and urging him on with pleas for more. He happily indulges you, teasing you with his fingers as well as his mouth until you let out a frustrated groan.

Arthur stops and looks up to you, and before he can ask if you’re alright, you already push him back by the shoulders. The second he’s on his back, you crawl on top of him, rubbing yourself against his hardening cock. 

You lean in and kiss Arthur, taking heavy breaths in between. All he can do is hold on to your hips as you lift yourself up to push him inside of you again. Trapped in your tight heat, Arthur lets his head fall back. 

He might have marked you today, but at this moment, Arthur knows that you did so long ago. Arthur’s been yours from the start, and that won’t ever change, not as long as you’ll have him.

———

You dreamed about being with Arthur many times, but none of it compares to the real thing. His every touch sets you on fire, waking a lust inside of you that you’ve never known before. Longing to be close, you keep kissing Arthur, your body pressed against his as you move your hips to feel him deep inside of you.

All of it still seems like a dream, and you have the urge to make the most of it, feeling and tasting Arthur, desperate to make as many memories of this moment as you can.

Your eager cries fill the night, mixed in with Arthur’s moans, the both of you too desperate to hold back. You claw and bite, leaving marks on each other’s skin. The thought of the other gang members seeing them turns you on more than you ever thought possible. 

Now that Arthur finally agreed to be with you, you want everybody else to know. You kiss along Arthur’s neck and suck the skin between your teeth, biting down enough to make Arthur growl. His fingers dig hard into your hips, and he holds you in place while he thrusts into you. 

Arthur’s cock hits you deeply as he slides in and out of you with lewd sounds, and from one second to the other, everything becomes too much. You bury your face against Arthur’s neck as you fall over the edge, waves of pleasure rolling all over your body.

You cling to Arthur, and he holds you tight, his hips bucking as you shake on top of him. He moans against your ear, filling you up with his come as your clenching muscles tighten around him. 

For a while, you just stay like this, enjoying the warmth of Arthur’s body against your own. His fingertips trail softly over the skin on your back, and when your eyes threaten to fall shut, Arthur gets you to move.

After helping you into your chemise, Arthur carries you into the tent, and the second he lies down, you cuddle up to him. Arthur kisses your forehead and puts his arms around you as if he never wants to let go again. 

You just lie there for a while until Arthur lets out a long sigh. “I fell in love with you, too, you know. Pretty much from the start.”

Warmth spreads in your chest, and you bury your face in the crook of Arthur’s neck. “I love you, too, Arthur.”

“Do me a favor then?” Arthur says, the words turning into a question.

“Anything.”

“Next time, just tell me right away what’s good for us. I’m an idiot most of the time.”

You laugh, but run your hand over Arthur’s chest as if to wash the thought away. “You’re my idiot now, so don’t worry, I’ll tell you.”

“Thank you, darling,” Arthur says, squeezing you slightly. 

You close your eyes, feeling safer and more comfortable than ever before in your life. Everything bad in your past just drifts away, making room for happiness and a future you only ever dared to dream about. 

“You were right,” you say. “It’s just books. This was so much better.”

Arthur chuckles, and you fall asleep to the sound of it, the first time of many over the years to come.

[ihatebnha]

🦊hey!!!!!! I just read the tags for one of my asks!!!! I'm so sorry you get nervous responding to these!!!! Is it just the length? Cause I can trim it down, I really don't wanna make you anxious! I'm so so sorry!!!!

Awww, you’re so sweet ajdkfaskldk... i honestly don’t even know how to explain it... but it’s not you that’s making me nervous. i promise you’ve done nothing wrong and have no need to apologize for anything!!! 

it’s just... and bear with my terrible explanation skills here... 

it’s almost like hmmm... when you put time and care into sending me an ask, i want to put time and care into answering it.... except that, because of, I usually end up nervous that i can’t or won’t... and then put off answering all together. 

it’s not that i don’t want to... it’s just i get scared that i’ll do a bad job or it wont be good enough to be appreciated. the same thing goes for most prompts too... the more i want to answer... the less i actually can, and since i always want to answer everything... i usually end up either 1. answering nothing, or 2. answering just a long time later...  

(and i do this with a lot of things i get, not just you...🔥 knows this very well smh!!) 

So when i get your asks, it’s not that there’s anything wrong with them... because i really do appreciate them and want to chat with u, it’s just that i can’t always get to them right away... and the longer they are... the more i end up pressuring myself to do a good job when I do... both things which in turn make me nervous and is why i sometimes can’t respond immediately, or even don’t respond at all.  

also, the longer something sits in my box, the less i want to answer it anyway, mostly because either the interest as faded (for prompts specifically)(and not all the time, just if i havent planned anything for them)(and don’t worry because I usually do plan stuff for them, LOL), OR... im scared someone will be mad at me for answering something idk days, weeks, even months, later. lol :(

(it should also be noted that sometimes, not usually, but sometimes, long answers take me a long time to write... so it drains a lot of my energy and takes away from time i would normally spend writing other things, idk.) 

SO... it’s not like you’re doing anything wrong AT ALL, because you really arent, and i love everything thats sent to me!! it just should be noted that if you send something in, i might not respond... and if i do, it could take up to weeks. hopefully and probably not. but it COULD. 

i’m really just like... bad at talking to people normally and being chill about things. I always get messages like “you shouldnt feel bad!!” + “take your time!!” + “just respond however you can” but it’s really hard for me not to put effort into everything. so i always just... psyche myself out anyway lol.

please just know that it’s not your fault and i’m never purposefully trying to ignore ANYONE!! theres just not enough hours in a day to answer everything the way i wish i could. 

btw: prompts/requests go through a different process altogether. LOL. but yea. this is why im slow. because im NERVOUS abt pleasing you!!!

anyway i love you and i hope this makes sense!!! i promise its nothing about you, and that you should just keep doing what you do... because hopefully, i can catch up!!

[kaleidoscopeminds]

okay well you know what i'm here for. give me all the details on in a world of black and white. if you feel like breaking down the jalex spinoff as well i will not say no. i love you sooooooo much my love!!!!! xoxo bella

ok i’m actually so glad you’ve asked me this so i can talk a bit about what went into in a world of black and white, you wanted all the details so this is LONG but here’s how it went down!!!

i got you to write for and i was like eeeek so nervous!!!! i even said to hazel when i got you that i was nervous lol but i was like i just have to write the best thing i can using all of my available skills and that is basically a good memory of Things My Friends Like. i knew i wasn’t going to be able to write a jalex fic (lmao look where that got me) so i looked at your reader preferences and was like ok. friends to lovers lashton college au, lets do that, i just needed a concept to work around! then i was walking home from work one day listening to getaway green and i was like... what if getaway fic? what if getaway fic using the colour thing for a soulmate au? not using the actual story of the song per se but bits and pieces? and i got home and made a planning doc for it. it started with a few notes about soulmate lore, a rough “key moments” list, and a list of things to include for you<3 which looked something a little like:

snapback/flannel/lip ring luke

curly hair glasses ashton

make-up scene

hurt/comfort sick scene w/ tea

side jalex

michael having a crush on jack

luke saying he’s going to commit crimes when he sees ashton playing guitar

ace luke

i sent the planning doc to sam @tirednotflirting who said several wonderful things like “she’s gonna love it” which comforted me that it wasn’t a terrible idea. i also decided i wanted to include some lyrics from the song throughout which i KNEW could be kind of cheesy and jarring but i wanted them in there so i tried to make it make as much sense as i could but it still to make you stop and go oh! yeah!  side note there’s a a more vague one in this bit which i’m not sure anyone actually managed to pick out? when Ashton is sick at the end of that scene: Luke tries not to think how much he likes at he idea of being what Ashton needs. as a loose reference to “keep on tellin' me I'm what you need”

most of it i found quite easy to write, i liked getting to have luke as the sweet boy who is desperate for a soulmate and ashton the slightly pretensious and cynical art student, michael was so fun to write as he always is with my muke friendships and calum who is mentioned very infrequently but has some of my favourite moments: michael hanging off him like a large and cumbersome scarf, and the bit where he says “not you babe” which still makes me laugh! the other thing i loved writing was the pretty colour words. i hadn’t done much of descriptive type stuff and i really did enjoy getting a chance to be a bit flowery and go off on one with some colour symbolism. i’ve always liked writing dialogue which i think is one of my strengths, and i think i’ve grown a lot as a writer since this fic but i do like that i did a bit of that kind of writing here which was out of my comfort zone!

the infamous cheese-ball scene didn’t get written in until quite near the end, i was having a bit of a crisis over the end, i’d written the last scene but i was finding it really tricky to know how to progress between the bit with Ashton finishing his project and the actual resolution and i was like i want some classic drink fueled flirting to get a bit of tension and then i was like.... omg i have an idea.... i had a conversation with the lovely sam who was my biggest cheerleader i love that girl i also at this point had still not decided on luke’s major but i decided to go fuck it and go all in on the pandering<3

we’ve discussed this before about not liking miscommunication and conflict so i didn’t want any of that, and i also hate outside interference in relationships as conflict so i didn’t want that either, but i thought the not-knowing thing was maybe just enough to be a reason that they don’t go for it without there being some terrible ~thing~ happen for either of them. it might make it a bit boring but i felt like it worked here! them pining but also kind of knowing they like each other but also not wanting to say it? it felt right to me!

the other thing i want to mention is me not putting everything in the tags because i knew you would read them and i wanted to surprise you, i did a couple of hints to ace luke before we got there in the fic, and i thought it would be soooo fun to have jack show up out of nowhere then alex too because i thought you probably wouldn’t expect that from me!

which brings me to getaway jalex. wow. i never saw myself including jalex as a side pairing simply because i did not know enough about them but i was like i need to at least TRY and i can always scrap it if its terrible. SO i watched a few interviews, a few yt compilations. i wanted to have jack being the professor just because i thought it would be fun to have him be a bit of a menace about it? that’s why i went for him over alex. and then the dialogue was funny, i just wanted to pull a couple of things that made them convincing as i was so like ??? about characterising them, which is where obviously professor boy came from, and also the bit where jack repeats himself the “ever thought about that?” as it was something i picked up on watching stuff! and him pretending to be outraged at alex swearing was just something i saw them doing! i wanted jalex to be the epitome of what i think (and luke thought) a soulmate SHOULD be which is not necessarily desire and pining and all consuming romance but its about annoying each other and being a constant presence and understanding each other better than anyone else and casual touches. and THATS basically where the whole premise for the spin off comes from because its just a slice of life of that extreme comfort of having a person, your person in every sense of the word. we had a little conversation about getaway jalex and i genuinely was not going to write it and then i had the idea for the papers that jack could be grading and the jokes about luke and alex being lead singers and i was like AHA i’ve got it i can do this!!! and it turned into possibly the softest most romantic thing i’ve ever written which is crazy

[sumeshi-t]

✨ self-ship tag game ✨

PART 2 | IwaLee (here you go, discord)

sorry if it's corny/cheesy LMAO my brain empty i can't think of anything to make for iwa's birthday i'm such a dumbass. was also supposed to draw an nsfw-ish thing for this but ya girl is feelin’ out of it lately sjhfalhj

How we met:

okay let’s just say i’m smart enough to land myself a scholarship in socal since i’m taking physical therapy anyway

i feel like... we would meet in the library LMAO what asian nerds

maybe i’d end up bothering him with the way i’m murmuring anatomy stuff and talking to myself when studying

so he overhears me struggling to remember that one word and he’s gonna fucking answer for me like okay sorry bud i’m stupid

jk i won’t react like that i’d just be like, “yes!” and turn to look at whoever it was who answered and say thank you because i’m so immersed in my own bubble of “knowledge” and big brain

when i notice that he’s actually cute i’d be fucking red in the ears out of embarrassment when he tells me to tone my voice down lmao so i apologize for being a bother :(

actually says, “don’t mind” damnit his english do be cute. just two asian kids far from home with accents

it’s awkward, but i’d steal glances at what he’s studying. would probably get caught after a looong while, but it’s bc i’ll be blanking off, brain tired

“do you have anything you want to ask?” he’ll be dropping his pen over his notes leaning back and stretching, bending his neck, rolling his shoulders while waiting for my answer

“omg i’m so sorry, i didn’t mean to stare.” then i ask what his program is just bc he could be in one of my classes and i didnt know

anyway, turns out our schedules were pretty similar, we live in the same area/dorm, so like there’s always a chance for us to meet somehow

we wouldn’t give numbers to eo on that same day; like give it about two weeks of constantly bumping into eo before that happens

watch me share my highlighters with him, exchanging notes, passing some snacks beneath the table like its weed or sumn

from lib meetings to getting lunch together to being invited to watch his games (in freshman year i’d still go because i’d be less busier)

i would definitely use the honorifics on him, from “iwaizumi-san” gradually to “iwa-kun”; he won't admit that he likes it because it's a little piece of home

would convince to practice palpation with him because his body is a perfect example–

"wh-why don't you ask someone from your class?"

"i'm not that close with—are you blushing? omg you are!"

somehow i joke around, "i won't touch your dick," then i'd laugh at his reaction.

anyway, in return for using his body as a model, i have to sit through a godzilla marathon with him

the first time he sees me breakdown from the stress he's kinda flustered at first; but he's seen similar things with oikawa so he has a faint idea what to do. damn his hugs feel so warm, so safe

i'm quicker to open up to him, once i got comfortable; and reassurance that if he needed someone to talk to i'll also be there

basically a slow burn best friends to lovers kinda thing

ngl i'd be crushing on him by the time we're entering second year maybe? but because we're friends i always throw the thought away because i don't wanna ruin what we have

but da heart wants what it wants

it would take: the teasing of his buddies back at japan after seeing him post ig pics of us together (it was me who did it, i grabbed his phone); and, my own set of friends getting annoyed at me for always being in denial—all these just for us to finally come into terms with what we feel for eo

"i have something to tell you," we'll say to eo before we enter the lib ksksksk

"oh, you go first-" "no, you-"

it's awkward but i'll be the first to confess and he's 👁👁

"you... what?" "smh don't make me say it again, iwa. does this mean we're not friends anymore?"

"yeah"

"oh..."

"because i like you too. you... wanna go out with me?"

First date x type of dates:

study dates are automatically a thing for sure; we've upgraded from lib to cafe dates

since we're like, friends before this, potential stuff for first dates are already crossed out since we've kinda done them already???

so this issue was raised and his mind said, "then let's redo everything,"

the first thing we did outside campus was go on a foodtrip. because i was craving filo food, and he was craving jap food. and then i have this kinda habit that when i get to eat something delicious, i silently squeal or hum in my seat he finds that cute

the "first date" doesn't really have to be grand because we're like... close friends with feelings. so we don't have to try hard to please each other. everything just feels natural when we're together

anyway, we try out the food we didn't have before. he still prefers sinigang over adobo. he's still kinda amazed where i put all the food after eating a bowl of ramen that's good for two

he's gonna take a pic of me in that excited face i make when the food is placed before me and make it his wallpaper (homescreen) secretly

after that, we're just walking, me telling him about something i watched or nerd talk, then he slips his hand against mine, holding it and pulling me closer that it makes me shut up–so he laughs

"that's all it takes to get you quiet, babe?"

"w-what? also... did you just call me babe? because i didn't think i'd like it,"

"i know something you'll like," he stops walking, then, with his free hand he cups my face and pulls in for a kith kith 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

i am blushing when i tell him, "that your first kiss?"

"y-yeah, why?"

"same"

we were already walking and he swoops in for a quick peck again, "then that's the second,"

he says that with a little frown on his face, cheeks also flushed and ugh soft!lee—i lean my head against his arm because i'm too short to put it above his shoulder. but anyway i tell him, "didn't think you had it in you to be this soft for me,"

"sh-shut up"

it doesn't seem romantic because ✨it doesn't have to be when we're already happy✨

While we’re dating:

he saves all the selfies i send him; whether it's the meme-ish ones or just me feelin' good about myself he's got them saved

notebooks getting interchanged kskskss it's terrible because one minute i'm reading my notes about pharma, then i flip a page and i see stuff about sports science like–???

tho what makes it cute is that he has tiny scribbles on corners in hiragana or maybe kanji and some random zigzag lines over some words–a sign that he fell asleep with a pen in his hand

i have lots of caps (that are majority of my dad's but i like them all so i brought sum) and he just... gets one from behind my door (it's the same energy as the hoodies thing)

and i 🥺 bc he actually looks good in caps like??? sir that's illegal

ok but walks in the beach at sunset

also surfer!iwa???? mhhhh yes yes living the dream honestly

ofc volleyball is involved, he's kinda pleased i can play decently. it's either the gym or vb

he would force me to go to the gym smh "you're a PT aren't you? shouldn't you be moving around too?" i'm gonna grumble but the sight of his er, toned body before during and after exercising is the best reward

actually its a win-win, he likes how my butt is outlined by my jog pants and how for him, i still look good even if i'm sweaty all over

hehe we'd end up getting horny by the time we reach the dorms–you know the rest and afterwards:

"so, you'll go to the gym more often now?"

"if it ends up like this, i wouldn't mind,"

we teach eo our mother language! but only on our spare time. omg imagine him telling me "mahal na mahal kita"??? i'm??? or when he's chatting with oikawa (especially that one time he sent a selfie of him and ushijima) he uses tagalog swear words if he just wants to mess with his best friend

vidcalls with each other's fam—i mean, for my parents they know we've been always close, and like, it will be my grandma/dad who'd ask him, "when will you court my granddaughter/daughter?"

he got so nervous, he stuttered, "i'm... i'm courting her already,"

anyway they approve of him because he is smart^TM and a good man 🥺 because they know he has ambitions in life the same way that i do have my own goals i wanna achieve

meanwhile me, i'm gonna be so nervous trying to speak to his fam, but they're all so sweet so i tell him afterwards, "so that's where you get the softies,"

anyway since this is college we're talking about, every passing year, we both become busy, especially when internships come around

but when he can, he'll fetch me from the hospital with comfort food because he knows it's been a rough day and he wants to make sure i'm taking care of myself 🥺👉🏻👈🏻 lowkey i try to do the same for him because he deserves it; but he says it's okay and that i should be preserving my energy for my studies 😭

[cellmint]

Long Night P.2

Monster Apex Legends Au

Vamp. Crypto x Adventurer Wattson

WordCount-1965

Warning/Tags: None

Our fellow adventures reach the witch's home located on the swamps.  They meet friendly creatures a werewolf named Mirage who was wearing some cowboy clothes a friendly skeleton named Pathfinder.

Wattson open the door smiling. There was a very strong odor of herbs potions spices. A purple smoke covered the brew in which a woman was located thinking, hearing the door open she moved her attention to them.

"Hey wraith!" The werewolf turned back into his human form grabbing a piece of cloth putting it on.

Since his transformation broke his current clothing. Wattson look at the witch while Crypto follow behind observing the small house. Crypto felt bothered by the scent.

"Hello." She waved her hand.

Wraith look at Wattson and made a soft smile.

"Hello there. What brings you into these parts." Wraith ask.

"I'm in need for some potions to help Tae with his temporary amnesias he received every time he wakes up." She spoke.

"Hm... If you bring me specific items. I could help make a potion for him." Wraith spoke.

"What items?" Crypto wonder leaning against the wall.

"First im going to need a specific type of pumpkin which grows in the hallow garden its color is lights blue very rare full of magical properties. There you will meet a protector. Do be very warry of them, they are an old friend of mine." Wraith respond.

"One thing? That's great" Wattson smile.

"Multiple, then you will meet a dangerous creature located in an abandoned fun house. His very unstable." Wraith warned.

"A clown?" Crypto ask.

"...yes and no.. He knows a location of a specific serum which can be used as a fire to make the potion its very neon yellow in color and seems to be a liquid. Which ignited will help with the potions quality." Wraith spoke scratching her head.

Wattson made a smile.

"I love clowns!" Wattson smile excited.

"Then a flower from the ever lasting forest." Wraith spoke holding an image of the flower.

It was like an orchid which had a beautiful faint glow. Crypto look curious then at Wattson. He wonder if she's ready for all of these small side quests. He look worried all these dangers just for a potion to cure his temporary amnesia. He look down hearing Wraith.

"Also you need fur of a wendigo and tears of a banshee." She spoke.

". . . . excuse me what?" Crypto look surprised opening his eyes.

"Fur of a wendigo and tears of a banshee. For the potion to cure your temporary amnesia." Wraith respond.

Crypto took a sigh annoyed. It was as if he was the only one believing its not going to work. Wattson look a bit nervous which crypto took interest? Is she afraid of banshees or Wendigo?  How about both? Crypto shake his head.

"Well with those items you should be good for now." Wraith spoke.

Crypto look at Wattson getting grabbed by the back of his collar and dragged away. Surprised by her actions he wrapped his arms on his chest angry.

"Lets go le vampire." She spoke in a French accent.

While being dragged all the way. Crypto decide to walk next to her and look at her in the eyes.

"Your crazy right. We can all just decide to not do this. You might get hurt." Crypto spoke worried.

"I can handle myself Tae." She smiled confident.

"I know you can handle yourself but everyone has limits just don't push yourself too much like last times. Your a human." He respond worried.

"Tae, I'm going to be fine. This is to help you besides we can learn about other monsters!" She spoke.

".. . . . The monsters we might encounter are dangerous." Crypto look at her.

"Stop being so paranoid" Wattson respond.

"I'm not paranoid, I just want you to know that those creatures aren't like me or Wraith or mirage." Crypto spoke.

"Calm down mon'cheri" Wattson spoke.

Crypto look as her scent got stronger, his icy blue eyes slowly changed to red, he made a fist holding his arm tightly. Piercing his sharp claws on his skin before releasing from doing any harm, snapping himself awake. She's so fragile to his eyes, he wants to protect her but his a monster, he closed his eyes trusting her knowing looks can be deceiving, she's capable of doing so much on her own. The small little bat flew to his face rubbing itself on his chin. He rub the small bat with his index finger looking a bit worried.

He kept following after a long walk, both of them reach there destination but there was no garden in which wraith described, just a massive cornfield within the old rusty gates. Wattson open the fence and began walking, threw the cornfield.

As they both tried to follow the path. Crypto look to the left getting a strange feeling he was being watched, as he kept looking around he saw a couple of crows startle him and blithe.

Both crypto and wattson walk pass a scarecrow located on a piece of wood. The wood was old and broken deteriorating by age. But the scarecrow was still intact. There was something odd about it. It had an actual pumpkin on its head which looked new as if it never aged. I like the hat, wattson smile touching the scarecrow arm. It looked so real which made crypto get warry. He lead the way looking around.

They both walk for a while, something was different, it felt like they where walking in circles, but there was a twist which they notice the scarecrow was gone as they returned to the area.

"Mwoya" crypto spoke in Korean surprising Wattson.

"Uh Crypto?" She respond.

He look back towards her and saw two gloved hands cover her mouth and take her away despairing into the field.

"?! Natalie?!" Crypto spoke terrified.

He ran forward moving around the cornfield. He kept hearing rustling sounds all over, disorienting him, he sniff the air trying to find her scent. But couldn't. He ran looking around within the field. Blythe flew up into the air scanning the area.

"Wattson!" He spoke.

As wattson kept getting dragged away. The arms dropped her in an open field which seemed to be a different entrance. It had all sorts of pumpkins some small heavy fog and a very mysterious house.

"Your lucky I found you before that vampire hurt you." A mysterious voice spoke.

As Wattson turn around she was meet by the scarecrow which she saw earlier.

The being had a light up candle on its mouth which shine brightly within the pumpkin making her look fascinated.

"Wait nono. The vampire is my friend. His names Tae. His a sweet guy once you get to know him." Wattson spoke.

"Friends with a demon? No that's what they want you to think. Here in my pumpkin patch you are safe now." The mysterious being spoke.

As wattson examines the head she notice it wasn't moving its mouth to speak. Which made her watch the protector excited. She's never seen a talking scarecrow.

"Natalie! "a voice spoke coming from the corn field.

Wattson look back, worried a bit.

"Wraith sent me here to kindly ask for a specific pumpkin so that I can help my friend" Wattson spoke.

"Wraith? The witch that deals with black magic." The protector ask in a curious tone.

They where thinking for a while scratching there pumpkin head. As something came out of the fence Crypto tackled the protector to the ground hissing and snarling exposing his fangs.

"You stay away from her." Crypto hissed before getting pinched on the ear dragged away.

"Crypto the protector is friendly!" Wattson spoke.

Crypto look quiet fixing his clothes looking away.

As the protector made there way to the open field they point at a couple of pumpkins from the patch. Some where different than what wattson has ever seen. They all had varieties which where pretty cool.

"May we take one?" Wattson kindly ask.

"Take what you need." The protector spoke.

Crypto look at Wattson. She took a couple of steps finding the pumpkin with the description Wraith ask and picked it up. The pumpkin released a faint glow and the protector made a nod as a raven flew to there shoulder. Wattson walk off to the fence excited.

"Thank you!" She respond going off.

"You better not hurt this kind soul demon." The protector warned.

Crypto took a sigh having a small pain on his head. The migraine was getting worse every time he would walk. He took a couple of steps going to Wattson.

"Are you okay?" Wattson wonder as she held the pumpkin placing it on her bag.

As she look at Crypto from head to toe she noticed something creepy. His eyes where fully black. He had a smile from ear to ear showing his fangs, which made her step back a bit but stand her ground.

Crypto got close and she slap him on the face. He swore in Korean holding his left cheek. Wattson held her hand waving it in pain.

"Ow." Both spoke.

Holding her gloved hand wattson looked at Crypto.

"I didn't do anything!" Crypto spoke.

She look at him as his eyes where back to blue.

"Hey how about you take a blood pill." Wattson spoke holding out a couple of them.

Crypto look at it then at her.

"Pass I'm not going to lose it." He spoke.

"Your so stubborn." Wattson respond.

"Lets go take Wraith her stuff." Crypto lead the way.

"Come on and take your blood pills." Wattson grab Cryptos hand.

"No nat im good." He avoid eye contact.

"Tae!" She spoke serious.

He look at her and took one he moved away from her. He didn't like when he would feed and she would be around. He feared if he ever did that he would hurt her. The blood pills are basically compressed blood which Wattson made using her research. She would always find him fresh blood to drink sometimes even find blood packs from blood banks. How did she do it, he didn't know.

Wraith look at Mirage which she used magic to fix his cowboy clothes. At this point she didn't even want to ask. Mirage munch on a pork chop munching then the bone. Occasionally a tail would appear as it wagged from side to side happy. Wraith made a small smile looking at mirage.

"So whatcha doing?" Mirage spoke.

"Thinking about that vampire,  how did we meet him?" She wonder.

"Meh. Wattson brought him injured. Besides his a weird paranoid vampire with a small bat on him. Why?" Mirage look.

"I guess its been a long time since we meet him still why is he getting an amnesia now is he refusing to feed or did they both get into trouble?" Wraith wonder.

Wraith prepared a bowl for the items..

"You think.... Nat is going to be safe?" Mirage wonder.

"Yeah she is, she's been managing the vampire for a while." Wraith respond.

Mirage sniff the air receiving familiar scents and he walk to the door opening it.

"We made it!" Wattson spoke.

"Wow first try already doing well good job." Mirage smile.

Crypto look at Natalie and scratch his head cleaning his mouth. Wattson spoke to Wraith.

"Whoa. Buddy you don't look too good?" Mirage spoke.

As he gently touch crypto shoulder he hiss a bit backing away. The small little bat located on cryptos shoulder look a bit worried.

"I'm fine." Crypto spoke closing his mouth.

"Aw someone a bit sleepy." Mirage teased.

"I'm not." Crypto spoke.

"I'm just pulling your leg." Mirage smile.

"Okay! We are off!"  Natalie walk seeing crypto.

He closed his eyes taking a sigh.

[supersizemeplz]

Nose Wide Open

CountryBoy!Erik Stevens x Black PlusSized Reader

Another #supersizedfic short. I'm southern, but this doesn't really scream it. I really tried though. Enjoy!

Sun spilled over the front yard, reflecting off the tiny speckled dew that frosted the grass. Trimmed bushes lined the front of the house with beautiful roses here and there. The wind chime that hung from beside the green vines swayed gently in the morning breeze. You rested lazily in the white cushioned chair that occupied the porch, reading a novel you bought a week before. Some love story that you were deeply into.

Beside you, a small circular table sat to match the chair you were in. It held your glass of lemonade that sat atop a floral coaster, next to a small vase of fresh looking flowers. A small tag hanging from it with a cute note from Erik.

The rumbling of a familiar pick up truck caught your attention before it's golden paint caught your eye. It eased into the shade of your driveway, right behind your car. Excitement sparked within you and you had to stop yourself from jumping up to greet him. Once the engine went silent, that bun of dreads popped out. Erik shut the door behind him, smiling as he rounded the truck. His jeans were tucked into his dusty Georgia boots, but his white tee wasn't tucked in today. Though you were sure his belt with his last name stamped into the leather hugged his waist.

"Mornin, princess! You're up early." His accent as thick as honey.

You grinned with a playful eye roll, closing your book and resting it on your lap. Sitting up straight, you watched as he approached the stairs. That gold chain peeking from beneath his shirt. "I could say the same for you, Stevens. You missed me, huh?"

Erik chuckled, slowing as he got to the steps. Taking his time, he took in your appearance as he ascended them. A sundress comforted your body, afro freed and skin glowing. "Every second we're apart, baby girl.." He put a hand over his heart, giving you that charming smile of his. "..and I came to see what your pretty self had planned for today." He stepped onto the porch, both hands in his pockets as he looked over at you. You felt your cheeks heat up and your lips give in to a smile.

You sat your book on the table, shrugging lightly as you looked up at him. "Nothing really. I was just gonna take a lazy day since I'm off.." Standing, your bare feet pressed against the dark stained wood. "What did you have in mind, Mr. Stevens?" You walked to stand beside his relaxed figure against the porch railing, looking at him over your shoulder. His eyes followed you until you stood at his side.

He smirked, standing from his relaxed posture to stand by you. His right hand rested over your left atop the railing, his thumb massaging over your soft skin. "Nothing really. I was just gonna do some work for my aunt, tend to the horses and stuff. I was hoping you'd tag along?"

You smirked, nodding slowly before you chuckled. He knew you'd never turn down a chance to visit his aunt.  "Give me two minutes.." He nodded, holding up his imaginary watch and tapping his wrist.

Just as promised, you'd returned two minutes later with shoes. As well as your over the shoulder. He'd led you to the truck, opening the passenger door with a smile. You took his awaiting hand, allowing him to help you up into the high truck. Which you believed he really enjoyed doing. When you thanked him after getting seated, he replied with 'my pleasure, sweetness'.

Not long after, he'd climbed into the car and pulled out the driveway. With the grace of a falling feather, smooth and gentle. You smiled softly at the fuzziness you felt riding with him. His hand would soon find your hand, giving it a small squeeze so you would look at him. Like he just did. Then he'd flash you a smile that'd make your heart flutter. Like the one on his face now.

"You good, princess?" The teasing in his voice was evident, making you shift in your seats. You gave a nod, liking how your hand felt in his.

Your body eased further into the seats to calm itself as you admired the black leather of the interior, mentally approving of the golden touches here and there. Your eyes found him laid back comfortably while he drove. Erik was too handsome for his own good and your eyes didn't attempt to stop their admiring anytime soon. It took him catching you to look away, blushing at his chuckle when he met your stare with a glance of his own. Those dimples of his deepened and he licked his lips.

He leaned forward, inches from your lips as he smiled. His fingertips held your chin, slowly easing you closer. "How are you so damn pretty?" You melted at his voice, taking in the faint smell of his cologne before he pulled back. With a teasing smirk on his lips and a wink. "Lets get to it, princess."

You couldn't help the little pout of your lips as you watched him get out of the truck. Mumbling a soft 'good lord' as you relaxed against the seat. You hadn't realized you'd made it. He came around to open your door, helping you out of the truck. Smiling at the dazed look on your face.

You avoided the smirk he held, looking to the barn ahead of you. As well as the area for the horses next to it. The screen door to the house closed, catching both you and Erik's attention. His aunt, Nina, waved at you both. Erik smiled as she came to where you both stood beneath the shade of the oak tree. "Hey, auntie."

She walked up to him with open arms, giving him a hug as greeting. "Hey, baby.. About time you brought your girlfriend back up here to see me. How you doin', sugar?"

You looked to Erik with a raised eyebrow, smirking as he rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm fine, Ms. Nina. How are you?" His girlfriend you say?

"I'm still working on that, auntie. Don't scare her off.." He teased, chuckling as you all laughed.

She wrapped her arm with yours as she playfully waved him off, heading towards the house. "I'm fine, baby.. and call me auntie, sugar. We're basically family. Why don't we catch up inside while Erik feeds the horses?" You agreed, giving another teasing look back at Erik before heading to the house. To which he gave back a wink.

Once you'd both gotten in, Aunt Nina fixed two glasses of lemonade. She sat across from you at the table as she caught you up on her life since you'd last seen her. Amusing short stories and questions of her own for you. Though when she asked a particular question, though it was bound to pop up, it still made you ponder.

What's going on with you and my nephew?

You didn't answer instantly as you'd rehearsed in your head a few times before. To be honest, you had no idea. You and Erik were great friends, you'd trained yourself to think. Just friends. Of course, Erik hinted at his fondness of you. It just hadn't clicked yet. He was almost to good to be true.

Nina placed her hand over yours, rubbing her thumb against your skin to soothe you. "You shouldn't over think it, honey. Erik's a great guy and I can tell you that he really cares for you. It's hard for Erik to show his emotional side, but with you.." She chuckled, nodding before she sipped her drink. "..with you, it's something special. He's head over heels for you. And you ain't hear it from me.. but when he's around me and on the phone with you, he's smiling from ear to ear. I don't see how his cheeks aren't sore after y'all conversations."

You laughed out at that, having the privilege of facetiming him once and catching his raised cheeks numerous times.

You looked out the window to where he was carrying bales of hay from the barn to the horses. A smile graced your lips as you watched him. Nina stood from her seat, walking to the cabinet. "How about you take him something to drink, baby?" She filled the glass with lemonade and brought it to you. Accepting it, you stood with a nod. "I'm sure he misses you too."

You headed back into the shining sun, making your way across the yard. Erik rolled his shoulders after dropping another bale of hay at his stack. He looked over to you, smiling as soon as he caught sight of your face. "So you do care about me.." Giving a teasing wink, he accepted the cold refreshment. Taking a sip as you admired him.

A dark wife beater now fit his frame, showcasing his broad shoulders and chest. His arms were glistening with sweat and you could really see the definition of his arms. As if you'd needed help in the first place.

"What makes you think I don't care about you, Stevens? You're my ride home." You teased back, looking up at him under your lashes. He laughed out loud at that, looking at you in amusement when he calmed.

"I forget how funny you are, princess. A beautiful woman with many surprises.. No wonder I like you so much." He licked his lips, walking with you into the shade of the massive oak tree.

You shrugged, shyly as you both stopped. "I've heard it's hard not to."

He chuckled, taking another sip of his drink. Looking back to the house, he motioned his head towards it. "So you and Aunt Nina had a good talk, huh? You were in there a while."

You nodded, "We did. I always love our talks. She's easy to talk to"

"Yeah, she's my go to for advice.." He confessed. "What did you two talk about? Me?"

He took another sip of his drink, catching a drop of liquid with his tongue before it fell from his full lips. You felt the butterflies dance in your stomach as you looked away. "Yeah, actually.. About us. How she can see that you really like me.."

He rubbed the back of his neck again. Something you'd notice he did when he was nervous. "I've confessed to her once or twice with how much I like you. But she seen it before I said anything. In her words, you got my nose wide open."

You smiled up at him, slipping your hand into his. Stepping closer to him, you brought your free hand up to play with the coils of his beard. Which he really liked you doing. "I supposed its a good thing that I feel the same way about you, huh?"

_______

Taglist:

@sisterwifeudaku @kumkaniudaku @elaindeereads @wawakanda-btch @theunsweetenedtruth @hold-me-like-a-heart-beat @unholyxcumbucket @purple-apricots @marvelmaree @chaneajoyyy @disneysdarlingdiva @wakanda-inspired

@justanotherloveaffair @cmonkillmonger @princesskillmonger @theblulife @airis-paris14 @fonville-designs @liviy00 @cosmicmelaninflower @whoramilaje @yaachtynoboat711 @yofavcocoa @teheeboo @alexundefined @kaykay0829

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@ikeea-world @softnani @tashawar @callme-slime @amethyst1993 @pinkdemolition @raysunshine78 @missmohnique @toniilaney @pinktiger501 @uhlxisback @thehomierobbstark

[spnbaby-67]

A love worth fighting for

A/N: guess what y'all? After two years of writer's block and no words coming to my stupid head, I am back! That's right, I am back with a story idea that I think and I hope you will like. I haven't been on here awhile so I dunno who all my tags are and let me know of you want to be tagged. Please keep in mind this is a fanfiction, not real life and anything that happens in this story is purely for enjoyment and not real. Let's assume for story sake that everyone is single. It is a rpf alternate universe. I respect there wives just as much as I do the boys, so please no hate on the wives. Also, keep in mind I don't have a beta so all mistakes are solely on me, if I have some, please be kind to tell me. No hate will be tolerated, I have had my full share of it lately. It has been two years since I wrote anything and I'm kind of excited about it and nervous at the same time. I don't own the photos I have collected for this story line so thank you to those who post them. This is a Supernatural RPF and OFC and not a reader insert this time around. Thank you jen @grnsorrow helping me decide the aesthetic for this and helping me pick out photos to use. On a side note, please don't copy and post on other sights without my consent please thanks ... Ok let's say we post.

Warnings : cussing (each chapter will have a list as it grows.

Pairing Jensen Ackles and Samantha McKenzie, (none in particular I pictured)

I was currently sitting  on the floor at the opryland hotel, i couldn't even muster up the want to move. I was exhausted to the point of nearly breaking down and let the water works take over. It had been an uneventful day, one that I will never ever forget, and the day that changed my life. 

Let me back up a bit, so you can get the full story.  Hi, my name is Samantha McKenzie. I am a 23 year old, and well now unemployed.  I am from Texas, Houston to be exact, and my life is, or has not been a great life full of magic and unicorns dreams. I have had my fair share of ups and downs since I can remember, and I will gladly take the ups over the downs any day. I know those come in spurts, and when I do get them, I take em by the horns and savor the moment.  Only because I never know when it will happen again. 

My parents both have passed on when I was younger and I have no brothers or sisters, which at times I'm thankful for, but at other times I miss the sibling connections that I see with most families. I was abused when I was a kid, from the time I was 5 to about 15 when I discovered that I could escape the house and not return. 

Actually, back up. When my mom helped us escape the house that we lived with my father who was mentally, physically and emotionally abusive. He and my mom would always yell and fight, cursing words at each other, then he would make it out to be my mom's fault when he knew he started the whole thing.  They never knew this, but I would sneak out of my room through my upstairs window and sit on the roof side that was attached giving me space to sit and stare up at the stars. It cleared my head, and if I shut the window just a bit, but enough to reopen it and go back in later, I could drown out their arguing.  But sitting out there even on nights they didn't argue or yell, I would slip into my own world and imagine me someplace safe and sound. I am a huge reader of books, and I would read a period of time back to the renaissance era and imagine myself there, experiencing the costumes, and conflicts they had when a problem arose. Or I would sit there and dream of my own future if what I would be when I grew up, which as I sit here now laugh back at my thoughts because it didn't end up the way I wanted it to.  Life is funny, and it's strange how you dream up how you want it to be, even going far as mapping out a timeline and have it all turned upside in a snap, because if one mistake.  

One stupid fucked up mistake that sent my ass to jail for nearly being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I sighed thinking back that fateful night, if I had stayed home just 15 minutes longer, I would have been ok. But no, I had to have some ice cream because I was out and my boyfriend dumped me for someone else, only because I would not have sex with him. Hell I was 17 years old, I wasn't sure of what I wanted in life at that time, but I could tell you, it wasn't sex. So, what the hell do I do? I grabbed my purse and keys to the house I was sharing with a friend and headed to the store down the street to get ice cream. 

For the love of God, I wished I would have stayed home. Walking in, I knew, no i felt something off and i should have turned away and backed out never going in, but at the same time my head was saying get ice cream.  I was hurting and my heart was not connecting with my head, so my head over ruled that decision and I went in.  

Walking to where I knew the ocean cream was, I saw an old friend of mine and they were standing by the pharmacy side where they had rows of  condoms and other items related to sex and such. I saw her literally put something in her purse and grab other things in her hand.  

"Seriously?" I whispered to myself as I continued to watch her.  My head was saying go stop her, and my heart was saying no don't get involved. But remember my head was not connecting with my heart so I walked over to her.

"Sarah," I tapped her shoulder from behind her and she must have jumped a mile high when I did. 

"What the fuck, Sam?" She said as she turned around to face me, "Trying to give someone a damn heart attack or something?"

"Or something, what the hell are you doing?"  I looked at her like a mother would when they know you have done something wrong. 

She pulled me over to the side and placed her hand on my shoulder, "Jake and I had sex two weeks ago, and I think I'm pregnant.  I am late with my period, and my parents are going to kill me." Her breathing was staggered and erratic. 

I saw her swallow a couple of times like she was trying to swallow a lump that had formed in her throat.  I know the feeling of getting caught, been one to many times myself in her position and its one i don't want to repeat. I have gotten lucky at times and none had placed charges on me, but when your a runaway and trying to live with what you have, you do what you need to, to survive. 

"Just think about what your doing Sarah,"  she looked at me confusingly. I sighed, "I saw you out stuff in your purse. If you need money, I can help you."  I was doing everything I can to help her make the right decision. 

She looked at me, then put everything back on the shelf. "You don't know what it's like to be in my shoes, Sam. Just forget it, stay away from me. Don't bother helping me, my life is over anyways." She gave me a look then left the store. 

What the fuck just happened? 

I shrugged my head out of the state it was in and concentrated on getting my ice cream. I really needed it now, and fuck, that really pissed me off. See if I ever help anyone again.  I proceeded to the frozen section and grabbed my ice cream and a few other things, then went to check out. Little did I know, my life changed that night for the worse because I wanted to help a friend.  Shaking my head. Why do I always fuck up when things were going good? God save me. 

@deans-baby-momma @mirandaaustin93

[creatrixanimi]

grif and sister for the headcanon thing omg

Sorry I took so long to reply my laptop is giving me hell and I wanted to be able to tag this ;_;

Grif

Headcanon A: what I think realistically:

ok so I definitely headcanon that Grif is a low-key genius based on all the little hints given in the show, like Church pointing Grif out that is smarter than all the other reds put together, Grif flat out saying he went to Harvard in the Columbus day PSA (also hinting that he also got into Columbia university but it was easier than Harvard), and the fact that he learned to speak Spanish fluently in like a couple weeks in the new season

I also headcanon that he has a lot of potential but has just been way too bitter about being forced into the army in the first place to do anything with that potential… but I think this might actually be canon at this point?

Headcanon B: what I think is fucking hilarious:

Grif being equally as flexible as Kai would be so funny to me. Like Tucker would tease him and Simmons SO MUCH about sex position stuff. it would be relentless.

I don't know if this one is necessarily funny but contrary to most of the fandom I headcanon that the Grifs are actually really tall and just big people in general like both of them being over 6ft (I don’t really have any specifics down) but on the other end, I headcanon Tucker as being the smallest and sometimes I just like to imagine Grif and Tucker interacting because of that massive height difference XD

C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends:

ummm I'm gonna try to keep this short but i’m a whump and angst lover so I have SO MANY of headcanons that go here. Like basically both of the Grif’s entire childhoods were canonically worse than shit so I don’t even need to make too much stuff up XD. I do imagine Grif and Kai were probably homeless for at least part of their childhood and constantly on the run from cps because they were afraid of being split up and then forced into shitty foster homes. Maybe Grif got involved in some less than reputable groups while growing up so maybe that’s why he’s so good at theivn’ people’s weapons and other stuff. 

I also headcanon that Grif’s hair is like one of his few aspects that he actually takes pride in (for cultural and personal reasons) so when they buzzed it all off when he was drafted he was so upset but tried not to show it. He has grown it back out to being really long tho once he got to blood gulch because no one really gave a shit about standards, so there is a silver lining I guess.

he totally didn’t sleep through the entire massacre on his first base/colony. He was asleep at first but you can only sleep through bloody murder for so long. He did try to fight at first but eventually realized there wasn’t much he could do so he just his until it was over.

Also based on his behavior, it seems like in addition to his canonical OCD he also seems to exhibit symptoms of depression, like the apathy and inability to feel motivated. Poor guy also probably has PTSD from the colony. someone give my boy a hug.

option D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway:

This one is tough? i guess because canon isn’t that deep™ so I guess technically all my headcanons could go here XD uhhh I guess Grif can surf and dabbled in football a bit when he pulled his like together in his late teens for scholarship money? (who fuckin knows how he had time for it, I sure don’t.) That’s one of the reasons his go to move is to tackle people. It’s the only thing he knows how to do that works and doesn’t actually kill people. 

Grif hates actually killing people so if its close range combat he hesitates and messes up a lot. It’s easier when they are far away or he’s in the warthog because then he doesn’t associate them with people as much as when he’s face to face with other soldiers.

Grif is pretty good at instruments. he knows how to play the ukulele and guitar and likes to mess around with other stuff but those two are his main instruments. and we need a resident artist so maybe he likes to doodle and sketch but never shows anyone any of his drawings EVER. One time Donut caught hin and asked him “is that anime” so now he even more secretive about it.

Kai

Headcanon A: what I think realistically: 

this is hard because she has so little character development but I guess that she’s actually smarter than she seems. Like Grif, she plays dumb and says weird shit just to mess with people. She’s also really good at manipulating people for this reason.

She’s a really good gymnast because of her flexibility and cheerleading experience. She’s agile and can give Carolina a run for her money in the sweet flips category

Headcanon B: what I think is fucking hilarious:

Kai is just a funny character to begin with but I do headcanon that she and Tucker never really went further than talking or flirting. Tucker was so nervous about hanging out with her that they just played video games or something. She was really nice about it tho, she didn’t even mention that he didn’t bring the sniper rifle XD

C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends:

a lot of this is kinda the same as Grif as far as the childhood goes, but I do like the idea that since their parents abandoned them on father’s and mother’s day she would get (or steal) cards for Grif and cross out mom/dad and write brother. Grif always cried. every time.

option D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway:

literally all of my Kai headcanons can go here. She is such an underutilized character. I really like the idea of her being a language nerd? Like she knew Spanish way better than anyone else at blood gulch and probably also knows Hawaiian and I think it would be cool if she learned Sangheili after hanging out with junior so much at blood gulch.

my new favorite thing that is more of a hopeful prediction that will never come true I guess than a headcanon is that at the desert arts fest at the alien temples, she found an alien sword because I need my girl to have some freaking character development, please. 

Kai loves to dance, is a decent singer, and can play the ukulele!

ok this got SO LONG and I still have more but this is all I could think of for now XD