#im actually super insecure about everything i post

[moonlit-escape]

★彡 ˙🌱. ¡! Vylad Mystreet headcanons !!

the second character i fell in love with. how cruel it is that he has fuck all going for him. I'll fix that.

korean and white

pansexual (actually this one is just canon) (cole petty ily)

doesn't have like a set label for his gender, and is cool with anything people wanna see him as

will try anything once

will put anything in his mouth

can sleep literally anywhere

i think this man might be the most laid-back, flexible person on the planet.

except towards geese because fuck those things

any time he has slept in a park he has made sure there were no geese around because those fuckers have stolen his stuff before and made him watch as they drowned it

listens to the most underground shit you've never heard and it all slaps (i didnt add this kind of stuff to his playlist though bc i wanted it to. make sense.)

also just listens to underrated music in general (includes just underrated songs from super popular bands)

currently holds an award for being the "funniest man on mystreet" and he didn't even have residency there

kind of has random visions about his friends in his sleep, but he just thinks they're normal dreams and that he misses his friends a lot (oh little does he know.)

used to say the most cryptic shit as a kid and freak his brothers out

being friends with vylad as a kid mustve been the weirdest experience. the kid eats glue, dirt, and moss, befriends frogs, crows, and moths, tells you you've suffered immense turmoil in a past life completely sincerely, and then infodumps about the entire history and process of typewriters for some fuckin reason

im 100% sure all three of the boys have autism and they got it from zianna

while he doesn't really want to connect himself to the ro'meave name (mainly bc of garte), he does love his family to death and sends his mom and brothers post cards every once in a while (when he remembers, mostly)

doesn't really reach out to his family any other way and neither do they. which he understands; communication is a two-way street

tries to stay positive and practice a healthy mindset and self-image, even and especially when he feels his insecurities and sense of self-worth creeping in

knows how to fish with nothing but a shoestring and a good fuckin stick

Loves pickin up good fuckin sticks

also cool rocks

he collects cool rocks from all the places he visits and keeps them in an old jewelry box. he keeps special ones he plans on giving to his friends in the top part of it

always making friends with stray dogs, cats, rats, raccoons, and opossums. someone stop him

has a johnny stein hotel transylvania relationship with his backpack (it literally has everything he owns in it)

knows how to fix and alter clothes

he knows how to do a lotta shit, alright. i don't think you'll find a craftier little guy than vylad ro'meave

except when it comes to fixing a water heater or anything to do with pipes or electrical tbh he hasn't lived in a house in a While

i'm obsessed w the idea that zane had spent so much time and effort trying to get gene to notice him meanwhile vylad enters gene's peripherals for 2.5 seconds and gene's like I Want Him.

poor vylad can't get on zane's better side for shit

owns a few skirts and dresses and high-heeled boots because he can wear whatever he wants

goes to ren faires whenever he can honestly. sometimes as a job!

when his hair gets too long he ties it back into a low ponytail or pigtails until he can get it cut again (doesnt really like having long hair)

wears weird and funky socks

he absolutely has a roblox account

likes to pronounce words wrong on purpose sometimes. mostly by putting emphasis on the wrong syllables

ABSOLUTELY adds extra e's to his words when texting bc thatse good showbiz babey!!

the type of kid where his first word was actually just a full coherent sentence

i'm coming to terms with the fact that he is most definitely a furry (not the type to dress up for it though. he just does artwork)

spent so much of his younger years trying so, so hard to achieve an astounding success to get his father to notice him. feeling like he had to "earn" his place as a ro'meave with him. but, it was a good thing he realized fast that that was never going to happen

because he did achieve some incredible things! he was a perfect child prodigy; on his way to dual enrollment by only his first highschool year

but, he realized, one whole summer with his father home, that all that work to be the perfect son, just like his brothers were, was.. really for nothing, when he saw zane completely break down one night after dinner

so, he dropped the course to dual enrollment entirely, asked to be transferred from o'casis to phoenix drop high, and decided to take more time for himself. figuring out who he is and what he likes. which, is sorta just turning out to be "anything, except the things he doesn't"

but, there's a lot out there still. and, while he still feels like he hasn't entirely found his own sense of self-worth, he's going to keep trying new things and discovering all that he can about himself until he feels whole enough to come home

[vaultof-thoughts]

DOUBTS, INSERCURITY AND ANXIETY

The title is blood red, why? because when I used to have doubts, and still didn't really understand non-dualism at all, my brain would set off alarms with flickering fiery red lights. As if they were forbidden , as if I was committing some crime and conducting treason. Many of us find it difficult to deal with doubts, anxiety, insecurity because it just feels so bad, so ickish... so painful an it instantly sends us into a spiral- "Oh No! I'm not supposed to be thinking this, I'm supposed to be Zen and indifferent all the time!" "NO!!! All my progress has gone to waste.." (spoiler alert: there is no progress to be made) or just endless interaction with the (seeming) thought and just piling on to the insecurity and discomfort. Trust me, we've ALL been there, and it's COMPLETELY and ABSOLOUTELY normal and OKAY. Because guess what? This will blow your mind: IT IS IRRELEVENT. I'm serious. You could think the most gruesome, ugly, thoughts about yourself and your dream but it doesn't affect " " at all. SO, what does this mean? It means these thoughts aren't yours!! You aren't the thinker!! CELEBRATE that for a moment! bask in freedom of that realization. These thoughts are from of the ego, or character or WHATEVER. Thing is, this ego is an illusion.

Thoughts, feelings, sensations, DESIRES = Ego

Ego = "the ego doesn’t exist. It’s not a person nor an entity or anything like that. It’s just a longtime held onto perception. It’s just a pile of ideas, concepts, states of mind, thoughts and feelings that we’re clung to and built upon like a castle of cards. It was never you. It was never truly real. It seemed to be because you were it. It cannot exist without you knowing yourself as it." - @crystaldust

Conclusion is, whatever you are going through right now, you are not actually going through. (sounded better in my head) Instead, there is only " " observing a ILLUSIONARY life with a nice lil character and basically in different forms. So everything is " " (the character, the life, other people, the dirty clothes on your floor you're not gonna clean up, etc) are all just different forms of " " so basically just " " observing " " which also mean that nothing is REALLY happening. Like yes I just failed my chemistry test but is there really anything happening here?? without labels, words and meaning what is there? no thing. So even the doubtful, fearful, anxious and insecure thoughts are nothing, you are assigning illusionary meaning to them and on top of that taking them to be you. Like? And what is absoloutellyyy hilarioussss is that " " put this dream or play on itself, and on purpose for fun, and you're acting like it's the end of the world.

On a more serious note though, I know how hard it can be to see negative thoughts for what they really are! and to stop taking the illusion so seriously. There's death, murder, poverty, starvation and many things to react to. I know it can be hard. I know trust me, but in all honesty, guys, you are the observer! not the person. And again, I will repeat this until your ears bleed. It is ALL COMPLETELY Illusionary. This does not mean you're not allowed to bawl your eyes out or react to anything at all- infact, I mean the contrary. Do WHAT YOU WANT. It doesn't matter, there is no "process" to mess up on here. Just come back and notice " " It's always there anyway even observing right now. And remember not to be harsh on yourself and take good care of yourself :) and most importantly have fun.

(im super sorry this post is very long and chaotic im going to try to add some pretty colors and pictures and stuff in later so that people actually read it but bye and ily)

[y-vna]

Just so it's clear, one of my big dni crits is this:

TW: My rant includes HEAVY topics of ed (eating disorders) and intentionally starving yourself/unhealthy weight loss 🙁.

This post is also ULTRA long, will definitely contain grammar and spelling mistakes, and I'm not going to say 100% everything here is accurate information, as I'm a human and I make mistakes too.

Let me get this clear, I dont mean anyone harm with this post. My intention isn't to hate or attack/hurt anyone to make them feel upset. I know that having an ed is a serious matter. I have friends and family who actively have/had these kinds of eds, so im not uneducated on this subject and I do understand it to a very in-depth degree. This is not to say I know everything about this topic, however.

It is definitely not easy to recover from, and lots of people struggle from it every day. I am NOT saying people with this disorder are any less human than anyone else. I'm saying it's toxic for those who do have it since it actually harms your body a lot, and pushing it on others (not the fact you have it in the first place) is something I don't support.

So respectfully, if you do support/promote eds as a positive thing, or are/follow/interact with blogs who do, BLOCK ME AND DNI. thank you.

I love everyone for who they are inside, regardless of what their body looks like. And I'm telling you right now, as someone who tried so hard to have a perfect body and stop eating bc im super insecure, it's not worth it, and it makes you feel so shitty. I love you, whoever is reading this, no matter what. So please don't change who you are just to make others happy :( <3

--

So I was looking thru tumblr, and this one post kept getting shown to me where people were talking about basically the idea of: "its worth it to keep losing that undesired weight, you'll see results soon" as like a motivational thing. The tags (straight up tells you it's supposed to be inspo to becoming skinny and supports the idea having an ed is the only way to get a dream bod), and their whole blog had ed encouragement/motivation. To keep...starving, i guess.?? Despite their user being about being strong and healthy, nothing about this is healthy or keeps your body strong.

I didn't decide to write a whole rant about just that part of the post because I didn't start getting super concerned until i read the notes/comments (since i had seen a lot of these 'tw : ed' blogs before already). What I saw was that tons of users were promoting starving yourself as a goal and a good thing, and basically glorifying having an ed. And also using kpop idols with skinny and perfect figures like wonyoung to tell others that (almost a literal direct quote from this user-) 'us ed people don't want to be helped and we won't stop starving ourselves until we reach the weight we want.'

"You see it as negativity cause you're not disordered." KEEP IN MIND THE PERSON THEY'RE TALKING TO USED TO ACTUALLY HAVE AN ED (the screenshot below is the person they were talking to). I understand you can't push people to get help if they don't want it, but you have to draw a line when you start saying that every person with ed doesn't want help, which just isnt true. I looked at their blog, and it was all just calculating how many calories they ate and burned every day. Most of the posts they basically only totaled 300 calories a day. THAT IS SUPER SICK ☹️. An average human needs like 2000+ calories a day. It actively influences people to copy them by posting and blogging this SUPER unhealthy weight loss. It IS NOT positive on any level. It does nothing good for you. You won't feel any happier when you look in the mirror if all you can feel is pure hunger because you won't give your body what it needs. This is so sad to me because all the comments had people trying to ask how to start starving themselves, and every blog I clicked on all had ed triggers on their posts and bios. Some of those blogs were saying NOT to become like them because they can't see themselves recovering now that they're in too deep.

As said by people online who actually had and got through having an ed, they have explained it is very unhealthy and they were glad to recover. So even though I do not have an ed, and you might think I shouldn't be "judging" people who have them, there are plenty of formerly ed diagnosed people who know the bad effect it has on others/had on them because they can accurately relate. You can still educate people on a subject even if you yourself do not have to suffer from it/have it, as long as you're doing it properly with proven facts (literally all credible research you do anywhere backed by science and experts will prove eds aren't healthy). People educate themselves to teach others about other illnesses, ongoing or past wars in history, etc, they don't have firsthand experience with/from. And they can still be just as valid sometimes.

My whole point here is that on tumblr and so many other social media platforms, I keep seeing people (posts like this and whole blogs centered around this stuff,) encouraging (mainly young) girls to stop eating altogether to have a body that society and other people are more satisfied with. That's why, for a while, I also tried to do the same because of the people saying it was a positive thing to gain a bad relationship with food and start counting your calories to be perfect. I'm also someone who struggles with body image and being shamed for gaining weight. But at some point hou need to realize hurting your body and mental state is SO WRONG. NOBODY is perfect. So don't push you or anyone else to be. I learned this, and I get its super hard to ignore the judgment forced onto you by society and your surroundings, but there will be people who appreciate you just how you are now. Like me.

So with all that said, the moral here is:

Don't starve urself (on purpose. Bc some people genuinely have trouble eating and starve themselves non intentionally. I have friends who do this 😭)

You're perfect how u are now without being as slim as your idols (and even K-pop idols don't tell others usually to be like them because they know that their companies forcing them to strictly control their weight isn't something they want fans to look up to).

Don't force (potential) ed on others

Don't encourage unhealthy relationship with your body and food

I do support people with eds, as long as they aren't trying to make it something others should look up to, and aspire to have.

If you are someone who wants to normalize having an ed as healthy or positive, please do not interact with this blog and feel free to block me :(

Thank you for reading, have a good day and ily for whoever is reading this. 💗💖💓💕

[natsmagi]

sorry for making yet another textpost but i came across that post saying they dislike transfem natsume because he "canonically hates being perceived as a girl and tries to erase all sorts of memories related to that" and also went on to shame genderbends of him aswell. So, as someone who not only draws genderbends of natsume but is myself someone who is nonbinary and hates being perceived as a woman, i thought id offer my two cents

first of all; i think its important to note that natsume does NOT hate his childhood. in fact, hes quite happy that he had such an unusual upbringing!

what natsume hates is being perceived as weak. thats why he was raised as a girl after all, it was his mother trying to protect him from evil spirits. he doesnt hate the whole "-chan" or "wearing dresses" thing because he has a hatred for womanhood, its because due to his upbringing hes now come to associate those things as being weak. he begs tsumugi to forget about it because that means tsumugi remembers natsume being weak, and natsume thinks tsumugi still referring to him as "natsume-chan" means he still sees natsume as weak. (iirc natsume did however once say that he is a little sad that he doesnt really know how to relate to young boys due to this in poltergeist, but i couldnt find the exact quote. either way that just adds to the complexity of natsumes relationship with his childhood, because while he is happy to be "abnormal" in that sense, it has left him lacking in some areas)

i have to ask though, should this conflict of his not be something we hope he overcomes? should we not want him to develop a healthy relationship with various gender expressions? should we not want natsume to overcome his belief that feminine things = weakness? i want natsume to reach a point where he can wear feminine clothing and not feel like some damsel in distress because of it. i want natsumes character to grow. i want him to develop a positive relationship with his gender because natsume DOES enjoy some more typically feminine things, like baking! he used to bake with his mom when he was little! and i want him to feel like he can indulge in that side of him without feeling insecure.....

i LOVE transmasc natsume, my primary hc for him is transmasc nonbinary after all, but with all these things considered, shouldnt people be allowed to headcanon him however they want? if they hear his story and negative relationship with femininity and how that resonates with them and they themselves are transfem, should they not be allowed to hc him as such too?

which brings me to my next point; my own personal relationship with gender and femininity. i was raised as a girl and i fucking DESPISED womanhood. i hated everything about it. i hated how i felt forced into a box i didnt want to be stuck in, and i hated how it felt like my whole life had already been planned out for me due to societal expectations, aswell as me needing to present a certain way. i was peak "tomboy" growing up, constantly wearing super baggy clothes and wouldnt even brush my hair alot of the time. but despite that i remained miserable. i frankly hated how i looked and would constantly dye my hair vibrant colors in an attempt to make me like myself a little more. it wasnt until i realized "wow, im actually not a girl at all" that i finally let go of believing i needed to look a certain way (and thus, defying it) and started to dress for myself. i started to dress in clothes that made me happy and feel pretty! alot of which leans feminine, but clothes doesnt have a gender, and how you dress doesnt define your gender either, but it can still be a bit scary yknow? especially since i dont want people to think of me as a girl, and drawing a bunch of femstars has really made me learn to love myself more in a funny way. i can put these characters in clothes i think are beautiful, i can explore the more feminine parts of me that i adore but dont want to express in public due to how i want others to perceive me, but it has also warmed me up to femininity even more. because femstars to me feels detached from the expectations of society because its not a real thing!! there are no canon femstars designs!!! i can do literally whatever the hell i want with it and its been so liberating to me!!

all this to say; i think it really sucks seeing the way this fandom treats transfem hcs and explicit genderbends, because like ive said before; they can truly be something so personal. you dont know why that person is drawing what theyre drawing, so its a little unwise to make assumptions based on ........ Well, whatever it may be. i know very well that women dressing the way society expects them to SUCKS, esp if you have personal ties to it, but you have to realize the issue isnt femininity, but misogyny.

[miss-mossball]

hi!! im the same anon who sent that ask, that makes me really happy to hear!! we were worried it may have come across as rude somehow but we're glad it meant well as intended!!! and heck yeah!! we're so glad to hear you're doing good.

DID rep is something that matters a lot to us,, to where we were actually very nervous engaging with the idea and showing our own perspectives on it. because we somehow got it in our head that people would accuse us of faking it. or misrepresenting, or whatever the sort. which! seems a little silly, now that it's put into words,

but those types of insecurities rule over us, so seeing it elsewhere is very deeply encouraging!! we're two years out of our bad life, and like... a year into figuring out who we are. so i think that'd be a good start! ehehe...

it's hard to accept the idea of being treated softly, even Now, but maybe it'd be easier to get used to the idea and the feeling if it's not.. Directly us experiencing that gentleness. hard to say, but an exciting experiment to conduct in soon time.

....this got deep i initially came here to make an amusing observation,

wanted to say 'wassup fellow ally of the Moss Allegiance' because i used to be called moss online, so my partner whose also been very deeply supportive of us and our explorations of our everything calls us marimo!

I only took your ask as something nice, please don't worry <3

DID rep is super important for me too! (which is why I have a review blog specifically for reviewing DID in media - @bunnidid-reviews ) I haven't done a proper review in a while, but I'm always trying to sniff out pieces of media that treat DID with compassion most of all

About your insecurities of being fakeclaimed, I can relate to that. I've done many things to mitigate ever being directly pointed at for having DID, like partitioning off my parts stuff and integrating them into stories so they're more like OCs, as well as changing details so when people do get nasty, at least I have some distance. It's not a silly fear, it can be very destabilizing when the disorder is based on denial itself. However, I've only ever had two people try to fakeclaim me, and one is a stalker who doesn't understand DID but I trusted with details with, and the other was someone who seemed very insecure about their own DID. Both those people don't know me well enough to actually say if I do or not, when I've been knowing and working around this for about 8 years.

And as for not feeling worthy of being treated softly, you are. But I also understand the struggles with not feeling worthy or conflicted about it, which is a major theme of my art. It might be worthwhile exploring the darker themes of the disorder in your art and stories. I find it helps me a lot to put my feelings into some sort of form that I can also look at later.

Also, no one says you have to post it publicly! I have dozens of writings that the public will never see. I have art I don't share with anyone at all. I just post here so Rou and Chime can see it without me shoving it in their face =v= )b (I also cant tell when im developing OCs or if parts are drawing always)

Ummm anyway thank you for your asks <3 Sorry for the super long ramble, this is stuff I'm passionate about. Much love and care your way fellow Moss!! (moss is great, I love Marimo as a name)

[sailorsally]

dean and cas baby jack endgame is the most delicious thing actually and every time someone says something along the lines of "that's just boring. where is the conflict in domesticity? what would even happen in 200k post finale domestic deancas w jack fic?" im like "EVERYTHING" Dean would have to finally work thru he trauma of having had to become a parent to Sam at such an early age. He would have bad days and feel trapped in the role again but then he'd realise it's not the same as it was because this time he is not doing this alone, Cas is there with him. Dean would try to contain his anger bubbling but occasionally raise his voice at Jack when the kid starts throwing food because for Dean who grew up food insecure that is an unimaginable waste, even if he knows they are well off now. It's just ingrained in him at this point. He would of course feel super bad about these incidents and avoid Cas. Maybe decide to sleep on a couch. See? Another conflict!

And Cas!!!! Cas would have huge moments of self doubt because Jack is a human he is supposed to raise. But is he qualified? He hasn't even been human long enough for this. God what is he supposed to do?? Dean would tell him to calm down because he's doing great and Cas would turn back bitchfaced and say "I don't think you understand what a huge responsibility raising a child is Dean" More conflict!!!!!! Tldr; when you have men (angel?) with issues and throw in a baby the issues become more ... crunchy!!

[bandtrees]

Also Mingus. Of course

SEND ME A CHARACTER!!

MINGUS!!!!!!!! OF COURSE. under the cut lol

Sexuality Headcanon: bi :] it's ourple just like her. i don't think she especially cares for romance or ponders her sexuality much, but in less of an "arospec" way and more of a "forming human connection with her is a losing battle" way. i usually love arospec hcs and do see aro mingus somewhat often but it's just not something i really see myself.

Gender Headcanon: generally cis woman but i feel like if she learned what being nonbinary was she would try and release and trademark her own neopronouns and make people pay to use them. i do also see her being interpreted as transfem sometimes and i think that's a really interesting reading but not one that i actively subscribe to.

A ship I have with said character: ghghnmnnormingus. it's been really fuckin funny watching the tides change in the fandom on this ship - for a while i'd pondered it but never said anything, and then there was the time period where it was considered a weird cursed minority and i got vagueposted about it, and THEN mich came and singlehandedly pilled the masses and now its just, like, a ship. funny how that goes. but all of that talk aside, i just think they have so much potential in, like, every stage of their dynamic. the timeframe where norm's consumed by his completely one-sided obsession (/neg) with her is SO fun to think about, as is the idea post-canon of them forging a more normal relationship and possibly more. they're two of dialtown's most intricately-written characters imo, and it really shows in how layered all of their interactions are :'] there is so much baggage between them and simultaneously so little (with the point of "norm cares way more about her opinion of him than she even thinks about him") and it just makes the final confrontation of ch3 pay off so damn well. listen to nemeses by jonathan coulton it's THE normingus song to me. ⬇ SOOO ch3 norm @ mingus to me

A BROTP I have with said character: god her dynamics with all the mingling are so funny, i could listen to that group of people babble on literally forever. i wanna hear them talk about non-green related issues i want to hear what this room sounds like when its time to argue about, idk, taxes

A NOTP I have with said character: dialtown does not have that many options for edgelord proshittery but i have seen efforts at the one(1) they have. Unfortunately .

A random headcanon: always has some kind of headwear on, whether it be her trademark little hat or other ones she has made for her, or headbands or headscarves or whatnot. it's mostly cuz her head looks really off to me without the hat so i work in substitutes when im drawing or imagining her in more casual settings

General Opinion over said character: the height of dialtown's writing, her and everything to do with her. dialtown is already a good game but it goes from good to great when mingus takes center stage, imo. she's so interesting and also funny to watch - i think "seems silly but actually has deeper stuff going on"-type stories are best when the silly and the serious are tightly interwoven and you can't really distance them from eachother, and mingus is a great show of that as an inherently super tragic but also super funny character. there's not a word of dialogue she speaks where you don't get the impression of how pathetic and overcompensating she is, and that works both for humor and for sadness really well. i also like, in general, when typically "sympathetic" character flaws are played to be difficult or dangerous - in mingus' case her insecurity and desperation to follow in her grandfather's footsteps, and her compassion in wanting to be one of the only people left who still really care about him, it's objectively very noble- but less so when it becomes everyone else's problem rather than just hers. she has this in common with her grandfather 👍

[theoneandonlyneonleon]

Stealing Fizzy's post bc I can do WHATEVER I WANT

@fizzywashere87 @erm-ackshally

~Pros and cons of dating yours truly~

Pros:

im super fucking loyal (unless you're a massive piece of shit, I will NOT leave you)

Im really affectionate (I will let you know how much I love/care about you at least 7 times a day. Occasionally, you may receive a paragraph of everything I love to about you and how happy you make me)

I'll send you memes/things that remind me of you/things you like

If you ever show me a picture of you, you better believe I'm hyping you the fuck up telling you how pretty/handsome you are (personal hype man 😎)

Good morning/goodnight texts

I love giving/making you little gifts (bracelets, pretty rocks and buttons, charms, etc.)

Random picture of two cats captioned 'Us?' Almost every day

I will absolutely 100% respect your boundaries. No question. You don't like me doing something? I will never do it again. (you better respect mine though)

Double Edged Sword:

I will make sure you've eaten/drunken water/slept enough (although I won't take my own advice on the subject)

Im funny as fuck (although the jokes are a coping mechanism and I often times won't take things seriously)

I will recommend/show you pieces of media I like (but I will be incredibly crushed if you don't like it/will pester you until you view said media)

Cons:

Im absolutely dogshit at consoling people, so I'm not much help if youre looking for comfort (ill definitely try though)

I am massively insecure and will definitely think you'll end up hating me

Its insanely hard to get me to open up and talk seriously about my issues/problems

I am terrible at communicating (you will almost always have to initiate conversation)

I will sometimes refuse to/just not take care if myself (eating, drinking water, showering, etc.)

If I don't know what to say in a conversation, you will get memes instead. Even if its supposed to be a serious conversation.

I can be extremely arrogant/cocky/stuck up at times

Im always right.

If I don't feel like talking, I wont. (I might ghost you for a day and a half with no explanation)

I have horrible anxiety so I'm always thinking that you hate me/are going to leave me

I will make shitty jokes about serious issues of mine (iykyk)

You have to incessantly bug me to get me to tell you how I'm actually feeling

Smal things like not receiving a goodnight back will absolutely make me think youre mad at me

Constantly seeking praise/validation

Jokingly (genuinely) self deprecating

[worldoflittlemissdestiny]

We Gon Be alrightttt

so i just finished my shift at grace, previous to my most recent post. and i am doing good! Grace wasnt super busy, Owen was really nice and he said i worked well purr. i ran into rivano which was nice i havent spoken to him in a while. he had a good proposition which was to work at grit for a night. sounds really cool ill try see if i can. and i also had a revelation about this me and sergio situation. before i saying anything i will say my previous. post about him are very harsh! it was from a very hurt place which i accept and appreciate i can identify it. but basically i was coming from a place of "i want to shit on him" not literally! figuratively! i wanted to hurt him as bad as he hurt me and then i realized i did already ! in the beginning of us hanging out i was a little distant because he was soo sweet and nice and i thought it was too good to be true. i didnt think he could actually like/love me because of my own insecurities. i remember he wanted to hangout and. i said no because i had work. i didnt want to get into because i was also meeting jess after not seeing her for like 5 months! we ended up back at ayla and i saw him sitting outside and i ran! ignored him, he made such a sweet gesture when he was deeply hurt and i hurt him more :(.i did hurt him and then he decided to focus on himself and i got hurt in the process. because somewhere along him choosing himself i chose him too. when we first hung out alone (when we played basketball) all that was going through my head was "maybe right person, wrong time" i wanted to say the opposite so idk what that means. but anyways if we are meant to be we will! i want to focus on me too now and will see how to it goes. idk how to handle sergio when he gets back, idk if i should ignore him or act like everything is fine. well it is fine but i dont need to dwell on something that isnt there. i feel better! and if you can identify the problem/ "the why", its half way solved. or expressing the problem correctly means its half way solved. sum shit like that. i was really hurt earlier and i might even feel sad again later but "we gon be alright!". i also did a "call back my energy" cleanse with sage before i left i think that did something good as well. And i prayed!!! ill try it tomorrow again. im gonna be okay! more than okay but i shall be good.

hopeful, if i dare say. some may say hope got me into this mess, but what is left if there is no hope. but to counter argue i say hope will get me out of this!

lol had this shit in my head during shift i had to type it out! bahhahabhabhabhahah. but yes i shall succeed and be amazing !! :))))

now 29/12/24

[iamatriangle]

Hi there, friend! I'd love to hear you ramble about two of my favorite Black Clover pairings Langris x Finesse and Finral x Vanessa, if you don't mind? Also, can I hear your Duck x Fakir from Princess Tutu opinions as well please? The awesome fanart you've been reblogging of them recently has given me life! Cheers!! 💖

Hi Acacia, thank you so much for the ask!! 💕 I’m having a horrifically busy semester, so I greatly appreciate the chance to sit down and talk about some of my favorite characters. This is SO EXCITING, prepare for a very lengthy post 😅

💛💙 Duck x Fakir (Starting with these two because they are my everything right now.)

My roommate convinced me to watch Princess Tutu a few weeks ago and I totally fell in love with it! The character arcs are so spectacular. I actually thought about asking you if you had seen it, as it seemed like something you might like based on the other shows you post about (But then I had already pitched it to everyone I knew irl so I figured I should just relax 😆).

But getting back to Duck and Fakir, I think they’re absolutely perfect for each other. Personally, it makes sense and compels me. I believe it’s canon that they have feelings for each other, or at least it’s strongly implied? Either way, Duck inspires Fakir and Fakir believes in Duck, which i think is so sweet, and I feel like Duck and Fakir bring out the best in each other. Also, the way they change together throughout the story is so beautiful! They both end up in way more mature and healthy places than when they started and were a big part of the other person’s growth. I think the best ships are the ones where the narrative weaves their stories together in that way.

This is just me ranting, but I need to mention how beautiful it is that Fakir loves Duck not as Princess Tutu, just as Duck. In Mytho’s case, he thought of Duck as a friend and he was very kind to her, but he didn’t love Duck, he loved princess Tutu. For Fakir to love the real her ties in SO WELL with how she grows from her insecurities and confusion about her identity. I could also scream for a very long time about the fact that Fakir would stay with her forever, even if she was only a duck. The love they have for each other is so mature, but also so sweet and innocent at the same time. They’re perfect!

That’s why the conclusion of their arc broke my heart so much, because they were perfect for each other and would have made each other so happy. It’s so bittersweet. I wouldn’t change it for anything, but I’m a sucker for the fics on ao3 where Fakir writes her back to being a girl. I can envision them having such a happy future together.

🩵🖤 Langris x Finesse

Im so excited to get the chance to talk about these two. They’re one of my all time favorite pairings and they’ve been on my mind recently! In my opinion, they make sense and are super compelling.

I sort of feel like at this point, I’ve thought about them so much that they’re more like my headcanon characters than a faithful representation of the actual characters in the show (I tend to do that lol😅). But even if I try my hardest to separate all of that from what is officially canon, I personally think that Langris and Finesse make more sense than Finesse and Finral. I could see those two being good together under different circumstances even if they aren’t my favorite ship, but I’m really not on board with the way the show is handling it. I’m not gonna open the can of worms that is Finral returning to his abusive household right now, but that is very unhealthy (and it seems like the show is encouraging it??) Even beyond that, I feel like Finral isn’t in the right headspace right now for a healthy relationship. He’s trying his best and I wholeheartedly believe that he cares about Finesse. But he’s been using romance and idealizing girls as a coping mechanism for a very long time, and from what we see on the show I feel like he’s romanticizing Finesse to a degree that wouldn’t be healthy in the long term. She’s his childhood crush and dream girl, and he feels like if he becomes “good enough” for her he can “win her heart.” I don’t know if I’m explaining this right at all, but in my opinion he’s not really treating her like a partner, as much he’s treating her like an ideal to someday be good enough to achieve, which is more tied in with his own self worth than actually seeing her and loving her for all she is. (Although I would totally see them together under different circumstances if he takes time to work on himself!)

Anyways getting back on track, we don’t see that kind of idealization with Langris. He seems to see her and what she wants more clearly, and loves her enough to accept that she is more interested in Finral and step aside. I feel like they so compatible as well, because neither of them are very passionate people like Finral or Vanessa are. I feel like they would have a beautiful, more subdued kind of love and would be able to fit neatly into each other’s lives.

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about the time period before Langris was possessed when they were engaged. My heart always breaks when I think about the fact that Langris truly believed Finesse hated him. I think he always felt that she would rather marry Finral, and that he was never able to be really open with her because of this, and even that he resented her for it. I think it’s so compelling that all of this is essentially a misunderstanding, because Finesse does like him, and clearly cares about him and trusts him because even after he went crazy at the royal knights exam she tried to defend and protect him and wasn’t afraid of him (I love Finesse, she has such a beautiful heart). I think that after some character development on Langris’s end, they would be good for each other.

💚🩷 Finral x Vanessa

Vanessa and Finral my darlings!! They have such a sweet canon friendship and seem to support each other so well. For me they make sense and are compelling.

I love how on Vanessa’s end, she is gentle with him when he needs support, but she also isn’t afraid to speak her mind to him in the early seasons when he’s being a sleaze. She keeps him in line, both in the sense that she helps him be a better person and also that she pulls him back to reality when he’s spiraling and feeling insecure. And since I mentioned Finral’s idealization of girls before, I should say that I personally can’t see this happening with Vanessa because they’ve been friends for so long and have both seen each other at their worst. He knows her so well that he couldn’t idealize her if he tried. If he falls in love with her, it’s because he truly sees her and loves her for all her faults. I think they would work so well in a relationship together in a hypothetical future when Finral has decided that going back to House Vaude isn’t the right choice and has gotten over Finesse.

Also on the topic of the future, I see them being incredible parents. They are both passionate and caring people, and I believe they would fully devote themselves to not repeating their parent’s mistakes. It would need to be a slow burn and they would both be very cautious because they value their friendship so much. But I think they make so much sense together!

Thanks again for the ask, I had so much fun with this!!

[cptnbeefheart]

i felt like i read a lot of books last year and its true that i read more than most years but i think i literally only read 3 1/2 books. reading is something ive always really struggled with and i think it has to do with needing to be like super hyperfocussed. idk i feel like if im not retaining and acknowledging the absolute most detail that i absolutely can then im wasting time. so I go pretty slowly and take plenty of notes to reference when i don't quite understand something mentioned in passing that happened chapters ago . and if i dont take a day or two between reading to absorb everything i feel overwhelmed. the notes help with my memory issues or putting everything together in my head. anyway ive always been super insecure about it and it probably sounds like no fun and too much work to everyone else and well it is a lot of work. which is what draws me to it and also discourages me. anyway pointless post im just saying it requires so much effort to me and i think its mostly due to myself and not the learning disabilities LOL. i heard once that dyslexic people tend to memorize facts because they learn information differently ironically i memorized this fact and perhaps thats why i feel like i need to get every single detail. also its just fun i really enjoy comprehensive breakdowns and literary analysis. i hope to read more this year perhaps its also a mix of not knowing what genres i prefer. vonnegut i can pick up immediately without trying as hard as other texts. i also force myself to read classics which are a bit more difficult bc i feel like i have to decode what theyre saying. ok im done now bye p[lease dont change your opinion on me im actually really self couscous (<- silly way to say self conscious ) about it

[gublersg1rl]

Hii lovely do you have like,,any tips on how to not overthink posting literally anything?

like I hate being perceived, especially when I‘m aware I‘m being perceived but even on apps like twitter or tumblr I‘m anxious to post, not because I want people to see but what if they see but that’s what posting is for but no one follows me so actually there is no reason to be scared?

maybe it‘s the -tism but I know other neurodivergent girlys are doing it too and I do wanna interact with people but on the other hand not because I‘m so so bad at social interactions and getting social cues, what if I‘m not funny enough but on the other hand I don’t exist to entertain-

I just wish I could be as cool as you or other people and just post yk?

hi beautiful angel !!!!!! this is actually something i used to struggle with a lot back when i first started my blog. if you look back at my old posts i had suchhhh a different personality and that’s because back then i was basically putting on this act so people would perceive me as cool but even then i was still so insecure there were multiple posts i made talking about how annoying i was and how i am embarrassed and want to delete my blog because im just too annoying. this was only because i was scared someone would see my posts and think i was immature & annoying. i didn’t want people to think all those negative things and think i was unaware. at the time I thought being annoying and aware rather than annoying and oblivious was less embarrassing so i constantly made those posts. the funny part is nobody ever called me annoying nobody ever called me embarrassing nobody ever called me immature but what i did get what people telling me they liked my blog or my vibe or they were happy they found my blog or i was funny or cool or they wanted to be friends, everything was always so positive.

something i think about a lot is if you meet someone who had the same personality and mind as you, you’d be their best friend. they guys would have the same humor and energy and thoughts and ideas and beliefs, how could you not be best friends? now, why are we insecure about someone we’d be best friends with? if you get what im saying.

honestly, i still kind of struggle with this. so idk if im giving the best advice! but genuinely just go for it!! because like yes im cringe and annoying and slightly immature but gublersg1rl is my creation and people love her!!! also you’re completely anonymous if you hate all ur posts and want to start over you literally can!!! sometimes it’s actually still hard to say stuff even anonymously like… i hate sending asks i always get super shy even tho it’s LITERALLY ONLINE AND ANONYMOUS. okok im getting sidetracked but START THE BLOG!!!!! WHO CARES WHAT PPL THINK!!!! I THINK UR SO COOL AND ID LOVE TO SEE U POST!!!

[saeithoshiswife]

How haikyu boys would act today

~If haikyu boys were highschoolers today how would they act? This i purely based on my opion ofc and if your guys like this please send me more charcters.~

Includes- Atsumu, bokuto, kurro, kenma,

Bokuto-

Says gyatt on the regular to random girls (Borderline sexual harrasment) or uses it in everyday language like "Ive gyatt to get to class guys"

Definitely used to naruto run in middle school to all of his classes

so annoying in class and when the teacher says something hell immdentaily throw his hands up and say he didnt even do anything. He might even ask the quiet girl in the corner if he did anything and when she doesnt respond he responds for her like "She agrees with me you just cant hear her"

used to say sheesh along with the lip biting and pose

"im not like other guys ive seen the notebook" when it was probably akkashi who was watching it and bokuto came in the room for 0.2 seconds

I think him and kuroos jokes would be either racist, homophobic, sexiest or all

used to wear the iconic black savage shirt with the red border around the font

he makes so much fun of the girls he likes

Atsumu-

one of those rich boys with the moms that are inlove with them and think he cant do any wrong especially to women

big slur user especially to your face. if he doesnt like you hell say them or hell just say them like its no big deal

owns a speed boat that he illegal drives and host partys on. hell post on his snap story being like 'this party is such bruh p/u'

cries to his mom

punches walls

used to dress and act like josh richards and noah beck in 2021

a literal women hater like os much its hard to belive hes not guy but hes always objectifying them so hes not

used to moan in middle school thinking it was funny

duck lips with the peace sign all the time and hes being completley serious

in a frat when hes in college

peaked in highschool

Kenma-

when speaking to a women hell ask her what her favortie game/anime is and then ask her to name 3 charchters and when she does he will immdeantiley discredit those charcters. Also he will call the anime she chose super popular so theirs no way shes an actual fan

smells like shit an stays up all night so there bags under his eyes. his hair is so greasy you could cook with it

"erm actually- goku solos every single anime verse"

call people racial slurs on the games only

follows that chicki guy who dances everyday until he gets a girlfriend

victim of the 2020 bleach phase

most horrible genshin impact player he mains mona, Rosiaria, bediou, itto and bought all the the outfits that came with them.

has a hatsume miku body pillow

since he doesnt shower he will just coat himself in axe body spray

grows out of everything and peaks right after college

Kuroo-

i honestly had no idea what to say about this man so i tried my best i belive this man is a sexy angel from the bottom of my heart so i had to truly think

used to stink like kenma but grew out of it in middle school

when he gets rejected he'll post 'nice guys always finish last'

acts dumb but is really smart

calls double dates 2 mans

wear his hat backwards with the sides of his hair sticking from under

white airforce energy

slept with everyone but somehow hes not slut shamed

with call girls whores when his body count is double theirs

doesnt believe in womens rights but also doesnt want to become a man so hes just insecure

in volleyball he will try to spike as hard as he can and purposefully hit someone in the face

became a nice respectable man because i believe his mother doesnt play like that and taught him a lesson at his old age for repecting women

secretly a munch and whorships his girlfriend acting like a baby in private and then an asshole in pubic

"this ones for you babe" the it goes out giving you the ick

poses in the gym mirror for his snap streaks

used to follow andrew tate and all those man quotes before his mom told him to cut it out

[sapphire-weapon]

Sending this so you have smth to answer that isn't racist children (as a black girl,,,,man these people are too comfy online)

ANYWAY i can't get the idea out of my head for a fic from Ashley's pov where she's incredibly lonely and doesn't trust that anyone actually wants to be around her for her but rather for her status/who she is, and that's why she's super distant with Leon to begin with.

And throughout the game her and Leon start bantering and getting closer and she's like well okay maybe he actually likes me for me, he's already got status, but she's not fully trusting

and then they get flirty and shes like oh god oh fuck i LIKE this guy???? and is like mildly panicky about it (im imagining she's never had an actual relationship bc of the trust issues, slept with people but never anything more) so she like awkwardly flirts back while freaking out about this + the whole, you know, mutant thing

and she convinces herself he's not actually into her and is just trying to keep her mind off everything/insecurities flare up UNTIL we get to the bit where Leon breaks free of Saddler's control for a second and drops to his knees trying to stop him touching Ashley. and she's like ?!?!!!?! oh god this is real he actually cares but it's too late now to do anything bc we're gonna DIE and she thinks all this while unable to move and watches him get thrown into the pit.

if i were to actually write this I'd make it SO angsty and maybe end it at that point lol I love to put my faves in Situations. i probs won't write it so here's an idea if ur interested lol <3

Anon we must be plaga'd or something, because I have had a very similar fic idea in my head for DAYS, only with the roles reversed. Because like... I was thinking about how many times Leon whiffs with his attempts at flirting with Ashley throughout the entirety of the game (he really doesn't actually "crack the code" so to speak until the dining hall convo), and I was like

When was the last time Leon actually got laid?? Why is he so rusty at this, why is he so bad at it at the start when he clearly has game once he, like... remembers how? Why's he out of practice?

And then I started thinking about my headcanon of how Leon probably went out with other guys from the army to pick up girls and stuff and how that probably stopped within a year or two, and I realized... the last time Leon got laid, he probably looked completely different. He was probably still, for the most part, his lean but cut RE2make self, and there's a non-zero chance he has a really minor sense of body dysmorphia because of how much he's changed physically in such a short window of time.

And I was like... you know, there's a shitton of fics of Leon helping Ashley cope with the aftermath of what happened, but I don't think I've ever seen it the other way around. I've never seen a fic where Ashley looks at Leon and goes "you're crazy for thinking no one would want you or want to be with you." And have the whole thing sort of tie back to how Ashley brings out his RE2 self again, and make it so that she helps him just feel like a person again.

And now I get your ask and I'm like

What if I combined these ideas?

What if there's issues on both sides for them to work out together? Ashley's trust issues + Leon's self-worth/self-image issues.

I actually did want to try to explore my initial idea through fic this upcoming weekend (today is my Friday! So I have the next two days off) and now having this to flesh it out more is like 👀👀👀 maybe I got something here.

I'll try to keep u guys posted!!

[transexualpirate]

serious post ew look away but i need to vent for a second

it's infuriating how fast i can go from feeling amazing to feeling like actual garbage. just this week i was happy that things are looking up for me and mulder and my little petsitting business was taking off and i was doing good at college only for things to go bad again because it always feels like im not allowed to enjoy feeling happy for too long

i know i sound super dramatic right now but i can't help it thats my natural reaction to things. im dramatic. its who i am.

my roommate is moving out possibly this week and im glad because we haven't been getting along well recently but also the bills are piling up and i was already on the edge of it as it was but i could still maintain things. but i just learned that my landlord wants to raise rent 10% unexpectedly and i know it isn't a lot and i can probably still pay it but it's still scary. it'll be my first time living 100% on my own and i have a cat to care for (thank goodness because if i had to live actually alone i dnt know what id do lol but with a cat relying on me i know im safe) and it's just. i dont know. it kind of feels like a lot. i dont know if im ready for this if ill do well if ill be okay and i hate that so much. everything is so expensive and im looking for a job but it's so so hard to find one i can do while still having time to spare for college and im scared that my grades will drop because this semester has been really hard and I'm really insecure about my own intellectual abilities. and keeping an entire apartment clean by myself. can i even do that. i struggle with keeping my room liveable sometimes what if i fuck up and the house gets super dirty and it's embarrassing and i can never bring anyone over in fear of them finding out what a fucking mess i am. not that my friends come over a lot obviously. i dont know if my friends like me very much. one of them drifted away from me after i fucked up twice once by sleeping with one of her friends and making things super awkward because he fell for me but i dont like him that way and twice because my roommate and i aren't that good right now and my roommate is also a close friend of hers. and i have other friends but i always feel like i cant keep long lasting meaningful friendships if we see each other often because i fucking suck. i think im just a little bit of a mess right now and it's. exhausting. im scared. im scared and money is running thin and i can always ask my parents for more but im scared of doing that too because my mom always makes it seem like i own her something when she gives me money. which i guess i do so it makes sense. but im tired of owning things to people and i was trying to go by without depending on her so much but i guess im not ready for that. im almost 19 and i feel 13 when things started crashing around me for the first time and it's a little more than a month to my birthday which is often a shit time because of bad things that happened there and i dont know dude i dont fucking know i think im just overwhelmed i wish i could go to therapy again but i don't have the money or the time really. at least i have mulder. ill always have my cat. i love him so much. at least i have him. i have to hope things will get better. i have to hope and work for things to get better and i know this because i worked before and it worked. but god im tired and i just wish i could go to sleep and not wake up to bad news for once. i wish i could go to sleep. fucking hell

[natsmagi]

hello !! yet another different anon, but just wanted to share this while we’re on the topic of self-criticism - hopefully this doesn’t come off as patronizing, it’s just smth i’ve found helps me as an artist and hopefully it’ll help u :D

i think it’s rlly important to view old art more from the perspective of the feelings u had making it rather than the actual content of the art itself. sure, ur artistic skills have improved a lot over the years, and maybe when ur looking back at ur older work u see a lot of flaws in it - weird anatomy, bad lighting, articles of clothing that don’t make sense, etc (not saying ur old art has any of these i’m just listing examples i’ve had in my own lol) - but u had fun making it !! it’s a drawing of something u loved and still love, and it served its purpose as an outlet to express that love. when people go back and like those old drawings, they’re not seeing it for its flaws - they’re seeing it for the love it represents, a love they probably feel themselves. while it’s good to critique ur own work to some extent for the sake of improvement, people liking ur old stuff is far from cringe-worthy! it’s just someone enjoying something u once enjoyed too, like an internet happiness hand-me-down :)

again, this sort of mindset has rlly helped me personally - i don’t feel as nervous about drawing or posting, bc im just having fun !! it’s ok if it’s kind of janky or has weird details, it was made with love and people can see and appreciate that. nobody ever stops improving or seeing flaws in their work, so its best to focus more on the joy it gave u and push urself towards improvement with the promise of even more joy rather than forcing urself to improve under the threat of feeling ashamed of ur creations

hopefully all of this makes sense i kind of have the shakes rn lol. sorry for the super long ask, i just dont rlly know how to explain all of this in a short way-

hope u are having a fantastic day full of pretty girls !!!!

omg no worries at all!! your message read as very sweet so please dont stress urself out over how u came across!!

AND I DEFINITELY AGREE!! tbh its a mindset i tend to have, but i think where ive lacked is definitely in applying the "im just doing it for fun" logic to past me. i tend to be someone who very much lives in the present and have a bit of a disconnect both from the past and the future, and this can cause me to totally disregard everything about my past self and past work LOL. so honestly having all this put into words has kinda been an "OHH RIGHT" moment for me KASJHFJAHSDKJ

theres also the factor of my audience being bigger now........ im not really someone who likes having alot of eyes on me for various reasons, which sometimes causes me to waver a bit AKJSHFKJH THOUGH ITS NOT THAT BAD. i think most of my shyness comes from having artists i really admire now see my art and im like "FUCK IC ANT HAVE IT LOOK BAD WHAT IF THEY SEE" which can cause me to overthink things But also i tend to forget that those people even follow me 80% of the time. tbh all of my "insecurities" in regards to my art are purely circumstantial and only really present themselves if im in a flustered state, but a large portion of the time im just chilling KJAHSFJKHK

i do also wanna say tho that i think the viewing all art as coming from a place of love sentiment is very sweet........ esp bc in the beginning one of the compliments i got the most was along the lines of "your love for the characters really shines through!!" so to think that, in spite of potential quality, that love is still visibly present makes me very happy.......... Perhaps if u have genuine love for what u do itll shine through no matter what