#I'm aliven't

[insonorus]

Never thought i could still cry with angst stories. But here I am bawling my eyes out with the same freaking cliche...

[ofdetonation]

hello! let me quickly run through some updates that have happened but i've neglected to mention. even if i ain't here, i may as well keep you informed - because once the bnha manga starts picking up again, i wanna be here.

putting it under a read more, bc it's all irl stuff. nonetheless, hope you all are holding up! it's been a real tough year jfc.

ms progression: so, six months on kesimpta (ofatumumab), still getting lesions popping up. from an mri on sept 4, had 3 new ones on the brain. hooray. progress seems to have slowed though, and sensory stuff hasn't been affected, so it's just brain stuff. makes sense, right?

family stuff: a close relative of mine is dipping in and out of hospital with treatment for something that's likely going to kill them before they're "cured". it's been pretty rough on the family, me included. it's been a long time coming but it still kinda sucks. another one's also jumping around doctors for issues, but that's less of the severe impending doom nature and more of the "oh well that's not good" nature.

trying to stay positive has been one hell of a task, but that's kind of why i've been deep diving into bg3 while not really interacting with people (see: maybe 2-3 people in a day). it's also why i haven't been on! keeping as sane as i can.

if you're still sticking around while i have all this going on, thank you! i haven't been active for ages, so i really appreciate it!

i really hope the bnha manga picks up (aka: bring back b.kg already i'm getting so sick of him being aliven't in this goddamn house), because i'd love to get really involved in the fandom and all! when i'm doing better, anyway. i'll hopefully come in with another update on my health in... a few weeks? recovery from lesions take way too goddamn long.

in the meantime: take a couple of screenshots from my current hyperfixation. deadass. i am (almost completely) unapologetic about how obsessed i am with this game, and i'll literally talk about it 24/7 365 rn.

oh, and a couple of my guardian in this playthrough. just bc i'm proud of her too.

[lubotomies]

The Amino was run largely by minors. That was their biggest issue. You had like one or two adults in the mod team. Just about everyone else was under 18.

They would blacklist the SHIT out of you if you caused even the slightest problem for them. One artist was very open about exposing their hypocrisy and favoritism (they clearly favored their friends and would often give them special treatment).

Refused to make a statement or take down "Happy Edd Day" posts (on the anniversary of Edd's death). At least two different people even had their friendly "Don't say 'Happy Edd Day" PSAs flagged by the mods for "harassment."

One of the mods (a 14 year old) ENCOURAGED someone they were harassing to commit aliven't, and rumors spread that the victim actually went through with it. I'm not sure if it's true but jfc.

Same 14 year old mod also frequently targeted and harassed people off the Amino.

They platformed the hell out of toxic leaders in the EW art community like Moho and this one artist who I can't remember the name of (pasmix or something? Don't take my word for it) who would bully young and "less skilled" artists.

I had to go to three different mods to get a transphobia issue dealt with (the only reasonable mod at the time dealt with it. They ended up leaving at some point, though, which made things even worse).

FULL DISCLOSURE: the Amino is run by different people, now, as far as I know. They're running it MUCH better from what I've heard. Back in 2016-2018 though? Oh boy.

ill let this speak for itself and if anyone can correlate go ahead, again i wasnt on amino so ive got to take your guys' word for it. otherwise nothing to add and ill leave the ask as it is ^^

[everyone-is-incorrect]

Kazuya: astrology girls after they made someone commit aliven't because they weren't the same star sign as them: omg I'm such a ✨ Scorpio ✨ 💅 👀 💋 ❤️

[metal-queer-rex]

May I have a Sakura for the ask game 👉👈

Favourite thing about them so difficult to not just say everything, but i especially like how protective she is of her friends. she's very rough and rugged but under her appearances she's super caring

Least favorite thing about them the aliven't makes me too sad

Favourite Line "Whatever you subject us to, we will not break."

brOTP chihiro!

OTP Aoi of course <3

nOTP men

Random headcanon going to hope's peak helped her hang out with girls (a lot of strong ones too!) and got her out of her "gotta be strong, can't be emotive" mindset

Unpopular opinion i'm not a fan of her design from before she's all beefed up

Song I associate with them ouch that was a hard one, but uhhhh Satori from The Blood Spray of Goemon Ishikawa

Favourite picture of them this one image of pure 100% lesbianism

[z-is-very-tired]

A collection of (some of) my cross stitch projects

For @4typercent

This isn't anywhere near all of them, just what (1) isn't in storage and (2) I have a photo of - something I'm notoriously bad at apparently.

Completed:

Eevee (first in a series of all eeveelutions I want to do)

Please don't summon spirits in the bathroom (the "mirror" frame is metallic and working with metallic thread made me want to aliven't)

Spooky sunroom - from the Creepy Cross Stitch book

Welcome Home, also from the Creepy Cross Stitch pattern book:

My old battle jacket (the band Creeper's Calloused Heart logo - done on aida then sewed onto the vest)

My current battle jacket (done directly onto the denim - hated every second, looks sick though)

Works in Progress

My minimalist "I Want to Believe" poster-sized project, that I have been working on intermittently since like 2017 - this is its current status. I lost my q-snap frame and need to get a new one. That is a 12" hoop, the entire Calloused Heart fit in it when I was working on it.

Lovers' Graves (also from the Creepy Cross Stitch book - do we see a trend)

[cynicalmusings]

He's... dead. We pretend he is aliven't

I... I'm almot 7ft tall. I don't even wanna know how you are so teeny.

what if he was one of celestia’s gods… which would explain their whole punishing of her and casting her out and chasing her down and whatnot… and maybe, if we want to change the plot and make it a bit more appropriate for rhine’s character, it’s because she was working on some scientific serum experiment thing and something went wrong and so she had to be hunted down…

only for her to use this serum as a last resort to save her life, which resulted in her transforming into a titan… this is working better than a thought it would.

[cat-eclipse-m]

aliven't

hey!

i'm aliven't

it means, by definition~!-

being alive, on one side

but being dead, on the other!

how's it feel, to be like this?

well, i dunno, ask someone else here!!

nah just kidding!! i love living!

i wouldn't do anything else in my life!

maybe it would be better, of course

if i was deadn't, but maybe i am-

mentally, deadn't, it's the right word

physically, aliven't, it's also?- the right word?

battle! duel! against each other~!

deadn't plus aliven't equals into-!

wait...

whah????

aliven't! aliven't!

same concept as everything else!

aliven't! aliven't!

alive but also dead in every other way~!

maybe i'm pushing this a lil' too far

maybe i'm being, a lil' too harsh

but, you see what i mean, sometimes you gotta see the beauty in being mean!

you can't just piss off somebody

without expecting a reaction!

imagine doing it for fun!

couldn't be me...

oh.

aliven't! aliven't!

same concept as everything else!

aliven't! aliven't!

alive but also dead in every other way~!

---love you guys for reading my songscripts. but also, eat shit.----

[scarluxia]

the You fandom needs to STFU about "hating Guinevere Beck = victim blaming, WAH."

In the book, sure, she was an asshole, but she was paradoxically a better character. The show tried to make her a ✨relatable everygirl✨, but instead they made this self-absorbed, flaky, tactically inept, lying, cheating, whiny twit who couldn't find a way out of a wet paper bag. Quite frankly, trying to pass someone like her off as an "everygirl" is insulting to real women. And you know what, yeah, there ARE a lot of ways she could have avoided being unalived by Joe, and calling her out on tactical ineptitude is NOT the same as saying she """deserved""" what happened. I don't care if she did or didn't, but I WAS cheering when Love Quinn said Beck was unremarkable and mediocre.

When we first met Beck, she showed some signs of intelligence and likability that sadly didn't last past a couple episodes. She had a steady job, was working her ass off, showed some serious balls to the professor who was acting inappropriately towards her, and it was easy to root for her. When Joe started stalking her and acting like he was the lead in a romantic comedy, yeah the show did a good job of pointing out how those types of comedies can influence toxic behavior on impressionable minds.

but dear GOD that girl was so up her own ass! I do feel like Joe genuinely tried to help her at some points, sure for selfish reasons, but I honestly don't care about those. He kept house for her, cooked for her, threw her this gorgeous theme party and baked her a really thoughtful cake. He even vouched for her and got her a job at his place of work, which she couldn't even BOTHER to attempt to do properly. It's understandable that she would need SOME time off from doing anything to mourn her friend's death, but I genuinely don't think that's what was going on there. I think she was being a flake and grasping for anything to use as an excuse to avoid taking responsibility. She didn't get her worked turned in on time for the lady professor even though Blythe did EVERYTHING in her power to help her (side note: "the most analog princess in the land" would use a pen and paper, NOT A TYPEWRITER). This chick just didn't want to be helped and I cannot overemphasize how much I HATE that type. A lot of her problems were her own damn fault because play stupid games = win stupid prizes.

Was Joe a dumbass for aliven't-ing people close to her? Yes; she would realistically be considered a suspect, and don't even get me started on him TAKING A CALL WHILE TRYING TO HIDE A BODY. (They're both tactically inept but I can rant about Joe in another post.) But up to a point he did care about her, and I believe he did trust her to a degree and she betrayed that trust.

Now, sleeping with her therapist HAHAHAHAHA okay MAYBE he took advantage of her because blah blah blah position of power blah blah (although another fandom I'm in has probably warped my view regarding that). But she didn't even have the grace to act ashamed or even try to pin it on him for taking advantage of her. That makes me think she CHOSE to cheat on Joe. And if memory serves, this was right after she'd gotten back WITH Joe after helping him cheat on Karen. He was 100% correct to suspect her. Now, following her to verify it, that's a moral grey area (hey, the internet remembers what those are, right?), but she was WAY more concerned that he was """following""" her than the fact that SHE was doing something that hurt him and got caught doing it. (And I'm not absolving him of responsibility; he fucked up, too, a lot, but again, that's for another post.)

Why the FUCK did she feel the need to go snooping in the ceiling after she was so freaked out about him following her (aka invading her ✨privacy, wah✨)? When you snoop, you might find things you don't like. It's an occupational hazard of being FUCKING NOSY. (I would know! 😃 )

Her reaction to what was in the box was... average. Can't fault her for that. But the way she HANDLED IT OMG. Like... What Joe was doing was absolutely not normal, but she should have KNOWN hey, this guy is fucking obsessive and crazy at this point! Maybe being fidgety and super obvious about trying to get away, and ALERTING HIM TO THE FACT THAT YOU'RE TRYING TO GET AWAY, IS A STUPID IDEA!!! Literally she could have just said, "Hey... I'm SO sorry but I accidentally broke your jar. I promise I'll buy you another one. In fact, we can go shopping now if you want." & then give him the slip at the store using the ladies' room or whatever. Now with that  being said, no, she didn't """deserve""" to be knocked out and wake up in a cage, but I'm not sure how the fuck she expected her super obvious attempt to leave (when he was SURE to discover what happened) would work in her favor. Dumbass!

Waking up in the cage. Okay, here's where my personal tactics diverge from what's considered a "normal reaction". I actually pitched a "wake up in a cage" plot to a friend to use with our frenemy characters. Maybe this shows a lack of diversity on my part, but I'm pretty sure EVERY single one of my characters would have the sense to pretend it's a romantic vacation. She clearly knew that's how he wanted to be perceived. Failing that, she could have played dumb (I'm not sure why that was hard for her since she legit IS DUMB).

"Joe? Honey? Uh... what's going on? Did you bring the pancakes?"

or

"Hey, I'm sorry I broke your jar, but don't you think this is an overreaction?"

or literally something else innocuous like that.

Playing into his desire to hear what he wanted-- FUCKING EVENTUALLY, IT TOOK HER GODDAMN LONG ENOUGH-- was a smart move, but she overplayed her hand and screaming at him about being a """psycho""" or whatever 🙄🙄🙄 probably just motivated him to deathify her faster because obviously he'd get defensive & be in denial about that shit. Calling a psycho a psycho rarely works out in your favor just FYI.

Pretty sure she had him knocked out at one point, so like... she could have Removed him as a Threat permanently but she didn't and that was also a tactical error on her part. ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS make sure you finish a job like that if you think your life is at risk.

Anyway it's like 3:00 a.m. and I'm rambling about a show I honestly loved at first, but GOD!!! BECK IS THE WORST JOE GIRL IN THE SHOW. Book Beck at least had some COMMON FUCKING SENSE and she had a better chance at surviving her captivity. It actually made me SAD that Book Beck didn't, but Show Beck I was just fuckin rooting for Joe to pest control her ass already.

 (Marienne is my favorite but ONLY after I saw her showing some serious fortitude in season 4.) I adored Love the first time I saw season 2 but then the second time it was like ehhhhh being the whiny brand of manipulative was really unnecessary, and good GOD did the writers lose track of her character in season 3! I don't even know if 2 Love and 3 Love were the same PERSON! And, no, you can't put all those fuckin changes on post-partum.  Post-partum affects aspects of your mood and behavior; it does NOT change your entire fucking personality. I miss the fun, carefree, obsessive but adorable about it Love from like the first few episodes of season 2 before the whinging and mind games set in. And, seriously? They didn't need to make her first husband's demise not-an-accident. I was fine with thinking he died from illness, but learning retroactively about her paralyzing a MUTE MAN WHO USES HIS HANDS TO TALK just felt... weird. Also how the FUCK did Ms. "LA runs deep in these veins" make friends with someone like Sherry and cut out Sunshine, Sunshine's wife forget-her-name, and GABE???? Should be fuckin criminal. I think those three kept her grounded.

And the Season 4 girl was... ehhh she gave him useful resources and took his crazy in stride, but idk she's otherwise forgettable. I don't even remember her name (nor can I be assed to look it up). I think it might have been Kate, but don't quote me on that. I didn't like her overall personality.

And yeah I'm bitching about a LOT of the women in the show, so let's name some ladies I liked.

- Blythe. Super pretentious but in similar ways to me, and she's cultured and intelligent enough to get away with it. Also she DID do her utmost to help Beck, and her romance with Ethan is completely adorable.

- Peach to a degree. Her actress is hot, and while she wanted to keep Beck as a pet, she was also pretty generous about helping her. Her love for Beck was equally as obsessive as Joe's, but you know what? She knew Beck longer and in addition to being a closeted lesbian, she struck me as borderline with some of her reactions to things, and that's GENUINELY relatable, not "teehee tv execs think this is relatable!"

- ANNIKA. Annika is the absolute best girl in season 1. I adore her and I'm glad she survived. I wish we'd seen more of her because omg her personality was absolutely perfect.

- Sunrise, completely adorable, sweet, and supportive.

- Ellie's a kid, but for the most part she had her shit handled. Her bratty teenage moments were entirely realistic and didn't detract from her characterization at all.

- like I said, I adored Love at first... until she started treating Joe like everything he did was wrong.

- trying to think of any girls I liked from season 3 and coming up completely blank. I did enjoy a few of the male characters and one of the actors who plays my favorite Canon Love Interest in another show was in it. Season 3 Marienne was pretty meh, but I don't think I hated her or anything.

- in season 4 OH MY GOODNESS Phoebe! Phoebe is everything! I'm SO GLAD she survived!!!

- Nadia was okay. She's so close to Ellie's age that the way Joe treated her was pretty shocking to me 😕 I guess once they're 18+ they're fair game.

- And like I said, Marienne won major points with me for her strength and resilience.

Anyway this has been my late night/early morning rant about why Beck made terrible decisions. And again let me stress - I don't think she DESERVED to be tortured or exterminatus'd. I do, however, think Joe's reactions to her behavior were 100% realistic.

[romanadvora]

An Unearthly Child

season 001 : story 001 : episodes 001-004

23 NOV 1963 - 14 DEC 1963 || 8 - 12 NOV 2022

As was said with the pilot, the first episode of this serial is near perfect as an introduction to the show, and easily stands head and shoulders above the rest of the serial.

Improvements to the story include;

Susan actually reading the book she gets from Barbara instead of the silly Rorschach.. thing. Side note ABOUT said book, whether intentionally or not, her reading about the French Revolution when the last story of the season takes place during the Revolution is a nice way of linking the season together.

Re-filmed scenes with Ian & Barbara are slight improvements where they just feel more familiar with their roles, and each other.

The Doctor's dialogue has SIGNIFICANTLY improved. His wittiness towards Ian when he's saying how he'll find a policeman to confront the Doctor is just.. *so* enjoyable to watch. The Doctor's monologue inside the TARDIS is so well written;

"You're treating us like children"

"Am I? The children of my civilisation would be insulted"

"Your civilisation?"

"Yes, my civilisation. I tolerate this century, but I don't enjoy it. Have you ever thought what it's like to be wanderers in the fourth dimension? Have you? To be exiles? Susan and I are cut off from our own planet, without friends or protection. But one day we shall get back. Yes, we shall get back. Until then there must be no regrets, no tears, no anxi--" hang on I'm getting a bit ahead of myself there.

On the topic of the Doctor's dialogue... the Red Indian comment is... something I'd happily forget. Without it, the first episode of this story would be a perfect 10.

Oh yeah. There's more to this story than just the first episode. If only there wasn't....

I completely get the narrative function of going back to cavemen-times, the technological divide between the Doctor & Susan, and Ian & Barbara being comparable to the divide between Ian & Barbara, and the cavemen, but... watching an hour of "Za makes fire" -- "Fire will kill us all" is so very tedious. While there's some interesting character moments like the Doctor being fully prepared to invert Za's[?] face, and then clumsily trying to deny it is something I actually quite like with the first Doctor; still so apathetic to other life that he views everyone as historical figures who aren't "real" in the same way you would subconsciously view a death from 100 years ago as "lesser" than a death in the current day. The first Doctor's journey goes from being this apathetic historian scientist, to a traveller who fights injustice throughout the universe. Looking at his lack of consideration for Ian and Barbara's wellbeing in um.. kidnapping them, and his willingness to aliven't Za, and comparing it to "Love! Pride! Hate! Fear! Have you no emotions?" in the Tenth Planet really shows how much he grows as a person -- having truly "become" the Doctor in the way that we've understood the character for the last 55 odd years. There are some good shot, and nice character beats, but in the end the caveman portion of the story gets too caught up in uninteresting caveman politics and damselisation. Barbara becoming a crying damsel in distress for Ian to save was even more frustrating given she doesn't have the excuse of being a "fifteen year old" in Susan's case (that doesn't mean Susan gets a free pass mind you). Overall its... fine. The caveman drama is pretty rubbish, but the occasional good scene, and the incredibleness that is the first episode drag this story out of shit, to good.

★★★½☆

[undyingghoul]

I'm so smooth that you could run a knife through me and put me on bread (don't try that there's a chance I'll be aliven't as a result)

HELP IT'S TOO LATE TO BE HAVING THE URGE TO LAUGH MY ASS OFF AT THIS HAHA

[generalstarkov]

grisha fam how are we feeling?

[hachiimi]

Hachi are you still alive?

[wits-half]

Which One o Yous made that post about platform boots for norman.... curse you...

i took that in a different direction. basically he could just have platform boots that are suitable for the glider bindings. also he is extra.

norman never took his goblin suit off so i think he'll be just fine walking around being a lil taller

[aftout]

do you think they’ve explored each other’s bodies

[snowe-zolynn-rogers]

When you’re in a major depressive episode with keep slipping and zoning out from ADHD and dissociating from anxiety at the same time while having an on and off flare for the last 3 days but you’re trying to be everything for everyone because everyone else’s needs come before your own mental health that has been ignored or pushed to the back burner for years anyway.