#I'm a chronic over thinker

[wtfuckevenknows]

42 and 43 maybe?

Hiiii anon :) Thanks for the prompts, I'll do the other one tomorrow, because I should already be in bed. I'm hoping you meant the kiss prompts and since you didn't give me a ship I'm just assuming Tarlos.

This was supposed to be a fluffy joyful thing and then it turned into this somehow and I've been overthinking it (@noxsoulmate @goodways @paperstorm & @thebumblecee had to listen to me whine about it) but I'm gonna say fuck it and post it the way it is and go to sleep trying not to think about it anymore 😂

42: a kiss out of pride 

They were in New York together for the first time, visiting Jonah and Enzo and coincidentally it was also Pride week. 

When TK had cautiously brought up the idea of walking in the pride parade in Austin Carlos hadn't felt comfortable “flaunting” his sexuality for his family, his employer, people he knew to see. 

He wasn't ashamed, neither of his sexuality nor of TK, but it had taken him a long time to be comfortable in his own skin, to realize there was nothing wrong with him, to accept himself as he was. And while he didn’t hide, he also didn't feel like putting on a show, being looked at by people who knew him, people he might encounter on the job. 

So when he learned that they would be in New York City during THE pride parade of all pride parades, he wanted to extend an olive branch to TK, who had been disappointed in Carlos refusal to walk the parade in Austin, even though he never said anything. But Carlos knew his husband. 

New York had the added bonus of anonymity. No one knew him, he was just somebody walking in the parade, looking hot as sin (TK’s words, not his) in a white mesh shirt and black silk shorts. TK looked fabulous on his arm, wearing nothing but a black thong (little exhibitionist that he was), his body covered in glitter. 

Carlos nearly had a stroke when he realized the thong was all TK was planning to wear to the parade. But far be it for him to tell TK what to wear, as long as he felt comfortable (and stayed close to Carlos, so he could make sure everyone else kept their hands to themselves), he could do whatever he wanted.

Carlos was a little (or a lot) turned on by TK’s confidence. His husband was dancing carefree to the music being played on the float in front of them while they marched in the streets of NYC. He was so absolutely, all consuming, ridiculously in love with TK, he just had to pull him towards him by his hand, planting a fiery kiss on his husband’s lips. 

You can find the other prompt fills here or on ao3.

Send me a Ship and a Number and I will Write a Kiss

[gachagon]

Hiori's ego is really fragile glass

and it's really fucking cool, I adore the imagery they used for this reveal. In Blue Lock there's always this big moment where the characters come flying apart in strange fragments, either in puzzle pieces or weird black "monster goo" etc which is supposed to be representative of their ego. And we finally have Hiori's ego!

When I first saw it I thought that maybe it was just random shards not meant to really represent anything but this panel where he and Isagi are both thinking at the exact same time about the same play let me know that this is him showing his ego off proudly, and I think Hiori's ego is super cool in a unique way.

Often times, when we think about glass or mirrors, we think about how easy they are to break. How fragile they are, and when mirrors are broken you can't exactly see the reflection in them clearly anymore. That is exactly why Hiori gets paired with glass shards as his ego, because seeing everything all at once was the thing that was holding him back. From Hiori's perspective, whenever he would play, he wouldn't do it for himself but for the dreams of other people. His parents expectations weighed heavy on him, and were the sole reason for him joining Blue Lock.

When he's finally breaking free from the idea of playing for others, the moments on the glass shards are from his childhood, times where he had played soccer just for the benefit of his parents and nobody else. So in a sense, Hiori is breaking apart but in the best way possible because now he's playing for himself and making choices he wouldn't have thought about making before. He's not seeing the "big picture" that his parents had forced on him, which is why he relies more on his instincts instead.

I really feel like this is an interesting subversion of the predator eye skill that has been touted in other chapters, because those characters all had this big revelation the moment they could use it. They all spaced out, and were awed at just how much thinking and brain power they had to do in order to fully use it on the field. But Hiori isn't thinking, he's just playing by ear for the first time in his life, and that's how he's able to use this new skill to his advantage.

Breaking apart was the key Hiori needed in order to unlock his ego, because the thing that was holding him back was this constant anxiety and fear about doing things on his own. Being allowed to fail in life is such an important thing that people need to experience, and since he was never allowed to be anything less than perfect at soccer, he built this whole solid wall around himself when he played and would only rely on others to try and get ahead instead of truly playing selfishly.

He may have thought he was an egoist simply because he joined Blue Lock, but it's clear Hiori didn't think he'd ever have the possibility of being like the others, of truly being number 1 (because being the number 1 striker isn't even a dream of his, it's someone else's entirely).

And what's also really neat about Hiori's ego being represented by glass is how it contrasts Isagi's puzzle pieces. One is a chronic over thinker who's always seeing everything all the time in his head, and the other just turns his brain off to do the sickest shit on the field with pure reflexes. Now it makes so much more sense as well why Hiori's backstory chapter included him playing so many video games, specifically shooters. Because those are games you play where you mostly have to rely on your instincts and reflexes. You don't have to see everything in front of you, you don't even have time to do that in those types of games.

So it's cool to see how this little hobby of his was foreshadowing the way he'd use his skills in the upcoming match. The only thing left to wonder is if this will really be enough for them to win. If they don't score here Noa will be really upset by it since he let Isagi take a gamble with adding Hiori to the field. Part of me is optimistic, but I'm also convinced they'll lose because they've already won most of their games so far lol.

[naesarangyunho]

You already know this but San x fem!reader pretty please <3 Where him and the reader go from friends to strangers to lovers. San and reader misunderstand their feelings for platonic ones and eventually fall apart due to "unrequited love", San sees reader asomeone else and tries to win her back. Write me your smuttiest smut >:)

All About You- Choi San

NSFW CONTENT MINORS DNI

(Title from All About You by ATEEZ)

Contains: childhood best friends to lovers, realisation of feelings, getting together, fluff, angst with happy ending, protective bestie Mingi, strangely responsible Wooyoung and Yeosang, the rest of the boys being chaotic, eventual smut, fingering (fem), hickies, unprotected sex (you guys stay safe though), slightly possessive and jealous San, idk what else

[Wordcount: 8.2k]

A/N: I went off script a little, bestie, sorry😭 I'm also sorry it's so long😭 I hope you like it still.

San pulled out and rolled off of his girlfriend before he'd even properly caught his breath again, eager to move onto something else and Yunji just watched him with a scowl.

She wasn't sure if he was even aware of what he was doing but she couldn't help but think that as time passed he seemed to want to be less and less intimate with her. They hadn't been on a single date in months which she supposed in the grand scheme of things wasn't all that important but it still hurt. What hurt even more though was that he barely held her anymore and she had started to get the impression that sleeping with her had started to seem like a chore to him. He wasn't as passionate as he had been when they had first met and it was beginning to seem that he wasn't even enjoying himself anymore. He wasn't as vocal anymore during intimate acts and seemed to focus more on climaxing than the journey to climax. To be honest, it hurt so badly. She loved this man so deeply and had for so long and for him to make it seem like he was losing interest in her body and her in general hurt. She tried to convince herself she was just being a chronic over-thinker and that none of it was true. It worked. Almost.

The scowl on her face deepened as he turned his back on her, not even sparing her a quick smile or kiss, and pulled his phone off the bedside table. He stayed like that for a few minutes, on his side, busy with his phone that was on charge.

"San?" She murmured. She was curious but also annoyed, especially when he merely hummed in response to her calling his name.

She cleared her throat, "I was thinking that maybe we could-" He still wasn't paying attention to her, eyes glued to his phone screen.

"San!" She said louder this time, putting her hand on his shoulder.

He looked at her over his shoulder distractedly, mind seemingly elsewhere, "What?"

She felt a little hurt by the look of what almost looked like disinterest and impatience on his handsome face. A stark contrast to the sunshine-esque grins that usually took that place on his features.

"I was trying to ask you something," She paused and eyed his phone screen with a frown, "What are you even doing?"

He sat up against the headboard, taking his phone off charge as he did so, "Well, as of next Friday, Y/n and I have been best friends for twenty years and I want to get her something to celebrate. Any ideas?" He asked with a proud grin.

She gave him an incredulous look, "You're worried about her when…" She sighed dejectedly, "Do you even know what day it is?"

"Uh…Saturday? Am I forgetting something?" He responded in confusion with that little head tilt she'd once found so endearing.

Pain shot through her heart, quick and sharp; they had been together for so long that you'd think he'd remember the important things. She gave him a heartbroken look of disbelief, "It's our third anniversary."

His face fell and he instantly reached for her face, cupping it in his hand, "Oh, fuck, baby, I'm so sorry. I don't know how I could forget."

"But you managed to remember the exact day you met her in kindergarten?" She let herself lean into his touch for a moment before pulling her face away. His heart ached at the way she moved out of his hold, sitting up and tugging the sheets over her naked body.

"I... It's hard to forget, Ji. She'd just moved to Namhae and joined us in our class exactly a week before Chuseok and-"

Yunji scoffed, tears collecting in her lashline- she wasn't even sure if they were the result of anger or sadness anymore, "Do you even remember how we met?"

"Yes, of course," He reached for her hand with a warm smile, "We met at Seonghwa's graduation party. Jongho invited you."

A deeply sad look settled in her eyes at his words, "San… We met at the Starbucks near the library at SNU. Jongho's girlfriend set us up on a blind date."

His smile fell from his face, "Oh, yes of course. I'm sorry, I was mixing it up with-"

Yunji pulled her hand out of his, her gaze hardening, "Your ex. That's how you met your ex."

San panicked, "I'm sorry! Sometimes I don't have the best memory."

She shook her head with a humourless laugh, "But you can remember things like when she cried after her first kiss because she thought the guy was ugly? Or that her favourite stuffed animal's name is Terry? Or the time Mingi tricked her into drinking some crazy mixture he'd thought up and she puked on his new shoes? Or the time she fell down Yunho's stairs at his housewarming party and needed stitches? Need I go on?"

San frowned, "Those things happened before you and I met, how do you know about all of that?"

She finally snapped, "Because you never stop fucking talking about her!"

He was taken aback by her outburst, "She's my best friend…What are you insinuating?"

"That you're in love with her, San!"

San's stomach flipped uncomfortably, "What makes you think that? I'm literally in bed with you."

"That means nothing right now."

"What?"

"San, I've witnessed first-hand how you drop anything and everything for her. I've seen how upset you get every time she starts seeing someone new. You act like she hung the stars in the sky just for you. She outshines everyone else in your eyes. I know it. I've seen how you look at her." Her voice cracked on the last sentence and she paused, wiping at the tears trekking down her flushed cheeks before continuing, "You love her."

"As a friend! I love you. You know that, baby!" He pleaded and tried reaching for her again, wanting to hold her, to make this okay but also mostly to drown out the thoughts he'd always pushed back that were suddenly louder than anything else in his head.

"Yeah? You've not once looked at me that way. Never, San! You barely even touch me anymore. Do you have any fucking clue how much that hurts?"

He paused, her words finally sinking in. She watched the wheels in his head turn and her heart dropped into her stomach at the flicker of realisation she saw in his eyes. She had hit the nail on the head.

"I… I love you," He murmured, his chest tight, but even he could hear the uncertainty in his voice.

She shook her head sadly and got up, pulling the sheets off of him and wrapping herself in them as she walked towards their shared closet.

For once, considering their conversation and the way she didn't even seem comfortable enough around him to let him see her naked suddenly, the normally confident San felt ashamed when he was left naked on the bed and rushed to grab his boxers off the floor and yank them on.

He left the bed after her and made his way over to where she was struggling to pull a duffel bag off the top shelf with one hand, her other still clutching the sheets to her body. He wanted to help her but he had a horrible feeling about where this was going.

"What are you doing?" He sounded panicked and it almost made her feel guilty. She avoided looking at him, knowing that his sad puppy eyes would hurt more than anything.

She managed to finally yank the bag free and let it fall to the ground at her feet as she reached for his clothes.

His eyes widened, "Baby, what-"

Her head snapped in his direction, "Don't call me that!" She hissed.

San's mouth clamped shut and he flinched at the tone of her voice and once again she nearly felt guilty.

She forced herself to ignore the look on his face and started haphazardly shoving his clothes into the bag. All he could do was stand and stare stupidly as she filled it before she roughly zipped it up and threw it at him. It landed heavily at his feet and his stomach dropped to the floor along with it.

"I… I don't understand," He muttered softly but he did. Her intentions were clear as day.

"Get out." She spat, jaw tense and gaze determined. She didn't even bother wiping her face anymore and San's heart ached at the sight of her glistening cheeks. She didn't deserve this. She was good, kind and loving. She was devoted and the more San thought about it, he realised he hadn't been. He hadn't been the person she deserves.

The longer they stood and stared at each other, the worse San felt. Tears bubbled up inside of him. He felt horrible. He might not be crazy in love with her but he cared about her deeply after three years and the fact that he'd repaid her three years of love with this? That hurt.

"I'm so sorry, Yunji, you don't-"

"Shut up and get out!" angry tears shone in her eyes.

She was quite a sight. Jaw tense, gaze hard, cheeks tear-stained, hair sex-ruffled and a sheet clutched firmly to her body. A lover scorned.

"It's late. Where am I supposed to go?" He tried to reason with her as he pulled on his previously discarded shirt.

"I don't care. The streets. That bitch's arms. Your dumb friends. Just get the fuck out!"

"But-"

"Out, San! I don't want to see or hear from you again. You can send one of your stupid friends to come get your shit."

San gazed at her a moment longer, wanting to apologise once more for the absolute fuck up he had made but she was livid and he knew speaking would only further anger her. So, he sucked it up, gave her one final look, grabbed his things and left the apartment.

***

The cold autumn weather was especially cold to San who stood on the sidewalk in nothing but boxers and a t-shirt. It was humiliating but somehow he felt he deserved it.

It was completely dark apart from the glow of a streetlamp further down the sidewalk and San had never been more grateful than when Wooyoung picked up on the first ring and even more so when he and Yeosang picked him up and let him crash at their place.

They listened to him and held him as he cried. He hadn't even been sure about why he was crying by that point. Was it because of the fact that he had broken his girlfriend's heart, a person he considered a close friend at the minimum? Was he crying because he was now losing that close friend and the life they had together? Or was crying because of how hard her words had hit him? How true they were? Was he sobbing because he had only just realised that he was madly in love with his best friend? San felt like and probably was the biggest idiot on the face of planet Earth.

He had felt too emotionally conflicted and confused to even tell his best friend about what had even happened. He didn't want her asking questions. Questions needed answers and even if San could provide those he wasn't sure that she would like them. He didn't need to lose another person he cared about- especially not her. Never her.

She had been highly concerned for that week and a half after the breakup she wasn't even aware of. He hadn't responded to any of her usual texts apart from a quick "Happy 20th anniversary, brat." Nor had he answered any of her calls.

After him being off grid for that long, when he had finally contacted her she had been relieved- only for that relief to once more be replaced by concern when he told her about his break up with Yunji. She had panicked at the news, assuming San was heartbroken and she wanted to be there with him. He had tried to assure her that he was alright but she insisted they meet up, even if it was just to hang out and not talk about her. She said she had missed him and just wanted to see him. He hated the way his heart fluttered when she told him that.

Eventually, he relented and told her to meet him at the beach. He loved the beach. Being from Namhae and growing up relatively close to the ocean, the beach had always been a place San loved. He would go there to clear his head and just breathe the salty air and listen to the sound of the birds. He most liked it at night though, when all he could hear was the rhythmic crash of waves against the shore and could look out at the stars littering the sky. It was his safe haven of sorts and so he chose that time and place for her to meet him.

She hadn't thought the request was strange. She was accustomed to spending nights at the beach with him and it brought her comfort just as much as it brought him. He brought her comfort. It had become a ritual for them to meet there when either of them were feeling out of sorts.

"Hey~" San heard a voice call out and he perked up; he would know that voice anywhere.

He looked up with a grin as his best friend sauntered up to him from up the beach and plopped down next to him on the blanket he had spread out on the sand.

"Hey," He echoed, switching his beer to his other hand so that he could pull her in for a quick side hug.

She smiled, ruffled his hair and then set her bag down in front of her, pulling out a few more beers and a few bags of chips. San snatched one up instantly, "Hah! My favourite."

She rolled her eyes affectionately at him but her face turned serious soon after and she gave him a searching look. He frowned, a cheese puff halfway to his mouth, "What?"

"How are you holding up?" She asked and he sighed, popping the chip in his mouth and chewing thoughtfully. He washed it down with a swig of beer before speaking again.

"Fine, I guess." He looked into the flickering flames of the fire before him instead of at her. He didn't like the look of pity settling in her eyes. He didn't deserve pity; he'd brought this upon himself.

She placed a hand on his knee, "Are you sure, Sannie? You guys were together for a long time."

He swallowed thickly. To be honest, now that he was away from her and could see the situation from a different perspective, he didn't know how to feel. He had thought he had loved his ex too. They had been together for three years and you'd think that in that space of time he would definitely be in love at some point or another but San wasn't sure anymore.

In light of recent revelations, he thought, perhaps their relationship had been a mistake after all. He had gotten with her around two months after his best friend had gotten with her now ex-boyfriend. If you had said to him at that time that he was doing it out of jealousy he would have laughed, said you were being ridiculous and that he really liked Yunji that's all, but now he wasn't sure about that anymore. Perhaps he really had been jealous and lonely. No, he had been lonely and jealous. Lonely without her and jealous that she would brush him off so often to hang out with a man who had suddenly replaced San as the centre of all her affection. He had hated seeing her in his arms and at that time had chalked it up to being a protective best friend.

Even if he had had passing thoughts about what his feelings had been back then and wanted to break up with his girlfriend after his best friend was single again, he was in deep with his girlfriend and couldn't bring himself to hurt her that way. She had thrown the big 'L word' at him three months in and he felt obligated to return that affection. Even though he couldn't quite bring himself to say those words back to her yet, guilty knowing that he wouldn't mean them the same way, he still pushed on, convincing himself that eventually, those words would fall effortlessly from his tongue and that he could love her back.

And, to some extent, San supposed he did love her back eventually. Enough to move in with her, meet her family and sit by while she fantasised about a future with him he couldn't quite see himself in. Enough to adopt a cat together. A cat he wasn't sure he'd be able to keep now. He scoffed, of all things to truly worry about right now Byeol should be last.

In the present, his best friend frowned at the way he scoffed suddenly and the humourless laugh that came from him, "What?"

He laughed again with a little shake of his head, "Just thinking about whether I get to keep Byeol."

She sighed at the mention of the Siamese, "I don't know but I hope so. But maybe just give Yunji some time to breathe before you meet up with her to ask."

She looked out at the dark ocean and popped open a can of beer and took a sip. He polished off his first beer, debating on whether or not to open a second one. He decided against it for now, instead grabbing another handful of chips.

"May I ask what happened?" She looked at him again and asked gently.

He sighed.

"You know you can tell me anything, right, Sannie? We've been friends since we were four, I wouldn't judge you for anything," She murmured, rubbing his shoulder.

How many of those years had he been in love with her? he wondered. The more he thought about this, the more he realised Yunji had been one hundred percent correct.

"I know."

He didn't say anything after though, just chewed quietly and stared out at the ocean.

Her frown deepened in concern. He was clearly upset but she was struggling to get a read on him. That had never happened before. She liked to believe that she knew San like the back of her hand after all these years.

She took another small, contemplative sip of her beer and stared at him, her mind spinning as she tried to understand what he was feeling.

They sat in silence that bordered on uncomfortable, which was new for them, and after a while San suddenly stirred from his thoughts, cracked open another lukewarm beer and downed it.

She stared at him in shock, "San?"

He tried to grasp at any false confidence the alcohol in his system could bring him as he pulled his best friend in and pressed his lips to hers. She froze, her beer falling to the ground and seeping into the sand and her heart jumped. San was kissing her? San was kissing her.

She reached out and grabbed his shirt collar and moved her lips against his on instinct and he sighed against her mouth before cradling the back of her head in his hand and urging her into a deeper kiss, his tongue swiping at her bottom lip and she easily parted her lips for him but then the taste of beer hit her tongue and she remembered that he'd been drinking even before she met up with him.

She shoved him away and looked at him, confused, flustered and…hurt. He had to be drunk to kiss her?

She felt her throat tighten, "You shouldn't have done that."

San's eyes hardened at her words but his heart dropped at the rejection.

"And why the fuck not?"

She was taken aback by the sharp tone of his voice and the confusion of emotions swirling in his eyes.

Tears welled up in her eyes, "Because you're drunk. Because you're drunk and you're lonely and you miss her but I'm not her, San!"

"This isn't about her!"

"Then who is it about?" She was so confused.

"You! It's about you! She broke up with me because of you!" He choked out and she was surprised to see his eyes glisten with unshed tears but his words were like arrows in her heart.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"She called me out on a lot of shit. Mostly about how I can't stop thinking about you! Or talking about you… About how-" He gulped and fear rose up inside of him, he was losing his best friend wasn't he?

"About how I'm probably in love with you," He whispered.

Really shitty wording but he didn't want to scare her off completely. His words, however, had the opposite effect than he intended.

Her gaze steeled and her jaw tensed, "Probably? You're willing to fuck around with me on the off chance that you might be in love with me?"

This wasn't going to plan. Had there ever been a plan? He couldn't even remember anymore.

"I…Maybe? I don't know, okay!"

"You don't know?" A tear rolled down her cheek and she reached up to wipe it away aggressively.

"I mean that I-"

She shook her head and stood up, "San, I came here to comfort someone that means the world to me. Someone I'd do anything for, not to have that thrown in my face and get messed around with because you're confused about whatever you're going through."

He stood up too and reached for her, "That's not what I meant, I meant that-"

She cut him off with another sad shake of her head and took a step away from him, dodging his arms, just as Yunji had done. The action broke his heart and his arms fell back dejectedly to his sides.

He wasn't even angry anymore, he was wrecked. Heartbroken.

"Please, don't leave me too, " He pleaded so desperately and quietly she could almost not hear him over the crash of the waves meeting the shore.

Her heart shattered at the sight of his face cracking and tears falling from his eyes. Tears trailed helplessly down her cheeks in response.

"I'm sorry." She turned to leave.

San grabbed her wrist, "Please. Please, don't do this. I need you!" He sobbed and she pulled her hand free and turned away from him before she could crumble and pull him into her arms.

"Don't talk to me or come to see me until you've figured out what you want." She tried to keep her voice steady through her tears, fighting not to look back as she left him swiftly, disappearing into the darkness as she made her way back to her car.

San slumped onto the sand in defeat and a sob tore through him. He had fucked up big time.

***

San had tried contacting her but his messages stopped going through and he realised with an aching heart that she'd blocked him. And on every platform. Their mutual friend, Mingi, had taken her side and wouldn't even speak to San anymore let alone let him know how she was. He was livid with San.

"Did you not bother to stop and think about how she feels about you?!" Mingi had yelled at him when San had called him the first time.

"How she feels about me?" San had parroted back dumbly and Mingi had let a sound out that sounded more like a growl than an exasperated sigh.

"You're an inconsiderate, selfish prick, Choi San." Had been the last thing he heard from Mingi before he, too, blocked him on every social media platform.

The only remotely close connection that San had left to her was through Mingi's boyfriend who happened to be another one of San's close friends. Despite Mingi refusing to speak to San, his boyfriend had chosen to stay neutral on the affair and still talk to and hang out with him but he too still refused to let San know anything, firm in his conviction to not get involved.

***

"San, you can't keep going on like this," Yeosang had said from across the dinner table one night, watching San poke listlessly at the kimchi-jjigae that Wooyoung had served for dinner. He had no appetite these days.

" 'Going on'?" Wooyoung had piped up from his seat next to Yeosang," He's barely going to work, 'going on' is not a term I'd use."

Yeosang kicked Wooyoung under the table before turning back to San, "San-ah, I know that you're heartbroken and struggling but I hate to remind you that in the bigger picture, you're the one that messed up, not her."

San looked up from his food and over at Yeosang.

"He's right," Wooyoung agreed, looking over at San, "You need to either fix this or work on moving on."

"I'm aware," San replied, trying not to snap at his friends. He was staying with them indefinitely and free of charge; he had no right to get upset with them.

Wooyoung sighed deeply, putting his spoon down on the table with a little clink, "San, at least get out of the house a little."

"But I-"

"Work doesn't count." Yeosang interrupted him and San looked down at his food with a slight pout.

"I know you probably don't feel like dealing with large crowds of people but Yunho is throwing a party this weekend. You should come, it might be good for you to have some fun."

San considered Wooyoung's offer. He did need to get out of the house, that much was true, and losing himself in music and alcohol for a while, although not super healthy, was pretty tempting.

"I'll think about it," San responded, standing up and taking his dishes to the kitchen. He wasn't hungry anymore.

Wooyoung and Yeosang watched him go and shared a meaningful look. Wooyoung tilted his head and Yeosang shrugged. They had a slight plan slash intervention in mind but had no idea whether it would work or not and the possibility of San rejecting their offer didn't help.

***

Much to Wooyoung and Yeosang's relief, San did eventually end up accepting their offer.

San had been swayed by them surprisingly agreeing without much fuss to take him home if he were to feel even the slightest overwhelmed by the crowd. With that information in mind, he had cleaned himself up nicely, dressed well and hopped in their car when the time finally arrived.

San was feeling pretty good about this, having amped himself up for the little break this would provide him from his mess of a life but that good feeling faded away when Yunho greeted them at the door. He noticed that the tall man was wearing one of Mingi's favourite large band t-shirts, styled to fit his look. San internally cursed at himself; how could he forget a detail as simple as the fact that wherever Yunho was, Mingi was too? And with his luck, wherever Mingi was, San's best friend (Was she even that still?) was too.

Yunho however greeted them with a smile, even offering San a "Nice to see you, San-ah."

When Yunho let them in, San sighed in relief when he didn't see Mingi anywhere. He didn't need that argument or cold shoulder raining on his parade tonight. San instantly made his way through the home to the makeshift bar on the kitchen island and was surprised to see his friend Hongjoong there. The elder gave him a smile and San returned it easily,

"Hyung! I didn't know you were back already!"

Hongjoong had been travelling in the US, doing a tour to promote his new mixtape. San had always thought it was so cool to be able to say he had a celebrity as a friend.

"Yeah, landed here last week," Hongjoong replied, offering San a beer.

San took it from him with a thankful smile, "How did it go?"

Hongjoong grinned, "Pretty good. Sold out two venues. They weren't massive but it still felt good to hit that milestone."

"Wow, that's amazing, hyung!"

"Thank you," Hongjoong took a sip of his drink, "And how have you been?"

"I've…" San scratched the back of his neck and averted his gaze for a second, "I've been alright I suppose. Won another Taekwondo competition last month. I'm going to nationals."

"Oh, really? That's amazing! Does your dad still run that training centre?" Hongjoong asked, leaning against the kitchen counter.

San nodded, opened his beer and took a sip, "Yup. He's been trying to talk me into taking over when he retires but I'm not really sure. For now, I just coach kids occasionally."

"That's still pretty awesome. And how's your bestie? Doing good as well?"

San's heart dropped at the mention of her and it must've shown on his face because Hongjoong frowned.

Before Hongjoong could inquire further they were interrupted by a familiar pink-haired man, "Hongjoong-ah, I need you to come help me with Jongho. The kid has started challenging guests to arm wrestling matches and Yunho had to hide all the fruit already."

"How is he that drunk already?" Hongjoong laughed.

Seonghwa shrugged, "No clue. I think Mingi tipped another bottle of vodka into the fruit punch."

Hongjoong let loose an exasperated sigh before bidding San farewell with a promise to catch up later and following Seonghwa off to wherever the youngest member of their friend group was wreaking havoc.

San watched them go before staring down at his beer, listening to the chatter of people and pounding of music from further into the house and sighed. This wasn't going to plan. He put his unfinished beer down on the counter top- the taste was starting to remind him of that night. He wandered into the pandemonium of the party again to search for either Wooyoung or Yeosang to let them know he'd just get an Uber home but he froze in his tracks when he entered the living room.

There, on a couch in the corner, sat his best friend with some guy's arm wrapped around her. She was laughing at something he said and jealousy began to simmer up inside of him as he watched them. He was stuck on just turning around and walking out and never coming back or-

The man placed his hand on her thigh, fingers pushing up slightly beneath her skirt.

San lost it.

She said to never come to her again unless he knew what he wanted but it was clear now more than ever that he wanted her and her only.

He pushed past people, on a steadfast path to her, filled with both jealousy and determination.

Her eyes widened when she saw him, "San?"

He glanced at her briefly before staring down at the man gripping her thigh, "Do you mind taking your hands off her?" It might have been posed as one but it was definitely not a question. It was a demand.

"Excuse me?" The guy glared up at San, raising an eyebrow.

"You heard me," San growled.

"San, what are you doing?" She hissed and the man looked like wanted to challenge San but he noticed the strange tension between the girl and San and must have decided it wasn't worth it.

"Fine, whatever, man." He pushed past San with a scowl. San watched him leave with a glare before turning to his best friend.

"Why would you let him touch you like that?"

She glared up at him, a challenge in her gaze, "I can let him touch me however I want, San. I can be touched by and fucked by whoever I want. I don't need anyone's permission, especially not yours."

San's heart hurt a little at that last comment but his brain latched onto the words "fucked by whoever I want." He did not like that imagery at all. Did not like the idea of another man touching her or her screaming anyone's name but his own.

"No."

She stood up and stepped closer to him, poking a finger to his chest, "You don't own me. Not when you don't even know what you want."

He grabbed her hand from his chest and held it, "You. I want you."

"No, you don't." She tried to pull her hand back but he held it firmly,

"Yes, I do. I just have a piss poor way of showing it apparently."

She looked annoyed but stayed quiet, giving him the mercy of at least hearing him out.

"Yunji broke up with me because I'm completely in love with you," He blurted; it was now or never.

Her eyes widened.

He fixed her with what he hoped was a sincere gaze, "Somehow I myself never realised it and once I did and all those feelings came forth…I was confused and scared and didn't know what to do."

Her gaze softened at his honest words, "Sannie…"

"I'm sorry that I did that, that I hurt you."

She shook her head and intertwined her fingers with his, "It's okay."

He shook his head, "No, it's not."

She reached a hand up to cup his cheek, a sparkle in her eyes, "Then make it up to me."

His heart jumped and he instantly held her by the waist and leaned in to kiss her, his lips gentler than that last, rushed, drunken kiss. She was quick to reciprocate, wrapping her arms around his neck and tilting her head to deepen the kiss.

She pulled away for a second, "You know…It's kinda hot when you get jealous like that."

"Really?" He caught something in the corner of his eye and his gaze darkened a little, "Well, you're in luck. It's gonna happen again because that asshole is still looking at you."

"Oh, really?" She leaned in and put her lips to his ear, "You think he's still thinking about touching me?"

His grip on her waist tightened and she smirked slightly, "Do you think he was planning on taking me home?"

San's hands moved up to hold her around the ribs, his mouth finding her neck and biting lightly, not even concerned about the fact that they were in public and there was someone watching them. Let them look.

"Do you think he was planning on bending me over and fucking me senseless?" She continued to tease and finally, San snapped, pulling away from her and grabbing her wrist. He tugged her through the crowd and up the stairs near the entryway- those same stairs she'd once fallen down- mind set on that guestroom he knew Yunho had upstairs.

She was more than happy to follow him.

She laughed lightly when he pinned her against the door the second it was closed behind them, "Yunho is going to kill us."

"Don't care." San retorted, burying his face in her neck.

She giggled at his response but her giggles became a gasp as San started pressing kisses to her neck. A hand shot up, fingers weaving through his dark hair as he sucked lightly at the skin.

"Sannie,"

San had never heard her say his name like that before. Never heard her say his name like she needed him, never heard her say his name so breathlessly, never in that tone. His name had never sounded better than it did right now.

He bit her neck lightly, "Say my name again,"

She wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him close against her, "Sannie."

San groaned and brought his mouth back to hers in a hot kiss. It was messy; he kissed her like he was trying to devour her, tongue licking into her mouth and teeth nibbling at her lips, but she didn't mind.

His hands gripped her hips, pulling them against his and she gasped as their bodies made contact; he was so hard.

She wrapped a leg around one of his and a hand reached for his ass, grinding him into her. She was suddenly aware of the dampness in her panties and it only grew as San made a little noise and grinded up against her again. Her hand left his ass, sliding up under his shirt to hold him by the small of his back instead. She met his small thrusts with her own, thankful for the friction and the slight relief it brought to the growing tension in her belly.

She leaned her head back against the door as San's mouth found her neck again. She let loose a breathless chuckle, "God, we're behaving like teenagers."

San sucked a mark into her skin, "Would you rather I fuck you right against this door?"

A jolt of electricity passed through her, "Yes, actually."

He'd been partially joking. He had been planning to at least try and get her to the bed but now… Now he wanted more than anything to just be inside of her already. To hear her moan his name.

His dick throbbed at the imagery.

"Fuck, okay."

He took a step back from her and admired her for a brief moment. The top she was wearing that had ridden up over her tummy a little and that skirt. God, he loved that skirt.

"I wish I had more time," He lamented.

She reached impatiently for his belt buckle, "We have all the time in the world. Later. Right now I'd rather have you inside of me as soon as possible."

He helped her undo his belt and pants and she bit her lip, heat pooling in her belly as she finally laid eyes on his hard length.

He reached forward, hands sliding up her thighs and her skirt until his fingers hooked the waistband of her panties.

"Can I?" He questioned, tugging slightly on the fabric. She nodded fervently and he slowly started sliding them down.

She wiggled her hips impatiently, "Choi San, I swear to god. Stop teasing me."

He gave her a devilish grin, "But it's so fun."

"What'll be so fun is me leaving you with blue balls," She said sweetly.

"Fine, jesus." He tugged her panties down and lifted her skirt, "Here, hold this."

"Bossy." She quipped but she did as she was asked and was rewarded by San finally touching her. He ran his fingers over her and groaned, "You're so wet."

"Less talking, more touching."

He raised an eyebrow, "And I'm the bossy one?"

"San, please could you just-"

He kissed her to get her to shut up. He put more pressure on his fingers and dragged them up through her folds, searching until-

She gasped against his lips.

There.

He circled his fingers over that sensitive spot and she whined and pressed herself down against his hand. She pushed her fingers into his hair and tilted her head, kissing him deeper. He slid a finger into her and she whined into his mouth as he started moving it, pressing another one in alongside it after a while. He curled his fingers and she let out a choked sound as he started pushing against her g-spot with every thrust of his fingers. How was he this good at this? Fuck.

His mouth left hers, pressing warm kisses into her jaw, the underside of her jaw, her neck– anywhere he could reach- and all she could do was cling to him, her knees weakening as each thrust of his fingers drove her closer to climax.

"Sannie, please."

She wasn't even sure what she was begging for but San doubled his efforts at her plea and soon enough she was meeting his thrusts with little moans.

"San, I'm-"

He brought his mouth up to the shell of her ear, "Come on, be a good girl and cum for me."

Never in a million years would she have thought she'd finally hear those words, the ones she'd only ever heard in her fantasies, fall from his mouth. She fell over the edge with a cry of his name.

San worked her through her orgasm, holding her up as her body quivered and he kissed her neck as she slowly came down from her high.

Her eyes fluttered open and seeing the look on San's face, the desire in his eyes, had that fire in her reigniting almost instantly.

"Sannie,"

His breath caught in his throat as she reached for him. She wrapped her fingers around his dick with no hesitation and swiped her thumb over the sensitive tip- smearing the precum collecting there over the skin.

"I need you inside me, please," She breathed and he cursed under his breath, replacing her hand with his own and giving himself a few self indulgent strokes. He gripped her hips and urged her up, letting her wrap her legs around his waist. He held her with one strong arm, guiding himself to her entrance with the other hand before using both arms to hold her up and against the door. They both let out shaky sighs of relief once he was finally fully seated inside of her.

She grinded herself down on his dick and he whined, gripping her hips tightly.

"Move, Sannie, please."

He didn't need further instruction.

He started slowly, giving her time to adjust but it wasn't long before she was circling her hips impatiently.

"I'm ready, please just fuck me already," She whined and San smiled briefly to himself. Her bratty behaviour just reminded him that this was his best friend, a person he'd loved for so long and probably will love for even longer.

He obliged, picking up the pace and she wrapped her arms tightly around him, unable to stop pleased sounds from leaving her mouth. This was even better than she could ever have fantasised.

"You feel even better than I imagined," She moaned.

"You've imagined me fucking you?"

"All the time."

"Oh, fuck," San groaned and suddenly he was pounding into her, holding her steady and burying his face in her neck.

The sounds they were making were obscene, downright filthy, but neither of them could bring themselves to care, too focused on the overwhelming pleasure they were experiencing.

"I'm so close," San whined into her neck and she tugged at his hair,

"Me too,"

"Where do you want me?" San asked, his voice strained.

"Inside."

One word and San was cumming harder than he had in a long time, filling her up so nicely that she fell over the edge, screaming his name, soon after him.

San helplessly thrusted into her a few more times, the feeling over her clenching down on him so deliciously driving him crazy but even he was shaky after that orgasm.

He stopped his movements after the last quiver made its way through her body and she slumped in his arms. He pressed a breathless kiss to her temple and carefully pulled out and she was too fuzzy to even wince at the feeling of their mess between her legs.

"I'm gonna let you down, okay?"

She gave a half-hearted whine of complaint as he did so. She was still shaky so he held her against him the minute her knees wobbled when her feet hit the floor.

"I've got you," He murmured, pressing another kiss to her hair as she clung to him.

After a little life crept back into her boneless body she was finally aware of the slick mess between her legs.

"San,"

He nodded, somehow knowing exactly what she wanted. He chalked it up to twenty years of friendship.

He leaned her against the wall, "I'll be back now."

She hummed and leaned back against the wall. She watched him pull his pants up haphazardly and leave the room. She could almost not believe what had just happened. Somebody pinch her.

San returned after a while, tissues in hand.

"Did anyone see? I've just realised we were kind of loud."

"Just Jongho asleep in the tub," San said matter of factly, as if it was normal, as he started carefully wiping her thighs.

"Jongho is asleep in the tub?" She repeated back, fixing his hair as he worked on wiping them both down as best he could.

"Yeah. Mingi double spiked the punch earlier- poor kid got drunk out of his mind."

She snorted, pulling up her panties once he was done with her and straightened her clothes, "Sounds about right."

San hummed in response as he made quick work of cleaning himself up too. She pressed a kiss to his temple as she helped him buckle up again.

"Thank you, by the way," She murmured and he gave her a soft look, brushing her hair from her face, "For?"

"Well, for this firstly," She cupped his face, "But also for coming to your senses I guess."

He kissed her gently, "I'm sorry it took so long."

She shook her head and pulled him close, "It's alright. I'm just glad it happened. Being secretly in love with your best friend for years is torture and I'm just happy it's over now."

He pulled her in for a hug and she buried her face in his neck. He cupped the back of her head and leaned his head against hers, "You're mine now, right? You're not leaving?"

She nodded and pressed a soft kiss to his neck, "Yours."

He grinned and pulled her face from his neck and gave her another kiss. And another. And another, until she was giggling and melting in his arms.

He gave her one last kiss, "We should go before someone realises we're missing."

***

They re-entered the living room and the first person they saw just so happened to be the man from earlier. His eyes snapped to them and San wrapped his arm around her waist when he noticed. He didn't need to worry for long; the man eyed the way he was holding her, then saw the hickies on her neck. He scowled before shoving straight past them and San laughed as he heard the front door slam.

"Sore loser."

That man wasn't the only who noticed them though. Mingi seemed to have some sort of sixth sense because his eyes found them easily, almost as soon as they entered the room. His eyes clocked San's possessive hold of her and then the marks on her neck and his gaze darkened. San's eyes widened as he saw the six foot man suddenly move in their direction.

Yunho, who had been standing next to Mingi, looked up from where he was frowning and staring into the cup of mystery liquid Mingi had handed him a minute ago when he felt the man leave his side. Yunho's eyes widened just as San's had when he saw Mingi striding in their direction. He lurched forward to grab Mingi's arm, his drink sloshing out over his other hand at the movement. He grimaced.

"Min, what are you doing?" He held Mingi's arm firmly and Mingi pointed to San and Y/n.

"Look!"

Yunho glanced over to where he was pointing, to San and Y/n, suddenly seeming right as rain. He frowned.

Despite the intimidating look on Mingi's face, San approached him, Y/n in tow.

"Hey, Mingi," San greeted with what he hoped came off as a reassuring smile. Reassuring him that everything was okay.

Mingi ignored him, looking over at the woman beside him instead, his gaze softening into concern, "Are you alright?"

She smiled and nodded, wrapping an arm around San's waist. Mingi's eyes followed the movement. He wasn't glaring anymore, just curious and wanting answers now that he saw she was fine.

"I'm good, Min. We're both good." She assured him.

Yunho stepped forward, throwing an arm around Mingi's broad shoulders and gave them a smile, "Did you guys make up?"

"I'd say they did more than make up," Mingi grumbled and Yunho chuckled and ruffled his hair affectionately.

Yunho's chuckle suddenly faded and he squinted at their dishevelled appearances before he fixed them with a narrow-eyed glare.

"Did you just fuck in my house?"

San averted his gaze.

"Choi San! Please tell me it wasn't in my room," Yunho whined.

"It was your guest room and it wasn't on the bed," Y/n offered and Yunho groaned.

"As if that makes it any better- I am going to kill the both of you!"

For a second he really did look like he would and Mingi's eyes widened.

He hooked an arm around one of Yunho's. Yunho leaned against him, "Mingi, I think I'm headed toward an early grave."

Mingi rolled his eyes, "Drama queen. And you're not dying until you've tried that drink."

Yunho eyed the cup in his hand wearily, "I'm okay."

"Come on, I thought you loved me."

"Love has nothing to do with this."

San and Y/n watched their banter with amused grins before looking at each other. San nodded his head in the direction of the door. She nodded and grabbed his hand and they made their escape.

"Wait, what about Woo and Yeo, I said I'd-" San realised as she pulled the front door open.

"Fuck 'em. I said we had all the time in the world later. It's later."

That was all encouragement San needed before he was booking it to her car, towing a laughing Y/n behind him.

[vsaintsin]

A trend I've noticed in most online writing communities is that people HATE the editting/revisions stage of writing. Often with a passion, almost? Maybe it's just my hyper-literal brain misunderstanding a bunch of sarcastic jokes but idk?

The first draft is always where I feel least at home with a story. It's messy and too cramped and too open and I wind up with 600 separate docs containing various versions of the story and I'm mostly puzzling them all together but sometimes I can't even be all that sure they're in English because they're such nonsense to my language processor. God Forbid first draft V remembers that settings exist at all or that anything might need to be described in ANY WAY.

I love editting and revisions. That's when I get to watch my stories turn into SOMETHING and not just a garbled string of consciousness desperately trying to cling to themes and context and continuity.

My first draft is just stick-built suggestions of a house, editting and revisions are the walls and the flooring and the furniture and everything that makes the story feel like home. I love that process. It's where I strain all my confidence in my work from, when I finally feel like I'm doing more than yelling into the wind.

Maybe that's the artist in me that dreads starting any kind of illustration but loves the rendering process. Maybe it's the part of me that knows that the life of the work is in the part that AI just can't do - the human hand that adjusts and tinkers and is thoughtful of single lines that maybe nobody will ever notice.

Probably though I'm just a chronic over thinker who likes to be able to find a practical application for something that usually causes me so much trouble.

[greetings-from-the-eraser-king]

Hlvrai kids au

Basic premise the crew go on a field trip to Black Mesa they stumble upon a secret experiment b-u557 and end up releasing him and Black Mesa security desperately tries to stop him

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Eatch kids character description below 👇

Tommy- is the oldest and is in 4th grade and is in a gifted class with darnold he has a huge collection of soda cans and stuffed animals his favorite thing to do is line them up in different patterns. Hes mainly happy and cheerful. him and benrey live together as brothers though there not biologically related he's not quite sure we're ben came from. Gman takes Tommy to black mesa a lot to show him different science experiments going on. Wants a dog so bad his toy dog is doing the job for now.

Gordon- he's in 3erd and is mainly a loner who doesn't fit in a chronic over-thinker he mainly likes to play videogames or read (mainly magazines about video games) he is a smart kid and maybe next year he'll be in the advanced science class. Anxious but loyal and can get easily annoyed. Him and benrey are frenemies both bonding over videogames and other nerdy things but benery is a bit to annoying to be a true friend (benery constantly taunts him by calling him feet man because when he was in kindergarten he stepped in peanut butter and ate it Gordon regrets telling him this) he carries a Gameboy wherever he goes.

Darnold- is one of the smartest kids in the 3erd grade but unfortunately the shortest which leads to constant taunts from forzen though not in the same grade him and Tommy are in the same gifted class and are very good friends. They enjoy making positions out of soda and doing all sorts of strange experiments.more shy and less confident than Tommy he still has a similar joyful attitude. Reads fantasy books and constantly has a new one every week.

Benery- in 3erd lives with Tommy and has no memory of how he got there but meh who cares loves to skate board and do tricks though no one knows how he holds onto it at all times seemingly appears and disappears at will. He wandered a lot and seems to forget things you just told him. You can't tell when he's joking or being serious. His helmet never comes off. Chill jokester who doesn't take a lot of things seriously and likes to hang around Gordon and annoy him. He is not allowed near black mesa.

Forzen- moved from France when he was around 3-4 his dad's in the military and he's a bit spoiled has had to move a lot because of his dad but he's been in the same neighborhood as the gang sense the end of 2ed grade. He's not truly one of the bullies of the school but is annoying to Gordon darnold and Tommy he quickly became friends with benery when he moved and benery taut him how to skate board.

B-u557- a top secret black mesa experiment to be the ultimate life form he was still brewing when the kids broke him out of his tube so he might have some defects mostly annoyed all the time but he is thrilled to be out of his tube and even more thrilled to finally be able to hear a scientist who has been visiting him.

Dr.coomer- a good friend of Tommy's dad but usually not taken very seriously by his coworkers. He is a little unusual and loud but is a very kind soul other scientists complaine that he talks to much. he works in many departments around black mesa but is most offensive seen in the robotics department is the founder of the black mesa boxing ring and has not lost his wife in the divorce yet. He likes to visit the secret experiment B-u557 to see how he's doing he does his rants to the experiment even though he knows he can't hear him. But b-u557 doesn't ever seem to be annoyed so he keeps visiting. Even if everyone else in black mesa tells him to stop.

Credit: blinkees

[urlocalnonbinarybastardwrites]

Okay this is like the third one I've sent in cause I just keep asking stuff because I discover more things you require for your asks and I'm not trying to make your life any harder than it probably is with all these request.

Anyway, I usually hate the "outsiders X YN" propaganda but I was super curious soo

I'm a female. I'm 5'6 with curly brown hair, I'm Caucasian, I have hazel eyes.

I prefer to go unlabeled. I like girls and guys. Doesn't matter to me.

I'm an infp-t, I have OCD, I'm super sarcastic all the time even when. I don't intend to be. People assume I'm mean whenever they meet me but usually that changes over time. My love language(Offering love) is acts of service but I don't care about what type I receive. I speak in a very monotone fashion sometimes which again leads people to believe I may be mean or negative but I'm very extroverted. I'm opinionative and sociable. I'd like to think I'm pretty good at holding a conversation because I love learning about other people's views and taking their comments into consideration. I also try to give people really in-depth and earnest compliments because I don't think anyone gets enough of those. I also love to give gifts and to give advice. I love having really long, genuine conversations. I love literature and writing and collecting poems and quotes. I love exploring new music genres. I'm pretty spontaneous, and spontaneity is something I value a lot in a partner.

I also value humor a lot. I'm an avoidant person but I go out of my way to show or tell people I care when I can. I, again, love writing. I love writing stories, ideas, concepts. It's all fun to me. Im a middle child. I also cook a lot and care a lot for people around me. Im also fairly empathetic sometimes, even when I don't need to be. It's hard for me to ask what I want. I'm also like disgustingly self-aware. Like I mean I just know when my actions are weird or embarrassing. I know the possible outcomes of things before I do them. Idk. I can see myself from a clear outside perspective. Im also really reflective of body language/words/actions and stuff. It's easy for me to pick up and read someone. Chronic over-thinker as well. I also have the teeniest but of social anxiety(but I'm comfortable with speaking on a stage and stuff?? Idk it's complicated.)

My mantra is that you'll never get to do the same thing twice, why not do it now? What will you really lose?

I'm very self-depricating. Woops. Uhh and idk. I don't have any specifics for any partner. I like all sorts of people I'm not picky.

Please lmk what you think 🤗

I’m so sorry first lol for making you repeat so many times. I just prefer to have as much information as possible to give you the most accurate answer and also some people didn’t include their sexualities the first time and then I messed up because I paired them with a person they weren’t interested in and then they I had to redo their entire ask because you know they were like oh I’m gay could you not be shipping me with a girl and I was like well you didn’t put that in your request so I have no idea. So thanks for tolerating that.

Your Outsiders Ship: Sodapop Curtis

(I could see you with Marcia too 😊 but I don’t know enough about her character to do a full analysis)

Explanation: starting off with looks, I think that he would be extremely attracted to you. I think that he personally finds brown eyes and hair to be absolutely stunning and just loves the way that they remind him of the hot cocoa constantly consumes in the morning when Darry has his coffee and Ponyboy has tea. You’re shorter than him, but not too short and I think that he appreciates that because it means that you don’t have to reach up on your tippy toes to kiss him, but you can also just you know he’s you’re still short enough for him to tease you about it a lot which he definitely would. I think you guys kind of have an opposite attract thing going on like I think one of the things that really stood out about you was your sarcastic personality to him and I think he really appreciated it and your brutal honesty was really different from other girls he’d interacted with, and I just think that he would be extremely attracted to that. he had a really hard time using his charm on you. I think he’s one of the few people that sees past the oh you’re probably a mean person type of thing because I feel like he’s is a very big believer in you know second chances you don’t know that person that well they could be going through something type of ideology and I think as the people pleaser he is, he would definitely give you multiple chances and I mean, even if Steve was kind of like dude she seems kind of mean sodapop would instantly be at your side defending you. seriously he has golden retriever energy, and you have black cat energy all the way and I just think you’re dynamic would be pretty cute together. I feel like he would help you out a little bit with your social skills too and help you to be a little bit more friendly to people if you ever had an issue with that he would also always defend you with people didn’t get you the way that you talked or you know things like that. I think you could also balance him out with your opinionated Ness because I feel like a lot of his life. Sodapop is always felt kind of pressure to fit in with everyone else and go with their opinions because I headcanon personally that he’s a chronic people pleaser and really wants to just make people happy and I feel like you’re argumentative personality would definitely clash with that in such an interesting and good way. I just think you guys would fundamentally help each other and, be a good pairing because you would always be working on improving each other and not only through social skills either. Soda pop doesn’t get poetry that much but I feel like he would absolutely support you or if you ever found something that seemed kind of poetic he would definitely give it to you and he would absolutely melt if you gave him an in-depth complement or did something really nice for him because you also mentioned active service was another one of your love languages I think he would just melt. He’s the middle sibling so he’s used to being ignored and whenever you have your full attention on him he just feels like he’s floating. He feels like you’re one of the few people who see beyond the “ hot Curtis sibling” and see him as a person because he is. he’s also incredibly spontaneous so you’re in luck for that aspect of your relationship. I think he is probably one of the most if not the most spontaneous out of the greasers and just I think he’s willing to do random things because I mean, I don’t know. I just think he kind of enjoys the chaos plus he’s a pretty like chaotic a great partner to have I think like not chaotic bad but more chaotic like I enjoy making life interesting type of thing. I also feel like he would love the fact that you write because it reminds him a lot of pony boy and I think he would definitely just love it and stand next to you while you write and ask 1 million questions and end up kind of annoying you, but it would be cute.

Also, also, I feel like you guys would totally bond over being the middle sibling because I mean no one can really no one really gets the experience unless they’ve actually been in the situation of being the middle child and I feel like once he finds out that you’ve been a middle sibling before he can’t wait to talk about all the relatable shit with you and I just yeah, I feel like that would be one of your main bonding subjects that you guys first realize you had something in common. Also, he is also someone who values humor a lot and I feel like you guys would have a super fun time making jokes together and just laughing and enjoying life in general he’s a person that is literally described as not needing alcohol or cigarettes or anything like that to enjoy life, he just takes it by the hands and really knows how to live and I feel like that’s something that you really really need to have a good sense of humor besides being able to laugh at yourself and he absolutely has that. Also good luck with this man in the kitchen because it is just going to end up in a flower fight and you will not get any cooking whatsoever and if you do, it’s gonna be something weird as shit because he snuck food coloring into the dough or something like that. He really loves yourself awareness because he’s often had partners who aren’t so self-aware and are kind of oblivious to what their actions do and don’t know a lot about themselves and why they act certain ways so he really values that in a partner and I feel like that’s something you could fulfill and you could help him be more self-aware too, so he’s definitely glad that’s a trait you have. Also for your anxiety I feel like he can help a lot with that. He’s kind of a more carefree guy. I don’t feel like he has anxiety too bad and he has a pretty good coping system, but I feel like he would be excellent at you know spotting whenever you’re having a panic attack helping you get over a panic attack helping you remember to meditate for 10 minutes daily things like that I feel like he would be a super helpful person to be dating if you have extreme anxiety or if you’re an overthinking person. Anyway this is cute I ship it!! 💚💚

[4dorks-1windmage-1shadow]

Would you be willing to do the most recent headcanon list you reblogged for each of the colors?

I already did Red but I'll do the other four here

Sexuality Headcanon:

Green - Bisexual & Polyamorous (this will be a trend)

Blue - Pansexual & Polyamorous

Vio - Bisexual & Demi-romantic/Polyamorous

Shadow - Pansexual & Polyamorous

Gender Headcanon:

Green - Cis male

Blue - Cis male

Vio - Genderfluid, sometimes trans (again, modern AUs)

Shadow - Genderfluid/nonbinary what is a gender he doesn't care to know

A ship I have with said character:

Green/Vaati i LOVE hero/villain dynamics, they are golden retriever/grumpy drama king to me, their relationship is "me + the bad bitch i pulled by being effortlessly kind/charming/funny/humble/gay" instagram captions.

Blue/Everyone. The secret to Blue is that he actually cares SO MUCH, but if anyone calls him out on it he will die on the spot. This is tragic and inevitable (he is bad at hiding it)

Vidow is my ultimate OTP, they are so fascinating to me i want to put them in a blender set it to high and then watch it go nuts. They are toxic and co dependent and would kill for each other and also kill each other too. 100/10 ship I'm a Vidow apologist and i will die on this hill

Is it cheating to say i ship all of them together? They can be one big polycule as a treat

A BROTP I have with said character:

Green and Shadow. Unstoppable force (Shadow) meets immovable object (Green). They have oldest sibling/youngest sibling energy

Blue and Green is also good, they have a bromance unlike anything the world has ever seen. They are always pushing each other to be better and also doing the dumbest stunts for the vine

Vio and Vaati would be infodump pals. They started talking about magic theory at 10 in the morning over breakfast and are still talking about it at 1 am the next day

A NOTP I have with said character:

Literally the only character i can think of is Tingle.

A random headcanon:

Green - my most consistent hc across all AUs/canon is that he has head to toe freckles.

Blue - given a modern AU, Blue joins theater as a way to deal with his anger issues. Not only does it work, but he ends up with a passion for the performing arts as a result

Vio - he has crippling anxiety and is a chronic over thinker. He needs Xanax and a nap.

Shadow - given a modern AU, Shadow is the lead guitar/singer/screamer in a rock band (Sleeping With Sirens, Pierce the Veil, AS IT IS aesthetic/sound), and he can also play almost any instrument that he picks up. He has a huge collection of instruments.

General Opinion over said character:

Green - the funniest thing I've ever seen is people saying that Green wouldn't cheat in a fight RE: my "who would win in a fight" polls and like you're all valid and all OBJECTIVELY wrong, he cheats in the fight against Vio at Death Mountain. He may have morals but he is not lawful good

Blue - I miss him. Where are the blue centric fanfics. Come back from the war please. Someone put this idiot in situations

Vio - perfect amzing beautiful showstopping spectacular always original awful awful man his veins are filled with anxiety instead of blood and i want him dissected by the fandom immediately

Shadow - scrunkly. Shaped. I want to hug him and never let go

[neoncherryblossom]

New Fic Idea I've had rattling in my brain for actual months:

Post Collector, Alador begins reconciling with all his old friends. And it goes mostly okay except for Darius, because he refuses to talk to him. Unlike everyone else, him and Darius' fallout was a lot more personal than 'we stopped talking one day' and he's kinda horrified of even trying to repair that bridge.

So he does the next best thing that comes to mind.

"So here's the plan. I want you to tell me how he's changed since high school, what he likes and how I can make him... open up to me."

"You want me to what?"

(He decides to go to Eberwolf, the only person Darius consistently talks to that didn't go with them to school.

All the shenanigans you think can happen, will happen. And Darius will be very confused on the sidelines as Eber tries to explain to this chronic over thinker that just talking to Darius will probably be enough of a starting point to kickstart a friendship, not whatever this '35 step plan to get Darius to not think I'm a spineless coward!' plan Alador has got going on.)

[arandomao3user]

My fatal flaw is I just think anyone who's nice to me is genuinely being nice until my family goes "You were being flirted with." And then I get sad because I thought they were being kind just to be a good person and not with the intention of getting or receiving anything.

So, anyways I'm a chronic over thinker!

[cryptidtumbleweed]

Been fine for almost a week otherwise but still coughing. Hoping and praying it's not not long covid

Definitely too early to say for sure but I'm unfortunately anxious, a chronic over-thinker and a pessimist so already fearing worst-case scenarios. Trying to stay positive lol

[penig]

a matter of appearances

Many people, meeting Aziraphale for the first time, formed three impressions: that he was English, that he was intelligent, and that he was gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide. Two of these were wrong. Heaven is not in England, whatever certain poets may have thought, and angels are sexless unless they really want to make an effort. But he was intelligent. And it was an intelligence which, while not being particularly higher than human intelligence, is much broader and has the advantage of having thousands of years of practice. - Good Omens, the book, p. 119 in the first American hardcover printing

I changed the title, but this is me working stuff out for my own satisfaction and proceeds directly from the question of power posts, so before I begin, links:

Welcome back. Now, why on earth did I go to the trouble of transcribing that entire paragraph when the only bit that deals directly with appearances is the familiar first sentence regarding nationality, intelligence, and monkeys?

Why, because it is the only direct statement we ever get about Aziraphale's abilities, and the details matter. He masks, successfully, as a queer Englishman, but can't, or at any rate doesn't, hide his intelligence, which is not "higher" than ours (whatever that means!) but is broader and strengthened by use. Aziraphale has a huge mental database to draw on, and we need to remember that. (I'm not sure all the minisode writers remember it, but Gaiman allowed that, so we'll have to deal. Later. I will try to be systematic, but I'm afraid I'm a quantum leap thinker, not a linear one.)

Aziraphale is, as we all know, a chronic and habitual liar, but it is easy to overlook the degree to which he lives his lies continually. Lying to humans about himself isn't even a sin - it's a job requirement. He can't appear as an angel among them if he's to do...whatever the heck it is he's supposed to do, which is one of the many things we're not told about him. He has to behave and present himself in ways that trick them into thinking him a human. On the one hand, he's arguably not very good at it; on the other hand, he's lived in Soho for over 200 years at least (the bookshop in the show opened in 1800; in the book we're told that he had a bookshop as early as 1651 and that his neighbors thought of him as the nice Mr. A. Ziraphale) and they all take him as he comes. Crowley hides his demonic nature behind sunglasses; Aziraphale simply masks all the time. Even most of the times when he's alone with Crowley, whom he trusts! Presumably this is why so many autistic fans claim him as one of their own.

I have always felt that his masks are significant to his role and his identity, because he chose them. He is not a man, but he chooses to present himself in a form he knows will be taken for one; he is not English, but he chooses to present himself as the citizen of a self-glorifying, self-aggrandizing empire with a tiny geographic core that tells itself it's doing the world a favor by conquering it (based on his costuming in the AD 41 scene he did the same thing in Rome!); and he is not a sexual being, but he chooses to present himself as a member of an oppressed sexual minority - more, to present himself as the archetype and stereotype of that minority, to declare himself proudly to be the southern pansy.

Break that down into classes of privilege and oppression, morality and license, hypocrisy and sincerity, self-knowledge and self-delusion, and it gets complicated very quickly indeed. How much of this is convenience, how much accident, how much a deliberate middle finger to both Heavenly and English cultural assumptions, how much a challenge to the virtues of humans, how much a hand reached out to them in solidarity, how conscious are these choices? We can't know. Aziraphale certainly won't tell us, and we'd have to take him with a grain of salt, if he did.

I was uncomfortable during much of Season 2 with what thundercrackfic has perceptively called a tendency to infantilize Aziraphale. For much of it, he doesn't seem intelligent or powerful at all; the other characters protect him or threaten him or boss him around or lead him by the hand through complex questions as if he can't be expected to protect himself or think anything through on his own. Present-day Crowley is actually the worst about this; whereas in Season 1 he was constantly trying to draw Aziraphale into action and keeping him informed (while Aziraphale lied and dithered about the bombshell of information he got out of Agnes Nutter's book), in Season 2 he actively withholds information that he thinks would trouble him. There's some indication that he never told Aziraphale the details of his "trial," he doesn't tell him about the Book of Life threat or Hell's burning interest in finding Gabriel. Shax's sub-legion is actually on the march before he alerts him to it, and Aziraphale is so ill-informed and so deep into his Austenian fantasy at this point that he doesn't take him seriously. Then Crowley is the one to lead the humans to safety, and Maggie and Nina (who have a legit grudge against him at this point; they may not understand what's going on but they know they've had their heads messed with) stay because they want to protect Aziraphale - and Aziraphale lets them. It all seemed deeply out of character and I didn't like it.

Then Nina and Maggie ask him if he can't do something, and he answers: "Of course I can, but he enjoys rescuing me so much."

Aziraphale is deliberately nerfing himself so other people can be the heroes.

I should have twigged to this much earlier. I have over 200K of fanfic which a commenter once told me should be titled "Everybody underestimates Aziraphale." It was a central premise of my take on the character that he could do action hero stuff, that Heaven wanted him to do action hero stuff, and he absolutely hated doing action hero stuff and went out of his way to get around doing it. I assumed that part of this was personal inclination, part was PTSD from combat in the War (in which I take it for granted he distinguished himself, because otherwise how did he land his Guardian of the Eastern Gate position - the military doesn't make just anybody an SP), and part was his way of doing his job.

We are never, of course, told exactly what his job is. He's supposed to "thwart" Crowley and is apparently known for his ability to do that, but what exactly does that mean? He remarks in Season 1 that he tries to encourage people to kindness, but he doesn't elaborate or even seem to complete the thought. Crowley is supposed to tempt people to sin in order to harvest souls for Satan; Aziraphale presumably is supposed to encourage people to virtue in order to harvest their souls for Heaven (though I doubt he ever allows himself to think of it as "harvesting;" "saving" maybe).

But as anybody who's ever had a job knows, there's your job description, and then there's what you actually do all day - the things you want to accomplish in the context of the work environment and your ways of doing those things. His internalized purpose, judging from his very first recorded act, would seem to be to help the humans help themselves. He is not allowed to go with Adam and Eve to defend them from the vicious animals and the cold - so he gives them his flaming sword, along with all the unintended consequences of War. He can't use "frivolous" miracles to escape the guillotine, but he can attempt to talk the guards and executioners into freeing him and maybe not cutting off any more heads. He is allowed to model kindness, and to convince everyone around him of how nice he is; and he can get away with appearing weaker and more foolish than he is in order to encourage them to build up their moral muscle and confidence in their ability to help each other. If he'd told Maggie when she got up in the morning that she had it in her to go toe-to-toe with a mob of demons, armed only with fire extinguishers, she would have been incredulous, but before the night was over that was exactly what she did, and pretty successfully, too.

This all fits in nicely with my previously-developed headcanons, and so I like it; but when he said Crowley enjoyed rescuing him, suddenly a part of that headcanon flipped. Because he's not only putting on the silly little queen act for the humans - he's putting on the silly little angel act for Crowley. It's part and parcel of the Arrangement, and older than the Arrangement.

When put in context with the Job episode (the only minisode I enjoyed, for the record, and therefore the one I am most willing to draw on when parsing the text), what I'm seeing here is an Aziraphale who decided back then that he deserved to Fall and Crowley deserved to Rise, because even as a demon, even confronted with children who annoyed him, Crowley displayed a busy, active moral sense on which he was willing to act, while Aziraphale was acutely aware of his own doubts and indecision and tacit complicity in atrocity, and no doubt magnified his own shortcomings to himself (as you do). So he has been giving Crowley the same opportunities to do good to an angel and build the habits of protection and kindness and making moral-based arguments Hell would not like him making. Fitting him, like the humans, to get into Heaven? That's certainly possible. Certainly he is giving him opportunities for the acts of service we all know is Crowley's love language.

But that personal love complicates the matter a lot.

Anybody who doesn't think Aziraphale knows Crowley loves him, or at any time was in ignorance of it, is overlooking the key fact that Aziraphale can feel love. He explicitly refers to this in both the book and Season 1. The fact that they don't talk about the particular love that lies between Crowley and him doesn't change that. Crowley even tells Maggie and Nina, straight out, that Aziraphale knows, when they give him The Talk. But they'd be having an easier time in Season 2 if this sense enabled him to process that love. It's not like the human love he's been encountering during his sojourn on Earth, it's not like the love he feels for humanity, it's certainly alien to the love of God and of Heaven (which to a human eye doesn't look like love at all); it's just between them, as far as he knows, and once the Ineffable Bureaucracy is revealed it doesn't seem particularly similar even to that. It's just - him and Crowley, the way they are.

Which Aziraphale seems to think requires that he make himself smaller than he is, so Crowley can feel heroic.

Crowley truly does enjoy rescuing Aziraphale, there is no doubt about that. He even gets off on little things like being coaxed with puppy dog eyes into cleaning his coat for him. But to me, out here in the audience, it's clear that he also likes it when Aziraphale does something badass like giving away his flaming sword or blowing up his halo. Aziraphale only takes visible satisfaction in front of him, however, in small things - palming the incriminating photograph, for example, or asking for the towel and the rubber duck. The big things scare or embarrass him.

Is he afraid Crowley will feel less loved if he feels less needed?

Is he afraid Crowley will love him less, if he needs him less?

Is he afraid of his own power? Of his tendency to get carried away, to overdo things just a bit, to start out building a neat little roleplaying romantic scenario to hide what he and Crowley did from Heaven and wind up with a shopful of glamored, disoriented, and semi-mind-controlled neighbors dancing dances they don't know how to do. Aziraphale and Crowley have scary amounts of power, and while Crowley embraces that, or at least faces it head-on, Aziraphale really doesn't. And y'know? Watching that ball? He's probably got a good reason for that.

Which brings me right round back to the PTSD idea.

I'm a military brat, born on a USAF base and shuffled around according to military personnel policy and needs. My dad didn't have a combat position, though. He was a mechanic for his entire tour in Nam, thank goodness. I live now in the town sometimes called "the mother-in-law of the army." My husband was in the Air Force when I met him (but, again, never saw combat and really did not have the temperament for it). I am not an authority on PTSD in veterans, far from it.

But I've met these guys. I've worked with them, dated them, played D&D and SCA with them, paid rent to them, even been rescued by them in minor ways. I know the difference between the loudmouth bragging about what he's done, or will do, or could do, or is trained to do, or looks forward to doing, the gung-ho guy who wants to kick ass that you've probably met hanging around the comic shop and have certainly seen on your ballot, and the guy who never talks about any of those things, structures his life by a rulebook, accepts authority when it's thrust upon him but does not seek it out, prefers a quiet life, and suddenly pops up with a weird competence when it's needed, only to put it away again when it's not, unless you ask him to teach you. (He'll teach you. He'll teach you all the safety rules first.) For good or for evil, it's the guy you forget was a soldier who was the good soldier. And as a good soldier, he may have done horrible, horrible things. He may even have medals for them, buried in his sock drawer or shoved to the back of his gun safe.

I think there's a strong possibility that Aziraphale was a very good soldier and now wants to forget all about it. That he may even have been a hero once, and doesn't want to be one ever again. Let Crowley do it; let the humans do it; let other angels do it; I don't want to kill the anti-christ, I don't want to fight demons even when they invade my bookshop, I have no intention of fighting in any war. Let me be the cat's paw while you surround the church to descend on the Nazis I lured there for you. Let me be the person who draws the fire, who introduces the complication, who uncovers the clue - you can save the day. I don't like that part.

With all these layers of and reasons for disguising his true self, it's no wonder that Aziraphale loves sleight-of-hand and theater. No power involved, no harm done, it's all illusion and skill and appearances. So innocent, so harmless, so fun!

It's no wonder it's so hard for him to tell the truth.

And yet, he takes almost everyone else at face value. Most dishonest people I've known have been deeply suspicious, always looking for signs of deception and clues to what's not said, to the point of cutting themselves off from people they should be close to. It takes an honest person to be truly gullible, I would have thought. How real is that gullibility? How deep is that trust in everyone except himself?

I was once very badly hurt by a liar. Well, more than once. Most of them I haven't forgiven; this one, I did. Because I realized that in order to lie to me, he first had to lie to himself. Because I realized he'd been raised to lie, because his real self was not acceptable to his family and they would not be satisfied with him until he lied to them. Of course he thought he had to lie. Of course it took him most of his life to figure out what the truth even was. He had to put in a lot of work, and he did it. For me, specifically. In tandem with me putting in the work to fix what made it so easy for him to lie to me.

Aziraphale can do it, too. For Crowley,and for humanity. I have every faith in his ability to do that. Crowley has a lot of crap to unlearn and replace, too. They can do it, together, for each other.

Metatron is going to do everything he can to prevent it, in order to protect his own lie.

Fortunately, Metatron underestimates Aziraphale.

Unfortunately - Aziraphale also underestimates Aziraphale.

[yakuzabrainrotlive]

So uhhh. Saejima's part. Yeah. How do I put this...

It really didn't do it for me, personally? 😭 There are some very good moments there, truly! I just. Don't have a lot so say about it. I played 'till before the kidnapping thing.

First, we gotta get the most important part out of the way:

Saejima's lucky plushie for the game will be Donpen-kun!

Somehow ended up going on a big tangent about Majima's situation right at the beginning.

I guess this crisis is understandable, though. Tojo is (at least outwardly) bigger than ever, the Hills project is done, Saejima's not on death row anymore and knows the story behind '85. He's at a crossroads right now; what does he want to do now? He lived for more than two decades waiting for this whole thing to come to a head, it did, and now there's... options. And time is ticking - they're not getting any younger. And there's no going back to how things were before shit it the fan, so something new is gonna have to happen.

Kiryu's midlife crisis? Kinda expected. Majima's midlife crisis? Did NOT expect it. I love these moments where we get to hear what's truly going on in his head, even just a little bit. He's a deeper thinker than the people around him would ever give him credit for.

I mean.... not sure if Majima is talking about physical or mental slowness taking over, probably both? He's so used to there constantly being a big stressor somewhere, always having so much to do, having to be on guard. When it's all starting to simmer down after all those years and there's this stability (though it's fragile), I feel like everything WOULD start to catch up to him and he'd really start to FEEL those years. Stress has such a massive effect on your physical and mental well-being that I shouldn't really be surprised this kind of crash is happening.

Physical side? He canonically doesn't eat very well (at least not in Kiwami, he says he practically lives on fast food) and he probably kept having nightmares like in Y0, so sleep is probably not good either. I'm also a firm believer that the year in The Hole left a physical impact as well, maybe some chronic pain that's really making itself known as he's aged? All that on top of, well, just natural aging.

I can see why he'd feel he's no longer got the same OOMPH as before. And while I can't relate to this in terms of aging, my own chronic illness has significant effects on my ability to function at times, and it can be very frustrating to feel your body just... not doing as well as before.

I'm eager to see how this develops.

OKAY, SAEJIMA. Uhhh. Prison! The Joint! Not gonna lie, I was kind of... bored with the prison section.

I like the fact that the game took the time to address the anxiety of prisoners who are getting out after long sentences. They have no idea what kind of world is waiting out there. Will they manage to get a job? Will they become homeless? That's terrifying!

But in terms of the rest of it... Personally I didn't really click with Saejima's cellmates and it was a whole lot of... running around this empty map. If I'd managed to grow fond of, say Baba, the whole stabbing mystery would have kept me more engaged. They did add those dream/imagination sequences, but it was. Ehhh.

WE GOT SAEJIMA KAROKE!! And I did somehow get the Bakamitai full score while on that imagination date with Kaguya! Saejima's singing voice is gorgeous.

When the plot kicked in, it got interesting for a bit. They're really trying to get rid of all the past and current MVPs of the Tojo Clan real fast. Very aggressive, feels more and more like Omi is behind this and one of them is pulling strings in the Tojo side of things.

Thank you for everything Kosaka, my king. You will not be forgotten🫡

Lord almighty, up in the heavens... you better not make me drive this contraption or I swear-

*inhuman screeching sound* NOOOOOOOOOOO 😭😭😭😭😭

Huh. Honestly at a loss for words, here. That's a whole bear.

...

I mean, sure!! Why not! Kiryu took on tigers while healing from a stab wound, this might as well happen.

VERY niche reference that only people from the Nordics will probably understand, but. A huge man-eating bear terrorizing a remote village? And a badass, gruff loner of an old hunter has beef with that specific bear? What's next, a young akita inu comes to fight it with a pack of 1000+ fellow dogs and eventually lops its head off with a supernatural technique?

please watch the Silver Fang anime it's nuts

I honestly don't have ANYTHING else to say about the hunting village section😭 We hunted, we talked, we left. We chilled. Literally and in terms of vibes.

I LOVED the look of Tsukimino! My favourite town in terms of looks and vibe this far. But then I realized how hellish that town is to move around in because of all the narrow streets and only being able to move across roads in specific spots and angles. Made the town feel very small. It's a shame.

Bear 2 was a very funny addition. Got a genuine laugh out of me. I guess it's only fair; Kiryu fought two tigers, why should Saejima get away with only one bear?

Kidnapping plot is sounding INSANE right now, how the HELL will they pull this one off.

[inaconstantstateofchange]

‘Sup fren! For the ask game:

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?

M - Name a character you’d like to have for a friend.

ahhh thank you! also bless you for adding the question (although catch me dropping single letters in your inbox with full disregard for this xD)

K

Hmm, Astarion is like... the/an obvious answer, so we'll just take that as said. Outside of that, I'm gonna go a little outside the box and say Rolan, actually. I'm a huge fan of Larian's subtle storytelling, and seeing Rolan's story unfold throughout my first playthrough, growing from a painfully obnoxious twat, to a bitter loner questioning everything, to someone who learned that sometimes, people could and would stand up to evil on your behalf, and maybe he wanted to become someone with the strength of will and magic to do so himself - it moved me! I love him, he's such a good character.

M

Oh this has me just so stumped. I usually don't like... think of characters or universes in terms of myself being a part of them, and it brings up so many questions like - are they in my universe? how does that work? how did it change them? am i in their universe? who am i in that universe... You see the struggle. Why yes I am a chronic over-thinker. Hm. For now, I'll go with Dammon. He seems very dependable and lovely with a depth of emotion and experience to him, and I'd love to see what he comes up with with a proper forge to hand.

[crunchybeansprouts]

advice for myself

[040123] absolutely could not come up with something to write for today, and there's 4 minutes until tomorrow - so this will be short. despite my tough, uncaring facade, i'm extremely insecure and a chronic over-thinker. i've realized people don't care as much as i fear they do, but i still make sure everything i say, wear, and do are well within social norms to avoid being judged. sometimes (especially with friends i'm not super close with), i'm paranoid to the point that i won't say what i truly want to eat or drink. every single time, there's a little voice in my head that tells me "but what if they don't like it?". in the future, i hope i can find genuine confidence that boldly spills out of me. but until then, don't care as much, okay? focus on what truly matters to you instead <3

[xxmolls]

A demo I recorded on my phone of a new song I wrote (and am still working on) called "Feel Better."

(my voice is weak and shaky in the very beginning, my bad, please ignore that ha) This song was inspired by... a lot. I've been chronically ill since I was 19 (and had Tourette Syndrome since I was barely out of my mother's womb). I am incredibly uncomfortable in my own body. I am constantly in pain.

I used to have so many dreams for my future. In particular I wanted to be a singer/songwriter, and before my illness I was working very hard towards that.

However, after I got sick at 19, I spent over 13 years on-and-off (mostly on) bedridden. I feel like I lost all of my 20's to sleeping and doctors appointments.

Most doctors I saw were utterly fascinated by my symptoms, but very few could give me any answers for what was causing them. Even fewer could give me suggestions on how to treat my symptoms: how to feel better. I got to the point pretty quickly where I was incredibly desperate to find a way to feel better and get my life back. Unfortunately, there are many people out there who prey on desperation and chronically ill people in particular.

Despite being raised from a young age to be a critical thinker, I found myself desperate enough to not care. Even if a treatment was likely fake, I would try anything if there was even a hint of a possibility for some semblence of relief. This song talks about that desperation I feel from being so sick and debilitated, and some of the "snake oil cures" I fell for. The bridge and conclusion say what I have found in my little medical mystery journey through the years: I mostly can't depend on others for answers and healing, whether that be quacks, mlm shillers, or legitimate doctors and specialists. The most progress I've made towards healing and "giving my body a break" is from things I have figured out myself, and kind of navigating the US healthcare world as my own fiercest advocate. One of these days, I'm gonna make myself feel better.

Lyrics Feel Better I didn't get out of bed today I just sleep as my dreams float away The thought had never crossed my mind that my days would be defined By if I put on pants If I took my pills If I opened my eyes If I burnt up or had the chills I wish I could make time stand still but with this restless brain God knows I never will My body aches My head shakes I'll do whatever it takes to feel better I just want to feel better Desperation can make you dumb I'll take any "cure" if it makes me numb To give my body a break I'll buy oil from any snake I've seen every quack I've tried every "cure" I've done pyramid schemes I tried to live more pure I wish I could make time stand still but with this restless brain God knows I never will My body aches My head shakes I'll do whatever it takes to feel better I just want to feel better I used to be a go-getter I'm gonna make myself feel better better... better I wish I could make time stand still but with this restless brain God knows I never will My body aches My head shakes I'll do whatever it takes to feel better I'm gonna make myself feel better

[bisluthq]

I always saw Hits different as an anthem of overthinking people. I'm one of those people by the way. What I mean is that I see it as like they had an argument and in her mind she was making it a whole catastrophe of things that didn't happen. Like omg he's going to fall in love with someone else, I'm going to be sick etc it literally just reminds me of myself making up stuff to be anxious about

That sounds right to me (also a chronic over thinker here!!) To me, the song sounds pretty clearly like they had a really bad fight and she went out with her friends and all she can think about is him and what he's thinking and what he's doing now etc. That bit about 'I slur your name till someone puts me in a car' to me sounds like when you/your friend just won't shut up about the fight she's had with her partner and him in general. I feel like I've been that friend and I've had friends who, when drunk, only want to talk about that and the friend who's not the mess does say things like "love is a lie" or "fuck him" to get you to shut up about that mostly. But yes a lot of it is in our heads and then it turns out not to be as catastrophic as we thought. And that whole "it hits different coz it's you" bit just really resonated/resonates with me. It sucks when you fight with someone you're actively in love with. It genuinely hits different. It's one thing to have someone you're like not that interested in piss you off and it's another when you REALLY want it to work but tonight it's just not working.

Also, my ex and I NEVER fought. I think in the 7 years, we had maybe 2-3 fights? But we spent almost 2 of those years actively in the process of breaking up. So I think if I'd heard this song then, I'd also have connected to it quite deeply in terms of like 'moving on was always easy for me to do' because it really was very challenging to move on and just like end things idk, even though things were very fucking meh. Like it was not good but it was not bad enough to sever ties and it was kind of scary to think of being single again because we hadn't been single in such an insanely long time by then and we were in each other's family group chats and we lived together and had the cats and our finances were very wrapped up in each other's yk like we had a shared account actually that the rent came out of and our insurance policies were jointly in both our names and just logistically like idk it seemed really complicated and I think both of us were kinda like "is the hassle worth it, like can't we just deal with this?" And we kinda could and did deal but it really wasn't ideal.