#I'll take that over the stress at work and feeling betrayed

[claudiajcregg]

nine people I want to get to know better

Thanks to the awesome @onekisstotakewithme for the tag; apologies for taking forever to answer. Lovely @unseenacademic tagged me and reminded me this might be buried in my drafts, oops. (It was.) So I opened it and practically updated half of it, haha.

LAST SONG? “The Grudge��� by Olivia Rodrigo. The catharsis I felt singing it live. I'll never be over how relevant it's been to my year.

FAVORITE COLOR? Purple. I also love blue (esp some shades) but it's always been purple.

CURRENTLY WATCHING? Literally “The Circle,” but I haven't really been watching TV (so they're piling up – see: all the fic I also have to read)… I'm watching Acapulco S3 with my family (rewatch for me), which is one of my favorite shows, and we recently finished "Kaos," which was solid.

LAST MOVIE? “Self-Reliance” on my plane to London. “Twisters” at the movie theater.

SWEET/SPICY/SAVORY? Sweeeeeeeeet. I love savory too, and a bit of spice but my pick is always sweet.

RELATIONSHIP STATUS? 🧍🏻‍♀️

CURRENT OBSESSIONS? I'll be hyper-specific for the sake of it, but they're probably the most accurate and what people would say I talk about the most. The story I've been writing for almost 18mo that I'd like to start posting soon (before its time passes completely, and even if it doesn't do well). The Eras Tour. On the “I wish I wasn't,” some work stuff and things surrounding ~things~ I mentioned above.

LAST THING YOU GOOGLED? Oh god, I cannot remember. It had to either be the “granny glasses meme” (to use as a reaction image) or something related to pregnancy (for the aforementioned story).

Tagging nine people is hard, so I'm sorry if you've been tagged before. No pressure if you don't want to do it, ofc. @likeanorangeonatoothpick @holy-ships-x-red-lips @hondagirll @clintbeifong @thebreakfastgenie @ballroompink @darlingbandit @district447 @chatnip

[star1ight0]

Katsuki Bakugou x Reader "Warm Hands". Period comfort!

I died today exams are coming up and my body decided that I must suffer, endometriosis is no joke. PERIOD COMFORT.

Katsuki was never one for comfort, partly because he never really got it himself so giving it was like standing in cold water. The first time you and Katsuki were together during your period you kept to yourself not wanting to bother him with your mood swings.

He quickly caught on blowing it off as you having an off week. The second time around he was a little more observant noticing how you got more upset over simple work and how you seemed to always have a stomach ache in class.

One Ill fated day you ran out of pads quickly running to Momo giving her a knowing look, she handed you her bag as you ran off. That was only the start of your shitty day. The pills you took to kill your cramps had worn off so now you're suffering in class. Things took a turn for the worse after lunch when whatever the cafeteria food seemed to kill your stomach.

Back in class holding your stomach you left for the bathroom holding your stomach as your lunch betrayed you. After a few minutes of suffering on the bathroom floor, apparently Aizawa felt the need to send Momo to check on you. She helped you up and to recovery girl, not that she could do much but let you rest.

After class Katsuki made his way to the nurses office, seeing you curled in a ball with a bottle of pain killers next to you "The hell happened to you?" He spoke in a rather mean tone but you could still feel the sincerity of his words "Cramps" you said sitting up wrapping your hands around his waist. After a few minutes you grab his hand and get up.

He walks you back to your dorm letting you lean most of your body weight on him most the walk there. Not having any food in your system you felt your body weaken using what little energy you had to lay down. Katsuki watches you curl in a ball a soft yet concerning look still ligers. "I'll make you some soup. Don't die while I'm gone" he says gruffly placing a kiss on your head

When he returns he has a tray with soup, some warm tea and chocolate? You look up at him a bit confused "Why the chocolate?" You say still slightly dazed. "Im not a complete moron.. plus I ran into Momo and she told me" he says the second half is almost incoherent.

You look up at him with a smile holding his rather warm hands to your cold ones. The blissful moment is rudely interrupted by the feeling of a cramp in your lower stomach. Clenching your stomach holding back the tears that had been compiled caused by the many cramps and stress of the day.

A slight groan manages to escape your lips as you feel the side if you bed sink in next to you. Not saying anything you feel your boyfriend pull you towards him. "Where does it hurt" he says avoiding your slightly confused gaze you place his hands on your lower stomach leaning into his touch.

One main up side of Katsuki's quirk was his body radiated more heat then the average person, more so in his hands. "Thank you" you say slowly dozing off.

When you awake you feel your boyfriend's hands still wrapped around you. You walk to the bathroom taking care of yourself. When you come back Katsuki is still asleep so you crawl back on the bed laying in his lap.

The day continues with one similar to the one before.

Sorry this one was a little weird and shorter than I wanted. I'm tired, sick and sleepy but wanted to write this.

Requests are open!

[enhaheeseung]

Here to stay - L. Heeseung

Pairing: heeseung X fem reader!

Warning: mentions of sex, angst, heartbreak, fluff, crying.

Genre: fuck buddies, smut, mdni!

WC: 2,881k maybe a little more

Continuation of “Come & Go”

It's been one month since heeseung blocked you.

One whole month.

It was weird not hearing from you. It felt even more weird not getting up at two in the morning to run to your place and pleasure you.

Because he had cut all ties with you, he was sleeping earlier these days, but funny enough. His body was still waking him up at 2 in the morning, the time you'd usually call for him.

He felt pathetic cause his body was betraying his willpower to move on from you. Even if he was fighting for his mind to be occupied elsewhere, his heart still ached for you.

He was currently lying in bed, his phone clutched in his hand tightly, thumb itching to unblock your number.

"Fuck” he curses out loud and shuts his phone off, trying his best to respect the deal he made with Jay and ultimately trying to get over you, but it was so damn hard.

After nearly a year of being with you, it felt impossible to forget you. It felt impossible to move on with his life and find someone who would respect and love him for who he is and not just his body.

But fuck if he had to choose between you and true love, he's definitely picking you. Yeah, it hurt to be cast aside after being used by you, but it hurt so good that he'd always go back for more and more until you finally had your way and were done with him.

"Laying in bed all day isn't going to help" Jay opens his bedroom door without even knocking.

"Yeah, I kinda figured that out after the first week." heeseung rolls his eyes and sits up against his bed frame.

"The guys and I are going out. Do you want to come?" Jay fiddles with the lock on the doorknob.

"I'll pass." heeseung runs his fingers through his messy hair, sighing deeply.

"Well, the guys were hoping you could come so…" Jay murmurs.

"I'll make it up to all of you later. I still just need some time," Jay nods in understanding.

"Take your time." Jay slowly backs out of heeseung's room and closes the door silently.

"I just need some time," Heeseung quietly repeats to convince himself that all he needs is time, but even when he says it out loud, something in the pit of his stomach just doesn't feel right.

-

You sighed as you sat down at your desk at work, completely stressed out of your mind.

You could already tell you were going to have a headache when you got home tonight cause today has been nothing but a shit day.

It's one of those days where, just a month ago, you'd already be planning to call heeseung over so he could work his magic on your body and take all your stress away.

But no, because he blocked you cause he wanted more from you, and when he saw he wasn't getting it, he knew when to walk away.

You hate how you took him for granted. He was a great guy, amazing at sex and even better at cuddling you, and he also wasn't shy about making his like for you known.

You were just a piece of shit that disregarded him as a person with feelings and only saw him for what he could give to you, which was mind-blowing sex.

If you could have a do-over, then you surely would, one where you confessed to him and realized your feelings for him a whole hell of a lot sooner.

But you let your fear of being lied to and cheated on get in the way of your true happiness.

But could you even be blamed? Every man you were with did that to you, hence why you gave up on relationships and only had sexual transactions now.

But even you have to admit that Lee heeseung wasn't like Every Man. unfortunately, it took you too long to figure that out, and now here you are, heartbroken again because you let the past ruin your future. You did your best to stop that from happening and it still wasn't enough.

At least now a great guy like him could find someone who cared about him and loved him the way he deserved instead of someone like you who hid your feelings and was only going to confess after a whole year of practically using his body.

It hurt, but you hope he's happy with someone that's his equal and not a total piece of shit like you.

Who are you kidding?

It's not that simple; you wish it was, but you were going to be feeling this pain for days, if not months. Yeah, it was selfish of you to still want him around even after you played with his feelings for years, but it couldn't be helped.

If only you could have realized that he was worth taking a chance on months ago, maybe he'd be your boyfriend, maybe you'd be living together, maybe you'd be married and planning to have a family and live happily ever after.

The thought brings tears to your eyes, so you push your fairytale ideas to the side, focusing back on work before all your co-workers notice you shedding a few tears.

-

Another week had gone by, and heeseung felt the same. He knows they say it takes three months to get over someone, but how could he stay away from you that long? It was impossible, and that's why he's sneaking out of his and Jay's shared apartment to go to your place; being away from you was killing him inside. Even if you'd only use his body for sex and kick him out, it was still better than not being able to see or touch you at all.

He arrived some odd minutes later and jogged up the stairs to your building, heart racing in his chest, and he just hoped you wouldn't turn him away. He hopes you still at least just want him for sex. That'd be enough for him. Just knowing that you wanted something from him would be enough. He knows it's pathetic. He knows he deserves better, but he wants you, and he doesn't care if that makes him a loser. All he cares about is you.

The clock had just hit 2 in the morning, and you didn't know why you were holding your phone as if you could call him still, but you were. Maybe it was muscle memory, or maybe it was the only thing holding your emotions in check.

You laughed at yourself pathetically, but deep down, a part of you felt like you deserved this pain, and with that thought, you set your phone aside as the silence crept up on you, and instead of wallowing in self pity you were just going to go to sleep and wait for tomorrow so you could feel all these emotions again just this time it'd be a new time and a new date.

The knock on your door stops you in your tracks on your way to your bedroom you shake your head in disbelief because now you were even hallucinating the familiar sound of his knock.

You continued to walk to your bedroom until you heard it again and again, and there was no way that was just a hallucination, especially when the knocks became more frequent.

Heeseung was relentless outside your door. He wasn't going to stop until you let him in. He's sure you probably saw him outside the peephole by now, and he's not sure if you still even care to answer since he was the one who blocked you but fuck it, he was here now, and he wasn't taking no for an answer he needed you, and he needed you tonight.

He heard a soft click, the same one he always heard when you unlocked the door for him. His knocks came to a halt when he saw a faint light peaking through the crack of your door, and within a second, he stepped inside and slammed the door shut behind him, closing any type of personal space you once had. "Heeseun-" he doesn't even let you speak before he's jumping your bones, hands squeezing your waist as his lips met yours in a rushed kiss.

"Sorry I blocked you," he breathes out against your lips, still holding you tightly so you can't slip through his fingers. "Sorry I stopped coming, sorry I didn't answer," you moan into the kiss, hands strongly gripping his shoulders as you try to grasp what's happening.

You were shocked to see him, but you couldn't comprehend anything before you were making out with him, and right now, nothing else mattered but your lips working in perfect sync with each others.

"It was my friend's idea" he started trailing kisses down your neck, his large veiny hands cupping your tits roughly, causing you to arch your back and press yourself closer to him. "Said I should stop seeing you." he nibbled the skin of your neck as you moaned quietly. "But I couldn't. No matter how much you use me, I still want you," he whispers in your ear, his hot breath leaving a tingle running down your spine.

"Wait," you tell him breathlessly and push his shoulders, creating some distance between the two of you.

"Can't." he steps closer, lips pressing roughly against yours until you push him back again. "Please, I'll do anything. Please, just don't kick me out," he begs in a whiny voice. "I don't care if you only want me for sex. As long as you want me, that's enough."

"Heeseu-" he leans into you, his voice wobbly as he says the words he's been wanting to say for what feels like forever.

"I love you." he presses his face against your neck, inhaling your scent as his arms naturally wrap around you.

You hear him sniffle softly, and your heart breaks because none of what he was saying was how you felt, maybe in the very beginning, but definitely not now. "Hey," you cup his cheeks, making him look up at you, his watery eyes boring into your own. "I don't just want you for sex, okay, you're so much more than that, and I can't believe I'm saying this cause I never thought I'd utter the words again but fuck heeseung, I love you too. I love you so much," you whisper, hands running along his neck soothingly.

That's it. Lee heeseung had finally broken all your walls and infiltrated your heart. You thought they were impenetrable, but it turns out all you needed was someone who actually truly cared about you and not someone who was just using you for their own satisfaction.

He looks back and forth between your eyes, obviously confused by your words, and you laugh lightly because of his cute expression. "You don't have to say that just because I di-" You shut him up with one long-awaited meaningful kiss.

He was beyond happy to hear you saying those words to him, but this couldn't be real, could it? He must still be back at his apartment, dreaming of this moment that he had dreamt of a million times.

But your next words proved otherwise. "I know it's sudden, baby, I know, but I love you," You peck his cute pouted lips. "I just couldn't bring myself to tell you how I truly felt. I've been hurt so many times in the past, and I was just scared to move on with you, but I should have seen you were different from the start. I should have never strung you along and played with your feelings. I'm so sorry for everything, and I'm just so happy you're here now, and I can tell you how much you mean to me. You're so perfect, Lee Heeseung," you told him sincerely while stroking his soft cheek with your thumb, eyes full of nothing but love. "And I would be the luckiest girl on the planet to have all your love, and if you're willing to give me another chance, I want to give that same love back to you."

He's grinning from ear to ear, elated by the three words you just confessed to him.

He expected this to go so much differently than it has, but he wouldn't want it any other way. He can't believe you loved him back, like you actually felt the same way for him as he felt about you, and that was absolutely mind-blowing. And now that he thinks about it, he needs to have more than just a few words with Jay, but that could wait till later. Right now, he's gonna enjoy this surreal moment with you, the love of his life.

"Can you say all that again? You lost me at I love you," he chuckles, squeezing you in his arms tightly.

You giggle while nodding and repeating every single thing you said, and he listens very, very intently, his eyes sparkling as he looks at you with so much love.

"So maybe you can prove it to me in your room on your bed. How does that sound?" He scrunched his face up, laughing softly as you nodded your head shyly. "Yeah?" He grins.

"Yeah, I'll prove that and so much more, my love," you whisper seductively, and he visibly goes red, causing you to bite down on your lip to hold back your smile, and you can't help but think he looks so good all shy like that.

How did you ever get so lucky for him to give you another chance?

"God, I'm so happy," he sighs dreamily, staring at you with nothing but pure love in his eyes, and you felt so full knowing that he cared about you so much and was never shy to express it.

He picks you up in his arms, carrying you to bed. "I love you." he pecks the tip of your pretty nose, laying you down gently on your bed and hovering above you. "So much," he adds while leaning down and connecting your lips with his.

"I love you more." You smile so hard your cheeks start to hurt. "And for the record, you make me happier."

"Hey!" He whines cutely. "You make me the most happy."

And who were you to argue with that? Especially when his soft pink lips were colliding so perfectly with yours.

-

It was the morning after you and heeseung were lying down in bed together, his arm around you while your head rested on his bare chest. "Morning," you whisper, looking out the window and tickling his chest with your fingertips.

"Hmm, morning lovely," he chuckles and wraps his other arm around you. "Love you," he says with his raspy morning voice.

"Love you too." You kissed his chest all over, hearing him giggle from below you.

It's funny how it had been years since you said those words to a love interest, but with him, it just came so naturally, like you had been saying it for years.

"I gotta make it up to you, hee," you pout, tracing the faint line between his pecs.

"No baby, this is enough. Just you and me here now is all that matters," he assures you, but that's not good enough. He deserves the world.

"I know, but I want to do something for you," you tell him seriously.

"You don't take no for an answer, hmm?" He smiles.

"Not this time," you say matter-of-factly.

"Tell me what you want to do for me, baby. You were already amazing last night; I don't know what more I could ask for." You blush, hearing his words and feeling little butterflies erupt in your stomach. No one has ever talked to you as sweetly as he has. "Plus, you told me your side, and I understand it's hard, but I promise you I'll treat you right love, be the man you deserve."

"Oh, hee." You looked up at him, and your eyes started to water.

"It's only what you deserve" he taps your nose, making you smile, and now you want to give this man the whole world.

"That's it get ready," you tell him and hop off the bed. You were going to take him anywhere he wanted, buy him whatever he wanted, wine, and dine him the whole nine yards. Whatever he wanted, it was his, no questions asked.

"Okay, baby, but first, come take a picture with me so I can send it to Jay." You hop back in bed and take a cute picture of you both hiding under the sheets, with only your eye smile showing he sent it. Caption it: my girlfriend and me.

"Girlfriend?" You ask him.

"Don't act surprised. You know it was coming sooner or later," he laughs.

"Boyfriend!" You cheer after a few moments of letting this set in and tackle him in the biggest hug ever.

"I like the sound of that. Say it again, baby." you both smile, looking at each other completely lovestruck.

Heartbreak comes and goes, but this love is here to stay.

[END]

Thanks so much for reading! Please leave feedback. I love you all and hope you enjoyed it since everyone was asking for a lot.2 lol🖤

Anyone who wants to be on the perm tag list or regular just lmk cause I keep forgetting.

[seirei-bh]

Summary and opinions of Jason's route ep 5! SPOILERS

Well, well, well, if you're the Jason route, congratulations, my friend! We're celebrating here with cocktails and ugly sobs because we FINALLY get a moment with Jason that last more than two minutes! + a moment alone with him! applauses!

In general it was a good ep, I liked it! I still need to play it with other routes to get a complete opinion, but I enjoyed it.

And now, before continuing, this post contains BIG SPOILERS!!! about this ep in this route, so if you prefer to enjoy the content of the ep by yourself I REALLY recommend that you wait until the day of the general release and play it before read this.

Btw keep in mind that I'm going to make this post with humorous notes on purpose, so pls take it in good vibes!

As soon as I started the ep I got angry because Thomas was two hours late to work without any consequences -Devon was 100% ok with that, like???- while my Sucrette was awake since 7AM as a clown, and then she had to hear how Roy and Amanda argued over a cool project and about how Thomas got the coolest one and then they let my Sucrette take care of the shittiest project of all, thanks Devenementiel! I felt loved and considered! I'll be happy to betray all of you soon! :D Except you, Elenda, you're a sweetheart and wonderful, pls be my wife. I love you, honey.

My sucrette Lily proceeded to take on the project herself without ask help and without making any calls to the client (because she's stupid and because I wanted she suffered alone so Jason could manipulate her later, I'm evil yeees), and ofc she ended up screwing up. Then Elenda tried to cheer us up and then my sucrette went for a walk alone to catch a depression for having disappointed Devon, her coworkers and even her goose. Dishonor on your goose, girl!

Then we found Jason in the park!! Basically our girl was seeing her life passing away in front of her eyes and then our lovely knight came to make fun of her, like a perfect Fool knight in a fairy tale. I swear this man has to have a location chip on us that also detects our emotions, otherwise Idk how we match up with him in every episode XDDD I guess his cell phone alerts him and he will go into "OMG my future wife need my bad jokes! I must go with her so she notices me!" and he runs out of his office.

In short, he offer us his help while he tries to hide his horns, his trident and the infernal flames from the ground , we end up telling him our problem because Sucrette is an idiot, and we make a deal with the devil, but not before Jason telling us to ask him nicely like "pleasee help me", and my Sucrette goes into: desire to kill increasing mode. Jason calls Danica to get info about the project, and while we wait for her response, Jason smirks and thanks us for liking his Instagram photo, while Sucrette tries not to k*ll him. When he gets the info very proud, she also mocks him and comments that "If you track everyone like this, it's no wonder you already have gray hair." and Jason responds that it's not from stress or age, it's poliosis, and that it's hereditary, and his father had them too. And there I wanted my Sucrette to shut up, lol, I'm embarrassed, girl.

Then comes my favorite moment: Jason takes us to Goldreamz!! Here we get a tense scene in which he touches Sucrette's back, they look at each other intensely, she has contradictory feelings because she thinks she's betraying her Devenementiel's coworkers, she doubs about his intentions, and then… *laughs* I love sm this:

Jason is sooo proud of his office and his company that asks Sucrette her opinion about it, Sucrette comments that she has no opinion on it, like meh~ I'm not impressed, man, this is Ikea, and Jason responds like a total offended diva XD Then he counterattacks by making fun of Devenementiel's decoration and both tease each other like always. I love my two fools.

His expression was priceless. And she doesn't give a f***, lmao, tell him, girl. This pathetic man wanted to impress sm his queen and he failed. Someone should call the ambulance, the rival boss is having a shock *laughs*

Next, they both discuss the processes they will follow for the project, Sucrette contributing ideas and Jason getting her very good and surprising contacts. Then there's another of my favorite moments, Jason shows briefly vulnerable when Sucrette asks him a couple of personal questions about his childhood. Jason reveals to us that his parents were not millionaires, that his birthday parties were quite modest, and that his father died when he was a teenager, and then he ends the conversation. And I wanted to hug him.

Here I want to give my opinion. This is the first time that we get info about his family and I'm surprised! Because I thought Jason came from a rich family, like Amanda, and the plot twist about his father leaves me intrigued. The only thing I can theorize now at least is that Jason became an ambitious person perhaps due to this, and I wonder what exactly happened to his father, whether he died from an accident or illness.

Finally, Sucrette thanks him and Jason tells her that she shouldn't forget that now she has an outstanding debt with him that she'll have to pay at some point, dramatic pause----! He doesn't tell us what he wants, but I've a couple of ideas: either Jason will try to get something from Devenementiel by using us (despite Sucrette told him she would never betray Devenementiel) or he will try to get us to go on a date with him to a dinner or an event, without we won't be able to reject his invitation, to try to seduce us.

I already suspected that Sucrette on his route would end up visiting Goldreamz at some point, but I admit I didn't expect it to be so soon! It was a pleasant surprise. We didn't meet Danica and Spencer yet though.

After that, Sucrette presents to her colleagues at Devenementiel the project she has worked on with Jason, without meantion him ofc, Devon congratulates her, Elenda hugs her (my queen Elenda being the best girl always), and Sucrette feels horribly uncomfortable because she thinks she is betraying all of her coworkers by hiding the truth about Jason's help. Hahaha, I'm really would like Devon and the others finds out that Jason helped us, I want to see their reaction *evil masochistic laugh*

At the end I had the date with Roy at the pool, since I will do the ones with Amanda and Thomas in a few days. I loved it! Roy's illu is so beautiful, so colorful and bright! <3 Although Beemoov are cowards for not giving us mermanRoy, he'd have look so hot! U__U Regarding Jason's illus with him in the company, I also really liked the intimacy and tension of the scene, and the detail that their faces are in shadow, as to emphasize the forbidden nature of that secret meeting and that you're making a deal with the devil.

About the PAs, I spent around 1.700, but I forgot to use jokers this time, so I guess for other people could be cheaper.

You can also get a sea background for your room and furniture of that theme in your closet at the end of the ep. They are available to buy whatever you want. I used the background for my bedroom and I love how it looks!

[hatterladz]

So let's talk Cuphead's kills

I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE I NEED TO YAP!!! REREAD BE DAMNED I NEED TO SPEAK!!!!

Alrighty so spoilers for Inky Mystery, buckle up this is going to be a long one

Okay so I was going to my fav chapters and doing some rereads

And I'm going rabid about Chapter 177: A Broken Cup and it made me also realize some things with Chapter 334: Can't Sleep a Wink

Now to start off with 334 always bugged me, it felt so out of nowhere. I mean, Cup is sleeping around with girls, being Bendy's wingman and before that doing Fanny favors? Sure there was the gangs but it felt sudden that Cup just killed Wink not only that but that murder was much more emotionally involved then his other jobs. Why?

At first I could believe it's his overprotective streak, but now I think it might be something else, because I reread Chapter 177, where he's getting taunted by the Night Terror. And when I read him being taunted I took it all as lies but during my reread...

How much of Wink's death was really the B-Bros protection? How much of it was for Wilson? Was it really that? Or was it something else?

Much earlier in the story it's mentioned Cuphead laughed at hurting and killing people. But we know he didn't enjoy it, it haunts him. His guilt and regret is mentioned frequently. He even remembers all of his victims.

So why? Why is there so much emphasis in the Labrynth that Cuphead is not just a killer but a killer who likes his job? When he has this much guilt and regret? When he remembers all of their screams and deaths?

Because it's how he copes. He was raised as a killer, it's what he's good at and he also knows that, when it comes to the underworld, an easy solution.

The events surrounding this chapter was more then just Cuphead going through a playboy era with his friend Bendy. The house stresses him out, he can't go there now after the events that happened with Holly. So he went to the Candy Shop, except then Fanny hurt and betrayed him. He doesn't have anywhere to go so he's coping in the worst ways possible.

Violence and women. Now this isn't my post where I talk about how using sex is a coping mechanism is a horrible idea, so I'll move on from that. But let's look at that quote again "I've need something to hit for awhile".

He's doing it as a stress relief. He can't figure things out with Fanny, he can't help his friend with his guilt and fears of killing angels, he can't do anything about the deal with Marcus, the ink machine, the fact he's trapped as the "Devil's Dog".

But he can kill Winky. Winky has his goons all over the house. Winky killed Wilson which caused all his friends pain, Winky tried to attack his friends, Winky has answers to his questions, Winky is a problem. So he takes it out on Winky. He wasn't ever intending of letting Winky go easy, and he especially wasn't planning it after his suspicions were true. Why would he mention he works for the Devil otherwise?

Why did he leave Mugman home? Because Mugs would stop him. He didn't want to be stopped. It's why he doesn't tell anyone about it or Darius after. Sure Darius is a target, and I'm sure information was also a target. But that wasn't the only reason.

But he doesn't want to admit how easy it is for him to kill, the relief it gives. And how guilty he feels afterwards.

Because he doesn't even want to address it's his fault. He did what he had to. He doesn't want to believe what sort of person he is, he doesn't want to remember all the things he's done. He tries to forget. It's not his fault, he was protecting his brother. He was told to by the Devil. He did what he had to. Didn't want to acknowledge the times he had fun tormenting people, to acknowledge how good he is at being a monster [since deep down, that's how he sees himself], and he especially didn't want to acknowledge he killed when he didn't have to. That he took the "easy" way to do things.

He did what he had to. That's what he needs to believe.

[calmcoldevening]

Reader persuade slashers to go to sleep

Michael Myers

• This person is devilishly stingy with actions and emotions when it comes to his human needs. Have you seen this car? He can easily wander for several days without food and water, until his stomach starts eating itself from the inside or something. Michael will hunt without sleep until he simply passes out due to lack of sleep.

• But here you are in his life! That's... Good.

• At first, this would not have been particularly reflected in his lifestyle, but now he would have somewhere to return to.

• When he really got used to you, his human side came out. Damn, did he really fall asleep on your couch?

• Living with you, he will basically stop ignoring his needs, it just won't work.

• Are you asking him to go to bed? But... Okay, good. But on the condition that you sleep next to him. Michael may not admit his weakness in front of you, but he values you. It will be much easier for a man to fall asleep knowing that you are near and safe.

• Sleeps in a corpse pose or on his side, throwing his arm around your waist and squeezing your soft flesh with his iron grip to guarantee your position next to him.

• This is probably the first time when, instead of terrible nightmares, he will see a melancholic dream about a quiet life with you.

Vincent Sinclair

• Vince spends all his time in his basement behind paintings or sculptures. Honey, you really need to show him what a daily routine and a normal full-fledged sleep are.

• Of course, he is not Michael and will not bring himself to unconsciousness, but he can also neglect sleep for the sake of the "mom's museum".

• Go up to him and gently hug his shoulders. His tense flesh will instinctively cling to your cool skin, given the heat from boiling cauldrons in the basement.

• "Will Vinnie go to bed? I miss you."

• God, your needy voice and the tenderness and awe with which you pronounce his name, this is all that Vincent needs to feel all the accumulated fatigue and stress over the past hours.

• He may hesitate slightly, but the man will immediately get up, pick up your hands in a wedding style and lead you towards the exit from the basement. It will be a long walk through the museum, the night air is useful before going to bed, right?

• Vincent will sleep snuggled up to your chest like a lost kitten. The man will enjoy purring while you caress his long hair. Your presence is all that is needed for a sound and long sleep.

John Kramer

• John is too devoted to his desire to teach people to value their lives. And yet he often forgets about his own, completely giving himself up to the process of creating new traps.

• In addition, his health leaves much to be desired. Against the background of such a downed regime and short sleep, cancer is progressing significantly, you can see it by its even more painful condition. Red eyes, pale skin and more frequent coughing attacks.

• You find John in the workshop. He was completely alone. Apparently, today he decided to give the guys a day off, which can not be said about himself. If Amanda had been here, she would certainly have quarreled with John. The man was hunched over the table and collecting some details. You didn't betray much importance to this and just came closer. Now your hands gently massaged his tense shoulders, and after a moment a sigh of relief escapes from John's chest. He was really tired.

• "John, it's late."

• "Go to bed. I'll join you soon."

• His words are cut short by another bout of severe coughing. Your face visibly darkens, and you lightly put your arm around the man's back.

• "I can't without you."

• John thinks for just a moment before returning to his work. Did your words sound so unconvincing?

• "Lawrence told you to take better care of yourself, John. You will only get worse if you continue in the same spirit."

• Your voice goes almost to a whisper. Finally, John sighs in defeat, pushing his chair away from the table and grabbing your hand with his palm, stroking the skin with his thumb.

• "It's only for an hour."

• You're visibly cheering up, your face is shining. Helping John to get up from his chair, you gently grab him and lead him towards the bedroom. God, your smile is the only thing that makes him really happy.

Brahms Heelshire

• This is a big baby.

• It's really hard to persuade him to go to bed.

• First, you will make a few laps around the house during the catch-up, after which Brahms will hide in some closet and sit there with his hand over his mouth until you give up and ask him to come out.

• Maybe then he will listen.

• You'd better start from afar. For example, with a warm relaxing bath. Brahms will melt under your touch while you lovingly wash his curly hair. He's literally like plasticine.

• Then you can offer him warm milk or herbal tea to calm his raging energy.

• Read him a book. God, Brahms loves your sweet angelic voice so much. This is already one of the ways to make him fall asleep.

• And, of course, your hugs. Lie down next to him, hugging him to yourself. A man will purr contentedly, rubbing against your chest. You're so sweet, warm and pleasant. He'll fall asleep right away.

• Don't forget about the night kiss.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for wanting to spend a night out with a guy?

I'm twenty, study in university and still live with my parents. I've been planning to move out since I was eighteen, but they told me to keep living at home and not get a job so I could focus on studying while they take care of me financially. This arrangement has worked mostly well in the past years save for a few small conflicts, but it's escalated in the past 3-4 months.

The issue is my time schedule. I have a very active social life, am active in the local art scene, do political work and a lot of extracurricular stuff for university (I'm a straight A student, I might add!). Because of this, and because I'm a natural night owl, I usually come home late several days a week (between 10pm and 2am) and stay out all day for most of the week. This means I can't do a lot of chores, and usually there's a lot of housework because my mum has a bit of a cleaning anxiety and wants to make sure everything is spotless 24/7.

Enter this guy, I'll call him Tim. I met him at a festival last summer and we became long distance friends. Tim has visited me for a day several times before, but this weekend he offered to come over for two days and we agreed to spend the night stargazing together without sleeping. I loved the idea and immediately said yes. It was gonna be just us, a couple energy drinks, and some bench in the city center, and I was really looking forward to it.

The thing is, my mum does not like Tim. Like, at all. She thinks he seems very sleazy and generally distrusts him because he feels "too nice" for her. Mind you, he's just a somewhat shady looking guy who is generally pretty anxious he might make a bad impression, so he overperforms the whole "respectable member of society" act a bit around new people. I've introduced him to my friend group and even the more sceptical people absolutely love him and think he's a very sweet, helpful person. In basically every stressful situation I've ever seen him in he's been deescalating, protective and helpful, and he has on several occasions been my first source of comfort when things went to hell.

Today I told my mum in an offhanded comment that I won't come home between Sunday and Monday and the situation escalated completely. She was crying, accusing me of ruining her month, saying I didn't care about this family, it got ugly. The main point she had was that I was staying out all night with someone who's a total stranger to her and she doesn't trust him at all. In the end we compromised that Tim and I would spend the night awake, but not in the city, at home.

I feel really humiliated by this whole situation and honestly, kind of betrayed, because I was promised stuff like this wouldn't happen, and it just hits in a much safer situation than ones I've been in before (I used to get blackout drunk and sleep at parties a lot.). I'm a legal adult, have been for years now and it's so disappointing that my parents still treat me like a child sometimes and are so judgy towards my friends too. At the same time, I'm wondering whether I've acted wrong too by not telling her about this earlier and not taking her concerns that seriously. I forget sometimes that I talk to Tim every day for hours, but my parents only briefly ran into him once, so of course their view of him is skewed.

PS: I should add that when I told him about this, he immediately apologized, asked if I needed anything or wanted to change the plan and decided to dig out the least offensive outfit he could find so he'd make a good impression on my parents. So he's definitely trying his best.

[jiveyuncle]

your roleith pieces give me so much lifeeeeee ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ plz share any headcanons u have of them ps have a good day 🤩

!?!? You have no idea how delighted this ask made me, anon 😭💕 thank you sm!! I obsess over them in my notes and have so much planned for drawing. I’m actually about halfway through coloring a little mini comic interaction I have sketched out between Rolo and Krolia where she’s basically like, “High key, I’ll kill you if you betray him, again.” Lol

Sneaks!!

As far as headcanons, hmm. I’m bad at detailing, but I have general concepts and moments laid out in my brain:

When the Blade of Marmora teams up with the rebels on one of Keith’s earliest missions, Keith is not happy to see a certain someone working with the rebels. Doesn’t trust him at allll. He’s not outwardly hateful or anything, but his stress goes through the roof whenever intel is shared with Rolo or when Rolo is expected to watch Keith’s team’s backs.

Trust is slow to build. It takes Rolo ignoring an order from the Blade to go back for a civilian before Keith finally starts to believe Rolo might actually be alright. (It reminds him of something his old Voltron teammates would do.)

They race each other in crafts. Things are more even when Keith flies base models instead of his old lion, but he’s still the better pilot. He enjoys having someone challenge him.

Rolo 100% falls first. He’s not subtle at all, but he also doesn’t announce it or anything. Rolo’s team is so painfully aware of his feelings and tease him endlessly. Nyma will drop remarks (to Rolo’s annoyance) right in front of Keith about it, and it will still go right over Keith’s head. Matt is the last to figure it out and he about short circuits when he finally puts it together.

Despite the height difference, Keith kicks Rolo’s ass in hand-to-hand combat training.

Rolo’s bandages cover scars from his time under Galra captivity. The skin is particularly sensitive and fragile in those areas, and they’re prone to reactive flair ups of pain and swelling when messed with. Keith gets a look at these scars for the first time after a particularly rough battle where they wind up stranded and have to wait for backup to pick them up.

Lance is initially outraged to find out Keith is buddy-buddy with Rolo and Nyma (“You know, the people who sold us out to Zarkon and chained me to a tree ‘Rolo and Nyma!?’”), but he and Nyma actually eventually click and become decent pals. They have a bet going about how long it will take Keith to realize Rolo’s crush.

Krolia meets Rolo post- Space Whale and basically threatens Rolo with murder if he ever betrays her son, again. She doesn’t trust Rolo, but she trusts Keith’s judgement so she doesn’t meddle beyond that initial greeting. He earns her respect at a later time when a mission fails because he does something to ensure Keith’s safety over the mission’s success.

Rolo’s race can breathe in a wider range of atmospheres. There’s a pretty big scare when Keith’s mask gets shattered in a battle on the ground, rendering him unable to breathe, and Rolo has to drag him back to the ship while under heavy fire. Rolo essentially spells out his feelings after.

First kiss follows Keith making a close call piloting maneuver during a mission that saves his team. Rolo outright grabs him by the hood and fusses him out over the risky behavior, before Keith ends up closing the last of the distance.

Rolo’s race needs less sleep than humans. Once they’re finally together it basically becomes a battle for Keith to either choose to go to sleep together or wake up together. Keith chooses to do both anyway sometimes.

Both work in humanitarian aid efforts after the war.

I think that hits the highlights. Hope this satiates! And hopefully I'll finish the next Roleith piece sooner than later lol

[viamia]

Quick question.

how would the snaccpop boys react to the mc cheating on them? accidentally or not.

I imagine some crying...

Wooow, this got sad quick, I'm not a fan of the topic but I'll try my best.

Snaccpopstudio boys and their reactions to cheating.

Tw: Mentions of cheating, angst, and overall sad topics. If you are uncomfortable with any of these topics, pls redirect yourself away from this.

Jack: OK, when I tell you he doesn't take it well, HE DOESN'T. Man isn't letting some rando take his sunshine away from him. EVER. He'll mentally torture your new "lover" and make sure you're his and his only.

Ian: he's heartbroken. Crying in his room, texting you, leaving you voice mails asking if he was not good enough for you, what can he do to be better and so forth. He just wants you back in his life.

Nick:He's honestly disappointed in himself for thinking you truly cared. He thinks you were only with him cause of his work and not for him. He's upset, but he doesn't rlly show it in my opinion. He just silently cries himself to sleep, having his dogs comfort his broken heart.

Shaun:He'll try to play off his heartbreak by being all dramatic, but in reality, man is SHATTERED. You were basically his soul mate in his eyes. He feels betrayed and like you never cared about him in the first place.

Bo:BO IS HELLA PISSED. Man ain't having none of that. Immediately, he's gonna find you and take you back for himself. Once he finds your new (bouta be past tense) partner, it's in sight. He'll make sure you'll never leave him again. Your his.

Taylor: Taylor is crushed when he finds out. You and him were supposed to be a dynamic duo, a power couple hunting ghosts and all, but you went behind his back and got with someone else. He'd really miss your adventures together. He'll miss you immensely and probably won't be able to get over you for a good while.

Elias:he feels so betrayed, just as betrayed when Violet slashed his neck and murdered him. He genuinely loved you and wanted to have a wonderful life with you and have a fulfilled wedding, but I guess he'll never get that will he?

I am SO SO SORRY took way longer than normal. I haven't really been in the mood for doing hcs, so I was a little off the tempo. I'm going into high school next week, so I'm nervous and a tad stressed. So if I'm not as active, that's why. Plus, I'm not rlly a fan of these kinds of hcs so I kinda avoided it for a bit. Srry to keep u waiting

[fantasy-relax]

Please just love her

Part 1 Part 3 Part 4

Maybe I will write faster if someone draw some of their favorite scenes. Anyway there you go @crispyfriedchikem with your favorite Spices.

"Could you tell me how we ended up together?"

Yes Bela tell them the beautiful way of how you ended together. Afterall you know how much they love fairytales.

"I'll tell you after eating, okay?"

"Okay sweetheart."

The comforting smile you sent her before she left the room only fueled her guilt.

What was she going to tell you?

While she continued preparing the food, she planned what she was going to tell you.

She needed help at the council and you eagerly offered for a distraction.

You were willing to kill yourself working and she took advantage of that.

Over time the two began to get closer and became friends.

She was hungry for attention and clung to you like a leech.

You helped repair her relationship with Daniela.

What do you think Daniela is going to do after she finds out what you've done to her best friend?

You helped her recover something very important to her.

Just something?  Are you afraid that they will treat you like crazy if you tell her the truth or do you just want to see how much you can hide?

You were a pillar of strength while she recovered from a...

Accident?

Mental breakdown?

Emotional breakdown?

From a mental breakdown due to the stress of her position as president and her poor relationship with her family.

Well! You listen to me when it suits you!

And one day she confessed to you, you accepted and they became a couple.

Hilarious like you arent a coward.

After a year together they made the extreme decision to get married.

Like every fairytale. Hey, where is the dragon?

Her mother didn't approve of you, and she didn't want to damage her relationship with her - with Daniela.

There's the dragon! But don't you forget someone?  What now you're the one who has amnesia?

So they got married secretly.

And the papers?  Oh, true!  They do not exist!  Like this relationship.

They decided to take a year to travel, a honeymoon.

Don't you also want to tell them about your passionate wedding night together?

And your accident happened.

And your miracle happened.

Yes, that will be the story.

You will be trapped in the iceberg of your lies in the ninth circle of hell.

Turning off the stove, she went to look for you in the room only to find you sleeping with the television on, seeing the calm on your face, memories of other nights returned to her mind.

It was two in the morning and Bela was woken up by your sobbing.  Quickly getting up from her bed, she approached your body that was wrapped in the sheet.

"Don't leave me, I'll be better, don't leave me, please "

You couldn't find peace even in your dreams.

Bela knew about your nightmares, Angie and Daniela had told her that after the fourth month that Cassandra was gone you started having nightmares that left you emotionally destroyed.  To the point that you preferred to avoid sleeping by drinking energy drinks, spending the nights studying or working in order to keep your mind busy.

Bela knows that she shouldn't, that it's not her place but your crying broke the heart that you had given her back.  She delicately sat on the bed and held you in her arms, ignoring the satisfaction it gave her to feel how you clung to her.  Singing softly she caressed your back, she didn't stop even after your crying stopped and your breathing calmed down, she continued until sleep overcame her.

Without your memories, will you have nightmares again?  Will your subconscious give you fragments of your life back through dreams?

Looking at the clock she decided to take the opportunity to take a bath.

It's not like they can leave.  You are the only person they know here.

------------------------------------------

Are you sure Miranda returned your heart?

...

I mean, you have to admit, this isn't something someone who claims to love her family would do.

...

Not only are you betraying Cassandra, do you remember what Daniela asked of you?

...

'Take care of them, Bela.'

...I'm doing that.

By lying?

They said they didn't want to know anything about theater!

I didn't mean that and you know it.

...it just slip.

Did it just slip?  You could have told the truth but you continued to lie and continue to do so.

...I do it for them.

For them?  You can't lie to me.  I am you.  At least the part that still has morals.  You took advantage, saw that they were vulnerable and sank your fangs without thinking.

...

Cry all you want.

...

We both know you would do it again.

----------------------------------------

"Mc, Mc wake up, you must eat"

"Mmm? Oh, if when I wake up the first thing I see is you, I'll look forward to it every morning."

You loved how the slightest compliment turned your Romanian goddess red.  She looked so cute.  Maybe you didn't remember her but there was an undeniable warmth in your chest every time you looked at her and peace wrapped around you like a blanket when you were close to her.

What else could it be but love?

"Mc, hurry up, I'm hungry"

"I'm going I'm going"

On the way to the kitchen you noticed the tension in her shoulders but before you could do anything, she spoke first.

"The doctor said to start with light, easy-to-digest food." She moved the chair and motioned for you to sit down. You obeyed without hesitation.

Seeing the plate on the table, you felt nostalgic without knowing why.

Soup.

Maybe your beloved cooked often?

Taking a bite, a satisfied moan came out without you realizing it.

Delicious!

"You know how to cook, you are very capable and gentle and you can carry me without difficulty, I won the lottery with you without a doubt."

The blonde was covering her face with her napkin but you could see how red she had turned at your words.

"Thank you"

They ate in comfortable silence.  When finished, the blonde commanded you to sit in the living room while she cleaned.  God you couldn't wait for your arm to heal so you could help her you didn't want to be a burden on her.  Sitting next to you, the tension in her shoulders had returned. She took a deep breath before she spoke.

"As you already know, we met while you were touring the clubs, the student council caught your attention and you decided to join. We worked together a lot of the time and we became friends, you invited me to your movie nights and you helped me little by little repair my relationship with Daniela. "

"Were you on bad terms?"

"The relationship with my family... It's complicated, I can't even refer to my mother as such. I prefer to call her by her name. Daniela and I grew up together but after I went to school and then to university without her our relationship foundered ...And my other sister... I prefer not to talk about that."

A slight pain came from your chest but you ignored it, placing your good hand over the one of the blonde who had lowered her head, you gave it a gentle squeeze.

"I'm glad I helped you with Daniela, family should stay together above all else"

You'll know.

Bela didn't look at you but she squeezed back.

"Someone stole something very important to me and you helped me get it back, I sounded like a crazy woman and you still believed me, after that the stress of everything caused me a mental and emotional breakdown, I was a mess."

You stopped breathing for a moment when Bela finally raised her face and you could see in her eyes a sea of ​​emotions, there was love, adoration, gratitude, there were so many that you felt like you were drowning in them.

"And you stayed with me despite everything...How could I not fall in love with you?"

Her voice broke on the last sentence, the blonde let go of your hand to cover her face as if loving you was a sin she couldn't help but commit. Is her family homophobic or extremely religious?

"Bela.."

With her face covered she continued talking but her voice sounded distant... as if she were reading a script.

"You accepted my confession, we had barely dated for a year when we decided to get married, my mother didn't approve of you and my relationship with Daniela was barely improving, so we got married in secret, we left school to travel for a year, you had your accident and here we are"

The Romanian woman refused to lift her head or reveal her face.

"Bela"

Silence

"Bela look at me please"

She did and your heart broke in your chest as you saw the misery, guilt and pain on her face, you gently wiped away her tears and left your hand on her cheek.

"Nothing that happened to me was your fault."

The storm in her eyes only grew worse. And you knew that saying it next would only intensify it but you had to get rid of that doubt before continuing with this.

"I know this is difficult for you, however I must ask... If the love I felt for you does not return, if my heart chooses someone else, would you let me go?"

The anguish in the blonde's eyes devoured you, she closed them for a few seconds before opening them full of resignation.

"If that's what you want, yes"

Something told you that she would keep her word even though the fact ripped her heart out. You sighed with relief, that thought not leave you alone for second.

"Thank you, Bela."

You let go of her to stand up and grab the controller just to settle back down on the couch, motioning with your hand for her to lie down on your lap. The blue-eyed girl looked at you with confusion but she followed your orders like a puppy. You stroked her hair.

"How lucky that you are so easy to love"

Bela looked at you with surprise.

"I don't love you yet but what I feel in my chest can easily become love"

She got up enough to hug your torso, you suppressed the gesture of pain that the sudden action caused you. Her eyes shone with hope, leaning down a little you kissed her forehead and pushed her away, she relented and lay back down on your lap.

"Rest my dear, you have done enough for today"

Yes, falling in love with Bela was going to be something easy.

You were already halfway there after all.

[happybird16]

"Hey," his soft tone brings you to awareness, followed by the sound of the bedroom door opening further. A light rattle of the metal handle, the soft drag of hardwood against carpet. "You're still in bed?"

His feet pad across the carpet to your side. You grumble, peeling your eyes opened to squint at the dark haired man. "Bad brain day," you grunt, quickly closing your eyes again and pressing your face back into the pillow.

You must be a mess, hair all twisted and knotted from tossing and turning. Laying on your stomach, the bedsheets are all twisted and tight around your legs. The bed tilts sharply as Levi sits by your side, hip close to your shoulder. Placing an arm by your side, he hovers worriedly over you. "Another headache.." he murmurs softly. You turn to face him, peeling your eyes open to meet his softened gaze.

"The light hurts," you groan. Even the darkness of the bedroom feels like knives stabbing into your eyes. Levi frowns, brows drawing up. He presses a thumb to your temple, working the digit into the lines of your furrowed brow, up across your forehead and between your brows, slowly soothing away all the stressed wrinkles.

"Shhhh," he soothes softly. He speaks quietly, immediately considerate of your aching skull. Your eyes flutter closed at the soft touch. "A migraine then. Have you taken anything for it?"

"No," you admit with a sigh. His frown deepens even further at your admission. "Didn't want to move."

He clicks his tongue, thumb dragging slowly across your cheek. "I'll grab something. Close your eyes again, i'll be right back."

Burying your face back into your pillow, you mutter a quick thanks. He pats your hair softly before rising. His socked feet cross the carpet even quieter, careful, almost gliding away.

The next thing you know, the mattress is tilting again, Levi's outer thigh pressing to your shoulder as he sits back down. A pill bottle rattling softly in one hand, a fresh glass of water in the other, Levi urges you to sit up. "I brought Ibuprofen. Drink the whole glass too, it'll help."

Your head is pounding, but you follow his direction. Taking the proffered glass, you press it to your forehead for a brief moment, soaking in the cool relief, before knocking back a couple of tablets. "Thanks again," you press yourself to his side, keeping your eyes closed as you press your head into the skin at his neck. Even the little bit of light filtering through the closed blinds hurts.

"It's nothing," Levi presses a quick kiss to your forehead. He lives for providing acts of service to his loved ones -family and friends- you know this, but still you always been like a burden whenever your brain betrays you. Levi's arm falls across your back, fingers pressing into the small of your waist and pulling you close to his side. "Have you eaten anything today? Or drank anything?"

"Mmmmgn," you whine, knowing he's going to be unhappy with your response. "Haven't really moved."

Levi clicks his tongue, softly petting the back of your head. His fingers thread into your hair, working tight circles into your scalp. "That's not good, you know that right? You need to remember to eat."

"Look whose talking," you chime back, pressing a quick kiss to his neck. Already your head feels lighter, your thoughts unfogged. You frown, "Sorry for being a bother."

"Hey," you can feel the depth of his frown through your hair. Levi often forgets to eat when he's particularly busy, simply not noticing the sharp aches of hunger pains. "We help each other, remember?"

"Yeah," your eyes flutter, head pressing heavily against his shoulder. "We're a team."

You end up spending the next hour with your head in his lap, the bedroom lights still off and his fingers working diligently into your scalp. You fall back asleep, right there, nose pressed into his thigh. When you wake up, you feel brand new, refreshed, and Levi has a light meal prepared for you.

[hotteoki]

relationships with txt as negative tropes

pairing: ot5 txt x reader (no pronouns used)

genre: angst, breaking up, lovers to exes

cw: none afaik (not proofread)

wc: 1.5k

taglist [open] - @weird-bookworm @junebug032

please consider reblogging as it boosts writers' works!

©️ gyusangels | do not repost

yeonjun (연준) - INSTA LOVE

insta love : giving up anything and everything for love before actually finding out anything about them

"yeonjun, don't you get it? you don't love me, you never did!" you ran a hand through your hair. you had been debating having this conversation with him for a while now, and now that it is finally here, you regretted bringing it up in the first place. "what are you talking about? of course i love you!" he was visibly confused. wasn't everything okay? why were you suddenly claiming your relationship wasn't working?

"you text me and bring me on dates and all, but let's be honest. we've been together for a few months and you know nothing about me," you explained, stressed. you hadn't prepared for this conversation and you were sure it was going to end in tears. "that's not true," but even he sounded uncertain of himself. "really? when's my birthday?" you crossed your arms. "i- i don't-" yeonjun stuttered, racking his brain, yet nothing came to mind. "see?" you held back your tears, "you're not the only one to blame though, i don't know much about you either."

yeonjun sighed, defeated. he knew you were right. "we only love the idea of each other, maybe after a few years later, when we're not so eager to get into a relationship just to prove other people wrong, maybe we'd work out," you rubbed your eyes, feeling a stray tear roll down your cheek involuntarily. "so what does this mean?" yeonjun's voice was barely above a whisper. "i don't know," you allowed his arms to wrap around your form, "i don't know."

soobin (수빈) - STAR-CROSSED LOVERS

star-crossed lovers : any lovers whose affection for each other is doomed to end in tragedy

"we've decided that a relationship between the two of you is just not possible at the moment, not when both your groups are right at the peak of popularity. a single hint of your relationship and it'll all go crumbling down," your manager crossed his arms, a serious tone lacing his words. "but surely, if our success never drops, and say we'll be in the eyes of the media for years, that would mean..." soobin trailed off, eyes darting to you. "look, i'm sorry it has to be this way," his manager sighed, unhappy with the situation as well.

"it's really unfortunate, but that's the life of an idol," your manager responded blatantly. "he's right, though," you murmured, "we shouldn't let our relationship affect our members, it's not fair on them." the managers, sensing they were overstepping a private conversation, stood, "we'll let you two have some time." once you and soobin were left alone in the room, he broke down into tears, taking you in his arms.

"it's not fair." you sniffled, "i know." "it's not fair," soobin repeated, resting his chin on your head. "we don't have another choice," you tried to stay strong, knowing as soon as you allowed one tear to drop you wouldn't be able to stop crying, but your wavering voice betrayed you. "i'll always love you. one day, i'll find you again, i swear on it," soobin said firmly, leaving no room for disagreement.

beomgyu (범규) - UNREQUITED LOVE

unrequited love : love that is not openly reciprocated or understood as such by the beloved

"you said you'd get over him." you forced your eyes away from him, "i said a lot of things, dayeon, and so did he." she sighed, hating to see her best friend wallowing over the boy who refused to contact or even acknowledge your existence after a spontaneous night where he called you, claiming he had developed a huge crush on you for months, leading to an all-nighter of a series of flirting back and forth from the both of you.

"i don't know what happened between you guys that night, but you can't dwell on it forever. it's been almost a year, and he's about to get a girlfriend too," she paused, following your returning gaze on beomgyu and kazuha, sitting a little too close for your liking, "he only called you because he was craving for something to feel, or maybe because it was midnight, you know? the time when your emotions are at their most vulnerable. and i think you know this, deep down, you just don't want to admit it yet, you're still hoping that eventually, something will happen between you two again, but the harsh truth is, nothing will."

you swallowed thickly, choking back the lump threatening to jump up your throat, "i know, dayeon, trust me, i know. it still hurts, though. how he can just move on like nothing happened? like he didn't play with my feelings and practically confess his dying love for me. he made me embarrass myself in front of him, all because he felt like it." you continued to stare at beomgyu, praying that even for a second, he would turn to catch your eyes, understanding your desperation and need for him. he never did.

taehyun (태현) - RIGHT PERSON, WRONG TIME

right person, wrong time : when two people who are supposed to be together aren't

"i love you." you stopped stirring the hot chocolate you held in your hands. oh how long you'd been waiting for taehyun to say those very words. years of thinking you were never enough for him, never standing a chance after seeing his girlfriends come and go. you weren't even sure when you had started loving him, to be honest. the heart palpitations and shaky hands whenever his fingers brushed against yours seemed to have lasted for as long as you could remember.

but it didn't feel right. it didn't feel right when he was just about to celebrate his four month anniversary with yujin in a few days. you sighed, "no you don't taehyun." "no but i do. i have for the past two years. i kept trying to get girlfriends to get over you, but none of them ever made me feel the way you feel," he paused to wait for your reaction. when you gave none, he continued, "i never told you because i thought you didn't like me back, i thought it was just me."

"well, at least you know how i've been feeling for the past, probably five or six years," you laughed humorlessly. "six?" taehyun paled. "yeah, six." there was a silence. "well, i mean, we can try now, right? we can-" "no, taehyun, just, no. you can’t leave yujin for me, it’s not fair for her," you refused to look him in the eyes, even when he approached you, his figure drawing closer and closer from your peripheral view. "so you won’t even try?" taehyun sounded defeated. "maybe in the future, but, just… not now. you can’t sacrifice one person’s feelings for another, it’s not fair on either." his form slumped, "yeah, you’re right."

huening kai (휴닝카이) - THE 'I LOVE YOU' STIGMA

the 'i love you' stigma : when love is not returned because the word "love" makes the recipient uncomfortable

"kai," you called for his attention from the bed. he hummed, turning his head while his eyes were still fixated on his set-up screen. you hesitated, nervous about his response. kai finished shutting off his game, switching the device off before making his way to sit next to you, "what's wrong?" "i know what i'm about to say is going to sound so, immensely, selfish, but i don't think i can keep it to myself any longer."

he took your fidgeting hands in his, smiling warmly at you, "i doubt that." it was times like this when you wished life worked the way you wanted it to. "i don't," you began, breathing in deeply, gathering up all the courage you have, "i don't think you love me the way you think you do." kai's grip on you loosened slightly as he seemed taken aback, "what?" you played with the edges of your blanket, "i just, i have a feeling that you think you love me the way a boyfriend would, but you're actually not even sure of the concept of 'love' in general."

"what made you think this?" he finally asked after careful consideration. "i don't know. i mean, i feel like you treat your friends the same way you treat me, and whenever i show a bit of love to you you just kind of stiffen up and avoid me for a while. i get that maybe i can come across as overbearing, but-" "hey, no, it's not like that," kai insisted gently, "i've just, i've never been in an actual relationship before, and i'm not used to the idea of someone actually, well, loving me." you nodded, a bitter tone lacing your words, "you have to love yourself first to love someone else."

[kirbybecomesastarwarrior]

What Kind of King is in my Blood?

Context: this piece was inspired by the song "In My Blood." sung by Joel Smallbone from Journey to Bethlehem (the movie). And contains the lyrics of the song.

Warning: content contains blood (mild) & implied physical abuse... the more graphic scenes to be underneath the keep reading section of the post... if you are uncomfortable with such things.

I've mentioned this before in a previous post & please check out the original video (have a listen: it's incredible). Or better yet, put it on while reading the comic. :D

I do suggest you read: Celestine is Merlin before this;

Young Arthur... was not a good person in the sightless and was very close to becoming a mini-Sir Uther. And I also would like to stress how evil Sir Uther is...(Uther is not Arthur's father, but the song just fits them so...)

Behind the arrogance and pride, his actions were a tie of wanting and seeking Uther's approval...

Other than that, please enjoy the content.

Background info: this takes place around the time Arthur starts to take a liking to Merlyn and even trust them (and before he found out Merlyn was Lady Celestine). Soon their game of cat & mouse blossomed into a friendship...

Celestine never put pressure on Arthur to change: in fact, she tried to save Nonsurat & Morgan, too... she'd put them in scenarios where she'd see them grow empathy. (Putting someone in another's shoes.)

She'd show them the damage the war was doing to the public... and the innocent.

Allowing them all the chance to do good but in the end...The only one who was receptive to it was Arthur. Which surprised her... she believed Arthur would be the last person who would be captivated by the lesson. (Since he was Uther's most loyal soldier... his right-hand man...)

When it was clear that the lessons were only effective for Arthur (and the only one who was willing to change), she started to tailor them for Arthur. Genuinely started by doing vigilante work with Merlyn and learning more about this "outside world he never knew about."

(Unbeknownst to these goobers these were pretty much the equivalent of dates.)

However, Arthur couldn't help but feel guilty that he was betraying his master (Uther). That all changed, however, after a certain mission...

Arthur & Company were tasked to clear a demon infestation of a cave. Which held serval rare artifacts that were stolen. Some of Nightmare's monsters had made it into a stronghold (a secret base), and Arthur was in charge of clearing it. Morgan tried to trap Arthur in the deeper, darkest part of the cave where the majority of the monsters were dwelling.

Thankfully, Celestine secretly tagged along with him!

It took them a week... to escape the cave ... everyone had started to assume that Arthur had died during the mission. He was about to report his return as soon as he arrived at the camp base until... he overheard a very upsetting conversation.

Sir Kay (Kit Cosmo): Sir Uther! Sir Arthur is still missing, we can't leave just yet...

Sir Uther: He's been missing for a week... we only have three days left on this planet, and we need to finish recovering the reset of the artifacts... our time & manpower is limited.

Kit Cosmo: It that's the case... I'd be more than willing to take a small team to recover him... heck, I'll even go there by myself if I have to...

Sir Uther: DID YOU NOT HEAR WHAT I SAID! I am not wasting manpower... are you questioning my judgment?

Kit Cosmo: NO SIR!* Nevourly but still firm* I just thought you'd press the issue more... he's our captain and, more importantly, your right-hand man-

Sir Uther: WHY do you think you have two other apprentices... he's replaceable...If he died out there then he's a failure that deserves to be left... DON'T NOT BOTHER LOOKING FOR HIM!

You're lucky I have more pressing issues to attend to or that right arm or yours would've been charred... This conversation is over! *leans into Kit menacingly* YOU'RE DISMISSED! *Kit lets out a big gulp and backs away out of the tent*

Little did they know Arthur & Celestine (Merlyn) were listening in on the conversation. With Celestine fuming... and with Arthur shaking...

Celestine (currently disguised as Merlyn): WHY THAT FAT HEADED TYRANT! Don't listen to him, you're- Arthur? *sees Arthurs gone* Arthur...

Arthur runs off to contemplate... his mind reeling from what he had just heard. He always knew that Uther saw him as nothing more than a tool. The title of the right hand was just merely a cover-up... a lie made by Sir Uther (that he was something to him). He always knew this, but he couldn't understand why this still hurt him so much.

Arthur, at his core... still just wanted to be praised and desperately wanted at least a shred of affection from Uther. Hearing this broke him instantly... and forced him to look inside himself. He may have always known it... but a part of him always wanted to believe in the lie... So he put this facade of pride and arrogance to ignore it.

Only realizing how much Uther took advantage of his desire for affection from him... allowing him (Uther) to mold him into what he wanted. The brilliant golden amor (that Uther gave him), was all part of the illusion... he was no hero... he was just a monster... just like his master... just like Uther...

This leads us to this scene...

-The key things I wanted to mention were those marks on Arthur's shoulders are burn marks...

-Those bubbles at the end represent Celestine's influence

-I featured a Kirby-sized baby Arthur with a little training armor... it's pretty much his inner child... Sweet little bean didn't deserve this

-I also updated Uther's shoes :3

At this point, Celestine already cares for Arthur so much, and he's already redeemed himself (in her eyes). But Arthur can't help but hate himself for his past actions now seeing the full picture...

He destroyed himself for a man... who would never care for him... Arthur couldn't help but feel ashamed. He felt so disgusted with himself... forgetting all the progress he'd made... Believing himself to be a worthless puppet...

And it broke her heart to see Arthur like this... that's why she reminds him of what she sees him as. And this is where Arthur finally breaks down his final wall and truly opens himself up. Celestine always saw Arthur as a more than worthy king and always saw the best in him... and that's why Arthur always saw her (in the future) as his queen...

"Did I put too much characterization to a background character we only saw for less than 5 minutes in the anime?" YES, I DID!

"Was it worth it?" YES IT WAS!

(In the KBASW) Sir Arthur is the one who approves and legitimizes the "Star Allies" because if someone like him could be changed for the better... why can't this rag-tag group. Sir Arthur (in a sense) is the first "redeemed villain"...

It just took one person to see the good in him... I really can't wait to explore their relationship (Celarthur) more... I have something special planned for them in February. And I do want to explore Kit Cosmo & Arthur's friendship: it's really fun~

(The Star Allies are going to be the equivalent of the Knights of the Round Table in KBASW, but I'll explore that later...)

Hope you all stick around to see how the story unfolds...

[hotheadrednecksimmer]

Don't Smile - Struck by Love Legacy Challenge - Season 2, Episode 13

It was the week of Christmas and Naomi hadn't bought any Christmas gifts for her family. Naomi and Bear went to the local shops to see if there was anything left that was good enough for her family.

As she reached the end of her shopping trip, she ran into a familiar face, Leo.

Leo: Oh, hey stranger!

Naomi could feel her cheeks heating up being near this man that she had such a real dream about, of course he couldn't know about the dream, but she felt like he could see right through her. Naomi spoke: Hey, how's it going?

She tried her hardest to sound like she was stressed, or excited that he was here.

Leo smiled at her: Sorry that I ran out without saying anything, I had to get to work and I didn't want to disturb you. You looked so peaceful.

Naomi was shocked by his statement, had he been thinking about how he treated Naomi during the hookup? Naomi: Don't worry about it, didn't hurt my feelings. She lied.

Leo's smile falters for a second, if Naomi wasn't paying attention she could've missed it, Naomi thought this was strange. Leo: I didn't get your number either, I mean if you wanted it.

Naomi's heart picked up, she wasn't expecting him to react like this to her. Naomi: I mean sure yeah, more friends the merrier, am I right?

Leo: Yeah, friends. Here's my number.

Leo and Naomi exchanged phones to put their information in the others. When Naomi received hers back, his name had a little heart next to it, her heart was a traitor and fluttered again.

Leo: I was actually about to head in for a bite to eat, you wanna join me?

Naomi: I was gonna grab dinner here too, they are one of the only places around here that allow dogs inside.

Leo: Really? I didn't know that! Let's grab a table.

The pair plus Bear head inside the restaurant. They grabbed a table and placed their order.

Naomi: So what brings you out here to Del Sol Valley? I thought you lived in the city with your brother?

Leo: Well, I accepted a job out here a few weeks ago and was making the trip, but Rhett, my brother, was able to afford the apartment on his own. With my new job I'd be able to afford a place on my own, so I got one up on the hill. It's about 15 minutes away from your place if I remember correctly.

Naomi shifted in her seat, feeling the heat rise in her cheeks and another body part that was betraying her as she remembered the night that her and Leo shared. Naomi: That's great that you got a new job! I've been pretty busy at my job as of late. My boss is putting pressure on me to learn another instrument other than Piano.

Leo: Is that something that interests you?

Naomi: Not really, but if it makes my boss happy then I'll do it. I'm just trying to make a living.

Leo: What do you want to do?

Naomi pondered his question for a bit, she wasn't sure. All she knew is that she wanted to make music, write songs, but strictly with Piano and her voice. She could not bring herself to learn yet another instrument. As much as she loved piano it didn't come easy to her. Naomi: I don't want to learn another instrument.

Leo: Then don't, tell your boss that. If you don't want to do something, then don't.

Naomi: That's not exactly how it works.

Naomi and Leo got caught up in conversation over their meal.

Leo: You busy after this?

Naomi did finish her shopping for her family, she didn't have anything planned after this and she had this need for him that she didn't understand. Naomi: No, I'm not busy. Just got to take Bear home for his dinner.

Leo: You want company?

Naomi couldn't stop herself before she was agreeing to this man. She seriously had to stop this before she became too attached. She knew that this was only going to end in one way, heartbreak. Yet, she still let him come over.

After some fun activities, Leo and Naomi cuddle in bed together. Something that Naomi didn't let herself do, yet another rule she was breaking for him. And this time he didn't leave.

╭┈◦•◦❥•◦ Season 1 | Season 2 First | Previous | Next

[angelst4re]

Stress Relief- Jamie Campbell Bower x Reader

this was requested by @mikqls0n :)

summary: after a long day at work, jamie helps you to relax

warnings: NSFW!! contains smut, if you're uncomfortable then please don't read my love <3

note: i feel like all the smuts i write at the moment are just the same thing over and over again... so when i post next week (if i can, i have a busy week!) i think i might spice it up a bit, i've had some requests that mention the bdsm page that jamie follows on instagram so... that's all i'll say for now!

You finally arrived home after a long day at work- correction, a 14 hour shift at work. You were absolutely exhausted, not to mention stressed. You had let Jamie know that you were on your way home, but as you were driving you didn’t get a chance to check your phone to see if he had messaged you back. 

As you unlock the door, you hear music playing softly from another room. You drop your bags by the door and leave them there as you hang your coat up before going to investigate. 

It was coming from the bedroom?

“Jamie?” You furrow your eyebrows, calling out to your boyfriend. 

“Yes, love?” He pops his head out of the bathroom, finding you stood in your room with a confused expression. 

“What’s going on?” 

“I thought maybe you’d like to come home to a nice warm bath, and some music. After the day you’ve had I couldn't expect you to come home and-”

“Are those rose petals?” You ask, pointing towards the trail that led to the bathroom. 

“Yes, now c’mon, the water will get cold!” Jamie smiled, reaching his hand out to you. 

You try to hide your grin as you take his hand, pulling you into the room with him. 

He smiles down at you, placing a kiss on your forehead before helping you to undress, starting with your jumper, your t-shirt, your jeans, your bra, your panties and finally you take off your socks before getting into the bath. 

“Why aren’t you getting in?” You ask Jamie, a hint of sadness in your voice. 

“I thought maybe you’d want some alone time… I can join you if you’d like, darling?” 

“Yes please.” You smile, shuffling forwards slightly in the bath, turning the hot water back on as Jamie was right, it had begun to get cold. 

He got in and seated himself behind you, his legs either side of your body. You shuffle backwards a little until you couldn’t get any closer, your head falling back to rest on his chest. 

“So, how was your day, sweetheart?” He asks, his fingers softly massaging your scalp as he holds you close to him. 

“Hmm, it was okay I guess. Julie was in so we went on our lunch break together to the new coffee shop that’s just opened. You should go when you get a chance, it’s much better than the one across the street.” 

“Really? I’ve heard good things about it too, maybe we could go tomorrow?” He suggests, one of his hands fall to your thigh. 

Your mind betrayed you, and you immediately became aware of how you could feel his cock agasint your ass as you basically sat in his lap. 

When you took a little longer to respond, Jamie noticed something was off. By the way your breathing got heavier, he knew you were turned on, so, being the asshole that he likes to be, he decided to tease you. 

“Are you okay, love?” He asks, his hand rubbing up and down your thigh, fingertips almost grazing your cunt as your thighs press together. 

“Yep!” You nod your head, reaching forwards for the body wash that sat on the side of the bathtub. 

“I don’t like it when you lie to me, baby.” He said, pulling you back towards him so his chest was pressed against your back. “Now be a good girl, tell me what you need.”

His words caught you off-guard and you felt your cunt pulse around nothing, your brain began to feel fuzzy as you opened your mouth to speak yet no words would come out. 

“C’mon, darling, use your words.” He smirked, his fingers dangerously close to where you ached for him. 

“I need you to touch me.” You managed to say, and you heard him chuckle. 

“I am touching you, darling.” He says, and you roll your eyes. 

“Jamie, please.” You whine, “I need you,” you take your wrist in his hand, “to touch me,” you guide his hand to your cunt, spreading your legs a little further, “where only you can touch me.” 

His fingers run up and down your folds and you finally let go of his wrist, throwing your head back, resting on his shoulder. 

“Like this?” He asks, his index finger finding your clit, teasing small circles onto the nub. 

“Just like that.” You say, relaxing into his touch and the warmth of the water. 

You feel his other hand come up to your breasts, taking one into his hand as massaging the flesh before giving your hardened nipple a firm tug. That, along with his finger working your clit, brought you close to your climax. You turned your head to the side, looking at your boyfriend before telling him, 

“I‘m close,” you panted, “please, can-”

Just as you think he was about to let you cum, he moved his hand away, earning a whine from your lips. You grab his hand again but he was stronger than you.

“Patience, love.” He chuckled, placing a kiss on your cheek, his hand lingering on your thigh. 

“Sorry.” You whisper, your eyes falling shut, feeling his hand sneak between your thighs again. 

You felt one of his fingers tease your hole, before slipping in with ease, earning a gasp from you. 

He pumps his finger in and out slowly, leaving you squirming in his lap, wanting more. 

“It’s okay,” he said, “I’ve got you, darling.” 

His thumb went back to your clit, rubbing circles slowly, matching the pace of his finger. 

You let out a moan as you feel a second finger slip into you beside the first one, he curls them up in a ‘come here’ motion, brushing the pads of his fingers against the spongy spot inside you, causing you to see stars. 

“Fuck.” You pant, screwing your eyes shut, biting down on your bottom lip, “you feel so good, shit- don’t stop, please don’t stop.” You practically begged, your nails digging into his thigh. 

“It’s okay, baby. Let go for me, cum around my fingers. You look so pretty like this, my pretty little slut, hm?” 

“Yes.” You panted, your heart thumping in your chest, “fuck, yes!” You whimper, your thighs trembling as the white hot sensation overtakes you, spreading through your veins like electricity as you finally come undone, burying your face in Jamie’s neck. 

He works you through your high, his fingers finally slipping out of you when he could tell you had enough. He holds you close to him, running his fingers through your damp hair as you try to regulate your breath. 

After a few moments in this comfortable silence, Jamie moves slightly to look at you. 

“I think we should get out, darling. The waters gone cold.” He says, smiling softly at you. 

You nod your head and move over a little, allowing him to step out of the bath, taking one of the big fluffy towels he had gotten out and wrapped it around his hips. He took the other one and placed it on the drawers before helping you out of the bath, your legs threatening to collapse beneath you. 

You had expected to come home after work and sit in bed with a book to relax, to try and forget about the day you had- but Jamie’s way of helping you relax seemed to have worked much better, as when you got into bed you fell asleep almost instantly, in the arms of your boyfriend.

[mariamariquinha]

Bossa Nova (Benny ‘Borracho’ Magalon x f!reader) - Nine

Eight | Ten

Summary: The LASD couldn't sustain its reputation as an honest police officer if it tried hard. In that case, no one tried.

Word count: 9.695.

Warnings: Bad words, talks about corruption, talks about sexism and racism, mentions of oral sex, mention of drug crimes, violence and other things related, strip clubs, sex workers, use of weed and... did I say sexism?

Author’s Note: I think this got a lot more personal than I thought, so I'm sorry if anyone has family members within the LASD who aren't corrupt - this isn't about them. This chapter doesn't have much romance, I'll warn you right away, but it's an important progression in the main characters' relationship. Give it a try!

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!

Join my taglist! Don’t forget to reblog, comment and like! As always, I would love to know what you’re all thinking! ❤

****

You didn't like your mother very much, but you definitely loved her. She was your mother, after all, and even though you knew you wouldn't be friends with her if you had that choice, you would love her like you love something because that's how it should be. You didn't think it was an obligation, and she didn't treat you badly, but there was always that feeling that because you were the first kid, she tested the options so much that she left you an arm's length away, and if it were different it would be weird. 

Again, you understood. She was your mother.

When you had the whole context of the divorce, she always came with comments. She noticed your house, your clothes, your silence; she insisted that Theodore say something, that he apologize, and you had to be definitive for it to stop.

But she was your mother. 

Emma didn't say things because she didn't like to commit, but you knew when she betrayed that direct opinion that your mother had about everything. It was like something mirrored, that instead of loud voices and cigarette smoke, you received a calculating coldness in sudden, discreet and passive comments. So you didn't confront her because, well, she wasn't your mother.

You knew you were on the edge since the situation with Ballard – so did she. And before all of that, there was the snickering, the ‘are you sure you are okay?’ with condescendent tone, the ‘maybe you should take some days off’ with a hint of a joke. You knew her and you knew each one of those mannerisms. 

Isla's situation wouldn't have grow so much in you if it weren't for the daily stress of things, yes, but it was the comment that Emma made when she went to ask you about Gina that made you stop, look and make sure you had actually heard that.

“I mean, look what getting close to Nick did to you. You weren't like this when you were still married.”

You weren't even talking about that – you had taken days to redo the work on the report, you were barely sleeping and honestly nothing she was saying had reached your ear until that moment. For her, it was another comment that you would ignore, another small micro-aggression that would pass, so she continued typing on the computer and the weight of the air in her office seemed to fall solely on you.

“... I beg your pardon?” 

She glanced at you and went back to the computer screen. 

“Yeah, you know. Women tend to rely on male powerful figures when in lack of it. Freud said something about it, didn’t he?”

“Emma, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

That did catch her attention. She backed away, then saw your offended expression and actually turned to you, alert.

“I’m sorry if I said something wrong,” And even that sounded wrong. 

“It's not just that, you're acting like an idiot to everyone here! Walsh treated me like an idiot and harassed me, which you glossed over and blamed on me. Gina was concise and conscientious about finding out about Isla and Nick because it would sink the Department, and you did nothing. What is that?” 

Emma hesitated. With a lick of her lips, she probably calculated that being all about ‘I’m wrong, right?’ wouldn’t work, so she took her time. 

“... I’m thinking of what’s best for you. Protecting your integrity for what it’s to come.”

“And what the fuck is to come? Tell me, Emma, what is it? I-” You took a deep breath. “Do you want to know? I don't want to know. I really don't want to. Whatever shit you or Magalon are warning me about in fucking code, I don't want to know.” 

“What did Magalon tell you?”

“I feel like I'm talking to my ex… Have you heard what I said before?” You pressed, getting on your feet with a huff of frustration. “Make a fucking decision Emma, ​​just… Make a fucking decision. And don't ever disrespect me like that again.” 

****

“My husband was a member of the group.”

Isla had a calm voice despite the context in which she was inserted. There were no handcuffs on her wrists or a guard inside the room; everything was done very smoothly. Her lawyer was there, tho, and he was sending Zapata some glares while they talked. There was a palpable tension in the air, as if a black cloud of violence or distortion hung within that interrogation room.

Really, you shouldn't even be there, watching. Henderson was sitting to one side as he watched through the glass the conversation Zapata and Emma were having with the woman, and that should be enough for them. Even so, it was Emma who suggested that you participate indirectly, as if using a petty way to see if you were really immersed in the work like you said. 

According to the file, Isla was of Albanian origin. The parents were immigrants and ran a small textile business in Coney Island, but they weren’t anything but a fast topic of conversation. The features of her face, such as the more rounded nose and the full face, were soft, even if her lips were dry. She was in a wheelchair, her arm had a bandage. 

Looking at it that way, she didn't look so much like Debbie. Maybe their comparison was in the attitude: the two seemed equally taken by a feeling that hovered only in Nick. One that you didn't know what it was and that maybe nobody could put their finger on.

She spoke of everything. Kosovo, her relationship with a man named Oliver Clark, her marriage and children – Selim, with 5, and Dafina, with 9. 

You just noticed that Nick entered the room when you smelled his cologne. Bad smell, as always, enough to break any serious moment with that fragrance. You couldn’t help but make a face, pinching your nostrils once and clearing your throat. He ignored you, of course. Benny appeared right behind him with two cups of coffee – you two shared a brief look.

“We have the search warrant,” He said to everyone in the room, eyeing the scene in front of you with a stern face. “I also got WPP.”  

A little late for that.

“Anything important?” Took you time to understand that the question was directed to you. When the silence became too much, you turned to him and saw everyone staring. 

“... Nothing I didn't already imagine. I'll have better luck when I have the equipment,” You leaned over the table, just a touch, and read the notes you’d taken. “Leica M6 35mm, Pentax K1000 and… Nikon 35 Ti. Analog. This Leica is a rarity, I think it was the one she used for the Long Beach homicides.”

“Couldn't it have been someone else?” Henderson asked. 

“Is that just a stupid question or do you want to make sure we've tested all options?”

“Both. So?” Nick pressed, arms crossed and nothing but harshness on his tone. 

You observed him for a beat, considered your chances there. 

“... The Leica is from the beginning of the last century, like, the 30's to the 50's. At least this model she said she has. In addition to being rare, not everyone nowadays can handle it because the resources are basically mechanical. It would be an absurd coincidence, which is not quite the case.”

“We've dealt with coincidences before.”

“Well, you would know the truth better than anyone.”

O’Brien didn’t answer. You rolled your eyes, going back to the notes before giving Isla another look. 

“How long has she been doing this?” The question was kind of thrown up in the air, as no one dared to answer. You glared at them, specifically at Nick, who huffed in annoyance before saying something.

“Two years.”

“And the case landed in your lap…” You said. “It seems that you really work with coincidences.”  

Again, no answer. Feeling like you couldn't get from point A to B with anyone there, you jotted down some more information on paper and stretched your back, rolling your shoulders.

“It will be manual stuff then. They’ll have to look at each negative.”

“If it can be done then I don't see a problem.”

“It's a good opportunity to tell me anything else I don't already know,” You conceded, voice contained to prevent any progression there. It was like swallowing a fucking lamp. 

Everyone was quiet when they heard Isla speak again, attentive as they watched every detail of the story that should no longer be news to Nick's ears. You were so concentrated that the noises of chairs dragging on the floor didn't even call your attention. Someone said something, the door opened and closed, and suddenly there was a cup of coffee right next to you.

Benny tapped the lid twice.

“Decaf,” He mouthed discreetly before retrieving his proximity and leaving the room. 

You and Henderson shared a glance, but he didn’t say a thing. You two were busy anyway. 

****

Benny didn't have a very organized routine, but he could count how many times he thought about you after that shitty lunch: two.

1. That coffee wasn't for you, but he thought of you when he noticed that the Starbucks server had made the wrong order. It was kind of spontaneous. Suddenly you were there, at the front of his mind, like you were hovering around and ready to just emerge. He put it there, left the cup as if saying ‘you can have it if you want, but if you don’t it’s fine’. No one brought the subject up.

2. Nick had gone to the store to meet an informant and someone, probably Connors, saw a familiar figure at the register when they entered. Benny knew it was Murph who commented, but he saw Zapata turn his head to look at the guy.

“Do you know who he is?”

“Who?” Benny frowned, unaware of the commotion. He turned his head, saw the dude standing there staring at his phone – like a normal person. 

“This is Theodore Park, our trouble girl's ex.”  

There was only one person Connors called ‘trouble girl' and it wasn't usually the kind of comment that came from beyond the grave. However he recognized the guy, whether it was a run-in at office parties that Benny barely attended or some private investigation that bordered on a stalker personality from Murph’s part, it seemed to be true. When Magalon looked back again, Theodore Park was gone.

The second time, then, he discovered who your ex-husband was while listening to what seemed like irrelevant information to the investigation. In the midst of Nick's reticence and failures, Theodore Park was the object of his interest. 

He was tall compared to the 5'7 that Benny was. Maybe 6'2, compared to O'Brien. There were some university articles about him (three paragraphs at Berkeley, two large PDFs at CSULB that he didn't read, and good references at Caltech) and he seemed successful with an information systems company or something. Benny could never speak properly about these things because he was never interested; as long as he had a phone that worked, he knew how to use the most intuitive social media and that was it. But not Theodore, no. The guy was a successful man in that aspect, indeed. A rich guy on the way. Without much effort, Benny would see this dude doing TED Talks and making Forbes in a few years. Which had nothing to do with him, or what seemed like your type of guy. If Theodore was on one side of the spectrum, Benny was on the other in every way.

Still, Magalon didn't do much with this information. There wasn't much he could do with it anyway.

It was only later – days later – when they had agreed to go to a 'club' to 'decompress', that he found himself thinking about you for the third time. 

Earlier that day, he saw you talking to Lennon over what seemed like conventional pleasantries between friends. You were wearing jeans, both hands in your back pockets as you paid attention to something that was being said. Your usual lab coat was gone, probably because Benny could clearly see that your shirt was tighter, had a wider bust and the position of your arms gave a subtle view of your breasts. Nothing indiscreet, because you weren't indiscreet. That outfit, however, made Benny have a sudden indiscreet thought, and it stayed in his head all day. 

He hadn't looked for you anymore – he hadn't had the chance to do that. Things escalated and suddenly there he was talking about how similar he was to Nick, pushing you away with a passive behavior that clearly pissed you off. You didn't even react, which he understood as full acceptance of the fact that he was an asshole, as if that was the one thing that Benny and a technology nerd like Theodore had in common: being a scoundrel. You treated him as always, even though what had already happened between you should have been enough for that 'always' to change.

It was sad. He really was starting to like what you two started to have. 

The girl standing next to him was called Lindsay. She sat down, started a conversation; they talked very little. Lindsay was wasted, not even bothering to clean the traces of cocaine from her top lip and nose or the way her eyes were dark. Benny asked if she wanted to go home and another friend, named Tracy (or Tara), who was visibly lucid, said it was a good idea. He paid for the taxi, made sure they got into the car safely, and discreetly showed the driver his badge. Like any other night.

He watched the taxi disappear down the street, then, on the other side, the movement of cars on that side of the city. It was late summer and the breeze of the change of season was a sure sign of the arrival of autumn, so he felt the wind hit his face. 

Benny didn't go back up to the hotel room with the guys. He handed the parking pass to the usual guy, got in the car and headed home.

No, not like any other night. That time, Benny felt another wave of what someone once said was a ‘midlife crisis’.

****

You weren't a fan of bathtubs. Well, you had one, but it was that kind of thing that was borrowed into your life, shoved down your throat because it wasn't so bad after all. Just like the coffee table you had before. And the kitchen window you always hated. And the kind of lamp that lasted so little but, look, it was chic. So like all things, which seemed to be the biggest provocation that accompanied a 'gift' from a big son of a bitch, or a reminder of how there was a sense of ease in making your life miserable, you enjoyed it.

Something like that. 

You had plans to get rid of each of these things soon, because all in all, the financial part of your life was also complicated. A visit to the bank, a mortgage proposal, expenses for the large yard and the last remnants of your student fund. You looked through apartment websites for sale and just that idea left you incredibly depressed because, on top of everything else, you were a crybaby who lost the comfort of a husband who paid most of the household bills. And not to mention the job, because… damn, the fucking job. It had been days since you closed your eyes and saw Nick, Isla, Emma, ​​Ballard, Mathias; what kind of fucking burnout was that?

So that night, when your heels were swollen and your back was sore, you allowed yourself a few minutes of privilege. Bath salts, then the heat of refreshing water and, among other things you haven't done in a long time, you felt a little sorry for yourself, felt like Emma did you so fucking wrong and you needed to be put in a victim’s place for a while. 

Connors had posted a photo with the guys on Instagram – you saw it by chance, one hand resting your head on the edge of the bathtub and the other scrolling through your phone. ‘bday party w/ the fella 🔥🔥🔥’, with Benny below his arm in what looked like a half drunk pose, in what also looked like a strip club in the background. You stared at it for a moment. Then another. Then another. There were easy smiles, joyfulness, even happiness; like it was just a standard day, as if the world was okay as soon as the first beer landed on their tables. 

There was never a question with them, a doubt. It was as if, arbitrarily, the main characteristic of a cop wasn’t useful for them to become the ideal professionals that everyone thought they were. There is no need for moral duty, responsibility and care, as proof that the world, in itself, was also not moral, responsible and careful. 

That was it. It was this pain, this itch, that disturbed you, because you knew that no questions were directed at Theodore when things ended. He, above the law, with money in his pocket and a successful career ahead of him, didn’t receive any dirty looks for having cheated on his own wife, who in turn would, in fact, receive condescending comments, pats on the shoulder of comfort and an unfair response from a boss, who attributed your problems to the great evil of having lost an idiot husband. That was what you always hated the most. 

Before you could put down the device, the screen changed theme: Benny was calling. It wasn't a text, it was a call. 

You hesitated before answering.

“... Yes?”

“Hey,” The other end of the line was clear, even if you presumed he was still in the club with the guys. “You busy?”

“Mm-hm,” You frowned. “Something happened?” 

“No.”

“... Ah.”

“Just wanted to check on you. You probably think that I’m a jerk right now.”

You lifted your torso and sat in the bathtub, more confused than you expected. For a beat you didn’t say anything. 

“You do.”

“No! No, I… I don’t think… anything. Why do you think that?” But he didn’t need to answer because you knew. “If that’s because we’re not doing anything, there’s no hard feelings. We’re just having fun, right?”

Benny sighed. 

“Yeah, we were.”

“So you don’t need to explain yourself.”

And before you could stop yourself, you added something else that made your eyes close in regret. 

“Things are kinda crazy right now.” 

You didn't want to go back to the atmosphere of that lunch. It wasn't your fault or his, but it was as if there was an external interference, a weight of your different ideals, even if they weren't in question at that moment. That's why you had convinced yourself to give it a chance, to go out with him in the first place: because it wasn't work. And suddenly you were stupid and brought it up as soon as he got in touch after so long.

“How’s Gina?” He decided to ask, which made you squirm in discomfort. 

“She’s fine,” You conceded. “Nick?”

“He’s good.”

Another pause. 

“... Well, I’m certain that you don’t want to talk about it.”

“I don’t, you’re right.”

“Yeah,” You let out a low embarrassed giggle, biting your bottom lip. “Neither do I.”

Another pause. You couldn’t hear a thing for the other side and, for a long stretched moment, it felt like you two were measuring each other’s breaths. 

“I didn't know it was Connors' birthday,” Which worked. Benny sighed in defeat, but it was better to talk about Murph’s ideas of parties than anything else. 

That was how fucked up the whole situation was. 

“We kinda did something. He always makes a big deal of that stuff.”

“You don’t?” 

“Nah, I’m old. Pushing closer to my 50s already. Whoever said middle age life for men it’s their peak, but that’s bullshit.” 

“If you were Telly Savalas, perhaps,” The teasing didn’t go unnoticed by him, who scoffed a laugh. It made you smile too. “So your party ended early.” 

“Couldn’t stay long there. My sister made up dinner because one of my nieces is going to college. Right now I’m sleeping in my old bathroom at my mom’s house.” 

“What, Benny Magalon still fits in his childhood bed?” 

“You know me enough to know how well I fit.”

Deep down, you realized that he didn't say that in a charming way to induce you into some kind of phone sex or something like that. He sounded a little indifferent, actually, and even lazy, as if that was what he should tell you because of the circumstances. You felt a certain relief when you noticed the tone in his voice, because you didn't feel up to it that day.

He moved on the other side, just like you.

“Are you gonna ask what I am wearing?” You teased with a small smile. 

“You’re naked. I heard the sound of water, so you’re in a bathtub.” 

“Aren’t you a smart detective.”

“Now who’s the one being a charmer,” He said.

“If I was, I would ask what you’re wearing.”

“I’m wearing sleep shorts.”

“Mm.”

“With no underwear.”

“Ooh, how sexy.” 

“Right.”

You two shared a quiet, peaceful laugh. You leaned back in the bathtub and rested your head on the edge of it, staring at the ceiling as you heard him moving again on the other side.

There was a hint of subtext, as if you wanted to say something and so did he, but no one knew how because it wasn't something as casual as a sexual joke or small talk. He called, after all, and if this was a failed attempt to 'relax', he had already made it clear that he wasn't very interested either. What was it, anyway? Should you bring up the subject of Isla? Should you two keep talking about this?

“Enjoy that bathtub for me,” Like a goodbye, voice and mind probably in another place. 

“I hate this fucking thing.”

“Enjoy it anyway. God knows it can give us a break. We all need it.”

“Yeah… Tell Connors I said happy birthday.” 

“Will not.”

You rolled your eyes and scoffed. 

“Good night, Benny.”

“Good night, gatita.” 

You abandoned the phone at the closed toilet seat as soon as the line was off, but you kept looking at the device for a while, as if waiting for something to happen or just expecting that sensation of unsaid things to go away. It shouldn’t hit you this hard – shouldn’t make you feel like things were simply falling apart. 

You just wanted to be sure for once that things wouldn’t be so difficult all the time. 

****

The first sip of coffee was distracted. When the taste hit your tongue, you immediately grimaced and threw the drink back into the cup, staring at the totally undrinkable dark thing.

Great. No good coffee as well. 

You wiped the corners of your mouth with your fingers and left the cup on the table, a little unsure whether you should throw it away or not. After little consideration, you just threw it in the trash can, massaging your eyes with the heels of your hands before taking a long breath. 

The break room was naturally busy in the morning, with people on double shifts and those who were arriving, like you, in and out of the tiredness of the end of the day with the beginning of another. Everyone was chatting amongst themselves, exchanging details about cases they were working on or the new bar that had opened nearby, so it was a bit strange that as soon as you rolled your shoulders to ease the tension, everyone turned their attention to a Lennon out of breath who entered the room with an urgent voice.

“Did you know?” That's all he said, then turning on the TV and stopping in the middle of the tables to watch it. You, who were further in front and close to the coffee machine, had to lift your head a little more to understand what was happening.

“Recognized for the successful work carried out on the Merrimen case, Los Angeles County Major Crimes, coincidentally on the day of the closure of one of the most intense operations carried out in the city and credited in its name, hands over the most recent drug trafficking case to the Drug Enforcement Administration, the DEA…” 

You could hear some gasps from your colleagues, murmurs and then shushings, so that they remained quiet and could listen carefully to what was there as if it wasn't obvious. After that, you just stared at the screen in disbelief, your brow furrowed and your hands outstretched at your sides. When they cut to the scene of the press conference in the building's press room, which appeared to have taken place not long before you arrived, you could only see Nick standing next to the sheriff, Walsh's team, and Mathias himself at the lectern making the announcement. 

Mathias's voice was a background sound, almost like an irritating noise in the silence of that room that seemed palpable. No commotion, no direct press releases, just a 'peaceful transition' (Walsh's words) to 'a more prepared and complete team' (also Walsh’s words), which indirectly could mean more than cutting spending by the County government but rather a nudge coward of someone who didn't have the balls to chest someone basically… male.

You felt a little bad about that. 

But, heavens, everyone thought that. And when Gina, of all those present, said mid Walsh's phony speech right after he highlighted the inefficiency of the forensic team (a part you only realized when he used the terms 'difficulty communicating with experts' and 'inadequacy expert with the magnitude of the case'), you blinked and saw her standing for herself, arms crossed and ready to fight.

“Nick does that fucking shit and we get the blame,” She said to the TV. 

Then you got hit by a huge wave of realization. Of Emma, of Benny, of the ‘codes’ they were using to talk with you, the alerts. You didn't imagine this had been shared with Gina, or with anyone else, but it sounded so premeditated that you felt a shiver of distrust.

No one there got caught up in it because they didn't have time, but everyone recognized the mechanisms and adapted to them. Neither you nor Gina whined much when the sheriff organized annual running competitions and didn't stay to reward the winning women; from what little you knew of Henderson, you didn't see him complaining, for example, about the fact that Nick always put him in for questioning black suspects, tapping him twice on the shoulder and saying 'you know what to do', but heavy in a condescending tone. Hell, you always saw the same ridiculous type of episode happening with Lennon as well. 

Taken back to reality by the commotion bubbling between your colleagues, you noticed Emma standing in the doorway as if she had sneakily appeared to observe the reactions and the two of you exchanged very tense silent looks. She didn’t look defeated, but averted your gaze as soon as it became just a staring contest. 

You turned to the TV – to the takes of Nick and the guys during the Merrimen case, then at their faces during the press conference. 

Huh. 

****

The atmosphere was burial-like, to say the least. You had spent the day in the lab, like a forced routine return, and it was as if no one had the balls to open their mouth and speak verbally about the subject. There were official emails from the DEA requesting evidence that had already been collected, reminders from Emma about other cases you were working on in parallel, one thing or another from Ballard (who didn't know how to create an email conversation and ended up answering each of your responses with a new email). There was a sepulchral silence from Major Crimes, but not the kind that left them untainted in the precinct's dome of recognition and social hierarchy – it was a shameful silence.

If you could bet on a collective concern, perhaps everyone was tense at the idea of ​​having been publicly exposed as incompetent, and if even the best team of detectives in the county had failed, there was no certainty of the stability of the Department's resources. This would not only make the LASD incompetent (or corrupt), but also incomplete.

You have a new text! You looked at the phone screen lazily, already expecting anything else, but when you saw who it really was, you couldn’t help but feel reticent and, at best, surprised.

****

“Is this your bat cave or something?” 

The door to the building's terrace always got stuck, but that was just one of the old or poorly working things in that place. Your comment was more to break the ice, to kill that sour mood after you stumbled to close the thing. You took a few steps closer to O'Brien and the others, the five of them sitting around in concrete boxes. 

“Was that supposed to be funny?” Zapata asked with a scowl, to which made you raise your eyebrows at the animosity.  

“I think so, but if you're offended I think I'm on the right track.” 

“You really are a bitch.”

“Tony-” Benny intervened. 

“Yo, there’s no need to-” Connors said.

“Yeah, Zapata, watch your fucking mouth,” Biting back wasn’t exactly the best idea, because you knew the spirits were agitated, but it was obvious that the context didn’t allow for that type of behavior against you. Everyone there knew that that reaction was the remnant of misdirected anger. 

You two shared a silent glare. Tony considered your face for a moment and you did the same; when Magalon pushed him to avert the attention, Zapata waved him off and walked away – you and Benny shared a small glance, one he soon ended to look at Nick, who watched the scene while lighting a cigarette. 

“We done?” He asked. 

“Don’t know, Nick, are we?” You sighed in defeat, sitting on a concrete support and looking anywhere but him. “You said it was important.”

“It is.”

“Is it about the case?”

“He used Isla. We think it had some internal interference.”

And so, being a somewhat literate person in the context of dealing with cops, you could see the pattern and tone of the conversation that had just begun: it was almost an interrogation. Everyone there, kind of around him, looking for the person who would go to the guillotine. It took a while, between the silence that followed, the way everyone (except Benny) was staring at you and Zapata's reaction so spontaneously explosive, but when you lifted your head and looked at that scene, connecting the dots, you frowned and felt truly offended. 

“Wow.”

“We need to be sure.”

“And it would be me for… what, exactly?” He didn’t answer, which made you scoff and giggle in disbelief. “Look, I know my friend wouldn't do that, but as any normal person you could ask Gina that, right?” 

“We did,” Henderson said. “We investigated and there was nothing.” 

“That means you investigated me as well?” 

You felt a pang of frustration greater than the outrage you were feeling. And despite the secret behind you and Benny, who shook his head, it was on him that you closed your eyes for a moment before looking back at Nick, who had his eyes downcast, scratching at the ground while blowing smoke from his mouth.

“You are all a bunch of fuckers.”

“You reacted to Isla,” O’Brien argued with a monotonous tone. “And you said I would be fucked if I messed with you again.”

“Because I’m a human being, Nick, the fuck.” 

No one said a word. There was this soft breeze flowing around, given the time of the year and the area where you were, one that you noticed that made their hairs flow and you shiver a little. If you paid close attention, you would see frustration and rage and that regular disappointment of a kid when they have lost a toy they like or are denied a candy. The loss, whatever it was, hurt for them but not for professional reasons but for honor. A very uncompensated and arbitrary honor, but an honor nonetheless. And it was always easier to blame someone else. You knew it was easy to make a calculation that would work for you because there would always be the feeling that you were impulsive, stubborn, even cruel – because men hurt you, because you still resent things in your personal life.

“I think it's common sense that almost no one here likes you very much,” You said in a low tone. “And we can agree that ethics and professionalism aren’t exactly the main pillars of what you do.”

Nobody said anything, because you were right. It was actually impressive that you managed to maintain a calm, almost soothing tone right after being basically accused of something so serious. Deep down, you felt that, at least, Nick didn't put much faith in this hypothesis, that this was a demonstration of power in front of others because his hands were tied and this was truly new to him. 

And you didn't ask what the plan was, what they were going to do next. You didn't care about that. No one needed to cry because they lost the case, it was obvious that it wasn't the first time this had happened – it certainly wasn't the last either.

Nick puffed some smoke out of his chest, eyeing you for a moment. Then, with a ‘tsk’, he huffed and crouched down, elbows resting on his eyes, making eye contact. 

“Someone reported the investigation to the Embassy. Walsh had us up against the wall as soon as you mentioned the fucking case in Long Beach because the bastard found out about her and me. I was exposed. I'm testing my options here and one of them includes the fact that you curiously knew that they were the same specifications in both cases,” He said. “Gina just found that out and spit to the whole fucking world to know. She’s not that dumb to risk herself to do so.”

“Yeah, but I am, because apparently it didn't occur to you that I was just good at my damn job. The fact that I knew about the pics was just a question of someone giving me a fucking clue?” You raised your eyebrows. “I got my degree and my master's at the same time, you son of a bitch. I don't need to suck anyone's balls to know how to do my job.” 

You two looked at each other. Nick was clenching his jaw, holding words in his mouth and turning them around enough so they could come back in a dry swallow. When he looked away first, blinking a few times, it was the first time you really saw genuine frustration, a moment of weakness that maybe, one day, Debbie had seen, or that the co-workers who were around him at the moment also witnessed in a rare way. 

Your brow was furrowed and you were truly confused and mad by this gap. Looking around, above O'Brien's head, you saw Zapata looking at the city below him with an annoyed look, his back to the two of you; Murph kept his hands in his hoodie pockets, Henderson had his arms crossed. Benny watched you, then looked at the ground, shaking his head. 

No, this wasn't about you, nor was it your fault – of course it wasn’t. In that context, you were just a part of the realization of something you hadn't touched until you saw every defeated feature on that rooftop. 

“... Are you sure?” You asked, blinking a few times with a shaky voice. 

Nick shook his head. 

“And you expect me to do something about it?”

“No,” He said with a firm tone, getting up on his feet. “No one here is sure. I figured you knew something since-”

“Since you thought I had something to do with it, yeah, I noticed,” It was directed to Tony, who just tsked and averted his gaze again. 

When everyone kept quiet, not daring to admit their mistake or even apologize, you were the one getting up, still not sure how to react and uncertain of how to end that conversation. 

“Never do that to me again, don’t-” You collected your voice, clearing your throat. “I never considered myself such a good person, but next to you I'm a fucking saint. I put up with a lot of shit from Walsh and Emma because of you, so shut the hell up before you dare think I'd change sides. If there is any side to this shit.” 

“I needed to be sure.”

“I hope you had all the answers you needed,” There was harshness in your tone, almost a fury. And surprisingly, he didn’t answer that equally. “And yeah, I’ll be honest, okay? You were a coward. I don’t like you. Go eat shit.” 

“It’s easy to say that after you put Benny in the middle of whatever it is you have with Walsh.”

“Listen now-”

“Excuse me?” You frowned, not even letting Magalon finish the interruption he was doing while getting closer. “I didn't ask anyone here to defend me! If this fucking case went wrong, try to consider your incompetence or the fact that no one asked you to fuck a suspect.”

When he kept quiet again, you scoffed, shaking your head. 

“It’s so easy, isn’t it? Walk around like you rule every place, do whatever the fuck you want, put the blame on everyone to feel better… Gina was right. You’re just like Walsh. Just like him.”

You nodded. 

“You always had all the tricks in hand and let a widowed single mother almost get killed by a gang. Curious of you to think anyone is responsible but you.” 

Turning your back, you walked away from him, already opening the door to leave the rooftop. Before you could, though, you eyed him one more time. 

“Whatever your plan is, when and if they ask me, I'll be sincere. About you and about her. Because I can do that.” 

“You would never say anything against Emma.”

The mention of her name, like an answer to your question, made you flex your fingers in anger. 

“... And I don't blame you for not believing that. It’s clear that it's been a while since you've been able to understand honesty.”

****

“You called her a bitch.”

Hearing Benny's voice break the silence was strange, so everyone was confused before understanding what he was saying. When they did, he saw Zapata shift uncomfortably on the couch, looking at the coffee table.

“I didn't think straight at the moment.”

“It seems like no one here has done that.”

“You want to say something?” Nick pressed with a rough tone, as if ready to snap at the detective right away. Benny measured him, shrugged. 

“I told you it was a bad idea. With Isla and with her.”

“We needed to get around it all, test possibilities. This shit is going to get ugly soon.”

“And you pushed away one of the few people who could keep us from getting screwed over too.” 

When they exchanged glances after Benny's response, there was a silent consensus that the disagreements were slowly getting bigger, something that had been surrounding the group long before you showed up or the case.

Everyone continued smoking in silence and the tense atmosphere didn’t dissipate. Things weren't going well.

****

You knew what you were getting into when you started your career there – you always did. Your parents looked at you the wrong way at first, Theodore always treated it as a temporary thing, and your friends always told you that a lab somewhere was great, or a university could be perfect for anyone who wanted to invest in the academic field, or a friend's company in private sector needed a professional who had the same qualifications as you. 

Still, you resisted the comments in the same way that someone resists some kind of temptation: you laughed, you chatted away and no one brought it up again. You didn't consider those things because you liked the stability that a government job gave you, and people just couldn't understand that.

It was the first time you really considered it. You have recapitulated occasions, measured the possibilities; maybe LASD was no longer the most stable place in the world to be, nor the safest.

The marijuana stash (that's what your brother called it) was in the drawer next to the bed. When you were with Theodore, he also used it, although he didn't really like it because he had headaches, so it was a common thing in the house. You were on your third or fourth drink, eyeing the files and releasing smoke into the air. There was no music, just the low light in the room and the brightness of Kojak's aquarium, so sometimes you needed to squint to see small letters of your own handwriting.

You revisited the case, reviewed your notes and copies of the evidence. Whether it was the effect of the marijuana drink, or your paranoid conscience, you wanted to know if at any point you missed something that indicated a failure in your judgment, if Nick was right or if you ended up taking the whole case down with Isla. 

Someone had been trying to call for half an hour, but you didn't answer –it must have been someone from work, because if it had been a family member they would already be knocking on the door. You didn't even look in the direction of the phone; the vibrations started to bother you but not distract you.

Before you could put the cigarette back in your mouth, someone knocked on the door. The doorbell had stopped working a while ago and that was one of the things that had to be fixed before you could sell that fucking house. 

“Who’s it?” You asked in a high voice, not moving from your spot. 

No one answered. That made you frown, then finally snap your eyes in the door’s direction. You waited. Seconds later, your phone had gone off. 

“... Hello?” 

“It’s me. Lemme in?”

Everything was screaming for you to say no, to hang up and leave him waiting outside until he gave up and disappeared. It would be very convenient for him to be there, ready to convince you of something, to be more malleable; it made sense. He could still be trying to take something out of you, as far as you knew. Still, you were a little out of orbit from the weed, slightly sluggish and relaxed, so you calmly got up, abandoned the files where they were spread on the coffee table and walked over, opening it but not waiting too long to see him enter before turning around again. 

You took slow steps into the room. There was the sound of the door closing, then being locked, and then his footsteps coming behind, but keeping his distance. 

“Weed?” He asked. 

“Are you going to arrest me?”

“I could,” That answer made you snort. “But it’s Cali. And you’re literally my teenage wet dream right now, so I can let it pass.”

Teasing or not, you looked at yourself and noticed your clothes (or lack thereof): panties, a long t-shirt. When you turned to him, standing in the middle of the room, Benny was staring at your legs, but he wasn't smiling.

“You're like a broken record, you know that?” You raised your eyebrows, hands on your hips. “All you say is that I'm in your dreams. This is cheesy as fuck.” 

“You didn't complain about that when you were riding me.”

“Oh, so this is my fault?”

“Well, you’re being quite hypocritical.”

“Fuck off.”

“Stop it.”

“What do you want?”

“You didn't answer my calls.”

“That doesn't answer my question, so I guess we're even.”

He was tense, stressed. You could tell. Benny wouldn't talk to you like that if he wasn't angry about something, maybe even frustrated because you weren't 'clear-headed' to talk at all. 

For a few seconds, he considered you while licking his lips, as if the gears were turning in his head. Yours was also moving, but more gradually, slowly, which left you a little unresponsive when you saw him take off his jacket.

“This must be good, you didn't even hear me.”

“Mm?” You blinked, taking in the sight of his forearms while he lifted his shirt sleeves. That made him crack a giggle. 

“Can I have some?” 

Oh. Oh. The weed. He was already walking closer to the coffee table to grab the joint between two fingers, eyes swiping over the papers, so you watched in awe as he put the cig on his lips and took a long drag, eyeing the burning tip with curiosity. Benny hummed and nodded while puffing the smoke.

“Shit’s really good. How did you get it?” 

“... My brother,” And before he could take another drag, you picked the joint from his hands. “Smoke, hold and pass. That's the rule.” 

“Are we in college or somethin’?”

“Shut up and sit down.”

That's what you two did – him on the couch, you on the carpet in front of him. You took another drag, handed over the cigarette and he brushed his hands on your shoulders before grunting, probably leaning back on the cushions. 

****

It was a very silent few minutes, almost making you forget that Benny was there. When the effect of marijuana hit him, he was already lying on the sofa, without his shoes or his top shirt, limiting himself to showing his arms in a white tank top. This gave you a period of lucidity, very brief, and soon there was no more marijuana to smoke, despite the joint not being finished.

All your caution was being thrown out the window, you knew, but it wasn't like it was going to make any difference. 

“Hey,” You called him in a low tone. 

“Mm?”

“Can I ask you something?”

Benny stayed quiet for a moment or two, as if gathering his thoughts, then you listened to him squirming on the couch, getting on his side to look at you even if you still had your back at him. Sensing that he was waiting for you to give him the same attention, you adjusted yourself and stared at him. 

“Shoot it.”

“What happened with Walsh wasn’t on purpose.”

Silence. For a beat, you even thought that he didn’t hear you, given the fact he was already zoning out a little. You started to feel embarrassed, weird. Well, you were high, which could lead to a version of you who would babble about a lot of nonsense and shit, but that was something that came from your lucid mind, probably a thing you wouldn’t say so softly without the weed. 

“It wasn’t a question,” He teased in a calm voice, smiling at you. 

“... I know,” You smiled back, but it turned into a bunch of stupid giggling. 

It cooled down soon. 

“I didn’t see it this way, you know. Walsh is a stupid motherfucker,” He said after a while.

“Jackass.”

“Dickhead.”

“Yeah… His head looks like a dick. An ugly one.”

“And there’s any pretty dicks somewhere?”

“Just as there’s pretty pussies.” 

“Have you ever seen others?”

You looked at each other, a small smile playing on your lips. When realization started to slowly creep on him, he opened his mouth in shock. 

“It was in college-”

“Always in college,” He rolled his eyes, grinning like an idiot. 

“I had this friend, Kennedy. We were roommates, I was single at the time, you know… It happened. But now we’re just good friends.”

“Mm.”

“I’m serious!” You laughed. 

“So you’re telling me that if this Kennedy comes up here tonight, ask to go down on you or whatever, you would say no?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“Fuck, I would. I’m not cold blooded, gatita.”

A series of laughs filled the living room again. 

“We’re going out of the question here, yeah? Having a serious conversation.”

“You were the one talking about dicks here!”

“Because you called Walsh a dickhead!”

“Okay,” He sighed, adjusting his body to lean over his arm and have a better look at you. Little by little, Benny started to frown, as if thinking hard on something. You would be lying if you said it wasn’t a beautiful sight. 

“So?” 

“I know you didn’t do it on purpose,” His voice was soft, calm, even if a little concerned. “Plus, you had just signed a divorce and Walsh was there talking about it, humiliating you. That wasn't right.” 

You considered his words calmly, blinking heavily but still paying attention. 

“Nick wasn’t in his right mind when he said that.”

“You think?”

“Mm-hm. You shouldn’t worry about it,” And you knew he was talking about the files spread behind you, so you felt a wave of embarrassment. 

“...You’re not just saying that, are you?” The question was serious, probably the first serious thing you said since he came to your house out of nowhere. 

“Why would I do that?”

“Because you’re with them. Like… you know. With them.”

Benny nodded, taking in your words carefully. 

“Fair enough.” 

But he didn’t push the topic, nor tried to apologize or something. He let you have your doubts, probably because he himself couldn’t help but agree that maybe, if it was the other way around, there would be uncertainty on his part as well. You sighed, then, turning your eyes to the carpet and poking it every now and then, as if looking for something on it with false concentration.

“Hey.”

“Mm?”

“Come here.”

“What?”

“‘Wanna feel you,” He almost whined, sitting up and pulling you by the fabric of your shirt. 

“That’s why you came? To feel me?”

“Are you fucking mocking me, woman?”

“I am,” You got on your knees carefully, smirking at him lazily. “Looked like you just waited for the best opportunity to come back here and fuck me.” 

“But I don’t wanna fuck you, I wanna feel you.”

“What’s the difference?” 

The position you stayed couldn’t be more convenient: him, starting to sit as well, legs spread while you rose on your knees, ready to get up. It gave him some time to stare at you with a lazy grin. 

“Saying I wanna fuck would imply that I just came here for it,” He explained. “Feeling you could lead to sex, but with some warm up.”

“All the times we had sex had some warm up,” You argued, hands gripping his thighs lightly. 

“And it was so good, wasn’t it?” Benny asked when you rose just a little to get closer to his face. 

You observed his face for a moment before raising up to peck his lips lightly. When he just sighed, melting into it, you smiled and gave him another kiss, this time a little longer, wetter – enough to, when you part ways, it made a muah. The fabric of your shirt was worn out, old enough to make it more thin and give you a better feel when you gently brushed your chest on his. It made you sigh against his lips, doing it again when he groaned a little, unable to move a muscle but reacting in slow breaths. 

Both of you, silly high adults, brushing your noses, kissing soundly and ready to fuck each other’s brains out as if the world wasn’t basically on fire. 

“I didn’t come here for this, tho.”

This made you move your face, just a little, and the look on your eyes scrunched up in confusion. It felt like a spontaneous burst of lucidity, almost like a punch, and when he turned his face to the side, rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands, you felt brutally rejected. You moved your hands away from his legs. Suddenly, the carpet was hurting your knees and you stood up, muttering a 'sorry' as you sat on the edge of the sofa, a little away from him. 

“Did you come to defend Nick or something?” 

“This has nothing to do with Nick.”

“So why are you here? To tease about us fuck and not doing a thing about it?”

He considered your face for a moment, still taking in the effects of the weed – even if you both started to feel more buzzed then properly high. 

“You don't want to go to war with him.”

“Oh,” You raised your eyebrows, scoffing a sarcastic giggle. “So you came to be a gentleman and defend me from the evils of disagreeing with Nicholas O'Brien? I thought you made it clear that you didn't have much chivalry in your personality.”  

“I don’t.”

“Mm.”

“But that has nothing to do with chivalry. You’re not being rational.”

“About…?” 

Benny sighed.

“We both know it was Emma.” 

“That shit again…” You groaned, getting up brusquely from your seat and wobbling a little before starting to walk away to the kitchen. 

“What happened was-”

“A mistake. A fucking mistake.” 

When you turned, Benny was up too, standing a few feet closer to the kitchen entrance with his arms hanging loosely on his sides. The lack of answer made you shake your head, grabbing a glass bottle of water from the fridge and drinking a good amount. 

That made everything silent. With both hands on the kitchen’s sink, you closed your eyes and collected your thoughts. 

“I'm not naive to think she couldn't have been involved in this, but I'm not naive or stupid to absolve Nick of the shit he should be responsible for,” You glared at him, noticing his dry lips, the way he just blinked at you with a stern expression. With a tsk, you caught hold of a cup in the sink for him and poured some water in it, not daring to give, but letting it rest closer. 

He came, grabbed the cup. 

You could feel the effects of the marijuana, which were already weaker before, start to leave your system. You were sick, you made a face, but you swallowed your discomfort with more water. 

“I'm not Isla.”

It slipped out of your mouth like a slim and unstable thought, one that made him just nod, sipping on the water calmly while leaning on the sink beside you, eyeing the other side of the room. 

“Didn’t think you were.” 

“No?”

“Nn-nn.”

“So you didn’t investigate me?” 

You knew you had him cornered the moment you said it, but Benny didn't show any anger. He stayed quiet, sipped the rest of the water and stood in front of you, face to face, in such a firm way that you almost backed away if you weren't so irritated.

“If I were as much of a son of a bitch as you think I am, I would have let you finish what you started on that couch,” That made you avert your gaze, but he gently pushed your chin, bringing you to eye his face again. “I'm not Nick. Despite my inclinations, I didn’t ask you out in the first place to investigate you.”

“Right, so it was another thing you said was a bad idea to Nick?” 

“Yes, it was.” 

“Bullshit,” You scoffed, taking a step back. “So you’re that good of a person to get along with Nick’s shit and still be his moral compass? Gimme a break, Benny, I’m not that naive.”

Before he could answer, you kept going. 

“She's just a bargaining chip. She always was. And despite our visibly very different lives, I know what it's like to be used and then discarded as if you’re nothing, as if every promise was nothing more than a lie to achieve something very personal, something that never had to do with you,” You said. “I don't want you to come here and expect me to point fingers or accuse people. If it was Emma, ​​if it was Walsh, it doesn't make any difference if the person primarily responsible for this doesn't take the real blame.” 

“You know the world isn’t a fairytale, don't you?”

“I do! And Isla knows it too, better than anyone! This has nothing to do with an imaginary, but with commitment! When was the last time Nick used his badge for anything other than taking it out of his pocket while a whore gave him a blowjob?”

Nothing. Just silence. For a long, perceptive, heavy moment: silence. 

Benny shook his head in disbelief. 

“Emma received a letter of recommendation from the DEA forensic department,” He said in a low tone, catching you completely by surprise. That felt like a test, the way he observed your reaction with care, looking for an answer. When he found it, Benny nodded. “That's why I came here.”

“... What? I don’t understand.”

“I can't remember the last time I had five minutes of conversation with someone who had nothing to do with this shit. It takes me time to believe just as much as it does to you to know I tried to give him some sense, so if I’m here it's because I know you’re not involved and you need to know there’s people around you doing shit.” 

You could barely process the information, what that implied, because you had every right to disbelieve and have your doubts. There was a suspicious look on your face, he knew that because you didn't hide it, but he didn't take offense this time.

“Just stay away. Things are going to get fucked up,” He was definitive. “God knows I’ll have to be away as well.” 

****

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