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koreanbibliophilegirl · 17 days ago

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CHARACTER BLURBS FOR MY DSMP SUPERPOWER AU

As promised to @aimlovesmusic :D 💗

Requested characters were Eternal Duo(Eret and Foolish), Quackity, and Ranboo!

Eret👑

Hero!

Hero Name: Monarch

Unofficial spokesperson for the Hero HQ, bc she's beloved by the masses and can stay calm & collected in the spotlight. In other words, he's the best cannon fodder for them 'cause she's got both high popularity ranking and PR skills.

Power is physical control(? idk what to call it), anyone who sees their glowing white eyes has to move in any way she commands. For example, he could tell someone to drop the gun, and that person would have to drop it. She can't control minds though, so everyone is fully conscious during the control & he can't tell people to think a certain way. + the control stops when Eret can't see you anymore/covers their eyes, with sunglasses, etc.

Hero HQ set his image up to be some sort of lethargic royal, never moving more than they need to- but Eret can run in heels & throw things with scary precision actually. She carries knives around just in case, and later they acquire mini grenades! :D

Likes maracons(INHALES them whenever they're stressed)

Foolish🦈

Also a hero!

Tentatively labeled the Golden Shark

He can call up storms and/or rain/thunder/lightning separately- indoors or outdoors, it doesn't matter.

Also, given enough material, he can build things in seconds! He essentially draws out a blueprint in his mind and moves his hands accordingly, and the materials just assemble themselves. This is usually v exhausting though, it's total knockdown for him if the build is big enough.

Adopted by former hero Puffy(Hero Name: Captain Puffy) as a teen

Is friends with fellow hero Tina Kitten(Hero Name: Carrot Cat... Probably. I'm still working on it)! Tina's powers(basically Cat™️) overlap with other, more popular heroes though, so Foolish got way more support from the Hero System than her. Foolish feels bad about this and tries to help her get more recognition, but there really isn't much he can do.

Hero System favors popular heroes and gives them waaaaaay too many patrols, so he's always exhausted now that he's in the top 10

Meat lover

Eternal Duo👑❤️🦈

Often paired on patrols together

Dating <3

One of the most popular RPF ships on in-universe ao3

They've got a Golden Deities brand, since Foolish's hero persona is Playful but Powerful God of Storms & Eret's the Languid, Relaxed Royalty, and both their costumes have golden bits on them.

Foolish gets shanked on patrol and Eret goes INSANE with their throwing knives

Poor villain Redrum didn't know what hit him lol

After the Golden Shark is announced to be in recovery, the videos of Monarch chasing down Redrum in heels becomes a sort of internet meme

Even more so bc Eret was the only hero who ever came close to actually catching Redrum

Eret expertly wielding knives in public leads to a rebranding, since the powerful-lazy-monarch persona was more or less shattered. Foolish wholeheartedly supports & enthusiastically endorses this change👍

Quackity🎰

Mafia kingpin

Code Name: Rey Club

There's an explanation about the Las Nevadas codename system in the "Lilly's dsmp superpower au" tag. ...Somewhere. I don't have the link rn. I'll add it later😅👍

[Edit: here! Also I realized I changed some minor details since I posted that. Las Nevadas is not a family business!]

Took over LN when he was younger. Vibes are <The Court Jester> by thquib. I love that song.

Paranoid about his position as a result

SKILLED bartender

Since he hides his face as Rey Club, he secretly works in the LN casino palace's bar as Quackity the bartender. He hears a lot of gossip that way, and it's sorta relaxing too.

Sometimes he orders hits on Karens

Fave cocktail is Clover Club, but he pretends to like Casinos better when he's Rey Club

Ranboo🖤💜🤍

Triple Powered, which is super rare

All of benchtrio has 2+ powers so they all pretend to be single-powered(choosing their weaker powers to show) so that their vigilante identities stay hidden

Ranboo can teleport, compress(Silk Touch?), and BITE. They can bite through near anything. Chomp chomp

Works at the local library under Technoblade

And therefore first of the Bench Trio vigilante team to discover wildly popular vigilante duo Emerald Duo's civilian identities

Likes figs- wait why do I keep talking about favorite foods. Eh whatever. He also likes cake & other sweet baked goods.

Vigilante name is Endgame apparently. I'm ngl I completely forgot what I named them & had to check my notes OTL

(Tubbo and Ranboo's vigilante names went through a lot of changes so I lost track of them skajskdaskjdka)

Doesn't talk as Endgame bc they're afraid they'll stutter and sound awkward + doesn't trust himself to not give away his speech mannerisms. Tommy and Tubbo don't care but Ranboo is Anxious™️

This impacts Endgame's popularity as a vigilante a bit

Aaaaaand that's all four!!!! 🥳💕

It's been a hot minute since I worked on DSMP Superpower AU, so it's really nice returning to it :3 Hopefully I can work on it more after my exams😊😅

#this was fun #Lilly's dsmp superpower au #eternal duo #eternalduo #eret #foolish gamers #quackity #ranboo #Lilly writes stuff #Spotify

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void-dwelling-snail · 2 months ago

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>:) helloooo people!!!! I’m back with more stuff for my Void Skaters AU!!!!! This post is gonna be entirely dedicated to explaining the sport so everyone’s caught up and not confused. I hate yapping about something and then finding out people have no idea what I’m talking about. But that’s besides the point!!! Now sit down, grab some popcorn and a drink and get ready cause I will basically be giving a not so brief explanation of this :333 — Snail

Roller derby (or derby just for short) is a contact skating sport. Two teams play on an oval shaped track. There are 5 people on the track at a time. There are typically 15 people on a team. I think for my teams there’ll be 10 players per team but the reason for this will be explained in a later post (if I remember). On the track there’s the jammer and four blockers.

A very important rule in derby is that while it's a contact sport, you're not allowed to use heads, elbows, forearms, hands, knees, lower legs, or feet to make contact with the opposing team. Using any of these parts or making an unsafe play that could severely harm your opponent could result in a penalty.

—————-

Just some general terms would be: Jams, Jammers, Blockers, and Pack

Jams are the formal term for the periods of actual gameplay. Jams are usually 2 minutes long with about a minute in between them. The game is split into 2 halves of 30 minutes.

Packs is the term for the group of blockers. The blockers goal and what not will be later explained.

the Jammers wear a star cover on their helmet to distinguish them from the other players. The jammer's goal is to get through the pack of blockers before the other jammer does. If the jammers get through first they become the lead jammer and are able to call of the jam (TLDR they get to decide if it ends sooner). Jammers can tend to have different strategies when it comes to getting though the blockers. Some jammers focus on being able to quickly squeeze between the blockers quickly, while others can use brute strength to push through them. I’ve seen both styles in games. Both styles will appear in this AU.

The blockers are the remaining 4 people that group together to try and prevent the opposing jammer from getting through, while trying to help their own get through. The groups of blockers are referred to as packs so keep that vocab word in mind, folks!! I can’t really think of much else to say about the blockers. Blockers can also be jammers in case theirs gets a penalty but they usually have a backup jammer.

—————

I think this is all for now…. If I remember anything I'll edit and add it in later. But in the meantime I’ll link some sites that explain these rules so much better (https://rules.wftda.com/summary.html) . As for the next post? It’ll most likely be my team rosters. Not everyone will be from Hermitcraft. There’ll be some Life Series players so just an FYI. There will also be mild shipping. Just Hot Guy + Cute Guy stuff, ya know the drill. As for where I want to take this story? Well as of now it’s just a silly little thing I want to show to the silly people in my screen (you guys!!). I will probably make this a fic, although I don’t have an AO3 account so it’ll probably be all on here. I’ll probably make little comics when school isn’t kicking my butt. But hey if this does well maybe I’ll do more with it. Idk what “more” is but I’ll cross that bridge when it gets there. Regardless, I don’t care if this gets 2 likes or 2,000. This is my silly little project and it'll be here for all who care. If you have any questions ask in the tags or do something with the inbox??? Idk. Well anyways, that’ll be all for now!! —Snail

#Void Skaters AU #Hotguy #Cuteguy #hermitcraft #mcyt #trafficblr #life series

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hazy-hazel-fics · 5 months ago

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My fanfic writing process!!! yippee!!!

Step 1: getting my idea. First off, I need the very basic idea of what I want to write. Sometimes it's just a vibe. What fandom am I writing for? What characters are involved? Is it a crackfic or angsty as hell? Is romance involved? Are they in a different setting than canon?

Step 2: planning. I don't like this one a whole lot, mostly because I never know if I'm doing it right. However, the way I do it is I basically come up with a few basic plot points and decide the order that they should happen in. I also try to keep it appropriate to the setting and especially the characters. Sometimes I kinda skip this part, which in hindsight, never turns out good. The part I like most about this is that it's usually where I design my characters! I like drawing, so getting to sketch out how my characters look so that I can describe them or draw them better is nice.

(there's 4 more steps and explanations below the cut! it's just there so that it's shorter if anyone's scrolling)

Step 3: writing. I try to split my base writing into chunks. First, I start everything on paper! I write down a chapter 1, and try to extend it to part of the second chapter as my first section. I then make my next section finishing the second chapter and starting the third, and so on. As my first draft, it usually has a lot of placeholders where I just say [thing that he grabs the hairbrush out of] or something along those lines, and I don't care too much about my writing seeming bland.

Step 4: editing. As I just mentioned, I tend to section things out, albeit loosely. This part is where I grab a red pen and start to fill in the placeholders and fix any grammatical errors. I also tend to replace words and sentences and make them better, at least in my eyes. I do this by section about twice, meaning that I finish writing my first section, and then later on I do the first corrections, and then the next day or after a nap I do the second corrections. Once I'm done, I start writing the next section, and then I edit that, and the cycle repeats!

Step 5: importing. The next step is to import it somewhere that I can check my word count, edit it, and format it right. I usually use Google Docs because it's easiest. First, to avoid that weird double spacing with AO3 when copy pasting, I make it so that it's single and has a space after each paragraph, which shows me how it'd look in AO3 (image below).

I import it from paper by just manually typing everything out besides the fact that things were corrected. The next day or just a few hours later, I go into suggesting mode (another image below) which basically means that any edits I make will not be permanent, and I can come back later and decide whether or not I want to use the edits. I do this and re-read until I think that my story is silly enough.

Final/6th step: PUBLISHING!!!! Yep, this is the last step, and probably the most nerve-wracking for me. I open up AO3, make a new work, and then I have to decide the tags (probably the hardest part for me; feels like there's too many to chose from or there isn't something as oddly specific as I need it to be), decide the ratings, write notes for the first chapter... and write a summary. I don't like writing summaries, but I try to keep it short and sweet, and I try not to spoil too much. Maybe 1-3 sentences, and then an author's note that's usually the same length or shorter. I re-read everything I've written, make minor changes, add or remove tags that don't seem necessary, usually mention that tags will be removed and added as necessary... Then, my cursor hovers over the button to publish it... and I haven't gotten past that yet! At some point, though, I'll actually publish a fic rather than letting it sit in google docs and in the drafts until deletion.

So sorry for the very long tutorial! I hope you have a nice day :)

#writing #{writing}#fanfiction #fanfic #{misc}#ao3 writer #long post #text post #{11}#fandom #ao3 #what else can i tag #uhh #writing process #writeblr?#does that count?#fanfic writing #fanfic process #tutorialish

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noffy96 · 11 months ago

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Bullet journal week 1

Said I was gonna keep a bullet journal. So i doing it. Gonna update it weekly here so that I hopefully keep on it. With some commentary.

Thing i am gonna give it a special tag so people can block of if they want.

Well here we go

Weather and rate my day. Spend the week on vacation at my grandma's so great week. Just meh today cause leaving and card ride.

And yes snow today. At my grandma's when we left. Then nothing for the entire car ride through the country and then snow again back home. Really funny

Not touch to add to this one. Quizy is probably spelled wrong. But just means feeling slightly Blegh in general. Today mostly cause I get car sick which sucks

Mood. Like i said spend with family just all around good until I had to leave

Not much to say about sleep. Just curious how it's gonna look when I get back to work. Definitely need to find another way for the fanfic reading graph for next month

Steps low, but I am on break and it was raining. So I expected it. As well as chores. It's my grandma's house and she has somehow done the chores before you even get the time to over.

But hobby's through the roof who would have guessed XD

(I didn't finish 3 first draft, 1 drawing, started 2 other ones and worked on my crochet blanket sssh)

Writing highlights was easy with the fun week. Of all the things I doodled the only one I got no explanations for is the snail xd.

Achievement was also easy with how much fun projects I got done. Gonna be interesting how that is gonna go when work starts + added some goals

And finally. Coloured one bottle on the hobby shelf for finishing my Kustard drawing. I'll link to it later

#noffys bullet journal #bullet journal #bullet journal 2024 #noffys journal

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whump-captain · 2 years ago

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Whump Challenge

I got tagged by @sasuga-whump to do this great challenge! Ill put it under a readmore bc it's quite long but i had a blast (◡‿◡)

I'll tag @deepwoundsandfadedscars @thatsgonnaleaveamark @set-phasers-to-whump @crash-bump-bring-the-whump @whumpapalooza @whump-side @justwhumpythings @radioactiveartz and anyone who sees this on desktop rather than mobile

1. Favorite whump trope(s)?

I do love anything to do with knives - stabbing, carving, knives to throats, etc. Impaling is up there too, and fractures of all kinds.

2. Least favorite whump trope(s)?

I'm not into dehumanisation in any way, or humiliation, they're squicks in fact. Anything with conditioning is also very much not for me.

3. Top 3 whump scenes and why?

Ohhhhhh good question. Recent faves are:

A scene in Resident Evil: Village where the protagonist is strung up from the ceiling by hooks stabbed through his hands. He then has to free himself by ripping the hooks out, making the wounds worse. Not much in way of consequences because of the game's slasher-horror conventions but very good still

Hard to describe without spoilers lol but in a book i just read, there is a character who's a clairvoyant and can remember things before they happen. When another character wants to hit them with a glass bottle, they experience the pain even though the hit never actually lands - the intention is enough to hurt them. It later gets used to torture them, too. It's very unique and very fun (◡‿◡)

There's a whole sequence in the webcomic Shiloh where a character loses a fight to a mantis-like monster, ends up severely injured and thrown off a cliff into a river. His colleagues find him half-dead and rush him to a hospital.

4. Top 3 characters to whump and why?

I whump my OCs 95% of the time so i don't have many fandom faves lol. I have been enjoying some horror protagonists though - Ethan Winters from Resident Evil and Murphy Pendleton from Silent Hill: Downpour both are very hurtable and get roughed up nicely in their stories.

5. Favorite fandom for whump (show, series, etc)?

Again im not much of a fandom whumper but it's usually whatever im into at the moment - recently Silent Hill

6. Do you prefer written or watchable whump?

Oooh that's hard, i think i lean every so slightly towards watchable. They both have their wonderful parts (◡‿◡)

7. Do you also like hurt/comfort?

Yes! I always prefer the hurt lol but im also very into some good comfort

8. What do you think the difference between hurt/comfort and whump is?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ To me, whump means "the hurt part of hurt/comfort" but tbh the terms are pretty interchangeable to me. H/c is a more well-known term so i find that it tends to end up being used towards more fics, even ones that only feature it briefly.

9. How would you explain whump to someone who’s not familiar with it?

Depending on how familiar with fandom terms they are, i suppose. Either "the hurt in hurt/comfort", or "like angst, but often about the physical side", or "stories where the point is for the characters to get injured". Probably add something about exploration of vulnerability, in case they want a deeper explanation.

10. Is there any old whump you particularly enjoy? (say, pre 2000?)

Hmmmmm im sure there are some Star Wars books ive read that are from the 90s and have some good whump but i genuinely don't remember lol

11. Why do you think you like whump?

Now that's the big question, isn't it lol. There's definitely catharsis there - seeing characters allowed to express their suffering and then having it validated and soothed. It's an outlet for emotion, too, especially anger which i struggle with and can channel in a safe and controlled way onto Fictional Character Stabbings lol. I also just like the aesthetics of the kind of exaggerated violence that whump tends to feature, there's a darkly melodramatic thrill to it that im really drawn to.

12. When did you realize you liked whump?

Literally as early as i remember lol. I was under 6 wishing characters in cartoons would be put into peril, i was always into it

13. Favorite posts with whump (gifsets, picspams, etc)

I do love gifsete with my whole heart, im so constantly in awe of the amazing gifmakers we have in this community bc they let us experience the best of whump from all over the world. I also like prompt posts, @injuryprompts never fails to get my creative gears turning

14. Are you “out” to people in real life?

Absolutely Not lmao and for a bunch of reasons. Mostly because whump is something quite personal to me and wouldn't want it to be misunderstood but at the same time i don't think i could properly explain it. I also don't want people to think it's a sexual thing - which again is something commonly understood in the community but probably not so much outside of it.

15. How did you find the whump community?

I was on one of my periodic searching-for-hurt/comfort-fics sprees when i was reminded of the term by the tags - i've been aware of it as a fandom thing but always forgot about it. Then i had the idea of searching it on tumblr and then it all began lol. I was so stunned to see a whole section of the website so dedicated to it and i can't believe how long i've managed without it (◡‿◡)

16. Any unusual mediums you like for whump (plays, music, vlogs, etc)?

Hmmmmm i very much like video game whump - both actual scenes and just the natural way a character gets beat up throughout the gameplay. An unusal niche of it is, i would say, point-and-click puzzle games. It feels weird because they never have an actual protagonist lol but the plot always involves being trapped, or captive, or escaping, and that just always gets my whump imagination going lol. I like imagining a character for them, scared and injured, struggling to puzzle out their freedom.

17. Any meta about whump you’ve been dying to share?

It's mostly just an observation but im utterly fascinated by the fact that so many people are into whump from very early in life. There was a poll about it going around recently and the most picked answer was "6 and younger" and it just. blows my mind. What a strangely specific thing to be born with. I would love to study this in some way but i wouldn't even know where to start.

18. Whump fic(s) you’d love to see?

There are a bunch of writers here whose fics i would love to see continued but i'm nervous to tag them bc i don't wanna pressure them lol. In general im also always on a lookout for strong platonic friendships in stories and creative magical whump, especially with a horror twist.

19. Whump you’re looking forward to? (Maybe something teased or something you haven’t seen yet?)

I've been reading Witch Hat Atelier and recently there have been theories that some visual symbolism is foreshadowing my favourite character getting hurt in an upcoming fight. I don't want to get my hopes up too much cause it's all guesswork lol but i would very much like that (◡‿◡) Similar thing with Wilde Life, a webcomic, in which the protagonist is currently held at gunpoint - in that story, however, not much injury happens at all lol so again not holding my breath.

20. Top 3 favorite whump fics?

Hhhhhh just three???? i need some kind of bookmark system for real because i can't remember half of the stuff i read lol so these aren't my Top top 3, just things i really like

In The Woods Somewhere by @knivestothroats has to be on here because it's honestly the pinnacle of my writing goals - the flow and pacing are impeccable, it escalates the stakes so smoothly that i put it down, and it's just such a brilliant self-contained story with characters that stick with you and some scenes that i still think about, years since i've read it.

@whumpapalooza 's Space Interns also have a very warm place in my heart bc i just love the characters so much and it's not often that i want whump for Every Single Member Of The Cast but here we are

and most recently i've loved this BHTB fill by @crash-bump-bring-the-whump and its lovely prose and the ability to get me hooked on brand new characters in a single work

21. Tropes you think are overdone?

Conditioned/"broken" whumpees, to me it always seems like the same few tropes and phrases cycled around in new costumes. But i will admit that i also just dislike the trope all in all lol so im not being entirely objective here. Creepy whumpers also usually come off as cheesy, i think, because they always use the same set of kinda stereotypical and, well, overused lines. It seems like it's a go-to "default" whumper for prompts/short fics but imo it's actually very difficult to do well. Just my opinion tho

22. Tropes you think we could use more of?

Hmmmmmmmmm it would be cool to see some cool horror/magic themed whump, with strange creatures and eldritch threats. I'm also always in the market for more unique character dynamics, they can keep even the most basic of tropes fresh.

23. Favorite sites/archives for consuming whump? (question by @dammittmarie )

Honestly just tumblr lol. And ao3 sometimes if i want fanfics since it's very easy to find things there

24. Have your whump preferences changed recently? If so, why? (question by @fyeahvulnerablemen)

I've been leaning more towards horror recently as i get more into the genre! But within it im still into the same kind of whumpees i believe lol even though they're getting less gunfights and more possessions

#whumpchallenge #tag game #not sure if i was meant to do this all at once or one daily lol but still

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hyperfixation-tangentopia · 1 year ago

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Pinned post? Pinned post! It only took me 7 months I'm right on time! Anyway -

(If you've been here for a while you can safely ignore this, I just wanted to have something.)

What to call me: HT, Hyper, Hyperfixation, Tangent, I don't care. I'll answer to anything as long as I know you're talking to me.

Pronouns: He/it/they/she and anything under the sun! Preferences fluctuate but as a general rule I don't care much.

Tags

Don't expect proper tagging here, I'm not one for organization, but a few I've used in the past -

#ht overthinks - If you want some theories, rambles, and random shit I think is interesting in the shows I watch, you'll probably find that here.

#ht go to sleep - My sleep schedule is crap. Here's the evidence.

#tealstars - This is unreliable, but my LMK Tealstars AU! I do have a post with links for it further down though, if you want something easier.

#crossover au - This is more unreliable, but a LMK x TOH Crossover AU. Links further down, again.

Tealstars AU - A LMK AU where I take the other two celestial primates and make them Chikao and Tongbi, the chaos gremlin and space monkey.

AUs and OCs

@hyperfix-tangented is where most of the AUs/OC is now (well. Will be.)

Crossover AU - A borderline abandoned LMK AU where the LMK cast is thrown into the TOH universe upon Mei getting the Samadhi Fire. (I lost the posts -_-)

Apocalyptic Twins AU - A Future!ROTTMNT AU where Mikey adopts two Krang Mutants into the Resistance, and shenanigans ensue.

Mikey AU - An AU I haven't shared on here yet, but I love and am working on and will put here so I don't forget to add it later.

SOD OCs - Also stuff I haven't shared. Also something I'm putting here purely so I don't forget.

Other Stuff

My main blog is @ghostshadowmx (though I don't use it for anything besides saving writing resources, and in the past I posted a couple LMK fanfics there)

You can talk to me! Will I respond in a timely manner? That depends on if I remembered to unpause Tumblr, or if I went to bed before 5 AM the previous night.

You can tag me! However! Keep in mind I have limited spoons and my motivation will take me 50 different directions and in the direction of that tag game is unlikely to be one of them! This does not mean I don't care or appreciate it, this just means my body/brain is shit <3

I have several tags filtered! I have a lot of "reblog this/please reblog/etc." filtered out and will not always click through anyway! Please do not mistake this as me not caring or supporting anything, I use this blog as a place to destress and distract and so I try to avoid reblogging things that will upset or trigger me.

I am anxious as fuck! If I take a long time to reply when I'm clearly online without explanation, talk weirdly, am being awkward, etc., there's a high chance I'm being socially anxious and freaking out. It's nothing personal, so please be patient with me ^^

I am part of a system! I'm usually the only one on this blog so outside of DMs (maybe) it likely won't come up, but an alter runs @the-demon-hiding-under-your-bed and I have no filter, so it's easier to have this here on the odd occasion I do reference it. I'm also a ghost :3

My hyperfixations do switch around! This does not mean I've abandoned a project or fandom, or will enjoy stuff from there any less. It just means I'll ramble about something else more, and might put said project on pause for a little bit until I come back and figure out wtf I was doing again.

My Ao3 is under GhostshadowMX! As of the current moment it consists of a LMK one-shot, a LMK fanfic my brain refuses to work on, and three angsty ROTTMNT one-shots where I refuse to Leo or Mikey a break <3 I may or may not make a post when I post something, I am super anxious about sharing my writing and often need reassurance before feeling confident enough to tell people it's there.

I will vanish for literally days at a time! In this instance, you can usually reach me on Discord (if you have me added there), as it's more likely than not me getting distracted by something. If I vanish off Discord without warning, then please do not worry. I probably just decided to isolate for a little bit and forgot to tell anyone.

PFP and Banner is by @/mythicalmagical-monkeyman (don't wanna bother but also go look at their funnies)

Anything else I can't remember right now, and this is probably too long anyway! So! Yeeup! Hope this wasn't too much lol, waves

Old pinned post

#ignore this #if you've been here a bit #just wanted to have a thing #and a pinned post lol

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cosmic-nightglow · 1 year ago

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About Us

Polyfragmented/complex DID system

17 years old

They/she/he pronouns collectively

If unsure who is fronting just call us Elyxir

AuDHD

hEDS, POTS

Currently on our SP we have just over 60 parts logged however at the start of the year Juniper decided to make a new SP account and so now we are slowly bringing the parts from the old one to the new one (smart choice Junie made though cause the formatting was a mess) but we know that there is well over 100 probably over 200 even so basically we have shitton of parts but half the time they aren't even logged on PK or SP. Like there are ones who wrote notes and what not but did not log themselves on SP so truly the alter count is fuck this shit there's too many.

We're also introject heavy (yay fiction our only escape from the world for the first 10 years of our life and then yay fifth harmony our next means of escape /s. we all agree on one thing collectively, fifth harmony, we love the girls)

Don't really care for syscourse (we enjoy hearing the different opinions and occasionally may wish to voice ours but don't care too much for it if you get what I'm saying)

Stance on endos: don't really care, they're experience is greatly different to ours, as long as they understand that what they experience is different to what we experience and they don't spread misinformation (intentionally. unintentional misinfo is different and easily spread) we're chill with them cause who knows maybe there is a scientific explanation for them but we don't care that much tbh. We're not gonna go out of or way to get mad at y'all even though sometimes we're like "hmmm is this really a thing?" mostly just as long as endos stay in their space and don't try to invade ours we're chill.

Some parts are more anti-endo than others, some parts are more neutral and some parts may be completely chill with endos, genuinely it completely depends on the part.

We'll trigger tag stuff as TW topic. This will go for vents in general, the ent will be tagged TW vent along with any other potentially triggering topics.

We'll tag any basic triggering topics (if we don't tag one we should just send us a dm or ask to let us know cause we probs didn't realise)

DNI:

Basic DNI

fakeclaimers

honestly really thats it tbh

We'll probably also bitch about shit a lot, mostly drama at school though cause damn does that shit get messy quick and annoying.

Might end up updating this shit with more info later (sorry bout any typos but not really sorry I just don't give enough of a fuck to proofread)

Frequent Fronters below the line

Juniper, 8-15, She/they, Lesbian, Host, Fictional Introject, Part of the Terrorised Stories Subsystem

Augustine, 17, She/they, Lesbian, Host, Fictional Introject

Lauren, 18-27, She/her, Bi, Protector, Soother, Trauma Holder, Factual Introject, Part of Moon Line Subsystem

Camila, 18-26, She/her, Lesbian, Protector, Factual Introject

LJ, 17, She/he/they/mera/lun/leaf, Bi, Soother, Factual Introject

Karla Camila (Karla, KC), 16, She/her, Lesbian, Soother, Factual Introject

And since I'm in front I'll add info about myself despite not being a frequent fronter

Maeve/Finn, Late teens, They/it/vamp/spiri, IDK my sexuality, Persecutor

#complex did #c-did #polyfrag system #did system #traumagenic system #dissociative identity disorder #polyfragmented #polyfrag did #c did #complex ptsd #cptsd #complex dissociative disorder #polyfragmented did #polyfragmented system #cdd #cdid #did #polyfrag

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justiceraffles · 3 years ago

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"Hey, what if MK was a horribly written telenovela with a poorly conceived mystery storyline that's tied together in the most precarious of ways with nonsensical plotpoints and was also endgame Hakukai" So here's the start to my Hakukai longfic! I have a lot of things to say about this story so I'll just ramble about it at length beneath the cut if anyone's interested in my nonsense notes. Otherwise,

Read Here

I've been working on this thing on and off for a year and a half now, it lives rent free in my head every day and has been editted, restructured, and rewritten a lot. I've been very apprehensive about sharing it. ...To be honest, I still am! It's a chaotic story where I just allowed myself to write the most self-indulgent thing I could muster. This entire plot is an amalmagation of random things and ideas I like. It feels like a niche concept that is very messy and ???¿¿¿¿??? why did I make this

But, I guess that also makes it a very "me" story, so having fun with it and writing something that just brought me joy is what matters most, ultimately.

(aaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA)

I'm very thankful to everyone who has read the outline and concept for it or just listened to me ramble about the incoherent plot and characters or cheering me on when I've been kinda anxious about it— it's thanks to that support despite this being such a specific and ¿¿¿ idea that I've found the courage to actually share it. I'm very grateful and I hope you guys can enjoy something in it o)-(

So, about the fic,

It's a story about Hakuba! I think we are all well aware that jokes about his long absences and infrequent appearances are very commonplace (where in the world is hakuba saguru??? TT) and it unfortunately leads to him being forgotten and overlooked often. The initial concept that inspired this fic was "Hey, what if Hakuba stopped showing up for real?" and explore the implications this would have on the MK storyline (and Kaito, by extension). I wanted to make a plot where he was allowed to be the protagonist of his own story, highlight his worth as a detective, his role in the main narrative, and the depth of his relationship with Kaito. It's a Hakuba Saguru Appreciation fic, first and foremost!

So, the romance itself is very slow burn. There is a lot of plot, because I have a lot of fun with ridiculous, contrived stories haha. It takes a while for the story to be fully set up, and Kaito doesn't make a proper, official appearance until the end of Chapter 2.

Chapter 1 is rather lengthy and sets the context and plot from Hakuba's POV, Chapter 2 focuses on establishing where his relationship with Kaito (as well as Aoko and Akako) stands at the moment, and Chapter 3 onward starts seeing the first proper developments in the relationship.

It's a bit rocky at first and they have a lot of ups and downs but I promise they work it out (I promise!!! I swear!!!) I tried my best to maintain a balance between the fluffy and angsty moments, but I have to admit it's quite dramatic at parts lol I enjoy stupid, trashy drama a lot sometimes— this is the reason I'm calling it a bad telenovela.

Despite the fact that this is very plotty, their feelings for each other are the guiding force behind the storyline, and their relationship does take center stage later on. The romance is in no way secondary, it just takes a long while to fully develop. They most definitely get a happy ending, but you can expect this to be 95% pining.

The story starts out some years after the current events in the MK manga. Pandora hasn't been found yet, and KID is still active. On the other hand, the DC canon is used very loosely; the conflict has long since been resolved. The BO was taken down years before the start of this story.

The two plots aren't too deeply intertwined here, they just intercept at parts. References to DC events appear here and there and some elements and character interactions overlap, but they tend to be minor for the most part. This is primarily a MK story and I wasn't too worried about completely integrating both plotlines (or staying 100% accurate to the DC plot, for that matter).

Of course, because this is MK-centric, Aoko and Akako are involved with the overarching story and have major roles to play.

In terms of DC characters, Masumi, Shiho, Heiji and Shinichi play semi-prominent roles in the story. I've tagged Masumi from the getgo because she appears in the first chapter, but I'll add the others when I get to the little arcs they show up in. Save for some specific contributions they have, they aren't too deeply involved with the overall plot progression, but the interactions Hakuba has with them are important for his character development and his better understanding of his relationship with Kaito. Basically each of these characters gets some sort of little story arc in which they interact with/help Hakuba in some way. I arbitrarily chose who I wanted him to interact with, lol.

Speaking of arbitrary decisions— Miss Masumi!!!! She's the first character that shows up in this and interacts with Hakuba. I understand this is probably a strange choice. Because I really wanted to flesh out Hakuba's detective methods and life in London a little more, I decided to use the very what if headcanon of Hakuba's maternal family and the Sera family being acquainted with each other. Like I said before, I didn't really want to connect DC and MK plots thoroughly, so the Akai family plotline isn't at all relevant here beyond a couple of passing mentions. I was mostly interested in Hakuba having an MI6 connection without the need of using another OC and I just wanted to imagine what a hypothetical dynamic between him and Masumi would be like.

And then, OCs. There's a couple of OCs with pretty major roles here as well. Really major— probably in equal measure to Aoko and Akako. I apologise in advance! I really needed them to properly build the detective/mystery aspect of the plot, and the more I wrote, the more they became involved with the story and relationship progression TT I really enjoyed writing them a lot, and I'm satisfied with how they turned out here. I understand OCs with prominent roles aren't everyone's cup of tea, though. Even though I enjoyed writing them, I'm a little self-conscious about how relevant they ended up being when they were originally just going to be there as a plot device to kickstart things ;;; Hopefully someone can find enjoyment in them nonetheless. They are most heavily involved with the story after the midpoint, but they appear all throughout.

I'm really nervous about the choices to have Masumi and major OCs in this story...I understand it is likely these things will make this story a little too niche. But!!!!!!!!! Again!!!!!!!!!!!!! Having fun with it is what matters most Raffles!!!!!!!!!!!!! Get that through your thick skull!!!!!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also, please expect the most convoluted explanation to Pandora. There is a lot of made up lore I had a blast writing but it's all probably needlessly complicated.

In summary, it's a detective story starring Hakuba that somehow ended up reading like a dramatic post-breakup/getting back together soap opera.

A significant portion of this has been prewritten, so my (ideal) plan is to have weekly or biweekly updates (but hmmmm let's see how long that lasts until I decide to scrap and rewrite everything out of embarrassment— this is very likely, I second-guess myself a lot)

I keep dragging it through the mud, but I've actually had a blast writing it, even though there's A Lot going on and I'm not very confident in it being decent enough to share.

With all that, I hope someone else can maybe find some enjoyment reading it.

#Refutation of time #my writing #DCMK #magic kaito #hakuba saguru #hakukai #sagukai #dcmk fanfic #this is the most rafflescore way to take over the MK plot #says my beta #ohdearohboyohgod #i need to pee #I have read the first chapter like 50 times over its not even funny #(passepartout voice)#GAAAAAAAAAAGH THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING

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lea-andres · 3 years ago

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THE ASK DIED AGAIN AFJUSVBULK I tried to save it as a draft to pull up something else, and Tumblr just yeeted it into the void. 😭

Okay, fuck this. @leaf-greener asked a lovely question about where everyone on Team Sonic stands in the whole Civil War situation caused by GUN being shitty and making Shadow's kid without his knowledge or consent in what I guess I'm dubbing the "CS91 AU"

(Fun fact: the civil war angle came about because I was mildly disappointed the Mr. Tinker plotline in IDW didn't cause one. I got my hopes up watching Vector and Sonic discuss the ethics while Espio's sitting there going "That's still Eggman. Lock him up!" Correctly, I might add. :P)

TL;DR: I don't know, yet. Mostly because I haven't decided how far I want this to spread. Silver and Blaze? (I do know where they'd stand though.) Babylon Rogues? EGGMAN??? (He probably needs to be dragged into this, but what side he'd take I'm not too sure.)

I'll share who I do know though.

Before we begin, there's three distinct camps of people: "Shadow was right" (The Chaotix), "Shadow should've consulted us first" (Rouge), and "Oh, God, I don't know! I can't even imagine what that'd be like!"

Team Chaotix is the only team that manages to totally stick together. (I will say though, Espio gets where Rouge's side is coming from, but his counterargument is this is SHADOW'S kid we're talking about, therefore SHADOW'S the only one who truly has any say in this situation. Vector doesn't give a damn what anyone on Rouge's side says though, so any hopes they had of trying to get Espio to talk to Vector for them are dashed instantly.)

You mentioned in the tags some potential for Sonic and Tails angst, you'll be happy to hear they're on separate sides. Sonic sided with the Chaotix (after a lot of soul searching, because he sees where Rouge is coming from!), And Tails sided with Rouge (after an equally as deep and long soul searching session. He understands what the Chaotix are saying, but this is GUN.) Knuckles is in the undecided camp (and might be the only one who stays there the entire time, because this is just TOO messed up!)

Amy starts out in undecided, but gets talked into joining Rouge's side later on when GUN starts tormenting all of them for Shadow and CS91's whereabouts. (Like, homes raided for hidden messages, hours of questioning kind of tormented. GUN's PISSED Shadow took "their weapon" and thinks Team Sonic's hiding him somewhere.)

Cream and Big join the Chaotix's side almost immediately. You don't let bad people do horrible things to your family, doesn't matter who those bad people are.

Team Dark doesn't need an explanation, but I will say Omega doesn't get why the rest of the team's arguing so much about his and Shadow's actions. They came, they saw, they destroyed an entire research lab and all the documentation of CS91, arguing about whether or not they should've isn't going to change anything.

IF Silver and Blaze get dragged into it, Blaze joins Rouge's side immediately, while Silver starts out in undecided, then joins the Chaotix's side after a talk with Sonic.

I'm really not certain about the Babylon Rogues. Except maybe Storm, he'd at least start out in undecided. But man, I could see Jet and Wave going either way. On one hand, don't piss off GUN. But on the other hand, fuck GUN. I do think they'd join opposing sides and the Rogues would get split up though.

#sonic headcanons #sonic ocs #project cs91 #cs91 au #thanks for the ask!#that got destroyed twice lol

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ae0nx · 4 years ago

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FRUITS BASKET S3 EPISODE 8 RECAP AKA THE KYORU CHRONICLES PART 2 (plus a quick recap of eps 3-7)

aaaaaaAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! I gotta get it out of me otherwise I won't be able to concentrate on work and I will be scrolling through the tag till the day I die. Everything from episode 3 of Season 3 literally hit me like an avalanche - literally cos I marathoned 3-7 over the weekend which I wouldn't advise unless you want an accelerated heartbeat - and I'm starting to realise... maybe I just wasn't ready for season 3. Despite asking for it, haha. Not gonna put as many screencaps for this one cos tumblr editing bay be trippin and I just don't have time nor emotional energy to be fighting with the picture uploads, sorry lol

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Episodes 3 - 7

I spoke before about how (despite my feelings about the characters) the English dub VAs for Akito and Shigure pair up really well audibly. And I think I feel the same way about both Yuki and Machi's English VAs! They both have the same soft spoken yet scratchy element to their voices almost like they are holding slightly back. Although, I'd argue that Yuki has been losing the element of slightly holding back as the anime has gone on which I wonder if the same would be included for Machi's performance?

I really like the presentation of Machi's trauma through her family's expectations to be perfect and how physical it is? How Yuki kind of encourages her to let it out in a healthy way? (Btw the whole chalk breaking scene in the meeting was SO FUCKING SMOOTH. YUKI IS A NERD BUT HE IS SO EFFORTLESSLY COOL A LOT OF THE TIME)

The age gap between Isuzu and Haru for sure isn't the worst age gap in this anime/manga but it's still a bit... hmm...

Episode 4:

In all seriousness, I know Akito deserves some sympathy but it doesn't change the fact that I still see her as a villain. Hurt people hurt people but it doesn't mean they should get away with it, I was honestly pleased Haru got that big confrontation with Akito to tell her WHAT'S WHAT but it was also somewhat... merciful?

Hiro's growth has been so beautiful to see, him realising there are bigger things than him from the event with Rin to his relationship with Kisa to then the birth of his little sister.

Kureno choosing to get his hands a little dirtier and paying the ultimate price for it (as far as we know so far in the anime lol) was great, he is the moon side of Tohru's sunshine.

Shigure... I still don't really get him and Akito's relationship. It's clear he's waiting for Akito to grow the fuck up but at the same time he's not creating an environment for her to grow and develop. He's decided to go with the 'tough love' route which I'm still deciding whether I like it or not tbh. Sometimes it feels necessary, at other times it feels shitty. I respect that he knows he's a scumbag and I don't deny that there are people out there who take revelry in the fact that they are awful but at the same time, him remaining unchanging despite everything feels... unrealistic. But considering throughout this story he doesn't seem affected by trauma, it's understandable, I guess?

Also... that scene where Shigure ponders about whether he should've been with Tohru is THE creepiest creeper shit he's EVER done in this series. No. 🙅🏾‍♀️

Momiji is best bunny boi regardless of how tall and 'manly' he becomes. 🐰His scene with Akito was so authentically him and he really did that shit. We love him. <3

I love the way that the curse breaking should (on surface) be a happy event considering all the trauma the zodiac went through because of it but it's presented mostly as loss as well as happiness. It's the realness of getting out of a bad relationship

Shigure basically laying it out to Tohru how Kyo means nothing in a very taunting way was an excellently painful scene and I choose violence. It was heartbreaking seeing how worthless they all saw Kyo compared to how Tohru saw him but... by this point I was just living in the pain so 🤷🏾‍♀️

The story visually showing how Isuzu is more willing to be soft after her whole ordeal through her fashion choices (e.g. the pastels, the cardigans) was really nice. And Haru being happy about Isuzu making friends with Tohru was cute!

It was nice we saw that Kazuma was still wary about whether Tohru loved Kyo for the right reasons, you'd assume after everything Kazuma would love Tohru as a match for Kyo but he's so emotionally intelligent and also just a protective Dad! Yay, good parenting!

Tohru's confession to loving Kyo was amazing however I still adore Kyo's confession a little bit more. Just a bit. Lol. However, if you add the moment later in episode 8 it trumps it completely. Ethereal goddess.

Kyo and Tohru's grandfather having a scene together was great and nice

Now that I think about it, I wish there was more a visual link in the story between Tohru adapting her speech to imitate her Dad and Momiji adopting his Mum's German accent. Albeit for slightly different reasons, it just adds to the unique connection Tohru and Momiji have. In short, I'm seeing this ship with my third eye now. I get it lol

I don't wanna screencap the scene where Kyo is haunted by both his deceased mother and deceased Kyoko and potentially deceased Tohru because it's the stuff of nightmares. But, it was a wonderfully done scene. You definitely understand fully and clearly why Kyo buried all of that trauma under his hatred for Yuki (I CAN'T WAIT FOR EPISODE 9, YOU GUISE!)

If Akito is a villain, Ren is the final boss. Although, with her type of villainy... I feel like I can kind of enjoy a bit more. She reminds me of a Greek God in the ways she master manipulates people and her desperation for control and power (I just read 'Mythos' by Stephen Fry, it's a great read lol)

It lowkey feels like every female character who's comfortable in expressing their sexuality in this story is punished in some way for it... this is an incomplete thought

Shigure as a child feeling like they should all be pitied is so... mature... I feel like I need more of an explanation for why Shigure is the way he is

Akito's ego death with Kureno? Amazing. I loved that she was at least aware enough to realise how Kureno had been coddling her all this time but again... doesn't excuse her crimes

But anyways...

EPISODE 8

Honestly? I really don't have much to say about this episode besides 3-5 points I wanna get out of my head. It's not a bad thing at all, it's just that there's still a lot left to play out from this 'arc' and this season in general that I wanna complete my thoughts on.

But I'll start with this:

Lol, isn't it funny?! Isn't it heart-wrenchingly funny how the relationship between Kyo and Tohru has kinda reverted back to how they were at the start of the series? The coldness of Kyo at the beginning of this episode (and throughout) was a bit of a gut punch considering all the light and fluffy moments that we've gotten between the two since the True Form arc.

Talking about the True Form arc, I feel like this episode is somewhat a repeat of the same emotions, same trials of the True Form arc. Kyo still 'runs away like he always has' but this time we get him being the most honest and confrontational with his own emotions and trauma than he ever has been during the course of this whole story. While trusting someone (Tohru specifically) for the first time with the whole truth of his story! He always seems to move one step forward and then three steps backwards and while it's a tad bit frustrating, it feels very... real. I'll probably complete my feelings how this arc reflects the True Form arc when we finish this section of the story in future episode(s).

Considering the fact that 80% of this episode is Jerry Jewell monologuing as Kyo and I never got bored really just sells his performance. Kyo was being incredibly cold this episode and yet the range of emotions through his performance made it feel understandable enough for you to empathise with it.

BrattyKid!Kyo to lighten the mood 😹I still wish he and Hiro had more of a relationship, I feel like they could have taught each other a lot. Well... mostly Kyo teaching Hiro tbh

Kyo rejecting Kyoka for her honesty and kindness and then later rejecting Tohru? Oh... kid...

Wow, I felt so good about that whole episode of Kid!Yuki helping Kid!Tohru get home and then it's slightly soured knowing KID!KYO was running about the streets alllll night into the morning?!?! I really did feel Kyo's frustration at not getting that win to actually do something right. And the irony of that being linked to him being unable to save Kyoka from the oncoming car?

Honestly, I don't know what my feelings are on Kyo being unable to save Kyoka. I don't even know what my feelings are on Tohru pretty much pushing that aside in favour of her feelings for Kyo. It's... complicated and I've been mulling it over in my head for the last 10+ years hahah However, if I was in Tohru's position I think I'd eventually come to a point where it feels like it's too late to really do anything about how bad I'd feel about it. Kyo's intentions weren't horrid, if anything he was just being a scared kid and he's allowed to be that. I just wish Tohru had a bit more time to evaluate it but considering she knew her mother well and assumes that wouldn't have been the full scope of what she had said, I don't have much of a problem with it in general

Lol, I love when Tohru gets a 'FUCK YOU, I LOVE YOU' moment with Kyo. 😂Another reflected scene from the True Form arc... only thing is that this time... it doesn't quite work. 😕

(Again, I love how all of these reflections are resolved in later occurences in response to the duality but I'll get to it next week when it shows hopefully)

Laura Bailey only had a few sentences in this episode but she killed it as always. Comparing her performance in 2001 to now is just... growth!

Ok, so Yuki automatically gets Best Boi in this episode for meddling and chasing after KYO of all people. Showing how he's personally done with hating Kyo. Realising Kyo is pretty much the only person who'll make his mother happy. I think he also lowkey wants to understand Kyo? But, we'll get to that next week.

....Oh yeah, Akito is there.

--------------------------------------------------------------

In total, I liked this episode even though it has me anxious for the next one. We finally get the full picture of why Kyo is the way he is! Ahhhh - a weight off all our chests, I'm sure. I kinda don't like that they put the ending theme at the end of these episodes - the joyfulness doesn't really match up with the intense theme? But, that's just a minor gripe. And hey, maybe they just want the audience to know... it's all gonna be okay :)

See you next week!!!

#fruits basket #furuba #fruits basket season 3 #fruits basket 2021

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xxisxxisxxis · 4 years ago

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Gateway Drug | Part Ninety

Words: 4k

Warning(s): explicit language, mentions of violence, mentions of drug abuse

Tag List: @unknownoblivion @edwardtriggerhandzz @haileynicoleseavey17 @cierrasixx19 @oskea93 @mgkobsessed @sharon6713 @itsametaphorbriansblog @miriampraez @allie-mcginn @xpoisonousrosesx @rebeccaphillips14 @nicholeh7 @lilmou5ie @emariehorror @divaanya @6ixx6ixx @ratedrkohardychick91 @floregrohlssard @oldschoolimagineblog @abaldboi @liith-ium @jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels @ytwahsog @scarecrowmax @random-internet-user-4471 @solohqrry @sparxx27 @kaitieskidmore1 @cruecifymesixx @meetthesixxter @arianareirg @gingerspicetalks

@fancywasmyname1 @teller258316 @ggorehorror @blowinmeupwithherlove @xrosegoldwolfx @mylifeisjustafeverdream @redlipscrystalskies14 @str4nge-haze @reigns420 @sixxseconds2love @leatherandheels @dogmom2014 @allyouneedislove-mp3 @n0-self-c0ntro1 @viinceneil

LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED

"Hey, Viv, it's Tansy...I got your flowers and was calling to let you know I'm getting out of the hospital today, and I'm heading to the same place the guys are at, Nikki said it doesn't suck as bad as the other places they've tested out, um…" Tansy's sweet voice sounds over my answering machine. "...I'm really sorry for not calling earlier. I'm just now getting off methadone, so I've kicked smack successfully. I just wanted you to know I'm doing okay and getting some help, and Nikki called and told me you two were working things out." She adds. "Come visit me, soon, okay? We have a lot of shit to talk through, and I know we do, I just don't know where to start but I love you. I'll see you later."

She hangs up and I smile a little bit, rubbing my lips together.

I haven't heard anything on her since Steven told me she was in the hospital back in New York after her overdose not long after Nikki's. I sent flowers when he told me she had to undergo emergency surgery to cut a part of her liver out that was turning necrotic.

I hope we can get through things like me and Nikki are trying to do, I think Amber's going to try to bring Vince and Tommy in to talk about our relationships as a whole the session after this next one Nikki and I have...maybe Tansy and I can sit down a few times and hash things out, too.

I head to get a bath, but it's not long before my peace is soon disturbed.

This is the fifth time the phone has rung in the past two minutes, and I roll my eyes and pull myself out of the bathtub, grabbing my towel and stepping to the living room.

I already see my message machine blinking from unheard voice-mails, and I pick the phone up and answer it.

Before I can even say, "hello," Sharise starts in.

"Vivian, what is going on, why didn't you say anything about it, why--"

"Sharise, slow down," I'm bombarded with a million questions, paranoia making my chest tighten.

"Vivian, you're pregnant, apparently, that's what's going on." She clarifies, and I feel the color drain from my face.

"Did Vince hear that from Nikki and tell you or--"

"--You're actually pregnant?!"

"You didn't hear it from Vince?"

"No, Vivian, it's all over MTV!" She says next, not sounding angry at me, just shocked.

"What?!"

Just as soon as she says it, there's a sharp beep from the phone, indicating someone's trying to call.

"Gimme a second and I'll call you back." I assure her.

"Fuck that, I'm coming over." She tells me before hanging up and I take the next call while turning the TV on to MTV.

I just see a picture of Nikki and I on the screen as I hear, "again, congratulations to Nikki and Vivian Sixx on the news of their…"

"Hello?" I answer the call that has interrupted Sharise and I.

"Why the fuck is Page Six running a story about you being knocked up with Duff fucking McKagan's kid?!" Doc yells and I nearly fall out, starting to panic.

"Because I am, but I have no idea how the hell anybody other than Nikki and Duff know about it, Doc, I haven't even told any of my friends or family yet, I swear." I promise and I hear him curse and throw stuff around on the other end for a good two minutes before calmly saying, "this isn't good, Viv."

"No, shit, Sherlock." I reply.

"I'm going to talk to Sixx, you just stay at home--don't do anything irrational, we'll take care of this." He states, hanging up.

My phone is ringing again as soon as he hangs up.

My phone starts ringing off the hook within three minutes and I have to step outside to the back yard with Whisky to get away from it.

I'm sitting on the edge of the pool when Sharise gets here, this look of disbelief on her face.

"I had to drop Sky by my mom's, what the hell, Viv?" She asks me, sitting beside me.

"I was gonna tell you and everybody once I got past the first trimester, Sharise, I promise." I say, honestly.

"I'm not mad that you didn't, I'm just...I didn't realize you and Nikki were sleeping together again."

"We're not." I state. "And Doc said that Page Six already knows it's Duff's and has it plastered everywhere so somebody said something to somebody."

"Duff?! Holy shit, Vivian." She breathes out, her eyes wide.

"This is bad." I squeeze my eyes shut, rubbing my face. "This is so, so bad, Sharise."

"What're you gonna do?" She asks me. "I mean...when did you two even start…you know?"

"September." I tell her.

"Are you gonna admit it's Duff's or just play it off as Nikki's publicly and then privately it's gonna know Duff is really it's dad or does he even want anything to do with it?"

"Yeah, he does, and Nikki's managing." I inform her, and she nods slowly. "It's nobody's business. It's not. So I shouldn't have to explain myself to anybody but I know everybody will want an explanation and we'll just admit it's Duff's and ignore the bullshit people are gonna throw at us...I just don't want to lose any friends over this…"

"If you lose friends over this, they're not your real friends, because everybody you're close with knows exactly what kind of marriage you and Nikki have been having the past year and you've both been struggling with different things and his affair with Vanity and so I think everybody should be pretty understanding of the situation." She tells me.

"They should be. Doesn't mean they will."

"Well, the ones who matter right now will." She reassures me. "And from what I've been gathering the last six months, that doesn't include Tommy and Vince right now because I already know they're probably gonna be on Nikki's side completely."

"Yeah, so will all of the fans." I mumble.

"Well, if you're gonna confirm it's Duff's, is he gonna come out and say that he actually did have an affair with Vanity or are you just gonna be the sacrificial lamb in all this?"

"I have no idea, Sharise." I admit.

"I think he should." She states. "Because it's not gonna be fair for people to think you just went to another man and 'cheated' on Nikki out of nowhere."

"It doesn't matter what Nikki says about the Vanity thing, he's just gonna be a God and I'm gonna be a whore." I argue, sighing out.

"You really think that?"

"I know that." I state, matter of fact.

And, boy, was I right.

"Did you two talk about the relationship you have with your mother?" Amber asks Nikki.

"I haven't had time to because we've been dealing with a lot of shit right now." He states.

"Okay," she nods in understanding, because there's no way she hasn't heard what we're dealing with, now. "Do you want to talk about it now, then?" She asks.

"Yeah, I can." He agrees.

"Okay, go ahead." She leans back, letting him have the chance to talk to me.

He just stares at me, sighing out, looking as if he's struggling with talking to me about it.

"Nikki, if you don't tell her, she can't understand." She adds and he rubs the back of his neck, looking at her to help him a little bit.

"Start with dad," she suggests.

"He left when I was little." He says to me.

"And mom…"

"...And mom started spiraling when he left." He explains. "She and whatever boyfriend she'd have at the time, would drop me off with Nona and Tom for months at a time, then when she'd come get me she'd be with a different man--sometimes married to them." He continues. "And, me being the smartass I am, when I get old enough to want to voice my opinion, I'd bump heads a lot with some of the dudes she brought around and things would get physical." He says next. "But, of course, she wouldn't feel like dealing with it because I was always ruining her partying anyway, so she'd send me off, again…things got really messy when I was, like, thirteen. Me and her got into it pretty bad and she started in on me and I told her I just wanted her to fuck off--I was just tired of it, so I hurt myself and called the cops and told them she attacked me, and she was arrested and I was sent back to Idaho to be with my grandparents." His voice shakes a little and I feel my heart hurt in my chest.

I remember Nona telling me he and his mom had a lot of issues with each other, but I didn't think it was to that extent.

"Have you talked to your dad at all?" I ask him, furrowing my brows a little and he rubs his chin, shaking his head a little.

"I tried, like, ten years ago, and he told me he didn't have a son." He states. "Mom's always said I ran him off, but I was only two, so I know that's bullshit." He adds.

"When I talked to you about all of this, it was very clear that you felt discarded, inadequate, and abandoned, because you have spent a good part of your childhood yearning for your mother's approval." Amber says. "Do you think that's true?"

"Yeah." He nods.

"Jumping through hoops at times to get it, but still being ditched with your grandparents while she went on and pretended she didn't have a little boy she needed to be responsible for."

He agrees, again, and she gives him a smile.

"A woman is who her mother makes her to be and who her father says she is. A man is who his father makes him to be and who his mother says he is." She tells us. "And you didn't have a father around to make you, and all your mother told you was that you weren't appreciated, you weren't approved of, you weren't worthy of the love and attention you deserved." She states. "And you married a woman whose mother made her to strive for this unattainable level of perfection and have a complete come apart when it can't be reached, and a father who told her she wasn't worth the trouble it took to protect her." She tells us."I want to know--because it is so evident that you two carry so much resentment toward one another--what is one reason--out of many-- that it's there."

"She's always looked down on me." Nikki says it.

"Why?"

"Because I don't live like she does."

"Explain what that means."

"She believes in God, I don't. She's spent our relationship sober, I haven't. She's more modest and conservative, I'm not."

"I don't resent you for not believing in a God and not being modest and conservative--those are a few of the things I respect about you, Nikki." I argue.

"Bullshi--"

"--No, no, no cursing. Take a breath." Amber reassures him, calmly.

"She hasn't let me do what I want to do. If I do what I want to do, she's on my throat over it or guilt tripping me or attacking me over it." He states.

"Because all you've wanted to do the past three years is drugs, Nikki." I mumble.

"Go back to guilt tripping." Amber tells him. "Does she put you on a guilt trip, or are you guilty after you do something you know she would not like for you to do and you beat yourself up for it?" She asks.

"She just shuts down."

"She shuts down?"

She looks at me.

"Why do you shut down when he does something you don't like?"

"Because it's always drugs or something mean he does when he's on drugs, and I don't want to be around it, but most times I can't get away from it so I just go somewhere else, mentally." I admit.

"And you see when she does that, and it makes you feel bad." Amber says to him.

"Yeah."

"That's not guilt tripping you, Nikki, that's her protecting herself because you won't." She points out. "Vivian, what's one of the reasons you carry resentment for him?"

"I'm not a priority." I tell her.

"The amount of money I've spent on you since we got together, and you're not a priority?!" He asks me, pissed and shocked I have the audacity to say that.

"Buying me a house and a new car and getting me nice things isn't showing me I'm a priority, Nikki, it's just you feeling bad for the shit you've done and buying me things to make yourself feel better for it. I'm grateful that you've made sure I've been taken care of in the sense that I've never gone hungry, I've never been out on the street, I've never had to go without utilities and hot water and things like that, and I've lived a spoiled life in terms of finances and the car I drive and the house we've lived in. You're a great provider--you just…we wouldn't be in this position if you didn't choose drugs over me." I say to him.

"I haven't." He argues.

"You blew off our wedding night to go to a party with Tommy." I remind him and Amber raises her brows. "Then you got in that accident on your way back home and hurt your shoulder and started smoking heroin to get through the pain so you could finish the album." I add and he rolls his jaw. "I love everything about you, except your drug abuse. And I've been so angry because there is no line with you. You just keep getting worse and worse and then turn around and convince yourself that I'm ungrateful and I don't approve of who you are because I'm perpetually bitter about the marriage I've been in--and it's all my fault in your eyes. Everything bad that's happened is all my fault."

"I don't think that, I just put blame on you where it's due, you just refuse to see that you're a problem in all of this, too." He explains.

"If you weren't on smack, we wouldn't have problems, Nikki."

"Vivian." He says it as if saying, "you know that's bullshit."

"What?"

"The amount of times me or somebody would tell you to take your medication and you'd blow us off and just let yourself get more--"

"--You can't compare depression to drug addiction. Depression didn't turn me into a completely different person. You shot me, Nikki. You shot me. And that still didn't make you realize you needed to get sober."

"You've physically assaulted me and other people, Vivian, in a frenzy, and still didn't see the issue with your mental state."

"You've put your hands on me before, too, so don't make me sound like--"

"--I've grabbed you a few times and that's been when you were trying to beat me. So don't start that shit." He snaps. "The times I physically hurt you, I was doped up and wasn't thinking straight. The times you've physically hurt me and other people, you were sober, you just weren't taking your medicine. So you can keep saying that I chose drugs over you, but the amount of times you've chosen your pride and, 'I don't need to be on medicine,' over me is just as bad." He says. "If you weren't so damn angry all the time over tiny shit."

"No, no, it's not just her being angry over tiny things. It's you getting with a seventeen year old girl, and placing the responsibilities of a forty-one year old mother on her." She adds and he breathes out. "Your wife has been raising you the past seven years. She's your wife. She's not your mama. And you have been punishing her like she is. Her not wanting you to destroy yourself with drugs doesn't equate to the times your mother wouldn't let you dress the way you wanted to dress, or do the artistically productive things you wanted to do that she couldn't understand that you'd fight about. This woman was seventeen years old. You had no business being twenty-two and seeing a seventeen year old, let alone putting that much weight and expectation on her shoulders and getting angry and saying she didn't appreciate you because she didn't know how to handle it all while every year you'd push further and further." She goes on. "Years of anger and resentment and bitterness towards your mother, all turned loose on a girl who didn't cause any of it, just because she didn't want you running yourself into a grave." She adds, pointedly. "When me and you first started working together to get to the bottom of all of this, you told me that she went from worshipping the ground you walked on, to being an evil demon from hell--do you remember saying that?"

He hesitantly replies, quietly, "yes."

"Do you realize that you have done everything in your power to verbally, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually beat the hell out of the very girl who saw you as her God before she was even old enough to really know who God was?" She asks him. "All because the woman who made you feel like you weren't worth the trouble it took to stay around and raise you, was never there to answer for her actions so you started chopping at the next one in line."

"Okay, I get it, I'm fucked up, I fucked her up, I've ruined our marriage, it's all my fault, and she's the innocent angel who was seduced by me and dragged to hell, I get." He stands up.

"Nikki," Amber starts.

"Nikki," I say as he steps to the door, "we can't fix this if you--"

"--Yeah, fix this." He flicks me off before slamming the door.

I grind my teeth and stomp after him, ignoring Amber's warning against it.

"You are such an asshole!" I bark at him, following him.

"Wow, I've never heard that one before!" He laughs humorlessly.

"Nikki, seriously, she got all over me for being mad at you for sleeping with two-hundred girls, you can take her pointing out that you hate me because I remind you--"

"--I don't hate you, Vivian, alright?" He stops, turning to face me.

"Well, you're really acting like it." I cross my arms.

"I don't. I'm just pissed that you refuse to accept that I'm not the only problem in this shit show and if you wanna work on us you need to realize that you'r--"

"--Baby," I breathe out, grabbing at his hand and he rubs his forehead, "I know it's my fault, too, but it's just…" I blink back tears, looking away from him.

"...Just what?" He asks.

"Embarrassing." I wipe my eyes, sniffling. "It's embarrassing having to sit there, pregnant with another dude's baby, and tell a stranger about how I've abused my husband and people around me."

"You think it's not embarrassing for me to sort through shooting you and strangling you and still not walking away from drugs?" He asks. "Don't even get me started on having to tell you I've cheated that many fucking times and even had a mistress?" He adds…"I think I've embarrassed myself, and you, more than you've embarrassed yourself and me."

"I'm pregnant. And it's gone public. And it's not yours. And it's gone public. I think I've won with which one of us has embarrassed the other the most." I mumble.

"Well, I'm not embarrassed. Those people don't know shit." He tells me, furrowing his brows.

"I am." I say, trying not to cry again.

I'm taken back a little when he hugs me, tightly…"Why didn't you tell me about your mom?" I him, my face in his chest, tears rolling down my cheeks.

"Because I didn't want to bother you with it." He says.

"I wouldn't have been bothered by it, Nikki." I sniffle, looking up at him.

He blinks a couple times and breathes out.

"There's a basket on the closet shelf at home with several of my journals in it." He explains. "Filled with things I didn't want to bother you with." He adds. "I really think if you feel too embarrassed or ashamed, reading those will prove my point that I've been worse than you have." He admits.

"I'm pregnant--"

"--I know you are." He grabs the sides of my face, looking me in the eyes. "Just read them if you want to, but I say a lot of shit in there I wrote when I was high, so there's your warning." He adds.

"Are you sure you want me to read them?" I ask.

"Yeah."

***I wish he would've said, "no," because I screwed myself over while reading them.***

NIKKI

I turned into a senseless moron the second she got ahold of my hand, looked at me with watery, pretty eyes, and said, "baby."

I would've let a train hit me if I knew it would've made her feel less embarrassed and ashamed. I didn't think reading my journals would've made her feel better--just help her gain an understanding that she's the smart one out of the two of us…

If this was one year ago, I'd have her face down on a mattress, making up for our argument.

But obviously that isn't much of a solution...so I just pull away and smile with my teeth at her the best I can, feeling better when her thumbs graze over my dimples and she smiles, too.

"I'm sorry I was rude in there." She tells me, next.

"I'm sorry for being an asshole." I reply, honestly…

"Do you really think I look down on you because you don't believe the same things I do?"

"Sometimes, I guess." I admit to her.

"I don't." She tells me. "I never really have." She adds. "I just don't like when you make fun of it or mock it."

"...Yeah, 'Wild Side' was kinda a dick move…" I tell her and she looks at me.

"A catchy dick move." She says. "And I like the song, I just wish you wouldn't have made it simply to spite me for the most part."

"I'll try not to use my powers for evil against you again." I assure her…"But you gotta quit using sex to try to get out of stuff, and I will, too." I say next. "This shit's so hard because we don't talk about stuff, and we never have, and it's just better to go ahead and embarrass ourselves and talk about it instead of trying to fix it with something we can obviously go get from other people--and have gone and gotten from other people."

"And we can't blow up on each other when we do try to talk and work things out." She adds. "So no screaming at each other."

"And no hitting." I say.

"Ever." She agrees.

I hold my pinkie out to her and she smiles softly, taking it with hers before I kiss her cheek and pull her to me again.

I didn't know, a week from then, I'd be screaming up a storm from learning about seven fucking miscarriages from '83 to '87 that she didn't tell me about.

#gateway drug #nikki sixx #nikki sixx x oc #nikki sixx fanfiction

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bookwyrminspiration · 3 years ago

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(Ophelia) I’d be happy to see any of your grandmother’s works if you’d want to show them. (This is in response to what you said in the tags of our previous conversation.) If you no longer feel comfortable showing it that’s okay too, opinions change over time. Either way, I’m sure the bears look lovely as they are your grandmother’s handiwork. Also, Happy Holidays if there are any that you celebrate at this time. That might sound a bit strange to say after the rest of this message, I’m sorry if it does.

oh hello ophelia!! that's very sweet of you, and I'd love to show some of my grandma's work! I don't have access to a lot of it, seeing as I live halfway across the country and also she wasn't well enough to make things for the last several years, but I do have a few things that I can show!

(I'm putting this under a readmore so I don't take up space with the photos! and also me talking)

[ID: Two white bear-like stuffed animals sitting with each other in a chair. One is a lot bigger than the other, about the size of a child. The body is stuffed a lot more than the legs and arms, making it very round. It wears nothing but a homemade hat and bowtie, a faint smile on its face. The second bear is very similar, only closer to a normal stuffed animal size and sitting in the lap of the first bear. This one wears a plain red hair with a purple plume and stripped overalls. A green tie is attached to the front and all items of clothing are made by my grandma. /End ID.]

These are the bears that I mentioned in the other post!! They're bears closer to the way a teddy bear is a bear and not like an actual bear, but they've been around for as long as I can remember. They're probably older than me. And also they do have ears you just can't really see them! My sister and I each have a specific thing associated with grandma's house from all our visits. Mine is the clock that tells time that doesn't exist (now that I type this I'm realizing I don't think I've actually mentioned that on tumblr, only on discord. so if I haven't and you'd like an explanation I'd be more than happy to!! it was always one of my favorite parts of visiting) and my sister's are these two bears.

We always stay in the same room when we visit (as in we sleep together in the same room, and the room we stay in is the same every time), and both the clock and the bears are located in said room. There's actually a huge collection of dolls that my grandma made that are currently just sitting on a the shelves in her sewing room. Wait hang on I think I actually have a picture I can add.

[ID: A very cluttered collection of shelves. Every available surface has some kind of doll or stuffed animal on it, things with faces like scarecrows, others with bodies like mice and bears, others similar to cabbage patch dolls. All are made by my grandma. It's not clear in the picutre, but the area is very dusty and looks like it shouldn't be disturbed. /End ID.]

So these are the kinds of things she would make! Well, one small section of the things she made. She made a lot of clothes, too. Anything sewing related. She made quilts (i'll get to that later) and dresses and pants and shirts and vests and aprons. In fact, the only apron I've ever had that I can remember was made by her. It's still hanging in the kitchen for whenever I need it, I just don't usually wear an apron when I bake.

Going back to the clothes thing, I wasn't around enough for her to really make me a wardrobe the way she did for my mom as a kid, but she would always make my sister and I these pajama dresses. She'd make us one every Christmas and I wore them so much. There was this one with heart fabric that I loved so much I wore it even when the cuffs fell off after so many washes (idk why we didn't just...repair the before they got to that stage, but it's fine!) I still have one of them in my dresser, but I haven't worn it in a long time. It'd probably be really short on me now (not completely unwearable, just teetering on the edge), but I wore them so much as a kid. I don't have a photo of it though.

but back to the bears real quick! I got distracted by the dolls

[ID: A close up photo of the hat the large bear was wearing in the first photo. It's covered in sewing materials like buttons, a pin cushion, and spools of various colored threads. Instead of a ribbon, a tape measure is wrapped around the base. The pattern of the base fabric isn't obvious, but it seems to be several different floral fabrics. /End ID.]

This is the hat that the big bear wears!! I think it's interesting enough to get it's own photo because it looks so cool. I don't think it would ever be practical for an actual person to wear, but it's great for the bear! and seeing as she worked at fabric stores for like a decade and a half, she had a lot of access to things like pin cushions and spools of thread. I mean, she's also got a ton of them in her sewing room, but she always preferred the magnetic pin holders and liked to use the thread to actually sew things.

I actually sewed with her at least once, but never anything like this. I wasn't experienced enough at the time, so she was mainly showing me how to use this hemming machine. I'd used a regular sewing machine before (and still use it to this day), but not the hemming one. You know how clothes sometimes have that hem that looks all loopy and crossed over itself? that's what the machine does. I'd like to have one, but I don't sew enough at the moment to justify it. I' good with the Bernina my family has, which is like a 1008 or something.

But moving on!

[ID: A quilt on my bed with a repeating pattern. The backgroung is a bunch of various colored small squares in cool colors. The squares don't really have patterns, but are more demure. This allows the yellow four-pointed stars to stand out more, and they are evenly spaced throughout the entire quilt.]

This! this quilt is the main thing I have that my grandma made. As a seamstress, she decided that she wanted to make each of her grandchildren a quilt. There are seven of us, so we each got a quilt. Mine is currently on my bed (there was a period of time where I would have it intentionally upside down because I liked the back fabric), but my sister's is stored away so I don't remember what it looks like. I also don't think I've ever seen my cousins' quilts at all, but I know we all have them.

The quilt has a little tag in the corner that isn't picture that has my name on it with a little Love Grandma on it. Well, it has my deadname, but that's because she made it before I changed my name. I actually have a few children's books sewn by her with my deadname too, but that's from when I was like a toddler so I don't mind.

I've made a quilt before myself, but never anything like this. I made a small tessellation quilt for a project in 4th grade (yea, that was an assigned project in fourth grade for some reason) and another more freestyle one for a contest in 5th grade, which I won 1st place in. But those were on a much smaller scale than this quilt.

When I was younger I loved to find the mistakes in the quilt, because even experts mess things up sometimes. In a quilt with a repeating pattern like this, the mistakes are the orientations of some of the quilt squares, so the stars and their points don't all line up properly. And given that it is a repeating pattern, it would take me a few minutes to find them each time because everything blends together and also I would forget where the mistakes were.

so those are a few of the things my grandma made that we have around the house. There are others like our sewing bag and all the photos my parents probably have of those pajama dresses, but I hope you enjoyed at least part of it! She was an incredibly talented seamstress and loved everything to do with sewing. She even requested that an image of a sewing machine be put on her headstone, though I don't think that's been done yet.

It's because of her that I got introduced to some of the crafts I enjoy like latchhooking and crossstitching, so it's nice to be able to share some of her crafts.

And happy holidays to you, too! My family isn't huge on Christmas (it technically isn't our holiday as we're baha'i, but we have enough family and friends who celebrate that we get sucked in and just go with it). And it's not a weird thing to say after that message! If you celebrate Christmas, I hope you enjoyed it <33

#she had so many projects #I only ever got to see a small small percentage #but her being a seamstress meant my mom learned a lot #and even though she never really got into it she was able to teach me some #my mom often jokes that the creative gene skipped her and went straight to me #and even though I focus more on literature and fantasy I do still love fabric crafts #i hope to do more soon #I love altering my clothes #I just forget that I can #but I hope you enjoyed some of this!!#she was great when it came to sewing #quil's queries #ophelia nonsie #tw death

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terramythos · 4 years ago

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TerraMythos 2021 Reading Challenge - Book 1 of 26

Title: Annihilation (The Southern Reach #1) (2014) - REREAD

Author: Jeff VanderMeer

Genre/Tags: Horror, Science Fiction, Ecological Horror, Cosmic Horror, Weird, First-Person, Unreliable Narrator, Female Protagonist

Rating: 10/10

Date Began: 1/01/2021

Date Finished: 1/05/2021

Along an isolated stretch of coast lies Area X, a pristine wilderness which appeared decades ago and decimated all human civilization within its borders. The only people to enter since have been official expeditions overseen by the mysterious Southern Reach. Annihilation follows the twelfth expedition, an all-female party of four including a psychologist, an anthropologist, a surveyor, and a biologist.

The biologist has a secret; her husband was a member of the doomed eleventh expedition. He returned a shell of his former self before being quarantined and suddenly dying of systemic cancer. She seeks answers for what happened to him. But after the party discovers a strange underground staircase with a manic sermon written along the wall, she soon finds herself infected by Area X itself.

I am walking forever on the path from the border to base camp. It is taking a long time, and I know it will take even longer to get back. There is no one with me. I am all by myself. The trees are not trees the birds are not birds and I am not me but just something that has been walking for a very long time...

Full review, some spoilers, and content warning(s) under the cut.

Content warnings for the book: graphic violence and gore. Lots (LOTS) of body horror. Some non graphic sexual content. Mind control/hypnotic suggestion is a plot point, but there's an implication it goes beyond that. There's a pervasive sense of unreality.

Part of me wishes I could read this book, and series, for the first time again. Annihilation is a short read with a weird, disturbing horror story at its core. Area X feels vibrant and alive in creepy ways, and the mental effect it has on the few human characters is profound. It's basically a peaceful nature preserve, but there's something deeply unsettling about the state of decay, oddly aware creatures, pervasive sense of being watched, and how it twists the minds of the characters. The biologist's asocial view of the world colors how she interacts with the setting and the conclusions she draws about Area X, The Southern Reach, the Tower, the lighthouse, and everything in between. The result is an eerie story with a scientific, almost clinical narrator experiencing something beyond human understanding.

But only parts of the overall mystery surrounding Area X are solved in Annihilation; there is an explanation, there are enough hints to figure it out, but good fucking luck. You learn there's some kind of conspiracy and shady shit going on, and the biologist gets some things right... but also some things wrong. This is either infuriating or enough of a tease to encourage one to read the rest of the series (back in 2015, I was the latter). While Annihilation is self-contained, it leaves more questions than answers.

On a reread, everything is different. One thing I admire about VanderMeer is how he integrates hints and foreshadowing without making them too obvious; something I noticed with his Ambergris series as well. In Annihilation, some of this is thematic stuff that doesn't pay off until later books ("desolation tries to colonize you"). Sometimes the biologist draws the right conclusion for the wrong reasons (everything about the psychologist and how she seems burdened). Or some things are way more horrifying with later information (why the moaning creature is Like That even though the dolphins and other animals are almost normal).

Probably my favorite example, though, is eight pages in, the biologist mentions a weird vision she had. It's a throwaway line; just one of a dozen examples on how Area X affects the mind. With later knowledge, though, it's literally foreshadowing the biologist's fate in the final book, Acceptance. You can piece together later bits within Annihilation to see how significant this moment is, but I don't think most will. And there's just tons of stuff like that that doesn't come off as important, but is a little treat for anyone rereading the story.

I guess what I'm saying here is that as much as I like the base story of Annihilation, it's better in many ways on a reread. I wish I could remember my original impressions, because now they're inextricably affected by my knowledge of what happens later in the series. I know that the mystery of it all enthralled me, but I also know lots of people drop the first book due to a lack of concrete answers. If I were to read it again for the first time, who would I be?

Besides that, something I like about this book is the gradual dissemination of information. We start in the thick of Area X and the doomed twelfth expedition, but there are several sequences where the biologist will reflect on her past and her relationship to her husband, which add context to everything else. It's just a structural choice, but one I personally like; it makes her backstory relevant without detracting from the horror or killing the pacing. I like the glimpses of her “ordinary” life and how it juxtaposes/complements the bizarre nature of Area X.

And the horror factor is just on point. VanderMeer really shines when writing horror because everything just feels... off. Something terrible is happening, but a lot of it is psychological or just out of reach. And when the creepiness is more overt (i.e meeting The Crawler), it's great, jarring cosmic horror. Lighthouses are a special interest of mine, so I love seeing a horror story with one as a focal point (so to speak). I dig how Area X feels like a character in the story; the mark of a good setting, especially in horror.

To me Annihilation is a comfort read despite being a disturbing horror story. I like seeing all the moving parts and knowing how it works, and it's a very short novel compared to Authority and Acceptance. I highly recommend this series if you're looking for a creepy, cerebral story which uses nature as the backbone for cosmic horror. For those who have seen the movie, it's a much different story with a similar tone, so if you wanted more... good news! Read the books! But they're also pretty weird and sometimes dense reads, so not for everyone.

I'll be rereading Authority next, which I remember is longer with slower pacing. Let's see how it goes!

#2021 reading challenge #taylor reads #10/10 #rereading an old fave series!

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