#I'll hopefully get to draw again once I'm home.

[gethoce]

I’m sorta curious on what your ocs would think of gizmo but sorta scared since I know the answer for the most part. SO! 👏

Five Star Fury Gizmo! He got all Wishing Star Fragments and is READY to prove everyone in Popstar wrong! How do the others react to this?

Alright, let's see here…

Heiadoze: Whether she likes someone or not solely depends on how much fun they are to her on a scale between fun, not fun and unfun. Gizmo seems like he'd at least be entertaining for her to watch at this point. I say she'd like him a little!

Xandos: He likes very very few people. Whoever gets along with Meta Knight he tolerates. That he got along with Meta Knight at one point scores Gizmo some points, but as soon as that is no longer the case those points are back to zero.

Pitchion/Blood Knight: He'd be very sympathetic towards Gizmo given that he too struggled with similar issues and be the most supportive. He'd be rooting for him the whole way through!

Eon-Eon Dutch: They do have the whole thing in common in being "another Kirby", but Dutch would be much more hesitant to ever battle against Kirby in a serious manner. Kirby's enemies are pretty much all his enemies as well automatically.

Valfrey: She'd be so so interested in watching him! Valfrey would be very curious about him as a Mock Matterborn and happily observe his new abilities. She would be a fan!

Ultra Knight: It primarily only likes those who worship it or are at least somewhat useful to it, but as a creator itself it'll have some respect towards Gizmo for his gadgets and how he managed to gain power despite his disadvantages. Also the whole conflict between him and the Star Allies is a very welcome distraction from its own evil deeds!

Gatteka: He doesn't like conflict at all, therefore any sympathy he might have had towards Gizmo would have faded away upon seeing him turn against the Star Allies. It reminds him of very bad things.

Ume: Similar to Valfrey, Ume would be extremely interested in the Mock Matterborn and his abilities, but in a more cold-hearted scientist kind of way. He would like him in the worst way possible.

[kozidraws]

.

[ssahotchnerr]

Could you write something where someone compliments Hotch for "babysitting" and "helping out" when hes out with his kids and he gets all 😑😑 do you mean parenting my children?

standard parenting

omg LOL cw; dad!aaron, reader is referred to as mom, a ton of domestic fluff, very light suggestiveness (hehe reader and aaron are soo in love <3) wc; 1.2k

"Jack." Aaron moved forward, spotting his son as he climbed up a curved ladder, at the ready if he were to suddenly slip. "Careful."

"I am." He took the last, big step, his hands gripping the supporting bars and landing on the platform safely. "I've done this two times already Dad."

"Help your sister down the slide, okay? I'll meet the two of you at the bottom."

"Okay." He confirmed, beelining down a rattly bridge in the direction of Ellie.

It was approximately 3 pm on a Tuesday, the park filled with the afternoon rush of children freshly out of school. A doctor's appointment had brought Aaron out of the BAU early, and after picking up Jack from school, Ellie from preschool, he figured there was no better way to burn off energy than the playground.

Hopefully it allowed for a quiet, relaxing night at home, with both kids in bed at a decent time.

Aaron stood at the bottom of the slide, peering upwards and squinting - he had regretfully left his sunglasses in the car. Ellie stood at the top, looking a bit lost once her turn was next, the slide intimidatingly large for a newly four-year-old.

"Jack's coming, honey."

It took some convincing; Aaron reassuring her he was right there, there to catch her if she overshot into the mulch. Jack would be right behind her. Further hesitation on her end: Do you want Jack to go first? No. Are you sure you want to go down? Yes.

Finally down came Ellie, giggling profusely and not paying a mind to the static the slide caused (Aaron mentally winced at the sound). Jack followed soon after.

"See, there you go." Aaron praised, hands moving to his hips.

"Again, please please please." Ellie whined gently, looking up at Aaron with her identically adjacent brown eyes. It was something she was beginning to master, the puppy dog look that could cause him to cave within seconds.

He was in for it.

"Sure pumpkin." Aaron grinned down at his little piggy-tail headed daughter. "Just a few more times though, Mom's waiting at home."

"C'mon Ellie. I'll race you." Jack suggested, kicking up dirt as he bolted off without waiting for a distinct answer. She ran after him, as fast as her small legs could carry her.

Aaron called out after him, "The stairs, Jack."

"I know!"

"Cute kids."

A mother - Aaron inferred - commented, falling alongside him. Aaron's eyes continued to track the two of them, ensuring they remained together and stayed far away from any arched ladders. They dashed up the stairs, into the depths of the play structure.

Aaron offered her a friendly smile in return, "Thank you."

"It's nice to see someone so attentive for a change." She huffed, notably an impressed breath. "Most babysitters just sit on the bench on their cell phone."

Aaron's expression dropped; a mix of confusion and dumbfound, his smile gradually fading. The only thing going through his mind: I'm sorry, what?

"Well, I'm not like most babysitters." He frowned, pressing his lips together and eyebrows drawing into a line.

"Good for you." She commended, not taking the hint. A child called out to her, causing her to move forward. "See ya."

She left, but scowl on his face stayed.

It hadn't put him in a bad mood, but rather, a dulled mood. The inference could've been an honest mistake, it most likely was, but it settled funny within him.

Only at Ellie's, 'Daddy look!' did his face brighten up. For them.

-

"Hi Momma!" Ellie bounded into the kitchen, nearly crashing into you and smiling from ear to ear. "We're home!"

Jack added to her status report, voices intertwining. "Dad took us to the park!"

"It looks like you two had fun." You grinned, using the pad of your thumb to swipe away an unblended bout of sunscreen on the side of Jack's nose. You also took note of his grass stained sweats, and the dirt scuff on Ellie's knees.

"We did! Jackers helped me down the slide and Daddy pushed me on the swings-"

"No one pushed me on the swings." Aaron commented, his hand finding the small of your back momentarily as he brushed past.

"That's 'cause you're big." Ellie made a face at her father.

"Can we go again on Saturday?" Jack asked, "I wanna bring my soccer ball."

"We'll have to see what we're up to, bud," Aaron answered, also fetching him a cup of cold water. The car ride consisted of Jack stating how thirsty he was, and how he refused to drink the lukewarm water his bottle held. "But I don't see why not."

Meanwhile, Ellie plopped herself onto the floor, pulling off her shoes and dumping the remnants of lingering mulch onto the floor.

"Hey hey hey let's not do that." You said, your nose scrunching lightly too; the normal kid-stink that followed after an afternoon spent in the sun. "And baths, both of you. Go on, I'll be there in a second."

Ellie's voice carried as she ventured up, something along the lines of bringing her mermaid Barbie in the tub with her. You ruffled Jack's hair gently as he passed, pressing a kiss to his sweaty head.

"You know what someone said to me today?" Aaron asked, turning towards the sink to wash his hands.

"Aren't you forgetting something first?"

He stopped, a knowing smile forming on his face. "How dare I."

Aaron moved forward, hands finding your waist to pull you near, placing his lips onto yours for a few seconds. Albeit how short it was, you savored it; coming home after a long, long day.

Satisfied, "Enlighten me."

He paused to actually wash his hands, flicking the water droplets off once he finished. You tossed him the hand towel that happened to be nearby.

"Someone mistook me for a babysitter."

"What?" You snorted out a laugh.

"Left me speechless." He exasperatedly rolled his eyes, wiping his hands and throwing the towel back onto the counter. "Can you believe that?"

"Well, you know how some people can be." You shrugged. Your statement wasn't much help, but what could you do.

"Oblivious?"

"What prompted it?"

"Standard parenting. I was simply keeping a close eye. The slide made Ellie nervous, Jack was being a bit adventurous today, and the playground itself was a nightmare. Everyone had the same idea I did, it was packed."

You hummed in response, dumping the neglected water from Jack and Ellie's water bottles out. Aaron continued to ramble on.

"And she saw the two of them. Jack - he resembles Haley a bit more, sure. But Ellie?"

"Your twin."

"Exactly." Aaron scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest. "Babysitter. How in the world does that title come to mind before Dad?"

He shook his head as his eyes found the ceiling; utter disbelief.

"You know," you raised an eyebrow, regaining his focus, "you're hot when you're fired up."

"Am I?" Aaron smirked, pulling you in again just as he did before, arm winding behind your back.

"Mom!"

A whine drifted from upstairs, Aaron pulled away from your lips with a comically heavy, defeated sigh.

You shoved him at the chest playfully, grabbing a laugh from him, heading upstairs.

"She, huh." You teased, "Are you sure it wasn't some strategically formed ploy in hopes you were unmarried? Wouldn't be the first time."

He trudged up the stairs behind you, a chuckle shaking through his chest. "I doubt it. She seemed genuine."

"And you would know." You quipped, ends of your mouth turned upwards.

"With my profiling expertise?" He bantered back, playfully patting your behind as you reached the second level. "I'd hope so."

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

The Farmer's Daughter 9

Warnings: non/dubcon, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

Characters: Walter Marshall

Summary: You notice a peculiar change in a family friend. (short!reader, sorry size kink is out)

Part of the Backwoods AU

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging.

After the tense morning, you don't speak to Walter again that day. Or the next. When he arrives, he stays outside with his thermos of coffee and waits for Timothy. At the end of the day, he gives your brother an excuse about chores at home. Maybe not an excuse. He has been spending a lot of time around here.

Nearly a week after it happened, after everything changed, your mother appears in the kitchen with a crease in her forehead. You offer her a cup off coffee as she rubs her eyes. She yawns and and shakes her head.

“We'll grab a cup at the hospital,” she says, “you're father has a check-up. Timmy's taking us.”

“Oh?” You pour yourself a mug and lean on the counter, “I forgot.”

“Lots going on,” she sighs, “can't blame you for being distracted.”

“Uh, yeah, I guess,” you shrug.

“I called Walter, left a message,” she checks the clock hung above the door, “wouldn't be too bad if he did swing by, huh?”

“Hopefully he doesn't waste the time,” you grumble.

“Honey,” she chides playfully, “you know, I think your dad would approve… if he could. He always liked Walter.”

“Mom,” you frown, “please, I have enough to worry about.”

“Oh, I'm sorry,” she whines, “I'm just… looking for a little sunshine through the clouds.”

You wince, a pang of guilt between your ribs, “I'm sorry, mom, I just… Walter's nice. He helps so much and I think… I think maybe it's too much.”

“Don't I know it.  He is so generous. I gave him some money and I found the envelope in my purse,” she tuts, “you could do much worse. He… he could take care of you.”

You exhale, “mom.”

“Just listen,” her tone turns dire and her eyes gleam, “your pa can't. He's not gonna be able to ever again. I already know what the doc's gonna day and you shouldn't fool yourself. Walter won't help forever, not for no good reason. And next year, your pa won't be back on his tractor…” she sniffles and dabs her nose, “those days are behind us.”

“Ma, you don't know–”

“I do,” she utters solemnly, “I see the man I married but he's hollow. He's… a shell, honey. He's there but he's not really.”

“Oh, ma–”

“I'm just saying… we need to weigh our options. I'll look into selling if we gotta and Timmy, maybe he can go work with Walt–”

“Aren't you getting ahead of yourself?” You cross an arm around your middle.

“We shoulda been talking about this a week ago,” she shakes her head.

“Well, I can apply at the grocer or–”

“You do that,” she says, “but you think real hard. You got options,” she steps closer and cups your cheeks, “you're a pretty young thing. That doesn't last forever.”

You don't say a word as her greyness seeps into you. She draws away and you bow your head. You wait for her to go as you stare into the black depths of the coffee. You take a sip to try to chase away the ice in your veins but it only sends a shiver through you.

🌾

Your parents go off with Timmy in the truck. You set to sweeping the porch to keep yourself busy. Your mother's words ring in your ears. She can't be serious, there's more out there than the farm. Pa always said as much and you don't think he meant Walter.

As you get to the steps, the distant rumble of an engine rolls over the ground. You turn as gravel grits under treads and Walter's large truck lazily rocks along the bumpy road. You still the straw broom and grip the handle as he pulls up. Did he not get your mother's message?

He lingers in the truck as you squint against the sunlight. His door pops open and he jumps down, sending up a cloud of dust. He goes around the bed of the truck and opens the back.

He slides out a sheet of wood and drags it towards you. You watch in confusion as he stops and leans it against the side of the porch. His eyes meet yours and his brows furrow.

“Morning,” he checks his watch, “barely.”

“Morning, Mr. Marshall,” you eke out.”

His eyes flash and he nods. He turns and marches back to the truck, pulling out several planks before carrying them over. You watch him as you lean on the broom.

“What are you doing?” You ask.

He stops and looks up at you. He points to your feet and flicks his finger up, “building a ramp. For your dad.”

You look down at your slips flecked in dirt and stray strands of straw, “oh? Didn't ma call–”

“She didn't ask,” he says bluntly. 

Your lips slant and you tilt your head, “that's real nice.”

“Yeah well, I'm a nice guy,” he huffs and spins on the heel of his boots, stomping away once more.

He goes back to the truck and retrieves his toolbox. His agitation roils off his tense shoulders and the stone set in his jaw. You're too afraid to ask but you do need to. He has been avoiding you.

“Well, I'll stay out of your way,” you lift the broom and back up the stairs. “If you need anything–”

“Not in the way,” he says curtly as he takes out a measuring tape.

“Oh, I know but I wouldn't wanna bother–”

“I don't mind,” he shrugs as he steps onto the stairs and measures the angle over them.

“Right, of course, do you need anything? A glass of water or–”

“Seems like I'm the one bothering,” he stands and lets the tape retract harshly.

“No?” You bat your lashes at him, “I didn't say that, Mr.--”

“Walt,” he growls, “you know what I like best in a woman. Honesty. So why don't you be honest and tell me what you really feel?”

“I…” you gulp, “Walter, er, Walt, I… I'm just… confused.”

“Don't act like a child. We both know you're not,” he crosses his arms over his broad chest. You've seen him angry before but it's never been aimed at you. 

“I… I don't know what to say. I'm sorry.”

“Sorry. Okay,” he shakes his head and unfolds his arms, going back to measuring, “I'm open to talking when you wanna be an adult.”

You flinch as you watch him. He grits his teeth, ignoring your presence as he focuses on his work. You turn, hiding the hurt deep in your chest. You never meant to hurt him but you really don't know. As much as you try to wade through your feelings, you only feel as if you're drowning in them.

[silantryoo]

BONUS [ LIKEALOOK ] — the last great american dynasty, pt 1.

jang wonyoung, throughout the years.

WARNINGS ; misogyny, toxic household, infidelity, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, absent parents, mentions of affair families, hints of eating disorders, overworking, health issues, fatphobia, implied depression, implied teenage pregnancy (5.5k)

jang wonyoung was born on august 31, 2004.

the newborn was nine pounds and twenty-one inches. with a head of dark, thick hair, the baby's cries rang throughout the hospital room as a tired jang jiyoung could feel the tears welting in her eyes. her baby was alive, and healthy by the sound of it. it was music to her ears.

her baby. her beautiful baby.

she could already imagine it. her beautiful baby boy, inheriting the jang name, passing it on. he'd run for office, just like his father, upholding its integrity, its strength. jiyoung would introduce him to one of her costar's friends, and they'd get married. he'd take care of her, as jiyoung would help his pregnant wife get settled into the family.

she loved her baby boy. her perfect little wonyoung.

"what would you like to name her?"

jiyoung's heart dropped.

her?

"i'm sorry?"

she must've heard wrong. it was just the post-labor haze that had been talking. not only would wonseok reprimand her for not producing an heir to the jang name, but she wouldn't have anyone to take care of her once she grew old.

at least, not someone capable.

the baby's cries continued, almost as if the baby was begging for a glimpse of its mom. with tiny little hands outstretched in the direction of jiyoung, tears poured down its chubby cheeks.

her baby. her baby girl.

"wonyoung." she said half-heartedly. "i'll name her jang wonyoung."

jang wonyoung was imperfect from the start.

her cheeks were too chubby.

any normal four-year-old would have been praised. chubby cheeks were a sign of health, a sign that your baby was eating well.

wonyoung knew it from the way her mom would stare at her, sometimes even pinching her cheeks harshly, almost as if she was trying to pull off the fat on them.

she tried to ignore it, always opting to color peacefully and blink the tears away.

she always drew four people.

her mom, hair flowing to her shoulders, her eyes the same doe-eyed ones as wonyoung. wonyoung always drew her with an angry expression. it was only on tv that wonyoung saw her smile. the youngest jang always stayed up to see her mom smile.

one day, she wanted to see it in person.

her dad was there too, who she rarely saw, but always held a frown whenever he came home. she noticed that he always smelt different, sometimes like the dark, but other times, like flowers. her dad was always serious, even when he was with her mom.

there was also her nanny, a middle-aged woman named hannah, drawn with a smile that made wonyoung feel warm and safe. from what she told wonyoung, she had been working for jiyoung back when she was lee.

wonyoung wondered if her mom smiled back then.

lastly, in the middle, the four-year-old stood. she'd draw herself out in blue crayon, holding her parents' hands with a happy smile. she wished they had a photo like that, instead of the rigid ones that they kept above the fireplace.

hopefully, she'd get a younger sibling soon, so she could love more people.

"enough drawing, wonyoung." her mom snatched her masterpiece away, eyebrows furrowed like the pictures. "your dad is coming home soon."

"he is?" she hoped that he smelt like flowers again.

"he is." jiyoung's face hardened. "you have to go to your room now."

"but i want to see him." she hadn't seen her dad in two months. her mom always said he was at the office, helping the next candidate for the upcoming election (whatever that meant). wonyoung didn't care though. all she wanted was to see her dad again.

jiyoung let out a long sigh, and wonyoung could feel the guilt starting to build up in her chest.

did she make her mom mad again?

"he's in a bad mood, wonyoung." her lips were in a tight line, and wonyoung could see her jaw clenching.

she just wanted her mom to smile at her for once. she wanted to stop making her angry, and her dad happy.

the young girl's eyes brightened, her cheeks turning a light red.

"i can cheer him up!" her dad always laughed at her jokes. if she could get him to smile, wonyoung was sure she could make him feel better. "my friend, sarang, taught me a magic trick. if i can just show dadd-"

"i said," her mom's voice was strict and firm, not the smooth melody she heard on tv. "go to your room, wonyoung."

"but-" wonyoung could cheer him up! she knew she could.

jiyoung sighed. of course, wonyoung would disobey her. she shouldn't have expected anything else from the younger girl.

"do you want him to be mad at you?" the older woman scolded her, jiyoung's finger pointing at the four-year-old in front of her. "do you want him to know that you're a stupid little girl who doesn't listen to her mom?"

stupid.

wonyoung hadn't heard that word before, not until now. her mom had always called her other things; annoying, loud, irritating, but she had never heard stupid before.

she didn't know why it made her feel bad.

"what?" wonyoung could feel herself shrinking into her seat, gripping onto the blue crayon in her hand. "what's stupid?"

"you." jiyoung's eyes were numb, void of all emotions. wonyoung hated it when her mom looked at her like that. "you're being an annoying, stupid little girl right now."

stupid? was she stupid?

wonyoung could feel herself crying.

she didn't want to be stupid. she just wanted to make her dad happy. she just wanted to spend time with him, even when he smelt weird, like the cabinet her mom would open frequently.

"i just wanna see daddy..." wonyoung hiccuped. her lip quivered as her mom glared at her, huffing.

her mom was mad. it was wonyoung's fault, again.

maybe wonyoung was a stupid little girl.

she didn't want to be stupid.

"he doesn't wanna see you." jiyoung whispered, her voice piercing the young jang.

wonyoung hung her head low.

she knew it deep down. she knew that her dad's laughs were to shoo her away. wonyoung could see it by the way he looked at her, and no matter how hard she tried, no matter how funny her jokes were, wonseok wouldn't look her way. even when she showed him her drawings, all he would do was nod.

wonyoung was a stupid girl.

"go to your room, wonyoung."

wonyoung nodded, her bottom lip quivering as she packed up her crayons. she cradled the box against her body, rushing upstairs as jiyoung poured herself a glass of wine.

the four-year-old swung the door open, jumping into her already-made bed. the box of crayons squished against the pale blue covers, various pinks, and reds staining them. it was warm in her room, blindingly bright for a night at 9pm. if wonyoung wasn't crying so much, she'd ask hannah to turn down the lamp and turn on her rabbit night light.

she loved rabbits. they looked like her mom.

"wonyoung." hannah laughed at the little girl, sitting beside her faced-down head. "your crayons."

wonyoung stayed quiet, letting her bed soak up the tears pouring down her face. she tried her best to be quiet, to not disturb anyone, just like her mom taught her.

hannah could still hear her sniffling, though.

the older woman rubbed the back of wonyoung's shirt, feeling the young heiress gasping for air. "what's wrong?"

wonyoung lifted her head up, squinting as she tried to adjust to the room's brightness. she could see the han river from where she was, the water glistening into the jang household.

the four-year-old looked at her caretaker, the kind woman smiling at her.

"mama told me to go up here." her voice was as tiny as she was. "she said daddy was coming, and that he was upset."

wonyoung was upset too, but she was okay with being upset if it meant wonseok would look her way.

"why are you crying then?"

she was crying because she was stupid. she was crying because she never got to spend time with her dad, and her mom only looked her way when wonyoung listened to her.

she was crying because she was jang wonyoung, and her parents didn't want jang wonyoung.

"mama said i can't see him." she hummed as the nanny stroked her hair, comfort washing throughout her body. "he'd get mad at a stupid girl like me."

hannah frowned.

she was worried that jiyoung would turn out like this, bitter and cruel to the younger girl. jiyoung had always resembled her mother, even back when the eldest lee was a baby. hannah had always hoped that she wouldn't hold the same parenting style as her.

"wonyoung." hannah bit back the quiver of her voice. no girl, especially someone as sweet as the young heiress, should ever think of themselves in such a way. "don't call yourself stupid. you're a very smart girl."

wonyoung shook her head. every word her parents had said was a sense of truth to the young child. every glare, every sigh made her feel sad. it made her hurt.

it made her feel worthless.

(but the four year-old didn't know that word yet, and it wouldn't be a couple years until she did. but it didn't matter, because she knew it felt the same when she was four as it did when she was twenty.)

"mama said i was." her voice was as little as she was.

jiyoung was her mother in every sense, just like she always wanted to be. hannah hoped wonyoung wouldn't meet the same fate.

"she's just stressed out right now." she felt guilty lying to the young girl, even though it was partial. "don't listen to her."

wonyoung wanted to believe hannah, so she nodded, sitting up and allowing herself to accept the excuse.

hannah smiled, her grin sending a warmth through wonyoung's body that made her feel loved. she wished that her mom would smile at her that way, but she didn't mind that it was hannah.

the woman looked at wonyoung's bed sheets, stained with the young girl's tears and her crayons.

"do you wanna help me clean this up?" hannah asked, watching as the four year-old's eyes lit up.

wonyoung always wanted to help her.

it made her miss her daughter.

"can i show you a magic trick first?" the young jang smiled, her chubby cheeks protruding from her face.

"a magic trick?" hannah asked gleefully. she pinched wonyoung's cheek lightly, trying her best to control her giddiness. she didn't understand how anyone could hate her this child. "our baby knows a magic trick?"

"can i?" wonyoung grabbed a crayon from the box, waiting for hannah's answer.

"of course, wonyoung."

wonyoung felt perfect.

wonyoung was stupid.

she didn't understand how she could get a 78% in english. perhaps she had been too enamored by their english teacher, the young woman from overseas who had cat-like eyes and a soft, comforting voice that felt like a blanket.

still, she should be doing better. she had gone to an english speaking preschool. most of her friends spoke english as well. she even had cousins across the planet that lived in english speaking countries.

the young heiress felt herself tense as she heard her father sigh beside her. her teacher, pretty and proper, sat in front of them, alongside the principal. only a dark mahogany desk separated the two parties, but wonyoung wished it was more.

"a tutor?" jang wonseok voice was sharp, yet deep and demanding. "why would she need a tutor?"

she needed a tutor because she was stupid. wonyoung was a stupid girl.

she held her tongue back, the knot in her throat increasing as she felt her father radiate anger.

"wonyoung is struggling in english." the eight year-old could hear the worry in her teacher's voice, but she didn't know if it was directed at her or at her father. "it's normal for kids her age too, but she has a hard time with the structure."

the young heiress wanted to go home. she wanted to sit in her dark room, in her closet behind the mahogany doors, the one that had twelve knots, an imperfection that was smooth to the touch.

it was the only imperfection she could bear because jang's can't come with imperfections.

wonyoung wished she wasn't a jang, or at the very least, she wasn't wonyoung.

"if it's normal then why does my daughter need it?" the young jang didn't need to turn to know that her father was scowling at the pretty girl in front of them. she could already hear it in his voice.

"well, since you did sign her up for the advanced placement in our school, it'll be hard for her to keep up with the class." her teacher was calm. wonyoung liked calm. "a tutor would help her and-"

"my daughter doesn't need a tutor."

she did. wonyoung knew she did.

but her father rarely acknowledged her, much less as his daughter. part of her had wondered if he did it purposefully, but it didn't matter. not right now, at least.

"right, wonyoung?"

wonyoung couldn't continue to be a disappointment.

"no."

"get up." her father smirked. he stood up, dusting his tailored dress pants. "we're leaving."

"yes, dad."

obedience was perfection, just like status was worth.

wonyoung just wished that it didn't have to break a part of her every time she did it.

jang wonseok stormed out, and wonyoung could feel the embarrassment fluttering across her chest. her eyes met her principal's, his face scowled in disdain.

jang's had pride, but wonyoung knew better than to leave as such.

the eight-year-old bowed. she bowed as an apology for her and her father and as a sign of respect for the two school staff who took time out of their way out of concern for her.

"jang wonyoung!"

her eyes widened, and wonyoung found herself bolting out of the room, her school bag clutched against her chest.

jang wonseok was scary.

the two made their way into wonseok's mercedes, wonyoung hopping inside, as her father started the car.

the two drove in silence, wonyoung knowing better than to speak once spoken to. she didn't want to anger her father any further, otherwise it would fall onto her mother, which would fall onto her.

she didn't have time for that. she needed to study.

her stomach grumbled lowly, the sudden sound making her head jolt up.

oh, she needed to eat too. she had forgotten about that along the way, too anxious about the parent-teacher meeting that happened to eat lunch earlier that day.

she needed to eat and then study. if she studied as soon as she got home, she would have time to draw or watch cartoons without sacrificing her grades.

was she even allowed to watch cartoons now? her mother had always called them nonsense but wonyoung liked to turn off her brain once in a while. maybe that's why she was stupid. maybe that's why she was like this.

or maybe she was just like this because she was wonyoung.

"your teacher pisses me off." wonseok turned the corner. "is she always like that?"

did she always care about wonyoung? yes, more than her father did.

but she wasn't going to tell him that.

"no."

"hm." wonseok hummed, the car coming to a halt as the traffic light turned red. he glanced at his daughter, gaze cold and stern. "you shouldn't be struggling, wonyoung. that's not how i raised you."

the young heiress wasn't raised by her father or her mother. at eight, she already knew that, and it angered her to think that they kept trying to take credit for her actions, whether it be good or bad.

hannah raised her. not jang wonseok.

but she still held his last name, like how his blood flowed through her veins, and how his title affected her daily life.

"you're a jang." the car started to move again. "jang's don't need help. you think my father helped me? you think he made me how i am?"

part of her wondered if her grandfather had treated her father like this, or if her father was just mean to be mean.

"do you understand what i'm saying?"

wonyoung nodded, obedient as ever. "yes."

"when you get home, i expect you to be studying." wonyoung frowned. her father would most likely be in his study, one that had a clear view of the kitchen. "hannah will keep an eye on you."

"hannah's sick." she was in no shape to take care of the young jang. in fact, wonyoung had been taking care of her. "she should stay in her room. i can just ask my friends-"

"how much do you know, wonyoung?" wonseok asked, practically waving her shortcomings in front of her face. the young girl stayed silent. "exactly. and your friends know as much as you do. hannah will be making sure you stay on track."

wonyoung knew better than to argue, so she listened like she always did.

"yes, dad."

wonyoung wished she could stop listening, just this once.

there were twelve knots on the inside of her mahogany-boarded closet. four were broken in half, caught in between doors while the rest scattered.

there were fifty slits on said doors, one hundred in total. she liked the way the light peaked in, and how warm she felt when it hit her face.

there were three pillows that scattered the ground in said closet. one was bunny-shaped, pastel blue with beady eyes that wonyoung had gotten for her ninth birthday. the other two were throw pillows, white in color, ones that her mother had given her this year, on her tenth.

the hard, cold ground was covered with a blanket, navy blue and fluffy, one that hadn't been washed in over two months. wonyoung's initials were stitched onto the side, but it was only a reminder that she and this closet, her escape, were owned by her father.

it was her father who owned this house, who owned her existence, just like he owned a second child.

her father was a cheater. wonyoung had heard it in between slits of the one hundred panels that made up the majority of her closet's entrance.

"cheater!" she heard.

"liar!" she heard.

crying, she heard.

she wished she could stop hearing it in her head, how her mother's sharp cries echoed in her skull, and how jiyoung blamed everything on the ten-year-old jang wonyoung.

it's my fault.

it always was.

a shadow passed through the holes of her closet, blocking the sunlight as it reached her eyes. wonyoung wondered how long she had been inside, the fighting reaching its climax at around four that morning.

she only wanted to study.

the shadow stayed still as if it was contemplating leaving. the young jang hoped that it was her mother, coming to apologize for the careless words that she had yelled an hour ago.

but jang jiyoung never apologized, just like she never cried.

the shadow spoke.

"wonyoung..."

the young jang stood up, opening the opposite door in a hurry.

the ten-year-old grabbed her arm, bracing it gently as the older woman smiled. she could see hannah holding a cup of water, waves rippling with each shake of her hand.

"you should be resting." she furrowed her eyebrows.

hannah merely stared, not budging as the young heiress felt herself getting more desperate.

wonyoung begged. "hannah, please."

"i'm not leaving until we talk." the older woman shook her head, standing her ground.

hannah was like her, stubborn in every sense. she cared too much to let wonyoung wallow in her sorrows. the young jang knew she would be lost without her guidance.

"can you at least sit?" wonyoung tried to reason, ushering hannah to her bed.

she nodded, allowing wonyoung to lead her. she sat down, handing wonyoung the glass, who took it carefully as if hannah was the one that was fragile.

the two sat in silence, and all hannah could remember was wonyoung at four years old, crying about her mother.

it was no different this time.

"it's not your fault." the older woman started. "your mom is just angry."

jiyoung was an angry person, like wonseok.

but wonseok wanted calm, and jiyoung hadn't been the person to provide that.

"do you think she would be happier if i was never born?" wonyoung asked, her thoughts echoing the shouting of her mother.

hannah couldn't fathom anyone saying such words about their child.

"if i could, i would." the ten-year-old wonyoung meant it truthfully. "i don't like seeing mom upset. i keep trying to fix it but i'm just too..."

wonyoung knew the word. she had felt it at four years old. she had felt it at eight. wonyoung was sure she wasn't going to stop feeling it until she died.

she knew the word because it's what she was.

"worthless."

the word that summed her up in all parts hung in the air as hannah stared at her in shock.

"wonyoung-"

"i am though!" wonyoung never raised her voice, but wonyoung wasn't perfect. she never was and never would be. "if i wasn't like this, mom would love me. dad would pay attention to me. he wouldn't have cheated if i was better."

wonyoung wondered how someone could be so imperfect. she wondered if she was doomed to be alone, to be unwanted, and to ruin every good thing on this planet.

"it's my fault."

"it's not, wonyoung." wonyoung wanted to believe hannah, but she couldn't this time. "your mom and your dad have a very complicated relationship."

wonyoung shook her head. she was the reason it was complicated.

"i wish dad would stop yelling at mom." wonyoung placed the still full glass on her counter. "i wish mom would stop yelling at me."

wonyoung didn't remember a time when her mother didn't yell at her. whether it was a bad grade or to wash the dishes, it was always a yell.

"i'm at the top of my class. i'm friends with all the people dad told me to be friends with. i even skipped a grade. everyone keeps telling them that they want a daughter like me, but mom and dad don't even want me." wonyoung just wanted someone to want her. "i don't know what to do anymore."

if she could, wonyoung would disappear.

"you're ten, wonyoung." this wasn't right, not for anyone and especially not for a ten-year-old. "you don't have to do anything."

wonyoung really wanted to believe her.

"i just want them to love me."

the young heiress had wished the unconditional love that everyone had talked about applied to her when it came to her parents. she had heard that it was supposed to happen as soon as she was born.

perhaps she missed out this time, in this life, because in this life, she was worthless.

but not to hannah. never to hannah.

"i love you."

wonyoung had never felt love from her mother, but she had always felt love from hannah.

"you do?"

"i do." hannah smiled sadly. it hurt to know that wonyoung had felt this way (and how there was a chance that her baby felt the same, wherever she was). "i know how complicated families can be..."

wonyoung had never heard hannah speak about her family, but she knew that the older woman would be a good, if not amazing one.

part of her was jealous that someone out there had a mom like hannah, when she had a mom like jiyoung.

"do you have family, hannah?"

the woman, hands shakey, grasped them together tightly. her lips were pursed, and a mournful expression seemed to overtake the comforting one from before.

"i have a daughter back home." her baby was nine pounds and twenty-one inches with a head full of hair. when hannah closed her eyes, she could hear her baby crying for her mother. "i had her really young."

her baby. her beautiful baby girl.

"do you miss her?" wonyoung asked.

"i miss her a lot." missing her was an understatement. "i haven't heard from her in years."

"why?"

she could think of a million reasons why, all of which she held to herself, in grief and in sorrow.

hannah was a bad mother for abandoning her child, and a bad daughter for being so reckless.

"i grew up really poor." hannah couldn't even begin to compare the jang's house to the one she had back home. "i couldn't find a job, so i moved overseas. i left my baby with my mom."

but her child lived, and her child was loved, even from afar.

"do you love her?"

"i do." hannah couldn't think about not loving her. "i love her so much."

"but you left her."

"i left because i loved her." wonyoung's eyes glistened at the word. she couldn't imagine leaving someone out of love. perhaps disappearing, but leaving was unfathomable. "i'd rather have her grow up hating me than die starving. i just wish i can go back. i just wanna my baby one more time."

this was the unconditional love that everyone had praised. it was the homemade bento boxes, and the tight hugs that wonyoung would see from her friends and their moms. it was the tearful goodbyes from her best friend's grandparents, and the thoughtful notes that her seatmate would find in her bag.

to love someone is to do what's best for them, to do the right thing.

was wonyoung the best for her parents? were her parents the best for wonyoung?

did they even love her?

"you're a good mom, hannah." wonyoung hugged her tightly. "i wish you were my mom."

wonyoung couldn't imagine it, having someone risk everything just for her to be happy. she couldn't imagine loving someone so much, but one day, whether it be a child or someone else, she would love to.

wonyoung wanted to love someone right.

she looked at the tearful hannah, the older woman smiling down at her.

"i promise that when i'm older, i'll make sure you can go back and see your family again."

it was a promise that wonyoung intended to keep.

"thank you, wonyoung."

hannah didn't doubt her. not for one second.

the jang's were never good at keeping promises.

jang wonseok was a politician. keeping promises and breaking them was part of the territory. every campaign he held at least a couple empty pledges, just like he did back home. the twelve-year-old jang wonyoung knew that.

plus, there was no way she'd actually believe what her father said. not after he betrayed her mother.

jang jiyoung was no better. being a news anchor, she had always run a tight schedule. for days, wonyoung wouldn't see her despite each promise that the woman would make, and although she didn't mind, sometimes the young jang did want someone to eat dinner with, even if it was just a cup of instant noodles they could share.

wonyoung thought she was different. that she was hannah's daughter and not a jang.

but it ran in her blood.

"hannah knew me before i knew her."

the microphone echoed, the twelve-year-old's shakey hands grasping tightly onto the paper in front of her, her fingerprints making light marks against the blank white.

"she went with my mom to get an ultrasound when she was pregnant with me." her parents were nowhere to be seen, her father at a meeting and her mother at work. "they said i was a big baby, but hannah said i was a special baby."

to love someone is to do the right thing. letting go was the right thing.

"i don't think i'm special. i think i'm just wonyoung." the crowd laughed. hannah would've laughed too. "hannah was the special one. she knew how to make me feel better. she knew when i was sick before i got sick. she even knew the weather before it happened."

wonyoung didn't want to let go, but she would, for hannah.

"hannah told me that she hadn't seen her baby in a while." she hoped hannah's baby knew how loved she was, and she hoped that her words could reach her, even if it was far away. "i promised her that when i was older, i would make sure she saw them."

the jang's were known to break promises.

"i thought she was gonna live forever. i wanted her to live forever, or just long enough so i can keep my promise. for once, i just wanted to make her feel better. hannah always made me feel better." wonyoung didn't know when the page got so blurry, or why water was pouring out of her eyes. "i thought if i loved her enough, i could fix it. i could do it."

she didn't know how she managed to fail the one person who believed in her.

"i want to apologize to her today. i should've tried harder." she had everything. why couldn't she try harder to give hannah this one? she might've been a twelve-year-old, but still. "i'm sorry, hannah. i'm really really sorry."

to love someone is to do the right thing, but wonyoung realized it was also to mourn, and to be angry at herself for not being better. her failures stared her in the face, the casket mocking her as if she was nothing.

she didn't want to think about it anymore. she had failed, and wonyoung wanted nothing more than for this pain to be gone.

sighing, she stepped down from the lectern.

hannah was her own. her mother.

and like a shadow, she was gone.

death seemed to round the corners of the jang household.

she could see boxes upon boxes piling up in front of their penthouse, her mother glaring into the distance half-heartedly, conflicted with her pain.

jang jiyoung was a lee once. she was the younger sister of lee jihuyn, and the aunt of the ten-year-old lee hyunseo.

lee jihyun always smelt like flowers whenever she was around. it was no wonder why jang wonseok was so fond of her.

"this is hyunseo." her father said, patting the heiress on her shoulder. it pained wonyoung to see him so happy to have his affair child around, especially after- no. wonyoung didn't deserve to think about her again. "she'll be staying with us."

wonyoung nodded bowing as the younger girl stared at her in wonder.

"hello, hyunseo."

wonseok smiled at the young girl in a way wonyoung never got when she was hyunseo's age. "wonyoung will show you your room."

wonyoung's face twitched in disdain before switching into a soft smile.

she led hyunseo up to hann a room, unoccupied yet cleared of any existence that came before it.

hyunseo didn't deserve this room.

wonyoung turned to the younger girl. "this is your ro-"

"can i call you unnie?" the lee couldn't help but gleam at her, her eyes bright as the han river glared back into her new room. "i never had an unnie before. it was just me, mom and dad all the time."

wonyoung bit back a scowl.

her dad. hyunseo was lucky she had a dad.

"i'll ask the butlers to bring your stuff up." wonyoung couldn't help but be cold. "i have a school tour to go to."

"oh..." she watched as the younger girl deflated, and wonyoung couldn't help but feel guilty. hyunseo bounced back, though, her expression brighter than before.

"okay!"

wonyoung didn't understand how she could be so happy.

wonyoung had never been to a public school.

her father and mother had always opted to have her in a private one, yet the presence of a public school with such a reputation around their area had the jang's interested.

wonyoung had to agree that the high school was fairly nice. it had its own swimming pool, and it was clearly popular among international students, wonyoung seeing a few as she passed by.

everything else was pretty much the same as every other school, though. nothing stood out, at least nothing of interest.

the heiress found herself walking back to the entrance, scrolling through her phone to get her butler to pick her up. as she dialed, screams and cheers could be heard from the gym.

she should've known better than to enter, but wonyoung's facade was wearing her down. the newly impulsive jang crept inside, more and more yelling filling her skull. it wasn't angry yelling, but a cheerful one.

she didn't understand what could be so interesting.

the heiress felt herself getting swept away, a sudden crowd forming around one of the players as the final whistle blew.

her eyes trained onto the figure, two adults, seemingly the girl's parents, hugging her tightly as the girl cried.

the girl was perfect in every sense, from her face to the way she smiled. she didn't doubt that the older girl probably had perfect grades, and a perfect family, with a set of perfect friends.

the crowd around her roared, and wonyoung realized that the girl in front of her was so loved, so respected, all because she was perfect.

to love someone is to do the right thing.

one day, she'd be perfect enough to have her parents love her. one day, she'll feel like she wasn't a mistake, that she wasn't worthless.

and one day, someday, wonyoung would be perfect enough to mention her name once more.

she'll do the right thing this time.

wonyoung was going to be perfect.

masterlist | next

taglist (CLOSED)!!

@serenitygrace24 @moontealemonpie @writingficsblog @kittyeij @cutieseo @limbforalimb @ahnneyong @yumtooki @lcv3lies @sserajeans @jiwoneiric @babycubchae @trsrina @xyxlyn @misumiausworld @slowlyturninggay291 @awkwardtoafault @captivq @ddeonutz @noiacha @sserabey @d7dream @slowlyturninggay291 @lvwr @perfectsunlight @juhyunsthirdwife @uzumakioden @txtbrainrot @rosiehrs @yunjinhart @skisk1 @bzeus28 @deeznutzryu @jisooftme @danistolemyheart @li0ilthecxnt @eggomi @ddoxhan @zhivaxo @sweet-dhrafts @livelaughloveyujin @luveuly @marimo-anura @yunnybunnyy @ivy-aurora @wonyoluvr

[jessiarts]

Trying to help these Palestinian Families!

There are two verified Palestinian GFMs in my linktree, and I want to help them meet their fundraiser goals.

To do this I hope to donate my art and time to raise the money.

How this will work is you donate directly to one of the GFMs in my linktree, and then send me a screenshot of your donation receipt as proof (via tumblr ask or email) and I will draw the fandom character(s) prompt you request based off the donation amounts in the graphic below.

Both GFMs are verified by Operation Olive Branch.

First GFM is organized by Tasnim Alhamss (on line #663 of OOB's spreadsheet), who is still trying to evacuate her sister's 3 children as well as her brother's 3 daughters. They're just a little over $2K from their goal. They're so close!

Second GFM is organized by Layal Qudaih (on line #844 of OOB's spreadsheet), who is trying to evacuate newlyweds Hala and Abd Al Aziz, as well as Hala's elderly mother, Amal. Hala was 7 months pregnant when the GFM was created in February. It is now August. That means there is now a baby, just a few months old, who needs evacuating too. They have only achieved 67% of their goal as of writing this post.

Below is the graphic detailing the type of drawing I'll complete in exchange for the amount donated.

I encourage other artists to take this idea and run with it for their own adopted families. Operation Olive Branch has a whole spreadsheet of family fundraisers you can sponsor if you are able!

Hopefully together we can help more families meet their goals and get to safety!

I've included a list of fandoms and shows I'm most familiar with under the cut, but feel free to ask about others!

Again, this is not an exhaustive list, but I did try to put them in alphabetical order to make them easier to look through.

Avatar the Last Airbender

BBC Sherlock

Cartoon Network- Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy, Ed Edd & Eddy, Courage the Cowardly Dog, Kids Next Door, Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, Johnny Bravo, Powepuff Girls, Dexter's Lab

Child's Play franchise

Coraline

Defiance Series

Doctor Who - mostly 9th Doctor through current Doctor, but I have seen a little bit of Classic Who too

Disney Movies- again, pretty much all of it- but some of my favorites were the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, Hocus Pocus;

classics like Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Tarzan, Emperors New Groove, Lilo and Stitch, etc;

newer stuff like Brave, Encanto, and Coco, Moana, Frozen, etc.

The Hobbit

House MD

Jurassic Park

Looney Toons

Lord of the Rings

Marvel- pretty much all of it, but especially familiar with Guardians of the Galaxy, Thor movies, Loki series, The Avengers, Deadpool, etc

Nickelodeon- Fairly OddParents, Spongebob, Danny Phantom, My Life as a Teenage Robot

Once Upon a Time

Pokemon

The Princess Bride

Scooby Doo

Shrek

Supernatural

Tim Burton Films - Nightmare before Christmas, Corpse Bride, Alice in Wonderland, Sweeney Todd, Beetlejuice, etc

Unus Annus

X-Files

[ixiot-ghostrebel]

Congrats on reaching 1000 followers! Your works are amazing and you totally deserve that! Though I'm here to give you more work in term of participating in the event! Here is Yvonne's letter for Barren Lands, Final Wishes

Dear my beloved sibling, Lyney, Lynette and Freminet,

How have you all been? I deeply apologize for not being able to help you as you overcome the many crises. The Fontaine's prophecy and Clervie's incident are tough problems and you've solved them amazingly. As much as I'm impressed, please don't push yourself too hard.

The mission I'm doing is flowing decently. It's not enjoyable nor smooth in any way, but the results I've achieved may allow me to return for a visit. I'm finding myself missing the time we spent together in front of the hearth, enjoying some mundane activities whenever I have to sort out the paperwork or dealing with the Doctor.

I have to admit, the investigation has brought me fascinating stories that I'll share when I'm back. But for now, take care of yourself. Lyney, stop pressuring yourself into perfection, and always remember your family is always here for you. Lynette, please keep your brother in check, and don't hesitate to try something new. Freminet, be confident in yourself, and try to express yourself more.

I love you all,

Yvonne

(:): Yvonne is a member of the House of the Hearth, after Freminet yet before Lyney and Lynnette, which made her only close to them and Father. She has exceptional swordsmanship (the only child who could dual with Father and achieve a draw) and a hydro vision used for healing and distraction as she has a pact with the Cryo Dragon that allows her to use its ability, but in return, she shall turn into a dragon when it is fully reincarnated. Her mission is to use her ability to track the remains of other dragons and study the dragon's power. She is in Snezhnaya at the moment)

EEEEE TYSM ANON!!! I'M SO SPRRY THIS TOOK 300 YEARS TO GET OUT 😭 I HOPE IT WAS WORTH THE WAIT!

I'll be writing one singular letter, but mention all three—hope that's alright for you, Anon!

Dear Yvonne,

It's really great to hear from you again. Lyney laughed off your concerns, but he has promised to take care of himself. Lynette is making sure of that too. She said she'll try something new when you're back. As for myself...I'll be sure to take your advice as best as possible.

I really hope to see you soon, Yvonne. I've heard Lyney lamenting about missing you once when he and Lynette were playing with cards for a magic trick. Lynette didn't say anything, but her ears did droop a little. I myself also share in the sentiment...Hopefully, your mission hasn't been too taxing on you.

The crises in Fontaine are over, so we're all doing okay now. We're taking it pretty easy for now, as there's not many important missions Father has given us yet. Maybe, when you come by, you can share some of your stories with us near the hearth? I'm sure all of us here would love to know what you've been up to while you were away.

Anyway, Lynette's promising to bring you some desserts once you're back, much to Lyney's protests. Please come home safe. If you need anything repaired, I'll be here ready.

Sincerely, with love from Lyney and Lynette as well,

Freminet

[clarabellumsart]

Honey... I'm home!

Hello all, I'm here on Tumblr once again!

I've made a new art account here with my old @ where from now on I'll be posting my work! This was prompted by all the AI nonsense going on with twitter... but hopefully I'll be able to keep up! If only I hadn't just ordered 1000 business cards...

If you don't know me... Hi! I'm Clara! I'm a big fan of Zelda, theme parks, horror, and animals! I love drawing for my favorite games and shows, and lately I've been getting into enamel pin design!

I'm trying to rebuild my following here, so please consider checking out my work! You can find me on other accounts across the web @ clarabellumsart, but the best way is to just check out my linktree.

I'm excited to get to talk to you all, whether you've been following me for years or if you've just recently found me. And on that note, I'll leave you with...

[pteroducktyll]

FtM Hysto Recovery + Tips (Plus general tips for dealing with low/no spoons or recovering from any surgery)

I haven't been on Tumblr for years, but recently re-joined to check out art, as I start to work on getting my idea for a graphic novel off the ground (as well as getting serious about improving my art again). However, I'm hoping these first few posts get found by an entirely different audience. This is being written in 2023.

I'm going in for a laparoscopic hysterectomy on Thursday (today is Monday) and want to share my experience, as much as spoons will allow, so that other people can hopefully benefit in the future. I, personally, have struggled to find things online that fit my situation as a trans man with a history of pre-cancerous pap smears, abnormal bleeding, PID and ovarian cysts (but not PCOS). Although hysterectomies for "GRS" or gender affirming surgery purposes are easy to get where I live, mine in particular is primarily being done to avoid cancer and to stop the abnormal bleeding and random debilitating pain that comes out of nowhere every few years and upends my life for weeks/months. So if you're someone facing the prospect of a laparoscopic hysterectomy, regardless of your gender identity, and have a history of medical issues (but not PCOS or endometriosis) in your reproductive region, this blog may help you! Or, alternatively, if you're a trans man looking to get a laparoscopic hysterectomy, whether or not you've had issues in that region, this might help you, too!

It should be noted that this is written from the perspective of someone in their 30s with a complicated medical history, including Type 2 Diabetes and a very rare kidney disease (which has an average life expectancy of 29 years for men, but we aren't sure how it affects trans men), so the pre-surgery process I've been through is not the typical one. I also have chronic pain and know from my past experiences with very severe pain that a) I have a low tolerance for any pain beyond what I deal with day-to-day and b) I have a high tolerance for opiate pain medication, which means it takes a higher dose for me to address the level of pain that a lower dose would address in someone else. These both affect the length of time that I'll likely need to be on painkillers, and how functional I'll be while I'm on them. This, in turn, affects how quickly I'll be able to do things like return to work and driving.

I should also note that although it's common in some places for this surgery to be completed as day surgery, my jurisdiction almost always keeps people in overnight; this is because it takes almost 24 hours for the anesthetic to work its way out of your system, and until it does they won't have a true indication of your pain levels and, therefore, won't be able to make sure it's adequately controlled before sending you home. It's much easier (in my experience, and according to the doctors!) to stop you from having pain in the first place than to get it under control once you do.

Also, I live with my partner and a roommate, and my retired parents are about 90 minutes away and have a guest room. My support network isn't huge, but it's high quality. My partner managed to get 3 days off work for my surgery and the 2 days following, and after that is on a light workload for about a week in case she needs to take care of me. She also has a lot of flexibility with her job, and her boss really likes me, so if there are complications or she needs to spend more time at home to look after me, I don't think it's completely out of the question. All of this is to say that I'm going into this surgery from a very privileged place, in terms of not having to do much to look after myself in the aftermath. My surgeon did advise me, however, to take 1 week (for sure) off work if I could, and that I may need a second week. My work consists of two research jobs that draw heavily on my brain power, but don't require me to move around at all, especially as I work from home, so the issue is the painkillers, rather than actual healing time. Other jobs will require different amounts of time off work.

Because I'm neurodivergent and like to have as many details as possible about ... literally everything, I'm going to make this as detailed as I can. Essentially, I'm hoping to share everything I know and experience without leaving anything out. If it's too much detail for you, I'm going to be doing my best to include useful headers.

Notification of Surgery & Lead-up

I received notice about my surgery just over a month before my surgery date; it was around June 26th that I was emailed and told my surgery would be on August 3rd. I had previously met my surgeon in January, and was told it would be a 6-8 month wait until surgery. Between that appointment and being given my surgery date, I'd had bloodwork done, as well as an internal ultrasound. I've had several internal ultrasounds before and while they are far from pleasant, they are not as dysphoria-inducing for me as they are for other trans men, I'm sure. I am more physically uncomfortable during them than mentally/spiritually uncomfortable.

In the notification email, my surgeon sent additional attachments; about 200 pages of information from a) their office specifically and b) the health authority [one document about hysterectomies, one document about recovering from surgery in general]. These documents answered most of my questions, and also had instructions about fasting, pre-surgery instructions (there's a special sponge I have to buy and use the night before surgery and the morning of surgery) and recovery information. The documents were very generic, and because they came from different sources, the information was sometimes contradictory. I, personally, took the information on board in this order of trustworthiness:

Things my surgeon had said in-person during my consultation appointment in January

Things included in the information from my surgeon's office directly

Things included in the documents from the health authority

If there were contradictions that seemed extremely important (e.g. one document said to wash everything my face with the special sponges, while another said, in all caps, to absolutely NOT wash my head or face with the sponges), I followed-up with the surgeon's office or the most appropriate person (e.g. pharmacist).

Pre-surgery Appointments

Because of my medical history (diabetes and Alport's Syndrome), I had an extra step in here. My surgeon required me to have a consultation with my internal medicine doctor's clinic (but not with my specialist) to get the all-clear and make sure my risk level wasn't too high. This doctor made some assumptions about the medications I'm taking, which led him to think I had both diabetes and a heart condition, which would have put me in a much higher risk category. Because of that, he ordered extra bloodwork, and an ECG, and booked a follow-up with me for a few days later. That initial appointment with him ended on the assumption that the surgery likely would be postponed. However, the bloodwork and ECG all came back fine, and at the follow-up he gave me the all-clear and said my risk wasn't very high at all.

I had a few other pre-surgery appointments.

One was with the surgeon. In my case, the doctor actually doing my surgery is a resident colleague of the surgeon I initially consulted with. Now that I had a specific date for the surgery, and my life situation had changed a bit since the consultation (e.g. work), I asked to meet with the surgeon to ask questions that had come up since the initial consultation, and so that I could meet the person who would be cutting into me and make sure I was comfortable with her. She answered all my questions really well, and it turned out I was more comfortable with her than the original surgeon. This was a quick 5-10 minute talk, but I highly recommend asking for it, even if your surgeon hasn't changed. You'll have another chance to talk to your surgery just before being wheeled into the OR, but you'll be nervous and may be medicated by then, and it's just nice to have this conversation ahead of time and in an environment where you can look at a list of questions you've written down, and actually pay attention to the answers.

The hospital required another two appointments before surgery:

The pharmacist

About a week before my surgery, the pharmacist called for 5-10 minutes to discuss my current medications, supplements, vitamins and holistic medicines (if I were taking any) and to find out what time of day I take them at. Easy peasy.

2. The anesthetist

Exactly a week before my surgery, the anesthetist called to discuss the operation itself and the anesthetic. I'm not sure if the doctor I talked to will be the anesthetist who is actually in the room with me, or if it was just her job that particular day to call and get the information that will get passed onto the one who will be in the room. She was very nice, and explained the method of anesthesia, as well as how I'll likely feel when I wake up, etc. She also saw on my chart that I have a history of chronic pain, and zeroed in on my back and shoulder. She asked if there are any positions that make me more comfortable, and then explained the position I'd be in for my surgery -- tipped back toward my head -- and that this sometimes gives people back and shoulder pain even if they don't have any to begin with. She said my arms would be alongside my body, fairly tight to it, and I said that would be fine. I practiced laying them beside my body later that day and promptly discovered that's actually pretty painful for one arm, but I'll mention that when I get there and hope for the best! If I was having the conversation again, I'd answer by saying I wasn't sure how that would feel but that I'd practice it before the surgery day to see, and then ask who I could talk to if it turned out there's a better position or if that one wouldn't work. Ultimately though, the surgery should be 1.5 hours to 4 hours at most, so I'm not overly concerned. What you should take away from this if you're having this surgery and don't already have back/shoulder pain is that you might wake up with some, but that it should go away in a day or maybe a little less. This type of surgery also requires the surgeon to inflate your belly with gas in order to make room for the scopes and so that they can see what they're doing. That gas can stick around for a day, sometimes two, according to the anesthetist and can be a little bit painful or uncomfortable. I can't remember anything else that came out of this conversation.

In terms of pre-surgery appointments, that was it.

Tips and Tricks for Being Prepared

The next little bit is information I acquired through talking to my therapist (who's had several laparoscopic surgeries!) and many hours of research online, as well as living as a person who often has few spoons.

Get your first 1-2 weeks of meals planned and ready in advance. For me, this means I've picked up a large number of cans of Alphaghetti-type foods, and I'll be buying as many frozen meals as I can but have VERY little freezer room because my partner and I share with our tenant. Other options include things like HelloFresh, identifying nights when it will be easier for your partner if you order food in (if you can afford to), making big batches of food leading up to surgery while you're well and then freezing them, creating a list of meals you'd appreciate friends bringing over [remind them to bring them in disposable containers, so you don't have to feel guilty when it takes you weeks to get the containers back to them!], etc

Buy some Depends/adult diapers. I bought store brand (Life brand, specifically, which is Canadian) ones. The only ones I could get were maximum absorbency unless I wanted to pay twice the price for name brand ones, but I suspect I could do with a minimum absorbency one. I bought the underwear-style ones. In the store brand, they don't look very underwear-like at all, but if you have more money to spend, some of the name brand ones look convincingly like underwear! I also bought 'Unisex' ones, but would have bought womens if the unisex ones weren't an option; I suspect the mens' might have a built-in bulge area that would be awkward for me. The point of the adult diapers is that their 'waistband' is not a traditional waistband -- it's about 8" tall, very thin, and crinkle-cut so that it doesn't put pressure on your skin. This will stop you from having clothing pushing on your incision sites. BONUS is that they ARE absorbent, so you won't have to also wear pads to deal with discharge (which can, apparently, last for 6 weeks). Try the Depends on for a day a few days before surgery. Yes, it will be awkward and you'll feel silly. I am literally sitting in bed, with nothing wrong with me, wearing nothing but an adult diaper and a tee shirt while my partner's at work. But this has 2 purposes: 1) chances are you haven't worn these before, and you want to make sure you've got the most comfortable ones you can in terms of fit and style; 2) if you've worn them once already, it'll be familiar when you go to put it on when you're ready to leave the hospital; you'll know which side is the back and which side is the front, and the 'weirdness' of wearing them will be less unsettling. You're going to have other weird stuff going on, this doesn't have to be yet another weird thing happening!

If you live alone or your partner doesn't (or can't) change the sheets, layer sheets on the bed. That's right, layer your mattress with bottom sheets. That way, you can peel the top one off and have a cleaner sheet beneath it. It won't be the same as being able to sleep on a fresh, clean sheet straight out of the cupboard or dryer, but it's going to be better than the one you've slept, sweat or, universe forbid, bled on.

Get a LEAKPROOF (truly) travel mug with a handle. After surgery you'll have maybe one comfortable position to lay in. You're not going to want to get out of that position to retrieve your water, but you're also going to need to be drinking a lot of water (it helps you recover, and also helps get your bowels moving again). Being able to lose your water in the bed is a luxury, but a necessary one. I got mine at Winners for pretty cheap.

Get a nightie or onesie. I usually sleep naked. I don't really own pyjamas -- when I need to cover up to sleep (like when I visit friends or travel), I throw on a pair of joggers, or boxer briefs. But those both have waistbands and, remember, we're trying to avoid waistbands. I ordered a sleep shirt from Oodie, which was on sale, but still expensive (I paid around $60, including 1-2 business day shipping because I didn't think of it until the last minute), as well as a halloween one-sie from Old Navy that's apparently leftover from last year's halloween stock. I'm expecting the onesie to be way too hot, but I need something I can wear out in public in case I have to get groceries, or pick something up at the pharmacy, or stand outside because the building's burning, without exposing myself. I also borrowed a robe to go over the sleep shirt when I leave the hospital.

Have whoever's picking you up bring 2 pillows. One goes between your abdomen and the seatbelt, and you sit on the other one.

Have whoever's picking you up bring fast food. When you leave the hospital you're going to either be ravenously hungry or feel like you never want to eat again. Either way, fast food is going to be the one thing you didn't realize you needed so badly in your life until that moment. Your body's going to be craving carbs and fat, and fat is also what's going to help your pain pills kick in.

Have ice cream, chips or other junk food on hand. This is mostly so that you have something to eat when you take your pain pills. Fatty foods help opiates work faster; as someone who takes them several times a month for chronic pain, I've sometimes noticed a difference of -hours- between taking them with fatty foods and taking them on their own.

Get a walking aid. We use our abdomens for everything. If you don't already have something like a cane, pick one up. Keep the receipt though; if you don't end up using it, you can usually take them back. With that said, my therapist said it's at about the 2 week mark when you feel like you actually need one. If you don't have a cane but you have walking/hiking sticks, dig them out and keep them handy.

Grab some baby wipes. You can get laparoscopic incisions wet, but that doesn't mean you're going to feel like you have the energy or endurance to shower right away. You're still going to want to keep your pits and bits clean.

If you take daily medications, organize them in a pill organizer. Things can get confusing when you're on painkillers, or when a partner is dishing out your meds. You know exactly how many you take, and how often, so the best way to approach this is to get a pill organizer and get all your doses for a week ready before your surgery. Monday AM, Monday PM, Tuesday AM, Tuesday PM, that kind of thing. There's nothing worse than being on painkillers and trying to remember if you've already taken That Very Important Medication You Can't Miss or not. Or, worse, not even realizing you've missed something that can give you withdrawal symptoms, and suddenly waking up a few days after surgery feeling worse than you've ever felt in your life and wondering if you need to go to the ER, only to have it turn out that you missed your meds.

Buy something for yourself that you can look forward to. I bought a video game that I've wanted for a couple of years that was finally on sale. I haven't touched it, and won't until sometime after surgery when I feel up to it. Giving yourself a little reward when you're going through something hard is always nice.

If you're diabetic...take a minute before your surgery to remind your partner/anyone you live with/anyone who's going to be looking after you about how and when to check your blood sugars, what numbers are abnormal for you, and what to do about them. Being ill or recovering from a surgery can really throw your diabetes out of whack, even if it's well-controlled beforehand, and recovering from surgery might make you feel a lot of the same symptoms you'd feel from a hypo/hyper or DKA, so make sure you (or someone else) test your sugars regularly and have things on hand to deal with abnormal or worrying results.

Take your phone everywhere. Painkillers (and pain) can make us unsteady. As someone who's taken a fall and had to wait hours for my partner to wake up and find me and help me back to my feet (and then bed), I don't recommend it.

These are the things I know about pre-surgery, but I'll try to update...eventually if I learn anything new post-surgery.

[anonymouspuzzler]

Yay Yipee I Finally Remembered I Should Update Folks On Things That Are Happening

because hey whoops as some of you might remember Supposedly I Stream Sometimes! That Uhhhh Hasn't Happened In A While Has It! so I should probably let folks know what's goin' on!! the long and the short of it is

Around late November/early December I started having issues where Discord would crash and restart anytime I tried to screenshare my capture software with my friends who I stream with. This put console game streams (so 2/3 of the games we were streaming) on the backburner till I could troubleshoot and solve that issue

On top of that it was Fucking Finals Season for me at my Graduate School so at a certain point I had to be responsible and focus on getting my final projects & essays done, which meant sacrificing stream time till my break (where I would hopefully have time to troubleshoot and then do a ton of streaming to make up for lost time)

Except THEN literally the second I went home for the holidays my hard drive abruptly and completely died. It is very possible that this contributed to the aforementioned tech issues

I was able to replace the drive and get my computer working again but because I have a Fucking Curse a lot of tech-side things were lost or started experiencing issues due to the new drive, namely A) I haven't been able to get my capture software working yet and B) whoops my entire OBS layout is just gone now I guess

This whole saga, on top of juggling other life shit and work and the like, effectively ate up my entire winter break

so tl;dr! I have a computer curse and because of it streams are gonna have to wait till I can get both OBS and my capture software working again. I'm hoping to work on that this weekend so I can be back to streaming next week, but given my school & job workload I'm guessing it'll more likely be two or three weeks. On top of that, I won't be streaming most of March due to reason of "my partner is visiting then". all of this sucks cause I want to be streaming, both for reason of "i like spending time with my good friends doing this" and "haha whoops I'm not earning money now and oh boy there sure are a lot of expenses flying at my head like rocks huh".

I've already rambled a bit more than I'd like to now so here's da main points:

Streams will (HOPEFULLY) be back in February. When they are, they'll be Monday & Tuesday nights, 5:30pst/8:30est, for as long as my friends remain available at those times (we're all adults having to look for or maintain Day Jobs so availability could change. y'all know how it is). I may also do occasional one-off streams on weekends as my energy 'n schedule permits, most likely art streams

I'll continue to be around on Holly's streams Fri/Sat/Sun as her schedule permits, because I don't have to rebuild OBS from the ground up for that

There is a 99.99% chance I'll be totally absent stream-wise during March

Even though streams are facing The Troubles I am still taking art commissions! Those haven't been affected!! You can submit an interest form here and I'll reach out to confirm prices as soon as I'm ready to start work on yours

If, out of the kindness of your heart, you would like to toss some support my way during The Troubles (which would be much appreciated; as said I've got a lot of expenses coming my way and unfortunately my day job covers my rent and nothing more), here are some other ways you can do so: -- Tip me on Ko-Fi; if you pay $9 or more you can request a doodle that I'll do for you and post on here & twitter (and might stream the process of drawing once that's up and running again). Here's an example of some Ko-Fi doodles I did previously -- You can also tip through my stream page if you want but I probably won't see those till I start streaming again. Still appreciated!!! -- I have a Throne Wishlist that's mostly stuff like kitchenware, household goods, stuff for my kitty, etc. There's also a few Fun Things though, like vinyls and a billy big bass Jay insisted I add. Either way, if you wanna contribute to something on there it means a lot. You can also suggest items to make me laugh

an' above all: thank you for reading and for bein' around!!

[elprupneerg]

really not used to people being nice/patient with my phobia. had to get blood drawn today for the first time and it was very scary. but my gf was there and held my hand and did her best to distract me and the people running the blood draw lab were all very sweet. and when my doctor told me to go to the labs area she said that she requested as many tests as she could think of so i wouldn't have to do this again for awhile hopefully, and that while i should get caught up on vaccinations soon she's not gonna make me face my needle phobia that many times in one day.

like genuinely better than i could imagine anyone being about things. all my doctors and nurses and family growing up would've been (and WERE when stuff did come up) absolutely cruel about it. like i once had a nurse try to pin me down to get a shot back in middle school (which, turns out, did not make my fear of medical shit any better! and has actively made things a thousand times worse cuz now i don't trust medical professionals to respect my consent or autonomy. i don't remember her name but i hope that nurse never gets a good night's sleep again, evil fucking witch. she didn't even actually successfully vaccinate me, so the entire traumatizing mess was for Nothing)

so like. having people specifically schedule things to minimize my needle exposure? having people respect me as a fellow human being and not talk down to me even when i'm hyperventilating and terrified? they fucking gave me juice and crackers after we were done! my gf gave me her sweater so i wouldn't have to look at my arm! (there's nothing scary with it, its just an arm with a bandaid. phobias are fucking weird tho)

like, what the hell is this? am i allowed to have this? i feel like at any moment someone's gonna burst in and say there's been a mistake and they mixed me up with someone who deserves this stuff and actually i should've been yelled at for being a wimp, and its my fault for tricking all these people into being nice for no reason. which doesn't make any sense! and i'm home now and have been for a bit so its not like anyone's actually gonna jump in even if they wanted to! but its still weird as hell and idk how or if i'll ever get used to this sort of kindness

[wolfsbane-and-nettles]

He didn’t need to look to know Thorin was there, the feeling in his chest was enough to alert him to who it was. The internal debate of whether to stay or go was raging in his mind, but before he could make his own decision, the rumbling, low voice of the exiled King spoke. 

“Master Baggins.” Thorin simply saying his name was enough to send chills of satisfaction across Bilbo’s skin. Bilbo refused to turn around, keeping his eyes the opposite direction of where Thorin was. 

“Thorin.” Bilbo replied, nodding. 

“What are you doing here?” Asked the king. The question was so silly that Bilbo couldn’t help but turn around to see if he was seriously asking. 

“To take a,” and there Thorin was, clad only in a bathing towel, just as he had been, walking towards where Bilbo was. He swallowed hard and averted his gaze once more, trying not to burn holes into the dwarf. “Bath…what else would I be doing in here? What are you doing here?” 

“Same as you.” Thorin said, though his voice seemed to carry an uncertain tone. 

[Chosen Horizons, Chapter 10: The Comforts of Home]

---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bath scene from chapter 10, featuring dummy thick Bilbo and hairy ass Thorin.

It's been a hot second since I've done digital art, and my wacom is still a learning curve. I'm not sure how this style looks digitally in comparison to traditional, but oh well.

I, 9 times out of 10, will always skip doing any sort of back ground so it's not great, but I'm genuinely pleased with myself for the background (minimal as it is.)

I'm going to try to get back in the swing of drawing again, so hopefully I'll be adding more to the chapters soon.

All things considered, though it's not my best work, it definitely isn't my worst...hopefully I get used to my tablet sooner rather than later, but I'm the type of guy who gets upset when they don't understand something in the first five minutes....

[seldomscilence16]

Voltron in "The Little Mermaid" Part 2!

Alright so I wanted to get 2/3 of it out in July cause ya know Julance, so it may be a little rushed but im having fun so thats nice. And this one comes with burnt out art! (By that I mean I gave up half way cause drawing is hard but its still cute.) Once again, thank you to @paracosm299 for being the backbone to this fanfic. And I hope everyone else likes it too! If I ever find a laptop that doesnt hate me and tumblr I'll link the three together. Until then, hopefully my tags might work for ya'll...

Also, if ya'll havent listened to the music from all three versions (cartoon, live action, broadway) youre missing out and they are referenced in this part. So minor spoilers for the Live Action! ("Shes in love" OBC is a bop I do so recommend it)

~~~~~~~~~

Lance sprawls across one of the many rocks, chest heaving as he tries to slow his heart rate. His eyes roam what he can see of his collection, that familiar ache hitting him hard.

He just didn't understand. 

Here, in the waters he's always known, he should feel a sense of home. And yet at every corner, he simply feels trapped, unable to even breathe without the threat of punishment for doing it 'wrong'. Instead of love and encouragement, he is crushed under rules, expectations, and this pressure to do something, but with no idea what that something is. He has a vague recollection of a woman, with deep brown eyes- the only real feature he can recall- saying so earnestly, it was almost prayer-like, that he was their future. 

He still couldn't fathom what she meant. Lance, the future? Should he somehow outlive the Emperor, Lance would be taken down immediately, by those vying for the Triton. Sendak may drill his lessons and expectations into him daily, but Lance doubted very much he'd ever actually hold any power. The only future Lance can see, is either forever a decoration to the Emperor, or a trophy given to another. The very thought makes him shudder, but it's a reality he's long since acknowledged. 

Lance was no future. Lance was not free to be a future. Lance was simply... a dressed up prisoner. 

For every gadget, gizmo, whosit, whatsit, and thingamabob Lance found, for every glimpse of wonder, a longing grew. He wanted more than this, he wanted...

To be where the people are. To see them dance, to walk around on those... those... feet! To run along streets, to stay all day under the sun's warm rays, wandering free... was it so much to wish to be up there with them? He hasn't much to give, but he wonders idly, if he were offered a chance, would he give what was asked in return readily? To live out of these waters, for even just a day to spend warm on the sandy beaches. 

Coran has since crawled from his own little crevice, watching him with worried eyes,

"I bet you up there, they understand, that they don't reprimand your every move, that they see you for who you are. Im... I'm sick of swimming with an anchor strapped to my fin. I want to stand, free... is that so much to ask Coran?" 

"No child, to be free is not something that you should have to pay for." And the emotion in the man's voice has tears of his own burning in Lance's eyes. 

"I want to know everything, ask them my questions and get some real answers. Like, whats a fire and why does it, what's that word?? Burn! When will I be allowed to do something for me?" Lance swims through his treasures, towards the small hole at the top, reaching towards the surface he's forbidden from breaching, "I'd love to explore that world up above... out of the sea, I just... I wish I could be a part of a different world... I know that makes me terrible, but... I'm so tired..."

Lance stares at the barest glimpse of the moon before it's covered, casting a shadow that's dispersed by bursts of colored light. 

"What in the Seas?" 

"Wait, Lance my boy, it's not safe up there, not tonight!" 

But Lance ignores the octopus, for probably the first time, making his way towards the surface before he can stop himself, breaching it fully for the first time. Loud popping sounds assault his ears, and debris splashes around him, before him a little ways, is a large ship with joyous music playing. Lance looks around, maybe for a sign to turn back, but finds none, something almost seems to be... pulling him, calling him, towards the Ship. He navigates past the debris, until he comes to the side of the ship where smaller ones hang. It takes him a moment to pull himself up and into it, arms straining as he tries to remain quiet. 

There's a small gap that allows him to see the occupants, and a smile graces his face as he watches them dance. They throw each other around and slam their feet, and play instruments and drink. And just when Lance thinks it can't get any better, they start to sing. 

It wasn't as melodic as the songs of his people, or as hypnotic or power filled as the royal siren songs. And yet, Lance couldn't look away. To think that just as his people feared and hated humans, Humans too, feared his people. They were so different, but at the same time, not so different at all. 

One of the humans, seemingly younger than the rest, was on the edge of their celebration. The bright- and loud- lights in the air illuminated his face, eyes shining just so, like where water and sky meet. He's pulled aside by a taller man, who has a scar over his nose and a tuft of white hair laying on his forehead. They come close enough for their voices to drift to Lance's position, and he ducks away from the opening until only his eye is seen. 

"Keith, you know we have to go back." The taller one says, sounding apologetic. 

"Shiro it's my birthday, please let me have this one day not to think about that place." The shorter one- Keith- responds. 

"You know Kolivan will be coming over to lecture you soon. The late King-" 

"Wanted me to be trapped inside the castle for the rest of my life, isolated on our island home, never to do anything new because he had some crazy notion that that would keep us safe." He sighs, leaning heavily on the railing and staring off into the distance, the furry creature lays at his feet, staring at Lance curiously. He buries a hand in his fur with a smile. "I feel like the ocean is calling to me Shiro, I'm not afraid of it, I want to explore." 

Lance feels a sort of resonation, like he's looking in the mirror once again instead of at a human. Someone who sees a future, and is ready to make it himself...

A crack of lightning lights up the sky, violent and sudden as the ocean rises up and crashes against the ship. 

"Storms coming in fast! On your toes!" 

Lance jumps into the waves before he can hear more, he needed to leave, there was no telling if this was Posiedon or Sendak-

"Keith!" 

Lance's eyes flash back to the ship, to Keith holding the fluffy creature and throwing him as the ship is alight and collapsing. Lance curses in his head, diving below again to help, guiding him to the calls of the people in the little ships. When he comes up again, he sees no sign of Keith and a panic he can't describe grips his heart. 

He dives again, dodging wreckage as the ship sinks, swimming through the harsh currents in search for a splotch of red. His distress rises with each moment, movements quick and jerky, until finally, finally, he sees it. Unmoving except for his slow descent, arms raised like even in unconsciousness he's reaching for something. As Lance draws closer he sees the cut along his jaw, the ripped clothing, smaller injuries, and he's sure bruising will form. 

Hooking his arms under Keith's own Lance drags him to the surface. It's an effort to keep the human's head above the waves as the storm rages on, but Lance wont let him drown, not while he can do something about it. He heads inland, praying to any God that will listen, that the human survives. 

Even if it means his own demise when he returns to Atlantica. 

...

The sand is dry and coarse, but warm under the morning sun's rays, as he tugs the waterlogged human far enough from the lapping waves. His hand shakes as it hovers over the still form, the cut on his cheek still leaks blood, his pale skin taking on a sickly pallor, before he can really think twice, his voice rises from somewhere deep. A careful melody fills the air around them, a glow encompassing his own form as he finally places his hand to Keiths chest. 

It takes longer than he'd like for color to return to his cheeks, one now marred with a scabbing scar. A groan leaves his lips and Lance's relief is palpable, despite the exhaustion that settles into his very bones. He wants nothing more than to lay here, but he knows better. Shouts reach his ears, and with a reluctance he cant place, he returns to the sea, hiding behind a rock a ways off. 

He watches as a group of humans surround Keith, who seems at least semi-coherent now, watches as they make off towards their own settlements. 

"I don't know what this feeling is. I don't even know how I know, but... something changed. I've found the world I want to be a part of..." 

Lance watches until they've vanished from view, a pull stronger than ever before, calling him towards a human with inky hair and deep eyes, to a future he'd never thought of. 

If he lived past sunset that is. 

...

Allura practically falls on his head, Coran wrapped around his arm only a second behind. 

"Lonce! Where have you been!?" Allura is scanning his face, claws hovering, "Coran told me about the… thing… and then there was a storm and you were gone! We've been worried sick!" 

"Im sorry, I just-"

"Don't even think about lying to me Lonce!" 

Lance swears shes on the verge of tears, and he lets out a reluctant sigh,

"I…" he rubs his free hand over the back of his neck, avoiding eye contact, "Rescued a human…" he mumbles.

"You did WHAT!?" 

"No one saw me!" Lance is quick to defend, admittedly a little petulant. 

"Shhhh!!! Sendak can not know about this!" Allura looks around in a panic, her voice hushed.

"Know about what?" A new voice asks from behind, nearly scaring Lance right out of his scales. 

Flipping around Lance sees someone he hadn't in several years,

"Rachel?? What are you doing here? I thought you all weren't allowed at the gatherings anymore!" They clasp arms, exchanging smiles.

"Well, he wants info on our territory then someone has to come." Her grin turns sly, and Lance thinks there's more to what she says, but then again, it always seems like there's more when it comes to them. "So what's this I hear we aren't telling?" 

"Nothing. Seriously guys, I'm already gonna get a lecture from Se- my father, I really don't need this right now." 

He sees a bunch of Mers heading towards the reefs, decides that's a good way to delay the inevitable, and follows. Though of course he has company cause they dont give up that easily. And to continue his declining luck, four more mers to add to his growing entourage. 

"Wow, look how big you've gotten!!" Lisa exclaims, looking close to pinching his cheeks like a Grandma- though Lance only knew this through observation of their pod.

"Lance has a secret!" Rachel blabs, leaning over his shoulder with far more excitement than necessary. 

He groans, pushing her away as he joins the other mers in cleaning up the reef, a twinge of guilt in his gut despite the cause of the storm being from someone else's power. 

"Oh, what, does Grumpy blob have a crush or something?" Marco teases, elbowing Luis beside him. 

Lance grumbles as he fumbles with the debris hes moving, internally cursing himself at the gasps around him. 

"So! You're acting fishy because you're up to your gills in love!" Rachel swoons backwards into Marcos waiting arms. 

"Oh Dios Mios." Lance would love for a cavern to open up, right now, beneath him, please. 

The only Mers who don't treat him like Sendak's property and he wants to throttle them. 

"I see it now!" Luis exclaims, never one to miss out on a tease, the traitor, "he's dizzy, dreamy, head up in the foam! His eyes have got a gleam in them, like there's no one home." 

"Someone get this boy a coastal shelf to mope on!" Lisa instigates, laughter in her eyes. 

"He's moody as a snapper! As sure as a dogfish bites, someone’s made him lose his head!" Marcos' grin is as lopsided as he is, floating above Lance's head, he shoves him away, wondering if he should just retreat. 

"Seriously guys flip off, it's not gonna happen." Lance heaves a larger piece off the side as gently as he can, frowning at the coral beneath, it would take a lot of song and time for these poor things to come back. 

"Come on tell us who the deep-sea hunk is!" Rachel leers at him, eyebrows dancing, behind her Lance glimpses Coran and Allura, one has a look of concern, the other… well Lance can't quite identify Alluras look. 

"There's no deep sea hunk." Lance turns away, seriously debating finding that shark again.

There's a long pause, but Lances hope of them giving up is crushed when Veronicas panicked voice breaks the silence,

"Oh no. Please, please no. Lance please tell me you didn't go and," She cuts herself off, looking around frantically before coming in closer with a low hiss of, "seduce a human?" 

Lance gives an indignant squawk,

"I did not, seduce, anyone!" 

"But there is a human??? Lance, what are you thinking? Liking human stuff is one thing, but this- Lance what are you thinking??" With hands on his shoulders to hold him still, Veronica levels him with a desperate look. 

"Ronis right Lance, the human world is no place for us." Luis, like everyone else, has taken on a serious face. 

And those expectations are back. Those heavy looks, so much weight pressing into his chest, and yet no clue what it is they want from him. What it is they think he needs to do. 'Youre the future, Lance.' 

"I don't know what it is you think is up there Lance, but just take a look around you! Life under the sea is better than anything they got up there." Lisa takes on a lighter tone. 

Lance knows what's coming, knows because he's been told before, has tried to convince himself, but something always comes to remind him why he wants to escape. 

"I mean seriously, what more are you lookin for? Up there they work all day-'' Lance pointedly looks at the debris he's clearing and Marco is quick to continue, "they're slaving away under the sun's hot rays. While we get to float around down here all the time, nice and cool."

Lance wonders what they do in their territory, for all of Lance's collection, it's taken him years of little moments of free time to gather stuff, and honestly half of it was Coran and Romelle gifting him stuff. 

"And you know what they do to fish on land, they're either in a bowl or," Rachel runs a finger along her throat with a harsh click sound, "on the plate. Just imagine what they'd do to us!" 

"Not to mention, they can't possibly beat our rhythm." Luis sports a confident smile, but Lance remembers the song he'd heard on that ship. 

As if on cue however, the reef comes alive with song. Healing waves of energy that quickly distracts the mers before him, and Lance takes his chance and bolts with them none the wiser. 

He heads towards his grotto, needing some peace and quiet before his inevitable summons. He liked the McClain pod, they'd been around as long as he can remember, but they always left him feeling like he was missing something. Not that they weren't missing some major parts to his story too, but Lance didn't want them to know either. 

He enters his grotto with a tired sigh, running on no sleep and brain still too busy and anxious for it to come anytime soon. He takes in his collection, hoping for some comfort or peace of any kind. Anything to stave off what's to come-

"So you've finally returned."

Lance flips around fast enough to make his head spin, there looming in the shadows of the entrance, Triton now glowing with power,

"My. son." 

…

Keith stalks through the halls of the palace, determined to find a ship, or a carriage, something so he can search himself. To find the boy who saved him, the one whose song rings in his head, the one who risked their own life to get him home alive. 

"You aren't supposed to be out of bed yet." 

He turns to see his mother, standing tall and regal, like the Queen she is, in the doorway to the dining hall. She eyes him, the bandage on his head, the scaring mark on his jaw, the unsteady walk of a sailor on land- and a waterlogged man who should probably be resting, maybe.

"I don't need rest, I'm fine." Keith wants to leave it at that, but of course,

"Join me for breakfast." She turns without his answer, not that he could turn her down. 

They sit, eating quietly, but Keith is tense. He knows she wants to say more, but she takes her time, figuring out exactly what she wants to get across. After so many years away, only to return after news of her husband's passing, the two knew very little of interacting with each other. It was Kolivan and Shiro that kept them from having a bigger rift than they did. 

"I don't want you going out there again. You need to be here, preparing for the throne." 

Keith takes a breath, before he'll say something he'll regret,

"The boy who saved my life is out there. I'm going to find him-"

"Keith-"

Keith stands, chair falling behind him,

"I don't want to be king. I never have. I belong on the water-"

She slams her hands on the table, silencing filling the room,

"You are grounded. There will be no sailing, you will stay here and heal." 

He stares at her, the woman who never cared to stay, who left his father to raise him. The woman who knew next to nothing of him, who wanted to trap him to this existence of walls and nothingness. He turns and storms out of the room, heading for the cliffs, anything to get away.  

All he'd ever wanted, as a boy born on a ship but raised on an isolated island, was the open sea and sky, freedom that seemed so far from his reach. He was only able to grasp some semblance of happiness sailing on excursions to learn and trade, his brother- in all that mattered- right beside him. 

And now, his soul tugs again, towards something- not quite new- but foreign in a way he'd never thought of. He's haunted, thinking only of a blurry memory of someone leaning over him, more of a feeling really, and a song he sings. A song  that takes him, to places beyond his wildest dreams, to uncharted waters miles beyond the seas he knows. 

Keith had been sure he was darkness bound, destined to drown at sea and never return home. Then, miraculously, he’s saved, pulled above the stormy seas and all the way to land, before being left alone, to stand on the shoreline while his mind remains lost at sea. He wishes only for him to be found again, so he can stop wondering about who he is, where he’ll be next, and to hear his song from the source rather than this echoing in his head. Someone somehow stronger than the undertow, yet able to glow silhouetted by the rising sun, to return him to land in only a night's time. 

He won’t be able to get over this mystery, something- someone- so intriguing, there was no way he’d give up before it was solved. Somewhere, beyond where man can see, with eyes that outshine the horizon line, where they can face the unknown side by side. Whether on the shoreline where he was left, or where no compass or map can guide him, Keith would find this mystery boy, no one would stop him. It’d be easier, he’s sure, for this boy to find him once again, right where he was left, but good things aren’t always easy are they?

Throw whatever you have at me, wild uncharted waters, he’d face it all.

<<Prev next>>

[local-writer]

This post contains spoilers for twd; Daryl Dixon! If you haven't finished the first season, then please do not read this post!

I also want to give a warning about talks of self harm and suicide (something the show didn't do, which pisses me off), so please be cautious. That being said, if you haven't watched the 5th episode yet, please be cautious of this as well.

I just finished watching the season final and holy shit CAROL IS BACK IM SO HAPPY

If she actually manages to make it to France and track Daryl's ass down then she is officially a better tracker then Daryl lmao

I hope she does find him and she's able to bring him back home, because the last episode genuinely had me questioning Daryl. SURELY he's not thinking of staying in France??? Surely the writers aren't stupid??? EVERYONE, me included, wants to see Daryl reunite with his family, and most importantly, Rick, who we know is alive and HOPEFULLY will return home. Carol said over the radio that someone came back, and I'm really hoping that it's Rick and Michonne.

They all deserve to be together again, and I'm genuinely gonna be pissed if Rick doesn't come home and Daryl stays in France 🙃

I personally don't think Daryl would do that, it's just not like him to replace and forget his first family. Like, it's great that he found a possible love interest and another kid he cares about, but I hope he doesn't stay. Maybe he could talk them into going with him? Idk I hope they work something out. The relationships he built with them is cute, heartwarming, and I don't want to see them separate but I REALLY don't wanna see him stay either.

Another thing I want to talk about is the ending of the last episode. Okay, I know they can't show Rick with Carol (if he came home) because that would probably end up spoiling the new Rick and Michonne series. But we all know that Rick would have went with her to find Daryl, his brother, just like Daryl would and HAS done for him. So that makes me wonder if Carol lied to Daryl to try and get him to come home? But again, I'm hoping that Rick and Michonne came home. 🤞

I will drop this series so fast if they don't reunite. I know that probably makes me sound like a brat who didn't get her way, but it's the ending that the series and the characters deserve, and there's no better way to end it in my opinion. That's how it should have ended a long time ago, and don't get me wrong, I love all the new series they're coming out with, but it kinda feels like they're drawing out the series as long as possible so they can milk it dry. Hopefully this doesn't take the series down a shitty road in the end.

Oh, and can we talk about Isabelle in episode 5? And her almost suicide attempt?? I know the show is all kinds of fucked up and I think we've seen shit like this before and should expect it but the wrist cutting was a trigger for me. I didn't like it and I wasn't expecting her to almost go through with it. What was the fucking point of even showing it, she didn't even pierce her skin (and no, I'm not saying she should have for the scene to make sense, I'm glad she didn't) If there was a trigger warning, I sure didn't see it, but they probably should have considered putting one. Idk, maybe I should have expected it from her, considering she's tried it before in her past, but I didn't think that information was a clue that she would even think about trying it again later. Needless to say, I'll be more cautious whenever the next season is out, that's for sure.

Sorry that half of this was a bit of a mini rant, I wanted this post to be more on the positive side, because I genuinely enjoyed the first season, but the ending was questionable and it ticked me off a bit at the slight possibility that Daryl may end up staying in France.

On a more positive note, I thought the super strength that some of the walkers had made them more scary, and it was cool to see Daryl fight them. He's such a badass!

I said "what the fuck?" more than once with these new walkers lmao. That one on the boat that Daryl was being held captive on scared me when he started ripping that man's guts out and just- flinging them instead of eating them. THAT'S NOT NORMAL WALKER BEHAVIOR WHAT IS THIS DEMON. The black eyes even make them look like demons from Supernatural. 😭

Oh, and I wasn't expecting Daryl to yell at Laurant the way he did, which really broke my heart. I bet those were things his dad said to him when he was a kid. Although I kinda wished to smack Daryl, I guess I can't blame him too much. We learn from our parents, and Daryl learned how to take his anger out on kids from his dad, which is all the wrong ways (you're never supposed to take your anger out on kids, your own especially). I'm just glad Laurant forgave Daryl, because he didn't mean it. And no, I'm not saying it's okay what Daryl said, so don't come at me because I'm not defending Daryl's actions here.

Well, I guess that's it for now until next season. Share your thoughts and opinions if you want, I'd like to hear them!

[dragontame]

Hi I'm Charlie and I'm absolutely in love with your planet 51 art xD. I've rewatched the movie 3 times by now because I work with children and we had to play the same movie two times for each group of them lol. Then I went home and watched it the 3rd time and ummm now that's all I can think of. I started to search more stuff about the film and I was SHOCKED to find out that there's not much of fanarts of it, there's no info on fandomwiki, there's literally NOTHING 😭 and then I found your blog and was very happy lol.

At the moment I'm trying to fix the problem with fandomwiki and put more info into it that is CANON and NOT headcanon stuff people have been putting there. The issue I have is that there's no way for me to actually get the info. I will rewatch the movie 2 more times to get as much as I can. I also tried to find the art book to read online but you can only buy it and I'm kinda uhhhh I live in Russia and there's no way for me to do so 😭 Now I will search every corner of the internet to find everything I need lol.

The thing is that I don't even like the movie that much. I mean it's a very good movie but it's not a masterpiece and it has a lot of problems that could have been easily fixed. But anyway- thank you for listening and thank you for still being in the fandom!!! I really adore your art and the way you draw the characters! Also ty for your old art book posts because now I can use some of the info from them lol. Have a great day and thank you once again. *runs away towards the sunset*

OMG!!! Thank you so much for this heartfelt message 💕 Yeah, it's really hard to find art for this movie since the fandom is small, but I'm glad my art works and post about Planet 51 brought you so much joy 😊 Especially my posts about the art book, I try my best to post at least official information that can confirm some things about the movie since I know not everyone can afford the book or it's unavailable to be shipped to where they live. I'm especially glad this will help you correct some stuff for the Planet 51 fan wiki pages as I understand that they have information that is really not canon to the movie, especially the false information that Chuck is married and has 12 kids even though that was a lie to get Lem to help him escape. Hopefully if I find more information in the art book, I'll definitely keep on posting about it for people like you to enjoy and understand the world of Planet 51 😄

[various-short-stories]

When All The World Is Dark

Here again with another short story! This is the first chapter of a new one I'm writing. I'll hopefully be posting at least one chapter per week from now on. Feel free to leave a comment if you feel like making any suggestions or giving feedback!

“When all the world is dark, would you choose to turn on the lights, or would you take comfort in the darkness like so many others?” This was the question that rang through Benjamin’s head each day he woke up. He couldn’t remember who had said it, only that it was someone from a long time ago, before the world went dark. He used to think he’d fall in the former group, but he had given up hope when the last lamp on his street finally shattered. By this point, he had managed to convince himself that it wasn’t all that bad. At least the things in the dark couldn’t see him anymore.

Benjamin busied himself with his daily tasks. Today he only needed to draw the well and make the soup. The rest of his small community had the rough tasks, like gathering supplies and checking the perimeters. While everyone else was away, the camp was much quieter. He preferred when the camp was noisier because it reminded him of home. Sometimes when his tasks were all finished, he’d sit down with one of the few instruments they had left just to fill that void with a cacophony of notes. He wasn’t any good at it, but to be fair, it was hard to read sheets without light.

Once the buckets were filled, Benjamin made sure to shut the door and draw the blinds before lighting the stove. He boiled a pot of water and threw in various strange plants they knew to be edible, and added in some salt for flavoring. It wasn’t much, but it was all they really had. The supplies had been getting more and more scarce these last few weeks. When he was done, he made sure to drop a couple of the stones from the fire into the pot before extinguishing the stove and leaving.

He had some time before everyone else was done, so he decided he might as well take the opportunity to check the supplies. A quick jog to the shed and a few minutes of counting later, Benjamin began to feel a bit worried. “Even last week we had at least four days of food and enough firewood to last the next couple of weeks. Now there’s barely enough for tomorrow…”, he whispered to himself. If they kept on like this, there wouldn’t be a camp by the end of the next week. They’d have to move soon, but there was no way they’d make it past the things in the dark without lanterns, but the last of the fuel was spent a long time ago. He resolved to bring this up tonight when the camp gathered for their weekly meeting.