#I'll be back to normal by like tomorrow
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Semi-ranty post (it's kinda long so I put a divider lol)
Y'all ever get so unbelievably angry that you feel like ripping out your own teeth using your bare hands? Or is that just me? ... I have healthy ways of dealing with stress and anger; why do you ask? Really is times like these when I realize that I have issues displaying and conveying my emotions. Like I want to pull out my own hair (which I used to do and apparently that's not a good thing lol) and scream. ... As bad as it is to say, I wish I was normal. Seriously hate how my brain functions. (not trying to shit on the rest of the neurodivergent folks; please don't take it as that.) (Also, just in case someone asks: I can't afford therapy so venting via socials is the best I've got... Since I don't talk to my parents about how I feel either.)
#sorry just needed to vent#I'll be back to normal by like tomorrow#I've just gotten so pissed so quick lately and I hate it#I'm overwhelmed and overstimulated by everything and I am sick of it lmao#even the holiday sucked#I don't even know how I feel tbh#and I am just sick of it lol#okay ill shut up now#sorry for the rant#and random thoughts#just needed to get this out#love y'all
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[141] Hermitcraft x Odyssey crossover au where for no good reason this interaction happens
#141#xisuma#xisumavoid#daily xisuma#hermitcraft#odysseus#the odyssey#sure lmao I'll tag outside of normal bounds#something something hermits as gods of their world#something something stuff unveiling as a side plot over several episodes between building and sillying on the hermit side vs actual life#and death constantly on the odyssey side#I like hermits portrayed as odd and callous in outside pov. they'd sacrifice one another for a piece of chicken#but on inside pov of course you'll sacrifice your friend for a piece of chicken. they'll reappear on the bed you'll give them back their#stuff and then you'll laugh about it tomorrow#yarrr I like crossover aus :-)#also something about how in the Iliad I think people in battle went and picked up one another's armor when they died. irl minecraft battle
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Meme dump yayyy🥳✨️
(off to make more now muhahaha >:3)
#SIGH WHERE HAD LILI DISAPPEARED TO THIS TIME? TSK TSK SMH 😔#Now now my dearest darling loyal subjects fret not~!!#your beloved princess shall answer all your worries away ~★#mwah mwah~<3#heh~🤭🩷#Soooo updated time!!! >_<#I'm on a road trip halfway across the country rn (was a fun bad idea..my cousins and I nearly had a heat stroke TWICE but it's soo worth it#...I'll hopefully be back by tonight because it's my grandfather's birthday tomorrow and we're planning a surprise party for him#Muhahaha >:3#* happy dances*#Anyways I had time to kill between crying while playing mystic messenger together with my cousin#(I'm making her do Saeran's route sjbqbjjbqjbqbj9ioqjqhiqohwu9wh9uwub I LOVE HIM I ADORE HIM HE WAS THE FIRST CHARACTER I EVER WANTED TO#MARRY HE IS SO DREAM HUSBAND CODED SIJSB8YWBUW MY POOR POOR SWEET ANGEL BABY YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER#THE WORLD DOES NOT DESERVE YOU AAHHHIHSIHAIJIAJ AND OMG HIS ENDING SONG IT ALWAYS MAKES ME CRY SJOBSOJHJSH0SSUS0SSHU0IS0HISH0IS0JHSHJS0HIS0#EVEN IF YOU WERE AN EXPIRED LOLIPOP I'D STILL EAT YOU!! I'D ALWAYS EAT YOU AND ONLY YOU NO MATTER WHAT#I-I MEAN PICK YOU!!! I'D ALWAYS PICK YOU NO MATTER WHAT!! NOT TO SAY THAT I WOULDN'T CANNIBALISE YOU!!#GIVE ME THE CHANCE AND I'D LICK YOU UP I WON'T LEAVE A SINGLE DROP BEHIND O-OF THE LOLIPOP OF OFC NOT TO SAY I WOULDN'T DO THE SAME IF IT#WAS HIS C- I'LL STOP MUST CONTROL I CAN'T WRITE ESSAYS HERE OF HOW MUCH I LOVE AND WANT SAERAN AHHHH MY HEART🥺🩷🩷😭😭)#*cough cough*sooo anywho I'm normal now dw!!😇✨️ (/lie)#and us reading ORV (I'm on chapter 340 something rn and kdj is kdj and i just want to soksjnss9hsj9sbu that stupid squid (/affectionate)#and if I start ranting rn it would never end...#so expect like a 80000 words essay when I'm done with the full novel🫠)#I cleared out my phone gallery yayyy heh🥳🤭 and found so many RH memes that I never posted lmao#Oh!!! And I've noticed something even though I'm a Vin girly through and through#(as evidenced by the fact that my blog is quite literally a shrine to him)#I always end up making Crux memes more...That stupid green onion clown you're so easy to love😔🩷#Anyways Lili out now mwah mwah mwah 🩷🩷🫂✨️#♡{reanimated heart}♡#reanimated heart#reanimatedheart
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#currently on the worst road trip of my whole entire life! well. i don't want to jinx it lmao but#today i popped TWO TIRES at once in the middle of the Katy Freeway in Houston TX (the widest highway in the US; 26 lanes btw)#managed to make it over to the shoulder without DYING but then had to sit there for like an hour? and panic called a tow truck because duh#I know how to change a tire but I was – again – sitting on the shoulder of the widest freeway on the continent so#anyway I called a tow; a guy showed up. I assumed it was the tow! turned out it was not. but he helped me put on the spare and then was lik#“follow me to my shop I can do the tires for you” and I was like okay! 👍 but then the ACTUAL tow called me and I realized this was#just a random guy (very nice up to that point but then I got scared about following him to a secondary location?) and so I didn't lmao#I just kept driving and didn't follow him but the guy on the phone was then mad at me because I wasn't where I said I would be because#AGAIN – I thought the original guy WAS the tow company that I called? but anyway guy 2 on the phone was like “YOU OWE ME $200!!!!”#and I said for what? also how would I pay you? and he tried to get me to cash app him lmao?? I didn't. I hung up on him#he called me like 6 more times yelling at me until I finally just blocked his number 💀#however NOW at this point I'm driving on one spare tire and one rapidly-flattening second tire and I still have 3 hours left to get where#I was going for the night and to top it all off I'm in the middle of a city I've only been to one time before? so I manage to get to a hote#like a nice-ish one where I'm like “okay if I get stuck here this won't be the end of the world”#because keep in mind today is a national holiday so basically everything is closed!!!! btw!!!!!#but eventually I'm sitting there and it's literally 100F outside and I remember oh right lol I have car insurance which pays for a tow#(a normal one; not a random one I panic-found on google who calls me screaming at me to cash app him $200)#so anyway I call my insurance and the guy on the phone is very nice and is like “it's okay; we'll have someone to you in 45 min”#and I'm like okay. OKAY. 🙌💪 I am a strong independent woman who is figuring this out and no longer on the side of the highway#but instead in a nice calm neighborhood and all I have to do is wait 45 min and everything will be okay#one hour goes by. I call back. get redirected to the tow company that was dispatched. guy says oh! is my guy not there yet?#I say no. he says okay – I'll have him call you. hangs up.#okay. 20 more min go by. guy finally calls me. says “I'm 20-25 min away” at this point I've been waiting about an hour and a half#I say. okay? okay. 30 more minutes go by. I try to call the guy back. straight to voicemail. three more calls. three more no answers.#I call my insurance back. sit on hold for 15 min. eventually get put through to a different person who's like “okay let me check on him”#get put on hold. eventually she comes back and says “okay he says 15 minutes” I've been waiting over 2 hours at this point. I have to PEE#I just... burst into tears. on the phone with this poor random woman from Geico Insurance. I'm bawling my eyes out.#she was trying to get claim info from me but I'm crying so hard she's like “oh baby no. okay. okay. we can get that from you tomorrow.”#when you cry so hard that even the insurance company is like “you know what we're just going to let this one slide”#anyway guy eventually shows up. he's very nice even though I hate him a little for being so late. he drives me to an OPEN TIRE SHOP
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was watching my mum responding to text after text getting frustrated because she wanted to make lunch but people wouldn't stop texting her
and i was like just. ignore them? just ignore the texts? i will ignore texts for hours until i feel like responding sometimes it's fine?
anyway my dad called me shallow for that one lmaoooo
#bruh#just because i'm TECHNICALLY available 24/7 doesn't mean i have to act like it#sometimes i will put my phone on charge for a day and forget about it#and then come back to several messages#normally there is none but sometimes i'm like oh i missed something huh#using this example because idk when i put my phone on charge today but i only just remembered it existed#i'll grab it tomorrow or something it's fine#sometimes i will see a message preview from someone and go oh. not urgent. i'll respond once i finish what i'm doing#or god forbid i'll respond when i feel like being available again#IF someone says ANYTHING implying they'll text me soon and want an answer then YES OBVIOUSLY I WILL RESPOND RIGHT AWAY#if i see a message preview that sounds time sensitive THEN YES I WILL RESPOND RIGHT AWAY#NORMALLY I DO RESPOND AS SOON AS I HAVE A MOMENT IN FACT#BUT HAVING A MOMENT IS NOT JUST WHEN I TECHNICALLY HAVE FREE HANDS#if i'm making lunch it can wait. if i'm hanging washing out it can wait. if i'm reading a book i can finish my page. etc etc etc#unless. i'm expecting. an urgent. text. it. can. wait. until. i finish. what. i'm. doing.#technically in any of those examples i can reply immediately my hands and brain can be free in 1 second#bUT I'LL DIE ON THE HILL THAT I CAN FINISH WHAT I'M DOING#admittedly. sometimes i forget by the time i'm done. that's on me. but still#9 times out of 10 i don't reply right away because i don't have my device on me/in front of me anyway#i don't plan on changing that one my bad
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some harmoknight headcanons i have!! this isn't all of them, but here's some for lyra and tempo!!
Lyra
Lives in Symphony City, near the exit close to Calypso Beach and the Tori Gate.
Ever since she was younger, she always wanted to protect the people she cared for most. This was her main drive to eventually become a soldier of Melodia.
She mainly patrolled Calypso Beach before the Noizoids struck, but after they did, she found herself patrolling Rock Range and Marching Hills more.
She sometimes gets into small fights with Tyko, but thankfully they simmer down before they get any worse…
Has a weakness for sweets.
Tempo
Doesn't like talking much. However, he feels comfortable talking to Woodwin and Tappy. Maybe if enough time passes, the same will go for Lyra, Tyko, Cymbi, and Ariana...?
Has a big Allegro plush in his room thanks to Octarina. Sometimes, he's even seen sleeping while hugging the thing…
Sees his mentor as a [grand]father figure of sorts.
He visits his friends quite often! Sometimes they all get together in his house to have fun :D
Can be seen drawing sometimes. His art isn't the greatest, but they're charming enough to make you smile!
Despite saving the world, he still does training. Can't have his skills growing rusty!
Doesn't like going to Baroque Volcano. You know why.
#harmoknight#phione's rambling#headcanons#to be honest i had more in the back but#they're kinda more on the angsty side#i do like angst but i dunno if anyone else in harmoknight tumblr does#i'll share em if anyone's interested though! [i'll probably have it under the read more just in case :D]#also its funny how this is the third harmoknight post i made today#i am normal about this game i swear#i guess today's one of those days where i really wanna ramble about the things i like#but thats a good thing cause that means i just really like it!#i still also gotta work on the mettoro and rinet thing#tomorrow [hopefully] [maybe] [probably]#but yeah!!! please enjoy my silly little headcanons :D#there's gonna be more coming eventually so stay tuned!!
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Goddammit.
Look. I love modern medicine. It's great.
But can Albuterol please fucking not with the shakes. I am trying to figure out whether the whole mystery breathing issue is getting worse thank you and the anxiety-adjacent side effects are not helping knock it off.
#personal#this has already happened once#and the doc was all “okay your lungs sound better now; no crackling - you can stop the inhaler if you want”#a month later and moderate exercise still makes me need to sit down when previously I could run circles around “fit” people#time for my primary care doc; this shit ain't normal!#does he have any sort of in-person appointment anytime soon? course not but I'll take what I can get#“ok back to Albuterol and let's add a steroid cuz it sounds like you have inflammation as well”#note: there has been no x-ray and nobody has listened to my lungs in at least a month so I'm trying not to hear “this is a wild guess”#been on THOSE for a few weeks and I swear I'm getting worse and y'know what fuck it I'm taking a sick day tomorrow#for all I know I have Long COVID now fucking thank you society#venting#venting to the void#whatever#but UGH CAN SOMEONE PLEASE MAKE MY LUNGS DO THE OXYGEN THING. THIS BLOWS.
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#x: still asleep (ooc.)#like this post and I'll send you some n.sfw/spicy memes!#crazy few weeks are coming to and end; I'm back to normal work hours tomorrow finally aaaaaahhhhhhhhhh
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The day is gonna end soon so I just wanted to say a final thank you to everyone who wished me a happy birthday <3 Thank you all so so much! You've all really made today so special!
#pan rambles#Sorry for sounding like a broken record but it's true-agkdngkdfn#Seeing all the messages really brightened up my day and I really appreciate it ;v;#You're all very sweet and I can't thank you enough!#Also sorry for how long it might've taken me to answer some of the asks-#Afksnfkdnfkd I'm quite tired now! Today was busier than I expected it to be!#Doesn't help that I cried like mlre than once-afksnf#Contrary to the fact this is literally a blog about me being affectionate with fictional dudes-#I get very overwhelmed (in a good way) by affection quite quickly-afksnfkdb The right words and I'll be a sobbing mess#When a pal I've known for many years#(hehe I can gush about her here bc she doesn't follow this blog) said “Thank you for being a part of my life” I instantly started to cry#My gushing and thanking aside-I promise I'll be back to the usual stuff tomorrow!#I will be normal self ship blog again I prommy <3#Hope you all have a great night!!!
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I love how I get like one week every month where I'm normal. Two if I'm lucky
#as normal as i can get w everything i got going on i mean#im getting this birth control removed tomorrow so hopefully that helps me stay normal longer#i know for a fact my hormones are causing my intense depression lately#because after my period is over i feel fine for a bit like im happy about my life and i can do things more easily#and then closer to my period i start hating myself & my intrusive throughts get worse#and I'll feel depressed for days on end#i used to be incorrectly diagnosed w bipolar 1 because of these symptoms#but back when this birth control worked the first time and my periods went away those cycles stopped#just feels weird suddenly snapping out of depression just bc im done bleeding#.bdo
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me, a 30 y/o who has gradually grown more and more reclusive over the years, unable to hold a job for more than a month and unable to finish any schooling despite many attempts, who struggles immensely with social situations to the point of avoiding everything, has been misdiagnosed w/ bpd in the past, & been in treatment for depression & anxiety for nearly 2 decades atp: so i think i'm autistic
the psychiatrist i only got in to see after suffering a severe mental/emotional breakdown for the second time in my life: ok well most physicians don't do assessments for that anymore, you'd have to go private and pay around $5000 to find out
me: surprisedpikachu.jpg
#this is entirely personal and literally just me complaining so i'm gonna stick it under a cut#but LOOK ok i've had a drink and i'm MAD about this again#well actually the last time i mentioned it (i think i mentioned it here anyway...) i was more distressed & upset than mad but#u get me. i think it's just fresh again bc i talked about that appointment again in counselling today ajkshkfsd#love that i can't truly figure out what's wrong w/ me without paying out the fucking nose money that i dON'T HAVE#even though it's impacted my life to this point and i can't function to the level generally expected of a normal person my age#i'm in canada ffs. i've had no trouble getting healthcare in any other area. i'm so??? mad?????#this appointment was like two months ago why am i pissed NOW???#w/e W/E might delete this later might not i just needed to let off some steam & i've got literally nowhere else to put this asjkds#ignore meeeee i'll try writing tomorrow lovelies ok#for now....... back to degen hour gaming & muttering to myself about how stupid life on this godforsaken planet is#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don't @ me.#personal cw
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pretty sure i just got a spider bite while trying to fall asleep 🧍
#i thought it was just a stray hair on my elbow under the blanket and kept trying to shake it off#and then i finally went to brush it off w my hand and felt a bump there#and then it was unbearably itchy so i turned the lamp on to apply some anti-itch stuff bc it was driving me nuts#and i was trying to see where it was on my elbow bc wtf when did i get bit#and then i looked at it and it was very pale like a fresh bite and then there was some skin torn like a spider bite#i cant tell if theres two little holes or not and honestly idk if spiders always leave two fang marks fjdkdl#but it doesnt look like a mosquito bite unless i tore the skin myself from scratching at it#but the way it is looking... very similar to past spider bites#anyways i just removed everything from my bed and methodically searched Everything. looked all around the bed too. cannot find a spider#so. shrug. <- actually very afraid#but the thing that makes me Really think it's a spider is that the bump was super pale and now after a little while it is regular skintone#so that makes me think it was a brand new fresh bite the way it was a different colour and now its normal looking#which is uhhh scary! to have had a spider possibly in my bed!#and I can't find it so i simply do not Know and that is going to make it so hard to sleep tonight fjfkdl#man i barely ate today too so im just... really not doing well at this very moment fjfkdl#i cant eat anything rn though bc i already brushed my teeth and i dont want to do that again tonight fjfkdl#but i am. so hungry. augh. idk what I'd even eat anyways im too anxious to stomach anything#WHERE IS THIS SPIDER. WHY DID IT CHOOSE MY BED TO BE IN 😭#im in bed so often ... it should avoid places where ppl are ....#i feel like such shit rn fjdkdl i just rly wish i didnt have to deal w all these bugs#in the past month I've had a couple spiders and Several(!) weevils and a centipede and a clicker beetle and a couple earwigs#im just so tired of bugs i rly am fjfkdl idk why they choose to come inside and idk HOW they're getting inside#i hate living in a basement!!#i just want to sleep so i dont have to deal w being awake for a while fjdkls but now im all freaked out#i want to curl into a little ball and blink out of existence I'll be so honest rn. im just. idk.#✨ I don't think I have a place in society ✨ i am not a good enough person to exist in the world ✨#i dont want to go to sleep bc what if the spider comes back fjfkdl i wish i would've found it so i could've trapped it#and then let it outside tomorrow! i wouldnt have even killed it. the universe should've given me that one bc im so niceys#unfortunately the universe doesnt play nice w me fjfksl#spider tw
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I may be on day two of being stuck in bed thanks to some of the ✨worst back pain I've ever had in my life✨, but the neighbours are outside grilling, the window is open a bit, and it smells so fucking good. I'm not even hungry rn, but I am v much enjoying the second hand good food smells.
#text post#if im still not online much today the pain is why lmao#Housemate has been an absolute angel looking after me and helped me figure out it's nothing more serious#i just really befuckened my back 🙃#feeling a great deal better today than it did yesterday tho so I'm crossing my fingers I'll be back to normal by tomorrow#or at least as close to normal as possible lol#for today i am continuing the schedule of ibuprofen water edibles heating pad and naps on the wedge pillow#with the extra benefit of the neighbours grilling what must be something w/a nice marinade on it bc#like im not a big meat eater or bbq person at all but this smells so sweet and interesting that even im like 👀#...i might be slightly hungry actually but that's a win bc i was physically sick yesterday from this stupid knot in my back#and managed some nibbles yesterday but know i need to try and ramp that up today if possible#so grill away neighbours and help convince my stomach to nibble something later today
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Sometimes i feel useless and annoying
#//vent#my vent art is... normal sometimes like this one so okay to rb but idk might delete later or removing the tags#i use a lot the wilsons as confort ch actually#idk sometime i feel like i'm not that appreciated in the fandom idk despite my heart know it's wrong#i think it just bc i overthink about some tawog artists that i enjoyed giving support for months but they never interacted with me#and for one of them their art and cute doodles helped me in personal stuff + brought me back to tawog fandom#and i hoped to make them smile with my art but.. yeah they just... don't care after these months#I get sad and disappointed that now they art send just... /neg vibes so i unfollowed them#idk i just feel guit that i made them upset for... unknown reasons#sigh i should just don't care about that and keep to draw dor myself#cringy or not#i'm mostly an optimistic person but overthink a lot when i feel anxious haha#i'll be probably smile and enjoy life again tomorrow#if ppl wanna talk or sending cute ask ye you can#talking with ppl help me to confort so feel free
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Physically, I'm already lying down.
Emotionally, I feel like I need to find a soft spot and crumple dramatically to the ground and lay down for a few weeks.
#sonder speaks#personal#but also if I wasn't fine with this being read/reblogged without context I wouldn't have posted it here#this week has been exhausting#I feel like I need permission from someone to go crawl into a nest and cry#one of my budgies died a few days ago#but I was looking after other animals that normally have a more dedicated caretaker#which was hard enough to handle that I couldn't really mourn my budgie much#especially when I need to keep happy around the remaining one so he doesn't grieve or get lonely#and I had to do a few specific tasks that are really really hard on me because nobody was there to help#and I tried to help my sister with things but none of the things worked#and a plan our family is excited about started to hit roadblocks#and one member of the family had a meltdown that triggered trauma in others in the family and drove things downhill#the family members at the center of this meltdown normally help me with chores and animal care#I was looking forward to them being home so I could rest and recuperatr and mourn#and now the meltdown has followed them here and it's built on top of years of other meltdowns and everything is tense#and of course it's bringing up old traumas and expectations and fears for me too#and I end up as a 30 year old feeling like he has 16 year old problems again#my whole body is tense#I'm not tired enough to sleep#I almost feel like crying for my budgie and all my fears and the things I let mysrlf get excited for#the things that either won't happen at all or are tainted by this veil of persistent bitterness that followed them home to me#almost#but I fear the possibility that crying could make things worse in any capacity#and I've struggled to cry for years anyway#so I'm just trying to use therapy tools to quiet the spiraling thoughts#and making this post because it feels like journaling without the pitfalls I fall into while journaling or talking directly to a person#hoping I'll get enough sleep that I don't accidentally trigger a sleep-deprivation/stress seizure my meds can't stop#and tomorrow I have to get back to studying which is very hard for me but gets me closer to making money#I liked when things were mostly good and calm and just sucked on a passive level -- can I have that again?
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halloween is like in a month and as worlds worst procrastinator (self declared title) i think i'm finally gonna fufill my dreams and make an animation meme of the mtt with that one happy halloween junky rin song (but ughhh i need to decide on costumes i'll give them!!!!! off to the drawing board!!)
#this is to say i'm actually doing something productive with my time#instead of just doomscrolling and wasting hours on tiktok#i should probably do my homework ngl#anyways! i was thinking it would totally be hilarious if one of the costumes was the jk mtt#like maybe i put one of the real mtt in the jk mtt's outfits. it would be so fucking hilarious#and also i want them to have cool different weapons than just normal bone axe knife thing#i want horror to have a chainsaw. or a sawblade. either one#and i want killer to have those cool double swords that zuko from atla has. maybe he'll be a pirate#and obviously dust gets a gun. maybe i'll ditch the jk uniform idea and just put him in a hazmat suit#who knows man i haveIDEAS. now lets see if i have the motivation to fufill them#temporarily fueled by inspiration permanently held back by motivation#and my inspo is 500% gonna be the error version of this meme#and i want the mtt to all have short little cutscenes and then at the end all be together and have a cool final clip together#and like idfk im not an animator man.........#this is gonna test my animation skills i swear. maybe ill actually learn how to animate this instead of tweening#but tweening fun!!!! i just dk if it can achieve the look i want#anyways i think its ginna be so silly and cute and exactly what i dream of#i miss animation memes can we pls make them again. AND NOT HAVE THEM LAST A WEEK!!!!!#looking at YOU tiktok. animation memes are coming back but they only last NOT EVEN A MONTH!!!! WHAT THE HEL!!!!!!!!!#its not fair not fair not fair not fair NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR!!!!!!!!!!#so like. dust bazooka hazmat suit. killer double sword pirate. man i need to decide on horror#omg like a magicians assistant with the saw???? and now for my last trick ill make your head disappear#halloween edition of one head dog coming up. anyways i like that idea....... yeah#tricule rant#but of course ill do that tomorrow. i have homework to do!
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