#I'll be back sometime but not tonight
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#โis he under water or in space?โ#well wouldn't YOU like to know weatherboy#<< sorry that vine has been in my head all day and y'all are my outlet#so my goal for the year was to get more confident with colors#i think i'm getting there#this *does* have a tone curve on it but i didn't adjust much so i'm considering that a win#just wanted to bring back some of the teal tones i lost while rendering#closing requests sometime tonight btw!#i'll do it whenever i go to bed#so that could mean in one hour or in five (because what's a sleep schedule)#ralsei#deltarune#ralsei in places that don't exist in actual deltarune#update; let's all pretend that i didn't forget to draw his horns
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I ate. A potato. Habpy.
#spotatalk#sorry for the nonsense boys <3#i consumed a full like. like ginormous baked potato w/ pulled pork and butter and cheese and stuff on it and#I've never eaten the whole thing in one sitting before#it was SO good#I'll be back to lore post sometime tonight hopefully but like#yeag Spot's out going into the wild abd eating potatoes >:]
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a quick little update that will affect probably literally absolutely nothing, but if you're someone who's followed me/faved any of my kingdom hearts stuff over on ao3, you might notice a change going forward..........and that's that i added a pseud!!!
now my kingdom hearts stuff should be listed under the name it was written under: tehicycountess ;P
i don't know why, but lately i've been thinking about my, like, eras as a writer, and it just felt right to me that all my kh stuff should be bundled up with that name. this shouldn't change anything about the fics themselves because they're all still tied to my main acct, but i thought i'd holler it out into the void anyway, just in case anyone noticed!! <3
#queenie rambles#so yes now i am both theicyqueen aND tehicycountess lmfao#truly. you can see. my growth. hahahahahahah#the spelling error is - i regret to inform you all - intentional#idk i just got to thinking that....im queenie NOW. but i was icy for so so long and truly sometimes it feels like#an entirely diff person was writing back then askdfjaskdfj not in a bad way! just...GOD it's been a long time#i wanted to bring icy back - even tho i don't know that i'll ever write kh stuff again#idk im being nostalgic on main tonight lmao
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People in my support group are printing out little trans joy colouring books and handing them out so we can all colour together while we talk tonight. Like, oh. This is the point, isn't it? This is what it's all about.
#<33#it is a struggle to go back sometimes just because depression and fatigue but i'm really glad i've kept going#and i think we've all needed a lot more support lately. with everything happening in alberta and NB.#i haven't drawn in so fucking long and esp not on paper. maybe i'll try tonight idk
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good morning!!! <333
#hehe i finished the quest yesterday#so i get to start back on exploration today :3#baby steps but soon i'll be done :3#also we're going to ihop for dinner so ^-^#...if things go the way i want to i might play more wuwa tonight#might start making that tuesday & friday nights#but also i wanna add an f/o tonight (the last one for now)#then sometime this week i get to post the fic i wrote last night :3#anyways~ i hope today/tonight is kind to you!!! <333#morning rambles
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yanno, for a show that seemed to always be running when i was growing up (disclaimer; I did not grow up with the channel; I only had access when visiting my mom's parents if they were even in the same state) Danny Phantom really is a short show, huh?
#personal;#I've got 7 episodes left and I could swear I remember catching bits of a good lot of them#over my cousin's shoulder or w/e#more so in the back half but not none in the front#raine watches Danny Phantom;#I did always like the show when i saw it. I can't remember if i ever finished all of Kim Possible either#I know i started once but i think ADHD deviated#maybe it'll be my next 'i don't have engagement energy' show#kids cartoons are really good for no energy#maybe I'll even watch more RECENT cartoons sometime (lol who am i kidding)#anyway Sam's a trans girl and I love her#and they manage to SOMEHOW make the Sam has a crush on Danny who has a crush on Paulina/Valerie not give me hives which is nice#(they did it by Sam not being any cattier than your average 14yo and not act like she's entitled to him and thus a girl fight)#Sam/Danny is a T4T narrative and I'll die on this hill#and Tucker is just happy to have a boyfriend AND a girlfriend after trying for so long and also his PDA is there#might still be a little manic#thought it wore off but no I'm just Big Seeby#I AM gonna take my tegretol tonight tho#I skipped it for 24hrs it's been fun but it's given me a headache (have found which med it is that makes me feel like dogshit when forgot)#.....I said am. I already did. I took my meds hours ago when i was gonna go to bed#(gf and I ended up having a talk but now it really is bedtime- I'm past the sleeby shakes)#(I'm starting to feel like that bitch in that one MAG ep and my brain is about to start buzzing again)
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"the lack of UO fanart of my favorite characters who I am So Normal about is fine, bc I can make my own," I say to myself as I proceed to repeatedly forget to factor wings as a piece of anatomy into the composition multiple times
#I never figured out a good way to stylize bird wings and you are not going to believe what these characters have on their backs#''but you can just copy the art stylization from the official art'' I promise I am trying I have no idea how to draw feathers#like I can draw them but I can't Draw Them In My Style#getting every part of an art piece to look like the same style for me is such a struggle sometimes#anyhow using Actual Real Life Bird Wing Anatomy as a ref and trying to translate it to a slightly abstracted style is hmm...#not something anyone got taught in art school where realism rules as king that's for sure#(I am doing fine I'm just complaining about art to distract myself from body aches)#anyhow I managed to somehow fuse a horse and a deer into a Passable unicorn so I think I'll call it good for tonight#oracle of lore
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we are so back and this muse is older than i'm used to playing him.
#{ ๐ out of character#fell hard and fast back into ninjago with dragons rising and lloyd's muse came running back#i'll have a starter call up sometime tonight or tomorrow im gonna be out all day but#raaaaaa#Excited
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it took me nearly an hour to write 160ish words, this is so slow and annoying
#we're at 770 words total#so only 3000 to go ๐#I'll try to write 200ish more tonight#and then tomorrow I'll try to do around 500#and then on the weekend i can do more because i wont be as exhausted#maybe this is just my personal experience but doing an internship and writing a thesis at the same time is HARD#like from 6 to around 3 (sometimes even later) i have the internship (transportation time included) and then i have no energy#so for the next few hours i cant do anything but rot in bed#and once you start rotting it's so hard to stop so the entire day is gone and youve done nothing#so then you stay up late at night to feel like youve accomplished sth (and also rot some more) and then youre even more tired the ne#*the next day#and i know a lot of people would be able to handle it differently and better but thats not me so theres no use compering#okay back to writing#jo says stuff#university update
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crazy how much better talking to someone can make u feel
#was actually having a terrible night but finally opening up to my mom helped sm#idk sometimes I forget how much genuinely straight up talking can help afkgskg#.........ok actually alcohol helped but like. that's bc it took me drinking to build up the courage to talk#which is a me issue more than anything but ahfkgkshsgj#yeah. idk. sorry I'm still sucking at keeping up w things buttttttttt#I'm kinda a dumbass for hoping I might get anything done tonight lmaoooooo#I need to get better at accepting my own limitations I think#........anyway. sorry for still not doing stuff I'll get back to things eventually but rn I need to be chill with what I can & can't manage#u know? if I need to take the weekend to properly fucking FINALLY let my brain relax I will#and if I'm chill enough to vibe w writing while I'm relaxing?? that's great!!!!#but I'm not gonna pressure myself I'm all vibes for the next few days bc that's what I fuckin need#that said.... I do love y'all ๐๐ ty for ur patience bc I need it so badly rn#โโ ห โฐ โฐ ooc โฎ donโt @ me.
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#it's 4ยฐC tonight and all i can think is tomorrow is exactly 4 years we've been together#sometimes it doesn't feel like that much time has passed and other times like now it does#i met him at such a strange & sorrowful moment in life#if you had told me 8 months later that i'd make the choice to try loving someone again i wouldn't have believed you#yet here i am#and honestly i can't imagine what my life would be like or who i'd be without him#so many of the best parts of me came from finding someone who helped me understand that i wasn't difficult to love/too much or not enough#it hasn't always been easy but if i went back in time? i'd change nothing#i doubt i'll ever be able to fully articulate how i feel in full#but more than anything i wish he was here now so i could actually tell him all these things#and not cry behind my screen as i type this out because i miss him to my core#so yeah happy anniversary in advance to me & happy being alone on yet another one#insert weary sigh here#steph.text
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bro why am i doing data science
#sometimes stats classes are doable and feel ok#AND THEN THERE'S THIS ONE#and the one i took last sem and dropped#i'm like feeling the same abt this one like i wanna drop TT#but bro like#this is a requirement and i wanna graduate in 4 years any real reason not fucking really but#adjsngbldhfgakjdghsadjhl#i have LOST motivation to keep chatgpting the shit out of this hw due in like less than 1.5 hours#the coding part is ok with chat gpt#but there's so fucking much derivation and proof shit like bro#why do i have to keep doing this shit in stats classes#makes me want to scream#im gonna call my mom tonight and we'll see if i manage not to cry woohoo aka 100% chance im gonna start crying lmfao#i need to get back to this hw#like at best i'll get half points on it#bc i've just given up on like the first half#which is derivation shit i dont have time to finish it anyway#but chat gpt doesn't rly help for that bc i can put it in but i have no idea what the fuck it's doing#ughhhghhsjfgllsdriaduhroiwngjfdshgd why did i do stats#nfjdghjlbdjsbfljgabgjhglksajhflkhgiuqerhihfnglkajfdngddjfaksjgd#jeanne talks
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i gotta say coming back made me realize just how less tolerant i am of some of the bullshit that goes on in this fandom lol
#like i love it here but some of y'all (/nbh) are fucking crazy#peace and love tho i just blocked someone and felt no guilt over it we're balling ๐ซถ๐ซถ๐ซถ๐ซถ๐ซถ#tbd maybe#anyway i'll probably log out again sometime tonight and then i'll be back on like monday#DEFINITELY before wednesday next week. maybe
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i am home in my own bed, cleaner than i've been in over a month and also a lil bit tipsy
it's been a whirlwind of a month (for good and for bad) and it's been a super long day and i'm so happy to be home but more than that i'm so happy to have somewhere that feels like home. somewhere that feels permanent, somewhere that i miss when i'm away, somewhere i'm grateful to return to.
#i've had super unstable living situations for the better part of the last 10 years and this is the first place i've lived since then#where i don't constantly have the Awareness that i'll have to uproot again sometime in the near future lurking in the back of my mind#i moved in a year ago and it's the longest i've lived anywhere since i was 16.#and i brought back a bunch more of my stuff that was in storage and now my room finally feels like Mine in a way it hasn't since i was 16#i think because a lot of the things i brought back signify that i'm living somewhere i intend to stay#and ik from years of flatting during uni that it's often luck of the draw and you're doing well to wind up somewhere tolerable so#it's super lovely to have been away for so long and realise that i miss this house and these people and i'm genuinely excited to be back !!#i feel really really lucky to be living where i do and with the people i live with#and i'm just feeling v sentimental tonight it seems :')#kiwi speaks#personal#positive blogging#when was the last time i used those two tags together lol
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๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐
#speculation nation#๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐#animal death ment/#๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐#they found lukemia in his bones. no point to a transfusion. theyre gonna have to put him down.#heading back up. they called when we were almost there. hour in the car and now an hour back.#im not going to my fucking concert#because im going to have to put my fucking cat down tonight#hes not even 2 years old. ive only had him for 9 months. why the fuck is this happening#im just.#im just hoping we can get a refund on that deposit for the blood transfusions haha#bc hes not getting any. bc it wouldnt work. he'd just end up need more bc he cant make his own.#oh my sweet baby boy. my sweet cassy boy. my big dumb baby...#life really fucking sucks sometimes.#negative/#i'll probably shut up about this for tonight. sorry.
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its just so hard to explain at times that im seriously so fucking aroace but at the same time kip could just look at me and make my heart do ten million moonsaults and kill me instantly but i still dont feel attracted to him in a sense that i would either actually pursue him or want to fuck him and i think thats what makes me feel so fucking alone in the wrestling space so often tbh
#not only cause its him but also cause i see this so much around me (and i get this this is a sport filled with attractive people i totally#get it) but just in general im just. so lonely at times. and i know wrestling also attracts a lot of aces i know the best of you personally#but i still feel like. im not normal thinking this way. yes i feel aesthetic attraction. im also attracted to the mental side of this sport#and its competitors tho. good person and personality (and character + character work) is insanely attractive to me#but i still dont wanna fuck em like. i dont know how to explain anything. they dont make me feel like that#even if i do flip my shit sometimes. im sure some people never forget lol but.. yeah. yeah thats all thats in me#i dont know where i was going with this. just feeling extremely non-feeling and not belonging in this club tonight#im gonna go play something i'll be back in a few hours for eurovision. youve been warned#night is an absolute mess on main#aaa
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