#I'll admit I am posting this here too just so I have it somewhere where I can edit it

[sonyshock]

You heard of lesbian and gay solidarity... Now get ready for lesbian and gay coalition.

[turtle--soup]

Okay.

I have not seen ROTTMNT yet, but I've picked up some stuff from just floating around the fandom. Something I've learned, which is discussed in this post here, is that Rise Leo is generally considered - and considers himself the 'Face Man' of the team. (GIFs below are swiped from the linked post by @risestarkiss - I couldn't find them in tumblr's gif search function...)

Anyway. This is interesting to me because I am, for my sins, also a fan of The A-Team.

(I promise this is going somewhere! If you want to find out where I'm going with this, I'll put the rest of the post under a cut because it got a little long...)

For those of you unfamiliar with The A-Team, it's a (very silly) 80s TV series about a group of Vietnam War veterans who are on the run from the government after being convicted of a crime they didn't commit. The four of them spend their lives in hiding, making a living by using their combat skills to help people in need.

Here they are:

Left: Colonel John 'Hannibal' Smith, leader of the team, brains of the outfit and most likely to have become an evil mastermind in an alternate timeline.

Right: Sergeant B.A. Baracus. Nicknamed 'Bad Attitude' due to his lack of patience for bullshit, B.A. is the resident tough guy but also an absolute teddy bear of a man, and is always ready to help people, especially children and the elderly.

Left: Captain H.M. 'Howling Mad' Murdock is the team's pilot and can fly just about anything. As his nickname suggests, he's considered a bit eccentric and is a silly kind of guy. (He's also a permanent resident of a psychiatric hospital but let's not get into that right now.)

Right: Lieutenant Templeton Peck. His role in the team is to provide them with whatever they need, whether that be vehicles, weapons, tools or access to places. He usually achieves this using his charm and wit, gaining him the nickname 'Face Man.'

Okay, so bearing these descriptions in mind, look at Leo's dialogue in this GIF:

I'm assuming that Donnie is the brainy guy, Raph is the smashy guy, and Mikey is the 'eats peanut butter with his fingers guy'. And Leo is the Face Man. That's his role.

But these descriptions fit the members of The A-Team too. Hannibal is the brainy guy, B.A. is the smashy guy, Murdock is the guy who absolutely eats peanut butter with his fingers (while maintaining unbroken eye contact throughout). And then there's Face.

How is this in any way relevant?

Well.

It just so happens that someone else is a fan of The A-Team...

Of course the Mirage turtles watched The A-Team! It was a popular show in the mid-80s, and you have to admit - they do have a lot in common, being four guys fighting injustice from the shadows and all... The A-Team even have a friend on the outside who helps them out - Amy Allen.

She's a reporter. Like someone else we know...

But which of the Mirage turtles in the image above is suggesting they should watch The A-Team?

According to this bio card from 1990 that coincides with the 1987 series...

... it might be Leo!

Was this intentional on the part of the Rise writers? I don't know!

Is it relevant? Probably not!

Does this tentative link between these two silly 80s series make me ridiculously happy? Yes!

Was this entire post just leading up to this? Yeah... sorry...

I like to think that the link is intentional. I've heard that Rise makes reference to other iterations of TMNT, as they all do. I would just personally love it if someone on the team wanted to draw parallels between these two series on purpose!

Anyway.

I just noticed that and really needed to get it off my chest! Thank you to everyone who stuck with this longer-than-intended post right to the end! 💙💜❤🧡

[aurorangen]

Bryce has always been fond of Jay, so it was only inevitable that Leif would be asked about him. Over the phone, hiding the fact of their estranged relationship was easier, but in person Leif felt so exposed.

Transcript & Context:

Bryce: Louis is in blue and Harvey green, without these colours you can't tell them apart! [Leif looks at the photos while listening to Bryce talk about his life] Bryce: Well anyway, that's enough blabbering from me. How's your Jay doing? With the music and everything?

[In all honesty, Leif doesn't know, though it left him wondering if Bryce knew about their estranged relationship. He knows that Renee and Jay are close, but how much did they share? He managed a melancholic smile] Leif: Eh, same old. He's doing just fine without me, what about Renee?

Bryce: Doing amazing! She's going back to work next month. Man, I had doubts about her being a detective, you know how dangerous it can be. Have I told you this before? A year of studying history then changed to criminology and I said are you sure sweetie? But she was adamant about it. Billy being there makes me more at ease-

Bryce: …That's her dream job, can't get in the way, can I? And look where she is now! [Leif felt punched in the gut. He bought the record label for Jay's dream and that was it. No contact at all] Leif: Hey are you free this weekend? Let's go out to eat somewhere.

Bryce: OoOohhh Leif Pollock, are you asking me out for dinner? Leif: …[chuckles] You're the same as always Bryce. Bryce: I'll take that as a compliment mate. Text us the details and I'll let Leilani know too!

Writer's note: Leif doesn't want to admit to Bryce that he has been a bad father to Jay. The last time he heard about him was with Miracle then went on to buy the record label (1/2/3). Leif didn't bother to make contact, nor did Jay, so that's why he knows nothing about how he is doing in the time that has passed. Also if you know me, I pay too much attention to detail in my posts and am very picky with my ages and timeline lmao. All the events from here to now, happen in 3 years which in my head are the red squares in @/duusheen posts (saying this because you are getting a glimpse into Leif's perspective with Bryce being here and them being good friends and Leif should be old but we keep quiet about that shh) and time jumps between my posts vary from hours to months or happen simultaneously!

The only unrealistic thing with timing are the cases, which I want to span over the generation. This is a whole lot of unnecessary rambling, but yeah, my thought process 🤓

[waitmyturtles]

Hey,

I'm not 100% sure how this works. Also this is more of an opinion than a question. I just feel the need to brain dump. You are under no obligation to reply. 😁

I fear that First and Khaotung are being wasted at/by GMMTV. They're both stellar actors and seem to have the sensibilities to tackle more serious material.

I feel like coming off Not Me, the themes in The Eclipse kinda went over my head. My fear was and still is that I didn't understand all the nuances. And that's why I felt like the show was lacking. Also I think the very first preview set it up as an entirely different show (more supernaturalmystery/thriller) in my head, so there was a disconnect there as well.

Their next project was Moonlight Chicken where both of them shined as actors but negligibly as a BL pairing. Having said that, they seem to be on very solid ground in the BL fandom - I am referring to their fan meets.

Only Friends was a masterclass of acting as far as FirstKhaotung were concerned (i was all about Ray and Sand), but I think the overall reputation as show that fell flat on its face overshadowed or at least took away (for me) from the gravity of FK.

And now we're here. With The Heart Killers and I am very wary of how Ota all going down. I see that the final trailer got over million views and I'm happy for them, but based on I think the absolute travesty that was OF, my expectations for this show are on the ground.

I really want more of an insight into how projects are picked up and distributed inside GMMTV (if you ha e any, I'm dying to know). I feel like they would benefit greatly from being on a show like PS I Hate You or something like Peaceful Property.

It feels like they're backsliding in terms of material given. Which I am sure is a) not their fault and b) me possibly being weird and dramatic in the wee hours of the morning. But I wanted to get it off my chest and I was reading your previous reviews when I felt, and then gave into the impulse to write to you.

Also I'm a MaxTul girly too and somehow, you made me want to give Make it Right another chance.

Have a great week ahead and keep up the absolutely exceptional work! ❤️

NIHILISTIC! It's great to hear from you! And thank you for the compliments!

TW for girlies out there who are not Nihilistic: this post will contain criticisms of The Heart Killers trailer. Read at your peril, delicate hearts!

I'll go backwards to save the biggest stuff for last. If you write anything about Make It Right, please tag me! @bengiyo and I always give a little DJ air horn to each other when we've nabbed another one into the broader cultural reconsideration of this AMAZING show. MaxTul, man. Nobody beats them! (Okay, almost, Tul admits he wasn't the strongest actor, but. We'll let it slide, dahling!) Chemistry, humor, pride representation, everything, they're great. I yelped when I saw them in Triage!

Okay, so you are a FirstKhao girlie, and you're worried about what The Heart Killers bodes. (Out of transparency, I have The Heart Killers tag filtered because of Only Friends PTSD. I'm gonna filter my own post!) For you, Nihilistic, I just watched the trailer for it.

I will get to all your questions about the GMMTV model in a moment.

Now, out of even MORE transparency, I am watching the MESS that is Kidnap right now, and listen, it's NOT GOOD. I'm fucking not even writing about it anymore, I'm just reblogging the sessy gifs. I am watching it to support Ohm Pawat, and am hoping that this partnership with Leng Thanaphon will hopefully lead to better scripts.... somewhere. (Or at least, better scripts for Ohm at a place like One31 or Channel 3. I also hope Ohm keeps up his anti-branded pair stance, but if GMMTV forces him to pair permanently with Leng, it won't be a fucking surprise, and more on that below.)

To focus specifically on THK for a sec: the THK trailer evoked a lot of what's gone utterly wrong in Kidnap for me. I think writing Thai BL/Series Y scripts to be different, fresh, and innovative, is just going to be really fucking hard, especially for stories featuring branded pairs that MUST end up together in the end. Because we, the viewers, KNOW that they MUST end up together in the end, what kind of mystery and conflict can a script convincingly evoke to keep us, the viewers, engaged and interested in the drama?

A few of us Ohm girlies were excited that Kidnap could have had non-romantic plot points (CRIME!!!) to drive concurrently with a romance plot. There are Series Y that have done this BEAUTIFULLY, particularly Sammon's stories of Manner of Death and Triage.

I'm sorry to say that I didn't get that from the THK trailer, and that THK smells a lot like Kidnap to me. The trailer itself is giving an indication that the "jobs" these guys have as double agents are going to be compromised due to them falling in love. And after the debacle that was Jojo Tichakorn's Only Friends -- a show premised on the exploration of mean, icky, really horny humans, a great place to start an interesting show! -- knowing that THK will HAVE to end up in a romantic place, with FK and JoongDunk being in memorable and memeable entwinements... that's a lot to ask of a show that already isn't making sense by drive, emotion, and tone in its trailer alone. What matters more to these characters? Their work, or their need to be in monogamous relationships? Seems like the latter to me by way of the trailer, which makes me wonder what the point of the plot is. (Joong's chest, probably.) (Gahddayum.)

(I haven't watched the latest episode of Jack & Joker, btw, but I understand that THIS WEEK's episode is ALSO going through something similar, with dead-end and uncommitted plot points all to get to a kiss. Oy.)

To summarize these points and to touch at your question about how GMMTV chooses scripts: GMMTV has an economic model to sell in giving happy endings to their branded pairs, which I wrote about at length in my Old GMMTV Challenge rewatch of The Eclipse. No matter where a script goes, the ending must be memorable and monogamous to satisfy the retweeting hunger of the branded pairs' fandoms, in order for GMMTV's artists to increase online engagement and to maintain earned media values to sell products.

The wonderful @flowerbeasblog noted to me recently that Tha Sataporn, the CEO of GMMTV, said in an interview that as the productions of Series Y in Thailand continues to increase, there is a greater need for more scriptwriting talent across this niche genre, creating competition for more excellent writing. (By comparison, in the States, when streaming services like Netflix and Hulu starting commissioning more original series just about a decade ago, the demand for scriptwriters and excellent writing also went up by incredible scale -- only to come crashing down recently with pandemic and strike-related losses in revenue.) GMMTV's recently announced script competition, Y Find, updated itself last week with a notice that the company would need more time to sift through scripts to judge. In other words: the demand for creative plots is so high at this company that they are literally fielding entries from the general public.

At the same time, Tha Sataporn has been blunt in indicating that "good shows" are not the priority of his GMMTV, and that talent, management, and engagement are his indicators of success. So, economically -- as long as a show hits that happy ending, and gets the girlies excited online with commentary and purchasing power, then the studio has won, in GMMTV's eyes.

ULTIMATELY, Nihilistic: what we are dealing with regarding your concern, as fans and/or critics of Series Y shows, is a conflict of values, among critical fans like ourselves, other fans who only watch shows for romance and shipping, and the economic bottom lines of the studios/agencies themselves. Some of us just want narratively good scripts, like Bad Buddy or He's Coming To Me. Others are content with having a show end with their fave pairs confirmed together in the end, no matter the process of how they got there. Those are different values we hold in watching shows. I appreciate that while you're a fan of the FK branded pair, that you want stronger scripts for them. I do, too, but that's not a value that every fan -- and GMMTV itself -- holds. And I believe that's why we've been seeing more and more mediocre scripts from that studio in particular.

I actually want to note maybe something positive about FirstKhao. Other than The Eclipse, it seems like they haven't been locked into high school or university settings. Only Friends, Moonlight Chicken -- these are shows that show First's and Khao's characters as young adults, and THK is going there, too. I hope they can avoid the university settings as they continue to work.

Is stellar acting wasted at GMMTV? Oh, yes. Besides First and Khao, who I truly think are good actors, we have Gun Atthaphan, Nanon Korapat, and Ohm Pawat -- these three guys are on my list of the best Thai actors out there who have done BL, and they haven't had great scripts in years. (Gun, arguably, has had the best pickings of decent shows recently in Cooking Crush and The Trainee, but they weren't high art; and Nanon's Dirty Laundry was the last Jojo script I was truly impressed by.) All three of these guys were in MOVIES at one point. Those ambitions, on behalf of these actors by GMMTV, seem to have gone by the wayside in preference for a huge economic push to boost branded pair-based series insteads, with their plot holes and guaranteed romances.

I hope the genre's tide turns for the sake of quality scripts, especially at GMMTV, but my hopes are low for this agency at the moment. My joy in Thai shows recently has been in watching past shows for my OGMMTVC. I've been on a lakorn kick lately, having watched The Miracle of Teddy Bear and I'm looking forward to watching Khun Chai soon. Other agencies and studios, like One31 and Channel 3, are breathing down GMMTV's neck and producing more interesting shows, sometimes with branded pairs and sometimes not. Triage only came out two years ago, and that show's trilogy (along with Manner of Death) will end with this year's airing of Spare Me Your Mercy, starring the very likely one-time pair of Tor Thanabob and JJ (Jaylerr) Krissanapoom, two gigantic artists in Thailand who are circling BACK towards the much smaller genre of Series Y for SMYM's sake. I have VERY high hopes and expectations for that show -- and that show is well out of the purview of GMMTV.

I think what you're smelling about the THK trailer is right, Nihilistic -- to me, the trailer isn't cohesive, and jumps already to its forgone conclusion of a romantic end. Unfortunately, for those of us familiar with Jojo Tichakorn's work, we know that if he was given more leeway, he'd likely come up with something more interesting. But now that he has to work with branded pairs -- who are shipped in the eyes of their fan beholders -- he's got a lot less room to be creative and interesting, which ultimately stifles the otherwise excellent acting we'd see from these young men.

[nintendonut1]

I absolutely despise making posts like these, I just turned 35 years old and have little room in my life for online drama, but this has gotten to the point where folks' actual safety has become a legit concern of mine, so I don't think I can let this go without saying something.

At this point, for everyone in the SMRPG sub-fandom, or any other fandoms, honestly, it's probably a safe bet to block Yoylecake420 wherever you see them.

I don't have time for details or screenshots, I'll just summarize my personal experience with them.

At first, I got plenty of asks from them about their hyperfixations here on tumblr. I'm busy as hell, so most of them got lost in my inbox, and the ones I saw I had little time to entertain with an answer.

Then, they joined my Discord about a month ago, where they were active in sharing their art and stuff. Then me and the mods caught wind of them sending unsolicited DMs and friend requests to various members of the server, often with uncomfortable topics. We gave them a fair warning to stop. They did not.

This repeated behavior ended in a ban from the server. During this, they were also repeatedly making a mockery of my webcomic's OCs by making uncomfortable art/captions and submitting the characters to Kiss-Marry-Kill-style blogs despite me asking them not to, so I blocked them on Discord, Tumblr, deviantArt, and Art Fight. I know this is small potatoes compared to harassing people, but it's important context for the following.

A day after the ban from my server, they joined up the Spiderforest server, knowing I'm a part of that webcomic community. I was even warned by the mods, who were aware of Yoyle's behavior as they had already been messaging the SF tumblr about my comic.

A week later, they joined ComicFury, and replied to me on the forum, complimenting my work. Like nothing had ever happened. Like I didn't have them blocked everywhere else. Like they hadn't fully disrespected me, my work, and my community.

I directly messaged them telling them to leave me alone. Their response was a slight apology, but also admitting to being obsessed with my work, having a hard time moving on, and, ultimately, wanting the attention.

So. There it is. It pains me, knowing this is giving them the attention they want, but I'm too fucking old for games like that and the need for me to look out for everyone's safety is more important.

Yoyle is a person who does not care about others' personal boundaries. If you ignore them, they persist. If you tell them to stop, they do for a day or two, and then persist again. And if you block them, they'll evade it and stalk you to somewhere else on the internet.

Of course, it's not my place to tell anyone how to interact with others, but I am suggesting a pre-emptive block if you make, at the very least, Geno fanart, and aren't interested in being harassed across multiple platforms and having your boundaries stomped on. I do not suggest interacting with them, as they are the embodiment of "give them an inch and they'll take a mile."

I've got one screenshot here from a friend of all their alt accounts (this is publicly available on their main tumblr) for any pre-emptive blocking on those sites:

[rollingsins]

all hers, part xxi

part i | part ii | part iii | part iv | part v | part vi | part vii | part viii | part ix | part x | part xi | part xii | part xiii | part xiv | part xv | part xvi | part xvii | part xviii | part xix | part xx | part xxi | part xxii | part xxiii | part xxiv | part xxv | part xxvi | epilogue

summary: Richie's gone. Sam and Tara rush to the police station, and R gets a visit from someone she hoped to never see again.

warnings: (+18), Tara is Ghostface, mention of murder. Mention of sex, violence.

word count: 3.5k

a/n: it's here! GF final reveal. as mentioned previously, I'm going to try keep the blog spoiler free for the next 48 hours, so won't be posting spoilery asks, but please still feel free to send them through! I'll post them a little later :))))) hope you all enjoy, and I hope your theory was correct!

Nobody says anything for a good twenty seconds.

The Sheriff’s face is stony. Serious. 

You feel as if your heart has just dropped down into your stomach. 

Tara’s hand grips tight on your hip. 

Sam blinks, mouth open like a fish out of water. 

And then it’s her who breaks the silence. 

“He’s gone?” 

She blinks once more. Her words turn into a splutter. 

“But he’s dead.” 

The Sheriff swallows. You almost feel bad for her, the way she wrings her hat in her hands like she’s standing in front of a courthouse of jurors. 

“He was admitted to the morgue,” She explains, voice soft, “There was a fifteen minute window where the Coroner was off shift. We think it happened then.” 

“You think what happened?” You ask, heartbeat hammering loudly in your ears, “You think he got up and walked out?” 

“No,” Says the Sheriff, a little impatient, “He was dead. He’s definitely dead-” 

“And you lost him?” Tara asks, her voice rising, “You lost a dead guy?”

The Sheriff looks at Sam. 

“Perhaps we should do this somewhere more private?” 

“Absolutely not,” Sneers Tara, “You don’t exactly have a track record of asking the right questions, Sheriff.” 

Except she does. And you know it. You touch Tara’s arm, try to quiet her. 

Let’s not piss off the person who can haul you right back to jail, the look in your eyes says. 

But Sam crosses her arms. 

“Tara stays. She’s right, Sheriff. First you try to pin six murders on her, then you lose the actual culprit. The dead culprit.”  

The Sheriff purses her lips. 

“I’m not here to argue,” She says, directing a pointed look at your girlfriend, “But I am here to find out what happened. Whoever Richie was working with likely took his body. Why? I don’t know. But I need answers. And fast.” 

Sam furrows her brow. 

“I don’t know who he was working with,” She says, “I didn’t even know what he was doing in his spare time. Hell, I had no idea who he truly was.”

She sounds a little agonized. Like it’s her fault her boyfriend almost had her sister killed. 

“But you knew him.” Says the Sheriff, “You knew his patterns, his friends, his routine. If we can pin down some names, we might be able to find the culprit.” 

She stands a little taller. 

“And I’d like you to come down to the station and help me figure it out. Please.”  

Sam looks at Tara, a little torn.

“I need to be here with my sister.” She says. 

“Your sister will be fine,” Says the Sheriff, “I can arrange for a squad car. Two, if you need it. She’ll be safe, Sam. They won’t let anything happen to her.” 

“Fuck that,” Says Tara, “We’re coming. Down to the station. Sam, I’m not letting you talk to them alone.”

There’s fire in her voice. Fire that usually only sparks when it comes to you. You blink, a little surprised. Sam seems to be surprised by it too, going off the look on her face. 

“That really isn’t necessary.” Cuts in the Sheriff, hurriedly, “Tara, it’s really better if I talk to Sam alone-”

“You’re not talking to Sam without me,” Growls Tara. 

The Sheriff blinks, her shoulders drawn tight like she’s gearing for a fight. And then she slumps them. 

“Alright,” She says, voice even, “What matters is finding Richie and his partner. Tara can be with you.” 

Sam swallows. She nods, only slightly. 

“I’ll get my jacket.” 

-

You’re halfway into climbing into the Sheriff’s squad car when a familiar Ford Focus pulls into the driveway. 

It’s your Mom’s car. You spot her behind the wheel, looking a little forlorn as she hurries to step out. 

And then you see your Dad. Face pinched. Annoyed. Like this is the last place he wants to be. 

“One second,” You tell the Sheriff, and before she can protest, you’re climbing out of the backseat and stepping out onto the drive. 

“YN,” Says your Mom, a little out of breath as she approaches. 

Your Dad hovers by the car, scowl on his face as he surveys Tara in the backseat of the squad car. Your Mom’s eyes widen. 

“She’s not been arrested again?” 

“No, Mom,” You huff, “The Sheriff just needs Sam’s help on something, that’s all.” 

“Oh,” Says your Mom. Then her voice softens, “Darling, please. Come home with us. We all need to talk.” 

“I don’t think so, Mom.” You begin, “Not when Dad’s acting- crazy, like this.” 

You look over at him. He hasn’t taken his eyes off Tara. Glaring, eyes frosted over. Like he hates her more than anyone else in the world. 

“Dad has agreed to listen,” Your Mom begs, “Please, sweetheart. He knows he overreacted about the- sex,” Her voice drops, like she’s just said something scandalous, “But the other things - the arrest. The manslaughter?”

“Self-defense,” You say immediately. 

Your Mom swallows. 

“The self-defense. We need to talk about it. You’re still our daughter. Our only daughter. And we’re worried about you.” 

You shoot a look over to the squad car. 

The Sheriff is watching, her eyes pinched. Sam’s watching your Dad, but Tara is looking at you. 

“Babe?” She says from the car, voice soft, “What is it?” 

It isn’t the worst idea in the world. They’re still your parents, after all. You don’t want this - your Dad angry at you. Angry at Tara. You don’t want to ruin your relationship with them if it can be salvaged. 

Your Mom blinks, desperation in her eyes. You soften, pursing your lips. 

“I’m going to go with my parents,” You tell Tara, “My Mom is right. We should talk.” 

Tara sits up. She pries off her seatbelt immediately. 

“I’ll come.” Tara says, climbing out of the car. 

“No.” Your Dad growls from the car. You ignore him. Rub your hands over Tara’s forearms. 

“Babe, it’s fine. You need to go with Sam,” You remind her. You lower your voice, “You need to be in there, make sure she’s okay. Like you said." 

Tara looks at you, conflicted.

“But, babe-” 

“I’ll be fine,” You assure, “I’ll be with my parents. You and Sam can come and pick me up from the house when you’re done.”

“But Ghostface-”

“Isn’t going to attack me in broad daylight,” You say, “Besides. My Dad’s arsenal is almost as big as Sam’s. Remember?” 

Tara looks at your Dad, a little doubtful. 

“She’ll be fine, Tara, I’ll send in a squad car.” Says The Sheriff, looking over the rim of her sunglasses at you, “But if you want to go, I don’t mind talking to Sam alone-” 

Her tone of voice suggests she very much wants Tara to stay with you. Tara picks it up the same moment you do. Her eyes narrow. Sam's an easy target - Richie's girlfriend, perhaps she could even be sold as his partner in crime.

“You’re not talking to Sam without me,” She says, voice a growl. She shimmies out of the backseat and presses a kiss to your lips, “Keep your phone on,” She says, “Text me every five minutes, okay?” 

You nod. 

“Okay, babe.” You assure, offering her a small smile. 

She kisses you once more. 

“And be careful.” 

-

The drive back to your parents house is in silence. 

You sit in the back seat, twiddling your thumbs. Your Mom drives, your Dad stewing in silence. 

When you arrive at the house, it isn’t much better. 

“I’ll make tea,” Says your Mom, hurrying off to the kitchen as you and your Dad settle down on the sofa. His lip twitches, like he has something he wants to say, but you get in first. 

“You owe Tara an apology,” You say, eyes narrowed, “She has a bruise on her arm the size of Iowa-” 

“She’s lucky that’s all she got,” Says your Dad. 

You stare at him for a moment. Then stand. 

“I’m not talking to you if you’re going to be like this,” You say, voice hot. 

Your Dad hesitates. Then puts his arm out to draw you back down. 

“I’m sorry,” He says, and although it’s through gritted teeth, he does sound like he means it, “I shouldn’t have grabbed her. I’ll apologize to her.” 

You blink. 

“Thank you.” 

Your Mom reemerges, cups of hot tea in hand. 

“Darling,” She says, “Please. Sit down.” 

You settle back into your seat, phone buzzing in your hand. It’s Tara. 

In Sheriff’s office with Sam, waiting for her to come back, it reads. 

Then. It buzzes again. 

You ok baby? 

Fine, you message back, Dad said he’s sorry for grabbing u. 

I’ll believe it when I hear it, Tara sends back. 

Your Mom clears her throat. 

“YN,” She says, “Can you put the phone down please? We need to talk.” 

And talk you do. 

Your Dad stays quiet while your Mom outlines her concerns. The plan, the manslaughter. Tara’s arrest. Her concerns are valid. 

Yes, Tara had been arrested for murder. Murders that she had committed. 

Yes, you’d set up a foolhardy plan with Tara’s friends to capture Ghostface. 

And yes, you’d gone into that school knowing you were about to take someone’s life. And done exactly that. 

You watch as your Mother tries to understand. And know there’s nothing you can say to quell her fears. 

“I think we need to get you into therapy.” Says your Mom, chewing her lip, “We should have done it earlier. I’m sorry we didn’t do it earlier.” 

You blink. 

“I don’t want to talk to a shrink,” You argue. 

You don’t want to talk to anyone about this. Talking led to answers, answers that you very much need to keep buried. For your sake, just as much as Tara’s. 

“Please, honey,” Begs your Mom, “You haven’t been coping, that much is obvious.”

“I’m fine,” You say, leaning forward, “As fine as I can be. I know you’re upset about the plan, but Mom- it was the only way. I mean, look what he was doing to us. Dad carries around a shotgun like it’s his wallet, Tara was going out of her mind, and poor Sam is one more attack away from a nervous breakdown-” 

“Exactly why you should talk to someone,” Says your Dad, quietly, “This isn’t normal, YN. Normal eighteen year olds are worried about which colleges they’re going to get into. Not about if they’re going to be attacked in their homes in the middle of the night.” 

He pauses. 

“And it wouldn’t hurt Tara to go, either.” 

Annoyance flares up in your chest. 

“Can you stop going after Tara?” You say, suddenly on edge, “She’s done nothing to you, Dad. All she’s done is protect me, and you’re acting like she’s been abusing me or something-” 

“There’s something not right about her,” Your Dad says. His brows furrow, like there’s something he just can’t quite work out, “YN, she treats you like you belong to her.” 

“I do belong to her,” You say immediately, and then regret it almost instantly. Your Dad’s face contorts in anger. Hurriedly, you walk it back, “I mean, she belongs to me too. I’m her girlfriend. And she’s mine.” 

“Honey.” Your Mom is looking at your Dad, a serious look in her eye. Like she’s trying to warn him off saying the wrong thing. 

You watch his fists ball. 

“Nobody belongs to anyone,” Your Dad says, “You’re not a piece of property. See, this is exactly what I mean. Any shrink worth his weight will tell you the same.” 

“I’m not talking to a shrink,” You say, voice raising, “You can’t make me.” 

Your Dad stands. His voice is like thunder. 

“You’re my child and you’ll do what I say,” He says, familiar vein popping out of his forehead.  

You sink back into your seat, crossing your arms, “I thought I didn’t belong to anyone?” You say, voice flat. 

Your Dad takes a deep breath. The way he usually does before he’s about to launch into a tirade. 

His hand raises, and he points a finger at you. 

And then his face freezes. 

It’s unmistakable. A loud shattering, like a glass has been dropped. Your Mom’s face falls. You blink, head turning to see where it had come from. 

“What was that?” Your Dad says, turning from you, suddenly on guard. 

It had sounded from the kitchen. Butterflies soar within your stomach, but not the good kind. The kind that feel like you’re being eaten from the inside out. 

The back of your neck prickles. And then your heart almost leaps out of your chest as you feel your phone buzzing in your hands. 

It’s Tara. Her pretty smile flashes across the screen. You gulp, silencing your phone with a click of your button. 

“The gun,” Hisses your Mom, “Get the gun.” 

Your Dad fumbles around behind the sofa. He pulls out his shotgun, posies it against his chest. 

“Who’s there?” He calls out, but his voice shakes, “I’m armed. I have a weapon.”

Silence. 

Your Mom grabs you by the arm, pulls you back against the wall. 

“Stay here,” Your Dad says, cocking the shotgun. 

“Dad, don’t-” You hiss, as you grab your phone. It’s buzzing again, Tara’s name flashing across the screen, “I’m going to call the police.” 

But he doesn’t listen. 

He draws closer to the kitchen, step by step. Your Mom’s eyes are wide, fearful, as she clings onto your arm for dear life. 

You press your phone to your ear, answer Tara’s call. 

“Babe-” She says, voice urgent, “Stay where you are, I know who Ghostface is.” 

But you barely hear her. Your heartbeat is thundering in your ears, fire flooding through your veins. 

“He’s in the house,” You say, breath caught in the back of your throat, “Tara, he’s here-” 

The crunch of your Dad’s boots against the kitchen tile. You watch as he disappears out of sight. Tears spill wet down your cheeks. Your Mom’s grip on your hand is so hard you feel as if she might pull it clean off. 

“Baby, I’m coming,” Tara says. She’s out of breath, like she’s running, “Sam- drive.”

“Call the police, Tara, please,” You whisper, voice a beg, “Call the police right now.” 

“Stay on the line, babe,” Tara says. You hear the click of the car door, and Sam’s voice. Urgent. Desperate, “We’re coming right now. We figured it out - Ghostface is-” 

But you don’t hear what she says. 

Your Dad disappears into the kitchen for less than a second. Another loud crash sounds, then your Dad cries out. 

The shotgun blasts. 

Your Mom screams. 

Your ears ring as you drop your phone to the floor, the screen smashing instantly. 

“Dad?” You call out, hands shaking as you move your Mom behind you, “Dad, say something. Are you okay?” 

But he doesn’t say a thing. 

Blood pounds through your body. Your mother starts to cry. Adrenaline floods through you. 

And suddenly you know exactly what you need to do. 

“Run.” You tell your Mom. 

Your legs feel like jelly as you sprint through the living room, your Mom close behind. You make it to the foyer, looking behind you wildly in an attempt to see if anyone’s behind you. You press your hand against the handle and attempt to draw it open. 

But it stays firm, locked. 

“It’s the alarm system,” Says your Mother, face thick with tears, “The house is on lockdown, Daddy set it up to go through our phones.” 

“So get your phone out.” You hiss. 

She fumbles around in her pockets and draws out her phone. You watch the hallway. It’s quiet. Eerie. No sign of your Dad, and no sign of anyone else. You eye the living room window, thinking. 

“It won’t unlock,” Your mother says, voice frantic. 

You seize the phone from her hands, fiddle around in the app. UNLOCK is near the center, a bright green button. You press it once. Then twice, but nothing happens. 

As if it’s been overridden. 

“Window,” You mumble, “Mom, get to the window. I’ll break it.” 

It happens in a flash. 

One moment you’re dropping her phone to the floor, in an effort to grab her hand and run. 

And the next, you see him. 

Black cloak. Mask pulled over his face. 

Your Dad’s shotgun in his hands. Blood coated over his gloves, gleaming in the daylight. 

“Run!” You scream out. 

Your Mother sprints. Ghostface raises the weapon, lets out a single shot that rings out heavy into the air. It misses, flies off into the wall behind you. 

“Don’t move.” Says Ghostface, voice contorted, “Move and you die.” 

But you don’t listen. The gun isn’t reloaded - you don’t know much about weapons, but you’ve seen your Dad shoot it before. You tear off, ignoring his angry cry out as you follow your Mom into the living room. 

Your Mom grabs a nearby lamp, flings it wildly at the window. It shatters, almost as loudly as the shotgun. Pieces of broken glass litter the carpet, but it's the least of your worries. 

You leap over the couch, take your Mother’s hand and lead her to the window. 

And then, out of the corner of your eye, you see him again. 

He’s loading pellets into the shotgun, and then, with a quiet click, he raises it once more. 

But he doesn’t point it at you. 

“Mom!” You scream. 

Another blast sounds out. You grip either side of your head, ears ringing painfully at the sound. Your mother screams, and then falls to the floor. 

Blood spills thick and fast onto the carpet. 

You drop down, watch in horror as you catch sight of the wound. It’s gory, bloody, half of her leg blasted clean off. She wails, eyes wide in agony, clutching at her leg as if it will fall off if she lets go. 

“Mom.” You sob. You grip her shoulders, in a feeble attempt to drag her to the window. 

You should run. You should leave her and run. 

But you can’t. 

She’s your Mother. 

And it’s just the distraction Ghostface needs. 

Your Mom looks up at you, mouth open in horror as sees him, looming behind you.  

“YN!” She cries out. 

But you don’t turn in time. 

You feel the hard press as the back of the shotgun slams against your head. 

And then everything turns black. 

-

You feel like you’re floating. 

Over the earth, mind dizzy, like you’ve been launched into space without an oxygen mask. 

There are stars behind your eyes. The back of your head aches, unpleasantly. You can feel something wet against the back of your neck, trickling down underneath your shirt. You groan, move your hand to wipe it away. 

And then you realize your hands are bound behind your back. 

Panic surges through you as you remember your last moments of consciousness. 

Your Dad, walking into the kitchen with a shotgun. The bang of the bullet. 

Your Mom, screaming, writhing in pain on the living room floor, shotgun pellet in her leg. 

Ghostface. 

You open your eyes, chest heaving. 

Everything’s fuzzy, blurred. It hurts to look. The room is dark, save for a single ceiling lamp, flickering as if it’s down to its last few minutes of light. You squint, trying to make out your surroundings. 

You’re in a basement, maybe. It’s dirty, dusty. Unused. Somewhere completely unfamiliar. 

A wave of nausea floods through you. 

Your head pounds. The wetness seeping down onto the back of your neck is blood, you realize all at once. 

Your phone is broken, gone. 

And Ghostface stands in front of you, shimmering dagger in his hands. 

You tug at your restraints, hysteria surging through you. 

Ghostface has taken you somewhere. To his house, maybe. To somewhere the police, and Tara won’t be able to find you. There’s no sign of your mother, or your father. 

It’s quiet. 

The only sounds are the desperate fidgeting of your hands and the heavy noise of his breathing. 

But it’s hopeless. 

Your hands are bound too tight. You have no weapon, and you feel light. Dizzy. Like even if you managed to stand you’d pass out instantly. 

It’s the end, you realize all at once. 

He has you. And this is how you’re going to die. 

You swallow, squint a little harder, ignoring the waves of sickness that flood through you. 

And suddenly you only want to know one thing. 

“Who are you?” You mumble, “Please. Tell me what you want.”  

“Who am I?” Ghostface says. He tilts his head, and you can hear the sneer in his voice. He drops his dagger, then curls his fingers around the edge of the mask. 

It pulls off in one clean swipe. 

Gone is the mystery. The unfamiliarity. 

Your heart drops. 

You’ve seen this face before. Not once or twice. 

You’ve seen this face so many times in the last twenty-four hours. You remember never wanting to see it again. 

But she’s here. 

She has you here. 

Blood streaming down your neck, hands bound so tight your fingertips are starting to lose feeling. 

She stands a little taller, drops her robes and tosses the mask to the floor. 

Blonde hair, wide blue eyes. 

The spitting image of him. 

Sheriff’s badge pressed to her chest. 

And suddenly it all falls into place. 

She leans in, until she’s so close you can see the untamed lunacy in her eyes. She looks wild, deranged as she tilts the blade against your cheek. 

There’s nothing in her eyes but pure, unadulterated hatred. 

And then her lips curls as she spits out:  “I’m the mother of the boy you murdered.”

[jedisandspacepirates]

I have things to say about the finale.

Now that I've seen it, now that the emotions are settled down.

Spoilers for 1x08, so under the cut in case somebody's not seen it yet.

So I'm actually pretty happy with the finale. Really happy because it ended with the victorious people being who it always should have been, the kids. Fern, KB, Wim, Neel, working together and their parents too in their way, to save the day.

I absolutely loved the hug at the end, when they all went to find KB and just that exchange of "Did we win?" "Yes!"

We did NOT get a huge expansive backstory for Jod, but neither were we promised that. All Jude hinted at was a bit about his childhood and how or why he's Force-sensitive. Well, Mr. Law, that last part wasn't quite...we just know that Jod is actually able to use the Force, but the how or why hmm. Unless by that he meant that his Jedi master had taught him how to use it, I suppose.

Anyway.

I actually loved the information they chose to give us. The picture of a (presumedly) orphaned Jod (I wonder what happened to his parents...did they abandon him, were they killed?) living in a metaphorical (or maybe he was literal here) hole depending on the next meal and living a damn rough life. Then a Jedi finds him, teaches him a little about the Force, and she MUST have said that thing to him that he says to Wim, the Qui-Gon idea. (Of course that's a Jedi principle, not solely Qui-Gon's words, but where would Jod have picked that up if not from her?) And this is the tragic part, she took him under her wing and taught him their ways, but then he was forced to watch when they killed her.

That scarred him and definitely damaged him in a real deep way. I am not excusing his behavior departing from 1x05 and his descent there. That's not okay and I'm still mad at him for all that, but the past they've given him tracks with that, I suppose, and it makes sense that Jod would develop such a dark outlook on life from his experiences. Seeing the galaxy as a dark rotten place with only a few pinpricks of light etc...

And, here, look it comes. I, who have argued for Jod's redemption until blue in the face, am content with the way they ended it because I admit, if they had made him do another heel turn or come to some sort of decision as I thought he might have, I don't think it would have been done so well. It wouldn't have been convincing or felt very real to me. That sort of thing needs time. But what I absolutely adore almost above everything else is--and I don't know if it was purely just the writing or Jude's own decisions with acting, his expressions, etc--the nuances of his actions in that last episode.

I saw a post somewhere saying that Jod had "messed up" by not killing the kids because if it were Anakin, he'd have had At Attin under his boot in ten seconds or something like that. That just caught my eye, and it's worthy to note that Jod didn't harm them. He could have, but he didn't. Yeah, he was trying to pass himself off as the emissary and all that stuff, whatever. But when it was just Fern and her mom with him? He could have killed them.

This interview sheds a whole lot of light on stuff like this, and I'll have you know, the showrunners--the creators of this blessedly amazing series--the creators, people, were saying "those small gestures, his tiny bit of hesitation when he fires", referring to the moment he shot at Fern. The interview perceived that he had intentionally missed Fern, and that's when the creators comment on it. Seriously, he's him. He could have hit her squarely, but I really don't think he intended to. If anything, I believe he did mean to miss or shoot just shy of her.

Also, again, the creators saying he's in "a morally gray" area, "tortured by his behaviour". Whether that means conflicted because he has 'greed treasure I will be rich forever and happy' on one hand and 'i care even a little bit about these kids and don't actually want to hurt them' on the other and those are two forces warring in his soul, I don't know. But there is conflict there, and in any villain I've known in TV shows, movies, books...if there is conflict of evil and good in them, they aren't 100%, completely and irredeemably gone.

Just all of this complexity put into Jod and pulled off by Jude Law was completely and utterly amazing, and that is something I really enjoyed about the finale.

I'm saying it's not the end of road for Jod, and that's what's fantastic about fanfiction.

[taeaura]

TW: Strong language, gore, self-depredation, TCM-related topics

This is so cringe I'm sorry

I don't remember the last time I felt competent; Worthy of anything really. Kill or be killed; Work 'till you drop, son. That's what uncle Charlie Hoyt told me. Not much I can do anymore. The meat plant closed almost four years ago and yet I still yearn for it. How I felt when I finally had a place to feel 'normal.' I felt like a freak, sure, but at least I had a purpose. Momma was happy, I was bringing in money, food; Something beneficial to the family name. Now, all I have is the basement. It's the only place that feels like my own. Everything else is either taken from me or shared with the family. I don't understand; Other families get to live peaceful lives. I don't know, what did we do? Why aren't I good enough? Momma tells me I'm good enough but I could never forget the horror painted on her face when she saw the wounds on my face years back. She was so worried, so angry with me that I would ever make her worry like that. When she first saw the masks; She always fostered my creativity but all that support decayed the moment she saw that mask. I remember his blood staining my face; It felt good. I wish it didn't, but it did. The way my sweat mixed with his blood felt like I became someone new. He was handsome, from somewhere with a purpose. Uncle Hoyt said he was reenlisting in Vietnam before he came here. I never knew too much about those things but I remember how I felt when Uncle Charlie left me. He never did come back. There was something different about him; That became especially clear that night when he killed the Sheriff. The day I got fired; The day that whore insulted my family. Maybe he was right. Maybe I am an animal. Momma tries to reassure me I'm not, but what if I am? What if that's all I'm meant to be. A dumb animal scurrying around with his dumb chainsaw-toy for food. Playing with his dolls and playing 'make-believe' just to feel special. I'm a failure, that I know for certain. But I know that if I leave; If I die then Momma and them will die too. I could never let that happen; Not when they're all I have. I need to fix things. I'll keep Momma happy, I swear I will. I'll make my uncles proud of me. I have to. I-

"Thomas! Thomas Brown Hewitt, you get up here right now!"

I hate to admit it, but I don't really like the dinners we have. I've gotten used to them; bland and unfulfilling, but it's all we have. Tonight was no different. Into the dining room where the remaining family members were seated, the "Sheriff", God I wish Uncle Charlie came back, was standing behind 'his' chair at the head of the table, leaning on his arms for support as they held the chair crest. Uncle Monty remained in his wheelchair, looking down at the table with his tired and unimpressed expression, opposite of Hoyt's deadpanned countenance. I know they're unimpressed with my disheveled appearance; I know I should be better.

"Sit down, son. Momma and I got a few things we have to discuss with you." Hoyt's voice spewed with condescending hues.

"You've done nothing wrong, hun, The Lord's just..challenging a bit extra us this month." Said Momma.

__________

Okay yay! You made it to the end again. I wrote this through Thomas' perspective as well as minor aspects of third-person. I was listening to 'Family Tree' and 'Hard Times' {Ethel Cain reference?} again and felt like yapping via Thomas. I'm open to feedback as I am on every post!

Much love, 🫀

[fangirlingnuisance]

"Goodbyes are bittersweet. But it's not the end, I'll see your face again."

- Walking In The Wind, One Direction

I never thought I would be 25 and writing about someone from One Direction's passing. The way I imagined it in my head, I'd be in a home with my teenage kids and they'd be the ones to tell me about it. Never in my wildest dreams would I think I'd get the news from my brother who just came home from his graveyard shift, waking me up at 8 in the morning, delivering the news that One Direction will never be complete again.

I admit, this has been a rollercoaster of emotions. I'm not even sure if it had completely sunken in. Having someone you grew up loving and who was vital to your formative years -- grow up to be someone you dislike, his passing has come with a wave of confusing emotions. It's been some time since I supported Liam the way I liked the career of the other boys. When his ex-fiancée Maya shared her traumatic experiences with him, I felt myself growing farther from him. This then made me question why in the wake of his death, my heart was broken into pieces.

That thought was answered through my tears and constant scrolling through social media in search of comfort and reassurance that I wasn't the only one feeling this way. Then I came across this tweet:

It all became so clear to me. I am grieving for the teenager who stayed up late, cried, laughed, cheered, screamed, and did everything because of One Direction. I grieve for that little girl in me who clung to them when I was going through some of the darkest days of my life. I am grieving the boy I grew up watching, the one I first loved in 1D. I was grieving the version of him I remember, not the version I barely knew. Call it parasocial, it is. But it's awfully difficult to detach when he was part of something that played such a big role in the way I am, the friends I have today, and the journey I had to go through to get where I am.

The ache I feel when people I used to constantly watch/listen to resurface and talk about him. It was like I was transported back to a time when everything felt easier in life but this one -- this is one of the most tragic ways to relive that feeling. Photos of him and the boys I lived through, lyrics of them plastered on different social media pages, the voice I used to hear when I wanted something comforting; they all have different meanings now.

I was silently rooting for him to get the proper help. I wanted him to realize his mistakes, learn from them, make amends, reap what he sewed, and go get better. He just needed a little more time.

But it's too late now. Wow, I can't even believe that this is real. Heavy is the weight of the news that came today and I still can't seem to really wrap my head around it. I find myself staring at the wall or at my phone screen, trying to make sense of it all. I don't even know why I decided to write this and post it here. I think maybe because this place was one of those places I frequented during those times, or maybe I wanted somewhere where I felt I could freely express this. I don't know. I just know I wanted to pay tribute to the boy I once knew, the boy I grew up with.

I am heartbroken, Liam. You will be missed, especially by those who loved you. I pray for your family, your parents, and your son. May they find light in such a dark time. 🤍🪽

Liam James Payne 1993-2024

[forest-falcon]

Gonna attempt to see this one through as I think I've only ever jotted down WIPs and no chaptered stories. So here goes! Carrying on from yesterday's post, here's more scribblings!

💙💚💛

The Butterfly Effect

Chptr 2

Scott was ready.

Ready to be home.

Ready to hand over control.

Ready for Virgil's trusted hands to tend to his  wound and to tell him that he'd be alright.

Because right now, he wasn't certain.

He'd reasoned that autopilot would allow him to rest, and the pain would slowly subside.

Only, halfway across the South Pacific, that was not the case. 

One was taking him home, but the reality was a lot rougher in theory than on paper. There were good reasons why his younger brothers dubbed One 'The Vomit Comet.' And, though he'd hate to admit it; right now, he'd take the more sturdy and comfortable design of Two, over One in a heartbeat. 

Scott balled his hands and pressed his fists against closed eyes. It was too bright. The turbulence, too much. Each wind current further pummelled his brain and addled his stomach. 

He mentally slapped himself.

Get it together, Scott. It's just a concussion. Not his first, and almost certainly not his last. Each minute that went by brought him that bit closer to home. God, all this fuss for one stupid, rib-worthy accident. The ocean passed in a blue blur beneath him, and Scott slumped in his seat.

*  *  *

Gordon ran a towel through his hair and slipped on one of Alan's old gaming hoodies left in the communal lockers.

In the distance, a disgruntled Virgil could be heard singlehandedly rearranging the interior of Two's hangar. 

Gordon had one foot in the elevator, when a series of clatters and curses peaked his interest.

"A'right. Better go pacify the Bear." 

A pair of jeans poked out from an under-sink cupboard. 

"Hey! Tall, scary, dark and hairy!"

A dull thud and grunt sounded as brother-bear's head made contact with the underside of the sink. 

Gordon winced. 

A disheveled Virgil emerged, looking less than impressed.

"Gordon."

"Everything okay there, Virg?"

"Would it hurt people to put things back where they found them for once? How the hell am I supposed to carry out maintenance on Two if people keep moving all my stuff?"

Virgil began stacking the discarded items back under the sink.

"What've you lost?

Gordon scooped up a pile, working alongside his brother to clear the mess.

"Two's green toolbox. Someone's nabbed it. You all have your own. Why people keep borrowing Two's..."

"Wait. Didn't Scott borrow that this morning to fix the overhead locker in One?"

"What's wrong with the locker on One?"

Virgil closed the cupboard and stretched out his back. 

"Ah it was no biggie. It just kept popping open after all that turbulence One dealt with in the Philippines, yesterday."

"Huh. He didn't mention anything this morning."

"Wasn't time. He had a callout to rescue some wedged potholers. I'm guessing he must've stashed it somewhere on One," Gordon shrugged.

"Anyhoo, how long have you been down here?"

"Two. Hours." 

Gordon couldn't help but grin. 

"About time someone made you a coffee then.”

Virgil conceded with a smile.

"Sure."

"C'mon, I'll tell you all about Shippy Shippy Bang Bang."

"Ah, so you finally found a ship with as poor a name choice as yours?"

"Hey! How dare you insult Scuba Dooby Doo!"

[violent-optimism]

A (somewhat organized) collection of thoughts/things I noticed from the new TF #7 Comic (Spoilers!) - Part 2

The Administrator's Death and Everyone's Reaction

Yeah, I think we all knew this was coming too. But I don't think we were prepared for just how it would happen. We knew from the end of the last comic that Admin only had 1 hour left to live. And what did she do with it?

She completely wasted it. And as anti-climactic as that might seem I think that's exactly the point. She wasted her whole unnatural life in fact, and for what? Just to wither away and fade to dust with nothing and no one.

I freaking loved seeing the merc's individual reactions and seeing everyone walk away one by one as the panels progressed. Soldier and Sniper taking their hats off in respect. Spy, Scout and Miss Pauling frozen in shock. Medic and Heavy trying to comfort each other. Even Pyro looks visibly disturbed. (Demo's the only one we can't see which is too bad).

There's no words said. Because really, what CAN they say?

Miss Pauling's Choice

Kind of tying into what I said in my last post. I LOVE the way this is drawn alongside Engie's words. You get a real sense that she's being actively tempted by the Australium, but at the same time she's completely horrified by it because now she TRULY understands the devastation its capable of.

To be clear, I don't think Engie is trying to tempt her here. I think he's just trying to show her what her choices are. And perhaps, for the first time in her life, she actually COULD do anything she wanted. Not just second in command, but FULLY in command in the seat of power.

But she passes the test of course, and realizes she wants nothing to do with it. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if she quit her job right after the scene where she asks Engie if he knows any "deep trenches".

Side note: We finally get a first name confirmation for Miss Pauling!! Engie calls her "Flo" a couple times, which I assume is short for "Florence" as I'm not sure what else it could be a nickname for. That's awesome!!

Heavy and Sniper rescuing Soldier

This is just me more or less fan-girling about Sniper any chance I get. But when I tell you I practically SCREAMED when I realized he was there, I ain't lying lol

The thing is, Heavy could have chosen ANYONE to help him rescue Soldier, and he chose Sniper. I just think that's fucking rad. And I actually kind of like the fact that he doesn't even take a shot the entire time. He just holds his laser on the guy menacingly lol

Kind of wish he would have at least gotten a line here but ah well.

Side note: Heavy rocks that beard, holy shit! It's like Captain America all over again.

Scout is now a DAD

There's SO much to unpack here but I'll try my best to make it short lol

I think it's obvious to state that Scout has been, um...very productive these last 7 years! Honestly he does strike me as the type to want a lot of kids. And he might not be a perfect dad but you just know he would try his best and he would be a FUN dad if nothing else.

I'm not the first one to point this out, but I think it's interesting how we see the single-parent cycle continue with Scout. Kind of an interesting subversion on a common trope to have the MOM be the one to disappear or be a "deadbeat". I kind of wished we could have seen Scout's Ma at the dinner, but that's okay.

Am I a fan of Scout's extremely 70s hairstyle? No, not really lol but goddamn if seeing him as a dad didn't make me at least a little bit emotional.

Also, I laughed WAY too hard at the "my boys can swim" joke. Gosh, that's funny. I need to make another post talking about all my favourite jokes in this new comic.

The final panel

Holy...fucking...shit if this didn't RUIN me.

I will admit it took me an embarrassing amount of time to realize that Scout was talking to the READER, and we hadn't just shifted to the first person of a different character. But when I did finally clue into it, wow...that hit somewhere deep in my soul.

I have a sneaking suspicion that the writers may have tweaked the ending. Not just to reflect the long hiatus between comic issues but how long we've been on this journey with the characters in general. Scout saying stuff like "We're glad you stuck around" and "we've been through a lot, you and us," like FUCK how does that not tug at your heartstrings??

I teared up. Not gonna lie. They're a family and WE are a part of it! Everyone is so HAPPY and got their ending and everyone's ALIVE!

I don't care what anyone says. THIS is the ending the mercs deserved. After all they've been through (especially Sniper, one of the few who no longer has a bio family of his own), they deserved to live and get their ending. And it just makes me so happy that even after 7 years being busy with their own lives they would still make time to get together like this?? WHOLESOME!!!

Yeah sure, maybe it's cheesy and a little rosy, but after all the shit that 2024 threw at us, honestly...I think we all needed this. It felt very therapeutic. And although a part of me is kind of sad that the comic is over, my gratitude for it FINALLY being completed far outweighs my grief. I look forward to people analyzing and picking this issue apart even further for months (or even years) to come!

Thank you for the lovely Christmas gift, Valve.

[clangen-dadm]

I got permission to post asks about potential treatments for Warriors disabilities & disorders for those who want to write about them, this one's about autism (referred to as starwalker in-game, but I'll be using the name autism)

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMERS:

- Do not use the herb-related FICTIONAL treatments IRL AT ALL!! I am not a medical professional or vet. If you believe someone needs help, get them real help!

- I obviously cannot speak for everyone with any disorder, so take everything with a healthy pinch of salt because not everyone will agree with me. If you're one of those people, I am absolutely open to civil conversation and constructive criticism ^^

What is autism?:

Autism, aka Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), is a neurodevelopmental disorder that is characterized by many symptoms including (but not limited to): difficulties with communication and socialization, repetitive behaviors, sensory sensitivities, and difficulties with executive functioning.

Important things to note from this description:

- Autism being referred to as a spectrum means no one person experiences anything the same, so symptoms vary a LOT. Imagine a circle--every autistic person falls somewhere on that circle. Just as symptoms vary, some may not need very much support in their day-to-day life, while others might need lots of regular accommodations. This does not mean anyone is "more" or "less" autistic than anyone else.

- Neurodevelopmental means all autistic people are BORN autistic and will ALWAYS be autistic. Nobody's entirely certain where autism originates from, as it's actually a relatively new diagnosis, but we do know that it is not something that can be prevented or cured.

- Executive functioning is tied to a lot of things--emotional control, flexible thinking, impulse control, self-monitoring, working memory, organization, task initiation, and planning and prioritizing.

I'll admit, I'm writing this late at night and a majority of what I've been planning on saying is already covered here: https://allwritealright.com/how-to-write-an-autistic-character/#Make_Your_Autistic_Character_an_Individual (Excellent post, definitely check it out!), so I don't feel a need to say too much more, but there are s few more things I wanted to discuss.

How would Warriors treat autism?:

Honestly, I don't have any herbal remedies for this (and frankly I don't think they'd be very useful or appropriate anyways), but there are plenty of ways to accommodate for autistic kitties in your Clans!

When a cat is having a meltdown:

1) Stay calm! They don't need more stress right now.

2) Remove any potential triggers.

3) Distract them (encourage them to use calming strategies and offer something else for them to focus on)

4) Give them time and space to recover.

To treat sensory sensitivities in a cat, first identify triggers. If they're triggered by loud noises, try to keep them in a quiet area. They could wear little mossy/feathery earmuffs to help when things are noisy! If they're triggered by touch, make sure everyone knows to ask before touching them (which should be pretty basic manners anyhow). If they're triggered by smell or taste, keep those specific smell/taste triggers away from them. You get the point :)

To help a cat who is resistant to change through a change, try reinforcing everything else being similar except for one thing so that they can ease into a new routine instead of being shoved into it.

For nonverbal characters, communication cards, while limited, are one option left unmentioned in the blog I linked that can be quite helpful, as well! Simple things like common emotions and phrases are a good idea for these cards :)

Ough I really wanted to write more but I can't think of anything else that wasn't covered in that blog post unfortunately :( but if anyone has any questions I'll be lurking around the blog now and then, and I'm sure the actual mods of this blog can help too!!

this is really cool!! thank you :)

To piggyback off this, personally one thing I’d like to see more of in autism rep is characters with negative stims or tics! When overwhelmed, I have really bad negative stims (hitting myself, biting myself, etc), which can make things even worse, but a good therapist and support group can help your character through! In real life this may translate to hitting a plushie or biting an orange peel, but I’d love to see creative ways warriors could come up with instead- maybe they could bite into a preserved pelt or extra prey! In the game we have some stim toys they can get from two legs, but I’m sure warriors could also come up with some creative ideas!

I also appreciate it when other characters help autistic characters work through their sentences without teasing them. I have a moderately annoying stutter and struggle to find my words, especially when my emotions are running high. The best people in my life will patiently wait for me to get it out instead of pressuring me or making fun of it. I’d love to see a community of cats around the autistic character!

I’m sure Song has more ideas as well, unfortunately I’m the only West Coast mod XD ! I’ll ask them in the morning

[maximoffcarter]

One step forward - Part 2.

Pairings: Casey Novak x Alex Cabot

Summary: Second part to 'One step forward'. If Alex was good at something, it was keeping her word and her promises, doing the best she could to not disappoint. But what happens when she leaves once again and she leaves Casey behind? Will she keep the promise?

A/n: So...I have to admit that I am very nervous about this second part, not sure if it's what people expected but I felt like it was a good storyline. I must warn you...there is angst. Maybe a little more than I expected. And this is long. I just couldn't stop writing. But here is second and last part of this one shot. I have to thank those who have read the first part and loved it, it really made me feel so good about posting🥹 And those who have sent requests that I'll be working on them over the weekend. If you have any more requests, please feel free to send them on my asks or my inbox, and I'll try my best to deliver. Enjoy and leave your comments, reblogs, hearts, whatever you'd like, will be very much appreciated🫶🏻

A/n 2: Also to clear things out a bit, I changed the story line a bit? Since it was never clear what Casey did, I brought back Mary Clark, and then I completely ignored the show Conviction😂 You’ll understand when you get there😉

Part 1.

*not my gif*

Casey had been asleep when she heard Alex talking on the phone with Hammond. She heard the crack on her voice as she asked Hammond for a few more days, saying that she’d be careful and it’d be like she had never been here again, but judging by Alex’s silence, she knew that Hammond had denied her request. It broke Casey’s heart to know that Alex would have to go back to Witness Protection, also go back to that life that Alex said she hated so much, she felt bad to know Alex would be alone once again and she wouldn’t have any way to communicate to anyone who knew her. She had already heard stories of the way she found out about her mom, how she had to go out with people around her in case something happened, she had become paranoid. And the worst part was, that Casey wouldn’t know where she was going, she wouldn’t have a way to find out because Hammond would just take her somewhere new once again, and it wasn’t like Casey could just leave with her, she had a job to return to, she knew Alex wouldn’t let her drop it just because of her. But to imagine her life without her? Now that was impossible.

Yes, maybe it was silly, maybe it was too soon, but Casey had to bury these feelings for years. She had already admitted to Alex that she had also seen her every now and then in court, or how she heard Branch talking about her or even had seen her on TV about an SVU case. But truth to be told, Casey had known her since college days. Who didn’t know about Alexandra Cabot? Top of her class, the favorite of the school, of course she knew about her. She had seen her so many times at the coffee shop she used to work in but was always shy to say anything, so she’d always ask someone else to take care of Alex’s table. Her silly crush was too much for her to handle, she had so much to do that she couldn’t get distracted with it. And then Charlie happened. That whole ordeal of being with him, of trying to fix something that was not in her hands, and then shutting down to almost everyone because of what she went through.

The moment she heard again about Alex, that silly little crush reappeared the moment she saw Alex in court. She was supposed to be preparing for her own court, but she had been curious to see Alex working, and boy did she not disappointed. She was not sure if she was entranced in the way Alex moved around the courtroom or the way her voice sounded so serious and defying at the same time, but when it came to the victim, it was so comforting and delicate. She had been 5 min late that day, and she cursed Alexandra Cabot for it, though she knew it had been her fault. And the day she heard about Alex dying? Her heart had broken into a million pieces, she had mourned a person she barely even knew, and the fact that Branch thought it was a good idea to have Casey replacing her, made her feel even sadder and a bit upset, because no one could replace Alex.

Thinking back on how both of them had so many chances to get to know each other, but the two of them were shy to even say a hello, made Casey figure out that life could change in an instant and most of the times life was not fair, but it could also give you second chances if you really looked at the bright side of it all. So she laid there in her bed, staring at Alex moving around her room talking on the phone and wishing she had more time with her. Alex’s words replayed in her mind as she looked at her; I cannot just come back, Casey. I don’t want you to wait for me. Even with Connors behind bars, they had no idea if Alex was out of danger and they couldn’t risk it, but they also didn’t know how much longer this could last.

“You’re awake.”

Casey looked up at Alex and offered a small smile. “I heard you on the phone.”

Alex sighed softly as she went back to bed, moving close to face Casey. She placed her hand on Casey’s cheek and stroked it softly. “I’m sorry, I should’ve taken the call in the living room.”

“It’s okay.” Casey smiled. “So…you have to go on Thursday, don’t you?”

“Yes.” Alex nodded softly as she bit her lip.

“You really can’t tell me where you’re going?”

Alex shook her head. “I don’t even know myself.”

Casey sighed softly as she nodded. “It’s for your own safety.” She whispered softly as she looked at Alex, trying to hold back her tears.

“I’ll memorize your number and he won’t know that I’m calling you.”

“Alex.”

“No.” Alex snapped as she took a deep breath. “They can’t take more away from me. Not you. Not when I just got you.” She whispered softly as she rested her forehead against Casey’s.

“We cannot risk this. Hammond would kill me.” Casey huffed a chuckle.

“Over my dead body.” Alex grinned.

Casey scrunched her nose and shook her head. “Not a good joke, Cabot.”

Alex chuckled softly as she kissed her nose. “I know, I’m sorry.”

Casey sighed. “I just wish we had more time.”

“Me too.” Alex smiled. “Hopefully this ends soon.”

Casey nodded. “Hopefully.” She sighed softly. “Okay. We’ll have schedules so he doesn’t know you’re calling me. We need to be safe with all this.”

“We will.” Alex smiled. “I just want to at least be able to hear you once a day.”

Casey felt her eyes watering again, nodding softly. “Me too.”

Alex sighed as she leaned in and kissed her lips softly. “It’ll get better.” She whispered against her lips. “I’ll come back.”

“You better.” Casey smiled sadly, placing her hands on Alex’s waist to pull her closer to her, kissing her lips softly.

********************

Casey was biting on her pen as she tried to focus on the file she had in front of her, but her eyes kept going back to her clock, staring at it as if that was going to make time go faster. Alex was supposed to call her 30 min ago and she hadn’t heard anything from her since the day before. They had a night call since Casey had been busy all day between arraignments and trial and Alex knew that if Casey didn’t answer the first time, it was because she was busy in court or with the squad, so the next chance was at night, which it was both their favorite times to talk. But today, Casey had been in her office all day long, so of course time felt longer since she had been sitting there for hours, and Alex was nowhere to be found and she couldn’t risk calling her. She sighed as she dropped her pen for the third time, rubbing her face as she felt the stress taking over her.

 The moment the phone rang, her hand flew to grab it, almost spilling the, still full, coffee that she had just beside the phone, only to groan as she heard Elliot’s voice in the other line. She hadn’t noticed that Olivia was just walking into her office, snapping to Elliot that she couldn’t get a warrant unless they had a good reason for it, and she was not about to risk having trouble with Petrovsky just for a gut feeling and no valid reason. She hung up and her face went back to her hands, completely ignoring the fact that Olivia had walked into the office and now stood right in front of her.

“Tough day?”

Casey looked up at Olivia, a hint of fear in her eyes but relaxing as soon as she saw the woman. “You could say that.” She sighed. “Thought you’d be with Elliot.”

“Ah, no. Fin is with him, I’m here to try to convince you of getting the warrant.” Olivia grinned as she sat down.

Casey scoffed. “Guess you heard what I just told Elliot.” She grinned as she looked at her.

“Casey, are you okay?” Olivia said softly as she tilted her head.

Casey shrugged. “Why would you ask?”

“I’m not trying to be mean or anything but…you look a bit distracted today and more stressed than normal.”

“Just a lot of paperwork and reading to prepare for trial.”

Olivia hummed. “So, has nothing to do with something else.”

Casey shrugged as she shook her head. “Not really.”

“So, it has nothing to do with the fact that Alex hasn’t called?”

Casey felt her heart stopping for a moment as she stared at Olivia. She looked at her as if she had just discovered her biggest secret, which technically, it was sort of a big secret since the whole squad swore that Alex had left that same day when she won the case, and Casey never mentioned a thing about Alex staying in her apartment for 3 days, or anything about what happened between them. So Olivia suddenly mentioning her made her feel a bit terrified because somehow, she knew that either Branch, Cragen or Olivia would be the first ones to know if anything happened to Alex.

“Why would you ask that?” Casey’s voice lowered, almost cracking as she felt her throat going dry.

“I heard you the other day.” Olivia offered a small smile. “I didn’t mean to hear anything but…you left your door a bit open, and I happened to hear you saying Alex’s name. And then, 2 days ago, you excused yourself at the precinct and when I went to find you, you mentioned her again. Unless you’re holding out on me and met another Alex, I like to think that you’re referring to Alex Cabot.”

Casey sighed as she looked down at her hands that had now come together, fidgeting with her fingers. “Yes, it is Alex Cabot.”

Olivia nodded. “Care to tell me what’s going on?” Casey looked back at her with a hint of doubt. Olivia smiled. “C’mon, Case. I did hide for a whole year that Alex was actually alive.”

Casey huffed a chuckle and nodded. “Right.” She sighed softly. “Alex…we had our moments…when she came back to replace me. The day she left…she actually went back to my apartment. She stayed with me, for 3 days.”

Olivia raised her brows. “So, you two are-“

“Not that we had time to disclose what we were but…” Casey nodded. “Something happened between us. But she had to leave.”

Olivia nodded. “And you have no idea where she is.”

Casey shook her head. “She calls me, we talk, but she doesn’t exactly disclose where she is or anything about her new identity. We just…keep each other company.”

Olivia smiled softly. “I knew those looks you two gave each other back when she first came back were not nothing.”

Casey rolled her eyes playfully. “Yeah well, it took us a while.”

“Certainly.” Olivia chuckled, but then her smile faded a bit. “You don’t have any idea when this will be over, do you?”

Casey shook her head as she looked away, feeling her eyes watering. “No.”

Olivia moved to the edge of the chair and leaned onto the desk to grab Casey’s trembling hands. “I’m sure she’ll be back, Casey.”

Casey hadn’t even noticed she had started trembling until she felt Olivia’s hand on hers. She looked back at her, a tear rolling down her cheek. “What if she doesn’t?”

Olivia sighed. “I’m sure she’ll let you know.”

“I’m afraid that she’ll regret everything that she said to me and that at the end…I’ll be here waiting and then she never comes back.” Casey bit her lip as more tears rolled down her cheeks.

“If there’s one thing I admire from Alex, is that she keeps her word. And I’m sure as hell that whatever she said to you, she’ll keep it.”

Casey nodded softly as she smiled. “I sure hope so.”

********************

Casey laid on her bed and stared at the ceiling while her cellphone laid on her stomach. She didn’t know how long it had been since she’s been in this position, but one thing that she was sure of is that sleep was nowhere near to come. After finally giving up on work, she had decided to go to the batting cages for a while to distract her mind, it’s been a while since she had been there, so she knew it’d definitely keep her busy and it’d also make her feel at least a bit better. But then, coming back to her apartment made her feel down once again. She knew she couldn’t keep this going, it had been a full year already since Alex had left, since the daily calls started, but it was draining. There was a point where she got mad with herself because they had only spent 3 days together after confessing their feelings for each other, which if she really thought about it, they hadn’t actually talked about whatever was going on with them, they just made sure to show their love for each other without actually saying it.

But Casey knew…deep inside her, she knew. Since she saw Alex walking into her office, she knew that stupid little crush was back and stronger than ever. Those small moments they had together while preparing for trial, the stares, and small touches, it was impossible for Casey to not feel that way, she knew it was pretty obvious that she had heart eyes for Alex in every moment, which made it a bit harder to focus on her task but also knew that this case was important for everyone, so she had to put her best posture and keep going. And then, seeing Alex back had made her go back to those feelings; foolish girl thinking that she could get over it but then Alexandra Cabot dared to show up again and steal her heart one more time, and she wasn’t even mad about it. She knew it’d happen over and over again as long as Alex was present. Casey had no space for another person, and she didn’t want anyone else, she wanted Alex.

Her hand unconsciously went to her neck and grabbed onto the small diamond that rested against her neck. There were times when Casey wore nothing other than earrings and sometimes a simple necklace if she remembered to put it on, but the last night Alex had been there, she gave Casey the necklace that she was wearing. Casey had tried to tell her no, but Alex kept pushing her to keep it. Casey laughed softly at the memory, feeling tears rolling down her cheeks as she recalled that night.

“You know, I’ve worn that necklace more times than I can count.” Alex chuckled softly as she played with the small diamond, the necklace now on Casey’s neck. Her head resting against her hand as she looked down at Casey.

“Which is why you should keep it.” Casey smiled as she looked at Alex.

“It’s now yours.”

“You know, I’m pretty sure they’ll notice it’s not actually mine if you’ve used it so much. Plus, me wearing something so expensive? Please.” Casey grinned.

Alex rolled her eyes playfully as she grinned. “You’re so funny.”

“The best.” Casey chuckled.

Alex smiled softly as she looked at it and then looked at Casey. “It looks beautiful on you. And it’s my promise that I’ll come back.”

Casey felt her heart beating a bit faster at Alex’s words, smiling softly as her hand moved to lay on top of Alex’s, taking it away from the necklace and bringing it to her lips.

“Ms. Cabot…you’re too cheesy.” Casey smirked.

“You know what, I take it back.” Alex laughed along with Casey.

Casey bit her lip softly as she smiled. “I’ll hold you to that promise.”

Alex smiled and leaned down to kiss Casey’s lips.

Casey snapped out of her thoughts when she felt her cellphone vibrating in her stomach, rapidly grabbing it, and answering the call. “Hello?”

“Hello pretty girl.”

Casey smiled softly and sighed in relief. “Hi.”

Alex chuckled softly. “Did you have your phone in hand already? You answered pretty fast.”

“Well, I kinda have been waiting all day for a pretty blonde girl to call me, but never happened.”

Alex chuckled softly. “I’m sorry. I had some stuff to do.”

“Oh? Ms. Cabot had a busy day?”

“Believe it or not, I did. I went grocery shopping and if I happened to get the phone out, one of the guys would’ve told Hammond that I have a cellphone with me.”

Casey nodded. “Makes sense.”

“I’m sorry, I should’ve called earlier.”

“You know that I love when you call me at night.” Casey smiled softly. “Helps me sleep.”

Alex stayed quiet for a moment, a faint sigh could be heard. “Helps me sleep too. I somehow imagine you’re here.”

Casey grinned. “Cheesy.”

“Don’t even.” Alex laughed.

Casey sighed softly and stayed quiet for a moment. “Alex?”

“Yes?”

Casey bit her lip softly. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too, Case.” Alex cleared her throat. “But uh, hey tell about your day! I’m sure the squad got on your nerves once again.”

Casey chuckled. “You wouldn’t even imagine.”

********************

Casey slammed the door behind her and threw her bag to the floor, not caring where it landed or if it hit something. Tears rolled down her face as she tried to calm her breathing. This was not happening. This was definitely not supposed to happen. She fell to the floor as she sobbed uncontrollably, her whole body feeling heavy and her chest feeling like it was about to explode. How could she let this happen? What was she supposed to do now? She kept hearing her phone vibrating in her bag, but she was in no condition to answer it, she didn’t want to talk to anyone, no matter who it was. This stupid system only showed that even when people tried to do the right thing, it was still not enough, and you’d get punished for it. A punishment for doing the right thing, but the bad guys got away with it no matter what. And now, she was suspended for 3 years. 3 years. For a stupid fucking brady violation.

And the person that she believed would have her back, was actually the person who stabbed her. Lost perspective? She didn’t. She just figured out that if she had the power to not let the bad guy win, then she’d do anything to do exactly that. But she didn’t think it through. She didn’t think of the consequences that could happen. She’s known people that had done this before, and they still have their license. Hell, she was so lucky that she had only been suspended and she still got to keep her license. She still stood by her words when she said that she didn’t want this job if justice wasn’t served, but maybe she meant it a little too much that now she was in this situation.

Life gave you second chances? Fuck that. She was naive to believe that. She got everything wrong. Either life hated her so much or things were just not meant to be. Not only had she lost the chance to do what she loved but she also lost the person she loved. Almost a year and a half since she last heard from Alex. She had simply stopped calling, she never said anything. Did Casey do something wrong? She didn’t know, but Alex had vanished once again and this time, she had no way of contacting her. What was she supposed to do? Call Hammond to ask? He’d kill both Alex and Casey if he knew they had been talking. But what if it was Alex who got tired of just calls? Maybe she had made the decision that it was better to just leave it there and not say anything to Casey.

But why would she do that? Why would she just leave Casey like that? What happened to the promises? To every one of their conversations? Had they meant nothing to Alex? Had Casey been a simple distraction for Alex until she found something else to do? Until she found someone new? Maybe that was it. Maybe her biggest fear came true, and Alex had finally figured out that after all, that promise was useless, and she’d never come back. Maybe she met someone, maybe she fell in love and figured out that having a new life wasn’t as bad as it seemed. Maybe she was already out of Witness Protection, and she had decided not to tell anyone because she had someone new in her life. But Casey was now sure that Alex was out of her life. She was gone. And there was nothing Casey could do, other than cry and mourn Alex once again even if she was not entirely gone. Now that she needed her the most, she was gone. She wanted nothing more than to find her, but what was the point in doing that? She’d only waste her time once again and she’d only get her heart completely shattered. Casey was alone. Completely alone.

********************

“What were you thinking? Did you really think we wouldn’t find out?”

Alex scoffed. “You didn’t for a whole year.” She snapped as she looked back at Hammond.

“We don’t know if you’re completely safe, Alex. What if someone tracked down the calls and came to you?”

“She didn’t know anything. She didn’t know where I was, we just talked. I needed someone to talk, I didn’t just want to be locked in the house again without doing shit or talking to anyone.” Alex shrugged as she shook her head. “Connors is in jail. I am not that important anymore for someone to want to kill me.”

“You still needed to be safe!”

“At what cost?! To have a normal life?! I have no life here! I was robbed! I lost everything!” Alex cried out as she yelled. “Do I need to remind you that I couldn’t even go to my mother’s funeral?! Only Olivia and Elliot knew I was alive, my whole family thought I was dead. I left after trial, I couldn’t even say goodbye to the people I cared about. You expected me to just go back and come back and lose that again? I was not going to let you take her away from me.” She felt her blood boiling as she spoke while tears rolled down her cheeks.

Hammond shook his head. “I’m sorry, but we cannot risk it.”

Alex laughed darkly. “Do you think I won’t try to contact her?”

“You won’t. Because you perfectly know that if you try, you’re also putting her at risk.”

Alex furrowed her brows. “I’m not.”

“Alex…you were a target after you tried to convict someone. Novak convicted Connors and went on to win the case. We don’t know if he had any other contacts, don’t you think that they’d also want to go after her? They tried to kill Antonio for a second time before he went to testify. Why would they stop?”

Alex looked away as she sobbed. She knew he was right. And she knew the risk of the calls, but this never crossed her mind. She was right, one way or another, there could be a possibility that not only was she at risk, but Casey could also be at risk and if they knew she was connected to Alex, they could take revenge or do anything to get Alex or to hurt her. Nothing had happened in a whole year, but Alex knew better than to be a fool and believe that it wouldn’t happen again.

“You cannot contact her again, Alex.”

Alex stayed quiet for a moment, looking back at him. “I know.” She then whispered, her chest feeling heavy as she knew it was now over, and there was nothing else she could do.

********************

“Are you sure I can’t come with you?” Casey looked at Alex as she finished dressing up.

Alex turned to look at Casey and offered a small smile. “I’ll be fine. I need to return the car and Hammond will meet me there. I don’t want you to come back alone.”

Casey bit her lip softly. “You know I didn’t mean that.”

Alex sighed softly as she walked back to the bed, sitting right in front of Casey and grabbing her hand. “They’re waiting for you to go back. You have a life here, Case.”

“I can just drop everything. They’ll find someone else.”

“Case.” Alex placed her other hand on Casey’s cheek, noticing her teary eyes. “I can’t let you do that.”

Casey looked down at her lap and closed her eyes to avoid the tears. “I know.” She whispered softly.

Alex moved a little closer until her knee met Casey’s. “It’ll be over before we know it. Maybe I’m able to come back before time, we never know.”

Casey nodded softly as she looked back at Alex. “I just wish we had more time together.”

“I do too.” Alex smiled and leaned in, kissing her lips softly. “I wish I hadn’t been a coward and I had talked to you before.”

“We were both cowards.” Casey chuckled softly.

“We’ll recover that time. Someday.” Alex smiled sadly as she kissed Casey’s forehead.

“This is not fair.” Casey whispered softly.

“I know, it isn’t.” Alex sighed.

Casey looked up at Alex as tears rolled down her tears. “Please, come back to me.”

Alex stared into green eyes and smiled softly. “I will.” She leaned in again to kiss her lips. “I’ll come back.” She whispered against her lips and kissed her again.

Alex opened her eyes as the subway came to a stop, she grabbed her bag and stood up to get off. She looked around for a bit, seeing that even if it was a bit late, the place was crowded, she thought that maybe they were going back home, or some were returning from their jobs. She remembered the times she took the subway to go back to her apartment, that apartment that she now didn’t recognize. It was her first week back in New York, and even if she was afraid to walk around the streets of New York alone, she needed to familiarize herself with the city again, if she decided to stay here after all. At first she didn’t know where to go, she just walked and walked until she chose to grab the subway. She had stopped by the courtroom, curious to see the place she spent most of her days in, she had even hoped to see familiar faces but that’d be too much to ask for. She even thought about stopping by the precinct and to another specific place but…she didn’t think it’d be a good idea.

She walked into a small bar that was a few blocks away from her apartment, sitting by the bar and asking about the usual drink that she always had after a tough case. It felt so familiar, yet so different. She hummed as the liquid hit her throat, missing the taste of it since all she ever had back ‘home’ was either beer or tequila that she bought, she barely went to bars, she barely went out as it was. She finished her drink and asked for another, smiling at the bartender. As she was about to get her wallet out to open a tap, she looked at her right side and saw a figure sitting at the very end of the bar, her heart dropping for a moment as she recognized it. She recognized her. Just in time the bartender placed the drink in front of her, she looked at him and asked if she could cover the drinks of the person at the end of the bar. She gave him her card and smiled before she got up and grabbed her drink. She could finish her drink and run out of the bar, and never look back again, but she couldn’t do that again, she could run away when she was just back. When this was her chance.

Was this even a good idea? What if she really didn’t want to see her or talk to her? Alex was 100% sure that Casey hated her at this point. She never called again, not even a message, but she had her reasons and she hoped that Casey would want to listen to her. She stood there by her chair, drinking her drink, and smiling softly as she studied Casey’s face. She had matured so much, her hair was back to its natural color, but she still looked as beautiful as ever. But there was also something that had changed; she looked…sad, exhausted, that light in her eyes that she loved was now gone. Was this her fault? There could be other reasons for sure, but Alex could be a reason behind this, and she hated herself so much for it. She noticed the bartender taking the drink to Casey and explaining that her tab was now covered. Casey looked up to try to find the person and that was Alex’s cue to walk to Casey; it was now or never. Casey’s eyes finally fell on Alex, she noticed the surprise and confusion in her face, maybe a hint of anger. Alex offered a small smile as she sat beside Casey, placing her drink beside Casey’s.

“Thought you could use a drink.” Alex smiled.

Casey stayed serious and quiet for a moment, confusion washing over her face as she looked at Alex, her eyes studying Alex. “Is it really you?” She whispered almost to herself.

Alex’s heart broke at her words, nodding softly. “It is me. I’m back.”

Casey took a deep breath and looked around the bar, almost as if she was looking for a camera or something as if this was a whole joke. She couldn’t get any words out when her eyes went back to Alex’s, she was speechless, her whole body trembling. She was confused, that’s all she could figure out. She felt anger, happiness, sadness, everything at once, but the only way she could describe it at the moment was that she was completely confused. Alex’s heart broke a little at the sight of Casey, maybe this wasn’t the right way to do it, she could’ve called first and not just show up like this, that in her defense, she didn’t know she was going to find Casey in this bar, though she knew Casey’s place wasn’t too far away from here. She saw how Casey grabbed the drink and finished it all, groaning a bit as she placed the glass back in its place. Alex sighed softly as she dared to place her hand on Casey’s hand.

“Casey.”

“No.”

Alex furrowed her brows. “I know-“

“I cannot do this right now.” Casey shook her head as she cried out, staring at the empty glass.

“I can explain. Please, I-“

“Not here.” Casey looked back at Alex and bit her lip, getting up from the chair and taking her hand away from Alex’s. “I’ll meet you outside, I just…need a moment.” She grabbed her purse and left some dollars on the countertop, exiting the bar right after.

Alex sighed heavily as she looked at the bartender and asked to close the tab. She finished her drink and thanked the bartender, grabbing her card and putting it back on her purse, offering a small smile before she exited the bar too. She stood by the door for a moment as she saw Casey facing the street. She felt bad for doing this to her, she knew this had been a bad idea, but she couldn’t just leave the bar without saying anything. She slowly walked to her and extended her hand but put it back down as she stared at Casey. It had been clear that she hadn’t been comfortable with Alex touching her hand back in the bar so she would keep her distance.

 “Casey?” Alex whispered softly.

Casey looked back at Alex, her eyes red and puffy. She sniffled and nodded softly. “Let’s uh…let’s go to my apartment.”

The whole way to Casey apartment, Alex tried to focus her eyes on Casey, trying not to be the paranoid person that she had become in the last few years, she knew they were safe, that she was safe, but she still couldn’t help but feel a bit scared as they walked. Alex had planned to go for a drink or two and then call a cab to take her home, but if Casey wanted to walk, they’d walk. As for Casey, her mind kept spinning around, not sure what she was really doing. She had never really planned what she’d do if Alex did come back at some point. Without Alex noticing, she kept looking down at her hands, trying to find a sign of a ring or something, but nothing was there, which made part of feel relieved by this, but she was also slapping herself in her mind for even looking for something. She was supposed to be mad, she wasn’t supposed to do this. She should’ve left her back at the bar, why would she even accept to talk to her? But god, she so wished she could just wrap her arms around Alex and hug her, she needed her hugs more than anything.

Once they got to Casey’s apartment, Casey closed the door behind her and sighed softly as she rested her head against the door, mostly preparing herself for whatever was coming. She turned to look at Alex, who only stood a few feet away from her, waiting for Casey to say anything or move, whatever she was going to do, Alex would literally follow. Casey couldn’t help but look up at her up and down; it’s like she had not changed at all, she looked just the same. Her hair had grown a bit more, she noticed she had made some layers which made her look so beautiful. Her glasses had changed, even her clothing had, which was so weird to see her in a pair of jeans and a leather jacket…but she looked beautiful. It made Casey feel a bit ashamed of her appearance, she knew that lately, she has not looked her best and it made her overthink a bit what Alex must be thinking about her, but she pushed back those thoughts. She looked away as she bit her lip, looking at her kitchen.

“Um…would you like to drink something? I have…some wine. Orange juice. Water.”

Alex cleared her throat as she shrugged. “Wine would be fine.”

Casey nodded softly as she went to the kitchen, putting her purse on her couch before she passed Alex, and opened her cabinets to find the wine, suddenly forgetting where she had placed it. Alex placed her purse on the couch just like Casey and followed after but stopped at the kitchen island, not being able to tear her eyes away from Casey. The place felt so familiar, she couldn’t help but smile as she looked around. Not much had changed, one or two things here and there, but still felt like Casey. She looked at Casey again when she placed a glass in front of her, pouring some wine for her. Casey poured herself some and then placed the bottle right beside it. They stared at each other for a moment, neither of them saying a word. Alex had so much to say but she was not sure if it was right for her to start talking or just let Casey do the talking for now, her anxiety slowly increasing as she could tell Casey was now more upset than confused. Or maybe sad? Alex couldn’t quiet tell.

“Wanna sit on the couch? So…we’re a bit more comfortable.”

Alex nodded. “Sure.”

They both headed to the couch with their glasses in hand. As they sat down, Alex took a small sip for courage and then placed the glass on the small table in front of her, Casey mimicking her actions. They once again stared at each other, Alex taking the chance to study Casey’s face again, smiling a bit as her eyes dropped to her neck, noticing the necklace she had given her still on her.

“You still have it.” Alex whispered as her eyes returned to Casey’s.

Casey looked down at the necklace and smiled softly. “I never really take it off.”

“Did they ever ask you about it?” Alex grinned a little.

Casey looked up at Alex and smiled a bit. “Munch and Huang noticed first. Olivia did too at some point. The others were oblivious.”

Alex chuckled slightly. “I figured those two would notice first.”

“You want it back?”

Alex furrowed her brows as she stared at Casey. “What?”

Casey shrugged. “I mean…you’re back. I thought maybe-“

“I told you it’s yours. It was…my promise that I’d come back.”

Casey nodded. “And you did.”

Alex smiled a little. “I did.” Casey bit her lip as she looked down at her hands, Alex couldn’t help but stare at her lips. “I always wanted to run my thumb over your lips so you wouldn’t bite it.” Alex paused as Casey looked back up. “And then kiss you.”

Casey felt her heartbeat raising a bit at the confession, her cheeks going slightly red. “It’s a thing I do. I don’t do it consciously.”

“I know that.” Alex smiled.

Casey looked back down at her hands and furrowed her brows. “Why…why did you stop calling?” She whispered softly.

Alex sighed as she looked away, trying to remember what she had practiced before. “Hammond found out.”

Casey shot her head up. “What?”

Alex nodded. “One of his guys…I didn’t notice he had walked into the house, and I was back in the patio, talking to you. He told Hammond that same day and he came to my house the next.” She shrugged. “We had a bit of a discussion.”

“Did he take away the phone?”

Alex shook her head as she looked back at Casey. “No.”

“Then why didn’t you call? Did you really just listened to him and decided it would be a good idea to not call me and not even let me know that you wouldn’t do it anymore?” Casey’s voice broke slightly as she felt her eyes getting teary. “You just stopped.”

“I couldn’t…I-“ Alex bit her lip softly as she looked down at her hands. “I didn’t want to listen to him. I was not going to. I was just going to agree and move on, but he knew. And he talked to me and…I had to listen.”

“Why?”

“Because I couldn’t put you at risk, Casey.” Alex looked back up at her, a hint of fear in her eyes. “He told me that anyone could trace the calls if there was anyone out there. He didn’t want to tell me to not scare me, but they found someone that was related to Connors. You convicted him, what if he came after you?” She felt her lip trembling as she spoke and her eyes getting teary as she stared at Casey. “I couldn’t let them get to you, Casey. And he didn’t even tell me after days. But he told me I could put you at risk. I didn’t even care about me anymore, but I couldn’t let you get hurt. Not again.” She took a shaky breath. “I could still see you…with bruises. You barely being able to walk. I couldn’t let that happen to you again and me…not being here. Not being able to know if you were okay.”

Casey didn’t notice her tears already rolling down her cheeks, wanting to look away from Alex so badly but not being able to. “Alex.”

“Cragen told me you were okay. You were fully back to work and…you were safe.” Alex shrugged. “I just needed to make sure you were okay.” She whispered softly as she wiped away her tears.

“Alex…I could’ve taken care of myself. I could’ve told Olivia and Elliot, so they could’ve been alert if something happened. Olivia already knew that we were talking.”

Alex furrowed her brows. “What?”

Casey sighed. “She…she heard me once or twice and she didn’t say anything until one day she came to my office and asked me. I knew better than to lie to her, so I admitted it, but she never told anyone.” She shrugged. “I guess Cragen and Liv were good at keeping secrets, huh?” She smiled a bit.

Alex huffed a chuckle and nodded. “I guess so.”

Casey sobbed quietly as she looked down at her hands. “I needed you.” She whispered softly.

Alex tilted her head as she swallowed. “I know, honey. But I-“

“I’m suspended.”

Alex furrowed her brows. “What?”

Casey let out a shaky breath as she looked back at Alex. “Brady violation. I-“ she shook her head. “I tried to do the right thing and…everything ended differently than I expected. Judge was Petrovsky…defense was Donna…” she closed her eyes for a moment as she recalled the moment. “Donelly…said I lost perspective.”

“When did that happen?”

“Over 6 months ago.” Casey shrugged. “I uh…I’m helping Mary Clark with some cases. By that I mean…research, clerical activities. Just simple jobs but you know…I’m not running out of money. Guess she felt too bad for me that I got suspended and I’m back under her wing.” She chuckled sadly.

Alex moved closer to Casey and grabbed her hand, bringing it to her lips. “Casey…I am so sorry. I should’ve been there for you. I was an idiot for vanishing like that.”

“I get it.” Casey looked up at her and smiled sadly. “I now get it.”

“That’s still not an excuse.”

Casey sighed as she placed her hand on Alex’s cheek, wiping away her tears. “I forgive you, Alex.”

Alex let out a shaky breath that she didn’t even know she was holding. “You don’t have to. I mean-“

“But I do.” Casey bit her lip softly as she shook her head. “I cannot lose you again, Alex.” She took a deep breath as her tears rolled down her cheeks. “I was upset. I…I didn’t understand what had happened, I thought I had done something wrong or that…that you just figured out you couldn’t do this anymore.”

Alex shook her head. “No. I wanted to call you every single day. I wanted to come and find you, but they didn’t let me.”

“Now you’re here.” Casey whispered as she smiled.

Alex nodded, turning her head slightly to kiss Casey’s hand on her cheek, her hand going on top of it. “I am. And I’m not going anywhere.”

Casey smiled. “I’d actually kill you if you dare go somewhere.” She chuckled softly.

Alex huffed a chuckle as she smiled. “I can’t. I won’t.” She tilted her head. “I want to keep my promise…and I want us to try this.”

Casey’s face softened. “Try this?”

“Us.” Alex smiled. “I want us to…to get to know each other again. I want us to go on dates. To…you know try this whole relationship thi-“

Casey interrupted Alex as she placed her other hand on Alex’s cheek and pulled her in for a kiss. Alex gasped as she felt Casey’s lips against her but placed her hands on Casey’s neck to keep her in place, kissing her back softly. Alex felt more tears rolling down her cheeks, she felt so overwhelmed about everything that was going on, but this definitely calmed her anxiety down, knowing that Casey really meant it and she really forgave her, and that’s all Alex had been hoping for. Hell, she would’ve accepted a friendship if anything, she just needed Casey in her life -well maybe she wouldn’t have entirely accepted the friendship because of how she felt about Casey, but she would respect the boundaries-. Both women couldn’t help but smile against each other’s lips, breaking the kiss for a slight moment before Alex brought Casey’s lips back to hers, not wanting the kiss to end. They finally separated as they tried catching their breath. Alex smiled softly as she rested her forehead against Casey’s.

“I love you, Casey.”

Casey pulled away enough to look at Alex, a surprised look on her face. “What?”

Alex’s eyes widened as she stared at Casey, swallowing hard as her hands left Casey’s neck. “I- uh. I mean- fuck. Casey. I-“

Casey chuckled softly. “You know that you’re cute even when you’re a bundle of anxiety?” She raised her brow as she grinned playfully.

“What do you expect me to do? I…I told you I loved you and you’re making fun of me and-”

“And I love you too.” Casey smiled as she ran her hand through Alex’s hair.

Alex sighed in relief as she smiled. “You do?”

Casey nodded. “I do.” She smiled. “And, by the way, I do agree on going on dates, maybe updating each other a bit more on each other’s lives but…why waste more time, Alex?”

Alex smiled. “I mean…I did drop the L bomb after basically trying to say that we could take things slow, so. I broke my own rule.” She shrugged as Casey laughed.

“You’re cute.” Casey smiled as she pecked her lips softly. “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too.” Alex smiled as she placed her hands on Casey’s back but then pulled them back quickly.

Casey rolled her eyes playfully. “Alex…it’s been over 3 years. My ribs are perfectly fine. You don’t have to be careful anymore.”

“I’d still be careful. I still don’t wanna hurt you.”

“I know you wouldn’t hurt me.” Casey smirked softly as she placed her hand on Alex’s chest and pushed her slightly, so her back was resting against the couch. She then moved to straddle her waist, wrapping her arms around Alex’s neck. “And what if I don’t want you to be careful?”

Alex gulped as she looked up at Casey. “Well, that changes things.” She grinned as she placed her hands on Casey’s waist.

“It does.” Casey smiled before she leaned down for another kiss, but this time with more passion.

********************

“Anyone know who’s out temporary ADA?” Fin asked as he looked at Elliot.

“How about one back from the dead?”

They both turned to look at Casey who was already smiling and taking her coat off. “Casey Novak. You’re back.”

Casey shrugged. “Alive and fairly well.” She sighed as she smiled. “Alex and I are gonna share some cases, but…I am.”

Olivia smiled softly as she walked to Casey and hugged her tightly. “I’m so glad you’re back.”

Casey smiled softly as she pulled away from the hug and looked at Olivia. “I’m happy I am.”

“Well, we have our two favorite back.” Much said as he patted her shoulder.

Casey nodded. “Thank you for the warm welcome. But, I think we have a case to work on?”

“Just got here and you already want to start working? Eager much, Novak?”

Casey smirked as she turned to look at Alex. “I don’t think you have ever minded that, Cabot.”

Alex grinned as she kissed her cheek softly. “That’s a secret.” She whispered in Casey’s ear and then chuckled as she looked at the rest of the squad. “I need to steal her for a bit but promise I’ll bring her back.” She grabbed Casey’s hand and pulled her to the elevator. Once the doors closed, she pinned Casey against the wall and smirked. “First day back and you already want to tease me in front of everyone?”

Casey shrugged. “Is that wrong?” She smirked as she pulled Alex close to her by the collar of her coat.

Alex shook her head as she chuckled. “We’ll see how you like my teasing later.” She whispered against her lips as she kissed her, but once she heard the doors opening, she pulled away and winked at Casey.

“Do you think Liz would like to hear that we’re gonna be working together?” Casey grinned as they walked out of the elevator hand in hand.

“I think she’d like if we let her know we’re together in my office before she walks in on us again.” Alex laughed, pulling Casey close to her and Casey laughing with her as they walked out the precinct. 

[mommypills]

Life is Strange Rewrite

HELLO CHAT. i know it's been entirely too long since i've posted anything but i feel like i need to get this out somewhere besides in my poor friends' dms. i have no idea how active the LiS tags are, but it matters not; i am ready to unleash my super autism upon whoever is willing to read this post!

you've read the title, i assume. i started rewatching a playthrough of LiS and BtS fairly recently, though i've been a fan since... well... a while. at least since 2018, perhaps earlier. i will admit, i wasn't quite in tune with the story during those years because i was a young child. simply put, i grew up with this series—thank you for introducing me to these awkward lesbians, ma—and had almost no outside opinions to consider.

enter 2024 hal with internet access and a dozen friends who don't mind discussing things with me. i have one friend who has a distaste for the game and was in the same boat with me until somewhat recently. to keep it short, they don't like chloe because of all the things she's done throughout the entire game; especially the options where you choose to go against her. i have probably given chloe the benefit of the doubt for years due to my heavy relating to her character... unfortunately.

as you would guess, i consider myself a writer. i do writer things, like stare at a google doc for 30 minutes and wonder when my brain will finally let me get words on there. and because i am many more steps above my younger self in terms of writer brain, chloe's character confuses me to a curiously dog-shaped degree. i am conflicted. yes, her father died and max left her around that time, but would that justify or even make sense how she became the chloe in LiS? on the other hand, it makes sense. i have seen what happened to her happen to someone else. that gradual change, being stuck in the past whereas everyone has moved on, not having a support group, being infinitely lonely, falling into the deepest depths of the crevice of your brain... i understand; more so than the average LiS fan.

(if you're rory, my wife, stop reading from here, please <3 until we finish that watchalong)

i have always chalked chloe up as the sensitive type. she would never admit it, but i've always seen her as someone who is highly reactive to her environment. she took the death of her dad and max's departure disastrously, she was absolutely distraught when rachel was stabbed, she took rachel's death horribly, plus at any sign of "you will die" danger she immediately becomes rigid. i could just be unreactive, but this all seems to be signs of an environmentally sensitive individual—not to mention her general behavior when talking to max about the incident in the BtS DLC! i could just be misremembering that, though, so take that with a grain of salt. one could also interpret her being dependent on max—even before her dad's death—and later rachel. also she?? basically has hallucinations of her dad???? i guess???? why does nobody talk about that wtf

apologies, i went a little bit off-topic. my point in the last two paragraphs is that i am completely on the fence about chloe as a character. she is both liked and hated, and she is supposed to be a character we would be willing to sacrifice an entire town for. for some people, the bay vs bae option was obvious, whether it was because they hated chloe or adored her. here is the horrendous segue because i don't know how to connect this thought and the next.

i began to think: what if i were to rewrite life is strange and before the storm?

i'll give you some information and talking points on what i have currently (minus some bullet points i've omitted because they're not ready for the world) and you will tell me whether i should keep cooking or stop before i burn the building down.

BEFORE THE STORM

// change rachel's situation with her parents. make her justifiably hate her dad and make her go to her biological mother to tell the truth, i don't really get rachel's whole thing about her parents. it hurts to be lied to in general, but rose is the woman that raised you lil bro. i would get it if she were mistreated, but she wasn't. no reason to have the story based around that when it doesn't make sense, so let's switch it up. the easiest way to do this would be to make them abusive. make her think that things would be better if her bio mother stayed and/or if she met up with her (this would turn out wrong when they find out that she is an addict, and does a little bit of #manipulation.) not canon in the games, but making her biological mother a bad person would be very poetic. there could be an episode dedicated to chloe trying to pull rachel away from her bio mother because shes ass tm. and this transitions into my next idea...

// make chloe the "i can fix her" type, the residue of herself from before her father died. hell, make her character a bit different from the LiS 1 chloe! maybe have her be a combination of pre-william death chloe and post-william death chloe. this portion was initially "make it take place a year or two after william's death" but then i realized that it DOES take place approximately two years after. so, i'm changing this point to being "make it take place 6 months to a year after his death" so we can explore her character more. by the end of this, make chloe further traumatized. or at the very least, make all these events impact her so much that she ends up becoming the woman she is in LiS 1... of which some people in-game would describe her as "broken" or "irreversibly damaged" (i wrote this before learning that rachel's dad actually said this about her, by the way! jesus, man.) and make the thing longer than 3 damn episodes.

LIFE IS STRANGE

// make max and chloe parallel chloe and rachel, except their relationship gets less and less problematic as time goes on rachel's relationship with chloe is... certainly something. i don't have any strong opinions on amberprice, but what i DO know is that rachel is chloe's BIGGEST enabler and absolutely contributed to why she's like the way she is. she's like the devil on your shoulder saying "burn down that orphanage" except chloe doesn't have an angel on the other side. the thing that makes max different from chloe in BtS is that she is the "i can help her" type. all for therapy and shit. make them both go to therapy actually. perhaps even have a duo counseling scene where they air things out and finally forgive both themselves and each other. genuinely have no idea why therapy was never seriously included in any LiS game so far considering the kind of shit they go through.

and that is it! thank you for sitting through this hefty wall of text. i am infinitely sorry for yapping, but i'm just an autistic little lesbian who loves these dorky ass weirdos. i will not take any more of your time—this is where the post ends.

i was not eating those beans☹️

[tadpoles-and-daydreams]

An insight into my tarot readings

Alright, I've gotten the green light to talk about my first paid reading! To make it very clear, if you get a reading done by me I will ONLY ever post what I've been told I could share.

In part, I admit; this is shameless self-promo, since I want my readings to go somewhere and that doesn't happen if I don't share my page often and without shame. I'll put the Ko-Fi link at the bottom of this post for those who are interested. However, this is also because I genuinely want to share since this was a cool experience, just as a witch and a tarot reader!

For context: My readings are all typed out and written, because that's where my skills lie; in writing. It's also what I find is the easiest way to communicate with deities, since the feeling of channeling through typing is similar to when I'm writing fiction and some characters just "write themselves."

All that said; This was a reading with Kali for @jessreadsandreads! I feel the need to @ you since this post is literally about your reading. My deity readings come with a little bonus that I should, probably, actually mention more often; I also type out channeled messages from them. Sometimes it's only one or two, sometimes they have something to say for nearly every card.

I always make a point to ask them to join me in my space, all that jazz, and make SURE they are there using the cards. I've never had to tell someone their deity didn't show up, but I still always ask- I'd rather not get "voicemail." Kali's energy in particular felt firm, but quieter than I expected. And as I learned, she is NOT someone to mince her words.

My phone, barely any time into the writing of the interpretation, started blaring an alarm at 3 PM. I didn't even know I had an alarm made for 3 PM, much less set and ready to go off. As I was yelling at it for the fun of it, the term "wake up call" was promptly thrown into my head, and Kali seemed VERY pleased with herself for something so clever. (And kind of amused at my dramatic wailing.)

I am also 90% sure that a few sentences in that reading are more for me than anything, because I felt a wording was way too harsh and was asking "are you SURE YOU WANT ME TO KEEP THAT????" and just generally staring at what I'd just typed in vague distress. Kali eventually continued with a few sentences elaborating on exactly what she meant by that, which was less harsh than how I would have interpreted it. So yeah, just so you know; if you have a deity involved in your reading, I am NOT responsible for what they say, please don't shoot the messenger!

I already feel like this post is too long, so I'll end it with those two little blips; but I feel like I'll start posting little tidbits from my personal readings more often, since sometimes things look a little funnier than you'd expect them to.

And of course, as promised: Here's my Ko-Fi! If you want get a reading done or just support my blog you can head over there. All the details are on there, but if you have any questions about the readings (or about my blog in general) my askbox and DM's are always open!!

[neallo]

Umm what are your meronia divorce headcanons? 😇 Yes I am baiting you into posting those tags you wrote because they were SO CORRECT

HGFDSJFSDFSD <3 <3 <3 GIVING ME AN EXCUSE TO TALK ABOUT THEM AS EXES... BLESS YOU...

Okay. So. BROADLY. Here is how I imagine they break up:

Mello, being literally so fucking bad at understanding Near and also being so bad at being normal in general and ALSO being bad at seeing his own value... I could see him suggesting breaking up as a way to test if Near really cares about him (this is deranged but so is he) and getting DEEPLY hurt when Near is not sobbing screaming crying on the floor pleading for him to stay. IMO Near is actually genuinely gutted in pretty much any situation where they part ways, but he sees that as his problem to deal with. He's not going to attempt to coerce Mello into staying in a relationship that he's (evidently) not happy in. There are. UM. Exceptions to this. But we won't get into that (<- lazy and also IDK if I can do it without spoiling a future story).

The biggest problem here is that even when Mello realizes he's miserable without Near etc etc etc he's wayyyy too proud to actually admit he made a mistake ending their relationship. I do think, however, that he would struggle to long-term stay away from Near fully. His impulse control is pretty bad so, like. Y'know.

I'll, uh. Refrain. From belaboring the point here [<- already plagued empress with the most disorganized thoughts imaginable yesterday about this ghsgjfsfhsdf] but I love the idea of a situation where they're exes because of Mello being chaotic and terrible and then he continues to be chaotic and terrible by starting to sleep with Near on a multiple-times-a-week basis again without actually acknowledging that they're effectively dating.

Like he's not fucking anyone else, he tells people he's not single, but he will NOT ask Near to get back together. He will however take literally one shot of tequila and just leave the bar or party & walk to Near's. "Ohhh I was just in the area" <- he had to walk 30 minutes to get there and climb up three stories of fire escape to do this. And he WOULD walk further if that was what was required.

Near is very nice and pretends like this is normal behavior because IMO he on some level realizes Mello is profoundly dysfunctional and is trying to figure out how he's supposed to deal with the whole thing (but is still in love enough and sufficiently used to Mello's deranged nature to put up with it <3 ).

Bonus points in my mind if this is a college AU or s/t and Near is roommates with Gevanni, who Mello fucking HATES on principle (read: is attractive and in Near's general vicinity, therefore must die). He has only met George (<- intentionally gets Gevanni's name wrong) a handful of times, but he was REALLY annoyed to find out that Gene didn't even know who he was bc CERTAINLY Near would have mentioned him. Gerald should really pay better attention :/ [Near is an undergrad student, Gevanni is a PhD candidate who desperately needed to sublet somewhere cheap and thought he lucked out w/ the most relaxed quiet tidy roommate Ever until this rude blonde guy started showing up and having loud sex with Near 2-3x a week]