#I'd rather just one person see this and get some type of reality check

[nyasialiveshere]

Concerning the exo one direction cold war that is apparently still going on in 2024. With exol allies tagging into the fight

kpop fans pls stop insulting 1d with the passive aggressive group bullying thing, yes harry is now older and wears fashion that's extra and he's an easy target but those who live in glass houses shall not throw rocks--when he was in 1d in their prime he was unproblematic, naturally beautiful, nice, kind and would literally cry for other people if they were crying he's so empathetic and sweet. I would assume all the bad karma that hits kpop every blue moon would inspire some deep thought, y'all faves aren't perfect I promise you. No member of 1d has ever spoken on kpop ever I've only seen them react to stuff if people beg them and it's usually just wow this is good. No bitterness or weirdness. Literally probably don't even think kpo like at all. Yet don't matter what kpop fandom or how old the person I've just seen so many genuinely mean things come from even 'nice' kpop fans about 1d or harry...like they don't know y'all or y'all faves like that for this type of weird disrespect. 'He dresses weird'..................are y'all projecting, like he dresses weird but kpop idols don't?

"It's feminine but not in a way I can sensualize it so I'm gonna make fun of him yet lift up my fave cause they dress seductive"

Maybe learn from the 1d fandom in its old age instead of being mean to them just stay neutral and peaceful you don't know who they might work with in the future..cause everybody can bring up real life stuff but the beef has never been reciprocated by directioners like why y'all still going at it.

People keep saying nobody care about them, they irrelevant...but I see like so many comments about them on kpop spaces almost all negative. The only words should said concerning 1d should be thank you for love shot

and the blueprint of the preppy era of kpop then keep it moving.

I'm just saying like all 1d stuff out in the open, why pick fights with people who are known to dig and investigate til they find something. Luckily most directioners just don't do that anymore. All they care about is the boys that's it..why can't kpop fans do that they always wanna be in the mix..like no y'all don't.. luckily other fandoms haven't been checking you..many have mostly left y'all alone cause they see kpop as innocent but stop picking with people it'll only be your fave to get hurt in the end. Cause rocks are thrown but y'all have hidden hands and identities, why use somebody else's name and face as a profile pic to say you don't like somebody I'm sick of it tbh.

[feuqueerfire]

The Categories of Final Hallucinations

I noticed 2 types of visions that the characters had in the last episode, specifically in regards to Non

Non was front and center and the visions are about him

Phee: He kept continually seeing Non die in different ways, including some which were new and unseen ways. He's grieving Non's death and also feels guilty for what he's said (the "Get lost and die"). Phee was also the only person who understood that these were visions and Non wasn't real. Even in the 2 years later part (which may or may not be real - tbh I'm thinking of it as a continuation of the hallucinations in the courtyard), Phee sees Non walking into the water.

Tee: Non asks Tee to kill him with a knife on the rooftop because he’s so trapped while working for Tee’s uncle. Tee has been feeling guilty about his actions bringing Non into this world and ultimately being unable to get him out of the mess, so this manifests as a horrific way to help Non, though of course he ends up stabbing White in reality :’(

Tan: Non thanks him, then hangs himself, then thanks him again. Tan just wanted to be a good brother and in these hallucinations, after he has avenged Non, he finally is. His last vision is Non thanking him and walking into the light.

Non may or may not be there but it's mostly about their own situations/consequences/fears rather than Non

Fluke: Non is hardly there except at the end, Fluke's mostly being chased by a cop because he's deathly afraid of ruining his reputation and not getting to become a doctor. Aside: I loved that Fluke gouged his own eyes out, the eyes with which he was constantly witnessing the misbehavior against Non (Top breaking the camera, Jin taking the video) but keeping silent about

Top: He was just being chased by Non through the woods, very little depth because we hardly knew anything about him

White: he never knew Non and so his visions are about his relationship with Tee instead

Jin: I don't think Non even appeared in this but I'd have to double check. It was mostly about what if what Jin did to Non happened to Jin himself with him seeing people taking videos of him in compromising situations, including with Keng

For me, Tee's was the most shocking and horrifying because I was expecting death for Tee (especially after episode 11) but there was the vibe that maybe White is the final girl who will survive. Instead, my mouth fell open as soon as I realized what they were hinting at and I lost my mind as the sequence went on. One of the most unpredictable aspects of this whole show for me and it really is tearing me up, esp after ep 11.

Tan's and Phee's are the most tragic. I didn't cry at all during this show but for a second there, during Tan's visions, I became misty-eyed. (also I've been typing Tan as Non and having to correct... I think NewTan would like that tbh)

I think Jin's was the most disappointing to me because although he knows his actions to release that video were wrong and likely feels guilty, I was hoping Non would at least make an appearance? When Jin apologized to Non the day Non disappeared, Non didn't know what he was apologizing for and said Jin didn't have to apologize. I wanted Jin to apologize to Non while admitting to his wrongdoings, even if it's in hallucinations. Instead, it's Jin being paranoid about what he did to Non being done to him.

[Edited because the Tee/White scene did a whole number on me so I got a bit confused about their visions when I first posted this right after watching the ep]

[toujokaname]

Card shuffle / Episode 2

Author: Akira

Characters: Rinne, Tatsumi, Aira, Mayoi

"Why'd you change so much, Rinne-senpai?"

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[ Read on my site for a better viewing experience using Ois~su ♪ ]

Season: Winter

Location: Training Room

Rinne: Anyway, yeah.

For that reason, we've been dragged into this fateful (?) showdown (pfft) between ALKALOID and Crazy:B! Talk about being saddled with a stupid plan!

Honestly, it's a royal pain in the ass to deal with, since it was clearly cooked up by some moron who doesn't know jack about us.

You guys aside, we Crazy:B are still at a disadvantage in ES 'cause of what we did in the summer. We reap what we sow, but still?

Apparently, ES wants to make this Matrix thing into a big event that'll mark the end of their first year of existence—

And we gotta do our best to hype it up, right?

If we disobey, well, you guys may be fine, but we might actually get the boot this time.

Can't say I'm thrilled about caving in to threats, but... Really, what has ES ever done for us?

Did they actually think we'd be all like "oh, yay, we're so pumped to work for ES!" with stars in our eyes? That nonsense's fine in dreams, but they need a reality check already, hm?

Tatsumi: ...You've been harsher than usual for a while now. Rinne-san, do you have any particular thoughts on this plan?

Though it's admittedly a flawed project, I'd consider it an honor to be entrusted with a major event.

Will this, too, be made fun of as a model answer from a goody-two-shoes?

Rinne: Ahh... Well, no need to worry 'bout that.

It's just that, back when I was an idol under my own name, there was a lot going on.

Aira: ...?

Rinne: Anyway, seems like ES is dead set on having ALKALOID and Crazy:B duke it out no matter what.

Tatsumi: Yes... It appears they want to create that kind of wrestling match atmosphere.

Aira: In reality, we're not even on bad terms... I mean, we had some issues in the summer, but honestly, we barely cross paths at work.

Mayoi: Our target audiences are completely different... The so-called issues in the summer largely revolved around aiding Hiiro-san's efforts to stop Rinne-san from going on a rampage.

From a personal standpoint, we harbor no ill will towards Crazy:B.

Aira: Though we're at least aware of each other, since we debuted at the same time.

If anything, Crazy:B's constant blunders make us look better in comparison, so it's kinda handy.

Rinne: Mhm, mhm. But see, that's a problem for ES! They really want us to be archenemies!

And that's when the focus turned to me and Otouto-kun. We're blood-related brothers, each leading Crazy:B and ALKALOID.

"The Amagi brothers have always had a bad relationship, and they formed their units just to spite each other—"

Something like that. Seems they wanna make a scandalous scenario that the public's gonna eat right up.

Aira: Even though you and Hiro-kun actually seem rather close... I mean, for some reason, he weirdly looks up to such a scumbag of an older brother.

Rinne: Oi, oi, don't call me a scumbag. If I'm not the "foul-mouthed character" type, fans might get disappointed.

Aira: Every once in a while, you put on airs of a snobby senior idol...

Anyway, I think I get the gist of it?

ES wants to create a scenario where Hiro-kun and Rinne-senpai are at odds 'cause it fits their script.

Rinne: Right, right. That's why I became ALKALOID's leader this time as part of that scenario.

We'll swap units temporarily to prove ourselves and brag about beating our sibling.

So, for example, what happens if I make ALKALOID more successful than it was when Otouto-kun was leading?

It'd prove I'm better than Otouto-kun, yeah?

That's the kinda thing the fictional Rinne Amagi-kun would say.

ES always wants to play the poor victims being pushed around by that kinda selfish idol, huh? Gyahahahaha! ☆

Even if this plan backfires, ES can still escape responsibility. Maaan, I've gotta hand it to ES, still as shitty as ever ♪

Aira: Such a foul mouth... Yet you're the one telling off others... Isn't that why you're hated and forced into these harassment projects?

Rinne: I keep harping on the same thing over and over, but I'm totally fine being "that kinda character."

Aira: When you first debuted, you were more of a pure, orthodox idol... Why'd you change so much, Rinne-senpai?

Rinne: ......

[ ☆ ]

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[darlingian]

🚑✨Weekly Tag Wednesday🪄💫

Look at me pals. Getting this out on wednesday? You'd think I had my life together or something. Get in bitch, we're going on a mystical adventure through space, time, and reality. (in ian and mickey's ambulance of course) ✨

Name: c h a n i

Zodiac Sign: capricorn.

Personality type in enneagram, myers-briggs, or both: 4w2, and INFP

Before we hit the road, what snack are you gonna bring for our trip? Bubble tea and juicy crispy apples

Navigator gets to pick the music so what song are you turning on? Rather Be by Clean Bandit.

💥 What is a universe from a fantasy tv show you would like to visit? Does Outlander count? Can I just visit 1700s Scotland?

And what about a fantasy movie? Lord of the Rings. Specifically I'd love to visit Gondor (ride some horses with the rohirim), Rivendell and pick up some elf clothes, and relax and smoke longbottom leaf for a few months.

Okay, how about a scifi tv show? Doctor Who. But specifically somewhere fun and alienly beautiful with Eleven and Amy.

And a scifi movie universe? Serenity. I'd love to journey through space with a rag tag crew.

Any other tv show or movie universes you'd like to swing by before we move on? Can I pop in and wander around Narnia for a bit?

Okay hold on to your butts we're switching gears to fanfic universes. Tell me which fanfic universe we're visiting first? Oh gosh. My fave fics are all angsty ian and mickey dramas. Okay how about the All the Young Dudes common room. (iykyk)

Cool, do you have one more you'd like to stop at before we head home? Faffy to check out Mickey's art show. CG to watch MICKMILK youtube videos (great idea deanna)

Alright, on our way out of fanfic land you get to snag some tropes to bring home and apply to your own life, think fast! soulmates or enemies to lovers // coffee shop or flower shop // fake relationship or slow burn // amnesia or time loop // body swap or miscommunication // love triangle or arranged marriage // sharing a bed or drunken confession

Wow okay, hope those tropes work out for you!! Our adventure has finally come to an end, where in the world am I dropping you off? Can I visit Scotland now?

Thank you @deedala for putting together this whole shebang! She also tagged just about everyone under the sun. But if you were hiding in the shadows please take this as a sign to do this and then tag me so i can see!!

[the-90s-music-colosseum]

Writing my thesis for anon about why I think certain bands have unhinged support over others, with a focus on Blur:

First, I think you have to consider that commercial success and fandom are two very different metrics; think of the highest-grossing films in a given year or of all time, or some of the most widely recognized albums, things both your peers and parents know, and then compare that against the biggest fandoms you encounter regularly online. While there may be a small bit of crossover sometimes, I think these are mostly going to be two very different things. If I had to break it down, I think fans will tend to rally more loyally around the following: things that have a personal aspect to them regarding music/lyrics or the band's career path, things that emphasize individual band members as people with their own observable personality as compared to more "silent" but very gifted artists, things that showcase or at least include interpersonal relationships (platonic, familial, or otherwise) worth commenting on, and of course, things that feature physically attractive artists in the first place. I think all of the bands that get a large push of support here, or at least seemingly do regardless of actual poll results, feature most of these traits. While there are bands and artists that I think more people you interview on the street would know or be fans of, at least casually, they don't all translate to the type of "fandom" that you encounter in online spaces like Tumblr.

As for Blur, I'd say they check every one of the boxes, and they have the additional background of a very publicized feud with another band (Blur v Oasis) which naturally draws on people's attraction to "grouping" with others for the thrill of competition and the community feeling of being "on a side" (I mean, we are all getting invested in a competition bracket here!), and at least two members are regarded by the larger music community as being geniuses at their craft (regardless of if their years in this specific band reflected everything they were capable of/would go on to do) so fans want to see them recognized in music fandom spaces by their own peers. They have the extra-extra special benefit of having a rather dramatic breakup story and a rather heartwarming reunion story, which-- although of course they are real people with real lives, not characters in a movie-- gives fans a sense of "narrative fulfillment" to the "story" of Blur. I'm not saying that to distance them from reality, but just being, er, more analytical about why I think Blur has had sort of a second wave of fandom over the years and why fans might get more attached even if they don't think of it that way. I think some have a tendency to kneejerk-react negatively to saying something like that in a "fictionalizing" way, but in truth I think we like to see bands and artists overcome obstacles and have touching victories, and we do respond to the general sense of there being a "story" to their career. Also, while I understand the anon from ages ago saying Gorillaz isn't relevant to whether Blur is a good band or not, it is more broadly relevant in the sense that Damon is the core of both, and fans of one will often become fans of the other, at least in some way: those who liked Blur first will follow Damon through his diverse musical journey and appreciate how he gained more respect over time, and those who liked Gorillaz first will work backwards and appreciate how much Blur evolved and where one can pinpoint Damon's earlier experimentalism. (And how pretty Damon was in the 90s, since Gorillaz does not make Damon's face part of the image, so his physical person is more of "a part of Blur.") So no, it's not really fair to say Blur is a better band because you like Gorillaz, but I think it is fair to say you are more interested in Blur and more open to it because you enjoy Damon's career, and you might not have that connection to other Britpop bands. Blur also sort of encompasses two ends of a spectrum regarding the genre, as they were one of the most quintessential Britpop bands (one of maybe two that no one will try to argue with you ISN'T Britpop because they view the label as a bit of an insult) but they also fully diverged into experimental artsy music and American-influenced alternative at the right times, which is why some of those albums still have an audience with listeners who don't like Britpop.

long version (see the next ask for short version)

[bloodiedrogue]

you might refuse to answer my anon message but i'd rather communicate that way for my own safety bc your kind of people tend to send people 💀 threats when they feel the need to get defensive or when they have nothing else to say so they sink to that level of insults. i didn't insult your friend, all i told her was to stop complaining (not getting interaction) over something she willingly chose to do (write fics). if that is insulting to her then she really needs to outgrow that child mentality and entitlement. maybe it stems from something else but idc. i wasn't talking about anything other than her complaining over not getting a round of applause for subpar writing. once again, good day. 💋

oh my god, so sorry my fucking liege for sleeping instead of responding to your message right away. jesus christ.

first, i'd like to preface this message by saying i will never be the kind of person to stoop to the level of death threats. no one deserves that. however, i will stoop to the level of arguing with a faceless entity because some people like yourself deserve a good ol' reality check on how the internet works, and how sending shit like this can be harmful to one's mental health.

because you claim this isn't about mental health. it's about entitlement, which babes, is all i see coming out of your mouth. like, yes, you're a writer like all of us and oh my god, yes, unlike you i don't ask for comments or reblogs! wow, good for you! at least one time in your life you've known when to shut the fuck up!

so why can't you practice that in this situation? why can't you, instead of coming for other writers and acting all high and mighty and tearing them down, can't you just shut the fuck up and stay in your line? or better yet, if you do decide to swerve into oncoming traffic why can't you identify yourself? why can't you put a username to face so that we can see who the absolutely shitstain who's sending all this hate is?

it's because you're a coward, and a very entitled one at that because you think your opinion should matter. that, they way someone produces and interacts with their own content should suddenly be about you and how you feel.

WELL, FYI IT DOESN'T. people can do whatever the fuck they want which means, yes, obviously you can come into people's inboxes and say whatever you want with little consequence. you can pick and choose who to bully because that's your prerogative. 

however, that doesn't excuse your behaviour. that doesn't excuse the fact that the language you use in your posts is harmful and gross. that doesn't excuse the amount of damage you do when you jump on anon and write the absolute filth to these people who, most likely, use tumblr as an escape.

because half the shit you say doesn't make sense. to quote something, if i may (and i will, this is my tumblr and i curate my own experience -take note)

if she truly wants a standing ovation for basic ass fics, perhaps she should become a real author and actually have fans who give a damn about her work and will praise her for it.

ah yes, the ol' become an author like it's easy. do you understand how stupid you sound telling someone their writing "sucks" and then telling them to write a book in the same sentence? do you know how hard it is to write a book? to just lay down a couple thousand works and gain a fandom? it's not fucking easy. and for you to just be so blase about it is ridiculous because this is exactly what authors like us (not you, you special little snowflake) are talking about when we "beg" and "plead" for interaction.

you may be fine being this writer who's silent about when and how they get activity but some people just aren't. some people need to have that sense of community. to have comments and reblogs and to gain that feeling that they've made something special. we all feel that way from time to time when we post a fic. we crave the praise at least a little bit because we've literally created something! we've sat down and typed and made this cool thing, so why wouldn't we want to hear about it? why wouldn't we want someone to stumble upon it and say "wow good job!"

so for you to come into people's spaces and judge how it is they're asking for the bare minimum that's deserved of creators is selfish. because it literally has nothing to do with you.

and i know you probably don't give a shit. obviously you're just going to read this message and laugh and pick apart how wrong i am to develop a counter argument. it's what everyone fucking does when they think they're in the right.

so, i'll just end this by saying i'm here if you ever need to talk, but only off anon.

[villain-in-love]

Sorry this ask took a while to send, I've been busy deep cleaning the last few days! But in your other post you mentioned Monster High and Ever After High OCs/Self Inserts. I don't want to pressure you if you don'y want to ofc, but if you're comfortable with sharing them.. I'd love to know more about them!!

I don't know much about Ever After High myself. I watched a few webisodes on Youtube some time ago and then dropped it. But I've been thinking about picking it back up again because I love the fairytale setting. Plus the dolls look very cool design-wise! I think out of the character I've seen so far, Madeline might be my favourite :3

Also, do you perhaps collect any other doll lines? I also enjoy Living Dead Dolls, Bleeding Edge, Little Apple Dolls, ect. If you enjoy the gothic/alternative style of Monster High, I'd definetly recommend them!! Some of them are bit more gorey - but theres plenty of interesting characters.

Ever After High is a great doll line as well as a show with immaculate aesthetic and interesting concept. Personally, I still prefer Monster High over it, but I've seen people favour Ever After High because it has a serious main conflict that can be analysed on a deeper level. A lot of people tend to simplify the message to "rebels good, royals bad", but in reality, while rebels do end up being in the right, position of royals does make sense, their concerns are understandable and hold a certain weight, at the very least because the entire situation the characters are in is rather complicated.

Honestly, if we look behind the bright and pastel coloured fairy tale aesthetic, the way fairy tale society functions is borderline dystopian…

Anyways, I think I have more OCs here because with the whole premise of following or rejecting one's destiny as well as having characters represent different fairy tales, naturally, lot of ideas appear. And so my OCs are often just me playing with the possibilities of what kind relationship with their fairy tale roles different characters might have.

While she’s not my personal favourite, I respect everyone who likes Madeline, she’s pretty cool (I especially like her Legacy Day doll which is visibly inspired by Victorian fashion) Unfortunately, she often get reduced to a comic relief, but I believe she had much more to her character in books by Shannon Hale, which I didn't have a chance to read yet, but I’m planning on doing so.

By the way, I checked out the doll brands you listed, and turns out I already knew some of them. However, while I don’t mind gore, those are not exactly the type of dolls I’m interested in (mostly I just dislike child-like proportions). (Living Dead Dolls look pretty neat though) I guess I liked Monster High as fashion dolls specifically, and very elegant, elaborate and well-thought-out ones at that.

Aside from Monster High and Ever After High, I used to like Bratzillas. I know that some might say that they are just a Monster High rip-off, but even if they were heavily inspired by it, they were still good (well, I was simply excited to see another gothic fashion doll line). I’m still upset that the franchise was so short-lived and I wish I bought more of their dolls. At some point Once Upon a Zombie piqued my interest, but I got quickly disappointed in doll and animation quality.

Also I wanted to comment on your OCs, because I actually like your character ideas. I adore the pun that is Manita’s name, especially since it’s both a good joke and sounds similar to "manticore". I overall have a soft spot for characters that are man-eaters both figuratively and literally. Octavia is extremely cute, I think she’s my favourite here, and I would totally root for her and Twyla’s relationship if they were in a show together. Levi looks like an entertaining type of character, I wish I could see him (them?) in action.

I kinda want to bother you a bit more and ask about what kind of fashion styles your characters prefer wearing and what would be written in their “freaky flaw” part of the bio, but that’s up to you if you want to continue the conversation about OCs.

Anyways, going to my OCs. I must warn you, there's a whole lot of information. I feel kinda bad for not drawing them myself and using character makers to represent them instead, but depression is a bitch and so this is the best I can do currently.

So here are the character design concepts plus some notes I have about them:

Starting with my only Monster High OC who is also a self-insert. I still don't have a name for her, since I want it to be a pun like most of Monster High names are but I have no good ideas yet.

Heavily inspired by the song Necromancin Dancin by Bear Ghost.

She's a necromancer who was born in the middle of the 19th century and died young. However, in my lore necromancers themselves are undead as well and only “awaken” after their own death. And so the first dead body they learn to control is their own.

She actually started out as a villainous character who exploited other undead students using her powers, either to harm or to manipulate.

She has issues, okay? On the inside she’s just a cynical and hostile sociophobe with a “better be a bully than the one bullied” mindset, convinced that there’s no point in trying to make friends since everyone would hate her anyway.

Ends up going through a character development and redemption arc thanks to the power of friendship and acceptance because it’s Monster High we’re talking about.

She seems very cool and confident when she’s being mean, but she’s so painfully awkward when put in a friendly environment. She doesn’t know how to be nice, she’s afraid of making a wrong move and ruining everything again.

Has a good sense of humour, but it’s dark and sometimes downright rude or offensive, which often puts her in uncomfortable situations.

She’s adopted since her parents were regular humans and she long since outlived them. After their death another necromancer – who was her mentor – took her in.

Now this is Ekaterina Bayun, the daughter of the one and only Bayun Cat. She was sent to Ever After High to better get ready for taking her father's role, since she's the first ever person to replace the original Bayun Cat. Because her father is immortal, she's didn't have to do it and it was entirely her own decision, which made her somewhat famous in school, being that she’s the only fairy tale character’s descendant who was actually given a choice.

While Ekaterina counts as a "royal" simply by the virtue of choosing to take her parent's role in their fairy tale, her view on the royal vs rebel conflict is rather neutral. And if you ask her opinion, she thinks that humans of their world would benefit more from rebel’s movement than they would if everything stayed the same as it always was.

She's actually a big monstrous cat who is capable of transforming into a human-like form. She spends half of the time in her cat form and assumes human appearance when it’s more convenient.

Ekaterina takes villain classes since, while she’s not The Villain TM, she’s classified as a beast that usually antagonises heroes. Also she literally kills and feasts on human flesh and it kind of automatically puts her into “evil” category.

Very chill, very lazy, prone to sarcasm and snide remarks. Like every cat, Ekaterina subconsciously thinks of herself as superior to everyone else and doesn’t like following any rules she disagrees with.

She’s a great storyteller and a singer with low and slightly gravelly, but very attractive voice. However, she has to be careful with it as to not accidentally put the entire school to an endless sleep.

Ekaterina has got a creative streak and is pretty intelligent, so she’s also good at making up her own stories. Her favourite school subject is creative storytelling.

She couldn't care less about human etiquette or morality. She's nosy and impudent, and has a habit of wandering into places where she shouldn't be.

Mstislava The Wise – daughter of Vasilisa the Wise from “The Sea Tsar and Vasilisa the Wise”. Headstrong and prideful, she never wanted to accept the role of her mother, which is why her family sent her to Ever After High in hopes that she will be put in her place here and stop rebelling. But boy, if that wasn't the miscalculation of the century.

Mstislava is a hardcore russian woman – she will walk into the house on fire and stop the horse running at full gallop, looking fabulous while doing so. She’s talented and intelligent, and absolutely refuses to become an obedient and loving wife of some Ivan Tsarevich who will sit on his ass while she does all the work in their story, only to be denied credit later.

Just like all women of her bloodline, Mstislava is a powerful sorceress. She's a master of transfiguration who is closely connected to the forces of nature, plus she possesses an impressive collection of enchanted items. She's also implied to be not quite human.

She doesn’t actually hate being a princess, and she would love to become a queen, but she's willing to sacrifice her royal status for the sake of her freedom of choice... or just for the sake of making a point.

She threatens her family with magic or refusing to go home if they don't accept her wanting to write her own destiny. She either gets to become the queen on her own terms, of she will run away and become a wicked forest witch.

Despite how serious and intense she appears, Mstislava does have a mischievous side and sometimes uses her magic powers to play tricks on people.

Mstislava is good at poetry, but unlike what is expected of a princess, she’s a terrible musician. (And so Ekaterina proceeded to teach her how to rap to pass the Muse-ic class…)

She's hard-working, but she's also a night owl, so you can catch her angrily banging at the door where the party is going at night, complaining that they're disturbing her while she's trying to study.

She's actually Baba Yaga's distant relative, and Mstislava considers Yaga to be her role model.

Meowriel Savatier – daughter of the Puss in Boots. She's a natural born hero and a royal who is very excited about fulfilling her destiny, especially since her destiny is to be with and help her best friend Marquise de Carabas (she's in love with her but doesn't fully realize it yet).

She’s technically considered to be Marquise’s lady-in-waiting, but it’s not as obvious since they both treat each other as friends and equals, with Marquise being especially considerate, even though Meowriel herself still goes out of her way to please her.

She doesn't have many close people, but she's an incredibly loyal friend, even to the point of selflessness.

Meowriel is bold, energetic, and resourceful. She seems to be in high spirits all the time, having a plan for any occasion and never giving up.

She's an incredibly persuasive and charming opportunist.

She takes hero classes and is the best in the Dragon Slaying class, where she uses cunning tactics to succeed instead of trying to rely on brute force.

She's an example of a royal who is actually selfish. She genuinely wants to fulfil her destiny which will give her and her beloved Marquise a happy ending, while the rest of the royals and rebels can rip each other to pieces for all she cares.

She doesn't mind rebels, but only as long as it doesn't affect her own story. However, if someone in her story tries to rebel, she's willing to force them back into their role by trickery and manipulation.

Because every character cast needs a cheerful French with a bob cut and a sinister side.

Once I actually get to drawing her myself, I hope to make the design of her boots much more elaborate, since they are her character's signature piece.

Marquise de Carabas – daughter of the miller's youngest son from the story of the "Puss in Boots". Marquise wants to be an active character in her story and she's worried about her best friend having to do all the work for her. She feels that it's unfair that she doesn't have to do anything while Meowriel alone ensures their happy ending.

She's a bit spoiled, but I wouldn't say that she's entitled. More like she's not used to hard work and discomfort, all her life she didn't even have to lift a finger or deal with serious problems herself.

She loves art in all of its forms, so she wishes to keep living an easy and lavish lifestyle so that she could dedicate her time and effort to it.

She's not particularly skilled at writing, drawing, or singing but she doesn't let it stop her. She's got a good sense of aesthetic and yet unexplored theatrical talent. Also she's a great violinist.

She considers the possibility of rebelling, while she secretly tries to find the way to prevent her story from even starting. Just like in the case of Ashlynn Ella, Marquise is destined to lose her royal status and fall into poverty for her story to begin, and in the end she’s going to have to marry to become a princess again.

She has serious issues with having to marry a "designated" person as a part of her destiny, especially since she still didn’t even have a chance to meet them. She’s the type who can only fall in love with someone she already shares a deep bond that lasted for years, and there's exactly one person like this in her life...

However, seeing how excited Meowriel is about following her destiny, Marquise wonders if she should just give in to make her friend happy. After all, in their story they will stay together for ever after anyways, so it shouldn’t be that bad..?

Maybe it's because she's so observant, but Marquise can easily spot acting or lies. Bad acting irritates her.

She doesn't fully trust anyone except Meowriel because she's the only one who is always honest with her.

By the way, I'm still only figuring out her character, since she was recently revamped in design and I started over with her personality. I'm also currently thinking about possibly changing her name.

Hua Li Ming – daughter of Hua Mulan, raised both as a capable warrior and a perfect lady. She's torn between wanting to honour her family, both like her story and fairy tale society tells her, and being absolutely terrified of having to bear such responsibility and spend 12 years at war.

She's noble and prideful, so on one hand she considers it a honour to become the next Mulan. On the other hand, she hates herself for being reasonably scared and unwilling to fulfil her destiny.

I imagine it will get revealed when Darling Charming tells her that she's lucky for getting to be a warrior instead of a damsel in distress, causing Li Ming to snap and go into a full-blown "you know nothing" tirade.

Actually has to deal with the pressure of being both a soldier and a lady. It's not like she was given an opportunity to choose one or even reject both.

She's a royal who desperately wants to rebel but still can’t let go of the thought that it's somehow beneath her.

Everyone around her constantly going on about how she would make a perfect Mulan doesn’t help.

Soft-spoken but firm, knows her own worth.

Known for being well-mannered and highly disciplined, Li Ming is a pleasure to work with and is considered to be a great company.

This showcases her level of self-control, and unfortunately it also means that she’s used to repressing her feelings, especially negative ones, which doesn’t do her any good.

Does meticulous work like weaving and sewing to calm herself and sort out her thoughts.

Li Ming studied combat and the art of war ever since her childhood. She likes it all in theory, but she'd rather not have to use it.

Instead of serving her country as a soldier, she wishes she could prevent the war before it even starts.

Character makers used:

The first one

The one that is made in Ever After High style

The third one is Anime Avatar Maker found on Google Play

[dorefasolsido]

40.

Do you ever wonder how Atheist people raise their kids?

I mean, just normal? I was raised by an atheist and an agnostic, I guess the only difference is that they never really taught me about religion whatsoever, so when I was asked in school which faith I identify with, I had no idea what to say. But they never told me I can't read the Bible if I wanted to (only read part of the kids' one tho), and we still celebrated Christmas and Easter like everyone else. Tbh, hearing about some people's experiences with growing up in religious households, I'm glad mine wasn't like that.

If you’re atheist, would you raise you kids believing in God or not?

I'm more of an agnostic, but if I ever had kids (which I don't want to), I'd raise them like my parents raised me. They can explore on their own, I can answer some questions, and that's it. I won't push anything onto them, especially not something I don't really believe in either.

How long does it usually take you to finish answering a survey?

Depends, I'm done with some in ten minutes, others in half an hour or more.

Do you spell it gray or grey?

Usually grey, but depends if I'm using American or British spelling.

If you make surveys, how do you decide about its title?

I don't.

When are you going back to school?

I'm done with school.

If you don’t go to school anymore, what do you do?

I work, attend German classes, deal with the crushing reality of everyday existence. As everyone else.

Do you care about other people’s status messages?

Hmmm where? I can only check those now on WhatsApp, and yes, I do that. I'm too nosey not to.

Do you like reading self help books?

Nah, it's just not for me.

What is your opinion on sex change?

Those who want it should go for it, I'm glad such options exist for trans people.

Do you think that this will take away the essence of gay pride?

I have no clue what this means, tbh, but the answer is probably no.

What do you do when you tell a really bad joke?

I laugh at myself and give myself a highfive while others all sigh and groan.

If you’re still a virgin, how important is your virginity to you?

It's not important and I think the whole concept and discussion around it is stupid. Like, I'd just get rid of that whole idea entirely. It seriously fucked with my head when a gynecologist reacted like I'm some mythical creature just because I'm over 20 and have never had sex with a man. I'm still dealing with that shame sometimes, and I'm not even attracted to men like that.

If you have lost it already, do you regret it?

As I said, it doesn't mean anything to me, so no, I wouldn't regret it. But tbh, I can't see myself in that situation, being ace and all.

Do you believe in marriage? Why or why not?

Well I mean sure, but I don't personally see that much of a point. I guess there are financial benefits and so on, but ehhh, I don't know.

Do you like having a huge group of friends or would you rather have few close friends?

A few close friends.

Do you have any goals for this summer? If so, what are they?

Summer is far away, but I'd like to travel somewhere, I guess.

Or do you plan on getting a summer job? Or do you already have one?

I have a job--not just a summer one.

If so, where do you work and what do you do?

Content writing and translating.

Do you watch the TV Show Skins? If so, who’s your favorite character?

I don't.

And which generation do you prefer? Or do you equally love both?

Refer to the above.

Do you know someone who still typpe thiszz wayy?

Has anyone ever typed that way?

Would you take a break after graduating from high school (like, postpone going to college for a year or so)?

Well I didn't--it's not exactly a common thing to do here, but I think it's not bad. Like, if you can afford it, why not travel a bit before college?

Do you feel tired after stretching?

Not normally.

Can you get a strike at bowling?

I did a few times. Beginner's luck!

Do you use Facebook? If so, what is your favorite application there?

I don't use it anymore.

It seems like everyone’s addicted to Twitter these days - are you?

Nope. I'm barely ever on there.

[maroonghoul]

Ranking of all the Christmas Horror Movies I’ve seen (as of 2023)

Updated for some new movies I watched this year:

36.Alien Raiders

35.Anna & the Apocalypse

34.Better Watch Out

33.Good Tidings

32.The Wolf of Snow Hollow

31.Jack Frost

30.I Trapped the Devil And this is why you never do surprise visits. Either that or call ahead and touch base long beforehand. It was a bit interesting that the ambiguity of whether it was actually anything supernatural went out sooner then I expected. Then again, if the devil can't keep lying to you, messing with your head would be his plan B. Of course, that means this had to be 90% atmosphere. How much you want to bet he could've easily left the whole time; this was just more fun?

29.Slay Belles

28.P2 Actually a bit similar to Better Watch Out, and while that one looks better visually, I rank this one higher because I believed this villain felt a little more like a real person. Lately, villains that are both masterminds and immature man-children disinterest me, because I can't reconcile those two traits in my head these days. I have a easier time if it's one or the other. Plus, maybe the grungier surrounding felt more appropriate because a too whimsical approach to this "Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them" just rubs the wrong way.

That being said, yeah this location loses some of it's scare factor when it becomes monotonous and hard to navigate. I would've appreciate just a little more variety in the locations used I guess. The use of music is nice at least. Also appreciated how bloody the kills are.

27.The Advent Calendar While the gimmick itself seems to be the only link, I liked the idea of tying "Be careful what you wished for" horror stories to Christmas. Blame George Bailey.

That being said, there's an argument that the conceit of the main character is rather ableist. I can roll with it this time since her previous job and passion, dancing, heavily depended on having working legs, so it's easier to buy. For once, I'd like more disabled characters whose job and hobbies DON'T require it and so can visibly cope. It's getting frustrating.

I did love how open ended they left it. Sometimes, there being a choice at all is more important for a story then what the characters actually chose. Kinda don't want a sequel because of it.

26.Cronos To be honest, this would've actually ranked much higher if it used more iconography. Hell, it becomes New Years halfway through. I get why it's invoked though. It's interesting to go back to the start of Del Toro's career, with one of the most unique vampire movies I've ever seen.

In most body horror set ups like this, Gris would become the main threat, instead of remaining the victim pretty much throughout. I don't think he even kills anyone for their blood.

Vampires are at their most interesting, as a concept and as characters, when they're always in control of their choices, good and bad. Otherwise, why not pick zombies or werewolves?

It's pretty amazing that right out the gate, Del Toro took arguably the most popular monster type of all time, and likened it to a gentle grandparent. Great tone setter for his whole filmography, in hindsight.

25.All the Creatures were Stirring

24.Sint

23.The Lodge

22.Black Christmas (2019)

21.Body

20.Red Snow Yet another Vampire Christmas movie. This time, with a reality check that most of them would be arseholes. Not necessarily wild beasts. That would almost be an improvement.

The movie also keeps you guessing over what side Luke would fall to in the end. Given the way the actor plays it like even he doesn't seem to know is a good touch. And his feedback on the book's characters; snipes at the tropes or his own insecurity? You tell me.

Poor Olivia thought she was getting her own version of Twilight, and instead got Blade by way of Fargo. That sentence is utter nonsense without the context. I would say I want to see a show or movie like that, but I could probably get that fix by just catching up on What We Do in The Shadows. Not that this is anything like that though.

Remember, vampires aren't evil because they're not human at all. They're evil because they kept the worst parts of being human.

19.Pooka Went in thinking tis would be an update of Christmas Evil, but it's more like a Xmas-themed Angel Heart. An obvious commentary on how soul draining working heavily in consumerism can be, masking how bad and traumatized people can do mental gymnastics to avoid the hard truth about their mistakes. Literally, the worst possible Christmas I've seen that didn't have a typical killer. Of course, that twist ending reminds me of...

18.Dead End

17.Black Friday (2021) Also works as a Thanksgiving movie. Anyone's whose worked in a place that affected by Black Friday or Christmas shopping in general FEELS this movie in their bones. Even before the zombies show up. This is why I stay indoors or at work during these days. Sure, the titular day means less and less every year, but let's continue the trend.

16.Silent Night (2012)

15.It's a Wonderful Knife Remake a holiday classic, but make George Bailey a lesbian and Mr. Potter a low rent Trump (Oh god, is that saying a lot!) that gets so fed up that he goes on a killing spree dressed in what would happen if Ghostface bleached his entire costume? Sure, why not. Give the killer Santas a break. And you get to kill him twice.

Although, that third act superpower makes absolutely no sense. I get that it's meant to secure a few plot points together, but...just no. Seriously, where did it even come from? Also, even though how the love interest remembers it is making my head spin. Not how she remembers, but if she remembers both timelines. What problems would come if she only remembers one? And Joel McHale is way too good playing a prick then as a loving dad, I'm sorry. Community has ruined me for him.

Like the subtext of it all though. The messaging, I mean. Y'know given the fiasco going on lately behind the scenes with Scream VII, maybe I'll just pretend this is the real Scream VII. We'll see.

14.Wind Chill

13.Christmas Bloody Christmas

12.Santa's Slay

11.The Children

10.Rare Exports

9.A Christmas Horror Story

8.Day of the Beast Was this meant as a parody of every catholic horror movie released the past 30 years before it? It skewered them good! Pleas tell me the antichrist was fake in this and what we had was one of the insane yet friendliest rampages committed to film! It even has a Peter Vincent clone that keeps getting worse and worse things happening to him! I'd just preferred it was more visibly blasphemous.

7.Deadly Games

6.Silent Night (2021) Surprised? Maybe it's here because I over thought how the significance of the holiday tied in with the apocalypse in this movie. I'm sure if you went back far enough in history, hundreds or thousands of years ago, anytime winter rolled around seemed apocalyptic to people. Of course, mostly to the lower classes. And now with a hypothetical scenario that can feel as bad as those times must have felt, rather then actually tough it out or try to learn from, the government and the upper class jump to take the cowards way out. A little Poe, isn't it?

Cue one of the more depressing then maybe hopeful endings to one of these movies. (Depends to how you react to the very last shot and believe about the plot point concerning the homeless and immigrants)

5.Christmas Evil

4.Krampus

3.Scrooged

2.Black Christmas (1974)

1.Gremlins

[lexpressobean]

I've been thinking about these 3 alot...

... and how much they seem to really respect Shino. I know it's a filler, but, like... Why does it seem like Shino has a knack for finding children who have wondered off away from school? Like, he's just taking a walk, making his way around the village or surrounding forest, and then there they are. Kids playing hooky or some shit. And Shino just takes it upon himself to approach them and steer them back to where they should be, while getting them attached to him somehow in the process??

But honestly. If this was just one of many times this had happened, I'd say Shino does this not out of his knack for teaching or having a way with kids. Rather, he developed a way with kids and easily applies that to his teaching because he has a strong desire to simply protect children. And it's not even from some paternal instinct as much as survival, because I think it stems from the developing trauma of losing Torune to Danzo. And I don't think it's all subconscious either.

Like I know the novel and anime frames his desicion to teach as a sort of a new goal in life as the war has ended for a couple years already and a noticable Peace has been achieved by the Blank Period and well... He's an Aburame.

Like, the Aburame are literal living, breathing, walking bioweapons. With no fight to utilize that, what else is there? Well, much like the Nara have the Nara forest and Pharmacology specifically, The Aburame most likely have a historical stake in the area of Konoha, perhaps it was simply in their Ancestral Home. Idk, but they're here to stay, they ain't budging. They're Clan Culture is very Martial and I'd argue Spartan in nature, but otherwise, they do other things too. I think they'd do well as major players in the conservation and research of native species of animals and plants, but definitely insects too. I bet they play a huge part in the general area's ecosystem, especially due to the fact that the Kamizuru clan attacked with a whole clan's worth of non-native Hymenoptera that could very well have become and still are an irritatingly and consistent problem as invasive species tend to be. And as a far as goods go, why not put some of them to use and handle an apiary? Honey is a great good to sell. All of this is great as a clan that no longer needs to fight. But, what about individual members in general, and so Shino?

Well Shino is the Heir of this clan. This Noble Clan. This "ready to throw hands at any moment" clan. It's future is in his hands, so to speak. So I doubt Shino would completely sever his connection to Shinobi life all together. And so, teaching at the Academy would be a great way to keep that connection. Teachers have to know their stuff, after all.

But what if in order to ensure teaching was his calling, Shino did his absolute best to make Jounin ASAP so he could take on a Genin Team. And. And by chance, it ended up being these three?? And they are absolutely STOKED!!! And they also pass Shino's genin test, which... would probably be a feat in it's own right. But they already know Shino, and Shino has bestowed upon them some wisdom they actually took to heart! Yeah, well, in reality they might be just a tad too old to be Shino's first official genin squad, but they were still his squad one point in a sense, right?

Kon Nohara, Tano Ikemoto, and Aoki Kobayashi

I even gave them names help Imagine these three are already chuunin at least and decide they want to pay Shino a visit and even volunteer to help Shino during class time on a collective day off because they admire him so much (T~T)

But even then if not these three kiddos, maybe these three li'l shits lol

Even in times of Peace, Shino's special set of skills seem too useful to waste, and being a Jounin teacher would definitely have been a way he could still go on missions, but also definitely commit to becoming a Sensei at the academy once he was 100% sure and got older. Kurenai became a Jounin/Genin Squad Leader in her late twenties, but in comparison I see Shino doing that more mid-20s. (He needs some time to travel and find his big bug friend and generally live a little?)

Kurenai was a Genjutsu Specialist who manned a Tracker/Sensing based team. This sounds like it was a highly beneficial combination, even if she ended up being somewhat sadistic lol. Asuma was bound to Team 10 by Tradition as InoShikaCho and Sarutobi have that Pact together. Kakashi's team was literally Cherry Picked for him specifically by the 3rd Hokage. And Gai, a Taijutsu Specialist, had a team that Specialized in Taijutsu and Physical Offense.

Of all four teams, Kurenai and Gai were very suited to their teams, Gai in a complimentary way and Kurenai in a Challenging way. In that same vein, I think Shino would imitate Gai. Shino as a Shinobi himself has a general set of skills, but the way he goes about them are very niche. But, he was always very stealthy, and could sneak up on nearly anyone. Gags aside, he could go unnoticed as long as he wanted too, and by the time he was noticed or was ready to attack, he has you quite literally surrounded. Honestly I can see why Search and Destroy would be an Aburame's forte, but when there's no need, a person with a personal skill of high quality stealth could probably man a team with an emphasis on Reconnaissance and/or Surveillance, even Bodyguarding. I feel like Shino would probably put an emphasis on Stealth and Tracking too, utilizing his insects as sort of assistants that keep tabs on his students (Stealth Test) as well as to encourage just enough fear during too much down time in his students to inspire quality training opportunities, so maybe Kurenai rubbed off on Shino more than they all realized haha

(Plus I'm sure his students would be be smart and thoughtful enough to eventually understand what Shino and his bugs are: a complete unit. They realize just how strong and dedicated Sensei really is to be the way he is, and they all learn more in depth about Kikaichu and it's like WOW SENSEI YOU REALLY ARE RISKING BEING EATEN ALIVE EVERY SINGLE DAY, AREN'T YOU? But he's still here, because THAT'S how strong he's become over the years and the confidence to manipulate the Kikaichu while having to think of current chakra level, the most efficient use at any given time, how many he actually needs, how long usage will last, ect. They are high maintenance, man!)

Shino would no doubt produce highly skilled Bodyguards and Masters of Stealth. Maybe the type that would end up being in high demand for the eventual Celebrities that start to pop up as times change, but still very much needed when it comes to Criminal Activity, like in Sora-Ku?

But as time passes and he decided to teach at the Academy, he'd feel very at ease to do so. He'd be happy to be put in charge of all these children, because he would be able to help teach them things they need to know to defend themselves and others in a world where adults like Danzo had and will continue to exist. Maybe while he's at it, he'd use his stance as a Noble Clan Heir and accomplished Shinobi to push for changes in government with Sai's help and with Naruto and Shikamaru's cooperation? Like, the truth does come out, everyone on the Council were actually horrible and had too much power. So HERE are some ideas and REASONS why these ideas should be implemented because Shino's not going to let his brother's life and death be in vain!? HELL no, we WILL make some changes around here. Shino sees his students and just wants a future where no kid ever has to live in fear of being completely taken advantage of by the very system that was supposed to keep them safe and they pledged allegiance to.

I cannot help but think of the quiet but absolute fear little Shino was harboring for the years to come after Torune was taken by that strange man and Father Shibi didn't even attempt to stop him. His own father didn't dare beat the shit out of this strange man who came looking for him, and the only solution for Shino to stay was for Torune to make himself look more desirable as an asset and be taken instead. I bet there was a lot of misplaced resentment there for a while, and talks that just didn't happen. Maybe a classmate doesn't show up to class one day and Shino is IMMEDIATELY stressed out and just... takes it upon himself to look for them after class. And he's relieved when he see they're simply at home with a fever. Shit like that just fucks with Shino, because theres people taking kids and no one is doing anything about it?? And then as Shino grew older he realized exactly what happened and how slimy the machine of Konoha really is and it was never completely Shibi's fault that Torune had to leave. He grows mentally at a faster rate than most of his classmates, and knows more than a kid really needs to know.

Shino doesn't want that for any other child. Shino is the kind of person who hears kids screaming outside of his house and he can't tell if they're playing or being murdered and it's stressful to the point he'll check through his window and he sees them for himself. He get stressed out seeing a kid in public unattended and WANTS to approach them to help if need be but also maybe he's overthinking it and the parents are there somewhere and he'd just end up looking suspicious. Like, that's what I kind of figure for Shino. He's so hyperaware of the power dynamic between kids and adults and seeing a kid so ready to fall victim to that makes Shino feel ill the more he thinks of what could happen. And he wonders if watching the kid in the market until they finally reunite with their parent so he could move on with the rest of his day causes him even a fraction of the the utterly disgusting flurry of nerves and fear that Shibi must have felt all those years ago. It goes along with his desire to spare every single little insect's life he can. It goes a long with the fact he only gets violent unless absolutely necessary. Like he wants to be strong but he doesn't want to go mad with power either, less he becomes the very thing that hurt him and his family in the first place.

Originally Shino wanted to become strong to be able to defend himself because at a very young age adults failed him and Torune. But then that changes to defend not only himself, but others as he grows on a team, and realizes trust is important. And then he figured if there must be adults out there that would hurt a child, it's only logical that he should become one that would only nurture and teach one to be strong as well.

Anyway, yeah. Had some feelings. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

[mypunkpansexualtwin]

hi logan ! i’m a lil late for the ttrpg meme but 39 - 42 for thaavia pls ??

Sam. Sam I love you, don't worry about being late, the timing on this was perfect, I was having... not a great night and this definitely helped.

Under a cut cause this got beefy. And anyone who wants to send me these, there's a link to the ask game at the bottom!

39. are they insecure about their appearance? how about their personality? what aspects specifically worry them?

Picked a great one right off the bat for sure. She's definitely not insecure about her appearance. She's not arrogant either, and knows full well that since she's built like a bear (both in the animal way and in the gay way) she's not exactly Standard Pretty. She knows she's not everyone's thing, but who is? Thaavia likes how she looks, and while she may not be the kind of person making folks swoon in the streets, she's also never been short of potential partners when she wanted one either. (Also she knows that even if she's not someone's type, there's no denying she has amazing hair. She busts her ass to keep it nice even while traveling, it's her one big vanity.)

As far as being insecure about her personality, that's... a tougher question. For most of her career as a medic/healer paladin, she's had a fair few cases of patients Reading Into It when she was just doing her job. There's been a fair (or rather unfair) bit of getting put on a pedestal by someone who just sort of assumed they knew what she was like and having a fairly brutal reality check that they rarely took well. So she's worked hard on putting up a front of being cold, distant, and gruff to try and nip that in the bud. And she's gotten very good at it. (16 charisma and she uses all of it to be a bitch.)

Either way, the end result is the same; most folks don't bother to get close enough to see her, to the point where she can see where the line is drawn on someone's perception of her, whether it's Thaavia they see or Paladin Godbarter™. I wouldn't go so far as to say insecure, because to me that feels more active than just a lack of confidence, but that could just be my own nitpick. Regardless, she never expects it when someone A) bothers to look past Paladin Godbarter™ to see the person under the reputation, and B) prefers Thaavia to the version of herself people like to build her up to be.

As far as what worries her, she's got some rough stuff in her past and some bad habits that she just... never fed rather than properly breaking and she's terrified that in the right situation they'll make themselves known again. All during her childhood she was raised being told she'd be a great leader to their tribe one day if she'd just learn to make The Hard Decisions, and while she prides herself on her greatest rebellion against her upbringing being her mercy, she also remembers exactly how she almost listened, what that choice almost cost, and what that promise could possibly bring out in her again. (I will not elaborate on specifics in the ask because Kade. I've been itching to reveal the big dramatic backstory stuff in game for over a year now. I really want to talk about it tho, so I could definitely be convinced outside of an ask.)

40. if you had to remake this character right now, how would you change them?

Probably not a lot of huge changes, actually. Maybe tweak her height a little (still freakishly tall even for a goliath, either down to 8 feet even or up to 8'6 just so she's the same height as Lucy while kneeling, because I enjoy when Kade threatens me with violence), possibly make her just a tiny bit older, an even 40 rather than 38. Maybe change her subclass to Redemption paladin rather than Devotion, but even that's a coin toss because both are Incredibly Thematic for her, but also mildly moot considering I plan on changing her to a homebrew of my own as part of her arc (Oath of Hubris, it's a whole thing that I'd love to go further in depth about.)

Also, I'd probably see about putting my foot down and making her and her fire genasi partner Thyris parents. Velita may not be canon, but she lives on in my heart.

41. how do you keep notes for this character, if at all?

.......I have. So many notes. I have the shared character document for her and her twin brother that details their backstory, NPCs to pull from, and tidbits of goliath culture stuff I made up for our setting and the DM went "Yeah I dig that, yoink." I have the actual in-game notes that I've been taking for, again, over a year at this point (two years in february) and a refined notes document I really need to finish and share with the rest of the table because my Stream of Consciousness style of typing is uh. Not super conducive to looking for specific details without a LOT of Ctrl+F and luck. I've got a document that's literally just her in-character journal of medical/herbal knowledge in the front half and scraps of poetry, songs, and books that she's jotted down because she loved them enough to not want to forget them. And, of course, 80% of my discord dms between me and Kade for the last two-ish years have been about Lucy and Thaavia that I can go back to.

I take so many notes. Otherwise the brain gremlins eat the thoughts so I can't get them back.

42. can they dance?

Oh definitely. It's not her first pick and she's not gonna be particularly dazzling with it, but she knows how to lead, how to follow, and how not to step on toes. That partner of hers I mentioned, Thyris? He's a bard. (Technically Bard/Sorcerer, with a significantly heavier leaning into sorc, but the point still stands.) He made sure she at least knew enough to keep from looking silly. Plus it was, and continues to be, a great excuse to just hold dance with her for several hours.

And to the rest of y'all, please for the love of god send me some more, I am chewing on the walls since all my dnd games keep getting cancelled for one reason or another!

[mingissmile1117]

Hello! I decided to post this ff on here as well! It would really mean a lot and help me out if you could also check it out on my wattpad:)!! Don't feel obligated to though.

Chapter 1, Late Wednesday Nights

1574 Words

Seonghwa didn't want to work at this damned bar for the rest of his life. Smelling vomit and having to drag heavy limp body's outside really does something to a person's sanity. He swore, if he had to mop up sticky alcohol residue on the floor from clumsy drunks spilling their drinks one more time he was doing to snap his own neck.

The night was coming closer, and so was Seonghwas shift. Since it was a Wednesday night, almost everyone that was here from the evening had left, by their own will or forced to from security. The tired man stared off into space, mindlessly wiping off the soapy shot glasses behind the counter.

He came to when the bell from the door chimed softly. Annoyed, he groaned quietly. Who comes to the bar this late on a Wednesday night?

When he looked up, his breath hitched, stuck in his throat. Standing at the entrance was a man of short stature. He adorned a blonde buzz cut. His chin was slim and complimented by a sharp jawline that could cut through diamonds. The man's eyes were beautiful; deep chocolate brown irises and long, black eyelashes. His lips were the perfect shade of pink and deliciously plump. Overall, he was quiet the pretty man.

"Hello!" Hongjoong waved his hand, trying to get Seonghwas attention.

Seonghwa blinked, swallowing dryly. "Sorry- sorry. Welcome! Have a seat." He said with a smile, throwing his towel over his shoulder and resting his hand on his hip. "What can I get for you?" He asked the man across the counter, eyes taking in all his sharp features.

Hongjoong sat down on the barstool and rested his hand on the counter, slowly tapping his fingers. "Give me a minute to think." He asked politely.

Seonghwa nodded. He looked down at Hongjoongs hand, taking note of his panted nails and multiple rings.

"Woah... that's hot..."

Seonghwa thought to himself, a soft blush spreading across his cheeks. He cleared his throat, going to the counter behind him pretending to do something to distract himself.

"Sir?" Hongjoong softly raised his voice.

"You can just call me Seonghwa." The man said, looking back at the blonde with a playful smile.

"Well, Seonghwa, I'd like a margarita, if you don't mind."

"One margarita for?" Seonghwa turned around, looking at the blonde with a raised eyebrow.

"Hongjoong." The shorter man smirked.

"One margarita, coming up for Hongjoong!" Seonghwa said brightly, his hands getting to work as he started to whip up the drink.

"So hongjoong-" Seonghwa averted his gaze. "What brings to here at this time of night?" He asks.

The blonde sat back in the barstool, the three undone buttons on his flannel exposing a sliver of his chest.

"Got bored while taking a nightly stroll and decided I had some cash to burn." He shrugged his shoulders.

"Don't you have work in the morning? It's a Wednesday after all." Seonghwa looked up at the other.

"No not really..." Hongjoong bit his lip.

"Well you have to make an income somehow, what do you do?"

"I guess you could say I'm a freelance artist." The blonde titled his head, smirking as he bit his tongue between his teeth.

"Well Mr. Freelance artist," Seonghwa slid a cold glass across the counter, "You're drink is ready."

Hongjoong raised his eyebrow, chuckling softly as he set a 10 on the counter. "Thanks." He picked up the glass, his rings clinking against the surface.

The blonde stared into his drink, spinning it softly and watching the ice clash with eachother. "So Seonghwa, what do you do? Ya know like out of this bar?"

The red haired man blushed, looking down at the counter he was leaning on. "I like to make YouTube videos, they're really nothing much though. I live with my two roommates though who are pretty interesting. One of them really likes to cook, so I get to taste test his food all the time!" Seonghwa stopped himself before he starting rambling too much. "Ah sorry..." He scratched the back of his neck, a little embarrassed.

"It's alright. I like hearing you talk." He said with a playful grin, "I also like people who can carry a conversation by themselves, I'm not that much of a talker." He took a sip of his alcohol, tipping his head back sensually.

~

The night carried on as Seonghwa talked to his hearts content while Hongjoong listened adoringly.

The were in their own little world, one at a barstool and the other behind the counter. Stars filled the dark sky as the moon shone brightly over the tall buildings. Crickets chirped softly in the grass between the cracks of the sidewalk.

They were brought back to reality when the apple watch on Seonghwas wrist started beeping frantically. "Oh- it's closing time already?" He said disappointed, tapping the screen on his watch to turn off the alarm.

"How about I give you a ride home after I clean up the place a bit?" Seonghwa immediately offered, not losing the chance to get this man more. "You said you walked here right? Plus it's pretty late out, I don't think any of the cab places will pick up." He said with a knowing smirk.

"I'm sold." Hongjoong sat back in the stool, crossing one leg over the other. "I'll wait for you then." He smiled.

Seonghwa grabbed the blondes empty glass and began to clean up the back of the counter.

~

Seonghwa opened the car door for Hongjoong, letting him in the passengers side. "Wow, what a gentleman." The shorter man joked, getting into the car.

Seonghwa got into the driver's side with a huff. He stretched his body, relaxing into the seat. As he stuck his keys into the ignition he asked, "So whats your address?"

"The apartment building on Dongyo Street. You know the one above the 7-Eleven?"

Seonghwa stopped suddenly and looked over at Hongjoong. "No way, really?" He asked, mouth agape with a raised eyebrow.

"What?" The blonde asked, a little confused.

"I live in that same building! How come I've never seen you before?"

"Oh!? Well I just moved in to the 5th floor a few weeks ago."

"The new floor they just got done building? Makes sense why I haven't seen you yet." He stated as he stepped on the gas, driving out of his parking spot.

~

Seonghwa had insisted on walking with Hongjoong to his apartment. He wanted to get this mans number so badly, but he was nervous and wasn't quite sure how to ask. "This is your room? E300?" They stopped walking and stood in front of the door. "Mhm, sure is." Hongjoong reached in his pocket, searching for his keys.

"So uh," Seonghwa started awkwardly, completely contrasting from his earlier subtle flirting. "Since we live in the same building and all, I think it would be pretty convenient if we had eachothers numbers."

"Oh well-" Hongjoong was cut off by the door opening, a 6 ft tall man with black hair behind the frame.

"Dude, where have you been?! Get in here! Mingi is literally destroyed our kitchen earlier trying to make dinner since you weren't here- come help clean up!" Yunho pulled Hongjoong inside and slammed the door shut.

"Wait but-" Seonghwa whined. He wasn't that disappointed that he didn't get Hongjoongs number since they lived in the same building, but it was going to be a lot harder now.

He walked all the way downstairs to the second floor, sulking. He opened the door to his apartment, room B6. It was quiet dark as he expected it to be Wooyoung and San were already asleep in their rooms. The read head slid of his shoes at the entrance, trying to be as quiet as possible. He looked in the fridge quickly, trying to see if anything would appeal to his stomach, but nothing did. With a sigh he walked off to his room and sat down at his desk rather than laying im his bed.

He played some random games mindlessly, but he couldn't get that blonde off of his mind. He also thought about that tall man. What if Hongjoong was dating him? Or that Mingi that the dude mentioned? What if Seonghwa made up everything in his head and he didn't even have a chance?

Out of curiosity, Seonghwa typed something into the search bar

"How to know if your crush likes you"

That sounded absolutely childish, he knew that well, but he couldn't help it.

He scrolled and scrolled down the pages past a bunch of wiki how's and reddit pages. Until, he saw a link for a Craigslist added titled

"Spice up your love life and give your soul to this matchmaking devil"

"Oh?" That sounded quite interesting to the man and so, he clicked.

"Feeling lost in love? Not so sure how to win the heart of your crush? Make an 'deal' with this matchmaker and gain you're deepest desires. You'll surely find the treasure you're sought after. " Seonghwa read out loud, an amused smile on his face.

He scrolled down the page, seeing you could "book an appointment" with the "matchmaker".

"You know what? Fuck it."

After typing in some info he really shouldn't be giving out on the internet, he pressed enter.

Man, he was so desperate.

Tomorrow at 5 pm was his "appointment". What a perfect day to be off work.

[quenie-azryneth]

Wedding photo contest

Itaru X reader

❤️Eros: Sweet rank. Itaru X reader. 1 and 3/comedy and Melodrama.

(Did I drew the gown for this story? Yes, yes I did.)

(Did I drew the background for Itaru's picture? Yes, yes I did)

(Why didn't I google it instead? Even I don't have the answer. 🤷🏻‍♀️)

(I actually liked how the flower turned out. It looked real. )

🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼

"Itaru, have you seen my phone?" Itaru removed his eyes from his games for a brief moment to look at you. "I haven't." He replied and resumed gaming. "But can you least call my number, please?" You asked. "In a minute, lemme just beat this - Heck yeah, a hundred years too early to challenge me!" He stood up and took out his phone from his pocket, he then types in your number.

*ringing*

You followed the sound of your ringtone, and it leads to your hand bag. "*deep inhale* Oh, Itaru I'm sorry." You face palm as hard as you can. "Pfft..." He covered his mouth with his hand to prevent him from laughing. "Hey! You big meanie." You punched him on the shoulder, hard enough to show your displease. "Sorry, sorry. You're just so cute, I can't help it." "Ugh! Let me check if- Eh?" Your eyes twitched at the sight of your notifications. "What's up?" Itaru asked. "Tch... Ten unread messages... From mom." "Uh oh, looks like someone's in trouble." "Itaru, you're not helping!" "Ha ha, sorry. Go talk to her then. And tell her I said 'hi'. " "Alright, thanks for helping me look for it, see you." You gave him a quick kiss then went home.

*On the phone*

"Hello? Mom? Mom, I'm sorry I didn't reply sooner." "You bet you're sorry, I was worried." Your Mom in her usual. "I'll make it up to you." "Hmm... How about a girls night, tomorrow at 8 pm?" Your Mom suggested "Okay. Oh, by the way, Itaru said 'hi'." "Oh, are you with him right now?" She asked. "I was." You replied. "How are you, Sweetie? How is Itaru doing?" The usual dotting mom. "We're doing fine, Mom." "Don't forget to take care of yourself and eat properly." "I know, Mom. I'm not a kid anymore." "I know, I know. Bye, Sweetie. Mommy loves you." "I love you, too Mom. Bye." She hang up.

Just then a sudden realization hits. "What am I gonna do? My paycheck hasn't been released until next week!" You opened your phone contacts, your finger hovered over Itaru's contact number. "What am I gonna say? ~Hey, Itaru. Could you please lend me some money? ~ Now that's just plain weird." *ring* Your phone rang. You answered, not bothering to check who is it. "Hello? Are you free tomorrow?" "Oh, Itaru. Uh... Actually it depends on the time. Mom and I will be having a girls night at 8 pm." You said. "I see, then I'll take you home before 8, is that cool?" "Why, though?" You got curious. "Well, we really haven't had a proper date in weeks and tomorrow's my day off with no event to interrupt, so...." "[Oh, how sweet of him.]" You giggled at his sudden offer. "I'd love to." You agreed. "Great, I love you. Bye." "I love you, too Itaru." Then you hang up.

The next morning, you strolled hand in hand with Itaru. "Ahh, the weather is so nice today. Hm?" You saw people gathering ahead. "Is it a street act?" You pointed at the crowd. "Hm? You wanna check it out?" He asked. "Sure."

The two of you got closer, you noticed a sign. "Wedding Photo Contest?" Your eyes landed on the list of prizes; >2nd prize: beef steak<. "[Beef steak. I wonder if beef steak is alright with Mom]" You continue to stare at the prizes until Itaru pulled you away from your thoughts. "Let's try it, for fun." He suggested. "Huh? But..." "Come on,it's a limited time event." "Pfft..." You didn't hold back a laugh, he's obviously not leaving room for any arguments so you went along with it.

When you entered the dressing room, your eyes went saucer wide the moment you laid eyes on the gown.

"Wow." You didn't even tried to hide your amazement as you stared at it. "Let's get you changed, ma'am." A voice snapped you back to reality. "Huh? Oh, yes."

The gown fits like a glove, then you slowly looked in the mirror, and when you saw your reflection you froze. "[Woah! Is that really me?]" "[So this is what it feels like wearing a wedding gown for the first time.]" You felt butterflies in your stomach and your chest tighten. "[What would it be like if we're married and start a family together?]"

"Oh you're do-" When you got out of the dressing room you met Itaru's gaze, and he is completely frozen in place. "Uh, Itaru?" "Huh? Ah, sorry. You looked so beautiful I can't take my eyes off you." "Stop teasing." You pouted. "I'm not." You saw a tiny hint of blush on Itaru's cheeks and feel yourself blushing as well. "Thank... Thank you Itaru." You replied at his compliment with a coy smile. "You look rather handsome yourself. It suits you" "Ehe, is that so, looks like I received a premium item."

Couples line up, one by one getting their picture taken. While waiting, Itaru's gaze was on you the whole time. His mind wondered off; What would it be like if the two of you are in a actual wedding, exchanging vows of loving each other until death, and having a family of his own. "Itaru? Earth to Itaruuuu? Hey, it's our turn!" You violently waved your hand in front of him. "Hm?" He snapped out of it. "Ehe, what were you thinking of?" You smiled teasingly. "Oh, nothing. Just thinking about the future." "Itaru, I'm glad we're on the same page." You already knew exactly what he was thinking of.

You and Itaru stood in front of the camera. The photographer instructed your every movement. "Okay, perfect. 1, 2, 3, smile." You gave your best smile. "Okay, change position." Itaru then wrapped his arms around you from behind. "Okay, now look at each other and 1, 2, 3, smile."

"They should kiss." A person from the crowd suggested. "Kiss, kiss, kiss - - - -" Then the whole crowd started chanting. You looked up to see Itaru's face and kissed him on his cheek just as you heard the camera shutter. "Ehe he he." You let out a small laugh at Itaru's startled look.

The vote is closed and the crowd has chosen their favourite couple.

"We won?" It's not too surprising that you and Itaru won the contest, but you wanted the 2nd place prize more. Itaru noticed, since you are literally staring at it. Itaru walked towards the 2nd place couple, "Excuse me, but can we trade prizes?" "Uh, uhu, sure." The couple are confused but nodded in agreement anyway. "This is the prize you wanted, right?" He handed the prize to you. "Aw, Itaru! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!" You hugged him tightly, practically jumping. "So does that mean I increased my intimacy points?" "Maaaaaaaybeeee" You couldn't stop smiling.

"It's almost 8, we should get going." He held out his hand to you. "I didn't realize, I was having so much fun with you I lost track of time." Then the two of you slowly walked hand in hand to your house.

"I guess we're here, goodbye Itaru. Thank you, I truly had a blast." "No need to thank me. I had fun, too." He took a step forward then slowly lifted your chin up and gave you a sweet and soft goodbye kiss. You wrapped your arms around his neck to prevent him from pulling away easily.

"I should get going, enjoy your girls night." "Ahaha, I will. I love you."

"I love you, too." You waved at him until he is out of sight.

When you entered the house, your mom was already inside standing by the window with a knowing look on her face.

"What?" You tried to play dumb "So, how was your date, Sweetie?" Your Mom asked "Maybe some other time, but for now it's OUR date." "Fine. But do tell me when you have the time." "Okay."

Your mind still drifts back to that beautiful moment. And someday, you would stand by his side in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, until your last breath as his wife 

The End

- J

[dreamsister81]

And he speaks about the divorce of his mother and his (first) stepfather, when he was about six or seven years of age. "The song 'So Real' is about that. That is my personal battlefield. The fight between them was too real. Around that time, I learned how to adapt reality to your advantage. Sometimes magic is real, too. Superstition, ghosts, elves, cats that can speak and think. To me, those kinds of things are still very real. Somewhere in here (points to his head) a cat can talk. Somewhere in here real magic and chaos reign.”-Aug 25, 1994, from an interview with Anna Bouwma for Brabant Pers (A local Dutch press agency) via OOR magazine, May, 1998

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 "All those lines are derived, except for the first line, from a time when I was about 5 or 6 and my mother and my stepfather were divorcing and I noticed 'I love you but I'm afraid to love you' is all about them. What I came away from in my older years is that people are just afraid to love each other and always want to come out of things right and wrong. Between men and women it just has to be accepted that part of their relationship is a power struggle."-UR Magazine, September, 1994

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"This is a song about another kind of love. It's mostly about when I was a kid and saw a couple of people break up that I didn't think would break up before...bizarre...check it out..."-introduction at the Pacific Club, September 21, 1994

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"I'm proud of 'So Real' because that's the first tune that I ever produced and that's the first one with Michael on it, us as a real quartet, and me and Michael, we wrote that in a day."-WDET interview, Oct. 31, 1994

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"I love 'So Real' because it's the actual quartet that you see in that picture right there that you have on the wall, on the album. And that one I produced live all one moment, the vocal is the first take, all one take. It was three o'clock in the morning.”-Juice magazine, Feb, 1996

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"I had actually begun about six months earlier when I went to Jeff's apartment for a guitar lesson. I had been playing these chords over and over. They kind of got stuck in both our heads. So now, months later, I'd joined the band and it was my first day in rehearsal at Montana Studios. I started playing the verse chords and Jeff got behind the drums and started playing this funeral march beat. He pulled the microphone over so he could sing and play the drums, but at first he just muttered stuff over the chords I was playing. Then, we got to the chorus and he started singing the words-just wrote the chorus right there. We laid down some more instrumental tracks. Chris Dowd was there, so when Jeff called a break and took a walk, Chris and I left the studio to walk to a bodega to get something to eat. About thirty minutes later, when we got back to the studio, Jeff was already there, recording the verse-he'd written the whole thing during the walk. He recorded the whole song in one take. In that moment I knew I was part of something...you know, that moment when you know something has opened up that's beyond you, bigger than you."-Michael Tighe on co-writing 'So Real', from The Grace EPs

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"So Real" became a composite of various female relationships in his life. It's said the "simple city dress" line referred to Moore, while other parts of the song may have been inspired by a dancer with whom Jeff had a brief fling shortly after his separation from Moore. "I love you, but I'm afraid to love you," Jeff spoke in the middle section, somewhat in the tradition of spoken-word parts dating back to Elvis Presley's "I Can't Help Falling In Love With You." He also brought up his mother Mary, who was still back in Orange County: "I never stepped on the cracks 'cause I thought I'd hurt my mother/And I couldn't awake from the nightmare that sucked me in/And pulled me under." The track was finished at dawn, and in a cab flying downtown as the sun rose, Jeff and Tighe listened to it in the backseat. To Jeff, who didn't say a word, it was affirmation of his idea of a band based on feeling rather than virtuosity. "It showed us we could be a sound," says Grondahl, "but not a type of music."-from Dream Brother (Erika Hassan. Lover, dancer. Read in the newspaper that he had died. Was kept a secret by Jeff.-from OOR Magazine, Jul. 2000, I've always wondered if this could be that same dancer)

[kidmachinate]

Choose In Silence, Share With Your Tribe

"Don't go into the computer."

Perhaps I'm not quoting this exactly as it was said to me, but it was a restriction. A restriction in which had I listened to it, I would not be as technically inclined as I am today. That said, I know my limits and there are people who know far more than I do. This became a running theme in my life. Being told no...as if to save me from something. The issue is that isn't one's decision to make.

Had I not dated x person, went to x location to get a good deal on craigslist, or went to x place to host a local gaming tournament, I wouldn't have learned some lessons that were required in my life to help shape me to be who I am today. Are you looking out for someone when making these suggestions or does it come out of self-interest? You'd be amazed how many times it is actually the latter. This includes our parents. You shouldn't watch that scary movie, they say. That's cool. I'll play violent games instead. If I don't have access, I have friends that will educate me. I turned out alright, so who were you REALLY protecting? Me? Not in this case. Sorry mom. Thank you Dad. Some of my best memories come from the stuff we watched together. Not a day goes by in which I think about how much I miss you. RIP Dad.

What might be worse? Forced narratives. Some people legitimately cannot get over themselves to the point where the either want to hold you back from experiences in your life, and/or hate others for the exact same flaws they have in themselves. There was a time in which I fought against this real hard. It still comes out from time to time. Now it is much easier to just let people think what they want and let things happen as they are meant to happen. 

Some like to say by not making a choice, you've made a choice. While this is true in many cases, I'd respectfully disagree as it isn't how my thought process works. Whether you're selling a product or yourself, if things aren't a good fit, why proceed? Nothing is certain in life. Wait. Gather intel. Figure out what you want...but simultaneously, you can find out exactly how they view you, regardless of what they say to your face. Let me give an example I'm not supposed to speak of.

How does one become respected for looking out for the regular worker vs who is in charge, bringing up morale and flushing out the problem, to eventually be shut out? A variety of reasons led to this, mostly work politics to keep it short. However, before the wrong people became in power and personal relationships/sales were valued more than the company workers and actual customers served, thing were good. People did not need to be or want to be ruled by an iron fist. Poor management doesn't allow this because they rather have people under their thumb. Make them feel good and secure. It also causes people to be unhappy and leave. Sounds like these types of managers should get a reality check and possibly counseling to help with unresolved issues. Why they must use people to carry out their agendas, because they forget where they came from, instead of maybe...just maybe, not forgetting where you came from and helping the very people you helped bring up instead of just barking orders.

I've made mistakes through anything referenced above at one point or another. It's how you learn. For the mistake I have made, I've heard a common thing in my places of work. For as much as I hate micromanagement, the shitty management style referenced above, I'm sure good apparently at...following directions. This loops back around to why I hate the management style however. Doing what you're told can still get you fired. Laid off. Whatever. Let's loop this back around shall we?

We all have to make choices. Some want to force these choices or make subtle hints at you to try and make you choose different. I'll choose as I want, thanks. The few who understand that, I see you. Because I watch instead of act. I see you. Make no mistake however, if I care at all, I'll still be there for you. We can all use a bit more compassion. Even if you feel rejected or distant from the world, this doesn't mean however that you can't give back or be accepting. Intent always wins...regardless if people directly or indirectly want to make you feel bad for it. Be you. 

Many things can be salvaged too. Saved. Recovered. The impossible is indeed possible...but silence doesn't work in this case. Pick your battles. Or don't. Just. Be. You.

[estrxlar]

The Ghost Of You

04 - Learning To Receive

These chapters songs:

Moonlight On The River; Mac Demarco

Nostalgic Feel; Bedroom

New Flesh; Current Joys

——

TW: Self-harm, death.

(Not done by you, don't worry)

——

- K.S. Perspective

      Only two or three days had passed since high school had started, which meant only a couple more walks home with Y/n. They were shorter and quiet, and of course, there weren't any swerving cars.

But so far, what I had suspected was correct. She and I made amends and became buddies, thankfully.

      The only times she was left alone were when I had morning practice, and she had to have one of her friends drive her home. Either that or she would have to walk home alone. I would've loved to accompany her, but volleyball was something I didn't take lightly, and my priorities were important to me.

      Both I and my younger brother participated in volleyball and gave it our all ever since we were able to balance on our feet. Sadly, our parents were far too busy to go to any games, or even help us practice at home. But their goal was for their kids to grow up strong and steady with good grades and good stats, so that's why they made sure my younger brother and I were on top of our shit.

      Once my first year ended, I didn't expect that I would have to carry so many burdens all in one year. That's around the time mother had died from sickness, which left me with doubts, wishes, and an unaccomplished relationship with her.

      After the sudden death, our family didn't move on very well. My brother developed anxiety and depression, and he eventually had to take a break from school and volleyball. Then, my father became dull and increased his hours at work to avoid coming home to such a depressing home, leaving my brother and me to continue caring for ourselves, by ourselves.

      I, on the other hand, had barely anything to say about it. All I could do was pose as if I were handling it better than I had. Truth is, my mother's death changed my entire persona. I grew grim and gummy, deprived myself of rest, and repressed the trauma I've received. Not only did I overwork myself because of volleyball and stress, but I also grieved in harmful ways. It'd either be a blade to the wrist, or a night with a girl; anything that could help distract me from my state of deep dejection.

      It's been that way ever since. Only recently have I realized that I'm ruining whatever recovery I built up. That was all because of my best friend— Daichi— who had helped me come out about my feelings towards my mom's passing. Ever since, I've been able to learn from my mistakes, and slowly pick my life back up. I was beginning to become a better player for my team, better support for my family, and a better person for myself.

      That only happened recently. So now, I'm left with lots of things to mend, and relationships to make. I'm determined that I'll mourn more healthily than before.

——

      "Y/n!" A hopeful call leaves my lips, turning her head. As assumed, it was Y/n. Today she looked even brighter than before; she just has gotten more sleep. Not to mention she wore long socks instead of leggings, which must have been pretty hard in this weather.

      I didn't get to see her this morning due to morning practice, but I did catch her before lunch. Just enough time to tell her I won't be riding the bus tonight either.

      I look both ways of the cross hallway, before grabbing my book bag strap with both hands and jogging towards Y/n. I wasn't sure why I was so eager to see her, but all I knew was I needed a refreshing moment, and she could give me exactly that.

      "Why hello, Mrs. Refreshing!" I joke, bowing my head towards her while she giggled. Looking up, she stands there, shining by the sunlight that reflected on the windows.

      'If I could, I'd take a photo of you right here, just to show you how gorgeous you are.' I quickly put a halter on my thoughts, snapping back to a respectful filter. 'No, I can't do that. Not to myself, most definitely not to Y/n.'

      "You look nice today!" I exclaim, awkwardly patting the side of my hips while smiling at her. Hopefully, I hadn't made her uncomfortable in the first ten seconds of talking to her. The last thing I wanted was to ruin yet another relationship with a girl.

      Thankfully, Y/n responded with kind appreciation to my comment. "Why thank you, sir. And what brings you in my presence?" Her words curl in a formal British accent, adding onto our joke.

      Standing normally, I explain, "Oh, nothing. I just wanted to say hi, and to tell you I might not be walking home with you today. I'm really sorry,  practice has been very necessary for our team. I-I hope you understand." I stutter on the last part, with a gentle tone to add on. Ditching Y/n for most of the week wasn't what I had planned at first, but what I had told her was 100% true. The first years, as well as the rest of us, we're in bad shape. With our spring tournament coming up, we had no time to waste.

      "Oh, that's alright. I understand. I was in volleyball too, after all. Although, I do wish you could still accompany me. It gets a little lonely.." She looks down for a minute while I contemplate my existence entirely. 'So it does bother her.' But she quickly caught onto my thoughts by my expression and came up with a solution. "If— if you'd like, I can simply stay near the gym until practice is over! That way I can see you and your boys in action, yeah?"

      Her fists pop up into the air, as a bright smile appeared on her face. If you didn't know Y/n personally, you would expect them to be cold stone and dull. But in reality, I find they're like everybody else, and have a bright side to them, just like the one that was being portrayed right now.

      Nodding with her statement, I reply hesitantly. "Hm, I'd have to ask the captain, but I'm sure he wouldn't mind—"

      "Oh, Daichi? We're buddies, he'll be alright." I'm dazed by what she'd said, pausing the motion of rubbing my neck. She and Daichi hang in completely different groups, though! 'How is it they know each other? They hang around two very different friend groups.. that is unless they have some type of history I'm unaware about.' I think to myself, trying my best to find a reason they would be friends, but I couldn't. And so, I begin my questioning. "You two know each other?"

      Suddenly, Y/ns gaze twists. "Suga, you introduced me to them during our first year, silly. Remember? I went with you from practice once. And besides that, my good friend Miya is close to him."

      "Oh, yeah! I remember that. That means you only know Asahi, Daichi, and Kiyoko, right? I've gotta introduce you to the rest of the team! I'm sure they've missed you!" I chuckle, throwing an arm around her shoulders cautiously, expecting her to reject it. But she goes on casually with our discussion.

      "That's right.. well... I'm also— sort of— friends with them. Well, except Asahi. But Kiyoko and I are pretty close."

      '?' I tilt my head at the uncertain tone she spoke with. "Pretty close?" I ask, turning into the cafeteria with my arm still around her. The room is, of course, crowded as hell.

      Still, I manage to draw out what Y/n was saying to me, leaning my ear close to her mouth for better audio. "Yes! She's one of my best friends.. we used to date and it didn't work out, but we're pretty tight!"

      'DID I HEAR THAT RIGHT?!' My eyes widen, and I immediately let go of her, tightening my hands around the strap of my school bag. A gulp falls down my throat before I ask, "Did you say.. date?! You mean you two went out?!"

      To my surprise, Y/n nods proudly. "Yes! Why, did you not think she'd go out with a girl? Or is it so astonishing that I could ever get a girl like her?" She teases, while I'm still puzzled. So many questions ran through my head at the sudden fact: was Kiyoko gay? Was Y/n gay?! Does that mean she's gotten closer to Kiyoko than anyone before??

      "Suga, calm down. It's not like we're still together. As I said, it didn't work out!" She smirks towards me, putting a finger up towards her cheek. "Why? You got a little crush on her..? I wouldn't blame you."

      "N-no! It's not like that! It's just— she never told any of us. I guess she just keeps to herself more than predicted." My sentence comes out to sound like a question, rather than a response. It wasn't that I didn't support it, or that I was surprised Kiyoko would be her girlfriend. Honestly, I was just a little jealous of both of them.

      Either way, it seemed it didn't work out. So it didn't matter now. "Anyway, we're about best friends now, so I'm pretty familiar with your team. I don't think they would mind if I came, but just in case, I'll ask Daichi and Kiyoko." She explains, before looking back towards the slowly dying crowd of students in front of the cafeteria. "I better go soon, Suga. I'll let your captain know I'll be heading over there later—"

      "Wait!" I shut my eyes out of nervousness, as my brain wires work to come up with an excuse for why I yelled that. "You used to play volleyball, right?"

      An awkward nod from Y/n is given to me, followed by, "Yes, but I was sort of just a bench warmer. Nothing big." The hands that held her lunch box gripped tighter, as she suspected I would ask her a favor much larger than a lunch.

      "Mind helping me teach one of our new members how to receive?" I say. "His name is Hinata, and he's a first year. He has great talent and has great potential, but he kind of... sucks at volleyball. I mean, from what I've heard, he practices a lot. But I just think he needs some guidance. So, want to?"

      "Uhm... I'm pretty rusty.. but sure! It wouldn't hurt, right? Besides, I think I need a break from my friends wouldn't do any harm."

      'Yes, I did it.' I thought to myself, before leading her towards the doors that led to the gym. "Alright then, right this way!"

      "Suga! Don't you need your bag?" She immediately asks, tugging on my collared shirt. But I shake my head, responding with a light smile.

      "It's already outside, I just came to check on you, is all."

——

      Up, down, and up again went the ball. Each receive that Hinata had tried had failed every time. At this point, I wouldn't blame Y/n if she wanted to leave. But there she sits against the concrete wall of the outside of the gym, licking white rice off a spoon.

      "Hinata, drop your hips down more," I say to him, demonstrating the position I had stated. "Hit the ball like you're trying to return it where it came from. Got it?"

      Hinata's light expression appears on his face once again. "Yeah, got it!" He exclaims, before getting right into position. I signal the ball is going in the air before my palm hits it in the right spot, sending it towards him.

      And it shoots right back, along with a slap against Hinata's wrists. "Nice!" He praises himself, leaving a feeling of proudness deep within me.

      I'd never been able to teach somebody one of my special skills and having them accomplish it, not the way I did with Hinata. But that was mostly because he was driven by his entire body and soul to memorize every movement in his muscles to create a perfect receive. And who had taught him that? Your one and only.

      "Would you like me to start setting for you tomorrow morning?" I ask the ginger with confidence he'd reply with a yes. Thankfully, that's exactly what happened. His eyes light up in the sun, and his hands take full hold of the ball. "Y-you mean it, sir?!"

      The cold wind hits me, as well as another dosage of serotonin from the first year."Well, I am Karasuno's official setter after all! And you wanna practice spikes, right?" I ask, placing my red hands onto my hips.

      "Exactly! I love to spike! It feels so good when you get it right, and it's cooler than anything!" He shouts. I couldn't help but laugh at his excitement, even if it wasn't the first time he'd portrayed it. Hinata sure reminded me of my past self, and I'd do anything to help first-year Sugawara.

      Y/n suddenly joins our conversation, digging into a reason why Hinata is the way he is when it comes to spikes. "You must have a thing for spiking, don't you?"

      Hinata nods, putting a fist towards his face. "Yes. I didn't have a setter throughout middle school, and I was actually the only club member until my third year of junior high. I used to get my friend in the Basketball Club to toss for me, but after I had dropped out of the club, I went to anybody that could help me practice. Take the first years, and the ladies and setters from the girls' team, too. I've made a lot of friends along the way, but none of those people could ever become my real teammates. That's why I was dying to find out what kind of setters were in high school— but now.. you know."

      Hinatas pure passion dies down once he reaches the word 'setter', and I wouldn't blame him. The person he's supposed to be paired with is his complete opposite, and frankly, a dick-head. "Well, as I said, I'm a setter too. I'll toss you a few, Hinata! Don't get all down."

      I was expecting further satisfaction, but instead, his expression twists into envy. "But it's just that if I have you throw to me now, it kind of feels like... I'm losing." He frowns, looking away from my figure in anger.

      "You're just like someone I know, Hinata!   Always competitive." Y/n says, placing her small bento to the side, and lifting herself from the shaded spot she sat in. Her hands dust off her navy blue skirt, and her blazer comes off. "Why're you so competitive when it comes to Kageyama?"

      "If you ask me, it's better to avoid making enemies with those kinds of people." I join in.

      She wraps her hands around Hinatas shoulders, leaning over his shoulder. "You know, Hinata, you're not as bad as you make yourself out to be. Wanna know a secret about Kageyama?"Without hesitation, Hinata is fully interested in what Y/n had to say. Frankly, so was I.

      "Whatever you see from Kageyama is something he's learned from other players. He wasn't always so snobby; he used to be calmer and kinder. But once he was shown what he could do with his talent, it went to his head. Don't let that become you, Hinata! You have so much potential it's insane! I've never met anybody with as much love for volleyball as you." She pulls up her sleeves, getting into position for a receive, signifying I could rest now. "

      "How do you know what he used to be like, Y/n?" Hinata asks her, sending the ball into the air. My eyes follow it, but my ears listen intently to their conversation.

     "Well, I went to the same middle school as him. When he was a first-year, I was a third. Me and my friend we're on the girls' team, while my other three friends were on the boys' team. The four of us practiced every second of the day, which meant the two teams spent a lot of time together. Everything Kageyama knows is from another player; don't think he's just magically good at volleyball. Anyway, I don't know much about Kageyama, but I do know that he's changed dramatically." She explained. Just then, the bell for our sixth period had rung, and doors were heard opening and closing, as well as students fluttering around hallways.

       The three of us pause our mini practice and gather out things where they were settled. Thoughts ran through my head as I put my school blazer back onto my torso. If Y/n went to the same middle school as Kageyama, that must mean she knows a lot about Aoba Johsai: one of our greatest enemies in volleyball. And if she knows him, could she be familiar with his playstyle? In that case, having her around would not harm the team.

      "Sugawara, I'm off." She's heard saying from behind me, while she put her school bag over her shoulders. "Thank you for having me here with you and Hinata, I'm glad I could be of help."

      I nod in response, nervously breathing through the teeth."Yes, of course. Uhm— would you like me to pick you up from your classroom later on? Either that, or you could walk to the gym after band practice." I ask the young girl, longing for more time to hang about her.

      Then, she began walking backward, meanwhile talking. "I think I'll be just fine, Sugawara. No need to worry about me all the time. I've managed without you the past couple of days haven't I?" Her h/c danced with the wind as she did so, and the corners of her lips rose as she said so.

      "That's right.. I'll catch you later then!" I manage to shout out, raising a hand for a gentle wave, but it was too late. Y/n was already turning into the doors of the school, returning the gesture.

      Somehow, she always found a way to make the chains around my heart tighten a bit more. What was it that drew me towards Y/n? Hell, if I knew. "Wow, Sugawara. You've got yourself a pretty friend! She seems nice, too." Hinata expresses, looking agar with me. "Is she your girlfriend, or something?"

      "No, Hinata. Just an old friend. Someone who may know me better than anybody, you know." Y/n; The girl who knew her way around my heart.

—

Hey everybody, sorry I've been M.I.A for a while. Don't worry, I'm not giving up on my ff!!! I would never do that. This fan fiction is super duper important.

Please note my chapters!! It lets me know you guys enjoy them.

Make sure to be taking care of yourself: drink water, go outside, eat something, and heal yourself after hard work:) It's currently mental awareness month, and it's very important to be taking time for yourself.

love you guys

- Sugawara's beauty mark