#I'd like to eat one one day....I bet they taste good

[umi-adxhira]

ᝰ.ᐟ SERENITY | 020

FANDOM: TWTPTFLOB

WARNINGS: Fontaine, Lante, Dion, a severed head

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Last post of today, hope you guys enjoy it

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It’s been two days since Dion came back, and you’re sitting in your room, eating some bread with soup. The doctor advised you not to eat solid food such as bread, but having it with a liquid to soften it would be okay.

You eat by yourself, content with the quaint atmosphere of the room. The bread with soup is good, much more savory than the soup you’re familiar with in your world. It must be due to the lack of exotic spices. If they can’t make it flavorful, then making it rich and savory is the next best thing.

The door to your room creaks open. You don’t need to look up to know who it is.

Lante stands over your small form, his presence as oppressive as ever. He smokes a cigar, the acrid scent stinging your nose. He takes a long drag before speaking.

"Since you're injured, you’ll have to make up for it later. I expect overtime. And when you’re back on your feet, you better doll yourself up properly. Consider it an apology for the inconvenience."

He turns to leave, then mutters under his breath, "Last time someone pulls a stunt like that." Your bread halts halfway to your mouth. Stunt?

"What do you mean?" you ask.

Lante glances at you over his shoulder, his expression one of mild irritation. "Fontaine's been dead for two days. His head's missing, but I'd recognize that stupid brat’s body anywhere."

The door clicks shut behind him, leaving you in silence.

Your stomach churns. The soup suddenly tastes like ash. Fontaine is dead. You have no doubt who did it.

Dion.

The blood on his cheek that morning. His calm, unbothered demeanor. He didn’t even hesitate, I bet. That makes me feel a lot better. One problem is gone, but I’d be an idiot to think that Fontaine is the only Agriche to pull off a stunt like that.

You push your half-empty bowl away, fingers curling over the edge of the wooden tray. I should eat. I won’t heal if I don’t. But the thought of swallowing anything now makes your throat close up.

Your thoughts scatter when Roxana enters, carrying fresh bandages, a basin full of water, and a towel. She says nothing as you set your food aside and pull the blanket off your body. The cold air makes you shiver.

She starts with your head, unwrapping the old bandages carefully, her fingers firm yet gentle. She dips the towel into the water, squeezing out the excess before dabbing at the wound. The water stings, sending a sharp jolt through your skull, but you don’t flinch. It’s better than infection.

She works in silence, her touch precise, pressing fresh gauze against your temple before securing it with clean bandages. Moving to your arms, she peels away the old wrappings, revealing healing bruises and shallow cuts. She cleans each wound methodically, replacing the bandages with practiced ease. Your legs are next - she lifts them gently, mindful of your sore muscles, fingers brushing against sensitive skin as she works.

By the time she reaches your torso, you’re trembling slightly, not from pain but from the sheer exposure. She unwinds the final layer of bandages, revealing the deep gash across your ribs. The cool air prickles against it, but Roxana says nothing. She only dips the towel again, pressing it firmly against the wound to clean away the dried blood.

The basin is now dark with bloodied water, the scent of iron thick in the air. She wraps the final bandage tightly, securing it with a knot before gathering the soiled wrappings and the basin. She turns toward the door, only to pause when it creaks open once more.

The door opens again. You don’t need to turn to know who it is this time either.

Dion steps in, a medium-sized box in his hands, wrapped with a red bow - the same shade as his eyes. Roxana stops, scowling at him before shoving past and leaving without another word.

Now, it’s just you and Dion.

He walks closer, setting the box beside you. You glance at him, searching his face for anything. He meets your gaze without hesitation, but he says nothing.

He’s watching me. The silence stretches between you both, thick and unspoken. You hesitate before reaching for the box. “You brought me something?” you ask, your tone teasing, though there’s an edge to it. Why does it feel so heavy?

Dion doesn’t respond. He only tilts his head slightly, watching you expectantly. You tug at the bow, undoing the knot, then lift the lid.

Inside, staring back at you, is a severed head.

Fontaine’s head.

Your breath catches. The world tilts.

The face is pale, slack with death. Blood stains his hair and the edges of his severed neck, dried and dark. His lifeless eyes remain half-open, a frozen expression of surprise barely etched onto his face. Flowers adorn the edge of the box, along with a single rose in the hole of his gouged eye. It’s an ugly sight to see, but something about it…

The silence is deafening.

Your hands tremble, but you don’t drop the box. You can’t move, can’t breathe.

Dion doesn’t say a word. He only watches.

You suck in a breath, forcing yourself to meet his gaze. He watches you with something unreadable in his crimson eyes, head tilted slightly, as if assessing your reaction. There is no remorse. No regret.

Your stomach churns violently, but you swallow it down. He did this for me. Didn’t he?

How sweet.

You exhale, pushing the lid back onto the box, blocking out the gruesome sight. It doesn’t erase the image from your mind, though. Fontaine's dead eye is seared into your thoughts.

Dion shifts closer, his presence suffocating in its intensity. His fingers brush against your cheek, cold and deliberate. He lingers there, his touch featherlight, testing.

Your pulse stutters. You should pull away. You don’t.

His lips barely part, his voice a whisper. "Afraid?"

You swallow, shaking your head. "No."

His fingers trail lower, his touch ghosting down your jawline before he pulls away.

A faint smirk tugs at the corner of his lips - something dark, something satisfied.

"Good."

The room feels smaller. The air between you charged with something unspoken. You don’t have an answer, but one thing is clear - Dion did this for you. He has no intention of leaving.

And now, neither do you.

TAGLIST: @evaxmisu, @00hellohello00, @welpthisisboring, @hsrvl264, @flyingpansaurus

[starpros-sunshine]

sebby can i turn u into a lobster

Can I be a crab instead I don't like lobsters they're not really my type of shell animal

[wifeyoozi]

House husband! Kim mingyu x reader drabble (comf + fluff + smut)

Imagine coming home after a long day at work. You had worked an extra shift after your boss has embarrassingly and sexistly reprimanded you in front of your important clients during your meeting. You are tired as hell, your eyes are aching from sitting on your laptop for hours, your feet hurt from wearing your business heels and youre just frustrated.

When you open the door, you are instantly greeted by mingyu who peeks at you from the kitchen, puts away whatever he was cooking and runs to you like a little kid, the sweetest and brightest smile on his face as he greets you and takes your laptop bag from you.

"hey, beautiful," he says, pecking your lips sweetly, "I saw your location near home so I just drew you a warm bath. Go and get fresh and I'll set the table by then." You smile sappily, feeling all your tension lift off your shoulders by the thought of a nice warm bath.

You strip out of your clothes once you reach bathroom and sink into the warm water in the bath tub, sighing in relief. The water helps the soreness in your muscles and you feel like you could sleep then and there if not for your stomach making protest noises from hunger. You lazily lather up some soap on your hands and legs and wash up before getting out of the tub and drying yourself up with the warm towel which you could bet was freshly out of the drier. You sigh dreamily, whatever good deeds did you commit to get a perfect husband like mingyu.

You pull over one of Mingyu's oversized tee's and slip on a pair of pajama shorts, heading towards the dining when the aroma of the food mingyu prepared. You settled on the dining table where mingyu was just serving you a plate of something new he made. He'd been trying to learn to make new cuisines from recipes he'd see online and have you taste them and they are always amazing.

"it's something greek! I saw a recipe and i know you like eggplants so i wanted to make it for you!" He told you and you chuckled. You took a bite of the creamy casserole-like dish, a satisfied moan immediately leaving your lips when the rich flavours reached your tastebuds. "Do you like it? Do you like it?"

You giggled at your man's excitement, "oh, I love it! So good, it feels like home!" Mingyu giggled and pecked your forehead before sitting beside you with his own plate. You two engage in mundane talks about your day and you tell mingyu about the horrible day you had at work and how he's already made you feel so much better about it.

"I never liked James anyways, your previous boss was better. Sad that she had to retire," mingyu comments. He then grins naughtily, nudgi g your feet with his own, "also, in case you are not too tired, I can make you happier~."

"really? I'd love me some fun dessert," you say winking.

Once you two were done eating and cleaning the table and loading the dishwasher, he picked you up in his arms, bridal style, and took you to your bed, throwing you on the soft sheets before kissing you like no tomorrow. You laugh into the kiss out of pure joy of how excited your husband gets when you are like this.

He pulls over his tshirt, revealing his hot abs and gorgeous body and pulls down his sweatpants, leaving him in his black CK boxers which did nothing to hide the big size of his hardened cock. You reached out to grab it, but mingyu held your wrist. "Uh-uh, beautiful, tonight is 'bout you."

He pushed your shoulders till you are laying flat against the bed and push your tshirt up to reveal your boobs. He kisses down the sensitive soft skin of your chest, nibbling and marking the flesh near your areolas and sucking on your nipples when you tangled your fingers in his shirt black hair. He moved south, kissing your bloated tummy (thanks to the amazing food your husband makes for you) and down your navel.

He takes the waist band of your shorts in his teeth and effortlessly pulls them off your legs, not having to deal with your underwear since you didn't wear any after your shower. Mingyu would tease you about it any other day but right now he's just too hungry to tast you to care about it.

He kissed down your thighs, bruising the delicate skin with his teeth. As desperate he was for your pussy, he never compromises on foreplay. When he was satisfied with his artwork on your thighs, he finally moved his mouth to your cunt, licking a stripe, his tongue dipping under your outer labia, moaning at the taste. Nothing he would ever cook could compare to the heaven that hid between your legs.

He used his hands to spread your legs wider and hooking then over his shoulders for support. He lapped at your juices like a starved dog, continuously praising you for getting so wet and how great you tasted. He entered his middle and ring finger, palm up in your cunt, thrusting in and out and curling them at the spongy part which made your thighs shakez while he got down on sucking on your clitoris, determined to make you cum before he could fuck you.

You cum surprisingly cum quicker than usual, your thighs shaking and hips stuttering over mingyu's face. You whined when mingyu put his tongue over your sensitive clit again. "Baby, p-please, fuck me already. I need you dick."

"I'll give you what you need baby, but I want to make you cum once more before that."

"ah! I'd love that, but I'll actually fall asleep after another orgasm, and I need that one to be from your dick." You whine. As much as you enjoy letting mingyu pull orgasm after orgasm from you before he even got his cock in you, you were too tired today. And as much mingyu loves seeing you cum over and over on his tongue and fingers, he doesn't want to tire you out too much. It's still Wednesday, and you need to go to work tomorrow, and he'd hate to have you get insufficient rest.

So he reluctantly pulls away from your beautiful pussy and takes off his boxers, his dick springing up against his hard abs. As often as you have seen your husband's penis, it never gets tiring to such over that beautiful length and thick girth. You reach your hand to stroke him a little, spreading his already leaking precum throughout the length.

He grabs your hips, slotting his cock head against your entrance and slowly thrusting in. You moan as the pleasurable sting of the stretch from his dick clouds up your mind. Mingyu stays inside for a second, leaning down over your body to kiss you. He starts fucking you, a little slow at first till you catch up with him, before putting into your hips like an animal in heat.

His loud groans matches your moans, your manicured nails sure to leave back scratches all over your back as you grip him tightly for support. Mingyu's hands venture back to grab your ass because he just can't help it and grips it tightly enough to bruise them with his finger prints.

You both reach your orgasm almost simultaneously, him helping you by rubbing your little clit. You cum first, breathing heavily as the dopamine release feel fluid in your veins. Mingyu cums soon after, your walls spasming around him post-orgasm stimulating him just the right amount to paint your insides white. The creamy seme leaks as he exits you gently.

He kisses your face gently, leaving to get a wash cloth. He cleans between your legs up with the warm and wet towel before getting another softer towel to dry it. You are already asleep by the time he comes back. He pulls down your tshirt to cover a decent amount of you and slides into the bed beside you, pulling the covers over you as he pulls you close for cuddles. You wake up momentarily to adjust yourself closer to him, wishing him a good night before you both fall asleep, happy and comfortable in each other's arms.

Now stop imagining cuz ain't no mingyu becoming our cute little house-husband

[littlehermione]

You’re so filthy, I bet you’re a secret !nc3st slut. That’s it, huh? You want your mommy and daddy to use you? Wanna be knocked up with your own siblings and turned into the family fucktoy? You’d be the best free use entertainment at family reunions, getting off to your uncles and grandparents and little cousins all using you for their pleasure. Isn’t that right, slut?

I'd love to be the family fuck toy and be abused by those closest to me up from a young age. Just growing up to please and fullfil all of their filthy desires. Having no say at all. Being teased and used and forced to do nasty things like it's the most normal thing to do.

Daddy needs a to relieve some stress after a long day of work? Please use me, I don't want you to be stressed. Mommy is jealous that one of her friends has a younger gf? I'll eat out your pussy, nothing tastes sweeter. Your little girl loves your pussy and big boobs, you don't need to feel jealous or less pretty. Grandpa is bored and wants to try something new? Oh, of course I'll entertain you by rubbing my wet cunt in front of the family dog and see how he likes it. Grandma doesn't want to get up to pee? Have your little granddaughter drink it, I'll be a good girl and thank you for it. Big bro is frustrated that his gf cheated on him? No problem, let's just make a sex tape of you brutally fucking all my holes and cumming on my face, that'll give her payback. Cousin wants to have his first time? You can choose if you want my pussy or ass first. Uncle wants kids so badly, but can't find a suitable wife? Just keep cumming in my unprotected cunt every day.

It's my duty to serve my family ☺️🤤 Just kept horny and abused every day by everyone close to me 😵‍💫

[mcflymemes]

PROMPTS FROM BILLIE EILISH'S HIT ME HARD AND SOFT *  assorted lines from the album, some slightly adapted, adjust as necessary

baby, i think you were made for me.

i wish you the best for the rest of your life.

i need to confess, i told you a lie.

you were the love of my life.

i can't fall in love with you.

i see the way you want me.

i gotta be careful, gotta watch what i say.

god, i hope it all goes away.

did i break your heart?

you're just so sweet.

i don't need to breathe when you look at me.

keep it brief.

you seem so paranoid.

if this is how i die, that's all right.

open up the door for me.

i just want you to touch me.

i've never paid this much attention to you, ever.

i want you to stay.

i'll love you 'til the day i die.

i want you to see how you look to me.

you're so full of shit.

if you go, i'm going too.

we should stick together.

did you take my love away from me?

i never did you wrong.

fell in love for the first time with a friend.

it's a good time.

you told me it was war.

if it's forever, it's even better.

i don't know what i'm crying for.

call me when you're there.

i bought you something rare.

it's a craving, not a crush.

people say i look happy.

the old me is still me and maybe the real me.

i think she's pretty.

can you open up the door?

am i acting my age now?

i'll run a shower for you like you want.

if i'm allowed, i'll help you take them off.

bring that over here.

i need to be alone now, i'm taking a break.

am i already on the way out?

when i step off the stage, i'm a bird in a cage.

you said i was your secret.

the internet is hungry for the meanest kind of funny.

do you still cry?

i loved you for so long.

i could eat that girl for lunch.

tastes like she might be the one.

i don't know why i called.

i don't know you at all.

i could never get enough.

you need a seat? i'll volunteer.

i'm interested in more than just being your friend.

do you know how to bend?

when i come back around, will i know what to say?

there's a part of me that recognizes you.

do you feel it, too?

when you told me it was serious, were you serious?

they tell me it's all been a trap.

no, don't say that.

did i waste your time?

i tried to be there for you.

you said you'd never fall in love again because of me.

i love you, don't act so surprised.

things fall apart and time breaks your heart.

i wasn't there, but i know.

you don't need to remind me.

i should put it all behind me, shouldn't i?

did i cross the line?

good things don't last.

life moves so fast.

every time you touch me, i just wonder how she felt.

i know you didn't mean to hurt me, so i kept it to myself.

i'm trying my best to keep you satisfied.

you don't wanna know how alone i've been.

we don't have to fight when it's not worth fighting for.

you don't wanna know what i would've done.

i loved you and i still do.

just wanted passion from you.

it's not my fault, i did what i could.

you made it so hard like i knew you would.

after i left, it was obvious.

we're so glad it's over now.

say you miss me.

don't be afraid of me.

please don't call the cops.

bet i could change your life.

i tried to save you, but i failed.

i hope you'll read it this time.

i left a calling card so they would know that it was me.

i memorized your number.

if something happens to him, you can bet that it was me.

i'd like to mean it when i say i'm over you.

i thought we were the same.

he never learned to sympathize with anyone.

i don't blame you, but i can't change you.

it's over now.

[juanarc-thethird]

IS NOTHING!!!

Cinder: *Writing* I didn't want to eat with him, but I didn't have a choice

- Day dreaming -

Cinder is sitting in one of the dining room chairs. The room is decorated with the finest things she has ever seen. Across the small table from her, sat the most heroic knight, Sir Arc.

Jaune: You look beautiful~

Cinder: FUCK YOU! (Of course I look beautiful)

Cinder was wearing a beautiful black dress with hints of red. Just the size of her, a gift Sir Arc gave her. Cinder, feeling "pressured" by the gift, had put it on him.

Cinder: (How I'd rather wear my clothes, and not this silly pretty dress)

Cinder looks at her food and a question leaves her mouth.

Cinder: I bet you poisoned this

Jaune doesn't say anything, but takes a piece of her food. Thus proving that the food is actually safe to digest. Cinder then tastes the food.

Cinder: (Damn~💕 The food is just as good as it looks!)

But that thought only makes her angrier.

Cinder: (Who does he think he is! I don't need his fancy food!)

Jaune smiles at her. A sexy evil smile that highlighted his sensual jawline.

Cinder: *Blushing* (Damn it! I can't keep thinking like this. He literally kidnapped me! I mean, I was trapped in that tower with that evil Witch, but I never asked for this! I don't need him! His beautiful home! His delicious food! Or his beautiful dresses! Or the fact that I finally felt loved for the first time in years!!)

Jaune: Something bothers you, my love?

He says as he takes her hand, touching it lovingly.

Cinder: *red* (Damn it! I don't need this!)

she says to herself

Cinder: (I'm an independent warrior! I hunt for myself and I always will. I'll plot my escape... Just as soon as he stoops looking at me with those piercing...)

Jaune: *Worry* Cinder, are you ok?

Cinder: (Beautiful...)

Jaune: *Gets closer and puts his hand on her forehead* You're very red, do you have a fever?

Cinder: (Eyes~💕)

Jaune: Maybe you should lie down.

He lifts her in his arms like a princess to her bedroom.

Cinder: *Hold on to him tightly with a blush on her face* (God damn it!, I hate him...

- Back to Reality -

Salem: Cinder, what are you doing in your room?

Cinder: *Panics* NOTHING!!

She screams while trying to hide what she was writing

[neverchecking]

Heya! I love your writing style! I see this is a new blog so I hope youre having fun writing all of this!! <3 I wanted to request something with Twilight if that's okay? Id love to see a more sub side to him, everyone writes him as being some sort of a don, but I bet he has his weaknesses too ;) but tbh I'd love anything with twilight ❤ have a nice day and take care of yourself!!

Hi, thank you! I am fairly new to the tumblr scene, so I'm hoping I'm doing okay. I am also having tons of fun so far!

You absolutely can request something with Twilight! Especially sub! Twilight! Take care of yourself as well, darling~

If I become the blog known for turning the Links into subs I will cry /pos

they're just so submissive and breedable yk?

Also since there was no specification on Yandere type, I went, once again, with a softer Yandere! (I know I said mostly but Yandere has me in a hyper fixation chokehold so thats what I will write for now).

Smut so MDNI!

Smut CW: Mentions of slight breeding beforehand, Twilight likes being called a Good Boy, so praise, cunnilingus (I tried keeping it pretty GN, but I did write it with a AFAB! Reader.

Good Doggy

Since his journey to the Twilight Realms and this current one, Twilight had learned several things.

One: Turning into a beast of the Twilight had consequences. Ones he never would've thought about previously.

His appetite had grown exponentially, his senses were beyond heightened (He could hear your every breath, smell you from miles away, see you in the densest of fogs, practically taste you when you leaned in close enough he could feel the heat of your body pressing against his), and he was territorial. Beyond so. And it showed.

It showed in the low growl in his throat when Warriors dared to walk too close to you. In the warning flash of teeth he would show Legend when one of his quips teetered the edge between funny and hurtful. In the absolute glower he would shoot Time when he DARED to pair you with anyone other than him on patrol. You were his, his to care for and to protect. To worship and to glorify. His, his, his, his alone. He didn't share.

Well, not with just anybody. His cub had somehow wiggled his way in, playing around with you in Twilight's sight and that made something else show. Something entirely new. Something that had him yearning to give you your own cub to play and care for. While, yes, Wild was more than capable of taking care of himself, something in Twilight's hindbrain kicked into high gear whenever he saw you mothering over the Champion like it was something you had always done.

It was positively tantalizing.

It had him yearning just to pump you full of seed until you had no choice but to carry. Carry his brood, something that tied you two together for life. And that was really all he needed, wasn't it? To be tied to someone, especially such a divine being like yourself, for life. Tied so you couldn't leave him behind. He couldn't handle being left again. Not by you. He needed you to eat and breath, to exist in a way that kept him going. You were his driving force. His Mate.

Which brought him to his next point.

Two: Turning into a beast of the Twilight had consequences. Ones he never would've bet on himself having.

Because he ached to please you in every way possible. The canine in him just wanted you to be pleased with him, to praise him, to call him your 'Good boy' as you instructed him on what to do. On how to make you shiver against him, on how to make your thighs clench around him, on how to make you think of him and him alone.

Goddess, just the thought of being the sole reason for your relief had an invisible tail thwapping about wildly. Had him drooling. What good could he be if he couldn't please you after all? No good. And that wasn't what he wanted. He wanted to be your good boy.

No other title mattered.

And finally third.

Three: Turning into a beast of the Twilight had consequences. Ones that were so delicious golden and perfect that he had to thank the light spirits in some way, shape or form for them.

He had stamina now. Nothing could stop him. Not your nails, clawing into his scalp as you gently pulled at his hair. Not your thighs, clutching around his head in a suffocating hold so that he couldn't pull away (Not that he would ever dream of doing so). Not the sounds of your whimpers and whines as you pleaded with him. Pleaded with him to stop, then continue, then faster, more, hold on- Every instruction that spilled from your lips was followed to the absolute T.

Your eyes, dazed and lidded, looked down at him, swimming with lust as you gently combed his hair after ordering him to stop. Take a breath, you said. He didn't want to breath. Not when he could have this alternative. Not when he could die a happy man, being absolutely smothered by you.

"You look so good down there, Twi. Being such a good boy for me."

Your smirk told him that you knew exactly what those words did to him. Not that it wasn't hard to see. He audibly whined, like a canine being denied a treat, craning his neck for just one more lick. Just one more swipe of his tongue to catch just one more hit of you in your purest essence. Just one more please- He'd do absolutely anything for you! You just had to ask! All he asked for in turn was one MORE TASTE-

"I'm not taking it from you, my sweet boy. Just take a breather. Can't have you passing out on me."

Why not? Why not when that was what he wanted? Who needed a breather? Not him. And while you may not have been taking it from him now, you would eventually and he could not squander this moment. That would make him a damned fool.

"There you go, that's my good boy. You're doing so well for me."

He was doing well. You were praising him, bestowing him with your grace for something he was doing!

The second your grip loosened, he was right back to lapping at you, watching you carefully for any sign that you wanted him to change or stop completely. Anything, anything at all. He would follow. You ask him to sit? He is down on the ground. Shake? He'd do it. Speak? He is praising your gospel.

"Good doggy."

[star-suh]

Can you please write another Lucas x male reader smut please? College AU with a size kink and sweat kink and the male reader becomes a dominant sub for a while and is bratty and bitchy which Lucas likes it when his bitch boys get all feisty

not a birthday cake

wong yukhei x male reader

cw: college au, size kink, sweat kink, dom reader for a moment, kinda brat reader, hair pulling (lucas receiving), slapping, blowjob, rimjob, face sitting, nipple play, degrading.

—

"he's so fucking hot" thought lucas, who was watching y/n doing some stretching in the sports class, he was staring directly at his ass "that's a whole damn bakery" he went to y/n's side, bend over (lucas is 6'0 and y/n is smaller) and whispered to him "that's a lot of cake and it's not my birthday yet" y/n laughed and replied "oh really? thanks haha. this cake it's not for birthdays tho" he looked at lucas disgusted and went to the other side of the field.

the days passed and lucas was trying to convince y/n to let him use his pretty ass but he always denied. "you really like playing hard" said lucas, "maybe" replied y/n who was ready to leave but then lucas yelled at him something that made him stop "jokes on you, i like that shit" y/n kept walking so lucas wouldn’t see him blushing. deep down y/n wanted to feel lucas inside him since that day when he saw lucas wearing shorts and his bulge was notorious, he wasn't wearing underwear, it looked so big and fat that it made y/n drool at that moment. but he likes playing hard to get so here we are.

some days later the class was taking a vacational trip for a week and y/n has to share the dorm with lucas. "i'm hungry, can you give me some of that?" lucas signaled y/n's ass, "you won't be able to handle it, just give up" mocked y/n. "are you challenging me?" lucas stood up from his bed, "'cause i'd take the challenge gladly" he said coming closer to y/n who decided to rail him up more "nah, i don't think so. bet you won't be able to make me see stars" y/n ghosted his lips on lucas'. "bet" said the taller who went to lock the door.

y/n was riding lucas' face "if you wanted my cake that bad make sure to eat it good" he says sitting hard on lucas' face to make sure his tongue goes deep into his hole, the taller was just laughing seeing the bottom's attempt to dom him. when his hole was sloppy and agape y/n went to down to suck lucas' cock the manly musk of it making him feel dizzy wanting to taste from balls to head tracing every vein with his tongue. y/n sucked lucas for some minutes, leaving the cock wet to use it as a lub. he guided the tip to his hole and sunk in it little by little but then lucas just thrusted to put it all in at once making y/n shiver for the sudden stretch, "what happened mr. dom i thought i was the one who couldn't handle it".

y/n slapped lucas who licked his lips "shut the fuck up and suck them" he pulled lucas by his hair and guide his mouth to his nipples, lucas just sucked them and bite them without losing the pace of his thrust.

some time passed and lucas was fucking y/n against the wall, making sure to reach y/n's sweet spot with his tip all while y/n was licking the sweat off of the taller's neck "you're so fucking big in both size and height" exclaimed y/n tracing the bulging veins on lucas' arms with his fingers "destroy my hole lucas please" begged the small guy. lucas just laughed "look at you, acting like a slut now when you were so feisty and hard to get before. what. happened. to. the. original. plot." he says the last phrase with a hard thrust between each word. he grabs y/n's jaw so they can make eye contact "be glad i like my bitch boys like that or else i would've punished you already" y/n just nodded sticking his tongue out so lucas can suck it. 

lucas put y/n on the bed, face down and ass up and kept fucking him, making sure that y/n not only saw stars but the entire universe. he then puts one of his foot on y/n's head to fuck him more hard. he then just pull out his cock and watch y/n's whole clenching at nothing and spit inside of it to immediately put his dick back in and repeat everything from the beginning, skipping the spitting part this time. y/n started to jerk off feeling that familiar sensation in his stomach and came right at the spot when one of lucas' thrusts reached his sweet spot. when he was ready to cum, lucas lifts y/n up and makes him lean against his chest and whispers "ready to get that cake frosted with my cream whore?" with every thrust he does he slaps y/n's ass cheeks leaving them tinted in bright red and y/n just moaned like an impatient bitch waiting to get filled. finally he came and it was a lot, cum spilling out of y/n's hole and dripping down lucas' dick.

y/n fell down to the bed tired, "next time be careful when you challenge me. i never lose" said lucas licking y/n's ear and slapping his red ass "want me to put more baby batter inside you or want me to take out what you have inside already?" asked the older, seeing that y/n didn't answered he went to see him and see that he was sleeping already. man just laughed and thought "this vacational trip isn't bad after all" he grabbed wet wipes, cleaned y/n and left the bedroom to go find something to eat.

[mad-hatter-memes]

BDylanHollis Starters

A collection of dialogue prompts from the videos of BDylanHollis. Feel free to edit quotes if needed.

TW: Suggestive references and drug references,

"This recipe is making me cry, not the onions..."

"Are we sure this recipe wasn't written by a cat?"

"Buy me dinner first."

"It's ten PM and I'm boiling prunes in my kitchen..."

"You know, it's not bad...It just vaguely tastes like a felony."

"Tastes like a boot! Like a size ten boot!"

"I didn't know tuberculosis had a color scheme."

"I think I summoned something..."

"Are you still here?...Dammit!"

"You could just use canned pineapple...if you're a communist."

"It doesn't tell you how to eat it...So I don't know if I need a knife and fork or if I need to tie my hair back."

"Do I call the police or a priest?"

"Can we at least have coffee first?"

"I bet this recipe is just all the wrong answers on a baking test."

"Well I don't have sorghum, cause I don't have a life expectancy of twelve!"

"Sweetie, none of this is my liking."

"Are you just making things up? Who are you?!"

"You know I've never been particularly religious, but today might be the day..."

"This ain't food, honey. This is a bioweapon!"

"I am in utter fear..."

"Hello, you are very green sir."

"Did you just kill my blender?"

"This is personal now, you swung first!"

"Welcome to the world; it's awful!"

"Were you really worried that I was gonna mix a fully constructed pie shell into this?!"

"I'm a fool, not a idiot!"

"Thought this was a joke, turns out I'M the joke...'

"Or what? I'm gonna ruin your disaster?"

"This is from 1938, it's only electrocuted me twice!"

"If I cut off my feet do we still have to do this?"

"Celery's just like your parents; dirtier than you think!"

"What have you perfected?! Garbage?!"

"Now in my personal experience, depression and ice cream are a match made in heaven."

"If there's one thing I've learned, it's that Jell-O is inevitable!"

"Sweetie, this needs a lot of things but water isn't one of them..."

"It doesn't need salt, it needs help!"

"Normally I'm quite comfortable handling meat, but this is physically disturbing me..."

"This is giving me emotions previously unknown to man..."

"Are you supposed to eat this on crackers or on drugs?"

"What are you trying to do, live longer?"

"What do you take me for? Grown?"

"He looks like if you get a tattoo, you'll be written out of the will."

"Precisely what realm of mathematics do you inhabit?"

"Did you just throw a grenade down aisle 6?!"

"I'm not concerned about your precious Grind-o-Mat!"

"The only thing this is going to rise up from is the dead."

"You know they invented a tool for that, it's called a whisk."

"Bacon is always a good idea!"

"What exactly are we trying to raise up, hope?"

"What is it with dead people and their obsession with this?!"

"Yes I know it's hot you git, it's an oven!"

"No I have never had these, you must remember I'm not an American."

"I am a [Nationality] and we grew up with things like party rings and custard creams."

"Is the pudding related or did you just want a snack?"

"Were you subject to a fall from a great height?"

"I'm serious, don't disrespect the Irish. They can be mean..."

"Don't worry, my hands are the only touch I know."

"This is sacrilegious! Preposterous! Daft!"

"Yeah it's alright, but it's all wrong!"

"I'm not sure if you know, but beef is a COW. You know, the mooing?!"

"Smells like a Palm Springs retirement home..."

"It could be because I like illicit substances, or like psychiatric disturbances, being held at gunpoint, these types of things..."

"Ow! Ow! It's got ranged attacks!"

"What you've never put cereal in a blender before?"

"I don't like boxes, people get buried in them..."

"If it looks like oil, it must be good!"

"Thank you, I'd hate to have an uneven disaster. That would be terrible..."

"It's hot! I'm sunburnt! There's bugs!"

"I'm feeling like a rotisserie chicken out here!"

"Are you supposed to eat this for Christmas or for punishment?"

"It's so good, it's in danger of becoming my dinner!"

"Who's fingers they are we'll never know...They might even be Charlotte's!"

"Where do bugs go in the winter? And why are birds?"

"But [Name}, what if I'm allergic to peanuts?"

"You and your ancestors have obviously done something to deserve such a malady."

"It looks like I microwaved a squirrel...again."

"What part of Italy are you from? Kentucky?!"

[shineonyoucrazyyandere]

I would NOT go from ANY yandere's grasp if they feed me what i like, like either i'd be too absorbed in eating or i'd be too tired after eating to really want to escape 😭 i don't really care what they'd do (love u btw)

Relatable honestly, man if that’s all it takes for a Yandere to keep you around, you’ll best bet they’re going to give it their all making you food to keep you around. Here’s a little comfy ramble…

I feel like most Jojo characters would be able to cook even if it’s just following a recipe. Foo Fighters does her best flipping through countless cookbooks, and watching videos of whatever your favorite things are. That’s what people do to bond right? Have good tasting food! It’ll surely bring you both closer together.

There’s a few that aren’t great with cooking, Mista occasionally burns certain things, he’ll admit cooking isn’t exactly his skill but figures everything out something eventually . (He finds it a pain to cook cheese sauces since they can burn easily) If it’s too complicated he’s taking you out to a restaurant that specializes in it.

Okuyasu isn’t the best with cooking at the start, mixing up spices, or under/overcooking. He manages to somehow convince Tonio to teach him properly. Being a good partner means making their favorite food properly in his mind so he’s not going to slack on that if it keeps you happy.

Since we’re mentioning food here might as well mention Tonio Trussardi here. This is the best way for him to be Yandere honestly right within his territory. Using Pearl Jam or not, it fills him with joy with whatever dish or snack you like. The way your shoulders relax once you eat sends this chefs heart fluttering like never before. He’s not really worried if you happen to be fond of something more factory made/processed his approximations are almost always better than the packaged things. (It’s better this way in his book anyhow).

I also feel like Gyro would probably take advantage of your lowered guard around your favorite food. He considers himself descent at his homelands dishes and of course Johnny likes his coffee he prepares, so often he ends up insisting to cook, practically taking over it from before on your journey. (Which works for him, you don’t need to worry about talking to whoever else anyway). He can’t wipe that stupid big grin from his face as you sit to eat your favorite thing. (That’s if you even notice from how tasty it is)

Koichi is another character who would take up some form of cooking for you. Maybe he just happens to eavesdrop one afternoon after class and see what exactly you’re eating? Then he makes himself useful and buys everything, then prepares it at home. Then hey, what do you know? One day or another you both happen to bump into each other and can even sit together for lunch for a little while.

(Here’s a part 8 character I feel like is underrated)

Karera is another character I definitely see using food to her advantage with you. She’ll get your favorite meals at whatever shop for free somehow (with a bit of handiwork from her stand love love deluxe). Oh hey, she just happened to buy something you like that was sold out most places, how about you sit and eat it with her? Making lunch/dinner? Duh she’ll make it for you, as long as you’re eating what she made with her own two hands (or bought/scammed herself) she’s happy.

If that’s what makes it easy to keep you around Jotaro doesn’t really mind. He’s right on it to getting/making it for you. Holly of course inserts herself pulling out recipes, she’d know you’d love. Just a small suggestion to her son of course as she winks. He’ll be right in the kitchen with her preparing everything, or quickly walking out to get whatever’s needed. Just don’t make yourself sick from eating too fast.

[mysteryshoptls]

SSR Ruggie Bucchi Bloom Birthday Voice Lines

When Summoned: Today's my birthday. I want ya to party hard with no regrets!

Summon Line: I accept presents 365 days a year! If ya forget to bring me somethin', you can always swing by some other day n' give it to me.

Groooovy!!: If I gotta showcase my stuff in fronta everyone... Then, I gotta fly the way only I know how!

Home: Whaddya think, cool, right?

Home Idle 1: The eco-bag I got from my classmate is definitely the best. It's a bit of a nice surprise to get a present where I'd need both hands to hold it!

Home Idle 2: This outfit makes me feel like a real capable mage. Bet if I went home n' put this on for her, my gran'd be in for a shock.

Home Idle 3: One of the first years did my club clean up duties for me. It was a kinda lame gift, but... Guess it's nice to have some free time.

Home Idle - Login: I gotta go collect all my presents, eat all the good food, and bring home all the leftovers... Maaan, birthdays sure keep me busy～!

Home Idle - Groovy: Oh, what, you got another gift for me? I'll happily take anythin' from you, so don't shy away!

Home Tap 1: Epel-kun's so awesome, he shared with me a ton of apples from his hometown! Now, who else do I know that was raised on a farm...

Home Tap 2: I never thought I'd ever get my hands on something as high-end as this jerky from the Sunset Savanna... I'm sooo happy I'm Leona-san's underclassman.

Home Tap 3: This spice set that Jamil-kun gave me is too good! ...This cheap meat I got on sale tastes just like it came from a restaurant!

Home Tap 4: Humph! You sure got a ton on your plate there... Hey, you better not eat so much. You'll end up takin' all my portions too.

Home Tap 5: I'm busy packin' up some food, so don't both... Eh, you brought some more storage containers? Shishishi, you sure know what I like!

Home Tap - Groovy: Man, it's supposed to be my very happy birthday and all... But then Rook-san said we should play tag, or whatever, and I felt this chill go down my spine.

Duo: [RUGGIE]: Rook-san, give me something for my birthday! [ROOK]: Ruggie-kun, I shall sing your praises in verse!

Birthday Login Message: Whew, you really helped me out there, carryin' the gifts I went n' collected from the other students 'round campus. Eh? You helpin' me was your gift...? Wait, wait, wait, those are two totally different things! ...Oh, you were kidding. Hey, you really hurt me just now, so you gotta give me another gift to make up for it, 'kay.

Requested by @shockzahato.

[demonslayedher]

Tengen's Favorite: Fugu

A.k.a., the pufferfish, a flamboyant way to flirt with death by tetrodotoxin.

"Sempai, you didn't!" you might be shaking your screens as a way to shake sense into me. "Sempai, I thought you wouldn't risk your life for Kimetsu Kitchen!" So you say, but I'd like to remind you that I am a bad cook and I could probably find less flamboyant methods of culinary death. But also I am here to educate, and guess what? This isn't my first time eating fugu. It's time to knock the flamboyance down a notch by telling you that fugu is more commonly consumed than you might think, as well as give you the details about Uzui Tengen's favorite food in a safe way.

Because yes, you should mind safety.

Cutting out the liver and other toxic organs is a very precise, very crucial process, so let's allow Hinatsuru to concentrate and ask our local fish-fan and poison expert to tell us more.

"Thank you for asking! Did you know pufferfish don't make this neurotoxin themselves? They get it from eating things like mollusks and bacteria, so I'll bet in the future raising these fish in farms with controlled diets will be popular. The tetrodotoxin, or TTX, blocks the passage of sodium ions into a nerve cell, thereby not letting signals to contract reach the muscles. Although there is no antidote, it's a poison humans can metabolize rather quickly, provided they have artificial respiratory assistance. The paralysis and all the other symptoms sure won't be fun, though!"

Thanks, Shinobu! Taisho Secret: Shinobu's goldfish is named Fugu.

She's right about the farmed fugu, and I've heard it said that people who can taste a difference between farmed fugu and wild fugu tend to prefer it farmed anyway. What's also important to note is that there are many varieties of fugu, and "torafugu" (tiger puffer) is the safest variety, and what is typically consumed. Although some people say the livers are the best part, they are typically rich people who wind up eating their words later on. Don't listen to them, they are dead.

We'll pause here to acknowledge the history, because not everyone who has ingested wild fugu has doomed themselves to consciously watching themselves suffocate over the course of a few hours. There are records of use their use in Chinese medicine, and even though Toyotomi Hideyoshi (one of the three great unifiers of Japan) formally banned their consumption and the Tokugawa shogunate upheld this ban, people continued to consume them anyway, especially in areas where the Tokugawa shogun was not popular. (I'd like to imagine some Uzui ancestors ate fugu out of spite.)

One region not especially privy to the shogunate was the Choshu domain, in modern day Yamaguchi prefecture. This domain played a major role in overthrowing the shogunate and establishing the Meiji government, and the first prime minister, Itou Hirobumi, was from Yamaguchi. The story goes that in 1887, it was on visit down at the very western tip of Japan's main island that he stayed at an inn and wanted fish, and the lady of the establishment had no fish to serve him except the illegal pufferfish. She decided it was better to risk what might look like an attempted assassination of the top guy in the country than to serve him a subpar meal.

Well, bam, it was so good that pufferfish was legal the following year! By my calculations and presumed dates that KnY takes place, that means it was already legal before Tengen was born. Sorry, buddy, you don't get to be that edgy.

As for how to eat it, the most iconic way is to eat it raw, sliced so thin that you can still see elaborate patterns on the dishes through the translucent flesh. This is called "tessa." It's often arranged in elegant patterns evocative of chrysanthemums, or on festive occasions, like a phoenix. It's most often a winter dish, but you can get it all year round. It has a very, very light, rather unflamboyant flavor, and is therefore typically eaten with a special variety of onions grown to accompany it, and other condiments like ponzu, citrus, and momiji-oroshi (grated daikon with chili pepper).

The main draw is the texture of the fish. As someone who enjoys sashimi, I did find the texture of tessa very, very nice when I recently got a chance to try it. The same meal also served the skin, and the flesh cooked into a rice porridge dish.

I wonder if Hinatsuru is almost done?

Not yet. Then let's talk about incidents and safety!

Basically, if you're not in Japan: DON'T DO IT. Heck, if you're in the European Union, it's illegal in the first place. There are very, ve-r-r-r-y slim opportunities of eating it in the United States after it is sourced from Japan, and although frozen tessa can travel, really, why bother eating in New York City? If you have that budget to spend, just fly to Japan. Anywhere else... just don't do it. The restaurant fatalities in recent years have primarily been in countries that don't have as stringent of a training and certification process as Japan. Japan also has a small handful of cases each year, but they don't usually end in fatalities because the accidental poisonings may not always be a large dose, and the victims received medical attention that got them through the crucial hours of paralysis. Also, those cases have typically been due to overconfident fishermen, not mistakes made by industry professionals.

But if you're in Japan----oh! It looks like Hinatsuru is done.

All of those examples? Things I have eaten in real life, often under the mistaken impression that "fugu" referred to two different kinds of fish (as happens sometimes), as there was no way I'd have eaten fugu without signing a waiver first, right???

No. Not at all. It is totally realistic to find yourself in a situation where you are served fugu without realizing what it is (though I imagine most tourists don't find themselves in these situations unless they have a guide who planned things without asking about dietary preferences). To demystify this fish a bit, there is so much fugu consumed without incident that you can get to a point where the possibility of poison doesn't even cross your mind. They sell it at a regular grocery story just down the street from where I live in a place that is not famous for fugu or anything like that. (Also, no one brings it up as much, but raw eel is toxic too! You never see it available for sale unless it's been precooked or specially marinated. Again, industry standards.)

Granted, I was still nervous about eating tessa, and the danger is still part of the thrill of fugu, though the industry stresses its merits as a tasty and (otherwise) healthy fish. I get the feeling that if Tengen lived in the Reiwa era, he'd find pufferfish disappointingly lower risk now than suits his thrill. Nonetheless, although I'll eat it if it's served to me, it is not something I go out of my way to eat.

But I will state it again: ONLY eat pufferfish that has been prepared by a professional in Japan. Otherwise, DO NOT.

[improbable-implosions]

In the spirit of @curioscurio 's soup posting lately, I would like to tell y'all about a little tradition of mine, then tell you how I pull it off, so you'll have to excuse me while I go all recipe blog on you, for just a moment.

Video description: A video of a recently oven-warmed bowl of french onion soup, with a moment from The Adventure Zone: Amnesty overlaid in the audio. In this audio clip, Justin McElroy as Duck Newton says the following:

"All I could think about was all the french onion soup I missed, and... if I died, all the french onion soup I'd miss out on in the future! I-I-I swear to god, but I turned down saving the world to eat french onion soup."

After first hearing this particular episode of TAZ, I had to head into town for my once a week upload spree, for at that time, my internet was horrible enough that even getting video up through a coffee shop's internet was an improvement to blocking the connection all weekend at home.

Normally, I'd go into a starbucks, hole up with my tea, scone, and settle in for the long, slow process of these uploads, but this time, that french onion soup really stuck in the back of my head, so I hit up the local panera instead, to give the french onion soup a shot, as I'd never had it before. Perhaps unsurprisingly, I burned the roof of my mouth, but with what was left of my taste buds, I IMMEDIATELY understood how Duck felt. There's something about even a mediocre soup that grounds you into the moment you're living, and for that day, I managed to have a much better time than usual, despite slogging through the ice, snow, and wind to halfway sneakernet my work onto a platform, unsure if any of it'd get seen.

From that first bite, I KNEW I had to have this more often. Sure, the panera version was just average, but I bet I could find a better way if I made it at home. Fast forward to new year's eve, where I found myself at home, all day. Used to be, my mom's side of the family would have a big bash for NYE, but the plague coming down killed that pretty solidly, so I needed something else to do. I normally would watch the Twilight Zone marathon, but I figured this time, well, french onion soup takes so much darned time, might as well spend my day on it!

So, I threw together the ingredients, (roughly based on binging with babish's, just a few edges sanded off, promise, I'll get to explaining it soon) and lo and behold, it's TRULY something that can and should be a highlight of your year! As a result, I've now got a new tradition to go with the twilight zone: Every new year's eve, I spend most of the day working on homemade baguettes and french onion soup, to celebrate with a bowl of something beautiful, difficult, and, most of all, present in the moment, in hopes that my year can go just as well as the moments that I start with. (I've also included my partner in this, but she doesn't care for french onion soup, so she chooses a similarly time-consuming or decadent soup I juggle alongside the onions)

In addition to that, since I'm making FAR more than I can safely eat in the coming week, I take half of it, and throw it in the freezer. This half is, usually, for sometime in July. Halfway through the year, when I have some times where things get rough, (I swear, it's always July and October around here, oof) I break out that french onion soup, as a reminder that good things, good things can come again. The last of that middle-of-the-year batch for 2024 is what we see in the video, by the way!

Anyway, enough of me being sappy, you want a RECIPE, don'tcha?

Ingredients:

2 3 pound bags of onions. I tend to go for a mix of red and vidalia onions here, but you can surely use normal white onions, too!

2 to 4 fennel bulbs (optional, but I find they add some nice anise vibes to the soup)

6 to 12 cups of broth depending on how much you cook your onions.

(preferably beef, but I'm not gonna explode if you use a different one. I tend to use whatever I've got in the freezer from making broth outta my various kitchen scraps, usually most of my post-thanksgiving broth)

1 bottle of dry red wine, of which we use 1 cup (I use cabernet sauvignon, hence the extra half stick of butter, but if you want to omit that half stick, sherry is more traditional!)

1 and 1 half sticks of butter

Grueyere cheese, for melting o'er top! (I also add parmesean and, occasionally, whatever other flavorful cheese I've got lying around)

Baguette chunks, to go beneath the cheese but overtop the soup as a crouton. I just use Claire Saffitz's baguette recipe, mildly adapted for my sourdough starter, to make some demibaguette, but you're well within your rights to instead use a bakery baguette.

various herbs and spices, with particular attention to peppercorns, cloves, garlic, parmesean rind, green onion, parsley, and sage (optional, for boosting the stock)

Equipment:

your favorite chewing gum (yes, really)

A dutch oven, or large enough pot to hold all those onions

A second, medium size pot to reheat the frozen broth in

a knife you're comfortable using a LOT, if not a mandolin for how many onions you're chorpin'

Some sort of scraping implement compatible with your dutch oven, wooden spoon is traditional, but I've been known to use a silicone scraper

Step 1: Chop your onions. Chewing your favorite gum so you don't get whammied by onion stank, first cut them in half, along the line of the root and stem, then remove the paper, roots, and stem. Once you've halved all your onions, cut them in to thin-ish slices, along that same "pole to pole" line, somewhere between a quarter and an eighth of an inch thick, in slices I like to call "structural" size. The onions need enough integrity to withstand the LONG caramelization process, but not so much they take a million years to finish caramelizing.

Step 1.5: Chop your optional fennel, in a similar shape to the onions. If it came with stems, keep those for improving the broth in lieu of cloves!

Step 2: Preheat your dutch oven with the stick of butter. Once that butter has begun to foam, toss your many, many onions and fennel in the pot. it's going to look like WAY too much, but I assure you, it cooks down a remarkable amount.

Step 3: Begin caramelizing your onions. This is a LONG process, even on medium heat. Stir intermittently, you don't want them sticking, but you do want them to slowly shed fond onto the pot. I do it until they're starting to progress beyond jammy into something so dark as to nearly resemble the wine we'll be deglazing with. Do I overdo it? maybe! There's a reason I do this once a year, it takes easily half the day!

Step 3.5: If you're using store bought broth here, add it to your second pot, alongside the various spices and herbs, and perhaps a few celery stock and carrot chunks. Leave it on a middling simmer in the back while you're caramelizing onions, so it takes on all those delicious flavors.

Step 4: Once the onions have become donion enough for you, deglaze with that cup of wine. Scrape THOROUGHLY, all that fond has a TON of flavor!

Step 5: Add the half stick of butter immediately after getting the fond up, you've got to counteract those tannins!

Step 6: Add the broth, straining out those spices and additions if you used them. If it doesn't seem soupy enough, add some heated water to balance it out, you've done SO much to build flavor here, it's not going to explode if you dilute a smidge. I like to just see the texture of the onions in the fluid when I stir. Let it come up to a full simmer, if not a light boil, and hold it there until the alcohol has cooked off to your liking. (I let it hold for a Good While, as I like to taste the flavors, not the booze)

Step 7: Plating! Mostly fill an oven safe bowl or ramekin with your delicious, delicious soup, plonk enough baguette chunks overtop to fill the surface area, then grate a (frankly) irresponsible volume of your cheeses on top of that. Toss the whole affair in a 350f oven until the cheese is browned, bubbly, and you can't stand waiting a single second longer!

The world is full of problems for us to solve, my friends. Remember to take a break just before you feel you need it, life is something chipped away at day by day.

[fuck-customers]

🎂(8/21/23) This will be a bit long but now that I don't work at the bakery anymore I felt like sharing the list of things that customer's did that genuinely irked me amongst other feelings:

Things customers do or say at work that make me want to commit a war crime (+ my thoughts I can't say outloud):

"I want to get one of everything. 🤪" (Fun fact, 1 of everything is about $100)

"I'm shouldn't even be in here right now." (Then why are you???)

"I'm breaking my diet for this." (I don't care.)

I shouldn't be eating this I'm diabetic." (I have family that's diabetic. Please actually take care of yourself. 😐)

Does __ count for the B5G1F?" (No, it's actually only the vanilla cake squares. /s)

"Can I have one of that and one of that?" (The name. Is on the display case. SAY THE GOD DAMN NAME.)

"Are yall still open?" (You were able to open the door weren't you? You were able to step inside…weren't you??)

"Wow I got here just in time huh?"

(Yeah. You did. Now hurry the fuck up.)

after paying for the things they've already wanted "Can I actually get _ too?" (I can't really tell you no but holy shit why did you just now think of this?)

after paying for their things they proceed to look at all the merchandise and find something else "I'm gonna get this too." (Of course you are. 😐)

points at the devil's food cake, which is clearly labeled "Is this a brownie?" (Does it look??? Like a brownie??? If you move to your left about 4 feet you'll see actual brownies.)

"Can I get a devils food cake square?" "With which icing?" "…what do you mean?" "We have 3 different icing flavors for the devils food cake. Which icing?" "Oh. Chocolate. :)" (Fuckin- you can clearly see that we have 3 different icing flavors on display why is this so hard.)

"I don't get how you can work in here." (I need a paycheck and I get a good discount.

Also after a while you get bored of all the sugar.)

"I wouldn't be able to work in here. I'd eat everything. Haha" (Haha, yeah, I bet you would. 🙄)

literally anyone who comes in reeking of weed (…can you don't though? Idec that you smoke but why are you coming in when it's so strong???)

"Can I get a pint/quart of this flavor of ice cream?" (…why. I hate making pints and quarts its stupid and if the ice-cream is super frozen it's an actual pain in the ass.)

any family of 5+ that comes in all wanting ice cream (Please go away.)

"Can I get the pieces that have a lot of icing?" (Not really, cause the baker spread it pretty thin.)

*grown adult gets pouty when they realize that the cake squares I gave them had a

thinner layer of icing than the display* (Much like when you were a kid, pouting doesn't help. Do you want the cake or not?)

someone asks how good a certain item is I generally say it's pretty/really good. "Oh, its just pretty good?" (Yeah, cause I'm not a huge fan of that item. But you might like it cause, you know, different taste.)

Literally anyone who doesn't know the pick up name for a cake, or any details about the cake.

Wanting a fondant cake with a 24 hour notice and getting upset when we can't do it (fondant takes a least 2 days to dry)

People who forget which store they placed their order at. (We only have 2 locations????)

People who don't understand that we close early on Sundays.

People who leave the store reeking of weed. Like, the smell stays for like 5 minutes.

People who come in for a specific flavor that

we've never made. And get upset that we dont/wont/can't make it.

Everyone who doesn't understand that pumpkin spice and carrot cake are seasonal flavors that replace each other during the year. (And no. We can't just make you a carrot cake cake during pumpkin spice season because we physically don't have the ingredients.)

Everyone who doesn't understand the big 5 get 1 free deal.

People who try to open the door an hour before we open or an hour before we close and look visibly upset when they see me not move to let them in like we arent???? Open???

People who don't even try to open the door at our smaller store and think we're closed when we are open. (And people are often inside.)

People who try to hold a conversation for way too long

People who don't take an extra 2 minutes to look for what they want before asking me

where it is only for it to be a foot to their left.

People who dawdle at closing time.

People who leave their phone/cask/card in their car and have to run out to get it. They normally don't notice until their rung up.

People who try to break a $100 bill within the first hour of being open then get surprised when we don't have enough change to do that.

One of the worst interactions I had was in the bakery. This lady asked me if the strawberry cheesecake was good. I said "if you like strawberry it is." I guess that offended her somehow and she made it her mission to see my try a piece so I can tell her if it's good.

The problem with her plan is I'm allergic to strawberries. She was not having any of my "lies" and found anyone and everyone one and told them I am a horrible worker because I refused to "accommodate her request." She eventually ran into the only douche canoe manager we had at the time and got him to start insisting I try a bite to make her happy. I ended up just walking out on the rest of the shift and he tried to write me up. HR forced him to drop it when I threatened to sue.

-Rodney

[legendofmorons]

How to fall in love twice- part five

Rating: G

Pairing: Time x Malon x reader

Summary: Malon and you soend some time talking and she reassures you worry is only natural. Time worries, and the boys try to get him to sit down and eat because they're sick of him.

Warnings: None

Other: If I missed anything, please let me know

-------

Two weeks into this adventure and Malon is ready to drop kick whoever is behind this entire mess.

Portals are awful and also the only way to maybe make it home.

She's found no sign of her husband or the others.

And ontop of all of that she fucked up her ankle really good last night and you're not back to help her yet.

Malon sits on the bed, leg up on it to take weight of her ankle until you come back with the healing supplies you'd left to find. She's so bored.

She hopes the farm workers have everything under control...

The door opens to your figure, large bag bulging with unseen items.

"I'm back Malon- oh shit! Are you hurt?" You ask, voice going tight with concern as you take in the stolen ankle on the bed.

"I just hurt my ankle. It's not the worst I've had."

"Still not great! Here I have several potions, lemme just grab one." You say, shutting the door with your foot.

You move quickly to your bed, setting the bag down before beginning to rifle through it. You grab the red potion.

You turn, holding out the corked bottle. "Here, this shoukd help."

"Thank you, (Y/n)." Malon smiles, taking the glass bottle from you.

She drinks the potion quickly. Recoilling like always at the taste. But the relief is almost instant as the potions starts to work it's magic.

"Anytime, Malon. Oh! I grabbed some more arrows for you while I was out."

"Thank you, that's very thoughtful. "

"Oh- I guess. I was just thinking of you is all." You flash a smile.

Why woukd you say it like that? Oh goddess,l- what if Malon knows? That'd be so embarrassing. Goddess- you really need to get a handle on these stupid feelings.

"I really don't know how you're single, you're such a sweetheart!" Malon says, gracing your eyes with a cheerful smile.

"Oh- thanks... Does your ankle feel any better?"

"Much. Thanks for the potion."

"Of course. I wouldn't just leave you like that. Or anyone like that really..."

"Again, you're such a sweetheart. "

You feel your cheeks warm as you move to sit on your bed. Does Malon really have to flatter you so much? Dosen’t she understand that it's overkill?

Usually you'd wonder if it was flirting... but it can't be. So you won't bother to wonder let alone hope.

"So... any plans today?" You ask, "Or just a restock and rest day?"

"Just that mostly. I want to cook some food while we're here."

"Makes sense. I can help."

"I'd like that!"

"Hey... the boys are okay... right?" You ask. And you're know it's ridiculous.

The boys are all chosen heroes of Hylia. There's nine if them. They were hunting down the shadow for weeks before you joined them.

And besides, you should be way more nervous for yourself and Malon. Neither if you are typically adventurous to this degree.

"They're fine. They're all together and they're smart." Malon reassures evenly, calm and gentle woth her words.

"You're right... I shouldn't be so worried."

"I didn't say that. You worry because you care about them. I understand. "

"Still..." You say with a frown.

"I'm worried too you know." She says, turning a sympathetic look on you. "They're still far away."

"Right? I know all of them can handle themselves but it's still scary."

"It really is. I know I worry everytime Link leaves to fight."

"I can't even imagine." You say, voice failing you.

"It's better these days, I know he'll come home."

"I bet that helps."

"It does. Now come on, we need to figure out where to go next."

"Hopefully we go to my hyrule next, I could really use a modern shower."

Malon laughs at that. She may not be familiar with the showers you are used to hit you sound like you're really looking forwards to it.

"Maybe so!" She agrees with a smile.

"And if we do, I can show you my family's farm. You'd like it. Lots of cucoos."

"I do like cucoos."

-------

"If you don't stop runnin' round like a headless cucoo I'm gonna knock you out." Twilight says from his log by the fire.

"I am not- doing that." Time defends in a poor attempt of maintaining dignity.

"You are so!" Wind pipes up from where he's half way up a tree."

"You don't understand. I'm just- the healthy amount of worried for Mal and (Y/n). Neither of them are used to adventuring."

"Time, we've both seen (Y/n) kick ass." Legend sighs, "I know they're less expert, but they're not helpless."

"I know. But being able to protect yourself of only half of adventuring."

"Old man, sit down, would you?" Warriors urges, "They are fine. They're together, aren't they? The way you talk about them both should reassure anyone."

Time stops pacing and shoots a dirty look to Warriors. "I know they're together, Wars."

"Then why are you frantic? We all want to get them back but stressing like this isn't helpful."

"I am just worried. The Nirmal and healthy amount of worried."

"Lunch is ready." Wild calls, "Come be worried over here, would you?"

"You're all ganging up on me over something that is not worth being catty over."

"Look, I'm worried to. (Y/n) ain't exactly a hero like us. But worrying like you are dosen’t help a tick on a hound much less you." Twilight explains, sharing a glance with Hyrule and Legend both. Obviously dome with Time for now.

"But I-"

"We've looked everywhere we can. And if you don't sit down im'ma have to knock you out. I promised (Y/n) Missus Malon I'd keep you in one piece."

"When?"

"Before they left."

"Twilight I just want to know what happened before they left."

"I saw them the last time you did. All I got on this disaster is they fell through some portal or someone. "

"And we've been lookin g for two weeks! We should have found them."

"You'd think so, wouldn't you?" Legend frowns.

"I just wanna-"

"Eat this." Wild says, shoving the stew into Time's hands, "And let us actually strategize."

"Now-"

"I vote we try to find them." Four says helpfully, "Did we try - what does sky call it? Drowning? No..."

"Dousing?" Sky asks. "I mean, I'm not sure that works these days but we could try it."

"We should." Hyrule says. "If only to help everyone sleep."

Time just grumbles, wanting to disagree or miraculously have his belobeds waltz into camp but both seem impossible. He should just let Sky try his thing.

Easier said then done honestly...

He just has to trust that you and Malon are keeping each other safe and healthy. Yeah, he can trust you and Malon. He does!

Just-... He's still so very worried.

[reixtsu]

ℙ𝕣𝕠𝕝𝕠𝕘𝕦𝕖 - ✾ Shared Interests ✾ - Soukoku x Female Reader

So I decided to post this on Tumblr too!

Third Person POV

"Shinju wa hitori dewa deki nai~" a man hummed happily underneath the sunset of Yokohama. It was quiet where he was. No cars, no people, just him on a pier over the water.

The pier was high above the water. The salty breeze tickled his nose and dances around his coat. The waves cascaded on the waves repeatedly, creating a soothing ambiance as the man stared into its watery depths. The water constantly moving, never still...what if he went in?

"Oi, Dazai. What are you doing here? Trying to do another attempt?" Another voice remarked.

The said man, Osamu Dazai turned around to look at the shorter male. His face was enigmatic, as if contemplating his decisions in life. "What do you want, Chuuya?"

"I was gonna clear my mind but then you're here," Chuuya growled, placing a hand on his hip as he stood besides the brown haired man. He kept one hand on top of his hat, making sure it doesn't fly away from the violent wind.

"Ew. A slug is next to me," Dazai dramatically gagged, acting  as if he was going to barf.

Chuuya side eyed him, too tired to deal with  dramatic suicidal maniac.

"Oi, bastard."

"What do you want, hat rack?"

"Tch," Chuuya refrained himself from lashing back, despite his muscles really wanting to punch the other man in the face. Dazai just smirked at him. "That new girl in your agency...what's her name?"

Oh? That was something Dazai did not expect Chuuya to ask this soon. Dazai smirked, placing his elbows on the rail as he gazed at the painting of warm colors in the sky.

"Didn't think you had nice taste in women, Chuuya." Dazai said humorously. "Well, her name is Y/n L/n. Quite the beaut, I'd say so myself. She's the new therapist assigned to work for our clients in the detective agency."

Chuuya hummed, his deep voice catching onto his throat slightly as his blue orbs stared at the water. The sunset seemed to melt into the ocean, adding a tint of orange upon the water's surface.

"That so? Good to know," Chuuya muttered pensively.

Dazai side glanced Chuuya, quietly observing his features as he figured out the meaning behind them. "Ah. Shortie has a crush now? Oh wow, and here I thought you were married to wine!" He said in a silvery tone.

"Says the suicidal mackerel," Chuuya retorted, feeling his patience slowly dissipating. "So what if I find someone attractive!"

"So you do admit~" Dazai let out a light hearted chuckling, making Chuuya jump away in disgust.

"How about we make a bet, hm?" 

"Bets with you would be the death of me," Chuuya muttered, glaring daggers at Dazai. To the taller man, Chuuya looked like an angry Chihuahua.

"A challenge then. Wine will be the prize~"

"...What is it?" The ginger grumbled, taking off his hat to place it over his chest as he turned to look at Dazai's profile.

Dazai looked back at Chuuya with a shit-eating grin that made Chuuya want to kick him into the water. The wind made both of the men's hair flutter gently at the rhythm of the breeze.

"I'll make her fall in love with me in 15 days or less!" Dazai smirked confidently.

"Oh yeah? As if I'd let you!" Chuuya stomped his feet like a child, looking pissed at Dazai's challenge. 

Chuuya's response only make Dazai' grin bigger and much more irritating.

"The timer starts tomorrow at eight in the morning. Good luck! You need it since you don't have her contacts~~~ Ack- Chuuya you're chocking me!"

"Kinky bastard, give me her number," Chuuya growled. He kept his gloved hand grasped tightly around Dazai's collar as he stared into Dazai's dead eyes.

"Ahaha. Left my cell phone in my house, aka trash can~!"

And overwhelming about of disgust crashed onto Chuuya, causing him to let go of Dazai.

"You dirty bastard! Nasty! No wonder you get rejected so often."

Dazai had never gasped so dramatically until that moment. He jumped back multiple times as if he had been struck. Slumping back, he laid his hand over his head, emotionally offended.

"Don't involve the waifus into this."

"Ha! Waifu?! You got no bitches!"

"Gasp! Neither do you."

"I have my wine! Besides, I'm 'bout to steal this Y/n L/n before your filthy hands touch her!"

"I've shaken hands with her."

"You will NOT make me jealous now!"

Next: *none yet*

I might add a tag list. If you wanna get tagged, let me know in the comments or just dm me!