#I'd be mad at myself if I didn't post something for today

[qilingxiong]

🪷

Happy One Year Anniversary to Mysterious Lotus Casebook, and so, happy one year to this fandom as well!

(I would have liked to have finished writing a fic for this day. As it was, life got to me, so you get these other words instead.)

This little corner of C-drama Tumblr has brought me a lot of joy in the last year. I didn't know how long I'd be here when the show first started airing, or whether or not I'd even finish it. As it turned out, there ended up being a close-knit group of us drawn to the show as it released (I love you guys for the madness that was reacting to and speculating about some of those episodes in real time), and more showed up in the following months as well. And so I wound up staying with this story after it was over, not just because it was a wonderful one, but because I ended up getting to know a lot of other people through it too!

Some of you were here posting in the tag from day one, some of you came along later, but I've really enjoyed getting to talk and exchange ideas with so many of you. Writing meta was never my main contribution to fandom before this (and I do mostly consider myself a fic writer first and foremost) but I've had the time of my life pulling apart and analyzing this story with others, and seeing everyone's own thoughts/reactions to it. MLC is special in that the amount of care and deliberate detail put into it can support that kind of scrutiny, but it also takes the people who want to look at all these things, to have the kind of happily curious atmosphere that this fandom does. I want to thank you all for that experience. It's been fun, it's been eye-opening (I've become a better writer for it), and the variety of perspectives people have brought to discussions has left me with so much more to think about in relation to this show.

And I want to shoutout to all the creators in this fandom— gifmakers, meta writers, fic writers, artists, and everyone else I've scrolled past in the tag who shared something for the rest of us to enjoy about these characters. I check the tag every day. I see you. This fandom has been great in particular for reblogging and responding to others' creations, and it's beautiful to see that sense of community. I don't joke when I say that from the get-go I considered this fandom a breath of fresh air, compared to many others I've been in. You're all very cool and I'm so happy for the things all of us have shared in this space, for the love of MLC.

Through all this, this show and the people who gather around it here have brought me some of my closest friends in fandom today. That includes some people I'd known of for years, but never thought I'd ever really be able to talk to. I've also met a lot of Chinese diaspora through MLC, and gotten to feel a little less lonely about some of my own experiences. Not everyone here in the beginning actively talks about MLC anymore, but you know who you are, and know that I remember you and look back on 2023 very fondly. And to those who came later, or those still here, I love that we're keeping this fandom going. I don't know when the next drama will pull my attention away, but for now I'm still in this corner with the rest of you, and I'm very glad for that.

Mysterious Lotus Casebook is special, and so are all of you. Thank you for this last year.

[logansargeantsbabymom]

You're Dead To Me.

Lando Norris x Fem!Reader, Fem!Reader x Uncle

Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort

A/N: this is based off a situation that happened to me irl and everything the reader says is basically everything I want to say to this blood relative. (I'm hoping this is therapeutic for me) and as much as I want to I'm not using this relative's real name.

warnings: Cursing, deadbeat uncle, mentions of suicidal thoughts, mentions of attempted suicide, maybe mentions of mental abuse but idk.

NOT PROOF READ!! COULDN'T SEE THROUGH THE TEARS 🤪🤪

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I stared at the text message on my phone. I know I shouldn't answer it but part of me wants to know why he's texting me, why now after all this time he reached out to me?

My uncle (if that's what you could even call him) texted me. Just a plain and simple message: "Can we meet for lunch and talk?" I should've just ignored him like he's done to me for the past 4 years but I like to think that I'm better than that.

"Babe, is something wrong?" Lando asked as he nudged the side of my arm

"Hmm?" was all I hummed while I finally pulled back from my phone

"You've been staring at your phone with a sad look for the past 5 minutes" Lando said as he placed a reassuring hand on top mine

Lando and I were currently having coffee by the kitchen Island in our house. Well I was drinking coffee, Lando was drinking tea.

"Yeah, Jace just texted me. Wants to know if I want to meet with him to have lunch today to 'talk' whatever that means." I said unsure of what emotion to feel right now

"Jace, as in your uncl-"

"DON'T call him my uncle." I snapped as I cut Lando off.

I honestly didn't mean to snap at him but he knows about all the things he's done to me, to my family. He knows that I'm ashamed he's my blood relative and sometimes I wish I never met him.

"Right, m'sorry" A pinch of regret and sadness laced his voice which made me feel even more mad

"No, fuck. M'sorry Lando, you just know how I feel about him and I guess hearing you call him my uncle kinda sent me over the edge." I could feel the lump in my throat and my eyes burn at just the thought of being in front of him.

After a few seconds the silence was broken as Lando started talking "I'll be with you, if you meet with him"

"Yeah, I think I'd like that." I mumbled as I roughly rubbed my face with my palms before picking up my phone and texting Jace back.

Me: 2pm, Holly's Diner. Don't be late and come ALONE. Jace:Thank you.

with a scoff and a sigh I placed my phone down. I had 2 hours before I had to meet Jace, let's just hope I can compose myself.

"Where are we meeting him at?" Lando said as he walked back over to the Island after placing both our mugs in the sink.

"Holly's, 2pm" I said, uncertainty lacing my voice

"Let's get ready then." Lando guided me to our shared room where we gathered all our clothes and thing we'd need for a shower before making our way to the bathroom.

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Lando and I have been waiting in this Diner for what felt like years before I finally looked at the time for what must've been the 7th time since we'd arrived. '1:58' just 3 more minutes and then he's late which gives me the green light to leave and avoid him for the rest of my life.

A ring of the bell above the door pulled me from a thought I wasn't aware I was deep into. Turning my head I'm met with a man who I didn't see as family, the man I saw was a total stranger. It didn't take long for him to spot me too, given that the diner wasn't big.

Once Jace got close enough, I watched as his arms opened as if indicating for a hug, which I quickly shut down with an awkward nod. Jace took the note and just sat in front of us.

"Who's this, I thought we were both coming alone?" Jace said gesturing towards Lando who sat in the booth right next to me

"I told you to come alone, I said nothing about me and this is my boyfriend Lando" I saw Jace reach a hand out to shake Lando's hand and as much as I wanted to pull Lando's hand away, I couldn't make his decisions for him.

Lando opted to quickly shake his hand before letting us talk

"So, why'd you want to talk?" I said coldly while playing the ice in my Dr Pepper, avoiding eye contact

"Right! I'm just trying to make amends with the family, you know how much I love you guys so much and I really want to be in your life again. I know I've been a bit distant with you guys, you especially and I want that all to change. I want to be a better Tio to you, I know it's gonna take time but I'm willing to allow as much time as you need, Valerie also wants to see you again." Hearing him say all of that almost made me to storm out. I felt the lump coming back in my throat and my eyes starting watering. There was no way I was getting through this little meeting without absolutely sobbing and throwing shit at him.

"Are you kidding? You called me here to makes amends? Do you know all the shit-"

"Hey! You know how I feel about curing." He had the nerve to cut me off

"NO! I'm talking! I gave you the floor interruption free so I want the floor interruption free!" I could feel my blood boil and if it warns for Lando right next to me I think I would've absolutely lost my shit already.

Jace just stared at me before slightly nodding his head gesturing me to continue

"Do you know all the SHIT you put me through?? All the shit you put my family thro-"

"They're my family too" oh you're fucking joking me right?

"You have one more time to interrupt me before I walk out and block you" I said sternly as I pointed my finger at the older man in front of me.

I know I should have respect for my elders but I only respect them when they respect me.

"Sir, please let her finish" Lando tried pleading with the man

"This doesn't concern you. I don't know why you're here." Oh NOW I'm fucking done

"Lando, let's go. We're leaving" I said as I started to make my way out of the booth

"No! Please, I'm sorry. We need to talk." Now he wants to listen to me. Unbefuckinglievable.

I felt Lando's hand on my wrist which caused me to look at him. His eyes saying 'just let him hear you out' which made me reluctantly give in and sit back down.

"One more disrespectful remark or interruption, I'm LEAVING"

"Sorry" Jace mumbled

"I don't care what kind of realization you came to that made you realized that you fucked up and wanted us back but its 5 years too late. Do you know how many things I've done in my life that I thought you would be proud of? I tried to call you when I got my permit and you declined the call, I thought you were busy so I waited a few hours before I called you back and you still didn't answer so I let it go. I also tried to call you when I got my license but you also didn't answer, I invited you to my National Honors Society induction ceremony and you didn't show, I invited you to my sweet 16 and you didn't come, I then invited you to my 18th birthday party and surprise surprise you didn't show. Against my better judgement, I invited you to my high school graduation and you told wela that you already had dinner plans and you 'couldn't' move it. Do you know how much each and every single one of those situations hurt me? How much I HATED still wanting your validation even though I knew you couldn't care less? That's only the tip of the iceberg after we moved to Pennsylvania, when we still lived in Florida and we all live together, do you know how much I HATED living there after Valerie and her 2 kids moved in? Valerie never liked me, she and her daughter ALWAYS blamed everything wrong on mean guess what? You NEVER stood up for me once. You punished me for my dirty room even though it wasn't my mess and after you realized that it was in fact Erica's mess and not mine, you never apologized to me. You didn't care for me, didn't love me and you even told me so. Remember that one day in the pool where you told me AND I QUOTE 'you don't get love because you're the middle child' then proceeded to get mad at me when I got upset, claiming that I 'couldn't take a joke'? Well I do because it's fucking drilled in my head. I bet you don't remember the time you punished me so hard for a DIFFERENT mess that Erica made that it really made me believe that you didn't love me and that you really didn't care whether I lived or died so I tried to kill myself that night? I bet you do because my mom absolutely reamed you a new asshole because of it. Yeah, that wasn't the only time I tried to kill myself because of you. I tried 4 separate times and at the time I was mad that God didn't let me die but now I'm kinda happy. I'm happy because I met the love of my life, I have a great job oh and remember my dad's oldest friend Luis? Yeah he took on the role of the uncle you were supposed to be to me and my siblings. Everything you were supposed to go to that you didn't, he went to. He made sure that we knew he loved us, he takes us to the movies, to amusement parks, pools, he's gone on family vacations with us and overall in the last 4 years he's been the 'play' uncle, he's the best uncle I could ever ask for. Oh and I know you just want to be in my life right now because I've had a pretty successful career working for the McLaren f1 team and my boyfriend is an f1 driver, but to give you my answer on whether I'll allow you to make amends with me, my answer is a big fat fucking no." I said as I threw the linen on the table before grabbing Lando's hand and got out of the booth before turning to face Jace one more time "Oh and you're dead to me" I said before Lando and I walked out of the diner.

I somehow didn't cry at all through my whole speech to Jace. I also knew that I wasn't going to be able to hold in all this anger and sadness anymore and soon I was going to breakdown.

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Miraculously, I somehow was able to make it home without crying too. It was only a 10 minute car ride but it consisted of concentrated breathing and occasionally looking up when I could feel the tears well in my waterline.

"Baby, are you okay?" Lando said as he closed and locked the front door.

The second those last three words came out his mouth, the wall I built up came crumbling down and so did I. I just fell to my knees and started sobbing into my palms, I haven't cried this hard since my dad confronted me and started crying about my suicide attempt. I quickly felt Lando wrap his arms around me before gently lifting me up and walking over to the couch before sitting down and placing me on his lap allowing me to sob into his chest, while whispering sweet nothings in my ear the whole time.

We stayed like this for about a good 10 minutes before I stopped crying, well I didn't necessarily stop crying but I wasn't a gasping mess like before.

One thing about Lando? He's one hell of a comforter and I love him dearly for that.

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Sorry for dropping this on you guys but I'm hoping this is therapeutic for me because it allows me to say what I want to say (even if I can't say it to his face)

this really isn't proof read, I literally cant stop crying rn.

taglist:

@luckyladycreator2 @itsmiamalfoy @jeffs77 @ilivbullyingjeongin @forevercaffeinated-lee @daemyratwst @gulphulp @callsignwidow @f1wintermoon13 @teenwolf01 @victoriassecret101 @hiireadstuff @formulaal @eddieharrington @kazza72584 @zabwlky1999 @dark-night-sky-99 @rougekiki @xoscar03 @jess-wither @bountychanti @dhanihamidi @Ggasly.p @tellybearryyyy

[mimi-is-so-horny]

okay, so... you know how sometimes a day starts lovely, and then it goes to shit? and sometimes, you feel like you've done this to yourself? actually, you have done it to yourself. anyway.

i made a point to wake up early today to make Sir and Anna breakfast and to write them a note thanking them for fucking me so well yesterday, and for being pretty much the best thing in my life right now. i felt very grateful and i know i'm very lucky. i think they appreciated that, too.

i blew the candles on my birthday cake naked on Sir's lap - i've been 25 for a couple of days, and i usually hate my birthdays, but Anna insisted we should do the whole birthday thing properly. Sir wrote me a birthday card that almost moved me to tears. He groped my tits as i blew my candles.

for context, i used to want to enter academia in combination to committing to a totally different career path. what i'm doing right now isn't even my Plan C, so of course, i feel a bit like a failure. i'd written a chapter in a book that discussed some recent developments in my field and placed them in a behavioural/institutional context - the book was published this year, and the complimentary copy they sent to authors arrived on my birthday. i should be happy, right? but i feel so defeated, and so dumb, and like this is the first and last good thing i got to do before giving up on my aspirations completely. sure, i'll still apply to enter a more commercial side of my field next year, but that's still just more "sustainable", financially, and more difficult than i thought it would be. all this effort for something i won't really value or enjoy, yuck. and what if i fail, again? anyway. Mimi's whiny ass.

so Sir asked me to read my chapter, and i said yes, sure. He wanted to "see how i think". why not, right?

He fucked me yesterday, and this morning, and at noon, and it felt so good. and now He came to my room, to tell me He read my chapter, and while i felt vulnerable i tried to look cool asking Him what He thought of it.

and He showered me in compliments, and asked me why am i here, and not at a Big Prestigious University™ doing research? i told Him that's why i tried, and the Big Prestigious University™ didn't do shit for Mimi in a post-covid job market where she had to care for her family and couldn't work Prestigious Unpaid Internships™. and still, with no network or real mentors that cared more about guiding me than fucking me, or plagiarising me (lol), my options narrowed. and He knew that, so why was He asking me? and then He asked more questions, and i got increasingly angry and i cried and told Him to leave my room, please. well, at least He did.

so now i have to go downstairs and apologise for lashing out at Him for essentially caring. that was just me projecting - how mad i am at myself for failing, and for giving up, and and for being too lazy to try again - on Him. but i also don't want to do that, because i can only taste how i'm not working in the city i want, and how the people i work for are surprised when i can introduce better corrections than them, and how i am a grown woman that is already bitter about not being where she wanted to be. how i pretend to have given up, when in reality i'm still kind of grieving the people i thought i could be, and realising it can always get worse. am i making myself into a victim: poor-me, poor-me? or am i entitled to my anger and sadness? i don't know, and Sir knows something sad happened to me without my consent, a long while ago - so what if He sees me as a victim, too? am i really that stupid and that passive? what if i'm wasting His time, too?

i don't think i use kink as a coping mechanism or as a distraction; i'm just happy it's an area of my life i'm currently getting exactly what i want, exactly in my own terms and limits - i've rarely gotten that much respect and reciprocity in "vanilla world" - be it work, or education, or friendships. but that fact also makes me sad. why can't i have some of the things i want, sometimes? why was it "Rejection Letter"+"Your Flatmate Lost Your Cat And Now Won't Help Or Speak To You"+"Your Supervisor Wants To Fuck You And He's Angry Now!"+"Your Family Is Asking For Money, Again!!!", and not, like, slightly better? it's hard to feel empowered now. that sad six-year-old is here again, and she wants good stuff i don't know how to give, because i'm out of fucking candy (or, y'know, drugs. because i don't do that shit anymore).

anyway, that will be a difficult conversation. and i feel sorry for Him, for having to deal with me.

well, that was a very self-centred ramble by a fairly self-centred person, so i'm sorry if you read this? but also it was your choice to do so, meh. drink water, wear sunscreen.

[respectthepetty]

Pit Babe Colors Ep. 8

I'm challenging myself with this show and seeing how good my color skills really are, so I'm doing my normal thing of watching it double-speed on mute, but now, the captions are off also. It's just colors and vibes here. Also, I know way more than I intended because of comments and reblogs on previous posts, so I'm in the know now.

Kim looking at Kenta's face right before the elevator closed is the only thing keeping me from losing it. If Kentana doesn't save Kimberly, what is the point of this?! What is the point of Kentana?!

Are y'all a couple now? Y'all are starting to color and outfit coordinate, and it feels very gay.

I don't know what to do with these two.

I'm pretty sure I'm just not seeing pink on Pete, which means he has connections to the red, and Way refuses to stay blue, so I'm sure he is still planning some corrupt red nonsense.

JUST BE BLUE! Just be in love with each other. Accept his love, Waymond!

I never thought I'd write this, but be like Jeffrey, Waymond. Turn blue. Commit to the blue. Fall in love!

Look at him! No matter what connection he has to the red, he is beating the allegations. Peter is a GOOD MAN! If Waymond doesn't fall in love with him, somebody else will. Guaranteed.

Not going to read too much into that red stripe at the top of the room, but this is a red's room. Is this Kimberly's?! Why is there so much blood?!

When you take people's superpowers, yet have no idea how to use the superpowers. Apparently, Babe without superpowers is still better than everyone else. At least Charles is no longer a lying blue.

I think Big Red knows something is different with Babe, and even though Jeffrey still has that damn red bag . . . IS THAT WAYMOND?! No, Waymond, no! Do NOT work with Big Red. You have Peter RIGHT THERE! Quit your bullshit, Waymond!

WTF, Kentana?! If I have to pick between you two, I pick Peter. No contest. Kimberly, Peter, and Alan above everyone else. Kentana, you better stop it! You are still on my shit list!

Hold up! Do you two know each other? Like biblically? What is this tension? What are these looks? Why does this feel very personal? I ain't mad at it, but Kentana still needs to save Kimberly!

Jeffrey, why would you go there in that red and blue flannel shirt?! That won't save you, buddy!

Kentana, the ONLY thing that will redeem you is saving Kimberly. I didn't like Jeffrey, but now he is matching with Alan, so they are in love, and you can't break Alan's heart! You are just fucking up left and right today, and I hope you get punched in the throat before this episode is over.

KIMBERLY IS DYING! And y'all are about to have sex in the blue after tending wounds which is pointless because you have superpowers that will heal you!!!!!! Y'all continue to amaze me by the lack of priorities. Save Kim Possible!

Why is this shot in the mirror? Why is there a barrier between you two? This is odd. More lies?

Who takes a shot like that?! A KILLER! Barbara, get it together! This isn't an episode of Dead Friend Forever, and you are no longer a red.

Everything about this scene is ridiculous. Charles in blue. SONIC in blue. North and Waymond in black. AND EVERYONE IS DRINKING RED SODA! This not looking good for the blues. Whatever they are talking about, the reds already won.

Barbara continues to be touchy-feely with Waymond. Why can't he just let Waymond brood in peace? Barbara knows Waymond loves him, yet gives Waymond no space. Go tend to your boyfriend's fake injuries, Barbara! Waymond is working with Big Red and not falling in love with Peter, yet you have me feeling bad for him, Barbara. I should hate Waymond! BUT I CAN'T BECAUSE YOU WON'T LEAVE HIM BE!

These two have to be sleeping together. Cooking Crush had the Chicken Bite product placement too and Prem and Ten definitely want each other in that show, so North and Sonic have to want each other too, yes? Yes. Now why are they watching Whiny Winifred while flirting IN THE BLUE?! They finally are both wearing blue at the same time. Thank, Baby Jesus.

I was worried seeing Waymond in the red doorway, but he has Charles and Barbara. But they aren't saving Kimberly. Why does nobody care about Kimberly?!

The kid is blue. Is he the insider informant? He is a child!

Why are there so many red kids in the world? Big Red, why do you need an army?! Overthrow your shitty kidnappers with your superpowers, kids! REVOLT! Sí se puede

KIMBERLY!

North and Sonic are going to save Kimberly! They are finally in the blue and saving my favorite red! I never doubted them!

WHAT THE FUCK?! THEY DIDN'T SAVE KIMBERLY?!

Southwest Airlines and Vegas' Hedgehog did NOT save Kimberly! Kentana watched as Kimberly got taken, then had the audacity to have chemistry with Peter. Jeffrey walked right into the reds like that was gonna save him instead of saving Kimberly! Whiny Winifred kicked Kimberly. Waymond is working with Big Red and not saving Kimberly. Charles and Barbara CANNOT prioritize and are talking to a blue kid and giggling at each other instead of rescuing Kimberly.

AND BARBARA IS FIGHTING PETER NEXT WEEK!

These men need to get their shit together! The ONLY things that needed to happened this episode were 1) SAVE KIMBERLY and 2) ACCEPT PETER'S LOVE! Neither happened. Honestly, Kentana and Waymond could die and leave Kimberly and Peter to be the power couple of Alan's company. They both wear too much black, and unlike Barbara, they aren't the title character, so either commit to the blue Waymond or Kentana, or else I'm gonna start thinking y'all are disposable.

[valleeslunaires]

𝐢 𝐟𝐚𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞'𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐲

this isn't how i planned to tell my weekend (or how i thought i had planned nor the post i had written initially) but as taylor says "if you fail to plan, you plan to fail". Well, let's start with the context!

gp (grand-prix) of são paulo, formula one, november 3rd! it's been 2 months i've been going crazy over this gp but only with 2 weeks for it to happen i decided to take action on what i've learned on the loa! I did pinterest boards, i told to people i'd be going, i imagined it happening, i wrote down what i wanted, subliminals… and it failed. I didn't go. But there is a why and I KNOW this why!

What i've been talking here a lot: STATE! This is what really matters and this is the reason i failed and i recognize that! Even doing all the "right steps", my state wasn't the "right one"! I closed my eyes and felt like i was in the circuit watching the race, getting autographs from my favorite driver… but when i came back to the 3D, i made mistakes! I questioned the loa, i looked for proof in the 3D letting clear the 4D wasn't enough for me, i started doing backups… what i'd say to people if i failed, what i'd do if i failed, how sad i'd be… my state was of accomplished only for a few moments, but most of the time i was in the state of wishing!

I did the mistake i've talked about here on the last post (to show you i'm human too as you all)… well, this also shows a proof about the loa! I thought i'd fail and i DID fail!

Because no matter how many methods you do, how many hours you spent living in the 4D if when you come back to the 3D you can't keep that fulfilled state! The answer is in the 4D, not the 3D!! This is the proof! That's why i've said y'all need to work on your state of mind, it really matters!

My back and forth between the state of missing and the state of accomplishment brought me where i am right now… frustrated that i didn't get to watch the race there in the circuit, ashamed of telling people i actually didn't go, angry at myself for not keeping my word and following my own advice and worst of all… even more ashamed and mad cuz my mom will be throwing this on my face for a long time!

I'm bringing this cuz i know there are a lot of people like me, frustrated with their failed assumptions and asking themselves what they did wrong… i can't tell cuz i dunno you or your life or your methods but maybe you can be facing the same issue as me! We think we're doing everything fine just because we're using one million methods but in the end methods don't manifest, you do! All the million methods just to still be in the state of wishing!

And yeah i can revise what happened but also i wanted to bring this out cuz as i said i'm not the only one facing this type of issues and i believe this might be an issue a lot of you guys face!

My message today is: work on your state. Focus on it when manifesting something, make sure you keep yourself in it! Focus on your state, focus on the 4D, don't look for proof in the mirror/3D!

Don't make backups, you don't need backups!

(sorry if i couldn't explain well or if there is any spelling mistake! i'm writing this at 2am and awake by energy drink)

[cevansbrat0007]

Real Talk.

Warning: the following post contains mature themes and references to drug overdose, death, and Fentanyl.

For the record, what I'm about to say in regards to NARCAN has nothing to do with me standing on a soapbox. Instead, I'm asking that people do what they can to educate themselves on the importance and necessity of this life-saving drug.

And I'll start by telling you a story:

This morning, I went to check on my roommate who lives on the floor above me. She had asked me to make sure she didn't sleep through her many alarms like she always did so that she could make it to work on time. She's a server at a steakhouse chain - and a damn good one at that.

She's also my friend. A friend who, just like myself, is nearly nine months sober.

Except this morning when I knocked on her door, she didn't answer. And when I opened the door and peeked in her room she appeared to be fast asleep. But she was half naked, and the fan she had borrowed from me the night before was set to full blast. Even though it was cold outside.

Her room was like an ice box. And she was so pale. And no matter how loud I said her name, she wouldn't open her eyes and look at me.

She wouldn't wake up.

So I poked her in the shoulder. I shook her. I yelled her name. And then I realized her lips were blue. Her body was stiff. And she was cold to the touch.

The only sound she could make was that of a low, almost eerie groan. If I'm being honest, it's a sound that I'd never quite heard before. And I don't want to ever hear it again.

What I would come to realize seconds later was that my friend had overdosed on Fentanyl. Possibly a few hours earlier. Which meant she was fucking dying.

I panicked, of course. Because I'm an alcoholic. I've never touched Heroin, let alone witnessed an overdose. I know what to do if someone was suffering from, say, alcohol poisoning...but this...this was brand new territory.

Because with Fentanyl, seconds fucking matter.

I sprinted to wake up another girl. Seconds later we were back with our friend where our worst fear was absolutely confirmed.

Fentanyl Overdose.

I'd never fucking seen this. Never. But we didn't have time to fall apart because from there we dashed down the stairs. She went straight for the NARCAN and I went for my phone to call 911.

Less than a minute later, she and I were back in our friend's room to administer the NARCAN, only for us to realize that she wasn't breathing anymore.

By this point, another one of my housemates had joined us as well. And the others were soon to follow. While I was on the phone relaying instructions from the dispatcher on how to revive our friend, the others were moving her limp body to the floor.

They were doing chest compressions. Two were racing to find more NARCAN stashed in someone's glove compartment. And then another was directing EMS on where to go in the house.

It was a team effort to make sure this girl fucking lived. We could yell at her for this tomorrow. But for now, all we cared about was her living today.

I had never been through this. But as much as I hate to say this, today I was grateful that there were others in the house who had been through this before. For those who knew how to administer NARCAN.

In total, we administered something like 28 milligrams to bring her back. Which is a lot. A cop may have mumbled out something about us not waiting long enough in between doses to see if we'd given her enough before administering another. But he can go kick rocks.

Because we did the best we could all while running on straight adrenaline and doing everything we could to save someone while not falling apart in the process.

In the end, what matters is that she woke up. She was in pain. And very ill. And has since been admitted to the hospital.

Now the rest of us are left to deal with the tears and the adrenaline comedown, along with the guilt of all the signs we may or may not have missed. And that is really fucking shitty. I am so mad at my friend.

But at the same time, I love her so damn much. And I'm grateful that I will hopefully have the opportunity to share all these feelings with her one day soon.

She was fucking lucky. And so were we.

I'm grateful we found her in-time - because the paramedics made it very clear that we cut it real close. I'm grateful I live with people who found it in them to unite to save someone's life.

I'm grateful for NARCAN.

And beyond that, I'm grateful that I now know what to do with it. I never completely comprehended the weight of its importance until today. I didn't quite understand why my friend kept a stash of it in her glove compartment when she had no intentions of getting high anymore.

But today that stash saved her life. I'm begging you, if you have a loved one who suffers from this disease, please consider keeping this life-saving drug within reach.

Read up about it. Talk about it. Even if it makes you uncomfortable. Even if you can't fathom why someone would think of or want to use. Even if the idea of having to use it scares you.

I'm sure if it ever came down to it, you would rather have it and not need it than need it and not have it. Wouldn't you?

I've come to learn that many people who relapse, even after months of serious sobriety, don't plan it. It just happens. Impulsivity is a deadly part of this disease. One lapse in judgement - just one - could very well mean death.

It's really that serious.

Because with this disease, you're always guaranteed another relapse. But you're never guaranteed another recovery.

Thanks to NARCAN, my friend will have another shot.

That's all I've got for now, guys and gals. I'd be lying if I said we weren't all emotional wrecks over here. But it's all gonna be okay.

And finally, but most importantly: if you're struggling with anything, be it addiction or mental health, there is no shame in asking for help. Not now. Not ever. We're all human. We all need love.

We all deserve support to overcome our darkest of days.

Love, Britt

[liketwoswansinbalance]

A continuation of this post.

⸻

[One day, Rafal's students upload a video that doesn't conform with his usual content, and it causes his viewers to start turning out conspiracies. Rafal had left his phone unattended in a classroom one day, and Marialena got ahold of it. She is the ringleader in maintaining the online presence he doesn't know about, and she curates all of "his" content.]

[A shaking phone camera turns on and starts recording a red speck perched on a branch. The sound quality is poor and it sounds like Rafal is filming inside a wind turbine. The camera zooms in and focuses on a bird, and Rafal's voice is heard as the camera stabilizes.]

Rafal: Log, the second, overcast Tuesday, four hours in, stationed outside the mortuary, sighting #1 of the elusive scarlet tanager. She's a beaut, isn't she?

[Then comes the sound of heels clacking on pavement, and a second voice chimes in.]

Unknown speaker: Who's a "beaut" that isn't me? Why are you wearing that welding mask? And what are you doing behind that shrub, Rafal? You told me you were taking a stop at the mortuary, and said you'd drive us to Rhian's luncheon.

Rafal: [groans] Quiet. Just wait a little longer and I promise I'll get you a new set of earrings. I'm trying to get it on film!

Unknown speaker: That bird? I've been waiting four hours in your car, you know, thinking that all along you were checking the thermostat, so your new "acquisition" would be properly refrigerated, and now, I step out of the car to powder my nose only to find you out here! Doing God knows what in that contraption!

Rafal: I didn't want to get a sunburn and this mask was the only thing available to cover up with. The electrician must've left it last time he came around to check the lighting in the vaults.

Unknown speaker: You should've listened to me when I told you to buy a sunhat from this season's catalogue, darling.

Rafal: Please just stop talking so loudly—we can discuss this after I get my recording.

[The bird flies offscreen in that instant.]

Rafal: Shoot. Look what you did.

Unknown speaker: Hmpth, well, your neck looks as red as the silly bird of yours.

Rafal: For the last time! It's not silly! If I'd gotten useable film without all your wittering on, I could've sold it to the natural history museum.

Unknown speaker: Goodness me, if you keep pursuing hobbies like these you might as well be a fossil yourself.

Rafal: It's gone. I've lost it.

Unknown speaker: Oh, boo-hoo. Can we leave now?

Rafal: No. There's a nest. It might return.

Unknown speaker: Rhian will be mad if we're late.

Rafal: The luncheon won't start 'til we're there. Rhian always waits for me.

Unknown speaker: Fine. Be like that. Marry your rare bird instead of me.

Rafal: I never said I wanted to marry it!

Unknown speaker: Well you're spending more time with it than at your own wedding shower!

Rafal: Wait. That's today?

Unknown speaker: Yes.

Rafal: ...so that's why you told me to wear a suit.

Unknown speaker: And you've mucked it up with-with dirt and worms, and, and—what is that? EEG gel?

Rafal: Liquified organs and vitreous fluids. An eyeball burst on me.

Unknown speaker: Oh, eww. We can't go one day without you soiling something, can we? At least it's not blood this time.

[There's a shuffling sound and the phone falls to the ground, screen going dark.]

Rafal: That's it. I quit.

Unknown speaker: Oh, no. Are you sure?

Rafal: Sure. Let's be fashionably late to the luncheon and give my brother a heart attack.

Unknown speaker: Finally. Remember, you're a host this time. Try to socialize with our guests.

[There's a scraping sound.]

Unknown speaker: And, you're not bringing that tripod on my watch. There won't be any birds indoors.

Rafal: What should I do with it then?

Unknown speaker: On second thought, you could use it to film the guests.

Rafal: Would it get me out of greeting duty?

Unknown speaker: Might as well do it myself—you look too slovenly to do it now.

Rafal: Deal.

Unknown speaker: Lovely. I'd kiss you if you weren't disgusting. Oh! Look at that—your phone's still filming.

Rafal: Hell. Is it—

[The recording clicks off.]

[ro994art]

Minireviews of the Bluey Minisodes

Hello everyone! Here's another one of those rare text posts from me.

As most of you may know, I'm a Bluey fan. And as all Bluey fans know, today a new batch of Bluey shorts premiered on Disney+, also known as Minisodes (or previously "Bonus Bits").

And while most fans had likely already watched these minisodes, given how they came out nearly a month before in Australia, I myself chose to wait until they were available on Disney+ to watch them, in order to save myself the hassle of looking for them online. Call me lazy if you want, but I often find it trickier than it sounds like. 😅 Especially considering how quickly those tend to get taken down.

But I digress. I was going to do this on Twitter originally, but I thought it'd be more fun and easier to express myself without a character limit here. So, since no one asked for my opinion, I'm going to give it anyways! xD

⚠️ Spoilers ahead, of course.

Here are my brief(-ish) thoughts on each of the new 7 shorts that were released.

🍔 Burger Dog

I have a soft spot for any Bluey short or episode that shows the characters dancing, particularly if they showcase new dancesteps that hadn't been shown before and that isn't flossing. I just find it really adorable and well-animated, so I enjoyed this one.

Maybe this is coming from the perspective of a non-parent, and if I ever have kids I'll have a totally different opinion, but I personally didn't find the song THAT annoying xD At least not for a first time listening to it. If it were the 15th time they'd had it on, I'd understand Bandit's position, but if it really was the first time he heard it, I would've at least let Bluey and Bingo finish the song if I were him. But again, that's just me, and it's not like what Bandit did was anything too terrible, nor am I mad at him for it. Just giving my opinion here. 😅

Oh, and the ending made me chuckle. Clever girl, Bingo. 😉😂

🤖 Bingo 3000

Not really much to say about this one, other than it was cute xD It reminded me a lot of "Daddy Robot", but with the roles reversed. Honestly, the final scene of Chili calling Bingo 3000 with her arriving super slowly because her legs are still stuck and Bandit's all "Don't get me started" was my favorite part. 😝 Overall, it was fine.

🚚 Muffin Unboxing

DEFINITELY my favorite out of this batch xD Muffin may not be my favorite character, but she is definitely the most entertaining one, and I always love seeing her show up because you just KNOW some hilarious chaos is about to ensue. 🤣

What can I say? This minisode was classic Muffin from beginning to end. Her having a toy review channel just makes too much sense and I never knew I needed it until now xD Something else I loved about this one was seeing Stripe's poor video editing skills once again, with him leaving in parts of the recording that were definitely meant to remain on the cutting floor. 😂 Very "Bumpy and the Wise Old Wolfhound," which is amongst my favorite episodes, so you know I loved seeing it.

And of course, I can't stop mentioning and appreciating Socks, my favorite, getting a cute little cameo at the end, and getting at least one line! AAAH! She's always so cute, I love Rock-Socks, you do you babygirl :'3 (And the ending was hilarious of course xD Again, classic Muffin)

I want to petition Ludo Studio to make a "Muffin's Toys" shorts series where we see Muffin parodying various types of YouTube Kids videos. Like, imagine Muffin doing challenges or a DIY? I feel like we need that. At least I do. 😜

📄 Letter

I liked this one quite a lot as well. Always love seeing tidbits of the parents' childhoods. And even though this wasn't on the same levels as "Fairytale" or "Dragon" when it comes to flashbacks or revelations, it was still pretty sweet to watch.

Little Bandit's spellings made me chuckle xD I also weirdly like how it was revealed that he used to have a bird, mostly because it reminded me of a few pet birds my grandma had when I was little. I got a bit worried that Chris was going to get sad or offended about Bandit's comment on her cooking, but glad she took it with humor. 😜

I know Bandit never really liked his artstyle, but honestly, I find it kind of charming and cute. And pretty good for a five-year-old. 😉

🍴 Hungry

Another one that was just okay for me, personally. I mean, Bandit playing like this with the girls and making them laugh is always adorable to watch. And the dad jokes were strong with this one. A lot of people are probably not going to like the gross humor, but eh, it honestly doesn't bother me.

So yeah, this was classic Bandit. I think that's all I have to say. 😅

🐷 Three Pigs

Since "Cinderella" was one of my favorites of the original batch of Bonus Bits, I had high hopes for this one. And well, I won't say that I was disappointed, because I wasn't really. I just didn't enjoy it as much as "Cinderella", mostly because this one felt a LOT more fast-paced, and I was having a hard time keeping up with Bandit's story at one point. Mmmh, is the duration of this shorter than "Cinderella"? I'll have to check it out, but I don't think it is, which makes the fact that it felt so much more fast-paced kind of interesting. 😅 Maybe he just spoke more, I guess.

It was still pretty fun. Bandit naming two pigs after the girls was cute, and sending the other one away to make things easier for himself was really funny. 😝 I wish I had his improv skills, not gonna lie. 😅 As a little side-note, I'm a bit surprised Disney didn't change or omit the "It's against my religion" line.

But yeah. Didn't like it as much as I would've liked, but still a good time.

🍃 Animals

I think this might be my second favorite out of these new shorts. Keep in mind that I was raised by a single mother, so as much as I love Bandit, I'm always going to have a soft spot for episodes that focus on Chilli hanging out with the girls in some way. 🥹

I don't know, I just found the game really cute for some reason. 🧡 It's so simple, and pretty much just an excuse to tickle Bingo in different ways, but I like how creative they got for each animal's walk. And from a character design standpoint, it made a lot of sense to make Bingo's back a "field". Like, for some reason, that made me chuckle, I don't know xD These dogs are so cubical, it felt logical, LOL.

Chilli's games have always been lot more, well, chill than Bandit's xD But I've always been a calm kid, and once again, they remind me of things my own mom and I used to play, so they resonate with me. Despite the surprising ending, this minisode was just very sweet. 😊

Final thoughts:

Even though there wasn't really anything that extraordinary about these minisodes, one must keep in mind that they're not really meant to be compared to the regular Bluey episodes, which themselves have set a pretty high standard. These are just bite-sized, mostly slice-of-life little adventures to keep us interested in these characters in-between seasons. I've always been a lover of simple slice-of-life stories when characters I love are involved, and I love these characters a great deal, so I'll always like seeing them in any capacity, especially in official productions.

I do wish we could get a few shorts of other secondary characters such as Bluey's school friends, Bingo's school friends, the neighbors, or even Rad and Frisky. But I do think more of these are coming, especially considering that some of the stills that have been released as promos (such as Chilli measuring the girls or them arriving at Nana's house and Grandpa Bob being there) didn't appear in any of these. So I have no doubt we'll be getting more minisode batches soon, and hopefully, other characters will make appearances similarly to how they did in the first Bonus Bits.

Any Bluey content is always a win for me, so I'm happy we got these. 💙

[soahbee]

I Update one I

Hiii girls!! I'm here with a little update! Let me start by saying that I feel like I'm in a romance / drama novel or something that I'm going to have a difficult time getting out of if this continues. lol

We agreed that we would meet at the center bc he had business there and it didn't really matter to me bc anyway I almost had a heart attack twice while sitting on the bus. :):) I tried to dress nicely, although to be honest my ass almost froze in a skirt, because it was extremely cold today, but you have to do everything to be memorable, u know hihi…

I wrote to him that I was about to be there, and then he sent me the address of which cafe he was waiting in front of, which was actually a few steps away from the center. and oh my goodness girls…when I saw him uhh he was wearing an elegant gray jacket and he was smoking. I couldn't believe that this particular person was waiting for me. Anyway, I rushed over to him quickly, clutching my little gift in my hand, and when he looked at me, I waved at him, and he smiled at me and put out his cigarette. I honestly didn't know how to say hello, bc now we met outside of school and I was very embarrassed. >< But thank God I didn't put myself in an awkward position bc he immediately asked how my journey was and I said that the bus wasn't far, so it was quite good, then I asked what this place was, while I looked into the cute little cafe, which I hadn't been to before.

He said that this is one of his favorite cafes in the center, it's small but not crowded and the cakes are very delicious. So we went in and the whole place was really so cozy, I could still feel the Christmas spirit. The seats were in such a separated u-shape / or in a semi-circular shape (I hope you understand) with a round table, so when I sat down I actually realized that R was quite close to me, bc we were not sitting opposite each other. (adjsweferg)

I tried to hide the fact that I was embarrassed in front of him and immediately started looking at the menu, while he started to tell me so cutely that he was very tired these few days, bc he also had to correct the exam assignments while he was with his family. I also told him that it's not easy to be a teacher, and then I conspicuously shut my mouth. I saw him wear black turtleneck top and OMG his muscles looked really good in him and I think he noticed that I looked at him bc he just grinned at me and asked what was wrong and I just laughed and said that it was nothing. But AHH GIRLS it really looked like I was staring him flirty … my face must have been as red as a tomato LOL kill me

I quickly asked what he would recommend and while we chose cakes and coffee we started talking. He asked me how my Christmas was and while I was telling the story, I noticed several times that he was paying so much attention to me… sometimes I didn't even know what I was saying, bc he was simply mesmerizing me with his eyes. Meanwhile, he was relaxed all the time, as if it was such a natural thing that we meet and you know… this is not fair bc ah I WAS DYING LOL HOW WAS U SO CALM??

Then we got our order, I asked for caramel coffee + apple pie and he asked for plain black coffee + cheese cake. Everything was very delicious and I told him this pie was also very delicious and then I asked how his cheesecake was and he replied: "Its good, would you like to taste it?" (EXCUSEMEEEEE) and me was like a little girl who dont know what to do but i said

"may I taste it?

then he gave me a small piece of it and it was really good, but I don't know what was better, the cake or the fact that it was his cake..😳

and don't get mad girls, but I have to stop updating here, bc honestly a lot happened today, I'm really exhausted and I'm about to fall asleep.😭😭 But I thought I'd give you a quick update and I promise I'll continue tomorrow in another post!!! <3333

[firegirl888101]

The Halloween special was so nice!also I'm not sure if you celebrate it but Happy Choti Diwali!💗yk how ppl make memes abt the 9/11(which is a very bad thing to do) and call it dark humor?similarly do you think ppl would make memes about the McDonald's Massacre?

(I clearly have too much free time lol)

Hiya again &lt;;3 @dottoreandcolumbinaslovechild

Thank you so much for enjoying it, next year I'll include some ideas people have recommended me in my inbox ;)

I forgot to reply to this on the day you sent it, but I hope you had a nice time!I had to Google what you meant because I didn't know what you were talking about and it sounds really cool! All the candles and colours look really cute! <33

If people want to make memes for Insatiable Madness then I would feel honoured, I've never had people express enjoyment about anything I've ever created or written before - so I'd feel really happy if someone were to show something they spent their own time creating! x

kind of serious talk underneath:

If you're not talking about Insatiable Madness, then I'm not sure what you mean by 'McDonald's Massacre'. Personally, I find making memes about tragic historic events as morally wrong considering many victims were affected and could be affected further if they read it today. But, I always have to remind myself at the end of the day it's still spreading awareness about what happened. Like, because I'm from the U.K and relatively young, I first found out about 9/11 and the Twin Towers existence from memes and eventually did my own research.

Does this mean all memes taking the mick of historical events are justified? Of course not. There's a line you don't cross, and I'm glad most of the time people don't act like dicks and post things that offend others without consequences online or in real life. I believe that as long as it doesn't hurt anyone, people are free to do whatever they like. An example I can give is a meme about the Holocaust a Jewish person posted - which was recorded in a lighthearted way, and taken in a lighthearted way from viewers. This, in my opinion, is what dark humour is. It talks and jokes about a situation in the past, and doesn't harm anyone in the future. This doesn't mean only Jewish people can joke about the Holocaust - but what I am saying is as long as nobody affected by the joke is offended or causes an uproar, I'm pretty sure it's okay.

As a British person, I and a lot of people across the globe make fun and talk about our Monarchy due to its history and current representation in the media. It's not hurting anyone, and talking about our Monarchy in this country in both positive and negative ways has been happening for hundreds of years. With that in mind, I personally see nothing wrong with pointing and making jokes - as long as it's not pulling and/or offending someone in the process.

Thank you all for reading if you made it this far. If you have any questions regarding anything I've said I will do my best to explain further - and if anybody would like to educate me on anything I might have missed, once again, feel free to tell me! I love learning about new things and being aware of events all over the world - good and bad.

edit: got rid of the sentence which was wrong, so sorry about that!

[lover-of-mine]

Your last post is funny bc just TODAY I watched that season finally. I’m literally 2 episodes into season 5 right now. As someone who just watched that for the first time (and hadn’t noticed it WAS the season finally when I started watching it) I was losing my goddamn MIND watching those episodes. Just constantly 😯😯😯. I began watching 911 when I started seeing posts circulating about Buck being bi. At the time I had no idea who he was other than the occasional gif set but it made me intrigued and I have been HOOKED. Literally trying to get through as many episodes as possible so I can watch the episodes live. Questions for you (since I have no one else to talk to about the show); when did you start watching? Have you had any predictions while watching the show that didn’t/ did come true? Like for me when I watched season 1 and Abby went to the fire department for the first time I SWORE up and down that her and Bobby were meant to be endgame (was clearly wrong lol). But also after Chris got stuck in the Tsunami I called it that something would happy to Harry later on (just a feeling that no one was safe lol, not even the kids). I’m just so curious to see what the fandom theories have been over time lol since I missed out on it!

Yeah, no, watching suspicion/survivors for the first time is WILD. Like, imma be honest and bit oversharing, I watched the show for the first time in a depressive episode, so I watched everything up to 5x10 in like, 6 days according to the posts I made on Tumblr about it, so I didn't realize theorize about anything, I was just hitting next episode like my life depended on it. But I didn't know anything about the show, like, at all, I had just watched 911 lone star in a weekend because it was on the tv and there were only like, 20 episodes of it out it at the time and a network in my country was just showing all of them on a loop, and I opened the Disney app fully intending to rewatch grey's anatomy, and 911 was the first show on my recommended to you list, and I had liked lone star enough, and was like sure why not. And I legit couldn't stop watching. All of this happened the week before 5x11 aired on the us, so 5x11 was the first episode I watched like "live" (the first episode I actually watched live was 5x16) but I watched it in the same week, I think I finished on a Tuesday? And the episode aired on Monday. I can't really give you any theories I have witnessed so far because they would be spoilers tho, but if you wanna come back once you catch up we can talk about some of the madness that goes around here. But I had the same thing happen to me, I didn't realize it was the season finale, and I didn't know anything about the show, so I had no idea what was happening, and I thought I had learned my lesson with the tsunami arc, because I watched 3x01 at like 3 am fully saying this is the last episode I will watch and then I'm gonna go to bed, and then the tsunami hit, and I was like well fuck and then Chris fell in the water and next thing I know is 5 am and Eddie is making me cry at the end there. But I saw the 13 and didn't realize the season only had 14 episodes and then everything kept happening. I seriously cannot imagine what it was like to be forced to wait a week between those 2 episodes it was SO CRAZY. When Eddie got shot I legit froze. Watching that for the first time not knowing it's coming is SOMETHING. I do remember thinking that they were gonna kill Shannon but I didn't expect to be right, I also remember clocking that Jason was Doug pretty fast. Something funny tho, I remember posting that meme that's like "I've had blank for 1 day and a half but if anything happened to him I'd kill everyone in this room and myself" with Buck and I waited until I had been watching for a day and a half, that means I posted it while watching the season 2 finale. I hit post and the truck blew up and I legit went like ????????? and that is still the most ironic thing that ever happened to me while posting about 911 kspskspkspakapkapa (here's the post, I actually came back to edit the tags because I was in shock lol) and I laugh every time I remember that lol but I'm glad you're enjoying the show, you can come back to talk to me about it any time!;

[leggyre]

hi all! sorry, this is going to be a bit of a sad post.

I just want to share that Nano passed away today. He was a very old bun at 9 years old and we just couldn't keep it up with his increasingly difficult health issues.

As of right now, I'm not asking for consolation or any words of comfort. It's the first time I'm dealing with a loss of this scale, of something I've loved so dearly for so long, that I'll never get back.

I'm still coming to terms about how I feel about it. There were so many times I felt like meeting him was fate. And to be honest, I still do. I set out to adopt a classic white bunny(because honestly that's the only color I had ever seen in the place before) but between all the sleepy or hungry babies there was a little black mischievous boy hoping around and approaching people who gave my finger little kisses and I just couldn't leave him there. We didn't have any boxes or cages to carry him in so he got to pee on my lap on the way home lol

The first time he licked me after that day, something I thought would take ages to happen after lengthy Bunny Research(tm) telling me so, was maybe within a few days or a week, but what made the moment as special as it was for me was the fact I was sitting on the ground, having a breakdown, crying my eyes out. I have a really hard time using the word love to others because I'm never sure of my feelings and I don't want to say it without meaning, but from then on I had never been so sure about how much I loved him.

I have a lot of other stories like that. He helped me learn a lot about myself. He gave me company at my worst. I missed him so much when I had to stop allowing him on the bed to take a nap with me because one day he just decided peeing there was okay. I laid down on the floor on the most uncomfortable positions for the longest time because he had fallen asleep in my arms. I did that this morning, after I was told he might not make it when we went to see the vet today. It didn't even feel like anything was wrong, really. I kinda thought maybe we shouldn't go and I could keep doing that tomorrow. And the day after. And the next. But every time he woke up and shuffled around it was so easy for me to tell he was uncomfortable, trying to find a way to lay down in a way that would ease the pain. He didn't look any different to most people, but I memorized every single kind of motion he ever did.

And it's funny to think that he knew me the same way. He knew exactly what me shutting off the computer sounded like and that it was the perfect time to beg for snacks and attention. He knew when I was hiding something for him. He knew exactly where I walked so he could leave the god damned piss traps in the way when he was mad at me. He knew that if he kept poking his nose out the fence long enough I'd come back eventually to pet him more even if I had already walked all the way to my bed and laid down. And he knew that he could come to me for comfort whenever he felt scared or in pain. He trusted me so much and that meant the world to me.

Just to add one weird, maybe funny thing that's gonna keep me pondering forever; one day, years ago, I wished that I could be the one to take any pain he'd ever feel. Since then, I kind of took note that we'd have our sickest days together, and often in similar ways. It's most likely confirmation bias, but I do like to think I did manage to take some of his pain from him.

Well. My plan was just to share the news and go on with my day. Think about stuff. Couldn't keep from writing this much, though, so I just decided to let it all out anyway.

Again, I don't want any comfort. I will always love him, the things he taught me, and the memories I'm blessed with. I will be okay.

I want the thought of him to keep bringing joy into my life, because that's the thing he's always been the best at. The second best was destroying specifically videogame related cables.

heres some shenanigans to brighten up the mood :]

and here's a cute pic from years ago as well 🐇💞

[norellenilia]

Damn, I remember the first time I watched FMA 03, when I was 16 or 17, I stayed up until 1 am to finish it, and today, watching episodes 38 through 42 turned me into such an emotional mess that I have to take a break lmao what happened??? My own emotional traumas, that's what happened

I'm feeling so many things again

In episode 38, when Ed and Al are fighting, Al drenches Ed in water and he says "it's going to rain!!!" and I'm like haha no don't try to pull a Mustang on me I know this episode won't make me cry and GUESS WHAT the flashback with Trisha convincing Ed to go and find Al so they can talk things out and Al looking so happy that Ed isn't upset with him anymore it's so cute I CRIED

I need -- no, I DEMAND a spin-off series where Winry and Scziezka solve murder mysteries together (I'd love to write it myself but I know I'm not nearly good enough at coming up with mystery stories lol), they're adorable I'm so happy they totally get together post CoS

Martel's death hits SO MUCH HARDER than I remembered holy shit, she and Al actually got close, we see more of her, her death is so horrific and hearing sweet sweet baby boy Alphonse cry just BROKE MY HEART I never wanted to hug an armor so badly

Scar's brother's last moments, the way he looks so terrified and desperate to protect his little brother from Kimblee and Scar being so devastated when he dies I just-- *clenches fist*

Sloth using Ed's PTSD against him that's so UNFAIR; also I was thinking that I was a bit disappointed that this anime did not include the nightmare that Ed has at some point in the manga where he sees his mom saying "why didn't you make me right" etc but this is it, this is this scene, and it's worse because he's hearing it for real, he is very much awake, he has the real voice of his mom in his ears and she's saying this to him and I'm-- *clenches fist harder*

Rose's story, I'm still so mad, she deserves all the happiness in the world

Speaking of Rose, it's so funny how the moment Al is like "I wonder how Rose is doing" the show just full on goes "Ed/Rose shipper" mode lmao, with Ed blushing while pretending not to remember her, him being so awkward when he speaks to her just before they go on their separate ways and her son just smiling and giggling when he speaks (first time we see the baby laugh, he had only been crying up until then) :') To be honest it feels a bit out of the blue to me but idk

Dante sporting Lyra's white ass in the town of brown people and speaking as if she was part of them just because she's following Rose around to manipulate her is incredibly cringe, but then again, it's Dante, she's the villain and we're already supposed to know something is up with "Lyra". But still.

Very random but Al pulling objects from or putting objects inside his armor from behind the cloth always looks very awkward lol

I used to never really care about Scar but I have learned the errors of my way as I now realize he is actually one of the best characters in this goddamn series, even with the orb of knowledge and the three arm losses, and Mangahood!Scar being much more villainized and ending up working with the military will never come even CLOSE to 03!Scar using his last bit of strength to save Alphonse to honor his love for his lost brother and take his ultimate revenge on those who murdered his people in the goal of protecting oppressed people, all of this while an epic music is playing (honestly it even feels like Ed is made to be seen as an obstacle as he tries to prevent the soldiers from entering Liore lol)

Sorry but Wrath is annoying as hell, I know that I'll probably have a different opinion if I rewatch CoS after that, but for now I hate him

We're finally entering the "Rewrite" era of the show and I had forgotten how much it rocks (Ed's hair animation at the beginning fhjkfhkdhjk)

I only have 9 episodes left but between Lust and Sloth in the upcoming episodes I'm not even sure I'll be able to watch it all in one go lol. Still excited to see more of Winry and Scziezka and remembering how much Hohenheim is absolutely useless in this x)

[dana-chan-the-control-brain]

I think I realized what an impossible task I have at my job to accomplish, and how the teachers view the library staff as a parasite.

Some of it is my fault.

But in retrospect, it's as if I sneezed loudly at a wrong moment, and now the Staff there treat me like a batman tier war criminal, and it's entirely unfair.

Example and dumb rambles of Teacher staff drama under the cut cus I'm fed up and just making this Tumblr post to vent if anything.

Today, there was a buffet potluck for Teacher staff. So I asked if I could have some. They said yes. But once I had food, they were upset I was eating "teacher staff" food and it wasn't for Library Staff.

They even sent the Elementary Guidance Councilor to tell me this. And they spoke in the same voice that they use for five year olds having a disagreement.

But this wasn't a disagreement, more of a misunderstanding.

I mean, did they think I'd eat the whole potluck? Did they want me to contribute?

I gladly would have. Heck, I could have given the parent teacher association money if that's what this was about.

I know why they treat me this way. It's because I took a few small foods from the PTO breakroom in the past without paying for them. Planning to pay back once I got my paycheck. (I'm not the only one to do this. The few teachers who I am friendly with do this all the time and assured me it was fine.)

This was over five months ago and I have since payed back the money, apologized for my mistake and misunderstanding, and have been trying to move on. As my job revolves around having good working relationship with the staff there.

So I will admit fault for my slip ups of work related hunger and poverty.

I can take responsibility for my actions, and I have sense been trying to build my relationships up since.

What I didn't appreciate was that they told me I was allowed to potluck functions, something I double checked and asked about, and made sure it was absolutely okay for me to have this food, which they said alright, then got mad when I took a small amount of food, locked me out of the breakroom, despite me having a key, and treated me like a war criminal or a Snorlax that'll eat the whole damn potluck.

Not to mention, my boss also wants me to "come up with something" to organize the library in a new way.

When they admitted personally that they don't know what they want.

So I don't know what to research.

But since I'm on probation on yet another job, I will get fired if I don't find or come up with something they want by the end of the month.

The task is impossible.

Partially self inflicted. I know I did some of this myself. But I don't think it's all self inflicted. I think it's also part of the Teacher Staff being very catty and clichey and just treating the library staff like unwanted parasites or outsiders.

And I don't think I deserve a lot of the isolation that they put me though. (I either have a choice of eating in the hallway where the library is located or a broom closet these days. And yes, the superintendent was the one who made this "compromise" so their food doesn't get "stolen" Granted, the custodians can't use the breakroom now either.... But the substitutes can.)

Either I'll quit or be fired by the end of the year.

I think I'm too autistic to have a job where building relationships and have everyone like you be part of my job description.

I feel I'm too autistic for a job anymore in general.

Anyway, long story short:

Me: oh cool. Nice food. Can I have some?

Them: sure.

Me: (eating) them: no, no. Bad girl. That's teacher food.

[schizopositivity]

Hello hello– someone on the schizophrenic-spec here– I've been struggling a lot / flogging myself for struggling with basic hygiene.

My question / ask is primarily; is this struggle.. common? I suppose is the word? Like is it something others on this spectrum deal with? And if so– why? ( Knowing the why's often helps me figure things out and work through them is all )

And additionally; a positivity post in regards to bad hygiene and not being "lesser" for it? Perhaps?

( Apologies if this is accidentally a vent btw. )

The struggle is common, and is often seen as a result of the negative symptoms of schizophrenia.

Usually it's thought to be caused by our avolition (lack of motivation to complete basic tasks like taking care of hygiene). It could also be that executive dysfunction (trouble organizing thoughts and actions, and getting distracted) is common amongst schizo-spec people. Also since depression is common in schizo-spec people that could also contribute to lack of hygiene maintenance (like not thinking you are worth it or not seeing a point in it, or again lack of motivation). And for me and my schizophrenia, I have trouble reading ques from my body when it tells me to do things, so sometimes I need to be reminded by others when to eat, brush my teeth, use the bathroom, wash my clothes, etc. Also for hygiene things like the dentist, it could be because the reasons I listed in my post about how it can be hard for schizophrenic people to go to the Dr. for treating their physical health.

It could be any of these reasons or a combination of them, either way it is very common for people on the schizo-spec to struggle with hygiene. It's okay to struggle with this and it shouldn't be seen as a flaw of the person with it. It's just another part of their disorder.

Although I do think working on improving hygiene for schizo-spec people is very important. A lot of routine hygiene is to prevent problems in the future like tooth decay, infections, fungus, and plenty of others. I'd never blame the individual for these eventual problems, but I do think it's important to be aware of the possible repercussions and if possible, work on avoiding them. Maybe by googling "how often should I _" and then setting reminders in your phone. Or doing what you can at the moment like "I don't feel like showering today but maybe I can wash my feet and face and armpits in the sink" or "I can't brush my teeth but I think I can use some mouthwash".

It's not something anyone should see as "gross" or a moral flaw, it's just another symptom in a disorder that you can't control and didn't choose. The mentality that unhygienic people are less than comes from centuries of classism, racism and ableism. It's never the judged individual's fault, it reflects more on the person with the prejudice to judge. It doesn't matter if you can't afford hygiene products, are seen as inherently unhygienic, can't maintain hygiene because of physical or mental disability, it's never your fault for being judged for it. Even if it does lead to health issues in the future, that's still not worthy of being judged. And also no one is better than you for being hygienic, that comes more from privilege than from hard work or moral righteousness.

This has been a struggle for me, especially mentally to not see myself as gross for not being able to maintain hygiene. It's been a long journey of unlearning bias, and seeing what is best for me, and not best for other people. I try to balance it out like being really proud of myself for flossing and brushing my teeth one day, yet not being mad at myself when I don't have the energy to floss and brush my teeth another day. It's just another thing I have to think about, that others might not have to.

[sniffanimal]

🥱

Under a cut bc it's weird and might get long but anyways since I've been posting a lot of my Working On Me™️ type posts lately I thought I'd process some emotions I'm experiencing out loud to like, model the process maybe for someone who needs it? I dunno, if this isn't your jam then the back button is there 🤷‍♂️

So, it's a 3 day weekend. My initial plan for the weekend was to have 3 days of getting everything in order and set me up for success in the next week.

I spent yesterday productively! And I had a good evening, and woke up early and-

lost any steam I had. I've been glaring at my to-do list, doing random sidequest type activities like drawing, brushing my cats or organizing my pins on Pinterest. Basically anything except doing anything I was needing to do. And now at 3pm, I've decided fuck It today will be a reset and recharge day to take it easy

But the problem is now I'm mad I wasted all morning frustrated out of my gourd. If I had recognized I was frustrated sooner, I might have had more time to relax and also saved myself the anger!

I find things that are 100% within my control but go awry to be particularly frustrating because my biggest coping skill is understanding when things are out of my control. But I was the one who set my intentions for the day, and I'm the one I let down.

I think the feeling I'm experiencing is similar to emotional exhaustion (?) in the sense that in the moment the emotions felt useful, properly placed, and cathartic (if not good), but after the fact you just feel silly and embarrassed and exhausted. It's a bit of shame, I should have would have could have.

I think the way I need to see this is reflect on what were my early signs that I was not going to have a productive day, and how I can remember those for next time so I can act sooner. Turn this into reflection and learning. Sometimes you don't know your limits until you're at them.

I noticed I was struggling to start my tasks when I skipped part of my morning routine. I didn't eat breakfast right away. Then, I started looking for excuses to not do things on my list. It's expensive to do laundry, it's raining, I'm hungry/tired/under stimulated, the cats need playtime, etc.

I think if I have a day when I can't jump right into what I'm supposed to do right away, I should have a set routine I try to reset myself and failing that I will have a relaxation day.

That routine could look like taking a shower, or a nap, or going for a walk. Do something active (i.e., not watch tv or scroll or something passive) that isn't on my list and if The momentum helps realign me, then good!

I don't think that would have worked today though. I do have some physical fatigue that I'm struggling to cut through.

I'm going to now turn my phone off and nap for a couple hours, and maybe I'll be set up for being able to cook dinner when I get up.

I feel better about what happened today after walking through it like this. too bad I'm not in therapy anymore, this would get me an A+ for sure