#I'M STRUGGLING SO BAD Y'ALL
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Me: Veteran difficulty is going to be hard
Me, when Veteran difficulty proved to indeed be hard:
#I'M STRUGGLING SO BAD Y'ALL#LIKE I'VE MADE IT FAIRLY FAR#I'M AT THE END OF ONE SHOT ONE KILL#AND IT IS HELL#how are you supposed to beat that part 😭#i've made it so close but every time I get close some guy comes up from behind and kills me#and macmillan is useless#which doesn't help#i'm struggling so bad dudes#cod mw#thoughts with luke#luke's gaming corner
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Round 6
Round: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8
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#detective conan#music#polls#detco posting#my stuff#be grateful that ai wa itsumo didn't end up in the previous round we are off to a strong start with this one#freaking iconic all right#also i swear youtube has something against naifu such BANGERS AND YET!! A CRIME!!!#in the process of making this and 5/5 so far. will this e even more of an impossible choice than the previous round? for me definitely#like wtf did my shuffle do here#at 7 and i'm dying WHAT THE FCK SHUFFLE YOU ARE EVIL#i reached the last one and god MY SHUFFLE IS PURE EVIL#i could only eliminate 1! 1!!!!! OF THESE AND NO FCKIN MORE AND EVEN THAT WITH AN ACHING HEART... perhaps 2 at the worst#i hate you shuffle I HATE YOU BAD SHUFFLE#at this point i'm surprised that mune ga doki doki and unmei no roulette mawashite is not in this round#that would be my death and absolute overkill#what the fuck shuffle#happy struggling everyone#you will suffer with this one for one reason or another me thinks#no more suffering and struggling for y'all i have mercy#no more banger polls this is the last for today#i fear y'all and i as well would die if i did more#what thE ABSOLUTE FCK SHUFFLE
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I think I'm gonna tell my therapist how I feel. Not in a "let's go out" way but in a laying it bare way.
#I have simply noooot been doing well 😭#And I need a therapist I can be honest with#So I think I really just need to tell her#Idk how I'm gonna word it#But I see her tomorrow morning. Little less than twelve hours#I will DEFINITELY be reporting back here 💀#Cause I know I've dragged y'all through this saga with me#Y'all deserve to know what she's gonna say to me#God bless 💀#No fr#I'm scared but I'm also in a spot where I simply need someone I can be open with cause your girl is struggling BAD#All that to say y'all should stay tuned
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DBF PATRICK PLEASE
i hear you guys and i'm matching your freak. this will most likely be the next thing i post if i can ever get off my ass and stop being overly critical about my writing lmao
+ A SNEAK PEEK! cause ik some of you have been asking for one and cause i feel bad for not posting more this week :))))) 18+ under the cut mdni!
#i'm struggling through this one y'all#literally crashing out#it's so sad#and lowkey pathetic#like just write omfg#i'm embarrassing me so bad#rn#patrick zweig smut
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sorry, i'm really busy! i have to go to dinner at my partner's parents' house which is for me possibly one of the most anxiety inducing, near triggering things i have to do and then it's just. general holiday stuff.
but i love y'all and i'll be posting my dreblr secret exchange thing soon! <3 <3 <3
#i was riding that post video high and now i'm struggling not to cry i don't want to go#they judge me so so bad they hate me y'all#loyal talks about stuff and things
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TIL writer’s burnout is a thing and I recognize myself in the symptoms ;-;
#I have been struggling so bad with writing and I couldn't figure out what was wring bc I love writing#turns out the big time-based and quality-based expectations I put on myself and forcing so hard to write due to said expectations did damage#I'm so sorry i might have to do a small writing hiatus or smthn#Tbh I think I was taking my writing way too seriously and forgetting it's fanfic i'm making for free#like im not getting a cent out of this im not trying to impress a boss or anything#and i'm not saying this in a mean way im saying this in a “rly should have been more gentle on myself” way#and by putting so much on my shoulders for something that should be feeling small I started feeling overwhelmed and exhausted just thinking/#/of picking up my keyboard#im sorry I really dont want to disappoint y'all but it's just not working atm ;-;#rambling
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#this may not mean much to those who haven't followed me for long#but for my long term followers I thought I'd share a super positive update about my oldest 17 yo son#you may remember that for years he's suffered immensely from anxiety depression and panic attacks#he's since been diagnosed with autism which explains a lot of it (as has my daughter)#but it was so bad we had to take him out of school in 7th grade and it's still questionable whether he'll graduate#he's spent 5 years having almost no social contact other than online & hasn't been able to participate in anything but family events#because of anxiety and panic attacks#but y'all#Y'ALL#he just started his FIRST JOB#we worked with voc rehab & they got him a job at a thrift store run by parents of an autistic child so they know exactly what pace he needs#and he WAS ABLE TO DO IT#you have NO IDEA how amazing this is for him#and how much of a relief it is for me#because this means he's doing better#and he may actually find his way out of this and be able to build himself a bit of a future#it's amazing you just don't know how amazing it is after the last five years of struggles we've been through#so sorry that was a novel but I'm just so proud of him#he has it in him I know that he does#he just needed a break from life for a few years to find that bit of strength
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What does everyone do when they have downtime at work? It's weirdly slow today and I've been playing THTH and Love Island on my phone, but I'm kind of bored with one and waiting for more content in the other. Anyone have any fun shows they watch, podcasts I could listen to? Honestly, I'll do anything to not be bored anymore.
#bearcreekstarter#/ y'all i'm struggling with my texts lol#/ so have some bad starters instead!#/ i'll try my texts again later 💖
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I won't lie, all of this OC talk is making me quite glad of that decision to make OCs for myself only, going as far as making it a rule not to share them or my writings with anyone for years. It was a blessing in disguise, because I went from finding OCs a stressful performance that had to be perfect and not cringe, to them becoming my little happy island where I could creatively thrive and have my own fun on my own time. Self-doubt never stood a chance to ruin it for me because I was the only one around to enjoy them and it was all tailored to just my own tastes with no outside influence but what I liked *dabs* Even now that I am starting to share them, it's not as scary as before, because it just means my tastes are different than other people's, and that's okay. If anything, me being so unapologetically okay with it makes it even better when others actually appreciate my stuff, because that means they like what I made while being 100% myself!
That said, I'm very aware that it still had its own downsides (wasn't easy at first, I had no one to go feral about them with, all was very lonely indeed) and we human beings instinctually crave validation from others, but I strongly encourage y'all to channel a bit of that energy into your own OCs. The moment you realize you can do truly whatever you like with your brainchildren is the moment you'll taste true freedom and reach a new level of enjoyment for them.
Seriously, who cares if it's a little boring guy that's cringe? It's your guy, you made him yourself for yourself! That is nice and amazing by itself! Actually, go ahead, make the most boring and cringe average OC ever that gives you the good vibes, then go eat the most embarrassing/boring comfort food you like as a reward! I guarantee that if I read about that guy, I'll probably wish I had made that boring cringe guy and I'll want to know more!
And what if someone doesn't like them like you do? Well…
#Skye says stuff#I'm doing quite poorly today and have bad experiences with this so this is rambly and not greatly worded sorry#I struggled a long time with OCs and none ever really clicked BECAUSE I saw them as a performance or “something that had to be marketable”#the fact that gw2 OCs were tied to someone else's work made them quite freeing in that regard. other things happened in between -#but after that realization I saw how badly the “other people must like my OCs” mentality had ruined some of my past stories and OCs.#heck I loathed them before anyone had even SEEN them. so I threw away some and I'm still in the process of salvaging a few.#I'm serious please don't go that route and save your precious OCs from that fate ç_ç JUST ENJOY YOURSELF PLEASE#also none of y'all are allowed to feel bad about your OCs when I read your rambles about them for comfort >:V *shakes you a little*
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one thing about me is even if i hated the book i just read i will still be defending the main character while all the goodreads reviewers go on about how whiny and selfish she is
#hi do you not understand she was 18 and did not get to figure out her own identity before becoming the wife of a grown man#do you not understand how postpartum works lol like she did a bad thing leaving the kid for a few months#but like. definitely worse things a struggling mother can do!#like she was doing all that with zero support because neither of them were connected to their parents at that point#and she didn't get to make any friends because as soon as she came into this city she got pulled into his life#and he's certainly not helping because he's always working and he thinks she has it so easy being with a baby all day#even though he absolutely DOES see how impossible it is to calm the kid and YET#and even when she leaves and he has to do shit himself and sees firsthand he still doesn't acknowledge it much#anyway that was a dumb book but it's like i always go looking to reviews for validation on not liking it and i see that shit#and i'm just like no no she was not the issue#it's literally like.........so many books i read where a woman is Going Through It#and is somehow expected to just be graceful and perfect all the time both within the book and by readers??? like what are y'all on#being rightfully unhappy about your situation does not make you whiny even when you're in the wrong sometimes you need to complain! damn!#and also she rarely did complain that's why she had to just leave because if she had said anything to her husband#about her struggles he would have dismissed her and told her to wait it out#god. i think it was very weird that i didn't see mention of the age difference in other reviews#literally. just graduated high school. he is 28. i'm just.
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gonna be honest, the sheer amount of drafts i have makes me want to perish and thus even entering my drafts inspires the urge to run away immediately ASDFGFD
#NGL THIS IS WHY I'VE BEEN CONCENTRATING ON MEMES#the idea of scrolling through all of my drafts rn makes me want to actually close my laptop oh man#i wish there was a mass delete button so i could just reset the whole thing and simply ask which threads y'all wanted to keep#bc if i try to go through and delete stuff myself i think i'll struggle a lot with keeping and tossing#i'm very bad about 'well i don't have muse now but i wanna see how it turns out so badly!!'#memes piling up doesn't stress me out as much bc most are quick blurbs with unprompted asks sprinkled in#and those are much quicker to scroll through and just?? i dunno easier to find muse for sometimes#but i wanna write consistent threads very badly y'all i wanna go 'AAAAHHH' bc of what our muses are getting up to!!#my brain is being so mean rn she needs to get it together#get ready to ramble | ooc
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Haha, no dude, it's uuuuuuuh, totally normal to treat people's personal creations like a corporate franchise, nah nah, it's not even a little weird that the only way you interact with fandom is by mindlessly consuming content and reposting other people's work, I'm sure it's totally fine to just disregard the creator's wishes as long as you get to have your 2 minutes of fun with "your" new blorbos before your criminally short attention span moves onto the next thing for you to mindlessly consume, yeah, haha, I'm sure framing the creator's struggle to keep control of their work as a threat to your future ability to continue to consume content isn't totally self-centered or tone-deaf. No yeah man, haha, totally normal
#Can you tell that I'm extremely mad at the state of things?#I don't know who all is following Clown's struggles with W/elcome H/ome#but I'm extremely upset on his behalf because so many people are treating his passion project so mindlessly#And like fuck man he's struggling with this new found popularity and so many people just rushed to see his work as a product to swallow up#And it's mind-numbingly horrible to me that so many people can't see Clown as a person#This isn't anything new there have always been these mindless content consumers in internet spaces#but damn it's so bad now because content consumption has just become so easy and people don't really interact with art like they used to#Like it's so disappointing for me to see how thoughtlessly people have disregarded Clown's rules about his work#Like fuck have y'all see how fast people made public merchandise of his work??? It makes me sick to my stomach#I was already following Clown's work before Welcome Home blew up and I really feel for him right now#Sorry for the whole post written in the tags lol
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Death's Guide 🌙
After nearly an entire year of struggling, I'm so, so happy to complete this piece for my senior thesis!!! I am very excited, ah!
[id: An illustration of a young teen, walking cane in hand, chasing after a crow with white feathers. The crow flies underneath a yellow moon surrounded by towering pines. A blue aura emanates off of its wings. White lilies are covering the ground. /end id]
#illustration#Crow#artists on tumblr#Kodi Draws#Since 2021 I've been struggling with some bad muscle cramps and inflammation in my hands and forearms#It put me behind with my work so much. It was very frustrating! It still is. Have to rest the majority of the time which doesn't line up/#with my schedule but aaaaa. Just can't happen when I'm studying to become an illustrator#Even now my hands are starting to cramp a little. So getting here has been difficult! My back doesn't help#But I'm so happy to have gotten this piece done at last. The plan is 6 pages in the form of a comic / another illustration#Hopefully some character studies#But I am just so happy y'all. At the very least I gave this piece my all. Stretch and rest your hands!!!#Time for me to do the same right now
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the way i teared up instantly and chiyo wailed from the backseat of my mind
#and nari staring from the front seat like are y'all okay---#absolutely not ;;;;;;;#tw for mental illness talk!#the rain metaphor is what got me and the lil side hug i'm just!!! AHHH like it's casual but sincere and i'm so soft#and the distinction between being the one who holds an umbrella and someone who stands in the rain too#like don't just shield chiyo from the rain but be there in it with her and help her through it ;;;;;#granted this is talking about depression? and i wouldn't say chiyo is depressed? i think?? she just struggles internally a ton#there's a lot she keeps in and deems too much to let others see#and there are days that are bad for her#i dunno it's just a metaphor than can definitely apply with her situation and i'm emotional thinking about it#i don't think i'm explaining myself very well though asdfg#get ready to ramble | ooc
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what the fuck did they mean by this
#➳ the fool speaks#rhetorical none of y'all can read minds I'm just the personification of ''whuh'' about this#this was in response to me telling her abt star . but . I'm nawt a system or anything ?#surely memory gaps ‚ hearing a voice in uur head that isn't uur own sometimes and feeling only somewhat present in uur body for several hrs#a day is normal right . ok ok normal is a bad choice of words bc i know i struggle w derealization ++ depersonalization++ dissociation#but like . I'm never nawt me . I'm always me . so ???? yeah no I'm nawt plural or anything like that ??????
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I feel so weird when people on this site are nice to me because I tend to feel like I'm not worthy of it if I'm simply existing. Like, no one should be nice to me if I'm not talented - if I can't write fic or draw or something. And it's like, the dumbest brain thing? Why on earth would that be the case? I don't feel that way about people, so why would they feel that way about me? And if they do feel that way, why would I want to be around them? Like what the fuck? Brain, please.
#to clarify - I'm not actually upset rn#these are really intrusive thoughts that I deal with a lot BUT#I'm in a place where I can say it without being upset so I'm gonna#just while I have the opportunity lol#that's the biggest reason I struggle with my tagging system; like I've mentioned before#and I know it holds me back!#but I do still sometimes feel weird when like two really talented friends are reblogging each others' art and pointing out technical things#and I am clapping like a seal on the sidelines#anyway hi good morning I had 4 hours of sleep#but I swear I'm not sad don't worry#I do think it's sad that this is really common as far as I can tell#and if I'm feeling it as someone who doesn't really make things - what is it like for authors and artists??#I feel so bad for y'all. not to be all 'we live in a society' lol#but society has really placed a big burden on y'all#what is this post even saying now?? I've lost the plot lol#viper pls
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