#I'M NOT OKAY EITHER *sobs*
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Everytime you make Christine and Michael hate each other or fight over Jeremy, an angel loses it's wings
#I'm so serious rn#why would you do this#I'M SOBBING THEY WOULD BE BEST FRIENDS#BOYFRIENDS IN LAW IF YOU WILL#THEY'RE LITERALLY BEST FRIENDS#THEY GET ALONG GREAT OKAY I'M RIGHT#MICHAEL DOESN'T SHOW THE TINIEST HATRED TOWARDS CHRISTINE#IN THE WHOLE SHOW#ALSO CHRISTINE DOESN'T EITHER TOWARDS MICHAEL#BUT THAT'S BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T TALK ABOUT HIM OR ANYTHING#BUT THEY'RE BESTIES#OKAY#THEY HUG IN VIMH ON BWAY#AND THEY ARE SO SILLY#IS THIS A REAL ARGUMENT? NO#BUT I'VE DECIDED THAT'S CANON PROOF#BUT STOP MAKING THEM HATE EACH OTHER!!!!#SPECIALLY BECAUSE OF JEREMY#LIKE NUH UH#HE HAS TWO HANDS OKAY#TWO HANDS#MAKE THEM ALL DATE OR SOMETHING#THEY'RE SILLY#be more chill#bmc#michael mell#christine canigula#jeremy heere
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//ooc posting: I NEED to find more fun/silly things to do with my two they are Not meant to be all agony all the time I swear- I just have a penchant for the dramatic and they're a little in the torment nexus o(-< but on god they will Have Fun too
#//ooc#even in the torment nexus there's spots of brightness!! I need to start playing with them too I'm not a grimdark writer I swear!!#I have ideas for softer bits and pieces. sibling stuff. cute things. I will get to it somehow hell or high water o7#T-E purrs!! they can do that!! it's part of their genetic alterations and I want to play with that too as well as the horrors!!#now don't get me wrong either The Horrors are one of my fav things to write but it's chiaroscuro y'know you need the contrast#it can't be a fight for personal autonomy all the time sometimes it needs to be T-E's huge kitty eyes or Helios being a dork#all this might be unnecessary I just get a little self conscious sometimes about how full-grit my writing can be wehh#holding my creatures in my hands. they are capable of such a beautiful joy. it's actually vital that they are#since I'm rambling anyways: huge part of what I want to do with T-E's pre campaign rp is start pulling them out of their shell#they start the planned game still stuck on their rules but it's talking to people that's gonna put them in a place where like#they know there's something else out there. they want it. they feel so much guilt for wanting it but it's the WANTING that's important!!#helios can't do that on his own because he doesn't know either. neither of them know jack about what exists beyond their narrow purview#making a HA clone to me is in part an examination of how miitary as industry will always result in steadily increasing dehumanisation#it's the commodification of a human body to ever increasing heights. soldiers to products to nothing but parts to be scrapped#military as an endless churn less for the sake of any kind of protection and more for the sake of resources. capital. money#it's part of what makes HA so fascinating to me y'know? the way it takes that concept to a far flung conclusion. how bad can it get#the other part is playing someone realising for the first time it's possible to break from what's expected of them#the wonder. the guilt. the disbelief. all of it carefully hidden. it's a huge part of what's so compelling about writing them to me#three huge cornerstones of T-E are: masking - military - the horror of having to exist in a body.#that last one is my taking the weird sensory relationship I have to Flesh/mind and doing horror with it dw too much about that njbkhjv#okay okay I think I'm done this got a little out of hand I'm just like#there's so MUCH about thirteen/T-E that makes me insane. alas I'm tired and it takes me like 4 hours to write a simple post sobs#anywaysss that's my ramble. I like them#helios too I like him. guy absolutely dead set on finding reasons to smile amidst the Horror
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that feeling when you get to the end of a season and you love it and apparently everyone else hates it ✌
#i mean#i was sobbing at the end#s4 has issues but i mean#no more than other seasons imo???#also i was instantly able to rationalise the five lila thing with#oh their each other's dolores#and that immediately made it make sense to me#i think the main issue with the season was not being 10 episodes which would have given things breathing room#but overall i really really enjoyed it?#and mainly the only thing that diminished my enjoyment was everyone around me vague-blogging#or commenting on one of my fics like 'yeah i needed this after s4' like jeez thanks?#not trying to be mean or anything in the slightest it was just like oh okay i have to deal with these vibes now#either way#i liked it#i liked the ending#it made sense to me#and i think i'm gonna stay the hell away from the main tags for a good while because i learned my lesson as a jiang cheng fan#not tagging fandom so i don't get yelled at#written in stone
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WOOZI for romantic crown
#woozi#lee jihoon#woozi gifs#svt gifs#seventeen gifs#my gif#*mine#this was a nice palate cleanser after having him emotionally and hormonally destroy me for the past week but also#he's so sweetheart cutiepie angel shaped so i'm not sure that's better???#it hurts either way i want to just. sob so violently#i want to sob and kiss his perfect face and make sure he's always happy and it's so#like. okay. no.#look at that smile. look at it. really fucking look and tell me there's anything more precious than that on this earth#you cant because there isn't because he's everything#sigh
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we're gonna put our rats up for adoption at the animal rescue. things are. bad. we can't keep their cage clean. grayson gets exhausted taking them out to play and i rarely join bc i just feel empty or disgusted or i start sobbing or wind up in pain or exhausted myself. so they don't get the amount of human interaction they deserve/need.
i feel awful about it. i feel sick. i don't know the last time i've felt like such an abject failure. not just as a person responsible for small lives but as a partner. grayson gets such joy from these boys, and they are so sweet to us too. i just. i can't even take care of myself. it isn't fair. it's not fair.
#keeping it fun and funky fresh#personal#the wild brunch#matty's mental health#i'm genuinely not okay. about any of this. about anything happening.#but the rats specifically are a real no-win scenario.#either 1) we pull the bandaid off & give them to the rescue. a clean (ish) break#we know they'll be fostered & adopted by ppl who will not just love them but will actually be able to take care of them#and they'll live out the rest of their lives with other rats who they'll get to know now while they're still middle-aged. & other people.#or 2) we keep them but continue the current plan to have them be our last batch of rats. they live in a habitat that we can't keep clean.#we're both wracked with guilt about this all the time. we keep exhausting ourselves doing what we can to keep things out of crisis mode#grayson gets to keep playing with them. i get to keep being miserable and More guilty every time i *don't* play with them#or just plain miserable every time i do#eventually they get older and their health goes downhill. one of them dies. i have a mental breakdown just like every other time#we rehome the other two. it's harder bc they're older and sicker and they miss their brother.#but they live out the (much less) rest of their lives with other rats. & other people.#in both scenarios we stop having rats. grayson is devastated either soon or later bc no more pets#while i'm wracked with guilt bc i feel very very very responsible for us not having rats anymore. and also devastated#bc i am. well. goodbyes are very bad for me.#which is why i feel responsible lmao bc last year i had like 4 straight months of ceaseless sobbing from all the back to back pet deaths#and i was like Listen. grayson. i can't do this anymore. i just can't. i can't keep having short-lived pets like this bc each death#feels like i'm being stabbed in the lungs over and over.#i guess technically option 3 is we keep having rats. we get another batch & introduce them. no rat off-ramp.#i just. keep getting stabbed in the lungs as they die. and we keep not being able to take care of them properly.#hey i didn't say it was a *good* option. but it is an option#pet death cw#idk how to tag the lungs metaphor.#injury cw#?
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Y'all ever stopped listening to your favorite bands for about 2 years for reasons you don't even know yourself. Maybe it's because you're busy. Maybe it's because you thought you've acquired new tastes. You really don't know. But then suddenly you listened to one song of theirs again and now you're sobbing over how good the songwriting was? And now that you're not a dumb High Schooler without much experience you understand the lyrics even more?
Anyways that's me with Fall Out Boy right now lmao. It's high time I listen to their new album later.
#incoherent rambles#ansy-stalks#confession: would yall kill me if my fave album of theirs is MANIA hAHAHAHHA—#LISTEN#NONE OF THE SONGS WERE A MISS— lord i remember how people criticized that album in its release and how fans are worried about the dubstep-y#vibe (me too cuz “yo idk much about music but how will andy & joe do this live im sorry im dumb 😭”)#then again none of their songs in their wholeass discography is a fricking miss anyways /absolutely biased#even their covers are fun to listen like I Wanna Be Like You??? That sht is on repeat lmao. I Wann Dance With Somebody?? good sht dawg#I think my second fave album is either Folie & Save Rock and Roll? Just cuz Folie is my vibe and SRAR were all dhxjkwjfiaokeixiw <33#Every fan loves Infinity On High for sure— Golden & ILALWTWIATTGYO (me & you) makes me sob every time#broooo the raw ass line of “I saw God crying at the reflection of my enemies and all the lovers with no time for me”#and “the best way to make it through with hearts & wrists intact is to realize two of the three ain't bad. aaaIIINT BAAAAAADDD—”#for folie a deux there's not a damm instance where I did not feel sadness over What A Catch Donnie. Dawg. The way Elton John sings his part#too bro 😭😭😭😭#AND HOLYYY SHT THE AFTER(LIFE) OF A PARTY PHCCKKK I FORGOT HOW THAT NEVER FAILS TO MAKE ME HOLD IT IN HSJDJKSOSID#i would skip that song cuz it makes me so sad sometimes 😭😭😭😭#OKAY YOU KNOW WHAT LET ME RETHINK MY ORDER OF FAVE ALBUMS HAHAHAHHAHA#“I'm a stitch away from making it AND A SCAR AWAY FROM FALLING APART. APART. BLOOD CELLS PIXELATE AND EEEYEESS DILATE- KISS AWAY THE TEARS#AND KILLS ON THE MOUTH OF AAAALLLL. MY FRIIIEEENDS—“ PHHHHCCKCKKKSIEOS 😭😭😭😭😭😭#JDJAI WAIT AND THE ENTIRETY OF SOPHOMORE SLUMP#OKAY I NEED TO STFU IN THESE TAGS HAHAHAHAHHA#okay to defend my MANIA adoration (do people still hate this album? hope not). ***Bishop's knife trick.***#“I'm sifting through the sand.Looking for pieces of broken hourglass.Trying to get it all back—put it back together—As if the time#had never passed. I know I should walk away but I just want to let you break my brain and I can't seem to get a grip. no. no matter how I#live with it. thESE ARE THE LAST—“#I'm sorry. the delivery is just too delicious.#MANIA is a fricking mixbag of weirdly mainstream inspirational songs- to suddenly; drugs- to actually being unhinged- to one of the saddest#“im tryina redeem myself” song(s) (heaven's gate- church- and bishop's)#okay i really need to shut up 😭#aight. i will stop.
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BRING THEM BACK THIS INSTANT !!!
#txt#milgram#WAS THE PREMIUM ART JUST A LIE? HUH?#DON'T LIE TO ME SHIDOU I SAW YOU TWO I CAUGHT YOU RED-HANDED /J#okay but fr nooooooooooooooooo bro What happened :sob:#from what i gathered mikoto was fronting more often because of his vc'ed quotes and the conversations he's had with#+kotoko and haruka in tls#so either that's starting to change/he's getting more stressed or the other alters have been really aggressive#maybe they perceive shidou as a threat?#it just seems kinda odd that it's so bad that even shidou is avoiding him (ough he's lonely help himmmm :sob:)#mf help your man !!! where's the smoker's group support huh !!!! where is kazui in all of this?!#OH MY GOD I JUST REALIZED EVERYONE'S LIKE AVOIDING MIKOTO NOW#first haruka (tho that god kinda reconciled in the same tl convo)#then shidou and presumably kazui as well#screams cries bring them back my favorite trio i'm sobbing#my pain is immeasurable my day ruined :pensive:
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Today marks 10 years since I first really stepped into the Eddsworld fandom and went through an event with it.
But it also happened to be first anniversary of its creator's passing. This year marks the 10th.
I figured 13 year old me wouldn't want to feel alone in that moment, so I made this to join her and go through the flow together.
Without Edd and Eddsworld, I don't think I would've had that accessible foundation, can-do mindset and enthusiastic influence, admiration and desire to animate and make stories of my own. I was a year too late when I first entered into the fandom and heard about it, but these past 10 years taught me it's never too late to make an impact and tell your tales - no matter how long they'll take.
Thank you Edd Gould. For everything.
#chris rambles#my creations#i sobbed a lot while making this and dealing with CSP crashing a few times during progress#long post#Edd Gould really did say to a friend that last set of green lines if you hit the readmore#it doesn't feel right to tag the fandom this time#EDIT: okay so i've got myself to cry a little more and put myself together#and boy howdy i understand now what it means when an emotional overload impedes your communication#(is annoyed at spelling+grammar mistakes in-comic and description but no i'm not gonna change it)#my god this fandom had both the best of times and worst of times - moreso fandom troubles than personal but still#fun fact: i got to meet a good bunch of the EWFM crew back in the day through the years and some are still good friends of mine#(this is when things were FINE and NOT WEIRD i'm talking early-mid 2010's here people)#some are moreso acquaintances and most just drifted away (that's fair!)#only one of them i know for a fact either one of us would take a bullet for the other (and if you're curious he was a lead role VA)#(won't say who for privacy but listen. A. if you're reading this: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I AM SO GLAD WE ARE FRIENDS)#yeah the friendship goes that deep and he makes me happy to say that I'm his friend#(he's also the only one of all the online friends i've mailed and penpaled to - who has sent stuff back. Nobody else but him.)#i need to chill now my goodness#there's so much ahead of me now bc of what my time in Eddsworld gave and I'm so so grateful <3
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good morning 🥺
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#sorrey ... not active ..... lots going on but also not (?)#IDK anyways i've reconnected w an old friend who's a childhood friend bcs shes the daughter of my mom's friend ^___^#she said she's gna get into the 1975 more !! but she's alrdy going to the arctic monkey's concert soon which is super cool#and i rmbr our mom asked me and lune if we knew them too <3 but we didn't know there was a legit concert SOBS#yeah miss her a lot and it's sweet how wnvr we do reconnect a bit it always so happens we're into the same thing of sorts :((#AND THEN! wow idk i've grown a lil less hesitant. somehow. idk. literally replied to the story on ig of a guy ik but haven't talked to in ag#ages* purely bcs he kept posting like woaaa based game and then ff6 best ff so i was like SO TRUE but have u played 14#and he has NOT but does want to and then wow we could have had a lil convo but i left to watch a movie sorry bro <//3#what else ... hmm ..... WELL. an old friend from all the way in 6th grade. okay so we often message each other a bit just like 'hey wna be#grpmates' or smth like that and that one time where they gave me a lil help for the chem grp work and i'm like. just comfy talking like#myself fr BUT THENNN messaged me sometime last week bcs. like smth w a grpwork and they got anxious they did smth wrong#bcs no one in the gc replied to them (sorry i didn't either SOBS) T___T ended up turning the convo to 'hey wt abt i finally try to talk w u#properly more' and HELL YEAHHH we both r the kinds that talk/type a lot but sometimes dip and disappear how lovely /gen LMAO <3#idk. uhm. with the school fair we have booths and shifts for the booths and my group is the one with uhh the 4 kids who i'm often groups#with and they're all the. yk kids. ppl who i'd get along w and i've been classmates w all of em b4 but you see they're a grp of friends now#RAGHH ONE OF THEM IK LIKES PERSONA (MULTIPLE?? IDK. they once were like yo apollo u seem like u like persona lol#IDK WHAT THAT IS SUPPOSED TO MEAN but yes i do have akechi and ren charms on my backpack for school#AND THEN ONE is into like gi pjsk a lot of rhythm games and gacha mobile but all like uhh. yeah? tot love live bandori ... still cool fr tho#she's rlly nice tbh lol ^___^ wait tbh all of them are HELP but uhm idk but it's nice when ppl r nice to me#tbf that's literally how i got my first crush BUT WE DON'T TALK ABT THAT !! yk sometimes i unconsciously wonder abt her or look for her and#then i did see her again after a few months since seeing her early in on the school year bcs shes in basketball and i hung out at the uhh#covered court w my best friend whos in another varsity bcs we stayed late at school that day to help out w fair preparations!#i refuse to like her again but i realize i like that familiarity with feelings and uhmm yeah shes cool ig i kinda wish i was less. uhm. shy#back then? you see i barely cld talk to her ... LIKE. she'd be like. heyy! and do shit sometimes and i WOULDN'T TALK or just smile and#mumble RAFGHHHFHFHDHH but she'd say hi to me and include me in things and jokes and it made me rlly /@!(@/'dmdkzn okay#AND sometimes when i do talk back I am SOOOO GODDAMN AWKWARD GOOD GODS anyways now i'm like. less awkward. or maybe i've just accepted it n#i'm cooler now B) and a lot more confident zEjfhejdjsnk. yeah. and uhmm yeah that's it#BUT YEAH nice classmate she asked me for a hug once lol and i notice she's affectionate w her friends n it reminds me of m y own bestie awhh#she sometimes talks to me which i rlly appreciate even if it prolly seems like i hate her sorry i just suck w talking
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#need to get my thoughts on the ofmd finale out bc i've been lying depressed about it in bed all day#the start of the season was fantastic#the last 2 episodes felt super rushed#i feel kind of betrayed#this isn't the rom-com where no one important dies and everything turns out okay in the end anymore#i guess i shoudn't have gotten attached to izzy at all#they really gave him all that character development and found family and#he was starting to open up to them and he protected them from bb and the crew cared about him and#i'm full on sobbing now again#all that for him to just get randomly shot and die??????#and the crew just stood there and looked at him ??? and they had a wedding right after like nothing happened??????#this was my comfort show and i guess i'm just struggling to process the loss of that#if there's a season 3 buttons better fucking resurrect him cause magic is real apparently#i can't imagine ofmd without con#he's so loved by the fandom and he loves the fandom back#but at this point i'm terrified of there even being a s3 bc i can't trust them with the lives of ed and stede anymore either#i want my silly little queer pirate show back#tldr. ep 6 is where the season ended the last 2 episodes didn't happen
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I love my friends
#i think im just going to talk in the tags for a moment. got a lot on my mind#for starters. the fnaf movie comes out soon. really looking forward to that. think its gonna be awesome and amazing and I'm super excited!!!#secondly. waiting on funds so i can buy that mask i saw the other day and some Halloween candy from Walmart#i . want to do little goodie bags for the kids in my building. but im too scared to go up to their parents and ask candy preference and#allergy concerns. so. idk. maybe I'll just save it. I think it's a cute concept but it makes me feel like my mother.#she loved to do little gift things for people. but it was always people that didn't like her. i don't want to be that way#i know my value. i know my time and energy means something. i don't want to waste it on people who don't give a shit. ya know?#not saying the kids are those kinds of people. not what i mean. but just as an overall thing. i don't like being like her.#...yeah. i dunno. you get raised by one person your whole life. you pick up some of their characteristics#i can't sob without sounding like her. safe to say i am a little emotionally constipated. so i seek other means to relieve that feeling.#like yesterday when i threw up. i played it off like that was a blunder on my body. but i know what i did.#hey. at least it's not the other method. right?. .. yeah. okay. i know. not great either#but it hurts. and I'm so fucking sick and tired of crying over her. genuinely. it's exhausting crying all the time#but that's the only way I can get those emotions out#I've tried to do the counseling thing. but other things made that impossible. then i moved.#and i tried the grief thing but instead i just got a talking buddy? he helps me get out of the house yeah.#but we dont talk about her#... i dunno. I'm just here.#guess i waited long enough. now you get a mini secret. every time i make an i love my friends post. I'm reminding myself why I'm still going#I'm usually sitting around somewhere in my apartment (desk couch bed) crying. alone. thinking about you guys.#so uh. thank you.#i love you guys so much. and i don't know where I'd be without you#probably dead.#💖#vent
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--- ooc: -gently baps u with a very flimsy newspaper- Encouraging me is baaaad!
#ooc: WHO DO I EVEN CHOOOOOSE sobs there're so many good characters in each series LIKE#ooc: okay I wanna add yuri lowell from vesperia definitely and then velvet or Eizen from berseria I'll b honest#ooc: BUT CARD CAPTORS could u imagine. my writing is rusty and doodoo rn hhhh#ooc: there's sakura of COURSE we love our protagonist sweet bean but also either toya or yukito and I'm leaning more towards adding toya#ooc: listen if i can portray an annoying older brother figure i wont hesitate...
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trying to learn Sign Language cause throat hurts too much to speak :(
#yeah the last 3 days my throat was hurting and i was doing VCs anyway cause i miss my friends too much . sobs#either way this is something I've been wanting to learn .#i mean i can talk but i should take care more of myself instead of neglecting my body signals that says clearly Im Not Okay . LMAOAOAOOA#I'm too used to ignore them at the point to self neglect .#i yap too much in tags huh .#text
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20 angsty romance prompts part 2
(feel free to use <33 tag me when yall writeeee)
crying in your lover's arms
^ face buried in their chest, while their heart breaks at your every sob :(
"i wish i loved you less." but it is spat at the other person angrily, immediately being regretted after the words leave their mouth.
watching them cry and not knowing what to do (ouch-)
"why do you love me when you know i can't- shouldn't love you back?"
"you messed me up, you fcked me over and what- how dare i? how dare fckn you!"
"i am sorry. i am so so.. so.. sorry. please.. let me go."
"don't you dare do this to me- No! No, no, no, no- nono, hey, please!!"
"... why can't.. anybody see--that... I'm tired?... " (if written write, this wud traumatize me)
"I'm done waiting for you, [name]."
them literally on their knees, "please, please--just please trust me! Why is it so hard for you to believe me once?"
^ "how many times do i have to get hurt by trusting you!!?"
"i am not sorry that i don't love you. I'm sorry that you don't love yourself."
"i loved you, believe me. i did. then you turned into someone else, someone... scary."
"WHY DO YOU HAVE TO KEEP HURTING ME? why--why am i the one.. always losing everything..?"
"listen to me-" "No, no!" "my dear, i swear, that isn't what i meant." "oh yeah? i don't think so. you were pretty loud and clear back there."
"so.. you're just going to.. give up on me." "that is NOT what i meant-" "you're not willing to fight for me either. i think it's pretty clear, [name]."
hands trembling while holding their pale, bloodied face, "k-keep your eyes open, for fucks sake! PLEASE-please please, talk to me."
"promise me you'll be okay, and that you'll keep living. moving on, even without me." "only if you do the same." (this happened irl yall)
"you saved me then killed me all over again."
#angsty romance prompts#writer prompts#otp prompts#dialogue prompts#romance writing#imagine your otp#urfriendlywriter#writeblr#writing prompts#writing inspiration#romance prompts writing#angst starter#angst prompts#angsty prompts#angsty romance#how to write angst#angst#light angst#sad prompts#love prompts#prompts#prompt list#dialogue prompt#writing prompt#fic prompt#imagine your ocs#imagine your characters#imagine your ship#fake scenarios#writing process
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in every lifetime
summary: you lost logan in this universe. logan lost you in his. what happens when you both see each other again, but realize that you're both from different worlds? pairing: logan howlett x fem!reader warnings: post deadpool & wolverine ("worst" logan!variant), angst (mentions of death, loss from both reader and logan), no use of y/n. word count: 2.1k a/n: this is my first logan fic, so if anything is ooc, i'm sorry in advanced! just like everyone else, i've been obsessed with hugh jackman / logan after watching deadpool & wolverine (if it isn't obvious lol)... i had the song 'unchained melody' in mind when writing this story because whenever i hear it, i think of logan for some reason lol (tried to embed it but it didn't work, but i'd highly recommend listening to the song while reading this!) anyway, hope you enjoy! next part.
“I’ll be back.”
“But what if–”
“I always come back, bub.” Logan’s looking down at you, hand cupping your cheek. In moments like this, you can see the age in his features. The crows feet at the corners of his eyes. The gray in his hair and beard.
“Logan…” Tears sting your eyes. You know he has to leave, has to go help Charles, but there’s a feeling deep in your gut that knows that if he goes, he isn't coming back.
“Wait for me, then.” He says, dipping down to gently peck your lips. “Okay? Wait for me.”
“Logan,” you repeat. “What do I do if I– if I lose you?”
There’s a feeling in the pit of Logan’s stomach, a sense of dread and fear that he’s only ever felt when you were concerned. This feels a lot like a goodbye… That maybe if he does go, he won’t come back. And the thought alone scares him. He never used to have to think about the possibility of dying, his regenerative powers always healing him in record time, but he knows that he doesn’t heal as quickly as before. He feels more pain now than he ever had. And he knows he’s sick, knows that the adamantium that once gave him strength is now slowly making him weaker.
But now, the thought of dying… It fucking scared him. It scared him to think that he’d leave you here, all alone, grieving him. He had never thought he’d be deserving of someone like you, to be loved and taken care of so gently, so sweetly, so patiently. Even with all of the baggage he carried, you never pushed. He knew, right off the bat, that you deserved someone so much better than him, but you stayed.
Through it all, you stayed.
And Logan would forever be grateful. After everything he’s been through, the things he’s seen, the things he had to do, the people he’s lost, you gave him a life that was finally worth living.
“Then, you move on, darlin’.” Logan finally answers.
“And if I can’t?”
“You’ll have to.”
“I don’t… I don’t want you to go, but I know that you have to. Charles needs you and–”
“I love you with every fiber of my being, baby,” Logan interjects. “And I will love you in every lifetime.”
And that was almost a year ago. The moment he stopped calling, you knew that was it. That he either got into some real trouble or… Or that he was no longer here. It wasn’t until a young girl named Laura showed up on your doorstep, holding his dog tags that your assumptions were correct.
You had fallen to your knees, a sob escaping your lips, as you felt your world come crashing down. Logan’s death had left a gaping hole in your heart, in your life, and everywhere you looked and everywhere you went, all you could see was him.
You learned from Laura that during his last moments, he had told her to come and find you, that you would take care of her and give her a good life. Whenever you were around her, you tried to be strong, tried to put on a brave front, but behind closed doors, you were a complete mess. There were days where you didn’t want to get out of bed, didn’t want to eat; you just wanted the pain to stop. Every night, whenever you closed your eyes, you forced yourself to sleep because that was the only place where you could be with him.
In your dreams, he was alive.
In your dreams, he had made it back home.
In your dreams, he was here with you, helping raise Laura.
And every time you woke up, you were welcomed with the sudden reality that he wasn’t alive. He wasn’t coming back home. He wasn’t ever going to be here with you to help raise Laura.
Logan was dead and now, you had to try and learn how to move on.
For yourself.
For Laura.
For Logan.
—
He didn’t know what he was doing here, why he agreed to stay with Wade because it was driving him crazy. This wasn’t even his timeline; he wasn’t even meant to be here. Despite saving Wade’s timeline, Logan still found it hard to fit in. He tried to keep Wade and every single one of his friends at an arm's distance because he knows what happens to people he cares about.
But the more time he spent around them, the more he felt at ease. Logan would be lying if he said he was waiting for the other shoe to drop, but when Laura mentioned your name at one of Wade’s family dinners, his heart skipped a beat. When he realized he would be able to stay in this timeline, you were all he could think about.
Logan wondered if you existed in this world and what he would do if you did. So, when Laura casually said your name, his head turned around so quickly that he felt dizzy. There were so many things he regretted in his own timeline, but you were his biggest regret.
Just like he failed the other X-men, Logan had failed you too. You had been there with the other X-men, trying to warn them of a planned attack and ended up getting caught in the crossfire. You had called out for him, just like Scott, like Charles, like Storm.
He managed to get to you before you had taken your last breath, holding you in his arms. Logan begged and begged for you to fight, that he’d do things right from now on as long as you just held on, but you were losing so much blood and Logan couldn’t stop it.
Even then, when you had every right to be angry with him, you gazed up at him with an understanding look on your face. You had always been so patient and kind, so sweet and considerate. You had made him so happy and it scared him, which ultimately ended in pushing you away because he didn’t think he was deserving of it. Of you.
“I love you, Logan,” you had said, wincing at the pain.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m–” Logan felt a sob catch in his throat, tears stinging his eyes as he looked down at you. “Please, baby, please please please, don’t–”
“I–” you coughed, eyes fluttering as you felt the pain overcome your entire body. “I will love you in every lifetime, Logan.” And then, you took your last breath, eyes falling shut and body falling limp in his arms.
Since then, Logan drank himself day after day, from dawn to dusk. The alcohol never truly helped, his regenerative powers sobering him so fast, but with every swig of liquor, it burned. And he spent years bringing pain unto others, including himself.
That was, until he met Wade who had given him a chance, a reason to fight for something… To not turn his back on someone who relied on him. A chance for redemption, to finally make things right.
“So, will you meet her?” Laura asks, holding Dogpool in her arms as she gazes up at Logan. “She– She used to be with this universe’s Logan and…”
“No chance, kid.” Logan interrupts, shaking his head. “I’m not him.”
“Did you have someone like her in yours?” she asks. “She’s always put me first, always made sure I was taken care of even when she didn’t have to, when she was grieving. And I think–” Laura sighs. “I think if she knows that some version of you is alive, it would make her real happy.”
“I’m not him,” Logan growls, feeling his irritation spike. “‘Sides, she’s better off without me.” He stands from the table and walks out into Wade’s balcony to get some fresh air, shutting the door behind him as he leans against the railing.
“But she’s coming tonight,” Laura finally says, long after Logan’s walked away.
Throughout the rest of the dinner, Logan remains outside. He can hear the muffled laughter coming from inside and it only angered him because it was just another confirmation that he didn’t belong here. He’s already on his fourth bottle of beer when he hears a familiar voice, smells a recognizable scent. He turns slightly and catches you stepping into Wade’s apartment, an arm slinging over Laura’s shoulders so casually, so maternally.
He feels his heart rate pick up. Your smile still lights up a room and he can’t help but his lips turning upwards at the sight. With his enhanced hearing, Logan can hear your voice and he shuts his eyes for a moment, tuning all of his attention on you until you’re the only one he hears.
Then, he hears your laugh and he lets out a sigh. He never thought he’d be able to hear that again, but his eyes shoot open when he hears you say his name. There’s a shocked tone in your voice, laced with sadness and hope. It all but crushes him because he knows that you’re probably expecting someone else, expecting this world’s Logan and he doesn’t want to disappoint you. Not again. He doesn’t think he’d be able to handle it if he were to hurt you again.
But when he looks at you, his breath catches in his throat when your eyes meet his. Logan notices the surprise look on your face, but before he could try and escape, you’re already walking towards him. When you open the door and step out with him, your scent fills his senses and it makes him dizzy, like he can’t fully concentrate.
“You…” he hears you say, voice unsteady. “You’re not… I’m–” you sigh and shake your head.
“I know who you are,” Logan finally says, his own voice shaky.
Your hands reach out for him, but stopping halfway when you realize this isn’t your Logan. This is not the same man who died all those years ago. This is some version of him – much younger, less wrinkles and gray hairs in his hair and beard, but he still has that same look on his face. The scowl.
“From Laura?” you ask hesitantly.
“From my universe,” Logan answers.
“There– There’s a version of me in your universe?”
“There was.”
“And what happened to me?”
Logan’s jaw tightens. “The same thing that happened to your Logan in this universe.”
“Oh.” Your face drops, eyes softening. “I’m sorry,” you whisper.
Logan wants to run far from here, far from you because he feels himself yearning for more. He almost forgot how it felt like to be near you, to be inches away that he can just reach out and pull you into his arms. Your eyes captivate him, the kindness it expresses makes him feel like he matters. You had always made him feel that way that even through all of his anger, through all of the walls he put up, you showed him that he was deserving of something good. Even if he didn’t believe it himself.
And you… You were the best thing to ever happen to him.
“Don’t know why you’re apologizin’,” Logan mutters.
There’s an uncomfortable silence that engulfs the both of you. He can see the tears threatening to spill over, can see the way your lower lip is beginning to tremble and he has this sudden urge to console you, to wipe away the tears that have now fallen down your cheeks.
“I’m sorry,” you repeat, bringing your hands up to wipe away the tears that seem to be trickling down your face nonstop. “I just– Losing my Logan just crushed me and I don’t think I’ve ever recovered.”
My Logan.
Logan can practically feel his heart beating in his chest. This isn’t a conversation that he thought he would be having and certainly not with someone he loved and died because of him.
“That’s okay,” Logan responds quietly, his tone softening. “I don’t think it’s easy to recover from losing someone you love.”
“Did you– Did you love me in your universe?”
Logan nods slowly, tightening his jaw as he gazes down at you. “With every fiber of my being.”
Your eyes widen and stare up at him. This might be a different Logan, but hearing those words again just brings you back to the moment you last saw your Logan before he left to go take care of Charles.
“Did you love me in yours?” Logan asks hesitantly.
You nod instantly, tears trickling down your cheek as you stare up at him. “I’d love you in every lifetime.”
Logan feels his own set of tears pool at the corners of his eyes and he moves a hand to rest on the railing, fingers lightly brushing against yours as he stares into your eyes.
“I’m not him,” he whispers.
“I know,” you say quietly. “And I’m not her.”
#hugh jackman wolverine#hugh jackman character#logan howlett#wolverine#worst wolverine#deadpool & wolverine#logan howlett fanfic#logan howlett fanfiction#wolverine fanfic#wolverine fanfiction#worst wolverine fanfic#worst wolverine fanfiction#logan howlett x reader#logan howlett x fem!reader#post deadpool & wolverine#worst logan!variant#hugh jackman#logan howlett x f!reader
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My favorite thing about Simon Riley (at least how he is in my head ya know) is that he's either on top of it like he knows you better than anyone else-
It was just a regular Friday night, you had been out with some friends and probably drank a bit too much for anyone's comfort, so with a sigh of defeat you called your boyfriend (who you had pinkie promised you wouldn't need to call, because you are a mature, well adjusted, adult) It was late but not very so the phone only rang once before he picked up.
"Good evenin princess."
"Si?" your voice was a bit rasped and the lingering sob in the back of your throat didn't help your case, a cryer is what your friends called your more drunken state, "I...Lil too much."
A pause and you hear the jingle of his keys, "Ten minutes. Stay on the phone with me, yeah?"
"Mkay, is' cold outside."
"Why are you outside, baby?"
"Ji-Jill got an uber- said-said I couldn't come. an-and the bar sai-said I can't go back inside...they were so mean."
"Fuckin Jillian-" You hear him mutter and then his voice goes back to its regular level, "Baby I want you to go back to the bar and tell them that I'm gonna be there to pick you up in a minute, is's snowin out here."
A short pause, "And I know the guy at the door scares you but I need you to be my strong girl and go back inside, yeah?"
Or its just, he's oblivious until the very end-
You were currently running a hundred-and-two fever, your muscles ached and everything in you screamed at you to sit down and take a nap. However, your boyfriend just got back from deployment and you were determined to make sure everything was perfect for him. And, thus far, it was- you put on some makeup to make yourself look alive and you just resigned to not speaking a lot, or eating. He didn't seem to notice, about forty hours back into being home and everything was perfect! Aside from the lingering feeling you may just drop dead at any moment.
So at that moment, you sat on the sofa with him, his arm wrapped around your shoulders, your hot skin covered by your hoodie and the hood of it pulled over to hide your face as you had aptly nuzzled into his side. You felt like death.
Yet in Simon's mind he thought you were just being a blushing school girl, excited about his return and a bit flustered by it. Until he dipped his head down to press a kiss against your forehead.
"The fuck?" He muttered as he moved his hand to your forehead and tugged down the hood to look at you, "Why're so hot?"
You gulp down and shrug your shoulders, "Jus little sick. 'M okay."
"Girly- your skin is burnin up." "Okay?" "How...have you bee' sick this 'tire time?"
"Really feel fine-"
"Lair."
A pause and you look down, "Only little bit."
(annnyway thats it <333 comments and all that jazz make my day)
#simon ghost riley#simon riley fanfic#simon riley x you#simon ghost riley x reader#ghost x you#simon riley x reader#cod x you#simon riley imagine#simon ghost x reader#cod fluff#ghost mw2#ghost band#ghost headcanons#ghost x reader#x fem!reader#x female reader#x female y/n#coco's chaos <3
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