#my god this fandom had both the best of times and worst of times - moreso fandom troubles than personal but still

[enigma-absolute]

Today marks 10 years since I first really stepped into the Eddsworld fandom and went through an event with it.

But it also happened to be first anniversary of its creator's passing. This year marks the 10th.

I figured 13 year old me wouldn't want to feel alone in that moment, so I made this to join her and go through the flow together.

Without Edd and Eddsworld, I don't think I would've had that accessible foundation, can-do mindset and enthusiastic influence, admiration and desire to animate and make stories of my own. I was a year too late when I first entered into the fandom and heard about it, but these past 10 years taught me it's never too late to make an impact and tell your tales - no matter how long they'll take.

Thank you Edd Gould. For everything.

[satsuha]

1, 7, and 12 for the choose violence ask game 🔥

thanks for the ask anon! probably the worst (best) ones to throw at me

warning this is incredibly long like "i was writing this on discord while i was bored at work and i hit the character limit twice" long

1. the character everyone gets wrong

it's temenos. good lord is it temenos. there isn't even a need for me to point fingers because i think literally 90% of portrayals that i see of him seem to miss the point entirely, if i see anyone call him a little shit or a weird freak or anything of that sort i'm going to lose it for the 458475th time.

my main issue with temenos portrayals and frankly the majority of his screentime even in-game is that the game constantly puts him in situations where he's with people he either does not like or is not close to… yes we do see his relationship with c/rick grow over time but i don't think it changes the fact that we see them meet for the first time and temenos is clearly acting in a… specific way. i shouldn't even have to say why the way he acts towards the sanctum knights isn't a full view of his character or personality but yeah! he hates them! i don't have an issue with temenos being this kind of character, but it's a problem when portrayals of his interactions with other characters (mostly the other travelers) are based off solely this view of temenos' personality. the most teasing he ever does in banters is to partitio and agnea, and most of the time he either takes it back or follows it up with a kind word right afterwards? his banter with castti and every time he brings up roi reveals that he cared for his family a lot, but we are barely shown how he shows that love. this is somewhat an issue i have with temenos' story as a whole but i see SO many people take his snarky, teasing mannerisms to be his entire personality and the only way he shows how he cares for someone which is just simply not true when you look at the way he consoles and cares for the other travelers through his banters 😭

and frankly… while it is true that temenos being an unorthodox cleric is part of his character, i think it's only highlighted so much because of how goody-two-shoes c/rick is in regards to religion and his duty. yes they're both at different sides of the spectrum, but in practically any scene c/rick isn't in where temenos' clericness is involved, he's… pretty normal?? he does his job perfectly fine he's just not as obsessed as c/rick is that's IT. i'm SO sick of seeing people talking like temenos doesn't do his job or believe in the gods at all like that was not the point of his story… yes memes are supposed to be silly but when there's an abundance of jokes painting temenos in this light it's like wow you are all missing the point of his character

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because of how the fandom acts about them?

this one also shouldn't be a surprise, it's c/rick. i liked him well enough when i was playing the game but i never could shake the feeling that people were going to be really distraught at his death… like really, my first thought was "how is the fandom going to take this" rather than my own reaction when i saw the scene for the first time 🧍 the reality was so much worse than i'd expected, i um honestly can't believe how caught up people were over it to the point of putting down or even dropping the game or saying that the game is worse off for it? y'know i can agree that having a character defined by their death can be annoying when that wasn't all there was to their character but he is NOT one of those cases… i had alarms ringing in my head with every chapter he reappeared in because he was sharing so much screentime with temenos (a literal protagonist) that it just felt… wrong to me? that's moreso because i'm familiar with octopath's story and character structure but i really wasn't surprised he didn't stick around until the end of temenos' story for whatever reason it turned out to be.

my feelings regarding him tie into everything i talked about in the answer above because the way temenos treats him is basically responsible for 99% of temenos mischaracterizations even when it doesn't involve c/rick, and that added in with the fact that i cannot stand the ship makes for a general bad taste left in my mouth whenever i think about him. i think his role in the story was fine but i'm not a fan of how much emphasis the game places on temenos' relationship with him when we literally see their ENTIRE relationship on screen and it spanned… maybe 3 interspersed days?

i just simply cannot believe the fact that temenos cares more about c/rick than the father who raised him and the brother who made him the person he is LMAO…. i get that the game is banking on the audience's affection for c/rick in temenos' chapter 4 which is fine in isolation but it makes for a very awkward flashback imo when their friendship was so brief 😭 and there are others he cares about way more who were also indirectly killed by kaldena's plans…

anyway despite all this of course the fandom loves him and thinks temenos is depressed forever because of his death and shippers will break canon in half just to make sure their relationship lasts longer than a week so yeah is it any surprise i'm bitter about it. it's one of those "leaves no space for other ships" ships and i've seen multiple people say they only ship tem/hik because c/rick is dead? pisses me off to no end

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

i'm just going to link my ritsu post here and hope that i don't end up writing as much as i did for the other 2 questions…

while i can understand that ritsu's character isn't everyone's cup of tea, i think he's a fascinating foil to hikari and honestly represents just as much of what ku's current state is in a nutshell as mugen does. my localization post already goes through most of the changes and frankly the flattening of his character into simply a jealous rival that hikari has to kill, but there's really so much more to him than anger and jealousy… in the chapter 3 flashback we can already see how ritsu's view on life (and in particular, his own life) has been shaped entirely by how ku treats the powerless, even at such a young age. while hikari only ever saw fighting as a means to an end, for ritsu, fighting was the only thing he could do to maintain his life in ku. i think an important part of ritsu's perspective is how he wished to assimilate into the system instead of revolutionize it like hikari wanted, which was also something that was practically removed from the localization.

i can kinda start to see why ritsu decided to turn on hikari during the 3-year gap in chapter 1 because even though hikari was doing his best to help castle town thrive, he obviously wasn't able to eradicate poverty or anything like that... ritsu isn't as noble as to want prosperity for everyone in ku so it's clear to see why he wouldn't have wanted to follow hikari during the time of peace. he's always talked about rising up and becoming successful, and in ku the only way to do that is through strength and military power. and from what we see in chapter 5, he did succeed in giving mikka a better life in a shockingly short period of time so like... idk the worst thing you can fault him for is being close-minded but when people around you are dropping dead constantly it's not a surprise he says lines like "the only things that matter is what you can hold in your two hands".

honestly i think comparing hikari, ritsu/rai mei and kazan is incredibly interesting because they're all products of ku's terrible environment but they all reacted to it in very different ways... i'm grouping ritsu and rai mei together because they were on the side of "since i can't change the system, i'll assimilate into it" while hikari and kazan are more extreme in their methods but in different directions... i'm not going to say that hikari had an easy life but when you compare it to how ritsu and kazan grew up... it's honestly not hard to see why they couldn't imagine themselves following hikari's vision.

well i lied that was just as long as the other two... i have um a lot of thoughts if anyone read all this then ⭐ <- a gold star for you!

[dokoni-mo]

Mortal Shenanigans || Khonshu x GN! Reader

summary: you have a night out.

SFW // fluff

word count: 5008

warnings: fluff, cursing, mentions of canon-typical violence, post-canon, mentions of marc, steven and jake (they do not make an appearance), khonshu struggles with human emotion sometimes and gets frustrated a bit easily but we love him for it, established relationship, khonshu also has a really big ego but thats just common knowledge, non-violent usage of knives

disclaimer: i do not have DID myself, so if i wrote anything incorrectly as it pertains to the mentions of marc, steven and jake I apologize, i just tried to stay as close to canon as possible

a/n: wow its been FOREVER since ive written for a different fandom,,, look look ik what yall are thinking: really? the bird man?? well YES the bird man if i can simp for the worst evil dilf in the galaxy i can simp for the bird man too (he's also my comfort character and ive been struggling with some anxiety/more insomnia recently so ffkadfjkdlf i just need this one okay??),, anyways taglist open!! enjoy!!

~~~

Every time you looked at Khonshu, you could only wonder one thing. Why didn't he give himself any hair?

You had been with the god for years now. Long before either Marc, Steven, or Jake was his avatar. You knew him. You knew that he was full of pride. The god took great pride in the "vengeance" he sought on those who have done wrong. He took pride in his Moon Knight; even if he had to jump through some hoops to get one. Khonshu almost never admitted he was wrong. And even more rarely, he would apologize for being wrong. You had to give him the silent treatment for days for him to do that.

Which is why his lack of hair puzzled you greatly.

Although he wasn't very forward about it, you knew Khonshu also took great pride in his appearance. Hell, it ate him up for weeks when Ammit had said that time had not been kind to him. He had tailored his physical form to perfectly fit the description of God of the Moon. He liked to be handsome, in his own weird, oddly specific way. You loved him for it, along with a great deal of many other reasons, but why. Why didn't he include hair?

All the other Gods you had met had hair. Ammit did. Taweret did. So why not him? If he did it right, it might suit him. Something long, with lots of braids and charms. But also kept tidy, to suit how particular he was about things.

You knew he could do it. Have hair, that is. With one wave of a linen-wrapped hand, he could have all the hair in the world if he wanted to. It would look nice. So why not?

These questions were asked over and over inside of your mind that night. It was Sunday, which meant Khonshu relieved Jake of any moon-knighting so that he could spend time with you. While the god was passionate about protecting the travelers of the night, and carrying out his own form of justice, he was moreso passionate about you. He missed you deeply during the leading days to Sunday. He knew of your longing for him as well. So, he took Sundays very seriously.

You were lain on the couch of your flat, your legs resting in the lap of the hawk-headed deity. Khonshu's staff was leaned against the wall next to him, one hand on the side of your thigh whilst the other idly drew patterns into your shin. His skull was pointed at your television, which was displaying some over-the-top reality series you had found on Netflix not long ago. Khonshu grumbled over and over again how such "trash entertainment" was beneath both you and him, but you saw how interested he was in it. You knew it was just more than curiosity when he asked if a new episode had dropped. How he seemed disappointed when you scrolled past it when looking for better things.

Typical Khonshu.

But because his attention was somewhere else, the deity didn't notice how you had been staring at him for the past twenty minutes. You had been taking in every single one of his features, trying your best to picture in your minds eye just what kind of hairstyle would suit him. Even after days of scrolling on Pinterest, you had failed time and time again to find the perfect look for him. It was up to you now to create it. Yet still, you wondered...

"Khon?" you squeaked out, having to clear your throat after not talking for so long.

Not looking away from the TV screen, your bird-headed lover answered you, "Yes, my moonstone?"

"Why don't you have any hair?"

Your question certainly got the god's attention now. Out of all the things he had expected you to say, you could tell that certainly wasn't one of them. It surprised the bird-man enough to rip his gaze away from the TV, and make him stop rubbing those small, loving circles into your leg as he looked down at your inquisitive face.

"Hair?" he asked.

"Yeah, hair." you responded, "All the other gods seemed to have it. Why don't you? And those little string things back there don't count."

It took him a second to answer you, thinking of what to say, "I... have never seen a purpose to have it, I suppose."

You laughed, "You don't need a reason to have hair. You can have it just to look nice."

"Look nice?"

"Yeah, like how some people use it to express themselves. Remember the other day? When we saw that person with the yellow mohawk? That was them expressing themselves."

"Are you suggesting I get a yellow mohawk?"

You laughed again, "No, no! I'm just saying it might look good on you."

The god thought to himself for a moment again, letting out a hmm as you saw the gears beginning to turn inside of his skull.

"I don't think I agree with you, little one." He said.

"Whaaaat?" you groaned, sitting yourself up to get a better look at your lover next to you, your legs still in his lap, "Why not?"

Khonshu leaned the end his beak down to tap against your cheek at your protests, his own way of kissing you to wash away your exasperation, "I am the God of the Night Sky, my little mortal. I have put great effort in to how I look now. Hair would not suit me in the slightest, nor would serve any purpose. Your suggestion is adorable, however, my star."

You half-smiled and rolled your eyes at his comments, not in the mood to give up so quickly.

"Okay but have you even tried having hair before?" you asked, "You can't say it won't suit you until you've tried it."

"I don't need to try it. I just know it wouldn't."

"Well can I see? To make sure? Just like, just something you think would look good."

"It doesn't work like that, little one."

Feeling defeated, you let out a groan as you leaned back against the chair, lying down again as you stretched your hands out behind you. Reaching down to your face, Khonshu used his thin, linen-wrapped fingers to brush the hair away from your eyes, trailing them down to cup your face; his palm taking up nearly the entire expanse of the side of your head. Feeling his comforting touch, you leaned your cheek against it as you looked into the sockets of his skull.

"Your suggestions are always welcome with me, my sweet, but this is one that I cannot accept. I do hope you understand." The deity said to you, rubbing his long thumb lovingly against your smaller cheek.

"I just don't understand why you won't even try." you said, "It sounds like you're just being stubborn again, bird-brain."

"I am not stubborn. I just know what is best."

This warranted another laugh out of you, along with a swift kiss pressed against the hawk-headed god's palm. This was definitely typical Khonshu. You half-expected your schemed conversation to go in such a way, so you found it hard to be angry at the god's lack of adventure. He was never really one to try new things much anyway. Not unless he was given a push. You knew this. After years of being by Khonshu's side, you knew everything about how he operated. Which is why you felt comfortable shifting your scheme from plan A to plan B.

Pressing one more kiss into your lover's palm, you sat up and pivoted on your butt so that your legs were out of the hawk-headed god's lap. Your feet now firmly on the floor, you paused the show on the TV as you pushed yourself up from off of the couch. You could feel Khonshu's gaze on you as you bustled your way over to the doorway of your flat. Taking it off of the hooks, you shrugged on the old coat that Marc had left behind from his last visit onto your shoulders. Bending down, you begun to slip into your shoes as the god on the couch decided to chime in.

"What are you doing, little one?" He asked you, skull tilted slightly to the side.

"Going out." you said, a small smirk on your features.

"Out?" he interrogated, "For what purpose?"

After slipping on both shoes, you stood up straight again as you grabbed your keys off of the hook.

"Well," you said, "I'm not giving up on my suggestion yet. And if you're not willing to show me some hair up on that thick skull of yours, then i'm going out to get the next best thing."

Khonshu was standing now, his staff placed firmly in his hand as he looked to you.

"(Y/N), this is absurd."

You giggled, "No Khon, what's absurd is that I'm about to make myself a traveler of the night, and you're not gonna be there to protect me."

~~~

In order to avoid weird stares from the other people that walked the streets of London, Khonshu and you had agreed long ago to not hold hands in public. No one out there other than you could see him, but they could see you clear as day. It would draw a lot of unnecessary attention to you if you were constantly seen holding hands with nothing. So, for subtlety, and to allow at least some PDA between the two of you, you and Khonshu agreed to hold pinkies instead. Something subtle, but still loving and intimate all the same. It was one of the few things you didn't have to pester the deity so much about until he finally agreed. Silly old bird.

The streets of London at night were almost -- if not just as -- lively as they were in the daytime. In the light of the full moon above, along with accompanying streetlights, you saw how all the people around you seemed to be enjoying themselves as you walked along the sidewalk, pinky held firmly in Khonshu's. There were many younger people out that hour of the night, walking along and laughing with one another like they were the only people in the world. When a group would pass by you, you would see how they payed no mind the tall bird god next to you, phasing through him like it was nothing. Granted, you were the only one that could see him, but it was still amusing nonetheless. Sometimes, the person would turn around briefly to see where the sudden change of temperature in the air came from. Them being unable to see Khonshu, they would just stare by your side with a furrowed brow, making you giggle softly to yourself every time it happened.

Usually, Khonshu would chuckle along with you. However, that evening, he didn't do so. Not even once. Staff held firmly in the hand that wasn't busy with yours, he stared straight ahead without a word as he trudged alongside you. He was grumpy about your little plan. He was throwing another one of his tantrums. You would never call it a tantrum to his face, though. You weren't that mean.

At least he wasn't teleporting around this time, and still wanted to hold your pinky. A change from the other tantrums he threw.

When the fifth drunk person of the night phased through him, he had let out a grumble of disapproval. You saw how he gripped onto his long, tall staff even firmer, and shot a warm smile up at the deity.

"Don't be so grumpy." you said to him, not bothering to keep your voice low so you don't get stares (since most people seemed to be minding their own business, at least for now), "A night out is a nice change of pace anyway. As much as I love and appreciate you setting aside a day for us, you can't keep me cooped up in my flat forever, Khon. We should get out and do more. And that doesn't include riding around with Jake."

The tall bird next to you let out another disapproving rumble, "I prefer to spend Sundays inside with you, (Y/N). I know you are aware of this."

"I am aware of that. But come on, it'll be fun! Just give it a shot. One night out isn't gonna kill you."

"We seem to have differing tastes in fun, little bug."

"Ohhh, I don't think so. Remember all that time we spent together? In Cairo? Before you found Marc in the desert?" you asked teasingly, bumping up against his arm to emphasize your point.

Khonshu let out another hum at this as he recalled all of those old, fond memories, though more pleased-sounding than the last as he leaned down to press the tip of his beak against the side of your cheek, "How could I ever forget?"

You giggled, "Exactly. And that was pretty fun, huh? So trust me when I say this will be fun too."

The god next to you looked down at you without a word. You could practically feel the gears turning in his skull, trying over and over again to come up with some sort of snobbish remark to emphasize his distaste for your little scheme. Try as he might, however, Khonshu could come up with nothing. For months now, you and him had spend Sundays indoors. As much as he did love just having you near him, holding you on the couch as some dumb form of entertainment played out before him, he did have to admit. He was getting a little bored with it. He could tell that you were bored of it too. Even if you had never complained about it before, he could see it in those eyes of yours. It made him feel a little bad. And a walk under his moon did always liven his spirits. He loved seeing the moonlight on your skin, anyhow.

So perhaps you were right about this. Even though going to such lengths to see him with hair was still absurd to him (although he realized that this was probably just some sort of excuse for you to get him and yourself out of the flat), Khonshu found himself not being able to hate the idea of a night out with you. His sweet little mortal. His one true love.

Returning his gaze to the road ahead of the pair of you, Khonshu straightened his posture as he held your pinky tighter, angling his beak to point more upright and poised.

"Very well. But only for tonight, little one." he said.

You let out a laugh as you returned your gaze to the sidewalk, "Fair enough."

Typical Khonshu.

~~~

The shop you had stopped at was one of the ones you used to frequent in your youth. It was a typical children's store; full of games, toys, and sweets to make any child drag their guardian by the wrist in through the doors, whining and begging all the while. It was a quaint little thing, even just from the view from the windows outside. Perfect for any child.

Which is why Khonshu was terribly confused when you had dragged him all the way there. He wasn't a child. He was a god. Had you forgotten?

Because the deity was too big to fit inside without being prone to accidentally knocking something over (but mostly because he claimed he didn't want to deal with such "foolishness"), he resided himself to staying outside. He watched you through the windows of the store, holding on to his staff firmly with hunched, irritated shoulders. You were sure taking your sweet time in there. He knew that you knew exactly what you were doing; making the god of the night sky wait out in the cold, damp streets of London as you perused through the aisles of the small store.

"Just wait out here," you had said to him, "I'll be back in a second."

That was twenty minutes ago now. Khonshu liked to consider himself a patient god. Unlike some of his brothers and sisters, as well as other members of the ennead, he had much more to give when it came to mortal behavior. It was a trait acquired over time, through countless years of worship and praise directed towards him and his moon and stars, as well as all the knights he had taken as his own. Hell, he figured that his patience had to have grown ten-fold over the years, since he had put up with that worm Steven Grant so long without killing him. And when it came to you, he had even more of a fuse to give.

However, Khonshu had never been one to simply sit around in the face of such shenanigans. This whole idea was ludicrous to him. He didn't even want hair.

The god grumbled to himself as the travelers of the night passed by him, laughing and shooting-the-shit amongst themselves without a care in the world.

You were lucky he loved you. Otherwise you would've been put on the short-list to feel his wrath.

After twenty-five minutes had passed, Khonshu had begun to consider going inside the store to fetch you. He knew you hated to be rushed, but right then, he probably hated waiting even more. A reprimand from you would be bliss compared to agonizingly waiting for your return. Khonshu was seriously considering it, weighing his options on an imaginary scale.

As if it was on cue, you had finally exited the shop. The god first noticed the comically large amount of bags that you had hugged close to your chest, held snug inside of the confine your arms. You had situated them all in such a way that they were nestled more-or-less in the crooks of your elbows, so that your hands were free. In your left hand, however, you held a sheer, small white paper bag. The bag was full of what appeared to be some sort of small pastry, and you used your right had to break off pieces of it to fit into your mouth. With a small smile on your face as you chewed, you crossed the street over to the disgruntled bird-man, noticing how his linen-wrapped shoulders were hunched as you found your place in front of him.

"What on earth took you so long, little bug?" The bird-man questioned, softly gesturing to your person with his staff, "And what are all those?"

You breathed out a giggle in response, finishing the bite you had took before you spoke.

"I saw a few cute things that I wanted." You said.

"A few?" Khonshu questioned.

"Yeah a few, things there are cheap! I know the owner so I get a good discount. Don't worry, I got your present too, Khon."

You reached in the small white bag and broke off another piece of the pastry, tilting its opening up at the god of the moon.

"Croissant?" you asked.

Even though Khonshu didn't have eyes, you could tell in his unamused silence that he had looked to you, then the pastry, then back to you again.

"No, thank you." he said.

Letting out another amused giggle, you briefly stood on your tip-toes and pressed a soft kiss to the tip of the god's beak, seeing how he relaxed just a tad at your display of affection.

"Come on, let's find a place for you to open your gift." you said to him, hugging the bags closer to your chest as you took another bite of your snack. Resuming your trudge down the sidewalk, Khonshu lingered behind for a brief moment, staring at the back of your head in silence. Khonshu was never one to be speechless. Everyone that had ever come across him knew this. The god of the night sky was a being of many, seemingly endless words.

But you never failed to leave him scrambling for what to say.

Sighing to himself, Khonshu repositioned his grip on his staff as he followed behind you, his long strides making him quick to meet his place by your side again. He glanced down to your height, watching as you absent-mindedly rummaged through your bag for any remaining bits of the pastry. As if you didn't have a care in the world. Nor as if you were phased in the slightest to have a literal god by your side.

Khonshu reached his hand down to you, giving you a gentle, loving caress to the small of your back.

You were lucky he loved you. But he felt equally as lucky to be loved by you.

~~~

The place you had picked out to settle down and open Khonshu's present was a spot you and Marc liked to visit when he first came to London. When Khonshu wasn't busy making him moon-knight, and he would spare himself a brief moment of relaxation, Marc liked to spend it someplace calm. Somewhere out in nature, where he could just get lost in the scenery around him and forget about his troubles, and ignore the constant squawking of the god over his shoulder. You remembered how many petty arguments you had to break up between the two of them. How many times you had to act as the middle-man when they refused to speak to one another.

They were fond memories of yours, and dumb as they were. Marc, Steven and Jake were your favorite moon knights so far, after all. They were your friends.

The dock was a place that was hard to find and hard to get to, making it the perfect spot for if you wanted to be alone. Having memorized everything about the path down there, it wasn't hard for you to make the journey with so many bags in your grasp. And, with the added help of your bird-ish lover balancing you whenever you needed, the trudge down was a piece of cake. Sure enough, the old, worn-down dock was empty, and the gentle sound of the waves of the harbor lapping against the wood was the only sound hung in the hair. The water was a dark, rich black, with the reflection of the large, shining full moon overhead glistening across its surface. This gave you just enough light to see what you were doing as you made your way to the edge of the dock, sitting down with your legs dangling a few feet above the water's surface.

Your lover sat next to you, setting is staff down behind him so that he could have his full attention on you and your present. Your bags were scattered all around your personal space now, but just far enough away so that they wouldn't interfere. All except one, of course, which held the present you had in store for the god.

"Trust me, Khon," you said, sliding the bag off of your lap and into his, "once you see this, you're gonna wish you had thought of having hair sooner."

The bird gave you a look before lowering his hands down to the bag, gentle and unsure with his movements. You could feel the skepticism pouring off of him, but you just simply looked at him with a smile as he opened the gift.

After some fiddling with the paper of the bag, Khonshu was able to free his gift from its confines. The plastic crinkling around his fingers, the god lifted up a small, square plastic bag. Inside of the bag there seemed to be some sort of dead animal. It was some kind of strange looking brown, stringy, somewhat curly pile of hair, totally synthetic in the way it shone in the light of Khonshu's moon. Upon further inspection, however, Khonshu realized that it wasn't a dead animal.

It was a wig.

The package held in his grasp, Khonshu turned his beak to look down at you again, only to be greeted with your giddy smile back up at him.

"Soooo?" you questioned, "What do you think?"

It took the deity a moment to respond to you.

"My stardust," he said, "it's... I am amused at the lengths you will take to get your way, darling."

You rolled your eyes with a playful scoff, "Khonshu, please! I can tell you don't like it!"

"I am most grateful for any offerings you wish to give me, moonstone. However, this one just seems quite... synthetic."

"Yeah, well duhhh," you said in response, gently taking the package out of the god's hands, "I can't really afford a real wig. Those things can be, like, hundreds of dollars."

Khonshu seemed a bit taken aback by that, "Hundreds?"

"Yeah, hundreds." you said in response, opening up the plastic as it crinkled and crunched in your hands, "I love you, Khon, but I'm not made of money."

The god let out a low hum, "If it is wealth you desire, my sweet, then I shall have Jake obtain it for you. You need only ask, and anything you desire shall be yours."

You giggled at your lover's sentiments, taking the cheap, synthetic wig out of the package and brushing it through with your fingers, "Come on, you know I'm not in to all that. I like just being normal. With my dingy flat and stubborn, bird-brained, god of the moon partner."

Once you felt like you had sufficiently combed through the wig, you lifted it up in front of you, using one of your hands as a make-shift stand so that you could see what it fully looked like. The thing was obviously fake material, with many frayed, jarring locks of hair jutting out in every which way. The item just barely resembled that of a medium-length, layered wolf cut, along with what seemed to be a few locks that were trying to be bangs. Even in the dim light of the moon above, you could tell that even though the wig was fresh out of the package, it had seen better days.

"Look, Khon!" you said, using your other hand in vain attempt to try and smooth some of the hair down, "These hairstyles are super trendy right now. You'll be, like, with the times and all that. Jake is gonna be floored when he sees you."

The god let out another hum, "I agree with you, little one. But I think we disagree on just why he will be floored."

You rolled your eyes playfully at Khonshu's remark, "I don't think it's gonna fit your head, though. Your skull is too fat. Hold on."

Before Khonshu could could protest at the characterization of his skull, he watched as you set the wig down on your lap, keeping it steady as your hands groped around the pockets of the jacket you wore. After checking almost all of the pockets, you let out a quiet aha as you found what you were looking for. Fumbling with the fabric, you pulled out a small, metallic sort of thing. Pushing the button on the side, it was revealed to be one of Marc's emergency knives he had tucked away in his coat for safe keeping. Keeping your hands steady, you angled the knife down at the wig in your lap. Carefully, such that you wouldn't lose your grip and accidentally cut yourself, you begun to cut away at some of the inside bits of the wig. Your jaw was clenched in concentration as Khonshu watched.

"What are you doing now?" he asked, the smallest hint of loving exhaustion in his low, rumbling voice.

"I'm trynna make this bigger," you said, "So that it'll fit your fat head."

The moon god's back stiffened at your words, long, proud beak dipping ever so slightly to one side.

"I do not have a fat head!" he exclaimed, his temper poking through making you giggle again.

"Well, maybe not to you," you said, "But compared to the size of a normal human's head, it's quite fat. Now be quiet so I can focus."

Without another word, Khonshu scoffed and looked away from you out to the moon's reflection on the water's surface, grumbling to himself some nonsense you couldn't understand. Likely in Egyptian. He often did that when he knew you were right, but didn't want to admit it out loud. The bird was just lucky none of his brothers and sisters were around to hear him be reprimanded by a mere mortal. Khonshu loved you greatly, he really did. You were one of the few he had ever been willing to put up with for such a long time.

But he was still a god. He often wondered if you forgot that part.

But he loved you enough to overlook it.

After a little longer of you cutting up the wig to make it fit, you had put down Marc's knife to admire your work. You had done a fairly good job; the wig was now wide enough to where it seemed like it would fit on Khonshu's fat head. The god would never say it out loud in order to preserve his pride, but he thought you did a good job as well. He guessed that you were more serious about this whole ordeal than he had originally thought you had been.

"Okay!" you said, "It's done! Are you ready to try it on?"

The moon deity let another disapproving rumble out from inside his chest, "Do I have to?"

"Yes." you responded matter-of-factly, pushing yourself up onto your feet.

Even whilst sitting down, Khonshu was still a fair amount taller than you were. You had to stand on your tip-toes in order to securely reach the top of his skull. Draping the synthetic mess of hair upon his head, he tried to keep very still so that it wouldn't fall off, and you would have to repeat the process all over (as tempting as discarding the infernal garment into the water below was to him). Once it was properly balanced up there, you used for fingers to try and style it as best you could. You knew he would like it more if it were at least passably good-looking.

Combing the plastic strands with your fingers one last time, you lowered yourself back flat on your feet and took a few steps away, trying to get a good look at your lover with his new head of hair. As you backed away, the god lifted up his beak again to stare ahead at you without a word.

Admittedly, you thought the color you chose did suit him. But, in every other way, it was ridiculous.

You could only go a few seconds without busting out in an amused, hearty laugh.

"Oh my god!" you said in between your giggles, "You look like you ripped the hair right off of some pop-star's head!"

Khonshu grumbled to himself again, "I knew this was a mistake."

Wiping away a few laughing-induced tears from the corners of your eyes, you shook your head, "No, no! It's not... terrible looking! It's just really jarring. I'm used to you being bald."

"There is no need to lie, moonstone."

"I'm not lying! I think it would look good if we got you a real wig!"

Reaching in your back pocket, you pulled out your phone and held it up to the god, using its black reflection as a make-shift mirror for him.

"See?" You asked, "It's not the worst thing in the world. Wish I could take a picture of you, though. To show Jake."

Peering down at his reflection in the tiny screen of your phone, Khonshu remained silent as he studied his reflection. You were right in the sense that him having any sort of hair was, in fact, jarring. His appearance hadn't changed in many hundreds of years, so it was odd to see him with a full head of scraggly, unkempt hair. Looking at himself longer, he decided that he still did not agree with you. Trying to picture himself with a better wig, he found that he didn't like the improvement much more either. He was fine with how he looked. As long as you and him thought he was handsome, he didn't feel any need to change. Hair was more of his sibling's thing, anyway.

"It is not totally dreadful, little one," he said to you, looking back to your face, "but I still do not care for it."

You let out a half-defeated sigh as you slipped your phone back into your pocket, a smile still lingering on your features, "Well, it was still worth a shot. I thought it wasn't that bad. Here, come on. I'll help you take it off."

Eager to rid himself of the itchy synthetic thing on his head, Khonshu leaned himself downwards. Still having to stand on your tip-toes, you slid the wig off of the god's skull, moving to discard of it after it had come loose. Khonshu shook himself off just a tad to get rid of any lingering scratchy-ness left behind by the wig as you set it inside of one of your bags, stretching out his shoulders after having to remain still for so long.

Once you were finished, you took a few steps back over to the god, leaning up to press a quick, warm kiss just underneath his eye socket onto his bony cheek.

"Hey," you said as you took a seat next to him, slipping your smaller hand into his, "Thank you. For at least giving it a shot."

The moon deity peered down at your smaller form, letting out another, but more content, rumble escape his chest.

"As I recall, it was you who so adamantly wanted to go out on this little venture." He said, "And it is my duty to watch over the travelers of the night."

You let out a soft laugh, "I know, but still. You couldn't said no. Been mean about it."

Khonshu unfurled his hand from yours, lifting it up to gently wrap around your plush, warm cheek with his linen-wrapped fingers.

"Never, my stardust. Never to you."

Your cheeks heating up at his touch, you smiled up at the god, nuzzling your cheek into his large palm.

"Does this mean we get to go out more often?" you asked.

Khonshu let out a hum as he leaned his beak down to you, pressing the tip against your cheek as his hand fell away from it, "Don't be overzealous, little scarab."

"Oh come on! You had fun too!"

The moon god tapped his beak against your cheek once more in response, reaching behind him to wield is staff once again. Once it was secure in his grasp, he rose up from his seated position to a stand. Bending over slightly, he offered you his hand for you to mimic his movements.

"Come, little one." He said, "The night grows old, and my moon shall soon disappear. Let us get you home. You need your rest after such an eventful excursion."

Groaning out a long fiiiineeee, you gathered up your bags in your arms again, hugging them tight to your chest. Once you felt like they were secure in your grasp, you folded your hand inside of Khonshu's, having him help you to your feet. When you were steady, the god laced his long, skinny pinky finger alongside yours, pulling your smaller body closer to his as you begun the trudge back to your flat.

"Well I had fun," you said, "And I know you did too. You can't hide it from me."

The moon god softly chuckled, "I love you, foolish mortal."

You shot him up a smile, "I love you too, bird-brain. Even though you're bald."

~~~

[monstersdownthepath]

Demigod Dossier: Velstrac Demagogues, part 1

Pictured: Aroggus, the Abbey-Maker

Lawful Evil Mad Artists of the Shadow Plane

The Complete Book of the Damned, pg. 120~121 Additional information is also present in Adventure Path: Return of the Runelords: The City Outside of Time, pg. 74~79

Our second-ever Demigod Dossier, now fully in-swing! The Velstrac Demagogues are the rulers of the Shadow Plane and all the lives within, though many of said lives within aren’t really fans of them. Natives to the Netherworld find the presence of the Velstrac an annoyance at best and a threat to their lives at worst, and would much prefer if they went back to Hell where they came from, but unfortunately for everyone everywhere they don’t appear too eager to throw themselves into the jaws of the inferno just yet. Instead, they’re busy throwing themselves into the jaws of one another.

The Demagogues represent the pinnacle of a specific subset of the Velstrac’s twisted senses of ‘art’ and ‘perfection,’ either because they’ve mutilated themselves into something wholly unlike anything else that can, did, or could exist, or they’ve pioneered a form of artistry that other Velstrac couldn’t even conceptualize in the first place and gathered a fandom. It takes some very twisted, alien forms of thinking to become a Demagogue and get others rallied behind you, even moreso because the Velstrac themselves are, putting it kindly, completely out of their gourd. When your audience already expects the insane and outlandish, you have to go even further, and many of the fiends you’ll soon see have.

We’ll only be covering four in this initial post, with the rest to be saved for later...

Demagogues view mortals as little more than primal clay to be shaped, and thus see little worth in investing true divine power into them, worshipers receive Boons that are are relatively simple: a trio of spell-like abilities, each of which may be used 1/day. Boons are normally gained slowly, at levels 12, 16, and 20, however entering the Evangelist, Exalted, or Sentinel Prestige Classes can see the Boons gained as early as levels 10, 13, and 16. Note that while they are Lawful Evil fiends originally from Hell, they are not devils, thus you cannot enter the Diabolist Prestige Class to obtain their Boons without DM fiat.

Aroggus, the Abbey-Maker

Demagogue of Possibility, Revenge, and Sanctuary Domains: Evil, Law, Protection, Trickery Subdomains: Deception, Defense, Fear, Tyranny

Obedience: List the names of those who have wronged you until the writing covers a page, then consume the parchment. Benefit: Gain a +4 profane bonus on saving throws to resist compulsion effects.

What a completely normal, sane, and healthy thing to do! As the first of the Demagogues to flee from Hell, Aroggus is EXTREMELY angry at the devils for locking them up in the first place. Angry enough to want revenge on the whole of the diabolic race, as well as the Asura... Angry enough that he hasn’t yet even started getting around to enacting his revenge, instead just constantly thinking about and refining it as if no iteration of suffering is perfect enough to match his fury.

True to form, he wants you to ruminate in your anger rather than doing anything to enact your vengeance, blacking out a page with the names (or just one name) of all who’ve wronged you no matter how petty or insignificant the inconvenience they may have caused. Unfortunately, no two ways about it, you’re going to look insane (in the literal definition of the term) doing this every day, especially if you only have one or two people who’ve wronged you enough to get onto your list. Scrawling their name, front AND back, until the page is filled and then eating it is behavior that will raise eyebrows no matter who you’re adventuring with. Best to keep this one behind closed doors. Make sure you have a glass of activated charcoal after, because all of that ink day after day (unless you write with, I don’t know, berry juice or blood) is going to do amazingly terrible things to your constitution.

The benefit is good. Compulsions are typically Save-Or-Suck effects, so having more Save means less Suck for you later on. It’s useful at any point in your adventure, so I can’t say anything bad about it! My only wish is that it was a little stronger, since some other gods give +4 vs compulsion and charm effects.

Boon 1: Nondetection Boon 2: Forcecage Boon 3: Imprisonment

Nondectection is a good spell for those times when you need to sneak by diviners, hide magic items from scrutiny, avoid the gaze of a Paladin who’s a little too judicious with Detect Evil, or to add another layer of shroud over Invisibility and the like. It’s a spell that’s a pain to prepare every single day, but useful to have when you need it... but you only have one casting of it per day, so using it wisely is paramount. Ironically, it combines well with your own Divination to find out if you’ll even need it later.  More often than not you won’t be using it at all except to idly ward yourself when going into town or diving into a dungeon.

Forcecage is a completely different animal, the offensive and defensive applications of the spell simply mind-blowing, to the point that keeping this to just one paragraph to save space is going to take some herculean effort on my part! So, the basics: Forcecage has two versions, both of which halt all movement through them: A 20ft square of force bars that allow spells, projectiles, and line-of-effect through, and a 10ft cube that blocks line-of-effect and all forms of magic and supernatural abilities. A Forcecage is effectively invincible (having Hardness 30 and 20hp/level) and impossible to move, so anyone trapped inside without the ability to teleport is likely to stay there for the spell’s duration. Also, to put it simply, shoving enemies in the cage is the main point, but if you cannot, a 10ft/20ft square is an enormous roadblock to stop up narrow passages with.

Which leaves Imprisonment, a portable hole you can shove all sorts of problems into, which will likely create new problems down the line if the target had anything you needed on them. I recommend knocking out a foe, stripping them of their valuables, and then shoving them into their baby jail for all eternity! With the Freedom spell being the only means to undo Imprisonment (even Wish and Miracle fail), you’ll have no actual way to undo the spell against any target you cast it on for one or two more levels, if at all (depending on the party composition). Make sure to use it only when the villain has no MacGuffins, or is a powerful recurring threat. Imprisonment works on anything and everything capable of failing the Will save (take note, anyone wanting to fight Kaiju, Great Old Ones, or Spawn of Rovagug), which gets a -4 penalty if you know the target’s name and some facts about its life, so famous villains are even more vulnerable to being thrown into the Eternity Marble! 

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Barravoclair, Lady of the Final Gasp

Demagogue of the Elderly, Fatalistic Insights, Resurrection Domains: Death, Evil, Healing, Law Subdomains: Murder, Restoration, Resurrection, Undead

Obedience: Practice breath control, holding your breath until you nearly pass out. Benefit: Gain a +4 profane bonus on checks to resist drowning and on saves against inhaled poisons.

A hell of a step down in terms of unhealthiness in terms of Aroggus, and significantly less suspicious, too. Breath control is practiced by people of all stripes, from athletes to explorers to simple monks attempting more profound meditation. While ‘nearly passing out’ is skirting an edge most people won’t approach, it’s not exactly as dangerous for you as, say, inhaling water or eating poison every day. Without any materials needed, the Lady of the Final Gasp is one of the simplest and probably the single cheapest Obedience ritual one could ask for! There is a minor caveat in that races who can’t breathe can’t technically do this Obedience at all, but those aren’t the audience Barravoclair wants anyway.

Unfortunately, the benefit is as weak as the Obedience is easy to do. Drowning is unlikely to come up as a danger unless you’re physically dragged into the water by a monster (which means holding your breath likely isn’t an option anyway), and inhaled poisons are the least common poison type in the game. Against the odd Catoblepas or Green Dragon it will come in handy, but it’s protection from injury poison you really need, which the Lady of the Final Gasp doesn’t provide.

Boon 1: Speak With Dead Boon 2: Resurrection Boon 3: Soul Bind

Alright, let’s face it. Some days, you need Speak With Dead to keep the plot running smoothly. Whether your overzealous DPS kills everyone in the room, your Fireball-lobbing Sorcerer kills everyone in the room, or your summoner’s unchained beasts kill everyone in the room, chances are at some point in your career you’re going to save the party a lot of headaches by being able to pull answers from a corpse. Having Speak With Dead available every day will likely not matter 80% of the time (meaning you can typically use it at your leisure just before going to bed), but much like with Water Breathing and spells like Remove Curse and Neutralize Poison, having it for those 20% of times you need it can keep the wheels spinning and stop unneeded side quests.

... And speaking of side quests and things you’ll need once in a blue moon, Resurrection? For free? Even 1/day? With the hefty cost of 10,000gp for the normal spell, even a well-off party will feel the impact every single time they have to use Rez, but the removal of the cost ups the power level of the spell by a margin so enormous that it doesn’t really matter what Boon you get before or after this one; THIS boon rewards worship of Barravoclair enough to justify putting up with her empty benefit. Even without factoring in the ability to raise party members, you can now curry favor with people of all stripes and demand all forms of insane payments for your ability to raise centuries-old dead at no cost but time... or do your work for free and call in favors at a later date. Do note, however, that you’ll also need someone else on standby to remove the negative levels/stat drain caused by the resurrection process.

I said it didn’t matter what the third Boon was and I stand by it. Unlike with the free Rez above, Soul Bind’s enormous cost still makes its use as anything but a once-per-campaign finisher of an annoying enemy irritating and unfeasible. Spell-likes normally require no components, but Soul Bind operates in a gray area of the rules in that its focus component becomes the subject for the spell, meaning that a DM can very easily and very rightly say you DO require the  gemstone whose value must equal or exceed the target’s HD x 1,000. Binding even a simple 5 CR creature requires the tall order of a 5,000gp gemstone, and if you want to use it on a target that’s worthwhile, it gets expensive fast. It’s way cheaper and easier to just hire a Cacodaemon. 

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Fharaas, the Seer in Skin

Demagogue of Experience, Murder, and Patterns Domains: Evil, Knowledge, Law, Repose Subdomains: Ancestors, Fear, Memory, Souls

Obedience: Study the interior of a freshly severed limb. Benefit: You are immune to bleed effects that deal 6 damage or less.

This Obedience is deceptively simple for what its implication is. You’d best get yourself a Sack Of Rats or have access to a lot of disposable prisoners (or the Regenerate spell)! But thankfully, there’s some wiggle room in the wording: ‘freshly severed’ means no cheating and using Gentle Repose on the same arm over and over, but it ALSO means you can carry around a single corpse and slowly slice it apart, as the limbs themselves don’t have to be fresh, just freshly cut off for the purpose of the ritual. Also, you can use the bodies of Undead, Constructs, and any other creature that technically has severable limbs! Though Fharaas, the Seer In Skin, will likely punish you if your ritual doesn’t involve the examination of actual flesh.

You’re going to look really weird, is what I’m saying. At least if someone barges in on you, you can claim you’re inspecting them for something or other. Infection, signs of magic, etc, whatever you can come up with to blunt the blow. You can cover yourself moderately well by being a butcher or a hunter in your day job, as the severed limb doesn’t have to be human, or even sapient (hence why I suggest a Sack Of Rats), letting you freely slice up and examine your kills.

Bleed effects are fairly uncommon in the grand scheme of things but are also a pain in the neck to deal with in the middle of battle, so this giving a +4 bonus aga--wait, sorry, hold on no, this isn’t a bonus to saving throws? Or skill checks to heal bleed? It just... Stops them if they deal 6 or less damage? You don’t even have to make a save?

Okay. Okay, alright. So you’re just immune to bleed, then?

More or less, really. There are very few monsters that deal more than d6 bleed damage with their attacks (be warned that higher-level ones can sometimes stack their bleed!), and this ability also works on the rare but dreaded stat bleed, and off the top of my head there are NO monsters that deal more than a d4 dice in stat bleed damage. My main problem is that it doesn’t reduce the bleed damage you take by 6, so taking even 1 more point of bleed damage makes this ability useless. Still, though it’s fairly narrow, being effectively immune to a dangerous and irritating status ailment at level 3 or so (when bleed is at its most threatening) is well worth taking up butchery. 

Boon 1: Keen Edge Boon 2: Vision Boon 3: Foresight

Keen Edge is a spell you absolutely want to slap onto any vaguely pirate-y or hoity-toity party member you may have, as cutlasses, rapiers, and scimitars all leap from a dangerous 18~20 critical range to a terrifying 15~20, meaning they threaten to critically strike 1 out of every 4 attacks instead of just once every other fight or so. With a duration of 10 min/level, the enchantment will likely last multiple fights even if you only have it 1/day, but unfortunately it refuses to stack with any crit-boosting enchantments or feats the wielder may already possess, lessening its usefulness as your adventure goes on and your martial party members pick up increasingly fancy gear and pad out their collection of feats. Still, it’s useful for when you get it, and will remain useful for several levels after.

Vision is a whole different beast, and a dangerous one at that. It operates as the Legend Lore spell but vastly accelerated, allowing you to scrape the public consciousness for any information it may have on a specific person, place, or thing. I’ve complained about the general niche uses of Legend Lore before, but Vision grants the information in a much shorter time (a single standard action) at the cost of a potential for failure and a slap of fatigue whether you succeed or not. I don’t like 1/days that do nothing on a failure, but since Vision is purely a downtime spell (unless you need to know the boss’ weakness or info on the Evil Doom Artifact right now immediately), it’s not as much of an impediment to lose out on whatever information it could give you. That being said, the DM will likely have ways for you to do whatever plot-relevant research you need anyway, so Vision is more of a way to speed up the process than anything.

Which leaves Foresight, a spell whose main benefit relies intensely on DM cooperation, as I’ve ranted about here. Mechanically it’s fairly unimpressive, but if the DM reads the spell carefully, they should realize it gives whoever you cast it on a 6-second glance into the future at all times. Whatever horrors befall the victim 6 seconds from now should spring into your mind before they happen, making you the best trap radar on the planet, and the spell’s warnings for the best ways to protect yourself will urge the DM to grant you information about the enemy’s capabilities you may never otherwise know... but what do you expect from 9th level magic? It SHOULD be filling you in with details you’d never figure out!

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Inkariax, the White Death

Demagogue of Preservation, Absolute Cold, and Solitude Domains: Evil, Law, Void, Water Subdomains: Fear, Ice, Isolation, Slavery

Obedience: Inventory your collection of hoarded knickknacks, reciting your unique name for each item as you do Benefit: Gain a +4 profane bonus on saving throws to resist effects that would petrify or paralyze you.

God, finally, someone normal. At worst you’ll look like someone with a few obsessive issues, but at least you won’t look like a menace to society as you lay out your, I dunno, marbles or bone dice or dolls or what have you and make note that they’re still there, cooing to them with names only you know. It’s fitting for Inkariax, of all the Demagogues, to have an Obedience that requires no self-harm, physically or psychologically; unlike all the rest, he was born perfect and doesn’t need to chase after it. Instead, he pursues finding perfection in others, freezing and collecting people and items he believes represent perfection in whatever unusual way he desires that day (having perfect posture, or a perfect scream, or a perfect pair of eyes, etc). Much like him, you’re encouraged to expand a collection of whatever you deem perfect and desirable, which you’re often going to do just over the course of normally adventuring. I’ve yet to see a player character that doesn’t start amassing all sorts of junk in their pockets the moment they get a Bag of Holding or similar.

Indeed, you can just pick up whatever catches your fancy, be it stones, sticks, or severed bits of an enemy, though I’m sure Inkariax will ever-so-slowly raise a disapproving eyebrow if you just pick up any old junk. Make sure to curate your collection now and then! Being able to perform this Obedience with anything you happen to gather is especially helpful if you’re ever separated from your collection (always a danger) and need to start again, but note that each item you gain in your collection must have a completely unique name. That’s only really a danger for especially RP-heavy campaigns, but in such campaigns Worship of the White Death isn’t for everyone who just names all their collected bird feathers Jeffery. Start getting in the habit of stretching out your inventory sheet with names for all your items!

The benefit you get from lovingly counting up all your stolen statuettes and dusty books is resistance to two of the worst status effects in the game. While petrification is relatively rare it typically appears in Save-Or-Suck form, which makes protection against it far more valuable than, say, protection against something like the far more common fatigue or exhaustion. Paralysis is an ailment just short of a death sentence by itself, costing the victim their turn at best and their life at worst, so even a +4 between you and that is something you need to cling to with your entire being.

Boon 1: Sleet Storm Boon 2: Sequester Boon 3: Microcosm

Sleet Storm is a very simple spell with a decent number of functions. Its Long range means that any enemy in your line of sight can potentially be a target, letting you lash out easily at ranged enemies or dangerous casters by creating a 40ft-wide and 20ft-tall area of concealing sleet that’s impossible for any vision to pierce (except the rare and niche Snowsight or Fogcutter Lenses). Anyone inside will have to rely on Tremorsense or Blindsense (though the jury’s out on if the splashing of the sleet would confound those, as well) to navigate it, and 40ft of difficult terrain can feel impossible to clamber through when you start right in the middle of it with no idea which way is the way you need to go. It’s one of the strongest vision-blockers in the game due to its immunity to common tactics that thwart lesser spells (Gust of Wind, True Seeing, etc), forcing enemies to either blow their valuable uses of Dispel Magic or suffer for its entire duration. My only complaint is that you only get it 1/day and that it screws over your party just as hard if you use it incorrectly.

Sequester is as niche a use spell as there ever was for players, requiring a bit of forethought about what or who you’d want to hide with it. The target must be willing or inanimate to be affected, so tricking an enemy via Charm or Dominate into accepting the spell can keep them fresh as a daisy for weeks at a time if you ever have a reason to do such a thing. More often than not you’ll use it to conceal items you seriously don’t want seen or detected, such as a Bag of Holding or similar loaded with your collection of knickknacks or emergency supplies, a particular hostage, an NPC you need to keep alive, or your phylactery if you’re a Lich. If you’re especially sadistic, using it on an item someone else needs and throwing it into a well or a hoard of other objects will keep them occupied for a while. If you’re a more martial character, using it to hide your armor is viable, making it seem as though you’re invincible when enemy blows bounce straight off, or even your weapon to confound your enemies who seem to be taking wounds from an unseen item. Your mime routine will be killer, literally! Just... Just don’t drop the thing, because in the heat of battle you’re never going to find it.

Microcosm is one of the best spells you can hurl into a crowd of commoners or a swarm of foes meant to gum you up instead of actually threaten you. Its 30 HD limit will mean it likely will only strike one or two creatures capable of actually threatening you, but it’s brutal even then. The spell is permanent, trapping your victims in an illusory world in which everything goes right for them even as their bodies starve to death in the waking world. Anything with less than 10 HD is automatically affected with no saving throw, the spell easily mopping up mobs, while anything with 11~15 HD escapes automatically after 10 min... per level you have. On a successful save. There’s Save-Or-Suck, and then there’s the immensely rare Save-And-Suck! No wonder Microcosm is ONLY on the Psychic’s list! Anything with more than 16 HD is unaffected if they succeed their save, but all their allies are likely in an everlasting dreamland now. The big issue is that the HD restriction is way tighter than you may think; creatures, especially at higher levels, usually do NOT have HD matching their CR, but if you’re mainly battling level-appropriate Humanoid or Monstrous Humanoid creatures, Microcosm is fairly reliable in such battles, as those foes typically have HD that roughly matches their CR. But if you’re up against, say, Dragons or Outsiders, good luck bud.

Side note: Microcosm and Sequester used in combination make for excellent ways to start your own morbid collection of living creatures, just like your icy master! Just make sure you have some non-Divination means of seeing them, as Sequester blocks even True Sight.

[firebrands]

Hey, Nadine! For the writers' asks thingamabob, please: 2-4, 11, 13, 14, 17-19, 24, 27, 31-33, 37, 38. Too much? :D Pls ignore anything you want.

only, only, only. my sweet dear. i am going to answer THE SHIT OUTTA THIS 

2. Is there a trope you’ve yet to try your hand at, but really want to? BDSM au (or generally, a BDSM-focused fic), and a forced marriage. 

3. Is there a trope you wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole? kidfic - either they have a kid or they’re de-aged. i’m just not about it. 

4. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Care to share one of them? holy bananas batman, there are QUITE A FEW. i’d say 5 - the main one still being a catalog of non-definitive acts. i’m doing my final tweaks on chapter 6, and then facing the behemoth of sticking the landing for the last chapter. eep.

11. Is writing your passion or just a fun hobby? passion, definitely. been writing since i was 12, and my day job involves writing, and i keep a journal, and i also have a tinyletter. so, yeah. it’s part of me. haha. 

13. What’s the best writing advice you’ve ever come across? show, don’t tell; trust your reader; and write one true sentence. 

14. What’s the worst writing advice you’ve ever come across? never use adverbs, or don’t start a sentence with a conjunction. (i mean - to be fair, use adverbs sparingly. but, idk! who cares!!)

17. Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order? i usually do start to finish if it’s a one-shot. but with my chaptered / longer fics, sometimes i write them out of order (the end first, and then work my way back, or things that fill the gaps i didn’t know existed).

18. Do you use any tools, like worksheets or outlines? very big on outlines. but the best tool i have is my pen & my notebook - it really works for me to scribble things down before typing it up.

19. Stephen King once said that his muse is a man who lives in the basement. Do you have a muse? no, never had one, and i never understood why this concept persists.

24. Have you ever deleted one of your published fics? back in my old fandom, yeah i think so. but none so far for marvel.

27. How do you feel about collaborations? i would love to give them a try!!! (wink wink)

31. Do you take liberties with canon or are you very strict about your fic being canon compliant? i do not give a HOOT about canon was my first thought, but then i was thrown violently back in time to when i pored over the transcript of TWS, IM3, and CW just for my big bang fic so. yeah, okay, canon matters to me when i write.

32. How do you feel about smut? hard to do right, and something i’m still trying to work on becoming better at.

33. How do you feel about crack? something i could only ever enjoy reading. i can’t even fathom trying to write crack lmao

37. Talk about your current wips. have three at the moment, and two are meant to be secret - one for the stony zine, and another for rbb. so i will talk about my current priority wip!!! (catalog of non-definitive acts) i’m writing a sort of half confrontation scene and it is tearing up my heart. but also, i just tried to keep in mind that most people really don’t know how to communicate - or even refuse to, because they don’t want to be vulnerable (read: they don’t want to lose), because they’re afraid of rejection, or simply because they’ve never seen what proper communication is like. so these two idiots really wouldn’t have a reason to open up, unless something–something crazy happens. so of course, i am laddering up to the one final wild thing.

i’m still on the fence about how to end it - if they should finally bring the secret of their relationship to light, or if it’s resolved enough between them and leave it at that. idk. suggestions are welcome lmao. 

38. Talk about a review that made your day. OKAY PLEASE BUCKLE UP. THIS COMMENT MADE ME CRY. like. they just got it. they read what i was saying in the fic and like, THEY SAW WHAT I WAS SETTING UP: “As the reader, we have to put ourselves in the shoes of both, not just the one whose POV we’re seeing–perhaps even moreso to really understand him. But the author is leaving us the breadcrumbs.” (and then they PROCEEDED TO LIST DOWN THE LITTLE INSTANCES IN WHICH STEVE WAS TRYING.) oh my god, i was dumbstruck, for real. like. it feels SO GOOD to know someone is reading something i wrote that closely, and that i was able to communicate what i had intended!!!

40 Questions — Meme for Fic Writers

[realityhelixcreates]

Lasabrjotr Chapter 36: Land of Light

Chapters: 36/? Fandom: Thor (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe Rating: Teen And Up Warnings: None Relationships: Loki x Reader (Someday) Characters: Loki (Marvel), Reader, Additional Tags: Post-Endgame: Best Possible Ending (Canon-Divergent), What Do You Mean Aliens Look Alien, Tara Is 100% That Bitch And I Love Her, Still Building The Realms, I Think That’s The Last One Though Summary:   You and your best friend reconnect, an Loki teaches you about a very special realm

Now that you had a phone, you sure were taking a lot of pictures. Of Akureyri, on your way out. Of Acorn and Leynarodd. Of all the sights on the way back to Asgard. And of Loki. One picture especially, of you and him crammed close together, to get both of you in the frame, you set as your lockscreen, and sent to Tara, whom you had begun texting earlier that morning.

After you had both stopped shrieking at each other-which had unsettled Loki enough that he hovered around you like a concerned hornet-you had spilled all the beans about what had been going on all summer. Everything, up to and including punching Loki in the bathtub. Loki had whined in protest over that: a mistake, because Tara heard him. You put her on speaker so she could sass him, and so he could sass her back. You thought they were going to go on forever, until Tara unexpectedly turned on you.

“So why does Count Chocula there get the most beautiful horse in the world, while you get the goofiest one?”

“I'm sure once I discover the source of that reference, I shall be sufficiently offended.” Loki muttered.

“How dare you!” You mock-gasped. “Don't you smack talk Acorn! She's perfection.”

“His horse looks like she was carved from black marble by Michelangelo himself. Yours looks like a soggy muppet.”

“You get over here and say that to my face! I'll put my fist between your teeth, you see if I don't! Don't you pay attention to a single thing she says, Acorn. You are the actual best.”

Acorn snorted and meandered placidly along.

“You really gonna threaten me with a good time while your boy toy is sitting right next to you? Risky.”

“He is not-” You began.

“You punched him right in the snoot, and you're still alive. You know he liked it!”

“I don't know that at all!” You couldn't help but to glance over at Loki, who was slightly pink in the cheeks.

“Well...I didn't hate it.” He admitted. “You didn't hurt me, and you were naked at the time, so it certainly wasn't the worst thing that has ever happened to me...”

“Oh my god!” You wailed.

“Oh my god!” Tara squealed.

“We are not having this conversation. In fact, we never started this conversation. Never happened.” You stated firmly.

“Ohhoho, it happened all right!” Tara gloated. “I'm gonna bring this up everyday for the next three years, try and stop me.”

“Why must you torment me so?”

“Dude, you're starting to sound like MacBeth over there. Well, if you aren't dating him, I might. Hey War of the Roses, you wanna go on a date?”

“She's as bad as Stark...” Loki muttered.

“Oh my god, Tara! You can't just proposition my boss, you dork!”

Loki grimaced and stuck his nose in the air. “It is inappropriate to approach me in the way of a peasant. You are aware of my status, and I'll thank you to remember it, you impertinent tart.”

“Hey! You can't call me that!”

“Yeah! You can't call her that! But I can!” You cried gleefully. “That's your name now, it's going in my contacts!”

The two of you devolved into calling each other extremely rude nicknames, while Loki sighed and urged Leynarodd forward.

“I do not understand the intricacies of human friendship.” He said.

Afterwards, you begin describing you new home, its beauty and mystery. How the sun never set, and the unusual architecture and clothing of the Asgardians, Of the things you had learned about other planets. Tara, like you, always had great deal of curiosity about outer space and alien species; it was something you had played at as children, discussed and fantasized about as teenagers. She wanted every detail of what you had been taught about Vanaheim, Nidavellir, Svartalfheim, and all the Jotnar.

Loki interrupted every now and again, to amend a detail you had gotten wrong, or to praise you for what you remembered correctly. He even seemed slightly surprised when you listed the differences you had noticed between humans and Asgardians, as if he had never thought about it.

Eventually, your battery began to run low, and you were forced to bid Tara farewell for the day, with many promises of future calls.

You stopped in the small forest for lunch, peeking into the underbrush for elves and fairies again. Loki caught you at it while handing you half-frozen bilberries out of a bag, leaning in close to you and peering into the brush.

“What do you seek out there?” He asked. “Would you like one of those flowers? You could wear it in your hair-just so.” He twirled a strand around his finger. You swallowed, pretending your throat was just thick with berries.

“Er, no. It's kinda silly. This looks like the kind of place elves would live. But that's obviously not-”

“Well, there's only the one sun, but the length of the days in the summer is reminiscent of Alfheim, after a fashion.” Loki interrupted idly.

“I'm sorry, elves are real?”

He fixed you with an incredulous expression. “Yes, of course. You've already learned about Svartalfari-you know, the dark elves?”

“Well...yeah. But I thought they were just called that because they looked like elves, but they weren't ...real elves...” Now that you said it out loud, it didn't make much sense. If something 'looked like' an elf, what made it not an elf?

“What, do tell, are 'real elves' to you?” Loki asked. “I'm...actually too curious for sarcasm.”

“Okay, yes, that was silly of me and I don't really understand why I thought that way. I guess it's just that the elves from my childhood stories all live in forests, and they dance and sing, and are very noble, and magical, and kind. They live close to nature, and befriend animals. That kind of thing.”

“So...Ljosalfar.” Loki said, as if it were obvious. “The light elves of Alfheim.”

“So they're real too?”

“Very. Though they may not be quite what you had pictured. Alfheim is a place of endless sunlight, and life there has adapted to it. There is a system of three great stars, that are locked in an intricate dance near the heart of their galaxy. Shared between them is one planet, and seven moons. The system almost never experiences night. It is in many ways, the complete opposite of Svartalfheim.”

“So it's like this-” You gestured at the ever-present sun. “-All the time?”

“And often moreso. The sky is the palest blue- nearly white. The planet orbits the innermost and largest star, so there is nearly always at least one sun in the sky, and sometimes more. There are nearly always a handful of moons, even in the odd times when all of the suns have set. And even on the very rare occasions that all the suns and moons are out of the sky, the heavens of Alfheim are so packed with stars, that the world is merely dim, never dark.”

“That sounds like it would drive me nuts.” You said. “Like, it sounds incredibly beautiful, but I've already lost track of how long I've been here, and I've only got the one sun to mislead me. How do they even tell the time?”

“They don't.” Loki said with a shrug. “Alfar are effectively undying. They are beings of unparalleled magical aptitude, and it prolongs their lives. They live, until they decide not to. Some never make that decision. But they live as you say; dancing and singing whenever they feel like, living among the natural wonders of their worlds, and they are very friendly and very kind.”

He held his hands apart, and three huge suns appeared between them, spinning in a complex orbit. Around the innermost hung a large world, surrounded by many moons.

“As you can see, the foliage here is different than on Earth, or Asgard, or Vanaheim, for the suns are different, but it is even more lush and vibrant.”

Trees, bushes, and flowers sprouted from his hands, glowing in strange colors. The tallest trees were bright blue, their broad leaves riddled with natural holes and clear, membranous windows that filtered light down to the undercanopy, made up of mostly yellowish plants, that graduated down to orange at the lowest levels of growth. The flowers came in shapes and color combinations that you could never have imagined, visited by iridescent bird-like creatures, and metallic arthropods.

A creature emerged from the undergrowth, roughly humanoid, but oddly proportioned to your eyes. Its arms, torso, neck and face were long, making its legs seem short in comparison. Its skin was pearly white, and like a pearl, it shone with reflected light. Even its pale hair sparkled like it had been dusted with glitter, and its huge, sharply tilted eyes practically glowed, a row of pinpoint pupils crossing them diagonally. To the satisfaction of all your childhood fantasies, it also had long, pointed ears.

“They're very different, aren't they?” You asked. You found the little figure oddly beautiful, but also just unusual enough to be slightly unsettling.

“A little yes.” Loki agreed. “I've certainly seen stranger, but you've been stuck here all your life. Am I perhaps the first real extraterrestrial you ever laid hands on?”

“I think you mean eyes.”You said.

“I think I mean that the very first time we met, you grabbed me by the hand before you ever saw my face. So yes, you laid hands on me first.”

“...Okay, that's fair.” You admitted irritably. “I had no idea that was you, to begin with.”

“Clearly.” Loki said dryly. “No human had yet touched me with so little hostility. Obviously, you didn't know who I was at the time. You made up for it the second time we met, when you hit me in the nose and tried to drown yourself in river mud rather than be near me. That was much more par for the course.”

Oh, now you felt the guilt. Loki was probably used to being shunned by the people of Earth, but being used to it was not the same as being unaffected by it. You hunched your shoulders and looked away from the little figure.

“Now, now.” Loki said, cupping your chin in his slim hand, and turning your face to look at him. “Do not take it as an indictment. Your rather foolhardy bravery has served you well in my eyes, by bringing forward things I might not have realized in a timely enough manner. An Asgardian lets their deeds speak for them most of the time. And you did not hurt me. It was the emotions and causes behind your strikes that effected me, not the strikes themselves. You did not hurt me. You cannot hurt me.”

You just gazed fixedly into his eyes as he lied with such incredible expertise. You had called him a monster back then, and you had seen it hurt him.

But if he just meant physically...probably. It wasn't exactly an excuse for losing your temper, though.

He withdrew his hand abruptly, and scooted the floating images between the two of you.

“Now,” He continued, voice a little tight. “Unlike the Vanir or Svartalfari, who are rather homogeneous in appearance, Alfar are more like humans and Asgardians, in that they come in multiple 'colors'.”

So he was just going to continue on, as if he hadn't just interrupted the lesson to lay the guilt on you, and then absolved you in nearly the same breath? All right, you could keep up with him and his moods.

Several more figures emerged from the illusory plants, each distinctly Alfar in shape, some taller, some shorter, all willowy and delicate in appearance. Each different Alfar looked as if they had been dipped in a different color of chrome paint: Gold, copper, silver, bronze, even pale, steely blue, green, and lavender. Standing out among them was a completely black individual, an obsidian carving among gilded statues.

This individual possessed slightly different proportions than its fellows, much closer to humans and Asgardians, though its torso, neck, and face were still clearly Alfar.

“Ah, I see. All this shining precious metal before you, and yet, the mysterious Dokkalfar has enchanted you. You show uncommon taste sometimes, my dea-” He cleared his throat. “My little seidkona.”

“It's just so different from all the others, and I wonder why? Different environment?”

“Exactly so. Remember all those lovely moons that surround Alfheim? They are considered a part of Alfheim as well, as each one supports life, and each one is inhabited by Alfar. As well as Vanir, some Asgardians, and a few Jotnar. This is the place that Gerd calls home. Remember her? The silver-skinned giantess who so enchanted Freyr?”

“Um, yeah. Is that why she had all those mirror patches on her skin? Because the Alfar are metallic?”

“Hmm, well the reasons why she has them, and the reasons why the Alfar shine are the same reasons. Can you guess why they might have adapted that way? It's why I cannot take you to Alfheim unless I cover you from head to toe in clothes and wide-brimmed hats. Or else slather you thickly in your special lotions, with their high numbers of 'spiffs'.”

“I think you mean 'SPF'-oh, it's the suns! It's to protect them from sun damage!”

“Indeed! They simply reflect back whatever light they cannot absorb. Of course, this is not so easy for the Asgardian and Vanir colonists to do, but that is where the Dokkalfar come in.”

A pair of campers approached cautiously, staring at the illusions Loki produced. One asked something in Icelandic, which you had even less of a grasp on than Asgardian.

“No, miss. We will be leaving shortly.” Loki replied.

She asked something else, and you thought you hear the word 'Aesir' within the sentence. Loki smiled and nodded, dismissing the illusions before presumably bidding the campers farewell, as he began gathering up the remains of your lunch as soon as he stopped talking.

“They wanted to use the table, but were a little frightened of the magic. Christians, I believe. Not everyone turned to the old ways just because we returned, after all.”

“Oh. Right, Christianity would be your enemy, wouldn't it? Since you're a pagan god?” It would make sense for there to be a rivalry.

“Not necessarily.” He said, as you rode back through the forest. “I care nothing for the Christians of today. They are very different now that they were, because humans are different today than they were, though not by much. I had some hope that a thousand years might have allowed them to learn not to fear all things different than they. But since that's how their leaders gained power in the first place, it is unlikely that they will ever give it up. In other words, they may see me as a thing to fear, and even hate, but I do not see them that way. However, if you find yourself with the time and inclination, look up the history of conversion in Scandinavia, and perhaps you will understand why it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. It was one of several reasons I never came back after my Midgard training module ended.”

“Well, uh, let's keep talking Alfar then.” You suggested. There was old regret in his words, a mystery that was shrouded in the mist of generations past to you, but but that Loki remembered from physically being there...Maybe he hadn't always looked down on humans, but had been bitten sometime long ago.

How much history could he return to the world? First-hand accounts of what was going on in Northern Europe a thousand years ago? How come there wasn't an entire camp full of dedicated historians parked on Asgard's doorstep?

“You have something on your mind.” He stated.

“Oh, uh, we were talking about Dokkalfar?” Maybe you shouldn't bring it up further.

Loki raised an eyebrow. You weren't exactly lying, but you were sidestepping the truth, and he probably knew it. Apparently, he decided to let it go.

“A little history is probably important at this point. Alfheim was discovered by my grandfather, Bor, shortly after the Vanir campaign, and he was seeking a definitive 'win' after the humiliating draw he'd had to declare with the Vanir. He also had three new Aesir to deal with: Njord and the Twins, and had been forced to leave his two eldest children with their people. He was very frustrated, is the point I'm trying to make. Alfheim broke him.”

Loki sighed, but it seemed almost to be with satisfaction. “The Alfar would not fight, and could not be killed. Any that were captured to be pressed into slavery simply willed themselves to die. When Asgardians were friendly and kind, so too were the Alfar. When Asgardians were threatening and violent, the Alfar were nowhere to be found, but monstrous wildlife, mysterious accidents, and magical subterfuge were suddenly unavoidable. Add to that the punishing sunlight that Asgardians were not adapted to, and the thick, un-navigable forests that cover all but a very small portion of Alfheim or any of its moons, and the fact that most Alfar live in the trees, and you have a recipe for a disastrous military campaign. One that didn't even need to be waged, because the Alfar were perfectly willing to share their resources with us in the first place.

“My grandfather was forced to call another truce, rather than lose more of his soldiers while making no headway. Egalitarian colonies were established there instead. Like the Vanir, the Alfar became allies instead of conquests, making us all richer in the process. One of the better things he did, if you ask me. Honestly, every time Grandfather failed, it always seemed like it was for the better.”

It was really strange to think of such an ancient civilization as Asgard having only had four leaders in its entire lifespan, and that three of them had turned out to be such jerks.

“Why was he so bent of fighting in the first place?” You wondered. “You'd think it would be a relief to find people who wanted to share their stuff and be your friends.”

“Grandfather was very single minded.” Loki answered. “He was the kind of king that left most of the actual ruling to his council, and his remaining son, while he took responsibility for expanding Asgardian influence and power. And he was very good at it! Like I said, even when he failed, Asgard found benefit in it. It's just that some Aesir seem to get caught up in their godhead, and it can cause a consuming madness that is not easy to escape. Some do not try. It's likely that this happened to my sister, and she simply could not free herself from the madness.”

He sighed again, but this time there was no satisfaction.

“Did that happen to you?” You asked, realizing that you didn't actually know what exactly Loki was the god of. You had asked everyone except him.

“We were talking about the Dokkalfar.” He pointed out. So he was going to be Like That. You would have to ask again later.

“Yeah, I guess we were. So what about them?”

“They evolved on the most distant moon, where the forests are taller, but the trees thinner than the others. These trees are so tall that they block most of the light, so the Dokkalfar evolved black skin to absorb light, rather than reflect it. And these trees are too slender to build homes in, making these the only Alfar to live at ground level. That is why they look different than the others: Adaptive pressures. It turned out the way they live is perfect for teaching Asgardians and Vanir how to survive in they system, and there are still several colonies on the moons. Especially this one.”

He held up his hand, the fifth moon of Alfheim spinning there.

“My mother was born here.”