#I'M IN MENTAL ANGUISH
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So I'm writing a fanfic for my post 02 au and I'm wondering has anyone ever just spend multiple weeks teaching yourself the Japanese school system and then double checking each and every character's age and birthdate that you setup for them so that way (despite it being an au, in which you can change things and make your own rules) it can be relatively accurate to real life.
Yeah, me neither. Only an insane person would do that!
#HELP I'VE BEEN AT THIS FOR 6-7 HOURS#I'M IN MENTAL ANGUISH#I can't be the only on right?#My brain has broken multiple times now#I had open google docs samsung notes a calender 2 wikis 3 google tabs and a calculator#fandoms#digimon adventure#digimon adventure 02#digimon post 02 au#digimon#character ages#fanfic madness#fanfic problems#fanfic
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you and Mr. Fell don't ever talk to each other-
-you never say what you're really thinking.
#good omens#good omens 2#good omens spoilers#good omens 2 spoilers#this parallel has been eating me up#i've never made gifs before but i tried my best :')#i'm sure someone else has already done it better and prettier but i wanted to make my own#you cannot comprehend the physical and mental anguish...#...learning how to make gifs has put me through#like i've tried several times in the past and i've always given up#but nooooooooo this show#*this show* inspires me to put myself through a clothes wringer to learn#also go to jail michael sheen i hate your stupid face (affectionate)#go s2#go s2 spoilers#i made this
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Thank you so much @tmkalp for creating that wild west au 🙏 and for being ok with me making my own :D
So here, have Chase being hog-tied to a train track!
First things first(because you KNOW I gotta add a description to every image lol)
I hate that goddamn train. I'm gonna admit I traced the hell out of it and it took me hours??? It came out so ugly brooo
It's WAYY too small but not a single cell in my body is motivated to redraw it
Aight, train rant over
Buddy is supposed to be a western prostitute(the pants were supposed to be non-transparent fading into a transparent tone) because I couldn't think of any other villainess role in a western movie.
Not that I was more creative with Chase 💀
I literally just looked up 'western film female protagonist' and stole ideas off of there
Also yes, Chase is in extreme back pain
Buddy: Well hello there
Chase: *muffled insults*
#cinderella boy#cinderella boy webtoon#Buddy#chase hollow#western au#thanks again tmkalp 🙏🙏🙏#that train caused me mental anguish#let it burn in hell next to Vannessa#Originally Buddy was going to have a gun but I wanted to be done with this already#realy excited for the update tomorrow :DD#heard that it's gonna be GOOD#I might make another western au with both Buddy and Chase as competing saloon girls#imagine: While Chase is in the spotlight Buddy sits at a table in the back brooding#because 1. the attention isn't on him#and 2. because he's probably jealous of all the other men getting Chase's attention lol#he's so pettyyyy#I'm going to draw him getting an ward for pettiness next lol
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Luz borrowing Hunter's scroll to call Amity after she sleep spells him because even though Hunter's breathing and she can feel him breathing, "Sleep followed by petrification" was Belos' "Humane" way of putting down Hunter and she's A Little Bit Crazy and Traumatized so she's like "I need someone here who can Fight Me to the death if it seems like I'm going snap and try to petrify him. Amity can you come to my room and spend the night please I need you to protect Hunter from me :(((("
i've had a couple friends with OCD talk about how strongly they see themselves in AU luz & nowhere has the evidence Ever been stronger than in this ask.
luz. baby.
you have OCD.
#amity is like 'he sleeps with you basically every night and you've never petrified him before....?'#and luz is like yeah but i'm thinking about how i could do it. which is functionally the same mentally for me as doing it except 150 times#in a row. with all the associated mental anguish.#amity: ....okay. i'll be there in a few minutes. don't... do anything drastic. okay??#luz: i can wait. i won't hurt him. i promise#amity: i meant to yourself. but okay!#luz being like amity i'm so sorry to ask it of you i know you're not in my guard and don't want to be around me but#nobody else knows i'm evil :((( and amity like where do i even begin. okay. sure. i'll protect hunter.#toh#replies#princess luz au#and who is that other witch#horrible mindscape trauma pals#shitty idiot repression gang#luz noceda#amity blight#hunter toh#ocd
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Just to say, I have received several RUDE AS HELL emotionally devastating fic requests to the inbox so BRACE YOURSELVES, THE PAIN TRAIN IS ONCE AGAIN LEAVING THE STATION.
@plotdesigner @clumsycopy @niennawept YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID. 🤣🤣🤣
#adar#adar asks#fic requests#I'm gonna get there y'all#ficverse adar#ficverse adar is groaning RN#“MORE pain?!?!? MORE mental anguish???!?? HAVEN'T I SUFFERED ENOUGH?!?!?!?!?
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"it should've just been me instead..."
#knuckle sandwich#my art#hello I haven't posted any knux stuff in almost a year sdfghjk#anyway I'm here to deliver on angst!#protag not wanting to deal with the trauma of killing mystery man in selfdefense#so they're thinking how they'd rather be the one to get killed so they wouldn't have to deal with the mental anguish aftermath of it all
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this old japanese dude is so me:
the court ruled against him despite him literally being right, smfh. I feel you though, hoji takahashi. respect ✊
#langblr#americanization#japanese#the one who wrote this blogpost I screenshotted didn't agree with takahashi either which just... UGH#why are you booing him? he's right#I feel mental anguish just from all the english loanwords I'm forced to spell out on duolingo ffs#imagine having to hear them every day like takahashi#I would go insane#I'm also feeling mental anguish about the same thing happening here in sweden#maybe I should do like takahashi and-- idk.. sue SVT?#no. I need to go to the root of the problem#I should sue svenska akademiens ordlista AND the school system#let's fuckin do this#(I sound like I'm joking but I'm literally serious)#(language preservation is no laughing matter)
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People like this have made me terrified that I am mischaracterizing my favorite character by playing into his strengths and emphasizing them so much... That I'm making things "too anime", "too over-the-top", and by doing that straying away from the groundedness that made the character compelling in the first place... But I think it's better to be a fan who loves someone so much they're willing to step into goofy over-the-top showcases of strength and morals out of love than being a fake fan who only ever rags on what they proclaim is so dear to them. I dunno. I don't think I'm wrong in saying that. I'm hella insecure when it comes to my own writing, especially with this guy because I want to do him as much justice as I possibly can as a writer. But I have to convince myself that it's not too much.
#logs#it doesn't help that i've been exposed to a lot of bad writing and cynical critique in general‚ so i'm even more fearful...#but i think the cure for that is to just... read more‚ and read with an honest heart#i don't know... i feel like i have a lot of growth to do as a person‚ as a reader and writer before i can execute this to the level where it#can truly be considered a masterpiece. grounded‚ yet not so. over-the-top in every way while also providing meaningful critique and#commentary on the nature of humanity. gutwrenching dialogue packed neatly with the most insane displays of asskicking. commentary on how war#is cruel and bad and only sows misery contrasted with the coolest battle scenes you have ever seen. these are the essence of the things i#love‚ and i want to be able to channel that through my own writing as well. it's the only way to do justice to the source material‚ the only#way to truly pay a tribute to the things that i love.#now that i am free‚ i can finally become more cultured... read more books‚ watch more films‚ inhale old mecha anime... it's what i've always#dreamed of doing#i just need to undo the mental shackles of ''i cannot do this right now''... i can. i finally can. i just need to let my mind catch up to#that. give it a little push along the way#once that's done... the journey begins.#i anguish a lot over the fact that my writing is locked in a tomb for the next decade... but sometimes‚ like now‚ i think‚ hey‚ maybe that#isn't so bad. imagine how many movies you can watch in those ten years... good movies‚ bad ones‚ exceptional ones... i'll have grown so much#as a writer by that point in time because i'll have learned the ''how'' part of what i want to write. i have the ''what'' already‚ and a#general idea of ''how''‚ but... ten years from now‚ i'll be able to write everything in a way that truly makes my eyes shine#a rare moment of me being hopeful for the future... i cherish it as those don't last very long in my life. i more often tend to despair#(cursed be the chemical disbalance!)#but yeah. there is a lot to look forward to despite the hardships. sure it would've been nice to just... have it all here‚ but... that's not#the world i live in. and maybe this one isn't so bad‚ either.#i have my box of scraps. now i just need to make it out of the cave.#the deadliest type of man is one with motivation and a purpose. right?
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while i do love the concept of the batfam meeting a de-aged bruce pre-jeremiah, i think i love the concept of them meeting him mid-jeremiah best
#the absolute mental anguish in this orphan would make him prime adoption material if he wasn't literally their dad#g!bruce meets batfam#i guess that's what i'm making the tag be for when i post abt this + related topics then#jeremiah is just a whole 'nother level#rn i'm at the part where the bridges just went down and WOW#yeah all of gotham prolly knows bruce is batman with how he just went out beating up bad guys on rooftops with no mask#no mask no fear no secret identity#bruce right after accepting his fate as the dark knight!!! i love it#i love this boy#gotham!batman#gotham!bruce wayne#gotham tv show#gotham#joker#the joker#jeremiah valeska#jerome valeska#bruce wayne#gotham!bruce#gotham!bruce in regards to the rest of the extended batman universe is what i so wholeheartedly crave atm#stole that tag straight off my last one but i prefer the shorter tag more for typing purposes#gotham tv#gotham tv series#tv: gotham
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me: MY HAIRLINE IS RECEDING OH NO OH FUCK
also me: full time student (worth noting i wrote stupid here at first without realizing), 20-30 hours in customer service every week, teaching myself 3/4 classes, teaching myself advanced algebra with a teacher (basically just a proctor) who shuts down any/all asks for help, juggling college financial woes, navigating dying relationships/people abandoning and/or attacking me bc i don't have time for things i used to anymore, none of my hobbies are making me happy when and if i have time for them,, i have no time for myself, i'm on my second all-nighter this week, i'm perpetually exhausted in a way sleep isn't fixing, my body aches because i'm so tired, and i'm barely able to stay asleep when i do get the chance bc the anxiety wakes me up
my hairline: two hops this time!
#i'm so stressed man#sehtoast rambles#sehtoast vents? fuck if i know#i just feel like i can't get ahead#i used to be able to get all my shit done by friday and have the bulk of the weekend to myself#but that's not doable at all this term#i just had a whole ass mental breakdown over fucking homework#like i'm almost grateful T made it near impossible for me to cry bc like#i was going to have a whole sobbing crying breakdown and at least i only had to feel the mental and physical anguish of it instead#it's 3am and i just made coffee so i can do the rest of my work#luckily the last two are super little in comparison but#i can't keep doing 30 pages of notes with 10 pages of homework and a 40 question 'quiz' for math#on top of making like 7 excel spreadsheets a week#not including the 50 page readings for management plus the 50 questions that follow and the writing assignments#i'm so glad my ids class is easy. dr s is my personal jesus christ for being so gentle with her students#idk i'm just... really not doin well rn#at all#idk if anyone read this far in#if you did ily and appreciate you
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Oh how I wish to shatter myself into 10 pieces so I can create art for all the things fighting for a crumb of attention in my head
#so is the fate of a multi fandom artist who also has 5 relevant oc worlds#I can't draw naruto art when homestuck creepypasta hxh haikyuu and ocs are waiting for their turn#and I can't stick to only one#this is causing me so much mental anguish and on top of that art block#what makes it even worse is that I'm in the middle of exam season#how can I focus of uni assignments when I have Dave Strider and Hidan jumping around my gray matter?#I'm fighting not writing an essay number 876328 on how sectors of otherworldly creatures work in my main story#on the other hand maybe I should make a side blog for my ocs and their world even though no one cares about them
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https://www.tumblr.com/wiltedprayers/768800598996975616/honestly-if-you-went-by-the-original-scripts-the I want to say this is the “book accurate” quote I was talking about, but also coming back to this post it’s so interesting to me how script! Sledge and Leckie both have explicit “god has forsaken me” moments, while that’s less clear in the show
(linked post.) Thank you! Those excerpts are fascinating--I do understand why they might've chosen not to go the explicit hallucination route, but knowing how well they handled the hospital island episode does make me wish they had filmed some of these.
#also really brings home that people who write even baller tv scripts cannot necessarily write. uh. prose.#the pacific#but in all seriousness i do think the hallucinations could've come off as corny or insincere if not done right and i respect the decision#to not go there#and i think the show does do an excellent job of showing the mental strain and anguish that these men went through so#they achieved the objectives regardless#but i'm definitely even more interested in reading the full scripts now
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computer how do i download mutuals on my phone for offline use
#currently i'm in the Middle Of Nowhere#the internet goes out every 5 secs#and i'm fighting The Horrors because i woke up 4am to travel#tried to take a nap but it backfired and ended up conjuring my worst enemy Headac#news flash neighborhood favourite mutual going through mental anguish send him strength in these trying times 🙏#qrevo.txt
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ahhhh I'm so lonely
#hey look your friends are soooo happy they're having a great time but#you can't have what they have because you're too disgusting and no one wants you. we all hate you#i. really wish I could be in a relationship of any kind#almost all my friends are in a relationship of some sorts and it's making me. incredibly jealous that they're able to find#someone who actually wants to be with them...#I've been forcing myself to not think about this as much but when I do it really causes mental anguish for me and I want to cry#i just don't understand why I'll never be able to have what others have. why I'm always a choice farthest away from getting picked#it feels as if the world is rubbing it in too. like and it's like that for every type of#relationship. why is it so fuckijg hard for me to be loved like that. why can't I hold hands or ramble to someone like they can#it feels cruel but it also feels like it's my fault for existing and having wants.
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😭💔
#the problem is that I tend to extrapolate things from the beginning.#I have a serious crush. I would date him if he asked. heck I think I'd marry him.#and then we get to the massive#overwhelming ISSUE:#having kids is genuinely my worst nightmare. I'm not exaggerating in any way. being pregnant and having kids is my worst fear.#so because of that I cannot get married and thus I cannot date and thus#I can't allow myself to be in love with this guy.#which then leads to mental anguish bc I sometimes wonder if God isn't doing something here#but in the end I can't have... any of this. because I'm too utterly averse to having children#and that's kind of the end result of any of it#ugh#why did I have to have this crisis (again) over my morning coffee.... alas
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