#I'M GLAD YOU THOUGHT OF ME... i feel like she's snuck up on me again in a way i didn't expect | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

wintrwinchestr · 1 month ago

Text

strangers | part 4

summary: you never would've snuck out of bed last night if you had known it would lead to this—becoming a pawn in joel's sick, depraved game, playing the role of both victim and accomplice. how can the sparing of your life feel so much like a death sentence? how can you ever forgive yourself when your hands are as soaked in innocent blood as his are? how can the kind, gentle man you thought you loved, turn out to be such a monster?

!!PLEASE READ WARNINGS, THIS IS A VERY DARK FIC!!

I've tried to label this fic as detailed and as boldly as possible. I will not be held responsible or bullied off the internet if you choose to read this potentially upsetting/triggering work of fiction anyway.

warnings: joel miller x f!reader, 18+, smut, age gap (reader is college-aged, joel is mid-50s), no outbreak au, serial killer!joel, dark!joel, !!GRAPHIC!! DESCRIPTION OF MURDER AND BLOOD, NON-CON PIV (gonna say rape just in case, reader does not verbally consent), JOEL IS A SICK FREAK WHO GETS OFF ON KILLING, lying/gaslighting, manipulation, stalking, heavy dose of Joel POV, fingering, pussy slapping, edging, breathplay, degrading language used in an unsexy way, consumption of blood, Joel comes on your face, brief mention of somnophilia, reader has hair long enough to grab, reader can be carried by joel, development of stockholm syndrome, pet names (baby, darlin', babydoll, sweetheart), story inspired by "preacher's daughter" by ethel cain, vaguely set in the 70s, please respectfully let me know if i missed anything and i will rectify the tags

word count: 11.5k

a/n: this is a dark one, folks. if i haven't lost you already, i might lose you after this one. if this is the stop you get off on, i'm okay with that :) thanks for coming along for the ride. we've still got places to go from here, i'll be glad if you do decide to stick around. i feel very fortunate that the conversation around this story has been positive and respectful and i look forward to keeping it that way <3

divider by @saradika

series masterlist/moodboard

read this chapter on ao3

The office looks so different in the daylight.

The key to the room you’ve been staying in is still the only one missing from the corkboard, but the previously empty coffee pot is now half-full of this morning’s brew, and the ominous ticking of the clock is now mostly drowned out by the sounds of an afternoon football game, playing loudly on the television in the little lounge.

Joel has only let go of your hand twice since you left town—once to help you up into the truck, and once to help you climb back down. Your fingers have remained interlocked otherwise, even while he was driving, even right now, as you stand in front of the desk and wait for somebody to respond to the sharp sound of the little golden bell reverberating throughout the room. Joel hits his fingers against the top of it again, with a little more agitated force this time, but still, no answer.

“I know this ain’t a five star joint or nothin’, but goddamn…” Joel grumbles, leaning around to peer into the room where, by the sounds of it, a touchdown has just been made. “Hey, buddy! Lil’ help in here?” He shouts, and the sudden intensity of his voice makes you jump. The volume of the game diminishes almost immediately, and a scrawny-looking teenage boy emerges from the lounge, wiping Cheeto dust onto his jeans.

“Sorry about that, sir. Eagles game, you know?” the boy tries to jest, but Joel only hums in response. “Anyway, what can I help you guys with?”

“Was wonderin’ if you might know anythin’ about a girl named Chrissy who was workin’ the night shift in here last night?”

“Chrissy? Sure, she’s pretty new around here, but I’ve worked the mornings after her a few times… Why do you ask? Is she in some kinda trouble?”

Not yet, she isn’t.

“Nah, nah, nothin’ like that,” Joel reassures, then maneuvers you to stand in front of him. “Quite the opposite, actually. She helped my lil’ girl out last night when she wasn’t feelin’ too well. We’re awfully grateful to her, ain’t we, sweetheart?” He prompts, nudging you in the back.

You nod, but keep your head down, fiddling with the hem of your dress.

“Oh! That’s right. She, uh, left a note on the coffee table in there, saying something about keeping an eye on the girl staying here, and the, um…” You flick your eyes upwards as the boy’s sentence trails off, and watch him look Joel up and down once, swallowing hard. “Yeah, just the girl. Guess that was you, huh?” You avert your gaze again quickly when he addresses you, feeling your pulse quicken in panic.

“Mhm, sure was,” Joel answers for you. “That was awfully… kind of her, bein’ so concerned like that. Anyway, we just thought we’d stop by, see if she was around so we could give her a proper ‘thank you’, but I take it she ain’t here anymore? Any idea where she might be this time o’ day?”

The boy expels a sigh, tapping his fingers on top of the counter while he thinks. “I mean, I don’t know her too well… But I know she’s got another job at this bar down the road, The Rattler Room. I think she trades her nights between that place and here, wouldn’t be surprised if she’s got a shift there later tonight.”

“Well, how ‘bout that,” Joel says, clapping his hands on either one of your upper arms. “Guess we know what we’re doin’ about dinner tonight, don’t we, sweetheart?” Goosebumps raise on your skin even in the warmth of the office, and a nauseous feeling swirls in the pit of your belly. You feel somewhat fortunate that Joel wasn’t actually looking for a response from you, because if you were to open your mouth right now, you can’t guarantee that the minimal contents of your stomach wouldn’t come spilling out all over the muddy-colored carpeting. You would’ve never gotten out of bed last night, never tiptoed into this suffocating little room and asked the friendly-looking freckle-faced girl for help with your stupid idea—or hers, as Joel seems to think—if you had known that you would be putting more than just your own life at risk. You know what’s coming next, why Joel wants to hunt her down and stalk her like the predator that he is, and it’s all your fault.

“Let’s get goin’ now, baby. Thanks for your help, son, ‘s much appreciated.” Joel grabs hold of your hand again as he leads you out the door, and you nearly trip over the threshold as he tugs you across it.

He has a sick kind of spring in his step as he drags you back to the room, licking his chops and wearing an amused expression as he shucks off his boots and collapses onto the bed with a groan. You stand at the foot of the bed, frozen, as he grabs the remote off the bedside table and flicks the little square television to life.

“Whaddyou wanna watch, babydoll, huh? Signal’s kinda spotty out here, but one’a these channels has gotta be playin’ an old Western or somethin’...” You just blink at him, dumbfounded, watching him surf through the staticky channels as if the previous five minutes had never happened. Joel had just started the countdown on the remainder of Chrissy’s life right before your eyes, and all he wants to do now is… kick his feet up and watch some fucking TV?

“What do you mean, ‘what do I wanna watch’?” You ask, unable to hide the disconcerted edge in your voice.

“Baby, it ain’t a difficult question. Gotta kill time somehow, don’t we?” Joel turns his head in your direction as he addresses you, but otherwise keeps his eyes glued to the television screen, which now seems to be stuck on a snowy channel filling the room with loud, unsettling white noise. “God—dammit,” he curses, smacking the remote against the palm of his hand a few times. Your stomach churns both at the way he beats the inanimate object for its disobedience, and at his ironic choice of idiom.

“Kill time until… what?”

Joel looks up at you from under his lashes, halfway rolling his eyes at you before giving up on his endeavor altogether and clicking the TV screen into darkness again. “Did you think I was just makin’ shit up last night? You’re gonna bring her to me. Not right now, ‘course. Later, when the sun goes down, we’ll head on over to that bar. I’ll buy you some dinner or whatever kinda shitty food they have, but dessert’s on you, you get me?”

Your vision starts to go a little dark around the edges, and you feel unsteady on your feet as the grim reality sets in that he wasn’t just prattling off some depraved fantasy to you last night, he wants to make it real. He wants to spear a hook through your abdomen and cast you out to sea, dangle you in front of something empathetic and pretty and fragile and lure her straight into his gaping jaw. You can hardly live with yourself as it is, the way you’ve already been so consumed with survivor’s guilt for the past twenty four hours that you can feel the physical weight of it on your soul. But actually being responsible for adding another girl to his collection, your hands just as soaked in her blood as his would be? It will fucking break you. It won’t just be the images of the polaroids that will haunt you, it’ll be the shattering sounds of their screams, the metallic scent of their blood, the nauseating visions of their contorted bodies that will be your own tangible memories now, seared onto the backs of your eyelids because you were there. You’ll never get a decent night’s sleep for the rest of your life, and you won’t deserve one.

“But… you—we can’t take her. It can’t be her.”

Joel sits back against the headboard, crossing his arms, like he wants to see where you’re going with this. “No? Why not, babydoll?”

You cross your arms back at him, widening your stance in order to look more sure of yourself. “Well… That kid. He saw our faces, right? When Chrissy doesn’t show up here again tomorrow night, the police will question him, and he’ll tell them that we were asking about her. They’ll know we had something to do with it.”

Joel scoffs. “Yeah? Well, maybe they will. Then what’re they gonna do about it, hm? Two of us’ll be long gone by the time tomorrow night rolls around.” He knocks down your logic as easily as he would a house of cards, and you can’t think of anything else to say that might be able to convince him not to do this. The thought of it alone is like a drop of blood in the water, and once he’s gotten a whiff of it, there’s nothing you can do to stop the frenzy.

“B-but—”

“But what, sweetheart? How long d’you think I’ve been doin’ this, hm? Think I don’t know the rules of the game by now?”

He has a point. Joel has managed to evade capture for this long, surely he isn’t going to start slipping up now. He probably has his ritual down to a science, knowing exactly which type of girl to take, the right place to get the job done, and how long he can stick around for afterwards before his face shows up as a crude drawing on the evening news. The only thing on his mind now is the exciting prospect of being able to get his rocks off in just a few hours, while yours is running a mile a minute thinking about the lifetime of trauma and guilt you’ll be setting yourself up for if you do this, how many different ways it can go wrong, and what could happen to you if it does.

“Here, c’mere, baby,” Joel beckons, spreading his legs and patting his hand on the mattress between them. “You’re thinkin’ too much about this. Lemme show you how easy it’s gonna be, hm?”

He raises his brows at you when you don’t obey immediately, and you reluctantly crawl onto the creaky bed toward where Joel’s toned arms are reaching out to you. He grabs onto your waist when you get close enough and pulls you against him, situating you so that your back is pressed against his front. He wraps his arms around your middle, and rests his scruffy chin on your shoulder.

“You remember passin’ that bar on our way into town today, don’t you, babydoll? Had a big ol’ neon sign out front, a bright green rattlesnake waggin’ its tail back ‘n forth?”

“Um…” You close your eyes, trying your best to sift through the memories of everything you had seen during the drive. But it’s proving difficult, especially with the way one of Joel’s rough hands is sliding down your belly, finding its way underneath your dress and settling overtop of your panties. He begins to circle his middle finger around your clothed bud, and you hate the way it makes your breath hitch.

“C’mon, think for me, sweetheart. You remember, don’t you?” Joel prompts, a condescendingly teasing lilt in his voice.

A blur of neon green streaks across the backs of your eyelids, and you do remember, kind of. A divey looking place with a few motorcycles and pickup trucks parked out front, relatively isolated and unassuming aside from its kitschy signage.

“Mhm,” you hum, and it comes out more like a whimper. “I… I remember.”

Joel’s swirling finger picks up its pace, increasing the pressure against your clit as he continues to quiz you. “Yeah… And a few miles down past it, there was that abandoned lookin’ lil’ neighborhood, right? Houses were ‘bout fallin’ apart, all the yards were real overgrown… You remember?”

This, you can picture more clearly. It had reminded you of your own starved out hometown, every street lined with boxy two-story houses covered in peeling paint and climbing vines. Some of the homes so decrepit-looking, with their crumbling foundations and boarded up windows, and yet still with an assortment of sun-bleached children’s toys littering the front porch, a wind-chime still singing even if nobody was around to hear it anymore.

All you can do is nod in conformation, too afraid to make any more noises that might sound like you’re actually enjoying this, like it feels good, like you want him to keep going. Fuck.

“That’s where we’re gonna do it, baby. So you gotta listen real carefully, okay? Gonna tell you the plan, ‘n I want you to repeat it back to me, alright? Can you do that, babydoll?” Joel tugs your panties to the side as he questions you, exposing your damp core to the air conditioned room. “Fuck, look at that…” He muses, now using two of his fingers to spread your puffy lips apart and admire the way they glisten.

“Uh huh, I… I can,” you confirm breathily.

Joe’s fingers travel downwards, focusing their ministrations around the rim of your leaky hole instead. “Here’s what we’re gonna do, sweetheart… Gonna head down there, park the truck ‘round the side. I’ll give ya some cash to go sit up at the bar, ‘n I’ll hang around in the back, keep an eye on you… You’re gonna chat up lil’ miss Chrissy, tell her all about how I snatched you up, made you mine, won’t let you leave my side… You’re gonna use your manners all pretty ‘n nice, and ask her to please, please take you back home, help you get away from that big, scary, mean old man who hurts you so bad—“ He presses a thick finger inside your opening, and you can’t help but moan at the burning intrusion. “Just don’t tell her how much you like it, huh, babydoll?”

“Y-you… You want me to tell h-her… All of that?” You ask, confused that Joel would instruct you to tell her the truth, when so far, he’s been hellbent on hiding from the world who he truly is, only bearing his teeth when provoked, like a caged animal.

“Mhm, want you to tell her the truth, sweetheart, everything. Not like she’ll be able to do anythin’ about it later, hm?” Joel grabs onto your chin with his unoccupied hand, and shakes your head for you. “No, she won’t. Tha’s right, baby…” He laughs darkly, and you understand his intent now—to taunt you with an opportunity to finally be able to ask for help, to force you to pantomime what could be a real chance at escape, knowing that nothing will come of it. Joel begins to piston his finger in and out of you, and he holds you tightly against him as you squirm and sob.

“You’re gonna work your magic on her, and she’ll take such pity on you, sweet lil’ lamb that you are, of course she’ll take you back home… You’re gonna give her directions to that row of houses, have her take you all the way down to the one at the very end of the street, ‘n I’ll be followin’ close behind in the truck the whole time. Two of you’ll get outta the car, and then—” He sinks a second finger into your warmth alongside the other one, and you make a pained little noise at the stretch, arching your back against him. “Then I get to have my fun,” he snarls into your ear.

You didn’t realize how much tension you’d been holding in your body until now, until Joel had begun using his skillful fingers to render it all down, along with any rational thought you’d had left. You want to fight, want to spit and bite and scratch and push yourself away from him and never let him touch you there again, but you can’t. Your limbs feel weaker and weaker as the muscles in your abdomen draw tighter and tighter, and all you can do is melt against him, let him siphon out all that worry and pain and trauma and replace it with pleasure, at least just for a little while. You’ll grapple with yourself about it later.

You can feel the rumble of Joel’s voice against the skin of your neck, but you don’t register what he says, too consumed by your own pleasure to hear him. You just continue to mindlessly buck into the movements of his fingers, until he yanks them free from your walls and issues a sharp slap to your aching cunt.

“I said, repeat it,” Joel hisses, and you yelp at the sting, your hips stuttering as they continue to chase after nothing.

“S-sorry, ‘m sorry, Joel, please—” You pant.

“You want me to keep goin’? You wanna come? Then repeat it back to me, babydoll, all of it, or I ain’t givin’ you shit. Need to know that you understand, that I can send you out there to bring me some fresh meat and you ain’t gonna fuck it up.”

“Okay, okay, okay, um… Fuck—” you curse as Joel slowly reinserts his fingers, resuming their beckoning motion against that spongey spot deep inside that makes you dizzy. “I-I’m gonna… Tell her… About you…”

“Uh huh, tha’s right… What about me, baby?” He encourages, his fingers working their way back up to the pace they had been moving at before he had deprived you of them.

You try to wade through the dense cloud of fog in your mind, your ability to think slowing down as the heel of his palm stimulates your clit with each rhythmic thrust. “T-that you, um… That you took me, you h-hurt me. And I’m gonna ask her to… To take me home—” “Good, good girl…” Joel praises. “Doin’ such a good job, almost there, babydoll. What comes next, hm?”

You take in a shuddering breath, closing your eyes tightly as you force your brain to recall the steps he had just walked you through. “I make her d-drive me to, um… To that house—”

“Which one, baby? Lots’a houses on that street, which one did I say?” Joel stills his movements, holding your pleasure hostage while he waits for your answer. You try desperately to twist around in his hold and continue to chase after your high, but his grip around your jaw remains ironclad.

“The one on the… The corner?”

Slap.

“Ain’t what I fuckin’ said. You think I want everybody drivin’ by to be able to hear her fuckin’ screams? Try again.”

You cry out, your abused little hole constricting around nothing. You dredge the depths of your short term memory, desperate to come up with the right answer.

“At the end! T-the one at the end,” you shout, and you’re rewarded with the replacement of his fingers, petting against your walls with just the right amount of speed and force that he knows will have you seeing stars with just a few more strokes.

“There we go… And what’s the last thing I said, sweetheart, hm? Last thing I need you to do…”

You draw a blank, your head filled with nothing other than almost there, keep going, please, please, please. You whine, bracing yourself for another swat to your sensitive cunt as you force yourself to admit, “I-I don’t… Don’t remember.”

Slap.

A debauched, animalistic cry leaves your lips, one that you can’t bring yourself to feel embarrassed of at the moment. “Yes you do, baby. Not gonna let you gush all over my fuckin’ fingers ‘less you tell me. Think. Can’t do shit if the two’a you get to the house and just twiddle your thumbs in the car, can I?”

“N-no, I gotta… Get her out of the car… Right? Is that it?” You’re heaving, completely breathless and covered in the dampness of your own sweat and arousal. At this point, you think you’ll say whatever the fuck he wants to hear if it means he’ll reinsert his fingers and finally let you fall over the edge.

“That’s right, sweetheart…” The hand that was gripped onto your jaw migrates downwards, wrapping itself around your neck. He presses his thumb and forefinger into either one of your pulse points, and you feel like you’re floating as he resumes the movements of his soaked fingers, drawing your orgasm closer and closer to the surface again. “One last thing… Tell me what I’m gonna do to her, hm? Then you can come, baby,” Joel growls, and you can feel him pressing his hard length into your back as he does.

His voice sounds muffled, like it’s coming from underwater, but it resonates clearly enough for you to understand what he’s commanding of you. A whine forces its way through your constricted throat as you plead, “D-don’t make me, please just—” “Say it, or you’re gonna be watchin’ me do it with an achy, unsatisfied cunt leakin’ all over the fuckin’ floor. ‘S that what you want?”

You don’t want to watch him do it at all. A more sensible part of your brain knows that this is all so wrong, that it’s sick and horrifying and completely deplorable, but the pleasure-seeking part of it doesn’t really care right now. Joel is playing with you like a doll, pulling your strings and posing your limbs as he molds you into his perfect victim. He’s breaking you down, slowly but surely, and although you can feel it happening in real time, he’s proven to you time and time again how defenseless you are to his manipulation, how just a few gentle words and swirls of his fingertips can have you falling apart against him, so that he can put you back together just a little bit differently than you were before.

“N-no,” you whimper ashamedly.

“Then say it.”

You swallow, and you can feel the cartilage at the front of your throat moving against his hand as you do. “You’re gonna… Kill her,” you rasp through half-full lungs, the words hardly meaning anything to you at all with how close your release is, being dangled in front of you just barely out of reach.

“Sure fuckin’ am,” Joel growls through gritted teeth. “Gonna enjoy every second of it, too, ‘s been so goddamn long. ‘M fuckin’ starvin’ for it, babydoll, you got no idea… Can’t wait to watch that lil’ bitch bleed.”

You ignore his perverted rambling to the best of your ability, the rocking of your hips becoming more spastic as the movements of Joel’s fingers increase in intensity, alongside his own excitement.

“C-can I… Please, Joel—” you beg hoarsely, your own voice sounding distorted and far away as you fuck yourself on his hand.

“Yeah, babydoll, come for me, such a perfect fuckin’ girl…”

Both of Joel’s hands maintain their pressure as the knot in your belly tightens, then unravels all at once. You come undone on his fingers, the motel room filling with the obscene sounds of your wetness and your pathetic mewling as you drench Joel’s hand. He shushes and praises you through your climax, his fingers only ceasing their onslaught once your twitching body finally relaxes and slumps against his broad form.

Your skin feels cool, tingly all over as the blood rushes back into your head. Joel pulls you into his lap, bending your knees close to your body so that he can cradle you like a child. You must be crying again, because he’s using his knuckle to wipe moisture from underneath your eyes as you shudder against him, reality coming crashing down around you again all at once.

“You’re so good for me, baby, such a good girl… It’s gonna be just fine, you’ll see. It’ll get easier every time we do this, won’t seem so scary anymore…” Joel rubs your back and kisses the top of your head, and you let him believe that you are crying for fear of the brutality you’ll have to bear witness to tonight, and not because you’ve dared to feel pleasure at the hands of the person who will be doing the brutalizing. You feel so fucking ashamed in your post-orgasmic state, but you’re so dehydrated and exhausted that you don’t really have enough energy to scold yourself right now.

Joel holds you close as he rocks your curled-up form, and you feel too weak to resist the way your eyes begin to flutter closed, the release of tension making way for your poor night’s sleep to finally catch up with you.

“Get some rest, babydoll, gonna need it. I’ll wake you up when it’s time to go,” is the last thing you hear before you allow yourself to succumb to the temptation of sleep.

—

You were never supposed to find those polaroids.

Could Joel have taken the precaution of dumping his box of jerkoff material into a ditch somewhere before you could ever get the chance to find it on your own? Of course. But he didn’t know if he might need it again, if he might someday find himself with another itch that only his little collection of keepsakes could scratch. He had kept them hidden from you for a reason, tried to toss them in the trash and convince you that they weren’t worth getting curious about for a reason—because things were going perfectly well, better than it had gone with any of them. Joel had never planned on adding your photo to the pile.

He had known you were different, that you were the one, from that very first night you’d spent together. You’d been nothing but polite, grateful, and appreciative, even when he’d slid beside you in bed and stolen a taste of all that sweetness you were made of.

His whole life, Joel has searched for someone like you—someone to submit to him, to rely on him, to need him. That latter trait is the most important one, and the one that all the others seemed to be lacking. They liked feeling cared for and protected, liked bleeding his wallet dry while they spent a few weeks using him as some kind of rebellious experiment to piss off their parents one last time before they moved out of the house. But none of them ever made it very long before they decided that they didn’t really need him after all, that the fling was over, that the spark was gone, that they missed the shitty town he had picked them up from and wanted to be taken back. Ungrateful brats, they all fucking deserved it. And now they never get to go home, they get to rot in the fucking ground where their families will never find them, and he gets to keep their pretty pictures all to himself, asserting his control over them even in death. See how much they fucking need him now, when he is the one thing standing in between a cold case and a funeral.

Joel had known you wouldn’t end up like them, because you do need him. You have nobody, whether you’ll ever be able to admit it to yourself or not. You have no friends, no future, and no family, or at least not any left alive that actually care about you. You have no choice but to rely on him. Who knows what would’ve happened to you if he hadn’t stumbled upon you that night, looking so weak and lost and vulnerable and alone? There are much worse men than Joel out there, men who rape and kill just for the sick pleasure of it alone. At least Joel has some method behind his madness. It’s not like he’d invite a girl into his truck and immediately begin to fantasize about what her windpipe might feel like collapsing underneath his fingers.

Or, he didn’t used to. Not when he first started taking them.

He’d thought the desire had just disappeared on its own, once he’d found you, his perfect little doll. Joel had meant what he said when he told you that he was going to be done after the last one. But then… Then he’d had you pinned underneath him last night, starving your lungs of air, your eyes red and watery as you’d begged for your life, and he’d realized that he missed it. He craved it. Needed it. The itch was still there after all, demanding to be scratched. But no matter how aggravating and persistent it may get, Joel had decided a long time ago that he’ll never use you to make it go away. It’ll never be you. Even when he’d had his hands wrapped around your throat, he’d never planned on finishing the job. After all, how could he ever live without you when he’d spent so long trying to find you?

And this is the one thing he needs you to understand—that he’s never letting you go. Joel had thought he’d gotten it through to you well enough last night, when he’d given you a taste of the consequences the others had suffered when they’d tried escaping. But you must be stronger than he’s been giving your credit for, judging by the way you still decided to fucking act up today with that dumbass little letter of yours. That’s okay, though. He can handle it. It just means you’ll take a little more effort to break down than he’d previously thought. If he can’t convince you that the only version of your life you were ever destined to live is the one with him in it, then he’ll just have to make you think that it’s your own idea to stay, to submit. He seems to have made some pretty good progress chipping away at your resolve today already. At this rate, he’ll have it whittled down to nothing in no time at all, and you’ll be right back to the pliant little babydoll he fell in love with all that time ago. The one who needs him.

You’ll come back around soon enough, when you finally realize that you don’t have any other choice.

So, maybe Joel is a little glad you found the polaroids. He wouldn’t have ended up here if you hadn’t, skulking around the pool table in the back of the Rattler Room, practically vibrating with anticipation and foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog. He flicks his gaze between the end of his pool cue and where you’re perched at the bar on a cracked leather stool, occasionally catching your eyes when you look back at him nervously. Joel just gives you a nod and a wink every time, and it’s enough to make you turn back around and take another sip of your drink to quell your anxiety.

You’re probably getting antsy because the two of you have been hanging around here for the better part of an hour, and Chrissy still hasn’t shown yet. But this is just one rule of the game—waiting. Patience. A predator doesn’t go in for the kill the second they lay eyes on their prey, do they? They have to study their movements, make sure they’ve got the little creature right where they want them, with their belly up or their neck exposed or their back turned, and then they pounce. You’ll learn the rules soon enough. With each of these little hunts that you accompany him on, you’ll learn. There may even come a time when you pick out the girls yourself, because you see it as an act of service, of love, satiating his hunger like this.

The next time you look back at Joel, you move like you’re about to get up from your seat and walk over to him, but he gives you a stern look that says “Stay put.” He jerks his chin upwards, toward where his pretty piece of meat is now emerging from behind the bar. Joel wonders if you believe the web of lies he’d spun about her today, if they were enough to convince you that Chrissy had taken advantage of you, that she’d manipulated you, that she deserves this. He hopes that you do, so that her death might weigh a little less on your conscience, so that you’ll put up a little less fight the next time his itch needs scratching.

God, that slender neck of hers is just begging for Joel’s blade. His upper lip twitches as he imagines the sight of her deep crimson blood dripping down her ivory-colored skin, her face becoming impossibly paler as her heart flutters out its last few beats before stopping altogether. Joel usually saves his knife for special occasions, when he needs the execution done quick and dirty before her screams wake up the entire fucking neighborhood, or in instances like his last girl, when she just needed to be put out of her fucking misery. But he might use it tonight, just because. Because he’s hungry. Because he’s so fucking hard he doesn’t think he can make himself suffer through the amount of time it takes to strangle a girl.

Joel watches from the shadows as Chrissy seems to recognize you right away, reaching for your hands across the bar as she says something to you that he can’t make out. Judging by the pitied expression she wears, the way she leans into you, he guesses it’s something like, “I’m so glad to see you. Are you okay? Are you hurt? Do you need help? Do you need me to save you from that big horrible monster who’s making your life so miserable?” Joel rolls his eyes at the imagined conversation. He sets his pool cue back on the rack and takes a seat at a small corner table, keeping his head low as he sips his beer, adjusting himself while he watches the way the tendons in Chrissy’s neck tighten and flex as she speaks. He can practically see her carotid artery pulsing underneath her skin, can already taste the iron on his tongue from the flecks of blood that will inevitably splatter onto his lips when he slices it open.

Calm the fuck down, Miller. It’ll be playtime soon enough.

The two of you talk for another minute or so, and Joel gathers that you must be reciting the lines he’d taken such care to teach you today. Chrissy’s brows furrow, her lips part, and she places one of her small hands over her chest as she listens, as if your rehearsed little sob story is just too much to bear, so tragic and devastating that it’s actually causing her physical pain to hear. She retrieves a paper napkin from underneath the bar, and hands it to you so that you can use it to dab underneath your eyes. Jesus, are you crying? You’re even better at this than he thought you’d be.

Your shoulders shudder as you finish drying your tears, and Chrissy glances behind her at the clock on the wall, pausing to think for a moment before she turns back to you. Whatever she’s saying, she looks sure of herself, determined, and you nod your head on just about every other word. “Okay?” is the only one he can read on Chrissy’s lips, the last one she says to you before she begins serving the other patrons sitting at the bar. You continue to sip at your drink with your head hung low until she disappears into the back again, and when you swivel around in your stool, Joel is already staring at you. He makes a beckoning motion with two of his fingers, and you hop down from your seat, scurrying over to him as if he were whistling at a dog to come.

“She, um…” You start, checking behind you once to make sure Chrissy is still out of sight. “She said she’ll take her first break early, in an hour or so, and then… Then she’ll drive me home.”

A satisfied grin tugs at the corner of Joel’s mouth. “Alright, ‘nother hour it is, then. That wasn’t so hard, baby, was it?”

You shake your head, avoiding eye contact while you swirl your finger around the condensation from Joel’s beer bottle that’s collected on the lacquered table. You open your mouth like you want to say something else, but close it again quickly, seeming to think better of it.

“What is it, sweetheart, hm?” Joel prompts, curling a rough hand around the back of your bare thigh.

“I just… Wish it didn’t have to be her. She’s really nice.”

So were the rest of them, Joel thinks, until they tossed him aside like a chewed piece of gum. “Nice” doesn’t mean shit to him. Lots of girls are nice. And pretty. But they all fucking sound the same when they’re begging him to stop.

Joel bites his tongue, despite his supply of faux sympathy running dangerously low, and musters up what little there is left of it in order to give you the last little push that you need. “Oh, babydoll… You shouldn’t feel bad about somebody who did you wrong sufferin’ the consequences of their actions. I know she seems nice, but she ain’t a good person, baby, I told you that already—”

“I know, but—”

“But nothin’. It’s already been done, sweetheart, you gotta stop thinkin’ about it so hard. Just get back up there, hm? Be over before you know it.”

Joel uses his grip on your thigh to spin you around, and sends you back up to the bar with a lewd swat to your ass. He stares at the way it bounces underneath the too-short skirt of your dress, and leans back in his chair as he takes another sip out of his sweating bottle.

The next “hour or so” passes at such an excruciatingly slow pace, he’s stopped himself nearly a dozen times from flagging down a waitress and requesting another beer. He’ll have to make do with just the one, if he wants to be sharp, present, so that he’ll be able to savor every moment of both the hunt and the slaughter. Joel had forgotten how exhilarating the entire process is, how arousing it is to lurk quietly in the shadows, without the little thing having any idea that he’s there, until it’s too late.

He bides most of the time by just sitting, staring, thinking. About if Chrissy will be more of a begger or a screamer, if she’ll waste any of her breath trying to plead with him and change his mind, or if she’ll just cry herself hoarse in hopes that somebody will hear her pathetic wailing and come to her rescue. Joel chuckles to himself when he remembers the one who kept insisting that “I have a boyfriend, you know. I bet he’s been looking for me, he’ll be here any minute now and he’ll fucking kill you.” Joel had doubled over laughing as he gestured around to the isolated patch of woods he’d dragged her out to, nearly pitch black and dead silent, save for the pale light of the waning moon and the sounds of her heaving sobs. “Oh, you got a boyfriend, do you? Tight lil’ virgin cunt was tellin’ me otherwise, but nice try, sweetheart,” Joel had taunted. Her photo was one of his favorites—a neck-down view of her kneeling form, featuring her chained together wrists and her filthy hands and knees, dirt-stained from how he’d taken her on the ground one last time.

Well, her first time. Whoops.

He’s got a white-knuckled grip around the neck of his empty bottle by the time he’s pulled out of his trance, the movement of two bodies up at the bar distracting him. Joel’s eyes refocus in time to see Chrissy draping her coat over your shoulders, ushering you out the back door after giving the room a once over. Not a very thorough one, considering she had basically looked right at him and didn’t seem to recognize him, but that’s more situational awareness than he can give most of the others credit for.

Too bad it won’t do her any good.

Joel feels like he’s got an electrical current pulsing through his bloodstream as he gets up from his seat, allowing the two of you a few paces’ head start before following in pursuit. He spots the flame of Chrissy’s red hair as she hurriedly helps you into the passenger side of her shitty Pinto, the door’s rusty hinges squealing loudly into the night. The back parking lot of the bar is poorly lit in contrast to the neon illumination from the rattlesnake out front, allowing Joel to slink behind Chrissy’s car and over to his own truck undetected. He situates himself behind the wheel, making sure to keep an eye on his rearview mirror as he rummages through his backpack and sets the tools he’ll need on the side of the bench seat that you usually occupy—his knife, a length of rope, and his camera.

Just like Joel had promised you earlier, he pulls out of the parking lot just behind the two of you, and keeps a close—but not suspiciously so—distance as he chugs down the poorly paved road, maintaining a speed-limit obeying pace and keeping his headlights off for good measure. He even refrains from having any music playing as he chases after you, the choice partly because he’s too dialed in to bother futzing with the tape player, and partly because he doesn’t want to risk making any noise that would raise even a modicum of suspicion, aiming to disappear into the shadows altogether for the next couple of miles.

Joel is nothing but a ghost, Death himself riding his pale horse into the silent dark, in pursuit of yet another sacrificial lamb to add to his flock. He’s lost count of just how many he has in his possession now, but he never gets tired of the way they bleat and cry and thrash as they struggle to escape his scythe. None of them ever seem to understand that they were each promised to him a long, long time ago, when Joel was already grown but they had only just been conceived. They’d been born onto a path that would eventually lead them directly into his waiting arms, where he would show them love and affection and pleasure and ecstasy and whether they were to reject his offerings or not, Joel would always take what was rightfully his, in the end.

Joel holds his breath as Chrissy’s car approaches the intersection of the rundown neighborhood, but releases it when she makes the sharp left turn that you must have directed her to take. Good girl. He turns his own wheel more slowly, creeping carefully down the road until he finds a large, overgrown shrub to tuck his truck behind, out of sight from the two little creatures now exiting the Pinto and crushing mounds of dried grass under their tentatively stepping hooves. Joel kills the truck’s engine, his teeth chattering in anticipation as he swipes his tools from the seat beside him and slides himself out from behind the wheel. He reaches behind him to slot his knife underneath his belt, then begins his prowl towards the house with the rope and camera clutched in either hand.

“No offense, but… You live here? Are you sure?” Joel hears Chrissy ask you, bending over to peer into a hole near the house’s foundation where some of the siding has rotted away.

That’s right, stay down, just like that.

Joel is only a few paces away now.

“W-well, it’s um… I h-haven’t really been here in a while, to be honest,” you respond, stuttering your way through the first lie you could think of in order to keep the charade going. You sound like you’re making it up as you say it, but that’s okay. Joel is closing in on his target now, it doesn’t matter if your trembling voice had set off the trap or not. Chrissy is already caught in it.

He’s so close he can smell the redhead’s rosy perfume that she had applied before her shift, can practically see the fine hairs raise on the back of her neck when she hears the snap of a dead tree limb coming from behind her. She lets out a little gasp, and whips her head around just in time to see Joel’s icy expression as he shoves a filthy boot into the back of her knee, making her yelp as she collapses onto all fours. Her hands scramble desperately for purchase in the thicket of dead foliage, but Joel is on her before she can regain her balance.

“Yeah, tha’s right… Down, bitch,” Joel spits, straddling her back and using his weight to push her body flat against the ground. “Hold onto this, babydoll, will ya?” He passes his camera off to you, not taking his eyes off Chrissy’s squirming form as you accept it quietly.

Joel grabs hold of Chrissy’s flailing wrists and wrenches them behind her back, squeezing her abdomen hard between his thighs as he does. “Hold fuckin’ still, ‘less you want me to break some bones while I’m at it,” he barks, but it does nothing to deter her futile efforts. She kicks and bucks and thrashes underneath him, making pathetic struggling noises as he winds the length of rope around her wrists, binding them together.

“Get the fuck off me! Help me, get him off!” She pleads with you as she yanks against the rope and writhes around in the dirt. All you do is look at her with wide, watery eyes, your chest heaving as you clutch his camera in both of your small, shaking hands. “Are you with him or something? What the fuck is this? Help me, please!” Chrissy shouts, her voice terrified and guttural.

“Yeah, somethin’ like that,” Joel growls into her ear, before pushing himself up off the ground and using his grip around the rope to pull her up with him. He wraps one arm tightly around Chrissy’s middle, and clamps the hand of the other one over her mouth. “She ain’t gonna help you, she knows better ‘n that... Did such a good job for me, sweetheart, such a good fuckin’ girl… Open the door for me so I can get her inside, now.” Joel watches the muscles in your throat constrict as you swallow hard, your eyes shifting from Chrissy’s terror-stricken ones up to Joel’s as you process his command. He smirks to himself when you do obey, the ribbons in your hair fluttering behind you as you scuttle up the stairs and wrench the door open.

Chrissy is still shrieking incessantly into the meat of Joel’s hand as he shoves her up the creaking steps, and he supposes that he has the answer now to the pondering he was doing back at the bar—screamer it is. They piss him the fuck off the most, are probably most of the reason why his hearing isn’t as good as it used to be, and why he ends up using his knife more often than he’d like. Strangling is his preferred method—it’s more intimate, more hands on in nature, and makes less of a mess—but sometimes the cleanup is worth it if it means he can get them to shut the fuck up and quit shattering his eardrums with all their annoying fucking screeching that they know won’t do them any good. He’d made a good choice, sharpening his knife earlier while you were still asleep back at the motel this afternoon. Joel wonders when you’ll notice that you’re wearing a different pair of panties than the ones he’d made you come in, having tested the sharpness of his blade by slicing them off of you before cleaning up the mess you’d made with his tongue.

Joel wrestles Chrissy inside the house, kicking broken glass and sloughed off sheets of yellowed wallpaper out of his path as he walks her into the living room. He turns his head as he instructs you to shut the door, and Chrissy uses the opportunity to bite into Joel’s palm and slam the back of her skull into his temple, hard enough to break the skin.

“Ah!—Fuckin’ bitch,” Joel hisses, forcibly shoving her onto the decaying hardwood floor. Chrissy tries to get up, but he presses the tread of his boot into her chest, keeping her down. He touches a finger to the side of his head, bringing it in front of his eyes to examine the droplet of blood that came with it, along with the indents in the flesh of his hand that are beginning to sprout little crimson beads. “Just fuckin’ askin’ for it, ain’t you?”

Joel looks over at you again, to where you’re standing with your back against the door and wearing the same deer-in-the-headlights expression as when he’d handed the camera to you. You have it clutched against your heaving chest, your eyes impossibly wide as you stare at the scene unfolding before you. He can practically see the gears turning in your brain as it cycles through the options of fight, flight, fight, flight, seeming to have landed on freeze instead. Joel observes you for a couple of seconds, waiting to see if one of your shaking hands will eventually snake its way back to the doorknob, but it doesn’t. Since you know what’s good for you, and all.

“C’mere, babydoll, where I can see you,” Joel orders, jerking his head into the room. Your eyes flutter out a few rapid blinks as you seem to shake yourself free of your petrified state, but your feet remain planted firmly underneath you. You’re standing so rigidly, with your knees locked in place, Joel is surprised you haven’t passed out yet.

“Can’t I just… wait in the truck or something? I’ll stay right there, I promise—”

“You know damn well I can’t take you up on any of your lil’ promises anymore, sweetheart. Besides, seemed awfully interested in how I do things last night, why the sudden change of heart, hm?”

You shift your weight, trying to come up with some excuse while you watch Chrissy try and fail to wriggle herself out from underneath the weight of Joel’s boot compressing her ribcage. “Just don’t do very well around b-blood, is all,” you squeak out pitifully.

Joel rolls his eyes, frustrated at the precious seconds you’re wasting by suddenly complaining about being a little squeamish.

“Well frankly, baby, I don’t really fuckin’ care. You’re gonna have to learn to get the fuck used to it, I ain’t doin’ this with you every time. Get in here. You can face the goddamn wall, but you’re stayin’ put until this is over, are we clear?”

“Y-yes, Joel, thank you,” you concede shakily. Joel’s eyes follow you as you flit across the room, nearly tripping over chunks of fallen drywall before tucking yourself into a little alcove behind the fireplace and hugging your knees to your chest.

“Alright… Where was I?” Joel ponders aloud, removing his foot from Chrissy’s chest and crouching down to her level. He grabs a fistful of her shirt collar and yanks her back up to a sitting position, looking down at his bleeding hand and sighing before harshly slapping Chrissy across the face with it. Her head whips to the side from the impact, and he grips onto her bloodied face with his injured hand to turn it back towards him again. “Y’know, I don’t take too fuckin’ kindly to feisty things like you who don’t know their goddamn place. Ain't so gentle with bratty lil’ cunts who think it’s a good idea to fight back, leave their marks on me. Am I, babydoll?” He says the latter part a little louder than the rest, brushing the forefinger of his unoccupied hand across the scar on the bridge of his nose as he speaks. You don’t respond, but he can tell that you hear him, that you know what—who—he’s referring to. “Yeah, she knows… One of her lil’ friends gave me this pretty thing, can you believe that? Suppose she gave me that pretty thing, too.” Joel chuckles to himself at his own double entendre, gesturing to where you’re cowering in the corner. “Poor thing had a friend go missin’ a while back, never knew what’d happened to her. Trail was cold, but she decided to follow it anyway. And Lord, am I glad she did, ‘cause it led her straight to me…”

Joel turns Chrissy’s head this way and that in his grip, enjoying the way she squeezes her eyes tight and flinches as she braces for another impact. She whines and whimpers as his fingernails dig into her freckled cheeks, now smeared with his orange-red fingerprints. “W-why me, then? Why not h-her, how come she gets to live? J-just take her, let me go, I won’t tell anyone,” Chrissy sobs through her teeth, hardly able to move her jaw in Joel’s firm hold. He reaches behind himself and slides his blade out from under his belt, raising it up in front of her face. Her eyes go wide as she lets out a horrified noise, thrashing against him and crying while he examines the way the sharp edge glints in the moonlight coming in from the broken windows.

“Oh, sweetheart…” Joel muses, turning over the blade in his hand a few times before looking up at Chrissy’s terrified face, his expression shifting from something wistful to something sinister, cold. “It ain’t ever gonna be her.”

Joel cranks her jaw upwards and slides his knife across her throat before she can even expel an entire scream from her lungs, the piercing tone of her voice becoming wet and garbled in just a few seconds as she chokes on her own blood. It sprays through the slit in her skin, some of it splattering across Joel’s face and landing on his lips, before coming out as a steadier stream that spills down her pale neck and dribbles from the corners of her mouth. Joel watches on as she convulses and gags, her eyes rolling back into her skull before becoming dead weight in Joel’s grip, and she collapses onto her side when he finally lets go of her jaw, still agape with a silent wail. Her muscles spasm as she bleeds out, the ruby-colored liquid pooling underneath her head and saturating the ends of her auburn hair. Joel licks his lips clean as her wound pulses in time with the beating of her heart, the rhythm becoming slower and slower before fizzling out altogether. It only takes a minute or so for her body to still completely, her gurgling breaths eventually morphing into the death rattle that he’s come to recognize so well. Joel swipes his bloodied blade across his tongue before sheathing it under his belt again, glancing over to where you’re now rocking back and forth, your spine hitting against the fireplace’s stone structure with dull little thumps.

He stalks over to you, ignoring the startled yelp you make as he grips onto your upper arm and drags you to where Chrissy’s cooling corpse is lying in the center of the room. Just like he had done to her earlier, he pushes you onto your stomach and straddles your hips. Only this time, he rucks up the skirt of your dress and yanks your panties to the side, swiftly freeing his painfully hard cock from the confines of his jeans and slotting into you with nothing more than a mouthful of his own saliva to help him ease inside. “Oh, f-fuck, Jesus fuckin’ Christ,” he moans, gripping one hand onto your hip and using the other—the one with a still-bleeding bite mark—to press the side of your head into the filthy hardwood, so that you’re facing Chrissy’s glazed-over expression while he takes and takes and takes. He doesn’t have it in him to be gentle with you, blinded by adrenaline and arousal as he uses you to get himself off.

“God, you’re so fuckin’ tight when you’re scared,” Joel snarls, snapping his hips into your backside with such force that the clap of skin-on-skin echoes loudly throughout the empty house, nearly drowning out the sounds of your cries. You’ve got your hands splayed out on either side of your head, having dropped Joel’s camera when he’d forced you into a prone position. You make a disgusted gagging noise when the expanding pool of Chrissy’s blood reaches your fingertips, but you can’t pull away with Joel’s body weight holding you in place. You shut your eyes tightly as you sputter and sob, but Joel won’t allow that. He pulls you up onto your knees, pressing you against him and prying your eyes open as he holds your head up by a fistful of your hair. “No, no hidin’ from this, babydoll. You fuckin’ look at her… I do this for you, baby, you see? So that it won’t be you. I just get so fuckin’ hungry, I can’t help myself. I can’t fuckin’ stop. But as long as I live, I swear it’ll never be you. That’s why it’s them instead. You understand, sweetheart? I love you, babydoll, I love you so fuckin’ much.” Joel mumbles the last bit into the supple skin of your neck, sloppily kissing and biting into your flesh, until he isn’t sure to whom the iron taste that fills his mouth belongs anymore.

He gropes and grabs all over your pliant body, grunting curses into your wet skin while he uses your tight, warm hole like a toy. He’s practically been edging himself for the past several hours, starting from when he’d rubbed circles around your swollen clit and used the reward of your own pleasure to manipulate you into doing his dirty work. Joel is surprised he didn’t cream his jeans before now, the release of finally pouncing on his prey and the taste of her blood on his tongue almost enough to make him come untouched. His hips begin to stutter only a handful of thrusts later, but instead of allowing himself to spill inside you like he had last night, he slides himself free of your walls and maneuvers you onto your back, reaching for his camera.

“Smile pretty for me, babydoll,” Joel says, holding the viewfinder up to his eye while he jerks himself off over your used body, his knees planted on either side of your ribcage. The dazed expression you wear looks enough like a smile to satisfy him, and he snaps a photo as he paints your face with his come. Thick white ropes splatter against your skin, already smeared with the blood from his hand and the filth from the neglected floorboards, and you look like the most gorgeous fucking thing he’s ever seen—his perfect doll, his fallen angel, his most precious and favorite lamb, the love of his fucking life. “Startin’ a new collection today, darlin’, since I got rid of the other one… This’ll be the perfect one to start it out.” Joel removes the blank polaroid from the slot, and sets it back down along with the camera to give the image time to develop. He sits back on his haunches as he catches his breath, running his bloodied hands through his damp hair and zipping his spent cock back inside his jeans. Joel stares down at you while you blink slowly, looking ruined with your tangled hair spread out on the floor and your hands resting up by your ears in surrender. Your breathing is slow, shallow, and he trusts that he can leave you there to come back into yourself while he takes care of Chrissy’s body.

Joel pushes himself back up to his feet with a groan, his knees cracking and aching in protest, and he walks around the first level of the house, peeking into different rooms until he finds one that used to function as a bedroom. There isn’t much left inside, but the wrought iron bed frame still has a moldy sheet draped haphazardly over the mattress. He yanks it free and bunches it up in his arms, carrying it back into the living room and spreading it out on the ground beside the corpse. Joel rips the top hem of the bedsheet from its seams, and wraps it around his injured hand before tying it off with his teeth. He rolls Chrissy’s stiffening figure onto the now-frayed edge of the fabric, tucking it under one of her arms to hold it in place before tumbling her down the remaining length of the linen. He performs the task monotonously and with little strain, as if he’s done so a dozen times, because he has. It doesn’t take very much effort to lift her onto his shoulder; she was already a wisp of a thing to begin with, weighing even less now that nearly her entire blood volume is soaking into the wood beneath where she had been laying.

Joel navigates to the back door of the house, kicking it open with his boot and letting it slam behind him. He walks several yards into the overgrowth behind the house, dodging low-hanging branches and stepping over fallen logs until he reaches a small clearing. He deposits Chrissy’s body onto an area of dried, yellowing grass, before returning to the backyard where he had noticed a dilapidated shed, nearly completely fallen over from several years’ worth of dry rot. Joel grunts as he pries the doors open, and yanks on a rusted metal chain hanging from the ceiling. A single light bulb illuminates the contents of the shed—a decades-old lawn mower, a few bags of grass seed, and some basic gardening tools, including exactly the one he was looking for. He brushes several thick spiderwebs out of the way before grabbing hold of the shovel, and lets it drag behind him as he treks back to Chrissy’s soon-to-be makeshift burial site. Joel digs a shallow grave, not wanting to take the time to complete the entire six feet with you still on your own inside the house, and uses his boot to send her cloth-wrapped body tumbling into the hole, where it lands with a dull thud. He stares down at her bloodied chrysalis, exhaling a shuddering breath as he revels in the final stage of his ritual.

Over the course of his life, Joel has done a lot of thinking about what exactly it is about the slaughter that he finds so titillating. On a particularly sleepless night several years ago, he’d finally landed on the transformation being what arouses him so. Taking a life is not unlike the procedure of sex, he’d realized—there is a start and an end, a before and an after, and an intangible, in between state, where the soul of the other person is slightly separated from their body, placed into the palms of his hands to do with as he pleases. There’s a reason the French came up with that clever little phrase—la petite mort—because sex and death are inexplicably intertwined, at least for Joel. He experiences such a rush, such a release, from taking part in the gruesome metamorphosis in which a girl is transformed into a body, that he can’t help but chase that high again and again and again, even though he always seems to forget that as much as there is the before and the during, there is also the after.

That troublesome, uncomfortable after.

Joel shakes himself out of his stupor, tossing the shovel in after the body and doing a half-assed job of kicking the dirt he’d excavated back inside the pit. He scatters some fistfuls of grass and a few dead branches on top of the pile for extra camouflage, and then trudges his way back through the woods.

When Joel returns to the house, you’re in the exact same position he’d left you in, just as he’d thought you’d be. He approaches you slowly, crouching beside you and brushing some of your knotted hair away from your soiled face. Your eyes are frozen, as if still looking into Chrissy’s own glassy ones, and you don’t even so much as twitch when Joel pulls a rag from his back pocket and uses it to wipe his arousal and as much of the blood as he can manage off of your skin.

“You okay, sweetheart? You with me?” Joel asks you, his voice barely above a whisper, as if trying not to spook a small animal. You look almost… shell shocked. Traumatized. Out of your own body. “Talk to me, babydoll, please.” He rakes his fingers through your hair for another silent minute or so, during which time you continue to lie perfectly still. Unblinking. Unflinching. A husk of a girl.

Joel sighs, reaching across your body to grab his camera and the now-developed polaroid. He shoves the latter into his jacket pocket, deciding that he’ll examine the image later, once he reconciles with the unfamiliar feeling in the pit of his stomach—something like remorse, he thinks.

He slides his hands underneath your body, cradling you in his arms and carrying you bridal style across the living room, over the threshold, down the steps, and along the stretch of fractured asphalt until he reaches the truck. Joel sets you down on your feet so that he can open the passenger-side door, but your knees buckle underneath you almost immediately, requiring him to support your weight while he fumbles with the handle. He lifts you up onto your seat once he gets it open and buckles you in, and you don’t look anywhere except directly in front of you the entire time. Joel smooths out the skirt of your dress, now stained with dirt and blood, and shoves his camera into the backpack sitting at your feet before shutting you in. He crosses in front of the hood and retakes his place behind the wheel, taking a long look at where you sit nearly comatose beside him. You’re here, but you’re not. He doesn’t know where you are, or how to pull you back from it, back to him.

Joel fidgets with his keys, jingling them in his hand in an effort to fill the cabin with something other than a silence so loud it’s making his ears ring. “It’ll feel better in the mornin’. You’ll get used to it, after a few more of ‘em, I promise.” He places his linen-wrapped hand on the side of your head, pulling you closer to him so that he can plant a whiskery kiss in your hair. Joel lets his eyes flutter closed as he breathes in your scent, inhaling a stuttering breath. If remorse is truly what he feels, then that would warrant an apology, he supposes. But it would also require taking action to rectify the wrongdoing that warranted the apology in the first place, to make sure that it never happens again. And that, he cannot promise.

He pulls away from you, licking his thumb once to wipe a dried smear of blood from your temple. “You wanna get that old map outta the glovebox, babydoll? Decide where we’re headed to next?” Joel prompts.

Silence.

“I’ll take you anywhere you want, darlin’. Long as they got hot coffee and color TV,” he chuckles.

Stillness.

“Well… Alright, then. Next state over it is.” Joel sniffles, feeling around in the dark for the truck’s ignition cylinder, the engine finally sputtering to life after a few misses of the key. Your head falls against the window as the tires begin to rumble over the uneven pavement, and you don’t bother to reposition yourself, even though the sensation of your skull rattling against the glass must be uncomfortable.

Joel doesn’t steer the truck in any particular direction, just away. Away from here, toward the life together in California that he’d promised you, hoping that he can collect all your broken pieces and put you back together along the way.

As it turns out, there are two things that Joel needs you to understand—that he’s never letting you go, and that he will never be able to stop himself. As instinctually as Joel needs to blink, breathe, sleep, he needs to kill. He needs to spill blood and feel it underneath his fingernails and taste it on his tongue, needs to bite into the soft pink skin beneath white wool and feel the precise moment when a creature becomes nothing more than flesh and fur.

And he needs you. Joel cannot live without either one, he’s decided, and so he must be in possession of both.

He regrets the way in which he’s broken you tonight, but not the way that you will be reassembled in his image.

Transformed.

tag list: @beefrobeefcal @iamasaddie @rebel-held @dilfgestivo @joeldjarin @kamcrazy123 @hellowoolf @rexamongthestars @stevie75 @luxurychristmaspudding @noisynightmarepoetry @mewantpeepaw @pedritoferg @evolnoomym @annoyingmarvelreader @joelsdagger @natalieispunk @mermaidgirl30 @untamedheart81 @galway-girlatwork @pinkiec6-rubi @wand-erer5 @arminsbf @shivispunk @gigistorm @theoreticalfreak @vinceelser @always-andromeda @path0logicalpeoplepleaser @old-logan-and-old-joels-slut @atjlovverr @zliteraturehoe @k1l4ni @hjzghi-blog @xkyxkyxxlylcylulucuflfluclu @kay1805 @alex-does-art-things (if your name is crossed out, it won’t let me tag you!!)

#my writing #joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x you #the last of us fanfiction #tlou fanfiction #joel miller smut #dark!joel miller #dark!joel x reader

210 notes · View notes

jpmarvel90 · 2 months ago

Text

Don't Belong Part 4

Masterlist Natasha Masterlist

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Word Count: 6125

Relationship: Mother WandaNat x Daugher Reader

Summary: It's Y/n's birthday and everyone is making an effort to make it the best day possible. Including a suprise early visit which sees Y/n experience a happiness she's not had in a long time.

Nat: Mama Wanda: Mom

Y/n's POV:

When the morning comes around, I blink my eyes open. I don't know what woke me first, the muted knock at the door or the quiet creak as it opens. For a moment, I think it's one of my moms again, coming in to check if I've eaten or taken my meds. I'm already halfway to turning away when I hear a familiar voice. "Knock knock," Kate calls softly, her voice like a warm breeze slipping through the room.

I blink my eyes open, squinting at the brightness filtering through the window. She's standing just inside the doorway, a sheepish smile on her lips, and something tucked behind her back. She looks like she always does, messy ponytail, oversized hoodie hanging off one shoulder like it was made to, and for some reason, my chest tightens. Maybe it's the way she looks at me. Or maybe it's because, for the first time, someone came just for me.

"Kate?" I croak out, surprised. "What are you doing here?" She enters fully now, closing the door behind her. "Well, it's a special day," she sing-songs, stepping closer to my bed. "And I thought I'd drop by early to wish a very certain badass agent-in-the-making a happy birthday." She smiles.

My brows raise. "Wait... it's today?" Kate giggles. "You forgot your own birthday?" Well, I knew it was coming but it kind of snuck up on me. With everything going on, the healing, emotional trauma, being babysat by my guilt-ridden moms, it just hadn't occurred to me. "Guess I did," I mumble.

"Well, that won't do." She steps closer and pulls a small box from behind her back. "Here." I blink, looking at the wrapping. It's simple, but there's a purple ribbon, her signature colour as I've learnt. "You didn't have to..." I start before she interrupts me. "Shush. It's already here, and you're opening it."

There's something so easy about the way she talks, like we've always done this. Like this, whatever this is, has existed longer than I've allowed myself to notice. I peel back the wrapping, careful not to tear the paper, and reveal a small velvet box.

Inside is a silver bracelet, dainty and simple, with a single hawk feather charm that glints in the sunlight streaming through the window. It's understated, elegant, and... weirdly perfect. I look at it in awe. "This is..." I start but she cuts me off.

"I saw it when Yelena and I went shopping yesterday." Kate shrugs, suddenly looking nervous. "Reminded me of you. Strong, graceful, always aiming for something even if no one's paying attention." My breath catches in my throat, and I look up at her. "Kate..." She's biting her bottom lip now, her eyes darting between me and the bracelet.

Something twists in my stomach. Not unpleasant. Just... unfamiliar. "Kate..." I say again, but there's not really anything else I can think to add. She shrugs, pretending to play it cool. "Also, feathers are cool. And you're cool. So... logic." I laugh softly, and she looks up, eyes dancing with relief at the sound. "Too much?" She questions in a small panic. "No," I say softly, feeling my heart flutter in a way it hasn't in a long time. "It's perfect." Her grin returns, more relaxed now. "Well, good. Because I was ready to fake an excuse and run out if it was weird."

I laugh, genuinely this time, and motion for her to help put it on. Her fingers are warm as they brush against my skin. She doesn't pull her hands away immediately once it's clasped. "You look good in silver," she says casually, but her eyes say something else. There's a pause, and the air feels different, charged. "You really didn't have to do this," I murmur, though I'm glad she did. "Birthdays deserve presents," she says. "And you deserve to be celebrated."

Before I can respond, there's a knock and the door swings open again. Dr. Cho enters with a clipboard and a smile. "Well, well. Look who's already popular this morning." Kate stands up straighter, pretending to be innocently casual. "Just a quick visit." Cho grins at the both of us. "Actually, I've got a bit of a birthday gift too. Since your vitals have stabilised and your infection is nearly cleared, I'm approving a short supervised walk outside." She announces.

I'm in shock and a smile slowly creeps on my face. "Wait, seriously?" I ask wondering if I heard her correctly. "I don't joke about recovery milestones," she replies, then adds, "Fifteen minutes. Wheelchair assist. Someone responsible with you. I assume you two can manage that without scaling the roof or anything." I states, now turning to Kate with a raised eyebrow.

Kate salutes. "Scout's honour." Cho narrows her eyes. "You were never a scout." She calls her out, making me chuckle. "I could've been." Kate mumbles in return. "Don't make me regret this." Cho says pointing her pen between us. "I'll be on my best behaviour." I promise, moving to sit up in the bed. "That'll be a first." Cho mumbles to herself as she heads out the room.

A few minutes later, I'm being wheeled outside, wrapped in a cozy hoodie and thick blanket that Kate insisted I bring. The sunlight feels foreign on my skin, almost startling in its warmth. I close my eyes and breathe it in. The fresh air, the gentle breeze... it all feels surreal. Like I'm not in the compound, not in recovery, not hovering between everything I want and everything I've lost.

Kate's walking beside me, hands in her pockets, glancing at me now and then like she's worried I'll fall apart in the sunshine. We find a bench near the gardens, away from the main paths. There's the soft hum of bees somewhere in the bushes, the quiet rustle of trees overhead. I sit up slowly, wincing a little as I adjust. Kate sits beside me, just close enough that our knees touch.

"It's beautiful out here," I murmur, breathing in deeply. Kate glances at me. "You okay?" She asks softly. I hesitate for a second, then nod. "I am... I think. It just still feels unreal. Everything happened so fast. One minute I was on a mission and the next..." Her hand brushes against mine, fingers grazing. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," she says softly.

I stare down at the grass for a moment. "It's not just the mission," I admit. "It's everything. My moms... I thought they didn't care anymore. I still don't know if I believe this whole 'we're here now' act. Like, where were they when I needed them? I've been alone for years and now that I'm bleeding out, suddenly they remember I exist?" I huff in frustration.

Kate's quiet, but not in a way that feels dismissive. It feels like she's giving me room. "My biological parents gave me up," I continue. "Hydra turned me into something I never wanted to be. Nat found me and... for a while, she made me feel like I was worth something. But then Billy and Tommy came along, and I guess I was just... extra."

I glance down at the bracelet on my wrist, the charm glinting like it knows something I don't. "You ever feel like... no matter how hard you try, you'll never be enough?" I ask suddenly, barely above a whisper. Kate's head turns toward me. "Yeah. More than I'd like to admit."

I nod, staring straight ahead. "That's what it's been like with them. My moms. At first, I had everything. A home. A family. Then the twins came and... slowly, it was like I just faded out of frame. Babysitter, housemaid, invisible. I tried to earn it back. Be better. Be perfect. But they didn't notice. Or maybe they just didn't care." I share honestly.

"Now they're around all the time. Bringing soup and fluffing pillows. Acting like they didn't ignore me for the last few years. And I don't know how to trust that." I admit vulnerably. "You don't have to." She says gently. "Not right away. Maybe not ever. But you can still heal, with or without them." She advises.

"Hard to do that alone," I admit. "You're not alone," she says, brushing her fingers against mine. "You've got Steve. You've got friends. You've got me." I turn to her, heart in my throat. "Do I?" Kate meets my gaze without flinching. "You do. You've always had me."

I finally turn to look at her. "I don't tell people this stuff. Hell, I didn't even tell Steve half of it." I chuckle awkwardly. Kate's expression is unreadable at first, but her voice is steady when she says, "Y/n... you're not extra. Not to me anyway." I blink. She reaches up and brushes a strand of hair behind my ear, her hand lingering near my jaw. "Not now, not ever."

My heart skips again. I try to scoff, to deflect with sarcasm like I always do. But it dies on my lips. The world feels still. The breeze moves lazily through the trees, birds chirp somewhere in the distance, but all I can hear is my heartbeat. Louder than it should be.

I don't think. For once, I don't overanalyse or build up walls or second-guess what I deserve. I just lean in, slowly, giving her space to pull back if she wants to. She doesn't. Her breath hitches softly, and then she leans in too. The distance between us disappears with a quiet inevitability. Our lips meet, warm, hesitant, searching.

It's not rushed. It's not perfect. But it's real.

Her hand finds mine again, fingers curling between mine with a gentle squeeze as her lips linger against mine, soft and sure. I feel the way she exhales shakily into the kiss, like maybe she's been waiting for this as long as I have.

The warmth of her palm grounds me, anchoring me in this moment. This tiny, quiet miracle I didn't know I needed. We part slowly, but not fully. Her forehead brushes lightly against mine, and I open my eyes to find hers already watching me. "Wow," I murmur, my voice barely audible. Kate grins. "Yeah," she whispers back, her nose nudging mine. "That was... definitely not just a birthday present."

I laugh softly, the sound surprising even me. It's light. Unburdened. Something I haven't felt in a long time. Then she adds, "But if it was, I really outdid myself." I roll my eyes with a smile, bumping her shoulder. "Yeah, yeah. Don't let it go to your head."

We sit there for another long moment, her hand still in mine, the kiss still tingling on my lips. For the first time in forever, I don't feel like I'm on the outside looking in. I feel seen. Wanted. Maybe even loved.

"I think I like you, Bishop," I murmur. She grins. "Well... I was hoping you'd say that." I laugh, breathless. "Smooth." Kate shrugs. "I have my moments." We sit there for a little longer, fingers brushing, letting the quiet speak for us. Today doesn't feel quite so lonely. And maybe, just maybe, I'm not as alone as I thought.

She stands, offering her hand. "Come on, birthday girl. Let's get you back before Cho realises I'm terrible at following instructions." She jokes. I take her hand, letting her help me up. And for the first time in a long while, I don't feel like a background character in my own life. Maybe this birthday is going to be better than I had expected.

By the time Kate wheels me back through the medical wing's hallway, my chest feels lighter. I can't tell if it's the kiss, the sunlight, or just the fact that, for the first time in a long time, I feel like someone really sees me.

We're laughing at one of Kate's terrible impressions of Steve ("Language!" she says in a fake-deep voice, holding up an imaginary shield) when we turn the corner into my hospital room, and everything stops.

The room is... glowing. Streamers in purple and red hang loosely from the ceiling. There are balloons everywhere. Some Avengers-themed, others with "Happy Birthday!" printed in glitter. My bed is surrounded by snacks, presents, and handmade decorations. Someone even stuck a banner over the window that reads: "Y/n—Top of Her Class and Queen of Badasses."

And then.... "SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"

The room erupts in cheers. I blink, startled, as people begin stepping out from where they'd been hiding. Steve's standing at the foot of my bed, grinning. Pepper and Tony are by the snack table (which, of course, is colour-coordinated). Clint's got a party hat on backwards. Even Bruce is there, waving from the corner.

But it's the next voices that break me completely. "We got you! We actually got you!" Tommy cheers. Billy is right behind him, his face lit up. "You didn't even guess!" I'm almost too stunned to speak. "Wait, you guys planned this?" I ask in shock. "Well, Uncle Steve and moms helped a little." Billy admits with a grin, "But we made the decorations. Look!" He runs over to show me a clumsily drawn poster that reads "Best Sister Ever" with stick figures of the three of us drawn beneath it.

My throat tightens. "You guys..." Tommy launches himself forward, arms wrapping tightly around my waist before he seems to remember I'm injured and pulls back. "Oops! Sorry! I didn't mean to...did I hurt you?" I shake my head, tears stinging my eyes. "No. You're okay. Come here."

They both crowd me then, Billy on one side, Tommy on the other, snuggling up to me as best they can without bumping the healing wounds. I run my fingers through their hair, holding them close. "I missed you both." I whisper. "We missed you more." Billy says, looking up with wide, honest eyes. "Are you gonna come home soon?"

I look at them, at their innocence, their hope, and despite everything that's happened, I can't bring myself to say anything but, "Yeah. Soon." Tommy grins. "Good! 'Cause we need someone to settle who's better at Mario Kart." He declares. "Definitely not you," Billy shoots back, making Tommy gasp and begin a dramatic argument, and I just laugh. I haven't laughed like this in forever.

I don't notice her until I hear the soft cough behind me. "Room for one more?" I glance up and there's Yelena, standing awkwardly near the doorway with a bag slung over her shoulder and that familiar half-smile she always wears when she's trying not to look too emotional. "Lena." I smile. "Get over here." She strides forward, more confidently now, and kneels beside my bed. "You know, I had a speech planned. Something dramatic about Russian strength and glorious birthdays. But now I feel like an idiot." She sighs. I chuckle. "You're my idiot."

Her smile softens, and she reaches out, brushing a strand of hair from my face. "Happy birthday, malyshka." I smile widely. Since she has been back, she's been a breath of fresh air. I sometimes go months at a time without seeing her and I realise now how much she does in my life and how much I wish she was around more.

"Thanks. For coming. For... all of it." She nods. "I would burn the world down for you. But instead, I helped decorate and resisted the urge to strangle Tony. Which is almost harder." I snort and take her hand, squeezing it tightly. "I'm really glad you're here." I tell her honestly. She leans forward and presses a kiss to my forehead, staying close. "Just don't scare me like this again, okay?" She practically orders. "No promises," I whisper.

Kate's still nearby, arms folded, watching the exchange with an amused little smile. She doesn't say anything, but when Yelena steps back, she gives Kate a subtle nod of approval. I don't miss it, and neither does Kate, judging by the soft pink tint to her cheeks.

Eventually, everyone gathers around. Steve insists on speeches. He actually wrote one, of course he did! Tony hands out cupcakes and calls it "nutrition for emotionally stunted heroes." Clint juggles party favours for the twins. Bruce accidentally knocks over a stack of gift bags and looks mortified.

And me? I just sit there, taking it all in. The laughter. The chaos. The family. It's messy and weird and loud, but it's ours. I can't remember the last time we all just existed together. Not during a mission. Not under stress. Just as people. As a family. I lean back against the pillows, the bracelet Kate gave me catching the light, and I smile.

I've never had this many people show up for me before. The medical bay isn't exactly the most glamorous venue, but no one seems to care. It's alive with laughter, the kind of laughter that vibrates through the walls and settles somewhere deep in your bones. For a while, I just sit there, watching everyone move and talk and tease each other, absorbing the atmosphere like it might disappear if I blink.

The tray table in front of me has become a mountain of tissue paper, ribbons, and gift bags. I've unwrapped more things in the past twenty minutes than I have in the last three birthdays combined. Kate is still right beside me, comfortably close, legs crossed at the ankle, her fingers brushing mine every so often as she hands me each present. It's subtle, but grounding.

From Clint, it's a custom arrow set with glittery purple fletching and tiny inscriptions carved into each shaft. "You'll have to work on your draw, obviously," he jokes. "But when you do, you'll be better than Bishop." Kate scoffs. "Untrue. But cute."

Tony's gift is as over-the-top as expected. A sleek tactical vest designed specifically for fieldwork, complete with integrated tech and a touch of ridiculous Stark flair. "Look, it glows when you're under UV light," he says proudly. "Very nightclub assassin." Pepper rolls her eyes, but her handwritten card makes my chest tighten in a way I don't expect. It says, simply: We see you. Always have. Always will.

Bruce hands me a leather-bound journal filled with his recovery notes, complete with diagrams and some shaky sketches of me in various combat poses. I laugh when I see one labelled: "High kick of doom, 3.5 ft trajectory." There's even a small pouch attached with a hand-carved wooden pen. "You'll need to track your healing. I thought it might help to write it down." I don't say it, but I will. I will write everything down. The good, the bad, and especially the parts where I've felt like I didn't exist. Because now? It feels like I do.

I'm still smiling when the crowd begins to shift, people making room as two familiar figures step forward, each holding something in their hands. The noise in my head returns, just a little. Mom and Mama.

They've been here this whole time, quietly moving through the celebration, helping out, cleaning up plates, never taking the spotlight. I noticed it earlier, and I've been thankful for it. I needed space. I still do. But now they're here, in front of me, and it's harder to keep the barrier around my chest intact.

Nat steps up first, her hands clasped around a long rectangular case. It's black, sleek, familiar. My stomach knots in anticipation. "I, uh..." She hesitates. Natasha Romanoff hesitates. That alone is enough to jolt something inside me. "I wasn't sure what to get you. I've never been great at birthdays. But these... these kept me alive for a long time. And I think it's time they had a new owner."

She opens the case and turns it toward me. Inside is a matched set of weapons. Intimate, in a way only warriors understand. Twin shock batons, sleek and polished with matte-silver handles engraved in Russian script. A Glock 43, lightweight and efficient, with a grip she's worn smooth over the years. And the Widow's Bite cuffs, the real ones, resting on black velvet.

My breath catches. "These are..." I blink down at them, my hands hesitant to reach forward. "Yours?" Nat nods. "They were. Now they're yours. I always knew that you would be a better Agent than me. I just wish I had shown that pride more." There's emotion in her voice, but she reins it in expertly. She doesn't reach for me. Doesn't try to hug or explain too much. She just offers them, like a passing of legacy. Of trust.

I nod slowly, something like awe and confusion twisting through my chest. "Thanks. They're... badass. When I was training, I always based my tactics off you using these." I share a glimpse into what she missed. She gives a quiet smile, a flash of hurt in her eyes, but steps back without comment. I don't miss the way her fingers twitch slightly at her sides, as if resisting the urge to do more.

Then Wanda steps forward, her gift flatter, wrapped in dark green and tied with a silky ribbon. She holds it carefully, like it's something ancient. "No weapons in this one," she says, smiling, "unless you count Frodo's sword." She jokes. I give her a curious look and begin unwrapping the gift, careful with the ribbon. When I peel back the paper and lift the lid, my heart skips.

First editions. Hardcovers. Faded gold lettering on rich leather bindings. The Lord of the Rings trilogy. The original artwork. My fingers hover over the covers, reverent. "Where did you find these?" I ask, my voice shaking.

"I didn't," Wanda says softly. "They were mine. I've kept them for years. You used to sneak into our room when you thought we were asleep, remember? You'd hide under our covers with a flashlight and whisper-read Gandalf's speeches like you were preparing for battle." I do remember. Vividly. That tiny space of time when everything felt safe and warm, when their room was my sanctuary.

I don't realize how hard I'm gripping the box until Kate gently places her hand over mine. "These are..." I swallow. "Wow." It's all I can manage to get out. Both of these gifts have been so thoughtful, and they've caught me completely off guard. Wanda's voice lowers. "I wanted you to have something that reminded you of how strong you already are. Even when you felt small."

A lump forms in my throat, but I force it down. I nod. Not because I'm ready to forgive. But because I'm not ready to push them away either. "Thanks." I say quietly. "Really." And just like that, they back away. No expectations. No more pressure. I appreciate that. It's like they're finally listening to me.

It would've been so easy for them to hijack the day and to make it about apologies or guilt. But instead, they've given me room. Let me have this one day to feel like I'm the centre of it all. And I needed that more than I ever realized.

The party picks up again, as Clint accidentally knocks over a cupcake tower and Billy yells "five-second rule!" before diving for the last chocolate one. Laughter ripples through the room like it belongs there, like we all do.

Kate squeezes my hand again and I smile at her, letting myself melt into the comfort of her presence. That's when I notice it. A movement, subtle and precise. Mama is watching. She's near the far wall now, leaning against it with her arms folded. But her eyes are locked on Kate. Not hostile. Not even judgmental. Just... focused. It's that hyper-vigilant mother-spy thing I haven't seen in years.

Kate follows my gaze and catches Nat's eyes, lifting her chin in subtle challenge. Natasha doesn't blink. Just tips her head slightly, evaluating. I huff a quiet laugh and shake my head. "She's profiling you." Kate smirks. "I should be flattered."

"You should be cautious," I whisper, nudging her with my elbow. "She has very creative ways of intimidating people." Kate leans closer, her voice low and teasing. "Good thing I'm hard to scare." I believe her. And I believe, for the first time in a long time, that someone might actually stick around. Not because they pity me. But because they want to.

The laughter has begun to soften now. People are settling into quieter conversations, cups half-finished, frosting smudges drying on napkins. The decorations still flutter gently in the airflow of the room, streamers casting coloured shadows across the walls like echoes of the joy they helped shape.

I'm still riding the high of it. The weightless kind of happiness that you don't quite trust to last, but you cling to anyway. That's when the door opens, and the atmosphere shifts. Even before I see him, I feel him.

Nick Fury doesn't enter a room. He commands it. Even here, surrounded by friends, cupcakes, and glittery party hats, he's unmistakable. The kind of presence you don't forget once it's in your life. "Don't mind me," he says, his voice a familiar gravel tone, softer than usual but still laced with authority. "Just came to see the guest of honour." He smiles.

A quiet hush falls over the room as he approaches. The tension isn't fear, it's more like reverence. Respect. The kind that makes people straighten their spines without realizing they're doing it. He walks to my bedside, pausing just beside the tray table, arms behind his back. His eye meets mine with a steadiness I've always found both comforting and intimidating.

"You gave us a scare, kid." I smile faintly, keeping his gaze. "Didn't mean to." He doesn't laugh, but something in his expression softens. "I read the full mission report," he says. "I know what went down. And I know it was my call that put you there in the first place." My chest tightens. I shake my head immediately, the instinct to defend him rushing forward. "It wasn't your fault," I say. "You didn't know someone on the inside had turned. You couldn't have." I defend.

Fury's jaw flexes. "It doesn't matter." He replies after a beat. "I should've. Should've read deeper. Dug harder. Hell, I should've seen it coming. That's my job. To know before anyone else does. To protect you." His voice cracks, just barely. But it's enough. It unsettles me. Because I've never seen him like this. Vulnerable, human in a way that doesn't wear a patch or a trench coat. And it's not guilt for guilt's sake. It's care. "You've done more for me than most people ever have," I say quietly. "You gave me a chance. You trained me like I mattered. You saw me." I admit.

He lets out a breath, slow and rough. Then he nods. It's not to brush it off, but to acknowledge it. "You're one hell of an agent, Y/n. I've seen plenty come and go, but you've got something different. Grit. Instinct. Fire." She observes. He leans in slightly, lowering his voice to a gravel-soft whisper. "Don't let what happened change what you know about yourself." I swallow hard, nodding slowly. "I won't."

And then, in a rare moment of unspoken affection, he rests a calloused hand gently on my shoulder, just for a second, before straightening and stepping back. As he turns to leave, he casts a long look toward Nat and Wanda near the back of the room. His gaze lingers, and something in it, maybe warning, maybe reassurance, passes unspoken between them before he disappears through the door.

I exhale only once he's gone. Then, just as I start to gather my thoughts, Dr. Cho re-enters the room with a clipboard and her no-nonsense smile. "Okay, everyone," she announces, clapping her hands together once. "Quick update before you all crash from sugar and emotional whiplash." The room chuckles in response. I sit up straighter, something in my gut already stirring.

"Y/n, your scans look great. The infection's resolved, and your vitals have been strong for the past forty-eight hours. Based on today's assessment..." She pauses, flipping a page like she doesn't already have it memorized. "You're officially being discharged tomorrow morning."

The room erupts louder than it did the first time. This time it's more than celebration. It's relief. Release. Tommy jumps up like someone plugged him into an outlet. "You're coming home?! Like really home?!" He questions excitedly. Billy's already halfway into planning mode. "We have to do a welcome-back breakfast. Wait, no, brunch. Brunch is fancier. And we can use the good mugs!"

I laugh, the real kind, as they both launch themselves into my arms, hugging me with as much force as they dare. "I missed you guys," I murmur into their hair. "We missed you more," Tommy says without hesitation, grinning up at me.

Across the room, I catch sight of Nat and Wanda. They're not saying anything. Not pushing their way into the moment. But I can see it on their faces, the way Wanda's lips tremble just slightly, the way Nat's arms remain crossed tightly over her chest like she's holding herself together by sheer force of will. They're relieved. Genuinely relieved. And they're holding back. For me. It means more than I know how to say.

Still... as the twins start rattling off pancake toppings and "who gets to sit next to Y/n at the table," a familiar flutter of anxiety flickers to life in my chest. I'm going home. To the apartment I once called mine. The home that now feels half-foreign and half-frozen in time. To Nat's watchful eyes and Wanda's worry-laced hovering. I know they love me. I believe that now, at least a little. But I don't know if I'm ready to live under that roof again. To be seen that closely. To be reminded of everything that fractured before I ended up in this hospital bed.

Kate must sense the shift in my energy. Her hand closes around mine, steady and warm. "You're not doing this alone." She murmurs. Before I can answer, Yelena slides in from the other side, arms folded but her eyes fierce. "I will be checking on you. Every day." She promises. Kate smirks. "We've got it covered."

"I'm serious," Yelena adds. "If they hover, I will stare them down until they leave the room. If they make too much soup, I'll eat it out of spite." She says with a straight face. Kate leans in toward me, her voice barely a whisper. "She will. I've seen her do it." She chuckles.

"I don't need babysitters." I murmur, but there's no real heat in my voice. Yelena raises a brow. "Good. Then we're just company." She corrects. "Support." Kate adds. I glance between them, and something loosens in my chest. Maybe I can go home. Because this time, I'm not going back alone.

The room is quieter now, but it still glows with the remnants of laughter and light. Nat and Wanda remain in the background, not imposing, not forcing. They're waiting. Not for forgiveness but for me. And I think that matters most of all.

The soft hum of conversation has tapered into scattered goodbyes, quiet laughter, and the rustle of gift bags being gathered. The scent of vanilla frosting still lingers in the air, mingling with the sterile but oddly comforting smell of hospital-grade fabric softener.

I sit at the edge of the bed now, legs dangling over the side, blanket wrapped loosely around my shoulders as Kate helps me tuck away a few of the smaller gifts into a bag. Most of the guests have left. The noise has died down to a gentle murmur. It's just us now, me, Kate, Yelena, my moms, and the twins, who have passed out on a beanbag in the corner under a pile of discarded wrapping paper.

Kate shifts beside me, adjusting the strap of her bag over her shoulder. "Alright, Bishop Security detail clocking out," she says, offering a playful two-finger salute. I chuckle at her goofiness, and I can't hide the flutter to my heart. "But I'll be back tomorrow. Bright and early. Probably with coffee and really bad jokes."

"Looking forward to it," I reply, trying to keep my voice light, though a quiet kind of sadness starts settling in my chest. I don't want the day to end. Not yet. Not when it finally felt like everything was okay. Kate seems to sense it. She steps closer, her smile softening as her eyes search mine.

"Hey." she says, gently brushing a stray hair from my face, her fingers lingering near my cheek. "You did good today." I huff a small laugh. "I didn't do much." I sigh. "Still," she says, her voice quieter now. "You let yourself have today. That matters." She points out.

She leans in slowly, giving me time, and I meet her halfway. The kiss is brief, gentle, warm, a promise wrapped in quiet goodbye, but it anchors something deep in me. It's the kind of kiss that doesn't demand anything. It just reminds me I'm not alone.

When she pulls back, we're both smiling. But of course, nothing in my life happens without some form of chaos. "I swear to god, Bishop," Yelena calls from the doorway, arms crossed and smirking, "if you break her heart, I will personally staple your arrows together and feed them to you." Kate blinks a flash of fear in her eyes, then she grins. "Creative." She shrugs, trying to play it cool. "I'm Russian. We invent new ways to threaten people daily."

I burst into laughter, chest-shaking laughter that makes me wince slightly, but I don't care. It's worth it. Kate just shrugs like it's part of the deal, then throws me a wink before heading for the door. "Sleep, okay?" she calls back. "I will." I say, holding her gaze a second longer. "See you tomorrow."

Once she and Yelena slip out, the room falls into a softer stillness. The kind that lingers when the lights have dimmed and the buzz of the day begins to fade. Mama, Nat, steps forward first, arms crossed but eyes gentle. "She seems nice," she says, voice casual, but the comment lingers in the air.

I turn to look at her, studying her face for any sign of disapproval. But it's not there. Her expression is sincere, measured, and, if I'm reading it right, curiously fond. "She is." I reply, testing the waters.

Mom then joins us, walking up beside Nat with a little nod of agreement. "She's kind. Confident. I like her. I'm excited to see more of her around the house." I blink at her, surprised. Mom has always been the more intuitive of the two, more emotionally open, but still. The ease in her voice, the warmth, it catches me off guard.

"You're not going to interrogate her?" I ask, only half-teasing. "Only a little," Nat says dryly, but there's no edge to it. Just a trace of the protectiveness I used to crave from her, back when I didn't think I deserved it.

For a beat, none of us speak. They stay near, not hovering, not pressing in. Just... present. And for the first time in a long time, it doesn't feel suffocating. I ease myself back onto the bed, wincing slightly at the pull in my side. The hospital room is quieter now, dimmer. The balloons have started to droop, and the party glow is beginning to flicker out.

My eyes flick to the stack of gifts beside me. Clint's arrows, Mom's books, Mama's weapons. Kate's bracelet still rests gently against my wrist, glinting faintly under the soft lamplight. Today was a good day.

But now that it's over, a gnawing restlessness settles in my chest. Tomorrow, I go home. The word tastes foreign in my mouth. Home. That apartment. That space full of memories, some good, some aching like bruises not fully healed. I can already see the way they'll watch me. The soft questions. The hovering. The awkward silences when no one knows what to say. And I'm not sure I'm ready for it. But I'll go. Because something inside me, faint and fragile, wants to try. And I also know it have no other choice.

The quiet stretches long now, the day finally unwinding. Wanda kisses my forehead gently before retreating to gather the twins. Nat lingers just a moment longer, eyes sweeping over me like she's committing this version of me to memory. "Sleep well dekta. I love you." She says quietly, not making a fuss or waiting for a response. She simply leans in and presses a soft kiss to my head and joins Mom with carrying a sleeping Tommy out of the room.

I'm left alone with the hum of machines, the echo of laughter still clinging to the walls, and the distant warmth of Kate's goodbye on my lips. And for the first time in a long time, I let the silence hold me. Tomorrow begins something new. Maybe hard. But maybe good, too. And maybe that's enough.

Taglist: @reggierizzoli @ordelixx @mousetheorist @oh-thats-cute-blog @bstvst @waiqui @fxckmiup @kosmichs1 @theprincipality @elle161989 @jusnough @nessheartnat @yelldontwhisper

#marvel fanfiction #marvel #wanda maximoff #fanfic #mcu #avengers fanfiction #natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff fanfiction #natasha romanoff x daughter #avengers #romanoff #maximoff #wanda maximoff fanfiction #wanda maximoff x reader #wandanat #wandanat x reader #wanda maximoff x daughter

199 notes · View notes

kangshxrtie · 10 months ago

Text

ch. 24 ⤍ go to sleep

"yunjin!" you exclaimed quietly as you stepped out of the uber.

yunjin had come outside to greet you when you texted her that you were down the street, wanting to avoid waking everyone in the house by ringing the doorbell.

"y/n!" she rushed over, wrapping you in a warm hug.

"i'm gonna be honest, i didn't think you would actually come," yunjin said once you both broke apart.

you smiled, shrugging a little. "i almost didn't, but then i thought, why stay home and do nothing when i could hang out with you?"

"well, i'm glad you did!" yunjin beamed, linking her arm with yours as you both walked toward the house. "let's go inside!"

once inside, yunjin kicked off her shoes and padded over to the couch, motioning for you to join her. you slipped off your shoes and set your bag on the floor before flopping down next to her.

"so, what's the plan for tonight?" yunjin asked, grabbing a blanket and wrapping it around her shoulders.

"i don't know; this is your house," you shrugged playfully.

"movie?" yunjin suggested.

"yeah, i did that the last time i was here too," you chuckled.

yunjin looked confused for a second but then her face lit up with realization. "i forgot kazuha snuck you in here before!"

"and now you're sneaking me in. i really am working my way up le sserafim," you joked, leaning back against the couch.

"stop!" yunjin laughed, shaking her head at your comment.

as the laughter faded, yunjin's expression turned thoughtful. "honestly, though, it's nice to have you here. we've never really hung out alone before."

you nodded. "yeah, it's nice."

yunjin smiled, her eyes softening. "me too. but what do you want to watch?"

you thought about it for a second. "how about a classic rom-com? something light and funny?"

"i was hoping you would say that!" yunjin agreed, reaching over to grab the remote and scrolling through the streaming service.

she went into the kitchen to grab some snacks and drinks, returning with a spread that made your mouth water. after setting everything up on the coffee table, she flopped back onto the couch and started the movie.

as the opening credits rolled, you sank into the cushions, feeling completely at ease. you exchanged glances and playful comments throughout the film, laughter echoing through the cozy living room.

after watching a specific scene and with some drinks in both of your systems, yunjin turned to you, her expression bright. "we should recreate this scene! i feel like we would totally fuck up the dance."

you burst out laughing. "i'd be down!"

yunjin giggled, her eyes sparkling with mischief. "i think we can learn this tonight."

"can we post it?" you asked.

"fuck yeah!" yunjin agreed.

and that's how you two ended up recording a dance video that you'd definitely regret come morning—or when either one of you sobered up just a little bit.

you both cleared a little space in the living room, giggling and bumping into each other as you set up the phone to record. yunjin hit play, and as the music started, you both attempted to follow the choreography.

"wait, wait! i'm totally lost already!" you exclaimed, laughing so hard you could barely stand.

"just follow my lead!" yunjin called back. "i promise i'll make it look good!"

you both started again, determined to get at least one solid take. but every time the song hit a particularly catchy beat and you'd make eye contact with yunjin, you couldn't help but break into laughter, causing you to forget the steps entirely.

"okay, okay, focus this time!" yunjin said, trying to catch her breath. "let's do it on three. one... two... three!"

the music started, and this time, you actually managed to keep up for a few counts. but as the chorus hit, you both went wild, completely losing it again.

"why are we so bad at this?!" you said between laughs.

"i think we're doing great!" yunjin insisted, not able to stop hearslf from laughing. "just imagine how funny this is going to be later!"

after what felt like countless attempts, you finally managed to get a somewhat decent take, even if you both did look stupid as fuck in it. yunjin stopped the recording and flopped back onto the couch, breathless.

"i knew we would fuck that up," she said, collapsing dramatically onto the cushions.

"definitely the best dancers," you joked, downing the rest of your drink.

"seriously, though," yunjin said after a few moments of silence, her tone shifting a bit, "thanks for coming over. i really needed this."

you turned to her, appreciating the sincerity in her voice. "me too. i always have a good time with you."

she smiled softly, and you couldn't help but feel grateful for this unexpected evening together.

after the movie wrapped up, you both tackled the mess of empty drink containers and snack wrappers, laughing as you raced to clean up. but as the drinks faded off, you started to feel the weight of exhaustion tugging at you. you figured you'd just sleep on the couch, but yunjin wouldn't let you.

"no way you're sleeping on the couch," she insisted, giving you a pointed look. "you're coming to my bed."

you opened your mouth to protest, but she was already pulling you toward her room. once there, she placed a pillow between you two and declared it a "lesbian prevention pillow."

you burst out laughing at her ridiculousness. "seriously, yunjin"

"can't have kazuha getting jealous," she teased, winking.

you couldn't stop smiling as you settled into her bed, the pillow a silly barrier between you. the comfort of the sheets made it hard to resist the pull of sleep.

"goodnight, yunjin," you said, turning to face her.

"goodnight, y/n. sweet dreams!" she replied.

with the gentle sound of her breathing beside you, you closed your eyes, feeling safe and content. you drifted off to sleep with a smile on your face.

the next morning, you were sitting in the le sserafim living room, waiting for yunjin to wake up, chatting with your manager about brand deals and new projects you were working on. you had just sent your last message when kazuha crept up behind you.

"y/n?" she said, causing you to jump in your seat.

"hi, zuha," you greeted her, a smile spreading across your face.

"what are you doing here? are you here for me?" she asked, her expression full of confusion as she pointed to herself.

"i hung out with yunjin last night, so i spent the night here. just waiting for her to wake up now," you explained.

kazuha pouted, crossing her arms. "i told you to go to sleep last night! and not only did you ignore that, but you hung out with my roommate."

"jealous?" you teased.

"of course i am," she said.

"don't be. we just hung out as friends," you reassured her, chuckling softly. "but what are you doing up this early?"

"i told you, i wake up early," kazuha replied, plopping down next to you. "what are you doing, though?"

"just talking to my manager about new projects and stuff," you told her, turning to face her.

"oooh, any spoilers?" kazuha asked, her eyes lighting up with curiosity.

"for you?" you thought for a moment. "maybe... but only if they go through."

"okay, i hope it happens! you deserve it," kazuha said, her tone earnest.

"thank you," you replied, giving her an appreciative smile.

just then, you felt the tips of kazuha's fingertips slowly trail up your arm. your heart sped up as her fingers inched closer to your face. she reached the lower part of your cheek and cupped it, making your breath hitch.

the two of you were close enough that you could feel kazuha's breath, the space between you charged with a warmth that made your skin tingle.

"zuha..." you began to say, but before you could finish, kazuha closed the distance with a soft kiss. you wasted no time kissing her back, every sensation heightened.

kazuha backed you up until the back of your legs hit the bed. you slowly sat down, letting her climb into your lap, her arm snaking around your neck as she did. you instinctively moved your hand to her hips, pulling her closer as you both continued to kiss.

soon enough, you were tugging kazuha's sweater over her head, your hands exploring her bare sides. she let out a soft moan at your touch. you moved your lips down to her jawline, and you continued down to her collarbone, placing several gentle hickeys in that area. kazuha gasped softly, her head tilting back in delight, wanting to feel your lips on hers again. she pulled you back in for another kiss, your tongues dancing together in a very heated kiss.

but before you could go any further, you were rudely jolted awake by yunjin yelling at you to wake up.

"what do you want?" you mumbled, your voice still heavy with sleep as you barely opened your eyes.

"sakura is making breakfast for us, and you need to wake up so we can all eat together," yunjin replied.

you groaned, making no motion to get up. the only thing on your mind was that dream you just had—a particularly vivid one about kazuha. a smile crept onto your face as you replayed the scenes in your head.

you just wanted to make that dream a reality.

but that felt too far-fetched; you two had only met a couple of weeks ago. sure, there had been some playful flirting, and you'd even been on a date, but that was just for a bit... right?

of course, it had to. or that's what you tried to tell yourself. you couldn't help but fall for someone who was incredibly pretty, sweet, funny, and just all-around a good person. you could fall for her, but not kazuha. you doubted she could even see you that way.

"ma'am," yunjin snapped you out of your thoughts. "are you gonna get up?"

"sorry, i'm just trying to recover from this dream i had," you said, shaking your head to clear your mind.

it didn't matter; it was just a dream, and that's all it would ever be.

"oh, what kind of dream was it? was it a bad one or something?" yunjin asked, noticing the dazed look on your face.

"oh no! definitely not!" you exclaimed, shaking your head. "it was actually a really good dream."

you tried not to sound too excited, but that clearly didn't work.

"wait... was it—" yunjin paused, trying to stifle a laugh. "did i wake you up from a sex dream?"

"shut up!" you said, grabbing the pillow from under your neck and tossing it at her as she burst into laughter.

"who was it?" yunjin immediately asked once she calmed down.

"none of your business," you said, covering your face with your hands.

"come on, tell me, please," she pleaded, moving to sit on the edge of the bed.

"i can't tell you. you might tell them," you mumbled, avoiding eye contact with her.

"i promise i won't," yunjin said, her tone serious.

finally, you turned to look her in the eye. "it was kazuha."

"oh my god," yunjin said, genuinely shocked.

"i know! i'm shocked too! it was so random; it's never happened before!" you added quickly.

"so i was onto something that one day," yunjin said, unable to hide her grin.

"shut up. it was just one dream," you groaned.

"but you had to think about her for that dream to even happen," yunjin countered.

"true," you admitted, trying to avoid eye contact again. you really didn't want to discuss this.

"well, i would love to talk more about this, but breakfast is ready," yunjin said, checking her phone after reading a message from the group chat.

"thank god, 'cause i didn't want to talk about it anymore," you said, standing up and heading to the bathroom to freshen up before making your way to the kitchen.

as you entered, yunjin noticed how you tensed up whenever kazuha came near.

quickly, yunjin took the seat next to you before kazuha could. "sorry, zuha. she's my guest right now."

"you know i could just sit on the other side, right?" kazuha said with a confused expression on her face as she walked around to the left side of you.

"yeah, obviously," yunjin nodded.

you tried to focus on your plate, but kazuha's presence sent your heart racing again, thoughts of the dream creeping back in. once everyone was settled at the kitchen table, all your nerves went away from the comfortable vibe.

"i saw the video you posted last night!" eunchae said, trying to contain her laughter as she pulled out her phone. the rest of the table leaned in to watch.

yunjin and you exchanged quick glances, suddenly remembering the dance session you'd filmed. "oh gosh, that!" yunjin laughed, "i totally forgot about it!"

"what were we thinking?" you chimed in, shaking your head to hide your embarrassment. "we looked so dumb!"

chaewon raised an eyebrow, clearly entertained. "i thought it was great! like, who knew you could both be so bad?"

"yeah, that was hilarious!" sakura added, chuckling. "when's the next yunjin-y/n dance collab happening?"

kazuha sat beside you, her smile teasing. "having regrets now?"

you shrugged, feeling the warmth of her gaze. "we really thought we were fucking it up. we were not."

as the conversation flowed, you got lost in the playful banter, especially when kazuha leaned in a little closer, making your heart race. at one point, as you both reached for the last piece of bacon at the same time, your hands brushed against each other. you both paused, and suddenly, a weird tension filled the space between you.

kazuha smiled shyly, and before you knew it, you found yourself intertwining your fingers with hers under the table. the warmth of her hand made your heart flutter, and you tried to focus on what everyone else was saying.

"you should join us for breakfast more often," chaewon said, breaking the moment, "and stop sneaking in at night like we don't know!"

"it's not my fault these girls only invite me after hours!" you shot back jokingly.

"but definitely," you agreed, giving kazuha's hand a gentle squeeze, your heart racing a little more.

yunjin caught sight of the two of you, a knowing smirk on her face, but she held her tongue for now, letting you two have your moment.

you were planning to head home after breakfast since yunjin had something she needed to film. but then kazuha invited you to hang out in her room, and honestly, how could you say no? yunjin practically pushed you towards kazuha, eager for you to go with her.

now you were sitting on the edge of kazuha's bed, feeling a mix of nerves and excitement as she laid down at the foot of the bed right by you. if you laid down too, you'd be face to face.

"you know, i'm kinda jealous that you snuck in with yunjin last night," kazuha admitted, breaking the silence. that felt kinda familiar...

"she was the only one who wanted to hang out with me," you replied, trying to keep it light.

"i told you to go to sleep," kazuha said. that might've been the exact words she said during your dream.

"i tried, but i couldn't," you admitted.

"will you spend the night with me tonight then?" she asked, her eyes sparkling with hope.

"i'd have to see if i have anything scheduled," you told her, keeping it casual.

"look now then!" kazuha gestured, handing you your phone that was conveniently near her.

you took your phone, trying to ignore how your hand was shaking. unlocking it, you checked your schedule and, of course, it was completely clear. because why wouldn't it be on a random saturday?

"i have nothing," you said, setting your phone back down.

"perfect! you can stay here then," kazuha said, her smile widening.

"yeah," you mumbled.

"you can get comfortable, you know," kazuha teased. "i give you permission to lay on my bed."

"oh, yeah." you lay down on your side, feet dangling off the bed.

"yeah, i like this better," she said, settling into a more relaxed position.

you both stayed like that for a while, the tv playing some random show in the background. you tried to act like you were paying attention, but all you could focus on was how close kazuha was and how unreal it felt to be on her bed. she occasionally glanced over at you, and each time, your heart did a little flip.

and you don't know how the next part happened but eventually, you two were cuddling on her bed. it just happened so naturally at one point.

you heard kazuha shift, her hand grazing the side of your face. her fingers traced over your cheeks and jaw, stopping at your chin before she leaned in and kissed you.

you grabbed the front of her shirt, pulling her closer, craving more of her warmth.

kazuha moved over you, one knee slipping between your thighs. one hand held herself up while the other cradled your cheek, and every touch felt electric. her kisses were heated, and every little whine when you pulled apart just made you want more. but then everything paused, a moment of stillness when her hand left your neck and rested at the top of your shirt.

she pulled away, lips barely brushing against yours, and you could feel the heat radiating between you.

kazuha shifted to straddle you, fingers grazing over your skin, and suddenly, you had to pull away. "wait? is this real?"

"of course it is," kazuha giggled, clearly confused.

you pinched yourself just to make sure. it felt too good to be true like this was another dream. but nope, this was real, and it was happening.

you blinked at her, still trying to wrap your head around everything. "so it isn't a dream this time?"

kazuha raised an eyebrow. "this time?"

"don't worry about it," you waved it off, not wanting to get into it.

"okay..." she seemed curious but stopped herself. "so we're good?"

"yeah, i just needed to clarify that for myself," you said, feeling a bit more at ease.

"good." her fingers traced over your skin, sending shivers down your spine. "i was kinda worried you'd think i was joking or something."

"why would i think that?" you shook your head, your heart racing as her gaze locked onto yours.

kazuha giggled again, that sound making everything feel surreal. "i don't know. i wasn't sure if you were serious about our... whatever this is."

"whatever this is," you echoed, your pulse quickening. "i've been questioning your feelings for a while, and now i finally know."

she leaned in closer, and you could feel the warmth radiating off her. "so, what do you want to do now?" kazuha asked, her voice softening.

"i mean..." you hesitated, your mind racing. "i didn't expect to end up here, you know?"

kazuha smirked, clearly enjoying your flustered state. "yeah, me neither. but now that we are... i think we should just enjoy it."

"right, enjoy it," you repeated, feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness.

still straddling you, kazuha leaned down, brushing her lips against yours once more, slow and teasing. you kissed her back, letting the moment sink in. every touch felt electric, every breath a little more urgent.

as you pulled away, you couldn't help but grin. "so, this is how it is, huh?"

"yup," kazuha said, her cheeks flushed. "i'd like to do this more often and see where it could go—maybe even become something more?"

"maybe even something more," you confirmed, your heart racing at the thought.

ALL CHAPTERS !!! | NEXT CH !!!

#nakamura kazuha x reader #le sserafim x reader #kazuha x reader #nakamura kazuha #ive x reader #kazuha #le sserafim #gxg #kpop #kim chaewon #huh yunjin #miyawaki sakura #hong eunchae

52 notes · View notes

stone-stars · 1 year ago

Text

Transcript:

Murph: You see a giant figure attempting to push open a door. Before anything else, you recognize the giant greatsword on his back. Howl. Your mother's sword. Calder: Need a little help? Murph: Gowan turns around. Gowan: What are you doing here, Calder? Calder: Looks like you're struggling with that door. Just wanna make sure you know you can always ask for help.

Calder: What can we do for you? Command us. Gowan: With all due respect, Calder. I always thought you would've made a great ranger, but… you are not a ranger. You left. So, the most I can ask of you is to please look out for mom and dad. But, I'll talk to my rangers and I'll figure out a way to take care of this. Thank you all for everything.

Murph: He… looks away from you. Gowan: I already have help. There's nothing you can do for me.

Calder: I-- no. No. I don't wanna be protected anymore. I wanna help.

Calder: Well. You're my brother. The least you can do is let me try.

Gowan: Calder. I'm proud of you. You've gone out on your own, and you've met people who seem like great friends. And you braved the tundra, you came out, you warned us, and we appreciate that. But again. You chose not to be a ranger.

Murph: Gowan starts to walk towards you. Gowan: Alright. Can you make a hard choice here? Calder: We can make a choice together, that's what we can do. You don't have to do it yourself. Gowan: I made a deal with Alexandrite, Calder.

Calder: What are you worried about? Gowan: I'm just-- I'm worried about everyone. I don't know how Mom did it. It feels like everyone who died, died on my watch.

Gowan: She told me that she'd already snuck replicants into the village, and that she'd take out everyone one by one until I gave her the Ice Knife. She can't get in here. Havoc won't let her. And to prove it she killed my best friend, and told me if I told anyone, Mom and Dad would be next. She replaced our neighbors. Have ya talked to any of our neighbors? Because they're watching the house. They absorbed Ingrid. And then you told me she's bringing in more from the lake. She knows everything, Calder. She's everywhere. Calder: Yeah. Yeah, we might be fucked. But we can be fucked together. We can-- we can go down fighting, or you can-- or you can sacrifice yourself like some martyr. But that's not gonna help us. Gowan: If it was just sacrificing myself, I would gladly do it, Calder. But what would you do in my situation?

Murph: Calder, as you are battling with Ultrus here, it feels like the world is being pulled apart as Glen is trying to remove this helm from your head. You see like, cracks. As you look up into the sky, you see the battlefield projected. You see that Callie is missing, you have no idea where she is, and you see that Sol is bleeding out on the ground.

Gowan: Knife to Mom's throat, what would you do? Murph: And he pushes you.

Calder: Ultrus! Make a deal with me! I will let you go. I’ll let you choose your side in this war. Just… don’t let Glen hurt my friends. Ultrus: You would give up yourself? Calder: If that’s the choice you ask me to make.

Calder: I might've done the same thing. I might've done the same thing. But you have to understand that somebody coming in this thing with fresh eyes, somebody who's seen her up close, you don't know the duplicity that she's capable of. You're acting on intel that you got from Alexandrite! Gowan: The intel that I got from you was that Gregor was compromised! And that just meant I stayed around until she killed Ingrid! Calder: So she wants us not to trust each other. She wants us not to work together. She wants us fractured and weak, like this. Gowan: We are fractured and weak, Calder! She's here already! Calder: So circle up with us!

Gowan: Well, if there's one good thing about being a leader in a time like this, it's-- it's that I'm really glad I got to make you a ranger. Calder: Yeah. And… and Gowan I think we're gonna have… we're gonna have a long time together, fighting side by side. Gowan: I hope that we could be so lucky.

Calder: You are my brother, aren't you? Murph: You see the bloodlust kind of leaves Gowan's eyes, and he looks down, and he goes Gowan: Yeah. Yeah I am. Okay.

#naddpod #ba2mia #calder kilde #gowan kilde #jake hurwitz #brian murphy #look guys i’m. i’m normal. abt the new ep #naddclips #weavings #c3e57 #c3e54 #c3e55 #c3e29

115 notes · View notes

arivsxq · 10 months ago

Text

Meddle About Chapter 1

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Theme: strangers to lovers, angsty shit

Warnings: smut, hookup, fwb, mdni, maybe slow updates

Word count: 2,5k+

Songs: Meddle about-Chase Atlantic

Heartbeat-Childish Gambino

A/N: read the teaser first for some context

I'm not a big fan of one-night stands, but it happens when it happens. That's why I love waking up before the other person. I can snuck out without them noticing and I succeed this time too. The man, I don't even know the name of, was sleeping like a baby when I left his apartment. He was cute and the sex was better than I had expected from a one-night stand but that's it. When I got home, I first got under the shower. The memories of last night were blurry and I couldn't even make out what we talked about.

When I looked down my body I noticed the marks he had left on me. Purple tiny spots covered my breasts and stomach, and probably my neck too but I didn't even dare to look into the mirror because, from the start of the day, I knew that I looked as horrible as I felt.

My day wasn't fascinating. The only thing I did was study for my upcoming exam and have mental breakdowns because I didn't understand shit. That's why I impatiently said yes when Carla asked me to go out with her and some university friends. She sent me the location of the restaurant they were meeting up and it was only 15 minutes from my apartment. I didn't put on anything too fancy. A pair of jeans combined with a strapless top. After getting my purse and jacket I made my way to the restaurant, hoping to loosen up a bit and stop thinking about my studies.

It's 9 pm when I reach the restaurant. For something in Gangnam, it looks a bit cheap but I don't mind it. As soon as I enter the building a familiar voice calls me. "y/n!" Carla's voice echoes through the whole restaurant while she waves at me. My feet start making their way to the huge table where a lot of people are sitting. Probably 16 I would say. Some faces are familiar and some are not but my mouth falls almost open when I see a particular face. It's him. The guy I spent the night with. Our gazes meet and he looks as confused as I do. I didn't know he goes to the same university as we do.

"omg, I'm so glad you made it. Hey guys" Carla shouts into the round "This is my friend Y/n" I cringe at the feeling of everyone staring at me even though I love to be the center of attention, but something makes it different this time. I mean who wouldn't be embarrassed when the guy you slept with and sneaked out of his house was staring? He was pissed. I could see it in his eyes, Who would have thought an action like this would hurt his ego? Okay, I get it, it was a bitchy move from me just to leave but isn't that what everyone does? Who the fuck wants to talk to their one-night stand on the next day after sobering up? Not me.

"you can sit here" Sungwoo and his little friend group interrupt my thoughts. I mentally roll my eyes but make my way to them because the other option doesn't sound so great either. Sitting beside the bunny guy isn't something I want to do. I don't have problems with meeting people I had sex with but this is too fresh. Literally. 24 hours ago I didn't even know about his existence and now I'm seeing him again after thinking that I won't ever see him again. Fuck my life, why does this always happen to me? I feel his eyes on my back as I walk to the guys.

"wow you look so different today, did you do something to your skin or get a new haircut?"

"Sungwoo I don't wanna fuck you so please shut your mouth if you want to continue talking shit," I say annoyed without even looking at him. Maybe Bunny Guy would have been a better option. Sungwoo didn't say a thing when his friends started to laugh about my comment. Idiots. I didn't pay attention to them. My eyes were fixed on him. He was talking to Namjoon, the son of my father's business partner. Why the fuck did everyone know him except me? Was I so focused on me and myself that I didn't notice someone like him?

"Hey, do you know that guy?" my words come almost out like a whisper. Cole looks at me confused "him?". He points at the Bunny Guy. "Yeah"

"Oh that's Jungkook"

"Jungkook?"

"Eh yes"

"Who is he?"

"He is the photography major guy" I look at him confused. "He takes photos?" Cole explains as if I was a bigger idiot than Sungwoo. "I know what photography is. But how does everybody know him except me?"

"I don't know"

"Wow you are a big help" I roll my eyes and continue staring at him. "Don't stare too much. He has a girlfriend" When Cole's voice reaches me my eyes widen and I turn to face him with a loud "What?". Maybe too loud, because some of the people turn their heads in our direction. I give myself an mental punch in the face because holy shit this is embarrassing.

I turn back toward Jungkook, now feeling a strange mix of irritation and confusion. A girlfriend? If he has a girlfriend, what the hell was he doing with me last night? I could feel my heart racing, anger bubbling up inside. For a moment, I debated storming over and confronting him right there in front of everyone. But then I remembered the last thing I wanted was more drama, especially in public. Instead, I forced myself to take a deep breath and let it go. Or at least, pretend to. I plaster a fake smile on my face, trying to shake off the weirdness of the situation.

Everyone, oblivious to the tension, were still talking to each other about something I couldn't care less about. I knew I wasn't going to enjoy this night. Not with Jungkook sitting there, looking like the world's biggest hypocrite. And yet, I couldn't help but glance at him every few minutes. His eyes met mine a few times, and I could see a mixture of emotions on his face anger, sadness, maybe even a little regret.

My mind kept racing. Maybe Cole was wrong. Maybe Jungkook didn't have a girlfriend. Or maybe they had broken up, and it wasn't as big of a deal as I was making it out to be. But I knew better than to get my hopes up. Guys like Jungkook good-looking, and confident usually had a line of girls waiting for their attention.

As I sipped my drink, trying to calm my nerves, Carla leaned over and whispered, "You okay? You seem a bit off." I forced another smile. "Yeah, just tired. Been studying all day." She nods, buying my excuse, and goes back to chatting with her friends. I tried to focus on the conversation at the table, but it was pointless. My mind keeps drifting back to last night, trying to piece together the blurry memories. The way he looked at me, the way he touched me, it didn't seem like something a guy with a girlfriend would do.

But who was I kidding? I wasn't some innocent victim here. I was the one who chose to sneak out without a word, who didn't even care enough to remember his name until tonight. Maybe this was just karma catching up with me.

As the evening dragged on, I found myself slipping further into my thoughts, barely engaging with anyone around me. I just wanted to get out of there, to go home and forget this ever happened. But I knew I couldn't run away this time. Not with Jungkook sitting there, a constant reminder of the mess I had gotten myself into.

I needed to get out of here, away from him, away from the confusion swirling in my mind. I get up and walk to Carla. "Gonna catch some fresh air" I whisper to her. She shows me a thumbs-up and continues talking to the others. I make my way out of the restaurant and start walking in some direction I didn't know where it would lead me.

"Hey!" I hear a male voice calling after me. Fuck. It's him. I turn around and my guess is confirmed. Jungkook stands there a few meters away from me. I give him a confused look, asking what he wants. He starts walking towards me but stops when there is a good distance between us. "Sneaking out like today morning?" Asshole. "I'm not sneaking out, just trynna get some fresh air".

"Did that in the morning too?" I try to not roll my eyes at his comment "Look I'm sorry, I didn't know you would act so fucking sensitive about it." Jungkook's eyes narrow slightly like he's trying to figure out whether or not I'm sorry. Spoiler alert: I'm not. But I guess he's not buying it. He steps closer, and I can feel the tension building between us.

"Sensitive?" He scoffs, crossing his arms. "You think I'm being sensitive because you bailed without saying anything?"

"Look, it wasn't personal," I say, trying to keep my voice even. "It was just... I don't know, easier that way."

"Easier for you," he counters, his tone sharp. "You don't think I might've wanted to talk? Maybe actually know the person I slept with?"

His words hit me harder than I expected. Maybe because, deep down, I know he's right. But I'm not about to admit that to him, or myself. So I shrug, trying to play it cool. "Honestly? No. I didn't think about it. I didn't think about you."

He flinches, just slightly, but I catch it. And for some reason, it stings. I was hoping he'd be pissed, maybe throw some snarky remark my way, but this... this is worse. He looks genuinely hurt. And that's when I start to feel like the asshole I've been trying to pretend I'm not.

"I don't regret walking out this morning. If I knew you had a girlfriend I would have never slept with you." The words slip out before I can stop them, and his eyes widen.

"What?" His voice is low, almost a whisper. He looks around like he's making sure no one's overhearing our conversation. "Who told you that?"

"Does it matter?" I shoot back, crossing my arms. "You're the one who hooked up with me last night even though you already have someone. I hope she finds a guy that won't bullshit her like that"

Jungkook's face hardens, and for a second, I think he's going to walk away. But then he shakes his head. "I don't have a girlfriend"

My eyebrows shoot up in surprise. "You don't?"

"Yeah," he mutters, running a hand through his hair. "I hook up with this one chick but that's it. She's not my girlfriend or friend"

Complicated. Of course, it is. Isn't it always? I want to ask more, to figure out what the hell is going on, but something stops me. Maybe it's the look in his eyes, a mix of confusion and frustration, or maybe it's just the realization that I'm not sure I want to know.

"Okay," I say finally, my voice softer. "I get it."

He looks at me, searching my face for something maybe understanding, maybe just a sign that I'm not a total jerk. I don't know if he finds it, but after a moment, he sighs.

"Why did you leave like that?" he asks, his voice quieter now. "Was it really that bad?"

I hesitate the truth on the tip of my tongue. But instead, I offer him a small, rueful smile. "No, it wasn't bad. I just... I don't do the morning-after thing, okay? It's easier for me to leave before it gets awkward."

"Yeah," he says, and there's that look again like he's not sure if he should be angry or just let it go. "Well, next time, maybe just say goodbye." His last words linger in the air like a challenge, and I can't help but feel the sting. "Next time, maybe just say goodbye." Next time? Did he really think there'd be a next time? Or was he just messing with me?

"Sure," I mumble, more to myself than to him. I'm already regretting stepping outside, already feeling the walls closing in. I wasn't built for these lingering, unspoken feelings. My MO has always been simple: in and out, no strings, no attachments. But now, standing here with Jungkook, it's like the rules I live by are starting to crack. Jungkook's still watching me, his eyes softening just a bit, like he's trying to see through the layers I've carefully built up. It's unnerving like he's trying to figure me out, and I hate that. I hate how vulnerable it makes me feel.

"So...we're good?" He asks carefully with a sight smile. "Yeah," I nod and return the smile. "How about we start all over again, without this...thing?" Jungkook suggests making me a bit skeptical. "Sure" I respond unsure and he notices that. "I'm Jungkook" he reaches out his hand while my arms are still crossed.

"Really?"

"Yeah"

"Ugh I can't believe I'm really doing this" I give him my hand for a shake and say with a fake smile "I'm y/n". "nice to meet you y/n" a laugh escapes my mouth and not much long after he starts laughing too. "Okay, I think that's enough," I say still laughing and Jungkook responds with a "Fine".

***

We walk in silence til Jungkook starts talking again. "So I suppose that we are at the same university". I nod awkwardly. "Ehm which major are you?" "Art" my response is short and quick, not wanting to expose too much about myself. Jungkook makes an "o" form with his mouth and continues with "So we are in the same building". I don't say anything. There is a long silence between us. An awkward one before, again, Jungkook starts talking.

"Can I have your number?"

"my number?"

"yes"

"Uhm-" my phone interrupts the moment with it's vibrating. Carla's name is on the display and after giving Jungkook an apologetic look I bring the phone to my ear. "Hey, where are you?" she says clearly a bit drunk. "I'm still taking some fresh air. You okay?" "It's been already half an hour and yes I'm okay. By the way, did you see the tattooed guy by chance? Jungkook?" Carla talks a bit faster than usual, making me start to worry because usually, that means she is already at the point where she won't stop drinking.

"Yeah, he is standing next to me. We will be back in a few minutes, and Carls? Please don't drink so much" When the phone call ends Jungkook and I make our way back to the restaurant where our friends are. It only takes about 10 minutes til we're sitting in there again, getting bored by the things the people around us are saying. I catch Jungkooks eyes lingering on me, making me give him a soft smile. If I only knew what a mess this man would make in my life.

#jungkook #jeon jungkook #smut #fanfic #bts #fwb

32 notes · View notes

jils-things · 1 year ago

Text

I would never fall in love again until I found her

I said, "I would never fall unless it's you I fall into"

I was lost within the darkness, but then I found her

I found you

[3.25.23]

ouueeehh we're back to my corny love letters like last time 💜 again absolutely NO pressure reading these, because it WILL get lengthy 💜 this also serves as a personal love letter that i can archive!

ahh, steven st.one. a wild card in my f/o list. i never thought i'd find myself to like him... i've always tried my best to avoid the pretty boy design after i've gotten older which is why i was oddly in denial during my early steven days hehe... the earliest memory i have of him is just me battling him in my ruby emulator back in the 4th grade - but i don't think i actually remembered him too well, i only thought he looked like a silly anime version of the classical composer be.ethoven and tbh, i still like to think he does look like him in the rse style lolll 💜

for the whole, actual story - it was just last year - i was reading the r/s arc, of course. it was one of those days in school where i had nothing much to do and snuck my phone to read manga to pass some time. at some point, my classmate joined to read with me - it was at this moment where steven debuts properly and it caught my classmate by Surprise. she thought he looked very handsome! to which i teased her... strangely enough, this exchange impacted me? maybe it's because someone acknowledged what i was doing and even bothered to briefly read along with me - so in a way steven kinda bookmarked that memory.

so after that exchange, i just kept on reading. everytime he had something to say, i couldn't help but just stare at his face? he looked nice, i guess? he's also very gentle and polite... i kept this thought of mine for quite sometime until i was discussing the manga arc with my p.okespe mutual and he mentioned him. i somewhat confessed he looked nice and that was the biggest mistake i've ever done because what my friend did after was absolutely blow me with art after art of the pretty rock collector and i was STRUGGLING. it ultimately came down to this one cute panel in the o.ras chapter where he was blushing and I wasn't the same person since then 🚶🚶🚶and funnily enough, i told myself I wasn't going to fall for anyone because of the manga and whoopedoo p.okespe!steven my beloved the greatest man ever. i mean i love the game counterpart as well, they're nearly identical - it's just the manga that totally swept me... sighhhh

steven is such a nice character to begin with, he's honestly a very humble and nice champion. he's not showy about his identity and would rather be alone by himself to indulge in what he wants. he is willing to give up a very respectable position in the po.kemon league just to pursue his interests and with that i see a man not after power and fame but a man who just wants to find joy in what he does even if it demotes him. on top of that, he's just a sweet gentleman. he was raised well of course, and you can see it clearly in his acts in the story. i love him very much for that and who wouldn't want those traits?

i was really absolutely embarrassed to be all over this guy at first - it took a whole month for me to actually share to my blog about how i liked steven and took awhile to adjust to that fact that i opened up about it 😭 but the community was very kind and supportive about the pairing and if i'm being honest, i think stevaide made a super lasting impact on my blog recently and it's really so comforting to picture them as a young loving married couple with ruby. it made me feel unashamed with what i can do with my silly ships. i'm still very glad for the endless support for steven and jaide.

soo, yes. happy memoryshipping 💜💚 thank you for making my times of struggle more bearable if not perfect and thank you to everyone who enjoys this ship even if it was just a little bit :]

credits to @/cafekitsune <3

#~ art #pokemon selfship #selfship #selfshipping #selfship community #safeshipping #there it is guys... the day #so glad i was able to make this before i got busy and i really havent been drawing anything fun so!!! ahhh #this is currently my wallpaper since rendering it and i LOVE it to bits #also yay full reveal of that chibi doodle hehehehhe #iim so happy yippepeieeyeyeee #💚 memoryshipping

142 notes · View notes

ts1m1kas · 2 years ago

Text

Original Ask: hi sweetie, could you do something about erling not being able to get away from reader, like kissing her everywhere, hugging her, touching her non stop because he missed her presence? tysm 💕💕 (anonymous)

Word Count: 516 words

(author's note: this was such a sweet request !! i love erling and i'm glad i'm getting the chance to write for him 🫶)

As the international break was drawing to a close, many footballers were returning home to family. For many, the week away was unfortunate, hard losses, injuries, or just the general heartache of being away from their loved ones.

Erling dragged himself through the airport. The only thing keeping him going was the thought of his girlfriend, who he had missed immensely over the break. He pulled his suitcase along the tiled floor, willing his legs to go faster. His heart ached. He had missed Y/N so much and was desperate to get home.

Once his taxi had picked him up, he was well on his way home. Excitement bubbled in his chest at the knowing feeling his girlfriend would be back in his arms soon.

Meanwhile, Y/N was completing one of her university assignments. She was hunched over at her desk, the light from her computer screen filling the dimly lit room. She checked the time every now and again, knowing Erling was supposed to come home soon. Soldiering on, she carried on typing up her work.

Pulling his keys out of his pocket, Erling slotted them into the keyhole and opened the front door. Dropping his bags, he had only one thing on his mind.

“Kjære, where are you?” he questioned, moving through the corridors of their home.

“I’m upstairs”, she replied, “I’ll come down.”

Jumping out of her seat, Y/N flew down the staircase, eager to welcome Erling home. She ran up to him and he held his arms open for her to jump into. She nestled her head into his chest as he rubbed his hands up and down her back.

“I missed you”, she admitted quietly, “Alot.”

“I missed you more nydelig jente”, Erling whispered in her ear, bringing his hand up to caress her hair. “Lets go sit down.”

“I need to finish my essay before anything, I’m sorry baby.” She looked up at his face to be met with a frown. Erling looked like he was contemplating something, and before she knew it, she was swept off her feet and placed into Erling’s grasp.

“Erling put me down!” she laughed, squirming in his hold. Erling said nothing and continued to walk towards their living room.

“Erling! I have my assignment to do!”

Once they’d reached the living room, Erling sat down and placed Y/N on his lap. She wrapped her legs around his waist and leaned into his chest.

“I just want to be close to you min kjærlighet, I’ve not seen you in weeks,” Erling admitted, “I hate being away from you.”

“I know I just-” Erling cut her off with a kiss. He pressed his lips to hers and intertwined their hands. Once they broke apart, he snuck in a quick second kiss, then let her head fall back onto his chest.

Y/N ran her fingers gently through his long blonde hair and, after a moment, broke the peaceful silence, “I’m sure my essay can wait.”

Erling just smiled and pulled her closer, basking in the tranquillity of being back with his lover.

#erling haaland x reader #erling haaland #football #fanfiction #fanfic #manchester city #hot footballers #by ts1m1kas #erling haaland blurb #erling haaland imagine #erling x reader

157 notes · View notes

thecapricunt1616 · 1 year ago

Text

The Bear S3 Capri Live React

WARNING! Spoilers for each episode below the cut!

EP 1 - “Tomorrow”

ASSHFBEJNSNDNEJWNENE AND WHEN IM BACK IN CHICAGO I FEEL ITTT!!!!!! WOOOOOO

CARMY HRJEJWJW YOU'RE OUT OF FREEZER JAIL MY LOVE!!

Oh your poor hand I wanna kiss it, my sweet baby :((

Omg it’s filmed so differenttttt AAAAAA!!!!

Zaddy walked in meaning business lets gOOO

Like I said in TB&HH and many of my one shots this is a STUNNING restaurant - like FUCK!!! Carmy is BRILLIANT !!

Carmen RELAX!! Jesus! With punting the chair!

Omg his notebook from The French Laundry!!! Cute

BRBEBSHSBSNSBSBSBSBSEBVELHCAA LUCAAAAAAA

COPENHAGEN OH MY GO FJEJWBDBD WERE BACK

OHRBE WE ARE SO BACK

New Yorks got everything :( OH this seeaaason is gonna rip my heart to shreeeeeds New York destroyed him.

Oh I think we are getting loads of baby chef Carmy FUCK

Oh god oh god 'subtract'??? Fuuuuck

I would hate how perfect he always is HAHAHAHA I would haaaate working with him!!!!

Cousin Steve took care of him, I'm glad someone did 🥺

Oh fucking for Carmy to kiss me like that

The kiss on the nose is everything I want to do in life

SORRY. THE WORDS OMG GOOD BOY GOOD BOY

OMG SYDCARMY KISS KISSKISSKISSIIISSS

“It’s never gonna happen again” he will die before it happens

Good apologize to Richie you FUCKING IDIOT and good for saying I’m sorry good for saying I love you. Good boy. Good boy.

He is about to make everyone miserable.

“I know you are, honey” that is his real mother figure.

While Mikey was dying Richie was destroying his marriage trying to save him and Carmy was getting verbally abused in New York. I am…gutted!

I have thought about Carmy finding out about Mike. I never. Fucking. Thought. They. Would. Show it.

ARE WE SEEING MIKES

WE ARE OH NY FJEBE WE ARE SEEING MICHAELS FUCKING OH HIS FUNERAL HE SAT. OUTSIDE. OH I AM COOKED THIS SEASON I AM C O O K E D !!!!!

“LET IT RIP BEAR” OH FHEJWBDBDB

Like a mother Nat snuck the money in his pocket. I’m fuckin CRYYYING BRO THIS SEASON IS GONNA GUT ME

The best meal Syd has ever had 🥹

The fennel makes him think of Syd because she has an allergy I’m gonna stroke out.

EP1 ; Final Thoughts - SydCarmy is SO happening if it doesn’t what the fuck are they doing. Baby Carmy is gutting me. I hope Luca doesn’t go away after this episode. Mikey. Oh, Mikey :(((. Natalie? The cinematography - oh I’m about to EAT w these fics. Oh my god.I am fucking GUUTTTEEDDD THIS SEASON IS GOING TO DESTROY ME

EP2 - “Next”

SYD! MY GORL THERE YOU ARE BBY!!!

the AirPod falling out is so real

Lmaoooo her dad !! She is absolutely moving out as soon as she can

Awww the ‘love you chef’ <3

See this music like shut up SydCarmy or bust!!! lmaooooo

Why is the fourth wall being broken???

His anxiety is so insane he is acting cracked out LMAO

CICERO OH NO - this is gonna be INSANE

Carmy needs to step off Syds dick and give her some control lmfaooo - like ? you don’t even own this place little man.

“Technique is spelt wrong but OK” BYE THIS IDIOTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

“You know buddy, I tried to call in and get you an order but they says you was back in the fridge yelling at yourself” LMFOAAOAOAO VJKFDNVLAKNLKVN I AM CRYING HE IS I LOVE UNC SO MUCH

everyone is asking him why the fuck he’s doing this and he cant say “because i cant stick my dick in syd” so he doesn’t know what to say.

He’s quitting smoking not for his health but to save … time. Alright then.

“The computer drafted the agreement so make sure you have a lawyer look at it” CAAAACKLING

DAAAAADDDYYYY RICHIEEEE

Carmen shut the fuck up you are in no position for fuck yous.

“I commend your bravery from inside a locked vault” IM DRFNDJSNENN HAHAHAHA GET HIM RICH

“Oh my god am I finally having a stroke?” “Am I having a stroke?” These POOR WOMEN SOMEONE PUT CARMEN ON A FUCKING LEASH

“I insist that you get fucked my good man” BYEEEEE HAHAHAHAHAHA RICHIE IS TOO FUNNY

They are bickering like BITCHES

his ego needs to be stroked lmaoooo he’s asking Syd to stroke his ego

“I know sweetheart, don’t be scared” NATALIEEEE HAHAHAH It's ok Fak I'M scared of Carmy rn lmao.

holy fucking shit Carmen you are driving me CRRAAAAZYY SHUT UP

“This is scary” FAK, HONEY I KNOW CARMY IS CRACKED OUT

“Every day Jeffery-Ballet?” TINA HAHAHAHA I LOVE THAT

This IS banana town sweetheart Fak

“Sup PIMP” PLEEEASE HAHAHA

“He was gonna tell us what he said to Claire”- Richie: “classic behavior dysregulation” PLLLEEASE

“Then I actually take it back, fuck you” i love Richie down

“What’s nunya” “nunya fuckin business” THE WAY IM CRRRY LAUGHINGGGGG LMFAAAAOOOOO THIS IS A GLIMPSE OF HIS CHILDHOOD

The gum chewing is sexy

“Is that what you did” “no i’m just here if you need anything” oh, Carmy :(

Oh, Marcus :((((((. “Take us there bear” “yes chef” oh my god I’m crying again

EP2 ; Final Thoughts - Carmen needs to fucking relax and I’m gonna say this probably a lot. Omg the fighting with Richie in this episode was pissing me off they are fighting like catty brothers!!! The moment with Marcus at the end really got to me. This was overall though a hilarious episode

EP3 - “Doors”

Marcus mom funeral!! Awww I’m glad they all are there for him. Thiiis is the moms funeral, ok, so they did it all in one day the shooting for both funerals so we wouldn’t know!!!

I wonder how Carm feels he’s there for Marcus’ mom but wasn’t for his brother

Wow this speech must be so impactful for Carmy to get a glimpse into someone else’s life like this

Look alive lizards we are OPENN

Richie is so goooodddd at his job 🥹🫶

For the bear and his honey fans princess cake is 100% going in there hahahah

Hmm things are going a bit too well

Carmy throwing so much good decent edible food away makes me twitch.

Carmy and his little edible flowers hahaha I love it

“The rare Transylvanian 5 titted goat?!” CICEROOO HAHAHAH

“Joy” “this is a waste of time, give it to sugar” HAHAHAHA

LMAOOO SINGING HAPPY BDAY IN SPANISH HAHAHA LOVE IT

Fak not putting it ON THE TABLE and Richie being like “keep my mans name out of your mouth “ PLLLELEEEASEE

Something abt Carmy cleaning is so hot

GRAAAHHH THAT PIECE OF BACK SKIN POKING OUT OF HIS SHIRT WHEN HE BENDS OVER

They’re being so too hard on tina :((

Richie is bringing patrons to the kitchen and Carmy is just violently bitching Syd out I am dead also, someone get the belt i’m gonna beat him.

This goes out to everyone who said there’s no chance the bear could fail and that it was a stupid idea it could? (cough- ex moots, cough) ; please tell me why they don’t even have a star and they’re already doing poorly with funds

I can’t- Carmen and Richie are fully going at each others throats and physically fighting.

Please Fak just grilling customers for info.

Carmy is SO little brother and I wanna choke him “we’ll figure it out” “ME?” “I’m trying to use less shiiittt >:(“ like a winey bitch - YOU ARE AN ADULT SHE IS THERE TO HELP YOU YOU LITTLE COCKSUCKER DO YOUR GOD DAMN JOB EFFICIENTLY

Carmy is losing it he needs to be medicated ASAP

Thank GOD Syd is putting her foot down and telling him to shut up

Syd looks fed the fuck up, rightfully

EP3 ; Final Thoughts - Holy shit Carmen is going nuts. Sydcarmy is going so hard rn he needs to finish shit with Claire so he can admit his feelings to himself about Syd. He needs to stop being so mean to her, he is going to cause her to panic. Whats so funny is I drafted Carmy bitching Syd out in my OC fic in the most recent chapter before this even came out (but in my world (in girl world) winnie is behind him chewing his ass out and literally told him he’s acting like his old boss) But it’s funny because hes literally telling her abusive ass shit his boss told him.

EP4 - “Violet”

Ohhhhh to kiss Carmy that way. A dream

The nose kiss oh my god oh my god

He’s such a good listener

He is so fucking - oh my god this man. This man. I need him astronomically

Marcus :(((

I love Syd’s scarf but also lmao the stress of that docu - I get you girl hahah

Yaaaay she’s moving!

This apartment is stunning!!!

DAD RICHIEEEE AHSHDJSHSHJ EVA OMG CUTIE PATTOOOTIEEE

Him laying with her is so cute.

“He’s not my uncle like Carmy” 🥹PLS SO CUTE

This is so good such kid convo omgggg kids are just like thissss!! He’s such a good dad omfg playing her handdddd fuckFUCKCJCKCJC expect more Richie content soon

DONNAS GOING TO TIFFS WEDDING OMG!!!!!

Yes daddy TAKE THAT RING OFF YOURE A NEW MAN PAPA

LMFAOAOAOA THEM SCREAMING HELP

“Maybe you’ve reached as far as your talent can go” makes MY stomach hurt, dawg

“I feel like Bear is starting to respect me” please the way they look up to him I cantttt lmao

YAY MORE DAD RICHIE

TAYLOR SWIFT!!!!!!!!!!

This Frank guy is weird- they made a great job at making this feel awkward as fuck.

HE DID INVITE HIM TO THE WEDDING OH GOD

that’s my girl!

Oh is she about to get poached

Oooo like not Carmy??? Oooooo hes trying to poach her

Marcus has such nicely manicured hands

The way they just stuff snacks in faks mouth to make him go away hahaha love it

Mmhmm this season will make me fall more in love with Richie then ever before

Richie. Richie. Richie. Richie. Richie. Oh my god. My heart is being ripped out

Wait they’re being reviewed for a star?! Already? They JUST opened!

EP4 ; Final Thoughts - This was SUCH a Richie episode! I loved it alot :))) <3!!! So many Dad!Richie moments that made me smile. He also almost made me cry with his whole being alone thing. I will remedy my sadness with writing Richie fics literally probably tomorrow because holy holy holy this man I need to give him kissesssssss

EP5 - “Children”

So do the Bears all have the same alarm clocks?

Marcus speech really touched Natalie :((

Carmen doing the boxes by himself HAHAHA its what he deserves!! BAD BOY!

Syd the ultimate good friend helping Marcus with his moms stuff

Syd looks so cute her outfit is adorable

Lmaooo Syd with her dead mom club jokes she’s too funny I see why Carmy is so whipped

The Bear and His Honey is going to fucking SLAP with this new Carmy content WOW

Him throwing away more food that is perfect literally perfect. *sarcasm*

I wanna leave hickeys on Richie’s neck so bad - it’s so pretty

Omg Carmys mentor closing the restaurant- he’s spiraling and looking at the every second counts she instilled in him- oh god.. Oh god-

Richie has grown so much im so so proud of him!

He is crushing on this girl from Ever so hard

IS THAT JOHN CENA?!

JOHN CENA IS A FAK I AM DBHSJABDBEBE HAHAHAHAH

Carmy is gonna get his legs broken if he doesn’t cut it out hahahaha

Fak drinking a Capri-sun LOL

Omgggg him saying to fire Marcus you are CRAZY

Lmaooo Jimmy venting to syd and saying that carmy has a tree up his ass

Carmy finding baby pics I’m SICK

EP5 ; Final Thoughts - WOWOWOWOW This is the last ep. I am watching tonight I need to digest. This was such a cute Richie ep. I am so in love with Dad!Richie. He is such a good, good dad. I also am dead- John Cena as a Fak? And having a mikey esc. Haircut???? And smoking in the restaurant- and then them saying it smells like smoke I am dead as fuck. Richie really really wants this review to go well, I hope it does:((

EP6 - “Napkins”

Good morning! time for e6 It is Directed by Ayo so i fear it is gonna kill me :) !

Well at least Tina has a normal clock

Oooo get down on it!!!! Let’s go Tina!!! Get in that groove mama!

Tina is so Puerto Rican mom I love it so so much

Tina’s married?! I love it!! how sweet

If Mikey’s in here- I’m gonna fucking die

Baker tina!! Oh- customer service Tina? No! Books Tina!!! Smart girl!! that’s my lady :))

NOOOO - WHAT ?! THEY’RE LETTING HER GO?!

THIS IS WHAT LANDED HER AT THE BEEF??? THIS???

Oh Tina I’ve been there mama you’ll land on your feet :((( That’s right baby everything will be ok

One thing about this show is all of the characters need routine

The degree thing pisses me off to no end because of how real it is. Like shes been doing this 15 years and knows it better then someone right out of school with a stupid degree.

Awww Tina and hubs been together so long!! So sweet I love it her husband is good to her.

I sooo love Tina is getting her moment the actress is so kind and amazing

Woah I thought the big interview would be at the beef LOLLLL like not that it’s big but that they really need her lolll

Oh my god. They hired someone ??? What the fuck and didnt tell her?!! RUDEEEE

This little fucking prick oh my god yes Tina fuck him

Aw baby I wanna hug her it’ll be fine mama I know it doesn’t feel like it

Bus is delayed SO SHE COULD APPLY AT THE BEEF HAHAHAHAHA

THERES MY MANNNN RICHIEEE!! HES SO HOT AAAA

“Maam you can’t smoke in here anymore” I can’t hahaha

Everyone calling him handsome I can’t hahah he is! But still hahaha

Omggg richieeee I love him he’s always been so sociallll!! Get ready to eat with the beef Richie oh. Wow. This whole scene is so chef kiss i cant wait to write more the beef!richie

FAKS FAKS FAKS ok where’s Mikey HDBDHAHSHEBDNEBSBD. THERE HE IS IN SHFJENSNSJEJEJENDNEJWKA

MIKEY OH MY GOD JEJSNANQ

RICHIE LMAO STOP THEY ACT HOW IN KNOW THEY WOULDDD

“She can’t be crying in here” I am done LMAO

I fear I’m seeing the Mikey crush AAA “sandwich really that bad??” Stop being funny !! I also see how he got Carmy out of his panic attacks what a brother stop Mikey!! Why would you do that Mikey everyone loved you so muchhh 🥺💔

Gosh Mikey IS so handsome

THE HAUNTED EXPLODING TOILET THAT CARM IS STILL DEALING WITH HAHAHAHA

oh my god Carmy takes after him SO SO SO MUCH oh my god Carmy takes after him so much

Oh my gosh I didn’t realize she was older then Richie!! 46 means something in this show- did Mikey…at 46? If he did I will fucking sue

OMG SHOWING HER THE PIC OH ANS TELLING ABOUT CARMY SHUT UP HE “hes the shit” he wasn’t allowed to work at the beef because mikey knew that he’s better then the beef. He sees so much in him I knew that was the case!!! I’m sick

My god !! Carmy!! Takes!!! After Mikey so fucking MUCH!!!

Oh Mikey- oh. Mikey. Oh Mikey. Oh Mikey. Oh Michael Berzatto. Hit me while I’m down PAL kick me why don’t you?! “I knew I was gonna get skipped because I had people to take care of” I knew this episode would make me sick.

oh my god when Tina said she loved Mikey she loved Mikey like a good friend and I am so gutted when Carmy says everyone loved Mikey and he just lit a room up and could make anyone comfortable oh my god I’m so gutted!!!!!!!!!!!

EP6 ; Final Thoughts - This episode let us truly meet Michael & oh my god it’s almost painful to watch these back to back like- this is a lot to digest holy fuck. When Carmen talked about a temp in a room and how Mikey could feel it then lean into it and manipulate it however he wanted. He did such a good job portraying that. I’d give anything for him to have just called Carmy when he was on that bridge and for him to have answered and for Carmy to change his mind. Oh my god I’m so- like oh my god? This show. I can’t.

EP7 - “Legacy”

Carmy so pretty :)

Oh Richie. Thinking about :((( everything.

Syd thinking of Carmy

SHE IS GETTING POACHED BY EVER MAN OH NO

good Carmy is back at AI-ANON

so much fucking family hahahah god I love Italians hey uncle Gary!

*sighs* good morning, Syd.

Oh. Ok he’s opening his own place ok…and he’s asking her I KNEW IT POACHER!! POACHER!!!!!

oh my god he’s offering her a real CDC job - with a real good salary, it would be healthier for her sadly!!!!!!

How’d I headcanon Carmy knew French PUUUURRIODD 😌

“You look nice” ha. Ha. Ha. Shoot me in the FUCKING FACE

The gum chewing HNNNNG IM CHEWING ON MY CAGE

“That sounds legendary pal” I WANT TO KISS HIM ON HIS STUPID MOUTH

ARE THEY PART TIME THE BEEF NOW?!! OH MY GOD- THEY ARE!!! EBRA IS LIVINGGGG HAHAH OMG THIS IS SO COOL???

“Matter of fak supply” LOL

Richie is taking this so seriously which makes me more mad how Carmy treats him like he really is so good at the job and loves it.

Aw he really misses Tiff. :( he’s so different now and wishes he could go back so bad but he’s gonna find someone that I’ll be very jealous of bc I need this man SO BAD

Oh him crying abt Mikey- no stop I can’t

SYDS TURN IN THE BOXESS HAHAHAH

“Hey grandpa” “hey grandma” I love Ebra and Tina sm lol and her mimicking his accent they’re adorable

“Maybe you can go fuck, Ted” hahahaha I love telling people to go fuck now

Eva’s drawing in Richie’s host book 🥹🫶

Carmen I wanna choke you out so bad! Can you take a single suggestion ???

THE BABY IS COMING :D!!!!

EP7 ; Final Thoughts - Another good episode!! Very balanced which I like, the character centered episodes feel very heavy but I still love them. I'm just happy that we got a little bit of a second to breathe!! I think it’s cool how they’re doing the beef on the side, like so cool! I never thought of that as an option. Because it’s true the neighborhood would probably miss their local sandwich spot! I liked this episode a lot :) Carmy can go fuck this episode, though he’s in the dog house and I hope Syd leaves to teach him a lesson! (& it makes him realize he loves her!!!)

EP8 - “Ice Chips”

I’m guessing before we start Nat is gonna find comfort not in her brother, but in Syd!

Oh poor Nat all alone :( PETE ANSWER THE PHONE- SYD ANSWER -CARMY ANSWER !!! SOMEONE ANSWERRRRR

CLAIRE SHES FINDING COMFORT IN CLAIRE. NO HER MOM!!! OH MY GOD OH DONNAAAAAA WHAT

oh my god Donna SUGAR oh my god sugar snapping on Donna I can’t

COACHING. SHES BEING A MOM HAHAHAH PLEASEE

someone get someone here other then Donna

My Scorpio sissy Natalie !!! 11/10/88 (this confirms to me carmy is still in his 20s theres no way hes 33 when nat is 34)

Donna needs to leave this is the worst she’s the worst birth partner ever

At least Donna is being nice

She never told her mom she was pregnant??? Wow!

Donna’s labor with Carmy being so incredibly hard is honestly canon! That is so funny actually. Yeah that kid makes everything hard for himself!

lol you get that epidural queen!!!

I’m glad Donna is hearing that she scared them as children.

Donna is an alcoholic because her mother had problems

Ok I’m feeling Donna sympathy

Oh a mothers love. Please STOP THIS I DONT WANN A FEEL BAD FOR DONNA

EP8 ; Final Thoughts - wow. Wowowowowowowowow 0 Carmy and 0 Richie basically but this was nats episode and Donna’s! I am happy we were able to see the sweet side of Donna, I think (and hope !!) she is on the right path to sobriety!!! This episode was very tender , I loved hearing about their childhoods more <3 Nat is gonna be a good mommy!!!

EP9 - “Apologies”

Magic? Ok sick, ok Marcus!! That’s who was watching this ok then wonder what thats about?

“Claire is peace” please- the thought of her gives you a panic attack.

He’s gonna apologize this episode Jesus we wasted a whole season still no sydcarmykiss. It’s ok guys stay strong we’ll be there next season

Yes Syd leave him

Carmen you are nuts!!!

Richie and Carmy staring at eachother through the window like bears about to kill eachother is freaking me out.

Syd say it -

Oh wait it’s the funeral for ever lol! I forgot that’s the funeral. Ok not worried

He goes to the walk in to try to make it in his mind like he hasn’t waited all this time to apologize hahahaha

AND RIGHT TO SYD AND THE AGREEMENNT I DJSJEBDJSJEHSHWHSBD SYDCARMY TILL I dIEEEE

“Missing one, that wouldn’t the the thing happened to be wedged up your ass the last few weeks is it?” JIMMYYYYY HAHAHAHAHAHA

Jesus this man’s eyes literally glow blue

He owes him sooo much money wow

Tina and Marcus are so cute

Carmy and his drawings are adorable

Ten minutes left and Carmy hasn’t said sorry lol

His little smile at the farm AAAA

Syd ls bringing them food before Carmy

No she’s right Carmy I’m sorry why wouldn’t it be immediate insurance what is … wrong with you?

Oh my god fak going to see Claire Fak leave now no no no no no no no no oh my god this is so bad

Mommy Nat 🥹💖

Aw Carmy looking at mikes funeral card 😭💔

EP9 ; Final Thoughts - Why does this season not feel done?! Well prob because they’re gonna do a season 4. But still there’s no way they can finish all of this in one episode. Holy moly the Faks need to stop interfering this is so bad!!!! Too many Faks!! Ok I can’t last episode time AAA

E10 - “Forever” !!!!!!

This mentor I like very much

He took the popes nose thing from this mentor hahaha

This man who mentored Carmy it’s understandable why he was so driven or like, inspired to keep going

LUCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA LUCAAA LUCA LUCA LUCA LUCA

LUCA LUCA HES SO CUTE HRJJEJSJEJDNDJSNSNS ��is that injected? Or is it…oh..ok” CUTE SHY EMBARASSED LUCAAAAAA

OMG CARMY MINGLING GOOD BOY!!!

Richie is crushing on Jess hard

Luca oh baby I wanna kiss himmm oh him

SYDYFBDNANA. SYD SYD SYD SYD CARMY IS GONNA EXPLODE

oh my fid oh my god oh my god oh my god his boss his his oh my god

Oh my god oh m y god “working for a bad boss is the worst because the culture you’re a part of is the culture you create” Carmen is spiraling rn (the next chapter of my oc fic is gonna go crazy)

Syd being more sociable then Carmy bc Carmy is panicking

This smug bastard loves that he makes Carmen squirm I wanna punch him

“This is why you’re alone you can’t handle this” I’m going to fucking stab something

Carmy finds 0 joy in cooking anymore.

Richie is so lovable the boss loves him and knew him for less then a week hahahahah

Carmy OH CARMY CARMY CARMY OH CARMY “generally being you” my jaw is my jaw my jaw my jaw my jaw my jaw on THE FLOOOOORRRRRRRRRR. Oh my god. He’s such this asshole boss I hope he dies holy fuck HOW DARE HE HOW DARE HE HOW DARE HE HOW DARE HE. I WANT TO PEEL OFF HIS SKIN

Luca and Syd??? Ok- I say go for it queen

My mind is blown so far this is so amazing but also how the fuck hasn’t he sorted with Claire and S3 is closing???

Omg after party at SYDS?! Where is Carmy??? literally Marcus and Tina are there and the Faks?? He has to be seeing Claire there’s no way why would he miss out on this!!!!

If only Carmy got to be apart of something fun. Of course he’d deprive himself. OF COURSE

He is… giving Syd ptsd like his boss did to him. She is having done to her what was done to him.

Oh Syd. Oh Syd. Oh you need to get out of there baby it’s killing you. I hate seeing her upset its hurting me.

Their review was bad…. :((((((((((((

YES I KNEW ITTTTTT!! TO BE CONTINUED !!!!! ASDFGHJKLASDFGHJKL

EP10/S3 ; Overall Final Thoughts -

IM CRYING omggggg omg omg omg omg omg omg the whole thing with the boss had me in actual tears. TB&HH is about to eat so hard so so hard oh I have so many ideas AAAA and I’m so in love w Richie even more then last season he is totally crushing on Jess. Oh my god syd needs to get out of the bear Carmy is actually killing her. He is doing to her what his boss did to him and that’s evil!!! Evil evil. Oh my god so many thoughts I have but wow just wow. I can’t most of all wait to read the rest of the fandoms thoughts WOW my fics are about to eat I’m so inspired ALSO SydCarmy fics are about to be so angsty and eeeeeaaaatttttt!! He is slowly killing his girl, also - him being able to say sorry to syd but not claire??? I’m mad that the Faks had so much screentime like they were funny sometimes sure, but waywaaay too much faks. Not enough Nat, not enough MARCUS!! The most powerful touching scene or at least most inspiring of the season for me was the one with carmy & his old boss the sack of shit, that scene is gonna propel tb&hh so farrrr also this whole season is going to! Im so excited to keep writing that. I see people are not liking this season in my peeks on my home page (i didnt want to taint my thoughts) but im kinda surprised - like yes we didn’t wrap everything up & there were too many faks and not enough syd BUT the cinematography was stunning, and we got to see in carmys head which is what i predicted - this season was to get in his head to see 2 main things 1) how he does what he does 2) why he is how he is - and we got both of those answers, I think everyone was expecting this to be the last season and it was never going to be! In order to wrap this up we had to fully understand why carmen is how he is, are you all catching my drift here? I cant wait for S4!!! I feel it that SydCarmy will happen, I know that chefkids will put it in to words because their brain is much bigger then mine - but wow wow and wow. I’m gonna have to watch each episode 10 more times to digest it but wow. Loved it! MOST OF ALL I CANT WAIT FOR S4!!!!!! AAAAA

#the bear fandom #the bear #the bear fx #the bear hulu #the bear season 3 #the bear spoilers #syd x carmy #sydney adamu #carmy berzatto #carmen berzatto #richie jerimovich

20 notes · View notes

doe-eyed-fool · 1 year ago

Text

Fallen {Chapter Thirty Two}

Alastor x (fem)Reader

Alastor groaned lightly as he awoke in his bed, exhaling shakily as he brought himself to a sit. He looked down at himself, and saw that he was topless. To his right, was a bucket of now cold water, that was slightly bloody, and inside were a few blood stained rags. He narrowed his eyes before gasping as he remembered what happened.

Then his heart sank. "Y/n...Oh, Y/n..." His voice broke. He brought a hand to his face, his usual grin no where to be scene, as tears began to fall down his cheeks. He could only assume Mimzy had found him like that and helped clean his wounds. Who else would have brought him up here after...

Alastor moved his hand away and just stared at it for a while. "She was right there...Why couldn't I have just..."

He looked to the empty spot in bed next to him, it would be empty from now on. Once again, he would be sleeping alone. His eyes trailed up onto the balcony outside of the room, a light gasp left him as he saw a figure outside.

A low growl left him. It was not Mimzy out there...Could it have been Lucifer? If it was, Alastor would gladly die trying to rip his head from his body...

He slowly got up and snuck towards the balcony, once close enough he swung the doors open and raised his hand to summon his shadow to drag whoever it to him. But paused, as the figure turned to face him.

"Alastor?"

Alastor's mouth fell agape. 'It can't be...' He thought. 'But it sounds so much like...'

"Y/n?"

"Alastor!" I cry as I ran to him, wrapping my arms around him and hugging him tight. Alastor slowly wrapped his arms around me as well. "Y/n...Y/n is it really you?" He asked. I nod my head and hug him tighter, if possible.

"It is!" I sniffle as I pulled back to look at him. "I sure look different, huh?" I say with a small laugh. Alastor cupped my face gently. "It is you...Yes...Yes darling, you...You do look a tad different." I place my hand on his own, leaning into his touch.

"Y/n, what happened? I...I thought you were dead..." Said Alastor weakly. "I was." I tell him. "I even spoke with God."

"You did?" Asked Alastor. "I finally know why I was thrown out of Heaven." I say before beginning to explain.

"So you refused to go back, for me?" Alastor asks by the end of it. I nod. "I wouldn't have been happy in Heaven, if you weren't there with me." I tell him. "Besides, I gave that up a while ago, remember? I want to be here with you, Alastor. And with our friends."

Alastor takes a good look at me. My skin was now red, my hair a deep black, I had horns on top of my head, the whites of my eyes were a dark maroon, and my pupils a bright shade of red. My wings were still missing however. But, I would grow use to it in time.

His smile slowly return to his face. "I'm glad you're here with me, my darling." He said softly before pulling me into an embrace once again. "I'll never let you go again." I smile warmly, looking up at him. "I'll never let you go either, Alastor."

"I'll hold you to it." Alastor chuckles as he leaned down to meet my lips with his own.

"So, what do we do now?" I ask, after we pull away. "Let's just stay here for a while." Alastor starts. "I've never been more exhausted, and I just...I just want to hold you." He says softly, tightening our embrace. chuckle and kiss his cheek. "Alright. We can do that."

We both make our way to the bed, and snuggled up close to each other. Alastor his his face in my neck, I could feel his soft breath on my skin, and his arms wrapping securely around me.

I smile and move my hand up to his head, and run my fingers through his hair. "Can I touch your ears?" I ask. Alastor hums. "Alright." I gently touch Alastor's ears, carefully petting them. I swore, I heard the faintest of rumbles from him.

I chuckle and pet his his head some more, savoring the quiet moment before day came.

Me and Alastor weren't sure how to explain this to the others. Surely, they would wonder where I had gone off to eventually. And it's not like we could tell them the truth. Not without reviving hundreds of questions.

But it's not like I could waltz back into the hotel looking entirely different.

It was a tricky situation. But one that would be resolved soon enough.

"I think we should tell them." I say to Alastor. We were both getting ready to go to the hotel, and still trying to figure out what to do and say. "I don't know, dear." Alastor starts. "I don't think that will go over well. Especially with Charlie and her father."

He had a point. Charlie was protective of her friends. If she knew her dad had killed me, she would be more than a little upset.

"We should still tell Charlie, if just her alone." I suggest. "Then maybe we can slowly ease into telling the others. I just...don't want to lie anymore."

Alastor walked over to me and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me close. "I know darling. I'm just a bit hesitant is all." I nod. "We can't hide this forever. As much as we might want to." I say. "Come on, let's get this over with."

Alastor went into the hotel first, while I stayed outside. He thought it'd be best if not everyone crowd a "new" hotel resident and start asking too many questions. He would bring me in when he was sure it was just him and Charlie.

"Charlie? May I have a word?" Alastor knocks on her office door. After a second, the door opened, Charlie looking up at him with a smile. "Hey Al, sure, come on in." She says, allowing him to step further into the office. Thankfully, her girlfriend was no where in sight.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" Charlie asks, shutting the door. "It's about Y/n." From the tone of Alastor's voice, Charlie began to grow a little worried. "Is something wrong?"

"Not anymore." Alastor sighed. "Charlie, this isn't easy to talk about. So I'll need you to just try to listen and understand." Charlie nods. "Yeah, ok." She hadn't seen Alastor so serious before. Alastor raised his hand and snapped his fingers. And just like that, I had been brought to the office.

Charlie stared, surprised and confused. "Who's this?" She asks. "This, is Y/n." Said Alastor. Charlie blinked. "Y/n? But..."

"This is where a very long explanation comes in." Alastor starts. "Y/n was once a guardian angel from heaven, but she was casted out."

Charlie's eyes went wide, but she stayed silent and listened.

"When I found her, we made a deal. I would help Y/n find some way into heaven and in the meantime, she would remain hidden in plain sight here in hell. That's why she looked like any other demon around here." He continues. "However...Y/n's true identity would be found out soon enough."

"Lucifer had found out about Y/n."

There was no stopping the gasp that left Charlie, she looked to me, concerned.

"I tried to fight him off, though, I was unable. Vox had found out as well after he kidnapped her. I had wasted all my energy fighting him. I was useless to protect Y/n from Lucifer and ultimately..." I placed a held Alastor's hand, after noticing the slight shake in his shoulders. He sighed and went on.

"Lucifer killed her. And I was sure she would never come back." Alastor squeezed my hand. "But as you can see, she did come back, and with a new form. No longer an angel, but a demon. Y/n refused the chance to return to heaven. I assure you, it's still her, even though she looks different."

Charlie waited a moment, wanting to make sure Alastor was finished before speaking. "Wow...That's so much to take in." She smooths her hair back. "So, you were an angel this whole time?" She asks me. I nod my head. "I hope you understand why we couldn't say anything."

"Yeah, definitely." Charlie laughs weakly. "Um...So, you decided to stay here in hell. Why?"

I look up at Alastor. "I couldn't leave him behind." Then I look back to her. "Or any of you. I couldn't last an eternity without you all."

Charlie looks between me and Alastor before a wide smile formed on her face. "Are you two...?"

I chuckle. "Yes."

"Ahhhh!" Charlie squeals.

"But you can't tell anyone!" I quickly say. "Not yet, at least."

Charlie, still visibly excited, nods her head and takes a few breaths. "Ok, ok. I won't say a word. Oh, I'm just so happy for you both!"

Alastor's smile soften. "So am I. But that's not the only thing we need you to stay quiet about for the moment. No one, must know about Y/n. We plan on telling everyone but we just can't risk it right now."

"Al, you can trust us. Me and everyone else wouldn't say anything. I mean, they're going to wonder where Y/n is, you know?" Charlie tells us.

"We know, that's the hard part." I say with a sigh. "I don't want to lie to them, but, if people found out...It wouldn't end well for anyone involved. Especially if Lucifer hears about it again." As I mentioned Lucifer's name, Charlie's expression fell to one of anger.

"I can't believe he did that!" She growled slightly, her eyes flashed a shade of red. She then took a breath and calmed herself. "I'm so sorry Y/n..."

"Eh, it's not like you did it. You have nothing to be sorry for Charlie." I tell her. "Still, that must have been so scary." Charlie approached me and placed her hand on my shoulder. "If there is a way I can keep him away from you, I'll-"

"Charlie." I gently interrupt her. "Me and Alastor actually discussed this already."

"What use would Lucifer have for a sinner? Their everywhere after all." Said Alastor. "Y/n is no longer an angel, so there should be no reason for lucifer to try anything."

"Alright...But I'll still keep an eye on you Y/n. I don't want anything like that to happen ever again. You're my friend, and I look out for my friends." Charlie tells me. I smile. "Thank you, Charlie. That means a lot."

Charlie smiles as well. "So, about everyone else. I feel like we can trust them. We've all come a long way, not everyone dislikes each other like they use to. It's like, we've all grown use to each other and there's some trust to that."

I look to Alastor, he seemed to be giving it some thought.

"Alright." He starts. "But, if any of them utter a word about Y/n and what happened, to anyone else, I'll tear each and every one of their souls apart and broadcast their screams for all of Hell to hear."

"I don't know about that last part, but ok!" Charlie gives a thumbs up.

And so, the news was shared with everyone in the hotel. And with a little extra "persuasion" from Alastor-

Everyone collectively agreed to keep it on the low. However, there were many questions.

What did I look like as an angel? What was Heaven like? What did God look like? What even was god? How did I kill that one guy?

And much more.

But I took the time to answer every single one. While everyone knew of my past, no one but Charlie knew of mine and Alastor's relationship. For now at least. However, I couldn't keep that secret from Angel much longer.

"I knew it!" Angel laughed as he sat down on his bed. "I knew you two had a thing for each other!" I roll your eyes with a smile. "Yes Angel, you were right. But please remember, keep this a secret."

I take another look at myself in Angel's full length mirror on the wall. I smoothed out my dress and checked my face over for any smudges of makeup. Tonight me and Alastor had a date, and I wanted to look perfect for him.

"Besides, we all know what happened the last time someone knew about me and him." I mutter. Angel nods. "Yeah, fucking TV douchebag." He spat. "Don't worry, you're secret's safe with me."

I give Angel a smile before doing a little spin. "How do I look?" I ask. "Bangin'!" He answers. "Smiles is gonna blow a load when he sees you." I chose to ignore that part before making my way to the door. "I'll see you around Angel, night!"

"Night toots!"

I walk through the halls to Alastor's office, and rose my hand to knock. Before I could, the door opened. "Evening, my darling! You look absolutely stunning!" Alastor wraps his arm around my waist. I giggle and lean up to kiss his cheek. "Thank you, you look handsome. Just like always."

"You flatter me, love." Alastor grins. "Now, let's get a move on, shall we?" With a snap of his fingers, we were teleported to his room. I was going to question why, then I saw the setup. In the part of his room that broke off into a peaceful bayou, was a gazebo.

A black and maroon colored gazebo, and a freshly prepared meal sitting on a small table inside. There was soft music playing from somewhere, accompanied by the soft chirp of crickets. The soft darkness of night lit up with the glow of fireflies like stars. It was beautiful.

"Oh, Al." I cooed. "Did you do all this?"

"All for you, my love." He says softly, leading me towards the gazebo. We both took a seat across from one another.

"It's wonderful. Thank you." I say to him, placing my hand on his. "I'm glad you like it." Alastor says, squeezing my hand gently.

After dinner, Alastor and I were once again in each others arms, swaying softly to the music. It couldn't get much better than this. Finally, I've found someone who truly loved me with no strings attached. I never felt more loved than in this moment.

And now, I wouldn't have to hide anymore. Sure, I was in Hell now for the rest of forever, but I was in Hell with Alastor.

"Y/n?" I lift my head from Alastor's chest, and smiled up at him. "Yes, love?" I ask. "There is something I would like to ask of you." Alastor says, his tone growing soft. "I only hope you'll hear me out." I nod my head. "Of course. What is it?"

Alastor exhaled a bit shakily before clearing his throat. "It's been...quite the endeavor, getting to this point. But, I say it's all been well worth it. In our time getting to know each other, I've learned many things about you and myself. For example, I had no idea I had the capability to love someone. Love wasn't something I felt the need for, it was trivial to me. But, after given the chance to know you, truly know you, I found myself slipping deeper into that warm fuzzy feeling."

Alastor pulled away from me slightly, to look me in the eyes. "You make me feel human again. Like my heart never stopped beating, like it never turned cold and hard. And I can't thank you enough, for opening my eyes to something so wonderful."

"I know we will spend eternity together. But...I'd like to spend that eternity, knowing that you will truly be mine. So, what I'm asking is..." Alastor trails off before getting down on one knee. I felt my heart skip a beat, a light gasp left me. Was he really about to...

Out of thin air, a small box appeared in the palm of his hand. He opened it, revealing a beautiful ring.

"Y/n, will you marry me?"

A wide smile crossed my face, tears pooled in my eyes as I nod. "Yes! Yes I will!" I never saw Alastor look more happy when I said that. Before he could rise, I threw myself at him in a tight hug, nearly knocking him over.

I felt him wrap his arms around me, and pulled me closer, if possible. And I swore, I felt a bit of tears on my collarbone.

It really was all worth it, getting to this point.

"I love you so much, Alastor." I say softly, nuzzling further into his neck. I felt his smile widen against my skin before he spoke.

"I love you too, Y/n."

𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓔𝓷𝓭

Tags-

@krak-jj

@martinys-world

@cherry-cola-100

@wonderlandangelsposts

#hazbin hotel #alastor x reader #alastor #hazbin hotel alastor

32 notes · View notes

fallenclan · 2 years ago

Note

The trees were bleeding their leaves again, the vibrant reds and oranges blurring together in a colorful cascade. With leafbare fast approaching, Silverpaw knew the medicine den would need to be fully stocked. She was so engrossed in her task that she hardly noticed the crunch of leaf litter behind her until a familiar scent hit her nose.

"Applepaw?" Silverpaw hissed in shock. "What are you doing here?"

"I sneaked away from Toro," Applepaw giggled. "What are you doing? Boring medicine cat stuff?"

"I'm collecting herbs," Silverpaw replied. She felt the need to chastise Applepaw but couldn't bring herself to do it, the silly grin on Applepaw's face making Silverpaw's chest feel warm.

"Is Sunwish around?"

"She's nearby." Silverpaw gently placed the burdock she had been collecting on the ground. "Was there a reason you snuck off to find me?"

"I like hanging out with you, and Toro keeps lecturing me about proper hunting etiquette or whatever. Who knew hunting had so many rules!" Applepaw groaned, dramatically collapsing to the ground for emphasis. Silverpaw couldn't help but laugh, whiskers twitching in delight.

"She'll only lecture you twice as much for sneaking off, you know."

"Worth it." Silverpaw felt herself grow warm again. Applepaw thought she was worth getting a stern lecture for.

"Actually, there was something I wanted to tell you," Silverpaw admitted, feeling her heart begin to race. She didn't know what she'd do if Applepaw reacted poorly. "I, uh. I've been talking to Sunwish and I think. . ." Silverpaw trailed off.

"Think what?" Applepaw's nonchalant demeanor had vanished, the beginning of concern in her gaze.

"I'm a she-cat," Silverpaw blurted. "I think I've always been one, I just didn't know. It's why I was so happy to change my name to Silverkit instead of being. . ." Sylvester.

"Oh." Applepaw shifted to her paws. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"I guess I'm not the only she-cat in the friend group anymore," Applepaw purred. Silverpaw practically felt herself melt with relief. "Thank you for telling me. I'm sorry if I ever made you feel uncomfortable by calling you a tom-"

"No, no! You didn't. . . I didn't know either," Silverpaw spoke hurriedly.

"Okay, I'm glad, because-"

"Applepaw?" Sunwish's stern voice sliced right through whatever Applepaw had been about to say. "What are you doing bothering my apprentice? Where's Toro?"

"Uh." Applepaw smiled sheepishly. Sunwish was unimpressed, her tail twitching irritably.

"We're done collecting herbs anyway. Make yourself useful and help us carry them back. We can discuss the punishment for your misbehavior with Goldenflare and Toro later."

"Sorry," Silverpaw mouthed behind her mentor's back. Applepaw only shrugged. Her gaze said it all. Worth it.

...

"This is daisy, it's highly toxic to cats so don't grab any of those. . . ah, here's what I was looking for! This is yarrow, it can be super useful for treating wounds that have poison or venom in them." Silverbelly waded through a patch of fronds to reach the aforementioned yarrow, scooping up a pawful. "I'll carry these if you can get the borage." A pause. "Applebranch, are you listening to me?"

"What?" Applebranch blinked, coming to the sudden realization that she had been staring at Silverbelly. "Oh, yes. I've been listening, I promise. Your fur just looks so beautiful in the sunlight. Not that it doesn't always look beautiful, but you know what I mean."

Silverbelly ducked her head behind a particularly tall frond to hide her face. "Thanks." That warm feeling in her chest was returning. It seemed to happen more and more lately, everytime she was around Applebranch.

"You don't need to thank me." Applebranch padded forward, crushing a few ferns as she went. She swiped the borage from Silverbelly, pelt brushing against Silverbelly's own.

"Well, I've been meaning to thank you, not just for the compliment. It's nice having someone to talk to while I collect herbs. Sunwish's never really been one for conversation; she can be a bit grumpy, but she means well."

"I don't know how many times I need to say it. I like spending time with you. No, not like. I love spending time with you," Applebranch insisted, brows furrowed. "You're compassionate, intelligent, understanding. . . you're my best friend."

Silverbelly couldn't help the purr rising in her throat. She could even feel her eyes watering slightly. "I love spending time with you too, Applebranch."

"Then let's keep spending time together."

"Always."

...

"I like you."

"I think that's already been established."

"No, I like you."

"Well, I like you too."

"Really?"

"Obviously."

"So are we. . . ?"

"If you want to be."

"I do."

"I do too."

...

It's only been a moon since they've become mates when Applebranch told Silverbelly that she was expecting kits.

"I won't let anything happen to you, or our kits," Silverbelly promised. She had been told what happened with Morningbloom.

"I know." Applebranch rested her chin on Silverbelly's shoulder, wrapping her tail around the medicine cat's flank. "I trust you."

"Are you nervous? I'm nervous."

"About the kitting? A bit. About being a parent? No. I think we'll do great."

"How can you be so sure?"

"I know us. I know our kits will grow up loved and well cared for."

"I can't wait to meet them," Silverbelly purred. She didn't bother to hide the tears in her eyes.

...

Flykit was running like a whirlwind around the medicine den. Mudkit couldn't stop giggling, watching her brother race about with glee. Silverbelly was laughing too, even as some of the herb stores were scrambled. Sunwish was decidedly less amused.

"Flykit, what in StarClan's name are you doing?"

"I'm showing Mama my warrior skills! Look how fast I am!" The tom came to an abrupt halt in front of Sunwish. "Wanna see my battle skills? I'm gonna be a great warrior!"

"Sunwish is a medicine cat, silly," Mudkit chirped. "She isn't interested in warrior stuff."

"Mama likes to watch and she's a medicine cat," Flykit argued.

"I would like to see your. . . 'battle skills,' Flykit, but I would like to see them out of the medicine den, okay?" Sunwish interceded before the kits could get into an arguement.

Silverbelly blinked gratefully at Sunwish. Silverbelly wasn't certain the senior medicine actually wanted to watch kits attempt fighting stances, but she was glad that Sunwish had at least feigned interest.

"Come on, kits, let's go find Applebranch and then you can show her and Sunwish your battle moves."

"Not me. I just wanna watch," Mudkit mewed.

"That's okay, sweetheart. You don't have to join in."

For not the first time, Silverbelly wondered if Mudkit would follow the path of a warrior or chose something else entirely.

...

"I just can't believe it." Silverbelly's voice was trembling slightly. "I know a lot of cats didn't like her, but she wasn't--she wasn't cruel. Sunwish was a great cat. She. . . I look up to her so much. Why would someone do this?"

Applebranch pressed herself against Silverbelly's side, licking her mate's ear. Applebranch had never been the best at comforting cats, but she was ready to support Silverbelly in whatever way she needed.

"I feel so lost, Applebranch."

"You'll make it through this, Silverbelly. I'm here for you. So are Dawnshine and Maplethorn. Even Honeygleam, though he can be a bit of a mousebrain sometimes. We'll all support you, no matter what happens."

"I love you, Applebranch."

"I love you too."

...

"So Lichenstripe came from ShallowClan?"

"Yeah, isn't it crazy? Floodstar exiled him over some vision he had."

"Floodstar must be a real mousebrain to exile a medicine cat and ignore a vision from StarClan."

"I guess it's nice to have extra paws in the medicine den. Stormpaw has been such a blessing, honestly. He's so sweet with patients and so funny, too. He makes me laugh."

"He can't possibly be more funny than me, right?"

"How badly would you be hurt if I didn't respond?"

"Terribly."

"You're such a goose, Applebranch."

"I know."

...

"I'm a tom," Crowflame stated firmly. "Also, I might be in love with Blizzardfang."

Applebranch let out a delighted sound similar to a squawking bird, nearly knocking Crowflame over in an embrace. "Blizzardfang? Oh, honey, she'll be great for you!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Crowflame wrinkled his nose, detangling himself from his mother's embrace.

"We're just proud of you, sweetheart. Always be true to yourself, no matter what," Silverbelly purred. "My wonderful son."

Crowflame couldn't help the purr that rose in his chest.

He would later deny it.

...

Applebranch could barely process what was happening through the haze of fever. Her leg was mangled beyond repair, twisted at such an unnatural angle that Applebranch knew she'd never be able to walk on it again.

The medicine den was filled with the scent of death, with a gentle blanket of rosemary and lilac overtop. Was it her own death that Applebranch could smell? It couldn't be. And whose tears were those? "Silverbelly?" Applebranch croaked.

The sniffling abruptly stopped. "A-Applebranch? Are you awake?" A silver muzzle came into view. "Applebranch, we're going to have to remove your leg. It's-it's going to be okay."

"Why. . ." Applebranch trailed off, having trouble focusing. Everything was so colorful and swirly. "Why are you crying?"

"Oh, Applebranch, something terrible has happened."

It was only a few days after Applebranch's leg was amputated that she learned Molesong had died.

...

"How do you know if you like a cat? I mean, wanting them to be your mate and all?" Eaglestripe was padding alongside Silverbelly, both she-cats weaving through a tangle of ivy to reach a hollowed out alcove. The best moss could be found within, so soft even the grumpiest elder couldn't complain.

"Oh. May I ask where this is coming from?" Silverbelly glanced at her granddaughter curiously. The she-cat had been spending a lot of time with Daisypetal lately.

"It's just that you and Applebranch have such a strong relationship. You both really love each other, you know? I want that kind of relationship. How do I know if she--I mean, if a cat, hypothetically, is right for me?"

Silverbelly chuckled fondly, eyes crinkling with affection. "I knew Applebranch was right for me because she made my heart feel warm."

"What?"

"Whenever I'm around her, I feel so warm and fuzzy. I feel like I could do anything. I'll never feel lost as long as she's by my side."

"Wow." Eaglestripe had stopped walking. "You've always felt that way about her?"

"For a long time, yes. I think I knew for sure when I first became a full medicine cat. You're young, Eaglestripe. If there's someone who makes your heart warm, you should tell them and see if they feel the same. It's worth a shot, at least."

"Thanks, Grandma." Eaglestripe purred softly. "I had one more question."

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"How did you know you were a she-cat?"

...

"A mediator?" Silverbelly had been sorting herbs when Mudsplash padded into the den, exitedly rambling about an idea she'd had.

"Yes. I'll help cats solve their problems, with each other or with themselves. I could even solve problems with the other clans!" Mudsplash grinned, her one visible fang peeking out. With such enthusiam in her gaze, Silverbelly was struck by how much Mudsplash took after Applebranch, not in temperament, but in expression.

"Then FallenClan would be lucky to have you as its first mediator."

"You're just saying that 'cause you're my mom. That's okay though, I know I'll be a great mediator," Mudsplash declared. "I'm going to go talk to Goldenstar about my idea. Would you come with?"

"Wait."

"What?"

"Your fur," Silverbelly chided, padding closer to inspect the unruly and often matted fur of her daughter. "Let me clean you first. You'll want to look presentable."

"Mama. . ." Mudsplash let out an annoyed exhale. "Grandpa doesn't care about how my pelt looks."

"He may be your grandfather, but he's still your clan leader."

"I'm not a kit. You don't need to fuss over me," Mudsplash sighed, but her tone relayed affection rather than annoyance.

"I'm your mother. I'll always fuss over you."

"As long as your fussing is quick! I really want to talk to Goldenstar, before he's busy with some other thing."

"I'll try not to take too long, sweetheart."

"Thanks, Mama."

...

Every shadow, every flicker of light. They were all out to get her. Silverbelly hadn't stopped shaking since Otterslip had been exiled. Her wound was bound tightly with a poultice and cobwebs, but she could feel the way his claws had torn through her flesh.

He killed Stormsight. He tried to kill me. He's going to kill me. What if he comes back? What if he attacks me while I'm out on the territory? What if-

Uneven pawsteps approaching the medicine den caused Silverbelly to flinch, but she quickly forced her fur to lie flat. She recognized those pawsteps, and her suspicions were confirmed when Applebranch poked her head into the den.

Her gaze was haunted. "Silverbelly, I'm so sorry. I should have been there."

Silverbelly opened her mouth to respond but no words came out. Instead, a strangled sort of cry escaped her. Applebranch was beside her in an instant, curling into Silverbelly's nest alongside her. "Eaglestripe saw to your wound? . . . good. You aren't bleeding anymore? Have you eaten? Do you want me to go get-"

"No." Silverbelly bristled and Applebranch's eyes widened in alarm. "No, don't leave me. Please."

"Oh, Silverbelly." Applebranch pressed her nose against Silverbelly's cheek. "I won't leave you, I promise. If he ever dares show his face around here again, I'll-"

"Let's not talk about Otterslip, please."

"Okay. Do you. . . want to talk about anything?"

"Not really."

"Why don't you rest, and I'll keep watch, okay?"

"Okay. . . okay, thanks Applebranch."

"I'll keep you safe."

...

"How's Moosepaw doing?" Applebranch yawned, a wash of contentment spreading over her. A half eaten squirrel lay at her side, which Hawkwish had now begun to finish off.

"He's doing really well. I had a talk with him and he's been feeling a lot better lately." Hawkwish mumbled around a mouthful of squirrel, "He's going to do great things, I know it."

"You're doing great things too, honey." Applebranch blinked warmly at Hawkwish. "I'm really proud of you."

"Thanks, Grandma. That. . . means a lot."

"I mean it."

"I know."

...

"Salmonpaw and I caught that foxheart at the border yesterday."

"Did you?" Silverbelly's eyes widened in surprise. Nobody had told her.

"We chased him off, of course. I even gave him a good scratch, but the rat scrambled off before I could do much else," Applebranch grumbled. "I'd like to tear his flea-ridden pelt off."

"Just be careful." Silverbelly pressed herself against her mate's side. "You're old, Applebranch. You could always-"

"I'm not retiring," Applebranch sniffed, growing irritable. "You can't make me, Silverbelly."

"I wouldn't try to," Silverbelly chuckled lightly. The thought of Otterslip disturbed her, but the tom didn't frighten her as much as he used to. Now thinking about him just made her. . . sad.

"I know. Sorry for snapping at you. I think I'm just, I don't know, feeling insecure about getting old or something." Applebranch let out a frustrated grunt.

"If it helps, I'm getting old too," Silverbelly replied gently. "And so is Maplestar. Have you talked to him about any of this?"

"No, Maplestar is stressed enough without his sister complaining about her aching joints."

"Have you been in pain lately?" Silverbelly frowned, briefly scanning Applebranch's pelt for signs of tension.

"My leg has been aching again, that's all."

"Well, tell me if it gets worse, okay?"

"Will do." Applebranch paused. "Do you want to go swim in the star-pool? It might make my leg feel better. . ."

"You just want an excuse to show off your fishing skills."

"Guilty."

"I can afford to take a break," Silverbelly replied. "Let's go, before it gets dark out."

...

"I'm not a she-cat or a tom."

"That's all right, sweetheart. Should I start referring to you as 'they' or is there something else you'd prefer?"

"They works just fine for me," Eaglestripe grinned. Silverbelly gave their shoulder a supportive lick for good measure.

...

Silverbelly let out a delighted yowl. "I can still touch the bottom with my paws!"

"No way!" Applebranch guffawed, splashing water at Silverbelly. "I keep trying to swim down there but I always run out of breath before I can make it."

"Remember when you used to swim to the bottom and grab little pebbles for me?"

"I can't believe you remember that," Applebranch chuckled.

"You taught me how to fish, too."

"Yeah, you were actually really good at it, too."

"What! You told me I was bad at fishing!" Silverbelly scoffed in disbelief.

"I might have lied," Applebranch purred, a mischevious glint in her gaze. "I wanted to keep 'teaching' you how to fish," Applebranch admitted sheepishly.

"So all those times you were 'correcting' my technique, you were really just making stuff up?"

Applebranch opted to duck beneath the pool's surface instead of answering, once again trying to reach the pool's bottom. Silverbelly shook her head, fondness flooding her.

Later that day, Silverbelly added a new pebble to her collection.

...

"I feel numb."

"I feel ancient."

"Do you think we've lived good lives?"

"Mostly, yes. I'm glad we lived them together."

"I miss my brothers. I miss my father. I miss our daughter. I miss all of the friends we've lost. I don't know if I can live with this grief anymore."

"There's a lot of cats I miss, too."

"How do you get by?"

"It's simple. I know that they're waiting for me. Soon, they won't have to wait any longer."

"Does it scare you?"

"Not anymore. Are you afraid?"

"I don't think so. As long as we're together."

"Always."

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

-🐉

(cat romance, cats in love... here is the promised silverapple fic! a collection of moments from their lives, including some moments with their children and grandchildren as well.

please go read lollipop anon's silverbelly fic and beetle's maplestar & silverbelly fic! they're both so good and gave me lots of inspo

hope you enjoy❤️)

SCREAMING AND CRYING.... DRAGON ANON THIS IS SO GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!! i am in LOVE with your characterizations of everybody, especially Sunwish--you captured her perfectly. prickly but wanting to do better.

THE LAST BIT..... i will live out the rest of my days in a grain silo. absolutely DEVESTATING. you dont know the kind of agony you are causing me

#fallenasks #fallenfic #dragon anon #looking forward to rereading this again

51 notes · View notes