#I……I guess?!

[artificialcaretaker]

“So, I see you’ve become well 4cqu4inted with my dog! You’ve been pl4ying nice, right boys?”

[Literally fuck if I know brother. I blacked out while doing my laundry and when I woke up this was on my phone and the man in my closet told me to post it.

This is. Odd. I don’t know what this is. It’s not, like, INHERENTLY inappropriate but I mean this kinda stuff is suggestive ig I dunno man I ain’t attracted to it I dunno the signs.

I might go ask my mom if I can make myself a bowl of spaghetti idk have a nice day guys.

[thisisalovestry]

file -> phrases that are going to shift something in me forever

[goldensunset]

[unpeeled-human]

special defense

does this count as anything ???is this art

[penumbraphantasm]

ordering a pup cup for my chikorita in lumiose

[goldeaglefire1]

so the tiktok ban was literally just propaganda for the trump administration. like. we all agree with that right. this is just laughably transparent. the ban wasn't even 24 hours. not even a whole day. to quote my infinitely funnier mutual from Discord, "Misha Collins was bisexual longer than TikTok was banned"

[robyn-i-guess]

liking someone platonically is so embarrassing like. yeah i admire you. yeah i think about you all the time. yeah i look forward to every time i see you even if it's only for a minute. yeah it's all platonic and yeah i couldn't explain this because it'd sound romantic. fucking hell

[teaboot]

Okay so I'm a security guard, right

And part of why I like my job is cause I'm pretty good at deescalating conflicts without violence or police involvement

And that *might* be because my primary coping mechanism for stress is humor, and if the guy in the uniform isn't stressed out, usually nobody else is either

But anyhow today I witnessed a crime, which 911 had already been called for

And I'm telling the guy, you know, as he's running away, that nobody's gonna touch him, we don't do that here, I don't have any weapons and he can totally walk on out if he wants to

And he gives me this 'go-fuck-yourself" type answer, right? As you do

And I fucking

I fucking. Start danCING

I DONT KNOW WHY

I WAS JUST LIKE "aight guess I'll go fuck myself then, cheerio" AND START FUCKING DANCING

LIKE MY BRAIN WAS LIKE "Cool not being attacked, gotta keep the witnessed calm, gotta stay chill and breezy" AND THE PHYSICAL RESPONSE FOR THAT WAS TO SYART DOING THIS SASSY FUCKING JIG

I DIDNT EVEN REALIZR I WAS FDOUNG IT UNTIL SOMEONE POIU TED IT OUT AFTER

and it all ended fine and the dude is in custody and I get a call from my boss like "Yeah we're gonna need to send footage to police"

AND

FUCKING

THIS IS GOING TO BE SHOWN IN COURT SOMEWHERE

IM DOUNG A SRUPID LITTLE DANCE ON CAMERA AS THIS GUY LOSES HIS MIND AND ITS GONNA BE ON COURT SOMEWHERW

THIS IS THE STUPIDEST FUCKING THING IVE WVER DONE

I HATE MYSELFD

[knockknockwhosthereartistism]

I was inspired

[saddest-girl-in-the-whole-world]

I will NEVER not fuck with women using a traditionally masculine title. Tell me more about that girl that's also a prince.

[kenapiece-main]

Can you believe I'm having to make this meme even after successfully finishing up taxes and applying to job

[goldensunset]

idk who needs to hear this but if you have been putting something off bc it doesn't need to be done until the end of the month. we are almost done with the teens we are approaching the big numbers (the twenties). that date shall dawn upon you swiftly and without mercy before you know it. psa for everyone except me i got plany off time

[daisyofwaterdeep]

had a dream I went to a hozier concert and mr. hozier stopped singing and pointed to me in the crowd and asked me to go get him some extra crispy tofu and a blueberry shake for after the show and then the crowd passed his debit card to me and when I got it I could see his real legal name was Horace Bob-omb

[footlongdingledong]

love when theres a character whose entire existence is spoiler tagged by default. go behind the curtain boy

[icewindandboringhorror]

(also feel free in the tags to clarify Why you made the choice you made!! :0c)