#I’ve taken pharmacology

[the-cookie-of-doom]

So I have been trying to find a psychiatrist for over a year now, and failing at literally every turn. Finally got an appointment scheduled for a month from now. Just found out that session are going to be $365 until I reach my insurance deductible 🙃 why the fuck would it be that much, I was expecting like $150? And that would have been fine? But $365 for a fucking hour? Absolutely not. I’d rather get a fancy massage.

[galariangengar]

Wow, I sure do love waking up and immediately starting the day with a fucking bloody nose 🙃

[year-of-whump-tropes]

Alt Prompts

Lab whump

Day 1:

Injection

Body modification

Day 2:

Surgery

“Please don’t struggle.”

Day 3:

Forced participation

Held in isolation

Day 4:

Escaping containment

"I think that brat is skewing the data on purpose!"

Day 5:

Unethical experiment

Lab accident

Day 6:

No anaesthesia

"I only messed up the procedure because you wouldn't stop squirming."

Day 7:

Scan

“Can't back out now."

Winged whump 

Day 1:

Pulling feathers

“Don’t you try to fly away from me.”

Day 2:

Clipped wings

“Don’t touch my wings!”

Day 3:

Wings cut off

Bound wings

Day 4:

Unable to fly

“I’ll help you.”

Day 5:

Preening

Bloodied feathers

Day 6:

Shot out of the sky

“Birds don’t fly until they’re thrown out of the nest.”

Day 7:

Bird-boned

“Beautiful.”

Slavery 

Day 1:

Treated as property

Skilled individual taken for their abilities

Day 2:

Branding

“I’m your [master/mistress/etc.]”

Day 3:

Given new name

Gilded cage

Day 4:

Auction

“You caught the eye of someone important.”

Day 5:

Forced labor

Beating

Day 6:

Slave training

“Do as you’re told.”

Day 7:

Forgotten past

Buying loved one

Carewhumper

Day 1:

Whumpee made to act nice to them

“I’m your friend, [whumpee]. can't you tell?”

Day 2:

Lima syndrome

“This is for your own good.”

Day 3:

Acting as if they weren’t the one who hurt whumpee in the first place

Treating wounds of their own making

Day 4:

Tough love

"This can't possibly be what you call love"

Day 5:

Carewhumper has everyone fooled

Lesser of two evils

Day 6:

Having to keep whumpee alive and well even if they don’t want to

“What would you do without me?”

Day 7:

Pet names

“Isn't that better?”

Military whump

Day 1:

Under fire

Humiliation

Day 2:

Gunshot wound

“Watch your six!”

Day 3:

Field medicine

Sparring accident

Day 4:

Chain of command

“That’s an order.”

Day 5:

Behind enemy lines

Harsh training

Day 6:

Captured

“I told you to wait until I was in position.”

Day 7:

Forced to obey orders

Trauma

Environmental whump

Day 1:

Extreme temperatures

Ice cracking

Day 2:

Earthquake

"Just hold on, we'll get you out."

Day 3:

Volcanic eruption

Heatstroke

Day 4:

Animal attack

"Please let me inside."

Day 5:

Lost

Poison/venom

Day 6:

Landslide

“Avalanche!”

Day 7:

Drowning/near drowning

"I can't swim!"

Torture

Day 1:

Pharmacological torture

"You want me to stop? Beg and I might consider it."

Day 2:

Asphyxiation

"I could do this forever. It's your choice."

Day 3:

Phobia exploitation

Torture as revenge

Day 4:

Maiming

"You think that's painful? I’ve barely gotten started."

Day 5:

Sadistic choice

Torture as entertainment

Day 6:

Electric shock

"Don't be dramatic. You've been through worse."

Day 7:

Hurting whumpee's loved one

Tortured for information

Illnesses 

Day 1:

Influenza

“I don’t feel so good…”

Day 2:

Food poisoning

“I don't want you to catch anything.”

Day 3:

Nausea

Hospitalization

Day 4:

Chronic illness

“Get some rest.”

Day 5:

Fatigue

Medication with side effects

Day 6:

Cough

“You’re burning up!”

Day 7:

Virus

“You look like death warmed over.”

[srlkiller]

ive realised that my self esteem & just general ‘sense of self’/love for myself is so awful & low.. horribly dependant & reliant on something or someONE else these days & i absolutely fucking loathe myself for ittttttt bc im beyond self aware.. yet ive jus never been loved my entire life by even my own parents to be shown that im worth a singular fuck so the bar is so low for humans… i seemingly will jus allow the fucking worst bc i guess subconsciously that’s what ive always been taught/shown/drilled into me by my parents to believe that i deserve? wen i know it’s not at all bc literally NO ONE deserves to be treated like shit by another human being. i have trouble saying the words no to other people. i have a lot of trouble just standing up for myself these days.. especially the lonelier i get, the more isolated i have become & older ive gotten. i found comfort in being alone & definitely got to know myself sm better.. then i went thru horrible shit all over again & lost myself completely.. all over again.. & haven’t been able to rebuild myself back up since then.. ive only gone downhill.. over & over & over. i know that I AM the only one that inevitably can help myself & save myself.. i have to do the work & put in the effort etc etc but it’s so hard with absolutely ZERRROOO support system of any kind & feeling like you have nothing & no one.. not one family member.. not one pet.. nothing at all anymore. everything has been ripped from me, taken by force or by death itself. I’ve been broken sm times but now that ive finally been able to let someone in again on some kind of romantic level.. im terrified.. so im letting them jus walk all over me which is the total opposite of who I am & everything i stand for, emulate as a woman & my whole fucking energy as a being. i don’t recognise myself at all so ive totally seperated myself from whoever this is.. the body, the mind.. the soul. i numb every feeling n thought i can.. whenever i can. but wow just having this huge surgery & putting my body under such duress & jeopardy was lowkey such a wake up call bc wtf?! IVE NEVER DONE NO SHIT LIKE FHIS BEFORE FOR ANYONE ELSE?!?! AND FOR WHAATTTT?!?! HE HAD THE PERF OPPORTUNITY TO DO EVERYTHING FHE RIGHT WAY N STILL FUXKED IT UP TO SATISFY HIS OWN SELFISH NEEDS.. so wtf am i doing? what am i doing risking myself for someone like that… i look stupid, feel stupid.. & could get left at any minute which would send me spiraling for someone who is quite frankly… not even close to what i need in a man or what ive ever wanted. im simply cheating myself out of a great self help story.. as i turn 29.. i reach my last year if my 20’s & I’ll b damned if i waste that shit on some young dumb n full of cum mf who doesn’t even give a fuck ab my health in any capacity who is probably lying n doing god knows what behind my back anyway… I seriously just need to put myself first.. just try.. I need to try. bc remember when I did? how proud I was? how it worked? it’s always worked. time to start writing goals n writing shit down again.. as we start approaching this date n it gets closer n closer.. on the 25/11/23 I’ll be 29 yall. it’s the 13/11/23 today. 11 days to get things in order. my goals don’t even need to be big I jus need to get things ‘in order’… ‘ready for 29’ sounds like a cool lil title.. as my bday is pretty much leading into the New Year anyway it’d b cool to get a lil head start on others too. like the needles into my head for alopecia which I have an appt for jus before my bday.. lashes n brows I have that appt for.. i needa get my actual hair done somehow.. before nye!! change my piercings to cold & possibly get another?! more tattoos!! coverup of the Drake matching one for sure. Look into studying pharmacology or some other career pathway course.. possibly something with units I’ve completed already at uni?? i need to write a list.. basically is what I’m saying as some things are more easy fix small goals that are appearance self care based, some are medium level, some are mental, some are spiritual, some are academic, some will take

[suchsaccharine]

more

today i am fighting off offers of lunch and dairy products.

i settled on some tea.

god people just never leave you alone when you say you are good on food lol.

 i explained that i had a milkshake last night and im lactose intolerant so im still digesting that. so they went to look for other kinds of milk, like ?? ma’am, i am good. thank you soooooooo much < 3 lmao so now i’ve got a cup of black cherry herbal tea. 

scheduled myself some time off during my birthday and the week after. the week after, i will stay in ohio. i am putting “Do Not Schedule” on random days in my shared calender to remind myself not to schedule myself for every day lmao.

-

i fucking failed as fuck to not binge last night. i had 3 fucking tacos and then a stawchz mikshake. ew. BUT to be fair, i had sort of been craving a milkshake for a few weeks and i hadnt gotten one bc it was never the right time. 

studying the nutrition part of my cert. it is a lot easier to wrap my mind around. weight loss and food intake and pharmacology has been a hyper fixation of mine since i was 16/17. so for over ten fucking years now! i cant believe my 28th birthday is next month!! you know what!!! i don’t give a fuck that i’m turning 28 anymore at all. im still in my twenties. i might as well make this the best two years in my twenties yet. i can’t believe what has taken place over the span of 10 years. shit, 10 years ago, i was getting ready to graduate in less than a week. i had no children. i had no clue what it was like being an addict. i had never smoked mef. at most, id taken roxys and methadone regualrly but not enough to make me a fiend. some pins and zans. i smoked weed everyday for years already at that point. anyway, i have two more years to add definition to my twenties. if i was sober by my 23rd birthday, 4 years sober, plus the last two. that means i’ll be more sober in my twenties than intoxicated. i need that rebound.

ope. my client just woke up. yeah im at work. im gonna have to go get him set up in his recliner if he’s wanting off the couch from his nap. 

today: collagen face mask, too many kpins, drank, walk, soak nails in acetone, remove nails, antibiotics x3/d, wart remover x2/d, manicure, grapefruit juice, smoke weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed, do mad dabs.

[drglowingandgorgeous]

hello lovelies,

Lets talk smarts.

I've always been curious. Always wanting to learn more and more and more. So, I define being smart as being a well rounded individual who can hold conversation about almost anything. We're going to live a long life and I intend to never stop learning whether it be about makeup, art history or medicine.

Lets get to my goals.

At any given point in time, I want to be undertaking 2 courses on coursera and 1 language apart from my regular studies (i am a full time medical student).

At the moment, I'm taking the following courses. Click on the link and you can sign up too!

Game Theory

COVID 19 Training for Health Professionals

I plan to begin learning French soon. Or Japanese. I don't know yet

As for goals in my professional studies, they are:

Get a triple distinction in all my subjects. (basically get an A* in all my classes)

Get the gold medal in Pharmacology.

Its a lot. There's a huge chance I might fall off. However, I have taken countermeasures to avoid the same. I would tell you exactly how I'm doing it but I do want to take my current method out for a spin for at least 3 weeks before I advocate for it, so definitely look forward to that!

I'll also be making a post about my study methods after my mid-terms so I can stand behind what I say. I hope you stick around.

Thats all for now lovelies!

Take care,

Dr. Glowing and Gorgeous

ps: for all the things not related to academics, look forward to my post about the aura I want to exude. Coming super soon lovelies xx 

[somecunttookmyurl]

sorry if there was another part of this post/those tags that i didn’t see but… i don’t think that doctor was trying to say that doctors know more about drugs than pharmacists do?

i’m an md also, i graduated from medical school a few years ago. and that person is right. we do learn about pharmacology and drug mechanisms and interactions in medical school. at my school (which was broken up into long blocks by body system), this was all integrated into everything else we were learning, meaning it was on every test. and it’s continued to be on every test i’ve taken since graduating. the point isn’t that we know more or even nearly as much as pharmacists about pharmacology, but that we know enough that someone who completely ignores the concept of drug interactions or the idea that different patients may metabolize certain drugs differently is a bad doctor. and i’m sorry that you’ve run across so many of them

the thing about medicine is that there is so much to know about human anatomy and physiology and disease that it’s basically impossible for any one person to know it all. medical school lays the groundwork, but there’s a reason we specialize, and spend 3-7 years in additional training in our particular field. it’s important to know what you don’t know (which is a lot, no matter what kind of doctor you are or how long you’ve been practicing). that means consulting with pharmacists when prescribing a new med or changing a dose whenever possible, just like you’d consult, say, a nephrologist when treating a patient with kidney disease. but when there isn’t a good pharmacist available, it means looking up that information yourself. i may not remember every single drug that interacts with warfarin, for example, off the top of my head, but i sure as hell know that it’s a long list and i better check everything else a patient is taking before prescribing it

anyway, good pharmacists are an incredible resource and i wish we had more of them at my hospital. and if you can’t admit that there are things you don’t know, medicine is not the field for you

yeah i've had like. no joke. 2 good doctors in 31 years. and one of them i don't even get to see again it was a one-off. but i am surgically attached to my GP until one of us dies and by god i hope i go first.

(incidentally those 2 doctors are the only ones i've ever met who even knew that differing drug metabolism on different pathways was even a thing like at all. my old psych straight up said "never heard of that, don't think that's true" even when i was presenting him with literal medical journals to the contrary like okay buddy good talk let's never do this again. i wish so much this was an uncommon experience bc i for one am tired of giving the TED talk)

readmore bc this got long

the fact you guys don't learn stuff to the same depth as pharmacists was really like my entire point. i mean, sure, you have some knowledge on it but normally pretty limited to within whatever field you practice. you've only got a limited number of brain cells. if you did have all that knowledge then pharmacy wouldn't exist as a separate degree in the first place.

so a doc coming onto that like "oh we do know side effects and get tested on interactions" is uh. i mean do you? a little, sure, but there's a limit to that knowledge by design. it's really the pharmacists who know, you know? they're the experts on it, and it kinda struck me as "i did a bit of training on this so i know everything" which is an attitude i encounter.... a lot with doctors, sadly. along with the assumption a patient can never know anything about their condition/have any input or ideas of any value/that there may be gaps in their own knowledge.

[also along with complete lack of intellectual curiosity which always baffled me like "welp, don't know what that is goodbye forever" do you not... want to know? not even a little bit? god why are you even here. if all you wanted to do was flowcharts and tick boxes there are plenty of careers in the data entry field. not quite sure why you went to medical school my man]

you sound like a good doctor. hold onto that. sadly you're more the exeption than the norm, as pretty much anybody with a chronic illness or unusal presentation/response can attest. also women, and POC.

if you've got it in you to keep at it without having a nervous breakdown (rather have you in the field than out of it babes) absolutely chew out any other doctor you catch acting like a Supreme Unquestionable Being Who Can Never Be Wrong though.

honestly? i think, genuinely, most do start out like you (you said you only graduated a few years ago right? so you're still new really) and... at some point along the way they become fucking insufferable.

i don't know if it's burnout bc it's a stressful job, or if having power over the health & wellbeing over other people eventually goes to your head, or you get stuck in "what i learned 20 years ago is still unquestionable" or "i've been doing this for years pfff i don't need to check things anymore" complacency or what but there is for sure SOMETHING that changes in a whole lotta doctors. hold on to how you practice now. be one of the few who STAY like that 10, 20, 30 years from now. please. stay curious, stay cautious, stay sharp.

i don't hate doctors (i say it jokingly, true, but don't take it personally) but i have absolutely met enough of them that don't listen, or check, or investigate that i heavily side-eye a new one until they demonstrate otherwise. you're listening to me and working with me and checking things? cool! i'm still gonna double-check anyway because even good doctors make mistakes,

but a good good doctor doesn't take offence at that anyway. i mean. it's my health you're in charge of here. remaining alive and not hospitalised is generally preferable.

hey, maybe it's a bit harsh to judge from a couple tags but coming onto a post saying that pharmacists are the real drug nerds here and doctors have limited knowledge about that (with a heavy dose of complacency a lot of the time, tbqh) so please make sure stuff is checked with "we do know about interactions we get tested on it" sent up a HUGE "i can't admit when there are gaps in my knowledge and can't handle being questioned" red flag.

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

I was looking in a book a while back about the chemistry and pharmacology of MDMA and I found the following passage, which I've never encountered before

"When taken orally or injected, most [MDMA] is cleared from the body without being metabolized, but when smoked [MDMA] is almost completely absorbed before metabolization takes place. The metabolism of [MDMA] to norMDMA and (2S,4S)-4-Hydroxy-3,3-dimethylglutaryl Coenzyme A (4S-HMG-CoA)"

Apparently it is not just the MDMA's effect that is modified by the fact that it's in a cigarette, it is the whole thing! Like in the same way that the amount of alcohol you consume makes a big difference to how much you'll get drunk, or whatever

[apex-academy]

Chapter 5 Trial: What You Are in the Dark (#30e)

>A DORM ROOM

We’ve established pretty thoroughly that the only place someone could have gotten any sort of medication was from a personal room. Nothing was taken from either the Nurse’s Office or Kokoro’s study hall. Unless Yuki or Tsunyasha is secretly a pharmacological whiz kid—which I’ve seen no indication of—they didn’t whip something up from the lab supplies, either.

So. Which of those two probably brought sleep aids with her when we first moved in?

[NEXT]

[lockoutkey]

What are college psych classes like I’m trying to figure out if they’re like a high school elective psych or not

Lol i promise they’re nothing like them except maybe the intro class. most psych classes once you pass the intro class have their own topic (cognition, developmental, abnormal, biopsych, etc). instead of just glossing over the basics you learn more in-depth the history and what consists of that field. A lot of times there are classes not part of your core major that delve into a professors specific field like the effects of trauma in specific cultures or pharmacology.

You can also take classes in fields close to you in most colleges, like i’ve taken a couple CPS classes like intro to counseling and intro to family that were more on the therapy side of psychology.

If you asking the structure, most of the classes consist 70% profs giving info and 30% discussion. I’m in a class where once a week she teaches content and then next the entire class is just a discussion on whatever topic from this weeks lecture we want. We’ll go from the book to personal experiences to on campus examples and it’s great.

If anyone has questions about other fields of study i can try to answer the best I can!

[foster-the-world]

Summer Fun

We went to my husbands softball game tonight. After missing last year it was nice to get back to hanging out with friends + their kids. Baby boy was a hit, as always. Rebel rocked her new culottes and Bee named herself the “coach.”

Bee had her braids done yesterday. We have it done at a place run by women from West Africa. During the two hour appointment three different people came in selling peanut stew, fresh baguettes and socks. I took home a fresh baguette. Tonight at the ballgame these twin girls asked what was in Bee’s hair. I told them it was beads. They asked why. Along with a few other follow-up questions. Bee answered a little bit but mostly looked uncomfortable. The encountered ended with her saying “Why are they looking at me like that? Why are you staring at me? Why? Why?” Not a huge deal and I’m sure these girls just hadn’t seen beaded styles much. I don’t think Bee thought much about it after it was over. However, it did make me really glad that she goes to a super diverse school. So many little girls with braids. There was a zoom coffee chat with the principle - a WOC - tonight. They have a grant to hire an equity curriculum consultant. She is making all of these really cool plans so the kids can do projects based on the African American history in our area. Plus, some work around the kids designing the future of what the area should look like. Bee is doing so much better since they are in class five days a week. I honestly can’t get over how much happier she seems. We have our happy girl back. After school I pick her up and walk her over the daycare for the rest of the day. Recently, we’ve been spending 20 or so minutes in the park with her classmates. She’s in Heaven. 

Life without Chemistry is a breeze. I squeezed by with my 81%, left a bad review and am happy to forget everything I’ve learned as soon as possible. Currently taking Psych 101, Pharmacology and Pathophysiology. Psych is all repeat of things from other classes I’ve already taken this year. Pharm seems not too painful. Pathophysiology will be tough but it all feels interesting/necessary. 

[neerasrealm]

awesome! can i please request friends to lovers with cody boi and demisexual!y/n? 🥺👉👈

YOU’RE IN LUCK I’VE BEEN WORKING ON MY CODY LORE RECENTLY. hopefully I did alright- I’m kind of inexperienced with writing demi characters so I apologize if I got something wrong.

"Oh, sorry."

Your hand brushes against another as you reach for the chemistry book you need for your assignment. You grab it and look up at the other person. He's taller than you and has pale skin and honey-brown hair that hangs over one of his green eyes, which blink at you. He scratches at an old, jagged scar on his jaw. 

"You gonna read that?"

"Well duh," you frown at him. "I have an assignment to do." 

"Ah." He nods, glancing aside. "What's your major?" 

"Chemical engineering." You tilt your head at him. "You?"

"Pharmacology." He replies. You arch your brow. If he was studying pharmacology wouldn't you have seen him around campus? Then again- your college is pretty big so...maybe you just forgot his face. He steps back away from you, putting his hands in his hoodie's pockets. "Enjoy the book." He says in a bored tone before turning and walking away. 

------

"Hmm…"

Once more, you're looking for a very, very specific book. For another assignment. A group one. "Uggghhh…" you mutter to yourself. You do not want to be that one guy who doesn't do any work and drags the group down. You already have one of those. As you step out from behind a bookshelf your eyes absently scan the long reading table before-

Wait.

You turn back and squint. The book! It's right there! And being read by...a pale skinned boy with honey-brown hair and green eyes. You glance around for a moment before walking over and taking a seat across from him.

"You gonna read that?"

He looks up at you, seemingly surprised. His eyes widen with realisation, and the smallest of smiles curls up his lips. "...well duh." You smirk and laugh a little bit. He sets the book down and tilts his head at you. "You get that assignment done?"

"Barely." You reply. "Now I got a group project to do."

"Ew." He wrinkles his nose in disgust. He glances from you to the book his hand is resting on. The book you need. "...what're your plans for after college?" He asks, trying to sound casual, but the question sounds like he’s inspecting you.

"A bio engineer. You?"

He blinks in surprise. "Same, actually. Specialising in curing diseases."

"Huh! I was gonna do the same. I wanna help develop medicines."

He looks at you for a moment, then smiles a bit. He closes the book and slides it over to you. "Good luck on the assignment." He says before standing up and walking away. You watch him leave with a small, curious smile. 

----

"God that professor drives me crazy…" one of your classmates mutters as they walk past you. You can't help but agree. 

Stepping outside you wrinkle your nose. It's raining. Great. And all you have is a thin jacket with no hood. A breeze blows by, and it feels like it's going straight through your clothes. You shiver. 

"Hey." A familiar voice grunts beside you. You look up in surprise and are greeted by a taller boy in a hood wearing blue goggles. One of his eyes is obscured by honey-brown hair. He reaches up, grabbing the goggles and pulling them down. Green eyes blink down at you. 

"Oh, hey." You tilt your head at him. "Book boy."

He smirks a bit, tossing his head to the side like he's mimicking you. "Is that my name?"

"Well you never told me your name."

He blinks in surprise, like he hadn't even realised he'd never told you his name. Or forgotten. You suppress a laugh. "Oh." He says. "I'm Cody. But my friends call me X."

"Why?" You ask, smiling a bit. He opens his mouth to reply, then closes it again, like he's stumped. 

"It's my favourite letter?" He finally answers. You laugh loudly. 

‘’Alright, X,’’ you smirk at him. ‘’Did you need something? Another book?’’

‘’Huh? Oh- nah.’’ he scratches at the scar on his jaw. ‘’I saw you out in the rain and uh-’’ he pauses, reaching into the brown satchel thrown across his side. He searches around in it, the contents jingling and clinking until he pulls out a folded up umbrella. ‘’I brought you this.’’ You blink in surprise. You reach out and take it. ‘’But I want something in return.’’

‘’Huh?’’

‘’One, I want my book,’’ he toys with the strap of his goggles as he speaks. ‘’And two...I wanna take you for coffee.’’

You arch your brow. ‘’...why?’’

‘’I think you’re neat.’’ he shrugs. ‘’I don’t talk to people much. And you have a similar major so…’’

You hesitate. It isn’t the first time a guy you don’t know well has asked you for coffee under the pretense of ‘you’re just neat’. You pause. He looks at you, seemingly disinterested. Like it doesn’t matter if you say yes or no. 

‘’...sure.’’ you finally say. ‘’But you’re paying.’’

He wrinkles his nose. ‘’I’ll pay the tip.’’ he says. ‘’Sixty percent.’’

------

‘’Hey, y/n!’’

You look up as you step outside your lecture hall. Cody runs towards you, shaking his honey-brown hair out of his eyes. You smile brightly at him as he stops in front of you. Cody has been warming up to you over the past few weeks. He meets you after classes, walks you to your dorm or gets coffee with you, and always, always follows you to the library. He’s...odd. Initially he was standoffish, like he didn’t really care about your company all that much, but as you’ve spent time together he’s opened up a lot more. He’s excitable, and wildly passionate about all sorts of things. But mostly science- which suits you. He helps a lot with writing papers. 

‘’Hey X.’’ you greet him. You walk past him and he trails after you. ‘’How was your day?’’

‘’Fine.’’ he says. ‘’Professor Harrison is still annoying.’’

‘’Ugh- so glad I don’t have his classes till next week…’’ you sigh. ‘’Glad it’s Friday, huh?’’

‘’Yeah.’’ he smiles a bit. 

‘’You got plans for the weekend?’’

‘’Huh? Oh, uh...not- not really. Just- research…’’

You glance over your shoulder and smile at him. ‘’You wanna come over for a bit tomorrow?’’

‘’Co-come over?’’

‘’Yeah. We can hang out, watch a movie or something.’’

‘’...you want me in your house?’’

‘’Well it’s not really a house but- yeah.’’ you smile at him. ‘’What? I can’t invite my friend over to hang out?’’

His bright green eyes seem to shimmer. ‘’Friend?’’ he asks, excitement leaking into his voice. You nod, smiling a little bit. He’s funny when he’s excited. He beams wide. ‘’S-Sure! Yeah, I can postpone my research!’’

-----

‘’Knock knock!’’

You get up off your couch and move over to the door. Opening it, you’re greeted by honey-brown hair and green eyes beaming down at you. ‘’Hey y/n.’’ Cody chirps, shifting on his feet. You step aside to let him in. He walks inside quickly, holding coffee in each hand. He puts down the coffees and rummages through his satchel. ‘’I brought you snacks, and some books I thought you might like. Oh! I also bought you a spare USB, since you almost lost yours last week. You can back your files up on this one just in case-’’

‘’Cody.’’ you interrupt. He looks over at you. ‘’You...didn’t need to get me all of this.’’ you frown. You only invited him over for a movie- why all the stuff? 

‘’...I wanted to help.’’ he murmurs. ‘’I know you like coffee, so I thought you’d like some. Then I thought we’d need snacks for the movie, and then I passed the library and remembered the USB thing so I-’’ he fiddles with his hands. ‘’Isn’t that what friends do?’’

‘’...Cody,’’ you say. He stares at you. ‘’You’ve never had a friend before, have you?’’

He hesitates, then shakes his head. ‘’Not really.’’ he shrugs. ‘’Nobody was ever interesting enough to talk to,’’ he glances aside. ‘’But...you’re different. I dunno how but- you are.’’

You fold your arms, looking at him for a few moments, then exhale gently. ‘’...you’re really weird, X.’’

-----

‘’Hey y/n?’’ 

‘’Huh?’’ you look up from the cheap chinese takeout the two of you ordered. It has become a routine for the two of you to hang out on weekends. And during the week. Cody meets up with you almost every day, and the days he doesn’t he’s...completely impossible to reach. Like he dropped off the face off the earth. But you don’t mind too much.

‘’What do you think of human experiments?’’ his eyes stare into you. You blink.

‘’If they’re safe, then yeah. If it clears animal testing first I think human testing should begin, if the correct safety procedures are taken.’’

He nods. ‘’Yeah, yeah but…’’ he taps his fingers on the table for a second. ‘’Sometimes we need to disregard those protocols. That’s a fact, right?’’

‘’...yeah?’’ you tilt your head, confused.

‘’So what if we used bad people for those experiments? Like death row criminals. It would speed up the process.’’

You blink for a moment. ‘’I mean-’’ you think for a moment. ‘’I dunno…’’ you look away. ‘’Why are you asking me this?’’

‘’No reason.’’ Cody looks back at you and shrugs. ‘’The topic came up in class earlier and it just crossed my mind.’’

----

‘’Knockknocknockknocknockknockkno-’’

You yank open your door and glare up at the person in the doorway. ‘’It’s three in the mo-’’ you pause. The tall, rude person in your doorway is breathing heavily through a gas mask. Their head is lowered, their face obscured by honey-brown hair. They cough.

‘’Sorry for wakin’ you.’’ he grunts. He leans up off the doorway and stumbles forward. You catch him quickly.

‘’Cody?! What the fuck?! Is that you?!” 

"Yeah…" he coughs a bit and grips your shoulders for support. "I got in a fight…"

You pull him over to your couch. He collapses onto it and groans. You pull off his gas mask and goggles and look at his face. It seems to be okay- because of the gas mask probably. Good protection for his face. 

"Where does it hurt?" You ask quickly.

"They fucking kicked me in the gut." He mutters back. He coughs a couple times. "H-Hey, did I drop my baseball bat…?"

"Baseball bat?" You stand up and look over at your door, which is still open. A baseball bat with nails sticking out of the head leans against the doorway. You move over and grab it, closing the door. "Why do you have this thing?"

"Self defense." He grunts back. "Can you get me some ice?"

"Sure, sure yeah."

------

"So like…" Cody looks up from his cereal as you speak. He's been staying in your dorm for the past few days, recovering from getting beat up. "Does this happen...often…?"

He looks at you. "Why would you think that?"

"Because you have a weapon for self defense and you have a scar on your jaw." You point at him. He palms at the jagged scar on his jawline. 

"Oh." He says. "This one isn't from a fight."

You frown and tilt your head. "It isn't?"

"I was in a car accident when I was eight." He says. "My parents died in it. I didn't."

You blink, completely taken aback. "Shit- really?" You suddenly regret all the curious looks you've given that scar over the past while. "That's horrible- I'm sorry dude."

He waves you off. "It's nothing." He murmurs. It's quiet and awkward for a while before he speaks again. "I got a lot more scars from the crash. You wanna see?" He grins at you. You break out into a smile.

"...oh heck yeah I do."

-----

‘’Hey y/n?’’

‘’Huh?’’ you look up from your laptop and over at Cody, who’s laying on his back on your bed, staring at the ceiling through his blue goggles. He doesn’t answer for a moment. 

‘’How long have we been friends?’’ His voice is small and thoughtful. Maybe even sad. You frown.

‘’Like….six months. Why?’’

‘’That’s a long time.’’ he muses, sounding surprised. He turns and looks at you. ‘’...I trust you.’’

‘’You trust me?’’

‘’Yeah.’’ he looks at the ceiling again. ‘’I trust you. A lot. I’ve never really- had a friend before...but I trust you.’’ he turns to you again. ‘’I’m glad I met you, y/n.’’

‘’...what sparked that?’’ you ask gently. Cody shrugs.

‘’Dunno. Was just thinkin’ bout stuff…’’ he’s quiet for a while. ‘’You ever think about how chickens are descended from dinosaurs so technically dino nuggets are dinosaur meat?’’ he breaks the silence. 

‘’PFFFFF-’’

----

‘’Hey! y/n!’’ 

You look up just in time to see Cody sprinting towards you from the other side of the campus. His gas mask is on, even though he doesn’t seem to be coming from the campus’s lab, as are his goggles. His hood falls down, exposing honey-brown hair. You walk quickly toward him and he stumbles towards you, then doubles over gasping for air. 

‘’Uh- you oka-’’

‘’HEY! YOU!’’ 

You look up quickly and see a campus security guard sprinting towards the both of you. Your eyes widen and Cody grabs your wrist. ‘’Canttalknowjustrun!’’ he hisses before sprinting off again with you in tow. You yelp as you’re yanked across campus, in between buildings, and off the grounds entirely. Eventually, you’re yanked into an alleyway and the two of you lean against the wall, panting and gasping for air. You flop your head against your shoulder and stare at him. 

‘’Cody…’’

‘’Y-yeah?’’

‘’What the fuck?!’’

He gulps and looks at you. ‘’I...may have pissed off the security guard.’’

‘’How?’’

‘’I uh-’’ he pauses, looking at you. It’s silent for a few moments and he sighs. ‘’I’ve...been lying to you.’’

‘’Huh?’’

‘’I don’t actually attend your college,’’ he murmurs. ‘’I...graduated years ago. I’m just some- homeless dude who hangs around the campus sometimes for fun.’’

You stare at him. ‘’What...the fuck…?’’ he doesn’t say anything. ‘’Why would you lie to me?!’’

‘’Because I…’’ he shrugs. ‘’I didn’t want you to think less of me...I just wanted you to treat me like anyone else...like- a friend…’’ he sighs. ‘’...I’m sorry…’’

You stare at him for a few moments, then sigh gently. You lean off the wall and pat his shoulder. ‘’I don’t think less of you because of any of this,’’ you murmur. ‘’I’m hurt because- well...I thought you trusted me.’’ His head snaps to you, staring in surprise. ‘’It is weird that you hang around on campus yeah but- you’re not a creep. I know you’re not. You just- wanna be accepted. Right?’’

He pauses, staring at the ground. ‘’...yeah. I do.’’

‘’Then I accept you.’’ you hesitate for a second, then hug him gently. His arms cautiously and gently wrap around you. ‘’And you’re staying with me, okay? I don’t want you on the streets anymore. You don’t need to get hurt.’’

"...okay." he murmurs. "...thanks."

------

"I'm home!"

"Y/n!" Cody rolls over onto his stomach and grins at you from his spot on the couch, which is also basically his bed now. "How was your lecture? Learn anything interesting?"

You shrug off your backpack and walk over to the couch. Cody curls up to make room for you as you sit down. "It was alright." You murmur. Cody shifts around and leans against you, smiling up at you. He's cute, you'll admit. Like an excited puppy. Always happy to see you. You reach over and pat him. He moves his hand up and grabs your hand, squeezing it in his. He stays there for a few moments, staring up at you fondly before he withdraws his hand. 

"Here." he grabs the remote from the other side of the couch using his socked feet, then grabs it with his hands before passing it to you. You take it and lie back, flicking through channels idly. You glance at him. He's still staring at you. 

"You need something?"

He shakes his head. "Nah." He turns back to the tv. "I just like your face."

You smirk. "Thanks. Yours too."

------

"Uuuggghh…"

You sit up and bury your face in your hands. You're stressed. Extremely so. This damn assignment is impossible! You can't figure it out. At all. You're just about ready to give up. 

"Y/n?"

You look up and see Cody crouched near your bed where you're sitting. He looks up at you with his best puppy eyes. "I think you need a break." He murmurs. He reaches up and takes one of your hands in his, pulling it down and tugging it. You sigh, push your laptop away and lie down so you're facing him. 

"Fine." 

He smiles and reaches into his pocket, pulling something out. Your favourite candy bar. "Here," he holds it up to you. "To get your energy back."

You take it and smile. "How'd you know it's my favourite?"

He smiles. "Lucky guess." That's a lie. Definitely. He climbs onto your bed and lays down beside you. You look at him while munching on your chocolate.

"Cody," you ask tiredly. "...what do you do when no matter what you can't find the answer?"

He blinks, then frowns. "I keep going," he answers. "I try to change something every time and peace together the answer. I work outside the box, break the rules…" he frowns and looks down. "...four hundred and twenty three times."

"Huh?"

He looks up at you, surprised. "Oh! Uh- it's nothing. I just remembered this one experiment I did...heh...took me four hundred and twenty three tries to get it right..." he seems suddenly fidgety and- maybe even sad.

"Damn." Your eyes widen. "What was the experiment?"

"...nothing important." He smiles at you. He reaches over and pats your cheek a couple times. "Now, cmere. You're taking your break in cuddle-town."

You squint at him. "...cuddle-town."

"Yep!" He lifts his arm up for you. "Cmonnnn...you know you wannaaaa."

You give him a stern look. Then a smile curls up your face and you laugh. "Alright, alright. I'll bite." you scoot closer to him and let him hug you tight. He smells of chemicals and takeout. It's a weird smell, but welcoming. He hums happily. "...Thanks X."

"No problem." He chirps back, nuzzling his face into your hair.

-------

"You made a mistake."

"Huh?" You're curled up against Cody, doing your homework. Part of your course is a mandatory math class. Ugh. Your back is resting against his front while you do your work. His arms are wrapped around you, hugging you gently. Not the most conventional position for math homework, but a damn comfy one. 

His arm moves from around your hip and points at the paper you're writing on. "You need to multiply here. Not subtract. Then you'll get a minus, but you'll have to change the signs so your answer would be…" he pauses for a moment. "Minus X to the power of four over three Y to the power of six."

You blink and frown for a couple moments. "Oh!" You cross out your mistake and correct it. "Like that?"

Cody nods. "Exactly." His arm winds around you again. You smile a bit.

"How are you so good at math?" You ask. He shrugs.

"Studied my butt off in highschool and learned everything twice as fast as everyone else." He says with a laugh. You snicker.

"Why?"

"Wanted to prove that I could do it." He murmurs. He leans down and presses his face into your hair. He's probably sniffing it but you choose to ignore that because math homework is hard. "...why did you decide to become a scientist?"

"I wanted to help people." You murmur. He hums in thought.

"Why?"

You shrug. "It's the right thing to do, isn't it?"

He's quiet for a moment. "yeah," his hand runs up your stomach. "I guess it is."

-----

"I wanna take you somewhere."

You look up at Cody. "Okay," you say. "Where?"

"...dinner."

"Dinner where?"

"Downtown. Somewhere you like. Somewhere fancy." 

You smirk at him a bit. ‘’Alright...when?’’

‘’Right now. Today.’’

You blink in surprise and look at the clock on the wall, then him. ‘’We’d have to get ready like- right now.’’

‘’Okay.’’ he stands up like it’s nothing. ‘’Go get ready.’’

Cody’s sudden wanting to eat out is odd. He’s always been happy with takeout and your own cooking, so why he suddenly wants to go out is- odd. But you’re not complaining. The restaurant he brings you to is nice, and even though he’s suddenly fidgety and a little on-edge, he’s still his regular, cute self. Spending time with him is something you enjoy deeply. Why else would you have let him live with you? He’s like your best friend- maybe even something more. While the two of you are leaving the restaurant his hand brushes against yours and he ever so carefully entwines his hand with yours. Okay yeah. It’s definitely something more.

Instead of walking home, the two of you end up walking to a nearby park. It’s a peaceful night. A little cold, but Cody’s hand feels warm and comforting. He stops suddenly, and turns to you. You stare at him.

‘’y/n?’’

‘’Yeah?’’

He hesitates. ‘’Do you…’’ he glances aside. ‘’...do you like me?’’ his body language is nervous, but his tone is full of forced confidence. 

‘’Of course I like you.’’ you tilt your head at him. ‘’...you’re acting weird. What’s wrong?’’

He looks surprised for a moment. He quickly collects himself and gulps, glancing aside. ‘’I…’’ he fiddles with his hands. ‘’It’s...nothing, y/n. Just- forget it. I’ll take you home.’’

‘’Wait-’’ you stop and step toward him, grabbing his wrist. He stares at you in surprise. You yank him toward you, intending to pull him into a hug but- you yank too hard and Cody stumbles into you, making you, in turn, stumble backwards into a tree. You’re left leaning against it, with Cody leaning over you, staring down in surprise. It’s deathly silent for a few tense moments before a smile curls up his face. He snorts, then laughs, then falls against you giggling. You slowly crack up with him and reach up, gripping his arms as the two of you giggle at absolutely nothing. He lifts his head up and smiles at you. His face is only inches from yours. He’s so close you can see the lighter speckles in his green eyes and individual strands of his honey-brown hair. His features are soft. Welcoming. ‘’Cody,’’ you murmur. ‘’...I do like you. A lot.’’

‘’Huh?’’ he seems completely taken aback by this. ‘’Really?’’ he doesn’t sound like he quite believes you. You chuckle.

‘’Yes.’’ you smile up at him. Slowly, you reach up and cup his face in your hands. ‘’C’mere…’’ you murmur, pulling him down to you. You close the gap and kiss him gently. He tenses up, a quiet gasp of surprise escaping his mouth. Slowly, he leans into the kiss, kneading against you. He feels warm. Comforting. Safe. You shiver as he reaches down, grabbing your hip with one hand. The two of you pull away and stare at each other. It’s silent. You can feel his warm breath against your face. 

‘’y/n?’’ he breaks the silence. You look up at him. ‘’...I love you.’’

A smile curls up your face. You grab him and pull him down for another kiss. ‘’I love you too.’’ you giggle. He grins and wraps his arms around you, squeezing you tightly. He lifts you up in his arms and nuzzles into your shoulder. You giggle and grip his shoulders as he swings you around until he stumbles and falls back. The two of you yelp out in surprise as you fall onto the grass. Cody is still holding you tight, staring up at you with a wide smile. You smile down at him lovingly and comb your hand through his honey-brown hair. ‘’I love you too…’’ you murmur once more.

[zenobiaofbyzantium]

It happened.

It finally found me. And my family.

We contracted - I don’t know how the fuck it happened - COVID & tested positive for over a week ago. It has been... I don’t know how to describe. Like a roller-coaster, maybe?

Upon learning that we all tested positive, I tried to keep it cool but I lost it. As I’ve mentioned in my previous posts, I’m immuno-compromised & using immuno-suppresant meds for a while now. Thankfully I’m not too compromised to stay in hospital regularly but I’m much more receptive to catch any disease, let alone a fucking SARS virus.

The Health Department caught up with us immediately. I am more than grateful for all the healthcare workers. It all would go to hell without them. Once our tests came back, a contact-tracing team from Health Department came to our house and brought meds. In Turkey, Favipiravir is used to treat SARS-CoV-2 patients so we recieved some as well.

In addition we have taken some vitamin C & D supplements. We have also taken anticoagulant to prevent clotting. We checked our vitals twice a day - blood pressure, oxygen level, temperature - and I kept log. At last, our treatment ended couple of days ago. We’ll be released from isolation by monday.

What can I say... Well, I can state that it sucked thoroughly. It was one of the worst things I’ve ever experienced. I felt like I’d been suffering from a heavy cold. One moment I was energetic, cleaning out the MA files on my computer and other, every cell, every organ in my body hurt like hell. My stomach was on fire and on the second day I lost sense of taste & smell at the same time.

Then came the psychological hit. I guess until I lost sense of taste & smell, I’d been holding on. Once I did, I collapsed. I could not rest, I could not read / watch / study / work... I wanted to burst into tears but kept holding on for the sake of my mother. Like I said, it thoroughly sucked.

Thankfully, treatment is over. We all feel so much better already. I have much less pain. Still taking vitamin supplements & my usual medication but other than that it’s done.

I wish this on noone. And for me, it was more like a heavy cold. I did not need hospitalization &/ intubation. For every breath I take, I am grateful for all the medicine & healthcare workers both in my country and on a global basis. We would have lost so much more if you were not here to help. Thank you, all!

One of my oldest friends is an RN in pediatric COVID service and she also experienced COVID some time ago. She gave me so much support. I wll be forever thankful to her. And three of my best friends kept me sane, constantly reaching out and asking how my health is. My favorite (yes, I have a favorite) cousin drove by to our house and dropped food, some vitamins and dessert. One of my uncles dropped by and also brought food & dessert. My father’s buddy stopped by, bringing food. My mom’s friend brought vegetables & fruits. Brought me to tears. I never knew how lucky I am with all the people in my life.

My mom, dad, brother and I feel so much better already. Thankfully we’ve experienced it like a cold. We did not have trouble breathing or pain we cannot overcome with OTC painkillers. But as I’ve previously mentioned, I think the psychological toll will be haunting us a little bit longer. Isolated in a house for almost two-weeks & not being able to go outside, take a walk, go to the market etc. felt so much smothering.

Today, I felt like I was gaining my taste & smell back. It’s not like before, but I think they’re coming back. I was able to taste chocolate bar & smell my perfume a little. When you don’t have taste & smell, you do not want to eat & drink anything. Everything tastes like plain tap water. I hope to gain them back fully ASAP.

My parents and brother are also better. We’re just hoping we don’t contract it again or at least get vaccinated before. Well it’s Turkey, so odds are we will contract before getting vaccinated. Fingers crossed.

I am thinking about resting for the weekend and getting back to work on monday. Hopefully I don’t suffer from the long term effects of this disease.

I just wish noone suffers from this god awful disease anymore. The medicine & pharmacology found its vaccine. All the people on earth MUST be able to access any of the vaccines equally. There is absolutely no argument for otherwise. People are dying every second by this preventable & treatable disease on the face of this earth. It cannot go on like this.

Hope the situation in all corners of the planet gets better. Hope they understand that “herd immunity” requires all of us getting immune to this, not a certain nation &/ people. ALL OF US.

Take care of yourselves, my fellow brethren.

Peace and out.

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

@ripley-ryan replied to your post “I was looking in a book a while back about the chemistry and pharmacology of MDMA and I found the following passage, which I've...”

wait okay my reading comprehension is taking a break rn. so is this saying that smoking mdma absorb more and get you higher than taking it in pill form? and what about ingesting it nasally?

Yeah, I meant "metabolized" in an unusual way, though "absorbed" is definitely true.

The way the book puts it is that "absorption" is really slow and non-linear when it takes place at all (and I think it makes up a relatively small fraction of the dose), and "metabolization" (which I think it calls "oxidative metabolism" or "conjugation") tends to happen very quickly in most cases.

In fact, when the book is talking about the metabolism of MDMA, it's usually referring to its conversion into "norMDMA," a "therapy" compound that is not psychoactive when taken alone. Its role in the process of "oxidative metabolism" is complicated (although it does not contribute to it in any way that is not due to the drug's effects), but in short:

1. MDMA is absorbed by the body, as well as ingested (if given in pill form).

2. MDMA is first converted to norMDMA by liver enzymes.

3. NorMDMA enters the bloodstream and is passed on to various tissues, to be either converted into a long chain of therapy compounds that are psychoactive when they're all together, or else be conjugated into other compounds that cannot be psychoactive, but which might still be active.

4. Any remaining norMDMA, as well as any norMDMA that hasn't yet been turned into long chain therapy compounds, are converted into the long chain therapy compounds that can have an effect when all are together.

5. These compounds get delivered to brain tissue, where they bind to the brain's serotonin receptors and either activate them (if they're psychedelic) or inactivate them (if they're non-psychoactive and bind to inactive receptors).

But this process takes a while – in the first few hours, norMDMA (and some other compounds) can get through the blood-brain barrier, but not many of them are bound to the brain's serotonin receptors and a huge fraction of them will just be absorbed by the gut and some will remain unconverted in the body. So when you're talking about "metabolization," you are really talking about this process taking place in the body as well as the brain. It's possible that some of the norMDMA will get metabolized in the brain (where it may bind to serotonin receptors), but in the case of most people, its presence is likely to do little or nothing, because there are not enough of these therapeutic long chain therapy compounds to have much effect.

The long chain therapy compounds are very potent when ingested, and they're often in different ratios in different drugs. But they all have a therapeutic effect, which is why most (but not all) people are getting a certain dose by taking MDMA.

The therapeutic long chain therapy compounds make up a non-negligible fraction of the (psychoactive) MDMA-equivalent dose. For example, when I got high the other day I was getting something like 150-200 mg of MDMA, whereas the amount of MDMA that I have been able to get high on (before it all gets turned into long chain therapy compounds) is only about 80 mg. For this reason many people find that, after taking the same dose of MDMA, they get much more of the therapeutic effect the first time they take it, because the MDMA is in the beginning of a long chain of therapy compounds.

[marmarparadoxa]

Irregular Figures

“The Irregular...is from his birth...excluded from all posts of responsibility, trust, and useful activity. His every movement is jealously watched by the police till he comes of age and presents himself for inspection; then he is either destroyed, if he is found to exceed the fixed margin of deviation, or else immured in a Government Office as a clerk of the seventh class.”

This is an excerpt from “Flatland: A Romance of Many Dimensions”, the mathematical fantasy, social satire book written by Edwin A. Abbott in the late XIX century. I’m currently reading it and when I came across this passage, it immediately appeared to me as a perfect depiction of the living conditions of latent criminals in the Sibyl System society.

Flatland is a two-dimensional world, inhabited by geometrical figures. The shape, namely the number of sides of its inhabitants, determines their lives in terms of possibility of education and social status/occupation, so that, for instance, a many-sided polygon would have access to a far better life with respect to an humble triangle. However, whereas having more or less sides impacts on your standard of life within society, “the whole social system is based upon Regularity”. The more despicable condition for a being in that world, thus, is to possess not equal sides, or present an irregular figure: this is considered a menace for the order of society; consequently, whoever possess an irregular shape, depending on the degree of his irregularity, is forced to be executed, in the worst cases, or to live a life apart from the rest of society, in less severe cases.

 “ ‘Irregularity  of Figure’ means with us the same as, or more than, a combination of moral ambiguity and criminality with you, and is treated accordingly. “ 

Hence, we can consider the irregularity index as the equivalent of the Crime Coefficient, and irregular individuals as latent criminals, i.e. individuals which “exceed the fixed margin of deviation”.

In the Sibyl System society, whoever possess a crime-coefficient over the secure threshold is immediately considered a threat for the order of society, and must be promptly destroyed (in the most literal terms) or otherwise, in case his “irregularity” still remains in a despicable yet acceptable zone, isolated from the rest of society.

However, in Flatland as in the Sibyl System society, the vast majority of society does not think that there’s still possibility of improvement for such individuals. From when their Crime Coefficient exceeds the fixed level, an individual is no longer considered a valuable member of society. He is consequently excluded from it, and taken apart in isolated centers, where he is given an proper “therapy”, which more or less has been shown to be forced pharmacological treatment and constant monitoring.  This is done in the interests of the great majority of society and in order to ensure the safety of its regular citizens. As in Flatland, “doubtless, the life of an Irregular is hard; but the interests of the Greater Number require that it shall be hard”. However, a few of Flatland inhabitants sustain that experiencing such life conditions, there’s no doubt that even the best and purest human nature would be embittered and perverted. I’ve always found pretty odd the way of Sibyl System to address the issue of latent criminals. Is it really to isolate them, to lead society to despise and avoid them, the best way to assure order in its society? Woudn’t it be better to treat them as normal human beings, find a way that would fit them into society, instead of isolating them into what could be defined as prisons? For a system that proclaims itself as the best rational system to lead society, isn’t it a pretty apparent failure? Characters like Kagari Shusei and Amari Hina (from KKS manga) have been forced to live in rehabilitation centers since their childhood. They have been isolated from society without even having had the possibility to actually live in it, only because of their crime coefficient, or because of their “irregularity”. But how could they grow up into apt and useful citizens, living a life like the one that they had in the rehabilitation centers? How could this surroundings fit the aim of “rehabilitate” them”?

[kyunsies]

i don't think i did anything special today sdksk i had a zoom meeting for the workshop i'm doing? so i guess that (it's abt math btw - my worst nightmare but i'm trying to ease the transition to uni) and then i spent the entire day stressing over uni courses and figuring my timetable. i'm looking at courses that interest me and won't tank my gpa right away but my mom is making me more stressed out abt it by putting more on my plate.

and yes there's an art history course at my uni - i have a friend taking it but i'm more interested in making art than i am in the history of it. i have my eyes on a studio art course for drawing atm 👀 really really hoping i'll get it bc the class is super small and enrollment for that course opens for me at a later date. i hope i'll find something that i like. (+ what kinds of things did you take to fill up your schedule that weren't nursing related?) - 🌱

a zoom meeting about MATH ??? ;____; sounds like something out of my worst nightmare 😭😭😭 i’m glad that’s over with for u now tho hun !!! your mom is probably just trying to get you ready for uni hun :( my mom was the same way in that she wanted to me to do everything i could but i know that’s just a their motherly way …. it’s o reversing but she’s probably just as stressed as u are JDJJDFJ but trust me bubbie don’t bite off more than u can chew okay?? enjoy your first year <3

also !!!! ahhhh okay so u want to actually do hands on stuff !!!!! that’s fun :) i hope you’re able to get that class !!!!! i hate making things bc i’m not creative at all :’) but don’t be too stressed about every big hun okay !! everything will work out the way it’s supposed to <3 ; also yeah i took quite a few things !!! not too much outside of nursing but i’ve taken basically every psych course below 400 , sociology up until 300 level, intro-intermediate french (remember I was going for my minor lol), an italian class called “pastas popes and piazzas” LOL, intro to music …… and then not to mention all my prereqs so bio micro bio human chem ….. stars …. and then the rest is nursing lol :’) so i’ve taken fundamentals + pediatrics + OB/GYN + med surg + pathology/pharmacology …… i can’t wait to be done 😭