#I’ve taken pharmacology

[the-cookie-of-doom]

So I have been trying to find a psychiatrist for over a year now, and failing at literally every turn. Finally got an appointment scheduled for a month from now. Just found out that session are going to be $365 until I reach my insurance deductible 🙃 why the fuck would it be that much, I was expecting like $150? And that would have been fine? But $365 for a fucking hour? Absolutely not. I’d rather get a fancy massage.

[galariangengar]

Wow, I sure do love waking up and immediately starting the day with a fucking bloody nose 🙃

[srlkiller]

ive realised that my self esteem & just general ‘sense of self’/love for myself is so awful & low.. horribly dependant & reliant on something or someONE else these days & i absolutely fucking loathe myself for ittttttt bc im beyond self aware.. yet ive jus never been loved my entire life by even my own parents to be shown that im worth a singular fuck so the bar is so low for humans… i seemingly will jus allow the fucking worst bc i guess subconsciously that’s what ive always been taught/shown/drilled into me by my parents to believe that i deserve? wen i know it’s not at all bc literally NO ONE deserves to be treated like shit by another human being. i have trouble saying the words no to other people. i have a lot of trouble just standing up for myself these days.. especially the lonelier i get, the more isolated i have become & older ive gotten. i found comfort in being alone & definitely got to know myself sm better.. then i went thru horrible shit all over again & lost myself completely.. all over again.. & haven’t been able to rebuild myself back up since then.. ive only gone downhill.. over & over & over. i know that I AM the only one that inevitably can help myself & save myself.. i have to do the work & put in the effort etc etc but it’s so hard with absolutely ZERRROOO support system of any kind & feeling like you have nothing & no one.. not one family member.. not one pet.. nothing at all anymore. everything has been ripped from me, taken by force or by death itself. I’ve been broken sm times but now that ive finally been able to let someone in again on some kind of romantic level.. im terrified.. so im letting them jus walk all over me which is the total opposite of who I am & everything i stand for, emulate as a woman & my whole fucking energy as a being. i don’t recognise myself at all so ive totally seperated myself from whoever this is.. the body, the mind.. the soul. i numb every feeling n thought i can.. whenever i can. but wow just having this huge surgery & putting my body under such duress & jeopardy was lowkey such a wake up call bc wtf?! IVE NEVER DONE NO SHIT LIKE FHIS BEFORE FOR ANYONE ELSE?!?! AND FOR WHAATTTT?!?! HE HAD THE PERF OPPORTUNITY TO DO EVERYTHING FHE RIGHT WAY N STILL FUXKED IT UP TO SATISFY HIS OWN SELFISH NEEDS.. so wtf am i doing? what am i doing risking myself for someone like that… i look stupid, feel stupid.. & could get left at any minute which would send me spiraling for someone who is quite frankly… not even close to what i need in a man or what ive ever wanted. im simply cheating myself out of a great self help story.. as i turn 29.. i reach my last year if my 20’s & I’ll b damned if i waste that shit on some young dumb n full of cum mf who doesn’t even give a fuck ab my health in any capacity who is probably lying n doing god knows what behind my back anyway… I seriously just need to put myself first.. just try.. I need to try. bc remember when I did? how proud I was? how it worked? it’s always worked. time to start writing goals n writing shit down again.. as we start approaching this date n it gets closer n closer.. on the 25/11/23 I’ll be 29 yall. it’s the 13/11/23 today. 11 days to get things in order. my goals don’t even need to be big I jus need to get things ‘in order’… ‘ready for 29’ sounds like a cool lil title.. as my bday is pretty much leading into the New Year anyway it’d b cool to get a lil head start on others too. like the needles into my head for alopecia which I have an appt for jus before my bday.. lashes n brows I have that appt for.. i needa get my actual hair done somehow.. before nye!! change my piercings to cold & possibly get another?! more tattoos!! coverup of the Drake matching one for sure. Look into studying pharmacology or some other career pathway course.. possibly something with units I’ve completed already at uni?? i need to write a list.. basically is what I’m saying as some things are more easy fix small goals that are appearance self care based, some are medium level, some are mental, some are spiritual, some are academic, some will take

[a03feed-launa]

(lwaxana was otherwise engaged)

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/VA9flEH by Anonymous She will give Christine another look. ‘Side effects?’   Christine will purse then chew her lips. ‘Nothing major reported as yet. Based on pharmacological simulations most likely nothing more than a bit of a high. Think snakeleaf.’   She’ll look at Christine like she’s grown two heads. To be fair, if anyone on the Enterprise were to grow two heads, it would be Christine. ‘What would make you think I’ve ever taken snakeleaf?’ Words: 853, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Series: Part 20 of winter of our discontent | made glorious summer Fandoms: Star Trek: Strange New Worlds (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: F/F Characters: La'an Noonien-Singh, Number One | Una Chin-Riley (Star Trek), Christine Chapel Relationships: La'an Noonien-Singh/Number One | Una Chin-Riley Additional Tags: Injury, Painkillers, experimental medication, Hallucinations, La'Una Wild Whump Winter read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/VA9flEH

[suchsaccharine]

more

today i am fighting off offers of lunch and dairy products.

i settled on some tea.

god people just never leave you alone when you say you are good on food lol.

 i explained that i had a milkshake last night and im lactose intolerant so im still digesting that. so they went to look for other kinds of milk, like ?? ma’am, i am good. thank you soooooooo much < 3 lmao so now i’ve got a cup of black cherry herbal tea. 

scheduled myself some time off during my birthday and the week after. the week after, i will stay in ohio. i am putting “Do Not Schedule” on random days in my shared calender to remind myself not to schedule myself for every day lmao.

-

i fucking failed as fuck to not binge last night. i had 3 fucking tacos and then a stawchz mikshake. ew. BUT to be fair, i had sort of been craving a milkshake for a few weeks and i hadnt gotten one bc it was never the right time. 

studying the nutrition part of my cert. it is a lot easier to wrap my mind around. weight loss and food intake and pharmacology has been a hyper fixation of mine since i was 16/17. so for over ten fucking years now! i cant believe my 28th birthday is next month!! you know what!!! i don’t give a fuck that i’m turning 28 anymore at all. im still in my twenties. i might as well make this the best two years in my twenties yet. i can’t believe what has taken place over the span of 10 years. shit, 10 years ago, i was getting ready to graduate in less than a week. i had no children. i had no clue what it was like being an addict. i had never smoked mef. at most, id taken roxys and methadone regualrly but not enough to make me a fiend. some pins and zans. i smoked weed everyday for years already at that point. anyway, i have two more years to add definition to my twenties. if i was sober by my 23rd birthday, 4 years sober, plus the last two. that means i’ll be more sober in my twenties than intoxicated. i need that rebound.

ope. my client just woke up. yeah im at work. im gonna have to go get him set up in his recliner if he’s wanting off the couch from his nap. 

today: collagen face mask, too many kpins, drank, walk, soak nails in acetone, remove nails, antibiotics x3/d, wart remover x2/d, manicure, grapefruit juice, smoke weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed, do mad dabs.

[wcmcink]

how we are

it is through these binary positions that we navigate the real, that we find truth… the truth isn’t that one aspect is good & one aspect is bad, or so & so’s a hero & so & so’s a villain (the idea of the movie theatre is to walk out of it, not make the movie), the reality of these binary oppositions exists somewhere in the interstices. thats how they get you in the end— they make you aware of all these different options & demand that loyalty insists that you choose one & stick to that one. we have duality, we have more than duality, we have many different things living inside of us & we must honor that. we are plural. we must evacuate these things of all weighted definitions if we seek to come to terms with our life. the balance.

i woke up this morning with the presidents thesis on the ground…

i started my thesis on aesthetics & practice years ago & never finished it—

i read somewhere in an article “a naked exposure to the rage of the world…” maybe i am mad; but i ain’t stressing…i take too much prozak to be mad…i’m a big fan of western pharmacology…big narcotic titty… she’s a maniac, maniac, on the dance flooor… there is so much junk rattling around my brain… just for today i will try to resist the social programming of the system…don’t be an incel, get laid, be somebody…its not her fault she doesn’t like you bro…who hates you baby…you know what don’t make it up to me, make it up to someone else at this point…

i put some rites of spring on (not stravinsky), i don’t even know what happened to that t-shirt… i’m always losing my shit in my radical moves, could you imagine what it was like seeing guy picciotto dangle off the headboards in the school gymnasium screaming, “i, i, believe memory by memory no reflections on me…”? righteous bro.

i’ve been experimenting with new forms, new ideas, new poetry, capped my book, started a third one… busy…busy…busy… it approaches pop in a digital field… you know something on c-86 or the wedding present would sing about…

tales from the creator/ the third collect for peace

putting it down for bitches on the block the mommas its war, pig slime or whatever your nAme is jump that pussy wide open fuck a little bit get some i pose right & all the cup-cakes you can eat bro, have you ever seen frogs fight? i got this app on my phone 'cus... playing off i was taken away the sacrifices of god is a broken spirit more ministers than a deck of cards these are the wages of a broken heart prepare the dry lands & love sees through you real less than along & how to hide someone from memories the young lions on the bed... living with the man was never easy... watch my three & celebrate the days of the week dance in the fear & sleep in the madness/  it takes you

if you wanna know the truth i don’t believe in anything, most days i’m too busy in the politics of survival to believe anything. i have ideas sure, ideas i share & open to discussion; but beliefs are at odds with practice… if you believe something & are engaged in some kind of dogmatic ritual, you can’t change your practice when it no longer suits you, so to speak. change, change, change & change again until your expression has reached its final form (it never reaches finality, it continues… purposefully). 

fear or hate thats all there is in the city. narrate yourself against it, remember your heart, remember your mind. the withered bones of a hateful man, perverted by fear…come on old man…i don’t want to understand, i don’t need to.

i hit a guy last night at a meeting. makes me think of an embrace lyric don’t “mistake hatred for courage…” where will i go now? i’m a changed man… i’m up early again 4:37, sometimes i get decent sleep but most days i’m awake, listening to the feed trail off into no-where in particular… you know “grilling on the feed again”… it sucks but its the way it is…something i wrote, something that got lost in the interstices…no more poems for the sky & i’m not better than making a few bucks…

when i would go out on the streets, lived is far fetched… i would make music, poems, & toss them around into nothing… it was my contribution to the universe; tell you the truth it would’ve been nice to see some dividends as opposed to the odd twenty bucks some citizen would throw my way…or being smoked out…i always called them poems for the sky…every-time i came in i would swear no more, no more talking to myself, no more grilling on the feed, no more push & pull, sanity, integration into a system that works for me… even anarchy is a system of ideas… not like i’m such a crusty, but anyway i digress…chimp & sneer, the battlegrounds…

i’m in favour of never learning your lesson…where life teaches no lessons, offers no wisdom but nature & the viccissitudes of…this isle is filled with noises…when the thought is in the action, i kind of believe “hey, you left it out bro…” 

haven’t you seen anyone talk with their hands before? bullshit you’re throwing up…when even gentle words won’t do/

[bonefall]

Herb Guide to HRT for Warrior Cats

Have a warrior OC you would like to show being on hormone replacement medication? I’ve gone through herbs historically associated with femininity/masculinity, as well as those with effects on sex hormones, that a wild cat could hypothetically find and use.

Of course, this would still require a bit of a leap as there’s no herb in nature that can replace our friend Spironolactone... but if you’d like some herbs with a grain of truth or history to them that wouldn’t poison a semi-realistic cat? Here you go!

(DO NOT USE THESE HERBS ON YOURSELF OR A REAL ANIMAL.)

Let’s identify what we’re looking for;

Hormone suppressing herbs = antigonadotropins Prevents production and recognition of present hormones. This is going to be big for an agender transition; but even in a binary one, they’re often taken with- 

Hormone producing herbs = estrogen/estradiol & testosterone/androgens Make sure your warrior doesn’t start on huge amounts! Smaller, controlled doses are more effective. Too much can cause the opposite effects and slow down transition.

Historical precedent = Just Cool If I find a cool story I’m just going to include it, but note that it doesn’t hold pharmacological basis.

I considered also including some thoughts on surgical treatments as well, but I’ve decided I’ll save that for a follow-up. This guide is purely focused on medication to stay SFW!

Hormone Suppressants

Lycopus (also known as Wolf’s Foot, Water Horehound, Bugleweed) is such a widespread species and has several other medical uses. Not only is it THE most well documented antigonadotropin I came across, but its different species have a wide variety of medical use, including treating anxiety, heart palpitations, stopping bleeding, and respiratory illness. This is also a mint that is not toxic to cats. Also it can be used as a dye.

THERE IS A CAVEAT; if Lycopus supplements suddenly stop or overdosed, it can cause thyroid enlargement. Keep this in mind if your trans warrior ever gave up their medication to a sick clanmate in leafbare!

Lithospermum ruderale (Aka western Stoneseed or Lemonweed) has similar suppression properties, but only in American fanclans, and not as many secondary uses.

Comfrey ROOT can also be used for this purpose, in addition to its canonical uses (funfact this plant is also called knitbone). But can cause liver failure in high doses.

Rosemary suppresses feminine hormones in the uterus, for warriors going from Female to Male. Additionally, it’s an excellent antifungal, smells great, and can be used as a cooking spice.

Molly to Tom (Female to Male)

Pine Pollen (particularly from the Scots Pine), can be added to water or foods and increase testosterone.

Stinging Nettle ROOT could also be taken for a transmasc warrior. The above ground plant can be processed for use with allergies, but the relevant part here is the root underground, which has no stinging hairs.

Sarsparilla ROOT is historically associated with testosterone, though modern studies haven’t held up the claims... but, it is a plant an American clan would have access to, and is also used to make root beer.

Tom to Molly (Male to Female) 

FENNEL?? AGAIN??? It’s true.

Through Fennel, all things are possible

It has estrogenic properties in all sexes and has been explored for the creation of synthetic estrogen since the 1930s. This can be used for a transgender warrior, as well as for a cisgender queen with a hormone issue. It must be remarked though; it looks alarmingly similar to poison hemlock, and should not be collected by untrained cats.

Hops (Humulus lupulus) is up next, but first I think this education is worthwhile; phytoestrogens aren’t exactly like true estrogens, but in high enough quantities (as in, much, much more than a plate of soybeans or a mug of beer) they can have estrogen-like affects.

Hops are the uncontested queen of these, and they grow wild in several continents. Hops can sometimes be toxic to cats, based on a genetic predisposition, and mostly to the ‘cone’ (female flower). For the best hormonal effect, the ‘flower‘ (male flower) would be dried and eaten.

Flax flowers don’t contain nearly as much phytoestrogen, but are safer for cats. Additionally, flax is extremely useful in construction, and can be used to make fabric or twine if your Clan is advanced enough.

[drglowingandgorgeous]

hello lovelies,

Lets talk smarts.

I've always been curious. Always wanting to learn more and more and more. So, I define being smart as being a well rounded individual who can hold conversation about almost anything. We're going to live a long life and I intend to never stop learning whether it be about makeup, art history or medicine.

Lets get to my goals.

At any given point in time, I want to be undertaking 2 courses on coursera and 1 language apart from my regular studies (i am a full time medical student).

At the moment, I'm taking the following courses. Click on the link and you can sign up too!

Game Theory

COVID 19 Training for Health Professionals

I plan to begin learning French soon. Or Japanese. I don't know yet

As for goals in my professional studies, they are:

Get a triple distinction in all my subjects. (basically get an A* in all my classes)

Get the gold medal in Pharmacology.

Its a lot. There's a huge chance I might fall off. However, I have taken countermeasures to avoid the same. I would tell you exactly how I'm doing it but I do want to take my current method out for a spin for at least 3 weeks before I advocate for it, so definitely look forward to that!

I'll also be making a post about my study methods after my mid-terms so I can stand behind what I say. I hope you stick around.

Thats all for now lovelies!

Take care,

Dr. Glowing and Gorgeous

ps: for all the things not related to academics, look forward to my post about the aura I want to exude. Coming super soon lovelies xx 

[somecunttookmyurl]

sorry if there was another part of this post/those tags that i didn’t see but… i don’t think that doctor was trying to say that doctors know more about drugs than pharmacists do?

i’m an md also, i graduated from medical school a few years ago. and that person is right. we do learn about pharmacology and drug mechanisms and interactions in medical school. at my school (which was broken up into long blocks by body system), this was all integrated into everything else we were learning, meaning it was on every test. and it’s continued to be on every test i’ve taken since graduating. the point isn’t that we know more or even nearly as much as pharmacists about pharmacology, but that we know enough that someone who completely ignores the concept of drug interactions or the idea that different patients may metabolize certain drugs differently is a bad doctor. and i’m sorry that you’ve run across so many of them

the thing about medicine is that there is so much to know about human anatomy and physiology and disease that it’s basically impossible for any one person to know it all. medical school lays the groundwork, but there’s a reason we specialize, and spend 3-7 years in additional training in our particular field. it’s important to know what you don’t know (which is a lot, no matter what kind of doctor you are or how long you’ve been practicing). that means consulting with pharmacists when prescribing a new med or changing a dose whenever possible, just like you’d consult, say, a nephrologist when treating a patient with kidney disease. but when there isn’t a good pharmacist available, it means looking up that information yourself. i may not remember every single drug that interacts with warfarin, for example, off the top of my head, but i sure as hell know that it’s a long list and i better check everything else a patient is taking before prescribing it

anyway, good pharmacists are an incredible resource and i wish we had more of them at my hospital. and if you can’t admit that there are things you don’t know, medicine is not the field for you

yeah i've had like. no joke. 2 good doctors in 31 years. and one of them i don't even get to see again it was a one-off. but i am surgically attached to my GP until one of us dies and by god i hope i go first.

(incidentally those 2 doctors are the only ones i've ever met who even knew that differing drug metabolism on different pathways was even a thing like at all. my old psych straight up said "never heard of that, don't think that's true" even when i was presenting him with literal medical journals to the contrary like okay buddy good talk let's never do this again. i wish so much this was an uncommon experience bc i for one am tired of giving the TED talk)

readmore bc this got long

the fact you guys don't learn stuff to the same depth as pharmacists was really like my entire point. i mean, sure, you have some knowledge on it but normally pretty limited to within whatever field you practice. you've only got a limited number of brain cells. if you did have all that knowledge then pharmacy wouldn't exist as a separate degree in the first place.

so a doc coming onto that like "oh we do know side effects and get tested on interactions" is uh. i mean do you? a little, sure, but there's a limit to that knowledge by design. it's really the pharmacists who know, you know? they're the experts on it, and it kinda struck me as "i did a bit of training on this so i know everything" which is an attitude i encounter.... a lot with doctors, sadly. along with the assumption a patient can never know anything about their condition/have any input or ideas of any value/that there may be gaps in their own knowledge.

[also along with complete lack of intellectual curiosity which always baffled me like "welp, don't know what that is goodbye forever" do you not... want to know? not even a little bit? god why are you even here. if all you wanted to do was flowcharts and tick boxes there are plenty of careers in the data entry field. not quite sure why you went to medical school my man]

you sound like a good doctor. hold onto that. sadly you're more the exeption than the norm, as pretty much anybody with a chronic illness or unusal presentation/response can attest. also women, and POC.

if you've got it in you to keep at it without having a nervous breakdown (rather have you in the field than out of it babes) absolutely chew out any other doctor you catch acting like a Supreme Unquestionable Being Who Can Never Be Wrong though.

honestly? i think, genuinely, most do start out like you (you said you only graduated a few years ago right? so you're still new really) and... at some point along the way they become fucking insufferable.

i don't know if it's burnout bc it's a stressful job, or if having power over the health & wellbeing over other people eventually goes to your head, or you get stuck in "what i learned 20 years ago is still unquestionable" or "i've been doing this for years pfff i don't need to check things anymore" complacency or what but there is for sure SOMETHING that changes in a whole lotta doctors. hold on to how you practice now. be one of the few who STAY like that 10, 20, 30 years from now. please. stay curious, stay cautious, stay sharp.

i don't hate doctors (i say it jokingly, true, but don't take it personally) but i have absolutely met enough of them that don't listen, or check, or investigate that i heavily side-eye a new one until they demonstrate otherwise. you're listening to me and working with me and checking things? cool! i'm still gonna double-check anyway because even good doctors make mistakes,

but a good good doctor doesn't take offence at that anyway. i mean. it's my health you're in charge of here. remaining alive and not hospitalised is generally preferable.

hey, maybe it's a bit harsh to judge from a couple tags but coming onto a post saying that pharmacists are the real drug nerds here and doctors have limited knowledge about that (with a heavy dose of complacency a lot of the time, tbqh) so please make sure stuff is checked with "we do know about interactions we get tested on it" sent up a HUGE "i can't admit when there are gaps in my knowledge and can't handle being questioned" red flag.

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

I was looking in a book a while back about the chemistry and pharmacology of MDMA and I found the following passage, which I've never encountered before

"When taken orally or injected, most [MDMA] is cleared from the body without being metabolized, but when smoked [MDMA] is almost completely absorbed before metabolization takes place. The metabolism of [MDMA] to norMDMA and (2S,4S)-4-Hydroxy-3,3-dimethylglutaryl Coenzyme A (4S-HMG-CoA)"

Apparently it is not just the MDMA's effect that is modified by the fact that it's in a cigarette, it is the whole thing! Like in the same way that the amount of alcohol you consume makes a big difference to how much you'll get drunk, or whatever

[apex-academy]

Chapter 5 Trial: What You Are in the Dark (#30e)

>A DORM ROOM

We’ve established pretty thoroughly that the only place someone could have gotten any sort of medication was from a personal room. Nothing was taken from either the Nurse’s Office or Kokoro’s study hall. Unless Yuki or Tsunyasha is secretly a pharmacological whiz kid—which I’ve seen no indication of—they didn’t whip something up from the lab supplies, either.

So. Which of those two probably brought sleep aids with her when we first moved in?

[NEXT]

[lockoutkey]

What are college psych classes like I’m trying to figure out if they’re like a high school elective psych or not

Lol i promise they’re nothing like them except maybe the intro class. most psych classes once you pass the intro class have their own topic (cognition, developmental, abnormal, biopsych, etc). instead of just glossing over the basics you learn more in-depth the history and what consists of that field. A lot of times there are classes not part of your core major that delve into a professors specific field like the effects of trauma in specific cultures or pharmacology.

You can also take classes in fields close to you in most colleges, like i’ve taken a couple CPS classes like intro to counseling and intro to family that were more on the therapy side of psychology.

If you asking the structure, most of the classes consist 70% profs giving info and 30% discussion. I’m in a class where once a week she teaches content and then next the entire class is just a discussion on whatever topic from this weeks lecture we want. We’ll go from the book to personal experiences to on campus examples and it’s great.

If anyone has questions about other fields of study i can try to answer the best I can!

[foster-the-world]

Summer Fun

We went to my husbands softball game tonight. After missing last year it was nice to get back to hanging out with friends + their kids. Baby boy was a hit, as always. Rebel rocked her new culottes and Bee named herself the “coach.”

Bee had her braids done yesterday. We have it done at a place run by women from West Africa. During the two hour appointment three different people came in selling peanut stew, fresh baguettes and socks. I took home a fresh baguette. Tonight at the ballgame these twin girls asked what was in Bee’s hair. I told them it was beads. They asked why. Along with a few other follow-up questions. Bee answered a little bit but mostly looked uncomfortable. The encountered ended with her saying “Why are they looking at me like that? Why are you staring at me? Why? Why?” Not a huge deal and I’m sure these girls just hadn’t seen beaded styles much. I don’t think Bee thought much about it after it was over. However, it did make me really glad that she goes to a super diverse school. So many little girls with braids. There was a zoom coffee chat with the principle - a WOC - tonight. They have a grant to hire an equity curriculum consultant. She is making all of these really cool plans so the kids can do projects based on the African American history in our area. Plus, some work around the kids designing the future of what the area should look like. Bee is doing so much better since they are in class five days a week. I honestly can’t get over how much happier she seems. We have our happy girl back. After school I pick her up and walk her over the daycare for the rest of the day. Recently, we’ve been spending 20 or so minutes in the park with her classmates. She’s in Heaven. 

Life without Chemistry is a breeze. I squeezed by with my 81%, left a bad review and am happy to forget everything I’ve learned as soon as possible. Currently taking Psych 101, Pharmacology and Pathophysiology. Psych is all repeat of things from other classes I’ve already taken this year. Pharm seems not too painful. Pathophysiology will be tough but it all feels interesting/necessary. 

[neerasrealm]

awesome! can i please request friends to lovers with cody boi and demisexual!y/n? 🥺👉👈

YOU’RE IN LUCK I’VE BEEN WORKING ON MY CODY LORE RECENTLY. hopefully I did alright- I’m kind of inexperienced with writing demi characters so I apologize if I got something wrong.

"Oh, sorry."

Your hand brushes against another as you reach for the chemistry book you need for your assignment. You grab it and look up at the other person. He's taller than you and has pale skin and honey-brown hair that hangs over one of his green eyes, which blink at you. He scratches at an old, jagged scar on his jaw. 

"You gonna read that?"

"Well duh," you frown at him. "I have an assignment to do." 

"Ah." He nods, glancing aside. "What's your major?" 

"Chemical engineering." You tilt your head at him. "You?"

"Pharmacology." He replies. You arch your brow. If he was studying pharmacology wouldn't you have seen him around campus? Then again- your college is pretty big so...maybe you just forgot his face. He steps back away from you, putting his hands in his hoodie's pockets. "Enjoy the book." He says in a bored tone before turning and walking away. 

------

"Hmm…"

Once more, you're looking for a very, very specific book. For another assignment. A group one. "Uggghhh…" you mutter to yourself. You do not want to be that one guy who doesn't do any work and drags the group down. You already have one of those. As you step out from behind a bookshelf your eyes absently scan the long reading table before-

Wait.

You turn back and squint. The book! It's right there! And being read by...a pale skinned boy with honey-brown hair and green eyes. You glance around for a moment before walking over and taking a seat across from him.

"You gonna read that?"

He looks up at you, seemingly surprised. His eyes widen with realisation, and the smallest of smiles curls up his lips. "...well duh." You smirk and laugh a little bit. He sets the book down and tilts his head at you. "You get that assignment done?"

"Barely." You reply. "Now I got a group project to do."

"Ew." He wrinkles his nose in disgust. He glances from you to the book his hand is resting on. The book you need. "...what're your plans for after college?" He asks, trying to sound casual, but the question sounds like he’s inspecting you.

"A bio engineer. You?"

He blinks in surprise. "Same, actually. Specialising in curing diseases."

"Huh! I was gonna do the same. I wanna help develop medicines."

He looks at you for a moment, then smiles a bit. He closes the book and slides it over to you. "Good luck on the assignment." He says before standing up and walking away. You watch him leave with a small, curious smile. 

----

"God that professor drives me crazy…" one of your classmates mutters as they walk past you. You can't help but agree. 

Stepping outside you wrinkle your nose. It's raining. Great. And all you have is a thin jacket with no hood. A breeze blows by, and it feels like it's going straight through your clothes. You shiver. 

"Hey." A familiar voice grunts beside you. You look up in surprise and are greeted by a taller boy in a hood wearing blue goggles. One of his eyes is obscured by honey-brown hair. He reaches up, grabbing the goggles and pulling them down. Green eyes blink down at you. 

"Oh, hey." You tilt your head at him. "Book boy."

He smirks a bit, tossing his head to the side like he's mimicking you. "Is that my name?"

"Well you never told me your name."

He blinks in surprise, like he hadn't even realised he'd never told you his name. Or forgotten. You suppress a laugh. "Oh." He says. "I'm Cody. But my friends call me X."

"Why?" You ask, smiling a bit. He opens his mouth to reply, then closes it again, like he's stumped. 

"It's my favourite letter?" He finally answers. You laugh loudly. 

‘’Alright, X,’’ you smirk at him. ‘’Did you need something? Another book?’’

‘’Huh? Oh- nah.’’ he scratches at the scar on his jaw. ‘’I saw you out in the rain and uh-’’ he pauses, reaching into the brown satchel thrown across his side. He searches around in it, the contents jingling and clinking until he pulls out a folded up umbrella. ‘’I brought you this.’’ You blink in surprise. You reach out and take it. ‘’But I want something in return.’’

‘’Huh?’’

‘’One, I want my book,’’ he toys with the strap of his goggles as he speaks. ‘’And two...I wanna take you for coffee.’’

You arch your brow. ‘’...why?’’

‘’I think you’re neat.’’ he shrugs. ‘’I don’t talk to people much. And you have a similar major so…’’

You hesitate. It isn’t the first time a guy you don’t know well has asked you for coffee under the pretense of ‘you’re just neat’. You pause. He looks at you, seemingly disinterested. Like it doesn’t matter if you say yes or no. 

‘’...sure.’’ you finally say. ‘’But you’re paying.’’

He wrinkles his nose. ‘’I’ll pay the tip.’’ he says. ‘’Sixty percent.’’

------

‘’Hey, y/n!’’

You look up as you step outside your lecture hall. Cody runs towards you, shaking his honey-brown hair out of his eyes. You smile brightly at him as he stops in front of you. Cody has been warming up to you over the past few weeks. He meets you after classes, walks you to your dorm or gets coffee with you, and always, always follows you to the library. He’s...odd. Initially he was standoffish, like he didn’t really care about your company all that much, but as you’ve spent time together he’s opened up a lot more. He’s excitable, and wildly passionate about all sorts of things. But mostly science- which suits you. He helps a lot with writing papers. 

‘’Hey X.’’ you greet him. You walk past him and he trails after you. ‘’How was your day?’’

‘’Fine.’’ he says. ‘’Professor Harrison is still annoying.’’

‘’Ugh- so glad I don’t have his classes till next week…’’ you sigh. ‘’Glad it’s Friday, huh?’’

‘’Yeah.’’ he smiles a bit. 

‘’You got plans for the weekend?’’

‘’Huh? Oh, uh...not- not really. Just- research…’’

You glance over your shoulder and smile at him. ‘’You wanna come over for a bit tomorrow?’’

‘’Co-come over?’’

‘’Yeah. We can hang out, watch a movie or something.’’

‘’...you want me in your house?’’

‘’Well it’s not really a house but- yeah.’’ you smile at him. ‘’What? I can’t invite my friend over to hang out?’’

His bright green eyes seem to shimmer. ‘’Friend?’’ he asks, excitement leaking into his voice. You nod, smiling a little bit. He’s funny when he’s excited. He beams wide. ‘’S-Sure! Yeah, I can postpone my research!’’

-----

‘’Knock knock!’’

You get up off your couch and move over to the door. Opening it, you’re greeted by honey-brown hair and green eyes beaming down at you. ‘’Hey y/n.’’ Cody chirps, shifting on his feet. You step aside to let him in. He walks inside quickly, holding coffee in each hand. He puts down the coffees and rummages through his satchel. ‘’I brought you snacks, and some books I thought you might like. Oh! I also bought you a spare USB, since you almost lost yours last week. You can back your files up on this one just in case-’’

‘’Cody.’’ you interrupt. He looks over at you. ‘’You...didn’t need to get me all of this.’’ you frown. You only invited him over for a movie- why all the stuff? 

‘’...I wanted to help.’’ he murmurs. ‘’I know you like coffee, so I thought you’d like some. Then I thought we’d need snacks for the movie, and then I passed the library and remembered the USB thing so I-’’ he fiddles with his hands. ‘’Isn’t that what friends do?’’

‘’...Cody,’’ you say. He stares at you. ‘’You’ve never had a friend before, have you?’’

He hesitates, then shakes his head. ‘’Not really.’’ he shrugs. ‘’Nobody was ever interesting enough to talk to,’’ he glances aside. ‘’But...you’re different. I dunno how but- you are.’’

You fold your arms, looking at him for a few moments, then exhale gently. ‘’...you’re really weird, X.’’

-----

‘’Hey y/n?’’ 

‘’Huh?’’ you look up from the cheap chinese takeout the two of you ordered. It has become a routine for the two of you to hang out on weekends. And during the week. Cody meets up with you almost every day, and the days he doesn’t he’s...completely impossible to reach. Like he dropped off the face off the earth. But you don’t mind too much.

‘’What do you think of human experiments?’’ his eyes stare into you. You blink.

‘’If they’re safe, then yeah. If it clears animal testing first I think human testing should begin, if the correct safety procedures are taken.’’

He nods. ‘’Yeah, yeah but…’’ he taps his fingers on the table for a second. ‘’Sometimes we need to disregard those protocols. That’s a fact, right?’’

‘’...yeah?’’ you tilt your head, confused.

‘’So what if we used bad people for those experiments? Like death row criminals. It would speed up the process.’’

You blink for a moment. ‘’I mean-’’ you think for a moment. ‘’I dunno…’’ you look away. ‘’Why are you asking me this?’’

‘’No reason.’’ Cody looks back at you and shrugs. ‘’The topic came up in class earlier and it just crossed my mind.’’

----

‘’Knockknocknockknocknockknockkno-’’

You yank open your door and glare up at the person in the doorway. ‘’It’s three in the mo-’’ you pause. The tall, rude person in your doorway is breathing heavily through a gas mask. Their head is lowered, their face obscured by honey-brown hair. They cough.

‘’Sorry for wakin’ you.’’ he grunts. He leans up off the doorway and stumbles forward. You catch him quickly.

‘’Cody?! What the fuck?! Is that you?!” 

"Yeah…" he coughs a bit and grips your shoulders for support. "I got in a fight…"

You pull him over to your couch. He collapses onto it and groans. You pull off his gas mask and goggles and look at his face. It seems to be okay- because of the gas mask probably. Good protection for his face. 

"Where does it hurt?" You ask quickly.

"They fucking kicked me in the gut." He mutters back. He coughs a couple times. "H-Hey, did I drop my baseball bat…?"

"Baseball bat?" You stand up and look over at your door, which is still open. A baseball bat with nails sticking out of the head leans against the doorway. You move over and grab it, closing the door. "Why do you have this thing?"

"Self defense." He grunts back. "Can you get me some ice?"

"Sure, sure yeah."

------

"So like…" Cody looks up from his cereal as you speak. He's been staying in your dorm for the past few days, recovering from getting beat up. "Does this happen...often…?"

He looks at you. "Why would you think that?"

"Because you have a weapon for self defense and you have a scar on your jaw." You point at him. He palms at the jagged scar on his jawline. 

"Oh." He says. "This one isn't from a fight."

You frown and tilt your head. "It isn't?"

"I was in a car accident when I was eight." He says. "My parents died in it. I didn't."

You blink, completely taken aback. "Shit- really?" You suddenly regret all the curious looks you've given that scar over the past while. "That's horrible- I'm sorry dude."

He waves you off. "It's nothing." He murmurs. It's quiet and awkward for a while before he speaks again. "I got a lot more scars from the crash. You wanna see?" He grins at you. You break out into a smile.

"...oh heck yeah I do."

-----

‘’Hey y/n?’’

‘’Huh?’’ you look up from your laptop and over at Cody, who’s laying on his back on your bed, staring at the ceiling through his blue goggles. He doesn’t answer for a moment. 

‘’How long have we been friends?’’ His voice is small and thoughtful. Maybe even sad. You frown.

‘’Like….six months. Why?’’

‘’That’s a long time.’’ he muses, sounding surprised. He turns and looks at you. ‘’...I trust you.’’

‘’You trust me?’’

‘’Yeah.’’ he looks at the ceiling again. ‘’I trust you. A lot. I’ve never really- had a friend before...but I trust you.’’ he turns to you again. ‘’I’m glad I met you, y/n.’’

‘’...what sparked that?’’ you ask gently. Cody shrugs.

‘’Dunno. Was just thinkin’ bout stuff…’’ he’s quiet for a while. ‘’You ever think about how chickens are descended from dinosaurs so technically dino nuggets are dinosaur meat?’’ he breaks the silence. 

‘’PFFFFF-’’

----

‘’Hey! y/n!’’ 

You look up just in time to see Cody sprinting towards you from the other side of the campus. His gas mask is on, even though he doesn’t seem to be coming from the campus’s lab, as are his goggles. His hood falls down, exposing honey-brown hair. You walk quickly toward him and he stumbles towards you, then doubles over gasping for air. 

‘’Uh- you oka-’’

‘’HEY! YOU!’’ 

You look up quickly and see a campus security guard sprinting towards the both of you. Your eyes widen and Cody grabs your wrist. ‘’Canttalknowjustrun!’’ he hisses before sprinting off again with you in tow. You yelp as you’re yanked across campus, in between buildings, and off the grounds entirely. Eventually, you’re yanked into an alleyway and the two of you lean against the wall, panting and gasping for air. You flop your head against your shoulder and stare at him. 

‘’Cody…’’

‘’Y-yeah?’’

‘’What the fuck?!’’

He gulps and looks at you. ‘’I...may have pissed off the security guard.’’

‘’How?’’

‘’I uh-’’ he pauses, looking at you. It’s silent for a few moments and he sighs. ‘’I’ve...been lying to you.’’

‘’Huh?’’

‘’I don’t actually attend your college,’’ he murmurs. ‘’I...graduated years ago. I’m just some- homeless dude who hangs around the campus sometimes for fun.’’

You stare at him. ‘’What...the fuck…?’’ he doesn’t say anything. ‘’Why would you lie to me?!’’

‘’Because I…’’ he shrugs. ‘’I didn’t want you to think less of me...I just wanted you to treat me like anyone else...like- a friend…’’ he sighs. ‘’...I’m sorry…’’

You stare at him for a few moments, then sigh gently. You lean off the wall and pat his shoulder. ‘’I don’t think less of you because of any of this,’’ you murmur. ‘’I’m hurt because- well...I thought you trusted me.’’ His head snaps to you, staring in surprise. ‘’It is weird that you hang around on campus yeah but- you’re not a creep. I know you’re not. You just- wanna be accepted. Right?’’

He pauses, staring at the ground. ‘’...yeah. I do.’’

‘’Then I accept you.’’ you hesitate for a second, then hug him gently. His arms cautiously and gently wrap around you. ‘’And you’re staying with me, okay? I don’t want you on the streets anymore. You don’t need to get hurt.’’

"...okay." he murmurs. "...thanks."

------

"I'm home!"

"Y/n!" Cody rolls over onto his stomach and grins at you from his spot on the couch, which is also basically his bed now. "How was your lecture? Learn anything interesting?"

You shrug off your backpack and walk over to the couch. Cody curls up to make room for you as you sit down. "It was alright." You murmur. Cody shifts around and leans against you, smiling up at you. He's cute, you'll admit. Like an excited puppy. Always happy to see you. You reach over and pat him. He moves his hand up and grabs your hand, squeezing it in his. He stays there for a few moments, staring up at you fondly before he withdraws his hand. 

"Here." he grabs the remote from the other side of the couch using his socked feet, then grabs it with his hands before passing it to you. You take it and lie back, flicking through channels idly. You glance at him. He's still staring at you. 

"You need something?"

He shakes his head. "Nah." He turns back to the tv. "I just like your face."

You smirk. "Thanks. Yours too."

------

"Uuuggghh…"

You sit up and bury your face in your hands. You're stressed. Extremely so. This damn assignment is impossible! You can't figure it out. At all. You're just about ready to give up. 

"Y/n?"

You look up and see Cody crouched near your bed where you're sitting. He looks up at you with his best puppy eyes. "I think you need a break." He murmurs. He reaches up and takes one of your hands in his, pulling it down and tugging it. You sigh, push your laptop away and lie down so you're facing him. 

"Fine." 

He smiles and reaches into his pocket, pulling something out. Your favourite candy bar. "Here," he holds it up to you. "To get your energy back."

You take it and smile. "How'd you know it's my favourite?"

He smiles. "Lucky guess." That's a lie. Definitely. He climbs onto your bed and lays down beside you. You look at him while munching on your chocolate.

"Cody," you ask tiredly. "...what do you do when no matter what you can't find the answer?"

He blinks, then frowns. "I keep going," he answers. "I try to change something every time and peace together the answer. I work outside the box, break the rules…" he frowns and looks down. "...four hundred and twenty three times."

"Huh?"

He looks up at you, surprised. "Oh! Uh- it's nothing. I just remembered this one experiment I did...heh...took me four hundred and twenty three tries to get it right..." he seems suddenly fidgety and- maybe even sad.

"Damn." Your eyes widen. "What was the experiment?"

"...nothing important." He smiles at you. He reaches over and pats your cheek a couple times. "Now, cmere. You're taking your break in cuddle-town."

You squint at him. "...cuddle-town."

"Yep!" He lifts his arm up for you. "Cmonnnn...you know you wannaaaa."

You give him a stern look. Then a smile curls up your face and you laugh. "Alright, alright. I'll bite." you scoot closer to him and let him hug you tight. He smells of chemicals and takeout. It's a weird smell, but welcoming. He hums happily. "...Thanks X."

"No problem." He chirps back, nuzzling his face into your hair.

-------

"You made a mistake."

"Huh?" You're curled up against Cody, doing your homework. Part of your course is a mandatory math class. Ugh. Your back is resting against his front while you do your work. His arms are wrapped around you, hugging you gently. Not the most conventional position for math homework, but a damn comfy one. 

His arm moves from around your hip and points at the paper you're writing on. "You need to multiply here. Not subtract. Then you'll get a minus, but you'll have to change the signs so your answer would be…" he pauses for a moment. "Minus X to the power of four over three Y to the power of six."

You blink and frown for a couple moments. "Oh!" You cross out your mistake and correct it. "Like that?"

Cody nods. "Exactly." His arm winds around you again. You smile a bit.

"How are you so good at math?" You ask. He shrugs.

"Studied my butt off in highschool and learned everything twice as fast as everyone else." He says with a laugh. You snicker.

"Why?"

"Wanted to prove that I could do it." He murmurs. He leans down and presses his face into your hair. He's probably sniffing it but you choose to ignore that because math homework is hard. "...why did you decide to become a scientist?"

"I wanted to help people." You murmur. He hums in thought.

"Why?"

You shrug. "It's the right thing to do, isn't it?"

He's quiet for a moment. "yeah," his hand runs up your stomach. "I guess it is."

-----

"I wanna take you somewhere."

You look up at Cody. "Okay," you say. "Where?"

"...dinner."

"Dinner where?"

"Downtown. Somewhere you like. Somewhere fancy." 

You smirk at him a bit. ‘’Alright...when?’’

‘’Right now. Today.’’

You blink in surprise and look at the clock on the wall, then him. ‘’We’d have to get ready like- right now.’’

‘’Okay.’’ he stands up like it’s nothing. ‘’Go get ready.’’

Cody’s sudden wanting to eat out is odd. He’s always been happy with takeout and your own cooking, so why he suddenly wants to go out is- odd. But you’re not complaining. The restaurant he brings you to is nice, and even though he’s suddenly fidgety and a little on-edge, he’s still his regular, cute self. Spending time with him is something you enjoy deeply. Why else would you have let him live with you? He’s like your best friend- maybe even something more. While the two of you are leaving the restaurant his hand brushes against yours and he ever so carefully entwines his hand with yours. Okay yeah. It’s definitely something more.

Instead of walking home, the two of you end up walking to a nearby park. It’s a peaceful night. A little cold, but Cody’s hand feels warm and comforting. He stops suddenly, and turns to you. You stare at him.

‘’y/n?’’

‘’Yeah?’’

He hesitates. ‘’Do you…’’ he glances aside. ‘’...do you like me?’’ his body language is nervous, but his tone is full of forced confidence. 

‘’Of course I like you.’’ you tilt your head at him. ‘’...you’re acting weird. What’s wrong?’’

He looks surprised for a moment. He quickly collects himself and gulps, glancing aside. ‘’I…’’ he fiddles with his hands. ‘’It’s...nothing, y/n. Just- forget it. I’ll take you home.’’

‘’Wait-’’ you stop and step toward him, grabbing his wrist. He stares at you in surprise. You yank him toward you, intending to pull him into a hug but- you yank too hard and Cody stumbles into you, making you, in turn, stumble backwards into a tree. You’re left leaning against it, with Cody leaning over you, staring down in surprise. It’s deathly silent for a few tense moments before a smile curls up his face. He snorts, then laughs, then falls against you giggling. You slowly crack up with him and reach up, gripping his arms as the two of you giggle at absolutely nothing. He lifts his head up and smiles at you. His face is only inches from yours. He’s so close you can see the lighter speckles in his green eyes and individual strands of his honey-brown hair. His features are soft. Welcoming. ‘’Cody,’’ you murmur. ‘’...I do like you. A lot.’’

‘’Huh?’’ he seems completely taken aback by this. ‘’Really?’’ he doesn’t sound like he quite believes you. You chuckle.

‘’Yes.’’ you smile up at him. Slowly, you reach up and cup his face in your hands. ‘’C’mere…’’ you murmur, pulling him down to you. You close the gap and kiss him gently. He tenses up, a quiet gasp of surprise escaping his mouth. Slowly, he leans into the kiss, kneading against you. He feels warm. Comforting. Safe. You shiver as he reaches down, grabbing your hip with one hand. The two of you pull away and stare at each other. It’s silent. You can feel his warm breath against your face. 

‘’y/n?’’ he breaks the silence. You look up at him. ‘’...I love you.’’

A smile curls up your face. You grab him and pull him down for another kiss. ‘’I love you too.’’ you giggle. He grins and wraps his arms around you, squeezing you tightly. He lifts you up in his arms and nuzzles into your shoulder. You giggle and grip his shoulders as he swings you around until he stumbles and falls back. The two of you yelp out in surprise as you fall onto the grass. Cody is still holding you tight, staring up at you with a wide smile. You smile down at him lovingly and comb your hand through his honey-brown hair. ‘’I love you too…’’ you murmur once more.

[jkbabiey]

{JJK} Say it ⤇ 3

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Pairing:  fuckboy!jungkook x student!reader

Word Count: ~3.16 K

Genre: fluff (ig) and yes, the flirty tension keeps up ; college!AU

Warnings: Jungkook is a cocky and flirty asshole; he’s a literal ass (not really literal okay?) and Y/N is nervous :) she’s adorable <3

10th march, 2023

“You what?” Jimin screeched in the middle of the very boring pharmacology class you were both attending at the moment. You hurried to put your hand over his mouth and his eyes got even bigger than they were when you blurted out ‘I’m going out with Jungkook’, muttering while writing some notes on your notebook like it was a piece of absolutely non-important information. No big deal.

“I didn’t even give him your number, how the fuck are you two going on a date already?” he whisper-screamed and you chuckled.

“Calm down, it’s just a date...”

“How?” he asked, still plenty of confusion written all over his face.

“Well, let’s just say we knew each other before in a night club and when I said I wouldn’t sleep with him, he asked my number to one of my friends, like three weeks ago...” you finally explained and Jimin gasped

“You sultry whore, you were pretending not to know him all this time,” he laughed and playfully hit you on the shoulder. 

You ignored him, directing your brief attention to the professor that was trying to give his full potential in his class, to get to all of the students present. “So you know, Pharmacodynamics is defined as how the body reacts to the drugs. Medication is said to have a narrow or wide therapeutic index, certain safety factor or therapeutic...” but then, your the main topic of your interest was that you knew barely anything about Jungkook, except for his name, his major and that he was Jimin’s best friend.

“So... umm- ho-how do you think I should dress?” you asked, cursing yourself for the soft stutter of your voice. You just couldn’t help it. You were literally talkin’ to your date’s best friend, asking for advice on how to please the guy. 

“Oh, she’s nervous...” he teased and you felt your cheeks heat up instantaneously

“I’m not nervous, I just don’t know what to wear...” you whispered and he laughed quietly

“Well, I don’t really know... he has dated or at least slept with a whole bunch of different girls, like almost every single girl in college...” he mumbled mindlessly but your eyes quickly averted from your scribbled notebook to his figure. Rubbing his chin and furrowing his eyebrows, he seemed not to notice your sudden concern. Jimin was in deep thought, trying to remember one single characteristic that his best friend’s ex-lovers could all share, but nothing seemed to come to his mind. 

“Well... I don’t think he has a type...” he stated, finally looking at you, shrugging. Noticing your worried expression, he quickly took his hand to yours, laying on the table and squeezing it, deeply regretting his early words. “He’s not the kind of guy to fuck around,” he mumbled, his tone of voice suddenly, a lot softer. “Well, actually he kind of is, but he’s not an asshole. He just fucks around because he hasn’t found the right girl, don’t worry... Just be yourself and I’m telling you it will work out, you’re just his type!”

“You just told me he doesn’t have a type!”

Jimin rubbed his neck “He’s a really good guy, just give him a chance...” he pleaded, trying to not ruin his friend’s chances with you. 

You didn’t say anything else for a few minutes and you really didn’t plan on doing so, but it had already passed about 5 minutes since the conversation had supposedly ended and Jimin’s lost puppy eyes were still fixed on you.

“Fine! I’ll go but you’ll have to help me find an outfit!” you warned and Jimin’s face immediately lightened up. 

“Yes ma’am!”

Panic. Absolute chaos.

Your date was meant to be at 6 PM and you had already postponed it to 7:30 PM. You were that desperate. Jimin was laying on your bed and you were sitting beside his bare feet, on the end of the mattress. 

“You were supposed to help me,” you whined, looking at your new-made friend’s unbothered face.

“I’ll help if you show me some options or am I supposed to just go and barge into your closet?” he asked, and you could perceive some annoyance in his tone, which aroused a pout in your lips.

“That’s exactly what you’re supposed to do...” you murmured, still pouting and Jimin sighed, standing up and looking through the cabinets in your closet.

“This is somewhat depressing,” he stated, “Why don’t you own casual dresses?”

“Because I don’t usually wear dresses,” your rolled your eyes.

“This will have to do,” he mumbled, turning to you with a pair of flared high-waisted light jeans and a tight low-cut crop top.

“It’s just a dinner, after all, right?” you asked, unsure of how appropriate the outfit he’d suggested was for the occasion.

“Yeah, I assure you Jungkook’s not taking you to one of those fancy restaurants,” he shrugged “and you’ll look beautiful anyways, you’re stunning Y/N” he continued, making sure to boost your ego and you smiled sweetly at him

“Thank you,” you acknowledged his sympathy, kissing his cheek briefly and turning to the bathroom with the determined clothes in your hands. 

It was crazy for you to think about how less than a week ago you would spend hours of your day daydreaming about Jimin and now he was nothing more than a very close friend to you. You and he had always been friends, even in high school, but you had always kept your distance, due to your immense crush on the boy. Then, Jungkook surged, out of nowhere, and suddenly Jimin didn’t seem to have any effect on you and the hours spent daily thinking about him, have been replaced with short minutes of wondering what Jungkook could be doing at the moment. And you couldn’t even believe you were spending one single second of your day doing that.

Turns out the outfit looked extremely good on you and Jimin was a great stylist. Maybe he shouldn’t be studying medicine. He did your hair, straightening it and doing it quicker than you would ever. 

[Jungkook, 7:28 PM] - Are you ready?

[Jungkook, 7:29 PM] - Can I go pick you up?

[Jungkook, 7:29 PM] - You’re not standing me up, are you?

“Oh, he’s simping for you now?” Jimin asked teasingly, lurking over your shoulder while straightening the last curly lock of hair. He would be a great boyfriend and you were seriously thinking of presenting him to your best friend. 

[You, 7:31 PM] - I wouldn’t stand you up...

[You, 7:31 PM] - You can come pick me up.

“And then what? You just left?” you asked, an amused smile playing on your lips

“She was cheating on me! Was I supposed to just stay there, watching?” he tried to give a proper excuse that to you just sounded like a really lame one.

“She wasn’t even dating you, Jungkook!” you screeched and he burst out in laughter, you quickly following him. “So you punched your friend, just because he was kissing the girl you had been talking to for three days? And you’re telling me that girl was your first love? The one you had been texting for three days?”

“She was really pretty!” he stated, holding a tattooed hand up as if trying to avoid the playful judgy gaze you were sending his way.

Turns out Jungkook had brought you to a nice diner in the middle of the city. It was very cozy and you had never felt so comfortable in any other restaurant if you could call it that. Jungkook was also another reason why you felt so untroubled and relaxed. He was a very calming presence, completely the opposite of what you had expected. Of course, you couldn’t deny the very discrete fuckboy aura that surrounded him, but it was a very soft and comforting aura and you had never felt so welcomed by someone as you felt in the moment you got in Jungkook’s car. 

He was wearing light grey sweatpants and a black sweatshirt, his hair was messy and, in your most humble opinion, he looked even better dressing his casual clothes, other than with any other of the ones you had seen him wearing before. He looked as if he had put very little to no effort into how he looked, in contrast to you that had been close to suffering a psychedelic attack with no idea of what to wear. Somehow, the fact he didn’t need to even dress himself in “proper” clothes to look good was working as a major turn-on for you. You were grateful Jimin had made you wear such a casual look, you wouldn’t want to look too dressed up next to your date.

“So what? You texted each other for 3 days and you were sure she was your first love?”

“C’mon I was 17, I could walk by a pretty girl on the street and feel like I had found my soulmate,” he laughed, softly scratching his cheek. You laughed and looked down at your hamburger. When you looked back up, he was staring. Intensely and with a sly smirk plastered on his lips. 

“What?” you asked, anxiousness slowly building up inside you.

“And who was your first love?” he repeated the question you had made playfully when he mentioned his first love would have to be french fries, earlier.

“Oh,” you exclaimed, your eyes wide and your hand, immediately taken up to rub your ear, a nervous habit you had developed through time. “I do-don’t think I-I’ve ever had my first love,” you mumbled shyly. If he hadn’t understood how inexperienced you were in the whole relationship area, he certainly had just now.

“You haven’t, really?” he asked, eyebrows raised but no judgement evident in his voice.

“Nope,” you shook your head, “I’m not the social type, never came across someone I’ve really loved, I think..”

“Ever had a boyfriend?” he asked, running his hand through his hair and repositioning himself in the red cushioned sofa he was previously laid out across, deciding to sit up and lean on his forearms. His face closer to yours now.

“Well... Yeah, I had one boyfriend, I was like 18, but I don’t think I felt something that deep for him” you said, suddenly not feeling ashamed of your lack of experience, probably because, once again, he had a very calming presence, and he looked very interested, something you wouldn’t expect in a million years.

“Tell me more,” he asked, licking his lips, and you chuckled.

“Well, he was a great guy, his name was Lucas and there’s really not much t-” “I want to know more about you, stupid, not about your ex,” he interrupted and your eyes were once again, exaggeratedly widened. He giggled, covering his eyes with his hand “Loosen up, I’m just trying to get to know you.”

“Um... There’s nothing to know,” you muttered and Jungkook smiled

“Tell me something, anything... I don’t usually take girls on dates so you have to make it worth something,” he muttered

“Doesn’t I being here make it worth enough?” you asked teasingly, trying to pretend to be offended. The real intention was obviously dodging the attention from you. 

But Jungkook had to catch up.

“Of course it does, but it’ll all go away if I get out of here not knowing a thing about you besides your name,” he stated.

“Well my name’s Y/N Y/L/N, I’m 21, studying medicine with Jimin. I had a huge crush on Jimin before you. I liv-”

“Before me?” he asked suddenly, an indicator of what could be a huge mocking grin on his face 

“U-um” you stuttered and Jungkook laughed. “Well y-yeah, I guess...”

“Am I your new crush Y/N?”

You blushed and let out a loud grunt. “Stop talking, Jungkook!”

“Okay, I’ll pretend I didn’t hear this and you can go on with your oral presentation,” he teased and you sent him a glare.

“You know what? I’m going to the bathroom,” you said and he chuckled

“You sure need some cold water, your cheeks look red.”

[You, 8:04 PM] - Jimin!

[Chim, 8:05 PM] - Is everything ok?

[You, 8:05 PM] - Besides the fact that I just told him I have a crush on him, yeah... Everything’s going smoothly :)

[Chim, 8:06 PM] - WJWIH YOU TOLD HIM THAT?

[Chim, 8:06 PM] - Don’t worry too much, if he didn’t leave after that he probably thinks you’re hot.

[You, 8:06 PM] -I’m pretty sure he doesn’t :(

[Chim, 8:07 PM] - Wash your face and get out of the bathroom, if he’s still waiting for you, he thinks you’re hot.

[You, 8:07 PM] - Are u sayin’ there’s a possibility that he left?

[Chim, 8:07 PM] - GO Y/N!

You placed your phone in the counter and looked yourself in the mirror, sighing and just as you were about to wash your face a notification sound, that you found particularly familiar, ringed.

[Jungkook, 8:09 PM] - Are you still alive?

So he thought you were hot, according to Jimin.

But, after you ignored his text and washed your face, reapplying a bit of mascara and a thin layer of foundation - you’ve never been a type to use too much make-up - you got out of the bathroom and found Jungkook talking to a girl, a young blonde and absolutely gorgeous girl whom you recognized her from campus.

“I’m back,” you said, sitting down in front of Jungkook but your eyes were directed to the girl who was now looking back at you, a not very nice look on her eyes.

“I’m glad,” Jungkook answered, discretely sending you a playful gaze. “Y/N, this is Lisa, a friend of mine. Lisa, this is Y/N, she’s a friend too” 

You looked at Jungkook and redeemed yourself to a simple nod. You really couldn’t expect anything but that.

“Hi!” you greeted the girl, a nice smiled placed on your lips. Despite the very friendly voice you used and the pleasing smile, she hummed and sent Jungkook one very nasty look. You raised your brows and Junkook chuckled.

“Is she the next one on your list?” she asked, annoyance very remarkably present in her voice tone.

“Lisa please, not here. Can we not talk about that now?” he gave her the prettiest begging eyes you’d ever seen and in that moment you stopped seeing the funny and charming man you had been hanging out with the whole night. It was clearer now that in any other moment why everyone knew about him on campus and held a very infamous fuckboy reputation against him. You knew that if you stood up and got the hell out of that diner, he wouldn’t go after you. He’d probably rather take Lisa home and have a good night of delight with her. “I’ll call you later,” he stated and you looked at him again, taken aback by the flirty voice he was using in front of you, shamelessly directing it to another girl.

“When can you come over to my place?” she asked, her voice suddenly so much softer and her eyes free from any anger that could be left. 

Smooth-talker.

“I’ll let you know when I’m free,” he smiled at her and she hummed. A flirty hum, which you found extremely annoying. 

“Ok, I’m going then,” she said finally and smiled back at him. Walking away after sending you on last noxious stare, to which, you shamefully tore you eyes away from, directing them to Jungkook’s, that were once again fixed on you. You sent him a questioning look, but he kept on staring as if that hadn’t been just your date audaciously flirting with someone else, in front of you.

“What was that?”

“What?” 

You tilted your head to the side, a bored look on your eyes and he sighed.

“Just ignore that, she’s just a friend,” he muttered and you looked down to your hands. Suddenly his tattoed hand came into your field of vision, taking a hold of your left hand. You relaxed, instantaneously.

“Everything fine?” he asked

And that was your turn to hum.

Smooth-talker.

13th march, 2023

[Jungkook, 5:56 PM] - So... What do you think? Do I get a second date or...

[You, 6:00 PM] - You haven’t really let me have my full week of not hearing your voice :(

You were texting Jungkook... Again. 

You two had been texting since the date. He took you home and - as requested by you - sent you a message when he got home, just to guarantee that he wouldn’t have an ugly accident and die just because of you.

[Jungkook, 6:01 PM] - Why are you pretending i’m a pain in your ass, princess?

And he insisted on using the nickname.

[Jungkook, 6:01 PM] - Jimin’s my best friend if you didn’t notice

[Jungkook, 6:02 PM] - He already told me you love me :)

[You, 6:02 PM] - I do not!

[Jungkook, 6:02 PM] - He also told me you were freaking out in the bathroom when you told me about your huge crush on me 

You looked over at Jimin, sitting next to you. His eyes focused on the last class you two would be attending that day, microbiology. Your hands were covered from the professor’s view under the table. All that to be able to talk to Jungkook. Jimin had noticed this and somehow he hadn’t hysterically screamed at you. Yet. “Jimin, you’re a dead man.” You whispered so that only he could hear you, in a room full of focused students. 

“What?” He looked at you confused, his brows furrowed. When you were ready to explain to him the reason behind your angry eyes, you felt the mobile in your hands vibrate twice again and quickly disguised your attention from your friend to your hands. 

[Jungkook, 6:03 PM] - If it makes you feel any better...

[Jungkook, 6:03 PM] - I told him about my crush on you too ;)

[Jungkook, 6:04 PM] - So... second date?

The casualty. The freaking casualty. You looked over at Jimin again, your cheeks flushed but the anger in your eyes was nowhere to be found. He raised his brows, questioning you.

“Forget it,” you smiled at him and he chuckled.

[You, 6:05 PM] - K

[Jungkook, 6:06 PM] - ;)

[You, 6:07 PM] - Fuck you :(

[Jungkook, 6:08 PM] - Yeah, later ;)

You slapped your phone on the table, blushing heavily, and Jimin looked at you wide-eyed, a slight smirk on his lips. He knew his best friend and he knew you. He knew that this reaction, coming from you, could only be related to one topic. You tried to ignore his teasing stare for the rest of the class and pay attention to the actual theory your professor was busy reciting.

Your mind was still stuck in Jungkook’s answer, though.

[zenobiaofbyzantium]

It happened.

It finally found me. And my family.

We contracted - I don’t know how the fuck it happened - COVID & tested positive for over a week ago. It has been... I don’t know how to describe. Like a roller-coaster, maybe?

Upon learning that we all tested positive, I tried to keep it cool but I lost it. As I’ve mentioned in my previous posts, I’m immuno-compromised & using immuno-suppresant meds for a while now. Thankfully I’m not too compromised to stay in hospital regularly but I’m much more receptive to catch any disease, let alone a fucking SARS virus.

The Health Department caught up with us immediately. I am more than grateful for all the healthcare workers. It all would go to hell without them. Once our tests came back, a contact-tracing team from Health Department came to our house and brought meds. In Turkey, Favipiravir is used to treat SARS-CoV-2 patients so we recieved some as well.

In addition we have taken some vitamin C & D supplements. We have also taken anticoagulant to prevent clotting. We checked our vitals twice a day - blood pressure, oxygen level, temperature - and I kept log. At last, our treatment ended couple of days ago. We’ll be released from isolation by monday.

What can I say... Well, I can state that it sucked thoroughly. It was one of the worst things I’ve ever experienced. I felt like I’d been suffering from a heavy cold. One moment I was energetic, cleaning out the MA files on my computer and other, every cell, every organ in my body hurt like hell. My stomach was on fire and on the second day I lost sense of taste & smell at the same time.

Then came the psychological hit. I guess until I lost sense of taste & smell, I’d been holding on. Once I did, I collapsed. I could not rest, I could not read / watch / study / work... I wanted to burst into tears but kept holding on for the sake of my mother. Like I said, it thoroughly sucked.

Thankfully, treatment is over. We all feel so much better already. I have much less pain. Still taking vitamin supplements & my usual medication but other than that it’s done.

I wish this on noone. And for me, it was more like a heavy cold. I did not need hospitalization &/ intubation. For every breath I take, I am grateful for all the medicine & healthcare workers both in my country and on a global basis. We would have lost so much more if you were not here to help. Thank you, all!

One of my oldest friends is an RN in pediatric COVID service and she also experienced COVID some time ago. She gave me so much support. I wll be forever thankful to her. And three of my best friends kept me sane, constantly reaching out and asking how my health is. My favorite (yes, I have a favorite) cousin drove by to our house and dropped food, some vitamins and dessert. One of my uncles dropped by and also brought food & dessert. My father’s buddy stopped by, bringing food. My mom’s friend brought vegetables & fruits. Brought me to tears. I never knew how lucky I am with all the people in my life.

My mom, dad, brother and I feel so much better already. Thankfully we’ve experienced it like a cold. We did not have trouble breathing or pain we cannot overcome with OTC painkillers. But as I’ve previously mentioned, I think the psychological toll will be haunting us a little bit longer. Isolated in a house for almost two-weeks & not being able to go outside, take a walk, go to the market etc. felt so much smothering.

Today, I felt like I was gaining my taste & smell back. It’s not like before, but I think they’re coming back. I was able to taste chocolate bar & smell my perfume a little. When you don’t have taste & smell, you do not want to eat & drink anything. Everything tastes like plain tap water. I hope to gain them back fully ASAP.

My parents and brother are also better. We’re just hoping we don’t contract it again or at least get vaccinated before. Well it’s Turkey, so odds are we will contract before getting vaccinated. Fingers crossed.

I am thinking about resting for the weekend and getting back to work on monday. Hopefully I don’t suffer from the long term effects of this disease.

I just wish noone suffers from this god awful disease anymore. The medicine & pharmacology found its vaccine. All the people on earth MUST be able to access any of the vaccines equally. There is absolutely no argument for otherwise. People are dying every second by this preventable & treatable disease on the face of this earth. It cannot go on like this.

Hope the situation in all corners of the planet gets better. Hope they understand that “herd immunity” requires all of us getting immune to this, not a certain nation &/ people. ALL OF US.

Take care of yourselves, my fellow brethren.

Peace and out.