#I’ve stopped at more loves than anything though because I have historically done long trips through rural areas

[ieattaperecorders]

“I’m rambling again aren’t I?” and “Is that okay with you?” for the jmart prompt please :)

Cannon compliant, 1.4k, set at the end of S4. Prompt from here.

---

Cash only, no IDs, change directions at least twice. That was what Basira advised, so they were taking a roundabout route - train to bus to train again, a walk to another station, and then a third train to the outskirts of a town near a village near an isolated cabin. Someplace to hide.

Each time they stopped Jon would grab maps and brochures to stuff in his pockets, studying them carefully during quiet moments. Something about being prepared to act as if they were headed to a different destination if anybody asked.

Nobody did ask, and in any case Jon would have probably looked weird and suspicious, throwing in needless details about whatever place they were meant to be visiting. But it was painfully endearing, the way he poured over them, concentrating like he was prepping for an exam. One hand holding the brochure, the other usually clasped over Martin's or pawing at the fabric of his sleeve.

At one point, Jon's hand absently came to rest on Martin's knee. He flinched -- surprised at the unfamiliar contact, at the intimacy. Then he covered Jon's hand with his own, keeping careful around the edge of the wide, angry scar Jude Perry had left.

It had been so long since anyone touched Jon gently. It had been so long since anyone touched Martin at all.

* * *

There'd been a quick, fearful trip to Martin's flat so he could pack a bag. Jon barely let go of him the entire time, as if scared that he might still disappear. (Maybe he was scared. Maybe he was right to be.) He frowned when, after only a few minutes, Martin zipped up a small bag of clothes and toiletries and said that he was ready.

"You . . . may want to look around a bit," he said softly. "See if there's anything else you want to take. We might not be able to come back here."

"Thought the idea was to get in and out quickly. And shouldn't we be traveling light?"

"We can spare another minute. Besides . . . ." he bit his lip. "You might want to keep a few things. Even if they don't seem important. You may end up missing them if you lose this place."

Martin glanced around. The truth was he'd been living sparsely for a while. Bit by bit, he'd boxed up and donated most of his personal things over the last several months. It had just felt right.

(Jon's flat was long gone. He only had the small satchel he'd been carrying, and a plastic bag of thrift store clothes that Basira had gotten for him.)

He ended up grabbing a few books, a notebook he hadn't written in for a while, a couple of cheap pens, and a scarf that he'd always liked. The small carved box his grandfather had given him ages ago went in the bag too -- he'd never found anything to put in it, but he'd kept it all these years and it still smelled pleasantly like cedar.

Despite Jon's insistence they could spare another minute, he spent the entire time Martin packed bouncing restlessly on his heels, his gaze flicking back and forth between the windows.

"God, it's cold in here," he whispered.

". . . Is it?"

"Yes. Colder than outside . . . noticeably so," Jon looked at him sadly. "You can't feel it?"

Martin shook his head. He hadn't noticed.

"Suppose I'm used to it," he said.

Gravely, Jon nodded. He took Martin's hand and squeezed. Martin held back for a moment, then pointed out it was hard to pack with one hand, and Jon awkwardly let go. Another minute and they were done.

As they made for the door, Martin noticed Jon shivering and thought Basira ought to have gotten him a heavier coat.

"Hold on."

He made a detour to the closet, grabbed one of his thicker jackets and held it out. It would swim on Jon, but at least it was something.

"Dunno if it works on supernatural cold spots, but it'll be cold in Scotland too," he explained. "You'll want more than a windbreaker."

Jon stared at him for a moment, then swallowed heavily and nodded. As he put it on, folding the sleeves back so his hands would fit out, Martin noticed him wiping at his eyes.

Was he tearing up? Why? It was only a jacket, one Martin was probably going to lose anyway.

Jon held his hand all the way to the train station.

* * *

They didn't talk about the Lonely on the train. They didn't talk about any of it there, not the Institute, the entities, the attack. It was all too risky if they were overheard.

Instead, Jon talked about the places they weren't going, the things he read about as they went. Describing historical points of interest or natural features, sometimes adding a jarringly morbid fact that Martin was sure he hadn't gotten from the brochures. He suspected part of it was an attempt to engage him, as Martin found himself going long stretches saying next to nothing.

It was nice, though, listening to him chatter on as if they were out on holiday. Sitting there with the landscape going by, the rumble of the train around them and Jon talking about some landmark or another, Martin could pretend they were just out seeing the sights. Traveling on their own time, without a care in the world.

As it got late into the night, he realized the train car they were in was empty. It was the last one that ran, and there hadn't been many on it to begin with, so it wasn't much of a surprise. But with no one else there, they had a chance to speak more freely.

"Jon?" Martin nudged him, interrupting his description of a stone burial site a few miles down the line.

"Hmm?" Jon started, smiling sheepishly. "Sorry. I'm rambling, aren't I?"

"It's not that. Was just thinking . . . I know the plan is to keep moving, but we'll have to wait for the morning train anyway. Wouldn't make a difference if we got a cheap hotel room or something tonight, would it?"

"Oh . . . no, I don't think it would," he shuffled through some papers in his lap, peering at the train schedule. "Actually, in that case we may want to take the next stop, rather than going to the end of the line. There's a motel near the station that could be perfect. It's cash only, and the only security camera is over the safe."

"Did you See that?"

"Not deliberately. There's just, ah . . . " he winced, "been a lot of really gruesome murders there."

"Ah. Right." Martin raised an eyebrow. "Are we going to get gruesomely murdered if we stay there?"

"Well it's not a service they provide."

"But we do have murderers after us."

"True . . . and I don't think this place would be much protection if they caught up. But the same could be said about a bench outside the train station," Jon shrugged. "And I don't believe it's supernatural, just a bit shady. Which is probably what we want at the moment."

Martin nodded. Then, with a smirk, asked "does it have a pool?"

"Yes. And so many people have drowned in it."

". . . Hmm."

Jon's deadpan look broke into a smile. "I've no idea if there's a pool. Probably not."

"Pfff," Martin reached an arm out over his shoulders, and Jon leaned into the embrace, smiling. "The Beholding didn't think to list amenities, then? Not even an evil laundry service or, like, a continental breakfast that eats you?"

"Thankfully not."

"Good enough for me, then."

He felt Jon chuckle against him and leaned back, yawning loudly, thinking about how nice it would be to lie down in a bed. Jon shifted a little and sighed, looking at him with a smile.

"I love you," he said. Soft and warm, as if he'd said it a thousand times before. As if it was natural and obvious and easy.

Martin must have gone noticeably tense, or maybe his expression changed, because Jon's eyes widened and he looked down, fidgeting. Worried he'd made a mistake.

"Is that, ah . . . okay with you?" he added weakly.

Almost dizzy with it all, Martin let out a breath that turned into an unsteady laugh. He felt tears pricking at his eyes, and he squeezed Jon tighter.

"Y-yeah," he whispered, "yeah Jon. S'good."

[moregaythanyourealized]

The Mayor

Part 3

“We start this evenings broadcast with shocking news from town hall. This morning at roughly 8:30 our dear Mayor was killed by none other than Doc Ock. Luckily for us though he is behind bars thanks to the efforts of Y/n L/n, who is now being sworn into office.” The camera showed the procedure and Y/n in a new outfit. A blue dress that fir her quite well. Otto couldn’t stand it. He had only been in prison for a few hours and he already hated his life more than before. He was drugged up and his machine felt much heavier than it used to, he had next to no control of his body. His only way to see the world was through a small grainy TV that was posted in the corner of his cell.

His cell was incomprehensibly unfitting for a man such as himself. An old bed that left a crick in his neck. A toilet which he thankfully hadn’t needed to use yet. And a small table in the corner with the even smaller TV. The walls of his cell were unbreakable. Some material he didn’t know the name of surrounded the outside of it. He could chip at the concrete but the outside wouldn’t budge. Somehow he was sure you had funded the building of this cell. Just to spite him. The TV showed you suddenly and his attention was drawn back,

“It was terrifying to be in the clutches of such a lunatic. I did what anyone would do, if only I could’ve done more to save our dear Mr Thomas. May he rest in peace.” What a load of shit, he thought. You had fooled the people just like you had fooled him,

“What will happen to Doc Ock?” Y/n brushed her hair out of her face and looked directly into the camera,

“After I visit him tomorrow, he’ll be getting what he deserves. I demand justice for the death of Mayor Thomas.” People clapped in the background and Otto shut off the TV trying to get some sleep. He dreamed of you and this morning. He dreamed of how he wished it went.

The rain pouring down over the both of you as he held you close. You’d look up at him and pull him in close kissing him softly and thanking him for saving the city. For saving you. His hands would wrap around your waist and he’d carry you back to your apartment and you two would dry off and have a romantic dinner together. Sharing your plans for the future of New York....

He awoke with a start. Some guard yelling at him to get up. Groaning he lifted himself from the bed and walked sluggishly towards the door. A series of clicks and other strange noises come from the other side of the wall before the door swung open. Being handcuffed yet again he was led to a glass enclosure. This is miserable, he thought. They’re treating me like an animal. He was sealed inside the glass and felt cool air conditioning by his feet. A large vent blowing freezing air and making the space breathable. It woke him up a bit. The effects of whatever they injected slowly wearing off. One of his claws knocked on the glass, no damage. He couldn’t just break out either, there were guards all over the entire prison. When the door opened again he scowled. You looked tiny compared to the metal door and waltzed in as if you were an old friend. You wore a long pale pink coat and black gloves finished off with a black ascot. You looked unbearably cute but knew what you really were,

“What do you want L/n?”

“I listen to the people, and they demanded I see you to know you’re reasoning for killing a public figure.” Slamming his fist against the glass he stared you down,

“I did it because you told me to, you crazy bitch.” You nodded in agreement pulling off your gloves gingerly and setting them in your pocket,

“And I did it because you made it easy, if you had been smarter I might’ve avoided you and picked someone else to help me.” His appendages moved like protective snakes behind him.

“Did you come here just to mock me?” You got closer to the glass tilting your head to see his expression he looked distant. It made you a little sad,

“I don’t want you to rot here in prison. Because despite all that I’ve said...” You cleared your throat,

“The greatest thrill and joy I’ve had so far was the short time I worked alongside you.” He met your eyes and did nothing for awhile. Then he just sighed and turned away from you,

“I can’t deal with this right now.” You frowned and stepped back,

“Fine. I understand you don’t exactly like or trust me. But if there’s anything I can do...just let me know.” God! You really were confusing. One minutes you’re kissing, then you have him thrown in jail and now you’re asking about doing him favors? What are you trying to do to this poor mans head?

“Tell the guards to give me some time before they take me back to my cell.”

—————POV CHANGE—————

He hears the door close and looks around before using one of his metal arms to pry the top off the air vent. He wasn’t going to fit through it but he could tear up the floor around it to make him fit. And that’s exactly what he did. While you told the guards to give him time and to treat him better than other prisoners the doctor was wondering through the giant vents. His brain felt sharp and alert again. So did his tentacles, a flicker of red warned him to stop but he wouldn’t, not when he’s gotten this far. Finally he found a vent to a control room. He burst through the ceiling and killed both the guards. He sat at the computer and began typing. Y/n was going to regret this. With a few clicks and the push of a button all cell doors, outside doors, and gates were unlocked. He’ll had been released and so had New York’s greatest super villains. The city would be chaos and with the record for shortest office time ever, Y/n would be kicked out and replaced. Maybe the new shmuck in charge would know how to handle the city. Leaving the room he flew down the halls. His tentacles taking him to the personal belongings room. Searching the drawers he found what he was looking for. Grabbing his jacket and glasses he exited the building (cue epic music). Walking over crowds of anyone from petty thefts to fellow evil doers he stepped into the freshly fallen snow. It was around noon, by nightfall this place would be a wreck. He saw your car leave the parking lot. His tentacles took over, the flashing red now bright and constant. One grabbed the car while another ripped the door off. He heard your screaming from inside and did nothing to hide the joy spreading across his face. Your face paled when you saw who had wrecked your car and you pushed yourself as far away as you could. He got closer to the car and looked in the gaping hole on the side. You were shaking against the door on the opposite side. A limb reached in and wrapped around her neck. She closed her eyes expecting the worst. But the machine only untied her ascot from her neck and tied it around her mouth. She tried to scream again but it was muffled by the gag. Then ripping leather from the interior of the car it was tied tightly around her wrists and ankles. Pulling her into the cold air she shook her head,

“I think it’s time Brooklyn sees the type of leader you really are. Let’s have some fun.” His voice was different now. Dark and clever. The wreckage of downtown broke your heart. Historical buildings destroyed or burned down. Hundreds of not thousands of criminals on the streets. Between the speed you were going at and the ice in your eyes they all looked like blurs. The wind stopped whipping at your face, you couldn’t see what was behind you but you could tell where you were. The bank, of course. It was hard to process everything. Eventually you stopped trying and just laid across his shoulder. Setting you down he demanded the bank teller open all the safes,

“If you don’t, I’ll break every bone in her body. One by one. When I’m done she’ll be so deformed her own mother won’t recognize her.” The teller scrambled with the keys and began unlocking everything. He laughed and began bagging what looked the most valuable,

“I hope you know this is very much your fault.” He smiled at you. The sinking in your stomach only went deeper. When he finished he picked you up once more like a rag doll and exited the building. Crushing the ceiling on the way out,

“Where shall we go? The city is ours.” He said nothing but got a devious glint in his eyes before taking you back through downtown. He stopped in front of your apartment. How did he know where you lived? When you entered the building it was like a ghost town. No employees or lobby boys. Only the distant sounds of chaos and the ding of the elevator as you ride it up to the top floor. Thankfully he didn’t know which exact apartment belonged to you. He set you down and you pointed to a door near the end of the hall. He didn’t bother to pick you back up or untie your feet so you could walk. He just dragged you behind him along the carpet while he talked about the design of the building. He stopped in front of your door. His human hands found their way to your waist. You tried to wiggle away from him but he reached down. You sighed when you realized he was only getting the keycard from your pocket.

You apartment was cold. He set you on the couch and began trying to light a fire in your fireplace,

“You have a lovely place, sure know how to use the tax payers money huh?” He let his jacket fall to the floor, revealing his bare chest. He must’ve been cold outside without a shirt on. He was out of sight and into your kitchen. He came back with a bottle of wine and a large glass. He left your hands tied but undid the restraints around your ankles and mouth. Taking a deep breath in you went to yell at him. Before you could you were pulled into his lap. Switching the TV on he shushed you and ran a hand down your back making you shiver,

“Is it the end times? Citizens of New York are wondering what is happening? Mere hours after Mayor L/n is elected the city falls into destruction. On her trip to visit Doc Ock it’s believed he escaped and freed the other prisoners. Riots, fires, building destroyed and collapsed in what’s possibly New York’s worst day yet.” The camera switched to different people getting interviewed,

“It’s terrible! I’m afraid to leave my home!”

“I knew we shouldn’t have elected a woman.”

“I heard she was working with the Doctor the entire time!” Tears burned at the corners of your eyes. You couldn’t reach the remote, and if you tried to get up he’d just pull you right back down. Guilt was the main emotion, but you felt some resentment as well. These people knew nothing! You were tricked... kinda, not really. But you never intended for this mess to happen. Karma had finally caught up with you. The people on the news kept taking and talking. You couldn’t take it anymore,

“Turn it off! Please!” Otto shrugged and changed the channel to a hockey game,

“Is all the pressure getting to you, Mayor?” His hand was resting on your thigh while the other held his wine glass. You wanted desperately to shower and go to bed. To wake up in a different dimension where nothing ever happened. The room became unbearably hot. You weren’t sure wether it was the fireplace or the guilt (or maybe something else),

“Could you untie my hands please? I’d like to get out of my coat.” You got off his lap and stuck your hands out for him to untie,

“Last time I trusted you, you and me thrown in jail. I’m not making that mistake again.”

“I’m not asking you to trust me, I’m asking you to untie my hands.” He stood up and began slowly uniting them. He watched you intensely as you took your coat off. Turning away from his gaze you walked into your bathroom and looked at yourself in the mirror. You were a strong powerful leader who was going to get out of this mess....somehow.

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

Can you talk about autistic Hawk/Eil

Sure, I’d love to!!!

Credit where credit is due, of course--I got a lot of my Autistic Eli headcanons from @jackonthelongwalk, who’s got a little more authority to speak on the subject since he’s actually autistic and whatnot. I mainly just saw his takes and was like “THOSE ARE GOOD TAKES” and adopted all of them XD Although I DID come up with a few of my own headcanons!!! I’ll just compile everything here.

~Eli tends to be pretty particular about physical touch, and a lot of the time he doesn’t really like it. Over the years, Demetri’s found that one type of touch that Eli’s okay with is shoulder-squeezing, and it kinda becomes their thing. Typically Demetri giving Eli a quick shoulder squeeze helps comfort him and makes him feel safe by basically reassuring him “I’m here for you, I’ve got your back.” You can see Demetri give Eli a shoulder squeeze in 2x09 when he’s comforting him about Moon, and he does the EXACT same one in the school fight in 2x10 just before kicking him into the trophy case. I think it was his way of saying “even though we’re fighting right now, I still care about you” and that kinda helped snap Hawk out of his near-psychopathic rage. In Season 3, he’s still shitty to Demetri, obviously, but it’s more controlled, not as unhinged or feral--even when Hawk breaks his arm, he hesitates a LOT before and regrets it IMMEDIATELY after in a way I’m not sure his UNCHECKED RAEEEGE self would have during the school fight.

~Over the years Demetri develops kind of a sixth sense of when Eli is about to have a meltdown. He’s able to pick up on super minute changes in body language, changes in the way Eli speaks, small alterations in Eli’s general temperament--basically anything that indicates he’s getting overwhelmed. That’s actually how he discovers the shoulder squeeze tactic--Demetri realizes he needs a quick way to comfort and reassure Eli when he can’t go in for a full hug (like they’re in the middle of class or something) so he can calm Eli down a bit and stop him from having a meltdown. Mainly because Demetri knows the bullies will have a field day if Eli cries in front of the other kids, so the shoulder squeeze develops as sort of a way to protect Eli from this.

~At some point after Demetri first started using the shoulder touch/squeeze on Eli, Eli started also using it on Demetri to quickly communicate affection/appreciation. Demetri isn’t nearly as touch-averse or picky with physical touch as Eli, and would’ve been okay with a number of physical touches, but he’s honestly super touched that Eli saw him doing a thing and was like “Oh hey!!! Demetri does this thing to me and it makes me feel safe and loved, so I’m sure it’ll do the same if I do it to him!!!” It kinda becomes their special touch, and becomes somewhat of a silent “I love you” (although obviously these two clueless idiots are led to believe it’s ONLY platonic love for many, many years XD). You can see Eli give a little shoulder pat/squeeze to Demetri at the beach party in 1x09!!

~Eli really does not like being touched around or under the chin, mainly because this is how bullies like Kyler touch him and it’s triggering for him. Demetri basically never touches him here. Even after they get together and start getting intimate, Demetri tends to touch/stroke Eli’s cheeks or the side of his head if he wants to touch his face, but he avoids touching Eli’s chin like the plague because he knows how much Eli dislikes it. This is something Eli really deeply appreciates--even Moon wasn’t able to catch on to the fact that he didn’t like having his chin touched, and he was too obsessed with coming across as “tough” to her to admit that it bothered him. Moon didn’t mean any harm at all, of course, she just wasn’t able to pick up on his more subtle indications that he wasn’t a huge fan of chin touches. Demetri has come to pick these indications up by second nature.

~The whole thing Demetri does at the beginning of the show where he kinda talks “for” Eli (the thing that, ironically, people loooooove to blast him about for being a “terrible friend”) I think is largely done because Eli is autistic. Eli seems to have a lot of social anxiety right from the get-go--he doesn’t even verbally greet Miguel when he first sits with him and Demetri and Demetri introduces Eli. Eli just kinda awkwardly smiles and nods at him. He’s obviously not great with social cues either, which we see later on--he’s so PAINFULLY oblivious to the fact that Piper is super not at all into it when he tries to hit on her in Season 2. I imagine after a number of social blunders in their youth, and seeing just how uncomfortable and anxious social situations made Eli, Demetri took the reigns and did a lot of communicating FOR Eli to take some of the pressure off of him to talk. I’d argue that once Demetri is taken out of the picture, we can see in full force JUST how socially anxious and uncomfortable Eli really is--he seems damn near terrified trying to stand up for himself against Johnny when Demetri’s not there. He’s lowkey stuttering and tripping over his words, his voice is shaking. He nearly leaves the room in tears. He’s used to letting Demetri be his voice, and this seems to be what makes him feel safest and most secure. When this is taken away, he has to find a new way to protect himself--hence, possibly, the entire Hawk persona.

~Eli has a lot of issues with emotional regulation and often feels emotions really, really strongly and gets overwhelmed by them--as an ADHDer, this is a struggle I understand SO MUCH. When Eli gets really overwhelmed with strong emotion, he tends to have meltdowns. These can be either sadness-based meltdowns (like we see in the flashback) or angry meltdowns (like we see when he beats Brucks up). Due to his emotional regulation issues, Eli has a really hard time hiding his emotions or stopping a meltdown once it kinda onsets--this is why he tends to “bawl” at movies. Once he starts crying, he can’t really stop, or reign it in--it just keeps coming. He also can’t really hold it back--his emotions tend to force their way out, whether he wants them to or not. This is also why he goes so HARD when he’s angry--wailing on Brucks, throwing punch after punch at Demetri at the school fight, getting carried away and attacking Robby’s injured shoulder at the tournament. His anger (and other emotions) tends to just kinda explode out, and he has a really hard time reigning them back in and keeping them in check. Demetri, ever the voice of ration and reason, can help with this--and probably has a lot, historically. With Demetri less and less in the picture and their relationship on the rocks, Eli’s emotions just seem to get even more wild and uncontrolled, particularly his anger. Part of the reason I think Demetri and Eli work so well together--Eli tends to get very caught up in his emotions (no shame in that--I’ll admit I do too!), and needs someone to help him keep his feet on the ground and be the pragmatist who helps him keep things in perspective.

~Karate is most definitely a special interest for him. It lowkey takes over his life and he makes it damn near his entire identity--big special interest energy. And Demetri (at first, at least) is lowkey so supportive!!! Like he goes to the all-valley tournament to support and cheer Eli on, despite not having any personal interest in fighting and seeming to think the whole thing is the kind of dumb macho shit that goes against everything his nerd identity stands for XD But he goes to the tournament anyways to clap for his boyfriend best friend’s badassery!!! The real MVP!!! Also special interests in general (not unlike ADHD hyperfixations) tend to be very random, hence why seemingly out of nowhere Eli gets absolutely OBSESSED with karate.

~Just a random little headcanon I have (I think I mentioned it on one of my general headcanon posts), but I like to think after Eli adopts the whole “Hawk” persona, he gets a special interest in birds of prey in general for a little while. Like back before he’s too “tough” for anything even remotely related to “nerd shit,” he watches nature documentaries on raptors and the whole 9 yards and constantly rambles excitedly to Demetri about how badass he thinks they are, and how cool it is that they can “literally hunt mice from the sky and shit” (probably an exact quote from him). Demetri finds this sudden new obsession both amusing and kind of endearing--but as always, he shows an interest in it and accommodates it as best he can. I imagine he’s seen Eli go through a number of special interests over the years, and is a pro by now on how to handle them (my own childhood best friend is a fellow ADHDer, and he was CONSTANTLY getting new hyperfixations--I imagine it was something like that XD).

~The whole “Hawk” persona in general seems pretty autistic, speaking of that--like it’s almost entirely based in mimicry and masking. Like Hawk pretty frequently mimics Johnny’s expressions, body language, and speech patterns, and (at least at first) Miguel’s fighting style. He also starts to mimic a lot of Kreese’s problematic views and general “never accept defeat” attitude in late Season 2 and Season 3, setting his good old Bastardization Arc in full swing. The whole Hawk thing could easily be masking, especially given how exaggerated and overdramatic Eli’s facial expressions, voice, and actions tend to be when he’s trying to be Hawk. When he slips back into “Eli” (or how he was before he adopted the mask), it’s usually around Demetri (i.e. the Doctor Who conversation)--which makes sense, since Demetri “gets” Eli better than most people and Eli doesn’t have to mask or overexaggerate his expressions or statements to communicate effectively with Demetri. They’ve known each other so long and Demetri is so familiar with his body language and mannerisms that Demetri is able to pick up fairly easily on what Eli’s trying to communicate/express without Eli having to work too hard at getting his point across. It’s why Eli’s expressions and body language aren’t nearly as exaggerated around Demetri, even when he’s trying to intimidate him--he knows he doesn’t have to overstate what he’s doing to communicate with Demetri.

~Relating back to the social troubles and social anxiety thing, I think Eli has always had trouble communicating verbally, hence why he’s so quiet at first. And even when he does get more talkative, a lot of it is mimicking other people’s speech patterns and ideas (namely Johnny’s at first)--it doesn’t really feel like him talking. Even alone with Demetri, he tends to prefer to let Demetri do the talking, hence Demetri saying Eli’s a “man of few words.” He often prefers to communicate nonverbally through body language, and when he DOES communicate verbally, he does it somewhat sparingly and chooses his words carefully, not usually bothering to say things he doesn’t mean (if he isn’t masking, anyways). THIS is why Demetri was so ready to accept such a short, concise “I’m sorry for all of it” from Eli instead of a long, drawn-out apology for each individual thing he did wrong. Eli knows he doesn’t have to bother masking to communicate with Demetri, so he’s not going to bother saying something that isn’t genuine. Eli has never been the greatest at articulating his thoughts verbally either, so TRYING to apologize for each individual thing he did to Demetri would be extremely hard for him, and Demetri knows this. This is why he accepts Eli’s apology without question and doesn’t expect him to elaborate on it. He knows Eli’s communicating a lot more than he’s actually saying aloud, if that makes any sense, and he cares more about the entirety of what Eli’s trying to say rather than just the spoken part. And Eli definitely communicates he’s genuinely remorseful through his actions as well--saving Demetri from the Cobras, teaming up with Demetri afterwards to help Deme’s side win the fight, straight up openly  BETRAYING Kreese and Cobra Kai AT GREAT PERSONAL RISK TO HIMSELF (especially if Tory’s threat is anything to go by!!!) in order to go back to Demetri. Honestly, given everything he knows about Eli and how he operates, expresses himself, and communicates, I highly doubt Demetri expects at all for Eli to go on a long, detailed rant about how sorry he is and is honestly just grateful to have Eli back in his life.

~I think at the beginning of the show, Demetri puts a lot of work into helping Eli feel as safe and secure as possible--possibly in part because Eli’s autism makes him feel kinda isolated as a “freak” or “outcast” or what have you. Demetri makes an effort to crack jokes and make Eli laugh when no one else will, possibly to help Eli feel more relaxed and at ease. And Demetri’s reluctance to try out karate could be a kind of misguided overprotectiveness on his part--he’s spent a lot of time building up their own little world for them where he can keep Eli relatively comfortable, and he’s worried anything that interferes with that or shakes up the status quo is going to stress out or overwhelm Eli too much. Demetri wants to keep things as they are, because even if it’s not perfect, and they still get bullied on the regular, at least he KNOWS how best to help Eli and help him feel better (or at least he thinks he does) in their current situation (i.e. “I think we’d rather spend our afternoons playing Crucible Control than getting hit in the face”). If they were put into a drastically different new situation, he WOULDN’T know how he should best assist and support Eli with it, and that scares him a lot--because he’s ALWAYS kind of intuitively known how to help Eli, and the thought of anything changing that makes him terrified that without him, Eli is going to get really hurt somehow.

I think that just about covers everything--might add more stuff if I think of it! Definitely go check out @jackonthelongwalk’s blog for more quality, in-depth autistic Eli content!!!

[blueskrugs]

Some People Do | Nathan MacKinnon

title from an Old Dominion song of the same name. highly recommend a listen while reading.

the only other words I have are that I cried while writing this.  

length: 6.2k words

I know that time just keeps going on And words by themselves can't right all the wrongs

No one ever claimed that dating an NHL player was easy. In fact, it was hard as hell. Dating the face of a franchise, the savior of a franchise, was hard as hell. It wasn’t that you didn’t love Nate. You loved him more than anyone else, more than you sometimes thought was possible. But sometimes you wondered if your relationship was doomed from the start, if carrying the weight of the expectations of Denver on Nate’s shoulders was too much for both of you to handle. 

Nate had proclaimed himself unromantic before, but you didn’t really need flowers and extravagant gifts. With Nate, it was always the little things. He would cook you breakfast in the mornings before you left for work and he for practice. He would sneak into your apartment when you had a long day at work and clean up. (Never laundry though. He always said he was too scared of fucking that up.) It was letting you cuddle on the couch, no questions asked, no words spoken, on days you really needed it; he always seemed to know about those days even before you did. You knew the other boys teased Nate sometimes, everything from ribbing him about being whipped to roasting him for his somewhat abysmal gift-giving skills. Nate would just blush and give them that shy little smile you loved so much. 

That’s the way things were for a long time. You were both happy, comfortable. You wondered sometimes, on the hardest nights, if you had gotten too comfortable. If you had forgotten just where you were, who you were with, and how lucky you were that Nate had ever given you the time of day in the first place. 

You missed the drama of the Avalanche’s historically bad, never-before-seen debacle of a year that had been the 2016-2017 season and came into Nate’s life when they were back on their feet, making a name for themselves in the standings again. You still saw the damage it had done to him, though, in the way he blamed himself for losses, took them a little harder than anyone else– except maybe Gabe– in the way he dialed up his intensity even stronger than ever until he was satisfied. Except he was never satisfied, probably would never be, bar winning a Cup or three. 

The Avs dug themselves out a hole. And then they hit a wall again.

It was the same old shit that always seemed to dog the team, injury after injury, games that just never seemed to go their way, no matter how hard they fought. 

October started out fine. They won more than they lost, and it looked like they could have a chance at being something this year. The end of October came with a string of losses. Mikko went down with a lower-body injury on Halloween. 

November continued a downward spiral. Nate stopped scoring, Burky broke his wrist, and they only won a handful of games the entire month. Nate started coming home late from the arena, sweaty and exhausted; you knew he was running himself ragged, literally, on the treadmill and on drills. His blue eyes were hard as stone, and the set of his jaw grew more tense with each loss the team strung together. 

Road trips were the hardest. From the start of your relationship, you and Nate made a point to FaceTime during roadies. You looked forward to those calls all day, because no matter how terrible the game had been, Nate would see you and smile. You would always do anything for him to smile. The calls continued that terrible season, and for a while, it seemed like nothing had changed. Nate’s eyes were more tired than usual, his brow permanently furrowed, but you would answer the phone, and that would all disappear for a moment when he grinned at you.

You had just gotten out of the shower when your phone started ringing with a FaceTime call. You were surprised to see that it was Nate. You hadn’t been officially dating for very long at all, and he had only left for the road trip that morning. 

“What the hell is on your head?” was the first thing out of Nate’s mouth when you answered the call. Somewhere off camera, you could hear Tyson Barrie cackling. 

Your hand flew up to your hair, which was wrapped in a towel. “It’s a towel, dumbass. And I just got out of the shower, I’m not wearing makeup or anything,” you whined. 

Nate rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to respond when Tyson leaned into frame. “Hi, Y/N!” he yelled. Nate flinched.

There was a moment of darkness and what sounded like the two wrestling on the bed for a moment, before a whispered, “Get out of here!” and a door closing. “I’m sorry about him,” Nate said, picking his phone back up. 

You just laughed. You had only met Tyson one time so far, and he seemed like fun, if not a little crazy. “Let me just-” You reached up to tug the towel off your head. 

“No, don’t! I mean, I think it’s cute,” Nate said. You froze, staring at his blurry face on your phone screen. You were pretty sure he was blushing in the shitty hotel light. “I just- I missed you, and I don’t care what you look like. I mean-wait, I don’t want you to think you need to have makeup or shit on for me to think you’re beautiful.” Yeah, he was definitely blushing now. He was also smiling a little bit, cautiously, as if he was afraid of your response.

You smiled back, settling in against the pillows on your bed, and saying, “Nate, I literally saw you this morning.” He shrugged.

“Wanted to see your face again,” he mumbled. Then, “Can I call you tomorrow after our game, too?”

He did call you the next night, and the night after that, and then roadtrip FaceTime calls became a routine.

As the season went on, you waited by the phone every night Nate was out of town, but slowly the calls became few and far between, until they stopped entirely. 

Most wouldn't forgive what I put you through But I'm here tonight, hoping some people do

Nate started watching game film obsessively, coming home and sitting up for hours. He would watch his own clips, his teammates’ clips, clips from every other team, watching for any mistake or flaw, some way to fix this. He’d always been so serious about schedules and routines, but he started coming to bed later and later. You always tried to get Nate to come to bed with you, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and murmuring a, “Babe, c’mon, it’s getting late,” but he’d shrug you off and say back, “Just a few more minutes.”

You resigned yourself to going to bed alone. Cox started laying in Nate’s spot on the bed. 

The Penguins came to town. The slump continued, for the team and for Nate. Nate got benched. It was December, and all the Crosbys and MacKinnons had come to town, too, planning to celebrate Christmas a little early while everyone could be together. 

Bednar had told Nate he wouldn’t be playing against the Pens following a morning skate. Cale told you he had broken his stick against a wall afterwards. His temper followed him home, came back with a vengeance, and you would never forget the sadness on Taylor’s face and the anger on Sarah’s when he snapped at Taylor over something stupid and let the door slam behind him for good measure. He didn’t talk to any of you for the rest of the night, and he drove to the arena alone.

The Avs won in a game that was nothing short of a Christmas miracle. Nate came home in a slightly better mood, apologized to Taylor, and started channeling his anger into his time on the ice instead. It might have had something to do with the fact that you were sure he hadn’t missed the way you flinched when he had yelled. 

The end of December saw a win streak for the Avs and a scoring streak for Nate. 

“I thought about asking for a trade,” Nate said casually one January night. It was the All-Star break, and Nate had found a cabin on a lake in California to rent for bye week. He didn’t look up at you as he said it, gazing instead up at the stars, and your heart broke.

Nate’s arm was draped around your shoulder, and it had been a comforting weight, but suddenly it felt like it would crush you. You hadn’t been in Denver for the drama of the last teammate that had requested a trade midseason, but you knew the tale, knew the bitterness that was still in that locker room. You knew how it could destroy a team. And you’d had no idea Nate was even considering it.

He kept talking. “Thought about trying to go somewhere where people didn’t care about hockey, somewhere where it didn’t matter if I had been a fluke.” His voice broke. “I just want out sometimes. Get away from all the fucking expectations, the hope that I’ll bring the Cup back to Denver, that I can be the next Sidney Crosby, just the next best thing out of Cole Harbour.” It was the first time you had ever heard Nate say Sid’s name like that, with venom and bitterness.

You were speechless, couldn’t find the words to respond to Nate. You weren’t even sure he wanted you to respond, to argue with him. So you just shrugged off his arm from your shoulders and pulled him into your chest, resting your chin on his head as you watched the stars together.

The trade deadline passed. Nate still wore an A for the Colorado Avalanche, and no one would ever know any differently. 

I know you're hurt, I know it's my fault But I've kept "I'm sorry" locked in a vault

You called Sid late one night in March. He answered quickly, because he always did when you or Nate called, even though it was after midnight in Pittsburgh.

“Sid, I don’t know what to do anymore,” you had cried, with Cox curled up next to you on the couch in the dark. Nate was asleep upstairs, gone to bed early for the first time in a long time. Cox heard your tears and shoved his face into your hand, asking for attention, letting you use him as comfort. You petted him absently as you told Sid everything. And Sid listened, even as you told him stories of the season he already knew, told to him by Nate in similar late night phone conversations, even as it ticked past 1 in the morning in Denver. Sid waited until you finished talking before responding, spewing sympathy and advice that you only half listened to, still caught up in your thoughts. 

In the best days of your relationship and in your worst, you didn’t know what you would do without Sid.

You thought back to the first summer you visited Nate in Cole Harbour. You hadn’t gone the first summer after you’d started dating, as you’d only been together a couple of months, although Nate had begged you pretty much the entire summer. The next summer, though, there was absolutely no getting out of visiting. 

You had never been to Canada before, and you had grown up spending your summers on a lake, but you were convinced nothing would ever compare to Nova Scotia. Nate had laughed at you when you ran out onto his deck, a wide smile on your face. You spun around to look up at him.

“I love it here,” you said. Nate laughed again.

“You’ve barely even been here. You haven’t seen the good stuff yet.”

“I have a house, water, and you, what else is there to see?” Nate chuckled fondly at you. 

You spent the day out on the water with Nate, Sid and the dogs. It was peaceful out there in the sun, the silence only occasionally broken by Sid’s ridiculous laugh or one of the dog’s barks. You were dozing in the sun when Nate came over to you.

“Come swimming with me for a bit.” You raised an eyebrow at him.

“I’m tanning, Nathan.” Sid laughed. Next thing you knew, you were being picked up and thrown over Nate’s shoulder. Sid laughed louder. Sometimes you really hated him and that fucking laugh. “Nate!” you shrieked. “Put me down!”

Nate simply said, “Okay,” before he was throwing you in the lake. You came up spluttering. Nate and Sid were both doubled over in laughter, and dogs were caught up in the excitement and barking. 

“Help me out,” you whined, reaching a hand out of the water. Nate took pity on you and grabbed your hand.

You pulled him headfirst down into the water. 

Sid came up to you on the dock on your last night in Cole Harbour. Nate was up at the house, getting you a blanket and more wine, and you were watching the stars.

“You’re really good for him, you know,” Sid said without preamble, settling next to you on the dock. You waited for him to continue. “I’ve known him for years, and I’ve never seen him as happy as he has been this week with you here.” You blushed. “And you should hear the way he talks about you on the phone, God, I didn’t know it was possible for anyone to get him out of his head and stop focusing on hockey, I don’t know how you do it.” He paused, gazing up at the clear sky.When he spoke again, his voice was soft. “Nate takes everything so seriously. He’s gotten pretty fucked up over bad relationships in the past. I was a little worried when I saw how fast he was falling for you, when he’d call or text me like a middle-school girl with a crush. But I don’t have to worry, because you two are so good together, like you’ve known each other forever, and will be together forever.” 

Nate chose that moment to reappear. “Talkin’ about me?” he asked, pushing Sid out of the way so he could sit next to you. 

“Only good things,” Sid smiled.

Nate draped his arm across your shoulders and the blanket over your legs. You leaned your head on his shoulder.

“I love you,” Nate whispered into your hair, brushing a kiss to the top of your head. 

Nate came downstairs not long after you hung up with Sid. He found you crying on the couch, trying to muffle your sobs into the sleeves of one of his Avalanche hoodies. He made a soft, wounded sound, and you startled. You didn’t have a chance to apologize– for waking Nate, for breaking down– before he was climbing onto the couch next to you. He pulled you into his lap wordlessly, kissing away your tears, holding you as you shook. 

He whispered sweet things to you as you calmed down, I’m sorrys and I love yous breaking the silence of the night. Cox whined, crawling his way into your lap as well. Nate’s heartbeat was steady beneath your ear, his breathing even, and you found yourself soothed by it. The two– well, three, if you counted the German Shepherd who was decidedly not a lap dog– fell asleep on the couch like that. When you woke up again, sunlight was streaming into the living room, and you were still safely wrapped up in Nate’s arms.

He looked younger, softer, in his sleep, the burden of being Nathan MacKinnon momentarily forgotten. You couldn’t help but stare, a soft smile on your face. Nate shifted under you a couple of minutes later, eyes blinking sleepily open. He grinned when he found you inches from his face, already watching him. 

“Good morning,” he whispered, stretching up to kiss you gently. “D’you want breakfast?”

You buried your face in Nate’s neck. “In a minute,” you mumbled. “Comfy.” Nate laughed, loud, and you felt it in every inch of your body that was touching his.

As you sat sipping your coffee in the kitchen later, watching Nate cook you breakfast, like he had for so long, you could almost convince yourself that everything was fine, that the stress fractures of your relationship weren’t on the verge of breaking completely. 

Some people say sorry to hear it's okay But I know it's not so you don't have to say That you understand 'cause I know you don't

In the living room where you had left your phone after last night’s phone call, you got a text. Then another. And another. Nate’s phone started ringing; his face went white, and he dropped the spatula he was using.

Confused, and starting to get worried, you set your coffee down and rushed to pick up your phone. The first thing you saw was a text from Mel, simply saying, “i’m so sorry.” Nate was still on the phone in the kitchen, speaking in an anxious hushed tone to whoever was on the other end. You ignored the handful of other texts you had received in favor of looking at your Instagram and Twitter notifications which were blowing up. You clicked on one with a shaky hand.

Your heart dropped. Your phone fell to the floor with a clatter. 

In the kitchen, Nate’s voice rose, but you couldn’t hear any of the words he was saying over the pounding of your heart in your ears. 

You sank to the floor and picked up your phone again. You had been tagged in a series of pictures, all of Nate. There was Nate with a girl in a bar, with a girl in his lap, his arm wrapped around her waist, his lips on hers. There was more than one post, too, all dated, starting all the way back in November. All nights when Nate and the Avs were on road trips. Different cities, too, but always the same girl.

Blonder than you. Prettier than you. Better than you, apparently.

There were dozens of pictures. Some were dark and kind of blurry, but all were unmistakably Nate. 

You scrolled through all of the pictures again. Cox whined next to you. Nate still hadn’t left the kitchen, but you knew he had been tagged in all of the posts too. Texts and notifications were still rolling into your phone, from friends and family and strangers. You turned your phone off.

Then Nate was crouching in front of you, brushing your tears away. You hadn’t even realized you had been crying. You scrambled away from Nate’s touch like it burned you; his hand stayed outstretched in the air.

Just ten minutes ago, you had been beginning to think that things could get better again, that you could fix the damage in Nate, in your relationship. Now, everything you had known for the last two and a half years lay shattered at your feet, spread out for the whole world to see.

“You weren’t supposed to find out like this,” Nate murmured.

A hysterical laugh forced its way out of your throat. Your hands were still shaking, but your anxiousness had just been replaced with anger. “I wasn’t supposed to find out like this, or I wasn’t supposed to find out at all?”

Nate flinched a little, and you felt a brief flash of vindication. “I didn’t mean-”

“You didn’t mean what, Nathan? Didn’t mean for me to find out, for the whole world to find out? Or you didn’t mean to say it like that? Like you were just waiting for the right time to tell me, but it never worked out?” Nate had stood up again, but he wasn’t looking at you. “God, I was sitting around like a fool all season, waiting for you to call me, but of course you never did, because you had found someone better than me. Did she get to go to games, too, when you were flying her all across the country?”

Nate was flushed with anger now too. “You don’t understand-”

You cut him off. “No, Nate, I don’t fucking understand. I thought, I don’t know, maybe the past two years actually meant something. So tell me, make me understand, because you lost me a long time ago.”

“Just shut up!” You took a step back from Nate, though he hadn’t moved. You weren’t sure Nate had ever raised his voice at you. “We were in Ottawa in the beginning of November, and we all went out to a bar because we finally got a fucking win. She started flirting, and she had no idea who we were, and it was so nice to meet someone and not have the expectation of being Nathan fucking MacKinnon. I never had to listen to her lie to me about how well I played or some shit about how the team would figure it out, that we could get better.”

“Did all the boys know?” you whispered. “Have you all just been laughing at me behind my back all season, while I’ve been blindly in love with a boy who’s been flying another girl to all of his road games?”

Nate paled and took a half-step in your direction. You backed up again, until your knees hit the couch. “No, they- they knew I was taking the season hard, I guess, so they gave me space. Gabe might’ve been getting suspicious, but I- they would never do that to you.”

“Excuse me for not believing that. I believed you would never cheat on me, either, but here we are.” You turned to leave the room. 

“If you’d just-” Nate was angry again. You spun around, your heartbreak fanning the flames of your own anger.

“If I’d just what, Nate? Stopped caring about you and hockey? Stopped supporting you? Stopped caring about us?” Your voice broke, and you blinked back the tears burning behind your eyes. You had started out yelling again, but now your voice was quiet. “I’m sorry I tried, Nathan. I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough for you.”

You turned again, started making your way towards the stairs. 

“Wait, Y/N, please.” Nate’s voice came out desperate, like he was choking back tears. You couldn’t possibly understand why; he had done this to himself. “I never actually slept with her.”

“Good for you, Nate.” You let out a humorless laugh. “I hope the PR team has fun trying to save you and your fuck-ups. The posterboy of the Colorado Avalanche showing his true colors at last.”

Nate finally let you turn and make your way upstairs. He didn’t follow as you made your way into the bedroom and packed a bag with enough clothes to last you until the next road trip. He was sitting on the couch, stiff and tense, but he jumped up when you came back down the stairs. 

“Where are you going?” he asked, starting to reach out to grab your arm, but stopping himself at the last second, grasping at the air instead. “Please, Y/N.”

“I don’t know, Nate,” you sighed. “But I can’t stay here. I’ll be back to get the rest of my stuff while you’re on your next road trip. Say hi to your other girlfriend for me.”

Nate followed you outside. Cox barked once as you climbed into your car. “But-but you live here, with us! Please, let me fix this.”

You turned to Nate one last time. “You know, you could have fixed everything else that screwed us up this season. I really thought we could’ve been fine. But this, Nate? I don’t know anymore.” 

Nate flinched as your car door slammed. You watched in your rearview mirror as you drove away. His hands were shoved in his pockets, unmoving, and then he was out of sight. 

You drove aimlessly around Denver for a while. You let yourself get lost before you found somewhere quiet to pull over. Except, the breakdown, the tears, never came. Instead, you felt numb and hollow. You had really been foolish enough to believe that you could love Nate through everything, and that he would love you back. Hadn’t Sid said it seemed like you would be together forever?

When Nate showed up at the game the next night with a fresh black eye, no one commented on it. No one commented on EJ’s freshly bruised knuckles, either.

The season ended quietly. The Avs had managed to turn the season around, stop the bleeding, but they never quite could fix the damage. You had moved out of Nate’s house after the fight. You rarely saw each other anymore, but you didn’t tell him you kept going to games until the very end. You just couldn’t keep yourself away, no matter how much it hurt to watch him down on the ice.  

Nate went home to Cole Harbour. You stayed in Denver. 

Sometimes you thought back to the beginning of your relationship with Nate. You remembered what it was like when you first met, when Nate was still shy and quiet. It had been so stupidly fucking cliche, too: in a goddamn Starbucks. 

You listened to the man next to you in line rattle off a list of coffee orders, ranging from basic to borderline ridiculous. The baristas were already beginning to look overwhelmed as the cups lined up. He had the grace to look sheepish, at least, and tucked what looked like a ten dollar bill into their tip jar. You didn’t pay him much more mind after that, stepping to the side and trying your hardest to stay out of the way of other patrons while you waited. Then your grandmother had called, asking for technology help, even though you were hundreds of miles away from home, and you had other family that literally lived five minutes away from her. You were distracted and missed that a barista had called your name. You were still caught up with your phone and didn’t realize until someone was tapping you on the shoulder and tentatively saying your name.

You looked up, surprised, and your entire field of vision was filled with one very blond, blue-eyed, broad-shouldered man. First, you made the connection to him being the one with the list of coffee orders in line next to you, and then, that the man standing in front of you, struggling to balance several coffee carriers, was Nathan MacKinnon. 

“I grabbed your coffee by mistake,” he said. “It got mixed in with all our orders, and I only just noticed it had a different name on it. I’m really sorry.”

You smiled, taking your coffee. “It’s not a big deal, don’t worry about it. I didn’t even hear them call my name.” Nate still looked apologetic. “Did you lose a bet or something?” you asked then, looking at the stack of coffee cups Nate still held. 

He grinned at you. “Something like that.”

You had left the Starbucks that day with Nate’s phone number. At the time, you had no real intent to use it; you didn’t kid yourself. Nathan MacKinnon was a former first-overall draft pick, hero of the Colorado Avalanche, and you were just some girl whose coffee he accidentally stole. 

Nate texted you first. He did that a lot in the beginning. He was always a little awkward– a life spent focused on hockey meant that he wasn’t the best at small talk– but he was sweet and could make you laugh.

When he first asked you out, you said no. You had watched his face fall, watched him bite his lip and take a step back from you. You felt a surprising rush of sadness settle in your chest as Nate’s cheeks flushed with embarrassment. You had said no because you didn’t want to be just another girl, another fling that meant nothing. Suddenly, you weren’t sure if that’s all you would be to Nate, and you were a little scared by how willing you were to see how far it could go. 

“Ask me again in a couple weeks,” you said softly. Nate startled, still looking a little bit like he wanted to run. You looked up at him fondly.

Life went on in Denver that summer without Nate. You went to work. You went home to your empty apartment. Really, it wasn’t all that different from life with Nate in Denver, at least not in the last couple of months. You texted with Sid and Sarah every once in a while, but you got complete radio silence from Nate. Tyson Barrie texted you a video of Cox and Ralph playing one day in mid-July, and you could hear Nate laughing somewhere in the background. You didn’t reply. You didn’t want to admit to how many times you watched the video, just to hear Nate’s laugh again, either. 

“You are not getting my dog a fucking-what it’s called? A puppuccino?” Nate gripped his iced black cold brew tightly in his hand and glared at you. Cox sat patiently at your feet, eyeing the cup of whipped cream in your hand and licking his lips eagerly.

“It’s just whipped cream, babe! And, look, he likes them!” 

Nate raised an eyebrow at you. You had forgotten that the trips you took to Starbucks with Cox while the boys were on road trips were secret. “Y/N.” Nate crouched down and squished Cox’s face. Cox looked unimpressed. “This is a highly trained guard dog. He does not need any fucking whipped cream.” Cox’s tongue darted out and licked Nate’s nose. It was Nate’s turn to look unimpressed.

You bent down to give Cox his puppuccino. He lapped it up excitedly, getting whipped cream all over his nose and whiskers. Nate rolled his eyes at the both of you. 

“You’re not allowed to spoil our children.” You paused, still watching Cox try and get the last of the whipped cream out of the cup. Nate had never mentioned kids before, but you sometimes watched the smile he had when he played with Linnea or Sophie, even though he was still a little terrified of holding a baby. You looked at him, but he was still watching Cox calmly.

“Are you saying that Cox isn’t already your son?” you asked, only deflecting a little, and trying very hard to not picture Nate with a tiny baby of your own. 

Nate scoffed. You both looked down at Cox, who had rolled onto his back, tongue lolling out the side of his mouth. “Besides,” he said, tugging you closer by your hips, “I think Cox will be great with kids, and there’s only one way to find out.”

You just rolled your eyes.

You always had to grit your teeth and smile when someone heard that you weren’t originally from Denver and asked, pretty much without fail, if you had moved for Nate. The answer was always that you had moved for work and had met Nate by chance. If Nate was a part of the conversation, he would chip in that he’d had to work to even get you to consider dating him. He’d always kiss you after that, on the forehead, on the cheek, and he’d look at you like he was the lucky one. And you could look into his eyes and forget for a moment that you’d been upset.

You always wondered why everyone assumed you had dropped your life, your family and friends and your hometown just to follow Nate and his hockey career. Now, you were wondering if you were ready to drop your life, your friends, and everything you loved about Denver just to get away from Nate and his hockey career. 

You didn’t hear from Nate when he returned to Denver for training camp. It hurt in a way you couldn’t articulate, a bone-deep ache, a hollowness that you had never felt before, the fear that you had both let your relationship go past the point of no return while neither of you were paying attention. You thought wildly as you laid in bed alone, if you would ever see Nate again, be able to look him in the eyes and tell him you loved him one more time.

Because you did. You still loved Nate, maybe always would, and you missed him, spent the whole summer missing him, had missed him long before he went back to Cole Harbour by himself. You were terrified that you lost the best relationship you’d ever had. You were too scared to reach out to him yourself, half-sure that he’d never even respond, and that would be all you needed to know that you had reached the end. 

You watched the boys’ Instagram stories as they went golfing everyday after practice. You watched Nate smile and laugh with Gabe and Burky, though you noticed that the smiles never quite seemed to reach his eyes. You looked at the Avs’ social medias every day for the pictures they inevitably posted of Nate. He never seemed to be smiling. You would drive down near the Pepsi Center, only to see his face plastered everywhere. Seeing Nathan MacKinnon around Denver seemed unavoidable; he was on posters and on shirts and jerseys. Seeing Nate, though? Your Nate, with the lisp and the love for dogs, who yelled at his teammates on Fortnite and loved his family more than anything? You weren’t sure you’d ever see him again. 

So whether you kiss me or you close the door Just know that I'm better than I was before

You were surprised when someone knocked on your apartment door one night after dinner, only a couple of days before the regular season began. You were even more surprised when you pulled open the door to see Nate. He startled a little when you opened the door, and you leaned against the doorjamb, allowing yourself to just look at him.

His summer tan had already started to fade. He was wearing jeans, but an old Avs T-shirt, and he was picking at the fraying hem. He was no longer as lean as he was the last time you’d seen him towards the end of the season, but he looked exhausted the same way he did in the final stretch.

It hurt to look at him for long, so you cleared your throat, tore your gaze away from the dark circles under his eyes. Nate shook himself a little, looked away from the 29 on your right shoulder. You had forgotten that you had put on an old, stolen hoodie after work. For a while, it had still smelled like him, but now it didn’t smell like anything. 

“I thought you gave everything of mine back,” was the first thing he said.

You shrugged, tugging the sleeves of Nate’s hoodie over your hands. “Couldn’t bring myself to give it up.” You looked back at Nate. He looked pained. “What’re you doing here, Nate?” The exhaustion of the last couple months, the heartbreak, the worry, showed in your voice.

“I just-I wanted to see you. Wanted to try and explain, if you wanted to listen. I know I’ll never get the words right, and you could slam the door in my face right now, and I wouldn’t blame you. And if you do, I’ll leave you alone. But if you don’t, I will spend the rest of my life apologizing, trying to show you how much I love you.”

You covered your mouth to cover the sob that rose out of your chest. Nate’s eyes snapped up to yours, those bright blue eyes that you still loved so much, and he looked panicked. “Nate, I-”

“Look, if I were you, I’d hate me. Hell, EJ socked me, and I thought Sid was gonna leave me out on the lake to die when I first flew home. If you spend the rest of your life hating me, it’s all on me. You probably wouldn’t be the only one. But, fuck, Cox misses you. I miss you.” Nate stepped closer, reached out to brush his thumb across your cheekbone. 

You let yourself revel in that touch for a moment before you took a step back, clutching your door for support. “I spent all summer wondering if we were over, Nate. Wondering what I could’ve done differently.” Nate bit his lip. He was still standing in the hallway outside your apartment. You hadn’t invited him in, and you weren’t sure you were going to at all. “I don’t know if I can do this again. If I can fall in love with you, be in love with you, and watch you go off on road trips and wonder if I can ever trust you again. I don’t know if I can do this,” you repeated. 

Nate closed his eyes, seemed to be steeling himself for something. He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. And I know it’s not enough, will never be enough, and I’m sorry for that, too.”

You hesitated. Nate blinked once, twice, fidgeted with the hem of his T-shirt again. It would be so easy, you thought, to let him back into your life. 

You closed the door.

The last thing you saw was Nate’s face, hurt but resigned. You leaned back against your door, slid down to the floor, and let the tears that had been burning under the surface for months out.

Part Two! 

[buckys-black-dress]

a fine line, part one

a/n: did you really think i could control myself enough to NOT do an enemies to lovers professor!bucky fic? did you really think i have that much willpower? i fucking love this trope and it’s so cute and i definitely will be doing more of these. k bye! leave feedback if ya want, and as per usual, don’t copy/share w/o my consent! if you read this all, luv u tons <33! - ali

wc: 4.2k words

-

Walking into your office bright and early was always the worst part of your day. Not because you hated your job, or because you hated the students you taught, but because of your neighbor.

Being a college English professor was something you dreamed of since you were a young girl, and it was something that you thoroughly enjoyed doing every single day.

Even if it meant being up before 7 AM during the week. 

But something that never failed to irritate the absolute everliving fuck out of you when you walked in was Dr. James Barnes.

Dr. Barnes was an incredibly educated man. He could tell you anything about historical events. Any day, any year, any country. But there was something about him that gave off an air of arrogance and ‘I’m better than you because of all my friends in the staff.’ You only joined the English Department of the Avengers University about a year ago, but in your time there, you’ve already built a strong reputation for yourself. 

Unfortunately, you were a bit shy when it came to conversing with your coworkers. Your most prominent friends who you’ve made are Natasha Romanoff and Wanda Maximoff, the Russian Literature and Studies professors. They were the ones you gravitated to the most, naturally, and have been incredible friends since you started this job. 

While they’ve been friendly, you’ve been having a pretty difficult time breaking out of your shell. You tend not to really put yourself out there in terms of sociality because of how unfamiliar you were with the setting, but you were slowly building your confidence to truly get to know your coworkers.

Steve Rogers, one of your fellow English professors, came into your classroom on this gloomy, early Monday morning with a cup of coffee in both hands.

“Mornin, Dr. Y/L/N.” Steve says while placing your cup on your desk, taking a fine morning?” He asks, breaking into a grin.

Steve was contagious when it came to his happiness and uplifting mood, and you matched his smile with one of your own.

“I’m just peachy, Professor Rogers. How was your weekend?” You ask, opening your laptop and reaching for your lesson binder. 

“It was actually really nice. I got my grading and planning for the week done last week so I got to spend time with the fiancée.” He smiles, leaning back in his chair. 

“Oh, how nice! What’s her name again...? I keep forgetting, forgive me.” You laugh, failing to recall the name of Steve’s beloved.

“No worries, Y/L/N.” Steve laughs at your aloofness, “it’s Peggy. She actually works as a military strategist.” He says with a proud smile, which you took notice of rather quickly. 

“That’s really interesting... I would never even be capable of doing anything with the military.” You giggle, making sure you have everything ready for your lesson today. 

“So... Y/N.” At the mention of your first name, your head shoots up in concern. Was something wrong? “Do you have anyone special at home?” Steve asks.

Your mouth felt dry at the question. You know Steve probably wasn’t trying to pry, but you couldn’t help feel yourself shrink under the question. 

“I- uh, no. Unless my cat counts.” You try to lighten the mood and lessen the speeding of your heart. 

Steve takes notice of your bright blush and embarrassment. To be fair, you were embarrassed. You were well into your twenties, a successful woman with a stable job, but little to social life. Or love life, at that. 

“You have a cat?! Let me see ‘em!” Steve exclaims, trying to deflect from the previous question. 

“Oh! This is her...” You say, flipping a frame facing you on your desk to Steve. In the picture frame was a beautiful, tiny black cat. “Her name is Lucy.” You tell him, smiling fondly at the image. 

“How old is she?” Steve asks.

“She actually just turned a year old. I thought it would be nice to have some company in my apartment when I moved here. I was getting a bit lonely.” You tell him, reminiscing on when you first adopted Lucy.

“She’s a real sweetheart.” Steve’s not able to wipe his grin away while looking at the furry animal. 

“Oh, you don’t even know. She’s a spoiled little thing, you should see her when I leave in the mornings.” You scoff, looking back to your checklist on your computer.

“Y’know, Bucky has a cat, too. I think he would like to know that someone else around here has one, the rest of us all have dogs.” Steve mentions casually, but your brows furrow in confusion.

“I-I’m sorry, I know I haven’t been the most sociable person here since I arrived, but... who’s Bucky? I don’t think I’ve met someone with that name...” You search your brain for any recollection of meeting someone named Bucky, but you were coming up completely short. 

“Oh! Bucky is what James usually goes by... I mean, normally people don’t call him James, just Bucky or Barnes as nicknames, y’know?” Steve clarifies.

“Oh, that makes sense,” you say with a slight laugh, “Dr. Barnes and I haven’t interacted very much since I started here... I get the feeling he’s not too fond of me.” You say with a smile to not make Steve uncomfortable. You knew the two of them were friends, as they were always chatting in the professor’s lounge and cracking jokes. 

“Bucky...? Not fond of you? Did something happen between you two that I wasn’t aware of? You’re not unlikable or anything...” Steve wonders out loud, trying to understand. 

“I-I’m not too sure, Professor Rogers.” You try to stop the conversation here before things got too blown out of proportion. “I hate to cut this short, b-but I’ve got a lecture in ten minutes, so I should get going.” You tell him curtly, gathering your things into your tote and seeing Steve out of your office. 

“I’ll catch ya later, Y/L/N!” Steve says as he walks in the direction of his office down the hall.

“See you, Rogers!” You say back, making your way out of the building to the next. 

Just as you locked your office shut, you see a head poking out of the office next yours.

You keep your head down, not really wanting to engage in any aggressive banter right before your lecture. 

But of course, Dr. Barnes had other ideas. And while you really didn’t have the time, Barnes definitely did. 

“Mornin’, Professor Y/L/N! Already late to your first class of the week?” James calls from his spot as you walk in the opposite direction to the exit of the building. 

“I’m actually perfectly on time, Dr. Barnes. And it’s Doctor! Have a good day!” You turn back briefly for about two seconds to meet his gaze, and walk into the biting morning air, ready for the long day ahead.

Dr. Barnes, damn you for making my days ten times longer than usual.

-

Going home was always your favorite part of the day. Your apartment was your safe place, your place where you could drop the professionalism and not worry about having to interact with other people. 

Most of your nights were spent reading, watching movies, learning new recipes, and whatever you could do to take some time to yourself. Lucy was roaming the kitchen while you were trying to perfect your latest baked good. 

As Lucy intertwines herself between your legs, you look down, making sure you don’t trip over yourself.

“Luce, you have a whole plaything set up over there, why do you insist on putting yourself right ther-” Just as you were scolding your kitten, your phone rings from its’ spot in front of you on the counter.

“Hello?” You say into the speaker.

“Y/N! How are you?” Natasha’s voice came through the speakers, making you pull the phone away from your ear. 

“I-I’m good, Natasha. What’s up?” You ask, wondering why she was calling you since she was very clearly not at home. 

“W-Well,” she lets out a laugh with commotion in the background, “a few of us are down at the bar a couple blocks away from your place, I think.” Another round of ruckus in the back, “would you like to join us?”

“O-Oh... who else is there?” Your voice came through softly, making your nervousness evident through the phone.

“Just a few people in our group... Wanda, Banner, Stark, Rogers, Wilson, Odinson...” Natasha’s voice trails off, like she was still going to mention someone else, but was holding her tongue.

“Oh... Uhm, I was just in the middle of a recipe, but I think I could swing by for a bit...” You look down at your mixing bowl, covering it and placing it in the refrigerator. 

Lucy scurries through to your closet once you open it, searching for something to wear, because your current situation was quite frankly sweats. Choosing a black turtleneck and jeans, you dab on a little bit of makeup and pull on some boots, making your way to your car and warming it up. 

Once you made it to the bar, you were met with a stench that only bars have, one you haven’t smelt in years. College was fun while it lasted, though. 

The first person you spot is Wanda, who’s sitting at the bar waiting for drinks, you presume, so you make your way towards her.

“Y/N! I’m so glad you came! Natasha said you were, but we weren’t sure, you don’t normally do, but it’s perfect! I’m so excited, we never hang out too much, you know? And-” Wanda was rambling, and although you could tell she didn’t want to offend you, it stung. You know you haven’t been out with your coworkers, but it was just one of the effects of your social anxiety. 

“It’s okay, Wanda. I know, but I’m gonna try to come out more... I think it’s time.” You tell her with a small smile. 

“That’s great, Y/N. I’m glad, you deserve to let loose and have fun every once in a while, you know. It’s okay to relax.” She pats your shoulder, and you can feel her warmth in it, both physically and emotionally. It was nice.

“I- Yeah, thanks, Wanda. Do you need a hand with the drinks?” You ask, seeing the two full trays. 

“Yes! If you don’t mind, we’re just back there. We got you a drink too, but we didn’t really know what you liked so we just played it safe.” She explains, pointing to the Old Fashioned on the tray.

“Oh! You didn’t have to...” You trail off, placing the tray down on the table. 

“Hi, Y/N! Didn’t know you’d be joining us tonight, good to see ya!” Steve says while scooting further down the booth seat to make room for you, everyone else welcoming you. 

“Thanks for inviting me, guys. I guess I really did need to get out of the house.” You say while sipping on your drink. 

As the chatter around the table starts again, you quickly end up finishing your drink, caught up in the atmosphere around you and how you were having such a good time. 

Maybe this isn’t so bad. I should do this more often.

And as this thought came to your head, Natasha sees that you’ve finished your drink, motioning to the empty glass.

“Need another, Y/N?” She points to the bar, “I’ll come with, I need one too.” 

You nod, scooting out of the booth.

“I’ll just have a glass of red,” you tell the bartender, Natasha giving you an odd look, “I still have to drive home later..” You laugh when she hums in realization. 

While waiting, a tall guy with dark hair is already chatting up Natasha. And just when you didn’t think your night could get any weirder, you feel someone come up next to you.

“What’s a gorgeous girl like you doing here all by yourse-” But the voice was cut short as soon as you turned your head towards whoever it was. As soon as your mind recognized the face, your eyes widened, met with equally wide, ocean blue eyes.

“Y/N?! What the hell are you doing here?” Bucky’s voice was filled with confusion and mild disgust, ouch. 

“I-I was invited... By Natasha...” Your voice was meeker than you wanted it to sound, because who the hell was Bucky to question why you were here? 

“Oh. I didn’t know it was you, for the record.” Bucky states, watching in satisfaction as you look down at your wineglass that the bartender placed in front of you. She gave you a sympathetic look, turning back to another customer.

“I-Yeah, I figured, Barnes. Sorry to disappoint you, I suppose.” You grab the glass and walk back to the table, trying to not look as though someone just called you ugly to your face. 

“Y’know, I don’t quite understand why you can’t just let her be.” Bucky turns his gaze to Natasha.

“I just... don’t like her. It’s as simple as that, Nat. She walks around acting all high and mighty, like she isn’t equal to us.” He reasons, trying to make his point. 

“Bucky... Maybe if you took five seconds to get rid of that ego of yours, you’d know the kind of person she is. And she is most definitely not as pretentious as you’ve made her out to be. She’s a human being, just like the rest of us here.” Natasha finishes defending you, turning back to the table, leaving Bucky even more confused than before. 

-

As the night went on, you very evidently avoided anything that had to do with Bucky. If he came by the table, you would waver your gaze elsewhere, and if he initiated the conversation, you would keep quiet. Although you knew it was probably the easiest way to avoid conflict with him, you could tell you were folding in on yourself. 

And Wanda and Natasha most definitely noticed. 

Every time Bucky spoke, it was like you would disconnect. Focus your mind elsewhere, filling your head with thoughts completely unrelated to your current atmosphere. 

“Y/N, what do you have planned for the holiday break?” Sam’s voice pipes up, trying to include you in the conversation. 

“Oh, uhm... Not much, I usually stay at home and make myself a nice meal. Take some time to myself, y’know.” You smile at the thought of the holiday season. You were completely ready to take the time off to catch up on self care. 

“Oh, no family to go see?” Steve’s voice asks from across the booth.

“Uh... no, not really.” You try let out a light laugh at the answer, trying to not show the stiffness of your body at the topic at hand. 

“I-I’m sorry, Y/N, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable...” Steve says, trying to rectify the situation.

“No! You’re completely okay, Steve.” You reassure him, not wanting to make things even more uncomfortable. 

“Well, now that we’re on the topic,” Bucky’s voice breaks the silence, “Y/N, how come we know, like... nothing about you? You’ve been at the university for a bit now and this is the first time we’re seeing you outside of work.” Bucky’s expression was smug as could be, and you were really fighting the urge to cry right now. 

“Bucky, leave her alone.” Wanda’s voice was coming as a warning, daring Bucky to go even further.

“No, I’m not trying to sound rude or anything,” Bucky keeps pushing, “but you just seem to act like we don’t deserve your time, like you’re better than all of us or something.” 

“Buck, that’s enough.” Steve’s voice was like ice. “Just leave her alone, for God’s sake.” 

The table falls silent, your eyes fixed on your hands in your lap.

“I-I’m sorry, guys...” Your voice was holding on by a thread. “I think I should go, thank you so much for inviting me out with you guys. Have a good night.” And with that, you slip out of the booth, disappearing out the front door at an exceptional speed. 

The rest of the table was watching Bucky with several emotions, including mild disgust, anger, and hopelessness. 

When will this stop?

- 

That night when you return to Lucy, you were drained. Tired. Exhausted. Ever since you were a child, it seemed that you couldn’t outgrow your shyness and quietness. The only place that made you feel like you belonged was your lecture hall. And although you tried, several times, to overcome this horrid quality of yours, it seemed that you could never escape it. 

It just always came back.

And you know how it made you seem to others. Pretentious, snobby, it gave you an air of a superiority complex.

When in reality, it was exactly the opposite. You were so afraid to speak sometimes that you just choose not to. You didn’t want to be judged or ridiculed for saying the wrong things, so you thought it was better to keep quiet.

Becoming a professor definitely helped you break out of that shell a little bit, but it never really translated outside of the classroom.

Flopping down on your grey comforter, you realize that you couldn’t continue to feel like this. It was years and years of meekness, of keeping to yourself. That was the reason why you were almost 30 with no boyfriend, no fiancé, and certainly no husband or child. 

You knew you had to make a change, but you didn’t quite know how to. But that’s something you’ll have to worry about later, because you were close to passing out right now.

-

The following week had been... different. You were spending less of your lunch hours in your office, alone, and finally accepting Natasha and Wanda’s consistent invites to eat with them. It took them by surprise at first, but they welcomed you with open arms.

It was now Thursday, and you were in Wanda’s office, digging into your pasta salad that you’d packed.

“So, Y/N, just out of curiosity...” Natasha speaks through her lunch, “What suddenly made you want to join us? I mean, after last week, I wouldn’t be surprised if you never wanted to see us again.” She laughs a breath out, clearly feeling guilty for last weeks’ events. 

“Well,” you supply after a moment to think, “I realized something. After James... spoke his mind, I guess you could say, I realized that he was right, in a way.”

“Wha-” Wanda interjected but you continued to explain.

“I realized that I had removed myself so far from the people that I see every single day so much that they don’t even know me. And it’s been like this most of my life... I usually just keep to myself, but I think that even though I’m terrified of speaking to people I don’t know, it’ll never get better unless I actually try.” You release, feeling a metaphorical weight lift off your chest. 

“Well, Y/N, I’m glad you finally chose to let us in... But Bucky was still an asshole, and totally out of line. We know we can’t speak for him, but we’re all really sorry for what he said... He doesn’t even know you, and he shouldn’t have made those assumptions about you.” Wanda says after a moment of silence. 

“Thank you, guys.” You smile, gathering your things and standing up. “I have a lecture to prepare for, but... thank you for everything, both of you. It’s been a long time since I’ve had good people in my life that I can call my friends.” You’re shocked at the fact that you feel two sets of arms wrap around you at your confession, holding you tight.

“Y/N, you don’t ever have to thank us for being your friends... you deserve good things, never forget that.” Natasha tells you, and for the first time, you actually believe it. 

“Okay, I actually have to go now, but I’ll see you two later?” You ask, already halfway out the door.

“Yeah, we’ll text you!” Wanda yells back, and you’re making your way back to your office to gather your belongings for the lecture.

But of course, you could never get ready for a class without Barnes popping out and giving you a little pep talk.

“Afternoon, Y/L/N. Getting ready to bore another groups of kids to death?” He asks, a smug look on his face with a mug held in his hand. 

“Actually, Dr. Barnes, I happen to have excellent students who truly enjoy being in my class, being that I don’t teach any 101s, that’s more Steve’s part. But thanks for the concern.” You tell him, shutting the door behind you and letting out a deep breath you didn’t know you were holding in.

You’ve never spoken to anyone like that in your life before. 

And James was equally shocked at your attitude, standing in his doorway, dumbfounded with his mouth hanging open. He was staring at your shut door, wondering where the quick with came from.

He begrudgingly turns back into his own office, truly trying to process what just occurrfaxed.

While you slung your bag over your shoulder, there was an infectious smile gracing your face, proud of not being his doormat for the first time.

That day, class was even better than usual, and you even let your students out early, telling them to enjoy the rest of their day. 

And that night, you went home feeling the best you’ve felt in a long time.

-

You went into the university the next week feeling refreshed from you girl’s weekend that you hosted at your apartment, inviting Natasha and Wanda, and even another professor named Carol who you’ve recently befriended as well- to unwind and have fun with. 

And as you swing the usually locked door of your office open with ease, your eyebrows furrowed. 

I remember locking it when I left on Friday...

But the only thing that seems to out of place is the iced americano and chocolate croissant sitting on your desk.

On the bag of the croissant, there was writing that read, ‘Thought I’d make it up to you.’

Who the hell would go out of their way to bring me breakfast? You thought to yourself. And they know my usual...

You honestly assumed it could’ve been one of the girls, but you don’t know what they could’ve been making it up to you for. Maybe girl’s night? But still, everyone did a good job of bringing things with them to compensate for you hosting. 

But nothing explains the door being unlocked. But you weren’t really afraid. You didn’t keep anything too valuable in there anyways, taking most papers home with you, and keeping classified files sealed in the file cabinet. 

It didn’t really scare you, but you truly wondered who would go out of their way to do something like this for you.

The rest of your day went by pretty quickly, and it was oddly quiet. Specifically from the office next door.

It’s now 5 PM, and not a peep from James.

It unsettled you, to say the least. First the breakfast and unlocked office, and now not a word from him. 

It was weird.

You spotted him talking to Steve earlier in the day, but you haven’t seen too much of him either.

Although, there was a staff meeting tonight, so you’d definitely see him then.

As you made your way to the designated conference room with Natasha, you see Dean Fury waiting for everyone to arrive. He greets you with his usual disgruntled look, which you’ve learned to not take personally over the time you’ve spent here at Avengers University.

Slowly, everyone made it in, taking a seat. 

“Good evening, staff. I hope you’ve all had a productive day thus far, but there’s a reason I’ve called you here tonight. I have a proposal for all of you.” Fury explains, making you all curious. 

“I’ve decided, after a few months of toying with the idea, I’d like to do partner teaching. Each and every one of you will be assigned a counterpart, and you will both help each other in making the others’ teaching environment better. Here at AU, we’re committed to always pushing the envelope, and that means that sometimes, you’ll have to get uncomfortable. And if you’re wondering, there’s no way out of this. You all have to do it. Each one of you has received an email to your .edu inbox with your partner assignment and further instructions on how this will be done.” A pause overtook the room as everyone pulled out their phones to check their emails. “Happy teaching, we start next week, folks.” Fury finishes, exiting the room. 

Meanwhile, you couldn’t believe your eyes when they saw the opened email. 

Dr. Y/L/N, you’ve been selected to teach alongside Dr. Barnes.

Oh fuck no.

And the look he was sharing with you from across the table confirmed he was thinking the exact same thing. 

-

a/n pt.2: ooooooh cliffhangerrr!!! holy shit y’all this bitch long asf. don’t worry, part 2 will be coming soon! comment and lmk what you thought down below! this might have a part 3, i haven’t decided yet !! lol, anyways, i have class in an hour, so bye! if you made it this far, i seriously love and. appreciate you!

[ultimatebethylficlist]

Veteran Author of The Month: June 2021

The featured veteran author for June is also a co-admin right here at UBFL: SquishyCool (or @im-immortal )!

SquishyCool can be found on AO3 and FFN under the same penname.

When asked what got her into Bethyl and what the fandom means to her, she said:

I’ve been a hardcore TWD fan since the show began airing, but that’s because of my love for zombies. In all honesty, I didn’t really ship anyone for the first 3-4 seasons. I kind of shipped Daryl with Carol, but then it became clear that it was a platonic relationship and in all honesty, I just wanted to see them both get some action lmao. Then the prison fell... and in those first moments of “Still,” when we see Beth and Daryl running and running and finally collapsing on the ground, breathless and exhausted... the butterflies started. Something clicked and I immediately thought, “uh oh.” The rest is history, especially considering how “Still” and “Alone” played out. I can’t explain how or why I’m still so heavily invested, especially considering my last 2 fandoms only kept my attention for about 2-3 years each, but here I am. And I love it! I am so incredibly grateful for the Bethyl fandom because not only has it helped me improve my writing so much more than I ever could have imagined, but it has also introduced me to some of the most amazing people, including someone who I now consider one of my very best friends! It’s my happy place :)

For her personal fic rec list, she recommends:

In The Maw by ronsparkyspeirs

Way Down We Go by LeathernLaces

Surfacing by lindentree

Wild Things (The Moonshine Poet) by Abelina

The Gift by Feliz

The Man Who Can't Be Moved by burningupasun

New Experiences Series by wallflow3r

Whisper Softly to Me by taylorcatherine

Interstice by leftmywingshome

To Love Like a Man by Seraphique

Death, Death (i defy thee) by alamorn

In My Blood by Courtneyshortney82

Let the Good Times Roll by gutsforgarters

Resolved by Allatariel

the weight of these wings by peachthorns

all my spaces are filled with you by annabeth_writes

A Little Jailbreak with the Little Jailbait by wandering_gypsy_feet

between the beginning and the end by sheriffandsteel

SquishyCool’s Works & Personal Thoughts:

Dirty Fingernails and Dried Blood Summary: What happened during the months between "Still" and "Alone"? Beth uses the last pages of her diary to write down every detail of surviving with Daryl. Thoughts: My first Bethyl fanfic. It holds a special place in my heart for that reason, though it is pretty rough. If I could go back, I never would’ve done it entirely in first-person. But I do plan to finish it one day. There are some scenes I’m particularly proud of, and I still have a long note full of ideas and plot points.

Most Wanted Summary: After Beth’s mother and half-brother are murdered in a drug war, the godly veil on the Greene Family operation is lifted, and law enforcement comes down hard. In an effort to protect her family, Beth commits a heinous crime that could mean life in prison alongside them. Now everyone she’s ever trusted is in police custody and her only chance at freedom is to get as far away from Atlanta as she can... Thoughts: Well, this is a must-read if you like my writing. I hope to one day convert this into an original fiction and maybe get it published, but I need to finish it first LOL. I got the idea from ONE scene of “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt,” and from there, it exploded into a huge mystery thriller (with lots of romance and smut). I’m really really proud of it, and I’m scared I’ll fuck it up tbh, so I keep putting off continuing it. But I really need to get back to it because I really want people to see what I have planned! (Also, this fic is the reason @courtneyshortney82​ started talking to me, so that alone is pretty historic lmao)

The Crow’s Song Summary: Beth and Daryl spend a few more days together in the funeral home and come to terms with all they've lost along the way. But soon, they must decide what comes next. Thoughts: This fic... this fucking fic. It took me a full year to write. I made numerous edits. I even got a little depressed while I was writing the last two chapters, and my bf didn’t know why until he read what I’d been writing lol. It’s honestly the Bethyl fic I’ve always wanted to write but just didn’t know how. I’m still really really proud of how it turned out.

Carnival Games Summary: Daryl is a traveling carnival worker and Beth is a barely legal farmer's daughter looking for a night of fun when the carnival comes to town. Thoughts: Omg this fic is so fun!! One of my first Bethyl fics, and one of my first Bethyl smut fics. Short, sweet, a little funny, and a lot hot. I am still impressed with myself on this one, especially considering how much my writing has improved since lol

Breathe. Please. Summary: Beth shows up at the Hilltop. Alive. Daryl can hardly believe his eyes. Until she's lying in his bed, an arm's reach away. And he can hear her inhaling... exhaling... inhaling... Thoughts: Another “fix-it” that I’m proud of. Tbh I didn’t think it was anything all that special, but a lot of readers have said it’s one of their favorites, and some say they reread it regularly, and nothing makes me happier than hearing that, so I am extremely proud.

picking @ scabs Summary: Sometimes, no matter how much you love someone, being with them just isn't right. But what wouldn't you give for it to be right? Can someone like Daryl learn how to swallow his pride and stop repeating the same mistakes over and over? Can someone like Beth learn to fight off her demons and allow him to get close enough to hurt her again? How can they stay away from each other when it's all too easy to fall back into one another? Picking a scab will leave a scar, but they both have so many scars already... what's a few more? Thoughts: This fic is very, very personal for me. It’s like my “therapy” fic. I have poured some of my deepest feelings and struggles into its chapters, and the whole idea that got me to start it was that I wanted to find a way to navigate and cope with ending my 3-year long relationship with my emotionally/mentally/sometimes physically abusive ex. I still have a lot of fond memories from that relationship, but even more so, I have painful memories. Not to mention, going through your early 20s as a woman in the modern day is a fuckin’ trip, so this kind of explores that. It’s really self-indulgent, I think, but I’m really proud of the smut in it. And more than that, I’m proud of the response. I’ve had a few people message me or comment to say that they’ve felt all those things, or have experienced similar things, and it’s really just... relieving. I put my heart and soul out there, and what I got back was “you’re not alone.” So yeah, this fic is special. I wanna finish it soon, but I have to be in A Mood to do so. 

In Toto Corde Summary: Despite a million reasons not to, Beth and Daryl fell in love. Then he made the ultimate sacrifice in order to keep all of his promises. Now, facing unimaginable consequences at the hands of witch hunters, Beth has no choice but to use her powers to bring Daryl back from the dead. "He won't be the same..." Thoughts: I LOVE THIS FIC. I love it so much that I had to rewrite it after like 4 or 5 years. And I already started on a sequel that I really hope I’m able to finish. Though it doesn’t have many hits, and I don’t think many people have read it at all, which I understand since it basically is entirely focused around Daryl being killed. But damn, I’m proud of this one, and it was really fucking fun to write because witch!Beth is just... the best.

risk it all (part 1 of in for a penny, in for a pound) Summary: Daryl Dixon has a pretty decent life, all things considered. He's got his own place. A good dog. A few friends. Even a girlfriend. He keeps himself out of trouble. Until he starts texting Beth Greene. And hell, if he ain't about to risk it all for this damn girl. Thoughts: This was supposed to be one short multichapter fic focused entirely on smut and social media. Then I got on a roll and it ended up being the beginning of a series! This fic is purely fun. Nothing too serious or heavy. I write it when I’m in a Good Mood because it’s my little happy place. I have plans for about 4 more fics before the series will be finished!

Don’t Make Me Haunt You Summary: So here's the thing: Merle Dixon is dead as fuck. And as it turns out, Beth Greene is the only one who can see or hear him. Which is weird considering she's never met or even heard of this guy, let alone anyone with the last name Dixon. That's her first problem... Thoughts: The reception to this fic has absolutely blown me away. I had no idea anyone would want to read about ghost!Merle haunting Beth and forcing her to solve his murder with the help of his grumpy brother. And it was all inspired by an episode of South Park lmao then I started really getting into it and now it’s just like, my super fun fic where I explore a range of emotions and all kinds of religious beliefs and different mythologies and I can build the world however I want and goddamn I just love writing this fic. Plus there’s a podfic for it! I can’t even begin to explain how much I love this fic and how proud I am of it :)

[thedistrictsleepsalonetonight]

Your mess is mine

Sue may only be a math major, but she knows this much about telling a story: it needs to have a beginning, middle, and an end.  

If she were to sit down and write one, here is where it would start — Emily laughs and she falls in love. It doesn’t matter the year, the month, or the minute; when Emily laughs, she falls in love. Sue’s a little slow when these things are concerned, love doesn’t come to her as quickly or as easily as it has historically come to Emily. I saw you in the coffee shop and I knew you were the one, she’s fond of telling Sue, usually during fights. It’s highly annoying that Emily thinks it’d work on her. Even more annoying is the fact that it does. 

Alright, does she have moments of intense déjà vu sometimes? Like when they’re lying in bed, after one of Austin’s house parties, and Sue curls up into Emily’s soft shoulders, plays with her pretty, pretty hands? Or when she catches Emily conked out in front of her laptop in a corner table at the café on her break and gently wakes her up? Sure. But isn’t that what love is? The same five gestures repeated in infinite ways, creating a well of infinite affection. So if walking the steps with Emily settles deep into her bones without flinching, as if they’ve done this before, she’s convinced that it’s because they’re well and truly perfect together. 

(Definitely not because — and this is something that has been occurring to her more and more lately — they were star-crossed lovers in a past life a century ago.) 

(That would be crazy.) 

(Right?) 

***** 

Falling in love aside, Emily can be really, infuriatingly, secretive about the worst of things. Sometimes it is charming, watching her having to pick her way through multiple explanations, create long-winded detours just to attempt to confuse Sue into getting exasperated enough to drop the subject altogether. But that’s at the very end, when it turns out that she was going to all this trouble to make sure Sue wasn’t going to find out she’d gotten her that one Hawaiian shirt Sue had off-handedly admired once, aeons ago. Or that she’s been holed up in their room all day because she’s been setting up lights in honor of it being exactly six months since they first hugged. Which is why she is more resigned that surprised when Lavinia sits down in front of her, leans in, and asks her what she’s doing for Emily’s birthday next week. 

Sue sneaks a look at Emily who is currently chatting with an old lady who usually comes in on the weekends. Her girlfriend happens to be one of those baristas who is beloved by the elderly, God only knows why. All the older ladies will hang back at the counter and tell her all about their grandkids’ schools and ballet recitals. In return, Emily will rant to them about college and apparently, Sue as well, which was something she discovered one day when she walked in and two old ladies gave her teasing yet approving smiles from their table. 

(And then took her aside to whisper — Showing a little skin wouldn’t do any harm and would keep your girl on her toes — which near about killed her)  

The entire situation is hilarious. Also the most adorable thing she has ever seen. 

“Why haven’t you guys discussed your birthdays yet?” 

“It’s just never,” Sue muses, “come up, I guess.” 

Austin rollerblades past, swivels to a stop and bends so he’s approximately level with their faces. “Are we talking about,” he says, lowering his voice to a comical whisper, “Emily’s birthday?” 

Lavinia pulls him down, so he’s sitting on the spare chair. “And Sue’s, apparently. Did you know her birthday falls, like, nine days after Emily’s?” 

Austin stares at her, wide-eyed. “That means it’s on the.... 19th? 

Sue nods. 

“The 19th of December? After Emily’s birthday, on the 10th of December?” 

“Y....es?” 

He swipes at his phone, taps a couple of buttons, and then looks up with a smug smile. “I knew I remembered something. Look.” 

Lavinia has to angle her whole body to see, but it registers for both of them at the same time. A certain poet and her muse, who also apparently shared the same birthday as her and Emily. 

“Huh,” Lavinia says. “Maybe there is something to Emily’s theory after all.” 

“You mean Emily’s theory that we’re the reincarnations of those two?” she asks, hearing her own voice get progressively more hysterical by the word. She clears her throat, takes a deep breath, adds it to the list of rapidly growing coincidences in her head that she’s never going to give a closer look to, because that would be crazy. 

“Really the only part of this I’m genuinely shocked by,” Lavinia says after a long pause, in which Sue is struggling to reason with the logical part of her brain, “is that Austin remembers Emily Dickinson’s birthday.” 

Austin smiles proudly, and the thought is so funny that it drives potential insanity out of her mind eventually. 

***** 

“Why didn’t you tell me your birthday’s tomorrow?” 

Emily startles from where she’s staring out the window of the car, and Sue has about a moment to regret blurting it out before they’re looking at each other. She’d spent the entire week setting up the entire thing for Emily and now it probably won’t even be a surprise, but she’s insanely curious. No better time for it, either way. She’d planned everything perfectly, from picking up Emily at the café in the classy car she’d borrowed from Austin, to making sure it wasn’t too late after dinner. And yet, here they were, surrounded by cars and honking people because traffic was a fickle bitch. 

“Is that why we’re taking this trip?” she asks, wide-eyed. 

Sue extends a hand towards her, ruffles up her hair, feeling fond. Trust her idiot girlfriend to not have figured it out yet. She moves her hand to Emily’s cheek, and feels Emily cover it with her own. Feels a soft kiss pressed against her palm. 

“What did you think it was, dumdum?” 

“Well, it is the three month anniversary of—” Sue’s alarm is probably showing on her face, so she backtracks quickly. “Kidding. Kidding. There’s nothing tomorrow.” 

Sue pinches at her cheek. “Except your birthday. Speaking of which—” 

“Eh,” Emily shakes her head, shuffles around on her seat awkwardly, “it’s.... uh, complicated.” 

“Is the complication that you happen to share a birthday with a poet from long ago?” she’s only half-joking.  

Emily laughs at that. “Caught on, did you? Did you also check—” 

“E-yup.” 

“That your birthday is also—” 

“E-yup,” she says. Then turns to look at Emily. “Wait. How do you know when my birthday is?” 

Emily opens her mouth, but before she can say anything Sue hurriedly cuts in. “And you’re not allowed to say you have your ways.” 

Years ago, when Sue was fourteen, one day her dad and her mom came home with the same vegetable. Same quantity. It was beans, and she could vividly remember all three of them staring down in mock dismay at the two separate huge bundles of beans that now took up most of the space on the table. Then they started comparing prices. Turns out her mother’s bundle had cost a couple cents lesser than her father’s. But it’s not the same , her mother had insisted, holding up both the bundles. See, yours weighs more. I think the grocer I bought it from took some off . 

To this day, she defines love as the way her mother’s hand fell over his, combined with the way her dad looked at her next — like a child who had just been told that the blanket fort he’d spent hours constructing, wasn’t going to be torn down. Like someone had just handed a piece of the world to him, and told him to make of it whatever he wanted.  

Sue recognizes it in the way Emily looks at her. Like she’s saying — Of course. Of course, you know me well enough to guess the next stupid thing that comes out of her mouth. 

(She’s not very good at love, but she hopes Emily can read the answer in her eyes just the same) 

“Birthdays are complicated,” Emily says, slowly. “I’ve had some very good ones and then some very bad ones.” First girlfriend who she asked out on her 20th birthday, and second girlfriend who she broke up with a week before her 23rd; Sue fills in the blanks as she talks. “So I guess I try not to tell people so I myself don’t expect anything out of it. Neutral birthdays are better than euphoric ones or sad ones, because at least they don’t haunt me forever.” 

“Baby,” she says, and then trails off. Sometimes she likes calling Emily endearments, or just say her name out loud, randomly, even if there’s no statement attached to it. The sentiment’s always the same, however. I’m glad you exist. I’m glad you found me. I like your name. I love you.  

(Emily’s fallen asleep by the time she’s driven to the top of the grassy knoll, by the time the clock hits midnight. Sue lets her sleep through it. There will be time to sit on top of the blanket and watch a sleepy Emily blow out the candles on a tiny cake that looks like a typewriter, to stare at the stars all night long while they listen to soft, slow songs on a pair of shared earphones. For now, Sue watches Emily sleep, head tilted against the glass and decides to hold off on telling her she loves her until the day after her birthday. It’s a perfectly neutral birthday. No use in spoiling it.) 

(Emily says it back though, in case anyone was wondering) 

***** 

Sometimes, when Sue sees Emily cooking for her, she loses her breath. 

(And sometimes, it’s not even due to the smoke from a burned dish) 

But there’s something peaceful about watching Emily cook, especially if she hasn’t yet cottoned onto the fact that Sue’s watching her. She’s one of those annoying people who always has their headphones on, so most of her cooking in the kitchen involves perfectly timing the beats with the swipes of her spatula. Sometimes she spins around in the middle of a pancake flip to see if she can catch it in midair. Juvenile shenanigans aside, what really gets Sue, even after almost a year of having watched Emily dance around in the kitchen is the care with which she handles food that they will eat. It’s so different to the kind of food she cooks when she’s just cooking for herself. Sue’s seen her slap on two days expired cheese on top of a tortilla and call it lunch. And yet. 

And yet. Sue will have the best of things. Lasagna that’s still steaming. A sandwich filled with the most delicious ingredients. Waffles topped with cream that Emily will get up early in the morning to get for her. Food enhanced with care, made better with love. 

Why don’t you make those nice things for yourself, she’s asked on multiple occasions, to which Emily’s always shrugged. It’s just me. I can have almost anything. 

(Emily deserves the best. Sue will make sure she has it) 

There are flowers on the table, an assortment of daffodils and lilies arranged on a vase. Right in between two shiny plates laid out with napkins folded carefully beside them. Sue slides into one of the chairs quietly, rests her elbows on the table and waits for Emily to finally turn around. 

There is a panicked scream when she does. Sue doesn’t want to be that girlfriend, but this is definitely going on the list of stories she’ll tell their future kids when they’ve grown. 

(Another day she would worry about how the term — Their kids — moves around in her chest comfortably like a sip of hot cocoa. Today, exactly one year to the day Emily told her she liked her, she shrugs it off) 

“You weren’t supposed to wake up for another half an hour at least.” 

Sue hums. “You did tire me out last night, that is true.” 

“Sue!” Emily says, scandalized, face rapidly turning red. “I — that’s highly — okay wait, first things first....” 

She walks over to the table, and bends to kiss Sue.  

“Happy anniversary.” 

Sue closes her eyes, kisses both her cheeks in response. “Happy anniversary, my love.” 

Emily grins back, then stands again. “Either way,” she says, as she ladles soup onto a bowl, and gathers multiple plates on a tray to subsequently bring to the table, “brunch! Courtesy of your beautiful girlfriend who finally managed to figure out how to make the perfect chicken pot pie without burning down the house, or worse, giving you salmonella.” 

Sue inspects what lies in front of her. “Babe, this looks amazing.” 

Emily looks proud, as she sits on the other chair. “And that’s not all, okay? This is just the start. Today evening I have gotten us both tickets to—” 

“Move in with me.” 

When Emily blinks, Sue startles. The words that had just come out of her mouth definitely weren’t well-thought-out, but now she was thinking about it and it seemed like all she ever wanted in life. To go to sleep with Emily, and wake her up in time for her morning classes, to be able to see her all the time, and not have to watch her go. 

“That wasn’t my gift, by the way,” she adds, speaking fast, thinking of the limited-edition original copies of a book she’d driven five hours to the next town to get. “But it’s what I want. Us. Living together. I love you. We should.... uh, live together so — uh, okay Emily make me stop talking please.” 

Emily shuts her up with a kiss. When they separate, she stays close to Sue, looking right into her eyes with that soft, soft expression.  

“Are you sure?” she asks. 

Sue takes in a deep breath. Nods. “Yeah.” 

Emily considers that for a moment. Then says with a teasing smile — “I thought this violated your relationship rules.” 

“What ae you—” 

“No kissing before the second date. No celebrating six-month anniversaries because that’s for dummies. No moving in before at least two years of dating—” 

“And if you remember correctly,” Sue cuts in, smoothly, “I kissed you two days before our first date. And serenaded you with a Taylor Swift song at the café on our six-month anniversary.” 

“You did do that,” Emily says, quietly. 

“And as long as we’re on the subject, I hate staying up past 11, or listening to sad girl music in the car, or watching that horrendous show about those two annoying men fake-dating,” Sue tells her, “but — it is my greatest honor that I get to do that for you. And with you. Emily, if you haven’t figured it out already, you’re kinda the exception to every single one of my rules.” 

Sue reads Emily’s answer in the kiss she receives next. 

***** 

The middle, the middle, everything boils down to the middle. It’s what Sue sometimes hears Emily muttering to herself in the middle of the night when she has an assignment due the next day. Sue will blink, look over to the desk where Emily is planted with her nightlight on, hands in her hair. Sometimes Sue will keep blinking slowly, taking in the sight of Emily typing until she falls asleep. Sometimes Emily will notice that she’s up, walk over to the bed, and hum snippets of songs until she’s drifting off again.  

And for all the beauty of the beginning, of first kisses and first dates and first times, there’s something to be said about the fifteenth time Emily plays her something on the ukulele, warning her beforehand that her voice might crack. Or the sixtieth burger she runs across the campus to hand over to Emily when she knows she’s got back-to-back classes scheduled. About the hundredth time she falls into bed, and scooches over, eyes closed, until Emily’s wriggling body is aligned against hers. There’s peace in knowing that a first time will inevitably lead to a second time, and then countless others.  

(There’s peace in knowing the middle lasts the longest)   

***** 

She knows she’s in trouble. Has known she’s in trouble the minute she came out of the store and discovered that there was a pileup on the highway. And then when Lavinia called her panicking because their house-warming slash house party was getting out of control because of a lack of beer and a general overabundance of Austin. And then when her phone died in the middle of her conversation with Emily.  

(So much trouble) 

She’s exhausted by the time she makes it back to her apartment (their apartment , she corrects herself, smiling at the thought) and makes her way up the stairs, hearing the volume of the music increase with every step. Opens the door and is assailed with extremes — the tiny sparkling mirror ball someone’s managed to hook up to the ceiling, the dancing crowd in their living room, and a very loud and weirdly on-point Austin making guitar noises on the karaoke microphone. 

“Lavinia!” Sue calls out in relief, when she catches sight of her. “Where’s Emily?” 

Lavinia excuses herself from a group of frat boys hanging onto her every word and walks over. “Sue! Emily!” 

“Yeah, I know! Tell me where she is!” 

Sue points towards the ceiling, and in the same smooth motion, grabs the crate of beer from her hands. 

Sue’s out of there before the first cry of “Beer” permeates the air. She climbs another two floors, and then the metallic ladder to find Emily sitting there, wrapped in her blanket, glaring up at her. 

“You promised,” she says, flatly. 

Sue drops onto her knees and takes Emily’s cold hands in hers. “I know.” 

“No, you,” Emily repeats, then pauses, looking like she’s struggling, “you promised you were gonna be here, okay? I agreed to the housewarming thing only because you told me there wouldn’t be many people and you’d stay with me the whole time—” 

“—baby....” 

“No, don’t baby me. Let me finish.” Emily waits until Sue nods. “And then you went off to the store.” 

“We ran out of beer,” Sue says, feeling sheepish. 

“I know — I know that, okay?” Emily says. “I know there’s a reason, and probably a valid one but I’m mad, okay? You promised me something and then bailed. That’s not cool.” 

Sue adjusts so she’s properly sitting down right in front of Emily. “I’m sorry,” she says, and means it. “It was inexcusable.” 

Emily sighs, and seems to relax a little. “Okay. Thank you for saying that.” 

Sue nods. “Some party, huh?” she says, after a while. 

Emily smiles a little, then. “Did you see Austin? He was performing the High School Musical songs when I left.” 

She laughs. “When I came in, I think he was doing the guitar riff to Bohemian Rhapsody.” 

“Hey,” Emily says, after they’re done giggling at that. “I never asked. What took you so long? I thought you just went to get beer.” 

“Uh,” Sue says, “I’d rather not tell you.” 

“What? Why not?” 

“Because I don’t wanna charm my way out of you being mad at me.” 

“Oh,” Emily draws the sound out, teasingly. “It can’t possibly be that charming.” 

If she wanted to play it this way, then okay. 

“I stopped at an animal shelter on the way home. There’s a young cat there I thought we could adopt. Consider her a housewarming present.” 

“Oh,” Emily says, then in an undertone. “Damn it.” 

“Charmed?” 

“Ugh, fuck, okay,” Emily admits, then pulls at their joined hands till Sue gets on top of her lap. “I hate you. I love you, but I hate you.” 

Sue kisses her in return, settles in more comfortably. 

“Tell me about her?” Emily asks, softly, in the quiet. 

“Well, she chased the light reflected off my watch round and round so it’s safe to say she’s not the brightest.” 

“I love her already,” Emily assures her. 

***** 

On her eve of her 25th birthday, Sue walks into her apartment and finds Emily, Lavinia and Austin panicking over how to fit the last half of her last name onto limited space on a handmade banner. She says hi to Juggers and Iguana, their two cats, then picks up their two-month-old puppy Rooney, all before one of the three already present humans in the room realizes she’s there. 

“Sue, I’m so sorry,” Emily says, walking over to her and looking at her with a slightly desperate look in her eyes. “We tried baking cake, but it’s half burnt, but we can’t decide what to get and all we have are balloons but then Austin’s going crazy trying to keep Juggers from bursting them, because guess what? The cat is the devil—” 

“—babe—” 

“—no, I tried to make it a good birthday, I really did!” 

She puts her hands on either side of Emily’s face, which forces her to quiet down. Then she looks over at the others.  

“Have you guys been here the entire time I was taking classes?” 

They nod. 

She feels a little overwhelmed. “Guys, I — thank you so much,” she says, then takes stock of the situation. “Can you order pizza? We’ll ring in my birthday with pizza tonight.” 

Lavinia side-hugs her on their way out to the couch, and then they’re alone in the kitchen. She kisses Emily on the forehead, then on both cheeks, trying to drive away the frown. 

“What?” 

“I just wanted you to have a good birthday,” Emily says, despondent. 

“You’re here, aren’t you?” Sue says. “And so are our friends, who sat and worked this hard for hours trying to make me happy. And we’ll have pizza! We like pizza.” 

“You’re just saying that.” 

“No, you idiot” Sue explains, fondly. “I mean it. We’ll have burned cake, and we’ll fight over the pizza, and even if the animals are outnumbered, we’ll probably lose to them. And then we’ll probably watch a movie, and somehow all fall asleep on the carpet because Austin always claims the whole couch. Either way, it’ll be a good birthday, because I’m happy. And you know why I’m happy?” 

Emily’s still pouting. 

“Emily, why am I happy?” 

“Because we’re together,” Emily completes, in a small voice, and then finally, finally smiles. 

(It’s the messiest birthday Sue has ever had. Also the best) 

***** 

Here’s the thing about endings: everyone who writes stories knows they don’t really exist.  

A famous author once said that they weren’t really the end of the story, just where you chose to stop it. Well, Sue agrees. Which is why this story in her head never ends. The imaginary typewriter in her head will keep typing long after, filling pages with anniversaries and birthdays and emergency dog adoptions. Maybe the next page talks about the day Sue breaks her arm, and Emily proposes to her with an onion ring she gets out of the hospital vending machine. Or the day Lavinia loses Rooney, walks around the entire block with Austin to find him and finally discovers he’s hanging out at the old café they used to work at. 

So. Yes. This is where she decides to leave it. Finish it. There will be more stories to write later.

The end. 

(Wink wink. Nudge nudge.) 

[nala-raines]

Chapter 5 History

Tomorrow the five of us are headed to Ludington to do some sightseeing and to see/tell my Aunt Karen that Adrian and I are engaged.

I’m in bed, watching a movie on my laptop, waiting for Adrian to join me when I hear him call to me from the bathroom, “What did you and your family do in Ludington when you were little?”

I take a moment to pause the movie and remember before answering, “We used to sit on the beach and watch the water. I used to play in the waves, even if I didn’t bring my bathing suit.” I pause to laugh and I hear Adrian chuckle. “One year, the four of us took a 2-mile walk so we could get to a lighthouse that was supposedly haunted. Sarah and my mom complained most of the way there, and most of the way back. And we went to a historic village, called WhitePine Village. Old houses, kitchens, toys, and people dressed in 1700’s garb. It was fun, even though Sarah tried to rush through the whole thing, and they had a whole building full of old freaky frickin’ clowns. Oh, and another time my Aunt Karen and her friend took Sarah and I on a sand dune tour. That wasn’t in Ludington, but it was still a lot of fun.”

“So, you’ve always been fascinated by the past.” Adrian comes out of the bathroom leaving the light on and shutting the door but leaving the door slightly ajar to let some light into the room. He knows that I don’t like the dark, especially after waking up in a coffin and being on Feral Island (Demetrius’ Island, but it still works). After he gets in bed with me, he takes the laptop and sets it on his lap so I can lay on his chest before I answer.

“Yeah. From the clothes to the history, I’ve always just been drawn to the past. I used to say that if I was the way I am now, but I lived in 1775, in New York, I would die an old maid.” I tell him jokingly.

“That’s not true. And before you try to argue with me, in case you’ve forgotten, I lived in New York in 1775, and if I had met you, I would’ve followed you home, asked for your father’s blessing, and married you as soon as I could.”

“What about Elenor? When did you meet her?” I ask him teasingly.

“I was friends with Elenor at that time, however, I had no romantic feelings toward her. Like I told you when I gave you this ring, I feel more comfortable with you than I ever did with anyone else. Including Elenor.” I sigh, nuzzling my head against his chest and resume the movie, and I immediately start to fall asleep. “Get some rest, My Love. After all, we will be hitting those spots you mentioned tomorrow.”

“What if it gets sunny? You and I will be okay but the others won’t be.” I say falling asleep.

“I already checked the weather, it will be cloudy, but no rain. If it rains or the clouds break and the sun comes out, we’ll bring a few umbrellas and they can wear a hoodie or a jacket. It won’t kill them.”

“You’re right. Love you. Night.”

“Good night, Love. Sweet dreams.” He kisses my head, as I fall asleep to the sound of his heartbeat, excited to see what tomorrow will bring.

⚜ ⚜ ⚜

I wake up at 7:30 in the morning. I turn to see Adrian looking at me, “Morning, Handsome.” I say as he puts his hand on my cheek, while the other is supporting him. I place my hand on his as he bends down to kiss me, before saying.

“Good morning, Beautiful. How did you sleep?” He says stroking his thumb along my cheek.

“I slept great. How long have you been up?” I ask him. He’s usually up before me, but I always ask, afraid that I may have woken him up somehow.

“Not long. Maybe ten minutes. I like seeing you so peaceful.” He says before kissing my forehead.

“So, you like watching me sleep?” I laugh and he rolls his eyes before chuckling and saying,

“Yes, but not like that. I know that today may be taxing for you, and didn't want to wake you. Besides, I thought that the more you slept the less likely it would be that the jet lag and vertigo would kick in. So, how do you feel?”

“I feel good. Just… happy that I get to wake up and see this handsome face.”

“I feel the same way.” He tells me, he is so sweet and caring towards me.

“Well, there is something I guess…” I say shyly.

“What is it?” Adrian’s face fills with worry, but I just laugh and give him a kiss.

“It’s nothing bad. I was just wondering if I could get up, and take a shower before we go eat and hit the road.”

Adrian breathes a sigh of relief, then kisses me once more,  “Of course. Where do you want to go for breakfast? I know there's a breakfast bar here in the hotel, but is there anywhere else you want to go?” He says as he sits up and walks around the bed, as I get out of bed myself. And he picks up my suitcase and sets it on the other bed in the room.

“Thanks. And no, the hotel breakfast bar is fine. I’ll try not to be too long in the shower.” I say grabbing an outfit out of my suitcase, as Adrian hands me my toiletry bag.

“No, I want you to take your time. I know that hot showers help you relax, and that is part of the reason we’re on this trip.” He stops to think for a moment, “Well at least as relaxing as I can make it.”

“Wow. It’s like you spend half of the time studying me. Is it weird that I think that’s sweet?”

“I don’t think so. I believe that couples should spend some time studying each other. To notice the little things.” He says as he presses a kiss to my temple.  Before I walk to the bathroom, but I leave the door open a little so we can still talk.

“So, what ‘little things’ have you noticed about me?” I ask as I start the water so it has a chance to warm up.

“Well, you bit your lip, when you're nervous or anxious. You play with your necklace or your ring, too. Or you do it absentmindedly. You love using emojis, even though you don’t use them often. And when you’re angry, you get really quiet, and usually write or listen to music to calm down.”

“Wow, you really do pay attention to the little things,” I say from the bathroom, “Ah, crap.”

“What’s wrong?” 

“I left my shampoo and conditioner in the bag. Same with my razor.” I pause before asking, “Could you hand them to me, please?” Talking through a slightly open door while one of us is taking a shower or a bath is still new for us. I wanted to relax and hear about Adrian’s day, so we came up with this compromise. However, this is a new level of comfort with each other, at least on my side.

“Sure. Is the bag on the counter?”

“Yeah.” I answer quietly. I hear him open the door, and a moment later, he hands me the bottles through the curtain. I grab the bottles before saying, “Thanks. At least I didn’t leave them at home.” We both chuckle a little, but I can tell that he knows that something is up.

“You know that I would never disrespect you or make you feel uncomfortable on purpose, right?” He says gently.

“I know. I’m more comfortable with this than I thought I would. And I don’t know if that’s a good thing or bad.” I tell him, putting the shampoo in my hair. Being honest with him is easy and hard at the same time, but I know that at the very least, talking with him can help me sort out how I feel.

“Do you want to be comfortable with this?” He asks.

“If you’re referring to you being in the bathroom, while I’m naked in the shower, then yes. I want to be comfortable, I am comfortable with this. I just…” I pause, “I don’t know, I guess I’m just wondering if the way I’ve changed other the past few months is good or not. Kinda like how you felt right before Jameson grabbed me a few months ago.”

“Oh, yes. I’m here to listen if you want to talk. I want to help you the best I can.”

I’ve rinsed out all the shampoo and conditioner, and move to shut the water off, and then grab a towel off the rack and wrap it around my body before pulling back the curtain and stepping out of the shower. Right in front of Adrian. “You don’t make me uncomfortable, I know that when I draw a line, you respect it. Like right now. I was just raised differently, told to think differently, I even felt differently about this a few years ago. But, I don’t know, after everything that’s happened, I feel better with you around. Does that make any sense at all?”

“Yes, I understand what you are trying to say and I would never intentionally disrespect you. Nala, please let me know if you want to do something different when it comes to us. I know we’ve been through a lot, and that it’s pushed your boundaries, but if there’s something that just you want to do when we’ll do it.”

“I know and I will. The truth is, I like how we are, you respect me, my beliefs, and my boundaries. Like where you are fine with having sex outside of marriage, I’m not okay with that, and you haven’t pushed for it once. Even after we moved in together. I think I feel comfortable because of the respect and trust that we have for each other. Thanks for listening babe.”

“Of course. Now, I’m going to step out so you can finish getting ready.”

“Sounds good.” He steps out of the room with a smile. When I’m done getting ready, Adrian takes his own shower, we meet up with the gang. Eat breakfast and hit the road.

⚜ ⚜ ⚜

You would think that being in a car for two hours with four other people in the car, with no one saying anything, would be awkward, but it's not. It’s kind of comfortable, usually, when it was quiet, we knew something bad was about to happen, or something bad had happened. But this is oddly peaceful until I realized that Adrian had made an odd turn that made the GPS angry. “Hey babe, where are you going?” I ask Adrian.

“Like I said, this trip is meant to be relaxing. I knew that there would be stressful moments, but I want you to relax too. That said, I want to surprise you.”

“I wish you would've told us,” Kamilah said from the back.

Adrian just slightly shakes his head, “Don’t worry I have everything covered.”

I look and see a small grin. Adrian has always loved surprising me with dinner, a trip, gifts, etc. I can tell he’s excited about this one. I just know one thing… I’m taking way too many pictures.

A few minutes later I see a familiar sign. Slightly faded dark green and white paint, WhitePine Village. I feel my eyes widen in shock, and my jaw drops. I look over at Adrian as he parks the car, and he sees my expression. He smiles at me. I look back and forth between the building and Adrian, the excitement rising in my chest. I quickly turn and throw my arms around Adrian’s neck, while shaking with excitement.

“THANK YOU!!! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” I say almost faster than I can comprehend. I quickly grab my purse, open my door, and hop out of the car, before turning back and saying, “Come on, guys! Let’s go!”

Adrian laughs and gets out of the car. Followed by Kamilah, Jax, and Gaius. I grab Adrian’s arm and quickly head to one of the small buildings that was the gift shop/box office.

After Adrian bought everyone’s tickets and I grabbed a map, we started walking the grounds.

I followed the map, just like I did the last time I was here. It felt nostalgic, but better since I was on Adrian’s arm. After taking a quick glance at Kamilah, Jax, and Gaius, I giggle. Remembering a few scenes from Bridgerton, that Adrian and I binged last weekend.

“Is something amusing to you?” Adrian asks, seemingly feeling in the past himself. Although, he’s probably farther back in the past than I am.

“I was just wondering if this is what courting felt like.” I tell him, hugging his arm closer, and tilting my head towards our friends, who are having their own conversation. Close enough to keep an eye on us, but far back enough to give us some privacy.

Adrian smiled, and shook his head slightly, before answering.

“A little bit, but not quite.” We stopped for a moment, looking at the small ‘lake’ in front of us. After a moment, Adrian looked back at me, “I’m glad that the times have changed. That the way people ‘court’ has changed.”

I figured where he was going with this, but I want to have my fun with this too.

“Because back then we would’ve taken chaperoned strolls in the park. Or had iced tea on a porch.” I turned to face him better, looking at his face. He still smiled but he had that ‘oh here we go’ look on his face. Watching dumb movies helps me destress and relax. The movie of choice a few weeks back had been the entire Twilight Saga. We made fun of most of it, insulting people’s choices, how inaccurate the is, and how dumb/concerning the relationships and dynamics between the characters.

“And maybe stolen a kiss or two.”

“Oh, I would’ve stolen far more than that.” He said wrapping his arms around me. I look in his eyes and see love, devotion, humor, and so many emotions that I can’t identify. “Even though I would’ve done everything I could to make sure that we could marry within the first week of meeting you.”

I feel the truth of his words sink in. I lean up and kiss him, and as always, he returns it. Sweet and slow, letting all of our love seep into it. It only lasted a minute. When we pulled away, I rested my head on his chest, looking at the water.

“Hey, Jax. Would you mind taking a few pictures of Adrian and me?” I ask him. Happy and carefree for the first time in a while.

“Of course.” He said walking forward and taking my phone. Aiming the camera at Adrian and I.

“Smile.” Jax said.

Adrian pulls me closer to him as we both smile. But of course, it wasn’t just the one picture.

Adrian turns and kisses my cheek in another.

We stare into each other’s eyes. We kiss sweetly for another. After the impromptu photo shoot, Jax hands me my phone back, and we look over the photos. Each of them is pro-quality (in my opinion).

“These are great Jax, thank you.”

“No problem.” he says with a smile.

We continue through the historical site, enjoying the sights, and Gaius, Kamilah, and Jax poking fun at my fear of clowns.

All too soon, we go back to the car and head to see my Aunt.

‘It’s just my Aunt Karen. It’ll be fine.’

Tag list:

@secretaryunpaid  @txemrn  @obsessedwithdool  @evlyngashfordraines @god-save-the-keen  @adriansbiss @kinda-iconic​ @kingliamandriley

[meli-productions]

Biblically Known

Despite the name, there is no smut...though things do get heated. Day Four of #ineffablehusbandsauweek for @ineffablehusbandsweek​

As always, it can be read on AO3 here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26620054

The soft clicking of heels from behind brought Aziraphale’s attention away from the exhibit and towards the intruder. At the sight of the approaching woman, a smile split his face.

“Antoniette! How lovely to see you again,” he said, meeting her in the middle of the room. “What brings you around this time? Biblical or modern?”

The woman, tall and looming over him with her stilettos, smiled and pulled off her glasses, “Um, I think that this time it’s Biblical - something about a garden?”

Aziraphale hesitated, taking a moment to study the  woman’s gold eyes that shifted under his scrutiny, then his faltered smile returned to full power, “Of course, darling. Was it the Garden of Eden or the Hanging Gardens?”

She snapped, “That’s the one. Hanging Gardens, sounds like fun - I have a garden too so it seemed like a good report to do.”

“Then come along,” said Aziraphale, holding out his arm for her to take. “I have just the resources you need.”

The two spoke amicably as they wandered the halls of the museum - a sight to behold: the plump curator that dressed like a character off The Mummy movies and the femme fatale of a Bond film. They had met one evening when Antoniette Crowley had arrived at the museum with a notebook in hand and bumped into the curator - Aziraphale Fell - in a very literal sense. 

Aziraphale had fussed over the woman, making sure she was okay before asking if there was anything she needed - that he would love to help her as the new curator of the museum. And for her part, Antoniette had blinked up at him for a few minutes, blushed, and asked if he knew anything about the Dead Sea Scrolls. 

When Aziraphale beamed and dragged her down the halls, a new friendship was struck - and a promise of continuing friendship stemmed from their conversation and jaunt through history. So when he sees Antoniette in the museum, Aziraphale knows that he’s in for a good time and a wonderful conversation about history.

“So these Hanging Gardens - they were destroyed, too, huh?” asked Antoniette, looking at the mock up that had been prepared in its little corner of the museum. “Just like the tower, just like Eden itself.”

“Unfortunately,” Aziraphale responded with a sigh. “Pity. One of the wonders they said. It’s a shame to lose something so vivid. Was there anything specific you needed to know about it?”

Antoniette perched her elbow on Aziraphale’s shoulder, “Anything you’ve got for me, angel. I’ll pick and choose the information.”

With the go-ahead of a full professorial lecture, Aziraphale launched into a story head tilted up towards the honey-gold eyes that were watching him with rapt attention.

“How’d the lie go today?”

Antoniette looked down and met the smirk of her partner, Beatrice, with a sharp smile of her own.

“It went perfectly fine, thanks for asking. He doesn’t suspect a thing and I got to hear him mourn the Hanging Gardens of Babylon for almost an hour…we had lunch afterwards.”

Beatrice snickered, “Then got off on those little sounds of his?”

“Shut it, Bea.”

But they continued, “He’s gonna find out one of these days - gonna slip or he’s gonna say something historically inaccurate and you won’t be able to help yourself. One way or another, Toni, your anthropologist smartass will show.” 

She just shook her head, curls flying wild, “Absolutely not. He’s too smart to say something wrong. Besides, I’m not hurting anyone. I just - I just want to get to know him and if he knew who I really was - ”

“He’d fall harder for you?” asked Bea, eyebrow raised questioningly.

“No, he’d get weird - weird academic boner like that hothead Lucius,” said Antoniette. “I don’t want this to end. And I’ll tell him the truth.”

Bea laughed again, “After you two get married? Or when the director finally spots you and calls your bluff - that you’ve been acting like an ignoramus around your own fucking exhibit.”

Antoniette’s face turned as red as her hair, “We have very insightful conversations, Bea. I don’t act like I’m stupid - just not like Professor Crowley, that’s for sure.”

A roll of bright blue eyes met her own, “Whatever, Toni. But if you don’t tell him soon, it’s gonna come out somehow. You’ll see.”

She sighed, “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

A steaming mug of tea thumped down at Aziraphale’s side bringing his head up towards the hand attached to the handle. 

“Ana,” he said, slipping off the glasses hanging on the edge of his nose. “Thank you, dear. It’s just what I needed.”

“What you needed was a break from that book. I know your job is to appraise and reconstruct, but you’ve been on that for three hours.”

“Has it really been that long?”

Ana - Anathema - huffed, “Yes, you workaholic. Honestly, when Toni swings by those are the best days because it gets you away from those damned books.”

He tisked, “There’s no need to offend them - they’ve done nothing wrong. And yes, I do agree - it is a delight when Antoniette is around.”

Aziraphale took a sip and noticed the red-lipped smirk that his youngest coworker wore from over the rim of the mug. He raised an eyebrow in question which set her off in giggles.

“Are you ever gonna tell her that you know she’s acting dumb?”

Another tisk, “She’s not acting dumb, Anathema. Her conversations are very insightful, it’s just that she’s not sharing just how smart she is with me. And no. That’s for her to tell me when the time is right. After all, there must be a reason.”

Anathema scoffed, “Yeah, the reason is that she likes you and thinks that if you can’t help her you won’t be interested in being around her. You know what would encourage her to tell the truth,” she paused for him to question her, “ask her out on a date. An actual date, not those ‘well, since we’re at it we might as well have lunch’ dates. Ask her to dinner, buy her expensive wine, take her home and - ”

“Anathema,” said Aziraphale, blush dusting his cheeks. “Antoniette is a lady, I will not do anything untoward.”

She smirked, “Never said to do anything untoward. And besides, if anyone’s gonna make a move like that it’s gonna be her - not you. She is sin incarnate, isn’t she?”

He sighed, and rubbed his temples when she started laughing, “I regret ever telling you that. Now, are you going to join me for tea or just laugh at my misfortune? Come, tell me about your latest project.”

Wednesday night was always a quiet one at the museum - just a few stragglers that would lazily wander up and down the exhibits and when Aziraphale found himself more often than not alone in the ancient artifacts room.

And usually that’s where Antoniette would find him.

This time, though, she was not in her tight pencil skirt and stilettos, but in baggy sweats that disguised her - even her sunglasses were a cheaper pair she’d picked up from a tourist booth on the way in and yet he still recognised her.

“My dearest, are you alright?” he asked, reaching out for her then stopping a breath away from her elbow. “Is there anything you need?”

She was quiet for a moment, and he wished she would fee; comfortable taking off her glasses, but they remained on, “Just - a distraction, angel. Anything you’ve got.”

Aziraphale frowned at the deadened tone, but he gave her a little smile nonetheless, “I think I’ve got just the thing,” he held his arm out, “It’s okay if you don’t want to - ”

Antoniette grabbed onto it like it was a lifeline, “Let’s see what you have, love.”

He kept a quiet drone about the latest visitors to the museum and the field trip of primary grade students that ran amok in the dinosaur exhibit and though she laughed at the right moment and agreed when she needed to, Aziraphale could tell that she was still distracted. 

“Here we go, dearest,” he said and sat her at his desk. “My newest acquisition: the ‘Bugger Alle’ Bible.”

She gave a little gasp and reached out with long fingers before folding her fingers and glancing up at him, “Gloves?”

With a smile, he handed over his pair and though he knew they’d be too short, they would be enough for her to touch the book. Antoniette stroked the spine with a delicate touch and cracked it open with the care of a mother to her child, Aziraphale shivering at her gentleness. 

“This is in top condition,” she said, breathless. “Did you do the restoration?”

“One of my specialties,” answered Aziraphale, leaning in close and using her fingers to follow the stitching. “Took a few hours - three if my coworker is to be believed - but it’s almost in perfect condition to be displayed.”

Antoniette looked up at him again, glasses slipped down enough for her gold eyes to be seen, “Amazing. This is - stunning work. Delicate - strong - I- ”

Aziraphale cupped her face in his hand, “You don’t have to tell me anything, but I have a feeling that you haven’t eaten - I can order some takeout?”

She leaned into the heat now on her cheek, lips brushing his thumb, “Sounds like a plan - Thai?”

“Whatever you want, dear,” he answered, breathless.

A couple of hours later the two of them had made their way out of the chair and sat on the floor of Aziraphale’s office, leaning against his desk as they passed a bottle of wine between them.

“And ‘s not fair,” said Antoniette, pouting. “That just ‘cus he’s a man he gets my project - top n’m. ‘S like I d’nt even exist.”

“Absolutely,” Aziraphale agreed, “Y’re smart and w’rkd hard f’r that - that project - wanker sh’dnt get an’thin.”

Antoniette shot him a wine-drowsy smile, “Y’re not a wanker though - y’re an - an angel. Pretty, s’ft, smart, gorgeous angel. B’t you d’nt want me - y’like books more.”

He huffed and wobbled closer, hand brushing her cheeks, “My books d’nt look like you, th’r not smart and beautif’l and sweet n’ let me talk th’r ear off. Not like you, Antoniette. My dear, m’ so glad you came into my life - best day ‘f m’ life.”

A whimper escaped wine-red lips as Antoniette turned to his hand, eyes closed, and whispered, “I really want to kiss you r’now.”

Aziraphale chuckled using his finger to sweep over her lips, “Me too, but now while we’re drunk.”

Another whimper from Antoniette as he continued his ministrations down to her chin and then to her throat, the warm press of his calloused thumb bringing goosebumps on her skin. Then he pulled away and she met his half-lidded eyes. They both felt a little more sober, a little more sharper.

“If you want - we can have dinner tomorrow - real dinner,” he said. “And we’ll see how it goes.”

She pouted once again, but nodded, “‘S a date.”

Anathema fussed over Aziraphale, fixing his bowtie and coat and running her fingers through his hair before he pulled her hands away and held them tight against his chest.

“Anathema, dear,” he said, eyes crinkled in mirth. “It’ll be fine. I’ve dressed like this every time we’ve been together - mess or not, she doesn’t seem to mind.”

“Yeah, but it wasn’t a date, Zira,” she said, almost bouncing with joy. “I’m so proud of you, viejito, you’ve got a date with a hot, smart woman and you did that all on your own. Get your woman, mi vida.”

Aziraphale rolled his eyes, but the smile did not waver, “Thank you, Ana, I guess you can say I’m finally an adult.”

A voice clearing behind them made them turn around and were greeted by the sight of a gorgeous, black dress clad Antoniette, red curls pinned to the side. Her smile was tight as her eyes flickered from Anathema to Aziraphale.

“Antoniette, darling,” Aziraphale said, his smile spreading. “Are you ready?”

She nodded, “Of course.”

Anathema pulled out of his grip, “Nice to finally meet you, Antoniette. I’m Anathema, co-worker and babysitter of this old man here.”

The two women shook hands, Antoniette’s smile still tight against her cheeks, before Aziraphale held out his arm for her to take. They bid Anathema their goodbyes and headed out.

“She seems nice,” said Antoniette, fingers tapping against the scratchy fabric of his coat. “Young. Smart.”

“And annoying as nothing else,” Aziraphale said, soothing her fingers with his free hand. “Her Americanisms can be hard to deal with - and her boyfriend has his own hands full with her.”

Antoniette’s fingers stopped as his hand wrapped around them, “Oh. She’s - she’s- ”

“An archeologist, and occultist if you can believe,” he said. “And no one for you to worry about, trust me dearest, you outshine everyone I’ve ever met before.”

She blushed and squeezed his arm, “And you truly are an angel.”

He chuckled in return, “I certainly hope not for long.”

Dinner was a slow-moving affair, Aziraphale savoring every bite and Antoniette enjoying every sound he made, tugging the hem of her dress down her dress as she grew hotter. After dessert and coffee - tea for the curator - Aziraphale offered to move the night to his flat and Antoniette took the offer with an almost embarrassing quickness.

“It’s not much,” he said, opening the door to his flat and ushering her in. 

Books were scattered around, stacked in every corner and packed into bookshelves. There was a cozy messiness about the room that was perfect for him and she smiled at him.

“It’s wonderful, perfect for you,” said Antoniette, curling into the couch. “And the books make so much sense.”

Aziraphale blushed and scratched his neck, “Would you like some wine? I have a nice Burgundy that I’ve been dying to share with the right person.”

“And would that mean me?”

“I think it is.”

“Then pop it open and come join me.”

When he returned with the bottle and glasses, he found Antoniette, glasses off and flipping through the pages of a book. She looked up at him with wide eyes as he handed her a glass and she refused it.

“What’s wrong?”

She closed the book and handed it over, “Interesting choice - have you - did you - ”

The book was a detailed introspection on the Garden of Eden, a book written by Antoniette Crowley, and his eyes crinkled with mirth, “I suspected. I was just honored that you think that I was worth talking to and - you were just as beautiful as you were smart.”

Tossing the book to a side, Antoniette lunged towards him, wrapping her arms around his neck and licking her way into her mouth as he returned the kiss she laid on him. His hands came around her and hoisted her closer, and she moaned against him.

When they pulled apart for air, she laughed as she took in his lipstick covered mouth and he joined her soon after.

“Is it too soon to say that I love you?” she asked, gripping his hair as he began pressing kisses along her neck.

He hummed against her throat, “Only if it’s too soon for me to say that I love you as well.”

Antoniette gave a tug, “I think you brought that wine out too soon,” another moan, “I think I found something tastier.”

“The wine’s waited this long, it can wait longer. Let us indulge in this dessert before turning to the drink.”

She let herself be settled onto his lap as he took a seat, “Sounds tasty.”

[inquartata30]

WIP Whenever Yet Again

tagged by @natsora so you know where the fault lies

tagging @fogsblue @joufancyhuh and @joking611 no obligations

Thaia had only been out of the bedroom for forty seconds. Forty. Forty seconds before the hiss of an object slicing through the air, a crack of impact, multiple thuds too light to be her children hitting the floor, a second of silence, and then:

“Uh-oh.”

More silence.

Thaia had just opened the pantry door in her hunt for a dinner idea. Rubbing the grit of exhaustion from her eyes—or trying to—Thaia looked over at her dad.

Sula, relaxing on the sofa with Aella in her arms, returned the look. “What you need to ask yourself right now is: do you really want to know?”

Thaia closed the pantry door. More chatter floated into the living room.

“Sucks to be you,” said Zahra.

“You were the one who spun her around,” said Anahera.

“She was the one who didn’t let go right away!”

“Personally, I would more than consider it,” Dr. Aridana said, sitting in an armchair and craning her neck to see down the hall.

Thaia briefly threw her hands in the air and went back to her bedroom.

They’d been fighting over Lexi’s pillow again, like they had every day for the past two days their truce over sharing it having lasted for a surprising total of four weeks. Anahera was sitting at the head of the bed and glaring at Zahra. There was a datapad testing on Thaia’s pillow next to her, and an empty space on her other side, where Lexi’s pillow was supposed to be. Carian stood at the far end of the room, near the closet, a hand covering her mouth and tears welled up in her eyes. On the opposite side of the room was Zahra, positioned directly in front of the right set of bookshelves, chin raised and defiant as fuck, Lexi’s pillow clutched tight against her chest. Someone was certainly pleased with her victory.

It wasn’t immediately apparent what had gone wrong, and none of them ventured an explanation of any sort.

For fuck’s sake.

“Is anyone hurt?” No one appeared to be, but she had to ask.

They all shook their heads.

Which didn’t guarantee they were free from injury. There’d been the incident when Anahera had gone two days without saying a fucking word about having whacked her forearm against a planter when she’d tripped and fell while running through a neighbor’s garden. Not until her arm’s mobility was limited did she say something, but made it absolutely clear she was still annoyed that her body hadn’t cooperated in shrugging off an injury. Even then, she had to be prompted by Lexi asking why she was using her left arm less.

On examination, Lexi had discovered a hairline fracture.

So, historically, a child of hers had broken an arm and not said shit about it. Luckily, they had a doctor around, and Thaia mentally checked the Tempest’s schedule for when she could call Lexi in case—

Lexi couldn’t.

A month and more had passed, yet waves still crashed into her without warning, salt washing through deep wounds, scrubbing them raw.

It felt like drowning.

Drowning where she couldn’t move her limbs anymore because she’d spent all her energy trying to stay above the surface, lungs heavy with water as she drifted down—no.

She couldn’t drown.

Thaia concentrated on the kids who needed her now more than ever. The kids she still had to be absolutely certain hadn’t been hurt. “You’re sure?”

More nods.

“Good.” She took a few steps into the room. “Anyone want to tell me what happened?”

“Not really, no,” said Zahra.

Thaia took another step inside and her height gave her a vantage point to see the the results of whatever battle had occurred. The model Destiny Ascension lay in scattered pieces behind Zahra. Each fin was snapped off, two of them shattered, and the main bulk of the ship had rolled to a stop against the bedside table.

Lexi had given her the Ascension, back when they were both in denial. It’d taken Thaia over a year to build because it reminded her too much about the family she’d lost. It seemed oddly appropriate it’d been their kids who’d broken it... somehow. She took a deep breath, surprised that she wasn’t upset. Well, she was annoyed that they’d been fighting again, but not at the possible the demise of the Ascension. Her daughters were more important.

Then Carian burst out, “I didn’t mean to!”

Thaia looked at her in shock, opened her mouth, and then closed it. With the exception of Aella, Carian was the last one Thaia would’ve named as the culprit. Carian loved the models. In addition, she was currently on the opposite side of the room and they hadn’t been playing skyball indoors—Thaia knew exactly what a thrown skyball sounded like, and the sound it made when it hit something other than a person. And there was literally no way it could’ve been biotics because they weren’t old enough for their nervous systems to produce enough of a charge to produce anything more than a faint corona only useful for showing when they were pissed off.

“How?” Thaia let all her incredulity show.

“You aren’t mad?” asked Zahra.

“Irritated that you were fighting again, but not mad about the Ascension. I’ve got glue.”

“I thought daddy gave that to you,” Anahera said quietly.

“She did, but she wouldn’t be...”

Fuck.

“She wouldn’t be mad,” Zahra finished for her.

“No. She’d be scanning you to make sure you were all telling the truth about not being hurt.”

Zahra and Carian both pointedly looked at Anahera.

She held up her hands, like Thaia had done earlier. “It was one time! And it was a hairline fracture!” She huffed and then retaliated by confirming the version of events given by her sisters. “They’re telling the truth. Carian technically did knock it down but Zahra’s the one who applied the physics.”

Thaia looked between Zahra and Carian again. “I’m still stuck on the how.”

Zahra sighed. “We were on the bed and fighting over who got Daddy’s pillow and she wouldn’t let go and I spun her around until she did let go. She’s fine but the omni flew off her wrist and hit the Ascension.”

“When did you get an omni?” Thaia asked Carian.

Carian‘s tears started falling.

Fuck.

Thaia looked at her two oldest. “Go find your granddad and Dr. Aridana and figure out dinner.” She pointed at Zahra. “Leave the pillow.” Anahera leapt off the bed and darted out the door. Zahra scowled, gently set the pillow on the bed, and then followed. The door closed behind them and Thaia scooped Carian up into her arms. At first, Thaia thought it’d be like at the field and Carian would want Lexi and Thaia would be useless. Instead, Carian threw her arms around her neck and buried her face in her shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” she said, muffled but intelligible.

“I’m not mad.” Thaia walked in small circles around the scant amount of open space in the room. She’d done it when Carian was a baby, the movement settling her more than the rocking her older sisters had preferred. It still did, though Thaia could feel dampness left in her shirt from Carian’s tears. She was crying hard enough that snot was a possibility. She’d never quite gotten over her kneejerk squeamishness when it happened.

“It’s just mucus. It isn’t going to hurt you.” A curl of amusement plying at the corner of her lips, Lexi hands Thaia a washcloth.

Thaia accepts it, but now that she’s out of Zahra’s sight, she makes a face. “That doesn’t mean it isn’t gross.”

The best Thaia had ever managed was not outwardly reacting for as long as a child was around to see it.

“Tell you what. If you promise not to glue yourself to anything, you can help me fix the Ascension.”

Carian’s head snapped up, eyes bright through the lingering tears. “Really?” Almost instantly, her chin began quivering again. “But I’m the one who broke it.”

“And when you break things, you’re supposed to fix them if you can. It isn’t our fault that we like to fix things.“

It almost worked. Carian looked down at her hand still firmly grasping Thaia’s shirt. “What about your omni that I took?”

“What do you mean? It’s right here on my wrist.”

She shifted in Thaia’s arms and pointed at the floor in front of the bookshelf. “Over there.”

That somewhat began to explain Zahra’s mention of an omni, though it still didn’t make a whole lot of sense.

Thaia transferred Carian to her other arm and inspected the scene of the crime.

Alerted to its presence, she immediately noticed one of her old omni-tools amongst the wreckage. Then the sequence of events became clear. The omni sized for an adult wrist had been on Carian’s wrist, where she would’ve been lucky if it hadn’t immediately fallen off the moment she moved her arm. When Zahra had let go, physics had launched the too big omni-tool right off Carian’s wrist, turning it into a missile. The Ascension had been an unfortunate bystander, nothing more.

“You’re not in trouble, I promise,” she said gently to her daughter. “However, I’m really curious about why you were wearing it.”

Afflicted by a case of the post-cry hiccups, Carian’s answer took a while to get completely out. “I wanted an omni like you have.”

Well, that was easily dealt with. “We can get you your own. You’re old enough. A children’s one that fits so it won’t accidentally turn into a torpedo.”

“No.” Another hiccup interrupted Carian and she scowled, an adorable scrunch on the bridge of her nose. “I wanted one of yours, so I could... so I could be like you.”

Thaia wasn’t drowning anymore, even with after wave crashed into her, filling her chest with the same rush of love she’d felt when Lexi had carefully passed to her the newly born Carian to hold for the first time. So small she’d hardly been bigger than Thaia’s hand. Now it was all sixteen kilograms and one hundred and five centimeters of her she held as tightly as she dared.

[madibyrd]

TASK #001: THE LAST NORMAL DAY • broken promises

Flight 441 disappeared on October 16th, Friday, but Madi hasn’t heard about it until the following day, well into Saturday. She got home around 6:30am after finishing a 24 hours shift, remembered to send her sister a message that she wouldn’t be able to make it later to their house to lunch, apologizing for it profoundly, and then knocked out and slept a good twelve hours because she was exhausted. It was a long, hard shift, one of the roughest she’s had in months, constant calls through both the day and night with barely a moment to rest, and she needed to refuel herself.

She woke up to an empty house - Talia was off on some conference being awesome -, and a whole bunch of angry messages from her sister along with several missed calls. She wasn’t in the mood to argue with Liz, but she also knew the more she pushed off the call, the angrier her sister would get, so she let out a long breathe, headed to the kitchen to make herself a coffee and called her sister.

“You promised, Madison, you promised you’d come over for lunch and try out Jake’s soup, he was so excited for you to try it.” No hello, no greeting, and Liz even called her Madison. She really was pissed. She turned on the coffee maker to do its magic and then moved to the living room to turn on the news.

“I promised I would try, Liz, that is what I promised. If my shift went okay and I could get some sleep. I didn’t get any, I literally just woke up.”

“You could have set an alarm.”

“And be a useless sack of potatoes when I go over? You know how I am when I don’t get a proper amount of sleep. It was a really hard shift, Liz, I swear, there were several pretty brutal accidents that we were called to, one of them had a whole family... anyway, aside from those, there were two fires as well and two freaking prank calls that lead to nowhere just us in gear going to the furthest of our district when we could have used that time at least to rest. And this was just the night of the shift, don’t even get me started on the rest of the 24 hours. if I could have, I would have made it over there.”

There was a long pause from the other end of the phone.

“No sleep at all?”

“None until I got home,” Madi promised.

A sigh. “Okay, maybe I forgive you, but you’ll still have to make amends with Jake. Starting with trying out his soup. And groveling a little.”

“Give him the phone and I’ll start, but that kid loves me way too much to need that much groveling.” Which really only made it worse, but she even told Liz not to promise anything to her nephew, so if she said anything more than a really weak maybe, it was on her, as far as Madi was concerned. Not that it would stop her from apologizing to Jake, but still.

“He’s out in the garden playing with...” Liz jumped into a long explanation about what Madi’s nephew was doing, but Madi was not listening to any of it, because when she looked up at the tv, all she saw was the flashing headline - “Tragic plane crash - plane still nowhere found”. She quickly turned the volume on and tried to listen, but with Liz in her ears, it wasn’t the easiest of moments. “Liz, sorry to cut you off, but... what is this plane thing they are talking about on the news?”

“Oh, you didn’t hear before? A plane full of people was heading to LA from... not really sure where, some European city, and then it just vanished. Nobody knows what happened or what happened to them, but they didn’t arrive in LA. Everyone’s freaking out.”

“Yeah, I can imagine...”

Madi got her coffee and chatted a little bit longer with her sister, but she wasn’t really there in the head, she kept losing focus to watching the news and trying to figure out what more there is to know about this accident. She didn’t know anyone on the flight, she knew that - Talia would only be flying back home the next day and nobody else she knew or were close to were planning flying anywhere anytime soon - but still, it wouldn’t leave her mind. To the point where after a couple of hours (which included trying to distract herself and talking to her nephew, promising him that she would try his soup soon), she reached for her phone to text her coworker about the flight, that turned into a phone call that turned into the two of them googling if there were any need for volunteers to go and help with the search.

They found a phone number, they called it, and in less than an hour they were already set to fly to LA, from where the boat they would be on would leave. Their boss wasn’t happy about the development, but he also understood the sentiment, and it wasn’t the first time one of his firefighters went off to volunteer somewhere else. They would make it it work.

The harder conversation for Madi was her family - her parents already didn’t like that her profession included running into burning buildings and risking her own life. They’ve accepted it at this point with grumbles and occasional suggestions to other jobs (her mom’s pitches really were ridiculous, “I’ve heard tv reporters got hundreds of thousands of dollars yearly. Madi, my dear, you love talking, don’t you think that would be a fine job for you?”), but they didn’t like the idea of Madi putting herself in other type of danger, even though Madi insisted she wouldn’t actually be in danger. She would be on a boat, she wouldn’t do the actual dive work, she’d just help out whenever she could (technically she didn’t know what her job would be, but if she said that, her parents would imagine her dangling feets above the water on a hook without any safety, and nobody wanted that). They ended the call on “let’s talk about this more tomorrow” and Madi told them she’d call them from LA. They were not happy about it at all.

Her sister was... both more and less understanding. She was mostly annoyed she’d have to tell a 9 years old her auntie would have to disappear for a while and no, he wouldn’t be able to come over or play with her. And then turned on the worried sister mode and made Madi promise that she would be careful and not do anything stupid like jump into the water to save somebody. Madi did promise. Her best friend simply made her promise to bring her some souvenire and told her that she admired her for wanting to do this and then they spent the rest of the call talking about the guy she was seeing and how she got to a whole new level on one of the video games she was playing at the time that Madi didn’t understand but liked listening to her friend talk about it.

The last conversaion, and weirdly the one that she was both the most anxious and not at all about was Talia. She didn’t call her, she just sent a text - neither of them were really the calling type, and they very rarely actually talked, usually just texted.

[Madi]: So, I’m not going to be home for a while... [Talia]: What have you done? [Madi]: I might have volunteered on one of the rescue teams for that flight that disappeared, did you see that? Or were you too wrapped up in your historical facts? [Talia]: Madiiiiii [Madi]: Yes, that’s my name, though I usually use a lot less i’s :P [Talia]: Your desire to act like a hero can be quite annoying sometimes, you know [Talia]: I was looking forward to a chill night on the couch tomorrow, watching some dumb movie [Talia]: But I guess you’ve already decided, right? [Madi]: Yeah, I fly out to LA tomorrow. We’re just missing each other [Talia]: Somebody is gonna write a book about you and they are going to interview me and I will tell them about that time you got home at 3am and spent an entire hour singing itsy bitsy spider on the foot of my bed, crying about how much spiders are misunderstood and mistrusted even though they are the cutest things on the planet [Madi]: HEY! [Talia]: I know, I know, it’s bees [Talia]: And speaking of them, I won’t have to deal with them, right? [Madi]: Nope, I’m gonna check on them before I leave, they can take care of themselves while I’m gone, you don’t have to go anywhere near them [Talia]: You’re amazing [Madi]: Now tell me about your super historical, super nerdy presentation, did it go okay?

They chatted for a little while longer, Madi happily hearing about Talia’s presentation, being so proud of her. She might have not been there to see it, but she was sure Talia rocked it. And they could celebrate when they would be both back in Boston.

It was evening by the time she was done with everything, and she ate some leftovers from the fridge, watched a sitcom episode on Netflix, and then went to bed early. She wasn’t in the mood for anything else, she was excited to help in something so huge and curious what she would have to do, what kind of job she would be trusted upon. The next day she flew to LA with her partner and spent the remaining of her days on the boat, searching and searching for the disappeared plane without any kind of luck before the fateful accident happened and she’d end up on Meridium.

What she didn’t realize on this Saturday night is that these interactions would become the last she had with them. She talked to Talia and her sister during the trip, and she exchanged a couple of LA memes with her best friend, but there was no end, no goodbye, no finality to any of it. Promises, however, of her return that much more. And all of them would be broken the moment she washed ashore on the sandy beach of Meridium.

[the-awkward-outlaw]

A New Adventure - Pt. 4

Motion of Things to Come

Warnings: spoilers

Masterlist

Read on AO3

A week has passed since you found Arthur. He’s adjusted better than you thought to life inside your home. Over the weekend, you even took him to the grocery store for your weekly trip. You told him if it got to be too overwhelming to let you know and you’d leave and come back another day, but he took it very well. He asked a lot of questions that attracted funny glances from a few people, but he seemed fascinated by it.

He was even more fascinated when a guy on a motorcycle zoomed past you on the way home. Despite it being February and still the middle of winter, it was a warm day. Not unusual for Utah. People always take advantage of the warm weather when it comes around. 

You can tell Arthur’s getting stir crazy in your home, being cooped up all the time, spending long hours alone while you’re at work. Sage, your dog, is his only company. You feel bad, but you just can’t risk him getting into trouble. 

It’s Friday afternoon and you decide to take him for a walk in the park where you met him. Since it’s at the foot of a mountain, he’s welcome to explore it. It’s not pretty by any terms, mostly just dead grass and some dried up sage bushes, dormant in the winter, but it’s still outdoors. 

Arthur’s mood picks up quite a lot more than you thought it would as you walk down the street towards the park. You let him hold Sage’s leash (you’ll let her off once you actually hit the park). Arthur doesn’t stare as much as he did when you first met him. 

Despite his frustrations at being cooped up, he’s been sweet and kind to you. You know from playing the game he has a quick temper, but it hasn’t shown. Perhaps he’s trying to keep it down because he knows how much you’re helping him, how much you’ve already helped him. He’s responding extremely well to the antibiotics. 

Once you reach the park, Sage goes running off, barking wildly purely for the fun of it. Arthur watches her with a fond smile. 

You ask him what he watched on Netflix today while you were at work. He’s long since finished that history series you started him off with and has tentatively ventured into more adventurous shows. He recently stumbled into the Planet Earth series and has found it fascinating. You’ve come home the last few days to find him sitting on the couch with his journal in hand, his eyes staring amazed at the animals on the screen. 

He talks about the most recent episode he saw, one documenting the migration patterns of wildebeest in Africa.

After a short period of comfortable silence, Arthur asks you about your job and if you like it. 

“It’s alright,” you say. “I’m just a processor now.” You explain what that is. “But I only have three more months to go before they decide if they want me as an appraiser. I have to take some classes if they say yes and then I can start working from home.” 

Arthur’s eyes brighten when you say that you can work remotely. He’s probably just happy to know he’ll have a companion that can actually talk back. 

When you reach the cave where he came out of, with the funny drawing that ended up being the portal that brought him here, you both stop.

“You ever think of going back?” you ask, fearing the answer.

“Yes,” he says. “But I don’t know if I can. Not unless I wanna die.” When you ask what he’s talking about, he admits that a few days ago, he snuck out of the house and went back to West Elizabeth. Everything was exactly the way it was when he left. His horse was even nibbling on the same patch of grass. However, he said the full effects of his TB slammed into him. It was as though he’d never taken any of the medicine. When he returned here, he was back to healing and he did feel better. 

“Guess that means that unless I wanna die, I’m stayin’ with you,” he finishes. 

Your stomach does a backflip. Of course, you doubt anything will ever happen between the two of you. He probably finds you weird or is just uninterested in you in that way. Not that you blame him. It’s not like anyone’s ever found you attractive, desirable or even remotely interesting. 

“So I guess when it comes to your world, it’s like a Narnia thing,” you say. 

“A what?” he says brusquely. 

“Nevermind,” you say quickly. You’ll show him those types of movies when he’s a bit more familiar with movies that have a lot of CG and thick plots in them. 

You keep walking away from the cave, following the natural trails around the foot of the mountain. Sage looks back on the pair of you every few moments, wagging her tail furiously. 

“Shit,” you say, looking ahead. Further up the trail, you see a pair of female deer grazing. Sage isn’t afraid of deer at all. Most dogs probably would be because of their size, but you’ve lived out here since before she was born and you got her as a puppy. She’s used to deer and she even likes to bark and chase them. One time though, a doe that probably had a fawn hidden close by got mean right back with her and nearly kicked her in the head. It took everything you had to get Sage’s attention and she ran back with a furious deer on her tail. 

Arthur just chuckles. “Ah, I wouldn’t be too worried,” he says. “She’s a smart girl.” 

“Yeah, but she has her stupid moments.” 

As if to prove a point, Sage looks at the deer hard, sniffs and then looks back at you. She trots back to you and then stares hard at the deer again. Then she gives a loud “borf” and the deer look up. Upon spotting you, they leap away into the grass and disappear. 

“See? Smarter than you think,” Arthur chuckles. 

Suddenly your hands bump into each other as you walk. You both pass awkward apologies and “it was my fault,  you’re fine”. However, you can’t help but feel like your hand’s burning where his touched yours. 

The next morning, you take him to the Smith and Edwards Hardware store in the south end of the valley. You love coming here, it has all sorts of odds and ends for decent prices. It’s also definitely a store Arthur would like. There’s hunting gear, camping gear, things for owning and riding horses. And most importantly: clothes fit for a cowboy. 

After first meeting him, you bought him a couple of cheap shirts and jeans, but they were generic and, as mentioned, cheap. You could tell he didn’t like them and was fine wearing his blue button up shirt. 

When you get to the store and go to the shirt section, you spread your arms and say “Mr. Morgan, go find whatever clothes you like and pick to your heart’s desire!” 

“Morgan?” you hear a voice say. Turning around, you find a boy in his early twenties maybe. He’s looking hard at Arthur. “Hey, you do look just like Arthur Morgan! Nice cosplay, man! You’re killing it!” 

He asks Arthur to take a couple of pictures. Since you’ve introduced him to the widespread functions of phones already, he’s not shocked by the camera in the man’s hand. He is shocked that he recognized him, but he graciously takes photos with him with a flabbergasted smile.

When the man thanks him and walks off, Arthur turns to you. “A’right, spill,” he says. 

“What?” you say, trying to sound dumb. 

“How in the hell do so many people know me? You knew my name the second you set eyes on me and so did he. What, am I a historical figure or something?” He scoffs at this thought. 

“Not exactly,” you say. You haven’t brushed up on the game or video games at all in fact. 

“Listen, Arthur, I know it’s not ideal, but I will explain it all when it’s the right time. When you’ve gotten a little more used to… this world, I’ll show you. You might not like it though.” 

He just huffs. “Fine. But at least tell me the general idea of it. I deserve to know that much at least.” 

You really don’t want to do this in a store where other people can hear you, so you tell him you’ll explain it in the car. 

Arthur just shrugs his shoulders and goes around picking out a few shirts and two pairs of jeans. You browse the isles of vintage candy for a moment, stalling to go check out. How in the hell are you going to explain this?

The inevitable comes and soon you’re in the car, driving home with Arthur. He brings the subject up again. 

“Okay, Arthur. There’s something called a video game. Video games are a sort of… type of visual story telling but not like movies. You get to play the main character of the game and kind of experience it as if you were them. Well, a couple years back, a game came out that focused on you after things fell apart in Blackwater for the game. It follows you until…” 

“Until what?” he says in a deep growl. This is clearly not what he was expecting. 

“Well, until you end up… dying.” 

He sighs heavily. “It’s the TB, ain’t it?” 

You nod, deciding not to go into the complications of the four possible endings in the game. “Yeah. Then the game switches perspective to John Marston a few years after. It won a lot of awards and people raved that it changed the industry of video games. It made a lot of waves. Think about it, Arthur. You’re famous!” 

He sighs again and looks out the window. “Famous for dyin’ or bein’ a damn fool, I guess. I think… Dutch has changed, Y/N. When we got back from Guarma, and when we were there too, he just… liked killin’ folk I think.”

You grab his hand and squeeze it reassuringly before you can stop yourself. “I know, Arthur. I’ve played the game. A few times, actually. And I know what happens to Dutch. But you try. You try your hardest to help him see reason and when that doesn’t work to get John and his family out. You’re a good man, Arthur.”

“I’m not, Y/N. You don’t know the things I done.” 

“But I do, Arthur. Obviously not everything, but I know a good chunk of it. I know a lot more than you think, in fact. Now I don’t have a lot of faith in people. Think everyone is out for themselves, more than happy to step on the little people. I’ve been one of them for longer than I care to admit. But trust me when I say I know you and you’re a good man. You may have made some poor decisions, but who hasn’t? We’ve all done things, said things, intentionally hurt people and later regretted it. But you try. You try to do better, to make up for them. Besides, no one’s inherently good or evil. We all have both inside us.” 

He sighs again and looks at you as you stop at a light. His hand flips up to meet yours and you swear you feel him squeeze it. “Thank you, Y/N. I got real lucky when I stepped out of that cave and bumped into you.” 

You’re glad the light turns green so you have an excuse to look away and hide your blush. 

[saiilorstars]

Next Stop, Everywhere

Chapter 15: The Losses and the Gains

Fandom: Doctor Who

Pairing: Female OC x 10th Doctor

(Minerva’s face claim: Victoria Camacho)

~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~

Chapter summary: To help Minerva finally open up about her past, the Doctor takes her to a Guinguette where the trio can relax and give Minerva their full support.

// Story Masterlist //

I couldn't maintain my sobs under a low volume as I stood in front of my big sister's gravestone. I think my eyes were literally water-wells because the amount of water that streamed down from them were ridiculous, but then again...this was Olivia. Liv. My sister...and she was dead.

"Go ahead," the Doctor urged me, gesturing for me to do what we had come to do.

He had brought me to the one place that could potentially pave the way for my 'recuperation': Olivia's burial site. He and Martha stood behind me while I stared endlessly at Liv's tombstone. I don't know how, but I managed to tell Martha the same story I told the Doctor. And to my luck, she didn't reject me either. She was with the Doctor on this one; I had been wronged, not the other way around. But more importantly, forgetting who was right and wrong, they both comforted me and helped me stand where I am now, the one place I had never been to despite all the traveling I did.

When my mother prevented me from attending Olivia's burial, I thought I'd never gather my courage to come on my own later on. Because as time went by, I was sure that it was my fault Liv was in a coffin and buried. I felt like I'd be a hypocrite for coming to mourn her. I felt like she would judge me from above, and if she could, she'd order me to leave her alone. So when the Doctor told me where we were going, I was initially very resistant to it. But he told me that I was wrong, that everything I thought about Liv was just wrong. He said, if I wanted to be okay, I had to come here. I had to start by finally mourning her.

But the question that burned in my head was...would I ever be okay? Would I ever be fine?

I stepped up and knelt down, placing an orange tulip on Liv's tombstone, her favorite flower, "Olivia, it's me...Joyce, like you used to call me, huh? I forgot about that nickname. I seem to have a thousand, honestly. I know I never came here before, but I hope you're not too angry with me. You know how Mom can be. But honestly, I was afraid to come here. I think you're judging me, calling me a hypocrite because it's my fault you're here...buried..." I paused, swallowing very hard, "...but I just want to say, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for everything I said to you. I was just a jealous kid. Mom and dad always prioritized their time for you and work, and I was so jealous..." I shook my head, looking back and realizing just how bad I was to her at times, "...but it wasn't your fault. You were a good sister, even if we weren't very close, you were different from Mom and Dad. You tried to help me when I needed it, even when I was that annoying little sister that bugged you," I smiled a little, wiping some tears off my face, "But just know that...I'm so sorry, please forgive me." That was the last I could say before I burst into sobs.

"C'mon," the Doctor helped me up, keeping me right beside him and holding my hand, "She knows it's not your fault."

"But what if she doesn't? What if she thinks I killed her too?"

"She can't," Martha said, taking my other hand, "She doesn't."

The Doctor agreed, nodding his head, "Olivia Souza is much smarter than that. She would never think her little sister killed her."

"I miss her so much, Doctor, so much," I covered my mouth and muffled more sobs.

"It's okay," he turned and hugged me, "Just mourn her, let go of your guilt."

I felt like an utter child the way I sobbed, but neither he nor Martha reprimanded me for it. Instead, Martha moved over and joined the hug, both gripping me tightly, like one small family.

~0~

"Minerva, you can't keep this up," the Doctor warned as I was brought to the console room by Martha, practically by the hair.

"I want to go back to my room. I need to finish my school work that I still haven't returned," I cried, releasing myself from Martha's grip.

"I doubt the little work you brought with us from the hospital takes you a full week to finish," the Doctor said, getting a sharp look from me, "You've locked yourself in your room doing school work with no breaks. You can't do that!"

"It's not healthy," Martha said softly, "You've got to talk to us."

"What I need to do is get back to work," I snapped, "I need to be forgiven."

"Olivia has-"

"She's not the one I'm talking about," I cut the Doctor off, "I should've told you this but then again I thought you would've realized it too. I bury myself in work so that I can forget. Liv will never forgive me as well as my mother, but maybe, maybe my grandmother will. But I just need to work hard," I swallowed hard, another round of tears making its way to my eyes, "I need to work."

"Minerva that's not healthy," Martha repeated, much more concerned, "Self blame, withdrawing, anger is part of psychological tr-"

"It's MY FAULT!" I shouted at her, making her jump, "It's my fault, and I have to make up for it," I turned and hurried off for my room.

"Minerva!" the Doctor called, following after me, "Minerva!"

"Leave me alone! I don't want to do it anymore!"

"Do what?" he caught up in one, two and turned me around.

I looked up with glossy eyes, taking everything I had not to cry anything, not in front of him, "This," I gestured to us, "I can't..."

"I'm not following," he eyed me with confusion.

"I don't want to cry in front of you anymore," I confessed, "I feel like I could re-fill the river Thames we drained up with Donna after all the crying I've done. It embarrasses me that you've seen me like this. You weren't supposed to. I was just supposed to tell you what happened to Liv and then move on like I did with Jackie and Mickey. But you make me go in depth and tel you everything and I makes me cry," I quickly rubbed off said tears, "I wanna talk to you but I don't want to cry anymore."

"We can work with that," he declared, looking like an idea had just sparked in his head, "We'll talk, and I know just the place. A lively place where the only thing you can do is smile, laugh, eat, or dance. Or all of the above!"

"I'm not up for any of that, Doctor," I shook my head.

"Go to the wardrobe and dress for 1848."

" I don't-"

"I know you love playing dress up in that room so go and pick out a dress or I will go in myself and take out the first thing I see and I guarantee you will not like it so go," he pointed ahead, acting so authoritative it was actually kind of amusing I just had to smile a little, "Heeey, you're smiling!'

"I don't know how you do that," I shook my head.

"It's a gift," he shrugged and turned me for the wardrobe room, "Now go."

"But I don't want to-"

"Yes, you do, now go!"

"But what about Martha?"

"Oh yes! Go get her too! 1848, remember that."

"Where are we going?"

He grinned deviously, "My secret."

"But-"

"Just go or I'll choose the dress, and trust me-"

"I don't want that to happen, yeah," I rolled my eyes and started for Martha, "I got it.

Whatever this Martian had in mind, I was so not in the mood for it.

~0~

"There, you look pretty," Martha complemented, pushing part of my hair over my shoulder and moving aside to allow me to see myself in the mirror.

As much as I hated the idea of going somewhere, the Doctor was right, I did love playing dress up with the wardrobe room. The fact there were clothes from all types of historical periods fascinated me! At times, the Doctor would often be searching for me only to find me lounging around, picking out clothes I would wear on our next trips. Though because this was a sudden trip, an unexpected one, I wasn't entirely sure what to wear - that the fact that my head couldn't deal with such petty things. But Martha stepped in, and she took care of it, as usual.

Right now, I wore an ankle-length, midnight blue dress of organza silk. Its long-sleeves were laced up and reached to my wrists. The dress was in a v-neckline manner and the bodice area was black and laced up as well; the same type of black lace outlined the the dress' hemline. The skirt was in a tulle style with many flounce layers to expand and make the dress wider as it would belong to the 1840s. My hair cascaded down with only two twists on either side of my hair, held up with black pins.

"Do you think it needs earrings?" Martha asked, now checking herself in the mirror.

She wore an elegant, deep red dress. It was another long-sleeve, with a red and black pattern adorning her arms and, bodice area, and skirt. It was a straight across neckline style with a small, black necklace falling above it. Along the hemlines was a shiny, black silk laced pattern. Her hair was picked up and even curled at the end. She looked stunning!

"Whatever you do, Martha, you'll look great," I shrugged, watching her choosing between two pairs of black earrings, "But I think the people in that time didn't really care about them."

"Yeah, or didn't know what they were," she chuckled and set the boxes down, "Change my mind, I don't want any."

"Then I suppose it's time to go," I sighed and walked for the doors.

"You're not so happy with this mysterious trip, are you?" she crossed her arms.

"I'm afraid," I opened the doors.

"You shouldn't be. Your sister forgave you, I mean, she probably knows it really wasn't your fault, but-"

"I'm afraid I'll let the Doctor down," I corrected, cutting her off midway.

"Of what?"

"He's gonna expect some big, miraculous recovery of a pain that's lasted for over three years, plus the pain before Olivia's death. He's going to want to see me get over it by the time we return and...and I can't do that, Martha," I shook my head, shutting my eyes as I felt a bit of water rushing up to them, "I can't."

"Hey, hey," she walked over, putting a hand on my shoulder, "He doesn't expect that from you. Neither of us expect that from you. Don't feel pressurized, please. What he expects, what we both expect, is for you to confide in one of us, both of us if you like, so that you can finally breathe a little. I'm no psychologist, barely a Doctor," she paused and we both smiled, "But I know it can't be good for someone to keep such a trauma bottled up, especially if that kid already had problems with her family to begin with."

"I'm no kid," I argued weakly, smiling.

"No, you're not," she smiled back and opened the door for us and we started walking towards the console room, "You're pretty grown up."

"Yeah..."

"I mean, you take care of yourself on your own, that includes education and personal needs without bothering anyone else. You're really mature and grown up," she shrugged, "Never seen anyone like you."

"Thanks."

"And sometimes, you're even more grown up than the Doctor," she whispered, though our laughter was loud.

"Is that a laughter I heard?" the Doctor called, working on the console; more like breaking things as usual, "From Minerva?"

"It's not out of this world," I mock-glared.

"After a week, I think it is," he walked over, stopping to study us both.

"Oh here we go," Martha rolled her eyes, "Fashion criticism time. Alright, give us your worst."

He rolled his eyes at her and shook his head, "You look like red wine."

"I can't tell if that's an insult or not, can you?" she glanced at me.

"Red wine is usually elegant," I offered, shrugging.

"Oh, I'm elegant," she considered it for a while more, "Okay, I'll take it. And what you got for her?" she nodded to me, "Smurf?"

"Oi," I frowned for a second and made her laugh, "You picked this one out. Were you trying to make me look bad?" she playfully rolled her eyes while shaking her head.

"You look...beautiful," the Doctor remarked, looking me over.

"Mmm, I get red wine and she gets 'beautiful', I got you alien," she narrowed her eyes as if warning him, "I got you."

"Martha stop," he ordered lightly, "You really do look beautiful though," he smiled at me and suddenly I had an actual blush warming up my face, "How are you feeling?"

"Um..." I cleared my throat, hoping his oblivion would actually work to my favor at the moment while my blush disappeared, "...just..." I shrugged, no answer for that question, and I wondered when exactly I would be able to answer it.

"Well, I was hoping this place could kind of cheer you up," he sighed, looking at me for another moment, only enforcing the dang blush, "Hopefully I'll manage to do that."

~0~

We stepped out all together, my eyes covered by the Doctor's hands yet Martha freely looking around. It only made me squirm even more when I heard her gasp and 'awe'. As bad as I felt, my curiosity always won over.

"Can I please see, now?" I asked for the third time in the one minute we'd been here.

"Oh, seems like I'm doing well so far," I could almost hear the Doctor's cocky grin with that remark.

"It's only because you're covering my eyes and therefore my curiosity will obviously rise," I clarified, "Now can I please see?"

"You're gonna love it, Minerva," Martha assured, though sounding distracted as she probably was still looking around.

"One...two...three," the Doctor took his hands off my eyes and allowed me to see what was so 'great' that made my friend gasp and awe.

I blinked, looking around as the sun partially covered up my vision. It was very beautiful, I'll admit first. There were bright, green vines covering buildings and trees, and...tree-houses? There were people inside those 'tree houses'! Others were inside the main building where the laughter and clattering of dishes alerted us it was another restaurant building. But there were tables set down on the ground, adults chattering while children scurried around. There were small games set around, different pairs playing them while others opted for horse rides around the establishment. I think I even saw an elegant swing set behind the several trees and besides the building.

"Where are we?" was all I could say at the sight, eyes quickly scanning one thing and another.

"Le Plessis-Robinson," the Doctor answered, "A guinguette, mind you. Opened in 1848 and was a hit for several years."

"Those are tree houses," I pointed up.

Wrong," he moved beside me, hands behind his back, "Those are private places to have a nice meal with friends and family."

"But that's incredible," Martha gawked, "Oh I am so riding a horse," she quickly glanced at me, "After we talk of course, you first."

"Don't let me hold you back, Martha," I said, "Go on if you'd like that."

"No, I mean it. Look, I get why you told the Doctor about your sister, but you had no obligation to tell me. And yet, you did. It makes me think I'm becoming a part of your friendship, and I'm so thankful."

"Well, before we cry for unnecessary reasons," the Doctor began and took each of our hands into his. "Why don't we begin on this trip's purpose?" he glanced at me and moved aside, leaving me in between them. "The whole point is for you to talk."

"But I don't want to cry-"

"And that's the beauty of this place," he gestured ahead of us, "It's one big distraction! Anytime you feel like you're going to cry and you don't want to, just stop talking and we'll do something else, anything you want. Then, when you feel confident to continue, start talking again and we'll listen."

I looked at him oddly, "So this is like a hit-play-and-pause-button thing?"

"Yup!" he grinned excitedly, "And I'm with Martha on the horse riding. I had a horse once, his name was Arthur, remember I told you about him?" I nodded, recalling he had left said horse with Madame de Pompadour, "Maybe we can hit that pause button and go horse riding."

"I've never ridden a horse in my life," I informed then smiled at my friend's excitement with the horses, "But I suppose I could watch you."

"Excellent!"

"But it could take hours for me to finish," I admitted, "I've never really unleashed everything and I since don't want to cry it'll take even more to finish."

"Then it'll take more to finish and that's that," he gripped my hand, "We're here for you and anytime you want to start then start. Don't mind us."

I looked between them, their encouraging faces willing me to begin as soon as possible. They had such faith that I'd start telling and feel better about it, and truthfully, I wanted to feel better...and I wanted to tell them everything. So I would.

~0~

We walked around the guinguette, just taking a look at what was around and what we'd be doing when I 'paused'.

"I was born on October 31st, 1990," I began, "To Sophia Souza Lozano and Nicolas Souza Lane. I'm the youngest of two, my sister being...seven years older than me. We were a small family, well," I shook my head, "If you can really call us a family. Ever since I could remember, I've been below my sister in everything. My parents love me, at least I hope they do, but it was always clear they had a preference for Liv."

"Why do you say that?" Martha asked, eyeing the Doctor as if they were both agreeing to be cautious in case I had a mini-episode.

"My parents are amazing lawyers, they're just brilliant at what they do and they love it. They built this law-firm that they run and they wanted Liv and I to follow in their footsteps. Liv always had a knack for it and so she was on board the moment she knew of my parents plans for us. But me...not so much. And I suppose that's the first error I committed that got me cast off as the inferior daughter. But even before that, I was never given a proper chance to be a good daughter. It's made me think why would they bring in a child into the world if they were gonna hate it."

"Don't say that," the Doctor frowned, "Beneath all the cruelty there has to be some love from your parents."

"Yeah well let me know if you find it," I sighed, "You know, there are tons of photo albums from Liv's childhood, starting with her first ultrasound picture. I don't even have that. There are no pictures of me until I was about one, one and a half maybe. I was never even given a chance," I stopped walking, feeling the wave of tears begin to rise, "I can't..."

"And it's okay, hit pause," the Doctor said softly, "C'mon, let's go play a game or something."

I nodded and let them lead me off to play some game, hoping I would calm soon enough.

~0~

"I'll get it," Martha exclaimed, throwing a ring at the columns of bottles. The ring went over and fell on the ground, "Aw, never mind. I quit."

"Martha, you do it like this," the Doctor took one of her rings and threw it...only for it to hit a bottle and drop to the ground.

Martha scoffed, "Yeah, I think I'll try that...never."

He rolled his eyes and took another ring from her then handed it to me, "Why don't you try, Minerva?"

"I don't know, I feel like I should just watch you two instead," I shrugged.

"Oh you just like seeing us lose," Martha shook her head, "Try one."

I sighed and took the ring, well this was the point of a 'pause', "Okay."

"I'll go get some more," Martha quickly jumped on the opportunity to enhance the distraction and ran off.

I aimed for a certain bottle and suddenly stopped, silently contemplating, "You know, my mother kept her pregnancy a secret from my family," came out instead.

"Excuse me?" the poor Doctor questioned, having to stop and see the pause button had lifted.

"When my Mom was pregnant with me, she didn't tell anyone. My grandmother said one day she just stopped by with a one year old toddler in her arms, Olivia just eight years old. She didn't tell anyone she was pregnant, except my father. Why did she do that?" For once, I had left the Martian speechless. I sighed and set down the ring, walking away from the stand.

"Minerva, hold on," the Doctor called, quickly catching up.

"Was she thinking of abortion?" I turned to him, "What mother does that?"

"We may never know what ran through her head but the point is, she didn't. She kept you and because of her there's a beautiful, intelligent, young woman traveling with me."

"No thanks to her, she only birthed me. The person I am today, personality-wise, is because of my grandparents. I practically raised myself with the help of them."

"Thank god, no offense," he quickly retracted from any bad ways it could've been taken, "I don't want you to be like your mother. You're definitely not."

"Do you think my mom ever regretted not aborting?"

Next thing I knew, his finger was over my lips, "That question will never be asked again, understand?" he raised a serious eyebrow, "If there's one good thing she's done is give birth to you."

"Birth? What birth?" Martha returned to us, new rings on her wrists, "What happened to the game?"

"I hit the play button," I replied.

"Apparently, good old Sophia hid her pregnancy from her family, not revealing Minerva until she was one," the Doctor explained, gritting his teeth.

Martha looked horrified, "Oh my god," she looked at me, "Your mom has serious issues."

"Funny, that's what she told me," I shrugged, "She always said there was something different about me, something she didn't like."

"And what could that be?"

"She didn't ever tell me...but she said I could cause lots of pain. And that she wouldn't allow me to hurt anyone."

"That sounds ridiculous," Martha shook her head.

"No, that sounds like a paranoid human," the Doctor corrected, looking like he was thinking of something.

"As ridiculous or paranoid it may sound, she was right. I did hurt someone, Liv."

"No you didn't," they both said, stepping closer to me.

"Look, Olivia was old enough to make her own decisions," Martha began.

"And she chose to drive in a state she shouldn't have," the Doctor continued, "Lots of people tend to do that and it's no one's fault but theirs."

"She could've walked," Martha reminded.

"Or better yet, she could've stayed and worked things out with you," the Doctor reached for my hand, Martha doing the same.

"But she didn't," she sighed.

"And what happened after that was not your fault."

"And we're sure she knows that."

"But that's not what my Mom thinks, what most of my family thinks," I reminded, "Tell me, how do you get rid of an idea that's been implanted in your head for four years?"

"Because it's not, and deep down you know it," the Doctor answered, "But also, deep down, you think of your blame and accept that it because you think, if you accept that fault then your mother would forgive you. But it doesn't work like that, Minerva. Primarily because it's not your fault."

"That's not the only guilt I carry," I admitted, "Olivia's death was just the beginning of the guilt, then when I left home..." I shook my head, blinking rapidly the tears away, "Let's go play some more," I quickly walked off, hearing them right behind.

The dead couldn't forgive me, but could a sweet, old lady?

~0~

"Oh, look at that," Martha walked ahead of us, gesturing to the one swing set we'd seen earlier, "Isn't it pretty?"

There was one swing, with a wooden seat that I'm sure wasn't comfortable unless you worse a dress with layers like Martha and I wore. Beautiful vines covered the chains and poles, a few pink roses sprouting as well.

Martha plopped down, giving a few small pushes with her feet, "Eh, it's more for show," she crinkled her face as the chains creaked, "Oh! Why don't we do the horse rides? In sure that'll put you in a good mood," she stood up.

"I'm not sure," I said, "The idea scares me."

"We could always eat first," the Doctor suggested.

"How about I just sit on that swing for a while?" I pointed, the beautiful swing just taunting me to come over.

"Okay," she moved aside and I walked over, sitting down and putting my hands around the chains, "I feel like a princess," I admitted sheepishly.

"And I bet the horses would make you feel even more like a princess," Martha edged on for the horse rides, "Cinderella?"

"First of all, not blonde," I reminded, gesturing to my brunette hair over my shoulder, "And no blue eyes."

"Can't we just try to ride?" she looked between the Doctor and I, looking so hopeful we would say yes.

"Go see how it works," I sighed, "And we'll ride them."

"Oh thank you!" she rushed over and hugged me, running off towards the horses.

"Way to stick to the subject!" the Doctor called after her, shaking his head.

"Oh leave her," I smiled after our friends, "She came to time travel not to hear some girl's life story."

"It's a story we want to hear," he assured.

I sighed and gently pushed myself, "My grandparents used to take me to this park and I always had to go on the swings."

"Yeah?" he leaned against the pole.

"But I wanted to be a 'big girl' and push myself," I smiled, recalling the taunts my grandfather used to do to get me to push myself when I got lazy.

"I bet you were a sassy and argumentative five year old," he smirked.

"You'd be shocked to know I wasn't. When you grow up isolated, it's sort of impossible to be sassy on your own."

"How lonely was your childhood?" he asked, now serious.

"I felt like my real parents were my grandparents. I had a big, big house, with all the toys a kid could want and yet I was the loneliest. My grandma taught me how to cook, how to sew, how to read, how to be kind, be respectful, be caring...my grandpa taught me how to ride a bike, skates, how to sing songs with him. He loved to have little duets with me. They taught me basically everything I know. They were my parents. Mine wouldn't even greet me in the mornings. I was lucky to eat dinner with them, their work consumed most of their day and Olivia was too old to play with me. I had two or three friends out there but a kid wants their parents with them, you know. I wanted my mom and dad, but they were never there."

"When you said your parents wanted you to be a lawyer..." he trailed off, cautiously pausing to see how I'd react.

"Clearly, I was never close to my family, and when I told my mom I didn't want to be a lawyer, things got worse. She yelled so much that day I wondered how she didn't lose her voice. This was before I was thirteen, but it didn't matter. I suppose I let her down."

"Hey, if you didn't want to follow in their footsteps then it's okay. No one can tell to what you're working in. No one gets to choose your profession."

"After that day, my isolation increased," I sighed, looking down, the lonely night when I was afraid of the monsters in the closet, "And then Olivia died...that was the last straw for my parents and me. I...emancipated myself."

"What?" he stood away from the pole, shocked.

I swallowed hard, keeping my eyes focused on the ground, I didn't want to cry yet, "The reason my school work didn't have any mention of my parents is because they're not legally responsible for me. I filed for emancipation two months after my 14th birthday."

"Minerva," he whispered, his footsteps following after wards, appearing in front of me, bent down to my seating level, "You what?"

"I couldn't take it anymore, Doctor," I shut my eyes, "I was just done. I wanted to get the hell out of the house."

"But you could've gone to live with your grandparents-"

"My grandfather had died and I wouldn't become my grandmother's burden." A tear started strolling down my face, but I still wanted to continue, "Such a sweet woman didn't deserve it. Oh god, she was so upset when she heard of the emancipation. She begged me to stay with her but I couldn't. And I didn't...and I disappointed her. To this day, I don't think she forgave me either. That's why I work hard on everything I do, so hard so that one day I can go and visit her and make her proud of me. Olivia's dead and I'll never forgive myself for it but my grandmother is still alive and I can still earn hers. I could still have a chance. I want to make her proud of me...but maybe it's too late."

"It's never too late," he smiled softly, taking out a cloth from his pocket and pressing it to my cheek, drying it clean from tears, "I don't think she cares about forgiveness. I think she just wants to see her granddaughter."

"Do you think?" I sniffled, slowly able to look at him.

"From the little I've talked to her, I know that's what she wants. She just wants her granddaughter to come back, to answer her calls. And when you do go back, I know she'll be so proud of you. You've done the impossible. You saved the world, what other granddaughter has done that?"

"That was you."

"I didn't do it alone so don't sell yourself short. You've made her proud countless times now. You've done good, Minerva, and it's about time you realize it."

I exhaled in a shaky manner, dropping from my swing to him for a hug, "Pause!" And I started to cry nonetheless.

~0~

" So you...emancipated yourself?" Martha blinked, her eyes so wide I thought they'd just pop out her head.

We had caught her up as soon as she returned, wanting all of us to be on the same page. We had moved to go eat lunch, up on a tree. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. It was like a tree-house, but very sturdy and large, and not at all wobbling or creaking. The same, beautiful vines were wrapped around the wooden poles and roof. There was a wooden table, where Martha, the Doctor and I sat, a whole course meal set in front of us. Everything was just...amazing, too bad we had visited under these circumstances.

"Martha, she hasn't hit play," the Doctor reminded her, taking a sip of his drink.

"Oops, sorry!" she exclaimed, alarmed she'd pushed me too far.

"Play," I said calmly, feeling like this was becoming oddly easy as the day went by.

"Are you sure?" the Doctor asked.

"Yeah," I nodded, taking a deep breath, "I'm ready."

"So, um, emancipation..." Martha fiddled with her food, trying to act like her curiosity wasn't getting the best of her, "...how did you do it?" Her eyes widened again at the thought.

"With a lot of evidence," I replied, "I was fourteen, legal age to file, and my parents didn't care very much. They thought I was only joking but by the time things were too far it was too late."

"But don't your parents have to, like, authorize?"

"I presented everything that showed what a life I lived and the judge was even surprised. I proved I could handle myself, I was intelligent back then too," I caused both to smile, "And I'd have a steady job for a while. I'd work with my uncle, he's a photographer and traveled around the worlds."

"Is that where you got your adventurous spirit?" the Doctor asked.

"In a sense, yeah," I nodded, "He's my mother's brother, and completely opposites. Along with my grandparents, he believed in me. He understood me. My mom and him had the same argument over what he should be when they were young. He was just like me."

"What do you wanna become?" he asked.

I thought about it and resulted with an unknown answer, and I was embarrassed to admit it so I moved on like it was never even asked, "My uncle, Aaron, was the first to know about my plans for emancipation and...he helped me."

"He helped you?" both friends repeated with surprise, but I understood very well; it wasn't common for a mother's brother to help their niece file for emancipation against his sister and brother-in-law.''

"He's the one that helped me find a lawyer; apparently Greyson owed him a favor, good lawyer," I leaned back on my chair, "Together, we worked for my freedom. And Uncle Aaron even helped me the first couple of months after I was emancipated by bringing me along on his trips as an assistant. We both loved to travel so much, I suppose it's what bonded us."

"And where's your uncle now?" the Doctor questioned, "Do you speak to him?"

"Not really," I shook my head, "I don't have his number anymore. But if I could, I would speak to him."

"So we got a good uncle, grandmother, grandfather," Martha counted on her fingers, "So why don't you call any of them?"

"Because I can't, Martha. Every time I hear my grandmother's voice I think of how much I made her suffer. I can hear her begging in my head not to leave and I can't get rid of it."

"But you want to go back, don't you? You want to see her again if not you wouldn't 'work so hard'," the Doctor said, "You plan on returning."

"Maybe, one day," I shrugged, thinking of the day I would finally gather all my courage and visit my grandmother, "But I have to work more. She has to see how much I've accomplished. I want to make her proud of me and earn her forgiveness."

"You do," Martha nodded, the Doctor agreeing as well, "It's amazing how much you've done and not even realize it, Minerva. That's what I like about you, you don't show off in the least."

"Thanks, but I don't think it's enough. Besides, I can't just go blabbing about traveling in time to her. She's old and she wouldn't be able to handle something like that."

"Oi, give her some credit," the Doctor scolded lightly, "I think to handle losing two granddaughters, one for four years and still remains alive has been a lot."

"Yeah..." I contemplated his words, wondering how much pain I put my grandmother through. God, I hoped she'd forgive me one day, "...I can't...I just can't..." I looked at the table, seeing our fruit was still missing and feeling more tears come through, I quickly stood up, "...you know what, there's still some fruit we haven't got, I'll go get some." And I scurried off, or at least I tried to.

"Oh no you don't!" the Doctor called, his sounds of footsteps coming closer and closer down the stairs.

"Catch her!" Martha called, peering down from above.

"Thanks for the help, Martha!"

"Oi, I've got heels and a dress!"

"Got you," the Doctor spun me around midway through the spiral stairs, "Come on, Minerva. The whole point is to talk, not to run away."

"I'm sorry," I looked away, ashamed of my action, "It's just...too much..."

He nodded, "I know, and I'm very proud you're taking the step to talk us."

"I'm glad I made one person proud..."

"Stop it, just stop it," he ordered seriously, "You've got to stop putting so much blame on yourself! You've been tortured enough all your life and you won't continue to do it while you're with us. No more."

I looked at him and I couldn't help chuckle a little, albeit bitterly, "You thought I was such a 'beautiful complexion' when in reality I'm nothing but an ugly, horrible mess. Look at me," I let my arms fall beside me, frustrated with my life.

"Oh, don't say that," he put a hand on my cheek, rubbing away loose tears with his thumb, "I don't take back my words. I see a complexion, a much more complex complexion," he made a face that was able to get a faint smile from me, and in return he smiled as well. "But beautiful nonetheless..."

"Face it Doctor, I'm not the innocent girl you met. I'm not a good person."

"I could say the same for you, I'm no innocent man either," he shook his head, taking his hand off me.

"But what you did was without choice," I reminded, disliking the pain in his eyes when he spoke of that moment. He was very right, it was the same pain in my eyes, only his was enhanced with the thousands of people that died. And I hated it, I hated how tortured he looked, "I look at you and I just see the Doctor, someone who's always there when people need his help."

"Really?" he raised an eyebrow, seeming in doubt.

"Oh yeah, I see the ridiculous, banana-loving, alien that I time travel with."

He smiled, "Really? That's good, that's very good," he seemed so excited I actually laughed, "And that's even better," he pointed.

"Oi! You two?" Martha's voice made us look up, the woman looking down at us rather impatiently, "Are we going to have lunch or stand on the stairs?"

"Well?" the Doctor looked at me, gesturing the way back up, "That chicken smelled really good you know."

"And pasta, I love pasta," I nodded, taking hold of his hand, "Did you do that on purpose?" I questioned as we started back up, me holding a piece of my dress so I wouldn't trip.

"Maybe. Psychic paper does wonders for us."

"I thank you for your consideration in me, it means a lot."

"There you are," Martha walked over to us as soon as stepped onto the shack, "Are you okay?" she looked at me.

I sighed, looking at the table to avoid the answer of the question, "So how's about that lunch?"

"Definitely," she nodded, understanding I just couldn't answer to that yet, and returned to her seat as did we, "So, I was thinking we could maybe find your uncle," she said slowly, and rather casually, "If that's okay with you."

"I think it'd be a good idea," the Doctor agreed.

"I...I guess I wouldn't mind," I considered it, knowing Uncle Aaron would have so many stories of his own adventures to tell me if we spoke again, "Yeah, I definitely wouldn't mind."

"Excellent!" the Doctor grinned with so much excitement at the answer, "And your grandmother?"

"I don't know..." I shook my head, "...I don't feel ready."

"Well, regarding the promise I made to Jackie, I'm going to tweak it."

"How so?"

"I'm bringing you home," he nodded, chuckling at my deep frown I immediately gave. Had he not heard everything? I didn't want to go home! "I'm bringing you to your real home, with your grandmother. That's where you'd be more happy."

"I'm not ready, Doctor," I said quietly.

"But you will be," he said with so much assurance I almost believed him.

"There's no pressure though," Martha said, "But I'm with the Doctor on this one, you definitely will be ready."

"Maybe..." I shrugged, smiling sadly, knowing that day was just too far away.

~0~

"Olivia was a good sister, we weren't as close as I wanted us to be, but...she was different from my parents," I explained as the Doctor and I took a walk around the guinguette's outskirts, our arms linked with each other.

"Minerva, who is Olivia?" he asked, encouraging me to talk more about her.

"Olivia Sophia Souza was this amazing, perfect woman that ever walked the earth," I smiled at the memory of my sister, "She was beautiful. And I'm talking like super-model beautiful. She was blonde, tall, icy blue eyes," I chuckled a little, "They say she was the splitting image of my mother when she was young. My mom was blonde back in her day, though she dyed it brown for some reason, but other than that, same blue eyes and figure. She truly was my mom's daughter. Me, I was the odd one."

"Now why do you say that?" he frowned, "You're beautiful too, and with jade eyes!"

I smiled, "Both my parents have blue eyes and so did Olivia. I got my green eyes from my grandmother, but that's all I got. I look nothing like them, much less act like them," I paused, sighing, "Olivia had the aspiration to be a lawyer. She wanted to be one, independent from my parents feelings. She had their support from the start. She was perfect, Doctor. She got good grades, did sports, knew how to talk to people and how to help-"

"You know how to do all that too," he pointed, "You're intelligent, you've beat me at several sports-"

"Yeah but you suck at them anyways," I cut him off.

"Oi!" he pouted, "I'm not that bad."

"Let's not go into that," I patted his arm.

He sighed, still sounding annoyed but let it go, "Anyways, Olivia?"

"Oh, are we talking about her now?" Martha walked over, "Mind if I join?"

"Please," the Doctor gestured for her to move beside me, "Minerva's belittling herself and it's quite frustrating."

"I'm not be-"

"Shush it," he pointed again, "Martha?"

"Stop belittling yourself," she sighed.

"I lived in the shadow of my sister," I explained, "And it wasn't her fault, she never gloated about it. She tried to help me, actually. She thought I should give the whole lawyer thing a chance, thinking it'd be good for me and my parent's relationship. She was a good sister. And even when I was little, and my parents didn't take her away from me, she'd play dolls with me. She'd tell me not to be afraid of the monsters under my bed, she'd tell them to go away," I chuckled, "She once yelled at my closet for five minutes because I told her a monster had come out and said he was gonna eat me. Before we grew up, Liv and I did share some kind of bond."

"So then how could you think she'd blame you for her death?" the Doctor asked.

"The day Liv died is not a day I like to remember," I sighed, wishing so hard I could forget it. But after many years of the accident, I found it impossible. "She took me out for lunch, our parents locked up in their office for work. We went by our favorite place, both pasta lovers. She's actually the one that got me into pasta," I chuckled lightly, soon finishing when I spoke of what happened next, "She started up with the whole lawyer thing. She insisted that I should try it because I was still young and indecisive. But I knew it wasn't a tantrum. I didn't want to be a lawyer. To this day, I still don't want to be one. The simple thought of it makes me cringe. I started getting frustrated when she told me that this was the reason my parents and I couldn't get along; that it was because of me and my snappy attitude. But then I lashed out..." the yells of that day started replaying in my head, "...I flat out told her it was because of her that my parents didn't love me. It was because of her that they never spent time with me. It was her fault...and it wasn't. I yelled at her because I was jealous. I was jealous that mom loved her and gave her all the time she needed while I was lucky to get a goodnight kiss. Olivia denied it, but I think she knew I was right, deep down. There was a look in her eyes... I think she knew it, but she didn't want to admit that she was the preferred daughter. It wasn't her fault, I know that now. I was just so tired of being ignored that the argument made me blurt everything and it got her dead. She got angry and told me to get home on my own. She just left after that and it only took me five minutes afterwards to realize how unfair I was to her, how sorry I was. I planned on apologizing as soon as she came home. I was going to, I swear, I..." and my voice broke, fresh tears preparing to stroll down, "...but she never came home."

"We're sorry," the Doctor said.

"I was waiting at home when my mom called. She told me Olivia got in a car accident and a man brought her into the hospital. It was because of that stranger that she even lasted a little longer. My mom was so upset, she was crying and asking what had happened. Why wasn't I with her? And then I told her..."

"And what she say?" Martha asked softly, half guessing it wasn't very nice.

"She said it was my fault. If I knew how to control myself Olivia would still be alive..." I sighed, "...I made her lose her daughter."

"But she still had you, her other daughter, and she should have been there for you too," the Doctor said.

"There was so much blame, so many words said from her...sometimes it makes me think that I'm not even related to her because her hatred is just so much, so bad...how does a mother hate their child?"

"But she can't hate you!" Martha exclaimed, shaking her head in exasperation, "No mother is capable of that!"

"But mine is. There's this look in her eyes, one that makes me think that if she could, she'd have me locked up for the rest of my life."

"But we're never letting that happen," the Doctor declared, "Ever."

"She's called, you know," I gritted my teeth, angry at all those times, "My father kind of just, washed out on the whole fathering thing. He's never called, but my Mom...she called a couple of times when I was with Uncle Aaron. I took them because I thought she'd tell me I was forgiven but it wasn't, it was never like that. She just kept yelling and yelling and ordering me to come home so she could make sure I wouldn't hurt anyone else, that I wouldn't take anyone else's children from them. After that, I stopped...and I grew angrier and angrier; angry that she wouldn't forgive me and angry because it was my fault. She stopped calling for years, up until Christmas time, last year," I glanced at the Doctor, "I don't know how she did that but she contacted Jackie. She had this whole 'nice' act, but it didn't last long. I don't know what that was...but I haven't heard from her since."

"And your grandmother?" he asked, knowing she was a different story.

"She's always called," I sighed, smiling sadly, "My grandma is so sweet like that. But I can't bring myself to take her calls. Ever. I'm not ready yet, I don't have much to prove I've done good. Plus, I'm afraid my mom got to her and she blames me for Liv's death."

"Minerva, she chose to drive off," Martha reminded, "That's not your fault."

"But I can't tell her how sorry I am now, how much I regret telling her all that. I don't hate her, I do love her, and it's not her fault our parents chose her."

"That's what you told her?"

"I yelled at her so much, I think the whole thirteen years of isolation and reprimands of my parents was unleashed."

"Well, she knows that now," the Doctor said, "Olivia knows that her sister is sorry for what was said and she most definitely forgives you and knows, for the dozen time, that it was not your fault for her death."

"C'mon," I shook my head and we walked off, the pause button activated.

~0~

"Martha, why do you care so much about me?" I asked suddenly, stopping our walk we had taken after lunch.

We started talking about small things, nothing important but everything had gone quiet. And then I started to wonder this exact question, and I got curious to know.

I could understand the Doctor since this was the whole point of traveling together; to get to know each other, but Martha? I knew her so little before the hospital, only touching bases on our families, friends and occupations. She'd taken such an interest in me, like a friend would, but too fast. I've had little friends in the past back at home but even those took several months to develop into an actual friendship. Yet with Martha, everything was happening so fast. One moment, the woman doesn't even know I'm a time traveler and the next she knows about my sister's tragic ending and my mother's cruel blame...and she was so calm about it. After the Doctor and I returned from New New York, I sat Martha down, with the encouragement of the Doctor, and repeated my story to her. And it wasn't even the Doctor's encouragement that made me tell her, I wanted to tell her.

"Because I'm your friend," Martha answered like it was an obvious thing, "I mean, at least I��hope you consider me as your friend," she chuckled nervously, "Because then that would be awkward."

"I do see you as a friend," I nodded, "I see you almost like a best friend even, though it's a bit fast I know."

"Hey, it's like they say, you can fall in love with someone in one day. Same thing goes for friendships. You could meet someone early in the day and by night, you're practically best friends."

"Yeah, I suppose that makes sense," I thought back to Mickey and considered how fast we became best friends as well, "I'm lucky to meet people like you," I hugged her out of the no where, "I meet Mickey, Jackie, the Doctor, you, and you all make me so much better," I sighed, "Thank you."

"Hey, no problem," she chuckled, pulling away, "I'm glad we're becoming good friends."

"Me too," I admitted, "I've never really had a woman for a friend, a real friend."

"What about Rose?" she raised an eyebrow, a bit confused.

Well...the blonde had been...sort of one...for a short time...right?

"Minerva?"

"Uh, sorry Martha but that's another story for another day," I smiled a bit, "But just know you're something different Martha Jones, much different than Rose Tyler, and I am so glad we took you on-board."

"No complaints from me there," she raised her hands, making us both laugh.

"But seriously, thank you."

"For what?"

"Listening, for listening to every bit of information I've said all day," I shrugged, "I know it's a lot, and boring."

"Boring is the last word on my mind," she did a look that said just how screwed up my life really was.

"Well, just, thank you, you know. I know when the Doctor offered to bring you along for trips, you expected the fun, the excitement of them. You had no obligation to hear me out or anything."

"But I wanted to, I still do in case you wanna keep sharing," she smiled, "Listening to your story made me think about my own family. We're not the, um...picture-perfect family as you may have noticed," she shook her head, me recalling the yells of the blonde, now identified Martha's father's girlfriend, "But we do have a special bond. We're there when we need each other. I have my brother and sister and..." she looked at me, sadness pouring from her eyes.

"I don't have that," I finished what she couldn't, "It's okay to say it, Martha. I'm realistic."

"I just find it incredible what your mother has done to you. I find your whole life incredible. Most importantly, I find it incredible how strong you are even after all of that."

'Strong?" I repeated, waiting for her to reconsider her choice of words, "I'm not so sure 'stro-"

"You are, and you need to see it. The easier path is to break and let it consume you, but you don't. I know you have times where you fell like it will consume you but you don't let it. You keep yourself on check on your own and that's incredible. I think you're the strongest woman I've ever met, and I truly hope you remain like that."

"Oh Martha, you're so sweet," I smiled.

"I mean it. You're strong and I know that you'll get better. You'll see that Liv's death wasn't your fault, and you won't let your mother's words affect you anymore. You'll look back and see how wrong she is, and how innocent you are. One day, your mother will ask you to forgive her. Sophia didn't lose a daughter that day, she lost two. She cast you off your whole life and the one day she really needed you, she completely lost you too."

"Would it be crazy and wrong to say I would forgive her in a heartbeat?" I asked sheepishly, knowing with 100% assurance that I would forgive my mother.

"Not at all," she shook her head, "Because she's your mother; of course you'd forgive her."

"Sadly, I don't think that day will ever come."

"Well, in the meantime she comes to her senses," she linked arms with me, "You're not alone in this. You've got me and the Doctor and we will not allow you to carry this guilt anymore."

"My ridiculous, banana-loving alien and humany doctor best friend."

"Interesting chronological order you have there," she pointed, eyeing me with a smirk for some reason, "And...humany?"

"Oh, sorry, the Doctor says that sometimes, guess it kinda stuck."

"Oh, there's a surprise," she chuckled, "You two are so, 'aah'!"

"'Aah'?" I tilted my head, "What exactly does that mean?"

"Weeeell," she swayed her head, "It's-"

"Martha, it seems you bothered the workers so much for your horses that they've finally agreed to let us ride them earlier than planned," the Doctor walked towards us.

"Another time," she winked at me, leaving me even more perplexed, "Did I hear we're riding horses?" she asked the Martian once he was close enough.

"Yes, they're getting him for us," he nodded.

"Great! Because I want that one!" she let go of me and ran a little of to the side, pointing at a tanned horse, "See it?"

We glanced to her direction and saw the horse she was pointing at, drinking some water at the moment.

"I want that one," she reiterated, very serious.

The Doctor rolled his eyes then taking a lavender flower from his back, "And I happened to pick this out for you, it's a crocus."

"It's very pretty," I took it from him, touching its soft petals and looked up at him, "Thank you."

"It's the flower for happiness," he cleared his throat, his eyes seeming to struggle to stay on my level.

"Oh, that's nice to know," I turned the flower over.

"Because, you know, I want you to be happy. I intend to see you happy..."

Martha cleared her throat as she walked over to us, whispering as she moved behind me, "That's what 'aah' means," she patted my shoulder and walked off, chuckling to herself.

I raised an eyebrow, still misunderstanding but finding a very warm blush on my face.

~0~

"Whaddya say, Minerva? Wanna ride one?" Martha eyed me with a smirk, rounding a horse.

"No, but I know you do," I put my hands together, not wanting any of those animals licking me or whatever they did.

"You're not actually scared are you?"

"I'm afraid of horses, yeah..." I looked after one that trotted past us.

"Oh c'mon! The smartest woman I know, the one who's helped save the world is afraid of...horses?"

"Seriously?" the Doctor walked over, a man besides him.

"Yes," I confessed sheepishly.

"That's something I didn't know," he smirked.

"I assure you ma'am, these horses are quite calm and very tamed," the man said.

"Oh, this is Benson," the Doctor gestured to the older man, "He's going to help us ride these horses."

"You mean you two," I pointed to him and Martha who had moved beside me, "Because I won't be riding them."

"Oh c'mon," Martha tugged on my arm, "My dad taught me and it was the most incredible experience ever! We grew up in the city, c'mon, being on a horse in the open is so different from what we're used to."

"The land is very safe," Benson added, gesturing the forest behind the guinguette.

"We'll do it!" Martha quickly volunteered us, "All three of us, now show me horse Benson!"

The man smiled and nodded, walking off to a nearby horse that was tied up and brought it over, chuckling at how I backed away as they grew closer, "She's calm, ma'am, I assure you with my life."

"What's her name?" Martha moved to the tanned-colored horse, petting its mane.

"Alicia."

"Hello Alicia," Martha cooed, "Aren't you the prettiest horse out here?"

"Her name's Jessica," the Doctor suddenly said, making us all look at him, "What? I speak horse."

"Her name's Jessica?" Martha raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, and she's not the prettiest, she says the most beautiful horse here."

"Quite conceited then," I said, receiving a neigh from the horse.

"Jessica says it's not conceited if it's true."

Martha laughed, Benson just looking at us like we were crazy, "Alright then, I want a calm and excited ride, Jessica," Martha patted the horse again, "Benson?"

"Right away ma'am," he nodded and started readying up the horse.

"I'm not riding them," I whispered to the Doctor, "Not in this world."

"It's not that bad," he shrugged, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"They're bad, they're all bad," I looked from one horse to another.

"Now don't be rude. I happen to know that, that horse over there-" he nodded to a grey horse that was drinking water, "-seems to like the pretty girl in the blue dress wearing a purple flower on her head."

"He did not say that!" My hand instinctively raised to the crocus I wore on my hair, I hadn't wanted to lose it so I stuck it in the one place I wouldn't forget it, my head!

"He did," he chuckled, "And he's making his way over right now."

"You realize you sound so ridiculous right now," remarked Martha.

"It's what the horse is saying," he gestured to the horse that was indeed making its way over to us.

"Ma'am?" Benson called, Martha turning, "Alicia's ready."

And the horse neighed.

"Jessica," the Doctor reminded.

"Don't listen to him," Martha waved the Martian off and got on the horse with the help of Benson, "Woah," she took hold of the reigns, "I like it," she grinned.

"Horse is nearing," the Doctor coughed.

I only a had a chance to glance to the left when there was loud neigh sound and a big, gray muzzle greeted my face, "AAH!" I yelped and jumped back, bumping into the Doctor that was in a fit of laughter.

"Minerva, he likes you," Martha smiled, the horse coming closer to me, "Take a ride."

"N-n-no thanks," I shook my head, wanting to step back but the Doctor had stuck himself behind me and forced me to stay still, "I like ground, ground is nice, ground is not dangerous."

"His name is Marcel," Benson walked over, holding back the horse by its reins it already worse, "And I'd have to agree with Mr. Smith, he does seem to like you."

"Problem is I'm afraid," I tried leaning back when the horse forcefully took a step forwards, "Very, very afraid. Plus, I don't even know how to ride a horse. One of the things I've yet to do."

"So get on it," Martha exclaimed, "It'll help you distract yourself. We've done a lot of talking, you deserve some fun."

"And I will have fun, waiting for you here," I pointed to the ground, "On the ground."

"Marcel is tamed, good mannered, and very obedient," Benson said, petting the horse, "And if he's taken a liken to you, then he will most definitely take care of you."

"I...I can't," I shook my head and hands, wanting to be as far away as possible from the horse.

"Minerva, the sun is going to be setting and I want to take a ride, pleeease?" she clapped her hands together, my eyes widening at how careless she was. She could fall!

"Martha please take hold of the reigns!" I exclaimed, so fearful at the moment, "Please!"

"Sure," she shrugged, calmly re-holding the reigns, "So will you come?"

"I...I guess," I sighed. She, once again, let go of the reigns and clapped excitedly. I smiled softly, liking how happy she looked. I suppose she and the Doctor did deserve some time of fun after the stories I'd let out on them, "But I don't know how to ride one," I frowned as Benson started to prepare the horse as well, "Can it go like...really slow?"

Benson chuckled, "It's quite easy to maneuver them."

"Says the man who works with them all day..." I looked at the horse, my heart beating faster as I thought of the many ways I could fall and hurt myself.

"Oh don't be so scared," the Doctor walked me up to the horse, "It likes you very much. Though he says your dress looks like water."

"He's not gonna try and eat me, is he?" I mumbled, getting back a laugh from the three, "I am very serious."

"She's quite the amusing one," Benson remarked, stepping away from the horse.

"Up you go," the Doctor moving the horse closer to us.

"Martha, how mad would you be if I said I changed my mind?" my eyes widened as I took in the actual size of this horse.

"I'd be very discontent," she shrugged.

I sighed, "Marcel...don't eat me." And the hose neighed as if he was really responding to me...and he was.

"He promises he won't," the Doctor translated.

"Or drop me?"

The horse neighed, sounding odd.

"He says you offend him," the Doctor said.

"Sorry," I made a face, resigned to having to climb up this monstrosity.

"Ready?"

"...no."

"Up you go!" he exclaimed, helping me up and swing a leg over the horse, "Now hold on."

"No!" I leaned forwards, gripping the reigns, "I change my mind! I change my mind! I don't want to ride this anymore!"

"Minerva, you're not even moving," Martha moved her horse in front of mine, "And he won't drop you."

"I don't care! I don't want to do this anymore!"

"All that time with your uncle and not once did you ride a horse?" the Doctor raised an eyebrow, acting as if I wasn't crying for help.

"No! He tried to but...I always said no!"

"And look where that's got you now?"

"Help me, Martian! Help me! Get me down right now!" I shouted, shutting my eyes.

Marcel neighed and even moved a little, scaring me even more.

"Yes, yes, but she's not over-dramatic; she's had a tough day," the Doctor spoke to the horse.

"Get me down!"

"The sun is setting!" Martha complained, "Minerva, please?"

"I'm so sorry Martha," I shook my head, "But I can't. You go ahead, though."

"Alright, I've had enough," the Doctor sighed.

"Sir, what are you-"

"Marcel and I have a point to prove," the Martian said before I felt the horse move again and an arm wrap around my waist, "Minerva, I'm going to need you to open your eyes."

I opened only one eye and saw his hand holding the reigns while the other held me, "Please tell me you're not..."

"...gonna ride the horse and prove you're wrong about being dropped?" he grinned, "Why yes, yes I am."

"Finally!" Martha exclaimed, "I'll race you!" she laughed and commanded her horse to, running off before us.

"Don't you dare," I warned but he only laughed and made the horse spring after our friend, "Get me down!" I shouted.

Martha laughed and came to an abrupt stop, her horse even tipping her back just a bit that made my heart beat at light speed thinking she'd fall back like the movies, "Let's not torture the poor girl," she turned around.

"Someone get me down from here," I was completely froze in place, breathing heavily.

"It's not that bad is it?" the Doctor asked, chuckling for some reason.

"Let's see, I could potentially die from an abrupt stop, the horse could eat me, or worse, one of you could fall and die!"

"And you think we'd let that happen?" Martha raised an eyebrow.

"The whole point of this is to talk and have some well-deserved fun," the Doctor reminded, 'And that does not include dying."

"Did your uncle die riding a horse?" Martha moved her horse besides us.

"Well, no..."

"Then why would we? We both know how to ride horses," she laughed as her horse neighed, "And the horses like us! Everything is going to be fine."

And the Doctor made Marcel start moving again, slowly for my sake, while Martha moved at the same pace next to us, "Where were you when your uncle rode the horses?" the Doctor asked, probably seeing I was still slightly frozen from fear.

"Um...Ohio," I made sure to look ahead in case either of them missed a rock or something that'd make us fall, "...there was a horse stable and his friends were the owners."

"What were you doing there?" Martha joined in on the distraction.

"He wanted to cheer me up...it was right after I emancipated myself. We went to Ohio for these competitions for the horse-riders and we happened to have a chance to ride them."

"And you didn't?"

"Does it look like I'm having fun?"

She laughed, "You should be!"

"How'd you even learn?" the Doctor asked out of his curiosity.

"Surprised I know something you do too?" she teased, raising an eyebrow.

He shook his head, "Ha, ha, no, I just want to know."

"It was a family vacation," she shrugged, "Tish was a scary cat and Leo wanted a race...so I gave him one...and won!"

"And you didn't fall?" I glanced at her, hoping the Doctor would keep a look ahead because I certainly didn't want to fall.

"No! We didn't have the race right at the first moment, we practiced and then..." she swayed her head, "...we had a race when our parents weren't looking."

"And you didn't fall?"

"No, we didn't fall!"

"Do you have that little faith in Marcel and I?" the Doctor frowned.

"Well Doctor, let's face it, your piloting skills aren't very um," I cleared my throat, "...good."

"You're a bit rude when you're scared, you know that?"

Martha scoffed, "You call it rude, we call it the truth."

"You know what, maybe I should get down and leave Minerva to ride the horse on her own," and he stopped the horse and started doing just that.

"N-n-n-no! I take it back!" I forced his hand on the reign to remain there, "You're a wonderful pilot and always right and please don't let go!"

"Wooooow," Martha smirked, "The necessity is big isn't it?"

"I can't help my fears," I shut my eyes, "Doctor?"

"I'm not going anywhere," he said like it was obvious, wiggling one his hands out from underneath mine to hold the reigns properly and wrapping his other arm around my waist again, "You're very gullible when you're afraid."

"You're not leaving?"

"No!"

"And now that that's settled," Martha cleared her throat and moved a little ahead of us, "How's about a little race? I heard there's a little lake at the center of the forest.

"Noooo!" I shook my head.

"That's a challenge I like!" the Doctor exclaimed happily.

"NO!" I shouted, looking up at him so he could see my determination to not have this race, "Unless you let me down from here, there will be no race!"

"Winner gets to choose the next place we go to?" he grinned.

"No!"

"Please?"

"No!"

"Winner gets to-"

"No! No, no, no, no," I shook my head, "N-"

"On your marks..." Martha suddenly said, smirking when I looked at her, "...get set..." the Doctor took hold of the reign with his free hand, all set.

"Martha," I gritted my teeth, "Don't you d-"

"GO!"

Next thing I knew, we ran like the wind and I screamed at the top of my lungs, terrified for my dear life and my friends.

"Minerva, quit your yelling and look at how beautiful this place is!" the Doctor ordered, even laughing a little.

I cracked open an eye, seeing Martha getting ahead. I opened both eyes as we closed in on the trees of the forest. I blinked, beginning to smile, the sun shining its orange tinge as it set down. It was actually...pretty beautiful.

"How's it look?" the Doctor asked, stopping the horse from its running to only frolic around.

"...very pretty," I whispered.

"Not afraid anymore?"

"...no."

And Marcel neighed, the Doctor chuckling, "Yes, I told you she would."

"What?" I glanced up at him.

"He said you should've known you would've liked it. He's a very good horse."

"And a big and scary one," I added, the horse neighing in response.

"He resents that."

"But a very talkative horse too," I started to smile.

"Oh yes, he is," the Doctor nodded, Marcel neighing again.

"I take he wasn't happy with that remark?"

"Not one bit."

"Martha's winning," I reminded, the woman getting deeper in the trees.

Marcel neighed.

"Yes, Marcel doesn't do races apparently. Also, he doesn't like hearing you scream."

"Sorry Marcel," I actually petted him, "It must be nice being able to speak to animals," I said, seeing him pull on the reigns, Marcel frolicking a little more strongly, but actually not that scary.

"It comes in handy," the Doctor shrugged.

"It must be nice doing everything you do, huh?"

"What are you getting at?" now he looked down at me with a curious expression.

I ignored his closeness and looked ahead, suddenly wanting to answer what I had ignored earlier, "I don't know what I want to become."

"Hm?"

"You asked me what I wanted to be. If I don't want to be a lawyer, or a photographer, what do I want to be?" I looked around, now entering through the trees, finding an immense beauty and the rest of the surroundings, "The answer is: I don't know."

"What about your drawings? You're really good at them. Have you ever considered maybe painting?"

"Would you take me back to Da Vinci?"

He scoffed, "Right after I visit Elizabeth I."

I smiled, "I love to draw, and maybe I would like painting but...I don't know. I love helping people too... I-I just love learning a little bit of everything, you know. I can't really see myself locked in one career," I sighed, "I wanna try everything. Perhaps that was what my mother disliked, dislikes to this day, the most about me, I'm more liberal. I want to go out and do stuff, and she wants me locked up in an office and that's something I can't see myself doing," I sighed again, a deeper sigh, more contemplative, "You know what I wish? I wish humans could have a bigger lifespan so that I could try everything, anything. But I know there isn't time...I just wish I could live a little longer, so I could see what's out there, what my world has to offer...to a human like me. What do you think?" I glanced up at him, seeing a soft smile on his face.

"I think...I think a human likes you deserves that," he mumbled, his smile growing.

"Think so?"

"I do, I very much do."

I swallowed hard for some reason, looking at him for a moment until I felt a blush and looked ahead, "Thanks..."

We moved along again and in silence. Martha's horse barely made a sound now that we had slowed down even more. But it gave me a chance to look around. I really loved this environment, it was so brightly green with the enhancement of the sun shining over the trees. It made me wonder what other planets looked like...and it made me wonder...

"Doctor, what did your planet look like?"

"You wanna know?" he didn't sound too happy about it for some reason.

"Yeah, you know, looking around here," I gestured to the scenery, "It makes me wonder what yours was like. Can I know?"

"Well, for started, we had two suns," he said, pausing I gasped.

"Seriously, two?"

"Mhm, one would rise in the south, and it would make all the mountains shine like you wouldn't believe it."

"Two suns," I repeated, fascinated by that detail, "I bet the sunsets were really beautiful, weren't they?"

"Yeah, the whole sky was a burnt orange..."

"Like a sunset all day? A twilight all day..." I smiled, "And what else?" I sounded like a child but I was so curious!

"Well, in the mornings, the suns would shine and the trees that were silver would catch its light and the forest looked like it was on fire. It was truly beautiful."

"Very," I whispered, "And?"

He chuckled, "Our citadel was enclosed with a mighty glass dome and our suns shined brilliantly above us. But what really got me was the mountains, oh those mountains."

"What about them?"

"They're deep red, Minerva, and the're capped with snow. It was an endless sight..."

I looked at him, realizing this must not be an easy topic for him, and here I am burdening with my questions, "I'm sorry."

But he just smiled, "I wish I could show you. You'd be enthralled..."

"I already am," I corrected, "It sounds wonderful. Especially the snow caps, I love snow."

"I wished it could've stayed like that, but then war started and I had to..." and he paused, making me look up and see him staring ahead, quickly filling with pain at the memory.

"It's okay, Doctor, you don't have to continue," I said softly, regretting my decision to ask him about his home.

All day his sole purpose was to make me happy and what's the first thing I do? Remind him of a terrible, painful memory. Yeah, good going Minerva.

"I do. You told me how your sister died, even when it's not your fault, and you deserve to know why I killed them all, why I killed my own people."

"You don't," I assured, "You're not ready-"

He stopped Marcel suddenly, Martha's trotting disappearing completely, "I had a friend before the war started, she loved hearing about Gallifrey. I told her one day I'd find a way to bring her there...but I never did," his eyes fell down for a moment, a clear struggle to say his next words apparent on his face, "She died because of us. She and her whole planet died because of what my people did. I was going to save her, I was going to take her somewhere safe, somewhere she could survive...but I was too late. I let her get killed. She was innocent," he shook his head, "Her whole species were just innocent bystanders," and then he started speaking with so much anger, such that it startled me how much he changed in a matter of seconds, "When I found out she died at the hands of the Time Lords, I knew it was time to stop. I'm against violence, and you know it," he looked at me and I quickly nodded, "But I couldn't let it continue. Kaeya died because I delayed making that decision. If I would've done something just a bit earlier, then maybe she'd be alive today."

"You feel guilty," I whispered, completely understanding his pain and loss for a moment.

"How could I not? She used to admire us, she had such admiration for me...and I let her down. When she died, it was like an alarm went off in my head: you have to stop this. Because if I didn't, others like her would go down and I would not allow it."

"So you ended it, you ended it to save the innocent," I bit my lip, not even able to imagine him killing all those people, but never judging what he had to do for the sake of others.

"I killed them and this is my punishment, remembering all of those I killed and knowing that my friend died because I didn't save her."

"Have you mourned her?" I asked curiously, thinking it could perhaps help as it did manage to help me last week, even in a small way, "You know, kinda get closure and say goodbye."

"I wish I could, but I don't even know where she is; her body was never found. And I searched, I searched the whole damn planet and she wasn't there. I don't know where she ended up...where she's spending eternity in. I just hope wherever she is, she was able to forgive me."

I hated, I hated seeing him like this. His guilt mixed in with his grief and an extra layer of anger. It was the same I carried, and I understood him. For once, I could understand the 903 year old Time Lord because for a split moment, we both lost someone we cared about...and we felt responsible for it.

"We're not so different in the end," I sighed, placing my hand over his on the reigns, "But perhaps we can help each other. You've helped me enough, now let me help you. I can listen, be there when you need me to. We can talk."

"Oh Minerva," he sighed, moving us again, "This is help enough. I love this. Being here, with my sassy human, helping her, on a horse, in a beautiful forest, and just...moving along. This is what I need, moments like these."

"Well, there's no complaints from me," I shrugged, getting him to chuckle, "Hey, you're laughing, that's good. Now I know how that feels, making other people laugh."

"You're good at it too," he mumbled, pulling on the reign again and moving Marcel, his other arm around my waist tightening when I yelped at a sudden hop over a rock, "I won't drop you," he mumbled.

I smiled sheepishly, another blush starting up again. Holding me closer meant I was even closer to him. If I concentrated, I could probably feel the rhythm of his two hears behind my back.

"You know, I don't even think we're trying to race," Martha called, appearing between two trees across us, "I could have easily done two rounds and still win. Is there something I'm missing out on?" she smirked, eyeing us.

"You win," the Doctor waved her off.

"I was thinking that on the way back we could teach Minerva how to actually ride a horse," she suggested, "On her own."

"Then maybe I could drop him off," I pointed back to the Doctor, Marcel neighing right after.

"Oh, that's unity," the Doctor frowned, "Thanks Marcel."

"What he say?" Martha asked.

"He's on Minerva's side!" he exclaimed, indignantly, "I can't believe you'd trade me in for a girl."

And the horse neighed again.

"Wouldn't you?" I glanced at him curiously.

He had this serious look that would be sure to tell me how wrong I was but then it sort of, softened? "...I suppose, if it's you, then..." And he looked away afterwards.

I pondered on his words until I found Martha smirking again, interrupting my thoughts.

What the hell is she smirking about? I wondered.

"So Minerva," she called, "How are you feeling?" her smirk faded into a smile.

I a real and genuine smile as I looked between her and the Doctor. "I think I'm fine. Maybe not the miraculous recovery you want, but I think I'll get there one day. But for the moment, I actually feel quite...fine," My smile grew as my gaze remained on the Doctor. He eventually met my eyes and smiled back.

[shes-an-oddbird]

Road Trip

Merry Christmas @bookishandbossy, from your Fitzsimmons Secret Santa. I’m running a little late but here it is. A one-shot of Fitzsimmons bonding as they road trip across the country. As I’ve never done a proper road trip most of the facts are vague but I hope you enjoy it none the less. 

Quick Summary: Fitz and Simmons just missed their ride. Daisy offers them her old van to make the cross country drive to their research meet site. 

*Mostly fluffy with like two seconds of angst because I gave Jemma my anxiety over driving. 

They had a bad habit of bickering to the point that they forgot what was going on around them. It had happened several times in the short time that they’d known each other and once before they’d even met. Dr. Simmons and Dr. Fitz had been independently working on separate sides of one larger project for some time before there was a need for them to collaborate. Dr. Simmons was running tests on both the flora and fauna of an area that was recently impacted by a small meteorite and were now showing signs of unusual behavior. Dr. Fitz was contacted when the readings they picked up from the meteorite itself proved unmeasurable on their own equipment and they needed to expand the machines capabilities.

Eventually the lead on the project contacted them about working together to find the connection between their two projects and it had been regular shouting matches ever since.

Daisy, Jemma’s roommate, had called them out several times on the blinders they wore when they were together and arguing. The world could collapse into chaos around them and they wouldn’t notice. Up until now Jemma had brushed off the accusations.

Now that she was watching the shuttle, the one that was carrying the entire research team to the meteorite sight, pull away, she would have to admit that her friend might just have a point.

“Guess we’ll just have to walk then.” Fitz said sarcastically still riled up from their bickering match. What had it even been about this time? Something about packing her samples to close to his equipment. Had that really been worth missing their ride. Jemma tore her eyes away from the disappearing bus to look at him unamused.

After a solid moment of glaring she asked hopelessly, “we could get tickets for another bus?”

“That shuttle was paid for by the foundation to go directly to the campsite, I doubt there is another bus heading that way, if there is it’s probably a million exchanges and more tickets than I can afford, can you?”

Jemma knew she didn’t either. “Well there has got to be another option.”

…

“So you still have a good ten miles when the tank is on E and the emergency break light goes on and off whenever it wants, the radio usually works well unless you’re on a bridge, haven’t figured that one out yet, and there is plenty of room to sleep in the back and I do mean sleep, I don’t want anything dirty going on in my van.” Jemma’s eyes went wide, her cheeks turning bright red at Daisy’s suggestion.

“I assure you Daisy, there will be none of that.”

Daisy stared back at her doubtfully and then glanced quickly at Fitz who was embarrassedly scratching at his ear.

“Yeah okay, sure.” She pulled the keys from her pocket and held them out towards Fitz who looked surprised.

“I’m driving?” He asked, surprised.

“Jemma is scared to drive.”

“I am not, I just don’t like too!” Jemma took the keys with a huff and headed to the driver’s side door.

“Alright, calm down, all joking aside, be careful.” Daisy leaned through the open window as Jemma climbed in. “And try to have some fun, I’m guessing you’ve never been on a road trip.”

“The farthest trip I ever took by car was when my family drove up through Perthshire, it was a beautiful there.”

“Well there are some great sights here too.” Daisy assured her.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Jemma wouldn’t mind stopping to see a few sights but they were also way behind the shuttle and the team couldn’t start with out their part of the research.

“Bye Fitz!” Daisy waved to him and he gave an awkward wave back. She stepped back from the van as Jemma started it up. She shifted them into drive and they were off.

…

She really wasn’t a bad driver. She passed her test just as she had every other test in her life. She just was a little anxious. There were just so many other cars. And Daisy’s old van wasn’t exactly easy to maneuver. She struggled to see over the dash, even propped up the two chair cushions Daisy had in the driver’s seat. The little bobbling hula girl that sat above the radio was extremely distracting. And she just knew if she started talking to Fitz again they would get wrapped up in conversation and loose her concentration.

“I don’t mind driving you know, if it makes you uncomfortable, I mean.” Fitz offered as they neared the on ramp.  She must have been fidgeting. She had thought she would be better once they were on the highway but if he was offering…

“Okay, let me just pull off here.”

Jemma sat back in the passenger’s seat with a relaxed sigh.

She was a much better passenger than driver. She had typed up an entire itinerary for the trip while Fitz had filled the gas tank. It included the quickest route and ideal routes to optimize sightseeing and attractions without putting them too far behind schedule and several maps using several back roads to avoid traffic and road construction should they run across it.

“Do you really think we’ll have time to stop anywhere, the shuttle wasn’t planning on making many.”

“If we’re very careful and don’t stay anywhere too long.” Jemma reassured him as she reread her notes. “A few other team members are flying in from out of the country so we’re not actually due there until Friday afternoon.”

Fitz nodded. “So what’s the first stop?”

…

Apparently when Simmons had said they couldn’t stay anywhere too long, too long was somewhere between seven and ten minutes. It was a shame because the view from the Blue Ridge Parkway was a sight to be seen with all its large blue mountains spreading into the distance. Getting out of the mountains quickly wasn’t so bad though. His ears popping on the way down had been a relief.

There were several museums that would have been worth stopping at but would have taken much too long to properly enjoy.

There were a lot of national parks on their path though and with each stop Fitz found himself able to extend their stay but picking a topic and getting her started talking about it. She could tell him the names of every flower and bird and even several fish in murky creek beds. Her enthusiasm was unmatchable, but he tried to volley back with some historical facts as there wasn’t much in his field to talk about in the wide-open natural environments.

The only time Fitz found himself wishing Jemma would stop talking was when their conversations continued back to the van and all the way to the rest stops where they crawled into the back and tucked in for the night.

The van was spacious and Daisy, who apparently used to live out of it, had it outfitted like a tiny apartment, complete with a mini sleeper sofa bolted to the floor. Fitz insisted that Jemma sleep there and he would sleep on floor with his own sleeping bag. Despite Jemma being elevated above him they were very close and Jemma insisted on sleep on her side facing him and recapping their day.

It was strangely intimate, even in the uncomfortable sleeping conditions.

However, when silence fell it was almost worse. He was left to his own thoughts and those were starting to revolve heavily around his traveling companion.

…

“I’ve got a surprise.”

“Oh?” Fitz ask, not taking his eyes off the road.

“We’re not stopping at the Grand Canyon.”

“I thought you were excited about that, you set aside the whole day for it.”

“I am, but I was thinking we could stop there on the way back,” she explained quickly brushing over the fact that she was inviting him to ride back with her instead of taking the shuttle home. “Today I wanted to pick something that you would enjoy since you’ve been so kind as to drive the entire time.”

“It was really not a big deal.”

“Well even so, I thought it should be your turn to pick, only I wanted it to be a surprise, so I tried to pick for you.”

“Okay?” He looked uncertain but Jemma was sure she was spot on with her plans.

“Just take the next off ramp, I’m know you’re going to love it.”

 …

The local zoo was currently hosting a family of capuchin monkeys that had been rescued from an area being heavily effected by deforestation. She knew she had nailed it when Fitz’s eyes lit up upon seeing the sheer number of little monkeys bouncing around inside the exhibit. His usually grumpiness was completely replaced by a childlike joy and he started spewing out facts like she had been doing since they left Virginia.

They spent most of the day at the Zoo. They went to a few other exhibits before Fitz led them back to the Primate habitat under the guise of finding their way back to the van.

“This was really great Jemma, how did you know?”

“Well you mentioned way back when we first started working together that you’d love to have a monkey for a lab assistant.” She explained as they walked side by side through the crowd. “At first I thought it was just a shot at me and my lab etiquette being to – uh – specific, but then you’ve been wearing monkey print pajama pants to bed all week so I thought there might be a fondness for them somewhere in there.”

“Well you were right.” He lamented. “But can you please not mention the pajama pants to anyone.”

“Absolutely.” Jemma agreed. “So, what do you want to do for dinner?”

Fitz didn’t reply right away. He fidgeted next to her and when her hand brushed his he jumped away from her. “I don’t know, what are you in the mood for?” He said hastily.

“Oh, anything would be fine, I think there are a few fast food places before we hit the highway.”

“Why don’t we go somewhere nice?”

“Nice?”

“Yeah, like with a table and chairs, we’ve not had a meal at a table that the food didn’t come to us on a plastic tray for days.” His reasoning was fair. Jemma however was more interested in his rapidly reddening neck and face. Why was he so embarrassed about making dinner plans?

Oh!

“Yes.” She answered, grinning. “Let’s go somewhere nice.”

…

They ended up at a fairly casual restaurant but it didn’t have a drive thru outside so they decided it counted. Besides neither of them had packed clothes for anywhere fancier.

Dinner gave them a chance to talk about topics beyond the biology of the fish and migration patterns of rare birds. They talked about growing up back home and the culture shock coming to school in America, especially at such a young age.

Fitz talked about his mom, which left Jemma smiling over the love he had for the women who raised him.

Jemma returned his story with ones of her own about her mother talking her to her university classes when she was teaching or her father telling her about the stars on the nights it was clear enough to see them.

Her story left Fitz with an idea and after they left the restaurant, they drove to the nearest rest stop and open the backdoors of the van. They watched the sunset and the sky turn from beautiful warm oranges, pinks and purples to deep blues and finally a blanket of black stitched with bright stars.

She could name them. As if she wasn’t impressive enough. And she took his hand to help him trace out the constellations. She inched closer every time she grabbed his hand, until she was pressed against his side.

It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out why she was moving closer and Fitz was far smarter than the average rocket scientist. He leaned down to meet her as she stretched up to press a kiss to his lips.

“I’m glad we missed that shuttle.”

“Me too.”

…

“Hey Fitz?”

“Yeah?”

“Which rest stop is this?”

“Were still in New Mexico.”

“We are?” Jemma said double checking her maps. She wouldn’t trade yesterday for anything in the world but they were way behind schedule. “I can’t believe how far behind we’ve gotten, we’re going to be late and its going to put the whole team behind.”

“We can drive through the day today, it should put us back on track.”

“You’re sure, let me know if you get tired, I can drive too.”

“Of course.”

…

The storm had rolled in out of nowhere and it was pouring. Fitz had pulled off the road and they checked several weather reports before determining it wasn’t going to pass anytime soon.

“We should stop for awhile, I can sleep for a bit and we can pick up again after the rain passes.”

Jemma fidgeted in her seat. They were already so far behind.

Fitz laid down to rest while she stayed up front in the passenger seat reviewing her research for as long as she could. Her obsessive checking of her watch was becoming annoying, even to herself.

The rain wasn’t really that bad.

Its not like she’d never driven in the rain before.

She moved over to the driver’s seat and started up the van. Fitz could still take over when he woke up, she’d just get a few more miles checked off in the meanwhile.

Fitz woke shortly after she got on the road. Some jerk behind them had laid on their horn and then sped around the van. Since then Jemma had been tense. Fitz offered to take over but she felt bad for him being woken and didn’t want to relinquish the wheel yet.

“Don’t worry, I think the rain will be letting up soon.”

…

Jemma clutched the steering wheel, her knuckles white. She couldn’t see. There was just sheets and sheets of water pouring down on them. She had slowed the van to a crawl but she still couldn’t see the road in front of her. The trees were blurred and the radio was completely drowned out by the sound of rain beating against the roof.

“Jemma you’ve got to pull off the road.” Fitz said calmly.

“I can’t see the road.” She couldn’t see the road, how was she supposed to get off of it.

“It’s okay, it’s just right next to us, alright.” Fitz tired again. She started to reach for the blinker but stopped short and grabbed the wheel. “You can do it.”

She reached again. She managed to move the lever and started to slow more.

A horn blared and Jemma jerked the van back onto the road. Ahead of her she saw a shower of sparks as a transformer blew on a light post. She shrieked and felt herself began to cry. She wanted to get off the road. She wanted to never drive again.

Something chilled touch her arm. Fitz’s hand was rubbing her forearm gently, until he slowly clasped it around her wrist. “It’s okay, we’re almost there.”

“Where?” She cried helplessly.

Fitz shook his head. He didn’t know where they were either. Still holding onto her wrist he leaned forward, eyes squinting into the rain.

“There!” He said after a minute. “Pull off now.”

For some reason she didn’t hesitate. She turned the wheel. Fitz’s hand released her arm but hovered over the steering wheel until she had them safely pulled off the road. Fitz set the lever in park and cut the road hazard lights on. She was frozen. She could not let go of the wheel.

“It’s okay, we’ve stopped Jemma.” She stared out the window. Several cars were still zipping by. Was she that bad a driver. Had she over-reacted that much to rain? She couldn’t hold it back anymore and started to sob over the stirring wheel.

She felt her seat belt release. Her hands were pried from the stirring wheel and she was eased to the edge of her seat where Fitz could more easily wrap his arms around her. “It’s okay, breath slowly okay.”

“Where are we?”

“It’s a rest area, I just barely saw the turn.” He stood suddenly. “Here, you sit, I’m going to drive us down to the parking lot.” She nodded and crawled out of the seat and into the back of the van. She grabbed one of the several pillows on the sofa, clutched it to her chest and curled the rest of her body around it. She eventually heard the engine cut off. Fitz quickly crawled to the back with her and she felt his hands rest reassuringly on her arm and back once more. “I think we just need to sleep here for the night, I’m going to go check if they have anything worth eating in the vending machines.”

She heard the van door slide closed and managed to unwind herself from the pillow. She wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t come back. She probably could have gotten them both killed. She felt herself quickly sliding her emotional scale from terrified to mortified. She should offer him money for a cab or a rental car to get him out of here.

It was a shame, she really liked him a lot.

The van door slid open.

Fitz climbed back inside with a bit of difficulty as he balanced two paper cups. “They had one of those machines that makes coffee and tea so I’ve got tea, un-caffeinated because, well, caffeinated didn’t seem like a good idea.” He handed her one of the cups carefully. “The lid blew away, its crazy out there.”

No kidding. He was drenched from head to toe.

“I also got,” he reached into the pockets of his sweatshirt, “crisps, honey buns and a couple of granola bars, they didn’t have anything else that looked healthy, sorry.”

“Thanks.” Jemma stared at him.

“What?”

“I thought you were going to leave.”

“And go where?”

“Anywhere, somewhere far away from crazy me and the death van.”

“Why would I do that?” He asked. “And you’re not crazy.” He added with a roll of his eyes.

“Fitz did you not see me out there, I shouldn’t have been driving in this, I could have gotten us killed.”

“No one should be out driving in this Jemma, it’s a monsoon.”

“Exactly but I wanted to get to the research site on time and I wasn’t thinking.”

“It’s okay, we’re fine now.”

“But – “

“It’s Okay.” He repeated firmly.

Jemma finally went silent.

“It’s the concentrating on the road I have trouble with,” Jemma explained. “You see I used to really enjoy driving because it was a quiet place to be with my thoughts, I could prepare for a speech in my head while driving to class or do calculations in my head to save time once I arrived at work but sometimes I’d get too involved and forget I was even behind the wheel, when I realize it, I’m always panicked.”

“You’re a daydreamer, anyone can see that.”

“You make it sound so poetic, what happens when I’m daydreaming and I hit someone.”

“I think you’re more aware of what’s going on then you give yourself credit for.”  

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Fitz assured her. He hesitated for a second before leaning forward to gently kiss her lips. She couldn’t help her small pleased smile. “That said, I don’t think your confidence needs to be tested on this particular trip so maybe I’ll drive the rest of the way.”

“Thank you.”

…

“Hey Jemma, wake up.” The gentle shaking of her shoulder and Fitz’s voice finally pulled her out of her sleep. She was surprised she was so comfortable sleeping on the floor of the van. “Come on Simmons, the rains’ stopped, you’ve got to see where we are.” She sat up. Still groggy but he was becoming too persistent to ignore.

“You know I would have thought you liked to sleep in.” She said as she watched her companion swing open the door of the van.

“On any other day but you’ve got to see this Simmons.”

She crawled to the door and squinted against the sunlight. As her eyes adjusted she could see wide open blue sky and the sloping green hill that the parking lot was situated on. Behind them was a plain looking rest stop, a cookie cutter brick building with a map just outside of it. She stood and followed after Fitz. As she climbed the hill she wondered what could be so thrilling at a rest stop but Fitz’s was so excited it had to be something.

As she reached the top she could see the amazing view. It stretched out for miles, all green and marbled rock cliffs. “Its gorgeous but we’ve seen a lot of great views.”

“Well how’s this sound, see that wooded area over there?” She nodded. “That’s the research sight, we’ll be there by noon if we leave soon.”

Jemma looked more closely. It was too far to see and breakage of branches or other damage but it all started to look familiar from her maps. They made it.

That was less exciting than she expected. She looked back up at Fitz who was already looking happily down at her. “You know it wouldn’t be so bad if we were just a little late, I think there’s a museum not far from here.”

Fitz’s smile grew. “Let’s go.”

[agentdagonet]

Someday Surprise

read it here on AO3

‘Oi, Merlin!’

‘Yes, Eggsy?’ Merlin held his head in his hands, rubbed at his temples as he waited for whatever banal question Eggsy had decided was worth bothering him about now. Ten years had done nothing to break the boy’s (for he would always be a boy to him) ridiculousness.

‘When were you gonna tell me you ‘n Harry are immortal?’  Merlin’s head snapped up and his hands came down so quickly the keyboard was damaged from the impact. Eggsy was propped casually against a sofa, the door was closed and locked, and he raised an eyebrow in response to Merlin’s shock. ‘Well?’

‘I should probably ask what gave you that idea.’

‘Probably, but then I’d pull out,’ Eggsy drew from behind his back a photo album, a garishly coloured thing that hadn’t been touched in at least a decade, ‘this, and point out all the dates.’ Eggsy flipped it open to a random page, ‘America somewhere, 1808 (you couldn’t be arsed to remember where?); Australia, 1900; Belize, 1750- and, somehow, you don’ look any different. Except maybe your hair, but I figure that’s easy enough to fuck with...’

Each comment had Merlin sinking further into his chair. This is what happened when someone was allowed limitless access to their home- they found things that should have remained hidden. That had managed to be hidden for several hundred years, like collections of portraits and photographs that documented their travels.

‘And I assume you’ve come to a conclusion of your own?’

‘See, thing is, I thought I’d done, yeah? Thought I’d figured this shit out years ago,’ How long had Eggsy known about the book?  ‘But it didn’t match up. So I’m here, askin’ you to make sense of it.’ Merlin pinched the bridge of his nose between two fingers and huffed a breath before he tapped the edge of his glasses several times and turned away.

‘Hamish, are you entirely aware of what time it is in Singapore-’ Harry complained through a yawn that was heard but unseen through the glasses.

‘He knows, Harry.’ It was typed out, utilising a feature that Merlin had only put into place for people outside of himself. He hated trying to focus at two layers of sight- to both see what he was doing in the real world and what he was typing into the glass barely a handful of centimetres from his face.

‘I beg your pardon.’

‘Eggsy knows. Found the book.’

‘Well, shit.’

‘I’m still here, bruv.’ Eggsy interrupted dryly, like Harry commenting on their target’s poor choice of interior design. Like Merlin had added on ‘with no parachute’ while he had been in training nearly ten years ago, now.

‘Give us a moment, lad- we’ve never had to tell this story before.’ That seemed to assuage him, and Eggsy allowed himself to slide from the arm of the sofa down to sit on it proper. The book was still open on his lap, and from the corner of his eye Merlin could see him turning pages idly.

‘Put your glasses on, Eggsy.’ Merlin sighed, and Harry couldn’t help but laugh at him. ‘Stop your laughing.’

‘I told you that book would bite us in the arse someday, but no you needed to have a record-’

‘There’s only so much space in the human brain, Harry, how else are we supposed to keep track-’

‘Boys, boys, ain’t no need to argue about shit- I just wanna know. I been with you ages, I fuckin’ live in your house, and you lot’ve got more makeup stashed about than one of them internet models. Wouldn’ it be easier not to have to lie all the fuckin’ time?’ Eggsy jumped in, having somehow managed to tap into their line- which would normally be something to worry about but at the moment was at the bottom of Merlin’s list of cares.

‘I don’t remember how long ago it was- a millenia, I think?- I stopped for a drink of water on the way back home. Brought as much as I could carry home- I’d often forget to get water from the well, while working. I’ve always been a man of science, though what I was interested in was called magic at the time, and I had a task ahead of me that many people of the time thought impossible.’ Merlin began, and Eggsy closed the book. ‘I managed it-’

‘Of course you did,’ Eggsy interrupted, grin on his face, and as irksome as the interruption was the grin set Merlin at ease. It, more than anything, let Merlin know that this wasn’t going to end poorly, with the loss of Eggsy from their lives- it would just be… complicated… for a time.

‘I managed it but it was a lot of trial and error. I’d been throwing things together at random, tested things on some animals I’d trapped in the forest, eventually tasting one thing before inhaling fumes from another- as much a mad scientist as you could imagine- before getting the combination right. I delivered my creation and some supplies to the person I thought most likely to succeed in the idea we lot had crafted together, and went home to wait.’

‘When I got back,’ Harry jumped in, ‘months later, I confronted Merlin in his chambers. Demanded to know what devil he’d sold his soul to to see our mission completed, shoved him into a wall with a blade-’

‘I think he gets it-’

‘And until I saw the absolute confusion in his face I’d no idea that he’d had no idea-’

‘It was entirely an accident-’

‘Easy t’see you’ve never told this story before cos I got no idea what’s going on. You’re usually better at givin’ the facts, Merlin.’

‘Well it’s not every day you have to tell someone that you accidentally made King Arthur immortal.’ He snapped, ears red in a strange mix of embarrassment and fury, accompanied by Harry’s howling laughter at Eggsy’s face. Eggsy’d jumped as if electrocuted, sending the book to the floor and accidentally kicking it with a twitching foot so hard that it slammed into the leg of a nearby table, which caused a mug to fall and shatter.

It was the sort of thing film sets contrived to make the audience laugh in an otherwise tense moment- and, in this, Harry was the audience of one. Eggsy’s jaw dropped and Merlin growled to himself and cleaned the mess before turning back to the computer screen he’d been focusing on before Eggsy’s intrusion. Not truly seeing it, just pretending while he tried to pull himself together.

‘You’re tryin’ to tell me that you,’ Eggsy pointed at Merlin, ‘made some shit that accidentally made King Arthur immortal and then fuck knows how much later ended up here where the whole place is themed for King bloody Arthur?’ Eggsy was laughing, having snapped from shock to acceptance in a fraction of a moment, obviously only half speaking to Merlin as Harry’s laughter renewed itself for a moment. Merlin pulled a flask from his desk and poured the contents into a glass before setting it on the table before Eggsy.

‘Not quite, Eggsy,’ Harry breathed, seeming to understand Merlin’s continued silence as a cue to take the story over. ‘You see, I can’t even remember what the elixir was that Merlin sent me off with that day, that journey, so long before there were any real consequences and all we had was a collection of ideas. But, I do remember the traveler’s flask he’d passed to me, filled with water that tasted of sunlight.’ Harry sent a message to Merlin’s lenses, a simply understood ?????, but Merlin ignored him.

‘Not sure I get what you’re saying, Haz.’

‘The water, Eggsy,’ Harry said softly, whether from lack of breath of an attempt to make the facts easier to swallow he couldn’t tell, ‘it wasn’t anything Merlin had concocted, it was the water he’d brought back from the spring. Neither of us had any idea until I lost my temper with him when I got back. I’d pulled a dagger to try and scare Merlin into explaining the devilry he’d managed, and miscalculated-’ I’m not even THERE you arsehole another chat bubble appeared, and Merlin ignored that one as well before feigning outrage.

‘Miscalculated?! You stabbed me in the neck because you tripped-’

‘And nothing happened when the blade pierced his flesh. There was no blood; in fact Merlin didn’t quite know what had happened at first and continued to babble on as if nothing was amiss. Meanwhile I was so frozen in terror I couldn’t breathe which I then discovered I had no need to. Which is an odd thing to adjust to-’

‘You don’t have to breathe?’

‘Let me finish, Eggsy- we’ve spent the years since trying to solve the mystery of the spring- luckily Kingsman has near limitless resources- and the pair of us have made it our business to be masters of illusion in whatever technology develops. Yes,’ Harry interrupted Eggsy’s attempt to speak, ‘that means makeup. And every other kind of theatrical illusion that can be translated to the modern day- manipulating clothing so that others’ gaze is where you intend it to be and nowhere else.’

‘That is sick.’

‘There’s more than one reason to make a covert agency’s cover a tailor’s shop- both historically an excellent place to obtain information surreptitiously and a useful skill to hone when one must be covert.’

‘Which brings me to my next point- how long ago did you find the book, Eggsy? You never let on that something wasn’t sitting right with you.’

‘When I moved in; you shits didn’t so much as make space for me as drag me in like a fuckin’ sarlacc and expect me to make myself at home. Which I did-’ Eggsy panicked to add, seeing the hurt bloom on Merlin’s face at his statement, ‘don’t get me wrong I love that you didn’ even think about it, that you thought I’d fit that seamlessly into your home, but I started explorin’ and you got loads of weird shit hidden about. I thought it was a gag gift at first but it was too good, y’get me? But figured you lot’d tell me when you felt ready- didn’ realise I’d have to prise it from you myself.’

‘We’ve never had someone we wanted to tell before, Eggsy, if this spectacular shitshow doesn’t make that clear.’ Merlin spoke up for the first time in a long while, having finally pulled himself and his decision together. ‘But we were always going to tell you, once we figured out how. We didn’t even have to tell each other, this is literally uncharted territory, but,’ Merlin shook his head and met Eggsy’s gaze evenly, ‘that doesn’t make it undesired.

‘For your average person, a moment like this would have a fancy dinner, some romantic shite and a ring,’ Eggsy didn’t look away from Merlin, didn’t dare to blink, but it was easy to see the moisture welling in his eyes. Even if he was being a bit misleading, the intent here was the same. You’re here, Arthur- here we are, and here he is Merlin sent back, and he could hear Harry’s huff of laughter.

‘What Merlin’s trying to tell you, Eggsy, is that we have no intention of letting you get away from us. We’d like nothing more than to spend the rest of our lives with you.’ Harry whispered, and Eggsy couldn’t stop a tear from escaping though he wiped it away quickly.

‘Don’t you mean the rest of my life?’ His jaw was clenched, and Merlin could see the sad smile pulling at the edge of his mouth. The heartbreak he was causing himself.

‘We do a lot for the world; we risk the things we know others can’t, and we have been glad to do it and are glad to keep doing so- but we’ve allowed ourselves to suffer. We’ve distanced ourselves and made shite choices and we hadn’t even noticed how far we’d fallen from the path until you.

‘So no, Eggsy, we don’t mean the rest of your life-’ Merlin leant forward and pushed the glass across the tabletop, ‘we mean the rest of ours.’ 

Eggsy looked down, seemingly noticing the glass on the tabletop for the first time, and gasped. One hand pressed to his lips while the other twitched in his lap, as if Eggsy was holding himself back from taking it, and Merlin forgot to breathe.

‘... Are you sure?’ Eggsy whispered, having finally pulled his hand from his face as he searched Merlin’s eyes imploringly. As if there was something else mysterious and unseen happening at this moment. As if the rug was going to be pulled from beneath him if he lifted the glass from the table.

‘I can’t claim it will be easy, lad- and there’s no way to undo it. In a few hundred years if we argue, if we break, you’ll have to continue on. Perhaps we’ll find each other again, but maybe not.’

‘You two broke before?’

‘A couple dozen times, easily, but we took a few years apart and came back stronger for it, in the end. But, Eggsy, you’ll have to grow used to seeing the things you care for disappear, or change beyond recognition. It could break you, even if we don’t fall apart.’ Harry whispered, and Merlin watched as Eggsy swallowed heavily, eyes still on the glass, before he reached past it and pulled one of Merlin’s hands forward.

‘You think we can make it, Merthur?’ Eggsy looked up at him from between his lashes, tongue poking out and a cheeky grin breaking through.

‘Who?’

‘Y’know, Merthur, one of them couple names. Merlin and Arthur. Shove a bit of his and a bit of yours in there to get somethin’ new. D’you really think we can make it? Me ‘n you?’

‘Have you ever known me to make a decision without being certain of the outcome?’

‘No, but I still got to ask, yeah? This is big, this ain’t like movin’ in together, or a marriage, even; this is big. And, yeah, it’s gonna be heartbreakin’ at first- havin’ to watch everything go on without me- but,’ Eggsy squeezed Merlin’s hand and rubbed a thumb across his knuckles before he pulled away, ‘I’ve never done shite cos it was easy.’ As if he’d never hesitated in the first place, Eggsy threw back the glass of water with a smile that outshone the full moon on a cloudless sky.

‘Y’know, never thought about it before but Harry- Arthur- was right.’ Eggsy said a moment after, staring at the now-empty glass as he licked his lips.

‘About what?’

‘It does taste like sunlight.’

[amphtaminedreams]

My Amateur European Travel Guide

Hi to anyone who’s reading!

I spent just over a month in Europe over the summer and have far too many good food pics that deserve more than sitting in my camera roll untouched and thus I thought I’d do my very shitty, amateurish version of a travel guide, basically a run down of my favourite things that we did in each city. From touristy shit like the Colosseum and the Roman Forum to some equally beautiful but lesser known places, getting an inter-rail pass gives you the time to see everything whilst not spending an absolute fortune. 

I went with a friend and we did the basic, first-time traveller route: Paris, Amsterdam, Berlin, Prague, Vienna, Budapest, Ljubljana, Venice, Rome and Milan. The pass, which allowed us to use domestic and international trains on 10 separate days within a month, for students only cost £230. We did then have to pay extra for the Eurostar from St.Pancras to Paris, and additional “reservation” fees to get seats on the trains in Italy and between France and The Netherlands, but all in all this didn’t cost us anymore than about £50. The flight back from Milan to Southend Airport cost £30, though be warned that it’s actually pretty hard to get from Southend to central London; if we hadn’t been able to get a lift, we probably would’ve spent an extra £30 getting home from there. 

We were away for 3 weeks and 4 days in total, and on top of the approx. £700/£800 we spent on hostels and air b&bs, I spent about £1500 whilst I was away. You could probably get away with taking about £1000 with you if you’re willing to cook while you’re away. We did a couple of nights whilst we were in air b&bs, but on the whole, we usually ate out. The hostel kitchens were a bit of a nightmare, though I’m not going to pretend it was anything other than a combination of laziness and gluttony that stopped me from cooking, lol. HOW CAN YOU GO TO ITALY AND NOT GO OUT FOR PASTA EVERY NIGHT?! It can’t be done. With my non-existent self-control anyway. 

Once I got back from inter-railing, I also then spent a week with my family staying in the cutest seaside town about half an hour outside of Barcelona, Sitges, which we’ve visited a few times before. For that reason, I thought I’d write about some of my favourite things to do in and around Barcelona, not just from this trip but from all the times we’ve visited over the last few years.

I’ll start, though, with the first place we visited on our inter-railing trip: Paris.

Paris, France

It might be because it was the first place we went and the place where I had the most energy and drive to explore, lol, but Paris was my absolute favourite of the cities we visited. I know a lot of people seem to be disappointed with it but there’s just so much to do and so much culture; gorgeous architecture, art, fashion, food, I feel that it lives up to its reputation in every way if you really utilise your time there properly. The public transport is easy to understand and use and my only gripe with the hostel is that it was a little far out. This didn’t really limit us in any way though, so it didn’t bother me. 

The Hostel

Our first hostel, Jo&Joe’s in Gentilly, was a really cool place. I believe it was around £30 a night (one of the more expensive hostels we stayed in) to stay in a room like the one I've included a photo of. The beds were comfy and you had a decent amount of space, and the wi-fi was good. My only issue is that there wasn’t much privacy in terms of the bathroom; there was one toilet room and one shower room in the actual bedroom to be shared between the 6 of us. There didn’t really seem to be much about in Gentilly but to be honest, we didn’t venture very far and there’s more than enough to do in central Paris.

Paris Top Things to do:

1. Palais de Tokyo

Probably my favourite art museum we visited our entire trip, Palais de Tokyo was...an experience. 

Costing £8 for a student ticket, almost every piece of artwork in there was strange as hell. That being said, it was all very immersive and interactive and like nothing I’d seen before which is why I liked it so much. 

Well, apart from the dirty sock. Literally. There was a dirty sock on display. Art, right? 

2. Musee D’Orsay

I’d say if you only had time to do one of the “big” art museums in Paris, do Musee D’Orsay, not the Louvre.

 It’s a lot more compact and has a wider range of styles, plus a lot more modern art, including some Van Gogh and several Degas. I had so many favourite pieces from Louise Abbema’s Allegories of Spring and Winter, to Thomas Couture’s Romans in their Decadence:

Plus I’d take Amaury Duval’s portrait of Marie-Anne Detourbay over the Mona Lisa any day. The staring into your soul game she’s got going on is unparalleled.

3. Eiffel Tower 

I think the level of dumbassery involved in my decision to wear heeled boots to make the 500 or so step journey up the Eiffel Tower cancels out any smarts that went into us saving €3 by booking in advance and walking instead of getting the lift, but it’s all about the experience, lol, and I would do it again for the view. It only cost €5 in total and by booking online about a month before, we didn’t have to wait in what is usually about a 3 hour queue if you turn up on the day.

4. Yves Saint Laurent Museum

It only took us about an hour to do the Yves Saint Laurent museum but it was definitely worth the £10 for entry if you are interested in fashion. It was pretty quiet when we went which I liked as it made for a much more peaceful experience than say, the Louvre, and the museum is very well laid out. There’s a load of original pieces in there and I feel like I learned a lot about Saint Laurent himself too. I also learned that I am very unsophisticated (I really didn’t feel posh enough to be walking into the building, lol) but we been knew.

5. Sacre Couer 

Warning: The Sacre Couer is a very steep walk from the nearest tube station. I internally died. Several times. But it’s very beautiful once you get up there.

6. Monmarte

I wish we’d had more time to explore Monmarte as it was one of the prettiest places I saw on our trip, with so many cute restaurants and cafes. Top things to see in the area are the Wall of Love and though we didn’t actually go there, Montmarte Cemetery too. I found out when we got back that the latter is supposedly inhabited by a load of stray cats and now I am severely disappointed that we didn’t have a look. I guess I’ll just have to go back! You know, just to check if it’s true about the cats. And also eat some more of the food, ofc.

7. Vintage Shopping

We had a quick look in two of the vintage shops whilst we were in Paris, Kilo Shop and Tilt Vintage, and I saw a lot of really cool things. Unfortunately, because I couldn’t really fit anything else in my backpack and was being pretty tight with money at that point in the trip (an attitude my bank balance probably wishes had been sustained throughout, lol), I didn’t get anything. Still, I’d definitely recommend checking the shops I mentioned and the other vintage shops in that area out if you are interested in buying some clothes whilst you’re away. The only thing I’d say is to avoid them if you have trouble with crowds and/or small spaces as there were a shit tonne of people in pretty much all the ones we went in and because of the layout, not much room to move. And protip: if you like breathing non-body odour tinted oxygen, don’t venture in any of them in the middle of heatwave. Not fun. 

8. Champs Elysees 

I think it’s kind of a given that you see the Champs Elysees whilst you’re in Paris, but last time I was there, I only really saw it from an open top bus and was quiet underwhelmed. On this trip, we walked from the Louvre through the Tuileries and then slowly made our way down towards the Arc de Triomphe, having a look down the streets that run perpendicular to the Champs Elysees on our way, which were all very typically Parisienne. At the bottom, you have Aventue Montaigne which has all the fancy, designer flagship stores, and then down Avenue FDR (where we went for lunch) there are plenty of places to stop and have a bite to eat. I thought I’d been all French getting a baguette from down here before realising it was from a glorified Paul which we have all over London, BUT, if you’re into açai bowls, my friend had a really good one at a place called Cojean.

9. Versailles

Before we went to Versailles, a lot of people told me that it was really crowded and not worth going to but I couldn’t disagree more. It was so beautiful both on the inside and out and there’s so much to learn! I’ve always been fascinated by Marie Antoinette so I might be slightly biased but I was totally in my ex-historical nerd element. I would definitely recommend arriving as early as possible if you’re not paying for skip the line tickets, since we got there for around 10 and had to stand in a very long queue to get in. It did move quickly but looked very daunting at first and I imagine it only gets worse as the day goes on.

10. Disneyland Paris

I mean, we didn’t got there this time and technically, it’s not Paris. But come on, it’s Disney. I couldn’t leave it off the list.

Future Paris Bucket List:

Moulin Rouge

Musee d’Orangerie

Jardin du Luxembourg

Louvre Highlights Tour

Louis Vuitton Foundation

Paris Museum of Modern Art

Get dinner in Trocadero

Centre Pompidou

Paris Catacombs

Amsterdam, The Netherlands

Amsterdam is one of my favourite places ever. It’s picturesque, easy to find your way around, and full of amazing food. It was my second time here and my friend’s third so we had a pretty chilled out time but still did a lot. I definitely wouldn’t say no to going back again.

The Hostel

The hostel we stayed in in Amsterdam was called ClinkNoord and was a short (and free!) boat ride away from the city centre. Also at around £30 a night, the rooms were basic yet comfortable and the place as a whole had a modern, utilitarian vibe to it which I really liked. The bathrooms were a short walk down the hall, a more private alternative to the bathrooms in our Paris hostel, and were pretty much always free. As for the showers, they were a wet room kinda situation and a little bit grim at times but as long as you bring flip flops (I didn’t, another example of dumbassery, lol) you’ll be fine. Maybe this is the 10 year old in me leaping out but I really loved the bar area at this hostel too: drinks were cheap, but more importantly, it had table football, pool, AND a ping-pong room. WITH A BLACK LIGHT MIGHT I ADD!

Amsterdam Top Things to do:

1. Electric Ladyland

The edibles had already began to kick in a little bit by the time we got to Electric Ladyland so this might be a bit of an overstatement but this place was, in a good way of course, very trippy. It’s basically a mini fluorescent art museum and exhibition in this guy’s basement (not as weird as it sounds, lol), and for £5 you can go in and see it and then, if you hang around, watch him give a demonstration on how it all works and where he sourced his paint from. It says on the website that it’s by appointment only but we just turned up on the day just as a slot was about to start and were allowed in. In terms of taking an edible before you go in, maybe don’t, lol. It was a bit of a surreal experience; in a very dark room, listening to an old American hippy talk about how he explored caves in Utah to find mineral rocks, the weed-induced paranoia low-key kicked in. I did, at points, momentarily forget that there was a room around the point I was immediately focussed on and started panicking that we were just drifting through space. And then there was the occasional fear that I was trapped in some kind of eternal time loop where the man would just keep on talking in circles and I would be stuck down there forever, not wanting to be rude and leave whilst he was mid-sentence, as part of the universe’s karmic punishment for my impractical level of politeness and need to people-please. Climbing the ladder up out of the basement was...a little tricky, to say the least.

2. Pancake House

You have to have pancakes in Amsterdam and my friend recommended this place as the original one. I had a pancake with ice cream, caramel sauce and chocolate sauce and whilst a little sickly, it was tasty af. If I went again, I think I’d just stick to one sauce; it was so sweet that I had to admit defeat about halfway, something I do not look back on with pride. Next time, I will be victorious over one of these beasts of a pancake. Speaking it into existence.

3. Hire a bike and visit Vondelpark

There are plenty of ways to get about in Amsterdam and the trams are super easy to use but hiring a bike for the time you’re there is probably the cheapest and most Amsterdammy (I know, not really a word) way to get around. We hired our bikes from Starbikes by the central station and it was a very simple and affordable process which I would definitely recommend; their shop has some of the best reviews on Trip Advisor for bike hire. Riding along the canals is quite chilled but if you’re not super confident, the best place to go is probably Vondelpark, as it has wider lanes with the added bonus of not living in semi-permanent fear of being yeeted off your bike into the canal by a car coming up behind you. It also has friendly ducks! How can you say no to that? I mean, ignoring the fact that male ducks have like, 9 inch corkscrew penises which apparently spin when they mate. Thank Reddit for that life-altering and mildly disturbing piece of information.

4. Mannekin chips

The BEST Belgian fries which I spent the entirety of the rest of our trip craving. Best sauce combination is ketchup and samurai sauce, and I recommend going for a regular portion. The large is insane and I am very much in awe of anybody who can finish it.

5. Van Gogh Museum

We didn’t actually visit the Van Gogh museum on this trip but I went on my first visit to Amsterdam and you really can’t miss it. Not only does it have a lot of Van Gogh’s most famous works, including sunflowers, it has a lot of the work of the artists who inspired him as well as pieces from some of his contemporaries. 

7. Stedelijk

Really cool modern art museum with an interactive room where you can take part in activities relating to the current exhibition too. Though I guess it really depends on your art preferences, if you do only have time to do either this or The Rijksmuseum, I would definitely say Stedelijk. 

8. The Rookies Coffeeshop

So I can’t say I’ve tried a lot of the coffee shops in Amsterdam as on our first visit we only really went to this one and The Bulldog chain, and this time we didn’t go as much, but they do the best space cakes. They’re genuinely really tasty but they can be quite intense if you haven’t smoked in a while or don’t do so regularly so make sure you’re in somewhere you feel safe and have other people with you.

9. Amsterdam Dungeons

Though the Amsterdam Dungeons were more similar to the London Dungeons than I thought they would be, with less of a focus on the dark history of the area and more on general dark European history such as the Spanish Inquisition and witch trials which also came up a lot in the London run through, I would still thoroughly recommend them. The Dungeons are definitely a tourist trap but they’re also just hilarious and you genuinely do learn a little, so I think worth the money!

10. The Blonds Cafe

I wasn’t crazy about the menu here as I’m a ridiculously fussy eater but I think most people will easily find something they like, and the actual cafe and presentation is really cute. The grilled cheese sandwich I ended up having was really good and even if you end up just having a cake, I’d recommend it. They had lemon AND mint infused water dispensers, which, now I’m writing down doesn’t seem very exciting at all, but I got hyped up, okay? And worst case scenario, it’s not for you, there are loads of other cool and very hipster-y looking (lol) independent cafes in the area. 

11. Anne Frank House

Again, this was something I did on my first trip to Amsterdam, but you can’t miss it. From a history standpoint and as someone who read Anne Frank’s diary several times when I was younger, I found it very surreal to actually visit the house I’d heard so much about. You definitely get a sense of just how stifling and claustrophobic living in that annex was and even if you’re not into your history, I do think a lot of insight can be gained from taking a trip here! 

12. Go to one of the Pastry Shops

If you go to Amsterdam, you’ll see them everywhere, the little slightly shabby-looking cafes with all the amazing waffles and donuts and crepes and cupcakes in the window. Go to one! I had a waffle covered in white chocolate and Oreos and it was 1000% as good as it looked. 

13. Moco Museum

The last thing on my Amsterdam list and another thing we did on my first trip, the Moco Museum is one of my favourites I’ve ever been to. It’s pretty small and doesn’t take you that long to look around but it’s full of contemporary, provocative art based around the theme of political and social commentary. Given that description, it’s probably no surprise that it houses a lot of Banksy, but there’s also a fair bit of pop art too, and a very cool gift shop. Because I can never resist a good gift shop.

Future Amsterdam Bucket List:

A day trip to the tulip fields

De Poezenboot

Eye Film Museum 

Swing at A’dam lookout

Canal Cruise

Berlin, Germany

Berlin definitely wasn’t what I was expecting it to be. As a capital city, I expected it to be this very built up, bustling, commercial place, but it was actually pretty quiet and very spread out. In a way, it almost seemed a bit left behind and completely deserted in parts. That being said, from a historical point of view, it was probably the most interesting place that we went. It’s easy to forget that just a few decades ago the city was completely divided and you can definitely sense that it’s still rebuilding itself.

The Hostel

We stayed in a hostel that was tucked away in the basement of the Aletto hotel, just a minute’s walk away from the Zoologischer Garden station. I believe it was around £20 a night for an 8 person mixed dorm. The beds weren’t the comfiest and the room itself was a bit dark and dank, given that it was below street level, but all in all, the hostel was decent as a stop-off point. I liked that there was a kind of a small communal area in the kitchen and the bathrooms were spacious and clean, and fortunately, it was pretty quiet when we were there so we usually had them to ourselves. 

Berlin Top Things to do:

1. Never Ending Love Story

A really lovely little cafe in a pretty, quiet area, the service here was exceptionally good! I’m not one to complain when workers don’t seem overly enthusiastic, I work in retail so I get that you sometimes can’t be arsed with all the over-the-top politeness, but I do appreciate friendliness and the waitress here was so sweet. I had delicious scrambled eggs on sourdough toast and my friend had pancakes and we both really enjoyed our food. 

2. East Side Gallery

I wish I had more to say about the East Side Gallery, but to be honest I was pretty drunk and had half an edible-I thought we were going out out after, don’t judge me-so I can’t remember much. Judging from my very shitty and my friend’s very good (this is one of hers, lol) photos though, it was really interesting. Good street art is up there with the best of them imo and given the context of the gallery, it’s no surprise that a lot of the art is politically charged, which just adds an extra layer of appeal to it. There’s also a lot of good photo ops, or so drunk me clearly thought. 

3. Topography of Terror

Built on top of the former SS Reich Main Security Office, the Topography of Terror is a museum I’d say you need to set aside at least 2 and a half/3 hours for to properly do. There’s so much information to get through and I’d say I ended up skimming half of it towards the end because we were short on time; I later found out that there’s even more to see outside which we didn’t even touch. 

4. Jewish Museum

Unfortunately, a lot of the Jewish Museum was closed when we went but it’s still a very physically impressive building with exhibitions that are equal parts daunting and thought-provoking, relating to both the Jewish experience during the Second World War and Jewish culture in general.

5. Museum Island

We didn’t actually go in any of the museums on Museum Island but we walked around and sat at a nice little green spot nearby; t’s very pretty to explore, especially as the sun is going down. There were plenty of bars around and people drinking, sunbathing and listening to music by the river. Generally a really relaxed vibe.

6. Fritzies 

I know dirty fries aren’t the classiest thing ever but the ones from this place tasted really fucking good. How can you go wrong with a fast food restaurant dedicated to chips?

7. The History: Brandenberg Gate, Reichstag, Checkpoint Charlie, Hitler’s Bunker, Jewish Memorial

Most of these places are within walking distance of each other and we did them all within a couple of hours. Like I said, the best thing about Berlin is the history so I think making an effort to see all these things is really important. On our last night we managed to find out, via a nearby poster, about a free show on the river (with English subtitles obviously; as the basic monolingual bitch I am, anything other than dankeschön and hallo went right over my head) which covered major points in the history of the Reichstag over the last century; it was the perfect way to round off our trip.

8. KW Institute for Contemporary Art

This museum was half the overly pretentious contemporary art that makes classicists roll their eyes:

-though I do actually like it, sue me-

And half the simple, but millennially-inspired kinda stuff that I love. Like, that top collection got me feeling like the new Van Gogh every time I accidentally screenshot my home screen. 

So obviously, I rated it. And side-note, the building in general, which had an old, unused warehouse kinda thing going on, along with a shady little courtyard outside, was very cool.

9. Pizza Nostra

Look at this photo. Do I need to say any more?

Future Berlin Bucket List:

Historical River Cruise

Return to the Jewish Museum

The Story of Berlin Museum

Berghain (even just to see it from the outside)

About Blank, Suicide Circus, i.e one of the tamer, more mainstream clubs

Anne Frank Zentrum

Hackescher Hof

Oranienburger Strasse and Kunsthaus Tacheles

Prague, Czech Republic

I absolutely adored Prague. From the second I stepped out of the metro station into Old Town Square on our first evening, I felt like I was walking into a fairytale. All the buildings were so ornate and beautiful, everywhere you look is like a postcard. There’s so much history there which we only really had time to scrape the surface of and I can’t wait to go back.

The Hostel

We stayed at Hostel Dakura which was only around £15 a night and a few metro stops from the city centre. As you can see, it’s a little outdated but all in all, still clean and comfortable. The dorm and bathrooms were very spacious and there was an outdoor seating area with benches and ping-pong too. I’d definitely say it was good value for money.

Prague Top Things to do:

1. Explore Old Town

The Old Town part of Prague is definitely the main attraction, from the cute and very typically European seating areas outside the restaurants, to the Trdelnik shops, to the gothic statues, and the colourful buildings that surround them; you'll feel like you’re walking through a mix between a shopping mall and a medieval time capsule. There’s not really all that much point me putting Old Town on the must-do list as it’s pretty much unavoidable but I liked it so much I just couldn’t leave it out. I really haven’t been anywhere like it before. It’s part Westeros, part Fantasyland at Disney (with some stag dos thrown in), and that’s saying something; Disney World comparisons do not come easy from me.

2. Letna Hill

A bit of a steep walk uphill but totally worth it for the view of the city.  Lots of cool bars and places to get cheap beer and cider too, if that’s your kinda thing. Spirits, to my dismay, are pretty much the same price as they are back home. Not that it was on Letna Hill but I paid €20 for 2 doubles one night. €20. PRAGUE IS CHEAP FOR ALCOHOL, THEY SAID. YOU CAN GET PISSED FOR A TENNER, THEY SAID. IT’LL BE FUN, THEY SAID. Sigh.

PROTIP: Make sure you have cash on you, especially if you’re heading up Letna Hill, as they don’t take card at any of the bars and there aren’t any cash machines. There also aren’t any water fountains and the tap water isn’t drinkable, apparently. You know what there are, though? Rats. 

I’m going to stop before I put anyone off. Our experience wasn’t the best but done right, I think you could have a really chilled evening here. Go to Letna Hill. It’s lovely.

3. Prague Castle

Also a bit of an uphill walk, Prague Castle is a gothic dream with live music, tantalising food stalls (hehe, tantalising, somebody hire me to write their cookbook ASAP) and insane views. Half the time I felt like I was in King’s Landing and the other half Hogwarts, and that is the kind of 50/50 split I live for. 

4. Walk across Charles Bridge and walk alongside the Vltava River

I thought our day peaked when I came to the realisation, whilst crossing the Charles Bridge, that we were in fact surrounded by vaguely religious and mildly creepy Jesus-looking statues but then we reached the other side and soon after, became one with nature. We saw ducks! Otters. Swans. Inject that wholesome shit into my veins. 

Also, a pigeon landed on me! That’s right, if you stand there with your arm out for long enough whilst walking alongside the Vltava River, you too can experience the fleeting terror that comes with the possibility of being pooed on but then the earth-shattering realisation that comes after: that pigeons, maybe, aren’t so bad after all. That they’re actually kinda cute in their own weird, scavenging way! That maybe the pigeon lady in Mary Poppins made some points! I mean, can’t we all relate to wanting to steal other people’s food? I definitely can. Consider me a changed woman.

5. GOAP Museum

Though I’m not much of a Salvador Dali fan and I have a sneaking suspicion that some of the “artwork” in this museum was actually just prints from google blown up on A2 photo paper, I thoroughly enjoyed the Alphonse Mucha and Andy Warhol sections of the GOAP. 

-Untitled Salvador Dali-

The former is one of my absolute favourite artists so I definitely had to take a moment when I walked in and saw that not only did they have several of his original lithographs, but also a whole wall dedicated to him. I wish I had good photos but the lighting was a bit too artificial to really do it justice. The lithographs came out pretty well though:

Obviously Andy Warhol is an icon too; his exhibition in particular was hugely informative and well laid out, definitely a people pleaser. I couldn’t find all too much online but it seems like the exhibitions mentioned are permanent, so definitely go and check them out. 

I also feel the need to mention that it was here I ascended to an elite level of art hoe by buying a Mucha lighter. Jokes on me because it doesn’t work very well, like...at all in anything windier than a very, very mild breeze, BUT it looks pretty, so points for that. 

6. Cafe Chloe

Seeing the size of the queue outside Elan Cafe in London, it kinda blew my mind that considering its flower wall, you could just walk into Cafe Chloe and get a table straight away. Obviously the flower wall is a draw for Instagram purposes (yes, I’m a shallow human being, *insert Ariana Grande “and what about it?” gif here*) but the food was really good too. The perfect place to stop off for brunch. 

7. Pedalos

Again, the pedalos under Charles Bridge are kind of a tourist trap but it was only around €12 between us to rent one for the hour; most of them appeared to be 4 seaters so you could get 2 more people in there and split the price again, making it even cheaper. Plus, it was really fun and we got to go right up to the ducks! 

8. Karlovy Lazne

I’m not gonna lie, tackiness aside, I love a club with multiple rooms and this one had FIVE. There were a lot of English people in there and it did cost about 12 euros in cash to get in (take the cash out in advance as the machine outside charged quite a steep fee), but they played ABBA on more than one occasion so I have zero regrets. I mean, apart from drinking maybe a bit too much once again, but that’s kind of a given at this point. I can only apologise to my liver and what’s left of my dignity.

9. Joy Burger

NGL, the service here wasn’t the best and I kind of felt like I was annoying some of the staff literally just by trying to order my food BUT to be fair, I’d probably be annoyed by me too considering my upholding of the British tradition of asking everywhere if they speak English and hoping for the best rather than actually learning the native language. Anyway, back to the point: look at this burger. Fit. 10/10 would demolish again.

Future Prague Bucket List:

Museum Kampa

Petrin Hill

One of the free city walking tours

Pub crawl

Vienna, Austria

Honestly, of all the places we went to, Vienna was the one I was most pleasantly surprised by. Before going, I’d heard that there wasn’t much to do there and I thought that 24 hours would be more than enough to see the main attractions, but aside from Paris, it’s probably the city I want to revisit most. On every other block there seemed to be some kind of beautiful flower garden or sprawling palace or stately home or elegant cafe, but at the same time, it still had a very modern feel to it. A lot like Paris but more compact, and with a slightly Germanic twist. Plus, I had one of the best Maccies of my life here, so I really can’t complain.

The Hostel

For around £18 for the night we stayed in a 6 person dorm at the Wombats Hostel by Naschmarkt. Because we weren’t there too long, I didn’t get all that much of a feel for it but the communal areas and bar seemed very cool and the central part of the city was in walking distance. The dorms were a little small and outdated and we did get woken up by a fire alarm in the middle of the night but it gave me a kind of primary school trip type nostalgia so I didn’t mind too much. I’d probably look for another hostel if I went back to Vienna just because I think if you were staying for a while, you'd start to feel a bit cooped up in the room. For the one night, however, it was ideal.

Vienna Top Things to do:

1. Museum Quartier

We really only walked through Museum Quartier but there seemed to be loads going on and definitely lots to look at. There’s also a giant astroturf covered waterbed which sounds kinda wack but was actually super fun when I wasn’t fearing my head was going to be squashed like a watermelon by the kids quite literally throwing themselves around on it. So yeah! Check it out!

2. The Traffic Lights

It sounds silly but the traffic lights in the central part of Vienna are super cute. Have a stroll around and see how many of them you can spot. Berlin’s Ampelmann wishes. 

3. Belvedere Palace Grounds

Boujie. 

4. Schonbrunn Palace Grounds

Even boujier.

5. Volksgarten

I really felt like I was walking through the Red Queen’s gardens. Minus the crochet and threat of decapitation of course.

6. Max and Benito

SO GOOD. And a really funky seating area outside too. Probably best for a quick lunch and I also imagine would make great drunk food if you need an excuse to day drink. 

Future Vienna Bucket List:

Natural History Museum of Vienna

Wien Museum

Leopold Museum

Belvedere Museum of Contemporary Art

Cafe hopping

Further explore MuseumQuartier 

Naschmarkt

Budapest, Hungary

It might be an unpopular opinion but I didn’t adore Budapest as a city. To be honest, my expectations were probably slightly too high as I’d heard so many people rave about it. I can see why people like it so much: there’s loads of great places to eat, drinks are cheap, and ruin bars are very cool. My issue was just that I thought there’d be more to do in terms of daytime activities. The one art museum we went to was completely deserted and there didn’t seem to be as many historical places to explore as in some of the other cities we visited. Of course it’s all a matter of personal preference and I might have just not done enough research/planned enough, plus that’s still not to say I didn’t have a good time. We had some lovely chilled out days and the city kind of comes alive in a different way in the evening; the boat party we went to was by far the best night out we had throughout our trip and I had some insanely delicious food. We also hired an Air B&B here for about half the price of some of the hostels we stayed in, and so got to actually settle down and spread our stuff out for a few days; something that was much needed after living out of lockers for 2 weeks.

Budapest Top Things to do:

1. Mr.Funk’s

Look at this bad boy and tell me you don’t want to go to Mr.Funk’s and try one of their freakshakes. Tell me that freakshakes being banned in the UK wasn’t a devastating miscarriage of justice and an attack on my human rights. Tell me that I’m not a failure for leaving a donut behind. Pls. Validate me. 

2. Street Food Karavan

Street Food Karavan is such a cool little spot with so many delicious looking food stalls, I honestly could’ve eaten there for breakfast, lunch and dinner every day. Plus loads of vegan and veggie options too.

3. Boat Party

I believe we booked our night through budapestboatparty.com and honestly it was so fun and such good value for money. It may have partly been down to the alcohol and the edible I had before, lol, but everything felt so surreal; I spent 90% of the event just being amazed by how beautiful our surroundings were and the combination of the breeze and the scenery and the music made for the absolute best atmosphere. Everyone we spoke to was so friendly and if I went back I’d love to do it again, maybe slightly more sober (unlikely) so I can take even more of it in. That being said, bear in mind that these kind of things can probably be a bit hit or miss. The friend that recommended the boat party told me that she spent the first half of the event avoiding being hit on by men twice her age, so clearly it depends a lot on the company, lol!

4. Kiosk

We didn’t actually have proper meals at Kiosk but we did find some deck chairs to sit on whilst we ate ice cream from one of the stalls they were running outside. The restaurant itself was inside but the outdoor seating had a stunning view of the sunset and the river and the area in general was really buzzing. 

5. Shoes on the Danube

It’s a simple monument but the story behind the Shoes on the Danube makes it one of the most important things to see in Budapest.

6. Szechenyi Baths

Before we actually went into the baths, I was a bit grossed out. Like, it sounded great in theory but then we got there and I realised we were about to step into what is essentially a steaming pit of bodily fluids. BUT, put that minute, mildly repugnant detail aside and you’ll have a brilliant time. Start with the whirlpool in the outdoor area and by the time you’ve done that, you’ll be feeling wild enough to bath and sauna hop to your heart’s desire. Unless you are a real, compulsive germaphobe, pissing yourself at the sight of little kids and adults alike getting uncontrollably whisked around like a bunch of sweaty egg yolks is enough to make you put any (don’t get me wrong, warranted) hygiene concerns to one side. You can shower when you’re dead. That’s what they say, right?

7. Margaret Island 

I think we had one of our most relaxed afternoons at Magaret Island, lying out on the grass by the dancing fountains; it’s definitely a great place to sunbathe, read, or grab a cheap alcoholic drink. There’s options for if you’re feeling more adventurous too: on our second visit there, we paid €10 between us to hire a pedal car for the hour and decided to cycle round the island. It was by the grace of god (or for the most part my friend’s very necessary backseat driving) that there was only one casualty of my steering. Angry Hungarian man, if you’re out there, I’m very sorry our pedal car almost knocked you off your bike. My bad. But yeah, my catastrophic attempt at doing the bare minimum physical activity aside, go and chill on Margaret Island. It’s super pretty.

8. Buda Castle and Fisherman’s Bastion

Just a heads up that we paid around €4 or €5 each to go up to the top of Castle Hill with one of the companies giving out flyers at the bottom, so have a look and see if you can find a better deal before paying to ride the funicular. Once we did get up there we could hop on and off, and the ticket included a ride down as well. In terms of what to expect when you get up there, spectacular views. Though I found the castle itself a bit disappointing, Fisherman’s Bastion was really beautiful and had some great photo spots. If I went back to Budapest, I’d probably spend more time in the area as I think that’s where a lot of the history actually is.

9. Szimpla Kert

Probably the most famous ruin bar in Budapest, I really loved Szimpla Kert. It was a bit chaotic and very crowded but the eccentric interiors and open air courtyard gave it an almost magical feel that only a tiny number of bars I’ve been to have anything on. Vaulty Towers and Bar Elba in Waterloo I’m looking at you. Missing you and your overpriced drinks always xoxo

10. House of Terror

The House of Terror was my only real history fix whilst we were in Budapest and I found it really interesting. In particular, I liked how all the visitors took sheets of information in each room to read in our own time rather than us all trying to crowd round one sign. The basement part of the museum is presumably the main draw, and I understand why given how unnerving it is, but I enjoyed the whole museum. Obviously there are things you have to take with a pinch of salt and (our Air B&B host warned in our welcome package that it was slightly biased; I couldn’t find much about public opinion of the museum online so if by the slim chance somebody who knows more is reading this please let me know! Educate me!), but at the same time, if just for walking through the site of the past atrocities, there is definitely something to be gleaned by visiting.

11. Parliament Building

There was really no need for the Hungarian Parliamentary building to step on Westminter’s neck like that but...I guess she did what she had to do.

12. Ludwig Museum

Like I mentioned, this museum was pretty deserted but they did have some cool contemporary art and in particular an exhibition dedicated to the fashion designer Kiraly Tamas which I really enjoyed. His are the pieces in the photo above!

13. Donut Library

Oreo donuts. Need I say more?

14. La Fabbrica 

A very boujie but surprisingly affordable Italian restaurant right opposite St.Stephen’s basilica (pictured), I had one of the many top tier spag bols on this trip here. The toilets are also stylish af and made me feel very much like a peasant so maybe wear something nice so you can get those good good HQ bathroom mirror pics. I was certainly not in any shape to do so. Those toilets were really wasted on my scruffy ass that day. 

Future Budapest Bucket List:

The Hungarian National Gallery

Műcsarnok

Museum of Fine Arts

Budapest History Museum

Hungarian State Opera House

Flippermúzeum

Instant

Great Synagogue 

Memento Park

Secret Walking Tour

Ljubljana, Slovenia

Though we mainly went to Ljubljana so that we could visit Lake Bled, it was still a very cute little area. Pretty small for a capital city but there were loads of day trips out from the centre and for the evenings, a whole range of lively bars and restaurants along the river. 

The Hostel

We stayed at Hostel Kva right in the city centre and paid around €20 a night. The hostel itself was lovely and kind of felt like more of a young people’s B&B than hostel; the communal area in particular had a very cosy, personal feel to it and the staff were incredibly friendly and helpful. That being said, the actual rooms were very small and I did feel pretty cramped whilst we were there, more so than in any of the other hostels we stayed at. 

Ljubljana Top Things to do:

1. Meselkova Mesa

About a 15 minute walk from the city centre, Meselkova Mesa is a very interesting place. I'm not going to lie, I did feel a little on edge whilst we were there, lol; it was pretty deserted apart from a couple of men having a very loud argument. Nevertheless, there’s some very cool buildings and street art so if you’re in a group, check it out.

2. Lake Bled

Our day trip to Lake Bled, a half hour coach journey from Ljubljana Station for IIRC €8 return, was one of my favourite things we did whilst inter-railing. Not only is it absolutely magnificent to look at but there’s so much to do that I feel like you could have your whole holiday there if you wanted to. Assault courses, hikes, swimming, water sports, rowing, tobogganing, chilling on the (yes, artificial) sand, whether you want to relax or thrill-seek, you’re going to have plenty to do.

3. Puffy

These mini pancakes were so good that I didn’t even notice the chocolate sauce was Nutella and that’s saying something because WHY DO THEY PUT IT ON EVERYTHING IN MAINLAND EUROPE!? PEOPLE WHO DON’T LIKE NUTELLA HAVE RIGHTS TOO!

4. Pop’s Place

The best burger of the entire trip, hands down, and the whole menu looked delicious. Would I fly to Ljubljana just to have another one? Probs. 

5. Tivoli Park

A great place to sit down and read a book or go on a bike ride, or alternatively, if you’re me, awkwardly hide from a bunch of people from your hostel you irrationally believed were judging you earlier that day in the bathrooms.

6. Castle Walk

The uphill walk did kill me a little but I am mildly asthmatic so let’s put it down to that. Nothing to do with the fact I haven’t been to the gym in a year. Nothing at all. Anyways, the view was very pretty and though we didn’t go inside the castle, there’s apparently an escape room in there as well as a museum, a restaurant and a jazz club so definitely worth the minor hike.

7. Flower Market

If you go to the square where the food market is, by Dragon Bridge, you’ll find endless stalls of some of the most beautifully arranged flowers I’ve ever seen. It might be a seasonal thing, I’m not sure, but if you’re there in the summer, I’d recommend seeking the market out. They’re a very reasonable price and yes, I did specifically buy a sunflower for a photo op for 50 cent, guilty as charged. When vanity is that cheap I really can’t resist, lol.

8. Illusions Museum

I would definitely recommend going with at least one other person to get the most out of the Illusions Museum and €10 is pretty pricey but if you want to get a cheesy oh-look-I’m-standing-on-the-ceiling photo, here is your best bet.

9. Grefino Frozen Yogurt

I’m not gonna lie, I don’t actually like frozen yogurt myself but I can appreciate good food when I see it and my friend’s portion looked FIT. Plus, I always get excited when anything’s make your own; there will always be a part of me that feels incomplete without regular trips to Pizza Hut to overdo it with the ice cream factory (which this is basically a frozen yogurt, grown up version of). Miss you always. 

Future Ljubljana Bucket List:

Escape Castle

Ljubljana Castle guided tour

Tobogganing at Lake Bled

Row to the Pilgrimage Church of the Assumption of Maria at Lake Bled

Škocjan Caves

MSUM

Venice, Italy

Everywhere you look in Venice is picture perfect. It literally looked exactly how it did in all the photos I’d seen beforehand. There’s so much to do and so many amazing looking places to eat, I could easily spend a relaxed week here. Emphasis on the relaxed because getting around does involve a lot of walking and a surprising amount of stairs, and we had to pack as much as we could into the short amount of time that we had. By the end of our first day in Venice alone, the word exhausted had a whole new meaning. In terms of public transport, there’s only really the boat system, and that’s a steep €18 for a day ticket. Probably partly due to my moaning, we did end up getting one of these on our last day, but that meant that we also got to go to the islands of Murano and Burano which are included. I definitely wouldn’t say no to going back but it’s quite an overwhelming space: a bit disorientating, crowded, and very expensive! You’d have to give me a few years, lol!

The Hostel

Whilst in Venice we stayed at the Wombats Hostel in Mestre, for around £13 a night. We were lucky in that it had only opened the week before (they were actually celebrating its opening at the Wombats in Naschmarkt when we were there!), and so it was super cheap. I imagine by now the price would’ve increased as it was a lovely hostel. Being new there were obviously some teething problems: queues on the front desk were pretty long, the free drinks vouchers given out had mistakes in that you couldn’t redeem them for one of the drinks that was listed, the kitchens were apparently very overcrowded with 2 faulty hobs between about 50 people, and our room as well as the bathroom in the lobby frequently ran out of toilet paper. Other than that, the dorms were the most spacious, modern and breathable of all the hostels we stayed in and the bar and communal areas were great. The only thing to bear in mind is that you do have to get a train into the main island of Venice, but it’s only about €3 for a return and it’s a short journey. 

Venice Top Things to do:

1. Peggy Guggenheim

A really beautiful museum and garden right on the waterfront, there were all kinds of modern and contemporary art and even a piece (pictured above) by Jenny Holzer who is one of my favourite contemporary artists! I definitely fangirled a little! Some other standouts were by Jackson Pollock, Pablo Picasso, Andy Warhol, Max Ernst, Joan Mitchell and Willem de Kooning which I’m going to offload here to free up some space on my camera roll, lol:

Composition by Joan Mitchell (1962)

Silver Bedhead by Alexander Calder (1945-1946)

Untitled by Willem de Kooning (1958)

Circumcision by Max Ernst (1946)

2. Liberia Acqua Alta

An eclectic little bookshop tucked away down some Venetian side street with tower upon tower of some of the most random combinations of books I’ve ever seen, my favourite thing about Liberia Acqua Alta was the cat chilling behind the counter. It’s shameful the vigour with which the crazy cat lady in me jumped out but I actually did start tearing up at the sight of it. I hadn’t seen a cat in 3 WEEKS! I missed my babies okay:(

3. Takeaway Pizza 

There’s loads of fresh takeaway pizza places around Venice but this particular slice was from a place called Farini. I think there might be more than one of them, and to be honest, when there’s pizza that delicious looking in the window, it would be a crime not to at least seek one out.

4. St.Mark’s Square and Basilica and Bridge of Sighs

It might be a huge tourist trap but you really can’t miss St.Mark’s Square. The Basilica is one of the most magnificent buildings I’ve ever seen and even as someone who is not at all religious, you can appreciate the thought and craftsmanship that went into it. The astrological clock right next to the basilica is also absolutely stunning, just as much so as the one in Prague, imo:

Getting dive-bombed by a flock of pigeons in the square was fun too. My life flashed before my eyes just for a moment. It was a humbling experience.

5. Leonardo Da Vinci Exhibit at Palazzo Zaguri

Basically, this exhibit was a collection of Da Vinci’s drawings of the anatomy of the human body side by side with the corresponding plasticised body parts. Really interesting and not at all as gory as it sounds, which was really the only disappointing part for me, lol.

6. Fondaco de Tedeschi 

If you want a good view of the city without paying a fortune, Fondaco de Tedeschi is your place. It’s a fancy mall with a rooftop area that you can, by booking a time slot online, go up for free. 

7. "Get Lost”

I’m not really someone that enjoys walking around aimlessly but if you’re gonna do that anywhere, Venice is your place. Every street and bridge and balcony is postcard worthy and there are pizza and ice cream and just generally good food places everywhere. You’re bound to stumble across at least one authentic, non wholesale mask shop whilst you’re wandering, and although there’s something vaguely creepy about a load of these blank faces staring out the shop windows at you, some of the displays are totally bewitching:

The middle display is from the shop window of the place that made the mask for Stanley Kubrick’s Eyes Wide Shut which I thought was very cool!

8. Get a boat pass and visit Murano and Burano

As I said, on our last day we bought a boat pass (€18) and visited the nearby islands of Murano and Burano, Murano being the island famed for its glass, and Burano for its rainbow houses. Burano was definitely my favourite of the two; it was a buzzing place full of charming little stalls and shops and boats, and of course, colour. Plus, we even got some close cat encounters in there! Murano was pretty but a lot quieter and seemingly more spread out. The glass shops get a bit old after a while as most of them all have the same things in and so I think finding out where you can see a glass blowing demonstration or visiting the glass museum is a good idea if you are thinking of visiting.

9. Osteria Trattoria Al Nono Risorto

This was a super affordable little restaurant with a really lovely outdoor seating area, recommended by my friend’s mum. The service wasn’t amazing (they forgot about my friend’s pizza, lol) but I had what was probably my number one spaghetti bolognese of the whole trip here, and the garden was very pretty. Finding spots to eat a proper meal in Venice that aren’t going to charge you, like, €12 for the privilege of sitting down in a nice place is hard so I would definitely recommend checking this one out.

Future Venice Bucket List:

La Biennale di Venezia

Lido di Venezia

St.Mark’s Campanile

Chiesa de San Giacomo

Gondola ride

Doge’s Palace

Punta della Dogana

Bugno Art Gallery

Palazzo Fortuny

Rome, Italy

Our final overnight destination, Rome was a lot more cosmopolitan than I expected it to be. I was so focussed on the historical side of things that I kinda forgot it’s a capital city and thus, is going to obviously be pretty commercial. Still, it’s strange to just be going down a very pedestrian street on a tram, turn to one side, and see the bloody Colosseum there. I’m not going to lie, by the time we got to Rome I wasn’t feeling my best and was physically pretty exhausted so I don’t feel like I got to appreciate it as much as I should have done; I ended up going back to our Air B&B a couple of the days, largely due to the heat. It was almost 40 fucking degrees! I was honest to god DRIPPING in sweat on the tram back at one point! But I definitely want to go back again, maybe some time when we aren’t feeling the effects of the planet withering and dying as much, and explore even more. Rome is undoubtedly a very cool place.

Rome Top Things to do:

1. Colosseum and Roman Forum

Before we went to the Colosseum and the Roman Forum, I kind of expected it to be something you looked at, went “wow, that’s cool”, and then moved on, lol, and I was low-key a bit pissed off that we were paying €20 to do so. When we did arrive, though, I was blown away by the scale of both the landmarks and how much there was to see and do there. The Roman Forum in particular went on for ages and there were signs regularly dotted about to tell you what it was you were looking at, what it used to be, and who built it, amongst other things; though I’d love to go back with a tour guide, it’s really not necessary. I can’t tell you how starstruck I was to see the foundations of a temple that Julius Caesar ordered to be built; the Romans have always been fascinating to me and I genuinely feel like I learnt SO MUCH on our visit. We booked a last minute whistle stop tour that got us in and out of both venues with allotted time slots, meaning that we couldn’t stay too long in the Forum, so I’d say if you can afford it, just go full out and buy skip the line tickets in advance. You could definitely make a day of it.

2. Fattori Ice Cream

From a really cute little independent shop near the Air B&B we were staying in, this ice cream was SO GOOD that my fussy-ass-self didn’t even mind that I’d accidentally picked a flavour with lemon in. It’s a bit out of the way but I’d say worth the journey, and there’s supposed to be a lot of good street art nearby so there’s non-food related excuses to make the detour too.

3. Vatican Museums and Basilica

Honestly, the Vatican is worth going to for the ceilings alone. Raphael’s frescos are some of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen, and if anything was going to turn me (to Christianity I mean, lol), it’d be them. I love contemporary art and on the whole find classic art to be a bit repetitive and same-y in its themes but some of the work that can be found in the Vatican is just an example of the level of passion and dedication and patience that can be found in so many pieces of the period and is something that I think modern art can occasionally lack.

4. Aventine Hill

You’d think that a spot with such a good view of the city would be absolutely mobbed but Aventine Hill is just as serene as this photo makes it look. Do-ably uphill, amazing place to watch the sunset, and heads up: I can’t think of anywhere more romantic to propose.

5. MamaEats

One of many lively restaurants in the Travestere area, I had (surprise, surprise) another glorious spaghetti bolognese here. IIRC, they also specialise in gluten free food which is very forward-thinking!

6. Travestere and Riverbank

As I mentioned, Travestere is known for its host of buzzing bars and restaurants, but one thing we didn’t know about until we got to Rome was all the stalls and activities down on the riverbank. Though it didn’t seem to be a year-round thing, there was a whole strip of amazing food places and clothes and jewellery stalls and even some kind of VR experience down there which I would definitely recommend checking out if you are in Rome for the summer months.

8. St.Paul’s Outside the Wall

A really beautiful Church both inside and outside that's lacking absolutely nothing of St.Peter’s Basilica except the queues, my protip for visiting St.Paul’s Outside the Wall is to WEAR SOMETHING COVERING YOUR KNEES AND SHOULDERS. I mean, I’d say the same thing for all of the Italian Churches, but specifically this one because they WILL force these blue sheets of tarpaulin masquerading as “ponchos” upon you and you WILL feel like a complete and utter twat. You have been warned. 

9. Street Art 

We didn’t quite walk far enough to get to the cluster of street art by St.Paul’s Outside the Wall, but what we did see we found easily through the StreetArtRoma app, which marks out the various murals and professional graffiti points around the city. I think a really interesting day would be to hire a bike or a scooter and use the app to explore those various clusters that are dotted all around the city. 

10. Largo di Torre Argentina

The site where Julius Caesar (yep, him again) was assassinated, but also the site which is now populated by a group of very cute, and also very friendly cats. We didn’t get to go in the daytime when the actual cat sanctuary was open but when I went down the steps to get a closer look at the site one of the evenings, several of them came to say hello! No offence to any Christians out there, but if there was one point on this trip when I felt I was truly in the presence of something greater, it was here. And they were furry and adorable. With whiskers:3

11. Parthenon, Trevi Fountain, Piazza Navona

Basically, you gotta do all the big tourist spots. Yes, the Trevi fountain felt a lot like an overcrowded kids’ swimming pool, and yes, I did fear I was about to get yeeted into the fountain like a coin at some points too, but it is undeniably a very captivating sight. Along with the Parthenon, it’s a prime example of Rome not really being what I expected, because there’s no big clearing for either of them; they’re literally just slap bang in the middle of the street like they’re NBD, which is kinda wild considering they're hugely important pieces of history and architecture. Piazza Navona is very pretty too and a great place to sit down and get something to eat, even if it was just boxed pasta from one of the supermarkets round the corner in our case. 

Future Rome Bucket List:

Galleria Borghese

MAXXI Museum

MACRO Museum

Cinecitta Film Studios

Galleria Nazionale d'Arte Moderna

Capitoline Museum

Milan, Italy

We only visited Milan for the day as that was where we got out flights home from but I still really enjoyed it. I went once in 2018 and I think the appeal back then was lost at me, but this time I get it: shopping, lol. There’s also a lot of art and fashion museums which are a huge part of the draw, and of course, the Galleria Vittorio Emanuelle; I think if you’re a person with *ahem* a fucking shitload of money, that’ll be enough to occupy you for at least a day or two.

Milan Top Things to do:

1. Galleria Vittorio Emanuele 

The oldest shopping mall in Italy and undoubtedly the most beautiful, the Galleria Vittorio Emanuele might be the boujiest place I’ve ever stepped foot in. Sure, the shops are too intimidatingly expensive to consider even attempting to enter but they’re fun to marvel at and the general area has every typical high street store you can think of. Even the Zara in Milan looks like a fashion Haus inside! The same shop that in my local town centre resembles a jumble sale a good 50% of the time! So yeah, despite not having any money to spend and the fact that I was *supposed* to be on a shopping ban until October, I still like wandering around the area.

2. Novecento Museum

With several floors of modern art, interactive exhibitions (which you had to sign a RELEASE FORM to participate in), and an amazing view of Il Duomo upstairs, I really enjoyed the Novecento Museum. I thought it was going to a be a disappointing alternative to the Armani Museum, which was closed at the time, but it ended up being one of my favourite museums we visited on our whole trip.

3. Sforza Castle 

My friend that we met up with whilst in Milan (she has a flat in the city! I’m very impressed!) took us here and we sat down in the grounds for a bit, which was a nice way to chill out for an hour or so. There was a fountain out the front that people were paddling in to cool off too and there seemed to be several exhibits going on inside the castle as well if you did want to get a bit of background.

4. Starbucks Reserve Roastery on Via Cordusio 

The fanciest Starbucks I’ve ever seen in my life. Again, intimidatingly so. But if you like your coffee you will probs be in heaven.

5. Gallerie d’Italia

So me and my sister went here the last time we came to Milan and IIRC, really liked it. The modern art section was a bit sparse but the rest of the museum continued into some kind of grand old building and the usual stately home staples that I love were of course there in abundance: intricate ceilings, palatial stairways, opulent chandeliers, beautiful flower gardens, the place is basically a labyrinth of decadence and we lapped it up, lol. People being rich enough to own buildings like this? No. Them being open to the general public so we can go wild in them? Yes. 

Future Milan Bucket List:

Armani Museum

Navigli

Go in the Duomo

Barcelona, Catalonia

I’ve been to Barcelona about 4 or 5 times now and aside from Paris and London, there is no other European city that compares. It’s so huge, full of character and unique beauty, and endless things to do, that I could return probably about 10 times more and still leave with an incomplete bucket list. With stunning architecture, a laid-back coastline and bustling commercial areas, it’s a city with such a consistent vibe and sense of history. The only thing they could do to make it better? Take down the Christopher Columbus monument. Because having a giant statue of a man who facilitated the genocide of a whole country full of native people is a bit...yikes. Sorry, had to drop that in there. But on the whole I adore the place.

Barcelona Top Things to do:

1. CosmoCaixa

We didn’t actually go to CosmoCaixa on this trip to Barcelona, but we went a few years ago and it’s without a doubt, the coolest science museum I’ve ever been too. There’s information in Spanish, Catalan and English so most people can probably follow the exhibitions and even if not, there’s a whole interactive area with a load of contraptions that you don’t really need to understand to be entertained by. You could definitely make a whole day of it too; we went for about 3 hours and still only scratched the surface.

2. Museu Nacional d'Art de Catalunya (MNAC)

2 things!

Firstly, this is a portrait of Colette, the French novelist, which me and my sister got really excited about because we kinda stan after watching that Kiera Knightley film!

Secondly, and probs more importantly, the modern art section of Museum Nacional d’Art de Catalunya is one of the most ingeniously laid out I’ve even seen. With the sections separated into different eras of Catalonian art, it kinda reads like a whistle stop tour of the cultural history of Barcelona, and so not only did I see so many gorgeous paintings, I got educated af!  Also, the building which the museum is housed in, the Palau Nacional, is stunning. Plus, there are escalators most of the way up. Iconic.

3. Portaventura

It was my sister and I’s fourth time visiting Portaventura this year and it was as amazing an experience as ever! The park is split into different themed areas, kinda like Disney, and has everything from thrill rides to Sesame Street Land (which is low-key super fun). It has what is probably one of my favourite rides ever, Shambhala, and also randomly the best theme park food I’ve ever tasted. One thing I would say is that the accompanying park, Ferrari Land, isn’t worth the extra money as the queues are super long, and there’s only really one ride worth going on, which is basically just a replica of Stealth at Thorpe Park. Same goes for the neighbouring water park; unless you’re going to pay for express passes there, give it a miss. The lockers are €10, the queues are ridiculous, the wave pool didn’t work (not that the staff bothered to tell everyone who was just stood there waiting for an hour) and the “lazy” river is pure anarchy. Literally, kids half-drowning themselves for the lols, popping up under your rubber ring when you least expect it, and then being screamed at by their parents. I live for a bit of chaotic energy but that lazy river...

4. Visit Sitges

A small city on the coast about half an hour from Barcelona, I really cannot recommend Sitges enough. There’s a ton of cute little art museums, delicious restaurants, heavenly beaches (the waves are INSANELY GOOD! You WILL get knocked under water half a dozen times but you also get to watch it repeatedly happen to other people too and it’s great), and a fucking ridiculously hard assault course out in the sea that me and my sister tanked at, hard. There’s incredible food places everywhere but favourites are Pom D’Amour and Dino for ice cream and sweet treats, and Beach House, Big Al’s American Kitchen, and Soca for mains . There’s also a really prominent LGBT community, plus lots of bars, pubs and clubs. Honestly, if you’re going to Barcelona, I really recommend staying around here as you get away from the the majority of the tourists but can still easily get in to the city by train.

5. Walking with Gaudi at the Gaudi Exhibition Centre

A very cool, very interactive exhibition that dives into the life of Gaudi, his creative process, his projects and his influences. My sister particularly liked the replica of El Drac. Like, she for whatever reason thought it was cute. Named it. Made us walk up to Parc Guell to try and see it. Wouldn’t leave the area til she got a keychain of it. Sigh.

6. Passeig de Gracia

Down Passeig de Gracia, you can both wistfully gaze through the windows of the designer shops you pass by, and actually spend your money (too much in my case) in the high street ones. Best of both worlds, bby.

7. Casa Battlo 

So it’s on Passeig de Gracia, pretty much opposite the metro station, but I had to give it its own little bit because it’s my favourite Gaudi building. Kinda looks like something aliens would build, kinda looks like something that sprang out of the ground, but that’s pretty much what Gaudi did best. 

8. Park Guell 

Just a warning, Park Guell is VERY uphill, and we somehow ended up getting off at the metro station right at the bottom of that hill, only to find out once we got up there that you had to book a slot and that all the slots for the rest of that day were sold out. My sister didn’t get to see her dragon and I was pissed off that I’d just nearly busted a lung open and regretted throwing my inhaler away for 20 minutes straight whilst getting up there, but it was still a pretty good view and we did get to see a bit of the park. Moral of the story though is to obviously book Park Guell before you go. 

9. Sagrada Familia

We’ve never actually been in to the Sagrada Familia, again, because we’ve never thought to book it (I want to absolve myself of responsibility here since every time I’ve gone to Barcelona before this trip, I’ve been a baby and let my parents organise everything), but it is an absolutely magnificent building even from the outside. I would one day love to go in and go up the spiral staircase though, because it looks fucking terrifying and I’m one of those strange people who likes being scared every once in a while.

10. Buenas Migas

I’m pretty sure it’s a chain thing but it’s the first time I’ve ever seen a focacceria, and maybe I’m just uncultured but...I got pretty excited. That being said, my sister and I both ended up getting pizza; it was as tasty as it looks.

13. Las Ramblas and Plaza Catalunya

The most typically mediterranean looking square you’ll ever see, Plaza Catalunya is the perfect place to stop off and get some tapas whilst you’re exploring Las Ramblas.

14. Mount Tibidabo

“I was backpacking across Western Europe, I was just outside of Barcelona, hiking in the foothills of Mount Tibidabo”...yes, I got excited to go here because of the Friends reference (I’m a basic bitch who likes friends AND has other personality traits, smd), but equally so by all the adorable old-timey fair ground rides once we did get up there. It was a few years ago now, so I’m not sure exactly how it worked but I do vaguely remember it being a bit of a rip off in that you had to pay to ride them all individually, so it’s good to know that the view from the Church and the Church itself is more than enough of a reason to go up. There’s also places to eat on the walk down and plenty of ice cream and food stalls up there.

Future Barcelona Bucket List:

Museu d'Art Contemporani de Barcelona (MACBA)

European Museum of Modern Art (MEAM)

El Jardin del Gats

Port Cable Car

Carrer de la Neu de Sant Cugat

So, that was my summer! 100% the most eventful one I’ve ever had! I’d love to go back to every one of these places, at least for a day, and am so grateful I got to have this experience. I definitely missed home a lot and maintaining your wellbeing whilst out of your comfort zone is hard, I’m not going to lie, but I hope that a year from now I’ll be feeling even more adventurous. 

There are so many places in Europe I desperately want to go to, some even more so now that I’ve visited the country. Now that I’ve been to Germany, for example, I’d be really interested in seeing somewhere like Munich or Cologne, as they’re supposed to have a completely different vibe from Berlin. It also really inspired me to get back into Spanish and possibly even learn French. 

I don’t know if anyone who is going inter-railing will read this but if they do, feel free to message me if you have any questions. My friend did pretty much all of the organising so I’m not the most knowledgeable person ever but I will do my very best to answer! Similarly, if anybody has any recommendations of other places to go whilst in any of these cities, food places and art museums especially (lol), let me know. 

Thanks for reading!

Lauren x