#I’ve seen this one more than once
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I decided to rewatch the Prime episode where the Nemesis goes crazy because I think the Deceptions being entirely in a problem of their own making is funny
And I’m remembering that the Prime theme song is a banger actually. And that I probably knew it too well as a kid
#I also have no context for what’s going on in this episode#it’s been a long time since I’ve watched TFP#I’d rewatch it but maybe I should watch a Transformers show I haven’t seen#I’ve seen this one more than once#it was the one I grew up with#but yeah anyways#random observation#transformers#transformers prime#random stuff
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one of the things that continues to strike me on reread is how much the character of Darcy, and Austen through him, finds Mr. Bennet dead. And how much Elizabeth, in growing and changing and discarding her past blindness, has to move past her way of seeing her father and thus of seeing reality, because the two are connected! Darcy’s letter exposes her father’s flaws to Elizabeth in a way she’d never been able to see before. Most especially the way his laziness and neglect of his own gifts have hurt his family and that ultimately he doesn’t. care. Not enough to change. It literally says that she comes home from Hunsford and tries to laugh at her sisters’ and mother’s folly (the way she used to; the way her father has taught her to by example for her whole life) and she can’t anymore! It sticks in her throat. She is grieved by the failures that she sees in him, all the more so because she IS his favorite and she loves him! And the thing about Mr. Bennet is he never changes. The Lydia/wickham situation exposes to him sharply his own conduct and the consequences and he feels it! Because he is neither stupid nor unfeeling. But he, like everyone, has free will. And he chooses not to change when the opportunity presents itself. He even jokes about how quickly his feeling bad will pass and how soon everything will go back to normal, to his laziness and his selfishness. He is set in his ways and he serves as a contrast to Elizabeth’s personal journey because he embodies a version of a person she could have become and was in danger of becoming if her only goal at all times was to laugh at and judge people from the sidelines.
#pride and prejudice#I’ve always loved his character because he IS funny and he is iconic!!! and his love for Lizzy is touching!#he’s not faking it.#but he is so flawed. a man of taste a man of ability a man of judgment.#a man who could and SHOULD have set a different tone for his children and chose not to!#and they SUFFER FOR IT#their house is a divided one. and every child feels the pain of living in a house where the parents neither respect each other#nor are on the same team#there is a crack running through their house for this reason and it’s how Lydia (and Kitty) came to be so neglected!#who is going to discipline them or guide them? certainly not Mr. Bennet!#he’s so important to teach too. because the boys LOVE HIM. of course!#and are always very struck by his failures and laziness once I point it out#and yeah Darcy one of the only people who can expose him. because Darcy is putting in the work a man should be doing#Darcy’s house IS in order. his love is active and protective. he is fulfilling his role!#Mr. Bennet’s gifts are so extraordinary—the wit. the insight into human nature. honestly the capacity for wisdom#but he likes his library. he likes enjoying himself more than he likes doing his duty#as either a father or a husband#he does fail Mrs. Bennet! I have compassion for her there#anyway I love to think about this: something no version I have ever seen has ever fully explored#but man is it on the page#yeah yeah sorry for all the words. teacher off duty etc.
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Little is Alyx 👎🏻
Little is Penny 👎🏻
Little is a reflection of Ruby in Vol.1 and is a physical representation of “healing your inner child” 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
#like seriously Little reminds me more of Ruby than Ruby herself right now#I relate to Ruby so much in just needing to be ok for everyone all the time for things to be stable#when WBY is talking about how they bring her up by saying ‘we count on you’ and ‘you can do it’ and that’s basically what I heard growin up#my therapist once told me that you have to be the friend and caretaker for that little girl who always had to be ok#that she is still inside of my heart and that I’m the only one who can be there for her now#and something about… making sure my inner child feels safe reminds me so much of Ruby’s relationship with Little#also Little’s mannerisms are just … so v.1 Ruby it’s just uncanny#’I want to help even though I may not know how’#that’s blind Ruby optimism if I’ve ever seen it#rwby#rwby spoilers#rwby9#rwby volume 9#rwby ruby rose#rwby v9#rwby volume 9 spoilers#rwby theory#ruby rose
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im so glad that we never get a clear picture of sophie’s background in leverage & i hope we never do. however i also really like making up various, often conflicting backstories for her in my head. perhaps they’re all backstories for an alias of hers, ones she laid to rest back in season two.
#leverageposting#leverage#sophie devereaux#particularly that one of or both her parents had to move around a lot for work & so she would change herself to fit in at every new school#or new town etc etc. and that whatever original identity she had was dropped due to some kind of really awful event and her bio family think#she’s dead. eg she got into some kind of extreme legal trouble for the first time & she faked her death & everyone she knew as a kid thinks#she’s dead too. like. astrid wasn’t the first person she left to miss/mourn her.#but also that she was a teen runaway at like age ~16 and pretended to be an adult (like. 18/19) cause theres not much you can do by yourself#as a minor like booking flights or renting an apartment. and so began her first proper alias. and she was a pickpocket until she could fund#her life fully through grifting & cons.#or alternatively her parents died when she was a teen & she was old enough to become an emancipated minor (everyone in lev is an orphan)#and she kind of just fell into crime from there bc she had no one#or perhaps she got married at 17 and realised how fucked it all was and stashed money until she could run away & leave it all behind. that’s#bc of a single vague sentence on john rogers’ blog saying she was married at 17 and in context it was quite possibly a joke or random#hypothetical example but i was like what if???? What If???????#i also like the hc that she’s trans which i’ve seen a few times#in some versions in my mind her parents were okay and in some versions they were awful and in some versions it was so complicated.#i think tara has heard one story and parker or hardison have heard another and nate has never heard any story. he’s never asked.#she is here now and that’s all that needs knowing. and sophie devereaux is her real name in any way it matters.#eliot has also never asked and she asked if he was curious once and he just asked if she was curious about What He Did and that was answer#enough for the both of them. just a mutual agreement not to ask and it actually solidified their bond.#i think she struggled for a long time about whether to tell her new family The Real Story but in much the same way we never hear her birth#name bc it’s not Her anymore… she never gives The Real Story. bc it no longer defines who she is. she’s so much more than whatever happened.#lvg
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I just think Capricorn Star Dress is pretty neat :/
#fairy tail#fairy tail lucy#lucy heartfilia#fairy tail 100yq#lucy heartfilia my goddess#other than the dragon cry movie I’ve only seen it once within the 100yq manga#which is pretty bummer as one of my favorite Star Dresses#Mashima give me more Capricorn dress and my life is yours
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Makima, devils and self-fulfillment
Dumping some Makima and CSM thoughts after a part 1 binge bc I think about her forever and ever. I’m sure I’m forgetting some devil lore, feel free to correct what i get wrong/what’s been confirmed. On the table of contents there’s why & how Makima got fixated on Chainsaw, her revealing liking for the country mouse and discussion of her nature & emotions & desires. Was the scorpion doomed to be a scorpion?
The most of this post was thought of during a conversation with @saccharineomens and I don’t think it makes sense to jump into the spiral it sent me on without first laying down the interesting groundwork theorizing she did:
"Thinking about how makima herself wants to be deified. I wonder whether she recognizes the difference between Love As Worship and the love that Aki, Power, and Denji had. She says she wants to help humanity by having Chainsawman eat the “bad” devils, but why does she want to help humans? Because she was ordered to by the Prime Minister? No, her drive seems much more personal than that, it seems like she teamed up with the PM for contractual reasons. (In the most recent chapters we see governmental members wanting certain devils to be eaten, too. What was Makima’s relationship with them? She’s too independent to just follow THEIR orders, she’s Control.)
So is she wanting to better humanity for the accolades, or out of the goodness of her heart? She sees the big picture. She sees any small sacrifice as worth it for the end result, and she’s ruthless. Perhaps she thinks that a more sedate human race would be easier to control? But Makima doesn’t loathe humanity. She never acts like she sees all humans as lesser. She loves humanity’s creations, like good food and movies. She just wants Good Things all the time
She says she prefers the country mouse BUT adds a story where she helps exterminate country mice like vermin. She likes the simplicity yet rejects the idea of being simple. Makima the complex individual you are"
~
The story itself seems to prefr the country mouse. Well- it strikes a balance, shows that a risk to live good & fully can be very worth it, but still that stability over ambition is preferable, proning having a simple happy life over fame, a simple job instead of a dangerous one, etc etc. And I do find Makima’s answer on this so so interesting, she prefers the country mouse, but this preference isn’t out of affection or sympathy but because of how relaxing it feels to exterminate them when they cause problems.
Order satisfies her. Her order satisfies her. She likes the action of rooting out disorder. Maybe this is the devil part, like how Power especially wants blood and drinking it, I feel there’s an itch to every devil, and for Makima it’s a very rigid world view/morality/standards & making things follow her rules and submit to her order.
And maybe this is why she’s attached to humans too, why she felt it was worth it to stick with the government- because devils are chaotic by nature (it’s a whole plot point that hell is essentially a free-for-all battleground for example), meanwhile humans are the species that universally rule Earth with systems they invented and instilled. They made then enforced rules, complex and intricate webs of them. She feels alienated amongst devils but she understands the humans’ need for an orderly organised society, and now she wants to be part of it. Control and conquest require social dynamics after all, requires civilizations or groups. War is chaotic while peace is, well, peaceful— Makima resents her sisters for being death, famine and war, things that throw the world in such chaos. She wants a world of perfect order, no matter how much collateral damage there will be if the end result is control.
This is even more interesting if you consider that yes, Makima is untouchable of her own design, she deifies herself with her omnipresent amount of control and the sway over others that she seeks and encourages— There is this urge to dehumanize her for it, that yes, she is the devil of control and that means she was never going to be any different, have any more feeling be any less uncanny. And I love part 2 so much for this, because it shows us the war devil and the famine devil and we see how frankly uncharismatic with poor self-discipline they are, Nayuta too, and it helps us realize just how much Makima’s success was self-made.
She admires Chainsaw Devil, the Hero of Hell, because he had his own code and his own rules and he made Hell, the chaos pit, submit to them unfailingly. Wherever he goes he decides what he does and what happens to the people he encounters but does so consistently, he has his mechanism and his rules that he always obeys, and he fulfills them every time. It’s still a mystery the why of Chainsaw Devil’s behavior back then and how it works exactly, maybe Pochita left hell because he was tired of these rules he lived by like chains, but still, he was a servant to his code. Makima would have been glad being killed and eaten by Chainsaw Devil because it’d have been becoming part of his design, his conquest, his domination, she’d have been part of that —his— order. Through her death she would be shaping his world and be part of a conqueror’s making history. Like how she appreciates the country mice that die for the sake of order. Like how sacrifices must be made to herself, like listing the name of every person whose life was lost to the Gun Devil— All for the ~greater good~, for her vision for the world. Conquest always thinks its reasons are justified.
And she does mention with the country mice thing that she goes out to a friend’s farm every year! She has a human friend?? That she visits yearly and she genuinely likes it?? Ultimately she lives a busy city life because of her goal and drive and her urge & satisfaction with overseeing shaping the world herself, but part of her, like so many characters including Angel and Aki and Reze, wishes she could live a slow peaceful country life. Moviegoing and dogs and mice in a farm- Wouldn’t it be so much simpler if Makima could find fulfillment and happiness in being a farmer, in keeping control of her own farm, getting satisfaction from exterminating vermin and expertly getting everything right, the right crops grown at the right time on the right soil? Here, too, in a way it’s trying to have full control of an ecosystem, but her goals would be easier to achieve and better, without ceaseless sacrifice or much pressure. But Makima wants grandiosity and her goal does matter to her on a fundamental and moral level, she does think she knows what’s best for the world, and with the power to change it why wouldn’t she strive to? Visiting the farm is just a break, just something she does in fall to help out and just in time to see the vermin extermination. It calms her, then it’s back to actual work.
In capitalism, even the one at the very top of the ladder is ultimately alienated from others and often unsatisfied by their lifestyle, always wanting more and more power because surely that’s the extra edge they must be missing to be content— like how Makima thinks she wants to dominate Chainsaw Devil instead of being his equal. And she says it herself too, she likes humans the way humans like dogs…….. And she keeps so many dogs :( Makima prefers the country mice because they’re calming to root out, maybe because she usually mainly deals with city mice. It’s very easy to equate humans to the mice in this allegory because it’s pretty direct and she’s already likened humans to lesser animals compared to her. She’s self-isolating by design for her design but she still craves relationships and contentment, and the dogs are the embodiment or her want for bonds and occasional simplicity because there is no possible ulterior motive, no way they tie back into her wider plan. They’re her personal life— something that feels so alien when speaking about Makima. Personality and individuality and likes and preferences and friends they visit every year. She likes how easily she can train a dog and how they become putty in her hands, at her beck and call, how much they love her and how much she enjoys their love. How simple and straightforward and easy it is. She keeps them because she likes being loved by them and loving them, and she’s gotten and raised so many. A conqueror always wants more and more and more, is never satisfied.
Devils and agency
Like Power the blood devil wanting blood and having a fixation on drinking it like with Denji’s, or how it was shocking that the violence devil was pretty tame and nice and how he himself theorized it was because he was a fiend and possessing a human body… There’s something to be said about nature vs nurture with the devils. The way they reincarnate and always embody their fear makes it seem categorically like nature, that they always always end up fulfilling the role they were named after and born to fill… Outside influence they’re helpless but to conform with. Like the humans accepting their spot in the social ladder and the shittiness of their living conditions and job under capitalism. Makima craved being equals with someone despite being the control/conquest devil, Angel Devil despite claiming to be a devil who likes to see humans dying was haunted by their deaths and wanted to avoid ones like Aki’s. The Ghost Devil being ironically haunted by Himeno, seemingly helping Aki in her memory out of… Lasting affection? Or maybe it was less about being haunted itself and more about it recognizing how Himeno haunted Aki, and acknowledging that, with the memento, paying her respect to the ghost of her. It’s Angel Devil’s devil nature that makes him like human suffering, so then is it his angel nature too to still care about their deaths? Is there truth to this or is that just personality, just our confirmation bias haunting every part of their identity like it might in their own view of themselves too? We do know different reincarnations of devils do have different personalities after all.
Yoru, war devil, is the most interesting one when talking about the nature vs nurture debate with devils. There is how through her we see the perhaps the most the consequences of a devil stopping being feared— we see a horseman for a concept as universal and horrifying as war be reduced to some bird who needs a contract with a human to have any power even just on the situation when meeting Asa. And through the story we get to know her better, and it becomes clear that her goal is fueled in good part by simply wanting to be remembered and respected through fear. Liked, validated, seen a powerful. But what is more isolating than war? Or control? We also see Nayuta accepting others’ house rules. If part 1 shows perhaps the futility of running away from the truth, with Denji’s memory, with escapist coping mechanisms, with passivity and denial under a corrupt system and with abusive relationships- running away from your own feelings and from the reality of things and from all that you are, more complex than simply human or devil or both or neither— part 2 builds upon the theme of cult of personalities, the chainsaw church, etc. The apocalypse is coming, but this celebrity superhero might save us all, or doom us all uh, dunno. The hero of hell reliving the cycle of pressure from responsibilities and expectations, maybe the part will end with Denji running away like Pochita did~
But yes, on the reverse, I think Famine is a very interesting example of how a devil’s namesake may be more innate than coerced by circumstances. One would think that a famine devil would only like inflicting famine upon others, not being famished itself, but Famine has a bottomless stomach that can never, ever be satisfied, sated. I struggle to find a psychological explanation for this, except that maybe instead of her being hungry it’s her feeling empty when she’s not eating, tasting and having that high sensory experience that releases serotonin in humans, sort of like drugs? But I do take this as a step towards the compulsion theory overall, feels like a reach in the consistency otherwise. And compulsion does not mean it’s something that they like nor that it’s something that they fight against, pretty neutral, just a nature that nudges you towards one path. Maybe it’s even just their go-to for entertainment. Maybe it’s the only thing that makes them feel right and whole. But still the debate remains, what is it, a compulsion or an urge or an itch or an active desire or a conscious chosen want? Does it change anything in practice?
And because of all of this earlier, devils being self-fulfilling prophecies with their role is not in unsignificant part nurture, because doing their atrocities is how they stay remembered— feared, powerful, known— hell and devils are a very isolating place and breed after all, and we do see devils can want companionship. Existentially, it’s their purpose and how they justify their place in the world, in the terrifyingly vast and unknowable cosmos.
We still know so little of what makes Chainsaw Devil so special, why his carnage is so self-controlled. Despite a chainsaw maybe being possibly one of the most "nature" thing you can be— a tool to cut things, a human tool that can be helpful for many things, something to be wielding by another at their judgement on what they decide, but mainly something to cut, a tool suited for carnage, to hurt and to destroy. A blade with a toothed chain, spinning around and around and around endlessly on the same road at the same pace. Such a…. Innately circular concept. And yet the Chainsaw Devil is his own, not driven by an urge or by chaos but his very own brand of order, his own unique assigned purpose, a "if you call i’ll come running to help" policy equalizing everyone. He chooses to withhold his destruction and interference otherwise, and then he chooses to be used. If it’s a choice, of course.
Maybe this is what inspired Makima so much, that Chainsaw Devil could decide what to make of himself despite expectations or innate role. Because even Hell he decided & managed to subjugate under his will and whim, with a precise vision and process. When Chainsaw Devil acts like Denji or is defeated, Makima clicks her tongue and loses her admiration and respect. Makima admired and liked Chainsaw Devil, but only as long as he matched her great image of him in her mind, as long as he followed he rules for what she thinks he should be like. She admired him for his unrivaled self-made success, but once he stepped out of that to truly embody self-fulfillment and agency, disappearing from hell to live on his own road at the beat of his own drum… Well. Surely that was a mistake she has to correct. However their second battle ends, the better conqueror will have prevailed and she’s happy about that, all in the spirit of domination and subjugation.
Imo Makima’s biggest tool, similarly capitalism’s most helpful effect for its own purposes, is complacency. Resignation and passivity helps uphold the system and go along the flow of the will of the people in power. Aki and Reze go along with orders even when knowing their job is trash, etc. In Angel Devil especially we see him go along with the flow uncaring about anyhing, and we discover it was in part due to Makima taking away memories that motivated him. If every devil decides this is just how things are and how things should be that’s what they’ll continue to be and do mindlessly, not pursuing a better life like Chainsaw Devil and Denj and not seeking to change the world like Makima. I think even Makima veils herself to a lot of things, she doesn’t like to think deeply about some things, like her desire for connection, or how making bad movies disappear is strenuous and unsustainable and requiring sacrifices at best— how her judgement is as subjective as anyone else. How liking the country mouse and her friend back at the farm and her dogs could be not devoid of sentimality. Wanting bad movies erased is her one biggest show of selfishness, of pettiness and individuality, it’s about her tastes, simple as. About how she can have tastes, and cry seeing a scene of people hug, and want things that aren’t logical, her ideology and mind twisted into a pretzel to avoid acknowledging that she doesn’t live and breathe purely for the mission she’s made a single-minded robot out of herself to accomplish. Nayuta is assertive and selfish and loud, Makima is manipulative and strategically both for her goals and for coping hollow.
Everything in her plans and goals she says is for the greater good, necessary evil, manufactured happiness the way she’ll have decided for people— and that’s the thing isn’t it, like with War, it’s the crack that shows it was all truly about herself after all. Her self-made deification still had the flaw that a self made it. Makima is not omniscient, and it’s not Chainsaw Devil the not-so-fellow-kindred-soul conqueror who gets the best of her, but a city mouse, a dog, someone she would have never thought to respect, Denji.
#Fumi rambles#Chainsaw man#makima#analysis#meta#The goal is moreso me dropping thoughts than being flawless on every aspect of the lore so if and when i get things wrong b merciful….#Maybe her liking of control is why she remembers the ww2 authoritarian fascists. I don’t want to say the word jic for tumblr search#Pity is never a factor When mercy is a sign of a talentless actor#And as you grow its hold on your throat starts to falter And once you go beyond pure humanity's border#You will come back like a dooooog 😭#This’d be a different topic but. I don’t think makima likes denji as much as one of her dogs. If so i’d say it was in the moments where#she brought him to movies but even then….. i think she has more fondness for her dogs bc w denji it was indifference and derision#I love you please humiliate me / strip my dignity and laugh my honey#God. God i’m fine. I’m so okay about csm#Makima has a cryptic but strong sense of morals?? That doesn’t align with ours obvi but#‘Someone like you has no right to wish for a normal life do they?’ What do you meannn what do you meannnnn#What is this contempt for denji. Does she see herself as moral or part of those that are city mice bc they’re undeserving of a calm life???#Maybe famine only feels fed on humans and their blood 🤔 or their fear. man idk idk idk idk but i wanna see more of her quirks#And before someone says ‘but every demon likes to drink blood’ power is especially fixated on it tho cmannnn#Did Angel lie when he said he liked seeing humans die?? Did his haunting thing become worse after meeting Aki?? Did he suppress it#because he feels like he doesn’t belong as a devil??? bc he’s suppressing his memories of the villagers he cared about??#Has he just been trying so hard not to care for so long. Passive bc he thought that’s all he could or should be#AGHHHHH#Spoilers#There’s a lot more i’d have liked to touch on like the popular theory that Makima was *raised* by the government#and i’ve seen a take that the ‘my friend at a farm’ thing is all euphemism from makima about her troublesome human killing job ykyk#but i think the phrasing is too literal and natural for that. The snow and soil talk everything. It’s a perfect allegory but it can be both
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Some fun tumblr fans: the main cast of elves should have more internalized prejudice showing the society they came from. They should have to work through those things as a product of having been raised in the Lost Cities and Sophie being the new perspective.
Me: omg yes what an amazing delicious plot point that would be
The book: Fitz initially freaks out about the concept of his girlfriend being a bad match no matter what, but then slowly tries to get over—
Fans: OUT OF CHARACTER
Me:
#you want it til you get it#kotlc#keeper of the lost cities#fitz vacker#PLEASE he can care about it initially and it not make him a bad person#I’ve seen this sentiment more than once and I LOVE it don’t get me wrong#but I feel like we have one instance of that in canon and everyone flipped tables about it
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YiZhan Same Shirt To Dispel Your Existential Dread
#yizhan#wang yibo#xiao zhan#wangxiao#just… you know… when they wear the same shirt#and I’m not talking about matching shirts. I’m talking about the SAME shirt. The exact same garment.#this has happened more than once. this has happened more than the four times I’ve listed here.#and it’s not just shirts. it’s all sorts of clothing. of course they have matching pieces too. coordinating brand looks etc#but there’s something very charming about them wearing each other’s shirts. especially when they KNOW we have seen it on the other one first#i love them your honor
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I actually don’t think I’m strong enough to make it through the rest of brokeback mountain this shit is devastating
#it’s so EARNEST and raw and like filmed so beautifully and so full of feeling I can’t got to the end#bc I have seen the back half of this movie once w my dad bc it was playing on tv and so I’ve seen like from when Anne Hathaway arrives on#but god I don’t think I’m strong enough wtf do you mean Ennis is happily playing in the snow with his wife#I’m abt to be Jack Teist in a way that is gayer and more accurate than everyone else bc I was just in Wyoming for the last year#and the whole time I thought this was set in Montana like then they were like throwing out town names like I KNOW THAT SPOT#and the Basque shepherds part is so accurate bc they r still a big part of the sheep/ wool industry culture n v cool ppl#one of the only decent things I wrote for that job was about the sheepherders festival god I should’ve gotten one of those shirts ugh#need 2 go to that museum to see the cowboy poetry before I move all my shit again#mine#brokeback mountain#movies
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can the whole “lovers read each other’s minds” trope in fantasy please go die in a hole because if it’s not something that happens AFTER the relationship is established, it always taints the relationship and its legitimacy for me. i have read a lot of stories with this trope, and i have never, not ONCE seen it done well. it’s always so invasive and a major reason for how the relationship goes from acquaintances to being as close as they are. that mind reading thing is always involved, and a lot of the time, it’s not consensual so it’s just icky.
#every single time this happens#if the relationship didn’t have that mind reading thing#they NEVER would’ve gotten to the point they did in their relationship#because they needed that push to force them to get close#and it’s so disingenuous and fake#it’s like forced proximity but one sided bc for some reason#every time i read it it’s ALWAYS one sided#anti sjm#anti feysand#astrababyy#this is such a weirdly specific trope#so it’s weird that i’ve seen it more than once#why do authors think this is romantic#cause y’all#it’s not
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nesta isn’t necessarily kind to most people initially but she is incredibly thoughtful and will remember everything about that first interaction with a person for the rest of her life
#not just because she’s picking apart everything she said and did that she knew was wrong#but just because she’s the type of person to remember that your favorite color is mint green or that you take your tea with 3 sugars#even if she’s only heard/seen that information the one time#every holiday or birthday celebration after that your gift from her is precisely something that could be either very very useful#and improving to your quality of life or just something you once mentioned really liking or wanting or needing#first time you met her she likely said something scathing or incendiary#and as i’ve said before. you do not have to put up with her. you do not have to tolerate her behavior#in fact you probably shouldn’t! she is deliberately nasty as a defensive measure and it isn’t fair to expect anyone#to stick around and break through it so neither she nor i expect it#but. however comma. on the other hand. anyone who treats nesta as something more than shit on the bottom of your shoe#they are remembered and given consideration in every interaction after that#i have. lots to say about this. and about her. and she is my baby my baby#i love her so so dearly nobody gets her nobody deserves her#i say as i place her so gently and desperately in lune’s cassian’s hands
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I got an email from my grandpa today and all the draft responses I’ve been working on in my head sound like an 18th century letter that’s going to have to travel for months to reach him.
pandemic year 5 really has me feeling like me and a very small handful of people I know are living on an entirely different plane of existence than everyone else
#like I haven’t seen him in over a year. I’ve seen him 3 times since 2020#so I guess on the isolation and slow communication front it’s pretty similar#he used my chosen name. I haven’t changed my email yet but he used my chosen name#I don’t even care at this point if he never gets my pronouns right#I thought I’d never be able to tell him. I didn’t want to find out his politics were more important#he’s quiet and kind and he gives people expensive gifts any time he can afford it but he constantly forgets people’s allergies#so he might get you something you can’t have but whoever you pass it along to will love it#he cries at weddings and during church services and sometimes random holidays#he passes out in his rocking chair at every family function#he’s the unofficial photographer of every gathering ever since my great grandfather stopped being able to walk as much as the job requires#and he voted for trump in 2016 and has afaik an active nra membership#he once complimented my outfit by telling me he’d call me a stud if I was a guy#which like. ok. I have some notes#but uh. thanks?#idk I’m just. it sucks being so far away from everyone and everything because the rest of the world is ignoring an ongoing pandemic#I’m missing so much of my life and others lives and even parts of my own transition#I can make steps to reach out but it only goes so far if poeple#are unwilling to mask or vaccinate or even just ask what needs to happen to make it safe#so I don’t. idk. kill my partner#or become even more disabled than I currently am#my family’s been making steps and they’re taking me seriously but it’s all so slow and I’m still sore from bracing for rejection#I’ve been bracing for rejection for so so long it’s terrifying to reach out. about anything#this is not condusive to a healthy relationship lol#not sure what to do other than bonk myself on the head and say ‘get better’ tho#*bonk* ‘try again’#one step at a time ig#ahshitherewegoagain.jpg#.txt
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so ur argument is that “arabs” are currently risking their lives while living under dictatorships that have normalised relations with israel to protest for palestinians because *checks notes* they just hate jewish ppl?
ur argument is that “arab countries” fought israel in the 1960s as a result of israel’s hostilities against palestinians bc they just. hate jewish ppl?
ur argument is that “arab countries” which had hundreds of thousands of jewish ppl for thousands of years just woke up coincidentally the same time israel came to exist, the same time as the nakba, and suddenly expressed their hatred of jewish ppl despite coexisting with jewish ppl for centuries in a way europeans were unable to?
if u want to argue “arabs” hate each other, i can at least agree with that but to claim “arabs” hate palestinians bc palestinians r just so evil but hate jewish ppl more & therefore support palestine.. u just sound like an idiot to me.
the way zionists oversimplify the middle east & middle eastern history is genuinely insane. the way they utilise the same argument points antisemites made to justify antisemitism is insane. where else did i hear the argument that a certain population is evil, manipulative, sly and criminal and tricks others into feeling sympathy for them but no population genuinely likes them bc they’re just so sly and evil? oh.. wait yeah that’s literally what antisemites say about jewish people to justify & normalise antisemitism. and here zionists are using these same arguments to dehumanise palestinians & normalise hatred against them as somehow factual.
#don’t get me wrong antisemitism did exist in the 1900s in the middle east#and it does exist even more prominently today#but to reduce caring for palestinians as simply being out of a hatred of jewish ppl#is just. vile + stupid + tonedeaf + ignorant#there absolutely are antisemites who only support palestine bc they hate jewish ppl. but#i have not once met a middle eastern person who only supports palestinians bc they hate jews. not once#the ones that are actual activists fighting for palestine are more supportive of jewish ppl than the middle easterners#who don’t care for israel nor palestine. i’ve met more antisemitic ppl who don’t care for the conflict#than i have met activists for palestine that hate jewish ppl#and i know this bc i’ve sat in many social gatherings where there were several jewish ppl (some even israeli!!) & several palestinians#& several pro-palestine activists. and they’ve all been normal to each other#i’ve been to pro-palestine protests where jewish ppl stood alongside me and jewish ppl were treated with respect#i’ve literally seen more than enough evidence throughout my life to know that’s just racist bs#middle eastern people can actually have values and care for things btw. we aren’t just led by hatred like u want to pretend.
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and are these child slave quinoa vegans in the room with us right now
#i know some probably exist but most vegans are very conscious abt where they get their food from#i’ve seen vegan recipe website comments sections tear the cook to SHREDS for using hershey or nestle or anything in that vein#and can we stop pretending that non vegans don’t also buy food produced by slavery.#where do you think most of your food and clothes come from?? do you think only vegan products use slavery??#EVERYONE needs to be more aware of where they’re buying things from because there’s so much more#slavery going on than ppl in developed countries would think#i didn’t know until i started looking into it bc obviously no one wants to talk abt it#and guess what!! vegans are usually the ones raising awareness abt corporations using slavery or treating their workers badly!!#bc the whole point of the lifestyle is compassion!!! so holy shit stop treating us like we’re the bad guys#bc vegans annoyed you once or bc you feel guilty abt eating animal products and are trying to make yourself#feel better by shitting on us#sry i just saw a post i otherwise agreed with but it kept mentioning “child slave quinoa vegans and im so sick of ppl talking abt this#phenomena that doesn’t really exist.#also no i don’t hate non vegans i know it can be more difficult and expensive etc. whatever.
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I feel like it should be relatively easy to understand that transwomen/transfems are statistically and provably more likely to be targeted by transphobia and that yes, the demonization and and violence they face are demonstrably worse than what transmen/transmascs face, but that doesn’t mean transmen/transmascs don’t face face violence and oppression and transphobia or shouldn’t be taken seriously when we discuss how these things effect us. And yet.
#I feel like.#you don’t have to keep trying to ‘prove’ your oppressed enough or whatever#*you’re#someone having it worse than you doesn’t mean your problems don’t matter#and you shouldn’t be diminishing the very real oppression of others to try and make yours seem more valid#like yes one group of trans people does have it easier than another group of trans people#but given how things are for trans people right now#having it /easier/ than someone else doesn’t necessarily mean it’s easy at all#I feel like a lot of takes I’ve seen wouldnt exist if people could understand two things can be true at once but again#that’s on me for getting on the black and white thinking webbedsite
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Cup of China 2023 - Adam Siao Him Fa and Shoma Uno during the men’s victory ceremony
#this photo is everything to me I want to frame it put it on my wall stare at it forever#i’ve been lowkey hoping for something like this the whole off season watching adam’s ig and following him posting about his training#I love this boy and I love that he’s the kind of person who keeps quiet and works hard to get what he wants (like shoma)#and I do love his skating - his two programs were my favorite last season after shoma’s#but he really clicked for me at worlds on that first monday of practice (ik I will never shut up about this sorry)#was it the last group of men? it was pretty late and adam went in the group after shoma#and I was already shaky after seeing shoma practice with my very eyes#the way shoma practices is really like a machine - relentless and single-minded and unstoppable#and that night he was really hitting it (and popping a lot of jumps but he was still not holding back)#I think it was the night shoma did more jumping passes than the rest of the other men put together#and then adam’s group came out#and I ended up being unable to look away from adam because I saw much of the same qualities in him#and it went through my mind that of all the guys I’d seen there he was the one that reminded me the most of shoma#(lol it’s always shoma in the end isn’t it)#(and I love that shoma had already recognized his qualities too)#(I was so devastated when worlds went the way they did for adam sdghjkk)#but last season he still didn’t have what it took to fight at the same level with the guys at the top - or the consistency#that’s why this win feels so precious and meaningful#adam kept it together and delivered once more - it wasn’t just another one-time win in france#and to do it like that! tired from back to back assignments jetlagged and with boot issues!! On bad ice!!!#he knew that if shoma went clean it would have been hard or impossible for him to win#but he went for it with all he had and fought hard - i teared up towards the end because I was so worried he’d let his sp mistake get to hi#can’t wait for gpf but no matter how adam does there I’m so proud of him 😭#this was hard for me to watch because I also wanted shoma to win but I think Adam needed it more and it ended up being a deserved win#and I think it will motivate shoma for nhk and I’m so here for it! or literally: will be so there for it afsghjjfghgdh aaaaaaaaahhh#adam siao him fa#shoma uno
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