#I’ve seen a handful of things online where people are confused or complaining about lack of product

[dumb-doll-lips]

One thing that still makes me feel really smart is how I know you just use a sharpener on the like eyeliner pencils and such that are like made of something plastic-y instead of wood like a regular pencil.

[couchpotatoaniki]

Idol!ATEEZ: Their s/o secretly writes fanfics pt.2

A/N: This was a request from someone who wanted to read their reactions to dirty fanfics *wiggles brows* but cba coming up with more backstories, so this’ll be a continuation of the first reaction

Tag list: @lovelyrose014-blog​ sorry this took so long :((

WARNINGS: swearing, mature content, heavily suggestive

Part One

Kim Hongjoong:

Hongjoong made no effort to hide that he read your stories. It was as he promised; the first time he read them was not the last.

He’d been filling up his rare breaks with your works, powerful words contrasting your timid nature and no matter how many times he indulged himself in your crazy mind, Hongjoong never ceased to be amazed.

You had more sides to you than he ever could imagined.

Although, there was one thing he put off for quite some time now, and that would be reading your more popular fanfics. The fan favourites. After all, being the leader, he should know what his fans like, and as your boyfriend he should know what you crave.

Hongjoong was a smart guy despite the goofy act he put on--very similar to your intelligence and geeky-yet-quiet nature. He knew that you wanted to keep him away from the dark side of your account, not wanting to scare him away (which he would never let happen). Hence why he hadn’t gone on it since he wanted to respect your wishes to some extent.

Until now.

Hongjoong swears it was curiosity, nothing more, but deep down he knew. He still needed to see that side of you, the side you deem acceptable for a whole world of strangers to see but not him.

Drove him mad.

But he was still in denial as he chanted in his head that this was only for research purposes. Bullshit.

Late at night, when pretty much everyone had gone home and he still had some work left to do, Hongjoong decided to take a well-deserved break, lying on his sofa as he scrolled through his phone.

He was doing what he had planned--he was finally doing it and nothing made the adrenaline rush faster through his veins. He clicked on the one which had the most reads, the one that was the most popular among anything you wrote, and from the title, it appeared innocent enough.

Maybe this wasn’t the one...

Then again, you were adamant that he never read it.

“Never hurt to try...” Hongjoong mumbled, despite being the only one in the sound-proof room. He clicked on it, anticipation making him restless.

Long chapter, as usual, and everything started out fine enough. No sign of anything, nothing suggestive at all.

What was the big deal about?

The next few chapters were of a similar feel. Sweet, gentle, fluffy. But he couldn’t put his phone down, something about this story had him...unsettled. It was nothing like your usually ones--with sadistic characters and an intricate plotline.

No. This had him slightly confused. It felt too kind.

Then he carried on. And then he realised.

That was exactly your intention.

The filter you had put over the first few chapters was slowly startling to peel away, into something more twisted.

Hongjoong buzzed off this, knowing exactly that the earlier chapters were a trap, a false sense of security. How you managed to poison every reader slowly, like your words were mercury.

By the time he got to the first smut chapter in the series, he was already consumed, work forgotten . Every word felt like it sucked out a part of his soul, and the heavy themes in the scenes had him in an uncomfortable situation of rather tight jeans.

Right now, all Hongjoong wanted was you. He needed you. To do all those things you wrote, to be there with him and feel the things he was feeling.

Luckily, you were always awake at this time of night.

Just a phone call away.

Park Seonghwa:

Although he loved your shower time, there was one habit that Seonghwa didn’t like and that was you leaving your notebooks everywhere. It made his daily cleaning harder than it should’ve been.

Never did he look through them, caring too much about not invading your privacy (save for a few months ago where he accidently found out about your fanfic account on AO3). But today was a stressful day already.

All he wanted right now was to lie down with you and watch some cheesy romcoms, accompanied by some snacks. Hongjoong, ever the perfectionist, was under more stress than usual and that meant all the other members were too.

Seonghwa was the nurturing mother, and even he felt like he lacked the energy to be as such with the way things were going right now--a comeback just around the corner.

So, yes, the tall boy was quite peeved today. He needed his charger. He needed you. But you were taking your damn time in the shower and he had to pick up all your damn notebooks from the most random places.

What even was it about these notebooks that you had to buy--or try to buy--a new one every time you entered a shop? Seonghwa never understood your love for them as he had only linked the devilish little thing to his work, where Hongjoong would be composing or writing lyrics.

The last thing he needed right now was something to remind him of his job.

The stress continued to build as this argumentative thoughts accumulated in his head, causing him to drop the hardback in his hands. “Fuck’s sake,” he growled, too pissed off at the moment to notice that your book had oh-so-conveniently opened up.

When he did, however, his fiery anger cooled down at the page, which had a few words on it. Luckily for him, your handwriting was fairly neat (unlike your normal habits) so he could read your little notes.

Phrases, sentences, ideas, the plot line in general, that’s what he got from a first glance. Maybe he could have a peek, seeing as though he was exerting a lot of energy recently.

The words, the plot, everything on that page was something he did not expect. It was smut.

Surely his innocent sweetheart wouldn’t be writing those, right? He gave you the benefit of the doubt when he found out about your fanfics. But you were a sweet girl, and he had always thought you mind was as pure as your heart was.

Then again, no one’s heart is truly pure, and it wasn’t the first time you had been tainted by him.

His eyes scanned your words, finding that it was somewhat vanilla and gentle.

A sigh escaped past his lips when he found that you were still his soft-hearted princess.

Then he noticed it was an old entry. Flicked through the pages and saw that the smut scenes progressively got more frequent and dabbled a little more in the dark side of things. 

His heart plummeted. Not just because your innocence was slowly peeling away, but because he too found himself getting a little interested by it. Especially one of the last entries of that notebook, where he found himself blushing hard enough to turn his normal skin to resemble that of rubies.

Yet, he couldn’t stop.

That was until he heard your voice yelling, "Seonghwa!"

Eyes like those caught in headlights, his large hands shut the book with lightning speed. But you had already caught him snooping.

"What are you doing with my notebooks?" You cheeks a dusty rouge from both the hot water and embarrassment, you snatched away the book from his hands.

"N-Nothing! It fell and opened up and I just..." He sighed, afraid that he'd already broken your trust. "I'm really sorry..."

Exhaling softly when you saw Seonghwa looking like some sort of scolded puppy, you reached on your tiptoes to ruffle his hair. Calms him down a little.

“What,” you cleared your throat to rid your voice of fear, “what did you read?”

Now how was he going to play this? Was he going to lie and say it was only one page, or would he say that he had a peruse through the whole thing? As you had caught him already, it would not be a bad idea to tell the truth. “Um...bits and bobs. Just skipped through, really. I’m sorry.”

Smiling softly, albeit a little awkwardly, you patted his shoulder comfortingly. “It’s fine, I just... didn’t... expect you to... find out this way.”

He chuckled nervously. “Well, I’ve know for about two weeks now, about your... writing.”

“What?!”

Jeong Yunho:

One problem that you have, is that now Yunho knew you wrote fanfics, you became sloppy with hiding it. Not like there was a real need to because--as mentioned--he knew about it. How you loved to write thrillers and suspense and all there strange wacky things you’d find on a documentary about dangerous people.

Though that didn’t mean you never wrote other things as well.

Your works were obviously for a certain age and above (not like the warnings you put matter because the underage ones read it anyway), so writing the occasional smut was normal for you.

In fact, you were comfortable with it. Your personal experience with Yunho, combined with the ones you read online, all fuelled your creativity. Unfortunately, now that you became more open, Yunho had more opportunities to read what you wrote.

Not like it mattered much, you thought, because the words in your google docs were pretty much ineligible from the phrases only you could decode.

Sadly, when it came to smuts (what you wanted in them and what you didn’t), there wasn’t really a way to hide what you were talking about.

So when your tall and rather innocent boyfriend took a sneak peak at your latest entry, he was smacked in the face with the bullet points on there:

Fake dating AU

Cunnilingus

Blindfolds

Size kink

Hand kink

Sir kink

Power play

Complacent sub

(Because for some goddamn reason, every Yunho smut I’ve seen had either a hand kink or size kink...not that I’m complaining tho--)

Was this the stuff you were into? Because he certainly never never knew it. Your sex life with him had been somewhat vanilla due to the fact it only recently started and both of you were still a little too shy to branch out and dabble in other things yet.

His only thoughts until he next saw you were about this. If you were channelling your frustrations into your writing, then he could help you, right? After all, he wasn’t against trying this stuff out. It was a learning experience he was willing to go through. For you.

So when you came back from work, he sat you down on the bed, very nervous with his large hands engulfing your own. Concern would be a drastic understatement.

“Y/N?” You hummed in reply, now thoroughly scared. “I just wanted to let you know... that I’m not afraid of...expanding our experiences and neither should you be.”

Your heart dropped into the abyss of your stomach. “Y-Yunho, are you breaking up with me?”

“Wait, what?” The confusion of this situation seemed rather familiar. “No, that’s not what I’m saying. I just...” he bit his lip, still quite shy. He really didn’t know how to say this outright.

So he showed you instead.

As your eyes fell on the document of your plan for the next smut scene you had to write, your face dropped. Horror was evident in every part of your expression and he could see that.

“Yunho, I--”

“Look, there’s nothing wrong with you wanting to try some of this,” he said, before bashfully looking out the same window you had when you had been discovered. “Besides... I wouldn’t object.”

Now that the both of your faces were redder than roses, the air had become slightly more...still and heavy.

“Listen, Yunho, just so you know, I don’t often write my own preferences. But I suppose trying new things is a bad idea...”

Kang Yeosang:

Almost a year had passed since your boyfriend had found out about your writing (through your clumsy cousin, no less) and you were careful as to what you showed him.

He often helped you through tough times like writer’s block, and understood your strange little habits. Even threw you an idea once in while whenever you were struggling to think of something or even took you out--restaurants, landmarks, whatever would help.

Yeosang was looking after you.

But now? Now, he pampered you.

That had you lowering your guard. He was being so kind, so why not let him read more?

Here’s ‘why not���:

Because he kept pushing his limits. Yeosang and you never had done anything, despite the fact that both of you were living together--by your request, since you had been in quite a few bad relationships where sex was a major factor. So, for the past two years, Yeosang had been alone in his endeavours.

All his intention was to find out what you were into. That was it, he swears. Thought it might at least curb the growing need to have you begging under him--or above him--just have a small glimpse as to what was in store. Maybe even have them as company when he really needed you.

Mission Impossible, is what this felt like, buttering you up, making you feel safe and comfortable (this came naturally since he always wanted you to feel this way with him, horny or not). You were like a fortress, always giving him more but not the stuff that he needed.

So he tried the same tactic he used to get you confess.

Truth or Dare (alone, obviously).

“Seriously? Last time we did it like this, you found out my rather embarrassing secret.”

“Just answer,” he pushed, watching you carefully as you climbed into bed next to him.

“Okay... truth,” you mumbled as you buried your body between his arm and chest.

“How about ‘dare’ this time?”

Your lips released a tired chuckled. “That’s not how this works, Yeosang...” But after a long few minutes of silence, you caved into his request. “Okay, fine. Dare,” you grumbled after saying something along the lines of, “if you wanted me to do something, then just ask.”

His lips brushed against the lobe of your ear, sending electric shocks down your spine. “I dare you to send me one of your smut fics.”

‘Surprised’ wasn’t really the word you would use to describe the immense shock that hit you like a train. “No.”

“Can’t go back on a dare.”

“But that’s even more embarrassing than having you read my normal fanfics...”

“No, it isn’t. Not to me, at least.”

“Yeosang,” you whined but as it became more and more clear that he would not give up as time passed on, you caved once more. Hesitant, you pulled out your phone to scroll through your works. What was the best one to send to him, you had no idea. “Can I at least ask why?”

“Because I want to get to know you more. All of you...” That one sentence had you more excited than you’d be willing to admit.

After all, it wasn’t just Yeosang who felt alone at nights (and sometimes days) for the past two years. Arguably, it was harder for you since you used to be very...active. Hence why you had such a selection to choose from right now--it was your outlet.

Perhaps it would be best to let him see the one that had you more bothered than anything after writing it--since he wanted to get to know that side of you as well.

Finally making a decision, you handed over your phone with bated breath. What would he think? Would he be weirded out? Would he not be into any of it?

For the boy, however, it was a completely different story; he was too into it. The more he read on, the worse his boner got until he looked physically uncomfortable.

Immediately seeing the discomfort on his face, it was as if your worries became reality. Hand reached out to snatch the phone from his hand but his reflexes were much quicker than yours, pulling the slab away as he kept on reading.

By the time he finished, his breathing was heavy and ragged.

This, sadly, had only made his situation worse. Only purpose this served was to make him crave you even more. Certainly didn’t help to have you leaning over him, soft, bra-less chest beneath thin, stretchy cotton of your shirt against his bare arm, trying to see if he was alright. Definitely had you concerned seeing his pained self.

“Are you okay?”

“Not really,” he humourlessly chuckled, “didn’t know it would affect me as much as it had...”

For some reason, you leaned further down and kissed him. Whether it was because of seeing his hooded eyes or feeling the tension in his muscles as he restrained himself against your body, you didn’t care. Relief was the first thing you felt, knowing that he was just as frustrated as you when you wrote it.

No, he was worse. You could tell by the feverish movement of his mouth against yours. You could tell by the harsh grip he had on your waist. You could tell by the stiffness poking your thigh.

Yeosang pulled away with as much willpower as he could muster, while your lips chased after his. “N-No, we can’t, remember?”

Huffing, you were thoroughly pissed off at the promise you made two years ago with him when you first started out dating. “Yeosang, look at me.”

His gaze was even more reluctant, knowing very well that it would be much more difficult to have the eyes he loved so much staring back at him with as much lust as he had clouding them. But he listened.

“That promise was there so I could get to know you and see if I want to commit to this relationship, long-term, and we’ve had two years to think it--which is long enough for me.” Each hand cupped his cheeks, pulling him closer for a peck since you couldn’t handle being that touch starved anymore. “So, screw me.”

Yeosang didn’t need to be told twice.

Choi San:

It had been a little over a month and San had still not dropped his admiration. Didn’t look as if that was going to change anytime soon either, especially with one of your recent updates.

Your current story had a lot of pent up sexual tension and all your readers (your boyfriend being no exception) were at the point of begging in the notes of each update.

Finally, you decided to take mercy on all the poor folks and finally write that one scene which had them crying with gratefulness at the end.

As it was a long-awaited scene, it had to live up to high expectations. While you could do the most tooth-rotting fluff ever, that wasn’t your style. This scene needed to fit the vibe of your series so the whole bit flowed nicely.

The problem was, everything you wrote was ‘too much’. Too much fluff. Too much kink. Too much basicness. Too much weirdness. Too much awkwardness. Too much cringiness.

Unfortunately, this put you in a bit of a pickle and you were close to losing your damn mind. On the other hand, San--the caring lover he was--had noticed. Wanted to do something nice for you, not just because he could clearly tell it was a bad case of writer’s block and he wanted to you to write more things he could read, but because it hurt him a little inside to see you this frustrated.

Requested a day of, which he got considering how hard he had been working, an spent that day as your personal servant. First up was breakfast in bed--fried egg (sunny side up), beans, buttered toast, hash browns and a tall glass of cold, hand-squeezed orange juice. Not to mention a shirtless San in plaid cotton pants, the only coverage his torso receiving was the pink apron he had on.

Kissed you on the forehead and told you to take your time, then get ready or a day out while he made lunch.

The next two meals went by in a similar fashion, where he had put so much love and care for everything to be perfect for you. Your favourite sandwich and a fruit salad, water and a chocolate chip cookie before a walk in the park where you both fed the ducks in one of the nearby lakes.

Later was dinner--arguably the best one out of them all. Steak with roast potatoes, and steamed vegetables (much to San’s dislike, but he withstood it for you). The day’s activity had you more than tired, cheeks aching slightly from smiling too much. Then again, you didn’t even notice because all you could think about was how lucky you were to land yourself such an amazing boyfriend.

Even after dinner, he continued to treat you like the royalty you were in his eyes. Offered a nice massage to relieve the past week’s tension all pent up in your poor muscles. It was innocent enough...

Until it wasn’t any more.

Despite the cloths thrown about everywhere on the bed, neither of you had motioned to clean up and San had instead opted to run you a bubble bath. Scented candles and all. It was more relaxing than you had imagined it to be, and by the time your face rested on San’s now-clothed torso--both of you wrapped snuggly up--you fell asleep.

The man loved the sight, and for once, he actually enjoyed running after you, making sure your every need was fulfilled whether you expressed it or not.

Because throughout the day, you were the happiest he had seen in a while, and all his efforts let up to this sight: you cuddled up close with that beautiful, enchanting smile faintly on your plush lips that he had so gently attacked not two hours ago.

He found himself loving you even more; a pleasant surprise as he had thought his cup was close to overflowing.

Two days later, he found himself falling even deeper when you had finally posted your latest chapter. San found himself grinning by the end of it--a little turned on, but more happy than anything.

Because San’s magic had worked. Cured your painful writer’s block since the words simply flowed as you typed the scene that had been causing you hell.

And whole chapter was awfully similar to that special day when San decided to take care of you.

Just tweaked a little so it would be more smut than it was fluff, adding just the right amount of sweetness that allowed your story to continue to flow perfectly.

Which was why San had been more joyous than usual the past week.

You were a perceptive person so you caught the change in his usual demeanour rather quickly. The source of it, however, was beyond you (he was good at hiding his knowledge of your secret). Any reason you tried to pin down on him was a little off.

Stress? No, he was too happy for that. Upcoming event? None that you knew of, and he shared everything of importance with you. Feeling happy just because? San was the more emotional out of the two of you and none of his moods lasted this long.

So what was it?

It was frustrating to say the least, but your boyfriend wasn’t letting it out. And you don’t think he ever will.

“Oh well,” you mumble, “can’t be that bad if he’s so happy...”

Song Mingi:

The boys had made a pact when they began to read your stories: no reading smuts with the group. This was fairly easy since they would normally be oneshots and you generally weren’t one to write them often into your series. On the odd occasion you did, you often put up a warning and explained straight after if there were any important bits.

All in all, very easy to avoid.

Mingi was a gigantic baby, and with babies, comes curiosity. A sense of need to know what’s happening. An insatiable thirst for knowledge and experience. Suppose what is trying to be said here is, is that Mingi wanted to read the explicit stuff you wrote.

What went on inside that wonderous brain of yours, he wanted to find out. But he couldn’t do that with the boys, nor did he want to. No chance in hell he was gonna be caught with an awkward boner.

Never would he live that one down.

So his plan commenced at night, when everyone in the dorms were fast asleep, he opened up his phone.

Now would normally come the dilemma of what to read, but Mingi is not that patient; as mentioned before, he is a giant baby. The first post he found that fit his criteria was the one that he read. Coincidently, that was result of your ‘experimental’ ones.

Using metallic things wasn’t something you had tried yet with Mingi, but you though you’d take it for a test run through your work to at least see it clearly how it would run if something like that was to happen. Sometimes, you found, it’s makes more sense to write it out rather to keep in your head.

On the other hand, Mingi didn’t really know that your writings stemmed from mild curiosity rather than what your really into (not that you would particularly mind trying some of it out). In his head, this was what you wanted to do.

He’d be lying if he said that the idea wasn’t much of a turn on, and the time he  spent trying not to make a sound loud enough to wake up the other members would prove that. To him, this is was your wish and he would gladly comply to it.

The next day, he decided to run along with the theme, but to also add in a few twists of his own. You often liked that, both in and out of the bedroom.

Went out to buy some new rings for you, larger ones decorated with pretty gems for his pretty baby (even though he was one himself). Handcuffs, too, were ordered online, and a silver-chain choker--he made sure to double check it was safe to use. Next up was a little metal ball--he got this idea from the pokey challenge and something called the ‘passion fruit kiss’ on snapchat. Either way, he was excited to try it.

Babies like Mingi, as mentioned, have little patience and so he wanted to try it out as soon as possible, so the moment everything came, he quickly sterilised everything and waited for you to come home.

Made sure each metal piece was cold to the touch by keeping it in the fridge, and had a rolled up black silk tie stuffed in his pocket to act as a makeshift blindfold.

Sensory deprivation was the ‘twist’ he wanted to put on, since you both had tried something similar before with ice cubes and that went quite well...until it became too cold for Mingi’s mouth and that plan had to be scrapped sooner--hence fridge, for a little bit of coldness.

When you finally arrived, he looked like an excited puppy, and you had no idea why. Until he spun you around and tied a soft cloth over your eyes. “Mingi, I’m really tired and I just--”

“Shhhhh,” Mingi lulled right next to your ear, warm breath fanning over the nape of your neck which felt more sensitive than usual, “trust me?”

Sigh escaping past your lips, because yes, of course you trusted him. And now that you felt slightly more awake from his action, maybe you were willing to hear him out. ”Baby, what are you doing?”

Chuckling that followed your question was deeper than normal. Had it always been like that or was it your mind playing tricks on you? Either way, he didn’t answer and all you had heard was the fridge opening.

“Seriously, baby, what are you doing?” Now you were just nervous, all intentions of a lazy evening down the drain as your heart sped up.

It closed, and shortly after your lips were met with his, a faint taste of strawberry attached to them. Then something smooth and cold slipped past from him to you.

The metal ball was passed between the two of you in a playful game of which only your boyfriend knew the rules of.

When he could tell your guard was down and now you became a little more comfortable, Mingi slowly took your hands behind your back.

You had not paid attention, but you should have. Cold, tight restraints pressed against your skin, shockwaves making you gasp from the low temperature. But Mingi kept on going, kissing you to ease your tension.

Two metal things, so there must be a third, right? You knew about people’s strange obsession with threes so you completely expected another cold metal object to come into play. But the question was, what?

You soon found out when a thick chain choker brushed against your neck, clasping around it snuggly. This was it. This was the third and final one. And your suspicions seemed correct when you had not felt another chilly accessory grace your skin.

You wouldn’t have, not when the coldest of all the items--the rings--were being slipped onto your boyfriend’s fingers. You were in for a surprise in just a few moment.

Needless to say, there was only one thought swirling around in your head.

Maybe he isn’t that much of a baby.

Jung Wooyoung:

Ever since Wooyoung found out your fanfics were not about him, but his favourite K-Pop band, BTS, he had been...difficult. Moping around, trying to play for your attention a lot more than normal, not letting you have some peace of quiet with your computer.

It was almost as if he was jealous. You knew how needy the boy could be, wanting skinship with you more than he did with San. Knowing that you were fawning over men that weren’t him had certainly done something to him.

But Wooyoung knew you were no-nonsense. The complete opposite of him. It was exactly why he fell for you, and it was exactly why he wasn’t being as petty as he wanted at the moment.

He knew deep down you were his and he was yours.

Then again, that still didn’t stop him from feeling jealous, and had even gone so far as to decrease the amount he listened to BTS’ songs--especially around you.

At first, you didn’t notice the change since Wooyoung was often spontaneous so his behavioural pattern was difficult to decipher. Eventually there came a point where the clinginess increased so much, you couldn’t feign ignorance anymore.

Looking back, maybe you should not have burst his bubble and let him think that your fanfics were about him... Actually, no; either way, the moment he found out about your hobby, it was going to be hell. But now you just feel bad.

Yet, you don’t feel bad enough to stop. You never actually fantasised about being with them--it was just fun to write about. Clearly, he didn’t understand.

Your boyfriend seemed to be at his tipping point when he came back to you after a long day of dance practices that went sideways, typing away intently on your computer.

This was his time. You usually spend time with Wooyoung when he came back, but you were too busy to comfort him in his desperate time of need. Too busy with fantasising about Taehyung’s large hands or Namjoon’s dimpled smile.

Wooyoung was as cute as Hoseok and Jungkook. He had a unique laugh like Seokjin and was as flirty as Jimin.

He had all your favourite qualities in a partner so why spend time thinking about other men? He was literally right there, begging for your attention and yet, now it seemed as if you gave him none (which wasn’t true since the only thing you’ve done is become less secretive about writing).

When his attempts at distracting you from writing had fail, he tried to see what exactly it was you were writing about. Unfortunately, you had tried to hid it from his sight; the only thing that helped in doing was pissing him off even further.

Only after a tough struggle did he finally see what you had been so focused on that you had neglected him.

It was more BTS fanfic, but this one was worse. This one had him fuming--skin hot red and ears pooling out steam. This one was smut.

It was about no other than Yoongi, and by God, was it a rough.

That was how you liked it, and so did Wooyoung. Probably why he was so angry while reading about mirror sex with one of his fellow idols; you were just twiddling your thumbs in the corner, not sure about how badly your boyfriend was going to burst.

Wooyoung, no matter how mad he was, he had to admit... it did turn him on. Although, he was a prideful boy--not liking how you thought about others and more importantly, how threatened he felt while reading it.

Suddenly realising that it wasn’t enough just being all the perfect parts you liked (even if it came naturally to him).

He had a point to prove; Wooyoung could go beyond your wildest fantasies--and boy was it a wild fantasy.

Throwing your phone haphazardly somewhere (making you wince in prayer that it was not broken), your boyfriend gripped you by the wrist and dragged you across the room. You had barely enough time to realise what he was doing, only feeling a cold surface against your back as his lips ravished yours.

At some point, he broke away--lips swollen and slightly more red than normal. To say the sight had not affected you more than you already were would be a lie.

Still not giving you enough time to speak, Wooyoung turned you around so you could finally see what he had you pressed against.

A mirror.

If an idea of what he was planning hadn’t dawned on you, having his fingers tug at your clothes certainly gave you one now. His free hand had clasped around your jaw, making you look right into your reflection, seeing how your boyfriend’s lips were dangerously close to your ears as he looked at you dead in the eye through the mirror.

“Let me show you that I can be better than your imagination. Let me show you that you need to think about no one but me. Let me show you how good you’ll feel and who is the sole reason behind it.”

Yes, Wooyoung has all your favourite qualities in a partner while exceeding all expectations. That’s why you’re dating him.

Choi Jongho:

Ever since the release of your first movie and publication of the book it was based on, your career had blossomed. Finally, you quit the job that had been draining the life out of you to work full time at the publishing company.

Everyone around you could tell you were much happier, and the one who noticed it the most was Jongho.

Sure, your eyes were less sunken in, your cheeks more red, your step more bouncy. But he could feel that you changed on the inside too.

Your smile didn’t feel so forced after you came back from work and he had asked you how the day was. Now, your boyfriend found himself talking less and listening more to what you had to say.

If there was an expression more powerful to describe how he loved this happier version of you, he would use it in a heartbeat.

Sure, there were still times when the both of you couldn’t hang out as much as you would like to, but that was always in the job description, and the both of you were more than happy with it as long as the bed had both of you in it at the end of the day, both metaphorically and literally.

Then came along your second movie deal of a completely different story. In fact, it was based upon a movie you had watched at the time, and you hated it so much that you simply redid the entire thing.

In fact, it had irked you to the point no one could even tell it was based off of something since you had changed so much of it. However, there were still concepts you kept in the story--intimate scenes, for example (even if they too were completely changed).

You wrote such concepts before, and you would continue to do so since it was just interesting to write. Jongho, however, did not know about it.

At all.

So once your second movie was released, he was in for a surprise.

It was miraculous how terrible your memory was, since you had forgotten that you had not told him about the scene that would come up as you both watched it at home just before it’s release in the cinemas.

‘Surprise’ wasn’t really the word Jongho would use when it did come up, nor would it be ‘shock’. He was... mildly curious? Not that either... Well, all he knew that whatever he was feeling was not overwhelming.

“Did you know they changed this scene?” you spoke up.

“Really?”

Humming, you nodded your head. “They said the original scene was... Let’s just say they thought it was ‘too much’.” Then you scoffed under your breath. “Don’t know why they thought that though. It was fairly vanilla. Just some wall sex is all,” you confessed.

Now he felt a little overwhelmed. But he was mainly amused. “I don’t remember doing that with you.”

“Hmm? Oh... that’s because we didn’t.”

Chuckling under his breath, he cocked his head to the side, the paused scene in the background long forgotten. “Have you ever wanted to try it?”

“Once upon a time. Suggested it to my ex once before but he couldn’t lift me up since I was ‘way too heavy’,” you recalled with air quotations. “Didn’t bother trying after that.” You laughed at the memory, finding it to be hilarious back then and even now.

But your boyfriend on the other hand had not. In fact, he was no longer amused.

He was pissed.

It wasn’t about the fact that you had mentioned your ex--he never felt even remotely threatened by him. It was because he had called you heavy. He called his precious darling ‘heavy’. And you just laughed.

That was who you were--no matter how mean another person was being to you, you took it as a joke and moved on. You saw no point in dwelling over the bad, and that was one of the many genuine things he had fallen for. This time was different; it annoyed him.

Sure it might have been a dumb little memory for you, yet simply hearing about it had his blood boiling.

“Get up.”

“Wha--why?” The dark look in his eye had your lips sealing within the second. As if on autopilot, your body stood from the sofa you two were so comfortably perched on.

He followed you up, wrapping his hands around the back of your thighs, which only meant one thing. “Jongho--no. You won’t be able to.”

“Am I or am I not the strongest man you’ve ever met?”

“You are, but--”

“‘But’ I don’t care.” Forcefully, he lifted you up as you yelped, legs wrapping around his waist. “See? I can pick you up completely fine.”

Scanning his face, you saw that what he said was true. He picked you up as if you were as light as a feather, no tension in his neck, face, or arms to suggest he was having a hard time either.

It had you leaning against him, forehead touching forehead, laughing even more than you did before. Smile once again etched on his face, Jongho pecked your lips, walking slowly with you in his arms.

“Now shush and let me fuck you against the wall.”

[cuddlepilefics]

Lullaby and good night

Fandom: Stray Kids

Sickie/Little: Minho

Caregiver: Jisung

 Minho’s POV.:

Our next comeback was approaching and 3racha had only finished up in the studio very recently. Now that all their tracks had been finished, it was the dance-line’s task to come up with choreographies. Being the oldest member of the dance-line, I felt a sense of responsibility, so I pretty much took the lead and spent most of my time in the practice room. In my free time, which was mostly at night, I went to the studio to practice my vocals. I knew I had to improve my singing, I read all the comments online, saying the only reason I was in the group was for my visuals. As much as it honored me that Stay found me handsome, as much did it hurt to hear I was good for nothing. Some nights I skipped entirely, not going back to the dorm at all and meeting up with my members for practice the next morning. Often it took a stern conversation with Chan-hyung to drag me back and get some rest. Couldn’t he see that I needed more time to practice? That I needed to work more to make up for the talent I was lacking? I hadn’t gone home after practice last night, instead dancing for another three hours before dragging my sore body to the studio to go over some of the new songs. I hoped with enough practice I’d get my lines down to perfection. It weren’t many anyways.

The next morning, I met up with Hyunjin and Felix to work on our choreos. The young Aussie was having a tough time, often messing up and being on edge the entire time. I saw his hands shaking every time he lost a step and his brows were furrowed as though he had a headache. Being a little myself, it didn’t take long for me to put two and two together. The poor boy was trying so hard not to slip but the stress was slowly getting to him. He wasn’t even there for a full hour before I decided to be a good hyung and send him home. It took a while for Felix to accept my decision, he didn’t want to hold us back and be a burden and I knew exactly how he felt but after quite some pushing from Hyunjin and me and a call to Chan, the dance-line maknae let the leader collect him from the practice room. From that on, it was only Hyunjin and me. We hadn’t even danced for that long but we were both drenched in sweat. My limbs ached and my protested with every movement. I doubted my dongsaeng felt any different but he put on a battle-face and soldiered on. Hyunjin really was something, though sensitive most of the time, when it came to dancing, he was pure professionalism. Not once did he complain about me torturing both of us with endless reruns of the same sequence. It was easy to work with him and seeing him be strong and push his exhaustion and pain away, gave me the strength to do the same.

We cut our lunch break short. Hyunjin gave me a proteinbar from his bag because I had eaten my last for dinner last night. I’d have to go back to the dorm soon to refill the snack-department of my practice bag. The break was just long enough to catch our breaths and force down a proteinbar and some water. Sure, it wasn’t a full meal but if we ate too much, the sharp movements would make us queasy. My eyes were burning and my head ached but on second thought, everything ached, so all I could do was suck it up and hope we’d finish soon. I was really craving a shower and my bed at this point. We had only resumed dancing for a few minutes, when my eyes were starting to bother me, well, bother me more than before. The bright overhead lights seamed distorted, casting strange shapes. I really shouldn’t wear my contacts for days on end. Blinking rapidly, I tried to clear my vision from the shimmering distortions before looking over at Hyunjin, squinting in an attempt to see him clearly. I’ve probably been staring at him for too long because he gave me a questioning look. The room suddenly shifted sideways before everything went black.

When I came to again, the first thing I heard was a loud howling noise quickly changing in pitch. It was too loud, my head was pounding and the noise didn’t help with that at all. Why couldn’t it just be quiet? I wanted to sleep. There were broken and half-suppressed sobs somewhere close. But where? It sounded a lot like Hyunjin. Trying to open my eyes, I failed as my eyelids seemed to be glued shut. There was a pressure around my hand, which seemed to come from the same direction as the sobs. Finally managing to blink my eyes open, I quickly closed them again and groaned as I hadn’t expected it too be so bright. I felt my hand being squeezed and I gave a weak squeeze back. There was also a voice that I didn’t recognize, words blurring together incomprehensible. Just wanting to sleep, I decided to ignore the voice and kept my eyes closed. It was too bright to open them anyways. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t go back to sleep. As soon as I became aware of the moist stickiness, with which my pants clung to me, it was too uncomfortable to get another minute of rest.

Through all the commotion, I kept my eyes closed. Why wouldn’t they stop bothering me? Is it too much to ask to just be allowed some rest? There were hands on me and my bed was shaking. I tried swatting the hands away but I wasn’t strong enough. My clothes were pulled on and suddenly I felt cold. Was I naked? My breathing quickened as I felt helpless and violated. All I had wanted to do was sleep off the pounding headache behind my temples. Oh thanks, someone had put a blanket on me. The commotion was slowly dying down and I dared opening my eyes again, though only a crack. The reassuring hand in mine had disappeared for a while but now I could feel it again. Looking over, I was faced with a tearstained Hyunjin. “H-Hey, you’re awake, hyung”, he smiled shakily. Trying to speak, I head to clear my throat a few times before I was able to get a sound out: “J-Jinnie? Wha’ happened? People were touching me, my head hurts.” – “It’s ok, hyung. They were only helping”, Hyunjin promised before breaking into tears again, “We were dancing together when you kept staring at me. I asked you a few times what was wrong but – but-…” – “Jinnie?”, rasped, squeezing his hand like he had done to me before. My dongsaeng just continued to choke on sobs, clearly terrified of something. But what?

I wanted to reassure him but how could I when I didn’t even know what happened? I was still so unbelievably tired but I couldn’t go to sleep, knowing my dongsaeng was crying next to me. The door opened and in piled my friends. Chan sat down on the bed next to my, taking my hand into his, while Changbin pulled Hyunjin out of the chair and into his arms. “Hyung?”, I looked at him with pleading eyes. The oldest sighed, studying my face: “You don’t remember what happened, do you Min?” I shook my head a bit, waiting for an explanation. “Hyunjin called us because you suddenly collapsed and had a seizure. He called an ambulance, which took both of you here, we followed”, the leader explained calmly but in his eyes I could see he was anything but calm. I had heard anything clearly but for some reason I couldn’t comprehend his words. They made no sense to me. Why would I have a seizure? I never had one before. My hyung must have sensed my confusion because he added: “The doctor said it might have been caused by sleep deprivation but they couldn’t confirm it yet because no one knew how much or rather little sleep you had gotten recently. To me it sounds likely because there were too many nights you didn’t come back at all.” Refusing to meet Chan’s eyes, I stared at the blanket in my lap, which seemed to confirm his suspicions. “I don’t think I have to tell you that you should have taken better care of yourself. You’re one of the oldest here and I know I haven’t been the greatest role-model but not even I have ever taken it to that extreme”, He frowned disappointed. Fighting tears back, I tried to explain myself: “It’s just, all those comments online, reminding me of my lack of talent. I just wanted to improve myself for Stay.” Great, with that confession I have earned myself another round of ‘Why we are not supposed to read comments on social media’, but I knew they meant well giving me a talk.

Another hour, many compliments for my skills and hugs from everyone later, most members went home, promising that one or two of them would come back later to bring me a bag with some clothes and my toothbrush. Much to my dismay, I learned that I’d have to stay at least one night for observation. Chan and Jisung stayed after everyone else left. I was grateful for their presence because I still needed to come to terms with what had happened. I had talked to a doctor, who had explained my situation again. It gave me hope because he said it might never happen again if I make sure to take good care of my body. His words were very inspirational to me: ‘Rest is a right, not a reward.’ I will probably make a poster of this and hang it in the 3racha studio, so others could also benefit from this man’s wise words.

No one’s POV.:

Chan and Jisung stayed to keep Minho company. The dancer kept a cool exterior to reassure his friends but the two knew he was really shaken-up inside. The trio continued talking, about everything and anything, trying to distract themselves and the mood in the room was considerably light. Until a nurse came in, that is. She wanted to give the dancer an IV, which would also be useful for administering medication for the pain. The atmosphere turned sour and Minho squirmed uncomfortably. He hated needles. Jisung quickly took his hand, trying to calm the older down. The nurse gave them a sympathetic smile as she had seen the same scene multiple times. Her promises, it would only be a tiny pinch and it would be over before Minho knew it, fell on deaf ears. When she took another step closer, needle in hand, the dancer couldn’t take it anymore. He screamed, trying to pull away from Jisung, who was holding onto his wrist. Then, as if a switch was flicked, he crawled back to the rapper, clutching his shirt. “Jiji, nuh let Min huwt!”, he sobbed, his breaths coming in short strained puffs. The nurse quickly put the needle down out of sight, taking a few steps back to give them space. Chan and Jisung had both paled immediately after noticing how Minho had slipped. They were terrified of it happening with a stranger in the room, afraid the little would be treated with disgust. Jisung was quick to sit on the edge of the bed, an arm wrapped around the dancer as he whispered soothing nothings and tried to help the other to slow his breathing down. At the same time, Chan studied the nurse, hoping for any clue on how she thought about little space.

A few minutes later, Jisung had finally managed to talk the little down and the nurse considered it safe to approach them again, without a needle this time. “Hey sweetie, can you tell me how old you feel right now?”, she cooed, crouching in front of the pair. All she got was a whimper from Minho, who pressed himself closer to Jisung, and the stunned looks of Chan and Jisung. She smiled at their confusion: “Regressing in age is a not too uncommon coping mechanism. People only thing it’s uncommon because everyone’s ashamed of talking about it. What’s bad about creating a safe space for oneself? It’s harmless, unlike taking drugs or self-harming as an outlet.” She wasn’t wrong there and her acceptance helped Minho build the courage to meet her eyes. When they were going to give the IV another try, Chan silently disappeared out of the room to call the members at the dorm, asking them to also pack Minho’s beloved cat plushie and a pacifier.

“Min, I’d need to give you some medicine but to be able to do that, I’ll have to put a small tube into the back of your hand”, she tried carefully. The little’s eyes went wide and he shook his head furiously. Jisung rubbed his back, hoping to be able to convince him: “Kitten, I know you’re scared. Hyung knows. But don’t you feel icky?” Minho sniffled and touched his head, whimpering a pitiful: “Ouchie.” – “I know, bubba. She’s going to help with that, if you let her. You trust Jiji-hyungie, right? I wouldn’t let anyone do anything that’s bad for you”, the rapper promised, “You’re my brave boy, aren’t you?” Minho whined loudly, he knew Jisung was right but he hated it. “Usually when we have to give a child an injection or IV, we let them sit on their parents lap”, the nurse mused. Jisung didn’t have to be told twice to kick of his shoes and sit down on the bed properly. He pulled the little onto his lap, who quickly buried his face against the rapper’s neck. Taking a few deep breaths and inhaling the caregiver’s soothing scent, Minho held out his right hand, stretching it far away from his body. “You’re so brave, kitten. Hyung’s really proud of you”, Jisung praised. The nurse wasted no time, afraid the little’s burst of confidence would be over before she’d have the needle in. It was really only a small prick and Minho didn’t even have the time to cry out before it was over. Quickly wrapping a few layers of bandage around the dancer’s hand to make sure he wouldn’t accidentally pull the needle out, she stepped back and smiled. She walked over to a cabinet and pulled out a small piece of paper, chuckling: “A brave boy like you totally deserves some stickers.” – “Stickers!!!”, the little squealed, accepting the sheet and studying it. Jisung grinned, glad the fuss was over, and reminded: “What do we say, Min?” – “Tank chuuu!”, the dancer giggled. With a satisfied smile, the nurse connected the bag of fluids and painkillers before leaving the room.

Chan returned and listened to Minho boast about his knew stickers, while they waited for their friends to arrive with the dancer’s necessities. “Hyung, I’m going to stay here with him tonight”, Jisung announced, still sitting on the bed with the little on his lap. The leader nodded, he had already expected this given the rapper was Minho’s main caregiver and the two were extremely close. They kept playing around for a while, the dancer giggling happily, IV already forgotten, till there was a knock on the door. In came Changbin and Seungmin their worried faces brightening at the sight of the happy little on Jisung’s lap. Their worry had doubled when Chan told them Minho had slipped but it now melted away completely. “Hey there, little one”, Seungmin laughed, walking over and ruffling the dancer’s hair, “You gave your Jinnie-hyung quite a scare”, noticing the little’s frown, he was quick to add, “Don’t worry Jinnie’s fine.” – “Look we brought Soori”, Changbin distracted, pulling the plushie from the bag and handing it over. Cuddling the stuffed cat close to his chest, Minho looked up with sparkling eyes and mumbled: “Tank chu, Binnie-hyung.”

Changbin and Seungmin took Chan back home with them after saying good bye to Minho and Jisung. The rapper gently helped the little to change out of the hospital into his own clothes, making sure to pull the bottle and tubing through the sleeve first and guiding Minho’s hand, so he wouldn’t mess with the IV. The energy and excitement, that had fueled the dancer while the other members were present, soon ebbed away and the exhaustion that had brought him into the current situation caught up to him. “Is there someone sleepy?”, Jisung cooed, running a hand through the little’s hair. Minho gave a small nod, yawning widely while he rubbed a fist against his eye: “Wan’ cuddle Jiji.” – “Okay baby, scoot over a bit”, the rapper requested, climbing under the blanket too, “Here, hold on to Soori, she wants cuddles too.” Clutching the plushie, the little snuggled up against his caregiver, who pulled a paci from the bag and slipped it between the little’s lips. “Go to sleep, kitten. Hyungie will sing for you, ok?”, Jisung hummed, he was hoping Minho would be able to catch up on the sleep he was lacking, “Good night, little one.”

[baepop]

PRIVATE // 1

You meet a captivating stranger whose sudden appearance stirs the unrequited feelings of your best friend.

Word Count: 7.5k

Pairing: Jungkook x You x Jennie

Genre: Slight angst/fluff, slight smut (aka: the buildup)

A/N: Happy pride month bitches! Bisexual fic coming your way!

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12

Everything about Jennie was as proper as could be. Her shoes never seemed to scuff, not even the pair with the studs that she loved so much; her pleated skirts never dared utter a single wrinkle and if you ever thought to see a hair out of place, even after a session of hot yoga, well…you’d thought wrong. When Jennie first started coming around, you swore she was some park avenue princess with the way she insisted on paying for meals and buying you things without having known each other long. You two had met through a friend of a friend at a mellow house party but never exchanged social media or anything. You just couldn’t see yourself befriending her, preferring instead to focus on your studies for your senior year of college. Making it to these parties occasionally and chatting up strangers for a while was all you really had time for. So it was much to your surprise running into Jennie at a café on campus that you frequented weekday afternoons whenever you didn’t have class or work. She had tapped you on your shoulder then embraced your figure once you turned around to see who was invading your personal space. That day she had on a canary yellow peacoat and her hair smelled of coconut, two things you’d noticed as her arms lingered around your frame for a beat too long. The next day she wore a mauve peacoat that perfectly complimented the blush on her cheeks. Next was periwinkle and then taupe before you finally asked her why she was suddenly such a fan of the coffee on your campus seeing as how she wasn’t a student at the university.

“Well, I…I’m not actually. The coffee here is subpar and don’t even get me started on the tea selection.” You stared at her with a blank expression until she defeatedly sighed and placed her mug on the table. “You didn’t give me your number before you left Yoongi’s party. And when I asked him for it, he refused to give it to me and instead told me I could probably find you here.” You both sat there staring at each other for what seemed like minutes before you gave up, breaking eye contact to sip on your coffee and turn to the next page in your psychology book. At that point you didn’t care why she wanted to befriend you so bad, but you also didn’t care enough to push her away, so you two sat there in comfortable silence as you went over this week’s cognitive dissonance chapter. You figured you had made a good impression at the party and she probably didn’t have much going on to keep herself busy.

It didn’t take long for Jennie to weasel her way into being your best friend despite your callous indifference of her incessant presence in the coffee house. It also wasn’t a coveted title to obtain as you hadn’t been a social butterfly lately. It took a good amount of begging before she convinced you to sign up for yoga classes with her, held on the evenings 4 floors below her penthouse, only a month after she began visiting you on campus. At that point, you hadn’t minded her company so much anymore as you got to know the goofy yet intelligent aspects of her personality that vibed well with your own. If you were being truthful with yourself, you were happy Jennie had managed to become a good friend of yours because things had gotten stale and lonely having only your schoolwork and job to focus on. Still, however, Jennie remained an enigma to you as generally people of her stature didn’t go out of their way to befriend someone like you, especially when you’ve made them work for it. One night, you agreed to go up to her place for a glass of wine after yoga and that’s when all the walls finally came down. The façade of her perfect image came tumbling down as she admitted to feeling immense pressure to be who everyone else thought she was. She also admitted to finally feeling seen that night you two met at Yoongi’s party when you complimented the song she played on the stereo. Everyone was complaining about her music choices being too mellow to dance to but once you had arrived at the party you loved the strum of the guitar you heard as you sipped on your drink and decided to compliment whoever it was that was playing the song. The memory of her babbling into her glass for 45 minutes as her top knot loosened and drooped over her forehead was a warm one that never quite left you. And it was also the same night where you started to finally let her in.

***

“Let’s get pizza.” Jennie looked up from scrolling on her endless Instagram feed at the sound of her stomach rumbling.

Without looking up from your phone, you shook your head no and replied, “Nah, sorry I have to tutor that kid in a bit, remember?” Jennie sucked her teeth and solemnly went back to her phone screen.

“Why did you agree to do that anyway?” she whined childishly.

“You know I could really use the money Jen. A girls got bills.” You sighed as you scrolled past a beautiful pair of boots advertised on your timeline.

“I will literally buy you whatever you want, you know that.” Jennie rolled her eyes as her face settled into a pout while leaning her head into her palm.

“I know, and that’s the problem.” You chuckled bitterly. “I’ve got way too many family members born next month so I need to save up some money for presents. You can come shopping with me if you want.”

“Ugh okay, but I’m not letting you drag me into another thrift shop! Those places give me the heebie-jeebies! Who knows what ---”

The alarm on your phone signaling the tutoring session approaching interrupted Jennie mid-sentence. You shot her an apologetic look as her pout became even more pronounced. “We can get pizza when I’m done. Gotta go for now though! Text ya later.” You swung your bookbag across your shoulder and swiftly entered the elevator that would take you to the main floor. As you descended through all 21 floors, you recalled how uncomfortable it was to hang out at her place in the beginning stages of your budding friendship. Now you’ve gotten so used to the obscure paintings on the walls and expensive decorations that you wondered if it was you who was making space for her eccentricity in your life or if it was her lavish lifestyle that was making way for boring old you. Just then the doors swung open into the hustle and bustle of the lobby, effectively interrupting your train of thought as you blended into the chaos of busy people.

 ***

“Jeon Jungkook?” You bent over to peer at the brown-haired boy who was huddled over his laptop’s screen. This café on campus was one of the less popular ones, which made it easier to assume this boy was your tutee as he was the only one at the café apart from a girl hunched over a table lightly snoring. He peered up at you in a double-take then settled on the screen of his laptop as he ferociously jabbed on the directional keys of the keyboard.

“Yeah, that’s me…are you the…tutor?” His distractedness during your introduction confused you before you glanced at his computer and realized he was in the middle of an online SMITE match. Normally you would be content in waiting for him to finish before you could start the session but the idea of missing out on pizza annoyed you. You decided to close his laptop shut and keep your finger on top of it until he was forced to give you his undivided attention.

“Hi! I’m (Y/N), your English tutor. If you don’t mind, I have plans later so I’d like to get started as soon as possible.” You plastered a wide smile on your face. The boy, too stunned to respond, sat there frozen as you dropped your book bag onto the chair and began taking out a notebook and a pencil.

“Sorry.” You heard him mumble under his breath but pretended not to hear it to avoid an awkward moment. Instead, you smiled at him again and asked exactly what he needed help with. “We’re reading this book in class right now and there’s a book report due next week. The language is really obscure, and I don’t even know how to begin analyzing the context.” You picked up his copy of the book and fanned the worn out pages.

“Well, lucky for you this is one of my favorite books! So I can actually help you a lot with your report.” You handed the book back to him with a smile and wink. Jungkook instantly blushed and chuckled while rubbing the back of his neck.

“Thanks in advance, I have a feeling I’ll be needing a lot of your help.” Jungkook’s quick sweep of your body didn’t go unnoticed but nonetheless, you decided to dive into the tutoring session. It was hard to ignore the butterflies in your stomach throughout as you noticed more and more how boyishly handsome he was and what a nice smile he had. The possibility of him being into you made it harder to concentrate and made you blush when you accidentally had skin to skin contact while taking a paper from his hands. Being flustered was extremely unlike you, but you credited your sudden lameness to your year-long lack of sex. Taking a deep breath gave you a moment of clarity and the resolve to finish the session as professionally as possible.

“So…when can I see you again? For tutoring I mean?” Jungkook tried hard to stay as nonchalant as possible but his crooked smile directed downwards as he packed up his belongings gave it away. During the session you realized he didn’t need much help at all and would most likely only need the one day of tutoring. Nonetheless, you decided to take the bait, but not without making him work for it.

“If you feel the need for more tutoring sessions you can schedule an appointment on the school’s website.” With that, you swiftly zipped up your book bag and headed out of the coffee shop.

***

It only took a couple days to receive Jungkook’s request for a follow-up tutoring session set for Thursday of next week. You chuckled in the bright glow of your computer’s screen that shown brightly in your dark room. When you clicked on the notification to expand the details of his request, you noticed the location preference was set to his dorm room. Your light chuckle turned into a breathy laugh. This kid had balls, you had to admit. You kept waiting for his cheekiness to rub you the wrong way sober you up but the more signs he showed of interest the more you were inclined to entertain them. It wasn’t like you to let the other person take charge in your relationship, preferring instead to be completely transparent from the beginning and taking joy in asking the other out. You didn’t care much for games and titles but the one of “dominant” given to you by your freshman year friends was not lost on you. You, instead, chose to embrace it and accept that your ‘take charge’ attitude would turn off undesirable suitors and attract the kind of people you could actually be with. You leaned back in your chair and sipped on your tea before hitting the “accept” button and shutting off your computer.

That night you tried to fall asleep but too many thoughts of your upcoming graduation, approaching due dates for schoolwork and a very cute brunette junior kept you up until dusk. Just when you finally started to drift off to sleep, you felt a soft dip in the bed that instantly woke you.

“Sorry, sorry...” Jennie whispered as she got under the covers. You looked at her incredulously before she responded again, “I couldn’t sleep and your bed is comfy. Also, you left your keys attached to the door again. You should really be more careful (Y/N).” You hummed in agreement, too tired to address her forced entry into your apartment and settling to be big spoon for the night.

The obnoxious sounds of your phone’s alarm awoke both of you with a start. Jennie grumbled and pressed a pillow to her ears. “It is an ungodly hour to be awake! Turn it off!” You immediately grabbed your phone and hopped out of bed to start getting ready for work. “What are you doing?” Jennie rubbed her eyes and squinted at you through the golden morning rays shining through the discombobulated shutters on your bedroom window.

“I have work in an hour. We can’t all be sleeping princesses until noon.” You stuck your tongue out at her before beginning to brush your teeth. Jennie rolled her eyes and went back to bed. She was already long used to your poking fun at her lazy and rich lifestyle, choosing to simply ignore your quips.

You managed to get ready at a record-breaking speed of 20 minutes. As you slipped the last shoe on, you peered at Jennie whose body lay impossibly still under the covers with her shiny black hair spilling out onto your pillow like plant roots. You decided to tip toe over to check if she was already sleeping. You didn’t want to wake her, so you settled for moving her bangs out of her eyes and whispering “I’ll see you after work” before heading out for the day. You could’ve sworn you noticed her blushing but figured it was all in your imagination.

 ***

Working at the boutique wasn’t your favorite thing in the world but the pay was decent. You had started working there your sophomore year after seeing a “help wanted” ad in the window of a small men’s formal suiting shop. You were at the downtown fashion district with your usual group of freshman year friends killing time and decided there wasn’t any harm in filling out an application at the counter. The job had looked easy enough, but after getting hired you soon learned differently. You realized just how difficult it was to take charge of older men in conversations about men’s suiting, and even more so dressing them. It took a lot of guts and studying men’s fashion before you grew into your own at the shop. The effort you started putting into your job along with increasingly difficult classes had you falling out of contact with those same friends. You had to admit that the thought of growing apart from your friends was much less painful than you thought it might be freshman year. Your likes and goals were entirely different by now, but most importantly, you were becoming someone you liked and respected.

That afternoon after leaving Jennie in your bed, you found yourself focusing on steaming the leg on a pair of gray linen pants when suddenly you heard the bell at the top of the entrance ring signaling a customer entering the store. You immediately turned off the steamer and rushed to the counter to greet them only to be dumbstruck at the sight in front of you. Jungkook and an older man entered the store amidst conversation. Your utter confusion rendered you speechless as they looked around the store for help.

“Ah, young lady, do you work here?” The older man addressed you kindly across the store.

You looked between him and Jungkook for a moment before your professionalism kicked in. “Yes! Hi, sorry! I was busy steaming and didn’t see you guys. Welcome to Suits 4 U, how can I assist you guys today?” You kept your eyes trained on the older gentleman but didn’t miss how Jungkook’s mouth hung open the entire time. Did he know you worked there before showing up or was it just a mere coincidence? Either way, the excitement of seeing him unexpectedly before your tutoring session gave you a tiny thrill masked under your polite smile.

“Well, I’m here with my son to get him fitted for his first suit. He has an internship coming up this summer at a finance company and we need him to look his best.” The man chuckled while patting Jungkook’s shoulder. His eyes formed crescent moons while smiling which instantly disarmed you. “Is Raphael here? I’ve been coming to him for years; this shop is just great.”

You laughed and tucked some hair behind your ear. “Thank you so much! He’s not in right now but, I can help you out myself if that’s okay. Your son looks to be about a 32 waist and 34 inseams?” The older man nodded in astonishment and looked towards Jungkook to confirm.

“Uh…yeah that’s exactly right.” Jungkook rubbed his neck in embarrassment.

“Don’t be shy, kook! You let the nice lady fit you for a good suit and I’ll be right here if you need me.” You and the man exchanged smiles before walking around the counter to show Jungkook to the fitting area behind the curtains. You helped him up onto the platform in front of 3 adjacent mirrors before busying yourself looking for a style of suit in his sizes that would flatter him.

Jungkook cleared his throat before speaking, “So…I didn’t know you had two jobs. Must be rough during your senior year.”

Without missing a beat, you responded, “How did you know I was a senior?”

“You mentioned it in your Facebook status.” Jungkook quickly replied with a straight face.

“So, you stalked me?” You laughed incredulously.

“More like researched. You’re a pretty private person so I didn’t find much if that makes you feel better.” Jungkook smiled widely which made you instinctively blush. Too flustered to respond you simply handed him a white button-down shirt. He immediately removed his plain black t-shirt and began buttoning the white one at an incredibly slow pace. You caught his eyes in the center mirror and realized he saw you ogling at his pecks. You immediately turned around as he continued watching you through the mirror with a shit-eating grin.

“Here, put these on.” You handed him a matching black chino suit with a European tailoring finish. Jungkook hadn’t stopped staring at you as he removed his pants and dressed himself. You were determined not to swoon at his gorgeous physique in front of him, choosing instead to jut your hip out and cross your arms while tapping your foot. “You take forever to get dressed.”

“I could use your help.”

“With?”

“Tucking my shirt in, I don’t want to wrinkle it.”

You scoffed and proceeded to gingerly tuck his shirt around his waist. You didn’t miss the way his abs reflexively twitched as your hands got to the front of his pants. He put the blazer on at once then adjusted his cuffs in the mirror. You had to admit that the way the pants tapered in on his ankles and how the blazer did the same around his waist was very flattering. You absent-mindedly brushed lint off his shoulder and brushed out the wrinkles on the arms while admiring your work in the mirror. As your eyes made their way up his frame you caught his cocky ass grin again which only made you roll your eyes. “What now, Jeon? What is so funny to you?”

“Just admit you’re into me.” You froze for a second before responding.

“Excuse me?”

“Oh, you heard me pretty well. I think that you’re into me and the way you act all tough in front of me really turns me on, so I’d like to take you out on a date sometime.”

Before you could reply, Jungkook’s dad appeared from behind the curtains and whistled at the sight of his son in a tailored suit. “Wow, that looks really good. If you’re okay with it Kook I think we’ll take it!”

“I don’t know dad, what do you think (Y/N)? Does this look good on me?” Jungkook bit his bottom lip, looking you in the eyes and daring you to confirm his beliefs. The audacity this guy had to call you out had you at a loss for words for the second time tonight. You settled for nodding and smiling.

You decided to wait behind the counter for Jungkook to undress, making small talk with his dad to pass the time. His love for his son was evident in the way he spoke so highly of him to a mere stranger. The thought warmed your heart. In a matter of 5 minutes, you were waving them both out of the door with Jungkook’s new suit in a garment bag. The remainder of your shift went by painfully slow without the silky haired boy entertaining you. You briefly considered canceling your upcoming tutoring session since it was evident the professionalism between you two was shot after this afternoon. But who were you kidding? There was no way you were going to let him get the better of you, it just wasn’t in you to submit.

 ***

You snapped out of your reverie at the feeling of a piece of popcorn bouncing off your cheek. As you turned your head to look at Jennie, several popcorn pieces fell out of your hair and onto the shaggy white rug you were sitting Indian style on. It was movie night at Jennie’s apartment, but the foreign film wasn’t captivating your interest, not when you had Jeon’s abs on your mind.

“Hey what gives?!” You started to flick pieces of popcorn back at Jennie as you found them in the carpet. She giggled while swatting them away from her face.

“Watching this movie was YOUR idea and you’re not even paying attention! You’ve been all daydreamy lately. Are you going to tell me what’s up or not?” Jennie set her bowl of popcorn aside and crossed her arms, giving you a pointed look. When it comes to Jennie, there is no escape once the interrogation starts. This wouldn’t be the first time you were under fire for withholding information from her. Despite preferring to be a private person, you never minded being completely transparent with Jennie. With time, you came to understand how loyal and trustworthy she was. Being left in the dark was just something that always bothered her, which you could understand. You sighed as you turned away from the television to face her.

“You know that guy I tutored the other day?”

“Yea?”

“I kinda want to fuck him.” Jennie froze for a second as she searched for something in your eyes.

“Okay…um…well, does he reciprocate your feelings?’

“I think he’s made it pretty obvious yeah. I just don’t know though, I’ve never been into younger guys but he’s…really hot.” You laughed as a blush overtook your cheeks. Your admission embarrassed you, even in front of your best friend. Jennie bit her lip as she laid horizontally on the couch staring at the ceiling.

“Do you have a picture of him?”

“Hmm…I can show you his Instagram.” Admitting you already perused his social media made you further embarrassed. “Before you judge me, it’s been a really long time, okay?” You scrolled on his page for a bit before finding a good enough picture of him to show her then reluctantly handed your phone over. After analyzing the selfie of him on his bed, Jennie went back to his page and started looking at other pictures of him: ones of him in his baseball uniform, laughing on a couch with a few of his friends, dancing in a goofy manner to some pop song and the list goes on. After a minute, she rolled her eyes and handed the phone back to you. Her reaction had you quirking an eyebrow as you grabbed it from her hands. “…What?”

“Oh, nothing.” Jennie closed her eyes and intertwined her hands over here stomach, intent on not giving anything away. You lunged at her sides to unleash a flurry of tickles.

“Tell me, wench!” Your consistent tickling had her hollering at the top of her lungs and squirming to escape your grip.

“I’ll never say, peasant!” You decided to straddle her midsection and pin her flailing legs down,  holding her wrists to do the same.

“Jennie Ruby Jane. Tell me, NOW!” Your long brown hair fell over your shoulder and tickled her cheek. She turned her head to the side as a final act of rebellion which only spurred your torturing on further. You began to hock a loogie dramatically which earned a valley of squeals from the pale girl.

“Okay! Okay!” You chuckled at the sign of her defeat and sat back on her hips, letting her wrists go. She sat up on her forearms pouting up at you. “You’re so extra!” the girl shouted with amusement in her eyes. After a moment of silence, she spoke, “I just think he looks like a fuck boy. It’s not going to go anywhere between you guys.” You let out a breathy laugh at her admission.

“No shit, I just want some dick!”

“Then why are you getting blushy and daydreamy if he’s only a dick to you?” She challenged you.

“Ummmm, maybe because it’s been a while and it’s nice to get some male attention during these barren times?” You rolled your eyes and climbed off of her.

“Yeah, whatever (Y/N). Keep telling yourself that.” Jennie returned your eye roll with her own and fully sat up on the couch.

“Are we going to watch this movie or not!? You’re making it hard to focus!” You continued on with your dramatic act but failed as a smiled tugged at your lips.

“OMG, you are unbelievable!” Both of you laughed and resumed your movie, only one of you being content to put that conversation behind.

***

Your Thursday afternoon shift at work dragged on because of how much you were looking forward to the tutoring session with Jungkook set for right after. Your finger drumming on the front counter and persistent glances at the clock earned some questions from the shop owner which you easily shrugged off as some trip you were looking forward to after work. As soon as the clock struck six you grabbed your jean jacket off of the coat rack and caught the shuttle back to campus. The junior dorms were just a stop before the coffee shop stop, so you already knew where you were going. You decided to just wear your work clothes paired with a denim jacket since the tight-fitting black dresses you wore as a work uniform were nice anyway. Just before you arrived at the lobby of the dorms, you caught your reflection in a car window and decided to check how you looked. Nothing unusual stood out. Your long curly hair swung just above your behind and your mascara and eyebrow gel still held on strong, the only two things you allowed on your face since the number of times you rubbed your face during class made it virtually unrealistic to wear a full face of makeup. Because of that, you settled for wearing shorter clothing that would show off your long legs. Feeling sexy in your own skin without putting way too much effort into your image was something you learned was the perfect combination to feeling happy with yourself, which was hard to do as you were generally always the tallest woman in the room. It took a long time to build self-confidence, but you were happy with where you currently were in your life. With a deep breath to calm your excitement, you headed into the lobby where Jungkook was already waiting for you. He looked up from his phone and immediately spotted you entering the building. His eyes lingered on your legs covered in sheer black tights before meeting your eyes with his own dark orbs. You felt butterflies at the instant your gazes locked and held for a few seconds. You decided to breakaway first, looking down with a small smile and waving.

“Hey, Jungkook. You ready to study?” Jungkook simpered as he looked down towards his feet with his hands in his pockets.

“Yeah I am, but it looks like you aren’t. Where’s your book bag and why are you dressed like that?” He gestured towards your subtle cleavage. You crossed your arms and gaped at him, confused as to why he was questioning you instead of complimenting you. Jungkook watched your mouth open and close before he chuckled and began heading towards his room. Luckily his room was on the first floor so there wouldn’t be an awkward elevator ride. As you walked behind him you pressed your cold hands onto your hot blushing cheeks wondering if you misread this whole situation. “Thanks for agreeing to come to the dorms this time. This was the only time I was free to get tutored, but I couldn’t leave the dorms tonight. I hope it didn’t make you uncomfortable.” His words made you all the more confused. Surely he didn’t feel the need to pretend this was anything other than a hookup, especially since he had already gotten you to come without much of a chase? You didn’t understand what he meant until he unlocked the door to his suite and a small child bombarded his legs, clinging on for dear life.

“Kookie! Kookie! You took forever!” Jungkook smiled and patted the child’s head before picking him up so you could enter into the suite.

“I was only gone a few minutes! Anyways, what do you say to a pretty lady?” Jungkook laughed as the small boy buried his head into the crook of his neck with shyness.

“…Hewwo…” You smiled at the child and greeted him back before looking up at Jungkook in utter confusion.

“I’m babysitting for my parents tonight while they celebrate their 20th anniversary. This is my little brother, Sammy. He’s a real good kid and agreed to quietly color in his coloring book while I study, right bud?” The young boy nodded without looking up at him, clearly displeased to have a stranger take his big brother’s attention away. You smiled sweetly at Jungkook to show him everything was okay with you. It was only after he placed his brother on the floor in front of his crayons that crippling embarrassment settled red and hot behind your face and prickled at your scalp. You had misread the situation after all, and even worse, assumed Jungkook was just some fuck boy looking to fake being serious about his studies in order to fuck tutor girls. He wouldn’t have been the first one you ran into, but it was now clear that you shouldn’t have lumped him into the same category. Swallowing your pride and shame, you placed your jacket on the back of his chair and pulled another one up to the desk to start the session. For about an hour, you helped Jungkook finalize his book report and put the finishing touches on his powerpoint presentation about his report. Once you both looked out of the window and saw how late it was getting, you decided to wrap things up. Turning to Sammy who was busy passionately coloring an orange elephant, you smiled and squatted near the page.

“Ready to spend some time with Kookie, Sammy? You looked up at Jungkook and winked, appreciating the way that the nickname coming from you flustered Jungkook. The young boy looked up from his art and nodded.

“Bye-bye! Um…”

“(Y/N), how do you do.” You talked in a funny voice that made Sammy giggle. Standing up and stretching your arms once more, you looked towards Jungkook who held your jacket for you to take. “Thanks. So…good luck with your presentation.” You kicked yourself at the lame way you chose to say goodbye but decided it was best to cut your losses and avoid further embarrassment.

“Thanks, I’ll walk you out.” Both of you headed out into the hallway and walked slowly towards the lobby in silence. After a few long moments, Jungkook finally broke the quiet, “So about that date…. What do you say?” You turned to him in disbelief before looking back down at your shoes. You had thought when he asked you on a date back at the shop that it was his way of getting you into bed. Once again you felt shame for being such a pessimistic pervert.

“I didn’t know you were serious about that.” You admitted.

“Yeah, I figured with the way you showed up to our study session.” Jungkook laughed as he playfully pulled on the hem of your dress so that it slapped your thigh when he let go. You pouted and stared straight ahead, unable to defend yourself. “Don’t get me wrong, I’d have loved to show you a good time tonight, but that’s not really my style. Especially with intellectual women. I want to show you a different kind of good time, at least at first. You turned toward his face in time to catch him biting his bottom lip. It was as if his mouth had a direct connection to your lower abdomen, feeling that magnetic pull between you two that you couldn’t shake. Part of you felt relieved to know it wasn’t all in your head, and the other part of you was determined to redeem yourself.

As you opened the door to the outside, you paused and swung your hair over your shoulder to look at him briefly. “Pick me up this weekend. I want to go see that new DC movie, you can take me to the movies and then we’ll get ice cream. DM me on Instagram so we can agree on a time.” With that, you closed the door behind you and headed towards the shuttle stop, content with yourself for not sneaking a peak behind you. When did you become so lame in front of guys? You idly wondered about the effects that lack of sex could have on the psyche of woman the entire shuttle ride towards your apartment.

***

You woke up to the thin rays of sunlight peering through the drawn blinds of your bedroom window. They illuminated Jennie’s face with a healthy golden glow, showcasing the subtle rhythmic movement of her chest as she slept. You felt a wave of affection at the thought of her being extra careful last night getting into your bed so as not to wake you. You idly wondered why she preferred to share this bed with you when she had a big beautiful canopy bed at her even more beautiful apartment. Then again, you remembered how lonely she must have felt when moving here without friends or family. You cuddled closer to her as the big spoon, wrapping your right arm around her torso and pulling her into your chest. The slight movement woke Jennie for a few seconds before she hugged your arm tightly and went back to sleep, taking you into unconsciousness with her.

You awoke a few hours later, well into the afternoon in the same position you had fallen asleep in only this time, Jennie’s snoring was loud enough to quake the glass of water on your nightstand. Your raspy chuckle was barely audible as you stared at her mouth that hung open while she violently slept. Careful so as not to wake her, you gingerly slid your arm out of her grasp and pulled the covers off of your bodies since the heat was making you a little sweaty. Your eyes bulged while taking in the view south of the bed. Jennie had taken her pants off before climbing into bed and was only sporting a bright red G-string. You forced yourself to look anywhere other than her perfect bottom until your heart stopped beating as fast as it was. What the hell, Jennie? You cursed yourself for giving her a key to your apartment after her initial forced entry. The lack of sex is really getting to you, you thought as you carefully covered her back up and climbed out of bed. Suddenly, you heard the snoring stop and a few light moans coming from the bed.

“Where’d you go?”, Jennie softly called out as she rubbed her eyes.

“In the bathroom!” You reply as best you can while brushing your teeth. Jennie groans then rolls over, pulling the covers on her further.

“Come back…”

“Sorry, I overslept enough as it is. I have some stuff I need to get done before my date tonight!” You replied in a sing-song voice before spitting the foam out of your mouth and rinsing your toothbrush in the sink.

“Your WHAT!?”, Jennie immediately sat up and ripped the covers off of her.

“Yeah, sorry I totally forgot to update you. I didn’t end up fucking that guy. Instead, he asked me out on a date! I’m actually excited to go, I feel like such a freshman.” Your giddy mood seemed to frustrate Jennie even more. She quietly got out of bed, pulled her pants on, grabbed her purse from your nightstand and left your apartment.

“Jennie?!” You called after her but the only thing you got in response was your door slamming loudly. You sucked your teeth and continued washing your face. You didn’t know why she was in such a bad mood. Sure, you didn’t tell her about how things progressed with Jungkook but it wasn’t exactly her business. This is why I haven’t dated any girls on campus recently, girls can be so moody sometimes. You took a deep breath and headed into your room to get changed, determined not to let Jennie’s childishness ruin your day.

***

Your date with Jungkook had been going well so far. He picked you up from your apartment 5 minutes early on foot. You two walked to the shuttle stop in silence since there really wasn’t much to talk about. You two had only just met and didn’t know much about each other or shared any experiences yet. You hated first dates for this reason, preferring instead to just hook up without the need to feign a relationship or only date someone you’re already friends with. You had gotten good at small talk since working at the suit shop had you conversing with all kinds of people regularly. But it still wasn’t thrilling nor any less awkward. Once you both had exhausted all the commonplace questions like “How was your day” and “What’s your favorite color”, you both sat on the shuttle on the way to the campus’ cinema in silence. Why had you agreed to this? You were really off your game at this point in time. You looked over at Jungkook and noticed him staring off into the distance looking quite alarmed. His pensive face made you giggle which snapped him out of his reverie.

“What?” He looked at you with a half-smile confused.

“Your face…you looked so…shook!” You let out in between laughs. His cheeks became tinted pink with an exasperated gasp.

“Not you too! My teammates make fun of me for it all the time! Ugh!” Jungkook complained with exaggerated exclamation. His eyes sparkled with amusement as he began tickling your sides for not taking him seriously. The guffaw that followed was obnoxious enough to catch the attention of surrounding students riding the shuttle. It was at that moment that Jungkook realized how ticklish you were, to his elation and your immediate embarrassment. You both settled into your seats immediately after meeting the eyes of annoyed riders but couldn’t contain your giggles and light shoving for the rest of the ride. Eventually, after sufficient physical contact, you two ended up walking off of the shuttle holding hands.

***

Jungkook’s lips ravaged your neck as you struggled to open the door to your apartment, fumbling your key on the lock. You eventually did open it and the door slammed backward into the adjacent wall as Jungkook reached your lips and leaned into you, holding you by the hips. Your hunger to taste him had been contagious as you had taken the opportunity that the light ‘goodnight’ peck he gave you on the lips in front of your apartment presented to start a make-out session. There was no way you would let it end that way after wanting him the entire date. He had been a perfect gentleman, waiting in line to get you a bunch of snacks at the concession stand while you held your seats, draping his jacket over your shoulders once the chill of the night set in, and bringing you all the way to your apartment even though it was past the junior dorms. And now, as he tugged on your bottom lip with his teeth while his hands held both sides of your face in the middle of your apartment, you were absolutely sure you wanted to go all the way with Jeon Jungkook. You slowly lead Jungkook to your bedroom without detaching your lips. Once his legs made contact with your bed you pushed him back onto it and climbed on top of him. You began kissing down his neck as your arms made a cage around his head. With his eyes closed and sporting a cocky smile, “Woah there (Y/N), aren’t we taking things a bit too fast?” A throaty chuckle escaped his lips as you reached his Adam's apple.

“Shut up, Jeon.” You moved back up to his lips and stuck your tongue into his mouth which he welcomed, swirling his tongue around yours in equal fervor. His fingers slid up into your hair and tightened their grip on your strands, pulling lightly but firmly so that your head moved backward, giving him access to your neck. As he sucked on your neck, you could feel a bulge forming in his pants. You decided to rub your clothed mound on his growing bulge while he kissed behind your ear.

“Don’t do that.” Jungkook let out a breathy whisper into your ear which made tingles run down your spine and had you heavily convulsing. You decided to rub even harder down onto his clothed member which was now rock hard. However, you couldn’t keep it up for too long as Jungkook was suddenly on top of you in one swift motion.

“You don’t like to listen, do you?” He stared at your lips as he interlocked your fingers together, holding your hands above your head on the bed.

“Not really, no” Your breathy reply brought back that crooked smile you were starting to love so much. In response, Jungkook lowered himself onto you and began rubbing the head of his bulge right around where your clit would be under your pants. You couldn’t help but writhe under him, struggling against his ironclad grip on your hands.

“You’ll get this…”, Jungkook bucked his hips roughly onto your mound, “…when I say you can.” You took his attempt to dominate you as a challenge, wrapping your legs around his waist to bring his member back onto you while biting your lip. Jungkook’s eyes rolled backward in brief pleasure before attacking your lips again with renewed passion. After a while, you were both breathless with puffy lips. Jungkook cleared his throat and moved back to look into your eyes. You both let out laughs as your chests heaved in unison. Jungkook looked down at your swollen lips and ran his thumbs across them before rolling over and climbing off of you. “I should go.” Too stunned to say anything, you watched him straighten his clothing and wipe his mouth.

“Ummm…did I do something wrong?” You asked as you sat up to look at him properly. Jungkook smiled and walked back over to the bed, bending over to place a brief kiss on your pink lips.

“Of course not, just practicing a little restraint. I want to do things right.” He smiled with crescent moon eyes before turning and exiting your apartment.

Do things, right?

You let out an exasperated sigh and sagged back onto the bed with one arm covering your eyes in frustration. Suddenly you heard something shift in your room which made you sit back up in alarm.

“Jungkook?” You searched your room for the source of the noise before your eyes locked with another pair of eyes peering through the slits of your closet door. You froze in utter fear as you realized someone was in your closet. Suddenly, the door opened and you screamed, chucking a pillow at the intruder because it was the closest thing to you. Jennie caught the pillow and held it to her chest, watching you warily.

“Hey (Y/N)…”

“Jennie!?”

“I can explain.”

“YOU PERVERT!!!!!!”

[lvminae]

SwSh Opinions

Actually fuck it I'll make an in depth post on swsh since I'm sick and it is 2:30 am and I can't sleep.

Keep in mind that these are my opinions and I’m not out here to argue with anyone, I just want to share what I think. And there is a lot. Since I wrote this in the middle of the night and edited the next day, I probably forgot some things, but it is long enough as is.

I don’t think I actually went into anything spoiler like.

Things I like

- Characters: I adore the variety in the characters and a lot of them are loveable. Some stick out as ones I don't particularly like, and some are silly, but that variety is good and it isn't so common that it becomes irritating.

And I have reasons to care about characters I initially disliked (like Bede; his development is JUST enough for me to not hate him). Some I still don't care about, and some characters deserve more development, but it isn't bad to the point where I am not happy with it (and I will address this more later).

- Pokemon (Variety): I'll talk about pokemon later on the neutral list, but I do really appreciate just how varied and even wild the pokemon are. Design wise, anyways - I don't know jack about competitive stats and don't care.

- Wild Area: The wild area has the silly mechanic of sudden weather changes depending on the areas, and the pokemon who pop up can be repetitive when you are dex filling. But other than that, I LOVE it. It is huge, and immersive, and I much prefer running around there than on routes.

And the pokemon popping up and approaching? Amazing. Can be annoying sometimes when pokemon you don't care about chase you (looking at Tyrouge and Electrike seriously Leave Me Alone), and hunting water types that hop around is frustrating (but makes sense), but it's still a wonderful addition.

- Exp. Share: I know a lot of people are pissed off it can't be turned off, but as someone who cannot get into old games because of not having it/how long it takes to get it, I appreciate it.

Some people think it makes it too easy, but now that you can box pokemon at p much anytime, you can (mostly) avoid the effect by boxing pokemon. I say mostly cause not all situations work with it, but I don't think it is common enough to say it is bad.

- Improvements of life: To add to my point above, I enjoy things that makes the games easier. I'm not a hardcore gamer. I want to have fun and actually be able to reasonably beat a game. Difficult games aren't bad, but these are for all ages. And it is easier to make things difficult than it is to make them easier if they were made difficult, yknow?

Things like showing the effectiveness of moves is one of those things- which I am glad they kept from SuMo- because I have memory problems. Lots of fans do, or are young, or just can't remember Every Single Type Matchup. I prefer having that than having to google type advantages constantly so I don't get a 1 hit ko on either my pokemon or a pokemon I want to catch.

It isn't quite as hand holdy as SuMo was (love ya rotomdex, but pls give me a break), but it is accessible to a range of players. That is how it feels to me, anyways.

- Side quests: Having little quests that give incentive to explore the region and just give a little spice of life to the region. And they aren't super confusing to do.

- General aesthetic: I love how the region looks. It hits so many aesthetic points for me. It is a pretty game with pretty locations, and the graphics are far better than anything I would have expected for pokemon.

Seriously, I've seen people comparing it to BotW and.... That is not the style Pokemon i or ever has been going for. It's an unfair comparison. Also BotW graphics are :/ in my opinion. Beautiful locations, but I don't like how people look. Pokemon? It looks nice, all fit together well. Feels like POKEMON. Not like other games that people compare it to.

There are some graphics that need fixing, like the berry trees and the whole mess they are when you shake them. But it isn't nearly as bad as people pre release were saying. And the battle locations are fine too. Seriously pre release thoughts were a mess.

- Performance: It runs well. I haven't had issues. Frame rate is fine, very rare drops, graphics work fine. I've only had a crash once, and that's because I was chaining max raids and the vibration was too intense for my machine. I took a break, turned vibration off, and everything was fine.

Note: I know that there have been some issues with glitches and stuff, and those are an issue. I haven't experienced any myself so I can't complain. And I'm not any sort of expert.

- Regional variants: I love regional variants in general. It is just So Good. And there are more than just gen 1 variants in these games! Thank god! Obviously many are still gen 1 but they aren't Exclusively gen 1.

I'll talk about that pandering later.

- Gyms: I love how the gyms works. I love the entry trials. I love the feel of the gyms and the competition, and the cheering and the music!!! It is just a great time!

- Character customization: Not quite as extensive as I was anticipating, but still super expansive and I love it.

Things I am neutral on

- Post game: It isn't that bad, but it isn't super interesting either. And I hate the sword based dude. His hair looks like a dick. Yes this is a genuine complaint. Both his and his brother's designs are... silly, and kinda uncreative, and I don't like it.

But they do pose a challenge, and it gives an interesting look at lore and the concept of people believing their assumed ancestry gives them certain rights and just how far these people will go.

- Pokemon: I think we have a good amount of new pokemon, but overall I am... eh on the designs of some. In my experience, regions have either a good amount of good looking pokemon, or a good amount of bad looking/boring pokemon. Obviously this is purely subjective, but this region has me drawn down the middle. I have pokemon I adore and are new favorites, but also quite a few where I just.... Don't like them at all. I've never been this split on them, so while I appreciate their variety like I noted above, I don't necessarily like all of them (especially the fossils. Their story makes sense, yes, but I can't fucking stand them.)

- Dynamax/Gigantamax: I get it's ties into the story, and I love that tie. And it is the gimmick of this region, which I absolutely am ok with. But in use... yeah, having a large pokemon is fun! But I don't really... Care about it? And I only use it in gym battles where I know the leader is gonna Gigantamax (even though generally I didn't need to), or max raids.

I like it more than Z moves, but it does make me miss Mega Evolution. At least it gives people something fun to design. And some of the gifantamax designs are great (and some are.... Basically dynamax. Pikachu and Eevee especially.) The raid make for good leveling though so I do like that.

- Story: I like pokemon for the stories. I actually don't like the style of the games gameplay wise. Pokemon I can handle and enjoy because it is simple compared to other games in the genre, at least enough so where I can be pretty clueless but still have fun and drive to play/grind somewhat. Bur ultimately for me, I enjoy pokemon for the story and characters.

Story... is lacking in this game. I love what we get! It is super interesting! But it is so much on the back burner compared to other games in order to focus on the gyms that it feels... I dunno. I miss a larger, more involved story. The focus on specific characters like Hop do still give me something to focus on, at least.

But the story could have been improved overall had it not been shoved to the side so much. A different, less involved story could have worked better, or something that involved the league and gym leaders more since the gyms were the focus.

Or find a way to involve the player more! It really comes down to the goal of the game, which was the improvements for competitive play. As a non competitive player, this isn't anything I care about or want. But some do, and with that being the focus, I understand the story being a bit lackluster compared to previous games.

Doesn't mean I have to like it, though :P

- Dexit: I don't... care about dexit. Having to play only with the pokemon from the gen isn't bad, and you can still use some. Yeah, a lot of pokemon I like are missing, but that gave me incentive to use pokemon from this gen. I think people making a huge fit over it also made me just Not Care. I'll miss my old pokemon, but maybe I cam actually complete the dex for this gen.

Things I dislike

- The trading system/y link: The fact you have to have nintendo online for this is awful. It is alienating to all those players who can't afford the subscription. All you should need is an internet connection just like the other games. It's a cash grab and I hate it.

The trading system is also irritating to use in general. I know the gts was not the best, but being able to search was nice. And one on one trading was so much easier. Using these codes is problematic because people you don't know can use the same code and you might not know! It fucks up trades! It sucks. It just sucks.

- Gen 1 pandering: Leon's key pokemon is a Charizard. Charizard got a gigantamax pokemon. Most gigantamax not from Galar are gen 1. Most regional variants are gen 1. I Do Not Fucking Care About Gen 1. Meowth has both an alolan AND galarian form AND gigantamax! It's annoying! Give the other regions some light. Please. I am so, so fucking tired of pandering to gen 1. The pandering makes me hate the gen, not want to go back to it.

- Version exclusive gym leaders: This one doesn't irritate me like the other things, I just think it is dumb. Especially since they didn't change the towns to make sense for the exclusive leaders.

- Cost: I am not made of money and I really do believe it should have been the normal $40. But it is a main series game with a lot and switch games seem to generally run at that $60 mark - main ones anyways - so I'm not surprised. Just disappointed.

[envydeanwrites]

Appreciation

Pairing: Destiel Rating: Teen & Up Tags: High School AU, Light Angst, Fluff, sharing food, hand holding, First Kiss, Poor!Castiel Word Count: 3,002 Summary: Over in the corner is Castiel Novak. He’s not been at the school long but today he’s all alone; just last week, Dean was sure he saw him hanging out with Samandriel and Andy but today they’re nowhere to be seen. That is until he looks elsewhere and find them laughing at each other on a different table. Dean frowns. The guy doesn’t have his bag on him or any food in front of him. It’s far too early in their lunch break for him to have finished already.

Read on AO3 | Written for @deancaswc​ | envydean vs. @levicastho​ vs. @lemonsorbae​ for the prompt: High School AU. Also written for the @spnfluffbingo​ for the square: Hand Holding

Dean’s been stuck in a strange daze all day at school. He went to bed late talking to his friends online and then woke up far too early from a nightmare that wouldn’t let him fall asleep again. He sighs as he sits down at the table with the rest of his friends and picks up his burger.

“Dean?”

Dean looks up to see Charlie with a grin on her face, she was obviously talking while he’d been tuned out. He raises his brow at her in question, chewing on his lunch.

“I said, have you seen the newest Game of Thrones episode?”

Dean shakes his head. He hasn’t had a lot of time for anything between doing his mountain of homework that he left until the last minute and helping his brother out with his homework—even though Dean’s pretty sure he doesn’t need the help—he just hasn’t had time to indulge in fun things.

“Can I talk to you about it still?”

Before Dean can answer though, their whole group of friends stop talking and all turn to Charlie with glares. Dean smirks, apparently he’s not the only one who hasn’t seen it and it seems and none of them want it spoilt.

“Tell me about the LARP I missed last weekend,” Dean suggests and then let’s her go like a spinning top, talking to him about how she needed her handmaiden when a raucous was caused after a gruelling but diplomatic debate. She begins to answer with wild gestures and demonstrations about how a fight went down and as she does Dean’s attention drifts elsewhere. He doesn’t mean to, he just can’t seem to concentrate on one thing today. His classes that morning had been a disaster and he knows tomorrow he’ll have to ask for the notes he missed out on. His stomach had rumbled all morning and when lunch finally came around he got himself two portions instead if one to quell his hunger. Dean munches on his first burger, a half ear listening to Charlie but his attention runs around the food hall. People are loud and with his tiredness and lack of concentration, it grinds on Dean and he almost regrets asking Charlie about LARPing.

Over in the corner is Castiel Novak. He’s not been at the school long but today he’s all alone; just last week, Dean was sure he saw him hanging out with Samandriel and Andy but today they’re nowhere to be seen. That is until he looks elsewhere and find them laughing at each other on a different table.

Dean frowns. The guy doesn’t have his bag on him or any food in front of him. It’s far too early in their lunch break for him to have finished already.

“Dean? Are you even listening to me today?” Charlie berates lightly and Aaron elbows him.

“Uh, sorry. I’ll be back—” Dean stands up, taking his tray with him, ignoring the confused shouts after him as he swerves through the tables and towards the dark-haired kid.

“Hey,” he announces and he sits down. Castiel startles and looks like he’s about to run away like Dean’s going to hit him. Dean lowers his voice, “You look like you need a friend,” he says and Castiel sighs. When he looks him straight in his eyes he notices just how blue Castiel’s eyes are.

“I’m okay,”

“Everyone needs a friend.” Dean states, he glances over his shoulder to see Castiel’s two previous friends still engrossed in conversation. “Don’t you think?” Dean gives Castiel a warm smile when he turns back to him but Castiel has his head ducked, fiddling with the sleeve of his burgundy hoodie.

“I guess.”

“I’m guessing you also need some food.” Dean pushes his tray towards Castiel. Sure, it’s his leftovers but he took two burgers and twice as many fries in the first place, and this guy seriously needs some food in him.

“Oh, no. I can’t take your food.” He rejects, pushing Dean’s tray back at him.

“Look. I’ve already eaten enough, and I’m pretty sure you didn’t have lunch yesterday or the day before. Did you?”

Castiel pales a little, and Dean’s knows he’s hit a nerve. “Dean.” At least Castiel knows his name.

“Did you?” He presses and pushes the tray between them.

There’s a strange silence between them even though the rest of the food hall is loud and boisterous, full of people complaining about their teachers and homework, and chatting with friends they haven’t seen all day. Then Castiel shakes his head but he doesn’t look at Dean.

Slowly, Dean pushes his tray to Castiel and the boy picks up a fry. Dean watches him eat for a few moments, watching him as he nibbles slowly at Dean’s food. He doesn’t touch the burger.

“You can have the burger too, and I’ll split the pudding cup with you,” Castiel looks up at him with a small smile and Dean winks at him with a grin.

With some hesitation and a look from Castiel to make sure Dean was being truthful, Castiel picks up the burger and takes a huge bite.

Swallowing it down, Castiel smiles a little more. “These make me very happy,” He comments quietly. “Thank you, Dean.”

“Anytime, I mean it.” Dean tells him sincerely. “Tomorrow, you wanna sit with us?” Dean jerks his head over to where his friends are sat.

“I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

“You won’t be intruding. Promise. The more the merrier.” Dean grins at him.

He sits with Castiel for the rest of the lunch break, and they chat amicably.

*

The next day, Dean spots Castiel sat on his own again, and makes sure to pick up some extra food for him. The lady he hands his money too gives him a pointed look but he ignores her. Before he heads to the table, Dean taps on Castiel’s shoulder.

“Hey, c’mon,” Dean smiles and Castiel looks up.

“Dean—”

“I’ll introduce you to everyone. Have you seen Game of Thrones?”

Castiel looks at him, sheepish, before nodding slowly.

“Perfect. They’ll like you even more,” Dean nudges Castiel into moving and they both head towards the group of friends.

“Hey, Dean. Oh, hey, new person!”

“Everyone, this is Cas. He’s awesome and he likes Game of Thrones.” Castiel waves a little. Dean sits down, dropping the tray with a clatter on the Formica table top. He points to the space opposite and Castiel dutifully sits down. Dean passes him the sandwich of the day, a juice bottle and a pudding cup with a smile and Castiel flushes.

“How sweet, Dean got you lunch,”

“Shut up, Jo,” He grumbles. He doesn’t need Jo’s teasing, he’s doing a good deed and buying a friend food. It’s not like he wouldn’t do it for the rest of them.

“Thank you, Dean. I really appreciate it.” Castiel tucks in with a whole lot more fervour than the day before. Charlie glomps him about where he’s at with Game of Thrones and buzzes for the rest of the lunch when she finds he’s three seasons behind.

Dean just smiles. He’s glad he can bring him into this group. Castiel’s gonna fit in like a brick in a wall. He doesn’t miss the little smiles Castiel gives him (and only him).

*

Castiel is walking home a few weeks later when Dean drives past him. He pulls over to the side of the road and waves to him and Castiel lights up.

“Hey, you free this evening?”

Castiel thinks for a moment before nodding. “Awesome, throw your rucksack in the trunk and we’ll go somewhere.”

Dean winces as he hears the trunk shut indelicately and then the passenger door opens. Castiel climbs in and turns to Dean. “Where are we going?”

Dean shrugs. He hadn’t even thought that far. “Open road, who knows where we’ll end up.” Dean throws a wink to Castiel’s direction and watches as Castiel’s cheeks colour.

After a while, Castiel leans over to turn down the music. Dean’s automatic reaction, normally, is to bat the hand away from his precious music selection but this time he doesn’t. “Dean?”

“What’s up, Cas?”

“Where are we going?”

Dean spots the sign for Clinton Lake and smiles. Overlook Park is beautiful this time of year and for some reason, he decides Castiel needs to go there with him.

“You’ll see. We’re nearly there.”

 When Dean pulls up to the parking lot of Overlook Park, Castiel still looks sceptical. The place may be known for its middle of the night make out sessions for the college kids but it’s not why they’re here at all.

“Don’t give me that look, Cas! Let’s go, there’s a real nice spot we can watch the sunset.”

Castiel gives him a gentle smile and follows him out of the car.

The walk down to the lake front is along a wooded area. They can hear the birds and the crickets in the trees as the evening draws in. It’s not quite sunset yet, but the sky blooms in a brilliant purple, with orange streaking the clouds. Dean slows so that he’s walking beside Castiel and watches as the other boy gazes upwards with a small smile.

Eventually they break out of the trees and onto a more open area, Castiel stumbles over a rock and Dean reaches out for him to stop him from hitting the ground. Dean blushes as their hands make contact but doesn’t let go until Castiel is upright and steady. Castiel doesn’t seem to want to let go either. There’s a stilted silence between them as they make their way across thee grass. The edge of the lake is rocky round this part and there one rock big enough for the both of them to perch on.

Letting each other’s hands go, Dean balls his into a fist, not wanting to let go of the sensation he had from Castiel’s hand being in his own. It was different, a foreign feeling to have another boy’s hand in his. Dean’s always known that he’s not straight, but he’s never acted upon the male gender before, it seems he’s slightly more picky when it comes to guys, but Castiel—with his warm heart and small smiles, brilliant blue eyes and dark mop of hair, his quiet intelligence and the way he’s so compassionate and grateful—fits the bill perfectly.

They sit shoulder-to-shoulder as the sun sets in front of them, dazzling the lake’s surface in an amass of colour, like a painting. Dean has seen this view a few times but it’s always been on his own and usually after a disagreement with his dad. Sam’s been here too, once, after they both got into an argument with each other, it had been a nice way to reconcile.

Now though, with Castiel at his side, someone he’d come across by sheer chance, it feels a whole lot more special.

“Hey, Cas?” Dean’s tentative as he breaks the silence but Castiel hums and turns his eyes away from the view. “Is everything okay? At home, I mean,” He asks. It’s something he’s been meaning to ask him ever since the second day Cas came into school without food. Since then, Cas has had food on him only a handful of times and it started to nag at Dean that something was amiss. Dean doesn’t mind buying his friend food when he needs it, he always has enough on him for two meals anyway, but it’s just concerning.

“Some days it’s okay.” Castiel answers back simply. “Mom doesn’t work much,” He shrugs lightly. “She’s not well so it’s hard for her to do much. She tries though. I had a job before and that was better but then we got evicted and moved here. I drove all the way from Illinois, and I’d only driven a car once.”

Dean listens carefully, and finds that he keeps his arm pressed against Castiel’s, whether it’s comfort for Castiel or himself, Dean’s not sure but either way he’s not moving. Castiel’s face has a strange haze over it like he’s reciting the words and without even thinking about it, Dean takes Castiel’s fingers in his own.

“I give my lunch to my younger brother most days. He needs it more than I do.”

“You know, if you and your brother—your mom too—need somewhere to eat, you’re welcome round ours. Dad’s not around much with his job but even if he were I’m sure he’d let you in and feed you. And I’ll always give you food at lunch.”

“I can’t keep asking that of you, Dean.” Castiel says, fingers squeezing against Dean’s.

“It’s three dollars, and three dollars of food I shouldn’t be eating,” Dean pokes his stomach with a chuckle and Castiel laughs too.

“You’re fine, just the way you are.”

The sky has changed dramatically over the course of their conversation, from its orange and red to deep purple and an eerie green hue over the city in the distance. Dean’s stomach bubbles with butterflies, he’d intended to come out here and ask Castiel on a date but it no longer feels like the right time to ask him that. A kiss though, Dean feels like that could be something he can give Castiel this evening.

Castiel’s face is solemn, but Dean knows he’s just thinking hard.

“Cas?” He asks tentatively.

“Yes?”

“Can I kiss you?” Dean’s heart hammers in his chest and it’s so loud he thinks Castiel can probably hear it. Castiel pauses, stock still from the question but he quickly relaxes and smiles. Dean waits for a confirmation but Castiel leans in and presses a light kiss to Dean’s cheek. Dean flushes all over and it feels like all the butterflies in his stomach have exploded. Warmth settles over him despite the evening air getting cooler.

Dean wants to say something but he’s not convinced he’ll be able to get actual words out in a coherent sentence so instead, he turns his head to Castiel and kisses him, right on the lips, smiling as he does so.

Kissing guys isn’t really any different to kissing girls yet, it feels completely new. Dean thinks it’s just because it’s Castiel. He’s different, quirky and handsome. They lace their hands together and watch as the sun dips below the city in the distance, shrouding them both in darkness. The moon peeks above the trees behind them, and the sky glistens with purple. It’s a beautiful evening with a beautiful person and wonderful friend.

“Thank you, Dean.” Castiel says, voice quiet.

“What for?” He asks, a little confused.

“For being a good person, I feel like you don’t get enough credit for what you do. And thank you for bringing me here tonight—it was special.”

Now it’s dark and the sun has set, there’s no need to be here anymore and they can begin the drive back home. They hop off the rock and Dean rubs the feeling back into his ass where he’s been sat on the cold surface. Castiel laughs but does the same, not caring for his own modesty. The trip back to the car is made with their hands entwined and they don’t let go as Dean drives Castiel home.

Dean drops him off at the entrance to the trailer park, as Castiel requested, and leaves the engine running as Castiel unbuckles himself.

“Are you out at school?”

The question plucks out of nowhere and it’s not something Dean had thought about.

“Mostly,” Dean shrugs. “I ain’t gonna complain if you wanna hold my hand at school, Cas. As long as you’re happy with it.”

“I’d like that very much.” Castiel graces Dean with a very handsome smile and Dean grins back. Castiel slides back across the bench seat, even though he was already half way out the car, and presses one last kiss to Dean’s cheek.

*

Dean’s anxious the whole drive to school the next day. It’s not because he’s scared of being seen with Castiel, it’s more just being with Castiel in the first place. He knows kissing Castiel was the best decision he’s ever made, but that doesn’t stop the nerves from eating at him.

They don’t have homeroom together or any classes together until after lunch, so sitting down with his friends will be the first time he sees Castiel. After a while, Dean decides that part of why he’s so jittery  is excitement and that makes him smile.

Lunchtime takes forever and a day to come around but eventually the bell rings. Dean throws his books into his rucksack and is out the door before the teacher can even finish her sentence about the essay that’s due next week.

He spots Cas down the hallway and makes to catch up with him before they get to the food hall. He grabs Castiel’s hand and the boy startles but smiles as soon as he sees that it’s Dean.

“Hello, Dean,”

“Hey, Cas.”

They walk hand in hand into the food hall and they both queue up at the canteen. Dean presses three dollars into Castiel���s palm and lets him choose what he wants to eat for once. In the end, they both go for the spicy burger. Dean tops his with too much ketchup while Cas doesn’t sauce his at all.

“What? Ketchup is a vegetable. Probably.”

“If you say so,” Castiel sighs.

They sit next to each other, their other friends making room for them as they have been over the past few weeks. Charlie gives Dean a smirk but doesn’t say anything. Dean smiles; she knows. They’re not hiding it, but they’re not bothered about shouting it out to the masses. As they finish their food and sit chatting with their group, yet again about Game of Thrones (which again Charlie is ahead of everyone and they all work to keep spoilers from the table), Dean and Castiel link their fingers, resting their hands between their thighs, pressed together.

TAG LIST:

@mogaruke @morningstarcas @disciples @solveiglyn @vine-colored-assbutt @majesticjiminie​ @radioactivedean​ @wanderingcas​ @wierdsassymess​ @hijabiprincess8 @amirosebooks​ @kuro-sange-fille​ @alwaysele @deancasholdhands​ @bloodmoonmermaid @deanbiaced​ @freckledean​ @breathingdestiel @whyjm​ @lovelybenny​ @lafitte​ @destielonfire​ @blissfulcastiel​ @deductions-in-time-and-space​ @punkascas​ @diestiel​ @beekeeper-cas @crazyplemmi @superporp17 @destielisgonnabecanon​ @asteriacas  @krcstar @natmoose​ @deadlyangelkay​ @destieldrabblesdaily​ @trenchcoatedangel-in-221b @secretlove-himitsu-ai​ @pherryt​ @deanissmitten​ @deanwinchcester​ @unafraidcas​ @toomanyfandomstowritehere @hello-vague-stuff​ @iclosemyeyesandbelieve​ @iamnotthrowingawayofficerhaught​ @blackblueblood​ @deans-sunshinearmy​ - @weepingsociopathdemon​ @hereissomeapplejuice @dontlosethemoon​ @spnhell​ @runtosleepdreamer​ @but-for-the-gods-three-days @ravenscat-tumbler​ @destielloversblog​ @cutthelineup​

[h-e-ll-p]

          For this reflection paper, I will be mostly commenting on the "How social media makes us unsocial" video, as that was the video that struck a chord with me the most. Before I do, I would first like to make it clear that I, a person that has grown up in this era myself, am conscious and aware about the very worrying and very present drawbacks that social media has brought upon our society. This is why I do not find much fault in the other video, as it tries to give the other sides of things, a benefit of the doubt at the least. What bothers the most about the woman is how she attempts to relay these problems. I would also like to add that the paragraph limit is far too small for me to properly get into a lot of points that I would like to make, and the lack of space for nuance may lead to me repeating the exact things about the video that are causing my frustrations. 

          The whole video is just riddled left and right with fallacies. There are hasty generalizations thrown everywhere. Saying that people can’t go an hour without their phones despite the average person - in 2014, so data available when this video was released- spending a meager two hours and 42 minutes a day on their phones . She includes this strawman about being expected to know about the state of a person based on their Facebook post is somehow a huge point of conflict in her life. There’s this bit where she complains about her mother asking her to text her the information so she could remember it better after which she turns around and complains that she feels dread whenever she hears the cellphone ring is contradictory at best and confusing at worst. People don’t have the time to drive by or write a letter every time they need to ask you something.  Adding to this, it seems that, in a good chunk of the video, she’s the one that doesn’t want to communicate with people. That little passive aggressive hypothetical call with Tiffany being a great indicator of her personality. How people can’t take a vacation in peace because they have to answer work emails as if the inability of companies and workers to set and respect boundaries is somehow the accessibility’s fault. She also thinks that abbreviations such as ‘lol’, ‘omg’ and ‘wtf’ somehow depreciates language. To quote; "So when we abbreviate our vocabulary what we risk is losing the nuances, subtleties and intimate parts of our personalities that make up our very rich American Vocabulary.". First of all, social networks don’t only involve Americans, and though this was a speech made by Americans, for Americans, by 2014 the internet was so saturated that the blend of different races has already been established enough that regardless of how innocuous this throwaway line was, it nevertheless was a distasteful thing to say. Second of all, shortened words are a part of language. Auxiliary verbs, abbreviations, and acronyms have always been around. She even uses it in her speech. Third and lastly, calling a clear evolution in language ‘risking losing the nuances, subtleties and intimate parts of our personalities’ is an unusual slippery slope that borders on fear mongering. Later on, she mentions in her video about how we’re so addicted and/or reliant -she doesn’t really specify which is which- on our phones that we turn our cars back around just to get our cellphones whenever we forget them. See, the thing about this is the reason why we need our phones is because of convenience. In our phones are our calculators, our dictionaries, our notes, our schedules, our wallets, and many more. Having the ability to have all of those features without actually bringing all of them and not using it is you’re prerogative. If her argument is that she doesn’t like how it’s so convenient and therefore ‘addicting’ to her then that’s her problem. Let her bring a whole carload of stuff when she goes out. Speaking of convenience, she also criticizes the frailness of phones these days. With her story of going to a store and slamming her blackberry on the ground and being all smug about how didn’t break and how people can’t find that kind of sturdiness nowadays. But the thing is, she most definitely can get a phone like that these days. She’s just in the wrong store. She also has to give up the amenities of the new generation of phones but by the way she talks about them I doubt she uses them that much. The speaker has really weird ideas about human behavior too. Blaming human being’s natural tendency to be vain on selfies and the facade they can portray online. As if people haven’t paid good money for portraits of themselves for centuries. As if people aren’t pretentious and putting up faces in real life, casting away the people they love because their actions ‘taint’ the family image. Human behavior hasn’t changed at all, the only difference is the way they can express it. While I do admit that she alludes to good points, such as distracted driving being one of the leading causes for car crashes (which, by the way, was not in fact the leading cause of vehicular accidents or vehicular deaths during the time like she claimed. The leading cause was speeding ), they get completely overwhelmed by her other opinions. Refusing to put in any helpful or insightful ideas in favor of pandering to the obvious majority of her current audience. The most ironic part about this video is that it tries to convince people that social media is bad by using social media as the mean to spread it. Just gives of the same vibes as Plato and Socrates being against writing things down and fighting against it by writing papers against it. Following this, the whole thing feels like a poorly written informative skit of some sorts, exacerbated by the video that she made us watch in the first half, which obviously tries to depict a society that puts a little too much value in their internet – which, just like what I said before, even though it is correct and something that I’ve personally seen myself in real life, is another point of contention for me because of the dramatics of it. Overall, I prefer the other video that was shown, as it gives an unbiased and constructive narrative despite also being mixed in with humor, something that "How social media makes us unsocial" tried and failed to do. Maybe she wasn’t serious. Maybe she was just taking the uncertainty about the changing of times and spinning it into a satire. But it’s infuriating to see someone with a big platform fearmonger like that. I won’t get into the TEDTalk formula of content, but the script, though well written, is poorly researched, sanctimonious and all in all just aggrieving to the people on the other side of the spectrum. She says that “I think we would all live life better if we had hands to hold rather than keys to click.” Yet she condemns the very medium that allows us to stay connected to people who we may have lost, or may not have even found, without it.

[a-woman-apart]

Effexor Withdrawal (My Experience)

A/N: As I previously stated, this post contains information about medicine, medicine dosages, and side effects. Discuss all your concerns with your primary care physician or psych doctor before you make any changes. Do not discontinue any medication without first consulting with your health care provider.

Trigger warning: Briefly mentioned vomiting

Oh, so you thought the story was over?

It wasn’t.

In one of my previous posts, Advocating for Myself as a Patient, I briefly detailed that abdominal cramping and gastrointestinal symptoms, along with a “tingling” in my head and other parts of my body had accompanied some of my medication changes. I thought that a little rest and taking the probiotics might solve the problem. I also had nausea, and psychiatrist #3 had said that the Hydroxyzine would help with the nausea.

It did, mildly, but my symptoms continued to get worse and be overwhelming. After doing a little digging, I discovered that my cornucopia of symptoms (nausea, diarrhea/loose stools, abdominal pain, sweating, chills, shaking, nervousness, dizziness, weakness, confusion, and paresthesia/tingling) could be attributed to the discontinuation of Effexor/Venlafaxine.

I was on Venlafaxine ER (Extended release) and was still on the starting dose of 37.5 mg. When I asked psychiatrist #3 if it was okay to eliminate that without tapering, she hand-waved it. “Oh yes, it’s just a small dose.” To be fair, though, there is no smaller dose of Venlafaxine ER to help patients with tapering, and you better believe that patients have complained to the drug companies who make it.

Anyway, I continued to be violently sick. It may sound strange, but the paresthesia, and “brain zaps” were one of the most distressing symptoms, and what sought me to do online research in the first place. Sufferers have begun referring to the tingling sensation in the head and parts of the body as “brain zaps” because it can be described as feeling like a small electric jolt or shock. It is disconcerting, because it can coincide with dizziness, weakness, and lack of coordination. Sometimes I would have to lean against other objects for support when a “brain zap” hit me.

I learned that I was not alone. I found out that most people who try to discontinue Effexor—even under doctor supervision— experience even worse side effects than I did. I discovered that like me, most patients are not warned about how powerful this drug is. I was never told that trying to come off even such a small dose would cause such a terrible case of discontinuation syndrome. Discontinuation syndrome is a process of withdrawal that can occur when patients try to come off SSRIs (Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors) or SNRIs (Serotonin and Norepinephrine Reuptake Inhibitors). You can read this Harvard Health Article for more information. More importantly, scroll down and read the comments, where patients detail how antidepressant withdrawal ruined their health and their lives.

I must stress that it is important that this does not mean that you should not take an antidepressant. If your doctor prescribes something, they are usually taking into account that the benefits outweigh the risks. However, some antidepressants like Zoloft and Effexor have a very short half-life, which means they stay in your system for a shorter time than other drugs (such as Paxil). This quick elimination of the drug from your body upon stopping the drug can cause withdrawal. It certainly does not happen to everyone, but it is a risk that patients deserve to be informed about.

To make a long story short, I ended up in the ER for 6 hours on the day that I was supposed to return to work. This was after rushing to urgent care, where I was told that urgent care was not equipped to treat my symptoms. At the emergency room, they did an EKG and took blood samples, including a lithium level (this was just in case the increase in lithium was causing my symptoms). My heart, thyroid, and kidneys turned out to be fine, and the lithium level was perfect. The doctor prescribed two different medications: Bentyl for abdominal cramps and another drug for nausea.

When I go to fill out the prescription, I see that neither drug was covered by my insurance. The Bentyl was $46, but the nausea drug was going to be $85 for 12 pills. Haha, no. So even though I’ve already spent over a hundred dollars on medicine and medicine co-pays this month, I am desperate, so I pay $46 for the Bentyl.

So, in the meanwhile, I can’t go to work the next day either (got a doctor’s note) and I’m taking the Bentyl with meals as prescribed. At this point, I’ve developed food aversions. I can’t drink milk, I can’t eat anything with too much sugar, and I can’t eat certain raw fruits, vegetables, and proteins. I’m weak all day, and so I spend the day trying to relax. I binged the entire Aggretsuko on Netflix. I am worried that the Bentyl is making my nausea worse, so I wish I had that other drug now but, alas. I ended up throwing up after taking all my night meds. My stomach felt better at that point, but I was also worried that I threw up all the good stuff I needed to help with my mood.

I ate some soup—which I was able to keep down— and went to bed.

It finally becomes Wednesday—and time for another group— but I went to my clinic early so that I can see psychiatrist #3 before group time. When I get in to see her, she is harried (it’s quite busy) and visibly annoyed at me for coming in to see her again so soon. I explained my symptoms and that I felt that I was experiencing withdrawal from the Effexor/Venlafaxine removal. I asked her about a remedy that I had seen online, which was to introduce a single dose of Paxil to help with the withdrawal symptoms. Paxil leaves the body slowly, so introducing that single dose can alleviate symptoms and aid in the tapering off process.

She told me, “Your symptoms are caused by anxiety. You need to take the hydroxyzine, and that will help with the nausea (again I saw scant evidence of that). There’s no smaller dose of Venlafaxine for you to take. The only thing we maybe could’ve done was to have you take the medicine every other day, until you came off from it, but you’ve already been off it for over a week.”

She then cautioned me from getting back on the medication, and I assured her that I had no intentions of getting back on it. Finally, she said, “If your symptoms persist see your PCP.”

I was slightly annoyed that with the risk of discontinuation syndrome associated with this medication, that she wouldn’t have encouraged that slower tapering, just to be safe. I had considered doing that every other day thing for myself, too, but when she hand-waved the side effects I just did what she told me to do. Also, the apparent lack of knowledge about the withdrawal was concerning. From what I saw, about 20% of people experience discontinuation syndrome, but with millions of people suffering with depression, those numbers are significant. Doctors need to be much less careless with this, and if they do not know there should be better education provided. So many people get back on their antidepressants just because the “brain zaps” and other physical symptoms of withdrawal become too devastating.

Withdrawal can last anywhere from 1-3 weeks, but symptoms can persist for months and in rarer cases, even years. This is not a matter to be taken lightly. One of the worst things was just not being informed. I rushed from psychiatrist, to PCP, to ER, and back to my psychiatrist because no one could tell me what was wrong with me or fully help. I have missed hours of work time, lost hours of sleep, and will have spent $100s once this is over. More importantly, because hypochondria/health anxiety is part of my anxiety disorder, I have agonized over what might be wrong with me. The emotional and mental distress—especially because I am coming out of mixed mania that may or may not have been exacerbated by the Venlafaxine—have been almost unbearable. Yesterday, I just kept crying because I was so paranoid that I was going to be met with suspicion or disdain when I returned to the workplace, because I had just missed so much time and I am only a part-timer.

Even today, my symptoms are not fully alleviated. I have not been able to walk in the park in days, laundry is piling up because I didn’t make it out there this week, and I still have to be careful with food. I’ve tried soymilk as an alternative to dairy milk, but I still don’t know whether my stomach likes it or not. I think I threw up because of the Bentyl, but I also did have a lot of soymilk that day (I might have to take my chances because I am fiending for a bowl of cereal).

In summary, dealing with a mental illness can be exhausting and your physical health may also be compromised. Doctors often either cannot—or will not— put themselves in the shoes of their patients. You must advocate for yourself. I cannot stress that enough. It can be difficult and costly, especially when your insurance does not cover everything. Your life is worth it, though, and your health comes first.

Finally, for the love of all things holy and true, do not come off antidepressants like Zoloft and Effexor cold turkey. I’ve read nightmare stories about people coming off dosages as high as 225mg and then just trying to stop. Bad, bad, bad idea. If 37.5mg did this to me, then imagine what a higher dose could do. I have even heard of people experiencing terrible symptoms when it was doctor-sanctioned and their dose was cut in half (like going from 150mg to 75mg).

Please be careful, y’alll.

P.S. I am aware that hydroxyzine is an anti-histimine (like Benadry). It’s off-label use is to treat anxiety.

[anna-2807]

Ok, ladies. You’ve asked for it and here it is.

We sent out Part 1 of this topic (which focused on women not having sex), and within minutes we started receiving comments from women complaining about their husbands not wanting sex.

So many people wanted to know why I took the slanted approach of wives who are refusing their husbands. Honestly, I took that approach because that is what I have been seeing in my office in droves lately.

But listen, the problem goes both ways, and by the end of the day, it was obvious I was going to have to address this issue from the opposite point of view.

Women who find themselves in a sexless marriage have many of the same frustrations as men.

They feel frustrated, alone, embarrassed and angry.

They also feel insecure.

They wonder if they are sexy enough, attractive enough or thin enough.

It is confusing to hear female friends complain about husbands who want it all the time and then come back to a home where no one is pursuing her. Our culture feeds the notion that men are hypersexual, so if you are married to a man who isn’t all that interested, well…there must be something wrong with the woman.

If you are a woman whose husband isn’t interested in sex, you feel like a freak.

Marriage is a partnership. You enter it voluntarily and there are spoken and unspoken agreements.

One of those agreements is that there will be a sexual relationship. When one partner refuses to participate, it is exceptionally selfish.

A sexless marriage feels so powerless and frustrating.

There just isn’t any way around it. Sex is important in a relationship.

It is the one thing that keeps you from just being roommates sharing the same bed.

There are several reasons why a husband doesn’t want sex with his wife.

Physical reasons – It’s always good to start with a checkup to make sure there isn’t something going on physically or hormonally. Low testosterone is fairly common, but I find that raising T levels doesn’t always fix the problem. Still, this is the easiest place to start and begin ruling out factors.

Pornography – This is a touchy subject for many people. There are experts out there who will tell you that pornography enhances sex for couples. I strongly disagree. I find porn causes many more sexual problems than any other single item on this list. Porn changes the brain, and not in a good way. Check out www.yourbrainonporn.com to see what I mean. I don’t recommend it for either men or women, and I’ve seen it cause a lot of harm in relationships. You can also check out the posts we have here on porn use. If your man doesn’t want sex, it could be because he is using porn. If this is the culprit, the fix is cutting off the porn use cold turkey and retraining his brain to increase his desire for a real person.

The quality of your relationship – I think everyone knows that women need emotional connection to increase physical desire. This same thing can be said for men as well. If a man is feeling criticized or belittled by you, he will shut down sexually. (See also: Help! I don’t find my wife attractive). You can’t rage at him or tell him he needs to “be a man” and then expect him to want to have sex with you. A man needs to feel respected by you. If you are talking down to him, treating him like a child, telling him what to do and when to do it, your sex life will suffer.

Performance Anxiety – Men have a lot of pressure to perform. They cannot fake what they don’t feel. Some men are so worried about maintaining an erection or ejaculating prematurely, they shut down and avoid sexual contact altogether. Anxiety is certainly a mood killer. Please don’t minimize the impact performance anxiety can have on a man. I worked with a couple where the man had one episode of not being able to maintain his erection. All his wife said was “Well, that was disappointing”. He became so worried that he would have a repeat performance that it happened again several times. After three or four failed attempts, he shut down. They couldn’t resume a normal sex drive until he dealt with his anxiety. Drugs like Cialis can help but many men are resistant to taking them. The best defense is to deal with the anxiety.

Lack of non-sexual touch – Many women don’t believe this one but I see it quite a lot actually. Not every man needs a lot of physical touch like holding hands, hugging and kissing but many of them do. If you are stand-offish and you are constantly thwarting his attempts to be close to you, he will likely pull back sexually as well. When your guy comes up behind you and puts his arms around you, he is risking rejection. If you stiffen or push him away frequently, he feels unwanted and unwelcomed. This carries over into the bedroom as well.

Depression – Men often get depressed and the symptoms go unrecognized. Depression in men often looks like anger and withdrawal. Sexual desire would be one of the casualties of depression for both men and women.

Your attitude about sex – You may not ever openly reject your husband’s advances but if your attitude is “get this over with quickly” you are certainly dousing the mood. For a woman to have good sex, it requires skill on her lover’s part. For a man to have good sex, it requires an eager partner who is obviously enjoying herself. I have heard many men tell me they would rather masturbate than have sex with a woman who just lies there.

He is having an affair. I can’t count the number of times I have had a couple in my office where the man doesn’t want sex with his wife but comes to therapy to work on the relationship and it comes out later that he is having an affair. This disinterest in sex is usually accompanied by a general disinterest in being together at all. He may say he is working on things, but if he remains very detached and disinterested it is certainly a factor I would consider.

If your husband doesn’t want sex, it is time to find out what is going on.

Too many people keep ignoring this situation and hoping things will get better on their own. Sometimes they do but if things have been going this way for months or years, stop waiting and start pressing for some answers.

If you ask your husband why he doesn’t want sex, he is almost certainly going to tell you he doesn’t know. And that may very well be the truth.

He may have no idea why he doesn’t want sex.

He may not be able to make the connection between how he feels and his libido. He just knows he doesn’t want it as often as you do.

So your conversation needs to go something like this:

“Honey, we aren’t having sex enough for me to feel like I’m getting what I need and want from this relationship. This is really a problem for me. It is very important to me that we get to the bottom of what is going on. I’d like for you to make a doctor’s appointment for a physical checkup and if everything is normal there, I will make an appointment for us to see someone who specializes in this area. I know this may make you uncomfortable, but I love you and our life together too much to just let this go any longer. I’m building up some serious resentment and I’m afraid if we don’t tackle this problem together, I will continue to detach and continue to feel hurt and rejected.”

If he refuses to talk to anyone with you, let him know you will be going alone. If you are at the point where you are considering leaving the marriage, I would respectfully let him know you are disappointed in his decision to avoid the subject and you aren’t sure what this means for the future of your relationship. You aren’t giving idle threats. You are just being honest and letting him know this is serious.

Then the most important part is to FOLLOW THROUGH. Make an appointment with someone who is comfortable and knowledgeable to talk to you about sexual problems.

Contact us online or call us to make an appointment today. Calling us can be your first step toward restoring the sexual pleasure in your relationship.

[wordcreatr]

As I’d mentioned in an earlier post, redoing some of the floors in the house has kept me busy (and my friends concerned about the integrity of my limbs).  It was a task that was a long time coming.

Ever since I bought my dad’s old house, I’ve been meaning to remove the dull brown carpets from the bedrooms and my Man Cave (Nerd Cave according to the Houseguest) and replace them with laminate flooring similar to what’s in the living room (the rest of the house is tiled). I mean, these things were ancient. And by ancient, I mean disgusting. I’m not sure if they were the original carpets from 1980 when I was in junior high, but at a minimum, they’d been on duty at least 20 years and were a far duller brown than when they started out. They were so bad, I wouldn’t invite people over for fear they’d catch a glimpse of them and pass judgment on me.

These carpets had seen their better days sometime in the early 90s. Two decades of tramping feet had ground dirt into them. Vacuuming didn’t help — instead, it produced weird smells from the vacuum cleaner. When the carpets got wet, it resurrected faint scents of accidents by pets long gone. I occasionally borrowed a carpet shampooer from my friend The Todd (not to be confused with Stoner Todd from my post, Ridin’ Dirty) but still the carpets looked only marginally better. The carpets simply had to go.

Trouble Pulling the Trigger

Over the last few years, there have been numerous times I’ve haunted flooring stores or departments looking wistfully at the laminate flooring. However, I always left with nothing more than samples and a vague determination to do something — eventually.

However, as much as I despised the carpets, I never got around to replacing them.  Things kept coming up, like my lack of will to undertake the project myself or not wanting to spend the money. When I did have enough money, I’d use it on something else. I thought about hiring someone, but that would be way more expensive — plus, they’d see my disgusting carpets and silently judge me. And, my Man Cave had so much stuff jammed into it it would be an arduous undertaking to clear it all out. If you’ve ever seen the Room of Requirement from the Harry Potter movies, you get the idea.

My Man Caves resembled this only slightly more crowded.

I could do the job myself but then that meant relying on me and, in my book, that’s never a good idea — especially since my handyman skills are rudimentary at best. I haven’t posted many of my home project follies here, but one time, I got stuck on my roof. And everyone I know cringes when they think of me renting a saw — and they aren’t the only ones. There was the chainsaw incident where I rented one to cut up a tree that fell over during a storm. I came this close to being in a tragic news report and, shaken, I ended up hiring a professional to finish the job.

Mortal enemies

As much as I hated the carpets, the Houseguest hated them more. She’s a Zoroastrian, so she takes the whole cleanliness concept seriously. (Well, compared to me she does — the rest of the Zoroastrians might kick her out of the fire temple if they saw her messy workspace.)

She has been renting a room from me for 3 years, and well before she moved in, I told her I intended to rip up the carpets. Lately, she had been complaining more often about their grodiness and blamed all her ills on them. Shortly after my employment ended, at her behest, I pulled up the carpet in her room. She reasoned that even a bare concrete floor had to be better than the hated carpet. Once I’d removed it, she looked at the exposed concrete with a critical eye, and I could sense her excitement ebb.

“Don’t like it?” I asked.

“I thought it would look — different. More…” her voice trailed off.

Her brow wrinkled as we stared at the stained, dull grey floor.

“It’s kind of — ugly,” she said.

Yes, yes it was.

It was not an attractive looking floor; the construction guys had slopped paint and other things onto the concrete and it looked quite unappealing. The Houseguest consoled herself that at least the carpet was gone and she could at least sweep. That sentiment lasted about two weeks and she began making more and more negative comments about the concrete.

What the Houseguest envisioned…

The reality.

A decision gets made

During that time, I began contemplating paying for new flooring with a credit card. I didn’t really want to add debt while I was unemployed and trying to get some freelance work going, but this ongoing floor situation had been festering far too long. The Houseguest told me not to be silly, she could deal with it.

A week later, the concrete floor finally wore her resolve down and she offered to fund the flooring project and I would pay her back when I had the money. Though I appreciated the offer, I declined because I hate borrowing money from (or loaning it to) friends because a financial obligation is an easy way to poison a relationship. But the Houseguest was persistent; she did not want to look at the concrete floor anymore. Plus, as she pointed out — now was the perfect time to jump into a project because I had a lot of free time. So, finally, I agreed to the loan and she wrote me a check for $1,900.

Gathering supplies

We drove to a couple of spots to check out flooring options. I had been set on installing laminate, but several people had mentioned that Vinyl Luxury Planks was the way to go these days. ‘Vinyl?’ I thought. No way I was putting vinyl on my floors. Oh, but this isn’t your father’s thin vinyl flooring. No, this stuff is created to mimic the look of wood and comes in textured planks. Nucore, the brand I settled on has a cork backing to soften footfalls and deaden sound. It’s not as hard as laminate, but it’s waterproof (I’ve had a broken water line before — no fun) and fairly easy to work with — you can even score it with a boxcutter and then bend it to snap it in two.

I almost went with a nice-looking brand sold through Lowes, but the online reviews were either glowing or scathing. Turns out the product was originally made in China, but after the trade war started, apparently they brought production back to the U.S. and the quality was terrible. People were scrambling looking for boxes of the stuff made in China and some people had got stuck with American stuff halfway through their project. I quickly scratched that one off my list and ended up going with Floor and Decor’s Spalted Maple NuCore.

Before I got the project rolling, I borrowed my friend Carlos’s miter saw to cut the vinyl quarter round molding that would cover the expansion gaps at the baseboards. I’m glad I did because I ended up actually using it to cut the vinyl planking as well. Even though they tout you can use a boxcutter, the first two planks I tried to cut, I kept screwing up and veering offline while scoring the boards and cutting scatches into the surface. No way was I going to end up with jacked up floors from the get-go, so I used Carlos’s power saw (as well a regular hand saw for lengthwise cuts and a hobby saw for small, delicate cuts). That miter saw totally sped things up.

Getting started

Once I had everything I needed, I sat around for a couple of days watching Youtube videos, nervous to start. I’d calculated the number of boxes of planking I needed and added an extra 10% for mistakes, but I wasn’t absolutely sure I had enough. I didn’t want to screw things up to the point where I’d have to scrap the project. Hence the obsessive video watching.

Finally, I decided to stop overthinking it and jump into the deep end and do the Houseguest’s room. I just needed a friend to help me move furniture out. The Todd agreed to stop by late Saturday afternoon and help, but as I had nothing else to do that morning, I thought I’d get a head start by removing all the drawers from the two dressers to lighten them and move the nightstands out, which went smoothly. But why stop there? I decided to see if I could move some of the furniture by myself. See, I don’t like inconveniencing other people (and in turn, don’t like to be inconvenienced). The dressers were solid maple but had small casters hidden underneath which made it easier. Then I decided to tackle the Houseguest’s queen-sized bed (she’d already agreed to stay at a friend’s over the weekend).  Like a determined ant, I got the moving done by the time The Todd called. (Over the course of the project, I ended up moving everything out of all three rooms by myself — dressers, beds, bookcases, desks, etc.)

That’s my bedroom door to the left. I really hoped I didn’t have to escape the house in a hurry.

Hitting my stride — or so I thought

The first room took me longer than I thought it would. A professional could have prepped the floor and laid the interlocking planking down in a few hours, but it took me 3 days (not working straight through, mind you).

Making progress on the Houseguest’s room

Nearly done

Once I finished the first room and moved everything back in, I figured my room would go more quickly now that I had a better idea of what I was doing. I continued to learn new techniques as I went along, like how to cut trim properly and make proper endcaps when the molding ends at an open space to make it look attractive.

After pulling up the carpet in my room, I began prying up the wooden strips of carpet tack that’s nailed into the concrete to keep the edge of the carpet from moving. However, I ran into an immediate setback. Most of the concrete nails holding the carpet tack in place were short, but on one 8-foot section, whoever had nailed the carpet tack down had used gigantic spikes — they looked like the nails the Romans used when they crucified Jesus. These spikes had demolished the concrete underneath, which I pulled it up in big chunks. They’d also caused an eight-foot long crack in the concrete stretching toward the center of the room.

Normal nail and the nail from hell.

I bet some dude ran out of regular nails and used the spikes figuring no one would discover it for decades that he’d half-assed it. Luckily, I had a lot of quick-setting concrete leftover from my plumbing project and I used that to fill in the huge ragged gap along the wall — of course, I had to let it dry and that delayed me.

A pox upon your lazy ass!

Other than that, the main problem I ran into was my decision to go minimalist — I wasn’t going to move a lot of the furniture and extra bullshit back into my room and Man Cave. It was time to purge. But now that furniture and other stuff sat there clogging up my hallway, front room, and living room. As my mom would have said, it looked like a bomb had gone off in my house. 

I ended up sleeping out here

Stuff everywhere

This is my bedroom

Spilling out to the front of the house

Computer in the bathroom

Printer in the hall

Sweet dreams

While I was working on my room, I ended up sleeping on my couch, which (luckily) consists of two day beds and is super comfy. I actually slept more soundly on it than my regular bed. The Houseguest was a bit bummed because she likes to watch CNN in the morning on the living room TV before going to work. I ended up sleeping out there for a week because when I started in on the Man Cave, I had so much crap to lug out I had to store a lot of it in my bedroom and some stuff ended up piled on top of my bed. The Man Cave floor I completed pretty quickly, even though the crucifier had been at engaged in his destructive ways again and I had to put new cement down once more.

Yep, I have my knee pads on upside down.

Once the floors were down, I still wasn’t quite done because I needed Carlos’ nail gun and compressor to secure the quarter rounds. It was about a week before I got them, however, I decided to move some of my furniture and stuff back in and work around it once I got the nailgun because routines were too disrupted. Plus, furniture was blocking access to my washing machine and I was running out of clean clothes.

Let’s do this!

Not a good look for me

I have to admit, the project stretched out longer than I wanted it to and people kept asking when it would be done. Joe, the owner of Bigfish, my last place of employment, texted me after one of my umpteen updates.

“Rivers! (my nickname) What are you doing over there? Building the Taj Mahal?”

Using a packing blanket to drag my heavy-ass bedframe without damaging the floor.

But I eventually got everything I wanted in the rooms dragged back in. My Man Cave looks like a minimalist’s haven — well, compared to what it looked like before. The front rooms are still a bit messy, but I’m going through stuff and putting it into the garage, throwing it out, or donating it.

I was happy with my work. The Houseguest stood admiring the floor of the Man Cave.

“You know, you got so much better at it as you went along,” she said. I looked at her.

“Are you saying you’re unhappy with your floor?”

She wasn’t. But she was right; my early work wasn’t my best. You could see a few seams in her room that could have been tighter. I’d made a couple of minor mistakes, but I wasn’t sure I’d have enough material at the time, so I worked around them. Once I’d finished everything, I ended up with a left over box of planks. I’d already decided I would fix the Houseguest’s floor, so I recut the problematic boards and have them stored away. When she goes out of town in November, I’m going to redo her floor. It won’t be hard. I’ll simply pull it up and relay it and insert the new boards. The hardest part will be dragging her furniture out, but it should take me no time at all. Honestly, it doesn’t look bad now, but I would know it could be better, so I have to redo it.

Lessons learned

So, I learned a few things during this project.

Getting up and down repeatedly sucks. I ended up bruising my left knuckles and knee against the concrete until I started wearing work gloves and bought some knee pads.

If something doesn’t seem right, it probably isn’t. My knee pads sucked and kept falling down. Worst design ever. Just as I was finishing up the row in the last room I realized I’d had them on upside down the whole time. Oops. I put them on the right way for that last row and they fit well and were super comfy. Better late than never — I guess.

After much pain and tears, you’ll discover a super-easy way to do a pain-in-the-ass task, right as you’re finishing up.

Having the right tools is super helpful. Not having them is really frustrating, though you can improvise.

I suck at trying to cut vinyl planking with a boxcutter. Mitre saw for the win! My friend Jason’s brother saw me post on Facebook about using a miter saw and asked him if I realized I didn’t need a miter saw for vinyl planking. Au contraire, my friend. Bro, did I ever need it.

Never take the easy way out. You won’t be happy. I was just using a straight cut on the end of my quarter rounds even though the flooring experts said it looked unprofessional. I’d tried to make a neatly curved end cap but failed and settled for a simple 90-degree cut. But the experts were right — it looked like shit, so I went back to YouTube and found a better how-to video and learned how to do end caps right. Then I redid all the ones I’d done so farl. They looked 100 times better.

Take a gander at that awesome looking end cap I made. Involved two 45-degree outside cuts and a regular cut and then some glue.

Anyway, so, the flooring is down, it looks good, and I love the new and improved Man Cave. It no longer looks like an orc den. Oh, and I just repaid the Houseguest her money after getting paid on some freelancing gigs. And there were no trips to the ER. I’m calling this a win for the Land Manatee.

The new and improved Man Cave.

DIY Success? Luxury Vinyl Planks As I'd mentioned in an earlier post, redoing some of the floors in the house has kept me busy…

[mounicalucia-blog]

What not having sex is doing to your marriage, part 2

Ok, ladies. You’ve asked for it and here it is.

We sent out Part 1 of this topic (which focused on women not having sex), and within minutes we started receiving comments from women complaining about their husbands not wanting sex.

So many people wanted to know why I took the slanted approach of wives who are refusing their husbands. Honestly, I took that approach because that is what I have been seeing in my office in droves lately.

But listen, the problem goes both ways, and by the end of the day, it was obvious I was going to have to address this issue from the opposite point of view.

Women who find themselves in a sexless marriage have many of the same frustrations as men.

They feel frustrated, alone, embarrassed and angry.

They also feel insecure.

They wonder if they are sexy enough, attractive enough or thin enough.

It is confusing to hear female friends complain about husbands who want it all the time and then come back to a home where no one is pursuing her. Our culture feeds the notion that men are hypersexual, so if you are married to a man who isn’t all that interested, well…there must be something wrong with the woman.

If you are a woman whose husband isn’t interested in sex, you feel like a freak.

Marriage is a partnership. You enter it voluntarily and there are spoken and unspoken agreements.

One of those agreements is that there will be a sexual relationship. When one partner refuses to participate, it is exceptionally selfish.

A sexless marriage feels so powerless and frustrating.

There just isn’t any way around it. Sex is important in a relationship.

It is the one thing that keeps you from just being roommates sharing the same bed.

There are several reasons why a husband doesn’t want sex with his wife.

Physical reasons – It’s always good to start with a checkup to make sure there isn’t something going on physically or hormonally. Low testosterone is fairly common, but I find that raising T levels doesn’t always fix the problem. Still, this is the easiest place to start and begin ruling out factors.

Pornography – This is a touchy subject for many people. There are experts out there who will tell you that pornography enhances sex for couples. I strongly disagree. I find porn causes many more sexual problems than any other single item on this list. Porn changes the brain, and not in a good way. Check out www.yourbrainonporn.com to see what I mean. I don’t recommend it for either men or women, and I’ve seen it cause a lot of harm in relationships. You can also check out the posts we have here on porn use. If your man doesn’t want sex, it could be because he is using porn. If this is the culprit, the fix is cutting off the porn use cold turkey and retraining his brain to increase his desire for a real person.

The quality of your relationship – I think everyone knows that women need emotional connection to increase physical desire. This same thing can be said for men as well. If a man is feeling criticized or belittled by you, he will shut down sexually. (See also: Help! I don’t find my wife attractive). You can’t rage at him or tell him he needs to “be a man” and then expect him to want to have sex with you. A man needs to feel respected by you. If you are talking down to him, treating him like a child, telling him what to do and when to do it, your sex life will suffer.

Performance Anxiety – Men have a lot of pressure to perform. They cannot fake what they don’t feel. Some men are so worried about maintaining an erection or ejaculating prematurely, they shut down and avoid sexual contact altogether. Anxiety is certainly a mood killer. Please don’t minimize the impact performance anxiety can have on a man. I worked with a couple where the man had one episode of not being able to maintain his erection. All his wife said was “Well, that was disappointing”. He became so worried that he would have a repeat performance that it happened again several times. After three or four failed attempts, he shut down. They couldn’t resume a normal sex drive until he dealt with his anxiety. Drugs like Cialis can help but many men are resistant to taking them. The best defense is to deal with the anxiety.

Lack of non-sexual touch – Many women don’t believe this one but I see it quite a lot actually. Not every man needs a lot of physical touch like holding hands, hugging and kissing but many of them do. If you are stand-offish and you are constantly thwarting his attempts to be close to you, he will likely pull back sexually as well. When your guy comes up behind you and puts his arms around you, he is risking rejection. If you stiffen or push him away frequently, he feels unwanted and unwelcomed. This carries over into the bedroom as well.

Depression – Men often get depressed and the symptoms go unrecognized. Depression in men often looks like anger and withdrawal. Sexual desire would be one of the casualties of depression for both men and women.

Your attitude about sex – You may not ever openly reject your husband’s advances but if your attitude is “get this over with quickly” you are certainly dousing the mood. For a woman to have good sex, it requires skill on her lover’s part. For a man to have good sex, it requires an eager partner who is obviously enjoying herself. I have heard many men tell me they would rather masturbate than have sex with a woman who just lies there.

He is having an affair. I can’t count the number of times I have had a couple in my office where the man doesn’t want sex with his wife but comes to therapy to work on the relationship and it comes out later that he is having an affair. This disinterest in sex is usually accompanied by a general disinterest in being together at all. He may say he is working on things, but if he remains very detached and disinterested it is certainly a factor I would consider.

If your husband doesn’t want sex, it is time to find out what is going on.

Too many people keep ignoring this situation and hoping things will get better on their own. Sometimes they do but if things have been going this way for months or years, stop waiting and start pressing for some answers.

If you ask your husband why he doesn’t want sex, he is almost certainly going to tell you he doesn’t know. And that may very well be the truth.

He may have no idea why he doesn’t want sex.

He may not be able to make the connection between how he feels and his libido. He just knows he doesn’t want it as often as you do.

So your conversation needs to go something like this:

“Honey, we aren’t having sex enough for me to feel like I’m getting what I need and want from this relationship. This is really a problem for me. It is very important to me that we get to the bottom of what is going on. I’d like for you to make a doctor’s appointment for a physical checkup and if everything is normal there, I will make an appointment for us to see someone who specializes in this area. I know this may make you uncomfortable, but I love you and our life together too much to just let this go any longer. I’m building up some serious resentment and I’m afraid if we don’t tackle this problem together, I will continue to detach and continue to feel hurt and rejected.”

If he refuses to talk to anyone with you, let him know you will be going alone. If you are at the point where you are considering leaving the marriage, I would respectfully let him know you are disappointed in his decision to avoid the subject and you aren’t sure what this means for the future of your relationship. You aren’t giving idle threats. You are just being honest and letting him know this is serious.

Then the most important part is to FOLLOW THROUGH. Make an appointment with someone who is comfortable and knowledgeable to talk to you about sexual problems.

Contact us online or call us to make an appointment today. Calling us can be your first step toward restoring the sexual pleasure in your relationship.

Visit - https://themarriageplace.com/2017/01/husband-doesnt-want-sex/

[welcometoprime-time]

Logan (2017)

Welcome back again to my blog on all things pop culture with my review of "Logan" I really enjoyed this movie overall and would like to advise if you haven't seen it already you are OK there won't be spoilers, I may hint at certain events and characters but, I won't spoil any major plot points. If you haven't seen the many trailers, each more moody and darker than the last then let me explain what "Logan" is roughly about. Logan is set in the not too distant future where we find "Wolverine" or "Logan" as he is going by now working as a limo driver on the US/Mexico border. "Professor Charles Xavier" is frail and suffering for numerous degenerative conditions and is being cared for by Logan as well as another mutant, "Caliban". The majority of mutants are dead but, when a mysterious little girl with similar gifts to "Logan" turns up looking for help from an evil band of enhanced mercenaries, "Logan" faces one of the hardest challenges to date. Firstly I would love to say that I've never been a massive fan of the "X-Men" franchise. I enjoyed the first two movies as well as the newer stories that featured the younger "Xavier" and "Magneto". The Wolverine centered films were largely a dissapointment; "Origins" just felt really disjointed and rushed with the obvious foul up of messing with "Deadpool" and "The Wolverine" was largely enjoyable apart from the 3rd act. I was a little apprehensive about the final appearance of Hugh Jackmans "Logan". I'm really glad that after 17 years and a whole heap of films "Wolverine" finally got a movie worthy of his angry, brutal character. The overall performance of Hugh Jackman was fantastic. He plays "Logan" as a man of few words and incredibley hostile, why wouldn't he be ? He just wants a quiet life, free from hassle or violently having to skewer people with his impervious, metal claws. As the film progresses you discover that "Logan" is haunted by his past life and actions, filled with regret and almost waiting for a death that might never come. Jackman plays "Logan" as a western style anti hero in the vein of Clint Eastwood or John Wayne, shooting a glance or holding himself in a way that says everything that his words might have. I really feel that this is the performance that Jackman has always looked to have in this series. Patrick Stewart is brilliant as the increasingly frail "Charles Xavier", almost heart breaking in places to see how far the once strong leader has come. As with "Logan", "Xavier" is almost at peace with his own mortality; after all he is in his 90s at this point in the "X-Men" timeline. The only difference between "Xavier" and "Logan" is that he has hope for his mutant kind surviving in the mythical Eden. New comer Defne Keen is fantastic for an actor of her age as "Laura/X23", barely having more than a handful of dialogue until the back end of act 2. Like "Logan", "Laura" has been enhanced by an evil corporation but, is confused by her rage and abilities needing guidance and advice to harness her gifts. Like Jackman, Keen says more with a glance or mannerism than any line of dialogue. The supporting cast is sparce. Stephen Merchant is great but, under utilised as "Caliban". I appreciate that this film is really about the 3 central characters, however I would have liked to seen a little more explaination as to how "Caliban" came to be in the life of "Logan". Boyd Hillbrook is immensly unlikeable in a good way as "Donald Pierce", the mercenary of "Transigen". Like Merchant I would have liked to have seen a little more character development, maybe explaining how he became enhanced, why he needed enhanced ? Richard E.Grant was great but, also under utilised and understated as lead doctor of "Transigen". Very little in the way of characterisation which is a shame really. The reason he is pursuing the mutants is mostly just a throw away comment near the end of the film. The action sequences in "Logan" are incredible. Whilst a few may complain about the sheer visceral nature of the fight scenes I really thought it was necessary for a film of this type. "Logan" is far more grounded in realism, which sounds ridiculous considering that it's a film about mutants. Showing the blood shed and violence supports the narrative that "Logan" is filled with regret and shows that there is consequence and cost to his actions. As I mentioned previously "Logan" plays more like a western style film that just so happens to have mutants in it. It feels low budget and gritty, like "All Superheroes Must Die" with a budget. My one concern is that the action is so fast paced at some points that it's almost overwhelming considering that the action sequences are few and far between. My one gripe with the film is that the 3rd act is under played. I appreciate that this a big moment in both the history of the character and also the "X-Men" universe as a whole but, the final battle was a little bit of a damp squib. There was also the lack of certain plot points that I got a little confused about. It's maybe just the geek in me but, there was no mention of which timeline that this movie took place in, and more to the point where do "Apocalypse", "Days Of Future Past" etc fit into the overall narrative. As has become standard with the superhero genre now, the audience was looking for a mid credits or after credits scene and I for one am glad that "Logan" wasn't cheapened by a set up for another film. There is however a delightful teaser short for "Deadpool 2". Really worth seeing online and I will post a link at the bottom of this review. Overall I think "Logan" is one of, if not, the strongest entry into not only the "Wolverine" but, the "X-Men" series as a whole. Incredibly different from a standard superhero movie using a narrative style common with western films. I would urge you to see it on the big screen and prepare for a heart breaking, blood filled ending to Hugh Jackman as "Logan" Thanks for reading as always if you have anything to say please leave a comment below or by following me on social media.

Posted with Blogsy

[anna-2807]

Married Women Reveal How They Deal With A Sexless Marriage

What not having sex is doing to your marriage, part 2

Ok, ladies. You’ve asked for it and here it is.

We sent out Part 1 of this topic (which focused on women not having sex), and within minutes we started receiving comments from women complaining about their husbands not wanting sex.

So many people wanted to know why I took the slanted approach of wives who are refusing their husbands. Honestly, I took that approach because that is what I have been seeing in my office in droves lately.

But listen, the problem goes both ways, and by the end of the day, it was obvious I was going to have to address this issue from the opposite point of view.

Women who find themselves in a sexless marriage have many of the same frustrations as men.

They feel frustrated, alone, embarrassed and angry.

They also feel insecure.

They wonder if they are sexy enough, attractive enough or thin enough.

It is confusing to hear female friends complain about husbands who want it all the time and then come back to a home where no one is pursuing her. Our culture feeds the notion that men are hypersexual, so if you are married to a man who isn’t all that interested, well…there must be something wrong with the woman.

If you are a woman whose husband isn’t interested in sex, you feel like a freak.

Marriage is a partnership. You enter it voluntarily and there are spoken and unspoken agreements.

One of those agreements is that there will be a sexual relationship. When one partner refuses to participate, it is exceptionally selfish.

A sexless marriage feels so powerless and frustrating.

There just isn’t any way around it. Sex is important in a relationship.

It is the one thing that keeps you from just being roommates sharing the same bed.

There are several reasons why a husband doesn’t want sex with his wife.

Physical reasons – It’s always good to start with a checkup to make sure there isn’t something going on physically or hormonally. Low testosterone is fairly common, but I find that raising T levels doesn’t always fix the problem. Still, this is the easiest place to start and begin ruling out factors.

Pornography – This is a touchy subject for many people. There are experts out there who will tell you that pornography enhances sex for couples. I strongly disagree. I find porn causes many more sexual problems than any other single item on this list. Porn changes the brain, and not in a good way. Check out www.yourbrainonporn.com to see what I mean. I don’t recommend it for either men or women, and I’ve seen it cause a lot of harm in relationships. You can also check out the posts we have here on porn use. If your man doesn’t want sex, it could be because he is using porn. If this is the culprit, the fix is cutting off the porn use cold turkey and retraining his brain to increase his desire for a real person.

The quality of your relationship – I think everyone knows that women need emotional connection to increase physical desire. This same thing can be said for men as well. If a man is feeling criticized or belittled by you, he will shut down sexually. (See also: Help! I don’t find my wife attractive). You can’t rage at him or tell him he needs to “be a man” and then expect him to want to have sex with you. A man needs to feel respected by you. If you are talking down to him, treating him like a child, telling him what to do and when to do it, your sex life will suffer.

Performance Anxiety – Men have a lot of pressure to perform. They cannot fake what they don’t feel. Some men are so worried about maintaining an erection or ejaculating prematurely, they shut down and avoid sexual contact altogether. Anxiety is certainly a mood killer. Please don’t minimize the impact performance anxiety can have on a man. I worked with a couple where the man had one episode of not being able to maintain his erection. All his wife said was “Well, that was disappointing”. He became so worried that he would have a repeat performance that it happened again several times. After three or four failed attempts, he shut down. They couldn’t resume a normal sex drive until he dealt with his anxiety. Drugs like Cialis can help but many men are resistant to taking them. The best defense is to deal with the anxiety.

Lack of non-sexual touch – Many women don’t believe this one but I see it quite a lot actually. Not every man needs a lot of physical touch like holding hands, hugging and kissing but many of them do. If you are stand-offish and you are constantly thwarting his attempts to be close to you, he will likely pull back sexually as well. When your guy comes up behind you and puts his arms around you, he is risking rejection. If you stiffen or push him away frequently, he feels unwanted and unwelcomed. This carries over into the bedroom as well.

Depression – Men often get depressed and the symptoms go unrecognized. Depression in men often looks like anger and withdrawal. Sexual desire would be one of the casualties of depression for both men and women.

Your attitude about sex – You may not ever openly reject your husband’s advances but if your attitude is “get this over with quickly” you are certainly dousing the mood. For a woman to have good sex, it requires skill on her lover’s part. For a man to have good sex, it requires an eager partner who is obviously enjoying herself. I have heard many men tell me they would rather masturbate than have sex with a woman who just lies there.

He is having an affair. I can’t count the number of times I have had a couple in my office where the man doesn’t want sex with his wife but comes to therapy to work on the relationship and it comes out later that he is having an affair. This disinterest in sex is usually accompanied by a general disinterest in being together at all. He may say he is working on things, but if he remains very detached and disinterested it is certainly a factor I would consider.

If your husband doesn’t want sex, it is time to find out what is going on.

Too many people keep ignoring this situation and hoping things will get better on their own. Sometimes they do but if things have been going this way for months or years, stop waiting and start pressing for some answers.

If you ask your husband why he doesn’t want sex, he is almost certainly going to tell you he doesn’t know. And that may very well be the truth.

He may have no idea why he doesn’t want sex.

He may not be able to make the connection between how he feels and his libido. He just knows he doesn’t want it as often as you do.

So your conversation needs to go something like this:

“Honey, we aren’t having sex enough for me to feel like I’m getting what I need and want from this relationship. This is really a problem for me. It is very important to me that we get to the bottom of what is going on. I’d like for you to make a doctor’s appointment for a physical checkup and if everything is normal there, I will make an appointment for us to see someone who specializes in this area. I know this may make you uncomfortable, but I love you and our life together too much to just let this go any longer. I’m building up some serious resentment and I’m afraid if we don’t tackle this problem together, I will continue to detach and continue to feel hurt and rejected.”

If he refuses to talk to anyone with you, let him know you will be going alone. If you are at the point where you are considering leaving the marriage, I would respectfully let him know you are disappointed in his decision to avoid the subject and you aren’t sure what this means for the future of your relationship. You aren’t giving idle threats. You are just being honest and letting him know this is serious.

Then the most important part is to FOLLOW THROUGH. Make an appointment with someone who is comfortable and knowledgeable to talk to you about sexual problems.

Contact us online or call us to make an appointment today. Calling us can be your first step toward restoring the sexual pleasure in your relationship.

Read more at https://themarriageplace.com/2017/01/husband-doesnt-want-sex/