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#I’ve kind of felt nothing?
mkaleidescopel · 1 year
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Journal entry in the tags
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rainbow-beanie · 8 months
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Even a month after reading it, I’m still taken aback by how dark the metal virus arc was, cause not only did all the main characters go through tons of grief, but we also see a glimpse into how other characters feel that aren’t apart of the main cast.
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The poor girl, who knew she was infected, and despite that she tried and pleaded not to be left alone, cause the world was falling apart, she was losing everyone she loved, and she was scared. So the last thing she wanted was to be alone. Seeing this kind of feeling displayed in a sonic comic of all things filled me with dread, cause it felt oh so realistic, cause I know people in rl would react the same way.
What makes it worse is that she was screaming and crying up until vector, who definitely didn’t want to do this, but knew that if he didn’t, more people would be hurt, picked up a car and slammed it onto her, crushing her. And if she hadn’t turned into a sombot after this point, that impact would have killed her.
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19mhz · 4 months
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a.
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fitpacs · 3 months
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<3
#i’m reflecting on yesterday rn#and i could honestly bawl my fucking eyes out because of the appreciation i feel from this community#if i may open up a little#i’ve always felt very isolated in life#both irl and online in communities i’ve always felt on the outskirts#never been anyone’s first second or third choice#and yesterday just made me feel the opposite#i’ve only been on qsmpblr since january and tk get the outpouring of love i received yesterday#it blows my fucking mind#if i’m being honest again i don’t feel like i deserve it#but regardless i am so fucking grateful to the people in this community - the strangers and the people i call friends alike#just thank you for making me feel valued and appreciated as a person#because i’ve not felt that for a very long time#and i’m just an anonymous person on the internet with a chay pfp#there’s nothing else identifiable about me#and yet people still give a shit? people went out of their way to wish me hbd and created things for me?#honestly i’m tearing up rn because of it#so just thank you - these things may just not even have crossed your mind as something special to have done#but to me they mean the entire fucking universe#so thank you from the bottom of my heart - i will never shut the fuck up about the love respect and appreciation i have for qsmpblr#because that’s all i’ve received in turn and i am still not used to that#i’ll shut up now but thank you again to absolutely everyone#if there is anything i can do to repay you for the endless kindness you show me please let me know
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roys-our-boy · 4 months
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His sprite is so CUTE. Getian loml
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ohlovxr · 2 years
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ajsskj tell me why when stick said something along the lines of “oh boohoo my dad died and i’m burrowing my sorrows between the legs of some supermodel” to mock matt, my sad little brain went omg imagine being matt’s sweet neighbour that stick’s observed him interacting with - seeing how obviously in love with he is and turned on by you - and saying instead “burrowing my sorrows between the legs of some neighbourhood skank” just to get that much more on his nerves.
hnngggg and it works bc matt immediately comes to his unofficial and oblivious to his infatuation girl’s defence and gets much more hostile.
and the next time he sees you!!! you’re being your usual sweet and helpful self with him and matt can’t help but pile on the praise and thankful touches which have always just been an excuse to touch you as if you’d heard what stick said about you. just one example is how he makes sure to emphasize how “this is perfect sweetheart, thank you.” and his hand rubs your arm. “you’re perfect… you know that, right?”
and it drives him crazy how fast your heart starts beating and flustered you get and interrupts your soft “i mean…” with a firm “you are” as if you not believing just how completely perfect you are was an insult to him.
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shirtlessradfahrer · 6 months
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So what do you do when your favourite rapper makes a catchy song about the hardships of life that you want to love but upon release can’t connect with at all and after a few listens almost outright dislike because none of the pain and hardship life has put you through has ever made you a better person or given you the energy/motivation to do better and it actually just did the complete opposite and you’ve lost out on precious years of your life and so many opportunities while trying to process the trauma and undo the damage
But everyone else seems to love the song to the point that you start to wonder if maybe you’re just a fucking idiot for not being able to make something good out of said trauma and hardship instead of just being filled with crippling anxiety and depression and bitterness and grief and rage
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aroaessidhe · 1 year
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2023 reads // twitter thread
The Sun and The Void
Venezuelan inspired high fantasy
follows a young outcast swordswoman taken in by her grandmother, the dark sorceress for a noble family, who relies on the magic to keep her alive after being attacked by monstrous creatures
and a young noblewoman who’s the shame of her family because of her mixed heritage and desire to use magic
both are manipulated by those with more power than them into a plot to free an ancient evil god
mineral based magic, politics, nonhuman MCs
#The Sun and The Void#aroaessidhe 2023 reads#hm. haha. surface level this is kinda interesting and cool but i am going to follow with so many complaints#though I feel like it didn’t go into the magic or worldbuilding as much as I wanted and it felt irrelevant to the characters#like how does the magic even work? idk man#though I feel like it didn’t go into it as much as I wanted and it felt irrelevant to the characters#very slow to start and the pacing is weird. it would also go ages without having the other POV. very disjointed?#it felt like the first 60% was just context for the group of characters getting together as a group and then it was a bit predisposed with#They’re A Group! even tho. they're barely a group for long#the authors note mentions that the story concept started with a line about the god and ritual and…..yeah I can kind of tell#I feel like everything was built up around it in a way that ultimately that part didn’t fit right#I never bought that any of them were actually like fully committed to the evil dark magic? and also there’s this plot twist#that they have to fully kill the sacrifices & I was like…did we not already know that? girl r you stupid what do you think sacrifice means#also#oh my god at like half way one of the MCs is like. oh finally this guy who I’ve been exchanging letters with for months turned up to get me#away from here! by the way I’ve been exchanging letters with this guy and we’re friends! and like. she’d been doing nothing much for the#last 10% of the book why was that not like….shown as something she was doing? and like build up the friendship for the reader instead of#just dropping it on us - and also that we know the character from the other POV. and hes a racist prick. and we're supposed to believe she'#charmed by him because of this letter writing WE DIDN’T SEE….. why.#and then also that is like. he’s a shitbag and it’s obviously not romantic at all. he’s manipulative and terrible to her#EXCEPT at the end it implies his bad behaviour is because demon and oh uwu he gets all beat up and maybe hes sowwy now#and starts to imply she likes and is attracted to him? and I get the impression the next book is gonna be like evil power couple dynamic?#which. feels like the first concept the author had; and then tried to build up to that but not effectively lmao#for the lesbians:#I DO APPRECIATE having an assumed love interest then realising that that was idealised and actually you have feelings#for this other person you’ve become friends with! nice slow switch up. though quite brief#I do however dislike that when she admitted her feelings to the first LI and she rejected her it was still framed as the other’s fault#for not reciprocating the feelings….worst trope….also like. it kind of conflated her not feeling that way to her having a bit of class disc#which. yikes? oh my god stop villainising people for not reciprocating romantic feelings (ALSO they turn out to be related anyway 🤪)#i just feel like the romance switchover could have been done with more nuance and complexity
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raeofgayshine · 5 months
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I wish I could go back and tell younger me that I would in fact find that place one day full of people that I adore deeply and who I know love me in return. Who make me feel wanted and cared for and appreciated in a way I never thought would be possible. And none of it required hiding, or forcing myself to be a person I’m not. And I still have that space even though I’m aroace.
For the first time ever, I see a future where I’m not alone. And I wish I could go back and tell my younger self it would happen. It’s possible to not be constantly lonely.
#ravenpuff rambles#I’ve been lucky enough in my life to make amazing friends several times#several of whom are still in my life now#but it’s only been recently that I’ve felt like I truly found my place#I don’t know how to explain it#I guess up until now I have always gone into friendships expecting them to end and holding back just a little bit#and this is the first time I don’t feel like I have to run because I don’t feel like these people are going to leave me#maybe it’s just because one of them is also aroace and we’ve talked a lot about those similar feelings of being left behind#never had someone quite get that before#and maybe it’s just I feel more willing to open my heart#admittedly this group of ours went through some shit together and that’s how the friendships really started forming#and so maybe that helps#but it’s like#Have you ever met someone who is so much like you in so many ways that its like the joke of ‘#‘can I copy your homework?’ ‘yeah just be sure to change it so no one knows’#It’s a weird thing of feeling so completely and totally seen by somebody sometimes without having to say a word#anyways#I’m really happy with this little place I found and I wish I could tell younger me#and also tell xem that no it doesn’t look like a fanfic dream#no im not their person but yeah they’re kind of mine but that’s okay#its nothing and everything like I always thought of#and for the first time in my life I don’t feel a crush sense of loneliness#yes I wish I could see them in person#but I can be okay with everything I do get
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hobidyllic · 2 months
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on day 2 of my social media detox, my screen time is down to 75 minutes, i’ve been bored for the first time in forever and i didn’t think i would miss pinterest the most (but i do)
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The tism is intersecting with my depression and ocd and the fresh realization of various trauma inflicted by my p*rents and it is uh. A combination!
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tariah23 · 6 months
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Well, I’m still glad that Gojo was always a character who was growing and learning at least. He’s literally one of my favorite characters of all time now. Like, he’s never been as perfect as how the fans would make him out to be despite canonically being viewed as an absolute nuisance to everyone around him (I don’t think his peers necessarily hate him but a lot of them probably hate to see him coming and the ones who’ve dealt with him long enough to consider him a friend, tolerate him and groan whenever he opens his mouth, too 😭… out of love. He’s extremely childish so there is only sm the other adults around him can take and to an extent, his students. I think the only characters in canon who adore him and their eye’s sparkle whenever he’s around, and being a silly teacher was Yuuji and Miwa (she asked him for his autograph (he’s the most famous sorcerer in the jjk world) and when she was alone, she did a little dance in the empty hallway 🥺…) from what we’ve seen even though the others still care about him, too. They just find him rather annoying, which he most definitely is. And he does it on purpose. He plays too much.)
#I’m also not usually one to get annoyed whenever ppl shit on the things I like#like I’m an adult sorry idc 😵‍💫#but it’s always annoying seeing ppl who know nothing about the story complaining about it#even just as recently with the Gojo being racist shit 😭..#like he’s a really great character despite all of that and even though Gege’s#execution of that could’ve been better or didn’t need to happen at all#because idk what gege was doing even though I do strongly believe that he used a moment like this to showcase Gojo’s ignorance and#that how he’s also human and makes mistakes since if you’re familiar with the series Gojo isn’t really treated like person at all#more like a deity and he doesn’t like that#but he’s never been one to voice his personal feelings and talk about his trauma ever#he gets treated like a god and because of this he’s never felt like he could truly connect with other people#so that’s why he puts on that whole act of being overly friendly/ playing with others and even rude to shut others out because of his#aversion to opening his traumatized self To other ppl like he’s so cool#and when he’s friendly he gives the others just enough of his affection so that he wouldn’t be worried about and not have others pry#but he’s incredibly flawed as well#I feel like gege could’ve showed Gojo being ‘humbled’ some other kind of way over the racism tho 😭. But it’s fine lmfao#I’m still so grateful that he had Gojo actually apologize instead of waving Miguel off like he didn’t matter because like I’ve said before#he literally never apologizes (this is probably the first time that I’ve ever seen gojo apologize to anyone in canon I’m so serious 🗿)#that’s literally not part of him#like he feels regret but he never apologies or shows that he actually cares about what others are expressing to him when they’re upset with#him. like this is crazy. but it shows that he did care about the mistake that he made which I appreciate…. like idk how I would’ve felt#about his character if he showed that he could care less when hurting someone like this🗿…..#I adore him so much sorry sorry for taking about anime I’m just 😭…. ❤️❤️❤️#rambling#I’m glad that everyone is fucking with Miguel now because he is a really interesting character even though we haven’t seen much of him#he’s one of the few ppl who Gojo trusted enough to look after someone who he cared about despite the horrors#because he knew that Miguel would protect yuuta and do right by him#it’s very 😭❤️…
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tautozhone · 5 months
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idk how to start this so this post is ab individual action, trying to motivate positive change in the world, etc etc
a lot of growing up in the US for me makes things feel more scary than they are. like it’s actually not that difficult to go out of your way to get a bottle of water or iced cup of water from some random drive through if you think you should do it. either fast food conglomerate or local actually, it’ll usually be cheaper than 5 dollars to get drinkable water. i try to have 5-10 dollars i can justify spending on water, and asking for change, because sometimes when i’m out driving i need to go grab water.
i do not do this for me as much as i try to do it specifically when i see someone who’s most likely homeless on a street corner. i’m sure one day i might do this and they might not be there when i come back, but what have i lost really? a bit of time and a bit of money that would’ve meant more to them, that i can hold onto until i see them next.
the pressure that a lot of people feel when they think “what can i do” comes from this grand narrative that the average citizen can singlehandedly fix the housing crisis. rich people? maybe. nonprofits? not in a day, not all one person still. what can i do is a question i ask a lot. what can i do, not just because it feels bad to move along like nothings wrong with the world, but what can i do that will do anything. what can i do that makes even the smallest change.
i feel like it took me too long to figure out a personal method to what i consider individual action. it’s taking time to get to my own financial stability to be able to do more. but for now it’s as simple as water and cash. not water and food, but water and cash.
individual action means a lot in small steps, go get a bottle of water bare minimum and the price of a meal if you can and then just give it to them. if it wasn’t such a miserably hot place where i live i would keep a pack of water in my car, which i still want to do for the sake of having immediate access to water to give someone who might need it- hot or cold sometimes won’t matter. but when it’s hot out, get cold water, if it’s cold out, a warm tea will hydrate more than coffee will as long as it’s not super caffeinated.
#very genuinely i’ve always felt paralyzed by the idea i cannot doing anything to help and on the grand scale i kind of can’t#i can’t give someone a house to stay in where i could take care of the space enough to get someone back on their own feet#but i can give someone water and some money for whatever they need#one day i’ll be able to do more but for now. water bottles and cash.#what i want to say here is everyone knows bare necessities and everyone knows ways to get them#i also have an opinion that you should sit with and hold the harsh feeling of seeing the world fall apart and help people survive anyway#idfk man#i’ve met some extremely fucking jaded people in my time at college who seem to have no way to piece together that they can do SOMETHING#one of my classmates once complained about feeling bad about not doing anything for a guy on a corner and i recognized who#because i’d seen him too and done nothing at least 5 times before one day on the way home i gave him all the cash i had on me#she’d said she’d do more if she wasn’t so scared and anxious of being hurt. i don’t see how he could even look harmful or dangerous#he blessed me and offered a hug and asked me to have a good day and said thank you and i still can’t see why she was scared of him#at the same time i hadn’t done anything until i saw myself in someone else and thought it looked nasty. looked uncaring.#i saw him again today and gave him a water bottle and all the cash i had on me. i told him the weather seemed hot#he agreed with me and he took the bottle of water#i think i interrupted him opening it to hand him the rest#he got up and he blessed me again#offered a hug and more thank you’s and it’s so simple but i felt us both human in that moment. talking about the weather in a brief exchange#wishing each other well as we go different ways#he wouldn’t stop thanking me and wishing me well#i told him it was the smallest thing i think anyone could do and i still walked away hollow wishing to have done more somehow#to suddenly own an apartment complex nearby for him and anyone he knew that needed it too#not a rigid shelter but a place to make home#blah blah blah talking too much about a deed done because i get emotional about humanity#tauto talks
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cuteniaarts · 5 months
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Fanny, my sweet, beautiful girl
17.11.2012 – 14.04.2019
#my art#artists on tumblr#I cannot accept that it has been 5 years already#I know covid messed with everyone’s sense of time but it simultaneously feels so much longer and so much shorter than that#exactly five years ago I was holding onto my mom for dear life and sobbing as we watched lilo and stitch together#not the best movie to watch when you’ve just lost your first ever pet you know#and then I cried myself to sleep at the next morning we never mentioned her again#I know it’s because it was way too painful for everyone involved. but I do wish I was allowed to process that grief properly#instead of bottling it up and pretending everything was okay until I was reminded of her#feeling like my heart was being shattered over and over again every single time#well anyway. enough of that. I’ve allowed myself a nice long cry today and got most of it out of my system#and once I was feeling okay I decided to draw her#and I can count the number of times I’ve drawn animals on one hand so.. I’m not too sure about the result#but it felt like to commemorate her in some way.#so yeah. here she is. my dear girl. the best dog in existence. she was always so affectionate and kind#which I didn’t always appreciate bc of how young I was. when you’re a kid it feels like pets will live forever#never barked. never bit anyone. her only crime was chewing on my mlp and lps toys that I left out on the floor#but I’m grateful she did that. it taught me not to leave my toys lying around and to clean up after myself#she really was taken from me way too soon. ideally she could still be alive right now. but I’ve been down the road of guilt and regret#there was nothing I could do. I was a child. I can only hope that she knew she was loved right until the very end#even if I didn’t know how to show it properly. and great. now I’m tearing up again#I suppose it’s unavoidable. April 12th will always be a melancholy day. and maybe that’s not such a bad thing#it’s good to have a day when I can freely remember her and cry if I need to. it’s healthy. it’s better than crying every day#she never liked it much when I cried. always tried to comfort me. that’s the kind of dog she was. I miss her so much#when I move apartments and get a dog of my own I’m getting a spaniel. just like she was#well. maybe a different colour so I don’t end up sobbing every time I look at it. but spaniels really are the perfect breed#I mean. cavaliers especially were bred for love and warmth. that’s just what I need. it will be nice to have someone waiting for me at home#and while I don’t necessarily believe in the afterlife… I do hope that Fanny’s watching over me#spiritually comforting me when I feel all alone in the world. it’s a nice thought for sure#and hopefully she won’t mind me getting another spaniel too much. it will be done in her honour after all. to make up for my past mistakes
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szczylpierdolony · 6 months
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life is falling through my fingers more that usually
#i’ve been in a pretty much constant state of panic since january#and it’s gotten worse recently bc of 1. thesis writing (or lack thereof)#2. administrative problems at uni that i caused due to the constant state of anxiety and depression#like whyyyy do things like going to the uni office send me spiraling like nothing else#and i’ve been feeling weird and disconnected for a while now and nothing seems to interest me anymore#like i’m light headed in the worst way and i think if one thing goes badly i’ll genuinely fall down crying#and i can’t seem to do anything productive bc of the anxiety either#ok i checked usos. the administrative problem got more or less solved#oh thank god#i love depression loveee it love causing problems for myself that i later have to bother other people about bc i can’t solve them by myself#esp when you have to admit to them that mental illness is what caused them bc even when they’re sympathetic and nice about it i still feel#like such a pathetic idiot my god#also i’ve been thinking a lot abt how a pattern that repeats in my life is the lack of closure#from silly things to more serious ones#like how i didn’t attend my elementary school graduation nor the hs one#the first one bc of travelling and the second bc of covid#so i just closed my laptop and then went to pick up my diploma after matura results and that was it i never saw any of my teachers or#thanked them etc#and how all my friendships that died out were this kind of sudden drop like nothing happened but we just stopped talking one day and that#was it and idk where we stand#and how i seem to leave loose threads everywhere i go and i can’t tell if it’s just a coincidence or if i do that on purpose but#unconciously so as to not have to deal with things ending bc that scares me#i’ve never felt grounded in any moment and it’s so strange#also yeah yeah weird behaviour meant to save me from abandonment whatever#📓#niedziela wieczór i humor popsuty co mogę powiedzieć
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mars-ipan · 8 months
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you guys have no idea the amt of self control i have exhibited this morning
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