#I’ve had enough of this current one I’ll actually go insane

[the-winds-of-destiny-xxx]

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[sinnabarmoth]

Worthy of Devotion (5/9)

Pairing: Sea God|Rafayel x Worshipper|Reader (fem)

Summary: An encounter in the library leaves Reader and Rafayel reeling with emotions they don't know how to maneuver.

Content Warnings: Adult language.

Length: 2k

Chapters: (1) (2) (3) (4) (6) (7) (8) (9)

Read on AO3

~~~

“You really need to take better care of yourself.”

“For goodness sake, Raf, it was one bad fish. You’re acting like I intentionally poisoned myself.” You were back up and moving but still taking things slow since you still needed to replenish all the fluids you lost during your unfortunate vomit festival the other day.

“You might as well have. I thought you were smart enough to know when a fish was rotten.”

“It didn’t look rotten! It didn’t taste rotten. I thought it was fine. How many times do we have to go over this?”

“I just think that you should still be resting.”

“I’ve been resting for days. If I stay in bed any long I am going to go insane. Besides, you say you want me to rest but what I think you mean is you want to use me as a pillow so you can take a nap.” You were currently in the library reordering the books. The previous system these tomes and scrolls were categorized in was baffling. Did the previous followers just stuff them wherever they could find an open slot?

Rafayel was following behind you with a stack of books in his arms. “You have proven surprisingly comfortable.”

“I think you just like that I play with your hair.”

“That as well.” he handed you another book to put on the shelf. “So what do you say? Quick half an hour nap?”

“Maybe after we finish reshelving this section.”

“Ugh.” he dropped the books and plopped himself on the ground. “All you ever do is work. Do you hate fun or something?”

“If you’re going to be dramatic can you not take it out on the books? I had those already ordered.” you sighed and started picking them back up.

“Stop working.” he grabbed you by the arm and pulled you down onto the floor with him.

“At the rate you want me to go I’ll probably have this temple rebuilt and reorganized in a couple years instead of a couple months.”

“And what’s so wrong with that? A couple years away from the noise of civilization. Just the peace and the quiet.”

“Peace and quiet? Am I supposed to get that here because there is this very whiny god that keeps coming by to disturb me.” you gave a little flick to his nose.

“And what god could this be?”

“Well he’s tall, wears a lot of jewelry, pretty lazy, doesn’t like cats--”

“Ethereally handsome?”

“Actually I was going to say he can’t win a game of Jumping Shrimp to save his life.” you smirked at his annoyed expression.

“I think maybe this god is just letting you win at Jumping Shrimp.”

“No, he’s too competitive to hand me wins. Although, with how well he plays he might as well be.”

“Hmph,” Rafayel rolled over so his back was facing you.

“And he also loves to pout.” you poked the back of his head. “Raf, come on. I was just teasing.”

He scooched along the floor to put more space between you two. You rolled your eyes and scooted after him.

“Rafayel. Look at me. Please.” you poked him again. He didn’t turn.

“If you don’t look at me I’m gonna start being formal again. So turn around.” Again he didn’t move. “Rafayel. Your Radiance. Oh God of the Seas and bringer of storms. Will you please bless your devout follower with your gaze?”

Nothing.

“You big baby, will you look at me?” you pulled on his arm to get him to turn but he went rigid and pushed back so you couldn’t move him. “Oh how very mature. I’ll get you to look at me one way or another.”

You hovered over him trying to get a look at his face. He kept turning and turning until his face was flat against the floor. You groaned. “Rafayel! You’re just doing this to piss me off now.”

“Is it working?” he muttered into the stone floor.

“Yes!”

“Good.”

“You absolute--” A torrent of blasphemy waited on your tongue to be unsheathed so you could cut this childish god down to size.

You grabbed him and shoved him with all your might until he was flopped back on his back. “Ha!” He flopped back onto his side the second you got him on his back. “Oh no you don’t!”

You grabbed him again. The two of you began rolling around on the floor as you tried to get him to look at you. You had a leg hooked over him and was trying to get him under you so he would be forced to look at you.

“Raf, can you please just--ow!” you tugged your arm free of him. “Did you bite me?”

“Maybe.”

“You want to play dirty? Fine then.” You grabbed a handful of his hair and yanked.

“Ow! Ow! Ow! Let go!” he tried to pry your hands off.

“Not until you look at me!” You tugged his head back but he rolled again, like an alligator rending its prey. “Damn it, Rafayel! We are not doing this all day!”

With a final bout of strength you flipped him to his back, grabbed his wrists, and pinned them to the floor. You sat straddled across his waist, breathing heavily. Finally! You had him! You looked at his face but he had his eyes shut tight. You dropped your head. “Do you think you’re funny?”

“I don’t know. According to my “most devout follower” I’m a big lazy baby that can’t win a simple game of Jumping Shrimp. She said nothing about being funny.”

“It is a wonder that you are considered a god.” you muttered. “But fine, you win. Don’t look at me. Never look at me again. Who am I to deserve his fishy-ness’s holy gaze. That just means you don’t get to see me give you your apology. I was going to say I was sorry but since you won’t even look at me I don’t see the point. Oh well. I guess we are to be strangers from now on.” You let go of him.

It was then he decided to open his eyes. You turned your gaze away. Rafayel sighed.

“Hey,” he said. “Look at me.”

“No. If I am unworthy to be looked upon by you then I am surely not worthy to look upon you either.”

“Yet sitting on me doesn’t seem to be an issue.” he tried turning your face to him but you squeezed your eyes shut like he had.

You felt him shift as he sat up. You tried to move off his lap but his arms circled around you, keeping you in place. His hands had decided to settle on your hips. They burned through the thin material of your clothes as if you wore none at all. “Clownfish, look at me.” he crooned.

“No.” You weren’t looking at him for an entirely new reason now.

“My little human,” he said, his voice a gentle whisper. “I’d like it very much if you would open your eyes now.”

You shook your head. You prayed that he couldn’t hear how hard your heart was beating.

He grabbed your hand and crossed it over your chest to cover your heart. “I can’t hear a thing. I promise.”

Damn it! Stop praying!

“I’m sorry for angering you and for making you uncomfortable…and for biting.” You could hear a hint of humor in his voice. “That’s not the type of god you deserve.” You felt a gentle brush of his lips against your cheek.

You forced your eyes back open and found his intense gaze settled on you. “It’s alright…” you mumbled, “I’m sorry for teasing you and wrestling you and pulling your hair. You deserve a better follower than that.” He seemed to be waiting for something.

Your hands were still resting over your racing heart. You leaned forward, your eyes traitorously drifting to his lips for just a moment. When your gaze flicked back to his that blazing fire was back in his eyes. Your breath caught.

“Cor meum…” he murmured, his face so close you could feel his breath brush against your lips.

You turned your head and kissed his cheek before leaping off his lap and grabbing a random armful of scrolls off a nearby table. “I need to go shelve these before I lose the afternoon light!” you shouted over your shoulder and fled. Fled like a coward.

~~~

Rafayel was stuck to the floor, helplessly staring in the direction you ran away.

By the tides…what was he doing?

He touched a hand to his lips. The feel of your skin against them was burned into his memory now. So was the way your legs felt straddled across him. The way your hand gripped his hair, even if it did hurt. Then to feel your own lips press to his face…

He had thought for a moment that you had a different target in mind when he saw you leaning in. He didn’t miss the way your eyes flicked to his mouth. Had he been too eager? Had you seen something that frightened you? Maybe all of it frightened you. Maybe whatever this was becoming, these feelings that grew every day between you, they were all too much.

You hadn’t asked for any of this when you decided to leave the mainland. You hadn’t expected to actually meet him or to be stuck on this island for weeks. Closer to months now. He certainly hadn’t expected to keep returning. He could have sent a number of emissaries from Lemuria to deliver you food and clothes and other needed supplies. He didn’t need to stop by almost every day to see you, talk to you, play with you. He shouldn’t have been. There were duties in Lemuria he was shirking every time he came here.

Yet the days he stayed away were the loneliest yet. All he wanted was to return to the temple and find you. To be greeted by your smile and your cheerful voice. To lay next to you, his head in your lap as your hands ran through his hair, expelling all the worries that came with running a kingdom.

When you said that he was keeping you from working, that at the rate he kept you at you wouldn’t be done repairing the temple for years. He wanted it. He wanted to keep you here. The thought that in a short couple months you could just be gone, this temple empty once again, haunted by your presence…

Cor meum.

It had just slipped out. You were so warm in his hands, smelled so sweet, and he just wanted to keep you there forever. Cor meum. My heart.

[spadesncrows]

ok so abt that au i was talking abt before,,, 🥺👉👈

To start off, this is something I’ve had in the back of my mind for quite a bit that I haven’t been able to fully express and show due to reasons I’ll mention later. This project has lowkey given me some brainrot so I hope my words don’t just sound like I’m going clinically insane LMAOO i swear I’m so definitely normal abt my aus guys (denial)

Dead Casino is a twst au I’ve had for a while but has been on the backburner for being very unfinished. However, since it’s a little (keyword: little) bit more fleshed out, I think I can at least give a general summary on the concept !! :D

First off, the concept behind it was a direct inspiration from mlp infection aus I’ve seen on insta. Since mlp was a large chunk of my childhood and certain variants of horror had become an interest of mine as of late, I liked the idea of mixing them together. But—of course—when I enjoy something just enough, it eventually becomes a feeling of “how can I forcefully throw it in with my current obsession into the mind equivalent of a blender” and Dead Casino was the smoothie that came out of it. Essentially, the resulting foundation is that NRC experiences a zombie apocalypse, but as with most things I obsess over, I wanted to build on that.

To get into the nitty gritty of it first, there’s a few core things abt the infection that basically effect not only what the characters face, but the story itself:

The infection is primarily based off of blot, and the concept of it using something/someone as a vessel to control and harm others

While blot zombies are the most common creature plaguing the school, blot has the capability to take over different objects as well when under specific circumstances, which leads to the creation of (mostly) nonhuman blot infested monsters

Over-accumulation of blot can lead to an increased vulnerability to the infection. This especially targets those that have overblotted prior to the outbreak, even if they had seemingly “fully recovered” :)

As for the story, I don’t wanna get super into it just bc yknow spoilers, but the general overview is relatively simple(ish). Basically, it folllows Ace and the rest of his group of survivors (mostly Cater, Trey and Jade) after the initial outbreak on campus. I wanna say anywhere from a month to a month and a half?? Basically enough time to be at least a little more accustomed to everything going on if that makes sense !!

Ace and co. take refuge in classrooms near the cafeteria, but just like everyone else, is not allowed to leave the safezone unless permitted. Surprise surprise, he leaves the safezone not permitted. In fact he does this multiple times through the first couple chapters alone. And the whole story.

But essentially, Ace manages to figure out two things the first time he leaves the safezone in the prologue:

That there are living survivors in Heartslabyul trapped there under the rule of their infected housewarden, which—by extension—likely means the situation may be the same in other dorms

That both Deuce Spade and Grim—who he hadn’t seen since the outbreak and assumed were dead—were actually alive and MIA.

And that basically kickstarts the rest of the story !! The main group infiltrates different dorms in the hopes of reconnecting with any survivors, all while trying to solve the mystery of their old friends’ whereabouts :)

Now the reason why a good chunk of this au was pretty much kept under wraps was for one main reason specifically: I had zero clue how to present it.

My initial thought was “oh!! Fanfic :3” and then it scrambled into “…comic? Animation? No?? Both?? Neither??”

…and then it kinda just sat there. I had the story, I had the idea, I had the biggest brainrot, but no way to properly explain or show it. And then I got the thought that plagues me every single time—at least once—I join a fandom: make it a video game.

At first, i wasn’t going to. But then it clicked into place just a bit too well and the ideas kept coming together and it wouldn’t stop and now we’re here :3

More specifically, Dead Casino is gonna be portrayed as a desktop game ^^ (i took like two game dev classes, sue me /j)

here’s some ideas for different mechanics I thought of including !! They’re all on my spam blog, but I have a third blog in the works rn where I’ll have all the info organized eventually :3

[1], [2], [3]

And here’s some irl doodles I’ve made for this!! These are beta designs and the like for different characters and stuff !! (Tw for body horror, knifes and guns, lmk if I need to add any more warnings ^^)

[collectionofsinglefathers]

so this one is gonna get a bit more personal than I usually like to get but I have a bad habit of just not talking about my mental health period so like. I don’t know, I guess I wanna try to break that? and also I’ve wanted to in general start posting here more, not specifically about personal stuff but like anything, which is why i’ve been sporadically posting about me writing and stuff like that. but general content warnings, and I’m gonna tag these too so dw, but yeah general content warning up top for depression and anxiety. ALSO, a spoiler warning (which i’ll also put in the tags) for the ending of the first campaign and the third campaign of critical role since this is gonna be centered around that. now I haven’t actually watched the finale of c3, I have avoided literally everything about it so far except for the tailgate stream which i watched almost all of earlier today during my lunch break, but the spoiler warning is more for the earlier Vox Machina centric episodes. and normally, this many years on, I wouldn’t bother putting a spoiler warning for the first campaign, but with the animated show, in case there are new viewers for the campaign or in case there are people who don’t wanna know what happens at the end of c1 because of the animated show, I wanted to make sure I also put a spoiler warning for c1 as well, just to cover all my bases.

NOW. I'm not gonna get into any specific details about my personal struggles, but I have dealt with some level of depression or anxiety for a good portion of my life. the farthest back that I can remember an actual thing where I'm like "oh yeah that was probably depression" is when I was in sixth grade, and for context I'm going to turn 30 this year. there was a time, before I got into CR, where I was both unemployed AND no longer going to school of any kind (college didn't work out for me). in fact, the period of time when I stopped school/was out of work and me getting a job finally was 2 years, and in that time I was NOT in a good place mentally. not in any danger to myself but definitely not doing great. but in that time, I found critical role.

fun fact, I actually found it through a cosplayer I liked on vine at the time. this guy I followed would cosplay as some of the characters, and I had followed them because he also was quite a good singer and I thought he was funny, so when he started posting CR cosplay videos, I looked it up, and that's where I had first discovered it. I watched the first couple of episodes and was HOOKED IMMEDIATELY. I remember, for three weeks straight, it was the only thing I watched as I binged through the first campaign in order to catch up to be current with the campaign (which funnily enough was episode 69). and the character I connected to the most (mostly due to aesthetic if I'm being honest, and also because he was my favorite voice actor at the time) was Vax.

fast forward to the final arc of the first campaign, where they first face off against Vecna, and Vax dies. I remember just laying on my living room floor staring up at the ceiling in absolutely shock and horror at how that fight played out. and obviously, if you have watched c1, you know how that goes for him. he comes back, but temporarily, and is dead dead by the last episode, and I was a WRECK during the c1 finale because of that.

Vax was already my favorite, but when I got to the beginning of the chroma conclave arc, where you see Vax at first really struggling with what they're even doing anymore, to then almost losing his sister and having this insane downward spiral mentally before pulling out of it... It kind of hit a bit close to home for me, because of how much I was also going through it. and watching Vax be able to get out of his own bad place really helped me get out of mine. so when he died at the end of c1, it really fucked me up. not in a way where I was like, upset at the cast or matt or anything like that. but like. c1 is my favorite campaign, but I have never once been able to rewatch or relisten past the briarwood arc because every time I get to the point where keyleth and vax talk at the sun tree about their feelings, I just can't do it. it's far too close to home for me.

now fast forward A LOT OF TIME. to the end of c3. now, I had been in and out of keeping up with c3. not because of me not enjoying it or being frustrated like I've seen other people talk about when it comes to this campaign. it's been because of my mental health, and how I've been dealing with it for the past year, year and a half I'd say. but as the campaign has started to reach a climax to the end, I decided to finally buckle down and get through it because I knew that I wanted to watch it, it was just a matter of DOING IT. and I actually listened to a good amount of this campaign, but when I finally got to the VM episodes, I actually needed to watch. and actually, what I did, it reminded me a lot of when I was binging c1, just in a much shorter amount of time. for an entire weekend, I watched nothing but critical role. and when I got to the last VM episode of this final stretch, when matt put vax's mini on the board after they freed him from the malleus key. I straight up had to pause the episode because I started sobbing. like full on heaving full body sobbing. I was trying so hard to stay quiet because I was so worried that others in my household were going to be worried about me, that's how hard I was crying.

because Vax means a lot to me. he's very, very close to my heart. he will forever live in my mind and my soul. I have a lot of vague ideas for tattoos that I want to eventually get and for a very long time I thought I would want my first one to be a lotr tattoo but I actually thought about it more recently and I want it to actually be the vax tattoo idea I had planned, which was a general idea I had for something to do with raven feathers and snowdrop flowers, and maybe also a dagger. he's really, really important to me. I get emotional just thinking about how important he is to me. I'm emotional right now writing this.

now like I said, I haven't watched the finale to c3 yet. I probably won't fully finish it until some time this weekend cuz. ya know. 8 and a half hours long. but I have been thinking a lot about things that marisha and liam said in that final 4 sided dive, and about things that were said in the cooldown for that last VM episode when they destroyed the malleus key. and I've been trying really really REALLY REALLY hard to not get my hopes up about the possibility of VM being able to keep vax, because I know if I let myself get too hopeful about it and it doesn't happen, it'll fucking WRECK me real bad. but I also know that I'm gonna be fucked up either way so.

I don't know if I'm gonna end up liveblogging me watching the finale. we'll see. either way, I'm definitely gonna be not checking any notifications on here for this post, or any post I might make while watching the finale, just in case someone reads this and decides to be a dick and send me spoilers. but in any case. I just wanted to say all that somewhere, and I don't know if I quite have the courage yet to say ALL of that to someone I actually know (I've already said some of it to my best friend, but not everything).

but that's it. wish me luck, as I am now about to start watching the finale.

[glitteredbubbles]

I am seizing the opportunity to get insight into the inner workings of the skilled fic writer and I am here for the Yaps (yawps?). With that, 2 & 15 for Afterglow and - I appreciate this is a WIP so all cannot be yet revealed but - 5 & 1 for Some Kind of Poem. Annnddd also being cheeky and asking about the approach to writing - what does your planning and drafting process look like? I'm all ears >:)

OMG thank you so much for this ask!! I’m always happy to talk about my fics, though I’m not sure how much of a “skilled fic writer” I am haha. Folding this since this post is going to be entirely too long, consider yourself warned :)

2 for Let Me Wallow in Your Afterglow: What scene did you first put down?

My Google doc for the fic is too large for me to be able to look through the version history to know for sure (it’s 285 pages long lmao), but I’m pretty sure the first scene I wrote was the opening scene! At that point, I really hadn’t planned much of the fic but was too excited about writing to stop myself, so I wrote a scene to situate the characters and establish their dynamics for my sake. Sorry for the boring answer!

15 for Let Me Wallow in Your Afterglow: What did you learn from writing this fic?

Ooh this is a tough one. This fic is easily the longest piece I’ve ever written, so I think it helped me learn more about the importance of pacing? I would lay out what I wanted from each chapter in very bare bones, such as writing (not enough Poets; add an interaction here) or (Keating lesson here), and then I had to learn through trial and error how to rearrange it so each scene flowed in a way that made sense and wasn’t too repetitive. Hopefully it worked!

1 for I Read You for Some Kind of Poem: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

Hmm there were a lot of odd factors which came together for this fic. I first got the idea way back in 2021, but it was originally for Reddie (Eddie as the famous poet, Richie as an annoying neighbor), and fun fact: the first scene in the fic is repurposed from that draft! I ended up abandoning the fic though because I couldn’t think of how to keep Eddie and Richie interacting since it was an AU where they’d never met before. I had completely forgotten about it until I was brainstorming possible ideas for a Todd-centric fic, and everything just seemed too perfect! Todd being a poet made so much sense and Neil being a doctor was just the cherry on top, and their history solved my issue from before which was not having enough reason to interact!

As for how I’m writing it, I would say I mainly wanted to try writing from Todd’s perspective since I had just done 126k words from Neil’s haha. I also wanted to venture into what I might write if I ever became an actual author, so my intention for this fic was to write something that felt sadly very real, hence the subject matter. As for the plot twist, I could not resist it once I thought of it since I thought it’d really lend itself to the sad tone I was attempting.

5 for I Read You for Some Kind of Poem: What part was hardest to write?

We’re drifting into unknown territory here because I think I’m currently undergoing the hardest part to write! Of course the plot twist scene was something I wanted to get perfect for the best possible impact, but now I’m trying to make sure I’m ending this fic with the seriousness and intention it deserves. I’m trying to make sure a lot of topics are covered and are being handled delicately, and it’s definitely proving to be a juggling act of moving around a lot of scenes, deleting dialogue, and inserting new interactions. I still need to tackle the final scenes, but I’m avoiding them for the time being because it’s going to be some of the saddest stuff I’ll ever write, so I need to be in the right headspace for it.

Additional question: What does your planning and drafting process look like?

Okay so this is going to be hectic because my writing process is insane. First, I get the idea for the fic and have that at the top of my document. I add whatever specific scenes/ideas to it as I go along, and I consider it a grounding reference to make sure I don’t stray too far from the initial plot. I usually don’t do this, but if I’m really stuck, I’ll include a character mentality/motivation paragraph to keep the actions in character.

For planning chapters, I separate by scene and include a little spiel about what happens and what the purpose is. An example from Some Kind of Poem for the first scene of chapter two: (They get coffee, they bond more, maybe think of another event to happen here? They agree for Neil to come visit the cabin since he doesn’t know the area it’s in, wanting to see what a poet’s habitat truly looks like, and Todd tries to ignore the bags under his eyes.)

I try to keep these vague so the story can still breathe and take on whatever form it wants if the characters take over while I’m writing out the scene. As I edit my fic, I delete these little headers when a scene is complete to mark my progress and make it ready to upload!

That’s as far as I go for planning haha. For drafting, I like to have those scene ideas ready so I can jump to whichever section I want and write when I get the inspiration for it. This way, I can keep up my writing momentum while not having to write linearly. Sometimes I repeat information which requires more editing later on, but I consider it a necessary sacrifice since I never want to waste a moment when I don’t have writer’s block haha.

I am sorry for how long-winded this response is, but hopefully this answers all of your questions! Thanks for giving me an excuse to blab about my fics :)

[sweetest-honeybee]

I'm going to be starting my very first commissions soon! I am very excited but do you have any tips on what I should and shouldn't do?

Oh that’s very exciting! Hmm I have a post somewhere but I’ll just answer anyways 😂 This is gonna be insanely long

- Don’t be disappointed if you don’t get a huge amount of people asking at first. It’s all about drawing people in and growing an audience! If you don’t have an audience yet, it’s always worth it to market and advertise pretty well. Multiple social medias, using common tags, promoting in say, is discord server if you’re in one or something, all that jazz

- Pricing is very difficult and it’ll fluctuate and change over time. You’re not gonna get it down first try, and they’ll change with your workflow and what you realize you can and can’t do/handle! Personally, I took the amount of time I take on each canvas and estimated some average times (I.e. a rendered bust takes me 1.5-2 hours) and multiplied that by ah, $30 I think at first? And then doubled my prices later down the road

- Additionally however, pricing in such a way that you make good money for your time is important but, and I can’t stress this enough, PLEASE consider the people you’re advertising your work to and who follows you, what communities you’re in, etc. For myself, I’ve recently began to aim for higher quality clients who can pay more all at once and so I can get more money with less commissions stacked in my queue. Thus why my lowest price is still quite high. If you want more frequent clients, most often it’s best to keep your prices relatively low but still good value for you. Again, it’s all about finding that balance and figuring out your workflow

- Speaking of workflow, there’s no one right way to do commissions. Your process is your own and from my experience, I’ve gone through a bunch of different processes with different people! Haha, I’ve even signed a contract once to really seal the deal on the terms and conditions. Make it your own! Be as professional as you feel the need to or not. Do whatever makes you comfortable as long as it’s not at the expense of the client, of course

- You may or may not be contacted by spam bots and other accounts about your work. Believe me, it’ll happen once or twice that you might be scammed if you’re not careful (it’s happened to me twice) but if I could say, it’s usually accounts with names that don’t match their icons, using little/terrible punctuation and very automated repsonses, requesting work that’s not what you do usually, requesting work of family members/pets, offering very large sums of money, whatever else. Just be safe!

- Hmmm what else….

- Make sure you have plenty of examples of your work and the style of art/coloring that you’re advertising. If you’re offering something new, just get like 3-4 examples in and have a consistent process before having people pay money for it. I love my current rendering style but I had to wait til I had a few to know how I wanted to go about offering it as a new coloring style and how it’s different from what I would typically do

- Some clients are definitely rude and pester. It’s okay to put your foot down and say you’re not comfortable working with them. Personally, I offer up other artists if that’s the case (within reason, I don’t send rude people generally but sometimes clients get frustrated with you because you’re not the kind of artists they’ll end up wanting to work with) or if I’m just not able to do a commission because it’s, for example, out of my skill level or something. Always good to send people to artists who are open for work

- I’m actually learning this myself but if you’re working with someone who’s well known (I.e. I worked with good ol Xisumavoid), having T&Cs is useful for those larger clients. Xisuma actually gave me his terms and conditions to fill out in the invoices so if the client has that as well, it works that way too! And again, if you have questions or you’re uncomfortable by someone else’s T&Cs, say that! Believe me, they’ll work with you if they truly intend to use your work (bless that man, he was so kind and transparent about the whole process)

- Of courses you are just starting out but you never know!

That’s pretty much he main stuff. Just make sure it’s seen and clear, you’re valued and understand your value, and that everything you’ll be doing is all up to you. If you have artists friends (or myself) that you’d ever need input from, give them (or me) a holler! This is all just me, other artists have more or different ways they’d suggest going about things so if you don’t agreed with anything I’ve said, that’s alright 😌

[violencewithwings]

January 2024 reading wrap-up

If you’ll notice, I read very few books this month (especially compared to December, but even compared to my usual 6 books minimum a month). I am currently in the throes and insanity of first love, so I might not read much for the first few months of this year. I do miss reading, but how am I supposed to fall in love with book men when I have a gorgeous, sweet man right in front of me?

Books read ˋ°•*⁀➷ 4

Books DNFed ˋ°•*⁀➷ 0

Five-star books ˋ°•*⁀➷ 4

Fourth Wing (reread) - Rebecca Yarros

January 11th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I’ve been anticipating this reread for a while. I couldn’t wait to be re-immersed in the world and see how differently the book read after reading Iron Flame. I was not disappointed, and in fact, I gave this book a higher star rating than I did on my first read. This world is very easy to get obsessed with and immersed in, and I still love Violet’s character so much. Rereading this book also made me appreciate Xaden’s intimidating front so much more than I did originally. I was able to fully sink into the present in the book instead of worry about what was coming, and I really enjoyed it.

Rereading the end of this book made me realize that most of the issues people complain about “popping up” in the second book (aka Violet and Xaden arguing) actually started at the end of the first book pretty much as soon as they got into a relationship. This shifted my perspective of the second book quite a bit, honestly. This was also the first book I tabbed as I read as well, so it was a new and fun experience for me. I can’t wait to read the next book.

The Lightning Thief - Rick Riordan

January 21st, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

So, fun fact: this was my best friend’s favorite series when we were in elementary and middle school, but I had serious anxiety as a kid and couldn’t read anything more tense than Amelia Bedilia until I was about thirteen. I tried reading this series about four years ago but it kind of bored me? Reading it now, I’m completely unsure why, but I digress. Me and my brothers are watching the show, and being in my reading era, I decided I wanted to read the books too, and now the four of us are reading the books together as well 😆

This book was so much fun. Percy’s inner monologue took a little bit of time to get used to since I’m used to reading books from the perspective of teenage girls and adult women, but he was a very fun character to follow. I’ve always loved Greek Mythology, so getting to read a modern book with the gods was very intriguing. I thought the world was very immersive and the characters were fun. I can’t wait to see how this story progresses over the next few books.

On a side note: I can’t imagine Percy as anything other than Walker with his curly blond hair and blue eyes. Annabeth was a bit harder since Percy describes her so often in the books, but she’s kind of just a blurry haze in my head 😂

The Sea of Monsters - Rick Riordan

January 24th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

If you’d told me I was going to be eating up a middle grade book series this year, I’d have laughed in your face. This book was so good. Tyson has to be my favorite character in the whole series so far. He’s so adorable 😭

This book, like most middle grade books, was slightly predictable. It doesn’t help that I’ve gotten probably at least one spoiler for each book, but that didn’t make the reading of it any less fun. Percy and Annabeth’s relationship is progressing a bit, and I love to see it. They trust each other a bit more in each book.

One thing I really loved about this book is that it was only 280 pages 😆 I needed a short read tonight that I could wrap up before I went to bed, and this delivered! I’m chomping at the bit to read the next book, but alas, it’s still on hold at the library. I’ll get my hands on it soon enough…

Destroy the Day - Brigid Kenmerer

January 29th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This book was everything and more I wanted out of a final book in this series…I mean…COME ON! For one, I LOVE Harristan, and we got a whole lot more of him in this book. I was eating those chapters UP!

Corrick and Lochlan had a lovely bonding in this book after being at odds with each other for the entire series, so that was nice! I really appreciate that they were able to get over their hatred for each other eventually and become really close friends 😭 the last chapter with them at the end is so near and dear to my heart, you don’t understand.

I won’t get into the nitty gritty of this plot because that was on the back burner in this story. What I LOVED about this book was the romance Harristan got. He and the person he ended up with were two characters I had been hoping something would happen between for a while and then out of nowhere - it happened! I squealed when they kissed for the first time. I’m so glad they got their happily ever after because that is truly all I ever wanted for them <3

I love this book. Read this series, I promise it’s good.

[bvannn]

Weekly Update June 7, 2024

I’m in a sour mood right now because I got differed from plasma over paperwork. I’ll try a different chain next week, since the one I’ve been going to is super crowded now anyway. We also got a cat this week, that was the correct answer to the post on Saturday. It’s my mom’s cat, but mom has been out most of this week so I’ve been left alone with her. I’ve been really tired. Like insanely tired. But I still got a good amount of stuff done.

Artfight stuff: I’m planning on revamping the thumbnails and redoing Romeo’s refsheet, plus adding Josh. Luckily at work this week I was put on a job that’s pretty relaxed as far as timing goes, and I have lots of little gaps of time to draw while I wait for the balance to stabilize. As a result I got Romeo and Josh’s refsheets sketched, as well as all the thumbnails planned + several sketched. Tomorrow I’ll try to get some of those rendered.

Comic stuff: Comic is going to be on the back burner this month and next most likely, but I did finish off page 7 and started sketching page 8, which I plan to continue slowly. Every once in a while I’ll get stunlocked with indecisiveness and what I’ve been doing to combat it is 15 sit-ups and then roll a wheel of small tasks and do whatever it says, then repeat until free time is over. So it’s still getting done in those little bursts where I don’t have enough time for something bigger.

Music: another quickie is generally done, but I’m going to hold off on it until I decide to do lyrics for it, because it would probably be perfect for an animation meme if I add some quick generic poppy lyrics. Like I can just channel my rage into a couple stanzas and call it good. I really want to release songs specifically for animation memes because I like newgrounds and respect newgrounds’ copyright policy so I want to make some nice music for animation memes that’s copyright safe for whoever to use with credit. Also still making progress on re-mixing my older tracks, OEB needed a complete redo, some VSTs needed to be swapped out entirely, plug I’m learning a bunch of fancy new tricks, so good chance I’ll post another sample of that once I get it figured out. Unsure if I need to actually redo the vocaloid track or just to redo the effects, but I can figure that out after the instrumentals are done.

Also got a good amount of lyric writing done, RR is 88% done, BATB is still a cool 71%. I’m getting into the groove of doing that at work too, so hopefully those should be done quick, plus the quickie I have on hold. Once I have energy I’ll also finish up that other quickie and the Zelda medley I’ve had in the pipe, hopefully that’ll be this weekend, but good chance it’ll be Monday night.

Other things: OEB is at 32% on storyboards, and like 17% on the Kyo rig. A whole bunch of assets are done but need to be imported/exported, plus I’m taking a couple shortcuts too to make things a bit easier, and I can flesh out the rig more as I use it more. Also, my strategy for the sketchy lines is a success! I may also be able to apply it to other areas and fix the issue of flash being shit for drawing, but that’s a bit ambitious. I’ll try chipping away at having the rest of the clip assets *drawn* by the end of the month so I can import/export them at work next month. But again that’s currently in the ‘if I have a little free time’ bracket of priority.

Miscellaneous: I’m getting a couple TTRPG things done too, little bit of writing, little bit of drawing, again not too high a priority but it’s getting done.

Tonight I’m tired and in a bad mood so I’m going to just chip away at re-mixing OEB tonight and maybe sketch a comic panel or two. Maybe. I have one more regular general drawing I want to get done before the end of the month but I don’t know when that’s coming, this weekend I’ll try to focus on Artfight stuff, with breaks in between to spin the wheel of small tasks I need to accomplish. Lots of housekeeping, hopefully next week is kind to me with plasma so I get more time.

[viiridiangreen]

I’ve been neglecting the shit out of my destiny page + streams and stuff... but uh, for once it’s actually a positive?? I’ve officially survived my first month of full time half-remote office job & I’m currently making SOUMP

My partner Q is away with their dad talking about a gig at said dad’s company, & next weekend he’s also taking him to get looked at by the ophtalmologist again.

Q has been unable to work or do much of anything they enjoy for about three years on account of an undx’d eye condition. They’re a photographer... among other things that benefit from being able to look at stuff without debilitating pain. Hoping the doctor is finally able to help them.

We’re uhhh also about to buy a motorbike. Which is scary but also pretty exciting.

Sooo in addition to having gone from a part-time paid intern to a legit employee with double the salary plus insurance & bonuses, I won’t be the single earner anymore & we’ll have an actual method of transportation to our name, so we can go downtown without spending 1/8 of my monthly earnings on the round trip like before.

I haven’t needed to supply my income with the rent-an-egirl site, thinking of taking it up again & returning to Twitch too but focusing on building a comfortable space & striking a sustainable rhythm, remaining mindful of my comfort rather than like,, desperately trying to make enough to eat lol. Also any earnings from that are gonna go towards treats / personal projects / actual never-before-seen savings. Like this month I did empty out my acct bc the transitional period between internship and employment was fucking wild and we also had a friend staying with us before that so expenses kinda piled up. But. Apparently I’ll start to have an actual small surplus to stash away for emergencies soon.

Which means!! I can start thinking of updating the remaining fossil-like pieces on my PC, then maybe even getting a whole new one so I can do a better quality & more secure dual-machine stream & create Content(TM) from my gameplay more easily. I wanna learn 3D modeling too, start making custom VRChat avatars or Vtubers and whatnot.

And also!!! Tattooing equipment. And like my first actual tattoos for myself (I’ve done four for other folks, have none myself, mostly bc I want big large blackwork pieces that wrap around the body instead of just sitting in a little corner of it like a sticker. not that those aren’t cute but yeah). Q can probably get their arm piece touched up (it’s been on hiatus since they got it in JANUARY 2020 LMAO) and get the spine piece they’ve thought about so much.

Maybe we can even get a Little Guy To Live Alongside Us in the next few years???? Like an actual pet (which I’ve never ever had btw even as I’m a very Bonkers Over Animals person). While being confident that we can cover the costs of a good QOL for them ?!?!?! Insane.

TL;DR Shit’s going suspiciously well and I’m already plotting my eventual return to tattooing :3c

[wexpyke]

.

this past year has actually been so crazy, like… it started with me taking a long, proper break from my MA thesis, which turned into me finally admitting i shouldn’t have chosen this degree and i’m incapable of finishing it at this current moment in time. maybe (hopefully) i’ll do it at some point in the future, when i feel better, but we’ll see. i just can’t force myself, because that’s only ever had a negative impact.

i’ve also had to come to terms with how much of an impact the crippling loneliness i experienced for the vast majority of 2020, 2021, and 2022 has had on me. i’m not really in a place yet where i can fix it, which is incredibly frustrating because i so badly want to fix it. it still affects me to this day and no one in my environment seems to truly understand it.

tried to get back into my old hobbies, like reading, writing, and messing around in photoshop. mostly succeeded, for about half the year.

in june i lost my dog whom i love(d) more than i can describe. we only had him for a year, but he was my fucking rock. he was the reason i got out of bed in the morning, the reason i managed to drag my ass outside and go for a proper walk in the woods & by the seaside, and the reason i smiled every day. i still miss him so much.

i attended my sister’s wedding, went on a disastrous holiday with my bf, and we chose to adopt a new dog. taking care of him has been a lot. “i love you, but god, at what cost?!” has been my main feeling towards him for the past few months. i’ve had moments where i want to pull my hair out in frustration because of him, but i also love him so much. it’s been confusing.

for the past few months i’ve been half-assing (if not quarter-assing) finding a job, because there’s nothing in our kind of rural, small town i think i’d actually enjoy, and because of my mental health, i know i need to find something i’ll enjoy or i might ***.

had the worst birthday in recent memory. just, god. wish i could forget.

visited dublin with my bf. spent some time with his family. worried about ronan (our puppy) a lot.

oh! had a fucking breast cancer scare. and a terrible experience with the health care system here, again! had one in may too. so that’s great! that’s definitely making me want to reach out to them to try to see if i can get a referral for therapy!

just a week or two ago i got into the biggest fight i’ve ever been in with my sister, which ruined the family holiday and almost could’ve ended our relationship altogether. we talked it out after a few days and we’re all good now, but it was an insanely stressful week that was so incredibly emotionally draining. cannot emphasise enough how tired i still am from it all.

christmas was weird because of it. had some good food and wine, though, and got some nice presents.

finished my theon fic exchange fic, somehow. i hadn’t written anything since my dog died, because i fully lost all of my motivation to write and my enjoyment in writing. i enjoyed writing it. hopefully i’ll be able to get back into writing again.

read 13 books this year. my goal was 15. i really want to get back into reading, but alas. started the wheel of time series, though, so maybe that will help. reading all of those would already almost complete my goal for next year, lol.

i hope next year will be kinder. i really need it to be. i know i’ll try my best to be kinder; to myself and to others.

[crystalcatgamer]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Tag by @havenotwillnotreadthebooks, lo, Kefi!

How many works do you have on AO3?

122 🎵 I’ve orphaned and deleted a few along the years, though.

What fandoms do you write for?

Uhhhh. Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint (ORV), Boboiboy, Jujutsu Kaisen and more. Currently really, really fixated on One Piece though I haven’t written fic yet, but am cooking so much toxic doomed brothers food (Donquixote Bros)

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Vis la goddamn DSMP phase always going to be my biggest mark in the world. Excluding discontinued fics and stuff I’m not happy with anymore for now…

Run, run (Here comes the boy) 1415 kudos

May the odds (Be ever in your favour) 1203 kudos

There are days where I don’t know the person in the mirror (And there are days I don’t care) 1161 kudos

Hold you in my hands like hot tea 1155 kudos

Knowing I’m safe cause you want me 1052 kudos (A sequel to fourth place!)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I respond to every single comment I can, though sometimes I might miss some! I’ll catch them months later lmao. It’s always fun to chat with ppl about what’s in my fic

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I’ll call out your name, but you won’t call back. This is an ORV fic, doomed Doksoo (beloved) and since it’s canon compliant… yeah. ‘Twas full of angst that came from love.

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

The deep blue of summer nights. This was a cute ORV fic born of me wanting to write Secretive Plotter’s birthday being celebrated by ABFD, SWK and Uriel! They’re my fav rare dynamic

Do you get hate on fics?

I think the closest I got was some discourse on my DSMP fic? To be expected, and it was cleared up soon enough!

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I did like years ago lmao, tucked into the depths of the internet. Definitely not on main, for this is a family friendly account sir. It was fun in a way but also I hated writing it most of the time??? More of a reader than a writer I would say. As for what kind… while, I wrote what I liked ☆

Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I HAVE THREE (3) CROSSOVERS AND THEY’RE BOTH WITH JUJUTSU KAISEN. Maybe I’m more insane over JJK then I thought I was. In my defence they’re easy to cross. Okay so basically my craziest one is this ORV X JJK one (Something blue, something new) in which I wrote the ship Kim Dokja x Gojo Satoru because I was commissioned to

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope and I hope I never do!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I have not, but as long as people ask first I’m always open to it.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

A FNAF fic I wrote with Kefi (the one who pinged me for this game): Many vegetables, one soup, and a work full of original poems with @thenamelesshaven: You are made of the sea and the stars (and one day you are going to find yourself again)

What’s your all time favourite ship?

[glances at my art gallery] Recently, LawLu from One Piece and… Sharron/Maric from Lord Of The Mysteries

What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

We Shouldn’t Be This Kind Of Tired At Our Age! An ORV fic featuring Yoo Mia witnessing Yoo Joonghyuk’s changes with every turn!

What are your writing strengths?

Uhhhh. Being able to churn out stuff at the speed of light. And writing angst (lol)

What are your writing weaknesses?

Actually having a proper outline, ehe. It’s why I usually write one-shots.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Uhhhh I? Might do it some day? I’m just a bilingual guy who barely passed Chinese. It’s cool when other people who know what they’re writing about do it in their fics tho.

First fandom you wrote for?

Ehe. VIS LA BOKU NO HERO ACADEMIA (MY HERO ACADEMIA) but the fic’s been orphaned to the void ✌🏻

Favourite fic you’ve written?

Woah. Tough question, scrambling for it… this one! when I look in his eyes, well, I just see the sky. It’s a Black Butler fic I wrote recently for Whumptober (2023), Elizabeth Midford centric! I love her a lot <3

[heronpoxed]

Everyone is on fire about Tara and that's deserved!!! The hate I see the most comes from the self-insert/fic crowd. And the arguments are how they would have been better old ladies and handled Gemma and "fixed" Jax. LMAO. Lol even. It's petty jealousy.

I think she was set up, as so many love interests are in crime shows (skyler from breaking bad), to be hated because while the viewer loves the aggression and the world building Tara pointed out how insane and dangerous it all was. Jax isn't so hot and cool anymore once the club and Gemma aren't praising him. Once Tara actually shines a light on how self absorbed and pointless the whole outlaw setup is. Selling guns and later drugs isn't a "mission", it's not being an outlaw. It's just crime for money without any redeeming qualities. As was the clubs behavior towards women and their own children, while yelling "family and brotherhood above all else".

Anyway. Tara was right. And I am very sorry she had to die for Jax to finally realize it. She really wanted the best for him and saw him as a good man.

I’ve only ever read one SOA fanfic that was written in 2013 which is more like a love letter to Tara and her & Jax’s teenage years than anything else (its rlly good. It’s called Beginnings if you’re interested in reading) so I have absolutely no idea what the SOA fic crowd is like lol.

You’re right about this too. Tara was set up but I’m connecting this one to misogyny too. If reasonable female characters weren’t notoriously hated - no matter which relatively older show we’re talking about - we wouldn’t be thinking that they were set up. Hope this makes sense. I get the attachment to the world-building because the setting and the world of the story is the first thing that a consumer sees. In the case of Sons of Anarchy though, it was clear from the very first episode that the current club life wasn’t a right way to live. That was the whole point of Jax finding John’s manuscript; that was what got Jax determined to get the club out of the gun running business right? But i guess the attachment to the world made everyone ignore the whole point of the show and ultimately hate Tara because she never let anyone forget that.

That’s one of the reasons why I don’t want a spin-off/sequel with Abel and Thomas (something that many fans want sm). Tara and Jax didn’t sacrifice everything - including their lives - for their sons’ well-being only for them to get back to SAMCRO. It would mean that all of their sacrifices were for nothing!

Good point on the club’s behavior towards women and their families. The way they are with women is absolutely horrible which makes no sense because all of them would go to war for their significant others but then treat them with sm disrespect at home? I guess that comes down to their ego and toxic masculinity.

Tig, Chibs, Opie, Bobby ALL OF THEM had children yet they never cared lmao. All Chibs could talk about during the entirety of s3 was ‘his girls’ yet he never mentioned either Fiona or Kerrianne in later seasons. As much as Tig loved his kids, his way of life got Dawn killed and he was so extremely devastated!! I can’t believe that after Dawn’s death he never for even a split second questioned his choices regarding his life and the club.

I also hated that Opie’s children gradually started disappearing. i feel like not giving him any storylines with his kids in later seasons dehumanized him in a way. But i’ll never be sure if it was intended that way or not.

All of this collectively comes down to inconsistent writing. To me at least. I don’t know why screenwriters are always adamant on leaving so many loose ends and not digging a bit deeper into stuff like this.

And to answer your last point. Obviously Tara was right and I’m sorry that it took me watching this show twice to realize it but in my defense, I was 15, stupid and didn’t speak good enough English :’)

[timeless-toaster]

Introduction & Rules

Hello. This is going to be an out of character post, as this is my first time writing here.

Some info on me: I don’t like to apologize for my English, but if I write funky, then just remember that this is not my first language. I’ll try my best tho. So with that out of the way, let’s talk about Sims. I only started playing the Sims 2 a few years ago, but I basically fell in love with it. I was always interested in having a historical neighbourhood, but the amount of CC that would have been needed really discouraged me. This challenge made that big obstacle much smaller, since you only need a handful of CC for the first stage, and it slowly progresses into more. I think it also adds a goal to reach that keeps up your motivation to play.

As probably a lot others in the Sims 2 community, I’ve learnt about the Test of Time challenge from PleasantSims, and I’m using her rule modifications with some modifications I’ve made for myself. You can find the original rules she modified here. My changes will mostly only be based on the first stage, since that’s how far I’m in my playthrough.

My rule modifications: 

Every family has a color, and must wear clothing approriate for their assigned one. This is just a fun thing I thought of, and it makes it very easy to differentiate between the families. I usually give the heirs a fancier variant of the clothing but I don’t always pay attention to do that.

Sinks and showers must be placed outside. In my mind they’re collecting rainwater to use these, but I don’t actually wait for rain to allow them to shower. I already only use hygiene increasing “furniture”, so I don’t go insane from everyone complaining about being smelly.

There can be mathriarchal families. I currently have one family like this, and I just thought it would be interesting and fun. This family follows the rule of heirs too, but it’s all about the oldest female child. More on this later if I ever start writing the story, since this does cause a lot of complications (that I find fun).

I can reset the temperature of sims every night. Okay, so this might sound like it defeats the purpose of the all time summer, but I struggled sooo much with sims overheating and not being able to do anything all day, every day, that I just had to make this rule in desperation. I think it’s also logical, that the temperature would go down at night. And I have to add, that I still constantly have near death experiences cause of some sims deciding to go hunting or showering when they’re already almost overheated.

Their living condition improves with time. This is a vague rule, that is not set in stone. What I mean by this is that I start a family with very basic stuff, like only one little tent bed, a bush for a toilet and a tree trunk as a sofa, but as they start to not struggle with food, I imagine they could possibly have the strenght and time to build a basic house for themselves with wooden materials, and even make basic furniture. If their family is big enough, and they have multiple teens and adults in the family, I think they should be able to build their houses with stone, since they have a community to help them carry heavier materials.

I have 3 day rotations. This is purely a personal preference, I’ve always played 3 day rotations, and I’ve found it the perfect balance for myself.

That’s all for now. I’m very lazy with rules and keeping everything perfectly organised in the Sims, so I’m not sweating blood to always be on point with every little detail. I do definitely keep up with the most important ones. But after all it’s all about having fun. 

[s3xtones]

omg yo i have a twin flame. it’s scary we are the exact same height. same hair colour, have the same soul in the look in our eyes. the energy between us is magnetic and intoxicating. it’s fucked up we are in ‘no contact’ right now and it’s mad because he’s recently copped my dream givenchy jeans and those fucking bat ciaga sunglasses so we have the exact same style too. it’s also scary like one of the few times i was around him the top of my head (crown chakra) was tingling like crzy!! aaand when he expressed his love by musing me and making a pair of pants inspired by me ((lmfao fashion themed cosmic love affair)) i had like a full on kundalini awakening purely off seeing the post online… his higher self always shows me specific songs when i shuffle my music and will keep trying to play the same song until i’ve listened to the lyrics so i understand how he’s feeling and where he’s at with things. the connection actually consumed my life i was so obsessed and in love with him even when i hardly knew the man. it definitely has been toxic at parts but also so pure and all encompassing like i can’t live with or without him… both of our lives have come crumbling down because we were in each others lives to trigger deep change both internal and external. it’s fucked up too because apparently he’s not ascending or doing the needed shadow work or introspection and isn’t self aware enough and still in too much ego and may never choose to change in this lifetime so i’ll probably never be with him in this lifetime and coming to terms with that fact was honestly the most wrenching thing and i’ll never cry harder than i did in those moments. he is also with a karmic soulmate currently and i can’t explain the challenges that put me through mentally too especially because the girl is so scarily similar to who i am becoming and are as a person. the dynamic of runner and chaser is so real too like i was running after him knowing what the connection meant to me and now i’m running from him knowing his not so pure intent towards me. it worries me and i question myself like surely this can’t be the other half of my soul lol feels like that one episode where rick and morty go to that spa in space and split into one toxic character and one ultra healthy character.. i don’t fully understand it but apparently my heart was meant to be broken fully open in this lifetime and he did that for me. truly triggered and activated all my gifts and my spiritual awakening and the journey is real but the obsession around it scares me too as i was a part of that naively once too.. it’s beautiful though but goes way deep. almost too deep. the telepathic communication is real too. it made me never want to move on because nothing feels like it compares but i am accepting and at peace of my destiny and i found myself and my dreams and i fell in love with everything life has to offer and god so now i am happy either way. i guess i just wanted to tell somebody who would understand because everyone around me thinks i’m just a crazy idiot when it comes to him (and i definitely was at one point) but that’s the truth . idk i guess i just wanted to share my experience with you maybe you’ll find it interesting hehe but yeah no one should envy the TF thing it’s honestly a mess and is confusing and hurts really bad but i think each experience is unique. i really feel like a wholeass woman on my own and it’s insane that the person who i love and who loves me the most put me through the most suffering. i really hope i stay as myself and never like merge with him sometimes but thats disowning a part of myself. maybe he will learn.. definitely feels like unfinished business. im just rambling at this point and i’ll probably never have an idea as to wtf is going on with it but yeah it’s also crazy like everytime i ever energetically checked in on him w tarot too he was always feeling he exact same way i was so we mirror eachother emotionally too. it’s honestly disturbing and i don’t understand it but also comforting knowing i’ll kinda never be alone in a sense.

random side notes: i really look up to you

i love checking on you and your tumblr and seeing all your realisations about life.. wise beyond your years. just a sexy cool btch 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤 meow babe

thank you for sharing your light w the world you inspire me to b a better person .

gtg bai XOXO

Bruh u made me almost cry this really shook me to the core cause like i have definitely felt this exact same thing & been thru the journey.i tried to ignore the dependency and attachment aspect but it only grows with time. To be quite frank, i loved that. i was addicted and craved it so much cause i felt like i was at home with him and to me we WORKED SO SO SO SO WELL (to me)

because i really reallyyyy understand this i have some advice

1. Cry? Yes always, however Don’t assume he doesn’t get it or is not doing the shadow work cause for u to be able to even connect and telepathically communicate with him he is receiving u and receiving is an action!! His conscious self may not know why but his Higher Self responding is the best start. (AHHHH IM SO EXCITED FOR U. THIS IS CUTE ) Also i have not gave much thought as to why but A LOT of men play dumb to their spiritual needs n abilities if they could just really sit down n SHUT THE FUCK UPPPPP THEY MAY LEARN SUMTHIN IDK. Moving on…

2.Even if y’all don’t end up together together in this lifetime, STAY FRIENDS! Pls try even if it goes against your pride, it matters so so so much nd teaches u a lot about yourself too. with this i am not encouraging u let the relationship get super unhealthy or consuming, know when to push and pull away however i believe that staying friends with him keeps the love close n mag bring about a sooner coming together whether in this lifetime or the next. Sometimes you have to be that person to be a true mirror, the reflection, the person to tell him bout himself cause if you’re really his twin flame no one knows him like you both do and God n ancestors!

3. Destruction is a form of creation. Things must fall apart before they can come back together. Twin flames are separate because of karmic debt maybe y’all just working thru that n knocking old beliefs n restrictions in all dynamics ( family, Self, community/society) to clear the soul for the future union.

Sidenote: he’s probably just with that girl because ( pls don’t be hurt by this just hear me out) yes he’s running but there is also something on your end that is unresolved, missed or hyper fixated on that caused y’all not to be on the page right now …

or he’s just being a man who is scared of real life altering commitments and communication…both could be true but don’t strss it jus laugh it’s funny! Trust. LOL at some point she is gonna notice and want to be u like nah luv serve your purpose so he can come back home to his SENSES! LOLOr she’s gonna break his heart because she reminds him so much of the best of u as well but once he’s in too deep the rude but necessary Awakening will occur.

no one can have what was predestined, meant, divinely orchestrated until that’s what y’all both want then the prophecy changes. And at that point, it’s not bout what the physical wants , it’s more of a soul contract relinquishment thing. That’s what it says in Corinthians 13:4-8 after the love never fails part. People love cutting the verse off before the REALEST LINES but that’s a different topic.

Lol everyone around u will think you’re crazy even Him at times cause they will never see life thru your Eyes. It’s okay though because being a healer is one of the most important roles, the world will always need us so stay true to what you’ve learned and continue to learn. Yes, in this moment you are an individual woman will your own path to follow, stay true to that for u n only u cause when it’s time to be with him you’ll both be ready.

right now it’s bout YOU!💜

i love u so much thanks for sharing this with me i feel like love like this is very transformative for the best. i understand and appreciate the world and myself differently now and from what i have read u do too, it’s like reading a message from my younger Self n i live for conversations like this.

luv ya! thanks again!!! my messages are always open 4 u luvvv xx <3333

[worseandworsebytheday]

I had a whole long response typed out and I had to step away and I came back and it was gone so I’m going to have to abridge it because it was a masterpiece of a response and I can’t recreate it. In short elden ring lore is stupid it’s one selfcest god that crafted a bunch of incest demigods (curing mogh and the cursed half brother). The “dungeons” you speak of are mostly just caves and mines with a few legacy dungeons. Some of which are more annoying than interesting. Saying it’s “visually stunning” or whatever is stupid you’re comparing a current game to one over a decade old that honestly still looks great. But even so, simply comparing visuals is hardly a fair argument. Your pot man’s quest wasn’t sad it was stupid. Whack him out of a few holes and then shatter his ass in azula. I felt nothing doing it. Ranni and her ending were at least interesting and her as a character I actually liked. And she lead to the moonlight sword which is a staple of the games. Yes I know bloodborne and dark souls have insane lore but it’s actually good and worth looking into. Your beloved elden ring locations are big empty areas where you will either just wander around doing nothing or get annihilated by a rune bear or T. rex bird every 2 minutes. There’s no engagement. No imagination there. Skyrim had replayability. Multiple quest lines for factions or the open playability to just wander around and make your own story. I’m sorry you lack and and all ability to think outside of a stupidly structured game. The absolutely godawful takes I’ve been getting inundated with the past couple days are avail it’s bullshit I really expected better from all you stupid fucks. You remind me of when I was in highschool and idiots would say halo was better than Metroid because it “defined a genre” completely disregarding what came before. Or that master chief could ever take Samus in a fight simply because he was the newer guy and all they knew. You’re lucky my original reblog got deleted and I’m getting yelled at and this is all I could say back to you otherwise I’d have much better words than you’re a bumbling fucking moron with absolute shit tastes. Go choke on your shit opinions and enjoy your garbage ass fucking game. (I’ll update this post as I remember more things to add on if I do).

When I was mentioning the shitty locations I think I forgot to specifically name drop caelid. Can’t forget FUCKING CAELID SPECIFICALLY.

Also you think the only interesting location in DS1 is he dukes archive?! Motherfucker we got ash lake, the seat of the FUCKING MULTIVERSE. We’ve got, quite literally, hell, izalith. Oh and I don’t know how you got to the archives without passing through anor londo. Because you CAN NOT tell me that place wasn’t fucking stunning. And AND AND the way they BUILT the locations. Seeing izalith and ash lake from the tomb of giants. That not only has LORE REASONS but if you look at the 3D rendering of the maps IT ACTUALLY PHYSICALLY FUNCTIONS AS SUCH. Like literally the world building is top notch and you’re going to downplay ALL OF THIS?!?! Motherfucker get your fucking head out of your motherfucking anus and open your shit crusted eyes at the marvel you downplayed to “one interesting area”. And on top of that “oh boo hop the pot man was so sad” fucking SIF AND ARTORIAS. You want sad fucking...just fucking...now that I took a moment to re skim your response to me now I’m just fucking angry with you you fucking idiot among fucking idiots.

Like really your shit ass Fucking tastes about skyrim are bad enough but to lump bloodborne lore in with elden ring lore and then shit on dark souls world building?? Motherfucker I will physically fight you to the death over this one I’m not even messing around. That’s 3 real games you’ve dragged through the dirt defending the elden trash heap. Fuck all of you.

elder scrolls or elden ring. there is a right answer

Listen I love skyrim, but you have to be a bumbling fucking moron if you think it's better than Elden Ring!!!!

[onepoly]

The 25th Year | Week 6 | Change

Yeah, yeah, I’m technically two days late. Shut up.

This week hasn’t gone the way I thought it would. Don’t worry, nothing bad happened, I just decided to change my plans a bit.

First of all, I’m separating most of the core systems (terrain, world streaming, etc.) from the project and moving them into a Godot plugin. I’m doing this for two main reasons.

1: To make mod development easier.

2: To make development of my side project easier.

Oh yeah–I’ve got a side project now! And it’s also an open-world RPG. Yup–that’s right! TWO! I’m working on TWO open-world RPGs–by myself!

You’re probably wondering if I’m insane, and the answer is probably yes–but hear me out.

It all started when I was playing Daggerfall. On a whim, I decided to manually ride my horse to my destination, rather than use the fast travel system. On the way, I started wondering what this game would be like if it was made today, with modern technology and design sensibilities. Ideas started forming, and by the time I reached the next town, I had mentally written around half of a design document for a new game.

Its name is Endrizen, and I’m hoping to release it much sooner than I could ever hope to for The 25th Year.

Its world will be large–but not nearly as large as Daggerfall’s insane 62,000 square miles. Graphically it’ll be simple. Low poly models, basic animations, and low resolution textures whenever necessary. It’s going to use a lot of the same basic systems (terrain, open world, RPG systems) as The 25th Year, so I can share a lot of code between the two projects.

Like Daggerfall, I’ll use procedural generation to create most of the landscape, as well as the towns and dungeons. Unlike Daggerfall, I’ll be using this proc-gen world as a base to build off of. For example; towns and villages will contain hand-crafted quests and NPCs, as well as proc-gen ones.

You’re probably wondering why I’m doing this. Why start a second game? There are three reasons:

1. I want to.

2. If I work on one project for too long I start to burn out.

3. I don’t have a job.

That last one’s the most important one. Currently, I’m living at home with my mom. I’d obviously like to change this.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not expecting Endrizen to be a smash hit or anything–but I’m hoping I’ll be able to make a bit of money off it. Probably not enough to afford an apartment (especially not in this economy), but hopefully I’ll be able to help out with the bills some.

Unlike The 25th Year, I’m comfortable with releasing Endrizen in early access. As soon as I have enough for a 0.1, beta 1–or whatever I end up calling it–I’ll release it. No idea how much it’ll cost. I’m thinking somewhere between $10-$15.

I initially considered making two separate blog posts for each game, but I don’t think there will be enough to warrant that. Besides, I can barely put out one on time, there’s no way I’d be able to handle writing two blogs a week.

Instead, each post will talk about T25Y first, then Endrizen. Since I’ll now be covering two games in one post, the way I title future posts will be changing. Rather than something like “The 25th Year | Week 50 | Big fuckin pig” it’ll be more like “Big fuckin pig | A really cool rat”

I’ve also decided to create a proper schedule for myself, because I’m currently very sporadic with what I’m working on, and when I’m doing it. Some days, I don’t get much done. Others, I do a lot, but only after midnight. This needs to change.

And that’s about it. Most of this week was spent doing design work on Endrizen and separating my code out into that plugin I mentioned at the start of this blog. It’s called Enria, by the way.

I did get some proper work done, though. I can now save and load cells, I have a basic version of origin shifting working, and I’ve started upgrading the terrain shader to support actual textures–rather than just simple colors.

Sorry for this weird, somewhat rambly post. It’s currently 1:46 AM, and a big fucking moth keeps harassing me.

See you next time!