#I’ve had back problems since I was 15 and you know getting older hasn’t changed the pain I was in as a child soooo

[iguessitsjustme]

Well my hip is hurting again. Great. I’d love for this to stop

[mishasminions]

Here’s why the Supernatural Series Finale Sucked

(AND IT REALLY ISN’T JUST BECAUSE CAS/MISHA WASN’T IN IT)

First of all, I’d like to state, that this perspective is coming from someone who has watched, invested in, and dissected this show for 15 years. I’ve tried to rationalize and justify every single decision each of the main characters made throughout the years, and I’ve always tried to make sense of each of their story arcs from a “bigger picture” standpoint as each season progressed.

Anyway, before I can properly explain why the finale sucked, let me quickly take you through 15 seasons by segregating them into 3 eras, because you can’t really comprehend what Supernatural is about and what it’s become without going through how it tried to expand its universe.

SEASONS 1-5: THE KRIPKE ERA

Now, we all know that Kripke was always set in wrapping up Sam and Dean’s story in 5 seasons, and he did just that.

So, in this era, Supernatural is about two brothers who set out on a journey to fulfill “the family business”. They hunt mythical monsters that terrorize the world, while battling the monsters within themselves. Their ultimate “big bad” is an apocalypse.

Towards the end of this era, we find out that Sam and Dean are actually a parallel to Biblical characters who are brothers turned rivals. And that Sam and Dean’s destiny is to go up against each other.

However, as a dynamic, they have always been about making their own choices, choosing free will, and having a brotherly bond that can power through against any obstacle at any given day.

So, this era is neatly wrapped up with its finale. The characters grow, and get justified endings.

Dean, a man who thinks of himself as two things: 1. Sam’s older brother and protector; and 2. Daddy’s blunt little instrument.

He’s spent his whole life believing that that was his only purpose, and he knew that the only ending he’ll get would either be a bloody death fulfilling his duty to the family business; or laying his life on the line to save his brother.

Dean gets the ending he thought was never possible for him, something he thought he could never deserve. After years of living and dying for his family, he gets a shot at having an apple pie life--to settle down with a nice girl, raise a kid in a house with a white picket fence. With Sam gone, Dean’s responsibility now is to himself.

Sam, on the other hand, never wanted any part of it, because he wasn’t groomed the way Dean was, and because thanks to Dean, Sam wasn’t traumatized or forced into growing up too quickly the way Dean was.

So Sam aspires for a normal life, and works the cases with Dean so he can maybe get some semblance of it, when everything they set out to kill are laid to rest.

Ultimately, Sam performs a selfless act for his brother, who has given up everything for him, and for their cause--to save the world.

The journey is this: Dean sacrifices everything to save Sam, and Sam sacrifices himself so Dean could live.

Apart from being Dean’s “savior” and guardian angel, Castiel’s role in this era is to serve as a mirror to Dean’s journey. Castiel goes from being heaven’s foot soldier, following “God’s orders”; to an angel who learns to choose and feel for the first time in his existence.

After they realize that they’re both daddy’s blunt instruments, Dean starts choosing his own path for himself, and convinces Castiel to join him. Castiel stops following heaven, and starts following Dean.

In the end, with his newfound understanding of the world thanks to Dean, Castiel goes back to heaven to reform it.

We’ve resolved the biblical arc, and the character journeys.

SEASONS 6-10: THE SPIN-OFF ERA

So this is where the show realizes how vast its universe can be, so it tries to expand it by tapping into uncharted lands and experimenting with it.

They take on heaven, reform hell, explore purgatory, have the angels fall, turn Dean into a demon, and kill Death.

Dean and Sam recognize their codependency, and try to rise above it.

They go back and forth between which brother will risk it all for the greater good every other season.

Dean and Cas strengthen their relationship by recognizing the impact they have on each other’s lives.

Cas structures his life and decisions around Dean (Seasons 6-7), and Dean learns to trust and fight for Cas (Seasons 8-9).

Sam and Cas bond (mostly over Dean) because of their shared rationales in decision-making.

Dean, Sam, and even Cas also forge relationships with the people they work with. The concept of “found family” is introduced here.

This era was heavy on the plot while establishing, reinforcing, and solidifying relationships and dynamics.

At this point, it wasn’t just about the brothers anymore.

If Supernatural had ended in Season 10, the logical finale would’ve been Team Free Will, along with the family that they’ve found, going up against the latest big bad (Death or whoever). Maybe they lose them along the way, maybe they all make it out alive, or maybe they go down swinging, but at least the show recognizes and supports the message they keep saying, “Family don’t end with blood”

SEASONS 11-15: THE REWRITE ERA

This is where the show runs out of ideas and decides to invalidate the seasons that came before it.

From bringing Mary back (basically rendering their whole journey pointless because they’ve literally started hunting because of her death), to changing the stipulations in being Michael and Lucifer’s vessels (another character struggle rendered useless), to God himself breaking the fourth wall by saying that the Winchesters get away with everything because “they’re the main characters in his story and everything they’ve been through was just part of a badly written narrative”.

But what we’re getting from this era is that Sam and Dean, along with Cas (who has also deviated from the story) ARE trying to escape a badly written narrative.

That’s the “big bad” in this era. The writer.

At this point, the characters have picked up so many strays (including those from alternate universes), and have settled into their roles in their “found family”. Dean, Sam, and Cas all become surrogate dads and uncles.

They’ve also graduated from the whole “we’re on different sides” and “going behind each other’s backs” drama. And they just want the whole family together.

They’ve all resigned themselves to the cause, but they’re also tired. Dean allows himself to contemplate about wanting more out of life or at least getting a vacation. Sam, on the other hand, realizes his capabilities as an effective leader. Castiel learns to love another being that isn’t Dean (spoiler: it’s Jack).

However, they also realize that they’ve just been puppets on a string all this time.

So what they want now, is to write their own story, and make their own choices knowing that God/the writer isn’t the one fueling their narrative.

So here’s why the finale sucks:

Andrew Dabb, the current showrunner, said that there would be two finales.

15x19 - The finale to wrap up Season 15, and 15x20 - The finale to wrap up the series by “resolving the characters’ journey”

In 15x19 the boys find a way to de-power God/the writer. For the first time in their whole lives, they are free from the story. Their lives are completely theirs now. They can make their own decisions. There are no more “big bads” to fight

And here’s what happens in 15x20:

Immediately after being freed from their story arc, Dean and Sam go back to hunting the monster of the week.

Dean eats pie, gets nailed (literally), makes a 10-minute speech to Sam because he knows he’s dying, then he goes to heaven.

Dean is greeted by Bobby, his surrogate Dad who he hasn’t seen (fully alive) since Season 7. Bobby’s expository dialogue comprises of him explaining that he got out of heaven’s jail, that John and Mary are next door, and that Jack and Cas fixed the dynamics of heaven off-screen.

The first thing Dean decides to do is go for a long drive in his Impala (as if he hasn’t done enough of that already).

Meanwhile, Sam decides to stop hunting after Dean dies, he gets the apple pie life he hadn’t wanted since Season 8 (while Dean was in Purgatory), and names his kid “Dean” for effect. He grows old and dies.

Dean drove around in heaven for so long that Sam catches up to him.

They hug. The end.

Great, right?

After 15 years of struggling to battle their own respective destinies, going up against big bads and even bigger bads, then finally being able to take charge of their own stories, Dean and Sam regress to hunting the monster of the week, and get killed off by a nail and old age. Okay.

Sam gets to retire and have a family, sure, but they still focus on him and the kid he named after his dead brother. Still just “Sam and Dean” through and through. Nothing to do with found family. Just lineage. Just blood. And it ends there.

See, the problem here is that this ending would’ve been passable in The Kripke Era. But we’re 10 years down the road since, and while Sam and Dean are the original main characters, the show isn’t just about them and their codependent relationship anymore.

So you see, even if you take out the whole “Castiel deserves to be in the finale because he’s also a main character with an unfinished story arc” argument, the finale still does no justice to the series it tried to “wrap up”.

But anyway, now I’ll make the case for the problem with Castiel not being in the finale:

In 15x18, we get a 5-minute rushed confession from Castiel to Dean. The context of which are as follows:

1. Earlier in the episode, Dean had wounded Death with her scythe. We later find out that this wound is fatal.

2. Their friends start to “blip out” in a Thanos-like snap, and Dean thinks that Death is causing it, so Dean seeks her out, and Cas goes with him.

3. Dean and Cas anger Death, apparently for no reason because she didn’t even do the thing they thought she did. She chases them to try to kill them

4. Dean and Cas lock themselves in a room. Dean starts a pity party.

5. As Dean goes through hating himself out loud, Cas decides to inform Dean of the deal he made with The Empty. He then proceeds to explain the stipulation of the deal (that he would get taken once he experiences a moment of true happiness), then discusses his newfound happiness philosophy. Dean is getting whiplash.

6. Cas goes on to imply that the one thing that he wanted that he knew he couldn’t have is Dean Winchester reciprocating his romantic feelings for him. (Don’t even try to fight me on this because Cas already has Dean’s platonic love, and he knows that Dean thinks of him as a brother, so if he really meant this in a “familial” way, then why would he think that he couldn’t have the thing that would make him happy?) So Cas’ realization is that telling Dean about his feelings is enough to make him happy.

7. Cas tells Dean all the reasons why he loves him (thereby combating Dean’s self-deprecation tirade), and all the reasons why he’s worthy of his love. Meanwhile, Dean is still winded from the fact that Cas is about to sacrifice himself for him again.

8. Dean never gets to process anything, because Cas is shoving him out of the way, as he and Death (who busts through the door) get taken by The Empty.

After this episode, Dean never speaks of it. Misha Collins supposes that Dean doesn’t reciprocate. Jensen Ackles says that Dean didn’t really get to process it because it was too much, too fast, and that Dean, still dense as ever, thinks that Cas, a celestial being, doesn’t interpret human feelings the same way.

So what was the point of this confession?

Politics and sensitivities of a 2005 network television aside, what does this do for the story?

Cas proclaims his romantic feelings to Dean, but Dean never acknowledges it, doesn’t even give it a passing thought afterwards. So Cas’ big declaration goes unheard.

Cas cashes in on his Empty deal to kill Death (who was dying anyway), in order to save Dean who dies two episodes after.

Dean makes no effort to save Cas (despite being really broken up about his previous deaths, or even spending a whole year in Purgatory looking for him), even after they’ve beaten God, not even asking Jack (who has all the power in the universe) to bring him back (when Jack has already done it before, with less mojo).

Dean moves on to fight the monster of the week. Somewhere off-screen, Jack rescues Cas from The Empty, but Cas uncharacteristically doesn’t even bother to go to Dean? (Every single time he comes back, Dean’s always the first person he goes to)

And Cas, who apparently helped craft and reform the new heaven, isn’t the one who welcomes Dean and explains the new dynamics of it?

Sure, Jan.

Supernatural, you’ve created a finale that only your casual viewers and people who dipped out after Season 5 can appreciate.

Just goes to show how much you actually valued the people who actually invested in your story and characters, and consistently helped keep your show on the air.

[RT this on Twitter]

[marauderundercover]

Taking Chance Ch. 15: Problem Solving (Last name: Wayne)

AO3

Prev

Walking into class after lunch break, Marinette keeps her head down. No need to bring attention to the fact that she’s late...again. Sliding into her seat, she breathes a sigh of relief that Mme. Bustier is also late. Probably making copies. Either way, it had saved her from getting in trouble for being late again. Opening her bag to take out her stuff, she winces as Lila’s voice pierces the room.

“And then, he said he missed me so much that he cried!” She exclaims, clutching her hands together and sighing. Marinette rolls her eyes, certain that whoever it is either doesn’t actually know Lila, or doesn’t know Lila. Either way….lie.

“I still can’t believe you’re official with THE Tim Drake!” Alya exclaims. Marinette immediately chokes on air, her entire face turning bright red as she coughs and attempts to catch her breath. It doesn’t help that everyone is suddenly staring at her and waiting to see if she’s okay. The story pops back into her mind. Yeah, sure Lila. Tim Drake is dating you- an annoying little kid. Sure.

“Are you okay?” Rose asks once Marinette finally catches her breath. She smiles awkwardly, not ready for a confrontation with Lila over this, but also wary to let anyone spread this specific rumor.

“Yeah, it’s just-” Marinette pauses and sighs. This wouldn’t be the high road, but she had to watch out for her brother. “I’m just not sure Lila is telling the truth.” Chaos erupts around her. She chances a glance at Adrien, surprised to see his supportive smile. Well, almost. They had gotten closer. And sure, he’s said he liked her in Gotham, but she kinda thought he just blurted it out after seeing she was Ladybug. She wasn’t quite sure if he actually liked her.

“I-I just don’t understand why you hate me!” Lila sobs.

“I don't-” Marinette tries to say. Keyword- tries.

“Girl, you should apologize. Lila's been talking about Tim since before we even went to Gotham! They’re super serious now. They have been for almost two years.” Alya says.

“No they’re not! Do you seriously think an almost twenty year old CEO would date some fifteen year old kid from halfway across the world? I doubt Tim’s ever even been to Italy or France since becoming Co-CEO.” Marinette rambles, knowing with absolute certainty that she was right.

“Marinette! You’re kind of being mean. Lila says-” Rose tries to say.

“Just because Lila said something doesn’t mean it’s true!” Marinette cries, her frustration threatening to overwhelm her.

“Girl, you seriously need to apologize.” Alya says softly. Marinette’s jaw drops.

“For what?” She scoffs, throwing her arms up in exasperation. “For seeing the truth and calling it out? For not bending to Lila’s every whim?”

“For being a bad friend.” Alya says simply. Marinette freezes. A bad friend? Really? Her? A bad friend? How? All she’d ever done was try to be good. To be nice. To be perfect.

“Whatever.” She finally says, standing and grabbing her stuff. She storms out of the room, ignoring the yells of protest from her classmates. She thinks she hears Adrien, but she ignores him too and continues on her rampage past everyone, including Mme. Bustier. She doesn’t stop until she’s in the basement of the school. The only thing down here were a few vending machines. She tries to calm herself down, knowing her anger is unnecessary. But it’s hard.

She wants to let herself be mad, she should be able to be mad about this! She was always trying to be  a good friend and do things for other people and help the class even when she didn’t have time. Even if it meant missing out on sleep or doing something she wants to do, she put them first. Always. But somehow, Lila came out on top. She always comes out on top. They always believed Lila. Always.

“You should leave Marinette, before you attract an akuma.” Tikki says calmly. Marinette blinks, trying to figure out- Oh. Kaalki. Duh. Quickly calling on her transformation, Marinette portals into her room at the manor before a butterfly can come infect her. The second she lands, she calls off her transformation and continues her pacing.

“I’ve always been there for them. Always helped them. Always cared. How is calling Lila out being a bad friend? She’s not even my friend!” Marinette rambles with a huff.

“Maybe you should talk to your family- get their opinions.” Tikki suggests. Marinette starts to turn her down, then realizes she has to say something. Lila’s telling lies about Tim. Lies that could get him in some serious trouble.

“I have to tell Tim! If Alya publishes anything about Lila and Tim he could get in a LOT of trouble.” Marinette rambles, throwing her door open. She blinks in surprise at Tim, standing there frowning with a huge cup of what she assumes is coffee.

“When’d you get here?” He asks, and she can tell he’s much too tired to take this seriously right now.

“I’ll fill you in later, Timmy. Get some sleep.” She says, giving him a quick hug before darting around him and down the stairs. She had to tell someone who could deal with it. Not that she wanted Lila to get in trouble or anything like that, but...she didn’t want them to be able to lie about her family anymore. She’d accept all of those other stupid lies if she just stopped lying about the Waynes.

Running past the ballroom, a sudden movement makes her backtrack and actually glance into the ballroom. Her eyes widen when she notices the movement she caught was Dick….hanging from the chandelier. Of course. Well, he’s not going to be much help, she thinks, shaking her head and turning to try and find someone else. Maybe Mr.- maybe her dad was around. Now if she was a superhero/co-CEO combo where would she spend her free time. She hums, before deciding to check his study. If he wasn’t in there, she’d just go through and check the Batcave. He had to be in one of those places. She knocks on his study door, completely expecting silence, so she’s confused when she hears him call:

“Come in.” She raises an eyebrow. Okay, so he is in the study. Pushing the door open, she smiles at him, rubbing the back of her neck nervously at the brief look of complete and total shock on his face.

“Uh, hi Dad.” She says, rocking back onto her heels nervously. He controls his face quickly, gesturing for her to shut the door.

“Marinette. When did you arrive?” He asks, carefully examining her. She turns red when she realizes- he’s looking for injuries. Since going back to Paris, she hadn’t really communicated with her family unless she was injured or unable to fight. Promising herself to change that, she sits in the chair in front of his desk.

“Five minutes ago, maybe? I’m not sure. I just-” She pauses and frowns, realizing that her emotions almost got the better of her today. She almost let her frustration win. Over something silly. Shaking the thoughts away, she says “I was upset. Lila was lying again and usually I can just ignore her but this time… She was telling everyone that she’s dating Tim, and that they’re really serious and have been for almost two years.” Her dad’s eyebrows twitch slightly.

“Isn’t Lila your age?” He asks.

“Well, she’s already fifteen. But still, it would put Tim in a really bad light if Alya posted it somewhere and knowing Alya, she’s going to post it. Because they all believe Lila. And I tried to explain to them that Tim is quite a bit older than us and he’s an actual CEO and we’re just kids to him and he hasn’t even been in Italy or France and-” She pauses, letting herself take a breath. “I just think it’s wrong for her to lie about my family.”

---

Bruce tries hard to hide his shock. His daughter, who he’d known for less than two months, came all the way to Gotham because someone lied about Tim. It wasn’t the first time someone lied about the Wayne family, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last time. But the fact that his daughter was so upset that she had to come here...he was not going to let this slide. Wayne manor was a safe place, so he would make sure Marinette was able to breathe and relax a little before going home. And he was going to plan a way to stop the lies, to help Marinette.

“How can I help?” He asks, wanting to help but also wanting to make sure he does not overstep. He had heard her explaining to Damian why she let the girl get away with so many lies- it was an attempt to stop a mass akumatization. Bruce also wanted to avoid something like that, which is why he would follow his daughter’s lead.

“I don’t know! I know if I reveal everything it’s- it’s gonna be bad. I don’t know if we’d be able to handle something like that right now. Two of our temporary holders, people I trust a lot, are out of town. I don’t really trust anyone else and I’m certain we’d need their powers for the fallout from Lila’s kingdom falling.” She explains, bouncing her leg up and down as she glances around the room, possibly to come up with a plan. Bruce knew that he used a similar method when he was younger.

“What about the rumors related to the family? Do you think it would be safe to end those?” He asks, a plan beginning to form. But he’d have to get her permission. It would change many things.

“Well….yes. Yes, I think it would be safe. And even if it wasn’t, I know the fallout wouldn’t be anywhere as bad as if some of the other lies came to light.” She says. Bruce nods.

“Very well. Marinette, I believe I have something that might work, but I’m unsure if you’ll agree.” He says.

“We tell them I’m a Wayne.” Marinette says simply. Bruce blinks in surprise. It had definitely been what he was thinking, but thinking it and hearing his daughter say it out loud as if it was the most simple thing ever, those were two completely different things. He’s silent, trying to gather his words again when Marinette chuckles nervously. “I mean, we could say that I know you guys. Cause that’s not a lie.” She says. He sighs, realizing that his silence may have hurt her.

“Marinette, honey, you’re a Wayne. I want you to be one, and if you do as well, then of course we can tell them. I can even arrange for nondisclosure statements to be signed by the students in your class and the faculty. In case you’re not quite ready for the entire world to know.” He says quietly, hoping his voice is soft enough to reassure her. Her tense shoulders fall as she relaxes, her smile easing back into a natural one. Good. He didn’t mess up this time.

“Can we really do that? I do want to be a Wayne, it’s just. I’m not sure I’m ready for the world to look at me.” She says quietly. At this, he quirks a smile.

“If Adrien Agreste’s father is able to get an entire school to sign NDA’s about the boy’s lunch habits, I’m certain that having them sign an NDA when it’s for your safety will be no issue. Besides, if anyone breaks the NDA with malicious or ill intent, we can sue them.” He says simply.

“Oh, well, suing them seems a bit much.” She mumbles. He’s about to argue, when she shrugs. “But it also makes sense. Let’s do this.” He’s instantly proud of the determined look in her eyes. From saving her city to fighting lying bullies, his daughter was so much stronger than she thought.

---

Walking into class the following Monday was nerve wracking. It was almost the end of the school year, so she could’ve asked her Dad to wait until the next year to fix it. But she didn’t want to chance Lila lying about Tim all summer. Or anyone else in her family. Lila could use anyone else- even MDC- to get ahead, Marinette didn’t care. But she was done with Lila using her family. Originally, she had wanted to just do it quietly. Tell the teacher and have her pass out the forms. That’s probably how she would have done it too if her brothers hadn’t found out.

Now, her entire family was coming. She was cautious, but they promised to keep their emotions in check while they were in town. And they could always portal out if things got too tense. But, her brothers were drama queens. So it just made sense that they wanted to give her class the papers in person. She suspected Tim also wanted the chance to glare at Lila in person, and she wasn’t about to deny him that.

“Okay class! We have a few guests coming in today. They’ll be here in a couple minutes and I want you all to give them your full attention and respect.” Mme. Bustier announces, clapping her hands to get their attention. Marinette lets out a shaky breath. Here goes nothing. She tunes out the chatter of her classmates, keeping her eyes on the door. Waiting. Watching. Finally, she sees their shadows outside and her leg starts bouncing. Maybe she shouldn’t have let all of them get involved….

“Oh my god! That’s Bruce Wayne!” Alya yells as her family walks in. Marinette winces slightly at the instant fangirling from many of her classmates. She risks a glance at Lila and tries not to laugh at how pale the Italian girl had gotten. In fact, she looked a little green.

“Hello everyone! My name is Bruce Wayne, though I think you all should remember me from your trip to Gotham.” He says with a wide (fake) smile. Marinette wrinkles her nose. She doesn’t like this fake side of her Dad. She’d much rather watch him be overly serious than use that weird fake smile.

“We’ve brought some forms for everyone in this class to sign, as well as the faculty. The rest of the school won’t be required to sign these forms because it is assumed that what we are about to tell you will not go outside of this room.” Tim starts to explain, no coffee in his hand for once. “I know that it will not go outside of this room because these are NDAs, and we can and will take legal action against anyone who tells someone outside of this room about this information.” Everyone is silent, and while Marinette herself feels tense, she notices that most of her class just looks excited. Except Adrien, who was glancing back at her and looking worried. They’d already talked about this, but he was still worried. He seemed to think that this was one of her worst ideas, but honestly, Marinette didn’t care. She wanted to be able to (kind of) openly accept the other half of her family.

“Oh my god, is Tim about to propose?” Alya loudly whispers to Lila. Marinette can’t help it. She snorts. Out loud. Her face instantly heats as the entire room turns to look at her.

“Oh, uh, sorry?” She says, though it’s definitely more of a question than a statement. She wasn’t sorry.

“I am not about to propose. I’m actually not currently seriously seeing anyone, but there is a boy back home who I’ve had a few dates with.” Tim says. Marinette watches as Alya tries to say something, only to be stopped by Nino gently patting her hand and shaking his head. Good. Maybe they’d get through this without anyone getting akumatized. She glances at Lila again, rolling her eyes at the obviously fake upset look on her face. Is she seriously acting like Tim is cheating on her? In front of Tim? How dumb is she?

“I actually came to have everyone sign an NDA since my youngest daughter is in your class.” Her dad says, metaphorically dropping the bomb. He didn’t just drop it though, he chucked it at the class. The effect is immediate, the entire class erupting in whispers. Mme. Bustier tries, without luck, to gain control of the class. Marinette watches as Damian, who looked ready to murder any and all of her classmates, whistles an insanely high pitch. Wincing slightly, she makes eye contact with him and quirks an eyebrow. He shrugs, but it had been successful. The class was silent once again.

“When is she starting here?” Alya asks, obviously going into reporter mode. Marinette makes eye contact with her Dad, watching as he barely quirks an eyebrow, a silent question. One last chance to back out. She nods for him to continue. She wanted this.

“She actually already goes here. She just decided it was time to embrace the Wayne name.” He says, nodding at her. Marinette lets out a grounding breath and stands, quickly moving over to stand by her brothers. She tries to hide her hands behind her back, knowing they’re shaking like crazy. She positions herself between Dick and Jason, instantly able to relax as the feeling of safety washes over her. The class is completely silent, and Marinette isn’t sure if they don’t understand or if they’re in shock. She’s not sure which would be better.

“What?” Alya asks, barely audible.

“Marinette is my daughter, I am her biological father. She’s a Wayne. And you all have been provided with an NDA about her identity, so that she can remain safe and anonymous to the rest of Paris. Your parents have already agreed and signed both their forms and forms giving you all permission to sign a form. They all understand the importance of this secret, and I urge every single one of you to take this seriously.” Her dad says, giving the class another wide (fake) smile. She lays her head on Dick’s arm, relieved that her class instantly starts signing the forms. No outbursts right now, no possible akumas forming. Nothing. It was a relief, it was freeing. She was certain that it was going to come back and bite her- sooner rather than later if the look on Lila’s face was anything to go by- but for right now, everything was calm. And her family was supposed to stay in Paris for another day, so she’d finally be able to let three of her parents meet in person. It was nice. It was safe.

Next

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[cowboyjen68]

Recently I’ve been debating getting top surgery. I know that some butches get top surgery and seem happy with the results but I’ve also met some who grew out of their discomfort with time. So I guess I’m debating if I should wait to see if maybe the discomfort around my chest will ease with age or if I should look into getting top surgery. The ones I’ve talked to also had this discomfort about their breast growing during puberty but they said after some time it decreased but for mines it seems like a problem that hasn’t gone away.

I am so sorry for the delay, seems work and side gigs are taking up a lot of my time lately. 

I can only speak from my experience with my body and from other lesbians I talk to... and I talk to a lot. I have many friends across generations. Many of my younger friends are butch but not all. My older friends are a myriad of types of lesbians and as diverse as the greater population. This weekend now that we are all vaccinated we had a campfire with 12 lesbian, 5 butches present. We have definitely had discussions about our breasts, discomfort, and the mourning over loosing breasts to cancer (or the danger of cancer).  Most of my buddies, from 19 to 68 share similar stories about learning to be at least “okay” with their bodies in a world where our physical attributes are often used to define our personality, and our worth. 

One thing we ALL share, as women, not just lesbians, is that we were at best dissatisfied that we have breasts starting as soon as they begin to form. I was 7 when mom told me I had to wear a shirt outside. Wow was I pissed. AND as a 7 years old I knew it had nothing to do with me but everyone seemed just fine with the fact that men were the issue but since we can’t change them we must change our own behavior.

 I remember thinking “how is me not wearing a shirt a problem”. Breasts had been neutral for me at that point. Just another part of my body. Once I realized “they” made me different, more vulnerable, more controlled, less “human” than those around me without breasts I turned my hate on my body instead of the people who really were to blame. Just like I was taught, I can’t control the men but I perhaps I could control my body. 

I have raised at least 10 teenage daughters (2 are lesbians now) my youngest adopted is 15 and when her other mom told her to put on a shirt in the summer of her 8th birthday, even in our rural yard she looked at me dead in the eye and said “why haven’t you fixed this yet?” (meaning women’s bodies being subject to the eyes and opinions of men). I wonder.. why haven’t we? She is the youngest, but all the others grew from hating their breasts to at least neutral, some really love their bodies and that is lovely. 

Lesbians are unique in our dealings of men’s opinions because we never need or want the approval of men in relation to our bodies. The opposite in fact.. we would prefer they see us void of anything they find sexual. Many women, straight, bi, lesbian eventually either learn to give no shits about the opinions of men or they learn to work around that feeling.

Ok.. all that being said, my story. My breasts are B cups, perhaps C’s when I was a bit heavier weight wise. I wore regular bras WITH padding and always as tight as a could to make them less noticeable. When I came out i switched to sports bras because i was embracing being butch and no longer wanted to play the game of wearing  “pretty bra” . I never wore tight shirts, always baggy. I wore the tightest bra I could wear to keep my breasts smaller, less visible. FOR YEARS. 

Going to a women’s festival opened my eyes to the many ways bodies can be. The many ways BUTCH bodies can exist. Women went topless and NO one sexualized them. (except when appropriate-- like while flirting etc when it was welcomed). Thousands of people, many topless and no one, not one person was oogled, cat called, teased, or otherwise treated as different than someone wearing a shirt.  What did they all share? Why was it different than in other places? Women. All women and mostly lesbians. However that did not automatically translate to “I am going back to the real world and giving no fucks about the reality of existing with breasts in our world”. It took time.

I no longer wear a bra just an undershirt. BUT I am in control of where I go, who I interact with most of the time. If I was still at my retail job, I’d probably still wear a bra. I no longer dislike my breasts. I love them. They bring me pleasure, they bring my girlfriend pleasure. They are a lovely part of me BUT that does not mean I am not very aware in public of my nipples being visible or of people noticing I am braless. And I imagine it is harder for women with larger breasts. 

Had binders been a “thing”, had I had access to a double  mastectomy, or the idea of it i cannot say that would have pursued either. The pattern suggests I would have. But again., neither were on my radar, not options presented to me or encouraged as a way to solve my discomfort.

 I have  three friends who have had elective double mastectomies. And many who had one to prevent or remove cancer. Several of them suffer consistent and painful nerve damage that is not treatable, is quite common, is unpredictable (they can’t know who will have it) and possibly life long. Of the three who were trying to alleviate the distress of dysphoria, all three regret the decision and none of them are over 30 yet. These women are all lesbians. Those who had the surgery because of cancer are thrilled to be happy and alive with less worry, although they do deal with nerve issues and mourn the loss of a part of their body. 

I have a few trans men friends, although we are not close. A  couple of them have had double mastectomies but their thoughts or feelings have not come up, we are just not close enough for such a personal discussion and none have had the surgery for more than 2 years.  I have had lots of older lesbians friends (and a few younger) who did get breast reduction surgery and their health and mental health were both improved. Their backs are better, their clothes fit better and they feel more active, less self conscious with out the physical risks of a full mastectomy. 

The easy answer and what I WANT to say, is be patient, find lots of older lesbians friends to show you your body is neutral, men are the problem. Give yourself time to understand that your breasts are as butch as the rest of you. They are a natural part of your body and how you are meant to be. Also, I know there is not an easy answer. Men will continue to exist. They will continue to sexualize lesbians (with or without breasts). I didn’t outgrow wishing my breasts could just disappear(in public settings) until my 40′s but it got easier and easier to sort of “live with it”. I am many times over grateful for my healthy breasts now. 

Seek therapy.. and not someone who will just go along with what ever you say. My therapists works me hard. She makes me answer the hard questions. She has me vocalize things that I don’t even want to admit in my head let alone out loud. Find one like that. Find one who is willing to explore all the reasons your breasts cause you distress. Then, if you decide to proceed, you can do so knowing you were worth the hard work and you can feel more confident in making an informed decision. Don’t make any decisions based on the opinions of men. Your body. YOUR decision. Write that down on a post it and keep it somewhere you will see it. 

If you would like to speak to some others who are struggling with how you feel or want to talk to lesbians who can tell you about their double mastectomies, DM me, perhaps I can connect you. 

If  anyone wants to add their experience in the notes please be kind. No judgement for anyone making such a difficult decision. 

One last thing to this long post. From one butch to another.  I care about you and I am saddened and angry at  bull shit you have to wade through in this world. I get it. You are not alone. 

[steve0discusses]

S5 Ep 15 Pt 1: The Gang Gets Lost in India

Ah, back to Yugioh classic. Sort of. We’re going into the second filler arc before Bakura, which I have been told is kind of nonsense. And youknow what, from the first scene--this is the first scene by the way--yeah I can see the nonsense.

We got Yami cosplaying as the Chrysler building, we got Yugi saying WTFWTF, we got...this thing?

This thing tells us “Join my game, Yugi!” and then the demon just kinda bounces.

K, bye, I guess.

(read more under the cut)

Waking up from this nightmare, Yugi reveals that he has outgrown his good pajamas. Or maybe he just overused them like I did to my favorite pajamas during quarantine (which, not gonna lie, I hand sewed my favorite pajama pants back together 2 or 3 times like they were the Velveteen Rabbit. Quarantine pajamas and me were like best buds for a year there.)

RIP Yugi’s good pajamas.

It’s fine. I’m fine.

I can get used to Yugi in his normal ass old man pajamas without any cute stars on them. I can accept this. He’s getting older. So much older that for a second I thought he was learning Hebrew, by the looks of his books on his counter. I thought...wow, is Yugi actually attempting to learn a language spoken around the time of ancient Egyptians???

But uh...I went a searching and unfortunately that’s not Hebrew, and if that is a language, I don’t know what it is. Pretty sure it’s just random marks because this show has to be translated in so many languages. Man. For a second there that looked like really sneaky world building, but nah, Yugi is still kind of a dumbass who has yet to attend a solid year of school.

Also, I got to take in this mustard yellow as if I’ve seen it for the first time.

It has strong building blocks energy. It’s...so much yellow and it’s extremely the vibe of that one set of animal crossing decorations that I have because it’s a very common recipe, but, can’t figure out for the life of me how to fit into any room.

What am I supposed to do with these, Nintendo? Other than recreate Yugi’s Muto’s haunted game store/house?

Like I live in the Bay area and we have wild painted houses so you can see them through the fog (back when we...still had fog, RIP California) --but this is a little much. This is such strong Protagonist energy but as a house.

Also, I’ve don’t think I’ve brought this up before, but like...Yugi is loaded, right? Like he’s way too good and humble to ever say he’s loaded, and they sort of make it seem like he’s not (when compared to Seto Kaiba) but damn, this location of his real estate sure is something. That and Grandpa’s tiny shop seems to run on a constant deficit and his family just doesn’t care.

We flash back a bit to Gramps sneaking out, and Yugi is like “oh great, my only Father figure I ever talk about is getting a backpack together and just...leaving without any notice, huh? Without telling me you were going to go? Didn’t think that would maybe be a little off putting?“ and Gramps is like “Yes?”

Like Gramps nearly died going to an amusement park a few episodes back so I can see why Yugi is a little bit concerned.

Down the street at a little town lottery, Joey is getting further into gambling (I don’t know what those little street lotteries are called, it’s in a lot of anime--but kinda looks like mom lotteries for moms.)

I’m not sure why India is on Joey Wheeler’s bucket list, seems a little random, but he went to Pegasus’ country, after all and that’s barely even a country.

Joey going nuts on a lottery machine instead of going to school was pretty peak filler, so I’m not really minding this stuff so far.

And then, just to spook me, check this out:

I can’t believe they even let them back into a classroom. In my nerd school, if you missed one too many days, you were sent to the bad schools to be someone else’s problem. But in Yugi’s case...that either IS his school or...Yugi is failing International School, which is just a thing he’s allowed to do, because, as I said before, this kid has got to be loaded. Even Seto Kaiba was like “I’m not spending money on this school anymore. That outfit is like 50 bucks a jacket.”

Youknow, I have seen all the other characters knock on Tea’s choice of cute ass monsters for the last 5 seasons, and she has never once changed them out. She is holding onto this scary seraphim thing with the many wings like every child with their first Pidgey. She does not care.

Also how is this thing cute?

like the front of this orb has a face with hearts on it but like...it is kind of remarkable what Yugioh decides is cute. Magma golem: not cute. this thing? This thing that looks like it’s a chibi version of the last chapters of the bible and will sound the trumpets of the second coming? So cuuuuute.

Tristan used to be the Janitor/hall monitor/square archetype. Like hell he can walk around with that 00′s R+B soundtrack.

Joey appears in order to get us the hell out of school, and the art team retires this school background for the rest of what I assume is this entire series.

Goodbye school. Maybe you’ll come back with Bakura. Which would be weird, since rumor is that arc takes place in ancient Egypt.

On their walk home, Tea lets out in an inner monologue that no one could hear that after 5 straight seasons of his BS, she’s sick and tired of Pharaoh being the center of attention all the time and she needs a freakin break.

TBH, as she was thinking in her head like “Pharoah is just so freakin much” Yugi switched over to Pharaoh and was like “WHATS UP TEA, THINKING ABOUT ME??” and I thought for a split second maybe he read her mind with his Pharaoh powers.

And like...maybe he did? Seems like a thing he can just do but chooses not to tell anyone about. I mean would you tell anyone? I wouldn’t.

So, unlike Miho in Season Zero, who at least had the decency to try to take her Mother to Australia, Joey Wheeler has wisely decided that the 3 other ticket holders will not be the 3 other members of his immediate family. That would have been the most awkward trip between Serenity, his mother he hasn’t really spoken to in 7 years, and his absent father who was written out of the series for being a raging alcoholic. They would have not even made it to the plane.

Instead he’s gonna take the ghost in Yugi’s head and call that an adult (two tickets in one, really). It’s honestly not that bad of a plan, since his only other father figure, Grandpa, is MIA, and his only other, other father figure, Roland, charges like 300 dollars an hour and wants stock options and health insurance.

And honestly they should have taken Roland because he’s one of their best plane guys.

So they take the smallest little Amelia Earheart plane in the world, going from Japan to (checks map) India...which 2 times the distance this plane can go and it crashes...which is exactly what would happen if you took a teeny tiny plane over the Himalayan mountains without refueling that thing.

We call this a magical incident later in the episode, but this is just basic math.

So, fun fact, (and probably why I discuss planes so often on this blog) two of my Grandfathers were pilots (well, three, since my grandmother remarried another pilot), which sounds like a crazy coincidence until you recall that their generation was in WW2 and we just shoved children in planes for 20 years and called that normal.

Anyway, to save on travel costs, my engineer Grandfather built his own plane out of junkyard parts, which, as you can imagine, is a living nightmare, and it was held together by like duct tape and gasoline (which at one time used to be cheap). Tempted God every day that Howls Moving Castle touched the sky.

And while I only know it from photos since I wasn’t exactly born yet, it looked exactly like this plane. So looking at this, all I can think is...yeah...that’s what you get for flying to India in a tin can car. To this day I cannot trust any plane of this size.

So, they climb out of their wreckage virtually unscathed and into familiar Californian territory.

At least Joey thought about bringing a tent.

It’s interesting how our cast has become so accustomed to this that they’re not even all that shell shocked. It’s just another day in the life.

So next time we shall find out what India has in store for us. Or if we’re even in India...because again...feels a lot like this BG team doesn’t do any research into their landscapes and every place feels a whole lot of the same. But...at least they didn’t put any Arizonan mesas in India.

[fiveisnumber1]

Timeless - Five Hargreeves x Reader

Word Count: 3828

Warnings: None

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23

_________________________

Pt 11 - Lost In The Past

You didn't know how long it had been since you started crying but there came a point where you could cry no more. The tears no longer fell and your screams were nothing more than gasps of air. You felt empty like every last bit of emotion inside you was just released into the hollow house. Wiping the tears from your eyes you felt a gentle hand stroke your hair.

"There there, why don't we go get you some food to eat? You must be hungry after all that crying." Grace says

You turn your head to look at her and give her a small nod. Grace extends her hand to help you stand from the floor and when you stand she wraps an arm around you, guiding you to the kitchen. Sitting you down at the kitchen table, Grace starts to cook while you try to come to terms with your new reality. You had so many questions and yet you weren't sure if you had the words to vocalize them.

"Grace?" You call

"Hm?" She replies

"What happened since I've been gone?" You question softly

"Well George W. Bush served as president until 2008 when Barack Obama was elected to the presidency. The company Apple invented the iPhone in 2007 which revolutionized technology by giving phones touch screens. Youtube, Facebook, and other social media platforms grew to international success during the time you were gone. The-" Grace replies but you cut her off

"No, I mean...what happened here?" You say

Grace stops cooking for a second and turns to you.

"Oh. Well, you and Five went missing on the same day eleven years ago and things were never quite the same. Your disappearances took a toll on both your family and ours. I remember that about three years after you left, your parents packed up and moved to wherever they went. They were so distraught and I don't blame them it's very difficult to lose a child. I recall that back then Diego really tried his best to track them down in case you ever came back."

"What happened to Diego? And the others?"

"Diego left the house right when he turned eighteen, and Vanya, Klaus, and Allison left shortly thereafter which happened about six or so years ago. Luther stayed but now he's up on the moon doing some important research for Mr. Hargreeves!"

"You forgot about Ben." You state

"Oh right...Ben. Ben died on a mission in 2006. I don't know if you saw in the courtyard but there's a memorial statue for him there."

"He died?" You reply shocked

Grace nods.

"Yes and that was the straw that broke the camel's back, after you and Five went missing, and Ben's death, the rest of the children had no desire to stay in the house. It's difficult having to lose all your children one by one..." Grace states before putting on a chipper voice "Anyway here's a grilled cheese sandwich!"

"Oh." You say surprised at her quick shift of emotion "Uh, thank you."

"No problem (Y/N). Feel free to walk around the house and if you need anything else just ask! I'll be in the laundry room." Grace says before leaving

As she exits the kitchen and heads upstairs to the laundry room, you stare at the grilled cheese before pushing the plate away and putting your face in your hands. Everything felt like it was moving at a million miles per hour and you couldn't make it stop. You needed to get your mind off of things. Lifting you head out of your hands you stand up and grab your sandwich off the plate and walk towards a calendar on the kitchen wall. It read November 22nd, 2013. You shook your head and decided to leave the room. Strolling out of the kitchen and around the Umbrella Academy, you look at paintings of the former academy members. With each painting, the number of kids grew less and less as if time was making them disappear. You continue to walk around as you eat your sandwich taking in the empty sights. Passing different rooms, memories replayed in your mind so strongly that it was like you were right there in them again. You could practically see and hear the Hargreeves kids running down the halls and fighting with each other in those dumb uniforms they used to wear but you knew those experiences were just in your mind. This building had become a haunted house filled with the ghosts of past memories that would never come back. Looking outside at the snowy scene you decide to brave the elements and head out to the courtyard.  This time instead of frantically looking for signs of life you take in the sight of death. You make your way over to the statue of what looks to be an older version of Ben. The statue has a solemn look on its face as it looks down on you.

"I guess you're the only one left here." You comment to the statue

You got no response. You didn't expect one but it was worth a shot. You looked down at the pedestal the statue was on and read the epitaph.

May the darkness within you find peace in the light

You wrote that to him in the journal you gave him for all of your 13th birthdays. Things really had changed while you were gone. With the cold starting to set in, you head back inside and go stand in the parlor next to the fireplace. Looking up at the painting of Five once more, a mix of emotions started churning inside you. Anger, grief, confusion, hurt. All of them overwhelmed you.

"You know this is all your fault Five." You start to rant to the painting "If you hadn't gotten mad about whatever it was you were mad about neither of us would be in this situation."

You pace back and forth in front of the fireplace, your feelings of hurt and anger growing stronger like the flames before you. You continue to yell louder at the painting in front of you,

"Oh leave me alone (Y/N) you wouldn't get it. Bullshit! Do you see what you've done? Look at me! I have no family, no home, no friends, nothing because of you and your stupid superiority complex! All of it is gone! Do you hear me?"

By this point, you were actively staring down the painting, pointing and screaming at it,

"I HAVE NOTHING! NOTHING BECAUSE OF YOU! I LOST EVERYTHING AND THAT INCLUDES MY BEST FRIEND! HOW DARE YOU FIVE! HOW DARE YOU LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"Child, yelling at the painting is not going to console your grief." You hear a voice say from behind you

Turning around you find Mr. Hargreeves to be standing there.

"Why do you keep the painting up then?" You retort crossing your arms

"I keep it up to remember the boy." he answers, "I told him not to mess with time travel but he refused to listen."

"He thought he was better than everyone." You comment

"He thought he was better than most people, not all, but most." Reginald replies "Now if you're going to be staying here there are going to be rules that you need to follow."

"Who said I was staying here?" You remark

"You have other accommodations?" He questions

You let out a huff.

"No." you reply annoyed

It was true, you had nowhere else to go and this was probably your only chance of having a home of sorts. You heard the stories of what it was like to live with Reginald and although you didn't want to, you knew that you had no other choice.

"Very well. I will have Pogo inform you of the daily schedule of eating, training, and studying."

"Slow your roll old man, training?" you question raising an eyebrow

"Of course. To develop your powers." He responds blankly

"Listen, if I'm going to live here and have to deal with your rules then I have some conditions. First, I will train my powers and let you research them but do NOT expect me to put on a little uniform and become the only member of the second class of the Umbrella Academy. That's not happening. Second, if you want me to learn something it will wait until the weekend because during the week I want to go to school. Third, I have autonomy of where I go both inside and outside this house. I am not going to live my life solely in one bedroom. Do I make myself clear?" You demand

"I see time hasn't dulled that sharp tongue and insolent attitude of yours." Reginald remarks

"Well what eleven years is to you has been like two hours to me." you retort

"Fine. I agree with your conditions and the schedule will be adjusted accordingly but you MUST stick to it and the house rules or I will not tolerate your requests further." Reginald replies

"Deal." You state curtly

"I'll have Grace deal with your living accommodations. Now keep quiet."

"One more thing. You got his eyes wrong, they're a brighter blue." You say gesturing to the painting of Five

Reginald turns to walk away and you flop down on the couch. This is not what you expected when you woke up that morning...eleven years ago. All of it was still so surreal and you didn't know what to do. So you did nothing, you just laid on the couch staring at the ceiling silently and let the world pass by as it had done already. You didn't notice how much time had gone by until you heard Grace call out,

"(Y/N)!"

"I'm here." You reply sitting up from the couch

"Mr. Hargreeves told me that you're going to be staying with us. I'm so happy to hear that! Now I have the pleasure of being able to take care of you too!" She says happily "Let's get you situated!"

Grace and you walk upstairs and into the hall that housed the former rooms of the children.

"You can pick whichever room you want!" Grace explains "Allison's room is all set up in terms of having girlier items, and Vanya's room is smaller but it's barren so you can decorate it however you want! Luther and Ben's rooms are super organized! We can always redo Klaus or Diego's rooms and there's always Fi-"

"I'll take a look at the rooms and let you know." You quickly shoot out

Grace gives you a slightly shocked look before smiling and saying,

"Oh alright, I'm going to make dinner then. Just let me know before bedtime so I can get some clean sheets for you."

You didn't mean to cut off Grace but Five's room was the only room you didn't check earlier. Going in there wasn't something you were prepared to do right now and it definitely wasn't the one you were going to stay in. It would hurt too much, not only because of all the memories made in there but because it looked right across at your old room which was now frozen in time. Passing the closed door of Five's room you walk down the hall and carefully examine all the other options. You saw that Allison and Luther had two of the largest rooms, and you were surprised you couldn't find a hole cut in their shared wall to secretly enter each others. Nevertheless, Luther had only left recently so you didn't want his room and Allison's room had too much of her stuff in it and you knew even with rearranging you couldn't make it feel like your own. Making your way down the hall you saw Vanya's barren room but decided against it because it was too small. Klaus' room was too messy even though he hadn't been there for years and you felt weird about staying in Ben's room since it was still his when he passed away. All that was left was Diego's room. It wasn't as large as Luther or Allison's but it wasn't as small as Vanya's. You still felt a little awkward about taking it but out of all the options it was the best choice. Hearing a bell ring you went down to the dining room for dinner. Mr. Hargreeves was already there standing behind his seat at the head of the table. You stood behind the seat at the opposite head.

"Sit." He commanded

You sat down and Grace dished out food for both you and Mr. Hargreeves. The dinner was silent, the only sounds were that of the silverware clanking against your plates. When finished you excused yourself from the table. As you were walking away Grace asked,

"Did you pick a room?"

"Ah yes, I'll be staying in Diego's room." You answer

"Well it's not Diego's room anymore silly, it's yours! I'll go get some fresh sheets for the bed."

As you head to Diego's room you quickly get an idea to try and make the room more of your own. Transporting yourself to your old room you grab three items before transporting yourself back to the academy. As you approach Diego's room with the items in your arms you see that Grace had finished making the bed. Entering, you place the items on the desk. The diary replica that your parents gave you, the music box, and the teddy bear that Five gave you. It wasn't much but the items comforted you. Putting on a pair of pajamas you got ready for bed. As you pulled the bedsheets down Grace appeared behind you in the doorway and said,

"Goodnight (Y/N), sleep well."

She started to walk away when you called out,

"Grace?"

"Yes (Y/N)?" she replies

"Do you- do you think you could tuck me in?"

You saw as her expression was both happy and sad in a way. Like there was a piece missing that you somehow filled with that question.

"Of course," She replied a smile coming on to her face

You got into the bed and Grace happily tucked you in. Pulling the covers a top of she couldn't help but feel a sense of completeness that she lost years ago. The house had been so empty since all the kids left, but now she had someone to take care of and although the circumstances were less than great for you she wanted to make sure that she could give you the best. Quietly, she turned the light off and closed the door so you could fall asleep.

After that day the Hargreeves house had become your home. Over the next month, you moved most of your stuff from your old room to your new one. Having your stuff helped to make the transition easier although it also made you miss your past. To pass the time, you religiously wrote in the replica diary about each day but instead of writing dear diary for each entry, you wrote Dear Five. You hoped that if he came back one day you could give him the diary to read about what you were up to so it was like he was always there with you. With some help, you got enrolled in school but wouldn't start until after winter break. Even as you settled into the routine of training and living, you still felt all the emotions that you had that first day. You knew you wouldn't get over them immediately but you wished you had a better outlet. Going to Grace one day you asked her,

"Grace, do you have any ideas on how to get these negative feelings out in a healthy way? I know they won't go away but I'm hoping I can make them less strong."

"Hmm. Well if you put the energy that you spend on those feelings into different activities it might help. You could play the piano again or you can take up a physical sport. I heard boxing is really good for taking negative energy out." Grace responds "Actually I think there is a boxing club in the area. How about you check it out tomorrow?"

"Alright, I can try that. Do you think they're open though, it is Christmas Eve." You reply

"If my knowledge is correct, this one is open 365 days a year." Grace replies

You nodded and once you had figured out where it was you put on exercise clothes. Grace bundled you up in a warm jacket and with that, you walked your way over to the boxing club. Entering you approached a desk where an old man sat.

"Hi, I'd like to learn to box." You say

"You're a little small to learn, don't you think?" He replies

"I have a hundred dollars that say I'm not too small." You state holding up the bill

"Can't argue with that." The old man says taking the cash

He escorts you over to a punching bag.

"Wait here, I'll get you someone to teach you." He says before turning his attention "Hey Kraken, get your ass over here. I need you to teach this kid."

Slowly a man steps out of the boxing ring where he was practicing and walks over to where you and the old man are. The old man walks away as the younger man takes off his gear.  He says,

"Hey, I'm-"

But he stops abruptly. The man just stares at you blankly.

"Are you okay?" You ask

"Sorry, you look like someone I used to know." He says

Something about this man felt familiar but you couldn't place it. The man sticks out his hand to shake yours. You go to shake it but when you look down at his wrist he has an all too familiar marking there, a tattoo of an umbrella in a circle. You look at the tattoo before looking up again at the man and start to recognize the features of the boy you used to know, now all grown up.

"Diego?" you question softly

"H-h-how did you know my name?" He stutters

"I knew it because you do know me. It's me, (Y/N)," you reply softly

You can see the confusion on his face turn into a softer expression. Although it might not have been evident to his other siblings, Diego was a deeply emotional person and you saw that exact look you were seeing in his eyes many times before when you two were younger.

"No. It can't be. You look exactly the same, you should be my age" He questions, the emotion on his face becoming more evident

"Accidentally traveling through time will do that to you. Please you have to believe me Eggo." You begged

He was having doubts that it was truly you but that all went away when you called him that name. It was a dumb nickname you gave him when one time Luther refused to let go of him. You kept exclaiming "let go my eggo" as you tried to use your powers to get Luther off. No one else but you ever knew of that. Tears formed in Diego's eyes but quickly after he wrapped his arms around you and picked you up.

"Hey everyone! My sister is back! We thought she went missing but she's back!" Diego exclaims to the people in the boxing club

There are some cheers and congratulations shouted from across the gym as Diego puts you back down. For so long he hoped that you would come back and now here you were like a Christmas miracle. You were more like a sibling to him in the short amount of time he knew you than his own siblings were. Instead of learning to box the two of you talked. You explained everything that you had gone through and your current living situation. He didn't like that you were living in that house with his father but he knew that he didn't have the means to house you nor properly take care of you. One thing he did know is that he was going to make sure that after all this misery you could have a better life. Even though time had gone on and he was older now you were still like a sister to him but now you were his little sister and he was determined to protect you from any harm the world might throw your way. He was going to be the best older brother he could be to you and make sure that you would not have to face the life he did.

And so for the next five years, Diego was there for every important moment in your life, always trying to support you and make it better. He dropped you off on your first day of school when spring semester rolled around and every first day after. He went to every piano recital you had and sat front row. When there was a father-daughter dance fundraiser he went to make sure you weren't alone. He trained you and coached you in boxing and was there for every single match. He planned a huge sweet 16 birthday party using what money he had. He was the one who took you on your first college visits when you were 17. He took time out of his days to practice working on your powers. For everything, he was there and on top of that, he regularly took you out of the house to spend time with you. You were his little sister, his true sister and he wanted you to know it.

Along with everything Diego did for you, you were grateful for some of the things you had gotten in the Hargreeves house. After about a year or so you stopped calling Grace by her name and started to call her mom. If androids could cry tears of joy Grace would have the first time that word left your mouth. Pogo had convinced Reginald to get you a piano play and in an odd act of kindness, he did. Along with that, your powers developed greatly under the supervision of Reginald and Pogo. You were able to do more in terms of manipulating the molecules in the world around you and were able to start seeing disturbances in them as well. Life wasn't perfect but through the years it got easier. But although you were growing up and trying to move on with your life, even after all those years Five never left your mind for a second. You missed him greatly and hated that the last words the two of you shared were ones of anger. You wondered if he was still mad at you. Each moment of every day Five still consumed your mind and you hoped that wherever he was, in another time and place, that he was doing okay and that one day he would come back to you.

Check out the side story here: 

The Missing Five Years - “Lost In The Past” Side story

Taglist: @xplrreylo @joebob15274 @insatiable-ivy @fruitsaladtree @angelpeachamber @academy-umbrella @lizziel1410 @ir3neeee @faith-quake @aliens-with-colas @eddiomyspaghettio @lady-celeste25 @im-dead-and-hurting @nerdypinupcrystal @cherry-ki-d @anapocalypseinmymind @vicassa @2cuteforyourlies @taylorsmakingfuckingmacandcheese @n1ghtsh4d3-67 @cheshire-salvatore-mikaelson @shadowycreationcupcake @macaroni-mads @metor-showers1994 @fivehargreevesforthewin @rinko-san @supernovavision @cicilisthebest @flickbix @hi-v-juice @magykal-777 @zosiaduda

[procrastinatorimagines]

Our Little Secret Part 9

Fandom: The Vampire Diaries / The Originals

Series: Our Little Secret

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 5 // Part 6 // 

Part 7 // Part 8 // Part 9 // Part 10 // Part 11 // Part 12 // Part 13 // Part 14 // Part 15 (Final)

Pairing: Klaus Mikaelson x Reader

Warning/s: none

Word Count: 1,369

Summary: Y/N Gilbert tried to put Mystic Falls - it’s problems, and her whirlwind romance with Klaus Mikaelson - behind her after she graduated, but all it takes is one unusual phone call to bring her right back to where she started and into the path of her first love as she races to solve the mystery threatening the lives of everyone in her home town.

Tags: @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce // @april-14-blog // @akshi8278 // @keiko0 // @mylovehes // @your-new-mom​

The Salvatore School looked like a fortress, but you’d know that building anywhere, a sense of nostalgia settling in as you approached it’s chained and heavily fortified gates. 

“Something’s wrong,” Klaus slowed his walk, on high alert as he glanced around. You could feel it too, the shift in the air, hands ghosting over your weapon as you surveyed the surrounding area. 

You were fast, but Klaus had vampiric advantage, catching the crossbow bolt as it shot out of the trees towards you, inches from your shoulder as had already begun to dodge the attack. 

“Wait! They’re friendlies,” a voice called from the other side of the gate, Klaus practically growling as he snapped the arrow in his hand. You smiled as the figure got closer, finally becoming visible in the dim light of the moon. Alaric. 

A second figure emerged from one side, a teenaeger, dark curly hair and apologetic eyes as he lowered a crossbow. “Sorry,” he told you, shouldering the weapon and heading towards Alaric, both their party and yours meeting on opposite sides of the gate. 

“Alaric Saltzman,” Klaus greeted, looking the man up and down. He looked older than you remembered, but then, it had been years. 

“Klaus,” Alaric nodded, his face softening as he turned to you, “hey Y/N, you’re one of the last people I expected to see here.”

“Got a strange phone call from Hope Mikaelson,” you told him, he and the teenager exchanged a look. 

“Where is my daughter anyway? She could explain it better, it seems this school has managed to avoid the slumber effecting the rest of the town,” Klaus looked expectantly at Alaric.

“Wait, Hope isn’t with you?” The boy asked, looking immediately worried. 

Klaus’ face fell. “Why would she be?” He asked, and you could see the fear in his eyes.

“Well, she left the grounds yesterday- no one’s seen her since,” he answered as the colour drained from Klaus’ face. 

“Maybe you should come inside,” Alaric decided solemnly, glancing around warily before opening the gates enough to let you and Klaus slide in, locking the gates again tightly with a chilling clang. 

Klaus was quiet all the way inside. You didn’t have any children of your own, but you knew she was his world, and now she was in trouble. 

“How come no one here’s affected?” You blurted soon after stepping inside. Students of all ages were milling around, preparing weapons, researching, practicing spells... It was the only part of Mystic Falls seemingly untouched.

“Wards,” Alaric explained briefly, one eye on Klaus the entire time as you passed by the students and followed him into his office, the boy still in tow too. “Landon, you don’t need to be here for this,” he told the boy, who shook his head adamantly.

“If Hope’s in danger I have to help her,” he insisted.

“Ah, so you’re the Landon Kirby she’s told me about,” Klaus said with a tone that told you this Landon was his daughter’s boyfriend. This could be interesting.

Landon, to his credit, held Klaus’ stare. “Yes, and I want to help.” Klaus nodded after a moment, you needed all the help you could get. Plus, you suspected he wanted Landon to stick close for other reasons too.

“Tell us everything,” you said to Alaric, who nodded gravely and gestured for you to all sit down. It was finally time to get some answers. 

“We don’t know what is causing this... sleeping curse, but it seems to put everything it comes into contact with into a deep, unwakable sleep, so no one who’s seen it can tell us what it is. But what we do know is that it doesn’t affect vampires, so we’ve theorised that it has something to do people’s life forces maybe?” Alaric explained, both you and Klaus listening intently. 

“It also can’t get past the school’s wards, thankfully, but it all happened so fast that by the time we’d figured it out it was too late to bring anyone into the safety of our walls,” he continued, taking a breath to prepare himself as he got to the bit Klaus was most eager to hear, “Hope snuck out sometime yesterday, against direct instruction, to try and investigate, she’s part vampire so she hedged her bets on being immune. But... she hasn’t been back since, and the few vamps we could spare to search the woods closest to the school found nothing. We didn’t want to risk sending them further, just because they aren’t put to sleep, doesn’t mean we know what could happen to them.”

There was a snapping noise, making you jump as you looked to Klaus, who had been gripping the arms of his chair so hard he’d crushed to wood into splinters. 

“Some myths of vampires have them eating people’s energy,” you mused, earning surprised and curious glances from your audience, “what? I mean they aren’t thought to put an entire town to sleep, but energy and life force could be interchangeable here, and your regular vampire isn’t exactly alive by that definition.”

“Take the girl out of Mystic Falls...” Alaric gave you a faint, proud smile.

“Yeah, I’ve thought that once or twice since I got here,” you replied, looking to the crossbow you’d leant up against your chair. 

“It’s happening in New Orleans too,” Klaus revealed to Alaric, filling him in on what little he knew, and how it linked to your phone call with Hope.

“One of the only people any of us actually know who got out of this town in one peice,” Alaric said maybe a little too cynically, but he wasn’t exactly wrong. 

“So how do we find my daughter?” Klaus voiced, his singular focus clear, not that you could blame him, you wanted to make sure your sister and her family were safe too.

“She’s a witch too right?” You asked, a thought forming. Klaus nodded. “Landon, did she say anything since this started about any spells? Protection? Locating? Maybe even trying to wake someone up?”

You doubted she’d have told Alaric about any potentially dangerous plan, but her boyfriend? You’d told Klaus all your secrets back in High School, and teenagers didn’t change much.

Landon looked a little guilty, “she did mention something about locating an epicentre? She said whatever was doing this had to be hiding somewhere, even if it did originally come from the Malivore pit,” Landon rubbed the back of his neck as Alaric quickly filled you in on what the hell a Malivore pit was. Huh, Mystic Falls had really been having the time of it in recent years. 

“Did she tell you if she found anything? Her aunt Freya did a similar spell, but it only pin pointed Mystic Falls, not a specific location in the town,” Klaus tried to clarify, desperate to understand what his daughter was doing. But you didn’t wonder too hard, she was her father’s daughter afterall.

“Sorry, no, really she did,” Landon told you, and you believed him, he clearly cared about her too much to protect a secret that might be putting her in danger. 

“Well, I mean, it’s Mystic Falls - has anyone checked the High School?” You piped up, “hundreds of children in one place? Youthful life energy rife to be fed on?”

Alaric considered it for a second, “even if you’re right, I can’t afford to send my kids, they’re children.”

Klaus was about to argue when you shot out your hand, putting it on his arm and shaking your head. Alaric was right, risking the students of the school wasn’t fair, even if you’d been younger than some of them when you’d been thrust into the path of danger. 

“Well I’m going,” Klaus rose, determination clear.

“So am I,” you said, standing with him as he turned to object.

“Absolutely not, you’re human, not even a witch Y/N-” Klaus began but you cut him off.

“I’m a Gilbert, with training, and Hope called me. I’m here to help her Klaus, and I’m going to,” you told him, leaving no room for argument. 

This had been your home once, Klaus the man you loved, and that still meant something. You had to see this through.

[ramblinganthropologist]

Fictober 2021 (3) - “I’ve waited for this”

Fanfiction

Fandom: Mass Effect (Actor AU)

Summary: Macen Virius was supposed to be breaking things off with his costar. Instead, he’s pretty sure he might have just caught feelings. Damn it, it was just supposed to be a sex thing...

---

There was nothing like the end of a long day of filming to make Macen want to go to fucking sleep.

Every muscle in his body ached as he left the set to change out of his costume. Moments before, he had been in the blown out remains of a battlefield. Post would add the effects, but his hands still ached from holding his prop rifle and clicking the useless trigger button. Honestly, if he had been human, he would have expected an imprint there.

He was going to have to ask his costar about that later…

“Where is he anyway?” Macen’s mandibles twitched as he glanced around. Everyone was heading off, but there was no sign of Mass Effect’s leading man. Usually, he stuck around to talk to his costar – then again, he didn’t see the other ‘Commander Shepard’ either. They must have both taken off early…

He envied that about humans. They got out of costume and makeup way too quickly.

In the end, he too was back in his regular clothes. As he walked, he rubbed his right mandible, trying to get the feeling back. Part of playing Garrus meant that he needed fake implants to imply he’d had half his face blown off. With how numb that mandible got, it certainly felt that way. No doubt about it, he was looking forward to the final season where all he would need is scar tissue. At least he’d be able to move better in that.

A beeping drew his attention to his wrist as he left the set. His omnitool was letting him know he had a message from a certain fake redhead. As humans put it, curiosity killed the cat (don’t ask him, he didn’t even know what a cat was) so he opened it.

Alex Jones: Hey, rehearsal at my place tonight?

Alex Jones: I can get takeout from that levo-dextro place again. You liked their noodles.

He had liked their noodles. What he didn’t like was… well, this.

“You’re getting too attached, Virius. This is just supposed to be about sex.” He shook his head, half considering calling things off so he could have the night to himself. Problem was that his stomach had started to growl at the thought of those noodles. Besides, tomorrow’s shoot was supposed to involve a lot of emotional moments – he needed all the feedback he could get.

With any luck, he’d end the night in his own bed without fucking the human. After all… he was a turian of self-restraint and control. He could totally handle this.

…

Yeah, he was just going to keep telling himself that and hope for the best. Damn sexy human…

---

An hour later, Macen found himself standing in front of his costar’s door, frowning as he stared at the metal. As hard as he tried to talk himself into ending things, doubt still gnawed at his stomach.

He should end things. It never ended well when he got too into somebody.

“He should understand… it’s just sex… he’s my costar, and it’s just sex.” Macen shook his head again, frowning as he started to key in the human’s door code. Alex had given it to him a month prior, mostly so if he was going to be late he could get in.

That probably wasn’t a good sign, but he had elected to ignore it.

The door clicked opened, and he stepped in. Much to his surprise, the sound of upbeat music met him in the hallway. Not only that, but someone was singing to it if his translator was anything to go by. The damn thing was working overtime as he sidled closer to the entrance to the living room, holding his breath as he peaked in.

Lucky for him, Alex’s back was to him. The human had cleared a space in his living room in order to have room for what he was doing then. However, Macen was having a problem processing what “that” was. Well, he knew it was dancing – a somewhat odd version of it – but it was just so… old fashioned.

Also, since when did Alex dance?

“Let’s chase the dreaming light, and I’ll truly be myself…”

Dancing wasn’t the only thing on the menu. Macen’s jaw dropped as he realized the soft, sweet voice he had heard in the hallway was coming from Alex himself as he worked through the song with flowing, easy moves. Something about it was so painstakingly familiar, yet he couldn’t put his finger on it as he stood mutely in the hallway, watching the scene in front of him.

He had to wonder… what did it look like from the front?

“There’s a scene I want to show you. You have to wait for it… so let’s make a promise!”

Alex moved into a different position, holding out his hand to an imaginary audience that Macen couldn’t see as he took a step up. Every one of his moves were precise, even though he was doing nothing more than dancing around his apartment in his socks. Clearly, he had been practicing…

But for what?

“There’s a gentle wind wrapping around me… isn’t it warm?”

Macen knew a bridge when he heard one, and he felt himself holding his breath as he watched. Alex was getting closer to his imaginary audience now, probably for whatever was going to come in the final chorus. Maybe it was because he was so focused on the man that he hadn’t noticed his heart had begun to beat faster, but it thudded all the same.

“They’re overflowing, these endless hearts…” The man suddenly turned on his heel, facing the entry way. “Please carry them to tomorrow!”

And then no more singing happened as the precursor to the final chorus played behind him. He was fixed on the turian standing in his living room, looking rather shocked as if he hadn’t given him the door code. Macen wasn’t doing much better, mind you – he still hadn’t managed to shut his damn mouth.

And people thought they were cool. If only the blogs could see them now.

At least Alex shut the music off as he regained sense. He reached for a towel to dry off his apparently sweaty face, cheeks a slight pink from exercise. Maybe it was the sweat that had made him shine in that moment. For all Macen knew, it had caught the overhead light when he spun around like that.

Meanwhile, his heart wasn’t slowing down. Still…

“Uh… I guess my text didn’t make it.” At least his mandibles were starting to work. “I didn’t miss the noodles yet, did I?”

The human put his towel down as he started towards his phone propped up on a stand. “They’ll be here in 15 last I checked.”

The music started playing on his phone as he frowned. “Damn, I knew I spun the wrong way…”

This caused Macen to cock his head to the side. “Were you recording yourself for social media or something?”

Doubtful; this kind of thing definitely wasn’t in the human’s wheelhouse. After all, he was supposed to be playing Commander Shepard. While the man had some oddities, he probably didn’t dance around like that.

…

Then again, who fucking knew. Dude was weird.

Alex was still checking his phone as he spoke. “No, just recording my practice to see where I need to improve for filming next week.”

Surprisingly, he was grinning as he looked up. “I’ve waiteda for this for a long time, so I want to get it right.”

Something about the way he smiled did awful things to Macen’s stomach. However, the statement set his mind whirring. While he wasn’t a complete Reaper War freak like some of his coworkers, he at least knew enough to be sure something like that hadn’t happened. After all, there’d be videos, right?

Definitely videos, no way Joker would’ve let that slip by.

“Ok, you’re going to have to fill me in on this one… since when did Shepard do a little dance?”

Alex chuckled – again, there went his stomach. “2185, to be exact. The Normandy ran into a rogue AI that accidentally found its way into Shepard’s music collection. They needed to distract it, so he wound up putting on a little show. He disabled the cameras beforehand, but he wrote about it in his journal, so we know it happened. And now I get to do it on TV and make all the people who think he was just a military guy hate me. I’m thrilled.”

Clearly – he was sparkling again, and this time it wasn’t from the sweat. Macen felt his heart beat harder again, and he tried to distract himself by looking towards the door. If those noodles could save his ass, he’d marry them.

Besides, he was supposed to be calling things off with the guy.

Alex was still looking through his phone as he spoke. “It’s been such a long time since I’ve done a dance routine for TV, I was worried I forgot how. I’m definitely a little rough, but it’s better than I thought it would be. Good thing the director let me know early so I could practice a bit more.”

Macen started to open his mouth to ask, but then the memory came to the surface. He knew where he had heard the voice before, and honestly he was surprised he had forgotten about it. Back then, he had secretly loved to watch it.

Secretly, of course, because Citadel Idol Heart was really more of a girl’s show. The popular teen drama about idols competing in a Citadel-wide talent competition in hopes of seeing their dreams come to life had run for a few years, and he had seen every episode. More importantly, he had once crushed on the main character, a blonde idol with blue eyes and the sweetest voice he had ever heard. Whenever she took the stage, he had been unable to look away.

Just like he couldn’t look away now…

“You… I forgot you were on CIH.”

It was now Alex’s turn to blink back surprise as he looked up from his phone. “You watched that?”

“Kind of…” His eyes darted. “Your voice hasn’t changed much. I mean it’s gotten older sounding but I’m glad to know it wasn’t autotune or anything…”

Things had officially gotten awkward. There he was, with the crush from his teenage years… and he was fucking the guy without even knowing it. Life was weird, and it was getting worse by the second. If only teenage him could see him now…

The man’s cheeks turned a light pink at the compliment. “Well, it’s not like I’ve gone on T or anything, so no big surprise there…”

He got up, probably to check for the noodles. “I take it you were part of the Melody fan club then. Unless you were an edge lord and went with Black Rose. Her fan club was the absolute worst and insisted we hated each other, but I was the best man at her damn wedding last year…”

The rest of his statement was drowned out by the opening of a door and the ruffling of a paper bag. At last, the noodles had arrived. Unfortunately, Macen realized he didn’t have much of an appetite. His stomach refused to calm, and his heart still pounded as he sat there, processing everything.

At least the application of a warm box to his mandibles helped.

“Macen, your noodles are going to get cold.”

He blinked and realized Alex was nudging him in the face with his food. That shot him back to reality as he took the box and proffered plastic fork that went with it. The human then settled in next to him – not across! – and started to dig into his own box.

Right… food. And they were supposed to be rehearsing. And he was definitely supposed to be breaking up with his costar.

“I had the pin.”

His comment left silence in his wake. Alex had stopped eating and was giving him a rather incredulous look. This caused Macen to duck his head in lieu of eating noodles. After all, it was hard to do so politely when you had a face like his. Really, he should have sworn them off… but they were just so damn good he couldn’t resist.

Damn humans and their noodles, they were out to get him.

“You had the fan club pin?”

Yep – there went his mandibles, flapping in the breeze. “I was a big fan, ok? What can I say, everyone loves an underdog story… and you maybe… looked good in that one outfit. The orange one…”

Melody in the orange outfit had been taped to his bedroom wall until he left for basic. Hell, it might still be there…

“God, you’re such a nerd.”

Alex was chuckling though as he put his fork down. It was a nice sound, though it did horrible things to Macen’s stomach once more. Thoughts of noodles evaporated as he sat there, taking in the sound of the human’s mirth. He really needed to laugh more often… maybe he should work on making that happen.

“Well… I can’t exactly let a fan down, now can I?”

He stood and crossed the room to the open space he had created. The music was soon queued up to where he had last stopped, and Alex took position once more. The smile on his face made Macen’s heart want to stop as he sat there, a noodle still hanging from his mandible.

“I can take off into the dreaming sky… because I’m not alone.” Alex winked as he moved, following the song. “Wherever it is, I feel like I can go across the distant sky…”

Then the music swelled as it led into the final chorus. Macen forgot how to breathe in that moment as he watched his costar dance and sing along to the ancient song. All he could think of was how much better he had gotten since the days of CIH…

And how much he wanted to kiss him.

“It’s not enough to put into words, so I’m putting it into a song I’m wishing will reach you.” Another smile as Alex twirled, then began his final pose as the song began to wind down. “Beating my heart~”

The last pose, with his head cocked to the side and hands clasped together, held as the music faded. Then there was silence in the living room as Macen struggled to remember how to function. Right then, there was nothing there but Alex and the table in front of him that kept him in place.

Shit.

“It probably needs some work, but I think I’ve got the basics considering it’s only been a couple hours.” Alex landed back on the couch, picking his food back up. “What do you think, Macen? Got anything you noticed?”

Yeah… his heart was still beating like crazy.

“Macen?”

The turian shook his head – probably launching the noodle in the process. At least it didn’t hit the man next to him, so he could thank his lucky stars for that. However, it was hard to think then as so many feelings and thoughts crashed together.

He was supposed to be calling it off… that was why he came over. This was just supposed to be a sex thing… but every bone in his carapace was telling him to grab the other man and kiss the daylights out of him. They hadn’t even ever kissed outside of sex or prepping for scenes…

What the hell was wrong with him?

“I uh… I don’t know the song, but maybe hold the last pose a bit longer. They might be able to make your eyes light up a bit more.”

Alex nodded at this. “I’ll make a note. Also, don’t you hate cold noodles? Last time you wouldn’t stop complaining when the delivery guy was late…”

Right then, Macen wasn’t sure what he hated or liked as he shoveled the food into his mouth. He just needed something, anything to keep him away from the thoughts currently blooming in his mind.

He knew this path – he hated it. It never ended well. And long ago he had told himself he was never going to walk down it again if he had any sense in his head. This was nothing more than a rehash on an old teenage crush… he could overpower it.

“We need our energy to practice.” He slurped down the last noodle, glad that none were sticking to his face this time. “Tomorrow’s going to be hell if we’re not ready.”

At least his costar nodded as he worked to finish his dinner. “Tell me about it, I have a damn imprint on my trigger finger from that damn gun…”

Well, at least on the bright side that question got answered. It did nothing to quell the bubbling feelings Macen was trying so desperately to beat down, but at least his curiosity was sated for the moment. Maybe that would get him through filming.

One thing was for sure… he was fucked. No way about it – he was just plain fucked. The universe was laughing at him, and he only had himself to blame. All he could do was hope he could hold back and wait for the feelings to pass.

If they didn’t… see the previous statement for clarification. Fuck… he was supposed to be a turian sharpshooter, not a lovesick puppy. He didn’t sign up for this.

[skycollides]

If you write for Tiggy (if not then EZ!) one where he’s being kinda pissy and rude to reader his gf and she doesn’t say anything about it, but the others confront him? Then he like does her nails or something for her lol tyyy

Painting Nails and Spilling Beans

Ez x Reader

Authors note: I apologize in advance for grammar mistakes

English isn’t my native language.

Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist.

Warning: swearing , heartbreak, happy end

Words: 1.983

You’ve been worried about your boyfriend Ez for a week now. He’s acting n to his usual self. Not having a proper conversation only short answers and when you ask him what’s wrong- the answer is aways nothing and you can’t stand it. He usually tells you when somethings bothering and you find a solution for the problem together but not this time. On top of that he hasn’t been at home for 2 days now and you’re getting worried since he isn’t answering any of your calls. So you decide to text Angel hoping he can tell you about his whereabouts.

Hey Angel,

do you know where your

brother is. I can’t get a

hold of him?

Hey Y/n,

yes I do. We’re all

here at the clubhouse.

Come over and join the

party. I have missed 

having you around.

Great so he can party with the guys but not return your calls. Is the first thing that comes to your mind after reading Angels answer. You get dressed and do your make up before heading to the scrap yard. Once you arrive you already hear the music blasting and see people outside of the clubhouse. It looks like the party started hours ago. A voice pulls you out of your thoughts.

’’Hey sweetheart’’ you hear Bishops voice.

’’Hey Bish’’ you say and give him a hug.

’’It’s good to see you. It’s been awhile’’

’’That’s true. Have you seen Ez somewhere?’’

’’Yes they’re inside. Go on we can catch up later.’’he smiles.

’’Thank you Obispo. Yes definitely.’’ you say and return his smile.

You head inside the clubhouse and hear Angels laugh. You look in the direction where it’s coming from and see Ez there with him so is Coco.

You make your way over and Angel is the first one to notice you.

’’Hey stranger! I’m happy you made it’’

’’Hey guys good to see you. Erm Ez can I talk to you?’’ you ask him and he completely ignores you continuing talking to Coco. Your face drops and Angel has a confused look on his face. He looks at you and you shake your head not wanting to spill your and Ez’s problems there.

’’Ez I gotta talk to you!’’ you say louder and grab his arm. He shakes your hand off his arm and looks at you before he starts to speak.

’’Can’t you take a hint. What do you think why I haven’t been home? I don’t wanna talk to you. Hop off my dick for goodness sake and leave me alone. Go and annoy someone else.’’ he says rudely before he gets up to get a new beer. You stand there not understanding what’s going on. He never raised his voice at you or been so rude to you before. Tears are streaming down your face and Angel tries to hug you but you move backwards. You turn around and leave the clubhouse in a hurry. You practically run to your car trying to get away from there a fast as you can.

As soon as you get home you go straight to your bedroom locking the door behind you before you let yourself fall onto your bed and cry yourself to sleep.

After you left: Clubhouse

’’What the fuck was that?’’ Coco asks confused.

’’I have no fucking idea. All I know is that she is the sweetest girl I’ve ever met and she doesn’t deserve to be treated like this.’’ Angel says not understanding what is going on with his brother. Seeing you in tears breaks his heart. He has seen you as the little sister he never had ever since Ez brought you to the family dinner about a year ago.

Bishop enters the clubhouse and make his way to Angel and Coco.

’’Is there a reason why Y/n left in a hurry crying?’’ he asks with an eyebrow rising

’’My brother is an asshole I thinks that pretty much sums up what happened.’’ Angel says.

Ez comes back and the 3 men stare at him.

’’What?’’he asks.

’’What? This all you gotta say? What the hell is wrong with you?’’ Coco says.

’’Nothing and I would appreciate it if you all would stop ask me this all the time’’ he says and storms out of the clubhouse. The three of them stare at each other not used to Ez acting like this.

’’I’ll talk to him’’ Angel says and leaves the clubhouse. He sees the lights on in Ez’s trailer so he walks there opens the door and slams it shut behind him.

’’I talk you listen Ezekiel. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with you but you need to stop lashing out on everyone like this. There is something wrong we ll can see it. You can say there is nothing wrong as often as you want but none of us believes you. It is not our fault that you feel like this and especially not Y/n’s. She is worried about you because she loves you and you act this way? Dud be happy you have a woman like her in your life. She doesn’t deserve to be treated like this. I won’t have it. She’s like the little sister I never had and I hate so see her like his all sad and shit Ez get it together!’’ Ez looks up to his older brother and Angel sees the change in his eyes. Tears are starting to form.

’’I fucked up didn’t I?’’ he asks his brother quietly.

’’Yes you did but we can fix this. You stay here and tomorrow morning you go home and talk with Y/n tell her finally what’s bothering you if you’re not comfortable talking to me about it. But more importantly apologize to her.’’ Angel says and pats his shoulder before leaving Ez alone in his trailer.

Next Day - Your Pov.

You wake up with a bad headache from all the crying before. You take fresh clothes and make your way towards the bathroom hoping the painkillers are still there. You reach the bathroom and open the door and there he is. Ez is standing in the middle of the bathroom looking at you with wide eyes. You drop your clothes wanting to leave Ez stops you and pulls you in his arms.

’’I’m sorry mi reina. You don’t deserve the shit I put you through the past week and especially not what I did last night. I feel ashamed for how I talked to you last night. All I can do is apologize and promise you it won’t happen again baby. I love you so much.’’ he end his speech with kissing your head. You look up to him and see tears in his eyes. You give him a short kiss on the lips and say:

’’Be happy I love Ezekiel.’’ you say and he lets go of you.

’’Wanna hop in?’’ he says nodding towards the bathtub and now you realize your surroundings.

The tub is filled with water and there are candles standing there along with a cup of your favorite tea. You nod and get undressed before you sit down and lean back with your eyes closed.

’’Mind if I join you?’’ he asks but you turn him down.

’’What makes you think I want you in here with me after last night’’ you and his smile fades.

’’I was suffering last night now it’s your time to suffer Ezekiel. Go and get chair.’’ and Ez dies as he’s told hoping it will help him to get out if the dog house.

Once he returns you open your eyes and look at him.

’’Can you hand me a painkiller? My head is killing me’’ you say and once again he’s does as he’s told.

’’Now Ez over there’’ you say and point your finger to the box where you keep all your nail polish.

’’open the box get the purple one and please start doing my nails’’ you say and look into his eyes. He nods and gets the purple nail polish before sitting down. He takes your hand and give you a  massage. After he is done he kisses the back of your hand and starts to paint your nails. When he is done you look at your hand and you’re quit happy with the result.

’’Wow I’m impressed Ez. More hidden talents I should know of baby?’’ you say with a smile.

’’Well you’ve got a lifetime to find out Y/n’’ he says and you nod.

’’Sounds good’’ you say before turning in the tub sitting now on the other side so he can start with your other hand. After he finished the second hand he put the polish back to where it belongs and takes the chair back to the kitchen. He shortly returns to you and you’re already out of the tub wrapped up in your fluffy towel. You open your arms for Ez and he glad excepts your hug.

’’Thank you! I really needed this’’ you say and kiss his lips. He returns the kiss taking your head in his hands pulling you closer. You move back and sit down on the floor. He looks down at you and you ask him to sit next to you. Ez sits down and you start to speak.

’’Will you tell me what’s going on now?’’ you ask and he nods.

’’You read about the guy in the newspaper the one who killed himself?’’ he says and you nod.

’’It wasn’t suicide. I made hit look like it. He became a threat to the Galindos and Emily asked me to do something about it. I wasn’t supposed to kill him. It was an accident you have to believe me.’’ he practically begs. You can’t believe what you’re hearing. You’re more shocked about the fact that he is still talking to his Ex than the fact that he killed someone. 

’’I don’t know what to say Ez.’’ you say shaking your head before getting off the floor, taking your clothes and leaving the bathroom. You head to the bedroom and close the door behind you. Once you’re dressed you pull out a pack of cigarettes and head out to the back yard. You sit down and light one up. You usually don’t smoke only when you’re completely stressed out which is now the case. Your thought are running wild. Is he cheating on you? How long has he been talking to his Ex behind your back? Do the others know? A bunch of questions are that stress you out even more. You hear the door open and Ez makes his way towards you. He sits down you ask him the questions that have been haunting you for the past 15 minutes.

’’Are you cheating on me? with Emily?’’ you ask anxiously.

’’No mi reina I would never do you hear me never I swear.’’ he says.

’’Does anyone know what you did?’’

’’Only Emily. I didn’t tell her but it was clear to her that it wasn’t suicide. The only other person who knows is you baby. I trust no one like I trust you. You’re the only one I completely open up to. I’m sorry. I didn’t want to bother you with this shit. So I thought pushing you away I wouldn’t feel the urge to tell you. I love you Y/n!’’

’’Do me a favor and stay away from her Ezekiel. She is up to no good. And please don’t push me away like this ever again. I love you Ez more than you know.’’ you say and lean your head on his shoulder. The both of you sit there in silence simply enjoying each others company. You’re happy Ez finally told you what’s bothering him now the both of you can move on from what’s happened.

Taglist:

@everyhowlmarksthedead

@mayans-sauce

@justatiredfool

@lovebennycolonmiguelgalindo

@queenbeered

@ocetevasgirl

@spookys-girl

@charcoocheurie

@nadinesabre

@starrynite7114

@angelreyesgirl

[youllneverknowrac]

Oscar Diaz-Birthday Bash Pt.2

(Momma Bear Series)

When you finish getting dolled up, a breezy summer dress now on your body you head to the back yard, all of your kids outside helping Ruby decorate the backyard, including Cesar. Minus Alexander of course who sat happily in Jasmines arms as she watched her boyfriend command everything into perfection. Oscar working on firing the grill up.

“Hey girl, you look good.” The still crazy outgoing girl, now women compliments when you walk up to her.

“Thanks, so do you. Love the earrings. So where’s Monse?” You ask as you take a seat next to her,”Jamal?”

“Jamal is showing up after he gets off of work and Monsé couldn’t couldn’t make it. Something about her dad and his ankle this morning, I don’t know.” She shrugs, making faces down at Alex.

“That’s too bad.” You say sadly,”I’ll ask Cesar to find out what exactly happened.” Looking around as your backyard is slowly getting covered inch by inch in party decor,”I don’t know why Ruby hasn’t become a official party planner.” You joke

“Because I would go crazy with how stressed to the max he would be all the time. I don’t need that in my life and neither does nobody else.” She laughs, letting you think it over before agreeing with her statement.

“Okay true.” You say, making small talk with her before your husbands voice grabs your attention.

“Yo birthday boy! Bring daddy a beer.” You hear Oscar yell from across the yard, Angel sitting down and trying his best to blow up a balloon.

“Uh no!” You call out quickly to him, standing up and doing it yourself,”Don’t have our three year old bring you alcohol.” You scold playfully as you shove the can to his chest when you reach him.

“Aye, I’m fucking thirsty mama.” Oscar defends as he grabs the beer and pops the tab, the grill heating up,”Besides he’s a big boy now right? So I gave him a big boy task.”

“You’re so annoying.” You laugh and turn to walk away, Oscar smacking your ass roughly,”Stop.” You squeal, running away to go make yourself useful. Oscar’s loud laugh filling your ears.

“Hey boys.” You smile, watching as Cesar and Ruby secure the yellow plastic cover over one of the rental tables, your kids doing the same at another one.

“Y/N.” They both say in unison, offering a smile to follow

“Can I do anything to help out?” You ask

“No. We got this.” Your brother in law says, Ruby holding his finger up in disapproval.

“Actually, I noticed you guys didn’t have any dip or sauce for the snack table so if you could whip something up that would make everything look a lot more presentable. Thank you.”

“Right. Dip, I’m on it.” You smile and wave them off, running inside as Jasmine follows in,”If you want to set him down, his rocker is in the living room.” You tell her, pulling out a large bowl from the cabinets.

“I guess, he’s asleep anyway.” She says and puts him down before joining you,”Want me to help?”

“Sure. I have a basket of avocados and tomatoes in the fridge, I may have some limes and cilantro as well.” You tell her, Jasmine nodding.

The two of you work swift and quick around the kitchen, working as one and before you know it a beautiful bowl of guacamole is prepared. You glance at the clock on the wall as you make your way outside again, the party almost about to start. You admire the transformation in front of you, a huge grin on your face. The slide taking up most of your yard, a little kiddie pool set up for the younger kids, the speaker now blasting music, and baby shark decorations covering every inch.

“Ruby!” You say happily as you set the bowl down outside near the chips,”Everything is so perfect. You’re the best.”

“It was a bit of work, but I’m glad you like it.” He grins, fixing the collar on his button up shirt,”I’ll take my payment please. I’m now accepting cashapp as well.”

“You can talk to my husband about that one.” Motioning over to him as he worked on filling large foil trays with patty’s and sausages.

“I will do that...um no problem.” Ruby’s says and takes off in that direction, his fiancée following. Knowing that Ruby still had a unresolved nervous tick when it came to talking to Oscar sometimes.

“Hey Uncle Cesar.” You call out as you walk over to sit by the kiddie pool, watching Angel play. The older boys already making use of the slides.

“What’s up?”

“Can you please go get your nephew from the living room and then come tell me why Monse hasn’t been coming around anymore?” You ask

“Fine. Only cause I know you’re going to keep bugging me about it.” He groans, darting off inside the house.

“Mommy? I want to go on the big slide.” Angel says from the pool,”But I’m a wittle scared.” He admits shyly

“The slides for you papi. You don’t need to be be scared. Go ask Ant or JJ to help you, I’m sure they will.”

“Okay.” He grins excitedly, pushing the curls off his face before he goes in search of his big brothers.

One at a time, people start showing up to the party, Cesar joining you a few minutes later,”Had to change him, it was a messy one.” He says, handing over the fussy baby.

“Thanks.” You smile and let Alex chew on your knuckle as he brings it to his mouth,”So where is your long time girlfriend at?”

“She’s always busy with work and her dad, I don’t know. We’re just sort of drifting apart. That doesn’t mean she didn’t want to come today though, her dad messed up his ankle and she’s staying with him for a few days.” He explains, not being one to beat around the bush when it came to you.

“Why are you letting it drift apart then stupid?” You ask him with a raised eyebrow,”You can’t let adult shit keep you guys from being together. You guys are endgame, like me and Oscar.”

“I know, it’s just hard. And I don’t want it to be hard. I know we’ll get through it though, we always do. I just have to give her some space and she has to do the same for me. You know we’ve always been like that, it’s just how out relationship works.”

“It shouldn’t work like that though. You guys are 24 now, it’s time to buckle down. Don’t you agree to some extent?” You say with a small smile,”I’m not trying to tell you what to do, but I’ve been in your life since you were 5. I care about you and love you. I just don’t want you to waste the best years of your life with Monse just for it to go no where, same for her. You both deserve a happy stable relationship.” A flashback popping into your mind of when you were 15 and Oscar brought you over to his house for the first time ever and you met a certain little Diaz brother.

“I know hermana, and I appreciate it but I don’t want to talk about this. At least not today. Okay?”

“Okay.” You sigh, changing your mood,”Now, go enjoy that really expensive slide with your nephews please. They missed you.”

“Will do.” He smiles and walks around to join the boys.

You sit back in the chair and enjoy the sun, watching as your back yard gets filled by the minute. Jamal managing to get off of work a bit earlier and picking up his growing family on the way, not really a surprise to you that he ended up being a young dad as well whenever Kendra got pregnant in their final year of college.

“Is that the Mrs.Oscar Diaz?” You hear him joke as he walks over with a pregnant Kendra and two year old daughter in his arms.

“Why yes it is.” You laugh and do a little shoulder shimmy. Standing up and placing Alex in the kiddy pool before you go over to hug the both of them.

“How have you guys been?” You grin from ear to ear,”How’s the parent life treating you?” You ask along with a bunch of other questions, always having loved the chats you shared with them. They make conversation with you for a while before going over to sit with Ruby and Jasmine, their daughter now sitting in the pool with Alex and two other baby’s from the neighborhood. After asking one of the other moms to keep a eye on Alex, you walk back over to Oscar. Standing on the other side of the grill this time, not wanting to feel his hand on your backside again.

“Where’s my food chef?” You joke as you push all of your hair to one shoulder.

“Aye, I’m going as fast as I can mami. Lot’s of people asking me for food around here.” He says with a wave of the spatula, his forehead covered in sweat.

“I’m sure Cesar wouldn’t mind taking over.” You suggest

“Do you want our kids party to end in flames? He ain’t coming no where near my grill.”

“You’re right.” You giggle in agreement,”But I think you’ve made enough to hold people over for a while.” You say after taking a look at both trays filled with meat,”Come enjoy the party. Please.”

“Only for a bit.” He says, switching the fire off before coming around to join you.

“Yay.” You cheer softly and wrap your arms around him when he’s in arms reach,”Let’s get some of the food you worked so hard on.”

“Gladly.” He says and pecks your lips before releasing you and reaching for a plate as you do the same. Once the two of you are satisfied you go back to your original spot by the pool and take a seat, Oscar by your side as you both talk and eat. Him being the one to discard of the trash when you’re both full and have had enough. When he returns he has a crying Carlos in his arms, clinging to his neck.

“Oh my god, what happened?” You ask quickly, letting Oscar place the six year old boy in you lap as you hold him to your chest.

“He fell, got a little cut on his knee. He’ll be okay but he wanted me to bring him to you. He said he’ll believe he’s okay when you say it.” Oscar informs you as he sits back down,”Apparently I don’t know shit about cuts so he’s got to hear it from the expert. Which would be mommy.” He chuckles.

“Shut up.” You say followed by a large eye roll before you cater to your son,”Does it hurt papi?” You ask him softly as you stroke his damp hair back

“A little. Is my leg going to fall off mommy?” He asks, little sniffles still coming from him.

“No. It’s not going to fall off.” You laugh and kiss his forehead,”You’re going to be all okay. I promise. Just sit with me for a few minutes and rest your leg. Then you can go play again, sound good?” You ask him

“Sounds good.” He answers quickly and lays his head against you, letting you cuddle him. You know people loved to judge you about how you ‘baby’ your kids but you didn’t care. They were your baby’s and always will be. Oscar actually liking that you treated them with such love and affection since it was something he never had growing up,”I feel better mommy, can I go now?” He asks not even two minutes later.

“Yes, just be careful.” You tell him seriously before letting him down from your lap, watching him take off back to the slide at a super speed.

“Must be nice. I pick him up, clean the cut and put the bandaid on, but you get all the love and credit.” Oscar comments next to you, a grin on his face.

“They are mommas boys, you should have gave me a girl if you wanted love and credit.” You smile and reach for his hand.

“We still have a few years of trying left in us. We can always get that girl. Maybe I’ll have a gift for you tonight and she’ll get here sooner rather than later.”

“Yeah right. The only person getting gifts is Angel and if your so called ‘gift’ ever comes near me again it better be wrapped. No baby’s here. Ever again.” You tell him seriously as you point to your stomach,”Five and done.”

“Sure.” He says smugly, taking a sip from the beer can.

“Damn right I’m sure. What the hell would we look like with six kids? Plus Junior is going to be 18 soon, we would have an adult for a kid and a newborn. You’re crazy.” You laugh

“We would look like a normal Hispanic family and we wouldn’t have to pay for a babysitter.” He laughs in return,”Besides I’m not being totally serious, I’m just messing with you.”

“Good.” You say and squeeze his hand,”I’m glad we’re on the same page. Now let’s cut the cake and then we can do presents.”

“Yeah just what we need, more monster trucks and fake tools laying around the house.” Oscar laughs as he stands up, helping you to your feet. The present table over flowing with boxes and gifts bags.

“I’ll just get rid of his old toys, he won’t even notice. I’ll get the baby and you go get the cake. Or do you want to switch?” You ask

“Switch.” He grins, already walking past you to pick up Alexander. You smile and head inside, grabbing the cake and cupcakes, along with a lighter. Oscar loudly instructing everybody to gather around, Angel rushing to the center of the table and climbing up on the chair.

“Cake! Hurry mommy.” He says excitedly with a clap of his hands.

“I’m coming.” You tell him and you hurry over and set everything down in front of him, lighting the three candles before stepping back.

“Nobody better smash his head into anything! Now sing!” Oscar quickly adds in before the famous birthday song commences, everybody keeping their hands to themselves when it comes to a end. A loud cheer erupts when he blows out the flame, Angel over joyed at this.

You help pass out the treats, letting everybody have time to eat before moving onto gifts. The rest of the part continuing to be just as perfect and lasting until late at night. Most of the kids passed out in random places around your house as the parents enjoy themselves until you nicely kick them all out.

~

“Thanks again for staying to clean up.��� You thank Cesar at the door,”get home safely. Love you.”

“Love you guys.” He says, heading to his car after and driving away. You yawn tiredly and lock up, the time reading a little past one in the morning now. The older boys just going to bed a few minutes ago, wanting to enjoy the slide for as long as they could since it was being picked up early in the morning. Angel and Alex already in your bed and absolutely drained from today’s activities.

“I think that’s everything.” Oscar slurs as he comes in through the back door with another garbage bag filled with trash. He sets it down in the kitchen with all the others before stumbling towards you,”I’ll take it all out in the morning.”

“That’s okay with me.” You giggle and help him walk to your guys bedroom,”Drank a bit too much huh?”

“Just a bit.” He laughs,”But I still managed to clean the yard up pretty well.”

“You did. I’ll give you that.”

“I’m so tired mami, I need sleep.” He groans, kicking his shoes off and not bothering with his clothes as he goes over to the bed.

“Careful. The boys are asleep already.” You remind him, already undressing yourself and pulling a t-shirt over your body, Oscar grumbling in understanding. Showering could just wait until tomorrow. You join them in bed, your eyes already closing before your head even hits the pillow. Today being long, hectic, tiring, and happy all rolled into one. Knowing that in just a few more months you would be throwing another party and then another after that. Which was all okay with you, you loved your boys and their birthdays were something you took pride in making special. This was the life you signed up for after all with five kids and what not.

[shelbywanders]

Chapter 23: Infertile

So...let’s start from the beginning yeah?

February 2018, we found out the best news, we were expecting! With my past history, we thought for sure we would be trying for a while. So the fact that I was staring at a positive pregnancy test after just a mere two months trying to get pregnant was unreal. But 9 extremely long, tiring and definitely taken for granted months, out popped the greatest gift I’ve ever been given; my Adeline Mae! 

She was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever laid eyes on, I know that sounds so cliche. She came out looking like her daddy’s clone (go figure) except for that sweet little button nose & I just couldn’t believe that we had made something so damn perfect. 

I won’t get into the details of being a new mum and all that jazz in this post, but of course, there’s a lot that goes on in the first year. But one thing that started to get on me and my husband’s minds pretty quickly was growing our family. When Addy was around 6 months, we decided it was time to start trying again. We always talked about having our kiddos close in age and at the time, we wanted lots of them. I had a hard pregnancy with Addy, but that didn’t change my feelings about wanting that big family I always dreamed of having with the person I loved. I have three younger brothers who are 10, 8, & 7. I’ve grown to love how close they are in age and wanted that for my kids too. Me and my older sister are 4 years apart and while we’re super close now, there came a time where we weren't. We’ve always envisioned ourselves with kids just a couple years apart, and get all of our baby making years out of the way so that we can then stop, relax and watch all our kids grow up together. Of course, plans don’t always exactly go as planned. 

I exclusively breastfed Adeline until she was 20 months. When we started trying, my periods had returned but weren’t regular at all anymore. So I started my TTC journey a bit different than I did back in 2018. OPK’s became my best friend and little did I know how many I would go through the next almost two years and counting. But they did help me learn more about my cycle and I grew accustomed over constantly peeing on things every day. 

We were super excited in the beginning, it always is. It’s fun, it’s sexy, it’s exhilarating. The two week wait is exciting as you anxiously wait to pee on some more sticks. The first few times of getting your period, of course it’s a let down, but you keep on keeping on because surely...it will happen soon! Until it doesn’t...

Around Addy’s first birthday which was around 6/7 months of trying I started to get that aching feeling that was new to me. Why isn’t it happening? Shouldn't I be pregnant by now? What are we doing wrong? In our grand plan of our life, I was wanting to be pregnant by Addy’s first birthday and that came and went. Sex wasn’t much fun anymore, I was tired of having to buy more ovulation tests and tired of squinting at clearly negative but also wait, is that a line? tests over and over again. But of course...we just kept trying, praying that next month will be our month. 

December came, month 7/8. I was so busy creating orders for my small shop and we weren’t hardcore tracking. We did the the deed once, the day before my birthday. Two weeks later, I realized I was late. Two days late actually. What?! This hasn’t happened before...grabbed the nearest test to me and finally. Finally. Two pink little lines. A faint line, but a line nonetheless! We were pregnant!!! I remember running to the store to get more tests because I have to see the progression, ya know, peace of mind. I stopped in the kids clothing section and spotted a cute “Big Sister” shirt and grabbed it. I wanted Addy to wear it out and see how long it took my hubby to notice what her shirt said. Unfortunately, she never got to wear that shirt and it’s stashed in the bottom of her dresser three sizes too small now. 

To keep it short and sweet, we lost our squishy baby that should’ve stuck around for 9 months and created a family of four just a couple of weeks after finding out. Instead, it started a whirlwind of emotions that I didn’t even know I could feel and a fight that we’re still battling to as I type this all out. Maybe one day I’ll make another blog about the miscarriage and all the feelings that came with it, just not in this post. 

At this point, here we are entering 2020 grieving the loss of what would’ve been. We picked ourselves up as much as we could and kept on going. Trying. Praying. Crying. Trying. Praying. Crying. We hit a year TTC in May 2020 and I felt a new level of hopelessness. Chapter 23: Infertile?... But how? I’ve gotten pregnant easily in the past, I’ve carried a baby, my body has done this before...what is wrong? 13 months TTC and we had the talk. The talk about trying to find answers and get some help. I set up a costly consultation with a fertility clinic in June. Our insurance doesn’t cover anything so of course, it was a big decision we had to make. While waiting for my cycle to start so that we could start fertility treatments, I had my first chemical pregnancy. So that was another heartache...moving on. 

August 2020, I have my first medicated cycle with my RE. I was on Clomid 50mg, triggered with Ovidrel and progesterone supplements after ovulation. The first cycle was perfect. Absolutely beautiful. I was ecstatic! My body responded so well to the meds and I ovulated at the perfect time and everything seemed great. Didn’t get pregnant, which sucked. $1200 in the hole, but hey! The meds worked. Let’s try again. Second cycle, same thing. My body didn’t respond at all. Nothing. Cycle cancelled...$1200 done the drain again. At this point the holidays were quickly approaching and our wallets were struggling so we put a hold on fertility treatments and we haven’t done any since. The month after we stopped, I had another chemical. That felt like a big ol’ screw you. 

Hold tight, you’re almost caught up! We’re nearing the end of 2020, thank GOD. That hellish year needed to leave STAT. January 2021. New starts, new chances. I had an appt with my primary to talk about what I have been suspecting to be the problem of our infertility struggles. And that’s when a diagnosis came around. PCOS. I’m sure you’ve heard of it. it’s one of the most common reproductive conditions in women and one of the leading causes for infertility. It runs in my family, my symptoms matched, I just couldn’t see it being anything else. As for Addy? I truly think we just got lucky. Blessed. I will never question it. I’m beyond grateful because I cannot imagine not having her right now. I started on Metformin a couple of weeks ago, a drug that helps treat PCOS. I also started a diet and have lost about 15 lbs so far! My motivation is because after this we will probably start doing IUI’s and I want to make sure I’m in good health so that are chances are as good as they can be. But of course...we are praying and hoping that it doesn’t come to that and by some miracle, we get pregnant naturally again before we go down that road. 

So there it is! You’re caught up. I didn’t go into many details on individual experiences because I knew this post was already going to be long. I just felt like a little synopsis of our TTC & infertility journey was needed before I continue writing about my experiences! I’ve felt pretty alone, even though I have people around me who care and love for me but they just haven’t gone through this so it’s hard to relate to anyone. I find writing to help. Getting it out there even if no one reads it. I am absolutely determined to make 2021 beautiful and I believe in every inch of me that our rainbow baby is coming to us. This month. Next month. Maybe at the end of the year. But I know it will happen...I can’t lose hope even if I wanted to. I’m hoping by sharing our journey, we can all find hope within each other. You’re not alone. I’m not alone. Our wishes will come true. Our prayers will be answered. As they say...even miracles take a little time. 

xoxo shelby 

[imaginingsoftly]

4 Times He Left You Behind and 1 Time He Didn’t - Matt Grzelcyk

Type: childhood friends to lovers, age progression, fluffy

Requested: No

Warnings: N/A

(Y/N = Your name)

A/N: I love these 4+1 fics, and thought I’d try my hand at writing one. Let me know if you’d like to see more of them!

1: 5 Years Old

Your small legs struggled to keep up with the boys. They were only a year older than you, but your brother and Matty were somehow flying ahead of you, one of their steps making up two of yours. Matty had promised you would play together today, but then your brother asked him if he wanted to play in the pool and he was gone. Your brother had yelled back at you to keep up, and you were trying, but they were too fast. They didn’t even notice you weren’t behind them anymore, and you trudged back to your mom sadly. 

She looked at you and then at the pool, where your brother and Matty were now slapping each other with pool noodles. “He’ll slow down for you one day honey, you’ll see. They’re just boys right now.” You didn’t believe her. You were too small to play with the boys. 

Matty came back to play with you when your brother began playing tag with the other boys, and you were both too young to understand the look your parents gave each other as Matty handed you a plate of dino chicken nuggets to share.

2: 10 Years Old

The boys were going down to the creek to build a treehouse, and your brother had promised you could tag along if you could keep up. They had hopped on their bikes and taken off, and you were left to try and catch up to them. They were better at biking than you, your mom not letting you go out and bike as much as your brother, and you were quickly falling behind.

“Matty, wait up,” you called ahead, hoping that he would slow down. He turned around for a second, and you saw him hesitate before one of the boys grabbed his arm and tugged. Matty turned forward again and began pedalling faster to catch up to the others, but he threw another look of regret back in your direction. “Sorry,” he mouthed. You slowly turned your bike around to head home again. 

Your mom was waiting when you walked back in, a cookie and some chocolate milk waiting. She knew without you speaking that the boys had left you behind. “They’re boys, Y/N. I’ll talk to your brother about slowing down for you. One day they’ll be chasing you, just watch.” You rolled your eyes. No way would any of those boys be chasing you. You didn’t want them to; they were gross, and they were friends with your brother. 

Matty came over for dinner that night, and he gave you his cookie afterwards. “Sorry, Y/N,” he said, “I didn’t know where they were going or I would have waited for you.” You shrugged, and split the cookie in half. As you handed him the larger piece, you said, “it’s okay, Matty. I know nobody wants a girl tagging along.” He didn’t have a response, you could see that, so you smacked his shoulder and jumped up, yelling “tag! You’re it!” 

Your parents laughed as you took off running across the house, Matty laughing and jumping up as well. He tagged your brother, and then all hell broke loose. It was one of your favorite summertime memories. 

3: 15 Years Old

Matty’s games were your favorite events to go to. Sometimes he invited a girl, and you’d become their go-to source of information on everything hockey when they didn’t know the rules, which was often. Most of the time they were cool, and spent a lot of the game asking you for embarrassing stories about him. This new girlfriend was your least favorite so far. She had a problem with you, for some reason, and she rolled her eyes every time someone made an inside joke. The group you were with had been together for years, mostly neighborhood kids that had been together in diapers, but she was from Belmont. She’d met Matty at one of the Belmont High School football games, when Matty went to go watch one of his teammate’s brothers play and she was cheerleading. 

“So, like, why do you come to Matthew’s games if you’re not dating anyone?” You looked at her questioningly. “I grew up with Matty,” you said slowly, “I’ve been going to his games since he learned how to skate. He played with my brother.” That earned you another eye roll. She didn’t speak to you for the rest of the game, which made it more pleasant, and you and the rest of the group spent the third period yelling at Matty to shoot. It was one of his pet peeves, but you knew it would make him laugh coming from you guys. 

Matty took longer to come out of the locker room than if you guys were going back to his house to watch a movie. For him that wasn’t unusual; he usually took longer when a girl came to the games, and actually fixed his hair rather than slapping his ratty old Red Sox hat on. The girl threw herself into his arms as soon as he appeared, and you made gagging noises behind her back. Matty saw and chuckled a little, which the girl took to mean he was happy to see her. She smashed her lips onto his, and you’d had enough of the horror show, preferring to greet the other guys to watching your best friend get his face sucked. 

“You coming with us, Y/N?” You didn’t get a chance to answer before the girl was cutting in. “I was hoping we’d get a chance to spend some time alone together, Matthew,” she said in what you thought was supposed to be a seductive tone. She began pulling Matty away before you could even congratulate him on the win, and he barely turned around to look at you before turning back to the girl. 

Your mom was sitting in the kitchen when you stomped back to the house, mumbling under your breath. “Boys,” you cut your mother off before she could say what she always said. “No, mom,” you shouted, “it’s not going to change! He’s always going to leave me behind.” Your voice broke on the last syllable, and she was sweeping you into a hug. “Oh, honey,” she whispered, “you’ll see. That boy follows you around like a lost puppy most of the time. He just hasn’t figured it out yet.”

Matty showed up later that night, climbing the tree outside your house onto the roof by your window. You were already sitting on the windowsill, waiting for him to show up. You didn’t speak when he sat down next to you, and you knew he could tell you were angry. “I broke up with her,” he said quietly. “She had a problem with us being friends. And she called me Matthew.” He made a face at the last sentence, and you giggled a little. It was hard to stay mad at him. Matty leaned his head onto your shoulders, and you reached down to grip his hand. You sat like that for hours, and didn’t notice when your mom opened your door quietly and took a photo. 

4: 20 Years Old

Spending a year in Montreal was going to be good for you and your career, you knew that, but it didn’t make leaving home any easier. You were spending your last year abroad, perfecting your French and learning marketing from somewhere other than BU. Your parents held a party to celebrate your move, a going away and a congratulations party all in one, but really you knew it was just an excuse to get everyone together for a little while. Your friend group had spread out as the years went on, with moves and new professions and college and professional hockey. Matty had stayed nearby, at least, but now you were going to be apart anyway. 

“What’cha thinking about, Y/N?” Matty bumped your shoulder with his own, and you almost fell over with the force of the bump. You shook your head, and he shrugged. “I’m gonna miss you, nerd. Who else is going to look after the rookies on campus this year?” You laughed, and bumped Matty’s shoulder back. “I’ve got something to make you smile,” he said mischievously. “Tag!” Matty smacked your shoulder and took off running, laughing like a little kid as he dodged people across the deck. You laughed and took off after him, chasing him like always. 

The game took almost an hour before everyone called it quits, and by the end the entire neighborhood group had joined in, even your brother with your nephew strapped across his chest. As luck would have it, Matty was the last person who got tagged. You caught him on the ankle as he tried to jump into a tree, and he dropped back down in front of you. “Tie?” He held out his hand for you to shake on, and you grabbed it with a nod. “Tie.”

Your mom looked on and turned to Mrs. Grzelcyk with a smile. “They’ve been chasing each other their entire lives. It’s nice to see they can still be children about it.” Mrs. Grzelcyk laughed and nodded. You and Matty were too busy sharing dino chicken nuggets like you did when you were little to notice. 

+ 1: 25 Years Old

It was sunny outside, and the breeze from the ocean was fluttering the curtain to your right. Your mom was adjusting your dress with a serious expression on her face, and Mrs. Grzelcyk was sitting in a chair trying not to cry. Today was your wedding day, and Matty was somewhere in the house waiting to go outside. 

The Cape was shining in the sunlight, and the breeze knocked white fabric around your ankles gently. Matty stood at the end of the aisle of sand with all of your two sets of brothers, and you could see he was already tearing up. Your dad was definitely already crying next to you, and you were struggling to hold it together. Everyone in the chairs had been witness to the dance you and Matty had been performing since you were little, whether they knew it at the time or not. So many of them had said I told you so when you and Matty finally got together upon your return from Montreal, no one more so than your mother. 

Your vows were short and sweet, more about reminiscing on your childhood than anything. “I left her behind more often than not when we were little,” Matty admitted to a crowd who loudly agreed, and you laughed harder every time he shared a story. “For some reason she always stuck around, although I suspect it was because of the dino chicken nuggets.” You leaned forward far enough that your head was resting on Matty as you laughed, and you felt his chest move as he laughed along with you. “I promise you, Y/N, that even when it feels like I’m leaving you behind, I will always come back to you.” You weren’t laughing anymore, but crying. Your story was one of him always coming back, and you hadn’t ever thought about it that way. 

Later that evening your mom found the two of you, slipping a small box into your hands. “I took this when you were teenagers,” she said with a small smile, “and I’ve been saving it for your wedding day.” You looked at her incredulously. “I told you, Y/N, one day he would stop running from you. This is what I meant.” She hugged you both, and Matty slid the top off the box. Inside was a framed photo of the two of you sitting in the windowsill, a silhouette of two people joined in shadow, the moon illuminating only enough to see your outlines. 

You had spent so long chasing Matty, and now, like the picture, you were connected to each other by more than just friendship. 

[stahlop]

Making a Memory (3/?)

Once again, a big thanks to my betas @profdanglaisstuff and @thisonesatellite. This chapter was a bitch to write.

And thanks again to @gingerchangeling for her amazing artwork above!

Chapter 1 2

Ao3

The next two days felt like torture for both Hope and Alice. They had been told by the directors that they were lucky to be allowed to go into town and that they’d better behave themselves as they were representing the camp, to which Hope and Alice solemnly nodded. Henry had sent a text through Lori’s phone (another extra dollar to deliver the message) to meet at a coffee house in town at 11:00 to which Hope replied that she and Alice would be there (another dollar to text back).

 Hope had told Alice that Henry had confirmed they were sisters but nothing else, citing that this wasn’t something he could tell them over the phone. 

 “Maybe they both got amnesia and only remembered the last relationship they’d been in and that’s why they think our other parent is different?” Alice had suggested. Hope had thought that could be a possibility but then…

 “But what about the fire? Or is that where the amnesia came from?” 

 “Could be?” Alice said. “Maybe they both got amnesia from the fire and forgot the other and we just went with whichever one saved us.”

 “But that doesn’t explain Henry.” Hope said, which was also the fly in the ointment to every theory they came up with. Henry was the outlier. The only thing that didn’t make sense. As far as Hope knew, she and Henry both had the same father and Henry had never said anything different. Why would he lie to her for so many years about having a sister and potentially a different father?

 “I definitely think their memories have been altered or erased in some way.” Alice said. “My gut usually tells me if a person is lying, and Papa hasn’t lied to me once about thinking Milah was my Mama.” She frowned at the prospect that her gut could have been wrong about her Papa all these years.

 “Is it always right?” Hope asked. “I mean, you told me that it seemed to hate me on sight when we first got here, but it’s calmed down now, right?” Alice nodded. “Wait! Did you say it mainly tells you if someone is lying or not?” Hope asked, realizing what else Alice had said. Alice nodded. “My mom has that same thing. She can tell when someone is lying. I’ve always chalked it up to being able to read people well, but maybe it’s something you’ve inherited from her!” Hope got really excited about that prospect. Another piece of the puzzle being put together.

 “What was it like growing up with a brother?” Alice asked, changing the subject. Her whole world had been turned upside down and hearing about things she may have inherited from a mother she never knew existed still felt a little weird.

 “It…” Hope paused looking for the right words to describe it. “It was different. He’s 15 years older than me so we weren’t close. I mean, we were close, but not the close that two siblings would have if they were only a few years apart. I know he tried to help out mom with me as best he could. He lived at home during college when he could have lived at the dorms, and he lived at home until I was around 10 before mom kicked him out. He only lives a few blocks from us and he’s been real busy with the book writing lately. But he always makes time for me when I need to get away from mom for a little bit. In fact, he paid for me to go to camp this summer because I’ve wanted to go for forever.”

 There was a bit of silence after that. Neither one knowing what to talk about next. They’d exhausted their theories and both of them were a little leery about learning about the other one’s parent without finding out why they’d been separated and potentially lied to for their whole lives.

 Hope spent the next day reading through Henry’s novel, as if it might hold potential clues for her, even though it was a work of fiction. Alice spent them drawing pictures of various things, everything from characters in the book to things that had happened around camp. Hope was a little jealous at how good Alice was. 

 Finally, the day to go into town arrived. Alice and Hope had woken up early and were the first ones on the bus. They’d be getting into town around 10:00 so they’d have a little time to shop around before meeting Henry. They were both so antsy the entire trip there. As they got off the bus, Mrs. Hatfield remarked about how well they were getting along with a knowing look. If she only knew her initial assumption of them being sisters had been spot on, and that was the reason they were getting along, not because of the stupid Get Along Cabin.

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 Henry had not been all together surprised when he had received the phone call from Hope. He had been expecting it after all, just not so early. He’d thought he’d have another 4 weeks, once camp had ended to figure out how to explain the situation they had all found themselves in. It wasn’t every day, after all, that one meets their long lost twin sister that they never even knew existed (although Disney would have people believing it, but they messed up most of their retellings of fairy tales, why would this be any different). But here he was, with only two days to figure out what he was going to tell his sisters, one of whom he hadn’t seen since she was two.

 He knew the situation was a mess.  It had been a mess since the twins were born. It wasn’t as if any of them had wanted this situation to happen, but it had and they’d been living with it for the past, almost twelve years. Well, Henry had, anyway, it wasn’t as if anyone else involved in this knew what the hell was going on besides him.

 The whole situation was bittersweet. He had checked up on Killian and Alice over the years, not that they knew that. He’d been discreet. Just happening to be in the same park as them even though it was nowhere near where he lived; jogging near Alice’s school as she grew up to be able to see her during recess. It had pained him to see her playing by herself in a trove of trees near the back of the playground away from everyone else. As she got older, she had the drawing pad, and he was happy that she had something she enjoyed doing. Henry had even gone to a few of her art shows and seen just how much like Killian she was in the drawing department.

 It was a lot harder to check up on Killian, as he worked at the docks and it wasn’t like Henry could just hang around the docks for no reason. He’d thought about getting a job there when he was old enough, but his mother would’ve thrown a fit. She would have given him a talking to about wasting the scholarship money he’d been given for his fancy Creative Writing Bachelors to go work, what she would have considered, a dead-end job at the docks. He had to make it part of his morning run, except that when Killian moved into management, he couldn’t get a look at him at all.

 Deciding to go into Creative Writing in college was a no-brainer. He knew he needed to get his story out, but he needed to do it in sections. Become one of those writers that had a book series instead of just one book. He wouldn’t have been able to get everything into one book as it was. The problem that he hadn’t anticipated was that no one wanted to publish it. He thought the alternative fairy tale genre would have still been a big seller, but it seemed that book publishers were more into dystopian societies again (a resurgence from when he had been a kid). It had taken him a lot longer to get Once Upon a Time out to the masses than he’d intended. The sequel would just barely be released before Hope and Alice’s fourteenth birthday and that was cutting it really close for what needed to happen.

 Henry had done the best he could in helping his mother raise Hope. He knew it was not the life she had imagined when she’d found herself pregnant. He still remembered with distinct clarity when she’d come rushing out of the bathroom waving around the pregnancy test. Explaining to Killian what the two lines meant, and then forcing Henry to go buy her a digital test just to make sure the cheap ones she’d bought over the internet weren’t faulty.  They’d been so excited to start their family together. And when they found out they were having twins, well Killian had practically spun Emma around in excitement (a little hard because they didn’t find out about the twins part until she was almost five months along and she was already huge. Alice had apparently been shy even in the womb as she was hiding behind Hope in the ultrasounds; their heartbeats always perfectly in sync with each other). And then...everything happened.

 Maybe it would be better if Henry tried to write what he wanted to say down. He’d always done better with an outline, a plan, an operation. Operation Gemini was on!

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 The girls were already waiting at a table in the coffee shop when Henry arrived; three hot chocolates set at each place, all with whipped cream and cinnamon Henry noticed. As soon as Hope noticed him, she immediately stood up and ran to give him a fierce hug. 

 They stood there, hugging at the entrance, for what seemed a long while. Had it really only been two weeks since she’d gone off to camp? It felt almost like a lifetime. Even though Henry had moved out of the apartment, he still came by to see his mom and Hope every day. It was just the kind of family they had. Very close. 

 Henry had moved them off to the side so as to not block the entranceway, and he felt Hope shuddering in his arms. She was silently crying Henry realized as he stroked soothing circles on her back, something that always calmed her down as a little girl. He looked over to the table and noticed Alice sitting at the table waiting for her world to drastically change and all she looked like she was feeling awkward while she waited for them to finish their emotional reunion.

 “I don’t even know why I’m crying.” Hope wailed softly. “I just have so many questions and emotions from discovering that I have a sister, and it has finally hit me now that you’re here, Henry.” He was making this all real. And no matter the answer, no matter what he told her, Hope and Alice had to keep an open mind, because Henry knew the reality of this situation was going to change things forever.

 “It’s okay, Hope.” Henry whispered into her hair, something else he’d always done when she was younger. “I promise, everything is going to be okay.” He kissed the top of her head for reassurance. Hope seemed to snap out of it, and she broke away from Henry and dried her eyes on the back of her hands. Henry pulled a handkerchief from his back pocket and gave it to her.

 “Always a gentleman.” Hope said as they walked over to the table. Alice, who had watched the whole exchange, looked at Henry with wide eyes. Henry wasn’t sure how either of them were going to handle what he was about to tell them, but Alice, despite the wide eyes, seemed overly calm about the whole situation. 

 “It’s nice to meet you, Henry.” Alice said, putting her hand out for him to shake it as he sat down at the table. Henry could tell she wasn’t quite sure what else to say. He could only imagine how she must feel, having grown up an only child and now she supposedly had a twin sister and an older brother.

 “We’ve met before.” Henry said sadly, taking a good look at her while he and Hope took their seats. It was like looking at a punk rock version of Hope and it was a little strange. “But I haven’t seen you since you were two and mom and Killian were still dressing you in matching outfits.” He laughed, remembering how their mother, of all people, liked dressing them the same and Killian absolutely hated it. They’re individuals, Swan, not dress up dolls! Everyone nervously took a sip of their hot chocolate.

 “Can we just cut to the chase.” Hope said. Henry chuckled at how much like their mother she was. Besides looking like her, just with a fuller face that he chalked up to still being a child, she had inherited her personality, and was always straight down to business. No pleasantries, no small talk, just get straight to the point.

 Operation Gemini hadn’t made it much past the notes phase when Henry tried to figure out how to explain things to them. Giving a speech was not the way to go. This wasn’t a book that he could plot out an outline and hope that everything went the way he wanted it to (at least not yet). And he knew these two girls were much too smart to not ask questions about everything he presented to them. He needed to know what they knew or had hypothesized for themselves before figuring out what and how to tell them about their pasts.

 Alice,” Henry said turning to her, “tell me what you’ve been told about your mother.” 

 “Uh,” Alice had not expected to be put on the spot, “her name was Milah.” Henry nodded in agreement, since he already knew that was who she thought was her mother. “She and Papa were together for about five years before they got married and had me. I’m named for my Papa’s mother. She died in an apartment fire when I was two which is also how Papa lost his hand. We…” Alice’s voice drifted off when Henry took out a notebook and started writing everything she told him down. He wrote at a very alarming rate, and it would look as if the words were magically appearing on the page, or at least, it would look like that to Alice, if she believed. 

 ‘H..how are you doing that?” Alice asked, fascinated. The pen he was using looked like an old fountain pen, the kind that required ink. Alice looked around but she saw no ink. He saw her look closer at the notebook which was an old, leather bound notebook with parchment inside. Henry held his breath. Could she see? Henry looked at Hope who was looking at Henry intently the same way Alice was, but he could tell that all Hope saw was a normal pen and notebook.

 Henry looked up at Alice with a quizzical look on his face. “How am I doing what, Alice? What exactly do you see?” From his tone, he hoped that Alice could see he truly wanted an honest answer. She looked hesitant for a moment, took another gulp of her hot chocolate, but then drew a deep breath before telling him exactly what she saw.

 “You have an old fashioned fountain pen, but it seems to not need any ink. And it’s putting the words on the parchment for you.” Alice gulped. Henry knew that what she had said would sound crazy to anyone else, but not to him. She looked over at Hope who was looking between Alice and the pen and notebook. She definitely was looking at Alice as if she just said the craziest thing ever. A wide smile crept over Henry’s face and tears sprang to his eyes. He wanted, more than ever, to just wrap Alice up in his arms like he had when she was a baby, and give her the biggest hug imaginable. He put the fountain pen and notebook aside.

 “Alice,” Henry said as he took both her hands into his, “I need to ask you something, and please answer honestly. No false modesty for my sake, please.” Alice nodded. “Now, I know Hope hasn’t read my book because she says it’s not her style,” Hope rolled her eyes at this statement, crossed her arms and mumbled “I've read some of it,” Henry gave a small laugh at that and focused back on Alice, “but have you read it?” Alice nodded, unsure of where Henry was going with this. “And tell me, my dear Alice, what did you think of it?” He continued.

 Henry watched Alice closely as she tried to figure out where to begin.  

 “It felt like I was reading about people I’d imagined my whole life. Like they’d been living in my head with no way out and then, bam! There they were on the page in front of me. And then I started drawing. Oh, I’d drawn mostly landscapes, places that were right in front of me, but I’d had these images in my head for so long of people, that about a year before your book came out, I’d started drawing them as well. And then there they were in your book. I have sketches of Snow White and Red from before your book even hit the shelves, and at first it scared me, because Papa has always said I might be psychic, just knowing little things here and there, but there it was for me to see. These people who I’d been imaging. I’d never known their story, and here it was laid out for me in the pages of your book.” She took her hands away from Henry’s and put them in her lap as a few tears, Henry couldn’t tell if they were happy or scared tears, slipped down her cheeks. Henry was still staring at her intently, his smile even wider if that were possible. He watched her put her one of her hands under her hair and rub the back of her neck, just like Killian always did.

 “Why did you ask her that?” Hope asked breaking the silence that had enveloped them after Alice had finished her revelation. Alice almost looked embarrassed about Hope asking. She’d just bared her soul about all the thoughts that had been in her head, probably for years, and how Henry’s book had opened the floodgates, and Hope’s only response had been to ask why Henry had asked that particular question? Of course Hope would be the non-believer. Like mother, like daughter.

 “That’s actually a very good question, Hope.” Henry said, his smile never fading. He beamed something that he hoped conveyed pride at Alice before looking over at his sister. 

 “I was going to start out telling you something different. I went over this in so many different ways the past two days, but I think I’m going to have to start with the storybook.” Henry said as he went to grab something out of his satchel. Hope rolled her eyes and scoffed.

 “Henry, you cannot tell us we are sisters and then just go off about your fairy tale book. I get that she’s a fan, but there are more important things going on here besides your book.” Hope said, exasperated. Henry paid her no mind. He placed two books on the table. One was a much bigger, much older looking copy of his book, made from what looked like real leather and gold leaf. Like something the publisher might sell as a collector’s edition. The other looked like his current book, only it was white with a picture of an apple tree on it in a golden frame. It also said Once Upon a Time, but not as ornately as the last book. The O was in red while the rest of the letters were in brown. Underneath the title read the words: Emma’s Story.

 “Is...is that the new book?” Alice squeaked out. Henry’s smile grew even wider if that was possible.

 “It sure is, Alice.” He said quite happily. “And, actually, Hope, these books will tell you everything you need to know about your past.” Both Hope and Alice looked at him. Hope’s expression was one of disbelief. She’d always held their mother’s belief in the practical, everything had a logical explanation, even if lightbulbs tended to pop when one of them were angry, or they’d find random candles lit without any explanation for it when they really needed to relax. Alice’s eyebrows were practically in her hairline for how high she had raised them. Henry could see that she was more open to what he was trying to tell her.

 “They’re all true?” Was all that Alice could get out.

 “Yes, Alice,” Henry nodded, “they’re all true.” Alice smiled with tears starting to form in her eyes. 

 Hope looked from Henry to Alice completely confused. He could see she was trying to comprehend what he was trying to tell her, that the fairy tales he had written about were supposed to be real, but her brain did not compute that. Fairy tales weren’t real. They lived in the real world and magical things simply did not happen. And now Hope was getting angry, because Henry still hadn’t provided any explanation to how she and Alice had become separated and why they had been told lies their whole lives about who their parents were.

 Henry sighed. “Look,” he said, running his fingers through his hair nervously, “this book here,” he pulled out the larger copy of his book and placed it on the center of the table, careful not to knock over any of their half drunk mugs, “is not just some fiction I made up.” He couldn’t believe he was in this situation where he had to explain this all over again. “Every story in this book actually happened. It’s the story of our grandparents and what they went through to eventually end up in this world.” Alice took in a breath of air while Hope looked at Henry like he was insane.

 “Henry,” Hope started, “fairy tales aren’t real. What you’re saying is ludicrous, and you’re beginning to really scare me.”

 “So, the Emma at the end of the book,” Alice said in barely a whisper, “she’s your mom? She’s actually the real daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming and the savior destined to break the Evil Queen’s curse?” Henry knew it was a lot to take in, he knew it sounded insane, but he could also see that Alice believed every word that Henry was telling her. Hope just stared at both of them with a look that said she felt like she was the only sane person at their table. 

 “She did break the curse!” he said excitedly. “That’s what’s in this book. How our mother broke the curse and the various things that happened afterwards until she came to the Final Battle. And then….” Henry took a breath trying to stave off the catch that was starting to form in his throat. “We were separated. That’s how this book ends. With our separation.” He grabbed the almost empty mug in front of him and drained the last dregs of hot cocoa that were in there, grimacing at the grainy texture of the chocolate that had coagulated at the bottom. When he looked back at his sisters (he had never been so happy to add that extra ‘s’) he could see that Alice was thoroughly convinced that he spoke the truth, but Hope was still looking at him with a mix of incredulousness and a slight hint of murder. He could see her wanting to object again but cut her off when he continued with what he had to say. 

 “The final book. The final book of my series has not been written. I have no idea how it will end. Both of you need to help me write it because it’s about us, all of us. You two, me, mom, and Killian. It’s about what happened to us and a terrible danger that we will have to face.” Hope’s face immediately tensed at the word danger; Alice’s face lit up intrigued. He continued. “It won’t be easy. I am putting us all in jeopardy, but I don’t have a choice. This is something that we’ve known about since you two were born and I’m the one who has had to carry the burden of it for the past almost 12 years.” Tears were falling from his eyes and Alice handed him a napkin as Hope had never given him back his handkerchief from earlier. Alice also had tears falling as she had listened to what he had told him. Hope just looked frustrated.

 “Henry,” Hope said, breaking in again, “are we ever going to get any answers, or are you just going to parade your books around to Alice and let her fangirl over them. We’ve been here,” she checked her watch,” for an hour and you’ve given us nothing but fairy tales. Not even that, you’ve just given us the books to decipher an answer out of! We have to meet back on the bus to camp in an hour. Are you going to be able to tell us everything we need to know by then?” She gave Henry the look, the look he’d seen too many times on his mother that showed that he wasn’t telling her the whole truth and she was getting tired of it. If she’d been standing, Henry was sure she’d be stomping her foot like the tantrums she used to throw when she was younger.

 Henry thought for a minute. There was no way he could tell them everything he needed to in an hour. Hell, would they even be able to function at camp after everything he needed to tell them? Would they even believe him? Alice definitely seemed open to it, but Hope, she was so stubborn. It was like trying to convince their mother all over again. And that’s when he made the decision.

 “Look, Alice, do you trust me?” He asked, holding out his hand to her. She didn’t even hesitate, she took his hand and answered yes. “Hope, Alice, you are sisters. I am your half brother. Emma and Killian love each other very much, they just don’t remember, and I need your help to bring our family back together. But to do that, you’re going to have to leave camp and come with me. Can you do that?” 

 Alice nodded with no hesitation. Henry probably should have been a little more concerned that Alice seemed so willing to leave camp and go off with a perfect stranger who had just told her that he was her brother with no other explanation except that fairy tales were real and she needed to somehow get their family back together, a family that didn’t even know they were broken, but he saw the belief in her eyes and the trust she had toward him and Hope, and he looked past that concern. Besides, he was her brother, just because she didn’t remember him didn’t mean they weren’t blood. Both he and Alice looked over at Hope who was still looking at them like they were the craziest people she had ever met. Henry was about to apologize for ruining her camp experience when she finally spoke.

 “Well, I guess you two don’t really leave me a choice. I gotta make sure you crazy, and yes, I mean the literal meaning of crazy, people don’t get into too much trouble. Someone has to make sure that when mom and Alice’s dad, ...our dad, whoever he is, find us that we have a sane person to explain we went willingly and Henry doesn’t get arrested for kidnapping or whatever.” Hope flipped her ponytail behind her shoulder as if she didn’t really care either way if they got in trouble or not, but Henry knew better. He knew she was coming along on this crazy ride to make sure Henry didn’t do something stupid and to be there for Alice.

 Henry held out his hand for Hope since he was still holding Alice’s from earlier. She hesitated only a moment before grabbing it. Alice and Hope both gave a slight jolt, something most people would not have noticed or thought they had just had a shiver run through them at the same time, but Henry knew, he knew that was the sign that everything was starting. It was the sign that their family was coming back together.

Tag List: (Let me know if you want to be added or removed)

@profdanglaisstuff @thisonesatellite @mariakov81 @hollyethecurious @winterbaby89 @jennjenn615 @kmomof4 @superchocovian @lfh1226-linda @ilovemesomekillianjones @cssns @itsfabianadocarmo @xsajx  @qualitycoffeethings​

[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

Starfish in the sand

Collecting seashells is fun! Finding little treasures in the sand is something that never gets old. It's one of the little wonders of nature that keeps on giving.

Seashells are so cool and fascinating to look at. No two are alike and you never know what you'll find in the sand. Once in a while unique shells pop up in the beach, like these golden starfish ones. I don't know how long they'll stick around, so I try to collect a bunch to keep and give as gifts.

Jamie and Nedra have been staying at the camp for a while, enjoying the scenery and activities. It's been a long time since Jamie visited and this is Nedra's first time. A few days later Chrissie, Theda, Jean, and Emma joined us - which was why Jamie and Nedra stuck around.

So we've been having fun collecting seashells and doing craft projects with them. We made jewelry, decorated furniture, painted them, put together gift bags - there's a lot you can do with seashells! It's also nice to just chill and hang out with friends - especially Jean and Nedra as I haven't seen much of them since the entourage disbanded.

Jean's an actress and model with an interesting story regarding her family. Around the same time she joined the entourage, she had reunited with her father, who she hadn't seen in over 20 years. Up until she was around 5 Jean was raised by her mom. After she died, her dad decided to come back into her life and change his ways, abandoning the life of a conman. So he married his longtime partner and adopted Jean in hopes of starting over.

Unfortunately things didn't quite work out. Although Jean and her dad got along well, he fell back into his old schemes by stealing from heiress Agathe Dieudonne when he was going through some financial problems. The heiress forgave him since she took a liking to Jean and offered to send her to a prestigious boarding school in France so she can see the world. When her dad's old ways of living started to catch up with him, he and her stepmom decided to take up Agathe's offer so Jean could have a better life.

Over the years Jean kept in touch with her dad and stepmom through letters. Agathe doted on her like a granddaughter and used her connections to keep an eye on Jean's dad to make sure he was doing okay. Jean became aware of his past when she grew older, and the way she sees it, the conman and her dad are two different people. The fact that he tried his best and was willing to give her up so she could have a better upbringing is more than enough for her.

When she moved back to the states to pursue Broadway, Jean set out to reunite with her dad. It surprisingly wasn't too hard to find him and her stepmom as they happened to live on Peace Coast Island, not too far from where Jean was when she was in the entourage. Since then they've made up for a lot of lost time and Jean makes time in her busy schedule to visit often.

In a few weeks, Jean will be on tour for a show and one of the stops is the island. Coincidentally, Nedra's gonna be touring too and so she'll be performing a few nights at Starlight as well. The two became good friends through Jamie, becoming mentors for a drama program at Starlight Theatre as well as regular performers there for a time. Since the entourage disbanded they became super busy so it's nice that they finally got together for a long overdue meet up.

I told Jean about how Marlo's a huge fan of her and like Nedra, she's down to returning to the camp to meet her. We're still working out the details but Nedra and Jean will coordinate their schedules while I check in with Marlo and Don. It's gonna be fun having them all together!

Things have been the same old in Camellia according to Theda. Chrissie pops in for a visit every now and then, usually to bother Tanner or cause mischief with Lala, Theda, and sometimes Delwyn. It's good to hear that he's been doing much better these days - still, Edvin's absence continues to be a gaping presence.

Theda was right when she said that sooner or later, they'll move on and be okay - but it doesn't change the fact that what's gone is gone. And I fully agree with her.

Chrissie has also been spending a lot of time with Emma and her nieces and nephew, especially now that Emma lives about 15 mins away. She mentioned that Rocky and Lex have their hands full with the babies, which is why she's been bothering other friends. Emma doesn't mind as she's still adjusting to living in Cityburg, a drastic change of scenery after spending most of her life in a moderately sized suburban town.

Emma's doing a lot better since moving out and living with her brother Danny and his kids. She always got along with her mom's side of the family better than her dad's. Her mom's the type of parent who tends to be a bit overly critical of her kids but means well and just wants the best for them. As for Emma's father, he clearly favors her younger brother while putting Emma down for pretty much everything.

What prompted Emma to leave - aside from the threat of getting cut off financially - was something unforgivable her younger brother did. It's a fucking mess and if he keeps this up, I wouldn't be surprised if it ends up destroying him. It also didn't help that their father contributed by adding fuel to the fire.

Basically, the brother's one of those shitty tabloid people who profits out of ruining lives. The incident involved a close friend of Emma's, who died unexpectedly due to illness. The brother, who hated the friend for petty reasons, got a hold of Emma's phone, looked through her texts and took a lot of her conversations with her friend out of context to paint the friend and her family in a bad light.

In short, he turned a bunch of texts into "signs" that the friend was likely murdered by her family. He also revealed private information about the friend and how she was going through a rough time, claiming those as motives for why her family wanted her dead. He also made it look like Emma was the one to bring up the speculation, which the family knows is a load of bullshit. To those who knew the friend, it's clearly a pathetic attempt to ruin someone's name for clout.

As a result of the incident, Emma's mom had enough and kicked the father out, which Emma said was long overdue. As for her younger brother, her mom hasn't disowned him (yet) but she's made it clear how she found what he did despicable. Danny never approved of his stepfather and didn't get along with the youngest, so his reaction to what happened was along the lines of disappointed but not surprised.

Since I last saw Emma, things have improved a lot between her and Margie. Although they're aunt and niece, they've always gotten along more like sisters. While Rusty and Linda took quickly to having their aunt move in, there was some tension with Margie, though it had nothing to do with Emma personally. Margie was forced to grow up quickly after their other dad, Terry, and older sister Sherry, died last year, so things haven't been easy for the family.

With Danny having trouble balancing work and family life and Emma having problems at home, he decided to take her in. Emma says their mom has mixed feelings about it, believing that Danny's giving her an easy way out. If anything, I think Emma's a hard worker, but not in a way a capitalist society approves of it. In other words, capitalism can't profit off someone like her, so it sees her as useless. By living with Danny, an entertainer who not only understands what she's going through, but has also made a successful life for himself and his kids, Emma can freely pursue her creative passions without worries.

Right now, Emma's been working on creating content for her channel, posting journal with me videos and vlogging everyday life. She hopes to open her own sticker shop one day so Daisy Jane's gonna help her with that when the time comes. For now, she wants to focus on developing her art style by experimenting and studying other artists before getting into all that. I'm so excited to see where this will take her!

Chrissie and Theda have been really into making charms so that's what we're gonna do with the tiny seashells. I think the little starfish shells make the prettiest charms, especially on a bracelet. We also have some jewelry wire so I'm thinking of making earrings too. It's been years since I've made earrings so it's good to finally use up those earring hooks.

For the larger seashells, we're thinking of using them to decorate furniture. Theda used a bunch of seashells to decorate an old mirror she found while thrifting with Daisy Jane and it looks sooooo pretty! The decor and the gold paint looks like a vintage picture frame with the starry seashells giving it a sorta celestial vibe. I'm still not sure what to decorate yet but I'm considering one of the old bookshelves that's sitting in storage that has been in need of fixing up for a while.

Emma's been filming footage for her vlogs so I try to do a bit of everything so she can have the full camping experience. So far it's mostly sightseeing, crafting, and chilling with the campers. From what it looks like, Emma's considering splitting the content into two videos - one for seashell crafting and one for sightseeing. I'm flattered that she can get so much out of the camp!

Jean and Nedra find the camp a good spot to unwind from their busy lives. Before meeting up with the others Jean visited her dad and stepmom, who will see her again when she returns to Starlight for opening night. She also said the next time she drops by, she plans to come via plane as she's a pilot, like Chrissie. I think Marlo would die on the spot when she finds out that she would be in a plane flown by Jean Theodora!

Today was a low key day where we wandered around, enjoying the sights and taking it slow. We actually didn't do too much crafting today, which is fine as we tackled a lot of big projects early on so we were kinda running low on shells. So we ended up with a pretty good haul and a bunch of new ideas for craft projects.

No matter how busy or chill the days are, we always find ourselves back at the beach, searching for starfish in the sand.

[positivexcellence]

Supernatural's DJ Qualls Teases an 'Iconic Moment' With Jensen Ackles in Final Episodes

Supernatural is coming to an end this season. How do you feel about that? DJ Qualls: It's bittersweet. This is my eighth season [since first appearing on the show] and it's meant a lot to me, but Jared and Jensen are really good friends of mine. And 15 years, what a gift. We all knew it was ending, so we were prepared for it. Just being part of the ensemble, we'd spend a lot of our time doing conventions and so we see each other. We know each other better off the show than we do actually on the show, [those] of us who aren't the main three or four guys, and we've all just been waiting this season for our call up, our farewells for our character.

When I got mine and read what they wrote, which is such a beautiful sendoff for the character, I was so happy to go up and do it. The thing about Vancouver for me in this show... I was on another show up there for three years with Man in the High Castle. When I moved there to do the show, I laid down roots and have a lot of really close friends there. With Supernatural, the crew hasn't changed in years so it's all the same people that I've known for the last eight years, plus the actors. So saying my goodbyes, it was tough. I got a lot of love and people saying that they are going to miss me and all that sort of thing. And I held it together, but I cried a little bit in the van on the way back to the hotel. And then I went out with my local friends and celebrated. We shared stories and got drunk and came back home.

This week's episode sounds like a fun one, with the Winchesters facing regular problems like their credit cards not working. What can you say of Garth's role in helping Sam and Dean navigate these everyday issues? Qualls: It was a really fun episode to shoot because Garth always helped throughout the years. He never gets to be the guy to turn to, the guy who had the answers. But they come to Garth's farm, I think in Wisconsin, and he has this really stable, almost '50s traditional American life. He has a wife and three children, and he's a community dentist for all the werewolves. They come with all these problems and Garth says, "Look, this is what's happening with you right now, and I think I know a way to solve it." And he becomes this wiser, older friend in their lives.

That's a really great thing for them to write for Garth, because we saw him as this cocksure guy that would end up getting knocked out or whatever, and the boys also had to come in and save the day. Now you see them turning to him for advice and help, and he's a great comfort. I'm excited for people to see [the episode]. There's a lot of sort of pathos in it. It's Garth's last episode as far as I know. I mean, that could change, but it felt final to me. We knew while we were shooting and I think there's a little bit of that in it, just sort of a fond farewell to people that you loved.

Since it felt like Garth's final Supernatural episode -- who knows, maybe we'll see him again — did you do anything special while filming? What was that experience like? Qualls: Oh yeah, my chair back with my name on it. That was a really great thing because usually when you guest star, you get a chair with just "cast" [written] on it. I think it was in the second episode [I appeared in], I got a chair back from the prop guys, it was like, "We thought you were going to be around for a while." That's a rite of passage and sort of a finality to the show. You can't dwell on that because they're halfway through the 20-episode season, and so you say your goodbyes and you know it's coming to an end but nobody really talks about it. The hugs are little harder and everyone's a little more like, "I love you man," a little more supportive in that way.

I know Jared better in real life, but I always felt like I had better on-screen chemistry with Jensen, and most of our scenes are together. Our characters have a deeper relationship, and that was really reflected in this episode in a personal way, because Jensen and I are asked to do something that neither one of us can do. It's a really specific skill that we had to learn, so it's a big surprise in the middle of the episode for the audience. It's a great surprise and it's beautifully shot and so fun, but we're both crapping ourselves because it's a really, really hard thing they've asked us to do. I had a sneaking suspicion that Jensen would sort of muddle through the learning of this thing when I was with him and then show up and be amazing — and he was. So I was so glad that I spent so much time in my hotel room knocking over things and doing whatever I had to do to learn this skill. We showed up and we both killed it, and it's a really funny, sweet moment in the show.

Oh, I can't wait. Qualls: I think it's going to be an iconic moment in the show.

What would you like to see the Winchesters do or accomplish before the show ends? Qualls: I think most of us just want them to find [peace], to get to a place where they can get out of this. I know there are not direct plans and I've heard nothing, but I would really love to see them pass the torch to younger kids doing the same stuff so just like in real life, they can go start families. We did that with Garth. I'm really, really pleased what they wrote for him because he was sort of a wayward boy that Bobby (Jim Beaver) took under his wing. It's never said explicitly, but I always thought that he was probably an orphan, and Bobby was like a dad to him. And now we see him all these years later, I think it's been eight years since we first saw him on the show, and now he has this really stable, loving home, and that really comes through in this episode. You see what he has, and the boys see it too.

What great personal growth for Garth, going from hunter to werewolf to now just living a semi-normal life. Qualls: He's living a life of service in his community. He's the local dentist. When somebody has a problem, they come to him... One of his relatives is in trouble, that's why he sort of summons Sam and Dean to begin with. And so I feel like Garth's path in his little community is being an elder. He's been out in the world and he's seen things and he's had to do some extraordinary things. He's lived, which is no small feat on this show. Braver and more skillful people than Garth have not survived the run of this show, and I think he learned a lot from that. He's in a place where if we saw him in 10 years from now, he's going to be much more grounded, and sort of the guy that people turn to in the way that... Not a replacement for Bobby, certainly, but in that sort of vein. A guy who's seen a lot and been through a lot.

Given what you've been through over the years, starting from when you first appeared on the show to now, what has this whole Supernatural experience and playing Garth meant to you? Qualls: I would not be exaggerating if I told you that it's been life changing. Initially, I was reluctant to take this job. I didn't really want to be on a seven-year-old show. I wasn't really doing TV in, I think it was 2011, or if I was, I'd just started doing it and was regular on another show. I was encouraged to do it when I told my friend about it, and I found out that a bunch of people watched this show that I had no idea. They're like, just do the show. My daughter loves it, or my mom loves it, or I love it and we watch it every week. And I went on to do it. Nobody really looks like me, so if you've ever seen a movie that I've done, you see me in public and you know it's me, right? So I'd known fame and that kind of feeling a little bit, but I'd never known cult fame until this show. And cult fame is wonderful and bats--t crazy at the exact same time. You know how, like, people who are on soap operas get yelled at at a supermarket for cheating on their TV wife or whatever?

Oh, yeah. Qualls: We get all of that. And people call me Garth all the time in public. Whenever I get a movie role, somebody will tweet, "Garth just got a job." But like I said, we come into contact with fans, I think, more than probably any other show that's still on the air because our convention circuit is so massive. We have contact with fans all the time, and you get to see what the show means to them and that's a really great feeling. We're a giant ensemble cast, and people who I've never worked with on the show are now some of my closest friends in real life, like Kim Rhodes, who I love to pieces. She's like the mother of our group. All of us take this very seriously. No one gets wrecked at a convention. No one goes out the night before it, because we need to be bright-eyed to meet people because somebody drove nine hours to see me this year, and that's a great responsibility and a great pleasure, and this show brought that into my life.

Jared actually warned me about this. It was while I was shooting my first episode, and he's like, "This character is going to catch on. He's going to be popular, and you're going to get a little bit of what we get." And a lot of it's good, but a lot of it's really not. Because The CW, when Bobby died, they swore to me they weren't going to do that. They were not going to run a promo asking if I was the new Bobby, and they did it. And before anybody even saw the episodes, people were... My Twitter lit up. People were cussing me left, right, and center, and I talked to Jared about it. I was like, "I don't want to do this anymore. I will never be on this show again. I'm living my peaceful life and now everybody hates me." And he was like, "No. You have to ride this out. You have to ride it out." And I did, and I'm so happy that I did. I have so much gratitude, and I just really want to thank the fans who loved Garth so much. It's such a beautiful thing to show up and people have a smile on their face, and it's because of the character. He just such a good man. Well, hopefully, we get to see Garth at least one more time before the show ends. Qualls: I have a theory that you haven't seen the last of all of the characters. At some point in the future, I think you'll see us all again. That's based on nothing, by the way. I just feel like this is prime for movies or whatever in the future, some one-offs.

tv guide

[ibijau]

Worst engagement AU  // On AO3

I think the Nie bros’ father probably died earlier than what I’m doing here, but it’s my fic and this is more convenient for me

nhs is almost 15, lxc is 17, nmj is 20

Nie Mingjue looks as if he hasn't slept in weeks, and startles when Lan Xichen puts a hand on his shoulder.

“You must be tired of hearing it,” he says, “but I'm sorry for your loss.”

It's just the two of them and the coffin in this room, away from the main halls. Because of their sects' alliance, the Lans arrived early for the funeral to help. There's a lot to take care of. Qingheng-Jun even left his seclusion for the occasion, and Lan Qiren came as well. They have offered to handle Qinghe Nie's daily business for a bit, so that Nie Mingjue can focus on the funeral.

While they're meeting the elders of Qinghe Nie, Lan Xichen was sent to retrieve Nie Mingjue. They were told he had not left his father's side since he died, to compensate for the fact that he could not be there during his long agony. Someone had to make sure the sect kept functionning.

“At this point it's almost a relief,” Nie Mingjue whispers, his voice hollow. “There was no way for him to survive this and he just... wasn't dying. For weeks. It's... Am I unfilial for being glad he's finally gone?”

Lan Xichen is never one for physical contact, it's not something he was taught to do.

He still hugs Nie Mingjue, because that's all he can do. It is unfilial to wish for one's father's death, but after such a prolonged agony, and in such circumstances... Lan Xichen would fight anyone who would dare to blame Nie Mingjue for wanting this over.

Nie Mingjue returns the hug, a little too tight. Lan Xichen lets him.

“It's going to be fine,” he mumbles, and that's a lie, and he knows it, but he can't bear to tell the truth. Nie Mingjue too must know that it's not true, that things have just changed in a way none of them are prepared to handle, but he doesn't call him out on it.

They stay like that for a while, until Nie Mingjue pulls away and turns to quietly wipe his eyes. Lan Xichen looks at the coffin to pretend he doesn't notice. It's a big coffin, but it still feels too small for the man it contains. Sect Leader Nie, like his eldest son, was a tall man with a personality that filled up all the space around him, making everyone around him feel small.

Maybe they should have all expected something like this to happen. Wen Ruohan could only tolerate feeling small for so long.

“I'm going to ask your father and uncle to take Huaisang along when you all go home,” Nie Mingjue announces when his eyes are dry. “So he can be in the next batch of students. The lessons only start in a little over a month anyway.”

Lan Xichen stares at his friend.

He doesn't say 'he's just going to turn fifteen in a few weeks and you always say how immature he is, it's just a waste of everyone's time.'

He also doesn't ask 'you told me he doesn't even have a golden core, what good will it do to him, coming to the Cloud Recesses?'

He doesn't wonder 'are you sure you should be alone? You love your brother and I remember how much I needed mine when our mother died.'

“I thought it was agreed to wait one more year, so all the young masters of the great sects could attend together?” Lan Xichen asks instead. “Isn't it a wasted chance if...”

“I don't want him in the Unclean Realm, not when the Wens could take advantage of our current weakness. I don't know if I can protect everyone else but he... he's my little brother. I've got to at least keep him out of harm's way and he'll be safe there. When's the last time anyone attacked the Cloud Recesses?”

Not since before the rise of the Wen, Lan Xichen thinks. Gusu Lan is a centre of knowledge, it has never been considered a threat by anyone. They've never really had to play the game of alliances until recently, when Qishan Wen made it impossible to stay out of it.

“Uncle and father want to see you,” Lan Xichen suddenly remembers. “We should go see them. I'm sorry, I should have told you first...”

“It's fine. I needed this. Thank you for... thank you.”

After one last look at his father's coffin, Nie Mingjue leaves the room, Lan Xichen following closely behind. They don't speak, because there's really nothing to say. When they reach the hall in which Qinghe Nie's elders have gathered to speak with Qingheng-Jun and Lan Qiren, Nie Mingjue hesitates a moment before going to sit on his father's high chair. Up there, he looks both too old and too young, Lan Xichen thinks. He's just twenty. It's too early for this.

Not that Lan Xichen gets much time to gaze at his friend in his new position. When he tries to sit down, his father stops him and sends him to fetch Nie Huaisang instead, since apparently some of what has been already discussed concerns him. Lan Xichen obeys, as he always obeys his father, but he doesn't like it.

It's stupid to get upset about this, when there are so many things at stake, but Lan Xichen hates being pushed aside, and he hates that suddenly, he's probably going to see his best friend even less than he did before. If Nie Mingjue is like Lan Qiren, he won't have the time for all the Night Hunts they had planned to go on. All Lan Xichen can do now is try to be there for him, in whatever way Nie Mingjue will need him.

He hopes, selfishly, that Nie Mingjue will still need him, that he won't lose his best friend.

He hopes, also, that he'll be able to help if Nie Mingjue does need him. His friend's problems are about to become a lot bigger than they used to be, a lot more serious too.

He hopes that Nie Mingjue is wrong about Qishan Wen, that they won't attack Qinghe, that there won't be a war.

Lan Xichen hopes for many things as he looks for Nie Huaisang.

When he finally finds him after asking some servants, his fiancé is in an isolated, half abandoned corner of the Unclean Realm where he keeps some songbirds in cages. A silly pastime that he'll have to give up someday, since pets are not allowed in the Cloud Recesses. And a hobby that feels inappropriate at the moment. How can Nie Huaisang enjoy his birds when his father just died, when his brother, at barely twenty, has to bear the weight of a sect on his shoulder, the fear of a war in his heart?

“Nie er-gongzi, I find you at last,” Lan Xichen says, startling the other boy. “Your brother wishes to see you.”

“Lan gongzi,” Nie Huaisang mumbles with a quick, clumsy bow. “I'm... I'm glad you're here at last. I didn't know you had arrived, or I'd have been there already.”

Lan Xichen doesn't bother pointing out that they had sent word they were approaching, that they could only arrive today or tomorrow, that as the second young master of his sect, Nie Huaisang needs to step up and start helping his brother.

“Let's just go,” Lan Xichen says. “It would be unwise to make him wait.”

To his credit, Nie Huaisang doesn't protest, and immediately walks away from his bird, ready to dutifully follow Lan Xichen. But then again, he was always good at following people. He's that sort of a person.

As they walk together, Lan Xichen doesn't bother making conversation. He knows from experience that Nie Huaisang never has anything interesting to say, that he always goes half mute with shyness every time someone addresses him. And yet, before very long, Nie Huaisang does the unexpected: he speaks first.

“Are we still going to marry?” he asks, nervously picking at the hem of his sleeve.

Lan Xichen stops in his tracks. He should scold him for talking about something like at such an inappropriate moment, but he's too taken aback by the unexpected question.

“Why wouldn't we?”

Nie Huaisang shrugs and avoids his eyes.

“Why do you think the engagement is off?” Lan Xichen insists, glad that at least, they are still in a part of the Unclean Realm where few people wander.

“I've just heard people talking,” Nie Huaisang mumbles. “The elders are worried.” He bites his lip. “I don't think I should have told you that.”

“No, probably not.”

It is unwise for someone like Nie Huaisang to talk about politics when everyone knows he's not terribly bright and probably doesn't get those things, not the way Lan Xichen does. That's all Lan Xichen meant.

Judging by the panicked look he throws him, Nie Huaisang understood something else entirely.

“Please, tell your father to keep the engagement!” he frantically urges, grabbing Lan Xichen's sleeve. “Please, I'll do better, I'll work hard on my cultivation, I'll never skip sabre practice again, and I'll study and be polite and everything I need to be! But you can't drop the engagement, you can't leave Mingjue alone against the Wens!”

Lan Xichen pulls himself free and stares at his fiancé, stunned by that outburst. That boy is really too pathetic to handle, and he really needs to learn to hold his tongue about political matters.

But that's the thing, he's just a boy of note quite fifteen, hardly older than Lan Xichen's own brother. He's just seen his father slowly agonise for weeks, he's probably seen his brother working himself to half to death learning to handle a position he wasn't quite ready for yet, and now he's worrying about what he can do to keep his sect safe. It's... touching, for lack of a better word.

“That's not how an alliance of that sort works,” Lan Xichen explains, with more patience and kindness than he's ever bothered showing to his unwanted fiancé. “It does not matter if Qinghe Nie's circumstances are complicated at the moment, Gusu Lan will stand with you if needed, and help you until things are better. You don't have to worry.”

“I have plenty to worry about,” Nie Huaisang mutters, refusing again to meet his eyes. “I'm not very bright but I've read histories and tactical works. Gusu Lan wouldn't be the first ones to back down from an alliance because it's no longer advantageous.”

It seems Nie Huaisang has decided that this is a day for surprises.

Strictly speaking, he's not wrong. Things like that happen, alliances change along with circumstances, engagements can be made and unmade depending of the fortune of a family, especially in times such as these. At another time, or said about another sect, Lan Xichen would probably agree with this assessment of the situation.

But it's his sect being accused here, and that can't be allowed, least of all coming from a boy like Nie Huaisang.

“Gusu Lan never backs down on what it promises,” Lan Xichen announces. “We are engaged, and we will stay so. We are allies, and we will stay so. Qinghe Nie doesn't stand alone, and it never will until the danger has passed.”

His tone is too harsh, and indeed Nie Huaisang flinches a little, yet still he smiles weakly at Lan Xichen.

“That's good. I just... I just don't want Nie Mingjue to fight alone. I know I can't do anything more for him, all I can do is stay engaged to you.”

“There's plenty more you can do,” Lan Xichen protests, trying to keep his voice gentle, telling himself that Nie Huaisang is going through a lot and he must be kind. “You're not a child anymore, if you ask Mingjue or the elders, they're sure to find something even you can do.”

“I doubt it,” Nie Huaisang replies with a pout. “I'm just not good at anything.” Then, perhaps remembering that he had just sworn that he'd get more serious if the engagement remained, he quickly added: “But I'll still try! Of course I'll try hard! I don't want to be a burden on anyone. I'll make him proud, and I'll do everything I can to help.”

That seemed doubtful, but Lan Xichen decides not to insist. If Nie Mingjue has his way, Nie Huaisang won't get much of a chance to help around the Unclean Realm, anyway. Instead he'll be coming to Gusu, and hopefully he'll learn a thing or two while there.

It will not be pleasant to have Nie Huaisang in the Cloud Recesses so much earlier than planned, but Lan Xichen will bear with it, for Nie Mingjue's sake.