#I’ve got too many Destiel ideas

[thefableddestiel]

My mind right now:

ok continue working on the lobster Destiel fic but also here’s a great long scene I just thought of for time travel Destiel and also wouldn’t it be so fun if Dean explored Europe in another fic? And also here’s a scene of Castiel threatening John Winchester because I need it and oh here’s another fic idea for a completely different fandom.

Like PLEASE you’re overloading me. Makes it so hard to finish anything.

[thefirstradiant]

Suptober Day 1: Autumn

To Camp, Or Not To Camp

🍂 Destiel 🍂 Rating Explicit. Written for #suptober24 prompt: autumn and kinktober kinks: exhibitionism (slight), smell, dirty talk, and come-sharing.

Words: ~2k. This was supposed to be a 500 word drabble, alas.

Dean finds a way to make camping much more pleasurable. Enjoy. It’s mostly smut but fluffy.

A/N: I neverrr write old domestic destiel so this was fun. I also tried some new things with the voicing and character pov. (It’s because I got too into Dean’s head whoops.)

So many leaves. All sorts of colors, Dean notices. Red, green, orange, yellow, even some tinged purple. He never used to notice the leaves. Or care what color they were. He scoffs at himself. What an idiot. The leaves meant seasons, and seasons meant time. He had always been vaguely aware of the seasons changing, but they were never marked, as they are now, by birthdays and parties, holiday meals and school festivals, and, regretfully, camping trips.

Ugh. He crunches through some more leaves. Cas’s attempt to turn camping from a distaste to an “enjoyable family adventure” has had mixed success. This forest is really nice, however. That’s definitely a win. He has a better idea of how to spend their time in it though.

Dean looks up and meets Cas’s eyes. So warm and blue. The crinkles in the corners come out to play as he smiles at Dean. Ah, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to always see that. Cas looks so fucking perfect in his soft green sweater and khaki pants. I bought him that sweater on a whim, didn’t I?

“Dean?” Cas’s voice is deep, buttery smooth, and curious.

Dean blinks. Oh yeah, I had a plan. It’s so easy to get lost in Cas, even now. His fist starts to clench and he keeps raking his eyes across his partner. I want to see those eyes shot black, that mouth hanging open, breathing heavily, that sweet and dangerous little face coated in- Woah. Start at the beginning.

Dean smirks. “You know, Cas… we’ve been The Great Outdoorsing this shit for a week now.” A pause. “It’s our last night kicking around in this locally-sourced lumber yard…”

There’s a beat of amusement flicking around in Cas’s eyes, even as he ducks his head and comes a few steps closer to Dean.

“Really, Dean? Your best line? I married you, don’t you think I’ve heard it enough?” But he’s smiling with his eyes too, and Dean knows he’s got him. Hook, line, and sinker. Every damn time.

“Not if it still works.” They’re close now and Dean’s hand reaches out to trail along Cas’s soft, sleeved arm. He’s knows he’s grinning too wide for it to resemble anything close to a sultry line, but he doesn’t care.

“We’re here with our son.” Cas breathes onto Dean’s cheek. He’s pressing against Dean all the same.

“Who’s back at camp! Why do you think I told Jack we were getting in one last nice long hike?”

If Cas really wanted to make him like camping for the sake of camping, it was a lost cause. But this? He could see himself making arrangements to camp again. Though maybe we leave the exhibitionist kink at home in the drawer next time. Ironic.

Their boots have stopped crackling the leaves now, and Dean’s hands wander to the small of Cas’s back and his hip joint, just to squeeze and pull him even closer.

Cas had been mostly just smiling softly as Dean caressed him, but as Dean pulls their hips together, he lets out a delightful groan. That’s the crack Dean knows he’s addicted to, right there.

Cas brings his hand up to stroke the side of Dean’s neck. “Mmm. You will always work on me, Dean. It’s not the line.”

Even though he can feel his heart doing little somersaults, he whispers into Cas’s ear as a reply.

“I know.”

They’re fully wrapped up in each other’s bodies when Cas finally tilts and captures Dean’s lips. Ah. His arms slung around my neck, his chest so full of warmth against mine. That searing kiss that makes everything feel right in the world. Flawless.

“Are we far enough away? You are.. not quiet.” Cas mumbles into Dean’s mouth.

Now that’s not exactly fair, is it? Cas is quite loud too. Dean scoffs.

“I can be quiet when I need to be!”

I know I’m loud, so what? When you have this angel giving you wicked pleasure, you better be damn loud too. He kisses Cas again, melding their lips together in drool and tongue.

Trying some more of that great great honesty he’s been working on, he whines “Cmon Cas, you know I hate camping.”

Please Cas help me block out all the bad stuff.

Cas looks tousled and like a 3 course dessert as he breaks apart from Dean and chuckles, low and throaty.

“That’s an even worse line.”

Cas is already dropping to his knees in the dirt however, and dragging a hand down Dean’s chest and stomach. He leans in and presses a kiss to Dean’s straining cock inside his pants.

Dean feels that in his toes. He moans.

“Baby, you’re an angel, you’re supposed to find my pickup lines endearing or some crap.”

He doesn’t know if that’s at all true, but it sounds like something angels should think.

Cas doesn’t reply but smiles again and pinches Dean’s side just above his hip. Cas is usually more quiet when they’re together, he seems to prefer to let his body and expressions do the talking for him. Of course, that means whenever he does say something, it’s too hot for Dean to handle.

He’s working at Dean’s belt now and gliding his boxers down his hips. They drag ever so slowly along his cock and are replaced by the chill in the air.

Dean sucks in a breath. His pulse is pounding in his ears and the heat and cold are settling down into overall good sensations. Mmmm. Cas’s hands found my ass, that was quick.

Dean watches as Cas presses his whole face, mouth open, into the tangled curls he just exposed, and breathes in deeply. His pink tongue is out like he’s tasting the air too. Cas moans and it shoots straight to Dean’s cock.

Cas allows himself a word. “Sweaty.” he grunts out while trying to bury his face even farther into Dean.

The kinky son of a bitch is into it, I knew he would be. I mean, I have washed in the creek by camp a few times since we’ve been out here, but it has been a week. He probably smells extra Dean.

“Dean, you smell so good.” Cas looks up at him with those sparkling eyes and lips hanging open. “Delicious.” He licks the tip of Dean’s cock where a small bead of pre come was forming.

Dean can’t help it, he lets out a loud moan. He can hear his voice much deeper than before. “Goddamnit Cas, that’s hot as hell.”

Smirking, because of course he is, Cas is a huge tease, he licks his own lips and swallows Dean’s cock down most of the way.

Oh god. It’s burning hot and so so smooth. Dean feels his shoulders tense and toes clutch. He’s gasping suddenly.

“Wait-“ Need something to- Ah yes. Dean steps backward a bit to lean on a sap-coated tree trunk. Oh well. Who cares about that when Cas is shuffling forward on his knees to sink his mouth right back on Dean’s cock. He hums contentedly around him and Dean’s definitely grateful for the tree.

His hands are holding me really still. Hot. And that mouth- well, that’s an insane amount of drool. He can feel the zigzags Cas is making on the bottom of his cock as he sucks him down. He knows he’s getting louder, can hear the air fill with grunts, gasps, and moans at every new movement Cas makes. He also knows Cas loves his noises.

“Dean. Yes.” Cas says to the head of his cock.

Dean sinks himself back against the tree again and makes eye contact with his Cas. His lips pink and wet, dripping drool and pre come everywhere. His eyes already a little teary from blowing Dean.

He groans. “Fuck, Cas. Your lips are so fucking hot like that. Drooling and stretched on my cock..” Cas loves the dirty talk, he knows. Mm. I do too, when it gets that look in his eyes in response.

Cas continues his sucking long and deep while his eyes are locked on Dean’s. Hands move from his ass to hips to trailing underneath his grey t-shirt on his stomach. The warmth is so good and Dean just wants Cas everywhere.

Ah- right there. Cas is licking around the head of Dean’s cock and pulling out all his tricks to make him buck his hips out and down his throat. I can feel it right in the small of my back.. Ugh. The pressure is getting stronger. He gives one particularly solid suck and my hips jolt.

“Yes! Cas! Ah-“ He’s shouting now and his hands fly to Cas’s soft hair and tangle in it while he holds his mouth in place. Cas’s eyes water as his other hand, the one not caressing Dean’s stomach, makes it’s way down to Dean’s balls. Slowly, Cas rolls them in his wet fingers and he hums again where he can’t move on Dean’s cock.

Dean is definitely not quiet as he blurts out his next thought. “Angel, I’m gonna come all over that pretty fucking face of yours.”

Using Dean’s hand on the back of his head, Cas angles himself slightly and glides all the way down until his nose is again pressed into those messy curls. He’s smelling again, I can tell. My god. My cock is all the way fucking down his tight throat and he’s smelling me again.

Cas is looking up at Dean expectantly and he feels his balls tighten between Cas’s nimble fingers and that ball of pressure in his back melt down. He shouts wordlessly and he’s coming down Cas’s throat. Quickly he pulls off so he can shoot most of the load right onto Cas. That’s definitely one of my favorite sights. Cas answers my next groan with a soft breath and puff of air.

There’s come in his mouth, on his upper lip, in his eyebrow, the slope of his cheekbone, even a little on his ear. Beautiful. Cas smiles and it crinkles his eyes and he licks out to get a drop on his lips.

“Mmm. Delicious, Dean.” He says again. His voice is so deep and scratchy it thumps in my brain.

Dean chuckles breathlessly and sags against where he’s still trying to stay standing. Need him closer.

“C’mere” he says as he tries to pull Cas up, not sure if the crunching he hears is the leaves or his knees.

Hard to think- Hard to move- But as his angel’s face comes within reach he puts his mouth to the come-splattered cheek and starts licking it all up. His tongue flicks in his eyebrow and eyelashes and Cas is staring at him with adoration shining from every part of him. Of course, Cas has a thing for my come too.

It’s tangy, a bit more salty than usual today, but not bad, and Dean holds it under his tongue while he licks the last drop off Cas’s ear. He feels him shiver, then he kisses Cas fiercely. Gotta show him how good he was. How he made me come all of this.

Dean’s hands are grabbing Cas’s face now and he passes him the thick come. Cas moans obscenely, louder than Dean, and swallows as much as he can get. They keep kissing for at least a few minutes while they try to figure out where one of them begins and the other starts.

He’s so perfect. And he’s mine. Dean smiles into the kiss.

The wind is whistling in his ears again and drags to them a very faint shout from the direction of camp. “Dad?”

They break off the kiss slowly, with a trail of drool connecting them. Dean stands loose, panting in Cas’s mouth.

“Damn kids.”

Cas licks his lips and chuckles. “It’s okay, Dean.” He pats Dean’s chest with those strong hands of his.

“Compose yourself and let’s go back.” What a tease.

Mmm. One last moment. They’re still alone for now. Dean pulls Cas’s face to his and whispers into his ear.

“When we get home, I’m gonna fuck you through the mattress so hard you won’t remember which way is up. Then I’ll drag you up and do the same against the wall instead…”

The open mouth and black shot through Cas’s eyes is so worth it. Dean grins and pulls up his pants. Perfect.

FIN

[archiebaldo1414]

My version of

DEAN’S TOP 13 ZEPP TRAXX

Okay so, I’ve spent like 2 hours now pouring over my favorite Zepplin songs, the ones I don’t listen to all that much, what other people thought this mixtape consisted of, and have now (finally) put together what I think Dean gave Cas. That said, I’m very curious what you all think. Of the choices, the order, all that. I’ve seen lots of ones where there are a couple veryyyy Destiel codes songs, and then the rest is just like, their most popular songs that don’t necessarily say much about their relationship (at least I don’t think they do)

So I purposely chose songs and ordered them the way I did because I am a firm believer that

1. Dean is aware he’s in love with Cas, and has known he was bi forever. His issue with accepting his feelings is mainly boiled down to deep issues with internalized homophobia and a fragile relationship with masculinity that he got from his father, and the fact that his self esteem is -90 and Cas is An Angel Of The Lord (he can’t feel that way)

2. Dean gave Cas the mixtape as a romantic gesture to tell him he loved him

3. He purposely chose songs not necessarily becuase they were his favorites (though I think most probably are if only because they remind him of Cas. I also think some of them, like Baby Come on Home, he now doesn’t like as much as he used to because he hates thinking of Cas always leaving him), but becuase they told a story about his relationships with himself and his life, and how he loves Cas. At first I didn’t have songs like “Thank You” in there, becuase I didn’t know if Dean could say all that even in song form, but I am choosing to believe this was his Big Gesture and he truly went all out and put himself out there (too bad Cas didn’t understand and he couldn’t be vulnerable enough to tell him. Maybe part of that was just becuase of how obvious the songs were)

Anyways that’s a lot of talk but I’d love to hear anyone’s input! Or if anyone agrees and thinks I did an accurate job that would be cool to hear too! Making this ended up spurring the ideas for so many fanfics lol. I’ve really been at it for 3 hours now, but didn’t think I should include the full hour of just typing up my ideas for not one, not too, but three fanfics. None of them even directly relate to this damn mixtape😭😭😭

Oh if anyone can’t open Spotify read more for the tracklist:)

1. Ramble On

2. Babe I’m Gonna Leave You

3. Good Times, Bad Times

4. What is and What Should Never Be

5. I Can’t Quit You Baby

6. Dazed and Confused

7. Baby, Come on Home

8. Communication Breakdown

9. Bring it on Home

10. The Wanton Song

11. Houses of Holy

12. Thank You

13. The Rain Song

[spnregular]

also do breeding kink fic :3

like they do on the discovery channel is the second fic i wrote for the fandom and is my single most popular fic for spn! im very flattered by the response i've gotten on it and was honestly soooo surprised that it was so well received. i mean there are so many amazing writers in this fandom that i never thought i would be noticed like this lol. ive posted the whole fic here under the cut, unlike my other commentaries, because it is fun and it's short (like 3.5k words)

I wrote this post-tonsillectomy so i was essentially on lean for two weeks. I got the idea for it when i was waking up one day, in a haze of pain and dehydration “cas should… cas should get dean pegant… or at least get to try…”

Cas was always shutting Dean up in bed. He didn’t even need any gags or sexy rules to do it. Fuck, he didn’t even need to tell Dean to shut up. No, Cas knew what to say to turn all of Dean’s casual flirtation, all of his showiest and cheesiest lines, into long, drawn-out moans and soft whimpers. Cas could have Dean gasping and unable to talk for hours without even trying.

“You’re so beautiful, Dean.”

“I’d fight my way through hell again and again for this.”

“I’ve never met anyone, anything, like you, in all my eons of life and death.”

“You’re such a good boy.”

“You’re mine.”

Cas knew how to take care of Dean. Through push and pull– long nights, hard talks, and soft touches– they came to understand how to tease pleasure from their bodies, leaving them both crying out and rent asunder.

Dean was no slouch. He knew that Cas liked it when he blushed, when he gave in. It was hard at first, really hard. But the look on Cas’s face every time Dean relaxed into a touch, when Dean let the soft thing between them flourish and unfurl? Not to mention the butterflies in his stomach, or the blush that would creep up his chest with every word. It was so worth it. So, Dean sucked it up and let Cas be sweet on him. Dean could think of a couple of things worse than having a sweet-talking angel in his bed, night after night. 

The thing was, the guy was always battin’ a hundred and there was nothing Dean could do about it. Even when Cas was off his game, saying some weird shit, Dean kinda got off on it. Dean knew that Cas didn’t expect anything back, he just wanted Dean comfortable in their bed and in his arms. But sometimes– sometimes Dean wondered if he could do that for Cas, too. Make him feel special, get him hot and dumb crazy. 

So this is sort of my response to most destiel fic being made after 2020. Im a deangirl, i eat this shit up and i do believe that cas is doing all this (the praise kink, the service topping) for dean in a post canon world. BUT… i think dean would want to return the favor. Dean likes knowing that he can make people happy, he likes to please. I think Dean would start feeling some kinda way if he couldnt give it back.

Tonight was nothing special– middle of the week, still before 9PM, meaning they would have time to catch the late night M*A*S*H reruns. Sam and Eileen were out on a hunt, Jack was off doing Heaven shit, and Cas was buried to the hilt into Dean’s ass, the both of them splayed out on their bed.

Dean had a leg thrown over Cas’s shoulder and one curled around his waist. Cas’s face was buried into Dean’s collar bone, nipping and biting, exactly how Dean liked it. His arms and hands— Christ, his fucking hands— were wrapped around Dean so softly, so tenderly. Like Dean wasn’t some six-foot, killing-machine. Like Dean was something worth caring for. Dean’s stomach swooped hard when their eyes locked and he saw Cas thinking exactly that. Those otherworldly blue eyes, unguarded and hooded with lust, dazed with admiration. Dean bit his lip and squeezed his thighs around Cas, causing those same eyes to flutter shut in unabashed pleasure. 

“Dean,” Cas gasped his name as though it were an exalted prayer, “Dean, you feel so good. So good, for me.”

How the fuck was Dean supposed to keep up with that?

W-when destiel is i-in luv……… !!!

Dean moaned and turned his face away to mouth at Cas’s wrist. He screwed his eyes shut and focused on the feeling of the connection between their bodies, the slick friction of Cas fucking into him hard. On each thrust, Dean let out a grunt or groan, unable to keep any of it in. It felt like Cas was trying to do more than just fuck Dean, like he was trying to—

“Oh, fuck, C-Cas,” Dean choked out, “You tryna knock me up, pal?”

Cas gasped– his hips stuttering, losing their fine tuned rhythm.��

So you know how cas just doesnt expect that he gets to be happy? Well he’s REALLY not expecting dean to just randomly guess the horny nuclear codes to his brain.

“Cas?” Dean asked, blearily, blinking his eyes open slowly. Cas was breathing hard over him, his sides expanding wide with each breath, like great wings flapping slow.

Cas moaned, his eyes heavily hooded, hips still grinding deep into Dean. 

He gathered Dean in his arms, pulling as far as Dean’s hips would allow. Cas bit down gently into the crook of Dean’s neck and groaned. Dean’s stomach swooped low and he hissed in pleasure from the feeling of Cas’s teeth grazing against him like a promise. 

Cas pulled Dean up to his chest, holding Dean up against the headboard. Dean braced his arms against it, though he knew Cas could handle him. Every muscle in Cas’s body seemed taut, poised and directed to the one purpose of fucking Dean. Dean licked and bit his lip, trying to dampen the need and want to lick every long line on Cas’s neck, his chest. Cas practically snarled at him, pushing Dean hard against the headboard and crushing his lips in a sloppy kiss, biting and licking. Dean gasped into his mouth, from pain and pleasure, his eyes almost crossing. Cas was relentless. 

When Dean’s eye refocused, the look on Cas’s face threatened to take his breath away all over again. His face shone with sweat in the low lamp light and his mouth hung open, color high on his cheeks. But his eyes– his eyes were focused on Dean, unwavering, cataloging every move Dean made, every twitch of his body. When their eyes met fully, Dean’s heart threatened to pound out of his chest. 

“Angel,” Dean rasped out and moaned, a smile and spit scrawled all over his face, “You seem… kinda excited.” A real pot and kettle moment— Dean’s dick hadn’t been this hard in a decade.

So ive said this before i love when cas loses control over dean. I love that dean is his special brain button. AND i am first and foremost a monster fucker, so i like when cas is clearly not human and has an inhuman appetite for all things Dean Winchester. Also, dean dick issues moment.

Somehow, Cas’s face turned even redder, his blush bleeding down onto his heaving chest. Cas groaned again into Dean’s shoulder and thrust into Dean with such fervor that Dean threw his head back, almost painfully into the wall. Cas kept going, his hips bucking erratically like he couldn’t help himself. He placed one hand on Dean’s hip and squeezed hard— Dean knew there’d be a bruise tomorrow.

This felt new.

So i love reading kinky shit abt destiel but man do i think they are wont to fall into the rhythm of one two three fingers cock. Mostly bc dean (while a cnc queen) honestly kinda likes it. He likes the familiarity of getting dicked down by someone he actually wants to want him. Not to call dean vanilla bc he isnt, but he is a creature of comfort. So when he accidentally sets off something new it’s noticeable. 

“That a yes?” Dean smiled and asked, his hand coming up to run through the sweaty hair on the nape of Cas’s neck, “You like that idea? You wanna knock me up?”

Dean’s chest heaved against Cas, feeling Cas’s loud moan more than hearing it– their bodies were so, so hot, so slick everywhere they touched. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas, hands trailing up and down Cas’s spine. He rolled his hips down onto Cas’s dick, spurring Cas further into action.

Dean grunted, trying to even out his breathing. He wanted to see where this would go, see exactly what this was doing to Cas, shame be damned. He whispered hot and heavy into Cas’s ear, “C’mon, angel, you wanna fill me up?”

Dean is eager to please here and yeah he’s letting horny brain win over.

Cas made a choked noise and pressed his nose hard into Dean’s neck and inhaled. Dean let a shiver roll through him at the feeling of Cas’s breath on his neck. Cas’s thrusts picked up speed, heady intention building up faster and faster.

“Dean,” Cas rasped, “C-Can I, Dean?” His voice was so tight, so low. 

Dean nipped at Cas’s ear, “You want to?”

Dean pulled back to run his nose along Cas’s, relishing the feeling of their mixed breath. Cas breathed hot against him and nodded fast.

Dean’s eyes widened when Cas pulled back to look at him. His fucking eyes— they were focused, pupils blown… They were fucking glowing. 

“Cas?” Dean licked his lips, his own eyes wide with shock.

Cas’s eyes locked onto Dean’s tongue and from there they were both lost.

Horny monster brain take over… while im writing this commentary im sort of thinking about how angel possession only requires one instance of consent and then you’re kinda locked into it…. Makes u think…! 

Cas claimed Dean’s mouth again, his tongue thrust so far into Dean’s mouth. Dean’s eyes rolled back into his head and all he knew was Cas’s hot mouth and big hands. Dean moaned into the feeling, letting it wash over him, slow and warm like liquor, when Cas pulled out of him abruptly.

“H-h—“ Dean didn’t get a word out until he was being manhandled face down into the bed, hips aloft to present, dick dripping and hanging under him. Cas fell into place over him so fast, Dean barely had time to mourn the loss of his presence.

Cas growled as he bit the shell of Dean’s ear gently, his hand running down the cleft of Dean’s ass. Dean was so loose—they were just fucking so hard— he wasn’t sure where Cas was going with this. Nonetheless, Dean hummed in satisfaction when Cas stuck his fingers deep in Dean, pumping fast. Dean could still feel Cas’s dick, hard against his ass, rubbing as Cas rutted into him. Dean whined and canted his hips even higher, clearly letting Cas know what he wanted. 

Cas panted in Dean’s ear, pushing Dean’s hips back down. He braced his forehead against Dean’s shoulder and pulled his fingers out to spread Dean’s ass wide. Dean balled his fists into the sheets of the bed, biting back what would have been an embarrassing sound. Some good it did him— he still moaned like a fuckin’ girl when Cas slid back into him, fast and easy and big.

Dean is always moaning like a girl when cas fucks him good btw. He can have a diff gender in bed, as a treat. 

Cas moved quickly, thrusting in and out of Dean like the rent was due. Cas hooked one forearm around Dean’s chest, his hand splayed across Dean’s collar bones, almost possessive of his neck; the other hand gripped Dean’s waist, holding Dean so firmly in place. Dean was at a loss— there was no keeping up at this point, no moving, no fucking back. Just a question lingering in the back of Dean’s mind.

“You gonna breed me, sweetheart?” Dean asked. He knew the answer but he wanted to feel it, wanted it dragged out of Cas until the guy couldn’t do anything else.

Obsessed with his angel… I think it’s fun when Dean gets to control Cas. Dean also likes it, he likes being the one to steer Cas. And (I think it was in Then Comes the Rain, “the angel likes a direct order”) Cas likes it when Dean directs him. Even in this state of lost in the deanpussy sauce, he’s doing what dean is goading him into and it’s wild, it’s crazy.

Cas fucking snarled behind him and fucked into Dean even harder. Dean gasped and winced. How was Cas so big? It’s never felt like this before. Sure Cas was big, a fact which Dean was consistently grateful for, but this? This felt unreal, like some cartoon porn shit.

Cas squeezed Dean’s hip so rough, adjusting Dean against his thighs and wrapping one of his hands around Dean’s neglected dick. The other pinched at Dean’s chest, teasing even after Dean hissed, long and loud, from overstimulation. Cas was doing so much, all at once. Dean didn’t know what he was feeling anymore, each sensation bleeding into the other, all of it so Cas. He tried to focus on how Cas’s hand pumped him fast, rough and hard on his dick, the hand on his red and swollen nipples. His hole was stretched so wide and he felt so full, Cas hitting right where Dean wanted over and over again. Dean was moaning, mouth hung open, spit falling from his lips. Each pump, each thrust threatening to make Dean overflow.  

Dean felt like he was being cleft in half and he, honestly, did not give a shit. Cas had never felt so big, so strong before. The guy was three inches shorter than Dean, but in that moment, he might as well have been the fucking Chrysler building. 

“Cas, baby, fuckin’ do it,” Dean was honest to god babbling, “Knock me up, sweetheart, give it to me. Give it to me hard.” Dean kept talking through it, through the moaning, the hard pounding. Cas pushed Dean’s face into the bed and folded himself over, keeping their bodies flush against each other. Dean’s hands were scrabbling behind him, clawing at any part of Cas he could reach, hairy muscled thighs, corded arms, thick neck. He settled for reaching back and knotting a hand in Cas’s hair, curled from sweat. 

“Harder, Cas,” Dean panted, his voice muffled by the pillow on one side and the wide span of Cas’s hand on the other. It hurt a little now, they probably needed more lube, but it was too good. Dean couldn’t believe any of it: this shit coming out of his own mouth or the way it seemed to drive Cas nuts, “Knock me up, I wanna have your babies, do it, do it.”

Does dean think about being pregnant sometimes? Does he think about Cas getting him pregnant while theyre fucking? Haha well. Hits you with my gender beam. 

Cas’s hand on Dean’s dick worked faster, his wrist twisting how Dean liked, and Cas’s teeth came down hard Dean’s delts. Dean shouted loud from the dual feeling, knowing the trickle down his shoulder wasn’t sweat. He came all over Cas’s hand and the bed below them with a shout.

Cas pushed Dean’s face further into the pillow, still plowing into him hard. Dean couldn’t talk like this, choosing to make do and moan through the lingering effects of his orgasm into the pillow. He turned his head to the side and caught Cas’s gaze, eyes still glowing, and groaned.

Cas’s eyes were so heavily hooded and his mouth hung open. He was close— they’d been doing this often enough that Dean knew when he was close, even like this. Dean moaned at the sight of him, his flaccid dick twitching in interest. Flushed skin, glowing eyes rolling back into his head, all control gone, gone, gone. He wasn’t twenty anymore, but he also wasn’t immune to the sight and feel of the sex-crazed angel he was in love with. Didn’t help that Cas was still fucking into him at an angle that had tears beading in his eyes.

Dean moaned Cas’s name when Cas came, feeling him stiffen and shake. Cas’s arms came around Dean so tight and whispered Dean’s name so soft. Dean blushed as Cas collapsed onto him, Cas nuzzling into Dean’s neck, whispering in Enochian.

Two things i like in porn: soft dicks floppin around and knowing when your partner comes. The soft dick is, well, this is dean whiskey dick winchester. It doesnt always work but also… dean is okay with that… And the knowing when Cas comes thing is just schmoopy romantic stuff. :) destiel in love…

Cas rolled his hips slowly, experimentally, a few times, as they sank onto their sides into the bed, sighing and breathing heavily. Dean couldn’t believe the noises still coming out of him as Cas did so, his body still rocking in time with Cas. He felt Cas’s come leaking out of him, squelching with each little movement from either of them. Cas threaded their fingers together and brought one of Dean’s hands back to his lips, still whispering in Enochian, kissing each digit lightly.

“You, uh,” Dean gasped out, blinking the tears from his eyes, “You gonna share with the class?”

“Hm?” Cas didn’t seem to notice, his attention focused on pressing kisses into Dean’s hand and the back of Dean’s neck.

Dean shivered, “What’cha talkin’ about?”

“You.”

Dean rolled his eyes and huffed, his face heated, “Alright, well. You wanna at least tell me what that was all about?”

“What, Dean?”

“You hulkin’ out on me? What I was sayin’, seemed to really get you going,” Dean asked, turning his head back to Cas. He couldn’t seem to turn all the way around. Cas was still hard inside him, “I mean it was hot as all hell but, uh…”

“Yes, Dean?” Did Cas sound… unsure?

“Are you still packin’ heat back there, man?” Dean asked. He still felt so full and Cas’s length was so hot inside him. The feeling made his mouth water though he knew he needed to rest.

“I, uhm, yes, Dean,” Cas said. 

So this is something that cas thought would never come up, like you couldnt have tortured this fantasy out of him. But of course, dean’s gotta know everything, ur not supposed to keep stuff from him!!!

Dean’s mouth suddenly went dry and his dick twitched again. He breathed through his nose twice before responding, “Explain it to me like I’m stupid, man. You fuckin’ me again? I gotta warn you, I’m not gonna be the most exciting lay without some water and a little somethin’ to eat.”

“Dean, you would always be the most exciting—“

“Cas.”

Cas sighed, “I didn’t think it was possible in this vessel, in my current state, but what you said, I’ve thought about more than a few times and it was sort of unexpected—“

“You liked the knockin’ me up stuff, huh?” Dean asked, a smirk painted all over his face, “You think about it?”

Dean feeling like he’s just gotten a good grade in sex, he’s very normal

Dean felt Cas’s sigh more than he heard it, “Yes.”

“Well, why do you pull out and we can talk about it?” 

This wouldnt be kink negotiation btw this would just be dean putting cas under a microscope for a second

“I— I can’t do that, yet,” Cas said.

“Excuse me?” Dean asked and attempted to roll his hips off Cas. When met with resistance, they both hissed and moaned, over sensitive. Dean settled back against Cas in resignation, confusion tightening his body, “Cas, buddy, you know I’m ride or die, but I’m gonna need to know what’s going on here.”

“The idea of impregnating you,” Cas began slowly, “While not something feasible, I find highly stimulating.”

Dean waited for him to continue. When it seemed no response was forthcoming, he pressed, “And?”

Cas huffed behind him, “And, being presented with the idea mid-coitus, prompted an unexpected, angelic physiological response, causing the base of my penis to swell.”

“J-Just the base?”

“Yes,” Cas said, “Like… a knot.”

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Dean muttered under his breath. His skin was starting to itch from his drying sweat, “So, uh, how long is this gonna take?”

“Given that we lay still, it should recede within minutes.”

“Lay still?” Dean asked, “You mean if I move, this thing will keep going? Like forever?”

“I do have some physical limitations, Dean,” Cas said, “The longest I’ve heard it lasting was at most a few days. If Balthazar is to be believed, that is.”

In my perfect world balthazar is back and sucking and fucking with the best of them…

“Days?” Dean choked.

“Don’t worry, Dean,” Cas said, rubbing his arm, “Using my grace, it shouldn’t be long.”

“‘Kay,” Dean said. It wasn’t so bad, he supposed– still feeling full of Cas, Cas’s body pressed flush against him, his fingers trailing meandering lines up and down his arm. He leaned back into the touch, the action causing their hips to move slightly. Cas hissed behind him. 

It wasnt so bad… me when i lie… this is the best for dean. Cas is literally attached to him!!! Cannot leave!!! Yippee, wahoo!!

“Dean,” Cas breathed out, “Please.”

“Oh, sorry,” Dean said, stilling in Cas’s arms. They lay together breathing slowly, legs tangled and Cas’s breath on Dean’s neck, “It was really hot, though.”

“Hm?”

“You kinda lost it, Cas,” Dean huffed out a laugh, “I dunno, you’re always so smooth. It was kinda nice to see you… let loose.”

Cas pressed a kiss to Dean’s shoulder, “I’m glad you were able to derive pleasure from my lack of control.”

“I can’t see your face right now, man, but you better not be having a pity party while you’re still balls deep in my ass,” Dean said, “I’d wanna do it again. Maybe with a little more lube, though.”

Cas’s arms tightened around him, “That is reassuring.”

Another moment.

“So,” Dean said, trying hard to keep it casual, “You got baby rabies or something?”

“Baby rabies?”

“You wanna have another kid?” Dean explained.

“Oh,” Cas replied, “No, Dean, I am quite happy with our family structure as it is.”

Dean let the warm feeling of Cas saying ‘our family’ wash over him before responding, “So, the knockin’ me up stuff that’s just… for fun?”

Housewife dean… also hearing that cas is like “fine” with everything that went down is such a balm for dean lol, there is no war in ba sing se u kno….

Cas paused, “Yes.”

“That’s kinda kinky, Cas,” Dean smiled, his eyebrows raised, “And you think about it?”

“I like the idea of,” Cas paused again, “Laying claim to you. From the inside.”

Dean flushed and his dick twitched, “Yeah?”

“The idea of you carrying a fetus I sired,” Cas whispered into Dean’s neck, right over the bite mark, “The way it would grow and people would know that I’d had you, like this.” His breath grew heavier, his hand trailed up Dean’s arm to touch the base of his jaw, “Arouses me.”

Dean shuddered, his back arching slightly, “Yeah, yeah.” There was no way he was getting hard again, not so soon, but hell if what Cas was saying didn’t sound compelling.

The thing abt destiel is that they both like to be Owned and to Own. A mutual marker of ownership or partnership is so sexy to them.

Suddenly, Cas pulled out. They gasped in unison from the dry pull of it, Dean wincing and gasping. Cas kissed an apology into his shoulder and raised his hand, presumably to grace away the evidence of their night. Dean grabbed Cas’s hand fast.

“Wait, uh,” Dean swallowed. Fuck, he really did need water, “How’s that bite lookin’?”

“It is… very deep, Dean,” Cas said, “I’m very sorry, allow me to heal it.”

It felt deep. And it ached. Throbbed even. 

“No, that’s, that’s okay,” Dean said and turned over to face Cas, pressing a kiss to the side of his mouth, “I like it.”

Theyre gonna stare at that nasty bruised thing for hours btw.

Cas’s nose flared and his eyes darkened. He moved in fast to kiss Dean,  his hands coming up to cradle Dean’s head. Cas kissed him long and slow, teasing Dean’s lower lip between his teeth, sliding his tongue so far inside. Dean moaned into the kiss and breathed hard through his nose, powerless against the feel of Cas’s mouth. 

When they broke apart, Dean watched as Cas’s eyes raked over him, eyes lingering on the bite mark. He smiled and tapped Cas’s thigh.

“Alright well, you can at least grace clean us up,” Dean said, “I’m like sore, dude, you really got deep in there. Leave the bite.”

Cas’s expression turned downright smug before he waved his hand, cleaning them up in an instant. Relief came over Dean sweet and easy, like it always did when they were like this. What followed was soft touches, quick kisses and whispers, and feelings pouring out of them.

“C’mon,” Dean pulled away, “I wanna catch at least one episode before we try again.”

“Try again?” A line appeared between Cas’s brows.

“Yeah, man,” Dean smirked as he rose from the bed to reach for his robe, “I don’t think baby making always happens on the first try. Gotta keep at it.” He winked as Cas swallowed heavily, blue eyes wide.

They don’t make it through the episode. 

In my mind, they fall asleep on the couch with Cas’s knot still in dean bc WHY would they separate from each other????

[soullessjack]

I’ve been on TikTok a lot because my FYP has been infiltrated by SPN and most people on there think he has the mental mind of a 3 y/o or a baby. How is this possible to think with his storylines? It doesn’t make sense to me. I wasn’t in the fandom, just an avid show watcher, and I saw him similar to Amara and how she’s an adult that grew up fast except he was just born grown but naive because the world is complex. So how do people get to him having a baby mind? It feels ableist to me but I can’t figure out how to articulate why (like when someone has developmental disabilities and someone says, “They have the mind of a _y/o,” when that person’s needs/skills/etc are more complex) and I was wondering if you could shine some light on why you think this happens. I don’t think people understand why other people have uncomfortable feelings surrounding baby/toddler/kid!Jack but I can’t remove it from accidental ableism. I’ve tried talking to people about it on TikTok but they either double down or say that it’s my opinion. However, I don’t feel like canon supports theirs. Thank you. I love you your posts about Jack and your insight. Good work.

hi, thanks :3

genuinely I don’t know, and I ask myself that every single time I go through spn tiktok lmao. the best I can figure is, for one, TikTok is the app where media literacy and nuance go to die like dogs. there’s no arguing with anybody there unless you get lucky (source: I’ve argued).

two, I think genuinely it comes from the over-saturation of baby!jack content in the fandom, both in and out of tumblr, and the extremely minimal amount of content where he’s actually treated with nuance and complexity. like, it exists, but only in very small circles that the majority of the fandom clearly ignores. from what I’ve seen most of spn-tok is focused on TFW or Dean or Destiel and don’t generally care about Jack that much, so it kinda makes sense that they’d just run with the most prevalent idea of jack and not really think about it in the long run, or when they watch the show.

a lot of the arguments I’ve seen literally boil down to “he wears Velcro sneakers” and “he doesn’t know [insert thing]” or just his general social awkwardness/unawareness (which Cas displayed all the time in the early seasons but never got outright infantilized for). like look at this:

and there’s millions more comments like this, unfortunately. I don’t mean to speak for everyone, but at least for me, the body language and specific mannerisms Alex put into his portrayal of Jack is what resonated the most as an autistic thing, naïveté and poor social skills aside of course. Like, he fidgets/stims constantly—

and none of this is scripted for him to do, either! Alex just decided it worked, and he was right!!

—and to see these very blatant autistic traits be reduced down to “portrayal of a child/toddler” is downright sickening, especially when plenty of other autistic fans have pointed it out and expressed to Alex that they relate to Jack and even asked if he had done it on purpose because it was so well done.

what I’m personally confused on is how many people will double down on jack being a child like it’s driftwood in the ocean. like, going back to my argument, I gave the other person multiple points in the show that make it obvious jack is intended to be an adult. Harper, the beer, any of the trauma he’s endured; the works. and all they had to say to that was “you do you I guess.” and it’s like what do you mean, ‘you do you’? I’m giving you actual examples that happen in the show, and I’m asking you to think ‘hey, maybe if jack flirted with a girl and talked nonstop about what it’s like to fall in love and have sex for an entire episode and had his dad offer to go to a dive bar for bucket-list hookups in the episode after, maybe he isn’t a child.’

but again, this is TikTok, so asking for any kind of self examination is asking for too much.

it just strikes me as odd. it’s odd and confusing and horribly frustrating that people are dying on this hill like it’s some kind of civic duty. like, why does it matter to you so much to see Jack as a child? why is it so important for you to think of him that way, that you just ignore canon evidence and autistic voices to make yourself feel right? what was even weirder was they were autistic themselves, and said they wouldn’t dream of infantilizing him, but here we are. their reasoning was “he’s literally 3 by the end of the show,” and that was it. And of course they weren’t wrong, but if you look at every time Jack or anyone else acknowledges his age:

D: “how old do you think you are?”

J: “3 days, 17 hours and 42 minutes”

Dean shrugs and lets him drink beer.

M: “You should be six months old.”

J: “I am…sort of.”

Mary shrugs and treats Jack like a teenager from there on out

M: “Do you ever hang out? I mean, with kids your own age?”

J: “Well, I’m two…enty. I’m twenty…two. I’m twenty-two.”

While the show acknowledges Jack’s actual age, it’s arguably on the same level of acknowledgment of Cas being literally older than time, because what people strangely fail to remember is that Jack is not completely human and doesn’t have the natural aging or developmental process that humans do. He’s three in the same way Vision is three, and Vision is already married with children. Beyond that, there are plenty of times when Jack is referred to as a teenager or treated like one, like Dean’s “he’s a millennial” joke in Last Holiday (wrongly termed but the intent is still there). Hell, even in the scripts they’ll directly say things like:

“Jack is spiraling out, a teenage powder keg,” (13x06 Tombstone, deleted writer’s draft)

“Kelly can’t help but smile, so impressed by the man he’s become, but not about to let him out of her sight,” (14x08 Byzantium, prod. draft)

that make it pretty clear Jack is functionally an adult despite his unnatural age, just like Cas or Amara or even Emma (also the added bonus that Jack explicitly hates being called a child or treated like one, but people literally reacted to that like “oh silly baby wants to be in charge like a grownup” so, like, I don’t even know what to do with that) (and banking off of that, every other time Jack is explicitly put into an adult situation, like flirting with Harper and literally asking Dean how to have sex, sooo many notes on that gif set were the same parroted “nooo baby boy don’t corrupt your innocent mind!! dean is such a bad influence 😂😂😂😂”, so the obtuseness is very intentional). I try not to be accusatory when I talk about the way Jack is treated in the fandom, as a general for online discussion and because I know it’s largely unintentional, but I really do think Destiel (and Sastiel) have some hand in it.

If you look at the majority of Baby!Jack content, it all centers around how domestic either ship is with baby!jack, how good Dean is with kids (baby jack) and how much of a sweet older sister Claire would be, etc. It’s all for the sake of domesticity. It’s the white picket fence family dream that canon TFW2.0 doesn’t really quite have. It’s to make Dean and Cas and Sam and Cas and Claire and Rowena and whoever else, a softer version of themselves. It’s never actually about Jack. He’s just the cannon fodder; the prop; the dress setting; the accessory. He’s there to make everyone else look better and to fuel them forward. No matter how much people want to argue that it’s “giving Jack the childhood he should’ve had,” we both know it’s not actually about him, because canon coming in with the steel chair again: Jack literally chose to be an adult. He hates being considered a child and has never expressed anything more than wanting to be a regular teenager. And like I said, people on spn-tok are naturally Destiel centered, so it’s honestly not very surprising that they just can’t let go of this content cow because it’s just too cute and wholesome and precious of course, despite it being rampant ableism and just generally annoying to people who actually do care about Jack in a deeper sense. Gag me. So maybe that explains the doubling down, but then what gets even more confusing to me is, like, you can have a domestic family AU that doesn’t rely on erasing a character to fit a specific image. You can have a domestic family AU without being ableist about it. You don’t have to do any of the things you keep consistently doing. You even fucking already it in the show! Canon TFW2.0 is dysfunctional on various levels, but so was TFW, and so were just Sam and Dean. It’s simply their dynamic, and it’s what adds to their family bond being what it is to begin with. Nothing you’re doing is something you need to.

I wanna stop before this gets longer than it has to be, but for one final thought I think the general lack of care for autistic people in any space is part of it, too. It’s why half of our representation is painfully inaccurate or egregiously offensive; it’s why fandoms of media with autistic/autistic-coded characters almost always rampantly infantilize them (cough cough SheRa). And like with Alex’s mannerism choices, it’s the distinct yet subconscious connection between autistic behaviors and childlike behaviors, because autistic people are so largely treated as incapable innocent children and cannon fodder for their autism warrior parents; both of which reflect like direct sunlight in Baby!Jack tropes. And it’s why people just don’t care enough to do anything about it, to heed any criticisms about the harm they’re doing, because to them it’s not harmful. It’s not a problem that’s doing any perceivably “real” damage because they haven’t been personally hurt by it (except when it comes to unfair Dean criticism or Sam or Cas criticism, because that’s clearly more important than ableist rhetoric and representation erasure), and probably because they already hold those views to autistic people in the real world.

The world at large does not care for autistic people, or disabled people in general. Nothing that hurts us is considered anything serious. Nothing that matters to us is considered valuable or worth respecting. And because of that, we already struggle in the real world day by day, so we turn to online spaces for connection and sharing our interests safely. We turn here for community, only to be met with the same indifference and rejection as the real world, because the same people we’re trying to avoid are here too, and then we have nowhere else.

•••

**im probably going to make this a separate post but I also want to talk about the weird cognitive dissonance that the fandom has with babyjack and how it’s pretty much considered “acceptable infantilization,” and how so many people in the fandom have said they want more complex jack but still engage with content that actively erases Jack’s complexity and relies on that erasure to make him what he is).

***edit: tags 4 reach, absolutely feel free to ask for removal! ik it’s out of the blue but you guys have had some of the better takes on jack lol @angelsdean @hauntedpearl @uh-ohspaghettio @queermania

[atopvisenyashill]

9, 10, 19, 22 🙃

9. worst part of canon

hmmmmmm. while i will say the lack of dothraki/essosi povs is probably worse narratively, i do at least understand why he chose to build the narrative that way (even tho i think the narrative he’s building ultimately suffers for this choice). dead ladies club just pisses me off. why is everyone dying in childbirth. why is the name of ned’s mom not relevant. why did the oldest dayne have to be a man. why do we have no idea when shaera daena daenaera died. george i’m in your fucking walls.

10. worst part of fanon

again it’s just objectively the insane arya stans or the targnation people bc they make their illiteracy everyone else’s problem and have on more than one occasion dogpiled on random artists for *checks notes* drawing a character with a skin color darker than FFFFFF. does anyone know the story of the butch that got got by the french resistance in wwii for being a nazi, or that one lesbian that was friends with hitler? that’s what these people are and it’s not an ~annoying fandom quirk~ it’s just naked bigotry.

if we’re talking “annoying but not problematic” tbh for MOI it’s the king jon truthers, i just can’t take any of it seriously when he’s denied winterfell and a lordship for himself more than once, doesn’t like leading, and is bad at it when he tries! ntm i just don’t feel like it’s narratively satisfying if one (1) targ ends up winning and the other two die. i need all three of them nowhere near the throne at the ending to be happy!!!!

19. you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

hmmmmm. i definitely didn’t think i’d get so hardcore into parent/child incest when i started this blog i’ll tell you wHat. especially when in my humble opinion people get way too into incest ships and act like they’re oppressed for it ajsjs like idk perhaps that is the destiel shipper in me but i’ve spent so long in fandoms where people would be like “if you can’t see anna/elsa lesbianism you’re homophobic” they’re sisters EYE am not the freak here and that’s fine let your freak flag fly but be REAL aksjsj. and now i’m like “stop yelling at me for saying alicent’s sons want to fuck their mom when i’m right” lol. and also having spent so many years going “why do you guys think jonerys is romantic that’s his AUNT” turns out i can get into targcest when it doesn’t involve dany (bc i just don’t think it adds anything to her story!! what she just uncritically follows in the footsteps of her ancestors and the practice which helped abuse and subjugate women in her family forever and fucks her nephews?? for what for WHY)

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

we all know what it is babeeeeee

i also do feel like there’s a distinct lack of smallfolk stans like people will pay lip service but when it actually comes to smallfolk characters it’s all “oh i think davos is boring” “oh i don’t see the point of bringing gendry back into arya’s story” “oh i hate hugh/ulf” “oh robb’s campaign is against a vile evil it’s fine if he marched over some poors” “well mirri murdered a baby so” i’ve even seen “dunk is boring” IS THERE A GAS LEAK IN EVERYONES HOUSES COLLECTIVELY. WHAT HAPPENED TO EAT THE RICH HUH??

[steddiesupportpodcast]

Meet the Podcast Team!

It's about time that we introduce ourselves, we're the team behind the Steddie Support Group Podcast 👋 Big thanks to @glitterfang for the amazing portraits 🎨🖌️

ALENA aka @peter-pantomime

Any Pronouns | Virgo | 30

I’m a veteran fan and amateur academic who loves analyzing individual characters and their interpersonal relationships, the plots, themes, symbols, and genre staples of pop culture media, and the dynamics between media fans and creators. I’m coming to Stranger Things from a long history of examining how fans participate in the process of making meaning through their interactions with media texts, and to Steddie from an even longer history of being emotionally devastated by blorbos and ships, the most notable being Destiel, Stucky, and Reddie. I love talking to people about all these ideas everywhere from Tik Tok comments to academic conferences, and so I’m super excited to have the opportunity to be a part of this podcast with so many wonderful people!

Guest & Host Appears on: Episode 4, 5, & 6

Twitter: @peterpantomime TikTok: peterpantomime Youtube: Peter-Pantomime

AMY aka @mojowitchcraft

She/Her | Scorpio | 33

I’ve been a fan of Stranger Things since day one, but fell headfirst into the Steddie hole last summer. There is no way out, I’m trapped, I’m stuck in here with them. Before Steddie I’d been an avid fanfic reader but I was always too shy to write anything. Over the past year my confidence in my writing has grown so much and I’ve met so many amazing and wonderful people in this community. Very excited to be part of the podcast team and lend my voice to our discussions! 

Producer, Host, Guest & Promo Team Appears on: Episodes 1, 4, 6, 7, & 13

Ao3: weird_witchcraft Twitter: @mojowitchcraft TikTok: mojowitchcraft

ASH aka @steddiehands86

They/He | Gemini | 37 

Joined the Steddie community around October and have been nonstop writing and cosplaying since. I have been writing on Ao3 since ‘09, but never so much as with this fandom. I’m so fortunate to be a part of this lovely group of people to talk about our brainrot in a safe, sane, consensual space… I’m also a Gemini, and like long walks in the woods. 

Guest, Mod Tech & Transcript Editor Appears on: Episode 1, 8, 11 & 12

Ao3: steddiehands86 Twitter: @steddiehands86 TikTok: steddiehands86 Instagram: steddiehands86

BECCA aka @glitterfang

She/Her | Taurus | 35 

I was a casual fan of Stranger Things up until Season 4. Now the brainrot’s got a hold of me and won’t let go. I’ve spent most of my time in this fandom as a small potatoes fan artist but have recently started writing fic as well! I love our little Steddie family and community and I’m just happy to be here. 

Host, Guest & Resident Artist Appears on: Episode 3 & 9 

Ao3: pizzabones Twitter: @glitterfangart TikTok: glitterfang Instagram: glitterfangs

BECKS aka @beccichu

They/She | Aquarius | 24

“Nope, you can’t start watching Stranger Things just because of him” were my thoughts last year after hundreds and hundreds of Stranger Things and Eddie Munson edits on tiktok. Well, after binge watching 4 whole seasons (the last one two times in a row) I fell head over heels for Steve and Eddie and into the Steddie hole pretty fast where I’ve been here ever since. I do write every now and then but my passion is cosplaying, talking about the blorbos nonstop and sharing my love for this community with others! 

Promo Team

Ao3: MsBecciChan Twitter: beccichuu TikTok: beccichu Instagram: beccichu

BIRDIE aka @audacityofbird

She/Her | Leo | 39

Bird isn’t even her real name, but she wasn’t sure if going by ���The Motherf*cking Lizard King’ would be appropriate. Bird has been a fan of Stranger Things since the start. The ensemble cast, nostalgia and the way the show wove music into it in such a beautiful way hooked her immediately. The brain rot didn’t set in firmly enough to scour Ao3 until  2022 at the release of Season 4 but then the rest was history. A fandom lover and fanfic reader/ writer at heart, but her favorite role in fandom spaces is cheerleading, beta reading and being a part of the community. The love for these characters and the stories run deep but her gratitude for the friendships she’s formed here runs deeper. 

Guest, Mod Tech & Audio Editor Appears on: Episode 3 & 10

Ao3: audacity_of_bluejays Twitter: @audacityofbird

CADY aka @lostinadmiration

Any Prounouns | Capricorn | 33

Cady was a casual fan of Stranger Things until Eddie Munson flirted with Steve Harrington and then went and fucking died. She went online to cope with the grief, and stumbled onto Steddie art, which snowballed into discovering fanfiction, and landed her in a beautiful community of loving and supporting friends who love talking about those gay dudes! In the year of brain rot she completed two fics, has two neglected WIPs, and loves chugging out art. She also wants everyone to know she’s IYLO’s biggest fan and would love to discuss it with everyone and anyone!

Guest & Host Appears on: Episode 1, 9, 10, & 13

Ao3: lostnadmiration Twitter: @lostnadmiration TikTok: lostin_admiration  Tumblr: lostin_admiration

DAE aka @strawberryspence

She/Her | Libra | 23

Dae has been watching Stranger Things from the beginning, falling in love with the friendships and found family tropes in its core. She has always had a soft spot for Steve Harrington, this only intensified when Eddie Munson was thrown in the mix. Dae spends her time writing Steddie fics (mostly angst), editing and having mental breakdowns about gay fictional characters. 

Guest, Graphics Creator & Promo Team Appears on: Episode 4

Ao3: strawberryspence Twitter: @strawberrysomin TikTok: strawberryspence

JESS aka @mydarkdevotion

She/They | Pisces | 31

I’ve been watching Stranger Things since the beginning and fell in love so hard that I ended up getting Eleven’s 011 on my wrist in my cousin’s bedroom. I’ve been reading fanfiction way before stepping into Steddie and writing has grown more since then too. I guess you can say my friends see me as the person that would dive right into the danger (No tag reads/ No summaries) What can I say? I love surprises. Even if they end up in tears. Anyone who's seen my tiktok knows. But all in all just a real down-to-earth friendly person enjoying the thing I love.     

Guest | Appears on: Episode 5 & 11

Ao3: MyDarkDevotion Twitter: @mydarkdevotion TikTok: MyDarkDevotion

KAYLEE aka @sweetz059

She/They | Libra | 24

Kaylee has loved watching Stranger Things since she was 16, reading cutesy Byler fics and appreciating all the found family the fandom had to offer, and always having a soft spot for Steve Harrington. They didn’t really dive in until Season 3, however, when she finally was given a character that they could see themselves in. One Robin Buckley. Which just intensified her love for Steve even more. Then Season 4 happened, and Eddie Munson happened, and Kaylee finally saw the perfect match for Steve. Now they’re one fic down, and who knows how many more to go, and she wouldn’t want it any other way.

Guest, Host & Producer Appears on: Episode 3, 6, 8, 11, & 12

Ao3: sweetz059 Twitter: @sweetz059 TikTok: sweetz059 Instagram: sweetz059

KK aka @knormalizeknitting

Any Pronouns | Taurus | 39

KK is a genderless void who has been a nerd since time immemorial so naturally they’re obsessed with Stranger Things. They were a “normal” level of into the show, for a total geek that is, until Eddie Munson appeared and the Steddie ship set sail. Now KK spends all their time projecting Steddie onto every fictional pairing that has ever existed in media and finding new ways to torture Steve Harrington before letting him finally kiss Eddie. They’re extremely excited to be part of the podcast, make new friends on the server and talk Steddie / ST with so many lovely people when they’re not giving Steve even more trauma on ao3.

Guest, Host, Audio Editor & Mod Tech Appears on: Episode 2, 8, 12 & 13

Ao3: knormalizeknitting Twitter: @knormalknitting TikTok: knormalizeknittin Instagram: knormalizeknitting

KRIS aka @kwills91

They/Them | Gemini | 32 

I’ve written and read fanfic for many, many years, but it had been a while since I existed in a particular fandom. Then Season 4 of Stranger Things came out and I fell in love with Steddie. After mass consuming as many fics as I could get my eyeballs on, I decided that there weren’t nearly enough Steve breakdowns in them and began writing my own, and I’ve been unable to stop writing since. Hundreds of thousands of words of writing and millions of words of reading later and the brainrot is showing no signs of dying. And hopefully never will. Which is why I’m so excited to be part of this podcast.

Guest, Host & Mod Tech Appears on: Episode 2, 3, 8 & 10

Ao3: Kwills91 Twitter: @k_wills91 TikTok: kwills91

MANON @transmascsteveharrington

They/He | Aries | 26

“The binge watch format of Netflix shows hinders the growth and development of fandoms compared to linear released shows. Therefore it is unlikely that many viewers of Stranger Things will ever participate/form a fandom and read or write fanfiction-” is a sentence I once wrote in an essay in 2017 for my undergrad. Then the universe had a right laugh and several years, one gender crisis, and about 250k words of written steddie fics and countless words of read steddie fics later I am now here. I’m an avid writer and reader of stangst (Steve angst) and could talk about it for hours. That’s why I’m super excited to be part of this podcast. 

Guest, Host & Producer | Appears on: Episode 2, 6, 8, 10, & 13

Ao3: ChristinMKay Twitter: @t4teddiemunson TikTok: ger_manon

SAGE aka @miserablekingsteve

They/Them | Virgo | 24

I watched Stranger Things back in 2016. Only because my mum was watching it in the other room, and I heard Joy Division’s ‘Atmosphere’ start playing. Causing me to come running out of my room and question what she was watching. Prior to that fateful moment, I was probably holed up, writing Torchwood fanfiction or listening to the audio dramas while live posting on tumblr. Safe to say I’ve been in fandom spaces for quite some time. Yet never had written anything with as much velocity as I did when Steddie quite literally dove into my periphery. What? Eddie Munson was doing Ketamine and being ridiculous, hard not to relate to that one. I’m super stoked to have had any opportunity to be involved in fandom this much and I’m excited to see where it continues to take me!  

Guest & Promo Team Appears on: Episode 6, 8, 11 & 12 

Ao3: miserablekings TikTok: miserablekings

SARA aka @3blackhearts

She/Her | Leo | 36

I’ve been watching Stranger Things since the beginning. I loved how creative and nostalgia-driven the show is. The death (maybe, hopefully not, let me be delulu a little longer) of Eddie Munson is what drove me to read my first fanfiction ever. I hadn’t resonated with a character that much in a long time and having his ending be so unsatisfying on the show led me to want a world where that’s fixed or never happens (shout out to AUs). Since joining the fandom I’ve found my niche by making podfics, and now this podcast. In real life, I work for a local non-profit and am a visual artist.  President & Founder of the DILF Steve Harrington Fan Club.

Guest, Host, Producer, Mod Tech & Audio Editor Appears on Episodes: 3, 4, 5, 10, & 11

Ao3: 3blackhearts Twitter: @3_blackhearts TikTok: 3blackhearts

[asecretvice]

have you published/posted any more of your poetry? nights in pink satin has been stuck in my mind for weeks now, and i’d love to read more of your work

also ! do you have any fic recs? i’d never read a supernatural fic before, so i have no idea where to start lol

Wow, thanks so much for your interest in my poetry! That one of them got stuck in your head is a great compliment indeed ^_^ Sadly I do not have poetry published. Maybe someday I’ll get my ducks in a row and start trying again.

As for fic recs....yes? The problem is there are too many! I’ve been in this fandom...well, this summer it will have been ten years. That is a lot of time to read fic. Especially since I don’t know your tastes, I will direct you to two amazing resources--two of many, truth be told, but these are first to come to mind. Truly, we have the most wonderful fandom full of incredibly generous fans who do spectacular things.

One of them is the Destiel Fan Survey. It sadly has stopped (it was a tremendous amount of work, I gather), but for a few years, it was an annual survey run by @unforth soliciting your fav destiel fics you read that year. The AO3 collection has almost 2800 fics in it plus 600 more bookmarked. The beauty of this collection/survey is that each one is the very favorite of someone in the fandom, so no matter your taste you’re going to find something incredible. I know it may seem like a lot, but given that the ship has over 100,000 fics on AO3 alone, this should be a less daunting pool to dive into.

For a more directed route, try The Mixtape Book Club. It’s a podcast run by @malmuses and @ellen-of-oz in which each episode discusses a trope and several awesome fics that use it. They also have an AO3 collection for ease of searching. Peruse their back catalog and pick whichever episode catches your eye! I believe most of them also have transcripts if listening to podcasts is not your thing.

It’d be remiss of me not to mention that all three of the people I called out here are amazing writers in their own right, so don’t forget to look at what they have to offer, too!

I hope this helps as you start out on your spn fic journey. Let me know if there’s anything else I can do! And thank you again for your ask :)

[mittensmorgul]

i’m finally home! i passed out for half the day when i got here (the usually 16 hour drive took 20... i have no idea what day it even is anymore...) so i’m not even attempting to figure out what’s going on or what i’ve missed.

@lets-steal-an-archive texted me the destiel meme, and this is how i learned tucker was fired from fox (I replied with lots of crab emojis), but other than that i’m out of the loop on everythng from the last 10 days or so :’D

guess i just gotta hit refresh and start scrolling!

it’s just too good to be home and i’m being deliberately lazy today. @spngeorg is still on hiatus because i never found time to even edit the episode i’d already recorded. it’s been a very long couple of weeks >.> Currently i’m aiming for starting it back up next week, so new episodes will hopefully start rolling out in May :)

*waves hi at everyone* i missed y’all :)

Here have some pics of Florida. I went so you don’t have to

This was the nice part. I won’t show my frustrated pics of being stuck in traffic by this lying sign

If you cant read it, it says “Welcome to Florida’s Turnpike, The Less Stressway.” Reader, I have never read a less honest sign. It was nothing but stress from mile marker zero (the first accident was just past mile marker 1, there were so many accidents. 6 in the first 38 miles! then i stopped counting! everyone seemed very stressed... plus we had to pay for the experience! though the guy in the black mustang with red racing stripes doing 40 in the left lane was on i95, not the turnpike... and the three car crash involving a shattered boat trailer with the ejected boat taking up 2 1/2 lanes was also on 95... so was the monsoon so heavy my car’s forward sensor system shut down because it couldn’t “see” the road through the sheets of water lol... it was a very long day honestly)

just try to focus on the pretty plumeria flower and lovely sunsets i guess and pretend i had a nice time :”D

[senashenta]

Storm Season: Chapter Four

Title: Storm Season (Chapter Four)

Pairing: Destiel

Rating: E

Warnings: Language, Violence, Smut

Summary: “Dean Winchester is Saved.” The angels all say, clear as a bell—and Dean crawls out of his own grave. Shortly after, he meets the person who pulled him out of Hell, and it turns out to be CASTIEL. Seven years after Cas vanished off the face of the Earth, Dean is suddenly confronted with his former lover again, only this time he’s not just a regular college kid—he’s an ANGEL, and Dean just doesn’t know how to compute that AT ALL.

But even after all these years, Dean can’t deny that he still has feelings for Cas, even as he and Sam embark on an out-of-place-palraijuq Hunt in Louisiana. Not even a giant crocodile monster can keep his attention when Cas comes around—and just like before, the angel is very, very distracting, bringing up Dean’s love for him once more. But things aren’t as simple as when they were younger and Cas was human, and it will take a lot of work before Dean can trust Cas again.

Notes: MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!! My gift to the few of you following this fic is a chapter a day early because I couldn’t resist posting a chapter on Christmas for you. Happy Holidays! <3

I’m still working on the LITERALLY TWENTY-FIVE (it’s down from thirty lol) one-shots that follow this fic, but in no particular order like. I’ve got #1 to #5 finished and also #23 to #25. Go figure idek my literal medicated ADHD brain. Now that I’m finished #25, I’m going to try to go back and finish #6 though and then work on them in order because… logic?? Hello??

Also, my next big project is going to be a Supernatural/The Walking Dead crossover just because I’m watching TWD right now and have a really good idea for one. :D

ALSO AVAILABLE ON AO3.

STORM SEASON ET AL TUMBLR MASTER POST HERE.

STORM SEASON Chapter Four By Senashenta

It had been five days since his last… encounter. With Cas. And Dean hadn’t seen hide nor hair of him since. Which was a good thing, because Dean didn’t know how he felt about anything right now: except that, after a while, he had begun to feel guilty over how he had treated Cas when they had last been together.

He had been hard, harsh. Overly rough. He shouldn’t have done that. Even if he was angry with Cas right now it didn’t excuse that behavior. Sure, Cas was an angel now—apparently always had been—and would heal easily, but still. It wasn’t right. So, now he was dealing with the nagging guilt on top of everything else, and that was his own damn fault.

As much as he was glad Cas wasn’t around right now, a hard as it was to be around him, Dean also kind of wished the angel was there so he could apologize, awkward as that apology would inevitably be. But he may have lost that chance already, all things considered. Cas might never be back. Again. Who really knew? For the time being, all Dean could do was wait it out.

He and Sam were currently on their way to Laramie, Wyoming, on the trail of a rather nasty sounding poltergeist. Bobby had sent them off on the job while he did some more research on their potential case in New Orleans. It was a long drive, but it was made mostly in silence. Dean could tell Sam wanted to ask him about a great many things, but the younger Winchester was trying to be respectful.

But he could only keep that up to a point.

They were reaching the turnoff for Laramie when Sam finally spoke up: “dude, you haven’t said two words since we left Pennsylvania. Did things go that badly with Cas?”

“No, Sam, they went swell.” Dean deadpanned, eyes still on the road.

“But did you get into an argument or something? We haven’t seen him in days.”

“Words were exchanged.”

“And?”

“And what do you want me to say, here, Sam?” Dean demanded, then followed that up by gritting his teeth and finally snapping; “we fucked, alright? We fucked and I was too hard, and I was too rough, and it was too impersonal, and then afterward I freaked out and kicked him out. Haven’t heard from him since.”

“First of all, way too much information, Dean! Second of all, that’s why he hasn’t been coming around?” Sam threw his hands into the air and let them fall back into his lap heavily, “you are such a freaking jerk!”

“I know, okay, I know!” Dean was white knuckling the steering wheel and privately apologizing to Baby for being too rough… which just reminded him of the problem at hand and made him tighten his grip even more. It would have been an endless cycle, if Sam hadn’t interrupted his thoughts with:

“You didn’t… hurt him, did you?”

“I don’t…” Dean still kept his eyes on the road, mostly, but glanced sideways at Sam just fleetingly. “I don’t know.” He answered truthfully. “I kicked him out before we could get into that. But he’s—he’s an angel, right? He—he heals.”

“I feel like it still counts, though, Dean.”

“No shit, Sam! I know! The entire thing was a—a mistake, I never should have—Goddamnit!” The elder Winchester cursed and banged a hand against the steering wheel, once again silently apologizing to Baby for it. “I’ve been kicking myself to Hell and back for it ever since, but I can’t do anything about it until he comes back. If he comes back.”

Sam was on his phone now, looking up motels in Laramie even while they had this serious conversation. “Turn left up here, there’s a motel a couple of streets down, looks like our kind of thing.” Then he paused before adding; “and once again, you’re a freaking moron. You swore you would never hurt Cas. You damn near killed yourself, trying to find him, and now that he’s back—”

“CAN WE PLEASE TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE.” Dean demanded loudly. “I just, I can’t—”

“SURE, DEAN.” Sam replied sarcastically, just as loud, even as they pulled into the parking lot of the motel he had been navigating them to. The neon sign was blinking Stargate Motel: Vacancies. Their room was probably going to be interesting. And by ‘interesting’ Sam meant ‘hideous.’ He shoved his phone into his pocket and looked at Dean pointedly. “How about you tell me how Hell was, huh? That’d be a great conversation, and I think it’s about time!”

“It was warm and balmy, like an oceanside vacation in Hawaii!” Dean snapped, before shoving his door open and leaning to grab his duffle bag out of the back seat; “I keep telling you, I don’t remember, Sam!”

“That is such bullshit, you’re just—” Sam broke off when they walked into the motel’s office and the two of them fell silent, though you could cut the tension with a knife. They were both glowering, the exact same expression on each of their faces. Sometimes it was easy to tell they were related.

The woman behind the desk glanced between them before clearing her throat and pulling out the booking ledger. She didn’t even bother to ask if they wanted a single bed or two, as most places did with them (it seemed to be a theme); “two queens is eighty-nine dollars a night.” She told them; “if you don’t want the cleaning staff to come in your room use the privacy signs provided. Check out is eleven a.m., cash, debit or credit?”

Dean paid for two weeks up front on his (admittedly fake) credit card, and then he went back out to the Impala to pull her around and park in front of room fifteen, all the way at the end of the motel aisle, while Sam chose to walk in an attempt to cool his head, carrying both his duffle bag and his shoulder bag with his computer in it—it wasn’t very far, anyway.

He was torn, really. Because in a lot of ways, he very much understood where Dean was coming from with the whole Castiel thing. Sam had been there for a lot of the searching, after Cas had gone missing. Had deferred his first year at Stanford to help Dean try to find Cas, and he had seen first-hand what Dean had gone through. But at the same time… Cas was back, now, and that was a good thing, and why Dean couldn’t see that past his own anger, Sam couldn’t understand. And the fact that he had potentially hurt Cas was… well. It was completely unbelievable. And yet there it was—Dean had not-quite-freely admitted it.

Sam assumed, and he thought rightly so, though he couldn’t be sure because Dean wouldn’t talk about it, that part of the problem was Dean’s entire tour in Hell. He was dealing with that at the same time as the whole thing with Cas—or not dealing with it, as the case may be—and it was making him twitchy, aggravated, angry, on edge. And Sam was sure—sure—that Dean was lying when he said he didn’t remember his time in Hell, but he had no way to prove it so all he could do was keep at it, keep asking, until eventually Dean decided to tell him. Be as annoying as possible, basically. He was good at that, he’d had practice; he was the younger brother.

But also…

Sometimes, he thought, he should give Dean a break. He had just spent four months in Hell, after all, and the love of his life had just come back from the apparent dead. So maybe he just needed some more time before…

Sam sighed. Yeah, okay.

When he got to room fifteen, the door was hanging open and Dean was already inside. Sam paused on the threshold because wow. The entire room was decorated with stars and mirrors, like a disco ball had thrown up in it. Sleeping in it would be interesting, indeed. Shaking his head, Sam stepped inside and closed the door behind himself, then double locked it out of habit alone.

Dean had already taken over the bed closest to the door, so Sam took the other one, dumping his bags on it unceremoniously. “Dean,” He said after a couple of minutes of tense silence, “I’m… sorry. I don’t know what you’re going through. How could I? So, I shouldn’t judge. I just… I’m worried. That’s all. About you, and about Cas, and about the whole Hell situation, so… I’m just sorry. I’ll try to be less… overbearing. Okay?”

Dean had been organizing his weapons, tucking his bowie knife under his pillow, but his hands paused at that, and he sighed out a long, somewhat shaky breath. “It’s just really complicated, Sammy. I can’t even explain it all, everything that’s going on in my head right now. It’s a freaking mess.” Then a pause followed by; “I’m going for food, you want anything?”

Sam looked at him for a long moment, like he really wanted to say something, before just starting to pull his laptop out of its’ bag with a shrug, “yeah, just grab me something. Don’t care what, as long as it has vegetables.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Dean pulled his keys back out, left his things strewn across his bed, and headed for the door. “Don’t forget to lock the door behind me.”

“Dude. I know motel safety.” Sam protested. “I’m twenty-six.”

“And I’m still older, so I still get to boss you around.” Dean came back, even as he was ducking out the door.

Sam resisted the urge to throw something at his back, a shoe sounded tempting—his inner child’s reaction to being talked down to—and instead headed over to bolt the lock and slide the chain-lock into place with a click. Basic motel safety was the first thing John Winchester had taught his sons when he had started taking them on the road with him; when Sam was a few years old, and Dean was old enough to watch after his little brother (most of the time.) It wasn’t something Sam was likely to forget any time soon.

Once the door was securely locked, Sam went to his duffle bag and dug out a container of salt, then proceeded to lay down a salt line along the bathroom window ledge and along the bottom of the door. He was just finishing that when a voice from back behind him in the room told him conversationally:

“You know that only works on demons and ghosts. Other things can still get in.”

Of course Sam knew that. He rolled his eyes and finished up the salt line he was working on. “Yeah, but it’s better than nothing, Cas.” When he was done, he straightened and turned around to face the angel, pausing to look him over for a long moment. He looked okay, at the very least; had a little, amused smile on his face. “Dean went out for food. He’ll be back in a bit if you want to hang around.”

That was where Cas’s mask slipped slightly. He glanced downward. “No, I… I can’t stay. I wanted to talk to you.”

Sam blinked, surprised, but then it clicked, and he asked; “about Dean?”

Cas nodded, not quite making eye contact. “I try to keep an eye on him; on both of you. But my duties in Heaven have kept me away for the last few days, and I haven’t been able to look in on him. When we last saw each other… it didn’t…” Trailing off, he sighed and shook his head, “I’m just worried about him. I want to know how he’s doing.”

“So stay and ask him yourself.” Sam suggested.

“I don’t think…” Cas began, then trailed off again before finishing with; “I doubt he wants to see me right now.”

And that was when Sam realized it: Dean hadn’t just hurt Cas during their last encounter, they had hurt each other, and of course neither of them was willing to take the hard first step towards talking about it. Dean was just being stubborn, emotionally constipated, but Cas was obviously worried about possibly doing even more damage. They were both clearly afraid of having their hearts broken again.

Sam didn’t envy either of them.

“Dean’s… you know how he is. He doesn’t like to talk about anything.” He told Cas after a short pause, “but… he feels terrible, about what happened the last time you were together. I know that much.”

“He told you?”

“Not the details. Are you alright?”

“Physically? I’m… I mean. Angels heal quickly. And he didn’t do much damage.” Cas shrugged one shoulder lightly and finally looked at Sam properly, “besides, he didn’t do anything I didn’t consent to.” It was obvious Cas had regrets, though, in the way he was standing, the way he was holding himself. “It’s my fault anyway, I shouldn’t have let things go that far… neither of us was ready.”

Sam crossed the room to take a seat at the kitchen table and Cas trailed along behind him, but refrained from sitting down himself, even when Sam gestured toward another of the chairs. “You had no way of knowing. Neither of you did.” When Cas didn’t respond, just glanced away, Sam sighed. “Look, he’s… dealing. But he’s barely hanging on, even if he won’t admit it.”

Cas looked down. “Yeah, I was afraid of that.”

“You really need to talk to him, Cas.”

“Sam, I can’t, I’ve tried explaining myself and I just… I don’t know what else I can say.”

“Okay, but at this point you have to try, Dean has been carrying a torch for you for thirteen years, he still is—” Sam broke off, making a frustrated noise, but when he opened his mouth to continue, he was interrupted by a banging on the door. He glanced over. “That’ll be Dean.” He told Cas. “It’s up to you.”

Cas hesitated while Sam got up and went over to open the door. When he unlocked it and swung it inward Dean was standing there with a bag in one arm and a case of beer in the other—and for just a split-second green eyes flitted past Sam to land on Cas. But then he blinked, and Cas was gone.

“Christ, I must be tired. I’m seeing things.” Dean muttered and pushed the bag of convenience store food—probably not a single vegetable in sight—into Sam’s hands as he made his way past his brother and into the room.

Sam just took the bag when it was shoved at him and made a disappointed noise when he turned around, and Cas had disappeared.

-- --

The poltergeist in Laramie turned out to actually be at the Public Library there, and Dean only made approximately fifty million Ghostbusters references when he found that out before Sam finally got sick of it and made him stop by threatening to spray paint the Impala pink. Dean had smacked him upside the head at just the thought, which had initiated a full-on slap-fight, which had led to a flailing wrestling match and eventually ended up with the two of them sprawled on the floor, huffing and glaring at the ceiling after a few minutes. So, typical Winchester sibling behavior. Afterward they sat down and had a beer together.

It wasn’t Dean’s first beer of the day, and it wouldn’t be his last. He was still fully committed to his Day Drinking to keep his mind of Cas, especially after what had happened the last time they’d been together. The guilt from that encounter still crawled up his spine every time he thought about it. He just tried to shove the memories deep under alcohol and Hunting as much as possible.

It was still their first day in Laramie, though the afternoon was now waning, and they didn’t have much in the way of plans for the evening—their investigation would start the next day after they’d (hopefully) had a good night’s sleep, but Dean had already started taping things up to one of the walls, particularly after they’d asked around at the diner they’d gone to for lunch and discovered the poltergeist was at the freaking library. (And that would never get old. Job of the century.)

But since actually going to the library was slated for tomorrow, that left today wide open. Sam was using it to have a wander around town. Dean explored long enough to find a liquor store and somewhere to buy pie and Funyuns before returning to the motel room and holing up there to work on the Wall and drink. It was basically a rerun of Hazleton, just with a different monster.

That evening, not actually drunk but pleasantly tipsy after a couple (admittedly heavily poured) glasses of whiskey and several bottles of beer in a very short amount of time, Dean fell into bed around one o’clock in the morning, making the most of the semi-comfortable mattress and the scratchy motel linens, and passed out for the night. Sam went to bed shortly after that, after cleaning up all of Dean’s empties and depositing his glass in the sink.

At exactly four o’clock in the morning Dean woke up from a terrible nightmare of fire and brimstone and all the worst kind of tortures, absolutely panicking, eyes flying open wide and grabbing hard at the bedsheets, breathing heavy and hard, open mouthed, chest heaving. Instinctively, he scrambled out of bed, trailing the sheets after himself and fumbled for his gun, then crowded back into the nearest corner, knees pulled up to his chest and face down in them as he tried to catch his breath, to staunch the flow of adrenaline.

And then there was a body beside him, easing close ever-so-slowly and settling next to his side. An arm looped around his shoulders. The room remained silent, but slowly his breathing eased off and his grip on his gun loosened—though something in him refused to actually let the weapon go.

He knew it was Cas beside him, he could feel it, could tell even without lifting his head or opening his eyes to look, but he still remained quiet for a long, long time before finally whispering shakily, muffled into his knees and the sheet still tangled around his legs, “…thank you.”

The arm around him tightened, and Cas pressed a gentle kiss against his temple, then murmured; “do you want me to stay for a while?”

It was a complicated thing, because he was still trying very hard to avoid Cas like the plague. But right now, after what he had just dreamed, with the things that were currently flashing behind his closed eyelids, he didn’t want to be alone. And he couldn’t wake Sam. Sam would only ask questions that he wasn’t prepared to answer yet. Couldn’t. But if Cas had rescued him from Hell, then he had already seen—he knew, and he wasn’t asking any of the difficult questions, at least not now, anyway.

So finally, Dean nodded his head against his knees mutely.

Cas settled closer into his side at that and leaned his own head down so his forehead was pressing by Dean’s temple. “I’ll stay, then.” And then, just quietly, a promise; “but I’ll be gone by morning. I know you don’t want me here in the morning.”

Dean hesitated before nodding silently again. He was still, just taking slow, deep, shuddering breaths for the longest time, before he began to list sideways without even meaning to, leaning into Cas’s side without even lifting his head. Cas just adjusted to accommodate him without a word, and Dean more than appreciated that.

It took a long time, but eventually Dean shook his head slowly, hair mussing against his knees, and asked hoarsely, “don’t you even want to know what this is all about?”

“I can guess what it’s about.” Cas replied softly, “and I know you’re not ready to talk about it yet, so I’m not asking.”

Dean finally let one arm drop down and set his gun on the floor with the muted sound of metal on shitty motel carpet and lifted his head slowly, then turned to tuck himself closer into Cas’s side. Even with all the bullshit that was going on between them at the moment, Cas still felt safe. Cas still felt like comfort. Cas still felt like home. Even after everything…

It was easy to relax into the angel beside him once he allowed himself to do so. Slowly the images of fire and torture began to fade to the background again, where he had been shoving them ever since escaping Hell—ever since being pulled out, rescued, by the only person he’d ever loved with every part of his wretched, damaged soul. And now that same person was there, unbidden, just because Dean needed him, needed to lean into him and feel his warmth and allow his light to soak into himself, even if just a little bit, to chase away the darkness for even a short time.

And it was a short time, only two and a half brief hours before the sun began to crest the horizon. They were both quiet the entire time, just leaning into each other, Cas holding onto Dean securely—until Dean actually drifted off to sleep again, head lolling against Cas’s shoulder. Cas easily allowed for it, adjusting to lean his head sideways against Dean’s and closing his eyes, trying desperately to absorb all the negativity and fear that was radiating off him, to replace it with warmth and love.

Eventually Cas had to leave, though; he had promised, after all. And when the sun began peeking through the windows of the motel room, he lifted his head, glanced down at Dean with a sigh, then carefully slid out from beside him, leaving him leaning into the corner, still asleep. Cas followed that up by ducking in and dropping a kiss against Dean’s forehead before straightening, standing, regarding Dean almost sadly for a moment—and vanishing in the blink of an eye.

When Dean woke up again it was alone in the corner he had huddled up in some hours earlier, the sheet still tangled around his legs, and Cas gone. If he had ever even been there to begin with. If he hadn’t been some desperate fever dream.

Sam was also standing over him, staring down at him with an obviously baffled expression on his face. “So. ‘Morning.” He greeted, and made a vague sort of gesture to Dean in his corner and—“what’s with the… gun?”

Dean just grumbled something inarticulate and untangled himself from the sheet, climbing to his feet and picking the pistol up off the floor, then leaving the sheet behind and heading over to tuck the gun away in his duffle bag again. “What time is it?” He asked finally.

“Just after nine.” Sam replied, still just watching him with that same confused expression on his face. He bent to pick up the sheet and carried it over to toss it on Dean’s bed. When Dean sat down heavily on the edge of the mattress a second later, Sam regarded him with concern. “Dude, what happened?”

“Nightmare.” Dean grunted after a pause, one hand up and rubbing through his hair. He only vaguely remembered what had happened the night before, he thought Cas had been there, but… that was impossible, right?

“Must’ve been one hell of a nightmare.” Sam commented, then; “I’m going for breakfast, you want me to bring you something?”

Just the thought of food made Dean’s stomach roll. He quickly shook his head, hands grabbing hard at the edge of the mattress. “Coffee. All the coffee. Like ten cups of coffee.”

Sam nodded slowly. “You should get cleaned up while I’m gone. You look like crap.”

“No shit.” Dean replied sarcastically, head down and eyes on the carpet by his feet. “Just go, Sam, I can take care of myself.”

Sam wasn’t so sure about that, all things considered, but he still grabbed his wallet and headed for the door, pausing on the threshold as if he wanted to say something else before changing his mind and heading out into the Laramie sunshine, closing the door securely behind himself.

Once his brother was gone, Dean relaxed minutely, shoulders slumping and posture easing slightly. Green eyes closed over, and he frowned to himself, trying to focus in on memories from the night before—but all he could bring up were memories of freaking Hell, which was not what he was going for. He was sure—absolutely certain—that Cas had been with him last night, but his mind was foggy when it came to trying to remember that particular fact. If it was a fact as all.

Abruptly, eyes still closed, he felt the bed dip beside him. Dean’s eyes blinked open and he glanced sideways to look at Cas, who was sitting there, just looking at him quietly. Dean opened his mouth to speak, but failed and swallowed thickly before trying again; “you were there last night, weren’t you?”

Cas smiled softly. “Yes, I was there.”

Dean looked away quickly. “You shouldn’t have had to see that.”

But Cas just shook his head; “you needed me, so I came. And I was gone when the sun came up, because I promised I would be, but… you seem to need me, still. So, I’m here again. I’ll always be here, Dean.”

“Except when you weren’t.” Dean accused weakly, almost automatically, though his heart wasn’t really in it this time around. “I don’t remember much about last night. I don’t remember you being here, not really. I mostly remember the nightmares. But I also remember comfort and reassurance, and… who else could it be but you?”

“I couldn’t just leave you like you were. I had to try to help.” The angel told him quietly, then; “will you be alright, Dean?”

Dean didn’t answer that question, just giving a vague shrug as a response. “Are you going to be here every time I have a nightmare?”

“I would like to be, but I can’t promise anything.” Cas replied reluctantly.

“Of course not.” The elder Winchester gripped tighter at the edge of the mattress for a moment before letting go entirely. “Just go, Cas. I’m fine.”

“But—” Cas began.

“Go.” Dean insisted. “I’m fine.”

Cas hesitated for another long moment, then leaned over to kiss by Dean’s jaw gently before standing—and vanishing with the soft ruffle of feathers. Dean just looked at the space where Cas had been only seconds before, expression unreadable, unsure how he felt, entirely, about Cas actually leaving, despite the fact that he had told him to go… but it was definitely a little like he had lost something again, deep down inside.

Cursing under his breath, Dean just pushed himself to his feet—he had work to do.

-- --

By the time Sam got back from the diner with two (not ten) cups of coffee for Dean and one for himself, along with his own breakfast, his brother was up and organizing the Wall, still in his boxers and the t-shirt he’d slept in, hair an absolute disaster, but working away diligently nonetheless, taping up the articles and clippings they had managed to gather up until now.

A new city, a new Wall Of Weird.

It wasn’t much so far, really, just stuff that Bobby had sent them and things they had snipped from the paper the day before, or printed from Sam’s laptop, but it was something and it kept Dean busy, kept his mind off of the million abysmal things that were rolling through it at any given moment.

“Yo.” Sam kicked the door closed behind himself and headed over to set everything on the table in the middle of the room, careful not to disrupt the little piles of papers Dean had set up strategically over half the surface area. “Coffee, dude. Can I move some of this stuff so I can eat my breakfast?”

“No.” Dean deadpanned, even as he taped up another article and then held out one hand, making a grabby motion toward the coffee, without even turning away from the wall. “Coffee me.”

Sam sighed heavily and pulled one of the cups of coffee from the tray, heading over to shove it into Dean’s grasping hand. His brother just grunted out a sort-of thanks, already opening the cup lid and bringing it up to take a long drink of the—frankly scalding—liquid. Dean had always been able to tolerate his coffee as hot as the freaking sun and Sam honestly had no idea how.

“You still look like shit.” Sam commented, heading back over to the table and pushing some little stacks of papers out of the way despite Dean’s warning. He sat down and flipped open the take-out container, unwrapping a fork and starting in on his food: scrambled eggs, a side of bacon and a small mix of fruit salad. “You need to shower and get your hair under control.” He told Dean around a mouthful of food, “also freaking shave, you look like you just came out of a year in the wilderness.”

“It’s not that bad.” Dean complained, lifting one hand up to scratch at what was maybe for sure the beginnings of an actual beard. Yeah. Okay, so it was that bad. He definitely needed to take care of it. Even Cas had commented, a few days ago when… “Sam, did you move my papers?”

“They’re our papers and yes, I made space so I could eat.” Sam didn’t budge an inch. He could practically see Dean’s eyebrow tick, even with the other man’s back turned to him.

Dean just took another drink of his coffee, though, and rather than bitch he offered; “thanks. For the coffee.”

A blink from Sam, surprise that Dean wasn’t giving him shit. He poked at his eggs absently for a moment, watching Dean quietly before giving a shrug and going back to eating. “Seemed like you needed it this morning.” And then; “are you… feeling any better?”

Just a brief hesitation, and then Dean made a soft agreeing noise. Having Cas around had helped, even if just a bit. Finally, he turned away from the Wall and headed over to drop into a chair at the table alongside Sam, trying to block out the smell of Sam’s food the entire time. His stomach still didn’t feel particularly great. “You got three coffees?”

“Yeah, because you asked for all the coffee, remember?” Sam rolled his eyes and reached for his own coffee, opening it up and taking a hesitant sip. It was still predictably boiling hot, so he took the lid off and set it down, leaving it to cool. Then he went back to his breakfast, pausing long enough to ask, “I know you said no to food, but do you want a piece of bacon or something?”

Dean’s eyes flitted down to the container of eggs and bacon in front of Sam, and he had to swallow against the bile that rose in his throat. He brought his cup up to inhale the scent of his coffee instead. “No, I’m good. I’ll get something later.” Then, after a pause, “I’m gonna… go get cleaned up.”

Sam regarded him speculatively for a moment before nodding. “Good plan.”

Dean set his half-finished coffee on the table, went to dig his shaving kit out of his bag, then headed through to the bathroom. Once inside, with the door firmly closed between himself and Sam, he leaned back against it and closed his eyes, trying like hell to keep himself grounded despite the images that were still flashing through his head—were always flashing through his head, just worse that usual right now.

Cas, though… Cas had understood. Or at least it seemed that he had. But that was something to think about at another time.

For now, Dean just got to work getting himself shaved (finally) and scrubbed down (finally), getting his hair back into a semblance of order (finally) before he wandered back out into the main room with a towel hanging around his hips, to dig through his things for a set of clean clothes. Or at least clean-ish. They had probably been worn at least once before, but they would do the job. He would need to do laundry soon, though.

Once he was dressed again, he tossed his wet towel in the general direction of the bathroom and rejoined Sam at the table. The younger Winchester had long since finished his breakfast and was now sipping at his coffee as he shuffled through the papers on the table in complete disregard for Dean’s “filing system.”

“You look like a human being again.” Sam commented idly without looking up when Dean joined him.

Dean went right back to his own coffee. “As opposed to what?”

Sam glanced up and lifted his eyebrows. “A bigfoot?”

“Bigfoot isn’t real, and you know it.”

“Okay, an artist’s interpretation of a bigfoot, then.”

“Screw you.”

“Right back at you.”

-- --

The Albany County Public Library, located in Laramie, Wyoming, was a two-storey building (not counting the basement) and really quite quaint, all things considered. Nothing like the New York City library in Ghostbusters, which Dean was once again humming the theme song for, Goddamnit.

Sam supposed he should just be happy that Dean was getting some small joy out of the little things again, considering how everything hadn’t been going lately. But still, it was annoying as hell and if his brother didn’t cut it out, he was going to snap him in half like a twig. Like a twig. It was going to be a long job, if this bullshit kept up, which if he knew Dean, and he absolutely did, it would.

“So, what’d you think, Sammy?” Dean asked as they stood outside the extremely nondescript looking building, under the lobby overhang out front; “should we be worried about the twinkie yet?” And then a lopsided smile and he shook his head; “nah, I’m not worried about the twinkie yet.”

“I am begging you, please stop with the Ghostbusters references.” Sam told him, mostly flatly.

Dean took a moment to ponder that before just shaking his head—“nope!”—and heading forward to go into the library proper. Sam trailed along behind him with an overworked-and-underpaid kind of look on his face. It was nice that Dean had decided to be in a good mood today, despite how it had started out, but this was potentially going to get ridiculous, Sam could already tell.

The first snag they hit was that the library had metal detectors—Sam assumed they had tags in all their books and movies, and this dissuaded thievery, a lot of libraries had them nowadays—but they went off immediately when Dean tried to go through because he was carrying an EMF detector in his jacket pocket. Luckily, he wasn’t carrying any weapons (and neither was Sam, guns and knives were useless against poltergeists) and the EMF detector Dean had grabbed that day was the one that looked like a jacked-up Walkman, so they were able to easily pass it off as such.

The elderly woman manning the front desk let them in with little complaint, just told them to keep their music down and went back to whatever she had been working on. Sam thanked her politely while Dean continued on farther into the library, looking way too excited to be around so many books. He didn’t normally even like to set foot in a library, always leaving that part of the job up to Sam.

After a brief discussion they decided to split up, and Dean headed upstairs to start checking the place top-to-bottom for EMF while Sam actually sat down at one of the microfiche stations to do research because, well, it just made sense, right? If there was ever a place for it… plus, he could keep an eye out for anything weird on (most of) the main floor as he worked, and an ear out for Dean in case he shouted for him. It seemed like a win-win situation as far as Sam was concerned. Two birds with one stone.

Dean, meanwhile, had made his way upstairs and dug out his EMF detector, popped the earbuds for it into his ears, then began systematically walking the rows of shelves, scanning for EMF as he went. For the first few minutes everything was normal, just baseline static, but Dean wasn’t about to let his guard down just yet. Not until he had swept every single inch of the building, in fact.

So, he went up and down the aisles of the (mostly) empty library, garnering odd looks from the few people he did come across—he just flashed them a winning smile and kept on going—and generally getting nothing but the occasional, small, predictable spike in the EMF… until he got to the gardening section, where his EMF meter abruptly went nuts.

All Dean could think was: freaking gardening, really? But he didn’t say anything out loud, tempting as it was, and risk garnering any more attention than he already was. Instead, he scoured the gardening shelves up and down, and got more than his fair share of readings from it. Gardening.

And then something bounced off his head hard, making Dean yelp out a startled “damnit, shit!” and whirl around to see what was behind him. But there was nothing; only a book, laying on the floor by his feet, as if someone had thrown it at him—but there was no one else around. He frowned and crouched down to scan the book—"The Flower Gardener’s Bible”—with the EMF reader, and the readings were off the charts.

Dean hummed to himself and picked the book up, only to discover black goo oozing from between its pages. Ectoplasm. Gross. He made a face and dropped the book back on the floor, then wiped his hand on his jeans, right about the time a handful of other books began easing off the shelves around him.

Dean’s eyes flicked around, clocking all the books that were moving on their own, and straightened up, standing again and saying out loud, lowly, “I don’t want any trouble, here. I’m just taking some readings. No biggie.”

The spirit inhabiting the Albany County Public Library didn’t seem to agree with his assessment.

The next thing Dean knew books were flying at him from all directions, and not just softcovers either—some of them were heavy hardcover tombs. Dean scrambled away from the gardening section and out into the main room of the second floor, dashing around tables and desks with books zooming at him from every direction until he slammed into the library catalogue cabinets for that floor—only to have several of the drawers shoot open, spewing ectoplasm and index cards everywhere.

Dean nope’d right the hell out of there. He ran for the staircase, books chasing him the entire way, and dashed down to the main floor, hurrying over to Sam. Once he was standing next to his brother, he cleared his throat, and Sam looked up—then paused. Because Dean was next thing to coated in slime, his hair was sticking up everywhere, bruises were already starting to form on some places he could see and probably other places he couldn’t, a black eye fading into existence, and index cards were stuck to his clothes.

Dean looked back at him and deadpanned; “I’m officially afraid of the twinkie, now.”

[galahads-hart]

Saw this on @lemotmo blog and wanted to give it a go. Thank you for making this an open challenge! 

1-How many works do you have on ao3?

82 across multiple fandoms. 

2-What’s your total Ao3 word count?

Incredibly I’ve written 2,162,389 words (god knows how many I’ve written if I counted my old fanfiction dot net stories)

3-What fandoms do you write for?

The ones I have the most works for are…

Supernatural (Destiel, Sabriel, Moosley, Becky/Sam, Balthazar/Jo, Cas/Mick)

Teen Wolf (Sterek, Pydia and Chris/Peter)

Hawaii Five-0 (McDanno)

BBC Sherlock (Johnlock)

Kingsman (Hartwin)

Whitechapel (Jo/Emmerson)

Sons of Anarchy (Tig/Kozik)

Lewis (Lewis/Hathaway)

Torchwood/Doctor Who (Ten/Rose, Janto)

But I have written shorter fics for other fandoms: Cabin Pressure, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, You Me Her, Suits, Game of Thrones, Merlin, Neighbours

4-Top 5 fics by kudos?

Something More Than Human - Teen Wolf: Sterek [1,417]

Samhain: The Scent of Moonlight - Teen Wolf: Sterek [1,349]

What’s Best For Everyone, Isn’t What’s Easy - Teen Wolf: Sterek [807]

Oh, But That One Night - Hawaii Five-0: McDanno [800]

The Internship: Sterek Style - Teen Wolf: Sterek [760]

5-Do you respond to comments?

I try to. Even if it's just a thank you.

6-What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Honestly, I think it might be The Painter, which is kind of a dark gothic fic based on the Chris de Burgh song of the same name.

7-What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I can’t even begin to answer that as almost all my fics have happy endings, but I like the endings of 

Sherlock Holmes and the Mystery Ex [BBC Sherlock - Johnlock]

The Way Old Friends Do [Kingsman x Mamma Mia - Hartwin]

8-Do you get hate on your fics?

Uh... I get people complaining about my grammar and spelling, (not as much anymore thankfully) and I did have some write me angry about how I'd written Scott in a Teen Wolf fic,

9-Do you write smut?

Now I do. It took a while for me to get comfortable with it, but now…definitely. Though it is usually in the confines of a fluffy/angst fic

10-Craziest crossover?

I struggled to think of one at first, because my crossover aren’t that crazy, but then I remembered I wrote a fic while on holiday with my family that is…yeah, definitely the craziest one I’ve written. (and probably the worst too)

August: When You’re On The Beach You Steal The Show [BBC Sherlock x Butlins Skyline Gang. Johnlock]

11-Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge. 

12-Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes 

At His Side [Supernatural - Becky/Sam]  in Italian

13-Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No.

14-All time favorite ship?

I don't really have a single favourite ship, because each ship means something different to me. I mean, there's Garashir, who I was shipping before I even knew what shipping was. There's Destiel who introduced me to fandom and fanfiction. Johnlock had me exploring my sexuality and questioning what I thought I knew about myself. while simultaneously leaving me with show-runner trust issue. And Sterek is my comfort ship.

15-What’s a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

God, I have so many WIPs that will likely never get finished. But one that frustrates me is a Marvey fic I have been writing and rewriting since season 3 that I know deep down will never see the light of day.

16-What are your writing strengths?

Honestly, I have no idea. You'd have to ask my readers. Uh....people have complimented my characterisation, so I guess that's a strength, and I think my dialogue is alright.

17-What are your writing weaknesses?

That one is easy, grammar and spelling. I shave always struggled since school where I had to have special help, but I guess either I wasn't paying attention or it just didn't take, because a lot of the grammar rules just aren't in my head. So I tend to get comments complaining about my grammar. Which can be annoying because all they say is its bad but don't tell me how. If I got it wrong the first time, what makes you think I can fix it.

18-Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

Uh, I mean personally I'm fine with it - Unless its a whole paragraph of text. I just copy/paste it into google translate if need be. If its a fantasy language, then I'm screwed.

19-First fandom you wrote in?

Angel but it was on a floppy disk so is unlikely to ever see the light of day.

20-Favorite fic you’ve written?

I have two

You Belong to Me [Supernatural - Sabriel] Because I love to go back and read it.

The Way Old Friends Do [Kingsman x Mamma Mia- Hartwin] because I had so much fun writing it and really missed it when I was done.

Tagging: I'm not tagging anyone in particular. Anyone who sees this, feel free to do it for yourself. Tag me so that I can read it

[good-things-do-happen-dean]

GOOD VIBES FOR DEAN’S BIRTHDAY GOOD VIBES FOR DEAN’S BIRTHDAY GOOD VIBES FOR DEAN’S BIRTHDAY

[c-is-for-circinate]

For a long, large part of my life, being queer in a media landscape--finding queerness in a media landscape--has meant theft.

I'm a Fandom Old, somehow, these days, older than most and younger than some, in that way that's grown associated with grumpy crotchetyness and shotguns on porches and back in my day, we had to wade through our Yahoo Groups mailing lists uphill both ways, boring and irrelevant anecdotes from Back In Those Days when homophobia clearly worked differently than it does now, probably because we weren't trying hard enough. I've seen a lot of stories through the years. I've read a lot of fanfic. (More days than not, for the past twenty years. I've read a lot of fanfic.)

When people my age start groaning and sighing at conversations about representation and queerbaiting, when we roll our eyes and drag all the old war stories out again in the face of AO3 is terrible and Not Good Enough, so often what we say is: you Young Folks Today have no idea how hard, how scary, how limiting it was to be queer anywhere Back In Those Days. Including online, maybe especially online, including in a media landscape that hated us so much more than any one you've ever known. And that is true. Always and everywhere, again and again, it's true, we remember, it's true.

We don't talk so much about the joy of it.

Online fan spaces were my very first queer communities, ever. I was thirteen, I was fourteen, I was fifteen--I was a lonely, over-precocious "gifted kid" two years too young for my grade level in an all-girls' Catholic school in the suburbs--I lived in a world where gay people were a rumor and an insult and a news story about murder. I was straight, of course, obviously, because real people were straight and anyway I was weird enough already--I couldn't be two things strange, couldn't be gay too, but--well, I could read the stories. I could feel things about that. I would have those stories to help me, a few years later, when I knew I couldn't call myself straight any more.

And those stories were theft. There was never any doubt about that. We wrote disclaimers at the top of every fic, with the specter of Anne Rice's lawyers around every corner. We hid in back-corners of the internet, places you could only find through a link from a link from a link on somebody else's recs page, being grateful for the tiny single-fandom archives when you found them, grateful for the webrings where they existed. It was theft, all of it, the stories about characters we did not own, the videotaped episodes on your best friend's VHS player, one single episode pulled off of Limewire over the course of three days.

It was theft, we knew, to even try and find ourselves in these stories to begin with. How many fics did I read in those days about two men who'd always been straight, except for each other, in this one case, when love was stronger than sexual orientation? We stole our characters away from the heterosexual lives they were destined to have. We stole them away from writers and producers and TV networks who work overtime to shower them in Babes of the Week, to pretend that queerness was never even an option. This wasn't given to us. This wasn't meant for us. This wasn't ours to have, ever, ever in the first place. But we took it anyway.

And oh, my friends, it was glorious.

We took it. We stole. And again and again, for years and years and years, we turned that theft into an art. We looked for every opening, every crack in every sidewalk where a little sprout of queerness might grow, and we claimed it for our own and we grew whole gardens. We grew so sly and so skilled with it, learning to spot the hints of oh, this could be slashy in every new show and movie to come our way. Do you see how they left these character dynamics here, unattended on the table? How ripe they are for the pocketing. Here, I'll help you carry them. We'll make off with these so-called straight boys, and we only have to look back if somebody sets out another scene we want for our own.

We were thieves, all of us, and that was fine and that was fair, because to exist as queer in the world was theft to begin with. Stolen time, stolen moments--grand larceny of the institution of marriage, breaking and entering to rob my mother's hopes for grandchildren. Every shoplifted glance at the wrong person in the locker room (and it didn't matter if we never peeked, never dared, they called us out on it anyway). Every character in every fic whose queerness became a crime against this ex-wife, that new love interest. Every time we dared steal ourselves away from the good straight partners we didn't want to date.

And: we built ourselves a den, we thieves, wallpapered in stolen images and filled to the brim with all the words we'd written ourselves. We built ourselves a home, and we filled it with joy. Every vid and art and fic, every ship, every squee. Over and over, every straight boy protagonist who abandoned all womankind for just this one exception with his straight boy protagonist partner found gay orgasms and true love at the end.

Over and over, we said: this isn't ours, this isn't meant to be ours, you did not give this to us--but we are taking it anyway. We will burglarize you for building blocks and build ourselves a palace. These stories and this place in the world is not for us, but we exist, and you can't stop us. It's ours now, full of color and noise, a thousand peoples' ideas mosaic'ed together in celebration. We made this, and it will never be just yours again. You won't ever truly get it back, no matter how many lawyers you send, not completely. We keep what we steal.

.

Things shifted over time, of course. That's good. That's to be celebrated. Nobody should have to steal to survive. It should not be a crime, should not feel like a crime, to find yourself and your space in the world.

There were always content creators who could slip a little wink in when they laid out their wares, oh what's this over here, silly me leaving this unattended where anybody could grab it, of course there might be more over by the side door if you come around the alleyway (but if anybody asks, you didn't get this from ME). We all watched Xena marry Gabrielle, in body language and between the lines. We sat around and traded theories and rumors about whether the people writing Due South knew what they were doing when they sent their buddy cops off into the frozen north alone together at the end of the show, if they'd done it on purpose, if they knew. But over the years, slowly, thankfully, the winks became less sly.

A teenage boy put his hand on another teenage boy's hand and said, you move me, and they kissed on network TV, in a prime-time show, on FOX, and the world didn't burn down. Here and there, where they wanted to, where they could without getting caught by their bosses and managers, content creators stopped subtly nudging people around the back door and started saying, "Here. This is on offer here too, on purpose. You get to have this, too."

And of course, of course that came with a whole host of problems too. Slide around to the back door but you didn't get this from me turned into it's an item on our special menu, totally legit, you've just got to ask because the boss throws a fit if we put it out front. Shopkeepers and content creators started advertising on the sly, come buy your fix here!, hiding the fine print that says you still have to take what you've purchased home and rebuild it with your semi-legal IKEA hacks. Maybe they'll consider listing that Destiel or Sterek as a full-service menu item next year. Is that Crowley/Aziraphale the real thing or is it lite?

And those problems are real and the conversations are worth having, and it's absolutely fair to be frustrated that you can't find the ship you want on sale in anything like your color and size in a vast media landscape packed full of discount hetships and fast-fashion m/f. It's fair to be angry. It's fair to be frustrated. Queerbait is a word that exists for a reason.

There's a part of me that hurts, though, every time the topic comes up. It's a confusing, bad-mannered part of me, but it's still very real. And it's not because I'm fawning for crumbs, trying to be the Good, Non-Threatening Gay. It's not that I'm scared and traumatized by the thought of what might happen if we dare raise our voices and ask for attention. (Well. Not mostly. I'll always remember being quiet and scared and fifteen, but it's been a long two decades since then. I know how to ask for a hell of a lot more now.)

It's because I remember that cozy, plush-wallpapered den of joyful thieves. I remember you keep what you steal.

Every single time--every time--when a story I love sets a couple of characters out on a low, unguarded table, perfectly placed to be pilfered on the sly and taken home and smushed together like a couple of dolls, my very first thought is always, always joy. Always, that instinct says, yay! Says, this is ours now. As soon as I go home and crawl into that pillow-fort den, my instincts say, I will surely find people already at work combing through spoils and finding new ways to combine them, new ways to make them our own. I know there's fic for that. I've already seen fic for that, and I wasn't really interested last time, but the new store display's got my brain churning, and I can't wait to see what the crew back at the hideout does with this.

Every time, that's where my brain goes. And oh, when I realize the display's put out on purpose, that somebody snuck in a legitimate special menu item, when the proprietor gives me the nod and wink and says, you don't have to come around the side, I know it's not much but here--there is so much joy and relief and hope in me from that! Oh, what we can make with these beautiful building blocks. Oh what a story we can craft from the pieces. Oh, the things we can cobble together. Look at that, this one's a little skimpy on parts but we can supplement it, this one's got a whole outline we can fill in however we want. This one technically comes semi-preassembled, and that's boring as shit and a pain to take back apart, but that's fine, we'll manage. We're artists and thieves. I bet someone's pulling out the AU saw to cut it to pieces already.

And then I get back to our den, which has moved addresses a dozen times over the years and mostly hangs out on Tumblr now (and the roof leaks and the landlord's sketchy as fuck but at least they don't charge rent, and we've made worse places our own). And I show up, ready for joy--ready for a dozen other people who saw that low-hanging fruit on that unguarded table, who got the nod and wink about the special menu item, who're ready to get so excited about this newest haul. Did you see what we picked up? The theft was so easy, practically begging to be stolen. The last owner was an idiot with no idea what to do with it. The last owner knew exactly what it could become, bless their heart, under a craftsman with more time on their hands, so they looked away on purpose at just the right time to let me take it home. I show up every time ready for our space, the place that fed me on joy and self-confidence when I was fifteen and starving. The place that taught me, yes, we are thieves, because it is RIGHT to take what we need, and the beautiful things we create are their own justification. We are thieves, and that's wonderful, because nothing is handed to us and that means we get to build our own palaces. We get to keep everything we steal.

I go home, and even knowing the world is different, my instincts and heart are waiting for that. And I walk in the door, and I look at my dash, and I glance over at twitter, and--

And people are angry, again. Angry at the slim pickings from the hidden special menu. So, so tired and angry, at once again having to steal.

And they're right to be! Sometimes (often, maybe) I think they're angry at the wrong people--more angry with the shopkeeper who offers the bite-sized sampler platter of side characters or sneaks their queer content in on the special menu than the ones who don't include it at all. But it's not wrong to be mad that Disney's once again advertising their First Gay Character only to find out it's a tiny sprinkle of a one-line extra on an otherwise straight sundae. It's not wrong to be furious at the world because you've spent your whole life needing to be a thief to survive. It's far from wrong. I'm angry about it too.

But this was my den of thieves, my chop shop, my makerspace. Growing up in fandom, I learned to pick the locks on stories and crack the safes of subtext at the very same time I learned to create. They were the same thing, the same art. We are thieves, my heart says, we are thieves, and that's what makes us better than the people we steal from. We deconstruct every time we create. We build better things out of the pieces.

And people are angry that the pre-fab materials are too hard to find, the pickings too slim, the items on sale too limited? Yes, of course they are, of course they should be--but my heart. Oh, my heart. Every single time, just a little bit, it breaks.

Of course the stories are terrible (they have always been terrible). Of course they are, but we are thieves. We steal the best parts and cobble them back together and what we make is better than it was before. The craftsman's eye that cases a story for weak points, for blank spaces, for anywhere we can fit a crowbar and pry apart this casing--that's skill and art and joy. Of course we shouldn't have to, of course we shouldn't have to, but I still love it. I still want it, crave it. I still thrill every time I see it, a story with hairline cracks that we can work open with clever hands to let the queer in.

That used to be cause for celebration, around here. I ask him to go back to the ruins of Aeor with me, two men together alone on an expedition in the frozen north, it feels like a gift. And I understand why some people take it as an insult. I understand not good enough. I understand how something can feel like a few drops of water to someone dying of thirst, like a slap in the face. If it was so easy to sneak it hidden onto the special menu, to place it on the unguarded side table for someone else to run off to, why not let it sit out front and center in the first place? I know it's frustrating. It should be. We should fight. We should always fight. I know why.

But my heart, oh, my heart. My heart only knows what it's been taught. My heart sees, this thing right here, the proprietor left it there for you with a nod and a wink because they Get It. It's not put together yet, but it's better that way anyway. It's so full of pieces to pull apart and reassemble. I bet they've got a whole mosaic wall going up at home already. We can bring it home and make it OURS, more than it was ever theirs, forget half of what it came from and grow a new garden in what remains.

And I go home to find anger, and my heart breaks instead.

[charlie-minion]

Could the same SPN finale make a little more sense with some additions/changes?

I’ve had the idea for this post stuck in my head for days now, but with every new conspiracy theory and every new eventuality in the fandom, it became difficult to cool down enough to write something less ship-related and more narrative-focused.

What Supernatural and non-SPN fans have to understand is that a lot of us have expressed disappointment and frustration after 15x20, not because of Destiel (that’s just one part of the whole problem), but because the finale doesn’t make sense. Everything was leading up to something beautifully crafted until the end of 15x19. Beyond that, it’s hard to understand what happened. The story rendered all the character growth irrelevant, invalidated the themes of free will and “family don’t end in blood”, regressed to the original brother codependency they spent 15 years trying to overcome, made a queer non-binary character in a male vessel and a deaf female character basically disposable, and kept the show’s reputation of queerbaiting and misogyny until its very last breath.

That’s not going out with a bang! At least not a positive one. We all were ready to mourn Supernatural, but we wanted to feel proud of its legacy, and somehow TPTB managed to tarnish that legacy in less than 45 minutes. What a way to ruin the other more than 13,600 minutes of story!

It doesn’t matter who is to blame (The CW, Robert Singer, Andrew Dabb). It doesn’t matter why it happened (homophobia, censorship, marketing for Walker, bad writing). What matters is that at the end of the day, the finale that aired is what we got and that’s going to hurt for a long time. It hurts even more when we realize that the same finale could have easily made more sense, even without being perfect.

That’s what I want to do in this post. I want to show you how things would have been less jarring (for the fandom), while still keeping the goal to please the general audience.

Before I begin rewriting 15x20, I have to mention that I talked to my conservative boomer sister about the finale. She hasn’t watched the second half of season 15 yet (she’s waiting for Netflix to have it), but she’s been watching the show for a long time (she introduced me to it 8 years ago). She’s the perfect example of a viewer from the general audience. Loves the show but doesn’t give a second thought to it and definitely isn’t paying attention to character development or themes. Doesn’t engage with fandom, actors, or any of the show’s social media. Pure GA! When I told her the series finale had aired, she asked me about it and I refused to give her spoilers. Because of that, she told me the ending SHE wanted. She said she would be happy with either of two possibilities: the boys retiring and finally living a normal life OR they going to heaven and finding peace at last. She saw Sam and Dean as a unit, which means: both retiring or both going to heaven. AND she saw Cas as part of that, too. She wasn’t so sure about Jack. And for her, we could use the “Eileen who?” and it wouldn’t be a joke. She didn’t remember her.

NOW IT’S TIME TO WRITE A NEW VERSION OF 15X20 (KEEPING 15X18 AND 15X19 EXACTLY THE SAME AS THEY AIRED). This will be a very long post:

The opening remains almost the same. No “Carry on my wayward son” to induce feels. Too soon and too predictable! (Reasoning: Everyone was expecting it to play right there, so it would bring more tears at the end)

In the opening, after the scene where Jack says “People won’t need to pray to me or sacrifice to me”, we also see the scene from 15x19 where he says “I won’t be hands on”. Then we see the rest of the opening as it was. (Reasoning: People needed to be reminded that Jack would NOT intervene and that’s why later on, he would NOT save Dean).

We get the same montage, but when Sam takes a break from his morning run, we see him reading a message on his phone. A simple: “Hey Sam, what’s new?” from Eileen. Sam smiles fondly and begins to type a response we don’t get to see. The next scene continues the same, Sam making breakfast. (Reasoning: A text was a very simple way to show that Eileen was alive and still in communication with Sam).

The montage slowly ends as Sam enters the library (not after he sits down). He seems to be talking on the phone but we only hear an “I’ll tell him. Bye”. As he walks towards the table, he tells Dean: “Charlie says hi. Mentioned something about Stevie’s perfect scrambled eggs we have to try.” Dean’s answer is “Awesome!” (Reasoning: Just ONE line was needed to unbury Charlie and her girlfriend. ONE LINE).

Sam sits down, opens his laptop and everything continues the same. The title card shows for the last time.

YOU SEE? In the first 4 minutes they could have acknowledged that THREE WOMEN were alive and safe: Eileen, Charlie and Stevie. It wasn’t hard! Don’t blame bad writing on Covid! Now let’s continue.

Sam and Dean arrive at the Pie Fest just the same. Dean goes to get some “damn pie” and Sam takes out his phone. He dials and when someone picks up, he says “Hey, Jody, how are ya?” We don’t hear the rest of the conversation. The scene moves to Dean coming with his 6 portions of pie. Dean sits down and Sam tells him, “Talked to Jody. The other hunters haven’t had much work lately.” “That’s good, isn’t it?”, Dean says. All we get from Sam is “Yeah.” So, Dean looks at him and asks “what’s wrong?” like it happened in the episode. (Reasoning: Again, a couple of lines to make sure the people that were killed in 15x18 are safe and remembered by the boys in 15x20. Why is this important? Because they’re family!)

The conversation about Sam’s sad face happens the same. Sam is the one that mentions Cas and Jack. (Reasoning: Because this episode was so Sam-centered, it’s obvious he was the protagonist in the finale. If we see him communicating with Eileen, Charlie, and Jody, then it’s NORMAL, even expected of him to be the one to bring up Cas and Jack). Without these additions, it’s harder for people to understand that most of the finale was NOT from Dean’s POV but from Sam’s.

Dean’s “if we don’t keep living, then all that sacrifice is gonna be for nothing” stays the same. (Reasoning: I believe it’s necessary that the show sticks to the importance of “letting go” and “what is dead should stay dead” for the first time ever because the message is “even when you lose someone you love, you can still find some form of happiness and keep living, for you and for them, because that’s what they would have wanted”. Bringing someone back means “I can’t live without you”, and that’s just more codependency. It’s how the demon deals began in the Winchester family –Mary being the first one to do it. This would explain why Dean didn’t ask Jack to bring Cas back, as he asked Chuck. He understood Jack was NOT going to interfere anymore and accepted it. Besides, when Cas saved Dean from hell, Dean thought he didn’t deserve to be saved. This time that Cas saved him, Dean finally feels worthy enough to accept that YES, HE DESERVED TO BE SAVED ALL ALONG, just as much as he deserved to be loved by that angel of the Lord. In this scene, Dean also says that the pain is not gonna go away, which means that from HIS PERPECTIVE, it still hurts that Cas is not there. The problem is that the finale is not showing his POV but Sam’s.  

Sam pies Dean on the face just the same. (Reasoning: That part was just to avoid ending the scene on a sad note).

Everything related to the case happens exactly the same. (Reasoning: At this point, people don’t really care about the MoTW, they care about Sam and Dean).

NOTE 1: The case is important to show that even when the Winchesters are finally free of Chuck’s influence, they CHOOSE to keep hunting. It isn’t something they do out of revenge or because it is their destiny anymore. Maybe they were forced into the life at first, but they’ve learned to find joy in saving people. Being hunters is who they are. However, the fact that a job application was shown on Dean’s desk is also important because it means he was willing to explore what else was there for him besides hunting. Maybe he could find a balance? Maybe he was thinking it was time to quit? We will never know! The thing is that Sam only finds out about it when he goes into Dean’s room after his brother is dead, so maybe that’s when it hits him that Dean wanted to explore his options, and Sam starts to think it’s time for him to do the same.  

NOTE 2: I believe the masks the vampires are wearing is something we can blame on covid. If they had their faces covered, it was easier to use people from the SPN crew for some scenes, instead of using more actors unnecessarily.

NOTE 3: When Sam and Dean arrive at the barn, we get 3 visuals to remember Cas in the same scene (those are for the fandom, not for the general audience): a) the barn, obviously; b) the bag that resembles Cas’ trenchcoat so much that many people thought that’s what it was; and c) two feathers hanging on Dean’s right when he opens the trunk.

The scene with the throwing star happens the same. (Reasoning: The episode is still told from Sam’s point of view, so it makes sense that he fondly sees his brother as a man child).

Jenny the vampire? Uhhh… I mean, it’s not the best piece of writing I’ve ever seen, but it’s not the worst, so okay. That stays the same. (Reasoning: There is none, but she’s not what really ruined the finale, so whatever!)

Dean still dies impaled on a rebar. (Reasoning: OK. HERE ME OUT!!! I hate as much as everyone else that Dean is killed. I think it’s lazy writing, but that’s what we got and I can’t change that in this re-write, so if killing Dean is what we have to work around, then, memes aside, death by rebar is better and here’s why. There’s no one to blame for Dean’s death: no Chuck (the boys were willingly hunting even after Chuck was defeated), no vampires (they were all killed and were no real threat, so it was impossible for Sam to begin a quest for revenge against all vampires. What was Sam going to blame? A rebar? Can you kill it? Hunt it? NO. It was an ordinary death, a stupid accident. Just like any person can die at any moment by slipping on a banana peel. Is it a good death? No, but it’s good to know he doesn’t die trying to save Sam or Cas, because Dean Winchester is NOT willing to give up his life in exchange for anyone else’s anymore.

Sam takes out his phone and says he’ll call for help, but his phone is more visible to the audience. He dials and it’s almost to his ear when Dean stops him and Sam hesitantly hangs up. (Reasoning: People have complained that Sam didn’t call an ambulance, but actually he tried to. It’s just that people missed that part, maybe?)

After Sam puts his phone back in his pocket and says “OK” to Dean, he adds, “I’ll pray to Jack”. Dean’s immediate answer is: “No hands on, remember?” “But Dean”, Sam says, and Dean interrupts him with “OK listen to me” and tells Sam what to do with the kids they rescued. (Reasoning: Jack is God now and how come Sam didn’t remember? The viewers remembered, so it was necessary to include a line that ruled the option out and that showed Dean didn’t want Jack to intervene. The rest was fine).

The lines “You knew it was always gonna end like this for me. It was supposed to end like this, right?” disappear completely from Dean’s monologue. (Reasoning: This is the most problematic part of Dean’s dying speech. He fought God and earned free will, he is no longer controlled by fate or destiny. Accepting that he is supposed to die on a hunt regresses his character development and denies his desire to keep living. This was a total mistake and should be removed).

Instead, if going to heaven is the ending TPTB wanted to give Dean, at least he should say something more empowering. Sam tells him that both of them are going to take the kids somewhere safe. Dean answers and the scene follows like this: “No. Sammy, we made our choice, didn’t we?”, he smiles with difficulty. “We were free to write our own story and we did. We decided to keep saving people, hunting things. Because it’s what we love despite the risks.” (Reasoning: If Dean’s going to die it doesn’t have to feel like it was always meant to be that way. He should die knowing that he exerted his free will until his last breath).

The rest of the dialogue between Sam and Dean happens almost the same. Except that instead of Dean saying “‘cause when it all came down to it, it was always you and me. It’s always been you and me”, he says “’cause when it all came down to it, we’ve always had each other’s backs. Always.” And instead of Sam saying “Don’t leave me”, he says “I still can try to save you.” (Reasoning: It sounds way less codependent without diminishing the importance of their love and support for each other).

Besides, let’s change Dean’s “I’m not leaving you” for “You don’t have to be alone. You’ve still got family.” The rest stays the same word by word. (Reasoning: Dean reminds Sam that “family don’t end in blood” and there are still lots of people out there who love Sam and will be with him).

“I love you so much, my baby brother” stays exactly the same. (Reasoning: Dean always had trouble to express the big L word. I always believed and said many times that before Dean could say “I love you” to Cas or any other character, he had to say it to Sam. So, this is important as part of Dean speaking his truth).

The last part when Dean insists Sam tell him that it’s okay stays the same. (Reasoning: It’s the final moment when the codependency cycle breaks. No more running in circles).

The forehead touch between them stays the same. (Reasoning: I think I would do something similar if my sister were dying. I know there are w*ncest shippers out there, but it shouldn’t matter because the moment feels appropriate for that kind of goodbye). 

See? There are changes but not too many. That’s why I’ve been saying that it was easier to get it right, yet they still managed to screw it up.

The second montage stays the same. (Reasoning: Life goes on, but of course Sam has to mourn).

The call about a case in Austin remains the same. (Reasoning: It’s the only part of the episode where someone from the found family is mentioned, so I think that Donna’s name is perfect in that moment. However, without the other additions I’ve made in this re-write, that off-hand mention feels too little. Its purpose was to tell the viewers that if Donna was alive, so were the others, but the way the episode was executed gave us an isolated Sam, incapable of having friends and a family without Dean).  

After 30 minutes of Sam’s POV, let’s finally see the last bit of Dean’s POV that we’ll ever get.

Dean arrives in Heaven and Bobby receives him. All their conversation stays almost the same, except that after mentioning Rufus and before saying “and your mom and dad…”, Bobby adds an “Ellen and Jo let me borrow their place”. (Reasoning: If you’re gonna put the man outside the Harvelle’s place, at least mention them for Jack’s sake!).

Besides, after Bobby tells Dean that Sam will be along and that time in heaven is different, Dean gives a small smile and says, “Well, there’s no rush. I want him to have a long, happy life.” Bobby answers with: “I would expect nothing less from you, boy” and tells him he got everything he could ever want, etc., just like it happened in the episode, and finishes by asking “What are you gonna do now, Dean?” (Reasoning: It’s important we know for sure that Dean is NOT codependent anymore and that he doesn’t expect to have a miserable afterlife just because his brother is not there yet).

Instead of saying “I think I’ll go for a drive” Dean says, “I think I know what I want” and walks towards baby. Bobby still tells him to have fun. (Reasoning: “Know what I want” is ambiguous enough to help us introduce the last piece of the puzzle, the one thing Dean’s wanted for many seasons and has never been able to express).

 The biggest change is coming:

Dean gets on the Impala and has a moment of silence while he contemplates the wheel. He begins to pray: “Hey, Cas, you got your ears on? I hear you’ve been busy working on this updated Heaven with Jack. You were right about him, Cas. You had faith in him and he saved us all. You could always see the best in everyone, even when they couldn’t see it themselves. Even when I couldn’t see it myself. There’s so much I want to tell you. Maybe you can visit sometime. I hope prayer’s still a thing up here.” (Reasoning: Dean’s side of the confession was unaddressed and that was terrible writing. If there was no way to get him to speak his truth textually, at least take him as close to it as possible).

We listen to a flutter of wings and a “Hello, Dean” from the back seat. We don’t see Cas, but the camera shows us Dean’s cocky smile and he says “Took you long enough.” He turns around slowly. End of scene. (Reasoning: The flutter of wings confirms that angels have their wings back and ties that loose end. The final “hello, Dean” was highly anticipated and it made sense. If Misha couldn’t be there to film, for whatever reason, or if the problem was the kind of conversation Dean and Cas would have, then don’t show it, but leave the door open. Let us know that the two characters were reunited and will talk, but whatever Dean has to say is so private that it’s not for us to hear, only for Cas.  

We finally hear “Carry on my wayward son” and get a montage that begins with Sam playing with his kid. Then we see Dean driving, super happy, and Sam living his life to the fullest. We still get Sam’s Blurry Wife, BUT… we see pictures of Eileen in the living room (not just of John, Mary, Sam, and Dean). We also see photos of Jody, Donna, Charlie, and AU!Bobby. (Reasoning: FAMILY DON’T END IN BLOOD).

The scene where Sam is wearing the party wig and looks miserable inside the Impala is cut and nobody talks about it ever again because it never existed. We get a scene of Sam teaching his son how to fix the car instead. (Reasoning: First of all, don’t give Sam a life where years later he’s still in pain. Second of all, the fucking wig was a crime).

Sam’s dying scene stays the same. The only thing is that his son signs a couple of phrases to him before actually speaking. (Reasoning: More confirmation that Dean Jr. is Eileen’s son).

We hear the final “Evanescence-like Carry on my wayward son”. Again we see the photos and there’s family other than the Winchesters there. (Reasoning: Obvious at this point).

The rest is exactly the same. The show began with two brothers and it’s okay if the last scene is with the two brothers reunited in Heaven. At this point, the other parts of the story are acceptable enough for us to feel happy that they get to see each other again after years of a happy (after)life.

Now look me in the eye and tell me this was too hard to execute. I still think that bad writing is a thing we can’t deny here, adding to the possible meddling of the Network. Maybe Dabb wanted us to hate the finale because he couldn’t get away with what he truly wanted. If that was his intention, then kudos to him. He and The CW really gave us a finale that only 30% of the fandom liked.

I hope you guys have enjoyed this and it helps to give you some peace of mind. In my heart, this was the finale we got. It wasn’t perfect, but it didn’t drop the ball either.

[cooloddball]

Someone submitted something in my inbox and they wanted to remain anonymous. Since this is an extremely long essay, I will put it under the cut. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

xxx submitted: hey, i was the one who ask what do you think of Misha and Jensen's current relationship First off all thank you for your answear it means much to me cause im easy to be convice and this person who keep telling me that they are no longer friends can be so convicing, so I'm actully trying to forget what she said 😅 so I'm just writing a few. she said that since they no longer work together, they will forget about each other, and do their common things like the gay jokes, face touches ect. With other people, and neglect each other, don't talk to each other, and then meet new people who will replace the other. And and she talked about the gish thing, she said she sure they didn't talk since the end of the series, because Jensen didn't know where Misha was and Misha didn't know about the Radio Company vol 2 (but i saw people say that, they were just pretending, because Misha liked something about Radio Company Vol 2, before the gish live, so in theory he already knew then or something like that) and She said Misha wrote a poem about Darius not Jensen and now I will write down what she sent me : I saw a post about Jensen's current activities on social media, and I've come to the conclusion the only person he doesn't interact with is mish. Sadly this makes my break up theory even stronger. I feel like this is a goodbye to one of the biggest parts of my life. They've moved on from "uk what I haven't told you today? That i love u"+ from "miss my only jensen" from "i love u misha i mean it from the bottom of my heart" from "jensen has no flaws" from "misha is the funniest thing ever happened to me" from all that love and affection from everything they developed together and now they're apart leaving their lives like nothing happened and call me a dramatic but they both have the same energy now as someone has after a big break up. and Jensen comments on almost every of his friend’s post except Misha’s"+ Jenmish is genuinely the best thing that has ever happened in my entire life. I owe them literally everything. They're the reason i hold on. Unfortunately on this essay i have to start using past tense verbs for them, and i have to continue on that. I don't know for how long y'all been in spn fandom. But even if u joined one year before the show ended you'd know how close and intimate jensen and misha were. Everything about them was unmatched.+ The chemistry and how they just fit eachother. They had always been all over eachother. Like they were holding on eachother for dear life. They completed eachother and were like world's most powerful thing. They were the definition of soulmatism. No matter where, they ALWAYS kept interacting with eachother. Each possible tweet or insta post. On cons that the other wasn't there, the other one would bring up the othere's name for no absolute reason. +The looks and repeated love confessions. How invested they were both into eachother. The family they had built together cuz we know how close dee and mish are (look all the charity work they've been doing together recently). There are youtube videos to proof everything I've said so far.When i say break up, my real intention is that they've grown apart. Everything started in the the third or forth month of pandemic. Before than jensen used to interact +(comment mostly) on almost all of misha's posts. But after a while everything just stopped. At first personally didn't care that much. Bcuz I believed too much in them that I thought not even the gods above could separate them. I told myself maybe they spend long hours chatting or video calling and that's why online public interactions are gone. But as it passed it almost diminished to zero. Except some likes from jackles and eventual ones from misha there weren't anything else.+ We got absolutely no content and the show went off too. We were helpless and were sticking to everything we had Dee had a big social media shot down, so as jensen. Misha was busy with the election. We got some interviews for it with all of them. But we didn't get much.except remember both of them pulling a bff

move. and texted eachother during an online con where everyone else were dead-serious about politics? That flickered something in me. That showed me that+ they can't ever possibly let eachother go. And the times everyone else were talking and these too would just talk random things together (the one jackels had a white hat on with stacy abraham).And then Misha posted that for jensen's bday We really overlooked it. That shit was too intimate. To close. Fav march baby? U just don't go around and called ur bestie baby and when u mean it deeply. Especially not when ur friend is jensen ackles the "I suffered form internalized homophobia my whole life+ but fuck my wife's an angel and i have an angel bf too and another angel which is his wife but I'd rather die than come out cuz my asshole dad pulled a John winchester on me". It doesn't work like that. But uk how mish is. Carefree and open. I believe they got into a fight bcuz of this. He didn't even like the post. AND that was when the tiny bit of interactions we had was gone too. For a while jensen didn't even liked his posts. After a month it started again.What made me finally believe in that they had grown too+ far: I still remember the night misha posted that he and jensen were going to have a con for gish together. I remember how hard I cried. Lile the whole world was given to me. But deep down in my heart I knew that something would definitely happen. It didn't sit right with me and unfortunately my senses never lie to me. Jensen showed up at the wrong time bcuz of misunderstanding the time zones (this was HILARIOUS). That's not even my point.+ I've seen that interview 3 times so far. It always reminds me of when i saw my ex at a party and we were both so thrilled to see eachother and we still loved the other dearly, but we just couldn't work it out. Jensen and Misha's expressions were EXACTLY the same. The genuine smiles and longs pauses were they just stared at eachother. I'm so happy that it was online cuz if they actually gave that looks to eachother standing right next to the other one I would've collapsed. Misha didn't know that jensen's album+ was out. And he got so embarrassed when he found it out. He didn't know that jensen was on set and hadn't been home for 8weeks. Jensen had no idea where misha was. And this means that they hadn't talked in a long long time.When you're that close with someone for more than a decade, i mean THAT close, even if u're separated from eachother you'd at least check on the once a week, or at least once in two weeks. But it was vividly clear that they hadn't. I hate how this world works. They would always be in my heart.+ I would be thankful from them for everything. It hurts, and it won't stop and im so sure I'd be carrying this pain for a long time. They mean too much to a lot of us. Sometimes I think to myself that god i love them so much. Remember in 2019 when we used to get SO many jenmishdee interactions? That was LIT. It was THEE year for us. I hope they're doing good. I really do. I hope we don't get more proofs and I won't have to update this thread. Cuz my heart won't be taking it very+ well.Something i gotta add U may say that Jensen's busy and that's why he doesn't comment. But he comments on a lot of jared and his new costar's posts. So that's no excuse. So yeah that's it. I don't know what am I supposed to think. english isn't my native language, so sorry for the mistakes

Here is my response:

I don't know who this person who has been talking to is but I have to say they seem to be project their previous relationship experience on cockles.

I believe Jensen and Misha are okay and are together. Social media likes and comments don't mean anything. I mean it's not like Jensen or Misha used to comment on each other's posts before. Jensen didn't even wish Dee Happy Mother's Day this year, does that mean they are not together anymore? Nope. He has other best friends he has known for over 20 years like Jason Manns, Steve Carlson etc that he doesn't wish happy birthday, does that mean they are not friends anymore.

Please let's not put value on social media likes. I don't even follow my own family on sm and I don't always like or comment on my bf's or bff's posts on sm. So it doesn't mean anything.

As for the Gish Panel, I have talked about it before, the time Jensen was slotted to attend the panel, he was meant to answer fan questions. I honestly believe they decided to not do it at that time because they knew the questions would be about Destiel and not their new projects. If you watched that panel, Misha knew that Jensen's album was out as I pointed out. He was just trying to promote the album and soldier boy. He knew Jensen had also buffed out. It was all to promote Jensen. Anything else you hear is trolls and antis just being loud. Also don't forget Jensen called him "babe".

If Jensen and Misha weren't okay, he wouldn't have attended or participated all those panels Misha organized especially for Gish. Danneel also posts a lot about RA and likes Misha's posts. I am 100% Misha visited the Ackles when he went to Colorado last month.

Stop listening to trolls and/or antis or just people who are projecting and look at facts.

[ficforthought]

On being SO DONE with M*sha, a rant a decade in the making!

After giving this some thought I'm going to go ahead and give my opinion on Misha and yesterday’s situation in public for the first time ever. I was going to just post on Twitter but since this has been 12 years in the making I have exceeded the number of tweets I can put in one thread! There’s A LOT in here, so my summary is also long. I'm aware that I will lose followers over this, I'm not looking to offend anyone but it will inevitably happen. I wish anyone leaving all the best as fellow human beings.

TL;DR - having kept quiet for so long I’ve finally reached my limit and it’s all come bubbling out. I’ve never been a fan of Misha, I’ve been ambivalent for the most part, but have never criticised him in any hateful way, that's not who I am, but after all these years of putting up with his bullshit, attention seeking and troublemaking I am DONE. Deleting his tweet containing the word Wincest and replacing it with an APOLOGY just to pander to his Minions and save face is the straw that broke the camel's back. He has consistently pushed his ship on not only fans but on other actors (despite Jensen's discomfort, and him having repeatedly made his feelings known on it), he has stood by while his Minions/Hellers have harassed, victimised, doxxed and sent death threats to people based on their FICTIONAL ships. He has pandered to their gatekeeping, constantly demanded attention in obvious and not so obvious ways, and to the best of my knowledge never criticised their actions even though he's aware of it in a very real way. Some of his Minions have now taken their shit into The Boys fandom and created negativity for Jensen before the guy has even got a foot through the set door, and how is that supporting one half of your ship?

Misha has claimed to be a victim of targeted harassment from Wincest/brother fans (not only shippers) yet his fans have said and done the most despicable things on his watch, all in the name of what he must think is entertainment, or even his idea of a ‘joke’.

Any respect I had for the man based on his humanitarian work has gone because I can only take so much hypocrisy. He and his pandering because of a desperate attempt to be woke and wholly inclusive (which is actually impossible, no matter how good intentions are) are beyond pathetic. Whilst I have never seen why people think he’s so great I have friends IRL and online who genuinely adore the man, yet they have been shocked and upset by his contempt for half of the fandom that made him somewhat famous. It's disgusting and I'm not scrolling by any more. Misha, I hope to never see you on anything J2 related in future because none of us need that kind of negativity, *especially* not J2. Be gone, foul fiend!

OK, so to the too long part. Please be aware that these are my opinions as a fan of the show, of Sam and Dean, and J2, not only as a shipper. I can separate canon and fanon, and can view canon from a gen or shippy PoV. Whether you agree or disagree with my opinion let me be clear that I do not condone constant bashing and hate of a person or character so this isn’t the start of a regular thing for me. It's possible to have an opinion and not show the same vitriol that has been following this man around for years, and that’s what I’m doing. I've not posted this to prompt more negativity, it's simply to get it off my chest and make it clear how I feel. I stand by my philosophy of ship who you want to ship, enjoy it, but don't force it on other people and don't be a dick about it…hmm, that kinda sounds like familiar behaviour, though, does it not?!

I have ABSOLUTELY NO ISSUE with other people liking Misha, Cas or Destiel when it’s for the love of the characters and the ship. What I *do* have an issue with is people who are the true definition of a Heller. I don’t see that as a generic term, don't be ignorant and think I do because I know the difference between actual ship fans and the crazies, both ships have ‘em and I want no part of either of their venom. If you are reading this and class yourself as a Heller then you are part of the problem so run along and as you are all so fond of saying, 'get help' and take your bestie king with you.

I’m stating my opinion in what I feel is the most mature way I can, because unlike many people on SM, I am an adult and can act accordingly, with forethought and without resorting to temper tantrums and bullying of other people to get my point across. I am able to tell the difference between reality and fiction, I don't tar everyone with the same shipper brush and I don't expect everyone to agree with my opinion, but as we know opinions are like arseholes, we all have them and sometimes they stink. Unlike some, for the most part in life (online and offline) I *do* stand by what I say and don’t backtrack or delete things to appease the masses. I have spent a lot of time writing this out to be as clear as possible without being intentionally hateful. Bear with me jumping between actor and character where relevant, at this point they're conjoined. I will say this before I go any further, it doesn’t end well for Misha, I don’t mince my words and if you don’t like seeing facts and opinions laid out, this isn't the post for you.

I’ll say right off the bat what most of you have surmised - I’ve never held Misha (or Cas) in high esteem but I have never *hated* on him. I have shared mild criticism of his actions and opinions on Cas over the years but never, I feel, in any way that has made me feel I have something to apologise for. I have said several times I've been unhappy about Misha crashing con panels, taking attention away from J2 when at those cons *most* people paid their hard earned money to see the STARS of the show they love, first and foremost, and anyone else is a very nice bonus. The odd appearance here and there crashing a panel is fine (and Misha isn’t the first or last person to do it), maybe take up a few minutes then leave, but when someone commandeers an entire panel, that's just not on. It's not only selfish, rude and attention seeking but also disrespectful to other actors, fans and to the organisers who work hard to make sure everything ties in to give us the best con experience we can have. Everyone gets their turn on stage, there's no need to try and hog any more of the limelight, Veruca Salt style. Oh, and if you’re reading this and not getting that reference, (a) you shouldn’t be on my blog because you’re far too young, (b) look it up, and if you still don’t get what I’m saying… well then please refer to point (a). Thank you, kindly!

There was a time in Kripke's era where Cas was - I feel - intentionally used as a pawn by the writers to divert *canon* from the ‘questionable’ relationship between Sam and Dean, i.e. Wincest focus. Prior to that people (other fans) lightened up and just accepted the fact that Wincest had been there since day one in terms of the writing of the show and the fandom. All the cast and crew knew - J2, Kripke and JDM in particular - and made light of it, never judging, never shaming and often encouraging it because they understand it’s a fun part of fandom. Wincest was present enough to be part of the not so subtle subtext, as I said people just accepted it. Kink tomato was alive and well, so was ‘don’t like, don’t read’ and we all just scrolled over things we didn’t like without turning everything into a personal vendetta and excuse for bullying others who didn’t share our views. When the angels came into the plot I think most of us Wincest fans gave the Dean/Cas innuendos the small laugh they deserved and then turned back to the focus of the show which was the brothers, as it had always been intended. Misha, however, milked those moments as much as possible which was amusing at the start but got old *very* quickly, not just for fans (shippers and non shippers alike), but for other actors, in particular Jensen who is on record MULTIPLE times showing his dislike for Destiel. He told people outright that's not how he was playing the relationship between the two characters and CATEGORICALLY said "Destiel doesn't exist" but did it end there? No, it did not because neither fans or Misha let it go, in fact Misha only pushed more, goaded fans into flogging the same dead horse as much as possible. He’s never stopped, not even when there was so much discord in the fandom, a huge wedge was driven into it because of ships, which IMO he heavily contributed to.

Fast forward to over a decade later (a decade, seriously man, let it fucking go!) he didn’t even stop when Destiel did partially go canon. I have never doubted that Cas loved Dean (Sam, too) because in SPN lore angels are made to love, even rebellious ones. I, along with many others, liked that about Cas because who doesn't love a rebel, especially one rebelling for very good reasons, and because of those two wonderful men? Sam and Dean allowed him to see beyond what he'd been brainwashed to believe his entire existence. The fact is that although the nature of that love changed for Cas, it never did for Dean and was CANONICALLY UNREQUITED because Dean was incapable of loving anyone else as much as he loved Sam. All that mattered to Dean, even when he saw other characters as "family" was still Sam…ALWAYS Sam, every step of the way. Again for those who have too much Misha shaped wax in their ears, that’s canon. Whether people choose to see that love platonically or romantically is up to them, soulmates don't always have to be romantic, either way, brotherly love won out above all else on the show. No amount of Misha screaming ‘hey look, Destiel!’ changed that, but it sure didn’t stop him trying, did it?

So now that the obvious has been stated, here's something else we all know - never once in all of the years on the show did Misha drop rallying of the troops to his precious, ego stroking ship. Never once (that I am aware of) has he called out his Minions and Hellers on their continued harassment of everyone involved in the show and other fans despite the fact that they have bullied, victimised and wished bodily harm, rape and death on people who don't see their ship and because didn't get the ending to the story that they wanted. Not once has Misha shown any remorse for the trauma his "fans" have caused, and I’m taking REAL trauma, here, not the kind Twitter stans see as ‘triggering’ - people have been driven to close SM accounts, attempted, and in some cases succeeded in taking their own lives. These Minions have openly mocked Jared’s struggles with depression and anxiety, and Misha - who claims to be friends with J2 and be supportive of them in every way  - has stood by and let it all play out, knowing full well some of the goings on, if not the full extent of how toxic these people are. We know he sees things being said online, and I have absolutely no doubt he spends time online searching his name for things that are relevant in some way to him in an effort to insert himself into a current conversation, or even start one so that attention is on him. Gotta stay relevant, somehow, right, Mish?

He has actively encouraged bullying by his actions of enabling the behaviours above, both by the flogging of the aforementioned dead horse, AND by not objecting to unacceptable behaviours. Remember when Minions and Hellers were slating J2, particularly Jared, for not posting on SM about BLM and other topics? Yeah, he didn’t ask them to stop doing that, either, even when he was tagged in things along the lines of ‘If Misha can post why can’t J2?’ etc. There have been some token protests, con vids I've seen have show his 'objections' which IMO have been done in a very tongue in cheek way, meaning that those people who needed to be pulled aside and told to change their ways just carried on, because their evil overlord didn’t explicitly explain it in terms a three year old could understand that bullying and forcing your opinion on others is WRONG. Not all of his cult are young and impressionable, not by a long shot, but many of the more vocal and vitriolic ones are.

As a father himself I wonder what Misha would do if he found out that his kids were behaving in ways his Minions are? I’m aware they’re young, but kids are cruel and bullying doesn’t just happen online. Even at whatever age they are, would he laugh it off the way he appears to have done with all of this fandom toxicity? Not bloody likely! I wonder if he’s as desperate to gain the approval of his family, friends and colleagues as he appears to be for that of his Minions/Hellers? I would certainly hope so, but that question can only be answered by Misha, himself, and I can and will not presume to speak on someone else's behalf on things in their personal life. For the record I would never presume I know what J2's answers would be on anything, however I do feel that after 15 years I have an accurate gauge on what kind of people they are so would be confident that any opinion I had on a matter aligns with their morals and ethics. As much as J2 have shared of themselves with us - willingly and under no pressure to do so, I might add - we don't *know* them, but we know enough to have an informed opinion. I can’t say the same for Misha because based on the behaviour he’s repeatedly displayed, things I've heard about from other fans as well as people I know IRL who have had direct dealings with him through cons or GISH (including some very actively in the early days when it was GISHWHES) he just hasn’t seemed like a person I wanted to follow on SM. I’ve never watched any of his solo panels, though I have watched ones with both or one of the J's, mostly being left irritated because of his behaviour. Watching the J’s put up with that shit is painful, and it’s a testament to how good they are as actors that they managed to hide at least some of their disdain for as long as they did. Microexpressions give them away, particularly Jensen, and they certainly have faces I have spent many years watching closely. Beautiful faces to go with beautiful souls, both of them! <3

I have precisely ZERO interest in Destiel as a ship, very little interest in Cas as a character anymore (though I did like him in the early days,and his relationship with Jack in late seasons) so I have absolutely no reason or desire to follow anything Misha does. That said, I've obviously been peripherally aware of some things he's been involved in because of friends, from things I’ve seen on SM and general fandom stuff. Despite the things I've already mentioned about his behaviour, up until now I have been able to maintain a level of respect for him as a person because of the humanitarian and charity work he's done. He seems like someone who really does want to change the world for the better and I am in full support of that fact, so much so that I have supported TWO campaigns relating to him. I bought one of the Super Good t-shirts for the campaign he did with Michael Sheen (a true angel!), the SPN/Good Omens x-over to help homeless charities, and I chose the design with text only and not artwork of Michael and Misha on, basically because I didn’t want to be wearing something with Misha’s face on it and I make absolutely no apology for that, whatsoever. I also bought Alex's #TheEndHasNoEnd shirt, which some of the profits went to Random Acts who do great work, so again, despite not liking Misha I still willingly contributed for a cause bigger than me, and to support Alex, who I absolutely ADORE. I'm aware that Stands aren't popular with some of the fandom, however since most of the cast of SPN are happily affiliated with them then I don't feel it's my place to either judge, or to discuss topics I know next to nothing about. But I digress, as a decent human being I have shown support tangentially to a man who I don't care for out of respect for the work he does outside the fandom. Telling you this isn’t to paint myself in a good light - I don’t need your approval, I’m a big girl, unlike some I don’t need constant validation! - only to provide background on how I’ve actively *not* hated on Misha.

Now though, any respect I had for him has come to an abrupt end, the events of the past 24 hours has seen to that. Whilst I have been annoyed at his behaviour in regards to shipping, I don't feel it's ever gone this far, or at least not that I've seen first hand. This man has, IMO, contributed to so much toxicity in the fandom by way of things I've mentioned before, he's claimed - without actually saying the words - that Wincest fans weren't interested in him as a character when he came onto the show, and hasn’t felt included because of the fans’ love of the brothers. Um, hate to break it to you, love, but when you come onto an established show that is about two people, and you’re a *guest star* you can’t expect everyone to love you. Some characters we as individuals do fall in love with straight away (Bobby, Charlie, Crowley and Rowena are good examples for me), it takes time to establish a dynamic, so if that’s how he felt then it was incredibly naive of him as an actor to expect instant acceptance from anyone. Also, why wait until after the show finished to bring it up AGAIN … oh wait, yeah, that would be to step back into the limelight in a way intended to garner sympathy from Minions and INTENTIONALLY piss off bro fans and Wincest shippers alike? How fucking self centred, desperate and disrespectful do you have to be to shit all over the finale of a show that for the most part accepted you and kept you in paid work for 12 years? Well, Misha Collins levels of all of those things, obviously.  

So, on the topics of self centred, desperate to stay relevant, attention seeking and being oh so needy, the tweet yesterday from Amazon mentioned Castiel. He wasn’t tagged in it, so I refer to my earlier comment about searching online, because how else would he have possibly seen that? It’s possible someone sent it to him, I appreciate that, but if we go off past behaviour it’s not any stretch at all to believe that didn’t happen. So, once again, having seen the tweet he took it upon himself to - oh so predictably - turn it into something relating to Destiel. When I saw it I immediately rolled my eyes and thought ‘here we go again’, but then also had a little smile because I really liked the fact that he explicitly mentioned Wincest, therefore seeming to accept that his poor old dead horse wasn’t the only one in the race. I actually mentally tipped my hat to him then because it appeared that he’s matured enough to acknowledge by name the ship that predates his inclusion on the show. Great, I thought, this is a positive thing in a sea of negativity surrounding the man and his sunken ship, because what followed was Wincest trending in the US (it may also have been other countries as well but I had to sleep!) … largely due to the fact that Hellers were responding to it, calling him out on mentioning the dreaded ‘W’ word. I’ll repeat that because it’s been a rare occurrence up to that point… the Minions were actually disappointed with their overlord for mentioning another ship. We all know what they think of it and I for one, don’t give a flying fuck about their opionion. Ship and let ship, it’s all fun (or meant to be) so we have different tastes, that’s life kiddiwinks, deal with it. I mean, you really don’t have much of an example set for you when your king has proven several times over to be one of the biggest obnoxious brats out there, but just give it a try for your own sakes, yeah? Awesome, good on you, besties!

An unexpected development - to my joy and that of other Wincest shippers - them doing that got the topic trending, only *kept* trending by the fact that were all coming online asking why it was trending. Wincest shippers barely lifted a finger, we just flooded each other’s timelines with lovely content and basked in the Hellers - and Misha - shooting themselves in the foot, which was awesome. But did the vitriol stop? No. Did he get the attention he so clearly craves? Yes. Was it in the way he wanted? Fuck no, so poor, emotionally wounded baby backtracked after seeing that his name was trending alongside Wincest because that’s *so* not what someone narcissistic to do it in the first place, wanted.

Now here’s where I could easily have just moved on with an unusually fond chuckle, giving him an ironic pat on the back and a ‘thanks, Misha’ for being the one to instigate hours of fun, but once again his despicable behaviour made that impossible. It’s been more than obvious for many years that he cares more about what his fans think than anything else to do with the show and the fandom in a larger sense, but to delete the tweet and APOLOGISE for daring to be so insensitive to the snowflakes’ delicate sensibilities for mentioning Wincest in the first place was absolutely disgusting. Stating , “I used a term that I had never really given any thought to other than, "that's a thing?! Yuck." is not only complete and utter bullshit, it’s pandering of the highest order.  

We all know he has referred to Wincest on multiple occasions, so to say he hadn’t thought about is a flat out lie, which IMO is an insult to everyone, not just Wincest shippers. Does the man have no self respect at all, why would you contradict yourself in the face of such overwhelming evidence? Instead of either ignoring all the people calling him out, or addressing it with another tweet saying ‘yeah, that happened’ or something similar he chose, I repeat, CHOSE the route of claiming he didn’t realise he was being offensive to people who felt ‘triggered’ by him using the word Wincest. He basically shat all over an entire ship and large sector of the fandom in an attempt to appease his own fan base which consists of a lot of children (or those that act like children) who have no idea what RL is like.

Once again, he’s reinforced the idea that if you shout loud enough at someone just because you don’t like something they said, they will back down and apologise for something even when there’s nothing to apologise for. If he wants to be such a role model then he could easily have pointed out that a fictional ship doesn’t condone RL incest, any ACTUAL trauma people have suffered because of RL situations, and made an effort to make sure people understand that. He COULD have used it as an opportunity to do some good in the fandom by encouraging people to build bridges, to accept that people are entitled to their beliefs and that sometimes we see things differently but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t treat others with BASIC HUMAN DECENCY because of it. Instead he YET AGAIN chose to show that he cares more about what Minions think of him, keeping them onside to constantly stroke his unbelievably fragile ego in everything he does.

It is my understanding that Misha is big on (or claims to be big on) putting positive energy out into the world, treating people with respect, helping others and accepting people for who they are, not who you want them to be… all this after YEARS of consistently practising what he preaches only when it suits him. He sends out a message that it’s perfectly OK to bully, to spread hate, to draw attention to yourself at the cost of others, to throw colleagues and friends under the bus and at the same time use them to further your own agenda and get hits for your YouTube channel. Is this really the legacy he wants to leave? Is this an environment he wants his own kids to grow up in as well as future generations? Is this what he thinks is a valuable contribution as a human being? JFC, the arrogance, hypocrisy and the need for constant validation this man exhibits is nothing short of cringeworthy… actually it’s beyond that. It’s deplorable behaviour, it’s not new, and he will continue to act like this for as long as he’s being enabled and this harmful cycle needs to end.

I have friends IRL and online who are (now, possibly, were) big Misha fans, who have supported him from either the beginning of his run on the show, or since they started watching, and this is how he repays this behaviour? He’s willfully alienating decent people (including multishippers) all to make himself look good by being seen to do everything he can not to offend people. Spoiler alert, you DID offend people, you continue to do so time and again and we’ve had enough. I can’t imagine how exhausting it must be to be such a perpetual people pleaser, but let me say it’s not doing you any favours in any way, shape or form.

Misha, you are *not* a role model, you’re *not* someone to look up to when you can't live up to the ideals you preach. You’re spitting in the face of people who have supported you even after some questionable things in the past, who gave you the benefit of the doubt because we’re all human and we all make mistakes. The key to growing as a person is not to keep repeating the same mistakes over and over, understanding *why* what you said and/or did was a mistake and making a concerted effort to make changes. I don’t ever see you doing that, you will continue down this path of only caring about Minions under the guise of caring for people in general. You are transparent, you are sad and despite the fact I’ve never particularly liked you, I didn’t speak up because I didn’t want to get involved in the drama. Well now I have spoken up and I’m saying you’re a disgrace, you have no respect for other people and nobody is fooled anymore. If it hadn’t been this tweet it would have been something else, but I for one am glad it happened so soon after the show ended so we can finally be rid of the limpet-like behaviour. It’s over, let it go for the sake of what dignity you might have left, for the sake of your family and friends and for the sake of anyone who isn’t capable of seeing through your ‘it’s a joke’ mentality.

You have been weighed, you have been measured and you have been found wanting. Fuck you and the horse you rode in on, Misha.

For anyone who made it to the end of my ramble, thank you. This has been a cathartic exercise and I’m drawing a line under it now, I don’t think I could possibly make my thoughts any clearer. I urge you not to get caught up in any petty squabbles with his Minions, let’s celebrate J2 and other cast and crew members who have shown us all respect and who I am proud to call part of the SPN family. There’s always one member of the family who needs to be frozen out for the good of everyone else.